dashboardinstrumentcluster

[airanke]

Happy birthday to the one and only LOML, Dabi 💙💙

I drew this based entirely on vibes. And also Leon.

[hannahlockillustration]

A comic about letting your friends view your dating profile (don’t).

[spooky-activity]

[cypjj]

girls love spaceships <3

twitter: [X]

[fruit-sy]

(Reading the Alien Space comic)

AWWWW SHE JUST WANTS TO GEEK OUT OVER OUTER SPACE, HIMEKO MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD 💕💞💖

HAHAHAH IT'S SO AWKWARD, both want to murder talk to each other, but they don't want to involve Himeko and are failing horribly

HSR and HI3 Himeko have something in common, the people around them can't handle her food/drinks but refuse to tell her

Dang welt O.o

Fatherhood, where you die/sacrifice yourself to save your children from a looming evil they will have to still face in the future 👍

Extremely correct descriptions for Welt, Tesla

HOOOLY SHIT, HSR HIMEKO!!!!

After all the saccharine moments, it really hit us here with how much guilt Welt feels. He wanted to believe that not telling Himeko the truth about her dad was the best decision, but she still ended up devastated because of this. How could Welt say he killed the man with his own two hands, no matter how justified it was?

It seems kindness is an integral part of who Welt is. He will always give hope and keep hoping himself, even though he perceived that his kindness may have been misplaced.

... Which makes me wonder why Welt's character profile lists his path as Nihility? A path for people who "admire laziness, exhaustion, and meaningless behavior."

Seems like the opposite of what I know of Welt so far

[kayvsworld]

on one hand it sucks that all my faves are dead on the other hand. wild how enjoyable mcu is now that its mostly over lsdkjfhldkj i'm free from cacw discourse or being worried abt The Future Of Stove And Or Tuna, unburdened, 2012 avengers tower hours. the team is done & i am watching catws & vibing i am doodling lil hearts around sam i can enjoy stove in fic again & would die 4 bonky nature is healing

[bmpmp3]

i wonder if other artists (of any type) daydream about the perfect collaborative partnership all the time like i do. i imagine it’s not uncommon. someday i’ll find a writer who wants to write short and slightly tonally dissonant but ultimately earnest romance-based visual novels with kind of wobbly traditionally painted art assets cobbled together for the sake of the digital medium and then you’ll all be sorry

[thebibliosphere]

In case you were wondering how deep down the Batfam fixation hole I am, it's something I've actually been talking about in therapy a lot.

Not like, in a worried way, more just when my therapist asks me what I'm doing in my downtime, my answer always used to be either "sleeping" or "I don't have downtime. I have too much work to do."

Now my answer is "playing my Batman game" or "watching Batman show/reading comics/writing unhinged Batman x Muppet fanfic."

And my therapist is delighted. She's fucking ecstatic. She's like, "You have interests again!" and I'm like !!!! Because here's the thing.

Almost dying in 2019 kinda irrevocably fucked up my brain, like, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. And I've been grieving over that for the last few years as well as recovering from the physical aspects of it. And to cope with it, I threw myself into work even though I wasn't physically or mentally well enough, and that made everything worse, and well, if you've been here, you know.

My brain has not been kind to me for a long time. It still isn't. But I do the work. I do multiple types of therapy a week. I piece myself back together on the daily and try to remember what it means to be human and not just this numb static void that sometimes sounds like shrieking if you listen too closely.

And then randomly, a few months ago a friend bought me Gotham Knights on Steam, and it was like a light turned back on. The engine that'd been refusing to turn over for years suddenly sputtered back to life, and something in my brain went, "Hey, I remember this... this is fun?"

And then I started tentatively searching the tags here on Tumblr, and yeah, actually. I remember this. I remember enjoying this. I can dip my toes into this. This is safe. This is a childhood interest from Before the almost-dying-trauma. And besides, it won't get in the way of my work. This isn't going to consume me. Nothing consumes me like it used to. I'm too broken for that.

Except, haha, jokes on me because, for some fucking reason, Brucie fucking Wayne and his gaggle of chaotic crime-fighting children is what reached into my brain, picked up my trauma, and started shaking it loose like a category 7 earthquake.

I actually laughed about that with my therapist a few weeks ago. Of all characters, of all pieces of media, it's Batman that's helping me process a significant chunk of my emotional trauma in a healthy way.

The most emotionally constipated vigilante in superhero existence, and I'm weeping like a child every time I get an achievement in Gotham Knights, and it says some bullshit like this:

ID: a purple steam achievement icon that says: He'd Be So Proud Of You. Reach the maximum level as any member of the Batman Family. 6.3% of players have this achievement. /end ID.

(for context, Batman is dead in this game, and you are playing as his emotionally devastated children trying to keep it together. Wailing, gnashing, crying, throwing up etc, etc.)

And my therapist, who has sat with me through EMDR sessions and a multitude of other shit designed to rewire your brain, just shrugs and says, "Sometimes we need to externalize our emotions through safe media. For you, right now, that safety is Batman having a relationship with the Muppets."

And like... okay, yeah. I'll take the win on that one.

[b00kdiary]

Okay I've been debating about requesting this. However, I think you would do this lovely.

Reader is shopping for her wedding dress and is really excited only for the workers. They treat her terribly for her size and make her feel uncomfortable, so she leaves trying on only like 2 dresses and feels icky and when her mate (Cassian) wants to cuddle he can sense somethings off especially when he evades his touch.

Take some liberties with it. But I had this experience recently with my bridesmaids, and we didn't feel insecure, but we all left feeling really angry and upset

Full disclosure I did write something similar to this with Rhys, but I would honestly love your take with Cassian because I think you write him beautifully 😍

Mine | Cassian

Cassian X Plus Size reader

Y/N goes wedding dress shopping and is confronted with females who make it clear that they think she’s unworthy of being Cassian’s mate, that she shouldn’t be his wife. Cassian shows her just how fucking wrong they are.

Warning: Mature themes (18+), swearing, body image issues and mean comments, fluff, angst and Mild Smut. (A/N to the lovely person who requested this I am sorry this happened to you, and I hope this work is how you'd like!)

MASTERLIST - 1 and 2

"A size 18?"

The female before me asked again – for the third fucking time.

And just like the first and second, her beautiful face twisted, lips curling in a cruel smirk, blue eyes widening and her tone – I could hear the condescension in it. But what really took the cake was how her eyes raked down my figure, from head to toe looking at me like I was dirt on her shoe.

"Yes," Mor breathed, speaking sharply through her clenched teeth. I glanced sidelong at her, nervous at the anger simmering in her golden eyes. "She said that already. Thrice."

The female's eyes slid from me to Mor, and she had the good sense to look uneasy at the blonde's wrathful expression. I kept my face neutral when she met my gaze, a faux-innocent smile on her pink lips before she dipped her head in a bare nod and scurried away.

I glared as her long, slender legs carried her, shapely hips and slim waist swaying with every graceful movement. No wonder why she was looking at me like I was the fucking elephant in the room. She was tiny, as was every other worker in this stupid shop.

"I am going to pluck her eyes from her head," Mor seethed quietly from beside me. I turned to her, bracing my hands on my soft hips as I met her furious frown. "And tear her tongue from her mouth. She is awful."

"Yes, she is," I chuckled, pushing down the ache in my chest as I met Mor’s stare. I wouldn’t let her meanness affect me. Nor would I let Mor try and defend my honour. “But we’re here for a wedding dress, this is meant to be fun. Just ignore her.”

Mor sighed, tucking the strands of her long blonde hair from her face. I gave her a hopeful smile and I could see her physically forcing down her anger for my sake. A second later her golden eyes met mine and she beamed.

“You’re right, this is meant to be fun,” Mor grabbed my hand, smirking as she tugged me along the shop floor to the dressing room, passing the dozens and dozens of gorgeous gowns. “And you're going to marry your mate. Cassian is one lucky male.”

We passed a group of female workers, re-organising the rack – and it was almost comical how they all halted at Mor’s words, eyes widening. Mor’s smirk broadened and she shot them a cruel, amused look.

“Mate and soon-to-be wife of General Cassian of the Night Court,” Mor continued, feigning ignorance to the group of females now listening. Their faces ashen as they flickered their gaze to and from me. “You really do need the perfect dress.”

I rolled my eyes at her gloating tone, slapping her hand in mild scolding as we stopped before the dressing room doors. I tried to ignore how the workers watched me, but I could feel their deadly stares boring holes into my back, all over my body – I could feel the awful judgement.

“I think the one we chose will be perfect,” Mor continued, oblivious to the stares I was getting and the whispers behind my back. I swallowed the lump in my throat, forcing an easy smile onto my lips as she gushed. “The neckline, the bodice, the skirt – Cassian won’t know what hit him.”

“Let’s wait and see if they have my size first,” I muttered, drumming my fingers impatiently as we waited. Mor shot me a look, frowning but I just stared ahead. I didn’t want her to feel bad for me.

“If this store doesn’t another will,” Mor said, her tone a shade softer now. “Besides, we have the best tailors in Velaris, we could have a gown fit for a queen made for you if you wanted. I know Cassian would want nothing less than the best for you. So do the rest of us.”

A gown fit for a queen. Something fit for the mate of the General. The thought made me feel nauseous for some reason. Still, I gave Mor another smile, nodding along as if I liked the idea.

Mercifully, the female worker arrived before Mor could press me anymore about what I thought. Or unmercifully if the fake smile she wore as she approached was any indication. Or how she held that size 18 dress like the largeness of it might rub off on her.

Mor was right. She is fucking awful.

“Here we are,” She chirped, draping the bag over my arm with more force than necessary. She eyed the dress, disdain in them. “Size 18. Sadly, that is the largest we do. So, hopefully, it fits.”

Hopefully sounded more like I hope it doesn’t – sounded like she wanted to laugh at me when it didn’t.

“Hopefully,” I gritted out, shooting her a bland smile before walking away without another word.

Mor chuckled quietly as she followed after me, leaving that awful female standing there – dismissed. Perhaps it was mean, I was not someone who was ever rude to staff and yet this woman had brought that side out of me.

She’d also brought out the side of me that felt sick with nerves at the idea of trying this dress on.

***

Mor began crying the second I stepped out of the changing rooms wearing the dress.

“Oh Cauldron,” She laughed, red-painted nails coming to her face, wiping the endless tears away. I smiled as I descended the steps moving toward the mirrors. “You look beautiful, Y/N. Truly, you’re a dream.”

I smiled at my friend; throat too tight to voice how much her words meant to me. My legs shook a little as I moved toward the mirrors. The dress had fit, and she was right – I did look like a dream.

“Gods, it’s beautiful,” I whispered, voice shaking. I ran my trembling hands along the tight-laced bodice, down the soft silk material as it draped along my curved hips and fell in soft, elegant weaves down my thighs and to the floor.

It fit me like a glove. The simple, sweetheart neckline accentuated my chest, the bodice moulded perfectly against my waist and hips and the material looked rich, looked like it was made for a queen.

“You’re beautiful,” Mor said softly, coming to stand behind me in the mirror, tears glistening in her eyes as she ran her hands through my hair, “I think this might be the dress.”

“I think so too,” I laughed, my eyes burning with emotion as I stared at myself. Beautiful – it was a feeling I rarely experienced and yet, right now I did. I felt beautiful. “This is my dress.”

Mor shrieked, and I flinched at the shrill sound as she laughed, hugging me so tight I could scarcely breathe. I giggled, sniffing as I wrapped my arms around her slender frame, and I was beaming just as broad as she was.

Until the door cracked open.

And that female stood in the doorway. Frowning at me.

“You’ve found your dress then?” She said tightly, interrupting Mor’s elated nonsensical muttering about Cassian and the wedding and something about drinking. “It fits.”

I straightened as Mor pulled away from me, all remnants of a smile gone from her lovely face, and she was as stiff as me as we turned to that female. I swallowed as her blue eyes racked across my figure, something akin to disgust rippling like waves through her gaze.

“Yes,” I said tightly, my arms unconsciously folding over my chest. As if to shield myself from her judgment. “It fits.”

“Excellent,” She replied, sounding anything but thrilled. But still, she smiled, an ugly sight, before she beckoned Mor to follow her. “We can figure out the details while she gets out of the dress. I imagine it might take a while.”

Mor’s canines flashed and the female took a step back in surprise when Mor looked as if she might lunge for her – and rip out her throat with her teeth. But I clamped my hand down around her wrist before she could. Her golden eyes turned to me, incredulous, but I merely shook my head with a warning in my eyes.

“That’s fine,” I said sharply, meeting her blue eyes and raising my chin, “I’ll see you both in a few minutes then.”

“Fine,” Mor muttered, sighing as my fingers uncurled from her wrist. I could see the anger on her face as she followed after the female. And rightfully so, the female kept a good distance between them as they exited the room.

I released a tight breath as I moved back to the changing room, locking the door and slumping back against it once I was inside. And just like that, I felt awful again. I felt big like I was taking up too much space. I felt ugly like this dress wasn’t for me. And most of all I felt unworthy.

A mixture of anger and sorrow washed over me as I slipped out of the dress and back into my usual leggings and top. I tried to not dwell on how that female had looked at me, how swiftly she had yanked me back to reality with something as simple as her words.

It shouldn’t have mattered and yet, for some reason it did.

“Did you hear-“

I heard the soft giggling voice as I yanked my shoes on, two pairs of footsteps and rustling clothes sounding in the main part of the dressing room. Admittedly, I might have softened my movements to hear them. I had a horrible feeling I knew what they were talking about.

“The female who came in before asking for a size 18,” She whispered, spitting the size like it was acid on her tongue. My chest tightened. “She’s mated to and marrying General Cassian. Cassian who looks like a God is tied to her.”

“Cauldron spare him,” The other female choked on a laugh, and they both sounded almost sorry for him – like they pitied Cassian for having me as a mate. “The least she could have done is lose some weight for the wedding. I’m a size 2 and I would have tried to get down to a 0, never mind being her size.”

Her size.

Hot, searing embarrassment spread over me like a fire. But I forced down the humiliation and the bile twisting in my gut as I rose to my feet grabbing my purse and unlocking the door as loudly as I could. They stopped speaking and moving, instantly.

And my face was like steel as I stepped out into the main room. And watched their eyes widen, faces turning ashen. It would have been amusing if they hadn’t just torn my sense of self to shreds.

“Oh-“ One of the females gasped upon seeing me. Dumb struck. I saw them both glancing at each other, faces reddening and scrambling to find the words to explain what I had overheard.

I said nothing as I began stalking away, but I kept my face hard and my back straight as I exited the room and moved back through the shop floor. They were scurrying after me, like the rodents they were, likely to beg me not to say anything.

“Y/N!” Mor grinned as she stood at the counter, the first female and another, older female by her side, sorting through some paperwork. Mor’s smile dimmed when she saw my stormy expression. “What-“

“We’re not buying that dress,” I said simply as I stopped at the desk. All eyes latched onto me in surprise. “I won’t be buying anything from this store.”

Mor blinked at me. But upon seeing the severity on my face, the way my hands were clenched around my purse until my knuckles turned white, she didn’t push it.

“All right,” Mor nodded, dropping the papers in her hand, and slipping her bag around her shoulder. She looked at me and smiled, “Let’s go.”

“Wait. Wait-“

I glanced at the older female, seeing the confusion and panic on her face. But it was nothing compared to the panic of the female worker beside her. She looked like she might pass out.

“I’m the manager here, ladies,” The elder female said, and her eyes were kind. She seemed kind. “If you have any issues, please I will do whatever I can to remedy it.”

“You’re the manager?” I asked, and she nodded. I smiled - it was not a kind sight. “Then you should know that I intended to buy that dress, it was lovely. But I won’t.”

“Because of her,” I looked at the first female at her side, my tone as sharp as a blade. She stiffened, like a doe caught by a predator as all eyes fell to her.

“And them,” I turned back to where the two other females stood. Just as stiff, just as caught off guard. Still holding the garments, they had been fixing when they were discussing my body in the dressing room.

“I’d re-think the kind of people you employ here, how they speak and treat your customers,” I said, turning back to the eldest female. She had anger in her eyes now – like this wasn’t the first time. “Because I won’t pay to be ridiculed. And I will ensure that no female I know will come here either, not with the likes of them working here.”

“I apologise for whatever offence they caused, my dear,” She frowned, shaking her head at me. She genuinely looked upset. “I will deal with this accordingly.”

I turned my attention to the workers, to the anger and tears in their eyes. They glared at me as if this were my fault. I shot them a saccharine smile before turning, Mor on my heel as we walked away.

“Are you all right?” Mor asked me softly when we left the shop and walked back into the bustle of the main street.

“I’m fine,” I lied, keeping my eyes straight ahead. “I just want to go home. It’s been a long day.”

***

I hear Cassian and Azriel’s laughter the second Mor and I step into the house. And Cassian must sense my presence because I feel a soft brush down the bond, adoring and needy as if trying to coax me to come to him faster.

“Sweetheart,” Cassian grins the second I walk into the room, his handsome face lighting in the most breathtaking way as he rushes over to me. His arms are around me in a second, enveloping me in a great, crushing hug.

It would be sweet. Except his hands dig into the flesh at my back. I can feel my stomach pressing into his hard, carved chest. And he’s lifting me, Gods, I cringe as my feet lift off the ground and he’s bearing all my weight.

“Hey, Cass,” I mutter, trying to force an easy smile onto my lips as he drops me gently to my feet. I push at his chest, pulling free from his hold as I step back, and I don’t miss the small, confused frown he gives me. “Hey, Az.”

Azriel smiles at me, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes as I stiffly move around my mate, every inch of me hard and wilting from his loving touch.

“You don’t have any bags with you?” Cassian noted from beside me, his hazel eyes moving from Mor, who was shoving her several bags onto the counter and then to me, with none. “I thought you were going wedding shopping?”

“I didn’t find anything,” I said simply, moving on stiff legs to the dining table. I brush off Cassian’s hand on my back as I do so, and Azriel’s eyes narrow. But again, I ignore it all as I pour myself a glass of water, staring at the clear water as if fills my cup.

“That’s not true, she found a beautiful dress, the dress,” Mor said, her voice exasperated. And my fingers tightened around the glass as I brought it to my mouth and sipped. “She was going to buy it, but the workers were such assholes to her-“

“Workers?” Cassian cut in, voice sharpening. I sighed when he marched to me, towering height peering down at me with anger and concern in his eyes. “What shop? What did they say-“

“Nothing, Cass,” I kiss my teeth, brushing away the hand he brought to my face, annoyance flaring in my eyes. His frown deepened, and so did the tension in the room. “Nothing happened, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Mor argued, and my jaw clenched, as I looked away from my mate to the glass in my hand. “They were mean, Y/N and the way they spoke to you and looked at you, the way they treated you-“

“Mor!” I slammed the glass onto the table, so hard the wood shook from the impact. My sharp yell echoed through the silence as everyone stared at me – shocked. “I said it was fine. Just stop.”

Mor blinks at me, her face falling. I regret yelling at her immediately.

“I’m sorry,” She mutters, guilt in her eyes. I feel Cassian and Azriel’s attention unwavering on me and it’s too much. “I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s fine,” I whisper, voice shaking. My entire body is shaking as I step away from them, unable to meet anyone’s eyes. “I’m- I’m going to go get some rest.”

“Y/N,” Cassian called my name as I turned, but I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. So, I kept walking, and walking, and walking.

***

I’m sitting on the chaise in one of Cassian’s old shirts, reading and re-reading the same line in my book when he comes in.

I don’t lift my eyes from that one page, even as my heart thunders in my chest as he silently stalks over to me. I know he can hear my heavy breathing and erratic pulse; I know he can feel my sorrow in waves down the bond.

His footsteps are nearly silent as he moves toward me, and I feel his eyes like a brand on my skin. I suck in a harsh breath when he stops and drops to kneel before me. His large hands brace on my thighs, his face levels with mine and I’m shaking as I keep my eyes down.

I hear his throat work and I clamp my eyes shut when his hand comes forward, gently taking the book I wasn’t reading from my hands and discarding it on the floor beside him. So gentle, so tender, I could feel it just in the way he watched me.

“Look at me, my love,” Cassian whispers, fingers curling around my thighs. I cringe as he kneads my flesh, but his touch is adoring. “Please, look at me.”

I took in a stabilising breath before I fluttered my eyes open and lifted them to meet his. My heart broke at the pain in his eyes, that lovely face twisted with hurt as he beheld me.

“I’m fine,” I muttered. My voice broke. But still, I shook my head, trying to smile. “I’m fine Cass.”

“No, you’re not baby,” Cassian frowned, and a tear slid down from my eyes when his hand lifted and cupped my cheek, darkness in his eyes as he tracked that tear. And the next. And the next. “What happened? What did they say? I can’t fix it if I don’t know.”

My bottom lip trembled as more tears fell from my face, and Cassian released a broken, desperate groan as I tried to fight back my sobs. I curled one hand around his strong wrist, just needing to hold him, to anchor myself to his strength.

“They were looking at me like I was disgusting Cass,” I whispered, unable to say the words any louder. I kept my eyes closed as I spoke - I couldn’t face him. “Like just for existing in my body I should be ashamed.”

He shook with rage. I felt it down the bond, that primal, deadly anger that he rarely ever exhibited but when he did it was catastrophic.

“And when they heard, I was mated to you, that I would be marrying you,” Another sob broke free from me and his hand tightened at my jaw. He leaned forward, trembling as he pressed his forehead to mine. “I overheard them talking about how gorgeous you were and how fucking awful it was that you were mated to me.”

Pain danced through the bond, his pain not mine.

“And I just felt so guilty,” I breathed, sniffing as the tears leaked into my nose and mouth, as Cassian let them soak him too. “You should have a female walking down that aisle who is beautiful and thin, I didn’t even try and lose weight for the wedding, I’m sorry Cass-“

“Stop.” He snarled. And my eyes blinked open latching onto the searing, furious rage in his gaze. “Stop.”

“Cassian – “ I gasped as he grabbed me, fingers curling around my waist and hips and before I knew it, he was lifting me, spinning us so that he sat on the chaise, and I was straddling him. So fast. So easy. Like I didn’t weigh a damn thing.

“Listen to me, Y/N,” Cassian said severely, hand cupping my cheek and forcing my eyes to stay on his. I had never seen him so serious. “I’m going to speak and you’re going to listen, okay?”

I nodded slowly, blinking away the tears as I stared at him.

His hand stayed on my jaw, the other curling around my thigh and keeping my body flush with him. Every inch of me felt every inch of him. I tried not to cringe at what he could feel.

“Do not ever let anyone, male or female, make you question your worth and beauty,” He said, his voice steady and firm. So were his eyes. “Do not ever let anyone make you feel like you are not enough. You are worthy of the world and more, do you hear me?”

I swallowed, my throat painfully tight but at the command in his gaze, I nodded again.

“I should kill those females for speaking about you like that, for making you think that any inch of you is ugly,” He snarled softly, canines baring, and I hated how he frowned, wanting to rub away the crease between his brows. “You are beautiful. You are the most beautiful female I have ever seen in my life. And I thank the Mother every fucking day that she made you mine. That she made me yours.”

A tear trickled down my face. Cassian’s eyes softened and he rubbed that tear and the next away with a tender brush of his thumb.

“Don’t ever think I don’t love your body, I do, I love every curve baby, I can’t resist them,” He sighed, and my eyes fluttered as his hand began to languish across my thighs, moving over my fleshy hips and the rolls at my back with need. “I don’t want you to change anything about yourself, not for me, or a wedding, or to fit into a dress. I want you just as you are.”

“Are you sure?” I whisper, my voice so weak. And Cassian’s face falls at it, at the doubt and vulnerability in my words. “I don’t want to embarrass you Cassian.”

“You could never embarrass me,” He scoffs, and my body melts into his as his hand curves around to cup my ass, dragging me forward so that not even an inch of space remains between us. “I am nothing but a brute. A bastard. But with you? I am the luckiest male in the world, I get to have your heart, your smile, and your body to love and worship and comfort for the rest of my life. I pity other males who don’t have you.”

“You’re not a brute or a bastard or anything else of the sort,” I frown, denial sparking like embers in my eyes. Cassian laughs, his throat thick with emotion, but he laughs at the immediate anger in me. “I love you Cassian. Just like you love me.”

I knew he did. I never should have questioned it.

“And I love you, baby,” He smiles, that kind of smile that knocks the air from my lungs. “I love you so fucking much. I don’t want you to forget it but if you do, I will always be there to remind you.”

My eyes flutter shut as he presses his lips to mine, and the feeling is just like home. It’s like finding the other half of my soul and feeling it slot into place the second we meet. It’s perfect.

Cassian grins as I moan, my lips parting to let his tongue sweep in, hot and exploring, tracing against my teeth and tongue like he wants to devour me. His hands ravish along my body, palming my ass, cupping, and toying with my aching breasts, rubbing that deliciously thick length up into me.

“So responsive,” Cassian praises, running his tongue along my lips teasingly and I whimper as he rolls his hips against my wet, swollen clit, so hard I can feel him through his slacks and my underwear. “So beautiful when you’re rubbing against me, my love.”

“Cass,” I moan, eyes fluttering as presses wet kisses against my jaw, his hands cupping my ass and dragging me back and forth over his cock. He groans a rough, lewd sound, one that goes straight down to the heat between my thighs.

“I think you should forgo a dress on our wedding day,” Cassian grumbles against my cheek, hazel eyes flashing mischievously as I grind down against him, faster and harder. “I couldn’t imagine a better sight than you walking down that aisle completely naked, looking like the goddess you are.”

“Cassian,” My back arched, the slickness between my thighs growing more and more, especially as he growled those filthy words into my ears. His hands do not stop for a second, exploring and touching every inch of me.

“Whatever dress you wear will be on the floor anyway,” He chuckles darkly, and I clench around nothing when he shifts me back, his hand slipping between our bodies to untie his slacks. I groan when he pulls his cock free, eager as I push my underwear to the side and line him up to my entrance.

“I plan to make love to this perfect cunt from the second you’re tied to me,” He snarls softly and I’m a moaning mess as I sink, taking inch after inch into my wet core, loving how good he stretches me. “A dress would just be an unnecessary obstacle.”

His teeth nip and bite against my throat as he maxes out inside me and I have to brace my hands on his chest to calm myself, stretched so wide, feeling him so deep. He grins at how breathless and desperate I am, seated inside me like this was his home.

“You want me to walk down naked on our wedding day?” I lift my eyes to him, clenching around him and watching his eyes flutter at the feeling. I smirk, cupping his jaw as I slowly roll my hips. “With so many males present?”

His eyes darken. Like death.

“Rhysand, Azriel, Helion, Varian,” I roll my hips again, moaning at the spark of pleasure that runs through me. Cassian’s hands tighten on my hips, hard enough to bruise and my smirk broadens. “Lucien, Jurian, Eris-“

“I will kill them all before letting them see you naked,” Cassian bucks his hips up violently, slamming his cock to the hilt. I choke on a gasp, slumping into his awaiting embrace.

“Every-“ Thrust. “Last-“ Thrust. “Fucking-“ Thrust. “One.”

I cry out as he drives his cock into me, the sound of my arousal dancing through the air, mixing with my moans. Cassian groans, and I can feel that primitive Fae instinct in him as he fucks me as if he wants to imprint himself onto my very skin.

“You’re mine, baby,” His canines bite against the junction of my throat, just as his cock hits a deep, spongey spot inside me. “All fucking mine.”

“I’m yours, Cass,” I whimper, panting as he slides in and out of me at a brutal pace, every shift of his hips rubbing against my swollen clit. “I’m all yours, yours, yours – “

He smiles.

And fucks me for hours like I was his.

And he was mine. 

_________________________________________

@mis-lil-red @hyemishii @assaultsofthought @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @loveareum @infintyfandoms @sarawritestories @eerievixen @nyotamalfoy @lewsnumerounofan @dreaming-about-fanfictions @sarawritestories @nottyourlover @bbycowboi @morganwdarius @marvelsmylife @justasillylittlegoofyguy @allyjoe755 @just-a-social-casualty-1 @eleventhboi @sfhsgrad-blog @glam-targaryen @firebreathingbishqueen @sindulgent666

Comment to be added to the tag list!

Taking requests for all SJM men x plus size reader!

[crouteann]

wips from the ilya and strahd comic… it was supposed to be an illustration first and then i started going “but what if…… but what if!!!!” (read: it had been like 5 years since i made a real comic page and this felt like a safe space to dip my toes in again!)

ive basically been focusing on my art since october and the improvement from november when i started to last month when i finished the pinch hitter spot art was kinda crazy. theres already things i wish i could change about the comic but it looks really good and im proud of it okay!!

(more thumbnails from the illustration ideation phase under readmore)

i think the first one here is what kinda made me want to do a comic tbh, it was definitely the last thumbnail i did before i started swerving to comic thumbnails!!!!

[works-of-heart]

Hm. Another popular elucien artist said they were going to work with fanfic writers to make comics, and then you post this? it's giving major jealousy and pick me energy if you ask me.

Hi Anon!!

I am going to assume you're talking about my latest post where I posted a preview of a comic I'm working on. I'll be honest and say that I'm not entirely sure of which artist you're referring to, but if they're going to do comics, I think that's awesome!! I'd personally love to see people's fics come to life in illustrated form and I'm sure the fanbase would love that too!

Your ask seems to suggest that I'm trying to 'compete' with someone or try to undermine the task by posting my own and I can assure you, that's the last thing I'm doing. I've actually done quite a few Elucien comics! In fact, shortly after I made this account, I posted an Elucien comic that you can find here.

I've done a few others, like the gag one about Elain making cream puffs based off a funny Gif @starsreminisce posted and had a conversation of here . I've even done one for Elucien week for their Mask prompt. This one

You see, drawing/writing comics is a way that I, and many others including @luciensdefenseattorney contribute to this fandom. It's one of many ways we can, and I know there are other very pupular artists who also do comics! It isn't bad if someone wants to dip their toes into creating them or not, I think as an artist and community, we can all come together and share in the works and labor that others put forth, for the love of this fandom!

I do comics quite a lot, I've done them in other fandoms, and actually create them for my job. This isn't new to me, or new to others, so I'm not sure how posting my preview now is 'pick me'? Hopefully this clears up any confusion. Again, if others want to do that, go for it! I don't know why some people believe only one person can participate in any particular way and others cannot.

[factual-fantasy]

28 ASKS! THANKS AGAIN YALL!! 🥰💥

I've thought about this a bit actually :00

Way back when the crew was only four people, (Seafoam, Octo, Ellie and Louis) they got caught in a great storm while out at sea. Becuase there was only four of them, they didn't have enough hands on deck to control the ship.

Blue Beauty saw this ship clearly struggling and in danger so she helped guide the ship back to calmer waters. It was her help alone that prevented the ship from sinking. Seafoam thanked her profusely. She hadn't been treated so kindly before.. So she secretly followed them around for a while before making herself more known and officially joining the crew. :}

XD I imagine that wouldn't fare well for Blue Beauty-

XD Foxy would be like "..Am I malfunctioning or are those cookie talking--"

Hmm.. I assume the textures all relate to the food/animal they're based on. Or maybe their personality..? <:0 I don't know!

OOO these are so good!! Thank you! :DD

XDD Its really tough for me ngl. I've never been the best with names-

@luna-purple454 (Post in question)

The Undyne one is a bit vague.. I pictured the group has a run in with an Undyne. She is able to maybe separate Papyrus from the group and even capture him. Maybe her Papyrus is dead or he's on the other side of the underground. For one reason or another she knows this is "not Papyrus". So she questions this imposter to his face.

..But Papyrus is silent. Its been so long since he's heard Undyne's voice.. he suddenly cant speak..

Now the Alphys is actually an older character in the AU. I mentioned that at some point early on the gang found an AU with an old Alphys. This Alphys had made a bunch of robotic arms for Monster Kid in all different sizes.

Well since MK is all grown up, some of the smaller arm models don't fit him anymore. So she gave some to Goner Kid! I didn't really have intentions for her to come back into the AU in any major way. I just felt like drawing her :)

Oooo that sounds cool!! :DD

ASKJANJ SALTY TENTACLES XDDD THATS AMAZING!

Also thank you so much!! :DD

XDD Well "actively", I don't tend to dip my toes in that fandom too much anymore. I've dealt with a surprising amount of uncomfy stuff there so I'd rather mostly stay away from it-

But I have drawn a decent amount for it none the less! And I'm glad you like what you see so far! <XDD

Oh boy, the Jevil gang wouldn't stay there then! <XDD

@astaherussy

I unfortunately still to this day have not watched the Mario movie. So I cannot answer the first part of that question :( I think I have a problem upstairs-

As for Peach or Daisy breaking down, I believe they would approach them the same way Luigi did Rosalina :00 Very gently and try to figure out what's wrong 🥺

@neo-metalscottic

Thank you!! :DD I'm glad you liked what you saw! And I'll keep Jevil and the gang in mind! :))

AND YESSSS THE CALICO JACK IDEA WAS SO GOOD!! Thank you so much!! :D

And once again- thank you for the compliments to my Toadsworth drawing! I was rather proud of that one! XD When it comes to his relationship with Peach,, that is a good question.. I was thinking it was an Alfred Pennyworth situation. Kind'a a royal advisor turned father figure situation.? :0 He was running the Kingdom while Peach was gone, and he was overjoyed to see her returned safe and sound!

(Post in question)

XD Just wait till you find my Super mario bros tag and all the comics and angst under it

(Also thank you!! :}}} )

@rotting-glitter-corpse (Link in ask)

I NEED!! TO LIVE THERE!!! RIGHT NOW!! 💥💥

Oh man, he'd do everything he could. I'm not sure what kind of demands he would make to the rest of the group. But if there was something they could do to help he would absolutely demand they to it :0

@fawncr33k

<XD I don't know if Seafoam would want to have kids at his age- but its a good question. I'm not sure what a child between them would look like, considering that Blue is a mermaid- :0

@pinkbomb08 (Post in question)

My Welcome Home AU is kind'a all over the place becuase of some changes I'm making to Sally and Poppy.. <XD But I can talk a bit about Julie! She hasn't changed much--

The idea I have for Julie is that her and her sisters are actually these huge grotesque monsters.. much more horrific looking than they are in canon. Anytime anyone saw them they'd run away screaming.. Julie grew up knowing that she was scary and people are afraid of her becuase of her appearance..

Now at some point when she was little, she discovered the Neighborhood. She would see Wally, Barnaby, Poppy and Eddie walking around every now and again. She wasn't sure why.. but she was so fascinated by them and their lives. Something about the way they walked, the way the talked, how they dressed, how they sounded, how they looked. She loved all of it.

She was so fascinated by the Neighborhood and she dreamed of becoming apart of it one day. But she knew that she couldn't show up looking like.. this.. so she used the Neighbors as a reference and began to drastically alter her appearance.

No one has horns, so she was able to greatly shorten hers and make them look more.. cute! All the residents have 2 eyes so she shall as well! Poppy has pretty eyelashes.. so shall she! She cant get rid of her tail but she can make it shorter and cuter! Wally, Eddie and Barnaby all have 4 fingers. So she shall as well!

Now the feet.. She never saw Wally or Eddie without shoes on.. but Barnaby is always bare foot. So feet paws she shall have! A lot of her form was transfered to her mane-hair! To her hair- :DD

Now she was trying to get her legs to be shaped more like Wally's. So she altered them a bit and began to practice walking. But she tripped and fell, letting out a yelp!

Someone heard her, and came looking.. Since she couldn't use her new legs yet- she couldn't escape-

..Poppy found her. .

Julie hadn't completed her transformation from "monster" to "person" yet! So when Poppy saw her she thought she blew it. Surly Poppy would run away screaming upon seeing this horrible monster.. Julie started to cry.. but Poppy didn't run. She saw this poor little child covered in mud and with a scraped knee. She quickly jumped into action, "Oh dear! You poor thing, here sweetie let me help you up," Poppy guided Julie out of the woods. After she was cleaned and patched, they talked a bit about Julies situation.

"Where are your parents, dear?"

"..I don't have parents.."

Suddenly Poppy had adoption papers in her hand XD Huh, wonder how those got there-

(Post in question)

I mean... I got my skin back at least.. 🥺

thh... thank yoiuuuu!!! :33 ✨💖✨

I don't know.. is it offensive in the games for a character to be called a cracker? Are there cracker characters?? <:00

Oooo I'll keep this in mind! :00 Thank you!

@djadecutie

AKJJSD CRIMINAL XDDD

@storylover2

<XD Oh man, I looked through some doodle dumps and found I drew that creature at least 20 times. None of which looked the way I saw it in my head.💀I gave up on drawing Chain Chomp a looong time ago.. 💔💔

(Thank you for the suggestion though! :000 )

I'm not sure <XD Google doesn't want to tell me what real seafoam tastes like. Its only showing me what the candy seafoam tastes like!

I cant really remember much of that movie,, so I'm not sure how they would interact with the residents there. But a world made of candy? I'm sure they'd feel right at home! XD

@beryl-shade

Oh yeah for sure :0 that could be what happened to Tuna! 😱

(Also sorry for not including the gifs! There wasn't a way I could paste them into this ask post :((( )

@yourstrulylightstar283

Aww! That's adorable! :D

[mintmatcha]

cw: implied spoilers, time skip bakugo

The crisp romanticism of winter has long faded, leaving behind only grimy, half-melted snow marked by bits of gravel and garbage pulled up by the plow trucks weeks ago. The wet, thick chill that hangs in the air is only worsened by the fact the sun is already setting this early in the afternoon, basking the city in an underwhelming, watery pink.

It’s the perfect day to forget, you decide. If summer has dog days, this is a cat day of winter: designed for sleeping, isolating, and letting the world pass by. You wouldn't even be out of bed if Mina hadn't invited you to this stupid dinner.

Running into Bakugo on the way was just a coincidence. You found each other on the train, each of you coming from your respective works, and decided to would be rude to not walk to rest of the way together. Luckily, you knew Bakugo well enough that it wasn't immediately awkward; he was a bit abrasive, sure, but in a sort of charming way that you couldn't quite ignore. The small talk was polite enough, filled with  niceties and questions about life.

Denki has warned you not to bring up work around Bakugo in fear of you being the victim of his wrath, but today he seems okay discussing it.

“Never thought I’d be teaching,” he fiddles with his scarf, pulling it up higher to hide the darker scarring that runs down his neck and across his entire right side, “But my old teacher was retiring and I couldn’t swing the prohero thing anymore, so I figured- fuck, why not?”

You think there’s more to the story, but you don’t push. “Do you enjoy it?”

“Oh, fuck no. Every day is making sure these dumb ass kids don’t kill themselves by accident,” Bakugo barks out a laugh at himself, “I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

His affection is hard to read. It’s course, unrefined, hidden in thinly veiled insults.

"Oi, your shoe’s untied."

Bakugo jerks his chin towards you, his eyes lowered accusationally towards your feet. You pause mid-stride and look down. Sure enough, he's right: the laces to your boots have come undone, dragging in the snow behind you, more grey than white now.

"Dammit,” you sigh, kicking that foot forward. Water droplets flick off the end and splatter down the sidewalk ahead of you, disappearing into the heavily trampled snow. “These boots are cute, but they suck.” You scoop down to your knee, but are caught just as your pants hit the cool, wet ground.

“Oi!” A hand, thick before the mittens but almost comically massive now, is clamped around your shoulder, “It’s wet, dummy. Get up.”

Bakugo practically drags you back up before dipping down himself, ripping his mitten off of his free hand with his teeth. It hangs there, dangling comically as he rather aggressively wipes off the soiled knee of your jeans.

“ ‘onna ruin your fuckin’ pants.” The fabric damps his annoyed grumbles.

When he’s seemingly deemed the spot clean, Bakugo pulls away to inspect it, then falls to one knee rather ungracefully, sliding in the slush beneath his rubber soles. Wind kisses cheeks and the frigid tip of his nose both glow red as he looks at you from down there, eyebrows pinched together just like always.

"Here." Bakugo pats his thigh expectantly, waiting for a moment before doing it again. When he huffs, a little cloud of breath rises in front of him. "Come on."

You take a moment to realize what he wants. "What? I don’t wanna get you dirty.”

"I don't care, come on." He tugs you by the laces, guiding your foot into his leg. There's immediately a dark, wet mark across the denim, but Bakugo doesn't seem to notice; he's too busy tugging off his other mitten, tossing both of them to the side.

Bakugo clicks his tongue against his teeth as he hooks a finger under the bottom most rung of your laces and tugs, tightening the toe box of your shoe with one shift movement. A couple walks by, whispering to each other as the step over and around the blonde, and their gaze makes your cheeks burn.

"These boots don’t suck- you don’t tie them right." The digits are stiff and pink from the cold, moving clumsily as he tightens section by section, working his way to the top. There's a peace on his face as he works, a relaxation you don't usually get to see. On the top of his head there's a couple whispers of grey hiding in the blonde. "You gotta-"

With the extra length he's created, Bakugo loops the length around your ankle and ties a quick knot. "Like that."

He pats your calf. "Other foot."

"You don't have to-"

His eyes flicker up, watching you through light brown lashes. The scar over his right eye has long clouded the color and the sight, changing the dark red of his iris into a muddled pink. Mina's shown you pictures of him in high school, back when his features were symmetrical and he was considered classically attractive, but you think you might prefer him now. He's uniquely pretty, with features you have to explore for a moment to fully learn.

Clearly unamused by the denial, Bakugo pats your calf again. With a heavy sigh, you step off of him and bring your other foot up.

Undoing your own knot and redoing his process isn't short work. Bakugo takes his time, breathing on his fingers to warm them up in between rows. It's surprisingly intimate, the way he lingers over you, each touch almost too personal to be solely platonic. He’s stalling, you realize, trying to hold on to this nothing moment on an awful winter day for just a moment longer.

You've never seen him in this light before.

When he's finally done, he sits back on his own heel and lets his arms fall away from you. The world feels like it's shifted one degree to the left.

"You didn't have to do that," you say softly as he gathers his mittens. The yarn has acted as a sponge, soaking up their weight with water. Bakugo curls his lip at this. "I can tie my own shoes."

"Yeah, well," he stands, jamming his hands in his pockets and looking away in a surprisingly coquette move. He speaks softly for once, probably with as much kindness as he can muster. "Someone had to show you the right way to do it."

You both stand there, Bakugo in his ruined pants, you with boots tied almost too tightly, in silence, almost as if you're both waiting for the other to do something.

You almost continue on your way and ignore the flutter in your chest, the strange simplicity that brought you just a bit closer to a friend of a friend-

but then you catch how his gaze flickers to your lips for a fraction of a second-- fleeting, longing.

"Let's go," Bakugo says, stepping forward, "I'm freezing my tits off and Denki's gonna eat all the appetizers before we even-"

You catch him by the sleeve. "Hey."

"What?"

You catch him by surprise as he turns, pressing on to your toes to push your lips into the corner of his mouth. His lips are slick with lip balm-- cherry flavored and sweet beyond belief-- and incredibly warm.

The contact is gone before you can even process whether you enjoyed it or not, his shocked exhale tickling your cheeks.

"What the fuck was that?" he whispers, bewildered. His bangs fall in front of his  eyes as he touches were you just were.

"Just a thank you,” you whisper back, suddenly realizing how crazy you must seem. Maybe you had misread the situation. “I shouldn’t have-”

The world moves around you.

You aren’t sure who leans in first, but his lips are pressed against you now, the icy tip of his nose buried on your cheek. The sharp nip of winter is forgotten, replaced by his canines catching your lower lip as his hands find the curve of your jaw. He pulls you in and you swear you can feel the spark between you-

and then you realize you literally do. Bakugo’s quirk sputters slightly on his lips, nothing more than a tingle and a zap, but it lingers even as he pulls away.

"Well, if you really wanna thank me..." The icy touch of his hand finding yours makes you jump.  "Keep my hands warm 'til we get there."

He squeezes tight. "Maybe on the way back too, since my gloves are ruined ‘cause of you."

You roll your eyes as you squeeze back.

“Yeah, okay.”

[hexhomos]

HI! hope your day is treating you well, i’ve been interested in doomreed for some time but cape comics are sort of daunting to me just because there’s so much content and i really don’t know where to begin. what do you suggest? thank you!

STRAIGHT OUT THE GATE ill say, read [ "My Dinner With Doom" ] (this is a rly high-qual upload, open it up on desktop!)

It's a key issue oneshot with a lil bit of backstory retelling, featuring a private dinner that happens in the 00's - a good entrance point if you're curious about doomreed in summarization + generally speaking a Real Good Comic overall.

LONG POST INCOMING THIS IS A LONG POST / click readmore

the fantastic four are one of marvel's darling old founding teams so there is pretty much... endless archival, ongoing, multimedia and games content popping up all the time.

They are also kinda one of the rare teams where the growth of the characters is consistent? The kids are allowed to grow older and events from every major run are carried/referenced by the next author so if you want to do chronological there's a lot of incentive and fun stuff.

If you wanna dip your toes into the F4 as a concept, check out:

*the #1 issue of Fantastic Four By Waid & Wieringo (1997) *Mythos: Fantastic Four (2007) [ *The FF (1994) movie that is up for free on youtube!! ] *Fantastic Four (2022) by Ryan North as the current ongoing!

(Some) Singles centered on Doom/Doomreed:

*Fantastic Four (1961) Annual 2 is Doom's original backstory issue *Marvel Two-in-One (2017) by Zdarsky issue #11 & Annual #1 are both crazy good but they spoil big events/conclusions from previous runs if u care abt that!!! (My current fav fic came from these issues.) *Doomgate (novel) by Jeffrey Lang is a good option if you want something that is mostly prose, instead of a comic or movie

NOW BEFORE YOU JUMP AHEAD WITH ANYTHING I *am* following [ this reading guide ] which breaks down specific issues relevant to their relationship as a line through all the different authors over the years.

[ There's also this 2021 guide w/ a few other story/AU highlights! The author said u can send the blog questions and theyll answer too ]

The 'Modern era' (late 90s/00s/10s/Now) Starts with Waid and McDuffie's stuff. The latter wrote My Dinner with Doom!

If you're scared by all the names, don't be - when searching for the issues, just pay attention to the year, # number & author/artist creds.

What I'm reading/liveblogging rn is Hickman's Secret wars era, generally regarded as yaoi ketamine; It's a good epic narrative entrance point if you want to jump into it, and it eventually led into this huge marvel event that changed the multiverse and even brought miles morales into the main timeline, so its BIG and it happened in multiple books - the best way to go about it is;

Pre-hickman:

Fantastic Four (1961) #551 #552 #553 ➡️ (these introduce main ideas we will touch again in secret wars)

Fantastic Four (1961) #558 to #562 ➡️

Doom appears in these too, first/last issues more heavily. Stuff here will be ref'd during the next era.

If you're having fun and want to keep reading you can! Just know that the next storyarc has gathered a largely mixed response bc..... its Millar going hammywammy....... not that necessary.......

anyway when you see hickmans name in the cover STOP and

Jump to actual Hickman secret wars era:

Fantastic Four by Jonathan Hickman: The complete collection➡️

(optional, side plot) If you like Val + Doom, read specifically; *Fantastic Four (2014) #3 & #5 + Fantastic Four Annual (2014) #1 *Agent of Asgard #6 & #7 *Avengers World (2014) #15 & #16

New Avengers (2013) ➡️ check issues on picture, or, if you're a completionist, look for 'Avengers by Jonathan Hickman; complete collection' and skim for the doom/reed relevant bits. There's a lot of characters here but this is a buildup to the big secret wars. Secret Wars (2015) ➡️ (All issues!) Infamous Iron Man (2016) ➡️bendis' doom writing is not very good but hang in there because right after him: Marvel 2-In-One (2017) ➡️ (All issues!) is a banger. Yaoi btw.

You can basically read all the future/past ones as listed, or starting from the beginning of that author's period without worrying, bc they aren't as indebted to each other storywise.

You can also start somewhere else if you want or check out other single issues on the reading guides; It's not a crime! There's a lot of stuff with different takes and genres, I'm slowly chipping away at the secret wars era bc its just very thick and like a serious television drama attempt, except its also insanely funny sometimes.

(I'm still making my way through it so that's what I have at the moment!)

[chinchillamajor]

Everyone has bad days. (Star Simon AU)

Another commission drawn by the wonderful @cottagedeer (who's still taking commissions!).

Just another day. Star Simon's dropping by with Espresso Simon's morning (decaf) pick-me-up, as usual.

Until...

Look! Baby's first angst!! (It's me, I'm the bab-- I don't ever tend to dip my toes into angst stuff)

This is something I'm still a little self-conscious about, to be honest, and I figure Star would be, as well.

Star Simon is secretly a little jealous of the other AU Simons, when they're at full term with their kiddos.

He's fully accepted his own Golbaby's decision to tap out before they could be born with a body, in his world. But whenever he sees a Golbaby kick, in another Simon's tum... that's something Star Simon's never gonna know, for himself.

Usually, Star wouldn't dare mention it. He'd see it as dumping his problems on the other Simons, and figures they don't need to deal with *his* issues, on top of all theirs.

But seasonal depression hits Star hard every winter-- and this December's right when Espresso has been expecting his kiddo, over in his own AU.

Some random days, things that don't bother Star... suddenly do.

------

I sent the idea for the comic over to Deer, and I really appreciate Deer's idea to keep the scene wordless. The images speak louder than dialogue could have, I think.

[bows to the deer] Thank you, again, for making this be a thing that exists outside of my head, now, too. 💖

(Oh, and I've been feeling much better, these last few days, so nobody worry, yeah? I bounce back from stuff. It's kinda what I DO, heh.)

[yourwitchybrother]

Apollo, My Beloved

Perhaps I couldn't wait any longer before I finally addressed my beloved patron and godspouse. Both of which are terms I will define in this post. Apollo has been part of my life, well... since birth! Being my Patron, he has been around for all of it. He's seen me at my best and at my worst, he's seen me through my relationships and my hardships. He saw me through my hardest moments, through the easier times, and through the trauma I've faced.

So yeah. He and I are pretty close. Let's get into it, this is going to be a long one.

Who is Apollo? ☀

I have heard Apollo referred to as the God of many things, and this description of him is not incorrect as much as it is a gross minimization of the things he takes Godly precedence over. He is the god of:

The Sun; Light; Poetry; Music and the Arts; Healing / Medicine; Plagues; Knowledge; Order; Prophecy; Truth; A God of Beauty; Agriculture; and Archery.

Some of these things are not as well known as others, and there are absolutely some things missing from that list. Again. He rules over a lot of things.

Apollo, in my life, has been more present as the God of music and the arts, and prophecy. A major part of my practice is the art of prophecy and divination, the concept of time and the future. Of course, I do not have as much time as I would like to delve fully into the concept of time as much as I'd like, but I still like to dip my toes into the concept of prophecy. It took me a while to accept the fact that prophecies do, in fact, exist, and they are things that can be accessed by someone who is not the Oracle at Delphi.

Apollo is also known for having many lovers and, more nuanced, has been claimed as a patron God of Queer individuals. He has had his fair share of gay lovers himself, and in fact, is quite known for having a series of lovers who have then turned into plants. For example:

Hyacinthus, who was turned into a Hyacinth. Daphne, who was turned into a Laurel tree. Cyparissus, who was (unwillingly) turned into a Cyprus Tree.

At a certain point, it is almost comical.

Apollo, as a Worshipper and Devotee.

Of course, everyone starts somewhere. And for a good portion of my practice, I started as a worshipper and devotee of Apollo. This meant that I was dedicating certain acts to him and gifting him little trinkets and leaving him offerings. My favorite instance was when I left him a pack of cookies for about a month. After a month, I went to eat them as to not waste them. The cookies gave me static and shocked me. Apollo and I had a conversation about boundaries following this.

I have been devoted to Apollo my whole life, I like to say. Ever since I could improperly hold utensils within my digits, I drew on things. When I first learned how to make illegible sounds, I sang. When I learned how to create poorly worded poetry, I crafted it. By no means am I a lyrical genius or a poet laureate. In fact, I'm horrible at writing song lyrics and I have only ever written one catchy verse, and in all my years of playing Ukulele, I have never been able to play and sing until November of last year.

However, in my early childhood, leading up to college, I was nearly prodigal when it came to musical instruments. I graduated high school knowing how to play clarinet, bass clarinet, saxophone, flute, xylophone, euphonium (my favorite), bass guitar, acoustic guitar, ukulele, trumpet, trombone, and kalimba. I'm sure there are people out there who know more instruments, but all things considered, this is a damn collection of instruments that I'm pretty okay at. In 8th grade I was the back-up singer in my military schools rock band, I was the acoustic guitarist.

I've also been acting for about 9 years (I'm about to be 20), which is a good portion of my sentient and cognisant life. I've done work both on stage and off, but yet still have not managed to be in a musical. They scare me.

Not to mention my history with other forms of art. In fifth grade, I painted a still life that was elected and ended up in a local art gallery. In the first week of May, one of my photos from study abroad was selected as being the best in its category and I won a prize. My history teacher hung a drawing I did of her daughter in the classroom because she adored it so much. However, that may have just been because it was a picture of her daughter.

This laundry list of artistic endeavors is not meant to be a flex or a brag. It's meant to showcase my extensive history in the arts and my devotion to Apollo. He has been an important part of my life. Before every performance, I pray to him. Before every concert, I'd ask him to send me humility and patience. Before every drawing, I ask Apollo for inspiration and a dash of creative whimsy. I also say hi to the sun every morning, wishing him a good morning while I drink my morning coffee.

Apollo, as my Patron.

As my patron, Apollo is my biggest mentor. He is there for me through thick and thin. When the going gets tough. I know I can lean on and rely on him.

My mother calls me Sunshine (my hair sticks up and gets all frizzy, and so she calls me Sunshine because she considers my hair to be rays), she always has. This is reflective of Apollo's presence in my life, in my opinion. A little ray of the sunshine that he emits.

But back to the mentor thing. Apollo has always been someone I can look to whenever I need guidance. Whether that means consulting the cards and asking him for some guidance, or using a pendulum and having an asinine round of "is that a yes or a no" with him, or him sending me a sign.

Very recently, I asked him for a sign that he's still there. That he hasn't gone anywhere or left me. I asked him to send me something bright orange, out of the ordinary, that I wouldn't expect to see. About two days later, at the beach, one of the friends we had been waiting on shows up wearing a bright orange dress. And I mean neon. And she never wears bright colors like that.

But, enough hyperspecific personal anecdotes. If I keep going, this post would be an autobiography.

Apollo, as a patron, is a very hyper and mischievous guide and mentor. He will say things that don't make sense in the moment, but will eventually make sense. He likes his riddles. He likes his complex-meaning messages. That is why it's important to write things down, of course.

Apollo, as a Godspouse.

So, let me start with the definition of a Godspouse. A godspousal to a God, Goddess, or any divine being with the intention to devote yourself to them wholly and fully for the rest of your life. This can look like a lot of things. It can be entirely platonic, it can be romantic, it can be a continuous boss-employee work style relationship, pretty much anything. The only difference between this and a normal worship or working relationship is that it is sort of binding. It is not a light decision to make, and it should be a decision you make after years of already devoting yourself to the divine being.

I am of the unpopular belief that you can start deity work at any time during your practice, not just later on. Apollo started my practice with me, and I am of the firm belief that I only understood parts of my practice and have made so much progress with his assistance. It obviously depends on the deity you work with, which deities you accept help from, and who you let into your life. But this is an entirely separate post for another time. Apollo and I have developed a strong, firm bond over the past 10 years. And in the grand scheme of my practice, we've been godspoused for only a short while.

Our relationship is more of a romantic kind, in the sense that we have our affectionate nicknames for one another (he calls me his songbird and sunbeam, and I call him Sunspot / my sunlight). We flirt back and forth and send one another gifts (I, in the form of offerings, and he, in the form of signs and literal gifts through people in my life). It's a sweet little give-and-take we have. My end goal, though, is to become a sort of oracle for Apollo. Again, this loops back to my obsession with time and prophecy.

The End (Finally)

If you read all of that, you rock! Apollo is important to me and he has left a major imprint in my life. He is a major source of light for me and to not ramble about him this much would be a cardinal sin of which I would have to repent for. Plus, he loves and adores attention. But I will stop running my mouth. As usual, if you have any questions or requests, feel free to comment them here or submit an ask via my tumblr. Blessed be, may the sun be your guide! A domani!