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b0mblover · 3 months

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Bubble Bath? WHERE??

By: J

Oh god lopt what have you dONE-

[disclaimer; do NOT put bubble bath in the toilet, it can clog pipes!]

(no tws)

i uh, haven’t actually wrote like this in a while huh? sorry this actually kinda sucks ass but it was haunting my brain.

(this is ur reminder that im not a writer btw)

uh lopt adopts a stray cat (no animal abuse i cant write that shit /srs) and puts bubble bath in the toilet bc he wants attention idk im not good at summeries

im sorry to all who reads this

—————

lopt could be, for lack of a better term, needy.

mason, since he had met lopt, had always referred to lopt as a cat, considerring how he could want all the attention in the world one moment, then want to be alone for 100 years the next.

today was the former.

mason had been working on more pages for “conspiracy theory” for hours now, this dissatisfied lopt.

he didnt know everything about humans, but he knew that he often got tired of paperwork, so he knew (or at least assumed) that mason was overworking himself.

logically, according to lopt at least, he walked into the ‘office’ mason was working in, and started to bother him with random questions.

“hmmm would you say that being a journalist is comic or tragic?” he spoke

“a pain in the ass is what it is” mason said before erasing another line

“no but really, what do you think it isssss”

mason stayed quiet for several minutes, sighing several times as he kept trying to rework his sentences.

lopt sighed, “fine, fine, i get your busy and all, but couldnt you at least take a liiiiittle break?” lopt said with a semi pleading voice

mason erased the same line again, staring at the page, before turning his head up to lopt, he sighed aswell,

“no, i cant. im sorry. you know i love you and all, but this is important. you *know* this.”

lopt looked at his eyes, seeing the exhaustion

“cmon not even 10 minutes? please???” lopt pleaded with his lover

“i will once i get to a place i can stop, and if youre going to stay and here, please try to be a little quieter”

mason hated scolding lopt, but sometimes he had to be treated as a child to make him understand.

and sometimes it backfired.

lopt sighed and walked out of the door behind mason, giving one glance at him before shutting the door behind him.

he went back up to his room to think of anything to do since his partner was busy, he knew that his work was important to him sure, but he couldnt understand just why he pushed himself to do it so much.

after an hour of laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, he decided to bring mason some fruit, it was partly an attempt to bring his boyfriend out of the room, but also just because it had been hours and he knew for a fact mason wasnt eating in there.

(UNRELATED BUT MY CAT IS SCREAMING RN AS I WRITE THIS AND HE FUCKINF WAS SCRATCHING ST THE DOOR NOB IM SOBBING HIW IS HE THAT LONG, HE JUST STRETCHED UP THERE ANYWAYS BRB TO GIVE HIM ATTENTION)

(alr back)

lopt cut up strawberries and peeled an orange for his partner, knocking in the door before opening it.

he sat the plate down on masons desk in front of him, hoping to draw his attention.

mason looked up

“oh god what did you do.”

“wha- i? nothing??? i didnt do anything? is it wrong to want to give you something to eat?” lopt fake pouted

mason sighed “well thank you, but seriously. what did you do.”

“i didnt do anything! promise! not yet at least…” lopts voice trailed off

“uh huh…if you say so..” mason sounded like he didn’t believe him

lopt being and idiot that thought on the spot started to speak again;

“im gonna go onna walk okay? wanna come with?”

mason stared at lopts face,

“its pissing cats and dogs outside, lopt. youre gonna get a cold”

(HELLO GAY PERSON SHO REFRENCE HOW ARE YO-) (srry not srry 🥰)

lopt sighed “ill be fine i swear! its not like..ill get hit by some truck..or.something….?”

(i feel deja vu writing this line wtf)

lopt cut mason off “so im assuming that means you dont wanna come with?”

mason rubbed the bridge of his nose

“i love you, but no. i already will have to deal with one sick dumbass, better

not make it two”

lopt pouted before kissing mason on the cheek saying he’d be back soon enough.

he walked up the stairs to his room, he didnt really know why he said he was going to take a walk, it was raining like hell, and (catlike) lopt didnt prefer to get wet.

he sighed grabbing his house keys and phone just in case, before he walked out of his door he grabbed his wallet aswell, just out if habit.

lopt grabbed ‘his’ (more like masons community jacket) jacket, pulling the hood up and walking out the door, quietly shutting it behind him.

he walked down the side walk at a normal pace and past the park, 1/4 of a km down, he seen a cat, it looked to be 1-2 years old, missing half its right (front) leg and its left eye, it looked like a grey tabby, it seemed…familiar, to lopt.

it was stuck between two very narrow buildings, why would anyone even leave such a narrow gap? lopt helped free the cat, petting it (and just looking at it) he could see that the poor thing was soaked, gods know how long it was stuck there.

the cat purred and rubbed around lopts now wet pant legs, it was quite friendly, but he also knew that this cat was indeedly a ‘stray’, he had seen the cat one day, he looked around for its owner before a nice old lady informed him that she was a stray cat since her owner had died.

he picked up the cat, now deciding to go over to the pet store 3 blocks down (idk blocks i dont live in a place that has them sorry!)

now holding her, the cat snuggled into lopts semi wet t shirt that was now exposed from the zipper of his jacket accidentally being pulled down.

now walking, he tried to remember what the lady said, “something something her owner died of an overdose” he couldnt recall if it was said if it was on accident or not.

he also remembered the lady saying how no one would take the cat in, even after begging, it was mostly apartment complexes that didnt allow animals sure, but did no one really try?

he walked into the pet store, cat in hand/arms, he picked out a small bag of food, and some small toys, he would have to come back to get litter and such after he leaves the cat at home.

he payed for the items and started walking back, in another store window, something caught his eye.

(dont ask this is illogical but fuck it why not! for some context lopt is carrying the bags with one hand and cat in the other, chill ass cat)

it was bubble bath, typically meat for kids sure, but what was lopt if not a kid turned into a god (what)

(just assume they allow animals in there idk at this point 😭😭)

with on hand/arm lopt picked up around 5 bottles of bubble bath, he didnt have a plan in mind sure but he’d figure out some use for it.

lopt payed (again somehow only doing this with one hand) and left to go back home.

struggling to open the door, he set the bags down, twisting the knob, picking up the bags, and walked in.

he sat down the bags on the dining table, and decided to go show mason the cat.

“lopt you do know i’m allergic right?”

lopt was shocked, 6 months of dating and he never knew that?!

“i- what- n-no. i” lopt fumbled over his words, he knew the cat had lived im the streets for a while now, he couldnt just put it back out there!

“calm down-“ mason said before sneezing “its pretty mild anyways, its not like ill die or something”

lopt had some tears in his eyes, scared of having to pick between his boyfriend or a cat, he was never a great decision maker

“s-so we /wont/ have to let the cat go…?” he asked with some hope in his voice

“no we wont have to let the cat go” mason said slightly laughing “im shocked youre so attached to it anyways honestly” he seemed to find some amusement in lopt, a god, who had been alive for hundreds of thousands of years, was worried about having to let a cat go.

“i- well!” lopt said playfully frustrated,

sighing “how about you help me go set up some food and water

for it okay?”

“sure sure, you gotta litter

pan?”

“no im gonna go back out to get that”

mason stood up “alright alright” mason said putting his hand out for the cat to sniff, before petting her.

they used normal bowls for the cats food and water since it wasnt like they had food bowls yet, lopt pet the cat and went back out to get some litter for her.

on the walk there, he contemplated just what to do with all the bubble bath he bough, and a plan came to his mind, he knew mason still only came out of his room to watch the cat and help set up the food and water, he went back to working on his book thingy right after.

if mason wasnt going to give him attention, then he’ll have his own fun.

he bought litter, a litter pan, and a few extra things such as a few more toys, extra food, a harness and leash, etc.

he knew exactly what he was going to do.

he walked back, he decided to put the litter pan in the half bath down stairs so the cat wouldnt have to go up and down stairs to eat and shit all the time (kill me now 😭😭)

the cat seemed nowehere to be found, he walked into masons now open room, finding the cat sleeping on the left side of masons desk.

this was the best chance to put his plan into action, he tried on more time to get mason out of his room, failing again.

sighing, he grabbed the bag on the table and walked up to the full bathroom upstairs.

he went over to the toilet, and squeezed 2 1/2 bottles of bubble bath into it.

nothing seemed to happen.

(idk how bubble bath works sorry if this is wrong 😭😭)

he sighed, flushing the toilet, since nothing seemed to happen, he just had to wait until mason came back out, as he was going to leave he turned around, looking into the toilet, he seen an asston of bubbles starting to form.

he waited as it grew and grew, he decided to go get mason “to help” by time they both got back into the bathroom it had completely over flowed with bubbles.

mason and lopt both started to panic, lopt didnt mean for it to go this far, but the bubbles just kept going.

mason thinking fast, went down stairs and grabbed a mop.

he essentially attacked the bubbles (mopping them like normal.)

but they just kept coming.

and his arm was getting very tired.

he decided to set a timer for 10 minutes to wait until it got bad again then to mop them up.

mason repeated this several times, around 2 hours worth (12 times) before it looked mostly gone.

lopt decided to try and flush the remaining bubbles.

and it worked! no more bubbles in the toilet!

why hadnt they just thought of flushing it a second time.

mason high fived lopt and sighed.

“welp, back to work”

mason walked back to his office, lopt groaned, knowing that it would take mason even longer to finish his work now.

at least now they both have a cute cat to keep them company.

#j writes badly #no beta we die like jirou #im sorry for writing this #ive noticed that im actually shit at following my own deadlines thats why its always so spontaneous #im combusting irl pls save me /neg #im actually going crazy bc its almost the 24th and i feel basically paranoid from whats gonna happen bc of last year #hgbbgfnd not to vent but *am* i a bad person????#hgbbfnddjbebtnrs do all my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep!#unrelated but i got more playdough and im absolutely making a tiny rainbow dick #out of spite of corse #idk how to spell course? corse?? coarse????#😭😭😭 /gen btw id love to know!#a mutual of mine hasnt been online in weeks on my main acc and i miss them sm #hggbfnfnmsm im trying so hard to not vent in the tags and leave it to my main its failing tho ;-;#hgbgbfnd ill shut up now #if youve somehow read this far in the tags remember to eat and drink and get proper sleep! :D

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anotherhellchild · 4 years

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📂 i love your headcanons!

Aaahhhh thank you so much!!

Alright so, in honour of ur username…. Imma spout a Dadzawa + Bakuson + cat headcanon

(Quick shout out to @arschemy first tho! This was originally her idea and she really helped me <3)

The sun’s going down and Katsuki is on his way back to the dorms from his run.

It’s cold out, not cold enough for a jacket but definitely cold enough for a long sleeved shirt. The sky is getting darker and Katsuki’s heavy breaths become visible after every short exhale. The boy’s maybe got another three or four kilometers left before he’s back at UA’s gates, he’ll probably be there in about ten minutes.

A small, dark gray dot appears on the light gray concrete about two meters away from Katsuki’s feet. Then another falls a little away from there. Soon, more specs materialize and before Katsuki knows it, rain starts pouring down all around him. The street is empty. His hair dampens and falls down his forehead, wet locks of blond hair cover the top of his eyes. Raindrops slide down his neck and partially soaked socks make every step uncomfortable.

He should probably pick up the pace.

There’s a loud shriek. Or more accurately, there’s a loud shriek-like sound.

The noise comes from the alleyway to Katsuki’s right and the teen halts his movement right away.

Taking a couple steps back, Katsuki peeks past the corner of the wall. He’s just in time to see a cardboard box flip over and fall to the ground. After a moment of nothing, the thing knocks itself about three centimeters to the left.

Katsuki’s pretty sure unanimous objects aren’t supposed to be able to do that.

He should probably investigate this.

Making sure to keep his footsteps light, Katsuki carefully steps closer to the box. He needs to be cautious, you never know who or what could pop out from under a box in a sketchy alleyway.

mrrreowwww!

Oh. It’s just a fucking cat.

Great.

Somewhere, deep in the teen’s heart, Katsuki’s honestly a little relieved. Everywhere else though, Katsuki feels really stupid.

Not everything is out to get you, you fucking idiot.

Maybe he’s starting to turn a little paranoid.

The side of the box lifts up slightly, just enough for a little black paw to stick out from underneath.

Katsuki stares.

A black nose nudges it’s way underneath the box too, it fits perfectly in the gap created by the small paw. Whiskers and pointy teeth poke out from under cardboard.

Soundlessly, Katsuki crouches down.

The cat's head nudges and squirms it’s way out from underneath the box, once the small, drenched face completely finds its way out of its cardboard prison, it freezes.

Katsuki doesn’t move.

Big, red eyes stare into his.

Neither of them blink.

Rain still falls around them. Fat drops of water crash to the ground and two creatures get soaked in a stare off.

The cat gives first, it carefully tilts its head before cautiously continuing the process of getting out from under the box. It’s eyes stay locked on Katsuki.

Katsuki blinks then, the movement is slow and he doesn’t dare move any other muscle.

The cat blinks back. The thing’s found its way out from the box and it takes a cautious step towards the blond. Its black, spikey fur is a little tangled and really wet. Its ears are back and flat against its head. The thing looks underfed, cold and ready to pounce.

Katsuki offers his hand.

The distance between the two is closed slowly. After a couple sniffles, the cat comes even closer, maybe it senses Katsuki’s warmth. Maybe it craves that warmth.

Fuck.

Katsuki didn’t think he’d be relating to a fucking alleycat when he left for his run an hour ago, yet here he is.

The boy carefully gives the shivering creature a pat on its head. The thing immediately demands for more.

No.

Fuck.

He can’t get attached to the fucking cat. He’s not even a cat person for fucks sake.

mew

A little black paw comes up to tap Katusuki’s hand after it paused in its movement. Big red eyes seem to glow in the dark.

Tch.

When the hell did he become so weak?

---

Katsuki prays to any deity that nobody hears him enter the dorms. He really really really does not need anybody talking to him right now.

The cat squirms around in Katsuki’s shirt. The thing’s still shivering a little bit, but it’s already much better than twenty minutes ago. It serves as a nice lil’ heater on Katsuki’s chest too.

After looking around to make sure the coast is clear, Katsuki makes a bee-line for the stairs. By some miracle, he actually manages to make it to his room undetected.

Once he’s got the cat inside, Katsuki does his best to help the little guy out.

First, he takes the thing to the showers. Luckily for them, it’s too early in the evening for anybody else to be around in the bathroom so they get all the space they need to clean/ warm up.

It doesn’t take long for Katsuki to discover the hardest part of the whole ‘cleaning process’. Even though the damn thing is already soaking wet, it absolutely refuses to touch the warm, clean water Katsuki prepared for it. Lets just say that giving the cat a much needed bath has earned the boy quite a couple scratches.

The cat’s an annoying lil’ beast.

After both of them are all cleaned up though, it’s easy for Katsuki to brush the tangles out of the cat’s fur. The animal doesn’t put up any fuss and it actually seems to lean into the touch.

Katsuki finds some dinner for the both of them after all that is said and done. The cat desperately needs some food and water and although there isn’t any cat food in the dorms, they both make due with some random things Katsuki finds in the kitchen.

It’s too late to go out to a pet store right now, that’s just going to have to be done tomorrow.

The rest of the night, Katsuki and the cat just chill together. Katsuki honestly never knew watching a cat chase a laser could be so entertaining.

This kind of sucks, he thinks a couple hours after he found this monstrosity of a creature stuck under a fucking cardboard box in some random alleyway.

He looks down to where the bundle of black fur is curled up on his chest, the damn thing is purring and maybe maybe it's definitely already earned a special spot in Katsuki's heart.

I can’t keep you.

Katsuki knows he can’t. It would be unfair to the cat and it would be too selfish of him.

It’s not like he wants it this way, but he knows- he knows the cat deserves better.

So, there’re really only two options:

1) Take the cat to a shelter. It’d probably find a good home to live in. There’s no guarantee that would be the case though.

2) … Aizawa’s birthday is coming up. Katsuki hasn’t thought about what he wants to give his sensei yet but, everyone knows the man has a soft spot for strays.

Yeah, Katsuki’s already made up his mind.

---

It’s been a suspiciously normal birthday so far. Shota’s a little over 15 hours into the day and somehow, with his hell class, nothing drastic has happened yet. It’s almost unsettling, not that Shota’s complaining of course. He just… isn’t used to this relative normalness.

Whatever, he’s decided to just enjoy it. Perhaps the gods have finally decided to grant him a small break and the least Shota could do is accept that.

Anyway, Shota’s almost done giving his feedback speech to the kids and once it’s over, he’ll finally be free to take a much deserved nap.

“All in all, you guys did a good job today. Each of you know what you need to improve on individually so make sure you do. Dismissed.”

The class tiredly falters to the changing rooms at his words, except one stays where he is. The sight makes Shota sigh.

This is gonna be trouble, he thinks. The particular kid who's decided to stay behind is kind of notorious for- well he’s notorious for a bunch of things, but Shota will just use the word ‘danger’ for now.

Bakugou walks towards him as soon as the rest of the class is gone.

“Hey teach, I uhh gotchu somethin’.” The absolute hell child kind of awkwardly scratches the back of his head with those words. It’s obvious he’s having trouble with this, nevertheless Shota is incredibly proud of how far he’s come with his people skills. “Happy birthday I guess.”

Bakugou hands him a small, poorly wrapped package.

Honestly, Shota’s pretty surprised by the gesture. He… wasn’t expecting this. The class has already congratulated him with cake and gifts this morning, it was cheesy and sappy and sweet and it was done. The moment has already been had and it’s also already passed. Now Bakugou, of all people, is showing an extra form of affection towards him with whatever is wrapped in that paper.

Has the kid been hit with a quirk or something?

Unwrapping the package, Shota discovers... a collar.

Oh god.

It’s red with black seams on the outside and black with red seams on the inside.

Shota’s getting a very foreboding feeling about this, he’s also quite confused.

The man looks up to find Bakugou smirking.

“You can flip it around so either the black or red side shows.” The boy says.

“Bakugou, wha-?”

“I chose this colour cause it matches with his eyes.”

The kid crosses his arms over his chest. Somehow, the smirk on his face grows, an unnamed feeling in Shota’s chest grows with it.

“Also, I haven’t gotten a name tag yet cause I figured you’d want to name him yourself. Personally, I kinda liked ‘Dynamite’, but it’s obviously up to you though.”

Shota gulps. Pieces are falling together and he’s not sure he likes the picture they show.

What exactly did his devil spawn student do?

There’s no way- did he? Did he do what Shota thinks he’s done?

“Alright alright, look.” The kid says, hands up in a defensive stance. “Calm down sensei, jeez. Stop looking at me like you’re having a heart attack. I’ll explain, Okay?”

Shota takes a deep breath. He will show now sign of hope or excitement on his face.

“I was out on a run last week and I found a stray cat. I brought it back to the dorms cause it looked like shit and I- I just didn’t wanna leave it there.” Bakugou frowns at that, his gaze tears away from Shota’s and focuses on the ground instead. “Whatever. It’s really sweet and it deserves a good home. I knew you really liked cats and with your birthday coming up and all I just kinda figured you might want him? If you don’t then that’s fine of course, I just- hmph. It’s a good cat, okay?” The words are spoken clearly, Shota knows they’re used to hide insecurities though. Katsuki’s on the defensive.

There’s a lot to unpack. The main thing Shota notes is that Katsuki’s clearly gotten attached to this cat of his.

To be honest, Shota’s already made up his mind about this.

“So, you’re telling me you’ve been hiding a cat in your dorm room for a week now? You’re aware that’s against the rules right?” He keeps his voice calm and monotone.

The kid huffs. “Yeah, I have. And I do. I wanted to wait till your birthday to give him to you though, it’d kinda spoil the surprise if I told you.”

“True.” Shota stands up, thank god his capture weapon is there to hide his smile.

Katsuki looks up to him and there’s a bit of a pause. He stares at Bakugou and Bakugou stares right back.

“Well, am I going to be allowed to meet Dynamite or what?” Shota says, one brow quirked up in challenge.

Bakugou releases a breath, shoulders relaxing. “Yeah, you better take good care of him though, sensei. You won’t be forgiven if you don’t.” There’s a smirk on the boy’s lips, but his eyes are dead serious.

A fucking shovel talk.

Heh, leave it to his hell child to give such a casual yet intimidating shovel talk about a cat.

Pretty impressive.

He’ll be a fine hero, Shota thinks.

---

So, Dynamite is a fucking angel. Shota loves him and it’s no wonder Bakugou got so attached to him, the cat literally follows the boy around everywhere and Bakugou is definitely its favorite person.

It’s kind of nice, seeing the kid relax and let loose whenever he comes over to the teachers dorm for the creature. It happens quite often and Shota even brings the thing over to the dorms sometimes, just so Bakugou can hang out with it for a while.

What? It’s good to see the kid’s shoulders slump down whenever Dynamite sits on his lap. Bakugou absentmindedly strokes soft, black fur and the actions automatically makes his guard drop, albeit slightly.

Honestly, at this point Dynamite isn’t even his cat anymore. It’s his and Bakugou’s cat.

Shota doesn’t mind.

#IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER TO ANSWER #pls forgive me ive just been so busy #and i really kinda hated my writing #but i felt so guilty for making you wait so long :((#am very very sorry #anyway #the cat and katsuki are besties :)#Dynamite chills on katsukis shoulders all the time #it very cute #bnha #bakugou katsuki #shota aizawa #a cat #BNHA Headcanons #my hero academia #Headcanon #disclaimer btw: i know nothing about cats #do like them tho #folder ask!!

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littleoddwriter · 2 years

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ahhh awesome!! ur writing is so good btw <<33 i’d love to know how eddie would react to finding things in readers room- reader is ftm and maybe eddie finds out the reader is trans by seeing some needles and all the empty T vials on their bathroom counter. (i tooootally don’t have like 10 of them lying around & collecting dust) & how he’d react to the reader having a cat :> ♡

Getting to Know You | Edward Nashton/The Riddler x Trans!Male!Reader (Pre-Relationship)

Hiya there! Thank you so much!!! <3 <3 <3 Gosh, thanks for the request, hdfkjdhkjs, I really hope you like what I've done with it! By the way, I'd be willing to continue this particular story if you, or anyone else, wanted me to. :') <3

summary; Ed looks through your apartment to get to know you better, before he actually goes to talk to you, and finds some interesting things. Disclaimer: The card's text is not mine, I simply found it on the internet.

notes; Trans!Male!Reader; Reader is on T; Reader does not make an actual appearance; Pre-Relationship; Stalking; Obsession; Breaking & Entering; Pet Cats; No Dialogue; Mild Dark Fic.

Lately, Edward had a new favourite way to pass the time after work and whenever it fit in, which was watching his newest obsession: You.

He didn't just watch you in places you went to, though, taking pictures of you to study them once he returned home. No, he followed you home once, and took photos of everything to find back to your place for when you should be at work yourself.

And then, on his day off, he decided to finally go and look around your apartment. He hasn't been able to do that yet, and it was definitely about time.

He found you so interesting, so fascinating, so charming. He wanted to know everything about you that he could before he would try to talk to you. He wanted you to know that he was the right one for you immediately, and that would only truly work if he knew absolutely everything about you beforehand. He couldn't allow himself to make mistakes.

Edward had gotten into your apartment almost too easily. Something that concerned him. You needed to be more aware of how easy it was to find your spare key under the potted plant outside your door. It was dangerous, considering that the wrong people could simply walk inside. He'd have to warn you about that eventually.

Right now, though, he only wanted to look around your apartment and see what new information he could find out about you.

As soon as he'd gotten in, a cat greeted him. Quickly, he closed the door behind himself, lest the cat would manage to get out.

He looked down at it, tilting his head to the side. The cat did the exact same thing, eyeing him curiously.

When nothing else happened, Ed shrugged and let his eyes sweep over the entrance way first. There was nothing much of interest to him. Your jacket and coats hung on a coat hanger, your shoes and boots were placed below on a small shelf, and there was a chest of drawers that also had a small bowl on top of it, which was empty now, but he guessed your keys landed in there when you came back home.

He took out his phone and photographed your coat and its size, doing the same thing with a pair of shoes and boots each.

He walked down the hall and turned right, which led him to the kitchen. He spent quite some time there, finding out what your eating habits were, what you ate most, such as your favourite drink, which was evident by the amount of bottles you owned, and taking photos of all the products he deemed important. The cat followed him throughout, sticking to him, but otherwise not doing anything. He thought that was a good sign. Your cat already trusted him, and it should. You were meant to be with him after all. He couldn't afford to be disliked by your pet.

Once he was done in the kitchen, he walked over to the living room, which was on the opposite side.

It was decorated nicely, made to feel personal, as it was covered in things you liked; posters, books, DVDs, CDs, action figures, and more. He liked that. There was also a TV and a couch not far from it, such as a carpet on the floor between them. He took photos of the entire room at different angles, making sure the posters and the likes were visible. He took close-ups of your DVD and CD collections. He'd have to take a weekend or two to himself to watch and listen to each title.

Next was your bedroom. He looked forward to it.

It was similarly decorated to your living room, which he thought was a nice touch and really underlined how much you liked certain things that you've hung up posters of in either room.

After he took a photo of your king sized bed, he put his phone away for a second, to take your sleeping clothes into his hands; a soft, big, cotton shirt and a pair of boxer shorts.

He hesitated for a moment, but then gave into his instinct and put his face into the shirt, inhaling its scent. It smelled clean, but there was something underlying that was just you. He breathed in deeply to savour it. He really liked it.

Exhaling slowly, Eddie pulled away from the shirt and put your clothes back on the bed.

Then, he opened each drawer of your bedside table. He almost expected to find something related to sex, considering that most people kept their lube and condoms in one of those drawers, but you didn’t. There were just some trinkets that he guessed you couldn’t fit anywhere else. He took a photo of those as well, thinking that they could be important if they were beside your bed, rather than in a different drawer.

After that, he walked over to your closet to look into it. He only found your clothing neatly stacked or hung up, showing off all the different items you owned. He also took a photo of the entire closet, noting down some of the brands you owned more pieces of, such as the different sizes for each.

When Edward was done with your bedroom it was time for the last one - the bathroom.

He heard a quiet meow behind himself and turned around. That was a different cat than the other one. Huh. So you owned two pet cats? He could work with that.

Ed crouched down and held his hand out to the cat. It sniffed at his hand for a bit before coming closer and rubbing its head against his palm. Smiling he scratched the cat’s head and behind its ear, making it purr. He mused just how lucky he was to not be allergic to the felines.

After a few minutes passed, though, Ed straightened back up. He couldn’t let himself be distracted like that for long after all. While you were supposed to be gone for a few more hours, he shouldn’t risk anything just yet.

In your bathroom, he first went to the shower, looking at the products you used and taking photos of them. Then he turned around and crouched down to look at the cabinet below the sink. The left side held cleaning products and the right side held extras of the hair and body products you used.

When he looked at the bathroom counter, he stopped short. There were at least eight vials and needles on the right side. He took a closer look, picked one vial up, and read that it was testosterone. Interesting. He knew what that could mean.

So, he took a photo of it and noted down to do research on what being a transgender man meant for someone, how it may impact their daily life, etc. Ed had to admit that he only had the most basic surface knowledge about it, so doing this research would definitely benefit him in more than one way.

Edward only found you to be even more intriguing now. It was as though everything he’s found out about you thus far changed in some way, like it became more meaningful. He’d have to look at his photos of you more closely again with the knowledge he now had.

That was why he thought it was so important for him to do this and go through all your things. He didn’t mean to invade your privacy. He only wanted to know everything he could so he wouldn’t make any mistakes and potentially mess up. And this was something he could have fucked up terribly if he hadn’t snooped around.

At last, he’s seen and photographed everything he needed.

Before he left, he opened his jacket’s pocket and pulled out the envelope with the card he’s written for you. It was risky. He’s never contacted you before, but he felt that it was time to start initiating it.

‘To Y/N’ was written on the royal blue envelope.

Inside was a card with an owl printed on it, saying ‘Guess who…’.

In the card, Ed had written, ‘Although you may not know my name, you are special to me just the same.’

Usually he would opt for a nice riddle, but he discarded each one he’d written because none of them really conveyed this sentiment well enough. But he would try them out for the next card he would write to you. This one was mostly to test the waters anyway.

At the bottom, the card’s own text continued, ‘... your secret admirer.’

Edward walked out of your apartment, after having said goodbye to your cats, and placed the envelope on your doormat outside.

With a happy smile and while humming Ave Maria, Ed walked downstairs and out of the building, practically skipping to his own apartment complex.

He couldn’t wait to finally make you his.

#if you've read my fic about Thomas Schiff breaking into your apartment I've taken like two aspects from there into this one #just because i find them particularly interesting and to be driving the point home that Eddie is a creep lol #trans male reader #trans male reader insert #male reader #edward nashton #ed nashton #edward nashton x reader #the riddler #the riddler x reader #dano riddler #dano!riddler #dano riddler x reader #paul dano #danonation #fanfiction #fanfic #dark fic

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mademoisellehypergamy · 4 years

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✨ CREATING A PERSONA FOR HYPERGAMY & SOCIAL CLIMBING ✨

The votes are in and “Persona” won! Ladies, get the notebooks out. Class is in session. And this is gonna be a long one.

Be honest with me: Are you currently your ideal woman? The majority of you will probably answer honestly and say no. And there’s nothing wrong with admitting that. The harsh reality is most women on their hypergamous journey aren’t even close to being the ideal woman they aspire to be. Hell, the average woman (hypergamous or not) will probably live her life never being able to become that woman, if we’re being completely honest here.

I believe every hypergamous woman should create and adopt a persona. You are who you believe to be. When I was younger, my teachers and parents told me I was academically gifted. So guess what? I believed the same! That pushed me to work even harder in school. Same concept applies here. You are who you believe to be. A persona isn’t a “fake” version of you. It is you. Your ideal person. It is malleable, so it can change at anytime. Just like you changed throughout your life.

STEP 0 - WHY YOU SHOULD ADOPT A PERSONA

✨Not Everyone Will Win the Birth Lottery. But that doesn’t mean you can’t rewrite your past, and repave your future path. Let’s face it: some of you were born into bad circumstances; abusive families, poverty, toxic relationships, obstacles and barriers, etc. And some of you are living lives currently that you aren’t satisfied with: stressful job, health issues, bad environment, *insert sob story here*, blah, blah, blah, woe is me! But should your current and past conditions get in the way of your hypergamous journey? No! Absolutely not.

✨You Can’t Be the Same Basic B*tch Forever. Okay b*tch, when you were being “true to yourself” in the past, look where it got you. Probably in a less than favorable situation. Congratulations for being an authentic basic b*tch! 🥳😊

Ladies, change is necessary. When you started your hypergamous journey, you underwent a change. Are you saying your hypergamous self is fake? Of course it isn’t! It’s still you, just an “elevated you”. One that is more aware and knows what she wants.

✨ Most People Don’t Even Know Who TF They Are. It’s sad, but true. Most people are lost and suppressing their true desires and personality. I’m here encouraging you ladies to create your ideal persona and to become this woman. Because this woman is who you are deep inside, who you want to be. Stop hiding her! Create her, and become her! As long as this person isn’t harming anyone, there is no reason you shouldn’t chase your dream self.

STEP 1 - CHOOSE & CREATE YOUR PERSONA

This is the fun part ladies! Time to choose and create your new persona!

✨ What Kind of Woman Do You Aspire to Be? Have fun with this ladies! What kind of woman have you always dreamt of becoming? Is she wildly intelligent and beautiful? Or perhaps she has a heart of gold and is adored by all? Nothing is off limits. This is you.

For those of you who are truly struggling, below I have included a few examples of common personas. If you don’t know where to begin, choose one as the “foundation” and build on it. Make it your own!

*Disclaimer: Anyone that I mentioned/included below is simply for inspiration. Not all of these women are hypergamous. This is just for inspiration*

1. The Socialite/ The “It” Girl: This is the girl that everyone knows. She’s always at a party with a glass of champagne, wearing the latest styles, and living the BEST life. She’s glamorously unattainable and few have access to her, but somehow she’s a part of every social circle.

Inspiration: Jamie Chua (https://www.instagram.com/ec24m/)

2. The Traveler: This is the girl that travels constantly. Whether it’s across the globe or to a different state/town, she’s always on the go! No one seems to know how she funds her lifestyle because she always appears to be traveling and never working. Her pictures are always on point and high quality, with a combination of bikini pictures, relaxing scenery, exotic foods, and endless hotels.

Inspiration: Jennifer Tuffen (https://www.instagram.com/izkiz/)

3. The Influencer: Think of the ultimate Instagram Baddie; perfect body (usually because of surgery), full lips, carefully applied makeup, nails always done, hair on point. She is sponsored by all the clothes brands, and lives lavishly. She’s always out at a restaurant and traveling. Typically dresses in more revealing clothes/lots of bikinis. What differentiates her from the Socialite? The degree of elegance and class. While the Socialite gives you an “heiress” vibe, the Influencer is more on the “flashy celebrity” side.

Inspiration: Kaylar Will (https://www.instagram.com/kaylarwill/)

4. Femme Fatale: She rarely posts on social media, but when she does, it only makes you question her existence more. This girl is beautifully sensual, and her social media only reveals bits and pieces of her life. She is an entire mystery, no one knows about her private life. One day she’ll be flying from London, the next she’ll be visiting an art gallery She’ll sometimes post images of gifted roses with poetry captions. She oozes seduction and dark mystery.

Inspiration: Dita Von Teese (https://www.instagram.com/ditavonteese) Now I thought long and hard about who to choose for this one, and if you take a moment to look at Dita’s IG account, you will understand why. You will notice that the ONLY thing she posts about is her clothes/lingerie brand or things relating to business. She reveals nothing about her personal life. Every post is promotion about her business. In fact, the last time she posted something about her “life” was on October 8th when she posted her CAT modeling another designer’s scarf. She’s a very discreet woman, and it works in her favor.

5. Girl Next Door: You know that basic b*tch that’s SUPER popular for no reason? This is her. From her Starbucks to her Tiktoks, she’s just your average girl living her life. In a way, she isn’t a threat because she seems approachable, relatable, and friendly enough through social media. Something about her aspires others that they can achieve a similar lifestyle. She’s terribly basic, but somehow, it works.

Inspiration: Loren Gray (https://www.instagram.com/loren/)

6. Exotica: *This persona is best suited for women of color* She is exotically beautiful and unique. She is a trendsetter, not a follower. She has an air of heightened sexuality, with a touch of grounded-spirituality. Something about her is wild and untamed, and she oozes excitement and adventure.

Inspiration: Monica Leon, or “Danger”. Now if you’re in my generation, you may remember the reality show “For the Love of Ray J” (which was ghetto btw💀). To this day, one girl that I will NEVER forget on that show, was “Danger”, the girl with the tiger tattoo on her face and that NO ONE liked, but Ray J was obsessed with. Although she no longer is on Instagram (and has since legally changed her name), I still believe she naturally embodied that exotic and mysterious woman persona. I recommend watching the show for free on Youtube just to observe her (and only her because the other women were pickme’s 💀)

7. The Luxurious Diamond: This woman is the epitome of class and elegance. She exudes femininity and grace, and holds an air of mystery by only showing us bits and pieces of her life. What we see is soft luxuries, wineries, beautiful clothes/scenery, and a life of comfort. She balances a mature, elegant, ladylike presence, with subtle girly-youthfulness.

Inspiration: Г-жа Анисимова https://www.instagram.com/creme_de.la_femme/

✨How Does She Look Like? From her hair to how she wears her makeup, be able to create a vivid description of her appearance. Being able to do this will show you where to work on with your current appearance.

✨Personality We all have traits about ourselves that we don’t like. This is your chance to identify your traits that you love and maximize them, while also working on the aspects of your personality that are a bit more problematic.

It’s important to recognize that some “negative” traits are not really negative. Society just shames us for them. For example, “The Socialite” persona may be polite, but that doesn’t mean she’s super open and friendly with everyone. Not everyone is her friend, and she is naturally unattainable. So why would she be super friendly to everyone? Some may call her “standoffish”, but I call it “selective”.

✨Past Self? Not a Problem. So let’s say you had a less than perfect childhood and endured a lot of trauma. Not a problem, just reinvent your past! Now I’m not saying to straight up lie and make up a crazy story about how you grew up with billionaire parents and traveled the globe. I’m saying adopt a realistic story that’ll help you on your journey.

For example, if your date were to ask about your past, instead of telling him how tragic your childhood was and how you were homeless and abused by your parents, and no longer have a relationship with them, you can say: “I moved around a lot as a child (“homelessness”), so I really enjoyed being able to interact with a lot of different people (make the negative seem positive). My parents still move around a lot, so it’s hard for us to meet (explains why you aren’t in contact with your parents).

Reword and reframe, ladies. Not everyone needs to know everything.

STEP 2 - BRING HER TO LIFE

✨Remove. You cannot embrace your new persona, your new IDENTITY, if you are still stuck in the past. And that includes past connections that do not serve you. Some of your old friends (college friends, childhood friends, etc.) are not meant to accompany you on this journey. And that’s OKAY. Same with other toxic relationships in your life, family included. You will have to decide who to keep, and who to distance yourself from.

✨ Social Media! I’ve mentioned this in an earlier post, but social media is the easiest way for you to push your new persona. You control the content that goes on your social media, so even if you haven’t fully embodied your new persona, you can sure as hell fake it on social media.

- Unless your persona is a socialite/influencer type, avoid posting too often. - Be consistent; if you retouch your images, make sure its consistent with all your photos. - Be mindful of what people tag you in/post about you. You know that “friend” who always posts the ugliest pictures of you? Yeah. They’re not your friend, hun.

✨Dress. The. Part. Okay, sis. You can have the personality down perfectly, but if the look doesn’t match, no one will buy it. Your look is the first thing people notice, so invest in it. It doesn’t cost a lot, especially with fast fashion sites like Shein that sells clothes for $5. Just be able to keep up the appearance.

✨ Immerse Yourself in the Environment. Looking the part and having the right personality is not enough, ladies! It wouldn’t make sense for you to be a “Socialite” sharing pictures of you eating at Red Lobster and Olive Garden every night. It wouldn’t make sense for the “Traveler” persona to share only bathroom selfies in her apartment. You have to live like the woman you aspire to be, and that includes placing yourself in those environments.

If you are not in the place financially to do so, learn to project the image without spending money. Ex: If you can’t afford to go to Hawaii, go to your local beach and take bomb ass pictures. Don’t tag the location. People will automatically see a beach in your picture and assume you are on vacation traveling. Get creative, ladies.

✨You Owe Them Nothing. Ladies! Remember you don’t owe anyone anything. Not an explanation, not your time, nothing. So if you are living this new persona and people are asking questions you don’t want to answer: don’t. This is your life.

STEP 3 - YOUR PERSONA WHILE DATING HYPERGAMOUSLY & SOCIAL CLIMBING

So now that you have created your ideal persona, and taken the steps to incorporate it into your life, how can you use your newfound persona to aid you on your hypergamous journey and while social climbing?

✨Infiltrate New Circles. Your persona should be someone exciting and enticing. People love befriending people who are happy and adventurous. Use your persona to befriend others and enter new social circles. You can do this through: - Social media; follow similar accounts to yours and interact with them. - Activities related to your persona; Let’s say you adopted the “The Luxurious Diamond” persona and started visiting wineries. You may notice when you go that there are regulars; identify the regulars and use your common interest of wine to strike a conversation. -Interest groups; join clubs/groups that help you reach your goals. For example, “The Traveler” may have always wanted to travel to Bali, but didn’t want to go alone. She joins a travel group to meet other likeminded inviduals and meets a travel buddy. This person ends up introducing her to others who also enjoy traveling.

✨ Be a Chameleon. You should never be set on just one persona. Like I said earlier, your persona should always be malleable. You should be able to change yourself to your benefit, and always be open to expansion. When it comes to dating, a man may “want” a certain type of woman, but the secret is that most men just want a woman who is open to possibilities. I remember a man who used to be on my roster who loved music. This man was always insisting on taking me to operas and symphonies. And he too was a musician (I really don’t like dating musicians, but that’s a topic for another day), so whenever he was performing he would have me sitting in the box so I’d have an “undisturbed” experience. Now ladies, I’m not into music AT ALL. But I was open and willing, and guess what? The man adored it, and he adored me even more! He spoiled me like crazy and would serenade me with music he wrote about me because I was his “muse”. Although I ended up ghosting him, I definitely appreciate a good opera now!

✨Be Larger than Life to Entice. The attractive part about these personas is the fact that it feels almost fake. The image that is portrayed is almost mythical, like something out of a fantasy. You can’t believe this girl is traveling so much, or you can’t believe this girl still has a social life in the middle of a pandemic! It’s unbelievable, but that’s what makes us so intrigued. Men especially love fantasy. That’s why many men have a “dream girl”, a woman that embodies their physical and emotional fantasies. They love the impossible. It’s also important to remember that you are always being watched. People see you, whether in person or on social media, and when they see someone or something more interesting than their mundane life, curiosity will get the best of them. They’ll be drawn to you and want to know you.

✨ The Persona Advantage. Creating a persona is supposed to help your journey. The purpose is to reinvent yourself into someone who will help you better navigate your hypergamous life. For example, if you are trying to get into more exclusive, affluent circles, creating a persona who is skilled in social and dining etiquette would be more beneficial than a persona that’s an Instagram Influencer. Being an Instagram Baddie that wears Fashion Nova won’t help you at a Charity Gala. So be sure to think of what you desire in life to shape yourself into that. Don’t just become someone who won’t get you to where you want to be.

This post will definitely have a Part 2 in the future, but in conclusion: You can be whoever you want to be as long as you play the role. Be an actress in your own life, and live the life you desire.

Well ladies, I’ll be away for Valentine’s day weekend. Wishing you all a wonderful and safe weekend ❤️ Lots of love.

Follow my IG for more: @mademoisellehypergamy

#mhlessons #hypergamy #hypergamous #black hypergamy #hypergamy tips #black femininity #keptwoman #kept wife #spoiled girlfriend #spoiled gf #spoiled heaux #black girls in luxury #black women in luxury #luxury lifestyle #black women in leisure #black women in femininity #sugaring tips #sugaring

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isthisanimalmediacute · 3 years

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Thoughts on juniperfoxx on Instagram? They repeatedly say their foxes aren’t pets but the animals live in their house, sleep in the bed, and interact with their dogs so I’m leaning towards... it’s actually bad. But figured I’d get a second opinion.

I'm absolutely agreeing with you. the owner of these animals also owns dogs, an opossum, a sugar glider, and does wildlife rehab. at the very least I can somewhat say these animals are in good hands. they are in generally good health and such. however, foxes are NOT pets, they are wild animals. they are offered an outdoor pen, but are also allowed in the house. there are also several examples of the foxes squabbling amongst themselves as there are at least 4 (once 5?) in the same household. and she's guilty of anthropomorphising too, which is bad because of the insane following she has. please don't tell your followers your fox "smiled back" after getting kisses. they don't smile. they're foxes. even if it was a happy expression, the same expression is a sign of discomfort in dogs, and most people don't care to note the difference in species.

one of the most alarming thing I saw was her support for SaveAFox (check this post, it's BAD) and horrific choice of words towards furfarming. believe it or not, breeding animals domestically for their products is not a bad thing, and farm animals don't need "saving". you buying the broiler hen isn't going to make a difference and will prolong suffering to the animal, buying a reptile feeder mouse to treat as a pet isn't going to make a difference, it just makes the people feel good. I'm firmly of the opinion if we want to start doing anything about the climate crisis, we need to shift away from plastic faux fur which lasts a couple years to real fur which can last generations AND keep you warmer. there are welfare issues to be had in how furfarms operate, but this is true for other products like poultry, and does not mean we should abolish, it simply means it needs reform, but I digress.

I also noticed her sugar glider appeared to have been purchased from a neglectful keeper, supporting their business. as sad as it is, animals being mistreated by another owner should not be purchased to be "rescued", as this will support the owner to continue mistreating more animals, this is why you see people saying never to buy from Petco, even if you see lizards overcrowded or deathly thin. what comes off as a sweet sentiment is actually supporting this treatment of animals to continue.

one of the other things that really put me off was one of her foxes, Lore, was very unwell and unfortunately passed away following complications. I was more uncomfortable with the fact that she knew these two didn't get along, but let Juniper in anyway because she was "insisting". this interaction is cute, but what if it went wrong? comparably a nitpick, but it's not something I would risk with my cats let alone wild foxes. and, again, anthropomorphisation.

regardless, she could've done everything right, and it still wouldn't excuse the fact she runs a social media account on her animals. she touts it as "educational", but there's nothing to be learned from foxes in a household. no doubt none of the followers care to read the footnote on her posts disclaiming "foxes aren't good pets btw". it is irresponsible to use your platform to continually anthropomorphise wild animals being kept in arguably incorrect conditions when a follower base of 3 million people would absolutely not know better.

I'm not a master at fox body language, so I didn't go into detail with anything regarding behaviour or body language, but anybody who does know can shed some light on if they're comfortable/happy or not.

#juniperfoxx #foxes #i will simply say #notcute #because there's nothing cute about exotic pets 💖#anonymous

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spiked-tea-writing · 3 years

Text

I Want A Baby. For Dinner??

Georgenotfoundxfem!reader

Summary: Who wouldn’t want to annoy the hell out of their boyfriend??

Pronouns: She/Her

Warnings Swearing

Word Count: >1k

A/n: Disclaimer I don’t know how streams work, or literally anything. I’m sorry if it’s hella butchered

You loved your boyfriend very much

And one day while he was on call with his friends Sapnap and dream post-stream, being the good girlfriend you are, you were chilling over on the bed while George talked to his friends.

He had got up to go get something from the kitchen, so you slipped on his headset and began chatting

You were met with immediate chaos

“YOOOOO Y/N WELCOME TO HELL”

“Greetings Sapna. How are my boyfriend’s boyfriends doing??”

Dream let out a laugh

“We’re doing alright. Could I interest you in a deal? It involves messing with George.”

You quirked an eyebrow

“I do enjoy messing with him. What does this entail?”

Dream began to speak but Sapnap beat him to the punch

“Basically you’re gonna record yourself guessing his replies.”

“Why.”

Dream sighed

“For TikTok.”

“Since when did you care about TikTok?”

Sapnap cut you off.

“We just want to see how it goes”

“Alright, that seems like fun. I’ll do it”

“Do what?”

Your boyfriend had appeared back from the kitchen, a package of Oreos in hand.

“Oh, nothing dear. I just sold my soul to satan. As usual. Here’s your headset”

And with that you left your boyfriend there, dazed, confused, and holding Oreos

You began to form a list in your head of all of the things you knew you could get George to say out of instinct, and all you could do was grin

The only question was how would you be able to inconspicuously record?

Well there is only one way to find out

When you heard him sign off with his friends you set the phone on the table beside you recording

“Hey honey, what should we have for dinner tonight?”

“I don’t know, will you eat the chicken?”

“eAt ThE cHiCkEn?!?”

He looks disturbed at your outburst, and even more scared at the fact that you took just spoke in sync.

“What?”

“Oh nothing, let’s run to the supermarket and pick up some food.”

He still looked at you confused but nodded

“Alright, lemme get my jacket.”

He left towards the bedroom and you started laughing before ending the recording and pocketing the phone.

It’s a miracle he didn’t see it, but maybe you just could pull this off.

The day continued, you speaking in sync with George.

At the supermarket, back at the flat, and even while on the bus.

“George, can you get the cat?”

“Now why would you can a cat?”

“cAn A cAt?!”

“What the hell, Y/n.”

“What? I’d just like the cat, Dear.”

“George, I want a baby.”

“For dinner?”

“fOr DiNnEr?!”

“What do you think of my top?”

“It’s nice”

“Well does it compliment my eyes?”

“Honey, I’m colorblind.”

“iM cOLoRbLiNd.”

The entire time you were discreetly recording, always capturing your voices weirdly in sync and his disturbed face afterward.

He had always forgotten what you had been doing so you managed to get him every time, and it was hilarious watching him get progressively more flustered and annoyed

That night you sent all the clips to Dream, excited to see what he’d do with it.

After working all night and sleeping through most of the morning, because let’s be real here, after 4 years of living together, its only fair that your sleep schedules would be equally fucked, lmao tangent, yall woke up in the early afternoon

While in the process of caffeinating yourself, you heard the sound of a discord call coming in, and went over to the computer, answering the video call.

“What do you want?” “Goodmorning to you too.”

“Actually, bitch, it’s 2 in the afternoon.”

Sapnap rolled his eyes and Dream laughed and changed the subject.

“I edited all the clips together and finished it up. Get George in here so that I can send it to him and we’ll watch it together. Btw I’ll be recording.”

“Alright, that’s a plan and a half. GEORGIE!!”

You heard him pad into the room, looking confused.

“Yes, dear?” “Dream sent you a TikTok and wants us to watch it together.”

George looked confused.

“Dream...sent us a TikTok, to watch together…?” “Yes, George, you gotta keep up jeezus. Here.”

He sat down in front of the monitor, taking you in his lap, and opened the link.

The TikTok was posted to Dream’s account and suddenly you could hear Dreams voice

“I challenged George’s girlfriend to try and guess his replies. This is what she got.”

The rest of the video was all of the clips from yesterday, and you could hear Dream’s wheeze after every single one of them.

At the end of the short video, you looked behind you to see his reaction.

His eyes were just filled with disappointment.

“Really? That’s why you were doing this yesterday?”

You looked embarrassed.

“Yeah….”

“Jesus christ Y/n.”

“HEY you have to admit it was kinda funny.”

“...fine.”

#georgenotfoundxreader #georgenotfound x reader #george #georgenotfound #george fluff #georgenotfound fluff #george fanfic #george fanfiction #george x reader #georgenotfound x you #george x you #georgenotfound x y/n #george x y/n

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fanficmemes · 3 years

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idk if you remember but for a cursed sunday a while ago (i think it was your blog, not sure cause tumblr's search function is horrible) i sent an ask about drarry smut with magic acid that they drank and all that, and then today i also i sent one about spencer reid from cm...and-and dogs...

anyways! im here with more horribleness because im bored and the weight of the sins i have witnessed are too great for me to bear on the own (disclaimer: i do not condone any of the stuff ive talked about, and i do not wish to shame any fan writers bc just cause someone writes fucked up shit doesnt mean they personally think its ok and sending hate to someone you dont know is bad.)

teensie weensie 12 year old me was confused about my gender and looking for genderbent!harry potter fanfic to read. i stumble across a fic that says 'harry grows feline parts' in the summary, assuming the author made a typo and it was supposed to say feminine and click on it

NOPE!! he actually just grows cat ears and a cat tail. since i'm incapable of quitting stories, i read on even though i didn't particularly want to and my gut was giving me a bad feeling (i shouldn't listened)

harry is still at the dursleys, and the abuse is even more than in canon but nobody knows. snape is sent to fetch him and grumbles about it for a bit but then gets there and sees harry literally seconds away from death on the floor. he grabs him and goes to the headquarters where everyone is waiting. he gets healed, they give him some water but then tie him down to a chair and start questioning him about what happened at his house. he refuses, but then feels himself telling them anyway against his will, bc, plot twist, they fucking spiked his drink with truth serum without telling him.

so after they're done doing what is basically the magical equivalent of roofying and forcing him to give details about his bad home life he was not at all okay with talking about yet, he grows /another/ cat tail right next to the first. this is not explained outside of a couple lines about how its a genetic thing on his mom's side (btw, i dont remember it all perfectly, so plz cut my some slack)

insert 12 yo me's eyes bulging out of their head and quickly scrolling up to re-check the tags and being horrified that i somehow missed the snape/harry tag on it. what prompted this? oh, just a small little scene (/s) where snape basically jacks harry (who is still a minor /and/ one of his students) off but with one of the cat tails instead of his penis because?? because??

anyways, harry is (understandably) upset at everyone for the whole tying-him-down-drugging-him-and-forcing-him-to-reveal-information-he-was-not-ready-to-reveal situation so he decides to dip, change his appearance, and go into hiding under a different identity while staying at some hotel or smth.

there's a random subplot where he gets with draco, but as his secret identity whos is like,,,scottish i think and red head instead of himself and draco doesn't know?? however, when they're in bed right after finishing, the order (who have been trying for months to find him) burst through the door and catch him, then reveal his true identity. draco kinda just shrugs and says he would still be up for a second time because, rivals or not, harry was good in bed. harry has the exact same though process about draco and agrees, before draco leaves and doesn't come back into the plot ever again. (this is all happening in front of all of the other characters, who are pissed at harry for?? idek?? running away from them???)

so, they get mad at harry for a bit, there's some arguing, and then snape tells everyone to leave the room. he then proceeds to spank harry, bare skin on skin, as punishment and to get him to come back and join the order. i think someone cums, but i don't know for sure and idk who it was.

they finish up, exit the room, tell everyone harry isn't going to act out anymore, and thats the end. thats it. no explanation of the cat features, no reprimanding of /any/ of the characters' actions, no follow up on harry's emotions and thoughts on this, nope. nothing. the saddest part was prob that he was geniunely just,,,happier as his secret identity and doing nothing and enjoying the small things for months before the order made him come back.

btw, this was a oneshot and like 8k words i think??? i remember finishing and feeling unsatisfied cause i had to read all that and not even get a proper resolution. anyways, hope this was cursed enough for you. (sorry that its super long, i just didn't know how to condense all of this into something shorter)

What the fuck. 5.5/10

#asks #cursed asks

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castle-dimitrescu · 3 years

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Random HCs i have (part 1 most likely)

Alcina actually really loves animals and has quite a few pets, but she doesnt just settle with the typical dog or cat, she likes to go a bit more *exotic*

she grew up in a time where horses were the dominant mode of transport and so she was raised with tons of horses

she still keeps some horses for her and her family, all of which she treats like royalty

she loves going for a ride through nature on her favorite horse every day or at least when she has the chance

she loves her horses so much shes even hired servants specifically to care for the horses’ individual needs

the amount of money she has spent pampering her horses and other pets is unreal...

along with horses she also has a small chicken coop that she cares for personally

she has a white silkie hen named Zână, a black silkie hen named Vâlvă, a sumatra rooster named Nefîrtat, a giant white bramha rooster named Fîrtat, an onogadori rooster named Balaur, and a gray pekin bantam hen named Strigoi.

each of her pets’ names is the name of some ancient legendary figure or creature in pre-Christianized Romanian mythology.

Zână are basically the Romanian version of the traditional fairy or german elf, kind spirits that live in the woods and often help lost travelers find their way through the forest. Vâlvă are female spirits divided into two versions, Vâlve Albe who are seen as benevolent, and Vâlve Negre who are seen as malicious. Nefîrtat and Fîrtat were basically the first gods and the creators of the earth in the ancient Romanian creation story. Balaur is a giant serpent-like dragon with seven heads. Lastly, Strigoi were undead restless spirits who could transform into animals, become invisible, and were basically zombie vampires. (Disclaimer: I am by no means an expert on romanian mythology and know basically nothing about their culture, i came up with these names based on a few minutes of reading thru the wikipedia list of romanian legends. Please forgive me if i made a mistake or got something wrong about any of these)

Alcina has a MASSIVE special interest in cultural mythologies, folklore, legends, urban legends, and history, especially when it has to do with her own heritage

She adores chickens and loves having them as pets. she also breeds them occasionally for fun

just like her horses, alcina treats her chickens like royalty and absolutely spoils them

her favorite chicken is her onogadori rooster Balaur, she loves grooming his enormously long tail feathers and often lets him roam around in the castle and even sleep in her bed with her

btw you bet she has done some kinda ritual or experiment to make him nearly immortal like her

her favorite chicken breeds are onagadori and pekin bantams. onagadori because she loves the look of the roosters and pekins because R O U N D

thats all i have for now. im definitely gonna make more of these lol

#ooc #hcs #my random hcs #lady dimitrescu #tall vampire lady #re8 #resident evil village

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gracemyheart · 3 years

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KaguMyu Act I ~ RANT REACTION

Okay, so I watched act 1 of the new Sailor Moon Musical "Kaguya Hime no Koibito" and spoiler: it felt like wasted time. Even NewMyu is more exciting to watch and I say that as an official NewMyu-hater-disliker...

You can watch the musical full for free on vk.

I included screenshots to make my little notes a bit more exciting. Disclaimer again: I am and will forever be honest with my opinions. If I think something sucks, I'll say that it sucks. (Spoiler: This was even too boring to suck lmao). Tbh. I have no idea how the manga handeled this story so I will make references from the S-movie.

- The musical starts with the song "You are my universe" and I have to say, it reminds me strongly of Tsukiiro no Chainon. That is not particularly a good thing because those random J-Pop songs these days have a bad thing in common: There is not really a melody in them? Like it feels too mechanical and not like music anymore. I couldn't really follow the melody because it was actually not existing. A good thing is that every Senshi has some solo lines in the song but that doesn't make it better. I am for example not sure if I could sing it with that lack of melody and rhythm.

- Next thing is the costumes. Was there really not enough money to make them look not THAT cheap? Also, Chibimoon's costume looks so baggy? And her wig looks, I quote @vampiru-chan "like a burst sofa cushion" xD.

- What annoys me too is that we got those no-name background-dancer demons again. SO boring like wtf finally get something interesting like in Banitimes again!

- However, the choreography wasn't as bad as it usually is in NewMyu and with that I mean they were not swinging their arms like crazy while running and walking from on end to the other end of the stage. So I grant a bonus point for the choreography.

- Yuuka-Saturn NAILED her solo-line. Good girl.

- I am still annoyed, that we got that all-female cast again! It might be rare, but I am still a straight girl in this fandom and I need real men again xD And I think all the lovely gay fanboys in the fandom agree xP.

- After the dance-fight-song-scene we see how Kakeru finds Snow Princess Kaguya's ice crystal as he does in the movie and then we get to know that it is winter and the Senshi will celebrate Mako's, Mina's and Setsuna's birthdays all together. And I have to say, she doesn't do ANYTHING, she is only a side character and simply...well there - BUT I LOVE Shinjyu-Haruka so much, omg. Finally a good Uranus! Her face reminds me of Asako but she is stronger and her male-like acting does not feel that forced. Too bad she was in a musical that was not about the Senshi at all :(

- Again I have to say, WHO, WHO thought it was a good idea to cast a Sailor Moon with that kind of face? Like, literally wtf. Tbh I would sue the surgeon who is responsible for this.

- Okay, now we found out why the costumes are so cheap: The whole budget was spent on the civilian outfits. They are so sweet and so pretty, omg. I want to have them all!

- But because all the money was spent on the outfits, there was no budget left for Artemis >:( He is only mentioned.

- Then lemme ask why our Usagi-chan is so bitchy here? She pushed Minako to the side in a very-not-Usagi-like style??

- Okay, birthday goes on and we get a birthday song and then some kind of idol-song by Mina and Mako. And the songs are not memorable at all :(

- What I liked was this little scene between Rei and Usagi. Looks like a reference to the anime where both quarrel a lot and it feld refreshing.

- And I have to say, that the lovely voice of Kisara-Mako/Jupiter reminds me SO MUCH of my friend's voice @missemperor you gotta cover her, nobody would notice the difference lol.

- Okay, now Himeko sings a song of how Kakeru developed as a professor or something and it makes no sense because Himeko is just so unimportant. Oh, yes and I never liked her in the movie because she was such a fkn bitch to Luna? I mean, I don't like Luna either but stop bullying the cat, bitch.

- as I mentioned in my last post about KaguMyu - we do not have a real setting again :/ But they tried to compensate that with heavy projections even from thought bubbles. I'd liked it better if there had actually been a setting but okay, we live in the century of technology and not of proper requisites.

- I also wonder why Michiru always has such a cute voice in Nelke productions? Ever watched the anime? She has a normal adult voice which sounds very elegant but not cute. But besides being a side character, Ayana plays a decent Neptune/Michiru.

- The rest of the musical is basically Luna and Kakeru doing stuff? But it feels like nothing happens T_T. Btw. the actress of Kakeru reminds me STRONGLY of a Zuka actress too. Apropos Takarazuka: Riku Sorahana is a cool Mamoru. Maybe a bit too cool for Mamoru but I like her.

- Another thing I noticed: The birthday scene, in the beginning, was just to show that this musical actually has the Senshi in it. Because after that scene... they are gone. There is that one scene with Usagi and Luna à la how does a kiss taste and then Chibiusa sings (very badly, omg. Why not casting a child that can sing?) a very annoying song, of how Luna is in love.

Overall:

- It was so boring. Literally, nothing happened. It felt like wasted time and yes, I know that the story is mainly about Luna but....geez no. I had a bit of hope that this musical might be better than the last ones but I have to say out of the new musicals - NogiMyu stays the best.

- Those songs were really not good and not memorable at all. They feel like the typical mass-production these days. Maybe BaniMyu was so good because back then it was a rare thing for anime/manga to turn into stage plays? I mean, today almost every anime/manga which is a bit popular gets a musical. Plus BaniMyu had Akiko Kosaka for the songs (and Queen Ado for the choreo <3).

- Funny thing: Usually in the new musicals it is that the first act is rather good or at least ok while the second one is boring af - but in this case, I doubt that this can get even more boring - maybe act 2 will be good then? Ewwww, we'll see but I do not have big hopes, tbh.

- If I had to rate it with points while 10 points would be super good and 0 points super bad, I'd give it so far 2 points. (LR, PE and UNV would even get 3 to 4 points, wtf it's really so bad xD. Okay, no they'd get at least 3 but still xD).

Today I'll watch the second act but I doubt it will get any better... :(

BANDAI! GET SERA MYU BACK AND DO GOOD STUFF AGAIN!

#sailor moon #sailor moon musical #sailor moon 2021 #kaguya hime's beloved #kaguya hime no koibito #kagumyu #sera myu #reaction

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omoi-no-hoka · 5 years

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Hello! I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but how do you become proficient at handling conversations in Japanese/handling grammar very well? I read your post on the JLPT, and it addressed issues I have been tip toe-ing around--indeed, passive actions such as listening or reading are easier than the active ones. How did you go about that? Did you write a bunch of sentences daily? Did you have a conversation partner? What would you rec. to someone who lives outside Japan? Thank you!

This is an excellent question, and one that I get asked a lot irl by Japanese people in particular. Let’s talk about gaining fluency and the ways we can go about it!

How to Gain Fluency in Japanese (and Other Languages)

Speaking Fluency versus Accuracy

Language proficiency is divided into two separate categories:

Fluency: Although there are no widely agreed-upon definitions or measures of language fluency, someone is typically said to be fluent if their use of the language appears fluid, or natural, coherent, and easy as opposed to slow, halting use. In other words, fluency is often described as the ability to produce language on demand and be understood.

Accuracy: Correctness of language use, especially grammatical correctness and word choice.

By the above definitions, a “fluent” speaker may make grammatical mistakes, but they can speak without having to stop and think too much about conjugations, word choice, etc.

An “accurate” speaker can speak with nearly zero grammatical/word choice mistakes. However, the speed of their utterances isn’t generally taken into account, so it could take an “accurate” person twice as long to articulate the same idea as a “fluent” person.

Ideally, you need to strike a good balance between these two qualities when speaking. I have a boss, God bless him, who is 100% fluency and 0% accuracy and…man is it hard to understand what he’s saying sometimes, but he can generally get his point across just barely. I have another coworker who is 100% accuracy and takes about 3 minutes to form a sentence because he wants it to be perfect.

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Accuracy

First, let’s talk about the easiest thing to improve, which is accuracy. It’s also (in my opinion) the least fun thing to improve, because it means grammar books and vocabulary memorization.

You can only use a language accurately if you know what is correct and what is incorrect, and you can only learn that by studying grammar and vocabulary (or if you’re a native speaker and picked it up innately, you lucky bastard).

So here’s some things you can do to increase your accuracy:

For example, if you’re having a hard time using the passive, you need to review that part of your textbook and find some exercises to drill it into your head.

Say the correct thing aloud. Lots. Sometimes I just walk around my apartment and narrate everything I see/do like a crazy person, but that’s good practice.

Write example sentences using the grammar you’re struggling with and say them aloud too.

There’s a bunch of cool apps that connect you with native speakers that can help correct you too! I used to use HelloTalk, I think.

If you’re a creative soul, when I was studying for the JLPT, I took 1 grammar point and 5 vocabulary words from my JLPT study books and used them to write a 2-page short story about the adventures of ネギ, a stray black cat that smelled like green onions because she napped in an onion field. Then I had a Japanese friend check it over for me and mark mistakes. I hand-wrote them to improve my abysmal handwriting at the same time. It was really fun! I sometimes think about doing it again just for funsies.

When someone corrects you, don’t feel like your entire life is over and you’re a failure and you’ll never get it right haha. I’ve seen people fall into that hopeless mindset, and that’s just nonsense. It’s a good opportunity for learning and nothing more! Say the correct thing you’ve just been taught out loud, then write it down if you can. And, if possible, find a chance to use it in conversation asap.

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Fluency

Now this is the hard one. Especially for those learners who do not have native speakers nearby.

I’m going to be dead honest with you. I started formally studying Japanese at uni, and I had a Japanese roommate/best friend since year one. I had a 4.0 GPA in my Japanese classes (and only my Japanese classes lol) because I was and still am a MEGA NERD about it.

...But it wasn’t until I studied abroad in Japan my 4th year of uni that I gained fluency.

There are a lot of things that can hold us back from fluency. An interesting thing I’ve noted is that Foreign Language is perhaps the only subject in which a student’s personality can directly affect their progress. To gain fluency, you have to go forth and speak, but if you are naturally a shy person, that is going to hinder you. If you are the kind of person who takes mistakes/failures poorly, you will be less likely to take risks and try to say harder sentences. In contrast, you can get full marks in math regardless of the above personality traits.

I’m not saying that you have to be an outgoing explosion of a human being in order to gain fluency. But what I am saying is that you have to be willing to seek out conversations, and you have to be willing to take chances. Get out of your comfort zone. Use that new word you picked up the other day. Try to explain something that is difficult for you.

My problem was that, while I lived with a native speaker who would have happily taught me anything I asked, her English proficiency was much higher than my Japanese proficiency. And when I struggled to say something in Japanese, I’d fall back onto English. And when she told me something I didn’t understand in Japanese, she’d repeat it in English instead of Japanese, because that was easier for us both. The same thing happened when I was in Japanese class as well. I always had the assurance that I could fall back on English.

But when I elected to study abroad in Japan for 3 months, I knew that this was my big chance. So on the host family form in the “other requests” area, I wrote that I specifically wanted a host family that could not speak English. I was setting fire to my crutches, and I was scared but excited to see them burn.

By the end of my three months in Japan, I had gone from “Chotto matte kudasai” and needing a minute to form my reply, to “Okay, yeah I see that movie too and I liked the action scenes, but I didn’t care for the story little.” (I’ve underlined mistakes that I would have made in Japanese, to show you that I sacrificed some accuracy to obtain higher fluency.)

So, in short, the easiest and quickest way to increase your spoken fluency is to throw away all the crutches you can and use the language as much as possible. Every single day. Even if you’re just having an imaginary conversation with yourself! And like I said, there are a bunch of cool apps that connect you with Japanese people who want to learn English and you can do language exchanges with them. I had a lot of fun with those in the past.

As for increasing writing fluency...well. That’s a tough question with Japanese, because I can type Japanese at like 100 wpm, but my Japanese handwriting fluency is at a 10/100. I can read and type at the level of a native Japanese high school student, but I can only write the kanji that 7 year old can write. That’s no exaggeration.

The big reason for that dichotomy is that my work is paper-free. 100% of my work is done on screen, so about the only time I have to write out something is when I’m filling out a form, which includes my name (katakana), address, and maybe occupation.

If you want to increase your Japanese handwriting speed, just keep on writing. Write those little short stories about ネギ like I did, or find some writing prompts (I just started a side-blog with writing prompts yesterday btw) or keep a little diary. Make opportunities to write.

How to Have Nice Handwriting in Japanese

Okay, full disclaimer: I am the absolute LAST person qualified to talk about this, because I have awful handwriting in Japanese.

Unless you have prior experience with a different language that uses kanji, or you lack the keen eye of an artist, you will likely struggle to develop neat handwriting.

Personally, I really like using this app called Japanese Kanji Sensei. It’s on Android (not sure about iOS), and if you pay just a few bucks you can make your own kanji sets and stuff. Anyways, it will show you how to write the characters prettily. It gives you a good frame of reference for what nice, pencil/pen-written characters (versus calligraphy characters). It has hiragana and katakana on it too!

I get a stylus and write out the characters on this app for the muscle memory, so my hands remember the sensation of writing a certain character. (The muscle memory is different if you only use your fingertip.) This muscle memory and repetition is how Japanese people learn how to internalize kanji as well. I really enjoy and recommend this app. I’m sure that there are others out there like it too.

Summary

TL;DR: Review your textbooks, take risks, use every resource available or make your own, and just have fun with it! 💗

#Anonymous #ask me anything #Asks are open #study japanese #learn japanese #japanese language #nihongo #japanese fluency #second language acquisition #jlpt #studyblr #langblr #japanese langblr #japanese resources #kanji #study kanji #learn kanji

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meerschweinchen-archive · 3 years

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Ok i have a question how do u feel about/what did u get from that poem that goes like you put on a coyote. Im gettin into poetry but this one kinda lost me along the way im not sure what it evokes in people? :^]

disclaimer disclaimer im not actually well read in prose I just read things and feel normal but im gonna offer you my own reading of it as well as that of a friends and youll see theyre quite differen (one more disclaimer that I don’t actually know from what emotion the poet originally wrote so this is some heavy projection)

to me the poem kind of ties into both ‘I want to tell you yes’ by kallie falandays and this quote by tom stoppard in ‘the invention of love’

to me all these share in common the helpless feeling of being in love and yet at a loss of what to /do/ in love. I love you if you put on a coyote im going to put on all the coyotes! I love you I want to cut your sorrows out I want to give you your history back! I love you I want to perform valiant deeds I want to run your errands… @saa-na once put it a lot more beautifully than I could when she tagged this picture with ‘sometimes when you're in love you feel like you're [a] bird unfastening your lover's laces. not to be degraded or anything but because you're a small bird who is in love and wants to do everything.’

and not to give you more things to read but its also a little bit like ‘what the dragon said – a love story’ by cat valente just. the enormity of it all! you put on the stars and even what is between them you put on the moon you put on the earth how it cracks – I could be big for them I could hold them all my belly could be a city where everyone was so loved they wouldn’t need jobs. I could eat them and feed them and eat them and feed them…. basically its about want and servitude and the want for servitude and about love like a hole like a mirror image because im nothing but consistent.

@rotmance took the title a little bit more to heart and read it as a variation of selfhood, the skins of it the matryoshka doll of personhood...’like I am reminded of my real-ness even in the layers and hiding of me’…

here is what the author herself said about it btw:

'I love anaphora. I also love thinking about the fluidity vs. fixedness of “you” in poems and the tradition of the first-person/you relationship. I wanted to start with a sort of deadpan premise “you put on some new pants” and twist a surreal logic towards an earnestness and depth of feeling. You know how people like to give young poets “rules” for writing? I was once told that the moon and the stars (and etc etc) don’t belong in contemporary poems anymore—they are cliché, they are over. I was like, “Who is this person?” Have you seen how amazing the moon and the stars are!'

so yeah! take all this as you will

#please everybody do feel free to come and feel normal about words with me some more <33

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captain-aralias · 3 years

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Life stuff

this feels kind of weird, because i’ve never used my tumblr like this, but i would have written something on my livejournal, and i want people to know - i just dont want to have to tell people about it, or really talk about it at all.

but i also wanted to write this, idk.

(TW: impending death of a parent)

my mum has cancer.

it’s a rare form of cancer, called peritoneal cancer, which is similar to but different from ovarian cancer - i think it mostly gets diagnosed (like my mum’s) when it’s too late to do anything about it. all the treatment has been palliative only i.e. letting her live as long and as comfortably as possible.

she was diagnosed in september last year - about a year ago, a few months after running the ‘virtual’ london marathon on the isle of wight, where she lives, and obviously deep in lockdown.

as someone undergoing chemo, she was deemed extremely vulnerable to covid, and so she spent most of the early pandemic isolating. she also said she didn’t see any point in my brother and i visitng her, particularly given the risks, because we could talk via facetime - which is fair enough - all of which meant my brother and i didn’t go to visit her until May this year, after she’d done the first lot of chemo and was already doing much better again.

a few months after that, we found out that while she’d responded really well to the chemo, her cancer wasn’t responding at all to the maintenance drugs that were suposed to stop it coming back, so she came off the drugs completely. medical advice was basically chemo is as effective whenever you do it, so you might as well enjoy your life for a while, we’ll monitor it every month, and when things start to get too bad, we’ll put you back in chemo.

it’s friday tomorrow - so two fridays ago, i saw my mum in london after she’d just seen hamilton with her partner, graham. both of them loved hamilton. her hair had grown back, she seemed pretty normal. about a week later, she was in A&E - and she’s been in the hospital all week. she’s got a total bowel obstruction, which means she can’t eat and hasn’t eaten since last week.

now in a weird situation where there are a few tricky, difficult options (including being moved off the island back onto the mainland to a bigger hospital) that will mean that she stays alive long enough to get the chemo, which will probably get her back to hamilton-watching strength, or ... she could die really soon. like, in a few days.

we can’t visit. her partner can’t visit because covid - there’s this really sad-making photo of him looking happy on the phone through a window to my mum, also on the phone, inside the hospital.

i feel...

???? :( :( :( ....

i guess this is the main point of the post. i’m not writing this crying, i’m writing it pretty neutrally - because my brain isn’t really processing it right now, and mostly doesn’t process it.

i did cry earlier today while on the phone to various people, and then i went back to work. i hate crying, i hate being sad, and i dont like people comforting me, because it makes me realise that i have something to be sad about.

i’ve known she had cancer for a year. i haven’t been able to hang out with her most of that time. i would say, we are fairly close, although not nearly as close as some families. we don’t talk every week, but we talk regularly, and have seen each other regularly.

i’m so incredibly privileged that nothing that bad has ever happened to me, even though i’m 35. i’ve never been to a funeral, which seemed like a major life win and now i think was a mistake, i should have gone to funerals for people i card about less to help get used to it.

the literal only comparison i have to how i feel is when my cat Anton died suddenly about 3 years ago - i handled it with a mix of not thinking about it, being intensely sad for as brief a period as i could, and probably by thinking about how sad my girlfriend was about it, and sort of sidestepping my own feelings in comparison.

i remember when my last remaining grandparent died - and i was about 14 or something - i wasn’t sad for myself, i was only sad for her my dad being sad. for ages, i worried that i was not going to be sad enough about this - and i still sort of am.

but i also passionately hate the idea of being sad and i know i’ll look to avoid it as much as possible, and try and get on with my life.

i know my mum dying isn’t about me - when people write after death it’s about the person who died, obviously. that makes sense. but this post isn’t about my mum, who is a very cool person, much cooler than me - it’s about me. because i am self-obsessed and this is going to wreck my life for a while.

it’s weird, because i can see it on the horizon but it’s not happening yet. and i dont know whether that’s good or bad - i feel like it’s good, in a way. someone ages ago told me that the grieving period starts when you get the news. that seems very true to me - but also, i know that it’s going to ramp up, and so i’m like in the expectation of true grief right now.

it’s sort of like she died, but also is still going to die, but also i can magically still talk to her. which is really nice, in a way, it’s like a second chance, because i know i didn’t reach out enough before she had cancer. and i’m aware enough of my own actions that i know this is what’s been going on in my head the past year - i should reach out more, because she has cancer, but i dont want to make it seem like i’m reaching out because she has cancer, even though she knows i know she has cancer....... and also, i’m busy writing this fic. /o\

the fact that she seemed to recover (even though my mum insisted on saying ‘i am not recovered, i’m going to die soon’ like several time as a day as a disclaimer) also totally messed with my head, because i knew logically - ok, it’s happening. but also, things seemed so normal when we speak. even when i called her today, and she hasn’t eaten for a week, it seemed normal.

btw - i realised this week i had no idea how cancer killed people. my mum is a scientist and has looked up all kinds of things about what’s killing her; i’m clearly a simon snow and didn’t want to think about things i can’t help. if you’d asked me, i’d have said like... it poisons you or something, or blocks bloodflow to your brain. not what i think will actually do it which is.... starvation. or being too weak to survive being pumped full of the poison that is intended to kill the cancer. (that one i guess i could have predicted.) man - cancer sucks. i mean, we all knew it.

(i failed to get into cambridge university at interview stage, many years ago. the man who interviewed me gave me some extremely memorable feedback, which is that i needed to dial back the ‘defensive irony’ - which i thnk in that context meant i put myself down and tried to make a joke of everything. i remember when i got the phonecall to say Anton, my cat, was dead, i literally did not know what to do with my voice - because my instinct was to try and make the vet feel better, and also to present myself as bright and capable, and yet this unexpected and devasting news had just come through. rainbow wrote something sort of similar because she’s a good writer, for shepard as he tells penny about his curse. i feel like that.)

what else did i want to say?

i thought i had more time. ‘hamilton’ will probably always be tied to this moment in my mind, because of how much i’ve spoken to my mum about it in the past few weeks (i sent her the remix - she liked it, she listened to it in hospital while trying to drink more than 100ml of fluids) but yeah - this is basically a line from hamilton here. whatever. don’t make me feel my own feelings, let me just quote things. i dont like my own feelings. (no, i dont want to go to therapy - they’d make me talk about my feelings all the time, i’m british for god’s sake.)

i’m 35 - my mum is 68. i didn’t think she’d die this early or that i’d have to deal with this yet. but then i also don’t think bad things are ever going to happen to me - because mostly they haven’t, see above. i wear a mask and am double vaccinated because i’m not an asshole, but i dont really believe i’ll get covid because bad things don’t happen to me. i didn’t think my mum would die - maybe ever, but definitely not yet. she’s been retired a decade after teaching (science) and has enjoyed it.

i thought i had time to not have kids yet - which is the other thing (like hamilton) that this moment is really tied up with for me. i feel like 35 is getting quite old, but also not that old to still not have kids, but intend to maybe have them. my feelings about kids were basically like - up until like 25, i thought, yes, definitely. i mean, before i had a realtiosnhip (22-ish), i just assumed i would probably have a het marriage and have kids etc, like people do, but after that we were still talking, yes, children at some point.

didn’t prioritise it for a few reasons - none of my close friends had children until quite recently, so it just didn’t seem like an urgent thing in the way that it probably does for people with different friendship groups. waiting to be settled enough in a job to be able to take maternity leave without it feeling like a rip off for my employer. waiting for a good time in erin’s PhD writing cycle. and then pandemic. and then a few years ago, maybe as i turned 30, i thought - maybe we won’ have kids, because we still haven’t - and i vocalised that to erin.

also, i know a lot of people are gay and have children, so it’s not like it’s a thing that is impossible at all, but it’s much much harder if you have to leave your home and your relationship in order to get a child. it has to be a very very conscious decisions. i have friend who are men who have good genes, but we’re not so close i want to ask them for their sperm/to be involved however remotely in making a child - and (i was surprised to discover) (what a lot of things i dont know anything about) you an’t really just buy sperm, it’s not truly legal except through a clinic. and it’s extremely expensive to get inseminated in a clinic, and the NHS don’t really do that, so you do have to pay it. i thought kids would be expensive after they were born, but not before. and i REALLY wanted a house, much much more than - i think even today - i’ve ever wanted a child. i REALLY wanted a house - and now we have a house, and it’s pretty good. but - that’s where the money went, until the pandemic - thanks pandemic - so now we do have some disposable cash at last, because i didn’t commute.

but now erin is worried about climate change - and wheher it’s right to bring more children into the world, and other things. and.... i think i do want to be pregnant, it’s what i’m planning for - don’t leave this job (which admittedly i also really like, and pays me well - i dont thin i need to leave) because next stop maternity leave, but.....

i don’t know whether i am thinking, time ot have kids because my best friend just had a baby (the baby’s name is horatio - for real, i actually love this name) (i also haven’t seen her or the baby except over skype, because anna - my friend - is, like my mother, also scared of pandemic) and my brain is like - ok, well, if anna is doing it, i guess the time is here

AND - i know there’s a large part of me that was like, gotta be pregnant and ideally have the baby before my mum dies so she gets to see that she had a grandchild. my brother and i are both queer, btw, in case you were wondering - he’s considering whether he wants to transition right now (but is still happy with he/him pronouns) and - you may find this astonishing, but i genuinely don’t know whether he’d consider himself ace, or has been in relationships. he’s very private, he has OCD and is in therapy - but anyway, he’s probably not having kids anytime soon (i think!) and graham - my mum’s boyfriend/partner of 10+ years. -has grandchildren, but my extremely middleclass white (but definitely not conservative voters, always 100% not-tory) parents ended up with me and my brother.... and i don’t know, as i say, i don’t know whether my brain is saying ‘have kids before it’s too late’ - although i know by now that it will be too late. even if my mum recovers from this, this time, i don’t think i can produce a child before she dies - and she isn’t asking me too, she’s not like that, but i would have liked her to be there. i thought she would be.

so - i’m thinking about that. also, about getting a dog. i really want a dog - although i don’t want to upset the three cats (one we’ve had for eight years or so, the other two we got after Anton died). it’s ALSO really hard and expensive to get a dog. you’d think with all these ‘a dog isn’t just for the pandemic, a dog is for life’ type adverts around, that it would be easy to adcidentally get a dog - i’ve looked! you ccan’t get a dog unless you have no cats and you’re super experienced and can take a dog with lots of trauma or medical problems, or you’re willing to pay thousands of pounds. like - even for a regular not even pedigree dog - at least a thousand. pedigree dog - several thousand. i dont want a puppy either - i want a dog.

and - this is embarrassing to admit, but i’ve alrady told erin - i genuinely had a phase of being super annoyed when i’d read fics where someone just ‘got a dog’. it’s not that simple!!! it’s fiction, it doesn’t matter - chill out. the baby thing too - although weirdly not fics where magic meant it was possible to get a baby, weirdly it was smut. i had a brief week or so of crazy (and i don’t think i am that crazy) where i’d read about fictional semen and just be like - wtf, it’s so hard to get hold of that shit. (it’s not real, this isn’t real semen being wasted, calm down - and i dont even really know if i want kids, i might just think i do.)

the other thing about the bad thing being soon but not yet (but also being all the time, but not if you dnt think about it) is that i’m thinking - should i prioritise writing my remix now, in case my mum dies and i’m too sad to do it, and then i didn’t do my remix? i was definitely thinking this while writing classroom politics (i hope my mum doesn’t die becaue i dont want to be too sad to miss the deadline) and in the run up to AWTWB .....

today i wrote a list of things for work that would need to be picked up if i have to unexpectedly stop working, either because i’m too sad, or because i have to do funeral stuff, or .... i guess legal stuff about settling the estate. (i guess this happens to a lot of people, too, but it’s also a bit of a mindfuck that my brother and i will inherit her house and a bunch of cash when she dies - i’m pretty well off, my brotehr does virtual reality theatre stuff so really isn’t - we’ve talked about how much easier both of our lives will be with a huge injection of cash, and how we dont know what to feel about that) (great news, dogs and kids are really expensive! time to find out whether i really wanted to spend my money on those.) told people i like at work that it’s coming, and that i dont want to talk about it. and mostly just... carrying on with life, really. until it happens.

it’s so weird how easy it is to carry on most of the time.i know my mum’s partner is not doing nearly so well - he has to cope with an empty house and he’s retired. i’ve had periods - including right now - where i wake up every morning and check my phone to see whehter someone called me or texted me to tell me it’s over. but most of the day i’m actually really fine. i even had an ok day today. and i don’t know whether i want that to be the case, or whether i shouldn’t let myself do that. i dont know what i should prepare for in terms of where i’ll be - will i want lots of stuff to distract me (this is my guess) and work is very good for that, or i will want to clear time and space because i can’t operate and dont want people to offer me comfort. (FYI - this post isn’t written to make people say anything to me, i definitely dont want to talk about it, so please don’t feel you either have to comment or check in on me - i don’t really want you to. it’s enough to have written it, in my own time, in my own space.)

i think i wanted to write this post in a way because i thought i probably wouldnt want to write it after my mum died - because i probably wouldn’t want to say anything about it at all, for a few years.

my mum keeps telling me about the show ‘jane the virgin’ - which she’s half way through. shhe asked me to give it a try, so i did (she often tells me about shows on radio 4, which i rarely listen to. i thouht i had more time.) i’ve watched an episode (because she has cancer, i should listen to her recommendations)(but i dont want her to know that’s why i did it) and i do quite like - it’s light and frothy and well cut together (although about kids and artificial insemination, of course). i guess in a worse case scenario where i’m too sad to work or write, i will probably watch a lot of this show - which is incredibly not sad - and feel sad about how my mum never finished it.

BUT ALSO SHE MIGHT BE OK. for a while.

i dont know how i feel, blargh. anyway. this was a long post. i think i wrote it mostly for me. feelings are weird. covid really sucks and so does cancer.

going to order some chicken and watch inuyasha.

#my content #tw: death #tw: death of a parent #tw: death of a loved one #personal #tw: cancer

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likeavisionfromgod · 4 years

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What does it feel like?

Ok, so this post is maybe a little niche, but I always wonder this about other people so I wanted to share my own pov for things you usually don't hear about! Basically, I love hearing about what people experience, but then I go to write it and I'm like, oh fuck. I know whats happening from the outside, but how the person experiencing it describe the situation???

Shit out of luck, then, aren't you?

Cue me asking my sister what it feels like to have a friend die and hoping they don't look at me askance. "You've never experienced grief?"

Yeah, but probably not the way you do.

Anyway, unless it's something people decide to write/talk about, you don't really know, and some things are more commonly described than others, so I'll share my own!

Stims

Ok, so I stim a shit ton. A stim, btw, is a repetitive motion used for self regulation, often seen in autism and ADHD. Like constantly stimming, and I'm also constantly being told/put in situations where I cannot. For example, one of my favorite stims is pacing back and forth, but if the cat's on your lap, it's really unachievable. So what does it feel like to suppress a stim?

It feels like there's this tenseness building up in my muscles, and also in my brain. If I'm thinking about something that is causing a strong emotional reaction, my brain will be overwhelmed by the emotions that I'm feeling. When I finally get to stim, it's like someone released the pressure from a pressure cooker and all the steam disappears and leaves things a lot clearer and simpler. Stimming doesn't calm me down, but it makes everything more organized in my head, in a way. Personally, I prefer certain stims for certain situations, but I can release some of the pressure by doing a different stim, even if I can't release all of it. If I'm substituting, I'll usually try to do the 'right' stim later to get rid of that last bit of steam I couldn't get rid of earlier.

Shut down

This is also autism related. Lol, I'm doing my best to bring an interesting experience though.

Anyway, a shut down is when you're brain decides, enough is enough boys, shut it off, let's get out of here. Disclaimer: everyone experiences these things a little differently. I don't often melt down - though I have, pretty sure - but I've shut down a few times I can remember, and it usually feels like I'm really empty. If someone was to ask me what I was feeling then (and I was able to respond) I'd probably say nothing. My brain stops doing the whole 'understanding my emotions' thing when I shut down, so I literally just. Don't. Feel. It also feels like someone's wrapped a hand around my throat when I think about speaking. It gets really hard to push words out past this outside force that's keeping them in, but also my brain is off so there's not really anything I would want to say anyway.

I've been taught to mask really well, so if I need to, I can push past the block, but my ability to have a conversation is restricted to following well known scripts. Seriously, the brain has shut off. The best thing for me in that situation is to get in a dark room on my own, turn on a song on repeat, and do something completely mindless like playing cards over and over.

Using a script

A script is a well put together understanding of the rules of conversation. Generally, using a script is a little annoying when I do it consciously, and just tiring if I'm doing it subconsciously. Essentially, a specific script may be like "if you need to contact a co-worker, you need to have a greeting and ask them about how they are/their weekend. They ask you and you say it was good and provide one line about something you did in case they want to make small talk. Once the small talk is over, make your request. Once the work conversation is over, make a sentence that is friendly and not work related to show you appreciate their company, not just what they do for you." That's my very specific script.

Sometimes, it's more vague, like "in a three person conversation, you can make one or two sentences about a topic if there is a break in conversation of half a second or more before someone else needs to be given a chance to speak. Do not stray off topic. Do not tell fun facts. Do lean in towards the person talking and make eye contact and nod at appropriate intervals."

Using a script doesn't feel inauthentic, because it lets me convey the things I want but in a way that makes sense to others, but it is exhausting because even when I do it subconsciously, it takes energy to gage when I'm allowed to speak and when a certain topic is over. Sometimes I make mistakes, and I feel very uncomfortable because a lot of these rules are pretty deeply ingrained. When I'm using a very specific script, it can be annoying because I don't want to go through trivialities, but I know that not going through them leads to a more terse environment, so it's necessary. In general, I don't notice anymore when I use a general script, which makes needing to go against it a lot harder. A specific script is more appropriate to very specific, but necessary situations, whereas a general script should be used for more social situations.

#writing advice #writing #writeblr #autism #writing autism #actuallyautistic #stims #shut downs #scripts

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leiasfanaccount648 · 4 years

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The 3 Times Kenma Didn’t Get What You Wanted for Your Bday & the 1 Time He Did

(Kenma Kozume x Fem!Reader)

Summary: Like all friends, they remember what is most important to them, especially one another’s birthdays. However, Kenma seems to be struggling with finding you that perfect present year after year.

A/N: This is for the absolutely lovely @briswriting!!! I’m so happy to call you my friend, that you got me into Animal Crossing, and I hope you have an amazing bday today <3 :)

Warnings/Contains: Fluff, birthdays, the tiniest amount of angst. Disclaimer, I did some research on the video games I mentioned in this but none of the release dates match up lol.

Word Count: 2033

Elementary School; 5th year

“Happy Birthday, (Y/N)!”

“Wait, what?”

Kenma looked up from his GameBoy as he heard people talking by the door of the classroom. He saw one of his neighbors that he had bet through Kuroo talking to some of her friends and receiving some gifts and snacks from them.

Kenma looked at the desk in front of him and saw a few more trinkets and such from people in other classes. They may not have known each other for that long, but (Y/N) was the first friend of his that actually wanted to play video games rather than volleyball like Kuroo.

(Y/N) was nice, and had great taste in games; he would gladly call her his friend. So what do friends of a couple months get one another for their birthdays?

“Good morning, Kenma!” (Y/N) brought him out from his thoughts as she walked over and sat down at her desk, facing him with a bright smile. “What’re you playing?” She peered over his desk to try and catch a glimpse at what game was on the screen.

“I, um,” Kenma glanced down at his GameBoy as Pokemon: Red and Blue was still playing. He didn’t get to answer as (Y/N) already saw the screen with a gasp.

“Are you about to play the battle against Professor Oak?”

Kenma couldn’t explain it, but he felt his heart jump at her knowledge of the game. He knew that she played it, but he thought that she had just gotten it a couple weeks ago. “Yeah, I am.” He smiled shyly and quickly paused the game so he could talk to her properly. “Happy birthday, by the way. I’m sorry, but I didn’t get you anything.”

(Y/N) shook her head, waving her hands in front of her as well. “No, no! It’s totally fine! Trust me, you didn’t have to get me anything.” She smiled, moving her hair out of her face shyly. “Honestly what I keep getting from my friends gets to be too much of a hassle.”

Kenma smiled a little, finding her reasoning quite amusing; however he could tell during lunch she definitely enjoyed eating the cookies that someone had made her. He tried to think of something he could do for her, but he trusted her word to not worry too much. Besides, there was always next year.

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Middle School; 3rd year

It was late, almost too late to Kenma’s liking as he had just finished volleyball practice and wanted to do nothing than go home and finally get some rest before the weekend started tomorrow. However, he had one last thing to do.

Kenma had been hearing (Y/N) raving about the game for weeks, and he had managed to get it pre-ordered and delivered the day that it came out. Now he stood outside her apartment, hoping that she would like it.

He texted her to come to her door, and it was obvious that she was confused, but did so nonetheless. She smiled as she saw him, about to greet him, but he beat her to it, holding out a small, wrapped box for her to take.

“Happy birthday, (Y/N).”

“Oh my god, Kenma you didn’t!” (Y/N) grinned wide as she noticed the shape of the wrapped box her friend had handed her. She opened it without hesitation, expecting to see Pokemon X and Y, but instead saw Animal Crossing: New Leaf. She felt touched that he remembered how much she wanted that game, but still looked up at Kenma with sorrow.

“Kenma, I am so sorry,” she laughed nervously, starting to feel guilty. “But my parents got me the game already along with a new 3DS.” (Y/N) knew that there was no way that he could have known, but she felt guilty nonetheless over the fact that Kenma had spent his money to get her the game.

Kenma on the other hand felt nothing but embarrassment. He realized his mistake and that he should have asked her parents if she was going to be getting the game. “I’m sorry. I should have asked if there was more than just that game that you wanted.”

Like she did back in elementary school, she shook her head. “No, you’re fine, Kenma.” She laughed softly to try and lighten the mood, but she could still tell that Kenma felt awkward about getting her a game that she had been gifted not 3 hours ago. Then she smiled. “Wait! Now that you have the game, we can play it together!”

Kenma tilted his head a little, confused. “I thought it wasn’t a multiplayer game.”

“It’s not, but we can still keep up with one another’s progress and stuff. It’ll be like when we play Pokemon and see who can defeat the boss quicker!”

Although it wasn’t Kenma’s ideal choice of game style, he still kept the game and played with (Y/N) both online and while they hung out together. Soon enough, he became addicted and got a whole level ahead of (Y/N) despite their agreement to build their islands and such together.

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High School; 2nd Year

It was raining after school, and Kuroo had decided to cancel practice due to the weather scheduled to get worse throughout the evening. Kenma felt grateful for two reasons. One, he could go home and finish his homework early before playing some more Animal Crossing. Two, he could see (Y/N) before she had her club and give her the batch of his mom’s homemade brownies that he promised her a few days ago.

Kenma was on his way towards the room where he knew she would be at, however he didn’t expect her to be sitting outside the door. He saw her phone in hand along with her backpack leaning against her. Then he caught sight of her face and rushed over as soon as he saw the tears in her eyes. “(Y/N)?”

(Y/N) looked up at the sound of her name, instinctively reaching up to wipe below her eyes before putting on the best smile she could muster at the last second. “Kenma!” She chuckled and stood up quickly to straighten herself out. “What’re you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at practice?”

“Kuroo cancelled it due to the weather planning to get worse. So I decided to bring you the brownies since you said you wanted them for your birthday.” Kenma reached into his bag and pulled out a small container that contained the sweets. (Y/N) didn’t say another word, just stepping forward and bringing him into a hug.

Kenma froze as she did so, not sure how to react. “(Y-Y/N)?”

“Just,” she took a deep breath to keep from letting out any tears. “Let me have this, please?”

Kenma looked at her, wondering what it was that was causing her to be so upset, but he knew that she would tell him on her own time. For now, all he did was hug her and he practically felt the tension and nerves in her body melt away, ignoring how his heart raced rapidly due to her being so close and for so long.

That year, Kenma was the only one who had remembered (Y/N)’s birthday.

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College; 1st year

It was a couple days before (Y/N)’s birthday and Kenma was stressing beyond belief. Ever since high school, Kuroo he had begun to realize that he had developed feelings for her and he never knew how to express them into words or actions.

He remembered the day that Kuroo pointed it out to him because they were playing an online game together and Kenma had managed to lose against both him and Bokuto. Needless to say it was obvious that something was bothering him and Kuroo needed to know (even if he already did).

Either way, he wanted to do what he thought would make her happy for her birthday. Some had been flops while others he felt like haven’t been the right gift, but he still did what he could.

This year however, he wanted to know exactly what she wanted.

The two of them were in the middle of playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons when Kenma thought he’d just ask via the game while they were fishing on his island.

‘btw, what do u want 4 ur bday?’

Since they were at different universities and couldn’t physically see each other, (Y/N) assumed that he would just craft/give her something in the game.

‘a cat to cuddle & love 4ever’

Kenma chuckled at her reply, smiling to himself as he typed out one himself, but (Y/N) added another response.

‘even though it’s not in the game XD’

Oh.

Kenma froze for a moment as he realized how (Y/N) interpreted his question. But he still got an answer and wasn’t going to take it for granted. He quickly got on his laptop and pulled up Amazon. Lucky for him, he found a cat plushie that he knew (Y/N) would like that would arrive the day before her birthday.

On the fateful day, Kenma headed to her dorm as he knew she was spending her birthday on a different day with her family and would most likely be cooped up side playing games (much like himself). Once he messaged her to come outside and was met with a ‘read’ text, he knew she was on her way down to greet him. When (Y/N) saw him with the stuffed cat in his arms, she ran over and hugged him tightly as she could.

Kenma almost lost his footing and fell, but he managed to stay standing and hug her back. “I know what you said you wanted a cat, but I didn’t want you to get kicked out of your dorm.”

(Y/N) laughed, shaking her head at his words before pulling away. She also took the cat plushie from him to get a better look at it before holding it in her arms. She smiled shyly at him. “Kenma, I was talking about you.”

“Wait, what?” Kenma’s eyes widened, repeating the words she said a couple days ago in his head. He felt his cheeks start to turn pink as (Y/N) spoke up again.

“All I wanted was to spend my birthday with you.” She glanced to the side, starting to feel flustered. “You’ve been my best friend for years and you’re so nice and considerate, not to mention cute,” she giggled, pausing briefly. “It’s practically impossible for anyone not to be around you and,” she met his gaze again. “I like you, Kenma.”

Kenma didn’t know when he did or what made him think it was a good idea, but he reached out with one hand and held the back of her head as he pulled her in for a kiss, which she gladly returned a second later. Once he pulled away, he smiled shyly as though silently apologizing for being so straightforward and sudden.

“Uh,” Kenma cleared his throat, letting go of her so she could have some space. “Would you like to go get some dinner?” It was obvious that he wasn’t sure what to say or do at the moment.”

(Y/N) simply shook her head, reaching for his hand and leading him into the building in which she stayed at. “I’d much rather spend my birthday eating takeout and playing video games with you. How does that sound?”

“But, it’s your birthday.” Kenma followed her to the elevator, still holding her hand.

“Exactly, so that means we’re going to do what I want.” (Y/N) giggled and kissed his cheek before stepping inside the elevator with him and pressing the button for her floor. “And I want to cuddle you while we eat and play Animal Crossing together.”

Kenma smiled, squeezing her hand to let her know his thoughts on her plans for the rest of the evening. “Sounds like a plan.” He was thankful that he decided to bring his Nintendo Switch with him.

“Oh, and that means that I want all of the turnips you bought yesterday, too.”

“Wait what?”

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