#dnd inspired

[oubliette-odette]

The Reluctance of Love Pt. 1

I don't like the fated mates trope. But I think it's because I don't personally like how people write/interpret it (no hate, just not for me. Also I'm asexual so...I'm built different or something. shrug). So this is me trying to write fated mates my way.

Orc Male x Half-Elf Male, Fated Mates, Forbidden Love, Slow Burn Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 Word Count: 2443 (average 18 min read) Content Warnings: mention of mating, nothing happens....yet ;) All orcish is from orcishdictionary.com, created by Matt Vancil. Not beta-read. Criticism is welcome, but be sure to distinguish criticism from hate.

My world shattered the day I saw him, my raebukan, my mate.

The pride of Orc tribes is centered on two things. The first being the pride of our warriors who defend and conquer in the tribe's name. The second, the pride of bearing and rearing many children together as a tribe through the groupings of mates. To ensure that all children be born strong, our bodies experience lordhovid - an intense physical pull that is described as a boiling in the blood that occurs upon seeing your mate. Lordhovid does not still until physical intimacy.

Most orcs experience lordhovid many times in their lifetime, gathering multiple partners that together rear large broods of children. The larger the brood, the greater pride the patriarch of the brood holds within the tribe and rises in rank of influence.

I, Drunrag Ularat, had never experienced lordhovid.

There had never been signs that I would ever feel the sensation of my blood burning for another. And while my brood brothers and sisters from my litter all began to bear children of their own, I remained. I remembered the way my broodmothers whispered to one another behind my back about me. I heard theories that I was unlucky, cursed, born dishonorably. My broodfather soon pretended that I didn't exist. My brothers and sisters did the same.

I tried to remain faithful that Gruumsh would change my fate, that I would lock eyes with a fierce orc-woman and feel the burn I heard so often about. But each looked back at me with only a coldness I had become too familiar with.

I left home, unable to bear the dishonor I continued to bring to my family. And I struggled through my young adult years earning my pay through hard manual labor. I learned to read and write in common to gain favor with those who hired me. I learned that my brute strength wasn't the only quality about me that could bring me honor. The older I got, the less I travelled, until I settled into a small merchant town on the coast, and worked in the forges during most of the year, crafting weapons and tools. The guilt and shame that I carried from my failure as an orc soon faded as the years passed and I settled into a rhythm that worked best for me in the quiet buzz of my coast town. I soon understood my true feelings from my childhood. I was relieved that I never had to juggle romance and physical intimacy. Even despite my lack of mate - I don't know that I ever really understood mating the same way as my tribe. It didn't make sense to me, and I didn't really want anything to do with it.

Until that fated day.

I had woke that morning with a pounding headache, and I remembered grumbling about it as I shuffled out of my room. The space was always cramped - due to my size - but it felt near claustrophobic that morning. I ran the back of my hand against my blurry eyes and blinked furiously as I peered into my food storage - only to find an onion as my offering for breakfast. I grumbled and reached for the snapsack I kept draped on my single chair and the pouch of coins that i shoved deep into the pockets of my breeches.

The morning was quiet, and the sea air was invigorating most mornings, but that morning, breathing it in only made me sneeze and the pounding in my head knocked harder against my skull. I groaned outwardly. As I walked down the cobblestone path towards the market circle, I felt a tightening sensation in the pit of my stomach with each step. Nausea overwhelmed me. Strange, since orcs have excellent constitution and I hadn't eaten a thing since the day before. I swallowed down the bile that built in my throat and forged ahead.

The market was always busy at any hour and I learned to know which vendors were more kind to me than others. It was still fairly common - and expected - to get strange lingering stares and off-kilter remarks made in my direction. I learned to ignore it, but today I already felt too unsettled to be able to shrug it off as easily as normal. I stopped by a bakery and exchanged my gold for a warm loaf of bread, then made my way down to where a stall was selling freshly picks fruits. Golden globes of fresh juicy fruit tempted me and I retrieved another set of coins before reaching for three shiny, firm globes into my sack.

As I deposited each one in one by one, I felt the tingle on the back of my neck that was someone was staring at me. With a fruit still in hand, I glanced to my right, ready to face a disgusted customer.

It was then that I looked up and met his gaze.

He was small. Maybe not by human standards, but I still considered most humans small - so he was also small to me. Willowy and thin, brown skin and long coppery curls, the ends teasing his skin around the base of his smooth, tantalizing neck. I spotted the soft pointy ears of a half-elf. Not quite as long and slender as an elf, but gently sloped up to a rounded point that poked through his mop of hair. Green-gold eyes - reminiscent of the fruit in my hand- met mine. They were large, curious eyes that looked back at me unflinching and kindly.

I couldn't look away. I didn't want to look away. He was beautiful. His lips were curled upwards naturally - like he always had a joke or funny story to tell. His lips parted as he gazed back at me, an open mouth smile just for me. There were no thoughts in my mind.

The burning began in my heart. A strong pulsing rush of boiling blood that started to spread and sear through every part of me. I stood there, unable to move and unable to look away from him. I felt so much joy, so much elation upon the sight of him, but it quickly was overrun with panic, confusion, and fear.

Never in the history of orcs had I heard of a male orc experiencing lordhovid with another male orc. It was common to have casual lovers of the same sex - but never mates. Mates were ones who promised children and the continued growth of your broods. I didn't understand - how could this man be my mate? I didn't want this. I was happy alone. Happy to be left alone. I gazed at him and the burning desire surged and bubbled until a loud, explosive breath escaped my lips. An exhalation of panic.

"Fuck." I breathed. I didn't want this.

"Sir, you alright?" The vendor asked me.

I grunted in response. I didn't break my gaze, everything in me was screaming inside me to take the half-elf and claim him here in the streets, in front of everyone. I hated that I even considered it. I didn't want that. My body and my brain remained at war, and I unable to move.

The half-elf's eyes narrowed. And he approached me slowly. The way he moved, the way his long legs and slender hips weaved through the crowd with ease, like water on glass. His eyes didn't leave me, and the walk towards me felt like it was a hundred miles between us. My breathing was growing ragged with each step. I was fighting everything not to run away...or run to him.

"I apologize if I have offended you." The half-elf said as he approached me. "I didn't mean to stare." His voice was gentle, smooth and rough at the same time. It reminded me of the sound of a harp, smooth and flowing out like song. I shuddered, my fists clenched. Closer up, I could see he had a spattering of freckles across his face, they were adorable and I wanted to spend the rest of my life counting how many existed on his body. I wanted to die for thinking of this stranger in front of me in such a base manner.

I blinked and swallowed heavily, my brain moving slower than normal. What could I do? What do I say?

The half-elf hesitated, reaching a hand out to me. I jerked back, fear and alarm and lust seizing me at once. He also jerked back. I saw that his hands were shaking. Was he afraid of me? I glanced up to his face again and saw that his eyes were wide and his lips were parting, he was breathing heavy.

He let out a heavy breath and whispered, "Can we go somewhere private? Something has come over me and I need your help."

Somewhere private.

Alarms bellowed in my brain. No. I can't be alone with him. I can't trust myself.

Before I could react, the half elf snatched my hand with both of his own. The warmth that radiated from his touch was cooler than the burning inside me and I felt my panic still. For how long I didn't know.

I let him drag me through the streets. My size didn't allow for a smooth walk, and I wasn't right in the head. I brushed and bumped against dozens of people. They likely glared at me, but I could only look at the back of my mate's head and wonder at how someone's hair could be so long and so curly at the same time and what it smelled like, what it would feel like against my cheek.

I found myself being pushed against a wall in a lonely street. I didn't know where I was. I looked down at the half-elf. His breathing was harder than before, and he stood very close to me. He only reached to my chest. My hands lingered close to his shoulders, eager to wrap around him. Around his waist. His neck.

"What did you to do me?" He said, an edge of desperation in his voice. "I don't know what I did to offend you...but please I beg you to remove whatever this curse is."

I may not be an honorable orc like my brothers and sisters, but hearing lordhovid be equated to a curse felt culturally offensive. It was true that I too didn't have any interest in these emotions, these urges. But it was the honor of an orc to experience this and feel the binding between one's self and their life-partner. And though I had grown to appreciate and become comfortable with my fate...I couldn't deny that there was a building excitement that I was finally feeling it with someone. The excitement also scared me too.

"Do you understand me?" He said pleadingly, and then he muttered to himself. "Damn, maybe he doesn't speak common."

"I understand." I managed to rasp out. My hands itched to hold him. I ignored it and wrestled through the rest of my words. "I - You are not cursed. What ails you also ails me."

"What is it?" He asked. "I'm feeling sensations that I am unfamiliar with."

"It is lordhovid. My people's mating instinct."

His eyes widened. "Why...why am I feeling it?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. This has never happened in our tribe. I am sorry."

"How do we stop it?" He asked. "Don't tell me I have to sleep with you?"

I looked away from his gaze, I couldn't bear to see him look at me with disgust. I felt a whimper escape my lips. It was too much to be so close to him and not hold him. I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want him to be scared of me.

"I'm sorry." I breathed out.

"You...have you experienced this before?" He asked. "You seem more scared then me."

I shook my head. "I am krandad. Broken. I brought shame to my family because I was unable to mate."

"I see." He said, his voice sounding very calm under the circumstances. "And so now you experience your first...impulse...with me?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

He sighed. "Please stop apologizing. I'm starting to understand that this isn't really your fault."

I dared a chance to look to him. His hands were caught running through his hair, and he was also looking down. He was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I don't know if the lordhovid would change that for me either. He was simply radiant.

"What's your name?" he asked. "If I am to sleep with you, I'd like to know who you are." He put a hand on his chest. "I am Altan."

"Drunrag." I said.

"Drunrag." Altan said, and a smile returned. My knees weakened when he said my name back. The orcish name on his tongue sounded like poetry, like art. Oh, if I could hear him say my name again and again and again.

"You...are not afraid of me?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I think I'm faring better than you right now actually." He laughed.

I had to close my eyes to his radiance, his laughter was too much and I clenched my fists.

"Sorry," He said. "I can tell that I'm affecting you."

"Not your fault." I breathed. "I should just go. I can't do this to you unwillingly."

"What?' He asked.

Before I could say any more. I surged all of my strength to rip myself away from the wall and I ran and I didn't look back. My body continued to burn, and I felt an aching inside me that stretched from my body and remained with Altan. It was trying to pull me back. But I would not go. With each moment I spent with him, it had only become harder to deny my body's instinct to mate with him. I didn't want to do that to him. He was too good

None of this made any sense. I couldn't experience lordhovid so late in my years. I couldn't experience it with another species and I certainly couldn't experience it with another man. I didn't even want to begin to process the anger I felt when I had finally made peace that I didn't even want to mate with anyone.

My broodmothers had been right all along. I was broken. I was flawed and I never would have brought honor to my tribe.

I didn't open the forge that day, but instead crawled back into bed where i remained shaking and shivering.

[prompts-by-anjali]

“You haven’t said a word to me since I joined your traveling party. Do you think I bite? I promise I don’t. Well, not that hard, anyway. Ha!”

“Good night.”

“Oh, snore. Are all our conversations going to be this one-sided? Alright, I’ll stop being so facetious. To be honest, you’re probably the only one in our little group I haven’t gotten a proper read on, which is a little unsettling to me as an assassin. Ahem, I mean, former assassin. But as a person, well. I, uh, happen to have a thing for the dark, mysterious, brooding types. So. You can perhaps imagine the conflicting emotions I’m experiencing at the moment.”

[silverliningsrr]

Character Focus: Derivan!

artist is zoanluen on Twitter!

Oh man, Derivan.

I mean, his character concept was kind of what started this whole thing, right? I like monsters - if the tags on some of my other posts haven't made it obvious - and 'living armor' pushes a lot of buttons for me. There's a lot in the idea of being othered that resonates with the queer experience, and Derivan embodies a lot of that in a lot of ways by being, uh, a suit of armor that's afraid to let other people know that he's a suit of armor?

(It turns out they knew all along. Not completely, but they figured something was up, considering he never took off his helmet. 0 of his friends were surprised when it was eventually revealed.)

Derivan spent most of his formative years in a dungeon (the video game equivalent of a dungeon, as in a 'challenging location', not someone's basement), so he's very fascinated by the world at large - which explains a lot of his connection to Vex, who loves explaining just about everything in too much detail. Unlike most people who talk to Vex, Derivan sits and listens to every word attentively.

What's sort of funny is that a lot of people assume he's ace? I do have an ace character, but that's Sev. Derivan is demisexual. I leave further thoughts on this as an exercise to the reader. (Or you can respond to this post with theories.)

Derivan represents an outside-context problem for the system in the world of Edge Cases. He's essentially an embodiment of an issue I often find in video games - that video games will often designate 'monster races' that are all enemies, despite several of them being very clearly sapient. He's meant to be commentary on that aspect of the reductiveness of video game logic, so to speak.

He's very formal and thoughtful, he uses the lights in his helmet to express most of his emotions, and is otherwise protective of his friends, who were the first people to accept him. Found family vibes baybeeeeee

For those not familiar, Derivan is from my book, The Fabric of Reality.

[operaghostnocturne]

Tiefling Christine Daae. She has soft pink skin in my head. Gold, white and red color scheme.

[elfsyellowflowerzart]

the group ^_^

[vulturequills]

Usually, if a unicorn’s home is destroyed, the unicorn will go out with it- either in an effort to defend it, or due to its deep connection to the life there.

Rarely, though, a unicorn will go through an unsettling transformation- becoming the manifestation of the force that destroyed its home.

[virovac]

A youtube conversation

@rustmonster9575 Plot hook: a rutting metallic dragon keeps shape-shifting into livestock and mates with many of the female barn animals in the country resulting in many scaled beasts that have breath weapons, resulting in a crisis (because how the hell are you gonna slaughter a cow that breathes fire/acid/cold) @Victor-056 Artificers and Archers: This is what we have trained for… @theshuman100 this is why you get the cows acustomed to the holding pen. once they get cozy living their whole lives thinking its for routine inspections and the big brush afterwards, thats when you hit it upside the head with the big hammer. @WhyrenGP you keep them. and send em over once you loose a war and have to pay livestock as tribute.

[jthepearlord]

The evolution of my ethereal mildly eldritch unicorn

I'm thinking of making the green tummy mildly transparent for the "beyond your comprehension" aesthetic

[pearlypairings]

Chrissy wakes again still in the woods: she feeds herself, meets a new friend sent to check on her, and finally spends some time alone with the mage she's been seeking for answers. And he's just as mesmerizing as the first time they met in the market place....

|| eddie x chrissy || fantasy-nobility au || ch 8 wc-3.9k

Read here....

[brrzoi]

A little sneak peek of my book, Call of the Midnight Sun as requested by the Portland polycule lolz

Some backstory on the setting, it's heavily inspired by Dungeons and Dragons, but not affiliated with them because they're super strict on copyright... hence me coming up with names for the races and such.

Chapter One

The soft notes of a lyre rippled through the morning mist, soothing the very wind herself. The lyrist, her calm, practiced fingers plucking the strings, was a full-figured Forest Elf. Her long, white hair was half pulled back, and her lilac optics were fixated on the delicate instrument. A small wrinkle of concentration dwelled between her brow.

"Wysteria." A raspy, yet soothing voice called. This eased her out of her trance.

"Tala!" Wysteria chirped. Talamina, a cave elf who was but a few inches taller than Wys, is her lover. The two had been together for about a decade at this point, which would be shorter than you'd expect from the elves' perspective, whose race typically lives well beyond a few centuries.

"We're heading out, my love." Tala grinned, placing her hand on the small of Wys' back as the pale elf stood.

The lackluster shell of a temporary camp, nestled comfortably beside an ever-scintillating river, was home to a sizeable party of seven for a day and a half. However cozy the camp was, it was time to move on.

Frojyen, a wise old halfling monk, performed a quick head count.

Wysteria and Talamina, the two elves,

Valthen, a bubbly Drax, who was Wysteria's adoptive sister,

Mog, a woman born into Orc royalty,

Esvin, a spindly human boy who incidentally found himself a 'folk hero' of sorts from sheer unluckiness,

and finally Chickadee, a fairy who was Esvin's childhood friend.

Along with them was a trio of stray dogs who followed wherever the group wandered, whose names were whatever one came up with when feeding scraps to the poorly mutts. Two mules and Wys' trusty white horse completed the group.

Speaking of, Wys approached the horse with grace, hands outstretched. "Willowisp." She mewled kindly as the pale horse sputtered, leaning her gigantic head into her beloved owner's shoulder.

Willowisp was some kind of cob, not entirely fullblood but not entirely a mutt. Nonetheless, the white horse was beloved by everyone in the party, even grumpy old Frojyen.

"She's reliable." He'd say simply, though the sparkle in his eye was undeniable.

The mules, Abner and Matilda, were more there to carry extra things, the occasional foal coming in handy to sell when money was tight. With the mules packed, the party set on their way.

End chap. 1

Some things I feel I need to clarify!

- Yes, in reality mules are typically sterile/infertile, however in my book they can breed and have foals. They are their own species rather than being the offspring of a horse and a donkey.

- My elves have tails! Tala and Wys have long, tufted tails styled to each of their likings :) They're sorta like hairless lion tails except for the tip if that makes sense?

- I'm open to constructive criticism as long as it isn't too harsh, I am pretty sensitive ;(

- This is my first book I'm committed to! I plan to publish it in the future :0

AND HERE'S THE COVER! The edges and the title would be metallic gold :)

EDIT: Sorry for the weird spacing, blame tumblr. Alsooo PLEASE feel free to use my ask box to ask about my book!! I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE to answer any questions!

[oubliette-odette]

The Reluctance of Love, Pt. 2

I've been having a little too much fun writing this story. I will admit, not a lot happens in this chapter - but I promise the next chapter will be good. Just a reminder that this a (sort of) slow burn.

Orc Male x Half-Elf Male, Fated Mates, Forbidden Love, Slow Burn Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 Word Count: 2750 (average 20 min read) Content Warnings: mention of mating, nothing happens....yet ;) All orcish is from orcishdictionary.com, created by Matt Vancil. Not beta-read. Criticism is welcome, but be sure to distinguish criticism from hate.

I hated myself for leaving Altan there. But I knew that I would hate myself more if I did anything to him.

I remember when I was a child I had always been afraid of mating. It felt like without any choice from either person - you were expected to be intimate with them. I never liked that my body would do something to me that I couldn't control. My broodmothers always told me it was the gift of Gruumsh that assured the vitality and strength of the orc races. It was something that would be mutually felt between partners. I still didn't like it, and I still was afraid of my own body for much of my childhood.

I left home for many reasons: the fact that I was a constant reminder of my father's and broodmothers' shame. The fact that there was no one left my age unmated. But also because I knew that if I left, I would reduce the chance of finding a mate. Lordhovid only would happen with a female orc. The world beyond would reduce my chances of every having to experience it, should it ever happen to me.

I sometimes wondered if I never experienced the urge to mate because I simply didn't want it. But Gruumsh be damned, I found myself in a greater predicament than even experiencing lordhovid. My greatest fear turned out to be worse than I could have imagined.

My relationship with my home and my culture was complicated. I desired to be seen as valuable and needed by my family, but I only brought shame as long as I was unable to give them children. I left for not only my own sake, but for the sake of my family. But I still carried with me a pride of my people and a want to do what was right and I carried a hope that maybe someday I could earn their love back.

My life-partner, my raebukam, the one my body began to burn for was someone I couldn't possibly be with. If I were to return with Altan to my homeland - radiant Altan who remained golden in my memories - I would be dishonored. To bring a partner who could neither bear children or fight for the tribe would spell my damnation.

Altan...I wished I had never learned his name. Altan. Altan. His name was seared into me, branded in my memories. I wished I could have met him under different circumstances. I wished I could love him and not hurt him. I wished I could have known that his feelings for me would be returned without lordhovid influencing him.

I stayed in my tiny room above the forge for the next two days. Feverish and overheated, I struggled through the days. I hadn't been able to buy enough food and I knew eventually I'd have to leave. But I insisted I couldn't leave. I would live with this if I must. I wouldn't give in to this lust. It wasn't mine. I could control it.

On the the third day, however, I heard a pounding at my door.

I was curled on the mattress on the floor that served as my bed - I could never find a bed big enough for my size - and caught in a feverish daze, trying to not think about Altan.

"Drunrag?!" Someone shouted from the other side of the door.

My heart leapt up to my throat. I knew that voice. It was like music.

Altan.

I shrank into the corner of my room, panic formed in the pit of my stomach. "No," I rasped. "You can't be here." The last two days had been near hell - I didn't know if I could be strong enough to stop myself now.

"Drunrag...please open the door." His own voice sounded exhausted. Guilt and shame flooded through me. He had been experiencing his own symptoms of lordhovid, and I had left him to suffer them alone. I selfishly had only considered myself.

Damn you, Drunrag.

"I'm not above considering breaking this door down." He said. "It's taken me these last two days to find you, and it's been absolute hell. I'm not leaving until we have a chance to talk."

"You should if you wish to be safe." I yelled back. My voice cracked from disuse and panic. "I don't want this."

"Look, I'm still not entirely sure of all that's happening to us. But I trust you not to hurt me. Can we please just talk and see what solution we can come to?"

I struggled to my feet, and stumbled to the door. I hesitated, my hand at the lock. "I'm...are you certain?"

"Just. Open the damn door, please."

I hadn't considered that Altan could posses such fire in him.

Admittedly, I knew nothing about him. I fled before I could know him. I only understood one thing: that my body wanted him.

I slid the lock back and cracked the door open. My eyes alighted upon seeing those wide, golden eyes. Altan. Gods, he really was glowing. I let out a breath that I must have been holding since I left him. The pulling in my chest lessened, now that it felt the closeness of my raebukam. However, it was painful to be so close and be denied what my body screamed for. I felt the heat inside me begin to stir again.

"Ummm," He looked up and down through the crack, a weary yet sardonic smile crossing his face. "Do you expect me to converse through this crack? I think not. Gods, where is your sense of hospitality?" He pushed against the door, and I - too stunned to do anything really - was like a leaf, easily knocked back by the small, slender man before me. I crashed against my wall and watched him step into the room. My mouth was agape as I watched him barge in.

In that moment, I studied him, really took a good look at him. He didn't seem tall for a humanoid, but his head looked like it only reached my pecs. He dressed a bit differently than I typically saw in the streets. More loose, airy clothes that exposed his golden brown skin. His coppery curls were long, but appeared mussed and unkempt, like he hadn't been taking care of himself for quite a few days.

I watched as he studied my home. It was a simply layout, a kitchen and a bedroom. The outhouse was outside. His lips were open just slightly as he took in everything. He turned suddenly to gaze into my bedroom. As he turned, the smell of sunny wheat fields overwhelmed my senses. I shuddered and closed my eyes, ignoring the pulsating inside me that urged me to grab him and pull him towards me. Everything about him was tantalizing.

He sighed. "I should have expected this. There's really not much here." He peered into the room where my mattress lay and he frowned, "If you expect me to sleep with you there, I absolutely refuse." He turned to look at me. "You may be an orc, but that doesn't mean I will resort to your way of making love. I expect our first time to be better than...this." He gestured to the general space, which I wondered if I should find offensive, but my mind quickly slipped beyond that thought to the fact that I heard him discuss potentially sleeping together...

There couldn't possibly be a chance...not in any of the nine hells. Gods tell me he's joking.

"What did you say?" I said. "You're not actually considering..."

He stepped towards me, his voice was sharp and direct. "It's not like we have another solution, right? I've had two days to ponder this. It seems you and I are deemed a worthy pairing according to your mating instinct. And strangely, my own body seems to be confirming those same feelings. If you and I are to function at all in our lives - we have to do as our bodies tell us. We must mate. Correct?"

I couldn't look at him. It was too embarrassing. I could feel my face burning with shame, but also with anger. How could he possible suggest this when I didn't want this.

"I'll take that as a yes." He said, his voice softened.

I looked up to see him. He was standing in my home. My tiny, cramped little space with only a kitchen and a bedroom. He looked perfectly normal in it. But I could see the dark circles under his eyes, the way his hair looked like it hadn't been washed or combed since I last saw him. His own breathing was heavy, like mine. His stance looked as if he were carrying an intense weight. A weight that we could remove....if I could just give in to lordhovid.

But I couldn't. I shook my head. "No, I'm not mating with you."

"What exactly is holding you back from this?" He asked. "I apologize if this may come across ignorant, I've only met a handful of orcs in my lifetime, all of them much older than me, but I was raised to believe that orcs found great pleasure in their mating customs. Help me to understand...is it that you find me unlikable?"

I grunted. Unlikeable? No, Altan seemed friendly enough, savvy enough and possessed a lot of spirit. It wasn't something I found in most people I encountered. He seemed honest too.

I shook my head. "No."

He took a step towards me, to which I took a panicked step back.

"Do I repulse you?"

I shook my head again and grunted. I found that he did the exact opposite, I couldn't focus because my eyes would wander to all of his various features. His large, golden eyes. His full lips that always seemed quirked into a smile. His exposed chest, bare and smooth. His ear poking through those soft-looking curls. No, I could not say I found him remotely repulsive.

"Are you afraid of me?" He asked.

That, I hesitated. Yes I was afraid. Of him. Of me. But mostly of what was keeping us together: lordhovid. I was scared what it would do to me, do to Altan and of how its influence brought me here.

He cocked his head. "You're afraid of me." He said it that time as a statement, not a question.

I shook my head, "I am afraid of what you are."

"A half-elf?" He laughed. "We're not known for being terrifying."

I couldn't laugh, not at that moment. I looked at him with a dark expression. "I'm afraid of you as my life-partner. I didn't want this, nor did you ask for this."

His laughter faded and his expression softened. "You really didn't choose to do this to me, did you? You didn't choose me?"

I shook my head. "lordhovid is meant to draw together those who will bear the strongest children for the orc tribe."

"Huh...curious." He said, his voice was light, curious more than anything. I wondered how none of this seemed to be affecting him as much as it affected me. He thought for a moment. "You mentioned that you were broken."

Krandad. Broken. I had grown accustomed to be called that by my broodmothers when I remained the last one unmated from my litter.

I shifted where i stood. To speak on the most intimate, sacred part of my culture to someone who was being so kind and patient to me. Someone I should trust. I somehow felt out of place, like a child. "I am unmated. It is shameful for an orc to be unmated. At first I thought it was something wrong with me. But I believe it because it's my choice."

He studied me. I didn't like his eyes on me for so long. I could feel the burning of his stare and it made my own heated skin surge with longing and want. "You don't want to mate at all, is that what you mean?"

I gave a small nod.

"Then why are we here now?" He asked.

I shook my head, "I don't know. But you were not given a choice. Nor was I. You are a stranger...and I have damned your fate to be with me." I bowed my head, looking away from him somehow made everything in my body feel so much worse. "You have my deepest apologies."

He didn't answer, didn't speak. I worried I had upset him somehow. I glanced up, and saw him staring back at me. His gaze was like the sun on my face, warming my body through every part.

"You are an honorable man, Drunrag." He said, gently. "I see that your sense of honor and your moral standing are greater than even most men. I understand that...this," He gestured between myself and him "Isn't something you want." He closed his eyes for a moment, then laughed. "You're a more complicated person than I anticipated." His eyes were like small lines when he laughed. I liked his laugh.

"I'm sorry." I said, my voice low. I didn't mean to be complicated.

"Let me make a proposition for you, then, Drunrag." He stood tall, as tall as he could against me, it was amusing to see him puff his chest and stretch his shoulders back.

"I'm listening." I said.

"You and I will not mate." He said, he smile awkwardly. "We'll see if we can manage our lives with this symptom. I'll treat it like a cold. Just a really hot, heavy, feverish cold. Who knows, maybe it eventually goes away. Or, you could see if there's some kind of potion? Spell? A Sorcerer, perhaps, that could remove it for you. And if we find that it's too much. Well, I know where you live. Let's say we reconvene in a month and see if we need to revisit option number one."

He smiled warmly at me, and it made my insides twist. Why was he being so understanding of my situation?

"You're being too kind." I said.

He shrugged, "What else can I do? I won't force myself on you, I would hate myself for that, handsome as you are."

Handsome? He must have been trying to be polite. Nothing more. Except that I didn't know how to answer him, and I felt the silence between us build uncomfortably.

"Well," He said with a forced smile. "I suppose there's nothing more to do, right?"

I hesitated before I nodded to him. "Right?"

He looked around the space once more, and then back up to me. "I would like to think maybe we could be friends...once all of this is over?"

His smile was more genuine as he cast his attention my way. He really did have a glow to him, an aura of warmth that made him easy to like. I wondered then if maybe it would be so bad sleep with him...just once. What would it feel like to hold him? I looked down a bit and caught the slight curve of his waist. I imagined my arms...

I clenched my eyes shut, closing the thought before my body reached a new temperature.

"Thank you, Altan, for your understanding." I said, gaining my composure. "In a month's time."

His smile faltered for just a moment, a brief look of wanting and disappointment, before he nodded his head and made his way to the door. "In a month's time."

The door shut behind him and I felt his presence on the other side of it. I pondered our last interaction together. Why did he seem so disappointed?

It was frustrating to feel that tug and pull inside me that tried to pull me back to him. I shoved the urge away and locked the door after I felt some distance between us. Would I always know approximately where he was? Would I ever sense his emotions or if he was in danger?

I ran my hands through my hair, several times, to try to distract myself from the heat and pressure inside me. I was stronger than my bodily urges. I was stronger than the pull that kept me near Altan. I was stronger than all of that. I repeated the words as I looked around my now empty apartment.

Was this really to be my life from now on?

[a2zillustrations]

New series I’ve been working on! When a human wanders into the faerealm

[sylvsforest]

Intaglio prints, titled “Chance”

[pompoison]

𝕋ℍℝ𝔸𝕃𝕃 (my m/m paranormal romance comic OCs) Read here.

[avaoakheart-blog]

Unikitty stole the whole show. Like yeah, there's a witch there but we all know the cat is the star of this picture

[sir-subpar]

*Smash Bros announcer voice*

A new Boyfriend approaches!

Meet Gorren! A demon/human(?) Hybrid!

And a coffee shop au doodle

I'm trying to think of a ship name for these dudes. Wuush x Argo x Gorren.. Gorrgowuush? Wuushargen? Gorushgo?