#do drafts of and actually color and so forth

[thelampisaflashlight]

It's hazy/smoky out today so I couldn't go for a walk, and I didn't feel like getting a workout in, so I decided to start a piece on canvas using colored pencils where the primary layer was done in greens, blues, and yellows, with the brighter highlights being done with a random Prismacolor marker I found in a box of used art supplies I was gifted.

I then scanned the piece (code for: Stood on my bed above it to get the angles fucking right) and went into my paint programs to dick around with layering and to add more peach to the face.

I did a couple flipped layers to shade in certain parts a little differently and... I don't totally hate it.

The reason why I struggled with these piece in particular, apart from, well, the everything going on, is because the subject I picked for it was someone I don't always like looking at...

Me.

I think, every so often, it's okay to look at yourself and go, "This is going to be for me/of me"

Does it look completely like myself? No.

Do I think I will ever capture my likeness to a degree that I'm like, "That's me!" and think of it fondly? Nope.

But sometimes ya gotta make a funky little picture of yourself.

I might lose this version some day, and all I'll have is the original work on the canvas panel, still so yellow and green, and maybe I'll throw it away, but for now here it is.

And now I'll be going back to drawing my silly little guys like this:

And maybe make another one of these in a year or more lmao

[Do Not Repost]

[lostinwildflowers]

You're Wheelie Great

Jean Kirstein x Reader

Summary: After running Jean over with your bike, Jean takes you back to his place to fix it up.

Word Count: 1.4K

Warnings: Cursed fluff, terrible, and I mean AWFUL dad jokes

A/N: I am emerging from the depths of my drafts with more fluffy Jean! This is kind of cursed and I am so sorry, but I needed to put this out there XD -Birch<3

Part 1 - Head Over Wheels For You

"You really did a number on this," Jean chuckles as he flips your bike's kickstand out. The two of you were in the garage of his small home just a few miles from campus, examining the wreckage from your... accident.

"Well you didn't move out of the way when I yelled "watch out" you know!" you giggle nervously as Jean gets down on his hands and knees, inspecting the brake lines which seemed to fail. You rock back and forth on your feet once or twice before saying softer, "I am still sorry for hitting you, though."

Jean just smiles as his hands fiddle with the lines, shrugging, "Ah, I'll be alright." He smirks up at you and flirts, "Plus, now I get to help a pretty girl out. That's not too bad of a day for me."

You can feel an intense wave of heat rush over your face as butterflies swarm your belly, and you cough once to hide the way your voice was about to break.

"Do you get run over often on campus? Those noise-canceling headphones probably don't help," you try to deflect, still fighting the growing smile on your face.

Jean gives a soft chuckle as he stands up and walks over to his workbench and replies, "I only get run over by girls I'd like to take to dinner." This immediately sends another wave of heat through you, and you manage to gush out, "I suppose I could arrange that."

Jean turns to you with a wrench in his hand and his eyebrow cocked as he asks, "Oh really?" You shuffle uncomfortably on your feet before gesturing to your bike, "Think of it as payment for helping me fix my bike up."

The tall man goes back to work on your bike and states, "You know, I should be the one buying you dinner, not the other way around." You move to sit on one of the shop's creeper carts and with a smile shrug, "Oh really?"

This time, you can see pink dusting Jean's nose as you throw his words back at him. You just giggle at his reaction before asking, "How bad is the damage to The Swag-mobile?"

Jean glances at you with an incredulous look on his face as he repeats, "The Swag-mobile? You named your bike?" You scoff playfully and jest, "And you don't?"

A moment passes by before you continue, "Actually, my friends call it The Swag-mobile. I'm the only one who bikes around campus, they all usually walk."

Jean nods in understanding as he works away on the bike, time sliding by as the two of you make easy conversation. You told him about how you were a senior in one of your final semesters, just trying to make it to graduation.

He told you he was in the same boat, and that life as a sports medicine major had its ups and downs. Jean was in the middle of telling you about this one stretch he was taught for people with messed up calves, attempting to demonstrate it.

In doing so, he tips backward, knocking into your bike. It wobbles on the kickstand for a second, threatening to fall over. You hold your breath as it steadies, your eyes glancing over to Jean with a certain uneasiness.

He's already looking at you, and it's silent for a moment before the two of you burst out laughing. Jean plants his feet firmly back on the ground before grabbing a hold of one of the handlebars.

Nodding toward the bike he says, "Your bike has seen a lot today, I better not mess it up anymore," a chuckle following his last words.

You laugh before shrugging, "It's only a $200 bike, she's seen better days." A sigh falls from your lips before you stand up from the shop stool you had been perched on.

You walk over to the bike, your hand gently resting on the opposite handlebar from Jean. Your (colored) gaze meets his and you ask, "Shall we take it for a test ride?"

A low whistle slides between his lips and he raises his eyebrows in mock defense. "It's as good as it's going to get from a non-pro bike brake mechanic," he ushes, a boyish smile slowly creeping its way onto his face.

The seemingly permanent smile on your face grows even bigger as you grasp the handlebar tighter, pulling the kickstand up with your foot, "Let's take her for a ride!"

Jean lets go of your bike and watches your figure in the light of his dim garage. His boyish smile has turned into a smirk as he calls out behind you, "I think you're wheelie great at riding your bike you know."

You swivel around as a playful gasp escapes you. You can't help the giggles that follow as the bad joke reverberates in your head.

The tall man can't help but think he likes the way your nose scrunched up when you laugh, and that you may be the cutest girl he's ever seen.

You throw back your head as you giggle out, "You could say I was head over wheels for you!" The unexpected comeback makes Jean huff out a laugh, the joke playing off of his own.

Jean walks up to you as you both continue to chuckle and he pushes, "I don't think I'll get tire-d of hearing you say that." Another round of giggles escapes you, your stomach starting to ache from all of the laughter.

"I've cycled through all of my jokes", you managed, sending Jean into another fit of laughter, your grip loosening on the bike handles.

The two of you continue to laugh and chuckle for another few moments before you attempt at catching your breath. You didn't notice how close you had gotten to Jean until your eyes glanced up to take note of him.

You could see a dusting of freckles littering his nose, his gaze soft as a smile settled on his lips. You could almost feel his breath on your cheeks as your lungs tried to recover their lost oxygen, your heart skipping as you unconsciously leaned into him.

Jean was no different, his eyes flitting between your (colored) gaze and your slightly parted lips. He, too, unconsciously was leaning into you, his hand settling on the frame of your bike.

His body suddenly stilled and he cleared his throat to break the tension that suddenly built between you two. You blink as you realize the moment is over and embarrassment starts to flood over you.

"I- I'm sorry, I think I may have read this wrong-" you start, but Jean cuts you off, "No, I'm sorry. I-, I just have this thing where I usually take a girl out to dinner before our first kiss."

The meaning behind the words is not lost to you as you stare up at him, eyes wide. The heat of unsettled embarrassment shifts to butterflies as you try to counter, "Is this your way of asking me out?"

Jean tilts his head back and forth in a mock and playful manner as he replies, "Well I did say I should buy you dinner... so if you're interested?"

His words trail off with uncertainty that he was reading the atmosphere wrong, but when an appreciative smile slides across your face, Jean feels weightless.

You solidify the answer to his question with a quip of, "You also have to buy me ice cream if I get on this bike and the brakes don't work." Jean smirks back at you and drawls, "Well I better warn you now, it's a rocky road from here to the end of my driveway."

A rush of giggles falls from your lips as you take in his joke and swing your leg over the frame of your bike. Jean backs up, a smile landing on his lips as he hears you say, "We better not be out too choco-late, or all of the shops will be closed."

At that, you push off on the bike pedal and ride down the bumpy pavement that is Jean's driveway. As he watches you, he can't help but think he's in for a wheelie great time with you.

[vrtvyg]

AHHH TYSM I FELL INLOVEEE #victimsoapmylove…

I apologize for taking SOOOOOOO long, but it's finally here!

Since I missed so many great opportunities to torture our Johnny, I'll make a list here.

Victim! Soap; Holiday Edition!

I meant to do much more, but this has been in my drafts for SO long and I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer! I'll (hopefully) make a part 2 and finish the rest!

As always, NSFW under the cut. Intended for Male reader.

Christmas:

Johnny isn't surprised to wake up with an ache Christmas morning, since Christmas eve left Reader too excited to sleep, bending him in every position until he fell asleep. He is, however, shocked to limp down the stairs and find presents under the tree. Counting, one, two, three... seven in total. "Open them, cmon" He's urged to sit, with a wince, and tear Open the wrapping. Most of them are surprisingly sweet. A small sketch book, Colored pencils, two new sweaters, a soft blanket and plush.... then the last two he opens are clearly less for him... A soft red and white skirt, with a matching bra, and a pretty new collar with a bell. He for once felt decent living with this monster, just for it all to be ruined in seconds... The sex that follows leaves him bruised, tired, and in a dull mood, but atleast playing with his new book, and the surprisingly good supper that follows eases the ache.

Valentines day:

Fuck... He expected it, dreaded the day, even. He knew when Reader was being kind, it always ended with a turn around... He took him outside. Into the public. To a restaurant. Not unprepared, of course. Johnny had the constant reminder to behave when Reader pushed the sharp blade to his thigh underneath the table. He let him order what he wanted, though. Hell, a few glasses of scotch and Soap was actually enjoying the evening. For once he made the first move, started feeling up Readers arm, thigh, chest. For once, he actually enjoyed the sex they had that night, rose petals on the bed and everything.

Halloween: (draft) Dressing him up in some sexy outfit, making him wear short shorts and a tube top with bows while reader wears a ghost face mask, or some other slasher

Thanksgiving: (draft) Rather wholesome night, Reader makes a feast and actually treats Soap decently, even gives him a massage after eating too much, upsetting his tummy :(

Easter: (draft) make him a whole Easter basket, half is chocolates and jelly beans, the other half is sex toys

New year: (draft) You both get tipsy and have sex on the couch while counting down until midnight

American Forth of July:(draft) he actually really enjoyed this, the whole lighting off fireworks and blowing barely legal explosives... until reader put him in an American flag bikini. He hated that.

[thesummerstorms]

Long rough draft piece of my Rook de Riva being confronted with her past while Lucanis is stuck trying to reconcile his knowledge with his emotions while feeling protective.

One day, eventually, in the course of many much more impossible events, one day after an entire life time, Arsinoë de Riva finally walks out of an Eluvian and into the gaze of one of her Apostate mother's former collaborators.

After, Arsinoë will explain that he recognizes her because the name she gives the innkeeper was one of her mother's years ago. In the moment, all Lucanis knows is that they're being followed.

Lucanis and Arsinoë both immediately pick up on the fact that this elderly "farmer" has too much interest, is following a little too close. In the slight shift of a stance, a glancing look at the other's face, they come to agreement, easier than even he and Illario once could. They both have weapons ready as they turn into a deserted side street.

(Bellara is not quite as quick on the uptake despite their subtle efforts.)

The glint of steel and then Lucanis is moving. There is light and heat pouring over Arsinoë's gloved hand, a second away from bathing them in fire.

But the Elven man hasn't drawn on them. Instead, he's placed himself between Bellara and a red-crystal blade, swearing back in colorful Antivan when the Venatori exalt the name of the Great God Lusacan. Blood follows, and magic, the sweep of violet wings and the gleam of Bellara's bow.

Blood follows. Then silence as the man turns to look at Arsinoë critically, athame still unsheathed.

Lucanis doesn't move to put himself between them. He is a Crow: she is a Crow; it would be an insult to them both and all their training. Still, the urge is there, amplified in Spite's hissing demands, all of them centered on Rook.

The stranger seems unconcerned by Lucanis or by Bellara's rushed questioning. He keeps one brow raised as he asks "Corina Soldati, huh?" When Arsinoë doesn't answer, he adds 'You look like her, you know. More scars, but the face is the same."

Arsinoë doesn't twitch, but it's actually the stillness that gives her away. It would to any Crow — that unnatural, frozen poise of a child who has been beaten until they learn not to react, not to let the gasp or whimper slip past their lips.

Spite senses it too, his agitation palpable and roiling behind Lucanis's eyes, pushing for movement, to bring steel against this stranger who has FRIGHTENED startled Rook. Lucanis, like that same Crow child, does not react. He holds, ready, waiting for the shift in Arsinoë's stance that will give him permission to strike.

"Corina...Soldati?" Bellara asks, eyes flitting back and forth between Rook and the stranger. "Wait, is that a real person? Am I supposed to know who that is?"

Lucanis has never heard of a Corina Soldati in any capacity connected with the Crows, or in any of Caterina's careful strategizing around the merchant princes and their houses, but that doesn't have to mean anything. The part that matters is why the man cares.

If this is some past job come back to haunt Rook, it would better to end this now, quickly, and make their escape back through the Eluvian towards Treviso, where Viago can be apprised as Arsinoë's Talon. How Bellara would take that, though –

Rook still has not spoken- as uncharacteristic of her as her stony face, and that's setting off its own alarms- when the man interrupts his silent strategizing.

"She had other names. Antiklea, maybe. Antiklea Zangari?" A pause. "Fuck, you two don't know anything, do you." It isn't a question. "Well then, kid, what name are you using these days? When you're not using hers."

ROOK. IS QUIET! WHY IS ROOK? QUIET!

Lucanis couldn't answer Spite even if he wanted; he's never seen Arsinoë freeze like this, but there isn't time to dissect it. Bellara has moved to put herself between Arsinoë and the old man, Crows be damned, so Lucanis jumps in to speak the same way he would watch her back in a fight.

"De Riva." He answers for her. It's the only identity of hers a target has any right to know. "Why do you care?"

"We go back a ways," the man says, and finally sheathes his mage knife. Tucked into his belt, it looks as deceptive as he is, a farmer's hunting weapon without the glinting silverite blade. "You might have been too young to remember though, kid. And Antiklea didn't bring you around much."

"No." Rook doesn't move. She's normally an expressive talker, hands in constant motion, but she is still holding, eyes watchful. Waiting for the signal, as if young and bruised again."No, she didn't. Not when she didn't have to."

WHO. IS IT?

Lucanis bites back the question, instead making a deliberate point of not sheathing Rialto. He doesn't know of an Antiklea either, but something about this is throwing Rook is off her game. He can't afford to make more openings in her guard.

Footsteps go past the narrow mouth of the street and all of them, even the man tense. Spite hovers behind the man's shoulder, violet, violent light spilling over the stranger's face for only Lucanis to see.

SMELLS LIKE. RAIN AND DUST.

"Do we have a problem here?" Lucanis asks, at the same time as Bellara turns to Arsinoë, her back left open, FOOLISH , "Wait, do you know him Rook?"

Arsinoë glances her thumb along the sharpened Everite edge of her blade and shakes her head. "You weren't one of the ones she left me with, were you?"

Left you with???

"No," the man agrees. " You wouldn't have been any safer with me than you were with her. She's dead now, you know. Your mother."

What?

That's what this was about?

Lucanis has known of course, that Arsinoë wasn't de Riva by blood, whether it be Viago's or the previous Talon's. She was compradi, purchased, the same as most Crow fledglings were, and of course she had to have come from somewhere but –

Your mother is dead.

Lucanis blinked away the sudden twist in his chest and saw that Spite had rounded back to leer at the man's face, echoing confused anger. Incidentally, this also put the demon closer to Rook. Bellara had reached out immediately to put a steadying hand on Rook's elbow, but –

Arsinoë seemed to relax, her body shuddering as she released a breath. The mage knife was moving in her hands, but it was the same as the way she fidgeted with her fork or quill, not the intricate weave of a mage casting a spell.

"I assumed she was, by now," Arsinoë admitted, "It's been long enough. And even back then, well... I guess even as a kid I knew she wasn't going to come for me. Either she was dead or–"

Or cutting her losses. The unspoken words hung in the air.

And Arsinoë had been compradi. He knew that, knew the long, sordid history of the Crows and the children they bought to raise.

But... surely not. This was Rook. And even Caterina had-

LEFT ROOK? LEFT! ROOK!

"No, she wouldn't have," the man confirms, but Bellara's face is more devastated than Rook's, "that wasn't Antiklea's way of doing things. A couple of us looked, though, for what it's worth. Got as far as Filomena's widow and a couple of Templars, but then –".

"Then the Circle," Arsinoë agrees. "And then the Crows."

"The Crows? ... De Riva. Fuck, kid."

Lucanis bristles, even though his own thoughts have been circling and circling, twisting around compradi and bruising and silence, the strike of a cane. Arsinoë's free hand brushes his glove in recognition, and then the twist turns to shame.

"Things are what they are," Arsinoë tells her mother's associate with no more defensiveness than a shrug. Finally, the heat and flame of her mage orb flickers out of view. "I'm sorry if using one of her names upset you. I didn't expect it to be recognized after this long."

"Rook-" Bellara exclaims, but the glance Arsinoë shoots her isn't one looking for apologies.

The man shifts a little awkwardly, as if its finally hitting him just how absurd this whole conversation has been. "There are a few of us still around. A couple of the others might have some things of hers, I think. A stave or..."

"No. No that's not necessary."

"Arsinoë... Do you still use Arsinoë?"

"It's fine," Arsinoë waves him off, which doesn't actually answer the question, but the man relents. "I don't...She wouldn't..."

Wouldn't what? Wouldn't want to pass on her weapons to the daughter she apparently didn't look for?

"Still, I could-"

"No. Thank you. But whatever debts were there back then, neither of us owes the other now. I'll be fine."

"Debts?" Bellara asks incredulously, then "Rook, are you sure..."

"Bellara." Lucanis's jaw clicks as he says her name.

Arsinoë gives them all another small shake of the head, then glances at the still cooling Venatori corpses. "We should go. Before these are missed, I mean." Her eyes look to Bellara, to Lucanis, seeking, as if worried they might protest the sudden departure.

As if they would be worried about the groceries right now.

The man relents with a nod. "I'll handle the bodies. We can still do that much. Go safe... Signora de Riva."

Arsinoë turns heel without another glance in his direction. Bellara scrambles after her, leaving Lucanis to follow. He watches even as he leaves, until the old elf turns to the bodies with a sigh.

"So that was-" Bellara begins as he's catching up, but Arsinoë throws a hand up.

"Bel. Please. Not here."

Still Arsinoë accepts when Bellara tentatively links an arm through hers, though Lucanis swears he sees her flinch. Bellara looks back over her shoulder at him, expression still clear and full of all the words Arsinoë has rejected.

That was weird, right? He can almost hear her voice when their eyes meet. That was really weird. And sad.

Unfortunately... Lucanis thinks he understands more than he might like.

"When we get to the Lighthouse," he offers, "I'll send Harding for anything we need urgently and then I can start a pot of ciocalta calda while the stove heats."

Arsinoë gives no sign she heard him, her face distant. He starts revising dinner plans and the grocery list he will give to Harding. The broth can be put towards soup, maybe. Something easy to eat, to sip at, and what's left of the bread to soak in it.

LEFT ROOK? SOMEONE. LEFT ROOK THERE? Spite demands. The demon is unusually agitated, even for Spite.

Lucanis wishes he had a better answer.

But isn't that always how it is with the compradi?

Even Rook.

[swan2swan]

Closing thoughts on the Chaos Theory Season 1 Novelisation:

It was, by far, the most insightful of all six books. Not because "oh it provided so much information that wasn't in the show", but because it had a lot of differences from the final version that made it to our screens. Some of which weren't just things like summarized dialogue, a cut line or two, or omitted scenes (though there were two whole adventures that we didn't see in the book, which ran at 140 pages to the second season's 144)...there were some actual story beats that changed.

Most notable was Darius apparently receiving Brooklynn's final message in the early drafts (though he does seem to see it for the first time at its proper moment, which probably suggests that they went back and forth on how to do it). Even in the message itself, Brooklynn calls out for Darius before the Allosaurus shows up, thinking she's hearing him. That's a more minor change, but it makes a difference.

The book also, notably, does not reveal Brooklynn at the end. There is no final scene with her and Ronnie. Part of me suspects that they actually didn't include the scene in the initial first season scripts, in order to keep it Fully Hush Hush (in the same way she was kept out of all the marketing and toy lines), but regardless, it's something impressive.

There are a few additional dinosaurs in scenes, and the Suchomimus on the docks of Louisiana was originally a Baryonyx (they probably got the Sucho model up and running in time to use it, and took her for a test drive on the docks). There are a few potential early-draft spoilers* included (Ben saying his girlfriend is Italian, Brooklynn freezing as she sees something besides the Allosaurus on the camera, Sammy connecting her falling out to the ranch) , and Ben's paranoia is pretty much nonexistent in the entire book, so overall, it very much feels like the first season was in production almost up until the deadline.

Which makes sense--the second season's book came out long after the show itself (*points again to the moratorium on Brooklynn's survival*), so it's quite probable that they've actually been working with a good schedule. All of this, I might add, is speculation, outside of whatever I'm citing. But the beautiful abstract picture you get from the lines that connect a show to its adaptation do paint a very beautiful picture here.

I will also note that the book is very solidly written: it feels much, much more like the Lost World novelization I read fifty times as a kid, or the Godzilla 1998 one. Those ruled, because they had to be adaptations that could keep people hooked on your product without YouTube clips or online picture galleries. Both Chaos Theory novelizations feel like those.

BONUS FACT: The novelization of The Lost World includes the deleted scenes of Ludlow's board meeting, Roland Tembo being recruited by Ajay (minus the sexual harassment and brownface), and the scene where Ludlow breaks the baby T. rex's leg (with more surprise and less alcohol). It's another window into how things change.

The first book does feel stronger than the second one, though, on account of the fact that it takes its time to describe some of the dinosaurs and scenes: the second book just says that a Suchomimus appears, while the first one leads off with Becklespinax's sail, colors, and fearsome appearance before introducing her by name.

They're good reads, if you can find them and pick them up. Just remember that the process is presumably just that Steve Behling was sent a bunch of scripts for the first season and had to adapt them, so you're not going to get a WHOLE new experience from it (though he does have some fun).

[100yearsofclexa]

timeless letters of love and longing, 3

3. on growing a life inside of one's belly

clexa drafts inspired by the book One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Gabriel Garcia-Marquéz.

(as you all can notice from before, the drafts doesn't follow any particular timeline, it hovers around diferent life moments as childhood, adulthood, senescence, etc, going back and forth)

After the insomnia plague, the habitants of Polis could not conceive any child for some years. They grieved the lack of new babies and the matriarchs were concerned about losing those which managed to survive. Clarke was still a child who likes to draw and gives names to people and creatures, but she's a little bit older now - and starting to lose it's infant naiveness. She remembers that time she was full of strange feelings about the general concern: Why people can't have babies anymore? What's the relation between this desease and the unborn children?

Will she ever have one of her own?

Clarke spent days with her mind spiralling around the issue. She would make lists and sketches as an attempt to elaborate any racional explanation for what was happening. She ran around the hutches to ask people about the conception of babies, which just a few would answer with words and names like "love between adults", "human witchcraft", "giving a basket of fruit and seeds to a beloved one". Clarke then concluded that was way more methods of conceiving a baby that she could even fanthom.

She would spent days thinking about a name to a baby - in case of having one, once she's older. She knew from her heart that it would be a tough mission - a given name takes in itself a bunch of powers and responsabilities. And she wanted this baby to be strong - as the trees, as the forest, the rivers and the feral animals, so she wouldn't choose anything like a flower name or any cute creature. She wanted this little idea of her to survive, since the village were always in the verge of vanishing in thin air.

By that time, she could not find the proper name of her imagined baby. Actually, she left off the mere idea of it when the things in Polis get harsh again. Time goes by, they manage to survive through diseases and any other strike of insomnia plague.

One day, Clarke discovers that she is not a child anymore, and it happens not when she has to struggle with adult duties - no, this kind of preoccupation came way earlier. In truth, it comes when she uncovers the desires she keeps deep in her chest. It's when she sees herself captivated by the mere sight of Lexa Woods - now a very strong woman - and wanting her all to herself, and not only to savour the name and colors that she would thought that suited those green-forest eyes, but also to worship her as a woman in love would do.

As an older Clarke would say: "whatever love and strength has always meant, it's her name*".

That thought of having some life growing inside of her, or even having someone to grow a life nurtured by her, came again after years of silence. It started as a hot liquid brewing inside her guts. Clarke was washing Lexa's hair slowly, tangling her fingers slightly through the brown curls, scrubing the scalp while her beloved warrior seemed to fall asleep with that soft and wet caress. It was so rare to witness, Lexa so relaxed and surrendered inside a hot tub, unarmed, and devoid of any fear of enemies. At that time, Clarke wouldn't know how Lexa managed to separate feelings from duty, but she would indeed welcome that attempt of leaving difficult things behind.

After rinsing Lexa's hair with warm water, Clarke snakes her hands by Lexa's scalp towards her shoulders, and then her neck, her chest, untill she is hugging all her upper body from behind. Clarke's damp shirt is glued to Lexa's bare back, leaving just a thin layer of separation between her own breasts and her lover's hot skin.

Eyes closed, Lexa lays her head over Clarke's right shoulder, breathing her in. She's not sleepy anymore.

With a hoarse tone, heavy with desire, Clarke mumbles through kisses over Lexa's now displayed neck: -- I had this daydream one time.

-- Hm?

-- You were pregnant with my child. -- A girl. With blonde hair and green eyes just like yours, my love, Clarke thought to herself. Not give away your secrets too soon, Clarke. Not yet. -- And she would be so strong… I wanted even to give her a name after your own, so she could be just as strong and kind as you are.

Lexa sighs, melting into the caresses and the view that Clarke paints through words. -- Tell me more.

Clarke seems to have other plans. This kind of confession needs an even more intimate contact. She grins through Lexa's skin when she notices the goosebumps rising.

-- Come to bed first.

*i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

(E. E. Cummins)

(I might write a chapter 3 parte 2 soon)

(I also might write a chapter about this 'insomnia disease', which is one of my favourite parts of Cien Años de Soledád)

[peachhcs]

so high school au ★ “you know how to ball i know aristotle”

→ emma grace x gabe perreault

or hockey player meets top of her class (inspired by taylor swift's song so high school)

→ moodboard + au masterlist

★ ☆ au background + timeline ★ ☆

gabe meets emma first semester of freshman year at boston college

he's taking a french class for fun even though he's fluent in french

him and emma end up next to one another for the class

at first, emma's not so sure about gabe since he acts kind of dumb in the class so the professor doesn't know he's fluent

that annoys her because she thinks it's stupid when people play dumb even though they're super smart

his athletic persona also throws her off a bit and she thinks he doesn't ever care at all because he's just forced to be in his classes to be able to play

they start talking after the first week of classes when gabe's actively doing another class's work

emma actively laughs out loud when she sees him trying to do economics

"something funny?"

she shakes her head and thus starts their mini whispering argument about economics

eventually that leads to gabe asking for her number to get help later on since emma claims she's so good at econ

after a few tutoring sessions emma realizes she might've been wrong about gabe all along

the two become close fairly quickly and he convinces her to come to one of his games that weekend

she starts learning a lot about hockey from gabe whenever he'd start rambling on about it during their tutoring sessions

finally after a month of tutoring gabe decides to ask her out on a date once the boys convince him she'd say yes

she agrees!

they go out to a fancy dinner where they're both pretty nervous it goes super well & gabe kisses her before dropping her off at her dorm

they start dating a week after!

→ emma grace:

emma grace cooper

she's a twin! her brother, tyler, also goes to bc and he swims

her and her brother are super close and always have been hence why they went to the same college together

her birthday is june 15th, 2005!

she's the top of her class & is always at the library trying to get her work done

4.0 slay

she's also fairly fluent in french so her and gabe enjoy talking back and forth in french around his friends so they don't know what they're taking about

enjoys swimming like her brother and sometimes does laps with him during free swim on the weekends

doesn't know a lot about hockey, but she enjoys learning more from gabe

starts falling in love with going to the games and starts showing up early to be at the front of the glass to see everything better

always has her nose in a book & rants to gabe about what happens in each of them

gabe quite literally towers over her since she isn't that tall, but she likes that he's taller than her

wears a lot of neutral/cool tone colors

a bit of an extroverted introvert so once you get to know her she becomes super talkative and can never shut up

talks gabe's ear off a lot when they're hanging out

makes gabe go to the library with her a lot and half the time he isn't even studying and just staring at her instead of

enjoys calling gabe dorky in an endearing way and he secretly loves it

→ gabe perreault:

younger brother to jacob, jeremy, and liliane perreault

he's fairly close with all of his siblings

mostly goes to lili when he needs relationship advice since he knows his brothers would just chirp at him

birthday is may 7th, 2005!

he's been playing hockey since he could walk since his dad is a famous professional ice hockey player & all of his siblings are hockey players as well

he's now a forward at boston college and was drafted 23rd overall by the new york rangers

he's best friends with his roommate, will smith

he's instantly attracted to emma when he first meets her and they sit together in class

he's actually super smart and only acts dumb sometimes because somehow he's got in his brain that athletes can't be smart at the same time

emma definitely changes that perspective for him

was super super nervous when he first asked her out

he's more of an introvert so him and emma balance well because they can both agree staying in is better than going out

loves listening to emma ramble on about what book she's currently reading and even starts reading them too!

when she goes to his game for the first time he almost combusts when he sees her in the sweatshirt he lent her for it

emma most definitely tries to give his style more variety so it isn't just sweats and sweatshirts all the time

the guys start chirping at him a lot when they find out he likes emma

can get a little possessive and jealous sometimes what emma says goes "walk him like a dog"

his siblings love her when they first meet emma

he enjoys calling emma "pretty girl" or "emmers" or "em"

→ quick author's note:

hii!! a little break in the 700 celly requests to introduce my newest au i've been saying for months i'd do!! i absolutely adore gabe and this au idea was actually sent in by anon in my inbox, so whoever you are thank you so much for the idea i love it!! i can't wait to develop their story more, so please send some requests in for emma and gabe too!!

[nebulastarss]

What is a draft?

I wrote something and I was ok with it but then I thought of a better way to start it, so I cut the first paragraph in half and changed the beginning. Does that make it a different draft? I added more to the middle, I fixed some wording at the end, does that make it a different story?

I wrote down something and then I changed and edited it but in the end nothing was big or substantial, is this a boat of Alexandria situation? When is it considered a different draft? Do you have to rewrite the entire story in order to count it as a new draft? Do people out there actually waste their time throwing something away only to end up with something that's practically the same?

When knitting, you can undo it until the stitches look neat as many times as you want and those are all clearly different tries, is it the same for writing? Is every little edit a fundamental shift? Does every little word choice spell out something important, like "he sighed before kneeling" vs "he knelt, sighing" or is that to little of a change?

If I write something silly that won't be going into the final product, that will never be seen, that will eventually be deleted, is that a draft? Or is that just word vomit, an idea, a mess to be erased?

How do you define a 'rough' draft? How is it different from an outline or an idea? What makes is worse, aren't you just writing? Why are rough drafts considered worse when it's still you writing something, anything, down? If you never edit something before releasing it into the world, are you publishing your first draft or is it now considered finished? Whose to say anything is ever finished? I can keep erasing lines on paper or coloring in a sketch darker every time, I can keep waffling back and forth on word choice, I can keep undoing my stitches on my knitting, even when it seems perfect.

What is a draft?

[letterstoear]

omg IKEVIL PLUSHIES in the works???? 😭 ilysm I can’t wait to grip a little elbie harry and alfons in my grubby little hands

Yes Anon!!! I've been holding off on answering this for so long because I wanted to answer only when I could unleash them to the whole world!!

You can purchase them here: Shop — Letters to Ear (squarespace.com)

And because I'm extra, I thought I would do a deep dive into how I made each plush. It was a tough job for me if I do say. Especially you Jude!!!!! Ahem, shall we begin dear anon?

*Long post incoming*

Let's start with the very beginning. I'm not gonna lie, but I absolutely adore Ring. When I saw him, my heart just knew he was the character I was going to simp for till the end of time. So, it honestly started off with him.

However, Ring you know has a brother named Nica. He unfortunately was, um, horrible at first. Even now I've haven't gone back to fix him because I can't help but laugh when I see him.

Nica I'm so sorry.

Moving on, I decided to try my hand at Elbert and Harry since I was so confident I couldn't screw up with those two. Little did I know what would become of me.

As you can see above me, here are the draft plushies. The only ones to come out safe was Elbert and Harrison. Well, actually I struggled forever to find the perfect felt color to use for Harrison. I ended up going with a seller on Etsy who hand dyes wool felt. The hair color is called cappuccino.

Even so, it's not a perfect match which ticks me off when I look at his plush. Also, there's something about the eyes that bother me. It's like his plush looks washed out. I'm sure it's because the eyes are too pale. I might actually change them soon.

HoWEVer Elbert looks so adorable!!!!! Except he also at the same time kinda sorta mAYBe looks like Lancelot from the game Ikemen Revolution.

What can I say, I like my blondes depressed

Now we move onto the real troublemaker duo. Alfons and Jude. I ended up changing Alfons design a lot as well as Jude. However, after going to the barber shop, he looks perfectly fine now. You can see his before in the photo above. This is his after look:

Isn't he much cuter??? He really needed that swoosh hair thingy.

For Jude, I shifted his hair around and added his black streak of hair. Before is on the left and the after is on the right. Sad to say, but I'm not satisfied with how he looks. I just can't pinpoint where I went wrong though. That's not to say I think he doesn't deserve a chance at the spotlight though.

When I was making Jude's hair, I chose to go with two different shades of grey instead of white and black. The white and black was too strong of a contrast to my liking. I wanted there to be more a blend. I also wasn't sure what hair color Jude has. I think it's light grey??

Through my many trials and tribulations, I have cultivated plush designs I've come to be satisfied with. It was a good challenge for me.

A side note from me, but I was going to add Ellis in this set too. Yet, I went back and forth between hair colors for Ellis. I think it's dark purple. Anyway, I'm still on the search for a hair color to match Ellis. Which one do you think it is?

This marks the end of my long post; I hope you enjoyed this!

[fountainpenguin]

hiii new reader here! I'm loving your neighborhood watch au :) I have a question though, what's up with all the hidden fics if you don't mind answering?

Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it! I'm hoping to post more for that AU during 2025; working on the buffer this winter :) Next up should be "Goodchild Oscar," which I started a long time ago and have been itching to share. I love NW AU so much...

And good question! My hidden fics are in an unrevealed collection called Riddle WIPs:

Hidden works are my drafts, but in a way that prevents them from being auto-deleted by AO3 after 30 days (i.e. the way AO3's actual draft feature does).

Keeping my works in this unrevealed collection lets me see everything, organize everything, link them to other works, prep my tags in advance, and do my color-coding HTML in advance (for works that use the green/yellow/red name system for life colors). Multi-chapter works also get their spoiler dropdown boxes in advance too.

This is a lifesaver when working with series. I have my works in multiple series, and every time you add one of those (or an inspired work), you have to save/post to refresh the page before you can add another. People who subscribe to a series (as opposed to the story or author) get the notification after a work is posted. I like to make sure my work has all the series attached to it upfront, not just one. It's nice to feel like I have plenty of time to do everything I want for prep purposes without stressing about a 30-day timer.

In short, it's a LOT easier to stick to a weekly upload schedule if all the work on the AO3 side is done in advance and all I need to do is slap the chapter in and post. Here's a draft I prepped last night, for instance:

/slaps his little head - This work can fit SO much body text when I'm done.

On posting night, all I have to do is add the text, change the update date to the day I post, remove it from the unrevealed collection, and presto! People subscribed to any of those series (or to me as an author) get the notifications :) Huge time-saver that lets me keep my regular update schedule.

If you check that publish date, you can see I actually made this draft in April. I just did the tags and cover art for it last night, as I'd like to get this work posted very soon. It takes me a while to get around to each individual project, but at least I always know where to find them and I can do the parts I have energy for when I have free time.

I just made a spreadsheet this week that links all my docs and AO3 works, so I am living large...

Another reason I do this is because I often have limited Internet access, but I do have offline access to my writing docs. I have a lot of back-and-forth time on the road, and sometimes I finish my writing when I'm away from home. It's so nice to prep the AO3 side in advance while I have a stable Internet connection and mouse instead of doing all that on the trackpad.

[cnt'd - Long post]

Back when I started doing this with hidden works, it was mostly because AO3 had a bug where every time you rearranged a series, you had to manually edit every single work that came after it if you wanted the Previous and Next links to work properly.

And I did. Every time I posted. Because that's how I am. I write a series titled 130 Reasons Why I'm Fairy Trash, which used to be arranged chronologically before I went through and changed them to recommended reading order, and there are 130 one-shots in it. I have tasted so much pain...

In other words, the series feature was great for people posting new works that come "next" in the series, but it wasn't working well for people who like to rearrange the order when they post something new. Ex: I have both the Pixels Imperfect and Neighborhood Watch series in chronological order. Using the unrevealed works, I took the time to arrange all the hidden works in advance so that the timeline was properly arranged regardless of what order I submitted fics in. This way, I only had to dedicate a couple days to getting all my current WIPs prepped and arranged, with the hope being that my links would work properly for a long time before I wrote a new work and had to find a place for it. I have never written a series chronologically in my life and I think it would kill my motivation if I forced myself to do that, honestly.

I'm pretty sure this rearrangement bug was there since I joined AO3 in 2018. Guess what they fixed while I was in the middle of adding all my drafts and arranging them all :'D

This is the best bug fix ever; my crops are watered daily and my skin is clean. I live in constant fear this bug will return and I will once again be relegated to spending hours of an evening painstakingly updating every work that comes later in a series... instead of the 2 seconds it takes to place a work now.

Bonus reason why I like the hidden work feature: I have thousands of documents after my 13+ years of posting fanfics and writing original works, many of which are no longer as up-to-date as posted versions that received minor revisions over the years (like spelling fixes).

It's super nice to have a place on AO3 to keep backups where I can easily find them and not mix them up with my outdated files (which I should clean out, but hesitate to do so because it would take me days).

I do have downloaded backups of all my works as well (Bless FicLab). Went through and did a sweep last month! I will not lose over a decade of my life... I bought a flash drive necklace to slap them on, so they will literally have to pry this stuff from my cold, dead hands.

FFN went down for a week earlier this year and I had a few works that were exclusively on FFN, not yet on AO3, so I was very quick to slap those into my WIPs collection as soon as I could, haha... One of those is 30k words. Yep. Not losing that.

I really wish AO3 would let people use Previous and Next to navigate through a hidden work because it's very obnoxious for me and others who want to click through the series and then we slam into a hidden work, but c'est la vie.

I fear the bug's return with my life, and for this, everyone must click extra times to navigate around the wall.

Fun bonus screenshots of what I see on my end even though these works are hidden for you guys:

Pixels Imperfect #2, baby! ... The first wall you hit if you're trying to read the series by clicking "Next," haha... Oh no.

And some Neighborhood Watch:

The story beats are there! I'm just not yet... but it's a much bigger decision to drop a WIP if you're already "halfway there" because you've got the prep work done. Some people may not want to put that "pressure" on themselves, but I don't mind it. I like seeing the works yet to come so they remind me of how excited I am to get there. They just seem so close...

I'm easing into a hiatus from posting fanfics this winter so I can build my 'fic buffers and post a few one-shots I've had sitting around. Fingers crossed that 2025 will have a lot of NW content. I'm very excited for it and I'm glad you're looking forward to it too!

-> I am so glad NW is only the first 5 Life seasons in the same timeline, because if I had to work Wild Life's mechanics into the worldbuilding, that would be a rough one...

My late-2025 is set up to be extremely busy IRL and the next couple years are sure to be as well, so I'm putting my all into prepping buffers right now. This'll be a lifesaver for me down the road.

[callme-whatever-youlike]

I broke down a small scene from ep4 (Don't quote me on this. I'm drafting this at 3 am) for a friend, and they said I should share it on here. I'm shy about my observations, so I'm doing so reluctantly. Anyway, here's the little breakdown thing – spoiler free.

Right, so the lighting in the Imperial palace is super diverse. Dark, bright, cold and warm, it has it all. The Cleons' colors are various shades of blue, ranging from the near grey scale turquoise seen on Dawn majority of the time to this almost lapus lazuli shade on Day which is a super dark yet rich color which contrasts very nicely with the golds and warm lighting in the room. Naturally, I'm focusing on Day during this because he's the primary focus I can bring attention to without spoiling any of the plot.

I also want to point out how the lapus color brings out the darkest shades in Lee's eyes. It's really insane what color can do when it comes to tone and appearance, and the Foundation team knows this. You can see the greyish turquoise color I mentioned on Dawn in the back. The area around the thrones is shadowed, which creates a primarily cold, almost ominous feel whenever we see any of them seated there, but at the early and mid hours of the day this room just lights up and the entire feel changes. In this scene, it seems like it's late afternoon, which brings lots of dynamic to the lighting.

Just like that, the whole feel changes. Another beautiful contrast is that despite the feeling of warmth brought about by the cinematography, the tone of the scene is cold and sharp, which one can also infer via Lee's body language. He's a fantastic actor to watch.

Huge shift in nature here.

Lovely dynamic camera work. There's a back and forth going on, an aggressive push and pull to see who's really in control in this situation. Day barks at this point. Pretty much telling the character he's at odds with to fight him if that's what they so desperately want to do. The character holds their ground, and we get more of that push and pull in dialog and demeanor. Who's fighting who? Who's got the upper hand? Who's really yielding to the other? Also, keep an eye on the lighting.

This isn't anger. This is assertiveness. Day tells the character to guess what answer he's searching for. He makes them question his goal and his motives. Now, look at his eyes. The light has changed them entirely. They're no longer a color akin to the dephs of the ocean. They're bright and steely.

Reins it in, yet doubles down, his gaze unwavering and that authority he conveys even stronger now that it's composed.

He got what he wanted. That smirk is so suble. It hardly draws his lips up enough to complete the expression, but it reaches his eyes. I actually slowed this down by a frame just to point that out.

Magnificent scene with incredible actors and beautiful cinematography that conveys conflict nonverbally.

Proof that danger still lurks in daylight.

[homestuckreplay]

> WV: Invent Canscription.

(page 718-721)

If you journeyed into a mysterious bunker, and then found from a cryptic and powerful computer that in four hours and thirteen minutes a mysterious fate would befall you and/or the place you’re hiding out, what would you do? Would you leave immediately, for self preservation? Or would you make the most of every minute you have to stay out of the desert sun, drink a bunch of free soda and play pretend games?

WV has the right idea. They’ve even invented a few new cans for themself (p.719) – pickles, bamboo shoots, radishes, seaweed, artichokes, and a hat, which is definitely an empty can on some sort of base. I think it’d be really cute if HAT was part of a longer word on the can, similar to how WV turned MAYO into MAYOR, but the best I can come up with is CHATEAUBRIAND, and I honestly don’t see WV as a fancy steak kind of person.

Today’s page is a short but very fast paced animation of the Wayward Vagabond completely losing track of time, playing chess against themself and winning, interspersed with flights of fancy about Can Stuff. It’s good. They’re still guzzling cans of Tab, probably becoming more and more caffeinated, which accounts for the fast pace and the jaunty ‘Vagabounce’ theme. However, it’s much harder to notice everything that’s happening when the images flash by so fast, even on multiple watches – I had to take screencaps to really get some of the details. And I’m glad I did because the moment when a can of Tab goes ‘vroom’ as it rides down Can Blvd is a delight.

What I really want to do is slow this down to ¼ speed, write down all the moves WV makes, and figure out if they’re actually good at chess. I’ll probably do this later in the week – if chess is synonymous with war in Homestuck, then figuring out WV’s skill level at chess could hint at how much combat training they have and what their role in the war might have been.

WV’s part of the story is absolute tonal whiplash. Homestuck is this in general, but it feels more blatant with WV. On page 711 the narrator says, ‘It's not like emptying a can kills it or anything. They are just cans after all.’ as part of a beautiful statement of the radical inclusivity of Can Town, an idyllic place ‘based on mutual respect between the leader and its people’ where ‘everyone is friendly and happy’ (p.686). And then on page 720, the residential and commercial zones for up and coming young cans become an army training ground as all cans are forcibly drafted into the military by their ostensibly democratic leader, engaging in what feels more like a civil war than a training exercise since there’s really nothing to defend against.

My theory, right now, is that WV is trying to overcome their programming. As a Sburb NPC, ideas like seeing the chessboard as the only logical pattern, believing that a community will always militarize, and the forces of darkness winning an eventual conflict, are all literally coded into WV’s design. The whimsy, the imagination, the love of a color that isn’t black or white, the interest in democracy, are unique to WV and are signs of a real consciousness. The sudden shifts in their focus and in the tone of these pages represent the shifts back and forth between these states of mind. The firefly encased in amber, which WV seems to have become attached to, represents who they want to become – its golden glow echoes the luminous planet, where they’d like to be, instead of the ominous planet they’re trying to escape.

Also ‘free up all the canpower’ and ‘your forces will be a well oiled machine’ (p.720) are both excellent puns. Yeah those cans are well oiled alright.

[sluttyhollow]

I don’t write for UA students but Bakugo and me are the same person and we’d be best friends if I was at UA 😂. I was listening to Bakugo by KVMIL and it just had me thinking about Bakugo x black american bestfriend reader (this has been sitting in my drafts forever lol might as well let it go)

No warnings, just two foreign besties with bad attitudes and terrible language (purely platonic)

Katsuki definitely speaks English, he’s a rich kid, and his parents traveled to the states a lot for work and they used to takes him in the summer. He just refuses to speak English because he thinks it sounds stupid.

The back and forth trips are how he ended up meeting you in the first place the summer between first and second grade. Your parents were working on a collaborative design line focusing on mixing Japanese and African American street fashion styles

Neither of you liked each other. He was loud and you thought his red eyes were creepy. He thought you were a loser and hated the noise your hair made when you walked (it was the beads, he thinks they look “cool or whatever” now though) you guys actually ended up fighting, Mitsuki thought it was funny because Katsuki lost (he started it) she bought you ice cream for winning.

After that day you guys came to an agreement to not speak to each other but by day 3 of vacation you were sharing games and sending each other colored screens on your DSIs. You guys did argue everyday of that summer though, and every day of every summer you spent together until middle school when he started staying in Japan to train.

Fast forward to high school and you still text each other. He’s at UA and you’re at a well known hero school in the states. Both of you are loud mouths with quirks worthy of helping saving lives (yours a quirk reversal/theft quirk that allowed you to reverse a persons quirk or utilize their abilities for a certain amount of time, like toga and all for one mixed).

Let’s just say your school has a sports festival similar to UAs that’s also televised and streamed nationally and internationally which prompts Miruko to want you intern abroad with her. Of course you accept and your school works with UA to get you into a transfer program thus starting your 1 year stent at UA. Now for fun’s sake you didn’t tell Katsuki you were coming to UA so imagine his surprise when all the rest of 1A is talking about some American transfer student and he walks into the common room and sees you sitting there.

“What. What the fuck are you doing here you fucking loser” the rest of 1A is shook, they know he’s an ass but they didn’t think he’d just be mean to new student. Just when they get ready to intervene you respond to him with a “you know you’re happy to see me fucker it’s been like 3 years” and the rest of the class is just like wtf is going on here. Y’all of course explain that you knew each other and that you’re besties. Deku being the only one not surprised considering you’d met him once before.

From then on you too go back into your old ways from childhood but with added addition of training. When you’re not busy with Miruko and him with Jeanist y’all go back to the Bakugo house and eat dinner with Mitsuki and Masaru.

You make him apologize to deku (long before canon) when he tells you what happened during middle school and how the first half of the semester had been. You beat his ass and told him to get over himself (he knew you were right).

You and Deku going feral when he gets hurt, LOV attacks and the three of you have to be put on house arrest by Iida cause y’all get too emotional over one another

Forcing him to class 1A gatherings. Neither of you wanna go but Mina saw you two getting ready to disappear after dinner and dragged y’all to movie night

Katsuki likes American food. Spice levels are just a little higher, flavors are a little more intense than typical Japanese food. You can cook a little bit and help him make American style dinners for everybody sometimes

People think you guys are partners cause of how relaxed you two are around each other but he’s like your brother and you would kiss m*neta before Katsuki

Yeah just two foreign besties (your American friends thought you were lying about your best friend living in Japan all through middle school, they didn’t realize you were serious until you moved and FaceTimed them with Katsuki in the camera)

[babyinatrenchcoat]

Coming Out - Sister Winchester

Sooo this has been sitting in my drafts since 2017… apparently I came up with the idea in choir class my senior year 😅 I pretty much abandoned my account for like six years, but I’ve been revisiting it the last few days and thought I might as well finish this for shits and gigs.

Also, it turned out a bit more lengthy than I had originally anticipated… I don’t have a word count, I’m sorry

Descrpition: Coming out as gay/lesbian (whichever you prefer to say) to your older brothers.

Characters: Sam, Dean, Sister!reader, Charlie (mentioned)

Warnings: LGBTQ+ (if any of you need that as a warning), strong language (one word, said once)

~~~~~

Today is the day. The inevitability of this day gave you nightmares. The day you’d finally tell your brother’s the truth. You’re certain they both support it. They're fine with Charlie, after all. But that doesn't calm your nerves. The three of you found out pretty close to immediately upon meeting her. But you? Sam and Dean have known you your whole life. This will be so much different.

You pace back and forth in the bunker library, slowly boring a hole into the floor. Your thumb nail quickly becomes raw from your teeth as you run over what you plan to say in your head. This is the most nerve racking thing you’ve ever done. Ever had to do. Because this has to be done. They have to know the truth. It's the only way you can be your whole self around your family.

Not that you’re ashamed. No, it’s more that you’ve never actually said the words out loud. You’ve known about yourself for a very long time, but saying it aloud makes it real. These are different times. You know you have nothing to be ashamed of. Even still, your heart pounds in your throat.

The door starts to open, causing you to stop in your tracks and stare up at it. The color drains from your face, and your heart rate quickens, as if it was possible. Sam and Dean step inside, and you swear you can hear the rapid thumping of your heartbeat in you ears. Your brothers walk down the stairs and into the library where you stand chewing your nail with a terrified look on your face. They notice.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” The eldest brother asks.

“Did something happen?” Sam adds.

You take a deep breath. “Can you guys just sit down please?” The brothers exchange a confused glance before obeying.

“What's going on?” Sam asks as he pulls up his chair.

You run your hands through your hair and begin pacing again. Where do you begin? “Okay, so... I've been wanting to tell you guys this for a while now, but... I dunno, I've been scared, and I haven't really know how to do it, and-” Dean cuts off your rambling.

“Y/n,” he says, bringing your pacing to a halt. “You’re scaring me, kid, calm down. Breathe.” You obey. “Now tell us what's up. You didn't free the Leviathins again or anything, did you?”

You chuckle slightly. “No.”

“Then I don't think there's anything you could do that would be much worse,” he continues, adding a smile. “Talk to us, little sis.”

You try to rethink your approach, but come up dry. Finally, you become impatient with yourself and decide to just spill your guts. “Alright, I'm just gonna say it. But please, please promise that you won't hate me.”

“We could never hate you!” Sam immediately says.

The genuineness in his hazel eyes calms your nerves just a little. But only a little. You still have to force down the golf ball sized lump in your throat. You close your eyes and take another deep breath. Keeping your eyes shut, you finally let it out.

“I’m gay.”

And there it is. It’s out. You’re out. The reality of the words you just said sets in. You’ve never said those words out loud. The pit in your stomach tightens, and you have to hold your breath to keep from crying. Your nerves are still shot, but you also feel free. You’re out! There’s no taking it back now.

You keep your eyes pressed shut for a moment, afraid to see a disappointed look on your brothers’ faces. Finally, you convince yourself to pry one eye open, the curiosity of their reactions becoming overbearing.

Your brothers look at each other, then back at you. An identical smirk spreads across both pairs of lips.

What the hell is that?

Your other eye shoots open and you glare at them, waiting for something, anything, to come out of their mouths. “Well say something!” You practically shout. Dean fails to stifles a chuckle, while Sam allows his smile to spread further. “Why are you laughing?!”

“Y/n,” Same begins. “We know.”

Your whole world shatters, then the pieces come back together in an entirely new arrangement in a split second. The only word you can muster is “What?”

Dean clears his throat and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Do you remember when you told us about your first kiss?”

How could you forget? “Uh, I seem to remember the two of you pestering the shit out of me until I told you.”

You had made the mistake of coming back to the motel you temporarily called home still blushing profusely. You tried like hell to suppress the crimson color of your burning cheeks, to no avail. “What’s his name?” Your eldest brother had immediately said. How were you supposed to react to his use of the word ‘his’?

Dean snickers about the memory now. “Right,” he agrees. “Anyway, you told us the kid’s name was Alex.”

Where is he going with this? It’s not like you lied. You just chose to leave out the fact that Alex wasn’t a boy. “Yeah?”

Dean pauses for a moment as if to give you a chance to catch up. You respond by simply raising your brows, silently asking him to continue. He looks to Sam for help.

“There wasn’t a single boy named Alex in your school,” Sam says.

Oh.

Heat rises to your entire face. At the time, you hadn’t considered that possibility.

“There was, however, an Alexandra in your grade,” Dean adds. He lifts one eyebrow at you.

You cover the embarrassment on your face with your hands. You’ve been so worried to tell them something that they already knew. Since your were 15, you’ve been trying to keep a cat in a bag that had a giant hole in the bottom. A laugh pushes itself from your stomach, and you drop your hands.

“I should’ve known you guys would try to find the guy,” you say.

Sam scrunches his eyebrows, keeping the smile spread across his face. “Well, yeah,” he sasses.

“Did you honestly think that we would find out that some horny teenage boy was mackin’ on our kid sister and not try to find out who he was?” Dean says.

You toss your palms up in surrender. “Like I said, I should’ve known,” you smile. “You broke into the school, didn’t you?”

“Of course,” Sam casually says with a quick shrug. All you can do is shake your head. A short moment of silence later, Sam rises to his feet and holds out his arms. “C’mere,” he says, gesturing you towards the space between his arms.

In the time it takes you to walk to him, Dean stands as well, holding one arm open to you. You reach the two of them and collapse into the embrace of the group hug. The weight of a thousand worlds lifts off your shoulders and is replaced by comfort. Comfort you only ever feel from your brothers.

You squeeze your arms around them just a bit tighter. “You guys are the best big brothers a girl could ask for.”

Dean squeezes back and plants a kiss on the top of your head. “You mean the world to us, Y/n, you know that.”

You nuzzle yourself further into your brothers’ arms. The last ten minutes replays in your mind, and you can’t help but giggle. “I can’t believe you guys have known this whole time.”

“Of course we knew,” Sam’s voice sounds from above you. “And even if we hadn’t found out then, you’re not exactly discreet about checking out bartenders and waitresses.”

The only defense you can think of is a slap on his chest. The action sends the two men away from you in a laughing fit.

“I am so!”

“You are so not,” Dean says between chuckles.

After the three of you recover from your laughter, you just stare at them for a moment. You’ve been worried for nothing. These two dorks would do anything for you. There’s nothing in the universe that would make them think any less of you.

“I love you guys,” you say.

Dean reaches over and tousles your hair. “We love you too, kiddo.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Let me know if you guys want the story of the boys finding out about Alexandra, cause I would LOVE to write that in detail.

[visiblenostalgia]

Saturn-Neptune Downloads:

^ Credit to zva on Pinterest.

So, here's what was the big winner in that poll from a while ago. The next few topics will only come out in succession so that's just FYI.

Note: there's gonna be another poll at some point into regards of what's in my drafts and y'all will pick which one gets released. For now, we'll focus on the poll we recently finished at hand.

NEXT UP:

-> Texas Delineation (That's gonna be fun)

-> Florida Delineation (this one just came to mind, I have yet to figure out what's to come soon with this one)

-> RFK Jr Delineation (alert: TEEEAAAAAAAA)

Now with that out of the way, more under the cut. THERE'S A SHIT TON so when I meant 'Garden Variety', I meant it. LMAO. Have fun and stay blessed y'all.

due to the nature of Pluto in Aquarius (and Uranus by rulership/proxy), there's gonna be an air of "building your own network", so and so forth.

🔹 so don’t be surprised about delving into these few things or at least acquiring them:

A NAS server

! there's plenty of videos on the internet about how to set one up and what it takes.

Old “outdated” technology

Pinterest is a good place to take a gander but do your research.

Skills to protect yourself against viruses* (digital and literal)

Endless satisfaction and relief comes from this if you keep learning about it.

Oh yeah, everything is also gonna hafta be built up from the ground. Neptune has done enough to cause irreplaceable damages to systematic corrosion/corruption. Saturn compiling on trying to “set the record straight” with Pisces and ultimately falling short too of that. Due to 29° being where Neptune is, the Arean heart of fire can be felt hammering from beyond, so it makes sense why everyone is so fucking scared to show who they truly are. Because either way, whatever you like, it’s gonna be scrutinized. War is scrutiny anyways on such a large level. So why not put on the helmet and scream FUCK IT, let’s do it!

Im also getting "only way to find out is to knock it out". Hell, "knock 'em dead sister" came through. (Me and the spirits have a lot of fun over here haha)

Bad faith perspectives and bad actors are gonna primarily get the brunt of that flame (those that own up to their bad faith and change are gonna have saintlike qualities. But have the level headedness of a modern layperson. Humility.) One of the prime examples I’m channeling? Dr Disrespect in all actuality. He recognized he screwed up! We’re so quick to fall into seeing the words “p-phile” and so n’ so forth that we lose sight of their acknowledgement of their horrible mistakes.

The color red is prominent of course. So wearing/branding with red colors during these next 14 years is gonna be peak. Bold contrast too. Indie/VSCO was prominent with Pisces in Bold colors. Aries in Bold colors is more Brutalist-like/Korn/Mudvayne.

In terms of aesthetics with Pluto in Aqua combined with Neptune in Aries, im getting Tony Hawk pro-skater on the Xbox. Not to mention jackass and post-grunge revival. Creed even?

Another thing about the cusp between both "paradigms" is that with the current retrograde going on (and with saturn/neptune only being ten degrees apart of each other), its much akin to a small reprave in energies. Its letting up a little just to allow some space to breathe before another 'big crunch'.

A few of my friends irl suggest that these are akin to 'labor pains' in childbirth. Those contractions getting shorter and shorter apart in time length. If there's anything I can link between that to this by way of the planetary movements, this is more of a quicker effect of Pluto's energies. If Pluto is already at the beginning degrees of Aquarius, then this transit also enhances those 'contractions' into a new astrological (and societal) dynamic.

These labor similarities are exquisitely funny. I just heard, "you certainly can't slow down now; stop clenching and start pushing; spread your feet apart so the head can get through".

On point of that last sentence, Pisces rules the feet while Aries rules the head. So if there's one thing, we're gonna be charging forth reaaaaaalllllll soon. This retrograde period is merely a small break in between 'contractions', so once these two go direct, take a breath and hold on. We're going to be sprinting for the starting line.

The unconscious collective is starting to run out of room for our faith to stay. And a lot of that is negative/bad faith, so it's about time that it starts to show up/get out of the system.

I'm also interested in seeing what continues with the internet. I still sense something related to a return/transformation to the old web in a sense. FOR AI BTW: (which on a small tangent: I asked IF the AI bubble will pop, the sun came through -- HARD YES -- then I pulled two more (for how it'll turn out) and evidently shuffled to get the seven of cups added with five of pentacles not that long after -- evidently, the ai bubble is gonna leave tech bros broke as fuck whining for money (and these only apply to money hungry corpos btw, in terms of people I have a gut feeling that if regular joe peeps (or rich peeps willing to be legitimately generous to the masses) made ai, everything is gonna be for the most part chill), so after the bubble pops, expect more scams/distrust with big tech to come through like crazy. On what courses of action will lead to the pop, we have ace of wands reversed, two of pentacles reversed and page of swords -- first thing to come to mind is a bunch of mismanagement on both the innovative field and creative field. Not to mention the financial turnout is also gonna be affected big time. Page of swords does suggest people that aren't initially viable to the field will be the proprietors in this. But I have a feeling that with time they'll master the craft better and AI will ultimately be properly regulated under a small, small fraction of government that doesn't have total control neither. I know, big stretch but I have faith.)

But back on topic for web 3.0, there's talks (and promises?) that Patreon of all things will ultimately lead to this new branch of internet.

Here's more on that Patreon-leading-3.0:

And if there's anything I'd know, is that Neptune is the internet's dominant planet from my calculations back in my data post on the internet's astrology. So once Neptune goes into Aries, expect how Aries naturally exists to be the main way people interact on the internet. Emotionally? Direct and honest. Speech? Quick and candid. Action style? Strong and assertive. But is passive aggressiveness tied to this? Yes, but it's gonna be looked at in a way where it embodies 'bro wtf are you yapping about?' because Aries knows when someone is delulu. It points it out and cusses you out. Thought the internet rage was bad before? NOW it has PURPOSE. Yet, I see same can't be said for the opposite. What is gonna be hard is distinguishing if that person really has a full reason to be angry. So now receipts are gonna be pulled on people who are always pissy. It'll instead be "bro you're more caring about THIS. why are you so focused on THIS?" and not "you're x, y, z???? FUCK YOU."

Now with Neptune ruling the arts and entertainment, and Aries being indie-pendant ..... ifyoucaughtmydriftimproudofyouhaha-- but YEAH, more from 'ground-up' groups might be the way to go. Decentralized (Pluto in Aqua) systems, establishments and groups in the arts will be commonplace if not fully accepted into the work force as a viable career. It'll continue to fight for itself, and I have no doubt it'll be recognized in the future, but good lord y'all. It'll be pretty sweet to see something like that. SUPPORT SMALL BUSINESSES Y'ALL

Let your creativity shine people. After all the sun is exalted in Aries. And the sun (with its chromosphere -- all colors) is defined by its ruling fifth house; the place where your creativity shines. So, sun conjunct Neptune in Aries transits fixing to be pretty wild. Maybe those become release dates for something? We may never know.

Songs I've channeled (or kept in rotation cause the 'pangs' of the ingress are imminent):

"The [two] Fish are tethered together in the sky. One wants to go on land to evolve (and ultimately heal) to become The Ram, while the other wants to go on and live in the shallow waters. The two will ultimately separate and find their group." -- Another channeled message

Yeah, Neptune in Aries is lookin' like a lot of fun ahead of where we're at now.

I would have more but that's what I got so far.... no more downloads for a while.

[podfeels]

Podfeels Adapt8ion Notes: Episode 3

hello, dare again! just as a reminder for how these posts work, stagelights will be covering the notes as a whole, and if i ever have to pitch in it will be with purple text like this! with that said, lets get back into it!

this episode had a good chunk of rewrites just because there's a ton of visual gags that simply do not scan in audio format. there was a good chunk of back and forth on a bunch of lines.

this bit of dialogue had a minor change, as the ‘question mark’ line kind of felt weird in audio. i think it probably could have still worked, but we decided to replace it to make it a call forward to a line later in the text, where vriska says the “prompting for a response” thing instead. for some reason the text in the video version was changed to a winky face instead of a normal smiley? i dont know who made that change or why but its so minor i dont even really care lol. it was made into a wink because we felt it fit the tone better! the original smile was kind of oblique, just ignoring june's question. but with the scene in general, and especially with our rewrites and our vriska's performance, a taunting wink felt far more fitting than the flat smile.

more emoji replacement. fairly simple

another text gag changed because it didnt work in audio. also the question marks were changed to exclamation marks in the text because i thought it fit the delivery of the actual line slightly better. 

theres nothing new to say about this that hasn’t already been said a bunch. moving on.

this line was a major sticking point. it’s a visual gag that we can’t just cut, because this gag is directly related to why june picks the name that she does. so we had to do *something*. we had a bunch of different rewrites on this.

we ended up going with the second one of these, as you can tell

there was also some deliberation on how long the actual “very long june” should be when said out loud. i thought the initial take we had was way too short, and i was mostly thinking back to the voxus dubs take of this specific line, but if we just took that delivery and slapped it here it would have felt *too* long because the context behind the lines is completely different. i think we ended having it be about 6 seconds long, which was perfect.

the immediate next line was also a bit of a bitch.

these were some of the rewrites suggested.

ended up going with the second one, which surprisingly isn’t *that* different from how it was in the original text. this is because ultimately we decided that our edits were all... overegging the pudding a bit. we ended up going with one close to the original in writing, but specifically directing our vriska to perform it as if she was lying through her teeth. lying about xenobabble she doesnt know (either because she's vriska and hiding a mistake like vriska does, or because she's Not Quite Vriska and making up exomemories on the fly to justify herself, who is to say) and brushing it off, with a couple added lines to show she's forcing it to be dropped through force of will and rudeness. god i love that spiderbitch.

this line was changed to be a call forward to this bit in a later chapter, which i didn’t even notice until listening back to some of the early drafts of episode 7 (coming soon™)

this was actually to try and solidify a bit of consistency between John and June. we've sprinkled some quotes from each other into the other's dialogue to make them seem a bit more like each other. (i use John and June like this for godfeels reasons to be clear, because June isn't quite John, and John isn't quite Dare, so there's no good way of going about it so I just use John. personal taste.)

some emoticons removed

some fairly minor narration changes for pacing

bunch of emoji replacements

this part is pretty fun. vriskas voice becomes jades and johns matching the text color, which fits whats being said in the narration. stuff like this is a huge part of why i love working on podfeels.

nother emoticon replacement

this is a very minor text change, literally because john’s va said the line slightly differently and i edited the script to match whats being said

 this bit of narration was cut for pacing

replacing the description of “bawl so hard it feels like dying” with audio of john crying, with dialogue of vriska being comforting. not just comforting, but Encouraging. in the "You got this", she is in a sense instilling june with her confidence. shit may go to hell, but we'll make it work. YOU'LL make it work.

minor change, theres a text sound effect here

there was a small change in the narration to reflect an addition in sound design of tossing the phone, and the smaller text is a fun little gag

none of the text here was changed, but this is such an important moment in the story, and the decision to cast john and june separately really helps sell the same switch from second to first person, replacing the swap in text color with a swap in actor. i believe this decision was partly to sell this moment and partly as future proof for later parts of godfeels. i remember sarah saying once that she had planned for june to be played by the same actor throughout in her initial plans for podfeels, but i personally like the way we did it a lot. also, a nice coincidence in our casting is that, junes voice sounds like a perfect in between of john and vriska’s voice.

this seems like a fairly big change, but its not…really? the script formatting makes it look way more complicated than it is. mostly this is just adding dialogue for the characters approach, similar to how its described in narration in the original text.

this isn’t necessarily a change but the final “fuck” is slightly cut off as the song jumps into the credits theme. which i think is very funny. also if and when we get to godfeels 3.2, when they do the same bit again but with dare instead of june, i REALLY hope we can do this exact same cutoff gag again. but that’s getting way ahead of ourselves. :)

_____

so thats it covered! thank you to stagelights for doing the breakdowns for these episodes! check back tomorrow for episode 4's breakdown!