#do not horrible little violent BEASTS like me also deserve to exist

[rollercoasterwords]

hi! i just saw ur CR predictions and i definitely agree with a lot of them especially marlene😭😭but i’m just curious why u said u wish about james LOL

HAHAHA listen listennnnn LISTEN. just listen. u know when u make a little sculpture out of playdoh and then u smash it all up at the end into a little blob. i just think it would be fun to do that with cr james <3 i just think it would be so scrumdiddlyumptious if everyone's favorite little sun went out like a candle <3 i just love love love to see characters rip themselves apart with grief and i know regulus and sirius would never recover until the day they die <3 u people need 2 get on my level "oh i enjoy angst as long as there's a happy ending" HA. WEAK. i enjoy angst with no respite angst that fractures ur life into a million tiny pieces and spits on u and tells u to put it back together again w bleeding fingers. ohhhhgggugjfjvjv i am but a creature i need blood and guts i need to bite and kill and destroy. 2023 somebody let me off the fucking leash please oh please

[recklessly-built]

This page is basically a map of my childhood. Detailed explanation under the break for anyone interested.

Colored with Tombow dual tip markers, inked with a dip pen and microns, highlighted with various special effect watercolors, and stickers are all from art supply stores like Blick.

I spent a solid day working on this save for the sleep I needed in between stages.

tw: mentions child abuse/neglect, drugs, alcohol

Starting from the bottom right of the page, the lamb represents birth (hence the birthday cake). There's a pink bow that says 94 around it's neck, signifying me being afab. The cake has pink candles but it's frosting and decoration are purple and yellow because I'm largely nonbinary and wanted to show this by using baby colors alternative to the typical pink and blue. The axe and spilled guts are an obvious nod to the sacrificial lamb trope. I chose these displays of violence specifically to convey that my mind and body have felt irreparably damaged from the start.

Next, we have the hanged Doodle Bear. These bears were popular in the year I was born, and I always wanted one but never got one. This is basically what I would look like as one. She has a tutu and little beaded bracelets that sparkle. She would be the envy of all the other bears if her abuser hadn't written such ugly things on her... These words were weapons my mother used against me growing up. I was called ungrateful by a crackhead who constantly put me in danger and willfully abused and neglected me. I was called a spoiled brat for "not appreciating" all the toys and other shiny distractions used to keep my focus away from how deeply toxic my environment was. I was called miserable, and in fact, I really was. How could I not be... The bloody handprint is the tainted touch of my abuser. With all the violence I experienced, any time she tried to hug me set off my fight or flight and to this day I still struggle to show affection towards family and friends. I have attachment issues with romantic partners because when I'm comfortable touching them I don't wanna let go. The noose is for the time my mother tried to kill me. She tried to snuff me out with a pillow because she wanted the baby she was supposed to have with her new boyfriend instead. She resented me for existing.

The haunted womb is actually my mother. Her uterus was practically a graveyard. It's no wonder I have a thing for the supernatural, my first house was haunted. :') She had so many miscarriages it's unknown how I managed to survive when she was actively drinking and doing hard drugs the entire time. I was only 3 weeks early too; you'd think I would've been ejected way sooner but no such luck.

The kitten and dog are my tween and teen years. Going through puberty, I was denied privacy and the right to feel what I was feeling. I didn't have any way to express my pain because my suffering was never worth more than my mother's. Middle school me didn't wanna hear the same stories anymore of how and why she deserved to be a wretched beast instead of a real mother. I didn't wanna see any more of her violent outbursts or watch her kill herself with addiction. I couldn't say anything to anyone because she convinced me that being anywhere else than where I was would be worse and I didn't want to take the risk. The dog is a little older and cares a lot less. she wears the term "liar" and a spider web (web of lies) on her face as if they were prideful but they are actually her insecurities. My mother called me a liar my whole life because I would get caught in stupid lies when I was trying to get around her, like, "Yes, I did my school work, can I go out?" and, "No, I didn't tell anyone that horrible thing you did/said". I learned to manipulate her back when I realized she'd believe almost anything as easily as I did. The difference is, I was a child. I didn't know better yet. I was also accused of lying about things when I wasn't so since she was determined not to believe me I had to just accept my role in her story as a wicked child hellbent on trickery. She never believed any of what I did was out of a feeling of necessity. I guess that's fair since I never believed her either. /s Her third eye is for the Sacral Chakra which is for the expression of sexuality, emotions, relationships, sensual pleasure, creativity, and fantasies. These concepts were my obsession as a teenager and got me into a fair bit of trouble that followed me for a long time after. If I could go back and tell her she really wasn't ready, I would, but she wouldn't listen to me anyway. You can see her trying to show off with her piercings, face tattoos, hair color, and makeup. I didn't actually do most of those things because I couldn't afford it even if I wanted to (except the tongue bar, that was real) but this is who she was trying to be. By the time I graduated, I had already planned a lifetime's worth of body mods, had several ex-boyfriends, and was enjoying the attention of other (unfortunately, older) men so I felt fully unstoppable. I figured if I was being forced to live this life, I was gonna have fun doing it. I didn't know the fun I was having then would come at my expense now. The grief and realization that things could've been different is as intoxicating as the liquor I drink to cope.

In the background are some other elements I felt were important pillars in my development. The razors are obviously tied to self-destruction but I didn't technically cut until I was an adult. The sentiment was always there though. The pills are Vicodin and Valium. my mom had a serious pill problem when I was in middle school and I'm not sure if it ever really got better, I just didn't notice it after starting high school cause I tried to stay out more. The kandi (beaded jewelry) found around the page is for the first stage of healing my inner child when I was 17. I discovered rave culture online and made enough kandi to last me through all the raves I've been to since I was 18. It was the first time I felt like I was part of a community. It helped me socialize and the simple act of making kandi was meditative for me. It was an activity that I could start alone and later share with others and it brought me such childlike joy to do it.

And finally, the stickers are all the pets and treats I had to distract me from all the drama. Spoiler: It didn't work lol.

This concludes a very long and depressing dissection of my own work.

[evolutionsvoid]

I feel that the creatures of the volcanic deserts (AKA obsidian deserts) are a group that is hardly known by the outside world. You get a lot of talk about the beasts that live in jungles, or the monsters that live in the vast labyrinth of the Underworld, but not a lot of people mention these creatures. I would be interested in knowing how many people are even aware they exist! I feel if I asked anyone what a Shockscale or Flab Rat was, they would think I was either talking about a magic thing or an insult. Volcanic deserts are rare biomes, but there are other uncommon ones that people seem pretty knowledgeable of! So why don't people talk about them? Well, one theory is that volcanic deserts frequently get confused with other volcanic deserts, by that I mean dry land plus volcano. So when folk hear about them, they are confused which is which. Or in some cases, they may go visit it to see what the excitement is about and just find an arid piece of land by a lazy smoldering mountain. Not really all that interesting. Or it could be that people don't think deserts have anything in them, as that often happens with regular ones! I have surprised a lot of people whenever I prattle on about all the creatures that live in deserts, as they assume it is a barren wasteland! So perhaps they feel the same for volcanic deserts. These are legitimate theories, but I would like to submit my own! I would say that no one really talks about the flora and fauna of volcanic deserts because those ecosystems are absolutely awful to visit and nobody in their right mind would ever set root in one! Grating sand! Razor stone! Nonstop wind and lightening! It is a nightmare! Every sane explorer would turn back the second they watched a dune explode into a black shower of bladed chunks and crackling energy! They would see the utter misery this landscape brings and think "why not try the next one?" Sadly, not all who explore are levelheaded, and not all who seek knowledge are smart. By the way, have you guessed where I am writing this entry? I got to have something to do while I cower in this obsidian tube and wait for the apocalypse to ease up outside.   My gripes aside, it is a darn shame that these creatures get overlooked. This biome, harsh and cruel it may be, has created some incredible species and the world deserves to know their presence! By writing this down and informing others, I also do the service of granting this knowledge so others don't have to suffer like I did! In most cases, I would encourage my readers to go out and see these incredible sights themselves, but here I am fine with them reading it in a book and looking at all the pretty pictures. So, with that, get a nice drink, find someplace cozy and not full of sand to sit, and read on! This entry is on a rather peculiar beast of these horrible lands: the Shockscale Urchin! The Shockscale Urchin (or just Shockscale) is a terrestrial version of those spiny little balls you find in the ocean, preferring the sandy places that have a whole lot of fire and lightening. Like sea urchins, they do look like a moving mound, though they are decked out in scales instead of spines. This image is possible because the underside of the urchin is where their feet are, hidden under all those beautiful scales. Down below is also where its mouth is, so its topside is really a featureless looking pile of scales. This simplicity, however, has its beauty, which can be seen in its magnificent scales! Mixes of purple and black on these sturdy, metallic scales! While many are small, they grow larger and thicker as they move down and away from the body. Anchored in special muscles, these outer scales sweep out from the body and form structures that seem more fitting for birds! Metallic wings and a fanning tail are formed from these scales and controlled by muscles.  Despite their appearance, they cannot fly, as they are too heavy and not built for such an action. They don't so much flap but sweep and flow as the Shockscale moves and dances. With such beautiful and hardy scales, one would most certainly want one as a souvenir! Finding such a memento would seem rather thrilling, and easy too! If you are ever in a volcanic desert (first of all, have you listened to nothing I have said?) and wander the dunes, you would find some of these scales left in the sand. In some cases, you may watch a Shockscale crawl along and shed some of these scales as they navigate the chaotic terrain. At first glance, you would think yourself lucky! Here is a pretty trinket, let me just reach down and grab it! If you find yourself in this situation, pray that you have a smarter friend nearby ready to tackle you away from this enticing treasure. Hopefully you aren't wondering why I would say this, because I feel the name of this species should give a whole lot away.

  Just like the landscape, which is constantly ravaged by violent storms, the Shockscale harnesses the power of lightening! Special organs within their bodies are capable of producing some series shocks, which means they don't have to rely on absorbing lightening like the Elmis Spire. This means that they cannot run out of this energy, as long as they have the strength to use these organs! By putting them at full charge, the Shockscale is capable of creating a shock that will knock you off your roots and fry your leaves! This effect is powered up because they are coated in these metallic scales, making it so much easier for them to zap you! Thankfully, though, this can only happen if you touch or step on one, right? Good news for them and bad news for us, the answer is: No! The amazing thing about the Shockscale is that they are able to weaponize this electricity in a rather ingenious way! The scales they shed are not lost by accident, they drop them on purpose! That is because these scales are really conductive and practically pull the electricity in. If the Shockscale releases its energy near these fallen scales, the lightening will jump from its body to these lost pieces! That means if you grab a scale while one of these urchins are nearby, there is a chance they will fry you! Like I said, these dropped scales are not by accident, the Shockscale actually uses them! These creatures tend to have territories they stick to, and here they do their hunting. They will sweep their "wings" in a circle and leave a ring of fallen scales. Moving to the center, they will bury themselves in the black sand and wait. When prey blunders through this practically invisible circle, the Shockscale will start zapping! Caught between the source and the energy-hungry scales, the electricity will flow through you while it makes its journey! The power of this shock is enough to drop a full grown human, as it messes with your nervous system and muscles. If you watch prey get caught in this shock trap, you will see them suddenly convulse and drop to the ground. They will twitch and writhe as the energy flows through them, as falling over unfortunately causes one to absorb even more of this shock. In most cases, the prey is killed by this powerful effect, and the Shockscale will emerge to claim its meal. The urchin will crawl atop its prey and use its hidden mouth to devour them. While Shockscales tend to fry smaller creatures, they are quite opportunistic. Anything that wanders into their territory is fair game, and the hungrier they are, the more likely they are to take risks. Even if huge creatures stomp through their circle, they will still shock them despite the fact they know it won't kill them. This is more of a deterrent, as the Shockscale would prefer not to get stepped on. I imagine this sudden way to go is part of the reason this ecosystem is believed to be cursed. How else would you explain someone suddenly convulsing and then dropping dead? Demonic possession? A smiting from the gods? Or perhaps a hungry echinoderm...     In most cases, the Shockscale uses its scales to create this deadly perimeter for both offense and defense. Here it can lay in safety as it waits for food to arrive. However, there are some instances where the Shockscale will use its scales in a different pattern. When traveling, the urchin will be without its special circle. In this state, a predator may try to attack them, assuming the creature is without its usual defense. Since its takes time and precision to properly set up its trap, the Shockscale will be caught off guard. In some cases, it might just hunker down and rely on its own electric body for defense. Some have seen, however, times when the Shockscale "flees," which is odd because they don't move that fast. The urchin will try to run for its life, but the predator will have no trouble keeping up. Obviously, the beast will not jump right in and take a bite, as the urchin will just fry them. Most attackers would tend to hang back and wait for a vulnerable moment. Stalking behind the fleeing Shockscale, they will wait for the right moment to strike and then suddenly drop dead. Turns out, the Shockscale wasn't running. When they "retreat," they are actually dropping scales behind them as they move. They know that their abilities work by proximity, and most predators won't get close enough to zap. So by leaving a breadcrumb trail of scales, they are setting up a devious trap. The predator will be lured forward with the idea that they have the advantage, causing them to walk atop this line of scales. By releasing its energy, the lightening will chain itself through these scales and fry the attacker. Pretty clever! With this defense, there isn't much that can really mess with this species! The only predation I have witnessed so far was by a pack of Flab Rats, whose rubbery hides offer protection from most shocks. Even then, they have to be sure the Shockscale is dead before they take a bite! All the insulation in the world doesn't matter if you jam the lightening bolt into your mouth! Same goes for knives, you little monsters. Though they are quite dangerous, there is elegance to found in these incredible creatures! The beautiful wings are for more than just dropping scales, they actually use them for dance! When mating season comes around, the males will begin to wander the dunes. They do not seek a spot to congregate, rather they seem to move in different directions. I have heard that they are influenced by the sun, moon and stars, using them to guide their way, but I have not fully confirmed that. As they wander, they will let their wings out to the full span and spin around. There is some kind of pattern and design to this dance, as they thrash back and forth or twirl, but no one has truly decoded it. What we do know is that this moving ballet leaves behind something quite gorgeous! Their movements and wings create patterns in the obsidian sand, and their trail is formed from this delicate art! If you are walking the dunes during the breeding season, you will see entire swathes of the landscape turned into a magnificent canvas! These artistic trails are for the females, who are also moving about. When a female crawls over these paths, they can feel and detect its pattern. It seems they can learn a lot about the male from the art he leaves behind, and this will decide if he is worthy or not. If the design is lacking, she will move on, but if it is a masterpiece, she will follow it. Since she is not slowed by the need for dance, she will soon catch up with the twirling male and the two will undergo the next step of courtship. The trail he left behind was meant to get her in the door, now this part is how he gets her to stay! Together, the two shall dance and spin around each other, with the male seeking to impress and the female silently judging. The male must perform the right moves and hit the right timing to have a chance with her. If he bungles it, she will leave and search elsewhere. If he succeeds, the two will mate and part ways. She will go off to lay her eggs deep within the dunes, while he will continue his dance and search for other females. The thing that always gets me with this particular way for attracting mates is how delicate the whole process is. They are doing all this communication through sand art, despite the fact this landscape is ravaged by storms at an almost constant rate. A powerful gust of wind will easily erase all traces of this act, so how do they make it work? One solid theory is that Shockscales breed during seasons when the storms are at their slowest (which I think means they come every six minutes rather than five). This gives them longer times to let their art survive and catch attention, before it is blown away and they have to start over. Others say that the Shockscales also leave scented scales or pheromone along their trail, which the female can still follow if the patterns are erased. Whatever the reason, they somehow make it work! Though the Shockscales are not mentioned a lot by everyday folk, just like a lot of fauna from volcanic deserts, there is something about them that has made it to many shores. In many places, you can hear superstitions and creepy tales about a land covered in darkness and ravaged by the wrath of the gods. This place is almost like purgatory, covered in lava and black blades. What makes this place even creepier are the "symbols" and "runes" left by some unknown culture. Those who have entered this inhospitable land have mentioned grand designs etched into the dunes, patterns and symbols that are alien to many eyes and tongues. All of this, and yet not a single soul is seen! Despite this, the patterns are blown away, but then suddenly remade! How can this be?! Is there some kind of civilization hidden within this terrible world, writing these alien words in the sand? Or is it the result of spirits and demons, roaming the world of fire and lightening? Perhaps it is something more confusing and frightening. You see, these patterns can reach such amazing sizes and intricacy, yet you would struggle to fully appreciate it on the ground. A mural carved into the landscape can only be viewed in one way: from above! Are these symbols made for or by angels? Are they the markings of entities high above our heads? What do they stand for? What do they mean? There are many tales and theories about these bizarre patterns, and I have heard them all! Truly bewildering stuff! I have had people talk my ears off about these crazy conspiracies, and all I can think during these lectures is: "Is this what its like?" The real bummer of it all is that whenever I join in and add my theories, everyone gets all sour. They spin an endless yarn about symbols of angels and the writing of the gods, but then I offer the translation of "Heeeeey, ladies! Wanna dance?" and suddenly I'm the nut job. Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian   ----------------------------------------------------- A creature design brainstormed between my friend @james-silvercat and me! I can't remember how we started on this, but at some point we were talking about my volcanic deserts and shingle urchins! Wound up being a really cool creature and a really cool design!  

[werezmastarbucks]

Whitmore Guy - the letter

Part One

Kai Parker x fem!Reader slowburn

whatever gifs I’m going to use on this one, I hope the creators are okay with that

The Mystic Falls team decide they want to get rid of Kai Parker for good - and in a way that would ensure he won’t be able to come back. Death is not secure enough this time, so they go with Malivore. Who knows what the poor bastard is doing down there, but six months later, a new guy comes to work at the college - and meets the reader seemingly for the first time.

word count: 1189

warnings: Damon’s still a dick and also bitter

Damon was clutching a piece of paper in his hand. He could hear his brother, perched up against the doorframe, waiting for him to say something. But both vampires kept silent. Stefan ran out of patience first.

“What’s that?”

He blinked, and folded the letter, putting it in the drawer, under his neatly folded shirts – all black.

“You said you don’t want to know, little brother”.

Stefan cocked his head, lazily, his marble face covered with the dark fog.

“It’s got something to do with Malivore and why we all were there?” he guessed.

“Yes. And you said”, Damon repeated gravely, “that you don’t want to know. So, go, and don’t… I’d say forget about it, but you kinda already did, so…”

Stefan shifted a little, closing his self-embrace, encircling his elbows. He sighed.

“Was it a horrible thing we did? Why wouldn’t I want to know what happened?”

“It wasn’t horrible. It was the right thing to do”.

“Does you letter from the past state so?”

“Exactly”.

“Who else knows?”

Damon said nothing, but gazed at him, his manly jaw moving forward. Why does it always have to be him?

Listen here, Damon, it’s me. I mean, you. You’re sitting in your car outside the cave in Georgia right now, confused about what you’re doing here. The first thing you do now is, you leave and read this completely and utterly alone. Bon Bon wanted to know, too, because she’s a brave soul, but honestly, he’s not worth it. Don’t tell her.

Are you completely alone? Are you sure?

You were at the pit because you were dealing with the baddest scum on Earth. Let me tell you a story.

In 1994, a guy, a siphoner witch, killed his whole family – well, almost all of them – in cold blood like a freak he is, for power. He was locked away in a magical prison world and spent almost twenty years there, but he got out – not gonna mention how, or else you’ll be real angry.

Anyway, upon being released, the guy went for Mystic Falls. The guy’s name was Malachai Parker, but everybody called him Kai. Remember it. Remember this name and know that he’s the worst crap headed, the most violent, the most fucked up, the craziest, filthiest and absolutely the most annoying little shit you’ve ever met in your life. I’m not being dramatic, Damon, he’s the absolute worst. What??? Worse than Katherine? you ask. Are you annoyed yet? I had to spend TIME with him. He was pretty damn near to Katherine, man. You completely lost all hope when he met Y/N. He tricked her into loving him when he solved the problem of difficult relationships with her father by killing him. Seeing that we let it slide, he proceeded with killing her grandmother, too. All the bullcrap about him loving someone is complete nonsense because Kai’s a diagnosed sociopath. He did not love her. He’s used her because she has magic and they had some kind of connection which allowed him to siphon her as much as he wanted. All that is not relevant anymore, thank Fuck. I never managed to fully grasp that vessel-siphoner witchy tofu. Who cares?

That’s the main reason you all actually gathered to get rid of him: he was turning your friend, a girl you swore to protect ten years ago, into a murderer. Together, they have burned a house with living people inside. Y/N killed Shane Atticus while being with him, and she also killed Katherine to get back at YOU when you tore his head off. Yes, you have killed him before, but the bastard crawled right back from hell and dived his claws deep inside of her. She was turning violent, erratic, selfish. She manipulated you to send Rebekah to hell so that Klaus had a reason to open the gates – and let him out.

Y/N was transforming into this beast he’s been grooming, making her just like him.

You threw him in Malivore because he was that bad. Here’s the list of other things Kai did that led to this day:

He killed his pregnant sister, together with her two unborn children. She was Ric’s fiancée.

He killed the surviving members of his family and coven, hunting them down like animals, one by one, in a sadistic way.

He left Bonnie in the prison world for months, and she nearly killed herself there.

He stabbed her several times.

He tried to kill YOU and your brother.

He tortured Elena. For fun.

He shredded a Grill bartender’s neck because he was talking to Y/N.

He has turned himself into a vampire to become a heretic.

He was an abomination of a vampire, and he didn’t drink human blood, he fed on supernatural creatures. He’s been turning people in the town so that they served as his blood bags.

He was slaughtering the citizens of Mystic Falls for fun.

He killed Matt Donovan (the male blonde guy with sad life).

Those are just the things off the top of our head. There’s more I can’t think of.

Remember, Damon, you’ve all decided that it would be the best thing for her and for the rest of the goddamn PLANET if he was gone. You all decided that throwing him into the pit of oblivion would be the most suitable thing. He never existed, as far as we know. There’s no Kai Parker, and there has never been. You have cleared Y/N’s phone, the house, her computer, so there’s no evidence of him in her life. It’s all gone now. She’ll be much much better off… it’s done. Kai Parker is gone forever, and I can’t express how much relief it is (gonna be when you do it). You gotta believe me, Damon, he was worse than Klaus, nastier than travelers and bitchier than the sirens. On the scale of badness he was like 10 poisonous snakes that eat your balls and set you on fire and make you shit yourself while singing Michael Bolton. He was obnoxious, loud, annoying, intrusive and just outright evil. His eating habits… There was never hope for that man, if that’s what you’re asking yourself.

I’m writing it a bit ahead, but I’m pretty sure he’ll kick, and scream, and beg when I drag that monster to the pit. This will be the happiest day of my life.

It was the right thing to do, Damon.

P.S.

Nobody else wanted to remember about this, except Bonnie, but I’d rather you kept it from her, too. She deserves much better than live with even a shade of this in her life. The guys specifically said they don’t want to remember him and what we did to him: Blondie vamp, Elena, Alaric and Stefan. So, keep it from them, you owe them that much. Tell them you don’t remember anything either, and what a bloody shame that nobody thought to leave a note. What a bunch of idiots!

P.P.S.

Keep an eye on Y/N. Tell her she had food poisoning or whatever so that’s why she wasn’t at the Malivore pit with everybody.

Damon

11/11/19

[solskinns]

Gold Over the Heart

It's a simple night in the city of true perfection; even the horrors of night have no power to tarnish the beauty of the city lights from above on top of some of the tallest buildings. Such a scenery allows me to see the cars below as if they are mice or rats and my good friend Lanced-Moonlight looks down too. I believe clarification is needed though, I am the great Captain-Daylight; hero in the thriving city of Perfania though I personally want that ‘f’ to be a ‘v’ however that is me getting ahead of myself. My ability of great strength and flight has made me the hero of light. Though my friend ends up my opposite as the night's final answer wielding a lance more like a bow-staff. He sees the city that he holds so dearly to his heart.

“Look at them all, at ANY time ANY of them could end up in jail if they make even a single wrong move” He said worryingly.

“Do not fret old friend, soon we can make sure the utopia we achieved remains so” My answer became. Indeed this city couldn't be better of its painful perfection after the work of war being neutralized. What WAS here was the rubble of a broken city doomed for apocalypse upon its fallout during the 1950s and war in the 1960s! Therefore, upon the end of the war, peace had settled in at last with the help of me and my fellow men that took the call to action. Now the buildings stand taller than ever a renaissance beginning with a bigger, scattered, more functional Stonehenge towering over those who innocently roam the streets; truly, a paradise has been made in hopes of it being maintained!

It always seemed to be the alleyway, however, that was still as dark as it always was aside from the litter and graffiti that no longer marks these areas, though warning signs for innocent strangers are what fashion them now. It makes the roundup of bad guys much easier honestly.

“You know Lanced-Moonlight, such heroism is quite difficult for keeping morale amongst our public; how is it you are maintaining such popularity?” I question sitting against a wall with him holding his lance like a once warrior now king, waiting for his next challenger pridefully.

“John, must we go through with the reasoning of your failure as a hero on the daily now?” He questions back with disappointment in his tone. I could tell it was disappointment laid true considering his mention of my name and his heart seeming unwilling to mention it once more. It's also possible that he doesn't want to be here anyway.

“It has boggled my mind then and it still does NOW, so I believe it is still needed, yes” I say so a bit assertively with my kind wish for advice

He sighs defeated “Well if you MUST know, you are completely out of your league; powers of the strong with a mind for the weak” he scoffs as if disgusted and continues “Where I am able to take down the villains to the delight of our fans, YOU are criticized time and time again by your methods” 

Like always, I'm shocked by the response I got “Methods? Well why woul-”

He cuts me off “Don't you see your excitement is killing your reputation for what you do?!” He blurted out of a hate for WHAT I do rather than me specifically.

I basically wait till he's done which he took as me speechless.

“They all love me because I don't bother with horrifying acts like that and they ALL have feelings that you of all people have a dark side to yourself,”

“well that goes for you too my frie-”

Once again he cut me off from my little joke “Me included…” Now THIS was a new one and worst of all, it felt like he kept that in for practically MONTHS!

He gets up from the cold low hair of concrete and brick and looks down at the alley he has been on the lookout for as his eyes narrow to a group down there, so he tries to finish our shorter of talks “I suggest that you change your acts before you get labeled a madman and get thrown in the prison, I'm sure they'd LOVE to talk to you there” he jumps down and next thing I end up hearing is the punching and even cracking of bones. Not a single scream or beg for mercy was uttered by the my old friend!

The next day, my rest in a simple mattress was rather nice; my apartment room was small with a kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom all wrapped into a nice package the size of half an attic really. I manage getting out of bed and do my daily routine of perfect hygiene, a great breakfast of eggs, bacon, and pancakes filling my nostrils and my stomach, and finally dressing up in my uniform of the white suit with the significant C in a sun as well as yellow gloves and boots for this occasion. OH, and can't forget my flowing yellow cape to fly in.

With all the essentials, I fly out the window, close it, feel the sun return my abilities in full force, and patrol the streets of a perfect city, no crowds and no trouble either. I could feel the wind flow my well cut and positioned hair as the only sounds I get to hear up here is the public enjoying their lives without a second thought. That is until I find a line decorating a single sidewalk to an expo center. Now what on earth is all this? I look for a sign on the building and oh I thought seeing Lanced-Moonlight’s daily routine of the morning. I decided to float my way slowly to the expo that would be the the most average sized building in the city.

People and even security allowed me inside without the need to wait in line. Upon arriving, it was clear as day, Lanced-Moonlight was signing autographs and selling his recent stories for all to see his work. Not to mention his merchandise flying off the shelves like a tornado took all the good products! There DOES exist my merchandise, but, like every time, it lays dormant and fully stocked. Only a select few have wandered there just because the Lanced-Moonlight stuff is long gone.

“AH, the Captain of Daylight himself” He says smiling smiling at me and getting up. His costume is visual and his navy blue suit is shown with a crescent shaped moon and stars making an L shape. He sports a scarf of pure white with only a few light gray spots here and there. Simply put, he stays my opposite in every way “HEY EVERYONE ‘GOODY-GOODY’ IS HERE TO TELL MY STORY TO YOU GUYS! Aren't you pal?” patting my shoulder with a nice grin directed to me. He also jokes with me seeming like a ‘goody-goody’ he calls it.

“Sure, I'd like to” I recite the story as I heard it for myself and how I didn't join due to me...having faith in his ability to do it alone...yeah. The audience would correct me on the violent acts he did and laugh at my cowardice as I portrayed it “and there you go, the story of another victory for the Lanced-Moonlight against the dreaded Jaded-Key” I really assumed it was the villain who could open any door through his incredible strength; it simply made sense from the voice. He segued me off to the side as to give himself more attention. It didn't matter to me though, I did what he wished and that's all I want, besides, I'm going to be late for MY meet and greet.

I fly off in the lower streets where kids usually have trouble around here and sure enough, I snatch a cat from a tree and talk to its owner about this behavior, I get a kid a brand new balloon to replace the one in the same tree as well as scold him for doing it for the seventh time this month, and even stop some roughhousing between four kids while having them make up for past mistakes. They all say the same thing “get away” “I can't talk to mean strangers” “so what old man” and my favorite “go jump on the meanie-trainy” the imaginations on these children seem to never end. It all passes by me though; I helped them and I'm okay with that. What madness it is to get that across others and to say I'm not crazy which once more, I protest still, my mind is sane and well.

I fly on down to the gray box of inescapable brick and I stand proudly in front of it, opening the doors that contain these villains all that have destroyed or stole in some way or another. I walk past every cell with names flashing by; Winged-Zapter, Professor Gulp, Sea-beast, and then Jaded Key which I stop at. There were others beyond his cell, but I don't need them now, for now it's HIM I need! I take my breath and get ready for my vile deed to the city. Delay is no longer an option. I must do this. For my city. For my people...I open the door as it creaks in the way a metal door would to see him peacefully sitting on the bed.

I smile relieved; he could escape easily with his strength and yet he sits. I take a seat on the other end of the bed as my position is to him so we can have this be done and over with“good morning, Jake, I trust you slept well today”

He smirks at my mention of his real name “better than ever, but ya kept me waiting” he responds gladly.

“Oh, well I had some delays on the way here, you know me” I chuckled.

“Yeah, hero business and what not” He says understandably.

“Now...let us talk about what happened yesterday,” this is no interrogation “how was it?” this is my horrible act that I pull every single day

“Well ya see…” he responds with how he was just fine with all the chaos that was going on. Do I regret what I do because the fans won't give me fame from what I do? Am I tricking this man? Do my acts cause pain and sorrow to those I face? Absolutely NOT! Why? Because despite the city claiming its openness to all, the people of PerVania do not see the segregation that still reigns supreme and is even SUPPORTED by the likes of the Lanced-Moonlight!

Therefore, as the only light in the dark, I believe everyone deserves a second chance...EVERYONE!

*CUT*

Coming this week; the next story concept of a perfect world trying to figure out how to remain perfect. This short story is not the real thing and Captain-Daylight as well as Lanced-Moonlight will not be this simple. Lanced will be lighter and less selfish than that while the 'bad guys' are typical villains instead of criminals. Daylight is more optimistic while also somewhat ignorant to the big picture as he only saves lives and unintentionally gain fame amongst the audience. Just as further salt on the wound, the audience is okay with all of this. No worries though, a hitman in a world where corporations are all there is has been thrusted into this world of a classic and tired formula...this is more comedy as I create it so maybe look forward to that. Until then, keep the sun shining! Buh-byye

[flylittlerobin-dbd]

So robin, what are your thoughts on the killers?

“…again I hope no one can see these…  I-it’s safe to say they’re all scary…”

“The Trapper is actually one of the scariest killers…  Nevermind his appearance, he’s really good at finding the most unsuspecting places to put his traps, but they always find their mark.  He tends to go after Jake the most…  Aside from that, Evan is surprisingly well-mannered.”

“The Wraith…doesn’t belong here…  See…Philip can jumpscare better than most being able to turn invisible, but the way he was brought here…  He didn’t deserve this.  He’s not a monster.  He’s not a killer, no matter how often he says he is.  He’s kinda like a cat, though, and he squints his eyes when he’s happy.  He’s one of the killers most likely to let you go in a trial, but that doesn’t erase that he’s frightening.”

“Max- I don’t like to call him The Hillbilly- is another one that shouldn’t be here.  He’s a sweet guy, but that chainsaw sprint is one of the scariest things a killer can do.  One second you’re alone, next you hear a chainsaw, and then you’re down and hooked before you can determine if it’s Max or Bubba…”

“The Nurse is a sweet woman.  Her blinking power is very cool, but it really does take a lot out of her.  Despite this, she’s incredibly precise.  Sally likes to sing too!  And she tends to pick flowers she sees, however few she sees.”

“The Shape… *shiver*  I can understand why Laurie is afraid of him.  She knows the most about him, but…  Michael is a brick wall, both emotionally and physically, yet he’s the most silent out of all the killers.  You won’t even know he’s there until he drags you off of a gen, or, if you’re lucky, you’ll spot him in the distance.  Good luck on the Macmillan Estate, though; he blends in really well.  I’m not proud to admit that whenever I see him in a trial, my mind freezes, and I sometimes get chased because I can’t help but scream when he pops up out of nowhere.”

“The Hag…these titles are so mean sometimes…  Lisa may look terrifying, but she’s not all that bad.  Her traps are a problem.  Having to crouch so much slows down trial progress, and we always have to time unhooking someone just right.  I suppose Nea is good against her, what with her fast crouching and fascination with flashlights.”

“The Doctor gives me mixed feelings.  I know he’s a killer, but he’s also a psychiatrist; enthralled by the mind.  He was lead astray in his studies by the people who manipulated him, but he doesn’t seem to mind it.  Herman’s actually quite happy with his ability to release electricity from his hands.  One thing though…  Don’t ever call him Doctor Carter.  I don’t know why he hates it so much, but he’s attacked other killers over it.  He and Phillip almost killed each other when Sally called him that…  She was just being professional, I know.  She seems to get the short end a lot; especially when Michael first showed up…”

“The Huntress is to the killers like Jane is to the survivors.  Anna likes being a mom, and she took to Susie really well.  Her English is a little broken, and she needs to ask how to express something sometimes, but she’s getting better.  She taught me how to throw a hatchet once!  …uh…I wasn’t, um…good at it…forget that.  It wasn’t important.”

“Bubba really lives up to the title The Cannibal.  He can be hard to understand sometimes, but he’s like a little brother!  He can be really protective or really aggressive.  There isn’t an in between with him…  He can get frustrated easily too, but it always makes me happy to see him in a trial!  He always lets me go, but I wish he wouldn’t sometimes.  He deserves to get a four kill.  He’s a good kid.”

“The Nightmare is nothing short of really messed up.  He’s a sadist and is more than happy to hurt people, especially Quentin.  Even so…he’s funny.  Freddy’s jokes and out there personality never fail to make me laugh.  Did you know that when he’s relaxed and in a good mood, he purrs like a cat?”

“The Pig…is one of the more brutal of the killers.  It still frustrates Jake that he can’t sabotage her traps.  I feel very fearful having Amanda in a trial…her traps scare me a lot.  It doesn’t help that she keeps well hidden when crouching, even though she’s wearing bright red.”

“The Clown isn’t one of my favorites to go against.  He’s already super fast when he moves, which is confusing, but his bottles slow you down when they intoxicate you…  He’s almost impossible to get away from…  But at the same time, it’s really cool to sit on his shoulders and have him run you around!  I still don’t know whether I’m supposed to call him Jeffery or Kenneth, but he seems to respond to Kenneth the most.”

“I feel for Rin…I really do.  She went through something horrible, and those feelings of fear, sadness, betrayal…they followed her through her transition to being The Spirit.  It always angers me that the Entity used this to its advantage…  When she’s feeling up to it, Rin will take your hand and phase walk with you.  It’s really strange and kinda makes me nauseous, but she enjoys being able to share that ability.”

“The Legion…well, I should break them up into individual opinions.  I was really surprised to learn that ‘one’ killer was actually four!  Frank is the clear leader.  He’s strong-willed and keeps the others in check.  Joey is quiet and isn’t afraid to challenge Frank’s decisions, but he’s always respectful about it.  He and Frank are clearly very close, but they’re all very close.  Julie will mess you up and she’ll laugh about it afterwards.  The three of them come together to protect Susie, but don’t be fooled.  Sue can handle her own just fine, and it’s scary when she does.  You’d never expect it from her.  As a group, they’re unstoppable, and they like to chat about trials when they get back to Ormond.  They made me my own…bracelet…  Moving on-”

“Adiris keeps to herself both in and out of trials.  She doesn’t leave her temple during down time, but she’s more than happy to have company sometimes.  She hates being called The Plague…  It’s the once part of her she truly hates.  She’s really interested in Freddy and Rin, how they’re undead.  Much like Sally, she likes to sing.  She still tries to convert everyone to her religion, but most people don’t really care about it.  I’ll still sit and listen to her though.”

“Then, there’s Ghostface.  He is, by all means, a complete dork…  He’s scary in trials, watching from afar and figuring out exactly where to hit to take you down in one go.  He blends in really well, but…  It’s hard to take Jed seriously sometimes!  He’s such a goof!  Even so, he’s good at his job, and he enjoys it.  That makes him dangerous.”

“The Demogorgon is truly a beast…  I’m not sure if it has cognitive function the same way the other killers do or if it’s just a creature looking for food.  Does it even know it’s in another dimension?  Does it miss home like the rest of us?  …well, Demo does like head scritches, so there’s that!”

“Kazan is a brute by all means of the word, but he is honorable.  He should be, being a samurai, right?  He hates being called The Oni, so I never refer to him as that.  Rin was so intrigued to find that he was her grandfather, and he, in turn, is very protective of her, especially when he found out the dishonor her father put on the family…  He’s a creature of wrath, that’s for sure, and you don’t want to be on the receiving end of his kanabo when he’s angry…  It’s strange to think that the same sword exists in two different forms in this realm, but I suppose that’s not the strangest thing in the world, huh?”

“The Deathslinger is by far one of the strangest killers to have ever appeared in this place...  He seems so upset about his past life still, and doesn’t want to accept what happened to him.  Caleb likes to tell stories about his family, and he reminisces about what happened to him.  His leg brace gives some clues to his life, but he gets a little...violent if someone asks about it...  He keeps closed off mostly, even from the other killers.  His gun is a game changer for the killers, though; Nea and Meg really hate that it draws them in.  It scares Quentin, being harpooned in the chest...”

“Ah…I suppose I should do my killer too…  Um…T-The Demon…well, he’s my killer.  There’s isn’t much more to say…  Sebastian keeps to himself.  Even though he’s my killer…and I have a history with him…I don’t actually, um, know that much ab-about him…  Let’s…leave it at that.”

[bd-steelyfam]

As the fire crackles behind them, Dan and Envy slowly draw closer, their eyes locked. This final fight is going to decide everything... including their own fate and Arakiah's.

A fight for his family.

A fight for the continent.

A fight for the return of his best friend.

Then, a cry from the dragon could be heard.

“COME AND FIGHT ME, DAN STEEL!”

And they rush towards each other, sword in hand.

As the two men let out their battle cries, their swords collide, leaving a high, ear-piercing echo throughout the blazing forest.

The Lovers clashes with Envy’s sword, sending a chill through Dan’s arms. After the first, blocked attack, he swings his sword again. Clang. It hit the taller man’s blade again, as if they are locked in a destined pattern.

It happens repeatedly, but the two men seem invested in the battle that they don't let go of their weapons, even though their

But a strong swing comes out of the dragon's sword, forcing Dan to hold The Lovers in the air from the impact.

This is an advantage for Envy, so he uses this opportunity to swing his sword horizontally, aiming for Dan's abdomen once again. It hits him, deepening the wound that was previously made. The smaller man coughs out blood, but still not enough to make Envy smirk.

But Dan isn't falling. Even though the pain is unbearable, he keeps on fighting. He raises The Lovers and runs again, this time trying to stab Envy's stomach in return of his own wound.

He succeeds,

Dan is trying not to hurt Devo's mortal body, but doing so would result in his defeat. This is getting frustrating for him.

Envy throws himself onto Dan, punching his jaw. He learns that using swords aren't going to do anything, and that his fists are doing more damage.

Dan stumbles backwards, holding his bleeding mouth.

"My, my, what an unexpected twist!" Envy chuckles darkly, looking down at Dan.

Dan wheezes painfully as his already deep wound kicked again.

"What was that about just now, about finishing me and saving everyone? Look at your pathetic self," the dragon remarks, "after only getting sliced in the stomach, you fall? How can you even save everyone if you can't save yourself?!"

Envy's roaring laugh fills the hazy air. It's the only thing than Dan hears for a long time.

"Hey, Dan." The dragon asks, after getting tired of laughing, "May I ask you a question?"

No answer.

"You know the fact that Master fell for you, right? After a long time of strong friendship, it is to be expected from him. A strong, fierce man like him also craves affection, like others."

Dan looks up slowly.

"Do tell me Dan. If you were to choose one word that would describe your feelings towards Master," Envy chuckles, "would it be love, or hate?"

Dan's eyes widen.

He isn't expecting a question like that to come out of the beast's mouth.

What kind of question is that?

Sure, Devo has been a very close friend to him, and he definitely a good fighter, too.

But he isn't letting his emotions take control.

“Screw you, you damned animal,” Dan mutters, still coughing, “I am NOT going to give you the satisfaction of having your question answered.”

Envy stops smirking. His face turns blank.

“....what did you just say?”

Dan stands up, staggering. “Whether I love him or not, it’s none of your damn business. Even with all this “I am him” bullshit, YOU did not deserve to hear my answer. It’s your soul, but this is his body."

He points his bloodied finger at Envy, emphasizing his next words. "Therefore I will tell him myself, AFTER I FINISH THIS BATTLE WITH YOU!”

Silence.

Dreadful, eerie silence.

“...so that’s it, huh.” Envy mutters, emotionless.

Dan doesn’t waver.

“After all this time, all the journey and hardships Master went through just to hear your answer, this is what he gets? A half-assed, horrible rejection?”

Dan feels that something had hit his heart. “I’ve never said anything about rejection, you imbeci-”

“You only have to choose," he interrupts, "between hating him or loving him. Just choosing, Dan. And then, being the brat you always are, you just told to his face that you are just going to ignore him like he never existed."

"DO NOT TOY WITH HIS FEELINGS, YOU FOOL!!! IF YOU'RE SO INVESTED IN HEARING MY ANSWER, THEN GIVE HIM BACK THE CONTROL OVER HIS HEART!!" Dan cries, frustrated. He can't bear seeing the wretched dragon say such things with his friend's mouth. Tears almost form in his eyes.

Envy's grip on the blade tightens, before muttering out the next words.

"This feeling of sorrow and regret shall not go unresponded."

With all his strength, Envy lunges himself towards Dan, holding his sword with the palms of his hands. He seems faster and more violent than before, swinging his blade agilely. Dan jumps backwards in an attempt to avoid the attacks.

It's as if he became stronger.

Little scars appear on the smaller man's body, indicating that Dan is not going to be able to match his speed. Still, he defends himself with The Lovers, even though he knows it would do nothing to stop the dragon.

Envy delivers the final swing with all his might, breaking Dan’s chest plates. They shatter at the strong impact the man gave, falling like rain drops on the ground. Dan winces at the vibration the hit gave, looking down at where his armor was supposed to be.

With his chest open and defenseless, Envy wastes no time and immediately thrusts his sword up into his chest. He holds it still through Dan's chest, not moving it even an inch.

After a few seconds have passed, he retrieves it back. The sword moves back smoothly, crimson blood replacing the previously dull silver of the blade.

Only the quiet drips of liquid could be heard.

Dan stands still, not moving. A thick trail of blood comes out of his mouth. His eyes narrows, and he stares off to the distance, not doing anything.

Then, he falls.

The light in his eyes begins to dim as he lies on the grass. He tried to lift a finger, but failed. The deadly attack from before has left him to die. Especially with his abdomen all torn and his wrists limp from all the sword swinging. He lies there, mouth gaping.

Envy moves forward, laughing grimly. Serves him right! It's his fault for being so cocky and not answering his question.

"Alas!" He roars, "The hero that Arakiah has been rooting for has finally vanished like the moth in the flame. Their hope has extinguished, along with their future! All the deaths, all the sacrifices, all the fallen kingdoms, and none of those has been able to stop me, Envy, from destroying Arakiah!"

"This is truly despairful, truly agonizing!!"

As he finishes his inner monologue, Envy walks over to the man lying on the grass, sword in hand.

"This is going to be quick."

As he raises his sword, he looks down at his master's former friend. Friend? What a horseload of nonsense. They eventually rot away, so why bother?

But suddenly, something hit him. It isn't physical, but it hurts, as if he has been stabbed multiple times right in the chest.

Envy stands there, his sword still hanging in the air from his hands.

Drip, drip. That's the sound of tears dripping slowly from his cheeks. Envy slowly lowers his blade and brings his hand on one of his cheeks. He notices that he is crying silently now, no choking sobs or anguish screams slipping from his mouth. His left eye is barely open.

His weapon falls down to the ground carelessly.

"Don't worry," Dan murmurs softly, hoping that it could reach his old friend, "this is never your fault....."

Tears continue to pour down the assassin's cheeks quietly as he stands there, touching his cheek, not saying anything.

[sw4tch]

((Another vent post i found in my drafts. This one is pretty bad, very Suicidal. Glad I don’t feel like this right now, but reading my past emotions makes me sad.

To cheer me up, I’ll add Annotations to disperse these bad thoughts for future me))

it’s not fair it’s not fair

she fucked me up while i was a child, took my father’s side and took her anger out on me when i was so young, and me, right now, when i take my anger out on her then i’m the bad one, i’m the worst one, i’m the one that ruined her life

I know i ruined her life, that’s all i’m good for and i ruin everything

but when i do it, i don’t deserve my apologies to be taken

even though she has NEVER apologized for anything in her life, never to me, not when she hits me, not when she hits me on accident, not when she makes me cry

BUT I’M THE WORST ONE, i am the worst thing that could have happened to her

I am the Monster

without a will to live and with a dream to be left alone to die

I hate it

I HATE GOING TO A FRIEND’S HOUSE AND WANTING TO DIE BECAUSE THEIR FAMILIES ARE SO NICE TO THEM, AND NICE TO ME

SOMEONE WHO’S INTRUDING AND BOTHERING THEM, ME

“You’re always welcome here” always feel like a stab through the heart

Because it makes me feel wanted and i hate that, admit that i’m a bother and you hate me and that you think i’M UGLY AND DISGUSTING AND THAT I’M THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU

HATE ME HATE ME HATE ME HATE ME

I’M FULL OF DISGUSTING FEELINGS AND HATRED AND I’M UGLY AND TOO FAT AND TOO BIG AND TAKE TOO MUCH SPACE AND I SMELL HORRIBLE AND MY FACE IS HORRIBLE AND I HATE EXISTING BECAUSE MY MERE EXISTENCE BOTHERS OTHERS

(( Oh Snaily of the past, you wrote this after going to a friend’s house and it made you feel happy. Why can’t you accept that? People do like you, they love you. Your friend wanted you to live with them at some point remember? People genuinely like you. Being a burden sometimes it’s okay. ))

I apologized to her because i knew yesterday was my slip up. Can’t let her know i hate having her in my life, that she reminds me of everything that’s wrong in my life, that she’s one of the reasons i’m so suicidal

Gotta pretend, as always, that i’m the good “Daughter”, the Good Child, the Golden Child

so i did. But she immediately cried and said something about how she’s sacrificed so much for me and that if she took control of my bank account it was for my own good and hers, and that i am an adult already, i should already know how to take care of myself (i know, i know) and that i can’t go out into the world by being such a toxic person that disrespects the hand that feeds her (i know, i know) that kind of thing doesn’t fly when you have a job (god, i know)

She didn’t accept my apology, said i went too far. That some things can never be forgiven (how funny, shoot me, shoot me, shoot me) and that i really fucked up, because she’s the only one that has looked out for me, she’s the only person in the world that doesn’t deserve my anger (i cried in this part, cried out of anger and frustration, how dare she not know)

“You can’t take your anger out on people, i thought i had thought you better and that you were a smart child. Weren’t you talking about being kind yesterday? You can’t be a hypocrite”

i cried. she’s right. ([Be a good person, that’s all.] i tried, i try, but i’m a horrible person that’s full of hatred and that will eventually hurt their friends. i’m sorry, my life isn’t my own. I can’t be who i want to be)

I’m a hypocrite. I want to hurt and maim others, i want to feel justified when i do, i want to feel good when i hurt others, i want to be validated in my sorrow

(( Your anger is the part of you that loves you and wants people to treat you right. You’re not monstrous for that. Also she literally lied to you here because later on she didn’t do any of her Threats, your anger was justified. Snaily, remember you’re the Abused here.

I know you feel violent sometimes, but you don’t really want to hurt people. You just want to protect yourself ))

That’s the abuse cycle, isn’t it?

My parents hurt me in different ways when i was a child, they cursed me, so now i’m cursed to turn into a monster at the sight of moonlight and rip my friends limb from limb with my fangs

I’m cursed, i’m cursed, and i’ll hurt anyone that i see vulnerable enough to take my bite

and i don’t want that

I’ve talked about it, haven’t i? How i don’t want to be a monster

Ali said i wasn’t. But Ali won’t even talk to me anymore because she probably realized i’m a weird creep that idolizes too much and gets obsessed with people that treat them right in the slightest. She won’t talk to me because she realized that maybe i am a monster.

(( Ali stopped talking to you because life happened! It’s not that deep. Sometimes friends drift apart. Hopefully she still thinks fondly of you. As much as you think fondly of her. People drift and leave, it’s part of life. It’s okay. ))

So i keep thinking, that i can’t let myself hurt anyone else. My mother brought it up today (”You’ll just end up hurting others, don’t you see?”) But i do see, mother.

So i have to be the one that kills the monster. A dead beast can’t kill or maim, can’t pass on the curse of abuse if they’re dead.

It always gets this bad, i always want to die, and when i try to be a good person it becomes evident i’ll never be

I’m too full of hatred for that

I think i’ll be safe once i get out of here, of the hellhole, but that’s a silly illusion isn´t it?

You can take the child out of the hell hole, but you can never take out the hellhole out of the child

not with therapy, not with a good environment, not with a good life, not that i deserve one anyway

A beast will always be a beast

An abused child will become an abuser

And a bad person can never try to be anything else but that

(( You’re not a bad person for feeling miserable, for feeling angry, for being hurt and having these big Big emotions! That might be your possible BPD talking. Therapy would really help you, never ever doubt that your life would be better once you leave this bad environment and get proper treatment ))

----------------------------

I keep thinking about how pear seeds can be toxic if you eat enough of them. Have a grinder at home, can make my own suicide dust, put in my own food and we’re done, happy end, happily ever after.

Don’t have pears. I hate pears.

I keep thinking about how in a robbery, people are desperate enough nowadays to shoot me dead if i refuse to cooperate

I’ll refuse to cooperate, i will and then i’ll be dead. Happily ever after, and the bus will get up and cheer

I’m a coward. How would that work

I keep thinking about how to make someone kill me. Roadkill. But how? 

Should put my life up on the dark web, someone must want to pay for the Thrill of Killing a Living Person, i’d give them that, i’d be good for something for once

These all all just sweet fairytales, aren’t they? The fantasy that it won’t hurt or that it won’t be my fault when i’m dead and people get inconvenienced by it.

I wanna be roadkill, explode into million of pieces, picked up in bags by some poor bastard that just wants to go home instead of touching dead flesh. 

Then i will sleep. And rest. And my back won’t hurt. And my longing and heartache won’t be there anymore.

I lost my will to live a few days ago. Because i missed a presentation out of pure anxiety. Of feeling like a failure.

I’ll tell you a secret, the feeling of failure has been with me ever since. It haunts me, because i know, this time, it’s real. I was supposed to be better, be a good hardworker, not a lazy piece of shit.

Being lazy doesn’t feel good for me, it makes me realize i truly am mediocre.

(( Being mediocre isn’t a crime you know. You don’t have to be exceptional. You just have to be you. And be gentle with you. I’m sorry you felt suicidal. I love you ))

---------------------------------------------------------------

My mother said that 6 months after i graduate, that’ll be all. After that she’ll be gone and not support me economically anymore.

That i brought this onto me.

That’s what i get, for slipping up.

(( This is again manipulation. She never goes through with it!!! She’s just manipulating you, trying to keep you under her thumb!! It’s okay Snaily. You’ll be okay. You don’t deserve her gaslighting and manipulation. But you need to know you’re being wronged, even if you’re not in the right sometimes ))

I deserve that.

Six months. I’ll never get a job and i’ll continue to be a failure and i would have wasted everyone’s time.

That’s all i’m good for.

Six months. That’s nothing. There’s not enough jobs. And i’m not talented enough to get a job so fast. I’m no one, and i’ll always be. 

Talentless hack with a diploma, that would be me.

six months. That’s good. That’s good. I deserve it. It’ll force me to grow. Or sink.

Oh, i’ll sink. 

I’ll sink. While i watch my friends fly away onto jobs i wish i had, because they had what i didn’t:

Talent, A Will to Live, A Future

while i sink.

That can’t be too bad. When i say this, i honestly feel good for them in that scenario. I’m not bitter, not against them anyway. Because I love them, and love should never be about jealousy, should never be tainted with that.

Because that’s not love. True love is wanting your friends to grow and become the best version of themselves. I really want that for them.

I’m just sad i can’t do the same, because of me and me only.

Wonder how expensive a gun is. Maybe i will get a job. Save enough for one and some ammo. Then boom.

Talentless hack no more.

Maybe i can get two guns, fire them both at the same time, one for the mouth, one for the top of my head. 

Flawless execution.

And then i’ll get to see my grandpa, finally, again.

(( He’d be sad to see you in such circumstances. He loved you. As much as you loved him. He’d want for you to live a long fulfilling life. You can do it. Just wait a little longer. You’ll get out of here. I swear. I’ll hold your hand the whole way through. I love you. I love you. I love you ))

[owlways-and-forever]

A/N: Alright guys, here we go, another update, finally. Thank you all so much for bearing with me the last few months and waiting for this next update. I can't promise when the next update is going to be, but I'm going to try my very best not to let the updates lapse for more than a month. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, as I enjoyed writing it.

ALSO PLEASE GO CHECK OUT THE NEW BLOG FOR THIS UNIVERSE @thosemarauderboys​​. You can find fancasts of the characters (including OCs) to see what I imagine them looking like, plus fun facts about them, and I’m trying to update with like, images and stuff as well.

Read the previous chapters at the links below, on ff.net, or ao3.

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11,Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14, Ch 15, Ch 16, Ch 17, Ch 18, Ch 19, Ch 20, Ch 21

Ch 22: Sirius’ Remark

"Did you hear those third years talking about their house elves?" James said as the four boys sat down for breakfast in the Great Hall.

"Do people really treat their house elves like that?" Peter asked timidly, and he gave a little shudder. "Daily floggings and such?"

"My family doesn't," James replied, puffing his chest out with pride. "Septimia took care of me when I was a baby – she's my friend. I've never seen Father beat her, and I wouldn't let him if I did."

His eyes blazed defiantly as he looked around at his friends, but none of them questioned him. Sirius' cheeks flushed slightly but none of the other boys noticed.

"I think the whole practice is disgusting," Remus said quietly, pushing his beans around on his plate.

"Why?" Sirius asked, speaking at last.

"It's slavery," Remus answered, looking at Sirius like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But they're not even human," Sirius argued, and James and Remus both furrowed their brows.

"So?" Remus challenged.

"So they're inferior!" Sirius asserted. "House elves, giants, merpeople, werewolves, goblins – I'm surprised we don't make more of them work."

"They still have rights!" Remus replied hotly, his cheeks flaming.

"The right to exist, maybe," Sirius scoffed. "Though I wish Kreacher wouldn't."

Remus stared at him with his mouth agape and his eyes bright with fury. James was looking at Sirius like he'd never seen him before, and Peter scooted slightly father away from him at the bench, as though he were afraid his views might be contagious. Remus shoved away from the table, grabbing his bag and swinging it violently over his shoulder. He stalked off without another word, though even from behind you could see that the tips of his ears were red and his body was practically vibrating with rage. James flashed Sirius a dirty look as he shoved a stray book back into his bag and stood up, grabbing a piece of toast that was topped with beans.

"That's not okay, mate," he said to Sirius, and then turned and followed Remus out.

Peter resumed eating his breakfast in silence, but Sirius felt as though the food he had been eating had turned to ash, and he pushed his plate away, staring at his hands in his lap. He felt like he had monumentally messed up, but he didn't understand. He had never heard anything else, not from anyone in his family, not even Andromeda. He felt confused and angry with himself and angry with his friends.

"Come on," Peter said quietly, not making eye contact, "we don't want to be late for McGonagall's class."

Sirius grabbed his bag and stood with Peter, and the two of them made their way to transfiguration in silence.

Neither James nor Remus acknowledged Sirius for the rest of the day, and Peter only spoke to him when absolutely necessary. But the time dinner was over, Sirius felt alone and very unhappy. Back in the Gryffindor common room, he sat at a table in the back corner writing a letter to Andromeda. A second year girl with tanned kin and dark hair sat across from him and took her books and a roll of parchment out of her bag. Sirius watched her curiously, surprised that she hadn't said anything to him. After a few minutes, she noticed him staring at her, and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Can I help you?" she asked, all sass.

"You didn't ask if it was alright to sit her," he answered, and she snorted out a laugh at his response.

"I'm a second year," she explained, "and you're only a first."

"What if I was waiting for my friends to come over?"

"Your friends are over there," she answered, shrugging and jerking her head in the direction of James, Remus and Peter. "Don't know what happened but it seems like they don't want to sit with you today."

"Why don't you have your own friends to sit with?" he said, eyes narrowing.

'Tristan is in Hufflepuff and Emmeline is at quidditch practice," she replied with another shrug, begin to scratch out her homework on the parchment in front of her. "Benjy is alright, but he can be kind of annoying to do homework with, he's just so smart."

"Oh," he said, not sure what more to say.

"Marlene, by the way," she offered, without looking up at him.

"I'm Sirius," he echoed, but he turned to look at his friends, who were laughing at some joke.

"So what happened?" Marlene asked, raising her eyebrows, though she kept her eyes focused on her work.

"Its…" Sirius began, not sure how to tell her the story without alienating yet another person. He found, however, that once he started, he couldn't seem to stop, needing to get everything out of his system. Marlene listened without interruption, and her face was unreadable the whole way through. When he finally fell quiet, she said nothing at first, the scratching of her quill filling the silence between them, but when she reached the end of the roll, she laid it down and looked up at him, fingers clasped on the table in front of her.

"You're a Black, right?" she considered, and her voice held no trace of accusation much to his surprise. "That's one of those old wizarding families?"

"Yes," he answered sullenly.

"I'm guessing that's the attitude your family takes?" she questioned, and he nodded in response.

"It's not like I think we should beat them all left and right," Sirius argued. "Well, Kreacher deserves his punishments, but only because he's horrid! But if they're doing a good job…"

"What you said, about non-human species being inferior," Marlene frowned at him, "its, well, it's a very old world kind of view. I'm not surprised that it's what you've been brought up to think, a lot of old, traditional pureblood families still believe that. But things are changing, and a lot of people think that those old families are out of touch. House elves, merpeople… they're sentient beings, Sirius, they have social structures and relationships, and they're like us in so many ways. Just because they look different or speak different languages or have different kinds of magic, it doesn't make them inferior to us. They think and speak and feel, just like us. They're not animals."

"How do I fix it?" he asked, with another glance toward his friends.

"Well for starters, you need to actually understand and believe what I've just told you," she answered. "You should read some of the debates about what defines a beast and a being, and see what you think. And then you need to apologize to them, explain that your ignorance led you to make a highly offensive statement, but that you want to become more educated on the subject."

"Okay," Sirius agreed, and he began shoving his belongings into his bag. "Thank you, Marlene."

"Where are you going?" she asked him, and he stood and grabbed his bag.

"The library!" he answered, somewhat excitedly. "I've got a lot of reading to do."

She laughed as he hurried away through the portrait hole. Sirius spent hours scouring the library for everything he could find about the rights of beings and beasts, and once he had a stack that was piled above his head, he found himself a table, and began to pour through the documents. When curfew arrived, he checked out as many of the books as Madam Pince would allow, and he settled himself in a chair by the fireplace, reading until he fell asleep, and then jolting himself awake and reading some more.

Peter was the one who found him in the morning, sometime around 6am, before anyone else had come down for breakfast. He shook Sirius awake, and as Sirius blinked the sleep from his eyes, he saw Peter's gaze scan over the books that had fallen from Sirius' grasp while he dozed.

"Come on, you should change before breakfast," Peter said quietly, and Sirius stood and stretched his arms high above his head.

"No, I should wait until the others have gone down to the Great Hall," Sirius answered in a dejected voice, "they won't want to see me."

"Oh stop, just apologize and it'll be fine. You're not the world's worst monster or anything, you're just ignorant, so just get over yourself," Peter huffed, crossing his arms.

His words took Sirius by surprise, and he was refreshingly startled by the suggestion that maybe he was not a horrible failure of a person, though he knew his family would strongly disagree. With Peter's encouragement, Sirius marched up the stairs and into the dormitory, where Remus was already knotting his tie and James was just stirring from sleep, his hair even messier than it was after he tried to comb it. He cleared his throat carefully, and Remus looked up quickly before returning to the task of properly doing up his tie, but James fixed his dark eyes on Sirius and didn't look away.

"I just... I wanted to say that I'm sorry," Sirius said, his eyes fixed on the floor as he spoke. "I'm an idiot and I don't know anything about what I'm talking about, and it was an incredibly stupid thing to say, I know that now, and I'm trying to learn more to better myself and to improve my outlook on the world."

He thought it sounded quite eloquent in the end, rather better than the bumbling apology that he thought would spill out, and if he hadn't been so worried that it wouldn't be enough, he would probably be very proud of himself.

"Well, I think that's about as fair as you can get," James replied, standing from his bed and clapping Sirius once on the back as he walked toward the bathroom they shared.

Sirius gave him a weak smile, a little bit of relief settling in his gut. He glanced up at Remus, but the other boy was still not looking at him, now focused on pulling his shoes on, though he was trying to put them on the wrong feet, which was Sirius' only indication that he had heard and been at least a little bit affected by his words.

"Other way round, mate," he offered helpfully as he sat down on the edge of his four poster, which was settled in between Remus and James' beds.

He reached into his trunk and pulled out a fresh uniform, tugging off the clothes he had slept in and replacing them with clean ones. He ran one hand carelessly through his curls, glancing in the mirror he had placed on his nightstand to make sure that his hair lay just right. Never let them see you cry, that's what his father always said, always look your best, even if you feel your worst. It was, perhaps, one of the few things Sirius and his father agreed on - displaying your vulnerability made you a target, but if you look like you own the world, well then you probably will.

Throughout the whole day, things between Sirius and James returned to normal, joking and laughing and occasionally mocking Snivellus, but Sirius couldn't help the lead knot in his stomach every time he looked at Remus, who still had not said so much as a word to him. Remus' silence felt moderately less hateful, instead more... moderately chilly, but Sirius still wished his friend would forgive him. It wasn't until the four of them sat on the sofas by the fire later that night and Sirius pulled out one of the books from the library that Remus finally spoke.

"Is that - is that a book about werewolf rights?" he asked, not at all hiding the surprise in his voice.

"Yeah, I... I thought I should become more educated before I talk about things like this," Sirius answered, studying Remus' face.

"And what do you think now, having read more about werewolves?" Remus questioned, and Sirius could hear in its tone that it was a loaded question, but there was more too, a kind of thinly veiled contempt that Sirius couldn't quite understand.

"I think it's a complicated issue," Sirius replied, choosing his words carefully. "I mean, int he case of werewolves, they are dangerous, when they're transformed, so you need to have certain precautions in place. But they're also people, normal wizards like you and me, ninety-nine percent of the time, and they deserve to have the same freedoms, the same place in society, and not be thought of as monsters."

"That's quite the change from yesterday," Remus noted, but his voice sounded more optimistic than before.

"I've learned a lot since yesterday," Sirius answered, locking his eyes on Remus and trying to convey through them all the sincerity in his statement.

"Okay," Remus said, with a slight smile, and Sirius felt something click into place.

He knew in that moment that they were okay, that he was forgiven, at least for this transgression, and that things with his friends could go back to normal. But he also knew that he couldn't become complacent. His conversation with Marlene the night before had enlightened him to how much his family had taught him that he needed to unlearn, and it was a process that would take time and effort. But Sirius knew that he wanted that, to cast off every last vestige of his family's bile and become his own person with his own views, and so, instead of joining James in a game of Exploding Snap, he picked up his book again and he continued to read.

[deythbanger]

Bible Arguments 12

By DeYtH Banger "Our God is good, because he told us he is good. New Yorkers are evil because they are offending his holiness and corrupting our tribe. If you judge our Lenape Lord to be evil, then you are committing blasphemy." - Dan Baker "If we can’t judge God to be bad, then neither can we judge him to be good. To worship God is to judge God. If what look like “bad” actions of God might actually be good, then what look like “good” actions of God might actually be bad, and we are helpless to know the difference. When he tells us he is good, he might be lying, and if believers think he is not, they are judging him. If they can judge God, why can’t I? They say he is good by his decree. I say he is bad by his actions." - Dan Baker "The bible preaches a pessimistic view of human nature. “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”28 There’s that intimidating word “glory.” Notice that biblical wrongdoing is connected not with real human suffering but with offending the deity. We are all bad: “All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.”29 We all deserve to die: “The wages of sin is death.”30 Notice here that death is not viewed as a natural event but as a punishment for the crime of not glorifying the deity. “As in Adam all die, so in Christ shall all be made alive.”31 Without Jesus, we are all doomed." - Dan Baker "…the original sin transmitted to us through Adam. (I never thought of this when I was a preacher, but if “sin” is inherited, is it genetic?) A humanistic view of human nature is neither negative nor positive. It is realistic and optimistic. We recognize that we all fall somewhere across a spectrum of characteristics and tendencies that are a mix of violence and empathy. Some will lean more toward “saint” and others toward “sinner,” but except for a few people at the far end of the curve who are truly mentally unhealthy, most of us are neither wholly “bad” nor wholly “good” by nature..." - Dan Baker "Unlike most believers, most humanists are optimistic about human nature. It’s not that we think we are perfect, or even perfectible, but that we can improve. Many individual genetic predispositions cannot be changed, or cannot be changed easily, but this does not mean that an individual cannot control his or her own actions in spite of those tendencies. This is where education, societal expectation, and humanistic law become useful." - Dan Baker "They are unusual. They are shocking. Most of us, fortunately, are somewhere in the middle of the bell curve and live our lives outside of the headlines. Think of a horrible story you have read in the newspaper or seen on television. When a mother does something unthinkable to her children or a husband brutalizes his wife, what do you think? When a criminal commits a heinous act, what do you say? If you are like me, you say, “What an inhuman thing to do!” We assume that those violent acts reported in the headlines do not reflect basic human nature. We know we are normally kind, empathetic, altruistic, loving, and moral, and that is what makes headlines grab our attention. It is good that most people don’t make it to those headlines. It is only the extreme deviations from the norm that catch our attention, and they shock us because they are not representative of who we really are." - Dan Baker "If you are a believer, is that how you picture yourself? Are you desperately trying to restrain your malicious impulses? If you could get away with it, would you run around like a maniac, looting, destroying property, sexually assaulting, and causing bodily harm? Don’t you simply know that such behavior is a threat to survival? Most human beings who want a good life prefer less violence, less harm. Studies show that societies with less religion are better off,…" - Dan Baker "We can choose to be moral. Instead of making morality a huge mystery, searching for an “absolute standard” or list of rules or external ethical imperative or purpose-driven motivation or other excuse to treat people nicely, why not simply choose to be reasonable, moral, and kind to others? Paraphrasing my Mom: “If you want to be a good person, then be a good person." - Dan Baker "Think about sexuality. The bible says that “God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). It is assumed that Adam and Eve were heterosexual, because they were commanded to “replenish the earth.” Jesus made the same assumption: “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said ‘for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” (This is also sexist, from the male point of view.) In the bible, anything outside of binary heterosexuality is condemned as an abomination. (See Leviticus 20:13, for example." - Dan Baker "Any identity that does not flip to one side of their toggle switch does not exist. This is a cultural color blindness resulting from religion, a failure to see the shades of reality we are looking at. Forcing homosexuals to live as heterosexuals is like me pretending that my garish red outfit was attractive. It is fitting that the gay community uses a rainbow as a symbol." - Dan Baker "Think about evolution. The bible says, “God made the beasts of the earth after their kind,” and creationists interpret this to mean each species was formed independently. All of life is flat, started at the same moment, existing side-by-side, nothing related. How boring! When you can learn to see the beauty of evolution, the interconnectedness of all living things springing from the same ancestor, it opens up a whole four-dimensional spectrum. We can see ourselves in stereo, in context, as cousins to the other apes, as more distant relatives to every other species on the planet." - Dan Baker "Richard Dawkins, in The Extended Phenotype, talks about this shift in perspective as we look at the natural world. He compares it to staring at a drawing of a Necker Cube, where your mind sees a box in one orientation and then surprisingly shifts to the other orientation. Nothing actually changes on the paper—it all happens in your mind—but it feels like something has changed. Two people can be looking at the same facts but “seeing” something entirely different. Fundamentalist creationists perceive a two-dimensional drawing with little depth or meaning, while evolutionary biologists see a three- dimensional image, actually four-dimensional when you consider time." - Dan Baker "A human being, like the human race, appears on the stage as a full person, they imagine. Adam was formed as a grown man, not a boy, child, baby, or fetus. To the true believer, there is no such thing as a half-developed person, just like there can be no half-soul. It is black or white, absolute, colorless. While the gestating human actually moves through a spectrum of developmental stages—in many of which the human is indistinguishable from other mammals—the religious anti-abortionists view the whole scenario not as a process but as an instantly completed creation, all involving a fully human person. The sperm contacts the egg and Presto, “You” are created. A zygote, blastocyst, embryo, or fetus is the same as a breathing baby in their polarized brains." - Dan Baker