#do not try counseling us

[liza-lilly]

Sometimes we feel like people would be better off without us.

Not that we think we'd be better off unalive. Just that people would do better without us.

We are literally such a problem sometimes and we have been doing our best to improve and fix it. We really have. But then we get into this mindset somehow that we talk to a person and we're immediately their favorite person or something. Or we're somehow super close already. Or we will be. And we get closer and closer.

And this person is just silently begging us to go the fuck away. And we just don't take the hint when they're politely telling us stuff. "I'm busy," "I'm doing something," or they are very clearly trying to hold a polite conversation or something but something just feels off about their attitude. Like they're uncomfortable and they won't fucking say it.

We tell them if they don't like something they can tell us. They don't tell us. They probably go off with their friends and vent about us and why we don't go away. They're exhausted, they don't have time for this random that wants to be friends. We aren't as interesting or exciting. Nope, we're annoying.

But when we say people can talk to us we mean we just want to know how we can make them happier and like us more lmfao. So pathetic. But we prefer not to cross boundaries.

But wait! They tell us they don't really want to talk anymore. We get upset. We throw a whole fit. Look at us toxic ass bitches in this system.

Finally we meet someone we don't make the same mistake towards. Where we don't feel obligated to guilt them for walking away this time (even though that was more of an outburst before not actually intended to cause harm but did) we politely let them off with their space this time. They never talked to us since.

But they said they weren't inviting new people to their server that they let us join and shortly after asked us to leave. But wait! Now their bio says to add them to join said server!? Fuck!

You really don't like us do you? Or no, you still felt guilty enough over it to beat yourself up and still refuse to admit to us how you feel about us. But I guess thank you for not blocking us randomly and then trying to come back saying you needed a break and you felt blocking us was the only solution instead of talking about what we were doing wrong.

We can't possibly hope to be the perfect friend but damn we want to try. As long as it doesn't cost us mental strain or you. Because we still actually care about how we feel now. Not letting someone strip us of that again.

But we are so fucking tired of losing friends because of these issues. We're possessive, we're obsessive and we're extra protective. Good for us, we've established that, SET BOUNDARIES OR TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT US DAMMIT.

[sourtomatola]

Ruin gets to kill 50 billion versions of his abuser. As a little treat.

[dearmrsawyer]

sawyer was sick over the weekend so we got some blood tests done and it turns out she is diabetic, she stayed at the vet a couple of nights, it was really strange to be alone in my room those nights. i spend more time with her than anybody. then we were supposed to pick her up thursday morning and they said to come in the evening instead because her glucose was v low. the vet asked me to find a glucose sensor to bring with me that evening, it was a public holiday so i had to find a pharmacy that was actually open. when we went to get her we waited 90 minutes and the sensor was being weird so they said come back later. finally brought her back home at 11pm and the sensor still wasn't working, had to go buy another sensor and bring her back this morning to switch them out, had to leave her there for a few hours so they could switch them and make sure the new one worked, then come back in the afternoon. i've had like no sleep at all this week, its a miracle i kept my eyes open to get training to give her insulin. she's so much better since she came home, even though she's not stabilised yet she very clearly feels heaps better ❤ it was such a relief to have her sleeping on my bed again last night. i was still up all night because i felt like i needed to keep an eye on her because i didn't have the monitor. we'll be in and out a lot over the next couple of weeks while they fine tune her dosage and monitor her levels.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[but-the-library-of-alexandria]

in 2024 I wanna stop hearing about betterhelp

[trujellyfish]

thinking too hard abt how this rise of "mental health" discussion still only seems to focus on the Cute and Quirky symptoms and still demonizes other mental health (personality) disorders

like my carefully curated tumblr space is fine, but everytime i get sucked into insta reels i inevitably see tens of different reels of the same 3 symptoms of autism/adhd

like im glad theyre getting this positive moment but it just kind of fucking sucks to listen to people talk about how they ToTaLlY have a "touch of the 'tism" and ur friends are sending u "relatable adhd memes" so u think u have a little more support and understanding but then u mention how ur struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts and violent/disturbing intrusive thoughts and suddenly everyone's like

😳

whats the matter babe, my mental health problems not palatable enough for you? :/

[daydadahlias]

do you think you being a psychology major has in any way affected the way you write?

ooo what an interesting question!!! i actually do think it's influenced the way I write, especially after taking a Human Sexuality class and an Intimate Relationships class. both of those really inferred how I write 1) smut/sex and 2) how i write relationship conflicts

[milimeters-morales]

im finally getting ads completely in spanish now including the close/exit/proceed/shop now buttons that are on them ^_^ gonna start a journal soon for it as well!

[mudstoneabyss]

ok hi sorry vents about school (or ig just in general) for a moment. long so under a read more

this was my attempt two at doing college bc last time I fucked up (had a psychotic episode and was unable to do work and go to class for weeks and ended up too far behind to catch up and the semester ended before I realized it) and this time I did the exact same thing (except this time I know when the semester ends! it's next week.) and I needed to get a certain high grade This Semester to keep financial aid And Also stay in the college which I'm not and is impossible to fix now so idk what I'm gonna do about that (I Need to talk to my advisor so bade to see if if I drop the classes before it ends I can keep from the academic warning turning to probation, though that doesn't fix the fin aid thing so does it even really matter). the immediate thought is oh well get help but that costs money (or there is some counseling covered by the college. yknow if you're part of the college. which there might be a problem with that) which then leads to try getting a job which I can't do one because nobody contacts you back but mostly because I've had jobs before and guess what. same problem as the schooling babey. then creates the endless cycle of needing psych help to be able to work and needing to work to get money to get psych help. so I have No idea what my options are because I kind of can't do Anything but my parents are very insistent that I Have to do Something either go to school (cant) or get a job (cant). also I'm scared for when they'll have to find out I've completely failed doing schooling because as far as they know I've been doing great and they'll be mad when they learn I've been lying (especially because they've help paid for textbooks and my debt owed for failing last semester). the most frustrating part is that I WANT to do college I've enjoyed when I could do work and especially enjoyed going to in-person classes (something I could only do for one. well hybrid not fully in person. class each semester because of the gas cost + lack of transportation ability from other people in my family having jobs) (I kind of hate online classes).

[violentviolette]

idk why people treat you like an expert on mental illness and not just a tumblr blogger

its not entirely on them tbh, i think ppl are desperate for help in a time when mental health shit is both everywhere but also 90% of it is dead wrong, and so the moment they find somone who is making sense and is accessible they just kind jump in head first which is partly my own doing, like i do very much present myself in this space as someone who is both knowlegeable about mental health and also willing to give advice and speak on topics. so like while i am still very very much just Some Guy and not at all an expert, im also some guy with a college degree in sociology, counseling experience, multiple mental illnesses and almost 20 years experience with multiple different types of therapy and in the system. which i think for a lot of people is more than most of the other sources they're looking at

so like i get why ppl come here and ask me stuff and i dont mind at all, i just wish they would take it with a grain of salt when something i say doesnt apply to them or makes them feel some type'a way

[coquelicoq]

for the asks, what about your worst secondary teacher, your first heartbreak, and your favourite fictional villain?

fuck, marry, kill but instead it’s get them randomly assigned as your lab partner for a whole semester, get trapped with them on a broken elevator for ten hours, and they’re your employee trainer for your new job at McDonalds

this was tough! just to figure out who each of those people would even be. like if heartbreak is a person, i think technically my first heartbreak (and probably also my third) is...me. lol. but let's go with the first person i fell in love with because i broke my own heart when i broke up with her. for the teacher i'm gonna say my choir teacher in high school, who docked my grade because i "don't smile when [i'm] not happy," something i have nursed a deep and abiding resentment over ever since my mom told me about it after parent-teacher night. and for favorite fictional villain i will select gaius baltar of battlestar galactica.

immediate thought is that the choir teacher CANNOT be my mcdonald's trainer. if i don't smile enough for choir, just imagine what he would have to say about me in a service labor environment. NO THANK YOU. but i don't really love the idea of either of the other two scenarios with him either. i was thinking yesterday about how awful it would suck to be stuck in an elevator with someone who needed to fill the silence if that someone had a tin ear, so maybe i'll go with elevator for the choir teacher. at least if he passes the time by singing, i know he'll be good at it.

gaius baltar is a scientist, but i think he would consider lab so far beneath him he might just pretend to have done the experiments and never actually show up. he is always ready to fudge lab results, which would keep me up nights. i do not think that has the makings of a successful partnership. baltar as my mcdonald's trainer though has the potential to be hilarious. he's such a rat bastard, i'd love to see him try to explain to someone how to follow instructions he's probably only aware of insofar as he needs to know what they are so he can flout them. i think that would be very entertaining. that said, if anything goes wrong (which it probably will, as i've just been hired and don't know what i'm doing), he is 100% leaving me out to dry. but i feel like my fellow coworkers would be expecting this and would take me under their wing. we would bond over what a deadbeat turncoat he is.

so this means i'm lab partners with the girl i broke up with. okay, not fabulous. the thing is though that she and i have been...trying to reconnect recently? it's been awkward and emotionally fraught, but we are doing it. we actually have a scheduled weekly phone call lol, so we're already communicating on a regular ongoing basis, as we would need to do as lab partners. one might even say we currently are partners in a lab of ~relationship repair~ and ~emotional maturity~. i saw her in person last week and we made a great team in the grand experiment of Keeping Her Toddler From Being Eaten by a Dog And/Or Falling Into a Ravine. after that, normal lab is basically a cake walk.

[asdpawprint]

So, uhh, I accidentally infodumped to my Mom about nearly every symptom I've been hiding from her for years. Including how young I was when they started. And why each of them makes me worried about my ability to survive in a full time job. And almost started crying while infodumping. Oops.

Luckily, she seemed to react well in terms of not stressing her out too much (which is the reason I hid these things) and taking me seriously instead of thinking I'm exaggerating (which has been a problem in the past but not anymore recently).

I guess I accidentally solved the problem of nobody but me knowing the full extent of my symptoms (and therefore nobody but me believing how bad work is for me). So maybe I can start breaking the habit of hiding them now so I don't make it worse. That's nice.

[respectissexy]

Tumblr is currently serving me an ad for "Voda, the LGBTQ mental health app" offering "daily meditations, self-care and AI advice" and as a therapist I am begging you not to download an app where an AI tries to help you with your mental health. Please do not. They tried to have an AI chatbot counsel eating disorder patients and it told them to diet. That shit is not safe. Do not talk to an AI about your mental health please. You don't need to talk to a professional but talk to a PERSON. Edited to add: OK, it's been a long day and I wrote this when I only had the information that was in the ad. It looks like they may not actually have a chatbot, but something that just... churns out pre-programmed advice? That's genuinely a lot safer! But calling it "AI advice" feels a little misleading. This app may be perfectly fine and safe to use, but should probably stick to the fundamentals that people want from a mental health app and not try to use AI hype to market, since the intersection of AI and mental health support is VERY DICEY and bad shit has happened there before. And you should probably do further research on how they are using your data, since that is also an area where mental health support apps have gone bad before.

[consult-the-college-orbs]

sometimes it's hard having students who are smarter than you are.

I help kids put together essays for their college apps, and my scienciest science kid this year just had the following interaction with me about his summer plans—

him: well, me and my friend were trying to grow a biosensor to detect plasticizers in food, so I ordered the cells online (which is so cool :D!), so then we had to write the DNA from scratch and pour through a ton of examples which took ages (*big eye roll*), but then we had to grow the cells in a shaking incubator we made from scratch :(( and the cells didn’t grow :(((

me: wait, I thought you bought the cells?

him: what?

me: didn't you buy the cells from a company?

him: yeah!

me: so, you got them like... powdered? or a growth medium?

him: no, no, we grew the growth medium. that's what the DNA we wrote was for. We had to insert it into the cells through ~proceeds to explain a process so complicated I can't even pretend to remember it~ in order to create the right protein.

me, faintly: oh

him: anyway, the whole thing was a mess. Can you imagine thinking the most efficient form of plasticizer detection is a color-indicating biosensor? Sometimes it feels like I'll never know anything.

me, an English major: yeah, can't imagine.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[piplupod]

something is very very very wrong with the brain the past few days and i have genuinely no idea what to do. idk if I've ever dealt with this. me when my brain reaches a new level of desperate panic so much so that it ... breaks i guess. cool cool cool. i will continue to try to dissect and fix it tomorrow i suppose. I'm tired y'all