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#do we think he had an eating disorder?
wrmhles · 1 month
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Lt. Ronald Hollenbeck states: Cleven buzzed the tower with my airplane with all four engines feathered. That’s the kind of guy Cleven was. I had just gotten a couple engine replacements, and he didn't get to fly too much being squadron CO, so he comes over and says; "Hollenbeck, let me fly your airplane for you, I'll put some slow time on it" and the next thing I knew, is this God d--n B-17 was coming across just about 25 feet off the runway and I looked up and all 4 engines were feathered. He (Cleven) said "I wanted to do that all my life." (x)
GALE CLEVEN + GAMBLING [part 1/?]
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skunkes · 10 months
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i have soooo much more i cld say abt him, and have explored more thru other doodles, but quick summary of talon's whole deal, which is subject to change still as he's only almost 2 yrs old as an oc
#oc text#obvs sparse description of the events bc i dont mean for it to be gratuitous#even if i decided to explore it further in some medium the focus wouldnt be gratuitous ykwim#not that there werent awful stuff within that but my focus with talon is also more exploration of like#even stuff that isnt a big deal (which it wasnt at first) can effect someone greatly#and then once it does get a bit worse the focus is still more on the effects of how he views himself and the aftermath#AS WELL AS LIKE. well. did i do this to myself? i went back. do i deserve this?#he's a lot like me and the reason i like the self insert dynamic is bc he thinks of cheye as Me If It Didnt All Go Horribly#bc ive not gone thru the Extreme but i have had interactions with ppl who very enthusiastically thought i was ummmm underage!!!#while they were already being creepy toward me and making me nervous abt my safety !#so this isnt ''he's umm 400 but looks 12 bc i want to do weird shit with him 😏'' dude drawing him Fed makes me so sad sometimes...#we're also weird eating buddies <3#and grief buddies <3 he actually further spawned out of my need to deal with a lot of family members passing away in such a short time#severe death phobia buddies...#i still dont know how he really feels about his Old Wrinkly Form btw all i know is he feels safe in it#as much as id love to sway toward ''he thinks he's hot like that. because he is.'' i also dont want to convey the wrong message wrt this#form being due to....disordered eating caused by Issues. ykwim#though! he can shapeshift quite well when he's fed and maybe he'd choose that form willingly if he ever got. Past everything#he does hate that he never gets to actually age...! he wishes he cld age normally like a mortal...(still scared of dying though)#but we cant knoww for certain yet ykwim. maybe he'll let me know soon.#my issue with talon other than i suck at plots is well he has too many of my issues. and. idk how to solve them.#he's growing with me.#oh and have we noticed he's mean to me when *im* being mean to me...MANY such metaphors#ok goodnite
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 5 months
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is it depression or is my appetite gone cause I'm preemptively preparing for when Val gives up on any progress & his relationship for real n starts givin me shit about my weight again
#i mean idk if it's gonna happen but#it might#why do i care what he thinks? ain't that the question#n i mean i know it's not even abt my appearance rly cause he gave me shit about it in my source body too n that one's full heroin chic#it's just abt the control#he likes me weak & he likes it when i starve myself for him#thank fuck our sleep meds make me hungry as hell cause otherwise i wouldn't be eatin at all#just need to make sure i have easy food available so we get some actual nutrition too instead of just junk#even the junk's better than nothing though!#it's not a body image issue for me atm but i'm kinda worried it might turn into one#like pllllssss we already had one ana stint we rly don't need another go at that it fucking sucked#n as a bonus doesn't even make us lose any weight cause our metabolism's fucked lmao#so it'd literally just be me eroding our insides for nothing. except like a brief feelin of satisfaction i guess#i can get that in less dangerous ways too tyvm#so i rly rly hope val's up to speed w/ the way it'd get legitimately dangerous for the body him included. n also make him feel like shit#if he wants that type of control there's other shit he could have me do. nothing i'd like but at least w/ less or no physical harm included#kinda wish my life wasn't like 80% harm management at this point but. it is what it is.#at some point it's gonna change. someone else is gonna take over.#all i havta do is keep shit running w/ as little long term damaga as possible til then#can my sedatives fucking do smth my heart's still fucking pounding for no reason uggghhhh#spdrvent#disordered eating cw
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queertransetc · 1 year
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- ED trigger warning -
Being skinny ruined my life. If you’re thin and think to yourself, “why don’t fat people just lose weight?” Please read this
I was the “ideal fat” in the sense that I did everything skinny people wanted me to do. I tried every diet in the book. I exercised regularly. I worked with doctors and dietitians to figure out the best way to lose weight. But nothing worked. I did everything “right” to lose weight, and my weight stayed the same
But the thin people in my life kept telling me that I wouldn’t be happy, attractive, healthy, etc. until I lost weight. So, heartbroken, I came to the conclusion that anorexia was the only option left. It felt safer than bariatric surgery, and was obviously much more affordable
I became the perfect anorexic. 700 cal a day or less, except once a week I allowed myself 1400 cal. For reference, my body required at least 2800 to maintain weight, and at least 1800 to keep my organs and stuff fully functioning. Still, 700 a day, I persisted because everyone in my life told me weight loss was all that mattered. If dieting didn’t work, anorexia had to
And it did. My weight dropped all the way down to 110 pounds. I was skinny - underweight, even - in all sense of the word. The people in my life saw it as a miracle. The ultimate success story. My mother, my “friends,” my doctors, they all congratulated me on my accomplishment
When I confessed my eating disorder to my doctor, he told me, “that’s not the best way to go about it, but I’m glad you lost the weight.” My mother took pictures of me and sent them to relatives to brag
Okay, great. I was skinny. I did what I set out to do. But there were severe consequences
The most obvious was my joint pain doubled, maybe even tripled, to the point that I couldn’t leave the house without a wheelchair
I also developed several health complications, including fatty liver disease and extremely painful GERD. I had to see a handful of specialists and get an endoscopy because of severe stomach pain
My partner, who was the only person who saw my weight loss for what it was (a horrible thing that only happened because of an eating disorder), convinced me to enter a recovery program
For nearly a year, I relearned how to feed myself. I ate everything I was told to eat, nothing more and nothing less. My diet was 100% in the hands of somebody else
And I gained back every pound I has lost. All of the work to become thin went right out the window. It was proven to me that thinness and health were incompatible with my body. If I wanted to be thin, I had to forgo my physical and mental well-being. And vise-versa
Prior to the anorexia, I never once struggled with binge eating. I was naturally an intuitive eater, and I did a good job of having a well rounded diet. After the anorexia, after recovery, I developed a binge eating disorder. I had spent so long starving myself, that my brain and body got stuck in survival mode, desperate to consume any and all calories out of fear that I might starve again. To this day I struggle with binge eating
I did everything thin people wanted of me. I dieted. I exercised. And when all else failed, I starved myself. Now I have liver disease, stomach issues, and BED. Not to mention the loads of mental issues that accumulated as a result of my weight loss journey. During the throes of my anorexia, I had to be hospitalized for suicidal ideation
When you tell fat people to “just lose weight” you are suggesting they give themselves illnesses for which treatments are not always effective. You are asking fat people to destroy their stomachs and livers. When a fat person loses so much weight that they become skinny, they are likely giving up so much of their health in efforts to be treated like a human being
If you’re thin, do your part. Treat fat people like people before we tear our bodies apart
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miley1442111 · 4 months
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(part 4) wrong choice, wrong move-a.donaldson
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a/n: fem reader but as per usual, imagine what you like :)
summary: when you find out about his betrayal and how your relationship truly ends. (dw there are more parts after this :))
pairing: art donaldson x reader
warnings: angst, feelings of disappointment, hurt, allusions to an eating disorder, depression, fainting, cheating, etc. +
PART 4 of 12
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Art was a shell of his former self. His eyes were constantly blood-shot and sunken, he was losing weight, his mindset was fucked, the works. Yet, you seemed perfectly fine. Your tennis had never been better, your grades were excellent, and you were focusing on yourself. Well, you were trying to, it was pretty difficult when Art Donaldson was constantly over your shoulder, wondering when he could apologise and make things right. You two had promised that you’d go no-contact for a few weeks, giving time to allow the fresh cuts to heal over and then you’d be there for each other after. That ‘no-contact’ lasted a day. Then Art was at your door sobbing his eyes out, and you had to let him in. 
“I`’m so sorry to show up like this,” he sighed, tears rolling down his cheeks as he rested his head on your chest, his arms holding you close to him as you played with his hair. 
“It’s alright Art,” you promised him. You missed him just as much as he missed you but you were hurt. You wanted a change in behaviour, not just some pretty tears and kind words. “Seriously, we promised we’d be there for each other.”
Art let out a choked sob into your chest and you held him tighter. “It's ok, I’m always going to be here for you.”
“I’m so sorry,” he cried into your chest. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” you whispered, trying to calm him down. “Art you can’t keep doing this to yourself, you have to move on,” you sighed. “I’m not that special.”
His eyes met yours in a disapproving glare as he stood up, pacing your dorm. “You’re so special. You’re so incredibly interesting and smart and driven and I fucking love you! I fucking love you so much that I show up at your dorm room every fucking day looking like a fucking loser and making you comfort me because I fucked up! You’re off doing your own thing, being amazing and I barely do anything anymore! I feel like I can’t breathe when you’re not around, like I can’t think when you’re not there. I need you Y/n. So yes, you’re pretty fucking special to me!” 
The room was silent. 
“Art, just calm down love,” you sighed, trying to coax him to calm down. 
“I’m not calming down. I want you, I want you more than anything-”
“Art that’s not fair,” you snapped. You were angry now. It’s exhausting watching someone be this blind to their own faults. “Art, we broke up because you constantly choose Tashi over me. That’s on you! You need to move on!”
“Have you?!” He shouted back. 
“I can’t when you’re clinging to me like a fucking baby!” You shouted. “Go to your friends, not your ex-girlfriend Art! We broke up and maybe yeah, it was your fucking fault but I’ve been really nice trying to not hurt you more because I love you!-”
“Then why are we broken up!?” His voice cracked.
“Because I’m sick of being your second choice!” You screamed. 
Art was quiet. He grabbed his jacket from the bed and left your dorm, leaving you to fall apart on your own. 
Since Art had felt, your world had grown quieter and quieter, you became more distant to those around you, you were unhappy, you ate less, you trained more, probably too much. 
But what else were you supposed to do? 
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You showed up to the Challenger ready to win, despite the clear exhaustion you showed with your sunken and dark eyes, horrible posture, and constant yawning. 
Art was shocked. He hadn’t seen you in weeks. You were significantly slimmer, you looked awful to be honest, and he knew it was his fault. 
You served first, Tashi against you. The serve was good, not your best, but you two were playing real tennis. 
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The ball hit the court and the game was over, you’d won, once again. Art and Patrick cheered discreetly from the stands as Tashi smashed her racket in anger. You didn’t even celebrate, just running to the bathroom and into a stall, sitting on the closed seat and passing out. 
You were severely damaging yourself. Your entire team knew you were not safe to be playing, but they knew you were at your prime to go pro, so they ignored it. Everyday was like an uphill battle, one that you were losing. 
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“Art!” Tashi shouted as Art rambled about how ill you looked. “I don’t fucking care about her form, or how she looked! If she’s ill, how come she beat me?!” 
Art stayed silent. 
“I cannot believe I fucked you at that party,”  Tashi sighed, her head in her hands. You gasped and hid behind the door, stopping your hitting partner from walking into the warm-up court. 
Art and Tashi had fucked the night of the party. The party that you and Art were late to because he fucked you before it. 
He’d cheated on you. 
What?
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You walked into the court, head high in spite of the dizzy feeling in your head.
“Good game, sorry I had to run off earlier, I felt sick,”you explained to Tashi, holding your hand out for her to shake.
"Good game," she grumbled. You caught a glimpse of the horror on Art's face. You'd heard. He was never getting you back, not now, not ever.
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art donaldson masterlist :)
navigation for my blog :) (criminal minds, obx, the bear, marvel, top gun, the hunger games, challengers :)
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thistlecatfics · 4 months
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Talking about Incest in Public
(both the painful traumatic kind and the hot fictional kind)
As it turns out, lots of the people who read and write taboo fiction have survived some deeply fucked up shit. After talking about incest with other survivors on the Moon, Sun & Stars discord and answering questions, I decided to share more about my experiences and the things that helped me survive and the things that helped me heal, because there are a lot of us, and a lot of us feel very alone, and maybe there are other people who aren’t incest survivors but who might want to know more to better support the survivors in their life.  
Incest is not just a sexual act between two family members -- it's a larger system of absence of boundaries within a family, and it's almost always part of multiple incestuous dynamics, even if only one might be the obvious or explicit dynamic. 
If you’re an incest survivor, you’re almost certainly not the only one in your family. 
-
“The true characteristics and dimensions of incestuous abuse have been masked by the taboo and silence that have surrounded its occurrence. Recent research demonstrates that incest occurs regularly in our society, perpetrated by individuals who, for the most part, would otherwise be regarded as fairly normal. The taboo on incestuous relations is a deterrent to some would-be perpetrators but not to others. The taboo contradicts the reality of incest prevalence, a fact which led Armstrong (1978) to comment that th taboo has been on the open discussion of incest and not on its perpetration.”
-Christine Courtois, “Healing the Incest Wound: Adult Survivors in Therapy” 
To use my family as an example - 
My (similarly aged) brother did sexual things to me as a kid, and I had a range of reactions to it including pleasure and enjoyment. And confusion. And fear. I do not think he is bad or even what he did was bad. I think we were both two kids who existed in a family with incestuous dynamics, and we were both shaped by those dynamics and trying our best to survive. 
From a young age, I existed as a physical comfort object to my mom (when she was sad she'd get into my bed to hold me until she felt better while I dissociated), and I took on the idea that my role in the family was for my body to be used to make other people feel good. The sexual behavior by my brother felt like an extension of how my mom held me. 
My mother was the victim of incest from her uncle, and her parents sided with her uncle over her when she spoke out about it (even after he was facing legal consequences for his behavior with kids outside of the family) (even after he fled the country). She didn't know how to emotionally regulate herself, and I don't think she had (or has) the capacity to understand a child's need for physical autonomy and boundaries because her own were never respected. 
There were other incestuous behaviors and dynamics within my family which I'm continuously discovering and unpacking. I think my mom’s uncle abused my grandmother too but I’ll never know for sure. It’s deeply uncomfortable to look back on a happy family story or a childhood nickname and see something sinister underneath and wonder if you’re being paranoid or if it’s actually that bad.  
Things that have helped: 
Long term relational therapy (5+ years). EMDR. Adopting a cat. Adopting more cats. Antidepressants. Reading about incest (realistic, terrifying, academic). Reading about incest (fictional, hot, amateur). Being a competitive athlete. Getting a graduate degree. Going on long walks late at night. Telling my family I had Covid so I could skip a family vacation. 
These books specifically: Healing the Incest Wound by Christine Courtois, The Myth of Normal, Dissociation Made Simple, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, The Narcissistic Family Unit, Clementine Morrigan’s writing x1000. 
The protector parts: Eating disorder. Self harm. Drinking. Perfectionism. Depression. Suicidal ideation. I’m grateful to these imperfect protectors I’ve leaned on over the years. 
Things that have not helped: 
You will be shocked to hear that people on the internet yelling about how people who find fictional incest hot are disgusting and bad and dangerous did NOT in fact help me unlearn the belief that experiencing incest made me disgusting and bad and dangerous. Luckily, I’m built of spite. But it certainly did not help. 
(If I think about my vulnerable pre-teen/teen self reading those things, I become deeply angry. How dare you hurt her in the name of protection.)
- I don’t cater to all these vipers Dressed in empath’s clothing God save the most judgmental creeps Who say they want what’s best for me Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I’ll never see
-Taylor Swift, But Daddy I Love Him
-
After I discovered fanfiction in middle school, and then after I realized that there was a world beyond OFC/Draco Malfoy fic, I read a lot of Blackcest. I devoured any I could find, hopping through rec lists on LiveJournal. 
Reading Blackcest fics, first Bellatrix/Sirius then Sirius/Regulus mostly, allowed me to see my experiences reflected. Those fics gave me a way to contextualize my family and my role in it. I hate the expectation that kids who experience bad things should go to a safe trusted adult rather than find art that romanticizes their experience. The whole point is that there isn’t a safe trusted adult. The whole point is that I needed the art. I got to hold the romanticized narrative until I got far enough away that I could put it away in a box until I had enough therapy that I could safely open the box and build a new, more honest story. 
Obviously plenty of people love incest smut and fic and art. It’s taboo! It’s angsty! It’s a classic! Probably most of those people don’t have direct personal experience with incest in their families. I’m glad they read and write fics too. 
But for me – have you ever experienced something you believe so strongly you will never be able to say aloud? That any time you see your secret referenced it’s in shock and disgust and revulsion? You can pretend – you’re very good at pretending – but you know it’s real, and you know it’s your secret you’ll hold onto for the rest of your life while the world reminds you how disgusting you are? 
Then you find that people are writing about what you experienced in a thousand variations that all contain some nugget of your truth.
I cannot express in words how important it was that I found those stories at that time. 
I never commented on a single fic. I never made a single account on any of the sites I read fanfiction on. I clicked the “yes I’m 18” box without hesitation every time. I wish I could go back in time and have my adult self articulate the enormity of my gratitude for each and every author who helped save me whose work exists on sites I can only revisit with the Wayback Machine. 
I understand why people might feel horrified at the idea of a 11-12 year old reading smutty incest Harry Potter fanfic. People aren’t wrong for feeling that way. 
That said, I truly don’t care what people who aren’t incest survivors think.
I’m so proud of that child for finding a way to survive. She might have hated herself, might have fantasized about death, but she survived and kept the truth of her experience wrapped up in a fictional world where it could be safe to explore and kept it there until years and years of therapy made it possible to engage with it in reality. 
- I’m a real tough kid I can handle my shit They said, babe, you got to fake it till you make it And I did
-Taylor Swift, I Can Do It With a Broken Heart -
No one is writing about incest the way Clementine Morrigan is right now. I’m so grateful for her. I’m not sure this little tumblr post would exist without her essay series. 
"Incest functions as a spell of unreality. A structure of nothingness. A completely normal and unremarkable family life in which something unnameable is ominously and terrifyingly wrong. You know in the summer when you can see the heat making the air go squiggly? Imagine those squiggles as an indication that in the seeming nothingness, there is something there. Incest is like that. Subtle, pervasive, unthinkable, unnameable. But present, felt.
As a teenager I came up with this metaphor: Imagine you are in a house full of bugs. There are bugs crawling all over all the walls and all the furniture and in your food and even on the fork you are lifting to your mouth. And you feel disgusted, you feel like something is really wrong. But your whole family is acting completely normal, laughing and eating and talking as bugs crawl over their faces and into their mouths. When you tell them you think there are bugs in your food your family says it’s just pepper and not to worry about it.
There is no way to talk about incest without feeling that you are lying. This is because incest lives in the realm of unreality and everything in the realm of unreality cannot be thought or said or named. When you speak of things that happen in the realm of unreality it will always feel like a lie and be treated like a lie. You are breaking the fundamental rule. You are not allowed to talk about what goes on in the realm of unreality because it isn’t real."
Read more and pay for her writing if you can on her substack.
-
Without a doubt, the not-explicitly-sexual incest from my mom fucked me up more than the explicitly sexual incest from my brother, but I only feel confident claiming the incest survivor label because sexual stuff was done to me by a family member, and I still feel like I’m lying sometimes because it wasn't bad enough to count. 
I’m a literal mental health clinician who can map out various incestuous dynamics within my family and who has clear memories of a family member doing sexual stuff to my child body, and I still feel like I’m lying. 
I believe you if you feel like a liar because I bet you do. I believe you if the incest never included anything directly physical. I believe you if you enjoyed it. I believe you if you don’t remember but feel like it’s true. 
I love us. 
If we’re monsters, I love our courageous monstrosity.
If we’re liars, I love the way we make up stories to survive when reality is impossible. 
If we’re an uncomfortable truth, good. 
-
It still impacts me. I’m not over it. 
It’s very difficult for me to imagine love that does not include violation. To be loved and to be allowed to maintain a self. 
But I’m open to learning otherwise, and that openness is new. 
-
I was so, so good at living in unreality. I could make myself perfect, such a flawless object until I couldn’t think of anything except killing myself, but even then I still maintained the image of perfection my family expected. 
It’s cool I never actually killed myself. 
I find it hard to be around my family now. There are advantages of living in unreality. I drink a lot more when I’m around my family than I ever did before, but I don’t think about killing myself nearly as much. Reality is worth it. Being able to exist as a person is worth it. 
- I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.
-Sylvia Plath
- I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid. (I insist.)
It didn’t kill me then. It’s not going to kill me now. (I remind myself.) 
My life is worth living, and there are fights worth fighting, and it is undeniably true the world is full of horror, but it is good to write and create and be alive, and it is good to try. I’m a little afraid to post this, but the fear and shame isn’t mine to hold, and I never should have been the one holding it. 
Consider this a thank you note sent out to the universe in the hopes the sentiment echoes towards those authors who saved me then and to all the writers who are saving people now. Your art matters. No matter how weird or niche or dismissed or hated it is. It matters. 
Thank you.
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theoldsports · 5 months
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SOUR.
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Art Donaldson x Reader (Patrick Zweig x Reader) | SORRY series | 4.2k words
it’s finally here by popular demand. Patrick has entered the plot. this is set before all of the prior chapters, two days before the Donaldson wedding. can be read as part of the SORRY SERIES (read more episodes of their lives here) or on its own. lemme know if you’d like to be on the taglist.
warnings: 18+. angst. it’s brutal angst. more than allusions to Patrick’s canonical use of hard drugs. rehab, allusion to an OD, mention of Art’s disordered eating patterns. they’re bad for each other in a good way. the Donaldsons have a friendly dog. coveting another man’s wife. discussion of niche sexual fantasies. making out. biting. tornados/extreme weather. running away from your problems.
“Art?”
“Nngh.”
“Artie, wake up.”
“‘M up. Fhhh… ‘m up. What’s the matter?” Art grumbled with half shut eyes. “Somethin’ wrong?” He whispered even though they were alone. It was nighttime which meant whispering to Art.
“I don’t like this storm.”
What a sign that storm should have been.
Art smirked. “We’re getting married in, like, three days and you’re worried about the weather?”
“There’s a tornado warning. Or watch. Whichever the worse one is. I saw it on the news.”
Art frowned. “You ever been through a tornado?”
“No.”
Art rolled over from his position in [Y/N]’s arms to face her nose to nose. “I have. A lot. Close your eyes,” he commanded softly. His arm slotted into the dip of her waist and pulled her closer. “Close ‘em for me. That’s it, that’s it.” He coaxed as she followed his directions.
“I don’t see what this has to do with—“
“Shh, listen,” they both got quiet. Rain pelted against the windows. Wind whistled. Branches cracked and crunched. Thunder boomed. [Y/N] could see the gleam of lightning even behind her eyelids. “Hear it?”
“Which part?”
“All of it.”
“Yeah.”
“Great. Congrats. Your ears are workin’ best as they can,” Art teased to try and get his fiancé to crack a smile. “Now, which one’s the loudest? Which of the sounds?”
“You breathing.”
“I’m flattered. Which one outside?”
[Y/N] listened. “Right now? The rain, I think.”
“We’re in the clear for now. Let me know when the wind’s louder. Like that real, real crazy whooshing, whistling sound. When it starts whipping like that, we’ll go in the bathroom and lock the doors, yeah? Hell, we can head in now if it would make you feel better?”
“What if I fall asleep before the weather gets worse?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll stay awake,” Art yawned. “How about I get you up if I notice a disturbance. I gotta take care of my wife, right?”
“I’m not your wife.”
Art sighed. “…I know. I’m just practicing.”
Fortunately, no tornado ever touched down. And Art was still there when [Y/N] woke up.
It always amazed her that Art was still there everyday. For every nasty thing she said to him that she didn’t mean, every argument where she told him Patrick was right, every tennis match won or lost, every natural disaster, every tear shed. Art was there for all of it. He liked the bad moments as much as the good ones because it meant simply more time spent by [Y/N]’s side. He wasn’t going anywhere. Ever.
It was too much power, [Y/N] frequently thought, that she had over Art.
[Y/N] faced Art and brushed his strawberry blonde hair away from his forehead. Art often looked exhausted. He wore his tiredness on his face and shoulders. The exhaustion of constantly chasing, people-pleasing and being a professional athlete could destroy a kid. Art wore it like a Boy Scout badge. [Y/N] could watch him look relaxed forever. It was so rare he looked like that.
“Good morning, guard dog,” [Y/N] whispered. Art stirred. She could tell he was awake even though his eyes were shut due to that crease the reappeared between his eyebrows. It was never not there in his waking moments. Slowly, Art’s hand crept up and gently clutched [Y/N]’s wrist. Art used his grip to slide [Y/N]’s hand down his own drowsy face. He planted a kiss on her palm before tiredly looking at her. “Good morning.” She repeated to him.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” [Y/N] replied. Gray sunlight filtered through the window. “You ready for today?” She smirked.
“What’s today?”
“Patrick’s in town.”
Art dramatically threw his arm over his face and groaned. “I thought he was in tomorrow… Everything was so peaceful… And quiet,” Art mumbled into his elbow. He couldn’t keep a straight face for long and resolved into a soft laugh. “Whose babysitting?” He asked, peering his blue and brown eyes over his arm.
“I’m picking up the cake today, so I figured I could use his strength.”
Art sat up a bit. “You’re getting it today?”
“In the later afternoon, yeah. Why?”
“It’s gonna be, like, stale.”
[Y/N] glanced over at Art. “If we had gotten cupcakes like I wanted, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“You’re such a little jerk.” Art teased.
“Me!” [Y/N] gasped. “It doesn’t even matter because it’s not like you’re gonna eat it anyway because you don’t eat anything.”
“Little jerk!” Art said with his crooked smile widening. He leaned in, slotting an arm over her. “You heard me. You’re a little… troublemaking jerk.” Art’s nose almost pressed against hers.
“Oh yeah? Why are you marrying me then, hm?”
“…You’re pretty,” Art grinned almost timidly, bowing his head. His flat vocal timber sounded like the verbal equivalent of a blush. “Like, really, really pretty. Even if you suck.” Tenderly, Art leaned the rest of the way in to kiss [Y/N]. Once and then twice and then seven times. Maybe fourteen.
And they would have stayed like that all day.
They would have.
BANG BANG BANG.
Like gunshots.
Their lips parted and they held long eye contact. They paused. They sighed.
“Patrick.” They both said.
With a bend of his arms, the full weight of Art’s toned body collapsed on top of [Y/N]’s.
“Pretty baby!”
“No. ‘M pretending he’s not out there,” He laid flat on her, head on her chest. “Can’t go anywhere now.”
BANG BANG BANG on the front door again. Cheese, the couple’s Labrador mix barked at the sound from downstairs.
“Art!”
“Mhm-mm. Nope. Too bad. Sucks for Patrick.”
[Y/N] huffed. “You’re upsetting the dog.”
“He’s upsetting the dog,” Art started to laugh. “He showed up early. I’m just laying here. Hey, hey!” Art jeered as [Y/N] wiggled out from underneath him from backwards. She tried to inch away off the side of the bed. Her shoulders slumped against the carpet, while Art held her legs in place on the bed. [Y/N] dangled in a half on-half off sort of way. Her oversized Stanford t-shirt rolled up during the drama, exposing her breasts to Art. Unashamed, he stared.
[Y/N] twisted her foot into the side of Art’s face, causing a small cry of disgust from him. Just enough chaos for her to slip away. Without hesitation, she tossed the lightweight door open and skittered down the stairs with Art’s long gate keeping pace behind her. His arms reached out in an attempt to grab her. “He’s early! He can wait! He’s never been early in his whole fucking life!” Art laughed. Cheese jumped and barked at the hysteria.
The chase continued until [Y/N]’s hand hit the doorknob and chain. She unlocked it immediately. As [Y/N] ripped the door open, Art’s arm encircled her waist yanking her to the side with the force of his momentum, causing her to laugh with glee.
And on the other side of the door was Patrick Zweig.
Smiling impishly, Patrick took in the disheveled appearances of his two favorite people. He bit the inside of his cheek. “Nice boner.” Patrick smirked at Art, while he pulled [Y/N] into a side hug.
Art didn’t have a boner, or at least a proper one. But the comment was enough to get Art to look. He rolled his eyes and pulled Patrick in for a hug. Cheese ran over to the door for attention, when Art greeted Patrick.
Art closed the door. Patrick ducked down to greet the Labrador too. He liked Cheese, but wouldn’t necessarily choose to be around a dog in his free time the way that Art and [Y/N] did. Cheese really liked Patrick, much to his chagrin, so he pretended to be nice. While Patrick sat on the floor with the animal, he looked up at his best friends. “What’s with the clothes? You just get up?” Art with no shirt in just tube socks and boxers, and [Y/N] in Art’s old college shirt and underwear. They had all seen each other like this so many times growing up that no one particularly cared that the future Donaldsons looked so post coital. It was pretty normal. Patrick’s smirk sliced further across his unwashed face with the ghost of a laugh. “Were you guys fucking?” He said like a horny teenager.
[Y/N] laughed hard and kissed her lifelong best friend on top of the head on her way to make a pot of coffee in the kitchen. “No.” Art sighed in disappointment, flopping onto one of the barstools in the kitchen. This disappointment was either disappointment in Patrick for asking, or disappointment in the lack of sex due to Patrick’s arrival. It was Patrick’s fault either way.
When the dog got bored, Cheese wandered into the kitchen for nonexistent scraps. Patrick pulled up a chair next to Art and dropped his backpack on the floor. “How’s it going, man? You look good. Feeling ready?” He asked, leaning forward to tap Art across his bare knee.
Art nodded as if it say it’s a sure thing. “Thanks. We miss you. We appreciate you being here. It means a lot.”
“I appreciate you being here,” [Y/N] cut in. “Because you’re in my half of the wedding party.” She and Art were always in constant competition over who loved Patrick more. Art wanted him to be his best man. [Y/N] won out, though, having known him since the age of seven and Art only since age twelve.
“Ladies please. Not all at once.” Patrick said. He stood from his chair and wrapped his long arms around [Y/N] in a proper hug finally. Briefly, his chin rested on her head. He stopped before it went on too long.
“Good to see you, kid. How’s it going?” At two months older, [Y/N] had been calling Patrick ‘kid’ diminutively for almost two decades. It was cuter before he got so tall.
“I called you yesterday.” He replied dryly, stepping back to look at her. [Y/N] noted Patrick’s intimately familiar eyes. Too wide, pupils too dilated. Hm. He wore a long sleeved sweater and jeans. And dirty tennis shoes.
“You bring something nicer than this for Saturday?” She teased, pulling on one of his holey sleeves.
Art snorted at Patrick’s expense and cracked a smile. His freckled elbows leaned onto the counter. “Yeah, yeah. I’m here for two seconds, ‘n you’re already giving me tsuris?” Patrick quipped to [Y/N].
“Tsuris… Never thought I’d say it, but you sound like your mom, Patrick.” [Y/N] scoffed. Art snorted a laugh too.
Patrick frowned. “Guess I have to kill myself then.” He joked harshly to more laughter from the other two. M
“Yep. Have some coffee. Both of you. I’m going to put pants on.” [Y/N] turned away and moved to the stairs.
“Aw, do you have to?” Patrick called after her. [Y/N] tossed a middle finger up over her shoulder as she walked away. Art hissed at Patrick’s comment.
“Do you have to flirt with my wife?” Art sneered without malice.
Patrick smiled that boyish small, wicked, unassuming smile. “She’s not your wife yet.” He snapped back. Art smiled at him in return. The two held each other’s gaze adorned with sick grins for a moment before both of them dissolved into laughter. Everything was a competition, but it was only real if they brought it up.
Fast forward a few hours and Patrick and [Y/N] were in the car. Art had taken off for a haircut because his mom thought he looked like a messy little punk and wedding pictures were forever. [Y/N] drove because Patrick drove too fast and without mercy. He had a sports car once when he was in school and still spoke to his parents daily and had notably wrapped it around a telephone pole and walked out without nary a scratch. How’s that for nine lives?
[Y/N] had a sedan.
She and Patrick both held a cigarette out each of their respective windows as she drove.
“You should really quit, y’know.” She told Patrick.
He leaned over and blew smoke in her face. “Yeah, I’ll quit when you do.”
Patrick’s rude gesture didn’t bear acknowledging. “It’s different. You’re an athlete. I watch movies and review them for a living. It’s expected of me. You… you’re making your performance actively worse. You’re kneecapping yourself by choice.” [Y/N] explained.
“I’m good enough to take the hit.”
[Y/N] laughed and took a drag of her cigarette, asking it out the window. “And you’re arrogant enough to make that comment. Sometimes I look at you and you’re still thirteen. I swear to God. It’s fuckin’ funny,” she said. It was quiet for a moment. “Art, though. He doesn’t smoke anymore.”
“I don’t believe you,” Patrick replied immediately with a wild look in his eye. That was apparently a big surprise. “He’s totally lying to you. There’s no way—“
“Nope! Quit on his own too. He just decided he was done with it one day and got all pro-athlete about it.”
“Y-you’re wrong! You’re so wrong. He’s a liar. Last time I was in town, we—“
“No. No fucking way,” [Y/N] shook her head in manic disbelief. “When you came by to—“
“Mhm. Yep. On the patio. You didn’t notice?”
[Y/N] shook her head. “No sense of smell because of… I’m a smoker. I just… He’s such a shit.”
“A shit and a hypocrite!” They both laughed. When the glee dampened naturally and the cigarette butts were pitched out the window, Patrick looked over at [Y/N]. One good, long look. “You ready for Saturday?” Patrick asked because he was a masochist.
[Y/N] found herself often thinking back on this moment. Was this when it had gone wrong beyond repair?
[Y/N] sighed. She would only ever tell Patrick and maybe Art this. “Yes and no.”
“Oh?”
“Don’t say it like that. I have been ready to marry Art since I was, like, seventeen years old. It is unfathomable to me how much love I am capable of giving him, y’know? If he wanted the Mona Lisa, I’d be robbing the Louvre tomorrow. He’s it for me,” she said. Patrick faked a smile very convincingly and nodded for her to go on. “What I’m not looking forward to is everyone I know being in the same room at the same time. I don’t like other people except you and Art. And my editor. That’s about it.”
“You’re not at all worried about spending all that time married to someone?” Patrick tried to jab at her with his words while he scratched his right forearm.
“Not with Art.”
“Wow. That’s awfully grownup of you.”
“Yeah, well. I’m a grownup. With a smokin’ hot fiancé. And he actually cares if I live or die. Isn’t that crazy? My parents weren’t like that with each other. It’s… Am I allowed to say how grateful I am to you for bringing him home for break that one time, or is that stupid?”
“It’s kinda stupid,” he agreed teasingly. In reality, he wanted more than anything to put himself out of his misery. My fault, my fault, my fault. The words looped in Patrick’s head on constant repeat. He wanted to rip his skin off for so many different reasons. He couldn’t take it and he was trapped. Fuck.
Patrick scratched his right forearm again.
“Truth or dare?” Patrick slurred. He was twenty-one and drunk for [Y/N]’s birthday. She, Art and Patrick sat on the disgusting archaic carpet in Art’s dorm room.
“Uh, truth.” [Y/N] said too soberly to sober.
“Boring!” Art said, putting his hand on [Y/N]’s thigh.
Patrick took a long swing of his beer while he thought. “Okay, okay. What’s your weirdest sexual fantasy?” He asked.
“Ew.” [Y/N] wrinkled her nose.
Art thought the question was epic, but wasn’t going to facilitate his girl’s discomfort. “Hey, it’s her birthday, she doesn’t have to—“
“Um, no. I’ll do it. This is an actual dream I had. I think about it kinda all the time. Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud. It so dumb. So, it’s Art and I’m sitting at the kitchen table with coffee or something. And Art… sings me Happy Birthday like Marilyn Monroe did for JFK. And he’s dressed like Marilyn, but like a boy. No dress, but like the boy version of that look. Then we fuck. That’s weirder than you wanted. That was weird, right?” [Y/N] rambled.
Art leaned in closer to her. They were all drunk as skunks and he couldn’t help bite his lip. His arm pulled her closer to him. Art was handsy when drunk, they were all learning.
“Whose Jackie O?” Patrick asked.
“No Jackie O. And I’m not JFK. He’s just Marilyn. Gentlewomen prefer blondes.” [Y/N] had laughed so hard at that while she tangled her fingers in Art’s sandy hair.
The car ride to get cake and the drive back was the last proper conversation [Y/N] and Patrick had. The pair got home. Nothing seemed unusual to [Y/N] at all. They talked the whole time without any dry spells. The cake, in pieces to be assembled, was carefully toted in and placed way out of the way from disaster. Patrick took his bag to the bathroom, claiming he was going to shower.
[Y/N] shouted after him. “You know where the towels are!”
Patrick looked back over his shoulder at her with a smirk and closed the bathroom door behind him.
And he went out through the bathroom window.
[Y/N] had no idea he had gone until she heard his car start. For a minute, she thought it was the neighbors. She walked halfway down her hallway and saw the bathroom door open. No running shower water, no half nude Patrick shaving or something. She ran back down the hall and glanced out the kitchen window and watched his new white SUV whip out of the driveway.
[Y/N] stood there for several minutes. Staring and staring and staring after him. Not a single effort to move. The first thing she did was pick up her blue slidephone from beside the sink. She called Art, not Patrick. Patrick made his choice.
[Y/N] hadn’t realized she was crying when Art picked up on the other line.
“Honey? Honey, you there? You buttdial me?” Art said. [Y/N] thinks he said shit like that for several moments before she spoke. She just faced the window and stared for what felt like ages.
“Patrick’s gone.”
“Hm?”
“Patrick’s gone.”
“What do you mean he’s gone.”
“He climbed through the bathroom window and drove off. We-we didn’t have a fight. Or-or… He just left. Like it was nothing.”
“I’m on my way. Stay where you are.”
Art rushed back in his blue-black jeep wrangler. It ripped into the smooth driveway causing the tires to damn near squeal. When he got out of his car and bounded to the door, it was clear that about half of his hair had been cut instead of all of it. [Y/N] would have laughed in an ideal situation.
“Baby, hey, what happened?” Art said breathlessly as he unlocked the door. [Y/N] sat at the seldom used dining room table the two of them used to hold their junk mail, sitting straight up and looking through Art. Art was alarmed. She never sat at the table and rarely was her face so expressionless. She was always feeling, expressing, something. He couldn’t tell if she was crying or not, but her eyes were red.
“Patrick seems to have decided not to join us this weekend.” [Y/N] said clearly.
Art closed up the door behind him and walked over to [Y/N]. His scraggly hair and bewildered expression lessened into some devastated softness. He knelt, as he often did, in front of her and took her softer hands in his. “Can you tell me what happened?” Art asked quietly. He felt angry tears sting at the corner of his own traitorous eyes.
“We went out, got the cake, got smoothies, and came back. We… He didn’t say anything weird. Nothing happened.”
“Okay. And then?”
“No, I mean, nothing happened. Like, he was on his best behavior. Like, he was doing so well. He seemed okay. Really okay, y’know?” [Y/N]’s voice broke and finally betrayed her. She choked on her last words and the tears followed. Art’s right hand traveled up the side of [Y/N] face to rest there in comfort. “We talked about everything, like always. He was totally fine. I swear. Then we got home and he says I’m gonna take a shower, or something. And then I heard his car pull away. That’s it.”
“I’m gonna fucking murder him.” Art said, shaking his head and gritting his teeth. He stood from the floor and pulled his own phone out of his pocket. Art leaned against the table [Y/N] sat at. He called Patrick. Then he called him again. And another time. Up to what felt like twelve times or so. He left voicemail after voicemail.
“Hey, call me.”
“Hey, it’s Art. Call me.”
“Art again. Call me back. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I’m sorry about the last one. Patrick, call me. Are you coming home?”
“Hey, man. Fuck you. Fuck off.”
“I’m sorry about the last one too. I’m… Understandably, I’m kinda… Fucking pissed at you. I don’t need to talk to you like that, though. Are you okay? Are you safe? What happened? You can talk to me.”
“You’re an asshole. I wish you could see the look on [Y/N]’s face right now.”
“Don’t come back.”
Eventually, the voicemail box was full.
[Y/N] reached wordlessly for Art’s hand. She could feel his rare anger climbing. He got this ridiculous blush across his cheeks when he got angry and she could see it against the sunset’s glow. “Art?”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry this happened,” He said, turning his eyes to her. “I’m so sorry, hon.”
“It’s not your fault. You don’t have to apologize, pretty baby.”
“Yeah, but he’s my best friend. He’s your best friend,” He ranted. “That was a dick move to leave like that. I’m sorry that happened to you. He’s a piece of shit.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“No! I do. I do mean that. For the last year, he’s treated us, especially you like trash. Do you not see how much more you deserve, [Y/N]? I don’t know what’s going on with him… Do you?”
“He’s…” [Y/N] looked down. “You think he’s using again?”
Art didn’t say anything, he just looked down. That was answer enough. [Y/N] buried her face in her hands with a shuddering sob. Art pulled her to her feet and into his chest. He buried his face in her hair, unable to hold his own tears back. Eventually, the pair landed on the sagging green couch. Art’s legs wrapped around [Y/N]’s middle. They kept the news on all night. In case he matched an accident description. They called hospitals and hunted for John Does that were over six feet with dark hair and stubble.
“What are we gonna do? He’s… He’s not coming back, is he?” [Y/N] whispered. Cheese rested his heavy beige head on her thigh. He obviously didn’t understand why Patrick had gone either.
“No, I don’t think he is,” Art replied, lips against her forehead. “I’m sorry.
Pathetically, [Y/N] raised her head to Art. “I’m sorry too. I don’t know what I did.”
“You didn’t do anything.” He said. [Y/N] forced Art to lean back against the couch and she laid her head on his chest. Cheese circled for a new position where he could be touching them both at the same time.
[Y/N] knew it was a little bit her fault. She leaned up and kissed Art on the corner of his lips. “It’s my fault.”
“Then it’s both of our faults. You can’t talk about yourself like that. You’re the only you I’ve got, babe.” Art huffed tiredly.
[Y/N] dug her hands into Art’s hair the way he liked. “Can I fix your haircut? Haircut’s a generous way to describe it.”
“Damn, I was actually trying out this new thing. You don’t think it’s cool?”
“Yeah, it’s big for guys who blindly answer their wife’s phone calls, I hear.” [Y/N] said weakly.
Wife was all Art heard and he melted.
“I have never known someone I love as much as you,” Art said. “I’m all in with you. You know that, right?”
“‘Course I do.” [Y/N] did know. She sunk her teeth into the freckled skin on Art’s right shoulder gently and he moaned. Over top of the spot, [Y/N] left a trail of kisses down Art’s bicep.
“I’m gonna call his mom.” He said once [Y/N]’s pace had slowed. Art’s stomach growled. When he got upset, he didn’t eat. [Y/N] told herself it was because he had forgotten to in stressful moments, but wondered if it was a punishment instead. She pretending she hadn’t heard the sound.
“They don’t talk.”
“I know. Just in case he turns up.”
Patrick did turn up. About ten hours later, wet and unconscious in the emergency room. Following a psych eval, Patrick went to a short stint in rehab. He had gone once prior at the age of twenty. Needless to say Patrick missed the wedding. It was too much money to up and cancel, according to Art’s piece of shit stepfather, Douglas. Patrick made no efforts to contact the Donaldsons since leaving, as he left or following rehab. Despite all of Art and [Y/N]’s tireless efforts to find him, all they had to show for it was his disconnected phone number and a crippling feeling of shame and loss. Patrick had vanished from their lives without giving either one of them a say.
Patrick was gone.
But Art was there for all of it.
TAGLIST:
@toxiclovergirl @basicallynotbreathing @miniemonie2001 @valentine333 @tremendoushorsepeachbanana-blog @athxnss @babyspice6 @diorrfairy @donaldsonsdarling @muthafuckingstargirl @avylanchce @shysstuff @soberbabes @ysuftmikey @pussy-f41ry
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lilyevansisamilf7 · 5 months
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Another Life - Spencer Reid
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Pairing - Spencer Reid x Fem Reader (Non Specified but imagined fem)
Warnings - not spell checked, character death??, cheating, all cm trigger warnings, Maeve, mentions of eating disorders addiction and suicidal thoughts.
Summary - You we’re ready to marry him, he was ready to leave.
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You fell in love four years ago. Budding new SSA Y/L/N and the marvellous Doctor Reid, the BAUs power couple, attached at the hip - perfect.
And perfect it was, you and spencer had been through everything together. Case after case, his addiction, your own struggles with disordered eating, and everything inbetween, so when he started being distant, and getting migraines, you were sure you could help. You found him the best doctors, geneticists, anything and anyone.
You never thought he’d fall for Maeve Donovan, his geneticist, i mean how could you, you’d seen the ring. He was going to propose, or so you thought, a beautiful amethyst ring hidden in the blazer pocket of his work suit. Not your favourite crystal but you’re sure he had a reason for picking it, he always did.
So you began planning.
And you planned and planned until it suddenly didn’t feel like he was going to propose anymore.
“Spence?” You call out from the kitchen where you’re making dinner.
“Yeah love?” He walks in.
“I was just thinking, do you ever think about marrying me?”
“Well yeah in the future when we’ve settled a bit more, i’m happy how we are right now”
“Oh” You sigh, “What about that ring in your blazer pocket? What’s that for then?”
Silence. You know what that means.
“Is she pretty?” He looks down at his shoes.
Your turn off the stove and wipe your hands on your trousers.
“It’s Maeve isn’t it? The doctor?” You giggle sadly “You always liked them smart”
“Y/n…”
“Does she make you happy?”
“Not like you do”
You scoff. He looks at you confused.
You pick at your nails, crying slightly. “You were the one for me Spence, and I just want you to be happy, I thought that was with me but i guess not anymore” You shrug before grabbing your bag.
“What are you doing?” He try’s to grab your hands.
“Im going to stay with Garcia tonight” You reach the door, “Maybe you can invite Maeve for dinner, i made your favourite. I’ll be back tomorrow to gather my things”
“Please don’t do this..”
“Goodbye Spencer Reid”
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The past month had been hell for you, you didn’t tell anyone the real reason you and Spencer split up, not wanting to ruin his friendships with the rest of the team, but you hadn’t been doing well. You’d lost a lot of weight, stopped going out with the team, and started throwing yourself into your work.
It was plain as day that you were heartbroken.
So when Spencer came in, seeking help for Maeve, you were advised to steer clear of the case. But you were determined to show everyone you were fine.
You worked the hardest on the case and found Diane first, and joined spencer on retrieving Maeve.
You walk in unarmed, as requested by Diane, and see Maeve being held by gunpoint.
“Diane, right?” You try and sound as calm as possible, “I’m Y/n”
“Stay back or I shoot her!”
“She rejected you didn’t she? Your paper? I read it and it was good, just needed a little more evidence”
“What evidence?”
“Someone who wasn’t your parents, who wanted to die”
You breath in
“I can help Diane, you need someone like me, you can kill me”
“You’re trying to trick me!” She exclaims.
“i’m not, Maeve doesn’t want to die, do you Maeve”
She begins to cry begging for her life.
“And you do?”
“I’ve got nothing left to live for”
You look to Spencer sadly.
“Think about it Diane, this gives you the evidence you need” You smile.
“You’re trying to trick me!”
“Fine, I guess Dr Donovan was right” I fake sigh and get a little closer, “You aren’t worth the time or effort”
In an instant, Maeve is thrown to the floor and Diane grabs and shoots you both in the stomach.
You fall to the ground.
Spencer instantly runs to you, cradling you in his arms, your breaths shallow and weak.
“Is Maeve okay?”
Astounded at your care he says “Please don’t worry about her, save your strength, the medics are on their way”
“I don’t think i have the time Spence”
“Please baby” He whispers.
“Are you happy Spence?”
“She’s not you…”
He holds you tight and you reach up to cradle his cheek with your hand, “Please let yourself be happy” A metallic taste covering the inside of your mouth.
As he’s holding you he can feel how much smaller you’ve become. “You’ve not been taking care of yourself” He begins to cry
“It’s not important now,” I whisper, “Spence?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think i’m another life we made it
He thinks for a moment.
“I’m every universe i will be forever yours, I just wish it could’ve been in this one too” Beginning to sob
“And i will always be yours too, you were it for me Spencer Reid”
His tears fall down quicker than you can wipe them away.
“At least we’ll have all those other lives, we could have that wedding I planned,” I giggle sadly, “You would’ve loved it”
“I should’ve asked you, I wanted it to be you”
“I wanted it to be me too”
Your eyes begin to close, in the distant shouts for medics get louder, the blaring of sirens closer.
“I love you” he whispers, “Please don’t leave me, we’re not done yet”
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cevansbrat0007 · 1 year
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Off the Market
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Summary: Ari learns that you're not the sharing type. Which is fine by him, because neither is he.
Warnings: Mature Themes, Ari Being A Menace, Jealous/Possessive Reader, Oral Sex (mentioned), Discussions of Public Sex, Mentions of Disordered Eating, Polite Fat Shaming, Cursing, Minors DNI
A/N: This story is part of my Sweet Renegades Series. Be sure to check out the follow-up fic, A Man Starved. Not beta'd. Not beta'd. All mistakes my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.
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“So?” You ask before taking another sip of your milkshake. The thick and creamy treat goes down easy, which makes the amount of time it took to get to you well worth it. “What’s the verdict?”
“Not bad.” Your companion mumbles as he eagerly gulps down his own shake. “Not bad at all. But just so we’re clear, drinkin’ one of these isn’t gonna get you out of our deal.” He stirs the drink with his straw before plucking out the cherry and popping it in his mouth. “Remember you swore on it.” He holds up his pinky finger as a reminder.
“Wouldn’t dream of it, sugar.” You tell him as a smile flits its way across your lips. Without thinking, you go to feed him your own cherry. You find yourself giggling at the way he playfully nips at your fingers, his tongue lapping at the traces of whipped cream. 
There went your big Beast of a man proudly living up to his nickname, as per usual. Thank goodness you were the only couple dining outside today.
“Hey. How come yours tastes better?” Ari pouts suddenly, sending you into another fit of giggles.
“We got the exact same thing, honey.” You roll your eyes at him before returning your attention to the menu in your hand.
“Bird?” His growl comes out soft and silky. And it immediately has you on high alert. Because you recognized that tone. 
It meant you were in trouble.
“Um, yes?” You try ducking your head behind the oversized, laminated piece of paper. Maybe if he couldn’t see you anymore, he’d just let it ride.
“Did you just do what I think you just did?” 
“Well, I suppose that depends on what you think I just did.” You sneak another sip of your chocolate shake, doing your best to forget about all the extra unnecessary calories you’re putting into your body right then. After all, you and your man had a deal. And you aimed to see it through. 
“I think you just rolled your eyes at me.” Ari rests his elbows on the table, leaning forward on his arms in an attempt to get your attention. “Now, just because I gave you a pass back the boutique–”
You blow out an annoyed breath. “That wasn’t my fault! You kept making me model the most ridiculous pieces for you, even when I knew they wouldn’t fit.” You peek out from behind your menu long enough to scan the area for Stella, your waitress. Of course she’s nowhere to be found. 
Which, oddly enough, was fine by you. There was just something about the woman that seemed to ruffle your feathers a bit. Although you couldn’t quite put your finger on the reason why. 
“Except they did fit.” Your bounty hunter surprises you by yanking the menu from your grasp. He then tosses both yours and his onto a nearby empty table. “And maybe if you would’ve allowed me into the fitting room with you earlier, we could’ve scored you another bathing suit. I still think we should go back for that sweet little black and white number. That ass was made for it.”
“It was too small. Just like the other ones.” You counter, feeling your cheeks heat at the intimate praise. The burn only intensifies when you recall the way he’d simply let himself into the fitting room after you’d vetoed your third bathing suit. It had been his pick, which meant he felt that he was well within his rights to, as he put it, “see for himself”.  
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One Hour Earlier
“Baby.” He said, chuckling softly. “If a woman expects a man to wait outside and do it patiently, then perhaps she ought to give him a little show.” When you balked he’d simply shrugged and picked up an ice blue monokini before handing it over to you, silently demanding that you try it on. With him right there in the flippin’ fitting room. 
And he hadn’t felt the least bit compelled to help preserve your modesty by looking away as you’d changed. Instead, he’d had the gall to take a seat in a chair that was tucked away in a corner.
“This is completely inappropriate!” You hissed, clutching the forgotten suit to your chest. “Wh–what if someone comes by?” 
“Then I expect you’ll have to be quiet then, won’t you?” He held a finger to his lips, playfully shushing you. “That way it stays our little secret. Now, how about you model the pink one for me?”
“I’ll model whatever you want once we get back to your place.” You tried, your entire body had been practically vibrating with embarrassment. 
“Nah. I’m afraid that ain’t gonna work for me.” Ari had leaned back in his chair then, leisurely crossing his long legs over his ankles. “See, this Beast of yours is itchin’ for some instant gratification.” He’d locked his fingers together before resting them on his firm stomach. “And I ain’t leavin’ until I get it.”
“Guess we’ll be in here for a long time then, huh?” You’d responded rather snippily. “Because I’m not about to–”  
“You know, sweetheart, now that I’m thinking about it, I just realized you haven’t fed me yet today.” 
“I thought we were gonna grab a bite after..?” The knowing look that passed between you two had been enough to make you feel weak in the knees. “Umm...”
“You know how I get when you make me go too long without a taste.” His piercing blue eyes had dropped to your (thankfully) still panty clad pussy. “I’m gonna need a fix, baby. And soon.” You’d watched him cup his impressive cock through the fabric of his jeans. “Otherwise I might start gettin’ antsy.” The silky purr of his voice alone had been enough to have your thighs clenching.
“Don’t – ooh! Behave yourself, damn you!” You’d done your best to ignore the way your core had spasmed with need. “There will be no funny business in this fitting room. You are not getting us kicked out of this store, Beast!”  
“But I’m hungry now. Starving actually.” He’d pressed, a wolfish grin spreading across his features. “And all I can think about is sinking to my knees and burying my face in that gorgeous pussy. Right here. Right now.” 
You'd watched as he rose from his seat, his big body crowding your smaller one. “Wanna taste all that sweet, wild honey of yours when you cum on my tongue like a good girl.” You’d also squealed none-too-quietly when he pinned you against the wall. 
And although the man had seen fit to warn you of his plan, you still hadn’t been prepared for his boldness. Even less so when he dropped to his knees in front of you, his nimble fingers tugging at the edges of your panties.
“Ari…” You'd breathed, rising on your toes to graze your lips along his bearded jaw. “We can’t. Not here. Patience, sugar.”
“Like I told you, I’m about out.” He’d responded on the heels of a groan. “But I might be able to find some more. Maybe. But only if…”
“If what?”
“If you stay the night once we get back to Bell’s Creek. I wanna spend the rest of the evening getting all tangled up in you. Especially after I managed to work up such a sweet tooth.” Ari had brushed mouth over your covered mound, loving the way your nipples pebbled at his words - his touch.        
“I accept your terms.” You’d told him with a soft giggle as heat suffused your cheeks. “Now let me go so I can model these last few for you. It’s about time we get a move-on to our next stop -- no more kisses. Oh God, Ari! Be patient!”
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“I’m not trying on another thing after I stuff my face, honey.” You mumble as you take another sip of your drink. “We’ll just have to come back another time. Plus, you’ve already spent more than enough on me.” 
“You’re worth it.” 
“You should’ve at least let me pay for half.” You start to protest, feeling uncomfortable with being doted on in such a way.
“Already said no. And you ain’t payin’ for lunch either, so you’d best not get that pretty mouth all twisted up to ask.” 
“How about we–” You find your conversation interrupted by the arrival of your waitress, Stella. 
“Hey, ya’ll!” She chirps as she comes around the corner, her blonde ponytail bouncing behind her as she finally makes her way to your table. “Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. How are those shakes treating you, hm? Pretty good?”
“They’re great.” You and Ari respond at the same time. 
“I just knew you’d love ‘em!” She responds rather animatedly, her freshly manicured fingers lightly brushing over Ari’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to notice. But you do. Because it’s not the first time it’s happened. “Looks like you’re doin’ alright over there, handsome. Can I get you another one?”  
“No, thank you.” Your Bounty Hunter hums, his gaze locked on the menu as he works to make a final decision. “But I do think we’re ready to order.” 
“Yep.” You readily agree, even as your eye twitches. “We sure are.” 
Stella makes an innocent show of turning away from you, her gaze focused on Ari. “I bet a big, strapping fella like you would be interested in one of our steaks. Our beef is grass-fed and sourced locally. Which means it’s always fresh, never frozen.”
“Actually, I think we’re both gonna have–” You attempt to interject, only to be shut down without so much as a glance in your direction. 
“Did you happen to see our line of Skinny Gal Salads, buttercup? They come with all the flavor, but only half the calories. They’re listed on page two if you wanna take a gander while I walk your lovely friend here through tonight’s specials featuring our signature porterhouse.” 
Your waitress’ audacity hits you so hard you almost feel a headache coming on as an unexpected fury burns in your belly. A belly that could probably stand to benefit from one of those so-called Skinny Gal salads, but then again that would go against the deal you’d made last night.
Which involved you and your man enjoying a couple of worry-free milkshakes and bacon cheeseburgers. You’d promised that you would try to relax and not get so caught up in all of that internal calorie counting like you usually did.
So, like it or not, a deal was a deal and you aimed to see it through. Regardless of what your waitress had to say about it. And if the woman was smart, she’d take her hand off your man’s arm before something happened to it.
“Now handsome, did I hear you say you were visiting from Bell’s Creek?” Your waitress cocks her hip against the table while she ignores you in favor of cozying up to your Beast. “Because it just so happens that I have a friend there that I like to visit from time to time. Do you happen to know–” 
“Actually, I’ve heard amazing things about your barnyard cheeseburgers. So I think we’re gonna have two of those with bacon. Extra bacon. Please.” You tack on the last word, which is spoken through gritted teeth. 
Finally, Stella turns to you and offers a patronizing smile. “Can I interest you in a side salad with that, buttercup? It comes with a spritz of our homemade red wine vinaigrette.”
Ari sits back in silence, apparently content to watch whatever the fuck was transpiring between you and this bottle blonde heifer with a notepad. Which was fine. You were a big girl who knew how to take-up for herself when the situation called for it.    
“I want fries, sugarplum. But who knows, my friend might want one of those skinny ass salads to go with his meal. Does that sound good to you, baby?” While your eyes never leave hers, you manage to catch a glimpse of a smile from your companion. 
“I, uh, would also like fries.” He coughs. You can tell he’s trying not to laugh, which only serves to piss you off even more. “But thank you.”
“That’ll be all, honey.” You politely growl, snatching Ari’s menu from him before your waitress could use it as an excuse to touch him again. “We’ll let you know if you need anything else.”
“But you haven’t heard the specials.” Stella turns back to Ari, a soft pout gracing her plump lips. “It just might change your mind. You might find yourself wanting something…better.”
Oh, no the fuck she did not. Your man was fine with his choice. You. The burger. All of it. Be gone, bitch!  
“We’re good.” You snap, seething inwardly. “You couldn’t possibly have anything more special than what he’s already got goin’ on in front of him, right here. Right now.”
Your waitress stares you down, but you refuse to be the one to blink first. If your eyes gave up and fell out, you had faith Ari would collect them for you before safely guiding you home. Your man was a gentleman like that.
“I guess I’ll go ahead and get these orders in. Two burgers, heavy bacon, coming right up.” The smile she gives you now is much more brittle and it doesn’t meet her eyes. But you also can’t bring yourself to give a fuck.
This woman needed to remember to stay in her lane before you ran her off the road.         
“Thanks.” 
“Welcome.”
And then she’s gone. You find your glaring at her retreating form. You’re actually in the middle of fantasizing about what would happen if you took a pair of scissors to her annoying ass ponytail when you hear your name being called.
“What?” You snarl as Ari comes back into focus. And what the hell was he grinning about? Didn’t he realize that that pretty face of his was in slapping distance?
“You’re really something, baby.” He murmurs, his gorgeous blue eyes dancing with mischief. “You know that?”
“Meaning?” At the moment, you were in no mood for anyone else’s bullshit.
Ari leans forward in his chair as one of his big hands comes to rest atop yours. “I just meant…I’ve never seen you jealous before. It just surprised me a little is all.” He finishes with a shrug. “I didn’t expect for you to…to…”
“Didn’t expect for me to do what, Beast?” Your tone softens as you watch his head dip, his bearded cheeks tinged with red. He perks up when you give his hand an affectionate squeeze, flipping your positions slightly so you can lace your fingers through his. 
“Claim me.” 
Those two simple words are enough to send you reeling. Is that really what you had just done?
“It’s no secret that I like you, Bird. A lot.” His voice drops an octave as he works to explain himself. “Every time I see you, it’s like there’s something in me deep down inside me that screams mine. I guess I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way about me. Until now.” 
Was he being serious? Of course he was! This man had never struck you as the type to joke about any of this.
“I like you too, Ari. But what I didn’t like was watching our waitress flirt with you like I wasn’t even here. I almost fucked her up with my spoon for touching what’s mine.” Ari’s perfect teeth sink into his plush bottom lip, his nostril’s flaring as his mind works to process your admission.
“Say that again.” The command rumbles out from somewhere deep in his chest, compelling you to obey. “Louder”
“You’re mine, Ari Levinson. For today. Tomorrow. For however long this magical thing between us lasts – you belong to me.” You breathe, butterflies filling your belly. “You’re officially off the market, you got that?”
“I hear you, Bird. Loud and fucking clear.” The grin on his face soon proves to be infectious. “And you have no idea just how happy I am to hear you say that.” Ari opens his arms to you then, beckoning you forward.
The next thing you know, you’re up and moving before you’ve even registered what’s happening. All you knew was that your man needed you. Which meant you needed to go to him. Now.
“I always want you, Ari. Even when I shouldn’t.” You tell him as you gracefully slide into his lap, looping your arms around his neck as you do. 
“I know the feeling.” Ari murmurs, brushing his mouth over yours. “Which is why I want to do something special once we get back to Bell’s Creek. Before I have to leave again.” The startled look on your face has your Bounty Hunter rushing to finish his thoughts before you can verbalize your confusion.
“What do you–?”
“I’m only gonna be gone a few days, baby. Three, maybe four, tops.” One of his large, slightly calloused palms presses against the back of your neck, drawing you in closer to him so that he can take your lips again.   
“Oh.” Comes your lame reply.
“I’m coming back to you, Bird.” Ari rests his forehead against yours as you try to calm your racing heart. “You have my word. But I still wanna do something special for you – for us – before I go. Will you let me do that without a fight?”
“Okay.” 
“Okay.” Feeling content, Ari leans in to capture your mouth with his own once again. After behaving himself all day, it was time for his reward.
“Wait.” You place your hand on his chest, halting his advances. “You’re still mine wherever you go. I don’t care if it’s fucking Siberia.” You grab a fistful of his shirt, hauling him forward. “You’ll still be mine there too. You with me?”
“Fuck yeah I am.” Ari growls, using both of hands to cradle your face as he slants his lips over yours once again. The kiss is as passionate as it is raw. Your tongues dance together, both fighting for dominance. But this time your Beast lets you win.
Desire burns in your belly as you savor the sensual victory. You bury your fingers in his hair, tugging at the chestnut strands. Meanwhile, one of Ari’s hands goes to grip your hip, making you moan when he gently molds and kneads your curves. 
Jesus Christ! You suddenly felt as if you were wearing too many clothes. 
His lips skim along the column of your throat as you pant. You were always so fucking needy for him all the time. It made it almost impossible for you to resist him during moments like these.
You’re so lost in each other that you don’t even bother to look up when you hear footsteps approaching. “Will these be separate checks or…oh.” You hear your waitress stammer as she tries to collect herself. “I’ll, um - I'll just bring the one.”
Ari briefly pulls away, eliciting a soft whine from you. “Thanks. And while you're at it, we’ll be taking our food to-go.” 
“Bye, Stella.” You giggle as you give a little wave before playfully nipping at his jaw, not even bothering to glance over at the other woman’s face. You knew it was petty, but staking your claim on this man in front of your so-called rival felt so damn good. Especially after a day like today.
Frankly, the only way it could get any better was if you could make yourself utter those three magic words – the same ones you’d been practicing in the mirror last night. But right now they simply wouldn't come. They kept getting stuck in your throat.
Oh well. Guess you’d just have to try again tomorrow.
END
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corroded-hellfire · 7 months
Note
Fic request idea baby: what about Eddie with a gf who used to have an ED but she's doing better now but he notices that she's starting to relapse like skipping meals and he brings it up to her and just angst to fluff
+ Hey if ur taking requests:
what about if Effie's gf randomly stops changing in front of him like she's getting into pj and she goes to the bathroom and then starts asking for the lights to be off during sex and he's super confused and asks her about it and basically angst bc she's trying to hide it but may be she had a slip during ED recovery?
+ Hi lovie a lil request! What about Eddie with a gf whose in eating disorder recovery like she used to struggle but it's been a few years since then and she's don't just fine but he notices she's starting to relapse?
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These three requests seemed to overlap just perfectly. The beautiful and talented @munson-blurbs was kind enough to write these with me so go shower her with all the love 💚
Warnings: eating disorders, body image issues, relapse struggles. Please, if you want or need to talk to somebody, I'm always here.
Words: 1.5k
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You’re fairly certain you’re living on the sun’s surface. 
Logic would say that you haven’t left Hawkins, but the temperature outside begs to differ. 
“Christ, it’s like 1,000 degrees in here,” Eddie mumbles, cracking open a cold can of Pepsi and taking a swig. He plants a kiss on your forehead, careful not to disturb your reading. 
You smile but keep your nose buried in the bridal magazine Nancy had bought for you. Page after page of wedding dresses had you swimming in a sea of white, each more beautiful—and expensive—than the last. 
Oh, well. At least it would give you an idea of what to look for at your bridal appointment in a few weeks. 
What truly caught your eye was an article tucked towards the back of the magazine. Its title boldly declares, “Shedding for the Wedding: Lose that Weight and Look Great!” 
You shouldn’t read it. It’ll only upset you, only bring back the bad thoughts and routines and restrictions that you’d fought so hard to overcome. And yet you’re drawn to it, eyes scanning each fad diet for one that might help you. 
No. Yes. No. Yes. Put the magazine down. Stop reading the diet tips and comparing yourself to the models. 
But they’re so pretty and so skinny. If Eddie saw them, he might not even want to marry you anymore. Not when he saw how beautiful women were supposed to look in wedding dresses. 
Maybe losing a few pounds wouldn’t hurt. One diet couldn’t be so bad. It would be temporary, just until the wedding. 
It was totally fine. 
“What are we thinking for dinner tonight, babe?” Eddie rifles through the pantry and pulls out two boxes of pasta. “We have bowties and rigatoni. I’m personally more of a bowtie man myself, but it’s your call.”
You shake your head. “I’m good. Just gonna have some soup.” Reaching around him, you pluck a can of Progresso off of the shelf. 
“Soup?” Eddie wrinkles his nose in confusion. “It’s hotter than Satan’s tits outside.”
You shrug, trying to play it off casually. “Period craving.”
“You’re not on your period.”
“Well, PMS.”
Something nags at you—if you have to hide your new soup diet from your husband-to-be, maybe it’s not a good idea. Maybe you should put the can away and make pasta instead. But then you remember those gorgeous models, so svelte and sculpted and perfect. 
Soup it is. 
It’s harder to ignore the problem as more symptoms of the illness start to return. The first time you’d gathered up your pajamas and taken them into the bathroom with you, Eddie just assumed you were going to take a shower. When you emerged with bone-dry hair not two minutes later, he was puzzled. But he didn’t say anything, not wanting to come across as overprotective or overbearing. Maybe there was some simple excuse and he didn’t want to make you feel like you have to answer to him about every little thing. 
Eddie can’t ignore that there’s a problem anymore when you slip back into one of your old habits that has always broken his heart. Sex was now lights off and you kept your shirt on. Eddie wanted to see every part of you, touch every part of you. He was going to be your husband and the fact that you didn’t want him to see this part of you—that he has made very clear in the past that he fucking loves—disheartens him. 
Stress begins to build up within Eddie. He feels like he’s toeing the line because he doesn’t want to sound accusatory, but he also knows something is going on with you. And he has a pretty good idea of what it is. You try to hide how you pinch at your stomach and thighs, but he sees. The way you measure your wrists with your fingers all throughout the day. He wonders if you even realize you’re doing it, or if it’s reflexive at this point. 
Though you never mention it, you always have your green journal around the kitchen. Eddie respects your privacy enough not to go through it, but reaching for the keys over your shoulder one evening he notices that you’re making a list of what you’ve eaten that day. His stomach sinks as yet another familiar pattern emerges from the days when your disorder was at its worst. Your fiancé is coming closer to his breaking point and he still doesn’t know what to do or even who to go to about this. 
The final straw though is when you turn down girls’ night with Nancy and Robin at the Cheesecake Factory. You lived for nights out with your two best friends. They knew you almost as well as Eddie did though, so he knew you wouldn’t be able to sit down at a restaurant with them and bullshit your way out of not eating a proper meal like you should. 
Eddie knows now he has to say something. Anything, really. When you walk out of your shared bedroom in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, Eddie chews on his bottom lip as he mentally prepares for the conversation he knows needs to happen. 
The moment you sit down on the couch, Eddie sits next to you. You reach for the remote but your hand doesn’t even make it to the piece of plastic before Eddie speaks.
“Can we, um, talk?”
“About what?” you ask, sitting back against the couch cushions. 
Your fiancé leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He rubs his hands together and his tongue pokes out of his pouty pink lips like it does whenever he’s concentrating on something. 
“I’m worried about you, babe,” he finally says. “You’re not yourself.” 
Eddie doesn’t miss the way you reflexively shrink in on yourself.
“I’m just stressed with wedding stuff,” you say. 
“That’s why you didn’t hang out with Nancy and Robin?” Eddie asks, raising his eyebrows. 
“Mhm.”
“And all the pinching and not eating and not wanting me to see you naked? Is that because of wedding stress, too?”
You turn away from him and pull your knees to your chest, but he moves to face you again. “Baby, I know something’s wrong. And the last time I saw you like this, it was because…”
“I told you, I’m fine,” you snap. “I’m just stressed. Maybe if you spent more time helping me plan and less time planning stupid campaigns for a game you played back in high school, you’d understand.”
The accusation is unfair, and you know it. Sure, you’ve been doing most of the planning, but he’s been there every step of the way.
Eddie winces at your harsh tone. He looks like he has a rebuttal but gives up after a moment “Fine. Let’s just go to bed.”
Guilt from your outburst wracks your body and holds sleep hostage. After tossing and turning for a little while, you hear soft cries coming from Eddie’s side of the bed. 
“Eds?” Your heart leaps into your chest. “What’s going on?” You give him a hug from behind, latching on like a koala to a tree trunk until he turns to face you. 
Even in the darkness, you can see the way his eyes shine with tears. “I know you relapsed and…and I don’t know what to do,” he manages through his sobs. “I don’t know how to help, so I just stand there like a goddamn idiot, but I can’t keep pretending like nothing’s wrong! I can’t keep pretending that you’re not hurting yourself!”
He knew. The whole time you thought you’d been protecting him from the truth, and he knew. 
You wipe at his cheeks, feeling the moisture on your palms. “I’m sorry.”
Eddie shakes his head. “‘S not your fault, I know it’s not, but…you need to get help for this. I can’t lose my girl.” He presses his lips to your forehead and lets them linger there, holding you as tightly as he can. “Please. Please.”
No. You need to lose weight. You need to look good; no, perfect in your dress. All eyes are going to be on you, and you can’t show a single flaw. 
The argument sits on your tongue, defensiveness ready to spring into action. But then you see his brokenness, his vulnerability as he unabashedly wears his heart on his sleeve. 
Skinny. Skinnier. Skinniest. 
But then—Eddie. 
Eddie, who laid his heart out for you. Who let down the walls he’d spent years building just so he could receive your love. Who felt your pain despite your best attempts to shield him from it. 
Maybe you weren’t ready to get better for yourself, but until you were, you could do it for him. 
You nod, pulling back and kissing him softly. “I will. I promise. First thing tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll wake you up the moment the sun rises.”
At this, you have to let out a small laugh. “The therapy clinic doesn’t open until nine.”
Eddie cradles your face in his calloused palms, leaning in to gently kiss your nose. “Then I’ll wake you up at nine.”
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ghxst-guts · 5 months
Text
⋆˚࿔ Oh baby 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
words: 1.1k
warnings: cheating, hurt/comfort, slight angst, neglect of partner, piss kink, slightly dark, slight pevert wanda, stephan strange (yes, he needs a warning), wetting yourself, jealousy, texture issues, alludes to possible eating disorders and possible abuse, smut, praise, degradation, brief ignoring/ghosting, kissing.
relationships: boyfriend!stephan stranger x female!reader & bestfriend!wanda maximoff x female!reader
18+ minors & men dni
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⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
"oh my, that must have been awful.." wanda whispered, her words tickled against your ears. your boyfriend stephen had canceled on your date and you were upset because you hardly saw him anymore.
you looked down at your nails, picking at the skin near it. this was one of your nervous habits that wanda tried to help you break but it was no use. every time she'd think she got you to stop, it continued.
wanda hummed, with a swift response her fingers brushed your hand. her eyes followed your movement. you met her gaze, she was waiting for you to say something.
"i'm not even surprised, i don't think i'm his first priority. or his second.. or third." your eyes dropped. wanda could feel your pain but didn't comment on it. "it's just more convenient if we were together... i know that our mess of a relationship will be over in a few months." you mumbled, a stray tear escaped your eye.
"oh, baby.." wanda sighed softly, bringing her hand up to wipe your tear. she hated seeing a man, especially one whom she hated, get you all worked up.
you collapsed in her arms, your quiet sniffles filled the silence. her fingers traced circles over your back. her hot breath lingered against your skin. the smell of her sweet perfume.. it was almost too much for you.
almost.
⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
your eyes fluttered as you began to feel a warmth pressed against you. it was the arms of your best friend lazily draped around you. she had also fallen asleep it appeared.
your bladder felt full and when you attempt to make a run for the toilet, you found the woman's death grip to be wildly protective. so comforting.. the urge to lay numb against her was strong but you changed your mind when you find yourself nearly having an accident on her.
"wanda" you mumbled softly against her. she shifted in the bed, no response. "wanda" you repeat but the red-head just shushed you and wrapped her arms around your waist. "wandaaa" you whimpered, you couldn't hold it anymore.
wanda felt a warm liquid drip down your leg, spreading all over her bed. she smirked against you, this was her plan all along. to get you all embarrassed and flustered under her. now this isn't exactly how she envisioned it but she can't admit that this wasn't hot.
"oh, detka.. you had a little accident, let mommy help clean you up." wanda's eyes darkened, hovering over you. you hid your face, you were so embarrassed. first you cried to her about your boyfriend and now you've peed all over her bed. there are definitely better ways she could have spent her friday evening and now you've ruined her bed.
"hey, let me see you pretty girl." she cooed at you, removing your fingers from covering your face. she smiled at the reveal of your glossy tears, god you were so beautiful.
⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
she noticed after your previous interactions, you wetting her bed a week ago, you had been more distant. she felt hurt and upset that you were avoiding her. she saw you spending all your time with stephen again, you claimed he was trying to "make up for lost time".
she ran into you at the supermarket and to her surprise of course you were with stephen. his hand intertwined with yours while the other occupied his phone. he appeared to be wrapped up in whatever it is he was doing, or whomever he was texting.
wanda bite her lip to hold out the venom she so desperately wanted to let out. instead, she sighed and pushed her cart to align with yours.
"hey, y/n!" she exclaimed, her eyes fixated on stephan and the way he doesn't even acknowledge her presence. y/n looked at stephan nervously, you had on a baggy hoodie and this made wanda suspicious. she furrowed her brows trying to rack her brain why this could be. she knew you hated wearing baggy clothes, it was a texture thing for you.
⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
the next time wanda saw you was at a barbecue, you were all dolled up and she wished she could run her hands down your doll-like figure. kiss your soft cheeks, caress your shoulders, leave traces of her all over you. she knew she had to fix things.
wanda saw you with a tray in your hands making your eay to the kitchen so she grabbed a glass and quickly followed behind. finally, she could have a moment alone with you to talk things out. she hate the silence treatment, not being able to hear your sweet voice and laugh that could brighten anyone's mood.
"y/n" wanda called out, in a rush. you emptied the tray into the trash and placed it in the sink. wanda is hovering behind you when you turn around. this startles you and you bump into her. knocking the glass out of her hand.
oh no. "wanda, i'm so sorry-" you exclaimed. you felt so bad, you had been ignoring the girl because of stephen and know you've knocked a glass out of her hand. "No- no, please let me talk y/n." Her eyes full of guilt and sadness.
you nodded, the least you could do was hear her out.
⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
"i can make you feel way better than he could.." she purred, exhaling softly against your neck. "let me take care of you, baby." wanda's hands ran through your body. light as a feather but just soft enough to have an effect on you, and she could see it.
she wanted to take her time with you to show you how making love should be like. your eyes widened, nodding. god you've wanted this for so long. "need to hear you say it, darling." wanda whispered, her eyes lingering on you. just aching to go forward but depending on your sweet voice to give her consent.
"i want this wanda" your words muffled against her skin. wanda waited no longer, her hands motioned for you to lay on your back as she hovered over you. she pressed dher lips against yours. you tasted so sweet, it was so addicting.
wanda let out a soft moan against your lips, she sounded so beautiful. you wanted to hear more. her hands lifted up your shirt, exposing your bra-less skin. the moment your shirt departed, the cold air hit your nipples. they began to harden, wanda bit her lip to try and control herself.
she so desperately wanted to take your nipples in her mouth, to suck on them, bite them, pull at them and just abuse them. she resisted, to use for another time. right now, a sweet little thing like you needed to be treated like an angel.
⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
wanda's masterlist
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bedoballoons · 11 months
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I read both mitsuri!reader head cannons (love them)!!! I was wondering if I could request if they met the readers EX who called her all those names and made her insecure.
Thank youuu!!! Also I have been thinking about that and oh my gosh I'm so glad you requested it!!
─⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃
{༻~Insecurities~༺}
CW: Angsty with comfort!, F! reader gets called names, character helps, established relationships, cursing, and some mentions of weight shaming/eating disorders! (Pet names: Lyney: Mon amour!)
Also I only wrote 4 characters with this one because it was soooo longggg!!
(Includes: Diluc, Lyney, Albedo, and Wanderer!)
Past Demon slayer/Genshin fics:
Mitsuri reader pt 1
Mitsuri reader pt 2
Mitsuri like reader X Lyney
Tokito Muichiro reader
Shinobo Kocho reader
Shinobo Kocho reader
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𑁍༄Diluc:
You smiled happily, pink green strands of hair flowing in the wind as you lounged on the blanket Diluc had laid down, the subtle scent of the apples he was cutting for your picnic sweet and tantalising, but sadly enough to make your stomach gurgle uneasily. You wouldn't say it out loud...especially not in front of him, but even despite both of your best efforts you were still finding it difficult to actually consume food. It had become a torture to eat...even when you were hungry or it was your favourite dish...those words just kept coming back.
"Oh my archons...look who it is. Didn't think I would be seeing you outside the gates of Mondstat, especially with the owner of the infamous wine industry."
Your whole body went cold, eyes shooting to the direction of the familiar voice...the voice that had said the words that changed you, that made you see your own body as a mistake. "I-i...ahem, he's my boyfriend." You silently cursed yourself for having such a shaky tone, if Diluc hadn't figured it out just by your reaction...he definitely had when you started to speak.
He stood up with crimson eyes that had gone dark, a menacing look decorating his features as he stared the other man down, "Don't believe we've met, who are you?" You glanced between the two of them, feeling like your presence was steadily growing smaller as they stared eachother down...the situation was making you feel sick to your stomach.
"I'm her ex boyfriend. Honestly I can't believe she caught the owner of the winery, are you some type of chubby chaser?"
That name...it hit you like a ton of bricks, any thoughts of recovery slipping away as tears filled your eyes, but you weren't alone this time. You jumped as Diluc grabbed your ex by his shirt, pulling him close so his fist would be inches away, "If you ever, call her that again...I will find a way to make you disappear, do you understand me? She's perfect the way she is and I love her more than anything else, besides your opinions don't matter...there's only two people who should see her for how goregous she is. Me and her."
𑁍༄Lyney:
Lyney swung your intertwined hands gently, humming a soft melody while the two of you walked through fontaine. It had become a routine now, taking a walk together after his show and sharing a meal, it was one of the few times you enjoyed eating...mostly because you weren't actually focused on the food. Your attention was drawn to Lyney, the way he always seemed to be glowing with love and excitement after a show, the way he talked with adoration and he never once failed to mention how you'd inspired one of his tricks, it was so calm...that just for a moment you forgot everything else.
"Oh mon amour! Look a new shop has opened up, how about we eat there?" You tiled your head to see past him and sure enough there was a new shop, bustling with customers. "Oh Lyney...it's so crowded though." He chuckled, pulling you into a warm embrace, his eyes meeting yours as he placed a kiss on your lips lovingly, "I won't force you, but...we could just get something to eat and then find a nice quiet spot, it would be different...in a good way."
A light blush dusted your cheeks as you let him lead you to the crowd, silently agreeing to his adventurous ideas like you always seemed to.
"No way...is that you?! You haven't changed one bit have you?"
You stopped dead in your tracks, emotions all but gone at the sound of that voice...the one that haunted your nightmares and used to make you feel so small...treat you like you were nothing but a number on a scale. He seemed to be waiting for your response, but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything...you were frozen in place, heart racing.
"Mon amour who's this?" You glanced at Lyney, wondering if he could tell you were uncomfortable, but he didn't appear to have any difference in attitude...had he really not noticed?
"I'm the one who was trying to keep her out of these foodlines so she wouldn't get any fatter, looking out for her health like a good boyfriend should do...guess you can't say the same."
For a split second you thought Lyney was going to strike him, instead he chuckled and lowered his voice to almost a whisper, a terrifying tone seeping into his words as he spoke, "You should really stop talking....I happen to be apart of the fatui and truthfully, if you utter one more word about my perfect girl, you won't be able to say anything at all by the time we are done with you."
𑁍༄Albedo:
Klee held onto your hand tightly, pulling you through the crowded streets with Albedo trailing not far behind. The air was filled with the delicious smells of baked goods and fresh made dishes, and the streets were decorated with stalls that held bottles of wine, toys, banners, anything you could imagine. It was a festival like no other and you couldn't believe you got to be apart of it.
"Come on come on!! We are almost to the stage! Dodoco wants to see it all decorated!!" You giggled happily, following the little girl as she lead you up to the big stage in the center of all of the magic. It really was a sight to see, ribbon and cecilia's hung up with fairy lights, a sweet bard strumming away on his lyre while he sang of a hero from another land and to top it all of, there were dancers not far away, each of them moving to the melody with their partners.
"Wow...this is incredible." You stood in awe for a second as Albedo lifted Klee onto his shoulders, her hands holding dodoco in the air so it could watch along with her. It was a picture perfect moment,...one you wanted to remember forever...until it was ruined. Your eyes landed on met that of a person walking towards you...a familiar face you had thought you'd left in the past.
You crossed your arms over yourself protectively, hoping he wouldn't say a word to you, but of course that would only be to easy, "Heyy look who it is...see you got yourself a new partner to shove food in your mouth. He's clearly feeding you right isn't he?"
Your breath caught in your throat, your clothes suddenly feeling tighter and your previous small meal you'd barely managed to take a few bites of rumbling in your tummy.
"Im sorry what was that? Clearly you must be blind, she's truthfully a work of art and without a doubt the most stunning woman I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. Perhaps you should go get another plate of food, actually make it two since you look like you could probably eat both, and stop bothering everyone with that tragic excuse of a voice you have."
"A-a-albedo?!"
𑁍༄Wanderer:
Wanderer huffed quietly as you pushed away your plate of food, less then half of it missing and yet you were already feeling queasy? It bugged him to no end,...no matter how many times he said you were perfect and argued with you that your weight was never a issue...you still thought it was. He begged you, something he never thought he never thought he'd do, to try and see yourself from his perspective, but it didn't work.
"You want some of mine? Maybe you'd like it more if it was different? Hey? What's up with you?" Wanderer waved his hand in front of your face, surprised to see fear in your eyes and goosebumps forming on your skin, you didn't even look like you were breathing you were so deathly still. It actually freaked him out a little, could humans just die like that?
"Hey stop that, you're making me all worried. What are you looking at?" He tapped your hand, but with no response he turned to follow your line of sight...it was just some guy? That's what had you all scared?, "Who is he? Did he beat you up? I won't let him hurt you if that's what you're afraid of." You shrunk into your chair, footsteps drawing closer as the some guy made his way to your table...
"If it isn't my ex girlfriend. I really didn't think I'd be seeing you at a restaurant...actually I did completely, I'm more shocked you don't have three plates finished yet. Piggy. Even got the pink green hair to prove it...and who's this clown, his hats bigger than he is."
You covered your face in embarrassment, trying to hide away from the situation...not let either men know how much it bothered you, but Wanderer was to clever for that and he took no shame in starting something...
"How about I take my big hat and shove it so far up your ass you see actual pigs fly. Maybe then you'd know the difference between when you should keep your mouth shut and when you should open it. Oh and moron, she's clearly not a pig cause she looks nothing like you."
He stood up with a grunt, pushing the guy so harshly he was sent backwards falling to the ground with a satisfying thud while your boyfriend grabbed your hand and lead you away, telling you more than once how beautiful you looked as you made your way home.
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◥(•̀₩•́)◤☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 ☾𖤓~Have a nice day~*⁠.⁠✧
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arcanesea · 6 months
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PAIRING: bang chan x reader GENRE: fluff, established relationship WC: 449 WARNINGS: implications of sleep disorder
"Chris, I think I can hear the music layers," you said to your boyfriend one peaceful afternoon. Your pupils moved left and right as if following the sound from the headphones you were wearing, freaking him out.
"Baby, how long did you sleep last night?" he asks, taking off his headphones. He had promised to come over during the weekend, yet, he sat still in front of his laptop, working on something for the last hour. Leaving you to do something by yourself.
You shrug in response, not providing the answer he needs. He sighs. It's not the first time you made that claim and every time, you're only running on 3 hours of sleep.
Not that you're ignorant about the little details, but somehow it fascinates you even more when you're lacking sleep. As if you're taking some drugs and give your imagination a little bit more to work on. Is there any research on this? Well, you were so busy with work that you never bothered looking it up.
"Let's go" Chris plucks the headphones from your ear, taking your hand in his. "You need sleep. Now."
Chris drags you to the bedroom, turning on the air conditioner before closing the blinds. You sat on the edge of the bed, fidgeting with a strand of thread on the corner of your shirt.
"But I'm not sleepy," you said quietly. You blink twice at Chris. "I haven't seen you all week, and you're working, and I'm working, and we barely get the chance to talk or watch movies or eat together or cuddle..." your voice getting smaller as you list the things you usually do with him.
He immediately melts at the statement, unable to counter it.
"Baby..." he coos. Chris walks over to you, cupping your face in his hands, slightly tilting it upwards. You pout at him, trying not to cry. Another thing that comes out of lack of sleep.
"Let's take a nap first, yeah? Then we can arrange a date." He plants a small kiss on your pouting lips. You nod in response before lying down. As soon as your head hits the pillow, Chris notices your eyes fluttering shut. Smiling to himself, he took his spot next to you after turning off the lamp.
"I want sushi," you request. "I can hear your heartbeat," you said again, breathing steadily to match its rhythm.
With a yawn, you murmured a small I love you.
Your sleep was sealed by a kiss on the top of your head, along with a soft I love you from Chris. After this, he's taking a much-needed day off to spend with you. At least he owes you that.
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a/n. i want sushi to break my fast later... also tomorrow is debut anniversary!!!! my second one since i become a stay. it's funny how the time went ((not really, i mostly cried this year but anyways))
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every episode of house md part 3
high school teacher: alright class settle down, it is time for chemistry!
the students moan
random student #1: please mr roberts can we just use this period to do homework
mr roberts: no, chemistry is important, you see-
mr roberts starts choking
random student #2: oh my god! someone get him some water!
mr roberts stops choking
mr roberts: sorry about that folks, moving on-
mr roberts falls to the ground, unconscious
*** house and wilson are walking together
house: wilson, my guy, you are wearing a nice tie. you must be cheating on your wife
wilson: you’re just trying to find a way to compliment my tie without seeming nice. so, thank you. anyway, i have this case. high school chemistry teacher keeps randomly choking on nothing.
house: so? he has anderson’s choking disease
wilson: no, it doesn’t only occur when he’s sleeping. not anderson’s.
there is a brief moment of homoerotically staring and grinning at each other
house: ok, i’ll take it.
he grabs the file
***
house: ok people, new case. man can’t stop choking!
cameron: hmmm… can’t be andersons…
foreman: could it be cancer in his throat?
house: that only shows up for a minute or two every few days?
chase: longmedicalnameadocis!
house: good thinking, test for that, in the mean time start him on fancydrugname.
*** in the clinic
house sighs, pops a few vicodin, and enters a clinic room
clinic patient: my knees hurt.
house takes a good hard look at the patient. he’s ancient. every inch of him is wrinkled. his head has only a few surviving white hairs. next to him is who house assumes is his daughter.
house (sarcastically): hhhmmm… now this is a hard one.
daughter: please take him seriously! just a week ago it seemed like he was way younger! he had barely any wrinkles, he was running 4 miles a day- he was healthy and fit! something’s up!
the patient coughs and begins to struggle to breathe. he takes out an inhaler.
daughter: a week ago he didn’t need an inhaler. now he’s using it multiple times a day!
house (not sarcastically this time): interesting… i want to run a few tests.
*** in the office
foreman: fancydrugname made him worse.
house: chase you idiot you were way wrong.
chase: 😣😣🥺🥺
house writes the new symptoms on the board
foreman: i think it’s neurological.
house: okay, what neurological disorder could cause this?
foreman thinks in contemplation
cameron: insertanotherlongmedicalnamehere?
chase: there’s no treatment for that.
house: wrong. we can do surgery
foreman: surgery?
house: take out part of his brain
*** cuddy’s office
cuddy (angry): NO! you cannot cut into this man’s brain with no proof! it’s a rare condition, most people with it die and this treatment has never been used for the condition before!
house: i have proof.
cuddy: oh really?
house: yes. i think it will work and i’m always right.
cuddy shakes her head
cuddy: no.
*** in the clinic, same patient as before
daughter: please tell me you know what’s wrong with him.
the patient has a bag of almonds in his hand. he is shoveling handfuls of them into his mouth
house: jeez, that’s a lot of almonds- **epiphany moment** house: i have to go!!
daughter: what? what about my dad!!!
house (from out the clinic room): get him to stop eating all those damn almonds!!
*** mr roberts’ room
house: have you been exposed to large amounts of almonds recently?
mr roberts: yes, my son just started working at an almond factory.
house: aha! my proof!
house leaves, leaving mr roberts confused and in distress
*** mr roberts gets the surgery and is cured
once again, wilson and house are walking together. wilson is eating almonds
wilson: want one?
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masterlist and important info
here we are, folks. 💕
hyunjins-orange-slice 2.0! i was forced to make a new blog, so i will be reposting all of my works from the original hyunjins-orange-slice here. and some new things im working on!
🚨THIS IS AN 18+ ONLY BLOG🚨
ageless and blank blogs will be blocked, no questions asked. (if you have fixed the issue, or feel you have been blocked unfairly, send a DM to @secret-orange-slice )
everything posted here is fiction and in no way represents stray kids in reality
my requests are open- the only rules i have are: i only write for skz, no noncon and no pregnancy, and nothing illegal. i reserve the right to deny any request for any reason. if i don’t answer your request, it means im not comfortable with it or i just haven’t got to it yet. feel free to send me a message for clarification. :)
im not on a posting schedule, i just post when it feels right.
please be kind and respectful. 💕
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Regally Smitten Masterlist
FLUFF
chan:
domestic drabble
thank you (another domestic drabble)
am i even your bias? (3racha drabble)
his princess (my first ever tumblr post)
confessions (fake text)
random texts with bf chan
asking bf chan if he would save you from zombies (texts, request)
when a song makes him think of you (texts)
reacting to jjam mv (texts)
random texts with daddy chan (ddlg, princess)
'connected' (chan series)
chapter one chapter two chapter three chapter four chapter five
chapter six
chapter seven
changbin
when changbin misses you (texts)
jeongin
fake texts noona request
minho
the color? he’s lame (texts, minho confession, request)
seungmin
random texts with bf seungmin
felix
random texts with bf felix
ot8
do you still love me? (text)
more jeongin and seungmin texts
ANGST
minho drabble (idk if this is “angst” it’s just sad) hyunjin drunk argument hyunjin drunk argument part2
i’m not your fucking dad (fake texts, chan breakup)
toxic chan being jealous (texts)
jisung when he’s distant because of work (texts, happy ending, request)
stop banging on the door (chan, texts)
chan confesses after you get caught with changbin (texts)
han confesses after catching you with minho (texts, request)
jeongin confesses and hyunjin confesses (texts, request)
stop hanging out with my family (hyung line, texts, request)
baby you’re a blessing (texts, jeongin angst)
jealous skz when someone pays for your food (texts, request)
jealous skz from above part 2 (texts)
jealous changbin texts (request)
HURT/COMFORT
chan
untitled
i can’t stand to see you cry
nightmare
texts when you’re anxious about a date
texts bsf chan (who may be in love with you) when your boyfriend isnt being a good boyfriend
what daddy chan says to comfort you
when you cancel plans because you’re feeling insecure (texts)
when your period is close (texts)
han
if you’re feeling it, then it’s valid (texts, request)
hyunjin
here’s the plan (period request)
untitled (eating disorder comfort)
felix
my wittle pookie wookie bear
changbin
texts when you injure yourself at the gym (request)
changbin confesses after you’re stood up (texts, request)
seungmin
texts bsf seungmin when you have a bad breakup
when you tell him you have anxiety
SMUT 18+
chan
his good girl, always (my favorite piece i’ve done) safe word (hard dom chan)
sleepy morning drabble
kissing (short oral drabble)
untitled (oral backstage at music core)
reacting to his insta (fake text)
untitled (soft dom chan, somnophilia)
i said, sit (daddy chan, face riding)
karma in the shape of a god
all the things chan would whisper in your ear
kneeling on the floor (chan version)
adrenaline rush (lolla chicago suggestive drabble)
so is it true? (texts)
reacting to dominATE seoul photos (texts, daddy chan)
is this what you had in mind, baby? (daddy chan)
i’ll help you through it, yeah? (virgin reader, request)
minho
untitled (dom minho, bondage, etc)
i like your panties
i like your cock (i like your panties part 2)
hyunjin
Daddy, let me help
Daddy, let me help part 2
sleepy morning drabble
untitled (soft dom hyunjin punishment)
is the door even locked? (soft dom daddy hyunjin, public sex)
han
wash it first (phone sex)
kneeling on the floor (han version)
ot8
skz catching you reading fan fiction
skz when you say ily in bed
when you’re too shy to send a spicy picture (texts- hyung line)
when you’re too shy to send a spicy picture (texts- maknae line)
skz when you text “you can come now, they’re gone.”
the one where chan teaches minho to share
if you like that, what if i did this? (minsung x reader)
calling them by their name request (texts)
best friend skz catching you masturbating (texts hyung line)
best friend skz catching you masturbating (texts maknae line)
flirting with bsf skz (texts, request) hyung line
flirting with bsf skz (texts, maknae line)
fuck the sadness out of me (3racha, texts, request)
well it worked (fuck the sadness out of me, 3racha, written part 2)
now you don’t have to choose (texts, jeongin and seungmin)
skz helping you shave (texts)
daddy!chan helping you shave
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dailyadventureprompts · 8 months
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Monsters Reimagined: Yeenoghu, Demon Lord of Insatiable Hunger
It's been some years since I did my overhaul on the lore of the gnolls and how they embody the weird de/humanization that goes on with various monsters over d&d's history. Ever since I've had more than a few folks write in asking about how I would handle the default Gnoll God Yeenoghu, who exists in a similar state of "Kill everything that ever existed" to Orcus and a good portion of the game's other late game threats, thematically flat and not really useful for building stories around.
For a while I've avoided doing this post because I thought it might skew a little too close to my personal philosophy, and risk going from simply being influenced by my views to an outright soapbox. I personally hold that despite being part of our nature hunger is the source of the majority of human cruelty, and if society and cooperation are the tools we developed to best fight against the threat of famine, it is fear of that famine that allows the powerful to control society and secure their positions of privilege.
I've also dealt with disordered eating in a prior period of my life, alternating between neglecting my body's needs and punishing myself for needing in the first place. I'm well acquainted with hunger and the hollowing effect it can have, though I'd never claim to know it so well as someone who went hungry by anything other than choice and self hatred.
Learning to love food again saved saved my life. The joy of eating, of feeling whole and nourished, yes, but there was also the joy of making: of experimenting, improving, providing, being connected to a great tradition of cultivation which has guided our entire species.
If I was going to talk about an evil god of hunger, I was going to have to touch on all of that, and now that it's out in the open I can continue with a more thematic and narrative discussion on the beast of butchery below the cut.
What's wrong: Going by the default lore, there's not much that really separates Yeenoghu from any other chaotic evil mega-boss. He wants to kill everything in vicious ways, and encourages his followers to do the same. He's there so that the evil clerics can have someone to pray to because the objectively good gods are on the party's side and wouldn't help a bunch of cannibalistic slavers.
This is boring, we've done this song and dance before, and the only reason that there are so many demon lords/evil gods/archdevils like this is because the bioessentialism baked into the older editions of the game's lore was also a theological essentialism, and that every group had to have their own gods which perfectly embodied their ethos and there was no crossover whatsoever, themes be damned.
Normally I'd do a whole section about "what can be salvaged" from an old concept, but we're scraping the bottom of the barrel right from the inset. Likewise my trick of combining multiple bits of underwritten d&d mythology to make a sturdier concept isn't going to work as most of d&d's other gods of hunger or famine are similar levels of paper thin.
How do we fix it: I want Yeenoghu to be the opposite of the path I found myself on, a hunger so great and so painful that it percludes happiness, cooperation, or even rational thought. Hunger not as a sumptuous hedonistic gluttony but a hollowing emptiness that compels violence and desperation. More than just psychopathic slaughter and gore, it is becalmed sailors drinking seawater to quench their thirst, the urban poor mixing sawdust and plaster into their food because their wages are not enough to afford grain.
This is where we get the idea of Yeenoghu as an enemy of society, not because violence is antithical to society ( I think we've learned by now how structured violence can really be) but because society fundamentally breaks down when it can't take care of the people who provide its foundations. Contrast the Beast of Butchery with one of my other favourite villainous famine spirits: Caracalla the grim trader, who embodies scarcity as a form of profit and control in to Yeenoghu's scarcity as suffering.
Into this we can also add the idea of the hungry dead, ghouls yes but also vampires, anything cursed with an eternal existence and appetites it no longer has the ability to sate. A large number of cultures across the world share the idea that the dead cannot rest while they are starving, which is why we leave offerings of food by their graves or pour out a glass to the ones we lost along the way.
On that topic, there's also a scrap of lore involving Doresain god of ghouls, who has been depicted as an on and off servant of Yeenoghu. Since I'm already remaking the mythology, I'd have Doresain act as a sort of saint or herald for the demon lord, the wicked but still partially reasonable entity who can villain monolog before the feral and all consuming demon god shows up.
Summing it all up: Yeenoghu isn't a demon you wittingly worship, it's a demon that claims you, marks you as its mouthpiece and through you seeks to consume more of the world. It gives you just enough strength to keep on living, keep on suffering, keep on filling that hole in your belly and feed it in turn.
The greatest of these mouthpieces is Doresain, an elf of ancient times who's unearthly hungers elevated him to demigod status. Known as the knawbone king, he dwells within a dread domain of the shadowfell, and is sought out only for his ability to intercede with the maw-fiend's rampages.
Signs: Unnaturally persistent hunger pangs, excessive drool and gurgling stomach noises, the growth of extra teeth in the mouth, stomachs splitting open into mouths.
Symbols: An animal with three jaws, a three tailed flail or spiked whip. A crown of knawed bones (Doresain)
Titles: Beast of butchery, the maw fiend, the knawing god
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