#do you guys realize that Eddie has touched Buck more this episode

[lover-of-mine]

Eddie casually touching Buck through the seasons.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

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Yay! 162:

---

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Because we’re temporarily sharing a bed?”

Buck nods. 

“No, man. We aren’t Charlie and Frank,” Eddie assures him. “But if we were, you’d be Frank.”

“WHAT?” Buck bursts. “Why would I be Frank?”

Eddie shrugs it off easily. “You read too much to be Charlie.”

“Are you claiming illiteracy, Eddie?” Buck challenges.

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “Just less literate than you. Please take that with offense, if possible.”

Buck smirks. See, this is why he asked. Not because he was actually worried. He just… He just needed the reminder that… That, fuck. No guy, no girl - no one - is worth sacrificing any time with Eddie. No one is worth asking Eddie to leave his home. No matter what.

“Well,” Buck smirks. “Just keep this conversation in mind when I shit the bed later.”

Eddie wrinkles his nose. “You’re disgusting.”

“Apparently you think so, Dayman.”

Eddie’s lip quirks. “You want to watch that show? Poop episode?”

Buck nods. “And the waterpark episode. With liquor.”

Eddie nods. “Whatever you need right now.”

And that sort of does it for Buck. 

He steps forward and hugs Eddie. Tight. Because hasn’t this been the whole damn point? Buck just wants to do whatever Eddie needs. And Eddie gets it. Is the same way. This is who they are. 

Eddie squeezes Buck tightly. One of his hands rests a little higher on Buck than usual when they hug. His fingers warm the bare skin on the back of Buck’s neck. Buck closes his eyes. He lets his head slump forward, just a little. His body starts to relax, like Eddie’s touch has changed a setting on his internal operating panel. 

“Thank you,” Buck whispers. 

“Yeah,” Eddie replies. Like it doesn’t even bear mentioning. “Do you want to talk more about it?”

“No,” Buck replies firmly. 

They don’t part from each other. 

“Buck?” Eddie asks after a moment.

“Yeah?”

“Is it because I’m staying here?” 

Fuck. Fuck. The last thing he needs is Eddie feeling guilty about anything else. 

“No,” Buck replies. “It’s because he’s a jackass and I don’t like being given ultimatums.”

Eddie pulls away from him finally. 

“No, Buck,” he says. “Come on. You can’t break up with him over me.” 

“I broke up with him over him,” Buck counters. “He was being paranoid and unreasonable.” 

“Still,” Eddie sighs. “It’s not… You can’t do that. You-you should fix it.”

“You’re ready to go back?” Buck asks.

“That’s not the point.” Eddie shakes his head. 

“Yes it is,” Buck says. “That’s exactly the point. I… I want you here. We didn’t do anything wrong. So do you really want to leave and for me to go apologize to him because he was being an ass?”

Eddie thinks about it for what feels like close to a minute. 

“No,” he admits finally. “I don’t.”

Buck feels a jolt of relief. He can’t quite say why. Maybe he should want to fix things with Tommy. Maybe that should be more important than Eddie’s prolonged sleepover. But it’s not. It’s not. 

“Then let’s forget about it for now, okay?” Buck asks. “Please?”

Eddie nods. “Yeah. Okay.”

🛏️

Watching TV doesn’t quite go the way Buck thinks it will, liquor or not. 

They try sitting on separate chairs. This clearly doesn’t work for either of them. A few shots of tequila later, and they’re on the floor side-by-side again. Pinkies buzzing in proximity, but not quite linked. 

At one point, Eddie twists his back in an uncomfortable stretch. Yeah, the floor kind of sucks. Buck needs a damn couch. 

“We could, uh, move,” Buck suggests. 

“Move?” Eddie echoes. 

“Upstairs,” Buck clarifies. Then he blushes, realizing how it sounds. “Uh, I mean, we could play it on my laptop. From bed. We’re going to end up there anyway in, like, forty minutes.”

Eddie checks the time and whistles. “We’re getting old.”

“All the more reason to be comfortable,” Buck replies. He has no idea why he’s pressing. Really. 

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “I could go for that.”

So they migrate to bed. Buck props the laptop up on a raiser he has from when his leg was in a cast and he did a lot of computer use from bed. They prop themselves up on a collection of pillows, leaning into each other ever so slightly. 

And then…

Well, okay…

It’s not so much that Tommy was right. 

Tommy wasn’t right. Plus he’s an ass. So two faults for him.

But… Okay, maybe Buck can see where he was coming from. 

Because they’re a little buzzed. And they’re laughing at the show. And they’re leaning into each other. And they’re hands are brushing under a blanket. And nothing about it feels like two friends sharing a bed because it’s the only possible thing to do. Nothing about it feels like just friendly at all. Eddie slides his hand into Buck’s, and their fingers lace together, and it feels like something more. 

Buck doesn’t really know what to do about it. He doesn’t know what it means. And he doesn’t want to question it. Because he likes it. A lot. He likes it far more than he’s sad or mad about Tommy. 

So he just keeps holding Eddie’s hand. And neither of them says a thing about it.

iv.

From there, it only gets worse. Or better? Better, for sure. Just, not for Buck’s clarity. He has no idea what’s going on. Truly, none. But he’s loving it?

He just can’t say so. Because that would feel like jinxing it. He doesn’t want to jinx this at all.

It becomes a routine. They get back from work, they eat dinner together, they watch TV in bed, they fall asleep touching. Holding hands becomes an arm looped around a shoulder. Which becomes a hug. Which becomes limbs tangled together. A head tucked into a chest. A hand sifting lazily through hair. 

It’s not overnight, of course. It takes weeks.

[deluweil]

Yea the I agree with last anon! The Ana Eddie breakup just felt too like final. You could see it in how sad and almost upset Eddie looked at himself in that scene. Like he was crying 😢. And I even think Ana kinda knew. I mean she did make the horse comment. Plus she seemed more like she wanted what’s best for Eddie more than to fight for him. At least that’s what I saw. It’s hard to even explain what that scene was conveying. Im coming up on that episode in my rewatch right now. But I think all the therapy and realizations he’s had since then he’s not gonna backtrack and date a woman. The next date or love interest will be a guy I think.

From your mouth 🙏💜

I've watched and rewatched those episodes, too, and yeah, that comment about the horse riding and also the fact that there is very little interaction (read none) between Ana and Buck when she and Christopher came to the firehouse.

In fact, the only time we saw any communication between the two, was when she called to tell Buck Eddie woke up and was asking for him. (I'm assuming that's what happened anyway.)

She could have called to face-time Christopher, but that was Buck, and she could have stayed with them in the room while Buck visited, but she wasn't there.

On some level, I am almost certain that both Ana and Taylor knew that the boys' hearts were not into the relationships.

There was very little touch between (Eddie and Ana) them that seemed comfortable or comforting.

I do believe that the only way this can go is if Eddie’s next date is with a man rather than another woman.

He didn't respond to any woman (Shannon notwithstanding-, and I have a lot to say about that relationship, too), and Eddie says himself when he talks to Buck in 5x02, that Ana is the only other woman he wanted to spend that much time with since Shannon - woman, not person. Because he spends time with Buck all the time.

And he used the words stick it out, there's no love there, no sign of attraction, he has no smile on his face.

The only time we saw him smiling awkwardly while talking about her was after she taught him math. - There was nothing attractive about that scene.🙈😂 - And I'm a teacher lol.

I have so much more to say, but the bottom line is that you are definitely correct in your opinion/speculation that the next LI/date will have to be a man for character development sake.

[favefandomimagines]

I Bought A Ring (e.b.)

Summary: Abby’s back and Buck doesn’t know how to handle the news. And neither do you. 

AN: i’m still PISSED that abby came back even if only for an episode, my poor buck was so hurt ): this was something i had deep in my drafts and now that buck is blowing up it seemed like a good time to post it!

there is a buck fic similar to this and i just wanna say that i did not copy or steal the idea. i’ve had this in my drafts for months since season 3 ended so no one stole anyone’s idea! if you wanna check out their fic their username is @lotsoflovefromlea and the fic is titled ‘Second Best’ it’s really really good

You didn’t think you’d have to face the day when Buck’s past came back to haunt him. You were hoping it would stay in the past and you would be his future. But life has a funny way of putting us to the test. 

After the train crash, and Buck saw Abby again, he had been acting distant. Distant enough for you to notice that something was wrong. It wasn’t hard to notice, especially when the two of you live together. 

He would rarely talk when you had the same shift at the 118, there was no conversation during dinner and he’d come to bed long after you had already fallen asleep. 

It had gotten to the point where you didn’t even remember the last time he kissed you or touched you. And you had enough of the maltreatment. 

You exited the shower and saw him standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. You walked down the stairs and stood across from him, the tension between the two of you painfully obvious. 

“What’s been going on with you?” You asked, breaking the ice. “What do you mean?” He asked, not meeting your gaze. “Seriously? Buck, you’ve been acting like I killed your dog for three weeks since the train crash. What the hell is going on?” You explained. 

Buck sighed before looking up at you. He knew he couldn’t keep secrets from you. Including ones that could possibly change your relationship. 

“Abby reached out to me. She wanted to meet up to talk.” He said. Buck could tell by the way your right eyebrow was raised and your eyes narrowed that you were not happy. “Really? And you went?” You asked. “Yeah.” Buck answered quietly. 

You laughed bitterly before walking around the counter back towards the stairs. “God, you just can’t seem to let her go, can you?” You started. “It’s been, what? Two years? Two years since she left you for her ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ experience and got engaged? And who was the one who never left your side? Me. It was me, Evan and even now, you can’t seem to realize how terrible she was to you. Face it, you were her midlife crisis and you fell in love with her and never fell back out. All while making me fall in love with you.” You finished. 

Sure you were a tad bit cruel, but it was what he needed to hear. No one wanting to be the one who had to pop his perfect bubble when it came to Abby. 

“I stayed with you when you were suing the department for christ sake! And I can’t do it anymore, Evan.” You added. There it was again. His dreaded first name. The name you never used unless you were beyond angry with him. And he hated hearing it come from your lips. “Y/N, what do you mean?” He asked. 

Fear was coursing through his body as he waited for you to finally leave him. After everything he put you through, Abby was the last straw. 

“I mean, maybe we should take a break. Until you figure out what it is you really want.” You answered. It wasn’t something you wanted nor did you think it would ever happen. “No. No, no, Y/N, don’t do this.” He begged, walking towards you. “I have too. Since she came back, this relationship has been one sided and I don’t deserve that.” You said. 

“Please, Y/N, I love you.” Buck told you. “Do you? Because you have a funny way of showing it.” You replied. You swiftly grabbed your keys and your purse and made a path towards the exit. “So this is it? You’re breaking up with me?” Buck asked, causing you to stop. 

“I don’t want to. But you seem to have unresolved feelings for Abby and you can’t claim to love one person wholeheartedly when you clearly don’t. Figure it out, Buck. But remember who was here when no one else was.” You answered before leaving the house. 

You didn’t know where else to go after you left. So you decided to go to Bobby and Athena’s. Bobby was like a father to you when you joined the 118 and you trusted him more than you trusted most people. 

After trying to straighten yourself up and wipe the tears from your face, you got out of the car and headed to the front door. You knocked a couple of times and waited for the door to open. 

When it did, Athena’s face softened when she saw you and instantly knew something was wrong. “Y/N? What’s wrong? What happened?” She asked, ushering you inside. “I didn’t know where else to go.” You answered. 

Bobby, wondering who was at the door, turned the corner and saw you standing in the entryway. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked. “Buck and I got into a fight. He went to meet up with Abby and he didn’t tell meand I just, I just don’t understand why he won’t let her go. Am I not enough?” You explained. 

Athena shushed you and pulled you into a hug to comfort you. She knew Buck was stubborn but not so much that you felt you had to leave. Bobby was furious. He hated seeing you so upset and he was frustrated with the young man for making you think you weren’t enough for him. 

After a few minutes, Athena made up the guest bedroom for you and said you could stay as long as you needed. But you hoped it wouldn’t have to be for long. 

__

Bobby arrived at the station in search for Buck and found him sulking while Hen and Chimney were grilling him about his mood. “What’s wrong with you today?” Chimney asked. “Him and Y/N got in a fight last night and she walked out on him.” Bobby answered for him. 

Buck looked up at his captain with wide eyes, wondering how he knew about the prior events. “She stayed at mine and Athena’s last night.” He added. Buck let out a sigh of relief, mainly because he was worried sick about you. You didn’t answer a single one of his calls or texts and he didn’t know where you went off to. 

“Why did she walk out on you?” Hen asked. “Because I may have went to meet up with Abby the other day. And apparently I had been acting distant towards Y/N and she confronted me.” Buck explained. “Seriously? You still have feelings for Abby?” Hen asked. “No, Hen-” Buck tried to explain but was interrupted by his coworkers. 

“Y/N is the perfect girl for you and you’re throwing her away for someone who left you?” She continued. “Hen,” Buck started. “You’re stupid but not this stupid.” She said. “Hen! I don’t have feelings for Abby anymore. I wanted to give her a chance to explain why she left and to thank her. Because if she wouldn’t have left, I wouldn’t have met Y/N.” Buck interrupted. 

“And I,” He started before he stopped himself, not sure if he wanted to tell everyone his secret. “You what?” Eddie asked. Buck looked up at his friends before sighing. “I bought a ring.” He answered. “Wait, what?” Chimney asked. “I bought a ring. I was going to propose but then I got all in my head after Abby showed up. I thought Y/N would say no and she’d leave me just like Abby did.” Buck explained. 

The rest of the 118 crew was silent as they looked down at Buck. Hen sat down across from him before speaking. “That girl is head over heels in love with you, Buck. She has been since the first time she met you and the last thing she would do is leave you like Abby did. Though, because of Abby, she felt she had no choice.” She said. 

“I need to get her back. I didn’t even know what to do this morning without her.” Buck said. “When does she come in for her shift?” He asked Bobby. “She was supposed to be here by now. She left before me.” The man answered. 

Before anyone could form a theory about your whereabouts, the bell went off signaling they had a call. 

They soon arrived to the scene of a car accident, one car completely flipped upside down. 

The 118 stopped short, however, when they noticed who’s car was upside down. It was yours that was hit by a guy texting and driving and ran a red light. 

“Y/N?” Buck called, running to the driver side door. “Buck, you’re too close to this.” Bobby stopped him. “We’re all too close to this, Bobby.” Buck rebutted. Bobby looked at Athena and gestured for her to keep Buck away from the scene. “Keep him away from her.” He instructed his. wife. 

Eddie began trying to get the door off and Hen and Chimney noticed you were still conscious, struggling to get out and stay awake. 

“Y/N, can you hear me?” Hen asked. “Yeah. I-I can hear you.” You stammered. “I have a piece of shrapnel between the third and fourth intercostal space. Mild to severe concussion and around three broken ribs, and a possible pulmonary contusion.” You told them. 

Both EMTs were surprised that you could still diagnose and recognize your symptoms while having a concussion and actively bleeding. 

Once the door was off the car, Hen and Chimney set down the backboard and Eddie began cutting your seatbelt. 

“Where’s Buck?” You asked him. “Bobby won’t let him help. He’s too close to this one.” Eddie answered. “Aren’t you all though?” You joked. Eddie laughed dryly as the seatbelt was cut free. “Can you move?” He asked. 

You looked down at the piece of metal from the seat and back up at him. “You have to pull it out.” You told him. “Y/N,” Eddie started. “Eddie, you have to pull it out or I won’t be able to move. I have a concussion, I’m already bleeding and in about five minutes I’m going to pass out. I will slowly bleed out from the inside if I don’t move. Pull the damn thing out.” You snapped. 

Eddie looked at you for a moment before glancing over at Buck, arguing with Athena. As Eddie pulled the piece of metal out of your side, Buck broke free of Athena’s grasp and fell to his friend’s side. 

“Y/N, baby, are you okay?” He asked frantically. “I’m going to pass out in a couple of seconds so I’m sorry, Buck. For what happened last night.” You spoke, your breathing becoming shallower. “Buck we gotta move her.” Eddie told him. 

Your eyes fell closed slowly and the heart rate monitor attached to you started beeping rapidly. “We gotta get her out now.” Hen instructed. Bobby pulled Buck back as he watched in horror while his friends began giving you CPR once they pulled you from the car.

Your heart beat thankfully went back to normal and Chimney and Hen loaded you into the back of the ambulance. 

Buck took the liberty of joining you considering he was your emergency contact, having no other family in LA.

Once the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Buck, Chimney and Hen were forced to stay at the ER bay, not being allowed to go with you. 

Buck watched as the doctors took you away and this quickly became his worst nightmare. What if you didn’t make it? What if the last conversation you had was a fight? 

Bobby’s hand rested on Buck’s shoulder as they all watched you disappear down the hallway. 

__

It had been hours. Hours of the 118 sitting in the waiting room for you to come out of surgery. Buck was a nervous wreck and no amount of consoling from Maddie or Eddie made it any better. He knew she should have told you about meeting with Abby but he was afraid of ruining everything. But not telling you made it ten times worse. 

“Evan Buckley?” A doctor called, alerting the entire crew. “Th-That’s me. I’m Evan Buckley.” Buck replied. “Y/N is going to be okay. We repaired the damage to her lung as well as the other internal damage she received from the car crash. She still had a major concussion and she’ll be out of commission for a while, but she got incredibly lucky.” The doctor explained. 

Buck let out a very visible sigh of relief, as did everyone else. “Can I see her?” Buck asked. “She’s in the ICU so only a couple of people at a time.” The doctor said. “You go, Buck. We’ll see her when she’s moved to a normal room.” Bobby told him. 

He nodded his head and followed the doctor to your room. He saw you lying in the hospital bed, multiple IVs in your hands and arms and an oxygen tube in your nose. 

Your eyes were still closed but he could tell you were awake, though hearing the doctor’s voice alerted you. 

“Y/N, someone’s here to see you.” You turned your head slightly and saw Buck standing in the doorway. “Hi.” You said quietly, your voice still hoarse from the breathing tube in surgery. 

Buck sat in the chair next to you, his eyes red and watering. “I am so sorry, Y/N,” He whispered. “I should have told you about Abby but I met with her to get closure. And to thank her because if she wouldn’t have left me, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.” He added. 

“It’s okay. I should have let you explained.” You replied. “I have something else to tell you.” Buck said. “Oh no, now what?” You joked. “I bought a ring.” He said. “Like, a ring ring?” You questioned. “Yes, a ring ring.” Buck laughed. “Where is it?” You asked.

Buck let go of your hand for a moment and fished the piece of jewelry out of his pocket.

“You have to put it on for me.” You said. Buck looked at you in disbelief as he smiled, sliding the ring on your left finger. “I’m assuming that’s a yes.” He said. “Of course it is. I’d be stupid to say no to you.” You told him with a smile.

Buck squeezed your hand gently as he looked at the ring on your finger. “I never want to come that close to losing you ever again.” He muttered. “You won’t. I don’t plan on leaving you for a long time.” You said. “Good. Because I really don’t know what I’d do without you.” Buck said. 

He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on your forehead as you looked down at the ring. “You did a good job.” You commented. Buck laughed at your comment, causing a smile to grace your face. “Hen and Maddie helped.” He said. “I figured as much.” You replied. 

The rest of the evening, or whatever time of day you thought it was, Buck stayed by your side. Even when the doctors were running their tests and looking over your condition. After almost losing you, there was no way you were going to get rid of Buck even for a moment. 

[very-feral-lesbian]

So just finished and I want to say my critique is different because I fully was one of the people who thought this would be heart racing danger, so I expected big huge messy emotions. But right away I had to laugh because I think it was a deliberate directional choice to not make us afraid. Legit for any of of them. It was a story momentum for Probie, Hen and Eddie. So just saying once I realized Buck and Eddie were in actual control my perspective changed how I viewed it.

My heart legit broke for Eddie because he is going through something. A meeting of like his worlds/desires?? Because it was clear the whole story was to put Eddie with this Dad, I mean we never even got a reason why the other dude was helping him. I didn't even feel Boddy Athena intense energy. It was like the writers needed a situation and found the laziest way to make it happen. I'm not even mad at it just stating why I wasnt pissed at the lack of over dramatics.

Also Taylor has a motive I just dont totally get it yet. She is inadvertently coming after one of the 118 but the means and how I'm not sure. I saw a prior anon mention Athena so now I'm worried what footage she has of her. Honestly it could just be naming the Dad who knows, (that would be a huge portrayal to Eddie) but that damn is about to break.

Anyways if you ship Buddie this should have been a good episode IMHO because poor Eddie, something is brewing. He's clearly compartmentalizing feelings. I think we have a few interesting episodes after the Halloween one coming.

Also does anyone know why they switched them? Odd choice.

yeah I mean this is definitely the most buddie-coded episode so far in the season in my opinion. its more subtle, so you have to kind of analyze and dig but there was a lot of parallels comparisons to buck and eddie and the hostage guy.

i mean eddie is clearly going through something but we just don’t know what. im hoping that they touch on in the next couple of episodes. (my optimism tells me that he is finally accepting himself and his feelings towards buck and is having trouble compartmentalizing his feelings because he’s afraid that it would push it buck away and he doesn’t wanna do that to chris.)

and yeah i definitely think taylor is suspicious right now but I am going to keep an open mind because I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt even though she doesn’t really deserve it after what she did in season two.

and all we know about the episodes which was that some scenes from the halloween episode needed to be re-filmed but we don’t know if that’s the only reason or something else happened

i also am happy to see some advancement in the storyline for hen and chimney. i miss all of the characters in general and want to see where they’re taking their stories the season.

I am really tired and I have been answering asks all day so forgive me if this is a little bit of a half assed reply but thanks for analysis! i haven’t really seen many people talk about their explicit opinions about this episode so thank you

[on-maars]

Indigo Night

Just a cute lil fic based on this post because it was honestly hilarious.

Title doesn’t really have anything to do with the fic, I just like the song. 

Read it on AO3.

It’s a quiet night inside the fire station.

Eddie is comfortably seated on the couch, waiting for their next call but secretly hoping he can sleep until the end of his shift.

Hen is seated on his right side. She seems focused on a book but from the way her eyes keep shutting every few seconds, Eddie knows she’s one second away from falling asleep.

Chimney’s there too, sprawled on the armchair, his eyes fixed on the television currently broadcasting an old episode of Friends, his mouth agape.

And then there’s Bobby, seated at the table, focused on some documents. Only Buck is absent, probably still fast asleep in his bunk downstairs.

“What you doing, Cap?” Hen asks from the couch, her voice low.

“Just getting the paperwork ready for when Eddie and Buck finally get together.” Bobby answers and his voice is deadly serious but a small smile still stretches up his lips at the edges. Eddie whirls his head around and rolls his eyes at him.

“That’s hilarious, Cap.” He says sarcastically and sighs, throwing his head backwards until it touches the backrest of the couch.

“He’s not wrong, y'know.” Chimney adds. “Just tell the damn man you’re in love with him already. This is getting embarrassing.”

Eddies lets out a small laugh and shakes his head in disbelief. There’s no point in denying it any longer – he thinks. Because he is. In love with Buck, that is.

And it’s not breaking news either. It might have been a few years ago, might have been a few months ago, even. But not anymore.

It seems to be a widely accepted truth among the 118. Whether it be among his closest co-workers or among the b-shift as well, everybody just seems to be in the confidence. Nobody questions it. No-one even doubts it. It’s just there, so vibrant, so loud, and Eddie just came to the conclusion that there was simply no need to acknowledge the elephant in the room. No need to make it clearer than it already is. Not after what happened. Not after that day.

Not after the shooting.

Christopher knows, too. Eddie thought he had been discreet enough not to arise suspicion from his own son, but when this one asked him whether the reason he broke up with Ana was because he was in love with ‘his Bucky’, Eddie realized that he had read it all wrong once again. Christopher was just too damn smart for his own good.

Even his own family. Abuela, Tia Pepa, his sisters, all of them confronted him with the truth the day after his break-up with Ana.

“For the love of god Eds please tell him because we’re getting real tired to hear you whine about it every single time we have you on Skype.”

And in his defense, Eddie’s trying. He’s trying really hard to get the message through the thick brain of his best-friend but he may as well waste his breath.

“Yeah well.” Eddie starts and rubs his temples with his hands, holding back a yawn. “I’ve been trying, guys. Buck is just… Clueless.”

“Maybe it’s time you use a more direct approach?” Bobby dares asking after a few seconds.

“Clearer than making him the legal guardian of my own son?” Eddie asks, raising his eyebrows at him, unimpressed.

“Fair enough.” Hen admits quietly. “But you know, maybe you should just be m-”

The rest of the sentence dies in her throat as Buck makes his way upstairs. His steps are heavy with sleep, a steady beat that gives Eddie more comfort than he’d care to admit. His hair is completely disheveled, his face grizzled as he makes his way towards the couch. He takes a seat next to his best-friend, their thighs pressed together and that’s just another thing that drives Eddie crazy, the way Buck always seems to seek comfort in his arms, whether it be after a short nap inside the fire station, after a long shift or a hard call.

And who’s Eddie to deny him? He can’t.

So once again, he lifts his arm and his face softens when Buck instantly leans against him, shyly, discreetly, as if he’s still wondering if it’s allowed, as if he’s still wondering if that’s not crossing a line in their friendship. Eddie wraps his left arm around his shoulders and ignores the knowing looks of both Hen and Chimney, tracing small patterns on Buck’s chest instead.

“What were you guys talkin about?” He says, his voice still groggy from his nap.

“Eddie’s new crush.” Hen says so naturally Eddie almost misses it. But then Buck suddenly sits straight, whirling his head around until his eyes are fixed on him.

“Your… Your new crush?” Buck asks and his face scrunches up in the most adorable confusion Eddie has to physically refrain himself from cradling his chin and kiss him right there on this couch. “You… You didn’t tell me you were… Interested in someone.”

“Yeah well… That’s actually the reason I broke up with Ana.” Eddie tells him, looking at his best-friend without batting an eyelid. For a few seconds, Eddie thinks he can see a flash of hope and longing cross his best-friend’s eyes but it’s gone just as fast. Buck’s eyes still shuttle back and forth, though, as if performing an internal scan of his face and Eddie only wishes he could know what kind of thoughts invade his best-friend’s brain.

“Oh.” Buck only answers, looking away. His eyebrows are furrowed in confusion and there’s that faraway look plastered on his face, the one he gets when his brain is working too fast for his head to catch up. “I- I didn’t know.” He adds. “That’s cool, man.” He says, his tone so cheerful and it’s like a switch flipped in his brain. There’s no confusion, anymore. No hesitation. No hope either. Almost like he pushed these feelings far, far in the back of his brain and forced himself to adopt his good old careless, bright and sparkling attitude.

“Yeah. I’ve actually been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for, like, six months now. No response.” Eddie says. Hen snorts next to him.

“Wow they sound stupid, Eds.” Buck answers.

“But they’re not.” Eddie contradicts him. “They’re really smart, actually. Just… dense.”

“Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like I don’t know… ‘Hey I love you.’”

Eddie raises his eyes until they fall on Chimney and Hen who’re both watching him with so much expectation and what the hell? Eddie thinks, the opportunity is right there and it’s too good to be true and he would be damned if he didn’t use it.

“Yeah I guess you’re right.” He says, and takes a deep breath before adding: “Hey Buck, I love you.”

“Yes exactly!” Buck answers, smiling big and Eddie raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Just say that!”

“Holy fucking shit.” Eddie whispers while pressing his hand on his forehead, disbelief clearly shown on his face. Hen dissolves in laughter and Chimney hits his head with his book, like he can’t quite believe he saw that scene with his own two eyes.

“If that flies over their head then sorry Eddie, but they’re too dumb for you.” Buck adds after a few seconds, and really, Eddie always prided himself for being a patient man but there’s only so much he can do. “What’s her name?” Buck goes on asking and Eddie sighs.

“She’s a he, Buck.” Eddie instantly answers, exasperated. “He. Masculine. A guy. I like dudes, alright?”

“Really?” Buck smiles. “Do I know him?”

“Oh for Christ’s sake.” Hen groans, rolling her eyes.

And just when Eddie thinks he got through to Buck-

The bell rings.

The call is not bad. Nothing too major. No fire. No major injuries. Just a small car accident, the people involved more frightened than injured. They still take a few minutes to make sure everyone is okay and Eddie’s honestly thankful for the distraction.

Buck is there with him and they’re working in sync just like they always do, but his friend seems to be in a faraway land, his face constantly scrunched up in confusion. Eddie can feel his gaze out of the corner of the eye and there’s nothing more he wants than to turn around and kiss him to finally remove any doubt from his best-friend’s head but they’re on a call and Eddie knows that this is probably the least suited place to have that kind of conversation.

They need to keep it professional.

The drive back is silent, filled with an uneasiness no-one dares to question. Buck is seated right next to him in the ambulance, their shoulders touching with every turns and jolts. No-one questions it anymore. They stopped doing that a long time ago. Hen and Chim are there as well, facing them, invading their safe space and so Eddie gently nudges Buck, making sure his best-friend knows he’s there and ready to talk as soon as they can have some form of privacy.

When they get back inside the fire station, Eddie is once again drawn to Buck. He takes a seat next to him on the couch and smiles to himself when Hen, Chim and Bobby all collectively decided to give them the room.

Eddie can sense the anxiety radiating from his friend’s body and so he decides to take the matter into his own hands and gently catches Buck’s wrist and regularly taps his soft skin with his index, until he can feel his best-friend’s body relaxing next to him.

“Eds, this… this guy.” Buck starts, his voice uncertain, filled with doubt. “Is he uh... a good friend of yours?” He asks and Eddie knows there’s more to it than Buck lets himself express.

“Yeah, Buck.” He answers, squeezing his wrist and looking up at him. “The best-friend I’ve ever had.” He says and Buck’s breath catches in his throat.

“Well for the record, I- I’m pretty sure he likes you too.” Buck says, glancing at him nervously but looking away just as fast.

“Oh, you think?” Eddie teases him and that brings a smile to Buck’s face.

“I know.” He corrects himself. “I know he does. He just- I guess he just didn’t know how to tell you, and- and he also needed to be 100% sure that this was the direction you two were taking to- to actually do something about it.”

When Buck looks up, Eddie smiles softly at him and runs his right hand through his hair, letting it on the back of his head afterwards, making sure he has his undivided attention before saying these next few words.

“Then maybe you should tell him he’s it for me.” He says, and then adds: “I’m all in, Buck.”

“I love you.” Buck blurts out but he doesn’t stop there. “And I love Christopher. So damn much.” He adds. “So damn much.” He repeats. That makes Eddie smile. “But- Eds, you- I’m a lot of hard-work and I- I’m so messed-up man you have no idea how messed-up I am.” Buck marks a pause, and adds. “I mean, who am I kidding, of course- of course you do because you’re you and you’re putting up with my shit all the damn time and I’m just-”

Eddie cuts him off by pressing their lips together.

His thumb rubs his cheek while the rest of his fingers play with the roots of his hair. Buck’s palm is pressed on his chest and the next second, Eddie can feel Buck’s fist hold his shirt tightly, creasing it.

“There’s nothing to put up with.” Eddie says against his lips, cupping his cheeks with his hands to make him look up. “Alright?” He adds.

“Alright.” Buck’s voice is still fragile.

“Good.” Eddie says. “Glad we got that cleared up.” He adds casually and Buck scoffs. “Next time though, maybe be a bit quicker on the uptake?”

“Oh fuck off.” Buck says, nudging him playfully. He stays silent for a while before adding: “Can we go back ho-” He closes his eyes and shakes his head, correcting himself. “Can I hang out at your place tonight?”

Eddie sighs and intertwines their fingers together.

“Course you can.” He only says. “This is your home too, Evan.”

[buddieisgoingcanon2024]

What do you think are the best buck and Eddie episodes?

Starting with the obvious...

Season 2

2x01 - meeting

2x03 - earthquake and end with Buck bringing Eddie to get Chris at School

2x04 - the touching, Buck goes again to the hospital with Eddie to check on his family (when he should have gone alone). Also Maddie saying that Buck has a “CRUSH” on Eddie.

2x06- Buddie helping Maddie move in to her new home. Maddie says “He’s so cute.” Buck thinks she is saying that towards Eddie but it’s actually about Chimney. Also Eddie coming over to interupt Buck and Taylor’s talk including a side eye towards B.

2x08 - the gay old couple tragedy. But before they both die Buck says “I guess I can only hope to find something that good”. Then one of the old guys says “You don’t find it, you make it”.

2x10 - Christmas episode

2x13 - the short Buddie scene in the hospital

2x17 - Shannon decides to divorce Eddie and right after that dies in an accident.

2x18 - the looks from Eddie to Buck during the engine truck crushing Bucks leg. Also Buck refusing to not go to Eddie’s “commencement” to become a full fledged Fire Fighter.

Season 3

3x01 - the end scene with Eddie waking Buck up to get him out of his funk. Also realizing that E has a key to B’s apartment.

3x03 - basically the end scenes with Buddie when they realize Chris is fine and Buck collapses to the chair in realization that everyone is fine. And the whole Eddie comes to drop off Chris again after the tsunami scene. “THERE’S NOBODY IN THIS WORLD I TRUST WITH MY SON MORE... THAN YOU”!

3x04 - Eddie’s look towards Buck’s butt in the beginning of this episode.

3x05 - fight in grocery store

3x06- the coming back together after the whole lawsuit story.

3x09 - THE KITCHEN SCENE

3x10 - Christmas with Buddie, Chris, Hen and Denny

3x11 - “This is Eddie’s House, I’m not really a guest”.

3x12 - talk about Chris and Buck comes up with the idea of the adaptive skateboard. And the adorable family scene at the end of the episode.

3x15 - EDDIE BEGINS Full episode

3x18 - talking like fathers to each other at the beginning of the episode about Chris going to sleep away camp for 2 weeks. And the adorableness of Buddie and Chris at May’s graduation party. Also Eddie being catty about Abby in the train car.

Sorry for the long post, but I basically wrote why I thought all of these episodes were big for Buddie! Enjoy.

[thisissirius]

written for an anon who wanted any pairing,  “You haven’t laughed in a long time and I guess I was staring ‘cause I forgot what happiness looked like on you.” Reposted because TUMBLR FUCKED UP. stupid tumblr.

get loved eddie/buck, post-episode “powerless” and uses speculation of the next episode but no spoilers!

It’s exhausting.

Buck’s running on adrenaline alone, emotionally and physically battered by the day’s events. The power outage and the problems that brought, Athena - and Buck can’t handle the implications of that right now - and the train crash.

Abby.

Watching her walk away from him was tough and Buck’s been certain for so long he would never see her again, wonders if he would have if not for the crash. Pushing it down and dealing with the people who need his help takes most of his attention, pretending he’s not flaying apart on the inside is easy.

Eddie sees, because of course he does. He’s there when the words my fiancé ring through the air and Buck feels it like a physical punch. He’s there when Buck finds Abby’s fiancé and gets him free, trying not to think about what the ring on the guy’s finger means. He’s there at the end of it, when Abby touches his face, tells him a part of her will always love him.

“I know,” he manages, smiling slightly. It hurts less than he thought it would. “Same.”

“I’ll call you?”

“My number’s the same,” Buck informs her. He feels the press of Eddie along his side, and takes a deep breath. It gives him courage. “I’m glad I got to see you this last time.”

Abby looks surprised, then smiles gently. She really was something he desperately needed, a person he’s never going to be able to thank enough for the change she brought in him. “Take care, Buck.”

Buck nods, stares after her.

“We got clean up,” Eddie says, gloved-hand on his arm. Buck stares at it, at Eddie’s face. Face unreadable, eyes darting across Buck’s face like he’s looking for something. Buck feels something in his chest loosen. He nods and Eddie looks relieved. “Come on.”

“I don’t think my body’s ever been this tired,” Buck complains, collapsing onto one of the benches in the locker room. Hen snorts, tugging her sweater over her head. Buck cracks open an eye. “Don’t laugh. I’m serious.”

“Baby,” Hen coos, leaning down to ghost a kiss over his hair. “Yeah, maybe wash that first.”

Buck snorts. “I washed it! Not as well as if I was home, but it’s not my fault you were being cruel and got comeuppance.”

“Comeuppance,” Chim says, mouthing the word again.

“I know words,” Buck says, mock-pouting.

“Very long ones,” Eddie says loyally. He’s mostly changed, lacing up his boots, and raises an eyebrow when he catches Buck looking. “You’re coming over.”

It’s not a question.

“I am, huh?” Buck says, grinning.

“Yes,” Eddie says decisively. Standing, he eyes Buck’s locker. “So get dressed.”

“Yessir,” Buck snaps, tossing off a ridiculous salute and it does what he intends; everyone laughs.

They’re all tired, all suffering from the day’s events, and Buck doesn’t like to see his family sad. He does what he can to protect them, even when he’s not sure what to do with the storm of emotions in his own chest.

“Clothes, Buck,” Eddie prompts, rolling his eyes. “I’m not helping you clean your truck tomorrow when you realize it’s gross because you didn’t change.”

“I’m still gross,” Buck points out, gesturing at his hair. “So Hen says.”

Eddie’s smile widens. “You’re planning on rubbing your hair all over your car?”

“He’s tall, he can’t help it,” Chim cuts in unhelpfully, and shoulders his backpack. “Later, I have a girlfriend to kiss.”

“My sister,” Buck mutters but starts to pull on his clothes. He’s shivering a little from the cold and as much as he wants to spite Eddie for being a commanding asshole, he wants to be dressed more.

Hen chimes off another goodbye and Buck awkwardly waves. He’s left alone with Eddie, who’s leaning against the wall, thumbing through his phone. Buck lets himself look; it’s not weird, right? Eddie’s his best friend and it’s not Buck’s fault if he always looks good.

“So,” Eddie says, eyes meeting Buck’s slowly. “Abby.”

“I don’t want to talk about it here,” Buck says immediately.

Eddie nods, as though expecting it. “Cool. I told Carla you’re joining me at home. She’s gonna leave when we get there so decide if you actually wanna end up making breakfast in the morning.”

Buck laces up his sneakers and gives Eddie an unimpressed look. “Are you kidding? I thought we agreed you weren’t allowed in the kitchen anymore, man.”

“Ha ha,” Eddie deadpans. “I’m serious.”

“So am I,” Buck tells him, shutting his locker and grabbing his duffel. “As if I’m gonna let Christopher eat anything unless it’s vetted by me, Abuelita, or Bobby.”

There’s a strange look on Eddie’s face, but it’s gone quickly. “I hate that you know my Abuela so well.”

Buck knows better, so he sticks his tongue out. Childish, maybe, but he doesn’t care. He tells Eddie he’ll follow him home and Eddie agrees, heading for his own truck. Buck watches him go, letting out a slow breath. He doesn’t know why it’s so easy to be around Eddie, to feel everything he is and have it mean nothing because Eddie’s smiling at him, talking to him, caring about him.

That’s always got to mean something, right?

“It hurts,” he says, when they’re standing on the driveway. Eddie pauses, looks back over his shoulder. “But it hurts less when you’re around.”

It’s a moment that stretches, and Buck worries he’s said something wrong.

“Come on,” Eddie says, reaching for Buck’s hand. Buck lets him, squeezes when Eddie tugs him towards the house. “Let’s say goodnight to Chris.”

Chris is excited to see Buck, even though he’s almost asleep on Buck’s shoulder as he carries him down the hall. “You can make pancakes.”

Buck laughs gently, kisses Chris’ temple. “Can’t let your dad poison everyone,” he agrees.

“Right.” Chris is grinning as he settles in bed. “Buck?”

“Yeah?”

Chris is still smiling when he touches Buck’s face. “I wish you could stay forever.”

Warmth unfurls in Buck’s stomach and he grins, kisses Chris’ forehead. “Maybe I will, Superman.”

“Night, Buck.”

“Night,” Buck replies, backing out of the room. He leaves the door ajar, pausing in the hallway outside. “Fuck.”

“He told you, then?”

Buck’s head snaps up to meet Eddie’s amused smile. “Uh-”

Eddie steps closer, arms by his sides. He looks awkward, but there’s a certainty to his expression, a defiant tilt to his chin. “I wanted to get mad at Abby.” Buck stays silent, can see the uncertainty in Eddie, the way he shrugs, runs his fingers over each other. “She left you. She didn’t care that she’d hurt you, didn’t,” Eddie cuts himself off, meets Buck’s eyes again. “She loved you, though. Gave me the you that’s here, right now.”

“I loved her,” Buck says, because what else can he?

“I know.” Eddie nods, takes another step closer. Buck turns to face him, reaches out and Eddie steps into his embrace. Buck doesn’t know what’s happening, doesn’t know what to do with his hands, his lips, but Eddie does. He presses up, kisses Buck carefully. Right, Buck thinks. It’s right, and he rests his thumb against Eddie’s cheek. “And now you love me.”

On anyone else, it’s conceited. Eddie looks awed by the statement; eyes wide, stunned, like he can’t imagine how Buck could ever.

“Duh,” Buck says, kissing Eddie again.

“You’re hurting.” Eddie squeezes Buck’s hips.

“Maybe,” Buck allows, and he pulls Eddie closer. Eddie rests his cheek against Buck’s shoulder, and Buck cradles the back of his head, buries his face in Eddie’s hair. “It’ll fade.”

Eddie lets out a slow breath, relaxes under Buck’s hands. “Stay.”

“Can’t get rid of me,” Buck whispers, laughing gently. “Besides, I can’t let you cook for Chris anymore.”

“Asshole,” Eddie says. shoving at Buck’s shoulder.

It’s like the amusement cuts through everything else and Buck can’t stop laughing. He muffles it with his hand, not wanting to disturb Chris, and he only stops when he sees the look on Eddie’s face. “Why are you staring?”

“You haven’t laughed in a long time, like that,” Eddie says, waving his hand. “I guess I was staring ‘cause I forgot what happiness looked like on you.”

Buck shrugs, feels his face heat because he doesn’t know what to say to that. Eddie rests a hand on his shoulder, but Buck pulls him back in for a kiss, hand in Eddie’s hair. “You make me happy, Eddie.”

“Yeah?” Eddie breathes. For someone so confident, who trusts themselves, Eddie rarely sees the amazing person he is, the one Buck sees.

“Yeah.” Buck jerks his head in the direction of the bedroom. “Let me show you how much.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling warmly as they back up, pawing at Buck’s chest, hands in his hair as they kiss again.

This, Buck thinks, is what Abby’s absence gave him; a man who loves Buck in ways Buck didn’t know he could be loved. Wholeheartedly, carefully. As though Buck’s worth something.

[justsmilestuffhappens]

March 25th - Day 3: “Please don’t close your eyes!” + hurt @evanbuckleyweek

Reveal and Feel

Buck got ready for boys night thinking about the Diaz duo.

Christopher had been invited to the actual movies by some school friend's parents for a little group watch of a new movie. While buck'd miss him he also felt so happy that Christopher was going to be having fun with his friends and probably come back with a prize or two from the arcade while being pretty tired.

He'd make sure to distract Eddie a bit because he knew the guy still felt anxious about Chris going out and how fast he was growing up.

Buck was fresh out of the shower and still had an hour and a half before Eddie would be coming over once Christopher was picked up or dropped off.

He sat laid out on the couch catching the end of an episode.

A hand on his shoulder startled him awake.

"Whoa. It's okay Buck. It's just me. They picked him up early so I got some tacos and came by early." Eddie smiled buck blinked him into focus after rubbing his eyes.

It was at that moment that buck realized that he was in only his boxers. No!

He steeled his expression hoping Eddie hadn't picked up on his worry but knowing he probably already did. "Oh. Uh. That's cool, so what's in them this time? Chicken, beef, or pork?"

Eddie looked at buck's sudden enthusiastic interest with suspicion. "I got chicken and beef. Figured we could share a few if you wanted. Aren't you gonna get up and change? I mean not that I'm telling you what to do, it's your place, but aren't you gonna get cold?" Eddie asked with a nod.

"I uh. No, I'm good. I'm so tired I don't wanna get up. We can just eat here on the couch like we do sometimes." Buck suggested keeping his leg plastered flat to the couch underneath him.

"Pizza's less messy than tacos buck. Let's just get up and eat. Go get dressed. Come on, I'll help you up man." Eddie offered his hand.

Buck was running out of excuses. Two thoughts warred in his mind. Eddie was his friend he could share anything with. Eddie didn't need to hear about buck's problems when he had his own.

Buck sighed. "Can you turn around?"

"Okay?" Eddie turned to the kitchen. "Look if you have a boner it's not the end of the world. Sometimes they just happen dude." Eddie said tilting his head but stopping short of actually turning fully.

"Please, don't-"

"What's wrong? Just tell me Buck. Do you want me to leave? I can go," I don't want to but I will. I'd do anything for you. Eddie pleaded internally and externally while standing still lost in thought.

"Could you? Can you, close your eyes for a bit?" Buck asked. His voice was small.

"I can if you want, yeah. What's wrong? I'm starting to feel worried here Buck."

"It's my leg."

"Is it hurting? I know a few remedies and stuff that might work." Eddie offered still with his back to buck and his eyes squinted shut.

"No one's- only the doctor has really seen it ever since I got the cast off. It's, well, gnarly."

"Buck. You know I don't care how it looks right? As long as you're better and it's not hurting, that's what matters." Eddie turned around to look at Buck, really look at him.

For being all of more than 6 feet and built Buck still had this openness and vulnerability to him that Eddie both was jealous of and didn't understand but wanted to. It was a trusted sight to see him like this, telling Eddie about it. He didn't want to mess up and he'd damn well do his best not to.

Eddie got a thought and took off his shirt.

"What are you-?"

"Shh. It's my turn." Eddie smiled softly.

With Eddie's shirt thrown on the couch he came closer but with space still between them.

"No one usually sees it but it's there. I can't say I understand the pain because I didn't break a bone there but it's not pretty and that's okay."

Eddie gently took Bucks hand and brought it to the left side of his lower back.

There was a jagged scar that looked like a misshapen half flower.

"It's hard to see unless you're really paying attention or if someone feels it while touching me but it's there. It's a reminder that I had people watching my back and making sure I survived to come back home to my family. Just like yours is." Eddie said.

Buck gulped.

"You were on a battlefield though Eddie."

"Buck. The equivalent of an E.E.D took out the vehicle you were on with your team. I'd say it's enough of an even comparison to me being shot at in a warzone."

"So I have to show you mine now?" Buck asked with the slightest hint of a smile.

"Only if you want to. I chose to show you just like you have to be the one to choose when you want to show me. I'm not pushing but I'm here if and when you ever want to talk." Eddie let go of buck's hand and turned as it dropped to look Buck in the eyes.

Buck let out a shaky breath. "Don't say I didn't warn you." Buck sniffed.

"There's nothing about you I- are you sure?"

Buck sat down on the couch and propped up his leg allowing the back to be fully seen while Eddie sat closer.

At Eddie's scrunched up face Buck felt a little worried. "What?"

"It reminds me of the lightning that jumps from cloud to cloud." Eddie said.

"Ha. And you say I'm obsessed with the weather." Buck laughed.

"When Christopher is spouting off quotes he got from you I have to fact check. They've all been right so far." Eddie smirks. "Can I touch you?" At Buck's nod Eddie reaches out bringing buck's leg to rest between them on top of his own.

"The food?" Buck asks.

"We'll warm it up. I'm gonna massage your leg while we watch TV and you relax. It can wait."

"It doesn't hurt that much. But if you're offering though. And you're missing your shirt still mister masseuse, just so you know," Buck whispered.

"Just turn on a movie. And it's masseur," Eddie chuckled.

"Guess I can learn some stuff from you too."

Buck didn't have to be told twice.

[softbuckismykink]

The Last Goodbye

So I read that^ and came up with a story and I started writing it... Then when I was about to post I realized opps I read the pronouns wrong... Can’t be bothered to change my story though...  so here it is... :)

Not an x-over just borrowing characters from another show. To play Buck’s ex is Clay Spencer from SEAL Team. Now I didn’t watch the show pass like episode ten in season one so I don’t know much about the character or his origin story. I’m just borrowing him cause I can’t be assed to create an O.C. just for a one shot.  If you happen to have knowledge of how military/navy works please suspend your disbelief, I did research but honestly it’s just me reading wikipedia so I more than likely have gotten the elements concerning SEAL training and other military stuff wrong. You are warned. Don’t get offended.

Another Warning: This is a Buddie fic but it includes intimate scenes (not sex) between Buck and Clay, if you are a Buddie purist, this is your warning. 

X-posted on  AO3

Inspired by a tumblr post by @theladyandthewolves​ (Sorry I forgot to add, I did the linky link thing in AO3 but forgot to add it here)

Summary: In which team finds out Buck has a husband, when said husband turned up out of a blue and asked for a divorce. 

********

We were almost beautiful A broken piece of art put on display But we were never possible Another perfect moment thrown away I know somebody out there will love you They'll be the forever we never were 'Cause we were everything that's right at the wrong time

I didn't wanna lose you Leave you with a broken heart But wherever we are, we're miles apart I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye

Life is going good for Buck. He’s back at 118. His team forgave him and his best friend forgave him, and he’s on his way to forgiving himself. 2019 felt like a sucky year for him with the bombing, recovering from his injuries, the tsunami, the lawsuit, Eddie’s street fighting, Bobby’s being exposed to radiation and weeks of worrying about his found!father dying of either radiation poisoning, aplastic anemia, or some kind of cancer.  

Of course there’s no guarantee that 2020 is gonna be better, but Buck likes to feel optimistic about these things. He has to be since it feels like the rest of his found family are the gloom and loom type, so it’s his job to keep the spirits up or they’ll all fall into despair. He said as much to his team as they gather around the side of the fire truck, just having arrived for their shift.       

“No seriously look at what happened last year. I got that injury and I was admittedly surly for a while--”

“Oh you were more than surly, Buck.” Hen commented.

“Okay I was, but that’s not my point. My point was I not my usual happy self and you guys were all just affected by it. And I feel like it’s my fault.”

“Not everything is about you, Buck.” Eddie said, shaking his head, though clearly amused.

“I’m just saying, I’m on to something here because all bad luck started with me being injured last year. So this year part my new years’s resolution is to generate enough positive energy to drive away all the bad luck you guys attract.”

“Yeah right, we are the trouble magnets,” Hen gestures to herself and the rest of the crew, “not you who’s pretty much in competition with Chim for the Idiot with the Most Death-Defying Experience Award.”

“Of course, I mean Chim is still winning in that,” Buck said smugly, “which pretty much proves my point.”

“Okay, Buck. Whatever lets you sleep at night.” Chim shook his head, with a laugh.

The good natured ribbing continued until they all noticed a man standing by the entrance of the station. Dirty blond curls and a full beard, in tight henley and cargo pants, he looked out of place among the clean shaven firefighter crew but he walked inside with so much confidence that you’d think he owned the place. 

“Clay what are you doing here?” Buck asked as he walked towards the scruffy looking man. 

“Hi, Evan.” The man greeted as he met Buck half way, giving Buck a tight hug and, to the young firefighter’s surprise, a kiss on his cheek. Buck could feel the stares bore onto his back. “Sorry to drop in on you at work but I don’t have you phone number or home address.”

“You mean to tell me that years of working with CIA and you can’t even get my contact info?”

“I work as their muscle Evan, I don’t do the intelligence part.”

“We both know that’s bull, Clay. You speak six languages, you are more than just the muscle.”

“And you basically thought me five of those, though I speak nine now, not all fluently but I get by.”

“And you are still arrogant as ever.” Buck sighed, some things never changed. 

“Can we talk privately?” Clay asked when he noticed the peanut gallery behind Buck.

No. Buck thought, he didn’t really want to do this here in the station but it’s only the start of his shift and he can’t really leave so he said, “I can’t leave but we can talk inside, I got a couple minutes so it better be quick.”

***

Buck lead the man to the relative privacy that the locker room provides. It’s all glass enclosure and anyone from outside can see in but he knew his colleagues would know not to bother them or listen in. 

The moment they were inside the room, Buck turned his back towards the other man, taking a moment to close the door and gather his thoughts. Fucking Clay Spencer, six years and the man still has the ability to turn his day around, making him feel all out of sorts. Buck took a deep breath before facing his husband.

“Not to be morbid Clay, but I figured after I rang that bell the next time I’ll hear about you was when I get a death notification from a CACO officer.”

“Yeah I thought so too.” Clay admitted with a slight grimace. They were young, only 19 when they got married, but they both thought they’ll be together forever. “I mean I did promise ‘till death do us part. I always thought I’d at least fulfill the death portion of that promise. But I also thought I wouldn’t meet another person I’d want to marry again and I did. Her name’s Stella, she’s a grad student at Hudson State.”

“And now you want a divorce.”

“We were over years ago we just never got around to signing the papers for it.  I’m getting married in June so--”

“So what you figure you’d come to my place of work, greet me with a kiss like we last saw each other only this morning, not six years ago and what? Demand that I go sign the divorce papers so you could go on living your merry life?”

“Look Evan, I was an ass. Heck I still am, but I wasn’t the one who left. You did.”

“Let be real, we both know I couldn’t stay.” Buck said, because it was true. DADT was repealed but the prejudice lingers. When the instructors learned that yes Evan Spencer was related to Clay Spencer and no they weren’t brothers or cousins, well let’s just say things get ugly. “I was just holding you back. Being a SEAL was your dream.”

“And there was a time that it was yours too.”

“No, I-”  It never was. I did it to be with you is what Buck wanted to say but he knew that’s unfair to both of them so he said instead, “I did it because I don’t know what I want back then. But I what I did figure out is that I was never built for that kind of life, Clay.”

“I know. You were always too soft.” Clay commented. Buck glared which didn’t escape his husband’s notice. 

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way, Evan. I’m glad you never went through with the training. Of the two of us, you were always the saint--”

“And you are just digging a deeper hole, Spencer. You should quit while you’re ahead.”

“I should, but you know that’s not really my style.”

“You saying it’s mine?” Buck challenged, eager for a fight for some reason, but Clay didn’t rise to the bait.

“You’re putting words into my mouth Evan.” Clay step in closer to him, invading Buck’s personal space. “I never thought any less of you when you quit training. I was actually relieved that you did. You were so determined when you told me you wanted to be a SEAL and I couldn’t say no even if I wanted to. So much. Cause I knew it would break you in ways that I never wanted for you, in ways that would take the best part of you that I loved so much. It was why as much as I hate him, I had Dad pull some strings to get you out of your contract and discharged. I didn’t think you’d take that as a cue to walk away.”

“You think I’m fragile, Clay but I’m not.”

“No,” Clay denied, stepping even closer, close enough that Buck could feel the other man’s breath against his cheek as the SEAL look him in the eye and explained, “I treat you like you are fragile, because that’s how you treat something that’s precious. I’ll admit to that. But I know you are strongest person I’ve ever met, Evan. I loved that about you.” 

“Then why did you let go?” Buck said, his words are demanding but his tone is all but resigned.

“Why didn’t you stay?” Clay parried back, equally yielding. They both knew the answer to each other’s question, love isn’t enough to keep them together and that’s their reality. That doesn’t negate the magnetic attraction they felt towards each other.

The SEAL stepped even closer, their foreheads within a hair’s breadth of the other, as their lips slowly gravitated towards each other. Buck felt the brush of the other man’s dry lips against his own. The touch is so painfully familiar, but gone was the spark his memories insist had once accompanied such intimate gesture. Still Buck felt nostalgic and he was just about to give in and press back when he heard a knock. They sprung apart and Buck turned to the person at the door. Buck saw his best friend leaning against the doorway arms tight cross against his chest. 

“Buck, Cap wants you for the stand-up meeting.” Eddie said tersely informed Buck while glaring at the other man. “Upstairs kitchen. Five minutes.”

“Okay, I’ll be up in two Eds.” Buck nodded with a strained smile. “Thanks for letting me know.” 

“I don’t mind but you gotta hurry or Cap would get pissed.” Eddie said before walking away, but not without directing one last glare at Buck’s visitor.

“Did he just call you, Buck?” Clay asked as soon as Eddie left the room.  “You change your surname back to Buckley? Since when?”

“Not that it’s any of your business but about two years ago after the DOD finally let me back stateside, before I started at the fire Academy. Just for work and my direct deposit bank, for now. I never got around to doing it for anything else. I guess I have to now.”

“You don’t have to. No law requires it of you.” Clay made to close the gap between them again only for Buck to step back. “It would be an unnecessary hassle.”

“You are getting married, Clay. To another person. You don’t get to act possessive and ask me to keep a name I’m half way to dropping.” Buck shook his head, clearly Clay hadn’t change a bit, still one with the need possessively attach his name to everything. The sound of a ladder truck returning reminded Buck of the meeting he was called to, “Look I really need to get going. Give me your phone.”

“Evan I-” Clay started but at the firefighter’s impatient glare, he reluctantly hands over his phone. Buck quickly typed in his contact information.

“There you have my contact number.” Buck handed the phone back and turned to leave, saying over his shoulders, “I also put in my mailing address, so you know where to send in the divorce paper.” 

“Wait, Evan--” Clay called after him, most likely noticing that Buck never put in his home address. “This is a P.O. box.” 

“Where I get my mails delivered to and I know you know how that works.” Buck walked away before the other man could launch another protest.

***

“So Buck who’s the hunk of meat?” Hen asked as soon as Buck reached the landing of the upstairs loft where the kitchen is located. His crew gathered around the kitchen island where Bobby was preparing breakfast, not at all looking like they are about to have any kind of job related meeting.

“I thought we were doing stand-up meeting?”

“No that was just Eddie here letting out the green eyed mons--Ouch!” Chimney’s explanation was interrupted by Hen elbowing him in the sternum.

“You look like you needed a save so I intervened, I didn’t know I’d be interrupting something.” Eddie remarked, a touch snidely.

“You didn’t interrupt anything. Clay was just um, saying goodbye.”

“I didn’t know friends say goodbye with a kiss.” 

“Clay’s not exactly my friend.”

“Well, he’s not family not with that kiss. What is he an ex-fling? A phase? Is that why he calls you Evan?” Eddie asked eyebrows raised and suspicious.

“Yeah I wondered about that too, we thought you said everyone just call you Buck.” Chim said, scratching his head, “I mean even your sister calls you Buck.”

“Not exactly an ex. And he’s not a phase!” Buck protested, offended at the word phase. At the surprised looks that his friends are giving him for his unusual outburst, he mellowed, shrugged and said, “I mean Clay is Clay. He always called me Evan. Ever since high school.”

“Why?”

“Um, Clay didn’t like that the name Buck is short for Buckley. Some sort of caveman reason I guessed.”

“Okay so the guy is more than a fling then?” Eddie prodded, not letting the topic die like Buck had silently asking him too, with his pointed looks. So much for best friend telepathy.

Buck sighed, resigned to admitting something he has been mum about ever since starting at 118. “Clay Spencer is my husband, or rather my soon to be ex-husband, he’s filing for divorce so.” 

It took a moment for his words to sink in and 

“Wait, what the fuck?! You were married?! And you didn’t tell us?!” Eddie asked sounding a little furious.

“To a man?!” Chim added, confounded and unable to think.

“And now you’re getting a divorce?” Bobby said calmly but the twitch of his eyebrow and the way he straightened up clearly betrayed his surprise.

“Wow my gaydar’s needs readjustment,” Hen shook her head, frowning. “I just thought you were hetero-flexible not full-on freewheeling.”

His team spoke one after another, all shocked at his revelation which granted was a little unexpected coming from him, a reformed self-diagnosed sex addict who’s afraid of commitment. 

“So what happened?” Hen asked being the first one to recover from the shock of Buck’s surprising revelation.

“Between Clay and I?” Buck asked then continued at Hen’s nod, “Well we were together since freshman year, in high school. Um- we bonded over having absent fathers. I thought we’d be together forever but Clay also wanted to join the Navy like his Dad, so we’ve always kept our relationship low key-ish until DADT got repealed. After that, we said fuck it, and got married. My dad got so mad when he found out, which was more because we were only nineteen back then, not because it was so gay which didn’t help of course but yes more because we were just kids when we got married,” Buck explained trying for casual, as he sat himself in the couch. “Anyways Clay enlisted and got into SEAL pipeline program. I got in a year after him, but I had to quit, we separated, the rest they say is history.”

“So that’s why two you broke-up? Because you quit SEAL training?” Bobby asked leaning on the railing across the couch Buck was seated at. Besides the captain is his best friend, Eddie, who has a blank look on his face that Buck couldn’t even begin to decipher. 

“Um he wanted to be a SEAL and I knew I was just holding him back so...” Buck trailed off, noticing how his team look at him with pity in their eyes, “Shit guys don’t look at me that way I’m not some broken piece of glass okay?”

When the pitying looks continued, and Bobby moved as if to comfort him, Buck said, “No, seriously guys, I’m okay. I’m not at all broken up about this at all, so you guys shouldn’t be either. Me and Clay were done years ago. It’s just we got lazy and didn’t get around to signing papers until now.”

“You don’t have to put on front with us, kid.” Chim said moving on to sit in the couch beside his while Hen moved to sit beside him. “We are family, heck you are practically my brother.”

“Chim’s right, Buckaroo. It’s okay to be not okay. We won’t think any less of you if you for it.” Hen added, laying a comforting hand on his shoulders.

“I’m seriously fine. I mean I’m not gonna lie and say it never affected me or that  it didn’t hurt. Because I did, years ago when first broke up, cause I really thought we were forever. But now? I’m not even sad or anything.”

“But if you are, you know that we are here for you, right?”

“I know that Bobby. And I appreciate it.” There was a prolonged silence that lingered for  a couple of minutes as they all just looking for words to say. Eventually Chimney, as always, broke that silence with a joking remark.

“Okay but seriously how did you land some one that hot?” Chim teased Buck.

“Chim seriously?! Your bi is showing.” Hen smirked. 

“What? I’m just saying that is one beast of a man. I’m just wondering what he saw in our Buck.”

“Hey, quit it hobbit,” Hen slapped her best friend in the arm, “Our Buck here is equally as beastly looking if not more.” 

“Hen, not that I don’t appreciate the vote of confidence because I truly do, but I don’t think ‘beastly’ is a look I aspire to project you know.”

“Joking aside, did you really go through SEAL training? Did you mean like BUD/s?” Chim asked, curious about Buck’s past but knowing the younger man would rather not talk about his soon-to-be ex-husband. At  Buck’s nod Chimney asked again, “Isn’t that only for Enlisted Navy?”

“You said you weren’t in the Navy.” Bobby added, confused.

“I wasn’t, I mean not really. I mean technically I was one but only for like less than 180 days? Which meant I got like an ELS.” Buck tried explaining, only garnering more confused looks. “Entry-Level Separation. I entered the program through SEAL Challenge Contract. I got through ‘Hell Week’ at BUD/s but I DOR’d a week after that. So it was like only give or take 155 days before I DOR’d. Which was why I don’t claim to be in the Navy because I barely was in it.”

“DOR?” Hen asked.

“Dropped on request. Clay I guessed heard about it when he was in SQT,” Buck started but had to clarify again, “er SEAL qualification training. Anyways, the instructors were about to shuffle me into the fleet as an enlisted sailor, which is usually what happens when a SEAL candidate drops out. But suddenly I got an offer that the brass would waive my Navy Enlistment contract if I would agree to work as a civilian linguistic analyst attached to a joint operation between the DOD and DEA that’s based in Chile. It was an unusual offer but I figured Clay’s father who’s a retired SEAL pulled some strings. I took the offer and spent four years bouncing around between bases in South America doing translation work.”

“Wait you said you bartender’d in South America, not Schneider’d you way through it.”

“What’s Schneider’d? And when did I say that?”

“Cocaine Wars,” Bobby said as if that alone explains it but of course Evan ‘as far as I’m concerned the world started when I was born’ Buckley didn’t get that reference, so Bobby had to explain further, “Schneider is the name of the actor who is an undercover DEA agent working in South America. And you told me when you were pulling that worm out of that guy who ate a lot of sushi.”

“I wasn’t an undercover agent, I only did translation work in a black site in South America but can’t actually say that in front of strangers so I said the first appropriate thing that came to mind.”

“Bartending is the first thing that came to mind?” 

“Well no not the very first thing... um stripping was actually but that seemed inappropriate too?” Buck said, scratching his head. At the incredulous looks he is getting from his team he defended,  “What?! Bartending is believable job I could have been doing. I mean Bobby did believe it.” 

“That’s not what--” Chim wanted to explain but was interrupted by the sound of the alarms going off. 

****

“You were awfully quiet after me telling you guys about Clay.” Buck said as soon as him and Eddie were left alone in the locker room. “You barely talked to me all day too. Is there a problem?”

“No.” Eddie replied, abrupt and clearly not wanting to talk about it but at seeing Buck’s pleading gaze, he relented, “Okay I admit I was a little upset because I thought by now we told each other everything. But then I get a slap in the face and realize I don’t know you at all. I mean I didn’t even tell me you were married.  Or that you ex-husband is a slimy squid.”

“I’m still technically married. And I believe military term is frogmen not squid.”

“Well maybe  in the Navy, in the Army they are slimy squids.” Eddie huffed.  “Seriously though, Buck. Why didn’t you tell me? I mean we talked about our exes before. You told me about Abby. You know about Shannon. Heck I even told you about Alex from boot camp. So I don’t know why you thought you couldn’t tell me about your ex-husband Clay.”

“It’s for the same reason you didn’t talk about your ex-wife back when I first asked you.”

“You asked me that before we got really close. And she’s not my ex-wife, she was my wife. There’s a difference.”

“Exactly, she wasn’t your ex-wife. Just like Clay isn’t my ex-husband. I didn’t talk about him like he is my ex because he isn’t.”

“You were separated, you said you didn’t see each other for six years.”

“I know that. I know in my head we are over and truly broken up,” Buck said while gesturing to his head then he laid his hand on his chest, “But here. Well here it’s stupid, because here there’s hope. So I didn’t talk about him like he’s my ex because then it would be like admitting that it’s truly over, no takebacksies over. I was over Clay but I guess I hadn’t reach that point where my heart’s willing to acknowledge it.”

“You dated a lot after him though, that’s like more than acknowledging it. That’s moving on.”

“It’s adapting a coping mechanism. An unhealthy one at that. I had a long list of one night stands because felt rejected and needed validation. Plus I like having sex but I was determined not to let anyone in again. Then I met Abby, who made me realize I crave intimacy not sex, she made me feel safe to love again, but she left before I could commit to loving her. Which was fortunate cause I don’t know how would get over it if she left me after I learned to love her.”

“I don’t think loving someone could be learned, Buck. Either you do, or you don’t.”

“Maybe so. But my point was I didn’t talk about him cause I thought I wasn’t over him yet. And I would have when I’m ready. I didn’t know when I just knew that talking about him before that would be like--”

“Like poking an open wound.” 

“Yes exactly like that.” Buck picked up that metaphor and expounded on it. “What I didn’t realize was that wound long scabbed over. And I left it thinking that if I picked on it, it would bleed again. Only to find out today that it’s all healed.”

“What was the kiss then?”

“The what?”

“The kiss I interrupted Buck.”

“I’m not sure but it felt like a goodbye.”

“I’m not an expert, Buck, but when he kissed you it looked more than just goodbye.” If Buck didn’t know better, he’d say Eddie sounded jealous as he said, “He’s all over you.”

“He isn’t. He kissed me but I’m telling you now, that kiss doesn’t feel like it meant anything to him. Or me. It’s not like what you think.”

“If you say so.” Eddie looked to Buck tryin g to see the truth in his eyes.

“I say so.” Buck said determined as held the other man’s gaze for a few moments, before looking away and shyly admitting, “Besides there is someone else I like.”

The words linger in the air between them as their eyes locked on to each other’s yet again; and slowly they gravitated towards each other without either knowing it. Their foreheads touched, nose brushing. The moment their lips brush, Buck felt the tingle in up his spine making him slightly weak in the knees. He held on to the older man’s waist to help himself stay upright. Eddie lifted his hand to caress the back of Buck’s head as he leaned in to deepen the kiss. Buck can’t help the moan the escaped his lips. And Eddie took that as an opportunity to slip his tongue and explore the younger man’s mouth.  If it was up to Eddie it would have gone further further but Buck pulled away.

“I’m not--” Buck shook his head, trying to clear it from the haze. “I like you but you were just widowed, and I still need to get divorced.”

“Okay, but just so you know this,” Eddie said gesturing at the air between them, “this is gonna happen. I’ll be asking you out as soon as you drop the name Spencer.”

“Not if I  asked you first.”

“Fair enough. As long as I get to eventually marry you, that’s fine.”

“Sure as long as you don’t expect me to take your name.”

“Maybe I’ll take yours instead. Edmundo Buckley has a nice ring to it don’t you think.”

“Yeah, definitely.” Buck managed to spat out with a straight face. They both look at each other in the eye before laughing out loud at the name.

Fuck Edmundo Buckley sounds ridiculous, maybe just this once Buck would take one for the team and take Eddie’s name anyway. Evan Diaz after all sounded way better. 

[judesstfrancis]

a note on race in 911

I'm trying to sound........Nice here, bc I know a lot of u are like literal children and maybe u just don't know certain Nuances then and that's fine that's not your fault it's a product of society not teaching u these things bc they don't traditionally apply to u etc etc

so this is going to be a nice informational post free of my own yelling for once bc I genuinely want u to understand, so if this gets a little long bear with me, I'm trying

I want to start off by saying I'm talking about the portrayal of a mexican american man as a mexican american person myself. I don't have experience with other races, bc I'm only latine, so that's why this is what I'm sticking to. it's not to ignore anything else, it's to stay in my own lane

in the newest episode we have seen that eddie diaz, a latino man, suddenly has Anger Issues. anger issues which have, up to now, never made an appearance in canon, not even by a passing mention. he decides to deal with these rising issues by taking up street fighting.

my problem here is the glaring stereotype that brown men, specifically latino men, are angry. that they're all volatile, that they all fight, that they all have something simmering just under their skin that makes them somehow dangerous.

and up to this point all we've really seen is a kind man with a son who keeps his friends and family safe and does his best to do right by everyone. even when a coworker hated him, he treated them with kindness and respect. something that latine people have to do all to often to just get by, but in this case I genuinely think with his characterization that's just how he Is. he's nice, he's a sweet guy.

and maybe the dig at his son is what set him off in the first place. if it had left at that, I would have been fine. sure, a casual misstep maybe, but hey I'd do the same thing in the same situation. but it clearly isn't. bc it's still happening, bc through out the episode he keeps blowing up. he keeps shouting and at the end he's shown street fighting.

again, there's no previous basis for this to happen.

romanticizing this or reacting to it in any positive way is a problem. using it as a plot device for buck to Fix Him, using it to further your angst headcanons, particularly if they lead to him having a bad childhood/home life, are not good.

saying that buck was obviously his impulse control and now that eddie can't talk to him anymore he doesn't know how to act is not good

and that's another thing I've started noticing as the episode settles in for more and more people and we've had more time to theorize and connect dots and wonder what comes next

buck is a white man. eddie is not. depicting buck as somehow being the thing that's going to save eddie plays dangerously into the white saviour trope

eddie doesn't need a white man to save him. maybe he needs help, maybe he needs support, but he doesn't specifically need the magical touch of someone who is white to make him all better

buck isn't his impulse control. he's not the only thing that keeps him together. they work together as a partnership, yes, and they're great together, on this I agree, but buck isn't the one Saving eddie

there's not some power imbalance where buck makes eddie better just by virtue of Being there, where eddie wouldn't be able to survive on his own without him

so those are my two cents! like I said if u didn't know it's an honest oversight, I get it. don't apologize. don't overstretch yourself trying to show me how guilty u are for pity points. realize what you've been playing into, and correct that. keep it in the back of your mind for when you may see the same tropes occur again in other media

and if you're just going to reply to this as a white person telling me why it shouldn't matter then don't bother bc u have clearly missed the point