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I know. We haven't been on the best of terms but. I was just told we're leaving soon??? And that pikmin who stole your shades. Her name is Bandit. I've grown attached to her and she's similarly attatched to me. And I don't know what to do I don't want to leave her behind but I probably have to. What. Do I do.
@santi-blogging
That LITTLE rascal?
Y’know, I’d usually just SAY to sneak them on, but, I just dunno if that’d be GOOD for their health, man.
It’s definitely NOT safe to stay here with them ON your own, either. I’m pretty SURE nearly everyone’s leaving- and that INCLUDES the ship.
I mean, there’s always OPTION to come back to this planet and TAKE a visit when everything’s all SETTLED, but, that might not be too safe EITHER.
..Y’know, the crashes.
But, I’m sure there will BE some sort of base set up on this PLANET sometime near. It has a LOT of potential; you could come to visit then, but that’s NOT an absolute.
At LEAST you will have the memory of them to smile back on, if push comes to SHOVE, man. And I’m sure they’ll REMEMBER you jut as fondly, too.
#and#If you’re ever feelin’ lonely man#don’t forget that I’d be totally up to hanging out yknow#like#anytime#ooc>#unreality#pikposting#bernard pikmin#pikmin 4#santi pikmin
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the hunchback of notre dame characters and how much i would trust them with my drink at a party
quasimodo: 7.5/10 - off to a strong start, i just feel like quasi is assigned any task and hyper-focuses on it until its done. if you asked him to watch your drink he would almost definitely guard it with his life and clap anyone who asked about it at all, which is where he gets points off. he’s too protective sometimes, but its all in good intent.
esmerelda: 9/10 - another high one. i just feel like esmerelda goes to a lot of parties and is really good at gauging vibes and stuff and she’d just be really casual about it yknow? like you’d ask her and she’d take it and “yeah, of course? are you ok?” and scratch your shoulder or squeeze it or something. esmerelda’s the person at a party who i might not even know but i would feel comfortable hanging around if i knew i was getting too lost in the sauce.
phoebus: 5.5/10 - when i say this i mean musical phoebus specifically. like andrew samonsky phoebus is just a little bit too much of a noodle for me to be properly okay giving him my cup to hold. like i have this headcanon that if phoebus is staying sober, he’s the designated driver, he’s the best person to have around, like total dad, amazing i love him, but if he’s getting tanked? hes getting TANKED, and i just feel like he’d either forget why he’s holding it and set it down out of sight, or drink it himself, like he just wouldn’t be my first choice, but the one i had to give it too because i didn’t trust anyone else more. does that make sense?
clopin mfing trouillefou: somewhere between the liminality of 5.5 and 6/10 - first off, i wouldn’t be so sure that clopin isn’t the one putting shit in drinks. second, even if he’s not, i feel like he would accidentally spill it getting way too close up in someone’s personal space. however, i feel like if that did happen, he’s say some wack shit like “hey yeah it spilled so i got you another one” and it’s just an entire bottle of vodka, like it’s not what you had, but it’s still alcoholic, so really how bad is he? i think if he’s more sober, he’d be pretty chill about it, which is where the extra half point comes in. he’d set it down but keep an eye on it, let people know it’s his or something if someone tries to take it.
*gags* claude frollo: like???? 2/10? - and im not just saying that because i don’t like him. i just dont trust this guy, i feel like he’d hand it off to the first person that offered to take it from him, total disregard for the people around him please never ever give my drink to this man ever should he show his stupid face at a party at all.
jehan frollo :))) : 9/10 - ok please let me have a false interpretation of this man. like if you really wanted a realistic number, 5/10, i think he’d get really drunk and just not watch it, but my idealized version of the character is kind of akin to esmerelda, he asks if you’re ok, holds it close the entire time, and then when you come back he tops it off and offers if you wanna hang out with him for a while. god i’d kill to have a drunk conversation with jehan i feel like that would be so much fun. he’d take you and hunt down phoebus to safely drive you guys to like a fast food place so you could get burgers and sober up in an empty parking lot somewhere, holy shit watch me write completely separate headcanons for this.
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bonus!
pierre gringoire: 3/10 - first off, i don’t ever wanna go to a party with this guy jesus fuck he’d be so annoying, second, again, he would just like set your drink down and ignore it, and then get all whiny and bitchy when you get upset at him that it’s gone.
disney phoebus de martin: 6.5/10 - alright listen, disney phoebus does not get drunk and would hold your drink in the most neutral sense possible, but he’s also way more fucking hetero than musical phoebus so im taking points off for that, because you KNOW he’d stand behind esmerelda the entire time with a single breezer looking like he wants to either die himself or kill everyone who lays a finger on his girlfriend and he’d claim to support queer ppl but you as a queer person SEVERLY doubt that.
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I'd love to hear more of your Phobditor HCs!!
ohoho thank you for enabling me anon i am going to kiss you directly on the mouth /pl
also slight warning for spoilers to the new(??) ending of project nexus!! i don't talk explicitly about what happens in general, but the stuff involving phobos is mentioned in the very first hc so for those of you who don't wanna be spoiled you can just skip that one lol. grab sum popcorn lads this one's a long one snbcnkcnvmv
Phobditor HCs!!
rbs very much appreciated 👉👈
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so i hc that phobos didn't actually get banished at the end of MPN, but he did get his ass handed to him to the point where he was so injured and drained of energy that he couldn't use most of his abilities. he went into hiding for a while and eventually found the AAHW, which he proceeded to join since he didn't really have anywhere else to go. after he'd healed and returned to his full strengh the auditor recognised how potentially useful he could be as a second in command, but ofc he'd have to earn her trust first. normally i don't try to make things make sense like this but since the auditor isn't actually in MPN i thought i'd at least try lmao
the auditor: ruthless girlboss by day, feral spouse-adjacent shithead by night
phobos is basically the same but instead he's manipulate mansplain by day and malewife manwhore by night /hj
before they got closer they'd never really physically interacted w/ each other, so phobos kind of assumed the auditor would be at least slightly painful to touch [cuz yknow. she's made of fire lmao]. plus he'd witnessed her setting things and people on fire with her bare hands before and he'd rather not get turned into a walking bonfire, thanks. the closest she'd ever been to touching him previously was like flicking the antenna on his helmet to piss him off
but like way, WAY later he finds out that audi can actually manipulate the temperature of their flames to an extent, so when they touch his hand for the first time he's really surprised when they're just like. pleasantly warm. kinda like the fuzziness you feel after you drink something hot but on the outside of your body
however this has also resulted in phobos using her as a mobile safety blanket lmao. sometimes if it gets too cold in the office he'll wander up to her and bug her until she folds a wing around him and tucks his head under her chin
when he's being a shithead sometimes she'll just pick him up by the back of his jacket and drag him off like a disobedient kitten lmao
They don't really have a super crazy height difference normally [i hc that audi is around 6'3 and phobos is 5'10 if he's not slouching] but sometimes she just morphs herself to have a several-foot height advantage just to fuck with him. like she'll appear in his office as this 9-foot-tall behemoth and he'll just be like "?? excuse me?? ma'am?? you can't do this to me???"
before he got to know her better, phobos had no idea the auditor preferred she/they pronouns over they/it like the agents around him seemed to think. he never made a big deal out of it and never explicitly brought it up, but he remembers to switch it up for her every now and then. plus whenever audi overhears him doing that she gets all fuzzy inside sfbfnckvj
phobos really likes her wings. he actually might be a little jealous of them, but he'd never tell her that sfvngk
ever since audi found out about this, they tend to subtly unfurl them and use them to gesticulate more when he's around. occasionally she'll use the claws at the peaks of her wings on touchscreens in place of a finger n stuff. she's also [gently] swatted him upside the head with a wing a few times when he was being a dickhead, but it doesn't really hurt him lol
she also lets him pet them when they're not busy. contrary to what he'd assumed, it doesn't actually feel like a whole lot to her - she's described the feeling as something similar to how it feels to have someone tracing their fingers along the back of your hand
phobos stims sometimes!! he has a bad habit of masking while he's working since a few of them are vocal and he doesn't want to distract anyone, but if he's just hanging out with audi he's totally chill. one of his more common ones is when he thinks out loud, either quietly narrating his current train of thought or saying unrelated words - usually confirmations like 'yeah' or 'mhm' - out loud cuz he thinks they're fun to say. occasionally he'll start humming low in his throat kinda like a microwave cuz he likes how his voice feels in his chest
also when he's standing idle sometimes he holds his arms closer to his chest and fidget with them
the auditor doesn't stim, but to people who know them well their wings are like big signs that can wordlessly describe how they're feeling [which is like my favourite thing to write cos wing emoting is really fun skdjbknk]. occasionally they might subtly flutter their wings when they're very pleased or receive good news, or flare them out when they're irritated/stressed
i always forget that phobos is actually like super powerful in canon so i hc that audi does too lmao. like it always slips her mind that he can teleport too so she'll dramatically disappear after telling him off for doing some dumb shit and fuckin scream when he somehow appears in the same room as her less than a second later
phobos has a red and black lava lamp in his office!! he'd never admit it but he got it cuz it reminds him of audi :]
phobos loves watching audi in combat for some reason. i mean he already likes watching them do stuff so he can backseat drive, but he's also quietly admitted that her fighting style is interesting to watch
he can't really put it into words, but it's because the way they fight looks incredibly effortless and fluid, mainly due to them having so much time to adapt to and understand their powers [both their original powers and the ones granted by the halo]. when phobos' own abilities started to surface he was incredibly unstable and struggled to properly harness them for months, so he thinks it's nice to watch someone who actually knows what they're doing for once.
much to the auditor's surprise, phobos is actually a bit insecure behind all that confudence, particularly about scars. after being close to her for a while, phobos came out of his shell a bit and explained how he managed to grant himself his powers/abilities, which is something i'll absolutely go further in depth with later [via a longer hc that i'm gonna post eventually lol] but to summarise he basically infused himself with raw madness in what he's eloquently dubbed 'the incident'. Of course, doing that to himself didn't come without consequence, and he's permanently scored with a variation of lightning & burn scars on his forearms, thighs, and most of his torso.
for the longest time, the most casual thing he'd wear even around just her was the long-sleeved sweater he wore underneath his trench coat, and he refused to change even if he was literally overheating. though eventually after he told her about what happened he felt way more comfortable and now whenever they're in their shared room audi practically has to throw a shirt at him to get him to wear one sbkcjcnk
the auditor has a sort of subspace/pocket dimension where they can store different items and recall them at will. normally it's pretty empty, but ever since she grew to like phobos she's started keeping miscellaneous things in there for him. sometimes she pulls out a drink or snack that he likes, sometimes she pulls out a little water gun with phobos' name scrawled on it and shoots him with it when he's being a shithead
they are both,, SO fucking touch-starved. like they will not let go of each other [at least if they're not currently in the middle of something or around agency employees] cuz internally they're both just going "wow!!! that's a hand i'm holding!!!!! there's a hand holding my hand!!!! wow!!!!!! i love this!!!!!"
having one eye isn't exactly the best thing for depth perception, especially when you're really tired, so sometimes audi has to hold phobos' hand and guide him around in the mornings because he can [and has] walked into walls and counters
even since before they became a thing, phobos had been a little envious of the auditor's halo and the powers it granted her. he used to subtly try to yoink it from her, maliciously at first but far more playfully later, where he'd like lightly grab it and give it a gentle spin above her head like a mobile. but his infatuation with the halo kinda died after she decided to let him borrow/try it out once by allowing him to link with it
by linking i essentially mean like wearing it, but the halo is so powerful that you can't just 'wear' it without letting it bond with a part of you
long story short, he went into it with far too much overconfidence & cockiness and the halo violently rejected him, kind of like how it rejected the auditor once. he wasn't at all prepared for the sheer amount of power that surged through him the moment it started to link with him, so it essentially short-circuited his brain and knocked him unconscious for the better part of a week. when he woke again, the auditor told him he was lucky his head didn't explode and calmly suggested they never tried that again, and he felt inclined to agree.
of course, he still toys with the halo while the auditor's properly linked with it since he knows it can't link to more than one host at a time. and despite his seeming ease and "it's in the past" sort of mentality about the whole event, if someone mentions the concept of him actually taking the halo and linking with it again, he'll shudder and shake his head, saying it's not his place to do so.
the auditor has no doubt it delivered a pretty harsh blow to his ego [being rejected by the thing that would make him a god would prolly do that], but knows he's too prideful to admit that.
audi likes listening to phobos when he goes off on super long monologues, especially if they're like those super cheesy villain monologues. like he could literally be talking about anything and she'll sit there to hear him out, especially if it's less related to work and more about himself
the auditor is super deliberate in the way they pronounce things and they tend to casually drawl their words out to further cement their cool, unbothered boss persona. however the way she talks doesn't really intimidate phobos anymore since he's also been next to her right after she's been woken up, when she's mumbling quietly & slurring some of her words together. he knows the big scary boss side of the auditor is just a persona used for everyone but him, so he feels a lot more at ease with them even when they're trying to be scary
even after being together for a while, phobos still has no fucking idea what the auditor is made of. like he's admitted to her that he's genuinely clueless, and if she lets him he'll spend like 99% of their downtime quietly interacting with her flames [read: curling his fingers through them and petting them] while he muses about his hypotheses for how stuff like her liquidy-shadow form works. they were a little suspicious of his motives at first, but after they relaxed they realised he was just genuinely curious and willing to share his concepts to see if he was right
they have like. the smoothest banter anyone at the agency has seen. like it's super cheesy back-and-forth stuff that wouldn't sound out of place in an 80s sitcom, but it just kinda flows out when they're both comfortable. and ofc they'd deny it if anyone mentioned it but they literally banter like an old married couple lmAO
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#madness combat#madness auditor#madness phobos#phobditor#this ended up being way longer than i anticipated but writing this was the most fun i've had in months /gen#oh and sorry if the formatting is a little fucky lmao#i tried to keep related hcs closer together while setting different ones apart if that makes sense??#gfnsbkjck i had to refrain myself from writing more about certain hcs like audi's wing emoting or phobos fucking up his link with the halo#if anyone wants me to elaborate on those i won't shut up about them ever LMAO#still tysm anon this was very very fun /gen#gel.txt
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Hey, everybody! 👋
I actually wasn’t planning on doing anything for V-Day, but then OC Kiss week came up but I’m working on a HUGE story thing and I would like to put something out for it this month and there’s NO way of me trying to fit all that in. Then I remembered I made some poses for the Couples Challenge I did last month!
I had enough for me to call it a pack, and lord knows when I was gonna release these... might as well! The husbands are just having a lazy day and all of that (they’re engaged but yknow what I mean lmao).
How many poses?
3 with Couch, 2 with Bed (one pose has a variant). Marked A and B with description and thumbnails 👀
What do you need?
Any 3-seated Couch and Any Bed
Ottoman (Wicked Wicking Ottoman OR the Base Game... they’re about the same height).
Luumia’s Beer Bottle
Quiddity Jones’ Wine Glass - Wine Glass Right Bowl
Notes/Suggestions: There’s not much I can say tbh other than the usual. (may be a little clipping, made it for male sims but don’t let that stop you, etc).
Oh! Yes, I do! The last bed pose (or the bed poses in general) I had the idea of intimacy so, it’s intended for sims to be naked, but if you’re not cool with that, I am totally fine with it, there’s just gonna be some clipping. It’s more of a hanging out kind of deal and it depends on your pair’s relationship. Everyone got some sort of idea of what that means.
(On the flipside of nudity, the beer drinking one doesn’t have to be ‘nude’; that’s just John being who he is, but the foot placement is for modesty... whatever that is lol).
And for the ottoman, you’ll have to use bb.moveobjects.
💖Previews Here💖
As usual, feel free to ask me questions, tag #enniewritesathing or @ me! I’d love to see your sims! Don’t forget to like/reblog and check out my other poses!
[SFS] // [MF]
TY! @maxismatchccworld, @ts4-poses
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#ts4 poses#s4 poses#the sims 4 poses#sims 4 poses#simblr#ts4cc#s4cc#oc: john#oc: brian#oc pair: healing hands#my cc
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ok this is all ancient history considering i haven’t talked to my ex in like a year bcus fuck that guy but something reminded me of this one incident and got me pissed all over again on behalf of my past self so excuse me while i go off a bit
literally he just never respected anything about any of my identities like it’s been months since i uninstalled tinder but seeing his profile back then got me SO fucking annoyed that his cishet ass has the gall to put “lgbtq” as one of his primary interests when he deadnamed me regularly for MONTHS after i told him what i wanted to be called. & i was totally all like oh well he’s forgetful & it takes getting used to and we don’t see each other irl often bcus of the pandemic so i get it, until he was showing me something in our thread of texts on his phone & i saw that he after MONTHS he had never updated my name so i was like wtf!? you never edited that? we text every day you look at this shit all the time no wonder you can’t fucking remember. & he was like oh you want me to change it? like YES i want you to change it you fucking stupid brain dead moron are you joking?? not too long after that i had a dream where he called me my deadname & i knocked him to the ground and started kicking the shit out of him while yelling that’s not my name you’re so fucking stupid. why did i not just dump him after having a dream like that lmfao!!! but that’s not even the worst of it man what REALLY got to me.. so it took me literal YEARS of being like “hm mayhaps you have autism based on xyz, you should do some research” but being in too much denial to face it before i finally decided to do some digging, realized everything made sense & then had like an emotional breakdown over it bcus i had internalized so much ableism. and then ages after that before i felt like i could even consider telling anyone about it bcus i was convinced no one would love me if they knew something was ‘wrong’ with me lol but eventually i decided i needed to tell him bcus we would both do harmless but annoying shit due to being nd sometimes yknow, but where i would try to be understanding bcus i knew he had a really hard time w his adhd a lot of the time he just wouldn’t take me seriously or would joke abt things i did that i’d told him i didn’t appreciate him joking abt etc so i was like well maybe if he knew then the understanding would go both ways but even tho he KNEW how much being vulnerable doesn’t come easily to me when i told him the only vibe he gave off was that he didn’t really believe me & kept trying to talk me into getting professionally diagnosed even tho i listed off a dozen reasons why i absolutely am not interested in that. but that’s not even the part that pissed me off more than anything!!! bcus a few months after that we were hanging out at my place & he started telling me about the horribly annoying producer he’d had to work with the day before & said he was “autistic i guess or like definitely had something wrong w him socially” & went on to rant abt how this guy was so annoying & incompetent including lines like “i’m here to do my job, not to teach special ed” & all this shit i literally didn’t know what to say i couldn’t believe what i was hearing i just sat there quietly like hmm ok then & came on here to vagueblog abt seething with rage so all night the vibe was off & a few hours later i finally felt like i could bring it up so i was like hey, what you were saying before about the producer really wasn’t cool. & this dude just dug his own grave even deeper w an apology worse than any youtuber the first thing he says is “yeah i realized as soon as i was done talking that i messed up & i could tell you’ve been mad all night” HELLO?? ok then why didn’t you apologize immediately?? & THEN after we’ve been arguing for a bit he says “yknow i don’t even know if he has autism i just used that as a dig at him” & i’m like you used THAT as a DIG while talking to ME??? most brain dead man on earth. & that still isn’t even why we broke up i thought “maybe he’ll learn from this” lmao it took finding out he had been keeping a major secret & lying to me for A YEAR for me to finally cut him loose!! jesus christ i know i was in my depressed and suicidal era back then but why did i put up with any of this shit. anyway! glad to be rid of him
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On the issue of Mortality
AO3 Link
MK chose to be mortal, to be vulnerable, for the time being, and Monkey King is fine with that.
On the surface, at least. Now he has a successor, one that he likes, and he’s vulnerable????
Yeah, he’s never going to sleep easy again.
(Or, 11 chapters through season 1 about Monkey King, and anxiety his successor gives him. Who knew being a dad teacher would be so hard?)
Chapter 1: Picking a successor
(Or “Look, I’m gonna come clean. Um...I’ve been kinda watching you”)
When Sun Wukong—the Monkey King—decides he needs a successor, it isn’t an easy decision. For one, he refuses to admit why. Because that would mean confronting it all and he doesn’t want to.
He needs a successor because he wants one. Who doesn’t want to retire? It’s not like he’s spent hundreds of thousands of years in technical retirement, waiting for the Demon Bull King to return. No, he’s been...super busy. Yeah. Turning Flower Fruit Mountain into a paradise has totally taken him…forever, and, like, he’s got lots of stuff to do. He watches TV, once humans get electricity figured out. Gets a computer too, once those things start popping up. He gets a lawyer or two, yknow, keeping up with the times.
He’s...super busy. He definitely deserves a retirement.
So all that’s left is find a successor. Easy, right?
Well....
He actually starts looking when he hears whispers that the Demon Bull family is starting to get close to figuring out how to lift his staff. So about a hundred years before Demon Bull King actually escapes.
He finds a few kids he thinks might work, but nothing happens, anyway, so there’s no point in interrupting their boring normal lives for nothing. Besides, he doesn’t really see any of them with the spark of...something that he wants in his successor in any of them
He watches them grow. Child to teen to adult, he watches, and then he leaves before they get too old because he doesn’t want to see the headstones.
He doesn’t understand why they have to be human. Why they have to be mortal. Why they have to be able to die.
Why he has to watch them die.
Years and years pass. He gets lax, when looking for a successor. Lax when it comes to keeping an eye on the Demon Bull family.
He does, on occasion, watch the town where his staff is. It’s a pretty populace place, always buzzing with some sort of activity, which is both fun and boring.
One night, he watches a kid—no older than 13, he thinks, since he’s gotten used to watching humans grow and can gauge it pretty well—sprint down the street in the rain, wearing nothing but a ratty old hoodie, a shirt, shorts, torn up shoes, and a headband so dirty that even he can’t discern the original color.
There are three other figures chasing him, and he ducks into an alley as they sprint past. Monkey King watches as the kid settles down, sitting in the alley, and pulling something out from beneath his hoodie.
A puppy.
“Hey there, little guy,” the kid’s voice is soft, and he scritches the tiny pup behind the ears. “Sorry I couldn’t get your siblings, but they’d already been thrown in the lake—” the look on the kid’s face is nothing short of heartbreaking.
Monkey King has plans for the group of thugs he saw earlier, if that’s what they were doing. Humans.
“But hey, managed to save you, huh? I’ll bring you to a shelter in the morning. Someone will take you home and you’ll get loved to death.” Monkey King rolls his eyes at the saccharine display, but he wonders.
There isn’t a lot of crime in this city, with its advancements. What’s a kid doing outside this late at night?
“I’d take you home with me, but mine’s more of a hovel than a place to live. You can still see it, though! C’mon,” the kid gets up, stumbling a little, and Monkey King notices that he’s favoring one leg, that the elbow of one of the sleeve’s of his hoodie is wet.
He follows.
The kid’s house is literally a shack made of a metal sheet wedged between an alley wall. There’s a ‘bench’ that’s a slab of rock placed on top of more rocks, where a well loved sketchbook sits.
The kid sits on the bench, setting the puppy down beside him as he flips open his sketchbook.
“I’m gonna draw you, so I don’t forget, kay?” He pats the pup on the head, and then, using the smallest, most worn down pencil Monkey King has ever seen, he slowly carves out the puppy’s features, getting the soft tones of fur. He keeps squinting, but Monkey King thinks that’s because all he has is the light of the lamppost for his vision.
This kid...is pretty darn good.
Monkey King watches for way longer than he would like to admit, and then watches as the kid pulls out a very worn blanket-substitute, curling around the puppy beneath it.
He frowns, but isn’t sure what to do about it.
So he leaves, and makes sure those thugs learn a thing or two about treating animals with respect.
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This kid just keeps popping up in Monkey King’s peripherals.
He likes to people watch, and the kid will just appear from nowhere. He’ll be running down the street, hanging out with this girl who looks about 3 economic classes above him. They’ll go to the arcade and play for hours, and she’ll pay for practically everything.
He decides he likes her, if she’s nice enough to do that for the kid. Plus, he feels a familiar energy coming off of her, something he trusts.
They typically end their day at a noodle shop. Pigsy’s? The kid always pays there, with coins of various sizes. The girl, when the kid isn’t looking, will slip the cook some more money. They get steaming hot bowls of ramen, harass the cook, and eventually get half chased out, laughing all the while.
“You know you can stay with me, right?” The girl says, one day, when Monkey King is people watching (read: eavesdropping on their conversation. It’s like his new favorite TV show, at this point). Kid rolls his eyes.
“Mei, c’mon, your relationship with your folks is as strained as mine! I wouldn’t want you to end up like me. Besides, I’m fine!” he insists with the grin Monkey King has grown accustomed to seeing on Kid’s face.
The information Monkey King gains from those two sentences is certainly something, and he ponders on Mei, the girl who spends her days as far away from home as possible.
Mei frowns.
“You still won’t show me where you’re staying. Or explain why your clothes are all torn up!” She pokes him in the chest, and the Kid shrugs.
“Cause you wouldn’t like either of those things! I can take care of myself! Promise.” He rocks back and forth on his feet, all smiles.
Mei fixes him with a glare, before she sighs, relenting. “Fine. But, if you won’t take my hospitality, you get my undying loyalty and free stuff!” She whips out a brand new red winter coat.
Kid takes it slowly.
“It’s getting colder out!” She explains. “And red just isn’t my color, you know?”
Kid slowly pulls the jacket against his chest, like he doesn’t know what to do with it, and then he smiles. This one is smaller. Less performative. Monkey King didn’t realize that he’d been watching the kid to be able to tell the difference, but it’s not too hard to see. Kid uses big smiles like a cloak, to hide what’s underneath. The smaller ones-those are like the slivers of sunlight shooting out from an eclipse. Wukong finds he prefers the smaller ones.
Kid wraps his arm around Mei’s shoulders.
“Thanks, Mei.”
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The days get colder, and Kid is still in that shack. Monkey King finds out that Kid doesn’t steal for money. Instead, he does little odd jobs for short change, and then looks for coins people have dropped. Apparently, the city’s wealth has made people more loose with their change.
Mei drags him to warm places as often as she can, but apparently this time of year she has a lot of responsibilities, or “social events,” as she calls them, so she can’t be around as much.
Kid doesn’t seem to mind, shivering through the nights, curling himself as tight as possible with that jacket and shitty blanket, and Monkey King doesn’t know why he even cares, but...
He’s not cruel. It isn’t pleasant to watch a kid suffer.
And then, Kid gets sick. Like, delirious, fever sick, and he’s not getting better.
And Monkey King has told himself, a million times, that he would let Kid figure his own life out, but he ends up picking Kid up anyway, depositing him at the ever familiar noodle shop.
The cook drags the boy inside, and Monkey King doesn’t see Kid on the streets after that.
Good.
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Kid starts working at the noodle shop, apparently, and he lives above the shop. Slowly, he accrues random objects. Sketchbooks, games, figurines, Monkey King comics? He watches the show near religiously, and Monkey King is both flattered and weirded out.
A super fan, huh? Okay then.
And when he isn’t working, or watching “Monkey King: The Animated Series,” or reading Monkey King comics, he’s begging the resident bookworm, Tang, for stories, which he then sketches out.
Monkey King actually goes through the sketchbook once, when Kid’s asleep. Yup, Kid’s really, really good at this. Monkey King actually thinks about stealing a drawing, but that would be both very obvious and also stupid.
So he lets it go. He ought to look for his successor, anyway. He hears the Demon Bull family is getting close.
He leaves Kid to his life and moves on to his own.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He can’t find a successor. Somehow. It’s like every person in this city (and it would have to be in this city, because you need to be close to the staff in some regard if you want to have a connection with it. Being born near it, living near it-makes it easy for the energy, the chi, to find you) doesn’t want anything to do with hero business. The kids he considers are too small, the adults too...boring.
And he’s getting pretty frustrated here, because he thinks he might just have to fight the Demon Bull King all over again, which, ugh.
And then, it clicks.
He’s watching Kid drive around town, delivering orders, and somehow the kid steers towards the construction site. Toward the staff.
Of course.
God, it was literally staring him in the face. He feels kind of dumb, now that it hits him, but whatever. Not like anyone’s around to tease him about it.
He watches Kid waltz towards danger, music in his headphones too loud to notice the literal demon family, until Kid opens his eyes and sees the whole demon army there, and hoo boy, is this comical.
Monkey King wonders if they’ll succeed this time, in lifting his staff. They certainly seem confident. He’s kind of curious, kind of bored. The whole ‘take our rightful place as rulers of this world’ schtick is super annoying, and Red Son’s voice is grating.
The light show is pretty nice, though, and then.
Then.
Demon Bull King’s a lot smaller than he remembers, but his voice is the same, as is his attitude. Monkey King can feel Kid shaking and takes a quick sweep of the area. Seems his successor is right above Red Son.
He smirks to himself, not that anyone can see considering he’s a bird right now.
This is going to be hilarious.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
When Kid touches the staff, Monkey King isn’t prepared for the feeling he gets.
It’s like he’s been the single Sun in an endless galaxy, surrounded by darkness, when suddenly another star appears from nowhere, throwing him into orbit with it. The galaxy shifts, the light doubles, the darkness recedes.
Monkey King’s own center, his sun, feels red hot, warm, and tempered by years of life, with a spark of yellow and white in its center. Kid’s is bright, brilliant golden yellow, more white than any color, bursting with energy.
That energy gets put to work pretty quickly, as the Kid fumbles his way out of the demon’s den, and Monkey King soars after him, watching the escape with a smile.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He doesn’t properly meet Kid until he gets shot all the way to Flower Fruit mountain. After Kid escapes Red Son, he panickedly tells his friends what’s going on and tries to get there on his own.
Well, all the way is a bit much. Maybe Monkey King had to catch Kid and fly him there, because Kid was looking half dead and Monkey King was a little worried, but that’s beside the point. He leaves Kid on the shore, and follows him when Kid gets up.
He isn’t expecting the frustration, when he can’t be found, but he supposes that’s his cue.
Getting stepped on is unpleasant. Guess Kid doesn’t like bugs.
God, the look on Kid’s face, when it hits him that Monkey King’s been watching him! If he could frame a memory, that would be it. Hoo, boy, is that going to be replaying in his head for a while. Kid seems more bewildered than anything else, and the idea of being Monkey King’s successor doesn’t sit well with him.
Which, Monkey King doesn’t get that. Who wouldn’t want to be taught by him?
But maybe he overestimates the kid’s spunk, his confidence, because waving off his worries doesn’t spur him on; rather, it seems to deflate him.
Ugh. Why is being a teacher difficult? It’s not like his teacher had a hard time with him, right?
Distantly, he thinks he can hear his master shouting at him. He hops off his cloud, says just the right thing to get Kid pumped up, and watches him race off.
He considers just sitting back and not watching, but then, that wouldn’t be any fun, would it?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He isn’t actually sure what having a successor means, really. How much their powers, their lives, would mirror his own. A part of him was terrified by the prospect—could he even be known as anything special, if he was no longer one of a kind?
But there’s also something quite exciting about this. The idea that your life is being rewritten, the story unfinished and yet also repeating itself. The Demon Bull King is on the loose, with his army and family, trying to take over the world.
And only one person can stop him. The Monkey King.
Kid’s powers are volatile. He can feel them flare up from time to time, wildly flickering out of control. A lack of self confidence, that might be causing it. A part of him is annoyed by that, a part of him is relieved. Far better to have to teach someone to believe in themselves than teach them humility. He’s pretty sure he hasn’t learned that latter lesson all the way yet.
Kid vanishes into the Demon Bull King’s chest, where the staff lies, and for a moment, the new sun vanishes. Monkey King feels the cold rush of space in its absence, and feels panic, even though he’s only known this warmth for a few hours.
But then, it bursts back into existence, as a familiar stone drops from the Demon Bull King’s chest, cracking open, and, well, it’s history being written the same way over and over again, isn’t it?
Kid has a flair for silliness, childish maneuvers. He likes to have fun, and that’s the best part of the powers they share. To be invincible, to have fun while saving the day.
It’s a repeat, until, well, it isn’t.
The blow Kid takes makes Monkey King wince. The body becoming invulnerable takes time. It doesn’t just immediately show up. Every second, Kid’s body is absorbing and meshing with the powers thrust upon it, but that doesn’t mean getting hit a mile by a guy twenty times your size doesn’t still hurt, at this point.
But Monkey King knows this is what has to happen. Because heroes aren’t heroes if they never feel pain, never get hit.
Heroes, he thinks, as Kid tears himself from the wall he’s embedded in, as Kid stands, eyes ablaze, are heroes when they get hit and they get back up.
And Kid sure as hell does.
“I’m the Monkey Kid!” He shouts, like a battle cry, like a challenge, and Monkey King smirks. Monkey Kid, huh? It suits him. And then, Kid slams the staff on the ground, and the world shifts.
A part of him is kind of jealous. How come he never got a mech?! Has that been a thing this entire time? Another part is in awe of this Kid’s creativity, ability, at such a young age.
And seeing DBK get trounced again certainly keeps the jealous part of him quiet.
Kid’s got a nice group of friends. Reminds him of his journey days, him and a rag tag group of idiots going around wreaking havoc and learning moral lessons at the end of it. He’s glad Kid isn’t alone or on the streets anymore. A strong foundation leads to a stronger ability to grow.
Well, he’d better get some sort of training regimen ready. Or, at least, start thinking of some things to do to train this kid. He’s sure at some point Kid is going to bug him for a lesson or two.
Somehow, the thought doesn’t bother him as much as he thinks it should.
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For Real (Grayson Dolan Fanfic)
A/N: Basically Cameron comes to visit and you’re super excited to meet her but Grayson gets a little jealous very quickly :P Ty for reading ly babies <3
“You guys are such assholes.”
Ethan snorted, and Grayson tilted his phone even higher so only the nose and higher of Cameron’s face was shown on the screen. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh my god.” Cameron smacked Grayson’s arm, and he laughed.
“Okay, okay, jeez.”
You grinned. You were across the twins’ front yard in their driveway, sitting on top of Grayson’s baby blue Porsche. You swung your legs as you watched the three of them bicker over the photo, and you couldn’t help but smile in excitement. You were so giddy to meet Cameron for the first time. Grayson spent so much time talking about how amazing she was, and how, despite how annoying she could be, she was the best sister he could’ve ever asked for. And you had to admit, you wanted to see if he was being serious. You’d always wanted an older sister, and Cameron already seemed so cool just front the scene you were witnessing right now.
After a few minutes, Ethan caught your eye, and you smiled at him. He tapped your boyfriend on the shoulder.
“Hey, Gray. Seems someone’s waiting for you.”
He looked over his shoulder and grinned wide when he saw you. Cameron gave him a look, then followed his eyes to where you were sitting, and her own eyes widened. “Oh my god, is that-“
“Yea yea, you guys go on in. I’ll come in a minute.”
Cameron looked at Gray incredulously. “What? But I wanna meet h-“
“Just go!”
She looked astonished and gave Ethan a look, but he just laughed and grabbed her arm.
“Come on.” He dragged her into the house, despite her angry protests.
After they had gone into the house, Grayson ran up to you, smiling wide.
“I literally have never seen a more attractive group of siblings.” You jumped off the hood of Grayson’s car and reached up to wrap your arms around his neck as he made his way towards you.
“Oh, yea? Jonas brothers.” His arms slithered their way around your waist and he pressed a quick kiss on your lips.
“Hmm, Okay. You got me there.” You leaned into him, stroking the small hairs on the back of his neck. He pressed his forehead against yours, giving you small Eskimo kisses.
“So...” you leaned away from him so you could look at his face. “You never told me Cameron was coming to visit.”
“Yea...” He untangled himself from you and scratched the back of his neck. “Guess it slipped my mind?”
“Uhuh..” You narrowed your eyes at him but decided to not push any further. “So, I’m a finally gonna get to meet her?”
Gray took your hands and held them in his. He stared at you for what seemed longer than usual, then finally spoke.
“I mean..” he cleared his throat. “I don’t know, babe.”
Your eyebrows creased. “What’s that’s supposed to mean?”
“I just...” he rubbed the inside of your palm. “Are you ready to meet her?”
An eyebrow raised, you tilted your head at him. “What do you mean? Of course, I am!”
“Right, right...” he looked up at you quick then looked away, bringing his hands away to put one on his hip and use the other to scratch the back of his head. “It’s just that,” he cleared his throat. “If I start, you know, introducing you to my family and stuff..”
He finally looked back up at your eyes. “It’ll mean that we’re, like, for real.”
You stood there, confused, then crossed your arms. “And you don’t want us to be ‘for real’?”
“No! Of course, I do! Don’t? I do- god, I do want us to be for real. I really really do.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “But... do you?”
Your shoulders relaxed and you smiled at him, bringing your hands up his neck to cup his jaw.
“I thought you’d know that by now.” You pushed yourself up on your tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. “I really do, too.”
He smiled at you. “Obviously. Who wouldn’t want to meet the rest after getting a load of Ethan.”
“Oh no, I’m hoping your sister is nothing like Ethan.” You laughed, then link your arm around his. “Now come on!! I wanna meet her!”
“..and this is Cameron.”
You squealed a little, bopping up and down on your feet. “God, it’s so good to finally meet you!”
Cameron smiled wide at you. “You too! You would not believe how long it’s taken for me to convince Gray to let me meet you.” She came in for a hug, and you gladly accepted it, giving her a squeeze.
“Wow, you’re hair is gorgeous.” You said as you pulled back. “I’ve always wanted that kind of color but I never thought I’d be able to pull it off.”
“You should go for it, you would look amazing.”
You smiled at her, and she laughed. Grayson suddenly tapped you on the shoulder. “I’m still here, you know.”
You rolled your eyes. “Yea yea, you’re always here.” You looked back to Cameron. “You, however. Are not. Do you wanna go out today? Like to the mall or something?”
She grinned. “That sounds great. Let me just go change.”
You nodded, and Cameron left for the guest bedroom. You smiled to yourself again, then turned to look at Grayson, who had a weird expression on his face.
“What’s wrong?” You asked him.
“Nothing...” he bit the bottom of his lip. “I just thought you were coming over to see me.”
“Well, yea, originally. But now Cameron’s here!”
“So?”
You dropped your mouth open, laughing with an astonished expression. “Are you serious?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Yea. What’s the big deal? I know you want to get to know her, but you can just do that here. We can all hang out, watch a movie or something.”
“Gray, this is the first time I’m meeting her, and she’s only gonna be here for so many days. I wanna leave a lasting impression, yknow?”
Grayson sighed, and you rubbed his arm.
“..plus, she’s important to you, and that means she’s important to me, and I want to show her that.”
He looked up at you and finally smiles. “Yeah, Okay. You two have fun.”
You pecked him on the cheek. “We definitely will.”
“I can’t believe that guy is was in an actual Spider-Man costume. In July.” Cameron took her cup of coffee out of the machine and blew on it.
“I know, right? And that spandex was way too tight for my liking.” You were standing next to the kitchen counter.
“What store would even sell him something like that?”
You both laughed, then heard a loud voice coming from down the hallway.
“You Guys back?” Ethan yelled.
“Yea! We just got here!” You turned back to Cameron. “You know, you seemed pretty interested in what that fake Spider-Man was ... packing.” You snickered.
She gaped at you. “Oh my god stop!”
“Don’t even deny it! You were totally-“
The sudden feeling of warmth around your waist startled you so bad you yelped, but you relaxed when you saw two strong arms snaking up your torso. Grayson pressed himself gently into your back, burying his head into your neck. As if looking for comfort. For reassurance that you were still there. “Hey, bub.”
You shivered. “Mmmm. Hey baby.”
“How was shopping?”
You slithered out of his grasp and turned around to look at him, just catching a glimpse of his disappointed face, but it was quickly covered with a smile.
“So fun. You will never believe what Cam and I saw-“
“AND it was too good for us to even mention. You just had to be there.”
You narrowed your eyes at her, and she shrugged, giving you a laugh.
“I’m gonna let you catch up with Mr.snuggles.” She patted the side of Grayson's cheek.
“That’s not my name,” Grayson muttered.
“But come by my room later, I wasn’t joking when I said I need somebody to
rebinge friends with me.”
“Obviously,” you replied. “Just let me dial down Mr.Snuggles’ hormones and I’ll be right there.”
“That’s not my name!”
“Oh, but you want it to be.”
Cameron walked off to her room, leaving a trail of snickers behind her.
You turned to Grayson with a smile. “I think she likes me.”
He sighed. “That’s great, baby.” He slumped back against the counter, rubbing a hand through his hair again as if he was thinking about something incredibly serious.
What could he have to think about?
“Gray? What’s wrong?”
He brushed the hair out of his eyes. “Nothing, princess.”
“What is it?”
He swept it to side. “Baby...”
“Is it work? Is there a problem?”
He brushed it back. “No, definitely not.”
You smack his hand. “God, stop it with your hair!” You brushed it back to normal. You let your hand fall down to his cheek, and he pressed your hand into it.
“Babe, you’re acting so weird. What’s going on?”
Silence.
“Gray you’re acting like you’re dying or something.” Your eyes widened. “Oh my gosh, are you?!”
“No!” He let’s go of your hand to grab your shoulders. “No, no, definitely not. That ju- No!”
“Then what on earth is it?”
He sighed. “Okay.. promise me you won’t laugh.”
You raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“Promise me you won’t laugh.”
“Okay, I won’t laugh.”
“Promise!”
“I’m a very giggly person! I can’t make promises for things I can’t keep!”
He groans. “Oh my god. I can’t handle you.”
“Yes, but you love me.”
He rolls his eyes.
“Okay tell me!!”
“Okay Okay. It’s just that I, uh..” he clears his through. “I just, feel like, I don’t know. I feel like Cameron’s.. stealing you from me.” He mumbled the last part.
You blink. “Come again?”
“Y/N...” he groans again.
“No no, I just didn’t hear you correctly.” You have to bite your lip to keep yourself from snickering.
“Oh come on! You said you wouldn’t laugh!”
You snort, then double over laughing. “Promises were not made!”
“Oh my god. Forget it. I’m going to bed.” He began to walk off but you grabbed his shirt sleeve.
“No no, please I’m sorry.” You giggled again. “I’m not laughing.”
You let go of him and he crossed his arms.
“Ok, what on Earth are you talking about?”
He coughed. “You know.”
You narrowed your eyes. “No, I seriously don’t.”
“Okay, it’s like... it’s hard to explain, Y/N. Having crushes on girls has always been weird for me because I had a twin. I’d never really get to spend time alone with anybody I like because Ethan was always around. But then I found you, and I just loved you too much to let that get in the way. And you never let it either.”
“It’s not like you guys are the same person, gray.”
“I know I know, but a lot of people treated us like we were. Back in grade school n stuff...”
“But that was ages ago.”
“Yea, But it still sticks with you. You spend a lot of time with E, but that kinda comes with having me. So when Cameron came, I was worried that you’d start spending more time with her, and you’d... drift away from me.”
“Oh, baby...”
You wrapped your arms around him and laid your head against his chest. After a few moments, he finally embraced you as well.
“I know it’s stupid...”
“Grayson.” You pulled back. “It is incredibly stupid.”
“Wow, well okay-“
“Stupid because you think that Cameron is enough to pull me away from you.”
He looked at you, his mouth shaped in a round ‘O’ shape.
You smiled. “You really think that I’m going to let you go that easily?”
“No...”
“Then what are you worried about?”
He relaxed his arms and kissed you on the forehead.
“Nothing. Because we’re for real.”
#who's got two thumbs and is the best at cringey endings#me!!!#grayson dolan#grayson dolan fanfiction#grayson dolan fanfic#grayson dolan fanfics#grayson dolan x reader#grayson dolan imagine#grayson dolan imagines#grayson#grayson and ethan#ethan and grayson#grayson dolan fluff#dolan twins#dolan twins imagine#dolan twins imagines#dolan twins fanfic#dolan twins fanfics#dolan twins fanfiction#dolan fanfics#dolan fanfic#dolan fanfiction#writers#writers on tumblr#fanfic#fanfics#fanfic writers#fanfiction
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how bout ashes jonny and tim for 8? (it's totally fine if you don't answer this because the mechanisms were not one of the 3 things you mentioned!)
OH I TOTALLY SHOULDA MENTIONED MECHS IN THE TAGS i KNEW i was forgetting something
8. share a car with, share a bank account with, share a cake with
bbbbbbbbbank account with ashes, i think. i do not trust the other two with my finances in any fashion, like, i still wouldnt trust ashes with that either, but out of the three they’d be..the most financially responsible i think, not that it’s a high bar. and unlike cars, you can’t arson a bank account. probably. also they’ve got all these gold bars lying around
car with..tim. i do NOT trust jonny goddamn dville behind the wheel of Any Vehicle, especially not a Vehicle With Me In It. like, i don’t trust tim with that much more than i trust jonny, but my options are limited. also i think he’d be fun to hang out with driving to and from places if i did not end up murderered.
share a cake with jonny, simply because out of these three, the cake has the least amount of possible havoc. like, i’d probably end up dead no matter which option i chose for him, but. yknow
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OOOH! Okay I'll be more specific :D I mainly struggle with my writing style and how I want to describe things- I usually make my fics up as I go b/c I usually hesitate to write an outline b/c i usually don't get a solid idea how I want it to go i guess?? how do you usually plan out your rodorah fics too btw?
And here's the second half of the question!!
I shared my outlining process for longfics, but for short fics I usually don't outline either. What I do do is decide what one specific thing I want my fic to do, and then I write toward that. In this one my goal was “split off from canon exactly one second before Ghidorah commits the act that sets him on the path that dooms him—killing Mothra—and do it in a way that allows Rodorah to happen.” In this one my goal was “holy shit i decided my two main characters don’t speak the same language, how the fuck am i going to get them to actually communicate with each other?” In this one my goal was “uhhhhhhhhhhh get ghidorah to not leave earth,” with a side of “remember that basically all kaiju conflicts are resolved by physical altercations rather than arguments so have them actually fight from time to time!” and a dessert of “Rodan deserves to win some fights, I want to write him winning some fights.”
In the fic after next—the one I’ve already written but not posted yet—my goal was first “when Rodan visited Mothra I had a hard time explaining in his & Ghidorah’s combined twelve vocabulary words where he was going, I need a quicker/easier way to have Rodan explain to Ghidorah where he’s going when he makes a day trip away from Isla de Mara” and then it was “Rodan should make a map. A globe. Rodan’s gonna make a globe. out of lava.” and then it was “it’d be a great way to show Ghidorah’s psychology and the way he looks down on species he doesn’t perceive as ‘machine maker’ species—including looking down on his own species—for him to be like ‘oh that’s cute Rodan’s making a ball’ and then be like ‘holy shit holy fuck he made an accurate world globe that’s amazing i am not smart enough to be hanging out with this guy.’” And by that point, I had a whole-ass fic, because it has the process of Rodan making this object and cutting back and forth with Ghidorah’s perspective as he first wildly underrates Rodan’s project and then wildly overrates Rodan’s project. And all that started because I was annoyed a dozen fics ago over trying to write Rodan explaining his travel plans.
But aside from those goals—goals which, sometimes, are very small—I often don’t start a fic knowing where I’m gonna go with it or everything precisely that’s going to happen.
And so the other things that guide my fics as I’m writing them—to ensure I don’t accidentally spin myself off sideways into a plot where the Mexican Navy declares war on Ghidorah and we totally forget about Rodan or a plot where aliens invade the Earth and then I don’t know how to continue and stop writing—is a handful of long-term goals. I’m not going to list all of them, because some of them would be big spoilers for eventual plot points, but among them are obvious things like “eventually Rodan is going to fully return Ghidorah’s feelings,” and “SOMEDAY Rodan’s gotta find out that Ghidorah was trying to destroy the planet,” and “I’d like Ghidorah to casually visit another planet to get Rodan presents, while Monarch flips its shit because this dude just brought back rocks from Venus and it only took him a couple of weeks”—things like that.
So as I’m writing, even if I’ve got no idea how or why I’m going to write those things, they’re in the back of my head. I know to not, like, have Ghidorah do things that Rodan absolutely can’t stand, because that’ll get in the way of Rodan falling for him—instead I should fic by fic be giving Rodan more things to like about Ghidorah. And then when I see a small opportunity for Ghidorah to do something little that would impress Rodan, I take it.
I don’t know when the hell Rodan’s gonna find out Ghidorah was trying to destroy the planet, and I’ve got a half dozen fuzzy ideas for what the consequences of that event could be but haven’t settled on one yet—but even though I don’t know when I’m gonna do it, I’m always very conscious of the fact that Rodan doesn’t know yet, and I’m especially conscious of that during his interactions with Mothra—because like I don’t want the conversation to get tilted in a direction where she’ll end up just casually mentioning it to him, because that’s NOT a casual discovery, that’s a revelation that deserves to be the climax of a scene because it’s got the potential to shake up or even destroy Rodan & Ghidorah’s relationship depending on how they navigate things after that.
I don’t know when Ghidorah’s going to visit another planet yet, but I know that for that to make sense, he’s got to be in a position where he feels like getting Rodan gifts—which means a) he’s got to find out that earthlings are into giving each other physical items as markers of affection/courtship, and b) he’s got to develop to a position where he feels more free to express his affections toward Rodan in ways other than quick headbutts or cuddles he immediately gets embarrassed about, and c) he’s got to feel secure enough in his relationship with Rodan that he won’t think it’ll crash down if he leaves for a couple weeks, and d) San’s got to feel securely anchored enough to his new home on Earth that he won’t be afraid that making a short space trip will drive the other two heads to go “actually, yknow what, now that we’re already out here, screw Earth, let’s move on to the next solar system and never come back,” and e) Ni’s got to be on board enough with this relationship that he won’t grumble and grouse about making a big damn elaborate trip just to grab some trinkets for their bird. Those are a bunch of tinier goals that I can work into fics one by one.
One of my goals is for Gigan to show up on Earth eventually, ya know, for the drama of it all. I don’t know when or how, but it means when I wrote the one fic I’ve written from his perspective, I knew to set it up so that it would make logical sense from that fic when he eventually pops up on Earth.
So that’s a way to write fics, especially short fics, and especially a series of short fics, without an outline. Think of it like a connect-the-dots picture. You might have one or two vague or distant goals—say, "I want these two characters to get married eventually”—and that’s one dot in the distance you’re trying to reach, and so you’re vaguely thinking about how to reach that dot and you go, “well, it’ll be hard for them to get married because they’re in enemy factions,” and now you’ve got a new dot to stick a little closer than the distant one, “one character switches sides,” and now you’re like “but why would that character switch sides?” and now you’ve got a dot a little closer that’s like “this character decides they hate their current faction,” and that scene might be ten fics away, but right now you’re writing fic #1 and decide while writing this character have an argument with their commanding officer that the officer should slap them, and that plants the first seed for their decision to switch sides. How do you get from the slap to switching sides? You don’t know! But now you’re sorta pointed in that direction. And maybe when you’ve written enough fics and added enough dots and connected a few lines, when you get to the “this character hates their current faction” dot you realize that they’re in a position where they can run into the woods between the two enemy factions in order to cry for a while and they could run into the character you want them to marry and hey, now they can have a heart-to-heart, and this pushes them further in the direction you want—you didn’t plan it originally, but because you’ve got that Get Married goal in the distance, you know vaguely which direction to steer even if you aren’t sure which roads you’re gonna take.
It helps to have a “solid idea” of what you want to happen in a story, but tbh you don’t need a whole fleshed-out solid plotline. You only need one goal, and then you aim toward it.
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OK YALL BUCKLE UP ITS TIME TO TRANSCRIBE A DREAM ABOUT CLINT BARTON
so sometimes my brain decides to treat me to dreams in the form of a lifetime movie, in which I’m a character (not an actor? the character in the dream? I’m that character, but they’re NOT me?) and we play out the whole movie like I’m watching it but also IN it. idk. My dreams are all ecstatically strange anyway, who knows.
So last night ya girl was part of a high school crowd going off for a weekend, like, camping (?) with a bunch of people and we were gonna have a bonfire and fuck around in some abandoned buildings (?) and just have a rowdy fun summer weekend. And the character I was knew that some of these spooky abandoned belonged to the Barton family, and what do you know, there’s that Clint Barton kid hanging around, yknow, the one that dropped out of high school but yeah we always thought he was kinda cute and we were always friendly with each other and, hey, let’s invite the Barton kid along for the weekend and see if there’s anything cool in these old Barton buildings, right?
and of course as these lifetime movies go, this character and Clint Barton have been like, crushing on each other, and of course the Barton kid is super cool and spends the weekend with the crowd and the Barton buildings are acceptably spooky, and of course this me character and Clint totally get together and end up hooking up and absolutely in adorable high school sweethearts love.
At this point I need to mention that dream Clint Barton was an absolutely fabulous kisser, just let me tell you. Lots of delicious kissing. There was also a brief point where my brain switched to a scene where this character was on their knees giving Clint a blowjob and he was fucking their face (but unfortunately I was *watching* that part like a movie rather than getting to experience dream Clint fucking my throat what) and the dream implied that they were fuckin’ but did a fade to black I am so mad at my subconscious.
Then the movie (I told you it was a movie!) moves forward to the future, where this character’s grown up and on some kind of vacation / cruise ship (???). They have three kids - one’s theirs, two are a brother or sister’s who has passed away. They’re on this trip with their parents to just kind of get a break from their sad busy life. Unmarried. The kids are cute and you get the feeling that they’re satisfied but not happy, right?
And of course they run into adult Clint Barton!
The dream pulls a flashback, right, to the two of them being utterly happy and in true mcfuckin love in HS, but then Clint starts getting stressed because he’s trying to make money doing (? Auto repair? I forget) to buy back the Barton buildings and the character’s under social pressure like “but where are you going to go with the Barton boy, he didn’t even finish high school” and they have an incredibly sad split.
So Clint Barton and I recognize each other at once and we’re having this awkward reunion and my character gives the kids to their parents and we go to have an awkward catch up session. It turns out Clint is passing through to meet up w another cruise ship (?) to propose to his soon to be fiancé. So we’re catching up and we drift back to high school and we both apologize for how things turned out and we’re kind of doing the awkward there are still feelings there dance. He asks about the kids, I explain that two are my brother’s and one’s mine and the other parent didn’t work out. My character says some dramatic line like, “I’d rather be alone than unsure.” And blah blah we keep talking.
So my character says what now? And Clint says, I’m gonna kiss you once for old times sake, and then we’re both gonna move on with our lives.
Except that it’s incredibly amazing kissing, right, more passion in it than anything has ever had, and we end up going back to Clint’s cabin to make sweet passionate fuckin’ love.
Then of course the next day my character has to go back to the kids and Clint has to go meet his soon to be fiancée and we’re both torn by it but trying to be strong so we kiss each other goodbye in private and separate.
My character goes off back to their family and just breaks down in tears. The rest of the day is just me crying and the kids don’t understand and my parents are like... I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing I guess.
Then we’re like playing on the beach or something and I look up and there’s Clint Fuckin Barton just standing there and staring and I’m like what are you doing and he’s like I told my ex fiancée that I’d rather be alone than unsure and I had to come back to you.
And that’s how my brain literally cast me in a lifetime movie with Clint Barton wow I’m embarrassed to post this
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schizo awareness month prompts 2019 #4
List of prompts is here, my last post is here.
Back with another 5, below the read more. (Yes, I’m doing them all at once, because otherwise I’ll forget completely or not have the energy to do them if I do remember, sorry!)
16. Do you take anti psychotics/go to therapy? Why/why not?
Yes to both. I take 100mg of Paliperidone/Invega every month in injectable form. And yes, I go to therapy when I can.
I take meds because my symptoms were totally unmanagable without them, and even though I hate taking meds, I recognise that they are doing good for me. (Though I hate the side effects with all my little gay heart.)
I’m real bad at actually going to therapy because something always seems to stop me, whether it’s a bad day, exhaustion, missing my bus, etc. And also, I don’t really like my psychologist, and it feels useless, but I’d feel worse if I didn’t go because I’d always wonder what I was missing out on.
17. Community and interactions with other schizophrenics
Besides occasional messages on tumblr or asks to big psychosis blogs on here, my main interactions with other psychotic people is through a discord group chat that I’m in. I’ve been a little distant in it lately, because I really only have the energy to be in one group chat at a time and I’ve been in a LGBT writing one, but it was one of the first places where I felt safe to talk to other psychotic ppl so I don’t want to leave it.
If I switch to another anti-psychotic, like my doctor is discussing, then it would mean I have to hang around the clinic for 2 hours so if I did that, I’m sure I’d meet other psychotic ppl irl who also have to do the same.
18. Schizophrenia and abuse/free space
I have nothing to say on this matter besides acknowledging that it is a problem that needs to be solved.
19. Schizophrenia and relationships/friendships
I don’t really have many irl friends at the moment, and a large part of me wonders if this is because of my schizophrenia. Because I know that it’s a lot to handle.
My previous two girlfriends haven’t really understood it, or how to deal with it, (which I don’t blame them for), so I can’t speak much on in relationships, but yknow. It sucks for them, which I recognise. But it sucks for us more, which I think should be recognised more. There’s all this stuff on how to ‘deal with’ people with schizophrenia and psychosis, yet not much on how to cope with it ourselves.
20. How people react to knowing you have schizophrenia/how to react?
I actually only got unofficially diagnosed with schizophrenia today, so up until now I’ve just said ‘psychosis’ which I think people have seen as a lot less severe than schizophrenia?
But for the most part, because I say it with at least one person I trust there to mediate if something goes wrong, and I’m in very supportive circles, I’ve had positive responses, and lots of questions (which I’m usually happy to answer)
Thanks for reading!
#lms#psychotictalk#schizophrenia#pseriouslypsychotic#seriouslyschizophrenic#schizophrenia awareness month#schizo awareness month#schizospeaking#notathreat#meds ment -#injections ment -
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Part 4: Junkie
*insert story and whole memory montage of joni and jesse's life* (I'm writing it now, but to make it complete I would have to write a lot more so i'll slowly add in some shit about it to maybe inspire the mood)
For now,
HOLY SHIT, where was I? Christian? I need a cigarette, what's wrong with my body? Who am I? "Hello Gray" A ghostly smile was plastered on Christian's pale face. "Gray.....yes I'm...Gray? What did you just do to me? Where's Jesse?" "I gave you Joni's memories and of course to see a memory the way it really was perceived, you had to had to have lived it. You just lived Joni's entire life. And in tandum, her mind is melded with her brother's so you just indeed lived Jesse's life to. They're minds melded when they were about 14 so you saw them at the same time then. However once you 'became' Jesse as well you saw all his memories too. Quite the anamoly indeed." I couldn't think straight...or I could. I felt invaded, however I had let this parasite in. No..not parasite, but my mind did not only feel like mine. I felt like 3 people. "You're fucked up, i gotta go..." I knocked the chair over getting up and bee lined to the door. "Oh, but you'll be back" he warned with a sordid grin. Nothing around me looked new, but it's as if I had 3 perspectives of it, but they weren't separate. I was all of us. I was we. But I was only myself still. I understood Joni now and I wish I didn't. What was I thinking? I paced around looking at everyone with shifty eyes and desperately needing an escape? I'd never felt so trapped, but yet apathetic, but not -errr i don't know what i think. They think that. She thinks that. I think....jesus christ. What the fuck is wrong with me, i need something....I
"Oh there you are Gray, please come join us. Lana's observations have led us to discuss, why Jenn has a special hatred for our dear Yuna here." I stared at him too long and forced myselves through the motions of sitting down. "I don't believe Jenn hates me, she's much too kind for that. I know when people are in love they want to protect it and the rejection of feeling your love might be not completely genuine hurts very deeply. I don't want to make her feel that way" "Indeed so Yuna, however I think you just proved my argument right. Jenn wishes you were a bitch so she could hate you, but you make it rather impossible." Marcus grinned at her, was he flirting? I've never noticed flirting from a girl's perspective before. It made me uncomfortable. "Yeah, but you never answered why she wants to hate Yuna, I just don't get it!" lana said confused even though she had more information than anymore. "Shall you be the tie breaker Gray?" 6 sets of eyes all gazed over at him with anticipation. "Uhh...what am I voting on?" "We tryna figure out if that Jenn girl is a THOT or not!" Buddy clapped his big hands together, silently laughing at his own opinion. "Yeah me, Marcus, and obv Yuna don't think she is a bad person just.....yknow confused, but, Buddy, Rikku, and Jesse think she's a cunt... I mean bad person. yeah." I stared at Jesse and wanted to agree with him. At first glance it felt as if I was looking at a reflection. I also wanted to forgive woman? What? I guess I like Jenn....but is she a bitch? I can't stop thinking of calling her my chicka....what the fuck? What do I think. I thought I was confused before. Why do they care what I think of all times? "Oh my god! I told you that he had a crush on Jenn! See Yunie! they should totally date, he LIKES her" The room instantly grew quiet as loud stomps dominated the room. "Who the fuck has a crush on Jenn?" He scanned the room with murderous eyes. He stared at Marcus suspiciously longer than anyone, but landed on Gray. "Uhh hey man you got that hit you owe me...you....fucker?" Why was I saying the insult like a question. I have no idea how I talk. "You best stay the fuck away from her if you don't want me to kill your unborn children" That hit my chest heart, it hurt so deeply, yet I knew he had made that joke every day this week and it just meant kicking me in the nuts. The crotch. I had never once felt ashamed of having a penis, not once in my life, until now. But i didn't think that. She did. OR he. I was was having a very hard time finding deciding what 'I' thought. "Not if I do it first!" I yelled out impulsively. Is that what Jesse would say? That's so lame. Laughter burst out throught the room. I felt even more shame and wanted to say another self depricating joke just to get through it. I also wanted a drink reaaaaaally bad. Aiden looked even more suspicious at me. "Fuck you guys I got better shit to do" and with that I scurried away. As days went by I knew I was Gray again. I couldn't tell Joni what I did and she seemed none the wiser of my quiet acceptance of her. Jesse seemed more suspicious, but I knew now that his jokes most of the time were desperate paranoia to be in touch. I thought he was just a joker, but the new found knowledge I had made that simplification of him impossible. Like the lonely intimacy junkie I was I couldn't help it, but to want to see more lives now. Once again I was in the same position in Christians room, this time I sat across from him knee to knee with my palms up. He suggested since he had seen everyone's life that I should start with Yuna. How it felt to have to send Tidus for the 'greater good'. It seemed nice to think about it in a positive way and I was right. When I came back from Yuna's memories I had known pain, loss, and sorrow, but no matter what I had enjoyed everyone moment of life. She truly cherished every experience and every chance she had to be alive. She looked back on all her memories fondly because she got to live them. I was fine feeling the glow of Yuna's mind, but as with any high it wore off and I wanted more. Our sessions became more or less weekly as I let him shape me around the perspective of the comrades around me. Things got darker with Zack, but the integrity I felt and pride in my position made it all worth it. SOLDIER was my (his) life, yet it betrayed, used, and lied to him. It didn't matter what the organization had become SOLDIER was a code he took and vowed to keep to the end. To protect and serve mankind. To be a hero. I felt similarities in Rinoa's fighting spirit and the belief I had in myself with all her decisions. She really did like herself. She would think she was wrong for almost a split second and quickly decide she was right. It wasn't even her fault she had that big of an ego, she was taught to, yet despite it she rebelled for what she thought was right. Roxas proved to be more lonely, the loss of identity and the questioning of your own reality. With is, I saw Sora's too. The metaness of seeing memories through memories was not lost on me and added to a long state of confusion, when I became Gray again. The adventures of Zidane's rogue lifestyle, let me explore the world, feel things deeply, enjoy any piece of life you had, yet have the heart to mourn for important things and fight for truth. I now knew the appeal of cocaine for a performer. Marcus for the entirety of his life was utterly and completely pleased with himself. He hardly ever felt lonely, scared, or unsure, not in any existential way. The guy didn't even mind being dope sick, he reveled in the extremes of being in a human. He truly did believe Aiden was the most fascinating person he had ever met. He died almost as an inside joke to himself. Christian and I exchanged out quick goodbyes and spoke briefly of perhaps the next person he will show me. I left in a good mood. I safely made it out the door...or so I thought. Aiden burst out from down the hall and grabbed my arm and leaned in close to my face. He stared into my eyes long and hard in a way that made me feel terribly vulnerable. "So you went and saw Christian today?" "What do you mean? I mean yeah...I was looking for you man, back off what the fuck do you care?" "I think your a fucking idiot, but your life" "You hang out with him all the time so who are you to talk?" "yeah but what I do with bitch boy is a whole fucking other game to what you're trying to get off on. Dont' you see?! He'll give you sum chumps memories, all fun and games, but then he'll get bored. And by then you're probably hooked so he can stick his greasy fingers in you head and do whatever he wants. I'm sure he gave you Yuna's huh? How was being the happiest person ever? Or Aang? I bet that zen buddhist shit was real comforable. but just wait and then he'll give you something shitty ones like Tidus's. Ever thought about what a schitzophernic's brain looks like? Well i'll tell you what, it looks the same. From his point of view his life looked just as normal's as any fucker as boring as Jerry's" "Jerry?" "The dude my mom fucked. Oh you'll find out soon the way you're going. But you know what? When you get to be Gray again and know that you just lived the life of a crazy dude and no one believed you even though he or YOU knew you weren't crazy. Well jokes on you, turns out you were. You'll never forget understanding that fucker. Or maybe Gaara might be a blast. 12 years of complete anguish and loneliness, the pain, the need...the need....." He closed his eyes and started rocking back and forth, grabbing at his hair and scratching his temples. He was starting to sound pretty nuts, which didn't bother me usually, but this time I was terrified. Terrified, because for the first time since i've known the guy his paranoid, weirdo, bullshit that I always wrote off as crazy, was now starting to make sense to me. "I dont' give a fuck if you fuck up your life holding hands with faggot boy, but I won't have you get in the way of mine. You think Christian's a saint? A fucking weird, but thoughtful guy that helps you understand your friends and gets Aiden get his memories he forgot back?" The more he started saying his own name like it was a strangers, the tenseness in the atmosphere grew. I wanted him to stop talking, I didn't want him to do anything to risk what I wanted to keep doing, but if he disillusioned me how could I continue? " Yeah fucking right. Sure he'll give him back his memories (the him being Aiden himself), but not after he jumbles a bunch of random people's realites in there with them and have me guess which ones are mine. But I don't have to guess, I know the ones that are mine. Because they are the worst thing some one could ever do. If any of those good memories were mine, I wouldn't have forgotten them." Maybe Joni was wrong, if he goes through that every day he must be trying to make things right. Forgetting might be easier, but he takes the bad to have the good. "But if I see everyone's memories. I did everything. Meaning I did nothing. I don't know what bad things I did, so how's any of it my fault. Anyone's memory looks the same as mine. Aiden's memories are his fault. I didn't do them. All i know is what I know. Nothing. Everything. I'm no one but who I want to be. I just want one thing. But i can't have that one memory, I need all of them or else I am what I did. And I won't be him. I won't." Holy shit Joni was right, he's totally checked out. Pretending he isn't his own reality. I pondered about how delusional Jenn was about him. Was that her naturally or did Christian doctor her mind for the benefit of his friend. She's alive right so it doesn't matter he killed her? That's insane. It's all fucked up. I never wanted to think about these things in so much detail. "I got it dude, i'm done" He smiled for a second than decided to take the more stoic route and with dead eyes mutterred, "It will never be done" With that he pulled his jacket tight to his body as if giving himself a hug and stormed off.
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Two Bros Chilling On The Roof
“You know what my favorite thing about this is?”
“Oh no. Do I want to know?”
“It’s totally your face man, you should see how scared you look.”
Michael tried to hold back laughter, but Jeremy was clinging to him arm, trying to look anywhere but down. Michael had decided to celebrate finishing junior year by drinking Dr. Pepper on the roof while his parents were gone. He offered Jeremy to come with, but Jeremy refused so quickly he just had to tease the guy. Of course when that happened Jeremy decided he had to prove himself and came anyway. That lead up to where they are now, relaxing up on the roof, Jeremy clinging to the other. It would have been really nice if it wasn’t for the skinny boys fear, the sun was setting, the air was warm and clean, and they had a perfect view of the town. When Michael laughed Jeremy made a undignified noise, holding tighter onto his arm and digging nails into the fabric.
“Stopstopstop you’re making the roof shake!” He didn’t even know his voice could get so high
“Dude if you’re so scared you don’t have to be up here!” Michael wrapped an arm around him protectively, showing off his teeth through a wide smile.
Jeremy turned to him, suddenly determined, “No way I’m staying right up here” then he took deep breath, “but can we get farther from the edge?”
“Of course Jerry Bo Berry” Michael fluffed his hair, ignoring the protests. He held Jeremy by the waist and guided him towards the center of the roof.
“Ok I’m gonna let go-”
“Michael Mell don’t you dare.”
“-and grab the cooler. You gotta trust me man!”
“…fine”
Michael reached over to the window they climbed out of as Jeremy clinged to the chimney. He took a deep breath, looking up at the orange tinted sky, the clouds a dark blue as the sun set. Michael ducked under the roof, pulling the cooler up with him. Jeremy set his eyes down over the town, watching all the cars and bicyclists riding around. For a moment he wondered if anyone would see him and judge, but really it didn’t matter. With Michael he could easily turn those embarrassing moments into a fun memory. Michael grunted as he gave a final big tug to the cooler, stumbling backwards from the weight and force. He toppled and leaned excessively, Jeremy screeched and grabbed Michael’s hand to steady him.
“Ha thanks man.”
“Dude be more careful!”
“Yeah but hey at least you’re not stuck to something right now.”
Jeremy’s eyes widened at the realization, he was simply standing there on bend.
“Oh no, no Jer don’t you dare panic-”
“Hhhhaaaaughhhh”
“Ok I don’t know what that was but-” Michael placed the cooler against the fire place and sat next to Jeremy, he opened it up and handed the sweaty boy a soda “just relax, ok? I won’t let you fall.”
Jeremy took a deep breath, grabbing the can and eyeing it strangely, “…you promise?”
“Dude hell yeah!” Jeremy sat next to him, “I’d sooner push myself off then let you fall!”
“Jesus Michael I’d rather you not, but thanks.”
“You can thank me by cracking open a cold one” Michael smirked and his can snapped open with a satisfying hiss.
“With the boys?” Jeremy followed suit, pulling his can open.
“With the boys!” Both of them held their cans up to the sky, the orange now a deep purple as the sun became a half circle to the horizon.
It was times like this that they were almost able to forget all the stress of the SQUIP incident. It had been a rough recovery, Michael and Jeremy had been working on mending the trust between them again. Jeremy was pretty much traumatized from the whole ordeal, he constantly saw and thought and heard and felt the SQUIP. He always feared it’d come back, but to be fair so did Michael. Jer might not know it but there was a single bottle of Mountain Dew red at the bottom of the cooler in case the SQUIP tried to push Michael off, or throw Jeremy off.
Michael was also generally in trouble emotion wise. He feared being abandoned again. He knew it was unhealthy and unfair to Jeremy but god he was just so afraid of what could happen. When Jeremy started dating Christine it was pretty bad, with every date he feared their friendship would be pushed behind. He’d only be second priority.
But nights like this? Sitting side by sit on the roof as the moon rose over the navy sky? It made both of them forget all that garbage. They made stupid jokes making fun of each other, talked about the newest game, slipped into holding hands, discussed new plans. It was the real meaning of peace. It was almost comforting to how they could both feel the other being nervous. Both hands were warm and sweaty, both flustered by holding their crushes hand.
“So uh…we really are a thing now, huh?” Jeremy said, now laying on the slant of the roof.
“Yeah. Seems so.”
“Aren’t we supposed to do, yknow, couple stuff.” Both of them ignored the pile of cans slipping off the roof, they simply rolled over to face each other.
Michael shrugged, “eh…probably”
“Hey what’s with the probably, I’m trying my best here you know!”
Michael laughed, “yeah…it’s pretty cute.”
“Why must you hate me.”
“Now who said I hated you.”
Jeremy stuck out his tongue and looked up at the stars. “I don’t know…little bird?”
“Hmm well-” Michael leaned forward and gave Jeremy a kiss on the lips. The other boy kissed back almost instantly. He wasn’t as awkward as Michael, almost like he had experience but Jeremy would have told him about that. Michael pulled away with a completely love struck look, his face red and his cheeks pushed up by his smile.
“Hmmm…” Jeremy hummed, a similar expression on his face, “so maybe that bird lied.”
“Haha maybe?”
“Maybe…maybe I need more evidence.”
“Oh come here you dumbass.”
The cooler ended up empty besides one single bottle of Mountain Dew red. Jeremy was laying on Michael’s chest after the two shared gentle kisses, never fully making out. They were relaxing now. They could do that another day. Michael’s glasses were barely hanging on his face, his face at peace with the world. His hand rubbed up and down Jeremy’s back, who settled further into his chest.
“You know…the SQUIP told me that most of these stars are actually just satellites”
“Hmm..really? That kinda sucks.” He pointed up, “even that one?”
“Yeah. Even that one.”
“What about that one?”
“That’s the moon, Michale”
“You’re the moon! The moon could be a satellite too man! You never know how the governments faking us out. What if it’s like a giant Death Star and we’re all just waiting to get obliterated without actually knowing!”
“I think that’s stupid.”
“It’s ok, not everyone recognizes genius…so anything else he told you about the stars?”
“Yeah..that constellation right there is Orion” They faded off into a gentle conversation, mostly Jeremy pointed out constellations and their stories while Michael made stupid comments.
But more importantly, it was the first time they mentioned the SQUIP without feeling dread or panic.
–
When Jeremy woke up to the uncomfortable feeling of sun against his eyelids he groaned. He really had to fix those damn blinds before he lost his mind. He pried his eyes open after a long battle of rubbing his fists against them, and yawned against the pillow he laid on.
Only to snap up in fear when he noticed that his ceiling was not there but that was in fact the sky. Jeremy had to keep his mouth from screaming as he looked around, Michael starting to stir at all the movement.“
"Oh shit I’m on the roof! Holy shit!!”
Michael sat up and groaned, eyes still closed. Holy shit he slept on Michale. “Dude what is your damage?”
“Holy shit we’re on the roof!!”
“What is your-”
“WE’RE ON THE ROOF”
“… OH MY GOD WE SLEPT ON THE ROOF”
Michael was now up on his feet, looking around for his mothers car and sighing in relief when he saw the drive way empty.
“Dude dude dude it’s fuckING 10 o clock!” Jeremy yelled.
“Ok. Ok calm down Jer-”
“We gotta clean up before you mom gets home!!”
“Jesus we slept on the roof”
The two of them scrambled to bring the cooler inside and pick up all the cans before his mom got home in an hour.
“Shit dude I wasn’t supposed to have any friends over.”
“Ugggh I know I know!”
There was the heart stopping sound of a car pulling into the drive way. Both Michael and Jeremy stared at each other in frozen fear, having a silent conversation with each other. Level 9? No no, level 10, solo route. They both nodded, Michael tugged Jeremy by the collar and gave him a kiss, before running to greet his mom.
He slid against the door frame, “hey Mami! Need any uh help? With stuff?”
“Ay no mijo I just want to relax, I’m so tired after that whole-” there was a loud crash from the kitchen.
“What was that?”
“NOTHING! I mean uh nothing! Nothing at all, you should go lay down I’ll make you food!”
His mom gave him an unsatisfied look, before heading for the kitchen. Luckily for Michael that noise was Jeremy jumping out the window and landing face first before dashing away, so the only mess was an open window.
She shut the window, then turned to Michael, who gulped in fear.
“You know it’s a bad idea to leave the window open mijo, the bugs are everywhere in the summer.”
“A-ah yes Mami…my bad.”
She started to make her way upstairs, Michael took out his phone to share the good news with his boyfriend, doing a little dance.
“Oh and Michael?”
“Yeah?”
“Didn’t I say no friends over?”
Shit.
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8/9/19 1:15am Super Update 2/?
Yknow I really thought hard about naming this one “there’s something about mary.” it would’ve been delightfully tacky, right? Maybe not.
Nah.
Anyway, first let’s start off with tempering some of that unabashed dicksucking I just did. I still feel overweight. I don’t feel Fat per se, I’m gaining a little bit more confidence in myself (especially now that I’m hooking up with girls again), but I don’t really feel as attractive as I was a year and a half ago. I’m much Happier, don’t get me wrong, but it is a simple truth that I’m not quite as sexy as I was then. Baby steps, we’ll get there.
Anyway.
So here’s where we’re at then. Super skinny me, doing karaoke every week, I think I’m still blonde, Mary asks ME out, we start fucking. She’s delightfully kinky, and the way her pussy would writhe as she came and squirted on me every time is something I’ll never forget, for sure. Like it would do this squeezing and pushing motion like something in the back was popping forward and rolling onto me. Very unique. Super hot lol. Quite a mess, but I loved it of course.
Resumed, 8/10/19 12:56 AM
Sorry, had to take care of some patients and then I got distracted watching twitch the rest of the night. Mostly it’s laziness. But pacing these out seems at least a little more respectful to put the amount of thought and reflection on each that they deserve lol.
I’m also gonna try to dig up the paper-diary posts that I was writing at the time. They’re hidden in some notebooks so I’ll try to go back and find them and insert them where they’re appropriate retroactively.
So Mary. Mary was fun. I remember her making me chicken noodle soup when we hung out and got wine drunk at her place before having lots of raucous sex. I remember getting snowed in at her place and building a snowman with her the next day, pouring wine onto the snow on the roof of our cars and eating it off like little wine popsicles. Mary and I were never exclusive, she made it abundantly clear that she was seeing other people. In fact, she was seeing one guy in particular who she was like... dating? Who I Think was under the impression that they were exclusive or something. In so many words, I was her side hoe lmfao. It was fun. I’ve already written about how we had phish concerts in common and that was enough to make me feel like she really got where I was coming from in a way not many people did. Plus she had these two cute kitties and a whole fuckton of vhs tapes of old 90s movies we used to watch. Had a nice day of watching Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
Mary always did fun little songs at karaoke. I remember she would do “I’m Just a Squirrel” to the tune of No Doubt, and whenever she Really couldn’t think of what to do and was a little drunk she’d do Tequila Wayyy before that meme guy happened this year. It was hilarious, I get why people freaked out about that guy, but she beat him to the punchline for me.
But she was also into doing a lot of drugs and having sex with a lot of people. So while it was refreshing to be a side hoe it was also only just a bit disconcerting lol. I do my best not to judge though, I’d probably be doing the same tbh. I think just coke freaks me out just because I don’t Like it.
I can’t remember how we got on the subject, but somehow or another Mary ended up finding out about my cat tail butt plug. I suppose it’s because I brought my sex toy box over to her place and it was in there. But when she found out about it she thought it was amazing and wanted to try too. I think it was just some random day, I suppose I could try to pull up the picture dates, but one day we hung out at Walkers drinking for a while, drove out to an Adam and Eve, got her a nice little black fox tail plug, and then I finally got to live out my fantasy of having sex with a tail on WITH me also getting to wear my tail. Holy fuck it was some of the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. Like absolutely beastial. I remember her meowing at me a lot, I literally came like 6 times after fucking for about 3 or 4 hours. Just pounding the fuck away at each other in every position imaginable. hahahahah holy shit at one point I leaned over the side of the bed to grab some more lube as I was fucking her doggystyle, but accidentally repositioned my knee onto my tail, pulling it out of my ass REALLY quick. One of the worst feelings, like it just ripped out. and then to make matters worse later when we finally finished and I tried to help her pull hers out I kinda just Yoinked it and did the same thing to herrrrrr hahahaha SHE DIDN’T EVEN SLEEP IN THE BED WITH ME. omfg yeah she left to go get a drink and never came back, and I couldn’t tell if she was furious or just too drunk and passed out on the couch. In the morning she didn’t remember being mad and said it was amazing sex though, so it was a relief to know it was the latter. And she posed up for me and let me take some amazing pics :3 It became the start of a furry tail self-porn folder that I’ve cultivated only slightly and solidified my fetish completely and entirely.
Ah unfortunately that was one of the last times we hooked up. I think in total we were fooling around for like a month or two? Long enough for me to tell my fam about her and my mom to give me a bracelet to give to her which I never did because I thought it’d be weird.
In the end Mary told me that she wanted to get serious with her real boyfriend, and that I probably shouldn’t come over anymore. It didn’t really beat me up all that much, because we had moved on to really only hanging out when we hooked up at her place. She had stopped going to karaoke because her new job she had to work in the mornings on wednesdays, so I didn’t see her as much either. But what totally fucked me is that I had a bunch of stuff at her place. I had brought a PS2 I had borrowed from Spencer and a copy of Kingdom Hearts 1 that I had borrowed from Jimmy over to her place, and she gave me the ps2 back with an off brand controller and without the copy of KH1. She kept her plug and gave me my other toys back, which was to be expected. Totally worth for me lol. But GOD DAMMIT that copy of KH1 and the controller really frustrated me lmao. When she said I couldn’t swing by to just get my own stuff I wrote out this detailed list that she ignored and then her old roommate took my shit and moved out when he found out she was getting serious with her boyfriend. Also a little piece of shit. He was the first person I played magic with in years though so he wasn’t all bad. I think he was definitely jealous that I was fucking mary though. Lol this month one of the things I finally did was replaced that copy of KH1 to start playing it on my own and eventually give it back to Jimmy, and fixed a cable I broke on that PS2. I hate breaking people’s shit/not returning it to them, it really frustrates me.
Anyway, yeah that’s about it with her. We would still see each other once in a while and she was snapping me for a bit just as friends. We’re still really cool. I think her and her boyfriend are doing well still too, so that’s sweet. And I’d see him out at bars and he wouldn’t kick my ass, though I still don’t really know if he knew if I was fucking her lmao. I remember shaking his hand a few times and still being like “I fucking wonder lmao.”
But yeah, having a girl ask me out was a huge ego boost. Mary was a gem. <3
What’s more, is she gave me faith that maybe dating is worth my time. Maybe there’s actually someone out there in the world who’s as weird as I am. Maybe.
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The Bed
July 23rd, 2019 12:30AM-1:40AM
I’m sitting on my couch. I decided to make an online diary for myself. I seem to always either lose my physical paper ones or my loved ones find them. I used to be able to afford therapy and doctor visits. I guess technically I can afford it now. I’m the most financially stable I’ve ever been, but it’s not due to my income. My boyfriend (who I won’t be naming obviously because this is being posted on a public platform) is definitely the money maker. He went to college, yknow? Anyway, I feel like having a therapist and being able to afford medication is a luxury. Something that can be taken or left. Which I know deep down isn’t true. I preach the opposite. When I see someone in a rough spot I always encourage them to seek help. Even though I know how impossible it feels to do so.
When I was a kid, some shitty things happened to me. I won’t go into that now. As a result I was taken to one on one therapy, family therapy, group therapy, and I was taking a few different medications. I was around 7 when this new routine picked up. First they just had me talk. For about a year I remember going to see my therapist with my mom in the room. They talked to each other while I sat on the floor playing in a therapeutic sand box. This is the majority of my memories. Scooping the sand into a plastic whale’s mouth and then dumping it out. Scooping it up... dumping it out. Every once in a while I was asked a question. Usually it was about my bed wetting. I’d started bed wetting after what had happened. I didn’t stop until I was 16. This was such a burden to me. I couldn’t stay with friends, and they couldn’t stay with me. It was a secret... and an embarrassing one.
In the 5th grade I made a friend. She and I really hit it off. We were so close. My mom finally decided to let me stay at her house, but she needed to let me know that I should change in and out of my pull up in private. She didn’t want my friend finding out I wore them. When I got to my friends house we had such a good time. We watched movies, ate popcorn and pizza, and she showed me MySpace. (Which in hindsight, we as 10 year olds definitely should not have been on MySpace.) I was amazed. There was this whole platform where you could connect with your friends without actually speaking to them. There were strangers, real people, who wanted to talk to you. My experience with it was very tame and for the most part it was wholesome. Anyway, when the time came for us to go to bed I began to think about what I was going to do with the pull up in the morning. I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to throw it away without anyone knowing. I didn’t know my mom had told her mom about it, and before I left my mom had given my instructions to hide it and not let anyone know. I made the decision to not wear it. I wasn’t going to let it control me. I wanted to be normal and have a normal sleepover. The next morning when I woke up, I immediately knew I’d failed. I wet the bed. Luckily she shared a room with her step sister who was off visiting her mother, so we slept in separate beds. I slowly got up and my friend woke up. I was frozen in fear. I couldn’t get out of the bed because I was soaked in urine. She would see. She would know. I waited and sat in my piss for a long time while we chatted about the dreams we had. Finally I grew impatient and asked her to leave the room so I could get dressed. She was confused. All of her other friends just changed in front of her. She said she didn’t want to. I pleaded with her. She refused. I was stuck. I decided to say I had a special and private way of getting ready in the morning. She was not having it. We sat in silence. She was stubborn. I broke the silence and told her. I told her I had wet the bed and that I wasn’t wearing my pull up. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I could tell she was uncomfortable. She didn’t say anything. She got up and went to get her mom. My face was hot and I was on the verge of tears. We never spoke about it again.
A few months later she got upset with me during class. She began hanging out with a girl who absolutely hated me. I’m still to this day unsure of what I ever did to her. The kids in our class just decided to try and be cruel to each other for no reason. Just something new to do. It was awful. The girl my friend was befriending was a ringleader. She called the shots. If she said lick the floor, you licked the floor. No questions asked. If you did what she said, you were considered a part of her group and you were granted some sort of weird popularity status. (It’s interesting too because this system that was created in 5th grade carried out to form the cliques that we all knew and loved in middle and high school.) My friend was trying to impress her. I don’t know what the girl said to her, but my friend came up to me and tried to pick a fight. A verbal one. I wasn’t into it and I was extremely confused. She suddenly blurted out “YEAH? WELL, YOU STILL WET THE BED!” I was mortified. Not a lot of my classmates heard, but that didn’t matter to me. She betrayed me. One kid who sat right next to me was caught totally off guard. I asked him if he heard what she said. He repeated it and hugged me. He said it was going to be okay. I’ll never forget that. As for everyone else, I was now tainted. I was gross. Disgusting. A baby.
I lived in fear for the next 6 years. I feared everyone knew. I always felt like everyone looked down on me. I felt small. Insignificant. Gross. Every once in a while I got a comment from someone trying to prove something to their friends. “Bed wetter!” “I hope you took a shower this morning!” I remember the next year on my 11th birthday I started my period. We weren’t allowed to use tampons in our household. My periods were so so heavy. I remember waking up multiple times each night just to change it out because it was soaked with piss and blood. I hated it. I tried staying awake. I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to be in control.
I don’t remember when it stopped exactly. My mom and I never really talked about it. She never asked if I needed more pull ups. She just went into my room and checked the drawer to see if I was low. Eventually she had to have realized I wasn’t putting them on anymore. We still have never really talked about it. Sometimes I get asked what my childhood was like. How sleepovers went. What I did. Usually I lie and make up elaborate stories. Sometimes I’ll say I had strict parents who wouldn’t let me stay with my friends. I’ve only told my current boyfriend, who I’ve been with for three years, the truth. I’ve told the lie about my strict parents so often that it blurs with reality. I begin to believe it. I get angry at my mom. I get angry about a strict parent that never was.
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