#don’t kill the part of you that’s cringe

[itsnotbird]

Orphic~ File 5

Taciturn (adj.); Silent; not talkative

Warnings: mentions of abuse, drugs, withdrawal, violence, language.

Bucky!Barnes x Fem!Reader

Previous part here

Masterlist

“James.”

“It’s alright, James.”

He stirs, letting out a soft breath as you come into his vision. He’s not afraid of the hands that run through his hair, how your fingers gently stroke his jaw, showing him the softest comfort he’s ever known. He finds himself reaching for you, his hand twisting in your hair as his forehead presses to yours.

“Shh, I’m here now.” You soothe. “It’s okay.”

He shakes his head, eyes squeezing shut before they open, seeing you smile gently, laid beside him on the floor.

“No.” He mumbles, a hint of a whine trailing after the word.

“You’re a good man.” You promise him, nuzzling your nose to his.

“My hands are red.” He tells you, heart beat in his ears as your soft hand slips down his check to rest of the side of his neck.

“And yet, I trust them completely.” You whisper into his ear. “I could be good to you if you let me. Won’t you let me?”

As you slot your lips to his, you gasp in his air.

Bucky wakes up with a start, chest heaving. His eyes look around the bare apartment. It’s empty as always.

Hands pressed to his eyes, he mutters to himself, his teeth grit.

“Get out of my head.”

“Get out of my head!”

- - - -

You suddenly understand why people can’t stop addiction.

This feeling is comparable to physical abuse, something you know much about.

By some miracle, you’ve managed to get out of bed and shower. You put on your own clothes, the things you yourself picked out. It’s a good feeling, but as you walk to the kitchen, you think your teeth might just crack.

Coffee might help.

“Hello, Blue.”

You jump, turning to see Vision behind you.

You give a simple smile, then wave your hand up for a coffee mug to come into your grasp from the cabinet.

“Your abilities are very fascinating.” He states. “Have you tried to use them on yourself? To get rid of that feeling you have?”

You toss him a look over your shoulder.

Of course you tried. Unfortunately, the people who cursed you with these powers made sure you couldn’t inflict them on yourself, almost like a safety precaution so you wouldn’t end yourself when they weren’t looking.

You lean on the kitchen island and sip the coffee, cringing at the bitterness. The sugar jar drifts over, you scoop two spoonfuls in. You drink the coffee quickly, hoping it’ll settle you.

“I understand your urge to remain silent.” Vision says. “The others might find it odd but rest assured, I do not criticize you.”

You muster up the best smile you can, then pat his hand. In your opinion, if anyone was odd, it would be the one that is a large computer chip who looks like a dignified gentleman with blonde hair.

You respect his kindness.

Taking bland tasting wafers with you, you wander the halls, take the elevator to different parts of the compound. To your surprise, you don’t run into many people, the agents and workers that you do come across, they don’t speak to you.

After about twenty minutes of taking in your surroundings, you come across a file room on the third floor, meaning it was restricted access.

You jab your finger against the key pad, it blinks at you angrily.

With one simple flick of your hand, the door creaks open.

You laugh.

Wasn’t this supposed to be a high security facility?

You shut the door behind you and curiously look over the filing cabinets. They’re labeled all differently, separated into mission reports and previous alliances or enemies. You open the one that’s labeled ‘Tony’s Cult’, assuming that meant the information on the Avengers.

You bring a stack out and sit comfortably on the floor. Like a good book, you dive in, getting lost in abilities, missions, back stories.

It might be an invasion of privacy, but they all read your file so you assume you can read theirs. You learn birthday’s, quirks that are noted in, who has confirmed kills and who doesn’t. You laugh at the file of Peter Parker, because there’s not much there besides everything that screams ‘child with odd ability’.

You enjoy Steve’s, because it reminds you of the children’s books you read hundreds of times while in The Ring. He’s the hero, the one that saves the day. He is everything you were told you were going to be if you killed a man you didn’t know. He was given a gun for the good of America, you were given powers for the good of a rich family.

James Buchanan Barnes

‘The Winter Soldier’

Your fingers pause before they open the dusty folder.

This felt more like the stories they told you to scare you into behaving. This was your story.

Confirmed kills…

Hydra…

…war…

…Bucky and Steve…

…prisoner…

…brain washed…

…Deadly, be advised…

…assassin…

Your brows furrow, all these words spin in your mind. Holding up his military id photo, you smile at his charming face in a sergeant uniform. You compare it to the stone cold expression of The Winter Soldier, and determine it’s two different people you’re looking at.

There’s a rather awful photo of his left shoulder, how the skin is scarred and mangled as it meets silver metal.

You reach to feel the brand on the back of your neck, your nails scrape it.

- - - -

Natasha knocked on your bedroom door, only to be met with silence. Figuring you’re eating breakfast, she searches for you in the kitchen, only to find Steve and Sam play fighting with wooden spoons.

“Where’s Blue?” She asks the two boys who quickly drop their pretend weapons.

Steve clears his throat. “Asleep still, maybe.”

Nat shakes her head. “I was just at her room.”

“You try the MedBay? Doesn’t she get poked around this time?” Sam asks.

“Her infusions are done, that’s why I’m concerned. Last thing we need is an important asset to be passed out somewhere.” She stresses just as Wanda joins them.

“What’s wrong?” She asks.

“Have you seen Blue?” Steve asks.

Wanda shakes her head.

They split up, searching every room.

You put the files back the best you could after the shaky feeling became too much. You wrap your arms around your cramping sides, somehow making it back to the living space where you collapse on the couch.

“Jesus, where have you been?” Nat asks as she comes in to find you, but her concern grows as she takes in your pale expression.

“What’s wrong?” She comes to your side, soon joined by Steve and Wanda. “How do you feel?”

I’ve never been better.

You refrain from rolling your eyes, you continue to shiver.

“Bruce said she has to let the shakes run its course, they can’t keep giving her that stuff.” Nat states to the two that join as you roll onto your side.

“Here, let me.” Wanda comes forward, you see the red glow at her fingers and shuffle away in uncertainty.

“Blue, this won’t hurt.” She promises, placing here fingers an inch from your forehead as she tries to figure out what you need.

“She’s cold.”

Steve is quick to sit beside you, pulling you to lay on his lap.

Wanda’s face twists in the agony you feel. “There’s nothing we can give her?”

“Uh…baby aspirin?” Steve offers.

You try to think of something that has felt worse, maybe the first injection of the serum, how it burned in your veins. That felt pretty bad. But though you’ve experienced multiple parts of hell, this was certainly new.

“They’ve lowered the dosage for a month, should it be effecting her this bad?” Steve asks, his hand on your shaky shoulder.

Nat comes back with a wet rag, wiping your clammy forehead. “This isn’t a drug you buy from a dealer in his mom’s basement, Steve, this stuff could kill somebody with a normal system. They’ve been giving it to her like candy for fifteen years, she’s become dependent on it and now her body is trying to figure out how to function.”

Steve takes the rag and keeps it to your skin as he grumbles. “You could’ve just said yes.”

Your head lolls, a sort of hallucination wiping over your vision. You groan with discomfort.

“I can put her to sleep, maybe she’ll sleep it off?” Wanda offers.

Sure, sleep off the deadliest withdrawal known to man.

Despite your doubt, you feel a relief wash over you as Wanda shuts your eyes.

Oh…this is nice.

- - - -

At some point, Steve left you when he was sure you wouldn’t wake. Covered in a blanket, you lay peacefully on the sofa.

That’s how Bucky finds you.

He wasn’t expecting to come across you, but his feet are now planted as he stares down at you. It’s a bitter feeling in him, you sleeping soundly, having no idea of the anguish you’ve caused him. He could hate you for it, he probably should.

…but…

He just wants to see, just wants to answer one of the many questions he has. Carefully, he reaches for the hand that rest on your chest.

It doesn’t shock him like before.

It just makes him angry, actually. It felt the same as in that terror from the night, that oddly soothing touch that will never be meant for him.

He drops your hand, huffing to himself.

Somehow, he feels worse now.

“Dude.”

He snaps his head up at the voice, seeing Sam stand there with raised brows.

Fuck.

“How long have you been there?” Bucky asks, swallowing nervously.

“Uh, long enough to see you go all creepy stalker mode.” Sam responds, coming closer. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Nothing.” Bucky answers quickly and defensively.

“Didn’t look like nothing.”

He glares, then moves away from you and closer to Sam. “Drop it, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” He bites.

Sam’s eyes widen. “Do you even know what you’re talking about?”

“…No. I don’t know.”

As Bucky storms off, Sam is hot on his heels.

“You want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“I feel like you want to talk about it.”

Bucky turns around swiftly. “You’re gonna be feeling something else if you don’t lay off.”

Sam raises his hands in defense. “Fine, suffer in silence, you damn cyborg.”

Bucky desperately tries to remember the rules his therapist gave him, more specifically rule number two.

Nobody gets hurt.

He has the urge to break that one.

Despite his pace, Sam keeps up with him.

“You know what, I get it. I get it. She’s mysterious, a little weird, like you, and she’s gorgeous. Of course you’d be obsessed with her.”

Bucky’s metal hand clenches in irritation. “I am not obsessed with her.”

Sam laughs over dramatically, clapping a hand onto Bucky’s shoulder. “That’s funny, that’s really good, you should be a comedian.”

Bucky zeros in on the contact he makes. “Remove your hand before I do it for you.”

Sam snatches it away. “You’re a little aggressive, you need to have an emergency session with your Doc?”

He manages to make it to his room without putting Sam through a wall. He thinks that’s improvement.

Leaning against the window, he rubs his head and tries to get those words out of his mind.

He wasn’t obsessed with you, just mildly interested in how you’re stitching yourself into his already fried brain. Of course you weren’t doing it on purpose, but you were doing it and it made him feel like he was slowly going crazy.

He does those stupid breathing exercises Raynor told him to do, cracks his neck, then leaves for the training room where Steve was expecting him.

Next part

[gayri-chmac]

i look in people’s windows but it’s jimmy checking on timmy every so often after he loses his memories knowing that he will never speak to him again

[rosenbergi]

I can’t take the “The World Is Mine” plot point seriously because this is all I can think about-

[badlucksav]

welcome to my cringe era

[donnieisaprettyboy]

sick of seeing hate thrown towards “baby gays.” let them wear rainbows. let them wear their pride flags like capes. let them make jokes about their identity and talk about it all the time. let them wear tails and puppy ears. let them do what is constantly deemed as “cringe.” let them be excited about finally being able to express their true selves. they deserve it. we all deserve it.

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

it just hit me how embarrassing it is that dnp can see what parts of their videos we rewatch the most. like it’s not just that they see what we post, they can legitimately see that phannies are going back every time they touch or look at each other and watching it over and over and over like THAT’S SO HUMILIATING LMAO

[moxymaxing]

whatever. old man yuri blast 💥

[towards-toramunda]

I’m sorry if anyone is annoyed with my ashrym brain rot but if it makes you feel better I am also annoyed with my ashrym brain rot.

[hyastani]

i love tumblr. i love my tumblr page because it’s like my toilet bowl where i vomit up all my cringe that i choose not to display on other social media. on here, i can be as cringe as i like and no one bats an eyelid bc everyone on here is cringe in their own way that’s why tumblr exists

[sapphic-scylla]

Just your daily reminder from your friendly neighborhood deific creature of gayness and magic:

Be cringe if you want to.

Look, if you’re trans and you’re cringe, odds are people are going to criticize and critique your appearance regardless of how well you pass and will actively work against your very blatant and obvious existence anyway.

So be who you want to be. Buy what you want to buy. Wear what you want to wear.

I found these and had to have them because they looked incredible and I had to force down the voice in my brain telling me not to because I am me and no one else can do it better.

So be cringe. Be awkward. Be the best you you can be. Because if they’re coming for us, they don’t care what you’re wearing. Live your life right by being happy and make them even more mad.

[sea-jello]

yeah uhhh scribbles?? from my morro joins the band au?? think of it as a concept instead of like,, actual art

click for quality/closeups ig

[ranas-twisted-wonderland]

New Yuusona just dropped!!

I put her in my bio but I now I’ve actually drawn her in the twisted wonderland style

also there is an art collection under the cut

I cannot render cats if that wasn’t obvious

[tomatoteddy]

One day I thought that Jack Frost was basically the only person carrying the villain community in Fairyland and needed to take a break so I made two new villain ocs. Info on both under the cut

Morganna (also called Morganna le Fay) is King Oberon's older sister who was banished and exiled from Fairyland for her evil misdeeds. She was locked away in a box for hundreds of years until some of Jack Frost’s goblins found the box she was in and brought it to her. Her goal now is to gain control over Fairyland and overthrow her brother. Yes she is based off Morgan le Fay (I had to change her name because there already was a fairy in the books named Morgan)

Edelweiss ( nicknamed Edel) is a changeling trickster who doesn't really have anything against the fairies. However, since they feed off human's negative emotions, she helps Jack Frost and Morganna anyways. She doesn't really have any lore since she's only based off a species tbh lol. Parts of her design were based off the changeling species from MLP (with the bug aspects) but she was also inspired by how changelings look in DND ( pale skin and hair, black eyes, y’know). I also based her outfit off traditional Swedish clothing since I saw that changeling folklore was prevalent in Scandinavia

Extra Art + Notes

I based both off mythology and fairytale creatures since Jack Frost is kinda a myth and I thought it would fit the current roster of villains in this series

I've decided that changelings and fairies are separate species in this world cause I don't think fairies in RM have the same abilities changelings do (changing size, shapeshifting, etc)

Also I know Rachel and Kirsty were able to disguise as twins in that one twins fairies book but I don't think there's any confirmation that fairies can change their own appearances

Morganna and Jack sorta have a rivalry with eachother since they both want to rule over Fairyland and absolutely refuse to let bith of them be rulers, but since Morganna knew Oberon and Titania better and since Jack has his goblin minions (which Morganna can use magic to enchant), they work together anyways.

I saw a post that said Jack was a homosexual and I'll stand up with that and also say that Morganna is a lesbian ( WLW MLM hostility, anyone?)

Edelweiss is also bigender, being able to change gender by shapeshiting. They also change their pronouns depending on what they’re presenting as. They don’t really care about gender, they only care about being the centre of attention

I do not know how to draw Jack Frost, I will find out how to soon tho. I hope. Why is this ice man so hard to draw

Yes these two characters would be a part of my recent fic idea I proposed in a few of my latest RM posts

[bitterscampi]

people calling Twitter ‘X’ has the same energy as the guys who get mad if you don’t call wwe pay per views ‘PLEs’

[slow-drowned-angels]

Pros of being in my horny fanart era:

Having a lot of fun

Honestly it got me out of a years-long stagnation in finished art pieces

Getting a lot more chances to play with different styles, poses, character interactions

Not having to come up with characters myself makes things a lot easier

Drawing more = better at drawing

I am inevitably a bit of an attention whore and it’s fun seeing other people’s reactions to my art

Cons of being in my horny fanart era:

Wanting to show acquaintances irl my art but then scrolling past them like “nope nope nope”

Wanting to put art on my professional website to be like “hey this is a skill I have and here’s proof” but uh. Hm. Probably not anything recent.

It’s always “hey why’d you draw that” and “wow I definitely know what you’re into” and never “damn that looked fun to draw” “we should give you money to draw things.”

[autisticlegolas]

i almost tagged something to say “i will never get away from jensen ackles, i need to be free of him and the constant reminder of spn” but i’m on tumblr it’s like asking to get away from the image of jesus and mary in a catholic church