#dont you love it when schemes fall apart

[miraculousfanworks]

Writing Prompt: Do Not Poke The Sleeping Ladybug

It seemed like such a good idea at the time...

Psychological warfare against Ladybug was so easy, once Lila discovered her secret identity. A little kidnapping of Adrien -- Come on, it's not even kidnapping, it's spending more time with the boy who belongs with me! she'd told herself. I was his father's muse, it's what he would have wanted -- and an Akuma-induced illusion of a fake Adrien dissolving into nothingness.

Marinette's boyf-- her TEMPORARY boyfriend turning to dust should give her something to think about, Lila had reasoned. Put her off her game a bit. A little wake-up call that the game has changed, and that I'm far more dangerous than Gabriel ever had been. And when Adrien eventually comes back, but I've sweet-talked him into loving me instead of her...

The repercussions, however, were not what she'd expected.

First off, Felix turning up bruised and battered, as if someone had beaten sixteen kinds of snot out of him was unexpected. Did she think that his COUSIN had something to do with this? wondered Lila. That's kind of odd.

The second part was that while Ladybug was scouring the city looking for her and for any clues about Adrien... Chat Noir wasn't. There wasn't a single sign of him anywhere, as far as anyone could tell.

I didn't see that coming, but that's some awfully good information to know!

And the third thing, which turned out to be rather important, was that the combo platter of "my boyfriend is presumed dead" and "my partner is missing" and "gee, I wonder if those two facts are related" appeared to have driven Marinette into a violent, murderous frenzy for some strange reason.

Prompt by: delfin

[aelinschild]

Season Of Forgiveness

Main Masterlist

Happy Holidays everyone!! I'm a little (Very, sorry!!) late with this post, but this is my gift for the 2023 Rowaelin Secret Santa! Big thank you to @rowaelinscourt for organizing it!! This is dedicated to the lovely @shyvioletcat , I wish you a very merry holiday season, and hopefully you enjoy this absolute monstrosity. I actually do not know what took over me during writing this, but I'm just happy its done.

SYNOPSIS: Holidays are known to be the season of joy, but when that joy is no longer Aelin's, she is forced to find peace in the unknown. WORDCOUNT: 9k GENERAL WARNINGS: Very light one bed trope, mentions of sex, angsty for no reason, swearing, alcohol, arguments, choking and CPR, happy ending dont worry

(A/N: After writing this, I realize it has the same vibe of calling Die Hard a Christmas movie. Granted, I actually didn't finish the movie, but from what I watched, how the fuck is it a Christmas movie?? This is me telling you that this fic is probably like that lol)

Hour One

Fuck.

There was really no other way to put it. Fuck is such a versatile word, situationally. Aelin can recount the times she's moaned out breathy fucks, and the times she's roared them during moronic altercations. 

This type of fuck? Certainly not the cathartic type. 

This fuck is the sum of all past mistakes in her life, multiplied by her best friend's scheming mind, and then raised to the power of the irrational choice to return to her old university town. 

On the queen-sized bed were two plush towels. A robe. Face cloths and minimal toiletries. 

Oh, and a fucking red rose. 

In Lysandra’s plush apartment – a classic Victorian style, with ivy creeping up the brick fireplace, and stained glass windows at odd intervals – she was the owner of three bedrooms. 

And to Aelin's luck, there happened to be two couples staying here this evening. Which meant two of the three bedrooms were now occupied. Mathematically speaking, the two other individuals would each need their own room. 

It seems that math slipped Lysandra's mind when she organized her little yearly anniversary Yulemas Eve dinner. How…pleasant.

Chest rising and falling with barely contained frustration, Aelin didn't know whether to yell or cry. Her hand held her overnight bag so tight her knuckles were pressing at the whites. Nails digging into supple skin. 

It didn't take a genius to figure out what Lysandra had done. But it took a lot of willpower for Aelin to not storm out of the room and choke her friend for the transgression. And just past the blood rushing in her ears, she could hear the friendly greetings of her other friends as they crossed the threshold of Lys’ little home. Welcomed into the warmth of tradition. 

Oh, I'm going to kill you, Lysandra. 

Aedion and Lys would – obviously – take their master bedroom. Located around a corner and at the end of that hall. Far from where Aelin was. A feature she was grateful for, given Aedion and Lysandra's… healthy love life. And Lorcan and Elide would slip into the downstairs spare room. The one the couple had claimed during the first year of this tradition. 

Leaving Aelin, in this spare room with a queen-sized bed and the bloody rose, to bed with Rowan. 

Oh, how she loathed her life at this moment. What foul god had she angered to be punished this way. Maybe that same god would derail Rowan’s cab en route. Shucking it into a frozen lake, or something of the like. 

Gently brushing over the towels, Aelin traced the other memories this room held. 

The queen-sized bed hardly fit her and Rowan, that she knew from experience. His height alone ruined the tucked edges of their duvet, which always ended up on his side of the bed by morning. The pillows would have to be mushed together in the middle so that they would not fall off. And Rowan, he at night would roll around. Restless, even in the deepest hours. He would usually end up on top of Aelin, face along her breasts and hair tickling her chin. 

Her fingers moved from the towel to the rose. Plucking it up, she held it at eye level. Studying the contours of the flower, it was beautiful. But Aelin couldn't get past the fact that Lysandra had set this up. And put a godsdamned rose on the towels. 

Aelin might just take the couch. 

The front door opened and closed again, voices rose up from the entry through the open bedroom door. Aelin began unpacking mechanically. The drawers where she set her clothes were the same as she had for the last decade. The dent on the wall by the left corner was also the same. Seems like Aedion never got around to patching it. Aelin chuckles under her breath, the talking-to she and Rowan had received after denting the wall from a vigorous…activity, would never fail to not make her laugh. 

Once the unpacking was complete, only taking a few moments as Aelin wouldn't be staying longer than the night, she took a moment to sit on her side of the bed and breathe. 

This would be disastrous. And she had no way of getting out. Unless she jumped from the window to her left. 

A decade ago, Aelin and Rowan had met through their friends. Their family. Aedion had bridged the gap by dating her best friend, Lysandra. Their quickly evolving and fiery romance meant that there would no longer be Aelin-Elide-Lys days. Now, they included the Ashryver cousin. Lorcan and Rowan had been over Aedion’s lovesick puppy act and had forcibly inserted themselves into the group. As her cousin rarely left Lysandra's side anymore. 

This meant that Aelin and Elide were left to deal with two grumpy college guys. It was like babysitting rocks, who could probably show more emotion than the lot of them. But somehow, somewhere along the line, Elide fell for Lorcan. And when Aelin was forced to watch another friend fall in love, she turned to the only bastard left. 

But Aelin and Rowan had always been…different. Difficult entirely. It started as sex. Each of them too busy with their respective degrees to foster any more of a connection. 

It worked, and it worked well. 

For two years, Aelin was exclusive with Rowan Whitethorn without anyone knowing the depth of their friendship. To her girlfriends, he was the hot guy whom Aelin should really give a chance. To his boys, she was the girl who could obviously help blow off a little steam. 

Time stretched out, and steadiness had replaced the need for romantic connection. Post graduation, Rowan and her barely crossed paths anymore, unless the entire group got together. But there still existed an attachment built during years of intimacy – which Aelin never voiced, not wanting to ruin the entire affair by breaking the principle rule of their arrangement. And due to that principle, Rowan had also never expressed any interest above surface-level desire. 

She had been left in the dark of his feelings for her, just as she had left him in the dark of hers. They were two polar magnets, separated only by the fear of shattering the fragile closeness built from tentative familiarity. Neither were any good at subtly hinting at something. 

When the parallel lines of their lives crossed, ever-diligent Rowan proposed something rather different. Unpredictable.

He offered a relationship. 

Looking back, it was hilariously clinical. It wouldn't surprise her if he had stored papers in her bag with a list of what their relationship could entail. Numbered – or alphabetically ordered. Probably about who did what and when hand-holding was allowed. Such a stickler for the rules.

But Rowan had shocked Aelin that night. When she had said yes, fuck it let's give it a chance, and they had gone back to his apartment, there was a bouquet of fragrant red roses placed on the counter. A box of her favourite chocolates beside it. Things she had mentioned in passing, probably after a hook-up. Maybe during a romantic comedy that they would often watch together. Where she’d point out the little things men can do that show a deeper appreciation. 

They had cracked open a bottle of wine, and talked for hours under the stars and above the rushing traffic. And it was like peeling back a layer, revealing this steadfast and romantic man. The one who had refiled her glass more than once. Used his hand to cover sharp edges when she leaned around after a few too many drinks. Who had carried her to bed, gently unclasping her stiletto heels and massaging the tired soles of her feet. Who had carefully removed the maxi dress she wore, hanging it up to prevent creases. Then, with permission, undressed her further. 

That night hadn't been like before. Aelin wasn't sure she had ever felt that way. Not a blinding, stretching heat or an all-consuming pressure. No, rather a connection. When Rowan had caressed her like a piece of art, she felt revered. Holy. Her skin had tingled with the unfamiliar feeling of adoration. 

Breathless whispers and tight holds had conveyed words that were far too new to speak aloud. 

That night had been the beginning of a long-standing understanding. The two of them weren't open about their connection. Rather, it was a pleasant slice of life, cut out to fit the shape of two lovers who aimed to navigate the crossroads of their future. And for years they existed peacefully in the space they had made for each other. 

Until they couldn't anymore. 

The door creaked open, its hinges never oiled. Lysandra was allergic to a chemical in WD-40. 

A whoosh of breath came from the entrance, and Aelin’s spine felt the all too familiar tingle of the presence of the man she had loved. 

“Aelin,” came the voice, like gravel smoothed by arctic winds. There always existed some sort of unrest under Rowan’s skin. It could be heard in his voice, worn from use. Had she still been his, she would have made him a cup of tea. Extra honey. As he liked. 

Humming out a noise of acknowledgement, Aelin turned slightly. Cheeks starting to heat. “Hello, Rowan.” She said, breathlessly. 

She watched his throat work. He had gotten leaner since she last saw him. His eyes less bright. Cheeks sunken. His unachievable tan had faded. 

He was still the beautiful boy–man, she had always known. Pleasure and pain united, each moment in his presence stole some of her oxygen. She loved him. Loved. 

A shrill squeak this time, and a crafty brunette head popped into the doorway. “Ah! Okay! Guess, how many candies are in this jar!” Lysandra asked the both of them. Their moment shattering and instead opening up to accept another's presence. Lysandra was holding a large mason jar filled with red and white peppermint swirl candies. 

“Uh,” Rowan scratched the back of his neck. “Two hundred?” Lysandra just snorted and then turned to Aelin. 

Aelin studied the jar, fighting to not break out into goosebumps with the feeling of Rowan’s eyes on her. “One hundred…and… forty-three–no! Twenty!”

“Final answer?” Lysandra taunted. 

“Yes.”

“Wrong.” She cackled. Turning away and hightailing it down the hall, laughing like she was possessed. “Come downstairs, you losers!”

Hour Two

Aelin had left with no word to Rowan. She couldn't bear it. The wound still so fresh. Instead, she had sauntered by and shut the door gently on her way out. Missing the pleading look in his eyes as she walked away. 

“Ae!” Elide shouted at her approach. Aelin couldn't help but smile. As awful as the next eleven hours may be, Aelin was grateful she had her best friends by her side. Lysandra's still on thin ice. 

“El! Look at you!” Aelin grabbed a hold of her friend's hand, letting her do a little twirl. The sequined skirt she had on fanned out around her. Reflecting the lights in the room across the walls. “You like our own little mirrorball.”

Elide just let out a soft laugh. Grinning. “Gotta get the party started somehow.” She said. Stepping back she put her arms on Aelin's elbow, holding tight. She made a show of looking around the room, and upon it being clear, Elide looked her right in the eyes. “I'm sorry.” 

“For what,” Aelin asked, perplexed. 

She gave her a pointed look. “I tried to explain to Lys that she wasn't being fair. It's not fair. I offered to get a hotel room for me and Lorcan, but you know how Aedion is about traditions.” She rolled her eyes. “I realize that this isn't… you know. This was not on the healing plan–”

“Maybe, El, just being with my best friends could be healing. Maybe we switch the healing plan around for a little.” She said softly, speaking from a place of honesty. 

Elide’s eyes were misty, and Aelin had to look away. This was a hurt that was deeper than her. 

She took a breath, “Okay. But–no I'm serious. Don't look away. If you need anything, anything at all, I'm here. And we can have a little girl meeting with Lys after we put the boys to bed.” She gave a choked laugh. 

Aelin nodded. An understanding passing through them both. Everyone knew that tension would be high this evening. Aelin herself knew it would be brutal. Facing her ex at Lys’ annual Yulemas Eve Dinner, a tradition shrouded in love and comfort. But she was eternally grateful for Elide – and Lysandra, but maybe not currently. How she found such caring women would never fail to surprise her. 

Elide nodded back, smile and eyes watery. They both let out laughs. This solidarity was something Aelin needed more than she knew. 

“Okay, no more tears.” Aelin sniffed, disconnecting their hand-elbow position to wipe at her waterline. Elide laughed and did the same; laughing at the growing pains. Embracing and squeezing love into each other. 

Hour Three

They had all moved to the living room. It was three o'clock, and the festivities would run until midnight. 

This tradition of theirs started years ago, when Lysandra had been given this apartment by her uncle, conveniently on Yulemas Eve. As a group of broke college students, they had gotten together at noon at Lys’ new abode, flocking towards the offer of free food and drinks. But, they had spent the next twelve hours renovating, each of them finding different tasks every hour to keep the boredom away. At midnight, the promised food had been delivered and all of them had pigged out and slept on the worn carpet of the living room, full of holiday spirit. 

That tradition continued on, and it proved to be extremely helpful in the days when family ties were harder to save than simply forget. When the lonesomeness of the holidays overtook the youths, twelve hours at Lysandra and Aedion's home would never fail to rekindle that merriment. 

And so, for the past decade, everyone would arrive at noon, and each hour would be filled with something new; usually holiday-themed, but it was truly left to Aelin’s best friend’s imagination. 

So at hour three, the group found themselves in the living room, sipping on sparkling wine and snacking on appetizers. This would – apparently – be the hour of catching up. 

“... And so I told him, if he wanted a maid he could hire one. I mean, the man is rolling in money. What fucking scumbag hires someone, and then lets them play servant for the rest of the office, and then drops all his work on them? I mean, truly.” Elide was saying. Aelin was nodding along, enjoying the fresh gossip about her best friend's workplace. “But then he got all on his high horse, all you can't talk to me like that and I'm your superior, you know. Stupid bullshit.”

“So what did you do?” Lysandra asked, thoroughly enthralled by the story. Lorcan let out a hearty chuckle, his arm slung across Elide lovingly. 

“I fucking stole the glass plate from his microwave. Then took all the ink cartridges from his pens. And all the extra toilet paper in his washroom? Not there anymore!” Aelin snorted out her bubbly wine. Lysandra was racked with giggles, and Lorcan was trying not to laugh out loud. Aedion’s cackle joined the fray. And like she always would, Aelin picked up on Rowan's breathy laugh, it ignited flames through her veins. 

“Oh my gods, El. You absolute heathen,” Aedion got out through fits of laughter. Lysandra attempted deep breaths while wiping stray tears from the corners of her eyes. Aelin stared into her drink, suppressing giggles. 

“Well, it's not like he didn't deserve it,” Elide added, smiling smugly. Lorcan just kissed her temple. 

“Certainly not. Where’d you get those ideas though?” Leaning for a piece of cheese, Aelin asked. Grabbing a few pieces and rolling them around in her palm. Lysandra’s giggles were waving in and out, each time Aedion whispered something in her ear, they’d begin again. 

“My gigantic brain.” Elide snorted, pleased at her joke. 

“Nice, El.” Came from Rowan. 

“See, I thought you'd crucify me for that. Mister straight and narrow.” Oh.

Rowan didn't falter, “No, actually, if anything that gives me ideas.” He said. “Sometimes the corporate world can be a little too uptight.” He glanced at Aelin. 

Aedion laughed again. “Rich! That’s rich coming from you.” He taunted.

Rowan leaned into the jest. “Maybe I want to break free.”

“Uptight life not suiting you anymore, Boyo?” Came from Lorcan. 

“Maybe.” Rowan shrugged. “Maybe life is worth a little more than corporate deviances.” He pulled at the seams of his shirt. Fingers twirling the stem of his sparkling wine. 

Aelin didn't think anyone else had noticed the stall in the conversation. The way the bright energy slowed and sputtered. Pausing momentarily and applying enough pressure to Aelin’s soul that she felt winded. But everyone moved on, Rowan included. Laughing and sharing stories as they might. 

The conversation didn't end, and Aelin’s buried sorrow didn't dissipate. But she would keep breathing. Keep moving forward, exchanging banter all in the hopes of drawing out the sound of her heart breaking slowly. 

“By the way, Lys, how many candies were in the jar?”

“None. It was the paper decoration that it came with from the store.”

Hour Four

It was cocktail hour. 

This was Aelin’s favourite tradition. One she actually prepared for. And it consisted of each of them having to make a holiday-themed cocktail, completely customized. There could be no research during the competition – before was a grey area Aelin loved to exploit – and they each had ten minutes. 

The order would follow; Lorcan, Lysandra, Elide, Aedion, Rowan, Aelin. And so, a silver tray had been placed in the middle of the table, and six yellowy drinks in champagne flutes sat. The colour was truly horrifying. 

“So, explain.” Lysadra motioned to start. 

“Right,” Lorcan grabbed a flute, examining it carefully. Like he didn't even know what was in it himself. “So, this…drink–”

“Sound a little more enthusiastic babe, or I'll be really worried about what you made.” Elide interrupted. 

“I'm already worried,” Rowan whispered to Aedion, face set in a perplexed grimace. 

“Hush, you goons.” He waved at the other guys. They broke apart laughing. “In here there is…Gin, uh, some Limoncello and creme de Banane. And I call it the…uh, I don't know. Yellow shot?”

“...of death,” Aelin whispered to Lysandra. Who nodded solemnly. Elide looked disgusted at her fiance’s creation, but schooled it into a look of pride when he turned to her. The moment he looked away, she made a fake gagging motion to Aelin and Lysandra. 

“Sounds wonderful, my dear Lorcan. Now, my great sir, would you please bring me my beverage.” Aedion declared, hands aiming to move in a dignified manner. He looked like he was trying to swat away flies. 

“No.”

“It was worth a shot,” He sighed, reaching for a drink. 

Aelin grabbed a flute, “Limoncello and Gin, what the hell were you aiming for here Lorcan?” She delicately sniffed at the drink. Oh god.

Plopping himself nearly onto Elide, who let out a squeak, he just shrugged. Grabbing his flute, he threw it back in one fluid motion. Everyone paused, waiting for the reaction. He swallowed, looked around, and then quickly turned away to gag and cough. 

Laughter erupted. 

Once everyone had a glass, clinking them together in cheers, and shot it down like Lorcan. He watched from on the couch, eyes a little watery. There was a pause as everyone swished the drink around in their mouth, tasting the flavour. 

It was fucking godsawful. Aelin had never tasted anything so evil. The hint of banana flavour nearly had her spitting the drink back into the glass, and the way the Gin nearly curdled it was almost worse. Taking a deep breath through her nose, she tried to swallow. Forcing the atrocity that was Lorcan’s drink down. Catching Elide’s eye, as the woman got up and ran for the washroom. Lysandra was the only one who seemed unbothered. 

“Fuck!” Aedion shouted when he could speak again. “Holy gods man, I have never put anything worse into my mouth. Ever.” 

“And that's saying somethin',” Rowan choked out. Also beyond bothered by Lorcan’s monstrosity. 

“You evil, evil man,” Aelin added. A shudder racking her body.

-

The cocktail hour carried on. Lysandra had made a mojito with cinnamon rather than mint, and it was not nearly as bad as Lorcan’s. Elide had done a ‘Sunrise Suprise’, which was simply tequila and orange juice. The ability to make a good cocktail skipped both Elide and Lorcan. Aedion had wanted to send everyone to their death, combining four different whiskeys and a melted spoonful of ice cream. It hadn't been as bad as expected, but there were much better choices out there. Rowan had mixed pickle juice and vodka, to create a dill martini. Interestingly enough, that had been the most palatable drink of the night. 

When Aelin’s turn came around, she began to pull out the individual ingredients. Lining them up in the order in which she would mix. Her focus on the drinks made her unaware that another body was present in the kitchen. Until they spoke up. 

“You look well,” Rowan said from the opposite end of the room, his body leaning up against the cabinets. Jumping at the sudden sound of his voice, her head snapped up. There he was, cataloguing her every move, a familiar feeling; his eyes on her. 

Startled, she stared at him. And kept staring at him, not realizing she had been ogling him for a few moments. She took in the lines of his body, the way his dress pants hugged his legs. The black leather belt, cinching in his waist. The sweater – cashmere, most likely – was elegantly draped over his upper body. The hard planes of his stomach were slightly in sight as the soft material moulded to his form. Everything about Rowan meant something. And looking at him only brought back bitter-sweet memories. Her gaze snapped away when he gave a light noise of acknowledgement. 

Blushing and caught, Aelin turned back to the drinks, cracking open the bottle of vodka she had slipped mint candies in a few weeks ago. She planned to let the flavours permeate the liquor and add a nice flair to her drinks. She felt Rowan’s inquisitive eyes on her every move. 

“Thank you, Rowan.” Acknowledging him, she hoped he would just walk away. She wasn't strong enough to just stand here and allow him to be there. To feel the gaping divide between their beings. 

Silence. 

“I– Look, I need to talk to you Aelin,” He approached from the other side of the room, slipping around the counter where she was. “I know it’s not the best–”

“Rowan.” A firm command, all blushed drained. She could be strong. She could. She was back to looking at him again. Green eyes, full lips, strong jaw. The silver strands that ghosted his brow. Gods she hated how looking at him hurt her so deeply. His smile, and laughter, earlier had been the knife to the gut. His presence here now? A twisting. 

“No, Aelin. I'm serious.”

“I am too.” 

“Wait.” He breathed. Gentler this time. His hand stretched out, muscle memory. She knew it would land at the curve of her waist, how the weight of it would ground her. The warmth would slip under the fabric of her dress, warming her bones. 

He retracted it before it got close enough, burning the neuron pathway that made the movement instinctual. 

She steadied herself, leaning towards him slightly, but not enough to communicate any more interest in where this was going. “Not now, Rowan. Not now. You had your chance, let me be.” 

“What chance? The fucking run-in at a cafe? That was not a ‘chance’ Aelin.” He snapped. Letting his frustration run into his tone. She hated him when he was like this. Not frustrated, no she understood that. But…seeking. She knew what he wanted, and she knew it would break her down quicker than she could turn away. Her sanity rested on the finalization of this conversation. 

Smiling politely, in a way she knew brought more frustration, she turned away and began preparing the drink. 

“Not now,” She whispered. More to herself, a silent prayer of resistance. She heard more than saw Rowan turn to walk away, over the entire conversation entirely. He missed the tear that raced down her cheek, or the hitch in her breath when the door swung close. 

-

“Peppermint Cocktails!” Aelin announced, waltzing into the room with her usual charm, all emotions wiped. She avoided Rowan’s look like the plague. Offering a drink to each friend, she was pleased to hear that her concoction was the best of the night – an unsurprising win – and the group sat around talking still. The light buzz from all the alcohol had Aelin feeling looser. The unease from moments ago slipped away like sand between her fingers. 

“I saw Rowan walk into the kitchen,” Elide whispered into her ear. Everyone else had been looking at a picture on Lorcan's phone. 

“Mhm.” 

“Want to talk about it?” 

“No.”

Hour Five

Rowan likes the cold. 

He liked it in a way many others didn't. He liked the way it nipped at his body slowly in the beginning, a feeling that was urgently chased away by shivers. He liked it when it froze deeper. When it slowly crawled into the heat of his body, dousing it and cutting off feeling. He liked the stiffness. The slowed movement as the cold reached his core, seizing feeling. It isolated him in a way many things did not. 

Sitting on the front porch of Lysandra’s apartment, he embraced the cold. 

Everyone had just finished up with a game of cards, and Aedion had rushed out, forgetting some ingredients for dinner. He had excused himself, just need a moment, and walked all of three steps before stopping. Allowing his body to freeze, his cashmere sweater not saving much heat. 

As he lost feeling of some body parts, he embraced the thoughts rushing through his mind, all seemingly racing in circles around the fiery blonde. The one whose embers never burnt out, but now seemed to be slowly dying. The consistent crackle and warmth of her presence, all leaking away in a manner he knew he was responsible for. 

The cold he had embraced wholeheartedly was killing his fireheart. 

His thoughts spun like the twirling snowflakes as they fell to the ground. Circling gently, melting away. But all things seemed to lead him back to his bedroom. To the moment this morning, before he had slipped away into the cab to make it here tonight. His thoughts brought him to the second drawer in his nightstand, underneath a notepad and tissues. In an embroidered box, sat a diamond ring, inlaid into a gold band that had sweeping leaf designs along its curves. Two emeralds set into the inside, to rub against one's finger. 

All thoughts seemed to lead him back to Aelin

Hour Six, Hour Seven, Hour Eight

“Can you pass me the salt?” Lysandra called from Aelin's right. She was before the stove, stirring the gravy and watching the vegetables as they cooked in the pan. 

Handing her the salt, Aelin brushed by her to grab some butter from the fridge. Needing it for the bread that would be coming out of the oven soon, steaming hot. 

They worked in a comfortable silence, only waiting for Aedion to return with some forgotten ingredients. Lorcan, Elide, and Rowan were all in the living room, having not been drawn for cooking duty this year. A method that was quickly taken up once the group realized six people in the kitchen was less of a pleasant experience. Top many bossy chefs. 

Post-cocktail hour, tipsy cards had commenced. And the many, many, shots of straight liquor had reached Aelin by that time. She was feeling much better, her heart no longer aching and screaming at her mind to just look at the man across from her. Rather, she had enthusiastically played cards. Letting the feeling of her family around her and the laughter that kept escaping cocoon her. Unfortunately, that joy had meant that Lorcan had swept everyone off their asses, wiping the board clean and winning the one hundred and twenty dollars put into the pot. That had sobered her up pretty quickly, arguing that he had cheated. He had just smirked. 

Then when Aedion rushed out, Aelin caught sight of Rowan walking out the front door too. She had been standing at the other end of the hallway, out of his view. She had watched his expression fall as soon as he crossed the threshold. It was like night and day, the crinkle around his eyes and the brightness of his smile, wiped away. He just stepped out, closing the door softly behind him. 

She had waited a moment, arguing mentally if she should go after him, until Lysandra had called, telling Aelin she needed her help. 

She wasn't ready to face him alone.

“Aelin,” A soft hand was at Aelin's wrist, pausing her chopping of vegetables. She glanced up, shocked out of her reverie. Lysandra was staring at her, looking deeply into her, her brows pulled together in confusion. She must've been calling me for a minute. When it seemed Lysandra had the other woman’s attention, she added softly, “I couldn't not invite one of you.” 

Dropping the knife, “Lys.” Aelin pleaded, not wanting to have this conversation. It felt like the entire night had been her running in circles around her and Rowan. Her and Rowan. Rowan and I. “Seriously, I can't do more of this.” 

Lysandra paid no mind to Aelin’s plea, pushing forward. “Listen. I love you deeply, very very deeply. Sometimes I wonder why,” at that, Aelin cracked a mirthful smile. “But I see the way you two look at each other. And while I know it's not my business, I think this is something you two seriously need to talk out.” She said solemnly. 

This was the point she'd been dancing around for such a long time. 

Pushing the cutting board away from her, Aelin slumped into her arms, leaning against the counter. 

“Did I make a mistake? Breaking up with him?” Like a breath after being underwater, Aelin let it out, asking the question that had rattled in the back of her mind for months. Breathing in a little deeper when some new space opened up because of it. 

“I have my own opinions, but whether or not you made a mistake is up to you.” Lysandra was soothingly rubbing her back. 

“Some days it feels like the biggest fucking mistake I've ever made, Lys. Some days it hurts so much I can't even get out of bed.” 

She hummed, letting Aelin speak. 

“I just– it felt right at the time. But it doesn't feel right now. How is that fair? How could I have made a decision like that? What would have happened if I stayed?”

“You wouldn't have done well, Ae. We all saw what was happening.”

“But you can't know that.” She whispered out. 

“I can, and I did. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is let go. And that's what you did, my love. Maybe something could have gotten better, but maybe not.” Lysandra took a deep breath. “I'm proud of you regardless, that's not an easy choice to make.”

“And it clearly wasn't the fucking right one.” 

Lysandra's hand stopped, she grabbed onto Aelin's shoulder, squeezing firmly. 

“You can say that all you want, Aelin, but ultimately it was the right choice for you at the time. You blossomed. But now? Maybe it's different. And maybe every time I see you two lovesick fools in the same room, I am simultaneously sick and overjoyed. I see his face when he looks at you Ae, like you hung the stars.”

“What's this? Therapy hour?” A loud voice broke apart their moment, jerking both women out of their moment. It was Aedion with the groceries. He was smiling widely, but it fell when he took in the expression of the other women. “Oh. Shit, sorry.”

Aelin just groaned. “And look at me now, ruining the festivities.” Watching Aedion's smile drop was just a reminder of the emotional burden she forgot to check at the door. Bringing that cloud of gloom inside. It was not fair to everyone else, they didn't deserve to bear witness to the sorrow leaking from her. 

“You're not ruining anything, Aelin. Aedion, stop being an idiot.” Lysandra amended. 

Aedion, clearly understanding the situation now, came over to drop the groceries on the counter and pull his cousin into a tight hug. “Lys is right. You have nothing to be sorry for. We all love you lots and want to see you happy, and if drinking shitty cocktails and spilling your gossip helps you feel better, I'll gladly do it alongside you.” He kissed her temple. 

Aelin wanted to break down. This was not how she expected to spend this evening. Granted, she has predicted being in the same vicinity as Rowan would test her. Bring those choked feelings up to the surface. It would hurt just as it had when they split, as there was truly no way to prepare for seeing him again after months of no contact. Months of isolation and heartache. Months without the half that made her whole. 

“Lys, baby, is the gravy supposed to bubble like that?”

“Shit!” Exclaiming, Lysandra rushed away from Aelin's side to check on her portion of dinner. Leaving Aelin, still bent over the counter, staring at the herbs she’d have to chop to sprinkle over the potatoes. 

She felt a gentle shoulder push against her side, and then her cousin was beside her, close enough she could feel the warmth radiating off his huge form. “Your parents would be so proud of you, Ae. No matter what. And I think you should do what you feel is best. Even if that's walking away. I love you, we love you.” Mumbling into her ears, lower than anyone else could hear. Aelin nodded, brushing the moisture away from her face. 

“I love you too, Aedion.”

-

“Cheers to this year!”

Glasses chimed as they clinked together, bubbly wine spilling over, onto the feast laid up on the table. Decadent smells wafted up, making Aelin's stomach rumble. She was ready to dig into the spread, and let the food smother the churning anxiety in her stomach. 

She was seated next to Elide, and Aedion on her other side. Everyone else was spread around the round table – Lysandra hated the idea of a square table. Not wanting any fighting over the head of it. 

Aelin had spoken to Lysandra and Aedion for a few minutes more, opening up a little about how she had been feeling. It took some pushing, given her displeasure at possibly ruining everyone's evening with her issues, but the couple had assured her that it wasn't possible. Highly doubtful of that. But it had been…cathartic, to really speak about how she had felt. How she was dealing with her wounded heart. It meant more than Aelin would realize at the moment, for the two of them to give her a little perspective. 

Then, once the timer for the roast had gone off, and the main part of dinner had been pulled out of the oven, it was dressed up in the herbs Aelin had finally finished chopping – after getting a few more hugs in from both Lys and Aedion. Lys and her had started dishing up the plates and Aedion set off to cut some of the roast. Lorcan and Rowan had joined to set the table. And Elide had popped some bottles of prosecco, pouring glasses for everyone. 

Seated now, in front of a plate of aromatic food, a balm for the soul, she felt the urge to voice her appreciation. “So,” she started, drawing attention from everyone, especially Rowan. “I- I wanted to say thank you. To all of you. I think… that because of the lives we live today, I really don't have the opportunity to look at all of you and say that. To be able to sit around with each of you means more than anything, and I can't imagine being anywhere else right now. It wouldn't feel right.” 

“Cheers to that,” Lorcan added, a slight smile aimed in Aelin’s direction. If that wasn't the definition of a Yulemas miracle, she didn't know what else could be.

Glancing around the table, the circle of the most important people in her life, her eyes stalled upon Rowan. She meant what she said, meant every piece of it. She loved all of them. Grumpy Lorcan, meddling Lysandra. But gods, she loved Rowan, and she lied to herself every day when he was no longer a warm presence next to her. His side of the bed uncharacteristically cold. The feeling of it cooling her. 

She hadn't noticed the change in the environment, her focus being locked on Rowan. Their eyes connected, as if reading each other's minds. A choked wheezing noise almost drew her away, but she couldn't. Not when she was swimming in him, not when–

SLAM

“Elide!” A shrill scream. Ripping Aelin away, she was met with a panicked Lysandra, and a horrified Lorcan. 

Elide was facedown on the table, and amid chaos, Aelin noticed her chest was not rising and falling as it should. Shouts ensued, voices yelling about get her up and call an ambulance. What had happened in the seconds Aelin wasn't present. How could this have happened that quickly? What was happening! 

“She can't breathe!”

“Start CPR. Now!”

“Has someone called an ambulance?” 

What is going on!

Lorcan had gently laid Elide on the floor. He had his finger down her throat. His face was panicked, but he was hiding it well, focusing on Elide. Chairs were shoved back, and Lysandra was rushing away, Aedion was on the phone, Rowan was getting on his knees by Elide. They were saying something to each other. Rowan pushed Lorcan away. Lorcan fought back before he realized what was happening. Rowan placed his hands by Elide’s middle, his fingers laced together. She looked so frail there, on the floor. 

Rowan started pushing down, one two three four. One two three four. Onetwothreefouronetwothreefour– What is happening!

Aelin was frozen. Frozen in fear, in disbelief, in shock. How. That's all that was going through her mind. How. It had been going so well, how could one moment lead to this? To Elide, down on the floor, not breathing as her fiance shouted panic commands at Rowan. Equally freaked out. To Aedion, shouting instructions from paramedics. Two minutes away! To Lysandra, distraught, not knowing what to do. To Aelin, standing as her best friend couldn't breathe. 

Lorcan leaned down, his ear by Elide's mouth. His hand on her neck, searching. Rowan paused, breathing heavily. 

Aelin thought she knew what it was to feel her heartbreak, to feel it shatter. But she had never felt it as it fell. Dropped straight out of her chest when Lorcan looked up, eyes wide as saucers, pupils fully dilated. As he looked at Rowan and a lone tear slipped from his eye, dropping down, down, down. Down to where Elide was not breathing. 

Hour …

Seated in the emergency ward of the local hospital, Aelin listened to a dull Lorcan list off what had happened. She had choked. She had something lodged in her throat for so long that she passed out. It got lodged deeper. She has two broken ribs. It's not your fault Rowan. You saved her life. She had an endoscopic surgery. To remove the food. She’ll need to stay for the night. Observation. 

Struck by disbelief, Aelin couldn't do anything more than trace the lines on the floor. Her hands shook, a later symptom of the shock that had paralyzed Aelin in the moment of action. As Elide was carried out to the ambulance –still not breathing – she had only stood there. Rooted to place. Snapping out of it only when Rowan said he was going to follow them to the hospital. Aelin hadn't even said anything, snapping out of her state and running to the door to grab her boots and jump into whatever car Rowan would be taking. 

Only she and Rowan were at the hospital, alongside Lorcan. Aedion had made the executive decision for Lys and him to stay back. Lys had been hysterical, shouting, but shaking just as Aelin was now. She hadn't thought of them once, only what might happen to Elide. To her lovely Elide. 

“But she’ll be okay?” Rowan whispered. Agony weaved into his question. He felt guilty, this Aelin knew. Even if he had saved a life, he felt guilty he had hurt someone. She could scream. 

Aelin didn't hear an answer, assuming that Lorcan had nodded when Rowan let out a great sigh. Cut short by the sob that burst out. Lorcan was there in an instant, wrapping his brother up in a tight hug. She palmed her thighs, squeezing so tightly. 

Eventually, Lorcan released Rowan. The both of them were slightly breathless. Eyes red and sad. Lorcan said he was going to check on Elide, and Rowan sat down next to her. For a few quiet moments, no words were exchanged. A too-real grief hung heavy in the air. They almost lost someone, and now here they were, waiting for Elide to be here again. Because she almost wasn't. She was so close to not being here anymore. 

Standing up abruptly, “I- I have to go.” Aelin walked off, not waiting for an answer from Rowan. She was walking quickly through the halls, adrenaline coursing through her so quickly she could barely breathe. And then her breath was coming too quickly. And then she was running, running for the exit. And in her haste, she didn't hear the other feet running after her. 

All she could hear was her breath. Elide’s lack of. 

She slammed through the front doors, flat-out sprinting now. She had no idea where to go, and it was snowing hard. The wind whipped at her dress-clad form – she hadn't grabbed her jacket. But she kept running. Tripping up on ice, pelted by the rising blizzard. She had no idea where she was, but the blood rushing in her ears, and her hyperventilating had her in a dizzying state. 

“AELIN!” A voice roared. She couldn't tell where the sound was coming from, completely surrounded by falling snow, as it blocked out the light. Spinning wildly, she could feel the tears as they rushed down her face, freezing on her cheeks. 

She was panting, barely in control, when Rowan came from her side, nearly slamming into her and knocking them both over. He was breathing heavily too. His hair was out of place and his eyes were wild. 

“What were you thinking!” He yelled, grabbing onto her. “You can't fucking run like that! Aelin! What the fuck!” His tone kept increasing. His chest rose and fell rapidly. Unlike Elide. No movement, no breaths. No breaths, no breath, not breathi- 

“Aelin! AELIN! Look at me!” 

Her eyes were wild, nails pressing into Rowan’s biceps as she held onto him for dear life. Where was she, where was she, wherewasshe…

A chilled hand grabbed her chin, pulling her – not roughly – to look into Rowan’s frantic gaze. Her breathing wasn't slowing, and Rowan’s gaze was unbreakable. He was whispering something, his lips moving. Aelin watched as they moved, shifting up, down. The corners of his mouth pinching. Another hand came up, and her face was now being cradled between Rowan’s large hands. And she saw his lips still moving, and then the crease in his brow, the worry dancing in his eyes. And then she was pressed against his warm chest. 

Her head was against his heart. The thump-thump a grounding. She felt her breathing start to ease, felt arms tighten around her. Felt as she leaned further into Rowan. The tears falling faster now, but her breaths slowing enough that her brain could finally catch up. To where she was. Where she was, here in Rowan’s arms. In Rowan’s ar–

“No!’ She shouted shoving away from him, breaking the cage that was his grasp. “No! No, no, no!” 

Rowan just let his arms drop, hanging by his sides. His expression was one of worry, and confusion. Frustration and dismay. “What?” He said. His voice carried through the snowstorm. 

“Dont– Dont do that!” Aelin sobbed out, hands going to her hair. Pulling at the roots and turning around aimlessly. 

“Do what.” His hands clenched. His worry wiped away, a vexed expression appearing instead. 

“Do that! Care for me! Stop!” She kept shouting, the snow thoroughly soaking her now. The chill seeping into her bones.

“Care for you? What?” He shouted back. “What the fuck do you mean Aelin!”

“I mean, don't come r-rushing after me! Don't fucking p-pretend you care!” 

“Pretend I care?!” He took a step forward, she took one back. An undecipherable look crossed his face, before it was set back into a frown. His shoulders lined with tension, and fists opening and closing around nothing. “Aelin, what do you mean?”

“You don't care. S-so don't c-come running after m-me like you do!” The chills were shaking her body now, and she wrapped her arms around herself as tightly as possible, trying to keep in body heat. The storm was getting worse. Rowan’s image was getting blurrier, maybe it was her tears, still flowing freely. Along with her nose. 

“What… Aelin– I,” His hand went to his hair, raking through the soaked strands before pulling. “I chased after you because you fucking ran away hyperventilating! Out of a hospital! Into a fucking blizzard! What do you think I’d do? Sit there like an idiot and let you freeze to death or get hit by a car?!” 

“It doesn-”

“Yes it does! Yes, it fucking does!”

“Why!” She screamed, shaking and watching as Rowan stepped forward. This time she didn't step back. 

“Aelin.” He said, this time it was more of a command, a telling. “Are you asking me why I’d come for you?”

She considered it for a second, then nodded. 

A moment passed before Rowan's face morphed into one of genuine pain. 

“Because I would always fucking follow you! And I would always make sure you are okay, no matter what.” He snapped. “And I'm sorry I can't turn my feelings off as easily as you, but watching you walk away, no matter what, it fucking kills me!” 

There was a pause as the words sunk in, as Rowan’s chest rose and fell with laboured breaths, as his eyes traced her face for any hint – of anything. 

“You what?” Aelin squeaked out. Not knowing if the question was swallowed up by the storm until Rowan took a tentative step forward. Then another, then they were just a few breaths apart. 

“I would always follow you, Aelin,” He whispered, face drawn in sorrow. Her cheeks hurt from the frozen tears, but they warmed at his confession. “Because… because I still love you. Still so, so much. Ae, it hurts.” 

“What,” She said, more to herself. But Rowan's face crumpled, and she felt the fall directly in her heart. 

“Aelin,” He whispered, reaching for her hand that was tucked under her exposed bicep. Slowly freezing. She let him grab the hand, warming it between his palms, and then pulling her forward to place it on his heart. “I have missed you every day, and I- I couldn't do anything about it, ‘cause I fucked it up in the first place. I made you have to leave. And so I watched you walk away. I let you,” He took a deep breath. “I never wanted that to happen. Ever. But I did, and… gods Aelin, I’ve never regretted something more in my life.”

She just looked up at him. Not really believing the words she was hearing, because how could this be possible? 

“Rowan…” Her lips were turning blue, and she could barely feel her legs. She was going to freeze out here, in the midst of a blizzard, as she heard her ex-boyfriend tell her how he messed up, how he missed her. 

A tear fell on his face, and she watched it trail down. “I love you, Fireheart. I still love you. I am in love with you.” He shook his head, his hair had froze. “I'm sorry.”

“Rowan, I t-thought you wanted m-me gone. I thought it w-wasnt working.” Her teeth were clacking together so hard, she could barely get the words out. That and the weird feeling erupting from inside her. 

“I never wanted you gone, Ae. I was just so… I didn't realize what I had– what we had.” 

“And now y-you do?” She mumbled, her feelings dancing on the edge of a knife. 

His pine-green eyes scanned her face so quickly, moving over every feature. As if he was re-memorizing them all. She watched his throat work.

“Ae… I don’t know how to– I,” He closed his eyes. 

Aelin took in her hand on his chest, the tear tracks along his beautiful face. The soaked sweater. Her frozen body, and she took a chance, stepping forward, pressing up. 

Rowan must have sensed a change, because his eyes snapped open, searching, before finding Aelin closer than she had been in months. 

“Rowan…” She breathed, “I love you so godsdamned much.” She slung her arms around his neck, and pressed a cold kiss onto his stunned lips. He didn't react for a second, and she almost darted away, before she was pulled back. 

Her lips crashed back into Rowan, into a fiery and all-consuming kiss that warmed her from head to toe. Rowan's hands moved all over, making purchase along her frozen body. Never settling, like he didn't realize she was real. 

There, in the middle of a raging blizzard, Aelin got back what she had been searching for. Her other half. The man who was only everything to her, all along, and forever. 

-

Once Rowan had realized that Aelin might actually contract hypothermia, he had rushed her back to the hospital, where she was treated for minor frostbite, and then released soon after. The pair had visited a sleeping Elide and tired Lorcan, before heading back to the house to update Lysandra and Aedion. Once they had gotten past them, Rowan had gone up to their room to run a bath for Aelin. 

Lysandra had told Aelin she could take Lorcan and Elide’s room – given that they wouldn't be home that night – and when she had objected, saying she preferred her room, Aedion and Lysandra had looked at each other questioningly. But they let her go without a fuss, Lysandra already planning to get this information out of the woman. 

Aelin had paid them no heed, moving lethargically upstairs, where she found Rowan sprinkling some of the petals from the rose into the bath. 

She had kissed him, and then gotten distracted kissing him, before timidly inviting him into the bath as well. He agreed, and the two of them spent a gentle moment together, not initiating anything further, but Aelin sunk into the feeling of Rowan, of having him back in her life, in her heart. 

When they had both pruned up, Rowan hopped out and brought the towels over, drying the both of them off. Running on the dregs of her earlier adrenaline rush, Aelin leaned heavily into Rowan as he got her ready for bed. The soft moment bringing her back to where she felt safe, where she knew she belonged. And when Rowan picked her up bridal style, gently laying her on her side of the bed, tucking her in and then crawling in behind her, she knew she was home. 

“I love you, Rowan.”

“I love you, Aelin.”

Hours Later

That morning, when they went as a group to visit Elide and Lorcan in the hospital, carrying some gingerbread cookies, flowers and a present for Elide, they found the couple asleep together in bed. Lorcan's large body curled protectively around Elide, his great arms placed with a delicateness reserved only for the woman he loved. They had tried to backtrack – let them sleep – only for Elide to snap at them. Telling them to get their asses back in the room because she wants to spend Yulemas morning with her family. 

Aelin could have cried happy tears, and she had. Rushing forward to hug Elide. Careful of her ribs, and the giant man behind her. She had cried into her arms. Mumbling incoherent words into the woman's skin. And soon she was joined by Lysandra, who was equally as teary. Lorcan had mumbled something about wanting to spend the morning with his fiance and had slipped off the bed with a groan, headed elsewhere. His spot was quickly replaced by the two other women. All of them snuggling up together. Rowan had snapped a quick photo. 

Aedion and Rowan pulled up chairs, and Rowan grabbed an extra for Lorcan when he returned. Chattering happily, Elide was in the center of her family. And even if she had been in pain, had almost died, she was forgetting about it instantly with their arrival. And she sat with them for the entire morning, basking in the love so freely available. 

And when it was time for them to leave, she didn't miss the way Rowan folded his arms around Aelin, and the beaming smile she reserved for him. The way their hands snaked together when they thought no one was looking. And the kiss Rowan dropped onto Aelin's brow as they walked off, away. Intertwined again.

Taglist: @backtobl4ck // @goddess-aelin

Thank you for reading!! Happy holidays to you all :))))

[dreamsy990]

so 358/2 days, amiright? heres my thoughts

this game is just. god its an emotional rollarcoaster

i guess ill start with the things i dont like!! which is mostly the gameplay. i dont really mind the mission structure shockingly (i like being able to roam around but having a clear goal makes things easier for my adhd ass, and i think the miniature storylines are very good for the most part) but i simply could Not get into the combat. especially coming off of kh2 it feels so stiff and unfun to play the only part of the game where i enjoyed the combat was fighting riku at the very end. i think the panel system is okay but i dont like that levels take up space. why did they do that.

story-wise, i dont like the retcons!! a lot of the ones i take issue with are very minor but things like roxas only fighting riku once instead of the implied multiple times (even the dialogue doesnt make sense when you change that, why does roxas say 'how many times do i have to beat you' when theyve only fought once?) are the kinds of inconsistencies that just annoy me.

im also a little bit annoyed at the very concept of this game at all. i think roxas worked just fine as a character without this game. it feels sort of unnecessary in the grand scheme of things. also, xion. i love xion, dont get me wrong, but i dont think she adds anything to the series over all. thats not to say she doesnt add anything to this game because shes a great character and i love her, but shes just. kind of like this game in that if you got rid of her i dont think it would really change the narrative so much.

BUT DESPITE THAT ALL!!!!!!!! i fucking ADORE this game. it is genuinely so full of charm and soul that i just cant bring myself to dislike it. i think this is one of the best written games in terms of dialogue. every scene (at least for me) hit exactly as emotionally hard as i think it was meant to. i was laughing at demyx's antics and crying at xions death and yelling at saix and i think thats exactly how the game is meant to be seen.

days at its heart is a slice of life. its working a 9 to 5 its going through a depressive episode its losing friends its grieving its making fun of your coworkers its living. its a game about life and i love that.

this game really did make me forget that axel roxas and xion dont get a happy ending. i spent so much time looking forward to them making up that i forgot that roxas ran away. hell i almost forgot that xion died.

days is emotional and its story and its characters are just so fucking good. the conflicts all felt very real and you can tell exactly where everyones coming from. the way axel roxas and xion fall apart hits so fucking close to home. but god damnit if axel had any good communication skills like half of this could be avoided

its also one hell of a love letter to axel's character. hes always been one of my favorites (he recently earned first place) and i think this game does him a lot of justice. hes trying to do good. he wants to keep everything together he wants to be there for his friends he wants to make things right but he just cant. its just AUGH its so fucking good

that thing about axel's characterization really also applies to roxas. i dont have much to say about him beyond the fact that i think it does his character very well. also tism. hes so autism.

i kind of like the very limited graphics too. sue me i enjoy low quality games. the hands are not animated and they all have two expressions (blinking and not blinking) and their weapons are flat and im living for it. the very few fully animated cutscenes are good too!!

the (real, i dont count riku) final boss is unfortunately very easy. you can just stand directly in front of her and mash a she wont hit you its too easy but vector to the heavens did mess me up a bit. also earlier scene but "ill always be there to bring you back" with the other promise playing over it? fucked me up man. yoko shimomura is once again killing it

i cant believe roxas didnt get to go to the beach.

i have to give this game a 9/10. its writing is incredible but the gameplay could use a lot of work. its just not fun to play. but again the characters, emotions, and music all make up for that tenfold.

[greatestwizardofthisage]

assigning each of the bad kids a taylor swift era because i am feeling deprived of tswift content now that she's on break from the eras tour

Kristen: Fearless. I can't even explain why, but to me that album is just so sunny and in my mind it fits Kristen perfectly. I think maybe it's because Fearless was one of the first album I ever really loved, then when I was older the rerecording is what got me back into tswift and I can totally see Kristen going through a similar journey with it where maybe she loves it as a kid but then stops listening to it as she distances herself from her childhood/family, only to fall in love with it again later on. Also I feel like the country vibes fit her well. (She would also LOVE betty but she would pretend it's a lesbian anthem)

Gorgug: Ok this feels controversial but he's a Lover stan. I just fully belive that to his core Gorgug is a lover not a hater and he would un ironically love Lover. Like to me that album is all about having gone through some bad shit and choosing to only carry forward the best of it? And that fits with my perception of Gorgug. ALSO the end of afterglow 'I want to be defined by the things that I love, not the things that I hate, or the things that haunt me in the middle of the night' just feels very Gorgug coded to me dont ask me why. However if you've seen any of my other posts about music and the bad kids you know that I wholeheartedly believe Gorgug loves all music so I think he'd be hard pressed to choose a favourite album.

Riz: Midnights. And not just because this kid never sleeps. Bassically I really couldn't decide which album he would listen to because none of them really fit, but then I started thinking about specific lyrics and I think Midnights has the most that he could relate to. I mean 'no one wanted to play with me as a little kid so I've been scheming like a criminal ever since' is about him. You can't change my mind. I do think though that Riz is definitely more invested in all the easter eggs and firguring out which album is coming next over actually listening to her music. Like he would for sure be among the first to figure out all her clues.

Fabian: 1989 and Folklore. I fully to the bottom of my heart belive that until his sophmore year Fabian would exclusivly be listening to pop music, sea shanties, and weird elven music. So obviously he would love the greatest pop album ever made. He wouldn't listen to Folklore until post sophmore character development. Also he would For Sure learn the choreography for the dance in the background of Dress on the Rep tour and recreat it perfectly using his sheet.

Fig: Speak Now. I mean do I even need to explain this? It's the perfect album for Fig. It's the kind of thing she would have loved when she was in her Preppy Cheerleader phase, but it has just enough of that pop punk influence that I feel like she could still appreciate it when she's older. I feel like she would definitly take issue with some of the misogynistic lyrics used in some of the songs, and would be all for the lyric change in Better Than Revenge. Also as I've mentioned many times before, Fig would love Paramore, and would LOVE Castles Crumbling. Like you're going to sit here and tell me that lines like 'They used to cheer when they saw my face, Now I fear I have fallen from grace' + 'Their faith was strong, but I pushed it too far, I held that grudge 'til it tore me apart' + 'Ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off, And here I sit alone, behind walls of regret' + 'People look at me like I'm a monster, Now they're screaming at the palace front gates, used to chant my name, Now they're screaming that they hate me, Never wanted you to hate me' weren't written by Figueroth Faeth? I also just think songs like Never Grow Up and Long Live would perfectly fit with her not so secret sentimental streak.

Adaine: Evermore and Folklore. I think theres just a sort of elegence to these albums that really reminds me of Adaine. I also think theres so much vulnerability in them and a lot of the songs touch on feelings of not being good enough for others (mirrorball, tolerate it, this is me trying, right where you left me) that I think she could relate to not from a romantic relationship standpoint but from all the expectations placed on her by her parents. I also think that although these are probably the most low key of tswifts albums, they have some good angry songs (no body no crime, illicit affairs, mad woman) that she would definitly love. But yeah this is mostly based on aesthetics. Evermore and Folklore were albums written with a quill and Adaine is the kind of girl to appreciate this.

[musicaltheatregirlsandsongs]

Musical Theatre Song Contest: Round One B

Submitter’s propaganda under the cut

On My Own

Éponine is literally just a girl and this song is the most heartbreaking thing because she is a teenage girl with a crush on a boy who doesn’t like her back, because of course because shes just a girl, but due to her misérable circumstances she is not actually ALLOWED to just be a girl. But she can be when she’s all alone. She can pretend.

For the unrequited love. This was my go to song for every teenage crush I ever had

come on now

Let It Out

GOES SO HARD . its about paul matthews getting infected [?] [more like overtaken by the hivemind or something] by this blue shit [apotheosis] that makes people [in the hivemind] sing and basically makes everything a musical . which is not good since paul Doesnt Like Musicals . and paul gets infected [?] because hes trying to blow up the asteroid that landed in the town [hatchetfield] and brought the apotheosis . basically "was that a note, OR JUST A SOUND? AM I FINALLY COMING ROUND, TO A RHYMIN SCHEME? oh god!" "just stop it, im split in two! is this me, OR IS THIS YOU?! AM I DEAD, im comin apart AT THE SEAMS!" "is my integrity worth anything at all? but happiness cant come before its fall." "am i crazy? maybe ive always been, become what i hated, or maybe i never did? its awful freeing now, to share the hate i felt, BUT WHAT WILL I LET IN IF I LET IT OUT?" "GOD HELP ME OUT, IF I LET IT OUT!" . also im a paul fictionkinnie and i think itd be cool for the song where i [paul] basically die[s] to get in the bracket . also it ends with paul [me :3] yelling I DONT LIKE MUSICALS which i think are nice last before getting consumed by the hivemind words .

actor have amazing range, funny and action-packed

[bluelead35]

the folio of foliage

alhaitham’s birthday special. 

alhaitham x gn!reader 

mentions of cyno, tighnari, nahida, nilou, and kaveh, and the reincarination theory, hints of alhaitham’s lore relating to his grandmother 

fluff, sfw, birthday blues, comfort, memories, nostaglia, sentiment, friendship,  bittersweet, confession, friends to ??? 

heavily inspired by  @l00106​ with their alhaitham birthday art, hope you dont mind me tagging you! 

In ancient civilizations and time gone by, many believers of the Scarlet King would bring offerings to celebrate the manifestation of the first appearance of their leader. They would bring fresh fruit from the forests, sing songs in front of the great mural of his Eye, and have great feasts. Even his fellow divine would join in on the festivities. The Greater Lord brought her presence to the desert to listen in and bring speciality items and songs, but also the Goddess of Flowers would put on a dance for the king. Despite Scarlet King’s hesitation towards his birthday celebrations, when both of his friends ceased to exist, he missed them dearly. 

But to cover up this feeling of sorrow, he would frown on these celebrations until the end of his rule and the fall of Gurabad. 

Alhaitham’s eyes scanned the pages of his book, sitting in a big blue chair that was placed in front of a large table sprawled out with books and papers. He had no time to dwell on the past, but he could never put aside his time for reading. The scribe understood the Scarlet King’s hesitation towards celebrations because at the grand scheme of life, fluff is only there for filler and that there was no true purpose to that. Only through logic and events that furthered life along directly was important. 

But to Alhaitham’s friends, they believed that birthday parties were crucial to life. It celebrated the way that Alhaitham was alive. .Alive enough to help the archon of his city. 

“Whatever do you mean Alhaitham’s birthday party? He has never struck me as the type to party?” Cyno’s voice was soft and quiet but you could hear it just fine over the ruckus in the cafe. A couple of students at the Akademiya were giggling and gossiping just thinking about Alhaitham. 

“I would love to participate. I could gather the ensemble for a special performance for him.” Nilou chimed in, setting down a few cups of coffee down on the table, smiling. 

Tighnari’s ears wiggled for a moment in thought as he came up with something. 

“We could get the archon to help.” Tighnari suggested, as Kaveh began to saunter in. 

“You, making a birthday celebration for that hermit?” Kaveh exclaimed, as Tighnari sighed. 

“Hermit" means someone who lives alone, Kaveh. He lives with you.” 

Kaveh rolled his eyes, sitting down next to you. 

“Like what do you see in him anyways?” This prompted you to look at Kaveh with the softest and tender look on your face. You chuckled, a light blush on your face, but then swallowed the feeling with a big gulp of coffee. 

“What do you mean? I just want to do something special for him. He saved the city from that godawful sage and the archon too.” You explained, as you received four looks from your friends. You brushed it off, as you began to initiate ideas for the celebration. 

*****************

His fingers brushed the spine of an old book-probably as old as him or even older. He couldn’t even remember a time without it. A small smile crept on his lips in the secret confines of his office, seeing the old lettering written inside the cover. It was addressed to him and I could still remember the feeling he had when he received it. 

The sunlight was seeping through the home, as an older woman sat next to him. He tore apart the wrapper paper meticulously and was surprised with a book. Its green cover with gold lettering brought his attention to the title. He looked at the woman and smiled wide. 

He held the book close to him as a young child, being inspired to read everyday, and now as an adult, he would always carry it around. The memories were worth it to bear sadness, but again, it’s a part of life. Celebrations were not. 

He shut the book, seeing the title of it, The Folio of Foliage, and put it away for the time being, feeling a tear inside but quickly dismissed it. He heard a group of students giggling up on the elevator, as he rolled his eyes. 

“Excuse me, do you have an appointment?” He asked the young ladies as they shook their heads. 

“Oh no, we just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.” 

He nodded at the regards, having no emotional response to it, and then dismissed them. He kept his head down in his books until nightfall. 

He closed up his office to be met with the shiny diamonds in the sky. He wiped his brow over the amount of work he had finished, and began walking along the street until he heard someone call his name. 

Her green eyes smiled into his own, as she was sitting on a swing she had crafted. He looked at her in admiration and respect, as she smiled. 

“A little someone told me it was your birthday, and you worked the entire day?” She questioned, as he nodded. 

“I don’t see celebrations as being crucial to life.” He responded, as she smiled. 

“I suggest you head down to Zubayr Theatre anyways. Just follow the scent.” The archon smiled, as she disappeared. He sighed, rolling his eyes and walked down the road to find the theater lit up with fireflies from the forest. He expected grand collaborations of sorts, but it was just you. 

You stood proudly on the theater’s stage with a few flowers in your hair, and surrounded by presents. You smiled at his appearance. He looked up at you with his mouth slightly agape, as the stagelight floated above you. 

“What’s this all for?” He asked, looking up at you. You turned red at his gaze, and titled your head up to find your friends above in the curtains of the stage handling the technical details. 

“Your birthday. I know you don’t like celebrations, so I thought maybe this doesn’t count as one.”  You offered his hand up. 

“The others helped clear Grand Bazaar out, so it’s just us two.” You smile at him, as he takes your hand. The softness of his hand onto yours made you blush even more, but kept strong. 

There was a silence that arose between the two of you, just watching the fireflies together and seeing the stars float in the sky, as you took a chance. 

Leaning on his shoulder, you clear your throat, “Did you tear up today?” 

He looked at you in confusion, “Huh?” “Did you get sad at all today? You know, birthday blues.” You explained, as he rested his head onto yours. 

“I did, yes, but I guess it’s quite alright.” “It is. It’s okay to be sad on your birthday. It’s a day celebrating your birthday and well the sad things that come across. The past memories make it sad sometimes. The thought of remembering someone when they’re gone, but isn’t that crucial to life?” You chuckle, as his eyes widen in shock. 

“I guess you found me out.” 

He eyed the presents in the back and having a bit of a smile, “Hope you accept these from the others. The one’s decorated in purple are from Cyno, green are Tighnari, blue are Nilou and red is Kaveh.” 

Another form of silence. 

“Also would you accept my gift for you? I know it would never top your grandmother’s, but…”  You trail off, the light blush resurfacing. 

“Hm, what is it?” He seemed a bit distant, aloof maybe, but he was inside his mind trying to process all of this. You whisper in his ear before giving him a kiss on the cheek.  “Happy Birthday, Alhaitham.”

[redysetdare]

Something real weird about how people only want to truly accept aromantic/asexual people when they're "closer" to being het (in their eyes). People are all about aroaces being sex positive, and being allowed to be in relationships, and being allowed to have sex, and that's fine! But yknow, funny that when aroace people DONT want to have sex or be in relationships of any kind, when people can't just pretend they're 'straight with extra steps' then people don't wanna accept it. Or almost wanna push them into that role. Real funny.

It's the aphobia. A lot of allo people like to say they're supportive of aspec identities but in reality there is a hard line they draw in what they view as a valid and acceptable aspec identity and it pretty obviously is the identities they can pretend aren't aro or ace at all. You can see it when they support Ace people. They'll say "Ace people can still love" with "still love" being the qualifier here. You can see it when they support Aro people. They'll say "Aro people still love their friends/family!" with "Still loving their friends and family" being the qualifier. "Ace people can still have sex" with "Still have sex" being a qualifier. "Aro people can still date or enter a QPR" with Partnership being the qualifier.

Some Allo's cant comprehend that people DON'T want these things, so when they hear about non-partnering, Loveless, or repulsed folks, they break and suddenly you can see their aphobia bright as day. It's all a facade. It helps no one. It hurts all of us, even the aros and aces they find "acceptable" because in their heads they aren't seeing these people as aro or ace.

This doesn't even touch the surface for when you get into people being aplatonic or afamilial, or other a-attractions. When you suddenly don't have the "still love" qualifier, everything falls apart. people use love as a moral standing. if you don't love then you're morally corrupt because the opposite of love is hate. people think not feeling love means you feel hate instead, ignoring the fact that is just not how things work. ignoring that the feeling of love or lack there of means nothing in terms of morals. The world isn't black and white "Love = good" and "Hate/apathy/lack of love = Bad" It's childish to think of the world like that.

so yeah, in the grand scheme of things it is funny. all we can really do is laugh while people continue to act like children because their world view is being shaken up by someone else's very existence. I hope one day they can laugh with us as they realize how silly it was to think in the way they did.

[bawlbrayker]

My Intro Post!

Thanks to @callivich for the brilliant idea of a way to introduce ourselves to others in the Gallavich fandom!

Name: (can be a nickname) Mandi

Age: Mid 40s, mental age of a teenage boy

What made you fall in love with Gallavich? I dont even know. They just appeal... hyperfixation doing its thing, I guess?

How long have you been a fan? since August 2022

Favourite Gallavich moment/scene? Prison Reunion. When I tell you I screamed when I saw Mickey...

Favourite Shameless character apart from Ian and Mickey? Frank (not because I like him, but because he is SO BAD, in so many schemes, and has some brilliant scenes)

Do you write or draw or make edits? I write a lil, mostly smut

Favourite type of Gallavich fics? Are you into angsty canon type fics or maybe fluffy one shots, perhaps you like dramatic canon divergent stories or interesting AUs - share what tropes/genres you like! Yes, yes, yes, yes YES!!! All of it! Love me some Ian and Mickey!

Favourite Gallavich quote? "Fuck you, fuck you and especially fuck you"

Anything else you’d like to share about yourself? I currently have 5 Gallavich related tattoos, including Mickey's bare ass on my thigh

Although this is aimed at new fans, feel free to do one of these even if you’re not. Then everyone can just check the #gallavichintro tag and find people to follow.

Link to Cali's original post here, along with a wealth of information!

[rontra]

Please take this as the compliment I intend it as: your Lois Lane gives off big Misato Katsuragi vibes. As in "everyone thinks they know my deal but I will turn into the most conniving person alive on a dime." Brilliant art as always!

KATSURAGIIIIIIII MY BELOVED ...

thats so funny. yea no yea there is that flavor... i Love characters like that sooooDHBFDS (and thank you!!)

its silly right bc i dont rly know anything about her history i havent Looked Into Her. i just randomly see her here and there in my travels and go "SHES BEING WEIRD AGAIN HERE TOO 😳". so i feel like i truly am pulling it out of my ass when i draw her. im skating by on hopes and dreams here. but those weird disparate Incidents paint such a funny picture in my mind that i dont think i can course correct now. sorry to the real #LoisHeads if this looks gay to the viewers

(optional rambling 👇)

im rotating her in my mind. i like it when they make her kind of weird 😭 so obviously i had to make her weird too i can't help it. i think obviously she's acting for what she thinks is Ultimately best but she's willing to take Arguably Low Roads to get there (especially if she has plausible deniability). it's funny in comics whenever superman is also around and shes just like sorry sweetie you're not cut out for the type of shit that i do

in my "women should bite each other" verse that's rly the part that throws kate, who doesnt Know her beyond professional images, and is also so full up on self-justification anyway that she's halfway to "she can write cutting words in the paper but she doesn't have what it Takes..." and then lois is like no im blackmailing you into working for me . & that all falls apart doesnt itMDHJBFSG

in 2019 they had her really firing on weirdo fuel she was like a scheming little chessmaster. lining up the dominoes. holding more information than anybody and sharing None of it. pulling the strings. unnerving her own guys. cards impossibly close to the chest but asking for complete "your life in my hands" trust from her girls anyway!??! ooo i can't stand it that's my type of woman i dont even care about anything else . . .. .

im always collecting moments that make me go "OO GIRL" out loud

[sphericalbee]

this is long asf and i know it STARTS w me being like 'i should kms' but im gna spoil it for u all and say that's NOT where it goes lmfao im just dumping out all my thoughts

!! very very rambly, not proofread even once, probably makes no sense and is very cheesy

i wrote a fucking novel holy shit LMFAO no hard feelings if u skip

if i can be kinda depressing for a second i think ab killing myself too much for someone who is basically fine (that might be a lie idk i don't feel like thinking ab it more rn) 😭 like the world just has so many issues i dont wna deal with,,, yk? and it would be so much easier to just move on to whatever's next, bc i KNOW ill have a fuckton of debt in college and have to live through miserable relationships and watch the earth fall apart bc our leaders r so incompetent. even now im living through like 5 genocides, insane global warming, a poverty crisis, inflation, and all of this can be boiled down to greed and hatred

also a lot of kids my age are so horrible for no reason and it's sad to think how many people just absolutely suck ass

but at the same time i won't kill myself bc there are people who i wna make sure get through everything alright, and ik i have good things to live through too

so ive compromised and decided i get to shoot myself in the head when im like 60 if i don't have a wife and the world is still a mess 💀 like i don't wna live longer than i'll enjoy it (lets be reallll global warming will kill us all before i have to do anything anyway)

surprisingly, i got a lot better after reading philosophy books? making sense of the world and appreciating the genius of the philosophers, who were ppl just like me, helps

i feel like ive found so many new ways to think ab and experience the world through philosophy. it's a beautiful part of humanity, trying to understand and having genuine fascination about the way things are and what everything means

good music helps too. yerin baek to fall in love with everything and cry over every single feeling you've ever had ever, universe mongae when that's too much and i have to detach

i listen to universe mongae a lot in class bc my classmates fuckingh SUCKK and she sets me apart from my emotions or feeling lonely when im leaving myself out on purpose bc they're not good people

a few days ago, i was listening to yerin baek as i walked back to school from lunch and the world was suddenly so beautiful and i realised how everyone else has a consciousness and worlds just as real as mine and i fell in love with everyone (by everyone i mean like 30 people)

suddenly i couldn't even care how much i missed out on or the people who i wish loved me more because in the grand scheme of things, im allowed to be careless and love without reciprocation and it won't matter because i hold no more worth than a dragonfly... to have zero expectations for what you could and should feel or be and just enjoy yerin's voice in the moment might be one of the happiest moments i've ever had, honestly

yk whats ironic? it was a love song directed as another person that made me realise i could feel love and not care if i was still no one's favorite. life is beautiful anyway because i can love and make it beautiful on my own

not that my state of 'im fine with loving everyone alone' will last very long. i mean,, im just a mammal LMAO i can't deny my own brain chemistry

even just earlier today i finished the math test earlier and accidentally started thinking ab my childhood. idk why it happened but i did

and i remembered how i was so selfish and couldn't let anyone see i was anything less than perfect

there's one memory where i mispronounced a word and a girl corrected me. and i immediately tried to say, "no i know, but my brother says it that way and i do it too on accident". she called me out, obviously, and i rolled my eyes before whispering "it's true though" in the hope that someone would hear and think "oh she actually knew that"

it's sad to think how i used to be. that's from around 7th grade, i think, so i would've been 11 maybe?

up to a few months ago i would randomly remember that and feel insane anger and hatred for my younger self

it seems so foreign to me now and weird that i could hate a child for being brought up with horrible conditions and lacking emotional maturity. i thought that if i could go back in time i would just look at her and feel bad bc i got so much better since then

maybe even love her idk she's not having fun either 💀 do u think she enjoys holding herself to absolute perfection and looking like a dumbass in front of everyone when that's inevitably impossible??

there was another time that made me so sad to think ab

i got dragged along to my brother's friend's birthday party and some kid did smth rude

and i watched as the kid got chewed out by his mom and then went to apologise to the birthday kid

and the birthday kid just said, so seriously, "I accept your apology"

and i remember thinking smth like 'whoa that's cool id be so embarrassed talking like that'

thinking ab that time (i think i was 12ish maybe) is so crazy. like my parents did such a shit job that i thought i had to be SO ALOOF and above it all that accepting an apology was weak and embarrassing?? jesus i cannot wait to move out 💀 ill send them an email when im gone telling them everything they'd send me back to therapy for

ive been reading too much philosophy, and a lot of that revolves around the meaning of life and how to achieve happiness/catharsis. but i think i have my own conclusion of what it means to be happy even without plato haha

ive never been happier than when i began to forgive and understand myself

it feels like i can live as i want and it's not important. one of my favorite quotes is "i could die tonight and hold no more significance than a dragonfly's death". i wouldn't say im a nihilist but i do like the idea that nothing means anything other than the worlds we have in our minds

it's my mission to make those i care about happy and carve out a good future for myself

ive tried to follow a lifestyle of "i work for my future without ruining my present" but ngl i just ended up anorexic literally three times in the past 5 years 💀 idek what i did wrong like DAMN?? chill tf out hggsdhgfsgd i had a panic attack over eating an extra bit of cheese one time

also fuck my parents for giving me no life skills. raising urself is really hard and you end up with so much internalised bullshit

im honestly so proud of myself for turning everything around after 8th grade

i guess i owe a lot to my classmates for not letting me get away w bullshit and caring ab political issues

it's pretty wild that i cry at movies now when last year i was apathetic all the time

i think i like having feelings? pretty undecided still ngl

i think it's a step up

but i can't even talk to my parents ab how they fucked everything up for me and i had to pull myself out pf the absolute trenchessssss or theyll make me do family therapy and ill end up forgiving them which id rather explode than do

anyway ig my point is if you're having trouble with existence or mental health, pls don't give up on yourself. i promise there's people out there who either love you or will in the future and you just need a few quality coping mechanisms to make it through the day

whether that's antidepressants, the powerpuff girls, philosophy (:33 which it should be), yerin baek (which it also should be), or vent art, find ways to make life liveable until you're ok again. bc you always will be in the end

i probably don't know you but i love you because you have a life and a consciousness

please recognise that about everyone

i read somewhere that everything will always be alright in the end and if it's not okay yet, it's not the end either. it sounds dumb and doesn't really make sense (where's the logic lmao site ur sources at least) but it's such a nice sentiment

i think ummm i will go to school and give all my friends a big hug tmrw so pls don't be sad in the meantime

anyway loossemble's new album is good im so happy for them

this is the happiest and healthiest hyeju's ever looked i lowkey wna cry over how well theyre doing ;v;

also highkey want her to put me in a chokehold like GHSFDFJFSDHGJK those ARMSSSSSS MOTHER??

fuck modhaus tho i hope artms r doing well... fucking jaden jeong ugh

[iloknalem]

The church bell rang again today

As it always has, the church in front of my apartment rings its bells every Sunday, without fail, at 9.45 am, for 5-7 minutes. Just the perfect duration to make a half boiled egg.

The church. It used to be so overcrowded, they built another church around one kilometre apart at the end of the 19th century. Nowadays, both of them doesn't even do weekly mass anymore. Seems like people would fall out of love for religion after the reality of 2 devastating wars hits in. I cant imagine the hopelessness those people felt, when the rock they stood on was unceremoniously swept away from under their feet.

But this is not a lesson about hopelessness. What caught me pondering was the guy ringing the bell. The church also rings at different hours of any other day, just a short ring, around 30 seconds.

I assume the guy must just be someone appointed by the catholic organisation, or whatever they call it, to maybe do the upkeep of the church and whatnot. Just another cog in the going-down-in-popularity-machine called catholicism. An honest man in the system, just doing his job, a symbolic job of what used to be the cornerstone of peoples life, nowadays only done for formalities. A function, stripped of its significance— shortly said, its useless

Nobody comes anymore to the church, the bell is just a noise polution at this point. The Germans are pretty stingy about noise on Sundays, and yet here they are, ringing their old bells again,

and now i wonder, how does he feel about his job. I used to be someone who thinks that everything needs to have its own purposes, its destiny, its contribution to the society. This job looked pretty useless to me, it lacks any real meaning nor purpose. I thought, if i was the man tasked to ring the bells, i wouldn't be happy with what i do— i wouldn't be content with my life.

The closest comparison might be the legend of Sisyphus. After 2 times eluding his fate to die, he was punished to roll a boulder to the top of the hill, and watch it rolls back down, endlessly. A completely, useless, destiny i must say. And yet here we are, in life, facing the same reality in one way or another.

Some of us maybe are said to have been lucky, to have found "find the meaning of the universe", to maybe work in their dream job, have a dream family, fulfill their destiny for the world.

And yet, i think those kinds of wishful thinking, the "expectations" of a perfect life and their understanding of it, potrayed in social media, in our society, is just a naive way to give purpose in this funny game we play called life. Its just religion 2.0, its there to give comfort, to justify that everything we do have its own meaning in the grand scheme of things, or to simply give that push to wake up in the morning and do our day-to-day duties. A sense of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel, whatever you want to call it. A normalized addiction.

At this point, you might think i would go all nihilistic to say that life is meaningless, and therefore theres no point in justifiying the meaning of what we do. I dont think its like that.

I do think theres a reason on why things are. Reasons, for why stars shine, why water flows, and why the world revolves. Yet, our understanding, or in this case our lack of understanding, underlines the puniness of human nature, how small and insignificant we are. These humbling factors, we need to acknowledge them first to understand, to realize our inability to parse the meaning of life.

Theres still a lot of things that we still dont know, a lot of things we need to sit on, discuss about, and figure out together something other than "42". This, gap, between our teeny tiny minds and the meaning itself, some people call it the absurd— the absurdity of life. Theres still a long way to go, and i dont think were gonna get the answer in our lifetime, at least not mine. Until i die, i wouldnt get the answer of why my coffee spilled this morning, or why i needed to get through a lot of hardships, too much so that it seems comical, that i think someone is voodooing me. I mean, i know why i spilled my coffee, thats because i tripped on my table, but i will never know the reasoning behind it, in the grand scheme of things.

To try to find the meaning of everything is to embark on an endless journey that often leads to more confusion than clarity, It is futile. It's more liberating to accept that some things might remain enigmatic, allowing us to appreciate life's mysteries without being weighed down by the relentless pursuit of meaning.

There are a lot of solutions for this "problem" we have, which is our nature to seek reasoning, and the overbearing non definitive meaning of life. Some seek to find their own meaning for themselves, some threw all reasons and morals out of the window. Some find comfort in accepting their insignificance and prefer to not live at all. None of them are wrong i must say.

For me, I think that I must try to confront the absurd, to not give in to the situations and conditions we are given, as we are free to do what we want, to be where we want to be, as long as you want to challenge life itself. This part, im still figuring out on what to say about it, its still a journey for me.

One must imagine that sisyphus is happy, that he's content with what he does fully knowing that what hes doing is absurd, for the struggle itself is enough to fill one man's heart. One must not question the reason, and just embrace the happy things in life, the lofty goals we make, the stupid obstacles we find, the sorrows we endure, to laugh, to learn, to love, and therefore to live. Life is absurd, and thats okay.

And therefore i conclude that the bell guy has a chance, and might have found happiness too in doing what he does. I hope he does.

To not be a slave of destiny is the way to live, and thats how i want my attitude on life to be. Its going to be my own adventure on challenging the absurd, and im going to define how it will be as much as i can. Obstacles are going to come and go, and theres no deeper meaning in it other than to learn from it and to embrace it —to embrace the absurd.

[mandalhoerian]

Hey, I don't know if anyone's mentioned this to you before, but I just wanted to say making Vera's color scheme pink (with black) totally makes her super recognizable and iconic, you know? It's a genius character design choice to me because in all of Resident Evil, there's no other character that's "pink," so she really stands out in a fresh way. It's like you filled a gap we didn't even realize was there. Plus, she's got that whole tech vibe going on, which is so cool because she stands out from all the scientists and badass fighters dealing with bioterrorism. I just think she's awesome and the thought put into her design is top-notch! I miss her sm I hope you update soon <3

RAHHHHH ANON KICKING MY FEET GIGGLING THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ?????? I FEEL SO VALIDATED AHAHAHAH LIKE YES MY EFFORT HAS BEEN NOTICED BAAHAHAH

You didn't ask for this at all but I'm going to ramble ANYWAY. SO

I was extremely particular about making her "recognizable" as you say, like memorable. Because good god RE has so many good female characters who are so unique, and color-coded somehow, honest to god I was like "WHAT IS LEFT IN THIS UNIVERSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE A DISTINCTIVE OC WHAT AM I GONNA DO"

----- like, I had a friend who knows extremely early drafts of her, and embarrassingly she was a corrupt, snobby, scope-hungry journalist redhead who wore red and dressed like veronica lodge from riverdale 🙃🤐

and then she was korean for a while (this fell after i discovered ashiemochi's so-ah). and then turkish. and then the turkish journalist thing fell AS WELL because i discovered other journalist ocs on tumblr paired with leon and a turkish journalist on wattpad and i was like "oh my god fuck i am scrapping everything" (this idea later got recycled in moth to a flame)

first drafts are absolute hell, as you can see.

i actually dont remember how i got the pink idea. im also like. obsessed with color? i guess. i like to categorize so it's always fascinating when a character/thing is associated with a color/symbol/animal/ and owns it -- like, the girlies in RE -- they made Ashley orange-yellow, sheva purple (kinda? its not as prominent as the others), rebecca pistachio green, alex wesker white, ada cherry red, claire apple red and it just HITS, it could just be a me-thing though. It falls apart at one pointt I know, because how many characters can you color code hahahah (and they didnt even try with the men. they're shades of blue, all of them. or black. bo-ring. they went with the hair and body type for them while the girls got the colors kinda DDJSKDS) -- so take it with a grain of salt, it's just that I love color as a starting and developing point and I cant overgrow it 😭

but like. interestingly there was no pink pink character like you said — apart from moira burton that is who has it in like the hood of her jacket and bracelet and nowhere else, though she is a minor character? i guess in a zombie game franchise marketed to boys majorly in earlier years, they wouldn't really prefer pink LMAO so it was easier to bubblegum chainsaw an OC in since that was a deliberately left alone concept. I was like "mine now" and put a spin to it!!!!! I love that she's just black-pink. It's her whole thing. Such a satisfying thing to me to work with

I'm glad you think highly of this, the opportunity was ripe for the taking and I just went for it! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me!1!!!💕💕💕

EDIT: I FORGOT THE TECH THING YOU SAID IM SORRY. Yeah that was on purpose to further establish her to be her own thing as well. Too much "she's not like the other girls" vibes here AND ITS WORRYING but no she is just like the other girls and is proud of it. I just wanted to explore other occupations DJSDHSJSJKD Legit it started out as wanting to branch out and experimenting how I could incorporate it to RE's story!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN I WANT TO KISS YOU CONSENSUALLY ON THE FOREHEAD THIS ASK MADE MY DAY IM WORKING ON THE NEW CHAPTER CURRENTLY!! Hopefully it will be out this month, you know how long the chapters can get 😭

[kewltie]

when i write something i tend to have a goal, or actually a specific moment or scene, i aim toward. for this specific scene in stepdad au i had this image of izuku surrounded by his sleeping children and talking about how he wants to protect his kids from becoming like their villainous sire so that they dont walk the same path as him. it was very clear in my head and i knew what i wanted but i have to build to get there.

i like nontraditional family unit as someone who grew up with both parents, divorced, and then raised by a single mother i have a lot of respect for the nontraditional family unit!! stepdad au is one of part of many of AUs that centered around that lol. i like that katsuki who literally been a bachelor most of his life suddenly stumbled his way into like a family and now he's juggling parenthood to these small tyrants and HE'S TRYING HIS BEST.

i think i talked about this before how im not a big fan of kidfics bc they dont really have much of personality and that they're more used as a tool to get the couple together rather their own char arc so for me it was really important that each of the numbers had a very distinct characteristics that you can pick them apart among the crowd. i wanted each kid bounce off e/o bc hey they're siblings should act like ones and have a storyline outside of bkdk's love story. so theres a lot of focus on the kids as much as bkdk's storyline bc izuku (and now katsuki also) world revolves around them. izuku put away his mate/husband to SAVE HIS KIDS!!

heroes comes in all shapes and sizes and not all heroes wear cape, ya know the quote but it's exactly what it is here. izuku's path didn't lead to ofa and becoming a hero but in his own way, even tho it seemingly small in the grand scheme of things, he put everything on the line to get his kids away from their villainous sire so they wont fall on the same dark path as him. he has no quirk and didnt have support from anyone for a long time but he planned this for many years just to finally put his husband away like idk that's fucking stone cold. izuku hid his true intentions and acted the part of the good spouse, the good omega, and kept producing kids and raising them for his mate but he was actually masterminding a plan to bring his husband down and escape with his kids like HE DID THAT!!! ON HIS OWN!!! how could ppl not admire that audacity, that fucking bravery????

even tho izuku did all that, he feels like it wasnt enough bc how long it took the plan to took shape like izuku didn't just come with this plan in a day and execute it within the same week or months. HE PLANNED THIS FOR YEARS AND YEARS and finally he got enough tools in his arsenal to pulled it off (evidences and waiting for his children to be old enough to carry it out). thats pretty badass but izuk doesnt see it that, its the duty of the parents to protect their kids and izuku think he's just doing what he must!!! but even then he wishes he didnt have to wait that long to carry them away from the abuse of their sires but for his plan to work he had to stay lowkey, underestimated, and the good spouse/omega so he had to watched his children suffered but he cant do much against it. it's a hard thing to watch and endure and izuku will always regret how he couldnt do much for them and i think even tho he managed to save his kids and put away his husband, it always live in him how he could HAVE DONE MORE (even tho unlikely). so when katsuki says something about thinking he's doing just fine in his eyes, it's someone ELSE not him that tell him hey, you're not such a terrible parent and izuku's guilt lessen just a lil.

izuku isnt the perfect parent but he's trying and katsuki definitely isnt made for parenting either but he's learning AND TOGETHER they're learning to be what the numbers need and this journey is what tied them together and fall in love even tho katsuki is like half way there already but god, izuku showing him that even with no quirks, izuku can do crazy shits for his children!!!!!!

[luvvsoft]

I hope this message finds you before I do 💌

n e wais, my demands are as follows. (If you don't comply I will leak ur address on this god forsaken app. DONT MAKE ME DO IT u cacaracha de cocina económica)

I DEMAND a fic where reader is older than gojo & he does silly things like:

buy her VERY expensive gifts to earn her love (don't u dare go cheap on me. I wanna see Chanel and all that shit. Everyone knows Gojo is sugar daddy material)

learn what her favorite songs are so he can "unsuspectingly" play them during their car rides.

just basically the shit u be doing for ur men fr (being delusional)

But the catch is reader doesn't see him like that bc he's younger, yet, he keeps doing everything in his power to make her see him in a different light (as in, see him romantically and not just as her "little brother")

make it so fluffy my teeth rot and I have to get them extracted immediately fr

pairing: gojo satoru x reader

contains: tooth rooting fluff, age gap, lots of spoiling, some violence

word count: 2.1k

Sigh.

Gojo was at it again. You could tell as soon as you opened the door to your apartment.

One thing you didn’t expect to see when you got home was Sephora bags on your counter. You should have come to expect it though; that’s just how Gojo was. You show the slightest interest in a product and he immediately buys it, thinking it’ll somehow make you fall in love with him.

Another sigh escaped your lips.

How were you to deal with his non-stop barrage of affection and gifts?

You opted to set your work bag down and instead focused on the multitude of bags in front of you. Slightly peeking into them, you were greeted by Charlotte Tilbury products, specifically the blush you had been talking to Gojo about for weeks. Of course that wasn’t the only thing he bought. Gojo was anything but cheap.

He’d bought you every new cosmetic product in the store. The amount was absolutely ridiculous; there was no way you’d be able to use all of them before they expired.

Your phone ringed in your pocket, prompting you to pick it up. Of course Gojo was calling you after the stunt he pulled.

“What?” you answered.

“What’s with the hostility, sweetheart? I take it you saw the gifts I left you?” You weren’t face to face with the man, but you could vividly imagine the shit-eating grin on his face when he answered.

You leave his words hanging in the air, a deadpan expression on your face from how irritable he was being. The silence was comforting until it was broken by his vexing voice once more.

“Don’t I at least get a thank you?”

“You’re an idiot. Why would you spend so much money on stuff I’ll never get around to using?”

Gojo leaned back on his chair on the other side of the call, kicking his feet up on his desk as he reached out for the framed photograph he had of you. His thumb caressed your cheek — wishing it was the real thing instead.

“Hmm, I dunno,” He murmurs, setting the picture down. “Maybe I want you to use it for our date? If you’ll ever accept to one, that is.”

You rubbed your temples, feeling a headache form. You hung up on him after turning down his date proposal for the thousandth time.

“Stupid Gojo with his stupid schemes,” you whispered. Despite your words, you couldn’t help but let a tiny smile pull at your lips.

“This is stupid,” you said as you got in Gojo’s car.

“Tell that to your broken down car,” said the man who you suspected was behind your slashed tires.

‘It wasn’t him though! he insisted.’ You didn’t trust that. How else would your tires end up slashed while you were in the middle of work?

You turned away from him, sighing and deciding to instead look out the window, “Whatever, just take me home.”

Gojo could tell you were down in the dumps; he knew you had worked hard for that car, and it meant a lot to you, despite the fact that he was willing to buy you another one.

He frowned slightly before turning the radio on and connecting it to his phone.

The sudden noise startled you, “What are you doing?”

As he typed away on his phone, you assumed he was texting a girl, maybe his newest piece. It was typical behavior of someone his age. What you didn’t expect was for your favorite song to come on.

The melody lifted your mood a bit, it was relaxing. You even moved to the music. The lyrics resonated within you, pulling you out of your contemplation.

Gojo smiled at your mood changing — he could bear having to listen to your song choices, but he just couldn’t bear seeing your melancholic face as tears welled up in your starry eyes.

He was glad he had snooped through your spotify now.

Sundays were what you dubbed the “best day of the week.”

You finally had a chance to relax and unload from all your workload. Sundays were days you spent in bed just a little longer, only getting up around 10 am. They were also when you brewed a warm coffee and sat down near a candle while reading your newest favorite book.

Sundays felt homey, something that you didn’t feel throughout the week when you had to wake up early and work long hours.

You hummed as you took a sip of coffe — it was just perfect. Today was perfect: no work to do, no one to bother you, nothing to do.

You thought your day would be peaceful and quiet until you got a knock at the door. Getting up to answer, you already had a slight nklinginkling of who it was. Nevertheless, you found yourself opening the door and of course, it was Gojo Satoru in the flesh.

“Hell—“

You didnt give him a chance to finish and instead slammed the door in his face. ‘Not today,’ you thought as you closed your eyes and wished him being at your doorstep was a hallucination.

Instead of your wish being granted and you ending up drinking your coffee peacefully, you got another knock at the door.

You sighed, “Guess there’s no escaping this.”

Gojo wore a bright, blinding smile as you opened the door, “I knew you wouldn’t leave little old me at the door hanging!”

“Gojo, why are you at my door this early in the morning?”

“It’s,” he paused to take a look at his watch before continuing, “11:34 in the morning. I think I’m late, actually.”

“That doesn’t change anything.”

“Quite the lazy one aren’t you? Anyway, I brought peace offerings,” Gojo said as he held up the bags of takeout, IHop specifically; he knew it was your weakness. “I knew you wouldn’t let me in if I came empty handed.”

You smiled at the sight of food, ignoring how your mouth instantly watered, “Hm, I guess you can come in.” You pushed open your door wider, stepping to the side so he’d walk in.

Gojo donned his signature smile as he strutted into your place like he owned it. Even if he’d been here before, he could never stop admiring the place. It felt like home — a home he wished he shared with you.

“Don’t go snooping through my things again. I know you were looking for my family album last time,” you said with a glare as you walked towards the kitchen.

“Can’t a man be curious about his future in-laws?” The white-haired sorcerer sat down the food, quickly distracting you from his comment so you wouldn’t shut down his hopes and dreams. “Tada! I got you your favorite pancakes.”

“Thanks,” you said as you started digging in.

Gojo couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at the way you hungrily wolfed down the pancakes — he almost felt bad for them.

“So, Yaga wants you to go on a mission with the new students.”

You stopped chewing midway at his words and sighed, “Is this why you came? To sweeten me up into accepting?” You muttered with half of your pancake sticking out of your mouth, your words almost incomprehensible to Gojo.

“Come on, do it for me?”

“Yeah, whatever,” you stood up and started walking away, “You can leave now.”

A frown pulled at Gojo’s pink lips, he knew you didn’t like the Jujutsu world and how unfair they were, but with the recent curse activity, he was needed elsewhere and you were the only one who he trusted to go with the students he cherished.

Nanami had already said no. Gojo feared you would too, but you loved the students too much to say no. He almost felt envious of how much you doted on them, wishing it was him instead.

He stood up, walking over to you. He tilted your chin upwards to look at him, even if he knew you didn’t want to. “I know you’re not too fond of our line of work, but you’re the only one I can trust.”

You had no choice but to look into his perfectly crafted blue eyes, how they were slowly but surely becoming your weakness. Stupid Gojo with his stupid pretty eyes and his stupid honey words.

Your resolve melted away almost instantly. “Fine.” You pulled away, “Just send over the details for the mission.”

You knew the mission was happening soon, just not this soon.

‘Curse you, Gojo,’ you thought as you looked at your text messages with him.

Pain in my ass: Just hang on, it’ll only be for a few hours >:)

He messaged you, while surely spending an absurd amount of money on sweets on the other side of the world.

“Should we be concerned for Gojo-sensei? She looks like she’s about to kill someone,” Yuji whispered to Megumi and Nobara.

He wasn’t joking. There was a deep scowl on your face while your eyes twitched at every message you got. Your pink nails dug into your palms as you got angrier and angrier. There was no doubt in Yuji’s mind that Gojo wouldn’t make it out alive when he came back.

“He brought it on himself, idiot,” Megumi said, snapping Yuji out of his thoughts.

“How?” Yuji responded.

“Gojo-sensei knows this is her only day off and specifically told us we should do this today without fail, probably just to piss her off more.”

“Hmph, Gojo has no respect for a lady’s personal time,” Nobara butted in, crossing her arms.

“Let’s go.” You had finally stopped fuming at your phone angrily.

The mission was actually quite simple — something Gojo neglected to tell you. All you had to do was watch over his students as they attempted to exorcize a curse, a test made to see if their abilities were up to par.

You could breathe a sigh of relief when they told you that. At least you wouldn’t have to use your cursed energy.

Well, you lied.

As it turns out, nobody bothered to check the curse’s grade (or the higher ups neglected to do so in order to get rid of Yuji). You were told it was a grade 3, something simple that the teenagers could handle. Now, the curse was a grade 1 that easily beat Yuji, Nobara and Megumi up.

Sigh.

You would definitely make Gojo pay for this, especially on your off day.

“Of course I have to clean up Gojo’s mess now.”

The curse easily towered over you, reaching at least 7 feet in height. It wasn’t humanoid like the other curses Gojo had encountered then told you about, though, instead, it donned a traditional Japanese yukata with the lower half of an octopus and a human torso accompanied by an ox head. Quite terrifying in your opinion — if you were a normal person, that is.

“You got this, sensei!” shouted Yuji who sat by a wall.

“Well, I’ve got students watching. Don’t disappoint me, little octopus.”

Disappoint you it didn’t. As a matter of fact, it left you stunned with its speed. It was faster than you, managing to land a strike near your ribs. That ought to cost you a pretty penny in the hospital later.

“Ohoho, I see a little octopus curse has already bruised up that pretty face of yours.”

There was that irritating voice of Gojo’s, narrating the battle as if he was actively fighting it and not you. Of course he’d come in right at the moment when you’re losing. You’d only managed to keep the curse’s limbs restricted with vines, but beyond that you couldn’t do anything. That was the curse of being a grade 3 sorcerer.

“Shut up and come help me, idiot!”

“Nah, I like seeing you put in the effort,” Gojo said as he stood around. You could see the bag of mochi he was holding, offering some to your students as a way of showing his unbothered nature by the situation.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “You’re paying my hospital bill after this.”

“Say please.”

“YOU WANT ME TO BEG YOU TO HELP??” Disbelief coursed through your veins and was as clear as day on your face. There was no way you’d plead Gojo for help.

Well, yes there was.

“Please.”

You had no strength left to deal with a curse of that level; Gojo was now your only option. You knew how to pick your battles, after all (or so you’d like to think).

“Now, in exchange for a kiss on the cheek, I’ll definitely help.”

He had to be joking — there was absolutely no way that would be happening.

He wasn’t joking.

“You’re an idiot,” you whispered in Gojo’s ear as you pressed your lips to his cheek, sealing your fate.

“I can die happy now,” Gojo said as he made a stupidly in love face.

“CAN’T YOU TAKE CARE OF THE CURSE FIRST?!?”

[thomaslefteyebrow]

when your fantasies

become your legacy,

promise me a place

in your house of memories.

south dakota is colder than you had expected.

after killing a celestial, the remaining eternals had returned to ajak’s homestead to recover and make a plan for what comes next. two weeks had passed before you could fully process it all and today was the big day.

today is the day that thena, makkari, and druig are going to get on the domo and leave in search of other eternals.

the wisps of fog swirl in front of your face as you sigh heavily at the thought and lift the bottle of whiskey to your lips. the sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon and dread creeps into your bones more and more.

“bit early to be drinking, don’t ye think?”

he laughs and shakes his head, the tips of his ears tinged pink. the sunrise is reflected in his blue eyes and you don’t bother fighting the urge to take another sip before mumbling, “besides, i’m really good at collecting bad habits these days.”

druig arches his eyebrows and leans closer, his body heat chasing away the cold morning air. his accent is something that you had been waiting to hear again for years and you still can’t get enough of it now as he hums, “and what bad habits have you found now, princess?”

scoffing a laugh, you force yourself to break eye contact and your chest tightens at how much the sun has already risen. words fall from your lips freely and you don’t let yourself question why.

scoffing a laugh, you force yourself to break eye contact and your chest tightens at how much the sun has already risen. words fall from your lips freely and you don’t let yourself question why.

scoffing a laugh, you force yourself to break eye contact and your chest tightens at how much the sun has already risen. words fall from your lips freely and you don’t let yourself question why.

“i like watching shitty reality tv shows. i’ve spent the last few years drinking a lot of tea. i say sorry too much and don’t forgive people as much as i should. i look for pieces of you in every stranger i meet.”

your voice was barely a whisper by the time you reached the end of your ramble, but druig heard it all. he had spent centuries replaying the memory of your voice too much for him to not have heard it.

the two of you had always been a package deal. the best friends that always appeared to be more, but never were. always together and joking and scheming quietly in the background until the eternals broke apart. as time went on, neither ever had the courage to reunite and so you had spent centuries alone and looking to replace what you had lost.

the silence and understanding of what could’ve been weighs on both of you for a moment. druig extends his hand and you wordlessly pass the bottle to him. he takes a swig before grimacing at the taste.

you stare down at your hands now that you have nothing to fiddle with. before you can talk yourself out of it, you finally spit out the question that had haunted you for centuries.

“do you think we would have been together if the group had never split up?”

the air is bitterly cold now and it feels like you’re choking on it as you wait for his reaction. druig simply raises his eyebrows and lowers his head as he shrugs, “i dont know, love. we had five thousand years and we never took that chance.”

the catch in his voice at the pet name tells you everything that you needed to know. your bottom lip quivers and you bite your cheek to maintain your composure, eyes locked on the horizon as you confess, “i felt it, ya know.”

druig’s eyes are focused entirely on you and you can’t tell if you enjoy the burning in your chest from his gaze.

“i felt it back when we were on the domo and you were the first person i saw. i felt it when we would sneak out of parties and go on walks. i felt it every time you looked at me and smiled… i feel it now, dru.”

the sigh you let out takes weight off of your shoulders that you thought you would carry for the rest of your life.

his hand rests on your cheek and he pulls you to face him, but your eyes are closed. his voice shakes as he mumbles, “love, look at me. please.”

the memories are flooding back and tears are running down your face as fast as your time with him is running out.

his head rests against yours and your voice is a strangled whimper as you cry, “don’t forget me when you leave. you have to promise that.”

druig’s hands are now holding your chin delicately and his thumbs are wiping the tears as fast as they fall. he waits until you open your eyes before he shakes his head.

“i’m not leaving you, y/n.”

“druig, you have a mission-“

his grip tightens on you as he pulls you impossibly closer. you can feel the ghost of his lips on yours and his breath fans across your face as he cuts you off, “i have waited for centuries to hear those words from you and i’m not leaving now that i know that you feel it too.”

his words calm your racing heart, but it doesn’t stop the thoughts running through your mind. you can distantly hear some noises in the house as the others begin to wake up.

leaning back, losing his warmth and soft touch, your lips are pulled in a frown as you remind him, “druig, we’ve run out of time.”

you move to stand up, but his grip on your wrist causes you to freeze. his eyes are lit up in panic and you can’t remember the last time you had ever seen him look this scared. even when he was preparing to control the mind of a celestial, he had remained coolly unbothered.

now, his hand is shaking as he holds onto you tightly, the desperation in his tone hits your heart as he begs.

“no, love. maybe we didn’t make it this lifetime, but that won’t stop me. come with me to other universes. we will begin again and i’ll do it right this time. i’ll dance with you at every shitty party you drag me to and i’ll hold your hand when we go on walks and i’ll love you and tell you how much more i’ve fallen in love every day. but don’t give up and force us to just become a memory.”

druig's eyes shine at you and you remember how long you've spent waiting for this moment. you think of the nights that you would watch him from across the table as you ate dinner, laughing at how he rolled his eyes any time ikaris spoke. you replay the times he would find you after each battle to inspect you for wounds that ajak may have missed. centuries of quiet love from a distance flash through your mind and you barely feel present when you whisper.

"take me to new universes and kiss me like we'll never have another chance, dru."

moodboard masterlist

[hemmingsbirdy]

My favorite moments in The Queen of Nothing

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS

When Jude sees Taryn and she gets mad, saying she’s gonna kick her out and Taryn is like, “This is Vivi’s apartment.” And Heather is like, “Um, this is MY apartment” (P36)

When Taryn tells Jude that Locke is dead because she killed him like hell yeah girl (P38)

“Greetings, Your Majesty, you betraying toad” (P56)

The fact that Cardan knew immediately that it was Jude pretending to be Taryn when she says that she loved Locke he says, “Sometimes I believed that you did, yes” (P63)

“Jude never loved Locke. She loved someone else. He’s the one she’s want dead” (P64)

Cardan telling Jude he knew it was her from the start. I honestly feel like he was determined to never make that mistake again after Taryn deceived him in the last book. (P69)

When Cardan and The Roach went to save Jude(P119)

Cardan going to talk to Vivi after Jude left the palace and he saw Taryn there, “We all had a lot to say to each other” 😂 (P120)

“I still promise to run, tail between my legs. And since I have a tail, that should be amusing for everyone.” (P123)

Jude manifesting powers to heal her wound when Madoc nearly kills her (P136)

When Jude falls off the rafter and everyone wants to send her away and Cardan is all like, “DONT TOUCH MY WIFE” (P147)

Cardan saying he was terrified for Jude when she fell (P159)

JUDE SLAPPING CARDAN (P161)

The Bomb coming in to take Jude’s stitches out and she tells Cardan to leave. “This is my room. And that’s my wife” “so you keep telling everyone” (P166)

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe he’d like to hear me scream” and then Cardan nonchalantly saying, “I would, and perhaps one day I will” EXCUSE ME?! YOU SAID WHAT SIR?? (P166)

“Because, my lady, I will always be a challenge” You TELL HER (P172)

Cardan threatening Randalin and then turns to Jude like, “Oh yeah, Grima Mog brought you soup 🥰” (P192)

“Mock me all you like. Whatever I imagined then, now it is I who would beg and grovel for a kind word from your lips.” 🥺 “BY YOU, I AM FOREVER UNDONE” I honestly can’t with this dude. (P203)

“My sweet nemesis, how glad I am that you returned” (P204)

Cardan just declaring his love in the most beautiful way EVER and walking away like, “You probably guessed as much, but just in case you didn’t” (P209)

Cardan as a serpent going crazy on everyone else but as soon as Jude is near him, he just lets her be there (P234)

Okay but Nicasia telling Jude that Cardan was the one who sent her the amazing gown for the coronation (in the first book) and the reason that Balekin’s human servants went missing was because Cardan would take them back to the mortal world 🥺 (P268)

Jude literally crying, saying she will do whatever it takes to bring Cardan back (P269)

Cardan coming back from being a serpent and they both just hug each other so tight (P282)

Cardan using his powers to not only fix the throne, but also give Jude one as well and turning to her like a happy puppy (P284)

Jude finally telling Cardan she loves him and he just goes, “I have asked you to lie to me in the past, in this very room, but I would beg you not to lie now” (P291)

“I knew little else, but I always knew you” Cardan can you PLEASE (P292)

The “congratulations, newlyweds!” Banner Vivi got and then even giving them crowns and Cardan makes it a point to slant his to the side and a big ass grin (P305)

To family, and faerieland, and pizza, and stories, and new beginning, and scheming great schemes” 🥰 (P305)