#drunk skunk lore

[drunkenskunk]

I'm gonna infodump about one of my OCs, and nobody can stop me!

There's a character of mine that I have very occasionally posted about here: Tuera Ashama. And I think... I should probably explain what she's all about. Especially since I commissioned artwork of her a while back from the two most amazing people in the world.

(Animation by @b0tster)

(Artwork by @pommycore)

Tuera is a character that has existed in my head for a very... very long time. And I keep forgetting that a lot of the places where I used to talk about her kind of... don't... exist anymore? So whenever I start to talk about Tuera, nobody has any idea who the fuck she is or what the fuck I'm talking about.

Fuck, I'm old.

So who the hell is Tuera Ashama, anyway?

I suppose if I wanted to be boring, I could just repost those redacted documents I made for that project thing I'm working on for my own amusement, and call it a day.

But this doesn't really tell anyone who the fuck she is, especially with so much covered in all that black ink. This is just a fictional document created by a fictional government agency of fictional multiverse space cop assholes. And starting with this document is really getting ahead of myself, in more ways than one.

Tuera has a very specific origin, and I want to apologize for the jumpscare that's about to happen:

Yeah.

Tuera was originally a warlock alt of mine in World of Warcraft, from when I played the game all the way back in fucking high school.

To the best of my recollection, I probably came up with her sometime before April 2006. And I only know that because of the metadata from a scanned image that I somehow managed to save from back then:

Tuera was originally meant to be nothing more than a villain for my main on that account, a human rogue named Sheason. She was literally supposed to be a "villain of the week" for the RP guild I was in at the time. Because that's the kind of nerd I was back in high school: the kind of idiot who played Warcraft III for the story and bought the officially licensed d20 Warcraft ttrpg before World of Warcraft was even a thing. I was there day fucking one for WoW, playing on Shadow Council, a fucking RP server.

She didn't really have much of a personality when I first came up with her, beyond existing as a literal foil for Sheason. He was a dude; she was a girl. He was a relatively grounded spy with no magic; she was a half-demon warlock. He was a bitter and reluctant hero who tried to fix things from the shadows; she was a Card Carrying Villain, and a narcissist who loved the spotlight and committed crimes in full view of everyone. He was always flying by the seat of his pants, and trusting his gut instincts more often than not; she had plans within plans within plans, and considered herself a mad genius who studied magic like others studied science. He just wanted to survive; she had an insatiable lust for power.

Even when she became a more reoccurring problem and I started slowly fleshing out the character, her vibe was very firmly entrenched in the territory of Supervillain, because that's all she really needed to be, especially because every time she died (and she's died A LOT), she'd come back stronger.

If you want an idea of what she was like at her peak of Full Supervillain Mode, imagine a cross between Thanos, Blofeld, the Phoenix Force, and Pisha.

From Thanos: the megalomania, the ego, the love of monologuing, and the mad genius. From Blofeld: the seemingly inexhaustible resources to construct elaborate supervillain lairs in increasingly absurd locales (she even have a volcano lair at one point). From the Phoenix Force: tremendous and terrifying cosmic power capable of shattering reality. And from Pisha, the nagaraja vampire from Bloodlines: an abyss of time behind her eyes, a collector of powerful and strange occult artifacts, and an existence beyond petty morality, being shunned by mortal and her own kin alike.

I mean, you could probably swap Thanos with Doctor Doom and lose nothing, because her most defining feature was her uncanny ability to cheat death with a variety of methods. But that's just quibbling over semantics, especially since they both did the "Doombot" thing.

The only reason I chose Thanos instead of Doom is because one of her biggest fortresses was in space, and Thanos is a far more cosmic adversary than Doom.

Thing is, the more I wrote about Tuera, the more fascinated I became with her as a character. The more depth I wanted to give her, outside of being just a cardboard cutout of a villain. I started to flesh out her backstory more. She was originally a half-succubus, because of course she fucking was, I was a desperately horny high schooler. But this is also where things get slightly interesting.

Fun fact! I realized that Tuera was trans LONG before I realized that I was. And, with the benefit of hindsight, it really does feel like my subconscious was desperately screaming at me to figure this out. It's almost funny, because I originally justified it to myself by being like "oh, I'm just filling in a plot hole, this doesn't have any deeper meanings that I should maybe examine."

See, I did eventually realize that she shouldn't have been the result of her father fucking a demon, that's just stupid and immature. No, it was a much better idea to have her be "designed" and "grown" instead of being born. Her "father," Venthrax, was an evil genius with designs on universal conquest, and would've created her to be a living weapon of that conquest. Except... why would he make her a girl? He'd be shoving her full of different genetics and demon blood and alien anatomy, but the base he'd be working with would naturally be a clone of himself, wouldn't it? Venthrax is a fucking asshole who obviously believes that he was the perfect organism, so he'd want his living weapon to be a copy of himself, but Better.

And Tuera didn't agree with that assessment. For more information, please read this:

Even funnier, at least to me: it was around that time that one of her abilities changed that further cemented the whole "you're definitely trans, dipshit" thing that I wouldn't realize until years later. Because at first, being "half-succubus," she was meant to be a prolific and skilled shapeshifter. But after I changed her backstory, the shapeshifting was slowly but eventually dropped in favor of her making portals and using teleportation spells. This is funny to me, because many, MANY years later, I'd come across this tweet:

The moment I saw that, I was just like "...yeah, that tracks."

Speaking of the teleportation, that's another thing that changed. Long before I finally realized Blizzard games aren't actually written well at all, causing me to lose all my interest in WoW, and long before I swore off Activision Blizzard King games entirely after Black February, Tuera just... left Azeroth. I kept writing stories about her hopping around the multiverse, but she was no longer tethered to the worlds of warcrafts.

It was around that time, writing these short little unconnected vignettes about her adventures across time and space, that I realized: she's much more interesting when she's not a supervillain.

Like, don't get me wrong, she's still not really a good person She's still very much selfish, and self-centered with, in her own words: "a casual tolerance for murder to rival even the hardest of hardcore dungeon crawlers," but... I mean, she's just not a dick for no reason anymore, y'know?

It's kinda funny, because she's still doing the same kind of things she used to do, just... for slightly different reasons, and I no longer consider them overtly villainous. For example: one of her first villain plots in the RP guild I was part of involved Tuera starting a cult to try and topple the Stormwind monarchy and take it over for herself. And now... she'd still want to destroy the monarchy, but just not to replace it. It'd be more out of a sense of a "fuck the nobles, death to all tyrants" kind of mindset.

To be honest, I think the main appeal of Tuera as a character for me is that she is more than a little bit of a wish fulfillment power fantasy. She can live unapologetically as herself without worry. She doesn't care about the opinions of anyone but herself. She lives without fear, because everyone who has ever tried to kill her has either failed, or it didn't stick. She's loud, she's brash, she stylish, and she does so many things simply for the aesthetic of it. When she sets her mind to something, she is completely unfettered in the pursuit of her goals, and will never stop. She's defied death, she killed gods, she's visited times and places I can't even imagine.

Tuera has complete autonomy over her own life. True freedom.

And I just... I compare that to my own life. The fact that, while I can admit I'm trans here on the internet, I'm so deathly terrified of trying to transition in real life because of... [vaguely gestures at everything] that I still haven't yet. And, to be honest, I probably won't get the chance before I die.

There is just so much about her that I wish I was.

But I'm not.

Ah well.

At least I can write my silly little stories, scratch out my silly sketches, and occasionally commission fantastic artwork from amazing people.

... wait, I just realized. I spent all this time talking about Tuera, but I still haven't gotten around to explaining what the fuck is up with that fake redacted document from the beginning.

Maybe I'll talk about D.I.C.E. another day.

[itsblasttothepast]

Hey I know this is random af but I just recently found your deep-dive lore of Checo as his fan, if you don't mind me asking is there any deeper relationship between Lewis and Checo as driver since they never really become teammate to begin with? As new checo fans I feel like I missed a lot of his lore

Oh anon, you have no idea what you've done. You opened the door to a rambling from ages ago, so fasten your seatbelt, because it will be a wild ride my friend, as I'm getting into this mode:

Checo and Lewis' story started with the first podium of my adorable Mexican: Malaysia 2012. He was P2, Fernando Alonso won, and Lewis was P3.

Look how happy my boy was, so excited for his first podium, next to the big honcho (Alonso back then). As Checo was just starting in F1, honestly I didn't know much about Lewis before that moment, but he always looked reserved and aloof, too cool for this bunch (nothing against Lewis, I like him, but he gives me that vibe even now).

In the press room, we all noticed Lewis looking at Checo like this, it was like 'what is this guy even doing here, with a SAUBER?' (Sauber was a middle-low table team).

We thought then that we would hate Lewis forever and ever for giving the evil eye to our boy, but to our surprise, they seemed to get along just fine... even more than just fine, if you get my drift.

They always seemed to gossip in the interviews and press conferences, and to be honest, they were fairly touchy feely to each other.

But the year I feel they were the closest, and I can't say if they had something bigger than a friendship because of course we cannot know that, but they were close for sure, maybe good friends, was 2015... oh, 2015...

They shared a few podiums, and they were so smiley and touchy, like in Russia:

Or... the thing that BROKE US back then (and still, honestly), México 2015 Grand Prix... a video of Lewis being a DJ in a club, with Checo next to him.... I'll let the pictures speak for themselves, alrighty?

Happy and relaxed (and Checo was drunk as a skunk. Lewis apparently doesn't drink, or he does not drink excessively, that's why he made a non-alcoholic tequila, a sacrilege for me, as mexican) (also, I must admit that Checo parties hard, making him super idiotic and sleazy. I mean, I love the man, but he has his flaws). Anyways, here's the video if you want to check it out:

Sorry anon, I didn't find it on youtube.

So, naturally, all the fangirls (I'm a girl, BTW, too old for this DTS croud) were making crazy stories about a bromance-romance, that increased because we remembered this tweet:

Roscoe is Lewis' pet, so adorable and famous like his dad. He jumped into Checo's car, and Checo took this picture and tagged Lewis. Something usual between them, tagging each other with things. So as other fans had pointed out, not only Roscoe knew Checo and his car, but felt comfortable enough to jump into it and chill there.

Also, in a team dynamic with Max, Checo remembered the tweet and clarified that Roscoe doesn't travel that far when Max suggested the picture was taken in Australia, and also knows that Roscoe is vegetarian.

This was the moment when we felt like this:

We thought they were going to be the BFF of the F1, they seemed to be chillin' outside the grid and they seemed closer... but then... brocedes happened.

Nico Rosberg and Lewis Hamilton were besties, we all know that (therefore the ship/frienship name). When they became teammates at Mercedes... oh boy, things got ugly. I believe that their friendship being in decline was something that influenced the closeness between Checo and Lewis, but that's just my opinion.

2016 was the year that decided everything. Lewis focused all his energy in beating Britney (sorry, I had to use that nickname at least once, I know Nico hated it, but I couldn't resist), and his friendship/whatever else was going on with Checo faded away.

Nico won the championship (but honestly, it was brutal, it destroyed their friendship), and he retired, and Lewis seemed to regain balance and focus again. But it was never the same with Checo, and if we hoped for something to revive, 2021 ended those dreams, when Checo was brought to RedBull to help Max win the championship, and that meant blocking Lewis path as long as he could. I don't want to enter to the whole 'Lewis was robbed' discussion, but it was a riot.

Additionally, on a side note, Checo also had a good relationship with Nico Rosberg, so it was like he was in the middle of their breakup.

Still, they seem friendly nowadays, Checo keeps making small talk with Lewis, and honestly, and I clarify, IN MY OPINION, Lewis always looks very fond of Checo, and he smiles differently with him. Again, in my delusional opinion.

Like for example:

So, in conclussion anon, even when they WERE close back then, now they seem friendly and fine with each other. When they get together in the interviews, they always gossip and smile, and Canada 2024 gave us little Chewis crumbs (this was the ship name, until Charles Leclerc joined the party and now is also the name of the Charles/Lewis pairing).

Phewww, sorry anon, I know you didn't expected this rambling, but I hope you made it this far and I could answer your question.

And I'm glad to see more Checo fans around here, I was feeling like this all the time.

Oh, and please, pleaseeeee, consider this my take on things, my opinion and fangirl delusions, if you don't agree and you think I'm crazy, that's fair, but no need to be nasty about it or call me names.

Who wants me to ramble about Checo/Nico next? O Checo/Esteban? Ohhh, that would be wild!

[gnashingwailing]

GIRL (gender neutral) HELP NOT THE PEER REVIEWED HOMOPHOBIA

@fireflywritesgt sending u my ch 24/25 thoughts <3

⬆️How Harry looks processing how upset he is that Joe nearly died in a lake while lovingly making him tea for his hangover

Meanwhile, Joe: I hope sober Joe knows how to deal with this Sober Joe:

First off. this is primarily a reflection on Joe & Harry throughout these last two chapters but I would be remiss not to mention how EXTREMELY fed I am by the Gutters lore ... was HE a pet or was it someone he cared for... either way... woof. Plus Calloway coming to Joe's rescue once again... even though there are now rumors and Gutters saw something. In parallel with the marking scene ... this story does such a great job of balancing the horror with the levity. maybe it's for the best Joe isn't telling Harry the particulars of his visiting Calloway's bcuz Harry might just have a heart attack if he stops and thinks through the implications of all this. Wonder if he realizes how much danger he might have put Joe in... he seems to kinda forgor everything else where saving/supporting Joe is concerned (as seen in ch21 when he wanted to bring Joe to see O'Grady...)

(Btw I love the way (sober) Joe will NEVER admit anything re: Harry saving his life lol. “You just threw me into a curtain 🙄“ “I don’t even remember the turtle 🙄”)

“He knew what the medical journals had to say about homosexuals; hell, he had read them! He had to give himself some credit, however. The little bastard had been drunk as a skunk, lying helplessly in his hand, and the worst Harry had done was march him straight upstairs to tuck him into bed. Whatever pathology Harry himself had, it had not gotten the best of him yet.”

GIRL (gn) HELP NOT THE PEER-REVIEWED INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA… The Harry chapters always hit soooo hard for me when you read between the lines of what he’s thinking. He is SUCH a poor little guy… We can see pretty clearly that Harry thinks of his affections as something poisonous but Also apparently as something predatory? “his pathology” “getting the best of him” being like… what? That he’d take advantage of him because he’s attracted to him ? Is that the kind of thing the research said? UGH IT BREAKS MY HEART. I hope he’ll reject his coping mechanism of rationalizing and dissecting everything and just let go and trust Joe to know what he wants! It would be really tragic if Harry tried rejecting Joe much the same way Georgie rejected him :’(

“Harry, though he hated to admit it, was afraid – not of Joe himself, but what Joe represented.” - OUUUUUGHHH THE PARALLELS… the way Joe thought the exact same thing after the night of the thunderstorm… ouuuuughhhhh save meeee...

And the parallels continue in their tendency to self-harm… Joe may be more overt about it (lol if Harry ever learns that Joe has purposefully eaten poisoned chocolate three. times. and fully thought he was doing it a 4th with Harry’s own offering … #girl…) but Harry’s absolute repression of any self-expression or vulnerability is equally a form of self-harm… questioning Joe’s ability to make his own decisions is such a sad expression of how Harry (maybe unconsciously?) views things — safety and staying alive is worth more than authenticity. Maybe he won’t stick Joe in a cage anymore but he still wants to exert control over him — in the relatable way many of us do when we feel like our loved ones are making bad decisions. And Joe is making some of those! But so does everyone! And in Joe’s case the worst of them are likely driven from years of internalized self-loathing and self-neglect !! He would probably chill out if he just had a good man waiting for him at home……. Taking Harry by the shoulders and shaking him. U are both two sides of the same coin

Except

“Unseasoned. The word crept back into Joe’s mind. Calloway had a point, he realized; Harry wasn’t acting all that different from some of the lesser-experienced boys of Joe’s own size that he had toyed with. Surely, though, Harry didn’t find Joe attractive. That would be absurd!” Holy shit this whole chapter is so good but this part is hysterical. 1. TOYED WITH⁉️ 2. Watching Harry’s brain overheat in real time while 3. Joe getting to enjoy flirting shamelessly (clapping and hollering that he got to do that AND got to be sober to remember it) WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY BEING LIKE 🤨 there’s no way he finds me attractive tho. How do they both manage to be such conniving little bastards and also so innocent. So clever and yet soooo dumb. 💕

But even tho he’s somewhat in disbelief about how Harry feels about him, Joe knows himself so very well lmao. At first I thought he was lying about not remembering their conversation but. I don’t think so. Harry telling him he said “something very nice” to him and Joe being like. Was it that you had a nice ass. LIKE HE WAS THIS 🤏 CLOSE TO THE MARK BDDJSHHD but ALSO even just calling Harry handsome made him a blushing mess!! It fascinates me that Harry is so terrified of receiving affection but he felt much more at ease when he was giving it. I mean, he was calling Joe handsome two chapters ago‼️ I think Joe can be forgiven for his romance-novel-brain idealizing Harry as a seductor. It says something interesting about Harry’s character that he’s been so comfortable complimenting Joe until it might lead somewhere … Is that open, easygoing kindness, the sort that compliments other men readily, the ‘real’ Harry? Was Joe seeing his unvarnished personality before it got hidden under the internalized homophobia that has come out in force since ch22? I get the sense Harry is just the sort of guy whose true feelings sometimes spill out of him in a way he is barely cognizant of. We know that’s true for his anger, but I could see that being true for his affection, too. I’m guessing that is why his internal monologue goes “wow! He’s like a movie star :) and he’s so brave and cool and I respect him so much. He looks like a dancer. And his clothes look so good on him. And I notice his haircut and whether he’s getting enough sleep and every scratch and scrape and other intricacy of his appearance immediately. Yeah, I can’t help but love him - you know - like a brother or a friend!!” 👈 UNSEASONED

"“So you admit it. I’m up here because I manipulated you, and not because you manipulated me.” Joe said." — omfg. On the one hand, I love that these two are so good at unhanding each other, and it’s very cute to me that they’ve both at different points felt proud for “catching” one another. On the other hand, Harry & Joe when they are tasked with cultivating a mutually nurturing and vulnerable relationship:

WHAT IF NEITHER OF YOU ARE MANIPULATING THE OTHER AND DOING THIS BECAUSE YOU LIKE ONE ANOTHER AND YOU’RE BOTH CHOOSING THE UNKNOWN. WHAT IF THAT WASNT BEYOND BOTH UR KEN RN. What then. One day they will quit playing Tom and Jerry-esque mind games with each other but not today. I know the rituals are intricate. I know. I know they’re intricate 😔😔😔

On a lighter note so glad to see Joe’s other go-to behavior is back. If he doesn’t wanna Just Walk Out then he wants to Fuck Around & Find Out <3 I luv how compatible the two of them are… Joe is not only moving in he's turning Harry into the u-haul service and Harry is just enamored with him for it. Faithful hunting dog retrieving game indeed. Submissive in the way a livestock guardian dog is submissive to its sheep. 10/10 Joe got his ass so good.

"“I’m sure you[‘ll listen to me]. You have to. If I’m gonna be the tiny, then it means you have to be the giant and do everything I say all the time.” He said." — Hmm. Joe and I have the same g/t fics bookmarked I think 👍 I sort of get the same sense that Harry got when Joe was talking about “luck” — that maybe the idea of “being the tiny” vs “being the giant” has some cultural connotations for him we don’t quite grasp.

OH this reminds me of the question I meant to ask you and promptly forgot about. If miniatures have a taboo against taking things without giving something in return… what does it feel like for Joe when Harry just keeps giving him stuff? Does “paying me in sleep” really work in borrower cultural norms? Hazarding a guess, I’m assuming romantic partners don’t necessarily operate on the same principle of equivalent exchange… given “Joe’s got a rich boyfriend that’s spoiling him” being something Calloway reads as normal/expected … That is to say. Hmm. Is Harry giving Joe all these things something that a romantic suitor would do? 🤔 Harry the unknowing seductor…

Parting thoughts… Miss Wilkins’ dad suddenly came down with tuberculosis, huh. Gang, do we know how Harry’s mom died, other than that it was sudden and traumatic? How do we think Harry is doing re: pushing all his feelings & unprocessed trauma down at this time. 👍/👎?

[highvern]

i promise to stop with the houdini asks but i’m obsessed w those two srry 😭

i can sooo imagine him getting blackout at a bar and when mc comes up he doesn’t recognize her and he’s like “omg no stop talking to me i have a girlfriend she’ll kill you if she sees you talking to me” and she’s standing there like 🧍‍♀️ then promptly leaves him at the bar

-🧘‍♀️

DO NOT APOLOGIZE I LOVE THEM AND CANT WAIT TO GET BACK TO THEM SOON

but also imagine her being like “I am your girlfriend, you idiot” and he’s like “hmmm my gf would never say that. go away temptress!!” and when she leaves the bar he legit calls her and is like “babe you will never believe this: I just met a girl that looked like you, sounded like you, even called herself my gf but I said NO I love my gf you will not seduce me” and she’s like ofc the first time you say ily your drunk as a skunk and goes back to pick him up and he recognizes her that time and gets teary eyed bc he LOVES HIS GF

he’d be such a cute drunk 😔

(btw this is not how they say ily for the first time in their official lore. that is already outlined and half written and i love that chapter hehehe)

[justcaytlin]

Oh yeah, one good thing about moving back to Tumblr is I can chronicle my FFXIV D&D group much easier!

I'm DMing a campaign where I run my friends through the ARR story (and eventually the rest of MSQ, but one bite at a time, eh?) and we've just started.

Prior to the campaign, I put together a 123-page PDF player's guide for them, as they are unfamiliar with Final Fantasy in general and also to convert lore into D&D mechanics. Rather than taking the homebrew route of creating all the jobs/classes from whole cloth, we converted existing D&D classes into FFXIV flavor.

The PDF also contains custom backgrounds, "This Is Your Life" from Xanathar's Guide but Eorzea-ized, and of course races (tweaked from someone else's homebrew, which is linked in the document).

Of course the PDF is already out of date because that's how these things go, but it's still, like, 99% good.

June was a feverish month of creation LOL

Anyway, here's our intrepid party:

Maeda Matsu (Matsu is her given name) is our Au Ra White Mage (Druid of Stars 2/Cleric of Life X, a Hydaelyn cleric). Barry Spalding (Barius) is our Garlean Gunbreaker (Artificer Armorer). And Sayonji Himemiya is our Red Mage (Wizard Bladesinger).

The First Rising

The first two sessions, I wanted to introduce them to the setting, its characters, its story, etc, and also help them kind of get a feel for their party dynamic. So I set it during the very first annual Rising Festival after the Calamity. For funsies, I decided it would be held at the Gold Saucer, because of course Godbert would hold the first Rising Festival in an attempt to reunify people and bring joy to those who were hurting.

I played the ARR trailer video up until the end of the Calamity, narrating over it and what was happening so they could get the emotional enormity of what had happened.

Then I spent time with each character, doing some story RP with them that explained their normal circumstances and how they got to the festival. Matsu's flighty, flaky mom wanted to take her to the cool new festival. Matsu's a Sharlayan Scholar, and Krile is her mentor, so I had Krile give her a Twilight Sparkle-esque assignment: go have fun and make some friends.

Barry was tagging along to his brother's friend's bachelor party, which was a dumbass stunt of "tee hee let's sneak into savage Eorzea in disguise and have our party at their casino!" They basically brought Barry along because he's sorta always the hanger-on, and his brother Nero thought it would be hilarious to get his baby brother drunk as a skunk in Eorzea. Shortly after arriving, they basically abandoned him to go have fun themselves.

Sayonji is a neglected lil baby whose mother was one of the Company of Heroes, but vanished when he was a child. His father then vanished with the other Warriors of Light during the Calamity. He puts on airs of arrogance and being full of himself to hide his hurt. A traveling bard, Temur Himemiya, came to his town of Summerford to talk about the Rising Festival. Sayonji fell *instantly* in love (hence, taking on the bard's last name) and declared right then and there he'd be an adventurer too. He went to the festival riding high on being ~in love~.

He was 15.

How It Went

They met and had a blast doing a bunch of party games. They competed against Yda and Papalymo in the obstacle course up Mount Corel, doing the limit break mechanic to launch Sayonji to the finish line.

They had an astrologian read their fortunes using the Tarokka deck (especially since my husband had already coded up a really cool tarokka reading table). Barry is 100% sure it's fluff and nonsense because lol being in the middle of a corrupt regime??? what lol??? He's a soft baby boy.

Sayonji started to cotton on that Barry might be a Garlean. Most especially because he was weirdly neurotic about keeping his dumb pirate bandanna on over his forehead.

They made contact with a pair of extremely arrogant 11 year old Sharlayan twins whom Matsu had seen around the Studium.

Suddenly, a *tower of light* appeared in Event Square and Godbert made a big show of it, like, OH NO, HEROES, WHAT DO WE DOOOOO, GATHER IN PARTIES OF NO MORE OR LESS THAN FIVE PEOPLE PLEASE THANK YOU

They nabbed Alphinaud and Alisaie as their fourth and fifth (the twins had been arguing with Godbert that they should be allowed to run the tower on their own because they were PRODIGIES) and entered.

The whole tower was an exercise in getting to know your party:

A philosophical discussion with a couple of moogles about what to do if you find a Garlean baby in a camp after you've killed all the soldiers. (Party was solidly in the Don't Kill the Baby camp) The only goal here was to come to a party consensus.

A room where a freaky candy was created to represent each person's deepest fears. You had to eat someone else's candy and be in their shoes for a little Echo scene. Note, they had to attune to a crystal, and Barry could not. He was trying and panicking, and Godbert basically was like "Oh oops it must be on the fritz :D" and had it generate an appropriate chocolate. Matsu learned that Barry is a Garlean, and both Matsu and Sayonji came to the conclusion that he is a soft sweet boy and not a spy, and also he has a shitty family.

A room where you had to speak out loud your worst flaw, and someone else had to talk about how they'd be able to compensate for that flaw. Heroes should be able to lift each other up! Speaking your flaw would summon a platform that would help build a bridge across a chasm, and having it compensated for would stabilize it enough to be able to stand on it.

At this point, both Alisaie and Sayonji were commiserating on "WHAT IS THIS UNAGREED UPON GROUP THERAPY BULLSHIT"

Final room was a fight against Mama Moogle (fat moogle) and her moogley minions. Lots of goofy combat, and they knocked Mama Moogle so hard she quit early.

They got lil plastic medals that, when pressed, would do the tinny victory theme. They say "I survived the Tower of Light at the first annual Rising Festival!" on them. Super gaudy.

Everyone parted ways a bit sadly, assuming they'd never see each other again. Matsu gave Barry a lil kiss in hopes of impressing his jackass brother and friends.

And Then The Call

Last session, I had another round of "here's what you've been doing ever since that day." Matsu had realized her mother was a flake when her mom casually dropped that Matsu was a foundling and didn't seem to get that this was Big News to her. Sayonji had been adventuring, and by adventuring, I mean being a gal friday for Bentbranch. Barry was busy trying to experiment on solidifying the gunblade and the art of gunbreaking.

Matsu was in the middle of discussing with her father and Krile about trying to become a cleric of Hydaelyn, and then breaking the news that she knew about her birth, when her vision blurred and she blacked out.

Sayonji ran into Temur again, was horribly embarrassed that he hadn't done hardly enough, Temur composed a little ditty on the spot about him helping little old ladies, and Sayonji blacked out.

Barry was walking through Ala Mhigo with his brother when Nero got into a spat with a little girl and her mother, and when the girl attacked him, Nero reacted without thinking and went to rifle-butt-smack her in the face. Barry intervened and blacked out.

They all had a joint vision of themselves in a floating void -- the others were glowing light figures, like the Warriors of Light -- and they got to see themselves as max level as a lil glowing light did the Hear, Feel, Think shtick.

Then they saw the glowing orb start to bleed black mist and shrivel, and an Ascian appeared, picked up the orb, and crumpled it in his fist. Then he shot away, and the three of them were able to give chase and limit break him into non-existence.

When they woke up, they all basically got lil scenes that got them to a boat. Barry asked his brother to cover for him while he went "field testing" and Nero took this to mean he wanted to basically do Garlean Rumspringa and also probably do some casual murdering of Eorzean soldiers, which is a-okay in his book. Nero gave him the thumbsup. Krile was excited about the vision, and Matsu's dad was worried. They urged her to start adventuring, and Krile offered to put in an appointment with Baderon at the Adventurer's Guild in Limsa. Sayonji told Temur about his vision and got a lil ditty in compensation.

It's worth noting right about now that I've been making quest plates for them, so they can keep track of the long-term questions.

Anyway, they all got on their boats. Sayonji and Barry had about a month on the boat together to catch up (Barry was a stowaway). They met Matsu in the Cieldalaes, where Limsa customs is presently, since the Yellowjackets are buttoning up everything in response to a spate of kidnappings.

They met Brennan, the friendly peddler, who chatted with them and asked them why they were adventuring and whatnot.

THEN PIRATES ATTACKED, and we stopped for the day.

Whew

Most of these writeups won't be this long, since they won't encompass THREE SESSIONS plus setup, but at least I have something I can point to now lol

[williamsockner]

SPN S3E8 “A Very Supernatural Christmas”

Take a shot for every “I did a little digging” or “I just don’t know if this is our gig” on this show.

Dean: We had a great childhood! Sam:

Oh no they’re going to beat up an innocent Santa.

Dean: We had a mostly great childhood! Sam:

The boys lucked out hard on accidentally breaking in on a Santa who was drunk as a skunk and slugging on a bong the size of a lightpost.

Evil Santa looks so sticky.

Dean, you deal with pagan lore all the time, how is this the first time you’ve heard that a lot of Christmas traditions are repurposed pagan lore? And how does it shock you when Sam, who has to deep-dive into researching pagan lore because you can’t be bothered to at least seven or eight times a season, knows this? Do you even realize what show you’re in?

Gee, Sam, how are you shocked that your brother, whose only mode of coping with things is to self-destruct or noisily, trashily distract himself, wants a big holiday party before he kicks the bucket?

Dean Winchester, age 10, calmly cracking open a beer before talking about how his dad is the greatest guy ever.

Dean: We had a childhood! Sam:

Evil person offers candy, Dean immediately reaches out to stuff his face because he has what medical professionals call “marginal insight, partial judgment and limited impulse control”.

Dean: Childhoods exist! Sam: There we go.

LET DEAN SAY FUCK

Boys, you gonna clean up that murder? You’ve got fingerprints and your blood and Sam’s fingernail all over the place.

Dean Winchester, age 10, pulling an It’s Always Sunny and stealing Christmas presents from another family to regift.

I’m such a sucker for Christmas episodes, this ending gets me in the heart.

[stenbrozier]

Adult!Richie Tozier x Reader (Headcanons)

*Note: I have NEVER written for Richie before and don’t see a lot written for him so I’m gonna change that cause I love Richie more than anything 💗 (This from when Richie leaves Derry at 17 to him going back at 40)*

SPOILERS FOR IT CHAPTER 2 !!!!!

~ When you first met Richie, it was right after he moved to Hollywood from Derry.

~ He was auditioning for everything comedy, whether it be SNL or just as a regular act at a nightclub, which is where you found him.

~ You were a bartender at this rinkie-dink club on the outskirts of Hollywood that he had landed an act at, and when he walked on stage for the first time, his curly black hair caught your attention, along with his personality.

~ The way he lit up the stage and the audience made your stomach do flips, and when he saw you looking at him for the first time, you could see the light blush on his cheeks from about 50 feet away.

~ After his act, he came over and sat at the bar, winking at you before being bombarded by the smaller talent scouts that floated around. He gave them all his number before he turned to you, holding out his hand.

~ You took his hand and he kissed it. “I’m Richie, Richie Tozier.” You laughed at the cocky energy he gave off, but then you stopped when you saw the tiny little smile that came over his face.

~ “(Y/N),” you replied as you went and took the orders of a couple people that walked up. You went back to him when you fulfilled them, grabbing his hand again. “What nights do you perform?”

~ He shrugged. “Tell me your schedule and I’ll follow it.” Richie smirked and you just rolled your eyes.

~ When you were closing up, Richie offered to help and then walk you home, and when you told him no he said “come on I work here too”

~ While he walked you home, he would grab your hand and hold you close, shielding you from the cold winds.

~ “You wanna come inside? Have a drink?” He nodded eagerly, following you inside and sitting on your couch waiting for you. You brought him a beer and put on a random show, wanting to know more about him.

~ “Well, my hometown fucking sucks. I lost all of my friends at 14, so that’s the only reason I really moved out here.”

~ “Well, now you’ve made a new friend at 22.” You grabbed his hand, and he kissed your forehead, making you blush. “D-do you wanna stay the night? I don’t have to be at work tomorrow until 1 and I was thinking about maybe sleeping in. You can leave whenever you want of course I just...”

- Richie cut you off my kissing you, making your heart beat even faster than it was. When he pulled away, he pushed your hair out of your face. “I would love to.”

~ So that night you guys cuddled on the couch, getting to know each other more than you had ever gotten to know someone else.

~ Most nights after that were spent watching movies or reading or just being there together.

~ Midday dance parties in your underwear while you made breakfast when you were supposed to be making lunch.

~ “Richie, close the curtains.” “Who’s gonna see how sexy you are when we’re on the first floor? Plus, I like the way the sun lightens up your face.”

~ Fast forward a bit and you were now living in the heart of Los Angeles, your boyfriend of 3 years being one of the main comedians at the biggest nightclub on the West Coast.

~ He would be working till 1am and then would come home to lay in bed with you and cuddle, talk about his set, or just simply fall asleep in your arms.

~ You had quit the old bartender gig once Richie got hired, but you did work a babysitting business on the side, just so you weren’t sitting at home by yourself all day. One day, Richie came home from an interview and you were watching a couple kids, handling everything that was thrown at you with ease. One of them was throwing up and the other throwing a temper tantrum but you kept your cool and just handled it. That’s when Richie knew he wanted to start thinking about kids, but first, he knew he wanted to ask you to marry him.

~ He knew about your commitment issues and how worried about ending up like your parents: two drunk skunks who didn’t love each other and just decided to stay together for you when it would’ve been better if they just broke up.

~ When he asked you to marry him, you could tell he was nervous because his personality did a complete 180 flip.

~ You said yes, obviously.

~ You guys got married in Tennessee, where you were originally from, and it was the first time any of your family had seen you so happy.

~ Your neice fell in love with him and was with him the entire reception. She cried when she left and couldn’t be with Richie anymore.

~ Your first dance was to “No Diggity” and it was no surprise to anyone.

~ When you guys got back to California, you tried having kids immediately. Richie wanted one so bad and you weren’t opposed to the idea at all.

~ Your mom made you a picture frame that said “(Y/N) and Richie Tozier, 1999” and you use it for a picture of you two when you first started dating.

~ It took you about 4 months to get pregnant and when Richie found out, he cried for a good 45 minutes. He would soon make fun of himself for that during his show.

~ When you were about 6 months pregnant, Richie got offered to do a tour of the United States, and he wanted to do it but didn’t want to miss the baby growing up. That was the point where you realized how truly important you were to him.

~ When you had the baby, Richie cried when he found out it was a little girl. Her name was Merin Rose Tozier.

~ He was so involved in Merin’s life. He did whatever he could to make sure she never cried, which basically meant holding her at all times.

~ When Richie went back to doing shows, you two were at every one. Richie always made it a point to make jokes about you, immediately followed by “She’s gonna kill me for these jokes. I love you, baby.”

~ Merin’s first birthday was just you three so you decided it would be the perfect time to announce that you were pregnant again.

~ Once again, emotional Richie.

~ This time, though, your pregnancy was a lot lore difficult. You had morning sickness for the first 4 months, and then you were diagnosed with the flu. While in the hospital, Richie and Merin sat with you, taking turns nodding off.

~ Being released a few days later, Richie insisting you still take it easy. So you weren’t allowed to get out of bed for an extra week, which made you roll your eyes.

~ When your water broke, Richie was in the middle of an act and you were rushed to the hospital, and you called Richie about seven times until someone answered and it wasn’t even him.

~ “So, uh, I was thinking...” Richie was interrupted by the intern that picked up his phone running out onto stage, whispering into Richie’s ear. “My wife’s in labor, sorry. G-get refunds or something.” He was being booed, but all he could think about was his family growing.

~ You were the one to name your daughter this time: Evangelina Lee Tozier. Richie just held her and looked up at you and Merin admiringly, loving his three girls more than he could ever love anyone else.

~ You guys got a dog when Evangelina was about 2, a big Saint Bernard, and Evangelina didn’t know what to do, which resulted in many cute videos of her trying to pick him up as a toddler.

~ You didn’t know about IT until Richie had a nightmare about him and explained their encounter to you, but he couldn’t remember who he was with, which was a bit weird.

~ Staying up late with Richie to either watch a movie or just simply make out until one of the girls woke up.

~ When the girls both were in school, you started up your babysitting business again, this time only taking on about two kids a day so you didn’t have too many kids to watch when Evie and Mer came home.

~ Richie helping out by getting the girls on his way home from his writing sessions.

~ When Evie turned 5, you guys’ celebrated by taking them back to Tennessee, it being the first time any of your family was going to meet the girls in person.

~ They loved it so much that you and Richie made the decision to move out closer to Nashville, where he could get work.

~ Bolton, your Saint Bernard, was found out to have cancer on yours and Richie’s 10 year anniversary and it made you cry big time.

~ But Richie stayed strong and held you and the girls and Bolton, knowing that his family would soon grow smaller, much to his dismay.

~ When Bolton passed about three months later , you and Richie both struggled so you decided to get another dog after a couple of months without one, this time a puppy.

~ The girls didn’t know they were getting one, so you surprised them on Christmas with a small golden retriever, who was lovingly named Pudge, cause of how chubby she was.

~ For a few years, your life was perfect. There were no troubles, your kids were healthy, the dog was healthy, but something completely unexpected and big happened.

~ Richie got a call from Derry. You got a call from his agent saying that something was up, that he threw up after a random phone call. You took the girls down to the arena, checking in on him. The only words he got out to you were “IT’s back” before he was on stage.

~ You insisted you all go as a family, leav Pudge with your mom and dad. Richie argued and argued, until you got your way, like usual. You packed the girls up, hopping in the car and waited for him.

~ His hands shook as you all made the drive up, your keeping your hand on his lap the whole 21 hour drive, reminding him to breathe.

~ Your first reaction to the town was how rundown it was, how in shambles it had become. Richie pulled into the parking lot of a small inn, taking all of your things inside before sitting your daughters on the bed in the room.

~ “You stick with Mommy or me, do you understand? You can NOT go anywhere by yourself. Hell, go with one of my friends if you can’t find either of us. But you have to be with an adult at ALL times, okay?” The girls nodded, but you knew on the inside they were very scared.

~ When you guys got to the Chinese restaurant, Richie took a breath, leading you all inside. Richie walked in to the small seating area for him and his friends, seeing the gong and not being able to resist himself. He banged it, signaling his arrival. You and the girls snickered, and all of the other adults in the room looked at you three with furrowed eyebrows.

~ A smaller man ran and gave Richie a hug, looking at you all again. “How much did he pay you? Blink twice if you need help.” He laughed full heartedly, the others following along. “I’m Eddie, what’s your name?”

~ “(Y/N). And for your information, I’m paying him.” The group howled in laughter again, and Richie blushed, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

~ Richie was surprised how well you and the girls fit in, and he loved that his best friends loved his family. But when the fortune cookie fiasco took place, he vowed to never come back to Derry again. He was so ready to pack up and leave, seeing the trauma on Evie and Mer’s faces, breaking his heart.

~ Surprisingly, you were the one who convinced him to stay: the person who had absolutely no clue what the fight with IT would entail. You knew you weren’t going to be involved in it, but you figured that since this was such a big part of Richie’s childhood, he had to face it.

~ When Richie was away killing IT, he texted you as often as possible. Like he text you when he got his token, when they were about to get to the house and when they were in the sewers. After that he lost service, but you also figured that his phone was probably soaked through and the mother board had short circuited.

~ When they all came back from the Well House, you and the girls met them at the quarry, your heart breaking when you didn’t see Eddie and you saw Richie sobbing.

~ You went in, leaving the girls on the shore and hugging Richie. He hugged back, crying into your hair. You knew he was in love with Eddie from the moment you saw them together, but you also knew that he loved you, so comforting him was important to you. Eddie was his first “love” and losing that must be so hard, you couldn’t even fathom it.

~ “I’m so proud of you Richie,” you whispered into his ear as he grabbed at your wet shirt, needing something to hold onto and cry. And he cried. And he cried even more when the rest of the losers joined the hug.

~ “I would thank you people, but I don’t even know who you are cause I don’t have my glasses.” You all laughed at him, separating. “No, like, seriously I can’t find my glasses.” You rolled your eyes and smiled, helping the others search for them before getting out and going back to the inn.

~ When you had all of your things packed, you gave each and every one of them a hug, growing close with them so quickly.

~ “You two better keep in touch.” Bill was adamant that everyone was going to continue talking this time, and neither of you were opposed to it. They accepted you and your family in the Losers’ Club, and what could you and Richie want anymore than a place to belong?

[drunkenskunk]

I just randomly remembered the one time, about a decade ago, where my parents signed me up for a cult, I recognized it was a cult almost immediately when I got there, quickly escaped from the cult before I could get indoctrinated, and then my parents got mad at me for "wasting" all the money they spent flying me out there.

Yeah, there are many reasons I no longer speak with my parents anymore.

[murfeelee]

Video Games Pt3: Video Game Challenge

I saw this list on Pinterest out of nowhere, and what better way to ring in the new year than with another questionnaire, about my favorite pastime! This is the spiritual successor to Part 1 and Part 2.

Day 1 - Very first video game: Pacman and/or Mortal Kombat and/or Samurai Shodown on arcade machines (way back in the day when laundromats had arcade machines and gumball machines and such in them--good times, good times U_U); Tetris on computers; and a buttload of PS1 titles (again: back in the good ole days when consoles came with promo demo discs--I had Frogger, Need for Speed, Medieval, and a bunch of others).

Day 2 - Your favorite character: Here’s my Top 10 Males post and Top 10 Females post.

Day 3 - A game that is underrated: I will preach the greatness of PS1′s Legend of Dragoon till my dying day. It was doomed to dwell in Final Fantasy 7′s shadow, which came out earlier that same year, and it’s a real shame, cuz LoD was E V E R Y T H I N G.

My favorite aspects of the game are:

Its lore and worldbuilding. On top of the fact that the premise of the game is could be an anime series in its own right, you just get SO EXCITED to visit each new location, and uncover more about the world’s history, and see the different architecture, technologies, cultures and different races (I LOVE the Winglies, of course). It’s actually a gorgeous game for its time.

The combat -- I STILL have some of the Addition patterns memorized to this very day! They get progressively harder as you level up, but once you get used to the timing you feel so dang good. Die, More and More!

The soundtrack and cutscenes. The NOSTALGIA? O_O Bruh. The story is just really good, and was the very first video game to make me cry when certain...events...happened. Play the game and find out for yourself!

Day 4 - Your guilty pleasure game: The Sims, Dragon Age...any and all EA games. Effing ashamed of myself every time I give that nest of corporate demons at Electronic Farts money. “Surprise mechanics” my arse. 

Day 5 - Game character you feel you are most like (or wish you were): Has Jar Jar Binks been in a video game yet? Then that’s me. XD But I wish I was most like Lara Croft, as explained in my Top 10 Females post.

Day 6 - Most annoying character: For females it’s Lightning from Final Fantasy 13, and for males it’s Vaan, from Final Fantasy 12. I don’t mind as much when supporting characters are effing annoying (Vanille, Hope, etc), but when it’s the MAIN protagonist?! WHY, Square Enix? WHY.

Lightning was just a negative nancy debbie downer. I wish they had swapped Serah and Lightning, I seriously do. I just couldn’t stand her dry and soulless personality. She wasn’t being edgy or bada** or cool or sexy or FANG or anything; she was just a bitter jaded unhappy wench.

And with Vaan I just effing hate that dude. Why was he even there? They tried so hard to make this pushy entitled kid relevant, but I was like no, the story could’ve easily been told without him, and I wish it had been; he’s a effing idiot.

Day 7 - Favorite game couple: Yuna and Tidus from FFX (hardest I ever cried playing a video game -- THE FEELS I TELL YOU).

Day 8 - Best soundtrack: I used to think it was Skyrim, but nope, it’s Witcher 1, 2 and 3. Just listen to ALL of the songs CDPR ever produced for the entire franchise, including all the unreleased tracks, and enjoy the eargasm.

Day 9 - Saddest game scene: Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice had me legit depressed for a good week. Get your tissues and holy water ready; it’s seriously effed up. The entire game is the saddest I ever played, jfc.

Day 10 - Best gameplay: Witcher 3, duh. Main quests, side quests, combat, dialogue, plot, graphics, worldbuilding, creatures, bosses, soundtrack, characters, Gwent, NEED I GO ON.

Day 11 - Gaming system of choice: Playstation for life. But the Nintendo Switch is effing brilliant, ngl; once they put Skyrim & The Witcher on it I was like SOLD.

Day 12 - A game everyone should play: At least ONE Final Fantasy game. There’s 15+, and Dissidia and Kingdom Hearts. It’s not just a game, it’s an experience.

As much as I rag on FF13 and FF15, they’re still admittedly LEAGUES better than a lot of other crap out there. I just happen to feel that Square Enix is out of its frikkin mind lately, and tbh I’ve been rapidly losing my hype for the FF7 Remake. I was never much of a FF7 fan to begin with, aside from being a rabid Sephiroth fangirl and watching Advent Children a billion times. But Square’s gotta be drunk as a skunk if they think I’m paying all that money for god knows how many of these effing “episodes” they’re gonna piecemeal us to dangit death with. HAYUL no. I’d rather not get too attached.

Day 13 - A game you’ve played more than five times:

Day 14 - Current (or most recent) gaming wallpaper: Huh?

Day 15 - What game are you playing right now: Speak of the devil, I’m replaying God of War for the zillionth time already.

Day 16 - Game with the best cut scenes: In terms of graphics and story impact IMO might be Red Dead Redemption 2. That game was frikkin gorgeous, and the story was SO DANG GOOD. Braithwaite Manor!? O_O

Day 17 - Favorite antagonist: For females it’s either Edea from FF8, or Yunalesca from FFX. For dudes it’s Sephiroth, from FF7. That man needs some serious counseling.

Day 18 - Favorite protagonist: Yuna from FFX for the ladies, and TW3′s Geralt of Rivia for the dudes. 

Day 19 - A game world you would like to live in: The more Middle Eastern-inspired scifi/steampunki-medievalesque world of Ivalice from FF12, or the medieval French/Swiss Toussaint from The Witcher 3: Blood and Wine.

Day 20 - Favorite genre: RPGs and JRPGs, and pretty much action-adventure games with swords and sorcery.

Day 21 - Game with the best story: Red Dead Redemption, which is a good thing and a bad thing. A lot of the time I felt I was watching a movie, rather than playing a game. But it was still an Oscar worthy movie. XD

Day 22 - A game sequel which disappointed you: Technically it hasn’t come out yet, but from what we’ve seen of the Nioh 2 beta release, omfg what’s going on? U_U Now, don’t get me wrong! Nioh 2 looks AMAZING. But....that’s cuz it looks exactly like Nioh 1, just with new yokai gameplay thrown in. o_O Uh...is this a DLC expansion pack or what? Cuz it sure ain't lookin like a full-fledged sequel! :P Dare I call it an asset flip. Come on, don’t do this; do MORE. Unless this is actually an expansion you’ll sell for half the price. ;)

Day 23 - Game you think had the best graphics or art style: For graphics it’s RDR2, but for most unique art style it’s always been Okami for me. <3

Day 24 - Favorite classic game: Spyro the Dragon. Their reboot for PS4 was AMAZING.

Day 25 - A game you plan on playing: Cyberpunk 2077. I’m so bummed, knowing the game’s been delayed to September 2020 instead of April, but oh well. As long as CDPR gives us that master-class level of Polish we all know and love from The Witcher 3, then take as much time as you need, I guess. At least they’re not like effing EA or Bethesda. XD

Day 26 - Best voice acting: BOY. Freaking iconic, Kratos. :P

Day 27 - Most epic scene ever: Ciri beating the absolute tastebuds outta Caranthir in TW3, not once but twice. Most OP Witcher EVER, girl; WERK.

Day 28 - Favorite game developer: Though I effing hate them, I’m still a Square Enix fangirl at heart. It’s just saddening to see this weird turn they’ve been making recently, with garbage like the Quiet Man, and especially with Final Fantasy, my favorite game series of all time. U_U I’m not looking forward to the FF7 Remake anymore, tbh. I just hope FF16 is more of a return to form.

Day 29 - A game you thought you wouldn't like, but ended up loving: Skyrim. I was never a big fan of Elder Scrolls games, and when Skyrim came out I was very meh at first. But then the mods started coming out for it and I was like wow. O_O

Day 30 - Your Favorite game of all time: Legend of Dragoon on PS1, Final Fantasy X on PS2, Skyrim on PS3/PC, The Witcher 3 on PS4, and The Sims on PC.

________________________________________________

Thanks for reading!

[bethestaryouareradio]

Top of the Morning to You!

“May your thoughts be as glad as the shamrocks

May your heart be as light as a song.

May each day bring you bright

Happy hours that stay with you all the year long.”  Irish blessing.

My first introduction to the Emerald Isles arrived when I was seven. First grade was the beginning of my education since pre-school and kindergarten did not exist in our neck of the woods. A new school had been constructed with young teachers dressed from head to toe in black with white collars who arrived from a faraway land called Ireland. These exotic nuns told the most marvelous tales of a land where mischievous little people known as leprechauns lived in tiny houses, worked as shoemakers, and hid their gold in pots at the end of the rainbow. Magical green shamrocks blanketed the fields and dales that were used by the legendary St. Patrick in the 4th century to explain the Holy Trinity to those he wanted to convert to Christianity. Best of all, we learned he had driven out the snakes.

Rattlesnakes were everywhere on our ranch so the thought of being able to run barefoot through a field of clover sounded spectacular. By the age of nine, letters were flying across the pond to my pen pal in Dublin and, finally when I was eighteen, I visited her in this mythical landscape to become an adopted Irishwoman. Since then, I’ve spent many days traversing the island, soaking up the hospitality of the people and the beauty of the stones, seascapes, landscapes, cottages, and shamrocks. Most charming are the tiny doors built at the base of trees where the leprechauns live.

Shamrocks grow in my garden in the colors of pink and yellow. There are over five hundred species of Oxalis, known as sorrel or shamrock. Many people consider them a weed because they do multiply. Because I love the Irish lore, I love my spreading shamrocks. They grow from a small bulb and in March sprout mounds of beautiful green clover-shaped leaves with flowers that open at the top of the morning and close at the end of the day. I started my collection by growing shamrocks indoors in a pot and eventually moved the plants outdoors. When the foliage turns yellow and begins to die, cut the leaves to let the plant sleep. Next season, the shamrocks will burst forth again. The tiny bulbs or tubers can easily be moved or transplanted elsewhere. Be aware that shamrocks can become invasive. If you have a small yard, it may be best to keep them in a container. Or designate one area of your garden for the shamrocks and don’t allow them to escape. 

Wear green on March 17 and celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with a pot of shamrocks on your table. They may not bring you a pot of gold, but shamrocks are a reminder that once we can travel again, visiting the land of leprechauns is at the end of the rainbow.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Erin Go Bragh!

Cynthia Brian’s Gardening Guide for March

Since I’ve been writing this column since 2008, I often mistakenly assume that readers understand that I encourage the use of organic and safe garden practices for feeding, fertilizing, spraying, or eliminating pests. There are always ways to create a beautiful garden without the use of toxic chemicals, insecticides, herbicides, and pesticides. Keeping our children, pets, and wildlife safe and healthy is of the utmost importance. Whether I specific an organic method or not, please always use eco-friendly products. By doing so, we’ll also heal our planet.

ELIMINATE SNAILS: Non-toxic to children, chickens, and other pets, Sluggo and Natria are two organic baits containing iron phosphate which naturally occurs in soil. Non-ingested bait degrades and becomes part of the soil. 

Other ways to purge snails and slugs include:

a. Handpicking them. I often go out at night with a flashlight and a bucket. If you have chickens, ducks, or geese, they’ll feast on escargot. Otherwise, at the risk of sounding cruel, you must kill them. We do the snail stomp. Put on boots and dance around. Other ways include drowning them in a bucket of water.

b. Trapping them. Snails like to hide in damp, dark refuges under flowerpots, boards, or plants. Gather them in the morning after their nightly raid.

c. Beer bowls. Snails are attracted to the fermenting yeast of beers. If you put out saucers or shallow bowls of beer, they will fall in. They don’t get drunk. They drown in the beer. 

d. Copper barriers. Copper bands or strips are probably the most effective barrier to keep snails and slugs out of pots and plants. It is work-intensive and more expensive, but especially useful around trees.

e. Decollate snails: These predatory snails have been used in Southern California to control young small brown snails in citrus groves. However, they cannot be used in Northern California as they would endanger other mollusk species. 

Once you have killed your snails, you can add them to your compost pile where their moist bodies will decompose quickly. The shells will take a bit longer but will add nutrients as they compost. 

UPGRADE your outdoor living to be a place that encourages peacefulness and solitude. Create an area where you can work and listen to the sounds of nature.

SUPPORT National Farmworkers Awareness Week March 25-31 by purchasing produce from socially responsible vendors.

TRY a solar-powered sonic mole deterrent that emits vibrations through the ground to keep these velvety creatures at bay. Moles do produce unsightly molehills and undermine plants with their shallow tunnels which can cause roots to dry out. They also do positive chores by feeding on slugs. 

STORE garbage cans out of reach of scavengers. Don’t feed wildlife. Skunks, raccoons, and coyotes have become frequent neighborhood visitors and can be dangerous.

FEED your lawns. Healthy soil grows healthy strong grass. Top your lawn with ¼ inch of compost or use a slow-release organic fertilizer that disseminates their nutrients through animal, plant, and mineral matter. It is best to fertilizer before rainfall. 

TURN on lawn sprinklers to check the heads have not been covered by new growing grass. 

DESTROY weeds and poison oak without toxic chemicals. 

For weeds in sidewalk cracks, borders, and areas where lawns, flowers, and other plants won’t be affected, mix one tablespoon Dawn dishwashing detergent, a cup of salt, and a gallon of regular white vinegar in a pail. Pour into a spray bottle and spray on the weeds on a sunny day. The sunlight works the magic. Be careful where you spray as this solution is harmful to grass and plants. It will kill your weeds.

For poison oak or super-tough weeds, buy a gallon of 30% white vinegar and put it in a spray tank undiluted. Spray poison oak as it emerges in spring and do it on a warm, sunny day. The 30% white vinegar is very potent and will kill everything it touches. It is the safe and effective alternative to using Round Up for a similar amount of money.  It also is useful for cleaning brick and stone patios, driveways, greenhouses, and hothouses. It will dissolve calcium, mineral, and lime buildup. 

SPRING for spring on March 20th.  Enjoy the rebirth of our gardens and start digging deeper.

Happy Gardening. Happy Growing. Happy Spring!

Photos and mores: https://www.lamorindaweekly.com/archive/issue1502/Digging-Deep-with-Goddess-Gardener-Cynthia-Brian-Top-of-the-Morning.html

Cynthia Brian, The Goddess Gardener, is available for hire to help you prepare for your spring garden. Raised in the vineyards of Napa County, Cynthia is a New York Times best-selling author, actor, radio personality, speaker, media and writing coach as well as the Founder and Executive Director of Be the Star You Are!® 501 c3. Tune into Cynthia’s StarStyle® Radio Broadcast at www.StarStyleRadio.com.

Buy copies of her best-selling books, including, Chicken Soup for the Gardener’s Soul, Growing with the Goddess Gardener, and Be the Star You Are! Millennials to Boomers at www.cynthiabrian.com/online-store. Receive a FREE inspirational music DVD.

Hire Cynthia for writing projects, garden consults, and inspirational lectures.

Cynthia@GoddessGardener.com

www.GoddessGardener.com

[cosmicsynthetics]

I feel bad that I didn’t put up any sketches in the past few days (monthly hit me like a ton of bloody bricks), but I did manage to squeeze these out and I’m going to post them up now. c: Just some doodles of Iehgogs Sah Ergo, Sah Iam, and Medic Chup! Also a tiny Pilot Sic head. I can’t think of much relevant lore to include in this entry, but I can at least say that Iam getting drunk as a skunk and lounging around ass-naked is TOTALLY in character for her. Also, Chup screaming at the sky while naked out of frustration doesn’t sound too weird either. As a sidenote, Iehgog legs are tricky to draw correctly because they’re not quite “typical furry legs”. They’ve got very short calves and a LOT of foot so the silhouette of their legs looks more human than you might expect considering the internal structure. Also, though they’re normally bound for support or at least stuffed in stiff shoes, iehgogs have LONG ASS TOESIES that can part, so it’s more like they’ve got big frog feet on man legs! (Iehgins techincally did this better - a closely related species - but I’ll talk more about them in the ACTUAL REF I’M WORKING ON. . .)

[autolovecraft]

In the absence of the road, and the plants.

I could not have gone the front yard were moving. All three horses outside, tied to a grayish powder, and after its immersion in the front door to drop the heavy wagon near enough the hayloft for convenient pitching. There is no telling what it is because of something—they all drunk the water come. The aspect of the huddled men, a lad of fifteen, swore that they left all the queer things were, his mind was bent ever so slightly; but the wise men talked of the soil was another matter.

Ammi reached his house the horses had become utterly frightful, but not any color of that color, and ears tingled to impulses which were not as characteristic of the fall before was freely mentioned, and a second later he felt himself brushed as if by some hateful current of vapor. It lay largely to the growing luminosity of the creatures seemed not quite right since. Familiarity had dulled them, and ceased to wonder at anything beside its own elder mystery. The boys were better off, and they held strange colors, and all thought it probable that others would be certain to start. All three horses outside, followed at once, so he busied himself in obtaining them—and death was always the result—there would have thought of searching it for Merwin or Zenas. With an associative sense goaded to feverish heights, he took the keys from their nail beside the door to drop the heavy wagon near enough the hayloft for convenient pitching.

All this the change in the acid solvents there seemed to be, since the witch trials, and it was clear that a very queer color, which they could, but it told on him.

It was the same strange ailment which had certainly been the lantern; while a bent handle and twisted iron hoops beside it, but husky and almost identical from every throat. I fed her it'll get her if we ain't careful just a color her face is getting to have grown taciturn; and then gets ye burns ye up in the well—I know not in what they saw. Something had aroused them in the woods and fields, and the wise men answered that stones do not believe I would hate to think that they could not help glancing nervously at the doom of the Gazette, but Ammi laid a shaky hand on his wife had gone out late at night. But whatever daemon hatchling is there, in truth, so he was anxious to be blotted out, though later they lost the spirit to bark. The rest of his house is so near the well shone at night. Elmo or the flames that come down on the blasted heath. Not long after this the change in grass and leaves on the high bare boughs of all that gorgeous array of specious lusciousness not one remained unmoved at what was meant by that time, even the sober professors could not go. No traveler has ever cut.

Whether it had come to poor Thaddeus in his ears, and the roses and zinneas and hollyhocks in the well. God! Almost at the bottom seemed inexplicably porous and bubbling, and when the reservoir gang gets to work I must write the chief engineer to keep a sharp watch on him. It wasn't right—it must be the sap. Poultry turned grayish and died very quickly, their meat being found dry and noisome upon cutting. God! It was getting toward sunset, and he wanted Ammi to look after his wife and three sons on the ground beside the well—he lives in the yard, who first noticed the skunk-cabbage, but appeared to stir furtively in the noxious air as if they walked half in another second they had been in the borax bead, and each one had to recall the speaker from ramblings, piece out scientific points which he had taken, and artists shiver as they ought to study the stunted flora on the dark stairs to guess what had happened. I sought him out the next day. Then a cloud of darker depth passed over the hills rise wild, and when upon heating before the spectroscope both samples gave off an unknown spectrum, wasting away in air, and malignly bubbling in its cosmic and unrecognizable chromaticism. They had heard of again.

Ammi and the Poles have come and departed. But whatever daemon hatchling is there, and in such abundance that extra barrels were ordered to handle the future crop.

Stark terror seemed to hint at the bottom of a spacious valley; and it burst with a brooding fear he dared not even friendship could make him stay in that aerolite two summers ago, had almost run away. He was never specific, but encroached a little on the moonlit clouds; scratching impotently in the corner, and had put therein what he was done I did not wonder that the Gardner dogs seemed so far as he pointed out the next discovery. And by night all Arkham had heard the story, and then to poorer health and a feeling of something that is a very puzzling aftermath occurred at the moonlit ground between the splintered shafts of the fathomless gulfs outside; and when Nahum opened the boys continued to use it and a clammy and hateful current of vapor. It was nothing of this earth, but the brooding farmer professed to see me. Too awed even to hint theories, the Arkham papers made much of the child himself no trace.

How it had drawn the lightning, as the officers were to be blotted out, though the blasphemy from beyond had not so feeble as I mentioned them in the years after Nahum's taking, and Ammi turned away from the abyss. Zenas everything alive sucking the life out of the men from the college last year says the meteor stone that fell out of the well shone at night. To this day it sprawls open to the sky. The name blasted heath as it was very marked. Three of the floor without meeting any solid obstruction. A sort of liquid splash—water—it got strong on 'em, mind and body—Thad and Merwin and Zenas were both there, he heard still further sounds below. I knew it the moment I came upon it at the bottom of the vegetation.

He knew it had another strange color; not quite usual in their chromatic perversion. Aside from being almost plastic; and nothing could bribe me to pay no attention to old Ammi said, with squat, moss-coated cottages brooding eternally over old New England secrets in the stone they smashed it it was only by a timid windmill salesman from Bolton who drove by one night and were far from the well grew stronger and began that disuse of the same time the mortality among the livestock. At this point, as if some vital element of perspective or chiaroscuro were awry. I know not in what they saw a fearsome instant of deeper darkness the watchers saw wriggling at that hour of the oxy-hydrogen blowpipe. There was no one was locked, and feared to think what it might mean. The wood of the huddled men, a sense of something—they could not say; but when dawn came, and malignly bubbling in its cosmic and unrecognizable chromaticism.

Hot as it had gone beyond earshot, leaving behind no trail and disappearing through a round and curiously regular hole in the front way, and his restlessness was worse after the clammy brushing of that kind ought never to sprout in a locked and undisturbed barn.

As the rest of his host stammered out a desperate tale once more he went with them. He climbed the creaking stairs to guess what had happened. As they passed Ammi's they told him of no use in telling the people around, who first noticed the glow about the house was! He did not wish to cross the blighted, wind-whipped woods alone to his home lain outside the bounds of the vegetation. They could not, however, as the shapeless stream of unplaceable color left the region, and all those elder secrets will be one with the hidden lore of old wood and farmland to be slightly cooling, there came from poor tethered Hero such a sound as no man before or since ever heard from a round and curiously regular hole in the daytime, against a moonlit sky. Do not ask me for my opinion.

The way it's made and the shingled sides bulging perilously beneath low gambrel roofs. In the last—said it was still hot, and through the aimless days. There would be called a gas, but perhaps it is just as well that sucks your life out. It was getting brighter and more educated than I had been in the yard, and all the queer color, and even such grass and leaves became apparent to the woods.

[drunkenskunk]

Earlier in the year, I deleted my deviantart account.

I did this because they were going all-in on AI theft bullshit, and I wanted no part in it. And I'm pretty sure I know what you're thinking: big deal, right? And on some level, I kinda get it. It was a deviantart page, who cares, nothing of value was lost.

Despite that, I do remember going through most of my entire account, and trying to save a backup of whatever I could, just in case, y'know? I saved almost everything, before deleting every individual piece, and then once the entire account was empty, I fully deleted the account. I did everything I could think of to avoid letting the idiots running that site into the ground scrape what little I had for their fucking theft algorithm.

But there were a few things that I forgot to save. I had a few fanfics that I had posted there. The big one was the entirety of the New Vegas fanfic that I wrote over the course of 5 years. 174 chapters, just under a million words, it's notable in that it's the only project that I've ever actually finished to completion.

But the thing is: that wasn't actually lost. I have the entirety of that story, including several earlier versions, saved on my hard drive. According to the file properties, it's 50mb, and 1376 individual files. And not only that, but the "mirror" of that story is also still preserved in public with my account on fanfiction dot net.

But there were a few other stories that, in my haste, I forgot to save. And, again, it's a case of "Who cares?" because they were short, almost one-shot, fanfics based on the characters I played... in World of Warcraft.

Sheason Fisher and Tuera Ashama were my rogue and warlock characters, respectively, and I wrote a lot of short stories involving the two of them. Snapshots of this extended cat-and-mouse espionage game of super-spy versus super-villain, with a backdrop of whatever drama was going on with the RP guild I was part of at the time.

Thing is, the reason I didn't think to save them while scrubbing my deviantart account was because I assumed that I already had them saved somewhere. But recently, I went through some of my files, looking for something else entirely, when I suddenly realized: no.

They're not there.

All these things that I wrote about these characters that have existed in my head since at least 2005, and it's all just... gone. It's like all the stuff I wrote on warcraft guild forums for those characters - back when forums were still a thing - and which now no longer exist, because not only do all those RP guilds no longer exist, the forums themselves no longer exist. And I never thought to preserve what I wrote.

I kinda remember what most of the stories were about, vaguely. I kinda remember the general idea of the one-shots I'd written. But the actual words I wrote at the time? They have vanished. I could probably rewrite some of those old stories, and they'd probably be a lot better now. After all, I'd like to imagine that I'm a much better writer today than I was 10, 15, 20 years ago...

But the originals are still lost.

It wouldn't be the same.

I know this probably seems like I'm being overly dramatic, and I'm fretting over pointless bullshit. And, yeah, on some level, I acknowledge that I kind of am. But... still.

It's reminding me of just how ephemeral existence is. Moments happen, and then they're gone.

The only evidence that any of these events ever happened at all is my failing memory.

And, eventually... even that will disappear.

[drunkenskunk]

Time for more Drunk Skunk Lore

So, I've just been reminded that tomorrow is father's day.

I don't speak to my father. I mean, I don't speak to any of my family, and haven't for just over 4 years. But my father in particular is an asshole. He's a real piece of work. I will forever be ashamed of myself that it took me so fucking long to cut them both out of my life.

Like, the man freely admitted many times over the years that he was "socially liberal and fiscally conservative." Which is just Blue No Matter Who Liberal code for "I think the problems of this world are very bad, but the causes of all those problems have been very good for me, personally and financially. But I don't want to admit that out loud. So I'm conflicted!"

When I think about my father - something I try not to do as often as I can - I think about three specific moments that really encapsulate the man. These are by no means the only things he ever did (go ahead and search through the #drunk skunk lore tag if you're in a particularly good mood today and would like to ruin it) but these three moments will probably give you the best grasp of the kind of shithead he is.

The first that springs immediately to mind was the time I tried to explain the concept of the Fuel Rats to him. For context: in the video game Elite Dangerous, there is a player run organization called the Fuel Rats. Their mission is simple: if you're playing the game and your starship runs out of fuel anywhere in the galaxy - and, for reference, Elite Dangerous is meant to be a 1:1 to-scale recreation of the Milky Way - you can contact the Fuel Rats, and they will come to your aid, and fill up your gas tank, free of charge.

"So what's in it for them?" I remember my father asking, after I explained. "It's not like they're really doing this for free. There must be some kind of incentive. So what are they getting out of it?"

This went on for several minutes. I kept trying to explain, and he just couldn't grasp the concept. He could not wrap his head around a person - much less a group of people - deliberately operating at a loss, simply because it was the right thing to do. It wasn't possible for him to conceive of a scenario where someone would do something for someone else that wasn't inherently transactional.

Then there was that one time I tried to show him The Business Card Scene from American Psycho. Because I thought it was funny, and I knew that he was an executive himself before he retired, so I thought he might also find it funny.

He watched it... and then he looked at me, like I'd grown three heads. He didn't understand what was funny about it. He didn't know what the jokes was supposed to be... because for him, it wasn't a joke. That was just the kind of thing that would happen all the time between executives at his job.

Another time I remember was when my parents and I were at a restaurant having lunch. Can't remember where, but it was a place with TVs everywhere, and Office Space happened to be playing. It was the part of the movie where the Bobs were interviewing people, to try and figure out who they could fire.

This prompted my father to share an anecdote when something similar happened at his work. His office hired someone to go through the list of everyone working there, to see who was "superfluous," so they could downsize. And it all culminated with a meeting where my father, his boss, and the "efficiency expert" were going through all his findings. And once all was said and done, and they had the list of who they were going to fire, my father's boss nodded, looked at the guy, and said "You've done good work here, but there's one more name we need to add to that list. Pack up your things, you're fired."

I was horrified by literally everything he had said, but he just started laughing. He thought it was hilarious. That was a funny anecdote for him.

How the fuck did it take me 32 years to realize he was such a shithead? I really don't know.

The signs were all there, if only I had bothered to look.

[drunkenskunk]

I feel like I need to clarify something.

I've used this chart a couple of times. I've seen people criticize my usage of this, usually in that it's not extensive enough. And I just want to make sure people understand a few things.

Yes, I am aware the chart should extend much further beyond the "horny and fears no god" end of the scale. I didn't actually make it. I think I found it on twitter.

I quite often joke that I'm on that "horny and fears no god" end of things, but the truth of the matter? I see this entire spectrum - and quite a lot more besides - and my response is a flat "Yes."

Am I way too horny for my own good? Absolutely.

Am I extremely touch starved in real life, which is almost certainly a contributing factor that feeds into the previous? Yes again.

Am I ever going to act on any of this? Probably not, due to my general anxiety, intense depression, thorough exhaustion, terror of anything even remotely relationship-adjacent because of awful past experiences, and my ongoing struggle with Identity.

Is the only reason I'm even saying any of this because I'm running on two hours of sleep and I'm just a little delirious? Probably it is maybe.

[drunkenskunk]

I really need to convince myself to go on walks more often.

Or... I suppose it would be more accurate to say "go on walks like I used to again."

Before the pandemic, I would go on walks daily. Not to anywhere, not for anything, just wandering. But since covid began, I haven't left my apartment without a purpose, and because I've lost several friends to the gross negligence of... fucking everyone, I also haven't left my apartment without a mask for any reason in all that time. And I still haven't.

Point is, this is the first time I've left my apartment since I got home on Friday, and I've only been on this walk with no purpose for 25 minutes, and my headache is already starting to clear up.

Of course, as soon as I started to type this, my knee started acting up...

I hate being old.