#dumb basement lizard

[myths0f01d]

Can we just talk about how Merlin writes Arthur a whole ass speech out of his own free will without any indication Arthur wanted him to do so. It's almost like he wants to lessen Arthur's stresses and worries. Almost like he cares. Certainly not a man inlove. No sir. No man in love would write a speech for the friend just because they thought they'd be nice. No absolutely not.

(Idiots in love)

[mamawasatesttube]

This might be old-fashioned of me but I miss when comic books were less about shitty character growth the characters don’t need from writers who don’t really get those characters and more about just those characters going on silly adventures.

I recently been reading the original JLI comic run and how the fuck is a comic run from the 80s better than all the comics dc released this year together? (In my opinion) it just baffles me how, idk, somehow the love for writing these stories got lost along the way. I read the jli run and writer and editors notes and clearly there was some level of thought put out in this, despite it being just silly almost episodic stories most of the time. There’s isn’t really anything like that now-a-days, these stories feel like they’re being put out just for the sake of it.

I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that i wish Kon (and half of Superfam honestly) just had writers that genuinely love him, or at least put some level of thought into the comics they’re writing, comics now a days just feel so soulless, it’s such a pity :/

<🦎>

first off i LOVE the lizard signoff. that's iconic of you

but yeah no i'm in full agreement. generally i try to keep an open mind towards newer comics (some of them ARE fun! just... pretty much only the ones introducing new characters.) because i do think nostalgia glasses are a factor in how much we all praise postcrisis era. like some of that shit was dumb as hell too (war of the supermen i'm looking at you). so i try to keep in mind that we mostly care about the new earth comics that were good and ignore the bad ones, but all the same...

the number of writers that seem to actually care about the story they're telling lately does seem... low. they all seem so soulless and safe. you just know no modern comic would have cassie join a fucking resurrection cult or have tim doing a boogie in the cloning basement. everything is neat and packaged in little boxes so it can be easily sliced up for people to post on twitter or tiktok, with pithy one-liners and tired, rehashed tropes to sell the deal no matter how out-of-character they may be. everything is resolved nice and neat and clean and there's no character development needed. if a character has a flaw, it'll be hammered in as heavily as possible so you KNOW the author knows it's a character flaw they need to overcome.

so yeah. it's by and large just so ... flat.

i think the only comics dc is putting out that are really worth keeping up with to me at this point are like. new characters. spirit world, city boy, that sort of thing. with existing characters they're kinda just getting mangled.

[the-golden-ghost]

ooh what do you know about uhh goosebumps!

Okay this one's funny cause I was a huge Goosebumps Kid so I'll try to just summarize every one I can remember from childhood LET'S GO:

Welcome to Dead House: Girl moves to town. Town's haunted. Havoc ensues. I think this was the first one ever published.

Phantom of the Auditorium: R. L. Stine deciding "what do kids love? Phantom of the Opera references?" and making a whole book dedicated to the concept. +1 for really good twist at the end

Ghost Beach: Beach with ghosts on it. I remember this one had a reaper thing on the cover but the actual ghosts were just kids who died of plague in like, 1800. I think it was also in New England! :)

Ghost Camp: Camp's haunted

Shocker on Shock Street: Kids go on a theme park tour but the theme park monsters are REAL and the kids are ROBOTS and idk man this one was wild. I liked it though

The Girl Who Cried Monster: Librarian's a monster and he eats bugs or something? Or turtles? I dunno man

Night of the Living Dummy 2: Okay this one's funny cause there was an earlier book called Night of the Living Dummy. And it's almost completely forgotten. Slappy, the evil dummy who became the FACE of the series and the most notable standout character in the entire run? He only appears in the sequel. I don't even know what the original dummy was called. They also filmed this one for the TV series but ONLY this one, not the original. So the TV episode is called Night of the Living Dummy 2 and there is no Night of the Living Dummy 1 in the TV series at all. Anyway it's about a ventriloquist dummy who tries to enslave his owner

Go Eat Worms!: I don't really remember what this is about at all I just found the title really funny. I think it's about a kid who's cursed and worms show up everywhere.

Lawn Gnomes Attack Manhattan: No but I don't remember the actual title of this one. I just remember it was about evil lawn gnomes and even as a kid I thought it was stupid but they can't all be bangers

Night in Tower Terror? Terror Tower?: I think I only saw the TV episode of this and it freaked me out. However it's also based on the Actual Real Life Murder of two children (the nephews of Richard III, Edward V and Richard of York) which makes it possibly the bleakest inspiration for a Goosebumps book albeit Stine really fictionalized it and also it happened in the 1400s

Calling All Creeps: Some kid puts a prank ad for creeps in his local newspaper and gets creeps to show up. I think they were like lizard aliens idk

The Beast From the East: What if the jungle was real and tried to KILL YOU

Chicken Chicken: Girl gets cursed to turn into a chicken. Slightly scarier than it sounds

How to Kill a Monster: Terrible grandparents summon a Swamp Thing and try to feed their grandkids to it

That Weird Vampire Time-Travel One: Kid finds his grandpa's vampire corpse in the basement and Vampire Grandpa wakes up and tries to eat him. And then time travels back to the 1800s for some reason cause I guess vampires are only scary in the 1800s?

Ghost School: A lot of these are just called "Ghost *regular place*" but this one was particularly fucked up cause the ghosts were actually kids who got trapped in a living photograph by an evil photographer. Which sounds dumb but they were permanently ensnared in this black and white void where time never passed for like... decades and decades as the outside world slowly moved on and forgot about them. And they never got rescued or anything. They were literally just left to their fate. One of the more messed up endings in the series

The Haunted Mask: OH MAN how did I miss this one. This was probably the Gold Standard for the TV show episodes. Freaked me out SO bad as a kid. It's about a girl who wears a mask that permanently affixes to her face and it's WILD

The Cuckoo Clock of Doom: Kid gets trapped in a Time Vortex and ends up erasing his bratty sister from the face of history etc.

The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight: Evil scarecrows. That's pretty much it but this one and Harold from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark are probably the reason for my lifelong Scarecrow Phobia so

The One Where The Kids Turn Into Dogs And Never Get Changed Back: !!! honestly the ending made me so mad. I forget the name of it though

One Day At Horrorland: A classic! It's about an evil theme park :) Don't go down the Doom Slide!

Stay Out of The Basement: Kids' dad turns into an evil mad scientist but it turns out he's actually an evil plant clone of their dad who's just posing as their dad. Wild

That One Where The Camera Kills You: I don't remember the title but the camera predicts the future. However it causes whatever Future Event it depicts to also be like. You Will Be Maimed And Slaughtered Horribly

Jack O Lanterns... Attack... Manhattan?: I don't remember the title of this one either. It was basically What If You Got Kidnapped By Pumpkin Monsters and they Made You Celebrate Halloween For All Eternity. Would that be fucked up or what

Uhhh Bnuy: Evil Stage Magician Turns A Kid Into A Rabbit or something I forgor. I think there was a sorcerer named Greg in there somewhere? Like I remember that being a joke

Piano Lessons Can Be Murder: Kid goes to piano lessons and gets murdered. I mean not really but almost lmao. Also the freaky handless ghost woman who scared the SHIT out of me when I was 12

Help My Neighbor's A Ghost: I don't remember the name of this one either but the main character thinks the new kid who just moved in is a ghost. Turns out she (the main character) died in a fire 20 years ago and she's the actual ghost and her best friend never writes to her because she died ages ago and stuff. It's actually kind of sad; I don't recall the title but it stuck with me

How I Learned to Fly: About a kid who learns to fly which ISN'T SCARY OR A HORROR CONCEPT

The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena: Bigfoot but he lives in California now. Yeah a scientist found him and brought him back. Yeah he's got Scary Bigfoot Ice Powers too and keeps freezing people solid

Beware the Snowman: I think this was actually the first one I ever read? This one's about a cursed town under the domain of an evil snowman (not like Bigfoot I mean like an actual irl snowman. Like Frosty) but the snowman's actually an evil magician who was turned into a snowman by his rival or something. This one's also kind of wild but it's decently good!

[chickwiththepurpleguitar]

For a prompt, maybe Bobby having a job in high school where he teaches guitar to kids and Emily and Mitch mistakenly sign Luke up for lessons? (Bobby just doesn't sound like a teenager on the phone) Belated congratulations on the 500 milestone, btw ✨

Here you go, friend! I hope you like it! My first jatp AU fic lol :)

Read on ao3 here:

--

Here’s the thing: Luke already knows how to play the guitar.

Has he ever taken a lesson? Officially? No, of course not, because he’s not a nerd. But he’s been learning from YouTube tutorials for almost six years now, been writing his own stuff for four, been the lead singer and guitarist of an epic, legendary rock band for two. He’d say he’s pretty well covered in the “knowing how to play the guitar” department, without some crusty old guy showing him the chords to songs no one’s listened to since the 60s in the grimy basement of a church two hours a week.

And yet, here he stands, on the sidewalk outside said church, guitar case in hand and a truly menacing grimace on his face, staring up at the hand-painted sign on the door detailing “Guitar lessons for kids! Room B38” in big block letters.

“Well?” Alex, who drove Luke here because Luke is currently not on speaking terms with his mother and father out of pure unadulterated spite, claps a hand on his shoulder, already stifling giggles. “You ready for your lesson, kiddo?”

“I will kick you out of the band,” Luke threatens.

“Then you can walk home.” Alex jingles his keys teasingly, then tugs Luke into a quick hug. “Come on, man, I think it was a nice gesture. Try to make the most of it, at least your parents are trying.”

Right, because the whole reason Luke’s here is because his mom thought the lessons would be a good reward for Luke passing all his classes this semester. Because she heard him complaining that Sunset Curve needed a rhythm guitarist to fill out their sound and decided that meant he needed to learn how to do it himself, even though Luke tried to explain to her that he couldn’t play rhythm guitar and face-melting solos at the same time.

Of course, she didn’t listen, and then his dad found a flyer for this guy Robert giving lessons out of the local church, and before Luke could say no, the first month’s worth were already paid for and he didn’t have a choice.

And he supposes Alex is sort of right. At least his parents know what a guitar is. At least they’re trying to be somewhat, relatively supportive of his music, instead of pushing him to apply to college or get a job over the summer like they did constantly until he ran away for six months after Christmas and almost died (he’s fine now, but that near-death experience really changed his parents’ tune).

At least they actually acknowledge that he’s in a band at all, unlike Alex’s folks, whose friends think Alex volunteers at homeless shelters in his free time, or Reggie’s, who just don’t care.

Luke knows he’s got it good, compared to his friends, compared to himself a year ago. But that doesn’t mean he’s gotta be happy about it.

“All right, I’ll pick you up in an hour,” Alex says, giving Luke’s shoulder another friendly squeeze. “Try not to pout so much, it’s unbecoming.”

Luke gives him the finger, and Alex’s laughter echoes behind him as he heads back toward his car.

And then Luke sighs, grips his guitar a little tighter, and heads inside. He’s already here, he might as well get it over with.

Room B38 is a tiny classroom deep in the bowels of the church, reserved for Sunday School or daycare or some other such activity. The door’s closed, so Luke knocks, and a voice from inside calls, “Come in!”

A voice that does not sound like it belongs to the crusty old man Luke had been picturing.

He frowns, wondering if maybe he’s in the wrong place, but tugs the door open anyway and maneuvers himself and his guitar inside.

There’s no crusty old man waiting for him. There is, however, a handsome (Luke can’t help noticing and then feels stupid for noticing), young man, no more than a year or two older than Luke at most, sitting in a comically small plastic chair and tuning an acoustic guitar.

“Hey,” Luke greets him, raising an awkward hand. “You’re… Robert?”

“Please—Bobby,” the guy corrects, laying his guitar down on the carpeted floor next to him so he can stand and shake Luke’s hand. There’s a gleam of confusion in his eyes, and he glances over Luke’s shoulder like he’s looking for something as he says, “You must be Luke’s… older brother?”

Oh, Luke is going to kill his parents. “Uh, no,” he says, clears his throat awkwardly. “No, um… I’m Luke.”

Bobby lets out an undignified snort, and then claps his hand over his mouth. “Sorry, sorry,” he says, still sort of giggling. “I shouldn’t laugh, it’s just—most of my students are in the four to twelve age range? I thought you’d be, like, eight.”

Luke rolls his eyes. “Well, I thought you’d be, like, sixty, so I guess we’re both disappointed.”

“Not disappointed,” Bobby corrects, and his smile makes Luke’s stomach flip in a way he’d really rather not analyze too closely right now. Bobby nods down at the guitar case in Luke’s hand. “Should we get started?”

Luke’s tongue feels dumb and thick in his mouth, but he manages to stammer something vaguely affirmative, and Bobby grins at him.

They settle into the kiddy chairs across from each other, and Bobby picks his guitar back up while Luke pulls his own out of its case.

He briefly considers pretending to actually need guitar lessons so that Bobby will have a chance to show off, because Bobby’s cute and funny and clearly cares about music, and Luke doesn’t know how to flirt.

But Luke also doesn’t know how to play guitar badly. So they only get about twenty minutes into the lesson before Bobby stops and says, “You don’t need me, do you?”

“I really don’t,” Luke apologizes. “I play lead guitar in a band, I’ve been teaching myself since I was twelve, my parents are just—” he starts to say stupid, then remembers Alex’s words and amends—“a little clueless about this kind of thing.”

Bobby puts his guitar aside and leans forward in his chair. “What, have they never heard you play before?”

Luke resists the urge to roll his eyes. “No, they have, they just. We’re looking for someone—my band and me—to play rhythm guitar for us? My parents asked why I couldn’t do it, and when I explained it to them, they thought ‘I can’t play lead and rhythm at the same time’ meant I couldn’t play rhythm at all. I don’t know.” He shrugs a little, busies himself with putting his guitar back in its case.

“I could.”

Luke looks up, frowning. “You could what?”

Bobby raises his eyebrows pointedly, nods at the guitar lying at his feet. “Play with you guys. If you’re still looking for someone, I mean.”

Luke’s heart skips a beat, and a warm smile spreads across his face without his permission. “Seriously, man? That’d be amazing! Here, let me give you my number and you can come over sometime and meet the band.”

They exchange information, and Luke spends a little too long staring stupidly at the contact in his phone that Bobby has named “Guitar Teacher <3”.

“Plus,” Bobby says, and Luke looks back up to see him smirking as he returns his own phone to his pocket. “Now I get an excuse to see you again. Since you obviously don’t need the lessons.”

“Yeah,” Luke agrees. “Yeah, I’d really like that.”

“But, uh, maybe don’t tell your parents that. Cause I can’t give them a refund.”

--

Taglist: @whenweremarried @sunsethimb0s @pink-flame @penguin0613 @fighttoshine @sunsetcurvecuddles @apples-bees @reggiescrookedteeth @brightattheorpheum @queenmolina @jandthephantoms @lexilucacia @sapphossidechick @acnhaddict @shrimp-colours @sunset-bobby @lenacarstairspotterstewart @conversationaltreestump @burntchromas @shellydominique @julieandthequeers @joyandthephantoms @it-tastes-like-lizard

[firelord-frowny]

Y'ALL!!!!

i had the most MAGICAL experience the other day and I'm so saaaaaaaaad bc i tried to record it but my phone did a dumb and recorded 0 seconds of it. :(

I was sitting on the porch with my mamma and then I see! a lizard! A five-lined skink! That, by itself, isn't unusual. We see them every summer around the deck, by the porch, blah blah. One even wound up in the bathtub in the basement somehow, and one even somehow got in my dads pants lmfaoooo WHAT??? literally lmfao he claimed that he went to go use the bathroom and all of a sudden a lizard was scampering out of his pants???? so yeah lmao we are well acquainted with the lizards.

but these lizards are also SUPER FAST and will disappear in the blink of an eye if you even blink at them too hard, and they CERTAINLY would never let us get very close.

but on THIS day, on the porch,

the lizard! fucking! WALKED RIGHT UP TO ME!!!

Like it wanted to MEET me! Walked up like a friendly dog! And I gasped and whipped out my phone and literallyyyy this lizard was like 2 inches from my foot!

And then all of a sudden it seemed to realize that I was not, in fact, a tree trunk, and sprinted away lmfao.

And I just wish i had it on videooooo :( :( :(

[ghostlyhamburger]

Husband Watches Heroes Day

Hell yeah he’s finally finishing Season 2!!!!

how does Adrien’s giant ass window open so easily?

why is it always macarons? don’t her parents make anything else?

wait. he has like seven different fucking things for mourning his dead wife? Like three in his office and then a statue out there and then his actual wife in the basement??

Is this the episode that shows that Nathalie knows what Gabriel’s doing? ...wow she wants his dumb dick

Lila’s background looks so fake

[Damocles is the Owl and husband just groans] I need stronger alcohol for this.

[...he just chugged straight 40% liqueur]

This is just all the worst parts of the show one after another! Wait, no. The one saving grace is that Luka isn’t in it.

Marinette you’re overpromising

Marinette. You’re also a baker.

Why is Gabriel’s neckerchief like the American flag

So does he breed butterflies just to akumatize people?

Wait...she can’t be Volpina, she doesn’t have the necklace. [transforms] That doesn’t make sense.

so why isn’t Hawkmoth sending out more akumas

So he’s giving Nathalie a decreased version of his own power?

[Scarlet Moth exists] oh that’s horrible looking

[”Nothing can spoil the party!”] What about an army of akumas?

Marinette you’re gonna have to skip school if you wanna make that many

So now they’re reusing all their old assets. But they’re RED.

fucking piece of shit Fu

wait Plagg can just destroy things by breathing on them?? he really is death and destruction in a tiny cute package

So how come Hawkmoth hasn’t just taken Adrien’s jewelry? [because he’d have to pay attention to his son then] Oh, right

Sabrina looks weird without her glasses

You’re gonna need multiple allies for this one, girl

Why do you even have the turtle miraculous if you never use it you old useless fuck

[Rena and Carapace reveal] Okay this is actually a really cute moment

[Chat giving Chloe the miraculous] He’s getting a lot of fun out of teasing her.

Mayura? [it means peacock in Sanskrit] WHY SANSKRIT

why didn’t they just make this a special like the Christmas bullshit

I have many questions. Why did he get rid of Volpina already? oh wait. Why was Volpina the same even though she didn’t have the necklace?

This entire series could’ve been avoided if Gabriel just went to grief counseling.

I just wanna see a giant lizard come in and chomp Hawkmoth in half.

...why can the baby talk?

oh, fuck, they’re Power Rangers. that was a Power Rangers speech.

I don’t like red Stormy Weather.

Where’s Alix and her dumb time power bullshit?

Wait is that Kagami?

Fuck off Rogercop

You should recruit Kagami, she could be pretty helpful here.

oh fuck Despair Bear

you know what would be real helpful? A master of the miraculouses or something. If only there was someone like that...

[sewer scene!]Plagg really does care for Adrien.

Might not be the best idea to untransform them while they’re in the middle of sewer water!

oh boy, ice bitch.

you wanna know who’d be a really good help right now? Nora and her fighting experience.

Why is Marinette’s grandmother here?

How is this episode both really good and really terrible at the same time?

oh hey Volpina’s back

aand Kim’s dead.

aaand he’s not dead.

did Hawkmoth just clothesline his kid

[Mayura appears] That’s a really pretty outfit.

well that’s just Mothra but evil.

So, the peacock drains her life force?

[Gabe touches Nathalie’s hand] WHAT IS THEIR RELATIONSHIP

been a while since we had dumb Marinette moments.

how is Marc so fucking cute

Holy shit progress on the main fucking couple!

[kilgarygotcake]

Some higher power made me make this post so bear with me for a second.

🍰THE KILGARY GOT CAKE THEOREM🍰

Theorem:

Gary , what most people consider Spongebob's pet snail , is the same being as kilgharrah, the basement lizard from bbc merlin. Also Garygotcake.

Proof:

Let's start by giving the definition of the phrase "got cake". Urban Dictionary, world's most trusted source when it comes to cursed slang terms defines it as follows:

So what we have to examine is whether Gary has a nice ass or not.

Let's start with the most famous evidence of that fact:

What we see here is a canonical picture of Gary's ass. But the question still remains: Is that ass "nice"?

Beauty is often in the eye of the beholder so we need to find an objective way to prove that Gary does indeed have hella cake.

Let me introduce you to the φ (phi in english ) number. Phi is often referred to as "the golden ratio" . This is a ratio often appears in nature and was used by some great architects and artists to make their works more aesthetically pleasing.

In other words phi can be an objective way to measure beauty since most humans seem to find works that contain that ratio - in some form or another - pretty.

The thing is that snail-shells are said to follow that ratio too and Gary's ass follows the shape of his shell. So Gary's ass follows the golden ratio too.

Thus, it is only fair to conclude , that not only Garygotcake but that Gary's ass is aesthetically pleasing to the eye of the average human being. Gary's cake is one of the finest cakes that ever existed and that's just a fact.

But I am not done just yet. I need to prove to you that the green inspirational quote from merlin and Gary are the same being.

Well, lets take a look at some of the things that we know from the Spongebob show and our general pop culture knowledge.

In the dream episode of the Spongebob Show Bob , while he is asleep, visits Gary's dream. Then, through Bob's eyes, we see that Gary is not just a dumb snail but a superior being with a huge mind palace that seems to have gathered all the knowledge available in the world. The season 1 episode in question is called "Sleepy Time" for anyone who wishes to check it out. I am leaving this pic of dream Gary here ,just to give you an idea of what I am talking about.

In the "SB-129" episode form the 1st season of the SpongeBob SquarePants show Squidward accidentally freezes himself and ends up 2000 years into the future and has to use a time machine to come back to his own timeline. So we deduce that not only time travel is possible but there's a functioning time machine somewhere in bikini bottom.

In the " Chatterbox Gary" episode from season 11, Bob buys Gary a meow-translator. This is one of the first thing that Gary says when he is able to be understood in english :

I am putting the image of Bob's vision here too.

My last point is that Kilgary is green and if there's one thing that the "Kissing the coronavirus" book by M.J. Edwards taught us is that green=hot=coronavirus. So it is obvious that kilgary must have been infected by the virus at some point in his life.

So we have one super smart snail which dreams of World Domination and has an easy access to a time machine and a glorified serpent that lives under camelot's palace and must have been infected by a virus that wont appear for another 1500 years.

So the conclusion is simple:

Gary, the snail, got tired of his life as SpongeBob's servant so he decided to go and see the world. He took Squidward's time machine with him but he didn't use it immediately. Unfortunately for him ,his travels made him end up in Dr Ashingtonford's lab where he was used as a test subject and got infected with the deadly virus. He felt the virus changing his body so he decided to use the time machine and travel into the past where he wouldn't be treated like a lab rat anymore. He traveled 2000 years back , changed his name into Kilgharrah and became the first dragon to ever existed. Being the evil genius that he is , he mutated more snails into dragons and put forward his word domination plan until Uther came , killed all the other dragons and captured Gary in the dungeons.

Some applications of the theorem include the following:

Kilgary knows the future bc he comes from the future.

The existence of dragonlords is explained by the mere fact that Gary, an all powerful being himself was bound to follow Bob's orders and that "curse" if you will was passed to his descendants. (The other dragons)

[flyingupward]

critical role - vox machina chapter 4 - attack of the conclave

all sentences taken from episodes 39-56 of the first campaign of critical role. feel free to change pronouns, phrasing etc. to fit your needs!

“All this time, you’ve been trying to kick my teeth in and your true enemy was right over there.”

“That’s good. Moving is not my forte.”

“We’re in a hentai. Make it go away.”

“Not all short people look alike.”

“God, I wish I was not made of farts.”

“We live in a cold, cold world. No one deserves anything.”

“You chose so poorly. It is truly impressive how poorly you chose.”

“Stay away from all men. Forever.”

“I’m glad I came in handy for that field trip.”

“I hate your friends!”

“Little do they know I shop for everything at Home Goods so joke’s on them.”

“It’s just radioactive material in the basement. It’s fine.”

“Somehow the coffee has not been poured on your head. That’s the greatest magic trick I’ve seen all morning.”

“Everything else was dragons. Why wouldn’t it be dragons?”

“Sorry, I was so caught up in the fact that I’m literally going up against death incarnate.”

“You’re a magnificent handsome bastard. Don’t die.”

“Do not go far from me.”

“He’s just a sociopath, that’s all.”

“There are dragons outside and we’re playing rugby with a fucking skull!”

“A simple mind is looking for a simple solution to a complex problem.”

“I’m a firm believer that there’s always a way to victory if we’re smart about it and we’re quick about it.”

“We either stand now or we might as well be dead.”

“We try, we mostly fail, but occasionally we get it right.”

“It was such a bad deal I said no. Can you imagine how bad of a deal it must have been?”

“No offense darling, but you look like shit.”

“If we’re going to be roaming about the streets, I’d like you to not fall open like a can of baked beans if you don’t mind.”

“Let’s not get overexcited about the sudden realization that some of us can be a bit iffy.”

“Thank you for that smattering of applause.”

“I have one of those terrible ideas I get on occasion.”

“This is politics. You’re not supposed to like them.”

“You can talk my fucking ear off in a moment. Shut up for a second.”

“If the parasite hasn’t a host to feed on, the parasite dies.”

“I never forget that when I rule, I rule these people as well.”

“One day, you’re going to stop being afraid of me and I hope that day comes soon.”

“There’s no swinging by, that’s a caper.”

“It will be built back better than before. That’s what we do.”

“We have a lot of Pop Tarts, but not very many gold pieces.”

“This is where I live. What are you doing here?”

“I’m cold and I still haven’t been paid.”

“We’re not trying to score points. We are trying to do right.”

“This is fucking happy fun bunch over here. They bring death with them everywhere they go.”

“And to think I might have briefly missed you.”

“You have to find the no name guy who’s going to help you find the stuff that’s hidden that nobody knows where it is or what it is.”

“What do you want to do? Do you want to stay here while the world burns?”

“World’s always ending, baby.”

“It would be wondrous, after we complete this transaction, that we never meet again.”

“Oh my God, I just buy healing to save my life, what a waste.”

“I’m going to stand over here and fail to stay in character, okay?”

“Let’s all have a toast to the inevitability of the universe.”

“My God, I love other people’s problems.”

“Are we sober yet?”

“I think her foolish impulses are exactly what we’re looking for.”

“Better to die a fool for something than live in regret for doing nothing.”

“I think we want her to do her stupidest.”

“You’re… brooding.”

“I tend to glaze over when he’s talking.”

“Lead the way, shitkicker.”

“A lot of your friends are very weird.”

“I would just like to point out that I’m mostly sober.”

“That’s okay because remember, I’m me.”

“I’d like to stand up, please.”

“I’m scared to death which is why the math is so bad.”

“I’ve met few as unremarkable as you in my travels.”

“Well then, we’re in trouble. I have an attitude about everything.”

“Yeah, there’s like 37 things we have to do before tomorrow so… ”

“She’s not really gonna care about court so much as ripping the bones from your back.”

“I thought you were gonna tell me a dirty joke or something. When you say, ‘Come here,’ that’s usually what that means.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s going to be daylight if we’re underground.”

“I’m really hoping that it’s the worst decision we make because then everything’s uphill.”

“I like who we are together and I think that that’s important.”

“Dying in slow motion over here.”

“Oh good, more darkness.”

“Oh my God, you’re going into a special section of your book. That’s never good.”

“I’m very aware that my greed killed me.”

“Oh, I must have missed it because I was dead. That’s right.”

“Do you have feelings and did that hurt them?”

“I’m pretty tired after dying.”

“I think I love you too. I’m just terrified to allow myself to.”

“We are a city of seasonal affective disorder.”

“So I heard a rumor that you sort of saved my life in a really creepy sort of way.”

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you my Pokemon.”

“Your secret is safe with my indifference.”

“I always fucking hear you in my mind. It’s very quiet in there these days.”

“If it becomes a problem, just raise your hand and scream.”

“Our lives are so bizarre now.”

“Why is my brain tingling? Is someone noodling around up there?”

“You know what? It’s just fire. I will be on fire.”

“Did someone lose an orb?”

“Are we really about to pretend to do CrossFit?”

“Not enough spit takes in the world for this moment in time.”

“Beyond it being an engineering issue, it might be a greed issue first.”

"She's an adult. Deep levels of arrested development, but an adult nonetheless."

“Retroactively, you’ve never been seen in your entire lives.”

“You take everything good away from all of us.”

“It’s not one problem, it’s a very large problem and a massive problem.”

“Those that give a fuck, speak up.”

“We’ve lived half our life in the shadows. You’ve made them your home.”

“I love my reckless brother as much as he hurts my heart.”

“Duck hunt’s a bitch.”

“This is so dumb. Why am I doing this?”

“Congratulations, you’re creepy as fuck.”

“Give me this you fucking hoarder. What’s the matter with you?”

“I will smite you.”

“I was born to shove things in holes.”

“Knowledge is power, for reals!”

“Are we time bandits now? Is that what’s happening?”

“I hate time travel. I hate time travel so much.”

“No worries. I didn’t need to live anyway.”

“Perhaps it’s time to be a better badass.”

“It’s been a traumatic five minutes.”

“Like any good plan, everything will go wrong.”

“Oh well, I’m fucked then.”

“Oh, tiny dancer, you are fucked.”

“He died as he lived: Deeply unimpressed.”

“Don’t you dare die happy.”

“I like that we managed to make solving problems with violence into an ABC afternoon special.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say, ‘At dawn, we plan.’”

“I genuinely don’t understand the place you come from.”

“That is the weirdest coping mechanism I’ve ever heard of.”

“Maybe we should just sleep together and see what happens.”

“Thank you for telling me the truth after you sort of lied to me.”

“Yeah keep twitching, twitchy.”

“We totally planned at dawn!”

“Everything is terrible. Our lives are terrible. They are way worse than they were six months ago.”

“You are a fucking madman, but I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m fucked. I understand I’m fucked. It’s fine.”

“This was all part of the plan, the hastily smushed together plan.”

“He’s a liar and a bringer of death and he’s smiling at you while he does it.”

“Bravery means nothing. Survival and victory mean everything.”

“Oh shut up, you flying suitcase.”

“You don’t need inspiration, you’re fine!”

“If I move, he’ll kill me. So I won’t.”

“Cursed Lizard! We’re going to give all your gold to the poor!”

“Don’t be so glum you old fool! This is a day of glory!”

“We will all die. It just depends on cost.”

“Oh, wow. You just said a lot of things in a very short amount of time.”

“You are the worst of us.”

“If there’s a dare involved, that’s completely different.”

“I don’t like wanting things.”

“Is it the people or is it the fact that you have finally realized how pointless it all is?”

“I feel like I’ve been lied to my entire goddam life and it’s all crashing down upon me right now.”

“The thing is you’re not wrong and you’re not crazy, but it’s not hopeless either.”

“Even surrounded by friends, I often feel so alone.”

“Thank you for being a friend even though we just met.”

“The terrible woman may have a point.”

“Woo! Good leadership!”

“The awkward woman makes a fine point.”

“It is not about idolizing ourselves, it is about a very long story which we are a very small part of.”

“I’m doing something very stupid now with my friends. We’re going to try to save the world.”

“I admire everyone in our band of misfit toys, but you most of all.”

“You are all kinds of fucked up all the time and that’s why we love you.”

“We’re all all kinds of fucked up and that’s why we all are together.”

“That’s all we can be is ish.”

[pascalls]

Hi! I'd love to learn more about Charlie 😊 I've seen you mention that he was an employee of Burns' - what happened to him for him to become a hybrid? I'm also really interested to know how that affected his personality, and his outlook on things, and whether the way people interact with him has changed since. And has he always lived in Springfield? Apologies if that's too many questions (I really love learning about people's OCs 😊)!

You’ve presented me with an opportunity to go into the lore of my OC and now you have NO ESCAPE. WATCH OUT THIS IS GONNA BE LONG.

Charlie has always lived in Springfield, most likely, and is the result of wealthy parents having absolutely no interest in their own child beyond using him as a bargaining chip, attempting to marry him off to another marginally wealthy family so that they can combine wealth and continue to be rich bitches. He was arranged to marry the daughter of the other family, but unfortunately, he’s primarily gay (he has some women exceptions to the rule, but they’re few and far in between). So an arranged marriage would’ve been miserable and terrible. In an attempt to prepare himself for married life, he has a one-night stand with a woman named Carla who accidentally births a little boy, affectionately named Connor. 

Charlie wants to be present for the boy, but urges Carla to keep his parenthood a secret. Their general incompatibility, Charlie’s pre-arranged commitment, and Carla’s eventual disgust for Charlie’s homosexual tendencies keep her from allowing Charlie to truly act as a parent, though she doesn’t waste time in dropping the child off for days at a time for him to look after. Connor grows up knowing his father, but he isn’t very empowered by his mother. As a result, Connor is a bit of a fearful and quiet kid and both Charlie and Carla are at odds. Charlie considered fighting for custody, but did not, for fear that it would throw his whole arranged marriage deal into chaos. Connor remained a secret from Charlie’s parents throughout his childhood.

He got a job at the plant in his thirties so he could at least attempt to learn some sort of independence before being married off (and perhaps learn how to be a provider for Connor without relying on his own parents’ wealth), but with a penchant for numbers, he just ended up being another pencil pushing accountant. Faced with depression, lack of guidance in his own life, his inability to see his son on the regular, and being enormously closeted, he sort of just lived day by day. (Of course, there were some experiments, like his VERY brief one night stand with a particular lawyer, but that ended in a bitter, catty rivalry that carries on to the day.) 

Anyway, my guess is that Burns had it in mind to use some of the plant workers as an attempt to harness the radioactivity that just kind of FLOATS around there to combine animal DNA with human DNA and create super-workers that would be much more efficient and trainable, but would complain less about health benefits. Charlie was just the unlucky first pick for guinea pig. He disappeared at the plant for several weeks while his genetic code got all sorts of messed up and only escaped with the help of the other idiot plant workers that didn’t do their due diligence at locking up the section of the plant that Burns had him tucked away in. But now he looked like a horrible mutant - in his opinion - and he holed up in somewhere in the woods until nightfall. 

Once night came around - it was raining too, which didn’t help - he made a break for it to try and hide out somewhere in the town. Unfortunately, a certain reverend decided to accidentally plow into Charlie with his car and had to drag him home to his basement because 1) he couldn’t tell the cops that he’d just killed someone, if Charlie ended up dead 2) this thing isn’t human. When Charlie eventually came to in Lovejoy’s basement, he decided that this was the opportunity he had to live a new life. Be someone entirely different (though why he didn’t change his name is his own particular brand of stupidity, but luckily, Burns’ little pet project was soon forgotten by the man himself and Smithers is reluctant to give Charlie away because he’s not that invested). 

So he let his hair grow, let himself be more open about his sexuality, and took up smoking and drinking (and a number of drugs to cope with the trauma of having your entire body changed without your consent), and now is the over-the-top, sometimes wildly inappropriate gay lizard you now see today, though he still does his best for his son, whose mother is only marginally aware of anything that happens in town. His parents were told that he had died in a tragic accident and seem to be just fine with that. They’ve not made any attempts to find him themselves and his previously arranged fiance found another man to wed.

BUT HIS NEW LIFE IS STILL NOT WITHOUT ITS STRUGGLES. He falls in love with the stupid sardonic nature of Reverend Lovejoy and constantly works to undermine the man’s religion (though he’s marginally careful about boundaries, i.e.: he would never disparage Helen, nor would he take it upon himself to sabotage their marriage), but he’s relatively unsuccessful. He falls deeper and deeper, further complicating things when he dons a hokey Halloween costume so he can go out and live a life free of persecution because of his non-human nature. He takes on the role of a new-age plague doctor (despite knowing next to nothing about medicine), and gets a job at Springfield Elementary as the school nurse (despite not having any credentials, but who does). 

He regularly attends church - just for the sake of being present in town - and finds an enemy in Ned Flanders who takes up far too much of Lovejoy’s time for Charlie’s envious nature to be satisfied with - and bounces wildly between pining for a man he can’t have and trying to keep himself from constantly throwing hands with Flanders (who has a suspicion that Charlie is some kind of demon presence put on Earth to turn the reverend away from God, which incidentally, might not be that inaccurate). 

Most people in Springfield never knew his name before, and thus don’t make the connection between who he is now and who he was before, but he is careful with divulging too much personal information to anyone. Despite that, he regularly explores intimacy with other men because of his desire to be appreciated, loved, and doted on (which he is most certainly not getting from Lovejoy), including several nights spent with Smithers who becomes a bit of a confidante. On that note, while he does his best to maintain his secret, there are a number of people who know that he is not human, including Marge (a mother-figure to him, despite them being the same age, but she gives him good advice), Lisa (because she isn’t dumb), Superintendent Chalmers and Principal Skinner (both involved in some shenanigans that need a lot more context to get into lmaoo), and eventually, Sam the barfly. 

As he is now, Charlie is constantly looking for some kind of reassurance in the form of affection, but is increasingly frustrated by Lovejoy’s insistence that there is nothing between them, despite evidence to the contrary and heavily influenced by the man’s (and his own internalized) apparent homophobia. (I made an animatic with them several weeks ago and it very much embodies their dynamic.) He buries himself in drinking and drugs to chase away his feeling of inadequacy and his fears of being a good parent, as well as his realization that his parents never truly cared, how he is slated to be relatively alone for the rest of his life, and the fear that he will never be normal again. But he combats this deep depression with his over-the-top personality, at times, and his smarmy, self-absorbed facade of confidence that would shatter if anyone poked a little too hard at it.

AND THAT’S WHERE HE IS NOW.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

[nataliedanovelist]

GF - All Star

Summary: A deep, dark secret about Ford is slowly revealed to his family, and he’s not ready.

For Skaleigh, wherever she may be...

~~~~~~~~~~

A few days after Weirdmegeddon, Ford was exiting the basement, taking a break from cleaning it out today. Stan had been recovering from his memory loss beautifully and so Ford decided to get a certain chore done on this rainy day. He could hear something, however, that made him freeze as a shiver ran down his spine and his race turned as red as his sweater.

“... start coming and they don't stop coming,

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running.

Didn't make sense not to live for fun.

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.”

Recognizing who’s voice that was, Ford began to relax. The sweet smell of vanilla and sugar graced his schnoz and he followed the music to the kitchen. There, Mabel was in her little pink apron over her sprinkle-sweater, dancing around the kitchen as she mixed icing with food coloring in little bowls. The radio was playing on the kitchen table, a little dirty with flour, and the whole kitchen was a mess, but Ford couldn't help but smile at his beautiful niece as her hair flew everywhere as she danced and sang her heart out. When the chorus came, she banged her head and put the bowl of light-blue icing on the counter to dance more freely.

“Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play!

Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid!

And all that glitters is gold!

Only shooting stars break the mold.”

At the words “shooting stars”, Mabel attempted a flip and fell on her face, just like she did at the dance party at the beginning of summer. Ford winced and made a move towards her, slightly emerging from his hiding spot at the doorway, but stopped when Mabel sprung up, unhurt, and declared to herself and the kitchen, “I’m okay!” Her eyes landed on her uncle and she grinned. “Grunkle Ford! Whatcha doin’?”

“I thought I would take a break from cleaning.” Ford explained casually with a shrug while Mabel turned down the radio a little so they could talk better. “Having fun?”

“Yeah!” Mabel pointed to the twelve cupcakes that were cooling on the stove and said, “I’m making everyone a snack. Want one?”

“I would love one, my dear. Thank you.”

“Ah, ah.” Mabel wiggled a finger at him. “You have to do something for it, first.”

Ford raised an eyebrow at her and held his cleft chin. “Oh?”

Mabel opened the drawer she knew Ford kept his apron in and pulled out his old My Other Oven is a Bunsen apron. “You have to decorate the cupcakes with me.”

Ford grinned and happily accepted the protective clothing against stains. “Well, I suppose it’s only fair that I help you if I’m going to have one. Do we have to share with Stanley and Dipper?”

“Nope!” Mabel giggled. “We can eat them all ourselves! Six each!”

Ford laughed alongside her and she gave him a small bowl of white icing to color however he wanted. He carefully added a few drops of green, seeing how Mabel had already made blue and red and was working on yellow, and she began to dance a little again and she jumped into song.

“Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas?

I need to get myself away from this place.

I said ‘Yep what a concept,

I could use a little fuel myself,

And we could all use a little change.’”

Ford chuckled, mixing the icing, and he couldn’t help himself; he made himself jump in.

“Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming,

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running.

Didn't make sense not to live for fun.

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.”

Mabel gasped in shock for a number of reasons. A) She had never heard Grunkle Ford sing before. 2) She didn’t think he would know this song, let alone the words. And D) His voice was actually very pretty. Mabel grinned and they happily sang together until the song changed to a commercial for Cam’s Camshafts and they began to decorate the cupcakes.

~~~~~~~~~~

Stan yawned as he stretched his tired limbs. He had been sitting out on the deck of the Stan O’ War II, watching the sun set, and he was now in a sleepy trance. Time to put on some warm, fuzzy pajamas and turn on the little TV in the kitchen.

Stan went into his shared bedroom and stopped when he accidentally walked in on Ford in a towel, his back to the entrance and unaware of the intruder as he dug through his drawer for new clothes. Stan was careful to be quiet and give his jumpy brother some space, planning on leaving him alone, but something caught his eye.

During the Stanswitch, Ford insisted on Stan turning away, uncomfortable with what his twin might see. Despite Stan’s insistence that it wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before, Ford practically begged him not to look, so Stan went along with it until he had shed his suit, leaving only his dark pants and undershirt, and he turned to switch clothes, but he found Ford bent over, his back littered with dozens of ugly cars, trophies for surviving out in the Multiverse for thirty years. Stan had thought that this was the reason for Ford’s modesty and thick sweaters (and okay, sure, the guy had always been a little chilly), but maybe there was another reason.

Stan grinned. No. Way. He slipped away, deciding he would enjoy making fun of Ford when he would least expect it, and he immediately left for the kitchen silently and quickly texted Dipper and Mabel.

A few weeks past since Stan knew Ford’s secret and he had pocketed it away as his “secret weapon”; of course, Dipper and Mabel knew and Stan wished he could have seen the looks on their faces or heard them laugh, but oh well. The kids swore to keep it between the two of them, but Stan wouldn’t be surprised if all of Gravity Falls kenw at this point. Something to look forward to this summer.

Stan had half-forgotten about Ford’s secret until they were at a small shop in Liverpool, England and something jogged the old conman’s memory. A CD was sitting in a 50% off bucket and Stan could have sworn a beam of light from Heaven was shining on the little box. Stan snatched it and hid it in his jacket for later.

The next day Stan couldn’t wait any longer. They were gently coasting on the Irish Sea, the spring weather being warm and calm and pleasant. Ford was out on the deck, reading a map, and Stan sat their radio down, the disc already in place. “Hey Sixer,” It took everything in Stan to hide his snicker. “Mind if I play some music?”

Ford hardly looked up from the map. “Huh? Oh sure, Stanley. Go ahead.”

With the biggest grin Stan had probably ever made in his life, he pressed play.

SomeBODY once told me the world is gonna roll me,

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.

Ford’s polydactyl hands clenched the map so tightly it nearly destroyed the papered material. He lowered it as his face blushed so furiously it matched his maroon sweater perfectly. Sweat was dripping from his forehead profoundly, his eyebrows were nearly hidden in his fluffy hair, they were so high, and his eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

Stan snorted, trying to contain his laughter just a little bit longer. “You like this song, don't you? Oh man, here comes my FAVORITE part!” And to make sure he could embarrass his brother as much as he could, Stan sang along.

“Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play!

Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid!

And all that glitters is gold! (I like gold.)

Only shooting stars break the mold.”

And then Stan couldn’t hold it any longer. He busted into a huge fit of laughter, holding his ribs and wheezing as Ford sheepishly lowered his head into the map and hid in shame. When the song was over and Stan was slowing down in his laughing, Ford snapped and spun around, crumpling the map down and scowling.

“How did you find out?!” He demanded, still incredibly red in the face, even his ears were pink.

“I’m your twin, Genius,” Stan huffed, whipping his eyes dry of tears. “I’m bound to notice a couple of things when stuck on a boat with you. I gotta ask, though, why in Moses’ name…”

“It wasn’t intentional, I can assure you of that.” Ford said to try to preserve his dignity. “I had fought a battle alongside a tribe of octopus-armed warrior piglets since they shared their food and water with me. They were quite friendly, unlike the gang of penguin-finned lizards we encountered. It is customary for their tribe to have a grand party after a battle is won in which they all get tattoos. I had misjudged how… erm, intoxicated their drinks would make me, and when it was my turn to get a tattoo of my choosing, I had a certain song stuck in my head and sung it out loud, so the artist delivered my drunken request."

Stan burst into another fit of laughter, one that oddly sounded friendlier than the last one. Like, Ford was supposed to laugh with him. Ford, despite still being very red and embarrassed, couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, man! That’s gotta be your best story from out in the Multiverse yet!”

Ford saw that as a challenge and sat in one of the chairs to get comfortable. “I can think of at least five better stories.”

Stan quickly sat in the other chair like an excited child for a new movie and Ford dove into telling of some of the more fun-filled adventures he had experienced.

~~~~~~~~~~

Summer of 2014 was upon them and the Pines couldn’t be happier. The kids were joyous to be where they felt at home, and even though the old sailors were living the dream, it would be nice to take a three-month break and see their favorite pair of twins.

About two weeks after an emotional reunion, the kids were gently reminded of something they had on their Summer bucket-list.

Much like Stan, they planned their little attack carefully so they may truly enjoy their uncle’s misery. The gift shop was open, but slow. Wendy was behind the counter, Soos was reading a comic book and sitting on a closed barrel, and Dipper and Mabel were grinning like crazy on the porch, the screen door wide open. Mabel popped the CD in the radio and turned up the volume.

SomeBODY once told me the world is gonna roll me,

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.

She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.

Mabel immediately jumped into rap-like singing, dancing around the porch. Dipper chuckled, hands in his pocket and tapping his foot, but Soos laughed, put down the comic, and took Mabel’s hands to dance. They giggled as they tried to sing along, and at the chorus they stopped dancing so they could sing the lyrics as loud as they could.

“Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play!

Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid!

And all that glitters is gold! 

Only shooting stars break the mold.”

Wendy was banging her head, red hair flying everywhere. Stan suddenly showed up in his boxers and slippers, grinning, and said over the music, “I was awoken by the sound of mockery through pop music! I want in!” He bumped his hips against Dipper to make him move and he danced obnoxiously, making his nephew laugh and dance a little more enthusiastically. 

A little later, at the halfway point of the song, Ford stood at the screen door with a puzzled look. “What’s going on…?”

“Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play!

Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid!

And all that glitters is gold! (I like gold.)

Only shooting stars…”

Ford looked like he had a sunburn on his entire face. He swallowed, making his Adam’s Apple bobble, and his jaw was tight. Stan laughed at his face and hollered, “THERE’S the man of the hour!”

“Come on, Stan Two, you love this song, right?” Wendy teased.

“Oh no…”

“C’mon, Dr. Pines, wanna dance?” Soos asked, still dancing with Mabel.

“Oh, here comes my favorite part…” Mabel chimed in.

“Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play!

Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid!

And all that glitters is gold!

Only shooting stars break the mold.”

Ford slammed the door shut. The five were as still as statues, wincing a little. “Did we take it too far?” Dipper asked.

“Ah, let the big baby be mad for a minute if he wants to.” Stan said, ruffing up his hat. “I’ll go talk to him in a minute…”

But then the door was kicked open by Ford’s boot and his friends and family were startled to find him heavily armed with water guns. “ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD!” He sang, and then shot everyone with water.

Everyone broke into hefty laughter and ran for it. The old scientist was hot on their tails, but Mabel managed to slip away to the closet filled with emergency water-guns and balloons. She hurried back to the battle and tossed everyone some weapons, and soon it was a confused mess of soaked clothes, loud laughter, and exploding balloons.

At one point during the fun fight, he paused to take off his glasses and wipe the water from them. Mabel accidentally bumped into his leg and smiled sheepishly at him, expecting to be sprayed without mercy, but Ford hoisted her up in his shoulders and they worked together. Up three feet higher than she was used to being, Mabel could see things she normally couldn’t. Like a certain tattoo barely poking out of the turtleneck, only visible because Mabel’s weight was pulling the sweater down enough. 

She smiled at it, finding it very pretty, and in the midst of the chaos, considered the idea of one day getting one herself.

[lady-divine-writes]

Fic prompt "Open your eyes? Please? Do this for me?" for GO. Love your writing, btw

Hey, nonnie! Thank you so much :) Here goes. Hope you like it

In Trade

Crowley doesn’t enjoy working underground.

The noise-sucking quiet, the oily darkness that snuffs out even the strongest lights, the stench of earth, the dampness that seeps through his clothes and into his skin …

Some creatures find comfort in these things but Crowley never has. It’s the closest one can come to the experience of being entombed alive, which he has been once or twice.

Not for long though. And mostly just for show.

Unfortunately for Crowley, Hell happens to be the basement of the whole Goddamned planet, so there are times he can’t avoid it. But he doesn’t spend more time down there than he needs. Below ground is where the world forgets about you.

Which is why Evil tends to reside there – scheming and dealing and lying in wait.

Like this latest pet project of Hastur’s, grown from the seedier alleys of SoHo downward, churning through the underbelly of the city.

A bordello - one that appeals to a very specific clientele with detestable desires.

And Crowley doesn’t approve.

As demons, they’re supposed to influence humans to act upon their baser instincts not physically create the means for them to do so. If Hastur wants so badly to infiltrate the sex worker industry, then he should get the humans to build their own bordellos. Of course, humans have been doing that for thousands of years without demonic influence, and worse.

That’s the problem.

Like Crowley told Aziraphale ages ago, humans come up with much more diabolical ways to bring each other down than he ever could so he’d often let them have at it. Is it his fault that Hell commends him for things that were never his doing? The First Barbary War, the Second Barbary War, Fulani Jihad in Nigeria – he got the credit but he was asleep when all of that went down.

Best century of sleep he’s ever had really.

Hastur doesn’t have anything close to Crowley’s reputation (or dumb luck), but that’s because they spend a great deal of their time below. But they crave the recognition. And this haven of sin has managed to reap some pretty remarkable souls for their Master – everyone from celebrities to clergy.

Crowley can’t stomach it. He would rather be creative with regards to his tempting than to simply put a gun in someone’s hand and aim it for them. This masterpiece of Hastur’s is on a level of Evil that Crowley, even as a demon, doesn’t subscribe to. He feels that Hastur has gone a bit too far, but seeing as it has tipped the scales in Hell’s favor, Beelzebub chooses to routinely overlook some of the finer points of the demon’s plan.

But it’s a slave trade, pure and simple.

Crowley has seen slave trades - centuries of humans caging fellow humans and using them against their will as labor, guinea pigs, or for sex.

That’s what this is. A sex slave trade.

And some of the slaves that Crowley has seen being held here are children.

It turns his stomach to the point of wringing dry but he’s not in a position to say anything. Demons by the hundreds work down here, lurking in the shrouded corners, overseeing the day to day in order to raise their own numbers. Crowley can’t possibly fight all of them single-handed.

If he can sneak Aziraphale down here to bless them, maybe this can get sorted out without anyone knowing he was involved.

“So what do you think, Crowley?” Ligur asks, closing in on the end of his unsolicited tour. Hastur had summoned Crowley down there – to gloat, more than likely. But they’re nowhere to be seen, so Ligur has been playing guide. “Impressive, wouldn’t you say?”

“That’s one word for it,” Crowley grumbles, ambling along the yards of musty hallways, peeking over the frames of his glasses into room after room. They all look the same – a table, a lamp, and a single bed with some poor, hypnotized bastard chained to it. Crowley gets no joy out of this, unlike Ligur, beaming villainously, particularly when they pass a room housing a whimpering teenage boy and Crowley grinds his teeth together.

“Don’t be a sore loser just because you didn’t think of it … then again, you wouldn’t have, would you?”

“Probably not,” Crowley says, massaging his tense jaw. “The zoning laws alone must be a nightmare …”

“Always with the jokes, you.” Ligur grimaces in disgust, presuming disrespect by this clown for Hastur, an esteemed Duke of Hell. “That’s not what I mean and you know it. You have a soft spot for these mortals, don’t you?”

Crowley chuckles. It’s hollow, rather unconvincing, but he’s never actually cared what Hastur’s pet lizard ever thought of him, Duke or no. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I only care about one being on that miserable marble of a planet and that’s me. That’s all.”

Ligur snickers. “I bet. Speaking of, Hastur has arranged something special for you. Sort of a consolation prize, seeing as you won’t be the favorite around Hell anymore. Not when things here get off the ground.”

Crowley looks at the demon with his eyes popped, not a single clue what that could mean and not in the least eager to find out. “Oh, uh … I … no. That’s alright. I’ll abstain.”

“Are you sure? Because I think you’re going to want to see this.”

There’s a surreal sing-song quality to Ligur’s voice that leaves Crowley cold. Ligur is an old-school demon with no sense of humor that Crowley knows of. Even the sarcastic quips he’s come up with are uncharacteristic for him. His attitude over the past hour can best be described that way.

Uncharacteristic, but in a cocky way.

Confident.

Yes, that’s it.

He’s confident about something. Something he thinks can make Crowley change his tune.

That thought sends armies of sharpened steel nails crawling up Crowley’s spine.

“Fine,” Crowley says, grousing to cover up this new and very real concern. He suddenly feels he’s walking into a trap, and like an imbecile, he waltzed into it willingly. “I’ll take a look. Why not, right? While I’m down here. Before I go. Seeing as you lads went through the trouble ...”

Ligur leads Crowley further into the labyrinth of this bordello, hallways winding in on themselves, opening at the last, then leading to new ones. Farther and farther they walk - down, Crowley suspects when the air gets chiller and the torches around them flicker, each one after burning lower and lower, struggling to find air to breathe. With each step, the hallway gets darker, quieter, more removed from the hustle and bustle they left. Crowley stops seeing rooms before they ever reach the final hallway, no more poor souls trapped against their will. There is one room up ahead – a single doorway that this hallway was built to house.

That fact disturbs him on its own.

But it’s the light coming from the room that raises every alarm in Crowley’s body, every hair on his skin standing entirely on end.

A soft blue glow.

A familiar blue glow.

So familiar, in fact, that Crowley calls out before he’s even at the room.

“Aziraphale?”

Crowley runs for it, forgoing the cool, calm, and detached act he’d been plying until he could get himself out of here and go for help. He slides into the doorway, the slick soles of his snakeskin shoes finding no traction on the smooth stone floor. Crowley expects to see the same as the other rooms – a table, a lamp, and a bed. But there’s none of that here, and their absence makes the scene in front of him that more sinister.

In the center of the room he sees an angel on their knees, white wings extended outward in both directions, kept spread and aloft by chains dangling from the ceiling wrapped around the joints. The angel looks like Aziraphale, but in many ways not like Aziraphale. He looks ethereal but artificially so, as if his wings, hair, and skin have been miracled to appear whiter than they would normally whilst down here with Evil slowly seeping into his brain. He’s bound, arms behind his back tied from elbows to wrists in a complicated gauntlet made of steel rope, simmering with the subtle red cast of damnation so they can’t be miracled away by holy magic, the ends locked around his ankles, giving him no slack to stand. He’s been re-dressed from his usual attire into a loose-fitting drape of a garment, reminiscent of their robes from Eden, only this one has no sleeves and a neckline so baggy Crowley can see straight down to the angel’s chest and back. Aziraphale’s exposed skin seems to be marked, carved with symbols whose origins Crowley doesn’t know.

It’s not just the marks on Aziraphale’s skin that bother Crowley. There’s a hardness to his face. Instead of looking peaceful in this semi-sleep state, he looks charged, ready to fight.

Ready to kill.

Crowley glares at Ligur, his eyes behind dark lenses burning like a sulfuric flame. “What have you done to him?”

Ligur grins. Crowley doesn’t scare him. Who cares if he is one of Satan’s favorites? He’s a joke. A fool. Hastur tells them constantly. Vain and insipid Anthony J Crowley, who drives a human car, wears human clothes, drinks human alcohol, lives among them like a native.

And worst of all – who fell in love with an angel.

“Wat? We’ve done nuthin’ to him. Nuthin’ at all.”

“Then what the Hell are those marks!?”

“They’re demonic locks, meant to keep him down here. Hastur’s latest and greatest idea …”

“Hassstur …” Crowley hisses under his breath. “That ssson-of-a …”

There’s no reason for Hastur to devise such a plan against the angels. Demons don’t kidnap angels. That’s not in the nature of their battle against one another. Besides, Gabriel and Beelzebub are too egotistical to let their sides duke it out on their own and risk anyone rising victorious without the virtue of their leadership. So in their infinite wisdom, they decide when and where wars between angels and demons take place.

Another one’s due in about eleven years – an all or nothing, take no prisoners battle between good and evil – so such a weapon would be pointless.

Which means these locks were created to target Aziraphale and Aziraphale alone.

But this doesn’t end with Aziraphale. Crowley would be blind not to see it.

Capturing Aziraphale and bringing him below ground, binding him to this place and then parading him in front of Crowley …

… this was a plan by Hastur to get to Crowley as well.

Either to exact revenge or to figure out where his loyalties lie.

“Each demon put one on, that means each demon would need to unlock their own for the angel to leave, so don’t get any bright ideas. Unless …”

Crowley’s eyes don’t leave his angel’s face. Only a single raised brow signals that he’s still listening. “Unless …?”

Ligur shrugs as if the answer to Crowley’s question is ridiculously obvious. “If you corrupt him, you can save him.”

Crowley swallows hard.

Corrupt Aziraphale?

Make him fall?

Crowley can’t do that, not even to save him from this. Of course the horrific truth is he’ll have to if there is no other way. Would Aziraphale understand?

Would he forgive him?

“And how do you expect me to do that?”

“I don’t know. You’re an expert on corrupting humans. You spend all your time with them. I’m sure you can think of something.”

“Ligur!” Crowley growls at the demon’s back as they begin to saunter away.

“He’s already on his knees,” Ligur says, waving a dismissive hand. “That’s a good start from what I hear. Use your imagination.”

Ligur’s cruel, throaty laugh echoes as a door appears, just to slide closed behind them. It seals out the light, plunging Crowley and Aziraphale into total darkness. The only hint of illumination Crowley sees comes from the angel himself, but only just. Overwhelmed by the Evil around them, it’s fainter than Crowley has ever seen.

And growing even more so.

Which means he may be running out of time.

If that light goes out, Aziraphale won’t need Crowley to corrupt him.

The deed will be done.

The only difference is Aziraphale may turn on him after.

Crowley has often suspected (backed by things he’s seen and things he’s heard) that if Aziraphale were to fall, it would need to be at Crowley’s hand, or else he risks Aziraphale becoming his enemy. It’s the nature of demons to avoid one another when possible, be distrustful of each other constantly.

In his wickedest dreams, he’d hoped that if Aziraphale ever fell, it would be whilst the two of them made love, wrapped in each other’s arms.

Then they could be with each other forever.

If that is to be the way of it, Crowley refuses to let that happen here.

But will he have a choice?

Crowley drops to his knees. “Angel!?” He grabs Aziraphale’s upper arms and gives him a shake. “Can you hear me?”

“Mmm … Crowley?” Aziraphale replies, the voice sliding between his lips a mixture of the one Crowley knows and something tainted and coarse.

“Thank God,” Crowley breathes before he can catch himself. “Angel? I need you to open your eyes and look at me. Can you do that?”

Aziraphale hums in response. “I’ll … I’ll try.”

“Don’t try! Do it, Aziraphale!” Crowley’s head falls forward, his forehead finding Aziraphale’s and pressing gently against it. “Please, Aziraphale? Open your eyes. Do this for me. I need to make sure …” Crowley can’t finish, the words clogging his throat, wrenching his windpipe shut.

“All … all right.” Aziraphale clears his throat in between but it does nothing. Every word becomes rougher, the lyrical nature of his angelic voice eaten away. “I’ll … try.” His face scrunches as his eyelids pull, fighting to split and look upon his demon. Crowley hears him groan with the effort, this small task Herculean for some unknown reason.

Except there is one Crowley can think of, and it makes what’s left of his soul wither with the agony of defeat.

After several tense seconds of active praying on Crowley’s part, Aziraphale tips his head up, opens his eyes … and a single word escapes Crowley’s mouth. “No,” he says, shaking his head. “Please, God … no,” as Aziraphale comes to and blinks blood red eyes.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 233: At Least He Has Some Spares

Previously on BnHA: Twice made a duplicate League of Villains to take on Re-Destro. Re-Destro took this in stride and very calmly inflated his left fucking arm and slapped the whole lot of them so hard that most of them literally died. But the clone Shigaraki survived somehow and scuffled with RD for a bit while RD told him the story of how his great-great-granddad was born with a quirk and his mom was like “please be kind to my baby” and society was like “nah” and then they killed her too just for good measure. Anyway so this was of course the original Destro’s Origin Story, and his mother later on became a kind of martyr figure once society began rethinking their whole outlook on the whole superpower thing, and they even borrowed the term “quirk” from her as a way of trying to honor her I guess. But Destro and his descendants weren’t happy with the fact that quirks are still regulated and ~suppressed~ and blah blah blah, so I guess in RD’s mind this gives him justification to be a massive dick and wantonly murder people left and right. It’s all very political and complicated. Anyway, so in the end the Actual Tomura came over to RD’s tower and used his quirk and the tower came crumbling down, and now Tomura and Re-Destro are gonna fight.

Today on BnHA: We jump around Deika City getting updates on the rest of the League. Twice is currently trying to save Toga while Skeptic sneaks up on them both. Spinner is duking it out with Hanabata and his squad of Dudes With Spikes All Over Them And Stuff. We learn that Spinner’s quirk really is just “Lizard Quirk. That’s It. That’s The Quirk”, which, fine, whatever then. Dabi and Blue Bunny and Compress are off somewhere, presumably. Slidin’ Go is directing traffic and about to be flattened by Gigantomachia (or so we can hope). Giran is running off with one of the clone Twices (“running off” as in to safety, as opposed to them getting married or something. although). And Tomura is having his hand ripped off by a Hulkified Re-Destro and his newly revealed Stress quirk! Just, plucked right the fuck off, like a flower petal. It’s pretty horrific! And meanwhile Horikoshi is dipping out to go take an honestly well-deserved vacation, so there won’t be a new chapter next week. So basically just good news all around. Anyhow, so Tomura seems to have his hands full here and it may be time for him to hand in the towel and hand things off to Machia before things get out of hand even more well anyways enjoy the chapter guys.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

so once again I got an Intriguing Anonymous Ask, but I only skimmed it because it seemed to delve into some of the details of the chapter, albeit in a very vague way that probably didn’t actually reveal anything. but one thing I did pick up on was that there may possibly be a break after this week’s chapter? if so I will cry but then I’ll get over it I GUESS

(ETA: well enjoy your hiatus then Horikoshi you knave.)

anyway so let’s get into it

quick observation before I actually start reading the chapter itself -- so apparently the title is “Bright Future”? correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought we already had a chapter with that same title though. chapter 161, also known as the Nighteye Fucking Dies chapter. is the kanji slightly different or something, perhaps? if not that is odd

(ETA: so after reading the chapter, serious question: is this Horikoshi’s idea of a joke, or. ...

but yeah, the kanji is different. or rather, this chapter’s title isn’t written in kanji at all, but in katakana, whereas 161 was written in kanji like normal. as for the why of it, though, your guess is as good as mine. right now “mangaka has a fucked-up sense of humor” is basically at the top of my reasons list.)

anyways, clicking to the actual chapter now, and... oh wow

okay I think I mentioned the movie The Island a few recaps back, and my sincere apologies to everyone for making repeated references to a typically dumb and explosion-y Michael Bay movie where Ewan McGregor tries and fails to speak in an American accent and everything explodes for no reason and the protagonists cause so much collateral damage while being hunted down by the bad guys that you almost start to wonder if it wouldn’t actually be better for everyone if they did just die. but anyway, so I’m sorry to keep coming back to this movie, but -- and spoiler alert for a 14-year-old Michael Bay film you guys -- the plot is basically that scientists figured out how to clone people, and so Rich People immediately proceeded to make clones of themselves to keep for spare parts so that if they ever needed organ donors or the like, they’d have a perfect match available

and anyway, so you can see the connection here, right? basically this is a super-pragmatic application of Twice’s quirk, and I have to applaud the logic and ingenuity, but also bro that’s kind of a fucked-up thing to do though, sob. let’s just make a spare Toga so we can immediately harvest her blood, oh boy. though in fairness it is Toga, so maybe she won’t mind since Harvesting Blood is like her thing

also can we take a moment to appreciate how thoroughly wrecked this Skeptic!Puppet!Twice is, though. the one that’s just lying there dead. like, his leg’s all bent the wrong way and he no longer has a face and I fucking can’t stop staring at it though. I feel better knowing that it wasn’t actually a real person because that’s seriously all kinds of fucked up

anyway now the Twice clones are arguing over who gets to measure Toga. and Horikoshi has honestly built up a lot of goodwill with me over the course of this Mineta-less arc filled with hot Girans and LoV character development, but all the same he’d better watch himself though, because all of that could be gone just like that in an instant if he tries to get cute! so don’t push it dude

(ETA: and not to harp on this or anything, but Twice did clone Toga back during the My Basement Academia arc (in chapter 147), so there wasn’t really a need for this scene to begin with. but whatever, he didn’t really go overboard at least.)

okay good, actual!Twice (? is he the real one?? he’s the only one without a mask and he’s not using his arms so I think it’s him, at any rate) is shouting at the others to get their shit together

Twice Status: Still Hot. wow, and barely two seconds after I made that remark about Horikoshi needing to focus up. should I take my own advice perhaps. eh

oh my god

nooooo now I’m actually really upset that one of them’s gonna get sacrificed for the other! noooo Toga

and now we’re getting additional background information on Twice’s quirk, specifically about the fact that his clones’ appearances and personalities/memories are based on the last time the clone target was measured and the last time Twice saw said target, respectively. makes sense. so anyway because of that the clone Toga is also all beat up

friendly reminder that Toga is only seventeen and still just a kid, albeit a freaky sort of horror movie-type kid. but anyway, so I’m feeling really fucking protective of her though, and I need them to hurry up and save her already!

oh my god

yes, Dabi is the poster boy for great plastic surgery results. staples left in and everything. then again I don’t know how bad off he looked before, though. we still don’t actually know what the original injury was, aside from it obviously having something to do with the whole “his quirk fucking burns him from the inside out” thing we recently learned. you know what might help with that, Horikoshi? a flashback, omg

yuh oh

gonna go out on a limb here and guess that this is Skeptic coming to fix his screw-up before Re-Destro snaps his neck like so many Mitsubishis. or whatever that damn mouse’s name was. Miyashita?? actually I think that was it lol

anyways so let’s now turn the page and confirm if it actually is Skeptic

...confirmed

also, holy shit. just, holy shit to everything. that freaky close-up of the puppets’ faces; that blobby image of one of the puppets being formed; Skeptic’s crazy eyes in the bottom panel; him screaming I HAVEN’T FAILED!!! over and over again, etcetera. just, everything. good lord

and now we’re cutting somewhere else. looks like it’s Spinner and a bunch of the clone Twices dealing with Hanabata’s over-inspired lackeys

Spinner what is your quirk

okay so as he’s fighting he’s doing that shounen thing where he uses his keen observational skills to come up with a strategy on the fly

yes, please feel free to take him out! he’s annoying and he hasn’t done anything interesting, so really he’s just dead weight as far as this arc goes. feel free to use your quirk, too, buddy. if you even have one, holy shit. Horikoshi’s probably keeping it safe in the same place as Kacchan’s hero name

anyway so now he’s fighting his way through the waves of redshirts and trying to reach Hanabata’s van

he’s thinking that his job is to “lighten Shigaraki’s burden, if only a little”

awww. League of Loyal Bastards. I can’t believe there was ever a question of you possibly betraying these guys, Spinner. I’m sorry for doubting you, guy

Hanabata seems worryingly unconcerned, though

who the hell wears their watch on their right hand? what time is it, Hanabata? it’s time for you to fucking die already that’s what

-- oh

so it’s some kind of Magic Quirk Watch then, eh. should have figured as much

also, “A MAN WITH A WEAK SUPERPOWER SUCH AS YOURSELF” oh? please do tell us more about this quirk! also how is it that you of all people know Spinner’s quirk. Giran’s intel, I guess? I’m suddenly really annoyed that the Liberation Army apparently knows more about the LoV than we do. bastards

anyway so now Hanabata’s own quirk is being revealed, so I guess let’s see what that’s all about

okay so this is exactly what we all thought it was based on what we’ve seen of him so far. so I guess this weird mask is basically just a big microphone thing. imagine if his and Mic’s quirks were combined

at any rate if it’s not clear, I really couldn’t give two farts about Hanabata or his quirk and I just want to see Spinner take him out, and then have Gigantomachia show up and save Toga and Twice, and see Tomura kick RD’s ass. oh and Dabi still needs to beat up Rita’s Italian Ice too, I guess

(ETA: okay but Horikoshi would it really be too much to ask for at least one of these things to actually happen oh my god. my poor villain children.)

-- OH MY GOD

EVERYONE SHUT UP SPINNER’S QUIRK IS FINALLY BEING REVEALED AHHHH

lmao was I too invested in this perhaps. all this time and all this mystery and it really does end up being some little lizard quirk that lets him cling to walls? and this is how it’s revealed of all ways? he doesn’t even get an official Quirk Reveal Box?

I mean, this can’t possibly be it. he’s gonna do something badass and unexpected, and then we’ll get his Quirk Box and we’ll all be like, “OH SHIT! SPINNER!” and so forth. right??

(ETA: I seriously can’t decide if this will actually be the case, or if this is another Sports Festival scenario where I’m firmly expecting the typical shounen thing and Horikoshi has something else planned entirely.)

wow

as opposed to you? your power is literally just “I can get stupid people all hyped up.” it’s probably given you an overinflated sense of your own importance, and I can’t wait for you to get one-upped by this lil lizard boy with his ninja turtles costume and the tactical knife he bought on Amazon

oh shit lol

so I guess that’s as good a way as any of syncing up all of this action to one timeline again

heh Hanabata’s panicking a bit

I’m enjoying this, ngl

oh shit!

this motherfucker really popped through a magic quirk hole in the wall and grabbed onto Spinner and suddenly got all spiny just like that oh shit

AHHH

SOMEONE HELP OUR BOY, HE’S BEING PORCUPINED BY FUCKING REDSHIRTS. WHAT IS THIS

now Hanabata’s directing all of the remaining cannon fodder to go and help Re-Destro. well at least that’ll get some of them off of Spinner’s back

YESSSSSSS

GET HIM SPINNER GO FOR THE JUGULAR!!

AHHH SPINNER FLASHBACKS YESSSSS, THE MY FLASHBACKS ACADEMIA ARC CONTINUES

I’ve suddenly been struck by the urgent need to go do my dishes from last night omg. Spinner would it kill you to take the fucking trash out at least

oh shit you guys he’s making a speech!

IT’S HAPPENNIIIIIIING. go, Spinner! speech! and then kick some ass! and then Quirk Reveal Box and “OH SHIT! SPINNER!” just like we planned!!

sob why am I empathizing with this guy who’s getting inspired by Stain and then by Tomura’s “let’s destroy everything! :)” rant of all things. what has this arc done to me. Spinner I can’t relate to you at all omg. but, just like every other member of the League of Villains, at your core you’re really just someone who was searching for a place to belong, and damned if that’s not the most quintessentially human struggle of all

so to sum, you sure picked some questionable role models there but I support you, kid

sure Horikoshi, go ahead and just fling Spinner’s super-weak and boring quirk in my fucking face then! lol okay I get it! it was never meant to be some big reveal to wow us all at a dramatic moment; the whole point is that he’s utterly unremarkable, and it doesn’t matter because despite what the MLA believes, quirks don’t define who a person is. all right, all right. that’s cool then

no you dingus he’s trying to say that even if he doesn’t have a big flashy quirk, y’all ain’t shit either and he’s still going to kick your ass

-- OH SHIT YOU GUYS!!

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO ADVISE YOU ALL THAT OUR HANDSOME BOY GIRAN SURVIVED THE TOWER FALL AND IS FINE AND DANDY! and still handsome! so we all can rest easy now on that account, thank god

omg omg omg

Tomura VS Re-Destro hype intensifies!!

also lmao because I genuinely think he’s asking him for real because he can’t quite sort out reality from his sleep-deprived hallucinations right now

or maybe that shouldn’t be “lmao” on my part, because that’s actually a legitimately concerning thing, there. but I can’t help it guys, he’s so tired and fully and entirely out of fucks, and RD is so fucking screwed and doesn’t even know it and it’s going to be so goddamn satisfying I can’t fucking wait

anyways, no, Tomura. he was not. but he’s apparently got some sort of Hulk quirk. so you just do your best and you sic your own Hulk on him then if need be

yessss he’s talking trash, yes, Tomura!! you’re doing great!!

IT PROBABLY FEELS BAD! I BET! HAHAHA. SUCK IT

LOOK AT THIS YOU GUYS OMG

ranged attacks and everything, now! I wonder if he’s always had this sort of capability and we’ve just never seen it before, or if this is another new development. probably the latter. those six weeks of training really leveled him up

wow even his fucking shoes are disintegrating now

so GiranTwice are getting the fuck out of Dodge, and Giran’s right arm just sort of ends in this big mess of bandages omg

don’t worry Giran, Twice is gonna get Dabi’s plastic surgeon on the job. you will be fine

holy shit you guys would you look at this fucking shounen bullshit

I’m starting to get an inkling that this will be the kind of fight that’s going to look amazing in anime form, but will basically just be a lot of flying rocks and smashing panels in manga form. and I’m prepared for that if that is indeed the case! I have not forgotten what genre this actually is, and that this is still a manga where the main character’s attacks all end in “SMASH!!!”, and every so often we get to a point where the characters who are at the center of the current conflict just have to punch it out. so I’m not going to complain

but I do hope that won’t be all there is to this, though. and ngl, I have higher expectations for BnHA’s fights than for any other manga’s fights, and I’m still expecting a few twists here

(ETA: oh lord I should just learn to keep my fucking mouth shut.)

oh shit

poor Spinner. fucking Re-Destro gets a Quirk Reveal Box before he does

also it does seem to be a Hulk quirk then, huh. so it’s safe to say that once Gigantomachia shows up and they hash things out, there won’t really be a town here afterwards. like, this entire city is about to be straight up wiped off the map. that’s lowkey terrifying to think about

-- HEY WHAT THE

(ETA: sob he looks so shocked. that’s right Tomura, it’s the hard knocks path to redemption for you too, buddy boy. probably when you go talk to Ujiko to get it patched up after the arc is over it’ll trigger some more character development somehow. just, my point is that you are an important character in a shounen manga, and so, unlike people in real life, you at least can be somewhat assured that your pain is probably happening for a reason.)

fuckING -- IS THAT REALLY -- DID THEY JUST

DID THIS MOTHERFUCKING INKBLOT HULK MAN REALLY JUST PINCH MY BOY’S HANDS BETWEEN HIS GIANT THUMB AND INDEX FINGER AND JUST FUCKING PLUCK HIS FUCKING FINGERS OFF HOLY GODDAMN FUCK

DID HE DO THAT TO GIRAN. IS THAT WHAT HE FUCKING DID TO GIRAN I’M ABOUT TO FUCKING -- I CAN’T --

IS THIS FUCKING ATTACK ON TITAN, GODDAMN!? WHAT THE WHY

THERE REALLY IS A HIATUS SOB I CAN’T. I HOPE HE HAS A GOOD TIME ON HIS VACATION OR WHATEVER, THEN!! BE THAT WAY! I KNOW YOU’RE A HUMAN BEING AND ENTITLED TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF AND GET SOME GODDAMN SLEEP AND GO TO CONVENTIONS OR WHATEVER, BUT I’M ALSO ONLY HUMAN, AND WHEN YOU TAKE MY WEEKLY FIX AWAY WITH NO PRIOR NOTICE, I’M GOING TO GET CRANKY ABOUT IT. I CAN’T HELP IT OKAY

GOD DAMN IT

fuck

sob. okay sorry guys, I’m done being dramatic now. so let’s go back and finish up those last four panels that I haven’t actually read yet orz

lol there already practically isn’t a town there anymore. Giganto you better hurry up and come finish it off. this asshole is out here playing the most vicious game of eenie meenie miney moe the world has ever seen with your boss’s hands and it’s very upsetting

who the fuck is this

lmao what. someone’s actually trying to visit the city? turn your van around, pal. we are closed for business for real here

and then our last two panels are Slidin’ Go being all punchable, and then getting shaken up by a sudden earthquake omg

I WONDER WHAT THAT COULD BE omg. :) :’D

well shit. so! 

a wild Gigantomachia approaches

Slidin’ Go is living on borrowed time presumably (good riddance)

Skeptic is trying to harass Twice again while he’s busy trying to save poor Toga’s life, like excuse you dude, no, please fuck off

Dabi is currently MIA and still fighting Dippin’ Dots while trying to keep his organs from getting any more roasted. maybe a flashback would help you there, Dabi. I don’t know how, but it couldn’t hurt, surely. I promise I have no ulterior motives in suggesting this

Spinner is trying to work out how to score a really satisfying victory to show us all that Quirks Aren’t Everything

Giran and his bandaged arm are running off to safety with Twice, which is the only thing that really matters in the end here

and Shigaraki Tomura has just had his own hand Luke Skywalkered in the manga’s latest and greatest instance of Cruelty Against Limbs. but at least this presumably means that he himself is about to get a hell of a lot hotter if Giran and Twice are anything to go by

so yeah. a lotta stuff going on. so really it’s the perfect time for a hiatus. lol

well, friends. I’ll see you all in two weeks I guess. hopefully someone will lend Tomura a hand. ba dum crash

[timeisacephalopod]

Oh can you do like an expansion of the Celestiall Peter werewolf Bucky and dragon Tony. Like its Halloween and they're talking about what bullshit it is for people to dress up when any other time they'd be scared of what they go dressed as. I love those 3 together. Oh and a Rhodey cameo!!

I think this means as an extension of a story I wrote for my AO3 awhile ago in which the boys all went to uni and lived in the same house called Bad Habits (were you the person who posted a comment on one of my stories the other day? Anyways). You won’t need the original story for context for this! Just know Tony/ Peter Q/ and Bucky are a thing. This is a long boi, prepare!

*

“Can I use you as a costume?” Peter asks and Bucky glares so hard at him Tony thinks its a wonder he didn’t fall over dead. And Peter wasn’t even talking to Bucky.

“I’m a dragon, not a costume,” he says.

“You know with all those ads about humans not dressing up as caricatures of other cultures someone is really missing the opportunity to also throw out that dressing up as another species is not cool. I don’t look like a single fucking werewolf costume idiot humans sell,” Bucky snaps. Tony and Peter stare at him for a moment, not exactly surprised by the outburst by now.

Turns out he’s sensitive to Halloween as a holiday. “Yeah, so anyways can I use you as a costume?” Peter asks.

“I have had a total of three relationships with humans and all three ran off when I told them I was a werewolf and one of them tried to kill me before running. Then humans have the fucking gall to go out dressed as werewolves? I should eat them out of spite,” Bucky mumbles, glaring at the wall across from him.

“What the hell are you dressing up as to need a dragon?” Tony asks.

“Daenerys from Game of Thrones,” Peter says and Tony rolls his eyes.

“So you want me to be your dragon slave for a night?” he snaps.

Peter sighs, “the dragons like her, Tony. Its not offensive.”

He throws his hands up, “it is so and people think its fine to desecrate an entire species because I’m one of five left in the world and the only one who’s pointing out how ignorant that show is! Dragons don’t have mothers! Wait, yeah they do, but there is no mother of dragons!”

Bucky nods, “see what I mean? You owe him an apology,” Bucky tells Peter, who rolls his eyes theatrically.

“Dude, its a costume. Relax about it.”

Tony and Bucky exchange a look and turn back to Peter. “If you don’t get the hell out of my sight I’m going to light your ass on fire,” Tony tells him.

Peter, true to his being an utter dickhead, turns himself invisible because apparently celestials can do that. “Can I use you as a costume?” he asks, prompting a rather loud growl from Bucky.

*

Luis gives Peter an offended look that has Scott’s eyes going wide as he turns away a little, putting his hand in front of his face in a poor attempt at hiding himself. “That is the rudest shit I ever heard- Scott are you hearing this? You can’t just go up and ask dragons to be costumes, he’s a person, not a prop. All those ads we see about not dressing up as stereotypes of other culture but no one points out dressing up as another species is not cool,” Luis says. He takes a breath and, thankfully, Bucky cuts in before his rant can continue.

“Right? Humans hate werewolves except when they can dress up as them and claim its not offensive because they’re appreciating us or whatever. If you appreciated werewolves than you’d lobby for werewolf rights, not wear an ugly ass fake fur mask!” He shakes his head, clearly pissed off about this.

“Guys, I just want a cool costume,” Peter says, hands in the air a little.

Luis crosses his arms over his chest, “then go make one, you don’t need a dragon to make a cool costume. I’m going as a Dorito- totally inoffensive and also a delicious treat.”

“I’m offended by Doritos,” Peter says because he’s a prick. “They’re gross and taste like cardboard, and also they’re in the shape of triangles, which means they’re the product of the Devil and also the Illuminati.”

Luis turns to Scott like he’s about to give backup, which he doesn’t. “Okay you know what, get out of here with that false equivalence- you finding dumb reasons to be offended is not the same as turning a whole species into a joke for your own amusement while also ignoring the harm that comes to those creatures all for the sake of a dumb joke. Also what the hell kind of Doritos are you eating that taste like cardboard? It is not a Dorito’s fault that you don’t know how to read expiration dates or that you leave them out too long. Things get stale Quill, like your stale ass attitude and I will not tolerate this Dorito slander-”

“Ooookay,” Scott says, “someone needs to take a nap, or do some homework, or binge eat too many Skittles and throw up again. We’ll be out of your hair now,” he says, dragging Luis away.

“What? I am not doing the Skittle thing again- I learned my lesson. Scott, they need my help, humans have to do their part to-” his words are cut off by the basement door slamming shut. Tony snickers, pleased that they decided that in a house full of supernatural creatures maybe a couple humans weren’t a bad plan. Bucky had been worried Scott might try and kill him, Tony has no idea why he focused on Scott though to be fair Luis is about as non-threatening as they come, and Natasha isn’t fond of humans either but they didn’t want to be discriminatory.

Now it turns out that had been a pretty amusing choice thanks to all of Luis’ rants about everything from Romeo and Juliet to Elvish and why it was a difficult language to learn. And, apparently, why dressing up as a supernatural creature was an asshole thing to do

*

Peter looks down at Bucky, walking faithfully by his side while Tony perches on his shoulder. “You two are going to learn that humans aren’t terrible and I’m going to win this bet,” he tells them. Honestly, they both made a such a huge deal out of a fun holiday and also Peter now has the best costume ever even if Daenerys doesn’t have a dire wolf. Bucky still makes a cool piece of show authenticity even if he’s not at all happy of being part of a costume.

Bucky, as if hearing his thoughts, glares up at him. “Don’t look at me like that, humans will love you,” he says, patting Bucky’s head. Bucky growls a little and trots a little ahead of him and Peter leaves him to sulk in peace.

On his shoulder Tony reaches out and smacks him with one of scaly paws and Peter wrinkles his nose. “Don’t be like that,” he tells Tony, who promptly smacks him again. It doesn’t even hurt, like when a cat smacks you, so Peter doesn’t even know what the point of this is.

When they get inside he at least gets the recognition he deserves because hello, he has an actual dragon with his costume. And Bucky is cool also he guesses. “Where did you find a lizard that looks like that?” someone asks, smiling at Tony. He looks unimpressed by this and frankly Peter has to wonder who the hell thinks the average lizard his brown eyes and red and gold scales.

“He’s a dragon,” Peter says.

The girl in front of him snorts, “yeah, I got your costume, but what kind of lizard is he?”

Peter resists the urge to roll his eyes. “No, he’s an actual dragon. Like the species. Kinda small, but being pocket sized makes him easier to cart around all night so,” he says, shrugging. Tony slaps him again, clearly annoyed with the comment on his size but Peter can’t help that Tony fits in the hoods of his sweaters and when he’s not being a dick he thinks being carried around in there is fun.

“Aww, you’re so cute!” she says, reaching out to touch him and Tony, predictably, smacks her hand away. Bucky makes his presence known by shoving himself between Peter and his current companion in what he thinks is a bad attempt to defend Tony but whatever. Peter takes a step back though.

“You don’t pet dragons, oils on human’s skin doesn’t react well to their scales,” he says. At least, he thinks, Tony didn’t decide to start screaming like he usually did when people tried to pet him. And what is with that? He’s a damn lizard, not a cat, you don’t pet lizards. Well okay, some lizards are fine with it but still. 

“Well you got him up there somehow,” she says.

This time he does roll his eyes, “I’m not human.” Being a celestial means he can avoid damaging oils and also that he can work as a heat lamp for Tony. He had tested that on a whim and it worked so that was pretty cool, not that it comes in handy now. 

“Then what are you?” she asks, squinting like she can tell just looking at him. Bucky growls, hackles raised and honestly the question is annoying but not worth the growl. Peter flicks his ear and Bucky whirls on him unimpressed.

“A celestial,” he says.

“The hell is a celestial?” she asks.

He lets out a long sigh, “basically a god. Don’t look at me like that, we can build whole planets if we want to.” His asshole dad had one that was really cool before Peter found out about all his dead siblings. Bucky lets out another annoyed growl and Peter flicks his ear again. Damn werewolves, always so touchy.

“I think your dog is pissed off,” she says and Peter grabs Bucky’s snout before he does something he’ll regret in the morning.

“Not a dog, that’s a werewolf,” he says quickly. Bucky growls and Peter doesn’t let go of his mouth.

Thankfully his companion jumps back a little. “Why the hell would you bring a werewolf in public?” she asks, giving Bucky a panicked look.

Peter rolls his eyes so hard its a wonder they didn’t roll right out the door. “Because he’s a North American werewolf and they’re fucking harmless unless people say dumb offensive shit,” he says. The European brand of werewolf? Nightmare fuel, but they also know how to handle themselves. North American werewolves? Usually non-confrontational and lazy. Also very soft even if they shed a stupid amount of hair everywhere even when human. Peter has made peace with the hair and Tony’s occasional shed scale.

“Dumb offensive shit like what?” she asks. “Everyone knows werewolves eat people.”

Peter yanks Bucky back by the snout, which is probably a little mean but its either that or he eats someone out of spite and he’s going to regret that if he does it. “North American werewolves don’t eat people and even European werewolves will try for a damn deer or some shit first. That’s the dumb offensive shit I mean, along with calling him a dog. What the hell do you think werewolves look like, the shit you see on Teen Wolf?” Because they kind of look like Klingons and Peter kind of feels bad for laughing now but Bucky’s offended face had been so funny.

“Its my fault I didn’t know that,” she says and Peter squints.

“Its in literally every pro werewolf anything ever, if you didn’t know that you didn’t god damn Google it. If you’re going to spout offensive shit at least make it true. Like werewolves leave hair everywhere and yeah, they lick their ass sometimes.” Bucky yanks his muzzle free and gives him a look. “Don’t pull that shit, I’ve seen it happen.”

Bucky looks away, ears pulling back a little in shame. He might not be a dog by any stretch of the imagination but Peter is happy they at least share enough in common that their body language is basically the same, if more advanced in showing emotion in favor of werewolves.

*

Bucky curls up on Peter’s bed with Tony in his fur shivering as he tries to get warm but fur isn’t going to help him so Peter pulls him out, tucking him into his chest as his hands light up. Benefits of having godlike powers- hands that double as heat lamps. Tony stops shivering so hard and Peter sighs. “Okay, you two win. Humans are the worst and I honestly can’t believe I had to tell seven separate people that you can’t just pet dragons.” They didn’t even ask.

Bucky lets out an annoyed noise, lifting his head to glare at Peter. “Sorry so many people called you a dog and said you eat people,” he mumbles. “Mind going to get Tony some fruit? He’s been in the cold awhile.” Bucky slinks off the bed and Peter climbs into it, upping the heat going to his hands to warm Tony up faster.

When Bucky returns he’s carrying an assortment of fruits, “I told you this was a bad idea,” he says and Peter nods.

“Yup. And I didn’t listen like an idiot. I maintain that I had a cool costume until humans off and ruined it by trying to pet Tony though. What is he, a cat?” Bucky snickers as he climbs into bed, shimmying close to Peter. It betrays more than his words- werewolves are tactile creatures and when they’re mad they refuse to touch each other. Its kind of funny to watch them all get mad and avoid contact like they’re all repelled by each other.

Still, if Bucky isn’t avoiding contact he’s not that mad at Peter. “Here,” Bucky says to Tony, extending a grape towards his mouth. Tony takes the grape gleefully, destroying it in seconds. Bucky hands him a strawberry next. “I didn’t know you knew that much about werewolves,” he says as Tony destroys another berry. Jesus he eats those things fast.

“Yeah, I Googled them. Not that hard,” he says. Phrase of the fucking night- he swears he explained the most basic of shit to people like twelve times over.

“The difference between North American werewolves and European werewolves isn’t information that’s easy to find. Most don’t even make a distinction anymore,” Bucky murmurs. He hands Tony some pineapple and Tony pulls his head back. Bucky rolls his eyes and eats it himself, handing Tony a piece of watermelon that he happily takes instead.

“Yeah, because European werewolves were hunted to near extinction during witch trials in Europe. Seems kind of stupid considering it was never werewolves starting genocides and lighting people on fire. Except that one time in South Africa but that didn’t go well,” he says. Bucky frowns and he sighs, “I got stuck in a Googling suck hole. Did the same with dragons. Its how I figured out the hands thing,” he says, jostling Tony a little and earning a sharp yell for it. “Don’t be rude,” he tells Tony.

Bucky moves in closer, wrapping an arm around Peter. “That’s so sweet. Don’t ever convince me to be a Halloween costume again.”

Peter snickers, “next year I’ll let you eat people and Tony can light them on fire then we cal all fuck off to a planet I’ve made,” he says.

Bucky frowns, “can you even do that?”

Peter shrugs, “I’ve got a year to figure it out.”

Bucky looks at Tony, who happily takes another grape from his fingers. “Pretty sure he’ll be fine as long as there’s fruit.”

“Well, considering ninety percent of his diet is fruit yeah, I’d say so. I should try and make new fruit, that would be cool,” he says, grinning. Tony looks up at him, eyes wide with excitement and he laughs. “Guess I have a new botany project.”

“Well, so long as you stop pissing off the neighbors with plants that flip them off,” he says. Rude, Peter thinks those are fun and their neighbors are a bunch of uptight assholes.

[main-force-patrol]

Chapter 6 - We are (not) vermin

Roop finds the scene of Johnny's incident - but not Johnny.

Hehehe I think you can all guess where this is heading, but I’m curious to hear what you all think!

Chapter 6

The next morning at work, we were called to investigate a reported explosion in sector 28. The acrid stench of burning plastic and scorched metal hit me before I ever saw the wreckage. though it crossed my mind that this might’ve been a trap to lure a couple of Bronze out into the open so some kid could earn his Phi, we aren’t paid a dollar above minimum wage to be cowards. Charlie doesn’t seem to get that; even when I tried to drag him out, he kept his dumb arse planted.

By the time I got to the site of the explosion, the overturned truck had nearly burned itself out. Yet when the wind picked up, it belched black smoke; the kind that stung your eyes, stuck to your skin, and left your lips tasting like iron. And as I approached, the scent of smoldering flesh and singed hair joined the brew of noxious chemicals that seeped into my lungs.

As I circled around the flipped truck, I stepped on something rounded. A pipe? No, it was the handle of a hacksaw. I bent down to inspect it; the blade was covered in burned-on bits of something fibrous, grease, and flecks of white. As I knelt, the smell of burned flesh grew stronger. Nestled in the grass, I saw why - a charred, severed human foot. Beside it, a pair of handcuffs, blackened by heat and burnt-on blood. With gloved hands, I picked up the cuffs for a closer look. They had three rings instead of the standard two - that’s right, they’re MFP cuffs. This must’ve been the work of our friendly neighborhood heartbroken renegade.

Not five paces away, there was a smoldering body, face down in the grass. Poor bastard. Hacked through his ankle just to get blown up anyway. At least, that’s what I thought until I took a closer look. That burned corpse had two feet. And yet there was one severed foot, sawed off, trapped by MFP cuffs.

There was a time that this would’ve made me laugh. Today, it just turned my stomach. No, it wasn’t the smell. It was Max’s hunger for revenge consuming everything else in his life. It was Jessie, lying alone in cold empty room, wondering when her husband was coming back. And God only knows the fate of Sprog, be it crying alone in some darkened hospital room or festering in the basement of the morgue. It was a life abandoned for the fleeting pleasure of making others suffer.

Now, someone out there is living – or dying – from being forced to make a life-or-limb decision. As it stands, I’m helpless to do anything for them or Max; that kind of uselessness is what burns me alive from the inside. It’s what drove me to fight blindly, to hate blindly, and you know what? I think it drove Max to do those things, too. This disembodied scorched foot on the ground; forcing someone to make that decision must’ve made Max feel like he got his bollocks back. But until bollocks can give Jessie her arm back and fix her brain bleeding, what’s the point?

There was a time that I would have dismissed Max’s victim as vermin that exists to be eradicated, because you know what? It’s convenient. It’s easy to say, “We’re all vermin.” It’s comforting in its simplicity, in how it gives us permission to step on the necks of anyone who gets in our way. So we sink lower, because we’re driven by that lizard-brain instinct to keep breathing, to strike at anything that catches our ire. And it’s dangerous because no one who says it really believes that every single one of us is vermin, is scum. We know our intentions, we know our lives, and it just so happens that we can always see ourselves as the least-vermin of them all. I kill to protect my family and myself; they kill because they’re monsters. See? It’s exactly what I’ve been doing the whole time I’ve been wearing the badge; it’s exactly what I can’t live with doing any longer.

[bisluthq]

How do you get both parents, conceivably it would be Scott, at most, because Andrea lives in Nashville? The amount you complain amount anti logic, your head cannons are logically implausible, many times. The truth be told the biscuit detectives, and you Nat, have proven to be some of the best online. 🧐🏅I give props when they are due.

…. because you dumb worthless pathetic and rude fucking Bastard bitch TS went Nash -> Tampa and then the big jet picked the people up and went to London. Ergo both parents and Taylor and Joe went to London. Deal with it or idk invent an alternative reality I actually don’t care.

They’re all lizard people and they were fetching the basement baby why tf not?????

The world is flat Scott Swift personally told u.

[little-things-i-remember]

All the pets I've had

(That I can remember)

Imma go kinda in order here

Greeny, a green anole, and Mona Lisa, a cat. I don't remember very much about them other then greeny liked to hang our on you arm and look out the window, and Mona would greet you every time you walked in the door, I remember when she had to be put down (diabetes) and we buried her the backyard, I didn't really understand whst was happening at the time.

We didn't have any pets for a while after Mona and greeny died because my parents were really attached to her and I think it really hurt them when she died, I was too young to understand death at the time.

Lary, a massive crawfish we found at a park, he pinched my dad once when he was cleaning the tank and drew blood, I don't remember a lot about him.

Jasper, a stray cat that never came into our house but we fed and pet and played with him until he stopped coming around. He liked to bring us dead moles.

My brothers fishtank with a bunch of Carnival goldfish that survived several years, plus some of the smallest crawfish I've ever seen. They liked to peak out of the tinny doorways of the little castle that was in there. We also kept bullfrog tadpoles in there until they turned into frogs.

Coily, a small northern red belly snake we smuggled back from Maine without my mom knowing (she's terrified of snakes) he was the cutest thing, real small maybe like 6 inches? These Snakes don't really have teeth just kinda hard gums like lizards so instead of biting people when scared he would flip over, show his red belly, and play dead. Literally the least scary snake to exist. I loved him so much. I have a picture of him curled around a bow on my bathing suit. He ended up getting out of his cage (to this day I have no fucking clue how) and he was gone for a couple days. My mom got out of work at like 2 am one day and found him curled up in the doorway to my room, I was at a sleepover and my dad was in the basement, so my mom had a panic attack and had to "run across the hall to the stairs" as fast as she could, despit this snake being completely harmless. Then next year we had to let him go in maine because my mom did not want him in the house.

Jumpy, a neon tree dragon that was super friendly and I really loved him but he got sick and passed away about a month later.

Scully, and leaf, a green anole and Bahama anole that I had for a while, I barley remember them.

A few years later my dad gave in to my begging and we got another cat, her name was smora and she was absolutely huge (literally 28 pounds). She wasn't really that lovable unless she was feeling sweet. Everytime my dad picked her up she would lick his stubble and not stop, on the rare occasion she would lay on me she would lick my forehead and hair. She was my baby, I loved her so much. She died in November of last year (heart failure, we didn't even know about it until a week befor she had to be put down) It took me a really really long time to get over it. (Still not) we had her Lloyd and scribbles at the same time. Lloyd liked to lay in her bed, one time Lloyd tried to paw at her to get her to move and smora bitch slapped him like 5 times in the face. She was declawed so it probably didn't really hurt him but that was the last time he ever tried to move her.

These next few we had at the same time as smora

The rock, a snapping turtle I found at a park and took home (I was little) he was actually really friendly for a snapping turtle, we kept him until the next summer where we let him go at the same park. I don't remember much about him other then I liked feeding him.

Diamond and spot, 2 leopard geckos that were given to us by one of my dads friends who couldn't take care of them anymore, they were fully grown when we got them and don't know how old they were, but they were so cute, I loved their eyes, and I loved holding them. Leopard geckos are pretty much blind to anything other then light and movement so they were kinda dumb. as the got older they started having shedding problems and stopped eating, Eventually they died. It was really sad to watch.

Spike, my other brothers bearded dragon we got from a reptile expo. He's a big boy.

Kōsei, a crested gecko I got from petco, he was really cool I loved how his feet felt when he crawled on you.

Mine turtle, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, 2 painted turtle we got from a neighbors pond and kept for a year befor putting them back in their pond. This is the only picture I can find of them and it's just mine turtle, plus a frog.

In the same pond we grabbed a bunch of frog eggs and watched them develop, they hatched like overnight and we got tons of tiny tadpoles that grew super quick, when they started growing their arms and legs we put them In a little man made pond in our garden so when they turned into frogs they could go into the creek that was about 20 feet away. That year the creek was filled with leopard frogs, evertime you moved like 3 would jump in the water.

Lloyd, another massive cat. His name fits him perfectly, he's very odd. He's the most lovable cat I've ever had, such a good boy. He's about 12 years old at this point and he's so funny. He likes chips and whenever he hears you eating them he paws at your hand till he gets some. If youre in his spot on the bed he'll poke at you till you move. His claws are huge but if your playing with him and he claws at you he feels bad and won't use his claws to play for the rest of the time. Whenever you scratch his ears he pushes he head into your hands, he's surprising strong. He loves to be outside especially when it's snowing. We got him from a shelter when they were doing a Halloween special and giving black cats away for free (they said that since grey was just a lighter black we could have him) apparently he'd been brought back like 4 times befor we got him, and i can't understand why, because he's such a sweet old man. My favorite part of him is his big paws.

Darrle, a scarlet millipede I found at a park and took home. He was one of my coolest pets.

Scribbles, a kitten who showed up at our house one day and didn't stop meowing at our door until we let her in. She is so funny. She's the first kitten I've ever had. She likes to steal Nerf balls from under my brothers bed and chase them around the house, when she loses it she just gets another one. If you tell her not to do something she'll look you in the eyes and do it. Contrary to Lloyd she never learned to play nice, so if you play with her with your hands there will be blood, lots of it. She likes to snuggle against your legs, and occasionally she'll lay on you. She likes to be carried around like a princess and if you try to put her down she'll bite at you. She likes to chase and be chased so careful running around the house. She likes to try to play with Lloyd by tackling him, he just lays there unfazed. A few nights after she moved in another cat came to our door we let her in but once she saw scribbles she booked it towards the door and left. She looked just like scribbles so we think someone's cat had a litter of kittens and the owner dumped them.

There's gonna be a part 2 cause I'm at my picture limit