#eating is hard mirrors are hard | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spikeyjo · 2 years

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Me when they half my lithium and double my Prozac

#and put me on baby benedryl #how the hell is the HATMAN gonna plow my ass if I am only on like 10mg #ffs SPONGR IM A MAN #A BIG BIG MAN #I’ve made this post before you don’t have to tell me #back when my mom first got diagnosed they put my ass on hydroxy whatever it is #and now here I am once again feeling lost but now and then #I breathe it in to let it go #blah blah blah more victorious song lyrics #ugh yall I am so tired of being apeshit all the time #I wake up my chest is heavy and I can’t get up #I go thru my day barely being able to control myself from going apeshit #and ******* the ever loving shit out of myself #and then I go to bed or go to work and it just starts all over again #I’m still functioning but barely #eating is hard mirrors are hard #I honestly need to be hospitalized but I guess we’ll wait and see

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apnourry · 19 days

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hydrangea blue never broke my heart🫶

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humanityinahandbag · 5 months

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I finally lost THIRTY pounds.

Thirty pounds (or roughly 14 kg) is the same as;

Two upright vacuums

A whole ass whippet dog

A medium sized rug

A 50 inch (127 cm) flatscreen TV

A fuckin mountain bike

Two bowling balls

I just want to highlight just how much that is, because this is huge for me! I've always struggled with weight, and seeing myself become healthier is such an achievement. It's in no way been an easy journey. There have been months where the scale didn't move, or where my weight fluctuated, but to see it finally tick down to a thirty pound loss is a massive achievement for me.

I've got a ways to go, but knowing that I've made my health a priority, that I've improved my quality of life, that I haven't given up, and that I can see those results is just mind-blowing.

#weight loss #health #healthy #healthy eating #exercize #I lost a whole whippet dog y'all #it's so hard not to look in the mirror and NOT see a body I was unhappy with #I'm basically blind to that #but I'm working on it

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brattybottombunny · 8 months

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#i am really trying very hard to work on my relationship with my body #im trying to be kinder to it and to myself #but it’s so hard especially because im not happy with my body and the way i look #like i just passed my reflection in the mirror and now im fighting tears over how i look #im not looking for compliments or anything i just needed to say this #because it’s eating me alive and i don’t really have another outlet #bottom.spm

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temperate-rainforest · 7 months

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I always forget how people back in the olde days used to just die so easily from the flu, until I get the flu myself dhhdhdhf because on one hand I know our medicine is just soo much better now a days but on the other hand I have the immune system of a dead man and once I get sick I'm like the ye olde victorian child on a death bed dhdhdhhd it's been 4 days and I just NOW can get on my phone to watch videos and text, and eat and drink water, and coherently string words together and do more than just lay in bed and moan in pain, and sweat and cough in sick delirium 😭

#im being so deadass #i only slept once between just staring at whatever i was hallucinating on the ceiling and that was last night #and i dreamt that i was eating glass #i know its because ive hurt my stomach and ribs from so much coughing because i can barely talk #at least in my dream i was picky about the glass i was eating LMAOOO i was like NO I WANT THE BUBBLE AMBER DRINKING GLASS NOM NOM #and raided a flea market just to find it and eat it #i dont fucking know #i finally ate some chicken noodle soup and apple sauce too and ive finally had some wonderful and amazing water #i swear i never enjoyed it more in my LIFE #i hate being sick because i get so sick so easily and soo soo so bad #fucking rough man #i had no idea it was Saturday until i just checked #fucking was Tuesday last I remembered god damnit #also its really scary looking in the mirror because I dont look well or look like myself right now #body image warning #but my face looks so hallow and dark and scratched up because apparently I either was scratching in my sleep or something happened #and I'm soo much thinner than the last time I looked in a mirror and got out of bed like 4 days ago #my beard is big and shaggy and i need to shave but i really really don't look good and its hard to do any self care #when you go from looking healthy and glowy to pale and dark and thin in just a couple days #like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that #im caught in a state of #this isn't reality #which i know isnt safe or good but ill be okay because i know im just in shock and that i cant push myself through it #especially in this weakened state #i just need to take it slow and steady #drink my water stay in my blanket and eat what i can and take my meds and thank FUCK I came through the fog and rest

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if-mirrormine · 1 year

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alex's drabble is next up. and she's a big one. already at 500 words and nowhere near the end

#you guys better eat that shit up #no crumb left behind #im working real hard on it 🥺#putting my whole mirrussy into it #mirror mine #alli talks

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heavenlydreamangelflyhigh · 1 year

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moms getting competitive w her eating disorder again

#she keeps mimicking how ive been living and now that ive been sliding back and restricting again due to stress #she's been body checking around me more talking about how much she works out how 'toned' she looks #and dishing up smaller portions than me only eating half and then saying 'oh i'm so full...marie #if you can't finish yours just throw the rest out...'#she had her friend over yesterday and the poor woman made the mistake of confiding in my mother and i about her ed #and i gave her some advice for recovery & let her know that anorexia is hard to tackle esp when you're taking care of someone else at the #same time but its doable..and she was asking about what i do when i relapse #and obv i didnt go into detail so as not to like. give any ideas. but it was nice to have someone Nice to relate to on that front #immediately my mom jumps in with 'oh i restrict too! thats what i do! i go days without eating and count my calories.#marie doesnt work out like i do because their therapist said not to..but i work out so i can stay toned and confident.' like no you dont #it hurts me that shes doing this shit to herself but i know shes doing it in front of me to feel superior because she Always Has #its CYCLICAL with her. as soon as my gf left the mask came back off and she was right back to the mama i know #using MY CLOTHES to body check using MY MIRROR infront of me i feel insane.#like i told her i feel disgusting because i gained two pounds and im at 114 now and she immediately started talking about her weight and #that we need to stop buying 'junk food'#MOMM....OH MY GOOOD...#whatever whatever . i'll get over it in a few mins im just pissy in general and i feel like i live with a 15 yr old sometimes.#ed ment #i will say it uswd to be worse when she wasnt in therapy n shit but hhghhthtnf even my dad who is Never Home has picked up pn it and has #started checking her and telling her to keep it between yhem bc i dont. i canr handle that rn dude

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bongsavior · 3 months

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HOWEVER !!!!!!!!!!

#i recognize that not everyone we're soulmates with are meant to be in our lives forever #sometimes it's a couple years. sometimes a lifetime. sometimes it's days. regardless i'm doing better than i was then #in so many ways #but i have a lot more growing to do of course. as we all do. i've been trying to reflect. i constantly feel drained and i haven't had a job #idk what's wrong with me or what to do with myself or my life man #it feels like i'm a chrysalis #i'm in this cocoon barely existing while i think and grow #but i hardly feel human or like i exist and i haven't since my dad died #and i lost rae and my home and my friends and their cats and all their family members at once #i feel like i took a ride on the wings of another only to come crashing back down. but with way more knowledge and experience than before #because i'm in the same spot. living with my mom again. it's not that big of a deal ik it's almost impossible to get your own place now #but i'm not spending so much on food and eating way too much anymore #and i'm not as stressed daily as i was living there #i can't say it was better than here. but i miss it #i don't think i'd trade it though. i'm content here in comparison. i just wish some days that she had stuck by me #but it's okay. she wasn't in love anymore and knew our differences #i'm a lot better now it's just hard to look at it all in the mirror #personal #words

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hobisexually · 5 months

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long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on

#on holiday I was like oHHHHH this is what living in the moment is! What listening to your body is! what not worrying about how you look is #but doing what makes you happy #and then …… I came home and got sent the pictures #+ my friend being. unintentionally fatphobic as fuck #while hurtful as fuck too #and it’s all just been piling up too since I got home because I’ve been having a lot of conversations and seeing a lot of people that #confront me with who I used to be and who I am now and how I’m really not happy with that #and it feels like it’s not gonna get better #like I’m destined to be in a job I like but isn’t what I want because I’m not capable enough and I’ll never know what romantic requited love #feels like. I’ll never cure my vaginismus I’ll never be able to let someone in or they won’t want me this is just it for me #and SOMEHOW the way I look has become the ultimate culmination of all those things?#my face is suddenly a woman in her thirties face #I keep gaining weight despite not even eating all that much because FUCKING PCOS makes it impossible #my hair in my face grew back. my stomach is hairy and that plus the added beer belly just makes it look like I’m a 50 year old man #I am soooooooo tired of the dysphoria #and the way pcos ruins fucking everything because I can restrict calories all I want and move all I want but will it help ? No !#and of the fact that it impacts the way I feel about myself so much because I’m convinced now I’ll never find anyone #should have tried harder when I was 21 because that was the only time in my life I reasonably fit society’s standards like That was my shot #I’ve been taking supplements everyone says will help but I’m not sure I noticed anything in the past six months and I can’t take berberine #because it fucks with my heart medication. which. That too. I have that too #and I’m in pain! All the time now! ALL THE TIME so I can’t even work out to keep the weight stable because guess what ?#just after a normal day at the office I come home and have to lie down because everhthing hurts so much !#today I got an impromptu massage in an attempt to feel better but it didn’t fix shit and I had to buy clothes for kings day after #and I didn’t try them on just quickly grabbed some orange shit to try on at home and at what I saw in the mirror I genuinely got nauseous #I just don’t know who that is in the mirror but it’s not me and I can’t accept it. I’ve been trying so hard but I can’t #it genuinely makes me so sad and I keep telling myself that a reduction will help in feeling more like myself and it will help with the pain #but what if it doesn’t? what if my pain doesn’t go away after af all and my stomach just juts out and I feel like a gremlin all the time #what then. what the fuck do we do then. also I’m so fucking scared of that surgery anyway that I don’t fucking want to do it anymore #I want so many things and all of them feel out of reach and I know my own brain is my worst enemy and it’s not rooted in anything real but.#Isn’t it? really — isn’t it???????

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longlivetv · 1 year

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#tw weight #tw ed #I have been trying so hard to eat healthier and be more physically active in a healthy non-ed way #just in a - feel physically better way #and I have been succeeding #in that I DO feel physically better #but my stupid brain still lies to me about what the mirror shows #and it’s so damn frustrating because I’m hitting goal milestones (weight lifted time worked out that kind of goal)#but feel like I’m getting nowhere because of how my brain is wired wrong #and telling me that nothing has changed even though I know it has

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pidgefudge · 8 months

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hmm

#having thoughts that i cant rly verbalize well #about being a 2nd gen immigrant who's extremely alienated from my familys culture #largely bc i associate it with their abuse #and bc my parents are extremely religious that culture has only been presented to me through an extremely religious viewpoint #apparently the other brown ppl are like. watching bollywood movies and eating at indian restaurants and indulging in all the secular stuff #meanwhile ive never been allowed to interact with any of that but i HAVE been forced into religious stuff against my will which sucked #and then tying all that back to “im not even a real indian person im basically just white”#and then tying THAT to “should i have chosen an indian name instead of victor”#and the whole being a poc surrounded by eurocentric beauty standards = ppl telling me i look masc #when i look in the mirror and what i see is definitively feminine #but i feel like im at the point of no return where i cant connect meaningfully to that culture anymore (ig ive effectively been whitewashed)#literally no one reading this is going to relate lmao but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void #idk if i articulated my thoughts well but i DID say its hard for me to verbalize esp without someone else to bounce off of #pigeon coos

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hxneylavendxr · 10 months

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Also are you fond of any of the love live sunshine openings or endings

yeah! kokoro wa kagayaiteru is of course my fave.. the trans rights song

i was obsessed with the season 1 ed when it was airing and i still really like aozora jumping heart

#chika is still my favorite protag girl too... though i dont know a lot about kaho chika is just so hard to beat #which is funny cus when i think of kimeta yo hand in hand i think of younger me (eleven) who thought aquors was soooo lackluster in #comparison to μs like i remember feeling so strongly about this but i kept watching for the ed because i liked what those three had #She just didn't get it yet...#ruby in my ask box #sunshine in the mirror whole fucking ost goes without saying they eat that shit up

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rotisseries · 1 year

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me opening tumblr this morning: last night was crazyyyy haha im sure it was just one of our insane phases though lol anyway i wonder what happened while i was gone- RORI ROTISSERIES WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAAHA

#it would've been better if more of that was actual pictures and quotes and not just funny textposts I had saved #but I was having a bit of a hard time finding pics bc like. obviously I was going through the cannibalism web weaving tag #for inspo. but I didn't just want to use all those “I wanna eat you because I love you so much” quotes because THAT'S NOT WHAT IT IS!!!#THAT'S NOT THE APPEAL!!!#narines is not romantic in any way not even morbidly romantic or gorey romantic its just not. it's insane psychosexual wretched mirror #antlerlocked shit. and i needed to reflect that. lmao #at some point I just went and found this one ellabs post I reblogged forever ago lmao and took some of the pictures off of it #anyway. hot girl shit #ask #tbos-main #hi hella!🔪

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milo-is-rambling · 1 year

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Oh cherry tag you will always be famous to me

#summer depression but not in the hehe cute quirky way but in the completely losing yourself and feeling like you’re rotting away from the #inside out. summer depression like hiking up your skirt and cutting your thighs while you drive home from work. summer depression like one #day I think the sun will either save me or I will burst into flames.#summer depression as in every summer before this has been part of this big life journey but this summer means nothing (every single year)#summer depression as in one day I thought I could be someone and now it’s summer and I’m all alone and I’m daydreaming about being anyone or #anything else I’m thinking about anything I could do differently I’m trying so hard to become a different person that when I’m forced to #face myself I want to smash the mirror and crash the car and scream as loud as I can on the highway or jump into the lake or stay up for 36 #hours or get a sunburn so bad I feel it with every slight movement #it’s summer and all I want to do is eat cherries and apply funky band aids to my fingers to cover my torn up cuticles #I just want to drink ice water and spend too much money on weed. it’s summer and I want to remember why I’m still alive #it’s summer and the air is hot and muggy but the crickets are chirping outside my window and the fan is humming and I’m listening to a #playlist I made three years ago and I’m a completely different person now but nothing has changed but nothing has stayed the same #ugh #cherries tag how I adore you

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freebooter4ever · 1 year

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I feel like people sometimes forget that janelle has been radical, gender nonconforming, and an epic storyteller from the start \o/ this SONG. Man this song was the entirety of my 2013 (the whole album really), i have all the lyrics memorized. I think ive listened to it even more times than the archandroid even

#They be like oooooh let them eat cake #but we eat wings and throw them bones on the ground #Im cutting up dont cut me down #Is it peculiar that she twerk in the mirror #and am i weird to dance alone late at night #and is it TRUE we're all insane #ARE WE A LOST GENERATION OF OUR PEOPLE?#Add us two equations but they'll never make us equal #She who writes the movie owns the script and the sequel #so why aint the stealing of my rights made illegal?#They keep us underground working hard for the greedy #But when its time to pay they turn around and call us needy #March through the streets cause im willing and im able #CATEGORiZE ME i dEFY EVERy LABEL #And while youre selling dope were gonna keep selling hope #Were rising you now you gotta deal you gotta cope #will you be electric sheep?#will you sleep?#Or will you preach?

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takitori67 · 1 year

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*eats the planned ideas i made from previous week like how you made an excuse to your teacher that your hw was eaten by your dog*

#anyway i feel like my head wants to make a cat junao saga instead so can somebody please hit me rly hard #catching tktr67 pointing to the mirror and yelling at her own reflection agh #the illusion of free choice (eats all the planned ideas in one go)#im feeling like arjuna before his interludes lol help me #rambling and talking

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