#eddie did nothing for me he felt like fan service through and through | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rocknrollsalad · 9 months

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🎄 A quick little thing for the steddie holiday drabbles and steddimas Christmas / Christmas traditions

🎅 just some christmas traditions with the boys. the ending wasn't known to me at any point, I swear, but I love it.

🎁 content/trigger warnings: less than great christmases, poor family dynamics, family struggles

🎄 word count: 1838

Christmas was such a weird time of year. In truth, Eddie wasn’t a fan. Magical things like the elves being behind on presents, and not expecting Eddie to earn anything other than coal, so they had to take things back to the North Pole to make them work properly turned out to be the police taking back stolen goods. Al told him, at the ripe age of six, that Santa was a con. He didn’t exist and it was better for everyone if Eddie knew that.

It wasn’t better for all the kids Eddie told once they returned to school. Unknowingly, Eddie ruined a lot of Christmases. Al Munson was who ruined them, really, but it took Eddie a long, long time to realize that. To realize that man had ruined more than major holidays.

Wayne tried to repair the magic but in the years Eddie would have been gullible enough to buy in, he was too enamored with his father to think he’d do anything wrong. Never mind whatever he’d do to have Eddie with Wayne, that didn’t count. Year after year.

The other problem is that Christmas is for the rich. The Munsons couldn’t afford all that extra electricity to light their homes. Inside or out. A big bushy tree? Only that one year Eddie chopped it down himself. Al was proud but Wayne talked a lot about permits and private land. It was the first Christmas season the cops came for Eddie.

Worse than all the decorations, the family vacations, and the meals were the presents. Stealing them was the only way the Munsons could afford a Christmas like on TV. Other than that it was a knockoff GI Joe from the food basket because what else does one get “boy: aged seven”? It was a bit better than the football, at least.

New bikes and big old hams were for people with money and Eddie learned quicker than anything else, that did not include him. Still, he had friends who were in the same boat. They got together and made fun of the food that didn’t even have a brand and Barbie-like dolls with crooked eyes. They shared the pain of being too old to get toys, like hitting the teenage years meant one stopped liking things.

More importantly, bonding over the donated goods was Eddie’s first taste of “family is what you make it”. They may not spend the holiday itself together but why would a day on the calendar dictate a magical gathering?

By high school, it was cool not to care. Eddie cared passionately about so many things but glad tidings and stockings hung with care weren’t on the list. His home life was more stable though not entirely conventional. Still, it provided its own little attempts at tradition and Eddie kind of liked filling a stocking for Wayne to see when he came home from work.

Now he’d fight demons from another dimension. Santa Claus and a few reindeer almost felt believable again but more important than ever before. Wayne said it was that new lease on life and that he felt similar when he came back from the service. The first year, he said, he wanted nothing to do with holidays but the next five years had him pulling out all the stops.

Eddie skipped over the year of wanting nothing. He wanted to host the biggest Christmas gathering Hawkins had ever seen. All of November was spent trying to master cookie baking, something he managed to get worse at. Wayne put a stop to it when Eddie burnt through a cookie sheet.

Only December said the work was for naught. The Byers had plans as a whole blended family. The Wheelers were the picture of Suburban Happiness. The Sinclairs were actually a happy family, shopping for another town to live in. The Corroded Coffin boys had all moved away slowly after the town cracked and fell into the pits of hell, each gone before Eddie checked out of the hospital. It was smart and beyond their control. They all sent each other Christmas cards but it wasn’t quite what Eddie was looking for.

He now had money for the biggest, bushiest tree and everything to hang on it. Dinner could be purchased if not cooked. Gifts? He still bought them for everyone. Perhaps his first and last Christmas with these guys, he didn’t know, but it wasn’t going to stop Eddie.

Gifts were easy, Eddie could buy or make something for everyone. Almost everyone. In all his thoughts and fuss about the holiday, Eddie had glossed over Steve. To a lesser extent, Robin as well, and they were their own weird family but not lumped in with others. It was easy to think about The Wheelers because Eddie hung out with Mike. Not easy to think about Steve, a guy he only seemed to spend time with in big gatherings.

Not through Eddie’s doing either. He’d survived the Upside Down with a newfound respect for Steve and what he thought would be someone gunning for best friendship. Or maybe more but Eddie blamed that fantasy on the drugs they gave him at the hospital.

So Eddie showed up a few days before the actual holiday, generic gift in hand and ready to spread holiday cheer. Steve was shocked but immediately apologetic that he didn’t have a gift in return. Obviously, that wasn’t the point of the holiday but it stung the slightest bit. If Eddie had any clue what to get Steve beyond snacks and liquor, it’d have stung more.

They chatted on the porch for a while. Steve’s parents were home and not into entertaining company, Eddie understood. When he asked what Steve’s plans were for Christmas, he learned there weren’t any. Steve’s parents would go through the expected Christmas morning stuff but they were so burnt out from all the other holiday obligations that the rest of the day was spent separately. Something Steve said was a lot more fun when he was a kid. Hidden away in his room with mounds of new toys.

These days gifts were socks, t-shirts, and things he needed, things he wanted, but couldn’t play with. Occasionally he’d get a book or a movie but after the family breakfast, it became another day.

With Eddie’s changed outlook, that wouldn’t do. So, he did the only thing he could think of and invited Steve over. Wayne was going to work because no one was turning down time and a half, so Eddie would be all alone. They could watch movies, play cards, and eat the dozens of candy canes Eddie acquired throughout the month. An offer Steve wasn’t jumping at but Eddie wore him down and he agreed.

And when the time came, Steve showed up. Bags of chips and homemade cookies in hand. So, Eddie lived up to his promise. They watched cheesy Christmas movies and fought over whether Gremlins should be included in that. They ate way too much junk food and Eddie beat Steve at poker so many times he wished they were playing with money. The night ended with them passed out on the couch, woken up by Wayne returning from work.

Maybe not the most textbook of Christmases but it was about that jolly spirit and having a good time with others, right? Surely there was some good quote in that Muppets movie to apply here. Eddie didn’t care about caroling or eggnog or tinsel on the tree.

For a while, it brought him and Steve closer but they quickly fell back to the buffer of all their other friends. Eddie squashed that old crush and made peace with being acquaintances. Until December rolled around again. This time Eddie went over without a gift and invited Steve over. Nothing had changed in Eddie’s life and it didn’t look like anything had in Steve’s so why not hang out and not spend the holiday alone?

Steve agreed. No puppy eyes, no annoying pleading, just immediate acceptance. So they watched their movies, ate their junk food, and played fun little games. Wayne woke them up and this time he brought breakfast.

The next year, Steve asked “are we getting together?” and Eddie felt a warmth in his chest he’d never known. It was almost enough to make him cry, something he really didn’t understand, but he nodded and promised to rent some new movies this year.

It also brought them a little closer. The organic push they needed. Saving the world together was too high pressure, too overdone in Steve’s life. Eddie earned friendship through perseverance and bad jokes. They started hanging out without their common friends and Eddie found out he liked being around Steve. A lot.

So when another December showed up they didn’t even need to ask. Steve just showed up. Wayne left them a bottle of whiskey and two blankets a coworker crocheted. They watched the same old classic movies and played board games. Steve still brought fresh baked cookies and things felt like Christmas.

Snow started to fall and they paused things to go out and enjoy the peace and stillness in red and green. There’s a special way the world quiets down when it snows, even with all the family dinners and arguments. In that snow, Steve kissed Eddie for the first time. Leaving Eddie to wonder if Santa was really out there, reading his letters.

They fell asleep cuddled together for the first with an alarm set to wake up and make breakfast for Wayne. Eggs, bacon, toast, fresh squeezed juice, the works. The last pieces of the holiday had clicked into place.

By the next one, Eddie and Steve were living together. They had their own apartment, their own little lives they were cultivating, and they still went over to Wayne’s to watch movies and play games. He left them whiskey and blankets and they made him breakfast.

For years this went on. Unconventional but their own, this was what said Christmas to Eddie. Even with the tree set up in their apartment and the Christmas Eve Eve dinner with the other couples in their friend group, Eddie looked forward to cards, to board games, and the same VHS.

The same year Eddie and Steve’s family grew was the last one Wayne was going to work. He’d be retired by next Christmas. Which they all celebrated by going above and beyond. Everyone did a little extra to pretend they didn’t know how things would continue.

And things morphed, as they did when a couple turned into parents. Nowadays, the kids go over to Grandpa Wayne’s where they watch silly cartoons, play games, and eat too many cookies. Eddie and Steve drink and spread magic around their home. To keep with tradition, Wayne brings the kids back home Christmas morning to wake up a passed out Eddie and Steve. Only now it’s not the whiskey that does them in, it’s building dollhouses and bikes. They wouldn’t have it any other way.

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lakemichigans · 2 years

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eddie never should've existed and they should've killed steve instead

#i just can't help but watch all of eddie's scenes and think 'this could've been steve'#IMAGINE for example #steve brings a girl (chrissy or someone else) home with him and she gets vecna'd #steve's parents are gone like they always are #steve immediately knows this is something to do with the upside down so he doesn't call the cops right away #he can still be a free man for most of the season because no one has found the body #and he could still be his goofy silly self because he's always reacted this way to trauma #its only in the last few episodes that someone would realize chrissy is missing #and they find out she was last seen with steve #and no one wants to believe he would do this #but then they find her #and the heat is on #and steve sacrifices himself in the upside down to save dustin #because he knows he has nothing else left for him #and all he's ever cared about lately is protecting these kids #🧍🏻‍♀️#i'm just saying. it would've hit me hard #eddie did nothing for me he felt like fan service through and through #and since i'm a lesbian i am impervious to his appeal lmao #the ONLY part that got me emotional was dustin's reaction to his death (and thus the conversation with eddie's uncle too)#but that would've been even stronger with steve #idk i'm trying not to be an eddie hater but i am.. i really am 😔

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alienheartattack · 3 years

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To All Of Us, From 2000 Years Ago

I got so mad about 139 and the leaks that I banged out my own 3000+ word ending to the manga today. Please keep in mind that this is a non-shipping story. Although I’ve exclusively written Rivamika before, this is not a Rivamika story, and although there’s an Eren/Mikasa scene at the beginning. there is no relationship between them, only the implication of feelings that are not quite reciprocated. I also threw some Levi fan service in there because why the hell not?

CW: There are references to and non-detailed descriptions of rape in this story.

You can also read this on AO3!

"You know what you have to do," Eren says. Mikasa pretends not to hear him over the rush of the little creek they're sitting by so he says it again, louder.

"I know," she sighs. "Even now, knowing that you've done something so unforgivable, a part of me doesn't want to."

"You're a good person, Mikasa. You'll be even better without me."

She snorts a laugh. "I've killed people, too. Just not as many as you did."

"You always had the weirdest sense of humor." Eren puts an arm around her, presses a kiss to her cheek. "I'm going to miss it." That's what finally brings him to tears, the thought of not seeing Mikasa again. Or Armin. Or Connie, or Jean, or Captain Levi, even the rest of them. He's had plenty of time to accept that he'd die at nineteen, was always going to die at nineteen, but now that the moment has arrived he wants to hold on just a bit longer.

Mikasa doesn't cry, at least not the way he expects her to. Tears stream down her face but she doesn't sniffle, doesn't sob, doesn't rage or scream the way she’s done in the past. He sees them both, Mikasa the girl and Mikasa the soldier, perfectly coexisting in the inky blackness of her eyes. She has made her decision. She made it before she even stepped into the mouth of the Titan.

"Kiss me one last time," Eren weeps. "Please."

"Okay," she nods, cupping his face with one hand and leaning in close. "See you later, Eren."

When Mikasa pulls away from his lips, the deed is already done. His severed head feels sickeningly heavy in her blood-stained hands. His eyes gaze beyond her, beyond the veil of this world, clouded with the knowledge of the void. The Titan around her begins to disintegrate in plumes of white steam. Mikasa swears she can smell wildflowers.

"Mikasa Ackerman," a girl's voice echoes. Mikasa whips her head around, looking for the source of the sound. Someone seems to materialize from the steam, swirling eddies of smoke coalescing in the form of a small girl, scraggly blond hair falling into her eyes, barefoot in a dirty white dress. Her face is blank, her eyes downcast.

"Ymir," Mikasa says, the name forming in her mouth before she can think of it.

Ymir nods, then points to Eren's head. "You loved him. Why did you kill him?"

"I had to."

"Why?"

"Because some things are more important than my love." Ymir stares blankly, seemingly confused. "The millions of people who died are more important. The world is more important. Besides, what kind of person would I be to stand beside someone who could slaughter so many people so senselessly?"

"You… don't love him?" The little girl blinks quickly, white lids snapping over black eyes. Something about it seems inhuman, wrong somehow. Mikasa cannot help but think of insects.

A tear falls from her face and lands on Eren’s, snaking a trail down his cheek as though he'd shed it himself. "I can never forget what he did and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him for it, but I'll always love Eren."

"You wouldn't die for him?"

Mikasa answers without hesitation. "Never."

Ymir's gaze snaps up to Mikasa's, and she feels sick from what she sees in the girl's odd, dark eyes: a hunger, almost starvation, for the scraps of affection Karl Fritz would throw at her; a longing to be treated well, to be fussed over and doted on and adored. Ymir would close her eyes and dream of a shining, beautiful man when the king held her down and fucked her, made her recoil, made her bleed, beat her when she cried out or complained of the pain. She carved out a space in her mind for him where she sculpted him into her ideal. Sometime between that first bloody night and the day the assassin's spear pierced her chest she invented a Karl Fritz out of whole cloth, a man whose cold entreaties and brutal assaults were proof of his undying love.

Mikasa sees these things from Ymir’s eyes, feels the bruises forming on her back, the tearing and bleeding between her legs, the rotted wine breath of Karl Fritz in her mouth.

"I would never have jumped in front of that spear," she says, more confident than she’s ever felt. "I wouldn't even have considered it." Ymir frowns, cocks her head like she's trying to understand. "You thought you were doing the right thing, but you protected a man who never loved you. You laid down your life for a man who forced your daughters to consume your body. He didn't even mourn you."

A flash of anger contorts Ymir's face. Her eyes dart around wildly, turning Mikasa's words over in her mind. "But he loved me," she insists.

"Did he ever tell you he loved you? Or did he treat you like a slave?" Mikasa's voice wavers at the word slave, at the memory of Eren screaming at her across that restaurant table; the moment her wall of denial came crumbling down. No matter what his plan was, it became clear that day that he would step on any of them to achieve it. She had no idea how true that assessment would become, millions of bodies crushed into the contaminated earth beneath the feet of Eren’s Titans.

She wonders if things would have happened differently if he'd just admitted once that he loved her.

"You are free," she tells Ymir. "You choose your own destiny. I am free, and I chose mine."

Ymir says nothing, her eyes luminous with tears, and then dissipates into the smoke. Mikasa is vaguely aware of the wavering steam around her, of Levi flying on Falco's back and pulling her out of the Titan's mouth before everything turns hazy and white.

She can see the scene from two thousand years earlier as clear as though she were there, floating above it all: the crowd come to see King Fritz's speech, the hooded assassin's arm pulling back, the tip of the spear glinting in the daylight. The assassin lets the spear fly, its arc perfectly aimed at the heart of the tyrant. His wife Ymir, older and slimmer than the girl Mikasa met but still with those same sad, black insect eyes, watches in horror as the tip of the spear flies closer and closer; but she does not move, not even when it impales her husband through the chest and the light in his eyes is snuffed out.

In time-lapse, Mikasa sees it all: the accession of Queen Ymir, wise and fair, and the moderate reigns of her three daughters, and their daughters after them. The power of the Titans remains within the royal family, passed down from mother to daughter, a shameful, secret birthright. They create diplomatic ties with other countries, offering succor and counsel, avoiding the path of war so as not to reveal their ultimate power. There is no Great Titan War, no walls, no telepathic manipulation. The world moves forward in fits and starts as it always has, small skirmishes and occasional wars, but the Eldians remain steadfast and committed to peace. Satisfied with Ymir's choice, Mikasa finds herself closing her eyes, opening them for the first time again in the year 835, in her parents' house just outside Shiganshina, as a new doctor pulls her into the world. He is not Grisha Yeager, she notes, and then she forgets who Grisha Yeager is entirely.

In the year 845, there is no Wall Maria for the Colossal Titan to breach, and no Colossal Titan to breach it.

Inside one of the cities in what was once Wall Rose, a history teacher writes notes on a chalkboard before his first class arrives for the day. He draws a crown in the middle of the board and writes the subject of the day's class inside of it: QUEEN YMIR THE WISE. The teacher is startled by a noise behind him; he turns to find one of his students, a shy girl called Sarah, taking a seat at her desk.

"School hasn't started yet," he says. "You're supposed to be outside."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Smith," Sarah replies. "I was looking at a really interesting bug and the other girls started making fun of me."

The teacher nods. "All right, just this once. If you’d like, sometime I could teach you how to stand up to those girls."

Hundreds of miles away, the forests of Dauper ring with the whoops of an exuberant girl, triumphing at having killed her first deer with a bow and arrow she carved herself. She doesn't care that she's scaring the other game away with her commotion, or that she has no idea how she'll lug a hundred-pound carcass all the way back home.

In Trost, a young boy lingers over his breakfast; not because he wants to miss school, but because his mother's omelet is the most delicious thing he's ever eaten and probably ever will eat. His mother ruffles his hair and pinches his round cheek, then gently chides him to eat faster or he’ll be late.

A little boy in Ragako District, a few inches shorter than his friends, demands another explanation of the multiplication tables. He doesn't quite understand the concept, goes blank when his friends try to explain arrays of rows and columns, but he believes that he can pass today's test if he tries hard enough.

Across the sea in Marley, the prosperous Eldian District is strewn with streamers, celebrating the 2000th anniversary of the assassination of the cruel King Fritz. The children have the day off from school and are gathering in the streets, purchasing candy and ice cream from vendor stalls and exchanging them as gifts to celebrate the sweetness of life. A little blond girl receives an extra coin from her father, who tells her to get something special for herself.

A few blocks away, a doctor fills his medical bag and sets off to see his first patient of the day. As he walks through the crowd of happy children, many of whom he’s delivered himself, he hopes that his only son will change his mind and join the family business.

In Mitras, a shopkeeper opens his door for the first time, pausing for a moment in the early morning sunshine to admire the wooden shingle hanging by his doorway, gently swinging in the breeze. It depicts a hand wrapped around a mug of tea, wisps of steam rising into the air above it.

The door opens while he's adjusting the canisters on the shelf behind the counter, making sure their labels face perfectly forward. His heart leaps at the tinkle of the doorbell. He picked the most musical one, the one that made him happiest when he heard it, and he feels very good about his decision.

"Hello, welcome to Ackerman Tea— Mom!" His voice takes on an adolescent whine when he addresses his mother, which makes him feel like a child and impossibly old at the same time, despite his twenty-six years.

"Did you really think I wouldn't be your first customer?" she asks, beaming. "Of course I'm going to come support my sweet boy." Her gaze sweeps over the shop, its walls painted a deep forest green, the mahogany counter polished to a mirror shine. "I'm so proud of you, Levi. You've worked so hard and it shows." Her voice quavers, her eyes filling with tears.

"Moooom," he trills, softer this time, quietly moved. Her presence feels like an auspicious omen, a reminder from the universe that someone will catch him should he fall. "Is there a tea you’re interested in, or would you like me to help you choose? We have more than thirty varieties."

"You've been practicing," his mother notes with a nod.

Levi shrugs off her comment, feeling a bit bashful that she’s noticed his hard work. "I've never been great with people, and this job is nothing but people. At least until I can hire someone to cover the counter while I blend tea in the back."

"You'll get there soon," she says, pulling a few coins from her purse. "Get me something you'd think I'd like."

He thinks for a moment, his brow furrowing in concentration, before his face lights up and he grabs a step-stool to reach a canister of black tea flavored with strawberry and rose. "This one is sweet and floral, but it becomes so much more when you add a bit of milk. You don't even need any sugar."

"Perfect. You even thought about how I take my tea." She places a few coins on the counter, watching her son approvingly as he scoops the tea into a bag, folds it closed with surgical precision, and ties a blue ribbon around it. "You're going to be a success, my love. I know it."

"That makes one of us," he smirks, then scoops the coins into his palm and puts them in the cash register, enjoying the feel of the heavy keys under his fingers, the spring-loaded pressure of the drawer. He hopes he gets to use it many more times today.

"Will you be home for dinner?"

"I should be. I can't imagine people will want to buy tea at night."

"Good," his mother says. "Because now that you're in business, we should talk about finding you a wife."

"MOM!" he exclaims, a furious blush coloring his face.

Further south in Shiganshina, Mikasa sulks as her mother walks her into town, not wanting to leave the safety of her parents' cabin to learn and play with the other children. She is perfectly happy to do chores on the farm, to learn the simultaneously mundane and arcane secrets of coaxing a plant from seed, to throw feed to the chickens and pull weeds in the garden.

"Mikasa, you're ten years old. Your father and I can't teach you everything," her mother says.

"I can learn from books. I don't need to go to school."

"The fact that you're saying that means you need to go. There's more to the world than just our farm, my sweet. You might want to see the world someday."

The little girl huffs. "I doubt it." Her mother simply shakes her head and smiles, ruminating on her daughter’s impending teenage years, a possible hint of rebellion, but finds that hard to imagine. Mikasa is usually a calm, easygoing child, though perhaps a bit too inquisitive and stubborn for her own good.

Mikasa hugs her mother fiercely at the school gate, watching as she turns and walks back up the road that leads to their farm. She’s excited to make new friends and learn new things, but she misses her home more than she ever thought possible. She lets out a soft sigh, then turns to face the crowd of running, yelling children; her new classmates.

She trudges around the grassy schoolyard, dodging groups of kids chasing each other or playing impromptu games. Everyone seems to know each other already; even if she did feel comfortable enough to go up to someone and introduce herself, she has no idea who to approach first.

"Hey! Give that back!" someone screams behind her. Mikasa turns around to see a small blond boy jumping up and down, reaching for a book that a larger boy dangles just above his grasp. The larger boy just laughs at him, taunting him with the book, threatening to tear it from its spine.

Mikasa frowns, balling her fists at her sides, then approaches the boys. "He said to give his book back," she says to the bully. "Give it back."

The bully laughs. "You think you can tell me what to do?"

"I think you should give the book back if you know what's good for you," she snarls, putting her hands on her hips. The bully laughs again and shoves Mikasa out of the way with one hand, making her stumble backwards, tripping over her own feet until she lands on her behind in the dirt. She gets up, dusts herself off, and runs up to the bully, punching him square in the nose. He falls to the ground, dropping the book. Mikasa tosses it to the blond boy. The bully grabs his nose, tears welling in his eyes, and lets out a wail when he sees his hand smeared with blood.

"You leave him alone!" Mikasa threatens, looming over the bully, her dark eyes shining. He scrabbles to his feet and runs away and she lets out a relieved breath, her heart hammering in her chest.

"That was amazing!" the little boy says. When he approaches her, she finds that he's not actually that small, only a few inches shorter than her. "I've never seen you before. Are you new?"

"It's my first day," she replies. "I've lived here all my life but I haven't been to school yet."

"I'm Armin," the boy says. "What's your name?"

"Mikasa."

"That’s an interesting name. Are you from Hizuru?" Armin asks, his eyes wide with curiosity. He holds up his book, a thick, leather-bound tome, A Brief History of Hizuru and the Minor East Sea Islands written in gilt lettering. "My parents told me that the whole country is built around a volcano. A big mountain filled with liquid fire! Well, technically it’s molten rock."

"My mom's family is from Hizuru, but I’ve never been there and I don't know anything about any liquid fire mountains," she says tentatively.

"It's real!" he gushes. "I'm reading about it now. I could tell you about it more at recess if you want. I like to sit under that tree over there." He points off in the distance, at a huge pine tree that shades a corner of the yard. "They're going to ring the bell soon, otherwise I'd tell you now. Volcanoes are so cool. Sometimes they explode and shoot the liquid fire into the sky like a firework."

"Wow!" Mikasa marvels with a smile. "I can’t wait to hear about them."

#snk 139 #snk spoilers #snk leaks #snk fanfiction #alienheartattack writes

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liloelsagranger · 3 years

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Night shift - Chapter 2 (Rocketshipping)

Chapter 2:

The whip already raised for use, Jessiebelle reared up in front of James, who was cowering on the floor all intimidated. “Where have you been? Do you realize how worried I was?” She swung the whip and gave James a blow. James cried out in pain, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He knew that this little excursion into freedom would have consequences. Today Jessiebelle carried out the punishment with her favourite tool and throttled her fiancé without batting an eye.

“You have to be chastised, otherwise you might get ideas and leave me, and we both don’t want that, right James?”

The young man was trembling with pain. He grabbed his arm with the gaping wound. Sometimes he wanted to die, sometimes he wanted to leave this world, thoughts that had plagued him since he was a child. But the urge to be free and to be able to live his own life had prevented him from doing anything stupid until then and thinking of the waitress Jessie gave him new hope. Another lash!

“Please, Jessiebelle, stop!” he pleaded. “I’ve learned my lesson, I’ll never sneak away again, but please, have mercy!” Tears streamed down his face. Jessiebelle knelt beside her fiancé and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

“This is the only way you will learn to be obedient and please your future wife. Sometimes you have to take harsher measures to open someone’s eyes to how much love is involved here. I love you, James,” she breathed into his ear. James cried bitter tears. If this is love, what does abysmal hatred feel like?

She left him crouching on the floor, alone in his pain and thick tears of despair. James was breathing heavily, he could barely move, but he had a mission and nothing and no one, certainly not Jessiebelle’s abuse would stop him. With the last of his strength, he tried to get to his feet, left the torture cellar and sank into his pillow, tired and exhausted. Tomorrow night he would see her again, Jessie. He imagined her smile, her sapphire blue eyes, and slipped into a fitful sleep.

The day dragged on endlessly. James counted the hours until he could sneak out through the service exit. When evening came, he waited for the right moment to dismiss the property. The servants covered him, they were on his side and could no longer watch this tragedy of a relationship.

“I hope the wound heals quickly, James. This tincture is a recipe from my grandmother, it is supposed to work wonders. Look how Jessiebelle is ruining you. You are a shadow of your former self.” Maria became quite emotional at the sight of those deep cuts. She had cared for James since he was a little boy every time his parents were traveling the world again. Seeing him like this, abused, beaten and mistreated, broke her heart. James put a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry about me, Maria. There’s someone worth living for,” he put on a weak smile. “And I really need to see her,” he pressed on the tourniquet and disappeared into the night.

As James walked along the Strip, he noticed the many carnies and performers. Some were painting portraits of the tourists; others were juggling ten balls at once. Others sang and played music and thrilled the guests with little show acts. It wasn’t long before James spotted Ash, who was holding the crowd spellbound with his Pikachu. He had many tricks up his sleeve and his little Pokémon was exceptionally well trained. They were a welded team and impressed the audience with a fantastic interlude consisting of various electric attacks that Pikachu was capable of. The crowd went wild, applauded and cheered. The coins were already jingling, the bills flowing. James wanted to do more than one good deed today and secretly put a hundred-Pokédollar bill in Ash’s hat. With it, he and his friends could enjoy a delicious dinner at the Diner. Ash could hardly believe his eyes when he fished the large bill out of his hat. His mouth was open, never had he received so much tip before. His gaze wandered through the audience and stuck to James.

“Hey! Aren’t you the guy who was at the Diner last night?” he asked him. James nodded his head. “Wow! What happened to your face? Where did you get that black eye?” Ash wondered. Should James tell him a tall tale or come clean with the truth? He didn’t know this boy at all and honestly, he didn’t want to hang his private life on the big bell.

“Work accident,” James replied. Ash nodded his understanding and stowed the big money in his pocket. He had no idea that his sponsor was standing right in front of him.

“Are you coming by today? Fridays are fish day, you’ll miss out on the tastiest salmon and sea food if you don’t show up later.”

That’s when it slipped out of James’ mouth. “Is Jessie having a night shift tonight?” It was so foolish, he felt pretty stupid. What kind of impression did this make on young Ash? The boy grinned maliciously.

“Jessie is at the Diner every single night, trying to keep herself and that place afloat, it takes hard work, but she’s up to any problem. So yeah, she’ll be there. Why?”

James blushed to the roots of his hair. “Oh nothing, she just served me very well.” James shrugged it off, but one question still burned on his mind. “This man, who works with her at the Diner. Is that her boyfriend?” Ash laughed out loud.

“You mean Eddy? He’s ace. All he wants are close and deep friendships, but nothing more. A hug is still in, but not a step further. You don’t have to worry about him but let me give you some good advice. Give Jessie some space and don’t press her. Life wasn’t always easy for her.” Ash packed up his paraphernalia and disappeared down a dark side street.

Late in the evening, James hardly dared to show up at the Diner. He was visibly nervous and couldn’t quite explain to himself why. Of course, he was happy to see Jessie again and to enjoy her first-class service, to feel her warm smile on his skin. On the other hand, he didn’t want her to see him maltreated like that. But when he entered the restaurant, the atmosphere was really tense. He discovered the large bouquet of flowers that he had secretly sent her, but Jessie seemed to be anything but pleased about it. He approached the waitress and overheard snippets of conversation that made him shudder. Turning to Eddy, she showed her best friend the small note James had enclosed. “He’s trying to suck up again, that lousy guy! Signs it with a friggin J. Like I wouldn’t guess it’s that assface of Jack’s who’s supposedly trying to make up with me. Throw this bouquet in the trash can right now, Eddy! Get it out of my sight!” she commanded. This action had gone completely wrong. But how could James have known that Jessie’s ex-boyfriend’s name started with a J, too? He put a hand on her shoulder and Jessie immediately winced. “Oh, it’s you. Sorry, I didn’t see anyone enter de Diner. I’ll come right over and take your order.” She heaved a deep sigh, gave way to her anger, and kicked the trash can with all her might.

James had probably hit the wrong nerve. Now he felt all the more pathetic. He wanted to please Jessie with the bouquet and show his gratitude for the nice service, but this action was a shot in the foot.

The waitress was beside herself when she reached James’ table. Her hair was mussed, she rummaged in her apron for her tiny notebook to write down the incoming orders and could not concentrate on her guests. Something had to have happened, and James was trying to figure out how to help Jessie. It was his turn to ask her about her day. “Miserable, James. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong! But I don’t want to burden you with my stuff, I’m sure you have other things to worry about, judging by your eye…” James’ hand shot up. “I’ll get you cooling pads”, Jessie was overly attentive and James liked that feeling of being cared for by someone. There was no emotion in his relationship with Jessiebelle, except for pain and hatred. There could never be any question of love. It was an arranged engagement, and his parents didn’t care how much James suffered from Jessiebelle’s mannerisms. James wanted to offer Jessie all his attention in return, he wanted to listen to her, ask her how her day had been and talk for hours about trivial things that made him forget for a short time the strains of a botched relation.

“Here’s your coke and a turkey sandwich. Enjoy!” she forced herself to smile, but the day’s toil was gnawing away at her. James had to take the initiative. “Please, sit down for a minute. There aren’t many guests, you can certainly take a short break”, he offered her the seat next to him. She looked around, nodded wearily, and let herself sink into the chair. “What a day,” Jessie grabbed the menu card and fanned herself. He turned to her, eyeing her beautiful face, and straining to take in her every word. “Maybe you’ve already noticed, but the Strip is no place for rich snobs. Drunks and homeless people hang out here. Most of the guys who come to my Diner can’t even pay, so they charge me. Unfortunately, at the end of the month there is barely enough for the rent…and food must also be purchased. We work to the limit, staying open late to make a few Pokédollars, but it just doesn’t pay. Cassidy paid us a visit today. You remember? That broad from the newspaper? She threatened to kick us out, said she was going take the Diner away from us piece by piece. I just don’t know what to do, we barley make ends meet and we have far too few guests. What should I do? Oh, why am I talking to you, you have enough problems,” she buried her face in her hands and sighed. James stroked her cheek. He could have bought the Diner at the push of a button, but he didn’t want to be liked for his money, he wanted to be liked for who he was, the real him.

“Don’t hang your head, I could help you out after all. I don’t want a salary, a roof over my head and a warm sandwich in the evening is perfectly fine”, he smiled encouragingly at her. ‘And I can be closer to you,’ he didn’t say it out loud. She raised her head and looked at him questioningly. “What do you want in this shabby place? I’m sure you have better places to stay and besides, I really can’t pay you anything, we’re almost broke…”

James felt embarrassed. If only Jessie knew how much he wanted to escape the shackles of this terrible relationship. He wanted to be free, no matter what the cost. He wanted to have air to breathe, he wanted to laugh and have a zest for life, and that’s what he hoped to find at the Diner. With people who could show compassion, who responded to the needs of others, without batting an eye, were willing to offer a helping hand to even the most down-and-out creatures on the Strip. “You know, I have some idea about advertising and marketing. With just a piece of cardboard and my loud blabbermouth, I can double your customer base. Trust me,” he held out his hand to her and she took it. What tender, soft skin. So fragile. What have these hands had to endure? Cleaning, washing, cooking, tidying up. Such delicate hands must be protected, and James already knew how. He wished this handshake would never stop. For the first time he felt the perky waitress and it was overwhelming. A slight tug in his heart area told him where this journey would lead, and he hoped Jessie would be the destination. He had never felt so attracted to a woman before. She was different, she was a fighter that not even the worst news could wear out. For a brief moment, they looked at each other, smiling. No words were needed to describe the attraction between these two. They lost themselves in their gazes, even if it was only for a split second. Something blossomed between them, a tiny flame of hope, of forgetting and of new beginnings.

“I’m about to get out my violin and serve them a plate of spaghetti with meatballs,” Eddy murmured to one of their guests. “Yes, yes, our Jessie has sworn off love, but she seems to make a big and fat exception with James…” “Let there be fish for everyone! Let’s celebrate, my friends!” Ash rumbled into the Diner, followed by his two best mates, Misty and Brock. They immediately destroyed the intimate moment between Jessie and her new co-worker James. They both jumped up and tried to hide their blushes. Jessie cleared her throat. “Get to work, James! We don’t want to keep our guests waiting!”

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reyescarlos · 4 years

Text

you and i || a buddie fic

for my yeehaw darling @buckleys-diaz who has a heart bigger than her home state. i’m wishing you the absolute happiest of birthdays! forever grateful the fates decided to let our paths cross. ily 💕💜

word count 4.7k || read on ao3

We can meet in the middle Bodies and souls collide Dance in the moonlight When all the stars align

There are few people Eddie would drive six hours for on a Friday afternoon but with one goal in mind, for one person in particular, the journey— he knew— would be well worth it.

Putting a label on what Buck was to him now was a difficult thing to do. They were exes. They were friends. They were co-workers. But they were so much more than all of that combined. Those titles did not begin to tell the story of what Buck meant to him. But finding the words, let alone saying them out loud was just as futile a task as trying to parse through what he felt each time Buck so much as said his name.

Eddie’s feelings were many and varied and he wasn’t particularly skilled at speaking his mind. But what he could do was show a person what they meant to him and today would be no different.

Six hours behind the wheel was exhausting but it was worth each and every second to see the look on Buck’s as he pulled up to Mysterious Galaxy Bookstore in San Diego.

Buck had stared for a moment up at the shop. A line was starting to form

“You drove us six hours to go to a bookstore? There are so many great ones back in L.A.,” he said, confusion coloring his tone and features.

“True but none of them are doing an in-store signing with Andy Weir today, now are they?”

Eddie had thought Buck short-circuited with the way the man held his breath, jaw slacked, and eyes unblinking for a moment.

“No. No way,” he finally said, tearing his eyes away from Eddie and swiveling back to look at the store. He’d craned his neck a bit closer to the glass, taking notice of the poster in the store's window advertising for Andy’s latest novel.

“Eddie,” he breathed, shaking his head. “Are you serious right now?”

“Like you said, I drove us six hours. Do you think I’m kidding?” he laughed. “Come on, let’s grab a spot in line before it turns into a complete zoo out here.”

Eddie had gone into the backseat and retrieved an item he’d hidden back there this whole time. He came around to where Buck anxiously stood on the sidewalk

“I wish I had my—,” he started to say but stopped short as Eddie held out Buck’s personal copy of The Martian.

“I may or may not have nicked it off you the last time I was over at your place.”

Buck took the book from him and smiled so brightly it made Eddie’s heart ache. To be able to make Buck smile like that even after they called it quits felt like a gift.

“Unbelievable, thank you,” he remarked holding on closely to the well-loved book.

Eddie knew how much he loved it, so much so that Buck had made it a goal to get Eddie hooked on the novel. Buck was a huge fan of Weir’s but had unfortunately missed out on his signing back home due to work. Eddie had happened across an ad online promoting Andy’s new book and had clicked around to see more about it, the author’s name etched into his mind thanks to Buck’s repeated mentions.

Watching Buck get the chance to meet his favorite author and chat briefly was something he would never forget and Eddie knew for a fact that Buck never would either. Eddie had stood off to the side, taking pictures of Buck with the author, practically beaming with Buck as the writer expressed how happy he was to see Buck’s well-loved copy of his first novel. Buck’s copy had tabs and annotations in the margins. There was no doubt that he’d read the novel repeatedly.

As they leave the store now, Buck’s happiness just seems to roll off of him in waves, the edges of it reaching Eddie until he’s consumed entirely by it as well. It’s something to relish in.

In the car Buck still clings to his books as if they're a lifeline of some kind. Eddie looks at him for a moment, a perfect snapshot of the man he loves reveling in the high of a perfect day before he starts the engine and merges with traffic.

“I still can’t believe you did this for me, Eds,” Buck reveres, staring down at the books in his hands. He opens up to the title page once more where his name is scribbled alongside Andy’s message and signature.

Eddie pulls his gaze back to the road, Buck’s enthusiasm rubbing off on him as he smiles to himself. It does something to his heart to see Buck this happy, moreover to know that he’s the cause of that joy. It’s a comfort to know he’s capable of such a thing.

“I know how bummed you were when you missed his L.A. stop and he’s your favorite. It only seemed right. It was nothing.”

“Wrong. So wrong, Eddie. It’s everything. Thank you,” Buck says as they pull up to a red light.

Eddie takes advantage of this short reprieve to look over at Buck again. He feels that all too familiar twinge in his heart that he always does when he stares into Buck’s eyes for even a second too long. All those feelings he tries so hard to stifle live so close to the surface. Eddie feels like it’s a full-time job trying to keep them at bay. Times like this really put him to the test, especially when he can see something mirrored back in Buck’s expression. If he was a braver man, he would ask but fear is a worthy adversary and Eddie is left with no other option than to concede defeat.

He offers up a small smile before pressing his foot against the pedal the moment the light turns green. It serves as the perfect break to the trance.

“I will get you to read The Martian one day, if it’s the last thing I do,” Buck jokingly warns.

“I’ll watch the movie and we’ll call it even.”

Buck scoffs and falls silent again. Eddie can hear the rustling of the book’s pages as Buck combs through it once again. The ease to which they’ve always been able to move around each other is something that Eddie will never grow tired of. Considering the fact that they’re no longer together, he’s even more grateful for the fact that they’ve been able to maintain a close relationship.

Far too often Eddie is wracked with guilt and doubt over his decision to end things. They hadn’t even been official long before he broke them up. He had surrendered to fear and succumbed to the voice in the back of his head that told him he wasn’t good enough, that he would inevitably find a way to screw things up. He felt Buck deserved better and had decided to set him free.

It’s a moment in his life that Eddie revisits constantly. He remembers with stunning clarity the way Buck’s face had fallen when Eddie had him over that night to talk. Eddie had been selfishly glad when Buck said he wanted to remain friends. He wasn’t sure how that would work or if it was simply Buck trying to ease the tension but it’s been a few months now and they’re still so tight-knit. Eddie knows how lucky he is for it, that so many people in his shoes would simply just miss out on maintaining any connection to their ex.

Eddie never wants to lose this. He isn’t sure how he’d be expected to carry on if he didn’t, at the very least, have Buck in his corner as a friend. But he also knows that he will always long for what they had. It might not have lasted long but the feelings they both had were quite real and serious. They’d had a solid friendship before getting together, one built on love and trust. It made dating seem like the only logical next step but Eddie had retreated.

He tries not to think about that now. Dwelling on his missteps never leads to anything good. He opts to focus instead on the fact that he’s still able to bring a smile to Buck’s face and do something special for him.

Eddie has only been driving for about thirty minutes when smoke begins to billow from the hood. He turns on his indicator, pulling over onto the side of the road.

“Just great,” he mutters as he kills the engine, unbuckling his seatbelt and exiting the car. He heads to the front and unlatches the hood, fanning the smoke away from his face as he peers inside.

Buck is right beside him seconds later, trying to gauge what’s the matter. Eddie leaves him to investigate; between the two of them, Buck is the more mechanical one. Eddie watches with furrowed brows as Buck pokes around for a bit, tracking a bead of sweat as it races down the side of Buck’s neck and disappears into the collar of his shirt. Eddie quickly shifts his focus. The priority right now is tending to his vehicle, not getting distracted by his ex. It’s far easier said than done as Buck stands back and wipes at his brow. He looks particularly rugged, his fitted t-shirt hugging his frame just so. It’s enough to make Eddie’s throat feel dry.

Eddie reins himself back in, all too glad when Buck speaks so that his thoughts can get back on track.

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I think we’re going to have to call this one in,” he says with a sigh. “Looks to me like you’ve got a cracked cylinder.”

Eddie purses his lips but nods, taking his phone out of his pocket and pulling up the number for a local car service. He explains the situation they’re in to the man on the phone who assures him that he’ll get a tow truck out to their location as quickly as possible.

“And now we wait,” he says to Buck, heading back to the car to take a seat.

Buck is grinning as he settles back into the passenger seat.

“And I know just how you can kill the time,” he replies, holding up his tattered copy of The Martian.

Eddie jokingly groans but takes the novel from a smug Buck before turning to the first page. The opening line couldn’t be more accurate to how he feels about being stuck on the side of the road with an ex-boyfriend he’s still very much in love with:

I’m pretty much fucked.

He steals a glance at Buck but quickly sees there’s no reason for him to try and be covert. Buck is already engulfed by his new book. Eddie can’t help but to silently observe him, taking notice of the way Buck’s whole demeanor changes when he’s relaxed and zeroed in on the task of reading. It’s such a familiar expression and once again, it makes Eddie feel wistful for their relationship. How many nights had he spent in bed beside Buck, nose in a book swearing that he just needed to finish off a chapter before turning off the light? It’d always been endearing to see Buck in his element, soaking up as much from a story as he could before calling it a night.

If Eddie could go back in time and stop himself from ending things, he would in a heartbeat. At times Eddie would get the crazy idea in mind that he should just tell Buck he’s made a mistake, that he wants for them to try again. But to do so would be to disrupt the balance they’ve been able to find and maintain for themselves.

He can’t risk that nor would he place Buck in the awkward position of being put on the spot. This was Eddie’s error and he has already resigned himself to the fact that he’ll just have to live with the consequences of his decision.

They sit in a silence so comfortable for so long that Eddie has made significant progress on the book by the time their tow truck arrives. Buck’s copy is so dog-eared and well-worn that Eddie has to use a random receipt from the center console to mark his place. Buck reluctantly sets aside his new book, careful to put it back inside of the bookstore bag to keep it protected before hopping out.

Eddie climbs out of the car yet again too and greets the mechanic. The man gives the engine the onceover and confirms Buck’s theory.

“Can you fix it here?” Eddie asks. They’re hours behind schedule and the last thing he wants is to be delayed any further by having to go down to the shop.

“No, ‘fraid not. I can take it in overnight and let you know in the morning or early afternoon.”

Eddie blows out a breath and runs an impatient hand through his hair but Buck doesn’t seem bothered by the sudden change in plans at all.

“Is there somewhere nearby that we can crash for the night?” he asks.

“There’s a motel just up the road there. I can drop you fellas off and give you a call tomorrow when your car’s ready,” the mechanic says.

“Works for me,” Buck replies with an indifferent shrug. “I like a good adventure.”

That was one of the things Eddie had grown to love most about Buck. His optimism could almost be blind but it meant he chose to see good in people and situations. That was a trait Eddie would always respect. Looking on the bright side wasn’t always easy for him but with Buck, he had learned how to let the light in. That kind of thing left its mark on a person and Eddie’s life hasn’t been the same, in the best ways imaginable. But holding on to good wasn’t a skill Eddie had ever truly mastered, even when he had someone so perfect for him right within his grasp.

He fights the thought from lingering now. He’s spent the last few months falling down that spiral and it’s yet to assuage him of the regret he feels.

Instead, he follows after Buck to the car to grab their stuff before piling into the cab of the tow truck.

This evening isn’t going at all like Eddie envisioned; the last thing he pictured for either of them was being smushed in the front section of a tow truck or having to stay overnight in San Diego. But life, he knew better than most, seldom went according to plan. What mattered most was that this day was still special for Buck and wasn’t overshadowed by the sudden turn of events.

The mechanic drops them off at the motel and Eddie trades contact information with him before thanking him and parting ways.

“Do you think we should have called ahead to make sure they even have rooms available?” Eddie asks, suddenly realizing the gamble they are taking.

“Maybe but I’m sure it’ll be fine. If they don’t have any vacancies, we can always try somewhere else. Come on.”

Eddie nods and follows Buck inside. As far as off the road motels go, this one isn’t too sketchy which comes as a mild comfort to Eddie. Their night is already feeling like some kind of parody.

He marches to the receptionist counter where a middle aged man is writing something down on a notepad.

“Hi, excuse me,” Eddie greets. “Would you happen to have any rooms available for the night?”

The man looks up and glances between Eddie and Buck. “For you two?”

Eddie stands up a bit straighter. “Yes.”

“Lucky you; I’ve only got one free one left. Everything else is booked up solid.”

Eddie sighs in relief. “That’s perfect. We’ll take it.”

He hands over his card for the man to charge before taking it back and the key he hands to him for their room. Eddie leads them both over to their room, toying with the motel keychain attached. It’s silly to feel nervous when he’s spent so much time around Buck but he hadn’t been planning on spending the night with him like this. The plan was to just drive straight through, maybe trade off if he felt tired and let Buck bring them back to Los Angeles. Nowhere on the itinerary did he expect to be sharing a room with his ex.

Eddie opens the door to the room once they arrive and falters for a moment. He retraces his conversation with the receptionist, suddenly realizing he hadn’t been clear in seeing if the room had two beds. When the man asked if they would be sharing the space, Eddie realizes now that the clerk hadn’t been prying or being standoffish. He must have assumed that Eddie and Buck were a couple who wouldn’t have any qualms about sharing a bed.

He steps further inside and drops his bag down on the floor at the foot of the bed, staring at it as if it’s something he has to decode. He then looks to Buck to see if he’s just as taken aback as he is but he can’t detect any unease or discomfort at the situation they’ve now found themselves in. They haven’t shared a bed in months, not since they broke up and Eddie doesn’t know if this is pushing boundaries.

“I can take the floor or see if they can bring up a cot or something.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t bite you know,” Buck teases. But Eddie’s face heats up thinking about all the times that wasn’t true when they both got carried away in bed. Buck must realize the inaccuracy same as Eddie because he laughs and says, “Well, not always, anyway.”

Eddie laughs in spite of himself and shakes his head, stuffing his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

“Alright. If you’re cool with it then I am, too.”

Buck smiles reassuringly at him before setting his duffle bag on top of the bed and scrounging around for a change of clothes. He manages to find something and Eddie lets out a breath when Buck takes his findings to the bathroom to get changed for bed.

This is going to be a long night, Eddie thinks to himself as he follows Buck’s lead and grabs a change of clothes for himself. He makes quick work of swapping out his jeans for pajama bottoms. As he’s tugging down his new t-shirt he hears a small creaking sound of a door to the left of him.

“Sorry,” Buck mumbles where he stands frozen in the doorway of the bathroom, pulling his gaze away from Eddie’s frame.

Eddie stays in place, rooted to his spot as well. “You’re fine.”

He wonders at how long Buck may have been standing there but he casts the thought aside. It’s ridiculous to think that he could have still have that effect on Buck. What they had was over and done with. It didn’t matter if his heart still wanted Buck, if every part of him still longed for his ex. He wouldn’t drag Buck back when they already agreed to move forward.

Buck taps his fingers soundlessly against his thigh before he joins Eddie in the main space of the room.

There’s an odd energy between them now, living in the silence that cloaks the room. Eddie can feel the weight of it pressing against him but he has to wonder if it’s just all in his head.

“We should get some sleep. With luck we’ll be able to get out of here early,” he says with a small yawn.

It’s been an extremely long day of driving all the way up from L.A. and the thought of closing his eyes and getting decent rest sounds appealing. But once again he looks at the bed they’re going to have to share and suddenly his fatigue dissipates.

“You’re right, yeah.”

Buck braves climbing into bed first, taking a spot on the left side of the mattress, his usual place in bed. Just the familiarity of that makes Eddie feel nervous but to dawdle would be to raise suspicion and the last thing he wants is to make Buck feel as if he can’t be around him.

Eddie shuts off the bedside light as he lays on top the covers. His mind is a storm sending his thoughts crashing around his head. It’s all so loud and disorienting, so much so that all Eddie can do is stare up ahead at the darkened ceiling above him and wait for it to pass.

He doesn't hear the usual soft sounds of Buck’s breathing, the telltale sign that sleep has found him. He knows what this means, that beside him Buck is wide awake too. He wonders about what Buck could be thinking of. A part of him— all of him, truthfully— is hoping that Buck is awake now for the same reasons he is. There’s so much on the tip of his tongue that’s been trying to come out. But for months now, Eddie has been able to hide it safely behind friendly smiles. It’s been taking its toll though and now, laying beside Buck, being close enough to feel the warmth of his body, it feels like he only has seconds left on the clock before this little game is over.

“Are you awake?” Buck asks.

Eddie sits up a bit and turns on the lamp before shifting to see Buck.

“What’s on your mind?”

Buck turns his head to look at him. All Eddie can do is stare silently, studying the features he’s long since grown accustomed to. It’s how he knows there’s a hesitancy in Buck’s eyes, that there’s something he wants to say but isn’t sure how to.

“I’m just thinking about how awesome today has been.”

“You mean car trouble and impromptu overnight stay aside?”

Buck laughs softly. “Maybe even more because of it. I actually wasn’t ready to go back home yet. I really like having this time with you.”

Buck holds his gaze and Eddie’s traitorous heart beats faster at the implication of these words.

“Yeah, me too. I wanted today to be special. You deserve that. I’m glad you had a good time.”

Buck opens his mouth to speak but just sighs instead, casting his gaze downward to where Eddie’s hand rests in the small space between them. Eddie holds his breath to see what his ex will do, silently praying for some kind of contact, some kind of sign that Buck wants to get closer too. Eddie knows he can’t be alone in feeling this pull.

Silently Buck places his hand over Eddie’s and gives it a soft, barely there squeeze.

“It means more to me than I think you’ll ever know. The fact that you went out of your way like that...I don’t know. I’m just lucky to have you,” Buck says. “I mean, as a friend. I’m uh, I’m really...um, grateful.”

Buck frowns a bit to himself and it’s obvious to Eddie that there’s more Buck wants to say. If Buck could be brave enough to breach the conversation that’s apparently long overdue, Eddie knows he can be too and take the baton from Buck and continue this race.

“Friends, right.”

Eddie clears his throat and braces himself for what he’s about to say. Jumping in headfirst is terrifying but if it leads to complete transparency and the chance at speaking honestly, Eddie decides it’s more than worth it.

“I don’t think we’ve ever really gone back to being friends. At least I know I haven’t, not completely. You know, sometimes I’d think it’d be easier if I could just move on from this. But I know how lucky I was. I don’t ever want to forget what we had or how it felt to be loved by you,” Eddie says boldly, cutting right to the chase.

The weight of the truth off his chest is an instant relief though, quickly in its place, comes the worry that he’s said too much too soon. With him it always seems to be all or nothing, one extreme or the other. But Eddie feels that he’s been quiet for too long about this as it is. These last few months have been torture with the true nature of his feelings eating away at him. Now isn’t the time to cower anymore.

There’s something about being out of Los Angeles and miles away from home that makes him feel brave, as if he and Buck are somehow on a different plane of existence. Whatever is spoken now is truly just between the two of them now. There isn’t any concern of anyone coming along and interrupting. True to form, with Buck he can be his full self. He can be candid and vulnerable with him in a way he would never even dream of letting his guard down around anyone else.

“Past tense,” Buck notes quietly. “You say that as if I’m somehow over you.”

This comment catches Eddie off guard and he knows it must show in his face from the way Buck smiles at him.

“Are you really surprised by that? I didn’t want us to break up. I just respected the fact that you weren’t ready just yet. That didn’t mean I stopped caring about you in that way. I could never.”

“I’m sorry I got scared,” Eddie says, intertwining their fingers and pulling Buck’s hand to his chest.

Buck shakes his head. “You don’t have to apologize; I’ve never been upset with you. It’s okay. We’re okay.”

Eddie cups Buck’s face with his free hand, watching the way his stunning blue eyes drift closed, lashes casting shadows on the apples of his cheeks. Another snapshot from this already perfect day: the sight of Buck in what could only be described as bliss from his touch. Eddie takes in Buck’s expression, the softness of his face, the openness and trust being expressed here.

In a word, it’s perfect. And in this moment, it’s his.

Eddie leans in tentatively and Buck’s eyes open once again, tracking Eddie’s movement, his lips parting in anticipation. Eddie breathes him in as he closes the distance, allowing himself to free fall right into this kiss.

He strokes Buck’s cheek with the pad of his thumb, tracing the contours of his face like a sculptor. This moment is a masterpiece and Eddie wants to give it the time and care that it rightfully deserves.

Buck matches his pace, his mouth roving over Eddie’s with such ease. This is nothing new to them and yet in some capacity this feels different. Second chances don’t come around often too often for Eddie but this time around, he’s certain he can get it right. These last few months without this level of access to Buck had been trying. So many weeks stretched out before him, each day fading a memory of what he once had.

Kissing Buck now is like breathing new life into him. The void that had taken up residency in the center of him is being filled with each touch, each soft sound leaving Buck and being entrusted with him. Eddie kisses him back deeply, letting go of all those fears that plagued him before, that he would somehow turn out to be the opposite of what Buck wanted. This man was very clearly choosing him, and has deemed him worth the time it took to wait for Eddie to finally accept a good thing that was being presented to him.

Now that they’ve crossed this threshold, there’s no turning back and that’s precisely how Eddie wants it.

Eddie pulls away to draw in a clean breath after a few moments, his chest heaving. Buck’s face is flushed, his lips slightly swollen and upturned in an almost embarrassed smile but Eddie doesn’t think he has any reason to be bashful. He leans in once more and places a gentle kiss on Buck’s lips, feeling the smile wipe away as Buck grows serious and wraps his arms around Eddie, holding him tightly.

This day has turned into something he couldn’t have ever seen coming but Eddie knows one thing to be true:

The safest place he could ever dwell is right here in Buck’s heart.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buck x eddie #useralie #sulkybbarnes #starlightbuck #userpauline #userthai #captainstennerstar #tylerhunklin #userbeff #userbecky #usermaddiee #sunshinestrand #softboiidiaz #hope yall dont mind being tagged sorry if you do ily byyyye #kimmy writes

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90simaginesandfanfics · 5 years

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Cradle Broken Glass - Chapter Sixty Three

“I called on the phone earlier to make sure that the Centrepieces had been delivered and I was assured by whoever the fuck I talked to that they had been received and were being placed on the tables as we spoke. Clearly that was a fucking lie, so where the fuck are my centrepieces?” Ash bit out, her whole body tense and as she spoke to the manager. The pale faced man who looked like he was about to shit himself went to opened his mouth to respond when he was cut off again by the pissed off bride.

“Do you know who you’re dealing with here? Because as far as you’re concerned our wedding is going to bring hundreds of dollars in for your hotel. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought that Rolling Stone was going to be coming on Saturday to write an article on it. So if you don’t get me my fucking centrepieces then I’m assuming you want me to take my business elsewhere and allow them to benefit off of your mistake.” She finished. Ash was short, about 5”4, but the look on the man’s face made it seem like he was facing up to Goliath. And as much as she knew her best friend was letting her emotions get the best of her, Layla still felt afraid herself of what she would do if everything wasn’t in order for Saturday’s wedding and reception.

“Look, let’s all just calm down and talk to the delivery service. I’m sure we can figure out what’s happened and get it sorted out.” Jeff stepped in, trying to neutralise the situation.

“Do you have an office with a phone or something, somewhere where we can talk this out and try to fix it?” He continued and the owner nodded eagerly before directing them through a hallway on the side of the ballroom. Layla raised her hand up to her mouth, attempting to hide the laugh that was about her escape her when Ash turned back and gave her a glare, shutting her up immediately. The pair left the room but not before Jeff turned around to her and rolled his eyes as if to say ‘this is what I’m marrying into’.

She felt bad for him. No one could have predicted that Ash would get this tightly wound up over the wedding, but all the pressure from the press and media was making her feel like she needed to have everything perfect. Layla completely understood where she was coming from, but she could not wait for everything to be over so she would go back to the Ash that she knew. And she could bet Jeff felt the same.

But nothing could spoil the excitement that everyone was feeling for the next two days. It was all anyone had been talking about and Jeff was constantly being teased about settling down despite the fact that he had claimed he would stay a single man for the rest of his life. The two of them were perfect together and Layla smiled when she thought about how neither of them had realised the other had feelings for them at first. They were lucky that she was such a nosy best friend who played matchmaker and forced them to talk about how they felt. At least she was going to take the credit regardless of what anyone else said.

“What are you smiling about?” Eddie’s voice pulled her from her daydream and she noticed that she’d been staring into space for a while with a dreamy look on her face. She turned and looked at him briefly before moving around the tables and making sure that everything that needed to be on them was there and in perfect order.

“Nothing, just lost my head there for a while.” She replied with a neutral tone. She noticed that Eddie had been doing that more and more since they had seen each other again. Acting like everything was normal. He treated her like a friend, which she wasn’t complaining about, but it felt like there was a massive elephant in the room they were ignoring. And she didn’t understand how he could be so casual about it. They hadn’t had many interactions since but all of them had been polite. This was the first time they were talking after their dispute outside of the restaurant without someone else in the room, and she felt a sudden urgent awkwardness descend on them both as they made their way around the room, fixing placements and straightening the chairs.

“Is there a Layla here?” Someone said from the entrance of the ballroom and she turned to find the receptionist.

“Yes, that’s me, why?”

“Someone’s on the phone for you, they asked for a Layla. Didn’t give a name. You can use the landline in the corner, I’ve put them on line four.” She said before walking out of the room.

Layla looked around and spotted the phone. She could feel Eddie’s eyes on her as she walked over to it and picked up the receiver.

“Hello, Layla speaking.”

“You need to come back. These people here have no fucking clue what they’re doing. I asked one of them to get me some baby powder because I can’t get into all the latex without it, and the asshole comes back with icing sugar from the canteen like I’m not supposed to tell the difference between them. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that Layla, bake a fucking cake? Although I wouldn’t mind sticking my head in the oven if this tour doesn’t finish soon.” Trent’s voice whined through the phone and Layla had to stop herself from laughing as he went on and on about how bad things were without her there.

One thing she knew to be true was that Trent liked things done a certain way. He wasn’t a diva by any means but he also didn’t pay people to mess things up. He took music and performing very seriously and hated the thought of charging fans loads of money only for him to not perform a show that they were never going to forget. And that meant getting his latex and leather shorts on with baby powder.

“Look, it’s only a couple more weeks and then you can go home and sleep for the next year if you want to.” She replied, although she also wished she was on tour with him right now. She wouldn’t miss Ash’s wedding for the world, but in the short amount of time that they had known each other, her and Trent had become a sort of brother and sister pairing. They would stay up late to talk about all their problems. She would talk about her family’s death and abusive past and he would confide in her about his depression and drug taking. Neither of them were the most stable of people so to have someone to talk to that could understand the shit that you were going through helped. The one time that she had refused to talk to him about something was when he brought up Eddie. He of course knew that they had been in a relationship and wanted Layla to talk it out so that she wouldn’t bottle up all her feelings, but she quickly shut him down and they vowed that they wouldn't talk about it until she was comfortable.

“Look, I’ve got to go for soundcheck but I just wanted to call to see how you’re doing.” He said quieter and she could hear the concern in his voice.

“I’m fine, honestly. Just excited about the day after tomorrow.”

“Well I am too.” He responded and Layla’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“Why?”

“Cause I have a date.” He stated and she started laughing, her cheeks hurting from the smile on her face.

“The Prince of Pain has finally taken his head out of his ass I see.” She joked and he scoffed down the phone.

“God, I’m not asking her to move in with me yet. Just dinner.”

“Well good luck, hope it goes well. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, I’ll call you before we leave New York.” They said their goodbyes and hung up. She turned back around to start up her task again, but saw that Eddie hadn’t moved from where he had been standing before, and he was staring at her intently.

“Problem?” she enquired, trying not to sound snarky.

“No, not at all. You just sounded excited to be talking to whoever you were talking to.” He said sheepishly.

“Yeah, well he’s a hoot.” Her sarcastic retort was meant to end the conversation but clearly he had other ideas.

“He?” She turned around to see him looking at her with a somewhat unreadable expression on her face.

“Yes, Trent.” She clarified, although she didn’t know why she felt the need to. It’s not like she owed him an answer.

“Oh, of course. Sure… You seem close.” He spoke slowly, as if trying to find the right words to continue on his little questioning he had going on. Layla huffed as she moved a chair out of her way to get to the next table.

“Well, he’s like family.”

“Oh.” Came what sounded like a relieved reply, which confused her.

“Oh?” She repeated, not knowing what his problem was.

“Yeah, I just thought you were together or something.” Eddie started to go back to arranging the tables, but this time Layla was the one who continued the conversation on.

“What does it matter if we were?” She asked accusingly but he wouldn’t look up from what he was doing now. She waited for him to reply and after he realised she wouldn’t stop looking at him until he did, he sighed exasperatedly.

“It doesn’t. I just thought it was a high possibility. I don’t care about it so can we please just get on with it.” He near pleaded, although she could hear frustration in his voice. It didn’t matter though as she processed his words, her mind jumping to every conclusion possible.

“What, do you think I’m not capable of holding down a job in this business without getting involved with people who could help my career out? Should have known your opinion of me hadn’t changed.” She huffed out and walked away from him, her blood now boiling. Before she could walk more than a few steps, a hand grabbed her by the arm and she spun around to face Eddie’s flustered and panicked face.

“That is not what I meant by that at all and you know it. And I’ve never had that opinion of you. Not now or ever.” Their eye contact was so intense that she had to look away, and she pulled her arm out of his grip quickly. She hadn’t been touched by him in over two years, and the contact had made her feel warm and dizzy, something she had no business feeling. But even after all this time she couldn’t help that he was so fucking handsome and had so much of a fucking effect on her and she hated it. And what she hated more was that every time she looked at his face she saw the Eddie she met at the record store, the Eddie who had made her feel human for the first time. She could barely even recognise him as the one who had made her feel so small to the point where she left him.

And not being able to see the Eddie who had hurt her was making her forget about the reasons they weren’t together in the first place.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or suggest anything like that. It’s just… It’s just seeing you after all this time has fucked me up a bit. Not that I wasn’t fucked up before.” He continued and Layla just stared at him while he opened up. They had acted like they barely shared a history in the weeks leading up to the wedding and now she knew they were going to have to confront it.

“When you left I was a mess. I could barely even stand to wake up in the morning. I hated the album we’d made, I hated the tour that we had to do. And I was drinking even more than I was before if you could believe it. And then I realised how fucking selfish I was. I thought that if I could do anything to make it up to you, then I owe you getting better. I stopped drinking. Stopped everything really. I know that doesn’t change anything and whatever you felt for me is long over, but I made sure that the next time I saw you, you would be proud of what I’d done for myself, for you.” His eyes were desperately flitting around the room as he tried to get through it, but she had no words to give back to him.

“And then Jeff and Ash got engaged and I knew this was gonna be it. And I was so nervous to see you again. But I felt dead inside the minute I saw you because you looked at me like I was nothing. And that hurts more than if you’d have looked at me with anger and disgust. You looked at me like I had meant nothing to you. And it made me feel like everything I’d done was for nothing. And I know I have no right to feel this way, but the thought of you with someone else makes me feel like I’m having my heart ripped out. Because the thought of you looking at someone the way you used to look at me fucking hurts. It makes me feel like we didn’t have anything at all.”

She had no idea what to say.

What do you say to that?

They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes, neither knowing how to address what had just been said.

“Thank God that’s sorted out. Do you two want to go grab some chinese with us, I’m starving?” Ash’s voice cut into the ballroom, the space so massive yet so stifling at the same time.

“No, I’m going to go home and sort some stuff out. I’ll see you guys later.” Eddie said, his whole demeanour the perfect picture of disappointment. He walked out before Layla could even get a good look at his face.

What was she supposed to tell him? Did he want her to say something back now? Or were they supposed to go back to pretend each other didn’t exist?

The wedding was going to be eventful.

*****

Finally managed to get a chapter done, and it seems tension is building between Layla and Eddie. How do you think the wedding is going to go down, any predictions? Hope you all have an amazing week ahead and sending all my love to everyone who’s still reading xx

#eddie vedder #Eddie Vedder Fanfic #eddievedderfanfiction #grunge #grunge fanfic #grunge fanfiction #Pearl Jam #pearl jam fanfic #pearl jam fanfiction #cradle broken glass #imagine #imagines #oneshot #fanfiction #fanfic #90s #nirvana #soundgarden #alice in chains

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taronunwin · 4 years

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Can you rate everything that Taron has been in from your most fave to least fave? And giving your reasonings why for each eating. I know this might be hard to do since all of his work has been exceptional. I’m asking just because I need more Taron content to watch!

OH GOODNESS. Anon, this is a bit cruel, like making me pick my favourite children. Except I have no children. And I do not like children. I digress. I’ll do my best.

I haven’t seen most of the voice projects Taron’s done so I’ll just list what I have seen and I’ll rank it by things I love/need to watch vs. things I’m okay with watching less often, sort of thing. This is mostly spoiler free but there are a few things that dance on the line. I’m sorry, but it’s really hard not to explain what I love without getting into that territory.

Deep breath. Here goes.

1: Rocketman

When I watched Rocketman for the first time, it was one of the last of Taron’s films I had yet to see because I was the least interested in it. I wasn’t an Elton fan, I don’t care for musicals usually, and I’m not really keen on movies set in the 60′s. So there were three strikes against it and I honestly expected just to start it, click through, and move on because Taron didn’t look hot (I thought then). But by the time he got to the ‘My name is Elton Hercules John’, I was invested. Wholeheartedly. Even when Taron wasn’t on screen, I cared deeply for the young Elton. I was rooting for him, grieving with him, and feeling his pain and triumphs. That movie is an experience unlike any other and by far the best movie I have ever seen in my life. The pure joy that radiates from it… it’s hard to explain.

2: Kingsman: The Secret Service

I’m not a Bond fan myself, I’m not really an action spy genre fan, so, again, I didn’t really think I was going to love this movie. But when Lee Unwin jumped on that grenade, I sat up in my seat a bit. That wasn’t the beginning I expected. And then when his son showed up later, stuck in a life that was so miserable and far from what he wanted, my heart broke. Eggsy had so much depth and went so far beyond just a ‘kid from the wrong side of the tracks’ kind of backstory. The details about him being in gymnastics and giving it up because his mum had married a good-for-nothing creep who influenced him more than he wanted to admit, being borderline brilliant and doing so well in school, only to give that up, too, because what was the freaking point in even trying when he was stuck in a world he wanted desperately out of. And then, when that opportunity presented itself and he was able to join the Marines, the first time in his life he really felt like he had some control and could follow in his dad’s footsteps, his mum wouldn’t allow it because she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. So Eggsy was utterly stuck. Until…

3: Robin Hood

Oh, Robin. I think we all have a very special soft spot for the first character we fell for in an actor’s filmography and Robin is it for me. I had seen Testament of Youth in early 2019 with my teary eye on Kit Harington but I loved Edward. However I had no idea that Robin was Edward when I started watching, I just like historical movies and thought Robin Hood looked interesting. When I started, I was pretty smitten by Rob right away but as the movie progressed and the story got more convoluted, I became less interested and actually turned it off. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Robin. So I started watching it again and boy did I fall hard. The movie itself? A stupid, fun, absolutely enjoyable ride. Robin? Well, that beautiful boy is the love of my life.

4: Billionaire Boys Club

I’ve seen a lot of negative things about this film, not just in regards to a certain cast members, but in general and frankly? I don’t get it. I know I’m probably watching it through rose-coloured glasses but honestly, I really, genuinely love this movie. I love Dean’s charisma and charm, how much he loved Joe and wanted the best for him—for both of them. I love Dean’s darkness and how his character gradually yet drastically changed over the course of the film; how he started as just a passionate, excited, enthusiastic young man and ended in such a different place, even willing to give up something and someone that meant so much to him because desperation drove him to do something he would have never imagined himself doing in the beginning. I loved watching the relationships fray and bonds dissolve and I especially loved watching Taron play Dean’s darkness so realistically, paying special attention to how he portrayed Dean’s growing drug addiction. Also? Dean is really hot. There’s no way of sugarcoating that.

5: Kingsman: The Golden Circle

I love Eggsy Unwin. I mean I love him. Like I-would-take-a-bullet-for-him kind of love. And though the charm of the first movie being his transformation from street kid to Kingsman isn’t really in this film, it’s still such a fun ride. My favourite parts are mostly the quieter moments, the little scenes where we see Eggsy, less as a Kingsman and more as himself. His struggles, his doubts, the times where he’s shaken and isn’t really sure of anything anymore. But what I love about Eggsy is how fiercely he gets back up every time. Doesn’t matter what is thrown at him, he will take it all and become stronger.

Also… “Let’s make this fair,” Eggsy says, tucking his right arm behind his back and effectively evening the playing field with his one-armed opponent before he engages in a to-the-death brawl with the man he trained with until snapping his neck with one. hand. still. tucked. behind. his. back.

6: Testament of Youth

I hate this movie so much. But I also love this movie so much. Edward is one of the sweetest angels there ever was and I adore him with every fiber of my body. And watching his story… well… it makes me more unhappy than I’ve ever been. Does that stop me from watching it? No. But it does limit the number of rewatches. It’s one of those movies that’s so perfect for a sad mood. Like when I need a good cry, oh my goodness, I need look no further. But looking beyond just the emotional nature of the movie, Taron’s performance is so so beautiful. Watching Edward’s boyish innocence peeling away to show the more hardened, deeply hurt and disillusioned young man as the war’s grip on him tightens? Honestly, it’s stunning.

7: The Last of the Haussmans

A play? Really? What’s that doing on this list? Well, let me tell you. Taron’s character, Daniel, affected me very deeply and I’m not even being silly. This list is already too long so I’ll spare the details but Daniel… he got me. He’s such a sweetheart, so genuine and pure and good and earnest and wonderful and the kiss scene, well, I don’t even know how many times I’ve watched it. The tenderness he displays, the sweet uncertainty and awkwardness yet visibly bolstering himself so he can do what he’s so unsure about… oh, Daniel. For it being one of his first public roles, I am consistently amazed by how good Taron is. Daniel’s awkwardness does not feel like Taron’s discomfort. Daniel is entirely his own person with his own story and struggles and watching his story unfold is a really lovely thing.

8: Eddie the Eagle

This sweet, fun, encouraging, uplifting, charming movie, oh, how I love it. Though I have to be honest, it isn’t one of those movies I just need to watch like every month or two. I love enjoying it with other people and seeing their reactions but it’s not one that I crave at any given time. Even still, Eddie is a pure sweetheart and I love him and his heart-filled, passion-fueled, wonderful story.

9: The Smoke

I’m actually kinda surprised where this landed on the list, but let me explain. Dennis Severs is so much like Eggsy in terms of being a very layered, three-dimensional, incredibly deep and fascinating character. I love him. Nay, I adore him. I loved watching his ups and downs, his gut-wrenching revelations and triumphant success as he strove hard to free himself of the bondage of his past. But the show itself? It’s, same as Eddie, not something I feel drawn to watch at any given time. It’s intense, very intense, and asides from Dennis’ story, I didn’t really connect with any character, other than Kev. So in terms of watchability and enjoyment of the project overall, this ranks lower, but in terms of Dennis and his importance to me? Well, he ranks much higher ❤

10: Legend

So the first time I checked out this movie, I skipped through, searching for Taron. Next time, I skipped through again. Then I bought the movie and actually watched it, and I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Ignoring the obviously impressive feat that was Tom Hardy playing both main characters, I loved the relationship between Reggie and Frances and found myself caring quite a lot for them. I don’t know that I’ll ever watch it in full again but I do skip through every so often for Teddy and thoroughly that little psycho.

11: Sing

I’ve mentioned that I don’t really watch much of Taron’s voice work because I find it annoying to hear him but not be able to see him. That’s my ultimate problem with Sing. While a very enjoyable movie and one I’ve watched a few times all the way through, I don’t necessary care enough about the other characters to want to watch it from start to finish. I’m happy just skipping through for Johnny’s story, but there’s always that nagging feeling of knowing Taron is back there somewhere, looking breathtaking, and I can’t see him. And for that, I must place this sweet movie at the bottom of this list.

This honestly took hours for me to write and perfect but I think I’m good with it now. Phew!

I’m so sorry, anon, I’m absolutely certain you were looking for like two sentences to explain what I liked or didn’t like about each of these but instead you got a mini review. Whoops.

#Anonymous #Tracy's thoughts #Ask #Taron Egerton #If I got paid by the word...#No one signed up for this and I'm sorry #Believe it or not I tried to be brief

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leafyfiddle13 · 5 years

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RvB Season 17 Review

Red vs Blue: Singularity has ended, and with it, so has the arc that started with Season 15. So, what did I think? This is my first formal review, so forgive me if it's a little sloppy.

I'm going to look at this season from multiple angles:

How did it look and sound?

How did it treat its heroes?

How did it treat its villains?

How good was its story?

How well did it conclude the Shisno Paradox arc?

Sound and Visuals

First off, this season has a great soundtrack. Aside from the synth rhythms that have been a staple of this arc continuong to be really fun, the new songs by Trocadero are really amazing. Seriously, if you haven't heard Enemy and Blood Gulch Blue, go listen to them right now.

SFX are still good, not much to talk about there. The portally noises and Huggins zooming and such still sounds cool.

I want to take some time to talk about the visuals though. One thing that this arc has done particularly well (S16 and S17 especially), is aesthetic. The cosmic elements here are really unique to the series, and I love the look. From the majestic, mythological armor choices of the Cosmic Powers (Labyrinth this season in particular looks like a Spartan Cyclops and it's great), to the structures, like Chrovos' Prison, Starseeds, the Labyrinth, I just love their aesthetic. The black holes in the Labyrinth look truly terrifying, and the "big bang pre-bang" we see in episodes 6, 7, and 12 is also just breathtaking.

In terms of animation, I love this season. We didn't get a whole ton, but what we got was amazing. The highlights to me were Wash pulling a gun on Genkins, Genkins getting impaled (ANIMATION IN CE YEEEEET) Carolina v Carolina, and The very short Genkins v Labyrinth. I especially love the latter because of how Genkins' holographic body glithces and reverts to his true form a bit every time he gets hit. It just looks great. I also think the Carolina fight was the best fight scene in terms of choreography this entire arc! I think Donut vs O'Malley still wins in terms of sheer spectacle, but tjis fight was really well done. Kudos to the animation team!

Heroes

Singularity took a huge risk by making Donut, who up until this point was little more than a running gag, into its protagonist. And it worked amazingly! In just 12 short episodes, Jason took the development he and Joe started in S16 and brought Donut into the limelight as a fully fleshed out, three dimensional character. And it felt totally believeable! Dan Godwin did amd amazing job this year as Donut, and this season really gave him a chance to show off his talents.

The next most major character is Washington. Wash has been my favorite charavter since I first met him in Recovery One all those years ago. I loved his arc last season, and this arc really did well by him. Having this season to be like the fandom's goodbye to the badass, tough-as-nails Wash we know and allowing us to ease ourselves into the idea that he's going to need some help from now on was really great. And I love how he and Carolina had their reconciliation, it was all beautifully done. Hats off to Shannon and Jen, they did and incredible job this season.

As for the other Reds and Blues, they didn't get a whole lot to do, but most of them at least had a few good moments:

Caboose talking about grief and beating up Genkins/Church was an unexpectedly powerful scene.

Tucker's scene in episode 9 where he had his revelation about leadership was also awesome. I'm one of those people who wasn't the greatest fan of how his character was treated in season 16, and I think this scene not only "fixes" that, but it also turned it into a cool part of his arc.

Sarge's whole labyrinth experience was a really cool moment for his character and the arc he's sort of had in the backround the last few seasons (I wrote more about it in another post)

Grif had some great moments. After being the main man in S16, he's taking more of a backseat, but his development is still very much intact. He's fully onboard with the plan once he's woken up. His conversation with Huggins was great (although it does suck they never met again to have resolution), his talk with Kai in the finale was really emotional, and getting the Grif sibs backstory was a welcome touch. Geoff and Becca really nailed it in that episode.

Lopez and Simmons really had nothing to do this season, unfortunately, but oh well, and least Lopez is literally older than time now lol

Villains

So in Singularity, we start out with Chrovos as our main villain, with Genkins as their lackey. I must admit, while Lee Eddy gave a fun performance as Chrovos, I still prefer Ray Schilens' take on the character. Chrovos was not my favorite villain, but they were serviceable enough for the first half of the season, and they had some fun monologues.

Genkins, however, really surprised me. When he was revealed to be evil last season, I was kinda ambivalent. I didn't really care about him, and he seemed just a tad too ridiculous. This season, especially in the back half, really changed my mind. Jason leaned into the ridiculousness of Genkins and made him full on maniacally insane. And I loved it. His insane twitches and cackles were a delight to watch and hear. I loved it when he betrayed Chrovos, because he was the more present and charismatic threat anyway, and it was exactly the kind of thing the "god of tricks" would do. Ricco Fajardo did an amazing job, one of the best performances of the season.

Story

In terms of story, I think Singularity is a vast improvement of The Shisno Paradox. That season started strong, then felt like it treaded water for 10 episodes, then quickly rushed to a finish. Singularity, on the other hand, moves very quickly. A bit too quickly in some cases. The first half of the season is extremely tight. The very first episode sets up the plot, with the introduction of the Everwhen, and Chrovos explaining time travel. I loved this explanation, and wrote a whole post about it here. Suffice it to say, time travel really confused me in S16, but S17 made it make sense in my mind. Donut find Wash, Wash visiting the Freelancers, and the two of them waking the Reds and Blues, all felt natural and felt like no time was wasted without feeling rushed.

Episodes 7 and 8, 7 especially, however, start to get a bit dull. The majority of both episodes is just spent explaining time travel again to the reds and blues. Not much happens. Which is a real shame, because SO MUCH happens in the last three episodes that it feels like it could have benefitted from adding in another episode to more fully flesh out the Labyrinth and the ending.

However, I do love the ending. Everyone's Labyrinth scenarios (except Simmons', which was really lame) were really good and offered neat insight into their characters. And the final twist with Genkins becoming Chrovos after going back to the beginning of time was incredible. Over all, I really like the story this season.

As an arc ending

I think Singularity did a great job. The Shisno Paradox ended on quite a crazy cliffhanger, with so many loose story threads and gods and such high stakes that it felt impossible to wrap up in just one more season, let alone a 12-episode season. But Singularity took all of that and made it work by bringing it to a smaller, more personal level. Tons of gods? Singularity just focuses one two, Genkins and Chrovos. Time travel through all of time? Singularity just focuses on the timeline of the show. It all makes the sotry feel more personal amd grounded, even with all these cosmic events happening. Amd I think it wrapped up the story that started in S15 and ramped up in S16 extremely well!

Final Thoughts

Over all, I think that Season 17 is my favorite season since Season 13 (my personal favorite). It was a really strong season, and I can't wait to see what happens next. I do hope Jason Weight stays on to write, as he has done an incredible job this season and the episodes he worled on last season.

I give Red vs Blue: Singularity an 8.75/10!

#rvb #rvb 17 #rvb singularity #rvb 17 spoilers #rvb spoilers

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nefertiti22002blog · 6 years

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Fanfiction writer asks

@criminal-minds-fanfiction sent out an epic set of 50 questions under this title. (Thank you!) It took awhile, but these were excellent questions, and I enjoyed answering them. (I just reblogged them without answers, in case any of you want to have a go.)

I don’t expect many will want to read all 50 answers, but people who have recently started following me might be interested in the fics I write in the Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell fandom (and even those I used to write in the Lord of the Rings fandom).

Fanfiction Writer Asks

Most of the writer ask posts I come across are only like ten or so questions long so I thought I’d try to make a longer one because we like talking about our writing! Feel free to reblog!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

52, still going at 68

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

Started out in The Lord of the Rings, writing Gandalf slash. (My fics are available on my old website, “Meddling in the Affairs of Wizards.” Haven’t had time to add them to AO3 yet.) After a seven-year pause, got started again by the Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell tv series, after having been a fan of the book for seven years. (Those fics are all on AO3.)

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I have written OCs, but only if they fit into canon, which I try to stick to as much as possible in most cases. (I had to look up “reader inserts.” Never done one.)

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

Given my two fandoms, it must be fantasy.

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

I suppose it would be “From the Ashes a Fire,” a Gandalf/Aragorn romance. I tried to pair Gandalf with as many different guys from the novel as possible, but Aragorn always seemed to most logical lover for the wizard. I think most of my fics up to that point had been practice for that one.

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

“Service at the Prancing Pony,” which pairs Gandalf and Bob. (Yes, there is a Bob in LOTR.) It was only my second fic, and it’s pretty trivial.

7) When is your preferred time to write?

Evening.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

The challenge of figuring out a fic with explicit content (usually) and keep it true to the original source novel.

9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

“Thrice Returned” is a multi-chapter novel pairing Gandalf and Frodo. My favorite scene is when Frodo wakes up in Ithilien after the Ring is destroyed and discovers that Gandalf is alive. I always felt that Tolkien should have shown that scene, but he skips over it. Of course, my version is more romantic, which is partly why I like it.

10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?

I don’t recall ever having an alternative ending for a fic in mind. My funniest ending, I think, is in “Mr Norrell’s Breeches.” I had no idea how I was going to end it, and inspiration struck just as I got to the ending. (Usually I know how the story will end, sometimes down to the last exchange of dialogue.)

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Yes. In Chapter 8 of “Two Masters in the Darkness” Norrell and Strange summon the new King of Lost-hope (to call it by its old name). I referred to the King as King Stephen, but as one reader pointed out, he wasn’t using that name after the death of the gentleman with the thistle-down hair. I amended the story to be more consistent with that premise.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

It was Gandalf for six years, until I ran out of inspiration. (I just COULD NOT find a way to pair him with Sam.) Since I started writing JS&MN, it has been Mr Norrell. Although I write book-canon, I imagine my Mr Norrell as he is played by Eddie Marsan, who brings such warmth and empathy (and cuteness!) to the role, despite the fact that the screenwriter made him such an inconsistent character. (If he can do the fantastic York Minster magic, why can he not do sea beacons? And so on and on.)

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

Generally I don’t write for characters I don’t enjoy. Lady Pole was the hardest; I only did her once.

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories.

Often I do variations on quotations from the book. My favorite title of my own is “One Spell not to discover what My Friend Is doing Presently,” where Mr Strange speaks harshly to Mr Norrell, who casts a spell to make them invisible to each other. I loved writing the farce that resulted.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

I generally do a search for Regency-era names, as with the Misses Whitworth and Bastable in “Mr Norrell, ladies’ man.”

16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

Often I rely on prompts, but I came up with the idea for “Stark Staring” on my own. It started with a simple premise, that Mr Norrell would get a little tipsy and cast a spell that would allow him (but no one else) to see Mr Strange unclothed. I thought it a pretty feeble idea, but it worked out very well.

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

From a fic with the premise that Mr Norrell is (of course) secretly in love with Mr Strange and highly distracted by his pupil’s habit of pursing his lips when he is concentrating on his work. He inadvertently lets slip some indications of his desire when the two are close together looking for a book in the library: “Mr Strange had not failed to notice the man’s gaze directed at his mouth and the faint whimper and the subsequent slight confusion and the heavy breathing and the mere pretense of examining the books when instead Mr Norrell was staring into space and blushing furiously.”

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Nothing that I carried on beyond a few paragraphs. Just couldn’t find the inspiration to go on.

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I would love to continue my “Jonathan Strange ♥ Mr Norrell” series by taking the two magicians on one of the adventures that are only hinted at at the very end of the novel. I’ve gone so far as to set them up as planning to go to Egypt, but I have not had the time to do the necessary research to figure out a plausible evil spell for them to save someone from. Maybe someday, but I doubt it.

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

No.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

I am very fond of the JS&MN fics by Predatrix. She also writes Norrell, pairing him with Childermass most often but also with Strange. She sticks less to book-canon than I do, but she has a great imagination when it comes to thinking up magic for the characters to do. I have not got that talent and usually derive the magic, when necessary, from Clarke’s book.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Not really.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Either way. As long as I’m not listening to vocal music with English lyrics, I don’t get distracted.

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Love ‘em, though I have written so many by now, and for the same characters, that I kind of dread them.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Yes. At the parting (inevitable) of Gandalf and Aragorn at the end of “From the Ashes a Fire” and at the letter Childermass writes to Norrell in Chapter 9, the end of “Two Masters in the Darkness,” after he has been separated from Norrel by the Darkness. Even though my main pairing if Norrell/Strange, I loved writing the relationship between Childermass and Norrell in “Master and Man” and its consequences in “Two Master in the Darkness.”

26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?

I did an AU version of “Thrice Returned” (the Gandalf/Frodo epic) where instead of being killed by the Balrog, Gandalf survived and went with Frodo and Sam (and Gollum) to Mordor. Figuring out what effects that would have on the rest of the book’s plot was a killer, but I struggled through it and came up with something that someone manages to be sort of book-canon and yet AU at the same time.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

Sometimes I do an outline for the multi-chapter fics. Not for the one-offs. In doing “Jonathan Strange ♥ Mr Norrell,” I had to do an elaborate chart with a chronology of all the things that happened to the two in the Darkness, since I wanted it to be absolute book-canon despite involving events in the final chapter that Clarke barely hints at. The chronology (when was Norrell born? 1765 in my head-canon) is the hardest part, since Clarke is so clear about hers.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

More of the conventions. I just saw a prompt on Library of Moria requesting a Gandalf/Pippin fic, as if it would be something hard! I saw how to do it right away and just launched in.

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I think “The Toasts of Venice,” a sequel to “Jonathan Strange ♥ Mr Norrell” that takes the two magicians to Venice immediately after the last scene in the book, is pretty darn good, but for some reason it got far fewer hits (averaging by chapter) than the original. It has an amusing scene of Strange trying to get Norrell to be a bit less shy about going out of Hurtfew by taking him to a sweets shop.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

I’m rather surprised that “A Book with a Strange Spell upon It” gets more hits than most of my other one-offs, some of which I think are better. But it’s a good story, so the disparity if not odd enough to make me roll my eyes, even a little.

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)

Having plugged Predatrix’s work already, I’ll say “The Perils of Being a Virgin in Faerie (Together with a Solution Thereto)” by Nothingshire. An excellent premise—that Mr Norrell’s virginity makes him an attractive kidnapping target for Fairies—with delightful humor and genuine affection between the two magicians.

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Not apart from the ones in JS&MN that Clarke based on real people.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

So hard to pick, but I really appreciated one I got for my series “Jonathan Stolen & Mr Norrell.” The premise is that after a few years in the Darkness, Jonathan attracts the attention of a beautiful lady fairy who kidnaps him, and Mr Norrell has to get up the courage to rescue him. I was a bit trepidatious about writing a Fairy character, especially given my lack of imagination when it comes to writing magic. But I gave it a try, and one reader made me confident that I had succeeded: “I love Lady Turn-of-Tide! You've pinned down the character of Clarke's fairies exactly: capricious, self-centred, vain, generous and cruel all at once, and utterly incapable of seeing humans as anything but cute playthings. As Strange says, she's a good sort (for a fairy), but I know I wouldn't want to meet her! She was a lot of fun to read about, though.” Yay!

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

There was a troll on tumblr who was lambasting those of us who write really explicit stuff about JS&MN characters. She or he was denouncing a group of us (specifically by our pseudonyms) for ruining Mr Norrell and the others. As if anyone was forcing her/him to read the stuff! Fortunately the fandom sprang to our defense, and I actually got more hits than usual on my latest Norrell fic, “Stark Staring.”

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I’ve run some stories past Predatrix and even collaborated with her, and I’ve done that with past betas.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

I only have one, which I quoted above. It is based on a prompt that requests that Norrell be the top in the sex scene, for a change. That goes against my head-canon, but I shall do my best.

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

Hard to choose, but I guess I would say “The Epic Battle over Mr Norrell,” where Childermass and Lascelles both want Norrell sexually, for different reasons, and they decide to have a contest demonstrating their various skills for a delighted but increasingly frustrated Mr Norrell (since of course they have to start over at each stage of the contest without him coming). Guess who wins!

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

I’ve collaborated with Predatrix, but the sort of stuff we write requires very similar tastes, and I doubt I would find anyone else.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

Definitely third, though I have done some first person in letters within the fics.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

Only people online.

41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?

I don’t know whether he counts as minor, but I have built up Mr Norrell’s servant Lucas into a fairly major figure in my “Jonathan Strange ♥ Mr Norrell” fics. He agrees to return to Hurtfew, even in the Darkness (as do some other servants), and he works his way up to essentially replacing Childermass as Norrell and Strange’s Man of Business. I quite like him as a character.

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.

I’ve never done one.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

Not that I know of.

44) What is the last line you wrote?

I added this to the WIP quoted above, in 17: “The exchange of Jeremy’s Tott’s little monograph, ENGLISH MAGIC, for its mirror had been a thrilling revelation that there was a second genuine practical magician in England.”

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Like Tolkien, I write what I would like to read. I am a professional writer and love dealing with the English language. It’s fun, and I love reading the results.

46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

See number 19.

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?

I fear I cannot come up with a title before starting to write the fic.

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

Basically my Norrell/Strange fics are based around the idea that Norrell, who in the book is so boring and dry and selfish, becomes a different person when he’s with Strange. More lively, talkative, and even passionate. That makes writing about these two when they’re finally reunited in the Darkness is such fun. Norrell is transformed into a fascinating character.

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

It was called “No Windows,” and it was a LOTR AU in which Gandalf seizes the Ring because he loves Frodo and wants to spare him the agony of carrying the Ring—and naturally he’s corrupted by it. It was a terrific story, but unfortunately the author apparently withdrew from the fandom and deleted the fic. I was lucky to have started with such an excellent fic, since it made me go on and read more and then start writing.

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

I would say smut, since virtually all of what I’ve written has included very explicit scenes. But I’ve also enjoyed working out the other scenes and making them book-canon. I think I would choose fluff if I could only do one, since I enjoy writing comedy and farce.

#Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell The Lord of the Rings fanfiction asks

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redditnosleep · 7 years

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Man Up

by Pippinacious

When the bookstore at the mall put up its help wanted posters, I jumped at the chance to put in my application. Between being an avid reader who had practically lived amongst the store’s shelves in high school and a broke community college student taking a semester off to save money, it seemed still customer service.

I got used to people coming in and asking for “That popular book, the one made into a movie” and the edgy teens who moved the Bible from the religion section to fiction. Finding half eaten pastries from our cafe hidden in all sorts of creative places that weren't the conveniently placed garbage cans was an everyday activity and gently reminding parents that we weren't babysitters was a frequent thing.

It was far from all bad, though.

A lot of our customers were quiet and pleasant, it was clean (for the most part), management was nice, my co-workers friendly, and I got a tidy little discount on my own purchases. After a few months of employment, I even had some regulars that I was on a first name basis with.

One of them was Eddie.

He was a polite kid, a few years younger than me, maybe sixteen, and he loved fantasy. It wasn't unusual to go down to that section and find a tall, lanky guy all in black kneeling in the middle of the aisle with a book opened in front of him. The first few times I came across him, he'd look up with this guilty expression, like I'd found him doing something wrong, and quickly put the book he'd been reading away and get up to leave.

He was always alone and often had headphones on; I imagined they were blaring one of the bands whose t-shirts he frequently wore, Iron Maiden or Metallica or something hard and heavy like that. At first, he struck me as the intentional outsider type, rebelling against The Man, an embittered youth who thought of himself as a lone wolf who didn't need anyone else.

When I finally spoke to him, though, I found that I'd been very wrong.

I found him in his usual spot one afternoon and, as usual, he started to pack up the minute I came around the corner. Instead of just letting him go, I decided to try reaching out with a smile and pointed to the book he was putting back.

“R.A. Salvatore’s a good author, huh?” I asked while I reorganized the shelf next to him.

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and answered with a tight lipped nod.

“I was a big fan of Drizzt when I was in high school,” I said.

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed. “I like Wulfgar.”

“He's pretty cool, too.”

We chatted for a bit longer about the series and I was surprised by how he lit up; he had such enthusiasm for the books that it almost made me want to go out and re-read them. We traded names before Eddie had to go and I went back to work, amused at how wrong I'd been about him. Instead of being the angry, closed off guy I'd expected, he was a huge, but shy, geek.

Whenever I saw Eddie after that first conversation, we'd exchange pleasantries and talk about the new releases that had just come in. I wasn't the fantasy buff that I'd once been so sometimes it could be hard to keep up, but Eddie just seemed to like having someone to talk to and he kept me company while I stocked and straightened shelves.

I didn't comment on the fact that he was in almost every afternoon and often stayed until it was just about closing time. I figured he wasn't causing trouble so it wasn't my business.

One afternoon, after I'd just finished helping a nice older lady find her way to the recently popular 50 Shades, my co-worker, Janelle, came up to me.

“Hey, Danielle, you know that kid who follows you around? The goth one?” She asked, like I had more than one.

“Eddie.”

“I guess. He's, like...over in the back corner crying. It's weirding people out. Could you talk to him and get him to leave?”

I told her I'd check on him and hurried to find Eddie, who was sitting against the wall in the farthest corner of the store between the cooking and self-help aisles. When he saw me, he quickly wiped his eyes and sat up a bit.

“Hey,” I said softly. “You ok?”

He shrugged and clenched his jaw to keep any more tears from escaping. I noticed that his hair and clothes looked damp.

“What happened?”

“Just dickheads,” he mumbled.

“Where? Here?”

“School.”

I frowned and crouched down. “Are people bullying you, Eddie?”

He let out a short laugh, sad and cynical. “It's nothing. They were just having fun, right? It was just water balloons.”

“Do you want me to call someone? Your parents or-”

“No,” he said quickly, getting to his feet. “I'm leaving.”

“Wait, if you need to talk-”

“I just need to man up, right? Bye, Danielle.”

He walked away with his hands shoved in his pockets and his shoulders hunched and my heart broke a little for him. I shouldn't have been surprised he was bullied, but I'd gotten so used to him that his dark appearance didn't even phase me anymore. I doubted the other high schoolers were quite so blind to it.

Eddie stayed on my mind well after I'd finished working. From the defeat in his voice and the way he'd dismissed my concern, I knew this was far from the first brush he'd had with these bullies and that nothing had been done about them. I didn't know if he'd tried to tell anyone and I doubted such a sweet kid would fight back, but I hoped he'd find a way to make them leave him alone. He deserved better.

My dreams that night were filled with screaming. With gunfire. With an image of Eddie in his black clothes, blood upon his hands.

I woke with a start. Sweat trickled down my forehead in chilly little beads and uneasiness slithered in my stomach and it took me a few long moments to tell myself it had just been a dream. A very vivid dream that had left the smell of iron in my nose. I shook it away and flopped over, determined to forget it and get back to sleep.

The water balloon incident seemed to be a turning point for Eddie, and not a good one. He'd started avoiding me, but I still saw him around the store, reading and minding his business as he always had, except now I couldn't help but notice that he sometimes had tears in his clothes or that his belongings looked wet and abused. He trudged about like someone carrying a too-heavy load.

And every night, the same dream. Gunfire in the distance, somewhere in the mall. Screaming. Panicked footsteps stampeding towards exits. Eddie in the entrance to the bookstore with red hands and splatter across his face.

It was hard to tell myself that something I saw so clearly wasn't real and it was even harder not to watch Eddie with a new, heightened sense of caution. Whenever I caught sight of him, I'd find myself unconsciously searching him for the blood that marked him in my dreams.

The only blood I saw was his own, when he came in at his usual time one afternoon with a black eye and one of his nostrils coated in crusty, dried red. He disappeared into the bathroom to clean up, I assumed, and, when he came out, I was waiting.

“Who did that?” I asked sternly and he looked surprised to see me.

“Nobody,” he grumbled, turning away.

“Eddie, if someone is hurting you, you should tell someone.”

“Why? I know what I need to do.”

“What?”

“Man up,” he snorted to try and hide that his voice had cracked just slightly.

He'd said that once before, I remembered. “You need to get help, talk to someone.”

“Only pussies tattle.”

It was obvious he was repeating someone and I felt such a rush of anger towards them for putting that bull in his head. I followed him down the aisles to the fantasy section, where he pointedly tried to ignore me, but I was persistent.

“Eddie, come on. You can talk to me!”

After minutes of not responding, he finally sighed and looked at me. There was anger in his face, sharp and deep, but it was clouded heavily by the sadness I saw there, too.

“It doesn't matter. I just have to get through two more years and then I'm out.”

“But you shouldn't have to put up with this!”

Tears had welled in his eyes and he shrugged. “Nobody cares.”

“I'm sure that's not true; I do. We're friends.”

The phone in his pocket went off loudly and he scrambled to grab it. Before he'd had a chance to get it out, the call dropped and a man I'd not seen before came around the end of the aisle with a scowl.

“I should have known you'd be here looking at this bullshit. I've been waiting in the car,” he said.

“Excuse me?” I started to say at the same time Eddie said, ‘Sorry, Dad.”

Eddie’s dad took a step towards us without so much as a glance towards me. “Are you crying, Edward?”

“No!” Eddie said.

“God, when are you going to man the fuck up, huh? No wonder you get your ass kicked,” he shook his head in obvious disgust. “Get moving, Mom’s got dinner waiting.”

I was in too much shock to say anything as Eddie, head hung low, followed his father out of the store. I wished immediately that I'd said or done something, that I'd stuck up for poor Eddie, but I'd just stood there, gaping like an idiot, and then they were gone.

That night, I had the same dream again. Gunfire, screaming, running, panic, and Eddie. Bloody hands, blood splattered face, coming towards the store. All I could do was watch him get closer, until he was reaching for the handle so that he could pull it open and come inside. His dad’s rough voice, so withering and filled with contempt, rose around us.

“Man the fuck up!”

I shot upright in bed, grasping at my pounding chest and trying to calm my breathing.

“Eddie wouldn't hurt anyone,” I whispered, “he's a good kid.”

I wondered how many people thought the same thing about others right before they lashed out.

Usually by morning I'd managed to shake off most of the unpleasantness of the dream, but that day, it stayed with me, following me like some kind of terrible spectre. I'd never been one to put much stock into dreams, but I'd also never had one that had been so real or that recurred every night.

I went into work for my evening shift feeling shaky, but silly. I just had to get through six hours and then I'd realize how dumb I was being.

It was six o’clock, three hours into my shift when I heard the first loud pop from off in the distance. The screams that followed were exactly the same as they'd been in my dream. The store had gone very still all of the sudden, and all eyes had turned towards the glass front doors that led into the mall.

“Was that a-” someone started to ask, but another series of shots rang out. It was all the answer they needed.

Chaos erupted. People were diving between book shelves, overturning chairs to duck behind, a few even clamored behind the counter with me and a couple coworkers. There was screaming and crying, the occasional plea for others to be quiet, but nothing seemed so loud as the gunshots echoing throughout.

It was all too familiar.

Automatically, without thinking, I turned towards the doors.

There he was, dressed all in black, coming towards us, reaching for the handles with his red hand. There were drops of blood splashed across his face and one trickled down his cheek like a dark tear.

He stood in the doorway for a moment and our eyes met.

“Help me,” Eddie said.

I blinked stupidly.

“Danielle! Please!” He turned and waved a hand behind him, “This way, come on, we'll hide in here! Hurry!”

A man half-carrying a woman came into view behind Eddie. Eddie held the door open with his foot and slipped one of the his arms around the woman's waist. He pressed his other hand, already wet and red, over a bloody wound in her stomach. Together, he and the man dragged the woman into the store.

“There's another out there. I saw him,” Eddie said as he passed the desk. “Can you hold the door, Danielle? I'm going to get him.”

I stammered at him, too terrified to form words.

“When you see me coming back, get the door. Please.”

I saw the same fear in him that I was feeling as he ran back out of the store and into the mall, where the gunfire continued.

I crouched behind the counter, barely able to breathe, shaking, half afraid that I wouldn't be able to move when he came back, if he came back, but I stared at those doors and I waited like a rabbit waits for the wolf to pass. So still, but every inch of me burning with a tense electricity that screamed, “Run!”

Amidst the rush of people desperately trying to escape, a tall, lanky boy dressed all in black dragged a wounded elderly man away from the madness back into the book store.

I made sure I was there to open the door for them.

He would go out twice more when he saw others staggering towards us, in dire need of assistance.

When it sounded like the shooter was getting closer, we huddled together in the fantasy section with a few others and we listened to the rapid POP POP POP coming from just outside our doors.

We got lucky, though. The gunman never made it into the bookstore. With police starting to pour in, he turned his pistol on himself and put a bullet into his brain.

The all clear was given moments later.

I had to help Eddie to his feet; he was trembling and sobbing and staring down at his blood stained hands. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, the reality of what we'd been through, what he'd risked, were sinking in.

“I'm sorry,” he kept saying, trying unsuccessfully to stem his tears in shame. “I need to man up. I'm sorry.”

I wanted to tell him that that was stupid. That crying and being afraid didn't make him less of a man. That “manning up” was a stupid, bullshit concept and his dad and his bullies were stupid, bullshit people for making him feel bad for being different, for feeling. I wanted to tell him that he was a hero.

And I would, eventually, but in that moment, all I could do was hug him.

#creepy #horror story #premonition #mass shooting #author: Pippinacious

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bomberlandia · 4 years

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Part I: Ranking Every Bomber Since 2015

Welcome to Bomberlandia’s first ever look at every Essendon player that pulled on a jumper since 2015, featuring historian and lifelong Bombers diehard Dr. Dan Eddy. As far as I can tell, there’s never been an undertaking where someone has ranked every Essendon player for a period of time. In 2002 Simon Matthews wrote a book and ranked the 60 greatest Bombers players of all-time. I’m sure there have been other variations of that. But those books don’t include every player for a period of time. And some of those books need to be revised or revisited.

This is what got me curious about looking at the last five years of Essendon players and who sits where and who has made an impact. Also, apart from being something to read during the postseason I think these rankings will help explain Essendon’s story from 2015 until now by taking stock of who’s come and gone, who’s been able to stay the journey and which players failed to deliver.

I could never do these kind of rankings on my own. It’s an unreasonable task. For this I enlisted the help of prolific book writer Dan Eddy, someone who has analyzed Essendon through an historic lens and someone who really knows his AFL stuff.

The hope with this first initial crack is that it becomes an annual postseason tradition, where rookies and current players can improve their ranking or if things don’t work out, they can potentially fall. These rankings come at a time where the Bombers haven’t had a lot of success. But there’s a lot of players that have had opportunities to prove themselves since 2015. We’re now starting to see some of the kids step up like Andrew McGrath, Jordan Ridley, Kyle Langford, Darcy Parish, Sam Draper, Brandon Zerk-Thatcher, Irving Mosquito. These developments have been intriguing to observe.

Quite often with rankings they can get bogged down in statistics, and sometimes that’s the only way to separate one player from the next, but numbers sometimes don’t tell the whole story of what a player means to a football team. What we’re looking for are things like longevity and service to the team, elite skills, and sure, accolades. But we’re coating all of that with gut feels. And to be frank, this list is not perfect or definitive but it’s a start and most of all it will be fun to digest. We acknowledge there’s certainly some players too high and too low but we’re ok with that.

Here’s Part I of Ranking Every Essendon Player Since 2015.

Players ranked from 85 to 39

85. Nathan Grima 84. Tom Jok 83. Jonathan Giles 82. Jonathan Simpkin

JR: This quartet feels like the right way to kick off this list at the back end. Giles, Simpkin and Grima were top-ups for the 2016 season. Jok is the most interesting “what could have been” talent. Bombers picked him with their first pick in 2018 and called him an “exciting and raw prospect.” He played one game and was then delisted. What happened to Jok? I wish I had an answer.

DE: I realise Grima was taken at a time when we were desperate for players, but we should never have picked him up. Ranks with our worst ever selections, in my view.

81. Ned Cahill 80. Mitch Hibberd

JR: It’s early days for Ned but he shows promise. He could evolve and become a household name. Mitch Hibberd, with limited opportunity, looks more at home as a solid VFL contributor (saying that based on very small looks).

DE: I agree on both fronts. Wait and see with Ned. As for Mitch, nothing wrong with his size but not sure he will be capable of holding down a senior spot over the long-term.

79. Sam Michael 78. Alex Browne 77. Tom Cutler 76. Sam Grimley 75. James Polkinghorne 74. Andrew Phillips 73. James Gwilt

JR: Browne was one of the banned supplement saga players who only managed 11 games in five years and was entering his prime in 2015. Browne injured his ACL in the 2014 pre-season and never fully got back into the mix. Probably had the most promise and potential in this section of players.

DE: I had high hopes for Cutler when we recruited him from Brisbane, as I felt his size could be of advantage to our list. But his first season was a disappointment. Hopefully in year two he can have more impact. Gwilt was another, like Grima, who we should never have recruited.

72. Jake Long 71. Kobe Mutch 70. Brandon Zerk-Thatcher

JR: Long and Mutch failed to take the next step but BZT had a season of growth and should progress to be a Top 40 player.

DE: Tough gig for Jake Long, trying to emerge from his famous father Michael’s long shadow (pun intended). I’m glad he got to wear red and black, though, even if his time at the club was brief. If BZT keeps improving his fitness and builds on his strength, will be interesting to see how far he can go.

69. Jason Ashby 68. Ariel Steinberg 67. Elliott Kavanagh 66. Josh Begley 65. Mark Jamar 64. Brayden Ham 63. Nick O’Brien 62. Ben McNeice 61. Craig Bird 60. Tayte Pears

JR: I really thought Josh “Fridge” Begley was going to be something at Essendon. I watched a pre-season game against the Suns in his rookie year and he was clobbering blokes, laying tackles and kicking goals. He kicked the sealer against the Crows during a comeback win at Etihad in Round One that same year. His departure was perhaps more about list balance or not developing as quickly as the Bombers hoped. Tayte Pears was a very solid player. Unfortunately he was decimated by injuries which prevented his development. He could never get to that next level he needed to be at to cement his spot in the team. Ultimately his ailments curbed his progression

DE: Lots of players here who had impacts, but unfortunately were unable to sustain levels of consistency. I liked Pears, so was disappointed that injury cruelled him as he was entering his prime. Wasn't quick, but gave his all. I agree with your summation of Begley. When I first saw him, I was super excited about the possibilities. But, for whatever reason, didn't come on as hoped.

59. Mathew Stokes 58. Shaun Edwards 57. Nick Kommer 56. Irving Mosquito 55. Matt Leunberger 54. Will Hams 53. Jacob Townsend 52. Ryan Crowley 51. Jackson Merrett 50. Michael Hartley

JR: Like Chapman, the Cats got the best out of Mathew Stokes. In 2016 he came in as a top-up player for a “one-time only” season. He kicked 6.5 which was better than his previous year at Geelong. If we’re nickel and dime’ing here, Townsend’s 9.5 in his first year with Essendon nets him a higher ranking. I can see his position improve with a retooled forward line that will include a fit Stringer, Stewart and Peter Wright.

DE: Wasn’t a Crowley fan before he came to Essendon as one of those famous ‘top-up’ players. But have great admiration for him for what he did for our club during its time of need. Same with Stokes. Townsend has been disappointing in terms of his output, but too much was probably expected of him in our ineffective, underperforming forward line this year. Mozzie promises plenty, so hopefully he keeps improving year on year.

49. Dylan Clarke 48. Josh Green 47. Jayden Laverde 46. Will Snelling

JR: A former Essendon coach once told me that Laverde should be a lot better than he is but the Bombers haven’t done enough to develop him. This makes me curious then: what’s Laverde’s ceiling? Of all the Bombers’ peripheral players, Laverde stands out with his contested work. Inconsistent? Sure. And he’s not a no.1 key forward. But there’s something there. I think he has more to offer than McKernan. He could be a Mihocek.

DE: Great to see Snelling receive another contract, as he was one of few shining lights during the car crash that was the 2020 season. Laverde has plenty of potential, just needs to become more consistent. That we haven't had a stable forward structure for some time probably hasn't helped him, but I see good upside if we keep a full list on the park.

45. Matt Dea 44. James Stewart 43. Aaron Francis 42. Matt Guelfi 41. Paul Chapman 40. Jason Winderlich

JR: Chapman was thrown a life-line and bagged 30 goals in two seasons. That’s pretty special. It’s not Michael Long’s run down the wing and goal in the ‘93 Grand Final special, but that’s a solid output from a then 34-year old when the club needed it. Winderlich was plagued by constant injuries – back, ACL, and more back troubles. His leg speed was phenomenal when fit.

DE: Thought Dea was terrific for us, and Chappy provided important leadership during dark times. Francis has such potential, but lacks consistency and impact. Wish Stewart got more of the ball, as that would help us up forward where we desperately need a couple of dominant key pillars.

39. Jake Carlisle

JR: So, we end Part I of this journey with an anti-climatic Jake Carlisle. A guy who could take contested marks with ease, yet, could make you loathe him in an instant with his off-field “theatrics” My final memory of Carlisle was when he shouted “this club is f – ‘ed” in a match against the Giants in 2015 and that’s not a good memory to have of any player. I’m glad he no longer plays for the Bombers.

DE: Carlisle could have been an all-time great defender at Essendon, but his final season was a major let-down and I was really disappointed in how he departed. In the end, I was glad to see him go. Like you JR, I lost total respect for him after that comment, and wasn't surprised with what happened a few weeks later at St Kilda.

________________________________________

Historian Dr Dan Eddy is the author of 12 books, including “King Richard” and “Always Striving.” A life-long Bomber supporter, you can follow him on Twitter @DanEddyBooks35 and read his sports books at www.daneddybooks.com.

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rkseokwoo-blog · 7 years

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SJ —@seung_juni uploaded new video!

paldangdam by eddy kim (ft. beenzino) partner: @rkjihun jihun is bold (complete lyric dis.)

-- 21st DEC 2017

They were set up in Interstellar’s office, some of the space cleared out with items pushed aside and made to look more aesthetically pleasing when Seungjun had set up the camera. A smile on his lips when he straightened up Jihun’s jacket that one last time, taking the seat next to him with the microphone in hand. His mind kept linger on whether his best friend was comfortable, unconsciously reaching out to squeeze his thigh as he began to introduce them to the camera. “Hello everyone! It’s Park. Seung. Jun,” he bowed forward in his seat, eyes crinkling as he glanced over at Jihun and then back to the camera. His hand patted his best friends leg. “And this is my best friend, Kim Jihun. Kimchi!” He can’t help the way his voice rises, cutely twists when he uses his best friends nickname and giggles softly into the microphone. There was a buzz of excitement in his stomach, a fluttering of anticipation to perform with his best friend.

Without a second thought, he began to clap his hands together to cheer on Jihun, twisting to face him more. “Are you ready to sing, Kimchi?”

No matter how many times he’d heard Jihun sing, he always thought his voice was smooth and silky; far more skilled than his own. Seungjun filmed with a playfulness, causally bobs of his head and the tap of his foot as he enjoyed his friends part of the song. There was something lazy and fun about the song, quirky and charming; and that made it one that he enjoyed seeing performed. More so by the boy next to him, eyes crinkling whenever they met and darting over to the camera as he knew his part of the song was coming up. His shoulders relaxed in white hoodie and jacket, fingers loosely clasped around the microphone as he began to rap. Every week he grew more confident, every song he grew more certain he was getting better.

woah woah slow it down It’s too early to end, it’s still Saturday night Don’t go all in on me I’ll be honest, your outfit today woah woah, I don’t really like it If you have that body, you should wear something that shows it off I feel like you hid too much of it, how sad

One hand coming up to make small motions, to rest on his hip, to slip along with the lyrics that came from his lips. Only letting his eyes shift back to Jihun, when he came to last lines and lowering the microphone to let his friend gain all the focus. Whenever he performed with anyone, he was conscious of their comfort, of letting them shine, of making sure that people gave them the attention the deserved. But with Jihun, he couldn’t help but stop to admire the way his best friends voice coated around the lyrics and how the soft radiation of strength made him that bit more attractive than he was in conversation. Nothing compared to when Jihun danced though, and he wondered how many of his fans would have fallen for Jihun if they saw him perform. The corner of Seungjun’s lips rising as he tags in with ‘how you doin’ baby’ at the right place, timing a shift of his chair to look at the camera more and playfully continued to move with the beat, mouthing the chorus.

It didn’t take much longer for the microphone to come back up to his lips, a hand coming up once again to motion for a slow down. His head lolling to the left a little and using his gaze as best he could with the lyrics.

woah woah woah woah I said slow it down girl I can definitely tell you’re cute But today is Saturday night Honestly, I want you to show me something different I get that you’re nice but girl what else do you have There’s definitely something I wanna know more please be bad girl

When Jihun’s voice cuts through after the rap, it’s hard not to peek over at him and bite down on the smile. In his mind, they were two friends having some fun. They were enjoying themselves. But he couldn’t help but wonder why Jihun never sung more, the other looked handsome; looked how he had that night when they were away and there was alcohol on his breath. Something different. Something else. Seungjun couldn’t put his finger on it, not when he had to focus on the English part of the song and shrug his shoulders to match the feeling of the song, shaking his head. He was never one to play a bad boy, broken up with more than he was doing the breaking, but he knew there was a feel in the song and he could act on that with enough casualness that it seemed natural.

I’ve got the feel, I felt it I saw how she fell for me but I ain’t got no feel about you no freakin’ special ‘bout you it doesn’t matter

The chorus came through again, letting Seungjun once more come through with a ‘how you doin’ baby’, and glancing over at his best friend. At ease didn’t cover how Seungjun was, forgetting the camera and imagine they were in the car, that they had the music playing and he could reach over to touch Jihun’s arm at the right moment, claim his attention as he mouth along with him. It was difficult not to sing if Seungjun were honest, he liked to sing along; he liked when he could sit in the passenger seat with Jihun and sing the cute girl group songs, show off the choreography he knew when they were stilled at stop lights. His hands coming together in tiny claps, tapping his foot again as the beat changed. The microphone brought halfway up to his mouth as he got out his lines at the right moment. A smile on his lips, all of his attention on the boy next to him instead of the camera.

Tonight, I’m the director of the dam (Clap your hands c’mon) Tonight, I’m the director of the dam (You got to sing along) Tonight, I’m the director of the dam Tonight, I’m the director of the dam (Okay, one, two..)

One hand coming out as he counted down for the end of the song, eyes curved into crescents as he sunk back; biting down on his bottom lip to restrain himself even more. This was Jihun’s chance to show what he had, to impressively end the song -- and Seungjun wasn’t going to deny him that. Instead he patted his hand on his thigh, moving with the beat in the chair and stifling away his chuckle into his shoulder. More than anything, he wanted Jihun to enjoy when they did this together; he hoped that meant he could convince him to do it, again and again. His hand coming out as the song began to wind down, fingers curling on his friends thigh and grinning at him. Unable to help himself but give it a little shake, as if showing his excitement at how good Jihun had done.

“Kimchi is so good at singing, isn’t he? Everyone should tell him that he is good and handsome. Like an idol!” Seungjun’s voice rung out happily, smiling at his best friend. Like they were twelve again and Jihun won the game they were playing, like Jihun showed him a dance he learned, like he’d just heard his best friend got into university, like when they came back together after Jihun had finished his military service. He was so proud, so happy, wanting to show him off.

#( sns. )#( yt. )#rkcollabsolo #rkjihun

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thebestplltheories · 7 years

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Pretty Little Liars 7x20 Til Death Do Us Part - Thoughts

I literally just finished watching the finale and A-List Wrap party right now. I have not seen a single comment about the finale, I don't know how it was received, at all. Sorry if these comments are just reinforcing what everyone else has been talking about for the past several hours, because again, I have no idea what everyone is saying. Here are my thoughts!

- It did not feel like a series finale to me and I cannot pinpoint why. I felt the goodbye scene at the end was not strong enough. Sasha said that they had to keep re-filming that scene because she was crying too much when she said “this feels like the end of something” - well, I think they went with the take that had not enough emotion, to the point it felt like a regular line and it lost its power. Not just this line, but in general, I never got a sense of “farewell PLL” from this episode, unfortunately. Not saying it’s a bad episode, but, I didn’t get that sense of “thank you and goodbye Spencer, Hanna, Aria, Emily, Alison and Rosewood”.

- Marlene said that there is one question she cannot wait for fans to find out, but she can’t tell us what this question is without telling us who AD is. What the hell could be this question?

- THEY ALL DID THE SHHHHH TOGETHER, I LOVED THAT

- DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE DURING THE INTRO THAT THE CASKET OPENED, RATHER THAN CLOSE???

- I’ve always said Pretty Little Liars is a two-part show: half a romance show, other half a mystery show. They really demonstrated that tonight, by having almost a very equal divide between the romance and mystery. The entire first hour was romance, and the entire second hour was mystery (plus farewells). The first hour, I was shaking my head. “This is not good. Not good at all.” Sure, there were some cute scenes, like Emison’s proposal, but there was too much fluff in the first half. The second half, it really kicked off.

- So, my theory ended up being so damn accurate, what the hell! I can't believe it! Even though Spencer’s twin was my foremost suspect going into the finale, I still ended up being shocked, because of the simple fact that they went with it almost exactly exactly exactly how I said! Not just the who, but also the why! I even got the name Alex Drake!

- Okay, so I got the part wrong about the twin having helped Charlotte play the game from season 3 onwards. And honestly, that is my biggest complaint about the finale: AD started playing the game after Charlotte died, period. Again this is my biggest complaint and this is where the finale fell flat for me. Technically, PLL could have ended with Charlotte’s reveal in 610. Everything we got with Alex Drake’s story, was purely an extension because we got renewed for more seasons. I just know there will be people saying “ugh I’m so mad that AD has no connection to pre-time jump” and yes I fully agree, and that’s my biggest complaint too... but my response is: weren't the extra 2 years nice? Sure AD is irrelevant to seasons 1-6A, sure that is incredibly underwhelming and no where near as good as the fan theories... but we got an extra 2 years of PLL in our lives because of this extra, final A story? I’m grateful? #alwayslookingforthepositiveside

- I do not understand Ashley’s comment. Quote “you finally get to find out who A is, who’s been torturing us for the last 7 years”. Girl... it was just a month or two, in Rosewood time.

- Am I the only one who never really felt a sense of danger, or intensity? Weird, since it’s the series finale, and literally anyone could’ve died. It’s not like we had another season, and I knew Spencer was safe from dying. Yet, I never truly did feel like Alex would win the fight. I can't take PLL villains seriously for some unexplainable reason.

- I really liked the flashbacks that explicitly showed us the scenes where “Spencer” was actually Alex. That was great. I wanted more flashbacks to earlier seasons, however. (I did appreciate that they played some music from the pilot, though!)

- THANK YOU MARLENE for not doing another Charlotte reveal where A sits around crying all episode, trying to make us feel sorry for them. Sure, Alex (nearly said Twincer!) had a sad story, but she embraced her sadness, and it fuelled her anger to take over Spencer’s life. That was really good. I loved seeing Troian walk around with an axe. Bless.

- I was surprised we didn’t hear of Radley (as a sanitarium). Honestly, thank god.

- I think the motive is the strongest we’ve ever had, of all the A’s so far: Alex was so jealous of Spencer so she wanted to break up the girls, yet her threats only made them closer. Therefore, she decided, “why break them up, if I can just become Spencer?” That is so evil and I love it.

- I EVEN CALLED IT that there will be a scene where someone holds a gun to Spencer and Twincer, and they have to prove who the real Spencer is. I LOVED that!

- I have a feeling that once I finish typing this, the first word I’ll be seeing people use to describe the motive is cliche. Especially the above mentioned scene about not knowing which Spencer to shoot. It is a bit cliche. (”I’m Buzz Lightyear!” ... “no, I’m Buzz Lightyear!” Toy Story 2.. anyone? That’s where my mind went, lol) An evil, jealous twin is a tad cliche. I can't defend that. But within this world of PLL, it worked well I guess.

- Sorry Troian, I wasn't too convinced by the British accent unfortunately. But my gosh you slayed the rest. WHY COULDN’T WE GET AT LEAST ONE SCENE WITH TROIAN IN THE HOODIE!? That was a real shame. I get that it was set one year later, but... still, Alex should’ve wore the hoodie for a scene or two. For satisfaction’s sake, and it’s also just iconic for PLL.

- SHOUTOUT TO A FOLLOWER OF MINE WHO MESSAGED ME AFTER THE AIRPORT SCENE IN 715 SAYING THAT TWINCER SOUNDED BRITISH. HOW DID YOU GET THAT PART TOO!? “Are you going someplace?” sounded very British, I agree, but I never picked it until I was told to listen for it. Genius.

- We even got it right as to who Wren was shooting: Twincer, so that she can look like Spencer. Gosh, is there anything we didn’t predict?

- Bethany who? Eddie who? Seriously though, I’m going to spend hours editing my unanswered questions list. We got a lot. You can say whatever you want about the finale, but you can't say we didn’t get answers. Like, c’mon. If you’re saying we didn’t get answers, you’re the type of person who complains over nothing and is just impossible to please. Every word that came out of Alex’s mouth was golden. We had rapid fire Q&A with Alex and Spencer. I’m not saying this finale answered 7 years worth of questions; I’ll probably find some unanswered things once I start going through my list. But... You. Can. Not. Say. We. Got. Zero. Answers. I hope that when I finish this post, I don't see people spreading such stupid negativity.

- Wren died? How? Why? That was unnecessary. This finale really lacked a major death. I wanted to say OMG to at least ONE thing, and unfortunately, I couldn't. Not one thing shocked me.

- Am I the only one who thought Wren’s involvement seemed a bit forced?? What are the actual odds of Wren running into Alex at a bar in London? Seriously? But whatever. I’m so glad he played a role in this, and a damn big one too.

- So ALEX was the British person Mary was talking to on the phone in 701!!!

- I loved the scene between Alex and Charlotte!!

- I found it really really random that Alex started messaging Mona 1 year later. They had just moved on and all of a sudden Alex is back to start to reveal herself. Maybe I’m forgetting something because that was just weird.

- I was disappointed that there wasn't a major reason Alex took Ezra. I was waiting for them to reveal a mind blowing alliance between the two but then it slowly became obvious that he had just been kidnapped and wasn’t on the friendly side with Alex.

- Melissa’s mask was just pointless. That was pure fan service to MelissA theorists. (And also to throw us off for a bit.) And I knew Melissa wasn’t AD since there’s no way they’d reveal Uber A so randomly at a picnic like that. I knew it was a mask.

- I got dollhouse vibes when Spencer (or Ezra?) said “we’re still underground”. I thought that was creepy!

- Seriously... they make reference to the mums getting out of the basement, without actually giving us an answer??? “Do you remember how we even got out of there?” said Veronica. It would’ve been better to leave that dialogue out completely. Teasing fans over something they’ll never get, is far worse than acting like it was just forgotten.

- Did Veronica know that Spencer has a twin, since she made a comment in 4B about not knowing who is coming down for breakfast; Spencer or her evil twin? They really made it out as if no one knew about Alex.

- Wren is the father of Emison’s baby!? That was so subtle, the way Alex said it. WHY!? That makes no sense. I’ve noticed that this show is really big on “who” but not so big on the “why”. I’m just going to assume that Wren was the only male she had “access” to, to pull off the stunt, so she used Wren simply out of convenience. That’s all I can think of.

- So Ezria got married, Haleb is having a baby, Emison is engaged with twins, and Spoby is??? I was really really shocked actually that one ship is still left up in the air. It’s not a sad ending, but it’s not happy either. Maybe that’s the one thing that doesn’t get answered that Marlene was talking about.

- That last scene with the recreation of ‘that night’ should NOT have been the last scene of the entire show. If Freeform wants to launch a spinoff, fine, go ahead, but how dare you cut to the end credits after that scene. Call me fussy, but I call it passion. The final scene of the show should have been Mary and Alex stuck in Mona’s dollhouse. Cut to the credits after that closeup on Alex (Which, was brilliant by the way, and aligns with Janel’s comment of Mona having her own unique happy ending.)

- The wrap party was boring. Just saying. It should’ve been the 6 liars (yes Mona too) with Marlene, sitting in Spencer’s barn, talking about the making of the finale, any questions that couldn't get wrapped up, favourite episodes, etc. I finished the finale and thought “it’s okay, I still have one more chance to farewell the show since the last scene didn’t do it for me!” and nope, this third hour was no better.

- FULL CIRCLE HOW??? Can someone name one thing that happened, that can be classified as “full circle”??? In my mind, full circle means Alison dying and the girls having a sleepover in the barn!?

- Overall, this is how I summarise the finale:

It did not feel like a finale. The first half was boring, even for a series finale. The goodbyes were not strong enough, and I did not feel like I properly said “thank you” and “farewell” to my favourite fictional characters ever. The scene with the girls at the end was far too short. The AD reveal was very predictable for me and other dedicated detectives, but I think other fans across the world will be pleased since it wasn’t actually that obvious. The motive was great. Troian slayed. But, coming from a person who also has a non-rhotic accent (Australian), I felt put off by Alex’s accent. The final scene was just stupid, I’m not watching a spinoff - the final scene should’ve been Mary and Alex. We got a shit ton of answers, but, as I’ll soon see when I go to my list, I don't feel like it was everything. But absolutely, most things, yes.

In 3 words: slow, predictable, fun.

Here’s my theory where I correctly solved Alex Drake

Here’s my farewell letter

#PLL #PLL 7x20 #PLL series finale #Pretty Little Liars

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junker-town · 5 years

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How Frank Ntilkina’s summer with France might have revived his NBA career

How France basketball embraced Frank Ntilikina and helped him learn to trust himself.

Frank Ntilikina’s 21st birthday was a memorable one. It marked his return to basketball after two years of wandering, seemingly lost on the Knicks’ roster.

That day, July 28, 2019, he reported to French national team training camp at INSEP, the country’s elite sports school and campus tucked into leafy Bois de Vincennes in eastern Paris. Known as the “land of champions,” INSEP is where most French national teams and athletes prepare for international competition, as well as where some of the country’s most promising teenage sportswomen and men finish their academic and athletic training. Among NBA players, the Orlando Magic’s Evan Fournier studied at INSEP, and before him Tony Parker, Boris Diaw and Ronny Turiaf.

Ntilikina did not attend INSEP. For him, passing through the famed gateway was like walking into the heart of French sports history. By playing for the national team this summer, he solidified at least a small place in the nation’s record books. In the process, he also turned a page in his story.

Fêted by the New York Knicks, media and fans following the 2017 NBA Draft, Ntilikina’s young career stagnated last year. Expectations were high but his rookie season left everyone — the Knicks, fans and Ntilikina himself — if pining for the Frenchman to play more aggressively. The start of the 2018-19 season held promise, but Ntilikina quickly found himself mired in an offensive slump, for which he was scathingly criticized as being “soft.” He played solid defense, but soon lost playing time, appearing to be falling out of favor with Knicks coach David Fizdale.

Ntilikina suffered a groin injury mid-season, then re-aggravated it after his first game back in late March. Some called it a lost season, but not Ntilikina.

“I learned a lot of things, even on the bench, more than you can imagine,” he told French sports daily L’Équipe. “You see the game, consume a lot of video, and progress in understanding the game. I wasn’t on vacation doing nothing.”

But while Ntilikina progressed in many respects, he was the subject of trade speculation during the 2019 offseason, his confidence potentially falling into tatters. Because of his lingering injury, he wasn’t sure how much he could trust his body, which impacted his on-court movements and shooting.

That lack of confidence was especially jarring to those who have watched Ntilikina since he was a kid, like broadcast journalist George Eddy, France’s television voice of the NBA for the past 35 years. Eddy, like many, views Ntilikina’s time in New York so far as a disaster.

“[Frank is] very intelligent, and it’s easy to see why Phil Jackson liked him and drafted him,” Eddy says. “They’ve played his mind in terms of playing time and the way they’ve used him.

“They didn’t do it on purpose, but everything they were doing was going towards ruining his confidence in himself and impeding his progress as an NBA player.”

Ntilikina’s rocky time with the Knicks is why Ntilikina’s strong performance this summer with Les Bleus was so noteworthy. He came off the bench during the FIBA World Cup and consistently came up with clutch plays, particularly in the team’s 89-79 quarterfinal win over the United States. And it wasn’t just French fans who took note; Coach Fizdale watched a majority of France’s World Cup games in China last month, suitably impressed with what he saw.

The road back to basketball hasn’t been easy for Ntilikina. It has required months of hard work to get healthy, regain belief in his body, and learn — a lot — about the game and letting go of bad experiences. He needed to return home and feel the embrace of his French basketball family.

The first phase of Ntilikina’s journey did not begin in France, but in Los Angeles. There, shortly after his season ended, Ntilikina worked with physical therapist and osteopath Fabrice Gautier in conjunction with Knicks staff.

Although Gautier left France 20 years ago for California, he never left French basketball. He was the osteopath for Les Bleus from 2009 to 2013, and has worked with many of the country’s NBA players since 2014.

Ntilikina spent three weeks in LA working with Gautier to get his body back into competition form.

“I worked on the body, tried to get him strong, and tried to find out what might be the cause of his adductor problem,” Gautier explains.

After a short vacation in France, Ntilikina was back in Los Angeles in June to continue getting stronger and reacquainting himself with basketball movements. Such preparations were particularly crucial for Ntilikina when he was called up for national team service.

“We all know that it’s a game of confidence,” Gautier says. “If you start healthy, feeling good, and feeling confident, you’re going to try things that’s really going to make you shine.”

Ntilikina’s Team France training consisted of two or three practices a day against hard competitors like Fournier, Nicolas Batum, Rudy Gobert and Vincent Poirier. Ntilikina says Gautier’s program prepared him for the national team’s rigors.

“All of that helped me trust my body again and to let go,” Ntilikina says. “When you try to get back onto the court, sometimes the tough part is trusting your body.”

Ntilikina always dreamed of playing for Les Bleus.

“From the youngest age, we look up to the players on the national team,” Ntilikina says. “It’s amazing and it’s an honor to play for France.”

His return to France was also a reunion with Vincent Collet, the coach who gave him his first professional break, at SIG Strasbourg.

“From the youngest age, we look up to the players on the national team ... it’s an honor to play for France.” - Frank Ntilikina

Since 2009, Collet has led Les Bleus as they have accumulated medals — two bronzes at the World Cup, a EuroBasket silver, and the 2013 European championship title. He also has longtime experience identifying and elevating young talent. While head coach at Le Mans in the Brittany region, he gave a young Batum his first taste of playing professionally, just as he did for Ntilikina in 2015.

With Ntilikina’s first-ever call-up to the national team this summer, Collet had both of his “basketball sons” with him on Team France for the first time.

Early in the summer, Ntilikina’s call-up to Les Bleus’ training camp was met with surprise from the media because of his late-season injury and minimal playing time with the Knicks. Collet’s own pre-tournament comments fanned speculation that Ntilikina would have to fight for a coveted roster spot. Yet, according to Collet, his plan was always to have Ntilikina on the team, even before the team’s best offensive point guard, Thomas Heurtel, was forced to give up his roster spot through injury.

“Frank would be an important player,” Collet says, speaking after the World Cup. “He would be on the final team, with or without Thomas.” That decision, made well before Ntilikina proved instrumental during the competition, was a resounding vote of confidence from the coach who knows Ntilikina best.

Admittedly, Collet had to make some initial adjustments for his point guard. Ntilikina had changed in many ways since Collet had last worked with him. His body was different than it had been at 19, but he also had a collection of new on-court experiences. He could play at a faster-paced NBA tempo, and had mastered different playing styles.

“I was much more doubtful, but the NBA changed me,” Ntilikina says, when asked how he learned to be more aggressive on the court despite the criticism of the New York press and fans. “I think [Collet] saw that I was maybe grown up with all this experience. I think he was surprised in a good way.”

But some things remained the same, notably how much the two trusted each other. For Eddy, a longtime observer, the reunion of coach and player came at the right time.

“Collet is a good psychologist with [Ntilikina],” Eddy says. “He’s known him since he was very young, so he knows what buttons to push.”

From the first days of training camp, Collet used that long-held relationship to coax ever-more out of his youngest “basketball son.”

“[Frank] always tries to do what you expect him to do,” Collet explains. “But I know him very well, so I pushed him. I often told him, ‘Do more, and if you do too much, I will tell you.’”

With Collet, Ntilikina could finally test his limits.

Ntilikina’s re-found confidence was also aided enormously by his teammates on Les Bleus. Along with Collet, veteran players like Batum, Fournier, Gobert and Nando de Colo encouraged Ntilikina to take opportunities to score himself instead of deferring to others.

“They were really trying to teach us young players about the experience of being in a big time tournament,” Ntilikina says.

He learned how to play with the team at a high level of intensity during a short period of time, all while navigating travel and the stress of international competition. He learned how to be more mentally prepared for each and every game, especially from Fournier.

“Evan, mentally he’s like a dog,” Ntilikina says. “He’s really passionate and he brings that to the court every day.”

“I pushed him. I often told him, ‘Do more, and if you do too much, I will tell you.’” - Vincent Collet, France national team coach

Ntilikina also learned how leadership and mental tenacity can forge a more cohesive team.

“It was just amazing with this group,” Ntilikina says of Team France’s mix of rookies and veterans, thought he was subjected to well-intended jokes, like being forced to chug water at a banquet dinner during their first days in China.

“It didn’t feel like I was the youngest player. It felt like a family.”

NBA circles are tight, but because of Ntilikina’s limited court time with the Knicks, Collet thought Ntilikina’s game would be relatively unknown to his teammates. Collet was surprised by how much veterans like Gobert lobbied for Ntilikina.

“Rudy very often came to me, saying that for the defense we want to do Frank will be perfect because he can share the ball very easily,” Collet says. “The way they were trusting him, this was good, for I think it helped him to become what he became with us.”

The fact that France’s extended basketball family opened its arms to him — Collet and teammates, to Gautier, Eddy and others — didn’t escape Ntilikina.

“You fear less,” Ntilikina says. “You are not worrying about making mistakes — you make mistakes, but you have the confidence to make plays and just play basketball and do what you can do. It helps you more to play freely.

“It is a good feeling and I was really thankful, for I felt it a lot.”

Ntilikina put into practice his hard-realized gains at the World Cup. For Eddy, this was part of the mission: not just to win a medal, but to restore Ntilikina’s confidence. “That’s the whole goal,” Eddy says.

While Ntilikina split time on the court with Andrew Albicy and played his usual formidable defense, he also took more shots, averaging eight points, 2.6 rebounds and 2.5 assists per game.

Ntilikina was a catalyst for Les Bleus against Team USA, pressing the tempo and creating clutch plays when needed. Ntilikina went on a seven-point fourth quarter run, nailing a three-point shot with 4:35 left that tied the game. That shot was the start of a 16-3 run to close out a 10-point win.

The performance didn’t sink in for Ntilikina until after the game when his number one fan, his mother, greeted him in the hotel lobby in Dongguan.

“After that game, she was really proud of me,” Ntilikina says, remembering how the two united in an emotional victory embrace. “Seeing that look on her face was amazing for me.”

Les Bleus did not win gold, but otherwise Ntilikina’s summer could hardly have been more successful. He is still waiting to become a part of the Knicks’ regular rotation, but his time may be coming soon. Fans began chanting “We want Frank” during the team’s third straight loss to open the 2019 season.

“It’s just amazing,” Ntilikina says of his World Cup experience. “[I] knew that this was going to help me either getting back onto the court and getting that confidence, or also knowing my body.” In winning a bronze medal, Team France got its youngest member on the road back to basketball success. Ntilikina won’t soon forget.

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ryanmeft · 6 years

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Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Movie Review

The Harry Potter universe is on the short list of fictional worlds that can sustain even a weak film, and that’s good, because with the second installment in the Fantastic Beasts series, it has to do just that. The constantly magical world---humongous felines that look like living Chinese dragons, mail rooms that shift like moving skyscrapers---and the typically stellar casting help get us through a story that is trying too hard to stretch a vulnerable franchise, replete with uninspiring plot twists and broken pacing.

Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) ended the last movie without any real over-arching goals he could call his own, and the labor of this movie is to give him some. To that end, it adds several characters and plot elements not even hinted at in the last one, probably because that movie needed to stand alone in case it underperformed. Among these: Newt’s brother, Theseus (Callum Turner), who is in the department of Magical Cops, and wants Newt to join him there. I’m not exactly sure why, as the latter doesn’t seem built for it, and not only does the film never elaborate, but Theseus and Newt’s relationship is all over the board, going from “Come work with me” to treating him like a fugitive and back again without much in the way of mooring. Also new is a sense of overarching story, which was teased with a questionable Johnny Deep surprise appearance in the last film. That story involves dark wizard Grindelwald attempting to rule over non-magic users so wizards can come out of the shadows, and manipulating a boy named Credence (Ezra Miller) into using his power to transform into a really angry dark cloud to do it. Newt’s hamstrung by an order not to leave Britain, which is a convenient excuse to drop Dumbledore into the mix. He’s played by Jude Law as much more of a cloak and dagger character than the wise old mentor of the Potter books. Zoe Kravitz debuts as Leta Lestrange, a former flame of Newt’s who has ended up engaged to his bro. Claudia Kim is Nagini---yes, that Nagini, and her addition is strange in an uncomfortable rather than a curious way. Returning cast include Katherine Waterston as Scamander’s estranged love interest Tina, and Alison Sudol and Dan Fogler as a couple dealing with a ban on wizards and non-wizards marrying.

I said of the previous film that “This movie is all about the beasts,” and praised the incredible level of visual creativity on-hand, including an absolutely spectacular world for magical monsters hidden inside a briefcase. That world returns, and now includes Victoria Yeates as Newt’s completely lovable, hideously underutilized assistant; there is a scene in which she revels in being doused by the waters from a pond containing a friendly sea monster that made me wish she was in the movie more and others in it less. Some favorite beasts return, but the only new one of serious consideration is that, well, fantastic dragon cat.

I also predicted it would be impossible for J.K. Rowling, who wrote the movie, and long-time Potterverse director David Yates to resist loading future sequels with fan service. I was right. Whereas the first film was caught up in the wonder of the beasts themselves and was a hell of a fun ride despite pretensions at world-building, this one is all about those pretensions. They occasionally almost work. To my great surprise, Jude Law is excellent as a young Dumbledore---in fact, he is a highlight. The movie wisely does not try to copy the character as he existed in the books or original movies, instead leaning full in to the idea that in his youth, he could be far more openly manipulative and willing to play chess with people. He’s still a good guy, of course, but he’s a good guy with more rough edges, and Law’s casting is spot on. Depp isn’t as horribly miscast as I expected him to be, though he’s rarely allowed to sink his teeth in. Grindelwald at this juncture is not so much his own character as a somewhat less creepy Voldemort, one whose plot is a tiny bit more complex and driven by a very warped ideology. If there’s more to his character that sets him apart, the team seems to be storing that up for later.

Therein lies the trouble: with a planned five films in this series, it feels as if the Potter team is not just holding over their best cards for the next entries, but most of their good cards, too. Whereas Rowling, with the original series, almost always knew exactly where to drop in a new mystery or how to answer an old one and rarely resorted to filler, The Crimes of Grindelwald is often an advertisement for later entries. A return visit to Hogwarts that should have had fans squealing is neutered by the fact that nothing enticing happens there, while Grindelwald’s menace is fangless and mostly consists of him making speeches. Particularly annoying is the tease at the end of the film, which might have been something except that it relies on retconning an original-book plot point rather than expanding on one. Since there’s no possible way anyone could have thought of it, it left me feeling confused and cheated rather than anticipating the payoff to come in two years. All this build-up is at the expense of some of the more interesting characters, particularly Waterston, whose Tina is relegated to irrelevance.

All is not lost. There’s a lot of complaints about CGi ruining film, but the Potter franchise has always slapped those down, offering, by itself, a world that justifies the computer-animated era. It continues to do so here, and while the darker portents of the story aren’t fully served, the artists behind them give us a world that is. Secret meeting places hidden in cemeteries, glossy tiled floors of a new Ministry of Magic, and a particularly thrilling semi-cold opener succeed in setting a tone that could be really compelling if the story can catch up. My favorite bit was a carnival sideshow for magical freak acts like those still popular in the film’s 1920’s setting; it’s a marvelous combination of the wondrous and the seedy.

Unlike many, I don’t find Redmayne dull as a protagonist. I think after the rather cliche Chosen One trope that Harry often was (you know it’s true; the supporting cast made those stories), Newt’s more reserved, less action-hero persona works. When Redmayne needs to communicate the many emotions seething under the skin, however, he effectively does so with clipped replies and by giving the character an inability to make eye contact. I’m a fan of non-traditional heroes.

I often over-analyze the Potter universe, and that’s for two very good reasons. The first is that it is easily the most influential and important literary fantasy world to come down the pike since Tolkien put a Hobbit in a hole in the ground, and the second is I’m a big, big fan of Harry Potter. I probably know more about the genealogies and history of Rowling’s world than I strictly should. That’s why a review like this is a challenge to write. I like Newt and his friends. I like the beasts. I wanted to love this movie. I did at times. As a whole, though, I felt like I was being offered a stretched-out middle chapter that was mostly meant to placate me before the main course. And that’s something I never felt about the originals.

Verdict: Average

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts.

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

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#Harry Potter #fantastic beats and where to find them #Johnny Depp #jude law #eddie redmayne #zoe kravitz #J.K. Rowling #David Yates #callum turner #claudia kim #dan fogler #alison sudol #katherine waterston #victoria yeates

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