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flowers-of-io · 2 years ago

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The server is sharing so many good thoughts and I'm fighting off sleep at 4 am & not emotionally ready to unravel all that, but it made me look at the Traveler's actions from an angle I've realised I wasn't giving it the grace of, and yet (or maybe because) that is very intimately known to me. (Putting aside whether it has responsibility for the species it had chosen or not, and would it have been better if it had never arrived, etc--it's a whole 'nother post I shall make on some different sleepless night.)

I think we often don't give it the grace of being a person--frankly what this season has been all about--with all the complexity that comes along with it. Its choices are often framed as determined by pure calculation (again--Rasputin talked about that wrt himself!!!), and they're interpreted and judged only as such. The Traveler left because it didn't care about us, gave Light to the Hive because they're its besties now, went to Savathûn's throne world because it figured she'd do a better job keeping it safe than humanity. All cold necessity and calculation.

And I think it's so much more messy than that! The Gardener, who knocked the universe askew and hurt her only friend because she was bored and wanted to create new things. Her blessing that is given recklessly, with but one requirement of sacrifice, and other than that it's free for all regardless of who they are or used to be or are about to become. That first part of the Speakers' creed that talks about it being an independent, complex entity with its own personhood. A person who feels love, and hope, and protectiveness, and delight, and sorrow, and pain, and fear.

Maybe I was so shattered when I saw it leave because I hate to see characters mirror the parts of me I despise. I want to look at the Traveler as a benevolent god who does no wrong and always has a plan and does stuff for a reason, even if we can't see this reason just yet. I want to see it as unflinching and brave and infallibly good! I want to point to it and shout, look, you shouldn't have doubted, look how it has been right all along. I want to stuff it with all my Christian feelings. This is who it is in Book! A divine providence of sorts; a presence always there; always trustworthy, and infallible, and right in the end.

But Destiny is not a story about gods vs. people, but about different levels of the cosmic power hierarchy turning out to be really all about the same things. The pattern is the same, the pain is the same; be it the gods of the Hive or civilians in the City. Eramis' ire and vengeance for Riis mirroring the Hive's millennia-long chase to punish the Traveler for the syzygy, and Lakshmi's hate towards Eliksni for the razing of London. As @lizzieraindrops said -- in the end, it is a story about the broken relationship between the Gardener and Winnower. What the Witness says to Eramis, "make it know your pain" -- I like to think it is really talking about its own pain here. There are no gods here in the full meaning of the world, and no one is omniscient and perfect. The whole point of Rasputin's arc was his progression from a machine-god to a person!

And accepting this requires of me to accept that the Traveler makes mistakes--not only the cool, narratively pleasing fuck-ups I can make cool song edits about like the ending of TWQ, but also the mistakes that disturb and repulse me. I think about that bit in Constellations again, the Traveler battling with itself because it doesn't want to leave but is also so terrified its instinct is to run and not look back. It's bloodcurdling, because I so desperately want it to be brave! To stay even when the fear is overwhelming! It terrifies and repulses me, what fear can make you do. I don't want it to act on this panic, and I'm disturbed when it does, because I don't want myself to act on my own panic. The "run, run, RUN RUN" bit hits me so hard because it is so deeply, intimately known to me. Fear makes you lose yourself. You're stripped down of everything, reduced only to this blaring alarm in your head that tells you to GET OUT, NOW.

There have been many good thoughts shared on the Traveler possibly choosing to stay because it saw the light and love in us, it looked to us and saw that hope--again, something about there being no gods but only different levels of cosmic power structure--and it's beautiful and reassuring, and I love this. It gives me hope. But it's softening the blow I really need to take, I think.

I think I need to untangle why my instinct was to interpret it as betrayal and abandonment and a moral failure, when I saw the Traveler potentially act on its fear. Why do I hold it up to a standard of bravery, if I'm so often decimated and defeated my my own fears? Why do I expect it to always Be Brave without hesitation, if I am all hesitation, and every step forward comes with half a step back? And I am just a girl with an anxiety disorder, and not like... being in an actively life-threatening situation, where your trauma of near death and immense pain is threatening to repeat itself. I think I was distraught the most because some part of me knows that I would try to run too. If the fear it felt was anything close to what the worst of my anxiety is like? Yeah. I would try to run too.

#season of the seraph spoilers #traveler #personal #mental health #quite a collection of tags ngl

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imagine-loki · 4 years ago

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What About Trust, Chapter 1

TITLE: What About Trust CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 1 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki owns a bookshop on Midgard. He had to do something there to try and avoid getting any attention. But he’s not fond of having customers, is rather grumpy and guarded. But then he meets a bright, bubbly and trusting young woman who doesn’t recognise him. To his dismay, he finds himself becoming rather fond of the mortal. RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS: Fluff ahoy in this fic! Lots of fluff.

Cleo was just strolling along the streets in the Northern Quarter of Manchester. It was her favourite place to be and since she had a day off, she was going to make the most of it.

As she worked in an independent record shop on Oxford street, she knew the importance of supporting small local businesses instead of the larger ones. And there was plenty of quirky shops in the area, including other record shops.

But suddenly the heavens decided to open and started dumping a load of rain on top of her.

‘Shit, shit, shit!’ She had forgotten to take an umbrella. And her jacket wasn’t exactly waterproof either.

She pulled her jacket up over her head in an attempt to try and at least keep her hair from getting utterly soaked and she sprinted along the street. Then she ducked into a small doorway that had a small overhang, enough to save her from the sudden downpour anyway.

Sighing, she looked round to see what she was outside of. Her eyebrows shot upwards when she saw it was a bookshop. It didn’t look very brightly lit inside, but there was a very small sign that said open.

Unable to resist looking around a bookshop, she pushed the door open and stepped inside. There was a small bell above the door that announced her arrival. But the shop was empty, aside from books.

‘Oh wow.’ She gasped as she looked around, it was quite a small place but the owner had managed to stack hundreds and hundreds of books in, with really tall shelves on every wall and a few aisles on front of her.

There was a beautiful wooden spiral staircase just off the centre of the shop, leading to an upper floor that came out halfway, where she saw even more books.

A lit fireplace was to the left of her, in a space amongst the book shelves. It kept the place cosy and was one of the few light sources in the shop. As well as a large lamp to her right.

Cleo breathed in deeply, revelling in the book smell that surrounded her.

How she had never noticed this place before was beyond her. Considering she frequented the area all the time, pretty much every week. But she decided she was certainly going to make up for lost time now.

‘Hello?’ She called out, wondering if there was even anyone here manning the place.

There was no response. But she didn’t notice the green eyes watching her from the back corner, hidden in the shadows.

Not caring much, she started to the right and looked at some of the book titles. She felt giddy when she realised this was no normal bookshop, these were rare books. Some were foreign, a language she didn’t even recognise. But some of the books were decorated in beautiful and intricate patterns, capturing her attention.

She pulled a few books out from the shelves and went to the fireplace, where it was warmest. There was a lone green arm chair on front of it, she took a seat with the books on her lap and she started looking through the first one.

It was a William Shakespeare play that was said to have been lost many years ago, she couldn’t actually believe it was in her hands as she carefully turned the pages.

‘What are you doing?’ Came a rather cold voice from beside her.

She jumped, having not heard anyone approach. When she looked round, her eyes widened when she saw a really tall man… A really tall and rather handsome man, at that. With long black hair, nice cheekbones. He was wearing a dark green shirt and leather trousers with boots. He didn’t look like an ordinary book shop owner, but who was she to judge?

He had his arms folded across his chest and didn’t look overly pleased at her presence.

‘Oh, sorry. I did shout when I came in but no one answered… I’m reading, that’s not illegal, is it?’ She smirked up at him.

‘No, it is not.’ He drawled. ‘But this is not a library.’

‘I can see that. It’s way better than a library.’

Loki had no idea why this mortal was in his shop, reading a book and sitting on his chair. Sure, it was a book shop, but barely anyone ever came in. Never mind stayed for this long.

‘Are you going to buy that book or just put your grubby hands all over it?’ He grumbled.

Cleo narrowed her eyes at him. ‘You’re not very friendly for a shop owner. No, I am not going to be buying it, I suspect this would be well out of my price range. Do you not like to share with a fellow book lover? I was going to leave some money on my way out, I know it can be difficult for small businesses to keep afloat.’

Loki was a little surprised at her answer. And the fact she was still there, sitting on his chair. Normally when a mortal came in and stayed to look through his books, they soon scarpered when he made his presence known. Either because they recognised him, or were just put off by his coldness towards them.

‘Fine. Whatever. Just… don’t rip any of my books.’ He huffed and walked away again, leaving her to it.

Cleo was rather confused at what the hell had just happened.

‘Wait.’ She carefully placed the books down on the small coffee table on front of her and rushed after him to the back of the shop. ‘What’s your name? I’m guessing you are the owner?’

Loki rolled his eyes before turning around to face her. ‘I am… My name is Luke.’

‘Nice to meet you, Luke. I’m Cleo.’ She put her hand out towards him. He eyed her suspiciously for a moment, then shook her hand when he decided she didn’t seem much of a threat.

‘I’ve never seen your shop before, it’s quite hidden. But it’s incredible. I can actually see why you wouldn’t want it to get too busy, it would ruin the atmosphere. But it’s quite the wee gem.’ She said as she looked around, still taking it all in.

‘Thank you… You’re not from here, are you?’ He quirked an eyebrow up.

‘Nope. I’m from Inverness, but I’ve lived here for the past eight months. Much more exciting than back home.’ She smiled.

Loki nodded once. ‘Well, I shall leave you to your reading… If there areany books you’re interested in buying, let me know.’

Cleo’s face brightened. ‘I will, thanks.’

She watched as Loki disappeared through a door at the very back of the shop, it said staff only on it. She shrugged the encounter off and went back to the few books she had taken out to look at. After flicking through them, she carefully placed them back in their place and went upstairs to look some more.

As she carefully pulled a book out from its shelf, she nearly jumped out of her skin when Loki suddenly spoke next to her.

‘Are you still here?’

She held the book she had in her hands close to her chest in fright, her heart was racing but soon calmed down when she realised it was just the owner.

‘Jesus Christ. Do you always sneak up on your customers?’

‘Are you always so jumpy?’ Loki countered, raising an eyebrow. A ghost of a smirk on his lips.

Cleo rolled her eyes and looked down at the book in her hands. ‘How did you even get hold of most these? They’re so rare and expensive.’

‘You could say I’ve travelled a lot.’ Loki said as he started walking down the aisle, she followed him, curious.

‘Really? That’s cool. I’ve never been out of the UK before. But I would love to visit some countries like Iceland, Finland and Norway, for the culture and history. Those places fascinate me.’ Cleo rambled a bit.

Loki suddenly turned on his heels, going back right past her. Cleo was a little stunned but turned and followed him again.

‘How long have you had the shop?’ She asked as Loki stopped and started skimming through the shelves, looking for something.

‘A year.’ He said simply as his long fingers tapped gently along the spines of the books on the upper shelf.

‘I can’t believe I’ve only just found it. I’ve been living in the city for the last eight months, I’m around this area every week.’ She said as Loki plucked a book out, he briefly turned his back to her so she didn’t see the slight shimmer of green that surrounded the book before he quickly turned around to face her, holding the book out towards her.

‘What’s this?’ She asked, tucking the other book under her arm.

‘Nordic tales. Since you seem interested in the Nordic countries, perhaps you might find that of interest.’ Loki hummed.

Cleo’s eyes widened as she looked at the book. She looked up at Loki in disbelief. ‘I’ve been looking for an English edition of this for… years! I didn’t think one existed. I thought I was going to have to give in and google translate every single word.’

Loki scoffed. ‘Google translate is not reliable at all, believe me.’ He turned on his heels again and started heading back towards the stairs.

Cleo was too busy looking at the blurb of the book, by the time she looked up Loki was back downstairs. She hurried after him, putting the other book back in its rightful place first.

As she was rushing down the stairs, she held the Nordic Tales book out. ‘How much is this? Please, God. Let it be within my budget!’ She said as she rushed over to him by the fireplace.

Loki folded his arms over his chest and sighed, narrowing his eyes at her for a moment. Then he smiled, just a little bit. ‘Call it a gift, for a fellow book lover.’

Cleo’s mouth opened wide in shock. ‘What? Seriously? But the originals are like at least fifty quid anyway. This English version must be worth a shit load more than’

‘Do you want the book or not?’ Loki interrupted.

She nodded sheepishly. ‘I do…’

‘Well then, like I said. Consider it a gift. Before I change my mind and decide to charge you triple what it’s actually worth.’

Cleo grinned and slipped the book safely into her handbag. ‘Maybe I did get you wrong, you’re an alright shop owner.’

Loki chuckled. ‘What is it they say? Don’t judge a book by its cover.’

‘Never a truer word spoken.’ Cleo agreed. ‘Well, it was really nice meeting you. Thank you so much for the book, I really appreciate it. I’ll be back before you know it, I want to read that Shakespeare play through properly.’ She said as she started to head towards the door.

‘I look forward to your return.’ Loki said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Cleo turned back to face him and grinned widely. ‘Ohh, I bet you do.’ She laughed.

As Cleo left the shop, Loki shook his head. But he smiled.

‘What a curious mortal.’

#Loki #Lover #Submitted fic #What About Trust #chapter 1 #fanficshiddles

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dreamescapeswriting · 5 years ago

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Stray Kids Reaction || Deletes Something Important [Request]

A/N: I’m still trying to get into the swing of writing for these babies, BUT Please go and VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! And Stream (depending on when this comes out) these babies deserve the world honestly

A/N: My writing is under keep reading signs to stop from blocking up peoples dashes, sorry again to everyone it annoyed.

Chan:

Chan was supposed to be asleep beside you but he'd tried to drift off but couldn't his mind was elsewhere. You were asleep next to him and he was getting nervous about work he was supposed to have been emailing with JYP but he'd left his laptop at the JYP building and he didn't want to get into trouble but not replying at all so he took hold of yours and opened it up. It was no big deal you always let him use your laptop so he logged in and began emailing with JYP when a document popped up on the screen without giving it a second thought he clicked off it without saving and then his eyes widened as he realised what it was, across the screen were the words.

''Deleting 10K Essay For English'' He scrambled trying to get back what he'd deleted but the laptop wasn't cooperating with him and he was starting to get stressed. You stirred in your sleep turning over and facing Chan and he panicked looking down at the screen once again trying to recover the file but it wasn't working,

"Chris, what are you doing?" You grumbled realising he was still awake, normally he could sleep when he was beside you but clearly not tonight.

"I was writing an email and then I accidentally deleted your essay I'm so sorry though. I'm trying to get it back but it's not working." You rubbed your eyes and sat up in the bed taking the laptop away from him and going into the deleted system to recover what he'd deleted.

"I hadn't started it yet anyway." You said showing him that the only thing on the document was your name, date and title of the project. He felt a weight lift off his shoulders as he realised he hadn't deleted anything too important,

"Will you cuddle me now? I'm tired." You mumbled to him laying back down beside him, he shut the laptop and snuggled up behind your so his arm was dropping over your side and he dragged you closer to him.

"Goodnight baby," He whispered in your ear, you hummed and closed your eyes listening to him breathing to help you drift off back to sleep and Chan laid there listening to you snore softly while drawing invisible patterns into your skin.

Minho:

"Can I borrow your laptop?!" You heard Lee Know yell over the runner water,

"Sure!" You yelled back going back to washing yourself, you'd just gotten done with another dance video for your Youtube channel and you were looking forward to editing them all later now that filming was out and done for the next two weeks. Minho was clicking off the excessive amount of internet tabs that you had open not checking that he was now closing down the videos that you'd had ready to save without saving them and then doing what he needed to do he hadn't even noticed that he'd just deleted two weeks worth of work.

(X)

"Hey, baby?" You asked later that night when you sat down ready to edit everything you'd been recording but everything was gone,

"Yeah?" He asked looking up from his phone to look at you, you looked away from the screen with a worried look on your face,

"Did you delete anything earlier?" You questioned trying to stay as calm as you could without kicking off at him because it wasn't his fault,

"No, I just closed a bunch of internet tabs. You know it'll make your computer run slow if you keep those up all the time." You groaned laying your head down on the table in front of you trying to think of some way to recover everything he'd closed.

"What?" He questioned locking his phone and walking over to you and sitting down on the floor beside you and saw that you were tearing up,

"Jagi?" He asked but you lifted your head and wiped your face taking in a deep breath and trying to stay calm, Minho didn't know what he'd done so you couldn't get mad at him for it.

"It's nothing, I'll just see if I can find them." You mumbled looking through the deleted files but everything was gone since your computer did its own wiping system,

"What was it?" You didn't want to make him feel bad about something that he did by accident,

"You deleted my dance files, it's okay though I'll just reshoot everything." You told him shutting the laptop down and then going over to your dance room, you took one look inside and decided you would start filming tomorrow it was way too late to start filming them all now.

"I'll help you." He promised following behind you and began rubbing your shoulders kissing your cheek and promising himself he'd do anything to make up for deleting the files.

Changbin:

You'd been working on some songs with Chan for a while now and everything was starting to come into place, and you were starting to put vocals to it with the help from Chan and Seungmin who you were getting to sing for you because you weren't about that yet. Changbin hadn't known you'd been working on songs because you wanted it to be a surprise for him but it was about to be ruined because he'd just accidentally broke the USB that was containing everything you'd been working hard on for the last 2 months.

"Changbin?!" You called as you walked through the front door of your apartment, you were in a good mood since you'd just gotten a raise at work and Changbin didn't want to ruin that by showing you the broken USB so he hid it behind him and smiled at you but you knew that smile too well,

"I know that smile, that's your, 'I did something wrong but I don't know how to tell you' smile." He slowly pulled out the USB from behind him and you dropped your bag on the floor rushing over to him and look at it,

"Changbin? How?" You pulled it from his hand and took your laptop out to try and see if you could do anything,

"I was trying to use your laptop and I accidentally dropped it and the USB snapped." You groaned looking through the laptop for any signs of the broken USB being recognised but it was all gone, everything.

You called Chris after it happened to see if he had anything backed up and luckily for you, it was all backed up on a second USB stick for you sitting in his studio.

"What happened?"

"Changbin broke it by accident." You laughed looking over at Changbin who was staring at you with a guilty look on his face, you hung up on Chris and walked over to Changbin.

"I'm sorry, it was an accident." You shook your head sitting down beside him and snuggling your head onto his shoulder.

"It's fine, Chris has everything backed up for me." You whispered then telling him why you had been in such a good mood when you first walked into the apartment.

(Grr in tiny)

Hyunjin:

You were giving directions over the phone to Hyunjin, you were sitting in your office at work when you realised that you'd left your important work at home.

"Just email them over to me." You told him as you looked through the door, your boss was making his way over and if you didn't have the photographs you were most likely going to get fired for them being so late. You were already a week behind and you couldn't believe that you'd left them at home, you'd spent hours editing them to be perfect.

"The big red button?" Hyunjin asked and you assumed he meant the one that said send in your email so you told him yes, waiting patiently for the email but then you heard him yelling to himself.

"Hyunjin?" You called out looking at the phone to see if it had been disconnected but it hadn't.

"Hyunjin? What happened?" There was mumbling and shuffling on the other line and then you heard a thick Australian accent and you knew Felix was in the room now,

"Felix?!" The line went dead and you stared at the screen wondering what to do when it started calling back but with Han's number,

"Han? What's going on!?" You panicked looking over at your boss who was getting closer and closer to your office,

"He accidentally deleted them but Felix is trying to get them back." You stared out of the window wondering if you could jump out of it without breaking a leg, it was two floors high so chances of breaking a bone were high.

"Fuck. My boss is almost here." You whispered to Han who could tell how panicked you were and began to rush the boys into fixing it faster.

"Check your emails." You heard Felix call out and you opened your desktop looking through the emails and finding them sitting there.

"Felix I could kiss you right now!" You yelled looking at the photos and getting them ready for your boss to view them.

"Please don't." He called out, you hung up the phone and got ready for your boss who was standing at your door with a small smile on your face, ready to see what you had ready fro him.

Jisung:

The USB was sitting in two pieces in Jisung's hand and he didn't know what to do, you were due home any second from work and he didn't know how he was going to fix this or tell you that he'd just broken 4 years worth of book writing in one sitting, he little sat down without looking and broke the USB stick by accident. He knew how hard you'd been working on that book since you were spending every moment of your free time on it and he felt terrible, the door clicked open and he looked up to see you standing there holding takeout containers ready for your date night, your hands looked down at his and you saw the USB stick but instead of getting mad like he had expected you too you were calm about it and took the food out into the kitchen,

"You're not mad?" He questioned following you into the kitchen and showing you the USB, you looked up at him and kissed him on the cheek.

"Nope," He watched you walking around the kitchen in search for your plates.

"But it's broken..."

"Baby." You giggled turning to look at him and he looked as though he was the one going to cry, you wandered over to the other side of the kitchen opening a small drawer showing him 3 other USB sticks.

"I back it up every day." You told him taking the broken one from his hand and putting it into the bin,

"Plate food up, I need to pee." You giggled kissing him quickly and running off to the bathroom, Jisung relaxed instantly. Feeling better that you weren't mad at him for accidentally breaking something with so much work on it.

Felix:

You'd been spending weeks working on the home project for your mum, you'd found all the old VHS tapes of you and your family when you were younger and you were converting them all so they would be on a DVD instead of a VHS tape for everyone to view.

"I swear I've been working so hard my fingers are numb Chan, I don't know how you do this all the time." You said to Chan as he handed you some food, he'd come over to see you and Felix at your apartment and you were sitting at the dinner table together looking over at your laptop.

"What have you done so far?" You got it out and showed him what you'd been doing that day, you were on the tape of your brother.

"He's going to kill me, I'm keeping every embarrassing moment I can find on it." Felix came running into the room when he realised he was late for dinner, he'd been up in the shower for the last hour singing.

"What did I miss?" He slipped on the floor and knocked the table sending a drink flying over and spilling onto your laptop.

"NO!" You screamed out as you watched the screen fade to black and then Felix look guilty,

"Fuck." You cried out taking the laptop and trying to dry it out but it wasn't going to work, it was ruined.

"Baby I'm sorry-" You looked at Felix and he stopped talking, he could see how upset you were about it and he knew how hard you'd been working so he felt even worse.

"I'll help," You shook your head at him,

"No, it's fine...I'll- I'll figure something out." You whispered taking the laptop and putting it on the table and staring at it.

"I'll see if I can air it out," Chan added looking at it and wondering how he was going to manage it but you were already on your phone looking at your contract to see what was covered under the warranty, Felix left the room going to get started on editing the video's he'd seen you starting with before.

Seungmin:

Lockdown was starting to get to you but your assignments were done and ready to be sent in for their due dates the only good thing about being on lockdown was that you were with your boyfriend Seungmin when everything was passed, meaning you got to spend more time in Korea with him so you were working from the dorms and staying with them. You'd become like a housewife, working on your assignment when they were at the studio and once your assignments were done you would clean up for them and cook for when they would come in.

"You're an angel, you know that?" Felix said as you laid a plate down in front of him, you laughed and shook your head at him and looked over at Seungmin who was looking guilty,

"What's up with him?" You questioned with a small laugh behind your voice, Felix shrugged.

"He's been weird since we got in," Jeongin mentioned as you placed food in front of him as well,

"You haven't told her yet have you?" Han asked looking between you and Seungmin but he was met by a death glare from Seungmin you sat down next to him.

"Tell me what?" You questioned him but he stayed silent not wanting to bring it up at the dinner table but it was him or Han that was going to.

"I accidentally deleted four of your assignments." You dropped the fork that was in your hand and everyone stared up at you, even Chan who was getting ready to go back to the studio again.

"You what?" You asked looking at him and you could tell he was guilty about it, he took you out of the kitchen and towards his form room so he could explain everything and you told him it was fine. That you'd tried to get them back and if not you would rewrite everything again.

"You're not mad?" He asked taking your hand in his and running his thumb along your knuckles but you shook your head,

"I was ahead anyway, it's fine I'll just redo them if I have to." You reassured him but he still wasn't convinced about it, you kissed him on the cheek and told him to go and eat before the food went cold.

Jeongin:

Everything was ready to be sent off for your first job interview, you'd just gotten done with your skype interview and you were getting ready to send all of your art projects over to the interviewer who was waiting to view everything but nothing was where it was supposed to be on your laptop and you couldn't find any of the original files.

"Jeongin?" You called out picking up the laptop and carrying it through to the living room of the dorms to find him playing video games with Felix,

"Yeah?" He asked glancing at you and then back at the screen,

"Were you on my laptop today?" It was normally never a problem but once everything was gone it was starting to be a problem, he paused the game much to the disgust from Felix who looked up to see you. They could both see the panicked look on your face and Felix didn't know what to do about it, Jeongin got up and nodded at you.

"Yeah, why?"

"All my artwork is gone, the ones I needed for the interview, did you delete anything?" He shook his head and you sat on the floor putting the laptop on the table and double-checking that it wasn't there in case you missed something, but it was all gone.

"Don't you have it backed up?" Felix questioned and you shook your head at him,

"I broke the back up USB and I'm fucked if I don't get this in right now." You whispered looking at the screen, Jeongin asked what the folder was called and as soon as he heard the name and he felt awful.

"I may have accidentally, deleted it." You stared at him and Felix backed out of the room not wanting to be there for the discussion that was going to happen,

"How?" Jeongin took the laptop from your hands and began to look through the files on everything that was deleted earlier.

"You told me to clean it all up and I thought it was one of my folders. I'm so sorry." He continued to search for them and he finally found them in the recently deleted section, recovering it all and helping you send it to your interviewer.

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penguintransporter · 4 years ago

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Every You, Every Me (a Leon Goretzka story) chapter II

I know it’s been a while, but I re-wrote this part maybe seven, eight times, only to settle on something completely different. Hope you like it, and I apologise if it is a bit too long (you know me). Tell me what you think about it, every heart, message, and reblog means much more than you can imagine. It needs some editing, but I will get around to do it sometime later.

Part I

Sofie rested her hands on her waist, overlooking the mountain of clothes piled on her bed — different shapes, colours, patterns and prints, interlacing and weaving in an incomprehensible bundle on top of her comforter. She didn’t know where to start, and for a moment, she wished she could wipe it away with a snap of her fingers, and be over with it.

She was tired after having a sleepless night, and she was hungry, but she had been putting it off for too long, and she knew it had to be done.

Shaking her head a bit, Sofie picked up a pair of black, over-the-knee boots from the top of the pile — the soft leather feeling smooth against the skin of her fingertips. She remembered the day when she bought them, matching them with a strappy top and a mid-calf, satin skirt — cashing out the last cents of her scholarship money in the outfit, hoping to catch his eye.

The confidence she felt when she made her way through the crowd in the outfit she couldn’t afford and with her makeup and hair immaculately done, trying to fit in with the people he invited to his birthday party — it all felt ridiculous and a bit childish in retrospective. The glances they shared across the room, the smile on his face when he opened the present she got him, the random touch of his fingertips against her bare back when he guided her to the bar, and the clearest of them all, the bitter taste in her mouth when he left with Yvonne — the girl he ended up dating for the next six months.

As she watched his figure walk out with his strong arm around the pretty blonde in luxurious dress, Sofie knew that the best thing would be to just give up, as any sane person in her place would, but she just couldn’t bring herself to listen to her brain. Instead, she booked a hairdresser the next morning, dyeing her hair in lighter colour and waited for him to notice it, feeding on the crumbs of his attention and sticking to it like a moth to the flame.

Yet, she was blind, diving deep into the pit of unrequited love, shedding the layers of her real self along the way, not thinking about consequences or the future.

Sofie breathed out a sigh before lifting up a dress from her bed — short and covered in sequins, and she couldn’t help but narrow her eyes at the mere thought of owning it, let alone wearing it. There was nothing wrong with the dress itself, but the cut, length and style of it, it was all, but something she felt comfortable wearing. Folding it gingerly, she glanced back at the clothes in front of her — realisation of how much she had changed herself for Leon hitting her like a train.

Sofie knew better than that.

Sofie was about to throw the dress behind her, in the same pile with her overpriced boots when her phone buzzed loudly on her dresser, startling her. Dropping it back on the pile, Sofie made her way towards the device that was hidden among one too many notebooks and course books resting on the IKEA piece before picking it up and smiling at the name written across the screen.

“You actually did it!” Elle screamed from the other side of the line causing the other girl to twist her lips and move her phone away from her ear for a second. If there was one distinctive separating the two of them, it was the different levels of their loudness at any given moment. “Turn the fucking camera on, and let me see it!” her best friend demanded — her voice still too loud for Sofie’s or anyone's comfort.

“Language,” Sofie laughed, fumbling with her phone, “you are not on the pitch, Ellenore.” Sofie finally turned on the front camera, pulling a face at Elle as her friend squealed with happiness upon seeing her hair, or rather lack of it. “I guess you like it then,” Sofie muttered, patting the top of her head, feeling slightly embarrassed with the attention she was getting.

“I love it,” Elle breathed out. “I was worried at first when you texted, but you have one sexy head, Sofie. How does it feel? Naked?”

“Light and cold,” Sofie responded with a shake of her head, “almost had a heart attack when I woke up yesterday morning and saw myself in the mirror.”

Elle laughed softly, adjusting her large bag across her shoulders as she walked along the small street that led to her apartment block - the red jacket with the Bayern Munich logo zipped all the way to her chin.

“What’s the mess about?” Elle changed the topic, making Sofie turn her head away to look at the clothes and shoes strewn across her bed.

“I’ve been—” Sofie paused to make herself some space before sitting down at the foot of her bed, “decluttering. Or something like that.”

Elle’s face dropped for a second, but she quickly masked it with a supporting grin that Sofie more than appreciated. If anyone knew about the heartbreak and the identity crisis that Sofie was going through, it was Elle.

“Are you getting rid of everything?” Elle asked. “Will you sell it or give away?”

“I don’t know what to do with it yet, but I know that it has to go,” Sofie admitted. She felt the tears glaze her vision, but she quickly gave Elle a small smile, trying to stop herself from being too pathetic. “I’ve made such a mess out of my life, Elle,” she paused, giving herself a moment to bite back her tears, “I could have travelled half of the world with the money I spent on frills and sequins, and I hate frills and sequins.”

“I think you are being too hard on yourself, Sofie,” Elle said as Sofie stretched her legs in front of her, “and travelling half of the world is more expensive than you think. Unless you are someone who is comfortable wearing the same harem pants and baja hoodie for more than two and showering once a week,” she added with an innocent smile, and Sofie couldn’t help but smile back at her.

“I am just disappointed that I let myself go this far,” Sofie admitted, focusing on the slippers on her feet - soft material worn out and discoloured. “Plenty fish in the sea, and I was pulling on the biggest catch. How silly of me.”

Elle was quiet as Sofie got up, making her way out of the room and towards the kitchen, closing the doors behind her. One thing was keeping herself busy with it, and completely different to stare at it and do nothing.

“Did you talk to him? Or Serge? They are back from Trentino, or at least that’s what I’ve heard from the girls at the training.” Elle stopped to unlock her apartment doors.

Despite seeing that Elle was concentrating on twisting the locks, Sofie nodded, pouring some of the juice from the container into her glass. “I had a missed call from Leon on Tuesday,” she took a small sip of her drink, relishing the coolness trickling down her throat, “and I called back. I know I shouldn’t have,” Sofie whispered, rubbing at her eye with her free hand, placing her glass at the edge of the sink, “but he didn’t mention anything about coming back early. Then again, I didn’t ask either, maybe I should have. And why am I being so pathetic, it's not like we had something going on? It was me running after him...”

“Sofie,” Elle sighed quietly — her voice careful, “I know it’s not easy to deal with the heartbreak, and you shouldn’t keep it inside. I am here, you know that?”

Sofie nodded, trying to ignore the feeling of emptiness in her stomach despite the juice. “Yeah,” she answered slowly, “but, I hav—” Sofie stopped, running her hand across the top of her head, finding comfort in the simple action of touching it. “How was your training session?” she asked, changing the subject clumsily as the doorbell rang out throughout her apartment. Sofie’s stomach grumbled at the mere thought of eating lunch soon.

“Did you order food?” Elle smirked, “sushi? Noodles?”

“Indian actually,” Sofie replied, walking towards the doors through the small hallway before unlocking the massive doors, only to stop in her tracks — the smile she had prepared for the delivery person faltering as quickly as it appeared.

“You know, Serge,” Sofie grinned as she twirled the last remaining of her already cold tea in her cup, “staring at me won’t make it grow back any faster,” she spoke, downing the leftovers of her drink while grinning at her friend over the lip of her mug. He only laughed in response, and Sofie rolled her eyes playfully before glancing briefly at Leon.

Ever since Sofie welcomed them in her apartment, Leon had been acting strange, quietly sitting at the edge of her couch — leg bouncing as he glanced at his phone every few seconds. He wasn’t as talkative as Serge most of the time, but having him say only few words was not a common thing. Sofie felt that there was something on his mind, and that he was going through something, but she didn't know how to approach him without being too noisy.

“I wasn’t staring at all,” Serge replied, still grinning, “and if I did, it’s because it looks really good.”

“Do girls drop their panties for you all the time, Gnabry?” Sofie asked, sarcastically. “Your charm is amazing.”

“I am being honest here,” Serge clarified, trying to contain his laughter, “it does look good. Right?” he admitted, looking towards Leon, but his friend ignored him — eyes still trained on the shiny device. Serge smiled in disbelief, glancing at Sofie with a goofy face before leaning closer to his friend and teammate, nudging him with his knee, “Leon? I am talking to you. Are you even here?”

“Hmm? What?” Leon suddenly asked, looking up from his phone, startled at the sound and motion coming from his left. “Did you say something?”

“Sofie’s new haircut. It looks good, no?” Serge repeated, much slower, stretching out every syllable for the confused German.

“Yeah,” Leon started, giving Sofie a long stare which made her heartbeat accelerate, “yeah, it does,” he repeated somewhat quieter, glancing at his phone again for a millisecond. “Can I make some fresh coffee, Sofie? I feel like some coffee?” he asked suddenly— eyes never leaving hers, and for some reason Sofie felt scrutinized under his gaze.

Sofie was a bit confused with the urgency in his voice, but nodded quickly, watching him get up and straighten his dark jeans in a hurry and putting his phone in the back pocket. He gave her a small smile in response before moving around the coffee table and walking out of the room, not looking back when Serge commented something that Sofie didn’t catch. There was a strange feeling inside of her stomach as she watched him walk out, before she leaned forward in her seat, giving Serge a quizzical look on which he only shrugged with his shoulders.

“I’ll go and check,” she whispered, getting up as well, and quickly following Leon into the kitchen.

He was resting his large hands against the counter, watching Sofie’s cheap coffee machine drip the liquid in the large container. In the small space of her kitchen, crammed with the table, uncomfortable chairs, and way too many plants and random knick-knacks, Leon’s physique was overwhelming. Sofie stood in the doorway, quietly observing him, and nervously bringing her hands together, unwilling to speak out and ruin his peace.

“You’ve been really quiet,” she finally said, moving away from the doorway and stepping inside the room and beside him. She wasn’t the shortest girl out there, but he was still towering over her, especially now that she was only wearing her slippers.

Leon briefly glanced at her — his eyes moving from her eyes to her hair, and down to her lips for a split of a second before looking back at the coffee machine again, making her heart soar. Up close, she could see the fine smile lines around his eyes and lips. He was beautiful.

“I didn’t sleep well,” he answered quietly, rubbing at the stubble along his chin, “didn’t help that Serge chatted my ear off on our flight back to Munich either. He sat with Hummels, but he shooed him over to my seat,” he added, giving her a small, one-sided grin.

Sofie smiled as well, turning around and leaning against the sink — the aluminium chilling her back through her worn-out tee. “He’s got enough energy for the entire squad, no?”

“Indeed he does.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of them, and the only sound was the coffee machine loudly filtering the bitter liquid in the scratched pot. Sofie took a deep breath as she stared in front of herself, focusing on the rotting banana in her fruit basket on the dining table, and before she could stop herself, the words that she was supposed to suppress and keep inside, left her mouth.

“If you want, you can stay and take a nap on the sofa as usual,” she suggested, and almost instantly regretted it. She had created a list of unwritten rules that were supposed to help her get over Leon, and offering him couch to nap on was not one of them.

“Thanks, but I think I will head out whenever Serge makes a move,” Leon quickly answered, and Sofie felt a pinch at her heart. “You seem busy too.”

“As you wish,” she nodded, moving away from the sink as she watched him pour himself a large cup of coffee, dropping a cube of brown sugar in it before taking a small sip. “You sure you’re okay, Leon?” she asked again.

“Yeah, all is fine, don’t worry,” he smiled, giving her another long stare, and under his gaze she yet felt naked and exposed. “Shall we go out for dinner tomorrow evening? Would be nice to catch up. It’s been a while,” Leon asked as she was about to walk out of her kitchen and back to where Serge was sitting, but stopped in her tracks upon hearing Leon’s voice behind her.

Sofie took a hesitant breath — her heart starting to beat faster in her chest, but she still managed to smile when she turned around, giving him a small nod. “Sure. Sounds like a plan.”

Wrong answer, Sofie.

Wrong answer.

tags:

@footballerimaginess, @littlebitofbluelittlebitofcoffee, @jordanspetkovics, @disneydaddyevans

If there is someone I forgot to tag, please let me know.

#leon goretzka #bayern munich #football fanfiction #footballer fanfiction #footballer oneshot #leon goretzka imagine #leon goretzka fanfiction #leon goretzka oneshot

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scripttorture · 5 years ago

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Torture and World Building: Avoiding Unfortunate Implications

This started out as one masterpost and then I realised it was a monster even by my standards so I’ve split it into three.

First I’m going to talk about details in stories that can suggest (or state) that torture is happening when that isn’t the author’s intent. In the next post I’m going to try and talk about the ways genres commonly use tropes that are (or are close to) torture apologia.

After that I’m going to talk about how the details in fictional torture and abuse scenarios can add to the world you’re creating.

Carefully considered details can really add to the story and the world that’s being created, while poorly thought through details can end up implying things the writer didn’t intend.

So what are some common details that might be implying torture when you didn’t intend to?

Settings and Groups

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

There's an off shoot or splinter group of a major faction holed up in a remote region, usually an inhospitable one. They have almost no oversight and seem more or less self sufficient. They have little respect for outsiders and pride themselves on their toughness, independence and ability to ‘get the hard jobs done’. They may have a maverick commander who 'bends the rules'.

They have a rigid hierarchy, usually one the hero doesn't fit into forcing them to prove themselves worthy. They’re unwelcoming and mostly respect displays of strength, which almost always means violence. They regard their enemies with contempt and disdain.

They seem both physically and culturally separate to the mainstream which they regard with disdain. They don’t have much time for rules or regulations or ‘going by the book’. They see it as a waste of time and a sign of soft bureaucrats who don’t know how to do the work.

They’re prone to sudden mood swings or outbursts of aggression.

I can think of dozens of examples of this sort of setting and these sorts of characters/sub-cultures in fiction. I don't think writers realise just how much it looks like a group of torturers.

Especially when it’s within a larger military or policing organisation.

Oversight is important. Accountability is important. And any armed violent group that rejects and belittles the idea of either probably has a reason for doing so.

Combining this with a remote region sends the message that there isn’t any oversight or accountability for this group. An inhospitable region, such as desert or a remote island, doesn’t just isolate the group. It also isolates any one they’re responsible for.

In reality setting up barracks or prisons in remote regions, tundra, deserts, tiny islands, has been used to quietly get rid of people. It prevents communication with the outside world. It cuts off access to support.

It makes it more likely that anyone attempting to escape will die. And their story will die with them.

The sub-cultures torturers tend to form are insular. They demand that the people they bring in ‘prove themselves’, generally by participating in abusive or otherwise violent acts.

They pride themselves on their toughness and independence. They tell themselves that they know better then the rules and their ‘gut instincts’ are worth more then evidence. They have a tendency to belittle anyone who isn’t a torturer.

They definitely don’t regard their enemies or prisoners as people worthy of respect.

And none of these features in a setting or group are necessarily ‘bad’ things to have in a story. But mixed together they can imply torture.

Which paints these ‘mavericks’ in a rather different light.

Characters

One of the most important things when you’re writing torture or abuse is to appreciate what you’re writing and treat it accordingly.

And a lot of authors don’t seem to realise when they’re writing torturers.

As an example let’s briefly consider one of the most hated torturers in modern children’s fiction. A government official, who uses her position of authority in a school to inflict painful punishments on children. Despite the obvious, scarring nature of some of these punishments she avoids being held accountable because of her government position.

I’m talking about Dolores Umbridge from the Harry Potter series.

I brought her up because discussions of the series often treat her as a ‘bully’, on par with Harry’s abusive peers.

Torture is defined as an intentional, painful act inflicted by a government official for one of the following reasons:

Punishment

An attempt to obtain information

An attempt to force a confession

Intimidation

Think about what you’re writing and what the characters you write do.

An abusive character in a position of power is not equivalent to an abusive peer. A person in a position of authority can do much more harm to a larger number of people then a private individual could.

Police brutality is torture. Corporal punishment in a military or prison context is torture. Painful intimidation tactics in a government hospital or mental institution are torture. And so is corporal punishment in a school.

Consider how bad you want your villainous characters to be. Be honest about what they’re doing and the severity of their crimes.

Fantasy Violence

There’s nothing wrong with cartoonish violence or making the decision to show violence as less harmful then it actually is in your story. Fairy tales where people fall from towers and are unharmed by the fall but blinded by the thorns or shows where characters are crushed by anvils and spring up again dazed but unhurt are not sending the message that assault is harmless. Because these sorts of stories create a consistent setting where the audience accepts that injury and pain don't work the way they do in the real world.

And the key thing there really is consistency. There's nothing wrong with having your story follow rules that don't match with the real world. The problem comes when creators switch back and forth, treating some acts of violence seriously and others as harmless or a joke.

Usually this is an honest mistake. A lot of creators really don't know how damaging the thing they're writing is. They think they're telling a realistic story. It's important to question what you write and double check things when you're not sure. And by sure I mean 'found this injury/symptom pattern confirmed by several reliable sources'.

It’s especially important when we're talking 'clean' (ie non-scarring) attacks because the damage these do is regularly downplayed and underestimated both in fiction and (more importantly) in reality.

These kinds of problems can also come up because of a lack of consistency in the narrative generally. Sometimes you're not quite sure where you want the story to go when you start so the tone and nature of the thing changes as you write. This is a natural part of the process for some writers.

If that’s how you write take the time to go back and check that you have a consistent story. Edit earlier chapters so that things line up.

Think your descriptions, plot and the world you’ve created. Think about what kind of atmosphere you want to create and what kind of world/rules you're trying to establish. And don't be afraid to experiment or edit in order to get something closer to the story you want.

A lot of this boils down to thinking about what you’re writing and what it can imply. It’s a learning process and it gets easier with practice.

If your unsure what torture is like in reality or how to recognise torture apologia I have a post for getting started over here. You can find research tips over here and sources over here.

And if you have any questions I’m here to help :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

#writing advice #tw torture #writing torture #masterpost #unfortunate implications #torture apologia #writing torturers #behaviour of torturers #worldbuilding

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mbti-ramblings-and-whatnot · 4 years ago

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Trying to type characters from books y’all probably don’t recognise

Or you do know them, in which case outside opinions are helpful :) Even if you don’t know the series, I’ll try to give some examples and explain my reasonings so you can correct me if I’m wrong on definitions or if I’m interpreting things in a not so correct way

Today’s edition: The Mysterious Benedict Society I’ll just be typing the main 4 characters

**beware, spoilers may/will be present**

Reynard Muldoon: INTJ

Throw away the stereotypes because Reynie is seriously such a sweet kid, he’s never cold and unfeeling. And yet, he’s still insanely logical, so don’t go telling me he’s a feeler.

Whilst trying to type Reynie, there were several problems I encountered. The biggest of which being whether he had Ni or Ti in his top two functions. The reason Ti came to mind is because Reynie’s often asking lots of questions and trying to figure out “why?”. I know that everyone can ask questions, but one of the defining characteristics of Ti is that it wants to understand things, which often leads it to asking a lot of questions about “why?”. He’s definitely highly logical (which led me to call him a thinker), and Ti seemed (at first) like it made sense. However, if he had Ti in one of his top two functions, he would be a Perciever. And my boy Reynie is anything but. He’s the one everyone looks to when they need a plan. He’s the one who comes up with all the plans. He feels extremely uncomfortable when he doesn’t have a plan. I may not be comfortable with anything else I’ve called him, but I know he’s a judger. So, if he’s a thinker and a judger, he has to have Te. That’s just how that works. Although I see lots of Ti in him, he just isn’t a perceived, and Te does make a fair amount of sense. Then, with that problem out of the way, I didn’t even have to worry about dealing with Ni. I know he’s very perceptive to patterns, which can be seen in a scene very early in the first book. He’s taking a test that had been advertised in the paper for gifted children. If I’m not mistaken, he’s the only one who figured out that all of the answers to all of the questions were inside the questions themselves. Qs 1-20’s answers were in Qs 21-40, and vice versa. Of course they were phrased in a way that you had to be paying attention to catch it, but they were still there. And he’s the only one who caught it. So either everyone sucks at picking up on patterns or he’s just got some really high Ni.

And so, the only part left to figure out is whether he’s a introvert or extravert. This kid spent most of his childhood before the setting of the book completely alienated by the other children in the orphanage, and he didn’t seem to mind it much. He was always happy just being able to be by himself in the library, reading a nice book by himself. Although he does greatly cherish his friendships as the novels progress, he still very much feels like an introvert to me, at least.

So, putting it all together, we get INTJ! Feel free to start friendly debates in the comments/reblogs/tags, I’m happy to hear anyone else’s thoughts if they think anything else! Just please keep it respectful!

Constance Contraire: ENTJ

Very similar to Reynie, I just realised… oh well.

I’m not so positive about much else, but Constance is pure Ni. Her level of Ni makes Reynie look like he wouldn’t be able to notice the pattern in a sequence of circle, square, circle, square, etc. I mean, oh my gosh… just… pure Ni right here. For those of you who are unaware, this book series is focused on the adventures of four children, all who are gifted in different ways. Constance, despite the fact that she advanced very quickly for her age (she was 2 in the first book (I think) and was still able to participate in extremely important ways to things that were going on), is essentially hypersensitive to patterns. Like, she could be in a room and someone could be walking quietly down the hallway and she’d know exactly who it was and where they were, just by picking up on sound or whatever it is. Her brain so effortlessly picks up on all sorts of patters without her even knowing it, which feels a ton like Ni to me. My only issue with this is she doesn’t feel like a judger, she doesn’t appear to me as someone who’d care much at all about organisation or plans, but Ni is dominant or auxiliary only for judgers, and I’m not going to argue with that.

The rest of what I have is only assumptions, and I’m open to hearing other opinions.

I think I heard somewhere (a Frank James video?) that, for example, people whose dominant function is a perceiving function (Ni, Ne, Si, Se) would more often come home from work or school or whatever and, when asked how their day went, they would talk more about the things that happened versus the people and interactions/whatever was going on with them, and the opposite for people whose dominant function is judging (Fi, Fe, Ti, Te). Constance, to me, feels like the kind of person who would come home (or wherever home was at the moment) and complain about how stupid everyone seemed all day and how dumb everything they did was. This would mean her dominant function would be her judging function, which would have to be extraverted if her other highest function is introverted. So she’d then be an extravert. You could also make the argument that if she were talking with Mr Benedict (someone she cares an insane amount about), for example, she’d talk about all the cool things she did. But, I still feel that in most scenarios this wouldn’t be the case, so I stand by what I decided on above. There’s even the argument where (completely ignoring everything I’ve said above, just focus on Exxx vs Ixxx right now) she lived alone in the storage room of a library for who knows how long (several weeks? months?). That definitely feels introverted to me, but it could also be irrationality and fear keeping her down there. I don’t know, other thoughts are helpful.

The last thing we need to figure out is whether she’s a feeler or thinker, or in other words whether she’s an Fe or Te dom. To me, Constance doesn’t seem to care much about what other people want. She’ll steal your ice cream when you aren’t looking, when you’re playing the steal/share game (I don’t feel like explaining it, so for your reference it is described in the first chapter of “The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner’s Dilemma” (aka the third book)) she’ll choose steal because she wants the other people (her friends) playing to have to suffer the consequences, she just doesn’t seem to care much about caring for others. So this would leave her being a thinker, which although I don’t think I’d necessarily call her logical, she is just a little kid and she really doesn’t feel like a feeler.

So, putting all that together, she’d be an ENTJ. Other opinions are welcome, I’d love to talk about it!

Kate Wetherall: ESFP

I wanted to call her an ESTP (and she might very well be one), but I’ll stick with ESFP for the purposes of my explanations

Total Se dom, I’m not even going to argue about that. She has insanely good spacial awareness and is very much a hands-on person. One of her special gifts is that, just by looking at something, even for just a moment, she can tell you exactly how long it is. No doubt about it, she’ll know. Once she was down in a storm drain (? I think it was a storm drain) to help a girl get the pencil she’d dropped down there. Despite the fact that it was probably super dark down there, she knew exactly how deep the crack the pencil feel down was. She’s high energy, always looking for adventure, very extraverted. I’m not sure what else to say, but man does she have high Se. At this point a lot of it’s just a feeling I get, but I trust it.

So, if she’s an Se-dom, she has to be an ESxP. The only two options from here on forth are ESTP and ESFP, and for some reason I’ve settled on ESFP. I don’t think she’s super logical, she sort of feels like a feeler… not sure…

I actually have no idea if she’s an F or T, so if any of you know the books, I’d appreciate some assistance!

George “Sticky” Washington: IxTx

No idea with this kid, I also haven’t thought too much about his… nothing seems to jump out to me as STICKY except for introvert… but that’s not much to go off of…

He doesn’t seem to be very social, he seems like he’d be perfectly happy to spend less time around people (aside from the three people above, they as a group are inseparable, it tears them apart inside to be apart from one another for too long).

I call him a thinker, but I wouldn’t argue if you called him a feeler.

I really have no clue with this kid, assistance would be appreciated!

So!

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winterandwords · 3 years ago

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My current writing process

If you’d asked me a couple of years ago, I would’ve told you I was a hardcore plotter. I did a bit of discovery writing at the beginning of a new project to get to know my characters, but once those people were in my head, I created a detailed outline and I stuck to it until the book was finished. Ask me now and I’ll tell you that’s how I wrote books I ended up not really liking.

I can’t get too annoyed with past-me for all that compulsive planning because that’s my approach to anything project-shaped. I plan and I schedule and I organise like I’m on the national efficiency team at the project management Olympics. I don’t mean I’m not flexible. I am. But I plan to be flexible. I have flexibility built into my system. And it works for absolutely everything, except writing. Which isn’t great, when you’re a writer.

I noticed “This book is sort of OK and I don’t hate it, but the seed of the story I actually wanted to tell is still buried in it” had become a theme in my creative life. I don’t count the first two novellas I wrote in this pattern because they were 100% learning experiences and while I think they’re OK-ish and I’m happy to have shared them online when I did, they definitely aren’t representative of what I write now.

The other four novels though. I basically spent four years writing the wrong books. Again, I don’t hate them and I’m glad I shared them when I did, but they’re a million miles from what I wanted to write and I didn’t even notice until after they were finished. I dug out the still-beating heart of one of them to use as the foundation of November Breaks and the other three, a trilogy, introduced me to a character whose story I wanted to tell in more detail (info about that coming up once I have a better grasp on what it’s going to look like).

I regret nothing. Those were still great outcomes. But I don’t want to have to write a whole book, or a whole series, to find the story I actually want to write and then start over again to do that. I found my current process about a year ago when I decided to take some time off all things internet-related, ignore all expectations (including my own) and allow myself to write the book I was writing the way I wanted to write it, however long that took.

I know. No deadlines. It was weird. But it was also good. I got into discovery writing in a way I’d never let myself experience before. The thought of just writing without knowing what came next used to terrify me and I’m still not sure I could write an entire book that way without stopping at some point to put everything into some kind of summarised order to refer to, but I was surprised at how well things flowed.

The book is finished, drafted, and has been through two rounds of editing now, so I feel like I can talk about the whole process at this point. The strangest part of the experience was reaching the end. I didn’t realise I was there until I was there. I kept trying to write, but nothing would come out. Then I took a short break, which usually helps, but I still couldn’t make more words happen. I was freaked out, so I spent a few days reading through the book as it stood to see if any revelations might happen.

The revelation that happened was understanding the book was complete already. I honestly would not have believed you if you told me that would be an occurrence in my life. No plan, no schedule, no deadlines, and the book still happened. While I was writing, it felt so much more intuitive and flowy than any other story I’ve worked on and I loved every second.

I also gave myself permission to dump or move parts I didn’t feel were working, and that made such a difference. Before, I would’ve been super stressed about that because it would throw my entire plan up in the air. With this book, it was fine. I approached it as a process of exploration and, because I had no deadlines, I didn’t feel like I was wasting time if I ended up scrapping a few pages or incorporating them into a different part of the book later.

Another new part of the process for me was not setting word-based goals. I kind of loved that because it was another step away from my usual hyper goal-based approach, but found I missed the obsessive component. I know it’s not good for me to indulge my obsessive tendencies too much. I know where that leads and we’re not going to get into that here, but trust me, I know it’s important to keep a handle on that. When I set a word-based goal for writing, I corral it into a specific period of time. This is why I love NaNoWriMo and Camp NaNoWriMo events. Yes, it’s a word-based goal, but it’s only for a month so I can arrange life around it (within reason) for a few weeks and plan a break for afterwards.

I’m aiming to focus on my new book for Camp NaNoWriMo in April and will be setting a very realistic goal. I don’t need that whole “challenge yourself to do more than you think you can” thing. I know I can write 50k words in two or three weeks, never mind a month. I also know I will obsess over doing it to the exclusion of everything else, including eating, sleeping and not being a complete asshole to everyone around me. I do not have a problem with achieving goals. I have a problem with remembering I’m a human being with mundane physical and emotional needs while I’m doing it.

I don’t want to get too into my Camp NaNo plan because it’s solid enough to talk much about yet and I’m definitely going to come back to it later, but I’m mentioning it now because it’s the first time since embracing discovery writing that I’ll be setting any kind of official goal, so it’ll be interesting to see how that goes.

That’s about as much as I can pin down my process right now. The more I write with this new sense of freedom and flexibility, the more I can see that the most significant part of my process is allowing my process to change.

#the shit in my head #writeblr #writeblr community #writer #writers #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #tumblr writers #writers community #writing #am writing #writing community #original writer #original writers

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darkhorse-javert · 5 years ago

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Happy Birthday Pauline

Happy Birthday, many happy returns and mazel tov @paulinedorchester

I made you a thing... Meta-fictiony based on your Andrew and Sam Headcanons. But it was your actual letters in your fic that gave it a physical form too. I hope you like it

Wierdly you have to right click and ‘View image’ for it to come up properly

Transcript:

“The Foyles of Hastings: An Appreciation

By Hannah James

To most passers-by the whitewashed bungalow with honeysuckle climbing the walls and a driftwood boarded front door is a pretty but unassuming, though it carries some of the charm of the nearby Old Town. Yet it is here, that I find one of Hastings’ most famous living sons and adopted daughter, for whom 2008 is a Red-Letter Year.

The warmth and sparkle in Mr Andrew Foyle’s eyes belie his recent 90 birthday as he and his wife Samantha ‘Call me Sam, I was only ever Samantha to my family or when I was in trouble’ (89) welcome me into their comfortable sitting room.

Hastings born, bred and raised Andrew Foyle is best known for his screenwriting, and novels. Sam, under her maiden name of Stewart, has been a regular contributor for this paper, the author of various historical biographical pieces, and screenwriter with her husband. However she is most commonly known for her memoir One Woman’s War, which itself celebrates its 10th Anniversary this year.

When I compliment them on the house they share a wry look and regale me with the story between them. “We moved somewhat under duress, the children pointed out that it was highly likely one of us would go topsy-turvey on some of those stairs one of those days.” Sam has an expression on her face which suggests she was not particularly willing to concede to this point. “Stewart stubbornness and Foyle tenacity, we’d have much better hope telling the sea to stop moving.”

“We knew they were right,... but it was a wrench to give the old place up.” The old place, as Andrew Foyle affectionately calls it, is 31 Steep Lane, in the Old Town, where he was raised and where the couple have spent much of their married life over the years. It was also on the very solid front steps than this enigmatic couple first met, in September 1940. Sam, then a driver in the MTC “Motorised Transport Corps”, arrived to collect DCS Christopher Foyle and Andrew answered the door.

Was it love at first sight? “Yes.” Andrew gives his wife a look of such fondness we should all be so lucky to receive. “I just took two years to actually realise what I was feeling.”

Sam meanwhile bursts out laughing at the question “Hardly!” She glances at Andrew “Oh you started out alright with ‘Hello’”

“Then I proceeded to open my mouth again, put both feet firmly in it and sink right up to my middle ala Doctor Gloucester…”

“Saying you didn’t expect a girl to be driving your father, especially ’such a pretty one.”

“You were - and are...Anyway you put me sharply back in my place I wished the floor would swallow me, especially when Dad appeared.”

Listening and watching them, it’s clear how these two have lasted so long together, mutual affection, respect and occasional teasing rolled together.

Discussing their meeting easily brings us onto the subject of the War itself, and in particular One Woman’s War, a title its author is mollified to now after ten years. Sam admits she is gratified by the reception it received, already becoming a key text in schools studying the War, noted for both its straightforwardness and it’s occasional humour.

“It’s good for the MTC to have recognition, even during the War we were seen as rather a poor cousin, they kept trying to disband us or move us to the A.T.S.” [The better known Auxiliary Territorial Service]

I ask her about the controversies over the books’ title and dedication, as well as her use of ‘girls’ in the text, which some have called biased

Her head comes up in spirited rejoinder “We were just girls, most of us. When I joined up I was 20 and still needed my father’s permission to do so, full majority was 21 in those days. Why they must make such a fuss over it?” She gets up and goes to one of the tables by the fireplace, bringing back a smartly framed photograph. A young woman in khaki uniform, recognisable as Sam, stands with two men, one short, one tall, both in long coats and Trilby hats of the 1940s “That’s us:” she points to each one “Me, Mr Foyle and Paul Milner, Sargent Milner as he was then, he became an Inspector after the war. They were the ones I worked with day in day out, through those years. The war changed me ...they changed me, taught me such a lot, especially Christopher.” There’s a soft moment of silence fondness and reflection as she looks at the photo. “That’s why they get the dedication, and Andrew because he kept nudging until I started writing.” Then she smiles, “Goodness Paul looks young, this can’t have been taken very long after I was assigned to Hastings.”

Her own favourite of her biographical pieces? “Amelia Earhart, because that was the first I did, when I found I had the knack, and because of her pluck. Or maybe Andrée de Jongh [leader of the Comet escape line during the War]… she saved so many. She was brave and bold right in the Nazi’s faces, at the risk of her own life. And I’m not just saying that because I married an RAF officer.”

Where to start with Andrew Foyle’s wide ranging, nearly seventy year long, library of work?

He laughs when I mention this predicament “Well, what’s your favourite? We’ll start there and work around to the others.” I confess, shyly, that it is the 1958 film Twilight of Blue. The film is set post-war, a ‘character study’ of a RAF officer coming to retirement. Andrew nods slowly, his eyes soft with thought and memory. “That’s one that I most wanted to be excellent… to capture the ends, not just the rigmarole of ‘well done old chap, good job, wonderful having you, excellent service, have a badge, enjoy your medals and your life’… but the thought pattern, the feelings there, loss, relief, confusion even. You have given most of your life to the service, your family has too, and now it is going to be your past. And where do you stand without it? How do you stand without it? Where do you go?...” The depth of feeling is clear in his voice “And I had to be good with it too, because there were a lot of chaps in that situation. I owed it to them to get it right. Especially to WingCo, Wing Commander Turner, it was for him, really. A tiny insignificant thank you for everything he did… If I’d got it wrong…” he shakes his head, “But I don’t think I did…”

He certainly didn’t if the reception of the film over the years is anything to go by. Twilight of Blue was a roaring success when it first came out, and while it isn’t one of the ‘Classic War Films’ of battles and victory, the very human story means it has aged well across the years.

Now noted for the depth of its characters, a fully remastered anniversary DVD came out on 15th September. Wryly Andrew informs me that it includes a commentary by himself “very strange to be watching it over again, recalling the writing of it, but also trying not to talk over my favourite bits.”

We shift somewhat from anniversaries and retrospective to something more present. Aged 90 he might be, Andrew has still been busy, writing scripts and consulting on the BBC adaptation of The Replacements, his first published novel, back in 1946. Unusually, it focused on the RAF at the tail of the Battle of Britain, and the years after,. The focus, Andrew admits was based on his own experience, “I joined the fighting squadron in Hastings in late September 1940, just after the big turning point against the Luftwaffe, then I got sent off to Malta long after the great battle for survival the history books know. I was a right Tail-end Charlie.”

Technically this is the second adaptation of the book, the first was a 1948 BBC film. When I mention this, some of the good cheer disappears from Andrew’s face, replaced by a stony expression and narrowed eyes. “I had no hand in that debacle, and I utterly disown it. I only thank goodness it wasn’t taped, or if it was that the tape was lost. It wasn’t an adaptation, it was a travesty, practically an insult.” He simmers, but I note that Sam has a wry smile on her face and she interjects, “We didn’t have a television in those days, few people did. So we went two doors up to watch it.” She glances at Andrew with a fond smile ,“I remember that as it played your smile dropped and your eyes got narrower and narrower, you were practically spitting rivets for the twenty yards home.”

“I very nearly wrote a scathing letter to the BBC refusing them anymore adaptation rights ever again. But someone disabled the typewriter, jammed the keys, and overnight I just decided that I’d have to have a hand in the next one.” He shrugs easily “Didn’t have a clue how it was done mind you… “ The rest, reader, is screenwriting history.

“There were two tiny good points.” The anger is all gone as Andrew looks at his wife “You got to be a W.A.A.F at last. And there were RAF crew as extras who could just do, they still had the knowledge, and a profusion of Spitfires.” There’s a rueful look on his face, “We’ve been having some trouble with that now.” He straightens in the chair, and there is a flash of an officer there still, “Not that I forgive it the heinous transgressions. This one will stick to the book, and to everything that the book was drawn from.” •

The Replacements will begin tomorrow on BBC1 at 9pm. Twilight of Blue: 50th Anniversary Edition is out now on DVD.

Pictures Credits:

Previous Page: MTC driver Sam Stewart DCS Christopher Foyle and Sargent Paul Milner of Hastings Constabulary 1940. © M.O.I. Above: Sam Stewart and Sqn Ldr Andrew Foyle together circa VE day 1945 © Anne Woods.”

#paulinedorchester headcanon #metafiction #metafanfiction #Foyle's War

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isoisolated · 5 years ago

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I have ADHD and it's not fun

29/12 edit: coming back to this post, I just wanted to add that at the time of writing, my adhd was unmedicated. Thought this might be good thing to note.

My friend Ondrej kept sending me articles and texts posts written by other adhd people (mostly adult males) that it finally pushed me to write my own, because even though I could relate to some minor and major parts, something always felt a bit of and also because ADHD is a condition that's been heavily ignored by medical professionals not only in adults, but especially in adult women, which is a group I sort of represent myself.

I could talk about this for ages, my therapist frequently tells me that I have this gift of intense self-analysis and immense passion to get it all sorted out once for all. I guess it's another way of saying I'm so hyperaware of my own existence and my brain simply latches onto it and constantly tries to solve its own problems.

If you do not care about my own personal history, just skip to second headline.

I was clueless for the first 20 years of my existence

Now, ADHD isn't the only thing that's been making me feel almost alien, I dare to say that my puberty years were mostly about developing and internalising bit of trauma and processes that do no good in later life.

I love music. And I mean I truly endlessly unconditionally love music. Being a daughter of music composer, I was 6 when I first asked my dad to show me where to press record in Logic Pro and told him to leave me alone while I recorded my first song. It was called Autumn is here and it sounded like something made by 6 years old.

I remember we were attending castings for TV shows or commercials and later I was told that it was me who initiated such trips and that I always wanted to be a part of such things. I don't remember initiating such things but I remember for sure that I was very shy and uncomfortable when I was supposed to show off.

I remember I was supposed to take piano lessons. And I was so baffled that I had to follow the book and play what's in the book, instead of playing thing I wanted. I think I told my parents after few lessons that I do not like it and was dropped outta it. This became a pattern, if I recall correctly.

But that's nothing out of ordinary, kids are harder to get focused and entertained. I remember two moments from elementary school where I was told by my classmates that I'm acting like I have ADHD and it got me real mad every time, because in my head ADHD looked like not paying attention in class, being body hyper and overall just annoying.

I could find a proof that I made myself first to-do list when I was 14. Since 14 I felt like I need more self control and self regulation, that I need to fit myself more into ambitions I had and have and in order to do that, I started making to-do lists with ambiguous tasks such as “work more on music” and “work-out”. It was also in during my great isolation era, I had no real life friends but one that I was seeing occasionally, I wasn't going out, I came from school on Friday afternoon and left my room on Monday morning. I was making friends online since I was 11 and lived mostly online.

At that time I also started figuring out what was wrong with me. Since ever I always felt a bit “off” compared to my peers, I always felt weird (and was told that thousand of times in my life), I always felt like I was thinking about things a bit differently and my humour was different and my hobbies were seen obscure by my classmates (even though they weren't obscure at all). I felt alone for most of my growing up and feelings of complete loneliness and detachment haunt me to this day, making me spiral.

I thought I might suffer from bipolar disorder, because I had high energy episodes and my emotions were so intense. I was crying almost everyday for both external and internal reasons, my head sometimes felt like too much and I found temporary peace in self-help books and esotericism.

I was around 17-18 when I realised all of this is bullshit and that no book can make me do things that I wanna do. I'd spent hours, days and months thinking about doing things, being crippled by this weird force that hold my body down, unable to do anything, no matter how much I wanted it. I'd beat myself up for it, thinking I was just so damn lazy and stupid and pretentious. I wanna be a popstar, a successful musician, I have to do all these things and if not, I'm gonna fail so much and my life will lose its meaning.

When I was 17, I released my first EP and for some reason, it found some attention and success, if we might call it that. Suddenly I felt on the right path, I was seen as a musician and also very young one. Even though I still was sad almost every day or had intense sadness episodes that could last for a week, it felt right and I couldn't wait to finish high school and become a full time musician.

I'd produce music in unplanned episodes of total focus, where I would sit and do things for hours straight, without eating. My most favorite songs were made during 6-8 hour sessions and it felt amazing. I couldn't bring myself to produce music if I hadn't the right vibe or idea for it.

It was around that time this woman texted me, saying she wants to be my manager and that she really likes my music. It felt so unreal but here I am, with my own professional manager, on my way to be the most amazing music person.

I'd crush on people (and mostly boys and men) constantly, it was also very episodic, could last for days to month where I'd had nothing on my mind but them, drowned in daydreaming and just imagining things and also letting them know all of that. It was magical but it was fleeting. It still is. But it is the greatest inspiration, where I feel so much emotions it makes me see things and then I can transform them into music.

But there was still something wrong with me, I was very emotional, still struggling with making my routines work, I'd come up with new plans and schedules every week just to fail them the day after. It was exhausting and I saw nothing alike in my world too, I was alone and my experience was just not enough will power.

I could get mad so easily, I'd clench my fists and was so close to punching someone and when I hated someone I hated them with immense passion and spent hours just imagining myself confronting them. I was so mad all the time on background too and even slightest thing would put me in classic rage mode.

I have problems remembering dates and names, I'm bad at remembering people's faces, I'm bad at learning things by myself even though I have interest in them. I'm bad at making routine for myself and actually following it.

I finished high school and planned to go study abroad but it turned out it isn't what I want so I came back and started looking for a job. Around that time I met my now best friend and thanks to him I actually started thinking even harder what might be wrong with me, so I looked up ADHD. And didn't believe that at all. I wasn't like this, was I?

Then, the summer came and I met my friend (and also a fan) while being out for a beer. We chatted, had a great time and then told me I kinda am like a person with ADD. I was confused because I didn't recall what that does mean, later I remembered it's another (and outdated) term for ADHD, but it's the “quiet type”, where the hype happens mostly inside and doesn't manifest outside that much. So I started researching once again, because I trusted him and it was that one push I needed.

It's been year since that moment and it took me months to accept that I might suffer from ADHD and to this day I still have feelings of impostor syndrome, making it all harder for myself just like that, to be more interesting for myself. I still yet have to accept this.

I was transitioning into adulthood and yet had actual emotional breakdowns, I was crying and my heart was aching and I couldn't bring myself to do things I want, to learn more about music production, to learn how to sing better, to learn my favorite k-pop choreos, to work-out, to embody my own vision of who I want to be. With music, I am my own boss and it's the worst.

Covid-19 hit our country and here came the first lockdown. It pushed me over the edge and I felt like I was losing all of my friends, I felt those feelings of loneliness and weirdness again, I felt like nobody knows what's wrong because I don't have it as bad as others, I was hurting so much my body was shaking and twisting. I decided to try medication, even though I told my psychiatrist I don't want to, I just felt like I cannot be like this anymore, it's too much pain and no matter how much I try, I can't make it better, I can't make it work.

I started taking Strattera and after month or two, I saw it working. A bit, I could focus better and bring myself to do things more and more frequently, and if I had these weird emotional meltdowns, they weren't as intense as before. This serves me as ultimate proof that I am not making this up, because if I were, the medication wouldn't work and make me feel better, right?

So, what am I doing now?

I'm still a huge mess and I cannot see myself in a better light. Even though I have job that I perform at at stable rate, even though I have just a little problem cooking for myself, even though I have no troubles falling asleep, even though I can enjoy things greatly when those high energy waves hit me.

I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of myself not being able to do anything again. I ignore my manager because I already know I have nothing else to say than “I cannot bring myself to do things and you know that, I'm sorry for being a constant failure.” When people compliment me, I thank them but deep inside I don't accept it.

I have unreleased and WIP songs I can see never being released, ever. When I listen to music from my favorite artists, I can also feel the pain from the fact that I'm not like them and that I probably won't ever be, because my brain sabotages me every damn time.

From the very moment I wake up to the very moment I fall asleep, there's music playing in my head. I don't choose what's playing, sometimes it's song I don't even like and yet it's stuck on loop. I talk with my therapist in my head, I'm having weird flashbacks in my head to my memories, I'm having “you should do X right now” and “why aren't you doing Y” stuck on loop too. This all is happening at once, every moment I'm awake, even when I'm talking with people. It's exhausting.

I'm bored most of the time, I have interesting books in my bookshelf and still cannot read them because I have to reread paragraphs in order to actually understand them. And even then, I find my mind wandering again. I have problems with long texts and long tutorials.

I get frustrated easily, my head is overflowing with ideas I can't act on. I'm living in weird worlds I made up for myself, and then reality hits me.

I had my first depressive episode few months ago. I felt like nothing matters, that I don't matter, I felt nothing and emptiness, I crawled up in bed and was mindlessly watching youtube videos. I didn't want to eat or drink, I wanted to not exist at all. That episode passed but it was my first encounter with actual depressive state and I know I can slip into it more easily now, it simply developed along the way, after 21 years without acknowledging that I have problems and I struggle.

People don't understand the struggle, when talking to them about my problems, it's like talking to an automated assistant, coming up with phrases like “Did you try yoga?” “everyone struggles sometime” “you cannot accomplish everything”. They say they wanna listen and help until they don't.

I have a mental graveyard for ideas I won't ever finish, no matter how good they are, because my brain won't let me. Proper medication would help, therapy also helps but I can't talk myself out of actual executive dysfunction.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, our brains are literally underdeveloped in some areas and wired differently. Our emotions lack regulation normal people have and our motivation is fragile. This can't be changed with yoga, this cannot be solved by trying more. Not to even mention, capitalist society is especially damaging to neurodivergent people (and not only them, of course).

While on this journey, I am still meeting more and more people having same struggles like me, finding people who understand you is the best thing to battle impostor syndrome. Sometimes I can't help them and sometimes they can't help me, but it's okay, because we know we understand each other and if I wanna complain and vent, we can do so without having to explain this condition over and over.

And I hope that someone finds this relatable too, because as a woman I know my group isn't represented enough. We are not children, nor adult males, we need more attention and more support, from both healthcare system and each other.

While doing this, I hope to get myself proper medication and continue doing what I love the most - music. I don't love anything else more than that. I hope to get rid of “all or nothing” mindset, I hope to be more consistent, I hope my music will reach its listeners and fans. I still have enough time, I think, even though my sense of time is neurologically altered.

#adhd #actually adhd

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alltimebestbooks · 5 years ago

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Top 10 Books Must Read Today Generation

1. The Rudest Book Ever by Shwetabh Gangwar

Shwetabh Gangwar is a professional problem-solver—and he’s ace at it. For the past five years, people from all over the world have contacted him with their troubles and he’s worked these out for them.

In the process, he has picked up on a simple pattern: people need a set of principles and perspectives to protect them from all the unnecessary bullshit they go through. Codes to live by, essentially.

But be warned: Gangwar has no desire to spare your feelings. What you will find in this straight-forward, straight-talking, no-craps-given guide, is:

How to deal with rejections of all kinds

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Laying out clear principles, YouTube megastar Gangwar shows you how to deal with the shit that has happened to you, is happening to you and will happen to you.

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Have you often wondered, "What's wrong with this younger generation?" Or, "Why are these younger workers so lazy?" How about this one, "How do I get these Millennials to work harder?" If you still think that you can change the Millennials to make them fit into your business model, you, my friend, are wrong. We have to think on a bigger scale, and answer the question "How can we use this generation's strengths to make our business better?" In this minibook instead of trying to find ways to get this generation to stop acting the way they do, we figure out ways to inspire them to work harder no matter how they act. The tips and tricks in this book not only work for Millennials but can be used to inspire others in your employ as well. Put these ideas and beliefs into practice quickly and thoroughly, and watch your business grow not just fiscally but in emotional bonds as well. Your staff won't just respect you, they will follow you! The best way to read the book is with your current business trends and office staff in mind.

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Immerse yourself in book 2 of the Ram Chandra series, based on the Ramayana, the story of Lady Sita, written by the multi-million bestselling Indian Author Amish; the author who has transformed Indian Fiction with his unique combination of mystery, mythology, religious symbolism and philosophy. In this book, you will follow Lady Sita's journey from an Adopted Child to the Prime Minister to finding her true calling. You will find all the familiar characters you have heard of, like Lord Ram and Lord Lakshman and see more of Lord Hanuman and many others from Mithila. You will also start discovering the true purpose of the Vayuputras and Malayaputras and their conflicting ideologies that leads to plot twists, politics and intrigue as they try to influence outcomes from behind the scenes.

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India is beset with divisions, resentment and poverty. The people hate their rulers. They despise their corrupt and selfish elite. Chaos is just one spark away. Outsiders exploit these divisions. Raavan, the demon king of Lanka, grows increasingly powerful, sinking his fangs deeper into the hapless Sapt Sindhu.

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This is the second book in the Ram Chandra Series. A sequel that takes you back. Back before the beginning.

7. The 5 AM Club: Own Your Morning, Elevate Your Life

Part manifesto for mastery, part playbook for genius-grade productivity and part companion for a life lived beautifully, the 5 am club is a work that will transform your life. Forever.

Legendary leadership and elite performance expert Robin Sharma introduced The 5 AM Club concept over twenty years ago, based on a revolutionary morning routine that has helped his clients maximize their productivity, activate their best health and bulletproof their serenity in this age of overwhelming complexity.

Now, in this life-changing book, handcrafted by the author over a rigorous four year period, you will discover the early-rising habit that has helped so many accomplish epic results while upgrading their happiness, helpfulness and feelings of aliveness.

Through an enchanting—and often amusing—story about two struggling strangers who meet an eccentric tycoon who becomes their secret mentor, The 5 AM Club will walk you through:

How great geniuses, business titans and the world’s wisest people start their mornings to produce astonishing achievements

A little-known formula you can use instantly to wake up early feeling inspired, focused and flooded with a fiery drive to get the most out of each day

A step-by-step method to protect the quietest hours of daybreak so you have time for exercise, self-renewal and personal growth

A neuroscience-based practice proven to help make it easy to rise while most people are sleeping, giving you precious time for yourself to think, express your creativity and begin the day peacefully instead of being rushed

“Insider-only” tactics to defend your gifts, talents and dreams against digital distraction and trivial diversions so you enjoy fortune, influence and a magnificent impact on the world

8. Mahatma Gandhi Autobiography: The Story Of My Experiments With Truth

This unusual autobiography “The Story of My Experiments with Truth”, is a window to the workings of Mahatma Gandhi’s mind – a window to the emotions of his heart – a window to understanding what drove this seemingly ordinary man to the heights of being the father of a nation – India. Starting with his days as a boy, Gandhi takes one through his trials and turmoils and situations that moulded his philosophy of life – going through child marriage, his studies in England, practicing Law in South Africa – and his Satyagraha there – to the early beginnings of the Independence movement in India. He did not aim to write an autobiography but rather share the experience of his various experiments with truth to arrive at what he perceived as Absolute Truth – the ideal of his struggle against racism, violence and colonialism.

9. How to Enjoy Your Life and Your Job

If you are not satisfied with your job and often struggle to achieve a work-life balance, you’ve picked the right book! “Count your blessings—not your troubles!” From ways to finding peace and happiness to insights on how to deal with people and make them like you at once, this book introduces good working habits and includes valuable advice on how to drive away the fatigue-producing boredom. With suggestions on how to relax and churn out the most of oneself and bring a sense of fulfilment, harmony and purpose, Dale Carnegie’s classic bestseller, How to Enjoy your Life and your Job, continues to help people reassess their approach to life, people and job and also helps them discover their strengths and talents.

10. Yoga and Stress Management

Yoga & stress management is a therapeutic guide for those dealing with mental and physical stress, as well as a reference book for healthy living. Although urban work culture has greatly improved the individual economic status, it has grossly diminished br Nature’s endowments. While modern psychology effectively helps in creating an awareness of what causes this, the Yoga philosophy is capable of changing one’s overall attitude towards life. This book combines both and provides valuable guidelines, tips, and techniques. Yoga offers the complete toolkit to deal with psychological and psycho-somatic disorders that are globally on the rise. With yogic techniques one can understand the nature of human consciousness and attain its higher stages. Using yogic practices like meditation and Pranayama, one can delve deep within and connect the body and mind to the inner self. By enhancing the latent energy in man, yoga offers a holistic solution to erase conflicts, suppression, and sensitivity.

#Top 10 Books Must Read Today Generation #Top 10 Books #best books

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witchnova221 · 6 years ago

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Snow- Ineffable Christmas Omens 2019

So I decided to try my hand at the prompts for Ineffable Holiday that we’re posted by @soft-angel-aziraphale and this is my first.

Snow

Crowley shuddered as he stepped into the warmth of the bookshop. Despite the thick, woollen coat he had pulled on for the brief journey from flat to Bentley and then Bentley to bookshop, he still felt the fierce chill of the day. He could admit it gave a certain prettiness to the often dreary part of London though, the thick snowfall hanging on the window ledges and giving Soho a Christmas card veneer.

The bookshop itself had looked especially inviting as he had pulled up alongside the slushy, greying snow that blanketed the pavement. With the warm lights and dusty tones, I screamed home even though he couldn’t claim it as his own.

‘S’me, Angel,’ he called out, stepping further into the shop, ‘It’s starting to come down out there again so if we want to get anywhere before the populace panics and start clogging up the roads we better get a move on. Angel? You in?’

He frowned as he checked his watch, the time and date as accurate as ever.

‘Aziraphale?’ he said, a hint of worry in his tone as he rounded the corner, entering the back of the shop to find the angel sat in his usual chair.

He had expected a book, some first edition keeping his friend’s attention from the world but instead found him simply staring at the wall opposite, lips turned down in a frown that bordered on sadness.

‘Angel?’ he said a little louder, holding up a hand as he jumped in surprise, ‘Easy, just me.’

‘Oh, Crowley, dear boy. What are you doing here?’

‘Dinner?’

‘Oh? Oh is that the time?’ said the angel, hurrying to his feet, hands fidgeting with his waistcoat, ‘Forgive me, my dear, I lost track of time. I’ll be ready in just a jiffy.’

Crowley frowned, used to his fussy ways but the nervous mannerisms playing out before him were far from normal.

‘What’s wrong, Aziraphale?’ he asked, placing a hand on his arm to still him as he looked a heartbeat from running from the room, ‘Has something happened?’

Aziraphale shook his head but then sighed, his chin dropping to his chest. ‘I had a visit earlier,’ he said, ‘Gabriel and Sandalphon. They were checking up on my progress with monitoring young Warlock.’

‘And?’ prompted Crowley, sensing much more unsaid.

‘Let’s just day I was reminded that I am not considered, as they say, up to snuff in Heaven’s eyes.’

‘Well Heaven can stuff it,’ said Crowley, ‘Do you really want to be like those two idiots?’

‘Well...’ said Aziraphale with a shrug before he frowned at Crowley’s shoulder, ‘You’re wet. Has it been raining?’

‘Snowing, actually,’ said the demon, ‘And it’s starting to come down fast.’

Aziraphale smiled as he reached up, touching a finger to the lapel of Crowley’s coat. ‘Seems one has yet to succumb to the warmth.’

Crowley looked down, seeing the single pure white snowflake that clung to his coat. The elegant pattern was clear against the dark material.

‘Out of all Her creations,’ said Aziraphale, wistfully, ‘I fancy the snowflake is one of the most beautiful. Individual, unique. So very lovely... if only fleeting.’

Crowley watched as the snowflake faded to a damp patch, Aziraphale’s eyes losing the sparkle they had from moments before. Memories of his meeting with Gabriel and Sandalphon taking the place of happier thoughts.

‘You know,’ he said, conversationally, ‘If we’d been outside, in the right atmosphere, the snowflake would have lasted. Things only thrive when they’re in their right environment. Bit like you and them.’

Aziraphale frowned, ‘I don’t follow.’

Crowley felt a blush come to his cheeks as he realised what he was trying to say but he hated the sadness in the angel’s eyes more than any embarrassment. He reached up, covering the hand that still rested on his lapel with his own.

‘Well, like you said, every snowflake is unique but get them all together in a snow drift and they all look the same,’ he said, looking down at his boots, remnants of the grey slush still sticking to them and he grinned, ‘In the case of your visitors, they’re what you get when the snow stays too long. Tarnished, grey and aggravating. People call it names and wish it was long gone. You, on the other hand, you’re, well...’

Aziraphale smiled, fingers flexing beneath Crowley’s where they rested on his coat. ‘Thank you, my dear,’ he said, ‘And I think the same could be said of certain demonic counterparts. Now then, we had a dinner appointment, did we not?’

Crowley smiled as the angel stepped away, used to such moments and their endings but feeling no pain in it, only allowing him the smallest hope that one day he would not step away.

Within moments the angel was bundled up in his winter coat, his mood lighter as they headed to the door and out into the night. The conversation flowed as they walked through the snowy streets together, the single, unique snowflakes flurrying around them as the worn slush puddled around their feet, trodden on and ignored.

You can also read on AO3 here

#ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphalexcrowley #aziraphale #snow #christmas #ineffable holidays

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bryonysimcox · 5 years ago

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Four wheel driving, van repairing and living slowly: Week 6, Spain

It was a week mostly spent in a cottage in the hills, editing films, fixing the van and exploring Iberic villages. It was a week of taking things slow. Here’s my round-up of week six on the road.

By far, this has been the least ‘eventful’ week on the road. By that I mean we haven’t done loads and loads of travelling around, exploring or seeing lots of different stuff. But it has made me realise two things. Firstly, the reality of vanlife is that there will always be weeks like this one just past, where we knuckle down with work and van admin. And secondly, that time is the greatest asset of all.

Living slowly is a revelation.

I’ve always been the kind of person who tries to cram as many things as possible into a day. Even if I’ve got a spare ten minutes, rather than just chill out I’ll look for any small job or activity I can do to ‘make the most of’ that time. The downside of this approach is that you’re always rushing around, you sometimes don’t give a task or activity the attention it deserves, and you’re often late because you never quite finish one thing before another pops up!

Life on the road feels like a therapeutic process which is deconditioning me from being so busy all the time. Rather than thinking about the next job I need to do or how I could make something even more time-efficient, I’m taking things one by one and really relishing activities which I might’ve previously avoided because they were ‘indulgent’ or slow. That has meant reading more books, cooking, and this week even playing my violin (which I promised myself I’d play, given that we’ve brought it all this way!). It has also meant reaching out to friends and family, and being there for others.

(image) ‘It’s okay, I’m right behind you’, my latest collage for Analogue Bryony which was made in the Barraca.

I think there’s something in the ‘slow movement’ that we should all consider. In the modern world, the idea that time is the most valuable resource we have and that we should indulge ourselves in it has been replaced by the idea that time is money and efficiency is king. It’s kind of scary that I’ve had to embark on a trip like this to see how wrong that is, and to unburden myself from being a slave to efficiency.

Spending solid days and long hours working on filmmaking and admin for Broaden makes day trips and adventures even sweeter when they come.

On Thursday, I insisted that we get out and about. Even though we have spent most of the week staying in the ‘Baraca’ (the small cottage in last week’s post), George transformed the van parked on the driveway into his own editing office and practically locked himself in there from 9am - 8pm most days. By Thursday, I was keen to explore the region around us, and George was keen to test Suzi’s 4x4 abilities, so we headed north, up towards the Iberic villages of Ullastret, Peratallada and Palau-Sator.

It was only thanks to recommendations from a family friend that we found the villages, as they were tiny settlements away from the coast. We took some pretty sketchy roads to get there, but were really impressed by how well the van can handle off-road situations, especially when put into four wheel drive. Suzi the HiAce has selectable 4WD, which means that she’s only in 4WD when you switch a button and go outside, twisting the locking hubs on the front two wheels. This manual 80s style approach may seem antequated, but so far seems pretty foolproof and means that we can cruise along in 2WD most of the time when it suits.

(images) A pretty fun morning of proving Suzi’s off-road abilities!

A series of fortified medieval towns with narrow streets and stone buildings, the Iberic villages were utterly charming.

Ullastret, Peratallada and Palau-Sator all had a similar urban structure, with an old town wall and circular street pattern. Churches, markets, towers and prisons were some of the key historic buildings, and Peratallada even had a castle situated in its core. Ullastret was perhaps my favourite, not least because so many of the modified buildings featured beautifully-designed and understated architectural interventions. It was definitely apparent that Catalunya is a wealthy region, because even civic elements like street lamps, bins, railings and paving stones are well-designed and well-made, carefully crafted to remain in-keeping with the impressive historic setting.

(images) The historic Iberic villages: peaceful and charming.

(images) Sophisticated architectural detailing characterised these towns.

From the villages, we headed east to find one of the famous beaches along the Costa Brava - a beach I’d been recommended called ‘Aigua Blava’. We’ve had so many great travel recommendations, and surprisingly many of them have been from Australian acquaintances (it really is true that you Aussies see a lot of Europe when you visit this part of the world!). Aigua Blava lived up to its name, with aquamarine water framed on both sides by fancy hilltop houses and a small sandy beach. Unspoilt by the tourists of summer season, we practically had the whole beach to ourselves. Of course, I had to go in for a swim too.

Wild swimming feels like another part of living ‘slowly’ and of being present. It’s my way of connecting with my surroundings, of celebrating the natural world and the incredible opportunity George and I have to explore these places.

(image) Another wild swim in the bag, still cold this time of year but the stunning setting of Aigua Blava made up for it.

On the note of celebrating the natural world, I’ve been determined to spend as much time as I can outside. That said, it can still be pretty chilly here in Spain even though it’s been really sunny. Whilst George spent most of the week putting the final touches into the running documentary in his van-office, I stubbornly insisted on working on my laptop outside, on the porch in front of the cottage and wrapped up in lots of layers! From my ‘outdoor office’ I wrapped up some graphic design for the running documentary (artwork to be released soon), researched film festivals to enter it into (any recommendations welcome), and pitched our videography services to countless potential clients.

(images, left to right) George editing in his van office, me wearing all the necessary gear to be working outside, and the grape vines which surrounded our cottage.

Launching a videography channel and company can feel like a bit of a daunting task, but I’m generally finding that George and I have a lot of complementary skills. It’s really nice having someone to bounce ideas off, and the more we produce, film and edit together, the more we can learn from each other and fill in the gaps of our knowledge. I know it feels like every week I say we have video content coming soon, but I really can’t wait to release some stuff to show you all. That said, filmmaking is a time-consuming process and in the name of living slowly, I’m going to embrace taking as long as we need to get the videos ready!

Sunday was our last day at the cottage and saw us dedicate our time and energy to Suzi the van.

There had been a growing ‘to do’ list for the van, and so we finally set about getting it done - cleaning her out and fixing her up. It’s hard to admit it after the painful van-building process, but George and I have realised we actually really miss having a building project on the go. We both love making things, and are already plotting future tiny-houses and electric campervan conversions (yep, just six weeks into this trip…!). So on Sunday, it was all hands on deck. I cleaned the floor and all the drawers and shelves, which collect dust and dirt so quickly. I also installed some latches on cupboard doors, which have been propelling themselves open when we drive around corners.

Meanwhile, George set about replacing the headlights and reversing lights with LED bulbs. A few had blown, so we decided that if we were going to try and take off the light clusters, we might as well upgrade all the bulbs for brighter ones at the same time. The light clusters are an absolute pain to take off, and involve removing the grill and other parts (confusing construction seems to be a trend for 90s Japanese car design). Unfortunately the bulbs we had ordered for the rear lights and the fog lights weren’t the right fit, so those two are a job for the future.

George also fitted an LED light bar below the rear bumper so that we can see more with the reversing camera, and it worked first time! It’s so cool how many different types of LEDs there are on the market these days and how affordable they are. With a little bit of electrical knowledge you can do a lot of lighting modifications.

(images, left to right) Replacing old (and dim) bulbs, removing the headlight units to get to the bulbs, and George working underneath the van to wire up our new reversing light.

Ready to hit the road again, we rounded the week off by heading south towards Valencia.

Valencia is our next destination, but we plan on splitting the journey over a few days. The first leg involved us skirting around Barcelona, naïvely taking the ‘no toll road’ option which involved a huge detour and some insane elevation. The price of the toll would’ve probably been less than the time (and fuel) spent slogging up towards Manresa at about 40MPH! Nonetheless, we battled the hills and some insane winds and finally made it back to the coastal road.

Late Monday afternoon we stopped at Torredembarra and wandered along the beach. Eerily quiet, it seems this area is popular with holidaymakers through peak season and almost abandoned off-peak. We only stayed for about an hour, walking against strong winds with a beer in hand and photographing repetitive apartment block designs. It is the curious places like this that make travelling by road so worth it, because you can stop by for a short stay and see the in-between places, places just as locals see them, and places in their off-peak state.

(images) Golden hour scenes from the empty beachfront of Torredembarra.

It feels great to be living in the van again. We had a marvellous stay at the cottage near Palamós, but Suzi is our home, wherever that may be. I’m going to carry on living slowly and take each day as it comes.

Next week, Valencia.

#traveldiaries #SuziTheVan #toyotahiace #overlandadventures #digitalnomads #vanlife #BryonyandGeorge #vanliving #hiacevan #lifethroughalens #consciouscommunity

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meowgetsproductive · 5 years ago

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Getting back on your feet. Resetting. Day 1

Technically it’s day 15 of my 365 challenge/new year resolutions. However, like most of you, I ran out of steam and flopped my resolutions.

Today marks a reset to day 1. I don’t see flopping as an excuse to give up the challenge. Maybe I can’t do it for the full 365 days in a row. But maybe I can do it for two days in a row, or ten, or a month. In any case, I hope to have figured it out by December.

The 365 challenge is:

Projects 1) Edit or write 1000 words a day (currently: M39 Novel) 2) Go to gym every 2nd day (current: pass fitness test) 3) Do one course exercise a day (current: Artist’s Way) 4) Progress 1 chore a day (current: renew passport)

Habits 5) write morning diary daily (emotions) 6) stretch daily (body) 7) Meditate daily (spirit)

I’m restarting this blog to share the journey with you. Why not restart your resolutions now? Or set some if you haven’t yet, for an exciting year of growth.

So, where I’m at right now, is I’ve just awoken from burnout.

I couldn’t string two words together, much less write heartfelt 1000 words of my novel. Yesterday, I had a trip to meet my boyfriend’s parents. Sitting in front of two well-meaning strangers, being asked simple questions like "what do you do?” had me in stumps.

The parents meant my profession but I was thinking about something much more mundane.

What was I doing day to day?

Burnout is a horrible thing. It robs you of inspiration, creativity, and creates an unfillable void in your chest. Nothing feels good enough, good enough to try. Nothing is exciting. I’ve been reading day after day, all day, trying to fill that emptiness in my soul.

That trip to see “the parents” made me look at myself as an outsider. I didn’t like what I saw.

What the hell was I doing with my life? It’s only been two weeks of the resolutions and I all but forgotten them! I have lost myself, letting entropy and the lack of energy dictate my life.

So today, the start of Day 1, I am restarting this blog and getting myself into gear. Gently.

I urge anyone starting out to treat yourself gently, like a new student. To get back on your feet you need encouragement, not harsh blows of criticism.

Today’s all about getting back to our feet. Gently.

I’m typing this blog as I go, because I need gentle encouragement. Baby steps.

First thing I’m gonna do is have breakfast. Luckily I have eggs in the fridge. I did say today marks the start of Day 1. Forget the resolutions for now. Even doing breakfast feels hard.

For breakfast, I made 2 eggs with leftover tofu and spinach from who knows how long ago, and packaged miso soup. I have miso soup every day, so it’s a typical breakfast for me. You shouldn’t try to make anything fancy. A jam on toast is fine. the point is to eat something that gives you energy to start the day. It’s hard to function when you’re low AND have no physical energy either. So we start with breakfast. I also made a banana smoothie in a blender to snack on as I go.

Next, I’m gonna tidy up my room. I live in a share house and my bedroom doubles up as my study and entertainment and library. I have piles of washing on my bed, plates on my table, pillows on the floor, random plastic bags of stuff that I barely remember dumping by the bed to be dealt with later. I have so much stuff that I can barely breathe. I need orderliness to think, and right now, my surroundings make me feel anxious and suffocated.

I’m not gonna clean up the whole place, that is too much effort. But I took the dishes and cups to the kitchen. I have put scattered books into stacks so they’re out of the way. I put all used tissues in the bin.The biggest eyesore are clothes. Seeing clothes on the floor makes me feel out of control. I have two baskets where I sort used clothes instead of just throwing them on the floor. I put exercise clothes in one basket under the bed, while lounge clothes went in the other. It didn’t take long. The one thing that did take time was folding the laundry. It took time but it was worth it for the sense of freedom of my room clothes-free. Just remember, we want to create a sense of peace and serenity, so that you can get on with your day. Maybe you don’t mind your clothes on the floor, maybe for you it’s cleaning up that really ugly stain that bugs you. Or that shutter making an infernal rattling noise that you couldn’t been bothered to fix. Get your peace of mind. Fix it.

I put on some nice music while I tidied. When I was done, I lighted a scented candle to cheer up the place with a nice scent. Maybe play a victory tune to celebrate if that’s your thing.

The tidying took up more energy than I was prepared, and I feel wiped out. I haven’t even started on my daily seven yet. I just feel like collapsing with a book and not getting up again.

Luckily for me, there is one item on my daily seven that invigorates me when I remember to do it. It’s number five, the diary.

Now my diary isn’t like a normal record of the day diary that most people use. My diary are the morning pages from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. All I do is write out my worries. That’s when it works best. Sometimes I don’t know what’s bugging me and writing it long hand helps me figure it out. Sometimes I can’t think of a worry, then I write whatever is on my mind, stream-of-consciousness style. The point isn’t to list all your worries, but to let out of your chest whatever is gripping you. Sometimes it’s the excitement of a new idea, and I have written little scene sketches in the diary too. Dreams. To-dos. Battle plans before meeting The Parents. There is no wrong way to do the diary as long as you write whatever comes to mind, not stopping. “I don’t know what to write now...” is something I see too.

I did this diary for 2 pages of my large notebook, which is roughly 22 minutes. And that takes of item number five on my daily seven.

5) write morning diary daily (emotions)

I give myself a sticker for each of the seven that I complete. It cheers me up and brings a little bit of joy into my day.

In my morning pages diary, I realised that each of the items isn’t hard. The illusion of it is. It seems hard, but once you start doing, it’s actually not that hard to do the task in the moment. Stretching isn’t hard. Thinking about doing stretching, about how much time and energy it takes and that I’d have to get up and start moving and that I’ll never be flexible so what’s the use, is what keeps me stuck dead. The key is not succumbing to the illusion of difficulty, and just starting. Once I start, the task will take care of itself. 10 minutes meditation is nothing. But thinking about sitting there trying not to think and how my back always aches, is the enemy.

My advice is, start the thing. Don’t think about starting the thing. Start doing the thing. If it’s gym, get dressed and out the door. Start doing it. No debating allowed!

I’ll meditate next. Another thing that often remains undone, because it’s boring.

I find meditating boring.

Sitting without thoughts, experiencing time without beginning or end is very hard for me. I’m very good at imagining stuff, such as cleansing the chakras or directing energy in my mind. Sitting quietly with a silent mind, 10 minutes seem to go on on FOREVER.

All right, fine. Start. Not deliberate. I’m going.

I sat on a cushion and set alarm for ten minutes.

Ohh, it started off well enough. Then I got really restless. I started counting my breaths to 10, which really helped. Then after some time, my thoughts went wild. I was deciding which movie to watch tonight as my reward for doing so well, Dr Strange or Iron Man. Those are my favourite movies. Also I was thinking that I was gonna finish early today, and how early was early? At which point I realised I’ve had a pop song playing in my mind’s background for some time. Ugh.

Ten minutes felt long, but I lasted the whole time and now I feel so happy and proud of myself! I have done the meditation for today, item seven. Another sticker. Yay!

The benefits of meditation are numerous, but the benefits don’t kick in until several months in, same as gym. It took my brother 3 months of gym before he began to look great. I’ve just started gym and meditation myself on New Years Day, so it’ll take some time for my mind to center and my body to look great. Today’s a great day to start!

7) Meditate daily (spirit)

Well, I feel like I’m on a roll with my daily habits, so I’m feeling inspired to do the 10 min stretching. I’ve already done morning diary and meditation, stretching feels like a piece of cake! (See how small steps inspire more small steps? I’m all fired up!)

I put up some music, set the timer, and bam! Done. Three stickers today. The amount of bones I cracked was embarrassing.

Why do I resist stretching so much? Again, it takes time, even if it’s just 10 minutes. It’s boring, even if I put on music. Plus it hurts when I’m sore or I try the splits. Then why do it? Because doing something like a ten minute stretch helps keep flexibility and freedom of movement for life. Like all good things, the tangible benefits don’t kick in until later in life. (I’m beginning to see a pattern here).

6) stretch daily (body) Done!

That’s the Habits triad done. Yay for emotions/body/spirit!

Where’s the mind, you may ask? Well, the rest of the daily tasks are mind-heavy. Writing, gym, course exercise and chores tend to draw heavily on intellect. They make my brain flex.

Writing draws heavily on all areas.

Going to gym is as much a mental battle as physical exertion is.

By now, I’ve done the easy items on the list, the ones that take 10 minutes max. Doing it this way was semi-deliberate. I need easy wins right now to feel empowered. Attempting something like number one: writing, would be too overwhelming for me. Thanks to starting with the small items, I feel accomplished, I feel confident about getting more items done, I feel cheerful and I have what I feel like lots of energy (stretching could be at play for the energy boost).

Next, I feel like tackling the easiest item on the Projects list. Which is number four, the chore of passport renewal.

All I have to do for passport renewal is to load the official form onto USB and print it, get two passport photos, and go to post office to pay a fee and lodge the form and the photos.

The due date is tomorrow. I’ve been putting it off for a month.

The reason is, I am hesitant about taking that photo. I currently have long-ish hair at my boyfriend’s request, but I normally keep it short. I don’t want long hair in my passport photo. I have been procrastinating getting a haircut (and hurting my boyfriend’s feelings), yet I wasn’t comfortable taking a long-haired photo. That would be ten years staring at a photo that screams “not me”.

Some of you might be thinking “Gal, it’s your hair, you don’t have to do what your boyfriend says!”. I agree. This time, however, it’s not a bother to keep my hair long. I don’t care that it’s long right now (and I like that my boyfriend appreciates it), I just don’t want my hair long in my passport photo.

Alas, I’ve decided as I’m typing this this that I’ve left the decision for too long, and I’m worried about the paperwork expiring tomorrow if I don’t do something now. So, I’m gonna find that passport form and put it on USB, then fix myself for going out (long hair and all), and see if I can take the photo at the post office directly rather than getting someone to do it for me and then rushing to a printing shop last minute (for all of you who can print at home, I am jealous and I salute you!).

Finding an empty USB and loading the doc there took less than thirty seconds.

The getting ready didn’t take too long because I had met The Parents yesterday and so I was all clean. I wore the same clothes cuz I just needed to do the photo, not please people.

Doing well so far.

At the post office, the lady told me they don’t do printing. While they could do the photo, they can’t print my form to finalise the process.

I envy you, printer-owners.

I contacted a relative to see if I can use their printer, and also if they can do my photo. It would same me money if my relative could print the photo for free. They said okay.

Turns out the passport photo couldn’t be printed via inkjet printer. I only printed the form at the relative’s.

Then I drove back to post office, did the photo, and submitted the whole thing.

I’m so tired now. This recovery thing is hard.

Or maybe that’s cuz it’s early dinnertime and I haven’t had lunch yet.

4) Progress 1 chore a day (current: renew passport)

I’m gonna make some food next. It’s not dinner, not lunch, but something in-between.

I made a sandwich for that meal. Again, I wasn’t going for fancy, since I’m so low on energy.

While having lunch and talking to my brother, I have randomly uncovered an answer for a touch writing problem I’ve been having about some critique I’ve gotten. I was so inspired by this insight that I worked on the solution for about two hours, which resulted in about 2,500 words. That covers number one on the resolutions list, quite by accident.

I love when success begets more success.

1) Edit or write 1000 words a day (currently: M39 Novel)

Now it is late, and I’ve been sitting down for most of the day. Plus the gym rush has ended. A great time to head out to gym.

I didn’t stay long in the gym, only 40 minutes, 20 of which was walking on treadmill. Baby steps, remember?

2) Go to gym every 2nd day (current: pass fitness test)

By the time I got back and took a shower, it was 10pm. I still have one item not done.

This leaves only one item not yet attempted, and that is item two, the course exercise (for the Artist’s way). It takes only 5 min. I remember that all exercises for week 11 in the book are lengthy. I don’t think I can easily do any of them. So, I’m gonna do the trick I do for really difficult tasks, or tasks I’m really scared of.

I set a timer for 10 minutes.

In that time, I’m gonna read the exercises and see if I can do any today. If not, I’m going to pick one and write up a list of materials I’ll need, or do a search if the exercise asks me to contact people etc. Basically, I’m gonna spend the 10 minutes trying to progress something somewhere.

10 min. Go!

I could do one exercise. It was massive. I had to list 10 wishes in 7 areas of health, possessions, relationships etc... I only got through the heath, possessions and leisure in 10 minutes, and I thought I was coming up with wishes pretty fast. Those course exercises aren’t quick!

However it does accomplish my daily resolution of progressing a course exercise by a minimum of 10 minutes. Yay!

3) Do one course exercise a day (current: Artist’s Way)

This means I did all 7 resolutions! Hooray!

I gave myself a special sticker to celebrate!

But it did take me a full day, from breakfast to 10:30pm to do all seven, and I didn’t have any obligations today. If you have work or are looking after kids, then maybe try for one resolution a day. I definitely don’t want to be spending an entire day tomorrow doing just the resolutions. I’d like to do other things too. But today I wanted to start it easy and so I didn’t plan any other things so that I had plenty of time to do the resolutions.

I hope that once I’m more at the rolling stage, I can achieve all the resolutions in a single 3-4h evening. If you have a lot of resolutions and you’re struggling, do the math to figure out what is realistic. My resolutions take a total of 3 hours 20 minutes as a minimum (items 3 to 7 are ten 10minutes each, to a total of 50 min. Gym takes about an hour. Writing is variable, but 1 hour for 1,000 words sounds reasonable. Plus add a minimum of 5 minutes between each activity. Seven activities require six breaks, a total of 30 min). So, a theoretical 3 hour 20 minutes worth of tasks took me 12+ hours to do today. Again, be gentle with yourself.

What are your resolutions for today? I wish you success, good luck and good cheer!

Meowgetsproductive

#NewYearsResolution #life goals

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bestsuccessstories · 6 years ago

Text

STORY 1

TRUE SUCCES STORY OR “OUT OF THE WOODS”

When you decide to hunt your dream, sometimes you may feel like Prince Charming.You have to go into the dark woods alone, get lost, then climb to the tallest treetop to actually see your path (Prince Charming, as well as success hunters is not provided with a map)Afterwards, it is required to defeat several very wicked withes and train your dragon, meanwhile, the magic volcano continues erupting behind you.Only after these entertaining activities have finished could he have an entire Kingdom in addition with a pretty Princess.

Yes, a way to your dream can be covered with fear and doubt.That’s why very important to remind yourself, that this road dotted with mountains will lead you to the most beautiful destination you have ever seen and the harder your path is, the more beautiful view you will admire in the end.What truly helps success hunters, is an example of those, who managed to get out of the darkest woods and made come true the most impossible dream (leaving all very wicked witches and dragons crying behind).

This is a story like that (a real story of a successful company, try to find out the name in the end)

Once upon a time, two success hunters decided to completely change their routine and moved to San Francisco, ready to realise their dream. As it should be, when your dream is big enough, there are always difficulties arising.Without employment, it was quite hard to pay the rent and they were looking for a way to earn some extra money.They noticed that all hotel rooms in the city were booked, as the local Industrial Design conference attracted a lot of visitors.

True success hunters always sees the opportunity in every difficulty.Our heroes bought a few airbeds and put up a website. The idea was to offer visitors a place to sleep and breakfast in the morning. They succeeded and the first guests were sleeping on their floor (a 30-year-old Indian man, a 35-year-old woman from Boston and a 45-year-old father of four from Utah)

After they had those guests, they did nothing for about four months.There were no more bookings through their website, so they didn’t think the ‘airbed thing’ would work and they decided to came up with another idea.They were trying to build a roommate matching website.It supposed to be Craigslist meets Facebook, for roommates with profiles. Then one day they typed roommates into Google and realised that someone had already built that site. And this was about four weeks after they started working on it.

The main secret of all success hunters is that their dreams are bigger than any obstacles, so they kept working and returned to the original idea. Deciding to stick with the ‘airbed thing’ they found a corder and a third success hunter got to their team.

The major problem was that the site only had two users, one of them was its co-founder. First time they launched at SXSW(Conference & Festivals celebrate the convergence of the interactive, film, and music industries), and only received two bookings(almost a year they had original idea). They built three versions of a website.There is a saying: if you launch and no-one notices that, just launch again so they did.

By the third version it was the Demographic National Convention, all the hotels in Denver were sold out.They decided that was a right time to do a big launch. Barack Obama was coming to Denver, and 80,000 people were expected to visit, but there were only 27,000 hotel rooms.That weekend their website received 80 bookings. The weekend after, they received no bookings.

The same pattern repeated itself for months. They got to about 30,000$ in credit card debt. Our success hunters would go and get credit cards and max them out, and then they would keep getting more credit cards until the bank stopped giving them to our heroes. They were tens of thousands of dollars in debt.

Everybody thought they were crazy, no-one supported them, they had no money. One of our hunters would wake up in the morning and have a panic (Later, he admitted that it was the best weight lost program ever, he probably lost 20 pounds) Every morning he felt his heart pounding, but over the course of the day he would convince himself that everything is going to work out fine (I’ve got a plan, it’s all good-affirmation, he highly recommends) and by the night he would go to bed really confident. The next day, there was like a receipt button and every morning started with panic again.

The day they launched, they had a meeting with a well known investor.There site was down, they didn’t bring a slide deck and that wasn’t a super successful pitch.“It was mostly me and him staring at each other for an hour and he did not invest” will say one of our hunters a couple years later in the interview.

They reached about 20 investors about 15 even didn’t reply to their emails.

They managed to organise another meeting in the cafe.In the middle of the conversation, their potential investor gets up and leaves (that was the last time they have seen him).

They were in debt and trying to figure out how to pay the rent, after the convention they returned back to zero.They built a website, spend a year on it and no-one using it, no one want to come or list their homes because there were no travellers, no traveler want to come to the website where there are no homes.No one wants to be the first person to try the idea like this.Most people thought that was insane.

People around them were receiving funding and developing their companies. The story of our hunters was nothing like that, but they kept working when most people would give up.Very well-known fact (every success hunter must follow) that if you don’t believe in yourself, pretend that you do and, at some point you will.

One night, they were thinking how they are going to pay the rent and keep the company working. They had an idea to provide a breakfast to people going to Demographic National Convention. They were thinking that would be nice to have a branded breakfast like cereal and they came up with idea Obama’s O’s and Cap’n McCain’s cereals. The front of the box was stamped with “Hope In Every bowl” and on the back it called itself the “Breakfast of Change.” The side of the Cap’n McCain’s box sang the praise of eating squares (Os may look pretty, but have you ever noticed there’s something missing? That’s right, there’s a hole in the middle of every O. With Cap’n McCain’s you get a whole piece of cereal in every bite).They called local cereal companies which said ‘Great, we would like to work with you, all we need is non-refundable deposit’(which was a huge amount of money for young startup)

Another one success hunter’s statement claims that when one door closes, another opens. Finally, they meet a guy who has got a print shop (not a cereal company).He wanted to help and said that he could print a 1000 examples for free (If you succeed and sell this, just give me the royalty).They were literally assembling these boxes in their kitchen (thousand boxes assembling with hot glue).Sitting on the kitchen, they were wondering whether Marc Zukemberg was assembling cereal boxes when he first launched Facebook (unlikely). Was that a good or a bad sign?

So, they had to fold a thousand boxes, pack cereal in them, and sell them for 40 dollars a box. They thought, ‘who is going to pay 40 dollars a box’ but they were limited edition, and they ended up selling about US$30,000 worth of this cereal. But the money they earned only went so far, and in November 2008 the company was broke once more. It got to the point where one of the success hunter’s mother called him and said, ‘look, if you need money I will send you. You don’t need to have strangers in your home to make money’. This was the moment when he started to question the decisions he made in life to get him here. He didn’t felt successful, or smart, or talented. He only felt that the world was against him.

It was a time they decided to enter famous startup accelerator Y Combinator. When they met Paul Graham ( co-founder of Y Combinator),first question he asked was ‘people are doing this?’. They told yes, and he replied,’what’s wrong with them?’ (In the end the interview he thinks it’s the worst idea ever). About to live, they handed him a box of Obama O’s and he said,’if you convince people to buy a box of cereal for 40$, maybe you will convince them to stay in another people’s rooms’. So he let them to Y-Combinator. The company spent the first three months of 2009 at the accelerator, working on perfecting their product.

Over the course of 2010, the site’s weekly revenue doubled. Then it doubled again.They renamed the company and soon received another $600k in a seed round from Sequoia Capital and Y Ventures.

However, not everyone was as impressed with company’s business model.Even during Y Combinator, they still got rejected by investors.The young startup was turned down by Fred Wilson and Union Square Ventures—a decision he now admits wasn’t a good one (in 2011 Union Square kept a box of Obama O’s in their conference room to remind themselves not to make the same mistake again).

Also, the website wasn’t gaining much traction in New York, so our hunters flew out and booked spaces with 24 hosts to figure out what the problem was. As it turned out, users weren’t doing a great job of presenting their listings (the photos were really bad, people were using camera phones).There were no bookings because users couldn’t see what they were paying for. Success hunters got used to challenges, so they found a solution.They rented a $5,000 camera, planning to take professional pictures of as many New York listings as possible and by the end of the month startup’s revenue in the city had doubled.That’s gave them an idea to launch a photography program (hosts could automatically schedule a professional photographer to come and photograph their space).

Four years after the first air mattress guests, company was already in 89 countries. It also won the break-out mobile app award at SXSW (and that’s after its lukewarm launch at the festival in 2008).The same year, one of the valley’s biggest VCs put $112 million into the startup, valuing it at over $1 billion. That made company a “unicorn” in Silicon Valley.

After years of doubts, debt and disappointment, success hunters came out of the dark woods and showed the world what the true success supposed to mean. In 2011 startup closed a US$112 million round of venture funding. Three years later, it received US$475 million more. In 2015, it collected another US$1.6 billion dollars in the financing alone.

Company has reached a US$25.5 billion valuation. That makes it bigger than Hilton Worldwide, InterContinental Hotels Group, or any other hotel chain on the planet Earth.

Our success hunters are famous not only for disrupting an industry, changing the game in hospitality, and generated billions of dollars in revenue for themselves, and their users.The main thing, is that they gave a faith to young people all over the world.They showed us, that no matter how huge is your dream, it can become reality. No matter how difficult and hopeless your situation is, it’s all going to work out in the end if you will keep trying. Because every failure brings you closer to success.When you stop believe you actually could reach the top, remember, it always seems impossible until it’s done (Then, you can write a manual called ‘Through the dark woods’ which could help future generations).

You don’t need a supernatural power or a pixie dust to make your dream come true, just be desperate for success and success will be desperate for you, this will be a mutual love in the end. As you know Fortune, is a Lady and Ladies requires dedication.So she will need some time to check whether you are ready to keep going when things will get harder (definitely they will, because very wicked withes are payed well to do their job)but if you show a bit of persistence, she will become your Godmother.You always will hear her kind voice whispering to your year and lightening up your way in the dark woods when very wicked witches will try to lead your astray.

So be it

P.S.You probably guess that the company name was Airbnb and success hunters that inspires us are:Brian Chesky ,Joe Gebbia, Nathan Blecharczyk

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