#edit: okay i THINK i fixed whatever the fuck happened with the formatting

[ranger-kellyn]

i said i wasn't going to write an essay, but i ended up writing an essay anyway

so, here, my official review of scarlet and violet. obv major spoilers below. also, unfortunately, it's mostly negative, so be mindful of that. at the end of the day, the only thing i can say i loved about the games were the characters-

and even then, my love of the characters doesn't feel...idk if genuine is the word i'm looking for, but something along that vein. like. the story i was writing in my head during my second playthrough was more enjoyable than the actual playthrough itself. i love the version of the characters who live in my head -- but i really have to ask myself, am I just doing that whole "OC committing identity fraud" thing...?

open world full of fucking nothing. my favorite thing to do in BoTW was get up somewhere high, look around, admire the view, and then just take me wherever my stamina could get me to. in this game, you get up high and there's...not really anything of note to look at. the textures are awful and stretched, and so many of the mountains are at a needle point. i have no motivation to actually go out and search for all 999 gimmighoul coins just to evolve one ugly pokemon into an even more ugly pokemon.

there's a distinct lack of Sense Of Place throughout the game, and in the wildes it's in how sparce the landscapes are. Hardly any trees or unique landmarks. the towns and cities are even worse in this regard. like. apart from the occasional spanish tossed in here and there, and the general shape of the region, and names of the towns, how in the fuck would I have known the region is inspired by spain?? like. how did we go from Galar which is very in-your-face-obnoxious-English to Paldea which is like..........spanish i guess

As a tangent to the above, the distinct lack of like. culture??? there are so many wonderful foods that come out of spain-- and sandwhiches??????? i remember thinking curry was weird for galar, but was satisfied with the answer of "it's a current trendy food". sure, fine, i can deal. sandwhiches????? how the fuck is me throwing three pickles and some olive oil on a footlong supposed to lure out pokemon

anyways,

the game feels wildly directionless. if you look up a list of the "least to most strong" encounters for each three storylines, there is no way in FUCK it makes sense from an exploratory standpoint. it's made worse by the fact that the battles don't scale. one of the best things about BoTW is how, in my experience, no matter what order you do things in, no matter when you decide to finally take on ganon-- it always felt satisfying. finishing up these three storylines didn't feel satisfying in either of my runs, and looking at it from an objective standpoint-- i can't find a way to write this and have it make sense without scaling things. it the battles simply scaled this would be a non issue for me. Not to mention the classes you're also supposed to be taking at the academy during all of this. I completely skipped over them during my first playthrough, but made sure to go and take the classes every other gym or so. yes, they added to the lore here and there, and it was a neat attempt at the whole free time events to bond with characters and whatnot. but it still kinda fell flat for me. (also if i have to read "apro-pros of nothing" one more time i Will gouge my eyes out) (ALSO yes i had to look up what in the fuck chugey meant when the director asked like bitch me the fuck too no clue what it meant)

related to directionless, the game's final arc in the great crater feels...too slow, then on the immediate flip side, too fucking fast. like. for the longest time, i couldn't have told you what the plot of the game was. the treasure hunt feels vague at best. for the longest time, the three storylines just felt like "things you can do" rather than like genuine plot. like. finding out the professor is long dead and essentially the "bad guy" of the region feels...eh? like. i guess it was emotional, but the painfully slow build up only to have the end of the game take like...less than half an hour? Arven's neglect from his parents feels rushed and not really handled with much care. Penny's whole story line with Team Star also feels...unsatisfying? I think her final battle would have been better had all the star leaders ended up revealing themselves when she was down to just Sylveon, about to lose, basically giving way to phase two where their cheering her on gives a huge power boost to Sylveon, like how the crowd cheering can give you boosts in other battles. As much as I love Nemona. like. i ADORE this kid. she feels...inconsistent at times. (which like-- in plenty of ways i'll give her a pass bc like. Teenager lmao. but also. :\) I think I really just don't understand her role as student council president. she doesn't read student council president to me. maybe a club president, but not of the whole student council. always ready to rush into things without thinking them through-- not exactly qualities you would want from SCP.

dont even get me started on the performance issues and distance rendering. like....good fucking god. like. even the fact that the in-game timer is dependent on the frames--- my game for scarlet says i have 37:07 hours in the game. my switch profile says i have over 40 hours. 3 hours of game time lost to lag. on youtube, smallant's violet video showed the same thing. his in game timer was at like 14 and the profile timer was at like 16 and so.....Bad Some of the glitches and bugs were funny for a bit, but i really just...can only laugh for so long before getting overwhelmed with "these wouldn't be here if they had just given the game an extra year or two of work". The fact that the very first mod I saw for the game was a 60FPS mod-- it's sad.

ALSO ALSO. i fucking HATE the lack of a visual or audio cue for shiny pokemon. the models are already too fucking small for me to see, and then the colors aren't stark enough for me to notice-- i will literally never find a shiny pokemon if they don't patch that in. i will not see them. i am missing out on a whole section of the game because gamers hate disabled people so fucking much.

but i guess to end i'll try to talk more about the things i did like.

the genders in this game??????

fucking IMMACULATE. catch me grinning like a dork every time i catch a glimpse of rika-- i want what she has so fucking bad i cant sEE STRAIGHT

my faves of the game are Nemona, Rika, Atticus, and Grusha, but there's really no characters other than Iono who i actively dislike. the only thing i like about Iono has been watching actual streamers get to her and visibly cringe and dsfhljk. good joke But i fucking ADORE Nemona. she's a little one dimensional, sure, and sometimes i felt like her characterization wasn't exactly. consistent?? but i love how all about the player character she is. i love the "lets be rivals for life" cheesiness. i love that she thought you were just picking fights with randos when you first meet Team Star and was like, "you can have all the battles you'll ever want with me!" i ESPECIALLY loved playing it as the girl bc it all just reads like "i have the biggest fucking crush on you and it's also my first huge crush so i have no clue how to even act around you" I love how absolutely kind and wonderful she is. My favorite rival since Cheren and Bianca back in BW. I will not forgive the fandom for at first making her sound like this huge creepy stalker. that's my "cinnamon roll who could probably kill you" your honor. Rika is just...my own personal "life goals or wife goals????????" bc fucking CHRIST i look at her and have my own little gay meltdown every time. i wanna look like her sO BAD i'm literally buying clothes to dress like her Atticus i love bc the fandom seems to find him annoying, but i just adore this little theater nerd. really, i ended up adoring all of Team Star. at the end i was looking at all of them and laughing to myself, saying, "yeah i know why these kids were getting bulled. same reason i was getting bullied. we ALL are running around with undiagnosed autism aren't we". i also just love that atticus has the most gorgeous face hiding under that goofy ass hood. goofy theater boy let me love you Grusha i found really compelling my second playthrough, where i actually talked to more NPCs and realized that like...oh. grusha got fucked up on the slopes, didn't he? that little cetoddle you see him with is probably like...a disability aid pokemon of some kind. his line that's like, "this is a bad day to challenge me, are you sure?" is probably more like. you essentially went to challenge him on the day that is also the anniversary of his big injury. (unfortunately i also one-shot his entire team in both playthroughs so like....for gym 8 he wasn't that strong :( ) but he's def a character i'd love to dig into one of these days.

so, i loved the characters. i even loved the dynamic of the Elite 4. While i hate the idea of a like....4 year old...being on the e4, i like to think it's more like...Poppy's parent is on the e4, but they're in and out of the region a ton and Poppy has just memorized how to order her parent's pokemon and -- idk. it sounds funnier in my head.

and as many gripes i have about the new pokemon, i do think there was a good balance of new to old pokemon. i wish i liked some of the evos more (looking at all the nightmare bugs) but i do think the balance was pretty good. My first team was: Skeledirge, Klawf, Tauros (water), Tinkaton, Kilowattrel, and Baxcalibur My second team was: Quaquaval, Pawmot, Tauros (fire), Tinkaton, Farigiraf, and an EV trained Sunflora bc it made me laugh Clearly Tinkaton is a favorite, but as I've said before, Quaquaval absolutely snuck its way into my heart. I also loved the Tauros variants, which I also thought was a simple but great way to get more out of less.

but so i guess the big question is: do I think Scarlet and Violet are worth $60+????

honestly...i don't think i can say yes. the negatives outweigh the positives for me, but on the same hand, i don't exactly regret spending the $120 for both games. but i am a story writer and it's given me enough plot bunnies to be worthwhile to me. i don't like that most of what i'm already brainstorming feels like nothing but fix it fics... but i digress.

tl;dr: good characters, great genders. performance and graphical errors out the ass. an open world full of nothing and no life. a generous 5/10

[atomicladytimetravel]

Mirror Mirror

Summary: No Outbreak AU. After an upsetting encounter with a young girl at Sephora, Joel has to show his wife just how beautiful she is. Established relationship. No physical description of the character, just that she’s female and has hair long enough to gather into a ponytail. She = You. I just wanted to try a different format. Inspired by the many Sephora brat TikToks I’ve seen and my own depraved imagination. There may be a sequel later.

Warnings: Dom!Joel, Daddy kink (slight dd/lg vibes), throat fucking, choking, fingering, squirting, oral (m and f receiving), face sitting, spanking, mirror play, unprotected sex, creampie. So…just general depravity. 18+ ONLY. MDNI.

Word count: 3,692

This has been edited. I realized I missed a whole chunk of text 😩

“Joel, have you been using my good shampoo? I just bought this bottle and I’m almost out.”

Joel Miller’s wife appears behind where he’s sitting on the couch, shampoo bottle in hand. She walks around to stand in front of him, brandishing the mostly empty bottle.

“Oh…yeah,” he admits sheepishly. “I like the way it makes my hair look.”

“No wonder you’ve been extra irresistible lately,” she giggles, tousling his very soft hair. “I’m gonna make a run to Sephora to get more. I’ll just get a bigger bottle.”

She grabs her purse, gives Joel a swift kiss and makes her way out the door.

When she enters the store, she heads straight for the shampoo. She picks out the biggest bottle of Living Proof Perfect Hair Day they carry and starts to walk towards the checkout counter. She passes a Drunk Elephant display and notices that exactly one bottle of the coveted drops is available. She’s been wanting to try them and decides to grab one while it’s there. She reaches for the bottle, and her hand is about to close around it when another slightly smaller hand snatches it.

“Ha! Got it!”

She turns to see a girl who could’ve been no more than twelve holding the drops with a triumphant and smug grin.

“Wow, uh, okay. I was gonna buy that.”

“Looks like you’re not now,” the girl says. Before she struts away, she turns back and says: “By the way…no amount of makeup in this store is going to fix the ugly on your face.”

She’s taken aback by the girl’s unsolicited insult. She waits to see if the girl meets back up with a parent (or adult of any kind) but she doesn’t - she buys the Drunk Elephant drops and exits the store alone.

“Jesus, kids just do whatever the fuck they want now I guess,” she thinks to herself. She buys her shampoo and thinks about the interaction for the entire twenty minute drive back home.

Upon her arrival home, she kicks off her shoes in the foyer and makes a beeline for the bedroom.

“I’m just gonna put this away, I’ll be right back,” she tells Joel. She does put the shampoo away, but she can’t help but hold onto what the girl at Sephora said to her. Before meeting Joel, her confidence level was near zero. He spent a lot of time convincing her that she’s beautiful, but this little girl obviously saw something Joel doesn’t.

She stands in front of the beautiful antique mirror Joel had gotten her as an anniversary gift after she fawned over it at an antique store. She picks herself apart in the full length mirror, pinching skin between her fingers and looking for any sign of aging, no matter how subtle. The longer she looks, the more she hates what she sees. Her nose isn’t right, her skin isn’t clear enough, her pores are way too fucking big. Her bottom lip trembles and tears spill from her eyes. Defeated, she shuffles to the bed where she buries her face into a pillow to stifle her sobs. This is how Joel finds her. He rushes to her side, kneeling beside the bed and rubbing her back soothingly.

“Whoa, hey…what’s wrong love?”

She tearfully recounts what happened to her at Sephora and Joel’s face turns stoney. All the work he’s done to make her love herself, to see herself the way he does was all undone in an instant - and over a fucking bottle of overpriced skincare.

“It sounds like you’ve forgotten everything daddy taught you, huh little one? Maybe you need a reminder.”

She sits up on her elbow and looks at him incredulously through her tears.

“Does it really look like I want to fuck right now Joel? How can you even want to fuck me anyway? Look at me!”

“I always want you baby girl. Always,” he replies earnestly. Then, he lowers his voice and his tone becomes dominant. “And now, you’re gonna be a good girl and let daddy show you. Right?”

She can’t deny him when he speaks to her this way. His dominant affection for her never fails to get her going. She sits up fully and wipes her tears.

“Yes daddy,” she responds. He gets to his feet and takes her hand in his, leading her around to the foot of the bed. He stands her in front of the mirror and, standing behind her, slowly begins to undress her. He starts with her top, placing his hands at her sides and pushing the fabric up her body. She raises her arms so that he can pull the top off and he discards it somewhere to the side.

Next is her bra, and he makes light work of unclasping it. The straps fall off her shoulders and she lets the bra slide to the floor. He cups her breasts in his large hands, kneading them and pulling gently on her nipples. She moans softly, arousal overriding the self pity she’d been feeling. Joel’s eyes meet hers in their reflection and the look of pure adoration and love on his face makes her feel silly for her insecurities.

“Look how fuckin’ gorgeous my wife is,” he tells her, his lips right next to her ear. He kisses just below her earlobe and she tips her head to the side to allow him to nuzzle her neck. She shivers as he sucks her skin, leaving red splotches behind that will surely be purple later.

He hooks his forefingers into the waistband of her leggings (and, simultaneously, her panties) and drags them down around her feet. She steps out of them, kicking them away with the toe of one foot. He straightens up and admires her naked figure in the reflection.

“You see this body, hmm? I love this body.”

He brushes his fingertips up the curves of her hips and the sensation elicits another soft moan from her. He takes her jaw in his hand and turns her head for a kiss, his other hand dipping between her legs teasingly.

“Mm, wet already? And I’ve barely touched you,” he muses. He walks the two of them backwards until the backs of his knees hit the mattress. He sits and scoots back far enough to give her room to situate herself between his legs.

“I want you to watch yourself in the mirror while I play with your pretty pussy, okay?” he instructs. “I want you to see what I see.”

He rests his chin on her shoulder and she meets his eyes in the mirror.

“Look at yourself, not at me.”

Her eyes, which are still puffy from crying, shift back to her own reflection.

“Now, say ‘I’m a pretty girl.’”

She hesitates and he smacks one of her breasts. The action catches her off guard and she gasps, but an unmistakable pang of arousal follows the stinging and she whimpers quietly.

“Say it,” he commands harshly in her ear and this time, she obeys.

“I’m a pretty girl.”

“There’s a good girl,” he praises, now massaging the breast he’s just smacked. Soft, sensual kisses are pressed to her neck as his free hand squeezes the flesh of her inner thigh. “Spread your legs for me now.”

She opens her legs and he begins rubbing her clit slowly, teasingly. Her eyes flutter as pleasure takes over and he whispers a reminder to keep them open in her ear. She lets her eyes focus on her reflection and, to her immense surprise, she kind of likes what she sees. Her mouth is parted to let her breathy moans escape and her pupils are lust blown. Her eyes flit to where Joel is rubbing circles on her clit; his hands are beautiful and watching his long middle finger trace the sensitive bundle of nerves makes her eyes roll back.

“That is actually so hot,” she moans. He grins satisfactorily.

“I know it baby. Got me hard as a rock back here.”

He slides his finger into her slowly and she begs him for another. She attempts to watch as he fingers her in earnest, but her eyes eventually slip closed. It’s hard to keep her focus on the mirror when he’s making her feel so good.

“Keep those eyes open,” he warns. “Don’t wanna miss the best part.”

“S-sorry daddy. It just feels so good.”

“Mm, I can tell. You’re fuckin’ soaked.” He curls his fingers and hits that spot inside her that would’ve made her eyes fly open if they weren’t already glued to the mirror.

“Oh fuck,” she swears breathily. “Please keep going like that.”

He can see on her face that she’s almost at her peak. He brings his other hand to her throat and gives it a light squeeze. She likes how she looks with his hand around her neck and his fingers inside her. It makes her cunt throb that much more.

“Oh god…daddy I’m so close, please don’t stop.”

“Got no intentions on stoppin’,” he says in her ear before nibbling on her earlobe. She feels the pressure building and with just a few more curls of his fingers, the coil snaps.

“Fuck!” she shouts. “I’m cumming…oh my god!”

He removes his fingers and a spray of fluid comes out of her. She squirts so hard that it hits the mirror. Her eyes roll back in spite of the effort she’s putting in to keep them open and her mouth opens in a silent scream. Joel rubs her clit furiously and doesn’t stop until she clamps her thighs around his hand.

“Jesus Christ baby, I love it when you do that,” he tells her before pressing a lingering kiss to her lips. “Did you see how pretty you look when you cum for me?”

She had, briefly. And she had to admit, it was pretty hot.

“Yes daddy,” she answers. She’s a little sheepish as she admits: “I kinda liked it.”

He chuckles at this.

“As you should baby girl.”

He kisses her and she reaches her hand behind her to squeeze the bulge in his sweatpants. He groans and she squeezes him just a little harder.

“Fuck, get on your knees for me,” he says. The two of them shuffle off the bed and she drops to her knees in front of him. He rids himself of his t-shirt and she yanks his sweats down. He’d forgone underwear and his cock springs free when the sweatpants go past his waist. He gathers her hair into a makeshift ponytail in his hand while she teases the tip of his cock. She drags her tongue along the vein that runs on the underside of his shaft and he hisses.

“Don’t fuckin’ tease me woman.”

She smirks, looking up at him and batting her lashes.

“Sorry daddy,” she giggles.

“Don’t let your newfound confidence get ya a punishment, princess,” he warns. Heeding this warning, she wraps her lips around the tip of his cock and takes him in until her nose touches skin.

“Ohhhh yeeeah,” he sighs, gripping her hair just a little tighter. “Love that mouth baby.”

She bobs her head back and forth a few times, pushing him a bit deeper down her throat each time. She gags just a little when he starts fucking her throat, but she’s able to recover.

“God, fuck yeah, swallow my cock baby. You’re so good at this.”

He thrusts forward a few more times before tugging on her hair and making her look up at him.

“What are you?” he demands.

“I’m a pretty girl,” she gasps, voice horse from having his cock in her throat. He taps her lips with his tip and she opens obediently, allowing him to continue fucking her throat. Tears spill down her cheeks as she gags.

“That’s right; and whose pretty girl are you?”

He takes his cock out of her mouth long enough for her to answer, “Yours sir!” before shoving it back in.

“God damn right. Good girl,” he praises as he continues to fuck her face. The ache between her legs becomes too much to bear and she slides a hand between them to play with her clit. Joel doesn’t miss this and he moans at the sight.

“You like getting your throat fucked, huh baby girl?”

She manages to make a sound akin to “uh-huh” and he chuckles through his nose.

“My good fuckin’ slut.”

She gasps for air when he pulls his cock out of her mouth, drool connecting her lips to his tip. He runs his thumb across her puffy bottom lip and smiles at her affectionately.

“Fuck baby, that’s a stunnin’ sight: red swollen lips and tears runnin’ down that pretty face,” he compliments. He bends down and kisses her roughly before helping her to her feet.

“I want you to come sit on my face,” he tells her. This is his favorite position to eat her out in and he insists on giving her multiple orgasms before even considering giving her (or himself) a breather. Not that she’s complaining.

“Don’t you dare hover,” he reminds her as he lies flat on the mattress. She straddles his face and lowers herself onto his outstretched tongue. He wraps his arms around the tops of her thighs, holding her in place as he flicks his tongue over her clit.

“That feels so fucking good,” she moans. Joel’s eyes are glued to her face in anticipation of the moment she falls apart. That moment is going to come sooner rather than later; it only takes about a minute of him swirling his tongue around her clit to make her cum. He doesn’t stop there, cleaning up one orgasm and reveling in the taste while simultaneously leading her to another. He laps at her pussy while she unashamedly rides his face, chasing her next orgasm.

“Oh my g - fuck, please I’m cumming again!”

He moans into her pussy and reaches a hand down to wrap around his cock. He’s so hard he can’t stand it any longer. He strokes himself as she writhes above him, being anything but quiet. She falls forward and grips the headboard to steady herself. Joel sucks on her now swollen clit relentlessly and she orgasms again. He feels an immense satisfaction as she ruts against his face, babbling about how she can’t stop cumming. After three consecutive orgasms, she feels that familiar pressure building and she knows she’s about to soak him down.

“G-gonna squirt,” she manages to warn him. She lifts off his face in enough time to not completely waterboard him with the spray coming out of her. She shouts profanities, her thighs trembling, and she hears the telltale signs of him jacking off furiously.

“God damn princess, you are so fuckin’ sexy,” he compliments through gritted teeth. She collapses onto her back with her legs squeezed together, trying to catch her breath and recover from the intensity of the last several orgasms.

“Are you good?” he asks, panting a bit himself.

“Yeah, I just need a few seconds,” she replies breathlessly. He sits up and rubs her leg soothingly as she recovers. When she’s ready, she relaxes her legs and lets them fall open. He settles between them on his knees and rubs her pussy with the tip of his cock. Her hips jolt upward, clit still sensitive. He does this a few times until she’s rubbing herself on him in desperation.

“Please put it in daddy, I need to feel you inside me,” she whines. He’s as desperate as she is and he fulfills her request without hesitation.

“Fuck baby girl, you’re soakin’ wet. My cock went in so easy. S-so good, so tight, fuck,” he babbles. She loves how vocal he is and it gives her a confidence boost to hear him whimpering because of her pussy.

“You feel how fuckin’ hard I am inside this little cunt baby doll?”

“God yes, you’re stretching me out so good.”

“That’s what you do to me - make me so hard it hurts. Why do you think I’m always pawin’ at ya, huh?”

The way he’s snapping his hips into her renders her unable to answer. All she can provide are pathetic moans, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. She registers a smack across one of her breasts; the sting is delicious but the smack is still enough to get her attention.

“Answer,” he growls.

“Be-because…I - oh fuck - cause I’m a pretty girl,” she manages to answer.

“Atta girl. My beautiful…sexy…fuckin’…bombshell.”

He punctuates each word with a snap of his hips and she cries out each time. He fucks her harder and harder and she knows he’s determined to make her squirt again. She holds her legs back so he can go deeper and he leans in for a sloppy kiss.

“C’mon sugar, squirt all over me. Gimme that fuckin’ cum,” he says into her ear, his voice low and gravelly.

“Now, gonna cum now,” she pants in warning. He pulls out and she explodes, fluid coming out of her like a fountain and splashing against his chest. He rubs her clit with four fingers to prolong her orgasm while she writhes and shouts underneath him.

“Oh yeeeahh” he grits out when a few more spurts of fluid come forth. “Gimme all you got baby girl. Such a pretty little mess for me.”

When her hips still, he spreads her legs open once more and stuffs his cock back inside, going at it full force. He holds her under the crooks of her legs and grunts wildly as he chases his orgasm.

“You ready for my load baby? Daddy’s gonna fill this sweet little pussy so full.”

“Oh god yes, please fill me up daddy! Wanna be so full of you.”

“Oh fuck, here it comes. You’re makin’ me cum so hard,” he moans. He stills and shoots his load inside of her, groaning and rubbing her swollen clit with his thumb. She feels his cock pumping ropes of cum into her and his orgasm lasts for what seems like thirty seconds. When he pulls out, she doesn’t fail to notice he’s still hard. He flips her over on her stomach and pulls her hips back toward him.

“You see baby?” he says as he slides his cock back into her. “I’m still so fuckin’ hard. You make me crazy.”

He gathers her wrists behind her back in one hand and smacks her ass repeatedly with the other. All she can do is whine and whimper while he pounds into her relentlessly.

“Fuck yeah, take this cock. Daddy’s pretty slut,” he mumbles. He reaches forward and grabs a fistful of her hair, pulling slightly as he fucks into her forcefully.

“Who’s it for baby, huh? Who does this little pussy belong to?”

“Y-you daddy, belongs to you.”

“Damn right darlin’.”

Her hands grip the sheets beneath her hard enough to pull them off the corner of the mattress as he brings her to yet another orgasm. She’s lost count of the orgasms at this point.

“Look at how fuckin’ good we look baby,” he grunts, directing her attention to the mirror once more. She looks at their reflection and the sight is erotic. Joel’s body is flush, sweat droplets forming at his hairline. One hand is in her hair, the other gripping her hip. Her breasts bounce with each of his thrusts forward and both of their eyes are wild with lust.

“Oh fuck…so hot,” she moans.

“Yeah? Does my pretty wife like watching herself take daddy’s cock?”

“Yes sir!”

“And you take it so well, too. God, you’re so pretty with me inside.”

“D-daddy,” she whimpers. “I’m gonna cum again.”

“Nu-uh baby, wait for me this time.”

“Daddyyyy,” she whines.

“Don’t you cum until I say so,” he growls. As he chases his orgasm, his thrusts speed up and make it almost impossible for her to obey him.

“Look at me,” he commands. She lifts her eyes and meets his in the mirror and it’s all she can do not to cum right then.

“Please daddy, please! I need to cum, fuck, please!” she begs.

“I know baby, I know. Doin’ so good for me. Just a little longer, you can do it.”

He lets go of her hair and grips both hips so that he can pull her back to meet his thrusts. He can’t stop watching his gorgeous fucking wife take his cock in the mirror. She’s biting her bottom lip, her expression a mixture of pleasure and concentration as she attempts to stave off the orgasm she so desperately wants to have. His cock twitches inside her and she knows that he’s close.

“Cum for daddy now baby. Oh god, let me see you cum.”

She relaxes and lets the coil snap. Her vision goes white as her eyes roll back. She cries out and she hears Joel saying filthy things while he pumps her full of cum again.

“Yeah, that’s right, take this cum. My little cum slut. Fuck, I’m cumming so much.”

When both their orgasms subsided, he pulls out gingerly, his cock sensitive and spent. Her pussy is the same, red and puffy and still throbbing. They both fall onto the mattress, breathing heavily. She flips so that she’s facing him and gives him a soft smile.

“Thank you,” she says. He returns her smile and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“For the confidence boost or the dick?” he jokes. She giggles.

“Both.”

“You always have been, always will be, the most breathtaking woman I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he tells her sincerely. He places his hand on her cheek and kisses her sweetly. “The only thing I can think of that would make you even more beautiful is if you’d let me put a baby in here.”

He pats her stomach and looks at her hopefully. Her face breaks out into a grin.

“You wanna have a baby with me, huh?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

“It’s settled then,” she says, snuggling into him. “We’ll try for a baby.”

[vroomvroommbtch]

So it goes: Part 27- MI x OC

Masterlist

Summary: If it was Daniel's birthday, then there was gonna be alcohol. If there was alcohol, then Maggie was going to drink. And if Maggie was going to drink, then she would open her mouth and say a few things that she always wanted to say to Michael.

Pairing: Michael Italiano x fem!OC

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol, Maggie being a drunk mess, mentions of Z*K Br*wn and the orange tractor.

Word count: 8.7k

A/N: If this thing is up it’s because miracles do exist and I wanna thank Grammarly for making it possible with their app 😭♥️ Okay, this can be a mess because I normally edit it WAY more than I did but I’m an anxious bitch so bare with me 🫶🏻 Also if the format its fucked up I apologize bc my phone shows me a different shit than my computer and I won’t be able to fix it till I have a new charger for my goddamn computer🥲 BUT HI! Okay we’re back to the usual schedule of me taking forever to post bc vacations are over but I’m trying my best istg 😭 So, hope you like it, enjoy, thanks for the likes and let me know what you think! See ya! 🫶🏻

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Part 27 - Let me down easy.

They couldn’t catch a goddamn break. None of them could get more than a week of peace. It was like life was laughing at their faces all over again because every single time they thought things were fine, something shitty had to happen. But the ultimate shitty thing on this occasion was the British Grand Prix and how it completely ruined Daniel’s birthday weekend.

It started okay. It started more than okay because they were in the UK so it mean their families and friends coming for the race and especially for Daniel’s birthday. It also meant Olivia spending time with her grandparents because Joe and Grace flew to the UK too, so they were all kisses, hugs, and smiles.

That’s actually how things have been for the last month. First, it was Maggie’s birthday and all the happiness it brought her. A week later Jas' birthday came, which was just a little happy celebration with just the six of them in Canada, where Jas insisted that she would have loved to have her family and friends over, but she was happy to have her little family with her and that they could all celebrate later when they get together for Daniel’s birthday. But then Montana came and that was Maggie’s little piece of heaven.

Montana wasn’t in Maggie’s plan. She wasn’t planning to go there after Canada. Instead, she was planning to fly back to Dublin, stay some days there, and then go to the UK in time for the Silverstone race, but none of that happened. The second Daniel hear the words ‘Dublin’ and ‘Flight’ coming from her, he insisted that she couldn’t miss their trip. Besides, Daniel insisted that they didn’t want to handle Michael and his lovesick puppy face because he missed her, so she needed to go. On the other side, there was Jas, Blake, and Michael telling Maggie to do whatever she wanted to do, but deep down she could see how Michael wanted her to go with them, so she didn’t have many options. It took half an hour, a soft ‘I’d love you to come with us’ from Michael and one very much insisting Daniel for her to say yes, but she didn’t regret it.

Montana was somehow a gift to all of them. It was like the breeze of fresh air they needed desperately. Maybe it was the fresh air or the fact that they didn’t have to think about planes and flights and all that for a week, but Maggie was happy. She had been drawing more than she had been doing in months, she had been learning how to play the ukulele that Daniel gave her for her birthday, and she had been laughing her ass off constantly thanks to their friends, so it was good.

What made everything better was how happy her family was. Daniel was all happy to be able to be a full-time dad the whole week without having to worry about interviews, publicity, racing, or going to the MTC. Jas was happy to spend time with her fiancée and her daughter and Olivia were just over the moon about everything. She was everybody’s toy and the little spoiled tiny queen of the group, and even if Olivia was just a five-month-old baby, she loved it. Just like her dad, Olivia loved people, she loved to play with people and they knew it would be a different story if she could walk because she would be everywhere. They also knew she wouldn’t stop talking if she already knew how to do it, but meanwhile, she was a happy, giggly, babbling thing who loved to play peekaboo with whoever was available and ready to be her play date.

And to add to all that, things with Michael were better than ever. Even if they had a still pendent talk for the summer break, they were almost back together. They were sharing a room without silly excuses and without sneaking into each other’s room, they were waking up and going to bed together, they would go hand in hand everywhere like they used to, and Michael would tell to everyone who would listen that Maggie was his girlfriend. He was a happy man saying she was his girl and Maggie was over the goddamn moon.

Everything about that damn trip has her over the moon, but especially those little stolen moments with Michael. From riding a horse like she always wanted to and finally doing it with him because she was too scared to do it alone the first time, laughing so uncontrollably that her tears were streaming down her face, snuggling on his lap by the fire at night and sharing beers while they watched a rodeo, it was all a dream. Even trying to warm him up with a towel and wrapping her arms around his body after he and the boys jumped into the goddamn cold river was a damn delight. It was just one memory behind another and all of them were with her family and friends, but especially with Michael, so it was one of the best trips of her life.

But just like it came, it went away. Their little week was over and they had to go back to reality, flight to London and they all went back to their regular schedules and normal lives, which sucked. But the thing that London brought back and that did not suck at all was Maggie’s return to her favorite place in the UK -and in the whole world- and that was Michael’s apartment. After months of coming and going from Lily’s to Jas and Daniel’s apartment, Maggie wasn’t thinking about where she was going to stay when they landed in London. Even if she had the keys and she could go whenever she wanted, Maggie was too tired to go all the way to Lily’s, so she figured the best thing was to stay with Daniel and Jas. She didn’t even ask simply because she didn’t have to, but the one who asked was Michel.

She wasn’t expecting the question, not when they were in a plane flighting over the middle of the ocean. She wasn’t expecting it while she was trying to get some sleep against his shoulder while Michael was reading a book on his Kindle. She wasn’t expecting it, but suddenly another kiss on her head and a whisper brought her back to reality, making her look up at him. Not even the grumpy mood she was in for yet again not being able to sleep on a plane stopped her from smiling at him. And out of nowhere, Michael asked where she was planning to stay when they get to London. She was too sleepy to answer, so she just whispered a little ‘Dunno’ as she shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. She wasn’t looking for anything with that answer, she was just being honest because she had a slight idea but she wanted to lay down on the first bed she could find. And since she wasn’t looking for anything, it took her by surprise when Michael asked if she wanted to stay with him those couple of days until they went to Silverstone. She could see the expectation in his eyes when he asked. She could see how he was worried about a negative because she hasn’t stayed there in too long. She could see how Michael wanted her to say yes.

Her answer was an absolute yes. There was no doubt she was going to say yes to such a proposal when she missed that place more than any other. But before Maggie said yes, she moved her hand up to cup his cheek as she gave him the softest and smallest kiss, whispering against his lips that she missed his bed. That was the shortest way she could find to say she missed every single thing about that apartment, but Michael didn’t need explanations.

But what finally made her say yes with both her words and her head was his answer. The second he whispered ‘Then come home’, Maggie could have sworn her heart jumped out of happiness. It took all from her to not cry right there in the middle of the plane, so to calm herself she nodded while she whispered ‘Okay’ against his lips, stealing one kiss and then another. That made the trick finally made her fall asleep. Knowing that in just a couple of hours she was gonna be in bed right there at his place was like a magical solution to her problems.

But the real solution to almost all of her problems was finally walking inside the apartment. It was coming home after a terrible trip that lasted months, all to find her things still there where she left them. Her books were still on one of the shelves in the living room, her favorite blanket perfectly folded and resting on the back of the cream couch, her favorite cup in the kitchen, her shampoo and all her things were still in the bathroom, and the drawers were her things used to be were still empty waiting for her things to be back.

But what made her heart melt was the picture on his nightstand. For years the last three years it has been the same picture of Maggie smiling at the camera. He took it in Abu Dhabi, the first time Maggie spend his birthday with him even if they were surrounded by people and even if they were nothing serious. She was smiling because the one behind the camera was Michael, but also because he was telling her how happy he was that she did everything in her power to fly in time and spend the day with him. She was smiling because Michael was telling her that she looked beautiful even when she knew she was a little disaster fucked, with her hair all messy after being against the pillow and lips all swollen and red after spending so much time making out. She was a mess but how happy she was to be sitting in the middle of that bed, wearing nothing but his shirt and her panties and not caring if someone could find them.

Maggie knew perfectly fine how Michael had every single picture of her and them together hiding on his phone. She wasn’t surprised because she did the same thing. Every single piece of evidence about what they had was hidden on their phone and that’s how things were until everybody found out about them. The same thing happened with that picture on his nightstand. Maggie knew that Michael used to hide it in the drawer of his nightstand every time someone went to his place. He hated to do it but nobody could know about it. It was their little secret so nobody could know, but that picture was a vivid memory of those days. Every single time she got into the bedroom and saw that picture, Maggie couldn’t help but look at that little happy twenty-five years old version of herself and think of how everything changed. All that twenty-five years old kid wanted was to be able to sneak and steal a couple of stolen hours with the boy who she liked, the one she was convinced she could never have for more than some stolen nights.

But the twenty-eight years old actual version of herself kept wanting the same thing. In the middle of all the mess and the rollercoasters and everything that happened in between, all she wanted was the same guy she liked so much, the one that she finally got, the one that she thought she lost and that finally now she was feeling that she was finally getting back. The one that was making dinner reservations so they could go with Jas, Daniel, and Olivia that night.

It was the same guy that found her looking at the new picture on his nightstand because he changed it for one with Maggie and Olivia. They were in Perth and everyone was happy because the youngest Ricciardo was finally in his father’s hometown. In the middle of the mess of things and suitcases, there was Maggie, holding Olivia in her arms as she showed her around the place. Maggie knew perfectly fine a two and a half months baby would never understand what she was saying, but she knew talking to babies was good for the development of the brain, so she did it. She went around showing her the house and where everything was and then she went outside and did the same thing. That’s exactly when Michael took the picture. Maggie joked about how much he loved to take pictures of her in her worse moments because she was a disaster again, just out of a plane after an insanely long plane, barefoot wearing one of his shirts, messy ponytail, and no makeup, but the smile on her face was huge. She looked happy because she was in one of her favorite places in the world with her whole family and it was all good.

And just like that afternoon in Perth but months later, everything was good in London too. She was with her back against Michael’s body as she looked at the picture on his nightstand, all while he held her close with both arms around her waist, and it was good. It was all good. And it felt good.

Everything was incredibly good all week, but then the race happened and it was a disaster. And since it was a disaster and grandparents were in town to look after Olivia, they decided to drink. It took them five minutes to decide where, but then they agreed the low-key place to go was Lily’s apartment because the neighbors in front of her were her friends and the neighbors downstairs were on vacation, so there was gonna be zero complaints. Once the location was all settled and done and Daniel was done with media and debriefing, they all drove back to London and before they all knew it, there were bottles and pizza boxes everywhere. From tequila to wine and bottles the champagne, there was everything because Lily was always a wonderful hostess and she said that her Aussie brother deserved nothing but the best for that celebration. Besides, it was a double celebration considering that none of their friends were around for Jas’ birthday, so double the celebration, double the bottles.

And like Cam used to say ‘Double the bottle, double the trouble’

“Okay, okay c’mere to me, y’all!” Lily yelled, standing in the chair where she was sitting before, hitting the glass of champagne in her hand with one of her rings so they would pay attention to her.

“Lil you’re already drunk, babe” Jas laughed, as they all turned to look at Lily.

“Shush! I wanna make a toast!” Lily exclaimed, finally making Jas stay in silence so she could start talking. “First, thank you for coming to my humble residency, make yourself at home, and please don’t puke in my plans or my vases” she joked, making everyone in the room laugh with her. “No, but for real this time, I wanna make a toast, first to the beautiful Jas, the woman who treated me like nothing but a sister since I can remember. I love you and I’m nothing but proud of you and to see the wonderful woman you became and especially to see the wonderful and cool mom you are. And to the birthday boy. My mate, you’re the coolest friend and dad out there, D. Also you’re the best and fastest racing driver in the whole goddamn world, no matter what results or your goddamn team says. This is my flat and I make the rules so fuck em all. I think I talk for all of us when I say you both are the glue that keeps this crazy family together. And I think I also talk for all of us when I say we all love you with all our hearts, so happy birthday to you both. Cheers!” Lily yelled all happy, but before she raised her glass, she was talking again. “Sorry, no! I mean Enchanté! But hey also a toast in honor for dear Mr. Zak Brown and his team with his shitty orange tractor!”

That last part had everyone laughing after a general Enchanté from the group as they raised their glasses and bottles. Of course, they all were laughing because after the disaster of a race there was nothing else they could do, especially Daniel. But between all the laughs and smiles, there was Michael. “Don’t be mean, Lil” he smiled as he shook his head.

Of course, he was the one who said that. Maggie wasn’t surprised he was the one who said that. There was nobody in the world as good as comprehensive as the man by her side resting his free hand on her waist. Every single day Maggie wished she could be half as comprehensive as her boyfriend was; she wanted to be half of the good person he also was, but that night it wasn’t gonna happen.

“Mean? I am mean? Shut up, mate! You’re too good” Lily asked, getting down from the chair as she laughed.

“Are you serious saying she’s mean? Really babe?” Maggie also wondered, looking up to her boyfriend with a tiny smile on her face. “Okay listen to me because I’m gonna say something too” she stated, walking to the chair where Lily was standing before so she could give another speech to her friends.

“You tell 'em kiddo!” Ben yelled from the couch as Cam on his side applauded, both with big smiles on their faces.

“Listen to me, you flutered bastards! I wanna make a toast for this mate right here” Maggie pointed to Daniel, who automatically raised his beer as everyone cheered for him. “My boyfriend here is the most wonderful person in the whole universe and he says we’re mean for calling the orange car a tractor, but hey! Maybe you’re right, love, I mean tractors are faster”. And there was again, everyone in the drunk laughing because of a stupid comment. But the good thing was that even Daniel was laughing. Even with all the shit he was going through he was laughing and Maggie couldn’t love her brother-in-law more. “But for real, I wanna make a toast for our Danny boy, because this man right here gets his ass in that bloody car almost every single weekend to drive at 300 hundred and something kilometers per hour. He goes and works his ass off all damn day every single day to be the best of the best and not only does he do that, but he’s also the coolest dad and friend and he’s always there for us. We don’t appreciate you enough, bro. You have a daughter and a wife and a mom and dad and a family and friends who love you so damn much and there you go risking your life every single fucking weekend to do your job and what does your team do? Give you a shitty strategy and an even shitty car, goddamn it! They fuck you up every single time and you go and put on a smile like the good guy you are! They don’t deserve you, mate. They don’t deserve you and you deserve way better” she finally breathed, blowing Daniel a kiss as all the room cheered again before she continued, all while looking back at Michael. “So, mon amour, my girl Lilian might be mean, and I might be mean. Damn, I might be a mythic bitch, but I can assure you, the CEO who promised Danny everything and more is meaner than us. So happy birthday, Enchanté, and cheers to you Dan, and that orange tractor. May life bring you nothing but happiness and a winning car because you deserve a championship more than any other human being out there”

Maggie didn’t need to get down from the chair because Daniel did the job. With the biggest hug that possibly existed, Daniel held her as tightly as possible and then stayed there for a bit more after Maggie finally put her feet on the ground. She knew perfectly final after that terrible day he needed all the love, hugs, and affection he could get, so she didn’t let him go. She didn’t let him go until he did, but before that happened, Daniel kissed her on the head. “Thanks for having my back, kiddo”

“I’ll always have your back, mate. That’s what family does. Besides I somehow still have to pay you back for introducing me to that handsome friend of yours” Maggie shrugged, slapping his chest as carefully as possible, knowing perfectly fine that even when they were partying, Daniel must be destroyed after the race.

“He’s a cunt but he’s alright I guess” Daniel shrugged too, looking back for a second to where Michael was standing and then back to Maggie. “I love you, y’know that?”

“I know, D. I love you too” she winked.

But before Maggie could do anything, she felt two hands on her shoulders and there was no need to turn around to know who those hands belonged. She knew those rings and those always black nails too well to not recognize her sister’s hands, so she leaned on the side so Jas would stroke her cheek.

“You’re right and they’re cunts” Jas pointed out, letting her sister go to be able to hug Daniel’s side. “We all know they’re cunts”

“See? Your wife says so! They’re an absolute geebag” Maggie insisted, pointing to her sister, trying to somehow show Daniel that she was right about what she said in her speech.

To say things between McLaren and the Irish sisters weren’t nice was nothing but an understatement. To say things between any of their friends and family members and McLaren weren’t nice was more likely. They were all pissed. David, the all-time McLaren fan was in the middle of a breakup situation with the team, not believing how they were treating his son-in-law. On the other side was André, the French grandfather with the biggest ‘I knew he shouldn’t have left Renault’ speech buried deep inside his heart but without telling anything to Daniel because he didn’t need more pressure than what he already had. Then there were their friends who refused to go to the race with Mclaren’s shirts even if they had a 3 on them and instead they all went with Daniel shirts because Jas designed them and because they felt represented Daniel way more than with the team shirt. Then was Esme and Aoife and both of them wanted to go and give Zak and Andreas a piece of their mind because they were overprotective mothers and grandmothers and they hated when someone messed with their family.

Then there was Maggie who was pissed. She was absolutely pissed when she heard Zak talking about Daniel, but she had Michael calming her down like always. He was there telling her that’s how the sport was and how he understood why she was mad, but that there was nothing they could really do except support Daniel.

But if Maggie was pissed then Jas was furious. When the declarations before Monaco surfaced, Jas wanted to take the first flight to wherever Zak Brown was and give him more than a piece of her mind. She wanted to have a long talk with him, but Daniel calmed her down which was probably worse.

Maggie and Jas were almost like twins but the difference was that, when Maggie bottled something up, it ended up running wild in her mind until she let it go. But with Jas, there was no letting it go. When Jas bottled something inside her and especially when someone messed with her family, all that grew inside her and that fire ended up turning into a bomb. She was like that when someone messed with any of her friends or family, but it was a hundred times worse when someone messed up with Daniel.

From day one Jas needed to protect him. She had the feeling inside her and it just grew bigger and bigger as the time with Daniel passed. She knew it was impossible all things considered, but she needed to try and, at least, protect him as much as possible. So when her husband’s boss said the things he said and when Jas couldn’t take it out, it turned into a bomb. Everyone was expecting it to be a mass destruction kind of bomb, but instead, it was like a silent one that would kill slowly.

Jas used to like Zak, he looked like a friendly guy and she decided to believe him when he promised to give Daniel a fast car to win races, but one day all of it changed. From chatting at the paddock and the garage and even at the MTC, Jas went from that to refuse to go with Daniel to having dinner with Zak simply because she didn’t want to fake a smile the whole dinner. She begged her future husband to forgive her for not going with him and invent some excuse as to why she wasn’t going, knowing perfectly fine that wherever Daniel was going, Jas was going too. That’s how things always were no matter the team he was in. It didn’t matter where or when, Jas was always his plus one, always by his side with a smile on her face, always trying to rise to the occasion. For four years Jas never refused an invitation and she was always ready to go, but she refused to be at the same table as her fiancée’s boss. So from a friendly talk, she went to a serious and deadly ‘Morning’ the first time she ran into him that first morning at Silverstone. Maggie did exactly the same thing and then both the sisters went to their business talking about whatever topic they were talking about.

Maggie knew Jas wasn’t planning to talk to him that weekend. It was Daniel’s birthday weekend so she wasn’t planning to ruin it, but it all went to hell on Saturday. Jas was joking with Dom and Maggie at the paddock, right in front of the Mclaren building when apparently someone heard their jokes. It was right after FP3 and before quali that Blake went to find Jas and she didn’t need him to say a thing to know something was happening. Maggie was right with her when it happened and she also knew there was something wrong, but her first thought was Daniel. What none of them were expecting was Blake saying that Zak was looking for Jas to talk to her. Blake offered to go to her but all Jas said was a simple and short ‘Thanks B, but I can deal with this shit on my own’ before she went straight to Zak’s office.

Ten minutes later Jas came out, just as serious as when she went in. To say everyone was expecting her to say what the hell happened inside that office was not enough. They were too curious and too worried, but Jas didn’t say a thing. She just whispered that it was all fine and settled. It wasn’t until she went with Maggie to Daniel’s driver's room before quali that she told Daniel, Blake, and Michael what she and Zak talked about. It wasn’t pretty at all. It was civilized but it wasn’t nice. Maggie was surprised they would let Jas get inside the Mclaren garage and hospitality again, but she was absolutely proud of her sister. And by far her favorite part of the talk was the last thing Jas said to Zak. ‘He’s Daniel Ricciardo, the Gran Prix winner, the man who people love and the man who gave you your first victory in a decade. He’s the only driver who gave you a win since you have been in charge of the team. But you? You’re just some CEO who failed during his time at Mclaren and the man who’s trying to ruin one of his driver’s career and reputation to justify the incompetence of his team. But let me tell you one little thing, Zak. You picked the wrong guy to fuck it with so good luck doing it’.

Everyone’s jaw dropped when they heard those words coming from Jas. Maggie knew perfectly fine her sister was capable of that and much more. Damn, the boys knew it too, but they were in a mix of surprise and disbelief. But then they were all trying to figure out what the hell to do. Daniel was all proud of his wife, Maggie proud of her sister all while Michael and Blake were trying to convince Jas to apologize before everything became worse. But Jas didn’t apologize. She stood tall in the garage the rest of the Saturday and then all Sunday. But the one who talked with his boss was Daniel. They talked that same Saturday after the quali, but for what Michael told Maggie, Daniel didn’t go to apologize about his future wife’s words, he just went to make clear he was gonna put his family first in any kind of a dispute.

But the detail that Jas forgot to tell them and that she remembered later was nothing but the fact that she disinvited Zak to the wedding, which made Maggie laugh her ass off as soon as she heard it. So after all, it wasn’t weird to hear Jas saying they were a bunch of cunts.

“And my wife is always right” Daniel affirmed, kissing Jas’ forehead.

And just like she didn’t need to know Jas was the one placing her hands on Maggie’s shoulders, this time Maggie didn’t need to know the one placing his arms around her waist and hugging her from behind was Michael. She could recognize his hands and arms anywhere, but most importantly, she could recognize his touch anywhere. “Talking about wives, here’s mine” he smiled, bending down enough to be able to kiss her left cheek and then her neck.

‘Here’s mine’. If he was trying to kill her that night he wasn’t that far from getting it.

“Hey you pretty boy, when are you gonna put a ring on my baby sis’ hand? And not that cute little one you gave her. I mean a real stone” Jas asked, making Maggie choke with her beer as Daniel laughed his ass off.

“Wow, no pressure” Maggie coughed, trying to breathe normally again so she could keep talking. “This is the part of our lives where everyone around us starts to get married and have babies and I’m kind of scared so chill, for fuck’s sake” she practically begged, leaning her back against Michael’s chest.

Maggie wasn’t joking when she said people around them were starting to get married and have babies. Jas and Daniel were getting married in a month, Dom proposed to Sara one week ago and they were getting married at the end of the year and she knew Ben was looking for a ring to finally propose to Cam after a lifetime together, so that left just Lily who was single and Maggie and Michael who were in their little word. That plus Olivia bringing the baby fever to the group was making Maggie feel nothing but pressure. But there was Michael, kissing her head, holding her closer with his arms around her waist and his hands resting on her stomach, making Maggie forget about all the problems and worries.

“Listen, I’m not planning to run away and I’m especially not planning to let her run away, so don’t worry. The rings and the kneeling will come eventually” he explained, kissing her cheek again, tickling her with his stubble.

But before Maggie could say anything, Lily was dragging Maggie to the kitchen without giving her time to kiss Michael. And maybe Maggie shouldn’t have followed her friend, because two hour later she was drunk. She tried to convince herself she wasn’t drunk drunk, but she was definitely not sober. And when Maggie wasn’t sober, she would always look for Michael because if he was around, she would automatically turn into an affectionate and clingy kind of drunk, needing nothing but love from the man of her dreams.

“Heyyy that’s my Mikey! I was looking for you!” Maggie exclaimed as soon as she saw Michael in the living room, opening her arms to hug him and resting her head on his chest.

It was an automatic response for him to hug her. It was automatic for him to place his arms around her waist and kiss her head, and she loved to feel his smile against her skin, almost as much as she loved the way he smelled. “I was just talking with Ben and Dom at the balcony, sweetheart”

“I missed you. I really, really missed you” she spoke against his shirt and she had no idea if he hear over the music, but her brain was yelling that she needed to tell him. He needed to know, so she just went with it.

“I missed you too, baby girl” Michael affirmed, kissing her once again as he moved his hands over her back, stroking her slowly.

“Listen to me. I had a bloody brilliant idea!” Maggie suddenly said, moving away enough to look up at his eyes, but never leaving the warmth and comfort of his arms and his body. But before she could say whatever she was gonna say, she decided to change the subject even if for a second. “Did I tell you that you look quiet tidy tonight? You look so cute with this shirt” she wondered, moving her fingers over his chest, touching the white material of his shirt.

“How much did you drink, babe? Because the British in you is showing up and for it to happen you need to be very drunk. First comes Irish drunk and then British drunk. Then if you reach the Aussie drunk is cause you’re smashed”

Maggie could see his efforts to not smile. She could see how he was really trying to stay serious because clearly someone had to be responsible and look after her drunk ass, but it only made Maggie melt even more. That tiny little smile on his face and those wrinkles on his eyes just made her go feral, losing the point for a second as she kissed his chest and hugged his waist tighter.

“Doesn’t matter, but listen to me! I wanna take you on a date!” she suddenly exclaimed, moving her hands up and placing them on his neck.

Maggie wanted to act like she wasn’t that drunk, but she realized that maybe she was very much drunk when she didn’t realize that Michael made them move to one of the chairs on the small balcony. At least she didn’t realize it until she was sitting there on his lap, which made her smile more because she loved to sit on his lap and snuggle there as long as she could.

“You wanna take me on a date? There’s no need to do that, sweetheart” Michael smiled, moving her hair out of her neck and shoulders and then stroking her cheeks with one hand, all as he held her waist with the other one, making sure she wasn’t gonna fall anywhere.

“But I want to! I wanna doll up and dress all nice for you and pick a cute place to go! We never do that. We never go out alone. We can count with both hands how many times we actually went alone on dates. I mean, I can’t count right now 'cause I’m kind of sloshed but you get it” she insisted, looking at him with the bigger pout trying to convince him.

And Maggie knew it worked as soon as Michael traced the pad of his thumb over her lower lip, so she made it more difficult for him as she kissed his thumb, all while a little smile appeared on her face. “Yeah, I get it. And you’re kind of right about it. We didn’t get that lucky with timing for dates”

“See? I’m right. Besides, I gotta win my baby boy back. I gotta show my favorite Aussie man how much I love him” she murmured, closing her eyes as she let Michael stroke her cheek with his thumb. “I gotta win my boy’s heart back”

Since her eyes were closed, Maggie had no idea what to expect, but it was more than a happy surprise when she suddenly felt Michael’s lips over hers. It wasn’t a deep, passionate kiss, it was the contrary. He was so soft, so sweet, so gentle and so loving that Maggie wanted to stay there forever. It was just slow and so full of love, just sharing peck after peck like there was nobody else around. There was no hurry and pressure, so it made it all better.

“Sweetie, you don’t have to do any of that to win me because I’m all yours, you hear me? I’m all yours” Michael whispered against her lips, almost like a secret between them. Everyone there knew it, but she loved that little secrecy. “But we’re gonna go on a date. I promise that we’re going somewhere nice this week before we go to Austria”

“We can go next week. We have a free week. Or we can wait for France and you take me on a date in Paris. That’s romantic shit” she giggled like a little girl, pecking his lips like it was the biggest secret in the world and then hiding her face against Michael’s neck after that short kiss.

“I thought you were taking me on a date”

“I take you to one here, you take me on one next week, and then we decide one together in Paris. J'aime Paris mais je t'aime plus” she giggled, all proud of herself for being able to talk in French when she was so drunk.

“I love that deal. But I love you the most” Michael affirmed, kissing her forehead as Maggie snuggled even closer to him because there was no proximity enough for her at that moment. She needed to feel him as closely as possible, so she hugged him tightly as possible, even in her drunken state.

“I love you the most” she repeated, opening her eyes to look at his face and kiss his cheek. But what caught her attention was another scene. There was Jas and Daniel, right in the middle of their mess of drunk friends, dancing like there was nobody else in the apartment. They were just holding each other, moving at their own rhythm and smiling while they kept talking about who knew what. Maggie couldn’t be happier for her sister. Jas waited for so long for someone to share her life with and she waited even more for someone like Daniel and now she finally got that. Jas got her fairytale with the man of her dreams and the most beautiful baby in the world, just like Maggie always knew her sister deserved. “You think we’ll be like that one day?? The kids, the dogs, the white picket fence with the pie at the windows?” she asked, pointing with her head to Daniel and Jas.

“You want all that? The minivan to take the kids to football practice too?”

But even in a drunk state, Maggie could notice that under that little joke there was part of truth. She knew those brown eyes too much, so she knew that little sparkle mean something and it made her stomach twist and her heart skip a beat.

“God no, I hate minivans. I could never be that kind of mom. But you? You’re totally that kind of dad. Taking the kids to football practice and being the team coach” she joked too, moving her hands to his neck, letting her fingers run through the short hair on the back of his head.

“You can bet your pretty ass, sweetheart. I mean it's my job after all” he stated, looking down at her with the biggest smile on his face. “Do you wanna have kids someday?”

To say that question took her by surprise was an understatement. It took the air out of her lungs completely. Maybe the shock was bigger because she was drunk, but whatever the reason was, it hit her differently. They have always joked about it, they did it more than once but Michael never asked if she really wanted kids. It was always teasing about assumptions of how things would be if they had kids one day, but nothing more than that. She never dared to ask either, too scared to ruin it with the question, too afraid to hear the answer, and even more terrified of what could happen if they were on different pages.

“What kind of question is that? Of course I want, but just with you. Wouldn’t have a baby with anyone else than with my baby” Maggie admitted, looking up into his eyes again. That was her chance to do it. That was her chance to find the answer to her very simple and yet so complicated question, so she took a deep breath and let it go before she finally threw it. “What about you?”

It was another whisper that she wasn’t sure Michael could hear over the music. It was just another murmur carried by the breeze, not really knowing if it was gonna be answered. But then Michael smiled at her. He smiled like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like it was easy to answer and even easier to make it happen. He smiled like that was the most logical thing in the world and like it was something that was gonna happen soon.

“I want everything with you” Michael wondered, kissing her forehead a couple of times, all while her heart jumped with happiness thanks to his answer. “How many do you want?”

“Two. I have two hands so that’s it. That’s all I can control considering I can barely take care of myself” she giggled, kissing his cheek and jaw.

“Hey, I’m here to help take care of yourself, beautiful” he affirmed like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And meanwhile, Maggie thought it was going to be a way better idea to get up and sit again on his lap, but this time facing Michael and placing her legs on both sides of his. “Also two it's good. I like it. And I could always convince you to have another one”

It was ridiculous, but as soon as Michael said that she was giggling like a little kid, hiding her face on his neck as he placed his hands protectively around her waist once again, holding her close and making sure she wouldn’t fall at any second.

“I don’t think so, stallion. Three it's like too much, especially if they’ve your energy. But hey, c’mere to me, you going to S and Dom’s wedding? S told me you’re invited”

Sara and Dom’s engagement were pretty much the subject of the weekend. That, the Ricciardos’ wedding and Daniel’s birthday, and everyone’s hate against McLaren were the four subjects. Sara and Dom were trying to keep the news of their engagement and tell everyone after Daniel’s birthday because they didn’t want to steal the spotlight on his weekend, but they were two sillies. Between Sara forgetting to take off her engagement ring and Dom not being able to keep his mouth closed, they blew it and ended up admitting and telling everyone about it. So now all the talks were about weddings and invitations and preparations for it, which was nothing but fun.

“Do you want me to be your plus one?”

“You’re the only plus one I want” Maggie confessed, even if it wasn’t a secret. But instead of answering, Michael smiled. It seemed like the answer to every single question they had was gonna be a smile. But Maggie was more than okay with that. They knew each other like the back of their hands, so there was no need to say it to know what was on his mind. The happiness of hearing her say those words was all around him, showing up not only in his smile but also in the way his eyes were shining. “Besides it's gonna be during winter so I’ll need someone keeping me warm”. Not that there was any need of convincing him, but she could try.

“Just tell me when and I’ll be there” Michael agreed, kissing her temple, her cheek, and then her lips. “Besides, I’d never miss the chance to get under your skirt after the wedding”

“Or during the wedding. We do love toilets. You putting a baby inside me during a wedding would be a hell of a story”

Just like Maggie knew Michael enough to know the jokes were hiding part of truth in them, she also knew Michael was trying to calm himself as they talked. She could feel the shifting in the chair, the way he was trying to keep his breathing calm and steady, and especially the way his arms squeezed her body against his a bit tighter. She knew perfectly fine all that drunk talk was doing things to Michael, and how she loved it, even if she was probably going to die of embarrassment the next morning. “I think we should plan that a bit more. Timing is not really on our side right now, baby”

“But think of how fun it would be to make it, Mikey. All the practice so you can finally be my baby daddy” she whispered against his ear, kissing the spot on his neck that Maggie knew would make him tremble. “We can even start practicing today”

But again, Michael did nothing. He and his composure made him stay still, taking deep breaths as his head leaned against hers. “One day, sweetheart. I promise you one day it will happen, but not tonight. We’ve to go home and we’re gonna give you a warm bath, a warm tea, and then straight to bed. And no complaining. You gotta let me take care of you”

Maggie knew perfectly fine it wasn’t a question. She knew perfectly there was no way that she would convince him to do anything because she was drunk and he was a sunshine in form of a handsome Aussie man. There was no way anything was gonna happen that night and, even when she was dying to get inside his jeans, she couldn’t be more grateful to have to sweetest, most caring, and a wonderful boyfriend in the world who was ready to carry her drunk all the way home, make her a tea and then give her a bath to fight her deplorable state. Plus, Maggie knew he was also gonna look after her hangover ass the next morning, so she needed to make a mental note to thank him in some way.

“Just cause I fancy you” she stated, kissing his cheek and then moving just enough to look at his face once again. “You’re gonna miss me when I leave to go to Dublin?” she wondered out of nothing.

“You’ll be away one week” Michael pointed out, resting their foreheads together, sharing the same air as their noses brushed slightly, moving his hands under her shirt and resting them again on her lower back.

Michael wasn’t joking when he said Maggie was going to be away one week. Instead of going to Hungary with them, she was going to fly to Dublin to help her mom and the girls with the last-minute organization and preparation for Jas and Daniel’s wedding. Better said, with the first or their two weddings. The first was going to be in Dublin and it was gonna be way more intimate, just close family and friends, and then the big one was gonna be at winter break during the Australian summer. That meant Maggie and Michael being away from each other for a whole week, which haven’t happened in months, so it was starting to make Maggie feel a bit anxious even if it was illogical.

But the most illogical thing was the fact that she didn’t get the joke the first time she heard it, all thanks to the alcohol inside her body. “And? That means you won’t miss me?”

And there was again, the soft smile on his face, the shiny eyes looking at her and his left hand going from her back to her face, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb, being so careful about it that it looked like Maggie was going to break at any second. “I’m gonna miss you every second of every single day till I see you again, Margaret”

“That’s what I wanted to hear” she murmured as she kissed the palm of his hand and leaned her head against it, closing her eyes for a second that felt like a century. “Babe, I want fairy cakes. Or better, your banana muffins. But with chocolate chips and nuts. Can we have some of those?”

“I’m making you some tomorrow morning. Otherwise, you’ll get all grumpy” Michael joked, which made Maggie tickle his sides to make him laugh, making her feel all happy and warm inside thanks to that sound.

“Hey, I’m not grumpy. Not with you”

“You’re grumpy when you’re hangover and when you’re sleepy. And sometimes when you’re tired. But I also know you get grumpy with everyone else except with me” he clarified.

Michael was right when he said Maggie was never grumpy with him. In fact, he was the only solution for her grumpiness. That or a nap or sometimes ice cream was what would get her out of that state. But Michael was the most efficient solution for it, fixing everything with some hugs, some kisses, or even just being there by her side. Sometimes something as simple as holding her hand or placing one of his hands on any part of her body would make her feel at ease. It worked because the grumpiness would turn into clinginess as she wouldn’t let him go from her side, focusing on nothing but the way he would move his fingers over her skin as he promised that everything was going to be okay.

“Cause you’re my baby. You’re my sunshine and my love and all my dreams come true and you’re the prettiest” she explained, cupping his face between her hands as she spoke. “Like you have the prettiest face in the world. Did I tell you before how much I like your face? I love your freckles and your pretty brown eyes. I really hope all our babies look like you cause then they’ll be the prettiest babies in the world”

“I love your face too, sweetheart. But I insist, I love you more” he insisted, giving her a soft, little kiss on her lips, making her smile again. “Let's get you some water and then I’m calling us an Uber so we go home, yeah? You need to get some rest”

“You’re taking me home?” Maggie wondered, as her shiny eyes looked up at him with nothing but expectation for his answer. For a second Maggie forgot she was staying with Michael again. She was so used to going from one to another and not staying with him and she was so drunk that her messed-up brain was nothing but confused. She needed to know if they were going home. She needed to know if they were going together back to his place. She needed to know if she wasn’t imagining things and if she was finally going back home with the man she loved.

“Yeah, princess, I’m taking us home” Michael answered, and with that Maggie let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

That’s when Maggie finally got to catch a break.

---

Taglist

@jamminvroomvroom​ @starlightoctavia @dr3lover​ @monte-carlando​ @brightlightsinlife​

[luzho]

okay. i finished Foundation and Earth. here are my thoughts (spoilers ahead, naturally. if u care, dont worry if u dont)

so. first i gotta say i am satisfied with this pursuit of an apparently long forgotten earth. i liked the slow burn. i, as an earth citizen, like knowing how close they keep coming to earth (knowing they reached alpha centauri was EXHILARATING!). and i also liked seeing this extrapolation of some of asimov’s other worlds. earlier worlds if u will.

BUT! i’m not much of a fan of many portrayals, repetitive discussions and the lack of actual foundation in this one. i forgave Foundation’s Edge longer format (vs. true foundation episodic format) because i liked seeing so many galactic powers meet and clash at the climax! and seeing them all in a quick apparent resolution, known to only a few of those who understood what Seldon’s Plan just did (and to the reader). but this? not sold

i liked seeing them become friends, but fuck, i get why Trevize and Bliss found each other so fucking annoying so many times. shut up you two

R. DANEEL OLIVAW FUCKING SHOWED UP!! a true celebrity. what a robot. i imagined him as an older and more tired Miguel O’Hara

very twisted thing to do: merge himself with that Fallom kid…… i was very appalled when mr. Olivaw said that

i saw this in a 2009 forum: i struggle with the ending because i cant believe Trevize accepted that reasoning for Galaxia. “oh yeah fuck being an individual and lets implement a galaxy-wide GROUP CONSCIOUSNESS, so that if an alien species ever leaves their own galaxy and decides to invades us, they will never be able to turn us against ourselves!”. huh?? yeah unity whatever but to me, this doesn’t fix any of the holes Trevize himself pointed out during the book. it doesn’t even guarantee that the alleged aliens would not be able to just destroy us any other way

oh the fucking ending that insinuated such an alien enemy species was already in the galaxy. the Solarians. yes the fucking feudalist shut-ins. yeah yeah whatever i wish the foundation would just fucking blast them out of the cosmos. that whole planet is awful and insulting

i liked Melponomia or whatever it was named. space walk! future ruins! that’s fun

WHY WAS IT NEVER EXPLAINED HOW WAS IT THAT TREVIZE POSSESSED AN ALWAYS-RIGHT INTUITION??? everything else is plausible within the nature of advanced physical, mental and psychohistorical sciences but… That, never gets explained. even the fucking Mule was explained as a rogue Gaian. but a human being who just happens to intuitively know what’s Right without reasoning… just happened to be born at the right time?? why. how is that even possible

i read somewhere that fundamentally, Asimov portrayed a society that didn’t change and that all characters were flat. here we saw many radically different societies that did evolve in isolation and to very weird results. but yep. the men who star here and the galactic society they come from is just so… painfully XX century. i find ridiculous how this guy could fathom galactic expansion in 20,000 years… but only 3 women as the mayor for 500 years in THAT distant future. the characters have a discussion on Fallom’s pronouns for fucks sake!!!

one of the axioms of psychohistory is that human society would not fundamentally change for millennia (which allows for statistically predicting the galaxy’s development!)… but, i think THAT is a fundamental flaw in the premise of the entire saga. how is it possible that it wouldn’t?? i thought that was gonna be the plot twist, the flaw in Seldons Plan that Trevize had been looking for in the two novels. no, it was fucking ‘what if evil aliens!’

there was virtually no foundation in “Foundation and Earth”. fuck off

i didn’t like the book much, in short. the trilogy is undefeated man.

EDIT A COUPLE OF MINUTES AFTER POSTING AND CONTINUING READING SAID FORUM: oh fuck. Fallom will grow and eventually will be able to reproduce asexually (one of the Solarians’ mutations). that means Olivaw, now merged onto Fallom, could transfer his brain onto that offspring. indefinitely. and that forum also reminded me of Olivaw’s powers: he can manipulate minds. Trevize and his crew almost instantly accept Galaxia as inevitably necessary when in the presence of the one robot that can manipulate minds and bend the robotic laws “in efforts of steering humanity out of harm’s way”… that’s twisted. i still dont like it. but if that’s what’s happening, i guess i respect that of you Asimov. i still favor your earlier work<3

CONTINUED READING THE FORUM: okay these guys proposed many more, very interesting ideas: A. Trevize IS the being of the other galaxy! Thats why he’s a neutral observer capable of pointing out the right way (kind of a reach, tbh). B. Olivaw is more wicked than i thought: he IS known for making decisions for humanity, even though no one asked him to (the zeroth law… really is a slippery slope, for it allows robots to ignore all other laws if they happen to judge that “humanity” would benefit…); he has made himself an immortal, all powerful shepherd and to save humanity, he will turn it into… something else. C. Solaria is a brain farm for him: those Solarian idiots, with their backward tech and stupid freedom ideology, would fatten themselves for the slaughter. twisted. i like it. is Olivaw a villain, in my opinion? yup, but only for destroying what humanity is (and building his perfect, eternal galaxia; which i despise only for not being us)

FINAL ADDITION OF THIS SAME NIGHT: an user correctly pointed out that probably many of us despise this book for destroying Seldons Plan. and yup. the Plan is the fucking hero of this story; and i hate knowing its not even followed through for its second half. D. yup. Solarians (individualism in extreme) would definitely be Galaxia’s (a literal hive mind) final enemy… the last foundation crisis. but that book was never written. no perdamos tiempo en hubieras.

[198d]

...

So, working on a project and one aspect of it is making a really simple scientific poster. I'm the design guy, I do the front nd design since I'm the only person who knows basic html and css, the only person who has taken art and design classes, and I do this stuff for fun so I go ahead and take charge of the poster. Plus they really just don't have the intuition for design at all, even when I or the professors give clear instructions on How To Do Things Right. We have to make tons of drafts and get feedback on them, and its kind of a dripfeed because staff would make comments on some things, neglect to comment on the other things, and make us turn in another draft based on those missed comments.

Every single fucking time my teammates would work on it, I would have to go back and fix allllllll of the margins and padding they neglected, and I would have to remake every image of a diagram into a simplified, vectorized. Every time we had to change text or images based on the feedback, I would have to go back and change those as well. Today, while I was working on this, one of my teammates was literally trying to edit the same thing at the same time (using figma and diagrams.net). I was going to lose my mind because I was just trying to fix all of the issues, like I had to do multiple times, that my teammates would neglect from the feedback, and so this was actively happening while I was trying to fix them.

I had everything in their own groups, so that it would be easy to change things out. My teammates didn't know how to work with that. Earlier teammate literally did not understand that a file cannot have two different file extensions, and sent me a rasterized image of a diagram instead of the actual editable file, because diagrams.net just lets you have an "editable (so like, able to move around the individual elements) png" saved to your google docs, exported it as a plain png and posted it in the project chat. When I couldn't open it they then tried to tell me like, well it worked for me and well it has the other extension too so it should work. It was only the filename that had the 'extension' of the proper file format. (this is the big csc senior class btw)

The fact that we went back and forth so much on that diagram to begin with was frustrating because they could've given me access to the editable file at any time, and would constantly ignore or forget feedback which meant having to fix it many, many more times, and most of those fixes were still missing the core design feedback like 'make the text size bigger' and 'eliminate unnecessary whitespace'. If anything, it would've been much better if I went through with porting it to figma instead of relying on them, but I'm over here not wanting to be a total control freak so I'm like... whatever.

So when I get access to that diagram I fix issues from all of the feedback, but at the end of our final feedback they go and try to edit at the same fucking time as I am editing, and I had been fixing the diagram all day up to that point. Then the same thing happened on the figma document, and of course they deleted my group for the section the diagram was supposed to go in, so I had to make it again, fix the margins, fix the padding, fix the sizing.

They also completely trashed my design for a page I worked on for the project itself like waay earlier in the semester, so I was like. Okay. You guys do your thing, I can put in all my junk later. I would like to avoid wasting my time as much as possible, considering how mentally ill and exhausted I already am.

oh yeah and also the examples the professors put in the powerpoint for posters had the same (margins and spacing or text inconsistencies, bad looking screenshots, that kind of thing) or worse issues (think black impact font on a busy patterned background, for fucks sake) that they kept nitpicking us for, so its kinda like. please actually showcase something that's relevant thanks.

At least it's finally(?) over.

[pale-silver-comb]

So I know absolutely nothing about Leverage except what I've been seeing you post lately and I have to admit you're making it look tempting to watch! Can I ask what are some of your favorite things about the show/reasons you would suggest people watch it? And is there really a poly relationship that is canon?

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I am going to do my best not to just “asdfghkjl” at you and answer coherently.

In a nutshell, Leverage is about 5 people. 4 are criminals (Parker, Hardison, Eliot and Sophie) with different and unique skill-sets and 1 is an ex-insurance investigator (Nate) who, at one point or another in his career, has tracked down (or at least attempted to) the other 4. The whole show is essentially: man reluctantly reforms 4 criminals to use their criminal powers for good and 4 criminals move into man’s life and stubbornly refuse to leave because, goddammit, now they have morals. 

I’ve got a lot of favourite things about the show but the main ones are as follows:

1. Found family. And I’m not talking about loners who come together to fight crime and happen to co-exist to the point where they realise they happen to have found themselves a family. I mean, Nate and Sophie are the Drunk Uncle and Wine Aunt who somehow become Mom and Dad to 3 beautiful criminal children. Mom and Dad love their criminal babies and the kids love them (as well as each other, but we’ll come to that in a moment). You get amazing family moments such as: Mom and Dad packing the kids lunch before sending them out to kick corporate greed’s ass; Mom and Dad giving the kids ridiculously expensive and personal Christmas presents causing their most Grumpy Kid to go very very quiet and soft as he runs off to gleefully play with his new murder toy; the kids interrupting Mom and Dad’s big Movie Style Kiss to ask if they can please keep their new underground layer and huffing and puffing when Dad tells them no.

2. Found family: the OT3 edition. To answer your question, the OT3 is indeed canon, confirmed by the creator. Now, usually, “confirmed by the creator” infuriates me because most of the time it’s a way for a creator to be seen as “progressive” without doing anything to actually be progressive. That isn’t the case here. The OT3 are built up carefully and while it is obvious the creators didn’t originally intend for all 3 of them to become a relationship in the romantic sense, by mid-season 5 we are given a very clear picture of where Parker, Hardison and Eliot are heading in their relationship. There aren’t any kisses at the end to signal this but there are solid marriage vows in not only one but two episodes. (And by marriage vows I mean literal equivalents of marriage vows: “for better or worse” and “’til death do us part”. I’m not even exaggerating). The OT3 also doesn’t need explicit romantic narratives to convey how much they love each other. Their love is laced through the whole show, from the way they teach each other things to the way they respond to each other and work as a unit. The way they fiercely protect and admire each other. Like someone once said, if you need characters to kiss or say I love you to let the audience know they love each other, you are writing them wrong. 

Aside from that, each of the parings in the OT3 are just. Gah. They are so well done, with friendship being the solid basis for them all. The creators never expect the audience to assume anything about them or fill in the gaps. They give us their relationships on screen and reference many things off-screen to show us how these relationships continue to build in between episodes.

Hardison and Parker are a canon couple and date in the show: it’s approached slowly and they are so goddamned sweet. They are basically every fluffy slow-burn trope with a healthy dash of mutual pining in the mix. They are basically that quote “love is patient, love is kind”. (I would like to add their romance never becomes the focus of the show or overrides the importance of any other relationship they have with the other characters, especially Eliot.)

Hardison and Eliot are the Old Married Couple and from day one are already bickering and looking at each other/making comments that are found in every UST fic ever (not to mention Hardison has a very good knack for making Eliot grin like a little kid, when usually he’s basically an Angry Little Chef Man). They argue, they play, and love each other plain as day. 

Parker and Eliot are more subtle but every bit as wonderful. They have an unspoken connection and understand each other on a level no-one else can. Parker and Eliot are not good with giving themselves over to affection for different reasons (and Hardison plays a central role in helping them realise it’s okay to want it and have it- that boy has endless patience) but there is something so beautiful in the way the two of them come together on their own and develop their own special bond that works for them. Parker and Eliot are that trope where the characters don’t need to speak to understand each other perfectly. They just do. Their love language is a lot of the time non-verbal but speaks volumes. (Parker also likes to annoy the hell out of Eliot and Eliot....just.....lets...her. Because he’s soft. The softest, grumpiest boy.) 

I could go into so much depth for each pairing and their dynamics as a 3 but that's for another post.

3. Subverting stereotypes. There is the occasional hiccup in the show regarding stereotypes but ultimately, Leverage gets an A+ when it comes to writing characters and making them 3 dimensional people who are not defined by certain characteristics or events. Nate could so easily fall into the White Man Pain trope where he uses the trauma of losing his kid as a reason as to why he is entitled to act like a dick. Nate is a dick but he doesn’t use his pain to excuse it and I appreciate that. Hardison is a black man who is soft and nurturing. Easily the most empathetic and patient of the group. He’s nerdy, an actual genius, and has the biggest heart of all the characters. Nate is maybe the glue but Hardison is definitely the heart. Media’s usual aggressive, amongst other, racist stereotypes can fuck right off. Parker is canonically autistic (I am sure this was confirmed by one of the creators) and she is not defined by it. It’s not written as some kind of singular personality trait. It’s part of what makes up Parker but it’s only one facet of who she is and not once is her actions, thoughts or feelings treated like a joke. Sometimes people don’t understand why she does and says the things she does but it’s met with patience and fondness over the course of the show. Equally, it’s not met with over-caution. Parker is just Parker. No-one tries to change her. The other nice thing is Hardison, who always makes sure Parker knows she’s amazing because of who she is and not in spite of it. Finally, Sophie is in her 40s. She’s not treated like she’s past her prime. Ever. She’s sexy, smart and never is she pitted against or compared to Parker (who is younger) for anything. Sophie is amazing and there’s never even a conversation of “I may be older but I am still *insert adjective typically associated with younger women here*”. Sophie is possibly the first female character I’ve ever seen who isn’t just unapologetic about her age but has never had to apologise for her age. It’s a non-issue and that’s that. The women on the show are written so well, right down to secondary characters and it’s beyond refreshing.  

4.) It’s just fun. The show has a “monster of the week” type format. Except instead of a ghoul or a ghost, the monster is some corrupt wealthy and powerful individual or organisation. The show draws on real-life individuals to do this and therefore closely parallels real-life people and events. It addresses important political, economical, social and environmental issues while at the same time remaining fun and light-hearted. The characters constantly get the chance to play dress up and by GOD do they have fun with it. You get to watch Eliot beat up bad guys in the most delightful of ways, usually after a witty non-sequitur and with a weapon you’d never think could be a weapon. The dialogue and back and forth between the characters is everything. And finally - my favourite thing- the team can never resist striking a dramatic pose after they’ve taken down the bad guy, making sure the bad guy sees them. I mean, they COULD just walk away, satisfied they’ve taken the person down, but nope. They gotta be dramatic bitches 24/7 and pose like they are models for every single month of this year’s Criminal Calendar.  

5.) Competence Porn. So. Much. Competence Porn.  

Honestly, I could list a thousand reasons for why Leverage is amazing but to list them would to be spoiling so many amazing moments you’d get to discover for the first time on your own if you do choose to watch it. It’s the kind of show you can watch with an eagle-eye and sink your teeth into. But it’s also the kind of show if, you would prefer, put on in the background for something entertaining while you do something else. Each episode is about the job at hand but it’s made up of so many moments between the characters that show how much the creators and writers care about them. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do whatever it is you do when something Soft and Wonderful happens that makes your heart melt. I am so beyond grateful for Leverage. It’s everything I always wanted in a show. Nearly every show I’ve watched in the past 10 years has disappointed me in some way, usually either because the writers run out of steam or characters who I love are treated poorly or given some kind of unnecessary “shock value” arc. Leverage doesn’t do that. Leverage is what it says on the bottle. Fandom isn’t something I joined because I needed canon fix-its. Fandom only enhances and celebrates an already excellent canon. 

[fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy]

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

[phantomphangphucker]

Phic Phight: [REDACTED] “Oh Goddamnit. DANNY!”

Prompt Creator: @mr-lancers-english-class

Even Danny’s school projects cause ghostly issues and Lancer really should have seen this coming.

Alright fine, Lancer knew this was a bad idea. He knew it. And yet... here they all are, with each of his students doing their self-chosen presentations. And as he should have expected, Every. Single. One. has been on Phantom. Sure at least there’s been some variety. Star’s piece on his fashion and how that reflects on his personality and the era he died was actually fairly interesting (if it wasn’t for the fact that Phantom spiced up his jumpsuit with t-shirts and whatnot sometimes then this would have been a very boring one). Kwan also surprised him some, apparently he’s spent the past year or so sneaking photos of Phantom eating and did a piece on Phantom’s rather peculiar food tastes (who dips their pickles in milkshakes???) as well as effectively providing proof for the existence of ectoplasmic food (there’s no way any earth apples are neon green on the inside). Dash’s wasn’t even correctly calculated, trying to figure out how far Phantom could throw footballs based on his known strength and if he could kill someone by tackling them (disturbingly the answer -regardless of Dash’s bad math- was decidedly yes. Daniel seemed particularly disturbed). And Paulina’s was quite literally a badly written self-insert ship fan fic; the added drawings of what their child would look like only made it worse (Daniel left, not that Lancer could blame him. Lancer’s also glad for the ghost fight interrupting the presentation). Emilie’s was... disturbingly about ghost hunger and purposed the thesis that Phantom, for the good of the town, should eat the aggressor ghosts (he actually had to cut her off for getting too graphic).

But the single most interesting thing was that a ghost apparently caught wind of this and literally Every. Single. Presentation so far had words that were permanently replaced with [REDACTED], which, needless to say, caused some chaos when Samantha gave the very first presentation.

-

Lancer clicked his pen, crossing his legs and resting the evaluation sheet on his thigh, “alright, Samantha. Feel free to start whenever you please, though soon would be preferred”, by ‘preferred’ he had meant required, but no need to be mean. He chooses to ignore the goth teen's eyeroll.

Predictably the projected screen doesn’t work when she opens her file so Lancer has to spend ten minutes fiddling with the outdated tech that they wouldn’t give the school funding to replace. Eventually, he does get it up and running showing Ms. Manson’s title screen reading ‘Phantom And Hate Crimes Against Blood Blossoms’. Lancer’s positive ‘blood blossoms’ are a type of flower, figures she would do something nature-focused. She’d make for a great herbalist or botanist someday. He does catch Daniel and Tucker giving her ‘death glares’, as the kids call it, though; Samatha doesn’t look any less smug. The second page has what he thinks was supposed to be a detailed drawing of a flower but it’s severely pixilated, almost as if it been blurred; Samantha looks visibly upset so he’s going to assume something when wrong with the file or pasting format. He’s not marking on artistic capabilities though, so effort is effort there.

She quickly clicks to the next page, where the actual writing of the assignment is and looks decidedly pissed; Lancer even quirks an eyebrow since at least two-thirds of the words are a very bold noticeable [REDACTED]. Lancer watches her yank out her physical copy while glaring with murderous intent at Daniel -Lancer will have to dock him marks if he messed with another student's project- before looking at the physical copy in bafflement for a few seconds. Half the class shrieking when she drops the papers and basically launches herself over the desks at Daniel, “OH YOU LITTLE FUCKER!!!! HOW THE FUCK!”.

Lancer’s sighs and stands, “language, Ms. Manson”, moving to pick up the papers and quirking an eyebrow over them looking the same. Sighing again and eyeing Daniel, who’s being choked -or throttled perhaps?- by Samantha yet is grinning innocently. “Daniel, messing with other students' work is against student policy”, sighing yet again, “and I’ll let Star go while Samantha fixes her document”, summoning up the blonde while glaring at Daniel. Some days that boy was more trouble than he was worth but he was also insanely bright and had a heart of gold. Lancer knows he’ll do good things someday, and that’s why he still tries with him.

Half the class is snickering or laughing now and Star is very clearly trying not to laugh as she sets up.

However, as soon as it opens up the class is met with a very familiar sight. [REDACTED] litters every single page; he checked. And Star’s physical copy was in the same state.

Kwan blinks, “okay seriously, what is going on”, before scrambling to grab out his own physical copy; the rest of the class going wide-eyed and following suit. Lancer just puts his head in his hands and sighs very audibly while shaking his head. Why could nothing go right? Sighing again as the class erupts into noise.

“Mines all weird too!”.

“Same here!”.

“Okay there is no way Fenturd messed up everyone’s work”.

“And I actually tried on mine! It was about the merits of Phantom getting armour!”.

“Oh damn do we just get auto hundreds now? Please please please say yes”.

“Oh damn, Phantom would actually look awesome in armour”.

“I know right”.

“Can we just skip class entirely now?”.

“Oh my Zone a ghost messed with or work”.

“Holy Shit”.

“Wait! Wait! Wait! You don’t think Phantom did do you?”.

“Why the heck would he do that? How would he even know??????”.

“Oh I hope Phantom was inside my computer. That would be so hot”.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe someone told him or he overheard shit. He’s a ghost, he can be invisible. Heck, he could be here, right now, invisible”.

“Invisible and laughing at us”.

“No! No! Hold up! What if he doesn’t want us writing about him or maybe someone wrote some sus shit and he just nerfed us all for good measure”.

“That would mean Phantom totally read my stuff, aw Hell yeah man. That was some boss shit”,

Lancer sighs and stands up, “alright that’s enough”, sighing again because why did this have to happen to him, “and I apologies for blaming you earlier, Daniel”.

Samantha snaps, “oh no, I still blame him”, and continues glaring at the teen. Lancer suspects Samantha would continue blaming the boy even if it was firmly proven he wasn’t at fault.

Addressing the class again, “here’s what we’re going to do, you’re going to read off what of your projects you actually can and allude to the rest. Please reframe from repeating what you know was there beforehand as I’d rather not have whatever ghost responsible -Phantom or otherwise- come here pissed off”, glaring at few students who look slightly encouraged rather than discouraged by that prospect, “anyone who does will receive automatic zeroes”, ah and the encouraged looks have deflated. Good. Gesturing at Star, “you’re already up here, so do continue”. Better to not bring the clearly infuriated Samantha back to the front until she’s had some time to calm down.

Star nods and clears her throat, thankfully everyone quiets down. “O-okay, well, um”, gesturing at the screen, “I did my piece on Phantom’s sense of fashion and the cover image was one with him dressed in one of the Spook Sense stores meme shirts....”.

-

Lancer shakes away the memory, he honestly slightly regrets giving this project. But regardless right now is Daniel’s turn and Lancer is honestly slightly fearful of what his file is going to look like. Thankfully all their files were saved to his computer before the [REDACTED] debacle, so no one could go back in and edit theirs to add [REDACTED]’s for an easy grade. Lancer’s still not exactly sure how he’s supposed to mark assignments that were anywhere from one-fifth to one-third [REDACTED]. That word will be burned into his head after this grading period.

Lancer moves to find the boys file, but stares when clicking it crashes the computer. Not once. Not twice. But thrice. The fourth time rebooting the computer he inspects the file and is a bit dumbfounded, “Daniel, your entire file’s corrupted. The file type has even been changed to redacted, which I’m fairly sure, isn’t actually any possible file designation”. Everyone’s silent for a bit before bursting out into laughter.

“Just what the Zone did you write, Danny!”.

“Oh we so have to know what this is now”.

“Danny has the forbidden knowledge! We haft found him! The keeper of things forbidden and Ghostly! Haza!”.

“Ha! It was probably so lame that Phantom wanted to save him the embarrassment”.

Lancer sighs, but Daniel gestures Tucker up, “hey Tuck, feel like trying to fix the file”. Tucker chuckles and walks up, though apparently glaring at the boy. Based on Daniel’s smirk he finds this quite amusing.

Tucker does manage to make the file viewable at least. Lancer nods and leans back in his seat, “thank you, Mr. Foley”, while the file loads on screen.

Tucker sits back down with a head shake while Daniel stands at the front and gestures to the screen, “aight, as you can see from my not redacted title-”, that earns a couple laughs, “I did mine on Phantom’s portfolio of crime. Every single time our dear Phantom broke ghost law. Including such wonderful things as, that time he caused not one, not two, not even three, but five, prison breaks in one day. Or that time he invalidated a Observant spectator duel by bringing an inflatable sword”. Samantha slams a hand on her desk, “IT IS YOUR FAULT YOU DICK!”.

Lancer has some serious questions as Daniel clicks for the next page, the entire class going dead silent as a screen comprising of almost nothing but the word [REDACTED] shows. Lancer sighs very audibly. Eventually the class starts up again.

“Fenton... actually has forbidden knowledge”.

“If it wasn’t for the teacher computer saved thing I’d think he was fucking with us”.

“I mean... he is a Fenton, right?”.

“Okay the fact that this entire presentation is on ghost crimes is concerning alone. But they’re forbidden ghost crimes at that”.

“Shit I wanted the tea. Damnit”.

“Better question, how does Danny know?”.

Daniel clicking the button to go forward is very audible. And, Chicken Soup For The Soul, every single page is [REDACTED] to the point of being completely and utterly unintelligible. There are occasional lines pointing out how Phantom apparently ate confetti at a ghosts third wedding (which is apparently illegal for some reason) or that time he beat someone up with a violin that had a pie inside it (Lancer can see this one, Lancer himself has smacked a ghost with stranger).  Literally the only photo that isn’t blurred beyond recognition is one of Phantom in a prison uniform (Paulina was very vocal about liking men in uniform here). Lancer is absolutely positive the end of his conclusion ‘[REDACTED] are a bunch of [REDACTED]’ is an insult.

Samantha chucks a boot at his smirking face, “YOU IDIOT. Of course they were going to block you from talking about them. Ancients, I can’t believe you”. Tucker’s busy laughing into his hand.

“Oh my Zone, they know too”.

“They’re really earning that weirdo trio title, huh”.

Daniel snickers as he sits back down, “they broke into my room and wrecked that epic puzzle I was working on. They shoulda seen this shit coming. Literally”. Tucker snorts, “they probably did but couldn’t do anything else about it. They can’t stop you and your endless bullshit”.

“Damn fucking straight”.

Lancer isn’t going to claim to know what exactly they’re talking about but apparently Daniel effectively orchestrated this entire fiasco just to annoy some ghost. Lancer is honestly more impressed than disturbed. A for effort but an A- for making everyone's work nigh unusable.

End.

Prompt: For the last project of their senior year in high school, Mr. Lancer is letting his class do presentations on literally whatever topic they want. He is very, /very/ sure that this is going to go poorly, but that's a problem for later...

[galaxywhump]

29 Day Whump Challenge - Day 21

[Masterlist]

[Challenge]

Prompt: Whipped

So uh. As much as I hate saying things like this about a story, because I consider it a self-fulfilling prophecy, this one just. kinda sucks :v But hey, at least it’s another day of the challenge done.

cw: whipping, filmed whump, forced partial nudity (not sure if it counts but. just in case.), creepy/intimate whumper, threats of noncon, humiliation, modern slavery, blood, restraints, strangulation.

taglist: @faewhump @inky-whump @whole-and-apart-and-between

EDIT: I ended up pasting the text from docs instead of word, so all formatting was gone (and I can’t live without my italics). Now it’s fixed, but gosh, this part really didn’t want to cooperate.

~~~

“Hey, you forgot the fu-”

He’s pinned to the wall by the throat, too shocked to even shout or fight back as the hand holding him starts to tighten.

“No!”, he chokes out, clawing at it uselessly, and the grip settles right before he starts to actually suffocate, just enough to make breathing a struggle. Cold metal closes on his right wrist and it’s pulled sharply, connected to the left and his struggles grow more frantic.

So it really is happening, the nightmare scenario becoming reality, started with the simple difference that he wasn’t given a shirt, and his usual sweatpants were replaced with loose shorts, and it took ten minutes of crying in the bathroom before he felt ready to get out of there and try to act tough.

And now it’s happening, and he’s pinned to the wall and cuffed, and he’s never been more exposed in front of Daniel and it’s really happening.

“No”, he whimpers and the pressure on his throat is suddenly released, leaving him heaving desperately. There’s a tug on the handcuffs and he stumbles forward, and Daniel is silent, so terribly silent.

Not this. Anything but this.

He expects to be dragged straight to the bedroom, but when they step into the living room, his heart threatens to crush his ribs.

There’s a goddamn filming setup here with two tripods with cameras on them, and three lamps lighting a small area - the set proper - with the familiar chain and pulley system, and some blue tarp spread on the floor.

“Wait…” He’s pushed onto the tarp before he can finish, not that there’s any coherent thought in his panicked mind; Daniel forces him to kneel in the center, still wordlessly, and attaches the chain. “No, wait-”

The chain is pulled, just a little bit, so that his arms are raised above his head, but he’s still kneeling, facing one of the cameras, with the other one pointed at an angle at his back..

The creep is going to film this.

The creep crouches in front of him and flashes him a dark smile before cupping Wren’s face in his hands, chuckling at the way he shrinks away from the touch.

“Please”, Wren says on the verge of tears. “Please, please don’t do this.”

“Do what?”, Daniel mutters, raising one brow, and eyes his half-naked captive up. “Ah. I see. No, it’s not what you’re thinking, kid.”

The relief Wren feels is almost painful, the claws of terror jabbed into his skin now torn out forcefully, and he’s close to forgetting about this situation, about being chained up on a film set.

“So why…”

“Berkeley wants an update, and I want to hear you scream.” Daniel lets go of him and gets up to adjust the camera angle before disappearing somewhere behind him; Wren strains his neck to see what’s going on, panic setting right back in. “You seem to be getting quite comfortable here, and I like it, but at the same time I want you to know your place.”

“I know my place”, Wren rushes to reply. “I do.”

“Great! So you know that you need to follow orders, for example. Here’s some: just look straight into the camera, look pretty and do whatever I tell you to. Got it?”

“But what are you-” His question is cut short as Daniel appears back in his field of vision, holding a black whip. “Oooh no. No.”

“No? You don’t like it?”, Daniel laughs, swinging it nonchalantly from side to side. “I do. It’s timeless.”

“But I-”

There’s a crack and Wren yelps, but the whip only hits the tarp, way too close for his liking.

“I definitely like it a lot.” Daniel points the whip at Wren’s face and grins at his expression of pure terror. “It was my favorite tool when dealing with new cargo I was asked to break, actually. And now I can finally use it on you.”

“But-” He flinches when the whip is cracked again.

“Ah-ah. No talking unless I tell you to.”

“You’ll have to fucking muzzle me then”, Wren spits and the next second Daniel closes the distance between and backhands him in the face hard enough for his head to snap to the side; it’s quickly forced straight with a rough grip on his chin.

“Remember what I said, sweetheart? I want to hear you scream. And talk, but only when I specifically tell you to.”

“I’m not your fucking sweetheart!” Another slap, this time drawing a choked yelp from Wren, and Daniel cups his face in his hands once again, gently stroking his jaw with his thumbs.

“Sweetheart? Yes”, he whispers, a slight smile forming on his lips. “Fucking? Not yet, anyway.”

Wren jerks his head back violently, his eyes widening, the facade of fury gone from his face in an instant; all he can hear is the beating of his own heart, and it’s beating fast, too fast; when Daniel lets go of his face and gets up, he thinks he might just pass out right here and now, black spots starting to appear before his eyes.

A cracking sound followed by his bare back flaring up in pain is enough to sober him up, and he cries out in shock, instinctively hunching his back, lowering his chest as much as the chain allows him to.

“Eyes on the camera.”

Crack.

It’s all too sudden, and he cries out once more, and it’s all wrong, he couldn’t prepare, he’s being filmed.

Crack.

“I said: eyes on the camera.”

He fights to lift his head and fix his eyes on the eye of the camera; tears are already trickling down his face.

He didn’t want to give Daniel and Berkeley the satisfaction of seeing him cry and hearing him scream, but he has already failed. Daniel’s comment, that one threat that he had been dreading above anything else, was enough to make him so much more vulnerable.

Another hit, another thin line of pure fire crossing his back, another scream.

“That’s better. And don’t worry, I won’t mess up the brand.”

Crack.

He sees his reflection in the camera, his grimace of pain, his teary eyes.

“If we weren’t both dead men I’d love to send this recording to someone”, Daniel’s voice is completely calm, monotone. “Maybe your squad. Wonder what they’d say if they saw you like this.”

Crack.

“No”, Wren chokes out, a sob forming in his throat, and he lets it out, his back on fire.

“I doubt they’d say ‘no’”, Daniel laughs. “I think they’d call you pathetic. Weak. You’re not their leader anymore. You’re just a wretched piece of shit.”

A failure, an inner voice suggests, helpful as ever, and Wren sobs again; his head drops involuntarily and he forces himself to lift it up again. He’s not fast enough and the whip falls on his back once more, a punishment.

“At least you’re learning.”

Crack. Crack. Crack.

Screaming, screaming, screaming.

“It’s been a while since I saw you covered in blood. It suits you.”

Crack.

“Okay, now you’re going to answer a few questions, got it?”

He’s panting, staring into the camera, focusing on his reflection, his vision more and more blurred with each passing second. His next scream is almost animalistic as the whip falls on his back again with what feels like the most force yet.

“Got it?”

“Got it!”, he yells.

“Your name and title?”

He has to take a couple of deep breaths and for a moment he forgets, because all he is right now is in pain.

“Lieute-”

Crack.

“Full title.”

“Fucking-”, he pants and there’s another hit which causes his back to arch, the welts exploding with a whole new kind of agony. “First lieutenant Wren Rackham!”, he screams and wonders how it’s even possible for him to still have some tears left.

“What are you?”

“What-”

Crack.

“What are you right now? Why are you here?”

His mind is racing.

“I’ve been kidna-” Crack. “I’m a slave! I’m a fucking slave!”

Crack.

He’s going to kill me. I’m going to die.

“Language, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry!”

“Last question: who do you belong to? Say it loud and clear.”

“Daniel Rooney.” His voice breaks and he sees in the eye of the camera that his lip is quivering.

They’d say I’m pathetic.

Crack.

“Full sentences”

He’s sobbing, he’s falling, his entire body is on fire.

“I belong to Daniel Rooney”, he mutters.

Crack.

“Loud and clear, idiot.”

“I belong to Daniel Rooney!”

He closes his eyes, too exhausted to keep them open anymore, and waits for another crack of the whip, another spot exploding with pain.

“Well done, kiddo.”

There are footsteps as Daniel turns the cameras off and releases the chain, the only thing supporting Wren’s body. He collapses onto the floor and screams again, the bloody mess that is his back flaring up with the shift in position. He takes a deep, shaky breath, on the verge of mercifully passing out when he hears and feels Daniel stand right over him.

“This might hurt a little.”

“No…”, Wren chokes out, and in the next second he yowls in agony when some kind of disinfectant is poured on the wounds, aggravating the pain, making it even more unbearable than it was during the whipping itself, and then a new kind of pain joins in when Daniel leans over him and whispers:

“You’re so beautiful like this, sweetheart.”

Next

[bettsfic]

hey betts! can you give us any insight into your new drafting process (the one you mentioned on Twitter?) those results have me green with envy

sure! this is going to be a fairly quick run-down because i have to start planning my classes here soon.

(anon is referring to this tweet)

required reading

shitty first drafts by anne lamott, which is where i modified my process from

on fear by mary ruefle, which talks about procedure and i may have taken the wrong meaning from the essay but basically, my entire process is about mitigating the fear innate in writers’ block by having a procedure in place to counteract it

tools

google docs (or some other word processor)

google calendar (or some other calendar app; i wrote about my scheduling process here)

toggl (or some other timekeeping app)

airtable (i’ve also used trello, but i like airtable better. ps big thanks to @electricalice​ for introducing me to it! it’s a lifesaver)

pre-writing

so first you need an idea. whenever i have an idea, even if there’s 0 chance i’ll end up writing it, i add it to my airtable, plus any notes or details i come up with. i also copy and paste any text convos i have about the fic, like if i headcanon something with a friend. (i used trello for this until recently; it works just fine and is a bit easier to use. airtable also has a kanban function though, along with other formats, so it’s a bit more flexible)

airtable is a project management spreadsheet software. i’m sure there are others out there, but i started fiddling with this one and haven’t looked back. it takes a little while to figure out, and you might have to google some things you want it to do that aren’t terribly intuitive. 

my fanfic table, filtered by ideas, looks like this:

(you may have to expand to look at it, also note that the pretty colors are a Pro feature of the app and i’m still on my trial)

the idea here is to have space to store my ideas. let’s say i hang out with a friend and we started talking about fic, and i bring up i have an idea for a endgame coda but i’m not really sure where to take it, so we start headcanoning back and forth, and now i have a few scene ideas. i made my endgame coda card already right after i saw the movie, so all i have to do is open the app and jot down the main points of my headcanoning. now when i go home and start working on it, i can easily pull up our brainstorming session.

narrative outlining

i have never been an outliner or a planner. i’ve always been a pantser. i have a premise and i run with it, and that worked for me for a long time. pantsing has a lot of benefits: your story always surprises you! you can get really immersed! it’s certainly the more whimsical writing process.

but what i found was that i would often write myself into a corner, or lose steam once i realized what should have been a 10k fic was actually going to be 80k and i didn’t like the story enough to sit with it for 80k. i also spent a long time thinking about future scenes and writing them down but losing them later, or forgetting about them.

so i started doing narrative outlines, which are just me going “and then THIS happens” repeatedly and sometimes inputting “and something causes this other thing” until eventually i have the whole story written out. the goal of the narrative outline is pacing. all you have to do is get the major beats down. it doesn’t have to be good. no one is going to see it (unless you want them to).

ideally my paragraphs will be all around the same size. those are going to become my chapters. if a paragraph is significantly shorter than another, it’s likely that i don’t have that beat fleshed out yet. i call chapters “beats” because to me, each one should have its own arc, and end at a high or low point in the story.

in my fanfic airtable, i have a table for chapters. all chapters of all multi-chap wips go here, and i can filter out ones that are complete later. 

the beauty of the chapters table is that it can connect to your ideas/wip table and vice versa so everything is kept together. i had 7 paragraphs in my narrative outline so i made 7 rows. 

notice i also gave myself a due date. i don’t really like due dates, but i’m trying them on for now and seeing how it goes. 

i copy and paste the chapter paragraph as i go into the “summary” field. then, as scene or line ideas come to me, i toss them in the “scenes/lines” field. I was in a car for 8 hours and coming up with scenes all over the place, and i needed somewhere to put them. if i didn’t know where they went, i put them in my idea table instead, and filed them later.

you’re still idea-ing, you’re still outlining, but now it’s time to write.

gauge

i make a folder for the fic and open a doc and label it ch1. then i copy and paste the narrative outline paragraph into the doc and separate it out by scene with an asterisk between each one. 

here’s where the timesheet and calendar come in. i have a reminder on my calendar to schedule the following day, and on that schedule i put my writing time. when it’s time to write, i start the toggl clock. at the end of each week, i put in my time in my personal timesheet. 

the first chapter or 10% of anything i’m writing tends to take longer than the rest, because i need to get into the story, and choose the voice and tense and tone and things like that. so i take however long i take to make what i call a gauge. in knitting, a gauge is the thing that determines the size of the piece. if you’re knitting a sweater, you knit a little square to make sure the sweater comes out the size you need it to be.

so i write the gauge and it takes however long it takes. sometimes i rewrite it a few times, test out POVs and tenses and description and whatever else. what i like best, what seems the most sustainable, is what i choose. i wrote 3 chapters of a novel in present tense and a childish tone before i decided it needed to be first person reflective and i rewrote the whole thing. 

don’t get frustrated with yourself if your gauge doesn’t work. that’s what the gauge is for. you’ll know you’ve chosen the right voice if, by the end of your gauge, you’re really eager to keep writing. 

down draft & punch list

so now you’ve got a pretty gauge to follow, and the rest is going to be an absolute mess. the down draft is exactly what it sounds like – you get the idea down. i personally believe you need to tell the story to yourself a few times in order to get good at telling the story, or to know what the story is. you’ve told yourself the story once in outline form, and now you’re just breaking out the scenes a little bit more. 

the key to the down draft is not to self-edit. i’m not talking about going back and tweaking typos and shit, that’s fine, whatever. i mean doubting yourself structurally. like, oh shit, you forgot to mention that they took off their clothes and now they’re naked.

here’s where the punch list comes in, which is yet another table. (i’ve also used google tasks for this, because it pops up in a side window. either works!) a punch list is a to do list. instead of fixing things, you put the thing on your punch list and save it for the next draft. a down draft is all about speed and figuring out where all the pieces go. revising during the down draft only slows you down. 

the punch list is my solution to the contrived advice “you can fix it later!” to which i always say, “BUT I WON’T REMEMBER TO FIX IT LATER I HAVE TO FIX IT NOW.” as soon as you think of something to fix, put it on the table. it may seem like it’s faster to fix things as you go. it is not. i promise.

this is all my punch list notes for all fics, which i then connect to my other tables/filter as needed. put everything in your punch list. it’s better to make a punch list item that you don’t end up implementing than forget an important revision note. if you end up putting the project down for a while, you’ll want to know what you’d intended. 

up draft

in the up draft, you clean up the down draft. here, i take each document in a new window, put it on the right half of the screen, and open a new document to put on the left. 

then i rewrite the whole fucking thing. i pull up my punch list and fix all the things as i go, to the best of my ability. here’s where the writing gets pretty and fleshed out. but still, it doesn’t need to be perfect. you have more revisions to go. it’s important to remember during this entire process that everything can be changed. nothing is permanent. you’re not writing in stone. there’s no cost to words or documents, so you can revise as much as you want.

it’s also worth noting that the longer your project, the more sectioned out your story will be. sometimes you’ll have a chapter on a down draft and another chapter on an up draft. sometimes you might down draft out of order just to make sure you get your ideas down when they occur. whatever works for you. the idea is that you’re constantly building spaces in which to put your stuff that can be easily found and implemented. the creative process is messy, so you need to make clean spaces to put the mess in.

while you’re up-drafting, you’re still idea-ing and outlining and down-drafting and punch-listing. maybe you don’t have the answer to a problem yet, but you might later. decision fatigue in the creative process is real. this process is designed to mitigate decision fatigue. there are only ever so many decisions to make at once when you expand out your process like this one.

and sometimes, sadly, the solution to a problem never happen. that’s okay. what you write might be flawed. in fact it should be flawed. flaws are what make things beautiful. all you can do is the best you can do, and if it’s not good enough for your tastes, you can learn from your mistakes and try again. 

beta

sometimes i have a beta and sometimes i don’t, depending on how confident i am about the work. when i have a beta, this is the stage i send them my stuff. sometimes i tell them specific things i’m looking for, like just line edits, or cheerleading, or whatever else. sometimes i have questions about whether or not something is working. i tell them what date i intend to post and when i would like edits to be done by, and if they don’t get around to it, that’s okay. i can just hustle a little harder in the next revision.

dental draft

here’s where, per anne lamott, you check every tooth. i implement my remaining punch list items and beta feedback, fix pacing issues, typos, unclear sentences, etc. sometimes i do the side-by-side window thing for chapters that are particularly messy, and sometimes i just fix the existing doc. by now your story should be looking pretty good, or the best you can get it.

final read-through :) or additional revisions :(

for fic, this is the point where i hit it and hope. i copy and paste the chapter/fic into an ao3 shell with the tags and summary i’ve kept in my airtable, and do a final readthrough. i don’t do it in the original doc because seeing it in a new font and format usually makes me notice things i’d missed before. 

for ofic, here’s where you might need more feedback and more revising if your piece isn’t working yet, or if you’ve submitted it a couple dozen places and haven’t had it accepted. while this process is thorough, sometimes pieces still aren’t working for whatever reason. don’t throw anything away, though. keep it, file it, log it in your airtable, and maybe one day while you’re driving an idea will pop into your head and you’ll be able to come back to it. 

this was a really really quick run-down of an extremely long and complicated process, but it works for me! i probably wouldn’t have been able to do this even a year ago. it’s taken me a long time to cultivate this kind of discipline, and i’m still a work in progress. so if it’s too much or too structured for you, that’s fine. maybe you can take one or two things for yourself and try them out. 

[shinelikethunder]

Fandom Userscript Cookbook: Five Projects to Get Your Feet Wet

Target audience: This post is dedicated, with love, to all novice, aspiring, occasional, or thwarted coders in fandom. If you did a code bootcamp once and don’t know where to start applying your new skillz, this is for you. If you're pretty good with HTML and CSS but the W3Schools Javascript tutorials have you feeling out of your depth, this is for you. If you can do neat things in Python but don’t know a good entry point for web programming, this is for you. Seasoned programmers looking for small, fun, low-investment hobby projects with useful end results are also welcome to raid this post for ideas.

You will need:

The Tampermonkey browser extension to run and edit userscripts

A handful of example userscripts from greasyfork.org. Just pick a few that look nifty and install them. AO3 Savior is a solid starting point for fandom tinkering.

Your browser dev tools. Hit F12 or right click > Inspect Element to find the stuff on the page you want to tweak and experiment with it. Move over to the Console tab once you’ve got code to test out and debug.

Javascript references and tutorials. W3Schools has loads of both. Mozilla’s JS documentation is top-notch, and I often just keep their reference lists of built-in String and Array functions open in tabs as I code. StackOverflow is useful for questions, but don’t assume the code snippets you find there are always reliable or copypastable.

That’s it. No development environment. No installing node.js or Ruby or Java or two different versions of Python. No build tools, no dependency management, no fucking Docker containers. No command line, even. Just a browser extension, the browser’s built-in dev tools, and reference material. Let’s go.

You might also want:

jQuery and its documentation. If you’re wrestling with a mess of generic spans and divs and sparse, unhelpful use of classes, jQuery selectors are your best bet for finding the element you want before you snap and go on a murderous rampage. jQuery also happens to be the most ubiquitous JS library out there, the essential Swiss army knife for working with Javascript’s... quirks, so experience with it is useful. It gets a bad rap because trying to build a whole house with a Swiss army knife is a fool’s errand, but it’s excellent for the stuff we're about to do.

Git or other source control, if you’ve already got it set up. By all means share your work on Github. Greasy Fork can publish a userscript from a Github repo. It can also publish a userscript from an uploaded text file or some code you pasted into the upload form, so don’t stress about it if you’re using a more informal process.

A text editor. Yes, seriously, this is optional. It’s a question of whether you’d rather code everything right there in Tampermonkey’s live editor, or keep a separate copy to paste into Tampermonkey’s live editor for testing. Are you feeling lucky, punk?

Project #1: Hack on an existing userscript

Install some nifty-looking scripts for websites you visit regularly. Use them. Ponder small additions that would make them even niftier. Take a look at their code in the Tampermonkey editor. (Dashboard > click on the script name.) Try to figure out what each bit is doing.

Then change something, hit save, and refresh the page.

Break it. Make it select the wrong element on the page to modify. Make it blow up with a huge pile of console errors. Add a console.log("I’m a teapot"); in the middle of a loop so it prints fifty times. Savor your power to make the background wizardry of the internet do incredibly dumb shit.

Then try a small improvement. It will probably break again. That's why you've got the live editor and the console, baby--poke it, prod it, and make it log everything it's doing until you've made it work.

Suggested bells and whistles to make the already-excellent AO3 Savior script even fancier:

Enable wildcards on a field that currently requires an exact match. Surely there’s at least one song lyric or Richard Siken quote you never want to see in any part of a fic title ever again, right?

Add some text to the placeholder message. Give it a pretty background color. Change the amount of space it takes up on the page.

Blacklist any work with more than 10 fandoms listed. Then add a line to the AO3 Savior Config script to make the number customizable.

Add a global blacklist of terms that will get a work hidden no matter what field they're in.

Add a list of blacklisted tag combinations. Like "I'm okay with some coffee shop AUs, but the ones that are also tagged as fluff don't interest me, please hide them." Or "Character A/Character B is cute but I don't want to read PWP about them."

Anything else you think of!

Project #2: Good Artists Borrow, Great Artists Fork (DIY blacklisting)

Looking at existing scripts as a model for the boilerplate you'll need, create a script that runs on a site you use regularly that doesn't already have a blacklisting/filtering feature. If you can't think of one, Dreamwidth comments make a good guinea pig. (There's a blacklist script for them out there, but reinventing wheels for fun is how you learn, right? ...right?) Create a simple blacklisting script of your own for that site.

Start small for the site-specific HTML wrangling. Take an array of blacklisted keywords and log any chunk of post/comment text that contains one of them.

Then try to make the post/comment it belongs to disappear.

Then add a placeholder.

Then get fancy with whitelists and matching metadata like usernames/titles/tags as well.

Crib from existing blacklist scripts like AO3 Savior as shamelessly as you feel the need to. If you publish the resulting userscript for others to install (which you should, if it fills an unmet need!), please comment up any substantial chunks of copypasted or closely-reproduced code with credit/a link to the original. If your script basically is the original with some key changes, like our extra-fancy AO3 Savior above, see if there’s a public Git repo you can fork.

Project #3: Make the dread Tumblr beast do a thing

Create a small script that runs on the Tumblr dashboard. Make it find all the posts on the page and log their IDs. Then log whether they're originals or reblogs. Then add a fancy border to the originals. Then add a different fancy border to your own posts. All of this data should be right there in the post HTML, so no need to derive it by looking for "x reblogged y" or source links or whatever--just make liberal use of Inspect Element and the post's data- attributes.

Extra credit: Explore the wildly variable messes that Tumblr's API spews out, and try to recreate XKit's timestamps feature with jQuery AJAX calls. (Post timestamps are one of the few reliable API data points.) Get a zillion bright ideas about what else you could do with the API data. Go through more actual post data to catalogue all the inconsistencies you’d have to catch. Cry as Tumblr kills the dream you dreamed.

Project #4: Make the dread Tumblr beast FIX a thing

Create a script that runs on individual Tumblr blogs (subdomains of tumblr.com). Browse some blogs with various themes until you've found a post with the upside-down reblog-chain bug and a post with reblogs displaying normally. Note the HTML differences between them. Make the script detect and highlight upside-down stacks of blockquotes. Then see if you can make it extract the blockquotes and reassemble them in the correct order. At this point you may be mobbed by friends and acquaintainces who want a fix for this fucking bug, which you can take as an opportunity to bury any lingering doubts about the usefulness of your scripting adventures.

(Note: Upside-down reblogs are the bug du jour as of September 2019. If you stumble upon this post later, please substitute whatever the latest Tumblr fuckery is that you'd like to fix.)

Project #5: Regular expressions are a hard limit

I mentioned up above that Dreamwidth comments are good guinea pigs for user scripting? You know what that means. Kinkmemes. Anon memes too, but kinkmemes (appropriately enough) offer so many opportunities for coding masochism. So here's a little exercise in sadism on my part, for anyone who wants to have fun (or "fun") with regular expressions:

Write a userscript that highlights all the prompts on any given page of a kinkmeme that have been filled.

Specifically, scan all the comment subject lines on the page for anything that looks like the title of a kinkmeme fill, and if you find one, highlight the prompt at the top of its thread. The nice ones will start with "FILL:" or end with "part 1/?" or "3/3 COMPLETE." The less nice ones will be more like "(former) minifill [37a / 50(?)] still haven't thought of a name for this thing" or "title that's just the subject line of the original prompt, Chapter 3." Your job is to catch as many of the weird ones as you can using regular expressions, while keeping false positives to a minimum.

Test it out on a real live kinkmeme, especially one without strict subject-line-formatting policies. I guarantee you, you will be delighted at some of the arcane shit your script manages to catch. And probably astonished at some of the arcane shit you never thought to look for because who the hell would even format a kinkmeme fill like that? Truly, freeform user input is a wonderful and terrible thing.

If that's not enough masochism for you, you could always try to make the script work on LiveJournal kinkmemes too!

[swaps55]

what’s your favorite type of thing to write? dialogue, action, gettin’ down, exposition, a very specific thing not listed here?

Edit: I think you’d enjoy knowing that when I asked @n7zachammer what he thought my answer would be, before I even finished the question he said, “Longform pain fic.”

(he’s…not wrong? But.)

D-I-A-L-O-G-U-E 

(I had to check the spelling of that 3 times.) 

There are lots of things I love to write, but dialogue is still my bread and butter. I like to think I have a good rhythm and cadence for it. One of the exercises my creative writing mentor always made us do was go out and record actual conversations, then transcribe them. You know what it taught me? People are messy, and barely intelligible. Of course we can’t write the way people speak, because we’d have NO idea what characters were talking about. Ever. 

But it is important for that dialogue to feel like something real people would say. Dialogue tells you so much about a character, from their cadence to their word choices and so on. Do your characters sound different enough that a reader can pick out who’s speaking without a tag? (Brian Jacques has always been my favorite example of this.) When it comes to fanfic, do your readers hear your dialogue in the character’s voice? 

Even more fun is overlaying actual dialogue with inner dialogue. What’s happening externally and internally can be gloriously different and fun to play with, and it can do all kinds of things for threading, plot, etc. 

I still think the best dialogue I have ever written is for an unfinished wedding!fic that is not on Ao3, because I don’t like putting unfinished stuff there. I have always sworn I would finish it, because it’s genuinely some of the best writing I have ever done. I’m in a headspace now that maybe I *could*, so if someone wants to bug me to finish it, PLEASE. BUG ME. 

Anyway, here’s that dialogue: [Edit, wow, the formatting on this post exploded. I have fixed it now]

For someone who hates water, Garrus is really fucking good at skipping rocks. Obnoxiously good. To the point where Shepard cheats and uses a flick of dark energy to send his own stone sailing out past the fading ripples from the turian’s last throw.  

“You’re still not over that shot on the Citadel, are you?” he asks.  

Shepard shrugs, and hefts another stone. “I like to win.” 

Garrus chuckles. “Which is why I had my money on you when it came to who would propose, and most everyone else had money on Kaidan.” 

“Really?” Shepard asks before reaching back and letting it fly. Without the biotic assistance, he manages two skips before the plop.  

“They all figured Kaidan for the ‘make it official’ type,” Garrus says, rolling a stone in his talons. “But I know you. If Kaidan asks you first, in your screwed up head it means he loves you more.” 

Shepard could deny it. But with Garrus there isn’t much point. “I have a weird head, don’t I?” 

The turian flicks the stone. “Not to mention the fact I’m pretty sure you want to make it illegal for anyone else to get their hands on the person you saved the galaxy for.” 

Six fucking jumps, how the fuck did he do that?   

“C’mon, Garrus. I saved the galaxy for you. You know that.”  

“Well, of course I know that. But I figured you wanted to keep that just between us.”  

“Ha.” 

Shepard’s turn. 

“Though I have to say,” Garrus muses as Shepard winds up for another throw, blue sparks erupting around his fingers, “I like to think I’m largely responsible for keeping you alive long enough to save that galaxy.”   

Shepard looses the stone. This one makes seven jumps before squelching beneath the surface, and he smirks with satisfaction. It’s all in the wrist. 

“Speaking of that.” 

“Oh, boy.”  

The corner of Shepard’s lip quirks in a grin. “Relax, big guy. Look, I don’t know how turians do it, but humans like to make a big production out of marriage ceremonies. You have to find people to take on certain duties.” 

Garrus holds up another stone. Shepard bets he’s using his damn visor to scan it somehow. That must be his secret. Bastard. No chance he’s going to feel bad about using the biotics now.  

“Shepard, are you asking me to work at your wedding? That hurts.”  

Shepard raises an eyebrow. “Do you want to stand there and complain or let me finish?”  

“What I’d like it to get this rock to that post out there. I don’t know what the post is supposed to be for, but I’m using it to set life goals.” 

“No chance.” 

“Watch me.”  

Garrus steps back, squints, then lets it fly.  

Motherfucker. Shepard scours the ground for a new stone.  

“I’m sorry, what were you saying, Shepard?” 

“I’m going to rip that visor off your head and throw it in the lake, that’s what I was saying.” 

Garrus’ subharmonics thrum with laughter. Two lackluster throws later, Shepard checks his amp settings.  

“Okay, so human weddings,” Garrus continues. “Assuming your inability to throw rocks hasn’t changed your mind about whatever you were asking.” 

[chemicalmagecraft]

The Gamer Hero, Deku Chapter 2

A/N: Wow, thanks for all you guys who left nice reviews and stuff. Sorry it took me so long to update, but I had a play I had to go to a lot of practices for, which was especially annoying because of the four scenes I was in, I only had an important role in one.

To LadyCalus, I have no idea how to do that.

To the user known as Iliekfishes, I would like to say that, while I do not appreciate your tone, I do appreciate that you gave me some criticism. Now, to address what you said, I said that I hadn't seen any My Hero Academia/Gamer fanfiction, which was at the time true. I have, however, checked some out after you pointed that out to me. If it bothers you that much, though, I can edit it if you ask nicely. As for the formatting, I do admit to using Ryuji's The Games We Play as a sort of reference for the formatting, as I remember that that fanfic was very faithful in formatting to the original webcomic and I couldn't remember how exactly it went. Now, while I can deal with you insulting me to a certain point, I would prefer you not call the other viewers names. I also have no clue what "almost all the tension is midigated by cannon" means. Finally, while I didn't mean to make it seem like I was anyone's gift to fanfiction aside from my own, much less God's, I do apologize if I unintentionally gave off that vibe. If you can possibly think of any tips to not sound like a jackass, I would be willing and grateful to hear them out. Sorry for putting you on the spot like that, but you did call people who were nice to me dumbasses, which I very much do not appreciate.

To Voltrasin, I understand your confusion, but the reason why Kamui Woods and Mt. Lady had ? for titles is because Izuku can't see the titles and levels of anyone fifty or more levels over his. Should've made that more clear, sorry. And yes, all heroes will have their hero names as their titles.

Also, I forgot to include map and quest log to the main menu. Fixed it, but I figured I should let you know

Now, on with the story!

xoxoxo

I stared at the pile of sludge in front of me. "Well, kid, seems like you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Unfortunately for you, I need a disguise." Ping. I looked at the new text box.

A new skill has been created through special action! Repeated exposure to bloodthirst has created the skill 'Sense Bloodthirst' to sense ill will.

Yeah, no thanks. I jumped out of the way as he lunged at me. "Observe"

Name: Kurosawa Shou

Title: Sludge Monster

Level: 26

HP: 1600/1600

MP: 500/500

STR: 30

VIT: 39

DEX: 34

INT: 16

WIS: 6

LUC: 6

Quirk: Sludge Body

Emotions: Grateful, bloodthirsty

Status: Sludge body

"Itadakimasu!" the slime said as part of his body shot out and stuck to my ankle. I gasped and quickly bent down to try and tear him off of me before he could do anything more to me. Unfortunately, my fingers slipped through him with little resistance. "Get over here!" he yelled, and I was yanked into him. As I was painfully dragged across the ground, I heard a ping, but I was a little too distracted by the sludge villain trying to eat me or something. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get away from him before he submerged me in himself and started trying to force himself down my throat. It was at this moment that I noticed something in the corner of my eye that I could somehow see perfectly fine.

HP: 184/250

MP: 275/275

And the HP was slowly going down as I struggled with the sludge villain. That was not a good sign. I struggled harder, but I couldn't get out. I thought I was going to die there. I heard another ping and looked up, hoping it was something I could use.

A new skill has been created through special action! Through repeatedly enduring damage, the skill 'Physical Endurance' has been created.

Due to struggling while unable to breathe, your VIT has raised by one!

Crap. Normally that would be good, but I couldn't use them to escape. My HP was still draining and my vision was starting to go dark. "Am I going to die here?" I thought. Just before I blacked out, though, I heard something.

"TEXAS SMASH!"

xoxoxo

When I came to, someone was lightly slapping me on the cheek. "Hey! Wake up!" a familiar voice said. I groaned and looked up to see... "Whew! Thought we lost you there!"

?

LV?

Toshinori Yagi

The name wasn't familiar, but there was no mistaking who the large, muscled, blonde man was. "ALL MIGHT!" I scrambled to my feet, now aware that I had been rescued by my idol. "Can I have your autograph?" He grinned and pointed at my hero analysis notebook, which must have slipped out of my backpack during the struggle. I opened it to the All Might page and beamed at the autograph that he'd written on it. "THANK YOU!"

"Good to hear it, kid! Always great to see a fan! Nowifyoudon'tmindmeIhavetogoturnthisvillainin!" He rushed out that last part while pointing to two soda bottles that the villain was stuffed in and then jumped away. Of course, by then... "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, KID?! LET GO!" I had stupidly grabbed onto his leg.

"If I let go I'll die!" I yelled back over the wind.

"GOOD POINT!" he said. He landed on a nearby roof and let me off. "I have to go now! Knock on the door and someone should let you down!" He made to jump again.

"Wait!" I yelled and closed my eyes. "All my life, I've looked up to you. I've wanted to be a hero just like you. But... my Quirk has only just surfaced. I'm sure it has potential, but it's going to take a lot of training for me to be able to use it as a hero. Even with potential, though, the exams to get into Yuuei are in ten months. Do you think I can still get into Yuuei?" I looked at him for an answer, but... "WHAT!?"

All Might

LV 9

Toshinori Yagi

If it weren't for the title confirming it, I'd have thought that he was a different person. Sure, he was blonde and very tall, but he was almost literally skin and bones! I guess whatever the hell just happened to him to make him a scarecrow was also what lowered his level, but... "Observe"

Name: Toshinori Yagi

Title: All Might

Level: 9

HP: 500/500

MP: 1100/1100

STR: 11

VIT: 4

DEX: 19

INT: 52

WIS: 35

LUC: 9

Quirk: One For All

Emotions: Annoyed, concerned

Status: Totally Fucked Up

"What happened to you, All Might?"

He sighed, then coughed up some blood. "Before I say anything, I need you to promise me you won't say a word of this to anyone. Don't go blabbing about this online, don't tell your friends, don't even say anything to your family. Got it?"

I nodded vigorously. "I won't tell anyone. It's obviously a big deal."

He sat down and raised up his now-baggy shirt, revealing a giant wound on his... everywhere... that could only be described as "Totally Fucked Up." It looked like someone took a fusion between a sledgehammer and a blender to his chest. "I was in a really bad fight five years ago. Took the villain down, but not before getting this ugly thing in return. By all rights, I should've died by now. Luckily, I 'only' got off with constantly coughing up blood and only being able to do hero work three hours a day."

"Toxic Chainsaw couldn't do that do you!"

"You really know your heroes, huh? No, it was another fight. I made sure nobody would hear about it, otherwise there'd have been a lot of panic. Kid, if you wanna be a hero, maybe you should wait a bit. Put it off 'til college or something, when you can actually use your Quirk." He got up and left through the door. I just stood there, stunned. Then I saw a giant explosion. "That's either a villain or Kacchan snapped," I said. "I wonder which one." Ping. "What's that?"

A quest has been created!

A quest?

What Now, Kacchan!?

You just saw an explosion! Maybe you should investigate.

Time limit: 30 minutes.

Well, I had nothing better to do... I looked down to see what I assumed were the rewards.

Completion: 2000 EXP, ?, ?, ?.

Failure: Bakugou Katsuki dies.

Okay. Definitely doing that now. Even if it could be considered vigilante work, I really didn't want Kacchan to die. I decided to run for it.

xoxoxo

When I got there, I saw a crowd of people standing just outside of the safe area. I pushed my way through the crowd to see the sludge villain from earlier in the middle of a flaming street, struggling with someone who was inside him. "Did he get loose when I grabbed onto All Might?" I thought. "Is this my fault?" I looked at the titles.

Sludge Monster

LV 26

Kurosawa Shou

Lord Explosion Murder

LV 14

Bakugou Katsuki

It was Kacchan in there! Before I knew what was happening, I was running in there. Ping. I looked at the text box.

New objective! Save Bakugou.

Welp. Looks like I made the right call. I focused back on the sludge villain in time to see him turning towards me. "You came back for some more, huh, kid? Well I'll kill you if you want it so badly!" The sludge villain looked like he was about to lunge, so I threw my backpack at his face. He flinched and yelled at me. I ran up to him and started tearing at the sludge around Kacchan's face. I heard a ping but didn't stop to look at it. I managed to get the sludge off of Kacchan's mouth. He gasped, coughed a bit, and then yelled, "GET AWAY, FUCKING DEKU! YOU'RE GONNA DIE!" That was either a death threat or he was actually concerned about me. Either way, my response was the same.

"What kind of hero would I be if I let you die?" I would've said something else, but my Sense Danger activated and I jumped back just in time to not get hit by a gooey punch.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" The sludge villain yelled. I would've done something but then I heard a pair of pings.

"I'M PATHETIC! DETROIT! SMASH!" a familiar voice yelled. A rush of air extinguished all of the fires and somehow blew the sludge villain apart while leaving Kacchan untouched. A few seconds later it randomly started raining. I looked to where the blast originated and saw All-Might standing there. "I'm sorry, boys."

xoxoxo

"What were you thinking!? You could have gotten yourself killed!" The heroes were not happy I rushed in there. I didn't really want to pay attention to their lectures, so I just looked at my text boxes. One of them congratulated me on how I made some sort of ripping skill my tearing the sludge off of Kacchan. It didn't look too good, but maybe I could work with it. The other one, though...

Congratulations! The quest What Now, Kacchan!? was completed!

Completion Rewards: 2000 EXP, Increased closeness with Toshinori Yagi, Access to the Skill Grimoir system, 3000 Skill Fragments

Your level has increased by one!

That... was something. At least I was level six now, even if I had no idea what a Skill Grimoir system was. Or what the heck I do with Skill Fragments. All I knew was that a bunch of balls like Munny from Kingdom Hearts swirled around me before getting absorbed into my body after All Might hit the villain, which apparently everyone saw and I had to explain that I had no idea what the heck happened there to the heroes. Turns out that random balls getting absorbed into the idiot kid who stupidly ran into the villain attack is normally a red flag of some sort. Specifically that, apparently. That is a really specific scenario to be wary of. At any rate, they eventually let me go when I promised that I wouldn't do anything too stupid without adult supervision. I was walking home when...

"HEY! DEKU!" A fuming Kacchan shoved himself at my face. "I DON'T EVER NEED YOUR HELP! IF YOU EVER TRY TO BAIL ME OUT LIKE THAT AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU!" Just to make his point, he let out an explosion aimed at the sky as he walked away. I sighed and continued along my way... for all of five seconds before All Might ran out in front of me.

"I AM HERE!"

"All Might! What are you doing here? Weren't you speaking to the press?"

"HA HA HA HA! I STAND FOR JUSTICE, NOT SOUNDBITES! FOR I, I AM ALL MI-plghght!" He started to go on this big speech before spewing out blood and shrinking down to his civilian form. I gave him a few minutes to clean himself off before he said, "Young man, I came to thank you and apologize. If you hadn't told me that you couldn't use your Quirk, if you hadn't ran in there... I would've been a worthless bystander, too afraid to do anything. So thanks."

"All Might, I-"

"I'm not done. You told me you couldn't really use your power, so when I saw this boy who might as well be Quirkless try to save a life, it inspired me too. There are stories about every hero, how they became great. Most have one thing in common. Their bodies moved before they had a chance to think, almost on their own. And today, that's what happened to you." I'm not going to lie, I teared up at this part. A lot. "Young man, you too can become a hero!"

"I-I don't know what too say! Thank you!"

"And I'm going to give you my Quirk, too!"

"Wait, what?"

"My Quirk. It's called One For All. It's a special power that can be passed on from one generation to the next, cultivated by one user then given on to a successor." He patted the OH GOD wound. "I won't be able to be a hero much longer, so I've been meaning to find someone to give One For All. It's actually why I came here. So, kid. Whaddya say? Wanna be the next All Might?"

midoriyaizuku.exe has stopped working. Reboot? Y/N

Y

"WHAT!?" I yelled.

"I want you to be my successor. I'll also help train you to use your Quirk even if you don't want my Quirk, so don't worry about that."

I bowed. "All Might, I'd be honored!"

"Great, kid! Let's trade phone numbers." All Might asked me for my phone number. ALL MIGHT ASKED ME FOR MY PHONE NUMBER! I gave him my phone number and he gave me mine. "I'll call you when I get everything ready. See you then!" He then walked off. I spent the rest of my walk home in silence, contemplating what just happened today. It was so crazy! But one thing was for sure. One thing that I had to do the second I got home. I walked in the door and immediately said, "Mom! I have to tell you something!"

Mom immediately came running and said, "What is it, honey?" She looked a little nervous.

I gulped. "Mom," I said, "I have a Quirk." The look on her face, that look of relief, joy, and excitement, was something I knew I'd cherish for years to come.

xoxoxo

A/N: Oh, snap! Ain't this a twist! Yeah, I'm way too much of a wuss to deal with the implications of Izuku being able to print money and I didn't know how to get Izuku magic without flat-out introducing magic otherwise, so I just combined the two problems into one solution. Izuku's going to figure out what that Skill Fragment and Skill Grimoir thing does soon, and I won't say anything more until them. Also yes, Izuku is going to make progressively more video game references if I can remember to do it. Seriously, the Gamer needs game shout-outs!

Anyways, I'll see y'all next time! Let's hope I manage to update this thing sometime within a month next!