#edmund nevermind

[darkbluekies]

Don't know if anyone asked but what would the yandere's reaction be to the reader patching them up after they get injured?

Warnings: mentions of cuts, blood, killing, yandere, feeling depressed? (I'm not sure what to call it)

Silas: 

He is strongly against you seeing him in this kind of condition. He’s supposed to be your protector, supposed to take care of you … not the other way around. But you manage to push him down on the toilet and start to clean his wounds while he hisses and curses, although afterwards, he’ll shower you in kisses and tell you how grateful he is.

“You’re not supposed to — fuck — do this. I can take care of myself, you know. Give me that — oh motherfucker — that disinfectant and I’ll do it myself. Yes, I am happy that you’re worried about me, but this isn’t my proudest moment, baby. Let me spare some damn dignity.”

Dr Kry: 

He has cut his palm deeply on one of his sharp tools while cleaning up after a surgery. He returns to your room where he keeps all of his stuff. His hands are shaking too much to be able to clean it. You decide to help him before he bleeds out. Dr Kry guides you through the process to make sure you do everything as you should.

“Take that and pat it on my hand. Be careful though, that disinfectant is pretty strong. Ouch — I’m fine, don’t worry. Then you have to take the bandage and wrap it around my hand nad wrist. Don’t wrap it until my hand turns blue, but make sure that its tight. Good job, Y/N. I think I’m good now. But now you need to get back to bed, you know that you shouldn’t be out too much … as a thank you, I can get you dessert after dinner, alright?”

King Edmund:

Cut in the shoulder by a sword. An enemy had caught him in a vulnerable moment. You sit him down on the side of the bed and remove his shirt before starting to clean the wound. Edmund groans and throws his head back to avoid seeing the mess. Although complaining a lot, he doesn’t want anyone else treating him. No one but you are worthy enough to touch his body.

“Hurry up, please! For the love of all mighty, aren’t you done soon? I’m going to die! Yes, I am, you wouldn’t know. I’m going to mangle that scum who had the nerve to dislocate my shoulder. Y/N, you are going to take care of me until I’m well again, won’t you? You have to. I’m your king … your husband. You need to take care of me.”

Jerry:

Another one who’s extremely against you seeing her in this condition. She tries to push you away when you try to help her, but she’s too weak. In the end, you manage to corner her in the bathroom and treat her bloody wounds. For once, her hard demeanor seem to fall. She’s quiet, limp. You ask what’s on her mind, fearing for why she’s not being her normal dramatic, sarcastic self.

“I honestly thought that I was going to die … I have never been so … scared before. I’m pathetic, aren’t I? Yes, I am. Don’t try to tell me otherwise. I know it already. You should have left me alone, Y/N. You shouldn’t patch me up. You should have left me to die. I love you. I know I don’t say that a lot, I just wanted you to … know. Sorry for being a pathetic pussy … I just … nevermind.”

Hedwig: 

She’s crying while you clean the wound on her cheek. She had been shaving off some baby hairs — a trick she’d seen online — but had been too uncertain, resulting in her cutting herself. You clean it softly and place a bandaid over it. 

“I look so ugly, don’t I? I can’t go to school like this! People will laugh at me. Everyone will know that i tried to shave and that I couldn’t do it. Please stay with me, Y/N, stay with me forever. You’re the only one who doesn’t care what I look like. It doesn’t look … that bad … right? I never want to be without you, i dont think i could do it.”

[quecksilvereyes]

It isn't that Lucy doesn't know Helen is her mother. She remembers, in hazy, smudged colours, the shape of those lips upon her forehead. The feeling of those soft fingers in her hair, knotted at the back, greasy in the front. Dark eyes, in dots, as a painting that makes no sense at all when viewed up close.

Helen Pevensie is thick layers of paint, not yet dry. Not yet framed. Not yet hung, with instructions on where to stand. So when Lucy, with child-eyes and child-lungs, looks at her, she sees:

Susan's smile lines. Peter's nose. The blush of Edmund's lips. Her own freckles, faded and powdered. Smudged. When she smiles and cradles little eight year old Lucy in her arms, the paint flakes from her hair.

Greys and browns. Blues.

Susan's skin is smooth. There is a gap between her teeth, and her hair is too short by half. Lucy skims her knees running on a straight alley, and it's Susan who holds her in her lap, humming songs of home. Susan's small hands on her neck, Susan's eyes, no longer golden as the mid-day sun in a cloudless sky.

Peter's nose is missing the hump that came from breaking it when he was ten-and-seven. His cheeks are bare. His hands are steady when she presses against him, fevered and coughing and greying at the edges. His voice is too high when he reads to her, and his skin is too soft.

His eyes are just blue, now, nevermind the storm outside.

It isn't that Lucy doesn't know Helen is her mother. It is just that her lap isn't the one she folds herself into. It's just that it isn't her blouse she presses her tears into.

"Lucy, darling", says Helen Pevensie. Her eyes are grey. Her mouth is grey. Her hands are grey. "Come sit with your mother, hm?" Lucy turns her face into the crook of Susan's neck.

Helen Pevensie sighs.

[to-the-western-wood]

edmund, to peter: are you a moron?

edmund: nevermind, rhetorical questions are rude. you are a moron

[scienceoftheidiot]

Tag game for fanfiction authors !

I was tagged by both @the-blue-eyed-firebender and @lassusog, thank you so much to both of you !!

The story you're proudest of: 

I have two in mind, but I will be talking about the other one later, and I want to talk about a finished one. I’m incredibly proud of us, @qs63 and myself, for “My own worst friend and my own closest enemy” (does it surprise anyone that I am the one who chose the title? BTW fun fact, it comes from the same song as my username). I’m proud of us for  writing a four hands fic relatively seamlessly, and managing to get to the end of it in a relatively short time. It was a blast from start to finish, and I’m also glad it seems to still get love a year after we finished publishing. Bonus, it’s still very fun to re-read for me because I only wrote 50% of it so I don’t remember everything and I get surprised every time haha. We managed to make a fic that also delves into character study for both BH and 03 Roy and Riza, and that was INCREDIBLY FUN. Best time. 

Your story that's gotten the most love online:

We don’t talk about failures Murdocks Never Quit in this house so let’s talk about one I’m actually proud of (at least I did learn from my mistakes). Besides, it seems to have gotten that much insane love without me even knowing or being told it so uh. Nevermind. That just couldn't work, could it.

Of course since it’s a very long fic with multiple chapters the one which has received the most love is All the hope (not that people read more long fics but statistically more people are exposed to it thanks to the new chapters updates), which I am very proud and insanely happy about, because at first I wasn’t even planning to publish it. And now I’m gladly on the way to finish this monster of a fic and already planning the second part. Go figure XD but I am so so grateful for everyone who has given a chance to it and for those who keep on reading. Extra bonus for you who leave all these detailed comments at each chapters, all of you, you have no idea how you’ve kept me afloat all year. And kept/keep me writing. All the love for you. Thank you so much. 

Tease a current WIP or idea you're working on: 

I’m already thinking of what I could do once I’m done publishing All the hope, and I have some WIPs lying around. The most developed one has already been partially written, and I’m considering trying to start posting it with a long delay between chapters, to allow me to work on multiple things at once. Not sure it’s a good idea, though. This one, some of my followers might know about, has for working name “1923”, and explores the lives of the Roy and Riza of OUR universe that we don’t get to see in Conqueror of Shamballa. I couldn’t NOT have fun with sending Roy into WW1, I mean, ME. SENDING CHARACTERS INTO WW1? HOW SURPRISING. I even managed to find a historically accurate way to send Riza to war without making a nurse out of her (which. No. No nurse Riza for me, unless you count her nursing Roy back to health)(of course, who do you think I am, you know what I write). There’s of course all the other characters that pop up here and there. And yes of course this is 100% Royai lol (UPDATE : I don't know what possessed me. It's a Royai fic alright. However. There are surprises in it. If I don't mention that I know someone will come and kill me with her bare hands. Lol. Royai with a twist I guess?)

Your top 3 fandoms:

I don’t know if I can count FMA 03 and Brotherhood/manga as different fandoms lol so FMA, Daredevil (comics or show, but they ARE different characters)(I'm more of a comics Matt lover, to everyone's surprise), and Ripper Street (everyone watch Ripper Street please and you will thank me after wanting to kill me). 

Your top 3 ships:

Royai, Havoroyai (didn’t specify I can’t have OT3), Havoroy yes there is a pattern here.

Wait was I supposed to talk about different fandoms? Then Matt/Karen and Edmund/his hat (and anyone who would be willing to give some love to this disaster of a man). 

Rec someone else's fic:

Your Warmth Against My Scars by @lassusog. Just. It’s just so good. Perfect angst, perfect characterisation, and so, so, so good on all parts I just can’t seem to find the words and it makes me insane. Read it if you haven’t already, re-read it if you have, which is what I’m planning to do. 

Pick one!

Fluff or Angst (or both, they gotta earn the fluff)

Oneshots or longfics

Canon compliance or canon divergence

AO3 or FF.net

I tag @qs63, @wellbehaveddolphin, I think all the other royai people have been tagged already ? My memory is Swiss cheese so if you haven't and you see this, please do it. And I'll extend to @mabonetsamhain, @residentdormouse, @littleragondin and @riotbrrrd :)

[idrawtoomuch-gw2]

Rambling Thoughts re: Edmund in SotO instead of Kai

• As noted on the initial armour doodles; Edmund would still be using illusions to cover the scars on his face (from Icebrood) because 1 I'm too lazy to dig out old drawings for ref, and 2 I kinda wanna redesign/simplify them to make more sense and be easier to draw

• I was planning on having the timeline go so that Edmund and Sophie would get into an actual relationship post Icebrood BUT I think I'll shove that a bit later at least after SotO for a couple reasons. The first reason is not being in a (monogamous) relationship means less complicated for Edmund to lust over/flirt with/etc with any eligible female character over the course of SotO (no idea how often this will come up in doodles but eh the option is there). The second reason;

• If Edmund was with Sophie then 'Joining the Wizards' is not something he would ever even think about, nevermind actually consider. Without her though? He would absolutely give it some serious thought. (spoilers: he won't join but I'd like the option to explore his thoughts/feelings on that.)

Direct Story Step Thoughts;

• Obviously the interview bit at the start would still be done by Kai, but the step with the camp is pretty easy to toss Edmund into without that- it's in Gendarran Fields, which also where the main Vigil Keep is. Boom. He was on his way to or from the keep, saw a bunch of people camped out there and got curious. (He's also much better at sneaking than Kai is so that works)

• One change early on would involve Edmund's leg- the prosthetic one- during the initial 'fight' with Cerus it would get broken so once he'd get through to Skywatch he would be carried by Frode until he could get on the skyscale, after things would calm a little he'd get chance to rest a bit then receive a temp leg from the Astral Ward, then later a better magical one from the Wizards (probably around where you visit the infirmary and after Act 3 respectively)

• the more I think about this the more it changes from a 'What If' to 'Screw It Kai is on Vacation It's Edmund's Turn'

[pandabibble]

Digitized Noel Edmunds wants to call you and do a weird out of place right wing rant at you! oh but you didn't answer...

...nevermind he's ranting away anyway even if no one can hear him! look at the little scamp go!

[commander-chaoss]

You have pet birds? If so, what species etc?

28 actually. I have backyard chickens, and ducks. ATM we have 3 baby chicks in the bathtub because they are too small to go outside, hence being in the bathroom with the birds.

More info beneath the cut because I love my babies but don't want to list all of them and clog people's feeds when no one cares lol

Edit: nevermind I have no idea how to add a cut and Google lied to me

I have

Chicky-chick (black sex link)

Regina George (black sex link)

Taco Bell (black sex link)

Bobbi (black sex link)

Peggy (buff orpington)

Eliza (buff orpington)

Presley (ameraucana)

Harriet (ameraucana)

Beans (ameraucana)

Priscilla (dominique)

Sam-I-Am (olive egger)

Ramona (olive egger)

Barbara (barnevelder)

Hazel (barnevelder)

Beatrice (silver laced wyandotte)

Caspian (silver laced wyandotte rooster)

Peter (svarthöna rooster)

Edmund (svarthöna rooster)

And the chicks, Susan and Lucy (white orpington) and.....an unnamed rhode island red.

Then there's Frankie, an absolutely massive Pekin, Percy Quackson, James Madison, Meg and Jo (black swedish) and Beth and Amy (blue swedish)

Here is pictures not of my specific birds, they aren't cooperative enough for that, but of their breeds and roughly what they look like

I can't fit pictures of duckies also so I will rb with em

But Priscilla is my precious baby and the first of our animals to show empathy to me, which is weird, because chickens aren't really supposed to show empathy at all? Even within their flocks they don't really show empathy. They'd rather eat each other alive. And we have animals that DO show empathy to humans. Dogs and cats, even goats are more affectionate at least, but no, it was the chicken. I was crying and she climbed onto my lap and cooed at me. None of our birds would do such a thing, none but her. I love her.

[kingconquers]

@gcldencrcwns​.

Augustine cleared his throat slightly awkwardly, left entirely alone at the table with Edmund, save for the servants. Family dinners were rare enough occasions, nevermind solely the two of them - he spent little one on one time with his third child. Edmund had been Josephine’s favored, Josephine’s son, and Augustine had thought to leave well enough alone once it became clear that Edmund had no interest in warfare or athletics. It had been so long now that he truthfully didn’t know what to say to him. He finally settled on, “What do you think of Switzerland so far?” as neutral of a topic as he could think of.

[hotboxd]

MANDELA CATALOGUE VOL 4 live reaction (spoilers obviously?!?!?)

MY HEAD IS EXPLODING THIS SHIT KINDA FREAKY 😭 THEY GOT LIVE ACTION NOW TOO UHHHH MY LORD GABRIEL IS WEIRD ALSO IS IT JUST ME OR DOES ADAM'S VOICE SOUND A BIT DIFFERENT?? UGHH I'M GETTING BAD VIBES FROM HIM UGHHHHHHH WHY HE ACTING LIKE THAT 😭😭😭😭 SOMEONE GET JONAH UP IN HERE PLEASE I MISS HIM 😭😭😭 SARAH HONEY LEAVE WHILE YOU STILL CAN GET AWAY FROM THIS BLEACH BLONDE M.A.D HAVING CREEPASS 😭😭 OH NO OH NO NAH SARAH'S LEAVING NOW THANK GOODNESS BUT THAT MEANS JONAH'S DOING THIS SHIT NOW (okay here i thought it was like a blast from the past but nevermind it's following chronological order) oh okay we looking at uhh dms rn also jonah's right 25mg fucks anyways ADAM RESPOND TO EVELIN 'jonah bailed and i'm pretty sure he's dead or something' HAVE SOME EMPATHY MAN CMON WASN'T THAT YOUR HOMEBOY 😭😭 'OKAY WAIT let me say the good news' adam there is NO GOOD NEWS AFTER THAT 😭😭😭😭 MAN WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T THINK IT WOULDA BEEN A BIG DEAL YO BESTFRIEND GOT HIS ASS MERCED 😭😭 ADAM STOP WITH YOUR EMO ASS 'i don't have friends' I CAN DAMN WELL SEE WHY MAN CMON 😭😭 yknow what this bitch is either an alternate or a sociopath because like. why?? 'NO WONDER EVELIN LEFT YOU' OKAY DAMN SARAH damn who's smooth ass voice is that thatcher that you?? i'm sorry why does his hair look like a party city wig 😭😭 okay shit this monologue is really good alex kister has come a long ass way OH SHIT THE DARKNESS FOLLOWED HIM HOME IS THAT A. MARK HEATHCLIFF REFERENCE???!?!??! this is so fucking CREEPY AHJBDIUOCIUIB wait is he like flatmates with his alternate or sum?? DAVE LEE THANK THE LORD 😭😭 OH SHIT SARAH GETTIN FIRED??? AHHH OH MY GOD THATCHER'S ALT LOOKS SO FREAKY WTF WTF UGHHHH WHY HE LOOK LIKE THAT okay whoever voices thatcher has a very soothing voice he should do asmr or meditation videos or sum 😭😭 OH NO THATCHER DON'T CRY DAMN THIS ACTOR IS GOOD AS ALL FUCK GOOD GOD oh my god adam this memorial video is ASS what the FUCK oh this boy is definetely an alternate i swear if he's actually this much of a dickhead...... OH SHIT HOUSE FOOTAGE oh my god jonah's middle name was EDMUND???? wait huh are these voices speaking spanish 😭😭 nevermind that's english whoops goddamn these actors are saying these lines with they whole chest oh no FACE STUDIO??? that's bad news oh my god who would ever use this please god tell me this bombed on release day..... AHHH freaky ass shit oh my god 😭😭 i'm fucking hiding in the comments oh shit dave and thatcher on the PHONE this sounds like they're breaking up 😭😭 oh man lord what is that melody OH SHIT IT'S.... GABE?? I'M ASSUMING OH MY GOD IT IS IS HE BRITISH HE KINDA SOUNDS LIKE AN ELF. NAH I'M SORRY DAVE LOOKS KINDA GOOFY HERE 😭😭 GABE LOOKING WEIRD AS PER THE USUAL OH SHIT WHY IS THE ALARM GOING OFF oh my god this shit is so FUCKING FREAKY AHH GOD IS THAT STANLEY?!?!?!? AHH OH MY FUCKING GOD HE'S LIKE HIS FUCKED UP DAD GOOD WHAT STOP STOPSTOP NO OH MY GOD HE IS AN ALTERNATE

well..... that was a fucking rollercoaster??? ngl i kinda miss the og style 😭😭

[ramblingsonic]

Nevermind, I should have finished reading the page.

The guy taking it hard was a different echidna entirely, Edmund's son is Steppenwolf, and Menniker is evil.

[soraavalon]

DM: You retire all to bed and sleep as well as I'm sure you usually sleep on the road. Then in the morning Edmund has the carriage ready, and is intending to meet Vanessa up at the chapel and then head on out. -long silence- Tark: It's a very awkward silence as we're just going down the road. Everyone's avoiding eye contact. -laughter- DM: When we said 'don't talk about it' we also meant to one another. Tark: No one meant to take it that way, but everyone unanimously agreed that no one was going to start a conversation unless someone else did, but everyone else thought the same thing. DM: Yep. So you arrive back, Vanessa is saying goodbye to Lucier. Moriarty (OOC): The sneast? DM: The sneast. They're--- -laughter- Nathaniel (OOC): You sounded so tired. DM: Yeah. Tark (OOC): *laughing* Deep breath in. DM: They're speaking quietly to one another, they're nodding more than she is. They take her hands and kind of press them to their forehead and Vanessa nods and heads over to all of you waiting by the carriage. Edmund helps her in the back and you guys are free to load in as you please. Hunt: Unless someone says something, Hunt is gonna be back up at the driver's seat next to Edmund. Moriarty (OOC): Out of character, wouldn't it be better for her lungs to be in the carriage? Hunt (OOC): Theoretically yes, but that why I said unless somebody else says something. DM: Yes. Moriarty: Moriarty's going to pull Hunt aside, "Shouldn't you be in the carriage for the sake of your lungs? Hunt: There's a bit of a pause, "Yeah, yeah you're right." She just gives Moriarty a pat on the shoulder and goes into the carriage. Moriarty: Moriarty also goes into the carriage because he's not giving up his spot. Tark (OOC): Oh my god. DM: Valid. Hunt: What?! If you're going be in here, I'm going out there 'cause someone has to keep an eye out! Gods! Tark (OOC): *finished laughing* Oh my god. Moriarty (OOC): *laughing* Tark (OOC): You're the fucking worst. Hunt: I thought you were...You know what, no, nevermind! Eudora: I'll go up front if no one else wants to. Tark: Tark is doubled over laughing. Moriarty (OOC): Sorry, I missed everything that happened 'cause I was laughing.

[darkbluekies]

So how would the yanderes reactions be to being confessed to by the reader but before they could say anything the reader backtracks and says "Nevermind ignore what I just said." Before trying to speedwalk away

Silas: 

He can barely interpret what you said. You said that you liked him, didn’t you? He isn’t going deaf for quite some time, so he must have heard right! He chuckles and grabs your shoulder, preventing you from leaving. 

“Now, now, baby, I don’t think I heard you right. Why don’t you be a good girl/boy and repeat what you said, hm?”

Dr Kry:

A smile spreads on his face. God, you’re so cute, aren’t you? You won’t get far though, because Dr Kry hurries after you and blocks the door to the bathroom you were fleeing to. He stands behind you with his arm spread out in front of you to hold the door close. He’s lost all sense of self control. You like him, you actually like him! There’s no time to be professional anymore. 

“Repeat that. Tell it to me again. I want to hear it. I need to hear it or I will faint. Repeat it, now.”

King Edmund:

He’ll break out into a large smile and start chasing you down the gigantic castle halls. He catches you by your waist and spins you around with a laugh. He’s never been so happy before. You’ve sealed your faith.

“I heard that, don’t even try! You’re mine forever now, my darling. Tell me again, I need to hear it or else I think I’m going to lose my mind. Use your pretty voice and tell me how much you love me.”

Jerry:

She pulls you back by the arm, making you crash into her chest. She presses her lips against yours, moving carelessly. She holds onto you tightly, most likely leaving bruises. 

“I’m not stupid, Y/N, I heard everything you said. You can’t take it back now, you’re mine. Only mine.”

Hedwig: 

She gasps and drops her jaw. You like her?! This is the best day ever. She runs after you and hugs you from behind, squeezing you tightly for your heart to end up in your mouth. She nuzzles her face into your neck. 

“I love you so much! I want you too! Let’s be together! Forever!”

[danganronpa-atn]

WHAT IF YOU GIVE THE GD CREW A PLUSHIE OF THEMSELVES DESCRIBED WITH GPT-3

AKANE OWARI

"Oh, wow! A plushie of myself! Thank you so much!" Akane gushes as she takes the toy from you. She gives you a big smile and a hug in thanks.

CHIAKI NANAMI

"Oh wow, thank you so much!" Chiaki sleepily exclaimed as she took the plushie from you. "It's so cute!" She hugged the plushie close to her chest and smiled at you. "I'm really happy you thought of me when you saw this. Thank you so much!"

FUYUHIKO KUZURYU

"The fuck is this?" Fuyuhiko demanded, holding the plushie out at arm's length and giving it a look of disgust. "Why would I want a plushie of myself?" "I-I thought you might like it," you stammered, feeling your face flush with embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry, I'll take it back." You reached for the plushie, but Fuyuhiko jerked it away, clutching it to his chest. "No, fuck that. This belongs to me now."

GUNDHAM TANAKA

"Ah, them's my Four Dark Devas of Destruction!" Gundham exclaimed as he took the plushie from you. He held it up in the air and looked at it admiringly. "They are my personal army, you know. I've been training them since I was a child." He then looked at you with a sinister grin. "And now, with this new addition to my forces, I shall be unstoppable!"

HAJIME HINATA

"H-Hey, thanks for the plushie… I-I really appreciate it!" Hajime stammered, his cheeks flushing red in embarrassment. He fidgeted with the toy self-consciously, not quite sure what to do with it. "No problem, Hajime. I thought you might like it," you replied, smiling warmly at him. Hajime averts your gaze, clearing his throat awkwardly. "W-Well, I guess I'll just put it over here with the rest of my stuff then…" he mumbled, setting the plushie down on his desk.

HIYOKO SAIONJI

Even though you two aren't dating, you giving Hiyoko a plushie of herself makes her feel special. She knows you did it because you care about her, and she appreciates that. She might bully you a bit, but it's only because she likes you. She thinks of you as her gummy bear, and she hopes you know that she cares about you deeply.

IBUKI MIODA

"Thank you so much for the plushie! It's so cute! I love it!" Ibuki exclaimed as she hugged the plushie tightly. "Ibuki's sure she'll treasure it forever!"

KAZUICHI SODA

"Hey man, thanks for the plushie!" Kazuichi says as he gives you a fist bump. "It's really cool that you made one of me!"

MAHIRU KOIZUMI

Mahiru is really happy that you gave her a plushie of herself! She gives you a big hug and thanks you for thinking of her.

MIKAN TSUMIKI

Mikan is so touched that someone would go out of their way to make her a plushie of herself. She gives you a sincere and heartfelt thank you, letting you know just how much it means to her. She's extremely shy, but she's also very grateful. Thank you so much for thinking of her.

NAGITO KOMAEDA

"Thank you so much for the plushie!" Nagito says, holding the plushie. "It's really awesome, and it gives me a lot of hope. Just like how this little plushie of myself represents the power of hope, I'll use it as motivation to keep pushing forward and never give up!" He then holds the plushie up to the sky. "Even in the darkest of times, we must never forget the power of hope. It's what allows us to stand up to despair and fight for a better future. So thank you for reminding me of that with this adorable plushie."

NEKOMARU NIDAI

"Thanks for the plushie!" Nekomaru saids as he stuffs it in his jacket pocket. "It's really cool to have a mini-me to cuddle with. I'm sure it'll come in handy during long games back at the high school where I coach."

PEKO PEKOYAMA

She gives you a small smile and a nod of thanks. You can tell she's happy to have a plushie of herself, even if she doesn't show it outwardly.

SONIA NEVERMIND

Meanwhile, in Novoselic…

Sonia looks upon her father, the King of Novoselic. "Father, this kind stranger has given me a plushie of myself." Sonia says. "In return, I'd like to ask that you let them have some of your wealth when you pass away." The King of Novoselic, Edmund Nevermind, thinks about this for a while and turns back to Sonia. "Sonia, my dear, you are too kind." King Nevermind says. "I will be sure to remember this act of generosity when I pass the throne to you. May they live a long and prosperous life, as you will when you take the throne."

TERUTERU HANAMURA

He's so excited that he gives you a big hug! "Thank you so much, new kid! This is the best present I've ever gotten!" He then starts to look at some of the girls a little too closely and then back to the plushie. "Hmm… I wonder what she looks like without her clothes on…" He then looks up at you with a perverted grin and his nose starts bleeding a bit. "Hey, do you think you could get me a plushie of one of the girls with their clothes off? I promise I'll take good care of it!"

[to-the-western-wood]

caspian: august, september, halloween, november, december

peter: i think you mean august, september, halloween, turkey, christmas

eustace: i believe it's spelled hot as balls, fuck it it's school again, halloween, turkey, christmas

edmund: don't forget new years, forever alone, windy as fuck, shit it's raining, allergies, oh hey it's actually decent, wait nevermind

lucy: and a partridge in a pear tree!

[youreamonocoque]

Oh Kyle... Shite

[edettethegreat]

in honor of the end of high school, here’s a short summary of every book I had to read over the past 4 years:

9th grade

A Separate Peace-

Finny: Hi Gene!

Gene: *pushes him out of a tree*

Finny: Ouch. *dies*

Great Expectations-

Pip: I hate Estella

Pip: nevermind she’s pretty

Pip: I like Estella

Pip: but she doesn’t like me!

Pip: she was leading me on this whole time!!

Estella, who constantly told Pip she doesn’t like him: I was what now.

Lord of the Flies-

Ralph: we need to keep order on this island

Jack: but what if we didn’t

Ralph: ok you do you and I’ll do me

*after at least 2 people die*

Ralph and Jack: where did we go wrong

Alice in Wonderland-

Alice: huh wow this sure is a weird land I landed in

The Tempest-

Prospero: Here’s my elaborate revenge scheme on my brother

Prospero: it involves my daughter happily marrying the man she loves

Prospero: and then we all happily return to Italy

Prospero: with my brother facing minimal legal consequences for banishing me.

Prospero: REVENGE!!

Driving Miss Daisy-

Daisy: hi I’m racist

Hoke: but what if you weren’t

Daisy: huh. I never considered that. Thanks.

Pygmalion-

Higgins: I think I’m going to mildly abuse this kid called Eliza

Eliza: huh that sure would suck 

Higgins: sucks to be you then. This wouldn’t be happening if you spoke proper English.

Eliza: that doesn’t sound entirely right, but I don’t know enough about proper English to argue.

10th grade

To Kill a Mockingbird-

Atticus: in conclusion, this man is undeniably innocent

Jury: Atticus have you considered that this is the south and he’s black?

Jury: *unanimously votes Guilty*

Atticus: literally what is wrong with you.

The Merchant of Venice-

Shylock: in conclusion, I have a legal contract stating I can stab the guy who’s been committing hate crimes against me for years now

Portia: Shylock have you considered that this is 14th century Italy and you’re Jewish?

The court: *forces him to give his possessions away and convert to Christianity*

Shylock: literally what  is wrong with you.

The Count of Monte Cristo-

Villefort: In conclusion, you’re clearly innocent and someone’s framing you

Villefort: but have you considered that you now have evidence that my father committed treason and if I don’t send you  to jail you might tell someone?

Villefort: *gives Edmond a life sentence in the Chateau d’If*

Edmond: literally what is wrong with you.

11th Grade

My Antonia-

Jim: welp I’m an orphan now so I’m gonna move in with my relatives in Nebraska

Jim: *does that*

Jim: welp Nebraska is full of fields and farms.

Jim: guess I gotta learn some farming now.

Fahrenheit 451-

Montag: what if I read a book?

Everything: *goes very wrong*

Montag: oh no.

Twelve Angry Men-

Everyone except for 8: the kid’s guilty

8: but get this

8: what if he’s not

Everyone: *is angry*

Macbeth-

Witches: you’ll be king!

Macbeth: ah so I have to kill the guy who’s currently king?

Witches: ... literally when did we say that?

Macbeth: ok he’s dead now.

Huckleberry Finn-

Huck: hey Jim let’s leave this place together!

Jim: ok

Huck, 20 chapters later: I don’t know what’s happening but I have at least 10 aliases now

Twelfth Grade

The Longest Day-

The World: hey guys who’s up for a Second World War?

Everybody: no please no

The World: oops too late

Beowulf-

Beowulf: I’ll fight all the monsters!!

Everyone: yeah!!

Beowulf: oops a dragon bit me and I’m dead now

Homecoming-

Dicey: wow it sure sucks that our mom abandoned us

Dicey: if only we could find a functional place to live

Nobody:

Dicey: actually yeah I don’t know what I was expecting- no one can afford to take in 4 children in this economy

Raison in the Sun-

Lena: Here’s all the money we have

Lena: be very responsible with it- we need it to buy a house and send your sister to medical school

Walter: oops I lost it all to my sketchy friend who turned out to be a scammer 

Lena: literally WHAT DID I JUST SAY??

Antigone-

Antigone: I’m gonna go bury my brother

Creon: ok then I’m gonna go murder you

That one guy: actually if you kill her everything will go very wrong

Creon: I’m gonna kill her anyway.

Everything: *goes wrong*

Creon: If only someone would have warned me!!

Hamlet-

the ghost: go kill your uncle. Avenge my death.

Hamlet: ok

Hamlet: *responsibly verifies the facts*

Hamlet: ok NOW it’s murder time!

Hamlet: *kills the wrong person*

Hamlet: whoops.

The ghost: you had ONE job!!

Death of a Salesman-

Willy: I wanna die

Everyone: ok.

Willy: *kills himself*

Everyone: if only there had been some way to prevent this tragic outcome! 

Long day’s Journey into Night-

Edmund: dad I’m dying

James Sr.: hi dying I’m dad

Edmund: that’s not helpful. *proceeds to suffer*

King Lear-

Lear: I’ll divide up my kingdom according to who loves me the most

Goneril and Regan: that would be us

Lear: well since lying wasn’t invented yet I’m going to believe that wholeheartedly.

Pride and Prejudice-

Elizabeth: I hate Darcy

Elizabeth: plus Wickham says he’s the worst

Elizabeth: oh wait Wickham was lying

Elizabeth: oh wait Darcy’s really rich and hot

Elizabeth: nevermind I like Darcy now.