#elain: I need sunshine

[funeralflow3rs]

okay but listen,,, listen,,, are you listening,,, I cannot stop thinking about how the cauldron loves elain and its just... SO interesting to me that the MOMENT she pops out from the depths she's given a mate. there were any number of people there that could have been "assigned" to her ( if ur picking up what I'm putting down lmao ) the cauldron peered into her soul and saw all of her wants and needs and gifted her with the person that embodied all of those things and then some.

I will never stop thinking about this actually.

[olenvasynyt]

"Elain doesn't need sunshine! She is sunshine!"

Let's ignore the part where Feyre asks Elain if she needs anything and Elain says "sunshine" for a sec (because a lot of E/riels enjoy ignoring Elain)--

So you agree? She is sunshine and light and therefore she doesn't belong in the NIGHT court? She belongs in another Court? Hmm idk what could Court that could be, though...maybe one that's associated with SUNshine and LIGHT like the DAY COURT?

[gwyns]

explain to me how a flower would thrive in darkness

[marvelsmylife]

Can you feel my heart breaking? Part two

Pairing: Azriel x reader 

Plot: five months after Azriel discoveres you are his mate, the night court pays the day court a visit. What happens when Azriel discovers another male is making his intentions known that he wants to court you?

A/n I’m contemplating writing a part three (including smut) let me know if you guys are interested in it.

Part One

Acotar Masterlist

Send in Requests

It took everyone in the inner circle to physically stop Azriel from going after you when you left for the day court. After revealing that you already knew Azriel was your mate, Rhysand explained that you asked for some space. Azriel listened in horror as Rhysand detailed what you endured for the past year and a half. He couldn’t believe you bottled up all the pain you felt while you watched him love someone else.

Poor Elain started apologizing for being part of the reason you left and swore nothing ever happened between her and Azriel. Rhysand reassured her that you held no ill will towards her and you left to clear your head but that you would be back in a few months.

Rhysand begged Azriel to give you space while you process your emotions. “Rhys, please. I need to see her. I need to tell her that I know that I am her mate and that I want this mating bond.”

“No,” Rhysand said firmly: “You are also prohibited from traveling to the day court until she lets me know she’s ready”.

Azriel didn’t give up though, he sent out his spies into the day court and they gave him updates on your well-being. Every night they would report the same thing: you were fine, you were safe, and you were still staying with Helion despite your family living nearby. Over time, they would report that you were smiling more and having pleasant conversations with the people around the villages you would visit.

That brought a smile to the spymaster's face. He remembered how kind you were to everyone who crossed your path; even towards people who didn’t deserve your kindness.

One day though, one of Azriel’s spies informed him that there was a new general in the day court who had taken a liking towards you. They informed Azriel that this new general is actively seeking you out and gifting you small presents to win you over.

Panic started to take over Azriel’s body at the news. It never crossed his mind that someone else would try to court you while you were away. 

Azriel pleaded with Rhysand to visit the day court so he could see you. He told him what his spies had informed him and he was worried you might accept a courtship. Rhysand wanted to respect your wishes but he couldn’t bear to see his brother's desperate state anymore “ok, ok I’ll contact Helion and request if we can visit. But let me make one thing clear” Rhysand warned “You better hope whatever you have plan works out. I need y/n back home with us”.

Helion accepts Rhysand’s requests and extends an invitation to Rhysand and his inner circle to stay with him.

Azriel was on edge when they finally arrived at the day court and waited for you to come down and greet them. While they waited for you, Helion thanked Rhysand for sending you to him because in his words “you brought so much happiness to him and his people”.

Rhysand responded with “That’s why we love her so much. She’s like our own personal ball of sunshine. I don’t know what we would do without her.”

“You would survive” you teased and caught everyone’s attention “but it’s nice to know I make that much of an impact on you guys”.

Time seemed to stop for Azriel as he watched you make your way downstairs. That was until the unnamed general appeared by your side and whispered something in your ear. 

Jealousy surged through Azriel as he watched you playfully roll your eyes and giggle at whatever the general had said. “Control your anger,” Rhysand warned: “Do not jeopardize our alliance with the day court over his comments. Y/n has no interests in the general”.

Right at that moment you looked over at Azriel and sent him a concerning look. You were about to ask if something was wrong when Helion announced that it was time for dinner and guided everyone into the dining area.

Throughout dinner, Azriel couldn’t help but glance over at you. A smile appeared on his face as he took in your beauty. He couldn’t believe he completely overlooked you and was pining after the wrong female. He wanted to desperately tell you in front of everyone, especially in front of the general that had also been eye fucking you throughout dinner that he knew you were his mate.

He didn’t though. He knew it would be foolish to announce it in front of everyone and probably cause you to be embarrassed. He needed to do it when you were alone. 

Fortunately for him, that opportunity came sooner than he thought. “I’ll be right back, I need to use the washroom” you excused yourself and left the table. Azriel took the opportunity and excused himself as well before trailing after you.

Azriel patiently waited outside for you. His shadows went wild with excitement when you finally exited and quickly darted towards you. “Oh hello,” you squealed at the shadows running up and down your body.

“They missed you” Azriel explained and got your attention.

“Azriel” you whispered “what are you doing here? Why aren’t you eating with everyone else?”

“I needed to talk to you in private” Azriel replied and started making you feel nervous about what he might want to talk about. “Why didn’t you tell me you were my mate?” Azriel asked with desperation in his hazel eyes.

The question took you by surprise but you decided to answer it honestly: “Because you were in love with Elain,” you replied: “You were so in love that you questioned the cauldron's decision to make Lucien Elain's mate.” Azriel felt his heart stop at your explanation. He didn’t know that anyone heard his argument with Rhysand months ago about him thinking the cauldron made a mistake. “I thought if you found out I was your mate you would think the cauldron definitely made a mistake and that I was intended to be with Lucien and you with Elain. I just want you to be happy and if that means being with Elain then you have my blessing. But if you do proceed with courting her, I will be permanently moving to the day court.” You tried your hardest not to cry before continuing: “I can’t bear to be under the same roof when it happens”.

Sadness rippled through the bond and Azriel hated the fact that he was the reason behind it. “I don’t want Elain; I want you” Azriel pleaded. “I can’t live another second without you by my side.”

“It’s just the mating bond” you replied “It’ll fade away over time.”

“No it won’t” Azriel got closer and cupped your face “Do you need me to get on my knees for you? I’ll drop this instant if it means you forgive my actions. Listen, you don’t have to accept the mating bond right now if you don’t want to, but please allow me to show you how much I love you.”

Every part of you wanted to say no, you just got in a good place mentally and you didn’t want to have it destroyed again. Another part of you felt the desperation through the bond and wanted nothing more than to wrap your arms around Azriel. Letting out a shaky breath, you whispered: “Please don’t break my heart.”

Azriel took that as an invitation to lean in and kiss you. You felt yourself become one with Azriel as he deepened the kiss and started moving his hands up and down your body: “I’ll guard it with my life” Azriel replied; his lips hovering over your own “Thank you for trusting me with it”.

Just as Azriel was about to slip his hands under your dress, a loud cough caused you to pull away. Azriel looked over his shoulder and spotted the general glaring at the two of you: “My high lord is wondering if you will be joining us for dessert or are you two going to fuck instead.”

“Tell Helion that we will not be joining you guys,” you replied before looking up at Azriel: “Tell him that my mate and I are going to be in my room for the rest of the night.”

Azriel gave the general a wicked grin at your response before being pulled upstairs to your room. 

@willowpains

[milswrites]

Hobbies Part 9.

~ Azriel X Reader

Summary: In an attempt to keep Azriel away from Elain, Rhys sends him on a sabbatical to the Day Court. With a lot more free time on his hands Azriel needs to find something to keep him occupied. Unfortunately he meets Y/N who has the annoying habit of not staying away. Can she teach him that there’s more to life than he thought?

Grumpy!Azriel X Sunshine!Reader

Series masterlist

Warnings: none?

Azriel moved through the halls like a starved beast. Hunting for the one thing that could satisfy him. His mate.

After the bond had snapped into place Azriel had wasted no time in travelling through his shadows to the Day Court. Whilst he couldn’t directly travel into the palace, Azriel made sure to get as close to the wards as he possibly could. Not stopping to wait for a single minute as he forced his way into the grand building, uncaring of the shocked guards who had taken to chasing after him through the winding corridors, shouts of their objection flooding his ears.

He was searching for Helion. For the one person who could tell him where Y/N was staying, where Azriel so desperately needed to go.

The shouts of alarm from the Day Court guards was a blessing for Azriel, their call having drawn the attention of the High Lord. Helion appearing before Azriel in all his glory, there was no surprise on his face at the presence of the shadowsinger in his halls. In fact it was almost as if he was waiting for him.

“I must say you’re later than I expected, did you walk here?” The High Lord teased, flashing a blinding smile to an unimpressed Azriel.

“Where is she?” He growled out, not wanting to waste any precious time he could be having with Y/N by staying and talking to Helion longer than he needed to.

“What?” The male gasped mockingly, “no hello Helion? I’ve missed you Helion? You’re the greatest High Lord ever Helion? I was hoping for more after what I did for you, forging relationships isn’t my usual job role.”

“Where is she?” Azriel snarled once more, refusing to play this game. Azriel was surprised at the control he was showing, the ugly monster inside of him that was born from the revelation of the bond wanted nothing more than to hold a knife to the High Lord’s throat until he told him where Y/N had been sent.

Helion sighed, but the glint of something other than annoyance shone in his eyes and Azriel could tell that the male was pleased at Azriel’s impromptu arrival at his court, “She’s in a village North-East of here, it’s about a two hour flight… but with the state you’re in I’d reckon you could make it in one.”

Without as much as a thank you, Azriel sped from the scene, the guards that had been chasing after him divided, allowing the tense Illyrian to pass through them, fearing what would occur if they were to stop him.

Not even waiting until he had cleared the palace gate, Azriel stretched his wings and took flight, as if spending another hour without Y/N’s grounding presence would lead to most certain death.

And so Azriel flew faster than he had ever done in his life. The bitter evening wind biting his cheeks and knotting his unruly hair. But Azriel didn’t care, not about his appearance, not when every minute that passed meant he was getting closer and closer to his mate. His Y/N.

Azriel would have flown for centuries if he had to, if only it meant Y/N would be there waiting for him when he landed. The mating bond must have gifted some cauldron-blessed power to Azriel who found he had never flown so swiftly, wings acting on their own accord as they beat powerfully, allowing Azriel to cut through the sky like a blade.

Until he felt it, the gentle tugging growing stronger, drawing him towards where he most needed to be. Stirred on by the feeling and wanting to be consumed by it completely, Azriel followed. Slowing his flight until he came across a quaint village which was glowing amber as the sun set around it. Y/N was somewhere in this small collection of thatched houses and farms, unaware of the arrival of the male who had become overwhelmed with his want to be near her.

Landing with such a force that his knees buckled, Azriel readily cast his eyes to his surroundings, scanning for the woman he so longed to hold. He walked through the gathering crowd of alarmed villagers, whispering to each other in question as they clearly had never seen an Illyrian soldier before. Let alone one who looked as feral as Azriel no doubt did after his rushed flight, wings flared and cobalt siphons vibrating with the need to release the power building within him due to his increased adrenaline the bond was pulsating through him.

He scanned all their terrified faces, seeking the familiar features of the woman he had grown to love. Eyes jumping from villager to villager until they finally landed on her. On the woman who Azriel was prepared to drop onto his knees for and beg for her forgiveness. He would do anything to ensure her happiness.

~~~~~

“Azriel” she breathed his name from her lips in disbelief, needing to repeat it to be sure that he had truly existed and that he was here now, “Azriel?”

Here she was, stood before Azriel in the sweetest shade of violet and he found himself unable to speak, stunned by her innocent beauty. Even the small crease of her brows caused his heart to palpitate. All the words he had wished to tell her over the past two weeks lodged themselves in his throat. Nothing he could say would ever do justice to the incredible woman before him.

As the shock of his sudden appearance in the village wore away, confusion flooded her expression, “Is that…my tunic? How did you get that? It was in my house.”

Once more Azriel failed to find the words he so urgently required. His mouth open yet unspeaking like a fool. Instead, he reached into the pocket of his tunic to retrieve the item he had hurriedly crammed inside before his disappearance from the Night Court. Azriel pulled out the sketchbook she had given him on their very first day of meeting and held it out to a stunned Y/N.

“What- what’s this?” She asked, taking the book with a frown on her face.

“You were right” the words finally poured from his mouth, “about me being miserable, about how I don’t do anything. That my friends wouldn’t want me to do nothing and waste away.”

Her eyebrow twitched as she pulled open the sketchbook, the pages of which were filled with inky drawings of her. Azriel knows he had failed to capture the true beauty that is Y/N. He had never drawn before and numerous pages from the book had been torn out in his frustration at his lack of skills. But he had filled the book, page after page being covered in the hours he had spent by himself in the Night Court. The need to print her pretty face in permanent ink and capture her glowing smile before he forgot it led to Azriel picking up this new hobby. The one way to ensure that even if he never saw Y/N again, he would always carry a piece of her with him.

As she took the time to turn through each work or art Azriel had created in her honor, the trails of tears that freely flowed down her rosy cheeks and her rapidly beating heart which Azriel felt entwined with his own, gave the male the confidence to continue.

“I love you” he stated, Y/N’s affectionate gaze moving from the drawings to his deadly serious face. “I have done for a while I think” he continues, “and Y/N if you forgive me I will love you with every ounce of my being until we’re nothing but dust in the stars.”

Now sure that he had her attention and Y/N wouldn’t run away or ignore him for his disappearing act, Azriel felt free to tell her what he should have done when they were in the solitude of the garden all those weeks ago, “You are the reason my heart beats and if I had to live the rest of my life not knowing if you feel the same way I do, if you share the same burning need for you that I have, then I will surely perish because that is not a life that I want to live.”

He slowly stepped towards her, raising his hand to brush the diamond-like tears from her soft cheeks, “You are my salvation and my undoing and I will love you for as long as the mother allows. And if you’ll have me, even after all that happened, I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that I take you to explore every inch of Prythian. That we’ll see the world together and leave no place untouched.”

Allowing the notebook to slip through her fingers and drop onto the floor, Y/N grips Azriel by the front of his tunic, the tunic she had so lovingly made him, and pulled him in to a firey kiss, uncaring of the nosy villagers who were still gathered around them.

Unwilling to waste a single moment with Y/N that he was given, Azriel’s arms flew around the woman, pulling her roughly towards his chest and encasing her in his arms as their lips melted together. His lips which moved desperately against hers, wanting to express just how much she means to him and how harrowing the past few weeks without her had been. Y/N seemed to be on the same wavelength as the kiss she delivered him was filled with the same burning passion and uncontrollable need as his.

Finally, not wanting to get too carried away in front of the crowd of people who were now awkwardly staring at the pair, their lips broke apart, though Azriel refused to let go of Y/N’s waist, not wanting her to take another step further from him.

She smiled, lifting her hand so it brushed over the shoulder of his tunic, “it fits” she beams, pleased to see the shadowsinger wearing her clothes. “It’s perfect” he whispered whilst leaning his forehead against hers, “I think I’m going to need a whole wardrobe full of them. All with dresses to match for you of course. Pink, purple, blue, I want them all.”

“That’s a lot of work” she giggled, hands still running over her creation which fit snug against his broad form.

“If you give me another chance we’ll have all the time in the world” he said earnestly, pulling his head away from hers far enough that they could lock their eyes with each other, “I know I don’t deserve it after what I did to you but please allow me to have a do over. A proper date this time now that I’m not afraid to call it what it is.”

“No running away?” She asked, a brief glimpse of sadness in her eyes as the memory of his absence was still fresh in her mind.

“Not even the mother herself could drag me away from you now” he promised, lips brushing against his mates once more.

Part 10

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes: I screamed the entire time I was writing this. She knows he loves her but she’s yet to find out about the bond…hmmm wonder how that will go.

Only one more chapter and then the epilogue and it’s over but I really don’t want it to be 😭😭😭

Taglist:

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[yourejinx]

Wasted Times

CASSIAN X F.READER

Warnings: SMUT, little plot. A bit of angst. Minors do not interact.

A/N: a little something, not proof read. I'll be editing tomorrow. Comments are welcomed 👏🏻

You used to think he found you pretty, always sticking next to you or seeking your company, you're fairly sure he even flirted with you sometimes. In his own not-ever-gonna-out- right-tell-you-what-I- mean–way, but you could tell there was something there. That's until the middle Archeron sister came into picture, with her beautiful doe brown eyes and soft silky-looking skin, her pink lips and long curls. Elain was a vision. Azriel was completely mesmerized with her, and it stung like hell to sit and watch as he leaned into her ear to whisper the mother knows what, his fingers delicatedly brushing her bare shoulder. 

You sighed and drowned the dark liquor of your glass in one gulp. You were so tired of this shit, wouldn't have made it through half the dinner without Mor and Cass there. 

"Everything alright sweetheart?" Cass asked loud enough just for you to hear. 

"Yeah, I'm just bored." You smiled dismissively, hopefully convincing enough to ease the worried look he was giving you. 

"We should go to Rita's" Mor chipped in, just in time to save you from interrogation. 

"Yes! The three of us hadn't been out alone in ages." You agreed quickly, really needing any excuse to get the fuck out of the house. 

Cass chuckled. "Yeah, last time I don't really remember how we ended up at Helion's door. Rhys had to go get us." 

You laughed, a real sound this time and Cassian's eyes sparkled in amusement. He was always there for you, through thick and thin, ever since you met him. It was instant, the connection between the two of you, he knew you better than you knew yourself. Your best friend, your personal ray of sunshine. You had a feeling he suspected of your...affections towards his brother but you always managed to play it out small, just a friendly teasing. He wasn't a fool though, but kept quiet about it. 

"What do you say Cass, are you up to some fun?" You asked, a smirk tugging at your lips. 

"I'm always ready for a night with you sweetheart." He winked and leaned back in his chair. 

You weren't entirely sure if it was the wine you had been indulging in all night, or the fact that it's been a while since someone flirted with you but your cheeks turned a light dusty pink at his words. Body feeling a little tingly. It wasn't uncommon for Cassian to flirt with you, he was built like that. He pretty much flirted with everyone. But something felt different tonight, maybe the fact that you were feeling a little unsure about yourself as of late, given that a certain shadowsinger had started to pay attention to more... beautiful, delicate things. So you didn't question how the General's words had affected you. You let yourself enjoy it, make you feel good. Cassian always made you feel good.

You rolled your eyes at him and gave him a playful smile, taking a sip of your glass. 

Mor almost squealed in excitement. With Rhys and Feyre navigating their new parenthood, Amren and Varian barely leaving her apartment, and Azriel annoyingly pinning after Elain, there wasn't really much fun going on for your blonde friend. You had been over working a lot to be honest, anything to keep away from the house and the irritation that came lately when crossing paths with the shadowsinger, but you were tired and you missed your friends. So you finally decided to come home and a night out with your two best friends sounded esplendid. 

"Alright then, let's go" you stood up, pulling Cassian with you, Mor on your heels. You waved your friends goodnight from over your shoulder. Not lingering to see hazel eyes trailing after you. 

--------------------------------------------------------

"Is it me or is tonight more packed than usual?" You shouted over to Mor, making your way through the crowd of sweating bodies to the bar across from the dance floor. 

Mor chuckled, pulling out a seat for you and signaling for the barman to come over. "It's Friday, of course it’s packed. How long is it since you last went out?" 

"Two months, I guess? Since I took the job on the border" you shrugged. 

"So, almost three months," Cassian added. Mor sent him a smirk. 

"But who's counting, right?" She joked, Cass just rolled his eyes at her and ordered our drinks. 

"Aww, did you miss me Cassie?" You prodded playfully at his shoulder. A smirk stretching across your red tinted lips. 

"Of course I did, smartass, I didn't know the House could be so silent without your incessant morning rants!" He smiled. You smacked him in the arm. "Ouch! That hurt" 

"I didn't even hit you that hard, you're just being a big Illyrian baby." You rolled your eyes, taking a sip ro your drink. 

"You love me anyways," he threw an arm around your shoulder. "but for real sweetheart, don't take any more long ass missions for a while." 

A warm, real smile made its way to your lips. "Don't worry Cass, I don't intend to." 

"Good. Cause Azriel's been a real pain in the ass, I can't stand him anymore on my own." He chuckled. 

Your smile weavered a little at the mention of the shadowsinger. "Ugh, don't even start. But let's not talk about him, yeah? I wanna dance." 

Cassian opened his mouth but before he could answer, you were already tugging Mor towards the dance floor. 

The night passed by between drinks and laughter and dancing, you were currently sandwiched between Mor and Cassian, swaying your hips to the dark tune of the rhythm, arms thrown around the shoulders of your blonde friend, back pressed against Cassian’s hard chest. It was hot and fun and you’ve never felt so free and careless, maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe the heat of the hands resting heavily on your hips was starting to mess up with your head. Either way, you felt bold and beautiful, a taunting smirk adorning your lips as you caught the eye of some male across the room. He gave you and Mor a run over, biting his lip as he made his way towards you. He was handsome, not quite as breathtaking as the males in your family, but he had some pretty attractive features. Sharp jaw and glinting dark eyes, and he looked confident enough that he had found his entertainment for the evening. You smiled playfully at Mor, angling your head to the male as if not to be so obvious, she looked over her shoulder, blonde curls like melted honey dripping over her back and flashed him a devilish smile. That’s when you knew you were out of the game. Mor was beautiful, ethereal. There was no comparing your darkness to her striking beauty, even the shadowsinger had favored her over you, some time ago. 

Why had your thoughts taken such a pitiful turn? You were having a good time right? you wouldn’t let your insecurities take root in your head once more, you were here to avoid them after all. Still, you faltered in your steps as the male gently tapped Mor’s bare shoulder. You couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, unconsciously leaning in on Cassian. Mor, completely oblivious to the downturn in your mood, gave you a playful wink and headed off with the male. 

“Nevermind him,” rang Cassian’s deep voice in your ear, “he doesn’t know what he’s missing.” He gave a little squeeze to your hip, breath fanning over your neck and causing goosebumps to erupt in your skin. 

“Doesn’t he now? He’s got his hands on the big prize tonight” you murmured. 

Cassian’s grip on your hip tightened, pulling you even closer to him, right hand splayed dangerously low on your abdomen. “He’s so beneath you, sweetheart.”  

You let out a sigh, finding comfort in the heat radiating off of his body. Cassian’s strong arms enveloping you almost possessively, hiding you away. “Cass,” you called him softly, half turning to face him, “dance with me?” 

He flashed you one of his signature smiles and leaned down to press a kiss to your shoulder, “For as long as you want.” 

You didn’t really want to think about why you felt so compelled to believe Cassian’s words, it was like everytime he reassured you, you got this warm feeling in your chest that spread throughout your body, all the way to the tip of your toes. You felt lighter, confident, pretty…even, in his presence. There was this sense of sincerity about him, and Cassian –your Cassian– would never lie to you. So you relaxed in his embrace and allowed yourself to get lost in the rhythm again, enjoying the way he seemed to understand your body better than anyone, smoothly following your movements. 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was around the sixth glass of fairy wine when Cassian decided that maybe you had had enough to drink, and maybe it was time to get some fresh air. He wasn’t entirely sure the suffocating heat was due to the way-too-packed dance floor or because you had been grinding down on him all night. If he had to be honest with himself, it was probably the latter. He couldn’t understand how did you dare think so low about yourself, in his eyes you were the most stunning female he had ever met, but tonight with that unfairly short, tight dress that hugged all the right places? You were absolutely ravishing. Full plump red lips so close to him, he had to refrain from kissing you until they were bruised and swollen. 

“You know what I really want?” you asked suddenly, pulling him out of the trance he had been for the last ten minutes. Your head was resting on his shoulder, eyes glazed and heavy looking up at him. He swallowed, you were definitely tipsy. You’d never look at him like that otherwise. 

“What do you really want?” He asked, shamelessly tracing the shape of your mouth. 

“A piece of chocolate cake,” you pouted. That pulled a laugh out of him, he wasn’t expecting it.  

“You’ve got chocolate cake at home,” he answered, still smiling at your frowning face. “I bought you some this morning, when I heard you were coming back.” 

You beamed at him, and Cassian’s heart made a flip in his chest. It was as if he had told you the secret of the universe itself. 

“Really?” you asked, smiling widely. He chuckled. “Can we go home now?” 

“Yeah, let's get you that chocolate cake sweetheart.” 

With one arm securely wrapped around your waist and the other hooked under your legs, Cassian lifted you up easily, as if you weighed the same as a feather to him. A small gasp escaped your mouth once he took to the skies, it never failed to amaze you how truly powerful he was. How disciplined and graceful, even. There was nothing brute about Cassian, despite some awful claimings from equally awful people. This sight of him, the wind in his hair, strong wings on full display, was nothing short of a masterpiece. 

As if sensing your ogling, Cassian looked down to meet your stare with a bashful smirk. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“You know Cass, you're my favorite person in the entire world.” you whispered, smiling up at him. 

His smirk widened. “Oh, you're so drunk.” 

You frowned, a little pout forming on your lips. “I'm not drunk. Just tipsy with no filter.” 

He chuckled. “I thought Az was your favorite.” 

Your frown deepened and Cassian swore your body had stiffened a little. “Why? We barely talk anymore.” You scoffed. 

Cassian gave you a sympathetic smile. “He's just been busy,” 

“Yeah, whatever.” 

And just like that your mood had gone back to the beginning of the night. Sour insecurities resurfacing in your head. It wasn't Cass’ fault though, he's been perfectly charming the entire night. It didn't sit right with you, this awkwardness surrounding you. “He didn't get me chocolate cake though, so you're still my fav.”  You tried lifting the mood with a tentative playful smile. He mirrored it, but still he caught your change in demeanor, having fallen silent the rest of the ride home. 

Even once inside the House of Wind, comfortably sitting on the counter top in the kitchen, eating a slice of cake, shoes discarded on the floor. You hadn't uttered another word, too lost in your thoughts. 

Cassian observed you intently, eyes downcast, hair a little windswept, full lips engulfing the last bit of cake. He swallowed. He didn't understand his brother, how could he resist when you so openly flirted with him? Had it been him on the receiving end of those heated stares shared during training, he would already have you pressed against the nearest wall, devouring your mouth until you couldn't breathe. There was no denying the beauty of the middle Archeron sister, but you? No one could compare to you. Long dark lashes, beautiful plump lips, the subtle sun-kissed glow of your skin… and those thighs. Those godsdamned thighs, you could choke him to death with them and he would die a happy male.

Yet, you didn't seem aware of the effect you had on males —and females as well— whenever you’d walk into the room. 

“What are you thinking about?” He asked, low enough not to startle you. 

“Am I not pretty enough?” You blurted out suddenly, as if you couldn't contain the thoughts inside your head anymore. Feeling embarrassed about how that came out, you averted your gaze away from him.

“Why would you think that?” Cassian asked softly, a small frown taking form in his face. When you didn't answer he moved to stand directly in front of you. “Sweetheart look at me, please,” his hand came to cup your chin, forcing your head up and causing your eyes to meet. 

“It's just..” you huffed, mouth forming a small pout. “I'm not exactly soft and delicate, my body is too strong and maybe I laugh too loud,” You bit your lip trying to stop the spiraling of your thoughts. “I’ve never been…courted, I've had sexual partners, sure, but none of them had wanted to stay. No one has approached me for a while and tonight I thought– but of course not, Mor was there and she's stunning like the sun! I don't know, maybe I'm not feminine enough, that's all I'm saying.” You shrugged, trying to downplay it. 

“That couldn't be farther from the truth. You truly have no idea what you do to every male in Prythian that sets their eyes on you.” He declared, looking so intensely at you that you couldn’t look away. The hand that was cupping your chin had moved down to rest on your waist and you sucked in a breath at the sudden rush of heat that act alone had caused to spread all over your skin. “You have no idea what you do to me.” Cassian’s voice had dropped to a low deep purr that had you feeling dizzy. “Breathtaking is not a strong enough word to describe your beauty. You don't think you're soft and feminine?” His free hand dared to trace a path from your hips up to your ribs, stopping just below your breasts. “I can point out a few soft and feminine spots if you wish.” 

His eyes had taken a darker tone and you swallowed dry, feeling all tingly where his hands were currently resting on your body. Cassian was beautiful,  perfect. You had always known that, but you would have never thought this male to have an attraction towards you. It was simply impossible, you've been best friends for as long as you remember, he had seen the ugly in you, the dark, awful sides of you. And in contrast, you've seen him take gorgeous lovers along the years.  So you never gave it much thought, contempt to have him as your partner in crime, your own personal sun. But there was no denying the way he was watching you now, such hunger in his darkened gaze; there was no denying the way your mind and body were reacting to him either. 

You didn't know when you had leaned in closer, or had that been him? Your hands were resting on his chest in a poor attempt to keep some composure but you knew he could smell the sweet vague scent of arousal coming off of you. Your face heated up, a faint blush all the way to the point of your ears. 

When you didn’t say anything he added: “D’you wanna know why no one dares to approach you?” His breath fanned over your face. “That’s on me, sweetheart. I can’t help it, whenever I’m around you and some poor excuse of a male even thinks he might be worthy to touch you, my blood boils in my veins and I become violence incarnate. I know that. No one would be stupid enough to defy me.” 

“But– but why?” you choked out. Too stunned to act cool. 

He chuckled, a dark, dangerous sound. “Why? Because I want you. Because I dream about you. Because I need you.” 

You tilted your head slightly upwards to stare at him, mouths mere inches away. There was such raw devotion in his eyes, it unleashed something primal from within you. It burned and ached more and more by the second, desperately wanting to be free. Oh, you wanted him. All of him. 

“Then have me. Show me all the soft spots you like,” you whispered. 

Cassian growled low, “I'm gonna show you just how beautiful you are.” And then he crashed your lips together in a hungry kiss. He kissed you deep and rough, hands tightly holding your hips and bringing you closer to the edge of the countertop. 

Your own hands came to rest at the nape of his neck, fingers twisting and tugging at the strands there. You bit down on his lower lip, immediately dragging your tongue over it; groaning softly, he grabbed handfuls of your ass, kneading the flesh there. Arousal shot through your body, all the way to your core, thighs clenching together. You were almost certain your panties were drenched. 

“This I like,” he managed between kisses, landing a spank to your left cheek. You gasped and he took the opportunity to explore more of your skin, kissing and nibbling that sensitive spot on your neck. He went lower, licking at your collarbones and you arched your back to give him more access. 

Rough, calloused hands slid the thin straps of your dress down your shoulders, exposing your breasts to him. Cassian wasted no time attaching his mouth to your right breast, swirling his tongue and biting softly at the perked nub. Expert fingers twisting at the other before switching between them. You moaned loudly for him, hips jerking, searching for friction. 

“These I like,” he said, releasing your niple with a sinful ‘pop’. Then his eyes darted down to your legs, forcing them open with his hips. Your dress had ridden up your hips, lace panties on full display for him. The fabric was soaked and Cassian growled at the sight. All for him. He fell to his knees before you, teeth grazing the sensitive flesh of  your inner thighs “but these,” he murmured in between love bites. “I love these,” The General moaned before ripping your panties off and letting his tongue drag a long strip up your folds. 

“Oh Gods” you couldn't help but moan out loud, fingers finding their way into Cassian's hair and pushing his head further in between your legs. Hips desperately chasing after that sinful, skilled mouth of his. 

He chuckled darkly and the reverberations caused pleasure to shoot up your spine, eyes fluttering shut. You were almost sure you could touch the sky with your hands when he sucked harshly at your clit, and all thoughts emptied from your mind. It was just you, and Cassian, and the mindnumbing pleasure coursing through your veins as he fucked you with his tongue. It was all too much, too hot, too messy. His mouth felt so warm on you, fuck, drinking up your juices like he might die of thirst. You couldn't get enough of him, how did you get so long without succumbing to his charms? 

Cassian groaned as yet another wave of arousal came gushing out of you, licking it all up, not a single drop to waste. Your taste was divine, he thought he may be high on it, head empty except for the carnal need to make you come undone on his mouth, and then fuck you into oblivion. He was so painfully hard, he could’ve just cum right there at the sight of you above him, looking all fucked up and he had yet to take off his pants. He could feel how close you were as your whimpering grew louder, head threw back in pleasure, too lost to notice the lone shadow that had made its way towards you. Cassian growled in warning, wings flaring proud in a display of dominance as he heard the light footsteps approaching. “Mine.” He seemed to growl on your skin, and you felt yourself tripping over the edge when you locked eyes with the intruder. A plea of The General’s name on your lips. 

“Cass please, I'm gonna–” your release barreled through you with blinding force. Cassian rode you through your high, never faltering until you came down. 

When you opened your eyes the intruder was gone. It was only you and Cassian in the room, he was smiling brightly at you, your heart gave a flip at the sight. He was still on his knees, lips shiny with the remnants of your orgsm, eyes still full of lust. He was so beautiful. You couldn't resist but to urge him up and kiss him breathless. 

“I take it, you liked it” He murmured amusedly, hands still roaming over your body. 

“Very much so, yes.” You smiled, leaning in for another kiss. He pressed himself against you, hard and ready, making you moan again. 

A sudden new wave of lust (and a tinge of longing) invaded your senses, followed by a tentative tug. You gasped into his mouth, breaking the kiss to look up at him. 

“You're…” you mused in awe, not able to form a coherent thought. His smile only grew wider and he dragged his mouth leisurely down your neck, biting softly. 

“I'm not half done with you yet, love.” 

[tadpolesonalgae]

Can’t Bring Myself To Hate You - Part 9

Pairing: Azriel x third-oldest-Archeron-sister!reader

A/N: Giving something new a try here, absolutely terrifying

Warnings: different povs, (Smidge of angst…I think…?)

Word Count: 5,707

-Part 8- -Part 10-

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Silver eyes cut to cocoa. “Why not?”

Elain sighs, attention flicking away to the bookcases lining the walls of their home. Nesta had been the main designer, though bits and pieces are still missing—like the fireplace that will be put into the living room while they’re away, specially designed to contain the crackle and pop of logs as they burst upon the fire. Sure, she could have chosen to have a spell wrap it all up, but she enjoys having time away from magic. That small thread leading back to her old life.

“So many reasons,” she answers quietly, scanning the titles. Fatigue laces her shoulders, hands tucking into her lap, playing with the lilac fabric. “She’s just not… She’s not interested, Nesta.” The sharp eyed female sits in silence, staring blankly into the middle distance. Nails press into the arms of the cushioned chair, spine straightening. “She needs help. You heard her argument with Feyre— Has she at least spoken to you about it?”

Elain sighs again, shaking her head, leaning back into the seat. “No. And I’m not asking.”

Nesta studies Elain from across the room, the light half-circles beneath her eyes. She knows how Eris has been visiting the trio in the lower lands—how it strains on her mate, passing onto her. Part of her doesn’t want to push Elain further, noting the distance in her normally bright eyes, but she remembers her own silence. The pressure building in her head, on the cusp of shattering. What a mess she’d been.

“You’re the only one she talks to, Elain,” she says, hands lowering to her lap. “You saw how she shut us out over dinner. If anyone can revive her, it’s going to be you.”

“I know,” she snaps abruptly, eyes cracking open. Shifts in her seat, sitting upright, brining her feet up onto the cushions, tucking up neatly. Exhales heavily. “I know,” she repeats, softer this time, “but I’ve been trying, and she just doesn’t want to do anything. Pushing her won’t work, she’ll just retreat further.”

The two sit in silence, sun streaming in through the large windows, pooling in a golden square of heat upon the carpet. Outside, the roses sway in the breeze, climbing up the sides of the paprika-red bricks.

“And what about Bas?” Nesta asks, quietly.

“What about him?” She answers, still peering up at the bookcase. How many have already been read? “She’s close with him,” Nesta says, “maybe she’s said something to him.”

“How would you have felt if Amren spoke to us?” She asks pointedly, but quietly. “I’ve wanted to ask—either of them—but that’s not the right way to do this. She already keeps her distance from you. Trying to find an in through Bas would just push her further,” Elain argues. “Plus it’s an invasion of privacy,” she murmurs, an afterthought.

“Then what do you suggest,” Nesta asks, silver eyes piercing. “That we just let things continue? She already practically estranged from us.”

“She needs time,” Elain says quietly. “Just give her space. That’s all she wants at the moment.”

“That’s all we’ve been doing, and it’s not working. She hardly even comes to dinners anymore. The last time I saw her was over a months ago—a month,” Nesta mutters softly. Brows pull together, conflict marring her sharp features. “Az says she barely leaves her room up in the House.”

“But that’s where she wants to be, Nesta.”

The silver eyed female shakes her head. “I wanted to be left alone too,” she murmurs, hands tightening. “Maybe she likes being alone up there, but it’s not good. And don’t say she can manage on her own—I know you heard her argument with Feyre.” Nesta shifts in her seat, eyes lowering to the pool of sunshine on the carpet, splitting them apart. “That’s not dealing with anything. She’s just pushing it away.”

“You don’t know that for certain,” Elain says quietly, not meeting her eyes.

“I know what I heard, and I know how I felt. It’s the same thing, she’s just quieter,” Nesta responds. “She always has been.” Elain shifts again, eyes joining Nesta’s in peering at the dazzling pool of sunlight—reflecting off the carpet, illuminating the room with a warm-orange glow.

“You’re suggesting forcing her into a place of discomfort,” Elain says at last. Inhales deeply, then blows it out, raising her fingers to her brow, rubbing lightly. “I needed time and space, too,” she says, almost a whisper. “I needed to be on my own. To have my independence returned. I needed the quiet to recover from the Cauldron.” Hands drag over her face, cool tips of her digits cover her eyes, soothing the ache at the back of her mind—not enough sleep.

Shifts again, straightening, hands returning to her lap. “While you needed someone to reach out.”

“We’ve given her time, and space,” Nesta argues. “Most of the time she has the whole House to herself. None of us bother her up there; she can come and go as she wants. And nothing’s changing.” Elain remains quiet, peering distantly at the carpet, the colour of fox’s fur. Drags her attention away. “If she won’t change, something else needs to,” Nesta says, voice softening again. “It’s not right,” she breathes, “we’re sisters. We grew up together, slept in the same bed, went through the same sufferings. We shouldn’t fall apart now.” Her voice is heavy, tired and worried. Not how she wants to be the day of her departure.

“Why not now?” Elain asks quietly. Silver raises to cocoa, brow raised in question. “I think now makes sense,” she says softly. “There’s no longer a reason for us to stay together.”

“What are you talking about? We’re family, that’s reason enough,” Nesta mutters. Elain shakes her head. “Think about it,” she insists. “Growing up there was nowhere else to go. There was no choice—we’d do what had to be done to live. You were going to marry Tomas, I would marry Graysen, and Feyre would continue looking after father,” she says heavily. “Then Feyre was taken, and eventually so were we. Then came the Cauldron. Then the war hit. Then Briallyn messed things up.”

Elain sighs heavily, closing her eyes for a moment. “We were finally in a spot of peace, and now there’s” —she gestures to Nesta in her state of departure— “this to deal with.” The silver eyed female stiffens, hands shifting in her lap. “For her, there’s no reason to stick together anymore. It’s over, it’s behind us. We don’t need to keep it together.” She swallows, eyes locking with her sister’s, “she’s free to let go.”

Nesta shakes her head, gaze moving to the window. Cassian will be pestering her to get a move on soon—they were supposed to leave an hour ago, but she wanted to wait. “So you don’t want to speak with her, Bas is out of the question, and getting her away from the House is wrong,” she states flatly. “What about Az?”

Elain stiffens for a moment, inhales, then relaxes.

“That’s the worst idea yet,” she sighs, smiling despite herself. “She’s out with Mor today anyway. Let’s just see how that goes.” Nesta turns away, sharp eyes flitting to the clock atop the mantel piece. “Fine. But things need to change.”

————

She’s been leaving her room less and less, coiling tighter and tighter in recent days.

He’s certain that’s entirely to do with the agreement they had come to almost a week ago.

The scent of gardenias flourishes in her wake, touched to the handles of mugs and the hilts of cutlery. She’s even taken to wearing gloves when she deigns to seek food, scurrying through the hallways on what she must think are quiet feet. It seems even the House is reluctant to encourage her reclusive behaviour. Quiet pitter-pats softly padding down hallways, cotton socks tip-toeing along floorboards, fabric fluttering as she whispers between walls.

He’s begun noticing unusual crooks in cutlery—subtly misshapen around the necks of the metal. Often accompanied by a dull warmth, like soft skin fresh from the sun, steadily cooling in dappled shade. Plates are usually clean: washed, dried and returned to the cupboards after use. Very few things are ever out of place once she’s made her bi-daily trips to the kitchen, as if limiting her marks on the space. Keeping her distance, even in the background.

Her sleeping pattern is sufficient for the most part, only occasionally is there no light coming from beneath her door by the time midday strikes. With the days becoming shorter, candlelight frequently flickers in the hallway once night has descended, generally winking out before midnight, though that’s also subject to change.

Why does he always get tasked with chaperoning?

Azriel nods his silent thanks to the House, a hot meal delivered to his desk, pointedly placed atop the book he’s been meaning to read. A habit that had initially been formed three centuries ago—close enough, anyway. Sleep is a rare delight, a luxury he’s rightly denied, often allowing him time to complete more reports, file new orders, map out future movements.

The book had been purchased with these long nights in mind, intended to help relieve the immense stress of managing his work, now manifesting as strain across his wings and back, often finding the trapezius aching, on the verge of cramping up. Supposedly, he would find himself restless, then turn to the novel for comfort, yet it would do nothing to assuage the guilt of not working. He needs to work to protect. He doesn’t need rest as long as he eats well and keeps up with training, pushing himself to the limit in every aspect of his life.

However, despite the self-indulgent purchase, completing these tasks; writing up reports sets him at ease. So long as everything is kept in order and regularly maintained, the fewer cold nights he’ll put himself through. He works to prevent events from tipping into unstoppable motion, to prevent opposing players being caught, finding themselves at the wrong end of his blade.

Those nights are bottomless. Spirals that have no pit, that he doesn’t always manage to escape in time.

There’s one kept away from the light now, slowly dying in the darkness he was born from. A sickness creeping into bones, softening minds to outer incisions. Plying apart willpower with contemptible cruelty.

Stares across at the pile of reports, paper bowing beneath the accumulating weight. Reaches for the first one, pen in hand, poised to take note of any changes mentioned. Steadily working his way through the pile, day draining to dusk, draining to night. Shadows swish and swirl, aimlessly flickering, freely crawling and creeping across the floor in search of things to report on. Catch the faint thumps of soft feet upon floorboards, pouncing on the sound.

Skitter beneath the doorframe, lurking at the threshold as the female figure approaches on pointed toes, tip-tapping over wooden boards, gliding past. Darkness observes dutifully, grabbing at details: lidded eyes, stray hairs loose, rectangular bags hanging regretfully from her forearms—handles biting into soft flesh. Watch as she passes, skirts swishing against brown paper with each step. Not fully present.

She passes by, keeping to the other side of the hall, giving the door an unnecessarily wide berth. Shadowed gaze strains ahead, tilted down to place her steps correctly, heading for her own chambers. Continues along, darkness stalking her steps, making sure she passes before moving to return to their keeper. Observe as she comes to a stop before a chest of drawers, bathed in moonlight. Atop is a large mirror, the frame intricately detailed. The surface is littered with little things: blown-out candles, burnt down incense, stray jewellery, a few lone arrowheads—probably misplaced.

Eyes wonder between the bits and bobs, attention not fully there, forearms marginally lower with the weight of result of her gifts. He keeps them from sneaking inside, discovering the contents. Notes as her gaze lingers on the candles, picking out their reflection in her eyes, moonlight contained within clear glass. Flick up to the mirror, shoulders sloping with fatigue, lips pursing.

Nib scratches across paper as he copies a sentence down, setting the parchment to the side, shadows already having slid the next one to his desk. Still-full plate pushed closer to the centre of his desk, encouraging him to eat. Seven more, he thinks, eyeing the steep stack of reports. Seven more, then I can eat.

Arms shift, evening out the weight of the bags. Relieving pressure from indented flesh as her eyes dart away at last, finished analysing. Skate over the metalwork of the frame, flora sculpted to each corner, in bloom. Rise higher, tracing the pristine blade mounted atop the mirror. Looking how her younger sister does at scenes she likes, the urge to put them onto a canvas itching at her fingertips.

Muscle snaps tight, a flinch zapping against her skin as feet stutter in their stillness. A faint green light sparks from beneath the gloves, teeth sharply clamping together, like the clink of porcelain.

Silence settles, limbs held taut as moments pass. Counting down, plummeting. Arm shifts slightly, then handles snap, the edges of the paper singed. Heart kicks up, lips parting in a choked inhale, lids widening marginally. Bags hit the floor, thudding dully as she winces, cottoned foot stuck out to muffle the sound, teeth clasping her lower lip.

Breathing quickens, shallowing as she hastily fans off her hands, as if cooling the skin before dipping down. Carefully scoops the bags back up into her arms, shoes pulled to her chest as she scuttles away to her own room, not sparing a look back. The smell of sweetened gardenias wafts in her wake, mixing with something smokey—like singed paper.

Pen pauses its movement, nostrils flaring delicately, throat rolling.

Shadows recede from the hallway, coast now clear.

Seconds tick by, before ink is scratched into parchment, resuming his task. A few more, he promises. A few more, then I can eat.

But minutes later, a few having passed, and the next report lies upon his desk, hazel eyes scanning the concise letters. Food untouched.

————

Midday hits, and you’re fidgeting outside the door, hand raised for the handle.

It turns before you get a chance to twist it, harshly stepping back, making room as it swings open.

Silky, golden hair gleams beneath the sunshine, a dazzling smile already in place as warm eyes latch to your own. Something stabs across your chest, and you have to ease a deep breath into your lungs, feigning surprise. “Gosh,” you murmur, a little breathlessly, “you startled me.”

Soft, pillowy lips widen in an even brighter smile, cheeks rounding with laughter as apologies ring from her mouth. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here already,” she smiles, opening the door wider as she steps out. “Hardly anyone in this family is ready on time,” she mutters playfully, as if exchanging a secret. You flush at the murmured tone, the look of playfulness, as if part of an inside joke shared between the two of you. Lips part in a helpless smile, a little shaky around the edges as nervousness burns your throat.

The door clicks shut, and she’s briskly walking down the steps, arm already linked below your own. The pale yellow dress floats about her ankles, heels the colour of golden straw lacing up her feet, the tea-coloured shawl prettily wrapped over deceptively slim arms. She waltzes over the cobbles as if it’s flat ground, the points of her shoes moving as she wills, dodging the dips and cracks as she pulls your with her.

“Is there anywhere you want you visit first?” She asks, steering you down the street, taking a right at the bottom of the front lawn, the sidra peeking between earth-toned buildings. Swallow thickly, finding your voice. “Not really…” you answer—you should have planned this in advance. Why hadn’t that crossed your mind? Clear your throat as you walk together, side by side. “We’re doing this together, right?” You manage, feeling as though your feet are slamming into the cobbles, stumbling over your shoes.

Honey-warm eyes flit to you, sparking with life. “What do you mean by that?” Avert your gaze from her gleaming features, the smooth skin and the perfectly plump lips. “It’s not just… You’re going to be getting things too, right?”

Her smile doesn’t falter for a second. “If that’s what you want, then I’m sure I can find something to spend money on,” she laughs, squeezing your arm lightly in a surprisingly familiar gesture. You manage a tight smile, one you hope looks regular. You’d settle for believable. She laughs again, attention returning to swiftly scanning shop windows, flitting about each front, effortlessly making her way through the street. “We’ll tell Amren it took more convincing than that, won’t we?” She says, again in that intimately secret tone you’re having trouble understanding.

“Amren?” You ask, confused. There was no mention of Amren joining this trip over the dinner. Stomach plumes with anxiety. Would it be too obvious to feign a stomach ache? Mor doesn’t seem the least bit perturbed by your bewilderment. “We had a bet, of sorts. She bet that I’d end up coming home with at least three bags of clothing,” she elaborates. “Shouldn’t be too difficult, right?” Manage a stiff nod, scrambling to keep up with the conversation, thrown off by the brightness of the sky, how crisp the wind is, how noisy background chatter can be.

“Right,” you say in response.

“Wrong,” Mor corrects, making your skin flush with embarrassment. “I have never once managed. Any less than five and something’s gone wrong.” She smiles at you, then her attention flicks over your head. “What about that one?” She asks, nodding to a store. Turn to peer at the shop fronts—none of them containing books. Throat rolls, scanning again. “Which…one?”

Mor only laughs, already dragging you toward an open door. “Come on, it’ll be fun, I promise,” she smiles. “Besides, you said you wanted me to do some shopping too, right?” Reluctantly nod your head, because yes, you had said that.

Ease a heavy breath, stepping into the large store, filled with clothing, the aisles thankfully wide enough to accommodate multiple bodies without becoming packed.

Beginning the long day.

————

“What about this?” Mor asks pulling out pale yellow dress, a few shades darker than her own. Clear your throat, nodding, “looks nice.” Her eyes sparkle, pushing it onto your hands, “go try it on then!” You blink, peering down at the dress that’s been pushed into your gloved hands. Quickly shake your head, trying to push it back to her. “I thought you meant for yourself,” you hastily clarify.

Rosey lips lift into a charming smile, “I’ve got way too many in yellow and gold. Besides, you said it looks nice, right?”

“Well, yes…”

“Then try it on!” She encourages, nodding toward the changing rooms. But you shake your head, “it’s autumn already, I wouldn’t be able to wear something like this until next summer.”

“Perfect! We can look for a jumper— or cardigan,” she corrects, noting the cozy wooden piece you’ve wrapped yourself in. Already her eyes are scanning the racks for something complimentary.

Shake your head, “really, it’s fine. I have enough.”

Her hands still from sorting through the hangers, fingers pausing, before settling on the wooden pole. “You know you can get things that you want now, right?” She asks gently, gaze resting on the rack. Lick your lips as apprehension builds in your shoulders. “I know I can,” you reply slowly, “I just— I don’t— want anything.” She looks at you then, and you swear you catch something flicking through her gaze, but it’s gone too quickly for you to be sure.

A beat of silence passes, tension coiling your stomach, muscles contracting.

“Okay,” she says at last, softer than before. “It’s not for everyone, I suppose.” Warm-honey eyes flick down to the dress still clutched in your hands, “would you at least try it on? To see what it feels like?” Your lips purse, hesitant to do something so deeply indulgent, but… She’s compromising here. You should respect that. Throat rolls, nodding, “okay.”

The edges of her mouth soften into something that’s not quite a smile, but it’s reassuring. “You’ll look great,” she says, “I’m sure of it.”

————

A few hours have passed, food eaten, Mor trying on clothes here and there. At least ten different items from each shop, and you’re relieved. Relaxed enough that she’s managed to coax you into trying on a few other things here and there. Nothing that would even compare to some of the clothes you’ve seen the others in, but it’s a start. Nothing you would have cared even think about a few years ago. It still makes you a little sick to think of the steep gap in wealth.

What would have happened if Feyre hadn’t killed that wolf?

You’d probably still be there now, dreading the onset of icy winter, the early morning bite of cold that would seep beneath the thin blanket. The dirt and grime beneath nails, skin tacky with dried sweat, hair smelly and matted.

Swallow thickly, moving your gaze around the large shop—another clothing store. Locate Mor in the far corner, having wondered off of your own volition to peer at a pair of earrings, deep blue set in silver. Thumb the empty slots on your ear absently—it would be nice to have some jewellery. Something thin and elegant, not too chunky, but subtle and dainty. Run the pads of your fingers over the cool glass of the pendant at your neck, feeling the reassuring weight.

“See something you like?”

You nearly choke on your tongue, releasing a surprised sound as you snap your attention to the side, Mor having snuck up on silent feet to peer over your shoulder. Inhale deeply, pressing a hand over your chest, feeling the rapid flutter of your heart as you attempt to even out your breaths. Manage to shake you head, “just looking.” Her eyes catch on something, pointing through the glass case, “what about that?” Turn to see what she’s talking about. “The rings?” You ask.

Goodness, rings would be lovely. You’ve see the ones Feyre sometimes wears—silver with slices of gem encrusted along the surface. The ones Rhys sometimes wears—flat, thick bands of sterling, a single one carved into a feather, wrapped around his fifth finger. Then the ones Mor wears, shifting between different metals depending on her mood—todays she’s feeling golden.

“Look at that one,” she gushes, pointing at the band containing a small ruby, polished to perfection. A smile creeps onto your lips of its own accord. “That’s very you,” you say, a hint of a laugh surprising both of you. She nudges you playfully, “I’m more than just red and gold, you know.” Lips part in a more open smile, corners quirking as you hum back, “of course, my mistake. Too few jewels for your taste.”

Mor blinks for a moment, a beat passing, then a ringing laugh spills from her rosey lips, eyes closing for a second to conceal her surprise. Palm coming over her mouth in attempts to muffle the joyous sound. Dip your head in slight embarrassment, a shy smile playing on your mouth as she tries to recompose herself.

“What were you looking at?” She asks once she’s pulled herself back together, golden hair silkily cascading over her shawl as she runs her fingers through the soft mass, sending it spilling in new directions. You shrug, hastily averting your eyes again, head dipping away. “Nothing in particular.”

Mor hums, laughter still bright on her features. Her hand suddenly clasps your forearm, making you tense. “What about that?” She asks, sounding somewhat breathless. Raise your gaze to follow her direction, spotting the dress that’s hung at the end of a pole. “It’s perfect for you,” she says, excited, already pulling you gently toward it. Reluctantly, you follow.

You can tell why she thinks you’ll like it. In terms of practicality, it seems to be excellent, the dress made of a creamy-cocoa coloured wool, looking like it would be soft against your skin. The neckline itself is a gentle v, the curve not too steep, an elegant suggestion instead of blatant showcasing. Both the sleeves and the skirt of the dress are modest, looking like you’d be able to tuck your hands beneath the wool should you become too cold, the hem of the dress nearing the floor.

For the first time that day, you allow Mor to push the dress into your gloved hands, allow her to convince you to try it on, even to convince you it looks nice over your shape. The wool is as soft as it looks, almost sending you to sleep from the warm brush, soothing as it contains your heat, like being swaddled in feather-soft cotton. It’s a little close-fitting around your ribs and stomach, pressing comfortably but not tight—a little too revealing, but it can be hidden by a cardigan or cloak. Spin in a small circle, watching as the skirts flare at your ankles, then falling back against your legs, cosy and soft.

“You look lovely,” Mor says from your side, and you turn to face her, a helpless smile lifting the edges of your mouth. This is something you wouldn’t mind having. It’s warm and practical, comfortable without compromising appearance. There are no intricate details, no sequins or jewels to make it particularly astonishing, just simple and plain. Absolutely perfect.

“Do you want it?” She asks quietly, having moved closer. Throat rolls, gloved fingers running over the wool—how lovely it would be to feel it properly. You do want it, but… “Let me get it,” she says, hand lightly clasping your wrist, turning you toward her. Eyes flick down at the warm wool, taking in its soothing comfort. The redirection is on your tongue, prepared to deny yourself further. “That’s what this whole trip is for,” she reminds, tone quiet. “You like it, don’t you?” She asks, and discomfort squirms beneath your skin—you can’t lie to her.

Her lips part into a wide smile, hands pressing together. “That’s great,” she reassures, “let me get it for you. As a belated present.” Eyes dip lower, pressing into the floorboard, brows tightening ever so slightly. This isn’t something you need…

You can’t quite bring yourself to look at her as your head dips. “Okay…”

You feel more than see the air shift, brightening as she eases a breath out, smile widening into sunshine. “Perfect!” She signs, “I was beginning to doubt we’d find anything.” You manage a tight smile, still unable to go fully look at her, but—it’s going to be yours. How long has it been since you’d been in a situation where you were allowed to pick something you liked, instead of a hand-me-down?

Naturally almost an entire new wardrobe had been offered upon your initial transportation here, but those were plain in a different way. The idea of having a cupboard full of clothes explicitly for yourself seems wildly indulgent, bordering on selfish. What could one person possibly need so many clothes for? Yet the way the wool sits soft against your skin has you beginning to understand the want, why it’s so important to some people. Throat rolls, touching gloved hands to your waist, feeling the wrap of warmth around your skin. “Thank you.”

A weight settles in your chest, but you can’t quite bring yourself to regret the purchase.

————

After being taken from shop to shop, you’d finally reached one of the many bookstores in Velaris—the point your discipline had taken a heavy hit.

Peer down at the brown paper bag on your arm, one of three. The first containing the dress, the second containing a comfy pair of slippers Mor had managed to convince you to allow her to buy—there had been an ochre yellow jumper too, that you’d had to beg her not to buy because you’d caught sight of the price tag. And this third bag, containing two new books. You’d taken your time deciding on them—books don’t last you very long, generally being finished anywhere between a few hours and a week depending on your interest.

Darkness has fallen thanks to the days becoming shorter, a wave of fatigue washing through your mind as you glance out through the windows, peering down at Velaris, lit by dotted faelights—appearing as little, bright stars spotted amongst inky blackness.

Shoes are held in your arm, not wanting to tread dirt into the floors, the three bags weighing on your forearm as you behind quietly making your way to your room. You don’t know who else is about, and while the days hadn’t been as straining as you had anticipated, any more interaction threatens to send you spiralling.

Cotton socks tread lightly as you make your way through the halls, trying to keep from kneeing any of the bags in case it disturbs someone.

The corridors seems darker than usual, something ineffable about his presence affecting the surrounding area as you raise to the points of your toes, keeping volume to a minimum. Heart picks up as you keep to the left of the hallway, creeping at the edges like an unwanted creature, keeping to the darkness in fear of being caught and squashed. Keep your gaze on the floor as you try to move past as quietly as possible, peering along to the end of the corridor, a single wide window illuminating the floor. Moonlight spills through it, pooling on the wooden boards, reflecting onto the short set of drawers pushed against the wall.

You pass by his door as quietly as possible, hardly breathing until you reach the piece of furniture. Peer at the small trinkets scattered across its top, momentarily distracted. Some stray jewellery glints against the wood, little tea lights and incense sticks, a few arrowheads that have been discarded. It’s unnervingly simple to find various little weapons lying around, short daggers accidentally thrown in with cutlery, or things like arrowheads that have seemingly been forgotten this far into the House.

Eyes inadvertently lift to the large mirror, locking with your reflection. Something shifts just out of your vision, but you remain latched on. Stare at your hair, the set of your mouth in relation to your eyes, the corners aligning with your pupils. Look lower, shifting over collar bones and tense— You relax your shoulders, untighten your jaw, releasing the lines of tension that have been carved into your body.

Stare at your mouth again, tempted to raise the pads of your fingers to skate across the skin—test to see if they’re as pillowy as Mor’s appeared. Throat rolls, pressing down on the urge. Why bother comparing yourself like that.

Gaze breaks from the mirror, shoulders sloping further. The day was fun. Fun.

She’s enjoyable to be around. Almost enough for you to want another day. She knows how to speak to people, how to set them at ease. Brows tighten as you recall her smile, dazzling like sunshine, practically spelling you into response. Once again peer at the downward tilt of your mouth. Who would want to kiss such a sad looking mouth?

Look away before your thoughts go any further.

Lift up, settling on the mounted blade. Moonlight grins along its edge, hanging tauntingly overhead. Like a guillotine poised to snick down on your reflection. Throat rolls, the point of the steel twinkling like starlight, tongue flicks out to wet your lower lip.

Mindlessly wander how sharp it is, if there’s some tale behind it—maybe an heirloom. Either way, it must be special, to be put on display like that.

Again trace the smile of the curved blade, following the gleaming edge of steel.

(Would its slice would be faster than pain?)

Pain splinters up your knuckles, breath catching int your throat as fingertips burn. Jaw clamps, muscle locking as violent aches cramp your palms, lacing beneath the sleeves of your dress.

Keep still, eyes squeezing shut as you ease breaths into your lungs. The pain subsides to a dull itch, and you move to turn. Nostrils flare at the smell of smoke, eyes flicking down as the handles of the bags snap, singed and burnt away. Heart picks up at the books plummet to the floor, ready to thud intrusively on the boards, crack through the silence. Socked-foot sticks out before you can think, just needing to muffle the sound before it hits.

Teeth sink into your lower lip as one of the corners hits the bridge of your foot, undoubtedly going to bruise later, but you keep the noise of pain to a minimum. Heart pounds in the silence, and you’re swiftly ducking down to scoop the bags into your arms. Humiliation burns in your throat, shame twisting in your gut. If you had been less greedy…less hoggish… So stupid.

The gifts weigh in your arms like burning coals, clutched to tightly, desperately, as you scurry away down the hall. Crawling away into the distance.

————

Unscrew the pot of hand cream as soon as you’ve finished shoving the bags into the dust beneath your bed, pushed as far back as possible.

Peel back gloves, their tips singed open, already dipping your fingers into the cooling balm.

The sickening smell of gardenias floats up to you, skin burning as you rub the cream in, stinging from the aftermath. Fleetingly peer at the blank paper atop your desk, taunting but unadded to.

Feel control slipping out from under you, like the world is moving without you. Just a few steps behind. Heart picks up, a light, panicky feeling setting in. Fingertips crackle, glowing bright and tears slip out, teeth biting into the raw pain of your lip.

Swallowing down a single choked cry.

General Taglist: @myheartfollower @tcris2020 @mali22 @amygdtjhddzvb @sfhsgrad-blog @needylilgal022 @hannzoaks

Az Taglist: @azrielshadows1nger @jurdanpotter @positivewitch

CBMTHY Taglist: @impossibelle @naturakaashi @sakurafrost3-blog @ficienjoyedrbspot @azriels-shadowsinger @marina468 @misstea12 @going-through-shit @fussel9913 @minakay @i-am-infinite @wannabewolf @thegirlintheshadows101 @kennedy-brooke @esposadomd @horneybeach1 @jeannineee @harrystylesfan2686 @tothestarsandwhateverend @abysshaven @starlight-hope @stupidwingboy @nastynesta @luvmoo @furiousbooklover @kuraikei @kemillyfreitas @chasing-autumns-chill @marvelpotter @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @nightcourt-daydreaming @vanderlinde @fall-myriad @historygeekqueen

[silverdreamscapes]

I swear people in this fandom are too funny. Because how can people say on one hand that they didn’t pick up on anything romantic between Elriel until the bonus and then say elriels lack reading comprehension and don’t pay attention to the text or details. Wtf, clearly if anyone lacked reading comprehension it was you and not elriels lol. Because we didn’t need a bonus chapter to literally spell out for us that Azriel and Elain wanted one another.

What did you think “A mate will know what is wrong with Elain” and then Azriel being the one to figure it out was about?

What did you think Azriel being the first one to notice Elain was missing and “I’m getting her back” were about? The fact that Sarah had Azriel as the one to go on a suicide mission to save her and not her mate?

The fact that Elain is the first and only person that Azriel has willingly let hold TT, his most prized possession? “I saw the painting in my mind: the lovely fawn, blooming spring vibrant behind her. Standing before Death, shadows and terrors lurking over his shoulder. Light and dark, the space between their bodies a blend of the two.” Pretty sure elucien and Gwynriel didn’t have a moment like this.

Why is Elain the first one to hold his scarred hands and call them beautiful?

Why do you think Azriel was clearly upset about spying on Lucien because he didn’t want to see what he and Elain did together? “Azriel’s Siphons guttered, the stones turning as dark and foreboding as the deepest sea.”

Why is Azriel associated with a place called Rosehall of all things? A place more than likely belonging to his mother.

Why do you think Elain buys gifts for Azriel but not her own mate? That she’s the one who causes Azriel to actually laugh out loud and it’s a sound unlike anything Feyre has heard before?

That he stays up until whatever fuck o’clock in the morning just to listen to her garden plans and stays with her even after everyone goes to bed.

If Lucien is supposedly what she needs because of “sunshine” then why is Azriel the one who actually takes her to the gardens and spends time with her in the sun enjoying peace and quiet and not Lucien? Why have Feyre ask Rhys “what if the cauldron is wrong”.

Why is Cassian confused pretty much throughout all of ACOSF because of Azriel’s behavior? Why he doesn’t sleep at night, why he avoids family dinners, why Elain smiles shyly at Azriel and has to look away, why Azriel seems so concerned over Elain’s wellbeing when he learns Nesta and Elain had a fight, why his shadows gather likes snakes ready to strike Nesta for insulting Elain?

And most importantly what about the fact that Cassian and even Mor notice that Azriel no longer looks at Mor longingly and appears to be over her? Azriel’s feelings for Elain were the catalyst and reason for him moving on from Mor after 5 centuries, and it wasn’t Gwyn his supposed mate who he actually met two years prior to Elain? Hmm…weird.

Or what about Azriel following the sound of elain’s laugh to another room and sharing a charged look between them? Or Azriel not being able to go into the family room because of “who” was in there “His secret to tell, never hers.”

Not sure how you missed all this, as well as other examples I didn’t even list, and then have the audacity to say we have no reading comprehension. Elriels didn’t need a bonus chapter to literally spell out for us that Azriel’s secret was Elain. I didn’t need it explicitly stated by him that he wonders what she looks like when he penetrates her, or that Elain gets wet just from him touching her neck of “offer and permission” to pick up on what Sarah has clearly been hinting at for multiple books. He wants her, she wants him, but there’s a mating bond in the way which complicates everything. It’s really that simple.

If you couldn’t pick up on that, then it’s you with the reading comprehension problem not elriels. They actually have romantic setup unlike Elucien where Elain loses her boldness around him. Or Gwynriel who have an off page rescue, and off page dagger lesson we never hear about, an off page bonus, and a regifted necklace meant for another woman.

[emmitaaa4]

“Elriel is too predictable! It’s boring & lazy writing!”

… 🧍‍♂️

My brother in Christ. You call SJM the fated mates author. Through 15+ books and 3 series she hasn’t diverged from that trope. Elain has a “mate”.

If an Elriel outcome is predictable, it’s because the author willed it so and therefore ✨wrote scenes✨ to ✨develop their relationship✨.

and by that i mean…

(long post ahead…. bear with me)

SJM wrote Mr. “I don’t need to resort to poetry” going all Azriel Allan Poe, flustered as he tells Elain “we are born hearing the song of the wind”. She wrote him uncharacteristically open & talkative, while when he 1st met Feyre he deferred all her questions to others.

SJM wrote that despite how different they may look, Elain does not balk from Az. She never has: from their 1st meeting she finds comfort in him, and he in turn notices her—she’s never been afraid of him, he has always seen her.

SJM wrote the 1st coherent thing to come out of Elain’s mouth in WaR to be “beautiful” as she beholds Azriel’s scarred hands. In turn, she wrote our gardener not minding imperfections on hers, for despite her lady-like conditioning, she prefers to get her hands dirty.

SJM wrote Az spending time with her in the sunshine: no forced conversation, no one hEaLinG anyone, just them both doing their own thing as a relaxed Az suns his wings. Just two pals comfortable with one another… which SJM foreshadowed in MaF through Feyre’s “Elain would likely cling to Az for some peace and quiet”.

SJM wrote Az and Cass both stilling at the sight of El & Nes, she wrote Az cutting in to set Elain up in her garden even as Feyre was about to do it, she wrote the mention that Elain was safe after the twin raven’s attack bc Az had stayed with her at the townhouse.

SJM wrote Azriel’s eyes churning as he looks at Elain and her too-thin body, before abruptly winnowing away, and we’re left with Mor looking at the spot where he left. Wonder what that was about (it certainly did not remind me of Rhys in TaR).

You know, Elriels are not just making stuff up and theorizing about the E/ucien bond cause we’re desperately pulling at straws…

SJM had Madja say “a mate would know if something is amiss”, then wrote a scene juxtaposing both Lucien’s and Azriel’s reactions/assessments of what was going on with Elain… and she had Azriel be the one to know nothing was “wrong” with her—no, she just had rare powers and needed to be heard, to be taken seriously. He didn't let her be misunderstood, for he was the ONLY one that listened to her, that took her visions/ramblings seriously right from the get go. And so he gave Elain the understanding she needed to free herself from the dream-like murky realm she was trapped in. Through it all, SJM emphasizes that Azriel also understands what it is like to struggle with rare, strange, prized powers in silence; what it’s like to be othered by them. I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: she sees everything and he hears everything.

SJM wrote that “Elain had hoped that love would trump even a mating bond” and had her characters question the Cauldron in relation to Elucien *twice* (years apart!).

…

SJM wrote Az being the only one—in a room full of Made beings speaking of being Made—to notice that Elain was missing. A reassuring but empty statement by Cass that they’d get her back….but then it was Azriel that stated, eyes glowing golden, that HE would be getting her back, despite the girl’s own sister discouraging him & telling him he’d die. Hell, Feyre had this whole deliberation on whether she’d join him only after he’d say he’d go. His initiative.

The Hybern scene is too long to add, but this post and this theory break it all down brilliantly.

Yes, Az has sacrificial tendencies. Yes, he’d risk his life for loved ones in general. But we have never seen him this affected, and it is because SJM purposely used language to emphasize Elain and Azriel’s meaningful reactions to the other… despite it being wholly “unnecessary”

It is all intentional… lazy’s antonym.

SJM wrote the Truthteller scene. She emphasized the exchange, which left Cassian gasping and Rhys flabbergasted; it also left Feyre with a significant painting in her mind. It lead to Elain, aka “my God has answered me,” stepping out of a shadow to save her sister. Azriel, aka “God is my help”, indeed helped armed Elain so she could answer her sisters prayers.

SJM ended WaR with Elain’s smile literally lighting up Az’s shadows.

SJM had Elain’s thoughtful gift to him make his eyes the brightest we’ve seen—and by doing so gave us the most beautiful description of his earthy eyes, “the hues of green amid the brown and gray like veins of emerald.” We have never seen Az so joyful & carefree throughout the entire series.

SJM wrote that Azriel beat Feyre to Elain’s side as she was looking out into the night. She wrote Elain stilling at the sight of a dashing Azriel—her throat bobbing—while Az “just moved towards her”.

SJM wrote the potato scene—“sit i’ll take care of it”—Azriel again being the one to respect Elain’s presence & contribution as he makes a room full of his “superiors” wait until Elain finishes tidying herself up (cause girlie wanted to look put together for a certain shadowsinger). Mor gapes, Amren smirks, Rhys talks of Az’s mom… all because of that surprising, singular behaviour from him.

SJM wrote Az making a joke at Amren’s expense upon noticing Elain’s discomfort; our girl’s shoulders indeed relax in relief. THE LIGHT RETURNS IN HER EYES.

SJM has Azriel staying up past 3am with Elain, listening to her speak of something she is passionate of.

SJM wrote Azriel spending an entire convo with his brothers looking out into the garden from the window (SJM mentioned it 4 times yet some still missed it).

SJM wrote Rhys goading Az for a reaction as he quizzes him on Lucien and Grayson; wrote Rhys realizing that Azriel did not want to know what Elain did with Lucien (in the case she did anything). She wrote Azriel nervously stuttering as he asks risks if they need to get the sisters a present… I wonder why.

And Rosehall… SJM wrote ROSEhall: cracktheory this cracktheory that, to the gwonriels I’d say we both know you wouldn’t say it’s irrelevant had SJM chosen to call his estate Tealhall.

~~~~

Keep in mind: SJM could have written those significant scenes and ultimately kept it PG: she could have chosen language that built up a profound platonic relationship.

Yet… in MaF she has Feyre comment that they would be good together—as in make a good *couple*. WaR roles in and they’re both dealing with the very public rejections they went through—but SJM had them build a quiet companionship in the background, while giving them a wealth of scenes of great significance for both their characters, and while using language like “she DEVOURED the sight of him” “he CRADLED her to his chest”. In FaS they are slowly but surely getting over their last loves, and SJM continues developing their connection.

And in ACOSF, in the book that supposedly “ended” Elriel…

SJM wrote Az following the sound of her laugh (😭). “ It’s just lust” PLEASE BFFR.

SJM chose to remind us—THREE times—of the Hybern rescue scene... then had Az tell Cass that he’d know, in his chest, if something happened to Nesta.

SJM had Az longingly stare at the gift Elain gave him every night for a YEAR—mind plagued by thoughts of her—made him so affected by her that he had reactions to every mention of her name in SF, so affected that it took Nes one look at them to notice his feelings, to reach out in comfort upon noticing the pain that keeping himself apart from to her caused him. As SJM said she would, Nes saw through his secret in ACOSF, still it is “his secret to tell, never hers”. After Solstice we are met with a grumpy Azriel, who lost the snowball fight for the 1st time in centuries (i wonder why…).

SJM chose to link his every secret back to his feelings for Elain, as per the bonus . Why does he stay up so late and wake up so early? He longs for Elain so much he can’t sleep. Why is he staying in the HoW? It is too hard to be close to Elain given their circumstances; he must physically distance himself from her. Why has he moved on from Mor after centuries? Elain. Why is he grumpy post Solstice? The argument with Rhys concerning Elain.

~~~~

Ultimately, SJM wrote for Elriel:

- Complementary imagery (flowers and death? light and dark blending together to form something new… DUSK, anyone?)

- AND plot altering scenes

- AND chose to liken them to one another multiple times

- AND genuine moments of companionship that slowly bloomed into something more…

… Is it so insane to believe that maybe SJM spent so much page time and effort building connections & common ground between them because she intends for elain & az to find peace and quiet within one another?

Or idk, maybe it was all for shits and giggles… and if it was i salute her commitment to the shits and the giggles🫡

Either way, it is the opposite of lazy writing…

It’s SJM’s world & words, and we are just reading them.

P.S: This was all just typed on my cell phone from the top of my head… yes remembering all this is probs concerning, yes I am obsessed. Please correct me if I got anything wrong.

[acourtofquietdreamers]

“Elain said she needs sunshine and Lucien is the heir of the Day Court. Elucien endgame confirmed 🥰”

You mean this scene?

The scene where Elain is physically with Lucien, but leaves him to go to the SUNNY garden in Velaris? That’s the scene that foreshadows Lucien as what she needs?

That scene actually reminds me of a previous scene where Elain is enjoying the sun in the townhouse garden (in Velaris)…with Azriel.

The scene where they sit in silent companionship and Feyre sees them and wonders “Why not make them mates?”

But I guess that means nothing.

[quietmonologues]

So. I hate shipping discourse and I try to keep it off my blog nowadays. I also don't consider myself a part of the fandom. But, I find discussions about this series particularly engaging and interesting, and Elucien do have me in a bit of a chokehold these days so I feel the need to get this off my chest and put this out into the world.

A common question I see is "why do people ship Elucien? They don't even like each other". And to that, I say this:

What about it? This is why shipping discourse in this fandom (and in general) is so ridiculous, because why is there confusion as to why people ship Elain and Lucien together? SJM literally wrote them as a potential pairing, that's why she made them mates. Pairing = shipping. It's not rocket science.

Two characters not liking each other is never gonna be a deterrent for them becoming canon or for people liking them as a ship. That's why enemies to lovers is such a popular trope. However way you define enemies (on opposite sides of a war like Zuko and Katara, or thinking ill of one another based on misunderstandings and assumptions like Darcy and Elizabeth), when it's done well, the story of two characters changing their opinion about each other, getting to know each other on a deeper level, and growing to love each other after their initial discomfort/hatred/loathing/indifference is a compelling story. It's about the journey, the development, and overcoming all the hurdles and bumps that are in their way.

Another reason for why the "they dislike each other" argument is so weak is because you literally have two other canon couples in this same series who had very rough starts. No matter how you feel about these two pairings, it's blatantly clear that Rhys and Cassian did put Feyre and Nesta in uncomfortable situations and have hurt them (physically/emotionally). But clearly, that was not a deterrent for them getting together in the end. So why the heck are Lucien and Elain different? Why is "Elain is so uncomfortable around Lucien" a continuous argument? It's so hypocritical given the fact that Lucien is the only guy that isn't forcing himself upon his mate.

Also, I'm sorry but some people (me...I'm some people) are tired of the "dark, battle-born, winged-warrior brother" and "previously human, traumatized archeron sister" pairing. Elain and Lucien are both associated with nature, they're both social and like interacting with people, they both experienced a deep love previously, they both abhor violence, they are both overlooked by others yet have the ability to see what others can't. They are a compatible pairing to me because they share many characteristics that are harmonious and complementary. They are the anti-thesis of Night Court aesthetics and thought, and if they ever have a book together then I can only hope it's the best one in the series.

And yes, the "Elain needs sunshine" and "Lucien is the heir to the Day Court" connection is important, my goodness. That's what symbolism is!

Sometimes it's that simple.

Okay, that's enough shipping discourse from me.

[sjmgirlie]

BEING SEEN

This scene is VERY important.

Not only did Azriel state nothing was wrong with her (which mind you Madja also said she wasn't crazy and didn't like them implying she was) but once he was able to decipher what was "wrong with her", Elain's eyes clear. People say Elain said she needed sunshine, and think that alludes to Lucien because he is Helion's son. BUT, we actually didn't know that at the time.. we find that out later.

My interpretation of this is that Elain needed to be out of the Void world. That was why she requested sunshine (page 302 ACOWAR). Her eye's being murky was because she was continuously having visions. The understanding and proclamation that she is a seer from Azriel brings her out of the Void. Sunshine does not equal Lucien here.

I'd like to add that actually Lucien said she needed fresh AIR, never sunshine, because I see people mistake that as well.

On page 336 of ACOWAR, once Azriel has figured out Elain is a Seer and they ask her about the sixth queen Vassa (mind you Azriel mostly asks the questions):

"Lucien just stared and stared at my sister, as if he'd never seen her before"

This is important, because in the first sit down of Elain and Lucien, she says that Graysen saw her, and he was the only one. And now he will not. Being seen is what Elain wants the most. To be truly seen. We see in later exchanges with Elain and Lucien (which let's be honest are minimal) that while Lucien is definitely trying to some degree with Elain, that he still does not truly see. For example, the gardening gloves for Solstice.

You can't say Lucien isn't trying at all, but he also doesn't really want to be around her. His exact words were "I can't stand to be around her" in the context of it's difficult to be around her because he can tell she doesn't want him to be. Also, do we know if he actually genuinely likes her? Or if it’s literally just the bond? Even when Feyre goes into his mind in ACOWAR, Lucien is at odds with himself. He says Jesminda CHOSE him, while Elain was thrust upon him.

Elain - Lucien - Az is the story of CHOICE. They ALL represent the desire to be chosen. So who they will end up with will in the end be a CHOICE.

[redheadspark]

Hiiii can I request an az x reader or cassian whichever u want, they have a baby like 5 months old baby and they live in a cabin in the mountains by the lake and one day as yn and the bby are outside in nature a threat appears and there is a bit angst but ends up happy??? Thank u so much❤️

A/N - I LOVE this for my Alec series! Sorry, it took some time to write, but I hope you like it :D. This is part of the Ocean Eyes Series

Split

Summary - Cassian stops a potential threat against Alec.

Warnings - Angst with a slight mixture of fluff

"I'll be right inside if something happens or if he needs anything or wants—"

"You go, babe.  Alec and I are fine.  Right, kid?"

Alec giggled as Cassian tickled his side, Nesta saw how comfortable Cassian was with Alec as they were perched on a large blanket right next to the lake.  With a kiss on Alec's head and a light kiss on her mate's lips, Nesta walked back to the cabin to get to work, leaving Cassian and Alec out by the lake to enjoy the sunshine.  

Although you were more than capable of having your son with you, you know Cassian wanted to give you and Azriel some time alone and a mini break.  Not that Alec was a time-consuming toddler, he was rather easy.  Rhysand has even joked with you and Azriel that Alec was easier to handle than Nyx was as a toddler, but he meant well.  

It was a warm day, quite warmer than usual in Velaris since the warm winds were now in Night Court.  Tension between Night and Autumn Court was only a pinch better.  Ever since Elaine and Lucien got married in a beautiful wedding in Night Court and held its reception in Autumn Court, both Rhysand and Beron were trying to make amends and head in the right direction. However, the main snag in that relationship was Eris, still in hot water since the comment about Azriel and his family.  His duties with his father and as the Prince of Autumn Court diminished as punishment, commanded to be in stone silence during Elaine and Lucien's Mating Ceremony reception.

You and Alec stayed in Night Court during the reception that was in Autumn Court, a compromise you and Azriel made together since Elaine and Lucien wished for your family to be at the Mating Ceremony.  Tension was still high for the Spymaster, and his son would not be caught in the crossfire when it came to Eris and his threats.  It was a good enough plan, both yourself and Azriel didn't wish to make waves or cause chaos showing up in another Court with Alec exposed to others.  When Azriel showed up to the Reception with Cassian and Nesta, Eris seemed rather peeved at the absence of yourself and your son.

Much to his dismay, but much to the amusement and satisfaction of Azriel.

Since then, you and Azriel made your lives normal for Alec.  He was talking wildly now, though it was a few words here and there but willing to learn more.  Cassian has offered to babysit him more and more since there was less of a need for him at the Illyrian camps.  His soldiers were getting along quite well and thriving without him, his captains were exceptional leaders and the arguments were now at a minimum.  It left Cassian to have more time with his family, particularly with his nephews Nyx and Alec.  Both boys loved and adored being with their Uncle Cassian, the fun and lively Uncle who would play with them for hours on end and never get tired.  It paired well with Aunt Nesta, who would read them bedtime stories and give them lots of snuggles when they were sad. 

Today was Cassian and Nesta's day to watch Alec.  Rhysand working at the River House with Azriel on spy information he received from Spring Court.  Feyre, with Nyx in tow, asked for your assistance at the Community Center back in Velaris since you loved working alongside the locals and the needy.  With Elaine and Lucien enjoying their newlywed life in their little cottage along the Night Court countryside, Cassian and Nesta were on babysitting duty.  

Neither Nesta nor Cassian said anything, but they looked forward to watching Alec, as they did with Nyx.  To them, it was almost a practice for them when they wished to expand their family.  Nesta was not ready for a babe just yet, but she told Cassian she was open to the possibility of the future, which made Cassian's heart soar. He would wait years, long years, however long it took for her to be ready for motherhood.  Even if maybe down the road she didn't want that life anymore, Cassian didn't mind at all.  Her happiness, for all she endured, was his priority now.

"Alright, you wanna watch your uncle organize his blades?" Cassian asked playfully, Alec grasping the stuffed owl that his Aunt Nesta gave him and watching Cassian with wide eyes while Cassian rolled out his blades carefully on the blanket, "Don't worry, kid. You'll hold one of these in no time, but maybe not for a hundred years or two if I know your dad,"

"Dada!" Alec shrieked at the mention of his father, and Cassian laughed.

"Never thought I would live to see the day that the Shadowsinger fathered a child…no offense," He said to Alec, who was snuggling with his owl and watching a bumble bee hover by on a massive flower, "You know I love your dad like a brother…well, he is my brother.  But he's still a mystery, even to your Uncle Cassian,"

He went to work on his blade, getting out each one to inspect them and see which one needed maintenance,  He could hear Netsa working inside the Cabin, looking over some ancient books that Rhysand gave her to other information to use for their security in Night Court.  Nesta and Rhysand's relationship was better than ever, both having respect for one another and love for one another as in-laws.  Rhysand enlists Nesta to help in research since she traded most of her powers to the Cauldron to save Feyre and Nyx from death.  Nesta admired Rhysand for being a great mate and father, no longer having that grudge or chip on her shoulder.  

Cassian could see and feel high hopes for his mate.

Minutes went by as Cassian was going over every weapon, seeing his nephew out of the corner of his eyes walking around on his wobbly legs and exploring the shore of the lake.  His wings were growing inch by inch,  still against his backside while his raven black hair was a bit longer with thick waves and half in his face to cover his bright blue eyes. Things felt calm in the area, almost a bit too calm. Although there was magic instilled around the cabin and the area, Cassian knew better than to not have his guard up.  No matter if there hasn't been a breach of security or a threat against Night Court, there could still be a looming threat that can start small and then explode.  

He heard Alec walking along the grass, pausing in his weaponry inspection to watch his young nephew tread his way over to the end of the grass that led to the tall trees and the dense forest behind them.  Cassian never once had to fear or worry over a certain area in Night Court, not even close to the Mountains and near the Illyrian Camp.

But something crawled under his skin, almost licking at his spine and sending almost a warning signal to him

He paused, placing his daggers on the quilt again as his eyes moved to Alec.  His nephew was babbling to himself, reaching out to grab tuffs of grass in his fingers as the wind was picking up.  He could pick up a few familiar scents: the crisp pines from the forest, the sweet grass, Alec's scent on the lotion Nesta put on his skin, and even Nesta's scent that was laced in pomegranate.  

But there was something else…something bitter and crisp.

A flicker of movement in front of Alec, almost too quick amongst the dark trees that were swaying in the wind.  Cassian's eyes saw it though, a snap of a twig and another flicker that was over to the left. It was no animal, not even deer were that fast or slick.  Cassian's intuition and his Commander side were activated now as he was still watching his nephew look at the grass between his finger and attempt to nibble at it.  But then the soft sound of something brushing a tree alerted Alec, making him stand up straight and look in that direction.  Cassian saw how alert he was, even as a babe he stood still like a grown Illyrian.

His wings, though tucked in tight, showed some flickerings of…..shadows.  Cassian then knew that Alec's own shadows he got from his father were alerting him.

Something's wrong

"Cass?  Babe, how's going out there?" Nesta asked as she was coming out from the cabin with a washcloth between her fingers.  But she saw her mate crouched down a bit, reaching for one of his daggers, and his eyes trained on the forest in front of Alec, who was whimpering a bit from his mini set of shadows that were now along his backside.  Her eyes were on alert now, staring still in worry as Cassian gripped a dagger tightly in his hold.

Don't move. Cassian said in the bond to Nesta, sensing her fear and concern as his eyes were on the forest again.  He was looking for the slightest movement amongst the dark branches and trees, knowing fully well that someone or something was there and so close to Alec, let alone the three of them in a secluded cabin.

When I tell you to, get Alec and get inside. Lock the door and do not open it unless it's me.  Cassian commanded Nesta in his mind as his dagger was gripped hard in his grip.  He was still searching, looking through every leaf and pine needle for a sign that his instincts were not wrong, that he was in fear of something that was indeed there and in front of his nephew in plain sight. 

He then heard it, a low growl of sorts that seemed animalistic.  Cassian threw the dagger instantly.  The dagger flew past Alec's head, not close to hitting him but enough to leave him shaken as it launched into the pit of the forest.  Cassian heard a yelp and a thud.  He hit the target.

"NOW!" He yelled, grabbed another dagger, and started running towards the threat.  He ran past Alec, who was whimpering in fear as Cassian knew Nesta was bolting towards Alec and scooping him up in her arms.  Cassian didn't even have to look to know that Nesta was sprinting to the cabin with her nephew tight against her chest and locking the door behind her as he made it into the forest.

He could smell the blood as soon as he went past the first line of trees, and then he saw a body hunched over in the dirt and gasping for air as the dagger he had thrown seconds beforehand was sticking out of his chest.  Cassian felt anger boil in him as he saw that this was no Night Court citizen, nor was it an Illryian Solider.  He could see light hair, dark clothing the fae was wearing, even the weaponry strapped to his hip as Cassian grabbed the back of his head.  He yanked his head back, eyes going wide in anger and rage seeing the auburn hair and the bright eyes.

Autumn Court.

"Where is he?"

"The master bedroom,"

Rhysand and Azriel entered the cabin in haste, Azriel leading the way as he was looking for his son with worry his shadows flicking in anger and Rhysand looking over at Cassian.  Cassian was remaining calm, sitting at the dining room table with his hands laced together and brows knitted together.  Nesta had Alec in the master bedroom, calming down with ease for the past few minutes while Cassian got in contact with Rhysand and Azriel about the close attack.  He knew Azriel was not going to be calm when it came to his child, let alone Rhysand.  Even Cassian was trying to calm himself down from going out to the fae who almost killed Alec and strangled him to death.

Instead, he tied him to a tree out near the lake, keeping the dagger in his chest for him to bleed out slowly.

A bundle was wrapped and in front of Cassian, his eyes drilled on the bundle while Rhysand walked over to him with his wing ready on high alert.  Cassian could hear Azriel cooing and calming his son down, he knew Azriel was going to think twice about doing something to the fae with Alec in his arms.  It was a safer bet for Azriel to hold his baby than to go out and kill the fae slowly and with pain.

"Rhys," Cassian said in a warning, Rhysand walking over to him and standing next to him in front of the table as Nesta walked out of the bedroom now, looking more somber and a bit relaxed now that her nephew had her father, "He had this,"

He gestured to the bundle, both Nesta and Rhysand looked in confusion as Cassian then reached for the top of the bundle to remove the fabric.  Once he did, Rhysand's eyes went wide, and almost looked disgusted as the sight of a dagger was seen.  Laced in orange and red gems along the hilt and handle, the steel did look rather too pristine and delicate.  Cassian's eyes looked over at his High Lord, his face filled with anger and rage as he spoke.  

"An Autumn Court Blade," Rhysand grimaced.  

"You smell it too don't you?" Cassian asked in a low tone, Rhysand bitterly nodding his head as Nesta looked at her mate in confusion.

"Smell what?" She asked, her voice low and almost quivering.  Rhysand and Cassian locked eyes, both of them remaining far too calm for the situation but they too were beyond angry.  

"It's poisoned," Rhysand hummed, Nesta gasping and covering her mouth in shock.  Cassian was shaking his head slowly, closing his eyes, and feeling bitterness deep inside of him that was also laced with guilt.

"I didn't know he was there, I didn't realize…" Cassian was muttering feeling like he was spiraling downwards since he was only thinking of how close Alec was to being hurt, let alone killed.  If he was a second late, or a pinch too slow…

"You saved your nephew," Rhysand said to him immediately, placing his hand on Cassian's shoulder as he gave him a hard look, "You saved his life and you went with your gut.  Alec is safe, you three are safe, and that's because of you, Cassian.  Don't you fucking dare think less than that, understand?"

Cassian looked up at Rhysand, knowing that he was telling him the truth.  Cassian always hated putting himself down and thinking he should have done better, he's done it in the past so many times.  He would hide it with his jokes and banter, but he wanted to be perfect at times and prove himself.  To hear from Rhysand that he succeeded, to know that he saved the life of his brother's son, was worthwhile.  

"What about his mother and Feyre?" Nesta asked the pair of them, to which the front door opened again.  You came running through, eyes wide and frantic as Feyre was right on your heels. You slid to a halt, seeing the scene in front of you: Rhysand, Cassian, and Nesta sporting looks that were mixed in shock and anger, a dagger sitting on top of a bundle of rags.  Your heart was beating rapidly and your mind was spinning over time.

"Where?!" You asked in a breath, Nesta knowing full well you were talking about Alec. She took your hand and led you to the bedroom, Feyre gliding over to her mate and Cassian as Rhysand took in a long breath to mostly control his own emotions.  

"High Lord Beron needs to know this," Rhysand said aloud in the room, though Cassian shot him a look, "Those daggers belong to his high fae security and high ranking personal.  It's not an Illyrian blade, and if he did this...."

"You think it was him…or a certain Prince with a Vendetta?" Cassian asked in a lower tone, Rhysand's let eyes darted to him immediately as Feryre looked worried.

"Eris wouldn't!  To kill a child, a baby?!  That's a death sentence, going against his father and this Court!  He would be a fool to be behind it—"  Feyre started to explain as Cassian gently interrupted her.

"Respectfully, Feyre, he's always been a fool.  And if it's him behind this after all…nothing is going to hold back Azriel from tearing him limb to limb, or his mother.  I won't hold either of them back, nor will your mate,"  Feyre's eyes shot to Rhysand, who was looking at the dagger again with a new heat of anger and rage in his eyes.  Rhysand knew Cassian was right in that statement.  If Eris was behind this attempt to harm or kill Alec, there was no force in Night Court, or beyond that, that would stop Azriel from killing Eris immediately.  

"There's something else too, with Alec," Cassian explained, gaining the attention of the High Lord and Lady, "I saw shadows on Alec, along his wings just like Azriel.  Small, but they were there.  He's a Shadowsinger, like his father,"

"That makes him a bigger target now," Rhysand said in a tremor, the mood once again looking and feeling a bit grim with this new information.  Azriel was the only Shadowwinger known, no other Court had one or knew of one except for him.  He was coveted by other Courts and their High Lords for centuries to work for them, yet he remained with Night Court and his family.  But now to know his son had his gift, it made his safety far more imperative.  

Once word got out, the Courts will come for him.

Azriel came out of the bedroom, Cassian shooting up from his spot in the dining room and looking rather concerned at Azriel as he was approached by the Spymaster.  Was Azriel going to hate him for almost having Alec in danger?  Would he be angry at Cassian for the close call?  How was he going to react as he stood in front of Cassian with a stone face?  Cassian was about to say something to him, almost trying to explain it himself what happened. 

But Azriel hugged him tightly, fiercely, as a brother would for another brother.

Cassian was in shock, but he hugged him back as Azriel was clinging to him and not letting him go for a long moment.  Azriel was never one to be a hugger unless he was deeply and intensely moved by something.  Cassian felt almost like collapsing, feeling that hug to his core as Azriel pulled away and stared at him with his hazel eyes. 

Cassian knew that look on him since he had seen it.  He saw it the first time they met as children and he took Azriel to meet Rhysand, he saw it when he taught Azriel how to fly to get strength in his wings.

A look of gratefulness and love.  

"You saved my son," Azriel said calmly, though there were tears in his eyes as he stared into Cassian's soul, "Cass…I can't thank you enough for saving my boy.  My world—"

"Hey, It's okay," Cassian urged him as he clasped Azriel on the back of his neck, feeling Azriel trembling as he gave him a nervous smile, "Az, I would do anything for him, for any of us.  You guys are my family, okay?"

Azriel nodded, and although he seemed calm in front of Cassian, he knew the wheels turning in Azriel's mind.  He remained calm in the moment, but deep down he was in a rage.  The kind of anger that seeps in the pours and is almost like a poison to snuff out.  Alec's life was almost taken in a split second, and there was no way and no force that was going to stop Azriel, or his mother for that matter, from inflicting harm on those who tried to take their son.  

Azriel moved away from Cassian, walking back to the master bedroom with Rhysand and Freyre in tow.  Cassie stayed behind, grasping the back of the chair and letting out a massive sigh of relief as Nesta left the room.  Cassian could hear the group chatting together about what happened as she closed the door and walked to Cassian with worry in her eyes at her mate and his condition.  Cassian's shoulders felt heavy and his mind felt like it was in a fog, all that adrenaline was gone and he could collapse at any moment.  

So Nesta hugged her mate tightly, Cassian digging his face in her hair to inhale her scent and be centered again.  There was peace again, his heart slowed down and his mind was back to being at ease with the calm words from Azriel and his mate holding him close.  In his mind, he was thinking of what he did wrong and how he should have stopped the threat sooner.  But to the others, he saved a little boy's life.  

His eyes looked back to the dagger that was still on the table, and he felt his heart falling to his stomach at the sight.

It was a sign of conflict that had just begun.

The End. 

Tagged - @valeridarkness @impossibelle @acourtofbatboydreams

[famouscyclenerd]

This has been said before, but I'll say it again..

Elain's visions were never what was wrong with her, it was never what was bothering her. That was her depression and the trauma she went through. (And let's be honest, Az was clearly interested in her apparent gibberish and likely recognized it, but headed to the library for sure confirmation. It wasn't necessarily with her well-being in mind. Though he is very much a good person still.)

She had stayed cooped up in house of wind for weeks without any improvement, not eating or sleeping. Even though Az was surely around...

Lucien almost immediately recognizes what she needs, sunshine and some fresh air. And him, of course😏

And Elain shows clear signs of improvement after Feyre takes his advice and moves them to the town house.

I do believe it has more to do with his presence and not so much with her finally getting some time outside. It likely soothes her more than they both realize. Lucien's state of mind would have massively calmed as well after being able to confirm she is, at least, physically safe. Her conversation with Lucien from his pov is possibly the most she has said to anyone since Hybern.

After Lucien takes her visions to heart and decides to venture out looking for Vassa, Elain springs into action as well. Perhaps she sensed his courage and felt a new-found inspiration within it.

After all, she did try to stop him before he left, but decided against it. She knew he would succeed, and she finally felt ready to do what was needed of her.

[milswrites]

Hobbies Epilogue.

~ Azriel X Reader

Summary: In an attempt to keep Azriel away from Elain, Rhys sends him on a sabbatical to the Day Court. With a lot more free time on his hands Azriel needs to find something to keep him occupied. Unfortunately he meets Y/N who has the annoying habit of not staying away. Can she teach him that there’s more to life than he thought?

Grumpy!Azriel X Sunshine!Reader

Series masterlist

Warnings: Mentions of sex. Mentions of drinking. Crippling sadness over the fact that this series is over maybe? (Just me? 😭)

Feyre and Y/N were hurriedly running through the streets of Velaris towards the townhouse, Nyx held lovingly in the latter woman’s arms, his little legs too small to be able to keep up with his rushing family.

They were running late, the two having decided to meet for a coffee in the Rainbow before Y/N and Azriel set off on their long travels. A honeymoon of sorts, Azriel’s gift to Y/N for finally accepting the golden bond between them after a year of taking it slowly.

A year of the two taking in turns to visit the other’s court, of spending every minute they weren’t working in the other’s company. Azriel’s shadows were a great help in this, aiding the male in swiftly travelling to her home at the end of each day, ensuring that the pair slept soundly in the comfort of each other’s arms by the time night fell.

A year of Y/N getting to know her mates family. Her family. Who didn’t just see the woman as Azriel’s mate, but as their sister. Her bright aura being the missing piece of their puzzle, her shining presence a sign that their family was now complete.

And what a family it was. Azriel sometimes miserably complained that he swore Y/N only visited him to get to spend her precious time with everyone else.

To paint with Feyre in her studio, using Nyx as their giggling muse as he failed to sit still for them. Wriggling and squirming, as the women attempted to capture his beaming face on the canvas. Wanting to capture every minute of his youth as they could before he grew old.

The drinking with Cassian and Mor and Rita’s, there being many nights where a grumbling Azriel had to hide his smirk as he had to lift a wobbly Y/N into his arms in order to carry her home to sleep away the alcohol in her system.

Amren and Nesta were always up for a reading session with Y/N. The women spending hours of their time perusing through the dusty shelves of all the quaint bookshops in Velaris. Excitedly exchanging reviews whenever the woman from Day returned to the Night Court.

Y/N had even began to help Elain in her garden. Bringing trimmings of the plants that blossomed in Day, hoping that with Elain’s tender nurturing they would bloom just as beautifully in Night. Growing a piece of Y/N’s home in Azriel’s court.

Life had been perfect. A constant upwards spiral of contentment. The shadowsinger doing everything in his power to ensure that Y/N always had a dazzling smile across her face, the male undertaking this task with a grave seriousness as if it were a matter of life and death.

Now the shimmering bond had been tethered permanently between them, life could only keep on getting better and better. And it was going to, starting with this magical trip he was going to take her on across the courts, just as Azriel had promised Y/N before the bond between them had even made its appearance.

At least it would be if Y/N actually got there in time.

~~~~~

“And you’ll make sure to write to us every week right?…And starfall! You have to come back for starfall!” Feyre panted heavily as she spoke to Y/N, the shadow of the townhouse appearing in the distance as they continued to quickly dash towards it, the figures of their impatient mates coming into their view the closer they got to the building.

“Oh of course we wouldn’t miss it Fey! Besides I promised this little man that I’d save him a dance this year” Y/N lovingly pecked Nyx on the cheek as she answered Feyre, the young boy blushing profusely at the action. His little heart belonging entirely to the woman who held him in her arms, Feyre’s child having a youthful crush on the lady. Threatening Azriel that whilst Y/N was his mate, he would be the one to marry her.

“I know” Feyre flashed a gentle smile over to Y/N as they slowed in their approach to the waiting males, “I just know Azriel would keep you wandering around Prythian for an eternity if he could.”

“No, we’d miss our family far too much. We can’t stay away for too long, we wouldn’t want to.”

Y/N plastered one last affectionate kiss onto Nyx’s cheek before passing him over to Feyre, the boy starting to cry as he left her tender embrace.

“Finally” Azriel huffed, walking over to the two women, giving Nyx a gentle squeeze to his cheek when he finally came to stand before you, “I was thinking you’d started to have second thoughts about this.”

“Second thoughts about spending night after night alone with my dashingly handsome mate? I think not” Y/N teased, her eyes moving to rake over her mates form. Azriel was once again wearing one of her own creations, it was all he wore these days when he didn’t have to be in leathers. He said it was because he didn’t like to waste money on clothes, Rhysand said it was because he was whipped.

Feyre rolled her eyes at the scent which had started to radiate from the shadowsinger, his dark eyes locked onto Y/N. “Save it for the trip Az” she chided, tapping him on the chest as she passed by him, moving to stand by Rhys.

Azriel came to stand behind Y/N his arms wrapping protectively around her as he pulled back into his chest, leaning down to whisper in her ear, “Thank the mother you’re here, the sooner we set off the sooner we can get away from Cassian.”

The woman looked over the silvery-eyed male who was hiccuping from the overwhelming force of his emotions, tears rolling down his cheeks at the realisation that his brother was leaving him for a few months.

“Oh come on Az he’s not so bad” Y/N muttered, eyes going wide in shock as the General released a particularly loud sob.

“He spent three hours crying last night at Rita’s over the fact we’re going.”

“See he loves you!”

“I think he was more so crying over the fact you were leaving him” Azriel said this jokingly, but failed to cover the bitter jealous edge to his voice. The frenzy of the bond’s acceptance still not quite fading, even after the two months you had spent feeding his desires.

“You’ll miss him” you smiled softly, warm eyes looking to your family who had gathered to wish you goodbye as you set off on your journey.

“Yeah” Azriel admitted, his own contented amber gaze taking in the same view of yours, “but something tells me we are going to have a lot of fun these next few months. We have to make the most of our time together before you go back to Day.”

Y/N stilled, going slightly stiff in Azriel’s arms as she lifted her head to meet his face, shyly speaking to her mate, “What if I told you that I don’t have to go back?”

“What?” Azriel asked, anticipation building in his chest as he turned Y/N around until her body faced his, needing to properly absorb her expression to see if what she was saying was really true.

“What if I said that Helion offered me a promotion? Emissary to the Night Court. He seemed to think that you guys needed some cheering up, something about you being miserable whenever I wasn’t there.”

Azriel laughed, a deep, earthshaking laugh. Sweeping Y/N into his arms as he spun her around, his enthusiastic movement gathering the attention of his family.

“Then I would tell you,” Azriel started, his forehead pressing lovingly against his mates, “that I’m ready for whatever adventure life will throw our way.”

“You’ll never be bored again” Y/N grinned, eyes bright and lively at the prospect of an eternity with her mate in Night, “not if I have anything to do with it.”

“My love” Azriel breathed deeply as he hovered his soft lips over Y/N’s, “It’s impossible to be bored when I have a mate as captivating as you are.”

There was no doubt in his mind that Azriel would never find himself short of anything to do again. After all Azriel was no longer alone. He had found his mate. His other half. And he would allow himself to spend an eternity trying out new things, as long as he meant he got to do it with her. With the woman who stole his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Excuse me while I go cry.

Just want to thank you guys for all the love and support and comments and enthusiasm you’ve shown this series. There’s absolutely no way this would have been done without you guys and you’re all amazing and I appreciate each and every one of you so so much <3

Taglist:

@thelov3lybookworm @minnieoo @going-through-shit @iluvyewman-blog @laughterafter @amysangel @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @aaronwarnerobsessedmylove @justvibbinghere @honeybeeboobaa @willowpains @tele86 @mysticalfuncollectorus @mybestfriendmademe @starryhiraeth @gorlillaglue25 @moonlwghts @darling006 @anuttellaa @serendipityx150 @xxxalicerogersxx @that-one-little-soybean @scatteredstardustt @naturakaashi @nyx-the-alien @lostinpages13 @namelesssav @dreamlandreader @fightmedraco @maxmouse001

[brittanymoura]

her smile

azriel x reader

summary: Y/N is having a rough time, Azriel doesn’t know how to help her... until he does (angst, friends to lovers, Archeron!reader).

word count: 3k

warnings: grief, despair

a/n: I swear I have not abandoned ‘the heir & the emissary’. I’ve been going through some personal stuff lately and haven’t had it in me to write lately until this idea sparked my inspiration. I’ll be getting back to that story soon.

————

The corners of his mouth ticked up as he looked around the room and saw nothing but smiles. It was a cold night in Velaris and the inner circle was gathered at the townhouse enjoying a relaxing night together, filled with liquor and laughter. It had become increasingly rare that everyone was able to get together like this.

“I can’t believe Y/N’s finally coming home tomorrow. Definitely wasn’t expecting her mission to keep her away for so long.” Mor stated, gaining the rooms full attention.

“It’ll be awesome to have her back, it’s been a bit lonely without my partner in crime. I’m excited.” Cassian exclaimed, “though probably not quite as excited as Az.” A smirk overtook his face as he turned toward his brother.

Azriel scoffed, rolling his eyes good-naturedly, but was ultimately unable to keep the smile from spreading across his face.

He had missed her terribly. He missed her infectious laughter, her shining eyes and the way she never failed to make him feel seen. But most of all, he missed her bright smile. The one she saved just for him. The kind of smile that lit up a room and always reached her eyes. It never failed to make his heart flutter. From the moment he met her, the eldest Archeron sister had whittled her way into his heart and had quickly become his closest confidant. The two had become inseparable and the way she so easily slipped into the empty spaces of his life, making him finally feel whole, never ceased to amaze him. Despite the trauma she had suffered, she always remained the bright sunshine capable of lighting up his dark world.

“Yes, well none of us expected the clean up efforts to go on for quite so long,” Rhys handed a freshly filled glass to Azriel as he took a seat on the couch beside him, pulling Feyre into his lap. “When I originally asked her to lend her gifts to aid those in need, I only thought she’d be gone a few weeks. Certainly not a few months.”

Before anyone else could speak on the topic, the air seemed to ripple around them and Lucien stepped out of nothingness. He wore an uncharacteristically grim expression and his hair seemed disheveled, as though he has been nervously running his fingers through it. Azriel was immediately on edge.

“I’m glad you’re all here because I need to talk to you,” he stated.

“Lucien. What brings you here tonight? I thought you were meant to be picking up Y/N?” Rhys raised one brown in question.

“That’s what I need to talk to you about. She’s-” Lucien set out a long sigh. He turned to the cabinet and pulled out a glass, quickly popping open the nearest bottle and filling the it. “She’s… well I’m not really sure how to explain it.”

“Okay, you seem stressed. Take a breath and then tell us what has you so bothered. Is Y/N okay?” Feyre sat up in Rhys’ lap, the tension of the room beginning to escalate. Her oldest sister has always been her anchor, keeping her grounded. Through thick and thin, any problem Feyre had she always knew Y/N would be there to help her through it. For as close as Nesta and Elain had been, her and Y/N had been thick as thieves.

“Physically? Yes. Mentally? Not even close.” Lucien exhaled and his shouldered sagged.

Azriel sat up straighter, his shadows beginning to move around him in an agitated fashion. His heart rate picked up and sweat started to gather on his palms. “What do you mean?” He asked, voice rougher than usual.

“I had gone there tonight with the intention of helping her gather her belongings and prepare for the trip home but I barely even made it through the door when the head healer pulled me aside. She said Y/N’s healing had some… unforeseen side effects. Essentially, from what she could gather, every time Y/N uses her energy to heal, she absorbs the energy of those around her to create a balance. In normal circumstances this would probably be fine but doing it in the healers tents of an old battle field… well she’s been surrounded by nothing by grief and death all these months. She’s been taking it all in and now…” His sentence trailed off. He ran is hands through his hair, staring down at his feet.

“And now?” Cassian asked. The room was so quiet even a human could hear a pin drop.

“She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t laugh. She doesn’t really do much of anything but stare off into nothing. And her eyes, Gods, her eyes. They’re so lifeless, it’s like an empty shell of who she was.” Lucien felt a shiver run through him at the thought of her eyes, the way she had looked at him when he saw her for the first time. “I’m going back tomorrow morning to pick her up, but I had to let you all know so you aren’t shocked when you see her.”

Azriel froze, back stiff and eyes wide. His shadows were moving in a frenzy around him. His grip tightened on the glass he was holding as his knuckles turned white. That couldn’t be right.

Nobody spoke, the room a silent stillness. No one knew what to say.

————

The inner circle gathered around the dining room table. A low rumble of conversation consumed them, much more tame than what would usually be expected at a family dinner. The tension could be cut with a knife. Each member sat rigidly in their seat, unsure of what to expect upon her arrival.

Suddenly the sound of the front door opening could be heard reverberating through the house and the soft sound of footsteps followed in its wake. Azriel took a deep breath as his eyes connected with Mor who sat directly across from him. She gave him a tight-lipped smile. His heart was racing and sweat was beading on the back of his neck. His shadows were restless too, swarming him in a fit of nervousness.

Lucien appeared first, a small smile gracing his lips. “Hello everyone,” he stated as he sat down in the empty seat beside Elain. As he sat down, everyone’s eyes moved the body which had been previously hidden behind him. And there she was.

Y/N’s stood in the dining room entry way, straight as a board with her hands clasped behind her back. Her frame appeared thinner than he remembered and even her hair seemed to lack its usual liveliness. But in the end, it was her eyes that caused his heart to clench. They were empty and unseeing, as though she were staring through them.

He stood from his seat, the silent tension beginning to get to him. Nobody spoke. He pulled out the empty seat next to him and the sound caused her head to turn in his direction. Their gazes met and for moment, they simply stared at each other. Then she began to move as she swiftly and silently she settled into the seat beside him. Still, no words were spoken.

“We’re so happy you’re home!” Feyre exclaimed, allowing a large smile to spread across her face. Y/N turned her head in Feyre’s direction but said nothing. No smile graced her lips, no light sparked in her eyes.

Nothing.

“Remember us? Your sisters. You’re not even going to say ‘hello’ to us?” Nesta spoke up, irritation beginning to creep up her spine.

Nothing.

“I missed you Sunshine,” Cassian tried his hand. A warm smile upon his face as he looked at her. “Turns out, these losers aren’t nearly as fun to prank without you there to assist me.”

Nothing.

Azriel simply stared at her. His eyes were locked onto the side of her head as his heart began to fill with dread. His stomach felt as though it had been filled with lead. He reach out and grabbed her hand beneath the table as it sat in her lap.

Please. He begged. Please react. Do something, anything. He prayed to any Gods that may be listening.

Still, nothing.

Cassian looked across the table to his brother and winced. Through all the trials and tribulations they had faced, he had never seen Azriel look as distressed as he did now. His body was stiff with tension and even his shadows were pulled in tight. A pained expression adorned his face and his eyes were wide with horror, tears gathering along his lower lashes. He would not take his eyes off her. Despite all attempts, Y/N remained unmoving, blankly staring at the wooden table before her. All the while, Az steadfastly refused to let go of her hand. He had no idea if she even knew he was there but he hoped that maybe, in some small way, he was providing her some comfort.

————

And that’s how the weeks carried on. No emotions, no speech. Y/N remained as she was, floating through each day like a ghost.

The inner circle got to work.

Each person took turns to dig through archives and books looking for any sign of how to fix it. Rhys reached out to Helion in the hope that maybe, somewhere among his massive library, they would find a solution.

Azriel spent every waking moment he could either sitting beside her and speaking in soft tones or scouring countless books. There had to be an answer, if only he could find it.

Come to my office. Azriel heard his brothers voice in his mind and he let out a small sigh, shutting the book before him. Another waste.

Upon entering Rhys’ office he found both his brothers already seated. They each gave him a small smile as he took a seat beside them. Rhys leaned forward with his arms on his desk and his fingers crossed before him.

“I spoke with Helion about the situation and he believes he understands what is happening. Though we have yet to find a solution.”

Azriel stared across the desk at his brother, silently prompting him to continue.

“He believes that she’s burnt out much of her ability to heal and replaced that empty well with death, despair and grief. It had become such a common occurrence for her, that her body no longer registers those things as separate emotions. Essentially her baseline has been reprogrammed to those feelings.”

“So, she’s feeling grief and despair in a never-ending loop at all moments of the day? To the extent that it’s become her new normal?” Azriel spoke in a voice softer, sadder, than either Rhys or Cassian had ever heard before.

Rhys let out a small sigh, “essentially yes. We don’t have a set solution yet but Helion believes that if we can find a way to help her expel those emotions and surround her with comfort, we may be able to reverse it.”

Azriel’s eyes clenched tightly shut and his head dropped low, supported by his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. He hunched over as his shoulders began to shake violently. Both Cassian and Rhys shot up from their seats and made their way over to their brother. They crouched down beside him on either side and brought comforting hands up to his back.

“She’s always been there for me. When I’m feeling lost and alone she’s alway been able to pull me out of that darkness. This time she needs me and I can’t even help her. I don’t know how to fix this,” Azriel sobbed. “I can feel her withering away. Help me. Please. I don’t know what to do for her.”

His brothers locked eyes over his back and they shared a sad look. They had never heard Azriel beg before, had never heard him plead for help. Not like this.

“We’ll find a way to help her. I promise you, we will not stop until we find a way to make it right,” Rhys swore to him.

————

Surrounding her with love and support was the first plan set in motion. Even still, there was no progress. Mor took her shopping, Nesta brought her to spend time with Gwyn and Emerie. Even Elain tried to get her to garden alongside her. Nothing worked. She sat in silence, eyes blank.

The whole inner circle had once again gathered at the townhouse for another night in. Y/N was settled on the couch with her back pressed against the armrest and her knees pulled up to her chest. Her head was leaning against the back of the couch as she stared silently out the front window. The others were scattered around the living room, some taking part in a rowdy card game and others chatting quietly but Azriel couldn’t focus on anything but her. His eyes never strayed from her form, hoping against all odds that somehow she would respond to anything.

Rhys was sat next to him on the couch adjacent to the one Y/N sat upon. He leaned his head closer to his brother to hear him speak.

“I’m sending Amren to Day court tomorrow in the hopes she can go through some more of the books in the library there. Hopefully we get some good news soon.” Azriel nodded slowly; he wasn’t hopeful. He took another sip of his drink, and allowed himself a moment of calm. A moment to relax. And then it happened.

His shadows exploded out of him at the first sign of his hold on them loosening. He’d been keeping them so tightly wound in an effort to not startle her that as soon as his hold on them slackened they shot out towards her. His shadows swarmed her, covering Y/N completely and sheltering her from the world. He stood up quickly, ready to pull them back into him and apologize for their behavior. Before he could make a move though, he heard a small noise. Everyone went silent.

There it was again. A small, wet noise. A sniffle. Then, a hand shot out from the thick darkness, fingers making a grabbing motion.

“Azriel?” That voice. He knew that voice. His whole body froze, shock taking over him. “Azriel, please.” He moved with swiftness, reaching into the darkness and scooping her up, sitting on the couch and pulling her into his lap. He felt her thin fingers latch onto his shirt, holding on as though he were the only thing tethering her to this world. And then she began to sob. Loud, keening wails escaped her as she buried her face into his neck.

Nobody moved for fear of ruining this moment. It was what she needed, to expel these emotions.

“I-I want to go home,” she pleaded and she had barely even finished her request when they were swallowed up by darkness and carried off into the night.

A moment of silence passed over the group before Mor spoke up. “Where is he taking her? This is her home, she lives here.”

Cassian let out a huff, a little smile resting on his lips. “They’re in his room. She always used to call it home. I’m not sure how I seem to be the only who’s ever noticed but she basically lived in there with him.”

“What? Since when?” Feyre asked.

“For a long time. She always called this the townhouse or just ‘the house’ but his room, she always referred to it as home. From almost the beginning she started staying in there. They’d stay up late into the night talking. And then, slowly, her stuff just started migrating in there. If you don’t believe me, go look in her room. It’s barren.” Cassian smiled, widely this time. It thrilled him to know he’d been the only one observant enough to pick up on this fact.

“Do you think they’re like, together? Is that why he’s been taking this so hard? I just thought they were really close friends.” Feyre asked again, brows furrowing.

“Honestly, darling… I’m pretty positive they’re mates.” Feyre gasped.

“He told you that?!”

“No, not directly… but he didn’t have too. He was upset about the situation the other night and he said he could feel her withering away. I don’t think he even realized he said it, but he told us he could feel her.” And at that, smiles spread across each of their faces. Finally, they thought, the two people who deserved that kind of never ending, all-encompassing love, more than anyone were finally receiving it.

————

Azriel and Y/N reemerged in his bedroom. Silence surrounding them and only the sound of her short gasping breaths filling the space. He kept her tucked against him as he sat back on his bed against the headrest. She sat sideways between his legs, one of his arms wrapped around her waist and the other buried in her hair. He kept her head pressed close to him, his lips against her forehead.

“I’m here, love. I’m here for you.” He murmured against her skin, his eyes falling shut as salty tears ran down his cheeks and dripped off his chin into her hair. This was how they spent the remainder of their night; wrapped up in each other. They clung to each other as though the world might tear them apart at any moment.

“Thank you for being with me. I could hear you there with me, feel you with me, everyday. Not just when you were sitting with me but all the time. I can always feel you, and it helped more than I can ever truly tell you.” She whispered to him. She pulled back from where she had been tucked into the crook of his neck to look at him and felt a hard pull in her chest. And then a resounding snap.

Azriel gasped audibly as he stared down at her, wide eyed. A grin took over his face and he tucked her gently back against him. “I’m so happy I could help you in any small way like you’ve always done for me. And I will continue to be here for you, to love and cherish you always. For however long and any way you’ll have me.” She pulled back from him once more.

And then she smiled at him. Big and bright and stunningly beautiful. She was smiling at him once again.