#enbycommunity

[lgbtsupport]

do you need dysphoria to be non binary?

Hi,

So personally I wouldn’t think you need to feel dysphoric to be non binary.

Gender dysphoria by definition is “a distressed state arising from conflict between a person's gender identity and the sex the person has or was identified as having at birth; also : a condition marked by such distress.”

I think you can recognise that your sex and gender don’t align without feeling distress. I mean of course you’re not going to be ecstatic about it but you don’t need to feel extreme negative emotions about it for you to be valid.

Hope this answered your question!

- Lola

[lgbtsupport]

Hey! I’m super confused abt my gender rn. So I recently came across the term non-binary and sometimes I feel like it fits, but most of the time I feel like my agab. I never feel male (I’m afab), but as I said before, sometimes I feel more comfortable ID’ing as non-binary than a woman? Am I genderfluid? Non binary? Overthinking/faking? Idk please help thanks

Hi,

Don’t stress about it! It’s totally normal to question these things it’s all part of self discovery and it doesn’t mean you’re faking at all.

If non binary feels comfortable for you then thats what you are. The gender binary is a spectrum, so to be non binary you don’t have to feel part male and part female you can feel anywhere in between.

If you mostly feel like your agab which is female you could be demigirl or just simply non binary or genderqueer. If you don’t fully identify as the gender you were born as that’s enough to identify as non binary.

Remember that labels are for you and not for other people.

- Lola

A link with some gender definitions: https://lgbtsupport.tumblr.com/post/615938226277040128/hi-so-i-was-wondering-if-you-could-help-with-some

[lgbtsupport]

Hey, I’m non-binary have a question abt names. So I really want to start going by my more gender-neutral middle name, but I feel super attached to my first name, the name I’ve always gone by. When I imagine being addressed by my middle name by close friends or family, it feels weird. But like I still want to go by it. I just wish I had always gone by my middle name. Is this normal? Thanks

Hi,

Of course it’s normal, it’s a name you’ve gone by your whole life so it’s only expected to be attached to it.

Remember that names don’t really have a gender and that it’s more of a societal thing, so don’t feel like you have to go by your middle name just because you feel like it’s more neutral.

There are guys called Ashley and August which we would typically associate as more feminine, and girls called James and Ryan which are typically more masculine. You don’t have to change yours just because it may not be neutral.

So if you really are attached to your first name then maybe you should keep it! But if not, don’t sweat it. Your first name can always be part of you if you want it to be. Maybe you could get a pendant with your first name on it or a tattoo or any other accessory as a reminder that it’s always part of you, and still go by your chosen name.

Hope this helped!

- Lola

[lgbtsupport]

i just wish i was a cis female, but i know I’m not and gender dysphoria keeps me up at night, I’m probably nonbinary (i hate labels tho), i just want to be a cis female so i can be lets say ‘digestible’ to friends+family but when i’m always presenting myself that way I feel dysphoric, i fear that i might move away from the people that i love because they don’t understand what being non binary is, i have come out then back into the closet multiple times because of this, any advice, thank you

Hi,

As I always say, don’t choose a label to make others comfortable. A label is for you and you only.

I’m not sure if you’re family is outwardly transphobic or not so first of all I always suggest to do what is safe in your current environment.

I feel like being a cis female wouldn’t make it any easier to identity as non binary so try not to stress about that part, we have to work with what we’re given and make it as comfortable as possible to live in the bodies that we have.

If you have friends or some family members that are willing, you could ask the, to sue whatever pronouns suit you and work for you.

If it’s something you would like you could get an androgynous haircut, or grow it out depending on what you have right now. If you can, dress in whatever clothes make you comfortable. If you’re attracted to more feminine things you could use some fruity perfumes, or some tinted chapstick/lip balm. If it’s something you’re open to you could try shaving your legs and more feminine associated things. (*disclaimer: I’m not by any means saying cis women/trans women/afab/anyone who identifies more with feminine has to shave their body hair)

At the end of the day your identity is yours and not what anyone else thinks or decides that it should be, don’t let others actions or opinions make you think otherwise.

Like I say, if someone told you that you were a green flamingo you’d say no I’m not and you don’t let it define . So if someone says or discredits your gender identity or sexuality, then don’t let it define you either.

I’ve provided some links below for nonbinary forums - so you can talk to others in a similar situation I find things like this usually help - and other information which I think will be helpful.

All the best!

- Lola

https://disboard.org/servers/tag/non-binary

https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/forum/118-non-binary-and-gender-non-conforming-support-forum/

http://neutrois.com/resources/