#erwin smith slow burn

[spectorbear]

— strangers (soulmates) part 2

pairing: erwin smith x f!reader

summary: erwin smith was the embodiment of intimation, money, and power. and you were his personal assistant.

genre: office au; slow burn, smut, angst

word count: 1.4k

warnings/notes: swearing, no real warnings for this part; purely part of the slow burn of it all!

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masterlist

THE SUN HAD LONG PASSED THE SKY, leaving the blues of the moon to dance along the place. You were still in the office, finishing up last minute details before the weekend.

Work has been intense the past week. With several new (huge) business deals, new hires, and events planned… you haven’t had time to breathe. Erwin was at the peak of all things, which meant you managed both him and you. Usually, you and Moblit go out on Saturdays to relax and talk about literally anything other than work. But with everything going on in both of your departments, you thought about just having a relaxing weekend without leaving the apartment. 

You went into Erwin’s office briefly to place a folder on his desk. It was always extremely clean and organized, with big windows overlooking the neon city. His desk was meticulously organized, paperwork stacked in specific piles and pens placed perfectly. Bookshelves lined the walls, full of thick books and sorted by author. He even had a few potted plants around the room. 

You were just about to leave when you heard ringing. You checked your pockets; it wasn’t your cell or work phone. Twisting back around, you found Erwin’s work cell ringing on the edge of his desk. 

Maybe you should leave it. But you were his personal assistant… you could just answer it and say that he was out of the office and leave a message for him. It must have been important if they were calling this late.

Deciding against better judgment, “Mr. Smith’s phone, this is his assistant.” You answered, placing the work phone to your ear and prepping a pen and sticky note. “Mr. Smith is not in the office right now, but I can leave a message for him.”

“I told you she’d answer!” Hange giggled on the other end. The music was loud, conversations of strangers muffled, and clanging of glasses echoed. They must be at a bar. 

“What’s going on, Hange?” You asked, dropping your customer service voice and prepared pen. You were worried at first, thinking it was a work emergency. But, with them still being at the bar, you were more worried about a personal or medical emergency. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine!” Hange giggled. “Kind of! Levi is here! Say hi, Levi!” There was a pause with no reply. “Oh, he’s being annoying! Anyway, I think you should come here!”

You sighed. “I’m about to leave the office and go home, Hang. I’ll see you on Monday.”

As you were moving the phone back to hang up, Erwin’s voice made you pull it back. He must have been away, leaving Hange and their friend behind. “Who are you calling?”

“No one!” Hange giggled, their voice in a sing-song tone.

There was movement on the other side, a pause, mumbled arguing, and then Erwin Smith was speaking to you. “I apologize for them. I realize that I should not have left them unattended. Please enjoy your night.” He paused. “You are still at the office?”

“Yes. I was just leaving, but your work phone rang.” You answered, slipping into your polite voice that you always had with him. He was your superior after all. 

“That was my fault. I must have left it when I returned earlier.” He replied. Another pause. Someone was saying something to him. “I do not want to bother you as you are leaving the office, especially after I had already told you to go home, but is there a chance you could bring me that phone? We are at Scouts and I might need that phone over the weekend. I apologize for this.”

You sucked in a breath as if you were just waterboarded and they released the cloth. Something about the tone in his voice automatically coursed through you. Like your body adjusts to being in the office and on the clock just by his presence alone. 

“Yes, sir. I can be there in fifteen.”

“I appreciate it. I shall see you soon.”

You hung up. 

And immediately called Moblit.

YOU WERE SHAKING AS YOU DROVE. Moblit had talked to you briefly, laughing hysterically at the thought of Erwin and Hange getting drunk with a college friend. He was doing something with his roommates, so he didn’t stay on the phone for long, and told you to catch him up on the “state of them” when you go out for drinks the next day.

You arrived at the Scouts bar and parked to the side. It was a Friday night, so there were plenty of people that littered the bar and the parking lot outside. It was common for office workers or college students to prowl the bar; it was even the usual spot you and Moblit went to on Saturdays. 

Locking the car, you entered the bar. Scanning the crowd, you found your boss instantly. 

He was a sunflower in a lavender field. Tall, bright, and commanding attention. He stood against a booth, leaning against the ledge meant for hanging coats. He was deep in a conversation with someone whose back was toward you. It was almost strange, seeing him talk casually and intoxicated. He was full of smiles, which brought a warmth to him that you’d never witnessed, and his arms crossed across his chest showed an array of muscles that you never noticed. 

Erwin’s eyes looked up briefly and caught yours. He didn’t motion, didn’t drop his smile. He simply watched you as you navigated through the crowded bar towards him.

“Here’s your phone, Sir.” You said when you reached his side. You had to speak a little loud over the music, but he seemed to hear you just fine. He grabbed the phone without looking at it. His eyes were focused on you.

“Levi,” Erwin turned his attention away from you to the person he was talking to in the booth. “This is my assistant.”

You turned around to finally see the Levi person that was the topic of the day. He was nursing a Scotch, leaning back against the cushion of the booth. He was the opposite of Erwin: dark, glooming. But they both had a similar aura of authority. Something commanding in a presence that you couldn’t quite place. 

“I see.” Was all Levi said while looking at you. 

Your name echoed behind you just as Erwin was starting to say something. For a split moment, you thought that you might see someone you went to university with and mentally prepared for the “oh my God, how are you, what are you up to now?” conversation that seems to always follow post-grad. But instead, you were nearly tackled by Hange Zoe.

“I forgot you were coming!”

“Hang, I was on the phone with you less than fifteen minutes ago.” You couldn’t help giggling. You weren’t used to seeing them like this. 

“You should stay!” They put their arm around your shoulder as you looked to your boss, who seemed to find the interaction fascinating. He still had his arms crossed, shirt sleeves rolled up just past his elbows, and he looked at you and Hange with a look in his eye that you couldn’t quite place. Interest? Confusion? “Have a few drinks with us!”

“It’s late and I am just getting out of the office.” You were so close to Hange’s face that you could smell the vodka in their breath. “I was only stopping by on my way home. Maybe some other time, okay?”

“Awh,” They pouted. Only for a moment, however, because they quickly found solace in plopping in the booth next to Levi and rambled to him about something you couldn't make out over the music. 

“I should go.” You said to Erwin. 

He finally stopped leaning against the booth and stood straight in front of you, revealing his full height. “Let me walk you out.”

You nodded, unable to answer. He nodded to Levi and Hange before leading you back to the door. You followed without a single thought, easily slipping into your position a few paces behind him. It was common for you to follow him like this. It was unspoken. Natural.

The brisk midnight air hit your face as he walked you to your car. The parking lot had a lot less people, but you could still see the stragglers and a few groups waiting on Ubers. 

“Thank you, but you didn’t have to walk me out.” You told him, opening your car door but not getting in. He stood in front of your door near your headlight, placing his hands in his pant pockets. “I hope you have a good weekend, Sir.”

“You do not have to refer to me by that outside of work.” Erwin said. You froze. “Sir, I mean. You can call me Erwin. We are both off of the clock. You are not my subordinate or assistant right now.”

You blinked. You didn’t know what to say. There was something different about him tonight. You had always felt breathless around him, but now you were speechless too. You had never talked to him this much outside of work-related topics or at work until tonight. You’ve had brief conversations before, sure, but never anything that goes beyond something you’d have in your resume. 

But tonight he told you to go home early. He worried about the amount of work he’d been giving you. He asked you to bring him something outside of work hours. He said the words “I apologize for this” to you. And now… now he was telling you that outside of work, you can drop the honorific you gave him. 

Maybe he was drunk and you couldn’t tell. 

“Okay.” Was all you could say. 

He nodded as a confirmation that he heard you. He took a step back from your car, and gave a simple, “Thank you for bringing my phone. I’ll see you Monday.” before heading back into the bar.

please do not interact if you are under the age of 18. do not repost any of my works on any site.

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Rivals with cadet Erwin pt.3

{ pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4 }

{Erwin x Reader | tw: military, tw: almost fighting someone | romantic comedy, enemies to lovers, slow burn | canonverse}

{"The wedding morning" by Konstantin Johannes Franz Cretius, 1814-1901}

"Aren't you going to back me up on this?" You pleaded, hoping your mutual friend would be the voice of reason.

"You know he's on my side here right?" Erwin interjected, raising an eyebrow as he too eyed the tall figure sprawled on the bed across the both of you.

Despite the intense negotiations that have been going on here for the past 2 hours, Miche barely added anything of value to the conversation and he was adamant on keeping it that way.

Sparing the both of you a mere glance from behind the book he's reading, a shrug was all you got before he adjusted his grip on the leather cover, flipping the page.

"You know that coming here would give the impression that you'd add something to the conversation, Miche." Eriwn said, fingers rubbing his temple to get rid of the aching feeling of the upcoming headache following this.

"He's right" you crossed your arms, only to follow it with "for once." for good measures.

Knowing that ignoring two of the most stubborn people he has met in his life would only bring him more pestering, Miche begrudgingly set his book.

"First of all" he glared, "the 'here' that i came to, is my room."

"Our room." Erwin interrupted.

"My side of the room." Miche shot back, pointing to the invisible line that the two men must have agreed on years ago.

Without giving Erwin any more attention, Miche continued, "second of all. The two of you made the deal, therefore you deal with it yourselves"

"Well maybe if someone actually could understand basic words, then he'd know that a favour doesn't cover for what he's asking." You were getting more frustrated by having to go back and forth on this subject, aimlessly running in circles.

"You're blowing this out of proportion" Erwin 'gaslights you to your own face' Smith replied, " I simply asked you to…consider it and give it a lot of thought."

"And I did." You repeat yourself for the fifth time, "the answer is no."

"Then consider it again." He says with a straight face.

You're talking to a wall, a brick wall that calls itself Erwin and walks on two legs. "No means no, just how many times do i have to rethink about it."

"Till the answer becomes yes."

Feeling fed up, you lean closer to his annoying face as you stare him directly in the eye.

For a second, you actually see a glimpse of hope in them when your mouth opens.

"I'm not joining the scouts, Erwin."

And all hope vanishes.

"Then which branch do you plan on joining?" He's still determined he can get through to you.

The only thing keeping you from telling him to shove it and getting as humanly possible away from him right now, is his petty blackmail that he holds over you.

Big enough to get you to agree to have this talk with him right now as your owed favour, but not big enough that you'd risk your life over some horse theft accusation.

You lean back, the hard wood of the bed frame feeling rough against your back. "I don't know." You truly don't.

"Then let's go through them together." And when he says that with his all familiar smug smile, it hits you.

Oh god he's going to use one of his weird logic manipulation tactics on you again.

You swallow down.

"The most common choice for a cadet is usually the Garrison." He pretends to think as he pauses, like he didn't rehearse this whole conversation with an unwilling Miche hours before you came.

While yeah you're being forced into having this conversation, you still keep true to your word and actually put some effort into considering this.

Picturing yourself wearing the bi-roses jacket, being part of the largest military division which means you'll never be understaffed.

Maybe it's not so bad, they get holidays and are generalist in nature. You'd get the best of both worlds, being able to keep in touch with society while still walking the edge of danger when maintaining the outer walls.

"But then again, you'd be akin to a youth pastor without all the church health care benefits. Telling kids off when they try to draw on the wall, town people coming to you to find their missing pets, said kids or to solve some petty theft issue." He slowly begins to shatter your rose colored view on the Garrison.

And he goes on, listing how 90% of the people currently employed are completely unprepared and unqualified to face an actual titan wall breach, how it's all a bunch of drunks with wasted potential. You know just completely disregarding their complex lives as humans with struggles and judging them the same way a farmer would to livestock.

Yet still, he held some sense to his words, making a valid point through his long lecture of why the Garrison is a waste of resources 101.

"Alright I get it." You stop him before he could finish why the Survey corps should be getting the Garrison share of the government funding. "I'm not joining the Garrison."

With a satisfied smile, he says "Good." Like a fly to a spider, you fall right into his web. "If not the Garrison and not the Survey corps then…maybe the military police brigade?"

You already made it to the top ten so why not?

"Maybe" you reply, a part of you realises how little thought you've actually put into deciding what to join.

You've been so focused on your current position as a cadet and how to succeed in it that…you completely forgot it was temporary.

All the rankings, all the tests and all the friendships you've made would just be gone like it never existed the second you step outside this training facility with your belongings.

"They actually get good pay, you know, not to mention the noble reputation that comes with it." Maybe listening to Nile's ramblings on the many benefits he'd get once he graduates wasn't a huge waste of your time.

If he wasn't expecting you to actually show interest in joining the military police, he didn't show it at the start.

But instead of going into another lecture, he only said "Is that all you want?"

"Huh?" You didn't get to fully process what he said before he continued on.

"A good pay and a decent reputation is all you aspire to? You've put in so much effort so far and you're just going to throw it away to live comfortably as a glorified decor for the rich?"

Why was he taking this so personally?

"They protect the king, they're the closest thing to the noble knights the history books mention." You argue.

"Because a single person definitely needs hundreds of guards to protect him. Like I said," he looks you up and down, " a decor for the rich."

Turning towards Miche, your eyes dig into his back, "are you hearing this?"

Not bothering to turn around from his position, he replies, "you shouldn't be ashamed if that's what you want." He doesn't hide his yawn, "although maybe you should've considered marrying into aristocracy instead, definitely easier than being a soldier."

You were done with both of them, "you know what maybe i should've, Miche. Thanks for your thoughtful input." You couldn't have made your tone more sarcastic if you tried.

"You're welcome." And with that he stretches his arms, "it's getting late, unless you want to spend the weekend with the instructor cleaning equipment, you should get back to your own cabinet."

True to his words it is really dark outside, the moon illuminating the sky as the candlelights fade from the windows of each surrounding building.

A sense of relief fills you at the fact the day has finally ended, you've successfully fulfilled your end of the bargain and showed up here to listen to Eriwn's proposal like you promised.

No longer being obligated to stay, you don't waste a second to leave. "Well nice chat, how about we never do it again." You get up from where you've been sitting on Erwin's bed, feeling your legs waking up after sitting down in one position for so long.

Exiting the dreadful room quickly, you take a breath of fresh air, letting the cold night breeze surround you for a good minute.

And then you hear the wooden door open from behind you.

You regret not sprinting back to your room when you had the chance.

"Let me walk you back" Erwin says, "it still falls under the deal we made, you promised the whole night didn't you?"

You stare at him with an annoyed expression, "you're not planning on sharing my bed till sunrise as you repeat your argument, are you?"

"You have my word, I won't step a foot inside." He makes a crossing heart gesture.

Accepting your fate, you reason with yourself that It's just a 10 minutes walk, what's the worst that can happen.

Despite the lovely night and clear sky with each star rivalling the other, the walk is just tense and awkward with a suffocating slimy thick silence.

Maybe you should say something, it will help make this 10 minutes shorter.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting a comfortable life you know." Why on earth would you say that? You're just begging him to start the argument again at this point.

"Is that so?" He doesn't take the bait thankfully.

Still you feel a weird need to justify yourself to him, you've never cared about what he thinks about you but something about saying you're wasting all your efforts just hit a nerve.

"A lot of people would give everything to qualify to join" those words feel strange in your mouth, like they're not your own but you've heard people say them so many times it became a latching thought.

Not to mention a lot of people were actually giving their all in training, some even more hardworking than you. Yet for things they can't control, their best efforts couldn't surpass what came naturally to the people at the top rankings.

They had their skills and talents, but none that the world you live in would deem valuable.

Not hearing his steps beside you anymore, you turned back to look at him.

A shiver ran down your spine at the drastic change in his expression from just seconds ago, he looked absolutely pissed.

He started walking again, towards you this time.

Suppressing the fight or flight urges that have been trained in you, you try to deescalate the situation by taking slow steps back since you know he isn't the type of person to start a fight.

Not to mention is he really going to actually fight you over this?

As your back hits a wall, you tell yourself that you won't hesitate to break his arm if your gut feeling is actually right.

But he stops just before he gets close enough that you could justify shoving him away, almost like he knows exactly where your limits are and how far he could push the line before it snaps.

Still, it is close enough that he almost has you cornered, leaving a space you could escape from any second you want.

And yet you stay, he tests the waters and steps even closer. Gambling away his jaw remaining intact with each step you allow him to take.

"It's my own fault for thinking you were different from the rest." Betrayal and disappointment is crystal clear in his voice, eyes burning into you as if you've personally stabbed him in the back.

"I'm not going to apologise for ruining your imaginary image of me." You're not sure why he's making this a big deal, but you're not going to let him take out his personal issues on you.

Seeing your reflection in his eyes, the same twings of vulnerability shows itself just like that other day in the tavern.

He can tell that you can tell that he's desperate.

At any point you can just walk away, you don't have to listen to him just because he's in a sorry state right now.

Yet you remain still, not out of pity.

"What if…" he clears his throat, like he knows what he's going to say isn't going to be convincing, " what if we get married."

You blink.

He blinks back.

"Pardon?"

He looks away, "we're of legal age, i know a priest that will agree for a price and i can get us a respectable church with enough time and-"

Maybe he's actually lost it.

"Don't no, just…" you stop him as confusion fills you, what do you even say?

After giving him enough seconds so he would admit his poor attempt at humour and stop this joke, you're only met with anticipation filled eyes and nothing more.

"Why?"

He has the audacity to look confused at your question.

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

You almost choke, since when!?

"No?"

"Yes?" He replies, "You want a comfortable life, I could provide that eventually and exchange…"

His voice is right next to your ear, now more confident in the argument he's making. "I get you. I get your skills, your opinions and evaluations."

"You want me to unofficially work under you? By getting married as a front?" You're not sure that you're following his train of thought.

"More or less if you put it harshly that way." He gives you a bit of space, "the way i see it, is that you'll be getting your comfortable lifestyle whilst not wasting your skills and efforts, of course i will reward you for your consultation and only ask you to help with the on base operations once a week."

Only he can make a marriage proposal sound like a government job application.

For all the praise people and teachers throw his way for being exceptionally smart, you realise how big of a moron he is.

"You think you can bribe me into unofficially joining the survey corps by marriage."

"Yes, How is it any different from joining the military police? At least you'd help humanity more in this scenario and I assure you I'm not as pretentious as the people you'd be dealing with there, especially since I would be your husband after all."

"Do you even understand what marriage is? What makes you think I'd just agree to marrying the first person that offers a bit of luxury?"

He questions if you're messing with him, "you seemed disappointed that you didn't marry an aristocrat just a few minutes ago with Miche, I'm giving you another chance at your dream, so why aren't you taking it?"

"That…" you place a hand on his shoulder, "was sarcasm."

...

"Oh." He stares at you, embarrassment slowly creeping into his features as he avoids eye contact.

You would laugh if you didn't actually feel a bit sorry for him.

Clearing his throat, he says "so…you wouldn't marry for a comfortable life?" He seems keen on dying on this hill.

"No."

"Hm…" with a completely serious expression he continues, "i must have misunderstood. I thought my plan this time was foolproof."

The silliness of the situation is starting to down on you as the silence fills the air except for the chirping of a night cricket that could be heard nearby.

Maybe it's the leftover adrenaline from the fight or flight nearly activating or maybe you're just sleep deprived but you feel a smile creeping up your lips.

God this is just so silly to happen over a misunderstanding.

"What kind of person do you think I am?" You ask rhetorically, thinking of how this could've been avoided if he picked on your sarcasm.

Seeming relieved over the fact you're not angry, he doesn't care that he just embarrassed himself enough to last a lifetime, as he smiles back at you.

"That's what I'm trying to find out."

You snort, nudging his arm away as you get your personal space back.

"God you're just…something."

It's his turn to chuckle, "amazing choice of words, I've never been called something before."

The light verbal teasing continues as both of you head towards your original direction, it's been a really long day for everyone involved.

Till you finally arrive at your door, voices lowering into hushed tones to not wake up your sleeping roommates inside.

"Hey, I made sure to groom the horse every now and then… I think." No you didn't.

"Uh huh, you really thought the mud would magically disappear from him each morning?" He could see through your lies.

You shrugged, "maybe he's just a really smart horse? How could I have known you were taking care of him like some sneaky tooth fairy that cleans horses instead."

He covers his mouth to stop himself from laughing, steadying himself before removing it. " A horse cleaning fairy?"

"Shut up."

You walk up the small steps carefully so they wouldn't creak, listening closely to the door as you only hear soft snoring inside.

Bless your roommate's heavy sleeping.

"Hey uh…" Erwin whispers loud enough to get your attention. "I just wanted to say that…I'm sorry, for all of this."

This is the first time you've heard him apologise to you, at least sincerely.

"Well I don't forgive you." You reply, " but I appreciate the gesture."

He's smiled this night alone more than you've seen him do for all the years you've known him.

"Thank you." He looks sincere, "sleep well."

With that, he begins walking away.

You watch him from the door.

The light mood you've just had begins to sour, a melancholic feeling taking its place.

You've asked people around this morning before having this talk with him, only a handful is even considering joining the scouts.

The only people that actually had their join requests already written and sent waiting approval, were him and Miche.

Stepping inside, you tiptoe towards your bed, your sleeping roommate none the wiser.

As you lay under the covers that night, you begin to wonder what it is you actually want.

While the occasional indulgence in comfort is refreshing, you know deep down you're already too used to the military lifestyle to go back to the civilian one, it'd be like taking a bird's wings away just as it got used to flying.

Your eyelids become too heavy as you start dozing off.

The look of pure desperation in his eyes is the last image your brain conjures.

-

Taglist : @rapsgoddess

[lovewithoregrets]

Falling Chapter 3: Summer Afternoon

As spring gave way to summer, Levi found himself outdoors as much as he could. Days like these were barely a far-off dream in the Underground. In his down time, he would Leave Trost and find a quiet secluded spot in a meadow somewhere. Early on, he had discovered a grassy knoll with a small glade. Here, he could sit in the warmth of the summer without overheating and enjoy the simple pleasures of the season. The air was sweet with summer flowers and warm grass. The buzzing insects and singing birds were the only sounds to be heard. The stench and chaos of Trost was but a distant memory out here. Out in the calm of nature, Levi could fully relax and appreciate the freedom that he had gained in the past months since leaving the Underground. If only Furlan and Isabel could see this. He smiled thinking about it. He could almost hear Isabel squealing over all the birds and flowers, running around in the gras, going on about how beautiful everything was. Furlan would be excited too. He would just be quieter about it. But they would both be trying to get him to join them in their frolicking.  

Levi buried his face in his arms as he sat with his knees drawn up to his chest. God, how he missed those two! Why did it have to be them who got eaten, why couldn’t it have been him? Tears welled up in his eyes and his throat tightened. He took heaving breaths trying to force the overwhelming sorrow back down. It was too difficult sometimes to not let the wave of grief take over. Despite his best efforts, a few tears dripped out. I told them not to come. I thought I could do it on my own. What’s wrong with me? The downward spiral began to tug him into the gaping dark of sadness. He let it all out, gasping for air. Tears streamed unchecked from his eyes and into his jacket sleeves. Everything hurt so much. If only I could be a better person. If only I could stop being so selfish, people would stop dying around me or leaving me. The same voice that had haunted him since Kenny left, whispered in his ear. It reminded him of what a wretched person he was. How he needed to be better.  

However, for the first time another voice joined in. It was newer, less familiar but it jolted Levi back to reality. Piercing, blue eyes appeared in his mind and that kind-yet-stoic voice echoed in his ears.  

You could not have known....no regrets. 

Levi looked up, half expecting to see Erwin standing in front of him. It was then that he realized that he had stopped hearing the lazy sounds of the summer afternoon. He had almost forgotten where he was, in fact. He felt the grass and earth beneath him and the gentle, warm breeze on his face. He sniffed and wiped his eyes that had been blurred by tears. A sense of relief filled him, pushing away the darkness. It really was a beautiful day. He really was lucky to experience this. He missed his friends and probably always would. But Erwin had been right: he couldn’t have known that the choices he made would have gotten them killed. He made the best decision he knew to make at the time. They knew what they were getting into. I can’t regret this. I won’t regret this. You guys gave up too much for me to regret this opportunity. I will not give in. I will fight.  

A sense of peace filled his entire body as he thought this. Instead of his thoughts dwelling on the past, he became present again. He lay back on the soft grass and stared up at the tree branches overhead. His eyes thoughtfully followed the lines created by them. It was an infinite maze, and he was content just to be lost in it. Before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep. He didn’t dream.  

He was awakened by the sound of his own name. Levi, wake up Levi! His eyes fluttered open. It took him a moment to reorient himself to his surroundings. But there was something that wasn’t there before he’d fallen asleep. Or rather, someone. It was Hange.  

“Hey there sleepy head!” 

“Wha-what are you doing here?” Levi asked in confusion.  

“Looking for you. It’s lucky for me that a few Garison guards saw you ride out this way. Or else I would have been out here for hours!” They held their hand out to help Levi stand up.  

“So, what, now you’re spying on me? You’re even creepier than I thought.” Levi replied dryly, standing up on his own.  

“It’s not my fault you’re all dark and mysterious. If you’re not going to tell people where you’re going, don’t blame us when we must launch an investigation on your whereabouts!” Hange teased. “Besides, it wasn’t me that wanted to know where you were anyway. Quad Leader ERwin is the one who sent me.”  

“Can’t he give me a moment’s peace?” Levi tried to sound annoyed. In reality, he felt a little giddy that Erwin cared enough to send someone after him.  

“What can I say? The man needs you.” They replied with a bump on Levi’s arm.  

“What he needs, is a secretary.”  

“Is that all? Here I thought he was your boyfriend” Hange overemphasized the word.  

“Shut up, weirdo. That’s real mature.”  

“Come on, it’s not like you’re subtle about it.” 

About what?” Levi said sharply. Does everyone think he and I are...? 

“Don’t be coy. You know what I’m talking about.”  

“Fuck off.” 

“So, you’re not?” 

“Not what?”  

“The Squad Leader’s boyfriend.” Hange had an oddly excited look on their face. 

“Not that it’s any of your business but no.” Levi said impatiently. “He’s my friend and commanding officer.”  

“Uh-huh” Hange replied slowly, clearly not convinced. “So, him wanting to know about your favorite tea was just morbid curiosity?” 

“He asked you about that?” Levi was taken off guard by this new piece of information.  

“He did. I don’t know why. It’s not like you tell me that kind of thing. But I did remember the smell of what I know you especially like to drink so I made an informed guess.” Hange said with a shrug.  

What the hell, Erwin. Does the whole Survey Corps know you bought me fucking tea? 

“Why do you have to stick your nose in everything?” 

“It’s not sticking your nose into stuff when he asked me to find out.” Hange protested.  

“Oh, pardon me. I didn’t realize that giving someone tea meant you were fucking them!” Levi spat. 

“Alright, clearly, I touched a nerve. Sorry I said anything!” they replied dramatically, raising their hands.  

“Let’s just get back already.” Levi said wearily as he mounted his horse. “What did Erwin want with me anyway?” 

“What makes you think he told me?” 

“What, you aren’t curious at all about why he would care if I was around?” Levi rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t ask questions. I just do what I’m told.” Hange said self-righteously.  

“Of course, you do.” They looked at each other and burst out laughing, breaking the tension.  

“Ok, fine. I did ask but he said something about you were supposed to help him with something or other related to the upcoming expedition. I know they haven’t even secured funding for the next one, but I figured I could get more information out of you than him. The man is a brick wall when he wants to be.” 

“And I’m not?” 

“Not always. You know you’re easier to read than you think you are.” 

“Is that so?” Levi tensed ever so slightly.  

“Well for me at any rate. But I know I am more observant than your average soldier.  So, if you were the squad leader’s boyfriend, I doubt you’d have to worry about anyone knowing.” They smiled and winked at Levi.  

“It’s not a secret. We’re just friends. Now, can we drop this?”  

“Whatever you say, Levi!” They spurred their horses on faster towards the gates of Trost.  

“Ah! Levi! Sit.” Erwin indicated the empty chair by his desk.  

“You wanted to see me. Squad Leader?” The scowl on Levi’s face made Erwin stop in his tracks. 

“Is that a problem?” He searched Levi’s face for some indication of why he was upset. 

“No, Sir”  

“You’re calling me by my titles so I would beg to disagree, Levi” The sharp reply took Levi aback. He looked at Erwin as if sizing him up before replying. 

“Hange interrogated me.” he said, flopping into the chair.  

“I see. About what?”  

“They implied that I was your boyfriend or something.” Levi looked away.  

“And that was offensive to you?” Erwin could feel his pulse quicken. “The idea that you and I would be in a relationship?” 

Levi remained silent for a moment. He didn’t really know why he was so upset. It wasn’t the implication that the two were together. That much he knew. 

“No” He replied in a low voice.  

Erwin felt enormous relief hearing that one word. He leaned against his desk next to Levi and waited until he finally made eye contact.  

“Right. So, what is the problem then?” Erwin’s tone was softer.  

“I just don’t like being asked about things like that. And you opened the door to it” 

“How so?”  

Levi paused, trying to work up the courage to ask about what Hange had revealed. “They mentioned that you asked about my favorite tea. That they were the one that helped you find out.” 

Erwin hung his head with a deep sign. So that was it. Levi continued. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you got it. It’s just” He wanted to choose his words carefully. The more he talked, the more he understood his own annoyance and he didn’t want to hurt Erwin’s feelings. “It’s just that, well, people talk. I don’t like being the subject of idle gossip. It’s nobody’s business either way and knowing that everyone could be talking about it behind my back and making wild speculations pisses me off.”  

Their eyes met. Levi hoped that his face conveyed what he meant. Erwin’s expression which had tensed slightly seemed to relax. He nodded and then smiled.  

“I understand. I guess I have stopped paying attention to what everyone talks about these days so that I didn’t stop to think about how you felt about it. That was selfish of me. I am sorry, Levi.” 

“You’re not selfish, Erwin.”  

“That so?” 

“We’re all a bunch of selfish bastards at the end of the day. We’re just trying to stay alive and pretend like everything is going to work out. I’ve come across some real assholes in my life, and you are not one of them.” Levi said. “The fact is, you’re one of the least selfish people I have ever met. But nobody is perfect, not even you.” 

Erwin smiled at him in gratitude. “That’s a very kind thing to say.” 

“You know I wouldn’t blow smoke up your ass if that’s what you’re implying.” 

“I suppose you’re right.” Erwin conceded. If only you knew just how wrong you are. "Let’s get on with the task at hand then, shall we?” Erwin took a deep breath and moved to his own chair. “I have reason to believe that some members of the council might have known and been sympathetic to the cause of the man that hired you to kill me.”  

“Tsk. You want me to go undercover and offer to kill you?” Levi teased. “Cause I would be more than happy to.” 

“I am sure that you would.” Erwin replied good naturedly “Fortunately for me, I have a better plan than that. Unfortunately for you, I think you are going to like it a whole lot less.” 

“Well, what is it then?” 

“I need you to come with me to the next council meeting when we ask for funding for our next expedition.”  

“You’re right: I don’t like it at all.” 

 “I wouldn’t ask you to do this for me if it wasn’t necessary. I don’t want to cause a problem. I just want to remind them of their friend’s failure.” Erwin explained.  

“And me being there will do that.” Levi said slowly.  

“Precisely.”  

“Do I have to be nice?” 

“No. In fact, be yourself. Don’t worry about social graces. You have a reputation to curate with these people.” 

“What, I’m the mean one and you’re the nice one?” Levi raised an eyebrow at Erwin. 

“No. I get taken seriously because I scheme like they do. You get taken seriously because people are slightly afraid of you.” 

“Is it really necessary?” 

“Unfortunately for you, yes.”  

“If it’s an order just say it.” Levi said in a grumpy tone. 

“I would rather not order you to do this.” Erwin paused before pivoting back to the subject at hand. “I need to give you some background on the council members. Just a few things to keep in mind. I will need a second set of eyes and ears on these people when we are there.” 

“Oh, so I am spying as well? I have to actually pay attention to them?” Levi groaned. 

“No, don’t worry. I just need to know If something stood out to you. That’s all.” Erwin reassured him.  

“Fine. But you owe me. I didn’t sign up for this you know.” 

“I will make sure the day isn’t a total loss for you.” Erwin winked at him.  

“Just don’t get Hange involved.”  

“I wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing.” Erwin smirked before adding “...again.”  

“Asshole.” They both smiled. 

[the-traveling-poet]

CH. 1 ~ The R.O.S.E.

(This fic will contain potentially sensitive themes, such as; graphic violence, strong language, alcoholism, smoking, general gore, and perhaps some sexual themes later on. I’ll be basing this fic on both the manga and the anime, as well as some added twists and turns added in by yours truly.)

A/N: I thought I’d post something for V-Day, though it isn’t romance :p

Should you like to read further ahead, I have more chapters posted here!

taglist: @21aurora @deepzombieyouth @braunsbabe @pelicanpizza (If you’d like added to the taglist for either R.O.S.E. chapters or regular Levi content, just DM me!)

Enjoy~

Previous Chapters

Dodge left. Dodge right. Duck your head, then twist forward.

Leaping up, the woman swiftly tucked in on herself and easily flew through the tangle of rough tree branches attempting to block her path. All was near silent in the gloomy forrest, causing every movement she made to bounce and echo off every nearby tree and every hill. If she dared to stop to catch her breath, she would hear nothing more than the buzz of insects inhabiting the forrest floor below and the gentle blow of the breeze sifting through the leaves of every tree around her for miles.

As it were now, rushing along high above the forrest floor, all she could truly hear was the mechanical whirls of her gear as she shot anchor after anchor into thick stems of bark, and the containers strapped to her back puffing out air to propel her forward with more momentum than she could produce from gravity alone.

It was liberating, in a way; flying so quickly through the open air as thought weightlessly, seeing the world below as though through the gaze of a young hawk above compared to the world seen seen through the eyes of a man on foot.

Had the constant reminder of the job at hand not plauged her every thought, she would have enjoyed these triweekly missions beyond the walls. But as she looked down far below her dangling feet and met the lifeless eyes of Survey Corps soldiers laying in bloody and mangled heaps, any semblance of joy faded from her eyes in an instant.

"Circle back; gather the wagons and take Bax with you." Aveline's order carried over her shoulder with the breeze, quiet so as to keep all emotion from her raspier tone.

Her comrade stiffly nodded, his widened gaze stuck on the corpses below in silent repulsion.

"Yes ma'am, Captain Aveline," the young boy replied with an attempt at a grin, crooked as it was; trying desperately to lighten the mood as he so often attempted on missions such as these.

Aveline glanced over her shoulder to toss him a sympathetic smile, knowing all too well the tell-tale signs from her cadet that told her he was particularly nervous.

"Thanks, Dione." She nodded, returning her gaze to the front.

Normally, she would be down there with the others; her squad. But ever since the incident two months back, she's resigned to patrolling their borders to keep her companions and herself safe from threats.

Briefly, Aveline came to a stop high up in the nearest pine to watch her young cadet zip away into the darkness, only the light of the moon illuminating the metal gears strapped with leather around his limbs to show her where he was. Had it not been for the subtle glow of the full moon above, she never would have known which way Dione had disappeared. Once he was out of her sight, Aveline turned her attention back to her surroundings.

On her way to this perch, she'd seen nearly thirty soldiers lying stone cold upon the unforgiving ground, remnants of the Survey Corp's latest expedition. Whispering a silent apology towards where they all lay, the Garrison Captain shot her wires into the tree behind her and began her decent to the forrest floor.

The moment her feet touched the ground, she fell into a crouch and retracted her cables. No threats occupied her nearby surroundings, making her relax only slightly.

As the distant sound of wooden wheels thumbing against rough terrain echoes louder against the hills, Aveline allowed her self a breath of relief.

So far, so good.

As her team rounded the corner and came into her vision, Aveline sheathed her blades and stood to the side of the worn path at her feet. Immediately she caught sight of young Dione Richthofen, followed closely by her second in command, Baxten Brooks. The torch the brawny man held above the heads of his comrades illuminated the face of Lyra Malik, only a few paces behind him. She was Aveline's youngest Cadet of the bunch, younger even than Dion.

The poor girl looked pale, paler than usual as her eyes shifted rapidly across every shadow the forrest provided, as she gripped the reins of her horse. For the hundredth time now the thought crossed Aveline's mind that such a young soldier deserves better than to be put in such a position as this; locating and retrieving the mangled corpses of fallen comrades.

Some of which, they might have known once. Through gashes and tears, it was hard to tell them all apart at times.

Glancing down at the body nearest her position, Aveline cringed at the thought of potentially having known this young man during her three years in boot camp. Could he be the boy she once sat by in the cramped mess hall, keeping company against the anxiety of his choice to join the Scouts?

Or perhaps the boy who had inspired the young Captain herself by swearing on his life to find freedom for his family beyond the walls, preaching to his fellow young recruits how they must fight?

In the state of the man's body now, Aveline knew she'd never know. And that's what made her job gut wrenching, on a good day.

On a bad day, she would recognize the frozen screams of terror etched onto the pale faces of soldiers she personally lifted up into her squad's wagon, only to stand before their families with what remained a day later.

The wails of a parent losing their child for a second time was a sound Aveline wished she could erase from her mind, but the image was already deeply etched into her mind, corrupting any chance she took at attempting to sleep.

Thankfully, Aveline's attention was drawn away from her thoughts as Norbert Digs, her squad's supplier, called out in frustration.

"Richthofen, slow down! You're gonna make our work harder than it needs to be!" Norbert cursed, trying his best to keep his tone even and low as he brought his steed to a stop and adjusted his cape better around his thin build.

"How? I mean...it's not like they're going anywhere," Dione slowed his steed to a stop, staring inquisitively at his comrade.

Baxten stopped just shy of being at Dione's side, smacking a hand onto the younger man's half shaven head. He didn't have to reach too high either as, despite also being on horseback, he towered over everyone present.

"You dumbass, show some respect!" He hissed, earning a squeak of surprise from the confused boy.

"If you continue to speed ahead like this, you could further trample the bodies we have to recover," Baxten continued on; his tone lighting significantly as he caught sight of the disapproving look Aveline shot his way.

Dione's wide brown eyes seemed to shine with understanding as he looked up to Baxten. The man only sighed, masking the slight humor he found in this twisted situation, and ruffled the boy's short swarthy locks before trotting ahead.

Dione fixed his hair hastily with a distressed grunt before following suit.

Sighing in exasperation, the Captain turned and scanned the half-clearing surrounding them.

"On the way here along our path, I spotted nearly thirty bodies. We'll grab them, salvage when we can, and pick up any more on our route back to the walls. We've got an hour and a half to get back before daybreak." She spoke lowly, darkened eyes only adding to the shadows crossing over her face against the moon.

Her cadets were quick to salute, a quick shout of understanding leaving them simultaneously as they adjusted their reins and took off back along the path she's scouted. They hadn't gotten far before Aveline spoke out.

"Richthofen, stay near Malik!"

Dione turned over his shoulder and grinned, riding closer to Lyra.

"Aye aye, Cap'n."

The younger girl sighed under her breath at the positive grin Dione threw her way, but said nothing in response to this order as she tucked her thin dark hair behind a pale ear and trotted on.

After one last check of her squad, Aveline changed course to scout further ahead. For yards, she found no more bodies; a sight for sore eyes, she always said.

But still, she searched in any area a body might land. How could she leave any behind, dead or alive?

Finding no further sign of decomposition after several minuets passed, she ran a hand through her hair in relief. Perhaps not as many had fallen this last expedition?

Just as she was about to turn back to aid her squad with the bodies, a deep groan reverberated off the trees. Stopping dead in her tracks, Aveline immediately fell into a crouch and gripped the handles of her blades.

Just behind her, a gust of air ruffled through her hair, warming her skin with a stench so prudent she nearly lost her concentration.

Watching the shadows shift on the ground, she waited till the last second to tuck into a roll off to her right, just narrowly missing being grasped by a pair of giant, calloused hands.

Sucking in a breath, Aveline spun on her heel in time to catch sight of the titan's face. Swiping the thick tawny hair away from her eyes, she nearly gagged.

Warty, pale skin stood out against the dark. Eyes the size of her head stared back at her curiously as its mouth gaped open with another low groan.

Gritting her teeth, Aveline didn't hesitate to unsheathe her swords and hold them at the ready.

Memories from only three weeks ago flooded her mind, making her hands shake as she stared at the very reason a quarter of her squad were no longer dedicating their hearts to humanity.

As though motivated by her distress, the titan pounced with speed it shouldn't possess, hands coated in blood long dried up reaching out towards her head.

With a grunt Aveline slid under its grasp, bringing her blades up to slice through the titan's fingers, severing them with a wet crack.

Ignoring how its blood felt soaking through her hair, Aveline staggered to her feet and shot her wires into the nearest tree. Once higher up then the titan could reach, she watched on in disgust as its fingers started to form back into place with a sickening sizzle.

Should she kill the beast now, or return to her squad? She was by no means a Scout, not anymore; could she even do it? Center of the nape, one meter deep and ten centimeters across; she remembered from boot camp. But could she follow through?

She wasn't left with much choice as the titan gave a frustrated growl and started to tear at the branches and bark of her tree.

Taking in one last deep breath, one that could very well be her last, she allowed gravity to pull her down. Switching her grip on her handles midair, she aimed towards the nape.

I'll be damned before I see more of my men go to you bastards.

Blood made her grip falter, nearly losing purchase of the cold metal in her hand. The cool night air burned her eyes, and her feet stung from the force in which she landed on the ground. Losing a breath she hadn't realized she had held the moment she fell, she peered over her shoulder. And there it lay, twitching against the grass; a chunk of its neck laying discarded in a mushy heap a few feet from its head.

Aveline watched for a moment as its body started to sizzle away, before spinning on her heel to race back to her squad.

It burned, how the titan's blood evaporated from her skin against the chill of the air rushing past her. But she couldn't afford to think of discomfort now. She had to reach her squad before another one woke up.

With pale eyes squinted against the breeze, she prayed she wouldn't be too far away, nor too late…

────────────────────────────────────────

[chrollohearttags]

silver foxes

the men who are twice your age and half the headache. The ones who show up to your doorstep, flowers in hand and gifts in the other before taking you out on a date. That’s only after he told you to go crazy with his credit card to buy the perfect dress and heels for the occasion. The kind of a man that opens your door, drapes his coat around you and even puts it on the ground so you don’t dare splash your feet with that puddle. He’s the man that teaches you never to settle or compromise on your standards…to always expect princess treatment and nothing less of being regarded as his queen. The man that has your bills paid on time on every month before you even have time to look at them and tells you put your money up because hey, he’s got your hair and nails covered too. Five star dinners, always dressed in designers and smells like Tom Ford cologne. He’s also the man that brings you home after a night out and undresses you right there in the doorway because you looked far too sexy in that tight red dress..accenting every curve on that beautiful body. He’s the man that starts out with slow, sloppy kisses that trails from your lips, neck and down to your belly button but disrespectfully devours your pussy through the seat of those panties he can’t even be vexed to pull off. Only tugging them to the side long enough to spit onto those folds. Honestly, he doesn’t see himself as your sugar daddy or anything but he can’t help but get a taste of that sweetness. Especially when it’s trickling down his chin; staining his stubble and slightly wrinkled cheeks. Right before he decides to hoist your legs midair and bounce you up and down on his cock. You’re thinking to yourself how he possibly harbors so much strength for a man who’s past middle aged but he��s fucking you so good, like someone in his prime youth that you don’t ever question his skills. You claw his back, scream his name and even come twice as he’s twisting you to his leisure. In a full nelson with your panties tucked between your teeth; that dick curving inside of you..a hand on the back of your head and pushed face down into the pillow of the couch as he gives you backshots. Who tells you ‘I know, baby..I know.” When you’re whimpering with his thumb between your lips.,The man that goes rounds with you until you’re both spent and he’s splattering your tight little cunt full of his warm seed. Who tells the Plan B and breakfast in the morning is on him but first, he’ll go run you a warm bath and get you ready for bed.

the type of man that once you start fucking with him..you’ll never go back to the ones your age.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

erwin smith, miche zacharius, levi ackerman, captain smoker, crocodile, leonard burns, kenny ackerman, worwick, silva zoldyck, gildarts, shanks, toji + anyone else you wanna add :) 🫶🏾

[lady-lauren]

Apotheosis

↬ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Fem!Reader

↬ Rating: Explicit, 18+ Only

↬ Word Count: 2.3k

↬ Warnings/Tags: breeding, talk of pregnancy, dacryphilia/tears, possessive actions, power dynamic/age gap, cum eating, excessive cum/creampie

↬ A/N: It’s been a while since I showed love to my favorite man 💕 Apotheosis: the highest point in the development of something; culmination or climax.

Tears are expected in Erwin’s world. Fat, emotional tears upon the loss of a comrade, tears of frustration at the end of a failed mission, cries of agony of a population ravaged by fear and unrest. 

But he could drown in your tears, feast on them like waters from the heavens. You’re pretty when you cry, delicate and overwhelmed, all from him and him alone. His actions, his words, his pleasure and pain.

“Take it, darling, all of it.” 

You’re barely undressed, tits spilling from the torn buttons of your uniform, leather straps of your gear pressing into the fat of your thighs as the fabric of your pants struggles at the spread of your legs. 

“C-Commander, I, please, I—” nonsense, it’s all nonsense as he flattens you against his desk, cockhead spearing through the unprepared, yet dripping folds of your cunt. 

It’s been weeks since he’s seen you. He has no patience left to spare. 

Erwin breaches the first ring of muscle into your depths, hissing through his teeth as he feels your pussy suck around him. 

He can’t even remember if he locked the door to his office before he pounced on you, his favorite little cadet. 

“Good girl,” he coos, thumbs smoothing over your ass as he bullies his way inside of you. You choke below him, sucking in air at the intrusion. 

It’s all too much, the burning spread of your cunt and the way he presses your aching breasts against the crumpled papers, fingertips mean and eager against your hips. But he adores when you get overwhelmed, gasping like you haven’t taken his cock countless times before. 

“I’ve been thinking of you,” he grunts as he bottoms out inside of you, your ass slapping against his pelvic bone, belly quivering as his cockhead brushes against the most sensitive parts of you. “I’m going to cum inside of you, darling, fill you to the fucking brim with me.” 

“Oh god,” you whine, wiggling against his hold as you come to terms with the full stretch of his length. His veins are throbbing inside of you, pulsing against your walls. He doesn’t give you the time you deserve to adjust, instead using your flesh like a toy and bouncing you back and forth on his cock. 

“I–we–I-I can’t have…we shouldn’t…” you moan and writhe below him, asschecks bouncing with every sharp thrust. 

The vision of you pledging your oath to the nation, to him, is crisp in his memory. Your fist over your chest, eyes gazing up at him from the second row of fresh cadets. He’d noticed your faith then, felt drawn to you like a moth racing toward a funeral pyre. 

He’s let himself be consumed by your dark flames, let dreams of you belonging to him, only to him, fill waking thoughts. 

“You don’t want my babies, darling? Is that it?” 

The sound that drips from your throat is sinful, longing, like his words have speared through your heart and ripped tender emotions. 

A heavy hand runs the length of your spine, stopping at the base of your neck to press you down harder, keeping you trapped below his strength. 

“Y-yes, Erwin, I–fuck, but we can’t,” your tone lingers on your opposing declaration, brave but lost. You mean it, but you don’t. 

Leaning forward, Erwin drops his lips to your ear, slowing his pace to a grind into your cunt. 

“Your pussy is desperate for me, I can feel it—you want to milk my cock, want me to fill your insides with my cum.” 

Your nails scrape at the wood in his desk, leaving lines in their wake. Your bodies are heady, sweat bleeding into cotton and leather straps catching against the press of his thighs to yours. 

“Let me tell you what I think about, darling,” he whispers wickedly, hand slipping between the press of your stomach into the edge of his desk. He is brutal with the remainder of your shirt, ripping threads and snapping buttons as he claws his way to your skin. 

“I think of you ripe with my child, my seed growing inside of this strong, perfect body. I imagine you glowing, flushed with hormones and proud at the mention that your child is mine. That I came in your body, took you, bred you.” 

Perhaps he’s being purposely crass—he wants a reaction from you, wants to feel your emotions bubble over and spill at his feet.

“Oh fuck,” you squeak below him as he continues to press into you, his cock hot and angry, his weight heavy upon your back. “I want that, god fuck I want your babies, b-but it’s so…” your thoughts trail away as the mental image becomes too much to handle—you, pregnant and showing, growing the Commander’s child in your womb. 

Erwin relents, pulling his aching cock from your cunt. He smooths his hands over your body, warm and affectionate, coddling you as he repositions to have you face him. 

“It’s too much…” your voice is soft, eyes blinking away the treacherous emotions that have settled into your psyche. 

“Look at me.” 

He says your first name as he pets your cheek, the taste of the syllables like sin on his tongue. 

“I want you,” he asserts, latching his lips to yours to prove his point, “more than you'll ever know, darling. You’re mine. You always have been.” 

He plucked you away from the Military Police the moment he laid eyes on you; requested a direct transfer to have you working below him, for him. Then he got inside of you, felt every raw desire and built an unwavering trust. Every time he’s fucked you, he’s been discreet, kept you away from prying eyes. Now he wants all eyes on you, on him, on how he’s taken you. 

Gently, he peels the tatters of your shirt from your breasts, placing hot, long licks along your nipples. You buck against him, brave hands tangling in his hair and pulling at the roots.

Taking his time with you almost feels foreign. Every fuck has been to satisfy the obession inside of him, a whirlwind of potent feelings and lust. Claiming you in the dark, a palm over your mouth, his fingers on your tongue and in your cunt.

Now he kneels before you, experienced hands unbuckling the worn scout leathers from your thighs, kissing at the grooves left behind in your tender skin. 

You awaken the most primal of needs inside of him—to have, to claim, to breed. 

The lines of his roman nose disappear between your legs, skimming along the folds of your pussy as he licks along your slit. 

“Erwin, please…” Naked, you sigh with the utmost content, head tilting back as you fall prey to all the emotions swirling in your gut.

“Please what, darling? Use your words, tell me what you want.” 

Gazing from between your thighs on his cheekbones, your slick on his tongue, his cock throbs against his pants as he watches the faintest of tears pool on the apples of your cheeks. 

He loves ruining you, overloading you with so much passion that it becomes visible. 

“Breed me. I want to feel you cum inside of me.” 

“Are you sure you’re prepared for this?” He rises to loom over you, tugging your body against his, his clothes sticking to your soft, dewy skin. “I will fill you until you can take no more, fuck you as many times as it takes to breed you properly.” 

Pupils dilated and dark, you nood, fisting your fingers around the leather strap that clings to his pectorals. 

“Please…make me yours, all yours.” 

Erwin slots between your plush thighs, golden hair falling against his brow as he shoves his cock back into your depths, groaning at the feel of you spreading for him. 

His size is to his advantage as he consumes you, bucking hips and bouncing you along his shaft. The boldness inside of you is growing, he can feel it in the way you move against him—hungry, greedy, eager to take everything he can give. 

A hand grips meanly into your thigh, while the other traces up your back, coming to rest on your jaw, keeping your gaze smoldering into his. He moves ruthlessly inside you, hips snapping against yours with every sharp, deep thrust. Little sounds leave your lips with every plunge, blissful tingles stemming from where your bodies were conjoined. He adores how he can feel the head of his fat cock dragging along your tight walls, thick veins throbbing under silken skin.

A coil of pleasure begins to tighten within his lower stomach, boiling in his balls, hot and mean, like it is ready to tear and erupt with a rush of ecstasy. You moan his name like a prayer, eyes closed tightly as you focus on the intensity of his cock thrusting inside you.

“Everyone will know,” he murmurs against your wet lips, stealing your breath, “your babies will look just like me.” 

He knows how to play you, circling your clit so perfectly with his thumb that you’re already shaking. Your lower belly clenches, all the euphoria rushing to your head and making you feel drunk.

 “God you get so fucking tight,” Erwin grunts at the feel, starting the kind of brutal pace that told you he was already aiming for the finish line, ready to fill you up and watch you drip just so he could do it all over again. 

Everything is burning, like a warm, wet glow between your legs, filled to the brim with him. You gasp and moan, little sounds you just can’t help, too overwhelmed. He stretches you so wide that you feel breathless, tears leaking down from the corners of your eyes. 

“Good girl, let it all out. I’ll take care of you, promise.”

“G-gonna cum, Erwin, fuck…”

“Me too.”

His hips still for a moment so you can both feel the way his cock pulses, forcing his seed deep into your womb. The heat breaks you along with his thumb on your clit, making you cry into his chest as you fall over the edge. Your pussy is a milking compression around him, squeezing every last drop of his cum. There’s too much to keep in, hot seed dribbles out over your pussy and around his cock to paint the inside of your thighs and make a mess against his desk. 

But he doesn’t stop. 

His cock is still hard and twitching inside of you, fat and heavy as he starts to push back deeper into you. Your head dips forward against his shoulder, one of his hands holding your neck while the other splays across your belly before moving lower. Two fingers slide along the folds of your cunt, spreading around his intrusive cock so he can feel his leaking cum. 

“Feels so good,” you mumble, “your cum feels so fucking good.” 

Erwin groans, lifting his messy fingers to your agape mouth. You take them in without question, sucking at the taste of cum and slick pooling against your tongue. He keeps your mouth stuffed with the digits, allowing you to scream around them as he picks up his pace.

He’s a man determined, sight sets on a goal. He promised to breed you, and he will. No matter how many batches of cum it takes for his seed to take hold. 

The squish of his cum spurting with every thrust is mesmerizing, breathtaking, and he can’t help but marvel at the sight of his pretty little girl taking in his cum. You’re a mess, streaked with tears and cum, spit dripping down your chin as you choke around his cum stained fingers.

Erwin removes his fingers from between your lips, angling you back so he can watch your tits bounce with every plunge of his cock. Brushing wet knuckles over your breast, he tugs on your nipple until you mewl. 

“C-Commander,” he’ll never tire of hearing his title in your mouth, “I want more.” 

“More what, darling? Tell me.” 

“More cum, god, fuck I want to drown in it.” 

In the back of his mind, Erwin is distinctly aware of sounds outside of his office door, shuffling feet and whispers. But nothing could stop him, not even God Himself could bust into the room and remove Erwin from you. He has you where he’s always wanted you—panting, weeping, begging for him to breed you, to keep you. 

He tugs you against him, using you like a little cocksleeve made to suck his cock dry. 

“One more,” he groans, “give me one more, darling. Let me feel you cum for me.”

You nod like you have any choice, pulling your thighs up farther so you can lay flat against his desk and take his onslaught. 

Long fingers circle back to your puffy clit, rolling the tender bud until you can no longer keep quiet. The feel of you is electric, spiraling, pussy spasming against him, slick gushing with every crest of pleasure that comes over your body. Your climax has you splitting apart, and also sucking him in so deeply that he can't help but to pour his load into you.

Erwin finally pulls his still throbbing cock from your cunt. You are ruined, the tightening of your belly in the aftershocks of your orgasm making cum continuously bubble out of your hole, drooling onto the edge of the desk and into his floor.

“You look so perfect covered in my cum.”

Erwin’s fingers are quickly back between your legs, making you whine as his fingertips glide over your swollen clit. He trails his fingers down your thighs, gathering what cum is still traveling down your legs. He pushes the lost cum back inside of you, making your back arch at the oversensitive feeling. Over and over again, he repeats the motion, taking his time to gather every viscous droplet and push it back into your quivering cunt.

“I expect you to meet me in my room tonight, understood?” 

“Of course, sir.” 

[mayajadewrites]

I Wish I Hated You (Levi Ackerman x Reader)

summary: You don't do second chances. Especially after you gave your heart to Levi Ackerman, and he decided to throw it away so the next person has to repair the damage. Will Levi put his ego aside and finally admit his feelings for you are far deeper than you imagined? Or is a second chance out of the question?

warnings: eventual smut, this is a slow burn

ao3

C H A P T E R O N E: G R I E F

this fanfic is inspired by ariana grande's new album: specifically the songs 'I wish I hated you', 'we can't be friends', and 'eternal sunshine'. enjoy! let me know what you think, comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated!

You wish you hated him.

The walls you let down to let him in - they need to be rebuilt brick by brick from his damage.

Levi Ackerman. 

You should've known it would end up this way. After 2 years of dating, Levi didn't want to ever get married, let alone have you move in with him. He had his house, you had yours. You slept over most of the time anyways, so what was the difference? 

Your lives are entirely different. Levi is the President of Smith Inc, along side his best friend Erwin Smith, who is the CEO. He has a large home, housekeepers, and spotless counters. You live in an apartment that's not ideal, but it's home. You've always had to work two jobs to stay afloat, even when Levi offered to give you money. You refused because you wanted to make your own income and not rely on anyone. You work at a coffee shop full time and you accept online writing gigs. Levi never understood why you cared so much about making your own money, but he accepted it. 

As you sit on your full size bed in your favorite sweatsuit, tears start to fall from your eyes. You look at your nightstand and see a small framed photo of you and Levi from his birthday last year. He doesn't like to celebrate it since it's on Christmas, but you refused to not acknowledge his birthday. You bought a tea tasting set from his favorite tea shop and set up a paint and sip at your house, but with tea.

In the photo is you and Levi, where he's sipping tea out of his favorite cup that stays at your house, and you're smiling from ear to ear. Tears fell onto the glass, covering Levi's face. You use the pad on your thumb to wipe the tear away as you put the photo in your drawer.

Levi dropped off a box of your belongings while you were at work yesterday, leaving them on your dining table. He still had a key since you haven't heard the heart to ask for it back. Your entire life with Levi was in that box. 

Your heard the vibration of your phone on your desk, the noise irritating you. It's been going off for a few hours, but you haven't had the mental capacity to answer it. 

You walked over to your desk, secretly hoping it was Levi that was trying to get in touch with you. 

Missed Call from Hange: 4

Of course its Hange. She means well, but she if nothing is persistent. 

You press 'call back' and bring the phone to your ear.

"Finally!" You heard Hange on the other side of your phone. "I've been worried sick about you." 

Hange works for Smith Inc, but she quickly became a friend to you after Levi reluctantly introduced you. 

"I'm fine." You look down at your nails that are in desperate need of a manicure.

"That's code for I'm not fine at all and Levi Ackerman broke my heart." 

You stayed silent.

"He's in a weird mood today. Like, way meaner than usual." 

"Okay..." You waited for something else to be said. "Is that why you called me? To tell me he's acting weird?"

"Well I called you 4 times to make sure you were alive. I know Levi dropped off stuff to you yesterday, I heard him talking to Erwin about it."

"What did he say?" You were more interested than you wanted to be. You shouldn't care about the man who made your entire world shatter. 

"He said that he went in your apartment and was expecting more of a mess, but that it was impeccably clean." 

You roll your eyes so far back you swear you could see the past. "I picked up a few cleaning tips from him so I clean more often now."

"He also said he wanted to see if there was any trace of another man being in there." 

"That would be none of his business. It's been a month since we broke up. He should know me well enough to know I wouldn't even let a man in my home that fast." 

"He specifically said he wants to be the only man that's ever in your apartment."

This statement surprises you. The only man? He let you let him go. He had no problem letting the last 2 years obliterate into the universe. "Well that's not gonna happen. What's done is done, and I don't do second chances. I'll get the key back from him." 

"You can try." Hange laughs. "Anyways, lets get drinks after work! I know you're off today." 

You wince at the thought of getting ready and leaving your house. "Hange." 

"Come on. I've let you rot in your bed for a month." 

"Fine." You sigh. "Our usual spot?"

"You got it. See you soon!" Hange swiftly hung up. Everyone needs a friend like Hange - one that will let you sulk but will bring you back out of the dark place you were in. 

Once 5pm hit, you grabbed your purse and looked at yourself in the full length mirror. You opted for a cropped white sweater, subtly ripped jeans and leopard loafers. Your hair was styled in lose waves that cascaded halfway down your back. You sighed looking at yourself, unfamiliar with the reflection. You've been depriving yourself of self care, letting your mind be consumed with thoughts of Levi: Why did he let you leave him? Did he ever care for you? Did he ever love you?

Your thoughts were interrupted by a text from Hange.

Hange: I'm heading over now!

You: Me too. 

You pull up to the bar - watching Hange's car pull up at the same time. "Hi gorgeous!" She practically jumped on you. "You clean up so nice!"

"Thanks, Hange. This is the first time I've gotten actually dressed in weeks." 

You and Hange share laughs and drinks, finally letting yourself let loose. After being so consumed by your own thoughts, it's nice to let your mind be at ease with the help of alcohol. 

You're on your 3rd drink when you watch the door open to the bar and you see the raven haired man that destroyed your life.

[arteastica]

early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (1)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (2) | (3) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (8) | (9) | (10) | (11) | (12) | (13) | (14) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (19) | (20) | (21) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.) slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters). no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 2.1k

One could say it was the most important night of that summer. Even the cloudless sky had allowed the stars to witness the scene unfolding beneath, and only the occasional barking of faraway dogs interrupted the silence. It was the night decisions were awaiting to be made. The type of life-defining decisions that no teenager should ever be expected, or rather forced, to make. Luckily for you, you were a couple of years ahead, ahead enough to not be considered a teenager anymore. And maybe this was the reason why looking around and seeing the tightly clenched fists, trembling jaws, and sweaty foreheads of your 15-year-old Training Corps classmates made you realize that you honestly didn’t know what you were doing in the middle of it all.

The choice was simple for those who actually had one. As it was tradition, the top ten students of the class would be allowed to choose the best out of the three options presented: to join the Military Police and enjoy the safety and commodities that came with life in the innermost wall, to settle for a more humble lifestyle by doing whatever it is that they do in the Garrison, or to put their lives in the line for humanity in the Survey Corps. With young brains still under construction, no one could be trusted to make the right call. The definition of ‘right call’ being ‘one you wouldn’t regret years in the future, or next week when a titan had you in their grip.’ However, you believed that joining the Military Police came with significantly lower risks of regret. And that’s why the MP was the one you were aiming for. Or would have, if you were part of that coveted top 10. That would have been ideal.

Ideal. In an ideal world, no one would have to make such a crucial decision at that age. In fact, there wouldn’t even be crucial decisions to make, in the first place. But this wasn’t an ideal world. It was far from that. A quick glance around at the faces you had gotten used to seeing for the last 3 years was enough of a reminder, in case you had forgotten. But who could forget? All of them standing next to you had either lost someone or everyone precious in their lives when the Wall fell. Luckily for you, however, you had your immediate family alive and well in the capital. And although you didn’t own enough wealth to be accepted into the social circles of the rich, you lived a comfortable life, and most importantly, a safe one. That’s why it came as a shock to your family when you enlisted as a-

“We will reach that basement in Shiganshina. However, this requires us to retake Wall Maria”

Retake what? Your backstory was left pending for another night. Because, before you could start narrating it to yourself, a solemn, modulated voice pulled you out of your thoughts, your head instinctively turning to the stage to locate the source. And that was the first time you saw him: The 13th commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith himself.

“But with the Trost gate permanently sealed, we’ll have to take the long way around from Karanes in the east”

You had heard stories about Erwin Smith. A man of unyielding drive, an iron-willed leader, a liberator, you believed you heard someone called him once. And of course there was also ‘reckless’, ‘demented’, and ‘out of it’, all of which were adjectives commonly tied to his name, especially in the capital. ‘Insane’ was your father’s preferred one, usually heard around dinner time when the topic of Erwin Smith’s latest outrageous expedition somehow found its way into the family table. And you remembered feeling sorry for the man on more than one occasion. Because, from the safety of your Sina home, the closest titan surely miles away, as you fluffed pillows and slipped under warm blankets of undisturbed rest, you had struggled to think of anyone living a more different lifestyle to yours than the commander of the Survey Corps, that one man relentlessly trying to attain the unattainable: to free humanity from the walls.

“It seems the four years we spent preparing a route for an invasion force have gone to waste”

And that night he also seemed to be trying to attain the unattainable: convincing a group of frightened individuals to join a suicide squad.

“In those four years, more than sixty percent of the Legion’s forces lost their lives”

You wondered if there was at least a single easy thing in the man’s life.

“Sixty percent in four years. An insane figure”

His voice was controlled and pleasant to listen to. Even though the things he was talking about were far from pleasant. Life scouting beyond the walls sounded as rough as it probably was. And you guessed that there was no way to make it sound appealing, no silver linings to be mentioned or talked about.

“Any trainees who join us will participate in next month’s expedition beyond the walls”

You had heard that his branch was in desperate need for new recruits, yet you could tell he had decided to let honesty do the talking that night. Because not even when discussing the dire prospect of survival of a Survey Corps member…

“We estimate thirty percent will not return”

…not even then he seemed tempted to make false promises.

“And in four years, most new recruits will be dead”

In fact, the more he spoke, the more honest and raw his words seemed to get. And while, so far, he hadn’t mentioned a single appealing thing about joining his cause, you felt you were beginning to understand it…

“But those who make it through that hell will become superior soldiers, capable of surviving anything”

You see, you had heard all the stories, but you had never seen the man before. And rumors had left out the part about how compelling he was. As he extended an open invitation to a potentially deadly celebration, his voice had a commanding yet gentle feel to it, the type associated with reliable leaders. He had an enthralling demeanor to him, the one that’s used to persuade. His words were softly spoken but rose-thorn sharp. There was something about him, the way he spoke, and carried himself. Erwin Smith certainly looked like someone who could talk the winter into skipping a year, or the rain into waiting until he got home. So yes, you were starting to get it...

“Now you have the cold, hard facts.”

After all the contemplations, it finally clicked.

“Any still willing to risk their lives, remain here.”

It makes sense you thought, why men followed him to their deaths.

“Ask yourselves, am I willing to offer my beating heart for humanity?”

Why they ‘dedicated their hearts’ as they say.

“That is all.”

Erwin Smith was intriguing. Very intriguing.

“All of you wishing to join other branches are dismissed.”

Muffled footsteps brought you back from the realm of thought. You looked around to find the previously full plaza now more than half-empty. You could hear Reiner’s heavy breathing beside you. Jean fiddling with his shirt behind you. Sasha clicking her teeth to your left. And despite the close proximity between your bodies, it all sounded so distant. As if you had been thrown underwater.

“Are you willing to die if I ordered to?”

Erwin Smith’s question, on the contrary, felt as if it had been whispered right into your ear. It felt personal and targeted. And for a brief second you forgot that, although almost everyone had already left, you were still not the only one in the plaza.

I don’t want to die. You answered in your head.

“I like the looks on your faces” You heard him say.

I don’t want to die. You repeated as you picked up your pace to catch up to Hitch at the entrance of the plaza.

“What took you so long?” she asked when you finally joined her.

“I hereby welcome you all to the Survey Corps!”

You heard Erwin Smith’s voice, now nothing more than a faint sound blending with the rustling leaves and getting carried away by the wind, as you and Hitch made your way back to the barracks.

-

“Did you hear almost all the top students joined the Survey Corps last night?” Hitch sounded particularly excited and jolly that morning. A huge smile plastered on her face.

“Did they?” You didn’t want to let yourself get too hopeful. But Hitch’s enthusiasm was contagious.

“Yep! And you know what that means right?” Your roommate gave you a cheeky grin “There might be a spot left for us at the MP after all!”

You were sure there most certainly was a spot for Hitch. But for you, that was a whole different story. You were no Mikasa. You were no Reiner. And given the fact that your physical capabilities were pretty average, even a little below that on bad days, you were certain you weren’t even in the top 20.

“Jeez. Woman, please look excited! We are set for life!”

She is set for life. “I’m not sure I’ll make the cut. It was the physical aptitude test-”

“Who cares? To hell with that test. What would you need stamina for inside Wall Sina anyway? I heard they don’t even use ODM in the MP. In our first year, maybe we’ll have to run after one of those random idiots who steal papayas from the street stalls, but I’m sure we can manage that much”

You laughed at the thought “You catch him. I’ll write the report”

“Deal!” she said “but once we climb up the ranks…” her eyes lit up with ambition as a result of whatever was going through her head. And you could tell she was plotting something questionable. But before you could start prying she added “Plus you did well everywhere else.”

She was right. While your physical performance wasn’t necessarily stellar, your academics were very good. As an overthinker, often worrying too much about too many, you overstudied for tests like no one in your class did, and your efforts often resulted in excellent marks.

“You’re right. Everyone save Shadis left something nice in my report card. Nothing personal, I’m sure”

Hitch nodded enthusiastically, clearly satisfied with herself because her words were having the effect she intended. And they really were, your head was starting to pitch more and more ideas to support the possibility that maybe, just maybe, you would be able to join the Military Police.

“You know what? You’re right, Hitch. We’ll join the MP and we’ll be on our way to the capital tomorrow.”

Wrong. Later that day, as you held the application paper in one hand, fountain pen in the other, you couldn’t help but snort when imagining how foolish you must have looked that morning, believing you would be back home as a member of the MP brigade. But there was no use in reminiscing now. You needed to focus and make the second best choice.

But focus for what? The only available options for you were the Garrison and the Survey Corps. And the choice was plain and obvious, wasn’t it? The Garrison wasn’t cool or anything but it was safe. Except, of course, for that incident from a couple of weeks ago, when that random titan showed up again, and tried to obliterate Trost District. Luckily for you, however, you had been assigned to assist with the relocation of the citizens once they entered Wall Rose, so you didn’t even have to see any titan at all. That had been a rare occurrence. And with the Survey Corps, the chances of survival were significantly lower. Zero for someone with your physical capabilities.

Are you willing to die if I ordered to?

Erwin Smith’s words from the night before showed up uninvited.

Those who make it through that hell will become superior soldiers, capable of surviving anything.

You could hear his solemn voice loud and clear, even one day later.

I like the look on your face.

Your hand now hovered dangerously over the ‘Survey Corps’ box, centuries worth of handed-down survival instincts forgotten in the blink of an eye.

I don’t want to die.

Your brain repeated as a last resort, right before the ink found the paper.

I don’t want to die.

Now it sounded like a complain more than a petition.

I hereby welcome you to the Survey Corps.

You heard him say, somewhere inside your head, as you turned in your application and walked away.

-

next chapter

[captainleviswifee]

The Ackerman Archives

A little bit about me F/she/her | 2,000 years old basically your ancestor lol | writer | artist

My works are mainly all about Levi but I also do some things on the side for other characters as well. The asks are open for other characters though they won't be prioritized and I had to study the canon personalities of those characters first. | I like isekai and its concept. It became my little escape writing isekai ideas because the world we live in sucks.

Are you ready to be isekai'd?

A Transmigrator's Records to Surviving in Attack on Titan Universe (TRSAoT) Levi x Isekaid Fem! Reader Tags: Isekai'd Fem Reader, strong female protagonist, slow burn, plot-driven, canon compliant, canon divergence at the end of S3, eventual romance, angst, betrayal, smart female protagonist, Survey Corps officer Reader, time travel

TRSAoT | The private journal

Fanart - NSFW. Levi x OC (Eve) Tags: OI OI OI, what are you doing in this section! You shouldn't be reading into the officers' private lives!

One shot Levi fics! (Soon, open for asks!) Canon Universe (CU) - Canon Levi | Birthday Levi - CU Levi | If you dare...

AU Levi - AU Levi | Treat you better... - AU Levi | Summer heats...

Headcanons and ramblings Levi - Levi and relationship head canons AoT characters - How would AoT characters react to your ramen

TRSAoT | Chapter/Arc Illustrations - (Soon) Levi and OC Fanarts! - Levi Birthday Special (WIP) - Levi Birthday Special! - OC/Reader Character design - OC and Levi in ODM gear (also a commission price packages with art showcase) - Levi portrait (lineart, final) - Levi x OC fanart "Straddling" - His Aphrodite, Levi fan art

AOT Character Fanarts Erwin Smith Erwin Smith portrait 2

Commissions!

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NOTE: I'm not really comfortable with you minors engaging with my content. Y'all practically infants/babies to me. All x Reader fics and works of mine are intended for adults only. So maybe you kids wait a bit more years before you go here. Heichou will not be happy to see you kids here.

My Instagram | Twitter (i dont go there anymore lol) | Youtube (Art/fanart/gameplays) | Fiverr

[crazychaoticizzy]

Good Grief Part II

Erwin Smith X Reader

Sometimes, the things that seem good for us cause us the most grief, and that is why we should always think through our decisions.

WARNINGS: canonverse, angst, insecurity, death, smut, breeding, creampie, fingering, pregnancy, gaslighting, MINORS DNI

Word Count: 10.5k

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<< previous part

It was after you opened the front door, cheeks wet and eyes bloodshot, that Erwin realized this isn’t the life he was meant for.

You cleared your throat, wiping your cheeks as you leaned against the doorframe. You held the door against you, treating Erwin like a stranger that had come to your house.

Marie was with Benjamin in the living room, sitting on the floor and softly tickling his stomach. She had managed to visit after you wrote to her, which was more than Erwin had done for his own son.

“Hi, my love.” You had to force it out, and God that hurt so bad because even after everything you still loved him. You still missed the touch of his hand and the feel of his skin against yours and the sound of his voice.

Erwin opens his mouth to speak, apologize, beg for forgiveness, something, but his words fall flat and he’s left looking like an idiot in front of his own house. You stand in awkward silence, your fingers tapping against the door.

Your head turns at the sound of crying, and you see Marie pick Benjamin up, softly cooing at him. She stands, rocking the baby and quietly shushing him.

“Is that . . .” Erwin doesn’t get to finish his sentence because you’ve already left the doorway, reaching out for Benjamin and cradling him in your arms.

Erwin takes a slow step into his house, not knowing what to do with himself. Marie stands to the side, lost in thought and biting her nails. She turns her head when she hears Erwin’s footsteps, and her nose crinkles at the sight of him.

She looks away before Erwin can think anything of it.

You sit in a chair, quietly talking in an attempt to calm Benjamin. You softly stroke his cheek with your thumb and hold him close to you, thinking about why he might be upset before his cries slowly come to a stop.

He just wanted your attention.

That seems to be a common thread in this small family.

You glance over at Erwin as you hold your son against your chest, not knowing how to feel as he watches you. Benjamin tugs on your hair, and you turn your head to get it out of his hand before he puts it in his mouth.

Erwin comes up behind you, quietly and cautiously. He puts a hand on your shoulder, and you might be mad at him—so incredibly pissed at the audacity of your husband—but God you would be lying if you said his touch didn’t still make you swoon.

You try your best to ignore Erwin’s touch, anything to show that his actions have consequences and he can’t expect you to just forgive him so easily. Except no matter how hard you try you can’t help but lean into his burning touch. Because it had been so long since you had this skin to skin contact, and it felt so good.

You glance up at Marie, discreetly telling her with your eyes that she should leave for a bit. You wordlessly bicker, but finally she rolls her eyes and leaves, announcing her plans to go to the market.

Erwin waits until the front door closes before he sits in the chair beside yours. His arm rests against the table, his hand closed in a fist as he rubs the pads of his forefinger and thumb together.

He watched you interact with his son. He takes note of the small smile you give when he laughs, tired eyes crinkling at the corners. You reach for a handmade doll on the table, showing it to Benjamin before he takes it from your grasp and begins gnawing at its head. You lay him on the table, fingers gently running across his stomach to draw giggles from him.

“What’s his name?” Erwin asks, which was such a stupid thing to do because you turn your attention away from Benjamin and look at Erwin with a faded smile. He can see it in your eyes, every time you lose just a little bit of faith in him. Even when he can’t physically see you, he always closes his eyes to see your look of defeat every time he writes a letter telling you he won’t be coming home for longer than expected.

“I told you in the letters.” Letters that Erwin doesn’t read. Every time he gets a new one he smiles and sets it on his bed as a reminder to read it later. But he never does, because some pathetic excuse makes itself present.

He realizes now that he really should read your letters.

“Right.” He nods, running his hand over the lower half of his face in an attempt to look like he’s thinking.

Your eyes move away from him, going back to your baby’s wandering gaze as he looks up at the ceiling.

“It’s Benjamin,” you softly say. “I hope you like it.”

Erwin stares at your face. He thinks the soft smile that paints itself on your lips is beautiful, but it’s not directed at him. That breaks his heart just a little bit because barely even a year ago the brightest smile he had ever seen came from you when you got married.

And now, he isn’t even part of the reason your smile seems so radiant and proud.

Benjamin yawns, his eyes drooping as he continues gnawing on the head of his doll. You glance out the window as the sound of a church bell fills the air, counting how many times it rings before the last sounds dissipate from the air.

You stand, carefully picking Benjamin up as you push in your chair. “It’s about time for him to nap,” you simply said, glancing up at Erwin. “Do you want to . . ?”

You leave the question floating in the air, unfinished. You aren’t even sure if you should have asked, but you’re glad that you did when Erwin hesitantly nods.

Your lips slightly curl, not enough for Erwin to notice, but enough for you to think you might still be in love with him.

You hold Benjamin close to you, resting his head against your chest and lightly tapping his bottom to the beat of your heart. You learned rather quickly that made him go out like a light whenever he was tired, and soon enough you were taking careful steps to your bedroom where his crib waited.

Erwin followed, quietly marveling at the way you gingerly lay Benjamin in the crib, your touch lingering on his face as you smooth down his eyebrow before pulling away.

Hardly even four months old and your son already has eyebrows that resemble his father’s.

You feel Erwin’s eyes boring into you, and you turn your head. He stands hesitantly in the doorway, tapping his fingers against the frame. You beckon him to come closer, and he does. He takes silent steps across the wooden floor and stands beside you, looking down at his sleeping son for the first time.

A pang goes through his heart, because God how could he ever let you deal with this on your own. Sure, Anastasia and Marie had come to help, but that should have been him. It should have been his hand you squeezed instead of Anastasia’s as you gave birth, and it should have been him that you spent your days with instead of alone or with Marie.

But no. So far the only thing he had provided for you was tears, and he realizes then that he must have been the reason you were crying when you opened the door for him.

You allow your gaze to rest on him as he gazes down at your baby. Your eyes trail along his silhouette, following the outline of his nose and lips. He’s still tall and handsome as ever, and you hope that’s something about him that will never change.

“Why did you knock?” you whisper. Erwin tears his gaze away from Benjamin. Standing this close to him, you can see the specks of brown that circle his pupils in both eyes.

Erwin swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing as he speaks. “I wasn’t sure that I was welcome.”

It’s silent after he says that. You take his hand, running your thumb across his knuckles. “This is your house, too. You’re always welcome. No matter what.”

Erwin squeezes your hand and that’s when you notice the roughness of his fingertips. You notice his jaw is clenched when he isn’t speaking and the way he runs a hand through his neat hair in visible distress.

He lets out a shaky exhale. “I’m so sorry. I promised I would be there.”

“You should have been. But you’re here now.” It’s silent for a moment, and you decide you should probably step out of the room before you accidentally wake Benjamin.

You close the door behind you, leaving it open a bit to let air travel through the room but also to hear if Benjamin wakes up.

“Please try to make an effort,” you say once the two of you had started walking down the hall. “I know that being a scout is demanding and obviously you have more important things to worry about, but you have a son now. You need to be in his life at least a little bit.”

You resumed your former seat at the table, crossing your arms and leaning back in your chair as Erwin sat beside you. “If Anastasia can manage to visit me every now and then I’m sure you can, too.”

Erwin nods, and a silent agreement is made. You two sit in silence before you stand up and grab a bunch of fabric and needles, beginning to work on them at the table. He watches you work, takes note of the way you hardly even wince when you accidentally stab yourself, and he wonders how he could ever leave you again.

—

When Erwin holds Benjamin for the first time, he thinks that maybe he was never meant to be a dad.

Because Benjamin starts squirming and crying and pushing his father away, and Erwin is scared he’ll drop him before you take him in your arms.

“He’s like that with everyone. He just- He needs to get used to you,” you say, choosing your last words carefully. Except it didn’t really matter what you said, because he could still feel his heart crack.

He watches you rub Benjamin’s arm, muttering nonsense to him as you smile. You stand so close to Erwin that he can feel the heat of your skin through his clothes, and he can’t help but tentatively put a hand around your waist to pull you even closer.

And, by some miracle from god, you let him. As foolish as it might be, you lean into his touch and give him a soft smile, turning your body so Benjamin is closer to his father.

You might be frustrated with your husband, but that doesn’t mean your child should be unfamiliar with his own flesh and blood.

You softly take Erwin’s hand, lifting it so it enters Benjamin’s field of vision. He takes it, squeezing Erwin’s pointer finger in his small hand.

“That’s your daddy,” you say, and you think that Erwin must think you’re crazy for talking to someone that can’t even understand you yet. You laugh when Benjamin puts Erwin’s finger in his mouth, gnawing at it like he does with everything else.

Erwin’s heart swells, because Benjamin looks up and leans back, his head falling on Erwin’s chest. Erwin swears he’s never felt anything like he did when he looked down, seeing Benjamin’s big eyes looking up at him.

“Daddy’s been gone for a while, but he’ll be here more often,” you say, smiling. “He’ll have to leave a lot, but he’ll always be back, I promise. And you’ll love him.” You pause, leaning forward to leave a soft kiss on Benjamin’s forehead. “Just like I do.”

Because you do. Anything he does will end up being forgiven because you love him that much.

Marie came back hours later It was right before the sun had started to set, and you and Erwin were sitting close together on the couch. Erwin was smiling down at Benjamin, and you were staring at Erwin. You had a small smile on your face, and Marie remembers thinking that you forgave him too easily.

Later that night, when Benjamin had been put to bed and it was about time you go to sleep as well, you’re hesitant to change in front of Erwin. There are stretch marks on your stomach and breasts that you wish you didn’t have, and you don’t want your husband to see you as any less because of them.

So you change facing away from him, but once your blouse is off he slips his hands around your waist and kisses the top of your head. He presses his face into your hair, taking a deep breath.

“I am so sorry,” he whispers. “So, so sorry that I ever left you alone. I promised I would put you first, and I didn’t.”

You froze, because you hadn’t expected him to be so close. You hold your blouse to your chest, hoping the action is subtle enough to hide yourself.

“Thank you for giving me another chance,” Erwin continues. He slowly turns you around, making you tilt your head up to make eye contact with him. He takes your hands in his, bringing them to his lips and softly kissing your knuckles. “I’ll be better this time. I swear it.”

“You said that last time.”

“I know. But I mean it this time. I’ll take the breaks I’m given and spend time with you and Benjamin.”

You sigh, slipping your hands out of his. Your head hurts, and you lift a hand to press against your forehead in an attempt to relieve the pain.

But Erwin’s fingers ghost over your waist and you know you fucked up because now he saw the stretch marks and there’s no covering or hiding them and God he’s not going to think you’re pretty anymore and-

“What are these?” he asks, his eyes traveling up to meet yours. “Are you hurt?”

You shake your head, taking a deep breath to clear your thoughts as you toss your blouse in a pile of dirty clothes. “No. It’s, uhm, it’s from being pregnant. They’re just stretch marks, it’s nothing.”

Sometimes Erwin knows exactly what you’re thinking. Sometimes he’ll be able to pinpoint exactly how you’re feeling and why, and you can never figure out why he doesn’t use that ability all the time.

This was one of those times, because he leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to your temple and said, “You’re gorgeous, darling.”

And that just made you feel like you could rule the world.

—

Erwin held up on his promise. He came home when he was supposed to and stayed for as long as possible before leaving again. You had started to become the perfect family you wanted to be, finally having the husband you had married and the unexpected life you had come to love.

You had watched your son grow together, a few years passing before he was already looking up to his father. Benjamin decided at a young age that he was going to join the military, hoping to join the same branch as Erwin and to one day serve under him.

There were times, of course, that Erwin brought his work home and worked tirelessly at the dining table. He would wave you off when you talked to him while he was working, but he always made sure to pay attention when Benjamin wanted to show or tell him something.

Sure, he might not have been the husband you were originally hoping for, but he was the best father you could have asked him to be and you were grateful for that. He was patient and kind and understanding, and when Benjamin brought up his dreams to Erwin one night at dinner, Erwin looked up from his papers. He stared at Benjamin for a moment before he cracked a smile.

He had stacked his papers, putting them to the side and directing all his attention to Benjamin. You had smiled, but some sinking feeling in your heart made you hesitant to agree when Erwin said he’d teach Benjamin how to become a Scout. But you didn’t want to be that person. You wanted your son to know that you would always support him, no matter how old he was.

But maybe wanting to join the Scout Regiment at the young age of five wasn’t the brightest idea.

“He’ll be fine, darling. It’s probably just a phase he’ll grow out of in a couple weeks, if even that long.”

You sighed, closing your eyes and leaning against him as he massaged your shoulders. You’d been stressing over this so much you hadn’t even allowed yourself time to change into more comfortable clothes. “But he’s five. I’m scared that if we feed into this he won’t grow out of it and then it’ll all spiral into this big thing.”

Erwin softly laughs, kissing the back of your head. “You just said he’s five. Plenty of five-year-olds go through a million phases of what they want to be when they grow up.”

“Most parents shrug it off, though. You’re actually going to be involved in trying to help him achieve this goal.”

Erwin’s hands travel down your arms, grabbing your hand and spinning you around. He softly kisses your lips. “I won’t teach him anything actually useful. It’ll be more like playful roughhousing.”

You let out a breath. Something was telling you this was a bad idea, but you weren’t sure if it was a genuine gut feeling or just the anxiety of a mother. But you do give in, because you trust your husband to keep your son safe and keep him in line.

“Alright.” Erwin kisses you again, slow and carefully like he used to. You hum when you feel his hands on your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, and you softly gasp when he lifts you up effortlessly.

You say his name, but it barely comes out as a breath. He sits on the bed, placing you in his lap so you straddle him. Your skirt had bunched up around your hips, and you softly gasped when you felt that he was hard.

Your eyes fluttered shut as he began kissing your neck, starting at the empty space behind your ear and slowly moving down to the hollow of your throat. His hands traced along your torso, slowly undoing the laces holding your dress together.

The room heats up as you begin peeling each other’s clothes off. Your breaths are hot as you exchange steamy kisses, quietly moaning against each other.

“What about Benjamin?” you ask, now lying bare beneath him. You undo the last button on his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders and tossing it to the side. You smile as he kisses you, running your hands across his shoulders and along the hard planes of his chest.

“He was rather adamant about sleeping on his own tonight,” Erwin says against your collarbone. “I think we can do something before he realizes he can’t do it.”

You softly laugh, humming as he kisses your lips again. He moves your hands so they’re above your head, holding them down by your wrists as his other ghosts along your side. The touch makes you shudder in anticipation, every single nerve ending in your body catching fire and giving you goosebumps.

You gasp when you feel his middle finger slide up your slit, teasing you by dragging it along painfully slow. Erwin was always so attentive, always such a fast learner that stored information for later use.

You’re thankful for that, because the way his thumb draws circles on your clit as he pushes a finger inside makes you hope you’ll actually have an orgasm this time.

Your breath hitches as he slowly thrusts his finger inside, bent and gliding along your walls. You press your lips together, muffling a moan when you feel his ring finger poke at your entrance before entering as well. You can feel the wedding band on his finger, the coldness of it a stark contrast to everything else. It makes you keen his name just a bit too loud, and Erwin stops all movement to listen.

After a moment where nothing happens, he shushes you. “We can’t have Benjamin walking in, can we?”

You shake your head, looking up at him with pleading eyes. His fingers curl inside you again and he chuckles at the soft gasp that leaves your lips.

"We have to be quiet, my love,” he whispers against your lips. “I don’t want you making any loud sounds.”

You let out a breath as he removes his fingers, and you watch as he lifts his hand to his mouth and drags his tongue across his fingers. You feel hot under his piercing gaze, feeling so needy and weak. He cracks a smile as you squirm under him, hoping to alleviate some of the tension you’re feeling.

He lets go of your wrist to straighten himself out. You watch as he unbuckles his belt, slipping it out of the loops and his hand. The buckle clangs against the floor, making both you and Erwin freeze and listen.

“What happened to being quiet?” you tease, a smile playing on your lips.

The tips of his ears turn red as he unbuttons his pants and takes them off. He lets them fall on the floor with the rest of your discarded clothes before he’s on top of you again, pressing his lips to yours in a slow sensual kiss that leaves you lightheaded.

“What do you want, darling?” he mumbles between kisses. His hands had gone back between your legs, the tips of his fingers giving slow strokes to your pussy that made it hard to focus.

“I-I want you inside me,” you say, softly gasping when he removes his fingers and pokes his tip at your entrance. “Please.”

“How could I say no to my pretty wife?” he muses, pushing in just the tip. That alone was enough to have you softly moaning, and Erwin kisses you again to muffle your noises.

He continued to gradually push in, stopping when his hips were flush against yours to let you adjust. When you finally nod, practically begging him to move he slowly pulls back before pushing inside again.

It makes you shudder, your hair standing on end as he slowly thrusts into you. You long for more—you want him to fill you completely and make you feel the same way you did your first night together.

And maybe, you want the product again.

“Erwin, I want another baby.” It barely comes out as a whisper, but your words make your husband’s thrusts falter.

“You want another one?” His breath is hot against your neck as you nod, your fingers entwining with his. He plants openmouthed kisses against you, and the way he suddenly hits against that one spot inside leaves you breathless.

You moan just a bit too loud, biting down on your lip to silence yourself. Erwin lets out an amused breath, but he finds himself holding back a groan as he comes closer and closer to the edge.

“I’ll give you that baby if you’re quiet,” he says. It barely registers because this just feels so different than the first time and you aren’t sure how to string together a proper sentence. You simply nod, closing your eyes as the bedframe silently creaks with every movement.

“The bed,” you softly remind, your breath catching.

“I know, I know. We’re almost there, love. Almost . . .”

He groans against you, and you would remind him that you needed to stay quiet if your head weren’t in the clouds.

He comes first, his warm cum filling you so much it starts to drip out. He keeps going, though, determined to get his wife to finish around his cock no matter how long it takes.

And it doesn’t take long, because Erwin brings his hand down to where you’re connected and starts rubbing slow, languid circles on your clit.

You gasp, going silent as you clench around him. Erwin slows his thrusts, riding out your high with you until you’re nothing more than a puddle beneath him. Your chest rises and falls with every breath your take, your nipples brushing against his as you gather yourselves.

“Think we can go again?” he quietly jokes, making you chuckle.

Erwin slips out of you, pushing himself off the bed and grabbing you a comfortable nightdress to change into while he grabs a towel to clean you up and a glass of water.

You don’t move for a moment after he leaves, a soft smile on your face as you replay the scene in your head, thinking that maybe you can be the loving family you wanted.

—

You listen to Benjamin’s story intently, laughing when he tells you about his new friend Alexander and something he did. He hasn’t been able to stop talking about him, his eyes wide and excited whenever he so much as mentions Alexander.

The day is warm, the bright sun beating down on everyone outside. You keep the front door open to let fresh air pass through your house, so you notice when Erwin walks in. He takes slow, heavy steps, closing the door behind him and sitting at the dining table.

Benjamin immediately jumps up next to him, greeting Erwin with a smile and sparkling eyes. Erwin smiles back, ruffling Benjamin’s hair. You can tell the smile is forced, though. He doesn’t want to be bothered and you don’t want him to be more overwhelmed than he is, so you step closer and softly place your hand on Benjamin’s back.

“Why don’t you go out, sweetheart?” you say kindly. “ Try and make new friends, yeah?”

Benjamin nods, seemingly excited by the idea and already on his way to the door. He leaves it open behind him, knocking it into the wall with a quick “Sorry!” before he runs off. You shake your head and roll your eyes, deciding to leave it open while you begin brewing tea for Erwin.

He’s silent, his gaze fixated on the hole in the table. You turn to glance at him as you boil the water, the silence so unbearable you have to talk.

“Benjamin made a new friend.” The kettle whistles, so you pour its contents into a tea cup and put a tea bag in it, waiting for it to steep. “It’s the neighbor’s kid—Alexander I think his name is? He introduced me yesterday before he ran off with him. He seems nice, I’m glad Benjamin finally found-”

“Anastasia’s dead.”

You pause, the words you were saying dying on your tongue as you processed Erwin’s words. Your hands fell to the counter, trying to find something to ground yourself.

“What?” Your voice was quiet, small, barely anything more than a squeak.

“She- A titan got her while we were out and-” Erwin paused, clearing his throat. If he said anything else after that you weren’t listening, your mind clouding with images of Anastasia trying her best to escape the titan’s hold. You imagined her kicking and screaming and-

Tears rolled down your cheeks and you choked out a sob. You bent over the counter, gripping your hair from the roots and pulling. Your breath escaped you, and you found it increasingly difficult to gather yourself.

You crumpled to the floor, leaning against the counter. Your tears were so hot, practically burning your cheeks as they fell. Your clothes suddenly felt too tight and you were suffocating. You gave yourself a headache with how hard you pulled on your hair, trying to give yourself something else to cry about but only adding more pain.

So hot and uncomfortable and your heart hurts and you just want everything to stop. Stop stop stop.

You’re not sure how long you were there, just you and Erwin in the dining room mourning. It wasn’t until you heard Benjamin giggling outside the door with his friend that you gathered yourself. You choked on deep breaths as you stood, facing the wall and wiping your eyes.

You slowly exhaled just as Benjamin walked through the door. He spoke loudly with Alexander, speaking nonsense you couldn’t understand until you took another deep breath and listened.

“No, I’m going to join the Scouts and become the best Scout like Dad and then everyone will love me!” Benjamin threw his hands up, causing Alexander to throw his hands up as well. They both cheered loudly as you closed your eyes, trying to stop the flow of more tears.

Something in the air shifted. Your eyes met Erwin’s and a silent agreement was made.

No child of yours was joining the military. You didn’t care how much they hated you, you would not risk the loss of anyone you love.

—

Anastasia’s death is what led to the second rut of your marriage, and something told you this one would be harder to get out of.

Erwin was hardly ever home, and even when he was he was working. He had made the spare room into an office, spending every hour he could looking over maps and writing in journals and doing god knows what.

You couldn’t get his attention. No matter what you did you never got more than a half-assed, “I’m busy,” or “Tell me later.”

You cried and cried and cried, and it got to the point where you weren’t sure if you were mourning the loss of your friend or because you were so painfully lonely.

You and Benjamin slept in the same bed, and every night you held him close in hopes of feeling just a little less lonely. He would stay there even when Erwin was home and the three of you shared a bed.

It was only a downward spiral, a cycle of tears and pain. You had confirmed you were pregnant again once you started showing, and your anxiety steadily grew as the months came and went. You weren’t sure if Erwin would be there when this baby was born, so you did everything in your power to make sure you, at least, would be ready.

You might not have been entirely on your own, but Benjamin was five. You don’t think a five-year-old is the best way to cope.

You would talk to Marie, but at some point she had gone off and eloped with Nile, practically leaving you in the dust. You had no idea where she was or what she was doing.

And God, you would rather be eaten by a titan a hundred times over before you ever even considered contacting your parents. You had barely thought about them since you ran off in the middle of the night. Besides, they likely didn’t even consider you their daughter anymore.

So you were stuck with nowhere to put your grief and no one to talk to. You kept it bottled up until Benjamin was out with his friends. That was when you would break down, screaming and crying in your bedroom.

You’re genuinely surprised when Erwin comes back, strolling into the house in the middle of the night without a care in the world. Benjamin was staying the night with Alexander, which left you completely alone in a cold house.

You only realized it was Erwin when the first place he went was his office. You heard him sigh, dropping papers on his desk. He stayed in there for what seemed like hours before you finally got the gall to walk in. He did nothing more than look over his shoulder, hardly even acknowledging your presence before he continued his work.

You purse your lips, biting your tongue to stop whatever pathetic sound you might have let out.

“Nice to see you,” you say. You try to put venom in it, you try so desperately to convey how hurt you are to him with those four words. But it comes out quiet, voice cracking halfway through.

“I’m busy.” As always. His response to everything you say.

“No you’re not. It’s the middle of the night, Erwin.” You see his hand stop, the grip he held on his pen slightly tightening. “What could you possibly have to do that keeps you so busy at all hours of the day?”

“I just have work, okay, Y/n? You wouldn’t understand.”

Your heart drops. Your eyes slightly widen at the sharpness of his tone. You had heard him use that tone with others before, but you never thought he’d use it with you. And he’d called you by your name.

Your eyes burn, making you wonder if you’ve always been this irrationally sensitive. You move your gaze to the ceiling as you clenched a fist, taking a deep breath.

You’re so done. So done. And you don’t know if it’s because you’re pregnant but you just hurt so bad. Your heart has been broken a million times over and you’re so tired of constantly tearing up and crying but you can’t stop.

You swallow, hoping that’ll ground you and make your voice steady. “You have ten minutes to come to bed or I’m leaving.”

You know you won’t. Erwin knows you won’t. Everyone knows the threat is empty, but you make it anyway. You turn around and walk back to the bedroom, fighting the urge to hit the wall and scream.

You allow yourself exactly four minutes to sob and pull your hair and pace the floor and do whatever you want before pulling yourself together. After those four minutes, you sit straight on the edge of the bed with your eyes closed. You take slow, calculated breaths in, doing the same when you exhale.

You know you just told the biggest, most obvious lie in the world, so it genuinely shocks you when Erwin comes into the bedroom exactly ten minutes after you had told him.

Your eyes follow him as he moves, and you watch as he slips out of his military uniform and into more comfortable clothes. He sits on the opposite side of the bed, and the two of you just stay there, back to back and unmoving. You rub your hands together and sigh, hoping that breaks the uncomfortable silence of the room.

It doesn’t. There is not a single sound in the world.

“If it’s a girl I want to name her Anastasia,” you suddenly say. You hear his sharp intake of breath and feel the bed shift as he leans forward. It’s another moment of silence, and you’re just about to give up and lay down before Erwin talks.

“I like it. We’ll call her Anya.”

You nod. The unbearable silence returns. It seems like forever until you decide to lay down, Erwin following your lead.

Neither of you move closer to the other. You stay on your respective sides of the bed, facing away from each other as sleep overtakes you.

Your bed has never felt colder.

—

He stays longer that time, though most of the two weeks are spent in his office. Benjamin coops himself up with him, always silently playing or drawing on the floor beside his father’s desk.

It gives you no chance to let your emotions out. It feels like you’ve been pregnant forever when in reality it’s only been five months. Benjamin’s birthday comes before you even know what day it is, and you’re forced to quickly string together cornbread with frosting and a present for him.

Benjamin’s sixth birthday was the first one Erwin missed—not counting the day he was born.

You were seething, and later that night when your son had gone to bed you have an argument.

“You’re a real asshole, you know that? Our son fucking adores you. He wants to be just like you when he grows up, but I don’t even think he knows who you are.”

“Of course he knows who I am. He knows enough to be able to look up to me.”

“That is the most bullshit thing I’ve ever heard. He knows the idea of you. He knows the mask you put on in front of him the one day a month you’re home. He’s too young to understand that what you do isn’t okay.”

“The Survey Corps is low on soldiers. It’s not my fault they constantly need people working.”

“Then at least take a break when you’re home. Your work doesn’t always need to come home with you! You need to spend time with your son-”

“You don’t even know what goes on in the Survey Corps so how can you say-”

“You literally only look at maps! That’s all you fucking do, how is that-”

“The formation we have in place now for expeditions is shit, I’m trying to-”

“Do that on your own goddamn time! Do that while you’re away, Erwin. I will not let Benjamin grow up without a father because you are too fucking dense to realize-”

Something breaks, and you immediately pause what you were saying and turn your head.

Benjamin stands there, looking down at the glass he broke with wide eyes. You immediately calm down, taking a deep breath as Benjamin looks up.

“Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to.” You walk over to him, quietly shushing him and petting his hair away from his face.

“It’s okay, my love. Accidents happen.” You softly smile, your expression and voice a sharp contrast to what it was just a moment ago. You kiss the top of his head. “Are you okay? You didn’t get hurt?”

He shakes his head, slightly leaning into you. “Mommy, why were you and Daddy yelling at each other?”

You exhale a breath through your nose. You hoped that argument would have been quietly dealt with. “Sometimes Mommy and Daddy just need to yell to feel better. Everyone does.” You leave another kiss on his head, letting go of him to start picking up the broken glass.

“I’ve got that,” Erwin said. He took two steps before kneeling down, carefully collecting the shards in his hand. You watch as Benjamin steps around the glass, kissing Erwin on the cheek.

“You and Mommy shouldn’t fight because it’s bad.” You watch Erwin’s lips curve up, and he turns his head. He pulls Benjamin closer with the hand not holding glass, kissing the side of his head.

“We won’t fight anymore.”

You smile as they continue talking, carefully standing up. You stretch, taking Benjamin by the hand and walking with him to your bedroom. You tuck him into bed, laying beside him and entwining your hands with his.

“Mommy, I’m sorry about breaking the glass,” he says.

Your eyebrows furrowed together, and you push his hair out of his face. “Why? It was an accident, so it’s alright.”

“But I did it on purpose.”

You prop yourself up on your arm, looking down at Benjamin. He plays with a fraying string on his pajamas, avoiding eye contact. “Why’d you break it on purpose?”

“You and Daddy were getting loud and saying mean words. And I don’t wanna see you guys yelling.”

Your face softens as you lay back down, wrapping an arm around Benjamin and pulling him close. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. Sometimes we just get mad at each other.”

Benjamin nods, cuddling into your side. “Were you angry because of me?”

Your face falls, and you quickly try to reassure your son. “No, no, no, darling. Of course not. We weren’t mad because of you. We will never be mad because of you, okay?”

You kiss his head as he nods again. He wraps his arms around you, hiding his face in your chest. “Okay.”

You run your hand through his hair, smoothing down the brown locks until you hear his breathing even out. You let out a sigh as you listen to his breaths, looking up when you hear Erwin’s soft footsteps. You watch him run a hand through his hair and look away when he turns to face you.

He lays down, letting out a heavy breath as he stares at the ceiling.

“He thinks we were mad because of him,” you softly say, whispering so you don’t wake your sleeping son.

Erwin turns his head, his thick eyebrows pulled together. “Did you tell him it wasn’t because of him?”

You nod. Benjamin stays sound asleep in your arms as a moment of silence passes.

“The formation we had on the expedition Anastasia died in wasn’t working.” You glance up, moving your gaze from your sleeping son to your husband’s side profile. “It was vulnerable, and it put certain people in really bad spots. Anastasia ended up in one of those places, and . . .” He trails off, making a vague motion with his hand. “I’m trying to come up with something else to use because it’s always the same spots that get targeted. I’m hoping that with a different formation and way of communicating everyone will be safer.”

You softly hum. You almost hate yourself in the silence that follows because his reasons are so valid.

But then you remember the pain—the heartbreak and longing to just be with him—and decide you can’t just wave it off with that simple explanation because you’ve spent too many tears on this.

You don’t respond, letting the heavy silence of the room speak for you.

The bed shifts, squeaking as Erwin readjusts and wraps his arm around both you and Benjamin. You can feel the hard planes of his torso against your arm, warm and inviting.

This, you think, is the closest this family will ever be.

—

When you woke up that next morning, Erwin had already left.

You were fine with that. Whatever. It was less silent arguments you had to worry about. You could go back to bottling your emotions until you were alone.

He came back every so often over the course of the next four months. He would come back for two or three days before leaving for weeks again and repeat that in a never ending cycle you were beginning to grow tired of.

You weren’t sure if he had planned it or if it was just dumb luck, but he was there on December 29 when your second child was born—a precious baby girl with big blue eyes.

You named her Anastasia just like you said you would. You had no hope that she would keep Erwin home this time, but it’s a breath of fresh air when you wake up early from her crying and Erwin is there, coddling his child and coaxing her back to sleep.

What surprised you even more was that he stayed for four weeks after that, not even leaving before he had breakfast with his family and kissed each of your heads. His lips pressed against your temple the longest, leaving a lingering kiss that you could feel even hours after he had gone.

That kiss sent you for a ride because he had kissed you. He’d given you attention, something you had longed that he give you for months and he finally had!

You kept a giddy smile on your face all day, but then you remembered that he was gone once again and probably would be for months.

More tears streamed down your cheeks daily, and Jesus Christ you just wanted to stop hurting. Erwin never sent any letters or warning and that often left you wondering if he had died on an expedition. Every time that thought crossed your mind you were sent into a spiral, and you weren’t sure if it was even the thought of losing the man you loved that made you so sad.

You didn’t know if it was that or the fact that you would truly be lost without him—because you wouldn’t know who to be if he wasn’t alive. You had spent so much time crying over him that you didn’t even know what else you were capable of. So much energy had been wasted mourning who even knows what and nothing had come out of it.

One week in February—one so cold everyone slept huddled together with a fire burning at all times—you dug up the old letters Erwin had written you.

It was early in the morning. Benjamin and Anya were still sleeping, so you moved quietly and made as little noise as you could. You took the box out from under your bed and sat by the fire, reading every word in the light it provided.

You don’t know how many times you read each one, but the more you read them the less they seemed like extravagant letters pieced together carefully to make you fall in love. They lost their luster and everything that made them surreal. Now they were just pretty words without any real meaning behind them.

Tears burn in your eyes because he promised so many things. He’d promised a happy family and to wholly belong to you only to give you nothing. He’d manipulated his words to make you fall for him and god you were so stupid for doing that.

Did he ever really like you? Maybe he had just given you attention and you misinterpreted it for love.

Whatever the answer might be, there was nothing you could do now. Your main source of income was the check you received because of your husband, and your original plan of starting some sort of business had gone down the drain once Benjamin had become older.

Even if you did want to leave, nothing good would come of it. You had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. And where would that put your kids?

You read over the letters once more. Your lips pressed together and it just makes you so mad because why would he do this? How could he just leave you on your own like this? Sure, he provided for the family but how could he ever spend more time with sheets of paper than his wife?

The first letter Erwin wrote gets slightly crumpled from how tight you grip it. You look back down at it, you gaze flickering to the fire before you do something you can’t undo.

You tear the paper up, every single word memorized, and toss it into the fire.

And God it felt good. A nice little ‘fuck you’ Erwin would never know about. But you knew about it, and just that much made you feel like you could do anything.

So you took another letter and tore it, slowly feeding the pieces to the fire. And you kept doing that, over and over, the feeling of self-satisfaction bringing a smile to your face.

“Mom? What are you burning?”

You turn your head. Benjamin was propped up on his arm, squinting in your direction as his eyes adjusted to the light.

“Nothing, my love,” you said, tearing the final letter and tossing it in the fire. “Just old mail. Nothing important.”

You stood up, wiping your hands against your nightgown. you made your way to the kitchen, looking through the cupboards for whatever you could find to make breakfast.

Benjamin’s eyes followed you, eventually returning to the fire in front of him. He looked at the burning pieces of paper, wondering what they really were before he stood up, going to get dressed.

As you served plates for both you and Benjamin, you looked up at the cackling fire. And as you thought about the way you felt when you opened that first letter, you regretted what you had done just a little bit.

But you were tired of hurting. You were tired of crying all the time, and you were tired of wasting energy on something that won’t happen.

You promise yourself right then that you’re done wasting tears on Erwin. You’re done exhausting yourself just to get a tiny amount of attention from him.

And you do so good. You raise your kids well and any tears you shed aren’t sad or because of your husband. You get back into touch with Marie and find out she’s had a daughter and is pregnant again. You force yourself to seem fine around Erwin and you become so good at acting okay that you begin believing it yourself.

Until four years later, when Benjamin is 11 and comes home one day announcing that he leaves for the training corps in a week.

—

You were livid. More than you’ve ever been.

Benjamin had enlisted with the help of Erwin, managing to keep the entire thing secret from you until one of the last possible moments.

This was supposed to be a phase he grew out of—a quick thing he was hyper fixated on for a few days before he moved onto the next thing and never thought about it again.

You thought he’d gotten over it when he was five because you hadn’t heard a single thing about it over the years. He was always clinging to Erwin when he was home, but you just assumed it was because he wanted his father’s attention. You never would have imagined that they filled the paperwork out together, preparing your son for the military without so much as asking your opinion.

Erwin wasn’t home for three days after your son had announced it, and during those three days your anger only grew and you felt so tired of feeling this way.

"You can't just do this without talking to me! He's my son and-"

"He's my son, too, Y/n. You aren't the only one that needs to know what he's doing with his life."

"But I should still know! This is still something that-"

"Mom, you've known that this is something I've been wanting to do."

"You haven't said anything about joining the military since you were four, Benjamin. And then suddenly you just walk in announcing that you’re leaving-"

“He’s allowed to be his own person.”

“Obviously, but it’d be nice if-”

“You never would have heard me out or let me anyway-”

“Will you two shut up and let me talk?” you snap. They both immediately stop talking, Benjamin’s mouth slightly dropped in shock. You wait a second, making sure neither of them had anything else to say before you turned to Benjamin and continued speaking. “Go watch your sister outside.”

“But-”

“I said”—your tone hardens, voice raising—“go watch your sister. I’ll talk to you in a minute.”

Benjamin huffs, rolling his eyes before leaving the room and muttering something under his breath. You would have gotten onto him for it if you weren’t so focused on the man in front of you.

“Erwin, you can’t do this shit without telling me,” you say firmly. You pin him with your gaze, sitting at the dining table with him. “He’s my son and I think I deserve to know when he volunteers himself to go on a fucking suicide mission.”

“He won’t die out there, Y/n. He’ll get the proper training and learn the proper precautions to deal with everything.”

“Every soldier gets trained and learns how to deal with titans, but how many are still alive?”

You furrow your eyebrows in mock confusion. Erwin gets stunned into silence, mouth opening and closing like a fish as he thinks of a retort.

“Anastasia was properly trained and she still died. Benjamin is going to die out there and you think it’s okay to fill out the paperwork with him without even telling me? In what world is that okay?”

“This is something Benjamin’s wanted for years. He never brought it up to you after Anastasia died because he didn’t think you’d like it.”

“Of course I wouldn’t have! But you know what I still would have done? I would have sat down, and had a talk with him to see if this was something he actually wanted to do and I would have supported him anyways because I love him.”

“Then why can’t you show that same support now, Y/n? You say you would have heard him out but you’re so pissed after finding out he enlisted.”

“Because I didn’t know about it!” Your voice cracks, and suddenly your eyes are burning and your composure breaks and now you’re crying. “You never tell me shit, Erwin. I never get so much as a letter from you to know that you’re okay and I’m left wondering for months when your commander is going to come knocking on my door to tell me you’re dead. And the worst part is I’m only relieved to see you before I start hating you again because you never take any of us into consideration. Benjamin and Anya do so much just to get you to notice them and you barely even give them a pat on the back. But when Benjamin wants to risk his life just to please you? Why is that what makes you start paying attention to him?”

You hadn’t even realized half of what you were saying. You thought you had taught yourself to be fine when Erwin never sent a sign saying he was alive. You thought you learned how to stay in the middle ground—not in love with him like you were before but not constantly detesting him.

Then again, if you were in the middle ground then surely it wouldn’t hurt this bad, right?

The room is silent, the only sound being your heavy pants as you struggle to catch your breath and composure. You look away from Erwin because God this is embarrassing. Even more since he’s just looking at you, his expression unreadable to you as you turn your head and wipe your cheeks.

You sniff, taking a deep breath. You close your eyes and bite the inside of your cheek in an attempt to stop the flow of tears. Finally, after you taste the faint tang of iron in your mouth, you open your eyes and face Erwin again.

He’s always been so handsome. With his high cheekbones and full lips and bushy eyebrows and gorgeous eyes. He had only grown into his features as the years passed, and you always found yourself wondering how he never looked worn out.

It always made you swoon, how handsome he was. Pretty privilege must exist because looking back there is no valid reason you forgave him for everything he did.

“I swear to God, Erwin, if anything happens to him-”

“Y/n, I promise. Nothing is going to happen. We all look out for each other. He will be fine.”

You sighed, closing your eyes as you nodded. You brought a hand up to your face, massaging your temple as you close your eyes. You’re so tired, and you don’t want to deal with this so you just nod.

“Alright. It’s fine. Just . . . Tell me things like this, okay?”

You hate how small your voice sounded, how easily you surrendered, but you wanted nothing more than just a day to rest. You’re so done and tired of everything that happens.

Erwin nods, but you know somewhere deep down that he likely won’t hold up on that promise. You’re scared that by agreeing to this you’ll start mourning someone that hasn’t even died, but you agree anyway.

And maybe, just maybe, you should have put more effort into that argument.

—

Benjamin stood, right fist over his heart with his left behind his back. He stared forward as the instructor gave his welcoming speech, a faint smile on his face.

He was finally here—finally he would be given the chance to impress his dad. He would rise through the ranks and graduate top of his class just like Erwin did. Nothing would stop him. In three years he would check the little box that officially made him a Scout.

That is what he hoped. But after a couple weeks of the same intense training and going to bed on the thin mattress drained beyond belief made him think maybe he didn’t want that.

But he was already here. He had something to prove to his dad and maybe, just maybe, Erwin would pay more attention to him.

So he tried his best. Benjamin spent any spare time he had running laps to build his endurance. Occasionally, he would spar with one of the other cadets. Nine times out of ten he lost, but the very few times he triumphed gave him this burst of motivation that made him feel like this was his destiny.

It seems like the three years he spent in the training corps came and went, and when the time to take the final assessment rolled around he felt unprepared.

He had fumbled—so bad he just barely hooked onto the tree he was aiming for with his ODM gear and nearly fell to the ground. The cut he made on every mock titan was too shallow, and each one felt like a cut to his own heart because he just knew he would not graduate top of his class. Not even close.

Results took months to get back to the cadets, which Benjamin didn’t understand because don’t his superiors grade it as he tests? Surely there’s a better way to decide rankings.

But it didn't matter. He was back home, watching his nine-year-old sister play with her friends Jean and Marco as the anxiety slowly ate away at him. He was always biting his nails, staring off into space until you lightly slapped his hand away from his lips and told him not to.

Those months where he waited for his results were the cruelest he had ever experienced. He had no clue what to do with himself, going on long walks until he was called back. And even then they didn’t give the results right away. 

It was starting to get dark outside, a cold nip coming in the air. Benjamin walked into the dimly lit dining hall, his posture uncharacteristically bad. 

“Oi, Smith.”

Benjamin turned, immediately straightening and searching for whoever had called his name. His gaze landed on an unusually short man with dark hair sitting alone at a table. Benjamin took slow steps and they met in the middle of the hallway.

“You’re Erwin Smith’s son, right?”

Benjamin thought the way he had to look down at the older man was a bit ridiculous. He wasn’t sure how seriously he could take this.

But he keeps a straight face and responds with the proper authority, curtly nodding and saying, “Yes, sir.”

He waits as the man in front of him takes him in, physically moving his head to look Benjamin up and down. “Erwin’s requesting your presence.”

So he sent . . . a cadet? Shouldn’t this guy already be an active member in the military?

Benjamin gives another curt nod. “Where is he?”

“In his office. He asked me to escort you.”

Benjamin nods, following the shorter man when he turns and begins walking in the opposite direction. Their steps are the only sounds that echo in the hallway, creating an uncomfortable silence around them.

“Who are you, again? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you,” Benjamin says, trying to create a running conversation that breaks the silence.

“Levi.”

He kept his response short and curt, and the way he’d said his name made it seem like he intended to end the conversation there.

The name rung a bell in Benjamin’s head, but he couldn’t quite place where he might know it from. It’s another minute of silence as Benjamin rolls the name around in his head before he finally recognizes the name.

“Wait, are you the guy that tried to kill my dad?”

Levi is silent for a moment, acting as if he hadn’t heard the question and instead redirecting the conversation. “How close are you with him?”

“Me and my dad? I mean, I guess we’re pretty close. We talk and stuff.” Benjamin shrugged, slightly relaxing his posture. “We don’t spend a lot of time together since he’s busy a lot of the time, but based on when we do, yeah, I’d say we’re pretty close.”

Levi doesn’t speak as he takes in the information. Truthfully, he hadn’t even known his superior had a child until just today. Erwin and his son must not have been as close as Benjamin believed if that was the case.

But that did make Levi curious about Erwin’s wife.

“What about your parents? They close?”

Benjamin nods. “Yeah. My mom writes Dad letters all the time.”

“You mean the ones he keeps in a box?”

Benjamin almost falters, his heart practically skipping a beat at Levi’s words.

That reaction alone tells Levi everything he needs to know, and the two of them continue walking in silence.

Levi left once they reached the door to Erwin’s office. Benjamin stood in front of it, unmoving as he thought about what Levi had said. Did Erwin really leave your letters in a box?

He finally opens the door. He’s not sure what it is, but immediately his gaze lands on a box set on the bookshelf behind Erwin, a scribble written across it spelling out what Benjamin hopes isn’t your name.

Benjamin sits in the chair across from Erwin’s desk, waiting for him to finish signing paperwork. He puts his pen down, crossing his arms against his desk and leaning forward.

Benjamin isn’t even sure what all his father had called him to talk about. He can only nod along and force all his focus on not letting his eyes drift to the box of unopened letters.

What he’d gathered after he leaves Erwin’s office and looks down at the paper in his hands is that his final test results weren’t what he was hoping for. There was no option to join the Military Police, so he definitely wasn’t in the top ten. And after a self evaluation joining the Scout Regiment seemed out of reach, too . . .

Later that night, when Benjamin is the only one awake in the cadets quarters, he reads over the paper in the dim moonlight. He bites the inside of his cheek as he thinks, picking up a pencil and tapping the tip against his lip.

His pencil hovers over the box, ready to put an X in the one labeled Scouts, but something makes him hesitate. He isn’t the best with ODM gear. His physical prowess definitely isn’t as good as he’d like it to be, and his agility and dexterity could get him killed with how slow he is.He decides he values his life more than his father’s approval, and that is why he moves his pencil down and checks the box labeled Garrison.

Part two y'all, hope you enjoyed <3

next part >>

TAGLIST: @daisynik7 if you’d like to join the taglist for this series or be notified whenever I write for Erwin please leave a comment or DM!

[animedaddymilkers]

╰⊰✿´ your first time with them

╰⊰✿´ characters: Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman, Eren Yeager, Zeke Yeager, Reiner Braun

╰⊰✿´ tags: nsfw, smut, first times, loss of virginity, gn!reader

💖reblogs > likes💖

Most would think your first time sleeping with Erwin would be planned out and thoughtful. But the reality is that Erwin is a busy man. The first time you sleep with him, it's a spur of the moment decision, like you both realized neither of you had any plans to tear you away. Erwin worships your body and takes his sweet old time to ensure you're also enjoying everything he has to give you. It's definitely vanilla and passionate, but Erwin will ensure you're both satiated and sweaty by the time he's done with you.

He's so close that you can feel his breath fan over your skin, but you still try to pull him closer. "You look heavenly," Erwin says under his breath, a husky grumble to his voice. Those powerful thighs you drooled over showed their true strength as they refused to slow in pleasuring you. Erwin groaned low and deep, and in between the kisses that he pressed along your neck, he lamented about just how enthralled he was with you and your body.

Levi is confident in all areas of his life. Though matters in the bedroom do give him a run for his money. It's not that he isn't skilled. Even when he's inexperienced, he's attentive and listens to exactly what your body needs. It's always the first time that trips him up. He's so afraid of doing something wrong or hurting you.

"Is this okay?" He questions, his voice coming out more harsh than he intended. The shake in his hands refused to go away as they ghosted across your skin. Levi had to keep reminding himself that you wanted to do this with him, that you wanted his touch and genuinely cared for him. The look in your eyes reminded him of just that and he felt his chest tighten and cock throb simultaneously. Before he touched you any further, he had to lean in and kiss you again. Levi took a moment to process how lucky he was to be sharing such an intimate moment with you, and he intended to drag it out as long and as pleasurably as he could make it.

Eren's personality is loud, and he comes into your life fast, a lot like a tornado. His love is the same, too. He loves fast and hard, although you can rest assured that his fast love is whole and thoroughly felt to his bones. Eren isn't nervous the first time your heated make-out sessions start to lead to more. If anything, he's more than eager to fully show you how much he loves you.

His kisses are quick and deep, and his hands feel like they're everywhere on your body all at once. Eren wants to please you as much and as fast as he can because he can't wait to have that more of a connection with you. The depth that sharing a bed together creates between two people is one of his favorite things about it. "I'm going to burn this image into my memory." Eren muttered under his breath as he rid you of the last of your clothes and took in the sight of your body. He may move fast, but it by no means will be overwith quickly.

Zeke acts rather casual about your first time together, like it's no big deal, no sweat off of his back whether it happens or not. But secretly, he's freaking out. What if you don't like what he does? What if he can't please you? Of course, Zeke's going to do everything in his arsenal of knowledge in order to please you, but sometimes people just don't click in the bedroom! If you two didn't end up working out he wasn't sure if he'd recover from that...

Zeke's heart rate is quickened as he feels you grind against him, and he nearly loses his mind. The way that you look, your face, your moans, and the way your chest heaves towards his had him dizzy. Zeke's hands wandered up your sides, groaning when you pressed yourself closer to him. Truly, he couldn't comprehend how you two made it to this point, but he wasn't about to complain. He tried to push his insecurities to the back as he pressed kisses into your skin, trailing down your body, intent on giving you the night of your lives.

Reiner is the gentle giant that wants to put off having his first with you. Not because he doesn't WANT to have it, but because he wants it to be perfect. He wouldn't plan the night but he would make sure that it was set up romantically. It'd be on a night after you went out to dinner and took a calming walk by the water, then after you two returned back to your place, Reiner would shower you in kisses.

Praises fall from his lips as he slowly strips you, making sure to worship every inch of your skin. His large hands massage through any knots in your muscles and he picks you up to lay you on the bed. Reiner looks at you with eyes full of adoration as he pleasures you and without saying it, it's obvious that the night will be all about you. Reiner is focused on you and the way your body reacts until you're nearly begging him to let you reciprocate.

[amywritesthings]

silver underground. / chapter four.

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x F!Reader (Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin)

Word Count: 4.2K

Summary: Day 97 - Better known as the first day you reunite with Section Commander Hange Zoe, who has their own plans to recovering your memory.

Warnings: Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Eventual Romance, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Flashbacks, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Nonbinary Hange Zoe, Angry!Levi, Other Additional Tags to be Added As the Story Progresses

( Read on AO3 )

Previous Chapter. / Next Chapter. | Masterlist.

CHAPTER FOUR.

There is something therapeutic about cleaning.

Clearing stubborn dust in every corner and pesky grime from the floorboards brings a sense of accomplishment — a sense of control, to your day.

It's not what you thought you'd be doing in the midst of preparing for your first official training session with the military, but Petra Ral claims this is how the Scouts indoctrinate all the new recruits.

A rite of passage, so to speak, to learn how important it is to mind your space.

(She's quick to mention you've already completed said rite in another life.)

Petral Ral, better known to you as the girl from Erwin's file, is a devastatingly perky and short redhead with stars in her eyes. Despite the harrowing business of being a Scout, she speaks like she's on the most incredible adventure of her life.

A novel-quality crusade.

She greets you with such excitement upon your arrival with Erwin Smith that you can't help but feel relief that this is your intermittent handler. You don’t remember Petra, not in the way she hopes you will, but she parades you around the rendezvous castle like it's your first day.

Because, according to her, she's just repeating history: she was the one to do this just a few short years ago.

Before you get your hands on military gear and weapons, Petra first offers you a broom and dust pan. "Scrubbing down the common room mess space is first priority," she supplies, holding up her own broom. "You might want to take a cloth to keep your hair out of your face. When you're done with the mess space, you can start on your room. You hold a broom like this, and—"

"Petra," you start, and she waits patiently for your reply. "I'm not braindead, just blank. I remember how to clean."

"You do?"

"Yes," you reassure with a breathy laugh, holding the broom handle with a half-assed sweep of your arm. "Ta-da."

She squeaks in embarrassment, bringing her gloved hand to her mouth.

"Gosh, I'm sorry! This really is just like old times! I'm getting deja vu just looking at you."

"In a good or bad way?"

"Oh, good. Definitely good. You were so fun back then," Petra reassures with a bright grin. "But go, go, go — I'll see you for lunch!"

So you're here some odd hours later, scrubbing down the common room mess space and clearing your swirling mind.

You don't know where Petra's gone, but she can't possibly be far.

This is nice.

Quiet. Manageable.

Tirelessly flinging cobwebs from the ceiling corners, you wipe a hand over your shining forehead and draw a short sigh. This place is looking good. Beyond an improvement to what you first faced upon entering this seemingly abandoned castle.

At least you remember how to make a room spotless—

“Ahh!”

A shrill shriek from behind breaks your peace.

It’s so loud that the broom handle fumbles from your hands and clangs to the floor.

“There she is!”

Startled, you turn to address the danger head-on.

A person with wild brown hair and a military uniform stands in the door of the hallway, fingers folded tightly together at the center of their chest. The Scout crest at their breast distorts by how hard they press their folded palms into their body, like they’re using every ounce of willpower not to—

Too late.

Their arms swing wide as they near. Before you can open your mouth, your body’s being squeezed into a tight hug. 

“And look — all limbs intact! Wow, talk about a lucky break, huh? I thought for sure we’d be seeing a missing appendage or two.”

For good measure, they back up just enough to pick up your hand from the wrist. Tugging the eye glasses from their forehead, they squint and lean in to observe the remaining bandages.

You should say something.

What do you say?

“Uh — hi?”

Nailed it.

Belatedly, the preoccupied person flashes a look back to your face, considering in a haze.

Then the dots connect.

“Oh, right! Duh. Maybe no missing limbs but you’re missing memories. Allow me to re-introduce myself: Hange, Section Commander, at your service.” They smile wide. “Captain Levi told me where you were staying, so I thought maybe I’d make a visit.”

Wait.

Captain Levi knows where you’re staying?

(Why does it always have to circle back to him?)

“And when you weren’t there, I asked around — Petra knew!”

“Oh,” you reply lamely, embarrassed that you can’t match their elated energy. Hange doesn’t hide their excitement, so you cannot hide your hesitance.

Maybe the surprise touch has something to do with it, but this encounter already feels different. As if Hange is a long-awaited crisp breeze on the first day of Spring. You find yourself wanting to hug them again, to see if the spark lingers.

“Yeah. Commander Erwin gave me over to Petra for the week. I haven’t seen the Captain.”

“Oh, you haven’t? Color me a little shocked.” Hange drops their arms from you to wipe some strands of hair from their face. “Well? Any new discoveries since you first woke up?”

“A few,” you admit, bending to pick up the broom lying on the ground. “Commander Erwin got me to remember a little bit about where I came from and how, uh… being in the Scouts was kind of my whole life.”

“Part of the job description,” Hange bemuses before mimicking Erwin’s deep voice for the salute. “Dedicate Your Heart — every artery and then some.”

The endearing attempt at imitating the commander makes you snort despite yourself, and you sweep one final pile of dust into the pan.

“At least you feel familiar. The Commander and the Captain were like blank slates.”

It’s as though you’ve said the most magical thing to the Section Commander's ears. Their smile now bursts into a grin.

“Ch’yeah, I’d say you and I got into some wacky adventures in our day. Of course, only when you weren’t so busy in the corner with Levi.” The grin falters if only for a fraction. “Though I must say, I’m really surprised he wasn’t the first.”

Your brows knit. “The first what?”

“The first person that you would remember — at least, in feeling.”

“Everyone keeps implying that,” you tell them, crossing the room to settle the broom against the frame of a bookshelf. “Except the one time that I saw him, which was the first day, it sounded like he hated me.”

“Hated you?” Hange blurts. “Captain Levi hating you is about as true as me hating titans.”

You blink. “That… comparison escapes me, Section Commander.”

They lean in with a flippant shrug. “Hange, please. And I don’t hate titans at all. They’re incredible, fascinating, the thing I think about all the time.” Heat rises to your face. Hange doesn’t let up. “I think he’s just a bit grumpy since — well, I don’t know if I’m allowed to tell you.”

Eyes widening, you step closer to the other person.

“No — do. I wanna hear it. Seriously, living in the dark about this whole thing is probably a hindrance to remembering anything at all.”

“Hey, that’s what I said.” Hange laughs. “Still in sync, even when you’re not You!"

They pause for a moment, holding up their index finger.

"Actually let’s shelve the Levi debacle for a bit, because I thought maybe I could give you something and see what you think about it.”

“Give me something?” you repeat.

“Don’t get too excited. It’s not like a gift or anything.” They reconsider, slipping a hand into the breast pocket of their uniform jacket. “Well, for you, it might be.”

It’s a small and flat brown box, only a few centimeters tall and not very wide.

Hange holds it out for you, nodding down to it — take it — and you meet them in the middle.

Nothing sparks while holding the box, and it takes every ounce of your curiosity not to give the thing a preliminary shake to hear what’s inside.

Your fingers pry the top lid off—

And it hits.

Like a lightning strike to the heart, you drop the lid to the floor, hand limp.

Silver — unassuming, dainty, but very obviously a necklace. There is barely anything special about the fragile jewelry, but emotion swells and threatens to choke you up and out. From the bottom of the chain dangles a small gemstone, swirling in stormy gray color. It looks well-loved, worn, but still manages to glimmer in the soft sunlight peering in from the open windows.

The pad of your index finger brushes along the smooth surface.

A drop of water splashes on it.

(Are you crying?)

Glancing up to look at Hange confirms that you’re not only crying, but sobbing.

Streams of tears drag along your cheeks as you let out a broken breath, confused yet relieved. The bottom half of the box drops, too, joining its sister on the floor as you clutch the necklace to your chest. 

You can’t explain any of this, but you know.

You know this is the one thing you subconsciously hoped to see, to feel, one day.

“You kept it.”

The blurted sentence is barely above a murmur.

Hange draws an inhale through their nose.

“When Captain Levi brought you in on horseback after your accident, I was the first to receive you,” they explain, softer this time. You watch them through a watery lens. “There was little to no time. Your uniform was torn to pieces. When the doctors were preparing you for the emergency surgery — you’d lost a lot of blood while traveling, and we weren’t sure how deep the cut wounds went — I took that necklace off of you in hopes that one day I could give it back.”

Your heart swells with an overwhelming gratitude you can’t quite place into words. Hange nears cautiously and places a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“That necklace went everywhere with you. In all our years of serving together, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you take it off.”

“It’s important to me,” you reason with certainty. Hange nods with empathy.

You don't even realize what you're saying, but it comes from the heart.

“...I’ve had it since I was a kid. This was the only thing I owned in the Underground. Before I joined the Scouts, I didn’t even own my own clothes. They were — they were stolen. Everything was stolen. I had nothing. Nothing except this.”

With trembling fingers, you try to unhook the clasp and fail. Twice. Hange tsk-tsk’s with their tongue and drop their hand to close around both of your hands.

“C’mon, you big softie. Let me?”

You sniff and nod, pushing hair away to give them an avenue to your neck. Hange easily situates the chain around your neck and secures the clasp. The cold chain presses to your body like a weighted blanket.

Your shoulders slack with its comfort the minute you can press the gem between your thumb and index finger.

“There. Feel better?”

“Loads,” you admit in a sigh, wiping your eyes with your free hand. “Sorry for the outburst, Hange, it just—”

“Hey, happy to help. Look! You remembered something.”

They’re right.

Something so small brought such a visceral emotion to the forefront.

Rolling the gemstone between your fingers, you forcefully smile in return. What you say next rolls right off your tongue. “You know... you’ve always asked me where this came from, and now I’ve accidentally divulged that story. Talk about a dirty trick, Hange.”

“Whoa, I—” They start but reconsider. Hange doesn’t give it away immediately, but the section commander’s surprise is palpable the longer your words linger in the air. “Damn, you remember that?”

You do.

Clear as day, in fact, with the way they’re looking at you right now. Sitting right in this very room — you were both at the table situated in the corner, though it's now crowded by four chairs you've scrubbed vigorously clean. When you blink towards them, you can see the silhouette of Hange's frustrated hands flying high into the air. You're leaning back in the chair, tipping it with the heel of your boot pressed against the table's edge with a laugh.

“Oh, c'mon! Stop being such a tease and tell me about it already. It’s just a necklace!”

“That doesn't sound right,” you tease, grinning ear to ear as you absently roll the gemstone between your fingers. “If it's just a necklace, then how come you wanna know about it so bad, huh?”

Hange groans in the pale torch light, sliding down into their seat in dramatized agony. “Be-cause I just watched a five-meter titan almost snap the damn thing in half."

“So?”

“So! I saw how fast you sliced that thing up! You went totally berserk, like you had a personal vendetta.”

You chuckle low, burying your chin in the mouth of the emerald green cape around your shoulders.

“Five-meter titans should learn not to touch my stuff, then.”

“Hey, shitheads.”

Except that last part is something you hear with your own two ears, now, in the present.

A deep voice unlike yours or Hange’s.

Your heart skips a beat. You turn your chin to acknowledge it.

Levi Ackerman stands in the door frame dressed with a similar green cloak you wore in your vision. He’s wearing the same Scout uniform as Hange, but with a pressed white shirt and a flare of his own cravat nestled at the neck. His black hair falls over his eyes, shoulder pressed into the door frame, but he doesn’t look at you.

His eyes land directly on an all-too giddy Hange.

“So much for telling me that you arrived,” he mumbles.

Hange gives him a one-shoulder shrug. “Oh, you know I couldn’t help but find her for myself. The Commander caught me up to speed in a letter.”

“I would argue that that sort of information should remain out of letters, don’t you?” Levi asks as he nudges a boot into the room to join the conversation.

“Too late for that!” Hange sing-songs, pulling you into their side. “We were just catching up.”

Levi’s brow raises by a centimeter on his forehead. “...catching up.”

“Yep! It seems like I’m top of the team leaderboard for most memories. Amazing what happens when you try to work with victims of memory loss.”

It feels like a direct jab to Levi’s effort — or lack thereof — but he doesn’t react to it.

Not yet, anyway.

Because a whole world of awkwardness comes to a head when his eyes flicker to your face, then down, and stop.

Hange says nothing, but you feel it — their hand curled around your arm grips tighter.

Your chin drops to see what he’s staring at:

The necklace between your fingers.

When you stare back up, you’re certain Captain Levi has changed an entire shade of pale.

“—anyways!”

Hange’s voice cuts through the heavy silence as they squeeze you one last time into their side before letting go.

“I gotta go check in with the Commander. You two have fun catching up, alright?”

They pass with a bounce in their step, but not before stopping at the captain to all-too-whimsically point out the obvious.

“Look, Levi, she’s cleaning!”

He doesn’t have a snarky comeback this time.

Hell, he doesn’t even say goodbye to Hange when they exit, leaving the two of you to a room full of uncomfortable air.

If you so much as breathe in longer than a second, then it threatens to suffocate you.

Three whole months of nothing, and now?

There’s no excuse.

“You missed a spot,” he finally tells you, gesturing to the back left corner.

“Huh?” you mumble, turning to observe. “I haven't gotten to that part yet.”

“Sure.”

That’s all he had to say?

This was the big reunion everyone waited for?

Subconsciously your other hand raises to your necklace in order to tuck the jewelry into your gray button-up.

“You never visited me a second time.”

“I did,” he corrects, and your eyes narrow.

“I never saw you.”

“You were asleep.”

Your stomach flutters with butterflies. “Wait, really?”

“Do you think I care enough to lie?” When you blink twice from how biting his tone is, he sighs to himself. “Yeah, I visited.”

Although you probably shouldn't believe him, you do. The sigh is as much of a surprise as his confession. Like he's resigned to chip a part of the wall he builds between you.

So you speak with honesty, too. “I’m sorry I missed you, then.”

His brow twitches.

“Why?”

“Because contrary to the nature of our first encounter, I’ve wanted to speak to you.”

At first he says nothing, opting to merely study your expression. You try to remain confident, chin up and expectant.

“Did you remember something?” he asks.

“Yeah." He doesn't react. "I have been remembering bits and pieces, but…”

You venture to a chair to your left at the newly-cleaned table, sitting with a short huff. It feels nice to get off of your feet.

“...that’s all they are. Bits and pieces to bigger outlines, bigger pictures, that I don’t have."

"Sorry to hear that," he tells you, evidently not sorry at all.

Your brows furrow as you lean forward, taking the time to really look at the shorter man this time. "Except something weird happens every time I talk to someone. Specifically Commander Erwin."

"Which is?"

"The commander is pretty hellbent on mentioning your name every time we have a conversation."

Levi’s stare hardens. “Right.”

"In fact, Hange just now mentioned you.” You pause. “Aren't you curious about what they say?"

"No."

The word leaves his mouth too fast. You realize instantly that it's a lie. You press on.

"They tell me that you know me."

He scoffs. "I already told you that, dumbass."

"No you didn't."

"I did," he argues. "In Trost."

"Your twenty-question crusade three months ago is not the same as just telling me how I know you," you snap right back. "This isn't some acquaintanceship. They act like I know you incredibly well. Better than I'm supposed to know Hange or Petra or Erwin. And they all refuse to talk for you."

“As the shitheads should.”

This conversation is running in circles and getting nowhere.

Whereas Levi sticks to his conviction, your shoulders deflate.

"Captain..." You begin to stand, voice softening. “Captain, I want to—”

“Excuse me,” he abruptly states, turning on his heel to walk to the hallway.

By the time you stand at full height to follow after him, he’s already shut the door behind him.

.

.

.

.

.

“Hange.”

Their name is acidic on the tip of his tongue on purpose.

This isn’t a game.

Hange knows, too, because they take their fine fucking time walking down the hallway. Like — if the way they turn on a heel with a pursed smile is any indicator — that they already knew the conversation in that room with you would be short.

Levi can feel his blood boiling well over its limit. His hands are itchy, like they need to be doing something, so he digs half-crescent moons into his palms instead.

Hard, so it hurts.

Pain is one hell of a drug.

“Levi!” they call, feigning ignorance. “How was your talk with—”

“You kept it.”

It, because Levi knows he doesn’t need to elaborate on what exactly they’ve done. Over and over the scene replays in his head: the turn of your chin, your torso, with the glitter of silver in the afternoon sun just between your fingers at the collar of your shirt.

“I don’t know what you mean,” they sing-song, and Levi’s nostrils flare.

“You know damn well what I mean.”

“Oh — what, are you referring to the Lieutenant’s necklace?”

The first card is on the table in full show, and Levi’s all-too certain Hange believes they have a winning hand.

The white cravat at his neck threatens to choke him out when he swallows, maintaining a mere shred of his nonchalance.

“Of course I kept it, silly," they add.

“Why?”

“Even I knew how important it was to her.”

The sentence turns his tongue to lead.

Important.

“When did you take it?” he chooses to ask, pushing through the strain on his vocal chords.

“Before the doctors prepped for surgery, duh. Why? What’s so important about that stupid thing to you anyway?” Then they grin, and Levi knows he’s in deep shit. “Care to finally elab-or-ate?”

Each syllable is annunciated with such sickening clairvoyance that he instinctually turns the other way, opposite of the mess space.

Away.

Away, away, away—

“Oh, come on, Levi!” 

“Not now, Four Eyes.”

“But we just started getting to the bottom of this mystery!”

Too late. Hange’s lanky ass legs get the better of him. They outpace his stalking and eliminate the distance he’d been trying to clear.

For someone notorious for ending fights, he sure didn’t know why he started this one. Levi doesn’t want to be a part of this experiment, this thing, where they treat you like a fragile baby bird waiting for the moment you’re strong enough to fly on your own.

It’s insulting.

You were — are — more than that.

“There is no mystery,” Levi sours.

“Oh, please,” Hange groans. “I may not have perfect vision, but I’m not blind. You looked like you witnessed a titan trying to learn how to tap dance.”

“Fuck off.”

“Y’know, you’re going to have to tell her eventually before someone else does.”

So they did have a winning hand.

Levi abruptly stops walking to finally face the taller person. Hange’s tone remains in a sing-song, but their smile all but disappears. 

“Excuse me?”

“We all knew her, Levi. We know her,” Hange corrects. “Perhaps not as well as you, but things are going to start slipping out.”

“Not if you keep your damn mouth shut.”

“Why?” they challenge, crossing their arms over their chest. “I’d actually quite like my friend to fully remember me someday.”

“They won’t be honest memories, then,” Levi argues. “Just whatever shit you put in her head so you feel better about it.”

“What a pessimistic way of looking at it.”

“It’s our reality.”

Hange sighs in that way that Levi hates: saddened, like they know something he doesn’t.

He’s heard it countless times before the scientist made a devastating, truth-shattering discovery.

“Then I suppose you don’t want to hear that it helped.”

Levi turns into stone.

Hange pretends to be interested in the cuticles of their nails, tone light and airy. “Oh, didn't you ask? Or are you still pretending she’s a tree with legs in HQ’s yard?”

“You’re lying.”

“Now that’s just hurtful.” The smile returns. “Look, Levi: the minute she took a look at that necklace in the box, it was like she came back to us. Even if just for a moment, I swear, it was her. I’m no cranial injury genius, but I like to think that the more she interacts with things that are important to her, the more memories it may trigger.”

The sharp pain in his palm returns.

Had he been holding that fist this entire time?

Things that are important to her.

Even without its origins spelled out, the necklace meant something to you. You wore it under your uniform just as you always had before the accident. Close to the chest, its meaning hidden from most of the world.

Maybe Pyxis has the right idea to drink on the job, because Levi’s one more bad day from breaking open a cork just to taste something a little more bitter than what fate’s allowed.

(What memories came back to you?)

He could ask.

He could play stupid just to see if Hange’s telling the truth.

He’d rather get swallowed whole, but it’s better than turning around and asking you.

“What did she remember?”

Hange, thrilled that he’s taken the bait, leans in to keep the conversation private. 

“She told me that the silver necklace came with her from the Underground.” Oh. “She’s had it since she was a kid.” Oh, shit. “Said it was the only thing she’s ever owned.” Shitting shit. “Sounds like the exact same story she told me when Erwin made her a Scout — the whole fend-for-yourself mentality, the crappy childhood, blah-blah-blah. We don’t need to dive back into all of that.”

No, he doesn’t.

What he needs is to take a breath, but his lungs stopped working twenty words ago.

Hange is waiting for the gotcha right on the tip of their tongue, a years’ long question in the making, but he refuses.

Can’t — because those are your secrets to tell, not his.

“Is that it?” He asks, feigning neutrality.

“You sort of interrupted the epiphany,” Hange grins, “but yeah. That’s all. Nothing’s stopping you from turning around and hearing it for yourself, you know. I’m sure it’ll make you feel a hell of a lot less crummy if you do.”

Yeah, it probably would.

Because your memory’s coming back, with or without him.

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has sent me anons about this story! I'm having so much fun writing it. I appreciate your likes and notes xo.

[lovewithoregrets]

Falling Chapter 2: Tea

Levi’s transition to Erwin’s squad was far more seamless than most would have predicted. While he never lost his snarky edge, he listened to orders and worked as a team. He never questioned any of Erwin’s orders, and he seemed to trust his comrades more than before. Even Erwin was more than a little surprised at the transformation. If it hadn’t been for Levi’s snide remarks and constant sarcasm, he would have been suspicious. Instead, he began to increasingly rely on Levi as time went on. He often put him in charge while the section commander was unable to be present and would bring him in on plans that he was making, often asking for Levi’s opinion and genuinely listening to what the soldier had to say. Levi was by no means a master strategist like his superior officer, but he understood the on-the-ground operations extremely well and often had helpful feedback for the squad leader.  

At first, the squad resisted Levi being given so much freedom. It felt unfair that this punk should just be handed a position of privilege when they had worked so hard for their own positions. However, Levi’s performance as a Titan slayer quickly put the unease to rest. After their next expedition, most of them knew they would be dead if it wasn’t for his extraordinary abilities. They even seemed to grow fond of him, which Levi resisted vehemently at first and tolerated from then on. Still, he put up with them and that was the best outcome anyone could have hoped for.  

Still, Levi retained his sense of independence and for all the positive changes, still lacked the ability to conform to the established way of doing things. This was often frustrating for his comrades but to Erwin it was a breath of fresh air. Though Erwin was outwardly a very rigid person, he loathed the establishment. He saw things for how they were and was often alone in his resolve to change things for the better. Shortly after joining the Scouts, Erwin learned to keep his opinions to himself.  But in Levi he found a kindred spirit. Levi said the things that Erwin couldn’t afford to say. He was snarky, but he was not wrong most of the time. This led to the two men spending more and more time together. Erwin would seek out Levi’s company whenever he could. He felt strangely comfortable around this man and came to think of him as a close friend early on. Erwin was a strategic and ambitious person which was ultimately an isolating way of life for him. Levi, on the other hand, admired his determination to make positive changes and strive for humanity’s victory. He enjoyed listening to Erwin talk strategy or opine on the current nuances of politics which they mutually abhorred.  

Erwin was also in possession of quite a number of books which Levi took full advantage of. He had always been an avid reader, and Erwin was more than happy for Levi to stay late in order to read. Levi had had limited access to books in the Underground, so Ewin’s collection might as well have been the world’s largest library. His mind was an active one and these books provided hours of education and entertainment for him. For Erwin, it was an excuse to spend time with Levi. He enjoyed watching Levi discover the works that had sparked something in himself as well and it made for even more interesting conversations between the two. 

One evening as Levi sat in Erwin’s office buried in a book, he happened to glance up at Erwin. It was an innocent enough look, but when he did, he was met with Erwin’s thoughtful gaze on him.  

“If you keep staring like that, you’re going to make me think you’re some kind of pervert.” Levi said pretending to turn back to his reading. Erwin ignored the comment. 

 “Enjoying your book?” he questioned, also pretending to go back to his work.  

“Tsk. No. I just like staring at the pages.” Levi retorted meeting Erwin’s gaze with a hint of a twinkle in his eyes. Erwin shook his head.  

“I walked into that one.” he admitted before returning to his work. Despite himself, he liked the sarcastic jabs that Levi threw. For his own active mind, it was a refreshing change of pace. It kept him on his toes.  

“I do have surprise for you actually.” Erwin said after a long pause. “Don't ask me how or where I got it but-” He reached into his desk and pulled out a small drawstring bag and passed it to Levi. 

“Don’t tell me you got us friendship bracelets.” Levi said with a smirk as he took the little parcel.  

“If I had known that’s what you wanted, I wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of getting you your favorite tea” Erwin smirked back as Levi opened his present. Inside was several servings’ worth of loose-leaf black tea. Levi caught a whiff of its earthy aroma. There was a fruity and perfumy edge to it. Levi breathed it in deeply and let out a long sigh. Erwin saw an actual smile start to form on the dead pan face of Levi’s.  

“I hope you like it.” He said tentatively. Levi looked up at him. There was a sort of boyish happiness on his face that Erwin hadn’t seen before. Erwin breathed a sigh of relief at the sight. It warmed his heart to see this joy in his friend.  

“How did you-?” Levi was amazed. This particular tea had not been easy to get. While everyone knew Levi’s affection for black tea, Levi himself was the only one privy to his true favorite.  

“I have my ways” Erwin said, winking at him.  

Levi suddenly stood up and walked towards the door. “I am making us some tea. Come on, take a break for once.” 

“Oh I, um-” Erwin started. 

“That wasn’t a question, Blondie. Come on.” 

Erwin reluctantly left his work to follow Levi to the kitchen. It was late and the corridors were deserted. The others had likely retired to their barracks for the night. Erwin watched Levi as they went. Just the way he moved fascinated Erwin. They walked down the halls and navigated to a small room with a stove and a kettle that served as a break room of sorts for the officers. After putting the kettle on to boil, Levi found an old teapot and a couple of cups. He washed all three items out before measuring the tea into the teapot. Erwin was mesmerized by the deftness with which Levi moved. It was hard to believe that such a fierce fighter was also so delicate with things like this.  

Erwin sat at the table with a wistful smile on his face. He couldn’t help but admire the care Levi took in preparing their tea. I could get used to seeing this side of Levi more often, he thought. He felt oddly at home like this. For a moment he almost forgot the worries that plagued him. Is this what a world with no more Titans could look like for me? He pondered before checking himself. What are you saying Erwin? You want to enjoy domestic civilian life with...his eyes fixated on Levi as he poured the boiling water into the teapot. He couldn’t shake the warm feeling of comfort and affection for this man. It felt so natural when they were together. Just like this.  

Levi expertly prepared their tea with clinical preciseness. This was going to be the best damn cup of tea Erwin had ever had in his life, he resolved. It was a small token, but it had made Levi feel seen and cared for-a feeling that he had often come to experience in Erwin’s company. How did this man know just what to say and do to make him feel so comfortable? In his 20+ years of existence, Levi had not felt like this since...memories of his mother flashed through Levi’s head before careening to that time he tried to forget. No, not tonight, Levi resolved as he took a deep breath and turned to face Erwin. To his surprise, Erwin was looking straight at him with a contented grin on his face. Levi’s breath caught in his throat slightly and a nearly undetectable blush crept up his cheeks.  

Levi poured them each a cup of tea and before sitting across the table from Erwin. The aroma wafted from their cups. Levi took a sip. It was still quite hot, but it was heavenly. He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly. The stillness of the evening combined with the tea and the delightful company created a feeling of inner calm in Levi. This. This is what life should be. He glanced up at his friend who was taking his first sip as well. He watched Erwin’s face closely to see how he would react. Erwin closed his eyes and a smile appeared on his face. 

“You have good taste, Levi” He commented, witch a chuckle.    

“Shocking, I know.” Levi teased as he took another sip.  

“I am a man with many hidden interests myself, you know.” Erwin replied good naturedly.  

“Oh yeah?” Levi raised his eyebrows. “What kind of hidden interests does an ambitious bastard such as yourself have?” 

Erwin leaned forward. “If I told you, then I wouldn’t be able to surprise you with them later” he said with a wink.  

“Tch. I don’t like surprises much” Levi scoffed.  

“You liked this one.” 

“Tsk” was all Levi could say in response.  

They sat in comfortable silence, enjoying their tea for some time. It was nice to pause if only for a moment to enjoy the finer things in life. Erwin liked that Levi had gotten him to stop with him. Simple pleasures often fell by the wayside for the squad leader due to his laser focus on his career and life goals. Levi knew how to live a simple life, he observed to himself. Maybe that’s why he kept him around. It made him feel more human. Erwin gazed affectionately at his friend. Levi noticed but refrained from making a snide comment about it, even though he felt slightly unnerved by it. Instead, he blushed slightly, and smiled back. Then he quickly looked away, off into the distance.  

“I could almost get used to this.” Levi drawled almost to himself.  

“Hmmhm” was all Erwin could muster. He wasn’t sure if Levi meant the tea or their time together. 

Levi snuck another look in his friend’s direction. Thankfully, the man had turned his attention back to the cup in his hand.  

“Right, well I need to get back to work I’m afraid.” Erwin drained the last of the tea from his cup. 

“Slacker” Levi smirked at him. 

“Indeed” Erwin turned to leave. For a split second he paused. It took all his willpower to fight the overwhelming impulse to stay just like they had been. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to forget his work and just be with Levi. He took a deep breath.  

“Good night, Levi” 

“Night Erwin” 

The squad leader walked towards the door.  

“Hey Erwin” Levi called from the table. Erwin turned to look at his friend. Please stop me from leaving. The thought flashed through his mind. 

“Yes, Levi?” 

“Thank you.” Levi’s expression softened into a smile of genuine gratitude.  

“Of course,” Erwin smiled in return.  

As he trudged back to his office, Erwin was conflicted. Seeing the joy on Levi’s face had made him happy. More and more these days, Erwin found his mind wandering to Levi. He told himself that it was because Levi was his close friend. But deep down he knew there was more to it. Tonight, had brought that “more” to the surface of Erwin’s mind. He had denied himself such things his entire career. He had been content to live a lonely life full of purpose. But tonight, for the first time, he found himself wanting more again. More than his career, more than his goals, he wanted...No I can’t. It will only end in heartache and loss. It is completely inappropriate. I have a mission. That is all that matters. That is my purpose. He willed himself to put those thoughts away. But try as he might, they wouldn’t go away. As he entered his office, he slid against the closed door to the ground, putting his head in his hands. What you want can never be, Erwin. You can’t want this. It is a distraction. You know what you are meant to do.  

But...what if it was possible?  

Alone in his office, he sat on the floor. Eventually, the lights went out and he was left there in the dark. He felt lonely, very lonely. It had never hurt him like this before. Not even when he turned his back on a life with Marie. This was a soul-crushing loneliness that only one person could cure. But he didn’t even know if that person felt the same way. Even if they did, it was pointless to indulge in this...this fantasy of a happy life. And yet, now that he had tasted this kind of happiness, he could never go back.  

Levi watched Erwin leave with a sinking heart. Once alone, he felt an overwhelming sense of loss. The evening had been almost perfect. He had found himself smiling more than he was used to. Being with Erwin was easy. It felt natural, like he had always known this man. Never had he felt like that with anyone. He had begun to let his guard down and yet he didn’t feel afraid to do so. Erwin had always seen through his tough guy façade. Even from the beginning, he had seen through Levi in a very unnerving way. But Levi had needed someone to see him like that. He had wanted it. He glanced at the bag of loose tea leaves that sat on the counter. Such a small thing, but it meant so much. Fucking tea. Why did it have to be tea? It was the one thing that Levi unabashedly loved. Could it be? Did Erwin see him as more than just a friend and comrade? Levi’s heart quickened at the thought. The urge to run after Erwin and confess his feelings nearly overcame Levi. He almost stood up to go to the door. But at the last second, he resisted. Steady there, don’t let your emotions get the better of you. After all, love isn’t something that you get to have. Erwin could never love you like that. Why would he?  

Levi got up and snatched the bag of tea. He rushed to the barracks and flung himself on his bunk. How could he let this get so out of hand? He only had himself to blame, he reasoned. One person shows you a little kindness and just like that you’ve lost your damn mind. You have yourself all worked up over nothing. He rolled onto his side and took out that precious bag. It smelled so good. It’s just tea, dumbass, he told himself. Still, he tucked the little bundle under his pillow as he lay there, wide awake, his mind racing.  

God damn that Erwin Smith.  

[the-traveling-poet]

The R.O.S.E.~ Prologue

Description

The R.O.S.E., or rather the Recovery Operations Squad Experiment put together by Commander Dot Pixis, had so far been a success.

The people of the southern district's desire to have something of their loved ones retrieved from titan territory to bury finally made it to court. Though it had been overruled by Premier Darius Zackly, Pixis found he could not let the issue rest. In an attempt to boost moral for his people, Pixis assigned his top Captain, Aviline Faye, to this new squad. Despite the danger of retrieval, it was decided they must at least try; for the ease of mind for humanity.

But as the walls crumble, Faye and her squad find themselves occupying a new position; under Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps.

Can the two branches learn to get along?

~~~

(This fic will contain potentially sensitive themes, such as; graphic violence, strong language, alcoholism, smoking, general gore, and perhaps some sexual themes later on. I’ll be basing this fic on both the manga and the anime, as well as some added twists and turns added in by yours truly.)

A/N: I’ve decided to post my first fic here as well as on Wattpad, for funsies :p

Taglist: @21aurora @deepzombieyouth @braunsbabe

You can read the rest here, but I’ll continue to post on Tumblr all the same!

Enjoy~

More Chapters

Year 845, Wall Rose, Trost District.

A clear morning sky quickly changed to deep oranges and bright yellows as evening fell across the land of Trost, yet still the many voices of those wandering about the streets below pierced the otherwise still atmosphere around the large city. Summer was only just beginning, and many found the cool air of late spring to be far more favorable weather to stroll about in, over the rains and snows that the month of May had brought them only a couple of weeks prior.

Children ran about as parents watched on in groups with neighbors. Couples sat on benches hand in hand with beverages and pastries bought from their favorite family owned shops, as said shop owners left their stores for the evening to find a drink at their nearest taverns and unwind, before the next day brought them a repeat of the days before.

A typical evening for the city, in all. A city who's only ever known peace through labor and trade.

Yet soon that would change, as a carriage pulled by two chestnut mares made its way up the cobble stone street on its way toward the center of the city.

At its arrival, the coachman climbed down from his seat and started tending to the horses. Behind him, the carriage doors opened on both sides and out climbed three people clad in green cloaks. The tallest of the three approached the coachman and gave him his thanks, then turned and made his way across the stone courtyard, his two accomplices not far behind him.

Just as the sun hit the edge of the horizon over the peak of the walls, they'd crossed the courtyard and stood before a flight of stairs that led them to their destination. And there, at the very top, stood a man flanked by two formally uniformed soldiers posed at attention, with hands clutching at the base of the rifles positioned over their shoulders.

"Commander Erwin!" the man atop the stairs called down. "Wonderful to see you again, my old friend."

Erwin stopped in his tracks before the first step and straightened up to salute to his superior with a polite smile.

"Likewise, Chief Commander Pyxis. May my companions, Captain Hange and Cadet Levi, and I join you the evening?" Erwin returned his friend's greeting, perhaps more formally than he would have. Had this situation not been so dire.

"Of course. You called for this evening to be arranged, did you not?" Pyxis grinned and waved off the guards, before turning his back to the scouts and making for the large wooden doors that led into the city's Main Hall behind him.

"Well? The drinks aren't going to pour themselves. I suggest you make haste and join me, before I change my mind on offering you one," Pyxis chuckled gruffly over his shoulder as the doors opened for him.

Shaking his head with weary smile, Erwin led the way towards the hall before his companions could begin to wonder aloud the nature in which the two Commanders commerced.

Commander Pyxis led the trio into a bright, candle lit room with a weary sigh, his scarred and aging hand coming up to rub at his brow wearily, while his other hand sought out a dark bottle perched on a single stand that was stationed near the door.

The room they now occupied was rustic in nature. Maps from many districts within all three walls were displayed on table tops, pinned alongside stagey boards taking up nearly half of the westward wall. An empty bottle or two accompanied sheathed blades and letter openers on the Commander's wide desk, making it look messy and disarrayed, yet organized all the same somehow.

Pyxis briskly, yet with an ever so slight limp, then made his way to sit behind the large ornate desk sat at the far end of the room, faced back against large windows that overlooked the sprawling city of Trost. Beckoning the trio at the door to come take a seat around a small round table placed just off from the desk, the old man uncorked his bottle with a satisfying 'pop' and grabbed for a clean glass amongst the many that lined a shelf on his left.

As Erwin, Hange, and Levi took their seats, Pyxis began to pour himself a generous amount from the bottle into his glass.

"By chance, should any of you fancy a glass of bourbon?" Pyxis looked to each of them in turn as he spoke. Hange was quick to raise her hand up, but Erwin was even quicker to place her hand back onto the table above her lap.

"A generous offer, thank you, but I'm afraid we will have to decline," Erwin spoke up with a curt smile.

"Ah, I see, more for myself, then," Pyxis mused on, continuing to fill his glass.

Hange watched on with an envious frown.

A moment of silence followed as the Chief Commander easily downed half his glass and took a steady breath before their meeting began.

"So tell me, Erwin; What brings you to Trost this fine evening?" Pyxis began.

"We came to discuss a situation regarding the Scout Regimen with you, sir. I wrote to you about this in brief detail last week," spoke Erwin, his lip slightly downturned.

"Oh? I suppose I recall receiving such a note. Usually you come to me alone for these sorts of things, Commander Erwin," Pyxis raised a curious brow, shooting a quick glance towards the two other scouts sat at the left and right of Erwin. Erwin nodded at this, and quickly explained.

"I had them accompany me to give their opinions on the matters I must discuss with you, and to have them overall observe. They have witnessed firsthand today the issue that has arisen, so I saw their attendance as acceptable. As you know, we returned earlier this evening from the expedition held early this morning. I felt this timing to be adequate."

"Fair enough. Now, tell me," Pyxis briefly paused to take a gulp of his bourbon before continuing,

"What was so urgent you felt the need to reach out to me and plan this meeting just after arriving back within the walls?"

Here Erwin turned to Hange, allowing her to take the lead, to the novice scientist's great surprise. She quickly stood and saluted to Pyxis enthusiastically, who merely raised his hand dismissively, urging her to speak.

"Well, sir," Hange began, "We've begun to notice an increase in enemy numbers outside the walls. More often than not, they merely wander aimlessly until provoked. Lately, they appear to be more...aggressive? Without prompt they have begun to act on aggression, and seek out our troops at a far enough distance that they shouldn't have minded our presence.

Also, their appearance near the outermost wall has become more and more frequent. They gather in groups, behaving frantically."

Here Hange took a pause, unable to uphold formalities any longer as her excitement took over.

"It's nothing I've quite seen before in my years of extensively researching them, which is actually quite fascinating! It's as if they've become motivated to migrate inwards in groups, to act erratically! I've been meaning to capture one or two live ones...or perhaps three live specimens...to examine them closer at hand! And I-"

Hange's increasingly excited rambling was cut short by a scoff from Levi.

"You're rambling, brat." he muttered to himself under his breath. He gave the scientist a pointed look from under his lashes, brows furrowed with crossed arms over his chest as he leaned back in the rickety chair.

"Well, in a way, maybe, but uh, anyways!" Hange continued rather sheepishly, after a look towards her comrade.

"They're becoming so invasive, and so aggressive, we're running lower and lower on experienced soldiers who can safely keep them at bay!"

"There's only so many places the combat veterans can be at one time to save and kick ass," Levi added quietly.

Erwin nodded his agreement to this, but otherwise stayed silent as he observed Pixis's eyes light up with a shine akin to realization. Over what, Erwin couldn't be certain. And thus he spoke once more.

"And that is why we have come; to bring this matter to your attention, and to find a solution. We realize the next batch of soldiers to come from bootcamp won't be ready for another six months, and we're losing veterans left and right through this aggression. I felt it appropriate to alert the higher branches, in case of catastrophe."

Erwin concluded with calloused hands crossing with one another on the table, as he leaned forward to catch the elder's eyes.

Pyxis's brows furrowed in thought.

After a quiet moment, he finally met Erwin's inquisitive stare as a thought entered his mind.

"Nocturnal expeditions." He said simply, offering no further comment.

"Nocturnal?" Hange exclaimed in bewilderment, her nose scrunching up in confusion to such a notion.

"Why yes, Captain Hange. The titans, as we know, aren't active during nocturnal hours. Thus, it's a little easier to dispose of them." The man continued, leaning back in his chair to take another generous gulp of the burning liquid in his glass. For a moment, he seemed to hesitate to speak more, but with a sigh he leaned back to rest his elbows on the polished wood of his desk.

"I personally have my own squad designed for these missions specifically." Pyxis spoke slowly, as though hesitant to share this information.

"You have your own personalized squad?" Erwin's brows shot up in surprise, calluses hands coming up to grip the edge of the table.

"I do. I personally named them the R.O.S.E. or rather, the Recovery Operations Squad Experiment. Currently, they are under my supervision and command. I have since elected to keep this information to myself, as the idea itself is merely an experiment. But, seeing as this mess is spreading, perhaps it needs brought to light."

Pyxis's offhanded comment made Erwin raise a brow, almost in disbelief.

Seeing his hesitation, Pyxis continued.

"They specialize in retrieving the remains of our fallen soldiers an hour after nightfall; to ensure the titans' inactivity for the squad's safety. There was a request from the civilians of the walls; a request to have something retrieved of their lost loved ones after battle. Word of the request made its way up to me, and I acted accordingly. Although, it might have been behind the backs of many."

Pyxis gulped down his remaining whisky, taking a deep breath after the burning liquid quenched his thirst. Yet after a moment of silence, he continued quietly, almost as if to himself.

"This does not mean, in fact, that they remain safe. It gets more intense than one would think." Pyxis commented in thought.

"How so?" Hange asked excitedly, leaning forward on the table, very interested to learn more about these creatures than they already knew.

"Well, my dear." Pyxis trailed off a moment, as if remembering something regretful.

"This issue you have brought to my attention...This is not the first I've heard of it. For weeks now, my squad has recounted similar instances and received injury." He revealed solemnly, staring down at the glass now gripped tightly in his hand.

"Sometimes, these titans...they become active in the dead of night." Pixis solemnly replied.

────────────────────────────────────────

[honeybleed]

strain ⋆ erwin smith

content and warnings:

female reader, she/her pronouns, black coded reader, canon-verse, angst (set just around early season 1 but skips to end of season 2) , cliché angst (reader’s brother died in the survey corps)

author’s note:

i don’t think i made erwin ooc in this, he’s an asshole because he’s familiar with the reader, so much so that he’s unafraid to show the ruthless side that got him the commander role

word count: 1.3k

Your chest burned.

As white-hot fury overtook your body, your senses, and your thoughts, people began to back away from you and mutter how crazy you were.

You burst into the tavern, earning bewildered stares. You made a beeline for him and him only.

"Woah, woah, woah!" A voice called out. Some tried to rush to pull you away but it was too late.

Captain Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith was doused in icy, subzero water and a raggedy pail with splinters and holes hung on his head like a dunce cap.

"How dare you show your face?!" You screeched.

He didn't react, whatsoever. It was one of his subordinates who rushed to remove the bucket. It was his other subordinates you attempted to restrain and chuck you out of the establishment as you thrashed against them.

He held out a hand as if to signal them to let you go. And despite their disagreements, their Captain's orders were absolute.

His blond hair which was usually neatly combed was now plastered to his forehead. The water seeped through his shirt, to reveal his taut pectorals and abdominals.

You were breathing heavily as you met his steely gaze.

No anger. No hurt. It was just blank. It was terrifying.

"You are going to the deepest pits of hell, Smith."

"Lady! That's enough! I don't know what kind of crap you're spewing, but Captain Erwin is a hero-"

"Of course, you would think that you brainwashed numbskull. You're all pawns in his game! He will lead you to your deaths in a heartbeat!" You screeched.

Your statement was met with silence. The rowdy patrons were at a loss for words. It was whispered across the inner walls. That Erwin led suicide missions. But hearing a commoner say it so boldly was a shock and a half.

Nobody visits. And you're fine with that.

You prefer it that way.

So when there was a knock at the door about two hours later after the scene you caused, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Nevertheless, you opened the front door and there he stood. His clothes were still visibly damp but it was clear he attempted to dry up.

"Did that little stunt of yours back there make you feel good?" Erwin said, peering down at you, eyes stormy. The man was terrifying.

Erwin didn't need to be threatening.

He didn't need to raise his voice or say vulgar words to be intimidating. The hollowness in his words and eyes was enough.

"No. Nothing will feel good unless I watch you firsthand bleed to death." You spat. "Slow and torturous. That would really get me off."

"Funnily enough, that's exactly how he died." He stated. You furrowed your brows at him.

"He and a few others were cornered by a Titan. I don't know what was wrong with this particular Titan, but it didn't eat him. It just tore him limb from limb, with its teeth until he was a stub and left him. We found him a day or two later. Maybe if we found him sooner we could return him. Unable to be of use to anybody but still alive."

"You really are the lowest of the low. I wonder why you're held in such regard, I wish people knew how awful you really are. That polite front is all a facade."

Erwin snorted.

"You blame me...but every member knows joining comes with a risk of death. Including him."

"I hope every person who died under your orders torments you in your sleep." You hissed, then shutting the door in his face. He wedged his foot between the door and glared at you.

"You don't hate me because of the people I let die. You don't hate me because your brother died. You hate me because I didn't choose you." He replied.

Causing you to shove him with such force, he nearly lost his balance, then slammed the door.

It wasn't always like this between you and Erwin. Believe it or not, there was a point in time when you adored him. A little too much.

You remember it.

The day he gently took your hand in his large, calloused one and met your eyes with his own steely, blue ones.

The sensation of his lips against your skin sent a burst of butterflies within your stomach and a shudder throughout your spine.

Something always lurked within him and you did your best to ignore that. You remember days when his friends began to become irritated. He wanted more.

So much more.

-

That familiar burn in your chest returned.

"Why are you here?" You said, haughtily as you saw him standing outside the front of your house, as you returned from the marketplace.

Your eyebrows furrowed together.

Erwin looked nothing like he usually did. Sporting a five o'clock shadow, a bed head, and the most shocking detail of all.

One arm.

When your eyes settled, you immediately dropped the basket of produce and the vegetables tumbled and rolled across the grassy land.

Ten minutes. Ten minutes and he had to leave, as he followed after you inside your home.

"I don't think I could ever forgive you for what you said to me that night." You said, voice shakily.

"Unable to be of use to anybody but still alive."

Those words stabbed and stabbed at you over the years.

Whenever you heard the news about the Walls and other affairs, and Erwin and the other Survey Corps members' names popped up that one sentence went for the jugular every time.

It's not as if you can dish it and not take it. You never cared when Erwin hurled insults back at you. However, your precious younger brother?

He adored Erwin. He was his role model, and for him to speak about him in that manner caused blood to roar in your ears.

"I didn't come here to ask for forgiveness." He replied.

"So why did you come here?" You hissed.

"Because I'm a selfish and greedy man."

You bit your tongue.

You despise Erwin Smith.

So you will not comfort or reassure him.

"I wanted to see you. My time is coming. Things are shifting. So before I finally am dragged to the depths of hell that you wish so badly, I want to see your face."

"You were wrong."

"I was?"

"I never hated you for not choosing me. I hated you for stealing the only one I had in this world. My flesh and blood. But maybe if I never bothered with you, he'd be with me. So really, I hate myself."

You twisted your lips to the side, then turned away from his gaze.

“I blame you because it’s easier. You told me the day he got into the training corps. It’s his decision. It’s his dream and he’s his own person. But that somehow makes it worse.”

“So you knew all this time?” He responded.

“Forgive me for being a tad bit irrational about losing my younger brother, Captain Smith.” You spat, venomously.

“I had a reason to say that.” He said, firmly. You raised a brow, then gestured to the clock.

“Seems like your ten minutes are up, Captain Smith. You best be on your way, I’m sure you have pressing matters to attend to.”

“Call out my name.”

“…Huh?”

“Please just…say my name.”

You may never smile at me again, but let me remember the way my name is spoken from those beautiful lips. Even if my name is accursed to you.

“Bye, bye Erwin.” You said, monotonously as you opened the door. He began to take his leave, then lowered his head down to your ear.

The words made your heartbeat quicken, and you grab onto the doorknob for dear life.

And with that, that was the last time you saw him.

-

“You remind me of a time in my life when I wasn't so desperate to know the hidden depths of this world.”

That was the last words that the Thirteenth Commander of the Survey Corps had whispered to you.

“You really were a selfish man..” You said with a mirthless laugh as you stood at the headstone, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip trying to push back the tears that stung your waterline. “Erwin Smith.”

[randomficrecss]

Eruri fic rec <3

Part 1

ugh they are so perfect, this is one of my most fav ships ever!!

these are gonna be all longer fics like 90K+ words but i’ll definitely post another part with shorter ones!

The Blue by bowowline

E | 176.1K | 14/14 | Hitman Levi, AU modern setting, Slowburn, Smut

“Look, kid. Don’t listen to what Uri says, you hear?” Kenny combs his hair with his hand, although there’s not a single strand out of place. “Don’t ever listen to him. You only have one kinda people you have to listen to. You know that, yes? Who do you listen to? Tell me,” he orders, kind of frantic.

“I only listen to the Family,” Levi says absently.

As a child, Levi refused to finish a job. He has not made one blunder after that. Twenty years later, fate catches up to him again.

Birds of Paradise by obiwhat12

No rating (check tags) | 94.9K | 14/14 | Hurt/Comfort, Sick Levi, Domestic Fluff, PTSD

On an expedition gone awry, Erwin and Levi find themselves stranded in the forest, fighting for their lives. They are graced with no other option except to put their faith in one another, despite their vast differences.

Under the same bright stars, they discover a new kind of consolation in each other that neither has known before.

In These Fallen Leaves by masksarehot

E | 210.2K | 32/32 | Temporary Character Death, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Smut

[Post-Basement canon-divergent AU] Ten years after the end of the war, Levi, still heartbroken over Erwin's death, is living out a quiet existence with a few Survey Corps survivors. But signs are beginning to surface that Erwin is not truly dead, and they're getting too vivid to ignore...

This fic explores (canon-divergent) choices that the survivors made after Erwin's death and their consequences for the world. It's also about healing, and Erwin and Levi learning to put words to things that have always been unspoken between them. And beneath it all are the paths, whispering to them that the fate of Paradis still rests upon their shoulders...

Corps-à-Corps by onthearrow (loved this one)

E | 223.6K | 25/25 | AU fencing, Slowburn, Smut

Meeting people in New York City is hard. When Erwin’s last good friend moves away for greener pastures, he joins the local fencing club in his Upper East Side neighborhood in hopes of rekindling both an old hobby, and his wilting social life.

-OR-

The newest member of Levi's fencing club has it all it all-- money, a highly successful career, overbearingly good looks. Levi doesn't have any of that. But he sure as hell wants Erwin Smith anyway.

The Means by calacreda

E | 130.2K | 16/16 | Post-ACWNR, Pre-AOT, Prostitution, Slowburn

'He hears him say “Do not tell a soul, Levi” and wants to laugh. Tell anyone? To what end? So that others have the images that Levi now has running through his head; of grabbing hands and harness marks, hard words and soft lips, of lies upon lies upon lies in a desperate attempt to get to the truth?'

Levi begins to notice Erwin leaving HQ alone and not returning until the dead of night.

Slow-burn, pre-show Eruri.

He Chose Titans by masksarehot

E | 486.1K | 43/43 | Semi-Canon Prequel, Truama, Fluff, Smut

Erwin swore he would never again be distracted from his fight against the titans, but when an unexpected bond begins to form with Levi, he must decide whether he will follow his heart or his head.

Mail Order Spy by 35g (Jaackdaw)

M | 230K | 24/24 | Slowburn, Espionage, PTSD, Fake/Pretend Relationship

2091. Titans are no longer the frail oddities they once were. They're changing, growing. Governments aren’t changing with them. The International Military Police is tightening their leash. Erwin Smith orders a spy.

Dresden by hedera_helix (one of my all time favs)

M | 334.4K | 26/26 | AU, Historial, WWII

When Levi acquired his false identification he knew that the key to survival would be to stay unnoticed and to contain the bitterness and anger he feels inside himself. As the tides of war start to turn against Germany, however, Levi finds himself in a position to make a choice.

CODA by crownlessk_ing

M | 222.2K | 27/27 | AU 80’s, Musicians, Canon Disabled Character, Period-Typical Homophobia, War Flashbacks

France, 1986 - The last time Erwin was in Paris, he had it all. Youth, love, success, and his place in some of the most prestigious orchestras of the world. His cello had been his faithful companion through it all, and many said Erwin was the most talented cellist of his time. With such a bright future, it was easy to pretend everything was perfect.

But a lot had changed in ten years.

Now, all he had left were ghosts in his shadows, blurred memories of what used to be, and a body broken beyond repair.

He hoped going back to where it all started would be enough to recover what he’d lost: his ability to hold a cello, to feel, to love. He’d been wrong so far. But there may be another soul just as broken as his, someone who was also wandering in search of their own missing pieces.

Final Tour by gouguruheddo

M | 131.9K | 22/22 | Friends to lovers, PTSD, Modern America, Mid-Life Crisis, grief/Mourning, Trust Issues, Hurt/Comfort

It's been twenty years in the army, and Levi is finally home--retired, bored, directionless. The world has moved on without him, including his friend Erwin. He struggles to learn to adjust, to deal with his nightmares, to flourish in a world he's never understood, only to find that Erwin is dealing with the same thing.

Pledge by EllaBesmirched (El_Bell)

E | 123.9K | 15/15 | AU college, Frat Boy Erwin, ex-thug Levi, Slowburn, Light Hazing,

Levi is not in a fucking frat.

The Laws of Survival by pasiphile

E | 120.8K | 7/7 | Slowburn, Dom/Sub Undertones, PTSD, Non-binary Hange

His friends are dead, and now he’s trapped in a world where he has no voice, no control, and no one on his side except for the bastard who forced him to join in the first place.

Trust doesn’t just grow in one day.

Vespers by Valisi (series)

E | 109.5K | 12 Works | read tags

A series of stories detailing Erwin Smith and Levi Ackerman's private life together. Pieces can be read individually or as a whole.

Some pieces will reference things that have happened in past parts of the story, but it's nothing so major that you'll feel left out.