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ohshitmomitsawritingblog · 5 years

Note

Aight my friend I'm here to give you your first post I got you For the Alphabet Soup: Obito, Madara, Deidara, Kakashi, Zetsu, Kisame, Sasori. You ofc do not need to do all, just given some variety; pick and choose, also choose whatever letters you want, my brain can't comprehend so many letters rn Have fun ily

Puca bless u this first post is gonna be a Fat One Folks

Deidara

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Deidara wants to do new stuff all the time, full stop. He’s perpetually uncomfortable with a distinct routine, which he’d consider being stagnant. With his S/O, he’d be down to do anything once - maybe the one bit of consistency in their relationship is his need to be around his partner on a pretty regular basis.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He thinks complaining to his partner is a good excuse to tell them about his day.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Surprisingly pretty understanding! I’ve always seen Deidara as being incredibly independent and assumes others feel similarly, so it’s not like he’ll ever be overly dotting, but he will be considerate. In pain? Go lay down. Need help with something? He’ll lend a hand. That being said, he can be a little egotistical so while he anticipates his partners physical needs often, he can be apt to not check in with them emotionally and sometimes doesn’t consider their views on things. Youth, ya know?

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

‘Hey, you!’

Lmao, he’s a little rude and not the type for being publically sweet to his S/O - in fact I think he’d see it as a kind of weakness or source of embarrassment - so he’d probably come off as a little gruff when addressing them, as if subconsciously compensating for how sweet he really is on them.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Decent. He’s not overly passionate, but he gives surprisingly comforting kisses. But. There’s a learning curve. His first kiss with his S/O involved a lot of knocking of noses and clacking teeth. He takes their face by the chin when he kisses.

Kakashi

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Kakashi probably likes his S/O because they’re tenacious and on the ball in terms of their own goals - of course he 100% supports them doing their own thing, and he deeply believes that they’ll achieve whatever they set their mind to. So much so that it doesn’t cross his mind that they could fail.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Their name. Kakashi nearly passed out reading very innocent phrases from Icha Icha, I think he’d actually choke on his own tongue if he even attempted calling his S/O something like ‘dear’ for like. Years. That’s reserved for the bedroom. 😌

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Reading! Exploring the village! I get the impression that Kakashi and his S/O are partial to late night dinner and drinks with friends - especially on cool, smokey nights. Going to obscure bookshops is a big second, and I can see Kakashi enjoying quiet, laid back art scenes - that giant ass painting in his apartment speaks of a taste for impressionist scenery. I feel like Kakashi likes washing the dishes or cooking dinner with his S/O best! They talk about their days, or they just enjoy the silence of working together.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Sitting next to them. Existing in the same space. If his partner is the type to clearly need physical affection during a crisis, I can see Kakashi being the type to sit next to them and press his shoulder to their’s, or to rub small circles on their back. If they’re crying or are generally on the shorter side, he’ll press his mouth and nose into their hair. It’s his way of telling them ‘I see you, and I’m not turning your pain away’.

Furthermore, Kakashi struggles with himself and what his needs as a person are, and isn’t sure how to relate to his partner beyond being a solider or comrade, and desperately doesn’t want to invalidate his S/O’s feelings, as his own have in the past. He also has no idea what to say, other than going off his his own desperate attempts to make sense of his grief, anxiety, and sadness, but often feels like that doesn’t cut it. The pain may, at the root, be similar, but his S/O’s suffering his their own, so he tries not to say anything at all. I think he especially deeply reflects his S/Os feelings when they’re feeling hurt or sad and it shows in those small physical cues.

To quote Cole from Dragon Age: his hurt touches their’s.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Kakashi kisses are electrifying - he’s so soft and sweet but so intense. Lots of pecks are his style versus one long kiss. When he first kisses his S/O, it’s almost a little sad, though they can’t place why at the time. He cups his S/O’s face in his hands when he kisses them.

Kisame

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Hiking! Swimming! I feel like Kisame would be the type to like to distance himself from civilization during his scant bits and pieces of free time, and would genuinely enjoy the experience nature would offer, any time of year. When he feels restless, I could see him wondering away from his campsite and just exploring the area. Alternatively, I can see him enjoying the stillness of it all. I can see him enjoying a deserted stretch of beach with his S/O, not a soul around but them, watching the spring grey clouds or the washed out blue waves and just taking it all in. Very zen.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Kisame makes it a policy to have zero secrets from his S/O. He doesn’t, by nature, have a taste for lying, but his work and duty have dictated that he lie or, at best, stretch the truth more times than he can count over the years, and now he despises. If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed. That being said, Kisame is human, and I think there are things he’s done that he elects not to volunteer unless directly asked.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Kisame understands his partner and their needs well - I don’t think he rushes into relationships (in fact I think he shies away from anything more than casual interactions more often than not) and I don’t think he wouldn’t take his time truly understanding how his partner ticks. He doesn’t pry, but Kisame is a good spy and a smart man and he observes what his S/O says and does (and reads between those lines) on a consistent basis.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

If Kisame’s partner is female, I feel like he definitely calls her by ‘woman’ affectionately. He’s a little old fashioned like that and I can picture him growing up around adults who referred to their own partners like that. Kisame is one of those men who expresses his affection for his partner through the way he speaks (low pitched voice, soft and just loud enough for you to hear, for instance) versus what he says, so nicknames aren’t really his thing.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He kisses tenderly, and is kind of stiff - but the more he does it, the more he falls in step with his partner and their likes and dislikes. Not good or bad. The first kiss with his S/O was a simple press of their lips, nothing super passionate, and a little awkward.

Sasori

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Absolutely does not like his routine messed with, and, presumably, neither would his partner. Sasori seems like one of those people who are absolutely adverse to any kind of change and isn’t too thrilled with the idea of ‘spicing things up’. He’s there, he’s present, that’s enough right?

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

One of the simplest, most profound expressions of love for Sasori is acts of service - particularly putting a blanket over his partner if they fall asleep without any covers. He’ll never admit it, though.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

That’s a big ol’ no from me dawg. Sasori is just set in his ways and kind of a prick when it comes to anything messing with his plans and how he views the world. If his S/O did slowly influence or help him overcome anything though, I think it would be his consistent rejection of intimate relationships. Like, Sasori has spies, Sasori has informants, Sasori has Akatsuki teammates and associates, but hardly any of them see his ‘true form’ and even less actually like him. He’s a hard man - whose hard on others - who very ruthlessly destroyed his relationship with his sole living relative AND single handedly threw his birthplace into chaos by murdering the third Kazekage.

For him to even toy with the idea of having an S/O, he’d have to really, REALLY like them. He’d have to put aside a lot of subconscious fears and complexes and decide, at the vert least, that he wants them. That’s a huge change, for him, and not one he can fully commit to 24/7. Basically, his S/O changes him before they even get together. Good luck trying to squeeze anything else out of him.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

‘Woman’/‘brat’/‘boy’. Sasori is kind of a dick and he definitely means it as half a put down, half letting anyone in the vacinity know who his S/O belongs to.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Noooope. Sasori doesn’t do affection well, isn’t super inclined to kisses even when he has a human body, and as a puppet, he’s kind of stiff. The first kiss with his S/O is a quick press of the lips to the head or temples - not much of a kiss at all, but for Sasori, it means a lot.

Madara

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Have you watched Naruto?

Yes. Absolutely. Madara has lost so much, and when he connects with someone enough to presumably fall in love with them and pursue a relationship, it’s for the long haul. Madara’s love means Madara’s protection means Madara’s almost obsessive worrying he hides under twenty layers of coo cool, smooth boyfriend material. Worst case scenario, Madara will kill a man for his S/O, and won’t feel bad about it. Worser case scenario, he’d endeavor to create a false dream world where there’s no strife, war, or death, and no choice. ☺️

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Physical activities! Hunting, rock climbing, falconry, hell, even cleaning - i can see Madara’s idea of a relaxing time being cleaning out a shed or re-organizing his office! Presumably his S/O would either be similarly inclined or would indulge him. It does need done after all! There’s something about these all consuming, mentally stimulating activities that i can see Madara truly enjoying. He’d come out feeling refreshed. When feeling less adventurous, or maybe even, gasp, lazy, I can see Madara and his S/O playing board games, practicing calligraphy together, or painting.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

In a long term relationship? Madara definitely sees a future where his S/O is Lady or Lord of the house, deeply involved with clan matters, and maybe, if they’re wanting and capable, with some kids running around. Keep in mind I imagine large families were common amongst the Uchiha pre-Konoha merge, so his idea of ‘some’ probably means five at the least. He has no real expectations of how his S/O would orchestrate themselves - beyond well, that is. He likes them for them, and doesn’t deign to even toy with the idea of putting them in a box, even in his head. The bottom line is: they’re together, and they’re strong together, and the world they build together is sturdier than the one they came into.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

A repeat question, but on the more emotional side: I think Madara, for the longest time, genuinely wishes for a future in which he and his S/O live quietly, and well. It’s in that bittersweet way though, the way someone wishes when they don’t necessarily think it’ll ever come true.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Not well. Madara is naturally inclined to pinning and has some intense separation anxiety - which no one would ever know because he’d rather die than show just how much he misses his S/O. Madara, paraphrasing John Mulany, stuffs all his feelings deep deep deep down, and he plans to die like that. He just doesn’t cope, and the longer they’re apart the grumpier he gets. He pouts when alone, almost - but not quite - spaces out during meals, and busies himself with the finer details of cleaning equipment. Anything to shake the creeping dread that digs up his spine. Around his S/O’s return, he presses kisses to the nap of his S/O’s neck, just at their hairline, when they’re finally alone; if still around people, Madara has a habit of watching their neck and mouth, but says nothing that gives himself away.

Obito

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Going under the assumption that he has an S/O during the canon timeline? It’s not the sweetest confession in the world. He’s very to the point: his S/O is his. I can’t ever see him saying the world love, even if his body language expresses it loud and clear. He’ll run his fingers over their cheeks, press his forehead to their’s, and his stare? His stare could peel wallpaper, kill, and undress his S/O all at the same time. He’s just real intense and tongue tied at the same time.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

As a kid? Obito is painfully obvious. As an adult with all the maladjusted neurosis boiling under that hood of his? It’s not at all obvious. Obito is a busy man, what with the stirring of many pots and scheming and LARPing as Tobi, local terrorist cell’s local idiot. If he does show his love for his S/O, it’s like a leaking faucet; he doesn’t mean to touch their hand with the back of his, but he does it anyway. He doesn’t mean to look at them as they retreat from a meeting, but he does. It’s the little, tender things that hemorrhage from his cold half dead little heart.

Bonus: if this is a post ‘canon’ au where Obito lives and is the weird, kind of unstable, under house arrest for international dream crimes uncle of the Boruto gen, I can see him being much more open. Super clingy - prone to mood swings where he can become his old, cold self, but that’s just the package deal - a little pouty, and incredibly sweet on his S/O. He’s all hugs when they gets home, his hand pressed firmly to their lower back as they walk the village (probably breaking all kinds of rules in the process) and way more inclined to agree with you or go along with your plans. Everyone knows he’s his S/O’s man because he’s proud and loud about it.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Their relationship is deeply important to Obito. I would say in terms of importance, only the moon’s eye plan trumps his S/O - how he reconciles with these two deeply potentially conflicting facts? He doesn’t. He just assumes they’re on board. Other than that, he will put his partner above everything and everyone else, with an emphasis on their physical safety.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Dominate, even in a post-canon-I’m-alive! AU. Obito has an unhealthy relationship with control, and while he’s not one to want to dominate his S/O’s will, he would almost expect his S/O to follow his lead.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Very very romantic and cliche, although Obito reigns in his more dreamy impulses (flowers or picnics, stuff he daydreamed about as a kid) well. His direct displays of affection or ‘dates’ are few and far in between, and very lowkey. He’ll bring his S/O something he’ll know they like - a string of dried flowers grown only in a particular a temple from the land of Fire, a polished, perfectly oval turquoise rock from the land of Wind. He’ll mail them to his S/O or, more likely, leave these little gifts in places he knows they’ll find them. His idea of a good time, of a happy time with his S/O, is quiet nights where plans and identities are put aside, and they can rest or talk about nothing or go for a simple walk. His biggest daydream he still toys with as an adult is getting caught in the rain and kissing his S/O while they’re both soaked.

Zetsu

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Well Zetsu is an alien prince(?), and a plant, and generally kind of weird. That being said, I think he’s very upfront about his S/O and their relationship! There’s definitely a gap in time where he talks nonstop about his S/O and uses any chance to bring them up. Obito toys with the idea of offing them just to get him to shut up. In terms of kissing or physical affection in front of others though? He’s a nervous wreck/directly dismisses the idea.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Honestly, I feel like his S/O would have to confess to him, rather than the other way around. They casually mention liking him, he scoffs, only for them to insist, and it ends with a very vaguely embarrassed plant ‘accepting’ their feelings.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

What can you do with a plant man? Probably spying, or exploring various places - he isn’t particularly in awe of nature like Kisame, but he likes the quiet and having his S/O all to himself. I can see him liking cards, too.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

‘Babe’ comes to mind - he doesn’t quite get the whole ‘affectionate nickname’ thing humans do, but he likes the sound of babe in particular.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Nope! Zetsu is just happy to have his S/O present, even if they’re presumably just another human who eventually will be swept away in his mother’s plans. He still loves them, and he’s willing to do whatever they’d like in the time they have together.

#obito uchiha #sasori #kakashi hatake #madara uchiha #kisame #zetsu #naruto imagines #obito x reader #sasori x reader #kakashi x oc #madara x reader #kisame x reader #deidara x reader #deidara #zetsu x reAder #fluff alphabet

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jabbajambler · 3 years

Text

Powerless

The Mandalorian/Din Djarin x f!OC

Word Count: 2,090

*GIF by @babyyodastuff*

The bar was vacant except for a few tipsy aliens. Their words slurred together as they spoke and slung their arms around one another. They started to sing some sort of song, but the lyrics were soon lost in the puddle of sounds. It was then nothing more than a hum that drifted in the air.

Honestly, any sound would've been better than this conversation. Every look in that cruel woman's green eyes made me want to spring across the table with my saber. I was sure Din wouldn't complain too much.

"Trask is a black market port," Bo Katan leaned against the table with a determined look in her eyes. There was something lying beneath that stare, something she wanted. "They're staging weapons that have been bought and sold with the plunders of our planet. We're seizing those weapons and using them to retake our home world."

I laughed, choking on my drink as I tried to hold it in. Mandalore? Was she serious? That planet was a wasteland and it was partially her fault. I could feel her cold glare on me before she continued.

"Once we've done that," her voice was darker now, "we'll seat a new Mandalore on the throne."

"That planet is cursed," Din spoke with ease as I struggled to hold back my grin. "Anyone who goes there dies. Once the Empire knew they couldn't control it, they made sure no one else could either."

I shrugged, "with the Empire gone, who knows, but that planet is a wasteland."

Bo Katan's hungry green eyes focused on mine. "And who exactly are you?"

My throat felt dry at her mocking question. She held a slight grin on her face as she tilted her head to the side, batting her eyes as though there were no hints of resentment. I still tried to hold my head high despite the feeling of her staring down at me. "I am Myrah Koor," I said, my stomach dropping slightly as I said it, "adopted daughter of Aaryn Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi. I suspect you remember them, don't you?"

"I do. You don't like me," she rolled her eyes and placed her hands beneath her chin, "why? From what I remember, I helped your family."

"You betrayed my family," I snapped as the overwhelming anger started to swell in my chest. "You're a cheat and a liar and-"

Bo Katan scoffed, "don't believe everything you hear." She shrugged me off and turned back to Din whose momentary focus was on me. I could see how my face flushed red and warm in the reflection of his visor.

"Our enemies want to separate us," her gaze drifted over to me quickly, "but Mandalorians are stronger together"

I struggled to hold in my fury as the heat consumed my body. I swore one more sly comment and she would have wished she wore the helmet all the time. The gentle brush of leather against my hand distracted me, pulling me from my rage-filled thoughts. Din's hand was quick to pull away from mine before the others had questioned it.

As if we weren't already as dramatic as possible on the boat. Surely they weren't that naive.

"That's not part of my plan," Din answered Bo quickly as he turned his gaze to the child who watched the exchange curiously. "I've been quested to return this Child to the Jedi."

Her eyes flickered between me and the child. "And she wasn't good enough?" she hummed, "what do you know of the Jedi?"

"Nothing. I was hoping you would help me by Creed."

Her lips lifted into a small, smug smile as she looked between her other Mandalorian friends, "I can lead you to one of their kind," she spoke quietly, "but first, we need your help on a mission?"

I scoffed, "what sort of mission do we need to help you with? You three seem to be perfectly capable on your own.'

"We usually are," she snapped before taking a deep breath and straightening in her seat, "but this is more intense than what we usually deal with on Trask."

"Let me guess," I leaned forward in my seat with my arms folded on the table, "imperials? I'm shocked you don't feel like betraying the galaxy and go side with them. After all, isn't that what you're good at?"

Koska, her brunette friend, had to hold her back from lunging at me across the table. Even the slight squeeze on my arm told me to settle down. If I went any further, I was sure to have a knife in my chest or her hands wrapped around my neck until I blacked out. I certainly wasn't going to die at her hands.

"Yes," Koska finished for Bo Katan as she and their other friend tried to calm her down, "they're imperial and highly guarded. We will provide more details at sunrise. Should we meet here?"

Din quickly shook his head, "meet at the west docks. We'll rendezvous there in the morning."

"Right, well," she huffed, "you should probably get going."

The hand on my arm lifted me from my seat before I could fit in another snarky remark. I couldn't even shout anything on my way out because we were out in a flash. I almost thought Din forgot the kid with the way he tugged me out of the building.

"What were you thinking?" he snapped once we reached the cool, night air.

I shrugged, "I was thinking that she was a traitor to her family and mine. Listen, she carries a long history with her, one that I'm not too fond of. Let's leave it at that."

"Fine."

The docks were so empty at night. Or was it morning? It felt like we had accompanied Clan Kryze for ages. Each stare was full of threats, maybe even promises, of destruction. Bo Katan knew the weight of her words and how they would carry with Din. She knew that the child was everything to us and if she could use us to her benefit, she would.

It wasn't like it would cause her any grief. She'd done it many times before. To her, people who suffered from strong emotions were simply pawns in her game. As though we deserved to suffer from loving something so much.

The child, I mean.

My family must be under some sort of Kryze-Curse where we are forced to do their bidding. I wish I could break it. I would like to be the last sort-of-Kenobi to suffer by their hands.

The air smelled like fish. Dead fish. It was absolutely horrid yet the child couldn't get enough. He smiled sleepily as he breathed in the air. The moon lit up the dark sky and reflected across the vast ocean. The light rippled across the waves so perfectly, I almost thought it was a dream.

As we journeyed towards the Razor Crest, the wood creaked. Every single step was followed by a small sound of it bending beneath our boots.

Step.

Creak.

Step

Creak.

The monotonous sound was followed by the slight splash of the waves against the wood. It felt like the dock was moving with the water. Honestly, it probably was. Who knew how far down the posts went and the planet was almost entirely ocean. It wasn't such a far-fetched idea.

We no longer had to await the painfully slow door of the Razor Crest thanks to the gaping hole that took its place. In some ways, it was nice. Still, a part of me worried about being robbed in our sleep. That is, if we had any valuables left.

"We could get a motel room if you want," Din's gentle voice floated through the air. He sounded shy, almost ashamed of the state the ship was in.

"No," I gave him a weary smile, "we'll just be careful. There may be more weird aliens out to kill us."

He breathed out a huff of air, a quiet laugh if you could even call it that, and shook his head. "Right. As if you can't handle that."

"If I can't, I know I have you right beside me," I held the child close to my chest as I sat on the edge of the cot. At least one thing was still intact. My eyes drifted to the small hammock above me as the child reached for it. His brown eyes were wide and his lips trembled as he struggled to grab it. I breathed out a soft chuckle and lifted him into it, pulling a small blanket over his body.

He couldn't speak, I knew that. Or, at least he hadn't done so yet, but I felt gratefulness swarm my mind as though he was communicating subconsciously.

"Go ahead and sleep," Din cut through the child and I's silent moment, "I'll keep watch."

Of course, ever the gentleman. Or he still didn't trust me. I assumed it was the latter, but I wouldn't say anything. I didn't need to incite another argument, let alone bring up any questions about what happened today. Sure, he knew my history as a force-user but I didn't need any more questions. As far as he knew, I could move things with my mind, heal people, and had a 'laser sword.' That was enough for now.

"Alright," I agreed with a friendly smile, "but I expect you to wake me up as soon as you're tired-" he started to speak before I started up again, "and you're taking the cot as soon as it's my turn. You can't get out of this one either. I'm not letting you sleep on the floor or in your chair."

Din stood silent for a moment. His brain was undoubtedly searching for some excuse to avoid a somewhat decent night's sleep. Eventually, his head fell down with the chin of his helmet resting against his chest plate. A long, exhausted sigh escaped him, followed by a quiet, reluctant, "fine."

"Wait, really?" My eyes grew wide as his simple agreement. He was never one to easily follow anything unless it was his idea, especially so quickly. I felt a short laugh bubble out of my chest, "have I finally tamed the wild Mandalorian?"

"Stop," he grumbled.

I held back my laughs as I stood up and circled him, "next up, we see a rogue Mandalorian, broken away from his pack. At first, he seems untamable. He's unable to be captured, but then! A Jedi? She's caught him, fed him, shown him all the true joys in life! Now, he has no choice but to become a domesticated Mandalorian, politely obeying every word the Jedi says-"

His hand closed over my mouth, his other arm wrapped around my back to pull me near. "Not another word," he spoke quietly.

"Apparently not as well trained as I thought. Maybe we need to teach him some manners," I winked and pushed his hand away from my mouth. My nose scrunched up in disgust, "and how to clean his clothes. Those smell rotten."

"Well, I did fall in the ocean," he stated simply and pulled his arms back to his side.

I snickered and sat back in the cot, pushing myself towards the back wall, "it's a good thing someone was there to save you, then. Must've been some beautiful, strong woman, right?"

"Yeah," his voice came out breathy, but quickly went back into his regular, stiff tone, "too bad she's annoying."

My jaw fell slightly, leaving my mouth gaping as I stared at him. A joke? A funny one too. I laughed and fell back in the bed. My head hit the thin pillow, bouncing slightly against the mattress. "Whatever," I rolled my eyes with a wide smile on my face, "just make sure you wake me up, okay?"

I could hear a small hum in agreement as I shut my eyes. For the first week in Coruscant I was terrified to fall asleep. New places used to always scare me and I never showed my face before I was alongside Din. Now, I was safe. Everywhere I go, I know there is someone to protect me.

Instead of succumbing to the aching pains of sleep like I used to, I drifted off easily with a smile on my face. I knew, no matter what happened between us, he wouldn't let anything get to me.

taglist:

@emiijemii

#the mandalorian #the mandalorian x oc #Mandalorian #mandalorian x oc #din djarin #din djarin x oc #dyn jarren #jedi #OC #Pedro Pascal #pedro pascal characters #babyyoda #grogu

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amedetoiles · 4 years

Note

give me a character meme! wwx please!!

[All gifs made by me. No stealing or reposting, thank you. ♥︎]

★ How I feel about this character

I love wwx so much and he deserves so much!!! My feelings for him can be summed up by my first ever meta in this fandom, this half-crack half-shitpost, and the many many meta tears scattered across all the tags on my page that various people have yelled at me for. I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him. No character has wrecked me as much as this stupid chaotic ass, who is so inherently good and selfishly selfless it fucking hurts. Yet, for all the love and care he gives freely to everyone else, he can’t for the life of him compute any that others have given to him. He tries so hard to be good, to make the right choices even in impossible, horrendous circumstances, and it’s excruciatingly painful watching him realize again and again that even good choices paved with good intentions can cause destruction. He suffers so much because of it. He suffers before we even really meet him. @cangse-sanren wrote “Your parents were bright smears of color and laughter to you, but little more” in this beautiful fic, and I still weep about it daily.

I love how immensely protective he is of both his siblings. He just tries so goddamn hard to be what everyone needs. I could and have and will continue to cry about him every day. How his pathological tendency to repress all things that hurt him, to cover up his pain in humor and obnoxiousness and bravado, and his internalized belief that he is worth much less than everyone else, all converged into the most awful way possible. How despite losing his sect, his siblings, his friends, he was still trying up until the very end. God, what a fantastically complex fucking character. To watch him bloom again after that deluge of rage and grief and insanity 13/16 years later was the most satisfying journey anyone could possibly depict. To know that he has the chance to heal, to recover, to grow with all the different parts of his family he once thought lost forever now back in his reach (yes! even our angry grape!!). Truly amazing.

★ All the people I ship romantically with this character

WangXian!!!! These kids who came out of endless tragedy and trauma to find a love, a trust in each other–theirs is a love story that truly extends across space and time. It warms my heart to watch them rebuild their lives together into something warmer, and brighter, and happier than either of them ever grew up knowing. To watch them shed the psychological trauma on what it means to love and be loved given to them by their terrible parental figures and say, “No. We’re going to be better than that.” I love how they complement one another. How loudly and quietly they love each other. How in the warm security of each other’s embrace, they are each able to work through their own internalized traumas without judgement. Lan Wangji’s uncompromising devotion. Wei Wuxian’s fierce protectiveness. It’s hard to say who else could fit together so perfectly. What a joy it is to watch Wei Wuxian realize that he is no longer alone, that Lan Wangji is and will always be standing beside him. What a joy it is to watch Lan Wangji realize that this is not the dream he’s spent years suffering through, that Wei Ying has returned to him against all odds. What a fucking joy it is to watch them both learn to trust happiness, to trust love, to trust each other. GOD. *wails*

★ My non-romantic OTP for this character

YUNMENG SHUANGJIE. YUNMENG SIBS. YILING SIBS. A-YUAN AND HIS TWO DADS. All the different found families that permeated the story was just breathtakingly beautiful. They all fucking gutted me. It all at once makes Wei Wuxian’s story that much more beautiful and that much more tragic. For a child who lost his parents before he even had time to remember them, who then had to rebuild his family again and again, only to lose them each time in increasingly horrifying ways–it truly fucked me up. Wei Wuxian stood on that cliff in Nightless City, and it was visibly clear that he wanted nothing more than to join all the families he loved and watched die (because of him).

The beauty of his story of course is that for all the tragedy that he is subsumed by, for all the ways that he is wronged and has wronged, there are equal, if not more, number of ways that he is lifted, is healed, is shone a light through all the darkness. In the end, his families return to him. Wen Ning, who lived despite it all, carrying the memory of his sister, the best doctor in the world. His shijie shining through his bratty nephew’s heart of gold. His very own A-Yuan, kept safe and protected all these years by his soulmate, his zhiji. His angry grape of a little brother who can’t say I forgive you but tosses him Chenqing that he’s kept safe all these years and says I trust you. They’re all a little broken, a little worse for wear, but there’s something extraordinarily beautiful about these families who find each other again through the bridges they rebuild towards something better.

★ My unpopular opinion about this character

Oh man, I’ve seen a lot of debate about wwx that I try not to get into (I type this of course as I ready myself to do exactly that). Probably the most unpopular opinion (possibly?) I have is that I don’t personally feel like the addition of a second flautist and expanding Jin Guangyao’s villain-ry in CQL detracted or reduced Wei Wuxian’s complex morality–one of my favorite and best parts to his character. I still think he is very gray. His tragedy is still contingent on his naive idealism and his willful blindness that a person only needs to be righteous and honorable regardless of reputation and politics. This clearly isn’t the case. Not just for him, but for all the characters. You can do everything right and still be punished. You can do everything right and still cause others pain. You can be the most hypocritical, loudmouthed piece of judgmental shit and still remain unpunished and available to share your stupid ass ignorant opinions on matters that have nothing to do with you. (Whoops that got away from me.) Wei Wuxian learns this repeatedly. It’s excellent and heartbreaking.

The thing about Wei Wuxian is that for all that he has imposter syndrome, for all that he is unable to see that he is a person worthy of the love he receives, he is still not only extremely confident in his own abilities and in his beliefs of what is right and what is wrong, but also that he is the person who can decide that line between justice and evil. An arrogant assumption, and one that causes not only him but the people he strives to protect a significant amount of pain. This wasn’t lost in CQL. While the plot technically does absolve him of all of his crimes on a surface level, it’s clearly not as simple for Wei Wuxian himself. In the Ancestral Hall, Wei Wuxian stares at the names of Jiang Fengmian, Madam Yu, and Jiang Yanli, whose lives are heavily felt on his shoulders, and he tells Lan Wangji, “After all, the Stygian Tiger Seal was created by me. Whether Jin Guangyao was there or not, that fact can’t be changed.” The show despite its censorship still asks the audience to evaluate his actions and the role he played, both willing and unwillingly, in the deaths of so many people.

It is also shown clearly that the cultivation world only stops trying to kill him because there was now another target, another scapegoat to blame. This is something that Wei Wuxian knows and expresses on multiple occasions on the show. For all that the show may have change things, I don’t think it’s necessarily correct or fair to say that it completely washed away the nuance that was present in the novel. The overarching conflicts and questions are still there. What is moral and what isn’t, what is justified and what isn’t, who is at fault for unforeseen consequences and who isn’t, and the role of external factors and circumstances in all of this. As someone who watched the drama first, I didn’t feel that the complexity of all the characters and their decisions was lost at all in comparison to the novel I later read. The show was honestly superb and still the best version for me overall. (Please don’t send pitchforks.) I have so much more to say about this, and Jin Guangyao still being a great nuanced character foil, but alas, this is already too long.

Other things: Wei Wuxian is a good brother actually, and he knows Jiang Cheng very well. He tried his best under the worst possible circumstances, and it was a great big shit show. I hate discussions where people try to hold one brother more responsible than the other. They both very nobly (and very recklessly) sacrificed a great deal for each other, and they both, frankly, fucked up. They’re Twin Idiots, and I’ll love and drag them both equally dammit! With that in mind, Wei Wuxian’s happy ending isn’t just him joining GusuLan sect, novel be fucking damned (yes, I said it!). His home can be in Gusu and Yunmeng. *SLAMS FISTS* Let 👏 Wei 👏 Wuxian 👏 go 👏 home 👏. (Talking to you, my grape guy. Jin Ling is going to show up in Lotus Pier one day with his da-jiu, and you’re just going to have to deal with it.)

★ One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

WEI WUXIAN PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HUG YOUR DIDI. Jiang Cheng has been waiting 16+ years for your hug, and he damn well deserves one, especially since he gave you such a great octopus hug, all limbs and burrowed scrunchy faces. Like, I know, I know, you were distraught, and traumatized, half-beaten to death after three days of intense surgery, then reaped by ten thousand undead souls calling for revenge, but guess who told your favorite (only) angry grape little brother that in the next life, let’s be brothers again okay? GUESS WHO IS LIVING HIS NEXT LIFE??????? Bruh. Chop chop. Hop fucking to it.

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khunfounded · 4 years

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Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown

As requested by the lovely @1-800-i-ship-it, I am doing another analysis for our best boy Wangnan! I recently reread past The Point of Intense Sadness and Crying so I really wanted to capture the loss and rage Wangnan felt because of it.

So to do so, I’m bringing out one of my beloved Mumford and Sons songs, Thistle & Weeds

youtube

This is the perfect song for Wangnan and his tumultuous emotions!

Also there’s a really good instrumental section that I can imagine Wangnan crying to, sorry.

Spoilers, by the way

Spare me your judgements and spare me your dreams Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind

Wangnan’s dreams for climbing the tower have caused him a lot of despair and hardship. He is haunted by the survivor’s guilt of outliving so many companions, especially the ones who died to save him.

I imagine this song taking place soon after Prince and Arkraptor die and he makes the deal with Rachel. He doesn’t care about her dreams or why she’s climbing the tower, and the pain that his own dreams have caused makes him question everything, giving him a winter clarity.

I think this is especially poignant because as this transition in his life happens, the environment of the Hell Train changes to fit the frozen wasteland of The Floor of Death

Alone in the wind and the rain you left me It's getting dark darling, too dark to see And I'm on my knees, and your faith in shreds, it seems

These lines are directed at his Sweet and Sour family. He feels a great sense of loss with all of the tragedy that has befallen them, and it is hard to see with the same joy that he once did when they were all together.

He is on his knees in sorrow, in prayer, because they are gone and he still has to go on. Their faith isn’t in shreds, because they love him unconditionally, but Wangnan’s guilt makes it seem like it is. Corrupted by the simple sniff of riches blown I know you have felt much more love than you've shown And I'm on my knees and the water creeps to my chest

Now Wangnan is surrounded by people who he sees as corrupted, especially Rachel, whom he wants to kill for what she did to Arkraptor. Unlike his, the love they have has eroded into greed and cruelty.

His grief is weighing him down and making him go after goals other than his wish to become the king. He might drown in all of this, but he trudges on because more than any other feelings, Wangnan is ruled by his love and his hope. But plant your hope with good seeds Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds Rain down, rain down on me Look over your hills and be still The sky above us shoots to kill Rain down, rain down on me

This is a biblical reference, and Jesus warned that planting seeds in thistle will choke the flowers, by which he meant that someone who had faith, but who is bogged down by fear and greed, will ultimately suffer.

Wangnan still has hope, and unlike the others that he is with and whom he has met along the way, he will take the love his family gave him, rather than the pain, and plant his hope in good soil.

He will use the rain of his suffering and turmoil to help him grow stronger and be a good person, rather than simply a great one. Unlike others, whose suffering has made them choke themselves on thistle and weeds.

He is looking over the hills and seeing what the sunrise, the amazing possibilities, rather than just the scary ones.

But I will hold on I will hold on hope

This encapsulates Wangnan. More than any other character, I see him as a beacon of hope, even when he is in despair.

He gives Miseng his coat when she is freezing, even though he is beaten and bloody, because his love, rather than his hurt, wins out.

I begged you to hear me, there's more than flesh and bones Let the dead bury the dead, they will come out in droves But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes you've made

Now this stanza sounds aggressive, but it is about him slowly learning to take the good of his friends’ lives, rather than the pain of their deaths, to fuel him. There is more than flesh and bones that is important, he says.

It is also about the guilt that still plagues him. The dead come out in droves because he has lost so many, but he is going to learn to stop spending all his time trying to fill in the holes they left and instead use the lessons he learned from them, though he’s going to be left with his survivor’s guilt for as long as he still has those memories of them.

Also, he’s going to make Rachel and the others pay for what they have done, for the holes that they have made. But plant your hope with good seeds Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds Rain down, rain down on me

Wangan grows from his suffering, rather than let it weigh him down. So he’s not going to drown in the rain, he’s going to build himself even stronger than before.

#wangnan ja #song analysis #tog #tower of god

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linkspooky · 5 years

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Your analysis on shigaraki's worldview is 😍😍😍. Who's your fav bnha character btw, and what kind of manga are you into? (i mean as in genre, but my phrasing is terrible at times so idk how to put it all in the last sentence)

My favorite manga in the whole world are the manga that run in Weekly Shonen Jump. I read almost everything that runs in the magazine from week to week. I know that’s not technically a genre, but let’s not arguen semantics.

And now because no one asked for it, my opinion on all of the manga currently running through Jump that I read.

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba usually manga in shonen jump slowly get worse over time as they try to stretch their stories out, but Kimetsu no Yaiba is a story that continues to develop on itself and improve the longer it runs.

The art is phenomenal and has a good balance of when to be silly and when to be drop dead gorgeous. It’s more of an ensemble piece tied together by a big brother trying to save his little sister, and because of that almost every character Tanjirou interacts with is fun and really immediately attention grabbing.

It’s also a pretty heavy story that deals with death, grief and loss and trying to find life beyond a world that has suffering like that. I’m actually planning to make some meta of it soon, especially with the interactions between Domi and Shinobu. My only real complaint is that it’s deep but not too deep. Usually the demons are always bad and the demon slayers are always good in the end, even if sympathy is expressed for some of the demons. Once again though it does so well in the technical aspects of telling the story it wants to tell.

My Hero Academia it’s pretty obvious that I like it. The biggest draws for me are the art style and the characters, specifically the villains. Also the idea of a reverse X men world where what are basically the mutants now outnumber normal people and dominate society is a fantastic idea for world building with a lot of options.

I’ve actually followed Horikoshi’s work for a long time. His two previous works, Oumagodoki Zoo and Barrage both ran in Shonen Jump for a short time before they were cancelled which I find really unfortanate because they both had a lot of potential as well.

I love both the hero kids and the villains, though sometimes I feel like the villains are more connected to the central conflict of the story than the heroes. It would be nice to see Deku evolve a more radical philosophy then just wanting to save people right in front of him, or protecting the status quo. The heroes should ideally act in response to the villains to create a better world and resolve a problem the villains brought up, but if say the League of Villains were wiped out now another League would be created later because the central problem of the story has not been dealt with.

Dr. Stone this is a series that almost got cancelled, but was saved by a main character switch. Senku is really likable and unique as a character, kind of a mad scientist archetype who turns out to be the good guy and the hero of the story.

He reminds me a lot of Yoichi from the writers previous work, Eyeshield 21. In that they’re both laughing mad eccentrics who seem like they have little scruples for how they use and treat other people, and yet are surrounded by friends and act as the leaders of their team. They also both have a tendency for strategy over brute strength and like to outwit their opponents.

The only thing I can say about Dr. Stone is that while the characters are a fun little group of oddballs, they rarely get any deeper than that. The most interesting thing is still figuring out the central mystery of the world and what happened to turn everybody to stone, which is why having Senku as a main character was a really smart move on the series part.

Yozakura Family This is a new series that I actually really like and hope beats canellation at the two week mark. It’s kind of your basic romantic comedy characters get married in the first chapter promise, but also there’s some really strong character writing with the older brother. He’s one of the few examples of the obsessive and overprotective brother type that was portrayed as actually abusive and damaging for seeing his younger sister that way.

The premise also reminds me a lot of Katekyo Hitman Reborn, just suddenly getting sucked into the underworld of spies and crimminals when you’re an unlucky loser with no social skills. If the character writing is as strong as it is for the brother I can definitely see a lot of improvement and staying power.

The Promised Neverland the smartest written series in Shonen Jump write now with the best ideas. The Promised Neverland is all about theme, theme, theme, theme, which is why someone like me who devours stories for their nutritious value and content loves it.

While there are only about three major characters with arcs that matter to the plot, Norman, Ray, and Emma they are some of the deepest characters in shonen jump currently and the complexity of their relationship and the way they all foil each other is superb.

It’s a story about children trying to escape a neverland where they can never grow up, and live in a world that never wanted them alive. Not only is it just about them though, it’s also about adults who are still inside the system and gave up at one point or another and decided to just live in the evil world rather than change it. It’s a deep story but it’s also undeniably shonen jump, the central theme is about not giving up even in a world that is determined to deny your existence.

Act Age If you’ve read Chihayafuru this manga has a lot in common with that, because both of them are about very singleminded girls with complex emotions that they themselves don’t understand, finding themselves completely enveloped in a niche hobby to the point of obsession.

Act-Age is a story that’s primarily about storytelling and the nature of stories themselves, with each arc focusing on an adaptation of either a movie made up for the sake of the story or a pre-written play ie, Journey to the West, Night on the Galactic Railroad. However, it’s also bout the nature of stories, as understood by the perspectie of an actor.

There are only a few major characters but they all get intensely developed in their arcs. My absolute favorite relationship is that of the main character, quiet on the surface but with deep emotions that she uses for her acting talent with her rival an actress that’s much more like a pop star or idol. Rather than having deep talent she instead uses her ability to read people to appeal to them. She is cheerful and lively on the surface, but empty inside. The way they envy each other and learn to grow from each other because each of them has what the other one desires.

Jujutsu Kaisen reminds me of really early bleach that was just Ichigo and his teenage friends fighting Hollows. This is one of the manga I definitely reccomend, because it’s one of the lesser known manga in jump currently. The art style has this scratchy look about it which really adds well to the horror aspect of the series. It’s a demon fighting anime with some of the best demon designs, more attention is put on making them look grotesque and scary then in series like KNY where the demons for the most part are pretty good looking still.

The main trio is very solid, a reckless idiot who swallowed a cursed finger in the first chapter and is continually dealing with the consequences of that, the shadowy, quiet type cool headed one who almost never talks about his past or his true feelings on the matter, and between them the cheerful girl whose a tad on the merciless side.

Not only are the characters good, but it’s one of the few series where the fights and lore are super interesting. Rather than dealing with demons directly Kimetsu no Yaiba style we deal with curses, which are generated from the human subconscious.

For exmaple one of the villains Mahito is the embodiment of the fear humans have for other humans, that is the anxieties of life, and the fear and suppressed feelings that go hand in hand with humanity. Because that he’s much like a child curse quickly learning and progressing with a human intelligence.

The fights, the powers of characters, they’re all used to further develop a really interesting world of curses and the people who live dealing with them that it feels like we’re only scratching the surface of right now and desperately makes you want to figure out the system they have in place for this entire world.

Yui Kamio Lets Loose - I find it to be a really sweet romantic comedy about a stuck up boy obsessed with appearances and what other people think of him falling in love with two sides of a girl, the uncontrollable Yui that beat him up and constantly gets into fights and trouble, and the perfect demure girl who can only ever be helpless and kind and needs to be protected. It has a feel of a lot of classic 80s high school romantic comedies. The only real problem is that it needs to acquire a plot fast, because it’s at risk for cancellation which makes it hard for me to get invested in a series that might end soon.

Double Taisei - One of those shonen manga that had a really interesting beginning chapter, but then failed to do anything with it. I think it would work well as a character piece between two personalities who act like brothers in the same body, but the characters aren’t strong enough quite yet to work that way. I do like the character design…

Tokyo Shinobi Squad - It looked like a ripoff at first but the main character is actually fairly different from Naruto, and the manga itself is uniquely its own thing. I just hope it learns to utilize it’s cyberpunk setting better, because ninjas fighting in a cyberpunk dystopia is a very tropey premise and the story needs to utilize those tropes in order to work. I do like the fact that the main character starts out pretty powerful so it’s not a typical shonen formula about a main character slowly learning to gain power, instead it’s him taking in and being responsible for a kid.

Manga I don’t read - One piece, Yuuna of the Haunted Hotsprings, Chainsawman, Samurai 8 the tale of Hachimaru, Beast Children, Miitama Security Busters.

#anime-freakchow #weekly shonen jump #shonen manga #my hero academia #dr. stone #jujutsu kaisen #act-age #the promised neverland #act age #black clover #we never learn #kimetsu no yaiba #spooky speaks #askspookies

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multisfabulis · 4 years

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Savior of Monsters

Word Count: 1776

TW: Major character death

You ever have an idea brewing around in your head for who knows how long until you finally gain the confidence to bring it into existence? This fic is that in a nutshell.

So I've had this idea of writing the Asgore fight in his POV for almost 4 years and it only came about because I was listening to one of the many ASGORE songs up on YouTube one day and the visual of his hand shaking as he's about to strike Frisk down came out to me and it was over. The reason it took so long for this fic to even exist was because I didn't have much confidence in myself as a writer back then and it was because of me posting my original fics I slowly gained that confidence to finally write this.

A LOT of this dips into headcanon territory and it's not written in an RPG-like format because I honestly do not know how I'd write that without it seeming clunky. Either way, I hope you enjoy reading this!

Read on AO3 | Read on DA | Support me on Ko-fi!

The shimmering light of the barrier filled the room. Asgore stood facing the human, dreading what he would do next. He really didn’t want to do it, especially to a child that seemed to be the spitting image of Chara. But if monsters had any hope of leaving the underground and going to the surface, then he had to do it. So…

“Human…” They had a sad expression on their face. “It was nice to meet you. Goodbye.”

He bowed his head and drew out his crimson trident. He trained it on the human, causing them to draw their own weapon. It was a dagger, adorned with several pockmarks on the hilt and a dull blade. He remembered it belonging to Chara whenever they would help him with gardening. Memories of that time began to rush into his head but he forced them back.

They stood there in silence. Then he raised his trident up slightly, wanting the human to deliver the first strike. They shook their head and he knew at that moment he’d need to force them into attacking him.

Large fireballs appeared on both sides of the human and homed in on them. They barely managed to dodge them but not before the flames licked their body. He repeated the motion he did earlier to try and goad the human into attacking him. They gave him the same answer.

Waves of smaller fireballs swarmed them. They ducked and weaved through the fire, the flames leaving scorch marks on their clothes. His hands trembled for just a moment, realizing how close he was to burning them. He burned the six children before them and the guilt threatened to eat him alive at every waking moment. This was for the sake of monsterkind but nothing could justify the loss of six innocent souls who had simply fallen down and came to him so they could leave. He didn’t believe it did at the first child and he certainly didn’t believe it did now.

Smaller waves of fireballs attempted to block them in for giant hordes of fire to come swallow them whole. His breathing got shaky as the blaze moved closer and closer to them, beads of sweat forming on their brow from the intense heat. The human was luckily able to leap out before they were incinerated but it was too close for comfort. Yet they still refused to fight back.

It was then he had enough and swung his trident. If using his magic wouldn’t work, he may as well physically strike them. The prongs of the trident hit the blade of the dagger, the human parrying the blow before finally thrusting the dagger into his abdomen. The pain was insignificant at best but the expression on their face was one of remorse.

It reminded him of the time Asriel and Chara tried to bake him a butterscotch pie and ended up poisoning him instead. Chara had laughed the entire time he was sick but he knew they felt guilty. It was after the ordeal was over they apologized to him and the look on their face was almost the same as the human’s now. Was fighting this child who looked like one of his own his punishment for failing them?

That was when the fight really began. He’d hurl wave after wave of fireballs at them and they’d try to dodge them each and every time. Even as the flames left more and more of their mark on them, they managed to skirt past the greater danger. The only way they’d attack him was when he’d do it first. It made him feel more like a villain than he already was.

This fight, along with the previous six, were nothing like the ones he had with humans before, the time they and monsters lived alongside each other. He had just been crowned king, if only because monsters were in need of a powerful leader to aid them in the war, and he tried desperately to push the humans back. No matter how many he’d strike down with his furious might, their comrades would save them by slaying many more monsters. He watched countless brethren crumble to dust and the wind carry their ashes to a place far beyond his comprehension. He hated humans for driving him and the survivors of his kind into the underground. It was only through the passage of time and his time on the throne his hatred of them had dissipated. Then they had killed his remaining child, Asriel.

He and Toriel had been so lost in their grief over losing Chara that they hadn’t noticed him leaving with their body. It was when he came back as another monster entirely they realized what he had done. After setting his sibling down, he crumbled to dust, a sight Asgore never wanted to see again. How could they? Wasn’t it enough to have killed most of his kind and forced the rest into hiding? They had to kill his son, his sweet boy, and for what? He became so enraged that he declared war on humanity and vowed to destroy all the humans in an act of vengeance. Not just for him but for every monster whose lives they’ve worsened because of their actions. Any human that fell into the underground would be shown no mercy.

Now he was tired. Tired of waiting, tired of killing, tired of his kingdom looking to him for hope and having to pretend he’s their savior when he’s not. He made that declaration in a fit of inconsolable anger and he wishes he could take it back. He doesn’t want to kill anymore. How many more innocents’ blood will stain his hands until the war is over?

The room was now filled with smoldering embers and cinders. The light from the barrier left the room engulfed in a faint orange glow. They stood facing each other, trying to catch their breath as they waited for the other to make their move. He called upon rings of fireballs that took over the whole room to overwhelm the human. It was at that point they cried out in pain from their inflicted burns.

Damn it, Asgore, what are you doing, he berated himself. He only meant for the fire to graze them, not actually hurt them. Were they just too exhausted to get out of the way in time? As the flames were extinguished, the human fell to their knees, clutching their shoulder and their dagger tossed aside.

This was his moment, as much as he was dreading it. He walked over to them, trident in hand and eyes focused on the ground. He needed to do this. The kingdom’s pinned their hopes and dreams on him. If he were to fail this now, after everything he’s done to get this far, they’d be forever hopeless. With a heavy heart, he turned the prongs of the trident down, raised it high in the air, and---

They looked up at him and a memory flashed in his mind. His rosy cheeked, doe-eyed child, Chara, handing him a pink, hand-knit sweater with the words “Mr. Dad Guy” embroidered in yellow thread on it. It was the first and only gift they gave him and it was a treasure he cherished deeply. His hands shook as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t do it. They were too much like Chara and killing them would feel like he’d slain his own child.

The trident clattered on the ground as he dropped to his knees. He failed. He failed as a father, as a king, as a savior. The human would escape this place and monsters would be doomed to live in their underground prison. He didn’t know which was worse, living on as a broken man or dying as a failure to his people.

He finally looked at the human. Parts of their clothes were burnt or had scorch marks and some of their face was covered in soot. They were still holding on to their shoulder but they seemed just so tired. Their journey would soon be over. All they’d need was to take his soul and cross the barrier.

He began telling them his story. His declaration of war, what he planned on using the souls for, how his family became irreparably broken, everything. He never wanted power, wanted to hurt anyone. All he wanted was for everyone to have hope and to see his wife and kids again. He begged, pleaded, with the human to take his soul and leave the underground. A child such as them didn’t deserve to be here any more than they already were so this was best.

Yet they were merciful. They kicked the dagger away and shook their head vehemently, refusing him. He was utterly confused on why they were choosing to stay here and suffer than live happily on the surface. Did they enjoy their time here in the underground and didn’t want to leave the friends they made? He may not have understood but a glimmer of hope welled up inside him.

“Human… I promise you…” He reached out a hand towards them. “For as long as you remain here… My wife and I will take care of you as best we can.”

They could sit in the living room, telling stories and eating butterscotch pie. They could be like a family. Was this what it felt like to have hope again? To be given a new chance at life after trudging through the darkness for so long? They stretched a hand out and had a hopeful expression on their face.

It quickly turned to one of horror as he felt tiny pellets stab him all at once. In all his years of seeing others disintegrate, now it was his turn to become dust. He was foolish to hope after all the sins he’s carried out. This was the right and just judgment for a monster such as him.

He should feel sad over knowing he’d be leaving things unfinished, without any closure. Yet it was freeing to have his burdens be lifted off him as he crumbled to dust, his ashes scattered.

#airi's writing #asgore dreemurr #frisk #undertale #retelling #major character death

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misssophiachase · 4 years

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Reality Bites - Chapter 4: Gimme Shelter

Synopsis: Caroline is the long-suffering producer on America's number one reality television program Meet the Mikaelsons. The wealthy, English family are difficult but Caroline has to stick it out so she can get the promotion she's been eyeing. Enter arrogant, second-eldest sibling Klaus Mikaelson who has every intention of messing with her plans.

Playa Palmilla, San Jose del Cabo

"Oh, come on, love, don't be like this. I'll let you pick which bedroom you want?" He offered by way of an olive branch as they collected their bags from the trunk of the cab.

Yes, maybe he felt a little bad. What with crashing her flight and cancelling her accommodation and then insisting she stay with him. Klaus decided it sounded a lot worse than it actually was. He told himself before the flight that it made perfect sense for them to fly and stay together but upon further reflection, and her outraged reaction, he was starting to get a complex.

Yes, Klaus Mikaelson usually got his way, not because he insisted upon it but because ever since he could remember that was just the way things were. Of course, coming from a famous, wealthy and powerful family dynasty that was expected and it had just become second nature to Klaus.

Until Caroline Forbes breezed into his life.

Rather than feeling put out by her adverse reaction, Klaus reveled in it. He was so used to people doing and saying the right thing around him, but Caroline Forbes had absolutely no filter and wasn't ashamed to tell him when he was being an ass, as she liked to put it. Judging by how frequently she did it, Klaus really should have learned his lesson but, when it came to her, he was greedy for more.

Caroline didn't bother to respond or wait for him, just powered off bags in hand to the private villa on Palmilla Beach they'd booked for the week. Klaus was trying to ignore just how good she looked in that floral dress with her blonde hair hanging loose around her shoulders in soft waves. Although, Klaus was beginning to realize that was just her default setting.

She opened the door ahead of him and stepped into the open plan living area. He'd be shocked if she found a problem given the picturesque views from the floor to ceiling windows, simple but modern furniture and its spacious and airy feel.

"Well, that's the least you could do," she growled, finally responding. "I want the one with the biggest bathroom."

"I think you'll find there's only one joint bathroom between the rooms," he explained. She walked over to inspect the layout and noticed the interconnecting doors from both bedrooms to the bathroom.

"Unbelievable!" She muttered. "I can't share a bathroom with you, I mean what if I'm in there and you walk in on me in the shower?"

"Well, you could just as easily walk in on me, love," he winked teasingly. He could tell she wanted to bite about that particular endearment but she obviously thought there were more important battles to win today.

"You do realize that if I still had my original booking I wouldn't have to share at all?"

"You do realize that your original room is a shoebox compared to this, right?"

"Yes, but it was my shoebox," she insisted, her blue eyes blazing angrily. "One that apparently wouldn't be available any longer because it's peak season, except your assistant managed to find both Kat and Bonnie rooms at short notice."

"Well, when you're a Mikaelson…"

"Yes, life is so easy when you're a freaking, Mikaelson," she shot back, and Klaus couldn't miss the venom in her voice. It felt almost like a slap in the face. Why did she hate him and his family so much? Being a producer of their reality show would be a good start but Klaus knew there was more to it. She marched towards one of the bedrooms before he could properly respond.

"I take it I've got the other bedroom then," he assumed, placing his bags on the bed.

"Why can't my friends just stay here?" She asked, appearing again, hands on hips. "There's plenty of room. We could have a sleepover and paint each other's nails and then have a pillow fight in our underwear."

"You seriously do that?" He was joking but it didn't stop her from rolling her eyes in his direction.

"We both know the rules about fraternization amongst the crew and the ban against friends visiting the set. In fact, a little birdie told me you actually came up with those," he replied, taking a seat on his bed and patting the spot next to him.

"Trust me, Elijah will be thanking me for that rule," she replied mysteriously, making him curious about exactly what that meant. "And I am not sitting there. It's already bad enough we are staying together, I mean it's hardly professional given the aforementioned rules."

"We are co-producers, if the rest of the crew has a problem, they can speak to me about the accommodation arrangements."

"The crew I'm fine with given they're my rules and I'm also their boss, it's your brother. He sent me a text with a childhood taunt about us K-I-S-S-I-N-G in a tree accompanied by multiple, kissy-face emojis."

Hearing her say that, Klaus immediately felt a stab of something right in his chest, he decided to blame it on the interesting food they served in Coach. They'd briefly run into his family outside the airport but he'd happily ditched their too-close-for-comfort limousine for a cab with Caroline.

"Please tell me you're talking about Henrik?"

"Do you really think Henrik would do that? He may only be sixteen but the kid is one of the most mature teenagers I know and given the circus he's growing up in that is impressive." Klaus immediately felt pleased that she thought as highly of her little brother as he did. But back to his younger, more wayward brother.

"Wishful thinking on my part, I guess. How exactly does Kol have your cell number? I remember it took me at least a month to procure that."

"He asked," she replied, shrugging her shoulders lazily. "I thought it would be rude not to oblige."

"Unbelievable," he growled. "What else does he send you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know. I'm his producer and he's one of the cast," she explained. "It would be unprofessional of me to divulge those details."

"Why are you so hard on me?" The question was out of his mouth before he could stop it. It was something he'd been wondering for the longest time but never had the courage to ask. Klaus knew he could be difficult and a little arrogant at times (he blamed his upbringing for that particular trait) but when it came to his family, he was the least of her troubles.

"I'm not," she murmured, although her indecisive tone was telling Klaus she was lying. "But you definitely give me more grief."

"I give you grief? You do realize I have immature Kol and spoilt Rebekah as siblings, right?" He shot back. "I'm no trouble at all, in fact, not only have I lightened the workload with the producer duties, but I also suggested this little trip so we can rate the pants off the competition. I mean who wants to watch five conceited brunettes whose names start with the same letter shop?"

"Plenty of people but I'm not going into our competition with you again. However, I need to correct you on a few of those outrageous claims, Mikaelson," she argued stomping on the spot briefly. Klaus had discovered that's what she did when she was trying to make a point. "Number one, you stole half my job without asking, I might add. I never gave it to you and I was handling the workload just fine. Number two, I still maintain that you brought the entire team down to Mexico to hook up with your ex and ogle other women on the side." He stood up to interrupt before she held up her finger to stop him. "Yes, I said ogle. And number three, I'm going to go shower now for dinner with my friends before I say something else I might regret."

"Wow, so much restraint, Forbes," he scoffed sarcastically and moved closer, the distance between them not so far anymore. "Number one, I didn't steal, I asked for the producer job and number two sounds like someone is very jealous about who I do and do not ogle."

"Oh, you are way off-base, mister," she huffed, poking him in the chest accusingly. "I could care less what or who you do, I'm just stating a fact. Although, please refrain from doing it so close to my bedroom."

"Well, I'm sure you can ask the set medic to keep you warm at night if you feel left out, sweetheart." It just came out, and he immediately regretted it. Klaus was starting to realize she had that effect on him but she didn't retreat and neither did he, their gazes held, heated and intense.

He'd be lying if Doctor Wonderful hadn't taken him by surprise after showing up on set to swoop in and save the day. His mother Esther was still frothing at the mouth over his 'soulful, brown eyes' and Klaus had found himself wondering just how close he and Caroline were. Not that he liked Caroline in that way, Klaus was only trying to make sure things on set were professional. Given Caroline invented the rules she should be happy he was adhering to the protocol.

"I cannot believe you just went there," she drawled, finally looking away. "My love life and who I choose to sleep with is none of your business."

"You started it," he muttered thinking it sounded much more mature in his head. "But you can't go out with your friends tonight, mother has summoned us to a private dinner at her villa to discuss the shoot."

It was kind of true, Klaus insisted that he'd only attend if Caroline was invited too. He couldn't explain why he wanted her around all the time especially given how much of a hard time she gave him.

"I don't do family dinners, especially with the Mikaelson Brady Bunch, I would need way too many Margheritas to deal with that." He cocked his left eyebrow thinking that was a strange thing to say. About the family dinners and not about the excessive alcohol.

"Welcome to my world, trust me mother will have more than enough alcohol. How do you think we survive Christmas and every other holiday each year?"

"Mikaelson," she groaned. "You really hate me don't you?"

"Yes," he scowled, thinking she should have her own show because she could be just that dramatic. "Look, if you don't want to go then, by all means, let her know. I'm sure you have her cell number too and text her regularly."

"I cannot believe you," she muttered. "It truly is your mission to destroy what little social life I have, isn't it?"

"You do whatever you need to do sweetheart, I'm going to shower," he strode past her and towards the bathroom.

"But I said I was showering first!" She whined.

"Well, it looks like you're going to have to wait your turn," he teased, giving her one final smirk before shutting the door behind him.

Fifteen minutes later and Klaus was enjoying his shower, well except for the constant interruptions.

"Mikaelson get your butt out of the damn shower." She banged on the door in short, sharp bursts. The frequency of her interruptions was increasing. Klaus smiled evilly, he was having way too much fun annoying her.

"You know it would go a lot quicker if you didn't knock so often, love. Maybe it would be easier if you just came in and helped me with all the hard to reach places?"

"Over my dead body," she muttered. It seemed to work as her knocking finally stopped. Klaus chuckled to himself thinking that he'd won this latest battle. It was only when he turned to put back the cake of soap on the dish, that the water went freezing cold. Klaus screamed, jumping back in fright. It was only when he heard her laughing on the other side of the door that Klaus knew who was responsible.

"Ooops, I turned the faucet on! Was I not supposed to do that?" He leaned in and shut off the faucet, shaking his head as he did it. Maybe this particular battle went to her but Klaus knew the war was far from over.

You can read and review on AO3 and FF

#reality bites #gimme shelter #misssophiachase #klaroline fanfiction #klaroline #my writing

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starline148 · 5 years

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[Blizzard] SomeFubu FanFic

I’m so late to @iefiveshipsweek SomeFubu’s promts in September, but I wanted to do something!

I fixed a short one-shot I had to fit the promts and colaborate because I really like this couple, and specially Someoka, he is one of my favourite characters.

September has been a really hard month, but here it’s something I’ve doing so... so.. slow. Just fixing the translation took me a lot of days... Anyways, I hope you’ll like it!

Title: Blizzard Couple: Someoka Ryuugo x Fubuki Shirou Words: 5824 Warning: None

Blizzard

Someoka was a strong guy, a strong and covered guy. As covered as if he was traveling to the South Pole, and yet ... that cold was beyond his control!

His dark eyes, like two wells of anxiety and impatience, swept across the landscape that stretched out in front of him on the other side of the old glass of that train that was currently stopped. White, white, white.

The snow covered every inch of that landscape so typical of a Christmas postcard, a sweeping and lethally attractive landscape.

He rubbed his arms as he snorted reluctantly, the icy wind from the North sneaked through some slit of the old train, a glory of the past that continued to travel unperturbed the path between Inazuma and Hokkaido, only stopped at times like that in which the strong Winter Snows displayed all their magical and pure power.

But he was already tired, it was the fourth time they had stopped since the landscape had turned from an impolite glow. A rattle and agitation indicated to that boy with short pink hair that the train was running again.

He sighed heavily and sat down again with a slight blush on his cheeks. He really wanted to arrive. He really want to. He wanted to see him again.

They hadn’t seen each other for so long ... It was a long awaited meeting.

Fubuki had invited him to stay in Christmas in Hokkaido with him, his brother, his uncle and his aunt. It was several years ago that they had reunited with the little Atsuya. Someoka believed that nothing in Fubuki's life could make him as happy as meeting his brother again when he believed him dead.

Someoka rubbed her hands nervously, maybe she shouldn't be so restless, but ... how had he ended up accepting that invitation? He put his hands to his head and turned in his seat, fortunately there was no one to witness the agony of that poor young man.

Since they had entered the University he had barely been able to see his dear friend Fubuki. Yes, of course, there were no more reasons than that. Good friends, very good friends.

A slight smile ran down his face, but he immediately shook his head with some grief, a shadow that robbed him of his joy.

He forced himself to think about his parents, who, despite the fact that at the beginning they had not been very happy that their son Ryuugo left at Christmas, they had finally come up with the idea of making a small trip through Japan alone. Someoka feared, a little only, that when he returned he had a little brother on his way.

However, Fubuki's voice on his cell phone when Someoka told him he would come sounded so happy... Someoka felt a shiver, looked away from the snow and watched the worn seats of the car. It was despicable, how could he harbor those feelings for someone so pure?

Sometimes he tried to excuse himself, sometimes he said to himself that he was like the dragon that protected his snow prince; but deep down ... deep down ...

He knew he wasn't a guardian, he knew he wasn't a protector. Besides ... he wouldn't be able. Someoka would never prevent Fubuki from having the freedom that those extraordinary and often unjustly treated creatures denied their damsels. Although he could understand them, although he knew that deep down those dragons just didn't want those princesses they had sworn to protect to suffer. Suffering for heartbreak, for injustices, for social criticism, for retrograde minds that did not understand the sublime majesty of their beings. They simply wanted their world to be pink.

But the world was not pink.

And Someoka knew it well.

He looked back through the window watching the mountains of the distance gradually approaching. Thinking, thinking...

Was it really so disgusting to have fallen in love with him?

He remembered Fubuki's gray green eyes, eyes so sweet, so good, so kind. Eyes that stole his breath every time he looked at them. Eyes whose owner did not understand the complexity of the emotions they produced in the observer.

No, Fubuki did not understand. No, Fubuki should not be tainted by those feelings.

Feelings that boiled with the lethality of a volcano inside his heart. But he couldn't, he couldn't. He simply couldn’t.

Because he was disgusting, because it was dirty, because he was ugly.

Maybe if he hadn't been ugly he could have had a chance with him?, maybe if he was handsome ... like Gouenji?

He bit his lips, not realizing they were approaching the final station.

Yes, maybe then ... At least, at least that whispered all those voices that rose like furious wasps surrounding him every time he appeared in public with his dear friend, with his precious friend.

The train stopped with a whistle that could have been the statement of Someoka's death sentence. He stood up, stiff and sweaty. His body creaked heavily after so many hours in those shabby seats. He grabbed his suitcase and went out to a snow-covered station.

A snowflake landed on his nose.

“Ryuugo!”

Someone, someone very special, had shouted his name and only saw a silver reflection before being hugged.

A hug that relieved the cold that had stabbed his heart, a warm hug, a hug of laughter and joy.

“Hello, Shirou.”

The young man replied with a smile, his eyes shone with that unique look.

“How was the trip? I wanted to see you so much!”

The innocent and smiling face of the silver-haired boy caused the heart of the other to widen, seizing him the tenderness of those who see a litter of kittens. However, those nerves and that restlessness made his face coarser than ever.

"It was good ..." He paused a moment, Fubuki smiled even more, waiting. “Me too ... I wanted to see you again too.”

“I had been a long while since the last time! True? We can't let it happen again.”

“I haven't left yet.”

“I know! But …”

The boy fell silent, putting his hand to his mouth.

“No matter, there are many things that I want us to do this holiday! But first …”

“Hasn't your brother come?”

“Ah? No, Atsuya did not want to come. He said he couldn't bear to see without puking as we met again…” Seeing the shadow on Someoka's face, he waved his hand excusing his brother. “He has a bad day, this morning his cell phone has fallen to the toilet and since then he is unbearable.”

The boy laughed a little, but seeing that Someoka did not relax his face, he sighed and hung on his arm.

“Come on, come on, Ryuugo. I have come to get you by car.”

“Do you already have a car?”

“Yes! I wanted to surprise you, it's the first day I use it but ... what could go wrong?”

Someoka swallowed, that could predict many bad things.

The two boys kept talking, they came to the boy's silver car tuned with a blue dragon.

That left the pink-haired boy speechless.

“Do you like it?” asked the boy from the north.

The black eyes met his green and laughed.

“You have a horrible taste, Shirou.”

“Do you think so?” The boy tilted his head and his lips shone with the glare of the snow.

“Totally.”

“But I like it, isn't that the important thing in the end?”

The intense gaze of the young man with silver hair made the other lower his head nodding. He smiled again with another hug.

They put the suitcase in the trunk and got into the car.

“My uncles are looking forward to seeing you again.”

Fubuki watched as Someoka threw her breath into her frosted hands and frowned.

“Let me.”

And he took his large and slightly rough hands between his, pale, delicate and warm, and brought them to his chest.

Someoka opened her eyes with a red face, unable to articulate any words, looking away from those eyes, those eyes so sweet, so good, so kind. Those eyes that stole his breath every time he looked at them. Those eyes whose owner did not understand the complexity of the emotions they produced in the one who observed.

“Better now?”

Someoka nodded and with an innocent laugh Fubuki let go of his hands and put the key in place by starting the car with a murmur of excitement.

Wouldn't it be easier to turn on the heating? Someoka looked out the window, nervous of sharing such a small space alone with the person he loved. And that he had just confessed that it was the second trip he would make in that car. How could they have allowed him to go alone?

However, to his surprise, the trip was peacefull, Fubuki proved to be a cautious and sensible driver. They talked about their lives in recent times, how was their day to day, anecdotes on both sides, meetings with other friends in common, especially by Someoka who lived with many of them. Every now and then their eyes met and on those occasions Someoka felt her heart pounding at the same time that a foggy sadness seized him.

Upon arriving at Fubuki's house the city boy was warmly welcomed, the boy's uncles waited eager to see him and hugged him so effusively that he seemed to be from the family. They asked for their parents whom they had also met and the studies. They smiled at the roughness of the nervous young man and assured him that they were glad of his presence.

Atsuya, on the other hand, did not appear until dinner time. He looked badly at Someoka and sat at the table without saying anything even though everyone else told him for his bad manners. Someoka tried not to take it personally, although there had been times when he wanted to punch him, it had been that way since he had met him.

“Do you like dinner, Ryuugo? Shirou has helped make it.”

“Ah?”

Someoka's eyes roamed the table in the direction of Fubuki who was smiling a little blushing.

“I'm not the best cook, but I hope you like it.”

“It's delicious!”

Everyone laughed except the peach-haired boy who frowned. When they finished Someoka helped pick up and clean, although unfortunately he dropped a plate when he unexpectedly heard Fubuki's aunt telling her husband that she considered Someoka practically her son-in-law.

That nervousness did not improve when Fubuki told him that he was going to sleep in his room with him.

“And Atsuya?”

“Atsuya has said that he would rather be buried alive than sleep with the two of us in the same room. And I want to sleep with you, not with my brother.”

Someoka noticed how his face was as red as the hair of Tatsuya, one of his friends. He swallowed worriedly.

“Come on, come on, Ryuugo!” Fubuki laughed and patted him on the back. “Don't tell me you're afraid to sleep with me alone? I promise you that I no longer suffer from bipolarity and I will not strangle you in the middle of the night!”

Someoka opened his eyes much less calm when he heard that, it certainly would not be the first time Fubuki got up in dreams and hit someone. In one of the conventions he had launched himself against Fudou, whom Kidou had to rescue among everyone's shock.

Fubuki who did not understand, or did not want to understand, why of Someoka's concern took him by the hand and squeezed him.

“Sure you are very tired, right, Ryuugo? Let's take a bath and go to sleep!”

“A bath?”

“Yes, I will tell Atsuya to come too!”

But Atsuya flatly refused, with very badly sounding words, to be part of that; so Fubuki dragged along with him an incapable of articulating a single word. The house had a large bathroom that simulated some hot springs, Fubuki always forced his guests to bathe with him, because going to a real thermal bath was expensive and it was his way of living that dream that he knew would one day really come.

It was a bittersweet time for the boy, on the one hand he loved to share any moment with Fubuki, on the other hand he wondered if it was really necessary to make him suffer that way. His self-control must have a limit, although despite appearances he was a conscientious boy who knew how to control himself. Except, of course, if someone insulted or assaulted any of their loved ones, that activated a feral mode on him.

In the end he left the bathroom with a tension drop because of the heat and Fubuki had to help him dress while fanning him to cool him. The black, unfocused eyes of the rough-faced boy looked at him, wondering why someone whose element was ice was capable of producing such burning internal fires.

Fortunately, he was the only aacident, and the rest of the night passed sweetly for him, in a whisper between the sheets in which the two young men kept talking about much more delicate, intimate things that never brought out the sunlight. A calm and a connection that the moonlight had the ability to get afloat. A vulnerability they took seriously, they both opened up with him another: their dreams, their insecurities, their future.

That way Fubuki discovered that Someoka wanted to join a professional football team in Italy. And although he smiled and encouraged that boy who had left the armor aside, he felt that his heart suffered a tear. That night, when Someoka fell asleep, a few hours after the sun came up, the pillow of the silver-haired boy like the moon that was witnessing was full of bitter tears.

When he woke up, however, he kept his smile, it helped him to go to the Football Club, where he had organized a match with his teammates from the University Team. Atsuya was also part of it, he had tried to deny that too, although he himself had reconsidered realizing that he really wanted to play football.

Someoka felt an intense feeling of affection when he saw in the distance his friends from Hokkaido who were already wearing the short uniform of the team on, he was already accustomed to seeing those boys in shorts and t-shirt despite being surrounded by snow, although he was still unable to dress like them. While it was true that when he started playing, he got warm; some of those boys, Fubuki included, were barely covered in their casual outfits.

Everyone rushed to greet and hug the boy, whom they greatly appreciated. His presence was familiar, somehow they felt he was part of the team, he was part of them. And he, smiling, felt the same.

“We missed you Someoka!” exclaimed Hyoujyou, a young man with blue-green hair who still had the habit of wearing ski goggles on his head.

“Although not as much as Fubuki.”

“Yes! Fubuki has been the most.”

“But we missed you too!”

“Fubuki kept talking about you in recent days.”

“As if he ever stopped doing it.”

"I hope it's for good," Someoka murmured, tensing his face, embarrassed but at the same time happy, happy with the bond he shared with them all.

"Sure," laughed Juka, a beautiful blue-eyed blonde girl, whom Someoka found it weird to see without her synthetic hair cap.

“Hey! Leave him alone!” Fubuki exclaimed, stepping through the group of young people and hugging Someoka, making everyone laugh about their way of marking territory.

Although when he noticed how Fubuki's hands grabbed his chest, he became very nervous.

“Wasn't a football game to play?”

And with those words he was saved. The match began almost immediately, after a deafening exclamation of all the players in unison.

They played happily, having fun and putting their whole soul on that soccer ball that connected their hearts.

Some people began arriving to observe them, driven by the curiosity and fame of the football team.

"It's great to be able to play with you again, Someoka," smiled Sorano, a gray-haired boy, with the right side of his face hidden by his bangs, while hanging on Hyoujyou's arm.

He nodded and looked sideways at Fubuki, who was talking to a pink-haired girl whom Someoka didn't know so well. Seeing them, the boy frowned.

“What happens, Someoka?” asked the two boys also looking at Fubuki who laughed next to her.

“Shirou... something happens to him ...he is sad.”

“What?”

Neither of them understood.

"But it seems as lively as usual," Sorano murmured, then looked at his partner and they both shrugged.

But when Fubuki crossed his gaze with Someoka, he quickly withdrew it. He tried not to think about it but ... what would happen to him if Someoka left for Italy? If he couldn’t stand the current distance between their cities, a different country, on a different continent seemed unbearable ...

“Shirou.”

The boy looked up and found Someoka next to him, his hand wiped a tear that he was not aware of when he had begun to travel his flushed cheek.

The other boys murmured, especially surprised who had heard the pink haired boy. But then Juka said.

“We shouldn't be surprised. Both share very strong bonds.”

And his teammates except Atsuya, who was angry a little away, and Nae, who had recently entered and barely knew anyone, nodded emphatically.

"I'm sorry, Ryuugo." Fubuki tried to smile. “I'm fine, I'm fine.”

Someoka raised an eyebrow in doubt and Fubuki looked away a little.

“I'll be fine, eventually.”

“Shirou …”

Someoka brought his hand, heavy, comforting, reliable, to his shoulder, but then he began to hear it. That buzz, that buzz that rose in the air from where the girls who had come to watch the game watched, spreading like a poison.

The boy immediately withdrew his hand as if he had received a painful spark, excused himself saying that he wanted to go to the bathroom for a moment and got into the locker room.

He dropped onto a bench, and put his hands to his head, his pupils contracted and his heart shrieking. He did not realize that he had been followed.

“You are an idiot, Ryuugo!”

The door slammed open, Fubuki entered throwing himself on top of him and hugging him. He was crying.

“Don't pay attention to those people!”

Someoka closed his eyes for a moment, he could felt Fubuki's heart beat rapidly on his own chest. The white hands of the boy from the north clung desperately to Someoka's shirt.

He felt very uncomfortable. It was impossible that Fubuki could becomfortable like that, he was sweaty and besides, he was ugly.

“Fubuki is right” Juka had appeared at the door, and behind her were everyone else.

“Don't listen to those people, Someoka!” exclaimed Yukino.

"We should break their legs," Mabuka smiled, raising his thumb as his sunglasses reflected a teasing glow.

"We can not be all handsome, Someoka," murmured Hakoda, the goalkeeper. “But we don't know anyone with a heart bigger than yours.”

Inazuma's boy, who was still hugged by Fubuki, felt his legs tremble, although a warm feeling had replaced that previous pain, that pain that stabbed him every time the buzzing began. They were right, he could not collapse. He could not let those voices, those insults affect him that way or he would just be giving them the reason.

"We have a match to finish." He smiled roughly, trying to prove he was fine.

Atsuya who had also followed them, was standing against the wall with his arms crossed. Everyone nodded and started leaving, including Fubuki. But when Someoka went to move Atsuya got in the middle, he had a very aggressive look on his face and had clenched his fists.

“And who matters what those stupids say!? You are very important to my brother! I will never forgive you if you go away from him for something so stupid, stupid!”

That said, he ran away, leaving Someoka with his mouth open and confused. For a moment he had thought that Atsuya was going to hit him.

He scratched his head, looked down, smiled heartily, feeling encouraged by all them, they were all dear friends. He went back to the field, and despite the buzzing rose again, he felt the courage to ignore it.

The match ended very late, it was a lot of fun and although they were very close, it ended up winning the group that had Someoka and Fubuki. Atsuya, who had been on the other team, growled while the others laughed. Then they showered, dressed and went to eat together at a small mall in the snowy and small town. They spent the afternoon there, in the bowling.

When night began to fall, everyone returned to their homes.

“What do you want to do tomorrow, Ryuugo? We have free day.”

“I have no special plan. Whatever you want.”

Fubuki smiled and leaned back on the bed, opening his arms.

“I think my uncles are going down to the city to get the presents.”

“I'll go with them too” Atsuya had appeared in the doorframe, and was looking at his brother who had sat up a little.

“Why?”

“Because I have to buy a new cell phone because the other's stupidly threw himself into the toilet and broke down!”

“But Atsuya ... The cell phone was not thrown alone …”

“Good night!”

He left with a bang that made Fubuki laugh and finally infected Someoka.

“It seems that tomorrow we will be alone.”

That caused Someoka to suddenly cut his laugh.

The next day dawned very dark, with thick stormy clouds and a strong icy and intimidating wind.

“Is it really necessary that you go to the city?”

“Calm, Shirou. They say the storm will not begin until night. It's 8 in the morning, it gives us time.”

“Do not worry brother. They will not separate us again.”

“But …”

“Seriously, calm down, Shirou. You always worry a lot when it is a bad day.”

The silver-haired boy saw, with his knees shaking and a strong stomach knot, how his uncles and his brother got into the car and said goodbye. With immense fear that this was the last time he would see them.

“Nothing will happen, Shirou.”

The boy's green eyes widened and looked at his friend’s, filling with tears.

“But …”

“I promise.”

Someoka gently took Fubuki's shoulders and hugged him, although he was aware that he could do nothing about that promise. The boy broke into tears of relief that as they left released the burden of his heart.

"Thank you, Ryuugo," he murmured in a trembling voice.

He shrugged and smiled, wanting to take the weather out of his dear friend's mind, he said:

“Hey, Shirou, I feel like watching a movie.”

“Let's watch a movie then!”

Fubuki's glowing smile illuminated his pretty face, and a pinkish tone appeared on the cheeks of the short pink-haired boy. So much that he adored that smile, he was as beautiful as the most beautiful of the jewels.

They both settled on the couch, with a blanket above and a cup of hot chocolate, watching movies during the morning.

Until they heard that.

Someoka felt a chill run through his body, although his reaction was nothing like that of his host who dropped his cup which broked into pieces. He trembled like the leaves of the trees shakened by the fierce wind.

Someoka had never experienced a blizzard, but he immediately understood why it generated so much respect among the locals.

Fubuki tried to contact his family, but the mobiles had run out of signal, and the flashing lights of the lamps indicated that they would soon run out of electricity. Someoka calmer looked for candles and matches, trying to reassure the other boy who was still desperately trying to make the call.

The acute ring of the house phone rang in the room, muffled by the bellow of nature. Fubuki jumped to answer the call.

“Hello, it’s Fubuki’s house... Aunt!”

The boy let out a sigh and Someoka approached.

"Yes. Yes. We can spend the night alone. Yes. No. And me too.”

Fubuki hung at the same time that the lights finally went out and a strong wind shake made the shutters of the house moan in agony.

The flickering light of the candle that Someoka carried in his hand barely illuminated Fubuki's frightened but relieved face.

“My uncles and my brother will spend the night in the city, the storm hasn't arrived yet there. They will come back when they can.”

“It’s okay, Shirou. We will all be fine.”

Someoka smiled protectively and moved by a spring he didn't know leaving a kiss on Fubuki's forehead.

He almost fell the candle in his hands.

Someoka retired scared of himself.

“I'm sorry! I'm sorry!”

His face was totally red and his eyes, elusive, looked into the darkness. Maybe he would have seen Fubuki's soft expression otherwise.

“It’s okay, it didn't bother me.”

Fubuki came over and took his hand.

“I know you did it to make me feel protected. However…” the boy sighed, Someoka still didn't look at him “I always feel protected with you.”

He hugged his chest and buried his face in it. Someoka's heart went off beating so loudly that he thought it mitigated the sound of the storm.

“Do you think I'm a coward, Ryuugo?”

“What?”

“Do you think I'm a …”

“Of course not, Shirou! Why would I think that?”

“Because I'm afraid of blizzards. I feel ashamed.”

Someoka swallowed, put the candle on the little table beside the sofa and hugged Fubuki back, very tenderly. This made a noise of surprise, and he held on even stronger.

“We all fear something.”

The silver-haired boy raised his head and his eyes met under the orange light of the flickering candle fire.

“Are you also afraid of something?” he asked curiously.

He couldn't imagine Someoka so strong, so masculine, so athletic, so determined, so brave, with fear.

“Of course. Very afraid.”

Someoka's voice hid a hint of shame.

“To what?”

The boy's lips tightened and his arms tightened more on Fubuki.

“People.”

Fubuki opened his eyes dumbfounded.

“People? Are you afraid of me?”

Someoka made a strange noise, like a rubber duck that worked poorly.

“I don't mean someone specifically ... What scares me is ... interacting with others, groups, people …”

Fubuki's eyes were fixed on him.

“Fans?”

“Yes …”

“You shouldn't listen to them! Nothing they say against you is true! You are nice, Someoka! The nicest!”

“It's not true, I ... I ... I am a bad person, I am ugly and I always stink of sweat.”

Someoka's voice trembled as he spoke, his heart ached so badly that he didn't notice Fubuki's hands twitching, furious to hear that.

But so many times they had told him that, so many times they had insulted him, so many times the girls shouted at him to go away when he was just trying to help. Perhaps believing that he would do something to them, as if he were a degenerate, as if he were interested in them in a totally superficial way. But no, his heart had long belonged to someone whom he would take care of forever from afar, without making him suffer his presence.

“You're not a bad person, Ryuugo! You're the best person in the world! You always help us all and defend us from who wants to harm us. You have a heart of gold! And it's normal that you smell bad when you train, I smell bad too. We all smell bad! Haven't you smelled the sweaty T-shirts of Endou? They should be incinerated.”

Someoka's eyes shone with sadness, sadness of not wanting to believe those words, because i fhe believed them ... if he believed them ... -

“Will you also say that I am not ugly?”

“Are you really so ugly?” Fubuki shrugged. “You don't look like me, you know? And even if it was true, even if you were ugly ... what is beauty? Isn't it a manipulation through something so ephemeral that you can barely control in order to sell endless products to prevent people from feeling comfortable with themselves? Do you consider me someone so superficial, Ryuugo?”

“Eh ... No, it's not that …”

“Also!” Fubuki's voice became more hesitant as his face flushed in the semi darkness. “You have a great body ... you are so muscular ... so ... so manly ... And your butt…”

Someoka felt it was burning, confused and surprised.

“My ... my butt?”

“Your butt is perfect ... Eh ... It's not that I dedicate to look at it or anything like that! It's ... it's what I've heard of ... of the girls …”

A sigh of grief surprised the silver-haired boy.

“Of course.”

Fubuki felt his heart clench, he gripped harder on the back of the boy and buried his head in his chest, noticing his beating.

“Only sometimes.”

“What?”

“Sometimes I do, sometimes I do look at your butt, but it's your fault for having such a perfect body! Mine is so androgynous …”

The boy was paralyzed without knowing what to answer, without knowing what to think. His head just shouted that "what !?", in a loop.

“I like your bu”

But Someoka's hand covered his mouth, and the totally embarrassed boy mumbled.

“You shouldn't say those things with that cute mouth.”

Fubuki's eyes dilated their pupils, he smiled noticing how his cheeks were so red that it became painful. He grabbed the hand with which Someoka had covered his mouth and brought it to his incandescent cheek.

“Do you think my mouth is cute?”

“N-no!”

But it was a lie too obvious and the silver haired boy laughed, although much more flushed. His heart was beating so fast ...

“I think you are cute.”

His eyes narrowed a little, the candlelight trembled, tearing out dancing shadows.

“I'm not cute, I'm ugly.”

Fubuki sighed, looking at the small mocking fire. He also heard the comments that people made about Someoka, especially those fanatical teenagers who followed him everywhere. They called his friend horrible things, especially when they were together or in one way or another they end up touching or having any kind of physical contact. Things like "who do you think that spawn is to touch our Fubuki?", "Why doesn't he throw himself into the river and disappear from our sight? He would do the world a favor."

He felt guilty, because it was when they were together that those comments came more. Why did Someoka have to go through something like that? Why couldn't they be holding hands without those voices firing at each other? Why didn't those people get into their own affairs and leave them alone?

Every time he heard those comments, every time someone insulted Someoka, every time it happened ... an acid sensation was bubbling and burning inside. These people disgusted him, those people managed to get the worst out of him.

“You really are stubborn with that, Ryuugo.”

The boy bit his lips, a step away from the other boy to observe how could he do understand Someoka he didn’t care about his physical appearance?, who cared he had a gaunt face and perhaps a bit intimidating when inside he was all fluff and softness?, the most beautiful person he knew.

“Ryuugo…”

A roar of the storm shook the house and Fubuki shivered, squatting and covering his head, with a cry of fear. When he wasn't in his arms, he felt totally vulnerable.

But those arms surrounded him again, drawing him to his chest with a gesture so delicate that Fubuki melted, the pain in his heart slid from his eyes in fat tears.

“Ryuugo! I don't care what others think! I love you!”

That was an unexpected revelation. It couldn’t be, he heard wrong. Surely he had heard wrong. The boy's little black eyes watered, but the silver-haired boy took his hands with a slight hesitation and stroked his cheek and wiped away the tears that formed in his eyes.

“I really like you, Ryuugo.”

Fubuki rested his ear on Someoka's chest, which seemed to have been stepped on by an accelerator, while the boy tried to process what he had just heard and his face seemed petrified.

“I love you, Ryuugo!” Fubuki shouted, clutching so hard it even hurt him. “I love you ... I really love you ... I love you …”

Someoka still couldn't react, only his heart had been saved from immobility.

“You have always taken care of me, you have always protected me, even though you didn't like me at the beginning ... Now I want to protect you!”

“But I …”

“I don't care! I'm in love with you! I like you just the way you are! Stop saying bad things about yourself.”

“Shirou …”

“I want to date you! I want to marry you! Marry me, Ryuugo! Even ... even if you have to go to Italy…”

The boy felt Someoka's arms squeeze him harder, but without hurting him, and then they separated. His eyes met. Eyes so sweet, so good, so kind. Eyes that stole his breath every time he looked at them. Eyes whose owner seemed to feel the same complexity of emotions that they produced in the one who was observing.

Fubuki's eyes filled with tears blinked trying not to seem pathetic. But Someoka didn't see anyone pathetic, his expression showed so much love that Fubuki's lip began to shake.

“Shirou, I love you too.”

The pink-haired boy smiled at him with sweetness, shyness, shame and fear. Fubuki let out a cry of happiness and threw himself against him, putting his lips together so hard that they fell against the couch.

It was their first kiss. A kiss with a taste of tears and chocolate.

Fubuki was at the airport alone, standing in front of the international arrivals gate, waiting nervously. More nervous than ever. In a few moments the person he loved most in the entire universe would come out through those doors. He was finally returning from Italy, finally returning to Japan after several long years. And he would not leave again, because he had managed to enter the Japanese soccer team. They would finally be together. Together forever.

As soon as he saw him the light illuminated his eyes and jumped into his arms; he smiled and hugged him back, left a kiss on his forehead and he left a kiss on the lips, both laughed at the meeting that filled their hearts with peace, love and warmth. A meeting that inflated their chests like a balloon that wanted to ascend to heaven.

As they walked together on their way to Fubuki's car, he entwined his fingers with those of the newcomer. In their ring fingers gold rings that carried a recording glowed.

“Let's be like the wind together."

#somefubuweek2019 #IE5shipsweek #inazuma eleven #someoka ryuugo #fubuki shirou #fubuki #someoka #shirou #ryuugo #somefubu #SomeokaxFubuki #fan fic

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sistercelluloid · 5 years

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Ah, there’s the Audrey we love—light and breezy, cycling around the set of Sabrina in capri pants and a ponytail.

But a scant eight years earlier, an Audrey we’ll grow to love even more was cycling through the darkened streets of her Nazi-occupied city, entrusted with urgent missives of the Dutch Resistance printed on sheets no bigger than paper napkins: “I stuffed them in my woolen socks in my wooden shoes, got on my bike and delivered them.”

This is the girl we meet in Robert Matzen’s extraordinary and deeply moving new book, Dutch Girl: Audrey Hepburn in WWII (GoodKnight Books, 2019), gleaned from exhaustive research that includes family diaries, Dutch archival records, Audrey’s own recollections, and interviews with villagers who knew her during the war. It also features photographs from her personal collection, published for the first time.

Audrey didn’t come by her anti-Nazi fervor naturally: both her parents were fiercely pro-fascist. Her father, Joseph Ruston, peddled Nazi propaganda so hard that he wound up on the radar of British intelligence. And her mother, the Baroness Ella Van Heemstra, penned articles praising the Führer (“Well may Adolf Hitler be proud of the rebirth of this great country and of the rejuvenation of the German spirit!”)—and treasured the moment he kissed her hand during a personal audience in Munich.

Ruston abandoned his family when Adriaanjte (“little Audrey”) was only six—opening a wound that would never fully heal. (“I think it is hard sometimes for children who are dumped,” she recalled decades later, the pain still palpable. “I don’t care who they are. It tortures a child beyond measure. They don’t know what the problem was.”) Also undone by the sudden shock, Ella shuttled her two sons off to a boarding school in The Hague and Audrey to another near Dover, England, where she found refuge in music and dance. (“I fell in love with dancing,” she said later. “There was a young dancer who would come up from London once a week and give ballet lessons. I loved it, just loved it.”)

But in 1939, as the Nazis blighted ever more of Europe, the baroness, who had moved from Belgium to the Netherlands to be closer to family, reclaimed her children to a land she thought was safe. Astonishingly, she still trusted Hitler, and believed he wouldn’t invade a country that Germany had deemed off-limits during the Great War.

Ten-year-old Audrey made it safely out of England not a moment too soon. “There were still a few Dutch planes allowed to fly,” she later recalled. “They put me on this bright orange plane. You know, orange is the national color and it flew very low. It was really one of the last planes out.”

Ella’s peculiar trust in the Führer proved short-lived, as the Nazis invaded the Netherlands the following spring. “We saw the grey uniforms of the German soldiers on foot,” Audrey would remember. “They all held machine guns and marched in looking spick and span and disciplined… then came the rumble of trucks… and the next thing we knew they had taken complete charge of the town.”

In Holland, she continued to find solace in the rigors of ballet, enrolling in a music school run by a celebrated local instructor. And she found warmth and comfort with her Uncle Otto and his wife Wilhelmina, who gave her the affection her mother brusquely withheld.

Even in the early years of the occupation, Ella remained on friendly terms with influential local Nazis, which helped her maintain a prominent—and to her, still important—role in the town’s cultural affairs. But she finally relented when the war took a monstrously personal toll.

In May 1942, Otto was one of hundreds rounded up, arrested and imprisoned for the acts of resistance across the Netherlands. Four months later, when critical a rail line was sabotaged, he was one of five hostages dragged from their beds and driven to the middle of a remote forest. There, they were forced to dig their own graves through the night, and executed by firing squad at dawn the next morning. Grief-stricken and terrified, Audrey’s family fled to Velp, where her grandfather lived.

After years of study which helped keep her sane, Audrey had become Arnhem’s most prominent young ballerina, grudgingly giving her first public performance in July 1941 for an audience of Nazi soldiers. But the heartbreak of losing her beloved uncle hardened her even further against the brutal occupiers—and soon, she would turn her talents to aiding the Resistance movement that Otto had given his life for. She started performing at secret, invitation-only fundraisers called zwarte avonden (black evenings), so named because the windows were blacked out to avoid Nazi detection. “Guards were posted outside to let us know when Germans approached,” Hepburn later recalled. “The best audiences I ever had made not a single sound at the end of my performance.”

In the summer of 1944, a family friend introduced Audrey to Dr. Hendrik Visser ’t Hooft, whose hospital was the center of the local Resistance, where doctors and staff forged identity papers and set up communications with the Allies. Audrey helped treat the wounded during the bloody, protracted Battle of Arnhem, and, because she spoke fluent English, carried messages to downed American and British fliers, telling them where they might find food and safe haven.

One English pilot who was shot down found shelter with the Hepburns, who hid him until he could make his escape. “My mother told me it was thrilling for her—it was risky, he was a stranger in uniform, a savior, and therefore a knight and hero,” her son, Luca Dotti, recalls in Dutch Girl. “Then I learned about the German law that if you were caught hiding an enemy, the whole family would be taken away.”

Partly as a form of cruel vengeance against a people who clearly despised and resisted them, the Nazis began withholding food, fuel, coal, and other vital supplies; even water was in short supply. During the “Hunger Winter” of 1944-45, thousands succumbed to intense cold and starvation, while many who survived, including Audrey, suffered extreme malnutrition. She went for days at a time without eating, and meals, when they could be cobbled together, usually consisted of a potato or a slice of bread—often made from ground tulip bulbs—and a thin broth.

Finally in April 1945, Canadian forces, bearing gifts of cigarettes and candy bars, forced the last Nazis out of Velp. And Audrey celebrated by gorging on chocolate until she was too sick to eat any more.

Dutch Girl is Matzen’s third volume covering the war years of classic Hollywood stars, following Fireball: Carole Lombard and the Mystery of Flight 3 and Mission: Jimmy Stewart and the Fight for Europe. I love all three, not only for the meticulous research he devotes to them—by now he’s practically a grizzled war veteran himself—but because he pushes past the ordinary celebrity portraits to reveal aspects of their lives and characters we’d never known before.

In the case of Audrey Hepburn, this is especially welcome. It always bothers me when she’s portrayed merely as a meringue confection or style icon, when there was so much underneath, so much more going on behind her eyes. Now, thanks to Matzen’s book, we know what some of that was.

The horrors she witnessed, and those that shattered her family first-hand, would have hardened a lot people, or perhaps instilled a sense of entitlement. Audrey had literally looked pure evil in the face, and God knows she’d earned a safe, secure haven to hide away in. Instead, she reached out to a world still in pain, still battling hunger and disease, war and injustice. She could have looked away. With all her heart, she didn’t.

From almost the moment she gained a public platform, Audrey used it for good, urging the world to Look. See. Help. The phrase “worked tirelessly” is tossed around a lot, but she did—for the Red Cross and as an ambassador for UNICEF. All over the world, wherever a light needed to be shown. At fundraisers, she sometimes gave readings from the diary of Anne Frank, who was born the same year and whose family had also fled to Holland in a frantic search for safety, to find it only briefly. She knew many passages by heart.

“The war was very, very important to her,” says Dotti in Dutch Girl. “It made her who she was.” Or, just maybe, it revealed who Adriaantje was all along, from the very beginning.

Dutch Girl: Audrey Hepburn in WWII Reveals Entirely New Facets of Her Life, Including Her Work as a Resistance Fighter Ah, there’s the Audrey we love—light and breezy, cycling around the set of Sabrina in capri pants and a ponytail.

#arnhem #audrey hepburn #dutch girl audrey hepburn in wwii #luca dotti #nazis #robert matzen #wwII

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hcsmca · 5 years

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Q&A with Kate Bowler

After being diagnosed with Stage IV cancer at age 35, Duke tenured professor and author Kate Bowler launched a national conversation about why it feels so difficult to speak frankly about suffering. She delves into how we live and cope with pain and suffering in Everything Happens for a Reason (and other lies I’ve loved), a NYT bestselling memoir, and in her popular podcast, Everything Happens. She is also the author of Blessed: A History of the American Prosperity Gospel, which received widespread media and academic attention as the first history of a movement based on divine promises of health, wealth, and happiness. She has appeared on NPR and The TODAY Show, Amanpour & CO, as well as in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and TIME Magazine. Her work has also been praised by a wide variety of religious and political publications, from liberal print media to conservative talk radio. You can watch her 2018 TEDMED Talk here.

TEDMED: In your TEDMED talk, you describe how people often try to find a reason for why you were diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer, assuring you and your husband that, “everything happens for a reason.” Given your experience, what would you encourage people to say or do when someone in their life experiences a difficult diagnosis?

Kate Bowler: It’s so tough because there usually isn’t much to say that will help–but the desire to say something is so strong! We have an intense desire to love the suffering person but usually it devolves into burdensome attempts to relate (“When my aunt had cancer…”) Luckily, the easiest approach is also the best one: trust that your loving presence is enough. Be useful and available, but ask for little. John Green recently told me something that his mentor in hospital chaplaincy taught him: “Don’t just do something! Stand there.” It’s wonderfully counter-intuitive and absolutely true.

TM: In the past, you’ve talked about how removing the need for a reason that bad things happen, and accepting your cancer has, in small ways, made you able to see and enjoy things more fully, and perhaps in a way you hadn’t before. Do any of these experiences stand out that you can share?

KB: Oh, wow, I immediately think of parenting. I had been on the superhighway of achievement, or at least I liked to think so. And now I am fiercely determined to keep my focus on my deepest loves, especially my five-year old human. There is usually a moment every day that I would have missed in my own rush to conquer the day. Today it was my son climbing up on my lap in his jammies while I was taking a call, solemnly looking into my eyes and whispering: “Can we talk about lizards now?” He was right. The sun was bright and the breeze was dreamy and it was exactly the right time to talk about lizards.

TM: Through your TEDMED talk, and the online community you have cultivated, you spark conversations about both the beauty and the difficulty of life – as you say: “Life is so beautiful and life is so hard.” How has your work been impacted by this online community and the conversations they engage in about the chaos and the clarity that comes with being human? Are there any stories that have been shared with you that you have found particularly inspiring?

KB: The biggest change in my life, after cancer, has been this incredible community I’ve found through my podcast, Everything Happens. As it turns out, I am not alone in feeling constrained by this American myth of self-mastery and endless progress. We are longing for what my friend Margaret Feinberg called “the fellowship of the afflicted.” Now when I speak to someone, I assume this person is carrying something he or she did not choose. One of the recent episodes was with Jayson Greene, whose toddler was killed in a terrible accident. His rich account of grief as the language of love was so powerful to me. In reassembling our worlds after loss, it feels honest to say that our pain is also an expression of our biggest loves.

TM: You are a self described “incurable optimist”. To what do you attribute this? Have you always been an incurable optimist, or did that come later in life?

KB: I have such a love-hate relationship with positivity as a category because I am an expert in the history of positive thinking. I found that so much of what passes as happiness or positivity is weaponized against suffering people. “Oh, are you not happy? You must be failing to live your best life now!” But I have found that a deep, hard-won joy is necessary when facing down hard realities. I may have insurmountable obstacles, but I am focused on finding beauty and truth regardless. That’s why I call myself an “incurable optimist.” It is pure stubbornness.

TM: What was the TEDMED experience like for you?

KB: It was the best public experience of my life. The community there was so absurdly loving and focused on helping me share my experience honestly. The organizers even had a stage manager there to HUG ME before I went on stage. Ok, that lovely person hugged everyone, but I felt so fortunate to be loved as I attempted to do a hard, public thing.

At TEDMED, we like to think about each talk as having a “gift” – that thing that reveals new perspectives and profoundly influences our own – or our collective – health. What is the gift you’d like people to receive when watching your TEDMED Talk?

Life doesn’t have to be better to be beautiful. Oh, if you are hurting right now, I want you to know you are so loved. You are not a mistake.

The post Q&A with Kate Bowler appeared first on TEDMED Blog.

Read more from TEDMED https://blog.tedmed.com/qa-with-kate-bowler/#utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss

#TEDMED #California #HCSM #2016

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toabyssandbeyond · 6 years

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Getting into witchcraft&witchery journal day #14:

personal notes but feel free to read

Tarot reading about my deities&descriptions of them afterwards:

So since last time I shared my thoughts here, I started my Grimoire and have built 3 altars for the three deities I worship... but seeing as our connection have changed drastically over the years I wanted to get to know them better. I decided to make a tarot spread (1st image), only that instead of asking randomly, I decided to ask each at their own turn.

note: if you’ve read my last entry about the deities I worship you’ll know that they aren’t known by others and are pretty much private, although they have parallels in other religions.

First was the deity I call Lady Fate. This is one I believed in since pre-school as this was my interpretation of god... An entity that pre-decides people’s destinies or at least the major milestones.

1. The entity: King of Swords

The King of Swords is a symbol of intellectual power and authority, and has the courage and intellect to accomplish all that he desires. He represents judgement, command, and rulership. His character indicates the stern leadership of a judge, lawyer, or military commander whose emotions must be kept in check under the pressure of battle.

(which you could or could not say fits a deity of fate/destiny...)

2. Their history: Page of Wands

The Page of Wands is similar to the Fool in that he is a free spirit who represents change and new beginnings. He has a true passion for life, despite his understanding of this world is not yet fully developed. He has not yet been weighed down by the burdens of the material world, coming and going as he pleases, and usually encouraging change wherever he goes. He is like the catalyst that inspires changes that might be impossible in any other situation.

3. Past Influences & experiences: Eight of Pentacles

The Eight of Pentacles is a card of apprenticeship and mastery. When this card appears in a Tarot reading, you are working hard to improve your skills and become a master at what you do. You may have recently changed your work, education or financial circumstances, and now you are applying your sheer determination and concentration to master the new skill that you are learning.

4. Personality, attitude & opinions: King of Swords (I mean... yeah it’s the same as the 1st question XD)

5. Their current status: Six of Wands

The Six of Wands is all about success, victory and public recognition. Not only have you succeeded in achieving your goals, you are now being publicly acknowledged for your efforts and your results.

6. Their health overall: Ten of Swords

The Ten of Swords usually symbolises a sudden and unexpected failure or disaster, whereby a power beyond your control crushes you without warning or mercy.

7. Their mental health: Death XIII

After a period of pause and reflection with the Hanged Man, the Death card symbolises the end of a major phase or aspect of your life that you realise is no longer serving you, opening up the possibility of something far more valuable and essential. You must close one door to open another.

8. What they like to do & have done for them: Page of Swords

This card shows you as a young and idealistic person, with lots of plans and ideas for the future. At this moment, you feel as though you could do almost anything. As a Page, you are just beginning to make your way in life, and it is important that you align with others who will not overwhelm you or stifle your direction and ideas. Instead, seek to align yourself with people who will nurture your ideas and will help you to manifest them in an organised manner. Choose a relationship that feels natural, with someone who will learn and grow along with you and give you a chance to develop your own personality and expression. You have an intelligent and sensitive nature, and you may suffer a lot if there is no outlet for your ideas and feelings.

(aw come on you’ll make me cry...)

9. Physical manifestation: Six of Cups

In the Six of Cups, a young boy leans down and passes a cup filled with flowers to a younger girl. The girl looks up to the boy with love and respect as he offers the flowers to her. Love, harmony and co-operation – all key elements of the Six of Cups – shine through this gentle act. The young children also represent childhood memories

The Six of Cups invites you to get in touch with your inner child and experience the fun, freedom and innocence that comes with being a young child again.

10. What to know: Ten of Pentacles

When the Ten of Pentacles appears in a Tarot reading, you are surrounded by wealth and are blessed with financial abundance. There is no ‘wanting’ any more – you have everything you need, especially within the material realm. You feel financially secure and trust that, as a result of your personal successes and accomplishments, you will always have what you need and desire. You express deep gratitude for fulfilling your material goals and dreams.

11. What to avoid: Ace of Swords

When the Ace of Swords appears in a Tarot reading, it is an excellent time to start a new project that needs your intellect, communication skills and mental power. You may be inspired to take a writing class, practice your public speaking skills, or get involved in activities that require more brain power than usual.

(so... I should avoid starting new projects?...)

12. Positive influences, friends or experiences: Six of Wands (yeah I guess this is the same question as no.5)

13. Negative influences, enemies or experiences: Three of Cups

The Three of Cups often indicates a very sociable period – perhaps a birthday, a wedding, the holiday season or a vacation with friends. See it as your opportunity to let your hair down and forget about your day-to-day commitments and obligations for a while. Instead, spend quality time with friends and family and enjoy yourself!

(so... bad influences in social situations? Or made enemies in social situations?... Not too sure...)

14. Conscious desires & thoughts: Ten of Cups

The Ten of Cups embodies happiness, joy, and emotional contentment, particularly in your relationships and family. You have created an abundance of love and happiness in your life, and you now share this love with others, expanding your heart even more.

15. Unconscious desires & thoughts: The Empress III

The Empress signifies abundance. You are surrounded by life’s pleasures and luxuries and have everything you need to live a comfortable lifestyle. You are in a period of growth, in which all you have dreamed of is now coming to fruition.

16. Hopes: Queen of Cups

The Queen of Cups is nurturing, caring, compassionate and sensitive. When you see her in a Tarot reading, you are embodying her ‘nurturing mother’ energy. You support others by listening with your heart, being compassionate, and caring for them deeply. You are empathic and can sense the needs of others by tuning in to your intuition, and you hold the space for others to express their emotions and be the truest, most authentic versions of themselves.

17. Fears: The Sun XIX

In the foreground, a young, naked child is sitting on top of a calm white horse. The child represents the joy of being connected with your inner spirit, and his nakedness is a sign he has nothing to hide and has all the innocence and purity of childhood. The white horse is also a sign of purity and strength.

(”The child represents the joy of being connected with your inner spirit“... I really hope it doesn’t mean what I think it means...)

So, exactly as I’ve always imagined her, Lady Fate is generally a young deity who’ve worked hard to be at the status she is right now. She wants me to know that I’m not lacking anything and should take control of my life and surround myself by like-minded people... Her health and mental health have taken a hit, and all she wants and hopes for is to be in a place of joy and emotional contentment as well as to be feminine, and to be a nurturing mother... Her physical manifestation seems to be a child. Now I hope that this is not how it looks, but she seems to dislike me connecting with my “inner spirit”... more on that later.

(side note- my heart was pounding extremely hard the entire time I was doing this reading and once I finished it calmed down and now I’m freezing...)

Next is going to be a deity I call Luck. I guess the equivalent in other religions would be Karma, or even “Balance”. (You’ll notice that I frequently refer to Luck as “it” or “them”... somehow their gender was never established...)

1. The entity: King of Wands

The King of Wands represents pure fire energy. Unlike the other Wands court cards, he is not so interesting in actual creation and creativity, or in dreaming up ideas and implementing them himself. Instead, he is more inclined to take an idea and change the world to match his vision. As such he is a natural-born leader of all kinds of people, and he is very visionary.

(That’s... actually extremely fitting, especially when you remember how many people believe in karma... Also another part stated that it loves challenges and adrenaline which from my experience is 100% right...)

(note: fire energy)

2. Their history: Three of Swords

When the Three of Swords appears in a Tarot reading, it is sign that you are feeling deeply hurt and disappointed. Your heart has been pierced with these three swords, through others’ hurtful words, actions and intention, and they have inflicted intense emotions of pain, sadness, grief, and heartbreak. These events feel even more painful because they are often unexpected and come out of the blue.

3. Past Influences & experiences: King of Cups

The King of Cups embodies the perfect balance between the executive and the heart. Not only are you able to assess and manage a situation logically, but you can also draw upon your intuition and understanding of human interactions. As a leader, you care as much about achieving your goals and objectives as you do about making sure everyone is happy and engaged along the way.

(So balance between logic and feelings as well... hm okay.)

4. Personality, attitude & opinions: Death XIII

The Death card has elements of a sudden and unexpected change. Death happens to everyone, no matter who you are, how much money you have, where you live, or what colour your skin is; it is the same with a significant change. So, the Death card can be a sign you may feel as though you are caught in the path of sweeping change and cannot escape its effects.

(an unexpected deity that acts suddenly and without a warning, it doesn’t who or what you are, it’ll find you. That’s luck/karma for ya)

5. Their current status: The High Priestess II

The High Priestess signifies spiritual enlightenment, inner illumination, divine knowledge and wisdom. She shows up in your Tarot readings when the veil between you and the underworld is thin, and you have the opportunity to access the knowledge deep within your soul. Now is the time to be still so you can tune in to your intuition.

6. Their health overall: The Tower XVI

Just when you think you’re safe and comfortable, a Tower moment hits and throws you for a loop. A lightning bolt of clarity and insight cuts through the lies and illusions you have been telling yourself, and now the truth comes to light. Your world may come crashing down before you, in ways you could never have imagined as you realise that you have been building your life on unstable foundations – false assumptions, mistruths, illusions, blatant lies, and so on.

7. Their mental health: The Star XVII

The Star brings renewed hope and faith, and a sense that you are truly blessed by the Universe. You are entering a peaceful, loving phase in your life, filled with calm energy, mental stability and more in-depth understanding of both yourself and others around you. This is a time of significant personal growth and development as you are now ready to receive the many blessings of the Universe.

8. What they like to do & have done for them: The Star XVII

(... likes others doing what they have been doing? Have hope and faith.)

9. Physical manifestation: Four of Cups

Sometimes this card brings the message, ‘Not now, but maybe later.’ While the man in the Four of Cups doesn’t accept the cups offered to him, he doesn’t wholly reject them either. You may be waiting for a sign or further information before taking an invitation or new project. Check in emotionally and spiritually before you say ‘yes’, to make sure the opportunity is a good fit and that you can commit to it in the long-term.

10. What to know: The Chariot VII

Now isn’t the time to be passive in the hope that things will work out in your favour. Take focused action and stick to the course, no matter what challenges may come your way – because, believe me, there will be challenges. You may be pulled in opposite directions and find your strength and conviction tested. Others may try to block you, distract you, or drag down the pursuit of your goal.

11. What to avoid: The Devil XV

The Devil card often appears when you have been tricked into thinking you have no control over your shadow self or these negative forces, and that you can never break free from their hold.

12. Positive influences, friends or experiences: Four of Wands

With the Four of Wands, it is the perfect time to get together with your family and friends and to celebrate all the wonderful times that you have had together. Often, this card reflects the holiday period where you get together with the extended family and join in a celebration. Alternatively, it may be as simple as inviting your closest friends over for an intimate dinner and a few glasses of nice wine.

13. Negative influences, enemies or experiences: Page of Wands

(... this is the same that I got for Fate’s history... Do they have a bad history with each other?)

14. Conscious desires & thoughts: Nine of Wands

The Nine of Wands is like the one last test or challenge before you can reach ultimate success. You feel as if you have come to the end of your fighting powers but you have the skill and determination in reserve. You are in a position of strength and by drawing upon all of your courage and abilities, you will prevail. Once the last obstacle is overcome, you are home free.

15. Unconscious desires & thoughts: Ten of Swords

The Ten of Swords usually symbolises a sudden and unexpected failure or disaster, whereby a power beyond your control crushes you without warning or mercy.

(same as Fate’s current overall health... did they want that to happen?)

16. Hopes: Two of Swords

The Two of Swords indicates that you are facing a challenging decision but you are unclear about which option to take. Both options may seem equally as good – or as bad – as each other, and you are stumped about which option will lead you to the best outcomes.

17. Fears: Six of Swords

The Six of Swords invites you to let go of whatever it is that is holding you back, be it from your past or your present circumstances. Instead look to your future and choose the best option that is most in alignment with your Highest Good and long-term potential.

So... this was interesting. Luck is a leader, knowledgeable, who likes challenges. It has been deeply disappointed/hurt but is now learning to have hope and trust in the future, and it wants others to do the same and take action. It seems to have a bad past with Fate and could even be involved in the reason of her current health. They appear as a man who’s given an opportunity (it’s also what they hope for) but doesn’t take it yet, as their fears are of moving forwards and letting go of what is holding them back.

(note- been cold the entire time of doing this reading, finished and now it’s super hot in here...??)

Next and last deity is my guardian angel, he’s been the easiest to communicate with since he appeared (when I was 15) but it doesn’t look like he wants me to communicate with other deities... And that’s why I want to do this reading, maybe he’ll explain me what is going on this way... (I’m keeping his name off tumblr intentionally)

1. The entity: Page of Cups

As each Page asks you to explore a new facet of yourself, the Page of Cups is asking you to explore your creative, emotional self. You may start a new art class, read books about how to express your feelings, or learn more about developing your psychic abilities. Dreamy aspirations race through your mind, and you may find yourself moved by simple things. Don’t be afraid to let your feelings show and wear your heart on your sleeve.

(well, out of the three he is the one I generally consider as a part of my being. That and also I’ve became a lot more creative and my psychic abilities developed a lot since he appeared...)

2. Their history: Queen of Cups

The Queen of Cups says you are highly intuitive, creative, and in flow with the surrounding energies. In your interactions with others, you can easily read other people to get a sense of how to communicate effectively, enabling you both to feel heard and understood. Others may come to you to confide their personal issues regarding relationships, emotions and feelings. They trust you and know that you always have the right solution. You can instantly tune in to what others are going through and can help them make sense of it. You may be a healer, counsellor or intuitive coach; or maybe just a good friend. You recognise the Divine in everyone you meet.

(also the card I got for what Fate hopes for...)

3. Past Influences & experiences: The Emperor IV

As the father figure of the Tarot deck, the Emperor suggests that you are adopting this fatherly role (regardless of whether you are male or female), providing for your family, and protecting and defending your loved ones. You may be the breadwinner or the ‘rock’ for those who rely on your stability and security.

4. Personality, attitude & opinions: Six of Cups

The Six of Cups invites you to get in touch with your inner child and experience the fun, freedom and innocence that comes with being a young child again.

(was also Fate’s physical manifestation hmmm...)

5. Their current status: Six of Swords

The Six of Swords indicates that you are in a state of transition, leaving behind what was familiar and comfortable and moving towards the unknown. You might be moving house, leaving a relationship, changing jobs, going through a rite of passage or feeling a mental shift of some kind. This change may be as a result of your doing, or forced upon you. You may feel sad and upset to leave behind what is so familiar to you, however you know that this move is essential for your growth and personal development.

(also what luck is afraid of)

6. Their health overall: Queen of Wands

The Queen of Wands is the dominant feminine energy of the element of Fire. She is highly energetic and leads a busy and active life. She radiates health and vitality and has an inner vibrancy that fills her with ongoing energy and inspiration. This Queen is a natural-born, intelligent leader who actively inspires others.

(note: Also fire element, like luck.)

7. Their mental health: The Hanged Man XII

When the Hanged Man appears in a Tarot reading, your projects and activities may be coming to an unexpected and abrupt halt. Don’t keep pushing forward, hoping that more force will drive you to where you want to go. Instead, surrender to the opportunity to pause and view it as your chance to reassess and re-evaluate where you are on your path.

8. What they like to do & have done for them: Nine of Wands

You may have experienced setbacks that now leave you feeling distrustful of others or even yourself. The turning point will come when you are able to leave the past behind you and to cultivate a more open mind about the future. While you have experienced losses in the past, it does not mean that you have to experience further losses in the future. Turn a new leaf and push on.

(Also Luck’s desire)

9. Physical manifestation: The Hermit IX

The Hermit stands alone on the top of a mountain. The snow-capped range symbolises his spiritual mastery, growth and accomplishment. He has chosen this path of self-discovery and, as a result, has reached a heightened state of awareness.

(more or less how I envision him as it is...)

10. What to know: Ten of Wands

The Tens in Tarot represent the completion of a cycle, and thus with the Ten of Wands, you have reached the end of a cycle after a period of struggle. You are finally reaping your rewards after investing a lot of hard work and effort. You have fulfilled a creative venture, realised a dream or accomplished a major goal, and now must deal with the consequences of that fulfilment.

This card can also mean that you are being oppressed by outside sources. You are over-worked, over-tired and over-stimulated. You have more on your plate than you can possibly handle and you have taken on too much at this point in time. In an effort to get to the finish line, you have found yourself overwhelmed with the extra responsibility and activity. You need to stop working so hard.

11. What to avoid: Justice XI

The Justice card represents justice, fairness, truth and the law. You are being called to account for your actions and will be judged accordingly. If you have acted in alignment with your Higher Self and for the greater good of others, you have nothing to worry about. However, if you haven’t, you will be called out and made to own up to your actions. If this has you shaking in your boots, know that the Justice card isn’t as black and white as you may think. A level of compassion and understanding accompany Justice, and although you may have done something you regret, this card suggests that you will be treated fairly and without bias. Be ready to take responsibility for your actions and stand accountable for the ensuing consequences.

12. Positive influences, friends or experiences: Six of Wands

The Six of Wands is such positive encouragement to believe in who you are and your accomplishments so far. Have faith in what you have personally achieved and how this will be received by others. Do not let fear or guilt stand in the way of your success. You ought to feel proud of what you have achieved and not afraid to hold your head up high and feel worthy of others’ attention.

13. Negative influences, enemies or experiences: Knight of Cups

When it comes to making decisions, the Knight of Cups is ruled by his emotions and his heart. When this card arrives in a Tarot reading, you are making decisions based on how you feel about a situation rather than what you think, even if others can’t make sense of what you are doing and why, and your intuition guides you in everything you do.

(which is interesting... because that’s the card I usually get as my representation...)

14. Conscious desires & thoughts: Six of Cups

(same as personality, attitude & opinions. Also Fate’s physical manifestation.)

15. Unconscious desires & thoughts: Seven of Cups

Often, the Seven of Cups can be a sign of wishful thinking and projecting into the future about what you would like to create, rather than taking action here in the present to make it happen.

16. Hopes: Temperance XIV

This card calls on you to remain calm, even when life feels stressful or frantic. Maintain an even temperament and manage your emotions. You have learned to keep composed in stressful situations.

17. Fears: Eight of Wands

This card is a sign to ‘strike while the iron is hot’. It is most definitely an action-oriented card that encourages you to move quickly to pursue the best opportunities available right now. There is no waiting around while the Eight of Wands is present so determine where your energy will be directed and get on with it!

Honestly? I feel like I already knew all of these. My guardian angel is one that wants peace, is very wishful in his thinking but doesn’t want to take action. He wants me to be creative and keep that childish hope alive but also there’s a possibility that knowing me is a bad experience for him(?). His origin seems to have something to do with Lady Fate, and it looks like originally they had the same desires/goals. His mental health seems to be “on halt” and I also noticed it lately, but his overall health is pretty good. He wants me/us to avoid justice, to not be put to curt... I can only imagine that it’s because I believe in “personal” deities, we’ve been worried for a while how other, stronger deities, would react to that... and now I know- he’s mentioned in both Fate’s and Luck’s fears- “connecting with my inner spirit” in Fate’s and mentioning his status in Luck’s.

My deities don’t get along. Great. -_-

Also my zodiac, palm, only crystal, and two deities are of fire energies...

Oh and I had to promise Luck that I’ll be productive tomorrow so that it’ll answer me... oh boy.

#tarot #journal #deity #witchblr

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a-queer-seminarian · 7 years

Video

youtube

I was happy to be part of this year's LPTS More Light (LGBT+) chapel service -- here's the reflection I gave on Mark 8:27-36! Our overall theme was letting go of the world’s views and embracing God’s views.

The sound quality of this video is horrendous -- not through any fault of the one who recorded it but because 1) my phone is old and 2) a horrific buzz always pervades the chapel and I tried to dampen it at the expense of further sound quality.

There is a special look of revulsion that people save for particularly unsavory, offensive things: the slug stepped on with a bare foot, the man convicted of astoundingly brutal crimes, the person who dares to be queer in public.

I have heard the same story, too many times, from too many transgender friends – whether it happens in a public bathroom, in the street, in church, at work

the look is the same: disgust.

Revolting, that’s what we are. We are breaking the rules, are flaunting…something, I’m not sure what, in public, and that makes us disgusting. Less than human.

I wonder if Jesus ever got that kind of look.

Probably not for the gender thing. Choosing to squeeze Their divinity into a human body, Jesus was assigned male at birth, and probably that was never questioned by anyone. He likely started growing facial hair in his teens. Probably wore “men’s” clothing.

But at the same time, he did break many rules of gender in his society – men were supposed to settle down, take a woman, have children who could pass on their name. As far as we know, Jesus did none of that – instead he left his human father’s profession behind and traipsed around the region saying dangerous things with twelve other men and a faithful train of women who were not related to him. Disgusting!

“Who do people say that I am?” Jesus asks his closest friends here in Mark, and so we discover that he was talked about, that people debated his identity, about who or what he was – probably without bothering to ask him about it.

and then, “…Who do you say that I am?” he asks those same friends. I’ve been in similar conversations. I know the whispers, and I know that vulnerability, that flicker of anxiety when you dare to ask people whose opinion matters intensely to you how they see you. Will they get it right? Do they really know you?

Peter responds, “the Messiah.” And we think that’s good, right? That he got it right….right?

Maybe he got the title right. But based on his reaction to Jesus’s next statement, he clearly had no real idea what being the Messiah meant to Jesus.

Jesus foretells suffering and death, so Peter takes Jesus aside and tries to set him straight. “This is what Messiah means, Jesus. So what you think is part of your future, your identity, can’t be right.” In a way, he’s saying, “I know you better than you know you.”

With priests, with friends, with people who claimed to know something of biology, I’ve had similar talks about my identity – “What you think about your gender can’t be right. I know how gender works, what God or science has planned for your gender, and it’s not what you think. I know you better than you know you.”

Jesus’s response to Peter’s lack of understanding is to gather a crowd and explain what it means to follow him: We must deny ourselves. We must take up our cross.

But he doesn’t explain just what that means, to deny ourselves, to take up a cross. I know what the world has told me it means – what they say it means for LGBT people in particular.

The world tells me these things — my gender, my love— are just my cross to bear – and to bury, that I need to suffer because somehow these things are sins, that’s right – my love, love! the pair of wings God fixed on my shoulders to help me fly to Them is actually a heavy weight, a sin, a sickness –

but God knows I have seen far too many of my people nail themselves to that cross, bleed out as you watched

to think for a moment that God is the one who placed that cross on our shoulders.

That’s not how crosses work! The Cross of Jesus, the one he urges us to take up, was fashioned by worldly hands, not Christ’s.

After all, his yoke is easy, his burden light.

The cross is a consequence of following Jesus, yes, but not something delighted in by him— to follow Jesus means to deny ourselves a certain safety, the easy life lived when we go along with the status quo, when we don’t challenge authority as Jesus did. When we take up our cross and become visible signs against oppression the world stops tolerating our existence. When we dare to follow Jesus – it’s the world that throws the cross over our backs.

God does not bid us suffer for suffering’s sake the way humans do when they tell us to stuff ourselves into boxes we were never made to fit, to bury our way of loving and relating to other people and bear a cross of shame and fear of hell on our shoulders every day, every minute, of our lives.

When we do this, when we accept what they say about our sexuality, our gender, it’s not ourselves we’re denying – it’s God’s call, God’s vision of us.

I can attest to this as one who tried it – who tried to carry my queerness like a burden and resisted when the Spirit tugged it from my shoulders and unrolled it at my feet to behold the beautiful vision, the gift, that it is.

I can attest to this as one who finally denied myself by redefining myself, not in the paradigm of the world with its rigid binaries and its distrust of difference but according to the call of the Spirit, the Spirit of abundant life, of overflowing love, of broken-down boundaries, of diversity!

When I followed that call, I did take up the cross— rejection followed just as it followed Christ, and grief at the pains of my siblings struggling beside me. I did take up the cross – not for suffering’s sake, and not for my own sake, but to share its load with every person this world tries to crucify.

…In Jesus, divinity kissed humanness and the two became one, and while I don’t claim my story is anything like that, like God’s,

I will declare that there is something queer in the identity of Jesus,

something that resonates in a unique way with queer people, with transgender people especially, and with all who are shoved to the margins by this world, whose God-given identities are crushed and not allowed to flower.

…So, will you take up this cross with me? It is not easy to stand up to the world in this way. You will die to the world in one way or another. But friends, truly, as Jesus says, what does it profit you to gain the whole world and forfeit your life?

We who follow Jesus must indeed take up the cross – so that the burden becomes a little lighter on our siblings’ shoulders. So that the world will see that we are ready to die to it, to be rejected and persecuted if that’s what it takes to help carry all its oppressed people into the vision of abundant life, of wholeness, painted by Christ with his life, his cross, his resurrection.

#mark 8 #transgender christians #queer christians #sermon #affirming churches #take up your cross #chapel #log #fall 2017 #more light service #more light presbyterians #lpts

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dpinoycosmonaut · 5 years

Text

BIGGER IN DEATH

by Bert A. Ramirez / February 02, 2020

The shocking, tragic passing of Kobe Bryant last January 26 in a helicopter crash that also killed his 13-year-old daughter Gianna and seven others generated an outpouring of grief, anguish, sympathy and pathos worldwide the likes of which might have never been seen before. Why, even my own daughter Tintin, previously so casual, if not apathetic, towards my love for basketball, suddenly became involved herself, posting even more material in the family chat group than I did.

Obviously, the way Kobe died along with his daughter and the rest of their companions had something to do with such a universal reaction. It was a case of being gone at a remarkably young age (41) that isn’t even approached by the death of another legend, pop music and entertainment icon Michael Jackson, as Kobe died in such a cruel manner while Jackson, whose own demise at 50 shocked the world in 2009, died of a natural cause, albeit induced by an external factor.

What made Bryant’s death oh-so-tragic is the fact that he was just about beginning a second act just after a remarkable career that made him a pop culture icon in the mold of Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Lionel Messi and Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal, to name just a few sports figures who have reached iconic stature in this age of the Internet.

“Kobe was a legend on the court and just getting started in what would have been just as meaningful a second act,” former US President Barack Obama, himself an avid basketball fan, said.

“To think that Kobe was at the peak of his life, retired from basketball but capable of taking care of his family and doing charitable works with all the resources he had, is something anyone cannot comprehend with this tragic life ending,” my own brother Tony, a passionate basketball fan like me, told our Celtics chat group.

“Oh man. This is just so sad!” Ryan Mercado of the same Celtics chat group exclaimed. “Kobe is not only a loss to basketball but he was an icon, an ambassador and a humanitarian as well.”

“A true legend in the game of basketball and an inspiration to the world,” baseball great Barry Bonds tweeted of his friend as he mourned his passing and that of his young girl.

“I guess sports fans all over the world are devastated by the tragic loss of a transcendent figure and his daughter,” my own kumpare and fellow roundball enthusiast Erick Reyes said. “Kobe always played the old-fashioned way. He didn't demand for (star) teammates. He always believed that he could carry the team by being a good role model. He played injured, didn't go for load management. He didn't bring his talent elsewhere and could have won many more championships. Instead, in the tradition of the greats like Jerry West, Elgin Baylor, and others who wore that purple-and-gold uniform, Kobe stayed with the Lakers until he retired.

“I was in Negros when Kobe played his final game in the NBA. I watched the game while having lunch and I thought this was one of the emotional farewell games. Instead, we were treated to a feast. He scored 60 points and led the Lakers to a 101-96 victory over the Utah Jazz. That is Kobe for you. He wanted the ball till the end.”

Indeed, what made Kobe Bryant different from his peers was the way he approached his commitment to his sport and his profession, spawning what eventually became known as “mamba mentality” (in reference to his nickname “Black Mamba”), a kind of work ethic and passion that simply prescribes how one should approach an endeavor in order to be successful.

“There was nothing inauthentic about Bryant’s intensity,” Bryan Armen Graham of The Guardian wrote in explaining Kobe’s commitment and approach to his job as a pro athlete. “He was probably the hardest worker in sports. Often it is supporting players who are praised for getting the very most out of their talent, but Bryant was an example of a supremely gifted athlete hell-bent on squeezing every last drop from his natural gifts, propelled by a maniacal competitive streak that wouldn’t have been out of place on Wall Street in the ‘80s and often led to flare-ups with cooler-tempered teammates, most infamously with Shaq (O’Neal).

“He appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated no fewer than 20 times (when such appearances still mattered) and became one of the rare sporting figures to genuinely transcend the sports pages in the US and become a household name. His international popularity may have even exceeded his standing at home as he became a crucial figure in elevating the sport’s global profile. Michael Phelps may have won a record eight gold medals at the (2008) Beijing Olympics, but Kobe was the star of those Games on the ground.”

Kobe had game, all right, but this goes far more than his basketball stature. He was viewed as an inspirational figure who after his retirement became one of the greatest ambassadors of the game, if he still wasn’t one as an active professional. As Kobe himself remarked, “The most important thing is to try and inspire people so that they can be great at whatever they want to do.”

This is why even the staunchest Celtics fans like me cried (secretly of course) when I learned about Kobe’s and his companions’ tragic death. Bryant, I told a friend who had met him personally in his basketball academy in Los Angeles, was one of my most hated rivals because of my lifelong affinity with the Celtics, but the tragedy that befell him and the rest of his companions that included his daughter Gigi knows no bounds. We're all human, after all, and thus we cry with their followers and loved ones.

As a member of Facebook page Celtics Nation said, “As Celtics fans we are taught one thing, hate the Lakers. But this is bigger than basketball. He was a husband, a father and an icon. Loved by millions around the world. The impact he made will never be matched.”

Kobe Bryant’s persona that had gained worldwide fame because of modern technology has no doubt also contributed to the worldwide impact of his passing. Many who had the privilege of having had personal encounters with him, from avowed Lakers fan and sports broadcaster Jinno Rufino to that friend of mine who used to work at the now-defunct RPN 9, Babette Pascual-Yllana, are all unanimous in saying that Bryant was a gentle human being, a humble and gentlemanly character who belied that sporting image of an arrogant competitor who had that undeniable swagger and confidence.

“When I met him, there was not a tinge of yabang. Very accommodating,” Babette said. “During those times he was already planning for his retirement, that’s why he put up the Kobe Bryant Basketball Academy and, later, the Mamba Sports Academy. At that time, he was already working on the legacy that he would leave behind.

“He was a gentleman, it stood out. Maybe perhaps he was raised in italy? I noticed that in my travels, mas well-mannered sila kaysa Americans. (Kobe, of course, partly grew up in Italy as his father, former NBA frontliner Joe “Jellybean” Bryant, played for a while in the Italian League, one of the top professional leagues in Europe.) Even if they (the Italians) also have superiority complex, di sila entitled kung umasta. You could see it in Kobe then that he had a good heart.”

Of course, that good heart knew no bounds when Kobe needed to mentor or to simply encourage fellow basketball players young and old alike when they needed some words of wisdom or encouragement, like what Kobe did to current and former Celtics Jayson Tatum, Gordon Hayward and Isaiah Thomas. Bryant was one of the first to advise Hayward on what attitude to take when the then-first-year Celtic suffered that horrific ankle injury in 2017.

Perhaps what also made people relate more with Bryant was the fact that they could identify with him despite his superstar image because of his own frailties and weaknesses, which he never hid from the public but eventually overcame with that single-minded purpose and determination for which he became noted. In 2003, for example, he was accused of raping a woman in his hotel room while he was in Denver for knee surgery. While admitting having sex with the woman, he denied rape, and a judge eventually dropped the charges, although he had to eventually settle out of court when the woman went on to file a civil lawsuit.

While issuing a public apology, stating that he was sincerely ashamed of what he had done, Bryant had to go through a turbulent phase in his life that culminated with wife Vanessa filing for a divorce in 2011. Eventually though, the two reconciled, with Kobe turning to his Catholic faith and upbringing to overcome his personal crisis. Kobe and Vanessa later founded the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant Family Foundation that is dedicated to, among other things, helping young people in need, encouraging the development of physical and social skills through sports, and assisting the homeless.

Asked about this commitment in 2013, Bryant said, “My career is winding down. At the end of my career, I don’t want to look back and just say, ‘Well, I had a successful career because I won so many championships and scored so many points.’ There’s something else that you have to do with that. (The homelessness) issue is one that kind of gets pushed on the back burner because it’s easy to point the blame at those who are homeless and say, ‘Well, you made that bad decision. This is where you are. It’s your fault.’ In life, we all make mistakes and to stand back and allow someone to live that way and kind of wash your hands of it… that’s not right.”

Is it still surprising why Bryant achieved that iconic status of his?

“An icon is the perfect word for him. His impact was far more than basketball. Unbelievable,” Brandon Goldberg of Celtics Nation said.

“Kobe was an icon and a legend. He was always driven and committed to his goals. A man with vision,” said my own sister in the US, Kitchie Beltran, not especially a staunch sports fan like another younger sister, Lourdes Beltran is (they’re married to brothers, thus the similar surnames), but who knew Kobe through the extent his stature reached. “The impact of his death was felt by almost everyone. They say that the people’s reaction to Kobe’s passing could be compared to the way the world reacted to the death of JFK (former US President John Kennedy) and the loss of Princess Diana.”

That’s true, of course. And that's also due in part to the available technology nowadays, which really brings more intimacy to a worldwide public, providing infinitely more people much closer knowledge about a celebrity or icon, particularly a great basketball star like Kobe whose game has become a global sport much like football. And this is why the impact of Kobe's death is felt more not only because of the circumstances of his death, but also because basketball is now in the world's cultural mainstream due to the technology available.

Even then, all those factors wouldn’t have made a difference in making Kobe Bryant even bigger in death than he was in life perhaps without the element that counts most of all – his character and greatness as a human being. That element transcended race, sports and cultural boundaries for him to be universally mourned.

As my favorite golfer of all time, Jack Nicklaus, said, “Kobe Bryant embodied excellence. Legendary talent; inspirational athlete; great role model; American icon loved globally. Sports lost a tremendous friend but (you) don’t have to be (a) sports fan for your heart to hurt. Just have to be human!”

“You inspired a generation,” my brother Raul’s inaanak Angel Espejo de Llana said in his own obituary for Kobe. “You were the example of hard work and determination. You will always be remembered as an inspiration and a hero.”

“Kobe was truly larger than life, a legend,” Hollywood star Leonardo DiCaprio tweeted. “LA will never be the same.”

Perhaps Bill Velasco, in his eloquent tribute to Bryant in The Philippine Star, put it best when he wrote, “I believe that the deepest, core reason why Kobe Bryant stirred us so is that he took us to places inside us that very few of us dared to go… It was his fearlessness to look within, to face his weaknesses, to pile onto his strengths, to refuse to recognize limits, that is what we mourn… Kobe Bryant ventured alone into the realm of what is possible more deeply than most of us ever will… He showed us the light that leads inside of us, and faced his own demons and flaws to prove that it could be done.”

Rest in peace, Kobe. Yours was a life that was short by human standards, but it was a life well-lived, and a life that gave joy to millions of people.

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