#especially if this has happened MORE THAN ONCE

[theminecraftbee]

Doc's about four beers in by now. It's just enough to loosen his lips, especially with Etho eating most of the pretzels so Doc can't eat them. Compared to almost any other hermit under these circumstances, Doc seems barely tipsy at most, but, well, it's not like Beef needs him drunk to vent his latest frustrations at the world, he just needs him tipsy enough not to notice he's talking.

"--and I just don't understand why people are so surprised, man. You--you all have teased me too much to be surprised!" Doc is saying. "Ren laughed at me. Laughed!"

He also, for the record, seems to need to complain about... apparently his husband? Which is new. Beef had been surprised. He's not going to say so, yet, because this is Doc's very belated NHO bachelor party--can they call it that when it's more "sitting around a TV drinking, eating snacks, and not doing anything because they're all too old to be partying", and when Doc is very clearly not a bachelor?--and that would be rude.

"That dog," Bdubs says loyally. "I can kill him for you. I'm the judge so I wouldn't get arrested and I'd make sure you get all his money as a widow."

"No, you can't kill him, man, I still need him for tax benefits!"

"What taxes?" Etho asks, sounding vaguely panicked.

Everyone stops to consider this.

"Beneficial ones," Doc finally says.

"I don't think that's what--I think you're misunderstanding your English again," Beef says.

"No, I'm always right," Doc says.

They sit in companionable silence for a few moments. Someone shouts on TV. The show is in Swedish. Beef has no idea what's happening. He's honestly just kind of waiting for someone else to notice.

"It's just. I don't get it, man! Why are you all acting so surprised I called Ren my husband? You! You all know me!" Doc says, somewhere between accusing and despairing, and hm, maybe these beers were higher alcohol content than normal, if he's already on despairing? "Ren and I have been--after season eight, making it official, it is only a natural thing, yes? But we had--he's asked to have my puppies. You've heard him say our babies would be beautiful."

"That dog," Bdubs says loyally again, this time in a much more suggestive tone.

"More than once," mutters Etho.

"It's not--I mean, we all knew you and Ren were... how do I put this?" Beef says. "It's not surprising that you two are. Er. Help me out here."

"Boning," Etho says.

"EXCUSE YOU?" Bdubs says, scandalized.

"Yeah. Boning," Beef says. "Doing the horizontal tango. Probably some vertical ones too. I mean, you're definitely into some things--"

"Fighting dragons," Etho dryly adds.

"THAT WAS STILL GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE," Bdubs shouts, apparently over being scandalized and moving straight to offense.

"Two seasons later? Man, you just wanted to wring as much alimony out of me as possible," Doc says immediately.

"And? I'm a judge now, I know these things."

"My point," Beef says, before they can start arguing again, or before Etho can point out that they hadn't ever really been married to get divorced in the first place. "My point. We, uh, all knew you two had a thing. It's just, uh, marriage is... different! It's different, and--"

"You didn't INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING!" Etho says, finally unable to hold it in. "Whyyyyyyyyy? Doc, I thought we were friends! I thought we were friends, Doc! I wanted to go to the wedding!"

"It, it was a little thing," Doc says. "A common law marriage as much as--"

"Hey, wait, why didn't I officiate it, huh?" Bdubs says.

"That's not fair, you can't be mad at me for not inviting you to the wedding, the moon had just exploded!" Doc says.

"It had?" Etho says.

"Yeah, well, I exploded too and I still would have shown up," Bdubs says.

"I don't remember an explosion?" Beef says.

"Wait, the moon did something?" Etho says.

"Focus," Beef says. "Look. Doc. Also, love you man, but I always figured that if anyone was going to propose, it was going to be Ren."

Doc scoffs. "Clearly you don't know my husband, then."

Everyone waits for him to elaborate. Ren, after all, is the one known for dramatic emotional appeals. While Doc is equally dramatic--that's why Beef is throwing a bachelor party for the great fit as opposed to off showing him that Big Salmon can still show someone how to sleep with fishes--he's not exactly great at emotions. Surely, he will elaborate on why Ren would never be the one to propose between the two of them.

He doesn't.

"Anyway, I think it's been obvious for, for years, and you all are morons, and--why is the TV in Swedish?"

"THANK YOU!" Bdubs says. "I thought it would be rude to point out."

"Oh, I like it, though," Etho says as Doc changes the channel to a home improvement show. Yeah, sure. Fits the vibes of this bachelor party as much as anything else. Beef grabs another beer. He pauses.

"Wait, you said a common law marriage. That means you haven't actually had a wedding yet, right?"

"Not really," Doc says.

Beef considers being reasonable, and then he lets it go.

"Dibs on planning it," he says.

"WHAT?" Bdubs says, rounding on Beef.

"I--hey, I didn't agree to this!" Doc says, as Beef begins negotiations with Bdubs. Etho laughs, louder than he normally does, and throws an arm around Doc.

"Let it happen, man. Let it happen."

It's a good party, and a good night.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

We Are and the evolution of Thai BL tropes

The QL discord started a rewatch of My Engineer a few weeks ago, and damn, has it been an interesting experience. At the time I originally watched My Engineer, there was little that stuck out to me, because so much of what happened felt so incredibly common in a lot of the (admittedly rather limited) number of BLs being produced. It felt like pretty standard fare.

But going back and watching it in juxtaposition with We Are airing has been so fascinating. This genre has been evolving, y'all.

As much as we all joke about always getting more university BLs, there is something to be said for a format that can be used as something of a metric for the genre. And though there's only four years between My Engineer and We Are, seeing them both at once gives me such an incredible appreciation for the direction the genre is going in, the impact of having more queer voices involved in the creation of QLs, and how there's a lot of good we can find in seemingly simple spaces.

Obligatory disclaimer: This is just my perspective and subjective interpretation of what I have seen as a BL viewer of some time; also I don't have time to go in and do a university deep dive, so this isn't a real analysis, but more of a brief writeup of observations.

Trends are not black and white, of course, there is a spectrum. I'm sure we'll suffer through more Dinosaur Loves. At the same time, having such predominant production companies as GMMTV putting effort into hiring queer creatives and subverting old cliche tropes is an encouraging thing. (Especially as they were the creators of the original university trendsetting BL with Sotus).

Note: For newer QL viewers, I highly recommend @absolutebl for brushing up on trope history. For university BLs in particular, this post and this post are great starting primers.

Let's talk tropes!

Ok, one more note - some tropes are being what I would consider subverted, some more adapted to a newer framework, and some just played with - I'm going to talk about how they appear to me, but I'm not going to be super pedantic over it, because this is just for fun.

Trope: Bullying/hazing behavior

This did not age well in My Engineer, and I would guess hasn't aged well in a number of BLs (and other media, because the whole "he's mean to you because he likes you" bullshit has been around forever). Not just because the behavior was shitty, but because it was played off in the script as cute, and implied that it was completely justified for the seme to do whatever he wanted in his pursuit of his uke.

(There was also quite a strong tone of internalized homophobia, with the lead feeling more comfortable in expressing his interest through harassment than honest emotion, but the show never actually engaged with that in any meaningful way.)

We Are sets up a very traditional enemies to lovers/bullying start to the story, with Phum taking advantage of Peem's economic situation to make him his "slave".

And yet... there's some important elements here that make this more than the standard use of the trope.

Phum keeps it pretty light in his bullying behavior, and clearly is using it more to keep Peem around as company, versus the kind of bullying in My Engineer, where Duen is literally hit by a car, and yet still expected to keep jumping to Bohn's whims.

As soon as Phum realizes he really upset Peem by leaving him waiting at the mall, he genuinely feels awful about it. It's clear that his intent is not to cause harm, and that he has a conscience. He wrestles with his feelings on it quite a bit, and it ends up being the thing that gets Phum to finally express an honest emotion with Peem.

And most importantly, the script does not let him off the hook. His behavior is bad, and is identified as such by the writing. Peem pushes back and is shown to be right to do so, Beer openly says he disapproves.

So instead of a cliche story beat that's used just to start the action, or a seme who's allowed to do whatever he wants because "passion" (blech), we're seeing it used for characterization, giving us important beats about who both Phum and Peem are in how they engage with each other through the use of the trope.

Trope: Obsessive/jealous behavior

Oh, this one was painful in My Engineer. Duen couldn't even talk to another human being without Bohn getting jealous and angry and dragging him away.

Phum gets jealous, particularly around Kluen, but what makes it feel so subversive here are two key things.

Phum's jealousy has a purpose here, it's not just for drama's sake. It's not the cliche seme doing whatever he wants and being treated as justified. It's deliberately being used to explore his insecurities, and give him a challenge to overcome. Phum doesn't stomp over and drag Peem away, he retreats, he hides. When his jealousy causes him to lash out at Peem, he is immediately aware he fucked up.

And again, the script is making it clear that this behavior is not ok. Peem chides Phum when he acts unkind to Kluen, and Beer makes it clear that the solution is not petty behavior, but actually figuring out a way to communicate his feelings with Peem before he misses his chance. This is portrayed as a barrier for Phum to overcome in order to be with Peem, not an expected part of a romantic relationship.

Trope: Friendship group

There are not enough words to express how much I love the friendship group in We Are. To be fair, this is one of the better historical tropes. We've gotten a lot of amazing friend groups, even in mediocre BLs.

But it's still different in We Are, for one simple reason. In most university BLs, the friend group is a supporting structure. But here?

The story lines may be about the romance, but the point of We Are is the friendship.

I will die on this hill, y'all.

I don't have enough time to go into it fully here, but this show is a love letter to friends. It's a tribute to finding the people who see the real you and have your back unconditionally. Who cheer your successes and commiserate over your defeats, who pick you up when the world knocks you down, who call you out when you make mistakes, and push you to be better.

And romance is lovely, but all of these budding relationships are about being friends first, and then lovers, because that friendship is just as important as everything else, if not more.

Trope: Pink milk

Lol, ok, kinda kidding, kinda not. I know we all got mad over the drink wastage, but also check out these visuals - it's about diversity baby!!

TanFang speed round

My two little trope-busting bebes. These two are already so beautifully non-traditional in their composition, but I love how frequently they are used to make fun of and play with tropes just on their own.

Introduced as pining crush/friend's older brother pair, but actually secret enemies to lovers.

Grumpy/sunshine pairing, where the sunshine used to be a fighter, and grumpy smiles when he thinks no one is watching.

Wound-tending where they keep poking each other instead of acting soft.

Openly mocking the jealous boyfriend trope.

Setting up the possessive trope when Tan doesn't pick up Fang's calls, only to immediately have Fang question if he's being unreasonable.

Setting up their own cute eating scene for kicks.

"First time" sex scene making it clear this is anything but their first time.

Tan holding Fang down in the cliche possessive pose, only for Fang to take the agency of kissing Tan. (And overall saying eff off at the cliche top/bottom roles old BLs were such a fan of).

In Summary

I'm sure there are more tropes that will come to me, and we do still have 5 episodes left of We Are, so there are some potential trope uses that I am keeping an eye on. This is by no means an all-inclusive list.

But I wanted to write this, because I was genuinely shocked to realize how different my My Engineer watching experience was this time compared to my first time. How over the last few years I'd come to expect more thoughtfulness in my QL media, even in the ones that seem shallow on the surface.

Considering how fast and furious the QLs are coming these days, it's easy to forget how recent it was that we were much more starved of content. And I think sometimes we forget to take in the big picture, of how far we've come in just a few years.

Critique is always going to be important, of course, it's part of what helps us make progress. At the same time, it doesn't hurt to take a moment to look around and see some good in where we are.

@sailorbryant thanks for the push to get this written! Feel free to add thoughts!

[toxycodone]

bestie…. I want to bite on Chilchucks big fucking ears

Oh this is…..nice

Trips in the dungeon have to be not only exhausting, but incredibly frustrating. Especially for Chilchuck. He’s a man in his prime. Sleeping just a few feet away from all this party members doesn’t exactly give him the freedom to rub one out when he needs to.

So, in an attempt to ignore his frustrations, Chil closes his eyes and just focuses on the sounds around him. Of course, there’s the ambient sounds of the dungeon that echo the halls. The sounds of his party members snoring (especially Marcille, as much as she denies it). And—

Wait. What’s that…?

Chilchuck hears your sheets shift a tad. He knows it’s you, it’s coming from the direction you set your bedroll in compared to his. He wonders if you’re just moving around in your sleep, or maybe just having difficulty sleeping. If it’s the latter, he can relate.

Another shift. Then hear hears your legs move a tad. He almost feels bad for you, encouraged to send a whisper your way before…

A moan?

It doesn’t take him long to figure out what’s going on. You’re horny and young. He can understand. But, Gods…he knows you’re trying to be quiet…but his keen sense of hearing hones in on your soft moans and gentle movements.

Chilchuck feels himself start to get hard through his night clothes. He mentally curses himself. This shouldn’t be happening. He should pretend to wake up and leave the room for a while (maybe using his waterskin or need to piss as an excuse) to let you finish in semi-privacy. He definitely shouldn’t let his hand reach between his legs and palm himself though his shorts. That’s inappropriate behavior, definitely against his suggestions for not getting too involved with members. He just happens to be…uh, readjusting…

He hears you breath out his name. He thinks he heard wrong at first, or maybe his ears just tricked him into hearing what he wanted. But then he hears it again, and again…

And Chilchuck starts going at it. All caution out the window as he rubs himself. It’s awkward and frustrating since he still has to pretend he’s asleep, but it’s something. Much more action than he’s had in a while since this dungeon crawl started.

He tries to match the rhythms he hears from you as your hands move, timing it just right with each rise and fall of the thin sheet of your bedroll. His mind lingers as he starts to imagine, what if he was over there? Would you be embarrassed, or are you too horny to care? Would you let him fuck you then and there? Both of you all trying so hard to stifle your moans as he strategically thrusts into you. He can’t imagine he could stay quiet. He bets your tight. Warm. He’s caught a glimpse of your ass once before you stepped in the hot spring on a separate mission. He still wonders if you did that on purpose…

And before long the pent up feelings he’s had for come rushing out, mentally and physically. Chilchuck tries to keep himself quiet and furrows his brows. A stifled breath escapes his lips as he squeezes his eyes shut. And as he comes down from his high, he thanks the Gods he’s able to hear you finish as well. You still squeak a little, even when you’re trying to be quiet. He’s sure to make note of that…

And as he starts to fall asleep…a few hushed words jolt him right awake.

“Goodnight, Chil.”

[bonny-kookoo]

Can we maybe see Snowball Princess reacting to Jin coming back?

Warning for angst, idk why it got angsty

You've never been very good with time.

Even when you were younger, you've always struggled with telling how much time has or will pass. It never got better the older you got- and especially nowadays, you've kind of given up on trying to learn such a skill altogether.

You didn't have to.

Yoongi took care of you- most of the time. When he had to go to his own basic training, you had to stay alone with staff- and that period of time was enough to.. change you, as the producer and rapper notices quite quickly.

You've become.. calmer. Quieter.

In order not to unnerve any of the other members, Yoongi had kept that to himself however- not quite thinking that one trough, since Seokjin’s discharge was still so far away. To him, this change has become the norm by now. He doesn't notice it any longer.

But now, Jin is back. And of course- he wants to see you.

He can't help but smile as he enters his apartment- it's obvious that you've been occupying it occasionally, blankets and pillows and other little items he doesn't remember being there. It's nice to see that you took everyone's invitation and advice to seek out their homes whenever you'd miss any of them- but what he's now curious of, is where are you right now?

Jin worried this would happen at some point with him gone.

He's been one of the people to always manage things so that you'd never feel like a spectator, always trying to include you to make you feel like an important part even if you had to be away from them here and there. But with him gone, these habits must've been neglected- because he can't get a hold of you now.

Yoongi informs him that you're at his place- but that reassurance doesn't last long, because he notices that once he enters the producer's apartment, you're sleeping.

It's not at all your usual routine.

"She.. now that you mention it, she has been sleeping a lot more these days." Yoongi notes, most likely not having noticed this change much since he continued to be close to you the entire time the other members were gone.

But to Jin, who hadn't had that luxury of visiting you often due to both company restrictions and time, the change to him is..

more than drastic.

He wakes you up with a hand on your shoulder, and once you do spot him and realize that he's back, your tail instantly begins to wag. But you don't tackle him down like you would've done before his enlistment period- you instead hug him tightly, simply wanting to be held for the moment.

"You're still sleeping, basically." He teases, though he can't hide his slight concern over it. "Let's have breakfast tomorrow, yeah?" He asks, and you shake your head at that, continuing to cling to him. "Hey- I'll be back tomorrow morning, promise!" He says, but you stubbornly shake your head. "Well, I guess I'll steal her for the night?" He laughs into Yoongis direction, who simply nods and smiles.

And while Seokjin still worries about the change in you, and what that might mean, tonight, he finally sleeps at home, with you close.

Just how it's supposed to be.

[avelera]

I’m dying for your thoughts on what is going on in Dubai with the triangulation of Armand and Daniel in Dubai because nothing in 2.05 explain ms what they(beddeath vampires) could want him to tell them as referenced earlier in the season or warrant all the Rashid pageantry. Especially not with how Armand looks at Daniel like he just got home from the wars.

Your takes are exquisite and I’d love to hear them.

Ok, I THINK you're asking what the hell is going on with Daniel and Armand and Louis and the longing looks Armand keeps shooting Daniel and I might be missing some nuance to your question but that is the question I'm gonna answer because I can't stop thinking about it.

Ok. Ok, ok, SO!! The biggest question I think we're facing as of 2.05 is did the Devil's Minion chapter of Queen of the Damned ever happen?

For the uninitiated (LOTS of BOOK SPOILERS but like the books have been out for decades, sorry): Louis/Armand is like... not a thing. At least, it's not one of the big love affairs of the series compared to Louis/Lestat. I mean they've had a situationship but they're definitely not a long devoted love affair going right up to the beginning of the events of Vampire Lestat/Queen of the Damned, which is where the show seems to take place. They traveled together for a bit after the events of Interview with the Vampire but then parted ways because What Happened In Paris changed Louis irrevocably.

The big love of Armand's life in the books is Daniel.

And we learn this in the chapter of Queen of the Damned called the Devil's Minion.

Because Armand stumbles upon "The Interviewer" and falls in love and they have this fucked up whirlwind torrid romance where Daniel teaches Armand about the modern world and basically "how to be fascinating" and Daniel begs over and over to be made into a vampire.

Lots of stuff happens between them but short, TRAGIC version is that Armand does make Daniel into a vampire and it breaks Daniel's mind. He's not a cool powerful vampire once he's turned, he's basically a vegetable, he loses his mind and becomes a hollow husk of himself. (Ironically, insane-new-vampire!Daniel is left in the care of Marius of all people lol)

SO, from the book reader perspective, I shot upright on my couch when I saw old Daniel. Because Old Daniel means we're in... some flavor of happy AU? We're in an AU where Armand did the "responsible" thing and didn't give Daniel the Dark Gift, so Daniel got to grow old and actually be a person instead of being the Devil's Minion where Armand became his whole personality and then he lost his mind.

Thing is, since S1, I've been assuming, like others I think, that we're in an AU where the Devil's Minion didn't happen at all. That Daniel did the interview, he and Louis parted ways, and now he's back to finish it. It seemed neat, clear, if a little confusing for book fans because Daniel/Armand is one of THE great love affairs and it seems like it just got skipped entirely, which kind of makes sense since no other film version has really delved into it, right?

WRONG. OK, so with the longing looks that begin RIGHT when Armand finally reveals himself, the whole mic drop moment of "Armand, the love of my life" while Armand stares at Daniel, almost seeming to plead with his eyes "GET ME AWAY FROM HIM" and looking at Daniel with such longing, going into SEASON 2 where we learn that ok, the 1970s beat was WAY more complicated than it seems, Louis' memory is very faulty, Armand has actively tampered with both of them and we DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH....?

So my current theory is: the Devil's Minion DID happen.

Armand and Daniel had their love affair, but instead of turning Daniel, which by the way he had to be talked into doing because of Daniel's suicide attempt basically, Armand set him free. But CLEARLY he continued to stalk and pine after Daniel, if he was there at Daniel's fucking engagement reading his girlfriend's mind enough to tell Daniel what she was really thinking then. Armand was definitely still OBSESSIVELY IN LOVE. And, IMO, has been the whole time.

Now, what does this mean going forward? What do I think is going on?

Armand wants out of his relationship with Louis but he's chronically, pathologically, incapable of breaking up with anyone. He used Lestat to break up the Children of Darkness, he used Louis to break up the Theatre des Vampires, and now he's using Daniel to end this fucked up marriage he and Louis are in.

Armand is doing this first by consenting to renew the interview, Louis gets a walk down memory lane, remembers how much he loves Lestat. Not to solidify their bond with how good things are now, but to break it up with nostalgia.

Armand is also going to reveal things he's hidden from Louis, I think. Like the fact Armand killed Claudia. I think right now they're both operating under the excuse that Santiago and the coven did it in defiance of Armand but that is simply not true, Armand ordered her death to get Louis all to himself. But (book canon) her death broke Louis so basically Armand destroyed what he wanted in Louis in the gaining of him.

Armand also misses Daniel. He's doing the classic passive lover thing, using the next lover to get rid of the current one. That's why he picked Daniel specifically as the vehicle of his liberation. Boy wants to get white knighted in the most fucked up way possible. Evidence: every single painfully longing, puppy dog look he shoots Daniel's way and how those looks only get more intense the more Louis waxes poetic about how great the Loumand relationship is.

Armand appears as Rashid in order to establish for plausible deniability for Louis that he DIDN'T have a relationship with Daniel OR, if Louis knows about it, that he really did do as promised and wiped Daniel's mind. Look, Daniel doesn't even remember him! When he's standing right there! Pretending to be Rashid! He definitely didn't summon his former lover here to break up Louis and him, obviously this is JUST about Louis' desire to do the interview haha, definitely not trying to bring his old ex to break up his current relationship the guy doesn't even remember who he is.

In conclusion: Armand still wants to fuck that boy old man. And he wants to get rid of Louis by making Louis break up with him because that's how Armand rolls. And that's why this whole ridiculous pantomime is happening, because Armand will never, ever be the active party in the breakup because the boy is way, way too fucked up by his supremely fucked up life up to this point to ever be the initiator. Instead he will always, always manipulate those around him to do what he wants.

[uranometrias]

wait for your love, spencer reid (pt. 2)

this is the second part to this. tysm for all the love on the first part, as well as all the new follows. this literally took so long, and i'm literally so sorry. i suck, but i hope you all enjoy it nonetheless. xx

you can read the alternate version for jj right here.

pairing: aaron hotchner x bau! reader | spencer reid x bau! reader | s7 team x bau! reader (platonic)

summary: following the dismissal of the case against the bureau, you're trying to get back into the swing of things. that moment of realization that comes with discovering the love you feel for someone else isn't reciprocates is never fun. but it's a truth you're meant to accept nonetheless, with a bit of help from your dearest friend spencer, you find that through a conversation about the realities of music and their hidden messages getting the courage to move on is not quite as difficult as you might have initially thought. especially when there's someone like spencer reid waiting on the other side. except of course, things always get difficult when it seems now as you're moving on, the past object of your desires is believed to feel the same way you always have.

content warnings: this is the sequel to angst lol. it's still very kind of angsty, but not as bad! it doesn't exactly end with spence/reader running off into the distance together, but i think it has a very bittersweet & sort of hopeful ending, which i felt made the most sense for a storyline like this. sometimes people have feelings for people that don't like them back, and sometimes it's just something we have to deal with.. sad but true. && i didn't want spence to seem like a rebound for reader, so i tried to go the route of her slowly putting the pieces together that maybe spence had romantic feelings for her && going from there. still spencer somewhat confesses his feelings for reader, hints that hotch might actually like reader, jj/reader reconciliation, because it needed to happen soz! she might have feelings for y/n too idk... she's kinda pulling everybody. this feels kinda melodramatic, but also idk i want epic romance vibes so i tried my best xx

i also love how hotch was such a focal part of this story and never physically showed up once... hmm.

tagged the people that asked for part 2 xx

@stvrlitsky , @cocopuff213 , @aaronhotchnerlover , @ofagathachristies , @blurpleuni-squid , @wolf-phoenix-lover , @babyspiderling , @queermaxwooo , @jihyowrrld , @minkyungseokie , @silentjudger , @btskzfav , @barbeddreams , @ah-blossom , @darker-december

It had been about a week since the court proceedings, you'd been more than a little surprised to find that you all managed to walk away scot free. You still hadn't managed to work up the courage to place your resignation papers on Hotch's desk, probably because you still hadn't gotten up the strength to face him or anyone else for that matter. You weren't outwardly abrasive, you'd offer small nods of greeting when you showed up in the morning, waves as you left.

But everyone knew that it wasn't the same.

Penelope had been trying to get you out for a night of bonding with her, Emily, and JJ, and you'd been keen on turning her down. You don't think you were quite there yet, the wound however surface level was still fresh. Looking at Emily, only reminded you of your grief, how much you had missed her. Looking at JJ only reminded you of how she hadn't had the courage necessary to tell you the truth. You'd tried to take their positions into account, look at things through a different view, but it hardly worked. You just wanted to be left alone.

Spencer was still the only one privy to the thoughts you had about ending your career at the FBI, and everyday he seemed to be holding his breath. It had become a habit to catch him staring at you with his face pinched up like he was deep in thought. It was partially why, even as your eyes skimmed over a file, you knew that he was looking in your direction. "Spence." you mutter quietly, eyes not quite meeting his as you highlighted something of importance in blue.

He sits at attention, back straight, eyes wide. He looked like a puppy that'd been caught doing something bad and was waiting for punishment. "You're doing it again." you exhale, and then you finally manage to peel your eyes from your work, eyebrow raising as you take him in tiredly. "Do you need something?" and he bares down on his bottom lip, almost as if he was thinking over his next move. He stands tall, grabbing hold of his chair and tugging it until it was planted on the other side of yours, before he sat down politely.

"Are you okay?" he's talking quietly, likely to salvage a bit of your privacy. You'd become a bit of a walking attraction in the bullpen, everyone seemed to follow every one of your actions with their eyes. You tap your highlighter against your desk, head tipping to the side as you scrutinize the man. You didn't know exactly what was going on with Spencer, but you had a small inkling, it was nothing more than an internal feeling if you were completely honest about it.

Your sister had been asking about him quite constantly lately, and after learning that day in the courtroom that for some odd reason the duo spoke over the phone, it made you pay a bit more attention to the certified genius than before. "I'm fine, Spencer. Just like I was when you asked me yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that." you keep your tone light, not wanting him to think that you were by any means annoyed with him. "What's going on?"

"I guess I keep waiting for you to disappear." he admits, head nodding involuntarily. "You're here right now, and you look fine." he continues, and you like listening to him, even if he was breaking one of the rules, and choosing to profile you. "So shouldn't things feel different? Better at least, like before?" he asks, and you don't expect that. Maybe he wasn't profiling you at all, and instead was expressing himself to a friend. "At least a little bit?" he asks, and you think it over.

"I don't think it'll ever be like before, Spence." and you hate to be the Betty Buzzkill, but it's as true as you can be. "How can it?" and Spencer's eyes jump across the room, landing on Emily who was not so subtly watching the two of you speak. You follow his gaze, and blink harshly when Emily's eyes connect with your own. It forces you to look right back at Spencer. He looks pensive, and you wonder how long he's been working up the courage to say more than 'Are you alright?'

"She was dead... and now suddenly she's not. That's great, but I grieved my friend, and maybe I'm not done grieving the Emily I knew before." and it's the first time you're admitting this aloud. "Our Emily, not the- Interpol Superspy." and you huff. "And look, I know I should be grateful, how many people get back the people they love after death?" and Spencer doesn't answer. "But is she really back? Is she really still our Emily? And how long before she's ready to pack up her stuff and take off? I'm not opening myself up to that again."

Spencer thinks your point is valid, he at one point had insisted that he had the worse abandonment issues on the team, but you had been right there through most of it. You were, in your own way protecting yourself from being hurt again. He couldn't fault you for that, none of them should. "I understand." and truthfully he does, and he's glad that at least you trust him enough to be upfront about it. "There's nothing wrong with shielding yourself from heartache, I just don't want you to close off completely... not from all of us."

You falter, and Spencer hates that he can't just say that he doesn't want you to close off from him. He didn't want this situation to change the way you behaved with him, he couldn't handle losing you.

"I won't." you promise. "And I won't do anything to jeopardize what we do here, I've got enough self control to be civil." you add with a small smile. "I haven't quite decided what a future at the bureau will look like, but I am willing to give things here a chance to get better." and you do love your work, Profiling was something you enjoyed doing, you wouldn't toss it away, unless you absolutely had no other choice. "So you don't have to worry about losing me, Spence." and you hold your breath, mostly because it's a bit audacious on your part.

He offers you a half smile, and you notice the way he visibly relaxes. Still, he doesn't want you to feel obligated to stay somewhere just for his sake, so he feels the need to be honest with you. "I'm not worried." he promises you, and it's a tiny fib, one that could become true if he grew just a touch more confidence. "Even if you did decide to leave one day I would put in the work to keep you in my life." and his smile stretches across his face now, and reaches his eyes. "You're not someone anyone would want to lose." your stomach twists.

"You're not either, Spencer." and you say it firmly, mainly to show just how much you need him to believe it. "I'd just make it my job to take up all your free time outside of work." and his face feels incessantly warm, like he'd stuck his head directly in the stream of scalding shower water. The funny thing about you was that you were oftentimes one of the hardest on the team to read. He figured that because he spent so much time hyper focused on you that he'd get better at it. He still hadn't, and you still managed to leave him stuck.

Comments like the one you just made were common for you, but the meaning behind it always escaped him. Were you flirting with him or were you just being nice? Was it possible that you knew that he had feelings for you? Were you using him as a rebound after the mess you'd found yourself entangled into with Hotch just months ago? The thought of him merely being an emotional rebound made him sad, disappointed, and insecure. But then he's taking in your expression, how despite your confidence you still look shy, and reels it in.

You had never been that sort of person, maybe you were just as oblivious as he was. "I'd be okay with that now." and you look a bit surprised, but also pleased. You nod your head slightly, leaning forward just a little in your seat. Spencer isn't sure if he's moved too quickly, but he's got no room to second guess it now.

"We should do something." it's not at all what he'd expected you to say, and he's surprised, it's more than evident on his face.

"Who? Us? Just the two of us?" he asks, and you find yourself offering him an amused sort of glance.

"Yeah, it could be fun." you insist, and you're not trying to play with his feelings, at least not in the traditional sense. Spencer Reid was no rebound. "It's not often we have days off, you know?" and you lean against your palm, head tipping slightly to the side. "Only if you want." you add, hoping that this addition would make him feel a touch more comfortable. It seems to work, because he untenses just a bit.

"Y-Yeah." he nods his head slightly, hair moving with the action just slightly. "Yeah, we should definitely do something." he agrees, and your smile is bright, clearly pleased at the turn of events. "When would you?" his eyes jump to his watch, and he shakes his head. "Obviously, not right now." he says and you're staring at him a bit bemused, because Spencer Reid was nothing if not a bit unserious.

"There's this music store I've been dying to check out." you say, and you witness Spencer's eyes seem to brighten. "It's sort of right on the strip, if you don't mind going with me to look at some vinyls and cd's for my collection, we could just go-" and you're eyebrows are raised, "And see what happens? There's a lot you could do..." you finish, and Spencer's already nodding his head in agreement.

"T-That's..." and he clears his throat, you think to keep you from acknowledging the fact his voice cracked in his nervousness. "Yeah, I don't mind that at all." he agrees politely. "Did you know that in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, record stores only sold gramophone records, but over time they've sold other formats like eight-track tapes, compact cassettes, and compact discs." his hands curl into one another as he relays this message and you snort.

"Did you know that there's a national record store day? It started back in 2008." and he's a bit surprised that you're shooting him a fact of your own, and one that he wasn't actually aware of.

"Really?" he questions, and your eyes sort of crinkle, smile broadening enough to show off both rows of your teeth.

"Don't tell me that I know something the brilliant Doctor Reid doesn't." you tease, and his eyes roll, though his entire demeanor remains lighthearted. "So, what's your poison?" you sidestep, but just barely, your work ignored as you focus all your efforts on keeping this conversation with Reid going.

"My poison?" and his mind of course drifts to alcohol, a bit of a confusing pivot in the conversation. "I don't really see myself as much of a drinker." he admits truthfully, and he's confused when you're laughing, hand flying up to cover your mouth as his face contorts.

"I meant your favorite music genre." you correct. "And I know you're partial to classical," and you try not to stretch your eyes. "It's great when I need to concentrate, but I wouldn't exactly say I'm dying to put on Bach and Tchaikovsky in a regular setting." you explain, both hands resting against your cheeks as you await the hopefully longwinded answer he'd have to give you.

"What if that's my only answer?" he asks, and you scoff.

"It's not." you deadpan, and he exhales through his nose. "I know you and Morgan have that understanding about music..." you explain, head cocked to the side. "He got you to listen to Nas." you remind him as he purses his lips at the reminder. "And Garcia's always sending music recommendations." you proceed as Spencer shoots you a look that clearly reads 'What's your point?'.

"Are you really telling me that out of every genre of music that's ever been released to the entire world, the only genre that's ever stood out to you is the one where old men sit behind a piano and twinkle the keys to their hearts content?" Spencer's releasing another one of those quiet laughs, this one is clearly full of exasperation though.

"I think they're doing a little bit more than twinkling keys." he corrects you, and you know that. You'd only said it to get under his skin just a little, he was fun to mess with. "Classical music is one of the only genres that seemingly does so little and is able to express the full spectrum of human emotion and life experience." he explains, and you fight your smile, leaning in just a bit more to show you were focused. You weren't sure what was happening or if anything was really happening at all, and it was all in your mind.

But you were finding that you didn't mind just listening to Spencer go on and on about whatever he wanted. You thought a lot about what had happened outside of that court room, how he'd listened to you. Really listened to you, and had never once made you feel like the emotional failure you'd imagined yourself to be. You couldn't say that in the span of a week all of your feelings for Hotch had vanished. That'd be bullshit, because deep down you knew it wasn't that easy.

And sometimes you wished it could be, sometimes you wondered why you had to fall for Hotch when Spencer was right there.

Still, whether or not you were being forced to come to grips with the fact that Hotch was not, and wouldn't ever love you the way you loved him, you couldn't deny that it was nice to have a friend there. Spencer wasn't coming to you with heavy confessions and tear-streaked cheeks begging you to look and see that he was perfect for you, which is why you think you like him even more. You knew a lot of times it was hard, rare even to find someone who would just care for you without expecting anything in return. That was Spence to a T.

"Go on." you instruct, and you find that despite the way you'd baited him into this conversation, it was well worth it. He didn't get a lot of time to just be Spencer, and with no clock over your heads, no rush for time to solve a case, you figured it was the least you could do. Especially after he'd spent the last week trying to show you how much he cared.

"I just mean that in classical music, it's actually very common to have one piece of music encompass an entire host of emotions, experiences, and subject matter." he expresses, and you hum, nodding along. "And it's all because most classical pieces use a similar formula that uses textures, dynamic colors and key modulations to express things certain words can't properly articulate." he proceeds. "That's why certain sounds and notes manage to adduce certain reactions." he seems finished.

"Oh, yeah?" you press and he nods limply, seemingly awaiting the moment you offer some jab regarding his oversharing. "I guess Mozart and Beethoven were really onto something." you mutter, and he snorts. "Still, I'd much rather listen to something a bit more obvious." you admit, not that you had a real problem with Classical Music.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I'm just saying... music's always sort of been the perfect tool for expressing everything you might need to say." you counter. "And while I agree that music in any form does a great job of invoking certain emotions, sometimes you don't want to guess what someone means." you admit, and it's partially (mostly) because you had never been good at reading in between the lines. Things always made the most sense when they were plainly spelled out.

"Or maybe that's just a me thing." you correct. "I've found that I always enjoy things when they're a little more laid out... there's no way to misunderstand when it's spelled out for you, right?" you ask and Spencer's lips curve down into a slight frown. He's not pitying you, mostly just sympathizing with how torn up you must have been about everything. Especially as your eyes instinctively are drawn to the shut doorway of Hotch's office. Spencer thinks that's when reality sets back in and hits him like a brick.

Because he knew something that you didn't. Something that would probably make everything better for you, but would undoubtedly double his heartache. In truth, he, much like everyone else on the team tried their hardest to ignore just how obvious you'd been about your feelings for hotch. spencer more than anyone.

He remembered how things had changed a few months back, how you'd started to move on all for the rug to be pulled from up under your feet. It had been outwardly cruel, undoubtedly. because while everyone else on the team seemed to be just fine with 'don't ask, don't tell', Spencer had been unable to not pay attention to the way Hotch had actually changed too. Did he hate him? Absolutely not... and he knew you didn't either, because despite how idiotic the plan was, he hadn't done much besides give you more attention.

And Spencer guessed the act of giving you more attention had unsurprisingly ended with Aaron Hotchner realizing it was something he actually enjoyed. Hence the sudden change their boss underwent.

He supposed that was the worst part about it all, the fact that everyone had the right to tell you that "nothing had happened", and there was nothing you could do about it. Because in the grand scheme of things nothing really had happened. Hotch was no heartless womanizer, Spencer couldn't even imagine the man flirting with anyone, let alone stringing someone along for kicks. Still, that didn't change the fact that you'd gotten your hopes up, and now you were back to your own harsh reality.

Not because it wasn't a real possibility, more so because Hotch was self destructive, and sabotaged himself and his happiness at every turn. Spencer wants to stay quiet, to bask in the fact that you were slowly on your own terms getting over Hotch, and paying more attention to him, but he can't do that. He'd hate it if someone did it to him. So instead he decides to throw you a bone, push you in the right direction. "Why haven't you just talked to him?" it's not what he had meant to say. He had meant to play the role of the supportive friend.

He'd wanted to pat you on the back, mumble some agreeance that would validate how you were feeling, and possibly give him cool points. Instead, here he was about to push you in the direction of someone else. He supposed that's how stupid love made you.

"What?" you exclaim, and Spencer doesn't know what's so exasperating about his question. It was obvious that you needed to, it wasn't fair that you were slowly deteriorating on the inside whilst trying to maintain some semblance of being a "team player". He said 'screw the team' if it wasn't genuine. And clearly, from the way you'd still been icing out JJ and Emily, it wasn't. Not fully anyway. He'd never rush you to get over it, mostly because it'd make him a hypocrite. He still cringes at the thought of the tears he'd shed to JJ.

But, that was his own problem.

"Hotch." he lowers his voice a little, because it's just now hitting him that the two of you have been slacking off for a while now. Emily wasn't exactly focused in on the both of you anymore, but every so often, he'd find that she still look up every few moments. JJ, Derek, and Rossi had made a habit of leaving their respective offices, eyes glued to what was apparently becoming unit news. "You should talk to him." he says simply as your eyes cross dramatically.

"What's there to talk about?" you ask suddenly distracted by a smudge on the corner of your desk.

"What happened." he says simply. "I mean, don't you think there might be some explanation you might be missing?" Spencer tries, and you curl into yourself just a little bit.

"It's still work hours and he's still Hotch." you deny, and Spencer's lips push to the side, an obvious sign of his slight discomfort about what he was going to say next. "He's not going to want to talk about it." you admit. "And what exactly do you say in a conversation like that? Oh by the way boss, I was in love with you, and it kinda felt like maybe you felt the same, except oh wait, it was just a ploy to keep me from realizing you were lying about Emily being alive?" you say sarcastically. Spencer huffs in retaliation.

"Yes actually, you could say exactly that. Maybe you'll learn something you didn't know before." he deadpans, and your nose curls. You cut your eyes over at the man, who's not amused.

"I kinda thought you'd be the last person pushing for this sort of confrontation, you know?' you admit before you can really help yourself. You watch as Spencer's face seems to set into one of surprise, his cheeks and neck slowly gaining a red sort of tint to them.

"What do you mean?" he questions, and your mouth parts just slightly. And you think the same way he's been gentle with you is the exact same way you need to be gentle with him, so you pivot, head shaking from side to side.

"Nothing." you say firmly. "Forget about it." you say quietly, and then you're looking back at your paperwork. Spencer, embarrassed finds himself fiddling with his fingers, trying to scold his heartbeat back into submission. It suddenly felt way too cramped sitting at your desk.

"You should go after work." he says, and your eyes snap back to him. "Talk to Hotch after work, I mean." he says and your stomach feels a bit tight. "I think it'll be best." he proceeds, and you frown.

"You do?" you question, and you try not to sound despondent.

"Y-Yeah, I do." he agrees despite his stutter. "Things like this don't go away on their own, you know?" and you chew on the inside of your lip, and feel that gloom cloud from earlier making its way back.

"I thought we were supposed to be hanging out today, Spencer." you start and he blinks owlishly, long lashes nearly caressing the tops of his cheekbones.

"We could always raincheck." he says, and you stare at him just a bit blankly. "It's not like it was a date or anything. They were just plans..." he adds, and your teeth chomp down on your bottom lip. He doesn't really know how to read the look on your face, but he knows that he feels like he's being noble.

"Just plans." you shrug your shoulders dismissively. "Right." and then you pick up your pen. "Well if that's what you want, I guess it's fine by me." you add, body curling into itself as you position yourself away from him.

"Isn't that what you want?" he questions, and you cut your eyes.

"Do you think I'd be sitting here if it was?" you keep your voice level, but your leg is bouncing. You're not quite sure why, maybe because Spencer was being Spencer. You supposed your comment that made it clear that you knew that he had feelings for you had scared him. Now, he was trying to protect himself, but you weren't so hungry for a relationship that you'd string him along for the sole purpose of getting over Hotch. You would've made this call had you figured it out or not, and you supposed the fact he didn't get that was what sucked. "I'm not that pathetic." you add with a quiet scoff.

"It's not about you being pathetic." he denies. "I don't think that about you., I just know that you're in a vulnerable place. You had real feelings for him, and I think it'd be best for you to get it all off your chest correctly, before you start projecting all those leftover feelings to the first person you can." and he doesn't mean it in the way it sounds. In fact the statistics about rebounds would sound a lot worse, but as usual, he's horrible at communicating exactly what he feels.

You blink. Once, twice, three times.

"I can't believe you just said that to me." you say, and you're abruptly standing up, mostly because you're about to cry like the fucking baby you were. Spencer's certain this is a new record for how quickly things could go left just because he couldn't shut the hell up. What he'd been trying to convey was that after a rejection, it was much easier to mistake platonic feelings for romantic ones. He had been a consistent shoulder for you to lean on since everything went south.

He didn't want you to think that he was being nice to you only because he had feelings for you, and convince yourself that you felt the same all because you refused to fully shut the door with Hotch. But he'd never actually meant to make it seem like you'd be so desperate, and especially not with him. "Y/N, wait. That's not what I meant-" except you're already leaving, taking in the shaky breath that told him he'd stupidly made you cry.

"L/N?" Emily's calling as you pass her, but you don't respond to her either. Instead you're rushing off in the direction of the bathroom, likely to calm yourself down. Emily's eyes are immediately snapping over to Spencer, and her eyebrows are furrowed. He instinctively looks away, internally cursing himself out.

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"Y/N/N?" you're surprised to hear JJ entering the bathroom, and you're hurriedly moving to splash at your face with water to keep it from looking so puffy. Still, JJ was as perceptive as she was pushy, so it's clear she's already put it together that you're crying. "Hey, is everything alright?" she takes on that motherly tone she uses with Henry, and the rest of the team when they're feeling down.

"I'm fine." you insist, and she doesn't look convinced. She takes a tentative step towards you, standing beside the sink you were occupying. "Seriously JJ, please just leave me alone." you partially beg.

"I know you're upset with me, but you're still my friend." she reminds you. "I'm not going to leave you in here when it's clear you're upset." she exclaims. "So you can talk to me or not, but I'm not going anywhere." she deadpans, and you sniffle, rubbing harshly at your cheeks. They're sensitive to the action, blood rushing to your face.

"You're so annoying." you mumble, but there's no bite. It makes JJ snicker, and it's a step in the right direction you're sure.

"It's my job." she retorts with a shrug, and she leans her back against the sink beside you, legs crossing slightly. "Is everything okay?" she tries again, much more gently as you frown. No, everything was not okay. You hadn't actually expected to be sitting here crying over Spencer's remark, but you supposed that the fact he believed you'd ever use him as a rebound had kind of hurt. You supposed it also didn't help that he'd so callously canceled your plans.

You'd actually started to look forward to hanging out with him.

"Do you think I'm desperate?" you question haughtily, and JJ's eyes widen, surprise overtaking her features as she turns to you fully.

"Of course not." she denies firmly, blonde ponytail bobbing with all her intense animation. "What would make you think that?" she pries, and you cut your eyes just slightly.

"You guys could have trusted me with the truth." you counter, and she falls silent. "And even if you couldn't there were so many other ways to keep me from finding out about Emily. Ways that didn't involve making me look like an idiot to the rest of the team." you mumble crossly, and you blink enough that you feel like your lashes are crumpling into your cornea. it forces you to drag a hand over them roughly, rubbing harshly at your eyes until the sensation left.

"That wasn't what we were trying to do." JJ tries, and it doesn't really matter what exactly she was trying to do. What mattered was what had happened. "You know that." she adds, and you think she's trying to appeal to the part of you that knew the type of people she and Hotch were. The ones that had proven their loyalty to the team for years and years. "Is this about Hotch?" she says and you wince because the problem wasn't that simple.

And you didn't understand why everyone seemed to think so.

You weren't some girl that couldn't handle rejection, what bothered you the most was that Hotch and JJ had felt like they couldn't trust you, and it bothered you that Hotch had felt like he had to play along to some stupid fantasy to ensure you'd play your role. And it especially bothered you that you'd mourned your friend Emily and everything you thought you knew about her, and all anyone could focus on was the fact that you liked Hotch and he didn't like you back. As if your entire world stopped all because of it.

"No, it's not about Hotch." you deadpan. "I wish you guys would just stop being so casual about it." you add on as JJ's mouth parts.

"Y/N... it's not really something that you'd ever really been subtle about. Everyone knows." and she's still trying to be gentle, despite the fact that the words still managed to slice at you.

"So that makes what you guys did, okay?" you shoot back. "Is that really the hill you want to die on?" and you're growing crosser. "This isn't about not being liked back by a guy, this is about me believing that the people I spend most of my days with have my back. How are we supposed to be a team when I can't trust you?" you press. "Because you never would have done that to Spence." you add, and JJ blinks, mostly because she doesn't know how to counter that.

"You didn't have to do it to Derek or Rossi or Penelope either." you remind her. "So what was it about me, about this that made your only course of action rubbing salt in a wound that I was doing a damn good job of healing all on my own?"

"I-I don't know." she admits, and you suppose it was an answer.

"Yeah, well I don't know if I have the patience to wait around for you all to figure that out." you mumble.

"What are you saying?" and JJ's blinking a bit more, eyes misty but not quite showing any signs of shed tears.

"I'm saying that before I didn't know if I wanted to stay here anymore. I love my job, but I don't love how it makes me feel now." you say plainly. "When Elle got like that and ignored her gut it got someone shot." you say, and it sounds melodramatic, but it doesn't feel that way at all. JJ gasps, though it's faint. "I just don't want to wait around for that to happen to me." and you inhale sharply, shuddered breath wracking through you as JJ stares at you clearly gobsmacked.

"But-" and she can't quite grasp the words. "You can't just leave." she exclaims, and it sounds like she's pleading. "Look-" and she's starting to sound just a little desperate. "Look we never wanted to hurt you, okay? And-and none of us..." and she stops to make sure she's staring you directly in your eyes. "None of us want to lose you, Y/N." she insists. "I-" and she's shaking her head again. "Please don't do this." and she sounds the same way Spencer did when he said it. Your nose twitches, "We just got the team back together." she mutters.

"JJ, that's not fair." you huff at her, and she's not really trying to be fair. She just doesn't want you to leave.

"I'm so sorry that we hurt you." and while most apologies that start that way are usually rife with deceit, JJ sounds more sincere than she probably ever has before. "And I'm sorry if it feels a little flat, especially with you already having a foot out the door." she sighs, "It wasn't okay, but-but I know how Hotch feels about you. How the entire team feels about you." she reiterates. "We can't do this without you, we can't." she emphasizes sternly. "And maybe that's selfish to bring up, but we all care so much about you." she promises.

You want to cut her off, but she doesn't give you the chance.

Classic JJ.

"Do whatever you need to! Take as much time away as you need, hate us forever if you have to, but please don't- don't walk away from what you do here." she exhales shakily. "And-and for the record, whether it helps or not... we didn't sit around discussing your... feelings for Hotch." she tells you quietly. "It wasn't some master plan that we composed, and-and I don't know... it couldn't have all been fake." she whispers, and you wonder why she's changing her tune, because just last week she was telling you that 'it wasn't real'

"JJ-" you finally manage and she's shaking her head.

"I'm serious." she insists, and your nose crinkles up again.

"Stop." you deadpan. "You're being really mean." you huff, and you begin to click at your nails just slightly. JJ thinks you're a little bit exasperating. Too stubborn for your own good, but she wont push.

"Could you just listen for one second?" she exclaims, and you're pouting as she grows more overwhelmed at it all. "I wouldn't lie to you about this." she insists, and you wonder why she, and Spencer have taken this sort of stance with you. It should make you hopeful, right? Oh, there was some chance that Hotch felt the same way as you. Except you can't be happy about it, because he's not the one that was sitting here telling you this. It was JJ.

What had you told Spencer earlier? 'There's no way to misunderstand when it's spelled out for you, right', and emotionally exhausted or not, you meant it. Which meant you refused to do the work for him. If he couldn't say it, if he couldn't admit it, than it was as if it wasn't true at all. Which is why you exhale, blinking away whatever bleariness tried to keep itself latched to your eyes. "I love you for trying so hard, but I'd rather you didn't." you instruct sternly.

JJ inhales deeply, audibly expelling the breath from her nose. "That's what you're missing, Y/N." she begins, and she reaches out, hand cupping your shoulder. "I'm not trying to do anything. Everything I've said today I meant. You're important, and you're a lot to lose." she admits. "If you're going to leave, leave because you hate the job, do it because you don't feel fulfilled any longer. But don't let this be what makes you throw in the towel, Y/N." she says and you huff again.

You were doing a lot of that today. "We'll make up for it." she begins, and then she sighs. "I'll make up for it, however long it takes." and you think her pivot from sharing the blame to taking it all for herself makes you feel a little less like you were being ganged up on. She was no longer the spokesperson for everyone involved, and was back to just being JJ, your friend JJ. "Please?" she tries again, and it's not like her to beg, which tells you all you need to know about how serious she was.

"We should get back to work." you mumble, and it's not quite the answer she's expecting, but at the very least it was a promise that you both still had until the end of the day at the very least. She doesn't have the strength to fight her smile, arms looping around you in a move that's much too invasive for your still sour mood, but you don't slight her for it. You instead let her hug you, because obviously it meant a lot more to her than you knew. She'd missed you.

"Alright, alright. That's enough." you tease, moving to lightly push the blonde off of you as she exhales.

"Can you blame me? I thought you were gonna hate me forever." she admits honestly, and you crinkle your nose.

"Guess I'm softer than I thought." you reply, and she waves you off at the remark. Still, despite this slight turn in the direction of your relationship with JJ, you still couldn't feel all that settled. But, you know hiding out in the restroom was by no means the best choice. So when JJ moves to leave, you tail her, surprised when on the other side is a nearly pacing Reid.

"Spence?" JJ exclaims in surprise, the tawny haired man turns to you both. He's immediately looking past JJ to take you in. JJ follows hos gaze and whistles under her breath, deciding that her job was done. She offers you a hopeful sort of look before she continues on towards her desk, leaving you and Spencer mostly alone.

"Are you okay?" he asks, and you're subjectively alright, for the moment. You're better than you were, but not as good as you could be. You're not anywhere near where or who you were before, but you suppose after what the team endured there wasn't much that could be done about that last bit. "I'm so sorry." he's exclaiming, and of course, he means it. He always means it. "I didn't mean to-" and he doesn't really know how to articulate all his thoughts correctly.

He's good with words, knows facts and statistics and data, knows what runs through his mind when he thinks about you, and knows what he wants to say. It's when he opens his mouth that things go awry, because despite all his grand attempts, he always manages to screw up when it came to expressing the emotional side of things. His pep talks sometimes fell flat, and a lot of times he missed the mark when it came to cheering someone up. But, he'd never wanted to be a person who hurt you, so he needed to fix it.

Even if it ruined everything forever.

"I wasn't trying to insinuate that you'd-" and he motions between the both of you. "I don't think that you see me as a rebound." he finally vocalizes. "That would mean you'd have to see me in a potentially romantic way." Spencer's voice is as steady as it often was when he was giving a geographical profile or helping to relay some form of fact or evidence during a case. Which said a lot about his intentions, and how serious he was about you not misunderstanding him.

"I was merely trying to note that a lot of times in circumstances where we're faced rejection from someone we hold to a high regard, it's really easy to misinterpret our own feelings and latch onto people before we really mean to." he expresses, and your chewing on the inside of your cheek, albeit subtly. "For example, because you've established me as someone who you can trust during this time, it'd be really easy for you to misinterpret what you think you feel for me." he says, and your eyebrows furrow inwardly.

"How could I possibly do that? They're my own feelings." you retort.

"Because, the first thing people do after a breakup, is they seek validation, or a new way to boost their esteem and self worth." he doesn't quite lecture, but it's clear he's intent on your knowing all of this. "And that doesn't necessarily mean that you're vying for me as a potential person to bounce back with, but a lot of times when you don't process the end of a previous emotional bond, your view of the entire new dynamic can be warped." he proceeds, and you're still not really understanding his point, instead you're feeling more silly.

"What are you saying, Spencer?" you question quietly.

"All I'm trying to explain is that I don't want you to tell me that you want to go out and listen to me promenade facts unless it's what you really want to do." he says, "I don't want you to feel like you're obligated to play along, because you think we're in the same boat... where we- we love someone that we can't have?" he presses, and he winces once it's out, you think you may have started holding your breath. "Does that make sense to you?"

You nod your head limply, and you take in his words. You find that your little hunch about your dear Spencer was correct. You also note that it doesn't quite scare you the way you'd initially believed it would. "Spence, I wouldn't do that to you." you remind him, and he nods too.

"I know that." he promises. "At least not consciously, but our minds can play tricks on us. You could think that this is what's best, moving on... forgetting about- about everything that happened." he presses, and your lips form into a thin line. "And then wake up in three weeks and remember why you fell in love with Hotch to begin with."

"Or-" and his eyes widen.

"Or?"

"Or...I could choose to stop waiting around for someone to not be afraid to love me." you counter. "I could- I could choose to hang out with my friend, Spencer and be okay with whatever happens after that. I could- We could do that. And it could be okay." you purse your lips. "Because, it's what I want to do. Nobody's entitled to my feelings but me, and you know what that means, Spencer? It means that if you think that you might love me, you need to be okay with that." he looks a bit startled that you're saying it so bluntly, but stays quiet.

"And you need to know that sometimes your statistics are gonna be wrong, and sometimes the guy that's too scared to admit how they feel doesn't get the girl." it's a shock, you can't say that you've fallen out of love in a day, you can't say that you've fallen in love in a day. But you do know that Spencer Reid managed to invoke a hope inside of you that you hadn't managed to feel in a long time. He made you girlishly giddy, and you liked talking to him, you liked listening to him, you liked the way it felt when you'd made plans together.

And maybe there was no such thing as a happily ever after where everyone gets who they want, maybe in three weeks you would wake up and find that you and Spencer were better off as friends, but you weren't going to hold up your life in the hopes that maybe someday Aaron Hotchner would wake up and decide he was finally ready to love you out loud. Not when there was a chance to take your own life, your own emotions by the balls and do with them what you wanted.

"He doesn't?" Spencer asks, and you're not quite sure you can place what emotions are resting on his face and in his eyes.

"We can find out." you offer, and it's not some heady and heavy declaration of unyielding devotion, but wasn't that sort of how every relationship started? With some decision to take a chance. Maybe, you didn't really know. "There's this music store I've been dying to check out." you say, and for the second time that day Spencer seems to brighten right in front of your eyes. "It's sort of right on the strip, if you don't mind going with me... there's a lot we could do…" and the small change is almost everything. It's scary, causes a pit in your gut.

Still, it's a nicer feeling than uncertainty and the hollowness left behind by idleness. "Are you in?" you ask, and Spencer is already nodding his head, smile reaching his eyes as his pretty teeth reveal themselves to you, eyes twinkling in a way that's very very beautiful.

"Yes." he agrees with a simple nod. "I would-" and you think it's cute the way his smile refuses to leave, and sweet the way he's suddenly grown nervous all over again. "I'd like that-" and his voice cracks, and earns him a laugh, your own demeanor seeming to change as your excitement starts to brew in the depths of your chest.

"Good." you beam.

"Good." he repeats, and there's a small moment, a flicker where you're certain you both look nervous, frightful of what came next. But it only lasts a second, because you're both suddenly being called by Derek, a resounding 'Pretty Boy, Pretty Girl' forcing you out of your bubble and back into the fray. With another shared smile you find yourselves in step, making your way back towards the heart of the bullpen where the rest of the team is huddled. It's rare when work is so light, but you know as well as everyone else, you'll all take advantage of it.

When Penelope smiles at you, you smile back, and it's real.

When JJ plants herself on top of your desk, the two of you actually laugh, spilling secrets and trading gossip like nothing's ever changed.

When Rossi calls you Piccola, you relax even more into the familiarity of being surrounded by your teammates.

When Derek slings an arm around your shoulder and plants a kiss to the top of your head, you remember why you loved your job.

When Emily calls your name and waves you and JJ over to the group, you oblige, meeting Emily's eyes with no mirth left behind. When she calls you by your nickname, you feel that familiar swarm of familial adoration filling your chest, and recognize that things with her would be okay. You find that in the grand scheme she is still your Emily.

When you find yourself standing next to your boss, his usually stern and stoic persona shed in the presence of the team he considered family, you hardly bat an eye. When he smiles at a joke you make, you're pleased, but the anxiety, the panic that tormented you is all gone. The butterflies are too, replaced with the respect you remember.

And when you find yourself looking across the circle and meet the pretty brown eyes of one Spencer Reid, you feel it when your heart tremors, just a little bit.

And you think, in the end, you made the right decision.

[cocogum]

Let’s TALK about episodes 11-12-13

(‼️SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4‼️)

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@onyichii I know I told you once that this was initially going to have more than two parts to explain what happened between these three episodes but I decided to scratch that idea out and instead put them all into one post.

Before I begin, I would like to address something crucial.

Thank you, Ankama for everything that you’ve done for Wakfu. And thank you for this final season as well. It’s clear that despite the many rough challenges you’ve had to face and overcome over the years, I’m really happy that Wakfu has fully made its course. You’ve outdone yourself for this season just for us and it shows.

A lot of us have been here since our childhoods so we really love you for creating such a series that we’ve managed to fall in love with or else we wouldn’t be here talking about it.

This season was absolutely beautiful and what a way to end it all.

Unless Season 5 makes its appearance lol. (later did I know that we recently got the news of a season 5)

Now let’s begin.

WE FINALLY GET TO SEE OUR ORIGINAL RAT RUEL 💖💖💖

My god he looks angry as hell I literally never saw him like this, imagine seeing this in the corner of your eye, and he’s right there staring at you hiding in the shadows like-

Help???

But anyway yeah he’s completely broke.

My guy at least got one kama thanks to Junior 😭😭

OH SHIT YUGO’S HERE!!!! RUEL TURN AROUND ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

First thing Ruel does is cry about his money to Yugo. Bro isn’t even asking why tf he grew. That wasn’t even his first question. Scratch that, that wasn’t even something that came up in his head.

That’s how you know he deserves the Rat King crown.

THAT SHOULD BE ME ‼️‼️‼️ THAT SHOULD BE ME SQUEEZING HIM WITH SNOT COMING OUT OF MY NOSTRILS, NOT HIM ‼️‼️‼️

Love how even though Dally and Eva told each other not to worry about Flopin, these two still looked like shit, even after hugging it out. So they’re still gonna keep Flopin’s room the way it is, right? They’re not gonna give it to Pin, right? Cuz their house is kinda big for five people (make that six with Goultard) so I feel like they’ll keep Flopin’s room the way it is and make a brand new room for Pin. I can imagine Poo helping them use a spare room to turn it into a bedroom for Pin (Poo will do it out of the sheer goodness of his heart ofc and definitely not because Elely was gonna beat him to a pulp lol)

YUGO’S HERE OMG EVERYBODY STFU ‼️‼️ (and Ruel too)

You have no idea how happy I was to see Dally not welcoming Yugo back and immediately trying to punch him. It makes sense for him to confuse Yugo for Oropo, especially after all the things he and his family went through because of him.

And here’s where we get a YUGO VS DALLY FIGHT SCENE ARE YOU KIDDING ME-

Never in my life did I think I would ever witness seeing these two fight against each other. Even if they had been play fighting, I would have never seen it coming.

But GOOD. At least we get to see more of Yugo’s ass Yugo moving around and getting to test his strength out.

Elely and Goultard even went in and tried to jump the guy but bro wasn’t even trying 😭😭 he literally threw Elely like a ragdoll like THAT’S YOUR FRIEND’S CHILD WHAT ARE YOU DOING-

(yeet the child)

That’s practically his niece by the way and he just threw her like she was nothing lol

Anyways, Eva breaks the fight and NXKAKSLDKKSKSLDL the way she gently touched Yugo’s face! She’s so shocked by how he looks now! To think that she used to be his older sister figure, and now he’s taller than her and the others 😭💖

It's funny and cute that Eva used to be the tallest in the group lol

It also took all these years for Dally to understand why Yugo is his best friend...

So the others finally get to know what’s been happening for nine episodes now and the iops in the family are absolutely down for it 💀

Yugo literally described the end of the world and these three dumbasses can't wait for it.

After that, the boys go back to the Sadida Kingdom and THIS. THIS IS THE REUNION.

I just love how Amalia’s first instinct is hugging Eva just look at the girls smiling together like this 💖💖💖

I missed them so much together 💕💕 even Pin is happy to see Amalia omg she’s absolutely killing it as an aunt 😭💕💕

And then….

Here comes Yugo.

I swear his and Adamaï’s reunion was the most bro-like thing I have ever seen from any of the seasons, comics, and manga chapters. Dude just comes out from another world that had creatures immune to anything in the krosmoz and tortured his body for who knows how long, and the first thing his bro does is give him a bro slap.

Freaking killed me.

And THEN

THEN CAME AMALIA’S REACTION OMAGJSKWLSLXLLSMMSKDLD THEIR EYES MET LOOK AT THEM-

But the Eliatrope Goddess just had to cut off their reunion 😒 urgh I swear this woman cares too much for her kids. Like to an unhealthy amount. Look at her hiding him away from Amalia and the others, she was clearly trying to separate him from anyone who wasn’t related to her. The only reason why Joris wasn’t being pushed away was because he was way too close. I’ve already explained so much about this one scene alone in this post so if you’re interested go take look at it.

The Eliatrope goddess was so lucky Yugo didn’t see her call Amalia “crazy” though…cuz man, I know she was panicking but gurl you’re insulting your daughter-in-law calm down-

Armand and Aurora get here and see this reunion and my god Armand actually had a point though.

Like the guy isn’t happy to see the eliatropes, he clarifies to them that this whole situation with the necromes was because of them. Yugo doesn’t even try to retort because Armand is completely in the right to be angry at him and his people.

And shocker, the Eliatrope Goddess decided to ditch them all and takes the kids.

Even though Yugo told her they couldn’t leave because they’d just keep running away forever, she didn’t listen and would rather even leave HIM and Adamaï behind, TWO of her literal FIRST CHILDREN FROM THE KROSMOZ.

I understand that she had been severely traumatized by the necromes, but something tells me she used to always flee at the first sign of danger when it came to anything at all. Her bad habit of fleeing must’ve been as far back as when she used to be part of the other gods. When she used to be with them, she was even willing to break an important rule between her equals, which was “to not have your own planet for your followers.” After they learned she had betrayed them, they all tried fighting her off but she didn’t dare fight back. Either it was because she’s a pacifier or because she prefers fleeing. With the many cases we’ve seen of her fleeing, I’ll have to say the latter since it might as well just be a habit. I can also support this claim by pointing out that she can fight but chooses to flee instead: when she was in the meeting between the rulers, she clearly showed that she had the strength to fight back when she was being challenged by one of Bonta’s queens.

The war started…

Not gonna lie, the Eliatrope goddess' shield was pretty useful since the group needed to buy some time for Yugo, Joris, and Goultard to get Nora back. I like how they knew they had no choice but to buy some time because fighting a necrome is like trying to kill water: that shit is impossible.

Although one thing I will never forget from that war, was Dally and Armand talking to each other.

This was a true full circle. The minute they met, they did not get along and were on completely opposite sides. Even during these years, they somewhat got along but never made any real improvement. But when they reach a war where they could potentially die, that's when they now see that they truly have no qualms at all anymore.

Like...thinking about how they used to fight over Evangelyne now sounds childish and so old to remember.

If you were to tell me years ago that they somewhat now get along and Armand was actually happy to see Dally, I would've thought you wrote a fanfic about it.

Nonetheless, it was nice seeing Armand get a taste of what it felt like to be on an adventure. He missed his chances to join Amalia and her friends, so being in a war fighting alongside them seemed like a good compensation to have instead. It's like putting all the dangers and adrenaline into one big ball and seeing what happens.

Armand enters the legend.

He might have been the king that had the shortest reign in Sadida history but after what he just pulled off, he’ll stay the best in record. This man beat a dragon made by the gods from another world and defeated it before dying while standing up. Name me another mortal in the krosmoz who has ever pulled off this kind of shit. That's right, zero. Not even Dally did that and that guy died like three times. Someone get Armand a real proper wife who he can have fun with, the man needs it after the awesome shit he just pulled off.

It baffles me however that when a sadida dies, they turn into sprouts so they can be planted and turned into trees in time.

It’s kind of bittersweet knowing that their deaths somewhat turn into a sort of reincarnation. Sadida is the only god who well…doesn’t look like he’s visually made of skin and bones. He’s a plant and created his own form of photosynthesis to make his Sadida dolls. His subjects, who can be compared to roots, are linked to one tree, not to mention that they could all die in the blink of an eye if anything happened to it as how I explained here. It’s almost like the sprout, from Armand’s death, could be considered the sadidas’ inner cores, sort of like their real selves (?), and they are exposed and revealed when they die. The only instance where we did not see this happen was when Nox managed to dry up the Tree of Life which made the sadidas turn into trees on the spot instead of being planted in peace.

Being a sadida just keeps being more depressing and traumatizing. The sadidas are lucky they love being like this or else they’d all turn into Qilby 💀

When Nora and Efrim leave Toross in his world, we see him go back to his throne while glitching from time to time. At first, nothing about this scene seemed to have been out of the ordinary until @MachineBandage on Twitter let everyone know that if we paused at the right moment when he was walking back to his throne, we could see shots of him sitting on the stairs looking defeated and miserable.

And now, yumalia fans, we have the moment we’ve all been waiting for!!

THEIR MARRIAGE 💖💖💖💖💖

Not gonna lie, at first, when I saw Amalia carrying those flowers with Yugo, I thought they were both walking to pay respects to Armand’s tree grave but then THIS HAPPENED‼️‼️

I HAD A STROKE, I THOUGHT I WAS SEEING SHIT BUT THEY’RE LEGIT ABOUT TO GET MARRIED ‼️‼️‼️❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

I was so happy for them. It’s been years since I’ve been rooting for these two.

Ever since 2012, I had a hunch about them because they wouldn’t stop hugging so tightly as it’s been making me go insane. All these years, I was so hopeful and yet worried that I wouldn’t see this happening!!

But not anymore because they finally got together 💖💖

I literally watched my kids grow up, I’m so proud. I shed a tear when I first saw this.

But after watching it over and over again, that’s when I shut off my fangirling (it was getting in the way of visual details lol) to properly inspect what the hell I just saw.

Wouldn’t Yugo and Amalia’s marriage technically be considered a very uncommon thing to happen? Three reasons would suggest this.

The first is how unconventional their marriage ended up looking regardless if its main objective was supposed to look like a political or romantic wedding. You can find that whole explanation in this post I made when the finale came out. The second is that Amalia married someone who isn’t a Twelvian. The third, the most crucial one, is that two RULERS of different races married and, due to that, have unified their people together.

I like how @onyichii noticed that during Yumalia’s ending scene, Yugo was actually the one who was about to kiss Amalia first but she ended up being quicker than him and pressed their lips together first.

He was about to close his eyes and lean in.

If you really pay close attention to Yugo in this scene, you’ll see it. That was such a nice detail to notice and I’m so glad @onyichii brought it up.

These kinds of details are why I love Ankama’s way of sprinkling them. They’re always the kind that would make you blink and miss it until you run the scene again more slowly.

Can you imagine what the people must’ve been thinking when Yugo dropped Amalia in one of his portals?

Dude legit dipped with his wife without warning anybody, not even Amalia knew he was going to plan that.

I can just imagine the people being confused as all hell and then awkwardly waiting for them to come back or wondering IF they’ll even come back.

Renate and Canar are going to spread so much tea in the kingdom, these two are gonna think Yugo took Amalia away for some ‘private time’ cuz he couldn’t wait any longer JZKSSKSKXKXKSKSKKDKKDODKF

I wanna join Renate and Canar’s little group so badly, they sound like a lot of fun lol

LOOK AT AMALIA’S ADORABLE FACE‼️‼️

Yugo is absolutely smitten 💕💕

And let’s not forget our boy Flopin who attended the wedding!

Because yes, despite not physically being there, we saw him with his grandpa on an open field. He had his eyes closed, the same way how Madagaskan was able to look out for Eva and Cleophee all these years. And look!! Flopin smiled!! He approves of the wedding!! Like Adamaï, he is also a yumalia shipper!

It’s confirmed. The shot of him smiling as the wedding scene keeps going can only mean two things: Flopin is learning fast as he can now watch over his family, and HE SMILED AT THE SIGHT OF YUMALIA WHICH MEANS HE LIKES IT!

I wonder if Cleophee is aware that she has a father though. We’ve only seen Evangelyne’s reaction when she learned of this fact but what about Cleophee? She must’ve wondered where Flopin went since he was missing while the Percedal family was attending the wedding. Maybe we’ll get to see her receiving the news in Season 5 or The Great Wave’s other volumes.

Despite this beautiful ending, however, there are still many things we have yet to know or dig deeper about: 1) The other rulers still have this strong mindset that the eliatropes are bad news. In a way, they indirectly caused a lot of destruction, so a lot of them will not like the fact that Yugo remains here, let alone married a twelvian, making his stay official.

2) Yugo still needs to get the rest of his people, the eliatrope kids who are still with his mother.

3) We have no idea where the Eliatrope goddess is at right now. She could be anywhere in the krosmoz, but I hope she eventually learns that her son saved the world.

4) WILL YUGO AND AMALIA THINK ABOUT HAVING KIDS!?! Because of Amalia’s position as queen, and being the last living member of the royal family, she is required to bear children to keep the family name going. So like…are we going to see their kids someday? How many are they going to have? I NEED TO KNOW SO I CAN FANGIRL MORE-

5) There will be more yumalia moments so more cute cuddles and convos lol

6) Yugo and Amalia's marriage will be a loving relationship and an alliance one. Yugo is king of the eliatropes, while Amalia is queen of the sadidas. Despite being together, they are rulers of their distinct people, but they both will help the other without hesitation.

7) The only other ruler I can think of who might be willing to side with Yugo and Amalia is that Lance Dur guy. He's cool. I like him.

8) Ush still wants to fight Yugo. Again. Let’s not forget what he told Yugo before he let the Eliatrope goddess bring him back to Bonta.

9) Brakmar supposedly got half destroyed?? Will we ever get any news from them in Season 5 or in the manga? I bet Astra is feeling ecstatic right now lol

10) Sufokia and Pandawa SHOULD FINALLY PAY THEIR DEBTS TO THE SADIDAS ALREADY

11) Frigost….what happened to it?? Yeah, I didn’t see anyone talk about this. Harebourg has been implied to have died back in Oropo’s pocket dimension and yet we see him in Waven and had joined one of the four clans. So is Frigost okay? What is going on over there?

That’s all that came to mind.

But now that we have recently heard the news that Season 5 was coming, I was so thrilled to know that this wasn’t truly going to be the ending for the anime and Tot persevered to get more!! Despite what we’ve been told about Season 4 being the finale, I’m so glad AND GRATEFUL that Tot didn’t stop there ☺️💕💕

Who knows, maybe we’ll have some of our answers in Season 5 since Tot did say that we’d have about 26 episodes which is a lot to put lore in. I'm still not sure if we truly will have 26 episodes like he said back in his tweet because it might have been just a tease (a cruel one at that) but I’m still hopeful that we’ll have more than 13 since Ankama now has partners!

SO YEAH WE GOT A LOT OF SHIT TO UNPACK IN SEASON 5 AND THE MANGA.

But the upcoming season and the manga will obviously not reveal everything, let’s be aware of that. Tot likes to sprinkle lots of lore in the games too so we’ll have to look out for those.

[time-is-restored]

What Happened At The Church On Ruby Road?

AKA: Why does RTD want us to watch Ruby's first episode with a ruler and protractor?

Alright, so since I read this article excerpt yesterday night I haven't been able to stop thinking about what trick could be hidden in the sequence between the cloaked woman, the doctor, and baby ruby. While I'm not at all claiming to know the answer, I have a few details to point out that might help with further analysis.

First of all: A Continuity Error (On Purpose?)

At the very beginning of TCORR, when the doctor's giving his 'once upon a time,' speech, we see the TARDIS materialise + the doctor appear, looking in the direction of the cloaked woman, looking distraught. Disney+ is evil so I can't get an accurate screenshot, so take this scuffed photo instead, taken from 1:03. You can see a tear rolling down his cheek (little white dot on the left of his face, in line w this nose).

Later in the episode, when the doctor materialises in the scene for the first time, there is no tear. It's a marginally different shot in several ways, but that's the most noticable to me - screenshot taken from 42:59.

By itself, this is totally negligible. But I think when taken with the opening monologue (which heavily implies that the doctor finds out the cloaked woman's identity - "As for the mother, she was never seen again. No one ever knew her name, until that night a time traveller came to call. A traveller known as the Doctor."), there is possible evidence here that the doctor came to this moment twice. Once in the sequence of events as we see them, rescuing Ruby from the goblins, and once where... something else happened.

Second: The Layout of The Church

We get a few aerial shots of the church when the camera is showing the ascent of the ship, and a lovely wide shot as the doctor decides to not follow the cloaked woman (taken from 46:28 and 44:07).

The most important thing I want to point out is the way the hedge path curves to the right in the direction the doctor and the cloaked lady are facing. You can only really see it in that one shot (so I hope it's not a lens effect!). The aerial shot helps clarify that nothing is obstructing either of the character's view of the church.

We can also see that in this iteration of their encounter, the cloaked woman is standing a little bit to the right of the doctor (thanks to the curved path).

Third: The Timing

The only real indication of how much real time is passing in each scene is the clock striking midnight. So, when does that happen?

In the opening sequence, the clock strikes midnight after the man from the church has found Ruby and picked her up. We then see the woman relatively far down the road that we can see in that above screenshot, and THEN we see the TARDIS apparate and the Doctor appear.

In the goblin sequence, the woman is already far down the road well before it hits midnight, as the doctor sees her walking away before he runs to save baby ruby. Obviously time moves slower than usual in TV actions scenes, but that's not all - we see the clock strike midnight before the man from the church picks Ruby up.

Furthermore, the woman has... barely moved at all in those few minutes. Screenshots from 43:00 and then 46:45.

Okay, that should be all the relevant information from TCORR. Now to get to that point!

Fourth: The Point

This is where things go off the fucking rails. Here's our orienting shots for the Point.

Just to compare the positions of the doctor's shot here, here's the last shot we have of him looking at the lady in TCORR:

While this could just be a fancy camera angle, I think the Doctor is standing more to (his) left of the TARDIS than in this above shot. AKA: he's standing more to the left than she is. That emphasises that, if the woman was to be pointing at him when she turns around, she should be pointing to her right.

But I don't think she is -- especially in that wide shot, her arm looks like it's going wide. It's going more to the left than it should be. If RTD hadn't explicitly said the 'who's pointing at who' was significant, I would be fine with accepting that she's pointing at the doctor -- especially since that's how the doctor reads it.

And if we go back to the layout of the church, the things she could be pointing at are, in order of exactly how far to the left she'd have to point:

something just behind the doctor (would explain how close the point is to him)

the path up to the church

the clock tower

ruby/the baby

Regardless of where she's pointing, I think the implication is that there's someone else at the scene, doing something that the doctor didn't notice (perhaps due to his own bias with mother figures).

Wild Speculation:

Now, what do I think this means? Honestly, no idea LOL. It's still all just vague enough it could go in fifty different directions. But we know for sure that the moment where Ruby Sunday was left at the church is a moment in flux, thanks to the the Doctor's memory changing + the song in the background being different in Devil's Chord.

Part of me wonders if there's something (someone?) hiding inside that memory/moment in time? Like how Thirteen hid her companions inside their own time stream to try and buy time away from the swarm guys? It would explain the Maestro's reaction -- 'he couldn't have been there[...] on the night of her birth' -- in the devil's chord, the young boy is a harbinger. Maybe ruby is the harbinger of something too? That could also explain why it started snowing in the TARDIS after 15 scanned her -- the same thing happened when Maestro started trying to pull out her song.

Then if you go with the changeling angle, it's entirely possible we're about to get a shell game with babies 2: electric boogaloo (thanks russel for saying we should rewatch a good man goes to war, i'll never sleep again 👍). Maybe while the doctor's too busy watching the cloaked woman, someone else is intervening, switching her baby for ruby? Or doing something To her baby that explains why ruby is so... wrong, for lack of a better word?

Also, looking between the opening sequence vs the goblin sequence timing, we have several minutes where the cloaked woman is totally unaccounted for in the latter, as well as an entire interaction between her and the doctor that... didn't happen? Or did happen, but was forgotten? Unwritten? Rewritten? Etc.?

If I had to make a bet (and let's be honest, what else are we doing while theorising LOL), I'd say that something about that night has been memory-holed out of existence. Possibly a doomed timeline that righted itself, ala 73 yards, but left just enough trace that the people involved know something happened (ruby knows she's been to wales three times before, the doctor knows he was pointed at).

I think it was triggered when the lady and the doctor got too close to each other (did she hear that the goblin ship was taking her baby? did she turn around and see something she otherwise would have missed?), and realised something about each other (or ruby?) that needed to stay dormant. the cold opening implies the doctor learns her name, and since there don't appear to be any time of the angels sneaky outfit change moments, i can only assume it happened here, somewhere in this memory.

And hell, in for a penny in for a pound, maybe it all got undone (retconned, in universe, in real time), because the Doctor shouldn't learn about the cloaked woman until the finale? Spoilers? In TV meta, did the director tell all the other actors (the church man + the cloaked lady) to hold in place until the doctor was back in position?

[Final note, regarding the continuity error I noted first up, in TV shows with ad breaks factored in -- brief fades to black at dramatic moments, then the last ten seconds play again to remind the audience what's happening -- sometimes directors would use different takes for before and after the ad break. Maybe that's the explanation for the tear -- in universe, that cold open stopped in its tracks the moment the opening was cued to play. It then started again with a doctor who had last cried several minutes ago, and the scene played out as intended.]

Anyway fellow 'the mistakes are in there on purpose' believers how are we FEELING!!!!!

[whoishotteranimepolls]

oh lord here we fucking go. a defense of roronoa zoro, canon "stinky" swordsman:

it's about the complete, utter, fierce devotion. this man is the ride-or-die that can't die

that jaw is trained. that mouth is trained. that tongue is trained. i'm gonna spare further detail but i'm already in horny jail as i type, i know it and i'm going willingly

110cm

he bathes once a week NOW, but out of literally everything that could be worked on in a relationship, that's the deal-breaker? not the fact that someone, i dunno, abuses/shackles their child or is a murderer that works for the government, but the bath? (i'm sorry about the brothers thing, that must suck, but for real?)

as others have pointed out, tolerance for body odor varies (as does the production of b.o. in general, i knew people who could hit the gym and without any smell at all so honestly who knows where he lies on the scale)

you could actually make an argument that zoro bathes once weekly on purpose. hear me out: water has to be brought on board and is obviously needed for stuff like cleaning and cooking first, then nami and robin's baths, sanji's, chopper's and usopp's. franky might need water for steam powered something-or-others too, who knows. regardless, all of those are things that zoro would prioritize over himself taking a bath every day (or twice a week, or however often), especially if he knows he's gonna be working out again as soon as he's awake. what's the point? he keeps odd sleep hours (4-7am) and mostly naps on the deck in the open air, so he's probably not actually stinking up the boys' room as much as you'd think, and it's the type of thing he'd do to decide that a little inconvenience (him being sweaty or stinky) is worth the trade-off of quietly allowing the other things on the ship that are needed to happen more smoothly and easily.

he's insanely protective. he's strong. he will work as hard as needed (and harder) to make sure whatever needs to get done gets done. once again, he is HYPERLOYAL. he's adorable. he thinks that north is up. he tarzan yells while swinging from ropes. he hates chocolate and drinks alcohol like he doesn't even have a liver. he took on a hundred bounty hunters by himself. he's covered in blood more often than not. he's only cried like three times in his life and they were all about making promises for the future. "nothing happened." he flips from feral creature to absolute dumbass in 0.01 sec. he kept track of the order his shipmates arrived back at sabaody for no reason except to tease them about it and is canonically good at math. he gets flung around by his captain like a sack of grain. i'm sorry but for me there's nothing not to love, zoro is hotness incarnate (fungus or not)

Someone was actually able to defend Zoro, and it's not. Don't worry, he doesn't know what the fourth sword style is, or I'd get Franky to invent a power washer. I'm impressed

For context, they're responding to Zoro's Defend your Blorbo post linked here

[cattimeswithjellie]

Stream Recap, ImpulseSV, 6/12/24

((If you caught the excerpt from this I posted last night, you may be ready for the wildness that is this stream recap. I started out expecting a build stream and wound up recapping a Hermit social gathering for two hours, lol. It's all right though, because it was very, very funny.))

2:55 Impulse opens the stream on studio view. He asks if his streaming setup still works and jokes he needs to get the dust off it. He shares that he has been gone because he’s been sick, and decides he should probably just start tacking a few extra sick days onto the end of each vacation because it happens every time. (Except in Michigan, Chat points out.) Chat tells him his voice sounds better now than in the video. He says he’ll see how he feels as the stream goes on. He talks a little about PixelPulse Valley, how he named it because he likes being in the valley in Phoenix and likes valleys in general. Chat makes a joke about valley girls. Impulse has been sick almost a whole week and it is gross, especially since he’s had to travel.

6:00 Impulse shouts out to Noah in chat, who is someone he met in person on the cruise ship. Apparently there were several Impulse-in-the-wild spottings on this trip. He thanks subs and donos. He reminds chat that a Big Video came out today, one that he’s been waiting to show for awhile. He finally gets to tell the story of PixelPulse Valley and its battle with the AIs, and the basics of what the game is going to be like. Impulse doesn’t want to go too deep here because he doesn’t want to spoil the video, but he will be working on some stuff in the city. He suggests that maybe chatters might want to catch at least part of the video before joining the stream. Today he’ll be working on the secret tunnel and hopes for a normal-length stream. Chat sings the SECRET TUNNEL song.

9:50 Chat is worried about Impulse staying hydrated. He assures Chat he has been triple-fisting coffee, juice and water. Chat is unsure about the phrasing but happy that Impulse is getting enough to drink. It is impossible to bother Skizz during stream today because Skizz is at work, and when he gets home from work they are going to record the podcast.

11:00 Impulse shows off his new redstone door. He apologizes to RKF Walter, whose name he messed up while crediting him for the door design. It is a beautiful door design and opens to an exploding flight rocket. He drops down the escape hole and shows Chat the Secret Tunnel. He says he’s gotten lots of good suggestions in the video comments already for different ambiance touches. He is not sure yet what he’s going to change, if anything. He shows off how covering a pearlescent froglight with a trapdoor turns the light pure white.

14:10 Impulse highlights the wall lights. He is happy because there are not many chances for subtle design touches that are only a few pixels tall in Minecraft. He contemplates how he’s going to mute when he inevitably starts coughing. He reveals that his favorite DCI team is Impulse, of course. It’s where all his branding came from! (Blue Devils is also good). DCI is Drum Corps International, professional marching band with no woodwinds. He toured the country for a whole summer with the Impulse team back in the day. Chat is excited about this Impulse Lore. Impulse’s girlfriend back in the day (not his wife now) was a clarinet player, but she played cymbals on the drumline.

18:00 Impulse notices that all the trapdoors have completely oxidized and wonders who has been keeping it loaded. Probably Joel, he concludes as he cleans and waxes them. Chat suggests it might also be people coming by to use the XP bank. Impulse agrees that the XP bank is popular, way more popular than he and Skizz anticipated. He may have to put in some more at other Hermits’ bases, just to lighten the load on Bop n’ Go. Chat suggests putting XP banks inside the volcano once it is hollowed out. He likes that plan.

21:00 Chat asks if Impulse saw Tango’s video that had the naturally volcano-shaped Magic Mountain clone. Impulse didn’t see it. Chat asks what he plans to do about the slime chunk in the tunnel. Impulse does not know. He doesn’t want to put carpet in. He’s not too worried because big slimes are unlikely to spawn, and he doesn’t want to slab it and change the tunnel shape. He’ll wait and see how bad it is. He decides to start the next segment of tunnel with the bottom wall edges and gathers his supplies.

23:40 It was easier to record video sick than to stream sick, because he could gather energy for short bursts of talking. Chat asks for advice on visiting DCI events. Impulse says check out the vendors to find cool music supplies, and also bring lots of sunscreen. He does not have enough cyan terracotta. He considers whether anyone sells terracotta, then remembers he’s not buying from Big T. He begins laying out his pattern. Ren messages in chat that he needs Impulse’s brain. Impulse doesn’t promise his brain is working, but goes to find Ren at his base. As he flies, Impulse talks about playing Wordle at Pearl’s yesterday and how he struggled because his brain was foggy. He likes Wordle but he did not do well. ((It did take Impulse more than 20 minutes to solve the puzzle at Dyeductions on Pearl’s 6/11 stream, compared to 10 minutes for Skizz.))

26:30 He touches down at Ren’s base and asks where Ren is, Ren tells him he must come into the truck. Impulse asks if he should be recording. Ren says he can if he wants, and he probably should too. They both reveal that they are streaming. Impulse tries to find his way into the truck with little success. Ren directs him to the door on top and describes the lever. Impulse finds the lever but it doesn’t work. They are having some audio issues due to Ren’s setup. Impulse plasters himself against the front windshield and breaks into the truck, to Ren’s great consternation. Impulse replaces the broken glass and assures Ren he is a certified repair technician. Ren accepts this and moves on.

29:00 Ren tells Impulse he needs his brain, then uses the classic girlfriend tactic of telling Impulse he’s been waiting for him to notice something. Impulse is immediately on the back foot and tries to fall back on the defense of having been gone. He guesses that Ren has a new outfit, which is true. Ren demands that Impulse look at him. Ren has a new skin on, including a spacesuit and a face that Chat thinks is very similar to Beef’s (which is true.) He has a beard and everything. Impulse says the outfit reminds him of Terra Swoop Force at MCC. Ren admits that is true. He says his chat thinks the glasses are too much. Impulse’s Chat thinks they’re great. Impulse and Ren both take off their glasses. Impulse has no eyebrows without the glasses. He says he plucks his eyebrows when he gets nervous and it’s been a rough week. Ren puts the glasses and beard back on, and shows off the handsome touches of gray in his hair. They talk about getting IRL haircuts. Ren is going back to facecam streaming and told his barber he needed a good haircut for an important meeting. He wanted a side shave, but his barber told him his head is too large for a side shave. Impulse thinks Ren has a nice head and hopes the barber didn’t hurt his feelings. Ren says the barber did a good job. Big-headed folk in chat commiserate with Ren.

33:30 Ren says he listens to the advice of professionals about how he looks, because he has no understanding of fashion or how he is supposed to look. Impulse admits he hasn’t got Ren’s stream up and can’t see how he looks, Ren admits that he hasn’t dared to turn the facecam on yet. Ren compliments how nice Impulse looks every time he streams and thinks it must take him a long time to get ready, but Impulse denies that. He does his hair once a week, puts glue in it, and is careful about how he sleeps. His wife is the closest thing to a stylist he has. She cut his hair for him for a long time. Ren talks about the value in learning a single hairstyle by muscle memory and doing it exactly the same everyday forever. Impulse agrees and tells a story about his vacation, where he couldn’t take his regular hair product. His hair was a mess his whole trip. Ren is very sympathetic. Chat thinks Impulse has bougie hair.

37:30 Ren is jealous because Impulse has a nicely-shaped head and can shave his hair off. Ren’s head is weird-shaped at the back and he has a mole, so he would look terrible if he shaved his head. He asks Impulse if he’d ever wear a toupee if he started going bald. Impulse says his dad is 70 and has a full head of hair, but he doesn’t think he’d be a combover guy. He’d probably do some kind of filler. Hopefully by that time there will be a pill or cream to grow hair. Chat is telling Impulse that the baldness gene comes down on the maternal side. Impulse reassures them that his mom also has hair. Ren says his mom is a Yeti, with very thick hair. Chat reminds Impulse that Rogaine is a thing. Ren shows off his boots, Impulse is impressed. He tells Ren that his Lore dropped today, and that it’s going to tickle Ren in all the right places. Ren is eager to see it. Impulse did make a mistake by tackling the biggest, hardest game first, and it is taking forever. Ren thinks maybe that was the right way to go, since it will regulate the size and speed of the other games.

41:00 Ren suddenly detects an INTRUDER at the truck. He shows Impulse where the actual door is and shoots a rocket at Pearl, who is standing just outside. She makes an indignant noise. Ren tells her that the oxygen out there is poisonous and full of spores, so she jumps down inside and asks Ren if he stream sniped her. Impulse also wants to know how Ren spotted Pearl. Ren says he saw the nametag through the ceiling. Pearl immediately compliments Ren on his new look. Impulse is chagrined at her superior powers of perception. He says this happens in real life with his wife too. Ren sits in the cockpit with Pearl and tells Pearl the whole embarrassing story of Impulse’s visit.

43:00 Pearl points out that she is good at seeing details, that she noticed right away that Iskall had a haircut earlier in the season. “Iskall had a haircut?” Ren asks. Pearl describes Iskall’s haircut test. Ren says there’s something different about Pearl too. Impulse says she looks older. They sing Happy Birthday to her while chasing her through the truck while she flees. She is embarrassed but thanks them. She asks Impulse for a thing. He doesn’t understand for a minute, but Chat does and helps out. Impulse provides the Birthday You-Yo. Chat celebrates. Pearl tells him he sounds better today than he did yesterday. They talk about getting sick on vacation and at cons. Pearl digs around in Ren’s shulker boxes. Ren objects, not very strenuously, and she tells him it’s her job. They point out it’s not the job of the postmaster to clean up messes, and the Cleaning Lady was Season 9. Apparently once a Cleaning Lady, always a Cleaning Lady.

46:00 Impulse asks if they have the shulker mod that shows what’s in the boxes. They do not. Impulse explains his retexture woes anyway. Someone drops a cake into the truck through the door for Pearl. Pearl suspects it was False. She sets down the cake just in time for Invisible False to pearl into the truck. Impulse and False give Pearl birthday punches, or False does while Impulse fails to punch. He blames his short arms. Ren comes back and puts a single candle on the cake and they all wish Pearl a happy first birthday. She says she doesn’t feel so old now. Pearl is not hungry enough to eat, so Ren and False give her more birthday punches. Birthday punches are not very effective when someone is wearing netherite armor. “Punch harder!” Pearl yells as she removes her netherite. Ren “punches” her with an axe. “Not that hard, not that hard!” she corrects, running away. She makes a wish and knocks the candle off the cake, then eats a bit. Ren asks what she wished, but she won’t tell or it won’t come true. He realizes that’s been his mistake all along.

49:00 Pearl eats most of the cake, then offers her friends a slice. Ren sets himself on fire to be hungry enough to eat. This alarms his friends. He finishes off the cake. They discuss the awkward IRL situation of one slice of cake left on the plate. None of them will eat it unless no one is watching and the party is nearly over. Ren asks if Pearl’s had a good birthday so far, but she points out that it is 2:48 in the morning, Pearl time, so there has not been much birthday yet. Ren asks if she has had cake anyway. Pearl says she doesn’t have a cake yet. She asks if they know that heated mousepads exist. False wants one immediately, Impulse wants the exact opposite of that. He tells them that the high in Phoenix today is 43 degrees Celsius (109 F). Nobody likes that. Chat is horrified. Pearl says no wonder he got sick, with that temperature change. Apparently it was 6 degrees in Alaska. (43 F) False said it was 15 (59 F) today in the UK. Ren has been keeping his eye on the prize and is still upset that Pearl doesn’t have IRL cake. Pearl promises that she’s going to have dinner with her family and she’ll get cake then, and she also had a strawberry doughnut.

54:10 There have been lots of Hermit birthdays recently. False and Gem both had birthdays recently, and someone else that they can’t remember. Chat knows it was Skizz. Pearl remembers Skizz, and Cleo as well. Ren thinks next year they need a birthday hall for the month of June. Pearl and False think about horoscope-themed buildings, with a really big one for Gemini. Ren thinks there’s another big batch in October, but it’s really just him. Chat points out that Geminis are born entertainers. Ren claims Bdubs as an October birthday. He reminisces about turning False’s base into a cake way, way back in Season 4. Pearl points out that as of today, the minimum Hermit age is 28. They are all getting old. Ren says they need a special celebration for when the minimum age hits 30. Impulse agrees and says they can hand out walkers to everyone. Ren suggests ear trumpets as well, while False suggests giant keyboards.

59:00 Impulse doesn’t realize how they got back to this topic when he and Ren were just talking earlier about losing their hair. False said she was listening, and educates Impulse on the existence of little tubs one can put one’s hair gel into for traveling. It takes Impulse a minute, but he figures out what she’s talking about. He says that’s a lot of work. False tells Pearl she’s a bit concerned for these guys. Pearl agrees and says they need Bdubs the hairdresser. False tries to sell them on the beneifts of long hair, but Pearl reminds her that it took her an entire day to find a bottle of hairspray in Michigan. Impulse fondly remembers the days when he used to shave his head so he wouldn’t have to do anything with it. He reiterates his story about only styling his hair once a week and using glue. False and Pearl are disgusted. He admits that is a slight exaggeration. Pearl suggests Impulse has a Lego haircut. Ren thinks Impulse just sleeps in the chair in his office and has his wife wake him up to stream. Pearl says this is why not having a facecam is the best option. Ren seems like he might be reconsidering his decision to facecam.

1:02:20 False starts teasing Ren about not uploading his VODs. Ren protests that he managed to upload a VOD just today. Impulse brags that it’s easy when you have two copies of OBS. The others are skeptical of this solution. False says no wonder it’s 40 degrees there, Impulse’s computer is on fire. Ren admires the teleprompter setup in Impulse’s office. Impulse says he likes it because staring at Chat makes them uncomfortable. Chat agrees. False stares deep into Chat’s eyes on all three streamers’ channels. They talk a little more about streaming setups. Ren declares Impulse the “smorterest” of the streamers. Impulse admits he needs to run an entire tech checklist to go live.

1:05:30 With all other conversational topics exhausted, the group decides to talk about food. Pearl is baffled that Impulse and Ren don’t like jam doughnuts. Ren clarifies that he doesn’t dislike jam doughnuts. Impulse says he doesn’t like being surprised by, like, banana doughnuts. Ren agrees and adds lime as a possibility. Pearl is horrified and says they need better doughnuts. Ren really wants to try an American Cinnabon. False tries to tell him they have Cinnabon in the UK. “Not like that,” Ren tells her. Pearl asks if any of them tried the salt doughnuts in Michigan. False and Impulse say no, Pearl says it was “really interesting” and “oddly enjoyable.” She recommends them, especially with the chicken salt she brought along. Ren is confused at “chicken salt on a doughnut.” Chat is confused by “chicken salt.” False says she’s going to salt a doughnut and complain to Pearl when it tastes bad. Pearl sputters for a minute, then demands to know whether any of them thought she was actually serious about salt doughnuts. Ren says she’s Australian, and Australians eat weird stuff. It seemed plausible. Pearl tells them she’s just Mission Possible’d all of them, that her mission was to convince them all that she’d already told them a story about something and that they’d just forgotten. Ren congratulates her, Impulse feels violated. Ren and chat are still hung up on the chicken salt thing. Pearl wonders suddenly if maybe she did it wrong, because she actually convinced them they were there for the story happening, not that they’d heard it before. They agree it counts.

1:11:00 False is a little sad that she can’t have a salted doughnut. Pearl demands to know how they can hate Vegemite and want salted doughnuts. False says Vegemite is too fishy. Pearl is mortally insulted. Impulse confirms it was Marmite and not Vegemite on the wings in Michigan. Vegemite and Marmite are similar but not the same. Ren asks if he really has to go all the way to Australia to taste Vegemite. Pearl slaps him and tells him if he actually comes to an event, she will bring him Vegemite. Impulse shills TwitchCon San Diego but Ren demurs, saying he can’t afford it. San Diego is very expensive. Pearl understands, she spent 5 grand for 5 days in Michigan. False says she might be out too, then. Impulse invites them all to stay with him and they’ll make the six hour drive each day to the con. Ren asks how much it costs to get one of those Scarbots to roll around the convention. Pearl says that if any of them want to come to Australia, they can stay at her place. Ren has family in Australia. They discuss Vegemite some more. Impulse didn’t like it on first bite, but sort of got the idea of why people might like it after a few bites. More Vegemite talk. Impulse sidebars to chat that he has no idea what he is doing, and that he has a tunnel to build. Chat assures him that they are happy and he should stay.

1:18:00 Ren mentions black pudding. Impulse asks the group what’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten. Pearl says cow’s tongue. Impulse says he once went to a fancy restaurant in French Polynesia and didn’t know what he was eating. Later he looked it up and saw it was duck liver. It was really good. False admits she doesn’t know if she has a good answer for this question. Vegemite, she decides. Pearl smacks her. Ren says he likes everything he’s eaten except oysters, but the weirdest thing he’s eaten was a Mopane Worm in South Africa, a big caterpillar that gets deep fried. Pearl asks if they tasted like chicken, he says they taste like peanuts with an earthy aftertaste that is not nice. Impulse pushes False for a better answer; she says she almost ate crocodile once but the kitchen was closed. She says she once ate a weird fruit with a bad smell, she thinks it was durian. But also Vegemite. Pearl smacks her again. Chat is vouching for durian: smells bad, tastes great. Impulse says escargot is pretty good, mushroomy. Ren says escargot also has an earthy aftertaste, and the others begin teasing him about why everything tastes like dirt to him. Ren asks if none of them ate dirt as children. Pearl says she once ate a daisy. She decides to change her answer for “weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten.”

1:22:45 Pearl decides to get her Mission Possible book to make sure everyone agrees she succeeded the task. She blasts out the roof of the truck. Impulse decides to investigate the door to try and figure out why the lever didn’t work for him when he tried it. He clicks the lever and the door opens. He hits it again and the door closes, just in time for Ren to smash his head into it and visually clip through the roof. Chat is deeply amused. False and Ren are impressed on the timing of that. False realizes that if someone clicks the lever from inside, the lever outside doesn’t work. Ren is ashamed of his terrible redstone, but False says it’s good to have a door lock he can activate from inside. Impulse is just happy to know that he wasn’t the crazy one, even if he was the one who broke in through the windshield. He and False examine the decorations of the roof. Impulse is disappointed to know that they are still polluting the planet in the futuristic future.

1:25:00 Pearl returns and reads her task to the group. They agree that she completed the task in a way that is even better than was asked for, since she convinced Impulse that he was actually present for the story that never happened. They all fly to MP HQ to watch Pearl spin. False tells them that Skizz broke the machine when he spun, so she didn’t get anything on her spin. But it’s fixed now. Pearl collects her token and spins the wheel. She gets the Sword, which is a hat that looks like she’s got a diamond sword stuck in her head. The others pretend to pull it out. Impulse makes a Sword in the Stone joke. Ren says that Pearl’s brain is too dense to get the sword out. Pearl smacks him, but Impulse tries to convince her it’s a compliment. She is skeptical, but Ren is all in.

1:28:40 Grian logs in, tells everyone in chat “Just so you know, I’m off to play badminton,” then logs out. They decide that this is a clear case of FOMO. Impulse asks if that’s the game with the birdie. False scoffs and corrects “Shuttlecock.” Pearl confirms he’s thinking of the right game. They talk about Badminton for a few minutes. Impulse says that badminton is not really a thing in America; they play pickleball instead. Everyone is baffled. He tries to explain it. Pearl asks if it’s the game with the long stick and a tiny racket on the end ((possibly lacrosse?)) Impulse says no, but that’s it’s very popular. Ren says it’s a ridiculous name and needs to be changed. Impulse demands to know how they can call something a shuttlecock and think they have the high ground for naming anything. Ren says it’s just mini tennis. He has an idea. Hermitcraft table tennis Olympics, five day round-robin event. They’d sell out a stadium. False and Pearl are deeply skeptical. Impulse thinks they should play basketball. Doc and Mumbo against each other, Impulse vs. Bdubs, etc. Pearl says she wants to play against Skizz. Impulse is very into this idea now. Ren asks diffidently what the rules are. Impulse assures him it’s just regular street ball. Ren has never played basketball. He played NBA Jam on Sega. He asks if he’s allowed to SuperDunk. False and Pearl discuss Dodgeball. Ren wants to play Pool, so nobody gets hot and sweaty. False suggests Bowls. Ren and Pearl are very enthusiastic about the idea. Impulse is baffled. “Are you saying balls?” he asks. “BOWLS,” Ren corrects hastily. Chat is amused. Ren tells False she can never call him inappropriate again. She slaps him a couple times and calls him the guy who’s never played basketball instead.

1:35:40 Ren explains bowls to Impulse, taking exquisite care to pronounce “BOWLS” each time. Chat tells Impulse it’s bocce ball. Pearl also experience pronunciation problems with bowls. Ren asks if they’ve ever played croquet, everyone says they have. Ren excitedly suggests to Pearl that they could play cricket. Impulse is not sure how it’s played, Pearl and False tell him it’s like rounders and wickets, which is unhelpful. Impulse starts feeling like he’s in a fever dream. Pearl goes to get her new mission, but she’s not going to read it out loud. False gets a mission too. Ren already has a mission. Impulse steps up to get a mission, but the game is empty. It’s very disappointing. Ren thinks this might be an excellent opportunity to do his mission. Impulse asks if it was Ren’s mission to get him to say “balls,” because if so, he won. Ren asks if the missions all have to be secret. False says most of them are all “do something or say something without the person knowing.” She says Ren could never be a good secret agent.

1:40:30 Pearl’s chat is begging her to ask Ren and False to play Wordle. Impulse thinks it’s a great idea. False demands that Ren close his chat so they don’t cheat for him. Impulse asks Chat if they want to go watch. Chat very much wants to watch. Impulse played yesterday and already knows the word, but he was not streaming so Chat will only know the word if they watched Pearl’s stream (or read the exhaustive recap.) Pearl takes them all down into the basement, where she has been building the locker room to hold inventories. False asks if a locker room means they’re going to die. Pearl says she hasn’t installed that yet. She cleans up a little buit while False and Ren read the rules and empty their inventories. Impulse turns off his facecam and goes to have a bio break while Pearl, Ren and False entertain the chat.

1:43:00 Pearl explains the game to False and Ren. It’s very much like Wordle, but there are no repeated letters and all the letter tiles are named dyes and flowers. Impulse comes back and watches along with Chat. False and Ren try to decide a starter word. Ren tries to think of a five letter word that is just vowels. He decides to play “BEAUT” and Pearl agrees this is a word because she is Australian. He gets one letter, in the wrong place.

1:48:00 Time for Round 2. Ren thinks there are eight vowels. He gets straighened out and decides he needs a word with I and O. He decides on “OINKS.” Pearl says that’s okay, so long as he doesn’t mind sacrificing a choice. Ollie Orionsound raids into the stream. Ollie’s chat tells Impulse he was playing Among Us, Impulse is very excited. He misses Among Us so much and wants to play it again. Ollie says he will let Impulse know if they run it back Ren gets one letter in the right place.

1:52:00 Ren tries to think of a third word. Pearl tells False she’ll switch the word after Ren plays so False gets a good play too. False says no thank you. She suggests to Ren that he might do well with a pen and paper. Impulse tells Chat he knows this stream is a bit scuffed, but he’s been gone and he missed his friends. He will get back to building soon. Chat is not actually in any hurry to get back to building. Ren plays “FILED” and gets none correct. Pearl realizes that he should have gotten some right and asks if the game has broken for the first time. She is worried until Ren realizes that although he showed off his guess on the item frames, he did not actually feed his guess into the game. He wasted a guess by not putting in any letters. He places the letters into the hoppers and runs the word again. Three letters lock into place, the other two are correct and in the wrong place.

1:55:30 Ren realizes there is literally only one option given the board state and plays “FIELD.” He gets the win condition. Everyone cheers! Ren tells Impulse he could’ve given him a hint that he had the letters reversed. Pearl admits she laughed when Ren decided to play Filed and not Field. Ren cleans up the supplies and puts them away, then resets the game. False definitely does not want to play, but she thinks the game is great. They discuss Wordle strategy and starter words. Impulse uses TRACE or SOUND for most of his starters, Ren thinks ADEIU would be good to get the vowels out. Pearl debates options for getting the last missing letters into the game. The game can handle the whole alphabet, but she doesn’t have enough dyes for every consonant without retexturing.

2:01:50 Pearl asks if Ren got a prize. He says yes, it had flowers and dyes. She says yes, that’s what they all have. Ren was not paying attention and makes Pearl rehash the “Why not all the letters” discussion. False suggests retexturing new, fake dyes. Pearl is ambivalent. Everyone is very impressed by Pearl’s work making the game. Impulse says she’s definitely a redstoner now, and he likes how she left it visible under the copper grates. Pearl tells Ren about the randomizer she spent four hours building yesterday, just to make sure nobody could get any hints. Other than tiny tweaks, the game is fully done and tested. Ren says there’s one thing missing: an ender chest. If hermits are going to pay, they need a chest! Impulse takes advantage of the new chest to play some horns. Pearl is going to put up a leaderboard with books so Hermits can keep track of their own streaks. Ren says Impulse is going to dominate because he plays so much Wordle. False says they need to let the old folks win some games. Ren suggests a timed version of the game, much to Impulse and False’s horror. Impulse wants a version where he can make a guess, go build for awhile, come back and guess again, etc. Pearl will make the game harder if everybody wins all the time. Ren suggests a hard mode to the game. Pearl thinks it’s doable, except it will take a _lot_ of work. Impulse feels her redstoner pain. Ren suggests an ultra-hard-mode that is just Pearl singing a countdown song and saying random words the entire time.

A suggestion about playing “BALLS” as the guess leads to an explanation of why there cannot be double letters. Ren suggests audio recording of various useful information to appear at different times in the game, like Xisuma’s TCG setup in Season 9. They brainstorm ways this could work.

2:17:00 Pearl does a little troubleshooting of the system and plays the fail sounds so they can hear it. It’s very funny. False says she should make the losers feel worse. Pearl points out that anyone who fails can pay another diamond to try again. Ren and Pearl are ending their streams, but Impulse has only placed about seven blocks today and needs to get some work done. He realizes he never did figure out what Ren wanted his brain for. Ren admits he just wanted to show off his new skin. False examines the new skin and points out the shape on the back. There is an arrow pointing to Ren’s butt. Impulse makes a suggestion that might be more risque than he intended. Chat is very amused. Pearl and False think Ren’s new skin without the glasses look like Beef, XB and Sausage. Impulse says he’s a meat lover’s pizza, a little Beef and a little Sausage. Ren says the skin will not have a tail because while he wants to be a dog, he doesn’t want to be a furry. There is a brief conversation about whether the coccyx counts as a tail. Ren decides to flee.

2:22:20 Impulse decides to head home. He says hello again to chat. This stream was supposed to be super-productive and he wants to get at least something done today. He drops back into the tunnel and sings the Secret Tunnel song, then tells Chat about the tunnel lore. He places five blocks and gets attacked by a baby zombie. He gathers more torches to light up the nearby caves. He says they may change the name of the city to DoublePulse valley, after him and Bdubs both. Neither of them are written into the story, but the city can still be named after them.

2:26:00 Impulse notes that he got so distracted that his Spotify finished the stream-safe playlist and went on to play other music. This VOD may not be monetizable. Ren raids into the stream. Impulse places one row of blocks, then starts talking to chat. A chatter asks how he feels about ducks. He is good with ducks. A chatter tells him to Google Bulk Bronson, a wrestler who looks like Impulse. Impulse can see it a little bit. He places some more blocks and talks about his vacation. 15 days ago he went to Seattle with his whole family, spent a couple days there, then went on an Alaskan cruise.

2:30:00 Impulse talks about vacation. The first day they went to the space needle and, on Scar’s recommendation, the MoPOP Museum. Everyone was wearing Pearl Jam shirts, and he didn’t realize why until later when he learned there was a Pearl Jam concert that same night, in walking distance of the hotel. He debated paying scalper prices to go to the concert, but then didn’t. He regretted not doing it. They went on the glass floor of the Space Needle. Impulse is afraid of heights so it was a little intense. Impulse didn’t get a chance to meet up with Scar or Fwhip while he was in town. Pike’s Place Fish Market was a disappointment, they do not throw the fish anymore.

2:37:10 A skeleton attacks Impulse, he tracks down where it came from to mobproof. At the hotel bar on the first night in Seattle, one of the bartenders asked Impulse if he was a gaming YouTuber. The bartender said the front desk guy recognized him. This was funny because Impulse was talking on the podcast the other week about how he never got noticed outside of cons. The cruise left on a Friday morning, headed for Alaska. It was a nice ship, a big ship, with an overwhelming amount of food. After the first couple of nights he felt sick from too much food and they stopped doing reserved dinner. There was a lot of food.

2:40:50 It took the ship two days at sea to reach Alaska. On those days, they found activities on the ship. There was a volleyball competition with one group of very skilled players who dominated everyone. Impulse’s youngest daughter plays volleyball and was very into it, so they went to watch. A guy at the tournament recognized Impulse and asked if he was Impulse. (That was Noah from the beginning of the stream.) Later they were going around the ship and there was a thing where they hide ducks on the ship. Kids can look for the ducks. Impulse’s daughter was looking for ducks, walking every level of the ship, every nook and cranny. It was a big walk. They went into a music hall to re-hide a duck she found, and while they were in there a kid approached Impulse and asked if he was Impulse. That was Colin from Tennessee, and he was very polite. Impulse’s daughter is 12 and now she thinks her dad is famous. Chat thinks Impulse is famous too. Another day went by on the cruise. Impulse and his family were going home from the pool, waiting for the elevator. Cruise ship elevators are slow, so eventually they decided to take the stairs. They went down four flights, and Impulse heard a little commotion of girls giggling above them. A woman stuck her head over the banister and asked “Are you a YouTuber? My daughters want to know.” Impulse was like “Yup.” So he met a mom and a couple of teens in the stairwell and took a picture. Impulse’s wife did not know what to do. She heard them yell “Impulse” at the top of the stairs, but she didn’t stop. It was maybe a little weird for her. Impulse’s daughter thought it was the best, though. Impulse suspects it might be because he was wearing his Life Series hoodie. He decided to stop wearing it, but his daughter put it on instead. Getting noticed was pretty fun, overall.

2:50:00 The cruise went to Sitka, a cool small town in Alaska. They had great fish and chips. Impulse pauses to consider the next steps of building. He’s actually making pretty good progress now. In Alaska they saw some whales, though not close up. The weather was cold but otherwise great, no rain. After Sitka they went to Skagway, but Impulse doesn’t remember what they did. He thinks they took a cool train ride. He is out of smooth slabs and leaves the tunnel to cook some rocks back at his base. Skagway had some interesting food, but it was good. Impulse was eating basically one big meal a day, but it was always good. The ship went to Juneau next, where they went on a dogsledding tour. They didn’t do the helicopter glacier tour because it was wildly expensive.

2:54:20 Impulse is caught up in his story and shoves his buckets of lava into the Smithing Input barrel. Chat informs him of this fact instantly, but he doesn’t catch it right away. “Nooo!” he cries when he notices it. He dives into the redstone and falls down a hole before escaping and climbing up into the smelter. He needs to stop the smelter from smelting itself. He mostly succeeds. He shows Chat some pictures from the dogsledding tour. There was no snow when they visited, so the dogs in the photo are pulling a wheeled cart. They look like very good doggos. After the cart ride, they got to meet the puppies. There is a picture of Impulse with a large and fluffy puppy, looking about as happy as he can be. Chat is charmed. Impulse says the puppy was very heavy and so cute.

2:58:00 The ship went past Dawes glacier. Glaciers are cool, and they got very close. Impulse talks about what glaciers are made of and shows a picture of a blue glacier. He gets a large dono and a nice message from a disabled vet starting his own channel. Impulse is touched and wishes him luck. He reads some other donos and subs. He talks again about going from 8C to 43C, but admits he got sick before they even got back, so it probably wasn’t the temperature. He did his best to wash his hands and use sanitizer, but cruises are disease vectors. On the last day of the cruise, they stopped in Victoria, British Columbia. Impulse woke up feeling a little sick. Victoria is a beautiful place and the weather was really nice. Impulse’s wife found a place that was supposed to have the best poutine in Victoria. They went to a pub called Irish Times and had poutine. Chat has a brief internal argument over the pronunciation of poutine. Impulse describes poutine (fries, brown gravy, fresh cheese curds but not like from Culvers, the unbreaded squeaky kind). The poutine was amazing. As he was enjoying his poutine, though, he realized he was sick. He got back on the boat and went to bed. His youngest daughter (the older two were there too, but they did their own thing on the boat most of the time) liked the bands, so she and her mom went to watch music while Impulse stayed in the room and ran a fever. He rested through the night, but woke up still sick and had to travel that way. They rushed off the boat so as not to miss their flight, and then the flight got delayed. He did his best not to complain and not to get germs on people. Eventually the plane did leave and they went home. Impulse spent two days in bed with his wife out on the couch and away from the germs. Impulse shills briefly for Factor Wellness Shots. He took every remedy he had available. After three days he started to feel better. He did not get a COVID test, but he’s much better now. It was an awesome trip with a lousy ending, but he got lots of good memories. It’s also probably the last time he’ll have a vacation with his whole family, parents and kids, together in the configuration they are now, so he wants to remember it.

3:13:00 Impulse thanks subs and donos. A chatter tells him a joke. He needs to figure out this music situation because Spotify keeps randomly picking nonsafe music after it finishes its playlist. The same thing happened to Skizz yesterday and Impulse should’ve been prepared, but he wasn’t. A chatter asks how long he’ll be streaming and he says not long. He has a podcast to record today. He shows chat how the wall light decoration works. He is justifiably proud of this. He reads off more subs and donos. He can’t believe how little progress he made today, but he had no “regerts.” He finds a random brick while digging and realizes he has almost dug into the other water elevator for Bop ‘n Go. Disaster narrowly averted.

3:17:40 A chatter asks for the podcast topic this week. Impulse says it’s dealing with failure. Most of the podcast episodes assume people can set goals and be successful at them, but they’ve never really talked about what happens when you fail and how you come back from it. He promises to keep it light, even inspirational. It’s important to embrace failure as a good thing. He hopes it’s a relatable topic, since everybody’s been there. He teases week after next with the possibility of another guest. They have a lot of people they want to get on the show, so they might have guests more often. Chat is enthusiastic and full of guesses.

3:21:00 Impulse look back and shakes his head about not even completing one full section. A chatter asks when he will come to the Netherlands. He says he’d like to one day. A chatter thanks him for inspiration to start streaming. Impulse places a few more blocks, then decides it’s time to wrap things up. He hasn’t even set up for the podcast yet. He is a slacker and Skizz is going to mock him for it. He notices that Cleo is streaming, so at least he has someone to raid into. He talks a bit more about the podcast topic for the week. A chatter asks if he reads podcast comments on Spotify. He says he does but not often, because they’re very hard to get to.

3:26:00 Impulse wraps up the stream and thanks chat for coming. It was a good coming-back stream. He reminds Chat to please, please, please watch the new video with its Important Lore. He thanks subs and donos. He tells chat he is not going to TwitchCon Rotterdam, but he will be at TwitchCon San Diego. He will double-stream on Friday, announcement soon! He raids into Cleo and ends his stream.

[stilin-ski]

if u elaborate on cheerleader jace owlbears porter id be soo 🫶🏻🫶🏻

happily here we go:

-jace keeps his hair just a little longer than we see in canon bc he likes when the other squad members do double french braids with little bows at the ends to give it a little flair. porter also. very much likes this.

-jace has the cheer pants and the cheer skirt and wears both depending on his mood.

-porter is whatever the bloodrush equivalent to a defensive linebacker is, so he's used to getting hit and getting hit hard. that's his job, stay on defense, protect the ball, go down if he needs to. it doesn't really effect him anymore, especially since they have magic and can just do a quick cure wounds or lay on hands if anything too detrimental happens.

but jace is absolutely not okay the first time he sees porter take a hit after they start dating, and some of the other cheer squad members have to stop him from running out onto the field when a time-out is called so they can check on porter. he spends the rest of the night fussing over him after the game because he's got too much anxious energy to sit still.

-they've fucked in the locker room dozens of times, but they've only gotten caught like five times, maybe? which is a miracle on its own because they are not fucking quiet. it's always been a toss up on who threatens the poor soul who happened to walk in. most people are honestly more afraid of jace bc his magic is still very, very unpredictable at that point.

-they are very territorial over each other but they do not need to be bc everyone knows they're so crazy for each other that trying to insert themselves in their relationship is a death sentence.

-every prom they throw insane after parties. jace always spikes the punch. and they sneak off to fuck in a classroom at least twice.

-they break up once, and jace seems fine about it, but porter is a wreck. and not like... raging, throwing shit. he's just obviously so devastated and desperate to fix it, and he's constantly scanning the halls, the cafeteria, the courtyard for any sign of jace. when jace leaves his letterman in his locker, along with some old t-shirts jace had taken over the years a few days after they break up, porter openly cries about it before he goes to the gym and breaks a few punching bags. obvs they work it out within a few weeks, but porter takes it really hard and once they're back together, jace finally admits that he hadn't been sleeping much since they broke up because he didn't have anything that smelled like porter anymore and that's what had been keeping him calm when wild magic surges would hit suddenly.

-they're high school sweethearts, basically. they grow up, they get married. end up teaching at augefort. in this au they do not ever become evil, just a weird grown up version of their a little bit fucked up dynamic from high school where its like. they're in love but maybe there is such a thing as too in love, you know?

[the-badger-mole]

Destined

Zuko hated the idea of destiny. It seemed that nothing he actually chose for himself really mattered. Did anyone ask if he wanted to be the Fire Lord to lead the country out of war? Did anyone care? No, it seemed they did not. When he tried to talk to his uncle, he got nowhere. Iroh empathized with his nephew-of course he did- but it was not his destiny to lead the Fire Nation. No, his destiny was a tea shop where he could make small talk with his regulars.

Bitterness got him nowhere, though. Zuko realized that on one level. On another level, he wasn't even twenty yet, and he was already finding grey hairs from the stress. He loved his country. He loved it enough to shudder at the idea of the power vacuum that would form if he should ever abdicate. The throne, he'd realized long ago, was his destiny. Sometimes, destiny felt like a shackle.

Katara felt like a prisoner. She loved Aang. Of course she loved him. She wouldn't be here if she didn't. He'd chosen the Southern Air Temple as their home, and she'd loved being introduced to his culture. Truly she had. But Katara also wished that Aang would be more open to incorporating more of her culture, too. It wasn't like everything the in the Southern Water Tribe had to do with bringing animal products into the home. Katara had given up her warm furs and hearty stews. For the most part. She still partook whenever she was home, which was oftener than Aang liked, but not enough for Katara. She felt like a foreigner in the wide halls of the air temple. Especially since the Acolytes had taken residence.

The Acolytes were a particularly sore point for Katara. The way they fawned over Aang hit the back of her mouth like a bitter melon and made her jaw clench. Aang swore up and down that she didn't need to feel intimidated by them. That once she'd gotten used to the way things worked around the air temple, she would feel much better. And she would get used to it. She had to. It was her destiny to be with Aang forever. He was the the powerful bender she was supposed to end up with. That's what Aang kept reminding her when she brought up how uncomfortable his relationship with some of the Acolytes made her. That's what he said when he failed to stop them from making comments about her being the Avatar's First Girlfriend, or from sticking their noses into her business about the few Southern Tribe artifacts she kept in her own room. So what if they happened to be made of bits of animals? She wasn't going to get rid of the ram seal horn her father and brother painstakingly carved for her, or the fur parka her Gran Gran sewed for her no matter how many disapproving looks she got over them.

"We'll figure it out," Aang often told her. "You and me are destined, so it has to work out."

Destiny felt like a weight. Duty more than inclination steered the ship, but maybe the ship would be better dashed against the rocks and sunk to the ocean floor.

It was completely by accident that they discovered they felt the same way about destiny. Zuko had been looking for a place to hide from the foreign diplomats attempting to corner him into discussions he was far too overwhelmed, and they far too many drinks in to discuss at the opening banquet of the sixth annual Summit. He found Katara had not only discovered his favorite hiding place, but had set up camp with an assortment of grilled meats on a stick- a Fire Nation specialty that had until Zuko's reign been more popular among the populace than the upper class.

"Sorry," Zuko said, already backing out of the secluded balcony.

"For what?" Katara asked. "This is your home. You have more a right to be here than I do." She had a point, Zuko had to admit. Not out loud, but still.

"I didn't mean to disturb you," he told Katara.

"You haven't," she assured him. She gestured to her meal with a rueful smile. "I just didn't want Aang shaking his head at me while I ate. I don't mind having company... Or would you rather not have company?"

"I didn't really want company," Zuko admitted. "Not of most people here. But I wouldn't mind yours." Katara smiled and slid her plate towards him.

"I'm not going to be able to finish all of this on my own," she told him. "My eyes were bigger than my stomach this time." Zuko took a skewer awkwardly and sat beside Katara.

"Is Aang really that bad that you have to eat meat in secret?" he asked half-joking. Katara rolled her eyes.

"Killing animals just to eat is wrong!" she mimicked his preaching tone. "How would you feel if it was Appa or Momo you were being served?"

"Sorry I asked," Zuko chuckled. "I won't tell about your secret meal if you don't tell that I'm hiding from King Kuei."

"Well, he is very intimidating," Katara chuckled.

"You laugh," Zuko said dryly. "Have you ever been cornered by him? The guy can never just get to the point. He has to talk around the issue in circles until I want to scream at him to just spit it out. But I can't do that because I'm the Fire Lord." Zuko scowled off into the distance and took an aggressive bite out of his skewer.

"If it helps," Katara said hesitantly. She cleared her throat. "If it helps, I think you're doing an amazing job."

"Yeah?" Zuko smirked at her. "Glad someone thinks so."

"I'm sure a lot of people think so," Katara insisted. She turned towards him and held his gaze. "Zuko, you're doing an amazing job as Fire Lord. I'm glad it's you who ended up on the throne."

"I know, I know," Zuko scoffed. "It's my destiny."

"No," Katara said slowly. "I think...I think it's more than destiny. I think you were the right person for the job because you chose to be."

"Is that what you think?" Zuko asked, raising his brow at her. Katara nodded firmly.

"What is destiny, anyway?" she asked. She sounded strangely emotional. Zuko eyed her worriedly. Katara held a skewer in a grip so tight, Zuko was worried the stick would snap. But she took a breath and found a wavery smile.

"I think what makes you such a great Fire Lord is the fact that you care," she said. "Maybe it was your destiny to lead the Fire Nation, but it's who you are that makes you so good at it."

"You think so?" Zuko asked. Katara nodded firmly.

"Just because you're destined for something doesn't necessarily mean it's supposed to be something good. I think..." Katara frowned and thought for a moment. "I think maybe someone's destiny isn't supposed to be good. After all, it seems like Ozai was destined to be Fire Lord. At least for a little while. Even the war must have been destined. So if destiny can be good or bad, then maybe it's up to us to decide which it's going to be."

Zuko had the distinct feeling that Katara wasn't just talking about his destiny as Fire Lord. This felt more personal. This felt like a moment for him to say something profound. He had nothing.

"Not everything is destiny," he tried, hoping that he could help her with whatever it was that had made her so morose.

"How do you know which is which, then?" Katara asked. Zuko shrugged. He leaned back against the wall and looked up at the stars.

"I don't know," he admitted. "Maybe...maybe trying to identify destiny is a mistake. Maybe...it's more important to try to do what's right. Even when it's hard."

"But how do I know what's right?" Katara huffed, and leaned back against the wall beside Zuko.

"i don't really know." Zuko chewed his lip pensively. "When Uncle told me he wouldn't take the throne, I thought it was a huge mistake. I thought he was the best fit for it. After all, of the two of us, he was actually groomed for the part. But after I took the throne....? I don't know...It didn't feel right immediately. It still doesn't feel right to me sometimes, but I did it. At the time, I resented uncle for not at least taking the throne until I was of age, but now that I've been Fire Lord for a few years, I get it. Uncle...he is a good man, but he did some terrible things. He's tried to make up for it, but it was never going to be enough. Not enough to expect everyone to be comfortable with him on the throne. I get it now. I think me taking the throne was the right thing to do. It has been hard. It's been lonely, too. But it was the best call either of us could make.

"But you didn't know it was right when you did it," Katara pointed out.

"No," Zuko tapped his finger thoughtfully on the flagstone. "I don't think I was completely sure that I was the best fit for Fire Lord. I still think Uncle would've been the better choice, history aside. I think there are a lot of much smarter people who probably deserve to be here instead of me. But I also know that there wasn't anyone who had a shot at taking the throne who would care about reparations to the other countries, or about rebuilding for the lower classes. I love my people, Katara, and I think...I think that helped me figure out what I needed to do, even if I don't always like it. I almost never like it."

Katara blinked hard against the tears that had suddenly sprang up in her eyes. She reached out for his and squeezed it tight. She knew how hard leading was for Zuko at times. He did it gracefully, though. He did it fairly, and she could see the progress the Fire Nation had made under him. It wasn't perfect by any means, but it was substantial. If only she could feel that, at least. If only her destiny could make her feel half so accomplished.

"I wish I didn't know what my destiny was," she sighed. "Maybe if I felt like I had even as much choice as you have, I'd feel better." Zuko shot her a strange look. He had so many questions, but none of them felt appropriate. Instead he sighed and scooted closer to Katara.

"Maybe you need to focus less on what you think your destiny is and focus more on what you feel is right," he said. "I know you. Your sense of right and wrong is...well, it's unshakeable. I trust your judgement, even if you don't. If you were making the right choices, you wouldn't feel this conflicted. Even if your choice made you uncomfortable, if you thought it was the right one...well, you wouldn't be on a balcony alone eating secret yakitori." Zuko held up a skewer and waved it at Katara. She laughed and pushed his hand away.

"What if I make a choice and it's the wrong one?" Katara asked.

"I don't see that happening," Zuko said, grinning at her. "But even if you do make a mistake, I think you're smart enough to fix it. I'd help you, if you wanted. And so would Sokka and the Chief. So would all of us." Katara flinched at that. Zuko pretended not to notice.

"What would you do if you didn't know your destiny?" he asked. Katara sat quietly for a long while, looking thoughtfully across the garden below. She absently ran her thumb over Zuko's fingers.

"I think ...I think I'd like to go back to the Northern Tribe," she said. "To finish learning healing from Yugoda. Then I'd like to go the Foggy Swamp and learn swampbending. Then I'd like to find every copy of Southern style bending scrolls I could get my hands on and learn that, too."

"Then you should!" Zuko insisted. "Do that. I'll help when I can. My grandfather kept things from every nation he could. I'm having everything organized and sent back to where they came from. I'm working on the Earth Kingdom now, but I don't have anyone to help sort through all the Water Tribe artifacts. The job is yours, if you want it.

"Are you serious?" Katara gasped. Zuko nodded with a grin.

"I was planning to ask your father to recommend someone soon," he told Katara. "Maybe it's your destiny to do that, for whatever it's worth. I mean, it's an important job, but it's not a long one. Maybe six months to a year. But maybe it'll give you a chance to think about what you want. What you think it the right thing for you to do."

Katara considered his offer for a moment. Her initial reaction was to insist that she couldn't do that. That Aang needed her. But she bit her tongue and thought. What did Aang need her for? She cooked his meals, kept the Air Temple tidy, and kept his diary for him. It was important to keep the Avatar on task, but was it right? Was it right for her?

Soon, all the points in favor of it presented themselves. Sure keeping the Avatar on track was important, but reclaiming all of the Southern style bending she could? Learning everything she could about waterbending? The thought made her heart ache with a longing she'd almost forgotten how to feel. If Aang really was her destiny, he'd understand why she wanted to do this. After all, he was also working to reclaim Air Nomad culture.

It was tempting.

It was tempting.

It was...

"I think..." Katara said slowly. She cleared her throat again and turned to Zuko. "I think I'll do that."

"Really?" Zuko's face lit up.

"Really," Katara said, nodding once sharply. Then she smirked at Zuko. "You're going to get sick of having me around."

"Never that," he swore. "Never, ever that."

[i-heart-hxh]

So I can see Gon wanting to reunite with Killua but feeling too guilty to initiate the reunion. As for Killua, as much as I'd love to believe he wants to be with Gon again, a part of me feels like he's letting go of their promise to stay together in exchange for staying with Alluka because she needs him more. We as the audience know it's temporary, but do you think Killua feels the same way? Maybe I've read too many fics of him trying to move on and leave his feelings for Gon behind (literally every reunion fic is Killua actively avoiding Gon and Gon has to go out of his way to find him and make up it's sad)

Hi!

First off, in canon I think it's likely they'll end up reuniting as a result of the plot bringing them back together, so in that case I don't think either of them will have to initiate it, necessarily, or if one of them does it'll be because they have a good reason to.

Putting that aside, I agree that Gon likely let Killua go with the idea that Killua will get to decide when they reunite (because Killua was likely the one who initiated the separation/had more reasons to separate and because of Gon's guilt about what happened between them), and that Killua may try to push himself to move on from his strong attachment to Gon. I think he'll fail at that over the longer term, though, especially once he heals from what happened a little more and finds pushing those feelings away isn't as simple as he hoped. (I also don't think he'd ever want to move on from his friendship with Gon, it's more the deeper feelings that I can see him trying to run from.)

If we're assuming the plot doesn't bring them back together, I could see them staying in contact lightly throughout being separated--and then gradually, as they both heal and think over what happened, increasing contact and missing each other more as they talk more until one of them finally is ready to initiate reuniting in spite of the anxiety around it. I also could see them eventually needing to be in the same place for some reason (Hunter-related event or something with their mutual friends, perhaps) and that kind of forcing a reunion--kinda similar to my "plot reasons" idea, but more mundane.

I do legitimately think both of them think of the separation is temporary, though, with the caveat that Killua knows he and Alluka are in danger from Illumi and he's devoted to protecting Alluka from that, so naturally that adds some uncertainty on his end. Even with all the emotional complications under the surface, the way they left off was pretty light outwardly and emphasized seeing each other later and staying in touch, and even with everything that happened I truly don't think either of them are done with the other even internally.

There would likely be some awkwardness/anxiety around initiating a reunion and how to time that (though again, I think canon might forgo that by giving them a plot reason to be together again), but that doesn't mean it wouldn't happen. I think they'll miss each other a lot during the separation and eventually something would push them over into initiating something even without any plot forcing them.

I do think it's Gon's "turn" to show Killua again how much he values him (and thus give Killua a chance to finally open up about his feelings), but I also don't think it's fair to see it as super one-sided. Even with all the pain and not being sure what to do because of the uncertainty in their relationship, I believe Killua wants to be with Gon, and his reasons for avoiding him would be more about not feeling ready than legitimately not wanting to see Gon.

[mandiemegatron]

MANDIEEEEEE do you have any f/o thoughts at the moment i need to knowwww

NINNAAAAAA hi baby !!! 💖💖💖💖 God do I EVER have thoughts - the real question is when do I NOT have thoughts abt my f/os 😂😂😂 going with my two that's been overtaking my mind the last few weeks -

Kid and Killer ;

♡ Literally the best cuddlers on the entire grand line. You cannot change my mind.

♡ Kid is almost aggressive with his cuddles (it always turns into a lil somethin somethin if you catch me 🤭) but it's because he just has so much love to give and doesn't know how to express it. I hc that he's not a words man but an action man. He would rip the fucking stars from the sky with his bare hand if you asked for it. He would tear the heart out of any man that looked at you wrong or even breathed in your general direction.

♡ The type to tug you close and hold you tight when walking in crowds because God forbid you get fuckin lost or taken from him. Not on his watch. 😤😤👊👊

♡ Nothing gets this man's ego more inflated than when you nearly skip to him and jump in his arms, pressing loud and over-exaggerated kisses to his face. He especially loves it when you do it in front of the crew. (They jokingly all do the same thing - "BROTHA EWW🤮😂" it's bc they're jealous and they're screaming inside bc you're not jumping into their arms 😂😂😂)

♡ if he could have you live in his lap/arms, he fuckin would! He's a touchy-feely man, and he loves the constant reminder of your hand in his that you love him, forever and always, no matter the outcome.

♡ he loves having you sleep on top of him, it's not very comfortable but he's quoted as putting it like "youre like my weighted blanket, you keep my heart warm" and he was stone cold sober when he said it too. he's so fuckjng corny. You big hearted dork, i fucking love you.

◇ Killer.... sweet, sweet Killer. The man's hands could rip a man's spine from his body in seconds but the way he holds your face in his palms like you're made of glass... 😭😭😭 you are literally the most precious thing to him (other than Kid and the crew, of course) and there would be absolute hell to pay if anything ever happened to you.

◇ You once cut your hand by accident while doing lunch prep and he straight up threw the fucking knife overboard. He literally went "absolutely the fuck not!" And yeeted the thing far away from you. You're not allowed to do prep anymore 😂😂

◇ the soft moments at night after hours of love making and whispered words of promise and love for each other 😭😭 it's then that he realizes that you're in love with him and he cries in the washroom later. You love him? Of all people in the entire Grand Line, scarred and broken Killer is the one you give your heart to? He feels like he doesn't deserve you but by God does he ever love you.

◇ He has daily fights with Kid on who gets you for the night. You've tried to make a schedule but Kid always overruled it with "IM THE CAPTAIN, I MAKE THE RULES 😤😤" because he was mad Killer got you on a random Wednesday instead of him. Most nights, you're stuck between the two of them, hot and sticky, even with the windows in Kid's master bedroom wide open and a vented fan blowing around cool air.

But in truth, there's no place you'd rather be. Hot, sweaty and drowning in their love, you've never once second guessed that this was where you were supposed to be. 💖💖💖

[ddollfface]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐞

Summary: The different reactions Baki Men have to you asking for a baby. Warnings; fem reader (reader is called a woman), reader can get pregnant, mentions of pregnancy, no proofread whatsoever lol

The Happy One (Breeder Mentality)

He doesn't let you finish your sentence, already pouncing on you while smothering your face with kisses. His arms are wrapped around you as he lifts you up in the air, swinging you around. This is what he's been dreaming about, all he could ever think about whenever you're around. He's so excited that he can't even contain himself, letting his imagination run wild. He was starting to get worried that you'd never ask, baby! He lays you down, running a hand up your side, whispering that you should get things started. After all, it's now or never! Katsumi Orochi, Biscuit Olivia, Pickle, Chiharu Shiba, Gaia, Jun Guevaru. Atsushi Suedou.

The Hesitant One (Unsure of Themselves)

He doesn't have a reaction, just standing there and staring. Not a peep, not even a gasp. He doesn't even blink! He just stares. It's impossible to tell what he's thinking, and immediately you retract your statement, now feeling unsure of yourself. You're stopped by his hand, preventing you from leaving him, and forcing you to look at him. With a straight face, he'll assure you that he'll think about it, but he needs time. You'll agree, but feel a little off-put by the whole situation. Little do you know, you've just triggered a mid-life crisis in this man (lol), and now he's second-guessing his whole life goals and mission. His whole life, he thought that he'd just be a fighter, a man with blood ingrained in the cracks of his palm and the permanent white noise of cracking bones and screams. He couldn't imagine himself with the domestic life, finding it more laughable than believable. Could he truly be a father? Is he even capable? JACK HANMA, Karou Hanayama, Baki Hanma (?), Kaiou Dorian

The Old Man (His Back Isn't Going to Make It)

Listen, Sweetheart, he loves you with all his heart, and he'd burn the whole world just to see you smile, but he's far past his prime. He's lived a long life of training, blood, sweat, and tears. His whole life has been filled with a constant dedication towards the martial arts (or the arena), and he's never once thought of himself as a family man. If anything, he always thought that he'd live his life always on the run, never giving the family life a second thought. Now, look at where he is, living the domestic dream with you tucked into his side, but, even then, he doesn't think children (or having another child) will ever happen... not when his knees are cracking whenever he stands- DOPPO OROCHI, Izo Motobe(ish), Gouki Shibukawa, Ryuukou Yanagi (kinda), Kanji Igari

The Baby Repellent (AKA The Asshole)

That's cute; did you really think he'd ever agree to that? You must've forgotten who he is, what he does, and how he lives. He doesn't do children, absolutely not. He's never held a child, nor has he maintained a long interaction with one, and he doesn't have any interest in doing so. He's never liked children. If anything, it's the opposite. He rather gouge his eyes out than change a diaper or tear his nails off than bounce a kid on his knee. Never, it'll never happen, so you better get that idea out of your head. Kiyosumi Katou, Ryuukou Yanagi, Doyle, Sikorsky, Spec,

The Hesitant One Pt.2 (Wants To Feel Things Out First)

There could be multiple different things that could be holding them back (age, work, or training), and it just means they want to take smaller steps; maybe get engaged? Do taxes together? Go to the grocery store together? Just to make sure that you're both ready to take this next step, especially since children are such a big responsibility. Don't get it wrong! They would love nothing else than to have a family with you, wanting to grow old together and fall asleep in each others' arms, but the reality is that this world is stressful, and a child only adds to that. They don't want to go into this without thinking, instead, the both of you should sit down and talk about what security nets you have, why you want to have children, etc. All the while you're having this conversation, they're trying to hide the current hard-on that's raging in their trousers, not wanting to ruin this serious conversation with the creeping fantasies of you swollen and glowing like all pregnant women do. Baki Hanma, Kaiou Retsu, Kureha Shinogi, Izo Motobe, Kozue, Matsumoto,

[msviolacea]

In today's Dragon Age brainrot, I am avoiding work by thinking about how the potential lesson to learn from the Veilguard gameplay is not "Solas was right all along and our Rook fucked everything up" but "Solas was probably right to try to fix things Back in the Day, but no solution is without consequences, and once the world has adjusted itself around those consequences trying to unmake everything is the wrong choice, especially if you decide that the people who exist in the new world are somehow lesser beings than the ones you knew."

(Aside: if I had a nickel for every time a ridiculously powerful immortal character named Sola(u)s tried to fix a world-ending calamity with an effective but ultimately terrible solution and then eons later wanted to destroy the new version of the world to try to bring back the one he previously loved, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice, etc.)

And the lesson to learn as PCs is not "we should never have tried to stop Solas we fucked up the world!" but "it's never wrong to try to save the world, but sometimes your solution is going to create even more problems, and you'll need to live with the consequences."

Looking forward to a(nother) game that hopefully has a moral of "creating a better world means working with what exists, with the people you have, and putting your trust in the people you love to help you shape the future."