#especially the part about sam zoning out and freaking in the car

[jamesnovakwinchester]

SBLW - Day 1

Benny

Despite the fact that it was Sam’s idea to invite Benny to move into the bunker after they returned from Purgatory together, things are still chilly between the two of them, to say the least. Not that Benny didn’t make an effort to thaw the ice. 

After a year in the trenches with him, he knows how Dean can be and he knows he’s heard nothing but good things about Sam from him. So he’s willing to overlook the original animosity between himself and Sam. After all, Sam and Dean are a rare kind of hunter to let a vampire live, let alone be making room for him in their home. So he made himself right at home in the bunker’s kitchen, whipping up the rich Cajun foods his mamma used to make and baking pies in every flavor in hope of one of them striking Sam’s fancy. 

He tried not to feel disheartened when Sam only picked at the food he cooked and never went for dessert. Benny knows he’s a good cook. He hasn’t eaten real food in a cool century, but judging by the pornographic sounds Dean makes as he eats his third helping, Benny thinks it’s safe to say he hasn’t lost his touch. 

It isn’t until Dean finally takes pity on Benny and tells him how his little brother prefers “rabbit food” to the heart attack inducing meals that Dean would reminisce about when they were in Purgatory together that Benny thinks he can start making some headway with the little Winchester. He knows it’s absurd to think of Sam Winchester as little, but still recovering from the toll of the trials, he is no longer the intimidating figure Benny thought of him as after their first meeting. 

Benny asks Sam to take him to the farmer’s market the next day. He feigns ignorance about where to find one and even pretends he can’t understand how to use the GPS on his confangled new cell phone with the too small buttons that Dean insisted he get. Sam looks a little suspicious, but he’s never been outright rude to Benny so he gives in. 

Benny’s attempts at making conversation on the drive there are met with grunts and one word answers. Sam seems lost in thought so eventually Benny gives up and they lapse into heavy silence.

Sam

Sam knows he’s being a bit irrational. He’s never been the type of hunter to overlook the existence of good in monsters. Dean is the one who usually sees things in black and white. Things have just felt so… upside down since he got back from Hell. After the demon blood, after being soulless, he just wanted to do good, to be good. To be worthy of Dean’s love. To not fuck up again. But it seems that’s all Sam does. 

Things are so tangled up in Sam’s head these days, like his mind is still fatigued from the trials, that it’s hard to tell what hunter morality he’s supposed to follow now. Trying to work out whether he should trust Benny to have his back on a hunt or whether he should bar his bedroom door at night seems like a Herculean task. Benny used to kill to feed, but now he doesn’t. If killing people means Benny should die, does that mean Sam should, too? The answer to that should be easy, but it’s not anymore. There are things… The things Dean said to him. Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you’ve ever been. And then there are the trials and everything they meant. You’re a monster, Sam– a vampire. And there is Amy, always Amy. No matter how hard you try, you are what you are. You will kill again. And the constant fear in the back of Sam’s mind that none of this is real. You gotta believe me. You’ve gotta make it stone number one and build on it. And Amy who didn’t ask to be a monster, and Jacob who didn’t deserve to lose his mother. You can be pissed all you want, but quit being a bitch. And, and… It doesn’t matter, in the end. Keeping his distance from Benny, from everyone really, is for the best anyway. Lucifer is probably playing a trick on him and any minute now he’ll wake up and–

“Sam, Sam, SAM!!!” He comes to to Benny shaking his shoulder, horns blaring behind them as the light they are standing at has turned green. Face burning in embarrassment, Sam drives the rest of the way to the farmer’s market under Benny’s watchful gaze. 

“Are you sure you’re alright, cher?” Benny asks for the fifth time. The term of endearment makes Sam’s cheeks burn for a different reason, although he can’t say what that is. 

“Yeah, Benny, I just wasn’t paying attention.”

“You always start hyperventilating when you’re lost in thought?” Sam doesn’t have an answer for that, but considering he could’ve gotten them both killed, he decides to be nice to Benny for the rest of the day.

Instead of going off and doing his own thing, Sam dutifully follows Benny around the farmer’s market as he purchases red onions, various kinds of peppers, mushrooms, beets, spinach, clementines, and fresh goat cheese from the vendors Sam recommends.

Against his better judgment, Sam finds it cute that a big bear of a man can be so serious about picking mushrooms that are the perfect ripeness. 

Dean

The last thing Dean expects to see when he comes to the kitchen for his pre-dinner refreshment is Benny cooking something that smells delicious on the stove. Wait, no, he sees that a lot these days and he loves it. But seeing his brother in there with the vampire is a surprise. 

Sam’s at the table chopping stuff up and hmming along to a story Benny is telling from his vampirate days about his coven taking over a Caribbean rum-running boat during Prohibition. He’s not saying much, but Dean can tell the history geek inside Sam is giddy at getting to hear a firsthand account. 

Seeing Sammy hunched over a cutting board, that cute line of concentration between his brows as he carefully chops beets (beets?) reminds Dean of the serious look on Sam’s face when he used to do his physics homework as a kid. Cooking has never been Sam’s forte, but he’s making an effort. For Benny. 

Dean feels a pang of jealousy at the thought of his friend cozying up to his brother, but he beats it down with a stick before it can turn into something ugly. Sam deserves better than that from him and Sam deserves a friend. So does Benny, but Sam will always come first because, y’know, soulmates or whatever. Without letting his presence be known, Dean quietly heads back to his room to give them more time to get to know each other.

When Sam comes and gets him for dinner, Dean’s pleasantly surprised to see his little brother eat more than his usual few bites of the vegetarian quiche and spinach and beets (beets!) salad Sam and Benny made together that afternoon. And he’s even more pleased that he doesn’t have to eat that shit because Benny made him country fried steak and mashed potatoes.

Sam and Benny being in a room together for longer than fifteen minutes starts to become a regular occurrence. Sam starts trusting Benny to watch his back on hunts. When Sam and Dean are shooting the shit and having a beer, Benny starts joining them with a blood bag of his own.  When Dean and Benny are making magic happen in the kitchen, Sam shyly asks them what he can do to help. Seeing how well the three of them work as a unit eases the last of the wariness Dean had about Sam and Benny’s growing friendship. And seeing Sam come to life again after the trials makes Dean want to nurture their relationship.

A few weeks after their first trip to the farmer’s market, Sam comes up with the idea to start their own herb garden, saying it’ll be helpful for not only spells, but also cooking. Dean refuses to participate in anything that requires digging in the goddamn dirt like a dog, but he can’t deny it’d be useful. The bunker is so off the beaten path, it takes a good thirty minutes of driving to get to a grocery store, which is a pain in the ass in a pinch.

When Sam and Benny come inside after a few hours of planting their newly purchased seeds, sweaty and covered in soil, Dean can’t help but quip, “You lovebirds have fun getting down and dirty?” Sam rolls his eyes, but Dean doesn’t miss how his cheeks pink up. 

Benny, on the other hand, rises to the bait. “A gentleman never tells, brother.” And he fucking winks at Dean, like that’s a totally okay thing for him to do. 

Dean doesn’t think much of it, however, until a few days later when he comes back to the bunker after a night with a gorgeous brunette with a fantastic rack that he met on Tinder. (“Shut up, Sam, my profile picture fucking rocks.”) On his way to the shower, Dean makes a pit stop in the kitchen for a post-breakfast snack. This time, when he sees Sam and Benny in the kitchen together, locked in a deep kiss, Dean has no qualms about making his presence known.

“All right, all right, keep it in your pants when I’m around, kids. Sammy, go put on a shirt, you’re indecent!” Sam smacks him in the shoulder and starts lecturing him about privacy, Dean, ever heard of it? while Benny grins, cheeky and proud, with his arm around Sam’s waist, and Dean knows they’re gonna be okay. 

-SBLW anon

[five-rivers]

Interview With a Ghost (Epilogue: Diner)

(PART 1) (PART 2) (PART 3) (PART 4) (PART 5)

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.

.

Unlike many of the eating establishments in Amity Park, Cecilia's Diner didn't cater to ghost-hunting tourists (To be technical, they didn't cater at all. It was a strictly sit-down establishment. They didn't even do take out.). Its clientele was strictly local. Pointedly so. The proprietress maintained a strict policy of banning all ghost hunting paraphernalia from the premises. A tourist could, theoretically, come in and order a sandwich, but if they gave any sign that they were there to hunt ghosts, they were summarily ejected.

There was a reason for this: Cecilia's Diner had the dubious distinction of sitting across the street from the cemetery. No one wanted ghost hunters watching them while burying a loved one, and Cecilia refused to add to what she considered to be a veritable plague.

The diner was not Danny's usual haunt. But it was useful, and gave him a good vantage point to watch the comings and goings in the cemetery. Of which there were many, even if the funeral had ended over an hour ago.

"Danny?"

"Hm?" said Danny, not taking his eyes off the window.

"Are you going to finish your fries?"

"Tucker!" scolded Jazz.

"What?" said Tucker.

Danny finally turned back to his friends. Jazz was giving Tucker a rather severe glare.

"It's fine," said Danny, "I don't want them."

Tucker reached out, but Jazz intercepted him. "Danny," she said, "you've hardly eaten all day." She nodded significantly at his plate full of fries and the sandwich he'd only taken two bites out of.

"I'm not hungry," he mumbled.

"You need your strength."

"I don't want to throw up all over myself when I do this," said Danny.

"You are doing it, then?" asked Sam. She hadn't eaten much, either. Then again, the diner didn't have a lot of vegetarian options. "Telling your parents, I mean."

"I don't really have any choice," said Danny. He picked up a french fry, and let it hang limply between his fingers. "I have to, don't I?"

"You do have a choice," said Sam. "I know you want to stay with your parents, and I like them too, but..." She drummed her fingers on the table. "I'm worried about how they'll react."

"I know," said Danny. He looked back out the window. "This is so weird. People are mourning for me, but I'm right here."

Sam and Tucker exchanged a glance. "Well, you get to do what you want," said Tucker. "It is your fune-" There was a meaty thump, and Tucker fell over, clutching at something beneath the table.

"I guess so," said Danny. He closed his eyes and sighed. He did feel calmer, now, with his body safely beneath the earth. Vlad might try to steal it again, six feet of soil and a couple inches of wood didn't do much to deter a person who could simply phase through them, but between the layer of Ghost-Zone-sourced paint Danny had stealthily applied to the inside of the coffin and the continuing threats and disdain of the ghostly community, Danny didn't think that he'd be terribly successful.

Danny would know if he was, anyway.

Tucker straightened out and pulled his PDA from his pocket. "When are those officers supposed to come get you again?"

"Detectives," corrected Danny. "Any minute now."

As if Danny's words had summoned them, the bell on the diner's door rang. They looked up to see the detectives walking in.

Jazz slid out of the booth, followed shortly by Danny.

"We'll call when it's over," said Jazz. Danny tried to smile and gave them a little wave, before turning to greet the detectives.

.

The ride to Fentonworks in the detectives car was long and mostly silent. Mostly.

"Can you stop staring at me?" asked Danny.

"Sorry," said Paterson.

"Mhm," said Collins, who, as he was the one driving, had much less of an excuse for staring.

Danny sighed.

The car pulled up in front of Fentonworks.

.

"During our investigation last week," started Collins, undertaking to explain why their children had been brought home by the police, "we came across certain facts that made us, and our captain, concerned for the safety of Jazz and Danny. Especially Danny." Of course, Collins was only doing the initial explanation. Danny was going to do the big reveal himself.

"What kind of facts?" asked Maddie.

"Facts about Phantom?" exclaimed Jack.

"Well, yes-" started Collins.

"That no good spook!" roared Jack, pulling a wicked-looking gun from... somewhere. "I'll teach him to mess with Fentons!"

"Whoa!" said Collins, leaping to his feet and holding out both his hands. He did not miss Paterson reflexively reaching for her own weapon. "No! There's no threatening going on! No threats! Let's put down the guns!"

"Don't worry, detective," said Maddie. "It's designed to only hurt ghosts."

Collins took a deep breath, and kept himself from glancing at Danny. "Why don't we continue this conversation once you've put all the ghost weapons away," he said.

Jack frowned. "Why?" he asked.

"I just think it'll make everyone involved more comfortable," said Collins. "Just as a general proposal."

.

It took some time for Jack and Maddie to divest themselves of all their weaponry, and every second just made Danny more nervous. He wanted to just get this over with. He wanted it to be done. His mind whirred, trying to come up with the best way to start explaining, and, oh, he should have decided earlier. He should have written a script, or a letter, but he didn't, thinking that the right words would just come to him.

So when Jack and Maddie came back into the room, Danny blurted out, "It was my corpse."

Jack and Maddie stared at him. Jazz put her head in her hands.

"What?" asked Jack. "What was your corpse?"

"That they found, in the park." Danny waved his hand in Collins and Paterson's direction. "The body." They still looked bewildered. "I've been dead, sort of, for two years."

Maddie stepped forward. "Danny... I don't know what's going on, but you're just- You're confused. You have a pulse, Danny. You're alive." She turned on the detectives. "And you! You know he's alive. How could you-?"

"Mom," said Danny. "I'm not lying. Look." He held up his hand and slowly rendered it invisible. "When I turned the portal on," he said, "I was- The button was inside. I was inside. It turned on right on top of me."

"Oh, Danno," said Jack, eyes wide.

"The best I can figure is, ectoplasm replaced half of the mass in my body and the other half... just sort of..." He made a splitting gesture with his hands. "Fell out. I kind of freaked out and buried it in the park. I didn't know what else to do."

Maddie sat down heavily on the couch, one hand over her mouth.

"So, like, the parts of my body that are still there, they all work fine," said Danny. "So, you know, pulse and stuff. And the ectoplasm is pretty well integrated. It's, you know, the thing keeping me together. But I'm not one-hundred-percent dead. Just, like, half." He paused. "Also, I'm Phantom."

"What?"

Collins cleared his throat. "This being the case," he said, "we're going to have to ask you to make some changes to your home and behavior."

.

A week later, Danny sat in the same booth at Cecilia's Diner, looking out the window again. The cemetery was much quieter this week, but he could still see people stopping by his grave.

How bizarre.

"Have you decided what you want yet, Danno?" asked Jack. Danny turned away from the window, to smile at his family.

"No," he said. "Not yet."

[eschergirls]

Originally published at: https://eschergirls.com/photo/2020/04/22/totally-true-gender-science-pc-zone

From Jess Morrissette on Twitter (with permission):

"For some women, the 3D space and layout of an area in a game like Quake is not immediately obvious to them. Tunnels which lead off from a room, or even the entire architecture of the room, may be 'invisible.'" Source: "How to Get Your Girlfriend Into Games" (PC Zone, May 1999).

Holy s- this piece.  And way to go with the "As your experiences in bed have undoubtedly told you, there is no bigger turn-off than a complete systems failure" part that seems to insult the presumed-to-be-male audience too? -_o  And the "science" snippet that says women can't play FPSes because we can't navigate 3D space, but women are good at adventure games because women talk more than men... but remember gamer guys, don't complain about women being bad at things because you used to be a girl in your mom's womb once! Holy cow, PC Zone, not helping.

Transcription for screenreaders (big thanks to Bella (@MoviePosters00) for the transcription):

HOW TO GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND INTO GAMES

You've been playing games for years, but just imagine what they must look like from a non-gamer's point of view. They suck. The graphics are crap. Look out of your window — that's good graphics. These just look shoddy and blocky in comparison.

And what's with all the violence? Why do you have to kill everybody? Why can't you just talk to them? And what are these locations? Cathedrals? Dungeons? Catacombs? God, it's all so dark and depressing. And why are there so many blokes in these games? And what the hell am I doing spending hours playing this when I could be out talking to people, reading books, watching films, living life... This is how girls think.

Girls and games rarely mix. They rarely mix because you — man, boy, bloke, fellow, chap, me lad —you designed them.

Unlike most other examples of popular culture, computer games are predominantly designed and programmed by blokes and so inevitably appeal to men and the male tick-list of desirable experiences: being a superhero, being competitive, being murderous, and doing things fast.

Sure, we play the odd puzzler like Tetris. And yes, we can be found occasionally talking to elves in adventure games. But on the whole, we want violence, people's heads exploding, fast cars, big jets and gouts of hot arterial blood splattered against cobblestones. We want wars and vast armies of ourselves crushing other vast armies of people different to us into the dust.

She thinks: "Why play stupid computer games when you could be making me a cup of tea, paying me some attention, taking me out (or whatever your relationship revolves around)?"

You think: "Why waste valuable time attending to you when I've got to complete this freaking level?"

She strops. You grit your teeth. You feel bad about playing so you grab what gameplay you can in unsatisfying snatches, standing up every five to ten minutes and stroking her hair.

You say: "You okay?" She says: "Yeah. Guess so." You sprint back to your machine for another five-minute burst. Suddenly it's 2am. She's face-down asleep and you're having just one more go. Relationship: terminated.

Obviously, the ideal situation would be for both of you to like games. Those with PlayStations will probably have already experienced a touch of curiosity about games from their partners. But if the PlayStation is designed to be simple and appealing, the PC is a horrible beige monolith, forced to do games as an afterthought.

But it can be done. You can get your girlfriend playing games. We at PC ZONE have designed a 12-Part System. It takes some planning and no small amount of patience. We can't guarantee 100 per cent results but we believe, if you follow this plan, at the least, she will have some idea of why the hell you play games in the first place.

THE 12 RULES OF GIRLFRIEND GAMING

Step-by-step techniques for getting your girlfriend into games

1 CHOOSE WISELY

There's no point throwing her directly into Falcon 4 or Dark Reign II. Keep your game choices simple and realistic. Choose a game with strong interactive qualities and with real-life locations. There aren't, however, many good girl games on the PC.

PC ZONE chooses:

Half-Life

The hazard course is a particularly good starting point. It takes a while to get going but once they're hooked, they'll never stop.

Tomb Raider III

Despite what feminists say about her bosoms, girls like playing girls. Especially strong, agile ones.

Motocross Madness

Great driving game set 'outside', with hyper-realistic graphics. Exhilarating and amusing.

Creatures 2

Yeah, yeah, they "get to raise babies". Easy joke.

Worms

Because you can name the worms and then blow them up.

Quake II

Multiplayer especially. They'll hate it at first but try and try again. They'll get it.

Grim Fandango

Interactive, movie-like, funny, with a plethora of locations and mysteries. How much more girly can a game get?

Others (recommended by visitors to our website)

Puzzle Bobble, YOU Don't Know Jack, Baku Baku Animal, Civilization, SimCity 3000, Sam & Max, Broken Sword, Little Big Adventure, Settlers 3, Caesar IA Fallout 2, Zork: Grande Inquisitor

2 SET UP YOUR ROOM

Rule number one: tidy it. Rule number two: tidy it again (and vacuum this time). No-one wants their first introduction to games to happen in the midst of a smeg pit. Clear the mugs away. Wipe all those shavings and toenails off your desk. Clear the cigarette butts, bits of paper, Blu-tack and Coke cans out of the way. Get a nice clean mouse — not one clogged up with three months' worth of dried skin. Clean all those manky half-moons of crap off the keys on your keyboard, too.

Use Stanislavski's Circles Of Attention technique to minimise her distraction. Turn off the main light in your room and erect a side light which creates a pool of illumination around your computer. This makes the computer screen the centre of focus and mutes any peripheral distractions. In short, she has nowhere to look if she gets bored.

3 SELL HER THE GAME

Talk to her in language she can understand. Remember: you are a computer games geek.

She is a proper person who cares about things like emotions and novels. Don't use jargon. Ramp up any 'interactive' elements (talking, speaking, puzzle-solving). Play down hyper-violent aspects (flying globules of gibbage, explosions with true particles, realistic death throes). Once she's over her initial reluctance, she'll be as bloodthirsty as anyone, but you have to get her there first.

Half-Life

You want to say: "Next-generation first-person shoot 'em up with strong narrative elements."

You should say: "011, it's an amazing unfolding story with you playing the central character."

Motocross Madness

You want to say: "The real-time shadows are unbelievable and on Voodoo2 it uses tri-linear mapping for a super-realistic fractal landscape."

You should say: "It's really realistic and it's set outside."

Worms Armageddon

You want to say: "It's like that tank game you used to play in school where you'd enter the trajectory and balance it against wind speed."

You should say: "It's like Tetris."

TOP TIP If you're ever in any doubt about how to describe a game, just say: "It's like Tetris." Whatever you do, though...

4 DON'T OVER-HYPE IT

"Oh God, this is the best 3D shoot 'em up ever. The graphics are unbelievable. It’s such a brilliant game. It rules." Do not say anything like this or you'll create preconceptions. A game will have to have reality-quality graphics and the most involving storyline ever known to grab her after that sales pitch. To the uninitiated, compared to reality, a good film or a great novel, games - all games - suck and blow (at the same time).

5 HAVE A GOOD MACHINE

Don't waste your time trying to convert her to the Dark Side if you're packing a five-year-old PC with a green screen and Sinclair BASIC. Who wants to see a glut of piss-poor pixels masquerading as people and locations? Get 3D acceleration. And get it now. Get RAM. Get a nice big monitor and some meaty speakers. If you're going to use a joystick, get a big, firm one she can grasp (yes, insert crap joke here).

Get a joypad if you can. Remember, computers were never designed for games. It may be more versatile in the long term, but a keyboard isn't as forgiving as a joypad (plus you get to see her 'girl-steering' the pad in mid air when taking corners in racing games). The mouse is a brilliant 3D navigation device, but not at first and certainly not for someone used to pushing icons around a flat screen.

6 ENSURE EVERYTHING IS RUNNING CORRECTLY

As your experiences in bed have undoubtedly told you, there is no bigger turn-off than a complete system failure. Blue screen General Protection Faults are the gaming equivalent of a hair-trigger ("Oh sorry, I just GPF'ed"). Create a load of shortcuts on the desktop and configure keys/joystick/sound/video in advance - you don't want to stop the action over and over to adjust CD music volumes or the 'crouch' button.

Don't decide to check your email. Don't receive any phone calls. Don't schedule a clan match. Don't invite your mates over for a pissing contest. Make sure it's just you and her.

7 DON'T TAKE OVER

This is Five Gold Rings of the plan - the most important piece of advice. Resist the temptation to dominate proceedings. As she tumbles - for the fortieth time - headlong into the lava, do not snatch the mouse out of her hand and show her how it's done. Encourage. Encourage. Encourage. Every fibre in your body will be screaming for you to take the mouse - don't. Take a deep breath and count to ten. Better still, go outside and scream into a pillow (perhaps two. Eiderdowns). The more you interrupt and cajole, the less she will become immersed in the game and the more you will fail.

8 REASSURE HER

Like any newbie, she needs constant reassurance.

She says: "I'm crap."

You say: "No, you're not just schooled in the conventions of this medium."

She says: "Oh, I can't do it"

You say: "It took me a while to get the hang of it, too."

She says: "What's the point? I don't get it. I'm not doing it anymore."

You say: "There's a really brilliant bit coming up. Just stick at it."

She says: "I'm bored."

You say: "There's a bit like Tetris coming up in a sec."

She says: "Where's the bit like Tetris?"

You say: "It's coming in a minute, okay?

9 DON'T PATRONISE HER

"Ooh, you're doing really well," you say, as she dies on the Half-Life hazard course 50 times in a row. She's not stupid. She knows the difference between succeeding and failing. If she has developed black-ball trouble or a psychological block, change the scenery. Try a different game or a different level. Surreptitiously turn God mode on. Anything.

10 MAKE IT PART OF AN EVENING

Don't just announce that tomorrow night, you'll be playing computer games together. Or lock her in and force her to sit in your chair for hours. Go out for some beers first, or get some wine in, or whatever your relaxation method of choice is. Don't push it. Imagine this is like date number two or three. You wouldn't slap it on a tray and say "Let's go," would you? Maybe you would, but pacing and timing and bit of restraint are going to get you further.

Also, get some snacks in. PC ZONE recommended snacks for girlfriend gaming: Tooty Fruities.

11 POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT

It is a psychological fact that people will do things they don't want to if there's a reward for them at the end. You may have to trade. Say you'll go to see a film with subtitles with her if she spends an hour playing games. Or that you'll cook something other than corned beef curry. Or that you will finally pull out those dirty socks that are stuck like cardboard behind the radiator. There has to be a trade. You don't get something for nothing. Hopefully, to use an unfortunate comparison, like Pavlov's dog, every time she hears the ping of the SimCity 3000 menu options or the splattery fine red mist of giblets hitting cobblestones in Quake, she'll start salivating.

And finally...

12 DON'T BE SELFISH

Now you have succeeded in getting her as addicted to games as you are, you must nurture her interest. This means sharing your machine.

Remember, girls always win at beat 'em ups. You can revise all the best, most shimmery combos and special moves but she, just by randomly banging the joypad, will triumph every time. If you lose, don't tell her it was "a crap game anyway". Be gracious.

Maybe you should invest in another PC and set up a network. That way, she can play, you can play, and you can settle washing-up arguments with the railgun. Ah, bliss...

Oh, and don't forget to delete that porn.

AND NOW, THE SCIENCE BIT...

Blokes don't like talking about their emotions and girls can't park. Crass sweeping generalisations or statistically proven sweeping generalisations?

A variety of behavioural differences have been reported for men and women, and researchers have zoned in on 'parallel parking' as an example of the differences between male and female thought processes. Men can often 'see' the space, in 3D, in their brains. Women can perceive the gap, but need to talk about it in order to understand its relationship with the length of their car. They ask themselves questions and come to a conclusion, which takes longer than the male approach, which Is just to pile in there and use the alarms of the vehicles in front and behind to judge distances.

This car-parking phenomenon also has an influence on the way women perceive computer games. For some women, the 3D space and layout of an area in a game like Quake is not immediately obvious to them. Tunnels which lead off from a room, or even the entire architecture of the room itself, may be 'invisible'. This is not, as your grandfather no doubt maintains, because "women are stupid" but simply because they have a tendency to perceive 'negative space', the gaps between objects rather than the objects themselves.

The widely-held belief that women only like adventure games can be explained by recent studies, which found that women spend 43 minutes a day making personal calls and men only 22. Women speak, on average 9,000 words a day, while men utter a mere 2,000. Generally speaking, women communicate more and enjoy the act of talking and interacting more than men.

Anyway, before you start moaning about crap girl gamers or bad parking arguments, remember this: until six weeks into your mother's pregnancy, you were a girl. Then your defective X chromosome kicked in. Everything went haywire and for some reason your nipples weren't absorbed. Your clitoris, however, remained and grew and grew into your penis. Just remember that.

PUT TO THE TEST

We put PC ZONE's 12-Part System for getting your girlfriend into games to the test. We took a bunch of girls, various games, applied the system and tried to convert them to the Dark Side. Here's what happened...

NAME: Paula

AGE: 27

JOB: Make-up artist

STANCE ON COMPUTER GAMES BEFORE: "Boring waste of time. A typically mindless male pursuit."

STANCE AFTER: "No different. The kind of thing you do in the absence of any other stimulation or activity. When you're trapped in the house and there's no alternative. It makes me want to go and read a book."

VERDICT: Thoroughly resisted conversion to the Dark Side.

NAME: Vanessa

AGE: 22

JOB: Model

STANCE ON COMPUTER GAMES BEFORE: "I've only played PlayStation games before. I like martial arts games."

STANCE ON COMPUTER GAMES AFTER: "I really enjoyed them, but I still prefer games that get my adrenalin going."

VERDICT: Converted.

NAME: Mandy

AGE: 27

JOB: Hairdresser

STANCE BEFORE: "I've played puzzley games like Tetris. I get quite addicted, but how blokes can play them for hours or weeks strikes me as strange."

STANCE AFTER: "It's tempting once I get started."

VERDICT: Not much change

NAME: Emma

AGE: 24

JOB: Archaeologist

STANCE BEFORE: "They're all full of blood and violence. For boys who haven't grown up. I like building games like SimCity."

STANCE AFTER: "A bit disappointed you can't shoot people's legs off, but yeah, good fun."

VERDICT: Success.

NAME: Helen

AGE: 28

JOB: Stockbroker

STANCE BEFORE: "They are quite good, but far too complicated. A solitary, masturbation-type thing."

STANCE AFTER: "Yeah, good. I like them. Although I don't think I'm going to develop a habit or anything."

VERDICT: Our job here is done.

Quake ll

PAULA: "It's quite dismal. I don't have any sense of where I am. I'm just running around mindlessly. (Picks up some health 'biscuits.') Have those things disappeared because I picked them up? I don't know where I am. Am I trapped underground? Don't know where I've come from, don't know how to get out (she spends minutes shooting wall fillings). How do I know that's a door? I don't really understand the rewards. I get mild satisfaction from shooting someone. And blowing their head off."

Motocross Madness

PAULA: "I like the outside setting and the freedom. It's exhilarating to move over nice bumpy terrain. It doesn't look that realistic".

VANESSA: "I love this. It's more me. I love racing. The graphics aren't that amazing. I do like the crashes, though. It's wicked. I could play this for hours. It's brilliant. Wheeeeee (performs enormous, deadly cartwheel which should splatter drivers against the rockface like a plum). There's so much open space all over the place. I even like falling off."

MANDY: "It's a bit samey. What are you supposed to do? I like having race-oriented goals. I wouldn't buy it. It's got really weird, illogical controls."

EMMA: "Don't think much of the ground. How are you supposed to know where you're going? I've never been on a bike before... Oooh! I'm doing a wheelie! (The girls clap.) Why is it so sunny? It wouldn't be sunny. It'd be all muddy, like on KickStart, with people standing around who you could hit."

Pacman

PAULA: "Immediately challenging, but there's a really depressing quality about it. The `so what' factor is very strong. The graphics are shit - just lines and dots on a bit of paper. Don't care whether I win or lose. (Indignant) How old is this game?"

Half-Life

PAULA: "Much more exciting than Quake II. More problem solving - more appealing in that sense. The tension is greater and there's more suspense. The usual dismal, claustrophobic setting. It makes me feel anxious and tense. Ah! Ah! (Genuinely screams loudly when she sees a zombie.) That's horrible! I get bored when I go round and round in circles. It makes you aware of how mindless it is. It's quite satisfying - oh (plummets 10,000 feet to her doom) but it's quite satisfying to kill a bizarre monster."

VANESSA: "Feels more real than on the PlayStation. It's quite exciting - all these holes to jump through. It's exciting to use all these fingers. I hate it when I lose. I love guns. I like holding the gun. I thought I just came up the ladder. Why should I go down again? I wish something more exciting would happen. This is boring."

MANDY: "This is good. I like this. I like the fact that you're making progress. I'm excited. I like the way his arm moves (she ducks to avoid low pipes on screen). Quite impressive, but I couldn't play it for hours."

Grim Fandango

HELEN: "Superb. I like things like this. I like shooting things, it leads you into the scenario. You have to find something, secret things (she is getting visibly excited). There's a mystery. That gave me a rush of pleasure (she finds the way out of the first room). That looked like it should do something. I want to go back and see."

EMMA: "it's the kind of game where you'd suddenly realise it was 2am and you had to get up for work in the morning. I like the music that's on in the background."

MANDY: "There's so much more to see - it's a lot more interesting to look at. I like the detail. You're not just doing the same thing over and over again. It's good because this isn't the kind of game where my boyfriend could phone me up to brag about his high score. Yeah, he does that"

[cozytruecrimeaddict]

I Think I Need Help (Hotch x OC) pt 3

Hey I’m back. (Also I wish the pages app would show me the word count on these because dang, this was like 5 pages of writing)

So this does not 100% follow season 2 episode 11 anymore. 

However, my warnings still stand

WARNINGS: regular CM violence, rape, suicide, self harm, and light cheating 

Nothing besides the light cheating goes into a lot of detail, just mentions and I want anyone who reads this to be prepared

I quickly rush to gather anything that is visible and bloody and stash it. I remember when I first got close with Aaron, I gave him a key to my place. In case anything happened, so someone had access to my stuff and whatever else might be needed. I’m surprised he didn’t use it this morning. 

After that I showered as fast as I could, coming back into my room and changing. I threw everything I needed into my bag and ran into the kitchen, only to find Aaron sitting at my kitchen table. 

“Did you speed here or something?” I smiled at him. Just pretend Sam. He won’t figure it out. He won’t try to profile you.

“I was worried. I don’t like being worried about you.”

“Well, you’re not my Dad, Aaron. You don’t have to worry about me.” 

“Morgans brought up that he’s worried too.”

“I’m fine.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that. You haven’t been acting like yourself.”

“I’m fine Aaron. I don’t know what I can do to prove it to you. I’m just stressed and tired. Lets get back to the office okay.”

Aaron stood up, brushing past me on the way to the door. I really hate lying to him. But, there’s no way in hell I’m telling him the truth. Just one more, before you go. I shake off the thought. I’m not addicted to this again. This isn’t my life. This won’t be my life. I’ll die before that happens. 

“So, what did I miss this morning?” I ask, kinda annoyed I slept in on such an important case. 

“No new suspects, yet. Another body was found, this one with word ‘failure’ carved into her abdomen. Gideon had just started his psych eval with Nathan before I left.” 

Failure, did he emphasize that word on purpose? Is that all he thinks of you. Just the little kid charity case he has to babysit. He hates you. He doesn’t want you around.

“So, how likely is it that the kid did it?” I shake off my thoughts. Stop it Sam. Aaron is one of your best friends. He loves you and cares about you. No he doesn’t. Stop pretending.

“It’s hard to say, I don’t want to believe he did it, but it is still possible.”

I sighed, trying to calm my thoughts. How strange though, to be comforted by the thought of my blood running down my arm. 

“Aaron…”

“Sam.”

“Please don’t worry about me. I promise, I’m fine. And if I wasn’t, I’d do whatever it takes to make sure I stayed alive for you and everyone else.”

“The do whatever it takes part is what worries me.” Aaron started, changing lanes and pulling into our parking lot. “Ever since you started with us, you’ve become one of my best friends. I really care about you and I know, I’m over protective.”

I can’t. I can’t have him caring. Theres only one way out of these thoughts. If 10 years wasn’t enough to end them completely, what would be?

“Let’s just get inside..” I got out of the car, and he followed. 

The elevator ride took forever. I felt Aaron watching me, studying me. As we reached the floor the offices were on, I stepped forward.

“Don’t try to profile me, Aaron. You won’t like what you find.”

He came up along side of me and whispered something in my ear that made my heart sink. 

“I know your neighbors aren’t in a band. I’ll figure out what’s going on eventually” 

And he just walked away.

I sat down by Reid as Gideon had brought the kids mom into his office. From the looks of it, it wasn’t going too well. 

The day passed by me in a blur of files, and trying to figure out how this all could have happened. How am I still here, why am I here. I’m not helping this investigation whatsoever and I’m really no use to the BAU at all. Especially if they all have to worry about me. 

Thats when I noticed it, a damp spot on the left arm of my black top. I must have subconsciously started picking at the cuts. I get up and head to the bathroom, cleaning and drying them as quickly as possible. I got back to my desk, and Nathans mom was looking for him. He wasn’t back at home in his room and she had found some pretty disturbing edits to an edition of Hustler. 

We all split up and made our way through the street searching for him. Until, another body was found.

This was…. wrong. Our unsubs profile was literally that he kills early in the morning. Not killing late at night, and to also have him dump this girl at the base of the Federal Building? It doesn’t make sense. Even if he was devolving, this takes risk. This takes prior knowledge of what’s happening around here. 

Hotch says as much, but it still doesn’t mean Nathan didn’t just do this as he was passing the poor girl and kept running. 

Reid follows a local cop who found the kid, and he brings him in. 

Back at the offices, Aaron asks to speak to me in his. 

“I think you should sit the rest of this one out, Sam.” 

“Why, Aaron?”

“You’re not all here, and I don’t know what’s going on with you, but no one is going to think any less of you for taking a couple days to figure it out.”

“I don’t know what else I can do to prove to you that I am okay. Am I the same as I was? No. But who would be? I know what actually went through some of these girls minds.” My chest tightened, and for a second, just a second, I was back in his basement, my hands tied behind me as he pushed himself into me. 

“Sam…” I heard Aarons voice, he sounded distant. 3 days, 17 hours, 22 minutes. I gave up. I was ready to die. They didn’t need me.

“Sam, I’m right here. You’re okay.” No, I’m not. I felt something gripping my wrist. No. I smelled the alcohol on his breath. I tried, I tried to break free. 

“No…” I whispered.

“Sammi!” Aaron raised his voice just a little, and the scene around me went back to his office.

“I… Wha… Aaron?” I felt something wet fall from my eyes, I pressed my finger gently underneath, wiping away tears. Aaron guided me to sit down in front of his desk, he kept his hand on my left forearm. That must be why I felt pressure, he probably grabbed me to help steady me. He leaned on his desk.

“Want to explain what just happened?” 

“If I knew, I promise you, I would.” 

“Talk me through it.”

There was a knock on the door. 

“Hang on a second, Sam.”

Gideon appeared, nodding at me.

“We found our guy, and we’re heading out to grab him now.” 

“Alright, I’ll be down in a second.” 

Gideon left, and Aaron came back to me.

“You’re sitting this arrest out, Sam. I want you to stay here and help Garcia. That’s an order.”

“I’m…”

“Don’t say you’re fine. We’ll talk about this later.” 

I went off to help Penelope with whatever she needed, 

She had everything under control and mostly we just talked. 

“Okay, but Sammi my love, you need to give me the details!” She smiled at me.

“What details Pen?” Seriously, what did she want.

“About Hotch? He’s so private with everyone except you. Like who is he? Is he a good kisser? A girl needs to know these things.”

I laughed. She wants to know everything I can tell her about Hotch?

“Oh no, I am not crossing that line.”

“Oooooh which lines and how many have you guys crossed.”

“He’s just my best friend.”

“hey!” 

“Okay, my best guy friend. I need my girls nights with you and JJ” 

“So no after work make out sessions?”

“He has Haley.”

“If all men were loyal, crimes of passion wouldn’t exist sweetheart.”

“He’s loyal to her.” As far as I knew. 

But, before I could have too much fun, something dark started creeping into my mind again.

She is just babysitting you. You were too much of a burden to be in the field, and you’re a burden on her. Why are you still even here? Why do you even bother waking up. Change that detail, and their lives would be better. You weren’t even good enough for the creep in his moms basement, or he wouldn’t have let you go back to them. 

Garcia noticed me zoning out, but by then, the team was back and Reid was talking to Nathan again. 

“Okay, that’s it. We’re going out tonight.” 

“Oh no, I’m not in the mood.”

“I will drag you. You are coming.”

She pulled me to my feet and dragged me out of her office. 

“Reid, come on. We’re going out.”

“I really wouldn’t be much company tonight.”

“You’re coming.” She insisted.

“Listen to her Reid, she’s dragging me along.”

He smiled at me, but gave in and got up. 

As we got to Pennys car, Reids cell phone rang. Everything just happened so fast. I was starting to psych myself up for heading out with them, but it wasn’t okay.

“Drive, and hurry.” Reid said as we all climbed into Penelope’s car. 

“What happened?”

“It’s Nathan…” Reid said. 

Oh no…. 

We got to the motel room, and everything was just wrong. Nathan was across the bed, both wrists slashed. 

I wasn’t in the motel anymore. I was 13 again. I was laying across my bedroom floor, begging for a reason. Any reason at all, to just stay. I couldn’t think of one. My own parents abandoned me because I was such a freak. I was too smart for my own good, yet not smart enough. I was graduating high school, and getting ready to start college at my age? The world was just beginning to open up, yet everything felt so small. Everyday everyone told me I was better off dead. Teachers ignored me. No foster parents cared enough to keep me around for more than a year. But that was all about to change. I wouldn’t be around long enough to care anymore. 

I felt myself put pressure on Nathans left arm, at the same time Reid got to his right. 

“Spencer…” I whispered, there was too much blood. Theres a chance that this kid was going to get what he wants. His answer to the pain. 

Everything faded into the background, as a paramedic guided me and Reid off the kid. 

I looked down, and my top was covered in blood, whether its my own or not, I don’t know. 

Outside, the team was waiting by the ambulance for us. 

Gideon guided Reid back towards his car, and Morgan took Penelope. But of course, I was alone. I started making the walk back to get to my apartment. I wasn’t even too far back to the main road when Hotch pulled up.

He got out of his car and hugged me to him.

“What happened? When Garcia said attempted suicide I thought…”

“I told you Aaron, I’d do whatever it takes to survive.”

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” 

“I’m fine with walking, if you had an extra shirt or something though, that’d be much appreciated.” 

“Sam, get in the car. I’m not playing this game tonight.” 

So, I gave in. I became the charity case yet again. The little girl who always needs her friends to protect her, even when she doesn’t deserve it. 

Hotch took the 20 minute drive back to my house. Instead of just dropping me off, and letting me head in to be with my thoughts, he followed me inside. 

“I’m fine.”

“We discussed this earlier, I never have and never will believe those words.”

“You should be with your wife and son.”

“I’m staying here tonight. I’m not leaving you alone right now, until I know you’re okay.” 

I sighed, putting my gun and badge in a drawer in my hallway and locking it. 

“I’m not your charity case, Aaron. I don’t need your help.” 

“Charity…. Sammi, is that really how you see yourself?” 

“Ever since I was taken..” 3 days, 17 hours, 22 minutes. “You and everyone else have been acting like one wrong turn and I’m going to break.”

“I’m going to break one of our rules tonight Sam, and I hope you can forgive me.”

“Aaron, we only have one rule for our friendship to work, and that’s that we can’t profile each other…”

He guided me to sit down on the couch and look at him. I hated that he was about to do this, and I hate that I need him in my life. I hate that I can’t let go to make his life easier.

“Ever since you’ve been back, you jump at every sound. You empathize better with our female victims, especially those who have been assaulted, which leaves me to believe that while we were trying to find you, you were assaulted, or at least threatened with it. The way you’re trying to get away from me right now makes me almost positive of that fact. The way you got lost in the blood from this past case leaves me to believe you have some kind of issue involving blood from the past, possible childhood or early adolescence. Once again, your body language right now gives me reason to think I’m correct. The way you’ve been….”

“S…st.. stop. Aaron. Please.” I moved closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. I took a breath, trying to steady myself. “If I tell you what happened when I was taken, you will never stop seeing me as this victim. I will never stop feeling like a burden on the team. I will never be able to get back what I lost. You want the truth, Agent Hotchner, the truth is that I’m barely hanging on. However, I’m fighting like hell to keep my head above water. All I have to do that with is my job, and making sure I stop the next creep before they do what they did to me, to someone else. If I tell you what happened, or anything that I have going through my head, you won’t even like me anymore. You’ll transfer me off to some other department and I won’t have only lost my job, or my friends, but I’d have lost my family. I’d have lost the only person that I love.” 

I didn’t realize it, but I had gotten so close to him. Our faces mere inches apart. I don’t know what’s happening. Why am I doing this. He’s married. He’s my best friend. But here I am, once again, messing things up. That was when I felt it. I saw his dark eyes staring into my blue ones. My heart literally skipped a beat, and in that second, Aaron had placed his hands under my chin and pulled me up to him. He kissed me softly, slowly. I moved just a little bit, wrapping my arms around his neck. Why was I doing this. Haley. Jack. I needed to stop. But, this felt right. As I pulled him to me, he leaned forward just a little bit more, causing us to fall backwards on my couch. I gasped, and I just stopped. I moved my hand to his chest, pushing back a little.

“We can’t..”

“I’m… I’m sorry. I…” He stuttered.

“I.. I can’t Aaron.”

“You said I didn’t like you.. you don’t even know how much…” 

“Stop.” I felt my eyes burning. I liked Haley, she was kind enough to ask me to be Jacks godmother. 

I moved Aaron off of me and got up.

“I need to shower, you… you can st..stay but I’m going to sh..shower and head to bed.” 

As I stormed off down the hall, I looked back to see Aaron sitting there with his head in his hands. I know he must be upset, he just kissed me when he’s married to Haley. I won’t be the reason his marriage ends. I just won’t.

[sunshinejs]

Hesitate [Part 3 of Be Alright]

A/N: Long overdue but I’m finally done with my thesis so yay for that! This last part is inspired by Hesitate by Jonas Brothers because I had the idea right after I went for their concert I still miss them so much wow my pcd is horrible. Anyways I hope you enjoy this one! 

On a totally different note, I hope everyone is doing okay in their isolations! It’s not an easy time for the world right now but I hope there is something we can look forward to soon. Always remember to check in with loved ones and my ask/inbox is always open if you need a friend to talk to. Stay healthy and safe, my loves ❤️

————————————————————

Be Alright [Part 1] | Back to You [Part 2]

Word count: 2.4k

Being on the road was not as easy as Connor thought it would be. The more days he spent working and travelling, the lesser time he had on his phone. The first few months, he tried to check up on you almost every day. Although it consists a lot of saying ‘hey’ and getting a proper reply hours later because of the time zone, he made sure to send you updates and sometimes little snippets of the work he was doing.

You were proud of him. Extremely proud. You were happy that Connor got to live his dreams, get the exposure he was getting while working for Shawn and visiting beautiful places that he would never expect to go to.

But when the Asian leg of the tour kicked in, it became harder for the both of you catch up via Facetime and texts became less frequent. When it was morning for you, Connor was already fast asleep and vice versa.

And you didn’t mind it. You couldn’t keep depending on your best friend who was on the other end of the world. It was just a few months left until he would be back with you, Mike and Sam at UCLA and that was the one thing you would look forward to.

xxx

Connor was in the middle of editing a video backstage, a few hours before the concert started. The past few days has been rough on him and his sleeping schedule was screwed up.

He admits; the past few months have been such an opportunity for him but with a job this big meant the risk that comes along with it was big as well. He needed to follow certain schedules by Andrew, get things done on time, go around backstage filming for their ‘behind the scenes’, adjust his body clock to totally different time zones.  

He was really looking forward to head back to LA and spending time with his family, his friends, and especially you. Connor hasn’t spoken to you in over 2 weeks and he felt guilty that he keeps forgetting to send you a text before he’s piled with his work.

Connor shuts his laptop after saving his work and picked up his phone. Checking the world clock to confirm that he wouldn’t be bothering you when he called, he then switched to Facetime.

When you didn’t answer his call, he wanted to send you a text instead just to let you know that he hasn’t been dead for the past 2 weeks. As he opened your chat, he noticed the ‘last seen’ under your name was 3 days ago. Connor became anxious. You weren’t really the type of person to not check your chats daily.

“Hello?”

“Mike?” Connor sighed in relief when his best friend answered “Hey man, how are you?”

“Same old same old, Brash” He chuckled “Why are you calling me? Aren’t you usually working right now?”

“I was but then I realized I haven’t spoken to y/n in a while and I felt bad” Connor admitted “I called her but she didn’t answer and her Whatsapp said she’s been MIA for 3 days. Have you seen her recently?”

When Mike remained silent, Connor grew more and more nervous. He knew there was something that he didn’t know.

“Mike?”

“She didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Connor asked; feeling an uneasy feeling in his stomach “Mike, did something happen? Is she okay?”

“Nothing happened to her, Con” Mike reassured; already feeling that his friend was on the edge of freaking out even more “Con, her grandma passed away a few days ago”

And that, made Connor feel like the worst best friend in the whole world.

“I thought she told you, man…” Mike said with guilt “She headed back home last week because her mom said her grandma was in a critical condition and she wanted to be there for her in case anything happened”

“And you haven’t heard from her since?” Connor asked.

“She told Laila that she wasn’t going to classes for a couple of weeks” He answered “None of us has heard anything from her”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Connor frowned “I’ve been here, totally oblivious to how she is doing when I should be there with her. I should be comforting her the way she was there for me when I was at my lowest”

“Con, you know this isn’t your fault” Mike insisted “Look, she understands that your job is pretty big right now and if she dropped the news on you, you’re going to want to come home when she knows you can get in trouble for it”

“I can’t sit here, Mike” He shook his head “You know damn well that I can’t continue with my job knowing that she needs me more than ever right now”

“I gotta go… I have to sort things out with my boss”

“Connor,” Mike sighed before Connor could hang up “Just… Don’t get in too much trouble, okay?”

“I don’t know, Mike” He muttered in return “But I guess I’d have to take the risk”

xxx

“No”

“What do you mean no?” Connor gawked. Shawn, who sat next to Andrew, shifted uncomfortably because he knew this was going to end bad.

Andrew sighs as he looks away from his laptop “Connor, look buddy, I get that it’s a difficult thing for you to not be there for her… But I cannot allow you to fly home when we need you around”

“Andrew, we have enough footages!” He reasoned back “Please, man. I just need to go home for a couple of days to make sure she’s fine”

“You signed a contract” Andrew said sternly “That said you would be working unless something happens to an immediate family. Since it’s not you grandma, I can’t let you leave”

“Andrew-,”

“No buts” He cut Connor off “I don’t want to hear it, Connor. A deal is a deal. We made an agreement that you signed to not go against. I can’t do anything about it”

Without another word, Andrew got up from his chair and left the room, leaving Connor angrier than ever.

“Connor” Shawn snapped him out of his thoughts “Go,”

“What?” Connor asked confusingly, looking over at his friend.

“I’ll handle Andrew” He assured “Go home. Take the week off and meet us in Australia, okay?”

“He’s going to be pissed” Connor stated.

“He’s being unreasonable” Shawn shrugged “Listen, I’ve heard you go on and on about this girl of yours so she must be really special. If she needs you, go be there for her”

“Thank you, man” He sighed in relief “Just… Thank you for letting me do this”

xxx

It was a day of long flights for Connor and his body was drained. He sent you a few texts last night but as predicted, the grey ticks didn’t turn to blue ticks.

With his little luggage, he dragged it behind him up to your driveway where 2 cars were parked, which meant you and your mom were home.

It took a few seconds after he rang the doorbell to hear footsteps approaching. When the door opens and your mom saw Connor standing before her, she was taken aback.

“Connor,” She said in a surprised tone.

“Hi Mrs. y/l/n” He greeted politely “Can I come in?”

“Yeah honey, of course” She answered and moved aside. Once they were in, she asked “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming back until December?”

“I was” Connor nodded “But I also heard what happened”

Your mom could only nod understandingly “She told you?”

“Actually, no” Connor frowned “Found out from Mike but I’m really sorry for your loss. How have you been holding up?”

“I’m alright, honey, thank you” She smiled softly “It’s been a difficult time for us but we know she’s in a better place now”

“I’m more worried for y/n right now” Your mom continued. Connor could see the bags under her eyes and how strained she sounded “It took a toll on us but she’s taking a longer time to process it all”

“Do you mind if I see her?”

“Not at all, Connor” She replied “I know she’s always saying she doesn’t need to depend on anyone but we both know she relies on you a lot and right now, she needs you more than ever”

“I rely on her just as much” Connor chuckled softly “It’s the least I can do for her as well”

xxx

Connor knocks thrice on the door and waited for a response. He waited for another minute before knocking again but still didn’t get an answer. When he found the door was unlocked, he pushed it open; only to be met with a dark room.

Your bed was messy, curtains drawn and the only light entering the room was from the street lights outside. He watched you at your balcony; back facing him with your headphones on, which explained why you didn’t respond.

He slowly walked over to the balcony and stepped out of the room. He didn’t know how he could get your attention without scaring you too much so he rested his hand on your head.

You were startled when you felt something on your head and your heart starting beating faster. You slowly looked up and saw Connor instead, you let out a sigh of relief.

“Con?” You asked with wide eyes as you proceed to take off your headphones “What are you doing here?”

“Hey,” He greeted softly and slide down on the floor next to you “What? No hug?” He asked in a teasing voice.

You rolled your eyes playfully but leaned forward to give him a hug. Connor wraps his arms around you protectively and let you bury your head in the crook of his neck “Mike told me what happened” He said softly “I’m so sorry, sweets”

He hears your shaky breath and felt the tears on his neck. He rubs your back comfortingly, running his hand in an up and down motion “Hey,” He cooed “Let it all out, sweets”

“I just miss her, Con” You sniffled “I miss her so much”

“I know, baby” Connor pressed a kiss to your head “And I’m so sorry she’s not here anymore but she is always going to be looking out for you; no matter what”

There was nothing else he could do except let you cry it out while he holds you.

Out of everyone he knows, you were one of the strongest people he has met. To see you in a fragile state like this broke him. He wished nothing more to take your pain away. He’d take the pain for you if he could.

“You didn’t have to come back home just for me, Con” A few minutes later, you spoke softly.

He pushed you away a little so he could look at you and wiped away your tears “Of course I had to” Connor insisted “You’re my best friend and I would never hesitate for you, ever”

“Did you get in trouble with your work for it?” You frowned.

When he avoided your gaze, you sighed “Connor…”

“Look, don’t worry about it, okay?” Connor insisted “I’ll work through it when the time comes. The important thing is that I need to make sure that you’re okay”

You leaned your head against his shoulder “Thank you” You said softly “For being here with me”

Connor intertwines your finger and brings your hand up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the back of your hand “You’ve been there for me through my lows. Let me take care of you now”

xxx

It’s a few days later and Connor was dreading to leave you once again.

“Connor, I’m going to be fine” You reassured him as you both stood near the gates at the airport “Go, dofus” You chuckled softly “You’ll miss your flight”

“That’s a good thing, right?” He asked “I can tell Shawn I missed it and I’ll just have to stay”

“Connor,” You gave him a pointed look “You can’t avoid work forever. Go. I’ll be fine”

“100%?” He asked, biting his lower lips in hesitance.

“110%” You smiled “Now give me a hug and get your ass out of here”

“Bossy”

“Thank you for checking up on me” You muttered against his shoulder “I’ll see you in a month, right?”

“A month” He nods, wrapping his arms around you “Promise me you’ll eat and sleep regularly?”

“Yes, mother” You rolled your eyes playfully and pulled away “Call me when you land”

Connor waves to you one last time before he headed towards the gate. Every step he takes, the more he felt reluctant to leave you. He spun around and saw you in the same spot; watching him.

Connor sighs. Guess it’s now or never.

He rushes towards you, noticing your expression changed to confused.

“Did you forget something?” You asked once he was near to you.

“Can I just do something now that I may or may not regret?” Connor asked nervously.

You raised an eyebrow “That depends. Wait, what are you-,” Connor interrupts you by bringing his hands up to face, and pressing his lips against yours.

It felt like a split second to you. Saying goodbye to Connor, watching him run back to you, him kissing you, you kissing him back.

It felt like there was no one else around you and the world stopped working.

Connor takes a deep breath after he pulls away moments later and rests his forehead against yours with his eyes closed.

“Uhh… Well…That was…”

“If you say awkward, I’m going forget this ever happened and move to Japan” Connor threatened.

You let out a chuckle and shook your head. Your arms wrapped around his neck; fingers playing with the ends of his hair “Unexpected, that’s all” You answered.

“Felt like if I left you again without kissing you… I’ll never really tell you how I feel about us”

“Wow, hey there, Brashier. Don’t get ahead of yourself” You joked “You haven’t even taken me out on a date so there really isn’t an ‘us’ right now”

Connor rolls his eyes playfully “I’ll take you on all the dates when I get back”

“Deal… But for now, I’ll see you in month, okay?”

“It’s going to be the longest month ever”

————————————————————

Please reblog or leave a comment! ❤️

x rina

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The Loud House Reviews: Schooled!

Season 5, and regular coverage begin! The loud house finally moves into a new year chronologically: Lincoln and Co move up to Middle School but find themselves seperated when LIncoln accidently signs up for the wrong class and ends up with a mean teacher and frienemy chandler, and then ends up commuting to a Canadian school instead. The Canada part is more believable than a middle school not having multiple teachers for multiple subjects frankly but more ranting on that later. Meanwhile in order to get Lori moves on to college only to find every dorm is a comedic set piece, and Lynn Sr and Rita try to get Lily ready for pre school by potty training her. Finally in all this chaos Leni ends up attending pre school. Again still more believable than the single class thing. Ramblings about well guess, how amazing it is the show has lasted this long in this day and age, my thoughts on Lynn Jr being kind a obnoxious. 50% chad and my lessened hatred for rusty. Which again I assure you is more believable than the single class nonsense. Back to School, under the cut.

Welcome readers new and old to regular coverage of The Loud House! Couple of reasons for that. The first is, like amphibia, so I don’t fall behind as I tend to procastinate and let episodes of shows pile up, and i’m tired of it. The second is that I feel we need more Loud House content on this site that’s not loudcest, people shipping sam and lincoln soley to try and get back at the show for having a gay couple, and some weird stuff I can’t quite unwrap because i’m old. And keep in mind I understand 50% chad just fine.. look at him. 

So yeah I have a feeling young or old, i’m not the only one scared to go int here and hopefully I can give ya’ll something fun to look forward to or worth sifting through it. 

Now i’ve covered the show before.. 4 times in fact, having covered Brave the last dance as a one off way back and having covered ALL THREE SALUNA episodes during pride month. So check those out if you want my previous thoughts on the show as a whole, my faviorite character and her special lady, and me ranting about rusty/.. and we’ll get to him. But i’ve got a lot to talk about, some of it not directly about the episode so pitter pat er let’s get at eer.  The first thing I want to talk about is.. how big an occasion the show is. It’s not only at 5 seasons but it recently got renewed for a 6th and still has a movie on the way.. as I hope so does rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.. please don’t let that movie have been canceled, that show went from okay to leaving me wanting more of my mad dogs... but yeah getting back on track they’ve offically reached... 

And that’s.. incredibly rare ESPECIALLY for nick. I mean yes spongebob will never die, and the fairly oddparents died way after it should’ve, but for the most part nick is a giant tire fire of dickheads when it comes to running a network. They have an absolutley ghastly habit of canceling a show as soon as possible, and if they already commissioned season 2 shuttling it to sister network nicktoons to die a quite death. They expect every show to become an overnight sucess, or else and it’s a freaking disgusting practice. And it’s still going: I mean just to bookend it, around the same time loud house started, we got the utter classic Harvey Beaks. The show had a sizeable audiences and what kids I showed it to loved it but because it wasn’t doing spongebob numbers Nick shuttled it to nicktoons then yelled at it’s creator for daring to be upset they you know.. moved his show to their designated graveyard without telling him and ended the show without giving them notice to change the ending. The final episode still WORKS as a final episode, but it wasn’t INTENDED to end on a bittersweet note and I blanme that on nick.  The bookend part comes from the fact that about a month before this Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turltes ended it’s run.. on Nicktoons, with no fanfare and like Harvey fans likely only knowing thanks to scheduling, had it’s final season cut in half so they had to rush the pacing of the final few episodes to wrap up as much as they could, AND the cancelation reason was the always reliably stupid “low toy sales” excuse.  The odds of a show surviving on nick, nevermind thriving are very slim and even outside the nightmare factory that is my once beloved childhood network, most animated shows last around 3 seasons. Disney channel usually cuts htem off around 4, and cartoon network around 3 if their that nice, with utter classic OK KO being one of the latest victims of the cancelation bug, and steven unvierse only got a 6th season after essentially being canceled and having to rush the ending, only THEN getting to go back and fill in the cracks with Future and the Movie.  And unlike fellow network loved show that’s gone on for a while, Teen Titans Go, the Loud House is still a pretty good show. It has it’s bumps, we’ll talk about some of them here and i’ve talked about em before, especially the “”With the casagrandes mini” which could’ve easily hurt said show but thankfully didn’t. It’s grown, going from being about the one boy among ten girls to being about all 11 kids, AND their parents and making earnest attempts to make once hated characters like Lori and Lola fully fleshed out.. it’s been more 50 50 with lynn, but more on that later. My point is the show’s tried to evolve, to grow out of having a simple status quo and actually let things change and it’s refreshing when a lot of comedy shows refuse to. The show CAN be hit ore miss in quality, but hte misses have become less cruel and the hits have become that much more impactful. 

Not only that but the show surivived the seeming impossible of it’s creator being revealed to be a sexual harassing creepy asshole who hopefully gets his dick sanded off for all eternity when he invetibly ends up in hell or whatevers next. Screw him but good on Nick for firing him swiftly, one of the few times in the last few years i could really say that about them and not be sarcastic, and good on the crew for carrying on easily without him. 

My point is.. it’s nice to not be attending another show’s funeral. After rise and then venture bros, it’s NICE to have a show surivive and carry on and decide NOT to rest at this stage and stay in it’s comfort zone but shake things up a bit. It’s nice in this stinkhole of a year to have something to celebrate, and yes i’m aware a back to school specail is ill timed, for obvious reasons, but it was likely in production long before covid and I can’t fault the writers for wanting to give kids an escape, nor for doing the quarntine special earlier to help them talk through it. So congrats loud house you earned it.  Now that’s out of the way, the not resting thing.. the thing that has me covering the show, and had me exxcited for this episode.. is that they decided to shake things up a lot by moving all the kids up an age and moving Lori up to college. And what makes this work.. is this wasn’t something they just sprung on the audience. it would’ve worked with that after 4 years of the same age and general stuff.. but season 3 started setting it up with Lincoln and Clyde’s middle school visit and Lori’s college interview, both things i’ll likely cover ventually, while Season 4, after the mini series, had most Lori episodes focus on getting her ready for it: From her senior year, to Leni realizing she’d be gone and being panicky over it, to her working to get a car, which she rides off in this episode. The show dedicated one of it’s few arcs, and probably the only non-romantic one outside of Ronnie Anne and Bobby moving to their spinoff, to this. 

They were all in on this and there was no turning back, and shaking up the status quo like this is a risk as some viewers fear change and run from it like cowards> Me.. I loved it. I loved the idea of taking Lincoln to a new school, giving him and his friends new stuff to do and new challenges to face,  having Lori move away, have Luna learn to drive, have Lisa enter kindergarten, Lily say more etc. And there’s even things I didn’t think of that two upcoming episode synposis suprised me with: birthday episodes, though it’d be best to spread them out but i’m hoping strife of the party isn’t the only one, and the power vacum: Can Leni take over for Lori.. should she? Should Luna or Luaan try instead. Do they even want to? it’s all good questions. It’s a simple but small change that helps change up the show for the better, opens up new avenues while not salting the earth for the old as demonstrated by half of the upcoming episdoes for the next two weeks being ones that could’ve been done at any point in the show. 

So yeah my hype was at maxium, helped by the fact I love one hour specials of shows: “Change Your Mind” “Reign Storm”, all three ducktales have done so far with “Let’s Get Dangeorus” likely adding to that list.. it’s usually a great time for shows to go all out, show waht they got and tell deeper stories. So the big question all this has been leading up to: what did loud house, 5 seasons in,k with a clean slate and tone sof potetial do with their premiere? Well let’s take a look shall we?  This episode is divided into 4 plots, one of which is really a plot inside a plot but still technically 4, all centered around school starting: Lincoln and Co have their first day of middle school, Lori is moving to college after all that setup, and Lily is finally old enough for daycare. And Lynn Sr is having a slow motion breakdown at first, he gets out of it quickly, because understandably he’s feeling mealcholy about not only having all his kids in school but having his first leave him. Sure he still has a full hosue but it’s still rough having one of the few constants in  your life , a chaotic life at that go. So each one focuses on one of them. THe fourht if your curious has Leni accidently end up in Lily’s pre school and is comedy gold. More on that in a minute.  This is actually one of the episodes problems as only Lincoln’s plot and Lori’s plot feel like they naturally dovetail, while Lily’s plot feels like an eleven minute episode that was bootstrapped to this one either to get her into daycare faster or to pad it out to an hour along with parts of the Lincoln plot. It’s till not a BAD episode, but it dosen’t feel quite as cohesive as it should, or as big in scope being an hour long, with most of the loud kids outside the four with plots not getting more than a cameo, though Lisa gets to be the best part of LIly’s plot, and Lynn.. we’ll get to her. It’s not great. I do GET why they did this, as trying to focus on ALL of them at once is nigh impossible and it let the stories breathe better, but it still feels weird that none of them have a reaction to lori being gone and frankly I think the stronger story would be to have had lily potty train LAST season, and then focus this on Lori leaving, the family adjusting, and have Lincoln’s middle school woes be the b plot. Now granted we have a full season to rumninate on her absence, and how it effects the others, so it’s not the hugest lost, but i feels like a waste of the extra time to just pile three episodes into one when a half hour could’ve done the same and saved you two half hours for later. It’s not terrible, but it could’ve been better. Now i’m done moping about the special as a whole for a second let’s break down each plot one at a time. 

The A-Plot: Lincoln Took off to Canada the Other Dayyyyyyyyy The plot is very simple and the adds and summary sadly telegraphed it.. which didn’t help because it’s very clear from the episode Lincoln getting sent to canada is a wacky twist and not supposed to be in the adds. I mean I can’t blame them it’s in half the episode, but it still would’ve been funnier if they kept it as a suprise. And yes if you didn’t know about this episode LIncoln gets sent to canada which is somehow not too weird for the show.  So Lincoln and Co are starting high school. And now’s as good a review as any to TALK about Lincoln’s supporting cast. I did a bit during my review of Brave the Last Dance but feel it’s a good time to talk about them again update opinons and what not. I do feel like they sometimes blend into each other a bit much and shine best when one of them is given the spotlight to play off the others instead of all playing a supporitng role. It’s why I like “Pasture Bedtime” and “brave the last dance” so much: They let the characters breathe while still giving one some extra focus. As for each indivdiually. 

Clyde as I said there i’ve come around on: Early on how tolerable he was was a coin flip: he could be an adorable, somewhat awkard, sheltered kid but one eager to help his friend with his various schemes, as he is now only with a love of baking which is even better. But he could ALSO be a creepy little bugger who either had a freaking anime nose bleed and fainted when Lori was around, or tried to break her and Bobby up, Bobby who is not only the nicest character on BOTH shows in general but was extra nice to Clyde despite all this. Granted I think my boy was too dense to realize Clyde was being a one man asshole parade, but still. It dosen’t help that with Savino’s later ousting for doing the same shit but as a grown ass man. Thankfully he has done a complete recovery and the Lori bit was thankfully dropped and with Bobby gone, he couldn’t hurt my baby boy anymore, so they moved on to other parts of him. Plus I love his dad’s not just for the obvious being gay dads but for being good characters in their own right. 

Stella is easily my favorite of the group, i’ve gone on about her before and Haley Tju does a wonderful job with her, and she feels a bit more three dimensional than the rest of the non-clyde members of the group. Not fully, but still a bit more than the one trait they get and hopefully like our next one up and clyde, she actually gets to start showing up outside of lincoln’s friend squad team episodes. 

Liam is easily my second faviorite. I”m aware he’s not the most complex boy: He’s a farmer, and he knows how to tame animals.. that’s about what he’s used for.. but he’s a sweet enoguh kid he makes it work. And frankly said trait works for him because shockingly, out of all of lincoln’s non clyde friends he’s shown up the MOST in stories not involving Lincoln, and even in one of those lately not involving hte rest of his friends. No really, he popped up in racing hearts in season 3, and Senior Moment and Snoops On Last season. It’s not a TON of episodes overall but compared to the rest of them it’s very noticable and I love it. More please. 

Moving on to the ones i’ve bitched about... Zach. Yeah.. my thoughts can best be summed up as this. 

I mean.. Lincoln’s friends, even the more cheerful ones are capable of feeling defeat and pesimsim, if you want one to downtalk people you have rusty, and “has a tatoo , likes antqiues and belives in cryptids” aren’t really great quirks. If they did more with them or used them OUTSIDE of his episodes sure, but otherwise .. why is he here other than not wanting to explain his absence? Sure he plays off rusty.. but Stella could easily do his role as that and even then they don’t use him for that enough to really justify being him around. Either have a point with him or quitely write him out.. Star Vs, for all it’s flaws, leanred this as far back as season 2 with alphonso and ferguson, AND when people qutestioned where they are actually brought them back to properly write them off and gave them closure in the episode they gave the rest of the echo creek cast the same. Just pick one. And if you want him to knock rusty down a peg fine, just do so.  And now Rusty.. my old nemisis.... and things have changed. Do I still LIKE Rusty? nope. Just.. nope. I don’t. He’s still a skeezy little idiot.. but I realized that unlike LIam he at least has a purpose in the group: He’s the Micheal Kelso. Granted UNLIKE kelso, they don’t go the extra mile and have his friends poke fun at him, but this isn’t that kind of friendship, and with Lynn now around more and Chandler now likely going to be the same, there’s more opprotunites for someone outside the group to rightfully insult the little moron. And if their not going to.. I realized I could. I realized I ENJOY insulting him, taking the piss out of his unjusitfied ego, and just having fun making fun fo the little goober. And more than that.. I realized he DOES have redeeming qualities. He’s a genuinely good friend, he loves his friends dearly and has no trouble showing affection despite his misplaced swagger. I may mock the kid, and I will again.. but he’s not a bad person and will likely grow out of being a dipweasel, just not on screen. I realized having a deep abiding hatred of him just wasn’t good for me when simply mocking him constantly does the trick. There are other, more important things to get pissed about. Rusty isn’t that important. But he is good joke fodder and unlike the show with Zach I refuse to pass up an opportunity. 

But yeah now that’s out of the way, the basic setup here infuraties me. It’s for mildly stupid reasons, but ones i’m going to go to bat for: Lincoln dosen’t get into the same class as his friends. As in their still treating this like elementary school and having everyone in the same class for every subject. That.. that’s not how middle school works. that’s not how any of this works. They don’t lump groups of the same kids into one tract of classes, even electives like cooking or forced ones like PE, which thanks to my autisim I was allowed to attend a diffrent kind of PE that wasn’t an utter fucking nightmare. And you may say “Well Jake your a near 30 blobby shell of a man and things change” which is accurate but they haven’t changed that much. Girl Meets World was only 6 years ago. And while they DID have Cory as the only real teacher they USED, he was still shown to be their history teacher and it was lampshaded sometimes how he wasn’t their only class. And yes I know a lot can change in 6 years, the hellscape we’re in proves that, but just simply ASKING my middle schooler nephew if this is still how that works.. and yup it is. Now it could be diffrent by region, but for the most part the conseus seems to be on diffrent teachers for diffrent subjects. And again as Girl Meets World shows, it’s not THAT complicated. Just have one teacher you use for everything or have a home room. Why do this, why. Just why exactly. Why. You barely used actually in school classes for plots anyway and mostly did stuff around the edges like crushes or lunch or dodge ball. Speaking of which where is Girl Jordan. Where IS she? Anyways, my point is this, especailly as a ned’s declassified school surivvial guide on this very network,f fan really annoys me and takes me out of things..  And the thing is they COULD’VE still done this plot just had the gang all adjust, not just lincoln, to not being in the same class togehter. Have them have to do various classes WITHOUT having each other to rely on. You could even have chandler and mr. bohlmer show up. But the way they do this just..d osen’t really make sense and just feels lazy. And if there were good jokes i’d be fine with his but their aren’t. IT’s just a mean teacher and Lincoln being picked on by a moron for the first half while his friends struggle to function without him. It’s just sad and not in the well written, well thought out way.  Then we get to “This needs to be an hour” portion of the plot as again the above could’ve EASILY worked for the full hour but because they instead went with this, they had to think of something else... and went with something bonkers that at the very least is entertaining: Lincoln, after convincing his teacher for a transfer, which I did like as he uses his head: He sees his teacher wants something diffrent for lunch and paper airplaners her a cupon for his dad’s restraunt then talks himself into an off campus lunch to talk her into a new class.. and winds up transfered to canada as she well meaningly  did so he can’t get out of. And while I thought this was just wacky exageration having him commute.. turns out .. nope. While I don’t know if any school would actually have a student commute to Canada rather than jsut stay there turns out Royal Woods is in michigan and Michigan is across a lake from Ontario.. so yeah.. they did their geography research but not their middle school one. Weird ain’t it?  Anywho, I ended up liking this portion... and not just because it has canada gooses, which means i can use this. 

And if you have a problem with Letterkenny you got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate. But yeah we get an ENTIRE number playing into canadian stereotypes and it’s clear this show is rather than using them for a cheap laugh just exagerating things for fun and a slight nudge to canadians, who I clearly love. It feels less like “oh ha ha canada” and more like if the great white north was stretched over 15 minutes but still worked. 

It’s just good fun. And they also again have an entire musical number full of canadian sterotypes and expressing love of this great country which I hope to visit some day.. and possibly live if this country countinues to get worse. It just feels nice and more creative than the first half. It’s still not FANTASTIC, but it works somehow and Ic an’t explain why. Eventually LIncoln tries to get kicked out, fails then plans to blow the hockey game for everyone and calls on his friends to help, sending them all to canada wh ere they get lost in the wilderness. There is a funny bit where Stella’s gps literally freezes over and zach acidently smashes it as well as Rusty’s “Moustache” one pathetic hair because why should his moustache be anything else freezes off. and given even with me being less vitrolic his suffering is my catnip I enjoyed it. We also get a cute sequence of them runing the ice and rusty failing at anything because of course he does, while Liam both tames a moose and slathers them in grease to swim across because of COURSE he does. Of course he does. IT’s just a refreshing jolt of energy after the first half. But we do get a really damn good scene after htey fail.. besides the fact Rusty’s head is frozen, which would be funny even if it wasnt’ happenign to rusty, that just makes it go from chuckle worthy to giant uncomfortable laugh worthy, where Lincoln gives up: They’ll still be firends and he’ll still come visit but it’s best he just adapt to his new life instead of try and fight so hard against it and he’s starting to enjoy canada. It’s a well acted and sad scene that ends with a huge hug from clyde and another bit we’ll get to in a second.  But because having LIncoln in canada would be hard to maintain for a few seasons, and because as degrassi shows me the odds of him getting nearly beaten to death, caught in school shooting, stabbed in a parking lot or ending up in a kevin smith film which back then was a treat but now is a coin flip, are very high. Seriously he dosen’t want to end up in moose jaws, he instead gets banned from canada for three years for refusing maple syurp... which is also fucking hilarious just for it’s sheer rediculousness. Who dosen’t love canadian maple syrup?  So the ballance is restored, Liam has  moose now, and Lincoln actually gets the trailer heat turned down because he asked.. this plot was not very good as I made clear and drags the specail down and it’s in part because there were other joke and character opprotunites iwth ACTUAL middle school and instead it just comes off as another episode of “Smack lincoln around because tha’ts funny right” and wastes good opprotunity. It’s not all terrible, the canada jokes worked becuase they felt like they were in good fun and more a loving jab at canada instead of just using stereotypes for sterotypes sake, and given the loud sisters started as basic character achtypes it fits the shows tone. So canada part good the rest a huge disapointment. Also before we move onto Lori: Lynn.. was utterly terrible this episode. The girl one, obviously. Lynn Sr is usually a delight. Yeahhh while I don’t hate her like some do, I do find her to be REALLY hit and miss: she’s either an enjoyable additon to the episode, an intresting lead.. or an obnoxious nightmare who makes everyone around her suffer and is used for gross out gags.. which if nothing else it’s good their using a girl for it but it dosen’t make it actually funny? And here she’s Hall Monitor and a giant terror to everyone INCLUDING THE PRINCIPAL and it feels like a waste.. other episodes have had her be lincoln’s mentor when it comes to his shift to middle school and when the time comes where that would be utterly useful... she’s instead just a jackass because they coudln’t think of something better to do with her and it’s another disapointment.  The B-Plot: Lori Loud and the Infinite Comic Set Pieces This plot was better but likely would’ve worked better in a shorter episode to me if i’m being honest, but it’s grown on me the more i’ve thought about it.. plus it has Bobby! 

I haven’t really had a chance to mention it since most Loud Houses i’ve covered are after his exit and he only really shows up in lori episodes and I haven’t covered the Casagrandes yet.. but I love this idiot. He’s sweet, charming, kind, a good boyfriend, a good big brother, and a caring individual. Sure he’s dumb as a box of hammers, but he’s a good kid and post season 1 he and lori have good chemstiry. And he was easily one of hte biggest draws to the spinoff for me which has fleshed him out nicely with his work at the Mercado, showing he is good at something. He’s just a great character and i’m glad to see him back on the mothership, even if he doesn’t do much and at most just keeps coming back to help Lori move at a moment’s notice. But it feels less like her being selfish and more like him being selfless: Sure she’s asking a lot.. but he probably gets that moving away from home and into a strage place is hard for his lady and just wants to help her be happy and settle in. Because he’s the best. 

As for why Lori keeps moving part of it is the fact that the dorms at fair way are insane comic set pieces and I am here for it. She starts out at the silent dorm, which just.. no. No on that no. Then moves to the driving range dorm which is exactly what it sounds like and is a hilarious hurricane of balls. “Sigh” Archer if you would. 

And the sand trap dorm, which just has a giant bunch of sand in the closets for some reeason.. presumibly to keep darth vader away. And yes I get it’s supposed to mimic a sandtrap but theni t should be all around like the other dorms. It’s goofy, it’s dumb.. and I can’t help but laugh at it and the fact that Fairway apparently is so intense about golf they train students via having them live on certain hazards like this was an anime... and I would totally watch a spinoff about lori that was her undergoing anime golf battles. And I hate golf. Plus put bobby in there.. he can be on two shows. Make it a diffrent world but with dragon ball z golf battles. But eventually Lori comes crying home after breaking down, like any college student living away i’m told.. and that’s where the dovetail I mention comes into play. Lori overhears lincoln’s pep talk and decides to go back and face the exesntial nightmare that is her dorm life, giving her brother a sincre hug and thanking him for uknowingly helping her. It’s a really sweet moment. It’s why her plot works for me.. it has the emotinal weight that feels lacking from the main plot. It’s a bit repetitive, but frankly that’s the show’s bread and butter at this point and i’ts more a case of which repettition works better sometimes. That one moment saves the plot form being unwatchable and Lori moves into the water hazard floor of the dorms, and is finally ready. And while at first I thought the exagerated dorms lowered the punch of things.. it really dosen’t. From what i’ve heard Dorm life isn’t easy, and being away from home is even harder. My mentally anxious self would’ve broken down within days. Their just taking it up twenty notches because loud house. The real issue is lori being homesick, which I do feel could’ve been handled better, but for what hit is it’s okay. Not as good as it couldv’e been but still better than the a-plot. But it’s a nice bit of character stuff: it shows usually in control Lori out of her element and trying to adapt and hopefully we’ll see more of her this season in that context. And more of bobby, may he reign forever. Okay one more. 

The C and D plots: Leni and Lily Go to Preschool  This one won’t take long, thank god. Lily goes to preschool, the loud parents, after some empty nest.. enjoy having the house to themselves for the first time in years. They actually have TIME with no kids and just the two of them to goof off and, presumibly off screen, boink like rabbits.. granted that’s how they clearly usually do it given they have 11 kids but still. But Lily gets sent home for popping herself, and they have to teach her to go it’s eh aside from a few bits. As I said Lisa is the best part of this as Lynn Sr and Rita yank her out of school, with Lisa responding to Cheryls worries abotu her missing school with a dry “I think i’ll be fine without finger painting”. The resolution, or at least the start of it, is genuinelly clever. Turns out Lily KNOWS how to use the potty, she just dosen’t want to go to school yet, and the Loud Parents.. actually take this well, confronting her with it but gently, understanding she may not want to leave the nest and letting her stay. 

Meanwhile Leni ends up in preschool in the shuffle of not having Lori around to guide her one brain cell. Which is honestly hilarious and her outfit for the episode is fucking dope.. I honestly wish she’d wear her hair in a ponytail more often and the jacket is nice. I wish this was her new outfit.. like they could make it green so she’s not stepping on Lola wearing pink, but it’s a nice change of pace. But yeah it’s hilarious, especially since neither she nor the actual professionals notice and it has a nice bit of subtext on tumblr noted: She may be regressing, or simply enjoying little girl school because she misses her big sister and it’s easier than navigating a scary world without her best frined. To dig into it a bit myself we’ve seen in previous episodes that Lori is her rock, who she goes to when she has a problem in her solo episodes, who she relies on. Sure they fight over a closet but they depend on each other. We saw how worried Leni was about loosing her last season, and now she’s lost her and dosen’t know what to do without her. It’ll be intresting to see more of.  Or it’s because while she’s a capable young woman she’s also as dumb as a box of hammers like her future brother in law> you make the call. Eventually Leni gets sent back, and bemoans missing all the fun of preschool.. which gets Lily to go as she gets a trampoline, and the nest is finally empty.. also Leni goes back for a few more bounces. Yeah I love this kid. She’s sweet, kind, and hilariously moranic and voiced by LIliana Mumy who along with Carols is easliy part of my stable of voice actors. So yeah the family’s moving on, etc etc, and this review is finally over.  Final Thoughts: This episode was okay. It reaks of wasted potetial, but it’s a fine enough one hour, it jsut couldv’e been MORE with such a long run time and the lily and leni bits would’ve fit better in a seperate episode. It’s not TERRIBLE but it’s just an okay start to the season and a waste of good stories and good laughs in places. Still the show’s had worse, it’s just okay overall. Not TERRIBLE but it could’ve been FANTASTIC. Next week Leni deals with the lori power vaccum and Lincoln and Clyde snoop on the neighbors. Until then you can find other loud house reviews on my blog, hit me up iwth an ask for suggetsions or a dm to comission an episode you want to see me cover and until then, GO TEAM VENTURE. Play us out servo

[ironwoman18]

This is a One shot about episode 15x04 "Saturday" with some inside of Spencer's past with some women he met.

Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own the show Criminal Minds or its characters, I just use them to imagine I'm a writer.

Paring: Spencer Reid/ Maxine 'Max' Brenner.

A New Hope

Spencer Reid had always been to busy with the reading, his work or getting more knowledge, he never looked for girls to hang out like Derek.

Of course he liked to check girls out but he was more subtle.

His first kiss was with a girl he had to protect, Lila, she was beautiful but he could not imagine him dating her, she was his job.

He never looked for an open relationship, until he met JJ fifteen year ago, she woke up that part of him that was sleeping for twenty-four years. His desire to feel loved by a woman. The problem was she did not let him past the friend zone and he gave up.

Years passed by and he met a woman who was willing to fall in love with him, Maeve, an intelligent woman who shared his love for science, poetry and literature. A match made in heaven. But there was a problem, she had a stalker, at first they thought this was an ex boyfriend but it ended up being a woman who was jealous of her success and anger because she rejected her thesis.

Diane killed herself and Maeve with the same bullet in front of him. He was losing faith in finding someone to love. He has a busy life and never had time for going out with girls.

Later he went to prison, where he realized how important was freedom and he discovered his own darkness.

When his team got him out of prison his empathy level were higher and it made him an even better profiler.

But his time in prison was all Catherine Adams' fault. She had a partner that gave him drugs and made him look like he killed the doctor he had to meet with. Her plan was to make him realized his dark side. She had success but also made him realize he will not fall in there anymore.

He even added a second gun wrapped around his ankle.

However when he thought he found peace and everything was normal again. There was a case where the unsub liked to play Truth or Dare with his victims, making them kill someone or he will kill there loved ones.

He and JJ were his hostages along with a judge and the cashier of the store they were in.

JJ took the judge's place and played when him. He asked her to tell him her deepest secret. She looked at him and dropped the bomb.

"I had always loved you" JJ says with tears in her eyes. He could not tell if it was because the tension of their situation or because she was ashamed of her confession.

This made him very confused. He always found her beautiful and had a crush on her but he gave up when they all discovered she was dating Will. JJ was his platonic love and bestfriend. He never thought she might feel the same.

When she confessed her love for him, it was a confirmation that every look, every worried moment, every hug, every tear were not because they were just friends.

Everything was uncomfortable between them since then. They found each other to look at the other when the other was distracted or were clumsy around the other. Emily sent them to investigate crime scenes together or check on dead bodies and you could feel the tension between them.

When Everett Lynch's daughter shot her and he discovered her some minutes after that, she had lost a lot of blood. He called for an ambulance and they took her to the hospital. He just prayed to whoever was up there for her to get better and to not let her die - even though he was not a religious man.

When Will said she woke up, he sighed, relieved she was alright. He got the chance to talk to her alone and she confirmed she loved him but also her husband and kids. She was sorry she had to said so and made things to complicate for them.

They could not be together and that broke his heart but he understood that and does not say anything else. He then had to go to her mother's care hospital and found out she was lucid, just like she was when he was a kid. It was not something permanent but they will be able to enjoy it until the Alzheimer and the schizophrenia hit her again and maybe she will never return to her true self again.

That day he decided to talk to her about JJ and her confession, his feelings for her and asked what to do. Diane gave her son an advice he hated but was the right one. He needed to move on and look for someone else. She was married and had a beautiful family, and he needed that to but not with her.

After that he decided to look for help so he looked for a psychologist to help him. He had a nightmare at his work place when a man with an axe attacked him and his coworkers.

The therapist told him to find someone out of work to have a normal conversation. He was reluctant at first but at the end he accepted the homework.

That's when he realized he did not know how to talk to normal people about normal things. He could talk to unsubs, to witnesses or the family of the victims but could not talk with others out of work.

Then Sammy, a twelve years boy, arrived to him saying his scarf was weird and so was his hair cut. His aunt, a pretty woman, was searching for him and when she saw him talk to this stranger man, she freaked out.

Her car was getting a ticket and taken away, which caused Sammy to had a panic attack. Spencer decided to perform a magic trick and the boy immediately calm down.

Max was impressed by that but still does not thrust him. When she planned to take Sam to the park and call his mother to pick them up, her nephew asked Spencer to join them.

They did not want to but Sammy insisted so they made an agreement of not names or personal information and when her sister picked up the kid they will go separate ways.

However, she first told him she had a degree in art history but ended up teaching third graders at and doing turkeys with their hands. He opened up and told her about his assignment to talk to "normal people" about "normal things" which was something new to him. But when he was about to tell her about the dream she stopped him saying it was to personal.

Then her sister arrived to take her son and then played to be cupid with them. He discovered her name was Maxine, but she preferred Max. When her sister told him she was single he noticed her blush.

When they were about to take separate ways she asked about his dream. So they both went to buy a pretzel and to talk about it. He told her some stressful situations in the past few weeks and she just understood that maybe his work was really stressful.

They talked about trust and what she thought of him and her nephew. He just realized he had not profile her or her nephew, he was just Spencer Reid talking to a nice and beautiful woman about his job but into gory details or something like that. He was relaxed.

He was so relaxed that she tricked him and pushed in to the sprinklers which made him to pick her up and runs into them so she also got wet with the water. They laughs and had fun.

She took him to a store close to the coffee shop to buy some clothes so they do not hey sick.

Then he got a text telling him Kristy was in labor and he had to leave Max. Which made him feel disappointed

"I think I should... go" she also felt disappointed then he added "I know we said no names or numbers but I would like to do this again, preferably with... you" she just smiled at that.

"What do you do for the FBI? for real"

"I'm a profiler, I found people using psychology"

She smirks looking at him "good, find me" then she leaves him with a smile.

Spencer went to the hospital and when he arrived his coworkers were already on their way to the room when the baby was in.

He found JJ and she was surprised by his clothes and she asked about it

He said "I just... had a conversation"

JJ smirked and looked at him "just a conversation huh? Well whoever this conversation was with. It put a smile on your face that I didn't see in a long long time" he was a little embarrassed of talking about his love life, especially with her after she confessed she loved him. Then JJ looked at the room where everyone was heading and then back to him "so you know there's only so many people that can fit in that delivery room so..."

"Oh yeah, yeah I should just say hello to the baby" he said looking at JJ.

"And you will, you know in a week from now. And the baby will still be a baby and we'll have two very tired parents that will want some help" she was making excuses and making it clean he could leave without any worry because the baby with still be there for him to meet.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah..." he smiles slightly and he doubted whether to leave or not until she said "go" he turned with a big smile and ran out the hospital.

JJ looked at him leaving and smiled. She loved him and wanted the best for him. She had a mix of emotions because she wanted him happy and that makes her happy but also she was sad because she was not the one who give him his happiness.

She saw him evolve into this more secure young man who just met a woman that made him feel happy. And she will make sure he never lose her. Whether they ended up being a couple or just friends.

When Spencer arrived to the park he left Max. He started to look for her. Then suddenly he saw her with her regular clothes back on and with coffee. He smiles and so did she then Max said "took you long enough"

He walks to her and they both walk away talking. That night the journey of Spencer and Maxine started. At first it was just an assignment for him and now they both have a new hope and the future ahead.

OOooOOooOO

Well this story was first wrote in Spanish, by me by the way, but someone asked me to translate it and here it is.

[squirrel-moose-winchester]

Chapter 4

Title: Falling for the Holidays

Pairing: Dean x Reader AU

Word Count: 4461

Summary: With October ending and the holidays underway, that only meant one thing for Dean Winchester. It meant returning to his childhood home and spending time with his family. It meant listening to his parents, especially his mom, ramble on and on about when he was going to find himself a nice girl, bring her home for the holidays, and then eventually get married and have children.  However, Dean wasn’t ready for that sort of commitment, so in order to get his family off his back, he comes up with an elaborate scheme! But like the saying goes, “sometimes lies become truths.”

Warnings: Crack, Language, flirting, and A LOT of FLUFF!

A/N: Oh Gosh! Forgive me for taking so long to get Ch. 4 out. I was ideally trying get this out on Thanksgiving, but things just got so crazy and I entered a block in writing. But here it is, and I’m actually quite fond of it, hope you guys are too! Dedicating this chapter to @dolphincliffs and @claitynroberts who are always, without fail, leaving something nice to say in my inbox about this story. Thank you ladies for the constant support. I appreciate you guys so much!! xx

Series Masterlist

“Oh shit!” He sputtered, before dashing out of his truck to help you. “Shit, Y/N, I am so sorry!” He apologized with earnest.

“Dean, what the fuck, dude?!” You snapped, punching him in the stomach, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to catch him off guard. He grunted, crouching over a little.

“I said I was sorry. I didn’t think you were going to freak out like that,” he mumbled, holding his hand out for you. You allowed Dean to help you up, taking his lending hand. As he got you on your feet, you hissed in pain, wincing as your foot hit the ground. “Y/N, are you okay?” Dean asked with concern.

“N-no. I think I sprained my ankle,” you whimpered, flashing him your sad puppy eyes.

“Fuck. Y/N, I’m so sorry.” You could see the guilt in Dean’s face. “Shit, shit, shit,” he mumbled, raking his hands down over his face, before pushing back up into his hair, messing it up a bit.

“Dean, Dean. Hey, it’s okay,” you told him. When he made eye contact with you, his face quickly shifted into a look of confusion. “I was just kidding.”

“You little shit,” Dean barked with relief, thankful that you were okay. Hurting you was the last thing he ever wanted to do, accident or not.

“Now grab my stuff and let’s get this show on the road,” you shouted, already settling yourself in the passenger seat of his Ford truck.

With a wide smile, Dean hopped into the truck and headed onto the road. Thirty minutes into the drive, you started to complain that you were hungry. “Seriously?” Dean deadpanned. “We just left. How about we get some miles in before we stop. It’s a seven-hour drive.

“S-Seven hours!” You sputtered, not realizing how far it actually was. “Dude, we should have just flown there!”

“No. No! We are not getting on those flying death traps!”

“F-flying death traps? What the – don’t tell me you’re afraid of flying?” You smirked.

“Have you ever seen Twilight Zone?” Dean exclaimed. You definitely knew the movie, but that was all it was. There sure as hell wouldn’t be an actual gremlin monster on the wing trying to kill everyone.

“You’re such a dork,” you giggled. “Now, hurry up and drive so we can eat!”

Three hours of nonsense chatter and off key singing, your stomach started to grumble, making you realize that you had yet to eat. Dean gave you a weird look before chuckling. “Sorry, let’s stop at the next Gas-n-Sip and grab something to eat. I need to refill on gas anyways. Sound good?”

“Perfect!”

When Dean pulled into the Gas-n-Sip, you headed into the shop while Dean pumped the gas. “Hey, don’t forget the pie,” Dean reminded over the hood of his pick up.

“Do I ever forget the pie?” You rolled your eyes.

“Actually…” Dean started, but was cut off.

“I was drunk! You can’t expect a drunk to have the greatest memory!” You defended.

“You went in for a drink and my pie, and came out with all this crap, except my pie!” Dean stated in a matter of fact voice.

Rolling your eyes, you promised him that you would not dare forget his precious pie, but he gave you a wary look, as if he didn’t believe you. Entering the small store, you immediately picked up a cherry pie first, so that you wouldn’t forget it later. You then got a couple of drinks, and a sandwich for each for you.

When you returned, Dean was finishing up, and the two of you were back on the road. Dean cheered as he pulled out his favorite food. “Whoa there, big guy. Sandwich first, pie later.”

“What? Why?” Dean pouted.

“Because I said so.”

“Bossy much,” Dean grumbled, taking the turkey sandwich you had picked out for him, while you ate a peanut butter and jelly one.

“Only because I care,” you muffled back with food in your mouth.

After a little sustenance in your bellies, you and Dean continued the drive singing off key to whatever was playing on the radio, and talking about random topics, most revolving around memories of college with your friends.

“Hey, remember that one time we dared Cass to go skinny dipping?” Dean started.

“Oh, god! And he ran out because it was infested with leeches!” You wheezed at the mental image of a very naked Cass running out of the water and flailing about, trying to get the leeches off.

“They were everywhere! I lost it when Jo had to pull off the leech in between his ass cheeks!” Dean snorted.

“Omg, that was the best part! Oh, Cass. I miss his face,” you giggled.

“I don’t. I’d rather stare at a pretty girl,” Dean winked at you, making you roll your eyes. It was such a bad habit to break when it came to Dean. He was the only person that you could completely be yourself with, no filter what so ever.

“Flirt,” you chided.

Before you knew it, you were passing the sign that said, “Welcome to Lawrence,” and you found yourself in a modest town, filled with pretty nice homes. All the nerves that had been pushed to the back of your mind came flooding back like a tsunami and you swore you thought you were going to be sick.

“Hey, remember, just be yourself.” Dean took hold of your hand in reassurance, letting you know that he was right there with you. As grateful as you were, it did little to calm you down.

When he began to slow down, nearing towards one of the houses, you held your breath unknowingly. Dean pulled into the driveway, where there were three other vehicles parked, but what caught your eye was the sleek black classis car. Dean talked about the Impala frequently, saying how one day it would be his.

“Oh, shit balls. I am so nervous,” you blurted as Dean shifted his truck into park, turning it off.

Your best friend didn’t respond, merely jumping out of the truck and grabbing the bags. You followed his lead, getting out of the car and standing next to him. “Y/N, I can feel your anxiety from here, could you just chill out and relax?!”

Annoyed by his request, you shoved him lightly from behind. “Don’t tell me to relax!” You hated when people told you to relax, and Dean knew it. Dean stumbled at the sudden action, causing him to lose balance a little. As he stumbled forwards, you tried to catch him in case the worst happened, but thankfully, his reflexes were better than yours.

“Sorry,” you giggled as Dean looked back at you with feigned annoyance, snickering as he did.

“You dick,” he chuckled out.

“I said I was sorry,” you managed to say.

Sam just so happened to pass the kitchen window when he saw his big brother grabbing the bags from the back seat of his pick up. He noticed you right after, opening the door and stepping out. He could see you and Dean talking, when you suddenly pushed him. Sam’s eyes widened a little, in fear that he was about to witness his brother eat shit, but when it never came and he saw the two of you laughing, Sam sniggered out loud, gaining the attention of his mother and girlfriend.

“What’s so funny?” Mary asked.

“Dean and Y/N’s here,” Sam announced.

In a flash, Mary and Jess were pressed up against the window, shoving Sam out of the way. The two women were over excited to know what you looked like in person. Jess had seen you before when Sam would FaceTime Dean, however, she hadn’t seen you up close and personal.

“She’s so cute,” Jess squealed, running over to the door. Dean was about to knock when the door was flung open and a mop of curls sprung passed him and latched themselves onto you. “Y/N! It’s so finally nice to meet you in person!” She mumbled against your hair.

“J-Jess! Wow!” You replied, laughing as you hugged her back. She was taller and slightly bigger built, but she was beautiful. Pictures and virtual chats did her no justice.

When Jess pulled away, you noticed Sam and an older woman standing at the doorway, a wide smile spreading across her face. “So this is the long awaited, Y/N! Sam and Jess told me all about you! I’m so glad you’re here!” She gushed, making her way over to you and bringing you into a tight, yet warm, hug. “And here’s my handsome boy,” she let go of you to embrace her son.

“Hi mom, it feels good to be back.” The smile he gave his mother was one you had never seen before. It was kind and soft, and it made your stomach flutter. Dean was certainly a mama’s boy.

“What’s all the ruckus?” A deep voice rumbled. At the door stood a tall and hefty man with peppering grey hair. He was strong built and incredibly handsome for an old guy, but finally being able to see the parents of Dean and Sam, it was no wonder why they were so attractive. Dean pulled more of his mother while Sam had a little bit of both.

“DadI Hey,” Dean smiled, walking up to his dad and giving him a hug. “This is Y/N, my b—uh, my girlfriend.”

“Of course! Good to know the Winchester men got good taste in women,” he chuckled. “It’s really great to finally meet you. Mary couldn’t stop babbling to everyone about how Dean finally got a girl.” Your face heated up, unsure if it was the attention you were getting or if it was the guilt eating away at you for agreeing to play charades to deceive them.

You should be happy that they seem to be taken with you, but at the same time, you hate the fact that you were hiding under the façade of Dean’s girlfriend. Your thoughts were interrupted by Dean slinging his arm around your shoulder, pulling you to his chest. “I got you,” he whispered, knowing that you were uneasy.

Entering the house, a wave of aroma came crashing to your senses. “Wow,” you blurted.

“What’s wrong, dear?” Mary asked, while everyone stopped to look at you.

“Oh. It smells amazing in here,” you told the truth, which felt really good.

“Mom’s a great cook!” Dean beamed, obviously proud of his mother’s talent.

“I know of another great cook,” you muttered, poking Dean on his side, the both of you chuckling together like you were keeping a secret.

Mary slipped her hand into John’s, intertwining their fingers as she smiled at you and her baby. In her eyes, the two of you were in love, smitten with each other in the most innocent of ways. In a moment like that, a couple would usually share a peck or two, but when her son pressed his forehead against yours, she knew this was something special. A love slowly in the making. A love that took time and would be everlasting.

“Mom, are you okay?” Sam asked, drawing the attention to her. Mary was near tears.

“I’m fine. I’m just so happy that my boys are here and that their happy. I’m just proud at my little men.”

“Mom!” Dean and Sam groaned in unison, Dean burying his head in the crook of your neck. You couldn’t help but laugh. It was rare to see a shy Dean, and you were going to revel in it and use it against him when the time needed for it.

Once the thrill of meeting everyone simmered down, Mary insisted that John, Dean, and Sam go to the living area while the ladies finished the preparations for thanksgiving dinner. Jess was setting the table while you took out the pies from the oven.

“This smells amazing! You would think, ever since I’ve met Dean, I’d be sick of pie, but every slice shared, is like a pull to the dark side of pie obsession.”

“Slice shared?” Mary questioned, as she paused from peeling the potatoes.

“Yeah, usually, after we finished eating, Dean and I would share a slice of pie.” Mary’s eyes widened. “Why? Is that not normal?”

“Well…” Mary huffed a humorous breath, “Ever since Dean was a kid, he never shared his pie. Not even with me, John, or Sam. Not anyone.”

“R-Really?” You were legitimately surprised. The first time you met Dean, he shared a slice of apple pie with you. “Funny story: when Dean and I first met, he shared a slice of pie with me, only because it happened to be the last slice of the night.”

“Ooh! First meeting story! This I have to hear,” Jess came skipping over, and you laughed at her excitement.

“It was just after my first semester at UT Dallas, and I was a mess. Finals had just ended and I was just stressing about if I passed my classes. On the verge of tears, Dean approached me, asking if I was okay. I explained to him why I needed to pass and stay in school, which is a little odd considering I didn’t even know him, but he offered to buy me a slice of pie to cheer me up. Coincidentally, they only had one left, and Dean bought it, so he offered to share his slice. That was pretty much the beginning of us, or our friendship at least.”

“Wow, who knew pie could bring people together,” Jess joked, you and Mary laughing along.

“The pie was delicious, and I’m pretty sure that was the moment I started to really like pie. Before that, I didn’t care too much for it.”

“You know,” Dean interrupted, popping out of nowhere, “we actually met before then.”

“We did?”

“You did?” Mary and Jess gasped the same time as you spoke.

“Yeah,” Dean chuckled.

“When?” You and the other women asked in unison. The three of you giggled, looking at each other before bringing your attentions back to the man who was trying to tell the story.

“Sorry. Go!” Your chirped.

“Okay, well… obviously, by the sound of your story, you don’t remember, but I do. It just started raining cats and dogs and I was soaked head to toe. I ran into Ms. Tea and Coffee Shoppe and you were working. You didn’t even bother to look up from the paperwork you were doing – told me that you guys were closed. When I didn’t leave, that’s when you finally looked at me. I remember how your eyes almost fell out of your eye sockets. You asked if I was okay and made me a cup of coffee… on the house. Then when the rain stopped, I left. But before I did, you gave me a blueberry scone and told me to be safe.”

“Ah, I remember that,” Sam chimed in, suddenly standing beside you, “the cute girl at the coffee shop. Didn’t you say you started going there a lot but she never remembered you or paid you any attention?” Sam teased.

“Shut up, Sammy!” Dean barked.

“Oh! It’s all coming back to me!” You quipped. “Yeah, you were soaked. You came in wearing a hoodie over your head. I thought you were some homeless guy seeking shelter from the rain. I was scared out of my mind when I looked up and saw you. I didn’t want to get robbed so I tried to be extra nice,” you confessed, everyone in the room snickering while Dean stared at you in shock.

“Really? A homeless guy?!” He pouted, his mossy orbs twisting into one of his hurt puppy eyes.

“Oops?” You shrugged apologetically.

“Great. Your first impression of me was that I looked like a homeless guy.”

“Technically, I didn't know it was you. My real first impression was that day at the diner, when you shared that slice of pie with me. I’m not going to lie; it was probably the best pie I’ve ever had.”

Dean smiled down at you before pulling you into a hug. “My girl,” he beamed, while everyone watched, his father included, who was standing by the entrance the whole time. Mary was in awe at how in love her son was. Her eyes shifted to Sam and Jess, taking note of the smile they were sharing. Her boys were happy and that made her happy.

“How’s dinner looking?” John made his presence known.

“Oh! The gravy!” Mary pipped, going back to the stove.

“I still need to finish peeling the potatoes!” You gasped.

“Let me help,” Dean offered.

“Sam and I will start bringing the food to the table,” Jess volunteered.

“And if you guys need a taste tester, I’ll gladly step up to the plate,” John joked.

“No. You always do that and you always spoil your appetite. This is why you’re not allowed in the kitchen, now shoo.” Mary waved the spatula in his direction, making her husband chuckle and raise his hands up in defeat.

“Alright, alright. I get it,” he mentioned before heading back to the living room.

When everything was set, John said grace and everyone dug in. Mary and John sat at each end of the table, while you sat next to Dean, and Sam and Jess sat across from the two of you.

The food was amazing and the company was… you didn’t even know where to begin to describe how they made you feel. Your heart was warm and you wanted to cry. If this was what a family felt like, then you never wanted to leave. You wanted to always come back here. To this house. To see these people. At that moment, you had so much to be thankful for.

In the midst of all the chattering, you lifted your glass of champagne. “Happy Thanksgiving,” you smiled.

“Happy Thanksgiving!” Everyone chorused, picking up their drinks and clinking their glasses to one another’s before taking a sip.

The rest of the night was filled with stories of youth, laughing until you cried, and a lot of champagne. By the time everything was cleaned up and taking turns using the shower, you found yourself finishing up the dishes alone, insisting that everyone relax since they had been preparing everything all day. Dean was in the shower, and you should have everything done by the time it was your turn.

Drying the last plate, strong arms wrapped themselves around you, Dean’s scent wafting through your nose, filling you with comfort. “Hey,” he whispered, placing his chin on your shoulder.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You questioned his lack of personal space.

“Mom’s watching,” he mumbled. Scoffing, you placed the last plate in the cupboard before drying your hands and twisting in Dean’s arms so that you were face to face. He smiled dopily, willing his eyes to stay open as long as possible until it was time for bed. “I brought our bags into my old room, the last door on the right. Looks like we’re sharing the bed.”

“Nothing we haven’t done before,” you placed your arms on his shoulders, taking a peek behind his back, and sure enough, there was his mother. “You weren’t kidding. Your mom really is watching,” you giggled.

“Well you better go hit the shower, you stink,” Dean teased.

“Ugh!” You unwrapped your arms from around his neck and rested your hands on your hips. “Oh, ho, ho, Dean Winchester, you are asking for a beating.”

“Is that a promise?” He smirked, wiggling his brows.

“You are such a flirt; you know that? The biggest flirt I know,” you laughed.

“Wait until you get to know my dad a little more. This charm of mine had to start somewhere.”

“Oh god!” You exclaimed, you and Dean falling into mutual laughter.

“No seriously, go and take a shower. You smell like pie, and if you don’t shower now, I’m going to eat you,” he stated, releasing you from his hold.

“Is that a promise?” You winked at him the same way he had done to you, except, you walked away leaving Dean’s jaw to drop on the floor.

“She’s going to be the death of me,” Dean muttered to himself, smiling like an idiot.

As you passed Mary, the two of you shared a smile before you hopped upstairs, heading into Dean’s old room. You smiled when you opened the door. Younger Dean was very much into music and horror movies. There were posters everywhere, a guitar in the far corner of the room, and you couldn’t help but giggle at the tiny hints of cowboys littered around the semi-large space.

Pulling out your bag, you searched for your sleeping clothes only to realize that you forgot to pack some. You were so nervous about the trip to Lawrence and the fact that you had to play Dean’s girlfriend, that it slipped your mind. Cursing to yourself, out of instinct, you checked behind you to see if anyone was there. When you saw no one, you stole a shirt and a pair of boxers out from Dean’s bag, picking up the towel you assumed he had left out for you.

After a refreshing shower and getting dressed, you brushed your teeth. There was a tingling feeling inside you as you appreciated the way Dean had set things up. Your toothbrush and his were laying together side by side. Once you were completely done getting ready for bed, you hung the towel in Dean’s room and headed back downstairs, however, the only person there was Dean.

“Hey, where’d everyone go?” You asked.

“Black Friday shopping,” Dean announced, eyes glued to the Christmas movie he was watching.

“But why?” You groaned. You never liked black Friday shopping. You preferred staying away from the crowds and just buying everything you needed online.

“Tell me about it. Told them that it wasn’t our thing and to go without us.”

“Awesome,” you plopped yourself down next to Dean, his eyes finally finding you.

Dean did a quick double take when he realized what you were wearing. “Are-- are those my clothes?”

“Sorry, I was so nervous about coming here that I forgot,” you sighed.

“Hey, it’s cool. I just wasn’t expecting to see you in my clothes. Looks good.” There it was, the smug grin playing on his face again.

“Why do you do that?” You asked, glowering over the fact he always looked so frustratingly handsome when he did that.

“Do what?”

“That stupid smirk of yours!” Your pointed. “It makes me want to hit you and… you know what? You’re just so annoying.”

“I’m annoying? You wanna know what’s annoying? When you touch me with your ice cube toes!”

“Oh you mean like this?” Your taunted, bringing your feet up and pressing the against his arm.

“Holy fuck! Get those icicles away from me!”

Dean tried to get away, but there was no where he could have gone, so instead, he tackled you onto the couch, tickling your sides until you couldn’t breathe and tears were falling from your eyes.

“Stop!” You managed to get out between your hysterics. “I surrender! Uncle, uncle!” you begged.

Dean stopped, but your laughter took a while to subside, and when they did… you had never realized just how many different shades of green speckled in Dean’s eyes. You never noticed all the lightly dusted freckles scattered amongst the darker ones. You never notice just how beautiful he was up close.

In turn, Dean couldn’t help but be hypnotized by you. Your smile, your deep eyes, soft lips, just all those little details he never really noticed, was up at the forefront and he was trapped.

“Hey,” he whispered, his eyes never once leaving yours.

“Hi,” you giggled.

There was a moment of silence as the two of you stared into each other’s eyes, until Dean broke it, by licking his lips. Your eyes caught the motion, watching as his tongue smoothed over his inviting pink lips. Lost in a trance, you felt hot breath on your lips, which sprung you back into reality.

Dean felt your body tense up against his and he suddenly pulled away. “Uh…” he chuckled, “why don’t we head up to bed?” He suggested.

“Sounds good. Honestly, I’m exhausted. Playing pretend is hard,” you kidded.

“Oh please, you barely had to play pretend. We’re best friends, that’s all we have to pretend to be. And we’ll just throw in a few “couplely” things here and there.”

“You’re right. We might actually pull this off.”

“Alright, c’mon,” Dean lifted himself off of you, standing up and offering his hands.

Taking his hands, he hoisted you to your feet, but he didn’t let go. He kept one hand holding yours as he leads the way to his old bedroom. The act should have been uncomfortable considering, most friends, best friends included, didn’t usually partake in such intimate pleasure such as hand holding in private, but something about it felt so natural. It didn’t feel weird, nor did it shake you in any negative way.

“Dean,” you called out his name, eyes transfixed on your hand in his.

“Yeah,” he asked, stopping in his tracks to look at you.

“Nothing,” you laughed softly.

“Tell me. What’s on your mind?” He pressed, turning his body completely to prove that you had his full attention.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m just glad I’m here, even if I’m pretending to be your girlfriend. Your family is so nice, and it beats being back in Dallas alone, so thanks for this.”

Dean couldn’t stop smiling, pulling you close into his chest. “I’m glad you’re here too, Sweetheart.” That nickname. Usually, you hated when he called you that, but this time… the butterflies came to life. “How about you come back for Christmas? I’m sure my mom and Jess would love for you to come back. I know I’d feel a lot better with you by my side.”

“But… this lie…”

“Then don’t lie. Best friends, girlfriends, it’s almost the same thing right?”

You couldn’t help but smile. “Almost the same. Just… no touchy,” you booped him on the nose.

“Maybe a little touching,” he teased, poking your sides and making you jolt.

“Dean! Don’t you dare start that again,” you chide, a smile threatening your lips.

“I won’t. Now, let’s go to bed."

Say Something Nice Here!

Falling for the Holidays Tags: @hannahindie @pinknerdpanda @winchesterprincessbride @amanda-teaches @dancingalone21 @a-winchester-fairytale @dolphincliffs @oneshoeshort @brewsthespirit-blog @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @atc74 @natasha-baggins @heavymetalhauswife @linki-locks11 @spnwoman @veevm @chameleah86 @kdcollinsauthor @claitynroberts @roonyxx @rainflowermoon @ladylaylo @closetspngirl @mirandaaustin93 @salt-n-burn-em-all @flamencodiva @fangirlanotherjust @tabbyjane 

[burning-up-ao3]

From the Point  11 15 2019

The Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins of the American Hockey League have been short-handed this season, too. All those injuries at the NHL level meant that they had to fork over three of their best players for a little while. Plus, they've had a bunch of bumps and bruises, too. After a so-so start in their first season under coach Mike Vellucci, the Baby Penguins are on a roll. They've won four of their last five games, allowing a total of five goals, to climb into third place in their division.  They host the Springfield Thunderbirds, the second-place squad, at Mohegan Sun Arena on Friday night. Eight of their next 10 games at at home. Thursday, we checked in with Vellucci, whose fascinating backstory includes surviving a car accident with former teammate Al Iafrate, to see how things are going down on the farm. He had some interesting things to say about Casey DeSmith, the late addition who has 11 goals in 15 games and three notable prospects who have been hit by injuries or illness. Here's a transcript of our conversation, which has been lightly edited for clarity and brevity. Post-Gazette: What are some of the challenges your team has faced early in the season and what has helped you get on a roll lately? Mike Vellucci: It was difficult. We had 11 guys that we expected in our lineup that weren't. So we were playing guys that are in Wheeling now and playing a lot of rookies that had never played a pro game and were learning what it takes to be a pro and also understanding what my expectations are for them and the way we want to play. So it was just a lot of teaching, growing pains, finding ways to win. I just feel that structurally the last six, seven games were getting to where we need to be. PG: What was it like seeing Sam Lafferty, Adam Johnson and Joseph Blandisi come up to the NHL and make the impact that they did? We know that's what you're preparing guys to do. And what kind of message does that send to your players when they see that happen? MV: As a coach, you're thinking, 'I hope they're doing what I told them to do so they don't make mistakes.' And then it's such a great feeling when you watch them play so well and do the right things. As for what the other players see, if they're doing it right down here and do it right up there, then they could end up staying and doing well. That means don't take the shortcut. Make sure you're doing everything the right way. I think it's very helpful as an organization to see that. And, as a coach, I'd use that as motivation for the guys that aren't there yet. PG: And when someone has success at the NHL level and comes back to the AHL, like Lafferty, can you sense a different confidence about them? And how much of a boost did that give your team when those three call-ups were returned to Wilkes-Barre/Scranton? MV: Yeah, you play with confidence. My job is to tell them to not take any shortcuts. Do what you would do in the NHL. Don't make a change down here and think that you need to cheat for offense. If you're not going to do it up top, why would you do it here? And then continue to play with speed and passion and those things. It was good they came back. The only difference for them was that they went from eight or 10 minutes to 22 minutes of ice time. PG: We talked to Casey DeSmith a couple of weeks ago. He admitted that he was frustrated and, frankly, hurt by being put on waivers and sent down to the AHL club. How do you think he's responded to that and how critical has he been for your team? It seems like he has found his game down there recently with shutouts in back-to-back games. MV: Yes, of course he was hurt and disappointed and all those emotions, which is understandable. I talked to him when he first got down here and I pulled him aside maybe 10 days ago and just said that he can't let this affect him. He can't control that he was sent down, whether it was because of money or the cap situation or whatever it may be. The only thing he can control is how well he plays and how he tries to get better every day. So I think from that point on he's been preparing to be the best he can and not worrying about things he can't control. I think he's settled in nice. And from a team standpoint, we've settled in with our structure to limit the chances against him. And when we have broken down, he's been there to bail us out. Photo via Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins PG: Tell us about Stefan Noesen. Your team signed him just before the season started and it seems like every time we check Twitter he has just scored another goal. Tell me about him as a player and a potential prospect, because he seemingly came out of nowhere. MV: He came out of nowhere for you, but not for me. I coached him in juniors [with Plymouth of the Ontario Hockey League]. So I know him very well. He was a first-round NHL pick [by Ottawa in 2011] and he had some tough injuries early in his pro career. He missed a lot of time. He played the last couple of years in the NHL  and has been a very good player there. I know him. He's got great hands. His hockey sense is off the charts. He's competitive and he hates to lose. It's been a great signing for us. He's been a huge part of all of our wins, especially early on when scoring goals was difficult for us as a team. PG: How has Emil Larmi's adjustment to North American pro hockey been going? MV: Early on, he was really good, and then he had that freak, weird injury that gave us all a little scare there. He's finally gotten cleared and we're just trying to get him back into game shape so he can play. I like him a lot. I think he's a very good prospect for the organization, and he's a great person. PG: Speaking of injuries, two of the organization's better prospects, Kasper Bjorkqvist and Pierre-Olivier Joseph, have been out. Bjorkqvist had knee surgery a couple of weeks ago and is out for six months and Joseph is dealing with mononucleosis. How disappointing is it that you haven't been able to get a longer look at those two and help them develop? MV: We had all those injuries up top [in the NHL] and Joseph gets mono and Bjorkqvist goes out for six months. Go on down the list. Thomas DiPauli was hurt. It was crazy. It's difficult. It stunts their growth really. It's just going to take more time. P.O.'s getting close. He lost a lot of weight and mono really kicks your butt. So we're trying to get him back in shape and hopefully he gets cleared here in the next 10 days. Bjorkqvist, I mean, that's a big blow. One good thing is that he's in great shape and will continue to be. But he was really making some strides in his game. So it's very disappointing to see that he's out that long. PG: Last question – What's the next step for your team? You said they've really bought in structurally and you're getting some guys back in the lineup. What's the next step for your players? What do you want to see from them in the next month or so? MV: Continue to get better in all areas. But we've improved in everything we set out to improve in. We've been exiting our zone way better. That's something we worked on the last two weeks. Our forecheck is getting better. Our special teams, our power play's been really good but our penalty kill struggled early on. That was more from everybody being new to it but it's been oh-for-20 maybe in the last number of games. Just continue to get better as a team and individuals, and then being at home for the next little bit will definitely help. WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED 1. Sidney Crosby is expected to be out six weeks after undergoing sports hernia surgery. 2. Are all these injuries simply bad luck or is there something more to it? Note that Crosby, Kris Letang and Patric Hornqvist are all highly paid core players in their thirties. 3. Jim Rutherford goes into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday. He'll be sure to thank a lot of folks from Windsor, where he spent four formative years as a young hockey exec. 4. What's it like to bodycheck a buddy? Bryan Rust knows a little something about that. 5. Olli Maatta was back this weekend and had a lot of nice things to say about Pittsburgh. THREE STARS OF THE PAST WEEK 3. Evgeni Malkin. OK, so he was at least partially responsible for the Rangers' game-winning goal in overtime Monday. But he has been really good otherwise. He had a pair of assists in the comeback win against the Blackhawks and another Monday. That was a continuation of what he did in the previous week. The Penguins need Malkin to keep this going. 2. Jared McCann. McCann scored the shootout winner against the Blackhawks and got the team's first power play goal in a month in the loss to the Rangers. Going back to last week, McCann has two goals and four assists in his last four games with a plus-6 rating. 1. Matt Murray. He stopped 29 of 31 shots against Chicago and kept hope alive in New York after they got off to shaky start. They've lost in regulation in only four of his 15 starts. PENGUINS STAT LEADERS Goals: 8, Guentzel Assists: 12, Crosby Points: 17, Crosby +/-: +12, McCann PIMs: 17, Blueger Save %: .929, Jarry Wins: 9, Murray IT’S A GREAT WEEK FOR HOCKEY Friday @ 7 p.m.: Penguins at Devils. Three days after getting their first look at Rangers rookie Kaapo Kakko, which wasn't pretty, the Penguins have to chase after Jack Hughes for the first time. The speedy Devils center, picked first overall ahead of Kakko in June, has nine points in 17 games. Not bad. Hughes, a native of Florida, also has a minus-7 rating. Not good. Saturday @ 7 p.m.: Penguins vs. Maple Leafs. No Crosby for the Penguins and no Mitch Marner for the Leafs. The Leafs still have a few more big names, including American-born center Auston Matthews, but so far they have been pretty disappointing. With this being the second half of a back-to-back, Tristan Jarry could get his first start since Oct. 23. Tuesday @ 7 p.m.: Penguins vs. Islanders. The Penguins, as you probably recall, got a small measure of revenge last week when they rallied from three goals down to beat the Islanders in Brooklyn. The Islanders since then have started another streak and are one of four teams that entered Thursday with a better goal differential than the Penguins, who are plus-13. Thursday @ 7 p.m.: Penguins at Islanders. Jeez. These guys again? The Penguins and the Islanders play for the third time in 15 days.  They won't meet again until March 15. STAT OF THE WEEK 4 – consecutive games in which the Penguins have fallen behind by two or more goals. Improbably, they won two of them and lost Monday's game in Manhattan in OT, earning a point. Opponents have scored first in 11 of the past 13 games, in part because the Penguins have just eight first-period goals. They should probably score some of those. QUOTE OF THE WEEK "I will be fire." – Evgeni Malkin, inspired by a fire alarm, on stepping up with Crosby out. EXITING THE ZONE I'll use this space to share quick Penguins tidbits, hot takes and random thoughts on hockey and life. ... Losing Crosby stings but it would hurt a lot, lot more had they not gotten off to a good start despite all their other injuries. They shouldn't fall too far behind the pack with a record like 8-11-4 in his absence. ... Now would be a great time for Nick Bjugstad to produce. I like Bjugstad as a player and he's one heck of a dude. But the points haven't been there for his linemates and him since arriving in February. ... Looks like Evgeni Malkin and Jake Guentzel will skate together against the Devils. Eager to see if that union works. Not sure if their games mesh. ... Wrote about this Monday and it still holds true today. Jack Johnson has been pretty decent so far this season. Heck, even advanced stats back that up. Playing a lot with John Marino helped. But let's give credit where it's due. ... You should really read this story my partner, Mike DeFabo, wrote about a homeless veteran who was looking for a place to sleep outside PPG Paints Arena while the Pens recognized Veterans Day inside. Sobering stuff. subscribe here: https://my.post-gazette.com/newsletters/?utm_source=pg.com&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=newsletter-subscribe&utm_content=navbar

[macromicrocosm]

Novel Review: Automatic Reload by Ferrett Steinmetz

Hei Hei and Welcome to MacroMicroCosm Literary Review…

Novel: Automatic Reload Author: Ferrett Steinmetz Publisher: TOR Books (2020) Rating: 4/5 Stars

Today we are diving cautious as a paranoid quadruple amputee cyborg into the cyberpunk romantic kill zone known as Ferrett Steinmetz’s Automatic Reload published in 2020 by Tor Books. Strap into something, prepare your payloads and it’s time to dive in.

I borrowed Automatic Reload’s audiobook from my municipal library’s Libby app, and will be critiquing the audiobook narration by Tim Campbell via Macmillan Audio with Steinmetz’ prose. Tim Campbell’s narration hit my auditory nerves with the same grit as a Private Eye in my spouse’s beloved old radio shows. Instantaneously, I was brought back to The Shadow, and Red Panda Adventures. Mat’s internal narration was made vivid with Campbell’s grit. All goes as expected for a guttural masculine-led audiobook… until Campbell narrates female characters. The grit and gruff voice of our narrator and protagonist Mat (whose name I missed completely for the first few hours of audio storytelling), shifted to a nasal ‘quasi-feminine whine’ each a tad different for the few feminine characters in the novel. While off-putting to hear limp feminine audio, it didn’t stop me from listening to the entire audiobook. I wish Macmillan Audio hired two voice actors, that Sylvia and Trish especially were voiced by a woman. I don’t envy Campbell’s options with Sylvia’s voice, especially in the beginning, Sylvia is a panic-attacked whimpering victim and Mat the rough but conscience-bound redeemer. Maybe it’s a pet peeve of mine, when listening to audiobook narration with too ‘breathy’ a character voice, or too much differentiation between a narrator’s timbre and the various dialogue, but it threw me out of Automatic Reload’s prose a few times and elicited many a rant among our MacroMicroCosm discord server on the nature of respecting female characters by allowing them a more natural voice, and not a whining nasal whimper. It’s unfortunate, because Tim Campbell had the perfect voice for Mat’s rough narration. All in, this was the only issue with the audiobook version of Automatic Reload.

On to Steinmetz’s prose. While entertaining, and a fun way of portraying neuro-divergent characters, Automatic Reload is not making it into my top cyberpunk novels. As it was billed to be a cyberpunk romance, the choice to spend a vast third if not half of the novel in a first-person narrator-protagonist dry technological readout of the various guns, cybernetically augmented prostheses and associated weapons-come-defence programs felt stale as a slice of bread on the kitchen counter in summertime. Maybe engineering isn’t my thing, I know of several friends who would love such attention given to the weaponry, and recommended Automatic Reload to all of them, but a good hour into the prose and all I knew of Mat was the amount of weaponry he possessed on his specialized limbs, that he was attempting to halt a kidnapping, and he was paralyzed with the incapacity to kill. A decent bedrock for a PTSD scarred main character, Mat’s inability to take life becomes a mainstay of the manuscript. This is not in itself a negative. It makes for intriguing prose, and shows his caring, ethical side.

But I could not help feeling Mat’s selfish delusions within the first few chapters. His first-person narration of saving the teenaged girl became more about saving the people, who caused her fear and harm at her expense. When I taught self defence in a university and martial art academy setting, one of the first lessons (especially to the female students) was a defender has the right to go home. The attacker has every opportunity to stop harming you, and them refusing to let go is them allowing you to defend your right to survive unharmed as possible. In the introductory arc, Mat rescues a girl from kidnappers, who are prepared to kill her. Regardless of how noble Mat was in his attempts of causing less harm, I could not stop thinking of the harm he was causing to the poor girl frightened out of her mind, with a knife against her neck. Steinmetz goes so far as to have the girl bleed from a superficial slice to the throat, before our ‘wounded hero’ intervenes in a kinetic fashion.

Mat is not a hero, his paranoia at preventing harm does not make him precisely good. It does, however, make him a fascinating study of an injured veteran compensating for the horrors of war. He reminds me of Perseus, played by Sam Worthington in the 2010 released Clash of the Titans, where Perseus discovers his demi-godhood and struggles to go about his mission as a normal man, not a god. As if his spectacular powers were to be feared or forgotten in self-hatred rather than used to others’ advantages. Even when companions on his voyage begin to die, Perseus sticks to his selfish morals and refuses his inner power until it is all but too late. Just as Perseus could have saved multiple companion’s lives had he accepted his power, so too Mat could have saved the girl from trauma (injection of ‘anti PTSD drugs’ notwithstanding) if he hadn’t attempted to wait the kidnappers out as long as he did, until a last second where she looks into his faceplate and knows she is about to die.

As protagonists go, Mat is an insecure, selfish moralist with his own set of obsessive edits, who passes it off as a sheriff’s bravado in the wild world of body hacking. When his contact and seemingly only friend Trish (whom I loved) gets him a job worth millions, Mat dives in to prevent collateral damage only after she cajoles his ethics, and that is noble. But this is where the novel takes its’ turn. I won’t be going into spoilers much here, but from the moment Mat meets assassin-damsel in distress Sylvia, I could see where the novel’s plot was going, and for the most part I was 9 for 10.

Sylvia’s panic and anxiety disorder took centre stage, as Mat tumbled with her assassin-programmed artificial body, and the other body-hackers who were looking to bring her back and finish their job. The bonding between the two (through ‘old timey cinema) was ultimately endearing but fairly stock, between the constant verbal output of every single technological gadget Mat had on hand, or modified to work, or picked to replace old limbs, or because we were at another moment, where Mat needed to drone on about the tech as if to remind us that we were, in fact, in a cyberpunk setting.

My major criticism of the prose isn’t Mat’s struggle with harm reduction, but the sheer amount of technological data Steinmetz pushed into the manuscript, until I felt like half the novel was a sci-fi reader’s guide to emotionless guns, cybernetic components and threat awareness programming. At a fairly early point in the prose, the tech talk got so redundant if I hadn’t been listening on audiobook in my car, I’d skip pages. Yes, I can see this was a coping mechanism for Mat, and the best way Steinmetz had to frame the science fiction setting in a novel completely from the protagonist’s inner monologue (a literal ’subvocal recording’ as we discover), but it threw me. Automatic Reload lacked a balance between the cold cover of Mat’s obsessions and the emotionally gorgeous story of two wounded people falling in love… while being chased by psycho body-hacking killers.

It’s unfortunate, because the relationship development between Mat and Sylvia is agonizingly sweet. Their ability to both freak out and help each other, the peppering of laughter to break the tension of their run with death were all wonderfully done. Trish, Mat’s business contact and friend is the stand alone best character of the novel. Sassy, strong and incapable of selfish intentions, Trish gives Automatic Reload the backbone it needs to evolve both Mat and Sylvia and drive the plot forward, even through the constant re-hashing of the setting as Mat experienced it. I cared about Trish more than I cared about Mat or Sylvia, beyond their growing connection. The enemies, while trope-ish, were believable in their immensity, and brought me to the feel of a 1980’s action flick with Van Damme, or Norris at the fore… if their female lead happened to be more powerful than the Hulk in Thor: Ragnarok.

Steinmetz’s plot in Automatic Reload is visible miles before the chapter headings, and that is unproblematic, if you’re looking for an easy, entertaining read similar to that 1980’s action flick. I won’t say the climax didn’t take a twist, it did, but even when the twist occurred, I again called what would remain of the plot. If you want a cyberpunk weapon’s heavy cute-couple novel to relax with, this will certainly do it for you. Aside from its’ flaws, Automatic Reload has a vulnerability and joy to its escapism, the clinging growth of a relationship in two freaked out, lonely people.

Mat does grow through his moments with Sylvia, but especially with Trish’s advice. If you like to know the technological readout of every warrior’s equipment, watched the Matrix and Maltese Falcon, and enjoy a good gritty radio-show, with romantic plot-line, Automatic Reload is for you. I give it four out of five stars, and imagine the ideal reader would be of the masculine or tech-minded variety who is woke enough to handle a gritty romance with more bullets than people, a transgender best friend, and heroes whose anxiety and PTSD cause as many problems as they eventually, and inevitably, solve.

For those who want something to listen to of a similar feel, I thoroughly advise listening to the Red Panda Adventures.

[empress-of-snark]

(bangin’ header by @caseyblu)

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2013)

AKA: Marvel tries its hand at spy thrillers (and succeeds).

(Spoilers for Winter Soldier.)

This one almost doesn’t feel like a Marvel movie to me, because the genre change gives it a much darker/more serious tone. That’s not to say Marvel movies can’t be dark, they just typically have a lot more humor to balance it out.

The first thing I really appreciate about this movie is that there’s no forced romance between Steve and Natasha. I remember when the picture of them kissing was leaked and everyone freaked out, then it turned out they were just undercover. They make a great team and have good chemistry, and the addition of Sam later on makes them all the Ultimate Trio of Friendship.

Speaking of which, I just want to put it out there that I love Sam Wilson. Very much. He’s the best.

In the past, Marvel movies have a tendency to fall into a similar formula--Bad Guy shows up, Good Guy defeats him and everything’s okay. Here, there’s a conspiracy that needs uncovering and our heroes are on the run as they try to figure it out. It’s a whole different tone. Plus, you get to see three helicarriers blow each other up with machine guns, and that’s pretty cool.

The villain isn’t as heavy-handed as other MCU villains are. He doesn’t want to take over the world and the only reason he gives orders to have Steve and Natasha taken out is because they’re in his way--it’s not really part of his plan to kill them. Plus, he’s just doing what he thinks is right. It kind of lays the foundation for later MCU villains. It’s not because he’s evil, it’s because he’s trying to keep everyone else safe.

Also, I like the little hint that Dr. Strange is on S.H.I.E.L.D./H.Y.D.R.A.’s radar now.

Watching the first CA again did make me care about Bucky a little bit more than the last time, but I still think they could’ve done more with him back then. At the very least, I wish there had been more flashbacks to their friendship in this one.

The thing about this movie is that you really have to pay attention. (@caseyblu: “It’s the thinking man’s Marvel movie.”) If you zone out when people are talking, you’ll probably get confused later on. Just about every bit of dialogue is crucial to the plot. Other Marvel movies are more action-oriented.

This one doesn’t shirk its action scenes either, though. There were two car chases (both of which felt way too long to me, but I have a very low tolerance for car chases), plus the Iconic elevator scene, and a fair amount of hand-to-hand combat between Steve and Bucky. Not to mention, Steve jumps through a, frankly, concerning amount of windows. How many glass cuts does he have everywhere? Is he okay?

Overall, there’s not much to complain about in this one. It’s honestly not one of my favorites because of the more serious style, but it’s still a really great movie. Good rewatch.

RANKINGS:      Hero: 8 shields out of 10. It’s almost even easier to root for Steve in this one. The organization he basically died to stop is still going strong and things are a lot more confusing now. He remains optimistic in the face of adversity and is still a really likeable hero.

     Villain: 8.5 evil computers out of 10. Pierce really seems like a good guy in the beginning, defending Fury when things look shady for him. It’s really a shocker when he turns out to be behind it all. It’s not the first time a villain has been revealed to be someone we thought we could trust, but it still takes you by surprise. The fact that the Winter Soldier’s identity wasn’t really a secret before this movie came out, thanks to the comic book fans, his reveal wasn’t much of a shock. But he was still a really cool opponent.

     Supporting characters: 9 eyepatches burned out of 10. Including Natasha, Sam, Fury, Hill, and Sharon, the plot is advanced a lot through this movie’s supporting characters. None of them feel extraneous and there’s no romance cluttering up the already-thick plot (aside from hints for Steve and Sharon).           Female characters: 8 Bechdels out of 10. This one barely passes the Bechdel test, but we’re giving it a high score mostly for the fact that it’s the first MCU movie to really have a secondary main character that’s a woman. Natasha gets a ton of screen time and her character is explored a lot.

     Action scenes: 8 punches out of 10. Much as I didn’t enjoy them very much, this movie does feature the first real car chases of the MCU, as well as the first time a character has ever beaten up like six other characters while in an elevator.

     Stan Lee: 3.5 cameos out of 5. His best cameos are the ones where he doesn’t have many lines, but this one is pretty funny. Hope this guy didn’t actually get fired.

     Charisma: 9.5 points out of 10. Marvel wanted to make a spy thriller, and they absolutely did. The tone and aesthetic of the film is very consistent. Perhaps the only criticism is that it clashes a lot with the rest of the MCU, especially the very next film, Guardians of the Galaxy.

In total: 54.5 out of 65, so about an 84%. Rotten Tomatoes score was 89%

[whispersandwhiskerburn]

Alone in the Woods

Summary: The Reader was sent into a different realm two years ago, and when the Winchesters arrive, she has to try and accept that she is no longer alone. Characters: Dean, Sam, Castiel (mentioned), and Reader—no pairing Word Count: 3,486 Warnings: Kinda angsty because of internal dilemmas, description of anxiety/panic attack, but honestly, this is SFW. Author’s Note: Okay, this is, without a doubt, the weirdest SPN fic of mine to date. I combined two random prompts that I didn’t know what to write for, and this crazy thing happened. I’m honestly not sure what I think of it, but hopefully you guys like it? Very different from my usual. My first prompt was *Imagine a world where sharks swim in the forest and somehow you find yourself lost in the woods.* from @therealdeanwinchester13’s THEBOX challenge (which is still open and fics aren’t due until March 31st!) and @just-another-busy-fangirl’s 1k Celebration Musical Challenge where I chose “No One is Alone” from Into the Woods because I’m about to be in a community theater version of that show.

“I swear to Chuck, Sammy, if we can’t find a way back to our world soon…”

You ducked your head around the tree to see a tall man in plaid hacking his way through a low bush with a thick branch. If he were much louder, he was going to start a swarm.

“Dean, look at it this way. At least we’re together, and—“

“And nothing! Did you learn nothing from Charlie’s trip to Oz? Alternate worlds and mystic keys…who knows where the hell we are…except it’s not Hell, it’s not Heaven, and apparently, it’s out of cell phone range.”

An even taller man, you assumed the one who had spoken second, Sammy, pushed his way physically through the breach the first man had made.

It was exciting to see another human here, but these two would be lucky to survive the day without help. Especially if they kept being so agitated. Perhaps they were crazy—nothing of what they said made sense.

Of course, falling through a hole in a run-down house and finding yourself in a forest two years ago wasn’t exactly sane. You’d given up asking questions about whether this place was real or not. Survival was the key factor.

And these idiots, as strong and tough as they seemed, didn’t seem to realize that as pretty as the forest was, it held its own dangers.

You kept to the trees, walking from branch to branch above them, staying above the mid-level where the branches were thin from swarm activity. The men were walking on the ground and seemed completely unaware of you as you followed them from 15 feet above their heads in the canopy.

The one with the longer hair spoke next, his voice defensive, “the key didn’t look anything like the one Charlie used to open the door to Oz. And we’ve been wondering about that locked door off the storeroom for weeks. Besides, you were right there with me when I turned the key, so don’t blame—shh!”

He straightened looking around, and you instinctively did the same. You didn’t see any Big Fins at the moment, though a small school was about twenty yards away—non-predatory ones. When you looked back down again, you nearly fell out of your tree in surprise. Both men had vanished.

What the hell?

You hadn’t felt them grab your tree, and the next nearest was yards away in plain view. There’s no way they could have hidden those bodies in the bushes, and there was no scream or blood from an attack…

“Don’t move, whoever you are.”

You swiveled and found the one with the shorter hair, Dean, straddling a branch just below mid-level and aiming a gun at you. You hadn’t seen even a picture of a gun in years, but you remembered what they were, so you did as you had seen on television and carefully raised your hands into the air.

“Why were you following us? Where are we?” The taller one, Sammy, walked out from behind the tree trunk and locked eyes with you.

It was amazing to hear another human voice, and you struggled to find your own. It had been awhile. When you did start talking, it was in a quiet undertone, sure not to set off any vibrations.

“I was following you because you were drawing attention to yourself, and I wanted to help before you attracted any predators. We’re in a danger zone, and a Big Fin could be along at any minute. If you want to make it through the day, you should both follow me.”

The two men changed glances and the one in the tree slowly lowered his gun. You looked around again and saw a moving shadow in a neighboring tree’s foliage.

Shit.

You spared a quick thought for their reaction, and spoke in the most calming voice you could manage: “Please, do not over-react. Do not shoot your gun. Do not do anything. Just stay very, very still.”

You turned at a glacier speed, sinking slowly onto all fours on the wide branch you were on, then inching your way towards the shadow. You made a soft purring sound in your throat, a soothing vibration that you had used before on small beasts to calm them.

Movement. The leaves brushed aside and a young Blue-Tail slid through the branches and straight to you. You smiled and held out a hand, keeping your purring steady even though you heard the gasps and low curses behind you. You didn’t want this young one hurt if you could avoid it.

He was an inquisitive little guy, barely 4 foot long, maybe 6 months old. Just a baby, really. He swam through the air using his spread fins, his bright blue tail which had earned your name for his species wide and tall. He’d be a big boy one day. He got close enough to eye you and your outstretched hand, then turned, allowing your palm to scrape down his sandpapery side. You stayed calm, knowing that any agitation in the air currents, loud vibrations, sudden movements, would excite the shark to the point that he might attack.

Satisfied that you weren’t a threat he needed to defend himself from, and you were a bit too large to be appropriate for food, the young Blue-Tail turned and swam back through the foliage, on a hunt for something to feed his growing belly.

You let out small breath, relieved that had gone so well, and stopped your purring, turning towards the two strange visitors in this lonely world.

“That…that was a shark.”

“Yes. Please talk softly.”

You slowly descended to ground level as did the other man in the tree. It was uncomfortable for you down here now, but you knew you couldn’t abandon these two in the middle of the forest, especially if they knew a way to get back home.

Home. There wasn’t much back there for you. No family, no friends; you had been in that abandoned house looking for a place to sleep that night. But you missed people. You missed music and good food, cars and cities.

There was nothing here but woods, and sharks, and fish in the air. And of course, your cliff-face. Your home base…though it wasn’t home. Earth was home.

“Look, we all have questions, but this isn’t a safe place. Can we go somewhere else first?”

They were so much taller in person, towering over you. But their clothes still smelled like home, and their clean faces reminded you of why you wanted to go back. You were almost afraid to blink, afraid they would disappear and your chance would be gone.

Dean’s eyes were scanning the trees, wary of an attack. He was smarter than he looked.

Sammy was watching you, his eyes narrowed as he took in your slight form and ragged clothes. He nodded and you cocked your head sideways, looking at the pair of them. “You two are definitely tall enough, and climbing is the safest way. You wouldn’t believe how many of the big guys spend their time belly on the forest floor nosing through the leaves for scraps.”

You turned and scaled the tree again, and this time you felt the tree shake slightly as their weight added to it and you led the way up, then across from branch to wide branch, a highway more familiar to you than the ones from your old hometown.

--

“You’ve really been here for two years? All by yourself?” Sam, you’d learned he preferred that to what his brother had called him first, seemed to be honestly in awe of you. His eyes were sad, and you found yourself wanting to open up to him about your time here, to be completely honest.

“That’s my best guess, yeah. I don’t really have a way of to keep track, and the seasons are very subtle here. The leaves have changed and fallen like they do in Autumn back home twice, but that could easily be a different time range.” Your voice, raspy from disuse faded after that as you moved around your small cave, stepping over Dean’s outstretched legs to collect some fruit from the cubby hole you called your pantry. You shared with the brothers, then sat back down on the knee-high ledge you used for a bed.

“Well, time probably doesn’t run on the same schedule here anyway; other realms tend not to be on the—“

“Wait a second. Other realms? Do you guys make a habit of visiting places other than Earth? How many are there? And where am I?” You were getting angry now. You’d helped them, and, apparently, they were holding back on you.

The two men exchanged glances and Dean leaned forward, ready to answer the best he could. “We’re hunters back on Earth—basically, we track and kill monsters, ghosts, demons, etc. When they die, they get sent off Earth and somewhere else, depending on what they are, what they’ve done, or whatever. A few times, we’ve had to go to those places ourselves—either by accident as part of a job, like this time, or because we died on the job and—“

“Dean, TMI, man.” His brother cut him off. Sam reached out a hand to pat you on the shoulder and you jumped, unused to any kind of physical contact. He looked contrite as he withdrew his hand, and you shrugged off his wave of apology.

“We don’t know what this place is any more than you do, Y/N, though I’m amazed and impressed that you’ve survived on your own here. In our job, we’ve seen some crazy things, but what you did—“

“Yeah, speaking of,” Dean seemed excited now, as if he’d been waiting for a while to broach this topic, “that freaking shark was swimming through air. Is that a normal thing here? Sharks, swimming through the trees in a forest?”

You laughed at his expression and threw another piece of fruit at him. They looked kinda like apples, but they tasted more like grapes. You ate them all the time as a way to offset your diet of mostly small fish.

“As far as I can tell it’s me, the trees, and a bunch of airborne fish on this planet. Nothing seems to happen except the fish swim…or fly, I guess, and the sharks chase the fish. And from up here in my cave, I can look out at times and it’s like being in an aquarium. They actually stay away from the cliff—I think they don’t like the waterfall that’s maybe fifty yards away from here. That’s how I found this place; I was looking for somewhere near the water to stay.” You let your voice drift again, then continued when Sam and Dean both stared at you waiting for more.

“I thought I saw a whale once, right after I got here, but I was too nervous to go check it out. The Big Fins, the large sharks, they get to be around 40 feet long—when they start swarming together, I’ve seen whole trees get uprooted. They stay closer to the ground though, not up in the canopy—I think because the heavier they are, the harder it is for them to swim through the air? Or maybe they just don’t like the leaves on their skin,” you shrugged, “anyway, I’ve learned how to avoid them. They track major movement, loud sounds, vibrations through the air. Drums drive them into a frenzy. I’d hate to know what the sound of a gunshot would do—probably draw every Big Fin in from ten miles around.”

Dean had the decency to look embarrassed at that last jab, remembering how he’d held a gun on you.

The silence grew between the three of you. Silence you were used to, but in the last thirty minutes since you had invited them into your space, you hadn’t been able to stop the doubts from pummeling you.

You started every time one of them spoke above a whisper. When Sam had reached out in an innocent touch to comfort you, you had jumped like the yellow-spotted fish that bounced from leaf to leaf in the upper canopies. Hell, the idea of walking on the ground was so foreign to you now—how could you ever go back to your world?

All this time, you had been fighting to survive in this strange place, homesick for a world that had never really been kind to you.

You would fit in even less now.

Sam finally broke the silence, “Well, I bet you’ll be glad to get out of this crazy place, right?”

You licked your lips, struggling for a response. Finally, you came back with, “and how are you planning on that? How did you two even get here? Something about a key? And Oz…which, I’m assuming was a joke, cuz Dorothy and Toto were characters in a movie?”

Dean laughed, “actually Dorothy was a badass female hunter who went and started a rebellion in Oz, which is actually another realm like this one. They were totally real—and I think she and our friend Charlie had a thing going on—“ “Dean” Sam scolded, getting him back on track.

Dean nodded and continued, “anyway, there was this key that transformed any door it opened into a portal to Oz—we think that’s what happened here. We found an old key in one of the storage rooms of our bunker…which is kind of like a magical storehouse-slash-library-slash-home for us built by an organization that has a long tradition of fighting and studying the things that go bump in the night. Well, we thought this key just opened up a door we haven’t been able to get into, but when it did, well…we were in the woods. And the door was gone.”

You nodded, pretending this all made sense. You had yet to see a green witch on a broomstick, but hey, flying sharks, so who were you to judge?

“Okay, but you still haven’t answered how you plan on going back.” Sam looked at you funny, probably noticing how you hadn’t included yourself in that statement. You kept a straight face and didn’t acknowledge his stare. The doubts were still eating at you.

“Well, I haven’t seen any doors, or the damn key, since we got here, which means they probably got left when we got sucked into this place. We’ve got a friend, Castiel, who stays at the bunker and checks in regularly. When he can’t find us, he’ll figure it out.”

Castiel—what a weird name. “And what’s going to stop him from getting trapped here too?”

Dean opened his mouth, then closed it again, as if unsure how to answer the question. Or unsure if you would like what he had to say next. Sam was still looking at you funny, but when he chimed in, it was to answer your question instead of asking his own.

“Cass is an Angel, so he’s got some powers with inter-dimensional travel, and, what is probably more important in this instance, he’s got knowledge. Angels can manipulate time, travel between worlds, all sorts of things—so I don’t think Cass will get stuck. And he probably will be able to get all of us out.”

And there it was. Even Dean was catching on with the emphasis Sam had put on the word and the way he was looking at you now.

You munched into a fruit, buying yourself another minute to think. The longer they stared at you, waiting for an answer that you didn’t know, the more the anxiety built up inside you. You couldn’t do this. You could not fucking do this.

“I can’t do this. I can’t go back.” Your voice was louder than it should have been, louder than you allowed yourself to be in this place where any loud noise was a dinner bell for a predator.

“Y/N, what? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t got back there. I’ve got nothing, no one. I’m all alone—I’ll make mistakes, I’ve been on my own here so long, I can’t—“ you were practically hyperventilating, your voice coming out louder and louder, the words meshing together.

You forced yourself to stop, walking to the exit and climbing onto the nearest branch, ignoring the voices calling you as you went to the top of the tree, searching for air.

You needed air.

You had been up there for a few minutes before your breathing calmed. You focused on the clouds, the way the branches swayed, the leaves creating a green ocean, an ocean filled with life. There was beauty in this place. Maybe you should just stay here, you could be happy, right?

All alone, forever.

You felt the tree sway slightly and knew one of the brothers was trying to follow you. There was no way either one of them could get as high as you—they were too big, too heavy for the smaller branches. You debated staying out of reach, just staying in the treetop.

You forgot that they didn’t have to get close.

“Y/N. I need you to listen to me.” It was Dean. His voice was low enough not to be dangerous, but it carried up to you easily enough. With your head out of the branches and looking over the tree tops, it felt like you were still alone, even though you could hear him clearly.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just listen.

“I was once in a situation similar to yours; I was sent to a place called Purgatory—it wasn’t as nice as here, and the monsters that were there were actively trying to kill me. But I was alone, or it seemed that way. Cass, the friend we told you about, was sent there at the same time, but I couldn’t find him. He wouldn’t answer my prayers. I made another friend, and we eventually found Cass, but when we tried to break out… well, Cass got left behind. I didn’t want to do it, but people make mistakes, and it nearly killed me when I realized what had happened.”

Dean’s voice was thick with remembered emotion, and it centered you. You climbed down a few feet, looking past your legs to find him seated on a branch, starting at the tree trunk as he talked.

“Sometimes people get left in the wood… and I don’t think I could bear doing that twice in one lifetime. So, I’m asking you—if not for your own sake… will you come back with us? So I don’t have to live with the idea that we abandoned you here?”

That wasn’t what you wanted. You had just met the Winchesters, but you trusted them. You didn’t want to hurt them.

You climbed down lower, sitting just above him, and he looked up to meet your eyes this time, his green ones inquisitive. You searched for words to describe the doubts that still flooded your mind, the near panic that was only held at bay by your need to respond to his emotion.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore. But if I go back, I’ll still be alone.” It wasn’t the only problem, but it was the worst. You had adapted to the loneliness of this place—you were alone here because there was no other option. To go back to a world where there were options, only to be ignored and alone again like you had been before… you didn’t think you could take that.

“No one is alone. Truly. No one is alone. Do you think Sam and I are just going to wave goodbye? You’ve saved our lives. You’re skilled, strong, brave, resourceful, and we would never ever throw you out or make you feel unwelcomed.” Dean’s voice was fervent with sincerity and you were shocked out of your fears by his offer.

They wanted you with them?

“I can’t guide you. Now you’re on your own. Only me beside you, but still you’re not alone. We have to go back—there’s a world back there that needs our help, and we have a job to do. We want you to come with us, but we won’t force you. You decide what’s right. You decide what’s good. Just remember, someone is on your side, and you are not alone.”

Dean reached out a hand; not to touch or to pull, it was with a palm up, an invitation.

You thought over his argument, your life here, what your life could be. You looked at his hand, looked at the trees and your cave, then back into his eyes.

Then you reached out and clasped his palm.

Things will come out right now. We can make it so. Someone is on your side No one is alone.

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[satans-codpiece]

ok fr im gonna post this bc this is amazing @ 16 y/o me, what happened to you? selfshipping with a character not a single person on this hell of an earth cares about while staring the entire SPN cast straight in the eyes and being like fuck y’all?

[December 27th, 2012]

HE hadn't thought dying would feel quite like this. Or maybe he did, to an extent. Weightless, like he was floating was to be expected, feeling lightheaded, especially as the almost blinding light blasted from the stone. "It wall went white" doesn't have the same ring to it, though. He had seen that poor woman earlier be vaporized by the stone's power, and he was sure that was what was happening to him right now. Individual atomic bonds being ripped apart by the raw energy being thrown off by Stonehenge.

Even as an astrophysicist he hadn't expected to die such an unpredictable death. Maybe in an accidental atomic explosion at the worst, maybe get cancer or something. Much domestic deaths available than this seemed almost appealing, but in the end, he had saved the world in his death. He knew that long before he left the car with Dr. Jennings. He would die at Stonehenge, even if he failed. Getting the key to the center rock would cause what was happening: this discharge of power on a much smaller scale than the one hat would've occurred had he failed. The one that would redirect the atomic bomb, and then the one after procuring enough of the magnetic power from the Earth's poles.

That was why he left his ring with Dr. Jennings, and faked hope when she said she'd be giving it back. He would never see her again. A chestful of anticipation and the weight of quite possibly the literal world rested on his shoulders and he set out with determination.

Which he was successful and lead to this feeling of weightlessness, of falling even. To be honest he hadn't even realized he was falling until he realized his side and leg burned with pain. He had thought with just enough clarity to think that wasn't the pain supposed to stop once your brain had been picked apart one atomic-level bond at a time? Weren't you supposed to stop thinking? And in that moment he opened his eyes and he could swear on every book of astrophysical theory that he was actually falling. The light spiralling around his was not his near death experience, he was actually falling Goddamn it all. Hell, for all he knew he was actually being taken to see who the hell made Stonehenge and the key and terraformed Earth in the first place billions of years ago. He admitted earlier that there were forces they simply couldn't explain with modern theories, and maybe even any theories to ever trickle through peer reviews. Maybe they had something else at work in their terraforming device, they wouldn't even have to know.

The weightlessness was expected, the falling was a bit of a surprise but still could maybe to chalked up to last-minute hallucinations in an attempt to keep his mind in a single piece. It was the collision of his back to a very solid, very hard surface that had Dr. Glaser sputtering and trying to keep his focus on the material world.

Landing had jostled his already tender gunshot wound, and he groaned despite himself. This was so much less graceful than just being ripped apart or vaporized. He really hoped that at least the cult follower was being as disgraced as himself. Maybe a little more dead, since he did after all wish death upon all the humans in the world. That wasn't very nice.

Jacob stared up from his position on what he assumed was the ground of some abandoned building. The walls were concrete, maybe in a basement somewhere- supposing it was of human origins. The walls were old and a dingy gray, obviously uncared for and let to fall into disrepair. On the ceiling, however, Jacob could not comment since above him was only a swirling vortex of light and color: one that he had obviously just fallen from. He thought for perhaps a moment he had fallen through some sort of wormhole, created by the extreme energy at the stone and forced a counterpart white hole somewhere and had sucked him through. Though that hardly explained how he was still alive: a black hole would crush him under the extreme internal gravity. Not to mention it would also be ripping apart Europe by now.

No, Dr. Glaser was contented to ponder on how he got here as he bled to death slowly. It was a sad death, he thought. He much preferred being vaporized to this, at least in being vaporized he could hope someone would make a movie for him one day, with decent special effects for being vaporized. He could be famous, but no, like this he would be that one scientist that ends up being found in 30 years and then accused of faking his death for publicity. At the scale of everything that had happened surely it would be even more incredible than if they had found Hitler's body in South America. He pondered it a moment more.

Maybe not quite that sensational. It would certainly still rattle the gossiping TV shows for a couple weeks. No, he contented to pressing a hand to his wound which still oozed warm blood over his fingers and into this clothing. Judging from the state of the room and likelihood that he was in an evacuated zone, he hadn't expected anyone to show up. He certainly did not expect a loud cry of "Jesus Christ! Sam, Cas! Get in here!"

Actually he was expecting to really be hallucinating that. He looked lazily, the blood loss finally digging at his consciousness, and saw a large pair of too-green eyes staring back at him. The man, - oh God, Jacob could swear he looks just like Jensen Ackles, the American actor, pushes Jacob's hand out of the way to press a cloth to his wound. "Hey man, it's going to be okay, alright?" Jacob's head is too blurry to really understand what's going on, but is clear enough to know that that tone is more like 'I'm saying this so you wont freak out on me' than 'its okay'.

He expected to die anyway so it's all good. Maybe not with an actor trying to keep his blood inside his body, but hey it'll only make the story even better. He could probably get by with better last words than "It was a robot head", but he could settle for dying in an actor's basement. The man turned around again and yelled: "Sam! Cas!"

This time another man appeared from a doorway, rushing over to the first. He was remarkably tall, Jacob knew for certain even from his state on the floor. And now maybe Jacob could start having a panic attack or laughing off this hallucination because god dammit the other man was fucking Jared Padalecki. So either he was dying on the set of Supernatural, or something was definitely off. He recalled distantly that he had called him Sam, not Jared. And now he was sure he was hallucinating: this was absurdly nuts. Yeah, maybe Sabrina had told him that it was real and she was stuck on the wrong side, but come on. She was having some sort of mental breakdown when she said that. She'd said his alternate on the other side was an angel but this was stupid, this was ridiculous.

"Oh my god, Dean, he looks just like..." Jared (Sam?) mumbled, grabbing a hold of the wound on Jacob's leg. Dean- Jensen- nodded somewhere between numbly and grimly. And then around the corner came another body. Oh Christ, why would this have to be his pre-death hallucination, why couldn't he be receiving his award for astrophysics again, that would be nice.

"Move," The Jacob lookalike said, voice way too low and gravelly to be correct with his body. But they moved and Cas(?) moved in close, squinting at Jacob and all Jacob could was try to not cough up any blood that he felt trickling in his throat. Cas pressed two fingers the Jacob's temple and -now its certain he's hallucinating, but whatever- he was just fine. He gasped, happy to not feel restricted by the pain in his abdomen.

"What do we do...?" Sam began, looking helplessly between Cas and Dean. Jacob was still trying to sort his thoughts.

"Do you know Sariel?" Cas questioned, and it took him a moment to realize his lookalike was talking to him. He thought over a minute. Sariel? No, he didn't think he knew any and shook his head accordingly, too stunned for words.

"If she was stuck on the other side would she even be using her real name? Wouldn't she pick something else so she wouldn't, you know, stand out?"

Jacob could piece that together. Stuck on the otherside and there even being a Jacob alternate? He breathed in through his mouth, expecting it to feel tight and dry and shocked to feel it wet and edging on normal. He worked out, "Sabrina,"

The trio looked down at him. "This is another.. world, right?" They exchanged glances and shrugged, a unison of 'more or less'. "Sabrina Jennings, she said she was,"

The surprised yelp from above was all the warning he got as a body was falling much too quickly from the ceiling to stop. It landed heavily with a thick 'thump' on Jacob's middle, making his cough and sputter.

[December 28th, 2012]

"Oooh, I think I'm dying..."

"You are not dying, Sariel."

"You don't know that, ughh, this feels so awful. Won't you help me Jacob?" "No, just taken some more Nyquil, you're fine. You have the flu." I rolled onto my other side and mustered up my best kicked puppy dog look. "Jacob, won't you please go get it for me...?"

He turned around to glared at me, frustrated and tired with my antics. I really did feel horrible, more than what I expected the "flu" to feel like: more accurately I felt like death personified. I ached all over and moving at all left me terribly nauseousness. I'd never felt anything like it, Angelic or otherwise. Hell, I wasn't supposed to be able to get sick. I may have only partially fallen but that implied I was still partially an Angel and as a part angel being, I shouldn't be able to get sick with such human diseases, right? surely that was in my contract. Maybe

I probably should've read the fine print. I didn't even bother reading the shortened juicier version. Not that this metaphorical contract existed, that's why its metaphorical. I just didn't bother to actually consider what would actually happen if I ripped half my grace out (closer to two thirds, I still had a single pair of wings, not all three). I felt temperature and was bothered by it (I took to wearing several pairs of socks in the winter), I needed food occasionally, I slept a little off and on (maybe 3 hours a night, easily looked over). I hadn't even thought that sickness could also claim my much more fragile body.

I was still angelic enough that it would require a heavenly blade to kill me, I knew that for certain after I tripped and stabbed myself one evening. Whether it still took an archangels' blade or if any lackey could kill me was a mystery I wasn't too keen on figuring out. Being dipped in holy oil would probably fry me, which is such a pity.

But sickness is another thing all together, there were a handful of diseases that could affect angels. Mostly they attached to the wings: the most sensitive part of any angel, arch- or not. They were akin to birds' diseases, but the difference was simple. We could rid ourselves of them almost instantaneously. I'd only heard of cherubs being stuck with their sickness for a while, and even then they are so far down the food chain it isn't surprising. They're barely above humans, only capable of flight and hiding themselves from human view. They don't even require vessels.

But the flu, oh the flu. I had kept the part of my grace the healed, which seemed to be useless now, unable to rid my vessel which was essentially now my body, of this virus. Or whatever it was. It wasn't pleasant, I knew that. I ached all over to the very core of my being and even trying to press my grace against the wound-less pains seemed to be useless. I felt cold all the time and yet my body burned inside, and I was partially worried I was becoming Lucifer: burning cold and vessel flushed hot in attempts to press my grace and form out of its physical self. I slept much more, a full 8 hours which Jacob had explained was normal for humans to sleep more when they were sick. It meant their body was working overtime to try to push the stuff that was making you sick out. He swore to show me a movie he called Osmosis Jones, "Even though it's inaccurate in so many ways, it's pretty funny." I didn't really pay attention. I liked almost every movie he'd shown me thus far even though I hadn't seen a whole lot. Only maybe 50ish, and that was being generous. I guess for being around for a year on Earth, that was pretty good.

But this sickness was not "pretty good". It was horrible. I don't know how humans dealt with this as a possibility every winter. I snuggled deeper into the bed, pulling the blankets up to my nose and Jacob seemed to understand that getting up really would send my nausea into overload again. (Last time I had tried to move ended with me curled up on the floor with my head between my legs, crying out of my misery). I left the room for a minute, and I coughed roughly. Dry and it ripped at my throat, I grumbled something about probably using all my archangel abilities, as soon as I got them back, into wiping out the flu virus. This was a perfect example of grade A suckage.

I sniffled and suddenly a bluish greenish liquid in a clear bottle was being thrust at me. Jacob held it out while I took it from it, opened the top and took a large drink of it. He raised an eyebrow and I shrugged. I still had resistance to much of humanities drugs, making going to the doctor especially weird. Jacob had feigned flu as well to get a double dose of Tamaflu, whatever that was. He said I should probably just double the dose and anymore and he'd be worried about its effects on me.

So far I didn't feel any better. Doubling the amount of any medicine I took never seemed to do the trick, at tripling I got trickles of effects, mostly little things. Six ibuprofen and I noted that I didn't want to tear my spine out quite as much. It took ten to really make me relax and be able to think about anything besides it.

I screwed the cap back on and held it out to him again. He took it and set it upon the night stand. He sighed and ran a hand over my forehead, his palm feeling cool against my skin. "I'm sorry you're sick, Sariel." He cooed softly. He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

I stifled a cough and mumbled, "Yeah well, don't get yourself sick too, I can't take care of you like you take care of me... I wouldn't even be able to heal it out of you."

He laughed and stroked a hand through my hair, "I can't get the flu."

I barely contained the shock in my voice: "What? how?"

He grinned and shook it head. "Unlike you, I got my flu shot."