#eti reads who we are and how we got here

[morphyvt]

Etie's Workout

Ao3 | Wattpad (Fire Emblem Engage) Etie x Reader [Self-Insert/OC]

Words :2522

Tags: Fire Emblem, Fire Emblem Engage, Etie, Kisses, Neck kisses, OC, Self-Insert, Romance, Kissing, Friends to Lovers, Ao3, Ao3 Fanfiction

After Sombron's defeat, Elyos rejoiced in its newfound peace. Lythos, Firene, Brodia, Solm, and even the returning land of Gradlon all united under a non-aggression pact. With the end of the war, the age of hope and rebuilding the world back to normal had begun. The entire continent became busy with efforts of fixing the fragments left by the conflict. Many of the Divine Dragon's companions soon had to part ways. The monarchs returned to rule their sovereign lands, ensuring that relations with each nation would heal and remain firm. Of course their retainers and knights would return their sides. Others would return to their families, some would travel the world, and the rest went back to enjoying a normal life. The once populated Somniel returned to being a tranquil place for the Divine Dragon. The ruckus of Timerra, Merrin, & Panette's singing  was replaced with silence. As was Pandreo's constant howling as returned he to his church. Even the silent gaze of Louis was sorely missed at the Somniel. The Divine Dragon and their stewards' duties mostly had them situated at the newly rebuilt palace of Lythos, so there was little need to return to the Somniel, yet it was still open & welcome to those who had stayed there during the Divine Dragon's journey to expelling the evil Sombron.

It was at this day that I found myself returning to the place where I once enjoyed tea with the likes of Celine & her vassal Chloe. The place where Seadall & Kagetsu read my fortunes. I was overcome with a feeling of yearning for days gone by, then immediately feeling guilty that I would selfishly wish to return to a time where there was war, constant battles, and when the Somniel was full of people.

And yet it seems desire actually became reality. From the plaza I could hear a faint noise coming from somewhere distant. It couldn't have been one of the animals at the stables as they were all either adopted or joined the Divine Dragon at Lythos. Even the creature that follows the Divine Dragon around doesn't show themself unless the Divine Dragon is around. To sate my curiosity, I decide to investigate the sound. As I got closer, I noticed that I was heading in the direction of  the training yard, and that I could hear it more clearly. It was familiar and no animal. It was a person grunting, none other than Etie, a knight of Prince Alfred of Firene. But more important than that, she's a comrade, someone I could trust with my life. 

I do admit, seeing her doing sit-ups like she used to do when we were constantly traveling made my heart beat out of rhythm.  She was facing away from me, so she didn't see me yet, also it would have been awkward as she was also wearing her usual clothes and not the workout garments. I wondered why she was wearing that iconic frilly yellow-ish midriff blouse, though I must admit that I didn't mind seeing her in action. Her sweaty abs glistening against the sunlight-- Oh, I really must have gotten carried away with staring because I lost track of what I was supposed to do. Etie did eventually see me, throwing her reps. Getting up quickly, she lets out a winded "It's you!" 

It felt really good to see her, and next thing I knew she rushed at me and gave a tight hug. For someone almost a foot shorter than me, I could feel her practically lifting me off the ground before she lets go. I did like the embrace though, she hugged me like how I would want to hug someone I care about, if that makes any sense. Maybe it was the sunrays causing me to hover my hand and arm slightly above my eyes, but I could have sworn at that moment when she let go, Etie was blushing.  "It's good to see you! Wait-- What are you doing here?"  She asks, to which I swiftly respond with "I could ask you the same thing!"  

I could see it in here eyes that she felt the same thing I felt. Etie was one of my closest friends during our journey with the Divine One. After the emblems disappeared, it felt just as lonely knowing the fact that Etie had to return to Firene to serve her Prince. I'm sure Alfred & Boucheron would have been great company for her but I wanted to be there for her too. I wasn't native to Firene, neither am I a knight there. Perhaps that's why I decided to return to the Somniel. I was fueled with purpose to fight alongside the Divine Dragon. Now that peace had returned, I felt like I had served my goal. I didn't just come back to reminisce on old times, but to return to a place where I was driven to achieve something. Maybe I'd be inspired to pursue a new goal again!  That would probably be too long to say to someone I hadn't been in contact with for a while, so I just followed up with  "I don't know, I just missed this old place." 

"Huh, I didn't take you for the sentimental type. Me, I missed working out here! Firene's been really noisy lately with all the parties & celebrating us beating Sombron. So I wanted to go somewhere quiet to train." Etie explains to me, albeit panting as she speaks. "Woops! looks like I certainly interrupted that. Sorry to ruin your quiet training day."  I was pretty sure I wasn't really bothering Etie, but honestly I just wanted to tease her. "What no! I don't mind you here." she retorts. "The Divine One used to stare at us training. Remember?" bending her arms and anchoring her hands on her hips in a defensive stance. Etie didn't sound as fatigued as she was earlier. Knowing how intense her workouts usually are, it was quite impressive.

Thinking back, I definitely remember that time. Me, Boucheron, Etie, Prince Alfred, and even little Jean were doing squats at the very training yard we were standing on right now. The Divine One would always stop by to either watch or join in exercises, mostly they'd just stare at us. "That Divine Dragon, always running around and watching out for us. I don't know if they did that cause they cared or if he just thought we'd be too chaotic." I said to Etie. "Wha-- Us!? Chaotic? Why I'd never?" Her voice wavered in denial.

"I'm pretty sure you almost started a fight with Goldmary over a potato." A memory that vividly clouded my mind as soon as she said she'd never. "THAT WAS MINE! THAT POTATO THIEF JUST TOOK IT WITHOUT ASKING AND ATE IT! SHE---" she blew her bangs to the side of her face, clearly showing her furrowed brows. Yet despite the face she was making, I found her adorable. I always had thought she was cute despite her... Intenseness. 

I was still curious why she was working out with her regular clothing, though I did notice the ribbon on her head was crooked. The sight of it lured me to reach out and adjust it properly. I didn't realize I was oblivious to the fact that Etie stopped dead on her tracks mid-sentence. She was willing herself not to look at my face as I had gotten really close to her face. Her cheeks burned red, as did mine when I finally wised up to what I had inadvertently done.  We had closed the distance to each other as if fate or an unseen force was pushing us towards each other. Etie, with her head sunken and eyesight glued to the floor couldn't even mutter a single word. Where was the loud and brash athlete from earlier? Her forehead makes contact with my chest, not completely buried but a light touch as if she was beckoning me to come and embrace her. Funny, if only she knew what I knew. No, what I always had known especially during those moments where corrupted would try assault her and I'd come in and shield her from the blows, or when she'd snipe out enemies who'd almost snuff me out from behind - that I had always had a warm yet soft spot for her. There is no one on earth I would trust in my life. And at that moment, there was no one who I wanted to be alone in that serene Somniel with except her. I didn't even mind that she & her outfit was completely drenched in sweat from her workout, which reminded me... "Why were you working out in your battle clothing by the way?" "So I can be used to fighting with this on-- no, actually... I come here every now and then, hoping to see you again. I-- I missed you." Her face was now fully buried on my torso. Despite how muffled she sounded, I could clearly hear what Etie said. It reminded me of the last time we saw each other, when the Divine Dragon ascended the throne. We arrived that day to celebrate, but left going our separate ways. I recalled how I was tasked with bringing Anna back to her family at Elusia, which believe me was one crazy experience that maybe I'll someday tell, and Etie was tasked with bringing Jean back to his family at Firene. Me and Etie, going to opposite sides of the map. I remember wanting to look back but choosing not to glance over my shoulders. I regret not doing it because maybe she was waiting for me to look at her. However the map of Elyos is a ring, a circle, and ultimately me and Etie found ourselves where we both started - at the Somniel, back at the yard where we'd overwork ourselves until our bodies gave in, hopelessly trying to bulk up. When she said she uttered that she missed me, it felt like our last meeting. Except this time I was ready to face her. "I missed you too" I rested my right  hand on her bright auburn hair, though it probably messed up her ribbon again.

"This seems like a good time for a jog! I'll just..." in that moment, when she said that and turned her back, ready to run - I instinctively grabbed her arm with a tight grip, but not enough to to inflict pain on someone I cared about. In those few seconds, I was overthinking. What if this was too much for Etie and she drifts away from me? Would she pull further and further from me no matter what I said? It felt like my mind was thinking a billion scenarios in that short instant, and I didn't know what would be the right thing to say.

 I tugged her arm lightly and tried to say something, anything. Before I could even form a word, Etie wrenched my gambeson with her other hand like she wanted to rip it off of me. I could not even react as my mind blanked when her lips pressed against mine. Whatever strength I had to yank her to my direction softened. She had brought herself closer to kiss me, and I was paralyzed. Deep down inside, contentment was spreading within and all I could do to express it was to kiss her back the way that she would hopefully love to be kissed. Her hand, still clenching my gambeson, pushes me against the stone wall of the training yard. You know, I imagined I would be the one pinning her against the wall, but I didn't mind this one bit. Feeling Etie's full weight pressed against me while being kissed and backed into a corner, I moaned with our mouths still stuck together. She definitely noticed that because she started kissing more aggressively. Two can play at that game. I grabbed Etie and turned sideways, pinning her against the wall this time. This time I was the one who was stealing a shameless moan from the other.  We were both turned on being chest to chest to one another. My hands & fingers dance along from her shoulders then to her waist. I could feel her hard abs even from the sides. She was the real deal, a body chiseled like a warrior goddess. Then I felt Etie bite my lower lip, catching me off guard. I tilt my head away to see that smug grin on her face. All I could think of was a way to get back at her for that.

When my tongue & mouth touched her neck, she exhales, breath misting away. I stay buried there until I went back to pressing my lips to her. Her shakey arms hook around my neck as she misses kissing me too. We pull away for a moment to meet each other eye to eye, the way we looked at each other changed. There was more of an unexpected warmth. We were magnetized to the sight of one another.  

"Come home to Firene with me." Etie's eyes still glued to mine, I could have sworn they were sparkling at me. When she requested that, my mind quickly returned to reality. Etie was a royal knight of Firene, and the daughter of a marquis. I am nobody,  I'm not even from Firene. I don't think Alfred or Princess Celine would bat an eye. Queen Eve and all those other nobles might though. I don't want to make life harder for Etie. Perhaps our romance would just be this one special moment at the Somniel, but before I could even voice a concern--

"Don't you dare think of having second thoughts now. We kissed. I... I want you with me. I don't care what anyone else thinks, if anyone has a problem with you at home, then they'll have to deal with me!" She reminded me of just what I admired so much about her. It wasn't just the attraction or the bond we've built, but Etie is someone who truly inspires me to be strong inside & out. And with that, my mind was set. I found what I came to the Somniel for. Wherever Etie goes, I go.  

"You are the one I feel closest too. Of course I'll go with you!" My arm, wrapped around her waist and back. I fell closer to her to give her another kiss. Her lips did not move, here eyes remained open. "Did I say something wrong?"  "No, not at all" Now she falls closer to me to give me another embrace.  I wanted that hug to never end. With a single finger, I tilt her head up from the chin. Looking at her eye to eye, I could tell she reciprocated what I felt when I gazed upon her. It was like those moments when war raged on, the chaos of battlefields, and when I was at my most lost - I'd look for her. Knowing Etie was still alive during a battle always calmed my nerves. Now that we saw each other for how we truly feel, I felt content.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

[raxistaicho]

Are we not Engaged? Part 5

Spoilers under the cut

-Dragon loli Azura is getting attacked by Corrupted.

-She’s looking for her sister. Alear 100%

-What does getting Sommie to max joy do anyways? Oh well, making the littler bugger happy is fun XD

-Alear Yunaka C: I can’t stop hearing Ahri when Yunaka talks lol. “I’ve merc’d a time or two,” okay that was legitimately nice word play. Honestly, I like Yunaka most when she slips into killer mode when she scores crits. I’m probably trying to read too deep into her, but I’m curious where her real self starts and ends.

-Louis Yunaka C: Louis gives her tea. What is it with Firenans and tea. Louis asks Yunaka about her family, Yunaka kinda dodges the question and Louis tactfully withdraws. Not much happens here, but I suspect we’re building to something.

-Citrinne uses big hurty lightning \o/

-Celine Louis C: T E A. Celine likes to smell her tea. Louis knows where special tea is and Celine’s excited.

-Alcryst Citrine C: Citrine’s training, Alcryst praises her for it. She’s upset about not being strong enough for some reason.

-Hmm, seems I can’t actually take master seals into battle, that’s interesting.

-On to Brodia castle and chapter 8.

-Oh wow, Brodia castle looks even harder to take than Firene castle.

-Diamant is coming to greet us, hopefully he doesn’t take a shot at us or try to start an international incident.

-There’s something off-puting about Diamant’s eyes.

-Morion’s voice actor is terrible.

-Diamant apparently argues with Morion not to leave the castle. What, is he not capable of defending himself in this kingdom of might? Also the game actually froze in the middle of Morion’s dialogue for a bit, I never had that happen in Three Houses.

-It happened again lol.

-Morion just tosses Roy’s ring at Diamant, wtf... I know I’m supposed to see him as good-hearted and friendly, but he’s just acting like a another doofus.

-Here’s Roy. Thank god his summoning tune wasn’t a remix of Beyond the Fucking Sky. Or at least not one I recognized.

-Oh hey, here Ivy. “She’s dodging all our wyverns’ attacks.” We’ll see if that translates to gameplay lol.

-Ivy’s gonna take my life and my soul. Oh boy, more edgy cliches. At least she’s not as annoying as Hortensia. Oh she’s actually remorseful.

-Oohhh, the Sage Lord was Leif.

-Oh christ I already don’t like Amber.

-Citrinne got a Constance level! \o/ Oh well, with her meh base speed she might as well quadruple-down on poking. Besides, I have Celine when I need a monster-fast mage (17 speed roflmao)

-Etie’s decision to just really really stupid strong worked out when she dealt Zelkov a crushing 22 damage with a crappy Longbow, lol.

-Zelkov is like he's trying to be Hubert but he doesn't realize part of the charm is Hubert just embraces who he is and also takes it out for a romantic evening. At least he’s not lacking in noticeable character traits like Kagetsu.

-”With this ring, nothing and no-one will take me down.” They all say that. Then I send Celine after them.

-We got Leif \o/

-”Emblem of Genealogy” I really fucking hate how Leif is representing Genealogy Gen 2 rather than Thracia.

-”How could I have failed,” you flew straight into an ambush.

-Wait, did we just let Ivy leave???

-King Hyacinth is trying to challenge Morion into combat.

-Morion is toss around death flags like crazy. No idea why Diamant is so afraid when Brodia has been at war with Elusia for ages.

 -Diamant is boring as shit as a character. Morion’s supposed to be jolly and fun but he’s just an idiot.

-Finally we reference whether or not Alear can turn into a dragon. She absolutely will before the end.

-Oh my god, Catherine’s alive and she got old and came to Brodia!!!

-Celine Alear B: TEA. Seems bandits are attacking tea trade routes. What is it with Firenans and tea. Eve is sending Celine after the bandits because... she knows the most about tea? What? Alear asks what she’ll do, Celine says she’ll “drive them off with pranks”. Celine, you’re like my best soldier, just go kill them all \o/ Celine laments that real life isn’t so fanciful, then she raises things to 11 by saying she’ll do whatever it takes to protect her people. I mean I have her burn my foes to death easily but eh.

-Oh nice this game carries over Echoes’s weapon transformation system. Except unlike Echoes it gives you materials at better than a drip-feet.

-Framme Chloe A: Oh my god, it’s still the same scene. Framme accidentally gave Chloe a sandwich of fried bugs. This is literally just their B support being repeated!

-Celine Etie B: T E A. Turns out Alfred almost died when he was young and Celine had to toughen up because of it. Etie’s hand is still trembling. Oh she’s using her weird weighted teacups again. Celine’s handled cannonballs???

Celine Alcryst C: Celine’s out late because she can’t sleep. She admits to having recurring nightmares due to lingering trauma of when Alfred was sickly, Alcryst says he fears Diamant dying too. This one was legitimately a good support convo, it’s like something from 3H.

-Citrine Clanne C: Citrinne bugs me, she’s trying to be a refined mature lady but she’s got the same babyface as the other girls. Clanne’s trying to help a withered wildfowe, Citrinne is pleased for it. I think this has something to do with her obsession with getting stronger.

-Oohh, gold corrupted. I wanna see what that’s all about.

-Oh no, the fog of war is back.

-Alear Alcryst C: Alear almost gets ambushed... by a wolf. Alcryst asks the wolf to leave Alear alone... and then begs it to leave... This is worse than anything Bernadetta ever did.

-I began a relay just now. Later I shall see what the ignorant masses achieve with my incredible Louis, Celine, and Chloe.

-Celine Alcryst B: Turns out Morion stupidly made Alcryst worry that his father and brother will die. Alcryst goes to check Diamant whenever he’s woken by his nightmares. They pledge to support each other.

-Alcryst Diamant C: They’re sparring. Diamant is mostly trying to help out Alcryst’s mindset, but Alcryst is stubbornly pessimistic. It ends on Alcryst wondering if Diamant has any weaknesses.

-Alcryst Lapis C: Alcryst vows to protect Lapis because he thinks he’s worthless, but it makes Lapis really uncomfortable.

-Vander Amber C: Vander is devoted and stuff, Amber’s stupidly looking for a legendary weapon he thinks might be at the Somniel because he’s Amber and he’s stupid. Vander tells Amber he needs to make a weapon legendary by becoming legendary.

That’s all for now, next will be chapter 9.

[toastedicarus]

I was feeling bad about missing the first post, but apparently the next update is in MARCH so I'm not too late if you think about it?

One of the things that put me off reading Twig the first few attempts was that instead of joining on the premise of 'superheroes' or 'magic' I was instead slapped in the face with the premise of 'biology' which while I think Wildbow does an excellent job of mucking about with to create cool, horrifying, and other sorts of rad shit with, isn't exactly my personal cup of tea? I'm a fake wildbow fan, I'm here mostly for the Rad Shit and rely on other wormbloggers to present Themes and Ideas and such.

Sy this is a lizard. A snake with legs is just a lizard. Did you perhaps miss the second lesson, after 'life needs these elements' in which they go 'this is a lizard'?

The beginnings of Sy being a little shit. I don't remember him laughing a lot later on though? I've heard people (including wildbow) describe twig as a coming of age story, so maybe this is part of it. Like I said earlier, do not expect particularly deep cuts in this liveblog lol.

Hello Fred-From-Scooby-Doo. I sure hope you don't rot away first when these child experiments are revealed to have expiration dates. This is also the second mention of the wax masks that I thought were going to be like, an Everytime thing instead of just something prepared for this particular outing. I dropped my first reading this very chapter because I didn't want to read about wax cracking just as often as taylor reached out for her swarm, given wyvern makes Sy watch peoples faces for tells or whatever.

Hello the girls! I'm sure the gender ratio of the team here will have no surprises later on. Lillian gets a smaller introduction here compared to the other lambs(? I'm not sure if they're called that at this point.) I faintly recall her being the unenhanced medic/intern on the team, and I wonder if Sy thinking about her less here is intentional.

Hello Helen, who's apparently the best lamb (And I found myself agreeing with this with what little I read.) I forgot you were a fucked up blonde little girl like bonesaw, with the 'bending body in odd angles' I had swapped your mental image to the girl from the ring after a bit.

I had to google Wallaces law, because I am dumb. I don't know if this is 'alt earth Wallace got more credit for shit than Darwin did' sort of thing or if Wallace's Law is also a real thing.

Is this the problematic yuri I've heard about or am I reading too much into things because the next chapter comes out in march?

Giving Sy the benefit of the doubt for now that he's doing this because he thinks it's funny to make her mad and genuinely doesn't think it's an issue, and is also twelve(?). May change my tune later given I've heard it doesn't really get better?

Mostly clipping this bit trying to burn the aesthetic into my mind given I forget it over time, replacing every location with a new Generic Brown Brick Building. Haphazard buildings with petrified trees holding them up. Not just Detroit but More British.

We live in a so-Sy-ety.

Oh yeah it was intentional. I remembered one thing about twig, woo.

Very good character establishing being done here.

Hi Jamie. Trying not to read too much into initial description seeing as I know some spoilers about them, but not liking how they look with short hair instead of being happy with long hair is relatable. Men's haircuts suck.

I wonder if we ever get details about the gangs previous monster of the week shenanigans. Also if one counts the kittens, this is two mentions of baby murder in the first chapter.

Sy doing his thing is fun. The fact he's like 12(?) and looking down on the ten year old is also fun.

Wildbow fixing his problems with numbers by introducing ten dollars as a lot of money to share between a few ten year olds. Any attempts to calculate how much anything is actually worth in the twigverse is going to be wrapped up in this murkyness.

So you were curious then.

And given Helen's manner of sitting it actually is a recurring problem. god damn it Sy.

Wollstone, after a google, is just a reference to Mary Shelleys mother, and not another real scientist I should feel dumb for not recognizing.

I could not picture Jamie's hiding spot or the way the door was propped up. Taylor and your omniscient swarm to make sense of wildbow tabletop RPG paced fights, I miss you. I'll even take Victorias 'thinker 1' power. Someone stitch echolocation bat ears on Sy or some shit I'm begging you.

Confirmation that Sy was being a twelve year old about the ten year old he was playing.

I guess I can let the lizard thing go if Sy is only calling that because they're giving all their cases dorky saturday morning cartoon names

I remember Sy calling himself dogshit at fighting and I really hope theres more of these moments where shit he tries just fucking fails like this.

The gang of 12 year olds watching a man be devoured by his own creation, and Sy is more interested in putting Lillian in the out group for covering her eyes. I think this is why I dropped twig the second time, I judged it by it's first chapter and thought with the 'monster of the week' type of plot, with the focus on hunting and food, pretty much every death was going to be indulging in vore instead of other fun ideas for death in a 'biopunk' setting. Snake charmer is a decent starter antagonist, I'll probably have more thoughts about him once we have others to compare him to. Being against the academy but wanting to join it, spouting a few lines about

I don't know Sy well enough yet to know if he was lying to me, the reader about the fake fall he made sound natural in the narration, or if he's just actually bad at fighting. There's a post going around about 'real people falling for the acts that characters put on' and Sy might be doing that to me.

Hooray government created child murderers! You did it! See you again in March, apparently.

[etirabys]

Peeved because I crave knowing 'when modern populations 1 and 2 diverged', but it turns out that usually the answer looks kind of like this

and it’s just not the same, man

[elamarth-calmagol]

Who Named Elrond and Elros?

I was going to write about this when I got around to writing about elvish naming conventions, but since Tolkien scholar Michael Martinez just answered my question and basically said “I have no idea what you’re talking about”, I really want to see what you guys know or can figure out.

Here’s the link to the response: https://middle-earth.xenite.org/short-questions-and-answers-vol-8/  For another source, https://www.elfdict.com/w/elrond?include_old=0 says:

Conceptual Development: The name Elrond first appeared in early Silmarillion drafts from the late 1920s (SM/38) and was first published in the Hobbit in 1937. His name appeared in The Etymologies from the 1930s in two forms: Noldorin Elrond “Starry-dome” (Ety/EL) and Ilkorin Elrond “Vault of Heaven” (Ety/ROD), both with essentially the same etymology as his later Sindarin name. In a few places Tolkien considered alternate etymologies for this name: in his notes on “Words, Phrases and Passages from The Lord of the Rings” from the 1950s-60s, he suggested the final element might be rhond “body” (PE17/183), and in a letter to Rhona Beare from 1958, he suggested the initial element might be archaic †Ell “Elf” (Let/281). Both of these seem to have been transient ideas.

And something similar about Elros, which means “star-foam”.

Basically, I’ve heard at least two different translations for the names Elrond and Elros, and I’ve also heard at least two different options for how they got their names.  I’d really like sources if you know them, because things are often circulated as canon when in fact, someone just made them up.  I imagine this is discussed in some History of Middle Earth books I haven’t gotten around to reading, but some of you have.

Elwing named them

First, Elrond and Elros might be the mother-names given to them by Elwing.  This makes a lot of sense, since El- names are very common in her line: Elwe/Elu Thingol, Dior Eluchil, Elured, Elurin, Elwing.  The only person who doesn’t seem to have an El- name is Luthien, and I assume she does and we just don’t know it (since most elves have three or four names).  If she named them, then these are the names they went by their whole lives.  And mother-names are often used publicly, so that’s all right.  This also fits with the explanation of their names: star-dome or “vault of heaven” and star-foam, both describing the night sky.  This is what Michael Martinez says is most likely, also adding that there is evidence of Quenya versions of their names, which makes sense with Earendil as their father.

Gil-Galad’s people named them

The other version I’ve heard (and this is the one I really want to find a source on) is that Gil-Galad or his people named them when they found them after they were sent away by Maedhros and Maglor.  In this version, they were named because of how they were found: Elrond sitting in a cave and Elros playing in a waterfall.  Then Elrond means “elf of the cave” (a translation Tolkien Gateway supports, though it says the name is referring to the caves of Menegroth) and Elros means “elf of the spray”.  However, the elfdict quote above claims that the translation of “el” as “elf” was rejected by Tolkien.

If this is how they were named, it’s really interesting to question why they kept using those names instead of their mother-names.  Are they rejecting the memory of their early life and the other people they’ve lived with?  Are they saying they’re different people now?  Or is it just that everyone started calling them by the nicknames and they couldn’t seem to go back?  This would also mean that they were called something else entirely by Maedhros and Maglor, which would be interesting to write about.

Maedhros and Maglor named them

I don’t know if I’ve ever actually heard this or it was just a misunderstanding of the above.  For a while I thought it was Maglor who found them in the cave and waterfall.  This would also explain the existence of a Quenya version of Elrond.  It would be fascinating if they kept the names that their kidnappers gave them and a really strong sign that they were a genuine family... or that they were brainwashed beyond recognition.

They were named more than once

I think it was the Tolkien Professor who I remember talking about the fact that some characters are given the same name by more than one person independently.  The best example is Aragorn being named Elessar by the people of Gondor, who had no idea that it was already one of his names.  This could have to do with foresight (e.g. a declaration that he will be named Elessar) or just the way that fate works in Middle Earth (I’m pretty sure Luthien was already called Tinuviel before Beren came along).  So it’s possible that Elrond and Elros were given those names for one reason by their mother and for an entirely different reason by someone else.

Please tell me which story you’ve heard and if you know a source for it!

[heuristicallyinclined]

ANA HOW DOES TEAL YLEEDA AND BLUE OFI MEET? Actually how did Ofi n Yleeda meet in the first place? .o.

@kurohaai because she is your girl.

OG meeting isn't anything too crazy/defined atm. In space, Eti and Ofi became friends and he introduced Ofi to his kismesis Yleeda and the two of them got along and starting hanging out as friends and got closer from there.

In the swap they meet on Alternia. One thing you need to know about indigo Ofi is that she is the indigo that Zebruh presents himself as and does everything in her power to hide it by coming off as really high maintenance, spoiled, and bitchy to justify it, but ultimately is pretty sympathetic to lowbloods. She feels for them and it is very easy to spin "softy taking in people who lost absolutely everything and is giving them work and a place to stay" to "complete monster who specifically enjoys tormenting others with literally no other options as part of her power trip." So Alternia being Alternia, she gets a larger team and it needs to be managed.

Yleeda I see as more of the office manager type kind of teal where she does do law, but focuses more on administrative work and enjoys working from smaller details to make a larger picture move effectively sorts of tasks. I also do see her as fairly tough and you have to be if you're wrangling people whose job it is to argue for a living, so between her size and general unwillingness to take shit, she's pretty good with logistics and experienced with managing large groups.

This gets a bit long so here's a read more

Ofelia and Daseer enter a law office and her being a big deal, immediately gets swarmed by teals hoping to bag her as a big name client to further their own careers. Ofelia is getting overwhelmed, Daseer is getting agitated, and Yleeda senses a shitshow brewing in the form of a rampaging clown because her dumbass coworkers were too busy trying to get Ofelia's attention to get whose attention they were actually getting. Acting like this is their first highblood and they're vultures waiting for a carcass to drop. Fucking embarrassing.

She parts the teal sea and leads the two away into her office so she can figure out what she wants/what she's here for so she can direct her to someone actually trained and competent instead of just overambitious and waiting to embarrass the whole office by failing and getting them culled, or worse, sued. Asks her if this is a criminal or civil case and is surprised when it turns out to be for employment. And the discretion is a priority here. Yleeda tries to ask her about what the goal of the contract is/ parameters to be set. Size of staff, is it growing, what kinds there are, benefits other than pay, does she want an NDA and what kind, any contingencies etc.

Ofelia, while nodding along, knows very little about law and is a bit lost, so this basically becomes employment law 101. Yleeda's feeling less good about sending her off to someone else the longer this goes on and this is the calmest her clown has looked. Offers her some time to think over her options and discuss with her quadmate because trying to force a decision seems like a profoundly bad idea, especially when she doesn't quite know what she wants. Offer to get the two coffee/shows him where he can get it. After giving them a bit to themselves, comes back and gets hit with, ""Okay. We have made Our decisiOn. LOOking fOrward wOrking tOgether with yOu, Yleeda."

She hadn't even offered herself as an option yet and was still trying to get her to a spot where she could at least have the words to describe what she wants. In Ofelia's mind, if she can bring down order than fast to a group of people searching for loopholes, then she's likely a good choice. She doesn't know much about law, but has a great sense for people and her moirail agrees and he will frequently be around so really this worked out. Ofi is a chill client and pays well to manage her contracts. Plus she seems generous on benefits so clearly retention is her main focus and she can work with that. Constant work is good work and ends up managing legal/payroll/hr for her.

Teal Yleeda by @theartisticapparition for reading this far lmao.

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Winter Fox Part 2/2

Summary: Reader remembers more things from her past, including how she got Bucky’s dog tags and something she lost along the way.

TW/CW: None that I can think of. Just Bucky Barnes x Female!Rogers!Reader

Requested?: Nope

Word Count: 1,106

A/N: Writing out these memories is fricking addicting for some reason lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this part. I may end it here, I might push it further, Idk yet. As always, Requests are Open!

Part 1

Your POV

    Another sleepless night, another boring day, another insane amount of coffee. Shuri was successful in removing the trigger words from my mind but that was a week ago. No one has come for me. No more memories have returned.  I just kind of wander around aimlessly throughout the day and then toss and turn in my bed all night.   

    I make my way down a long glass corridor and observe the sky outside. I stop, cross my arms over my chest and watch a few people sparring in the grass below. My fingers begin absentmindedly fiddling with the dog tags around my neck. I pick them up and read them again. They belong to James. I have warred with myself over this for days but I finally decide to give them back to him. 

    Speaking of which, he and Sam enter at the other end of the corridor. “Hey, you go on ahead, I’ll catch up with you later,” James mumbles to Sam. Nodding Sam continues on as James stops beside me. Before I can change my mind again, I take the dog tags off and hold them out to him. He tilts his head in confusion, “If I wanted them back, I would’ve asked for them.” 

    “What- What do you mean? They’re your dog tags. You don’t want them?” I ask. 

    “I want you to hang on to them for me, Doll,” he says with a grin. 

    I look back down at the thin pieces of metal between my fingers, “What happened?” 

    “Do you mean what happened for me to get those or what happened for them to find their way to you?” 

    “Both I suppose.” 

    “Well, I enlisted in 1941. Steve kept trying to enlist too but kept getting denied. That is until some scientist found him and gave him a chance. He ended up taking the super soldier serum. He found out that half my regiment had been taken captive behind enemy lines and set out against the Colonel’s orders on a rescue mission because I hadn’t returned with the half of our men that did. When I was behind enemy lines as a prisoner, Hydra’s scientist, Arnim Zola, did experiments on me and gave me a super soldier serum. After returning to base with everyone who had been taken captive, Steve and I fought alongside the Howling Commandos. We were wiping Hydra bases off the map. On one mission, we were on this train trying to get to Zola. A weapon mishap blew a hole in the side of the train and I fell out and grabbed onto the piece of train that was left hanging. Steve tried to pull me back in but I fell. After that, Zola found me. The serum helped me survive the fall. He took me back to Hydra and that’s when the Winter Soldier was born. As for how my dog tags ended up with you, I don’t really know.” 

    We stood in silence for a few moments as I stared at the dog tags before everything went black. A soft blue glow lit up the darkness. I looked up to see another movie screen. A film began playing. This time, I was sitting in a cell. I could tell I hadn’t slept in days. A Hydra agent enters the room and hands me a small black box. 

    “Otkroy eto,” (Open it,) he commanded. I do as commanded and inside the box I find a set of dog tags. “Naden'te ikh i sleduyte za mnoy,” (Put them on and follow me,) he demands. Without a word, I again do as commanded. 

    The man leads me to a lab. There is a man lying on a surgery table. Present day me recognizes it as James. He has a metal arm now with a red star on it. The man who led me into the room spouts off my trigger words before giving me my commands, “Nikogda ne snimayte eti zhetony. Oni prinadlezhat Zimnemu soldatu, i vy prinadlezhite yemu.” (Never take those dog tags off. They belong to the Winter Soldier and you belong to him.)   

    I wake up in my room with a worried James sitting nearby. He rushes over when he notices that I have woken up, “Did you remember something else?” 

   I nod and tell him everything I just learned. As I finish, I stop to think for a second, “I wonder how they knew, or if they even knew.” 

    “Knew what, doll?” he inquires. 

    “That we knew each other,” I answer. This seems to be an unsatisfactory answer so I ask, “What? Is there something I’m missing?” 

    “It’s nothing. You’ll remember it eventually,” he sighs moving to look out the window. 

    “No James. It’s obviously important to you. Please tell me,” I say as I get up and rush to his side and grab hold of his arm. 

    “Doll, I asked you to marry me the day before you went missing,”he says softly, pausing for a moment, “We more than just knew each other. We were engaged, but those bastards took you away from me, from us.” 

    Speechless, I sit back down in case I black out again, “We were- We were engaged?” 

    “Yeah,” he says, taking a seat beside me. 

    I lay my head over on his shoulder, which must’ve been a mistake because as soon as my head touched his shoulder, I blacked out again. 

    This time when the movie screen turns on, the movie begins with me and James when we were in our early 20s. We are walking down a sidewalk hand in hand. There’s no sound this time. We come to the docks where I remember James had been putting in lots of extra hours lately. Looking out at the ocean and watching the sun glinting off the waves I remember wondering how that day could’ve gotten any better. As James got down on one knee and offered me a simple but beautiful ring, that day became the best day of my life.   

    The screen goes black and I wake up and rub my eyes, “Wow, two in one day, I’m gonna have one hell of a headache later.” James chuckles beside me, “What did you remember that time?” 

    “You proposing in 1939,” I pause and my heart sinks, “I don’t know what happened to the ring.” 

    He wraps his arm around my shoulders, “It’s alright, doll. That’s what the dog tags are for until I can get you another one.” 

    “But James, you worked so many extra shifts for that ring.” 

    “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I have you back and you remember.”

Masterlist

Taglist:

[scurpmun]

My Monster Hunter Story

I guess you could call it my beginnings or my journey but either way.

I started with 4U back in July of 2015. Yeah. 5 years ago. Still shocks me. I had gotten into it because two of my fav YouTubers at the time did a video together playing and I wanted to try it out. Needless to say I feel in love with it almost instantly. I started with the switch axe cause i thought it looked cool... i mean come on. It's a giant axe. I worked my way through the story. Eventually learned of the sword mode on switch axe... still never used it. And got to Gore Magala.

He was my first wall that had me stuck for awhile. He was to fast for me and I felt like I wasn't doing good damage. I said I'd never play it again... but then I found out his weakness. Thunder... I then made the leap and became a SnS main. And in one attempt took him down. I was so happy! I was then doing online hunts every once and awhile and right before High Rank I player said I need a full set of something. So I made my choice. Gore was my first full set armor. I learned his patterns, his tells, everything. I had him down to a science and continued through the online and the story.

Eventually changing armor and weapons to the dah ren ex set along with ex poise SnS and went through the rest of the story and the online before G Rank. I remember getting to Shagaru Magala. My hands shaking, heart pounding, breathing just a bit quicker then normal. I was nervous... but pumped and excited. Our stare down in the cutscene. Then walking somewhat following each other. He became my rival. And it felt like it had respect for me having made it this far. And the fight. I had the volume as loud as I could letting the music fill my resolve, my passion, and my desire to come out on top. 35 minutes in that hunt. Trading blow for blow. Conquering the frenzy over and over, running so low on healing items, and I had won. I was so happy. Finally I thought I was done... but no. There was the Ultimate side of the story. Seregios, Rusted Kushala, etc. Very fond memories but also... there was still the online. With my new found confidence i started back going through the online. Taking down Dalamadur, Ukanlos, and entering G1. This continued until I hit G2. But as some of you may know. 4U was filled with hackers making hunts and shit... and I was in a hunt. Got shit I shouldn't have so people didn't want to hunt with me anymore so in G2 I stayed.

Then Gen came out. I was so excited for a new experience and I had some friends I had tried to get into monster hunter. We had agreed we'd all get the game together and play... well it came out... and I was alone. They wanted to hack quests so they refused to buy it. So my time playing it was short... then I made some friends who played Gen and I asked if they would play with me and help me do the online... worse mistake of my life... the leader dictated my gear... my weapons, my playstyle... I grew to hate the series... i grew to hate myself as a hunter cause i "wasn't playing support as a SnS main/ wasn't a good sns main"

Then world was announced. We agreed we'd play it together and in was in world my love for it started to come back just slightly... my armor and weapons were still being dictated but then... Vaal Hazak appeared. I saw it's armor and I finally broke from his control and went after it. I then fell in love with Pukei Pukei weapons cause of the feathers so I went after pukei things... then there was a long break... then Gen Ult came... I was again the only one playing but that was fixed when my friend Alex aka Night Lily started playing with me. And it was with playing it with her that the sadness and hatred I had for gen was turned it into a love. I could enjoy myself again! I was starting to feel happy hunting the monsters of Gen and when we finally got to the Gen Ult content I was super excited! I'm now happily a G4 hunter and somewhere in the late 100s in HR.

Iceborne came out and I had a fun experience so far. Not much to say cause it's still going. But it's through this bullshittery that Scurpway exists.

But from a 17 year old newbie (still calling BS on that) to the 22 year old 3ds veteran I am today... I've changed a lot and accomplished more then I ever thought I could in MH.

I even have a friend willing to play 4u with me to finally become G4 and play Tri Ult with me too...

My true friends... the ones I play GU, World, and 4U with... they brought my love back for monster hunter... and I love them so much.

@pal1947 @eti-mun @parkzarts @the-shy-artisan @lily-the-night-flower and @liyuanne and another who doesn't have a tumblr are the ones I talk with almost on the daily about this stuff. And I want to tell you guys. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you for making me love this series again and more then ever before. You guys mean more to me then you know. Thanks

And thank you. For sitting here and reading this extremely long post. To all the hunters out there... Happy Hunting, Stay Safe, and never... EVER... let someone tell you how to play the game you love.

[hashoterhatov]

Hidden talent | כישרון חבוי

You discover that your husband has been hiding something from you.

*

Eitan Konfino X Female reader

You pushed your way through the doors of the Petah Tikva police station, Danny’s lunchbox in hand. It was surprisingly empty at the front desk, Corinne being absent from her usual spot at the counter.

“(Y/n).” Yaacov Rabi appeared next to you with a surprised look on his face. “What brings you here today?”

“Oh, good morning Rabi.” You held the box in the air and smiled. “Yona asked me if I could drop Danny’s lunch off. I also had to fetch some papers from my desk.”

“Ah, okay. He should be in the breakroom. How’s everything with… You know…” He gestured towards your bulging stomach and you smiled, putting a hand underneath it.

“Coping.” you mused, “The baby is getting heavier each day, but we’re nearly there.”

“I can see. Every time I see you, your belly is bigger and bigger.”

The chief officer had such a way with words...

“I know.” you replied, “I hope it will disappear as soon as the baby is born, though.”

“Just a month and a half left, (Y/n). You will be fine. Do you already know when you will return to the station?”

You let out a laugh, but there was no humour in it. “No, Rabi. In all honesty, I haven’t thought about work in weeks.”

“Well, God bless you.” he told you, “I won’t hold you back any longer. If you find Danny, tell him his break is almost over, will you? And he needs to come see me as soon as he can.”

You gave him a nod before he went on with his work again.

Walking on through the police station, you soon found Danny and Corinne lounging on the sofa, Corinne’s legs pulled up, sprawled on Danny’s lap.

One of her feet was bare and Danny was working his hands over it, squeezing and massaging it firmly. His girlfriend seemed to thoroughly enjoy it, eyes closed, head thrown back to rest against the sofa.

“Hey there, lovebirds.” you greeted, smiling. As if they hadn’t heard you approaching, their heads shot up to see you, Danny’s fingers pulling back from Corinne’s feet as if stung by a bee.

“(Y/n)!”

“Your mother asked me to bring you your lunchbox, but from what I see, you’re too busy to eat.” you mused softly, grinning from ear to ear at the sweet couple in front of you.

“Oh, thank you.” he said. “Uh… Please don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

“Why not?” you said with a smile. “It’s sweet, I don’t judge you.”

“How did you even get this good at giving foot massages?” Corinne sighed. “I learnt it in Sweden.” She huffed out a laugh. “No, seriously.”

Danny took her foot into his hands again, working some oil over it. “When I was young, my father made my brothers and I massage his feet while he was watching the news. They stank like a shoe sole and the smell stuck to me all throughout my teenage years, but I mastered the craft.”

“Hold up.” you interrupted, holding up your hand, the other resting under your swollen stomach. ”You’re telling me that Eitan is a master at giving foot massages, too?”

Danny shrugged. “I suppose so. Dad always asked him to do it most often. He never told you?”

“No...? If I had known, I would’ve asked him for massages countless times already. Especially with the current state of my ankles. I can’t believe he hasn’t told me!”

Corinne hummed. “Perhaps he’s embarrassed about it?”

“Why would he be?” “Because he had to massage my father’s feet.” Danny said.

“Why would that be embarrassing?” you quizzed out loud. “Well, you know… Men.” Corinne said, rolling her eyes with a smile on her lips.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Danny protested, and you let out a laugh.

“Well, I will leave you two to it. Oh, Yona asked if you will eat at home tonight.”

“Corinne invited me over, so no.” “Okay, got it.” you said, “And Rabi told me to send you into his office soon.”

Danny let out an exasperated sigh. “What does he want now? Doesn’t he know I’m busy?”

An amused hum left you. “See you later.” “Bye (Y/n)!” Corinne greeted, waving as you left the premises, but not before grabbing the documents you came for in the first place.

A few hours later, you returned home from visiting the paternal home of the Konfino’s and placed down your bag on the floor before kicking off your shoes.

The house was already filled with the scent of food and you eagerly waddled to the kitchen, hands supporting your stomach. For a second, you stood on the threshold, admiring the sight of your husband.

“Hey handsome!” Your presence startled him a little, but he soon relaxed and a wide smile tugged at his lips. He turned the stove on low before turning to you, leaning down to kiss you briefly.

“Good afternoon baby and baby.” He cradled your tummy and pressed his forehead to yours. “How are you two doing?”

“Just fine.” you said with a gentle smile, bringing one of your hands up to tangle your fingers into his thick hair before letting it slide to his cheek, thumbing at his jaw. “Baby has been practising his summersaults today.”

“And my other baby?” You sighed and rubbed your nose against Eti’s. “Your other baby is very tired of hauling around all this weight.” “Did my mother pamper you at least a little?” he quizzed.

“She made me babka. How did she know that I’d been craving that all week?” A knowing twinkle shimmered in his dark eyes before Eitan pressed a soft kiss on your lips, turning back to the stove again, because no matter how much he wanted to cuddle you, the last thing he wanted was for you to be hungry.

“Who knows.” “Mujadara…” you said in awe, staring at the dish he was making. “That looks good.”

A pink blush appeared on Eti’s cheeks. “Well, I read somewhere that lentils are rich in folic acid, which is really important for brain development of babies.”

“That’s so thoughtful of you.” you whispered, kissing his cheek. He hummed in reply, almost shyly so, before you went to lay the table.

A few minutes later, dinner was served, and you were happily munching on your food while discussing how your day went;

“Rabi asked when I would return back to work again.” you mentioned, causing Eitan to scoff. “You’re heavily pregnant and that’s all your boss cares about? What a schmuck .” “Sadly.” you sighed, taking a sip of water. “Going back to work hasn’t even been on my mind.”

Eitan nodded and a soft smile tugged at his lips. “I still can’t believe that in a few weeks, we won’t be eating dinner with just the two of us anymore.”

He reached over the table and laid his hand on yours, causing you to blush. “Well, it’s not like the baby will eat solid foods right away.”

“I know,” Eti replied with a wink, “But still.”

You poked around your rice and took a few more bites before you were done eating. Your ankles were swollen and they caused you to sigh in discomfort.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” Eti asked you. “Yes, just a little tired.” “Why don’t you lay down,” he suggested, “I will clean this up and join you on the sofa.”

You would’ve protested if it weren’t for a particularly hard kick to the inside of your uterus, causing you to grit your teeth in pain. “(Y/n)?” Eitan immediately quizzed in alarm, but you held up your hand to calm him down.

“I’m good, don’t worry.” you promised, standing up before wobbling to sit down on the sofa.

You laid down and rested your hands on your bulging stomach, gently rubbing at the skin through your shirt.

Sinking away in your thoughts, it felt only like a minute before Eti joined you, sitting down underneath your legs, resting his hands on your shins.

“Baby,” you began, “I had a conversation Danny today.” “Oh,” Eitan replied, interest piqued at the sudden mention of his older brother. “What of it?”

You looked at your husband with a slightly tilted head, reaching over for his hand. He took it and you guided it to lay it flat on your stomach, biting your bottom lip.

“Danny revealed a little family secret.” you told him. “Oh?” A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. “Which one?” You let out a laugh and hummed. “The one where it turns out that you’re experienced in giving foot massages.”

Eitan fell silent. “Oh.”

“What’s so bad about that, babe?” you softly quizzed, resting your hand on top of his.

He sighed and looked at his lap before speaking up. “Dad always made me and my brothers massage his feet while he was watching the news.” he explained. “Yes, Danny told me that.” you said.

“Well, I’m not very proud of that fact.” he said. “After all, it’s my dad! With his dirty, smelly, disgusting feet and unclipped toenails.”

“Why haven’t you told me?” “I thought it wouldn’t be relevant.” he admitted. “And so you deny me out of heavenly foot massages for years on end?”

He let out a light laugh and shrugged. “I believe so.”

“Well, it turns out you have talent. Danny said that Yizhar mostly asked you to do it.” Mischievously, Eitan raised an eyebrow. “You have already experienced what my fingers can do, (Y/n).”

A giggle left your lips at the innuendo. “I have. So… Why not put them to work?”

You wiggled your toes and he hummed, tracing his fingers over your calf. “Don’t you think it’s weird that I used to massage my father’s feet?”

“Of course not.” you assured him. “If anything, I think it’s sweet. And you should be very good at it. I’m sure your pregnant wife would love a foot rub now.”

“If that is your wish, then I certainly shall provide.” He moved your legs off his lap and stood to fetch some oil, returning soon enough.

He put a clean towel underneath your feet so there wouldn’t be any oil leaking onto his jeans and pushed your trousers higher up your legs, just past your calves.

Folding one arm behind your head, you took on a pose in which you could both inspect him and sit comfortably. Your other hand rested on your belly, supporting it.

Eitan spread a generous amount of baby oil over his palms before getting to work on your feet, first spreading it over the top and then on the bottom before taking one foot into his hands, gently squeezing to see how you would react.

You sighed in relief, smiling broadly at the feeling. “Wow… That’s even better than your shoulder massages.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask me to massage your feet sooner,” he admitted, “For you request shoulder and back massages occasionally.”

“It never sprung to mind.” you said, eyeing him through half-lidded eyes, for you wanted to look at him, but at the same time, you wanted to give in to the sensation. “Oh, that’s good …” you murmured when he ran his index finger on the spot underneath your toes, rubbing soft circles.

“Hush now, (Y/n)...” he whispered. “Just close your eyes and enjoy the feeling.”

Eitan gently took one of your ankles and gently moved around your foot in such a way that your joints relaxed, tendons being calmed in the process. His eyes were fixated upon you, a gentle smile on his features as his heart filled with all the love he felt for you.

You were absolutely stunning like this - your cheeks flushed, the exhaustion readable on your face, the curve of your lips and the way your hand cradled your swollen stomach. There was no way you could look any more perfect to him.

“I love you.” he murmured, and your eyes shot open at the confession.

“I love you, too.” you whispered back, voice tinier than before, as if you were close to falling asleep.

His eyes shimmered with love purely for you, momentarily going to your belly, and then up to your face again. “Just sleep, sweetheart.” he told you. “I will carry you to bed.”

He didn’t need to tell you twice.

Since he insisted, you gladly gave in to the calming caresses over your feet, lulling you into a peaceful slumber.

Eitan kept on massaging your feet and ankles until he was sure that you were asleep, then softly moved your legs away so he could stand, wiping his oily hands on the towel. Then, he leaned down, kissing your tummy, and then your forehead.

“I love you so much, (Y/n) Konfino.” he told you before scooping you up into his arms, carrying you to bed.

[elegant-etienne]

3. [I] trusted [you]

Send me a number to receive a micro story!

Thank you for the ask, @maybeimawhale​!

(This song is what always comes to mind when I see the word ‘Trusted.’ And I think a lot about how I used to relate to this song, in the wake of a really bad break-up, but now that I’m older, I have to wonder if the narrator of the song is being at all reasonable. I also find it helpful, when revisiting subjects I’ve written before, to twist around the perspective a bit, and give myself permission, without naming the character in this piece, to treat Etienne’s ex-husband as a NPC, and admit to myself a lot of my own character’s faults from the outside.)

BEHIND THE CUT: Descriptions of a toxic marriage, substance abuse and addiction, suicidal ideation and an attempt, allusions to past abuse and PTSD, and very inaccurate TBH but this is more or less how I remember it going down descriptors of someone having a “split personality,” and some light misgendering of Etienne (they ID’ed as male when they met their ex-husband, and at the time of their wedding).

Also I am sorry for any errors, I can’t go back and fix them after the initial post or it’ll break the formatting on the post.

insp. Ben Folds - Trusted

It's funny I know But I'm disappointed in you I thought you could read my mind

Your husband - your spouse Etienne is doing better after the time away. Actually, the time when they was sleeping in the recovery wing - three sennights - is among the best you two have had. A few hours of visitation, and they're affectionate and loving and missing you. Even a rare smile, and they show you where the stitches came out. A bell or two isn't enough time to get worked into a fervor about things and restart the same fights you've been having for moons.

When they return, Etienne has warmth in their cheeks again. They're gaining weight again. They don't smile, but they've always been quiet about that sort of thing. They've missed you. They've missed you so much. They look more like they did on your wedding day, that reserved, understated glow. They look like the Etienne you married.

(In those moments when you thought you could still be one person successfully. In those moments when they thought they'd killed the other you. In those moments when they stood at you at the altar, teary-eyed but happy, so happy.)

"Welcome home, Etie," you say with your brightest grin.

"I'll be better this time. I promise. I'll never do that again."

You laugh and embrace. You're both so relieved.

But I came home early And saw that a drawer'd been opened Looks like you've been reading my diary instead

After a long shift in Medica, all you want to do is come home and take a bath. Etienne seems to have other ideas, however. They're seated at the desk. They're glaring at you. They hold up your notebook - the one with all the reports.

"So this is what you've been doing at night while I'm gone? Forbidden research and magic? I thought we talked about this! It's too dangerous, after the last time. What if it goes too far?"

"There was no one else who could do it. It had to be me." You've never raised your voice to Etienne. Not once. Sometimes, you've cried while you're fighting. Etienne has shouted before. Twice. It frightened you.

(They wanted to kill the other half of you.)

"What if something had happened to you while I was in care? I wouldn't have known where you were. And what if there had been an emergency at the FC? Folk need you. I need you. And you promised..." Etienne bows their head, sucking in sharp breaths to try and stop the crying.

"You have no business going through my notes. There could have been patient information in there!"

"...You were acting strangely. You were hurt. You weren't telling me things. You broke your promise." The tears have been withdrawn, all that's left is dead, blank sullenness from Etienne.

"I had no other choice."

"Did you even try to stop and think of one?"

"There wasn't time. Percy and--"

"Percy?!" There it is, the raised voice, a burst of life, a flame in their eyes. "I knew it. I knew he and you--"

"It was work--"

"--Have something going on, you told me it was nothing, you told me you weren't seeing him when I wasn't around-- While I was in the bloody hospital from trying to kill myself because I can't stand this, and you wouldn't leave me alone, you wouldn't just give me the space, and now the moment you have you're running around--" Etienne always gets like this. A million words a moment. Each a pointed attack, an accusation. When Etienne gets this way, you can't do anything right.

"--It's only work--!"

"Maybe I shouldn't have come back. Maybe Rosa was right, it's too soon, we're not ready." Etienne straights their posture, scrubbing at their eyes with the heels of their hands. "I drew you a bath. I'm going to bed."

How does it feel to realize You're all alone behind your eyes?

The bath is strewn with rose petals, the candles burned down hours ago. It's dark and cool in the bedroom off the heat of the bath. Your spouse is bunched up in one corner of the bed. "I love you, you know," you speak to the dark. To Etienne's back.

"I love you too," Etienne says, but doesn't turn around. “...Be honest. Did you fuck him?”

“No, it’s not like that. He found this... it was like a cursed circus, full of twisted creatures, he needed cleansing spells, he was able to show me ways to amplify my power...”

(He knows about the other you.)

"It's alright if you did," Etienne says, malms away in the same bed. Did they even hear your explanation? "If you want to, just tell me. We can figure out an arrangement, a lot of married couples do, just don't lie to me. Don't lie."

"It's not like that."

It seems to me if you can't trust You can't be trusted

You wait to hear the soft wheeze of Etienne's snores, but you drift off before they do. Somehow. In the middle of the night, it's a repeat of others. This hasn't changed with the time in care ward, apparently. Etienne sits up and starts screaming, won't be held, won't be comforted. 3AM in the morning and your spouse is in the corner, knees to chest, rocking. They start rooting around, too, when you pretend to sleep. They won't find anything. You poured all the liquor out sennights ago -- even the things in the back of the icebox and at the top of the bookshelf.

Caught in a dream Picking up astral signals Some of them psychic, you better watch what you think

You come home to Etienne sitting in front of their vanity. You see the shimmer of a deactivated glamour prism. There are tears in their eyes, but you don't know why. They slip the plate into a drawer somewhere, and you do not ask more about it.

"I got more of the sedative. To help you with sleeping. So you don't have to drink." It's never difficult to cadge a little bit of medicine on the side for loved ones when it's needed - such are the benefits of being one of the heads of Medica. No one has to ask any questions. Etienne doesn't have to get upset or embarrassed at exposing their problems to anyone they don't trust. Rosa doesn't have to put her foot down and force Etienne to stay in the care ward, away from you. It's win-win.

Something flits across Etienne's face - suspicion, mayhap, and they say-- "I'm going to try and handle it. I'm. I don't know if it's a good idea for you to keep giving me that stuff."

"The sedative's non-habit-forming. It's better than alcohol, at least."

"I still shouldn't turn to something every time I'm distressed. It scares me. Depending on that."

"Then at least talk to me about what's bothering you."

Etienne looks at you through the mirror, not turning around. "It's not anything distinct. It's. Hands. Being pulled down into darkness. Being pinned down. Being unable to escape. Sometimes it's so real I feel it, getting slammed into a wall or onto the icy ground... and no matter how I struggle, I can't get free. So I start screaming."

"Etie..."

"Well, whatever. Everyone's got their shite." You hate this. How they mutter and retreat into themselves. They fold up into themselves and they don't come back.

(Your nightmares are of fire, of the Calamity. Lost in the woods, mother and father are gone, you can't find your brother's hand--)

Etienne shuffles resentfully into the silence. "Are you willing to tell me what you did on that mission?"

"Are you promising not to get angry when I tell you the  details?"

Etienne lifts their chin. "I'll decide that when you tell me."

(You tell them. You don't tell them all of it. You don't tell them he's back.)

Happens to be that everybody else's dreams are Freudian clues You better watch what you dream

A few suns later, Etienne makes breakfast for you. That pink ruffly apron, but there's no singing this morning: just the sizzling pan. "Do you remember anything at all about last night?" they ask, plating up the little fish with fresh, fluffy rice. They loved that Doman cooking book you got them.

"Um..."

Etienne pours you scalding hot green tea. "I went looking for you. I gave that friend of yours quite a scare. I think maybe he thought I'd burn him alive." Etienne snorts. "I just made his tea boil a bit. When he told me the truth of what you two have been up to."

"Why would you--"

"Then I found you in the Quicksand. Chatting up someone else. Are you cheating on us both, darling?"

Your head's spinning as you try to braid the threads of last night back together. "That wasn't me--"

"No, it wasn't. I brought him back here. He was as awful to me as ever." Etienne accuses with swordlike jabs. "If he's back," they say, "Why did we do any of it? The ritual? I almost lost you then! Why did you make me do any of that if he was just going to come back?"

(Your head hurts.)

"You shouldn't have gone through my things," you hiss out. "There are things that you are better off not knowing!"

"Oh, like the fact you and that boy have a magical connection? Unlike anything either of you has ever experienced? And how you - the other you - is the most brilliant mind he's ever known? It's just like I said. Remember that? You said nothing was happening, but he's totally in love with you."

"It isn't like that."

"Tell that to him, then."

(Etienne never listens.)

"Even if there's something going on - it - it isn't with me and him, it's--"

"The other one. I know. The other one who threatened to kill me."

"He was just testing you."

"And that makes it better?"

"He's lashing out because you tried to destroy him."

"He started it. You said the ritual would fix you," Etienne rasps out a whisper. "I can't believe this. I can't believe we did all that and... I'm dragging someone wearing the body of my husband out of a seedy tavern. I looked like such a fool. I thought we fixed this."

"Maybe," you feel your voice dropping to a growl, "I never needed to be fixed."

You want to see the other side What's going on behind the eyes

(Last winter, you came out of a fog to Etienne staring at you, withdrawn into a calmly blank expression, their posture stiff.

"Why," they ask you, "Did you just threaten to murder me?"

You said, groggily, "What?"

And you explained it all. The splitting.

"How am I supposed to feel safe around you when there's - there's something inside you that wants to kill me?" Etienne asks, too steadily. "He knows everything about me that I've told you. He knows what I'm afraid of. This is a problem." They say, and they speak your name urgently.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, if - if he did."

"Oh, I wasn't scared," Etienne says, quietly and intensely. "I'm used to being around men who'd just as soon slit my throat as fuck me. Or one and then the other, with no particular preference of the order. I just didn't realize you were one of them.")

Still it seems if you can't trust You can't be trusted

Here is one of the fights you've had more than once: your friend thought of a way to get rid of the other personality. Put him into another body.

"So we'd just take the body of someone who - what? Even if you found a willing subject, that would be killing someone." Etienne pulls their knees up to their chest, the water rippling. You're sitting at the edge of the bath. They seem to want to melt into the steam wafting off the surface. It makes them dewy. You're not sure if they're crying or not.

"No," you tell them, "We could put him into another body where the spirit had already returned to the Lifestream."

"That's necromancy. I won't do necromancy."

"We may have no other option."

"If you mess with corpses, you really won't have control over what ends up in there. You could be inviting something very, very bad in. You know that, don't you? What you're talking about is defiling the dead. It's a sin. It's a defiance of Nald'Thal's balance. It's a perversion of everything I believe. You know that. You shouldn't do it. Don't ask me to do it!"

"What if we have no other choice?"

Etienne stands up in the water, then, thinking to get out. They shout, "I can't do it! Don't ask me!" Their voice echoes and buzzes in the small space of the bath. The water ripples as they sink back down into it. They let the water bury them like a comfort blanket. "I'm - I'm sorry. Please just go away," they say in a tiny voice. "Let me think."

"I'll be outside."

Didn't you know we're as close as we can be?

In the end, what else could you do? Etienne didn't trust you to handle the situation. Etienne wouldn't participate in the most obviously effective ritual. Etienne was angry at you when the first attempt didn't work as planned. Etienne was an unstable, suicidal, dangerously alcoholic. It hadn't taken much time at all after the hospitalization for them to fall back on old ways.

They couldn't be trusted.

On the day you left to do it, you kissed their forehead, tucked the blankets all around them, and put strong wards on the doors after emptying another round of hidden bottles.

The sun's coming up She's pulled all the blankets over Curled in a ball Like she's hiding from me and That's when I know

Their voice comes over the linkpearl. There's a danger to it. "Why are there wards on the door, what are these?"

"It's the only way to keep you from drinking when I can't be there," you explain calmly.

Etienne sucks in a breath, and you brace for yelling. "You can't just lock me in here," they whisper. "I'm a person. I'm an adult. You have to let me out."

"I have somewhere to be for a few suns. You've food in there. You'll be alright. Sober up."

"Can't you call someone to come check on me? Rosa, or someone? Please, I can't - don't leave me here alone."

"I'm sorry, it was my only option. This can't wait."

She's gonna be pissed when she wakes up For terrible things I did to her in her dreams

The apartment is in poor shape when you return. It seems at several points Etienne attempted to magic the doorway and scorched the rug - or the levin sparked and started a fire - and they also attempted sheer brute force. One of the charming little kitchen chairs is splintered. But the Etienne you find is more like the Etienne you married. Ducking their head shyly, saying, "I'm really sorry... I'm sorry I relapsed, I'm weak."

"I'm sorry I had to do that," you say. The two of you hug desperately.

(You're sorry you had to do all of it.)

You want to see the other side What's going on behind the eyes

(You're sorry the first ritual failed. The softness and patience Etienne showed you then, when you were recovering, when you didn't remember them - they were just as sweet as they'd been when you first got married. When you first started dating. Before everything got so bad.)

Still it seems if you can't trust You can't be trusted

The night Etienne tried to kill themselves, you had a fight. It was about all those nights you went out, not telling them where you were going. "I can't keep doing this," Etienne said to you, staring up at the statue of Nald'thal in the Ossuary. "I can't." They speak your name with such quiet urgency. "I need time to think."

"Please," you beg, your eyes stinging. "Don't leave me." You grab their arm. They try to jerk away from the touch.

Their voice echoes loud in the Ossuary. "Don't bloody touch me when I’m upset! Please!"

You hold onto their arm harder. Their arm is so thin. They're slipping away from you. "Please don't leave, please don't be angry. Please...!"

"I'm not -- I'm not -- I just..."

You're sobbing.

"I'm sorry, darling," Etienne says, gently touching your face, your hair, "Let's go home."

You have a long conversation-argument at the apartment. You explain why the work is essential. They beg you to promise not to do things that put you in danger. You tell them you'll do your best. You don't like doing things that upset them, after all.

"I don't know what's wrong with me,” Etienne murmurs. “I feel hounded, I can't sleep. You're always so busy. Since the ritual and... since that... incident with Henri..."

"Are you guilty? Because of what happened?"

"I honestly just want to be alone," Etienne says. They are sitting at the desk about a yalm from you, but they're malms away. "So much has happened the last few moons. I need to figure it out."

"Do you mean traveling? I can't right now, with work -- and I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be on your own. I don't think you're alright on your own right now."

"True," Etienne says, lowering their head. They shuffle around in the desk, and your feel your face heat. Another bottle? Etienne whispers something, "You won't let me go," mayhap, and then. The letter opener.

Thank the Twelve you're a healer. Thank the Twelve you had the sedative. They beg you for it that night, after you stop the bleeding. They can’t sleep and they’re half mad, crying and ranting. And you take them to your co-worker Rosa in the morning. She takes Etienne away from you. Says they need to rest and recover under direct supervision. Etienne doesn't even want to see you at first, or perhaps it's that Rosa won't let you near them. She's the one who stipulated only short visits while Etienne recovers. She only lets you back after Etienne sleeps for two suns straight.

Didn't you know we're as close as we can be?

You remember the day you fell in love with Etienne. You both were sitting at the Quicksand. You had tea, they had orange juice, and another man sat down between you two at the table and made himself welcome. He asked you why you stuttered.

"While on the subject of questions, why are you so bloody rude?" Etienne asked. They said to you, "You don't have to answer that." And you smiled, feeling sunshine radiating out of every pore.

"I'm not the sort of man for relationships," Etienne said, later, as you walked down the streets of Ul'dah, over to the steps of the Ossuary. You offered to escort them to work, as though they needed it. "I've been through a lot. I don't even know if I can love anyone - it all seems like kind of a fool's errand, honestly. Men are... I've just met so many, many awful men."

You took their hand, and they look at you, surprised. "I can be patient," you promised them, "I can wait. I think you're worth it. I think you're worth trying for. I've never met anyone like you."

"Well, thank you, I suppose," Etienne says, their lips twisting as they hold back skeptical laughter. "Let’s promise one another, though - let’s be honest with one another about how this going. If someone else catches your fancy, or I do something you don't like, please just tell me. You wouldn't believe how many times I got hauled out of a nobleman's bed by a surprised wife. As if it's my fault their marriage is falling apart! I don't want anything like that, alright? No silly secrets!”

"Promise."

“Not that I imagine we'll get married. I'm really not the type." Etienne laughs at the sky. “What am I doing?!”

Hello.

[etirabys]

This post is my attempt to simplify what I learned from Who We Are And How We Got Here into a timeline I have a shot of remembering for years, with some padding from Wikipedia where I thought it would help me.

---

As a backdrop to the specifics that follow: humans and human cousins have been sort of ambling out of Africa and back in waves of migration and interbreeding and extinction, for the past two million years.

Around 650K years ago, humans split from the group that will further split 200K years later into Neanderthals and Denisovans. These are the two 'archaic human' populations that contributed some genetic material to modern humans, whose DNA we got our hands on. This is also maybe the divergence point of humans and another archaic population in Africa that later mixed back into humans, that we don’t have DNA evidence for.

200K years ago, zoom in on the ambling in and out of Africa, because now some of the ambling groups are what we’d call anatomically modern humans – that is, their phenotypes fit within existing human populations. At this point, the split between the San population (the most different-from-everyone-else population alive today, whose descendants currently live in South Africa) and the rest of living humanity begins.

50K years ago, a period of great interest. We see behavioral modernity starting hereish, at the beginning of a period (lasting ~40K years) we call the Upper Paleolithic. The rate of stone toolmaking innovation speeds up from ‘glacial’ to ‘every few thousand years’. (If that seem like an odd setting change, I agree.) We see the first known jewelry and representational art. Likely we’ll never have a satisfactory explanation of what exactly changed. We almost certainly had language by this point.

Human colonization of Australia and New Guinea happens, while ocean levels are low. This is part of a radiation of a hunter-gatherer lineage spreading out all over Asia. Some of them will eventually go to Siberia and the Americas. Some of them will become the Yangtze River population and some the Yellow River population, who will later mix to produce the majority of mainland East Asians.

40K years ago. After several thousands of years of contact with modern humans, Neanderthals and some other branches more closely related to modern humans go extinct. There’s an Italian supervolcano eruption nowabouts whose climate disruptions in Europe may have intensified competition.

One thing this book has taught me is that it’s misleading to talk about ‘population splits’ outside of the Americas, because lineages diverged and met again many times, but insofar as it’s meaningful to talk about when the European and East Asian lineages diverged, it’s now.

30K years ago. The archaic humans in Africa mix back with humans and contribute 2% of ancestry to some modern African populations.

Around this time, there exists a population called Ancient North Eurasians. Some of them go east, and contribute to the population that will give rise to Native Americans (who are ~1/3 Ancient North Eurasian, ~2/3 ancestors-of-East-Asians). Some of the rest will remain and contribute ancestry to various Eurasian hunter gatherers, as well half the ancestry of the Yamnaya people of the Eurasian steppe, who will later invent horse-and-wagon way of life and become massively successful in Europe.

15K years ago, there are two migrations to America over the Bering land bridge: (1) The First Americans (the Ancient North Eurasian - East Asian group) account for the majority of Native American ancestry. These newcomers quickly zoom through the Americas. They also may have had a startlingly small effective population size – like 250. (2) A mysterious population that contributes some ancestry to a handful of groups in the Amazon, a population whose closest known descendants today are, intriguingly, Australasian. We don’t know much about them.

10K years ago, agriculture arises in the Middle East. Some Anatolian farmers spread out into Europe. Some Iranian farmers spread out to India. A thousand years later, agriculture also begins in China, in the Yangtze River and Yellow River populations.

5K years ago. The horse-and-wagon Yamnaya sweep from the eastern European steppe into northern Europe and largely replace the population there, and account for 25~45% of current European ancestry. The Yamnaya culture is the strongest candidate for the source of the Proto-Indo-European language (which has an elaborate shared vocabulary for wagon-parts). A large part of their success may have been that they were relatively immune to diseases that the rest of Europe was not – they brought plague with them, heretofore unknown to Europe. With the Yamnaya, the Bronze Age; we have evidence of much more social inequality than ever seen before, evident both from archeology and genetics, which tell us that the highest-reproducing individual men starting now are more reproductively successful than ever before.

Around the same time, there’s another wave of migration from Asia to North America – the Paleo-Eskimo lineage – that leaves a ~30% imprint in some parts of North America. The Paleo-Eskimos will be displaced 4K years later by a final wave from Asia, the Neo-Eskimos, who are the ancestors of modern day Inuits.

The Yangtze and Yellow River populations are also spreading out nowish. Their collision produces much of modern East Asians. The Yellow River people are associated with the Han, and the Tibetans. The Yangtze population, where they spread south, provides much of modern Southeast Asian ancestry.

4K years ago, the Indus Valley civilization is hit by a wave of migration for Europeish, by a steppe people who bring Proto-Indo-European culture and language. These steppe people are about half Yamnaya-related, and half ‘the Iranian farmer related populations the steppe people encountered on their way south’. The natives are about three quarters local hunter-gatherers, and one quarter Iranian farmers who mingled in ~2K years earlier. The natives and Yamnaya-ish migrants mix over the next 2K years to form a modern Indian population that’s a mixture of the two, ranging from 80% Yamnaya-ish (especially in the north, and in higher-caste groups) to 20%.

Around now, the first of four great migrations and mixing events of Africa starts – most significant among them is the Bantu migration south, out of Nigeria and into west-central Africa. Most of the present-day population structure of Africa is shaped by these relatively recent expansions, making it hard to tease out ancient splits.

[amnewsfeed]

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[mnovenia]

LIVING IN Another FOREIGN LAND

Haiya! In 5 days, it’ll remark one month of me living in ‘another’ foreign land. Why does it feel like forever? 

Apparently, as much as its easier to adjust here (since I already lived in Gron), it still have some new challenges. I don’t know any other Indonesians accept Fysa, not living in an ‘Indonesian’ home, noone in the church is Indonesian and some other things.

I promise myself I will make the most of my time here in the UK, but so far I don’t think I have made a lot of progress. Idk how did measure, but it just feels the way it is. But one thing I’m sure of, God is up to something by placing me here.

Imagine that I only have 3 days of schools (2.5 to be exact), so I’m totally not busy compared to my Indo life (so obvious) and even my life in the Netherlands. But, there are so so so many extra activities I can choose (sport, photography, and a lot lot lot of spiritual activities). I was so frustrated at first to not be able to work/do some volunteer job (even I don’t anyone to pay me)/join a competition, and whatsoever that involve making money/putting some activity lists on your CV. I was like: why in the world did I born with Indo passport? I can’t even enter Ireland. I basically have not so much to do in terms of growing my potential job in the future. 

In the midst of trial (read: sepeda rusak, dingin sepedaan, unfulfilling school & relationship with other human being), I coba-coba pake dating apps, perhaps it’s a good idea, perhaps God wants me to try harder, UHUH (you think?). It is never a good idea for me personally to do smtg like that, I always feel guilty after I use/subscribe/post/chat or whatever I do with whoever I met through the apps. Ky gak etis aja geto masa ya ketemu nya begitu, like gak tipe gw banget lah.. 

Tapi dipikir-pikir, daripada sepi amat, coba aja deh.. lagian cape ky gini terus, jadi org Indo miris amat di mari, mungkin Tuhan mau gw gausa holy2 amat, sedeng2 aja lah cukup.. David-Victoria Becham aja sah2aja, bisa2 aja menjaga hubungan (YAKALEE MAS/MBA2 sekalian gw samakan case wa sm mreka2 ntu), yang penting cita-cita nikah dan settle tinggal di luar negeri tercapai, aka jalan pintas utk mendapat kewarganegaraan.. Sampe berhub sama 1 orang, kirain doi sayang Tuhan karena sekolah teologi.. abis WA an gw hapus lah tuh sgala apps2, gw pikir uda dapet 1 yawda ah, cukup.. mulut manis bner juga ni orang, hobi yaa lumayan sama, tipe2 anak ansos.. I quite enjoy it for sometimes, walaupun tau kynya dia gak love the bible but just like to learn/curious.. and ended up dia kasih bible verse tentang Songs yang MENJIJAYKAN ABIEESHHH menurut gw.. bikin fiuh2 sampe cengo and gak percaya, like mo gila sambil muntah.. Dia juga selalu avoid hard questions, which menurut gw harusnya di encounter sebagai laki-laki beneran yang at the end of the day memang harus berhub dgn kesusahan2 itu.. trus he’s so local, ga mau keluar negeri buat exchange, gak suka football (sulit nih kan)..

Sbenernya kadang seneng juga ky ada temen ngobrol, I got a lot of compliments, dan ky ada harapan untuk nanti pas balik ke Gron. Tapi at the same time, not being able to share my faith and talk about God with someone is torturing me, makes me even feel lonelier karna the rest of the convo is just superficial aja, not based on the truth.. so banyak negatifnya kalo I pikir-pikir.. 

Pokoknya abis kejadian WEDEZIGGG itu (najis tralala mas lu gilak kali ngom itu gw, ketemu aja belom, rasa pgen gw injek2 tu manusia) gw langsung confront kenapa dia harus kasih verse itu, and gw bilang its so EWW to me, tapi ya biasa laki-laki, NGELESS!! Pokoke alhasil gw kapok and bilang jujur that I have no peace to talk to you again (until you truly love Jesus and doing His mission in your life), and I don’t wanna waste time but make the most of my time here. THANK YOU GOD FOR NOT INVOLVING ME TOO LONG IN THIS TORTURING ‘relationship’ and making me brave to speak the truth.. 

Abis kejadian itu gw langsung KHILAF, gw tau following Jesus is a big deal and gak main-main.. sampe kapan pun He will never stop pursuing me and He will prevent me to less honoring Him. So I get out, I come again to iCafe, explore course, join a trip with new friends, and it’s incredible to feel that God provides me all these platforms for my faith to grow.. On Sunday I tried to come to a new church, but somehow I didn’t feel like God call me to be there. After 5mins, I cepet2 kabur and cycle straight back to HT (I found it quite difficult to blend in with the people there sometimes, idk where to start) and it feels right again.. 

Liat young pastors who love the love so much and very devoted, paling gabisa deh wa.. lemah... pgn nangess.. plus denger cerita Michelle about ‘the guy’ who loves the Lord so much and working so hard with the youth and very missional, and stil available, it’s driving me crazy (in a positive way).. 

Maybe all I have to do now is trying to commit with one church and community without expecting anything back from the people, but just to be there to Serve Him and His people, bring someone to come to know Christ, contribute to testify what I experienced with Jesus in explore course and with that I’ll be secured that I’m not wasting my time here in the UK, but I know that He’s pleased because I’m certain that I am God’s beloved forever, no matter what people think of me, no matter what achievement I have made, no matter how I look like I’ve done nothing in front of people’s eye, no matter gw kliatan kek manusia dari mainland cina -__- HAHA.. nerima aja the fact that I gabisa kerja and can’t do much to secure my future in EU, but trust in God like seriously put trust because He has all things figured out, those that my eyes can’t see now..

Bible verse from Gal 1-2 (take away):

Does your life reflect your gratitude for being rescued by Jesus’ blood? Have you transfered your loyalty from this world to Jesus?

A twisting truth is more difficult to spot than an outright lie. Some people claim to follow Him, but they deny that Jesus’ work on the cross was sufficient. 

There will always be people who pervert the Good News, either they dont understand or they’re uncomfortable with the truth as it stands. If the teaching does not match the truth in God’s words then it’s not true, for the truth of the gospel never changes.

Whose approval are you seeking? Pray for the courage to seek God’s approval above anyone else. 

When Paul met Jesus, his life changed forever. God knows you intimately, He chose you to be His even before you were born (psalm 139).

Our new life might not be dramatic, but still our new lives should honor God in every way. When people look at you, do they recognize that God has made changes in you? If not, perhaps you are not living as you should. 

While we wait for God’s timing, we should continue to study, learn and grow. 

SEKIAN, WASALAM dan THANK YOU JESUS, I LOVE YOU!

[etirabys]

the state of indian genetic diversity

The jati system, which few people outside India understand, is much more complicated, and involves a minimum of forty-six hundred and by some accounts around forty thousand endogamous groups. Each is assigned a particular rank in the varna system, but strong and complicated endogamy rules prevent people from most different jatis from mixing with each other, even if they are of the same varna level. ...

Around a third of Indian groups experienced population bottlenecks as strong or stronger than the ones that occurred among Finns or Ashkenazi Jews. ... Many of the population bottlenecks in India were also exceedingly old. One of the most striking we discovered was in the Vysya of the southern Indian state of Andhra Pradesh, a middle caste group of approximately five million people whose population bottleneck we could date (from the size of segments shared between individuals of the same population) to between three thousand and two thousand years ago. The observation of such a strong population bottleneck among the ancestors of the Vysya was shocking. It meant that after the population bottleneck, the ancestors of the Vysya had maintained strict endogamy, allowing essentially no genetic mixing into their group for thousands of years. Even an average rate of influx into the Vysya of as little as 1 percent per generation would have erased the genetic signal of a population bottleneck. The ancestors of the Vysya did not live in geographic isolation. Instead, they lived cheek by jowl with other groups in a densely populated part of India.

And the Vysya were not unique. A third of the groups we analyzed gave similar signals, implying thousands of groups in India like this. Indeed, it is even possible that we were underestimating the fraction of groups in India affected by strong long-term endogamy. To show a signal, a group needed to have gone through a population bottleneck. Groups that descended from a larger number of founders but nevertheless maintained strict endogamy ever since would go undetected by our statistics.

People tend to think of India, with its more than 1.3 billion people, as having a tremendously large population, and indeed many Indians as well as foreigners see it this way. But genetically, this is an incorrect way to view the situation. The Han Chinese are truly a large population. They have been mixing freely for thousands of years. In contrast, there are few if any Indian groups that are demographically very large, and the degree of genetic differentiation among Indian jati groups living side by side in the same village is typically two to three times higher than the genetic differentiation between northern and southern Europeans. The truth is that India is composed of a large number of small populations.

[etirabys]

Here’s the most exciting thing I’ve learned this month: the concrete information theoretic limit to how far back you can learn about ancestral human populations using the DNA of modern humans!

I’m confused by the explanation of ‘splices’ and cannot appreciate this fully, but what I’m getting is still very cool!

Females create an average of about forty-five new splices when producing eggs, while males create about twenty-six splices when producing sperm, for a total of about seventy-one new splices per generation. ...

Any person’s genome is derived from 47 stretches of DNA corresponding to the chromosomes transmitted by mother and father plus mitochondrial DNA. One generation back, a person’s genome is derived from about 118 (47 plus 71) stretches of DNA transmitted by his or her parents. Two generations back, the number of ancestral stretches of DNA grows to around 189 (47 plus 71 plus another 71) transmitted by four grandparents. Look even further back in time, and the additional increase in ancestral stretches of DNA every generation is rapidly overtaken by the doubling of ancestors. Ten generations back, for example, the number of ancestral stretches of DNA is around 757 but the number of ancestors is 1,024, guaranteeing that each person has several hundred ancestors from whom he or she has received no DNA whatsoever. Twenty generations in the past, the number of ancestors is almost a thousand times greater than the number of ancestral stretches of DNA in a person’s genome, so it is a certainty that each person has not inherited any DNA from the great majority of his or her actual ancestors.

These calculations mean that a person’s genealogy, as reconstructed from historical records, is not the same as his or her genetic inheritance. The Bible and the chronicles of royal families record who begat whom over dozens of generations. Yet even if the genealogies are accurate, Queen Elizabeth II of England almost certainly inherited no DNA from William of Normandy, who conquered England in 1066 and who is believed to be her ancestor twenty-four generations back in time. This does not mean that Queen Elizabeth II did not inherit DNA from ancestors that far back, just that it is expected that only about 1,751 of her 16,777,216 twenty-fourth-degree genealogical ancestors contributed any DNA to her.

Figure 4. The number of ancestors you have doubles every generation back in time. However, the number of stretches of DNA that contributed to you increases by only around seventy-one per generation. This means that if you go back eight or more generations, it is almost certain that you will have some ancestors whose DNA did not get passed down to you. Go back fifteen generations and the probability that any one ancestor contributed directly to your DNA becomes exceedingly small.

Going back deeper in time, a person’s genome gets scattered into more and more ancestral stretches of DNA spread over ever-larger numbers of ancestors. Tracing back fifty thousand years in the past, our genome is scattered into more than one hundred thousand ancestral stretches of DNA, greater than the number of people who lived in any population at that time, so we inherit DNA from nearly everyone in our ancestral population who had a substantial number of offspring at times that remote in the past. 

There is a limit, though, to the information that comparison of genome sequences provides about deep time. At each place in the genome, if we trace back our lineages far enough into the past, we reach a point where everyone descends from the same ancestor, beyond which it becomes impossible to obtain any information about deeper time from comparison of the DNA sequences of people living today. From this perspective, the common ancestor at each point in the genome is like a black hole in astrophysics, from which no information about deeper time can escape. For mitochondrial DNA this black hole occurs around 160,000 years ago, the date of “Mitochondrial Eve.” For the great majority of the rest of the genome the black hole occurs between five million and one million years ago, and thus the rest of the genome can provide information about far deeper time than is accessible through analysis of mitochondrial DNA. Beyond this, everything goes dark. 

[etirabys]

When they applied the method to study the separation time of common chimpanzees and their distant cousins, bonobos, they found evidence that the separation was very sudden, consistent with the hypothesis that the species were separated by a huge river (the Congo) that formed rather suddenly one to two million years ago. In contrast, when they applied the method to study humans and chimpanzees, they found evidence for an extended period of genetic interchange after population differentiation began, as expected for hybridization.

sometimes a river cuts a species population in two and one of them grows up extra horny