#even all the dreams i've had in my sleep have shown me that i've never been happy alone

[unhonestlymirror]

I am horrified by how often I see people writing, "Well, we shouldn't take Holocaust into account when talking about Israel-Palestine war." Of course we SHOULD, and that's why:

"October 7 is getting rewritten and certain social media users are an active of the campaign to erase the atrocities.

I was barely awake on October 7th when news of the atrocities that were committed by Hamas began to trinkle in, horror by horror. With sleep still in my eyes, I had hoped it was a nightmare I could erase by burying my face in pillows and returning to slumber, but alas, reality was insistent. Hamas had butchered over 1,200 people, amongst them infants, pregnant women, the handicapped, and the elderly. Even dogs were not spared.

But Hamas didn’t just murder them in cold blood, they had tortured, raped, desecrated their bodies, and took hostages. Their depravity was limitless. And they were so proud of their crimes that they used GoPro cameras to record them, later releasing the sickening spectacles to the public as a form of psychological terror. Add to that the live streams, cell phone recordings, and CCTV camera footage, and you’ll probably have the most documented massacre in history—with a reported 60,000 video clips collected.

I’ve seen some of these videos, including those not circulating quite so widely in public. They will haunt me for the rest of my life—and that falls far short than the 47 minute “film” shown to select journalists and diplomats worldwide, a number of whom broke down and/or fell ill during the screening.

But as shocking as all of this deranged butchery was — which was entirely the intention — what stunned me in the aftermath is the world’s reaction.

Putting aside disputes of land and politics, it was jarring to hear such a blatant reframing of narrative. It started with calling Hamas the “resistance” and justifying the unjustifiable. A number of BLM chapters had put out “heroic” images of Hamas terrorists descending on parachutes. I half-expected them to release action figures of Hamas fighters too. Maybe they did?

And then came the "BUTs." Sure, some folks condemned Hamas, but it was always followed by a "BUT," justifying the unjustifiable. I've been asked, ad nauseam, "What would you do in their situation?" Well, my response remains steadfast: not commit random acts of murder, torture, and kidnapping. Call me old-fashioned. (For the record I’ve called many colorful words for my stance, but oddly that was never one of them).

It was a wake-up call for many, especially those of us in the global Jewish community. Overnight, the illusion of safety shattered, much like the dreams of anyone who's binge-watched a horror series alone at night. But now we were all collectively trapped in that nightmare, and couldn’t wake up no matter how hard with pitched.

The history of the Holocaust is taught in many schools around the world. “Never forget” and “never again” are sentiments that are echoed within that curriculum. Yet, while some might scoff at the persistent advocacy for Holocaust education, insisting that it’s hitting them over the head, a nationwide survey in 2020 reveals that the under-40 crowd seems to have missed the memo. Shockingly, one in ten respondents haven’t even heard of the word “Holocaust,” let alone being aware that as many as 6 million Jews perished in it.

Further, nearly a quarter of those questioned said they believed the Holocaust was a myth, had been exaggerated or that they weren’t sure. Meanwhile in Canada, one in five young people (under 34) either hasn't heard of the Holocaust or isn't sure what it is. And in Britain, one in twenty adults flat-out deny that it ever took place. Ah, the privilege of blissful ignorance.

Most who underestimate the number of Jews killed in Holocaust have neutral or warm feelings toward Jews.

But it's not just ignorance; there's an entire industry that has been propped up and dedicated to Holocaust denial, complete with books, “movies,” and groups. To make matters worse, alarmingly, fewer Holocaust survivors are around to share their firsthand accounts and counteract the flames of denialism.

Nearly half of the 1000 people surveyed had stated that they’ve seen Holocaust denial or distortion posts on social media or elsewhere online.

I’ve always thought that denials of genocide—such as the Holocaust —were something that happened over time, with history slipping away and being re-written.

However, I never expected to be observing this in real time.

While initially the so-called “resistance” was celebrated by a subset of society, this soon turned into full-fledged denials of Hamas’ actions on Oct 7. Despite overwhelming evidence in the form of videos captured and shared by Hamas themselves and shared on Telegram channels and elsewhere, I would read and hear people claiming that they had only targeted Israeli military. Absurd claims emerged using supposedly ‘leaked’ footage where an Israeli helicopter shoots at Nova music festival goers. That video was viewed over 30 million times on X alone. The video, which was actually originally shared by the IDF on Oct 9, was showing their attacks on specific Gazan targets—certainly NOT indiscriminate bombings of music festival attendees in Israel. (Here’s a great thread that details how this piece of disinformation spread and geolocation information that further confirms that the claim is fake).

I’ve heard countless denials of the rapes of women (and men), despite overwhelming evidence in the form of physical evidence, forensics, and a number of witness testimonies. Women’s rights groups, meanwhile, remained silent—thus offering a vacuum for denialists to fill. Proponents of “me too” also stayed silent. Worse, the University of Alberta Sexual Assault Centre’s director signed an open letter calling Hamas perpetrating “sexual violence” an “unverified accusation.” It took UN Women nearly two months to issue a lukewarm condemnation of the brutal attacks. “We are alarmed by the numerous accounts of gender-based atrocities and sexual violence during those attacks,” they wrote, following a letter writing campaign urging them to speak up. Better late than never though, right?

The roughly 40 dead babies claim was debunked as a lie. At least that’s what people on social media now declare as fact, citing a Haaretz investigation.

“Haaretz investigation EXPOSES all the ISRAELI LIES from October 7th just like I predicated (sic),” reads the post of one particularly large disinformation account.

These claims persisted despite Haaretz directly addressing that post and calling it “blatant lies” and insisting that it “absolutely no basis in Haaretz’s reporting.”

The denials continued regardless of the fact that a group of 200 forensic pathologists from all over the world had confirmed that babies were indeed murdered and that some babies were found decapitated, though it was unclear whether this was done before or after death. First responders also corroborated that they witnessed beheaded infants. Regardless of decapitation, these were babies, murdered.

The forensic pathologists also confirmed that humans were executed, bound and burned alive. Israeli police have over 1,000 statements related to the attack.

When some of the hostages were released, Hamas supporters claimed that the hostages enjoyed being held by them, that they hardly wanted to leave. That this was like a pleasant vacation for them, that’s all. Like sipping piña coladas by the beach. In fact, they would state that they were more concerned about their safety in Israeli hands. They even concocted stories of love affairs between a hostage who was shot in the leg and a Hamas captor. A sick and twisted take on reality where up is down, cats are dogs, and denial is truth. They dismissed the reality that many of these hostages watched their loved ones get murdered in front of them, and still had relatives being held in captivity. The hostages were also administered Clonazepam by Hamas, a mood-enhancing tranquilizing drug, before handing them over to the Red Cross, so that they would appear “happy.”

Meanwhile, the Yale Daily News published a correction of an opinion column stating that the “allegations had not been substantiated.”

The denials go on and on, and I can’t help but feel like I’m watching a version of Holocaust denial, except this time it’s happening in real time—not years after the fact. And this time, it has a Wi-Fi connection and a social media account.

The conditions for this were ripe. Moral relativism is why just several weeks ago, Gen Z embraced Bin Laden's 'Letter to America.' It has been building up for years across college campuses, a breeding ground for ideologies that support violent means to achieve political gains.

The perceived power dynamics play a role here too. In the eyes of many, the Israelis are seen as a superpower whereas the Palestinians, and by extension Hamas, are seen as underdogs. In their view, the underdog is always right because it is the victim, and the “power” is the oppressor. So how can the oppressor be a victim?

Israelis, despite the majority of the population being Mizrahi Jews, as well as 20% Arabs (who were also victims on Oct 7), have been framed as “white colonizers,” vs the Palestinians who are seen as “POC” in the context of this conflict. Never mind that Jews, including Ashkenazi Jews, can be traced back to the land through DNA, archaeological evidence, and historical documents.

An overall distrust for media is another factor, which has resulted in individuals taking the word of random influencer accounts as gospel over traditional media outlets. According to Gallup polls, Americans’ trust in media is near a record low. Only 34% of US adults have a “great deal” or “fair amount” of confidence as of 2022. This is a major hindrance to our sensemaking abilities.

And then, of course, there’s cognitive dissonance. When a group identifies so closely with the perpetrator and they commit heinous acts, confronting that fact happens to be uncomfortable. So, in an attempt to reduce that discomfort, they rationalize or deny the evidence. This means that they accept only evidence that supports their existing beliefs, while placing unreasonable demands on the other side.

But none of these factors would have gained as much traction if it weren’t for something that didn’t exist during the Holocaust: social media. This is the engine that helps drives this real-time historical revisionism and denialism. According to 2021 data from Pew Research, over 70% of Americans get their news via social platforms. A Reuters Institute report from 2023 found that 30% of respondents use social media as the main way to get their news.

We have a society that consumes sound-bites of information, both truth and lies (as well as lies based on grains of truth).

Social media algorithms—combined with human nature—tend to amplify outrageous untruths, which spread widely. Corrections, never make it as far as the original lie. They are just a faint hum.

Throughout the Israeli-Gaza war, we’ve seen AI generated images and bots used to paint a specific narrative—for evocative, emotional effect. But technologically sophisticatication isn’t a prerequisite for painting false narratives. Many “influencers” have taken to using existing images or videos and attaching misleading headlines to them—including sharing content that captures events in Syria while presenting it as taking place in Gaza. These networks of influencers have large reach, and can turn even the most blatant lie into a revisionist truth.

Researchers for Freedom House, a non-profit human right advocacy group, found that generally at least 47 governments have used commentators to manipulate online discussions in their favor, either via humans or bots. They’ve also recruited influencers to help spread false and misleading content, and have created fake websites that mimic actual media publications. Then there’s always Russia’s propaganda arm RT, and various other publications like Al Jazeera and Quds who have direct ties to Hamas and/or other Islamic regimes.

All of this has contributed to narrative confusion, and the erasure of unspeakable acts of brutality, and the denial of the facts of October 7, right before our very eyes.

If we cannot even share a common reality, how can have any hope of resolving anything?

“Never again” is happening now."

[rickssugarplum]

The Rick is Over

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 7x05! Watch it first before reading this! Thanks and enjoy! ❤

(Rick Sanchez x Reader) Spoilers for 7x05, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

You help Rick process it all.

With the pull of the lever, all the lights in the sub-basement go out, finalizing the end of the decades-long show that's been ongoing most of his life.

It's all finally over.

Rick Prime is dead.

Still coated head to toe in blood, Rick stands in the darkness in the now useless lair, where he'd spent countless days and nights searching, tracking, and looking for any signs of his lifelong enemy. The one who caused him all his pain, destroyed all of his dreams he had when he was young. All he ever wanted, was to live as a husband and father to the two most precious girls in his life.

That life had been ripped away from him so many years ago.

Now, he has killed the man who was responsible. His ultimate goal had been achieved.

So, why does he still feel so empty?

He didn't say a word while flying back home. The voice of his grandson right beside him felt like miles away. It was as if his entire world had gone mute. He could not just go to sleep in his room. Not tonight.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

You were in your living room, reading a book in complete silence, until it was broken by the familiar whirling sound of the portal. You were clearly expecting Rick to emerge from it, but you nearly screamed when you saw him soaked in crimson blood.

"Oh my God! Rick?!!" you shrieked as you stepped towards him. He stood there, emotionless.

"Rick! What the fuck happened!? You look like you came through a slaughter!"

The old man just looked at you; still silent. It caused even more panic in your veins.

"Rick, please. You're scaring me! What is going on!? Say something!" you begged. He was never one to be quiet, even more alarming when he's drenched in blood. Did an adventure go awry or...

"W-where's Morty!? Is he okay?" You asked in fear that something might have happened to him. Your heart rate slightly lowered when he nodded, assuring his grandson was alright.

Looking more closely at him, you saw more damage inflicted on his face. "Jesus Christ, Rick. Your nose is broken!"

Rick finally spoke in a hoarse but defiant voice. "I got him."

His bloodshot eyes stared directly into yours. You saw the anger he's shown in them only when he's described his past, his stolen life; his darkest demons.

Immediately, you knew who he was talking about.

"You-you got...him?" You couldn't speak the name, despite sharing it with the man in front of you. Rick simply nodded again. Not knowing what exactly happened, the blood covering him made one thing clear.

Rick had finally killed his enemy.

Slowly, you took his hands, searching in his eyes for any ounce of how he was feeling, knowing he had avenged his wife and daughter.

"Are-are you okay?"

Morty had asked him that exact same question after it was all said and done. He said that he was. But now seeing the concern in your face and repeating his grandson's words just mere hours before caused the final crack in the dam.

Suddenly you felt two long arms around you, grasping your frame tightly, and Rick let out the loudest, broken wail you'd ever hear. His anguish was bigger than his body, causing him to collapse, dragging you both to your floor. You simply held him as he cried into you, letting out decades of repressed grief and trauma that'd haunted him.

"Shhhh... It's okay, Rick..." you murmured, placing his head on your chest and stroking his slightly damp hair. "It's over..." you whispered. "I'm here... I've got you..."

The man was trembling like a newborn fawn. He looked so fragile. You couldn't possibly know exactly what was going through his tormented mind as he screamed into your chest. His cries sounded so animalistic, it almost scared you. But your heart was breaking hearing him suffer inside. He had cried for the life he lost, his wife he had promised forever to, and his little girl, whom he swore to protect. All Rick wanted was to have his beloved Diane by his side and to see his baby Beth grow up. He wanted them to grow old together. All of his plans. His dreams. Their future, will never come.

Tears welled up in your own eyes, but you stayed and gently rocked him, whispering words of comfort.

"It's alright, baby," you said softly.

Baby. Diane used to call him that. He let out another sob at that memory. Leaning down, you press soft kisses on his forehead.

"I'm so proud of you, Rick..." you confessed. It was the truth. You wanted him to know that. How lucky you were to have the most passionate Rick throughout infinity. He squeezed you a bit tighter at your affirmation.

Time didn't matter to either of you. You could hold him forever if he needed it. That would be how long it would take to heal this broken heart.

After awhile, his sobs started to fade into soft weeping.

"Rick? Can you look at me?" You asked softly. There was no command in your voice. It was mainly to make sure he knew his surroundings. Slowly, he lifts his head up to look at you. The blood of his enemy was slightly rinsed underneath his eyes from tears. You cupped his face in your hands so tenderly, giving him a faint smile.

"You did it."

Rick's expression had become nearly blank. After all the crying, he almost felt numb. "What do you need right now?" you asked him, stroking his cheek.

He wrapped his arms around you again. This time, not in desperation, but in comfort and gratitude. In his hold, he simply whispered,

"Just you..."

It relieved you to hear his answer. You both stayed in your embrace, with no plans on letting each other go. Rick could feel a slight relief as you assured him you were not going anywhere. He closed his eyes and let everything sink in. Through all the changes he's made, he's achieved the biggest change of all. The hunt for his nemesis was over.

So.

What now?

He's going to find out.

❤

[ancientwastedlores]

Hello any chance you could write some comfort for the reader with Tom hiddleston, I'm goin through a rough patch n am in desperate need for some comfort I broke my arm not so long ago. Could it be something like the reader isn't sleeping from nightmares, really anxious, and has a broken arm like me n tom just takes care of them. Please

A/N: I'm so sorry to hear about your arm! I hope you get better soon and that this fic gives you a bit of comfort <3

________________________________________________________

Brewed with Love

The rhythmic pitter-patter of the rain against the windows of your London flat provided a soft backdrop to your restless thoughts. It had been a trying few weeks: a broken arm, nights stolen by nightmares, and an insistent cloud of anxiety that never seemed to part. The added worry of your coffee-cum-bookshop made your heart race even more. The thought of it being closed, letting down your regular customers, and losing out on business weighed heavily on your mind.

"I'll be fine," you'd assured Tom, "I can run it with one arm. I've read up on multitasking."

Tom had gently protested, his voice filled with genuine concern. "Love, you need to rest. You can't push yourself right now."

You sighed, frustrated, not with him but with your own vulnerability. "That shop is my dream, Tom. And right now, it feels like it's slipping away."

He kissed your forehead, pulling you close to his chest. “I know how much it means to you. But you’re more important. We have to ensure you’re alright first. Your store needs you to be healthy."

Annoyingly, he made a lot of sense. It would only hurt the store if you were unwell and trying to run it at half capacity.

Still... you couldn't shake the anxiety. The only consolation seemed to be Tom's utmost devotion to you as you recovered. He read to you, fed you, and even helped you bathe despite all your protests. It helped, but it didn't completely eradicate the unease.

"I can't shake off the worry," you admitted as Tom fed you with his hands. He smiled and wiped a grain of rice from the corner of your mouth.

"I know, darling. Which is why I have a solution."

_____________________________

The next morning, you were surprised to find yourself in your shop, seated comfortably in a corner with a cushion supporting your injured arm. The familiar scent of coffee beans and the comforting quiet of the surrounding books provided a balm to your frazzled nerves.

Tom emerged from the back, donning your store’s apron, which was clearly two sizes too small. He looked adorably out of place with a faux serious expression. “Welcome to the Good Omens Coffee and Book Haven! How may I assist you today?"

A chuckle escaped your lips, the first genuine one in days. “You’re going to run the store?"

He struck a dramatic pose. "For the next two days, you can consider me your top barista and book-recommender."

You grinned, taking in his earnest yet comical appearance. “You do realize you have to remember the difference between a latte and a cappuccino, right?"

“I’ve got a secret weapon," he said, pulling out a cheat sheet with coffee recipes scribbled down. "I'm prepared."

The day unfolded with warmth and laughter as you watched Tom interact with customers - some star-struck, others amused by his novice barista skills. Nevertheless, they were happy to have something made by Tom Hiddleston himself, and word got around London that the Loki actor was pouring coffee for the patrons of Good Omens Coffee and Book Haven.

Through it all, your heart swelled with gratitude and love. The weight of your worries seemed to lighten, replaced with the warmth of Tom's gesture.

Your shop was more than just a business; it was an extension of you. And Tom, in his own endearing way, had shown you that dreams didn't have to be faced alone. They could be shared, cherished, and pursued together, no matter the circumstances.

The rain outside continued, but inside, amidst the aroma of fresh coffee and the rustle of book pages, you found a world of warmth, love, and shared dreams.

---------------------------------

I hope this brings you comfort!

Feel free to leave requests here and you can find my Masterlist here <3

[dxmoness]

𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐀 - 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄

character(s): Eros Vasilios (again)

manhwa(s): Your Throne

when tf did I reach over 100 followers- I don't check it often and I- thank you for 146 followers, love you all <333

was gonna make a mutuals post, but idk what to do so I'll come up with one eventually.

Before she could reply to the male's taunting response, she blacked out finding herself in a never-ending void of darkness. Until a ray of sunlight shown on her that is.

Raising her hand to shield herself from the bright beam of light, she eased herself up. The room looked unscathed for a room that had been trashed by that male last night.

A shaky breath escaped her as her fingers touched the place where his hand had been the night before. Her lips were still okay it seemed no scar emerged nor a bruise on her body from which she had last been slammed to the wall. The only thing was what happened after she blacked out.. The answer was not found on her body therefore she stood up looking around to find a simple note.

'If you are reading this, I've left. I've cleaned your room if that gives you comfort for me trespassing. I would've cared less, but I needed no trace of me left therefore cleaning the room was most necessary. No I didn't do anything to you or anyone else. Rest assured pretend as if our meeting was a dream. There is no need for stupid questions asked to the emperor.' There was no signature found on the paper just a feeling that it was the same male.

This son of a b*tch just left her with a dumb note that barely answered any question. All he did was point out the obvious. Opening the door as quietly as possible she padded her way to the garden. Perhaps there would be a place to bring her mind at ease. On her way there she heard a muffled voices from the door.

"Did you hear? Someone decided to break in last night!" She peeked through the slightly closed door to see three maids huddled together talking in hushed tones. "How frightening! I'm surprised he didn't do anything!"

The other maid nodded in agreement while the other seemed unaware of the current conversation. "Amanda?" The said girl blinked back to reality as she mumbled a halfhearted apology, barely even caring if the girls looked at her with perplexed expressions.

"I seem to have gotten carried away, I'm fine really-!" The girl babbled on about how much she was behind sleep.

That maid was a suspect for her. She'll have to talk with her later on. Taking a note of her noticeable features, she left with a note to herself that there was a needed talk with the girl and herself.

Finally reaching the gardens, she sat on one of the benches to make herself comfortable. Suddenly a hand ruffled up her already messed up hair. "Eh-?" Looking up her eyes met with the familiar sight of the prince who was smiling with such delight to see her. Ah of course he'd come to find her why wouldn't he..

"Good morning, Your Highness." She quickly got up to bow to the prince who was seemingly enjoying the view of her, to much of her annoyance it seemed he wished to dine with her for breakfast.

"I wish to eat with you if that's alright." Eros said, there was a need to ask first and not order around like how he would to every other noble who walked in this castle for this was not any other person, but the girl he wished to take as his.

"I'm sorry Your Highness but I've already eaten my fill." She had to come up with such a lie to get herself out of this situation. Dining with the prince was exciting and all, but she still had a lot of things on her mind. It was also a good thing to keep in mind of the risk that lay in lying to a royal. She shudder as she remembered what had happened to her lord husband, no, that couldn't possibly happen to her. They had no evidence of her lies plus it was a necessity if she was fighting to survive.

Eros' face held disappointment as he wavered on. "Very well. Shall tea this afternoon be suffice?" He asked. He needed to have some time with her at the very least. All this castle gossip about a visitor in the night could get in her head and that would do more harm than good.

She flinched at this notion. "I suppose so." She responded with slight ease. The air was extremely intoxicated with tension. That tension was not one she would welcome with ease.

Eros simply nodded before heading back inside. "Make sure to come back in soon. Too much sun could dehydrate you, my lady." He called back before leaving in a rush.

Name exhaled deeply as the sounds of nature continued around her. The breezy wind blew the leaves slowly, causing them to rustle softly. Birds sang their songs with joy as they gathered near the fountain to drink.

She watched with fascination as the little animals continued on with their day. Good for them. They didn't have to deal with a prisoner husband, a overly welcoming prince, and a total airhead of a stranger who didn't bother telling her who he was.

"My lady?" A frantic shriek from a maid woke her from her trance.

"What is it?" She asked, trying her hardest to keep in focus. The maid's face betrayed her thoughts easy. Something horrid had happened. She felt it.

"It's your husband!" Her vision slowly disoriented as she toppled over with panic and fright. Something had happened to her beloved? What could pos... No.

"Show me." She ordered trying her best to keep calm and not go frantic over everything though this failed. By the time they got there, a swarm of guards hurried around to make haste. "What happened here?" Her voice wavered, mind wishing over and over that it wasn't what she thought it was.

Then it came. The words she had dreaded. "Your lord husband has been brutally murdered, my lady." The impact knocked her out completely as she collapsed on the floor, her maid shrieking at the sight of her lady but she did not care.

Her husband was dead..

Her eyes filled as her vision blurred, sobs coming out of her. She was breaking down in a public sight of servants but she could barely care. The only man who could ever love her died and it wasn't even a good and peaceful death like he wished. Brutally murdered.. Her heart hurt as she reeled. Who would be sick enough to brutally murder one of the empire's most respected?

She couldn't keep herself from crying as she continued breaking down. A sudden movement came forth around her. She could not see through her blurry vision. Rubbing the tears away, vision finally fixing back she saw the crowned prince. His face was solemn as he pulled her up. "It's a saddening truth, my lady." He whispered, wrapping his arms around the girl. "I will make sure to do everything so that your husband may have the best funeral possible." He leaned and kissed her forehead. "For know please retire to your room and try to cheer up. It hurts to see you cry." Name nodded meekly, completely blinded by his words to notice the male's satisfied look.

Watching her retreat in silence, he went into the dungeons where the crime had happened. This so-called murder had been no ordinary murder. Nor this victim was no ordinary victim. This was a necessary move for his game. The king was down. Now he will move forth to the queen.

"If only you had given her to me at will, old friend." He chuckled. "Maybe you would've kept your valuable life."

[chaos64sprinkles]

The Farewell before the event in general…v_v

Before the events of IIIEP18 Part 1 on 02/03/24 at 11:55 pm

'Sprinkles just messed with your PC!'

Sprinkles: Ready!

'Sprinkles keeps your PC in the weeds!'

N-Slash-A: Sprinkle! I need to tell you something, I'm going to miss you a lot even though we'll meet tomorrow, I don't think it will be a reunion at the right time because there's turmoil in the middle of it!

Sprinkles: It's okay Slash, it won't be your fault if you kill me if there is a duel between us, as it should be for a good cause, but if that doesn't happen, I still have two opposing paths, still good ending or bad ending, like We are inanimate, we are fragile and we don't last long, it could be that one of us will probably die in confetti at some natural moment tomorrow and we don't want that to happen. happen to us!

N-Slash-A: Ahhh, and you told Skullck that if we were going to explode into confetti, you told him to take care of his DA channel for the rest of his life?

Sprinkles: Yes, I told you before I turned off my PC, he is now sleeping underground and at least he never showed up in the filming of III because if he had shown up tomorrow, we don't know if he will probably survive or die, but let's pray from consciously so that everything goes well between us!

N-Slash-A: I understand what you mean by sprinkles, but why don't you go with me to that dark island with me, me and my current Bot family can take care of you and we can be together forever, like a family, most united of all, and what do you say, you're coming!

Sprinkles: No Slash, thanks for the offer but I won't, because ever since I ran away to a remote part of the island, I've always wanted to ask forgiveness from Yin-Yang being Yin at that moment, to get back with them soon, which has been my dream since Christmas 2022, so I thought about fixing Riggity Rex, which is Yin-Yang's stuffed animal, even though it wasn't complete but it was worth the effort and I confess that I stole something from there, which was this PC that I left under the bushes, to have fun, so at the beginning of 2023, I visited several websites and my favorite was DA, which I was only able to start opening my channel on September 17, 2023, as my first objective was to seek recognition from the entertainment community. objects to give me confidence and believe that I am still alive to return with the yin-yang and stay with them forever, my ultimate goal being, of course, tomorrow before noon, I can leave in the Armago climate, betraying them to capture the mephone4 after mistreating us during this season, but if it happens ok I will stay with the yin-yang like my owners if I didn't die naturally exploding into confetti and if you are also alive, let's go make plans to get married and have children and I will also continue in the DA and This will definitely be the best moment of our lives after the Gang Era!

N-Slash-A: Ahhh, I understand your dream…

'Sprinkles and N-Slash-A start hugging and kissing before saying goodbye!'

N-Slash-A: So that's it, Goodbye Sprinkles…

Sprinkles: Goodbye Slash…

'Sprinkles very upset with his decision, goes to Riggity Rex to prepare!'

Sprinkles: Give or leave!

'Sprinkles leaves Riggity Rex there and goes to sleep in the nest!'

Sprinkles: ZZZzzzz…

[nolongerinusegotomodelbus]

Movie Night

MCYT's included: (all CC!) Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Dream, Sapnap (mentioned Philza)

Anyone new: follow @modelbus as that is my real account and this is no longer in use but cannot be deleted.

What a movie night with them would be like :)

Wilbur Soot

He drags you into some psychological thriller that's new on Netflix. You only agree for the popcorn.

Wilbur definitely gives some effort, gathering a few blankets and making popcorn, but for the most part it's just a simple movie night.

Both of you keep trying to guess the ending of the movie throughout the entire thing but never get it right.

After it ends, you're both leaned against each other but are way too outraged to even think about sleep. You end up tweeting together about what a bad ending it was, riling up the fanbases.

Seriously, the movie gets pulled from Netflix after that...

Netflix scandal or not, it was a very nice night in.

TommyInnit

Tommy claims he's a big man but is terrified of horror so you two end up watching a comedy at his apartment.

100% goes all out. Popcorn, every blanket and pillow that he owns, Haribo twin gummy snakes.

He literally cannot stop himself from cracking jokes about it the entire time. You spend more time laughing than listening to what the characters are saying.

Popcorn gets thrown.

So do pillows...

"That was the worst joke I've ever heard." "Hey! I'm a brilliant comedian, bitch!" "Well- AH! Did you just throw a pillow at me?!"

The entire movie night is actually a secret sham for him to cuddle with you though, so don't be fooled.

Later, on stream, he fully recounts the movie and informs chat how funny he was, despite just making dumb jokes.

Tubbo

I feel like he would be really invested in a drama with you, but only if you watch it at home.

He dramatically gasps at every twist and turn, so the theater just wouldn't work out for him. At some point you start to exaggerate your emotions too, which turns it into just you two gasping or yelling every two seconds.

Somehow you both still end up retaining information from the movie and chat about it for a while after.

If you disagree with his opinions on it, he heads to Twitter and makes a poll to settle it. Basically, you're doomed.

Popcorn is a must, as are your favorite blankets, but he tends to sit on the floor and move around a lot.

One movie isn't enough for him, so you probably have a huge marathon of movies one night.

Phil is very unhappy with you two when you both show up to a recording half-asleep.

Dream

You'd manage to lure him into a horror movie with taunts because his ego cannot withstand your hits.

Somehow you managed to pick the scariest movie on Netflix, both terrified out of your minds.

At first he tries to pretend he's not scared at all though.

"Why did we pick this movie?!" "What do you mean, it's not scary at all." "You're a bad liar, you know."

It wasn't too bad because you clung tightly to each other, providing a sense of comfort. Or you were clinging to each other until he screamed and spilled popcorn all over you two.

Needless to say, neither of you got sleep that night. It ended up being a sleepover in the living room, all the lights on.

You posted the fact he was a secret wimp like you on Twitter, resulting in him not speaking to you for an hour straight. This man and his ego...

Sapnap

Unlike Dream, he actually lives for horror movies.

Maybe if you beg enough, he'll put on an adventure once in a blue moon, but he's insistent on watching horror.

And he wants to see it in theaters with the surround sound and huge screen to "make it a better experience."

He's a hungry guy, getting a huge bucket of popcorn for the two of you to share.

If you arrive to the theater before the movie starts, he will pelt you with popcorn during previews.

Somehow you manage to find your way into his seat, forever thankful for the huge recliner seats the local theater had.

Guilty, he always protects you from the horrors shown on screen.

"Why did they have to show that?!" "Just don't look."

Or, if he's feeling mischievous:

"Is it gone now?" "Yup." "YOU'RE A LIAR!"

Afterwards he finds a way to get you to admit it was a good movie, which he always uses against you when you want to have another movie night.

[itgomyway]

i have no real reason to share this, but i wanted to, because maybe there's an ego like this one out there. warning this is long </3

when i found non dualism, i felt so relieved. i've always been someone who only really pays attention to the "now", and was stressed by the idea of past/future because that's what everyone expected of me. the mind, naturally, was mostly quiet, i didn't actively think much throughout the day. so when i stumbled upon nd, i felt as if i was being shown what i truly should be doing.

i instantly started reading so much. i understood it all, intellectually. but every day i would forget what i read. i would never care, of course. i was indifferent to absolutely everything at this point, and whenever i found myself worrying i'd let it go. i always found that part, the not caring, very easy. probably because it's natural, huh? anyway, sometimes my ego would wonder what is next. we didn't really care where we went (again, indifference) but we knew there was more. that there was true freedom and bliss.

their sleep-dreams started resembling their awake-dream, to the point where they struggled to remember whether it "really happened" or not. their memory got "worse", forgetting things quite quickly after they happened. information wasn't being tightly held; not opinions, not "facts", nothing.

what the ego perceives as a few days ago, they asked themself whether or not they truly could love xyz despite xyz factors. and they said no, and cried. i reminded them that it was okay, and to let it be.

today, the sleep-dream thing happened again. i found myself amused by this, and went on just relaxing with my day. and then it hit me. utter adoration. this feeling of complete love for everything. for my ego. and we had a moment of laughter, of remembering what the ego believed about not being able to love all.

i just know this is the first step to what we know is ahead. even while writing this, i feel so much joy knowing what is out there. knowing that this is all my creation, that i am free, and that there is endless love.

thank you for reading this, and for doing/posting what you do. you and all the other nd creators are doing wonders. so, thank you. ♥️

awe you're welcome :) and welcome to the dream!

[gretakatharinaa]

everything is wired - about dreaming

What do our dreams actually say about us? Do they have meaning or hidden messages?

I'm sure you have had a rather questionable dream one night and spent the morning with similar questions.

To really understand dreams and what they mean, I dug deep and i'm ready to give you the shortest of summaries.

I know every person has different opinions about where dreams come from and what they mean or even if they mean anything at all.

So, in my digging, i've assembled all sorts of information.

To put it simply, our brain doesn't rest when we do. Once we fall asleep, our brain finally gets to work without our silly little thoughts interfering.

This process is called Memory Consolidation.

Dreams are believed to contribute to the consolidation or memories, organizing and storing information acquired during wakefulness.

- Think of it as a shopping Haul. You've been out all day, shopping god knows what (for god knows how much) and then, once you get back home you unpack everything you've bought, take off the tags and store it somewhere in the depths of your (probably already overflowing) closet.-

Essentially, our brain is having a mega haul with all the experiences since the last time you slept. And with that, when it's deciding what goes from short to long term memory, it also pulls out other stuff, older stuff, older memories and maybe even old dreams that were so memorable that you brain decided, once you rest, to include it in your long term closet haul.

So now, at night, while you entered REM sleep, your brain is sorting through the meals you've had, the people you saw, the names you read on your phone or on a billboard, the colors of the city, the background music at the cafe and everything else you've absorbed, you begin to dream.

So, now you might ask: Why, when my brain is sorting through my very real daily experiences, do i sometimes dream about the most illogical and crazy things that makes absolutely zero sense?

Well, i told you i dug deep, so bear with me:

The Prefrontal Cortex, associated with decision making and logical thinking, shows reduced activity during dreaming, which might explain the illogical nature of (some) dreams.

So last night, when i dreamt about DNA reconstructing glasses that you pull over the back of your head (I wish i were kidding), it wasn't me going mental, it was just about Frontal Lobe Inactivity. Well, maybe both.

From inactivity to above average activity: Your Limbic System, responsible for emotions (and the reason why you might miss your silly ex) is highly active when dreaming, influencing the emotional content of dreams. Some people wake up after a dream and can't shake off the way it made them feel for the whole day.

Studies have shown that there is a small percentage of women who have dreamt of being pregnant -but then waking up only to find out that there is no baby- and felt extremely abandoned and depressed the following day; mourning for a baby that was never real.

So with that being said, yes, dreams aren't real, but then again, what are they, if not real?

You see them, you hear them, you feel them, sometimes even after waking up, so just because it only happened in your head, doesn't mean it's not real at all.

My DNA reconstructing glasses are definitely not in store yet, but as they lived in my brain, they are a part of reality.

So, if i haven't bored you yet, here come the answers to the questions i've asked.

This is what dreams are, what they do:

Reflection of Emotions: Dreams often reflect our emotional state and unresolved feelings.

Subconscious Desires and Fears: They may reveal hidden desires, fears, or concerns stored in the subconscious.

Problem-Solving: Dreams can aid problem-solving by processing information and experiences.

Symbolic Language: Dreams use symbolic language, requiring interpretation to understand their meaning.

Memory Consolidation: They may assist in consolidating and organizing memories from the day.

Creative Inspiration: Dreams can inspire creativity and provide unique insights.

Mind Processing: Dream content may represent the brain's way of processing daily experiences and emotions.

What I'm trying to say is: Do not push your dreams aside with a simple: "It's just a dream, it doesn't mean anything"

It might not mean "text your ex" or "find out if you can actually fly" but it means something.

While at times the meaning is abundantly clear, some dreams leave us with wonder and confusion.

I say, observe your dreams and thought and see if there is a pattern, a motive.

And buy my DNA glasses!

[dragonmuse]

Lucius seems to have a thing for older men. In the main universe he mentions coming to terms with the fact that he’ll likely outlive both Pete and Izzy.

In the universe where all three are together, Izzy seems to handle it by being practical and making sure that Lucius will be taken care of financially.

How does Pete, in either universe, deal with Lucius being so much younger?

(How have I never discussed this? I am constantly surprised that I can cover so much ground and then look back and just see huge swaths of unexplored territory. It is a joy to create this map with all of you, just so you know!

To your question anon! This started as an answer, but got a bit ficlet on me so let's call it that)

Initially, Pete mostly worries that Lucius will just wake up one day and be like "who is this old dude in my bed? Gross." The longer that goes on with not happening, Pete graduates more into just being proud that he's managed to get this very hot young stud. He's not entirely sure how he managed it, but he's not going to let that stop him from fluffing his plumage abut it. (Lucky for him Lucius finds his pride about this very cute, especially as the years go by and it never dims.) What else is there to say about it? Pete is older, but aside from looks, Pete knows everyone would guess from the way they talk and act that Lucius had years on him.

Sometimes things will come up. Small things. Cartoons that were of the air before Lucius could watch them as a kid. Lucius will say things like, "Oh yeah, that election. It was the year before I could start voting, I was furious." And Pete will think Shit, I was 33. But that stuff comes up because they grew up in radically different places and ways too. They're not similar in a lot of ways, what's one more really?

And then Pete turned 46. Their relationship was six years old and they'd been married for two of those years. Lucius at thirty is even more beautiful, more solid and clever and kind. Pete still says 'my husband' with the kind of reverence reserved for angels and small gods.

It was a good birthday too. A group of them had gone bowling and Frenchie had made Pete a crown out of sparkly tulle and a boning meant for a corset that he wore all night. They drank enough to be merry, but not plastered. Izzy had even shown up, with a wrapped box of lures for their next fishing expedition. It was pretty great.

Yet, Pete woke up in the morning, and a tide of dread swept over him. Lucius was still sleeping, so Pete let him be, wandering into the living room. He didn't start coffee. He didn't go out to the get the paper. He didn't even take the couch. Instead, he claimed John's usual chair and looked out the window.

"Babe?" Lucius found him sometime later. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah." Pete shook himself, dredged up a smile. "You sleep okay?"

"Yeah," Lucius frowned at him. "Hey, c'mon, what's up?"

"Dunno," Pete admitted. "Just woke up with a bad feeling."

"Something happen last night?"

"No, it was great. I had a good time," Pete assured him. He rubbed a hand over his head, the faint scratch of stubble around the edges reminding him it was almost time for a clean up. "I don't know. Maybe it was a weird dream I can't remember or something. You want coffee?"

"How about I make it?"

"Thanks."

The coffee got Pete to move. He sat down beside Lucius on the couch. Lucius was still just in boxers. There was a little hair on his belly these days as if it had just figured out it was supposed to arrive. Pete like that hair, had run his hand over it many times.

"I could take some time this afternoon," Lucius offered, rousing Pete's attention back to his face. "We could hang out, if you want."

"No, it's okay. I've got to finish up the seaming on that pant suit or Frenchie is going to murder me," he sighed. "It's fine, babe, really."

They wound up working side by side anyway. Lucius usually preferred to draw at his desk in the bedroom, but he declared the light in the living room was better today and Pete wasn't going to argue him out of it. Frenchie and John were on a buying expedition, picking fabrics for one of their choosier clients. It was nice to have company in their absence.

Without them, Pete put on his own music, pleased that he could do so uncontested for once. Lucius didn't care, too deep in his work to register much at all. On a whim, he chose an older playlist and hummed along to the music his father had always loved. Old fashioned folk and country things.

It was only halfway through the "Sixteen Tons" that Pete's foot fell off the pedal, stopping the hem midway through. The song fell into the depths, forgotten.

He looked to Lucius, who was tapping his lips with one knuckle on his left hand as he drew a careful arc with his left. The late afternoon sun caught in his dark hair and he looked entirely peaceful and beautiful. His skin was still flawless, broken up only by a five o'clock shadow.

Pete paused the music. It's absence registered more with Lucius than it's presence had and he looked up immediately.

"Are we taking a break?" he asked, rolling his shoulders back.

"I figured it out."

"What'd you figure?"

"I know why I woke up weird today."

"Yeah?" Lucius set aside the tablet and stylus. Still the same one Pete had fixed for him years ago. "Why's that?"

"My dad...he didn't make it to 46."

"I never did the math on that. Fuck, that's so young."

"Right?" Pete scooted over to bump his hip into Lucius' and was rewarded with an arm around his shoulders. "I have days, I guess. But I still feel really good. Happy. Healthy. But he was too, you know? Until that last year or so. What if that happened to me too?"

"You said he never went to a doctor though," Lucius reminded him. "And he didn't take very good care of himself."

"It was the job," Pete agreed. "I think it killed him, in the end. But...I don't know. How can I not think about that?"

"Guess you have to, at least a little."

"I don't have a will."

"....okay, so?"

"So," Pete closed his eyes. "I should have one. My Dad didn't and it was such a mess. I don't want that for you."

"Hey...hey we don't have to talk like that," Lucius said quickly.

"No, I think maybe we do. Just for a few minutes, okay?"

Lucius' mouth pinched up, but he nodded once, accepting.

"I'll ask Stede about a lawyer, he knows a bunch," Pete decided. "It's not like there's a lot of stuff, but I've got a little money saved up. There's the IRA. I want to make sure you get all that."

"Pete-" Lucius started then stopped. "Okay, babe. But only if I get one too."

"Why?"

"I'm not immortal either," he said softly. "And shit happens. You want to take care of me, I want to take care of you. Okay?"

"...yeah, okay."

And he'd go along with it. They'd both get wills written up, simple things to cover their few assets and belongings. They told John and Frenchie where they were were stored just in case which inspired them to do the same. It was fine. Just paperwork.

"You've got a will, right?" Pete asked Izzy. They were sitting out on a rented rowboat, lines cast and the day so beautiful, it was hard to believe death was real in it's golden light.

"Yeah. Changed it a year or two ago so Read can keep her place if something happens," Izzy didn't seem bothered by the topic, eyes mostly on the water.

"Oh yeah, she gets everything then?"

"No. Good chunk, but the agency goes to Jim. Few things to a few other people. My place and the rest of the money goes to Lucius. I figure he can sell it if he wants, but it's as much his as it is mine by now."

"I keep thinking abut that. I never really thought what it would mean in the long run," Pete admitted. Who else could he say this to, really? "I never realized that from the word go, I was setting myself up to leave him."

"Not like you're getting a divorce," Izzy was looking at Pete now, not the water. "We can't do shit about it."

"I could've found someone my own age like a fucking normal person. No offense."

"Fuck off," Izzy said without heat. "Anyone can die on anyone. That's just how it is."

"But-"

"No fucking buts. He's a grown ass man, he made his choices. All you and I can do is try our fucking best for him. Like everything else."

"Yeah, yeah you're right," Pete subsided. He turned his attention back to the fishing line.

A few minutes later, Izzy turned back to him, eyes flashing,

"But you better fucking outlive me, Black."

"Uh...why?"

"Because I am not dealing with him on my own. I can barely do this as a team. You die on me and I will dig you the fuck up and kill you again myself. Got it?"

Pete paused than burst out laughing. "Yeah, I got it."

He didn't really make it a habit of doing what Izzy wanted, mostly because the man was very easy to rile up in predictably hilarious ways, but he thought just this one time he might do his best to rise to the occasion.

[nightcall99]

Dreams from 27.1.24

Dream 1: I want to get my nails done. This'll be the first time I've had a proper manicure, save for one other time many years ago. It's never really been my thing but I guess I'm trying to find a distraction. I enter a nail salon. The nail technician gets to work, trimming my cuticles. I tell her about my friend who often gets it done in the fancy Japanese nail-art style, with jewels and charms glued on. She always looks like a princess. I'm just making conversation, I don't actually expect the lady to do a manicure in that style. I had just walked into a local nail salon. You usually have to find people who do that kind of niche art style on places like Instagram.

The lady kind of goes for something similar anyway, without me saying anything. Or maybe she usually does it like this all the time. She paints Maleficent's horns (from Sleeping Beauty) on my thumb nail. I'm surprised, yet very happy with it. I love fairy tales. On my pointer finger, she paints some whimsical-looking strawberries and on the third, a cake design. She is coming up with these on the spot, one by one. I'm so excited that by the end I will have such a unique full set of nails.

When I entered the shop, it had been daylight but now it's the evening. It's dusk. The shop is now empty, basically closed. No one is here except me and this lady. I don't know why she is continuing to work on me without saying anything or why she even took another client on in the first place, if she knew it was going to take this long. She is working on my ring finger, and has already laid down a base colour when I say, Aren't you tired? Didn't you want to go home? She does. She starts to pack up immediately. But I got the feeling she would have kept going if I hadn't said anything. Never would have shown any differently. Or perhaps even known differently. I am going to come back tomorrow to get the rest finished.

I exit the shop and I see my mother across the street. I don't know if she happened to be walking down the street and this is just a coincidence, or if she was waiting for me all along. The two seem to blend together as one. She takes me home. I take a closer look at my nails. They don't look so impressive actually. If I don't focus on them, they look great, but I start to realise that it looks like a child did them. The closer I look, the worse it gets. I don't know if I'm going to go back.

Dream 2: I'm in a shopping mall and I walk into a bookshop. The shopkeeper looks very familiar, in fact it's somebody that I know. It's you, bro. Or some other incarnation of you, I don't know. Auburn hair, pale skin. Very beautiful. You have on the coolest witchy outfit. The whole vibe is immaculate. You're 'there' and that seems to shock me, because everybody else is just nothing. You’re so familiar, the energy I mean. It’s like my energy.

But then I start to get upset. I feel lied to. Once, not long ago, we had planned to meet in person but you never showed up. Made up some excuse. But it seemed like you came to Australia after all, and now I find out you’ve been living in my city this whole time? We could have been friends. It feels like such a lost opportunity, for no reason. But then I realise nothing is as it seems. I knew you must have had your reasons. Life does what it does to us. No decisions are made in isolation. I must have agreed too, that it wasn't time. And if everything is always as it should be, I wonder, why do we meet now at this exact moment?

[shimmerbeasts]

@jynxd cont. from here. Jinx had that extra hop to her step that wasn't ordinarily there. Or rather she didn't ordinarily allow to be shown. However, she was bordering on a state of mania now. A state of mania that didn't hide the exhaustion that she didn't think was obvious. However, Silco was always observant, always quick to notice when something wasn't right. Was off. This wasn't something she wanted to own up to him. She didn't like acknowledging how she struggled to fight off the nightmares that plagued her since she that day. For a while it had stopped and she thought she'd finally gotten past it all. But the last few weeks had proven that it wasn't the case. She couldn't get herself to look at him, instead directing her eyes towards the floor. "I've... I've been having nightmares of that day again. They stopped for a while, but they've come back." Jinx's frown deepened as she turned her away. A feeling of a shame crossed her features and something else... pain.

"I keep seeing my parents dying, again and again and again. Like watching a tape stuck on repeat." Jinx clenched her fists. "They aren't the only ones either, after they die, I watch you die too. That big guy kills you on the bridge. That Vander guy and Vi is there. Laughing and celebrating like she's done something good." She wrapped her arms around him, digging through fabric and into skin. "I didn't want to tell you, you have enough on your plate being the head honcho of Zaun and all. You shouldn't have to worry about little inconvenient matters like nightmares."

Over the years, Silco had gotten exceptionally skilled at reading the different types of energetic behaviour, Jinx exhibited. Thus, he could tell that this energy right here was not a good type of energy. It was the mania, Jinx bore when she slept too little for an extended period of time. Even with the spring in her steps and the frantic glow in her sapphire-blue eyes, Silco could still make out the bags under her eyes and the strain on her face.

He stayed completely silent and still as she spoke of what had prevented her from sleeping. Nightmares about that day, which had changed so many things for them all. Silco could still hear Vander's devastating yell of panic and shock after he had thrown the Molotov cocktail, which had caused the Enforcers to open fire upon them all. Something, he still hadn't told Jinx. After all, how could he?

He wanted to step closer, maybe take her hand or even embrace her. However, he also didn't want to startle her. And so, instead, he stood there, his hetero-chromatic gaze fixed upon her as he listened to every word. His expression turned sad, concerned and soft. Even if he couldn't see Jinx's face, he could feel the pain emanating from her in waves.

As she embraced him, practically clawing herself into his sides and back, Silco didn't even flinch. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Jinx and cradled her head so she could stay close to his chest, listen to his heartbeat and reassure herself through his physical presence that he was alive and well. He stayed silent as he gave her a few minutes to catch her breath and calm down.

"Jinx, your well-being is not an inconvenience for me", Silco spoke, "It never will be. You are the most precious and perfect being, I know. I am concerned if you are not well. And as much as I always say that you must let Powder die, I know that you cannot always control when the past comes back to haunt you. That is not your fault and never will be."

His hand moved up and down her back as Silco sighed low and looked away for a couple of seconds before he spoke: "You know, sometimes I have bad dreams too. Sometimes, I fear I am back in that river and Vander is thrusting me underwater again. Sometimes, I feel like I cannot breathe anymore and no matter how much I struggle, this time, Vander is not letting up and I can feel myself die. And sometimes. on particularly bad nights, I see you die too."

"Vander is dead", Silco reiterated calmly as he caressed Jinx's cheek and lifted her chin up a nudge, making her meet his gaze, "And I am pretty sure if Vi even attempted to kill me, she would be met with a very angry Hound stepping in-between. Everybody dies eventually, Jinx, but I promise you I will not die anytime soon. And I may be the leader of the Lanes and by extension, Zaun, but I promise, I will always have time for you and whatever malady you may have."

[90frogsinatrenchcoat]

✴ 🎀 ~~~𝑀𝒶𝑔𝓃𝑜𝓁𝒾𝒶~~~ 🎀 ✴

'Magnolia:'

She wrote,

'An Open Love Letter to the Most Astounding, Deeply Astonishing, Brilliantly Philocalistic Woman I've Ever Known'

She paused, holding her hands painfully close to the keyboard of her laptop. She had only known her for 4 years. This seemed far from appropriate.. there was no occasion to prompt such a thing, nothing had happened in their lives to stir such emotion in her, and yet.. she found herself in quiescent serendipity as she typed this letter of adoration for a girl several months from her own age.

'There are 8 types of love. Historically, you are meant to learn these with several people, throughout your entire life. Yet, I find myself, so hopelessly enamored with you in a blazingly desperate platonic love in all its facets.

The first of the 8 loves, Philia, is Affectionate love; catalyzed by a bonding of the mind, reciprocated through deep conversation and support during hard times. You taught me this when my Parents divorced. When I needed a mother, you held me. When I cried over what I was losing, you held my hand. When no one would listen, you found me, and you looked me in the eye, and you told me that I was valid.

The second, is Pragma, Enduring Love; Enduring love, whose catalyst lies in the subconscious. Shown by creating long-lasting relationships with genuine effort. You stoked the small fire that was my heart till it was a burning blue flame and tended to it with everything you could spare.

The third love, Storge, Familiar Love; is Most often felt between a mother and child or childhood friends. I've only known you for 4 years- but those 4 years have been more constructive, and more familiar than any of my childhood ever was. I can recognize your voice, your hair, your eyes, your figure, all in mere seconds; your voice lights up my day and brings my rushing mess of a brain to a screeching halt.

The most important of the love you have taught me, however, is Philautia: Self Love. Through everything I have been through, through everything we have been through, you have taught me to be comfortable with my authentic self. Through years of pain and hardships, losses and pain, you have stayed so wonderfully true to who you are. And yet, you contribute that to me. And that is an honor I would never dream of accepting.

You say that I showed you how to be loud, how to take up space, how to be yourself.. and yet, I found that above all things in our friendship, the thing I envy most about you is your confidence. Every day you dress to impress yourself, not others. Despite your hardships, you smile. You always wear the bravest, most joyous smile. And the mere thought of providing you with that smile makes my heart pound violently in my chest, my eyes water and I feel a pang of guilt, guilt that I might not be good enough. You live in a storybook- a novel, where you find your way through the world. And I find myself to be a side character, the comedic relief that provides everyone with a laugh. The sidekick with big ideas but no clue what they're doing. And yet, whenever I say such things out loud, you silence my fears with the most amazing hug I've ever felt. You wrap your arms around me and tell me to be quiet. You tell me it's okay. You tell me I am my own person, my own main character.. it's just not my chapter yet.

So to Magnolia, the girl who taught me to be a woman when I had nothing but a broken heart and fragile mind, I thank you. And I wonder, alone in my heart, sleeping softly in the warmth of my now calm mind, if you would ever know the impact you have on me. If you would ever know how deeply I envy you, how desperately I plead with the universe to allow me to even begin to be like you. Every soft pastel princess has a deep green goblin companion.. and if I would have the privilege to be your sage green fairy friend, I would be happy. To see you be so happy, to see you falling in love, to see you finding yourself.. and to think that, had I not sat behind you that day during our freshman science class.. to think- although the thought terrifies me- that we might have never met.. I would give myself for you to be allowed to keep being you.

My last words to you, Magnolia, are this:

Keep being you. Keep being the prettiest girl in the world, in your golden gowns and bright makeup. And on the days you need rest, I will await you in your castle, holding a warm blanket and your favorite book, more than content to just be included in your story. You will always be the Prettiest Girl I've Ever Known. Inside and out.

She took in a deep breath, pressed save, and closed her laptop. She would never publish this letter. She knew the words she had just written would never be heard by another living soul. And though that pained her, she knew it was not her choice. Magnolia was her own person. Which meant she was her own person. And the time for thanks had not yet reared its head. So she put her laptop in her bag, zipped it up, grabbed her purse, and set out to find herself, guided by a Magnolia compass.

[bridgertonbabe]

I have to say that the Umbrella Academy AU sounds so interesting. But as usual my Benophie loving ass had a thought...

You noted that Sophie struggles maintaining her neutral state...what if it is only when she is with Benedict that this settles. (Whether that be due to their emotions or Benedict's superpower). It could link in with the whole Benophie 'let me be your anchor' idea, and the fact that Benedict is the one who truly sees Sophie.

Bonus. Benedict drawing/painting her in every state because he finds her beautiful even when she has a different eye colour etc.

Sorry, read your post and got inspired, can't wait to hear more!

Oh I mean naturally Benophie's story in the Umbrella Academy AU is the one I've thought through the most! 😜

And you've absolutely read my mind in that Sophie's appearance only settles when she's with Benedict because his soul anchors hers and perceptively sees her better than anyone else.

For full perspective, Sophie has never truly known what her true appearance is meant to look like. Throughout her tumultuous childhood her looks never settled, her hair wildly changing colour length and texture and her facial features contorting her from one identity to another. When she joined the academy and was shown some basic care and love as well as stability, she gained better control of her shape-shifting, though during her neutrality her appearance would still gradually fade (for example, if she sat down to watch a film with the other academy members she would appear as a brand new person by the time it had finished). Once she had mastered her power she could simply maintain the appearance of someone whose looks she admired or wished to appear as (and for fun she regularly cloned herself as her fellow academy members and mimicked them), but every night she would sit at her dressing table, staring hopelessly at her own reflection, willing herself to present her authentic self just so she could know what she might look like. She had photos of her parents, to get some idea of what she was likely to look like, but still she could never seem to nail her actual appearance down no matter how much she wished for it.

While some of the other academy members could navigate their way through the outside world during their downtime without any issue, Sophie was practically reclusive because of her appearance. She was too scared to make friends because of her inability to possess her true neutral physicality and even when she put effort into maintaining another person's appearance she hated herself - she was so sick of being everyone else but herself and she simply didn't have the strength to quite literally keep up appearances when she wasn't fighting crime.

For a long time there was a loneliness Sophie endured all to herself even in spite of the love and support she received from Lady Danbury and the rest of the academy - but then one night everything changed.

As she drifted off into sleep she dreamt she was out on a terrace overlooking the countryside - and she wasn't alone. Keeping her company was a handsome man with chestnut hair, blue eyes, and a lopsided grin. She was instantly smitten and in the dream they talked and laughed and even shared in a dance. She was downhearted upon waking though she was quite surprised by just how vividly she remembered the dream in such great detail. Then, when she went to bed that night, there he was again in her dream. He asked her a question - a question which followed up on something she had mentioned in her dream the previous night - which left her bemused. The dream played out much like the previous night's one did, almost as if they were on a date, but this time her date revealed his name; Ben. And then he kissed her and somehow it felt as though she really was kissing him - but then much to her chagrin she woke up again.

Fortunately Ben was there again the next night, and the night after that, and the night after that; in fact every time she closed her eyes at night and rested her head on her pillow, there he was smiling brightly at her. They spent their dream dates chatting non-stop, laughing, and kissing, and each night they were in a new setting; one night he was sweeping her across a magnificent ballroom, another they were cuddled together looking up at the stars, and then a romantic date in Paris, a long walk on a tropical beach, admiring the Northern lights. Every single dream of hers was enchanted, with Benedict being the most enchanting factor of all. They shared secrets together, telling each other their innermost thoughts; and Sophie even told him of her identity of being Umbrella Number Three and her deep-seated frustration of never knowing what she truly looked like. This confession surprised Ben - because she had only ever had a singular appearance every time they met in her dream. She was so startled by his observation that she woke herself up and began wondering if the fantasy of Ben was becoming a worrying obsession of her own imagination, one that she knew would destroy her if she stopped dreaming him up. That night when she entered her dream she found herself in a cottage looking out on a picturesque countryside - and of course, there was Ben. He asked her to sit before an easel he had set up and informed her he was going to draw her in order to show her what she looked like. She was apprehensive and began pondering aloud; what if she had subconciously made herself in the image of what Ben's dream girl looked like, who was she kidding that all of this - Ben included - was nothing more than a grandiose figment of her own imagination, how had her ability to lucid dream brought her more happiness than she ever thought possible? Her babbling screeched to a halt when Ben presented his portrait of her and she stared in stunned silence. In an instant she knew that was her true authentic appearance; she shared the same facial features as the photo of her mother but had her father's blond hair and green eyes. She teared up, knowing that upon awaking she wouldn't have the appearance, knowing her dreams were nothing more than that.

But then Ben told her that this wasn't her dream; this was their shared dream and stunned her by telling her he was just like her and that he had a superpower too. He tells her he has the ability to infiltrate other people's sleeping consciences and to manipulate their dreams, that he's part of a surveillance agency where his power is employed - at which point Sophie freaks out, accusing him of exploiting her in her sleep for his own agenda. He confesses he was initially tasked with slipping into the sleeping consciences of the Umbrella Academy to see if they posed any sort of harmful threat to the world but after passing through the rest of the team's consciences (and mentioning that with all due respect her teammate's dreamscapes were just plain weird and of no beneficial insight whatsoever), he entered hers and the second he saw her forgot all about his mission. In fact when he awoke from that first dream he lied to his team and told them that the Umbrella Academy's minds were impenetrable, that they must have some sort of mind force preventing anyone from getting into their brains. Ben tells her that though they've ever only met and been united in their dreams, what they share and what they have between them is real. He professes his love for her, that he spends every waking moment waiting to go to sleep to be reunited with her, that he's been disregarding assignments and claiming his powers are waning just so he can spend every second of dreaming being with her. He swears on his mother's life that he's not manipulating her, that she can trust him, that he'll quit his job and leave everything behind just so he can be with her in real life. Sophie is taken aback by everything she's just been told - and then much to her frustration she wakes up.

As she begins to mull over it all, weighing up the truth and the reality of it all (and very much considering if her mental health has taken a turn for the worse), Phillip calls her for a chat. Just like Luther in the series, Phillip is situated on Mars (as opposed to the moon) collecting samples and seeing if the planet is hospitable to growing plant-life. Sophie is his regular point of contact and they video-call all the time. Phillip wants to share something with Sophie that he's observed, something which he's kept track of for awhile now, wanting to gather enough evidence before he got her hopes up. She's confused until he tells her that several times he's video-called her only for her laptop to automatically answer without Sophie accepting it. When her camera's answered, Sophie has been sleeping but Phillip wouldn't hang up, leaving the call on so he could have some company even though Sophie wasn't conscious. It was after several hours when he realised that Sophie's sleeping appearance hadn't altered in the slightest and over the course of the next couple of months whenever he video-called her and found her sleeping, not only did her appearance not change but it was the exact same face every single time. He wasn't sure what it meant - he had seen Sophie sleeping before over the years but her appearance would gradually change through the night - but he wondered if perhaps she was slowly adapting to her authentic form. He then sent screenshots of what she looked like in her sleep and Sophie was blown away - her appearance was that of the portrait Ben had drawn of her in her dream.

That night as soon as she met Ben in her dream she told him she believed him, that she trusted him, that she loved him back. She informed him of what Phillip had told and shown her, telling Ben that whatever connection they had was special, that what they had ran deeper than their shared dreams, that they were bonded on some sort of spiritual and mental level enough that her shape-shifting had finally settled whenever she was with him. Ben offered up the idea that they were soulmates and Sophie truly knew in her heart that this was true. She then asked if they could finally meet in real life, wanting to be able to physically touch him and kiss him, to be her truest self with him. He leapt at her proposal, and told her once they had met that they could start a life together, away from the rest of the world and live a quiet life in the country, an aspirational dream they had both shared together for what they wanted in life.

They arranged to meet at a party held at some big country house called Aubrey Hall with Benedict telling her she'd recognise the terrace with a knowing grin. On the day of the party Sophie had gotten all dressed up, giddy with anticipation to finally meet Ben in the flesh, for her happy ever after to begin, and she eagerly revealed all to Number Four ahead of her departure, unable to keep her excitement to herself.

And yet in spite of all that, Sophie never went to the party. She never even left the house. She did a u-turn at the front door and went back up to her bedroom before resting into a dreamless sleep. Months later when Phillip returned he asked Sophie if she had any luck with settling her appearance like she had done in her sleep but she had no idea what he was on about. He had also observed just how dulled her mood had become, considering for a while during their video calls she had never sounded brighter and more optimistic - but again, Sophie hadn't a clue what he was referring to. He thought it additionally peculiar when he asked her how her dreams were going, as she had mentioned in passing how vivid hers had become to the point where she was sure she was lucid-dreaming, but Sophie dismissed the question altogether; she had always had dreamless sleeps after all.

Fast forward to the Bridgertons reaping havoc with their newly upgraded and wildly omnipotent superpowers, Gareth and Sophie team up when a new sibling is located. Gareth teleports them to the countryside where a Bridgerton sibling seems to have the power of conjuring up dreamscapes and just about anything imagined from his mind. Their surroundings are completely distorted and other-worldly but once they get around the obstacles, they manage to find one of the troubled Bridgertons in some sort of palace projected from within his own mind. The Bridgerton - Benedict - spins around when they call out to him and he stares in wild disbelief at Sophie. Gareth tries to explain why they're there but is instantly yeeted out of the realm they've entered by the simple flick of Benedict's finger (Gareth teleports back, gets yeeted again, and teleports once more before taking the hint after Benedict expels him for a third time). Benedict approaches Sophie, his eyes wide as if trying to comprehend her very existence, much to her confusion. She carefully addresses him by his name, hoping to talk him down, but he asks her to refer to him by his shortened name. She obliges and calls him Ben - and then out of nowhere he's kissing her passionately. Sophie shoves him off her and slaps him without thinking. There's a beat of silence and she worries how explosively he'll react, expecting to be yeeted away with even more force than he had done with Gareth; but instead Benedict tears up, asking her what he did to make her stop loving him.

Sophie is flabbergasted, telling him she's only just met him, before suggesting that maybe her current appearance just so happens to be of the woman he loves and tries to explain to him she's a shape-shifter. He cuts her off, telling her he's well aware; he knows everything about her. Then much to her shock and horror he begins listing off things she's never told anyone else, things she's only ever internally thought to herself, but she argues back, accusing him of manipulating her mind. Furiously Benedict tells her that her mind is the one he can't manipulate because he can't access it. She doesn't understand what he's talking about before he fills in the blanks and tells her all about the dreams they shared, the connection they had, and everything else in between. He tells her how he waited for her to show at the party but she never came and when he tried to reach her in her dreams he no longer could no matter how much he tried. He thought then his powers simply weren't strong enough to break through whatever mental block she had shrouded her conscience in, and after the lightning strike with his abilities heightened and more powerful than ever before he thought he could finally reunite with her; but still he couldn't reach her. Sophie is floored by what he's revealed and believes he's simply having some sort of mental breakdown with all the might of his powers affecting him, making him believe the most elaborate and intricate of delusions. She informs him that she's only ever had a dreamless sleep and that she's never been able to keep a neutral appearance, never knowing what she actually looks like in spite of what he's trying to tell her.

Frustrated, Benedict conjures up a mirror and shoves it in her face; and there Sophie sees herself for what she believes is the very first time and somehow deep down inside she knows that is what she's meant to look like. Benedict doesn't even give her a chance to respond before their surroundings are engulfed with copious screens displaying the dreams they shared together. In each and every one Sophie sees herself looking exactly as she does in the mirror and the more of these memories she sees, the more something within her is burning, something akin to familiarity and yet she can't quite reach it. It all looks so vivid, almost like she can reach out and touch the memories, but something keeps blocking her in her mind and it feels as though a grip is tightening around her. She starts to panic as she begins to get pains in her chest and as a searing ache tears through her head, almost making her feel as though she's about to explode. Benedict grabs a hold of her, begging her to remember him, to remember them, imploring her to fight against whatever manipulation has permeated her mind so that she can remember that he's her soulmate. The physical and mental pain becomes too overwhelming and Sophie ends up passing out from the sheer anguish of it all.

Holding her close to him, Benedict returns his surroundings to what they once were before he distorted them, wanting to get Sophie help as quickly as he can - except Gareth is waiting for him and he's brought company, and Phillip incapacitates Benedict before he can do anything.

When Sophie comes to she finds herself back at the academy recuperating and is congratulated by Lady Danbury for successfully retrieving another Bridgerton, who they now have under observation. Suddenly they hear Benedict screaming from the other side of the building - and he's screaming for Sophie. Immediately Sophie jumps up and runs in the direction of his voice as the walls around her begin to distort as a direct result of Benedict's raw emotion. She hurtles in to where Benedict has been confined and instinctively pulls him into her arms, comforting him in an instant and the distortion that had begun to affect the building simultaneously stops. As Sophie cards a hand through his hair, quietly assuring him that she's not going anywhere, the Umbrella Academy and the other Bridgertons that have been retrieved enter the room and quizzically observe how close the pair are.

Lady Danbury gently asks what power Sophie seems to have over him, but Phillip talks over her, pointing out to Sophie that her current appearance is the one she used to possess in her sleep a few years previously. Before Sophie can respond, Benedict beats her to it, snapping that this is how she's always looked to him, how she's supposed to look. Sophie begins to elaborate for the rest of the room's stunned benefit but Benedict ends up taking over, clutching her close as he explains how he and Sophie know each other better than anyone else, how they dreamt together and how a mental block has been put over Sophie's mind to prevent her from remembering him and what they had.

As he's talking something suddenly strikes Sophie as she realises there's someone who would have had the power to make her forget all about Benedict and close her mind off to him. Slowly she pans her gaze around the room and across the faces of her teammates until she lands on the only one who can control others' minds.

"Why?" she croaks, her eyes welling with tears, bringing Benedict to a halt in his speech before he follows her train of sight. "Why would you do that to me, Penelope?"

[impala1967dwinchester]

Sam Winchester- Bruised

Pairing: Sam x Fem!Reader, Reader x Asshole!Boyfriend

Pov: Sam

Warnings: Abuse, Verbal, Physical, fluff, Damsel in distress, falling in love.

Summary: With Sam having feelings towards Y/n, it's hard as she's with someone else. All the while her perfect relationship from the outside is crumbling. Will Sam be there in time to save her?

A/n- @firefly-graphics for dividers, This is for @lacilou I hope you enjoy it.

WC- 1.7k

Main Master List // Sam W. Master List // Request Master List

There was something quite wonderful about Y/n. She spoke with the knowledge of a thousand years. She was witty, and smart, and gracious all at the same time. Not willing to take shit neither Dean or I.

She was the best personification of the word perfection. She was fast on her feet, and I have to say a great driver. Dean wasn't one to share the driver seat with his precious car, but she could drive it better than him sometimes.

I would stare and get caught but not by her half the time. We'd be at the end of a hunt. She'd be smeared in sweat, and blood from whatever mosnter we were hunting. Her chest puffing, a beautiful face covered in splatter of blood, and all while she was perfect.

"Sam" Dean wouldsay dragging me from my gaze. Brows arched, and they look that said 'Leave her be.' All the while Y/n was obvious to the way I gazed at her from the rear view mirror. Her tired eyes, and sweet sleeping smile.

"Sam seriously, let her go." Dean said. "What do you mean? I'm not doing anything wrong." I stated, "Sammy I've been around you my whole life, I know your moves. I what the longing looks from you mean. I know you man." Dean said.

Glancing to the back seat. Dean face turned somber. "She's with someone. Someone who she loves and talks about all the time. He's normal. He can't hurt her like we can, Sam." Dean said trying to convince me of what I knew I had to do.

"I know that Dean," I said shortly. "Do you? Or is it just what the heart wants?" Dean asked. The conversation boiled out, and the rest of the drive was quiet and I eventually fell asleep. My head on the window of the car.

I dreamt a dream that no reality could solve.

I lay in bed with her, and our hair spreads evenly against a pillow. Her lashes stuck to her cheeks. "I know you're watching me." She'd say. I'd just hum and leaned in kissing her on her neck, before wrapping my arm around her naked waist. Pulling her into me.

That dream was cut short by the hum of the car coming to a stop. The next few weeks go by pretty fast, and the thoughts of Y/n don't stop or even slow. I know I should leave her alone, and make the thoughts go away,, but I can't there's something about her. There's something about the constantly on my mind.

She's sewn into everything. I can't walk about this place, and not notice the little places were I've seen Y/n's smile blossom, and her laugh echo through the bunker halls.

Y/n blooms with excitement. Her relationship is a shiny new toy an unbroken one. She smiles, looking down at her phone. She's been putting her whole heart into this relationship. Chet was his name. The two of them had met while we were on a hunt a few months back. One close to the town we lived in, they'd meet up for coffee, and gone for a few dates in the past months, but she'd never brought him here for us to meet.

Not that we had to but there was an underlining threat that I could sense about this Chet person. The way that her brand new relationship was already showing the reddest flags.

It was alarming, to say the least, but I wasn't the one to ruin something that Y/n was so excited about even though I had my suspicion. Red flags of little things started to become even bigger.

Less hideable

Y/n beautiful face used to shine when she talked about anything. She stood tall and walked with confidence. But recently that's all gone away. Her shoulders fall inward, and she's never quite got the same happy bright smile she used to have shown. Y/n head hangs low on her shoulder.

She never use to wear make-up she didn't need it and she knew that, but ever since she got with this Chet guy, the make-up got heavier, and it's like she had to wear it. Like she was covering something up.

You don't just go in guns blazing and start questioning people. That wasn't a smart idea, it wasn't even how you got the truth out of people. You'd just have to wait, so I waited and waited. Until I felt like I was bursting at the seams with this regretting feeling like I wasn't at all doing the right thing.

It's hard even to wrap your mind around, but what's even worse Is that dread-like feeling when you get caught by your older brother yet again. "Why don't you just ask her what's going on, instead of staring at her every chance you get Sammy" Dean said in a hushed voice.

I sighed, "You don't get it, Dean. There's something going on I can just feel it." I said, my eye staying on the form of Y/n's in the back of the impala.

"Dude you need to get a drink," Dean said boldly. I turned. "What! Why?" I shouted. "Guys, could you try not to be yelling in the car. We are less than six feet apart from each other!" Y/n said rising from her sleeping position.

We weren't far from a local bar. Riding into town from our hunt. "I told Sam he needs to get a drink, and maybe get laid," Dean said adding more information than needed as always.

"Oh," Y/n said curiously. "Do you mind if I text Chet to come to join us?" She asked so innocently. I hummed "Sure, Y/n." I answered, maybe this would be a chance for all those red flags to be brought to the surface.

When we finally made it to the bar, it wasn't crowded. But the cars were lined up in the spaces neatly. Y/n was the first out. Grabbing a different sweater from her bag. One of mine to be exact. An old university sweater.

We walked in, and the music was buzzing. a few people sitting at the bar. "Chet!" Y/n hollered as she walled up to the medium-built guy, he looked... just like y/n said he did. Well that was what I said out loud.

My innermost personal thoughts were much ruder, must more realistic. Chet looked like the average douche in every rom-com movie. The average guy that was the jock in high school and doesn't realize that status doesn't follow you after you leave public education.

He was drunk, you could tell. His grabby hand pulled the small frame of Y/n all over the place. She was keeping him balanced. But that didn't mean he had to manhandle her.

Dean and I had made our way to a booth, the bar had given us a few ice-cold beers. something Dean said was because of his great looks. I wasn't concerned about the drinks at any time.

More concerned with the ever-consitant chain of "No's" I kept hearing come from Y/n. Her face had come from cheery and bubbly, to flustered, and beat red. I watched as he forced her to the dance floor. A faint song could be heard in the background.

All my thought were interrupted when I heard the distinct sound of a hard open-palmed slap. "DAMN Y/N" I heard, and my ears perked up. Dean looked up at me and then around to scan the room. In the middle, for everyone to see were Chet and Y/n. Chet had his hands gripped around Y/n's shoulder. Pulling her in closer to him.

There was a look of desperation on her face. Dean tried to stop me, but I couldn't feel his hand try and catch me. I was already B-Lining for her. He was grumbling under his voice and swearing up and down at Y/n. There was this crumbling look on Y/n's face.

One that said 'I always pick the wrong ones.'

I could hear Dean's footsteps behind me. I didn't have time to think of words to say, I just spoke.

"Listen here, Chet," I said pushing at his shoulder. "I'm up to about here with your shit. You think that your bullshit doesn't have any effect on Y/n. I'm so tired of watching her not being able to grow because of your dumbass. I swear I thought I could let it go. I really did, but I'm done. Done with your antics and Y/n hiding it for you because she's too afraid to say anything about it."

I had pushed Chet, so far he had hit the pool table. His limp and drunk body hanging over the edge. I went to punch him, but the urge and thought of embarrassing Y/n, even more, was just one reason why I wasn't going to drop to Chet's level.

Y/n was wrapped around Dean's arms. His face was neutral in a way. "Did you beat his ass?" He questioned me. "Dean, Not now," I said. We walked back to the booth. Dean pulled Y/n beside him.

Her tears stained her cheeks, and the make-up was starting to become lessened on her skin. I kneeled on the floor. Despite the dirty bar floor.

"Y/n I hope you know that you couldn't have changed the type of person he was, and that... well, and that you mean a whole hell of a lot to me and I don't wanna see you get hurt. So I was just doing the right thing." I said desperately trying to find words that matched my inner feelings towards Y/n.

"What Sam is trying to say!" He goes to say rolling his eyes. "DEANQ" "If you don't say it I will." He said with a straight face. "What are you trying to say, Sammy?" Y/n asks in a small innocent voice.

"Y/n I love you," I said, my hands had inter clasped with hers. She stared at me for a moment. "Good because if you had said something differently I would be freaked out." She said. Winking at me, getting up and engulfing me in a hug. "I love you too," She whispered to me.

I smiled and enjoyed her warmth against my body. Dean gave me two thumbs-ups. "Don't you worry about anybody, I've got you from now on."

Posted on: 05/02/2022

Completed on: 05/01/2022

Requests: @nicodarling @onethirstyunicron @silverose365 @alexxavicry

Stanford Girls: @kazsrm67 @dilfloverr @wonderfulworldofwinchester @band--psycho @ijustlearnedtolove-beep-bop-boop @rach-12 @flamencodiva @stoneyggirl2 @samsgirl93 @Onethirstyunicorn @silverose365 A@winchestersbitch-dm @alexxavicry

[dreamypjm]

ABOVE | Park Jimin

-> Chapter Index <-

Chapter 12 - "Falling"

word count: 2.7k

warnings: nightmare, angst, anxiety, strong emotional connection, sexual tension, kissing/making out, teasing, deep thoughts, ... read full story warnings on chapter index!

It's dark. I look around trying to orient myself. Nothing. Nothing I could reach out to, to stop myself from spinning around in circles, looking for a way out. I start to panic and feel my body getting weak..

"Y/N!"

I hear a voice calling me. Someone's hands suddenly lay in mine but I don't hold on to them. I stopped moving. My hands are shaking. I look down.

Those hands..

I start grabbing them gently and I feel their grib getting stronger too. I finally lift my head and look straight into Jimin's pale face. There's a light all around him, almost like a bright white aura. He lights up a part of the darkness.

But..

He looks sad.

Me: "Ji-Jimin"

His facial expression looks empty but it's staring right into my soul. Before I get to ask if he's okay, everything gets blurry and his hands suddenly start to slowly dissipate in mine.

What is happening?

My heart starts racing really fast and I feel a pressure inside me grow as I watch Jimin slowly disappear right infront of my eyes.

Me: "N-NO WAIT - "

I jump up.

A dream..?

I look around in panic and find Jimin laying right here on my bed, looking at me with widened eyes and his hands lifted up as if he wants to signalise me that he didn't do anything. I can tell he's suprised, maybe even a bit shocked.

I guess I was still laying on his chest before I jumped up and now sit infront of him.

Jimin: "Hey.. it's alright"

He takes his hands down and reaches one out in my direction.

Jimin: "You must have been dreaming"

Without hesitating I take his hand and lay back down on his chest. His heart is beating a bit faster than earlier, but still calm.

He's right here.

Me: "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up"

I don't loose a single word about the dream I just had.

Jimin: "Oh no, you didn't"

I lift head and look at him concerned.

Me: "Weren't you sleeping?"

He lightly shakes his head.

Jimin: "Not yet.."

Not yet?

I suddenly remember the last words he said before I fell asleep earlier.

"It lasts longer than usual.."

What was he talking about?

I wanna know what he meant but before I go straightforward with that, I should try to start a normal conversation. I wanted to get to know him better anyway, so why not start now.

Me: "So.. you don't seem to live here, right?"

I hear him exhale slightly amused before he answers me.

Jimin: "You're right, I actually live a few hours from here"

Me: "I see"

I try to think about what to ask next. I don't wanna be too direct at the beginning and look like a control freak or something. But I've never been good in smalltalk. Before I get to ask anything else, he keeps going.

Jimin: "I came here a few months ago to visit some family"

I nod.

But.. a few months ago?

Before he showed up at the coffee shop I've still never saw him around even tho he seemed to be here for longer already.

But okay, I've been fully concentrated on myself and was way too busy to pay attention to people in town. Except for our customers.

My thoughts drift away and for a second I remember my favorite customer, the old man. I haven't seen him in weeks. He hasn't shown up ever since the day Jimin appeared. What a weird coincidence.

I just hope he's okay and nothing happened to him.

Thinking about work I'm curious about what Jimin would be doing for a living.

Could he be a model or something similar..?

At least he definitely has the look for it.

Me: "And what are you doing when you're back home? I mean, your job or something ..?"

With my ear on his chest, I noticed his heart starting to beat faster which makes me concerned.

I sit up and look at him.

Me: "Sorry if I said something wrong"

He doesn't seem to be comfortable with that topic so I'm trying to divert from that.

Me: "You're here to see your family?"

But Jimin doesn't say anything and just stares into the room.

I feel like whatever I'm gonna say now could be wrong so I stay quiet.

But then he shakes his head, sits up and moves closer to me.

Jimin: "No it's okay. To be honest, I just don't know"

I'm confused about that and then remember what he said yesterday. That he's not sure about what he's doing.

I'm trying my best to understand what he means but it doesn't make sense.

How can you not know what you're doing?

Me: "that means you don't have a job right now?"

He slowly nods.

Jimin: "I had a job a few months back but I quit. And since that I was looking for something else but I guess I needed some time off at first. That's why I came here, to see some family. Maybe to make my head up about what I really want in life"

Wow. I didn't expect him to open up that fast after he seemed so uncomfortable with it just a moment ago. And I mostly didn't think the conversation would get that meaningful and deep within seconds.

I'm not sure what to say about his situation since I don't have any background on what happened. If something happened.

Me: "It was a good idea to come here.." - I smile at him and put my hand on his leg.

Me: "..otherwise you wouldn't be here right now"

He puts his hand on top of mine and smiles back at me.

Jimin: "I'm glad you say that"

He looks away.

Jimin: "..and I'm glad I didn't leave yet"

He turns his head back towards me and his eyes wander from the bed up over my body to my face. I could look into his brown eyes forever.

Oh, just what he just said..

Me: "You were about to leave before we met?"

His gaze deepens, as if he's looking directly into my soul.

Jimin: "Yeah, I was almost gone but -"

He stops. For some reason I feel my heart thumping strong and fast against my chest. I reminds me of the dream I had.

I feel my throat getting dry as I ask him..

Me: "..what made you stay?"

My heart beats faster with each second he stays quiet. I feel like I'm about to pass out when he suddenly leans in and places a tender kiss on my lips. Then he leans back and runs his hand through my hair while looking into my eyes.

Jimin: "You"

I widen my eyes and blush. I don't know why I'm suprised when I kinda wanted him to say exactly that. But I never thought he'd really say it.

Me..

At the same time, it made my heart flutter and I'm getting flustered.

Me: "..me? How?"

He takes his gaze off me and looks at the blank wall.

Jimin: "What would you be doing right now if I wasn't here?"

Looks like he's trying to distract from what he just said. Maybe he's a bit embarrassed but he seems to be pretty relaxed about it. Whatever.

Me: "Well, I'd be at work right now if you forgot" - I laugh.

Jimin: "Oh right"

Me: "What about you? Would you be with your family right now?"

He's still looking at the wall what gives me the chance to admire his ethereal beauty.

Jimin: "I guess"

He let's himself fall back into my bed.

Jimin: "For some reason I don't really remember what I was doing before we met again that night"

There's been weeks between when we first met and the night I ran into him again after I locked the coffee shop's door.

Maybe he just doesn't wanna tell me what he's really doing here. There's no way he could just forget what he did for weeks.. or is that possible? I'm concerned and curious at the same time.

Me: "What do you mean?"

He takes a deep breath.

Jimin: "It feels like I fell asleep when I left the coffee shop after we first met"

He turns his gaze on me and studies my face after he said that.

I'm confused but I put on a curious expression and stay quiet.

His eyes wander up and down my face as if he wants to make sure I won't be making fun of him. Then he goes on.

Jimin: "..and it feels like I woke up again just when you ran into me that night infront of the coffee shop"

He turns around, laying on his stomach now and looking away from me.

I don't know what to say so I get up and walk towards the kitchen. I grab two glasses and fill them with water. Then I walk back to the bed, put one of the glasses next to Jimin on a shelf and start drinking from the glass I have. I swallow it all at once and the water runs down my dry throat. I put the glass down and crawl up on my bed next to Jimin.

Me: "You really don't remember anything else that happened between those moments?"

I still don't know what to think about what he just told me but I wanna know more. I've never before heard about something like that.

Jimin: "Your message"

- he smiles.

Me: "..my message?"

Jimin: "Yeah I remember looking at the photo you've send me but I don't remember where I was that moment or what I did before.. it felt like I was.."

Me: "..in a dark place without a way out?"

He raises his eyebrows and looks at me pretty suprised.

Jimin: "..yeah, exactly"

I nod and look into the room while my thoughts drift away to the dream I had earlier.

It doesn't make any sense to me.

Jimin must have noticed that I start overthinking this so he gently starts stroking my arm. I catch myself and get back to the moment.

Jimin: "Alright, that's enough deep talk for now"

His facial expression totally changed now from thoughtful to playful. He rolls over on his back and suddenly pulls me onto his hips. It happened so fast that I'm a bit overwhelmed suddenly sitting on top of Jimin, his hands on my waist and my hands on his body. As I realise it, my ears start glowing and my jaw drops a little.

Jimin: "mhm.." - he smirks and his eyes wander down my body.

How can his mood change like that within seconds?? What did I get myself into here??

His hands slide from my waist to my back and he gently pulls me down towards him. I give in to it, lean down and he immediately lifts his head a little to kiss me.

I push him back down into the pillow while we kiss and press my body against his. He abruptly stops me, pushes me a little back up and looks deep into my eyes.

Jimin: "I don't mind forgetting everything around me if I get to remember you instead.."

Wow. This leaves me totally speechless. Instead of saying something I just crack a shy smile. He starts grabbing my back a little stronger and pulls me back in. Our kisses get harsher and more passionate now. I place my hand on his cheek and the other one on his head, slightly wirling a strand of his hair around my fingers. Just a bit later he pushes me up and straightens himself up aswell. Both of us sitting now, me on his lap. I put my arms around his neck and tilt my head a bit while his kisses start to wander sideways down my neck. His hands slowly slide down my back and without me realising it, I gently start to grind on his hips.

Jimin: "mmh.."

Just after he let out a slight moan while still placing kisses on my neck, I notice what I'm doing. I hold in for a moment and Jimin slides back up my neck.

Jimin: "It's okay"

- he softly wishpers into my ear and then starts kissing me on my mouth.

I feel relieved after he said that. I didn't want to go too fast or anything after what he said last night but it's okay for him now.

But is it okay for me..?

Something inside me is afraid to go any further. It feels different with him and for some reason I feel even more vulnerable..

I switch my thoughts off.

I want this and I want him.

I lightly bite his bottom lip while kissing him, take my hands off his neck and place them on his back. He suddenly lifts me up, places one of his hands under my butt and softly starts grabbing it. I can clearly feel his smirk while kissing him.

Mhm.. he likes to tease me but I can do the same.

I pull him stronger towards me and gently start grinding on his lap again. Now I smirk.

The tension between us heats up even more with every second that passes. I run my hands a bit more down his back and finally slide them under his sweater. His skin feels super soft.

I take my hands back out and grab the hem of his sweater. He knows exactly what my plan is and immediately takes his hands off my body to slip out of the sweater while I pull it over his head. A second later I hold his sweater in my hands but quickly throw it to the side.

Wow.

His body..

He looks trained and muscular, yet super slim. And there's a tattoo on his chest that says "Nevermind".

I don't get to look more closely as he pulls me back in and places a passionate kiss on my lips. My fingers slide over his naked skin on his back. I take my lips off his and start kissing his neck, slowly making my way a bit more down towards his collarbone. As I still grind on him, his grip on my back tightens and I suddenly feel something building up between my legs. I let out a low laugh and stop kissing his body. Instead I look at him and I start grinding a bit harder — he looks down to his pants and bites his bottom lip.

I smirk as his breath starts getting faster and more ruff.

Jimin: "Mhmm.."

He started breathing through his mouth while letting out low moans before he pulls me back towards him and we start kissing again. His hands gently slide into my shirt and run over my skin.

Omg..

His touch feels so soft and warm.

Suddenly he pushes me back onto the bed and leans over me. My eyes wander down his perfect body and stop on the bulp in his pants. He interrupts my admiration by pulling my shirt a bit up to uncover my stomach. He leans down and starts placing soft kisses on it. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

Damn, this feels great.

His kisses make their way up and he starts gently pulling my shirt more up til my bra uncovers. I open my eyes as he stopped kissing me. He pushes himself up and looks at my body.

Jimin: "Wow.."

He smiles, leans down and starts kissing me passionately on my mouth while one of his hands runs over my skin.. and ends up on my bra. He gently starts grabbing it a bit.

I grab his chin for a moment, then slide my hand down his chest, over his tummy towards his pants. I stop for a second, then slide more down and touch his sensitive spot.

He lets a low moan out into my mouth while kissing me. I start stroking over the bulp and with that I feel it building up even more.

That must be tight, lemme help you there..

I slip my fingers up and start opening his pants when suddenly..

*DING DONG*

- the doorbell rings.

I almost got a heartattack and jump up. I accidentally pushed Jimin off the bed in a rush as if someone caught me doing something I shouldn't be doing.

...

[hardpacker]

it feels so strange to be an acceptable loss. like a blunt force, dull but cracking, weak, dizzy. smacked into a wall, crumpled in a corner. i gave something once and i miss that. i was helpful, useful, maybe fun. but there's an awful unrelenting hollow where i used to experience colour and light with my entire heart, vivid details and subtleties, almost too enormous to bear, and it was all i could do to learn to translate and share that. what i did meant something to other people and above all, to me. and that was enough. i clung to my work as a lifeline and felt it ground me in a new foundation and i really did think i'd be able to keep going, that i could do what i needed to at least ensure what mattered to me would continue, and not just for my sake. i knew there were never any guarantees but i also held out hope, or confidence, or just simple pride. but that was years ago. it's faded slowly, but suddenly. every night when i try to sleep it's as if i'm learning how for the first time and it rarely works. lying down makes my body jagged and sharp inside. and now if i dream i'm scared. if i'm awake my body aches with no reprieve. i have no pride, instead becoming meek and anxious. and i just don't think at all anymore. i don't want to eat, or move, play, indulge, or see myself, i don't want to work to tend to this body just for the sake of it. it makes me so tired. words clog up my throat before they can get out. i've forgotten simple ways of how to describe things. in 2020 i thought maybe the sudden loss of self would change and it hasn't. this is only the most recent leg of too many decades spent in pain. true physical, unaddressed pain as well as treatment-resistant everything else. at least i could make something. i don't expect it to change anymore. i'm battered by all this time, and too much to come. if i think at all it's about the painful unknown death waiting for me, i think about all the ways it might happen, and if it doesn't in that way, the painful shape of the world, or how death will be denied, and instead, something worse. right now something is gone. it seems irreparable. i haven't healed. there is no chance. it will continue. i am more alone than ever and i can't make it stop. i wish i had done enough to be remembered later, but i haven't done enough to be remembered now either. it should be fine if i go. i don't think i can do more. i've loved many people very much, and i wish i had better shown it, i wish i had known how. i'm sure i tried. not enough, but some. i was joe a little bit, for a little while. maybe i'll be even more of me when i'm gone, a casualty, that's just the way we end up. i'll be a woman then, i guess. that's something to cry about, so we all get what we want. isn't it time? i can't do more. i don't want to do more. it's the only thing for it. it's normal and natural. the machine is running as planned. it's just the machine at work.