#even if he jokes and comes up with rational explanations

[skateboardtotheheart]

underrated ghost files moment:

ryan asking shane to come upstairs in the whaley house because he didn't want to investigate by himself and shane immediately going "okay" and heading up there 🥺🥺🥺

[insomniac-101]

Rose Tyler Character Analysis

Ah so Rose Tyler.

Rose " you like my gun?" Tyler who arguably, is one of the most important characters of the RTD era. A character so influential, that the narrative takes the time to mourn her absence and was single handedly responsible for bringing the series back from the dead.

She's so controversial. You either really love her or hate her, and I think that in itself is a testament to how well she is written. Because she left an impact, and that's not an easy thing to do in a series that has been around for so long

With that in mind though, I find that she is also the character that most people tend to misinterpret a lot. Often framing her in a bad light, rather than with the nuance required to understand her.

That being said I'm about to analyze the shit out of her character as well as some of her main relationships so if you love her, great I do too! Let's be friends! And if you don't, that's a shame but hopefully the way I interpret her journey will help you better understand why others do:)

I must stress that this is my interpretation but feel free to let me know if you saw a scene differently than me! Love reading alternate interpretations, me

Rose Marion Tyler is introduced to us in the first season of Nuwho as an ordinary girl. She has a job, a boyfriend, and a mother but from the way we are introduced to these facets of her life, we get the impression that she isn't necessarily someone that seeks to have anything more. She fits right in with said life and from an outside perspective, one can even argue that she seems content with it.

However it's in the moment where we see her come face to face with the impossible, that we really see who she is as a person.

When confronted with a group of living mannequins that slowly creep towards her , alone I must add, her reaction is one that is quite strange. Here she is, looking to fulfill a task in a completely dodgy and empty area below her workplace and when she sees something odd, she doesn't show fear. She doesn't scream, no on the contrary, she begins to try to rationalize what is happening in a manner that makes sense to her. Never one to assume danger, even when it is painfully obvious that there might be something strange happening.

That is when she meets the Doctor. A man unfamiliar and strange that saves her life right before she too succumbs to the threat. Thus, treating us to our first glimpse into the dynamic between our two leads.

She is visibly put off. Perhaps a little afraid but she asserts that the incident was nothing more than a prank. Something harmless and silly, even though it is quite obvious to us that that is not the case. It's this manner of viewing the incident that catches his attention however.

"Very clever, nice trick. Who are they then, students? Is this a student thing or what?"

"Why would they be students?"

"I don't know!"

"Well you said it, why students?"

"Cause to get that many people dressed up and being silly, they got to be students"

I find this interaction so interesting because it says a lot about her perspective. She doesn't assume the mob meant any harm. In fact, she goes out of her way to make up an even more incredulous scenario to justify their innocence, even when it is obvious that that is not the case. 

It shows nativity, but there's an underlying level of optimism there as well.

It is here where she finds out that Wilson is dead, and we see her react with concern. But notice, she doesn't assume he had anything to do with it.

Rather it's his tone that rubs her the wrong way, and she confronts the Doctor. Chastising him about joking about something so awful and even when he interrupts, she doesn't stop her pursuit for an explanation.

She is on the move right behind him, asking more questions that only seem to have more confusing answers. Following in spite of how absolutely bat shit his explanations are.

In this brief interaction, we see some of the most crucial aspects of her character. Her bravery, curiosity, and stubborn nature that allow her to remain by his side, long enough that he has to physically stop her and tell her to go home.

It is this blatant show of her character that prompts him to ask for her name.

Because here she is, confronted with the impossible yet she doesn't just stand to the side in shock. No, instead she chooses to engage with the Doctor. Trying to find a reason for what is happening, or in other words, a solution even if it's at the expense of her own well-being.

It's when we see her recovering at home, that the initial veil of an ordinary and perfect life is uncovered. Jackie is too busy on the phone to really offer any emotional support to her daughter. Gossiping on the phone about the incident, and in the minute a break presents itself, she uses that time to criticize her for not taking advantage of the situation.

I must stress that this interaction isn't included to say that Jackie is a horrible mother, quite the opposite, but she is human. RTD goes to show you that no one is perfect. That even the most well intended individual is flawed, and that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. This is important to keep in mind when analyzing the relationships between the characters.

Even though Jackie doesn't show her support through words, she still takes the time to give her tea as she is sitting. She is doing the best she can under the circumstances in which she's in. She's conscious that their financial situation isn't ideal, and so by telling her that she should have asked for compensation, this is not to show that she is greedy, but rather it's her way of showing that she cares. That at the very least, her daughter can secure herself some money for experiencing the traumatic incident.

It shows that she's a realist, someone who views the world through a cynical lens and prioritizes survival above all else.

Similarly we meet Mickey, and he is a bit more emotional to an exaggerated degree. Showing physically that he cares with a hug and going out of his way to fuss and dote over her, but this overblown affection seems to make her uncomfortable. As if to show that she doesn't like being the center of attention, and that they are making her feel helpless at the expense of their concern.

Understanding her need for a distraction, he offers to take her to the pub but it's not long before she catches on to his true intentions. Granted he does appear to be genuine in his goal, but it's not an activity she would enjoy and so she tells him to just go alone.

Now similar to the previous point I made about the characters being flawed, that applies here too. The relationship she has with Mickey is not perfect. Mickey is trying to play the role of a perfect boyfriend. He is showering her in love and support, but we quickly see that his motivations are not completely selfless. That really that overblown affection he is showing at the moment, is an act. We see this happen again later when he tries to put on this front that he's her protector in front of Clive, but she shuts that down too. Not because she doesn't love him or appreciate the concern, but because it's not him, and this front he puts on sometimes results in him ignoring what she actually needs.

He assumes he knows what's best for her without taking into account that she might not agree. It's only when he shows that playful nature we saw earlier in the intro that Rose seems responsive to him. As if to show that it's when he's acting like himself, that she appreciates his company. Because what she needs at the moment is not for them to dictate what she should do, she just needs them to respect her decision to move on.

When he leaves, we finally see that the comfort she derives from him is really from the friendly banter they have. At the core of their relationship, is a friendship.

I find that way too many people tend to assume that everything Mickey does comes from a place of ill intent, and that is just not true. He's a person, and he too has his own motivations and emotions that may not always align with those around him. That doesn't make him a bad partner, just a flawed one.

When she wakes up, we see that yet again, she is subjected to more fussing from her mother but it is in this interaction that something interesting about Jackie is revealed.

Jackie claims that her prior job at the mall was giving her "airs and graces" and this is something she tends to bring up later too, when she feels herself becoming more distant from her daughter.

This is a reflection of Jackie's own insecurities, not Rose's actual attitude.

Whenever she sees Rose find a piece of the world to call her own, she tends to put it down. Not because she hates seeing her succeed, but because she fears that once she finds something better she'll leave her behind. That she will have to experience loss once more, at the expense of her daughter rather than her husband all that long ago.

Now this is an assumption that on her part, I'd argue, is a bit unfair given that Rose doesn't ever really show to resent where she comes from. (in Tooth and Claw, she is even named  "Dame Rose of the Powell Estate". Which shows that she is not really one to shy away from her background) Nor does she believe herself to be better than anyone, but Jackie uses it often because she knows it elicits a reaction out of her. She's grown so used to having her around, that now she can't fathom living without her and resorts to hurting her as a means of keeping her close. 

It's an attachment to her daughter that at times, can prove to be stunting to Rose's development but ties back to the long lasting grief she feels at losing Pete. Again this is not an intentional thing she does, but it is a flaw that exists and shows up when they butt heads.

(I stress this point because I've noticed that this Era of Doctor who in particular has many instances where characters declare something, only for it to be a false conclusion. It's vital that one considers not only the words, but the actions of said characters. To read into their words, rather than to take it a face value. I will be doing a lot of that here, case in point)

Rose often has to put up boundaries with Jackie. Not because she doesn't love her, but because the extent of her love and attachment can be overbearing to the point that it interferes with her life. They have survived so long by functioning as a unit, but now it's time for Rose to prioritize her own feelings and that in turn scares Jackie.

I must stress that Rose is still so young, only 19. For her to have the maturity to know how to handle her mother as well as handle the household (we see her fussing over the cat flap, demonstrating that she is constantly aware of the circumstances they live in) shows that she had to grow up fast. Being constantly aware of adult concepts such as finances and the death of a parent from a young age, tends to do that to a kid.

Now skip ahead to when nine stumbles upon her home, and she manhandles him inside lol. She takes control of the situation, offers him a cup of tea and asks him to accompany her to the police station so that they can both handle the situation.

I must stress, once again, that she has no reason to assume he's a good person. For all she knows, he could have purposefully caused the explosion to kill them all. But no, she assumes that he was just a victim like herself and aims to bring closure to the incident.

Rose is someone that assumes the best in people. We see this time and time again with how she interacts with those around her. When she is talking about the body that was found, she assumes it's Wilson and talks about how sorry she is that it happened to him and that he was a nice bloke (even though her face tells the opposite lol).

She is kind. It's in her nature to care for and care about others. It's because of this that she is able to get through to the Doctor when he tries to leave again.

So she insists that he tell her what's going on, and continues to pursue him while making conversation. At one point he asks if she believes him and she admits that she doesn't, but nonetheless she continues listening. 

A kind act she then does for Clive, which suggests that the reason why she stays is because she recognizes that everyone wants to be heard. That to be acknowledged, means to finally feel validated. Something that seems to be absent from her life, given how often both Mickey and Jackie tend to dominate conversations regarding her decisions.

She gives him the space to joke around, to add levity to the discussion but the moment he confesses that he is alone she stops it.

Because she is concerned now. He, a complete stranger yet she offers him the patience to go at his own pace. All while, she is firm in her pursuit for an answer but not at the expense of upsetting him.

This is why they work.

She has the emotional intelligence that he lacks. She challenges him by offering a perspective that completely goes against his own. And when he's being insensitive or too focused on the big picture of things, she is able to put him in his place. Reel him back in and set him straight again.

(I did a more in depth analysis on the 9th doctor here if you're interested!)

It isn't until after she leaves Clive that we see her actually start to reconsider the direction that her life is going in. Because now more than ever, she realizes just how narrow her perception of the world really is. How insignificant her life is, in the grand scope of the universe.

She reminisces, talking about how she could go back to school now that she has the extra time to spend. Another decision, mind, that was done on behalf of someone else and she is starting to regret.

She asks for Mickey's opinion but him not actually being him, isn't able to give his input and changes the subject.

"I'm sorry, was I talking about me for a second?"

Her offense is something that stands out to me, however.

Based on prior interactions, one can come to the conclusion that Rose is not as open as she appears to be at first glance. When Mickey attempted to appease her by offering her the space to talk about the explosion, she shut him down and later on refused to include him in her meeting with Clive. She even went as far as to lie about her prior involvement with the Doctor to her mother. Which in turn suggests that it's not often that she has aspects of her life that are solely hers and so, when she finds something, she keeps it to herself.

This could be due to a number of reasons, but I suspect it is because of the company she keeps around.

Her mother criticizes her job and asks her to change it, and Mickey dissuades her decision to go looking for Clive. She keeps things close to her chest because she's aware that the people in her life won't often support them.

Then the Doctor interrupts, and Mickey is revealed to be a clone. Panic arises but her being the selfless person she is, presses the fire alarm as a means of ensuring that more people won't get hurt. This also shows one of her biggest strengths as a character, she is incredibly clever. Even though she dropped out of school at a young age, she has a knack for finding solutions with very little resources. She's sharp and has a level headed approach that makes her perfect for a crisis. 

It also shows that she has a habit of putting others before herself, because before Mickey even attacked, she was already standing next to the button.

Her compassion, bravery, and quick thinking are what ultimately drive her to save the Doctor's life. Because I'm spite of being in trouble himself, he pleads that she save herself at the price of his own life. Proving to her, that he is not responsible for the death follows him. And in turn she realizes that the life she is living is truly stunting her, because it's her putting faith into her own capabilities that allows her to save him.

That she, just like the Doctor, is capable of doing something beyond what she thought was out of her reach.

That she is free to live a life not constrained by the ordinary.

Now I'll skip ahead to the big decision; the one that seals her fate as his companion and a decision I often see people misunderstand. The decision to stay with the Doctor is not one that comes easily. Her initial rejection of his request is one that displays her hesitance.

Note that it is not because she doesn't want to, that much is evident from the way she's gazing longingly at the Tardis. But because Mickey's pleading is getting to her. He is latching onto her, metaphorically and literally; not taking the time to consider how she might feel about the opportunity.

He does not trust that she knows what's best, which is made evident in the way he often doubts her.

Up until now Rose has been someone that puts everyone above herself when it comes to making decisions. She has to consider their feelings, to the point that she feels the need to hide things from them.

Her mother.

Mickey.

And now she's going to let them snub out that little spark she just discovered she has.

It's because of this that she thanks Mickey before she leaves. Because it's his helplessness that helps her realize how fit for a life of thrills she is. While he was cowering, she in turn was thriving in the danger.

Him doing nothing but clinging to her, made her realize that she is capable of doing so much more than what she could do at his side. That she has the potential to save many lives and make a difference in the world.

So she leaves.

She is not angry at him when she does, quite the opposite, it's him being true to himself in a crisis that puts things into perspective.

The next episode makes her confront the reality of the path she has chosen.

He takes her to the end of the world and she realizes that her role is not to stop the inevitable. The Doctor is not someone that is responsible for preventing bad things from occurring, no, he is a witness to them just like she is.

This confession comes with the loaded realization that not every adventure will end happily. That death is not something that can be avoided and that the Doctor is not a hero. This shows her naivety, and through this adventure, she begins to lose some of it.

She freaks out at seeing the "relics" of the human race. All things she is familiar with, yet, it comes with the startling realization that everyone is dead. 

That she is the last of her kind alive.

So she runs.

In spite of it all being such a shock to her, however, she still has the ability to reach out to someone. Finding comfort in talking to an alien by the name of Rufalo, and asking for her name and background. Extending kindness to someone that she doesn't have to, because it in turn brings her happiness. It shows she is someone that cares for others, regardless of what they look like. That at her core, she is kind and considerate.

One of my favorite scenes that perfectly demonstrates this point is an underrated scene where she talks to a plant. She previously observed that one of the aliens that initially greeted her is a tree descendant that gifts her a piece of her grandfather, and she addresses it shyly.

"Hello, my name's Rose, that's a sort of plant. We might be related..I'm talking to a twig."

It's played for laughs but it demonstrates that her ability to want to understand others comes from a place of wanting to relate to them. She talks to the tree with respect and views it as an equal before realizing that it's just that, a twig.

When the Doctor finds her and begins to appease her by making jokes at the expense of the aliens, she once again surprises him with her reaction.

She gets offended.

All on behalf of the deep south aliens that cannot defend themselves in the current moment from his scrutiny, because she is able to humanize them. To see them as people, in spite of the obvious differences they may have.

This suggests that Rose's first instinct when out of her element, is to try to understand and sympathize.

That way of being, is what causes her to turn her questions on him.

Why he is so quick to judge others.

Why he is able to maintain that sense of levity as he sees the world burn.

And why he seems so touchy about his background.

Something that I wish to add, because we have an instance of this happening in this episode, is that her need to understand others might be rooted in the perception others seem to have of her. People tend to diminish her value because of how she looks. In this episode, Jabe, the tree lady presumes that Rose is the doctor's concubine or even a prostitute. This is why she gets offended and tells them both off.

(This happens a lot more than I realized on my first watch, and a lot of people write it off as her being jealous when that's not the case. That isn’t to say that she doesn’t display some jealousy at times, but it genuinely does not occur as often as people claim it does)

This is also why Cassandra gets under her skin so much. Because she presumes that Rose is inferior and looks down on others but that alone is not enough to justify her being killed. She makes that clear when she pleads for the Doctor to save her.

We also get some insight on why her dad's death left such an impact on her. It's brief but while watching the earth melt away, she says this:

"it's gone, we're too busy saving ourselves no one saw it go. All those years, all that history and nobody was even looking."

Even though she didn't know him personally, the fact that he died alone is something that deeply troubles her. To anyone else he was just a man, yet to her and her mother he was a father, someone that was meant to be a part of her life. He should have had someone there, just like how the earth deserved to be remembered in its final moments by those who personally lived in it. To die without anyone you care for acknowledging your importance must be haunting.

The reason why she stays with the Doctor is for the same reason why the tragedy of her father's death deeply affected her, she doesn't want him to be alone. Loneliness can be so terrible. Had it not been for the Doctor being with her, she would have felt overwhelmed by the weight of the world's end. It's having him there that made the pain bearable. She understands this, and so, she takes it upon herself to be the person he has to look his way. To be the hand he has to hold when everything becomes too much.

But the question remains, to what extents is she willing to go to ensure that he will be okay?

Gradually we see Rose become more confident in her ability to command and reason. She no longer hesitates to step in and offer her perspective, all while she continues to extend her kindness to others. This at times, clashes with the Doctor's own priorities but nonetheless his exposure to her has an effect.

It is in the episode Dalek however, where that kindness takes on a new form, a merciful killing. Up until now Rose has been the one to tell the Doctor to give the perpetrators a second chance. To see the good in others even when it's difficult.

But now this creature that has killed many, is changing. It's growing aware, disturbed, and it's all because of her. She stops the doctor from killing it, but now the creature wants to die. It does not want to become like her. It does not want to become so human that it becomes aware of all it's done and how lonely it is.

For the first time, she is made to confront that her kindness might have just condemned someone to a more miserable end. That humanity is not something that every creature strives for, and that at times the kind decision comes with a price.

So she does what it asks, and orders it to die. Saving the Doctor from sullying his hands with more blood but at the price of her own becoming unclean. Are these the depths to which she would go to ensure the Doctor's wellbeing?

The next two episodes explore what happens when Rose underestimates her ability to make mistakes.

She's become more confident, taking along Adam to their next adventure because she believes she has a good judge of character. Plus he’s kind of pretty, so that’s a plus for her lol

She wants to be the impressive one now and share that wonder for the universe with someone else. To see what it looks like from the perspective of a new pair of eyes, because to her it has all become kind of normal.

The price of understanding the Doctor more, is that it comes at the price of her humanity. She will no longer be able to sustain her naivety towards how cruel the world can be. It will become harder to judge when she is viewing things in a rational human way, or through the eyes of someone that has grown desensitized to the chaos.

In retrospect, I don't think it's a coincidence she is wearing red here. She has now witnessed a death at her hands, and she is trying to regain control. To remember what it's like to view the world through the eyes of someone normal like Adam.

With time, she will grow to be a stranger amongst other humans. She will have a harder time relating to others because her understanding of the world far surpasses there’s. 

Oh but Adam is not like her. Because she assumes everyone is well intentioned, she fails to realize that he might hold ulterior motives. When he fails her, she realizes that she is also capable of making a bad call. That the Doctor is holding her to a standard and if she makes a mistake like Adam, she too can be left behind.

Father's day is where we finally see her make a misstep and it's one hell of a problem. Her initial goal was to be there for her father and comfort him in his final moments, but she realizes quickly that seeing it is far more disturbing than she had initially anticipated.

He's her father. Seeing him die once is bad enough, but twice? All while fully aware that she can easily prevent it? It's a temptation that is far too great to pass up. But quickly she realizes her mistake and she can't think rationally, she is far too emotional to reason with.

"but he's alive,"

"my entire planet died, my whole family. Do you think it never occurred to me to go back and save them?"

"but it's not like I've changed history, not much. I mean he's never gonna be a world leader. He's not gonna start world war 3 or anything"

"Rose there's a man alive in the world who wasn't alive before. An ordinary man. That's the most important thing in creation."

She overestimated what she understood about travelling in time. She realizes this, but her pride will not let her stand down. She wrongly uses his loneliness as a means of keeping him there, knowing that he would never actually leave her but alas he does. In doing so, granting her a once in a lifetime chance to get to know her father personally.

With this opportunity comes the realization that her father was not the man her mother told her about. 

Not successful nor heroic, but flawed like any other man.

She finds out that he and Jackie had a strained relationship, nothing like the perfect relationship her mother described. That he had had an affair and that they were not on the best terms when he died. Really, her mother was protecting her from the reality of the situation. All for the sake of giving her a father figure that would not disappoint her, even in death.

But on the flip side, she is also able to know the best parts of him. Now she has a reference of who he was at his best as well. She is able to have him recognize her as his daughter and when he realizes the extent of her mistake, he takes on the responsibility to right her wrong. So that his blood is not on her hands, and so that she will remember him as the proper father he would have been after he’s gone. 

Note that he does this for her, not because she wouldn't have eventually asked it of him, but because he doesn't want the guilt of his second death to be on her.

She apologizes of course, to the Doctor but not before he does the same. It is in this moment, that she realizes how much she means to him and in turn, how much he means to her. 

When viewing this scene, once should keep in mind that the episode draws many parallels between the Doctor and her father. At one point, it states that she considers the Doctor to be the most important man in her life. so when her father comes along, in misplaced anger she asserts that the Doctor did not want her father to live because it would threaten his importance to her.

The reason why I draw attention to this detail is because I believe this is the episode where she realizes she loves the Doctor romantically. 

When her father touches her face as he recognises her as his daughter, she nestles into it like a little kid seeking comfort from a parent. Now that she knows what it feels like to have a proper father, she has a better understanding of what that kind of love feels like. 

So when the Doctor does the same thing, she stares deeply into his eyes as if just realizing what he means to her. Her reaction to him is almost shy and stiff, very unlike her usual temperament.

I think this is the moment she realizes her feelings for the Doctor are not that of her trying to fill a void her father left, but of a different origin entirely. The reason I say this is because these two scenes, mirror each other down to the camera angle. With both shots, focusing on her reaction to the touch.

I don’t think it is a coincidence that earlier in the episode, she gets mad when her father assumes the Doctor is her boyfriend. She even expresses confusion on why people think they’re together, which wouldn’t really make much sense if she had felt romantic attraction to him prior to this moment.

This isn't to say that she purposefully projected such an image onto the Doctor, not at all. But I think it's this experience that finally gives a name to what she was feeling for him all along. Something that started off as platonic but eventually morphed into romantic love.

(I can’t believe that I just claimed Rose might have daddy issues but here it is. On the bright side though, this goes to prove that the Doctor fell for her first so do as you wish with that assertion lol)

Then Jack appears and finally, their attraction for one another becomes obvious to everyone but one another lol. This is where the whole dancing scene happens and I think you all know what they meant lol I don't have to make an in depth analysis about it. 

(But how curious that she suddenly starts being more blatant with her flirting, after Father’s Day? Just sayinnng)

I must stress now, because this will become critical later on, that Rose is naturally very flirty and touchy. She's like that with most people it seems, but she never really means anything by it. When Jack appears, she finds him attractive but when he starts getting too close she begins to feel uncomfortable. 

She even stops his advances at one point. She likes being liked, even plays into it, but she never acts on her attraction. It's a flaw of hers in the same way the 10th doctor likes being chased by beautiful women, but she's never unfaithful.

Okay so I'm going to say something really radical here, but Boomtown is when Rose and Mickey breakup. For good. Personally, I am not of the belief that they were together in season 2.

The reason why I say this is because the moment Mickey and Rose are left alone, all she can do is recount stories about the Doctor and how great their adventures are. It is here where we see what was pointed out to us previously: that she would eventually outgrow the outlook of those around her. She is no longer the Rose he knew, or fell for. She has grown more confident, happier, and can no longer relate to him. 

In other words, she has outgrown him.

It’s here where Mickey tells her that he is seeing someone else. 

Rose does become a little jealous here, making a comment about the girl's weight, but she quickly realizes it's not appropriate and takes it back. Instead, commenting that she's a nice girl. 

Now remember how I mentioned that at the core of their romantic relationship was a friendship, we see that here more than ever.

When he suggests they find a hotel, she reminds him that he has someone and then questions why he is even with Trisha if she’s not the girl he usually goes for. (They grew up together, so it makes sense why she would know what his type is). This doesn't seem as if she's asking because she's jealous but because she's confused on why he's settling for someone. 

She is concerned for his wellbeing.

To which he admits he is and that he can't move on because he is still in love with her. When he asks if he wants him to wait for her, she can't answer. Not because she is unsure of her answer, but because she knows what it is. Her heart is no longer his.

Her running at the sound of trouble and refusing to answer is the answer. It will never be him. She cannot promise him something that just isn't what she feels anymore. Him yelling that “of course it will always be the Doctor”, is him confirming it. That what they had, has ended. 

This is the moment they break up. Her seeking him out afterwards is not her trying to mend the romantic relationship they had, but the friendship.

But it is too late.

When she returns after the Slitheen crisis ends, he is no longer there. He will not wait for her anymore and when asked about his whereabouts, she concedes that he will not join them when they leave because he deserves better.

This is her acknowledging that she did wrong in having him wait. She cries because it ended in such a heartbreaking way, but not because it is no more.

She realizes she hurt him, and this guilt follow her into season 2.

The reason why I am so confident on this is because they’re never really all that affectionate after this. Yes they hold hands and hug, but that’s something she did with the Doctor long before they were together. They never share a kiss, and the only one that ever refers to their relationship as something more, is the Doctor.

(Who I must add, has his own motivations for doing so. Mainly out of jealousy, and because it creates a barrier between the Doctor and Rose's relationship. I swear, you can't trust these people lol)

That's why her attachment to him never really presents itself as an issue later. Weeell not until the Doctor inserts him as a means of putting a wedge between the two of them. But I am getting ahead of myself here.

Skipping to the final episode, Rose is tricked into leaving the Doctor and she is left to confront what life without him is like.

This is the girl who, at the thought of her father dying alone, almost broke the universe to grant him some companionship in his final moments. 

He is dying out there, somewhere she can't reach.

And in the meantime, she waits helplessly as the man she loves is trapped in the future, unable to do anything but mourn him.

For the first time, we are confronted with a version of Rose that is devoid of any hope. A sight so unfamiliar to both Mickey and Jackie, that they don’t know what to do or say to make it better. 

That does not stop them from trying, however.

It's here that Jackie is able to admit that she admires him for doing what he did. This confession is a big deal because it highlights the beginning of a major change in perspective for her. 

The reason why Jackie and the Doctor’s relationship is so strained to begin with, is because she feared that he would be the catalyst to Rose’s eventual departure. She projected her insecurities onto him, often portraying him as the type to endanger her daughter on purpose and the reason why her life was such chaos. Yet, in this moment she concedes that she was wrong, that the Doctor is more noble than she had initially given him credit for. 

He's not selfish like she initially presumed, but selfless; choosing to prioritize her safety, over his own loneliness.

When Rose questions what she is expected to do now, Mickey is offended. He cannot understand the extent of her feelings, so he resorts to the defensive. Claiming that she must a sense of superiority if she thinks she is not capable of assuming a normal life like anyone else. But just as was shown before, both him and Jackie are very flawed people. They have their agendas and so they impose what they think is best onto her, without considering their own biases.  

Because they care, they assume rather than listen ... but she's no longer the same Rose.

She is different. 

No longer naive and no longer fit to live a life that doesn't have him in it. Not solely out of love, but because she felt she was at her best there.

"it was a better life, I don't mean all the traveling and... Seeing aliens and spaceships and things, that don't matter. The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life."

She criticizes Mickey for assuming the worst of her in that moment, as he has seen first hand the change she went through. That's why they broke up after all, because that change made her harder to hold onto.

With that change however, is the realization that living a normal life would mean to throw away all the growth she went through. 

To abandon her new sense of purpose, and lose that part of herself that refused to give up. The side of her that held onto hope, in spite of all odds being against her.

And finally, to give up would mean to lose the Doctor: the man that believed in her and never stopped.

When she says there's nothing left for her there, on earth, she means it. She would rather die than live a life without him in it. 

She's an emotional wreck at the thought of losing him but other than it just being a statement said in the heat of the moment, I find that she might also have a point.

Sure it's harsh, I won't deny it but really other than her mother, what is there to keep her there? 

Everyone, even ordinary people, leave home eventually. That is just reality. Her mother is there, yes, but one day she will die. Rose will be all that’s left, because not even Mickey will measure up to the Doctor and it is unfair to expect him to fill his place. 

She will be expected to live a life where not even one person understands her and in the process, forget the part of herself that she grew to love.

What they're asking of her is to give up on the part of the world that she has made her own. To hide the spark that made her into who she is, because that's how much the experience has become a part of her identity as a person.

It's selfish, but doesn't that apply to everyone? Who's happiness has not come at the expense of other people? By asking her to give up her life with the Doctor, are they not doing the same to her?

The reason why knowing that she met her father seemingly changes Jackie's mind is because the revelation is a confirmation that Rose has grown up. Her distress is not out of a naive love that Rose holds towards the Doctor, no, she is aware of the implications of what she is saying.

The reason why Jackie never told her the truth about her father is because at the time, she was a little girl who could not understand that her dad was not a perfect man. She meant to protect her innocence, even if it came at the expense of the truth.

But she realizes then, that she is not that little girl anymore. That before her stands a young woman, who no longer needs her protection. One who has accomplished impossible feats on her own merit, and grew not because of her, but in spite of her.

So when Rose tells her that she has found her place in the world, she means it.

Not to mention, the Doctor was able to give her a sense of comfort that not even she could give her. Granting her a sense of closure and thus cementing just how incredible of a life she is leaving behind. 

Jackie’s own fear of abandonment, is not enough to blind her to how important of a task this is to Rose.

This is why they help her in spite of it potentially meaning her death. Because to ask her to leave it all behind without trying, would be the equivalent of killing her. The version of herself that was forged from the experiences aboard the Tardis.

Season 2 is effectively what occurs when the reality of falling for a man indebted to the universe, starts to settle in.

His regeneration makes her confront the fact that he is unlike any human man. That the rules that define human relationships, will not apply to their own. With that in mind, she seemingly loses her footing amidst the chaotic revelation. 

She struggles to take control of the alien invasion, not because she doesn't know how, but because everything she knew to be true has changed. The foundation of all she stood for, has been broken and she has no idea what her place in all of it is.

When she realizes that he is still him, her acceptance comes with the acknowledgment that their circumstances have changed. That she will have to accept those alien aspects of himself, and redefine her prior assertions of what a life with him would mean in the long run. Because now more than ever, the love between the two of them is stronger than ever. But neither is willing to sacrifice the greater good for it.

Something I need people to understand is that the reason why their relationship doesn't become anything more than a friendship, until Tentoo, is because both are aware that his duty is something he can't abandon. It's a conscious decision on both their parts, not just on Tens.

We see this time and time again when Ten is made to confront the possibility of her death. She is not immune to the misfortune of the world and she knows this. But just because she's aware of this, doesn't mean that she lets it stunt the enjoyment of her life.

This is where their perspectives drastically differ. On one hand you have ten who recognizes that he is not human. The world is cruel and to give in to his love for her would mean losing her eventually. This is why after he is confronted with Sarah Jane, he can't bring himself to describe why she is different. 

Why she is his exception.

So he brings along Mickey to act as a buffer. This is why Rose seemingly disagrees with his idea to bring him along. Her and Mickey are just friends. He still has feelings for Rose, she knows, and to involve him is to give him the impression that he still has a chance. Again, it's not out of jealousy. If it were, she wouldn’t have been so keen on bringing along Sarah Jane Smith after this adventure or Mickey in season 1.

At the price of his comfort, he cruelly doesn’t consider Mickey’s perspective. 

She makes this clear later on when he asks why he was tempted to explore Pete’s world.

“Mickey’s mum just couldn’t cope. His dad hung around for a while, but then just sort of wandered off.He was brought up by his gran. She was such a great woman. God, she used to slap him! But then she died. She tripped and fell down the stairs. It’s about five years ago now. I was still in school.”

“I never knew”

“Well, you never asked.”

“You never said.”

It is his inability, ironically, to not think beyond his best interests that has a tendency to hurt those around him.

The funny thing is, the episode where she is supposed to act jealous and petty is actually the episode where we explore why Rose is such a great match for the Doctor. Because even though Madame de Pompadour belittles her importance to the Doctor and seems to be the main focus of his affectons, Rose still does what she can to save her.

This is who she is. 

Yes, she can be emotional at times but when it really matters, she can put those feelings aside to do what is right. This is something that we see develop in her since season 1. It shows that she is aware of the duty the Doctor has to protect time itself, and it's here that we see her take an active part in it herself.

When Mickey taunts her out of jealousy of their relationship, asserting that the Doctor's intentions are not as pure as she thinks they are, she is quick to defend him. Because she understands that he is not someone that intentionally hurts others. No, he is flawed and his duties are too important to be held to a human standard.

That isn't to say that she is immune to falling victim to the same dark assumptions.

(We see this plainly in the prior episode too, where Mickey's taunts begin to get to her and she assumes the Doctor doesn't value his companions)

It hurts her. You can see that, in the way that she stares longingly into the distance. Coming to terms with the implication of having been left behind, and her role in his life. She will never be his priority. Not when he is the only one left, to ensure that the world won’t plummet in the absence of his own people. 

It is this reasoning that allows her to look beyond herself and reach out to him when he is grieving the loss of Reinette. To ask him if he’s alright, even if its at the cost of her own feelings.

“I’m always alright.”

It is here that she realizes how much he is holding back. How much the constant death is weighing over him. And so, she gives him the space he needs in the meantime. Displaying that strength she has, at the cost of seeing the Doctor at his weakest.

I think this is why in the next episode, when they are trapped in an alternate universe, Ten is seemingly afraid that he might lose her. I mean, to an extent that seems almost overblown but, it makes sense if one infers it's because of how he acted in the prior episode.

 Not only because he seemingly put a wedge between the two of them, but also because more than ever she is aware that his duty is to the universe and not to her. He realizes the extent to which he has taken her love and loyalty for granted. 

How more than ever she is aware that whatever is between the two of them, will never be.

(Personally I see this as his punishment for being so careless in his actions in the prior episodes. Till this day, I still can't watch that episode without feeling so bad for Rose)

His fear is a reflection of his own insecurity: that alien side of him that is incapable of understanding why Rose would choose him above all else.

Rose is not one that would ever hold it against him, however. For the sake of blaming himself, he underestimates the depths of her awareness to the situation they're both in.

She loves him unconditionally. She doesn't expect him to drop his duty. No, more than ever she is aware of the toll it takes on him, from a second hand perspective. 

This is why in Doomsday when Jackie criticizes her for becoming too alien, and for not settling down, she stresses that she will never have a normal life because the Doctor never will. It was never the traveling that made her stay, it was him. The thought of him facing the world alone, to revert back into a miserable version of himself because he has no one to ground him, is a reality she can't live with.

(not to mention, her becoming too desensitized to the life she lives is a problem that can be traced back to season 1 as well. Showing that this is very much a real thing that can happen if she doesn't maintain something that grounds her to the human world)

So she takes it upon herself to be there for him when he hasn't asked. This is incredibly selfless and consistent to her character since season 1.

So when she seeks out Pete, she's not really doing it with the intention of staying. She's curious to see who her father is in a universe where he seemingly lives. Because to her, he is her father regardless of whether or not the body he is in is the original. This universe's versions of the people in her life does not make them any less valid simply because they're slightly different, at the core of them is the people she loves. 

In every universe is a version of the person she loves that when prompted, will save her. This is seen in how it's seemingly these two versions of her parents that do something to help her even at their own expense. With this Pete, being the one to save her before she gets sucked into the void and this Jackie, being the one to save them both from an immediate conversion

(Hint hint, this is the attitude that prompts her to accept Tentoo and it's also a big part of her journey in the Rose Tyler dimension cannon audios.)

This is also the episode where her friendship with Mickey essentially ends for the time being. Seeing how much the Doctor and Rose have grown to love one another gives him the courage to leave. To find that part of the world that is his, even if it means putting a pause on his friendship with Rose. It hurts her to see him go, goes to show you how close they are, but Rose understands that this is something he has to do. That he, just like she did with the Doctor, has to put himself first.

This is why in their final moments together they don't kiss. It parallels her first departure, but without the affirmation that they're going to continue their romantic relationship.

In the kiss they do share earlier, it is one sided.  Initiated by Mickey and one that Rose doesn't seem responsive to, doesn't even close her eyes. It comes unnaturally to the two of them, as if to show how their relationship has changed.

Rose does not share the same outlook that the Doctor does. It's because of this, that their perspectives have a tendency to clash when they're in danger. 

She doesn’t let the moments they have together be weighed down by the knowledge that their time together is limited. No, it is that knowledge that helps her be more outright with her affections towards him. Carrying the strength and hope they both need to continue finding the joy in living in the present. 

We see this presented explicitly, when they realize they're stuck on Krop Tor.

"Can you build another Tardis?

"They were grown, not built. And with my whole planet gone, we're kind of stuck."

"Well it could be worse. This lot said they'd give us a lift."

"Then what?"

"I don't know. Find a planet. Get a job. You live a life same as the rest of the universe.

The Doctor can't handle the thought of Rose dying. You see this, in the manner that he is so quick to give up hope once he has accepted their potential doom. 

It goes to show that the strength and peppy attitude he has, is nothing more than a mask. That deep inside, he is afraid and struggling to hold it back.

This is where we seemingly see how he really is, how he really feels. 

How hesitant he is at accepting that there's a way out. 

How quickly he reverts back to cynicism when he isn't reminded that there's still something to fight for.

Rose understands this. 

It's because of this, that she resorts to humor. Telling him about the potential outcomes of their current situation, that won't end in death. That even as they wait for their inevitable end, they can still enjoy their final moments together.

It's in that moment, where they're both vulnerable that she admits she sees herself sharing a life with him. Something that seemingly stuns him back to the present, and causes him to put his walls up.

This must be terrifying to him. 

To have someone understand him so well, that he is caught off guard by how quickly she is able to bypass any prior barriers.

"I promised Jackie I would always take you back home"

"Everyone leaves home in the end"

"Not to end up stuck here."

"Yeah but stuck with you, that's not so bad."

"Yeah?"

"Yes"

It's her ability to not take his reluctance to voice his feelings personally, that causes him to smile. Because it's the moment he realizes that she sees him for who he is, and understands.

It's her capability to see what he means to say that prompts her to kiss his helmet right before he goes. It is what gives them the strength to watch one another as he drops below the surface with Ida.

In other words, it is what gives her the confidence to reaffirm what he means to her even if he can't express it back.

"Oh she knows"

That is why he doesn't see the need to voice how much he loves her right before he drops to the unknown. In a leap of faith, he realizes that really the only belief he really holds is in Rose Tyler. That he will have another opportunity to voice his feelings, away from imminent death.

Rose also devotes all her belief in him, and willingly shoots at the glass in an attempt to survive for his sake.

Beyond all reason, it's this complete devotion to one another that causes them to overcome the challenges that stand in their way. It is what motivates them to assume that the other is alive, even when the odds are against them.

It's this faith, that gives them the strength to continue living once they're separated…only to then reunite in season 4.

(Where another parallel can be found, in how they both seemingly always end up running towards one another. They both hold on to the one person they know will never fail them.)

"Love and Monsters" demonstrates the extent of Jackie's loneliness. She is a single mother who fills the void her husband left with casual relationships. Her daughter is the only real constant part of her life and the fact that she was "left behind" by her Pete is what causes her to harden and see the world very critically. 

It explains why she had such a hard time understanding Rose and her manner of thinking, because it goes against what she craves: security.

This is why she struggled to let her go, but now the Doctor is essentially her family too, and so her loyalty extends to him too. The Tylers are exceptionally loyal, they love unashamedly and they lend a hand to anyone who needs it: Mickey and the Doctor. They may clash often, but that loyalty is what allows them to hold on to one another in spite of their flaws as people. 

They're the ultimate ride or dies.

Jackie and Rose are very alike in this way, this is why they often fight. Their love for the people in their lives is so intense, that they have trouble separating that love from their decisions. It is what gives them the strength to stay by the side of their loved ones, even if it means sacrificing their own needs.

But something that I think people overblow is the reason why Jackie tells her that she's becoming someone unlike herself.

The reason why Rose's life was able to be relatively stable, unlike some companions who came after her, is because she makes an effort to maintain both her human life and her life in the stars. They're intricately intertwined, much like how Donna is also able to maintain her foundation in spite of the memory loss.

The Doctor really isn't her whole life if you think about it. She is not being forced to stay by his side and she does take the time to spend time with family outside of their adventure. 

She chooses to concentrate on their relationship but she has the choice to divide time for others as well.

There is another aspect of her, that I feel like too many people might misunderstand.

She doesn't think of herself as the Doctor's replacement. Her role by his side does not conflate her self importance, she is more than aware that ultimately she is not him. That she, is not granted the same liberties that he has to put her life on the line. 

She knows she is not the Doctor. And she, is comfortable with embracing her role as his companion. She wishes to share his responsibility, not take it over.

This is why she is able to maintain this human aspect of herself for so long. She's still compassionate and understanding, because the tough call is not on her hands most of the time. If it was, she would have gradually lost that part of herself in season 1. But nonetheless it becomes a possible outcome if she's not careful, just like her mother warned.

When she is clinging for her life in Doomsday, something I don't see enough people point out is how truly selfless Rose was at this moment to let go of her hold, for the good of humanity. She reaches for the lever, knowing that there is a good chance she will die, this is why she takes the time to look at him while she desperately holds on.

She wants the last person she sees to be the man she loves; to find the courage to do what is right at the cost of her own life. It was not done out of recklessness.

This is why they are perfect for one another. Because they both understand that they are not the center of the universe, that ultimately, the duty they now share comes first.

This is explored further in the Dimension Cannon audios, that gives context to the development she goes through that leads to her reappearance in season 4.

Her reasons for using the dimension cannon are more complex than they appear at first glance. Her sole reason for finding him is not only because of the love she feels for him, but because she also has to put a stop to the mass destruction of every universe. 

I see way too many people use her reasoning for coming back as evidence that she has this weird obsession with the Doctor, and that's just not true. 

She seeks him out because she has to. 

If she gets to stay with him afterwards, that's just a plus.

(from here on out, I will give out some direct spoilers on said audios to provide more context to the development we see in show. Skip to after the 2nd row of asterisks if you don’t wish to be spoiled)

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It is in the realm of the audios, that Rose is entrusted to travel to parallel worlds without the prior knowledge of knowing where she will end up. Every universe is doomed, and she has to find allies in the parallel versions of the people she loves to pick up on details required to find her original world.

There is no such thing as a parallel Doctor. So she must figure out a way to get back to him and warn him, without his help.

Now I must stress, these audios get dark really fast. 

They do not hold back on showing just how awful this duty is, and how it comes at the expense of her humanity and moral code.

At times, she has to manipulate these parallel versions of her friends and family into helping her. To use them, up until she is forced to leave and in doing so, condemning them to a long and painful death.

 Over and over again. 

Imagine what that does to a person? 

To see the people you love, realize that you can't save them. To leave them behind, while hearing them plead for their lives to be saved.

She takes this duty on, under the pretense that her familiarity with the Doctor makes her the most ideal candidate for the job. She embarks on her first trip, thinking that this might be the closest thing she has to being on another adventure and that in the process, she could save some worlds in his absence.

But it's in fulfilling the role as the universe's protector that she realizes just what she signed up for. She becomes the Doctor's replacement, in the same way Jack Harkness takes on Torchwood and partakes in the duty to protect the earth. 

Yet what makes her different from those two, is that she is mortal. She doesn't have the tools they have at her disposal nor the wisdom that they have gained over the span of their extended lives.

No, she can die.

She cannot save anyone.

And there truly is nothing to guarantee that she will succeed. 

We see her struggle to maintain her distance, to not promise a way out to the people she encounters because there is none. She is no hero, she is their angel of death.

In an act of defiance to the death that will follow her, on her first trip, she saves an alternate version of Clive and takes him under her wing. Only to come to the realization that one life is not enough to make up for all the millions that died under her watch.

It is because of this that she opts to not embark on said missions alone anymore. Instead, she takes her own Pete, Jackie, and Clive only to find that they too struggle to maintain their distance. If not for them, then who will ground her?

It's in one of these solo missions, that she crumbles under the weight of the responsibility that she adopted. 

In a twist of fate, she is imprisoned inside a red phone box. Trapped inside with no means of escaping, and no real guarantee that she will find a means of leaving before the world goes to shit.

It is in this moment, where she is left to wallow in her situation, that we see her break down. She admits this to her mother, who can hear her through the intercom.

"I can't"

"Rose you're scaring me, just get out. Find a way"

"I'm locked inside a police box."

"What? A Tardis?"

"No Mum, a real one. A red one, all musty on the inside."

"Well you gotta get out."

“I know.”

I'll skip ahead, but I felt this was necessary to include to show how dire the situation is.

"I'm sorry.”

“Rose?”

 “It’s the same mom. Same doors, same noise, same light through the windows-I think they’re a bit smaller. If I half close my eyes, i’m there..but it’s not, i’m not. I’m not him. I’m not a time lord. No psychic paper. No sonic, No centuries of knowledge. Only one heart..”

“Sweetheart, I know it hurts but you gotta get it together.”

“How?”

“I don’t know, pick a lock or something?”

“How did he do it?”

“Sheer cheek, most of the time”

“He lit up every room he was in, they always listen to him! He walked through hell like it was a walk in the park.”

Because now she realizes how important it was for him to remain strong, to smile in the face of danger. Before it was easy to assume that she understood everything there was about how he looked at the world. The size of the burden, and what it meant to share it.

But now she’s in his shoes and the truth is starting to settle in. Jackie says this in response, as a means of putting things into perspective for Rose.

“If the universe needs the Doctor, then the universe needs Rose Tyler to find the Doctor. I’m so proud of you but you need to stay alive. One heart. One life, you got that?”

Rose never sought to replace him, we see that here in the manner that she can't handle being in his shoes. She is starting to develop that very same cynicism that he once had and is beginning to feel a sense of inferiority.

This is why she needs someone with her, much like how the Doctor needs a companion. This is a duty that he has to share with someone, not alone.

Jackie believes in her strength, because she knows that she has it in her to prevail. Rose and the Doctor are not the same, but nonetheless she is now the closest thing he has to an equal. And she has to learn to handle this new responsibility through her own means, not by what the Doctor believes is right.

(This is as far as I will share because there's still one audio left in the series and it has yet to come out, so I will hold on to my final conclusions until then. In the meantime though, I urge you all to check them out. They are absolutely worth it!)

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But with this in mind, the hardened version of Rose we see in season 4 makes more sense. It's why the thought of having an alternate Donna die doesn't really dissuade her into using her, and why she is so unlike the Rose Tyler we knew. 

She has matured.

This is reflected in her clothing: the overly practical nature of her outfit and her leather jacket. It purposefully parallels the outfit her first Doctor wore at his lowest point. The version of himself that was overwhelmed by the responsibility he held to uphold what his people once did.

I believe it's this new understanding of his perspective that stops her from putting a name to the nature of their relationship to Donna. She assumes they're together, but Rose neither agrees nor denies her assumption. 

Because she can't make that decision on his behalf, not when he has so much at stake.

It is this new attitude that also seemingly makes her more distant. Less forgiving towards the Dalek threat and less inclined for a peaceful confrontation because she understands that sacrifices must be made for the greater good. It's why she serves as his support system throughout all the chaos, she knows now how overwhelming it is.

Yet that part of her that seeks to comfort those she loves is still there. We see this in the way that when the Doctor is struck, she does not waste time wallowing in all that she has done to get to him. No, she puts aside her feelings and tells him how much she missed him. Tells him she's been busy, as a means of not burdening him with all that she has done to get to him.

(Just as an additional tidbit, I don't know why people use these small bouts of jealousy she briefly displays in the first half of this two parter to justify why they believe Rose wouldn't get along with other companions. She canonically does lol She even compliments Martha and is seen to be on good terms with both Donna and Sarah Jane? Her initial jealousy stemmed from disappointment in being left out. It's not enough to warrant the impression that she is a jealous person all the time.)

With all this in mind, it also offers an additional reason as to why she ultimately ends up choosing Tentoo.

Her final decision is not done on a whim, no, it's her being exposed to the constant dread of a life in his shoes, that puts things into perspective.

She cannot continue chasing after him.

When she is returned to that beach, she comes to the realization that the Doctor is going to decide what is best for her, again. 

In the time they have spent apart, he hasn't changed his outlook on his prior decision. He is still firm in his belief that she is better off living without him (the timelord version), so much so that he does not ask for her input.

It's because of this that she decides to not back down. To not let him think that he can get away with deciding on her behalf because she's not the same woman she was all those years ago. 

Given that it's her life, it is she who needs to make the final call.

Notice that what she asks, when deciding what path to choose, is for clarification on what he meant to say on their initial separation.

The reason why this is important is because the man she knew, would never say it out loud. Only the one capable of changing and giving into that love, would ever do such a thing.

And that version of him is Tentoo.

He is human, but most importantly, his duty to the universe is the same as her own. Indirect. The original Time lord self can continue handling things in his absence so he's got nothing stopping him from enjoying a life by her side. One that can either be mundane or filled with adventure, but it will be spent with one another.

The choice was obvious.

(Notice that this is not the first time she is asked to make this choice. The first time being with Mickey, where she seemingly chooses the life of thrills over her relationship with him, over love. Now that she knows what both paths entail, this time she prioritizes love and chooses Tentoo. 

With the growth she underwent throughout her seasons, she realizes that it's not the adventure she wants, it's the Doctor. This is her, finally making the decision that fits this version of herself that understands that love is what she needs)

But it's with this in mind that she questions what the fate of the time lord Doctor would be if she stays. That is why she says "it's still not right, the Doctor is still you."

Because she personally knows what his role entails. She was barely able to handle it on her own with the help of her family, who is to say that he won't crash and burn when he is alone?

The Doctor is not only his name, but his promise to strive for the greater good. In other words, the role he plays for the universe. She doesn't mean that they're not the same man. No, she means to point out that the price of her happiness will come at his expense. 

That the time lord version, no matter what she chooses, will forever be tied to the responsibility of handling the universe.

"And I am him"

With this, Ten assures her that he too, in a way, will get his happy ending. Because by choosing Tentoo, he guarantees that this version of himself, his tenth incarnation, will not suffer the same fate that he will. A new man will not walk away in his shoes, no, this version of himself will spend the rest of his life loving the woman that he was made to love. To have the one adventure he can never have.

It does not come without pain of course. That is why he can’t bare to see the two together, and turns his back on them. Realizing then and there, that there is no longer a place in the life she will live from here on out.

When she kisses Tentoo, it is both a way of imparting that final sense of gratitude to the time lord version of himself (who allowed for this to happen), and it is also to signify the beginning of a new life she will spend with Tentoo. 

Tentoo is the Doctor, he harbors those same desires that the time lord version of himself has. He is human, which grants him the freedom to choose what path he wants and that path is none other than hers.

It would make absolutely no sense to have her resent him or even believe he isn't the Doctor. 

This is the girl who was able to love multiple versions of her father and mother. That through her solo adventures was reminded that at the core of individuals, are traits that remain regardless of their circumstances.

Why would she not love him too?

A detail I love is that when she hears the Tardis dematerialize, her first instinct is to stop and see it go. 

She is not running to stop him, that much is obvious, because she stops long before she even reaches it.

No, she just stands there and looks at it. 

Just like she would have done had she had the chance to see the earth go on her first trip. This is her goodbye, her affirming that he will be remembered and his importance in her life.

That is why Tentoo joins her, silently taking her hand as if to assure her that he is still there.That he understands that this, is her way of saying goodbye to his other self. But don’t fret, it won’t be long before they too will have their own adventures amongst the stars.

That being said, God forbid he finds out that Jackie joined her on her dimension cannon adventures, he would freak lmao

[psychedelic-ink]

𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐃 || 𝐉𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐌. 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐄𝐳𝐫𝐚

pairing: joel miller x f!reader x ezra (prospect)

genre: smut, filth filth filth, minors dni

word count: 2.9k

summary: Joel’s frustrations run deep; to him you were a twisted source of purity, touching you forced him to think, forced him to feel. But not Ezra, with him he could do anything. A scary, yet also exhilarating feeling. Or alternatively: You wake up to Joel and Ezra having sex

warnings: mlm, anal sex, handjob (from reader to ezra), consensual somnophilia, joel being emotionally unavailable but what's new, polyamorous relationship, anal fingering, spit as lube (pls do not try this at home use lube if you have it), mild choking, ez having a praise kink, a bit of feels at the end

a/n: Okay so I feel like some explanations are due-- This oneshot going to be part of the Dark Hearted People series that isn't out yet. (here's a short little drabble i wrote about it if you wanna see) It's coming, and outlines are being made but I got this horny oneshot idea and wanted nothing more than to write it. All the context that you need is given within the fic, but all I'm trying to say more is to come. Way more.

Also, I would like to thank @pedrito-friskito as always who read through this and cheered me on. And a thank you to @write-and-buried who allowed me to scream at her about this and screamed back at me. Love you both 💜💜💜

AO3 |Masterlist | Playlist

It’s a silent night. 

The darkness enveloped him like a cloak, suffocating and heavy. The silence was deafening, a piercing screech that seemed to slice through his very being. He could hear nothing but the faint rustling of the trees, a constant reminder of the desolate wilderness that surrounded him. Joel straightens his back, a crack echoing in the silence. He can hear snores coming from inside the tent. His fingers twitch impatiently against the rifle he holds. An itch, a burning sensation, crawled up his neck, a physical manifestation of his unease.

You’re a silent sleeper. That much he knows. It’s Ezra who’s the loud one. It’s the same when he’s awake, not granting Joel a minute of peace. 

They’ve been on the road for a while now. The tracks of the group they were following disappearing more and more into the wind every passing day. He’s on the everlasting road of questioning what the hell he’s doing here. With these people. You, he can rationalize. He’s known you since Boston. You were reliable, had a joke or two in you that made him crack a smile. 

But the other one? Meeting him was nothing other than a fluke. A mishap. One blind step. That’s all it took for Ezra to sink his tendrils into them both. 

His eyes dart to his watch, a reflexive action. The heaviness that weighs over him is immediate. He doesn't even need to look to tell the time so he hates that he still does. Every time he looks, he hopes that it would have fixed itself miraculously. 

The state of the sky, the position of the stars, all tell him what he already knows. It's Ezra's turn to keep watch. Joel still isn’t sure why you trust Ezra the way that you do—hell, he’s not even sure why you trust him. 

Joel’s knees protest as he stands up, the rifle dangling from his shoulder. 

The inside of the tent is warm, both yours and Ezra’s scent filling the small space. Your sweetness mixes with his earthiness and iron. Joel shouldn’t be able to tell the difference. His heart shouldn’t start beating faster the more he breathes in. His tongue touches his bottom lip, something warm and heavy rolls in his stomach.

He’s halfway inside when his movements still, eyes dropping to Ezra who’s sleeping closer to the entrance. He’s sleeping in a fetal position, knees nearly touching his chest with his hands tucked underneath his head. Ezra’s soft snores are more audible inside. Joel can see the way his chest rises and falls. For a fleeting moment, Joel's mind plays tricks on him and he imagines that moonlight pours from above, illuminating Ezra's sleeping form in a soft glow. 

But there’s not. 

Joel steps inside, the flap fluttering closed behind him. He falls to his knees, watching. The back of Ezra’s shirt is rolled up, showcasing the dimples of his lower back. Even with only a patch of skin, Joel can see the scars. It’s easy to forget that the other man is actually a couple years younger than him.

He’s supposed to wake Ezra up but finds himself nestling closer instead. Joel lays down on his side, softly placing his arm on top of the other’s waist. That’s the only contact he allows himself. His scent is stronger at this distance. His arm raises with Ezra’s body every time he breathes in. Then out. Again, in… and out. A pleasant repeat of motion. 

What you said to him before the night echoes in his mind. You’re not even giving him a chance, you’d said with your hands cradling his face. It’s been a confusing month. The three of you entangled in each other both emotionally and physically. 

During all of those times, Joel never touched Ezra with love. He’d touched him with need, anger, grief. Never love. He just couldn’t. Ezra never said anything. He allowed Joel to take him rough, fuck him deep. The sounds the other made indicated to Joel that he enjoyed it, his moans stifled yet loud. 

The skin above his stomach grows tight, tingling. He feels a devastating tug at his own loins, a pressing reminder of what he needs. His cock twitches, wanting to be buried in that heat once more. Joel’s frustrations run deep; to him you were a twisted source of purity, touching you forced him to think, forced him to feel. But not Ezra, with him he could do anything. A scary, yet also exhilarating feeling. 

Joel cheats his hand under Ezra’s shirt. He traces the pads of his fingers up his abdomen, feeling every puckered scar that decorates his tanned skin. The other man shudders against him, instinctively pushing back to him until there’s no room to breathe. Joel hisses between clenched teeth. He drags his fingers over a nipple, traces the other, and continues to move up. Ezra’s chest heaves, pulse-quickening under Joel’s touch. 

He’s positive that Ezra’s awake now. But that doesn’t stop him from curling calloused fingers around the other man’s throat, squeezing, a warning to stay quiet. Without looking he knows Ezra’s smiling. He hates that crooked smile, the soft hints of amusement he gets in his eyes. 

The image is so vivid that Joel squeezes harder. Ezra’s ass presses firm against him, his cock throbs, hips stuttering forward. 

“Restless night?” Ezra asks, voice heavy with sleep. 

“Just need you to take me,” he grunts, grinding himself into the other. “Don’t talk, I don’t wanna wake her up,” 

“I’ll try but I make no promises. If she rouses from sleep that’s on you,” 

Joel’s hand slides up from Ezra’s throat to his mouth, silencing him. His lips feel soft against the roughness of his palm. His eyes move to you briefly, you’re still sleeping, your back turned. He drags his nose down the column of Ezra’s neck, taking deep breaths, he slips his other hand down Ezra’s sweatpants. Noticing how hard the other is already, he scoffs. Ezra was probably awake since Joel let himself inside. 

Joel’s strokes are rough and hard. The friction makes Ezra tremble, nostrils flaring, moans seeping into the heat of Joel’s palm. He swipes his thumb over the slit, making Ezra jolt. 

“Fuckin’ stay still,” he growls into the other’s skin. Ezra can only nod, shaking as Joel continues to drag his hand over the thick length. Ezra thrusts into his fist, teeth nipping the inside of the hand that covers his mouth. 

His own arousal hard and aching between his legs, Joel pulls back his hand and spits on his fingers. Ezra’s breath hitches at the wet sound, which makes Joel’s cock drip, precome smearing into the fabric of his boxers. One hand still above Ezra’s mouth, he grips the other’s waist and pins Ezra against him, rolling his hips again and again. 

Taking the hint, Ezra pushes down his sweatpants with shaky hands, kicking them down so they bunch around his ankles. With two wet fingers, Joel traces the rim of his quivering hole. He slips them inside, a tight fit, a bit dry. He pulls them out and spits again, Ezra’s groans vibrate against Joel’s skin. Sinking his fingers again, Joel moves them with shallow thrusts. 

“Fuck, so damn tight,” Joel rasps. Ezra’s whimpers become louder, his eyes nervously fixated on your sleeping figure. “You ready to take me?” 

Joel doesn’t wait for an answer and pulls out his fingers, but Ezra nods anyway. They both know what this is. They both know why Joel asks that. He asks it every time. A weak attempt to peel himself away from feeling any kind of remorse for using someone else for his own relief. 

Ezra doesn’t seem to care though. With a curled spine he grinds himself and feels Joel’s shaft, precome sticks to his skin, the movements wetting the other’s cock. His own length aches painfully, heavy between his legs. Ezra watches you, eyes falling to your ass. He wants to grab a fistful of the tender flesh, pull you close, and fuck you as Joel buries his grief into him—

You start to stir, making both men freeze. The fat head of Joel’s cock is notched at his entrance, throbbing as Ezra’s insides threaten to swallow him whole. Joel’s fingers bite into Ezra’s cheeks. Both of them watch you with wide eyes, heads swimming in half arousal and half anxiety. You slowly turn and tuck your hands under your head, closed eyes facing Ezra’s wide ones. 

Joel snaps his hips forward, sinking into the other man’s heat completely. An unwilling groan vibrates in his throat and he stifles it by biting the inside of his cheek. Joel, with his hand firm over Ezra’s mouth, pumps in quick, deep strokes until he feels his legs start to shake. He swears Ezra is trying to suffocate him, suck him dry with how tight he is. The other flutters around him, clenching and releasing his cock as he tries to desperately accommodate his size. 

Tears gather in Ezra’s eyes, he blinks them away, and breathes heavily from his nose. Joel is not a small man by any means, clenching on the thickness. He stretches him wide, the pain mixes with the pleasure, a harmonizing symphony that short-circuits his brain. Joel pushes and pulls, guiding Ezra at his pace. Your sleeping face is blurred to him, the corner of his vision fading to black like a vignette. Joel’s hand slides down to Ezra’s chest, fingers spreading over his heated skin. 

Ezra’s mouth drops open to a gape almost immediately, heavy pants, and silent moans growing loud. Joel’s pacing is fast, cock hitting deep as he rocks his hips forward. He drags his lips down to Ezra’s shoulder, biting into his skin. His sprawled fingers close over Ezra’s nipple, giving it a sharp pinch that makes him hiss. 

Joel’s eyes are glued to you, your eyelids starting to flutter. But he can’t possibly care when the lust fills the cracks of his soul, a faux sense of peace makes his heart swell. He doesn’t care that Ezra’s moans become louder, he doesn’t care when the other wraps his fingers around his cock and starts to despertly fist himself. 

Joel only focuses on himself, his aching cock and need. His skin grows taut over his muscles, movements becoming strained and uncoordinated. He drills into him, balls tight with his fingers imprinting on the other’s skin. 

“S-Shit— Joel,” Ezra gasps, brows pinched together and eyes rolling back. “H-Harder—” 

They both know you are bound to wake up soon.

You feel warmth between your legs. Your dreams coat your skin with a heat that makes it tingle. You hear moans, wet sounds echoing in the tent. You swipe your tongue over your bottom lip. The inside of your mouth is like sandpaper. Is it morning already? 

Your eyes flutter open and Ezra’s face slowly comes into view. He’s groaning and you think it’s because he’s in pain, but when your vision clears up you see reality as it is. 

Your face burns when you see his expression in its full glory; mouth wide open, eyes glazed over with pleasure, brows furrowed as he rocks back and forth. First, you think he’s touching himself, but then there’s a flash in the dark, Joel catching your eyes over Ezra’s shoulder, staring directly at you. There’s something ravenous in his eyes, something that you can only describe as animalistic. He thrusts into Ezra hard when he catches your gaze, knocking the air out from Ezra’s lungs and making him moan right into your face. 

It’s a wanton sound. A choked-out voice that goes straight to your cunt, arousal pools between the plush of your thighs, you’re already wet. Neither of them seems bothered by you. In fact, they seem to be stirred on by it. Joel holds your gaze, only fucking into Ezra harder. The younger man’s eyes are squeezed tight, his cock bobs heavy and dark between his thighs. 

Your pussy pounds between your legs. Your gaze drops to Ezra’s length. It looks delectable. The head a warm flush of red, precum glistening at the tip, begging to be touched. A whine pulls you away from the sight, and you see that Ezra’s eyes are now open—barely, that is. You can see tears filling his lashline, dark eyes observing you between narrowed lids. 

“Little bird,” he moans, wets his lips, and swallows. “Touch me, please,” 

Your eyes move to Joel, he’s not staring at you anymore. With every thrust, you feel Ezra jolt. The urge to touch yourself rather than Ezra is much greater as Joel begins to pepper the other man’s skin with open-mouthed kisses, you see a bit of tongue poking between chapped lips. You’re not sure why, but you feel jealous almost. Joel’s lips are a form of blessing, something he did as a reward, be it done consciously or not.

With little hesitation, you wrap your fingers around Ezra’s shaft. The man’s head falls back, his hips stuttering in an almost manic way. Coming closer, you close your lips around his trembling adam’s apple, kissing a path that goes all the way to his parted lips. You slip a tongue. Groaning into his mouth, you swipe your palm over the head and smear precome down his length. Every time Joel rocks into him, he buries himself further into your fist. 

It’s so intimate seeing Ezra like this. Pleasure is good on everyone, and to be witnessing it in its full glory makes you want to string him along the edge as long as you can. Sweat coats his face and you feel a tremor in his thighs. He’s completely powerless. You suck on his tongue, lick yourself into his mouth, and nip at his bottom lip. The sounds he makes are unfiltered, debouched. 

You stroke him faster, harder. Wet noises echo from your palm, a sticky mess between your bodies. You’re breathing jaggedly into eachother’s mouths, you squeeze the base of his cock and he gasps. 

“Are you gonna come for us?” you ask into his mouth, a heavy drop of precum slides down your knuckles, making you smile. “Such a good man,” 

Ezra’s reaction to your words is visceral. With a newfound eagerness, he molds his lips into yours, again and again, he sucks the air from your lungs. You press your legs together, hips rocking in a weak attempt for friction. 

Suddenly Ezra’s entire body seizes and he parts from you with a sharp gasp. You don’t need to look to see but you do so anyway. His cock throbs and twitches in your palm, he spills over your fingers, come seeping into the fabric of your shirt. You continue to stroke his oversensitive shaft, your gaze finding Joel’s. 

Joel fucks himself deeper into Ezra, pushing all three of you closer together. You lean towards him, and he licks the seam of your lips before indulging in you fully. Ezra continues to sway back and forth with Joel’s thrusts, you continue to glide your hand over his cock, short pants, and hisses falling from Ezra’s lips. 

Joel’s hips stutter, spilling into the younger man as he flicks his tongue over yours, sucking your bottom lip between his teeth. You let out a sharp hiss when he sinks his teeth, he doesn’t draw blood but the sensitive flesh throbs like he has. Joel feels the warm drip of his own release trickling down, the sensation making him thrust deeper.

You’re aching for them both. A hunger crackling over your skin and warming your neck. Joel doesn’t pull out, soft growls trembles in his chest, hands moving down and squeezing Ezra’s hip. The latter is on the verge of blacking out, his breathing uneven, eyes glossed over. 

Bur despite it all, Ezra manages to move closer to you. He nuzzles your chest, teeth tiredly nipping the swell of your breasts. 

“That was quite the way to wake up,” you murmur, your need to comfort Ezra pushing you to cord your fingers within his short hair, damp with sweat. 

Neither of them answer. Ezra smiles into your skin while Joel averts his gaze, finally pulling out and uncaringly cleaning the mess he made with the first thing he found. 

The minutes later Ezra pulls himself together, leaving the tent with wobbly legs and exhaustion in his eyes. Joel shows his true colors then, pulling you close and laying his chin over your head. He cups your ass with both hands, kneading the muscle. 

“Do you want me to?” he asks, guiding your hips into a sloppy roll. He’s still soft. 

You shake your head, “No. I just want us to rest,” 

Joel nods but continues to touch you. You didn’t lie. The thing the most of you need is rest—but you allow him to do as he pleases. You say nothing when he pushes a hand beneath the band of your panties, sliding two fingers up the wet seam of your slit. A satisfied sight leaves your lips. 

Joel has a habit of thinking he’s unreadable, but over the months you can say that you know him fairly well. What he can take from Ezra, he can’t from you. You know that. Ezra knows that. Joel is the only one who isn’t aware just how abundantly you two know him. Not that it matters. 

You just want him to let go. Allow himself to feel without remorse. 

A dream that will probably never come true. 

[sunnydbeam]

Introducing Skater!Eclipse & Glitch

Both are best friends, gossips and professional skateboarders who spend most of their free time in a corner of their favorite skatepark watching other skateboarders to record them and upload the videos to the internet. Eclipse and Glitch maintain a "tough guy" facade, making them look intimidating and causing people to avoid them most of the time. However, they are not capable of harming anyone, they simply have a bad habit of staring from a distance. Eclipse and Glitch will always keep up with the latest news. If you've missed something, ask them! They also like to dig into the lives of people they find interesting, just out of curiosity.

Both are clumsy and share a single neuron. Neither of them know how to interact properly, so they pretend to ignore you so as not to admit that they are too shy, especially Eclipse.

While Eclipse is the more rational one, Glitch is the one with the good ideas, although his friend always interrupts him before he can come up with them.

For some reason both are always tense and defensive, as if they think you're coming to fight them or something.

ECLIPSE: is a former model of robot caregiver, tasked with caring for the elderly and people with disabilities. Several years ago he was decommissioned and scrapped to make room for the updated versions that would eventually replace him. Eclipse managed to escape the landfill he was thrown into, repairing his dismembered body with scrap metal and discordant parts that surrounded him.

Eclipse feels great rejection for himself and his body because of this. Being discarded, he considers himself unhelpful, unneeded, even calling himself "ugly" or a "piece of junk" regardless of whether anyone else is listening to him, or if they are even going to refute him. However, he has great confidence in his skateboarding skills, the one thing that gives him self-confidence, which makes him proud. Eclipse just wants to prove to himself that he is good at something, that he can be enough.

He is shy and somewhat coarse with words, but he has a kind and sweet heart. His memory tends to fail, so he often forgets names or faces. His battery always seems to be on the verge of dying, which gives him a sleepy appearance (Eclipse claims he is unable to get a replacement for his model), and he tends to shut down at the worst time. Eclipse is passionate about photography and repairing things when he is feeling anxious.

Eclipse has a habit of saying or doing things out of context or without apparent explanation. Also, he will always try to ask for an explanation for everything, becoming somewhat insistent.

Despite not feeling any kind of rancor, opting for a few jokes, Eclipse still feels uncomfortable if a human is near or touches him.

Eclipse can't help but help the elderly with their shopping bags or to cross the street when he's just passing by.

GLITCH: was a robot used to entertain large children's parties just two years ago. He was good with children, but suffered from some flaws that made him somewhat unstable, such as losing his temper or breaking things. He was often picked on by teenagers as he was easy to anger, until one day, in the middle of a party, Glitch was accidentally pushed out of a window after being kicked, throwing him 50 feet in the air and causing serious damage to his body. Noticing that no one was coming to help him, Glitch crawled into an alley and extinguished there. He would later meet Eclipse, the one who would find him and repair him (certainly touched by the scene that reminded him so much of himself) to then quickly become his best friend.

Eclipse showed Glitch the world of skateboarding, which he quickly latched onto. Glitch always felt indebted to him, which made him overprotective and loving. He loves to compliment Eclipse to make him feel less belittled and holds him in very high regard. He calls him "cute" or "adorable" without any shame. Part of his suspicious behavior is due to the fact that many people approach Eclipse to make fun of his appearance, so he will always try to scare people away with tough behavior.

Glitch is cheerful, fun, full of energy and can be somewhat cocky at times, especially if he is trying to impress. He is sweet and likes physical contact much more than he appears to. Glitch is a street artist who will always look for a blank space to graffiti, and a good singer. His dream is to participate in a Broadway musical.

Sun > Moon > Eclipse & Glitch > Y/N > Total Eclipse > Glamrocks

[ccghastly]

Van der Linde fellas react to an Asexual S/O

GN Reader

Arthur, John, Hosea, Dutch, Bill, Sean, Charles, Javier

Written w/ the reader being non sex-repulsed, but nothing explicit

I take requests! Feel free to ask!

Arthur

I hc Arthur as Demisexual, so he probably understands the easiest. The further you get into your explanation the more things start clicking in his head.

There are multiple confused rambling passages in his journal as he tries to think through this reality you've introduced to him.

Expect him to get very tactile as he seeks comfort and anchors himself while his thoughts get sorted.

Gets even more confused than normal when you call him sexy or say something he does is attractive, but does quickly catch on to the idea of mental vs physical attraction.

Now asks if this is okay before doing anything he thinks may be pushing you. Which, until you establish your hard limits, will be everything. Very sweet, 1001 check ins for 1001 kisses.

"Still Alright?" . "I'm Alright."

John

Does not understand and fully willing to accept that. Still supportive though.

He does not want to mess this up, so the reigns are now fully in your hands. Hope you were ready to wear the pants of this relationship, cause what you say goes.

He backpeddles a bit too far and you'll now have to initiate everything, unless you manage to convince him otherwise.

He 100% tries to get advice from Arthur, but doesn't want to out you, so he just poses more and more obscure hypotheticals. Until they're both mindlessly arguing and Hosea has to come break them up.

Hosea

Fully supportive from the start.

You are not the first Ace he's met, not even the fifth.

He'll tell you a few stories and crack a few jokes

"Probably for the best with me getting up in age, not sure I could keep up with your youthful vigor."

The both of you have been caught on several occasions reading explicit books to make fun of the maneuvers and tropes.

"It's a good thing people don't buy these for the plot!"

You are the sickenly sweet couple that never seems to leave the honeymoon phase, sweet kisses, holding hands, pet names, cuddling by the fire. The whole shebang.

Dutch

Does not understand, May accuse you of making it up or being dramatic

Is the kind of guy to insist you just haven't had good sex yet, but fear not he's willing to help you.

Had heard of it, but thought it was in the same vein as husbands saying they have a headache and wives saying they have their monthlies. Saying no without having to say no.

If you drag Hosea into it, Dutch will probably concede that you're not lying and apologize, but don't expect him to fully be on the same page with you.

Bill

(tw for allusions to noncon against an offscreen character, that is not the Reader or Bill)

Gets real quiet, then asks you to explain it again, then again, and again once more.

Asks a few tentative questions, then gently asks to hold you

"Did somethin' happen, someone hurt you?"

You rush to explain that, no you're perfectly fine, nothing happened. You just don't seem to feel lust the way most folk do.

He breathes a big sigh of relief, slumping down and gathering you close in his lap to hold you tight.

He explains that while he was in the army, he'd known some people that had been real similar, but only after some real bad stuff had happened to them.

Bill now mooches cuddles from you like they're being rationed.

Sitting down? It's on his lap. Standing up? His arm's around your waist. Walking to town? You're holding hands. Going to bed? Meet your new blanket.

Sean

Error 404 Sean.exe has stopped working.

Not wanting/needing Sex?? He does not understand.

You'll need to explain multiple times, over multiple days. Then explain again when he gets your explanations twisted up in his head.

"You don't want sex, but we can have sex? You'd do that just to make me feel nice??"

He feels blessed, he's dating the sweetest person to walk this earth. No other person can compare, and he's ready to shout it from the rooftops. Tried it once with a saloon when he was a few pints too deep, Arthur had to rescue him after he got stuck and started crying.

Thought he was gonna die up there and never get to see you again

Charles

Very Understanding, did ask for a few clarifications, but believed what you were explaining the whole time.

Not comfortable asking for penetrative sex, but if you want to watch or help him find his pleasure he's fully willing.

Unending cuddles from this man.

Makes him feel kinda guilty, but he really enjoys getting to touch you with no stress about taking it up a level.

Gets even more protective of you when people try to push their luck, you'll never be groped again, no ones dumb enough to try with him glaring over your shoulder.

Once knocked a guy out for lewdly catcalling you.

Javier

Tries to be supportive, but does not understand.

Will occasionally try to get you in the mood and you'll have to explain it to him once again.

When he finally gets it, he swerves hard into romance.

If he can't express his adoration for you physically, he'll do it how he knows best

He is going to charm your socks off.

There's compliments, there's flowers, there's serenading, there's moonlit strolls, picnics in flower fields, candle lit dinners, sweet kisses 24/7, and the Flirting! The flirting never stops!

You never knew so many pickup lines exsisted and for so many situations, but you're about to find out.

(Based on my own experiences being and coming out as Ace, please be kind)

[mistralxsoul]

@bravewolfvesperia:

Oh there was... but he wasn't about to admit it to the very guy himself who he had started this over. It was almost as if Yuri had been in the wrong with how quickly he had ceased his argument with the other man, but both of them knew that wasn't it at all. The silence was Yuri proving his point. Whether or not Flynn was truly coming to this stranger's defense Yuri didn't know, but the other man's complaints were rendered invalid just by Flynn's words themselves. Nagging over the knights, insisting they had no business getting involved in so many affairs not related to them, acting like every knight was only in it for themselves... Before he had stopped to think and pull himself away from the situation, Yuri had already found himself firing back. As ever, he had acted before his rational line of thought could catch up. While he wasn't specific on details, he had still found himself coming to Flynn's verbal defense. In fact, doing so at all had been an annoying instinctual habit, seeing as he'd only recently just walked out of that inn after Flynn had gotten under his skin. Being unable to face him because of that would have to be tossed right out the window now too, seeing as Flynn had already made his way back into Yuri's line of sight. "Reason enough." His eyes didn't leave the other man though - more out of an uncertainty in his readiness to look at Flynn so soon, but he addressed the aggravated individual immediately after. "Look how right you were about all that, huh?" No doubt that his previous altercation with Flynn already left him on edge, but it made this whole thing even stupider to Yuri. They had argued and Yuri had walked out, and here he was not even an hour later running to the lieutenant's defense before some idiot tarnished his name and reputation to the people of Torim. Instead of waiting for a response, Yuri rolled his eyes and walked away from them. It was more at himself than either of them, but he wasn't ready to admit to Flynn that after being verbally cornered by him that the first instinct he had to someone badmouthing him was to get into an argument in his favor. Sometimes he could swear his own temper was just downright embarrassing.

Flynn knew trouble when he saw it. He had grown up with his fair share of it, after all but it seemed like between him and Yuri, trouble seemed to follow the latter more than it followed him. He wasn't sure if Yuri willingly went looking for trouble or if he was genuinely as cursed as he joked about but it really felt like it was going to give him an aneurysm one of these days.

It had barely been two hours since he had last seen Yuri and their conversation had not ended on a good note, to put it lightly. Not that Flynn could really blame Yuri for being angry. Flynn was plenty angry too. Not at Yuri, of course, though he would be lying if he wasn't frustrated.

He was frustrated at a lot but the core of the problem was the fact that Ragou was able to get away scott free. And Flynn hated that he had no choice but to let him go. Yuri has obviously been less than pleased and sure enough, they had gotten into yet another argument that had Yuri storming out of the inn room.

He hadn't expected to come across Yuri again so soon after that though he couldn't say he was too surprised to see Yuri in a confrontation with another man; Someone from the Guilds perhaps? They were in the territory.

Yuri had looked pretty angry about something and it looked like a fight could break out in any moment and... the last thing Flynn wanted was for Yuri to get involved in even more trouble. So he butt in and now he's wishing he had chosen a different sentence to say. "I'm sure there's a rational explanation behind upsetting this person?"

He had wanted to take Yuri's side instantly. He always did. But as a Knight, he couldn't pick a side so easily without hearing the full story. He couldn't play favorites, no matter how badly he wanted to. So he hoped that Yuri would give him a reason to take his side and...

Instead, Yuri remained vague and fled the scene and Flynn was about ready to throw something. "Yuri-- Wait--" He called out, mentally cursing as he moved to follow.

A small mutter from the offender behind him caused him to pause in his movements ("Psch, all I see is a kiss ass to the empire...") and Flynn had to physically bite his tongue to not turn around and slug the man right then and there for his comment directed towards Yuri (because when has Yuri ever been a kiss ass to anything related to the Knights?). Instead, he forced himself to leave the area, pursuing his friend.

"Yuri!" He called out and he really didn't mean to sound as angry as he did, dammit, why did he keep doing this--?! "Come back here-- Please."

[undercoverpena]

i just gotta say that helen and ghost give me the vibe of "one fell first(helen) but the other fell harder(ghost), i dunno but maybe it's also because i like that trope and given their history they share so, ofc correct me if i am wrong 🤭

well, anon. let’s discuss…

helen did fall first. it wasn’t at their first interaction, although, hands on his cheekbones, his eyes staring up at her as she sews—she’s not sure how she didn’t. but it was in the small moments after, when he sought her out, when he made small comments and offered her army jokes. she liked the fish one the best.

and then he called her helen. her eyes narrowing, his lips curling, and the explanation meeting the air like treacle as she fought the urge to rip his mask up and kiss him. thankfully he kissed her first, and then it became a pattern, a habit. her spine on the back of his door, him on his back in his cot—a bathroom, a cupboard, a dark corner on base. the location changed but his hands always gripping her the same way, always made her emit a soft gasp as he fucked her day away. but, he was a sergeant and she’s a combat medic—two things which couldn’t happen. but did so, over and over again.

like all good things, it was tainted. the edges singed with words that should never have been said. her heart in pieces, ego bruised, and her confidence rocked. it was easier to walk away than face him, even if it made her a coward.

it wasn’t until she transferred—the bitter taste of his words still clinging to the back of his teeth and her look burned into the back of his eyes each time he blinked—did ghost realise how he felt. how he’d come to miss her bent over the small desk shared by all the medics, missed her cheeriness in the mess, in the medical bay. a single, insistent thought appearing he couldn’t shake: she’d embedded herself into him.

all of it, the two of them, was more than lonely nights and writhing bodies. he liked her company, liked her touch against his skin—even innocently. he also liked her laugh, that her jokes were awful and his made her lips pursed as she fought rewarding him with a laugh. it took him a long time to find a way to bury her in the back of his mind, and then—

price spoke of her. his knowing eyes staring at him, and then she was back. a little older, a little wiser—and a lot more snarky. when they collided, they tried to be cautious—her especially. it hurt, ached, and gnawed at her how hard it had been to get over him. not knowing he never had been able to. not really. he’d lay with others, he’d laughed, made jokes. but… it was never her—never his helen. and deep down he had known, even before her name was mentioned that it would be hard to stuff her down again.

so, the first time he laid eyes on her, he knew he’d have to have her in some way—whether as friends or as something more.

because the simon under the ghost loved her before ghost did.

the man she pulled from him like nothing anyone else had done in a while. soap was close—price closer than that. but no one was like her. no one made him lose his mind, ignoring all rational thoughts if he couldn’t find her. which is why he’d charged, sprinted and fucking slammed into her to save her on that mission. it was also the reason when she was under him, staring up at him, did the Simon inside of him know he was in love with her.

and then ghost realised it when she stood up, eyes avoiding his, walking away from him—back to the others.

[favefandomimagines]

Lucky Charm 1 (b.b)

Summary: Kimberly ‘Clover’ Kazansky was the spitting image of her father. A legend in the Navy, being the youngest receiver of the Top Gun trophy in history. But having that title comes with it’s own personal tribulations.

Tribulations such as Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw. Five years older than Kimberly and yet assumed that she held more cards than he did. For years he blamed her for not informing him of Maverick pulling his papers. Destroying their friendship in the process. And yet she still couldn’t shake the feelings she had for him, nor his for her.

AN: here it is!! The full first chapter of my Bradley Bradshaw series!! Again, it’ll follow the basic plot of Top Gun: Maverick but some dialogue and scenes will vary!

Part 2

Kimberly never saw herself as better than any other pilot. She didn’t think she was better than anyone else or knew more just because her dad was an admiral.

People say she was born under a lucky star. Always having missions and deployments go in her favor without even trying. Her first week in flight school during a rather tough exercise, Kimberly flew in a way no had seen since the days of her father.

She was lucky. If anyone had even attempted the maneuver she did, it wouldn’t have ended well. Giving her the call sign Clover.

The so called lucky charm of the United States Navy.

Kimberly was more than confused when she got a text from her dad saying he wanted to talk. It’s never a good thing when a parent says “I want to talk.” She didn’t recall any recent insubordination or any risky flight maneuvers that her superiors would inform her father about.

When she arrived to her childhood home, her younger siblings playing catch in the yard, her mother came outside to meet her.

“Whatever it was I did to get in trouble, I swear there is a very rational and understandable explanation to my behavior.” Kimberly spoke. “You’re not in trouble.” Her mother laughed.

“Am I going in to see the admiral or dad?” Kimberly asked. “The admiral.” The woman answered. “Oh yeah, I’m in trouble.” Kimberly muttered.

She walked inside and towards her father’s office, the sound of coughing alerting her.

Kimberly had been the one out of her siblings to take their father’s illness the hardest. The two had a very special bond that no one could really explain. Kimberly was the definition of a daddy’s girl and she had Iceman Kazansky wrapped around her finger.

No one knew that the cancer came back and she knew it was only a matter of time.

“Permission to enter, admiral?” Kimberly joked. Iceman smiled at his daughter as he typed his response. “Permission granted.” It said.

“I don’t know what it is I did to have someone snitch to my dad but I swear I probably had a good reason. For whatever it is I did.” She said.

‘You’re not in trouble. I want to talk to you about a special detachment.’

Kimberly furrowed her eyebrows for a moment, wondering what could be so special they needed her for it.

‘You’re being called back to Top Gun. You and 12 other pilots.’

“Really? What’s the mission?” Kimberly asked.

‘Your instructor will tell you that.’

“Wait, if they’re calling back the best of the best that means he’s going to be there too.” She said.

‘Yes he is. Maybe nows your chance to reconcile.’

“Dad, he hates me. He thinks I knew about what Uncle Mav did and he never gave me a chance to explain. He’s the one who messed up not me.” The light haired woman spoke.

‘You’ve always been the bigger person, Kimmy.’

Kimberly sighed, hating to admit that her dad was right. “But the things he said really hurt. I mean, we were so close before and he just tossed it away.” She said solemnly.

‘Then make him listen. You were always good at that too.’

Kimberly chuckled lightly at her father’s words before she sighed. “Are you sure I’m cut out for this mission? I’m not just going because of you?“ She asked.

‘Cyclone asked for your personally.’

“Oh well then no pressure.” She muttered.

‘You’re a Kazansky. Flying is in your blood, you can do this.’

Kimberly nodded her head before her dad began to stand up, refusing his daughter’s help.

“Dad,” She started before the man pulled her in for an embrace. “I love you, kid.” He replied, his voice raspy. “I love you too. I’ll make you proud.” Kimberly said. “You’ve been doing that since the day you were born.” The man said.

After a few more moments with her family, Kimberly headed in the direction of the infamous Hard Deck.

She hadn’t been there since her first time at Top Gun. But she was intrigued to see who the other 10 pilots who would be training for this mission.

Kimberly walked into the bustling establishment and examined the room. But before she could even acknowledge the familiar faces, one sitting at the bar caught her eye.

“So, Uncle Mav, which admiral is mad at you this time?” She questioned, announcing her presence.

Maverick turned his head in the direction of her voice, looking at her with wide eyes. “Why am I not surprised to see you here?” The man asked with a small laugh.

“I’m assuming you’re not at North Island for a trip down memory lane. You’re the instructor for this detachment.” She said. “You always were the smartest person in the room.” Maverick replied.

Kimberly smiled and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “How’s your dad?” He asked. “You know him. Puts on a brave face, doesn’t want to worry mom.” She said.

“He’s a fighter, he can do this. Who do you think you get that quality from?” Maverick said. Kimberly gave him a warm smile before it faltered slightly. “Bradley’s going to be here.” She said.

“I know. Admiral Simpson debriefed me this morning.” The man said. “What are we going to do?” Kimberly asked. “You’re going to fly. Don’t worry about me and don’t worry about Bradley. You were chosen to be here, don’t let those feelings get in the way of what you do best.” Maverick answered.

The woman nodded her head before Maverick told her to go see her friends.

Kimberly looked at everyone there and recognized a few faces. “Clover? Is that you?” She heard a voice question. The second she saw Phoenix, Kimberly instantly relaxed. “Oh thank god. I was hoping you’d be here.” Kimberly greeted the other woman.

The two shared a hug, Phoenix introducing her to Payback, Bob and Fanboy.

“Kazansky, why am I not surprised to see you?” Hangman spoke. Kimberly looked at the pilot and rolled her eyes. “You really think they’d call back the best of the best and not include me? You’re even more delusional than I thought.” Kimberly replied.

“Ah, come on Clover. We all know you’re just here to make me look good.” Hangman said. “No, I’m here to make you look like an amateur. Which is what you are, compared to me.” Kimberly sassed back.

“Wait, you’re Clover Kazansky? Admiral Kazansky’s daughter? You’re legendary.” Bob commented. “She’s only legendary because her daddy’s the Commander.” Hangman quipped back.

“Or maybe she’s legendary because that’s what she is; a legend.” Another voice entered the conversation.

Kimberly didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. “Bradshaw, as I live and breathe.” Hangman said. “Hangman. You look good.” Rooster replied. “Oh I am good.” Hangman replied.

Kimberly didn’t stick around long enough to hear the rest of his annoyingly arrogant comment, as she moved back to the bar to get a drink. A drink that was apparently on Maverick’s tab.

“Clover.” A voice said. “Bradshaw.” She said. “You look good. How have you been?” Rooster asked.

Kimberly paused for a moment, trying to decipher if Rooster was really trying to make small talk with her after what went down between them

“Are we really going to do this?” She questioned lowly. “Kim,” Rooster started. “Im here for one reason and one reason only. To fly this mission. You made it perfectly clear that you want nothing to do with me, now I’m returning the favor.” Kimberly stated.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I want to fix things?” He asked. “No. Because you can’t take back what you said.” She answered sadly before walking back over to Phoenix and Bob.

Bradley watched as Kimberly walked away from him. Taking him back to the night she walked away from him for good.

He has realized how ridiculous and stupid it was to blame Kimberly for something she had no say in. Part of him assumed she knew, Maverick told Ice about pulling his papers and she knew.

Bradley didn’t know how stupid that sounded until it was too late. He said awful things to her, undermined her ability to be a pilot. Kimberly was right; he couldn’t take back the things he said.

But he was hell bent on trying.

Taglist: @n3ssm0nique @glowingtree @mmkkzz @alanadetigy @letusbewildflowers @justanothermagicalsara @azure23x @luckyladycreator2 @barista-library @alana4610 @kyramaximoff @harperrbradshaw

[zuffer-weird-girl]

HI, IM SO SORRY but Tumblr said that my first request had a bad gateway and I'm re-typing it to be sure---

so basically I imagined kai with a s/o who just acts on impulse said impulses being setting things on fire and randomly shooting things, bcz it's their said way of stimulating themselves? so sorry if it doubled but once again, I hope you have a great day drink water, and don't forget to take breaks!!

(Ps, I absolutely ADORE your works scrolling touch each one rn!!)

^w^ you're so sweet I hope you're having a good day

"Huh. Intrusive thoughts that took action... that's interesting."

No jokes, this ass would say that to himself the first time he catches on what your behavior is all about.

And honestly? As long as you don't get hurt by one of your shenanigans he won't care much.

One time you just felt like it what would happen if you yanked Rappa's face mask off and he was laughing at the reaction of the buff.

Of course he was laughing inside because this man has to keep up his image and bla bla bla🙄

But... when it comes to other, let's say, dangerous things....

You make this stoic sociopath have a mini heart attack.

Every. Single. Time.

He won't get used to it.

The first time this happened was when he was reading a book but suddenly he sniffed the smell of something burning....

That's weird... he doesn't remember any subordinates having a fire quirk...

Soon he noticed the room getting a bit... foggy.

"What the-" he soon spotted you with a lighter on a hand while one thing he couldn't notice of was burning as you watched it "(Y/N) PUT THAT DOWN-"

It was a bit dramatic of him to get a fire extinguisher just to put out a small fire? Yeah, but he panicked seeing his loved one near a fire ok?

"What were you thinking?!" He would almost shout while you stood there with a sorry look.

It there was one thing he regretted the most on his life was when he took you with Chrono to let the man teach you how to use a gun.

While in the middle of the explanation both of men FLINCHED when the sudden gunshot echoed and with your wide eyes you just giggled out a "ah so that's how ot works" before proceeding to shut at random places

He just hopes it doesn't bring troubles for the hassaikai later.

He knows that this one of the coping methods you have to stimulate yourself but sometimes he just wishes you could pick something more at ease like... maybe water colors?

He doesn't have any idea how this works... he is more of rational and methods guy than a emotional one... so you already expect that he is basically shit with emotions and other stuff like that.

He tries the best he can to distract you to not happen something that could put you in danger....

But yet recently he had to put out a fire on his living room before examining your whole body for any injuries or burns.

You will probably give this 28 years old guy gray hairs before his 40....

Don't worry, if he keeps treating you and taking you away from that or just plenty distracting you it means this dude is head over heels for ya.

Even if he doesn't loudly admit it.

[zerogate]

In another example, researchers presented the word walk to a patient's right brain only. The patient immediately responded to the request and stood up and started to leave the van in which the testing was taking place. When the patient's left brain (language side) was asked why he got up to walk, again the interpreter came up with a plausible but completely incorrect explanation: “I'm going into the house to get a Coke.”

In another exercise, the word laugh was presented to the right brain and the patient complied. When asked why she was laughing, her left brain responded by cracking a joke: “You guys come up and test us each month. What a way to make a living!” Remember, the correct answer here would have been, “I laughed because you asked me to.”

Think about the significance of this for a moment. The left brain was simply making up interpretations, or stories, for events that were happening in a way that made sense to that side of the brain (a shovel is needed for a chicken coop) or as if it had directed the action (I got up because I needed a drink, or I laughed at my own joke). Neither of these explanations was true, but that was unimportant to the interpretive mind, which was convinced that its explanations were the correct ones.

Dr. V. S. Ramachandran, one of the most innovative neuroscientists of the twentieth century, shared a theory of the left brain that is very similar to Gazzaniga's. After conducting his own experiments, Ramachandran found that the left brain's role is one of beliefs and interpretation and that it had little regard for reality in making up its interpretations.

For instance, Ramachandran's experiments included subjects whose right brain was severely damaged—leaving the left side of the body paralyzed. With this level of damage to the right brain, the left brain is effectively running the show. When Ramachandran asked one affected subject if she could move her paralyzed left hand, she replied, “Yes. It's not paralyzed.”

Another one of Ramachandran's subjects claimed that her paralyzed left arm was actually stronger than her right and that she could lift a large table an inch and a half off the ground with it. Others used rationalization as an explanation for the paralysis. They would say things like “I don't want to move my arm, it hurts,” or, “The medical students have been prodding me all day and I don't want to move it right now.”

As in the studies of Gazzaniga, the left brain was simply making up a story about reality without any regard for the truth. Over the last forty years, several additional studies have shown that the left side of the brain excels at creating an explanation for what's going on, even if it isn't correct. The truth is that your left brain has been interpreting reality for you your whole life, and if you are like most people, you have never understood the full implications of this.

For example, in another classic study, people who think, perceive, and behave in ways considered normal were given a choice of a number of similar items and were asked which they liked the best. Most people are unaware that we have a right-side preference; that is, if you have a number of similar items in front of you, you will have a tendency to prefer the thing on the right.

In this study, the researchers noted this tendency. However, when asked, “Why do you like that item?” no one said it was because of a preference for where it was placed. Again, the left brain created a fictitious but plausible theory, and the subjects would say things like, “I just like the color,” or, “I just like the texture of that one.” Beyond that, when confronted with the reality—that a right-side preference is natural in most normal human brains—virtually all subjects denied it and disbelieved it. Some even implied that the experimenter was a “madman.”

Their brain could not handle the idea that they had chosen something not because of what their inner pilot self actually preferred, but due to an arbitrary criterion. This broke through the ego addiction's fog, and for most people this can be a jarring and uncomfortable experience.

-- Chris Niebauer, No Self, No Problem

[heyheydidjaknow]

At about 1 am last night I was struck with the overwhelming urge to write this. I don’t like that fact but it is a fact regardless. The title doesn’t make it obvious, but this is a yandere venti X reader, so check the warnings if you’re worried about that sort of thing.

Good Wine

All things considered, he thought he had done a solid job. Sure, the rug was not the prettiest thing in the world, the bed little more than a sack of hay and a blanket and the walls lacking in any sort of decoration, but considering the circumstances, he thought his efforts were, if nothing else, apparent. He had taken the time, as some might not have, to place things around the room he thought you would like, from a stack of books taken from your personal collection to lamps and candles— which he had paid a good amount for— that he considered to be your style. There were still more things to do, of course, chairs and pillows to make this feel like an apartment more than a glorified prison cell, but those things would come in good time. He wanted your input on those sorts of things regardless; this was still your living space as much as it was his.

“So.” He set his head on his knees. “I’m sure you have questions.”

You were not screaming. That was a good sign, probably. Not that it would matter; the two of you were so far out and away from the city that even if you did scream nobody would be around to hear it. Seeing as you did not know that, though, it gave him something like hope. Perhaps it was possible that you would not be as opposed to this arrangement as he has previously assumed.

Your voice was soft, shaky. “Where am I?”

“Old Mondstadt.” There was no reason to be dishonest. “Higher up than one would typically venture, especially without a vision. Secrecy, for obvious reasons, is important, so this should allow us a bit of privacy while you get accustomed to your environment.” He smiled. “I wouldn’t recommend trying to leave, though; it’s a very far drop at a very steep angle, and I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.”

You were not tied up. Still, you made no effort to try to attack him. You looked out towards the mouth of this modified cave to check if he was lying. He was not. “Why am I here?”

His knees fell outward as he crisscrossed his legs, setting a sack in front of him. You watched him carefully– as if he would take this opportunity, of all times, to hurt you– as he pulled out a loaf of bread, a block of cheese, four apples, two cups and a bottle. He thought it a good idea, when his plan was originally decided upon, to take the time and money to get the two of you a very expensive bottle of wine as a show of good will; of all the things in what he hoped would become your new home, he had spent the most money on this. He uncorked it, pouring a conservative portion into each of your cups before setting one down in front of you, the rest of the food put between you and him.

You eyed the cup suspiciously.

He tossed the sack to the side. “I wouldn’t poison it.” He took a sip from his cup slowly, deliberately swallowing so that you could tell it was safe. “I’ll have you know I hold wine too sacred to. Besides,” he joked, trying to lighten up what was becoming an increasingly oppressive mood, “I wouldn’t waste a perfectly good bottle to do that; this was two months of savings!”

You did not even smile.

He looked down at his hands, voice softening. “You’ve been asleep for quite some time, you know. It would be bad for you not to eat.”

You took an apple, licked and then took a bite out of it. You chewed it slowly, and after what seemed like an unusually long time, swallowed.

He set his cup down, swallowing back a lump of nervousness in his throat. When he had talked to you in the past, it had never been quite so hard to get himself to speak clearly as it was now. This was unfortunately not the time for passionate ballads; what you needed was a rational explanation as to what he would take you away from your friends and family, an explanation that he did not have and could not for the life of him create. “Well,” he started slowly, struggling to meet your eyes, “I suppose that the reason you are here, right now, with me, is because I love you.”

He hated that he could not read the expression on your face. He understood that of all times this was a bit late to be feeling any sort of shame for what he was doing, but even now, after all this time getting himself on board with this whole ordeal, he still could not ignore the way his stomach churned at how uncomfortable he had made you. This was wrong. He understood that it was wrong. The reality of the situation was, of course, that he had kidnapped you because it was selfish, but he could hardly tell you that.

He smiled gently, pushing the feeling to the side. You were scared; you needed reassurance. “You treated me well. You took me seriously and you spent time with me and you cared to know me. I’m grateful for that; I’m not typically around people who treat me with that sort of consideration.”

Your expression was not changing.

“You really are wonderful, you know.” He tore off a chunk of bread, taking a bite out of it to give his hands something to do and to give this delicate conversation a more casual feel. “Kind, considerate, unassuming: I’m very fortunate to have you in my life.” He swallowed. “And I cherished the time we had together; you and I, sat looking at the stars as we laughed and joked and teased one another.” He felt heat flush his ears. “I still cherish that time, however brief. If I have not irreparably destroyed what we have, I hope to spend more moments like that with you.”

You took another bite from the apple. If he had a god to pray to he would pray that this all was not lost on you.

He took another bite out of the bread. “I don’t know if I have ever told you, or if I have ever had the opportunity to tell you, but I am effectively immortal.” He took a sip from the wine, barely tasting it. “I’m an archon, as a matter of fact: the patron god of Mondstadt. It takes quite a bit of effort to kill a god; unfortunately, time has proven that it is not up to the task, seeing as I am unfortunately still here.” He gestured to the bottle. “Have as much of that as you want, by the way; I got it to celebrate.” He cleared his throat, checking your expression. “Am I making sense so far? Typically I’m not this nervous.”

You leaned your back against the cave wall, closing your eyes as if blocking out the sight of him would make the situation any less real than it was.

He wished he had a lower tolerance for alcohol; his hands were shaking. “But anyways.” He tucked his legs underneath him. “Immortality has not been kind to me, you understand; those that are not immortal have an unfortunate affinity for dying. It makes forming relationships difficult, especially with those with adventurous spirits and hearts yearning for glory, which is unfortunate given the type of people I associate with typically.” He set his hands on his knees. “While you don't seem particularly driven by these things, you are still mortal and still human, and while I understand that, developmentally, it’s important for you to be able to do whatever you choose and to take risks, frankly, I don’t really care.”

You still were not responding.

He continued. “You’re very important to me.” He fiddled with the fabric of his shorts. “And I have decided that the best thing to do— admittedly, mostly for my sanity’s sake— is to keep you here, where no human or creature could possibly reach or hurt you.” He chose not to meet your eyes. “I’ll bring you food and drink and I will offer you entertainment as best I can. I may bring people I trust to spend time with you, even take you down so that you may stretch your legs, as I do understand that this space, however much I try, is not the ideal living situation.” His mouth was painfully dry. “I will do my best to provide for your every need, work so that you might not have to, make you want for as little as is reasonable. I don’t have much, but I swear to give you what little I do have, and while I understand that, right now, it may seem like my word means very little— this entire situation,” he admitted, smiling sheepishly, “is absolutely against just about every principle that I hold— but I want you to know that I have every intention of keeping you happy and safe.”

You opened your eyes again, looking back out at the mouth of the cave and back at him. You leaned towards him. “And in return?”

He blinked. “In return?”

“What do you want out of me?” Your hands balled into fists. “You’re not doing this all for me. What do you expect from me?”

He reached forward, brushing a bit of hair out of your face. “What I want,” he explained, voice lowering at the new proximity, “is for you, at some point, to feel the same way about me that I feel about you however I can.”

You were shaking. “And how are you going to do that?”

“If I told you that, it would take all the fun out of it.” Despite his best efforts to keep his voice fairly light, he could see how you wilted at his words. “And it wouldn’t be very romantic if I told you everything I planned on doing outright.”

You looked back at the mouth of the cave, then at him. You picked the cup up, took a drink from it, stood up, and sprinted for the exit.

His response was automatic. In an instant, you were on your back, pushed back into the shelter by a force that seemed to almost whip at your skin. You scrambled away from it, curling in on yourself to try to let the wind rush over and past you.

He watched you, keeping his face neutral as his stomach sank. “You know you wouldn’t survive the fall.” He laid on his side to stay at your eye level. “And even if you did, in your state, how do you suggest you get back to where you came from? Crawl?”

You looked over at him through your arms, eyes brimming with tears. “Fuck you.”

He forced out a laugh, fear welling up in his chest. You could not die. “Maybe another time.” He rolled onto his stomach, propping his head on his folded arms. “It’s alright. I think you would be stunning even without working legs.”

You sat up, crawling back to your spot as if your limbs were being dragged by weights. You did not look at him, instead taking a chunk of bread and stuffing it in your mouth to muffle your crying, as if it would make it any less obvious.

He sat back on his knees, reaching over and wiping your face, ignoring how you flinched. “But I wouldn’t do that to you. That wouldn’t be right.” He smiled gently. “It wouldn’t be a smart move on my part either; if I want you to love me, I can’t exactly do that by scaring you half to death, can I?”

You were shivering.

He untied his cape, setting it in front of you. “You can use this. I still need to get all your things; with you gone, getting into your room might be a bit more challenging than usual, but I’m sure I can manage.” He kissed you on the forehead as if your skin did not crawl at the action, standing up. “I promise I’ll be back soon.” He tried to keep his voice stable. “Please don’t try to die again while I’m gone, alright?”

He was not used to the sight of you so defeated, made to look small next to him of all people. You needed space, would resent him if he did not leave you alone, but he was scared to, now, afraid of what you might do, afraid of losing you.

He would be back soon.

“I love you.” He took one last look back at you before stepping off the ledge. “You’ll see that.”

Previous Works

[noodleblade]

Not a Hugger

first time writing rodimags ;--; enjoy! AO3 Link

Rodimus was avoiding him. 

That was the only explanation Ultra Magnus could come up for his Captain’s shift in behavior. Even now, across the bridge Magnus couldn’t help but note the changes with an ever-growing dismay. 

To the untrained optic or perhaps even at just a cursory glance, Rodimus was acting as he always had: irresponsible, loud, brash, ironic and unprofessional down to his protoform. He slacked off on his shifts- or barely showed up at all -passed his work off to anyone willing and had a general negligence for order and rule despite his station of Captaincy. 

All, unfortunately, within normalcy for the Captain’s usual decorum. 

Rodimus still laughed and joked with Drift, still rolled his optics whenever Megatron attempted to issue orders, still ignored Perceptor’s, albeit lengthy, reports and still kept his record as Number One Party Master at Swerve’s- whatever that meant . Truly, the only change that had occurred with Rodimus were his interactions with Ultra Magnus.

The Duly Appointed Enforcer frowned at the realization, suddenly feeling too exposed, like everyone else on the bridge was aware. He knew, rationally, that was simply not the case, as much of their relationship was the same as it ever was, only now with some additional…distance.

Magnus tore his optics away from Rodimus who was leaning against Drift, whining in his audials about not leaving him as the TIC’s shift came to a close, servos wrapped around the mech’s arm, helm practically resting on top of one another. The display was entirely inappropriate for their work environment but entirely Rodimus in every way it violated those foundations of decorum. 

Rodimus had always been a touchy mech. The boundaries of personal space were not ones he recognized. It had been a…grating experience at first. The lines of professionalism and orderly conduct crossed in favor of informal amiability. It was inappropriate, especially for a leader and a Prime , but as time passed, Ultra Magnus was forced to recontextualize leadership, or at the very least, accept that Rodimus’s unique brand of it was not ineffective. And such, the touching became less of an irritant and more of an expectation .

A casual servo on his shoulder, golden yellow digits tapping and moving distractingly across blue matte plating; leaning in so close until the lighter speed-frame had to be supported, lest he fall to the ground; forehelms pressed together in the rare instances their statures were at equal level, matrix blue optics devious and full of mirth like he knew exactly how uncomfortable- no, flustered -the action made his Second. There were the few, infrequent moments they were alone, when Rodimus would squirm his way beneath Ultra Magnus’ arm to curl by his side, in not quite a comforting hold or Primus forgive a cuddle , but something tender and softer than what Rodimus was known for. Something Ultra Magnus had a difficult time defining, too many recharge cycles dedicated to searching dictionaries for a term that was appropriate but never quite finding it. 

Not that he needed to now. 

Something had changed in the past few decacycles. From almost a near constant physical closeness, there was now nothing. There was no cataclysm of change, no universe altering phenomenon, not even a disturbance in their profession nor personal relationship. Nothing that Ultra Magnus could make note of. One cycle it was Rodimus’s usual flagrant disrespect for personal boundaries and the next, and everycycle since, a distance that Ultra Magnus could only attribute as impersonal.

“Something wrong, Mags?”

Ultra Magnus’s optics cycled wide as his helm snapped up. Rodimus was watching him, optic ridge raised. The former Prime stood a few meters away, rocking on his pedes. Still distant. Magnus’s optics darted around to find the bridge hauntingly empty. The last shift’s mecha had departed, leaving just him and Rodimus alone. 

“No,” Ultra Magnus answered sharply. Rodimus did not flinch or wince, but his optics dimmed, darting away. Guilt, worry and shame curled over his spark and Magnus added, “I’m worried about you.”

Confusion clouded Rodimus’s faceplates, field equally as puzzled. “About?”

Hesitance was not an attribute Ultra Magnus exhibited frequently, but he found in this moment, the words come out tentative , unsure. “You’ve been distant lately.”

 “Distant?” Rodimus frowned, cocking his helm to the side.

There was still too much space between them and suddenly Ultra Magnus wished there was more, that he could somehow teleport to the other side of the ship, away for Rodimus, away from this conversation, away from this torture of his own design. 

“You’re avoiding me.”

Rodimus’s frame stiffed, spoiler flinching up high. “I’m not sure what you mean,” the speedster muttered, unable to meet Magnus’s gaze.

While it was easy to identify the changes, articulating them was uncomfortable. The objectivity of the statements should have been a comfort- recognizing discrepancies and outliers were part of his job -but it was the subjectivity , the personal involvement that caused the words to clog his intake, unable to leave. Ultra Magnus felt like he was floundering, struggling to state his position without the humiliation in admitting his insecurity. 

“You are longer…affectionate.” Immediately, he recognized this was the wrong word. Yes , it was what Magnus felt. He had long ago put Rodimus’s physical presence as an affectionate one, but that was his own, private categorization. Not one he had ever wanted to verbalize, especially with his Captain. “I mean, physically speaking.” Now, more than ever, Ultra Magnus wished he could be smelted down right now to escape this.

“Physical affection…” Rodimus repeated the words, much to Magnus’ humiliation. “You mean like hugging?”

No universe could ever allow Ultra Magnus to repeat those words back. He settled for a stiff, bobbing nod.

Silence echoed through the bridge. Never was he more thankful to be alone with only Rodimus to bear witness to this horrifically embarrassing display. He dared to look up to see Rodimus examining him, expression painfully unreadable.

“I just kind of assumed, you know,” Rodimus made an abort motion towards Ultra Magnus's frame as if it provided any further explanation, “you’re not really the touchy-feely sort. Not really a hugger.”

Ultra Magnus frowned. Rodimus’s line of thinking was not incorrect . Physical contact and tactile relationships were something he avidly avoided. They held no place in a work environment and in his personal sphere, Magnus found himself often alone, a decision of his own choosing. The casualness of amicable touches was foreign to him and admittedly, not something he ever instigated on his own accord.

However, Rodimus did and Ultra Magnus had gotten used to it. He had grown to expect his Captain’s easy disregard for proper conduct. Rodimus had never taken his position of their tactile relationship into question. As most things Rodimus did, he didn’t consider the greater aspect outside of himself. And as most things Ultra Magnus did, he did little to impede Rodimus’s choice of action. 

“I’m not,” Magnus conceded, vocalizer growing softer with static and uncertainty. “But you are. And that discrepancy has never stopped you in the past.”

An abrasive chuckle torn through Rodimus. His faceplates did not reflect any mirth, genuine or sarcastic. If anything, Ultra Magnus was unfamiliar with such a closed off expression. 

“I mean, I kind of got the hint that one time.” Rodimus looked away at this, digits fidgeting with the pipes of his forearm. “You know, on the bridge, mid-recharge cycle.”

The memory pulled up immediately as dread trickled down Magnus’s back strut. 

It was the middle of the recharge cycle, the majority of the crew powered down in their habs with only a spare few monitoring the feeds and radars in case of emergency. Most of the lights were off, only a few auxiliary systems running and leaving most of the ship dim and dark. 

Ultra Magnus had always been plagued with ill-fated, but it was nothing a brisk patrol wouldn’t solve. That’s usually all it took to calm the rapid spin of his spark and settle down his plating. His midnight patrols were usually uneventful and empty. However, tonight he had found another wandering in the dark. 

Rodimus was not himself, that much was immediately clear just looking at him, but Ultra Magnus’s preliminary scans detected nothing physically abnormal. Just a damped field and closed off posture. Rodimus barely even looked up as Ultra Magnus entered the dark and empty bridge, the doors closing softly behind him.

“Captain?” 

His voice felt too loud for the quiet room, though he had spoken at his usual register. Still, Rodimus looked up all the same. 

His optics were a quizzical mixture of surprise and relief. Ultra Magnus was not sure what it meant. They were forlorn and searching and reaching and Magnus didn’t have the faintest idea of what they wanted. All he knew was a sadness hung over his Captain and he should do something . 

Comforting was never his strong suit. Even as a commander, he often found himself stilted in reading a mech’s emotions and properly handling them. Rodimus was even more confusing, too many layers covering up anything authentic. It was why Magnus had felt satisfied in leaving the former Prime’s emotional state to Drift, who was far more equipped to read and understand Rodimus.

Right now, however, it was just the two of them and it would be highly inappropriate to disturb Drift for such matters. Ultra Magnus would have to attempt to navigate the situation himself, despite not knowing where to start. Thankfully, Rodimus was not the type of mech to wait and let other flounder. 

With a fluid and grace of that of a lighter, smaller frame, Rodimus had crossed the bridge in a matter of seconds, servos brushing against Magnus’s plating to rest along his waist. Yellow digits tightened their grip as if he were afraid of being removed, leaving little dents in their wake. Rodimus tucked his helm against Magnus’s abdomen, their frames pressed tight together. 

Unsure what to do, Magnus remained still, arms hanging limp at his side. His processor was a blur. Should he touch and return the action? Or would that ruin the moment, disturb the peace? Would his touch feel trapping? Discomforting? Or was that the desired course of action? Indecision made him immobile. He just hoped Rodimus got what he needed from the contact.

The moment hardly lasted more than a handful of nanokliks. Rodimus slowly shuffled away. Optics not quite meeting Ultra Magnus’s as he flicked his wrist in a perfunctory wave. 

“Dismissed,” Rodimus said quietly as he turned back to face out of the windows on the bridge. 

Never one to disobey, Ultra Magnus left and returned to his hab.

At the time, Ultra Magnus had only felt relief in his dismissal, the tightness in his spark loosening. He wasn’t the comforting type and he only felt burning humiliation in trying to act otherwise. And yet, the somber expression of Rodimus’s faceplates stuck with him late into the recharge cycle, sitting on the periphery of his processor. Internal protocols chastised him in his inability to know what to do. You should have done more. You should’ve requested him to explain his troubles. You should’ve stayed with him. You should have held him close.

The thoughts had plagued him till his next shift. As soon as he entered the bridge, his optics had landed on Rodimus who simply looked up and gave him a small smile before going on to sheepishly explain the latest disaster to grace the Lost Light. One smile had set his mind and spark to ease. Relief so great he didn’t even chastise his Prime for his involvement in the incident at hand. Cleaning up became the forefront of his thoughts and that quiet interaction in the dead of night faded away.

Ultra Magnus had assumed things would resume their course. The Lost Light would continue to reign chaos in whatever corner of the universe they landed in, Ultra Magnus would try to fix it before it got worse and Rodimus would grin and laugh and lean against him to tell him to “Loosen up, Mags!” He had made an assumption, and as the earthly colloquialism went, Ultra Magnus certainly felt like an “ass”. 

Certainly now under the guarded stare from Rodimus. 

He wasn’t used to the former prime being so closed off around him, wasn’t used to Rodimus hiding his feelings and intentions but evidentially, Ultra Magnus was no longer trusted to bear witness to those emotions. Somehow, that realization cut deeper than anything. Perhaps the distance between them was not only that of tactical affection. 

“Usually people reciprocate hugs,” Rodimus grumbled, shifting further away. Magnus wished he would stop creating more space. “It’s the proper procedure .” 

“I misjudged.” The words almost felt like begging from his lips. Anything to make Rodimus reconsider casting him aside. Because, he realized, that’s what this felt like. He had failed and Rodimus didn’t want to be around him anymore. 

“Clearly,” Rodimus snapped. A shred of guilt crossed his expression before pulling back to something more neutral. “Either way, it's in the past. Don’t worry about it, okay? We’re good. Hugging is not our thing and that’s cool or whatever. ”

Somehow things didn’t feel good or cool . Nothing felt resolved, or if it had, it was the wrong resolution. Rodimus was still too far away, the energy between them was awkward and tense. Talking had sorted nothing; if anything, things felt worse .

Perhaps resolution needed a more Rodimus-friendly approach. And for the Captain, actions had always spoken louder than words.

With a heavy invent to center himself, Ultra Magnus took a daring step forward. Rodimus watched him cautiously, optics guarded. It was so rare to see Rodimus in such a state that the need to correct and fix the situation pushed down his own anxieties and worries. There was no reward without risk, without daring action. He hoped, at the very least, if this all exploded in his face, Rodimus would at least find humor in his disastrous attempt.

Slowly, with hesitancy pulling at his plating, Ultra Magnus raised both arms and held them out. His posture remained stiff, back strut straight and pedes shoulder width apart. He watched in dismay as Rodimus raised an optic ridge, his faceplate otherwise neutral. 

Immediately, he felt humiliation crash over him in waves. He looked ridiculous and pathetic. Any moment now, Rodimus was going to burst into laughter and he was never going to see the end of it.

“Are you joking?”

There was no mirth in Rodimus’s tone. Not even a subtle tugging of his lip plates into a smile. The words were absent from anything Magnus could recognize as his Captain: quiet, distant, reserved. 

Ultra Magnus swallowed the static clinging to his intake, embarrassed by the loud click that echoed through the room. “Have you ever known me to make a joke?”

Rodimus’s optics dropped. “Think the very thought of making one would crash your processor.��

Silence crawled between them. Ultra Magnus held his position, despite every voice in his helm telling him to give up, walk away, hide away, forget this ever happened. A resignation letter was already being drafted for inappropriate conduct with a recommendation of explosion from the Lost Light into the first black hole they ran into. A drastic punishment maybe, but preferable to any other aftermath of this disastrous moment. 

Movement pulled Ultra Magnus from his spirally thoughts, optics zeroing in on Rodimus as he shifted his weight ever so slightly. An emotion flicked over the Captain’s face, too quick for Magnus to even begin attempting to interpret. He hoped whatever it was it was at least positive . The impassive look Rodimus has been wearing up until now had begun to melt away to something more determined, familiar. It eased a little bit of tension in his spark. 

Slowly, Rodimus moved closer. Magnus stayed still as stone, worried if he moved it would break the pressure around them, the tension would crumble and they’d both run from this. Rodimus moved like one sudden motion or noise would spook him and threaten him to retreat. 

Once the speedster was a scant few inches away, Rodimus raised his optic ridge in a silent question. 

Tension had long ago shut down his vocalizer, but he nodded his helm all the same, spark threatening to jump from its casing, out his intake and crash down to the floor between them. 

Ultra Magnus didn’t flinch so much as jolt as Rodimus laid his servos in Magnus’s. Immediately, Rodimus’s optics widened as he looked at where they connected. It was then that Ultra Magnus noticed as well the near imperceptible trembling of his plating. 

“That wound up, Mags?” Rodimus asked, though there was no bite in his tone. It was simply inquisitive as small digits rubbed circled into the palms of his servos. He imagined the action was supposed to be a soothing one but all it did was urge his spark in its ever present mission to burst through his armored plating. Taking his silence for the answer it was, Rodimus hummed. “Nevermind, you are always wound up. Want me to take the lead on this one?”

Please . Ultra Magnus was more than adept at filling leadership positions when needed but he was always vastly more comfortable in a more supportive role, following guidelines set out rather than drafting them himself. Guidelines such as these needed to be crafted from experience, but he had none. Deferring to a superior officer with more experience was a show of trust and despite all of Rodimus’s faults, Ultra Magnus still trusted him. 

Rodimus let out an understanding hum as his left servo gently tugged on Magnus’s all while leaving his right to continue the soothing motion of golden digits against stark white plating. He kept his grip on Magnus loose as he guided the servo to rest on his flank. When he let go, Rodimus kept his servo hovering over Magnus’s, as if it would retreat the moment he let go. Once satisfied that Ultra Magnus would keep the position, he closed the remaining space between them. 

The press of warm plating against his own was as exciting as it was nauseating. His processor was alit, documenting the moment, recording every klik, analyzing their movement. It was overwhelming and he knew the moment would be engraved in his memory core for the rest of his life. 

Rodimus pulled their joined right servos close to where their chassis were pressed together. Though his servo was dwarfed in Magnus’s, Rodimus remained in complete control of the movement, interlocking their digits together and squeezing their palms flushed. At the same time, Rodimus’s freed left servo reached up to rest on Ultra Magnus’s shoulder. With their statures vastly uneven, Rodimus had to stretch his entire arm span.

“Mind bending a bit?” Rodimus asked, digits drumming distractedly against his shoulder.

Magnus was quick to comply and was rewarded by the same appeased hum Rodimus had given him early. Bent over as such brought their helms close together. Rodimus’s optics never left Ultra Magnus’s.

“Is this to your satisfaction?” 

Rodimus ducked his helm, pressing his cheek against the warm plating above Magnus’s spark. 

“It’s alright. What about you? Not that you have much to compare it to.” The words weren’t biting, the tone almost hesitant to be anything more than the soft utterance. However, a realization crashed over Rodimus as he tightened the grip on Magnus’s servo. “Please say this as at least better than when you hugged Thunderclash or I’ll never live that down.” Rodimus pressed, unable to keep the bitterness from rising in his tone. 

“ That was a thoughtless action. One I don’t wish to repeat.” It had been rather embarrassing. Ultra Magnus had done his best to forget and put the incident behind them. He was forever grateful for Thunderclash's choice to remain silent on the matter, letting them both leave it in the past unattended. “My actions regarding you are always thoughtful. Intentional.” 

Hugging Thunderclash had been spontaneous and surprising, even to himself who had instigated the action. This was far different, his processor all too aware of every step they had taken to get in this position and the very thought of ending it made him want to hold on tighter. 

Rodimus snorted into his chest plate at that response, digits drumming playfully along his shoulder. “Is that Magnus speak for ‘this is okay?’”

“Vastly preferable,” he couldn’t help but correct. Okay was middling, simple compliance. This…was more, though the words to articulate it failed him. All he knew was this moment meant more than just simply being okay . “Is…there a time requirement?”

There was a pause before Rodimus spoke. Ultra Magnus dared not move, fearful his inquiry had ruined the fragile quiet between them. He expected a laugh or Rodimus to tease, but instead, the Captain kept his face pressed against Magnus’s frame, voice quiet and soft. “As long as you feel like it.”

“I see.” Terribly hope was blooming in his spark and Ultra Magnus felt almost daring . “I could request-  I mean, I would like to remain like this for a while longer.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Mags. However, we need to work on your form,” Rodimus mumbled into his chassis. “You’re too stiff and withdrawn. Hugs are supposed to be warm and secure.”

“My internal temperature readings display a core temperature of-”

“No, no, you are missing the point,” Rodimus cut him off. 

Ultra Magnus was about to remind his dear Captain once again that interrupting was rude and improper but the words lodged in his intake as twin servos brushed light up his arms, leaving a tingling sensation across his plating. Rodimus settled his hands on the tops of his shoulders, digits caressing the mountings of his shoulder stacks. A stray thumb teased the junction of his neck, tracing along the transformation seam.

“There’s more to warmth than temperature,” Rodimus said, though a small frown flickered across his expression. “Doesn’t even matter, as long as you are touching me even a little bit, we are good. One step closer.”

“We are touching everywhere we are supposed to be,” Magnus muttered back confused. Primus, they were touching in places that were decidedly inappropriate for their office setting. 

“I meant emotionally but that’s not something I’m going to tackle any time soon.” Ultra Magnus flinched as Rodimus nuzzled his helm closer, digits rubbing small, soothing circles along his back. “We can talk later. Relax, Mags.” A nanoklik passed before he added with a small laugh in his tone, “That’s an order.”

Squeezing their joined servos, Ultra Magnus felt a rare smile tug at the corner of his lip plates, his spark burning in his chassis. “Of course, my Captain.” 

[gr1an]

Pssst psst *slides you 1 Minecraft diamond 💎* I would love to hear about your grian mental health conspiracy board if you are willing to share

who’s ready to get so incredibly parasocial!!!! i have ideas about both c!grian and cc!grian but my conspiracy board is just cc!grian so. i guess i’m explaining that today.

the center of this conspiracy board is that grian has (probably) undiagnosed adhd but also is incredibly intelligent and the unhealthy thinking patterns that arose from that going untreated for so long have led to what appears to be emotional dissociation and also a host of other mental issues.

important context: i’m probably projecting into grian here. my adhd went undiagnosed until my senior year of high school and it (among other things) caused a lot of issues as a result and i see that Very Reflected In Grian but i don’t know how much of it is seeing stuff that actually just. isn’t there.

the adhd thing i don’t feel like i need to explain like. right. we all agree that man is so incredibly adhd.

1. emotional dissociation: you can only make the “i almost actually felt something” joke before i start to go 🤨 . i don’t have any specific instances but it’s a regular joke he makes in GIGS phasmo both the vids on his channel and the streams i’ve see. and i think his past bitchiness is also a probable symptom of the. lack of feeling emotions.

2. he’s very skilled in a lot of things. however. if he’s not good at something immediately, or if he’s not at least immediately having fun, he will emotionally and mentally disengage in a way that is very detrimental to his own performance in things as well as others around him.

3. he also compares himself when he is hyper-focusing (and we all know the issues that come with that. neglect of other needs not being the least of them) to when he isn’t and gets frustrated when his results aren’t the same. it’s one of the things that makes me so convinced that his adhd is undiagnosed bc hyper-focus is not an unknown thing that comes with having adhd. if he could name what is happening and rationalize his actions with this explanation he’d probably be having a bit better time mentally.

4. grian has a reasonable ability to roleplay, we can see this in evo and also his interactions with grumbot in s9, but his roleplay is not usually. emotion-filled (forgive me if i’m wrong here i’m only like 20 episodes into evo and i know the end is what makes ppl insane). so he’s pretty good. but i don’t think the frustration and anger in the “because i’m me!” clip of him is acting. it may be played up for the bit but his teeth are audibly gritted. and this is him expressing incredible frustration at a pattern of behavior that he’s had since For Fucking Ever. lack of impulse control, even if it’s just about small things, is incredibly frustrating to deal with from the inside, and it’s made all the worse when those around you make comments at your expense about how stupid/silly it was for you to have done that thing. this is an adhd thing but i think it deserves special attention bc he’s very impulsive and it nearly always ends up making people or himself frustrated down the line.

5. surprising approximately no one, someone who was bullied in school reacts Incredibly Negatively to sudden stimulus. (martyn startling him while mining, him getting physically nauseous from being startled by the mail sound????)

in conclusion, grian you were so correct when you said “what i actually need is therapy” bc he needs someone to help him figure out the things his brain is doing so he can stop misattributing Symptoms to Personal Moral Failings. bc they’re not and it hurts to see him imply that.

[lovesicks4pphic]

Make Me Yours

Rating: E

Summary: Based on the prompt: Agent Scully likes to be spanked.

Read on AO3 here. 

In many ways, Dana Scully knew that she was anything but stereotypical. Her chosen profession and rational, level-headed approach often raised eyebrows, with assumptions made about either her gender or her faith. Sometimes both.

Even after all these years, some of her peers were shocked upon discovering that the incredibly skilled ‘Doctor Scully’ they’d heard so much about was in fact a 5 foot 2 woman in a skirt and heels with a cross around her neck. Misogyny remained alive and well, it seemed.

When it came to her personal life, however, Scully knew she had a tendency to fall into a pattern. Eager to please, she sought out older men, men with authority, men whose attention she’d have to fight for, even becoming ‘the other woman’ for Daniel. It was a predictable, never-ending cycle of craving approval and craving rebellion.

Melissa had always joked about their shared ‘daddy issues’, although hers had manifested in a totally different way. Melissa’s free-spirited nature was worlds away from anything their stern military father could comprehend.

Whilst Melissa was always quite happy to joke about it, Scully found it more difficult to discuss. There was nothing wrong with her preferences, she had tried on many occasions to reassure herself of that, but she couldn’t shake the embarrassment, the feeling that she should want something different. There’s that famous Catholic guilt, she thought.

Unbeknownst to most, her need to please ran a little deeper. It took her a while to even admit it to herself, swallowing down the rush she felt whenever she imagined her partner gripping her wrists or forcing her to her knees in the throes of passion.

Melissa had eventually got it out of her after multiple glasses of wine when the topic of conversation turned to her boyfriend at the time, Ethan.

“I don’t get it, Dana.” Melissa had said. “I thought you two were happy.”

She should be happy, she thought. He was thoughtful and kind, the perfect man on paper, but there was something missing. Blame it on the alcohol, or the months of sexual frustration, but there was no stopping the words that fell out of Scully’s mouth.

“He’s not rough enough with me.” She blurted.

“Rough enough?”

Scully blushed but Melissa’s tone was more curious than judgemental.

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “He’s a sweet guy but he’s too… nice.”

“Don’t you want someone who’s nice to you?” Melissa asked gently.

“I want someone who makes me feel alive.”

It was as much of an explanation as she could give. She could barely make sense of it herself.

Scully knew Mulder must have sensed it the moment she stepped into his office. His goddamn, world-renowned profiling skills probably spotted her submissive streak a mile off.

Now that they were together, at long last, she was even more convinced that it would come as no surprise to him. There was no hiding the flood of desire she experienced when he grabbed her hips and flipped her over without warning. Nor was there any denying the volume of her moans when he brought his lips close to her ear and told her how good she felt.

Curled up against him, sweaty and satiated, it seemed like the right moment for her confession.

“Mulder.” She started. Her voice was quiet, small, and she cursed herself for being so nervous. This was Mulder, Mulder, the last person on Earth who would judge her.

“Mm?”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

His arm tensed around her and she quickly placed a hand on his chest to reassure him, looking up to meet his eyes.

“It’s nothing bad.”

He nodded, sagging slightly in relief.

“Anything, Scully. Shoot.”

Here goes nothing.

“You may have noticed that I enjoy it when you’re a bit… rougher… with me.”

Mulder chuckled and pulled her closer.

“I have, yes.”

“I was wondering if we- I mean if you- Could we try-.” Scully’s cheeks tinged pink as she struggled to find the words. “Sorry.”

Mulder stayed silent, giving her space to continue. They had mastered the art of unspoken communication over the years. A simple look was all the encouragement she needed.

“I want more. Of that.”

“You want me to be more dominant with you?”

Scully swallowed and nodded. The jolt of arousal she felt from the question alone was a good indication that yes, that’s exactly what she wanted.

She dropped her gaze, her fingers tracing patterns on his chest while she figured out how exactly to put it into words.

“In the past, men I’ve been with have tended to treat me like I’m made of glass.” She explained.

“Even Jerse?”

“I never- we didn’t sleep together.” She clarified quickly.

“Oh.” He sounded surprised. “Sorry, continue.”

“Maybe it’s because people see me as reserved or uptight. Or maybe it’s just that they think they’ll break me because I’m smaller than them.”

She wrinkled her nose as if rejecting the notion and Mulder laughed.

“Well, you are pretty short.” He teased, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, before becoming more serious. “You could still kick their asses though. And mine.”

Scully smiled and pressed a kiss to his shoulder, grateful for his ability to delicately balance light-hearted quips and sincere understanding.

“The way they treated me… I’ve always craved something more.” She said, returning to her original point. “You’re the first person who’s really picked up on that so I’ve been wanting to ask you for this… for more.”

Mulder nodded and Scully could see his jaw clench and unclench as he mulled over her proposition.

“What exactly are you asking for here, Scully?” His tone was thoughtful, not harsh in any way. “Do we need to discuss your limits? Should we have a safeword?”

Scully’s eyes widened. This clearly wasn’t his first rodeo. She tried not to think of him having this conversation with anyone else, instead choosing to focus on the fact that this was sounding like a yes.

Mulder must’ve interpreted her surprise differently as he rushed to clarify.

“I just mean- there’s a lot of options here and I don’t want to take things too far.” He explained. “I would hate to make you uncomfortable.”

Scully nodded. He was right, of course. The possibilities were endless and there was a chance she may not enjoy them all. With him though, she was open to anything. She wanted them to take this journey together.

“I trust you. I’ll tell you if I need you to stop.” She looked into his eyes so he could see the truth in them. She lifted her hand to his face, cupping his cheek, and her voice was barely more than a whisper when she spoke again. “I want you to take me, Mulder. To make me yours.”

“Jesus, Scully.”

He was watching her with such intensity, brushing his fingers over her cheekbones. She could sense the arousal taking hold of him, his mind running through a million scenarios.

“I want…” Scully continued quietly. “I want whatever you want. I want to please you.”

His lips quirked.

“I see.” He ran his thumb over her bottom lip, gently tugging it away from her teeth before releasing it. “You want to be my good girl, don’t you, Scully?”

Fuck.

“Yeah.” She breathed shakily.

His hand drifted slowly down her body, running over the curve of her hip.

“And what if you’re not?” He asked, voice growing husky. “Do you want me to punish you? Spank you?”

Scully whimpered. He was a little too good at this. She should’ve known. There had always been an undercurrent of passion and possessiveness beneath that playful exterior of his.

His fingers continued their movements, now tracing over the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, and she shivered. He had already made her come twice that evening, but she wanted him again, badly. Her body was alight with anticipation in a way she’d never felt before.

He leaned in, bringing his face closer to hers. All the while, his fingertips danced higher and higher, and she squirmed beneath him.

“Touch me.” She pleaded against his lips. He ignored her, deliberately avoiding the place she so desperately wanted him. As frustrating as it was to be taunted, it was only arousing her further. “Please.”

Her voice came out as a whine and he must’ve taken pity on her because his hand moved even higher and then his thumb brushed her clit and she moaned into his mouth.

He took his time playing with her, tracing his fingers over every inch of her before he finally, finally, dipped down to circle her entrance. She felt dizzy with need.

“Fuck, Scully.” Mulder groaned. “You’re soaked.”

“For you.” She breathed.

Their eyes met, his gaze dark and dangerous. In that moment, Scully knew that she had unlocked something powerful, that he was in this just as much as she was.

When he slid two fingers inside her, she gasped in relief. She arched her back to take him deeper, clawing at his bicep, and that was the end of his teasing.  

He fucked her roughly, muttering filthy things in her ear until she was trembling and dripping down his hand, coming harder than she could ever remember.

That was definitely a yes.

-

It had been a whole week since their conversation, a whole week without exploring anything further. Scully had introduced a ‘no sex on company time’ rule back when they first got together and was now regretting it more than ever.

They had technically been on the clock 24/7, sleeping in separate motel rooms at night and trying their best to focus on the case during the day. Trying being the operative word. After the other night, all she could think about was him and what might happen the next time he got his hands on her.

They were back in DC but the case was still ongoing. Mulder was getting called out to locations across the city every night while Scully was stuck at the lab. There was no time for sleepovers and Scully was growing impatient.

It was a Friday morning when she finally snapped, her hand down her pajama pants after a particularly explicit dream about him, again. Fuck the rules.

A few hours later, she sat beside Mulder at the back of a conference room enduring yet another mind-numbing meeting about this stupid case that wasn’t even an X-File. He was stroking her thigh under the table, apparently just as bored and just as horny as her. His fingers slipped beneath the hem of her skirt and she held her breath, waiting for his reaction when he discovered her little secret.

He reached where the edge of her underwear should be and froze. She dug her teeth into her bottom lip to hold back a moan. He turned in his seat and leaned into her, his stubble grazing her cheek and his lips brushing the shell of her ear.

“Where are your panties, Scully?”

His voice was low so that only she could hear and its huskiness sent a shiver down her spine.

“I didn’t feel like wearing any today.” She murmured against his skin.

The responding growl in the back of his throat had her throbbing. If she wasn’t already worried about there being a damp spot on her chair when she stood up, she definitely would be now.

When they returned to the basement, he walked over to his desk, sat down and began reading a file without saying a word. Scully frowned. That wouldn’t do. Not when she had just spent the last thirty minutes picturing him shoving her against the wall and fucking her until she couldn’t walk straight.

She knew what she had to do. It felt a little silly, another cliché to add to her collection, but if it paid off it would be more than worth it.

She positioned herself directly in his line of sight, not that he was even looking up right now, the asshole, and dropped the pen and notepad she was holding, letting them fall to the floor with a clatter.

Mulder’s head snapped up at the noise. Got him. She turned and bent over to pick up her items, knowing full well the show he was getting.

She heard his chair scrape and she quickly straightened up, adjusting her skirt, but she didn’t dare turn around. His footsteps drew closer until his breath was hot against her ear and his hands grasped her hips.

“Are you trying to kill me, Scully?”

She opened her mouth to speak but he gripped her harder and all that came out was a whimper.

“I want you to go home now.” He said. “I’ll be over in an hour. Don’t change. I want you wearing exactly this. Understood?”

Jesus. His authoritative tone almost made her knees buckle there and then. She nodded, her pulse thrumming, and he released her.

She grabbed her things and drove home on autopilot, tapping her fingers against the wheel as her mind raced. When she got home, she couldn’t sit still. She paced around her apartment, flicking her wrist every few minutes to check her watch. Her heart felt like it might beat out of her chest.

His knock made her jump and she rushed over to open the door.

“Mulder, hi.” Her voice was breathy.

Without saying a word, he wrapped his fingers around her wrist and walked them to the bedroom. When they reached the foot of her bed, he let her go. She instantly missed his touch and shifted anxiously as he shrugged off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. God, he looked good.

He sat down at the edge of the mattress and locked eyes with her.

“Come here.”

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips and she took a step towards him, maintaining eye contact as she lifted a knee to straddle him. He shook his head, pushing her knee back down. She frowned. Oh. Oh.

She crawled onto the bed beside him and bent over his lap, her torso pressed against his thighs and her knees and elbows supported on either side of him by the mattress.

He stroked her hip over the fabric of her pencil skirt.

“Is this okay?” He asked, his voice softer than when he last spoke.

“Yes.” She whispered.

It was more than okay. This was everything she had ever wanted. She could feel herself trembling, adrenaline pumping through her veins. She arched her back a little further, sticking her ass out for him in case her verbal confirmation wasn’t enough.

Armed with her consent, his hand slid lower, pushing her skirt up over her hips to expose her. It was a vulnerable position to be in but her arousal far outweighed her embarrassment. She dropped her head to her forearms, hair tickling her skin.

“You’re wet.” He stated.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been wet since I got dressed this morning.” She admitted quietly.

“Since you decided to come to work without any underwear on.”

“Yes.”

If he didn’t touch her soon, he might finally have some evidence of spontaneous human combustion.

“Even though you were the one who said we have to behave ourselves at work.” It was said as a statement but she knew he was looking for an answer.

The accusation in his voice really should’ve pissed her off but instead made her head spin with a feeling she couldn’t name. He squeezed her ass firmly and she suddenly remembered he was awaiting a reply.

“Yes.” She squeaked as he groped her.

“It feels like you were teasing me, Scully. That’s not very kind.” He said. “I thought you wanted to be good for me.”

“I do.” She insisted, just about reaching her breaking point. “Oh God, I do. Mulder, please.”

She wriggled her hips, trying to encourage him to touch her, to do something, anything, before she totally lost her mind.

He slapped her ass and she jumped, stilling immediately. It wasn’t hard at all but the shock of it was enough.

“Since this is new for you, Scully, I’m only going to spank you nine more times. Ten in total.” He explained carefully. “I want you to count them for me, starting with two. Can you do that?”

She nodded, lifting her ass higher for him. Fuck, she needed this. She was so fucking ready.

His hand came down against her, harder this time, more purposeful.

“Two.” She gasped.

Immediately, there was a third slap, which she counted aloud, breathless. Four and five were choked out around moans.

“This doesn’t feel like much of a punishment, Scully.” Mulder admonished. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

His patronizing tone went straight to her clit. She writhed around on his lap, seeking more contact. Her face flushed as she realized she could feel wetness trickling down her thigh.

“Don’t stop.” She panted. “Please.”

He spanked her again and she let out a strangled cry.

“Count, Scully.”

“Shit.” She let out a ragged breath. “Six.”

He hummed, pleased, and then struck her again. And again. By the ninth, her legs were shaking.

“One more, baby.”

She swallowed and nodded, the pet name making her all the more desperate to please him. As his palm met her ass for the final time, she moaned loudly.

“Ten.”

She didn’t even register the word leaving her lips, too focused on the stinging sensation, the way her whole body felt like a livewire.

“Good girl.” Mulder said, smoothing a hand over her ass, and she shivered at the praise. “You did so well.”

She knew her ass must be pink, her skin had always been sensitive, and she desperately wished she could see it. She hoped he would give it to her even harder next time. She wanted him to leave marks, evidence of his possession.

His hand slid down to her center and he ran two fingers through her wetness.

“All this because I spanked you.” He murmured. “Such a dirty girl.”

He brought his dripping fingers to her lips and she opened her mouth for him without hesitation, moaning around the digits.

“That’s it.” He praised, and then he was returning his hand to her entrance and pushing those same fingers deep inside her.

“Oh, God.” She groaned in satisfaction.

His thrusts gradually got faster and rougher and her eyes rolled back in her head. She could hear the squishing sound of the wetness between her legs with every stroke and it only turned her on more.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” Mulder goaded. “You just couldn’t wait.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She panted, rocking her hips greedily. She was already so close.

She could feel his rock hard erection through their clothes, present since she had first lay down but getting more and more difficult to ignore as she ground against him. Fuck. She wanted to come with him inside her, it was all she’d thought about for a week. She told him as much, gasping out the words.

“I am inside you.” Mulder replied, thrusting his fingers harder for emphasis.

Scully whined.

“No- no- I want…”

He stilled.

“Say it, Scully.”

Even bent over his lap with him knuckle deep inside her, she felt a twinge of embarrassment about saying the word, but she knew he wouldn’t move again until she said it. She swallowed.

“Your cock.”

“Do you think you deserve it?” Mulder questioned, resuming his rhythm and curling his fingers inside her. “What if I want you to come like this?”

“Please, Mulder. I want your cock, I’ll be so good for you.” She was babbling now, past the point of caring. “Please, I need it.”

Mulder growled and slipped out of her.

“Stand up.”

She scrambled to her feet, chest heaving as he began unbuttoning her shirt. He quickly unzipped her skirt and unhooked her bra, kicking her feet to prompt her into taking off her heels. He made no effort to undress himself, other than taking off his own shoes, and there was something about being fully naked while he was still in his suit. If she wasn’t so desperate to come, she would drop to her knees and beg to take him down her throat.

“Get on the bed.”

She didn’t have to be told twice. She positioned herself on her hands and knees, hoping that’s what he was implying. She arched her spine and pressed her breasts into the mattress. Her nipples were so sensitive, even the brush of the sheets against them had her shuddering.

She felt the bed dip and then he was behind her, tracing his fingers down her spine and over her tattoo before grabbing her ass and pulling her cheeks apart ever so slightly. She knew he must be able to see the arousal leaking out of her.

“I can’t believe this is all for me.” His voice was quiet, sincere. “I’m so fucking lucky.”

“All for you.” She repeated in a whisper.

“Having you put your trust in me like this, Scully, knowing I’m fulfilling your deepest fantasies.” He swallowed thickly. “It’s so fucking sexy.”

He had started stroking her clit again, ever so gently, and she twitched, pushing her hips back against him.

“Please, Mulder.” Her voice cracked. “I can’t wait any longer.”

“Okay, baby. Okay.” He soothed.

She heard the buckle of his belt followed by his zipper and she clenched her thighs together. She didn’t know the sound of someone’s clothes could be so erotic.

Then he was there, nudging her legs apart and pressing against her entrance. He pushed inside her in a single stroke and they both gasped. Scully could feel herself spasming around him, the stretch of him exactly what she needed.

After giving her a moment to adjust, Mulder began to move. She pushed her ass back against him, meeting him thrust for thrust, and he groaned in approval.

“Fuck, that’s it, Scully. Just like that.” He gritted out. “You feel so fucking good.”

He gripped her hips as he started to speed up, his fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. She collapsed to her elbows. His cock was hitting her so deep over and over again and all she could do was lay there and take it while he pounded into her. It was perfect.

She ducked her head, bracing herself against his thrusts, and suddenly his fingers were threading through her hair and tugging. She jerked upright with a strangled cry but he caught her, his arm wrapping tightly around her waist.

“Oh fuck, oh God.” She chanted, his manhandling pushing her closer to the edge.

“You like that?” He asked, his lips brushing the shell of her ear.

“Uh-huh.” She panted, unable to nod due to his firm grip.

“You’re taking my cock so well, Scully.” He muttered hotly. “Such a good girl for me.”

She moaned, clenching around him, and he covered her mouth with his own, swallowing the noise. He kissed her roughly, messily, and she felt a fresh wave of arousal course through her.

How did she go her whole life without this? She felt utterly consumed by him, his tongue in her mouth, his hand in her hair and his arm around her waist, holding her tight. Her mind was beginning to drift into a different space, one where all she could focus on was him and being his.

Before she could register what was happening, he was shoving her roughly back down with a firm hand between her shoulders, covering her body with his own. She turned her head to the side, fisting the sheets and gasping into the pillow as his hips slammed against hers.

He leaned back, his hands on her ass again and she heard a groan that meant he must be watching his cock slip in and out of her. The thought alone could’ve tipped her over the edge but then one of his hands slid beneath her body to find her clit and her legs began to quake.

“M-Mulder, fuck.” She choked out. “Don’t stop.”

“You’re mine, aren’t you, Scully?”

His other hand slid up her spine to grasp the back of her neck and hold her down more firmly.

“Yes.” She cried. “Yours.”

He swore under his breath and it was all she needed. Her whole body tensed and then she was coming with a shout, shuddering around him and dragging him over the edge too.

Neither of them moved at first, content just to bask in the afterglow. Eventually, Scully started mumbling about feeling cold and Mulder pressed a kiss to her shoulder before slipping out of her and maneuvering her under the covers.

“Be right back.” He whispered.

He returned a moment later with a glass of water.

“Here you go, honey.” He said gently, handing it to her. “Have some of this.”

She took a few grateful sips, not realizing how hoarse her throat had become until that moment. As she drank, he shed the rest of his clothes and slipped under the covers beside her. She placed the glass on the side table and shifted closer to him, tucking herself into his embrace with a content sigh.

“Thank you.” She said, referring to more than just the water.

“Was that the kind of thing you had in mind?”

He stroked her hair gently and the tenderness from the very same man who had just fucked her within an inch of her life made her heart swell in her chest. She couldn’t ask for anything more.

“Better.” She admitted, tilting her head to meet his gaze and giving him a soft smile.

He hummed and pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

This. This was feeling alive.

[looniecartooni]

Ian said in a Bumblekast that Mimic might be asexual because he doesn’t actively seek relationships.

Ian also said in a Bumblekast that Mimic canonically has had a ten-year long- distance relationship with a guy he visits once a year on Valentine’s Day pretending to be someone different for the whole day as a personal joke.

Ian has also said in another Bumblekast that Mimic thinks he did nothing wrong by abandoning and sacrificing his crew members to Eggman, hence why he still keeps his uniform- because he thinks it’s his. Also, the reason why he did it was because he was too afraid of the deadly consequences that would have come out of him being caught by Eggman hence he saved his own skin- yada yada yada...

A lot of people have complained that Mimic seemed kind of one dimensional in Tangle and Whisper. While that is still kind of how I feel and I think Ian mentioned that it was mostly intentional to make the Diamond Cutters sort of one dimensional and not very depth filled because they were meant to serve as more of a backstory for Whisper and kind of Mimic and while Ian doesn’t mind redeemable villains, he feels a quality is lost to them when they are redeemed.

Look- I’m not saying Mimic is a redeemable villain. Ian has repeatedly said that he is “a bad dude” with a list of reason on why he thinks Mimic is irredeemable and evil. I also don’t know what Evan Stanley quite has in mind for him moving forward as she is now head writer and has at least had some say in his design (Ian mentioned that in an email from Stanley that Mimic’s face looks like a skull because he purposely shifted it that way to look more intimidating and she is responsible for a lot of the designs as well as characters like Clutch). But in Tangle and Whisper (and kind of the Bumblekast too when Ian was asked this), Mimic does have a moment of guilt for destroying the Diamond Cutters before re-rationalizing that he was in it for the rewards and that friends/connections are “weaknesses”. 

I don’t know if we’ll ever get a backstory or will ever need one for Mimic before he was a Diamond Cutter, but from what I’ve pieced together from Ian’s explanations and possible headcannons as well as what we’ve seen in the comics is... Mimic’s behavior could be due to the fact he personally doesn’t like connecting with people and he sees them as a means to get a reward.

One could interpret that as an evil behavior (as he did literally sent a bunch of kids to their death to save themselves. One who may have even had a crush on him). But one could also argue that maybe Mimic doesn’t fully understand social connections because he himself hasn’t shown much of an interest unless he gets something out of it. Not having a desire to seek out social connections is a completely normal, non-villain thing to do. 

And the fact he finds it funny or just a means to an end (Ian mentioned in another Bumblekast that if Mimic, Whisper, and Tangle were ever to team up, Whisper would be the first to crack and attack Mimic because “he’s a professional” and would do what they need to do while Whisper can obviously not shake off the trauma that Mimic caused her) sort of suggests that maybe he doesn’t quite realize the extent of his anti-social/ lack of connection need affects him. He also, according from what I remember from the Bumblekast, doesn’t think he did anything wrong with the Diamond Cutters.

Mimic does still have the ability to make connections with people. We’ve seen him briefly question his actions when he watched the playback of the Diamond Cutters congratulating him. His actions still aren’t forgivable- he’s not afraid to literally backstab his companions to save his own skin. But it makes me wonder... if he knew more about his lack of wanting to make connections a bit better rather than chalking up his feelings to “friendship is a weakness” and doing what benefits him just because... would he have still turned his back on the Diamond Cutters or would he at least feel a bit more regret for what he has done?

A little extra thing I want to put in is Ian also mentioned in another nother Bumblekast that Mimic doesn’t have a particularly favorite food. He just kind of eats what satisfies him when he needs it (although someone in the room with Ian said that he might like street food when that came up. I’m not sure on the validity on that one though- we’ll have to wait for further info). Kind of adds to the whole idea that Mimic is kind of just doesn’t really feel the need to make connections which is okay. How that need has affected his actions towards other people is not okay. I doubt this concept will be explored much further, but it adds some more depth to his character kind of.

[hausofmamadas]

RAÍCES DE DINARRÓN | Eso es mi pinshe espososa ... get your own, cabrón

✷✷✷ (For any and all Dinarrón content, refer to disclaimer in these posts) ✷✷✷

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From Narcos: Mexico, Season 3, episode 10 - Life in Wartime

Salud a mi gente, been a hot minute since I posted and proper screamed in all caps about Dinarrón. And let me tell you…… va a ser como un doozy. Y por qué? Porque esta escena fue la que comenzó todas las mensas shingaderas Dinarrón. Estamos?

Come sit on grand pappy’s lap and I’ll tell you a story. Months ago when I was recording some Dina scenes from Nmx for an IsaDina fanvid which is still a thing except I changed it so not really but like it sorta is... it’s fine I started noticing this thing where like, esp después de que se convierta la jefa de jefas but not just S3 -> see this post Barrón just seemed to ALWAYS be in the background of her shots? Which like, okay it’s not that weird. Mans haunts the edges of the whole show. He was following Mín around at the start of S3 when Mín was AFO big man on campus ... HOWMEVER

This fucking scene hit me right in the chesticle muscle they call that a heart? idk bc this happens after Min comes out of hiding and is Big Boss again. And like it’s awkwaaarrrd. Bc everyone’s a lil like, by everyone, I mean Pancho, Món, and obvious lover Barróncito “Cool Mín, you’re back! Glad you didn’t die, really swell. But Dina’s been holding down the fort like a regular Julius Caesar and her suits are sharper than yours imjustsosorry but I feel like??? she’s more in charge than you, hombre??? …also we're scared of her. Like when you get mad, you look much stress and stomp out of bday parties but when she gets mad, she strings ppl from freeway overpasses like wet laundry, so ….”

Bc lest we forget, this is the same ep Món finds Mayo and takes that tidbit to Dina, not Mín bc no one knows who’s in charge except they totally do and it’s totally Dina but they don’t want to make Mín cry in his soup when he just got back. And based on this scene, it seems Barrón is likewise unsure who’s in charge or he just not done following Dina around like a lost puppy bc he has functioning eyes and a functioning brain with which to process Dina’s extraordinary foxiness and can’t get enough ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who can say

᪥

Y estas pendejadas got me in such a tizzy bc:

a) The way it’s shot. Bc callate alaverga y moment of silence for how fucking cool this looks. Dinarrón aside, enserio I love this shot so much. The close-up on Dina's face, all emo in her feels she turns around, it’s blurry, only for Barrón to slowly come into focus. It's one of those sequences that makes me regret going to school for Physics. Sub pinshe Chapo and Cochi in here, and I'm still obsessed. But like also.... okay.... am I straight bonkers, or does it seem like a weirdly intimate way to frame a shot for two characters who’ve only directly spoken a total of THREE MF TIMES IN THE WHOLE SHOW?? AM I??? CRAZY??? these are rhetorical kthnx had it been Panchito or Món, that would make sense to me. It’s her brothers, we've witnessed heartfelt interactions btwn them, she's close with them. Like alone it isn't weird but like… why??? Barrón?? Legit talked 3 times, I've counted.

b) he refers to her by The Formal “Usthted”

c) again, I ask ignoring the like obv answer of look at his face why is he the one tasked with getting Dina and not one of her brothers?? Like is he still her bodyguard?? Even though Mín is back and presumably he should be up Mín’s ass again?? Or maybe Dina got to keep her clear, obvious lover and blatant malewife security since she was boss for so long???

REGARDLESS, none of it especially makes sense and none of it’s especially explained. And thusly, the only rational thing we can conclude in light of this irrefutable evidence is THEY BEEN FUCKIN.

᪥

And suuurree, you're prob thinking.... Kay. In no way is that the only explanation. And y'know, I couldn't argue with you joke's on you, I can always argue no matter how absurd the angle except the above. Let's unpack this. Barrón is escorting his Boss in life and love to this big ass fam meeting that Ceasar understudy #1 Mín has called to discuss future AFO moves. Dina's standing at one end of the table, Min seated at the other end so that sksksks depending how you look at it, they're both at the head of the table.

More importantly tho, the look SKSKS on Dina's face SKSKSK when Mín asks Barrón about the Amado search. Before that, she's enjoying her smoke, raisin’ her eyebrows at someone all cute-like. Then Mín pipes up, “still nothing on Amado?" Barron says no and Mín tells him to *snap snap* stay on it, sends him away. Her fuckin face when she looks at Mín..... at Barrón.... then back at Mín, is giving like:

".... this biiiiiiiiiiiiiish ....? Just exactly???? tf you think you are??? Ordering mi mano derecha, mi rayo de Luna, mi espososa, MY MALEWIFE, around?? Is he yours???? Oh, no??? Cause he's mine??? Maybe I wanted him to go look for Amado. Or maybe I wanted him to stand next to me so we could look like the sexiest, most devastating, color-coordinated One True Power Couple that ever was. MAYBE THAT'S WHAT TF I WANTED HIM TO DO, MÍN."

… Okay, so maaay have taken some liberties, maybe editorialized that last part unpoquito... but, for sure, just the last bit.

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taglist(have some gifs): @ashlingnarcos @cherixrosa @cherixsays @narcolini @cositapreciosa @purplesong1028 @criatividad-e @tinylittleobsessions @cigarettesaftersunset @carlislecullenisadilf @artemiseamoon @narcos-narcosmx @thesolotomyhan @southotheborder @mandaloria314 @bellinitini @ashlingiswriting @narcosmx @kesskirata @curaheed @alreadywritten