#even if i went to one of these things and made like 0 new connections but got some rad books or saw/made some art i'd be Happy!

[monster-noises]

Me: I understand if i want to make more connections and find more cool things to be a part of i have to get out there and Do things and got to Events; so I am going to try and go to some local art events!

My job: i thinK the fuck NOT!!!!!

[clonewarsahsoka]

There is a version of me that gave up uni after first or second year and didn't return to the city and just lives at home and works a min wage job or smth and maybe she's happier maybe she's not but she is definitely less stressed but also she doesn't have the friends that I do

[elcpsstuff]

Angsty? Okay.

How about some right person, wrong time stuff? Maybe reader feel first, like 8, but he just think of you like that, so you kept it to yourself. Then one year, since you love the idea of love, reader constantly gets into relationships, whether is good or bad, a serial dater. Finally, Conrad develops feelings, but also sees your dating history and is like “damn no chance”. Then more right person, wrong time trope. He gets a gf, reader pins, vice versa. 💕

The Right One // Conrad Fisher

synopsis: in which Conrad Fisher was the right one who never came at the right time.

a/n: i’m sorry guys.. it’s angst.. part 2? I’m planning it cuz this is sad. also sorry for being so inactive lmfao more coming soon! i’ve been working on my writing :) also lana del rey (specifically how to disappear) was the mood for this :0

warnings: in this fic, y/n is very traumatized. not only is she insecure and feels her love will always be unreciprocated, she is dealing with loss and her mind is scrambling. It will get much better as the story and part 2 comes. :)

—

There was many things in my life I knew, one of them being I had only loved one boy. Conrad Fisher. He was everything and nothing I could ever have at the same time.

Every year I would go to cousins beach, and right next door the Conklins and Fishers lived beside me. That was something I knew would never change.

Until everything did.

“Are you even listening to me?” Belly’s voice rang through my ears, but I wasn’t listening. My eyes were focused on the boy in the pool with Steven and Jeremiah.

“hm?” I looked at Belly who was anything but pleased with me, “oh, yeah.. sorry bells, what’s up?”

Belly’s mouth formed a sad smile, “You never told him.” I knew what she was saying but played the dumb and oblivious role. “Don’t look at me like that, yn. you know what I mean.”

I shrugged, “There was nothing to ever tell.”

There was. I just never did.

Falling for Conrad Fisher at eight years old was never the plan. But the heart wants what it wants.

I had been sitting on one of my mom’s new fancy pool chairs outside that she got for the house when a football bounced down on my pavement.

Immediately following, a boy peaked his head above the fence. He had a smirky type of mouth, one that made you want to kiss him. I had read enough romance novels to pin point that.

“Hey..” He sounded awkward and far off, and I could tell he was embarrassed. “My brother has a really bad throw.. could you maybe toss it over?”

I nodded, too afraid to speak. He was so… pretty.

I picked up the ball and attempted to toss it over, but the farthest it went was the bottom of the fence, and then to the ground. Crimson red took over my face immediately.

“Sorry.. i’m not really a football person.”

He laughed, and something about it seemed genuine. “How come i’ve never seen you around before?”

“We just bought the house. First summer here..” I awkwardly swung my foot back and forth, mentally cursing my social anxiety for being so bad.

“Nice.” He nodded, and there was a quick moment of silence before he added, “Well, maybe you could come over? I’m sure Belly and the boys would love you.”

And that was the beginning of something so wonderful and hideous at the same time. If only I knew.

“Anyways, are you bringing Matt to the party tonight?”

Matt.

Matt was another one of my soon to be failed hook ups. I wanted something real, but everything seemed to be a fail. Could that be because they weren’t Conrad? Maybe.

I loved the idea of love. Hell, I’d read so many romance books and listened to countless music albums and hyped it up. Yet, when the one I wanted didn’t want be back, I plummeted.

It’s not that I didn’t like any of my hookups. They were good, in that way. But as a connection? No.

“Yeah, he’ll be there.” My voice could tell Belly a million things.

“yn.”

“Yes?”

“I’m worried about you.” Belly shuffled into the seat next to me and grabbed my hands. “You say you’re fine, but I know you. It’s killing you inside, I know it is.”

It is. I’m dying inside. “I’m okay. Really. Tonight we’re gonna have some fun, okay?” I squeezed her hands to reassure her, and she nodded with hesitation.

“If you say so.”

—

“How about we get out of here?” Matt’s hand snaked around my waist and I grimaced. I needed more alcohol.

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” I lied, running through the crowd before anyone could say anything. Particularly, judgy Conrad who hadn’t liked any of my hookups.

Fate wasn’t on my side today.

“Hey!”

I turned around to see Conrad walking over to me. He looked so innocent and pretty; I wanted to smack him. I had loved the boy all these years and him being oblivious had turned to me resorting to hook ups. I was no better than my mother.

“You here with me?” Conrad waved his hand in my face and I faked a smile. My thoughts didn’t matter.

“Sorry, I was just grabbing a drink.”

Conrad sighed, “where’s Matty?”

I rolled my eyes, “His names Matt. And we’re about to get out of here.” I regretted the words right away because it would only push Conrad farther from me.

“y/n/n, why are you with guys like him? They’ll only ever prove to be bad for you.” He touched my arm softly, burned. I wanted to say you, idiot!

“What’s it to you? I saw nicole around here somewhere.”

Conrad rubbed his forehead, clearly running out of patience. “Nicole is my friend.”

“You didn’t look like friends.”

“Screw off, okay? It’s not my fault you’re bitter about how much you’ve changed. Everybody can see it.” His words hurt because they were true. I was different, but that was only because everything around me changed.

My mom couldn’t care less about me and my dad is somewhere in the world traveling with his new twenty year old girlfriend. My brother is gone. Gone.

The color drained from Conrad’s face, “I didn’t mean—”

“Excuse me, I have to get back to my classless hook up.”

With that, I walked away, but I didn’t go back to Matt. The tears burned as I locked myself into the bathroom upstairs, away from everybody.

I knew I had changed, I hated it even more than they did. Flashes of the car that killed my brother strayed in my mind and kept me up at night. My brother. Only two years older than me but my everything. Tate. I missed you. I miss you. Come back—

“yn, please open the door.” Conrad’s voice swept through my anatomy like sweet honey. Except I remembered what I wanted from him would never be possible.

No, instead, I would be forced to tolerate it. Tolerate what could never be mine.

“Go away Conrad.” My cheeks were littered with tears.

“Come on, y/n/n.. I didn’t mean it. You know I love you.”

But not like I want you to.

“I just miss you, what we had. We all used to be so close and after— I know. Okay? I miss him too. I know everything fell apart when he died and I fucking miss him too. But this isn’t the answer, just— let me love you.”

You can’t love me like I want you to.

I heard a sigh, and then footsteps faded. Then, and only then, the tears continued and didn’t stop until I couldn’t anymore.

—

I loved her. Her sweet angelic voice and her beautiful laugh. A laugh I could recognize anywhere. Even in a crowded room of hundreds. It was hard to miss.

Would she ever love me the way I wanted her to? Maybe not. But I still wanted her, in any way I could. Hearing her racked sobs at the party last night hurt. I wanted to hug her and tell her it was okay.

I knew I was harsh. Everybody knew it. I hated the boys she went home with though, who never treated her like she deserved. My sweet, sweet y/n/n. If only she saw herself the way I did.

That morning, I went to the guest room, where I know she had stayed. Nights like that resulted in Belly inviting her over instead of letting her go to her own house, in far of what might happen.

I knocked on the door slowly, “Yn? It’s me. I’m not here to fight— I just want to talk.”

Nothing.

“yn?”

Nothing.

I sighed, loosing patience. I wouldn’t play this game anymore. I opened the door quickly and my mouth dropped to see a guy in her bed. He had shorts on, thank gosh, but his chest was bare.

“What the fuck?”

I could hear disheveled noises coming from both of them and once she realized what was happening, she looked scared. mortified.

“Conrad—”

“I apologize and this is what you do? Really? Get with some fucker?”

“Conrad.” She said, more stern but with hurt. I stepped back, knowing my fucking jealousy had gotten in the way once again. It always did.

“Ah— fuck, my head.” The guy slurred, clearly half drunk. I didn’t want to hear it. Any of it. I was sick of loving someone who could never be mine.

“I’m not doing this.”

“Conrad—” She cried, but she would never be mine.

I left before she could say anything else.

—

I fucked up, again.

Joshua— (I think that’s his name?) left shortly after Conrad’s uproar. I hated that he saw, mainly because I was in bed with somebody who wasn’t even Matt, the guy I was talking to.

I went downstairs with the intention to apologize, and heard something else.

“Don’t say that, you know she’s going through things.” It was Belly’s voice.

“It’s just hard, Belly. We’re all going through it, but that doesn’t mean she can just go around with other guys who want to try it on her.”

My heart broke. Not only did he not like me, but he thought low of me.

“Connie, you know she wouldn’t be doing this if you were there for her. She’s always loved you.”

I winced.

“Bullshit, Belly. She doesn’t care about anybody but herself. I thought— that maybe we could— it doesn’t matter. She already has a terrible reputation so i’m not getting involved.”

Oh.

There was no way he loved me, but that didn’t mean he had to humiliate me.

I took the next train out of cousins that day.

—

IM SORRYYYYYY- there will be a part 2 and possible part 3? lmk what you guys want! :))

[insightfulllama]

ANYWAY HERE’S A MASSIVE LIST OF OBSERVATIONS AND THOUGHTS FROM REWATCHING THE CABIN VOD AHAHAHAHA

(Spoilers)

The first thing Ranboo clearly says is, “It wasn’t supposed to…be like this…” They are very disoriented and confused, verging on distress.

When the mask turns on, they panic and yell “no” several times, before standing and going, “Where am I?” and “This place sure looks weird!” in the NPC voice. I believe he knew something was wrong and was able to scream, but not anything more before they took full control. 

The NPC behavior isn't as obvious as it is in "Warehouse", but I definitely see it now that I'm looking for it. Pretty unsettling. 

Ranboo checks locations they had already looked at before the mask turned on. (The door, the bookshelf, the ashes, etc)

Ranboo can see us, but with the masks influence we appear as a “weird painting”. 

When he is flipping through the magazines and waiting for chat to decide where they go, he says, “These are just old pajamas.” I think that’s what they say, I have no idea what it means. 

When Ranboo first goes to look at the window, he bends out of frame and messes with something (I think the VHS’s) and says, “Those don’t seem too important.” Pretty interesting considering he later uses a VHS to communicate with the one trying to get him out. (Showfalls influence?)

He’s complained about his head hurting twice now, I think this may become a pattern

They find a set of teeth in the drawer

The red key is IN the red bat- mirroring how the key is in Slimecicle later? Did he have to dig into a dead animal to get it here as well and we just didn’t see it because of the mask? 

Ranboo’s spacial awareness seems impaired. He doesn’t know where Slime went because he can’t directly see him. This happens again later with Sneeg, Ranboo looking the entirely wrong way when Sneeg calls out. Both Slime and Sneeg call attention to this- “It’s a house, there’s door frames! How did you get inside if you do not know what a door is?” and “How do you not hear me?...How did you look over there, man?”

JUST realized the key colors match the “characters” we’ve been introduced to. (The Savior, The Taken, The Villain)  I don’t know if there’s further symbolism connected to where the keys are found and stuff but it’s pretty neat. 

When Slime does the pinkie swear promising that Ranboo can leave after he does the cooking challenge, they have their fingers crossed behind their back. 

Slimy Guts is one of the available ingredients, bit sus considering our new knowledge. Also chinese leftovers got 0% of the votes LOL

The random cutaways are kinda strange. Don’t know what to make of them. 

Ranboo uses a pretty big knife to open a little package of slime, is instructed to “beat up” the food and call it names, and later he offers to cut Slime off the floor when he gets stuck. I think there’s a good chance ranboo stabbed someone and made a meal with their guts. Or something in that vein. (Several times Ranboo points out that these aren’t REAL ingredients and he doesn’t know how someone could eat it. What’s happening is probably so horrifying that he can’t imagine it as something normal like chicken, so his brain is substituting with stuff that’s weird but TECHNICALLY not morally reprehensible.)

Fridge says “BEHIND YOU” on it

Gummy worm was in the freezer, body parts can be kept in freezers, idk

Someone really likes mayo, cause they stopped it when it was on the turntable and gave the camera a thumbs up

Slime tries the meal but he’s really reluctant and needs specific circumstances to do it. If the theory of the meal being human guts it true, the hesitation probably didn’t have anything to do with airplane noises…

What is in the backgrounds of these cutaways? It’s so blurry idk, I can’t tell. It’s sort of purply. 

The dish in the end turns to slime with all the possible ingredients mixed in, even the ones we didn’t pick. In universe it reinforces that our choices don’t really matter, from a meta perspective it’s probably so they only had to make one slime prop. 

The timing of the marshmallow string stretching as slime tries to feed ranboo is HYSTERICAL, golden comedic timing

The mask starts blinking when ranboo gets the tape message. 

The person on tape instructs Ranboo “not to resist”. I believe this is said in the second message as well. Perhaps they don’t want Ranboo drawing attention to themself

Like in the room they woke up in, Ranboo checks areas multiple times, seemingly with no memory of the first time he checks. He does the exact same “flashlight in the eyes” gag each time he picks it up. It really enforces that in this moment he is a puppet, not making his own choices. 

“What’s over here?” NPC!Ranboo back in full swing with this dialogue. 

Ranboo did the cooking game, Sneeg didn’t. Sneeg refused to kill? Maybe cause he didn’t have a mask? Hmmm idk

The baby skull on a background shelf has a MASSIVE forehead

Light starts flickering when slime appears

What does the fight between evil sneeg and ranboo mean? Maybe they were both trapped and had a fight?? What does it mean without the obscuring mask? 

Ranboo is able to get sneeg out of slimes influence, and sneeg says a few times afterward that he’s immune now. Ranboo can help people get out of Showfalls influence? (The gooey hat does bring Sneeg out of the influence later, extension of that Ranboo effect?)

When Sneeg looks to see if Slime is in the box, there is a “shhhh” sound effect

Sneeg says Frank is his eyes and ears- was Frank a whistleblower, feeding information about Showfall to the outside? Unsure

Goo chest- possibly full of human bits? Corpse in a trunk is a pretty common trope

Jello on the shelves of Slime’s room

Same picture that was on the fridge is in a frame on the table

Ranboo looks at the mirror the same way twice, reinforcing the NPC vibes

Another false choice- the story only progresses if you go to sleep. Talking to Sneeg only gets some more NPC dialogue. Most of sneeg’s other dialogue sounds genuine, so this is strange.

Sneeg seems unable to move or act while ranboo is asleep

Could the eight hours that passed be literal? If things are obstructed by the mask it very well could be

“You would have known had you been awake!” Before the reveal of the mask making things look different I thought the streams were going to be revealed to be a dream. Clearly it’s not entirely a dream, but this dialogue is still fun. 

SHARK PICKLE LOBSTER TIME!! What would this be in real life? An actual human experiment? Security dogs? Full on hallucination?

This is a pretty funny way to promote the merch honestly lol (referring to ranboo using his merch to trick the thing into cage)

Ranboo seems baffled by his idle fighting animation for a second. He says, “Why am I just standing here? What’s going…” and when the camera pulls back the mask is flickering. 

When Slime sends his ghouls to grab Ranboo I believe he tries to move out of the way. They kind of jerk a bit, like they're trying to move their feet, before saying, “Why can’t I just- get out of here? I just need to get out of here-” The mask is once again flickering during this

After the fight the mask starts flickering a LOT, plus the other lights in the cabin. Tv comes back on. 

The TV man is named Hetch? He says, “My name is-” I think he says Hetch? Unsure

Mans gets drugged up at the end, rip

[mcromwell]

i hope i can be a professional artist like you one day. i just.. dunno where to start, since i'll never be able to handle college.

Don't sweat the college thing. If no one's paying for it, it's not worth it to go to college for art. Especially fine art, what I do. Hot take for someone who did, in fact, go to college. I only went because my folks pre-paid for state college credits with an installment plan state program. (Look, my middle class privilege!) But honestly, you don't need to go to art school to do the type of stuff I do. I don't even think I got as much out of my education as I could have (due to being socially anxious I made 0 connections and overworked myself taking care of too many pets/working retail/going to school/living away from home/dating someone who sucked). I learned a lot, sure, but I squandered the most important thing a fine art degree gets you: art world connections. (And college didn't teach me fuck-all about how to run an art business by yourself, only how to do it the traditional, rub-elbows-with-gallery-owners way, which is morally fucked imo).

If you want to make art, sell it to private collectors for a living, or do commissions, that type of thing, the only thing you gotta do is

draw all the time

get better at it (on purpose or by the natural consequence of just doing it a lot)

learn how to speak kindly and encouragingly to yourself so you don't lose momentum

Start with drawing what makes you happy. When you get bored, challenge yourself. Take a class. Buy a good instructional book. Network with other artists in similar situations as you. Try new things, even things that you don't think will pan out. Always keep your eye on getting better, but don't put yourself down for not being there yet.

If I can do it, you can, too! It's a long journey! I'm 33, in the lowest tax bracket, but happy and making as much art as I want, which is how I like to structure my life for myself the organism to thrive.

[factual-fantasy]

25 askskssss

@elegysonnet

I don't know anything about Geno so he's not currently in the AU. But if I gathered enough info maybe I could add him somehow. Like I did with Rosalina! :00

As for the Error Sans thing, I'm actually not personally a fan of all the crazy Sans AUs. Error Sans, Ink Sans, Dream Sans, Nightmare Sans, Fresh Sans, Geno Sans, Horror Sansss,,, uhg, I'm personally not a fan. So none of these world destroying Sans or other similar individuals exist in my Multiverse. So my squad doesn't have to worry about them <XD

My redesign plans for Kinger was just to give him a fluffier coat basically XD And I didn't have anything in mind for Jax..

Also thank you! :DD

@deadspooderman (I blocked out the art, I don't wanna be a reposter!)

I think I've watched a few episodes before but I don't remember them..

Although I can see myself liking that Sensei character. XD What's his name.. Sensei Wu..?

Thank you, I hope the same for you! :DD

As for Jevil, the poor guy's currently still awake at like 2 AM to keep the groups fire going.. :(

GASSPPP.. THEY CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY??? RUNNING TO NETFLIX RN-

@milk-powrit

Right now the main difference that I made up is that Undertale humans are significantly more powerful than Deltarune Humans.

DR Humans and Monsters are the same in terms of strength. For example, Kris and Susie's soul are of the same value and strength. Because they're both Lighteners. They're one in the same.

Meanwhile in Undertale, Humans and Monsters are very different creatures. Determined UT Humans, even determined children have the power to rewrite time. Meanwhile I headcannond that DR humans, even if they had determination.. cannot rewrite time like Frisk can.

All of this is completely made up and doesn't really align with the games, I'm aware- its just some fun XDD

@octonauts16

Becuase I haven't felt like it XD

THANK YOU!!! :DDDD I'M GLAD YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE! :DDD

@beryl-shade

I feel like canon Seam definitely does. But my Seam and Jevil don't have stuffing. The two of them are very much organic creatures with flesh and blood.

Spamton is fleshy too kind'a.. Spamton is a living creature but maybe less fleshy and more... bone..y...?? They're all strange XDD

Thank you! I don't intend on drawing anything new for my Kirby AU.. but who knows, maybe I will someday? Or heck maybe if I can remember to, I could dig around for some of the doodles I already made for it? :0

Also its not a FNAF comic that I'm working on.. but thank you anyway! <XD

He's meant to sound like a pirate, soooo yesn't? <XD Also thank you!

Ah, that's my bad. I've unblocked her. But take note! Part of the reason why I probably blocked that person was also due to a lack of posts. You're on Tumblr man, you gotta reblog stuff!

Ah don't worry, I'm likely to get back around to Octonauts sometime soon :}}

Upon Googling them I think I recognize them! I like the green one XDD

WAIT!! WHAT IF THEY'RE LACTOSE INTOLERANT???

@2006-stupid-thatsme

oooo that's a good question.. uhhhhh.... currently? I'd say maybe its the FNAF AU I've got going on :000

By father I assume you mean Natquik? If so, Barnacles was never angry or resentful towards him. My version of Barnacles thought Natquik was dead, because he disappeared many years ago and no one had any idea where he went..

Barnacles was rather grief stricken over Natquik. He wondered for years what happened to his old mentor and friend..

When it turned out he was alive, and had just been stranded in the Antarctic all these years? It was heartbreaking. Barnacles was so happy to see him alive but also so saddened by the situation he had been in for so long.. Barnacles immediately set to have the Gup-I repaired and a solid radio connection between it and the Octopod to be established.

Later on when he formed the Octo-agents. I headcannond that the very first person Barnacles went to recruit was Natquik. Telling him all the benefits of being an Octo-Agent. And he would say things like "If something ever happens to you out here, we have the funds and the means to be out here in less than an hour. If you're ever hurt o-or sick? We can be here. We can help you. You'd never be alone again.."

Natquik took the offer partially because Barnacles would clearly be more at ease if he did. But also to have a secure connection to the outside world? And if that connection is ever lost, a team of capable individuals will immediately go and search for him? It was just too good to pass up.

@djadecutie

When I get back around to the comics it will be just like it was before. A comic probably split into 2-4 parts and uploaded when ever I'm able to finish them. 🤷‍♂️

Also thank you! :DD

@crimson-thinker

What's Foxy's grief stereotype/virus method? I'm not quite sure I understand the question so forgive me if I give the wrong answer.. But I'm thinking that means "what is Foxy's mental situation in the swap AU?" If that's the case, his mental state can be described in 1 sentence. "He refuses to move on."

Partial Swap Foxy was deeply effected by the loss of Freddy and Chica. So much so that he kind'a acts like.. they're still around.?

The other animatronics have cut out anything Freddy/Chica related in their lives. But for Foxy, the act of removing/avoiding everything Freddy/Chica related just makes the grief more painful. To him it feels like he's discarding their memory. Like doing that is saying they didn't matter or shouldn't be remembered. It just makes them feel more dead..

Foxy is the only animatronic that will go back to that old show stage. Sometimes in his darkest times he will talk to the stage. As if Freddy and Chica are still standing on it and can hear him..

When talking to Gregory, he is similar to Freddy. Acting all chipper and like nothing is wrong. Though if Freddy and Chica are mentioned.. he wouldn't avoid the subject like Freddy would. He would talk about them, even if it rips him up from the inside. He would answer all of Gregory's questions about them and tell him stories. Even if it brought him to tears and their memory was almost too painful to bear. Foxy refuses to let go of the past. And despite how painful it is, he keeps dragging the past around with him like a dead weight. Freddy does the same thing but as he drags the past around he refuses to look at it. If.. If that makes sense--

Basically- Freddy and Foxy are both stuck in the past. But Freddy refuses to acknowledge that he is. And Foxy openly acknowledges it, even if it kills him inside..

(Also note: The main obstacle that Foxy would pose to little Vanessa is that Foxy is faster than Bonnie. And as a Glamrock, Foxy is pretty tough. So if he finds out that Bonnie is hiding a child in his stomach hatch? Well.. he might just have the means necessary to catch Bonnie and rip her out.. :x )

For the second question! Partial swap Freddy is more openly miserable than Classic Bonnie, yes.. But he doesn't miss the singing and the spot light. He misses his friends and making kids happy.

Seeing how sad all his friends are.. seeing how messed up Foxy is.. how defeated Bonnie is.. that's what depresses him. That's what makes him cry..

Thank you! I'm so glad you like him! :DDD

I imagined that Freddy just threw the old clothes away. They were really dirty and torn and Gregory didn't care about them.

He probably took some trash out of a bin, put the clothes in and then put the trash on top. Effectively burying the clothes so that no one would see it.

AAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! :DDDD✨💜💖✨

@ocinstituterep

1: ReBLOGS, are allowed. RePOSTS, are NOT allowed. 👌

2: My Glamrock Freddy is probably pretty depressed :( and his depression has had years to develop and get slowly worse. 7-10 on the depressing scale.

But partial swap Freddy? His life just came crashing down. So he may also be depressed now, but he hasn't had any time to really develop it. Probablyyyy a 4-10?

@dragon-fly34

I'm glad you like my AU! But sorry! I don't take requests and I don't personally support that ship.. <:/

[octoqueen10]

Daphne's First Social Media

TW:self doubt, negative self talk

(This is going to be a multipart series of Daphne learning her relationship with the internet)

(I know the timeframes could be off but bear with me for the sake of the plot)

Daphne wasn’t good at anything. She wasn’t strong like Jason or smart like Stephanie or fast like Jessica or creative like Fiona or anything. She was just average at best, forgettable at worst. The only positive thing anyone ever seemed to have to say about her was how pretty she was and her parents were so incredible. She knew, even in seventh grade, that she was destined to be another forgettable wannabe who died alone. There was nothing she could do about it except to wait for the inevitable to happen.

Then something unexpected happened. People started talking about these new ways to connect, through social media and short form content. Daphne always knew social media existed, but never really put any weight behind it. Her parents didn’t really use social media to promote themselves, and neither did most of the truly rich and famous people she knew. Then she researched how much money and fame people could get on a 30 second video. If somebody was determined, they could become a millionaire. The one thing Daphne had in spades was determination, so she figured it would be harmless and made a video, low quality and effort with 0 thought put into it, and went to bed. It was a travel video, something Daphne would become known for and was very simplistic. 

When she woke up, the video had 18 views. 18 people had seen her video. She was instantly obsessed with the idea and began to create more and more content, eventually going viral after 3 months, with 7 million people viewing her video. She neglected everything else in her life, locking her mind on her social media and what people thought about her, changing who she was. She poured hours everyday into studying trends and changing herself and her content to fix these trends. Eventually, her account exploded with her having nearly three thousand followers by the end of her seventh grade year. She may not be strong or smart or fast or creative but she could be what she always wanted to be. Famous. Nothing else mattered. Her problems would disappear if she was famous and her stepmother and father would finally accept her for who she was, not who they wanted her to be. Fame is all that matters. Fame is the only thing that truly makes Daphne happy. Daphne is a failure without fame. Being famous would fix everything and finally make her lovable. Her family tried to reason with her but they couldn’t understand the need Daphne had to finally be somebody independent of her family for once. She had to be different or else she wasn’t special and maybe she really was worthless. Daphne placed her entire self worth into what strangers thought of her on the internet, what could go wrong?

[x-lucifera]

So I've seen Boom

Just so you know

SPOILER ALERT

My thoughts on Season 14 Episode 3:

First of all, why is it numbered as 4 on Disney+? It's so weird. Specials are 0, or "specials".

There are subtitles in my language to this. That's an improvement to most previous seasons I had to make subtitles myself if I wanted to show the show to somebody else.

And also I just found out there is Polish dubbing made to this. Like... WHAT?! It was uncomfortable to watch... Even for this exactly 15 seconds before I noticed it.

Oh, and I have finally seen this "Disney+ Original" - I laughed so hard I woke up half of my neighbours xD

About an episode - it felt better than previous ones. Singing took me off guard again, even tho it seems we have musical-ish sequence in every episode so far. Which is interesting. But also weird.

Again, I have a problem with the timeline, so if someone could explain this issue, I would be ever so grateful. We met Vilengard again and this is set about 3000 years in the future (based on Ruby's calendar age). But didn't Nine blow the factory up at this point? Because we know he did, and there was supposed to be a banana plantation. (Bananas! Bananas are good!)

I didn't like this thing with Canto. First, he shot Ruby without any question - after I finally started to like her, ffs. And then they had 3 minutes to bomb blow up but they had this oddly long talk... I mean, lovely, love in the middle of war (*cough* with an empty planet *cough*), but the timing was so weird. And this whole sequence... Well, I cringed a bit.

I love the fact that in this season we have hugs back. I love the hugs. I missed it, there were too few hugs previously xd

The Doctor looks absolutely FANTASTIC in his new outfit, but when do we find out his Outfit (TM)? So far there is nothing connected to him. 9 had his black leather jacket and heavy boots, 10 long swishy coat, pinstripes suit and too many shirts underneath (on more than one occasion), 11 with his bowtie (that was absolutely cool I don't care what people say!! ... I also started wearing one, cuz why the hell not), 12 and this lovely magician-like piece with red accents, 13 and her beautiful sky blue coat (btw I want it so bad), 14 and his too-tight blue-this-time suit, and 15? What about 15? We are 3 episodes into the season c'mon! (And I found out there is 8 episodes?! So it's almost half-season)

Was it rushed? I don't know. It didn't feel like it much. At least not to the point with Canto. After this weird situation, it went really quick. Oddly quick.

I liked the message of this episode, even tho it kinda came out of nowhere.

The overall rating is 8/10 for me. On to the next!

[lonicera-edulis]

Yknow how in isekai it's always truck-kun who isekai's the protagonists? Who or what would isekai the hobbit characters :0 (also, saw a reverse isekai au drawing and i think it was you, but i have horrible memory aH. But it was very cute :D)

I am afraid I didn't watch much of isekai stuff (it must be a big thing for anime and I don't watch anime, so I am unaware of truck-kun thing; and for other stuff I can only mention The 10th Kingdom or Voyage of the Unicorn and suchlike stuff where it is usually some magical portals/vehicles between two worlds).

• In my first reverse isekai AU I thought that the characters just went though invisible barrier that got broken for some reason (I don't know what reason yet and if it is even needed to be explained in the story).

I will put the rest to make post shoter as usual and if anyone is interested in these at all since I already kinda answered your question.

Before that I need to explain that these forms of characters are not them originally, but reincarnated or after-life forms, and they live in secluded places where modern Men can't get to. And thus Bilbo would be lured (by a distant song through the forest) from the after-life place of the hobbits, and dwarves would dig from below (in legendarium it is said that dwarves digged deep uderground and they were never seen again; could be that they also got instinct, while hobbits were hunted down, but I made it so that dwarves just lived all these eras very deep in earth).

I had some sketch for the beginning actually (from summer 2022 when I only got into fandom). This is how Bilbo reunited with his dwarves, but no one of them remembers their past lives, and they will be finding some puzzles while trying to get back to their homes.

I even made a rough draft of a map, need to redraw it some day to look pleasant. The other thing I like in this AU is that Gimli and Legolas are already in this modern world (made Gimli immortal, ok, I can't separate him and Lego, they are a set now forever; and elves were allowed to return to this world, but with a good set of rules for them to live among humans; plus Thranduil never left the place, imagine how cranky he has become after living through so many years and not having 'elven therapy'). Also in my mind (yet) there is just a such bittersweet scene between Gloin and Gimli (because this time Gimli wasn't born to him). This AU is actually a huge thing because I could still focus on a big story with many characters, unlike current time (I need to patch my mental health up first to continue working on any of my AUs).

• My second reverse isekai AU is where only Bilbo appears in a modern world. (Here is a first sketch explaning about dwarves in this world and elves are like in a previous one.)

Here it is his after life form, put in earth (under the oak, heh) to sleep until the end of times. Thorin digs him out accidentely, and Bilbo then is 'reintroduced' to all of The Company. There will be problems of course, since he is supposed to slumber and modern world is kinda depressing him, but all my stories have good ends as usual.

Also in none of these stories there is a good explanation why all these characters meet each other again and again, and not living new lives with new people. Can only explain it by their connections from past lives, although it can be not in favor to some who will decide to check on these AUs.

• I had an isekai AU too actually, where Bilbo is a writer, and gets into his own story he is writing. Not sure I will elaborate further on this idea though.

And these are just my alternatives for modern AUs, so they are imperfect and silly of course. Breaking many rules of Tolkien/'movieverse in some cases too' world (I do like when there is maximum of original rules, although I myself can't keep them in my head when thinking of AUs), and making up some unexplainable nonsense. So don't take them serious.

[prozac-shaped-urn]

While I have a lull in this migraine imma try and plot out some shit to see if I can hit the nail on the head a second time in S3 of Hacks.

I forget where I saw a spoiler/hint interview with JPL back in fall 2022 but I remember Deb has a boytoy this season, so I'll be going down that train of thought first. And if I've somehow just made that tidbit up, then I've made that up but I still maintain this is the direction she's going, so fuck it.

Deb has a bit of a sexuality crisis in 204. Maybe crisis is a strong word. A questioning moment. She has a questioning moment at Ava's suggestion and follows through with it even though Marla was literally playing her to get a refund. At the end of the cruise, she's pissed and lesbophobic vitriol goes everywhere -- we all know the story by now. But regardless of whether or not she actually hates lesbians, she bought Marla a drink and enjoyed her company. 1 - 0 for the dykes.

In S2, Deb acquiesced and agreed bisexuality is a thing and that lesbians aren't terrible, hit on that one comedy chick by examining her hand size, and had a one night stand with Casper the Friendly Ghost. Oh, and she 100% realized she needs Ava to be ok, and ok means not having Deb in her life so she doesn't take up all the room in Ava's career. 4 - 0 for the queers.

So how and why do we get to the fucking boytoy?

In most late-life sexuality discoveries, things don't go in a linear direction. Unlearning takes time and it goes the way anything someone's uncomfortable with goes. You get to a level you are comfortable with then move on to the next one and so forth. And at this point, Deb is comfortable with a boytoy. If she went directly from Marty's bed to Ava's bed (outside of flinging the sheets off of her in a rage), that wouldn't be realistic nor healthy. It would mean something was so deeply disturbed inside her that she wouldn't be open with herself to acknowledge her true feelings one way or the other, and she would instead be hoping Ava would fix that disturbance, which is so totally not Ava's job. But. The fact she listens to Kiki and decides to take a chance and fuck Casper I mean 'follow the fun' means she's open to unlearning that one thing she's held onto since 7th grade when it comes to her sexuality. She's letting go and letting new ideas in, and she has a boytoy, which means step 1 of Deb's sapphic realization has begun, folks!

Onto fabulous bisexual disaster Ava Daniels.

Oof babes. She's head WAY over heels and Deb knows this. I don't think Ava actually realizes what's happened. She just knows she doesn't wanna be anywhere Deb isn't, and I think part of that is instinctual -- meaning she's feeling wholly and truly loved and accepted and seen by someone other than her dad for the first time in her life -- and part of it is likely due to her insecurities when it comes to The Business. I mean fuck! Deb has clout and connections spanning back 50 years. She holds conference with Liberace, the mayoress of Vegas and Wayne Newton without issue. She kicked the mayoress out of her mansion when she got too annoying ffs. Who in their right mind WOULDN'T want to take advantage of that! Never mind that this is precisely what I'm going through in my own life. Ava has a lot of growing to do in her career and in her emotional intelligence. She has as much catching up to do with that as Deb does with sexuality. I don't have any Ava hints, so I'll take a wild stab in the dark and guess Ava's doing really well professionally. Like reeeeally well. Almost unbelievably well. Unrealistically well. Like Deb's maybe pulling a lot of strings because she can't stand to see Ava fail. And maybe she'll be able to lure Ava back so they can have a stand-off in Deb's foyer or something. Just a guess. I'll honestly be stunned if this is legit.

As far as trajectory, I'm thinking we have some growing and moving around to do in 8 episodes and that's not a lot of time so it'll probably move fast. (The first ep is 60 mins, so like.... they're gonna pack a lot of shit into very limited time frames and we all gotta pay close attention because not everything will be dialogue. There are 8 eps this season including 301, so we got 4.5 hours of this season to work with folks.) Highlights of my thoughts are as follows:

Deb won't come out yet but she'll have some sapphic realizations she runs by Ava to see if they're actually sapphic and not some kind of weird 'what is this feeling' moments. Dearest Darlingist Momsie and Popsicle...

Deb will decide to be more open with Ava about how she feels in general but also how she feels about Ava! She'll want to be closer to Ava by the end of the season and we'll have more apologies and metaphoric funerals to look forward to with that.

Ava will have success in her career ventures even at the expense of her physical connection to Deb because Deb will truly support that growth and Ava will know she has "a home to come back to" n shit so she'll be more amenable to the idea of pursuing that goal. I suspect a solid attempt at success and a final separation from Deb by the end of S3. Think balcony scene all over again but with elated smiles instead of tears... except maybe from the fangirls.

Ava and Marcus will have a come to Jesus moment. One of them will win the fight for Deb's affection and it won't be Marcus.

Marty won't show up in person but he'll likely be referenced a few times, either in dialogue or visually (as in we'll see a shot of the Palmetto or Deb's special is played etc.) Same goes for Frank and flashback clips of Who's Making Dinner? or DJ telling a story about him etc. This will be to remind everyone of where Deb started and where she's going emotionally and with her sexuality.

Kayla and Jimmy are gonna be a riot this season. Pure unhinged comedy gold with these two. Paul and Megan are now series regulars, so expect more of this situational-physical comedy in coming seasons. ~My body is ready.~

Deb's Vegas residency will founder because that's just good dramaturgy. Ava may or may not come to the rescue on that. I'll be interested to see where she stands in terms of her desire or lack thereof to help Deb and whether it'll be from a place of genuine concern or out of guilt or out of spite or out of having something to lord over Deb's head. I wouldn't be surprised if any or all of that is her reason to help or not help.

Ava and Nina... Jesus h Christ on a stick. Yeah these two have some major bumps to work out this season.

Deb and DJ also have some major bumps to work out this season and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE DEB BECOME A GRANDMOTHER I WILL SOB UNCONTROLLABLY FOR A WEEK I AM SO READY AND I AM SO TOTALLY NOT AND I AM TERRIFIED OF NO LONGER HAVING KLONOPIN TO NUMB MY EMOTIONS AND BEING BOMBARDED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT DEB IS HOLDING A LITTLE SLICE OF HER OWN DNA WITH THE CARE SHE HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO GIVE IT BUT NEVER GOT TO GIVE IT BECAUSE OF HER OWN NEGLECTED EMOTIONS AND BEING SO SCARED OF OPENING UP THAT MUCH GAAAAADDDDDDUUUUHHHHHH never mind that this is precisely what i'm going through in my own life istg this show is a full body mirror and i am staring in disbelief

Storytelling style is likely gonna be a back-and-forth between Vegas and LA in every ep instead of every other ep. I'd be interested to see it come alive in a flashback style tbh but that would probably be too confusing for a comedic tone. Back-and-forth will stop once Ava returns to Vegas, obvs.

I'm still banking on Deb loaning Ava her LA mansion at some point. I'm also banking on a series finale that includes a song by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young as the end credits backing track. Paul saw that on my insta story a couple years ago. I have no idea why. But he knows my headcanon now, so if I end up meeting him IRL I will double down on that. And the biggest crocodile tears will spring from my eyes if it's "Our House".

What the fuck ever JPL and co. have to throw at me I WILL DEVOUR LIKE A RABID SQUIRREL HIGH ON THE FRUITS OF 400 YEAR OLD OAK TREES no questions asked.

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

[phlurrii]

Alright, ALRIGHT, I’VE ALMOST GOT IT DANGIT I ALMOST *HAVE* IT. So everyone analyzing the edgy Noe animation bust out our notepads and cork boards because I have INFO TO SHARE.

Okay, so, we’ve already got the first captive of Noe established: Dialga, the Temporal Pokemon.

The next captive is hard AF to freaking see, but if you zoom in enough you see the anti-matter space worm snake dragon thing known as Giritina, the Remegade Pokemon

So Noe captures both the god of controlling Time and the personification of antimatter, two of the 3 creation trio.

As for the one he is facing…let me just say…the lack of images of legendary pokémons’ backs made this borderline maddening because I STILL CANNOT SAY FOR CERTAIN, **BUT** I believe the one whom Noe wishes to be is actually the space Barney known as Palkia, the Spatial Pokemon.

I ONLY GOT A SIDE VIEW BUT I THINK ITS CLOSE OKAY? It’s not Meau, that’s for sure, and I really don’t think it’s Arceus based on the head shape but it might just be a perspective issue.

Now, the only powers we’ve seen know use are appearing from the shadows and duplicating items (berries and tea), and we know he deals with “errors” (which could mean a lot of things physics-wise) but not ghosts (which are incorporeal and thus lack matter). So, despite their appearance, they may be more connected to Palkia than we may have been lead to believe.

Palkia is known to have powers to warp space, travel to faraway places or other dimensions, connect dimensions through dimensional portals, DESTROY SPACE ITSELF, and even be able create a new universe BY ITSELF or with Dialga. And, unlike a glitchy Noe, it is said that space becomes MORE STABLE with Palkia's every breath.

The implications this holds are wild and not fully understood. Was their role originally like Palkia’s but something went wrong? Did Giritina create Meau as an attempt to make something like Palkia and/or Meau to create and later populate its own universe with its own kind of pokemon but something went terribly wrong? It’s very hard, and might even be too early to say what the source of this identity crisis is for Noe, especially since he isn’t directing it at Meau, but what do y’all think?

Why did Noe need to take control of time and antimatter? Why Palkia? Where’s Arceus when his kids are fighting like this? I know the truth will be revealed eventually, but I love playing around with the ideas for what it may be.

Roll OUT the red carpet you have NAILED IT.

Noe is indeed holding Dialga on his left and Giratina on his right, while facing down Palkia. Why he is doing it, what he wants from Palkia, what his motivations are, what brought him to this point, where Arceus is, where Meau is, and everything else about this situation will be revealed in Noe’s eventual origin arc! But both you and @givemeuniversalcrossovers guess this correctly! With @mel-the-pirate breaking down that first gate with the Dialga guess! Good job you three ;0! Also everyone else who sent in theories, ya’ll each got tidbits here and there correct, genuinely impressed by it!

Given I purposely doodled that animatic to be misleading as all heck, round of applause and head pats to everyone ;D! As I get closer to moving I’ll probably slow down a lot on the story till everything’s sorted, but we’ll be spending some quality time with Mewtwo and the mews for a bit! Then once I’ve established everything I wanted too, we’ll move on to Noe’s arc and ya’ll will finally get your answers! But I’ll still drop lil animatics of him here and there to feed the flames, as well as continue to sprinkle hints throughout. A lot of Noe’s arc is being sketched on and worked on alongside the current story as otherwise it’d take forever to actually get out lol

[s0lar-ch3ri]

hey new draft making

i keep putting this off, but it today arrives! a ramble about ryan selucreh to fill tghe tag for once

(spoilers for mythborne ahead BUT ITS BEEN OUT FOR A WHILE FOR FREE NO PATREON REQUIRED PLEASDE CHECK IT OUT I NEED MORE MYTHBORNE FRIENDS IN MY JRWI MUTUAL CIRCLE)

so who even is ryan selucreh? well, hes a football jock and a big oaf, the stereotypical strong dumb athlete kid. however, theres more to ryan that we're diving into, years after the oneshot ended!

one thing to note on ryan is how his powers were gotten in a mix of ways aster and connor did. aster was born with them (assumed cause goddess mother), connor got them from a book (recieved from searching, wasnt born with it), ryan got his powers from squats. silly, sure, but like i said, its like the inbetween of the two. he has the power himself and doesnt need a book for them or anything, but he wasnt born with them either. i also wanna note how asters powers are like life (plants and the sun, both can symbolize life) and connors powers are like death (decay and disintegrating, both are related back to death), but ryans powers cant be "like" anything. its not something super showy, hes just super strong (strong enough to rip a mountainin half im pretty sure was confirmed).

lwts get into those comments ryan made, and how its reflected across the 3 episodes. yeah, the comments on faking his personality around people and how he doesnt know who he is anymore.

first showing of this is with the j crew. charlie gave a good idea (he was nicknamed jyan), but condi says he told them that. granted, it was probably to be funny, but theres other options to that. ryan missaid his name out of nervousness, the j crew misheard him, he wrote his name really wrong, so many different options that also are pretty comedic. yet, ryan told them he was jyan to join their team.

on the floatball jersey he wears, they didnt even have a 10 for him, simply a jersey with a 1 and a "poorly painted 0". did someone else use the 10? why didnt they have one? another way ryan changed for people symbolically, wearing one number but being another.

ryan joins in with the omnious curse speech despite it not being planned. an attempt to keep fitting in with his group there.

hell, ryan even was an ass to connor before when he was with the j crew, yet wasnt when he was with connor and aster alone.

he even goes out of his way to try and save asters dad, an act of carrying for her and her father. hes such a friendly and caring dude that hes trying to fit in with them all to keep up their friendships.

thats what makes the whole "i dont have a real personality" line mean so much. because he really doesnt. all that can be seen as his personality is simply to appeal to another person.

HELL IM FUCKING CONNECTING IN THE FACT THAR RYAN WAS A HISTORY MAJOR TO THIS! WHO EXPECTS THE JOCK TO LIKE HISTORY? NOT ME, I THOUGHT THAT WAS CONNOR, AND THATS WHY ITS SO INTERESTING, CAUSS NOTHING LEADS YOU TO BELIEVE RYANS INTERESTED IN THAT SHIT!!! ryan barely talks about his past or anything, minus the memory (but that was only to save professor aeliana), BUT HE DIDNT FUCKING BRING IT UP. kinda ironic, the character whos past is pretty unknown is in classes learning about our past.

oh yeah did i ever mention his parents are dead? cause they are (confirmed by condi a while back)

maybe thats why he tries to be so appealing to everyone, to make up for that missing link. i mean, its not like that event wouldnt have some impact on you (also no jrwi pc has gone to therapy from what i know so safe to assume he has no coping skills PLUS ITS A CONDI PC YPU THINK HES MENTALLY STABLE??).

another thing i learned: ryans last name is a backwards hercules. fun call back to the name, yeah, but the actual story may have some weight here...

the screenshot doesnt give the full story, of course, so i will. the picture leaves out how the reason he went through hardships was because he was driven to madness. according to research, hera was mad at hercules being born (for he was the product of zeus and a mortal woman), so she made him go crazy and slaughter his family. to make up for it, he was given 12 impossible tasks to do.

am i saying the full story applys? hell fucking no! i dont think ryan killed his parents or anything, but i think the jist can apply. a man trying to be forgiven by people for wrongdoings that wouldnt have happened if said people didnt make those wrongdoings happen. ryan trying to get the validation of his friends and acquaintances by pretending to be someone hes not, which wouldnt be needed if he could see friends accept people as themselves. given impossible missions (be someone else) to appease those who he looks to (whether its to the side or up to).

another thing to note is theres no episode cover with only ryan on it. cover 1 has all 3, cover 2 has background faceless frat members and connor, and cover 3 has only aster.

it could be from how there was only 3 episodes of mythborne, yet this could be solved by having all 3 in a cover at once. while it would have been a lot, they had all 3 in the first and a total of 4 characyers in thr second cover. this of course was a purposeful choice, and it shows in a way who the focus is meant to be on in that ep (all of them, connor, aster).

so why coupdnt ryan have been focused on in episode 1? yeah he was directly related to the chaos (j crew being first vicitms and shit), yet that clearly had a more general showing. its because ryan isnt a character who can be focused on. he crutches to his friends like a team relys to eachother, thats how he has purpose, thats how hes even a person.

i woulsnt even doubt the stupid bit being an act! to play in a sport, you actually do need good grades (in my school experience, above a C+ in all classes), and ryans been on this team since he started college (infered from dialoge with j crew member), probably since kindergarten even (has known j cre since kindergarten). he learnt it from them, and found it to be a possibly appealing trait of himself to others, everyone likes the lovable idiot! sure, what he does to play an act can be extreme, but if this is really thr coping mechanism i think it is, its not too much for him (also wanna note how of all characters ryan is the biggest stereotype caharacyer).

the 3rd episode btw seemed a lot from the cover and namr and all like the whole world was a fake (for me atleast), and isnt it fitting that ryan was the first to fall off the stage? the man, who had an identity crisis outloud for once after it seemed like one friendgroupd was about to learn his secrets, the first to exit stage down (stage direction jokes). hes been playong a play himself for what feels like his whole life by now, he doesnt need a script.

i came in here to talk about ryan, put him under a microscope, see who he is. really, ryans a shell of a person, a muscle soulless being pretending to be a person someone can love and care about. maybe he too thinks about how connor had changed inside to save him. whatever it is, i think ive not learnt from this who ryan selucreh is, and maybe if he gets aomething like this, he can learn himself who ryan selucreh is.

[trainingdummyrabbit]

Hehe hi Pik :0 I'll give you three questions for your ask game and you can pick out whatever you want to answer <:]

What are your thoughts on Kaigaku? I know he's a bit of spoiler territory but I'm curious .. or maybe what are your thoughts on Muichiro? You decide!

A question just for me, though ,, do YOU have a favorite bird? .., !!

oh abolutely HYSTERICAL to give a pick scenario and then lay down topics that will instantly get me to talk for hours on end at the drop of a hat KSJNGFKDJNGKD

so!! the easy one!! my favorite bird, ithink, is between the mourning dove and the house sparrow! they are not terribly glamorous but i love them so so dearly and will instantly cheer up when i think about them :')

as for the character questions. thank you for enabling me HJBSJFBJD

i could very very easily write an entire goddamn essay about Either of them, but for the sake of saving whatever brevity i can manage to keep, ill save talking abt mui for when That Episode(tm) drops whenever it does, because inevitebly, i will be Absolutely Inconsolable and it Will happen anyway KJNDKGDF

instead, for now, under a cut because this preamble is already paragraphs long... kaigaku.

i fucking hate this man. i cannot stand him, hes the worst, he is so fucking stupid, i think about him fucking constantly, and he is one of my favorites. he is so fucking insufferable, and i love him!

ok so. getting into kny, i was like. immediately a zenitsu liker. like i saw him and went "god. fuck. shit. its gonna be this nerd i dont even know about yet and i can feel it already." (i was right.) which is Crucial to knowing the angle here. and when i got to his part in th manga, i . genuinely dont remember if i even thought too hard about him. i dont even remember when i Did, i just know that he Wasnt there, and then he Was, and he Never Fucking Left KSJNKDJGN

which is very very fucking funny, considering... how much of a character he straight up Isnt.

like yeah! he sure does show up in a flashback and then fights zen and dies about it! it takes like, a two chapters max! and the entire time, his only character trait is "bitch for no reason." like... that sure isn't a lot to go off of. so like... why? i guess thats kind of the answer in and of itself.

why is he like this? why is he like this?? what made him this way? we know he grew up orphaned, but why? we knew he turned on gyomei's group and ran, but why? we know he trained to be a demon slayer with zen and kuwajima, but why? why, why, why? we just don't know.

we know he's a survivalist. we know that he's willing to go to any lengths, stoop to any lows, just to make it another day. because another day is another chance you get to get them back, to prove them wrong, to rise above it and laugh in their faces and say "see? see what im capable of? bet you feel sorry now."

shame doesnt exist to him. he will make Anything of himself just to make it by. do anything, drop anyone. no connections, impermanence. its clear in flashbacks that, honestly... nobody liked him very much. and like, well, yeah. obviously. he sucks, and he isnt afraid to show it. but isnt that just so strange? broken box of happiness, disatisfaction. he refuses to forge connections, claiming the only people he tolerates are those who respect him, who see his worth.

and that's... the weird thing about him. see, because, the thing is that... i don't fucking believe him for a second. he talks big game, he can back it up, sure, especially as a demon, but... the entire time he talks, every word he says during his confrontation with zen just felt like a bluff. like he's trying to sound threatening, to sound powerful, making a threat display like an animal. every technique he chooses to execute is some new, big, flashy display of his Power, talking, taunting, still taunting.

its a lot of reading between lines, but... this man is a fucking liar. that fight felt different, it felt quick, and well... maybe because it wasn't a fight. this was some guy taking out his anger on someone in a desperate attempt to prove he's worth something.

i just think that this man is a deeply jealous bastard intent on making himself seem larger than he really is, convincing himself that he's the one that's right and it's everyone else that's wrong simply because he can't process just how awful he is.

growing up barely scraping by on his own, of course he'd become painfully self-reliant. of course he would take advantage of anything he could, anyone he could. you'd have to be that self-centered to survive. talk big, act big, nobody will mess with you. nobody can take advantage of you if you take advantage of them first.

and when he gets shown that kindness, being taken in for the first time... of course he'd take advantage of them too. he's hard-wired with instability in mind, so obviously the clear answer is to take what you can and go before something else happens and they get to you first (even if that was never really a threat.) and if they throw you out for it? it's just proof you were right. you were always right, clearly it isn't your fault. and if you happen to throw them under the bus for it... well, obviously they deserved it. there's no reason to think about it anymore.

being with kuwajima was fine. we don't know anything about the earlier days (which im so sad about) but from the looks of it, he was doing fine. about as fine as he could be, at least. he clearly respected him at first, enjoyed being treated as something special, having his work and talents appreciated-- which he did have! he was a staggeringly impressive slayer, but that's an aside-- and even berated zenitsu for supposedly "disrespecting him" by referring to him as jiichan. which. sighs.

so, zenitsu. dynamics Of Ever. honestly, even without the whole Contention there, kai would've just kinda disliked him because he's... motions with hand. look at him. but its the fact that they were considered together that pissed kaigaku off so much. because that implied that they were on the same level when, to him, they so very clearly were not.

zenitsu was annoying. he was weak, whined too much, cried too much, never put in any effot, he was so, so annoying. which made it that much more insulting that jiichan would continue to try to train him. just leave him behind already! he keeps trying to run away, let him! obviously he just isn't good enough. he's not special like he was. and yet, kuwajima kept trying.

and the fact that he did... probably completely went against everything kaigaku saw in the way the world worked. for lack of a better term, he was very "survival of the fittest" minded in that, if you weren't good, you just weren't good. you'd try and struggle and inevitably die off. the world isn't kind, and will take any chance it has to kick you down. that's why you take what you can, when you can.

if you're weak, nobody helps you. if nobody helps you, you either help yourself or die silently. that was what separated the weak and the strong. and you always, always were either one or the other. again, that's his survivalism talking. so, seeing this person he at the very least Respected waste time on some nobody instead of him, expecting something to come of it... well, it was insulting!

and to think that they were even anywhere close enough to put together? to share the title of successor? with this guy? either it meant that kuwajima thought zenitsu was as good as kai was (to him, a laughable idea,) or that kai wasn't any better than some kid who could barely swing a sword. and that was what irritated him the most.

that was the point of their final confrontation. it was kaigaku proving, once and for all, finally, that he was better than zenitsu. was it purely out of hatred for this kid who looked up to him like a brother? was it out of jealousy of someone who got so many kindnesses granted to him despite, to him, not really deserving it? was it just to prove that he was a powerful demon to those who now had their eyes on him, too? whatever it was, at its core... it was laughing in the faces of those who, honestly, genuinely cared about him (and in his eyes, never truly did.)

he could've ended that fight whenever he wanted to-- its even stated in canon that zen wouldve just lost if he was given more time to grow-- but... he just kept showing off. kept talking. it didnt feel like he was using techniques to fit the combat-- it felt like he was showing off what he could do now. he was proving a point. the only thing that stopped him was what he never acknowledged back when they were training together-- that zenitsu did have worth. that he was growing, too. and using what kaigaku refused to acknowledge in him, zenitsu cut him down-- with a symbol of the respect and comraderie that he hoped to have together. a "sorry, aniki."

kaigaku's appearance in canon is less of the role of a character, but as a statement. hes a walking tragedy. he pushes away everything that makes life What It Is in favor of this image of Strength, which is exactly why he becomes-- at first glance-- a caricature. he stops being a person and starts being a Thing. zen tries to keep him in mind as a Person (despite it all) but when he ultimately gives up hope is when the encounter ends. and when kai's role ends as well.

the only thing i still wonder is... does he regret it? in the very depths of his mind, behind all that mess he puts up, after throwing everything away... did he regret it? twice, he was shown care and kindness, and twice he betrayed them. does he know? does he regret it? does he have the capacity to? or has he simply committed so hard to the role he was given-- to the role he put himself in-- that he simply cannot fathom a world in which he was the problem? could it have been different?

put simply... what the fuck is wrong with him?

. anyway, heres a bunch of posts that remind me of him.

[sunshinechay]

The way my mind connects the dots with 0 hesitation is hilarious. I could be seeing something like "Omg Michael is SO hot, looks so good with his hair like that, my little meow meow!" and Im like "ya Michael-

Seater?

Cera??

Myers!

from the group chat??!!!???

Really be like that (I barely care about any of those people, my brain will just pick at random), wild to see this post in the wild tho, its been years since I saw fans of (pick your fighter).

Only to find out OP is talking about a totally unrelated Michael from something I've never heard of, but its too late, ive already connected the dots in such a hilarious way, I gotta reblog now. But im collecting the new Michael for another similar situation if this ever comes up again.

I remember in high school we had this classmate named John Oliver and for the life of me, I couldn't understand that my friends were talking about John Oliver the tv host. They'd sit there saying the wildest shit like "Did you hear what insane shit John Oliver did last week?" and for a whole 5 seconds I'd be SO concerned about our mutual classmate only to be told this is about some random dude I don't know or watch (back then) and suddenly the world made a LOT more sense. But for those 5 seconds my mind created real terror and I just had to know what kind of sitcom life my classmate was living every fucking week.

So anyways, if you're always wondering why i keep re-blogging posts about your favs with the dumbest tags, its because I keep re-living Last Week with John Oliver time loop with you😭.

I don't even read your url, im just scrolling fast and every time im like "wait Effy slow down, this made no sense, dont just accept that" I look at the url and you're talking about some whole other guy.

Like I really saw your post and went "ah the creepy pasta girlies from 2012 breached containment and hit my dash again...ya...i'll reblog" and it was literally NOT about that Jeff at all.

I need an option to highlight your username in big and bold so my brain understands that your favs and my brain has 0 overlap and idk any of those people. This keeps happening with just you on my dash and no one else. I remembering struggling with my life, during your vegas era (of vegaspete of kinnporshe). Like this is NOT about Las Vegas at all, but if you asked me what my brain ran off with in those 5 seconds, if left unchecked, you'd understand why I love having you in my dash so much. Scrolling super fast on tumblr with you on my dash is just briefly time traveling to another universe istg.

Plus sometimes I do end up watching what you watch like kinnporshe so thats just a bonus.

Glad I could help! Haha

And don’t worry, my brain frequently does this kind of thing as well. Our brains recognize patterns and make connection only it seems our make connections where there are none, but that’s half the fun. Sometimes I laugh at where my own brain takes me.

I saw your tags on the Jeff posts and laughed because omg can you imagine Jeff the Killer reading his own fanfiction 😂😂😂

However, it’s Jeff Satur we’re talking about and honestly the fact he has read fanfiction about himself is both funny and horrifying like “I’m so sorry you had to witness this Jeff…would like some recs for other fics about you?” 😂😂😂

I’m glad that you have liked the BLs you’ve watched. They’re really just something else, in both good ways and bad and I love them so much. So I’m happy I can spread the joy :)

[juuuthoughts]

1/100 Days of Productivity

So I basically been doing this all year, being super productive and spending so much time studying, working, exercising and meal prepping and some days I feel like it was not enough, but looking back I think this would be a good challenge to keep me motivated (as the screenshot of my grades from field school :'), because I have to be kind with myself, I am doing the best I can with the tools I have. I feel proud of me because going to a new country, language, culture, start from 0 is not easy, but I have been up to the challenge, I have visualize myself succeeding and that is what I am doing.

So, starting yesterday Sunday November 5 as my start date what I have accomplished:

 ☑ I wake up early and meditate

 ☑ I cook breakfast, lunch and dinner for me, avoiding junk food, prioritizing protein and veggies. I also made enough to have a balanced lunch the day after.

 ☑ I study for Statistics and did my group part for the team project I have. I met with my group and the assignment was submitted.

 ☑ I made the pre-lab for today and guess what the dilution scheme that I created was the one we used (even if I doubt of myself and called it dumb, this was a lesson this morning for me where I need to trust myself more...believe more in me)

 ☑ I studied about Air Sampling, took notes for later (exam) and presented the quiz before midnight

 ☑ I went to buy groceries as eggs :)

 ☑ I shared time talking on the phone with my granmas, now that I have more time by myself connecting is always needed and a mood booster 💕👵💕

 ☑ I workout! I realize that not having to go to the gym everyday and acommodating workouts for home is always better than doing nothing at all, I am thinkin seriously to buy some 25 lbs dumbells. There is no excuse.

☑ Journaling about things I feel grateful for, the moment of the day I really appreciate it, what I learned, the achievements of my day, and what I could have done better (study for the chemistry exam, going to bed earlier and drink more water). My weekly affirmation:

I can with everything.

For today, Monday, I had solid 7 hours of sleep, I meditated, went to classes with a better attitude (yes I am tired but it depends on me if I make my days miserable or I enjoy the little things), worked on the invitation letter for my dad to visit me next year, doing this! I will have lunch and....

📝organize my house a little bit (bed, dishes, vacuum, 15 min of whatever I want to organize)

📝have a lovely 30 min walk enjoying that the weather is not bad

📝study for my chemistry exam

📝workout of the day

📝listen to positive affirmations 5 minutes and 10 minutes of the audiobook the 5th agreement (which I am loving)

📝I started a gratitude journal on a blog, and I want to finish it (365 days) best moment to do that

📝drink 8 glasses of water

📝 Dedicate 30 minutes to the lab I had this morning so I can finish the most I can

📝Dedicate 30 minutes to the class notes I had for statistics

📝 Review email from my work

📝30 minutes to each class I have tomorrow and whatever that means (notes, project)

📝Cook dinner and for tomorrow while I review chemistry

📝 More chemistry :)

📝Dedicate time to my cats

📝 My night routine

[morethanmeetstheass]

alright, let's do the lowdown of "where the fuck has suna been all this time." probably gonna be long so ill put a keep reading, but tldr: life got bad, life got better, im working on existing in fandom space again

SO. i cant remember the last time i posted, so let's start at where shit went bad. 2020 baby, the rona hit, i graduated college virtually, lost my job, and ended up having to move to another state bc new jobs were so hard to come by. started anew down here in maryland, though a little worse for wear bc i went from living with my 4 best friends to having exactly 0 friends. very isolating, no fun. got cats, one of them died, so that didn't help at all.

fandom-wise, iacon online was both a huge benefit in my life and a huge pain. a lot of stress and misery went into that convention, but a whole lot of good came from running it. i ended up getting the chance to do 3 covers for idw, which was a massive blessing. became friends with multiple members of the cybertronic spree, made new friends with other organizers, got to accidentally roast james roberts to his face.

but it was also very stressful, and admittedly, my love for transformers did a huge swell and then took a big hit. i spiraled into a weird pit of having no interest in anything, lost interest in writing my fic, and started exploring other parts of my life. especially when idw lost the license to transformers, because fuck, now if i want to do covers again, i gotta make MORE connections. i was just very tired and burnt out. started hating all my artwork and despising how i was drawing for validation instead of passion.

sort of accidentally became a prominent creator on tik tok, so i got to explore other parts of my life that got lost in the transformers shuffle. got a new job working remotely, adopted another cat, things were looking up. then my apartment had a fire and i spiraled again, even worse. my mental health still hasn't recovered. it is a miracle that my belongings, health, and pets were ok, but i didnt even feel safe in my own home anymore. still struggling with it almost a year later, even in a new apartment. its been hard.

but i was shuffling on spotify today and stumbled onto my blitzbee playlist, and i got a little twinge in my tummy. i miss transformers. i dont miss being completely consumed by it, but i want to reintroduce myself to the fandom, start making mecha art again, as well as other art.

and i swear on my life, i WILL finish my fic. even after all this time, i still read all the comments i get on roe, on aufn, and especially kwz. i see how many of you want me to finish it, and i want to too. and i will. itll just take me some time to reintroduce myself to the fandom, to get comfortable with creating out of a place of love rather than out of a place of need for external validation. roe was a passion project, and its so clear with how much it was loved. it was good bc it was made out of a place of excitement, out of me genuinely wanting to share the story, not just wanting the likes and kudos. and im feeling that passion again. not 100% just yet, but i am.

so yeah, thats the deal. life has settled. still suffering with post traumatic stress from the fire and trying to feel safe in my space again, but im improving. im finding love for transformers again. im finding love for a lot of things again, and i dont want to box myself into one passion or the other. im a lot of things and i want to give myself space to love all of the things that i love. and robots are one of those things, but not the only one.

blitzbee forever. i will die a dirty bee kinnie and a blitzy simp.