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#even if thats not someone I'd like to be with i just. want to know its possible for someone to like me that way
bacchuschucklefuck · 5 months
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this whole thing being abt rage is also really interesting. I feel like it comes up so much in fiction as a motive because it's the one emotion that's unifyingly restless while everything else can be petrifying, and just personally nothing hits like impotent rage for me, esp. with teen characters, esp. with characters whose rage is stoked by Someone Else to further that Someone Else's cause. like you'll have done all that in a bout of passion and when you're done you look around you and nothing has changed. those sentiments don't get quelled by being satisfied. righteousness withdrawal is a horrible thing to intentionally drag someone into, least of all just some kids.
#I think Ive brought my personal experience into this whole thing lol but yeah just.#the ratgrinders read so much like radicalization to me. or you know just. high control group recruitment#and I've seen that one time brennan brought up uhhh conservatism? and where people come from with that#that quote of his thats like. before youre a fascist youre a bully. like extreme sentiments take root on specific soils#and that's like a higher level than what we're talking abt here lmao it's fake fantasy high school role playing#but yeah just like. the simultaneous understanding of the grift working on these kids bc they already think a certain way#and also the other part that is no matter what the way that they think is not. conducive to them being happy#like yeah a nasty person is nasty to be around! but that also means they're often isolated#which makes them even easier prey for people who want to use them#fhjy coming out in The Current Climate makes that connection so apparent too lol like#me hearing abt the rage god: oh so like twitter#for the record of course I Dont Know if this is a read that's intended by the show#but it maps well onto my experience with radicalization/decentralized cult#Ive just. been thinking abt the rat grinders in those terms ever since I made the connection#like. you're accomplished and high level and such. is this sustainable? have you done anything For Yourself#or has everything you've done so far been coerced out of you by someone else's sweettalking#anyways if I can run porter cliffbreaker over with a car I would. and I'd reverse on him too#truly thats the highschool trauma as well as the grown man with niblings talking lmao#nothing gets me more mad than a shitty teacher#not art
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trying to psych myself up to finally do oc refs by doing fandom-related refs instead: volume 1
wanted to update my yuma from whatever tf this au is so he was a bit more unique... takes inspo from a lot of different things while also trying to be its own sorta thing? which is fitting given the au ;)
bonus chibi now that i'm also figuring out how tf to do chibis lol:
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#my art lol#synth v yuma#yuma synthv#synth v#synthv fanart#synthesizer v#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#YES I KNOW ITS DIFFERENT but at this rate its the umbrella tag. all vsynth shit goes under there just like on main 😔#sorry for the annoyign watermarks i just dont want this to get stolennn/traced it'll b my joker arc. is2g#like thats never happened to me before as far as i know but now that my art is getting 'better' i begin to get scared that it will happen#if my fanart got stolen i'd def sting a little yeah but not hurt AS bad as if someone stole my original shit. THAT would hurt#one of many reasons why i post less personal oc stuffs. although as mentioned above i AM in an oc mood so i wanna draw em maybe...#and stuff like this is a step to develop a PROPER FUCKING REF STYLE bc i SUCKKKK AT MAKING REFS LOL 😭 BUT I SHOULD GIT GUD#i have a few other refs planned for vocaloid au (i guess???) related shit but they're not done yet. this one was also a wip that i just??#impulsively decided to redo & finish bc i wanted to draw but nothing else i was trying to draw came out right. advantages of many wips#i have SOOO many things i could say abt some of the things that went into this redesign but i dont wanna come off as pretentious 😔💔#obviously it was primarily inspired by the vimalion yuma design but. there's moreeee that i can't explain here bc tag limits and im shy#i do think i want to try and be more intentional with my character designs now so i'm seeing how that goes as i redesign some old ocs#man though this kind of stuff makes me remember i used to LOVEE doing this stuff. and now its even crazierr given art improvement#uaurhghh my head is buzzing w/. so many thoughts. THIS ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPENS I GET SO MANY IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY GFD#this is actually from today though unlike some other things i might eventually post. that'll make more sense soon#and fuckkk i forgot the chain necklace thing on the chibi yeah but i couldnt get it to look good. whatever
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g0thsoojin · 29 days
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📓🦇
#honestlyyyu#life without him is so boring....#idk... just imagining my life without him makes me feel bored lol#i want to be with him i think ...#but it is difficult bc we live on two different continents#and relationships between nations are difficult bc you're not allowed to just move anywhere lol#idk how it could work#plus ... also he's 20+ years older than me.. to me it isnt an issue more than#1) he wont live as long as me (if we both die of old age that is lol)#2) everyone are very judgemental and even if both of us mainly want to just have us and not any social circles#it will be hard.. and how am i supposed to tell my mom....?#the thing with that is hard because of my avpd.. im not normal#i never will be. even if i like met a guy my age now in school and we started dating i wouldnt want to tell me my mom#i cant explain how i feel to normal ppl but yeah... im just someone who wants to live isolated to myself#i dont want to be like yeah hi mom heres my bf who i fuck and love and now lets go for family dinner woooop#idk ... i could never. i just cannot do that normal life.#so then its like.. it isnt purely bc im 'ashamed' of him and the age gap#im just someone who feels shame about everything.... so i wouldnt wanna tell my mom anyway#but then it feels like im 'betraying' her. if i move away to another country to be happy on my own#and she wont even ever get to meet my bf or hear abt him... i'll get married (bc of convenience) and she wont know#that feels bad.. like im hurting her. but i know in my heart that even if i met a bf my own age here#i would NEVER want a wedding. my avpd.. im not a normal functioning person.. i'd want just me and the other person there. not infront of my#family... idk i just cant do normal life things..#maybe sometimes i dream abt having a few friends and being cared for. but that is a DREAM#theres no way of knowing if i'd ever find ppl like that. im also very different and cant connect to basically anyone i meet fkn EVER!!!!!#he's the only one i've ever met that im this compatible with.. and he is real. and i know him. should i let go of him just for ppl i havent#even met? who i might never even meet? bc yeah the thing is that with him we wouldnt have a conventional life. it'd be just us#and thats not really a bad thing. its just that w my avpd i never know what i really want bc i want smth but when it gets real#and i can actually have it suddenly i dont anymore. and i want the other thing i didnt want before...#so i have sm fears.. what if i choose him but then will never get that comfortable job in a cozy school and my own apartment
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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#i cant do a thing abt it but oh it hurts#and i feel bad bc i feel like he'd think im selfish?#i want him to be happy but cant i be hurt? cant i be sad too?#and i wont chase him. i'd never do anything like that. 9/10 if i dont *feel* wanted regardless of truth#im out of there bc i have avpd </3#but i cling to him?? i mean in an emotional way. like i never put up walls in my mind to numb my feelings for him the way i do w avpd#why is he so different from everyone else for my brqin and heart? i mean i obvi i think hes amazing#but i dont get why my brain doesnt protect me emotion and feeling wise the way it does w everything else#how could he cross all of those boundaries and walls my brain has put in place?#this is why i thought i had found my person. but it gets tricky when i am not his person#nor do i think i can be whrn he's chosen someone else. (i get that i really really do and thats why it hurts sm)#but yeah i'd never chase.. bc like why would i? when i know he didnt choose me to give a chance to. i'd never be as arrogant to try to#think i could be worth a chance or that i could do anything abt it.#so even if it's selfish i hurt sm. even tho at the same time i want him to have what he wants even if it isnt me and never was#bc i do also think.. even if it makes me sound naive.. or actually maybe this is just how *i* feel#if u love someone sm and truly want to be w them u find a way to get there. which i wanted to do bc yeah.. i felt like he was my person#but it's just me. it's me alone in this room and i cant.. stay in here forever bc how is that a life? :(#so idk ig i'll hurt and ache and be in pain for a while. and hopefully one day be able to move on#but facing the world & future without him and not knowing if we'll even talk again is so scary and so hard :(#and like will *i* ever find someone who lights my heart on fire and makes me deeply feel and not being so scared i turn away from it?#the way he does... idk :(#i cant even imagine wanting anyone else but.. im alone in that feeling too so.. it is what it is it is what it is it is what it is
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witherbythesword · 3 months
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#the last few weeks have been wild symptom wise#first extreme problems falling asleep#then a few days with an opressive fatigue making me fall asleep after half a day#the stomache problems#and now just no hunger at all and feeling like my body and brain is rotting from the inside out#slowly turning to liquid and taking away my ability to function or enthusiasm for anything#you know what i'd like#a few days of just feeling good#like idk maybe a weekend of just feeling like myself#or maybe even just normal depression i can handle that just fine feeling a little sad and stuff is whatever to me#but dissociating and not feeling like I am in my body and brainfog and having no thought or feelings and no hunger or sense of taste#and when i put on music it makes me want to scratch my ears off thats hell please stop that#also yay to me for writing things out and the realising#“oh this isn't just feeling weird. you're going through it”#“if you hate yourself do this if you hate the world do that if you hate everyone... quick question#what should i do when i feel like i need someone to insert a straw into my brain and blow into it realy hard#and make it bubble up like soapy water?#i feel like that one john galm album thats basically just the coolest saddest guitar you've ever heard and him inaudibly screaming lyrics#my brain is in the state a crumbled up empty soda can on the sidewalk is in (meanwhile that should be my throat) :c#meow#i have one strand of thoughts and it's the equivalent of cat wailing#I CANT EVEN LISTEN TO MUSIC#I was like well maybe i should just listen to music.. until i remembered... the horrors#am not made for this#get the blow guns out lads and lasses#personaltext
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alchemiclee · 1 year
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I hope someone writes a good fic about the high cloud quintet with all the messy pieces of lore we have because i'm very unsatisfied with what we got and I want MORE OF THEM. don't know why i'm so obsessed with this tragic group of friends but 😭 IM SO FEELINGS ABOUT THEM but also empty because they didn't satisfy me with what they gave us lmao I require more. but that was the end and i'll never get more....unless someone writes a great fic about them.....!
#hsr#lee text#one of the things that bothered me most was not seeing dan heng react to learning about blade/yingxing? hrm#everything in star rail seems super disconnected and rushed and i wish they could do the stories better#so i need someone to write a thing and fill in the gaps and add more and satisfy my need for a good story about these tragic losers#i want more baiheng because she seemed like the most adorable lovable thing 😭#i want more yingxing because i love him a lot for some reason i cant even figure out#i want jing yuan before he became a very sad and distant and lonely old man whose constant smile seems painfully fake.....#i want to see more of jing liu before she went crazy with mara#i want the gay and the lesbian hoyo cant give for legal reasons (xingyue/bailiu)#i want a story maybe starting with them meeting. becoming close and very good friends#maybe leading to their end dbdndnksksks it would hurt but im sure fandom writers can write it better than the game writers😅#im just rambling and reading makes me fall asleep and idk if anyone would ever write this but 😭#idk why my brain even clung onto them so much. theres other tragic friend stories this didnt happen with. why this one#i'd love a comic/manga about this group too but that even less likely than a fic. im sure other people like this group too#and maybe one is a fic writer. but an entire manga piece about them is unlikely 😅#its just easier for me to read when i can SEE it. thats just a preference tho#i feel like lore accurate fics arent as common tho? like taking all the lore you know and piecing it together into a whole story?#not that i read fics much so idk what im talking about but 99.9% if ones ive see are just ship fics only#what am i talking about i lost my train of thought lmao#anyway jingliu better come home. im at like 60 pity. where is she!!!!!!
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starpros-sunshine · 7 months
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I used to be funny you know? I used to have good humour and now every time I try to crack a joke I just feel awkward like I could've gotten that one delivered so much better. Smitten with the curse of not being able to be serious while also being horrible at being silly. If you ask me I'd rather be smitten with other curses but such is life I suppose.
#people say I'm funny but when have I ever made anyone genuinely laugh is the question you know?#it's horrible when most of your idols are comedians or well rather actors that got famour through comedy and fictional characters who are#just funny in their own way and it's one of the most desirable qualities in a person don't you know#a good sense of humour is very important it's just a shame I don't really have it#I wish I knew how to make people laugh I really do#I'd hate to be boring on top of all my pthwr personality deficits#the awkwardness I can live with the theatrics I can accept and the lame humour i don't like but what other choice remains#but boring no I don't want to be boring#nobody ever talks about me though and I don't like that#not even negatively#i hate that i really do#everyone just thinks I'm nice I'm just nice and nothing else I'm a footnote in a world full of interesting people I'm the nice one#that you don't have an opinion on except “nice''#thats why I'd be happy about anon hate to an extent because that means someone thought about me#i always think about how once I'm dead I'll just vanish and I don't want that#i want to leave /something/ in this world I don't want to live my life being an afterthought and then be forgotten in death#i don't even mind being lame but I just don't want to be nothing#my head hurts again I should stop thinking ugh this is what happens when you sit in silence for too long#oh i don't know I guess it really is just the fact that when you constantly look at the stars and want to reach their light it's hard#to deal with the way that you're stuck on the ground and will never even get close no matter how hard you try#but such is life I suppose there's no use in lamenting the spilled milk#delete later
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snekdood · 10 months
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saw a post yesterday that was like "if you dont have trans women as friends u gotta think about why that is" and i really had to restrain myself from saying "it goes both ways my friend!". if you dont have any trans men as friends, ya gotta think about why that is also!
#personally? i dont choose my friends based on which minority category they belong to.#also im not out here going to 'trans group meetings' or whatever tf either. whoevers my friend is ppl who actually come into my life#who i actually get the chance to see and meet. consider: i havent actually met that many trans women irl at all.#i havent even met that many trans ppl irl at all in general- most of the trans ppl i DO happen across are NB#and i dont like making close friends online esp tumblr bc i dont trust none a yall#there are like two trans women i know that i met through someone else and 1 of them i literally just met and the other.......... based on#my interactions with her- i dont think we'd make great close friends.#acquaintances? sure. im mean thats kinda unavoidable at this point anyways.#the biggest issue is i havent met any trans women i think i'd actually click with- but thats a little unfair bc its hard to find friends#to begin with anyways let alone a trans woman specifically- if you think i gotta be out here hunting for trans women to be friends with to#fulfill your woke quota you got a weird fuckin world view on how friendships and the world in general works.#i dont make friends based on their transness or whatever tf thats fuckin weird.#theres a lot of trans women i follow online that i think i'd make great friends with- but the fact there aren't that many trans women#in general and the only ones i think i'd actually click with are ppl ill likely never meet irl? yeah i dont rly think its my#fault bud its kinda just the circumstance of life in general- there's just not a lot of trans people out there.#and no im not going to trans meetings bc that shit is usually toxic as hell anyways bye#new dating type of app but for looking for trans friends to make tumblr user buttfaceass happy about my choices#maybe if i lived in cali w my gay uncle i'd meet more but alas i live in missoura' and i dont blame trans women for wanting to hide#more here. shit i mean i do.#in total? irl? ive only met like 4 trans women. one of which im p sure is actually transfem and doesnt even live in my state#she and another one were part of a toxic abusive ass friend group and i really dont think im missing out on much.#so yeah what- you want me to try to befriend them again? bc im p sure my abuser filled their brains w bullshit about me so.#kinda not waiting on them to come around ever.#like im not exactly sure what that post wants me to do besides idk. act like the op of it?#go to toxic ass irl trans group meetings and befriend random ppl online who have no concept of friendship loyalty? yeah ill pass bud#actually actuall wait scratch that- i did know another trans woman--- she mightve been transfem too- but we met on discord#and primarily interacted there bc it was like a friendgroup discord and i think we were good enough friends we just never got super close#mostly bc im weary of queer friend groups that are predominately white and also i felt like that friendgroup only kept me around#to make fun of me. i dont think she was like that but.... the other ppl in it...... yeaaahhh...#so naturally we kinda stopped talking all together when i left the discord and stopped interacting w that friend group
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i wish betting on wrestling was like a thing because while i would never win if i bet on anything else (am bad at recognising patterns that actually mean anything) i would cash in soooooo much because i can ALWAYS tell when a jericho feud’s gonna run way too long again 😌
#hello hi . im stressed out this fair sunday evening#feel like im failing at school already its been like a month and yet#one of my teachers v much implied i'd fail her assignment if i didnt do a bunch of extra shit and like#theres reasons for it that i can see from her side but theres also just the issue that i told her about of like#i just dont know how to work with that many materials and slash or i cant go out and buy all these things right now#and then she's like well go down to xyz and ask them to do it for you and its like honey i dont know why you think we've got such a like#mutually beneficial relationship going on between all the applied and fine arts in this school like#thats a fiction that lives in your head ... especially after we just didn't exist in this school for a whole year#and anyway. i went ahead and tried some different materials and its just like. you cant make up what an insane failure thats been#and its not that i didnt try my best its just that like idk what she wants from me#cause anyway theres a reason i picked the materials that i did the first time round#changing those just kinda changes the meaning of the thing in general... which is something SHE teaches us#anyway. and tomorrow i have class w someone who i'm Difficult with (as in like i have a hard time around her im not purposefully difficult)#(its just that she makes me feel that way cause of the 'tism and cause of the fact she thinks she knows how to handle the 'tism)#(she doesnt)#and again i did a lot of work for her im just sure she's gonna expect me to have done more#but in my defense. i need to go to the doctor and see if they can prescribe me some form of ritalin bc my exhaustion was so bad last wk#and has been bad for a hot second lately#and theres really only so much i can do with the spoons at hand#anyway. and im also Sad Right Now because ive been ignored and interrupted while saying things a little too frequently recently#and im not laughing. im having a Time.#i didnt even have that bad of a week all things considered but goddd i need a break
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eccleraprisma · 2 days
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one thing about me is that you will never take the nature loving and nature revering pagan out of me. its been embedded within me since as long as i can remember. it was my religion when i had none and couldn't understand anyone else's. its why it still is now and why it will always make sense to me when nothing else does and im only using 'pagan' and 'religion' as shorthand for what i really mean because what i really mean is undefinable
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g0thsoojin · 2 months
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#i dont understand why he everytime has not wanted to actually tell me how he feels for me#like... ???#idk...#i feel like even as a friend if i told him abt my romantic feelings#isnt it only right to say that yes i like u too or no i dont like u that way#bc it really bothers me that he just wont talk abt it#he just wont tell me how he feels#he just says i mean a lot to him#but i need to know more and i've wanted to know that for so long#like i've told him that i love him and want to be with him and want to work thru issues together#whh cant he just tell me how he feels#why cant he just say that no i dont want u romantically anymore but i did at one point#or no i only thought of u as a potential option#like idc what it is i just want him to tell me so i can fkn know how to deal with it#but it tortures me that i have no fkn idea#and when i read back old messages#i get so confused i dont know what he means or thinks or feels#he's told me that im the 2nd closest to his heart but then when i told him i was in love he said that he couldnt make me feel seen the way#i'd need to at that time but then i wait and give him space and then he suddenly has another gf without even thinking to tell me!#idk sometimes im like yeah maybe he cares abt me thats true#but it feels like he doesnt even respect me enough to talk to me? i told him i was scared everyday for weeks after his first gf#and that i checked everyday in fear that he'd have a gf again and not tell me#and then he went and did that again... like i just dont fkn know#i dont know where tf i stand with him#and i've tried asking him but then he said that he feels close to a panic attack so i back off#and then he has a gf out of nowhere#and then i cant ask bc every single fkn time i ask him to talk abt smth#he just says he cant deal with it right now but 'now' never comes and he never talks abt anything w me#but with someone else he can be in a relationship with#the more i think the more i realize that this isnt what i want
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halfbit · 4 months
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i am getting started on productivity for the night but haven't figured out yet if i want to write or art first and there's also the tiny part of my brain that just wants to stare at kabru until it is ok to stop staring at kabru
#i don't talk about fandom stuff much here since i don't really get involved with it#but i do fixate on characters and right now i am circling around him like a wolf#tempted to draw him too but i can never capture his big beautiful eyes properly#i've also been tempted to draw beefcake laios but UHHhh thats for another day and i dont know if i will share that LOL#i finished the manga but i haven't had the energy to watch more of the show so i'm just thinking about the characters on my own and going :#also contemplating if i should draw a pride pfp (unrelated)#basically there is so much to do and it is overwhelming to work through the list#and i keep wanting to add more to it#also need to promo my commissions again more and add those sketches still but trying to figure out how to price them and don't have the#energy to type up explanations for them yet blagh#and i'm trying to balance that “realistically- i need more income coming in” with also “but i can't overwhelm myself with tasks”#<- which is very unambiguously clear that i do that just fine even without working on things for other people#is it obvious that my therapist relocated and i haven't been given a new one yet.#i can therapize myself So Good (actually overthinking and spiraling)#<- but please do not worry this is actually not a bad spiral which is good it is just a “things to do” spiral but it is fortunately#missing the key component of doom and horror and the world ending because i did not accomplish everything right#which is what a bad spiral contains and i've actually been on a pretty good streak avoiding those lately in spite of circumstances!#but if i linger on it it will probably turn into a lie so i will stop doing that#speaking of shows i watched the new episode of kaiju no. 8 today and i am just aggghrrhekrjskfj#i love hoshina so much#and he's been getting a lot of focus in these episodes so im happy#i love the way they animate his fights like!! wow#i need to watch them all on sakugabooru later#but i can't tonight if i want to do things#but i will later because they deserve frame-by-frameing#also i'm going to go pick up two volumes of wind breaker tomorrow i think#unfortunately i ordered them before i learned my hours were getting cut but#i have enough to cover my bills this month and since i'm not buying lunches or dinner for myself anymore because i'm not leaving the house#i'd rather just get them now instead of worrying about someone else buying them if i take too long#and let that be my last personal purchase for awhile
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kalims · 8 months
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"( – ⌓ – ) ⎯⎯ he lets you draw on his skin, yeah thats pretty much it.
ft. malleus, vil
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malleus
it was... a breach of your patience.
the lesson, was awfully boring. the more you listened to the apparent 'heroic' doings of certain individuals. the more it strips away your attentiveness to the words spilling out of professor trein's mouth. no matter how many times you will your ears to make out the incoherent lecturing of the man... it remains deaf.
so you decide to sate said boredom.
how? of course you need to bother your seatmate!
your intentions remained within the circle of yourself of course. your eyes stuck to the stray marker over your paper so you silently twisted the cap off and scribbled on your paper—then it was your palm—and now, malleus' arm.
"child of...?" man. malleus finishes in his mind, his attention suddenly snapped away at the sudden tug of his arm. definitely not his own decision to even make it move in the first place. usually it would remain stiffly beside his body like usual and even if someone tried to pry it to them it would remain still. but without his attention, his body lets you.
without another word. you peel open his fingers, palm open to you and it's a notion he allows. and he stays silent when you tug his gloves off. perhaps with a curious huff, malleus drifts closer to you. to accommodate your actions that he's yet to get an explanation for.
... and suddenly there's very bright flowers drawn on his palm.
said owner of the palm might just be toe darkest person in the room so it's quite out of place.
but it's from you so he likes it.
he peeks at it, with a fond smile on his face. I should enchant it to remain there forever. he thinks to himself, the curve of his lips growing wider at his thoughts, like he'd proud of the idea. the idea of being able to carry around something made exclusively by you might as well shove him into a cannonball and send him to cloud nine.
it's adorable. you're adorable.
his world grows a little more blue the more he stares at you. and if it weren't for the searing glances the professor sends your way malleus would just let his eyes engrave you into his memory forever, so he laments over it and reluctantly peels his gaze off you. mind speaking a thousand memories, the very same reason he somehow can't hear anything trein says.
you draw a strange looking lizard beneath his ring finger, one that looks a little like him and he thinks that you're asking him for marriage.
that can be arranged... he ponders, oblivious.
vil
drawings, doodles, painting— art. a reflection of the soul.
vil is great at makeup.
every brush on your face, a step to beauty. that is his reflection. you are his soul. he wants to make you look—no, make you feel like you're beautiful cause the canvas he's standing in front of is his greatest piece of art, he'd want to put you on the tallest pedestal there is. the grandest one just so the rest knows your beauty is parallel to none, something they can see and admire but not reach.
but he also wants to keep you in his own room, because only he knows what he felt when he painted you. only he should be the one given the grace.
this... he doesn't know what to consider.
perhaps vil should be bothered, if not then a little peeved at the several colors across his skin. a myriad of doodles, some words, and some simple drawings. a poor portrait of him is drawn next to one he assumes yours, the 'fairest' word on the right side of his hand, and flowers.
he's sure though. you're definitely no artist.
the thought cracks a smile at him, and you steal a glance midst the cool tip of the pen dancing along his skin. "I'd thought you wouldn't even let me do this," you admit, chair having been moved over closer to him so you wouldn't have any leaning problems. a suggestion by vil you gratefully took up, though you doubt it was just another excuse to have you closer.
"why?"
"dunno," you shrug. "it looks unseemly compared to you."
he huffs, flashing you a light smirk. "so my face is, hmmm..." vil ponders for a moment, and your face twists to the realization that you possibly just exposed what you think. but you suppose it isn't really a problem since it was basically common sense that vil is...
"gorgeous." you finish for him.
his aura brightens. (probably will be for the rest of the week.)
your hand retracts from him, the marker gripped between your fingers. and he takes a look at your 'art.' he doesn't know if he should consider it as one since there are a heap of sloppy lines, and the color bleeds into his skin. some smudges that you accidentally brushed against that makes it seem like a messy picture of chaos.
vil strives for perfection, but it's only natural there are flaws. to love oneself, you must love all parts. and to love you, he loves whatever the ink on his skin is.
well, what the heck.
"pass it to me," he stretches his hand, and you quirk a brow. questioning but curious so he indulges you. "I'll show you how it's done."
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note. ngl idk what I wrote for vil it's currently 12 AM rn ☠ <- newer note, this has been rotting in my drafts for weeks and I couldn't decide whether to post it cause I wasn't sure about vil's but here hehehe
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abra-ka-dammit · 1 year
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every year i get to add another year to "longest ive ever been single since i first started dating" and idk man. this isnt a record im TRYING to keep beating but
like
literally how do you meet people as an adult i do not understand
all i go to is work and theres not exactly prospects there in a staff of 4 men i wouldnt be attracted to even if they were single, and one woman who is straight and married and also my boss's daughter
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mrfoox · 1 year
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except that im mentally dead, i’m good
#i know its my  concerta crash 80% but man being outside of my comfortzone for hours#does things to me too. like clockwork the mental exhaustion hits at 15 and its like someone pulled the plug#brain stopped working properly sorry only simple words used for me now i cant process#i got praise at work today tho so that made me feel too happy....#its deppressing how happy i am to hear anything encouraging or someone saying i do good#not hearing any of that growing up just made it something so major for me now#i'm going to be so fucking dead friday tho. hate how much energy goes away from me even if i just do small things#i know its my brain and how it works......... but my god...... i'd like an 'full energy battery' thats not normal peoples like 50%#cant tell if its my period thus my hormones speaking or if im in an episode#i think im just so fucking lonely haha....... i always feel that way but since moving on my own its bad#and the last moth its been worse too.... idk man. medication making me feel fine but also im like (: i need love and closeness#doesnt help that all my fave people have been away for diffrent reasons so i just feel lonely#not that im helping the matter bc im not contacting or telling anyone bc that would be out of line and bad so im just#here as usual i suppose? can still not get passed the idea that i exsist outside others needs for me#stuck in the mindset of always having to put others first and do whatever they want and idk how to start. im already an#big enough problem for people i dont want to make it worse for anyone dealing with me#miranda talking shit#negative#???
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starpros-sunshine · 6 months
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It's is especially at one in the morning that you realise how ridiculous "I shouldn't go take dancing classes even though I desperately need a hobby that would let me fix the issue of me being so ridiculously short of breath that they genuinely worried about my health because, well, i can't dance." actually sounds. My brother in Christ you're supposed to learn how to do that there.
#apparently I have the same lung volume as someone with copd according to the tests#i don't have copd though I don't think so at least#too healthy for that#sigh there's some classmates of mine who dance I could ask them where they do it but....hmm thats always more embarrassing#when there's people you know so mean#I'd have no issue teaching tht myself but problem one is learning wrong technique can in a lot of things result in health problems#and problem too is that you can't really do stuff you need two people for alone#i don't even wanna /dance/ you know I just think knowing the standard stuff would be nice#i can walz kind of#as said you don't really get good when your partner is a blanket#but I can so the leading position in a standard waltz#ahh and I don't know if that would work out anyways I graduate next year would it even make sense to start something new now#but I really do need a hobby thats not. nothing actually I have video games but I consider those a hobby i just play them in my free time#to relax you know#it's not like I'm actually doing anything much#i mean I am#but I don't know if I'd call it a hobby#reading also isn't really a hobby to me I read in the evenings before bed i don't think thats already hobby status#and drawing lost hobby status when I picked the art major now it's something productive#but I don't want to do like. actually hard sport or anything in that direction i don't want to take up swimming again for example#i just want to do something with myself i guess#but this is all hypothetical anyways for now i better worry about my theoretical tomorrow and pray i know the question#please don't let me fuck this up#delete later
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