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tinyjordan · 10 months

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so I actually finally finished my first playthrough of bg3 last night (except it was actually this morning because I beat the final boss at like 3 am) and I just wanted to share my experience. obviously there will be spoilers

so yes. it did take me like 2 months to finish the game, a lot longer than the average player. this was mostly because I was just really busy with school and shit and I've been playing on my parents tv, so I obviously didn't get too much time to myself to binge the game. but honestly, when I did get time to play through the game, I was honestly so overjoyed to just explore the world and do quests with my silly little guys.

imo my favorite act in the game is the first act, which from what I read, many people agree with me on this sentiment. that doesn't mean that I think that the other two acts weren't great, but I just think that act 1 had something special going on there. i loved how huge the first act was and just how much I could do in this act. i thought I finished this act having completed every quest (except those in the mountain pass because I didn't know that I could just go through both paths, which I don't know how I came to that conclusion in hindsight) but when reading and watching videos about bg3, I learned that there was a ton of stuff that I missed. I can't wait for my second playthrough (which will probably be my durge run) to experience more that I missed.

i don't know where to put this point in this essay thing, but the party after defeating the goblin camp. love it! this is where fanfictions are born. although you don't really get much when romancing gale in this party except the fact that he proclaims that he likes your stank in the most socially awkward but well meaning way. i thought this was funny.

oh yeah! also Lae'zel tried to have sex with me. we didn't, but I thought I might as well share that.

speaking of Lae'zel: the most underrated character in the game. i don't care. she is extremely wholesome despite our first introduction to her. in my playthrough, she was the one that got kidnapped by orin in act three. when I rescued her from orin, she was extremely sweet and thankful about it. she said something about the githyanki language not having a word for "thank you", and she tells the player the closest thing to it in her language. but even then she thought that wasn't a good enough way to express gratitude, so she said "thank you, sincerely." she's not my favorite companion, but my heart did swell in this moment

speaking of favorite companions-

astarion

ASTARION

yes I know that everyone reading this probably heard this a million times, but Astarion is such an amazing and well written character. this man is blorbo himself. i want to be his best friend. during my playthrough, my tav and Astarion had a sort of sibling like relationship: being on near opposite sides of the character archetype spectrum and disagreeing on a lot of things, but also being super protective over each other (we dislike Araj in this house). his whole story arc made me want to cry several times. i wish this game had a hug option for every companion so that I could hug everyone, ESPECIALLY Astarion. omg. OMG. when we defeated Cazador and Astarion stabbed him repeatedly, i cheered. i got him to not ascend and I cheered. like Karlach (who i also love and got me the closest to actually crying), i was so fucking proud of Astarion. i could talk about him all day but I think I would just stop there and resort to reblogging post about him for my own sanity.

when thinking of my opinion on Shadowheart, I remember that I didn't like her at all at first. it didn't help that she was racist against the githyanki. but after act 2 and pretty much always having her in my party as the main healer, she REALLY grew on me as a character. imo, I think she has one of the best character arcs and she really meshes well with the other companions. she's not a comic relief character at all, but every joke and sarcastic comment she makes is always a banger. she's my Tav's official best friend. also her act three glow up. that is all

oh also during Shadowheart's quest in act three, I met Viconia DeVir (who i killed) and I laughed my ass off because I ended up naming my Tav Viconia who when playing as her, she was like the EXACT opposite of the evil cult leader. there was definitely a "there can only be one" moment when killing her

I also feel that Wyll is pretty underrated character, which is disappointing since he is actually super interesting as a character. I mean he made a deal with a devil. like. c'mon. now I did sometimes get annoyed with his whole being a hero schtick, but also he's like the most sane character companion imo. i felt bad about him sulking alone at the after goblin killing party and I was tempted to ask him to dance to maybe cheer him up, but I also knew that this would probably lead to a romance with him, which I didn't really want. so I just let him be. i remember the impossible choice we had to make in act three (save Wyll's dad and sacrifice his freedom, or break the contract Wyll made with Mizora and let his dad die). This was actually a really difficult decision to make because like. it's either your dad or your freedom. it's literally an impossible choice to make. i decided to have Wyll be free of his contract with Mizora because I had hope that we could maybe find a loophole to this whole deal. WHICH THERE WAS. I had to undo a 5 whole hours of progress because of a bug with Duke Ravengard not spawning in the iron throne if you progress too much in the lower city before watching Gortash's coronation (which is entirely my fault for being awful at directions and not understanding very obvious instructions), BUT I DID IT. I saved Wyll's dad and had him free from Mizora's servitude! his friendship with Karlach is also extremely sweet. I love just how nice Wyll is. I think he's neat.

KARLACH! My favorite female companion! I was so excited when I was finally able to give her a hug. she's just so sweet and fun and as i said before she got me the closest to crying while playing the game. she almost made me cry not once, not twice, but THREE whole times. first time was of course when she was finally able to touch people. second was when we killed Gortash and she had a crisis about dying soon. third was when I thought she was actually going to die before Wyll offered that she come with him back avernus to kill all the devils (bless Wyll). she's also the number one funniest character in the game which juxtaposes the fact that she almost made ms cry the most amount of times.

speaking of crying, this game made me want to cry three separate times in one day. i made the mistake of playing through Shadowheart's and Astarion's quest on the same day then proceeding to kill Gortash, which you already know what happens after that.

After playing through the game, I agree that camp dad(dy) is the official term to describe Halsin. I'm not attracted to him in any since, so to me he is just dad, but I do agree with this sentiment. also goddamn he tall

Jaheira is the fun aunt of the group and I love her for that. she's a queen.

Minsc is himbo. I also realized that he always has something to say about everything we do, and I didn't realize that until when I talked to him one time and he was speaking of something we did like three quests ago and I had to keep talking to him until he was finally caught up with the current events. it was super hilarious

Also I love Boo! when Minsc introduced me to this space hamster I immediately feel in love with his tiny wittle paw awnd hwis wittle whiskews- also Boo had so much personality and I love him for that.

now. it is time to be down bad. Gale. my beloved. if you have seen the amount of posts and art that I reblog about him, you could probably tell that I am absolutely down bad for this man. I don't know when it started, but holy shit. this man got me kicking my legs and squealing like a little school girl. every romance scene with him got me down bad. he says just the sweetest things and I am on the floor dead from a heart attack. he proposed to me at the end of the game. i was happy :)

other points about Gale: he is super funny. every joke with him is hilarious. Mystra is a bitch. he gives dedicated history professor vibes. his camp outfit looks so comfy. he hates sneaking because his knees hate sneaking. he is best friends with his tressym named Tara, who he summoned NOT because of tressyms being known for being a great familiar, but because he wanted a friend. pleasure domes lol

i guess this is all to say that I love every companion in bg3

i believe I got the best ending (in terms of good or bad endings) in the game, and my hot take is that I actually love the ending of the game! i don't know what other people were talking about when they said it wasn't satisfying. the only critique I can give about the ending is that if you don't romance either Shadowheart or Astarion, you don't really know what happens to them after the events of the game other than they probably have a happy ending. other than that, great ending!

i will say that I do agree with most other people when they say that act 3 is maybe the weakest act in the game. not that it isn't a bad act. i just think it's unnecessary difficult even in explorer difficulty, which I did had to set it to because balanced wasn't cutting it for my smooth brain. i also had difficulty with trying to figure out what to do or where to go for a huge chunk of the act. and if it wasn't for a few helpful guides, I might have accidentally skipped a huge chunk of the quests and gotten a worse ending for a lot of my companions. also yeah. act 3 is extremely buggy. not unplayable buggy, but it did cause a lot of problems with my playthrough including me having to redo 5 hours of progress because of a bug

also fighting the githyanki at any point in the game starting from the end of act 2 is an absolute nightmare. how are a group of githyanki monks a more difficult fight than the literal god of death?

speaking of death, i love the dead three. i think they are amazing antagonists. my favorite with being Thorm. he is just so intimidating and he gave an amazing first impression. it helps that he is voiced by J.K. Simmons.

OH AND RAPHAEL! he is so theatre kid evil and that is amazing! best fight theme in the game. i saved the song on my Spotify before I even got to his fight because I heard it for the first time when I was kind of watching my brother play and I fell in love with the song.

i wish there was more to do in act 2, but in terms of story, it is extremely strong and the act is extremely spooky, which I love. i got scarred for life in the house of healing. though I think the biggest strength with act 2 is Shadowheart. she stole the show in act 2.

also Gale's act 2 romance scene hehe <3

Scratch best boy

Owl bear cub so adorable

oh! also when exploring the szarr palace, I found an owl bear plush and I immediately wanted it to be real. i immediately stole it because it is the best thing ever

i love this game so much! there is so much more I want to speak about, but then this would turn into a novel if I mentioned everything. I might make a post about my Tav later on, but that's for later. i already made a google doc about her profile, but there is so much more that I want to discuss about her outside that doc, so...maybe I can share the doc whenever and maybe let people send asks about the character and I can discuss more in detail stuff that wasn't mentioned

I'm probably gonna take a short break from playing bg3 since I still just want to think about the finale and I spent maybe 80 hours of gameplay on this one run (i say this one run because I have been playing a bit with my brother and friend)

afterwards I want to do a redeemed dark urge run. i might romance Astarion not because I see him in a romantic light, but because I really ship him with the durge thanks to all of the art I have seen

tldr; bg3 is amazing

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northwest-cryptid · 2 months

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Tags were gonna cut me short, but the tags on my last reblog cut into the idea that I hate the way western english speakers are taught to behave when speaking.

And it doesn't matter where you're from if I'm being honest. I've heard it from anyone ranging from Americans to Canadians to even people from the UK and such, though admittedly it's primarily a Western, North America type thing from what I can tell.

The idea is that you're taking up my time with your answer, and attaching unnecessary emotional baggage I didn't ask for.

If I say "hey would you mind taking out the trash?"

and you say:

"Yea sure."

Great fantastic, done and done; stop wasting my time.

^ not my actual views mind you, this is just how we're taught to think in the western english speaking culture.

If you say instead:

"I'd literally rather do anything else, but yeah give me a minute and I'll get to it for you."

Suddenly you're complaining, you're making me feel guilty for asking; don't attach emotion to it!

^ Again, not my actual views. But how this sort of thing has been taken when I speak.

What you likely meant by those words:

"Yes I would mind, but I care enough about you to do things I mind doing if it makes you happy."

I've spoke to people from all over the world; and a lot of other countries don't sugarcoat things. I have been told repeatedly shit like "oh yeah our boss is from Russia, he's really blunt but he means well!"

only to meet the guy and by "blunt" they mean he'll just outright see me sick and say shit like "you're not well, you shouldn't be at work; go home this is no place for a sick person." In a very clearly (even to my autistic ass) concerned manner.

Only what he means is "you're forcing yourself to work while sick, not only is that not healthy; but if you are contagious you might get others sick. You should be home resting."

American managers have literally said "you okay? If you're sick go home or don't let anyone know."

^ The big thing here again comes back to you being an inconvenience for others.

North America as a whole is sort of just culturally like that in how we speak. I know a lot of people really latch onto this "americans are rude but Canada is a sweet little uwu bean who can't do anything wrong" and like nope lol absolutely not what are you talking about.

Regardless, this is just sort of a thing we do; we're not outright told this is why we're doing it, it's something I only picked up on likely because I'm really fucking autistic and I pay a lot of attention to what words mean rather than how words are said because of it. Tone inflection is really difficult for me; and it means I've had to always provide context and further explanation for my words. It also is hard for me to tell what other people mean when they say things unless I give it time and thought.

It's the same general reason we don't REALLY explain how we are when someone says "how's it going?" We have a culture of polite exchanges that specifically don't take up your time, attention, or energy.

I often see people talk about how "person from place" says something vs how like, Americans say shit. Which like yea, we're basically told not to speak more than absolutely necessary. Even going through school I was often told to condense sentences, find bigger words to replace multiple smaller words; say more with less.

If my friend asks me to hang out and I say:

"Sure what are you up for?"

That's fine, this is acceptable. It completely ignores the fact that I'm now unbeknownst to the asker; shifting my responsibilities around, I'm having to make time for them. Now in my brain if they don't do the same for me our friendship feels extremely one sided. It's suddenly a matter of "I make all this time to hang out, I bother to go out of my way for them all the time; and they can't do this one thing for me!?" But in reality, they have NO IDEA I'm doing that, because I am not explaining that.

If I however say instead,

"My friend, time spend with you is one of my life's greatest gifts. Allow me some time to finish my necessary things around the house and I should be able to spare a few hours tonight!"

This is weird, and suddenly it's too much. No one likes this apparently, I've made it weird.

But when someone from another country speaks that way it's okay in the eyes of a lot of people because "that's just how they talk there!"

The North Americas have no sense of unique individual identity on a person to person scale; at least not in how we speak. We're to explain ourselves with brand loyalty, with our wallets; what we play, what we drive, what we eat, what we wear.

But don't get me wrong, if any of those things are "wrong" you're weird for it. Ousted from any sense of community because you didn't abide by our need for a collective culture where THIS is good and THAT is bad, where THIS is acceptable and normal but THAT is wrong and weird.

Anyways I have a lot of thoughts but yea this sort of passed through my brain again.

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lizard-shifter-noms · 9 months

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Wayward Waters Chapter 18

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Hello everyone! Chapter 18!

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

have fun reading!

and as always Reblogs are appreciated! (Also ASK’s are open so feel free to bother me!)

AO3 Link for those that prefer the layout there;

AO3 Wayward waters

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Walking back inside after this unusual conversation I kept an eye out for anyone really, be that Robin, Rikaad or any of the Halcyon crew that came with us.

While I did not see Rikaad I did see Robin talking to Ronan, both rambling about things,

probably cacti as that was the only common interest I knew they had.

Well nice to see they went along, Now where were the other two Crew members?

Walking outside into the needlessly perfectionist garden I saw Jamie perch on a fancy looking bench, digging grooves repeatedly into the wooden backrest.

“Jamie! Akeem! There you are!”

Jamie puffed up worse than a startled pigeon, claws digging even more into the wood.

“Calm down it's just me, and please don't scratch my face off”

Damn Jamie was really on edge, well no wonder when the entire island had seemed hostile.

Jamie blinked and then stopped the threat display.

“FUCKING SHIT! If i knew this place was like this i would have stayed home and bothered the other two while working!”

I flinched back a little at the volume, damn they had lungs.

“Uh, well i'm sure Rikaad is about to talk some sense into the people here, might take a while though”

Jamie just scoffed, walking sidewards to perch on Akeem instead.

“Yeah sure, as if that would undo the shit they already did, also do you really think people like that would just change their mind like that? And so fast? i'll tell you, they don't”

That I knew, I still didn't dare go alone to the town, or had actually been there aside from walking through with multiple people at once.

“I know, but at least some people are trying, so that's good right?”

Jamie just narrowed their eyes for a bit.

“Yeah sure, it's better than nothing, but it shouldn't have to be done in the first place, I hope we leave soon.

This place sucks, they don't even have the creativity for good insults! Which somehow makes it even more insulting? Aaarhgh!”

Yeah considering Jamie could swear like a, well sailor, it was not really a surprise they'd take bad insults as even more insulting.

“Well, I mean that says more about them than you? Like uh, if they cant even come up with a good insult they really are just stupid,

and it really shouldn't matter what they say cuz they're wrong anyway”

Jamie just stared unamusedly.

“Nice of you to try and cheer me up, but can it, i've heard that all before, but yeah it shouldn't matter but it fucking does, and they keep getting more stupid people to believe it as well.

Sure i can deal with one or two stupid people but if ten of those are after me i cant do shit either, and in the time you manage to explain to one of them why its wrong they get three more from who the fuck even knows where.

Worst of all is that in most places they face no consequences and that makes them feel like they are untouchable, and people like those do not like to have their worldviews challenged, absolutely complacent in their own ignorance to feed their stupid ego!”

It was a good thing that Akeem was made of stone as Jamie's claws scratched over the surface after the outburst.

But yeah, Jamie was right, it did look like that no matter where I went people did the ‘others’ and ‘us’ thing, though the only place I had not seen that was kariba Island, but that was probably mainly thanks to Cassidy and the self aware nature of the citizens.

“Well then i don't what to say, but i do know what it feels like to be the outcast, i still don't dare go near the town, i'm still afraid someone with a meaningless grudge will just backstab me and leave me bleeding in an alley or something”

Jamie stopped being so puffed up.

“Oh right, you're from the place that build this place, damn that must suck, i guess im just fucking tired of living in fear, in all honest i just want to maul someone, do you want to maul someone?”

While Jamie did have some points I absolutely did NOT want to maul anyone.

“I don't like violence, so id rather not”

Jamie scoffed.

“Well the entire existence of people like that is based on violence!

They want us dead simply for existing, and then cry when we defend ourselves! But i tell you you have to punch those people right in the face before they start getting more of them to wherever they are so they think twice about bothering you”

Valid advice, to anyone else.

I simply didn't want to hurt people, but i was sure as hell not gonna argue with Jamie about that now.

“I guess, though i'm not really the punchy type, but i do know people that are, and i have no doubt that Nea would do more than just punch”

I shuddered at the thought of what I heard rumors say about her, apparently she was quite merciless even to the people on her own team.

I was glad that she had decided to like me and not beat me up.

While I spoke Akeem had gently grabbed Jamie's face with his free arm, which somehow actually worked to calm them down?

I would not try that unless absolutely necessary, Jamie would shred me with those claws.

“I suppose we should all calm down for a bit, a hot head is not good at decision making”

Jamie bapped their spindly leg on his head.

“I know the only one allowed to get a hot head is you when you're standing too long in the sun, also next time it gets hot enough to do it do you think we can get Yamet to fry some eggs on your abs?

I'm pretty sure we forgot to put seasoning on them last time”

Of course leave it to them to try and fry eggs on a living statue because why not?

At least Jamie wasn't angry anymore, well, just less angry there was always some level of anger.

Though to be fair I hadn't even understood half of the things shouted at them.

Jamie hopped down from Akeem’s shoulder, perching on the bench again instead and grumbling.

“Half of these fucks would piss their pants if they ever met one of the Bigger Zoa’s anyway, not my fucking fault im tiny”

Tiny and filled with rage yes, also again that word, what the fuck was a Zoa?

“Uh, what IS a Zoa? I've heard someone shout it as we walked here and you just mentioned it again”

Jamie stared at me as if I was an idiot, which to be fair I sometimes was.

“I'M a Zoa dumbass, an Imik technically also? I think?

Hes Hybrid though, also Nymra is Zoa too”

“That explains nothing”

They stared with a deadpan expression.

“Zoa are the people that have animal traits, whatever those might be,

So things like Harpies, Avians, nagas and centaurs and so on are all considered Zoa, basically everything that's got a mix of Human and animal traits, I have my bird legs as you can see!

Imik got his fish scales and gills and Nymra is a Harpy, well i guess by that logic the fucking Kraken is Zoa as well”

They shrugged at that.

Huh, so Zoa was just a term for the ones with the animal traits?

“So it's just a word for people with animal traits?

Is it a mean thing to say or not? Also yeah if those guys had seen the Kraken they would have fainted for sure”

Jamie just tilted their head.

“Eh it's not a slur, not really at least, i guess it depends on how you say it, but then again i've heard people use weird things as slurs”

Yeah I was not about to ask about those.

Before anyone could say anything else Shalimar pelted something at Akeem and yelled, dragging a breathless looking Ronan by the collar.

He did not look like he was getting enough air.

“HEY THERE YOU ARE! The boss guy said he was gonna tell who's the new mayor tomorrow! Who do you think it'll be?”

She skidded to a halt maybe a few inches away from where Jamie was perched, receiving a hefty bap on the head from one of Jamie's spindly bird legs.

“We don't fucking know anyone here, why should we know?”

“I'm not asking you! I'm asking pointy ears here!”

She turned to me, clearly just wanting insider information ahead of time, probably to tease other people.

“What? No idea i don't know anyone here either, i didn't even know what Rikaad’s plan was coming here, go ask him”

“I already did! He told me to leave! Also my Dad is trying to catch me and send me back onto the ship, don't tell him I was here!”

With that she left, dragging Ronan still with her.

We stared for a few moments at where she disappeared.

“Well Ronan is gonna suffocate like that, if he does i want to be the new captain!”

Jamie proclaimed, standing straighter on the bench.

Oh so Ronan WAS the captain, well just because he owned the boat didn't mean he was good at being a captain, He got distracted pretty easily.

Akeem grabbed Jamie, their arms trapped at the sides.

“You would not exactly make a good captain either, i say we go and free him before he Does suffocate”

Jamie just huffed but ultimately let the stone man do whatever, Which in this case was to carry the Bird legged maniac after wherever the clearly hyper Shalimar went to help Ronan not get strangled.

To be fair there wasn't much one could do against the living statue, even swords couldn't scratch him and he had no problem tossing a full grown man twenty feet like he weighed nothing.

A good thing he was one of the calmer people in this rather hectic place.

“Donovan! Look!”

I turned around as I heard my ginger friend call me over, he was holding a bunch of flowers, ah he was making flower crowns again.

He stopped in front of me, holding up the brightly colored petals.

“They have so many flowers here! And most of them don't grow in Kamerasca! I wish I could bring them all back home!”

“Heh, if you take all of them the people here don't won't have any, but maybe you can get some seed packets and then try to make them grow back at home?”

“Ohh good idea! Maybe we can take some seeds directly from the plants here! Come help me!”

I let myself be dragged through the overly perfectionistic garden, Robin showing me how to get a few seeds from the plants that did have them this early before searching around the manor to see where all the gardening stuff was kept.

We also did find some beehives in the far back part of the garden, the little fuzzy insects buzzing around and not paying either of us any mind.

Though we still kept a respectful distance to the hives, really not wanting to be perceived as a sudden threat.

At the end of the day we had a total of maybe ten different flowers, not a lot but surely at least one would grow in the slightly colder climate of Kamerasca.

We also got called into the manor itself, nobody really deeming it safe to stay outside at night, especially for me considering my pointy ears.

Which was fair, I had seen how people reacted to Jamie, and if not for the Fae man putting his hat on my head I probably would have things thrown at me as well.

Hopefully he was able to find a name he liked.

Someone shoved us into a room all the way at the other end of the manor where barely anyone else was and I noticed that the ceiling here was pretty high up.

No doubt Rikaad had ordered for me to stay here in case I wanted to shift.

Did I want to shift? The last time I did I attacked a boat and lost a tooth.

The gap still felt weird and I was really glad that I had an extra pair that could replace the lost one.

Still, hopefully that would grow in fast.

I stared out the window for a few minutes before Robin's ginger hair appeared in the way.

“Are you okay? You've been, weird, is anything wrong?”

Well there were quite a few things, but i also did not want to worry him, especially not before sleep.

“It's just been a very weird week, and i don't like the gap in my teeth, i think i just need a break from the hectic stuff”

After this was over and we were back home I would definitely go into the forest and stuff my face into moss.

“Does the Ardua part of you not like the ocean? I mean it is more of a forest creature”

That was also a point, though how far did the Ardua mix with the actual me? I would have to ask Oakley that.

“Honestly? No idea, I'm just glad I know how to swim, maybe you're right though i do prefer solid ground to a boat by a lot”

On the mainland there was also a lot more space to do things than on the smaller islands here, not to mention I was not familiar with the environment here.

“I also like Kamerasca more than this, though they do have interesting plants here”

Suddenly he hugged me tightly, mumbling into my chest.

“I'm so glad you're okay, after you fell off i barely slept, i'm still afraid that i might wake up on the Victory Rose with you gone”

Oh, yeah he did see that pretty up close, no wonder that haunted his brain.

“Don't worry i'm still here, and I'm gonna make sure not to fall off again, yeah?”

He just mumbled something unintelligible.

“Want me to be fuzzy?”

He hummed an agreement and I had to pry him off before I could shift, the Ardua form just about fitting comfortably into the room.

Robin was immediately hugging my arm before I had even actually settled down, clinging to my arm as if I could disappear again.

Since he was clinging to my upper arm I couldn't exactly hug him, so instead I used my head to gently squish him, making him laugh.

“I'm not a pillow!”

I let out a huff and turned my head more, rapping the ginger with just enough pressure that he couldn't move away but still could shove it at my face.

“You are now!”

As far as I could see of him he had stuck his tongue out at me, shoving playfully at my face.

“Hahaha, come on! I'll end up drowning in all that fuzz!

And I managed to avoid that pretty good with water so far!”

Eh, it wasn't that much hair was it?

I lifted my head regardless and he slid down to the floor in a surprised heap.

Then I immediately put my head down again, trapping him again and he squeaked in joy, now trying to tickle the underside of my jaw.

It was not effective, the opposite really.

Apparently the cat part of this form was more integrated than I had thought, and I ended up purring loudly as Robin continued scritching at the thinner fur of my lower jaw.

He giggled and kept doing it, considering he had admitted in the past to liking the sound that was no wonder.

At some point he had slipped out from under my jaw and was instead shoving at my face again, trying to shove the lip covering the gap where a tooth was missing away.

“Mhh?”

“I just wanna see again, you did have splinters everywhere so I wanna make sure there aren't any, also I wanna take a look at the new tooth!

You did say it was gonna grow back!”

Oh right, though there probably wasn't much to see yet.

“Sure, though i don't know if you can see anything yet, i'm pretty sure most if not all of the new one are still in my skull”

I let him poke around a bit, and he actually managed to fit his entire arm into the gap, finding that incredibly funny for some reason.

“I bet I could stick my entire head in!”

“Yeah please don't, all my OTHER teeth are still sharp”

He just hummed in acknowledgement and tried to spy the new tooth growing out, to no success.

“Aww i can't see anything, but it kinda reminds me of a window!

I bet I could look out from inside!”

Of course he would come up with something like that, but to be fair he'd probably find it funny, and there wasn't really any other opportunity for it anyway as soon as the tooth grew back.

As expected he managed to talk me into it, to be fair that wasn't exactly a hard feat.

And now he was laying in my mouth, giggling over the fact he could look out like that.

After a bit I attempted to let him slide out again so he could sleep but he stopped himself by bracing against my remaining teeth.

I stopped tilting my head worried he might get cut, letting out a confused sound.

“I- uhm, can i- can I sleep inside? Im- im still worried that i might wake up to find you gone, or get another nightmare from when you fell off”

My mind blanked for a millisecond, though what he said did make some sense, at least regarding him.

Head said in the past he slept better when he wasn't alone, and considering that after I fell into the water he had the room alone it was no wonder he had gotten nightmares.

Well it really wasn't any inconvenience to me so why not?

If it made him feel better, strange as it might be might as well.

I gave an affirmative hum and instead of tilting my head even more forward I tilted it backwards, letting the ginger slide into my throat before gulping strongly.

Swallowing two more times he spilled into my pouch, immediately turning around and getting comfy.

I myself did pretty much the same, tucking all limbs close and getting comfy as well on the floor.

“Got what you wanted?”

“Mhm, yeah, thank you, i don't think i’ll have any nightmares like this”

He yawned and slumped over, the adrenaline from before apparently running out.

“Donovan? Why am I hearing two hearts? Are you okay?”

Oh he noticed that?

Well from where he was it was probably easier to hear.

He should probably explain.

“Oh, yeah, that, remember that I told you Ronan tossed an electric eel at me? Apparently the shock I got from that kick started my second heart somehow? But don't worry I'm okay, I mean two is better than one right?”

There haven been any problems with it aside from the initial confusion, and I was now pretty sure the nausea I had felt was from a concussion.

“Isn't it weird to have both-”

“Yes absolutely, i really wanted to throw up after waking up, and it took pretty long for my brain to register what it was as well”

It really was weird, but I had gotten used to it pretty quickly, which was also a bit strange but better than feeling awful for longer.

“As long as you're alright, though it does sound funny”

Of course to him it would, though it probably did sound a bit funny seeing as they weren't exactly in tune, whatever function that had.

“I suppose it does? I'm actually kinda glad i don't hear my own organs all the time, id go mad”

Fuck knew if i did id stab my own eardrums.

“Mhm, that would get annoying, and probably distract from talking to people”

Oh yeah that as well, and some people were already bad at listening anyway.

I could hear Robin yawing again, barely holding himself upright at all at this point

“Tired?”

Robin just hummed in agreement, yawning again.

I had to chuckle as the ginger stretched like a cat before settling down again.

Well it was late now, better i'd go to sleep as well.

“Goodnight then, wake me if you need anything”

Robin did not answer, already mostly asleep.

************************************************************************

Robin was glad Donovan had agreed to let him sleep in the pouch, he actually preferred it over having to sleep in a new and unfamiliar place.

And like this he didn't have to worry about Nightmares or Donovan disappearing again, he was literally all around him so there was no way he could manage to leave without Robin.

He twisted around until he got comfy on the warm flesh, feeling Donovan do pretty much the same outside on the floor.

Out of the two of them Robin had probably the better bed right now.

“Got what you wanted?”

Robin looked up at the voice, useless as that was in the darkness, and nobody could see him either anyway.

“Mhm, yeah, thank you, i don't think i’ll have any nightmares like this”

He yawned and laid back against his warm surroundings, Strangely enough hearing two heartbeats?

“Donovan? Why am I hearing two hearts? Are you okay?”

He could feel the body around him shifting in confusion for a moment.

Robin hummed, finding it strange but he was really no stranger to his friend's weird doubled anatomy.

And hey, if both worked now that was better right?

“Isn't it weird to have both-”

“Yes absolutely, i really wanted to throw up after waking up, and it took pretty long for my brain to register what it was as well”

Robin let out a laugh, of course it would be weird to suddenly have two working hearts when he'd lived this far with only one.

“As long as you're alright, though it does sound funny”

It really did, the hearts weren't exactly synchronized but both worked to push blood through the giant body around him.

“I suppose it does? I'm actually kinda glad i don't hear my own organs all the time, id go mad”

Robin did have to agree with that, if he heard his own heartbeat all the time it would get annoying.

“Mhm, that would get annoying, and probably distract from talking to people” He yawned again, sliding down the damp wall a bit more, collecting in a heap at what was probably the bottom of the pouch.

“Tired?”

Robin just hummed in agreement, yawning again and stretching once before curling up again.

He could feel the large body chuckle around him, the walls slightly moving at the sound.

“Goodnight then, wake me if you need anything”

Robin mumbled something back but he wasn't sure if Donovan had heard it before falling asleep.

************************************************************************

The next time I woke up was by someone kicking at my outstretched paw.

“Oi, Fuzzbrain, get up, you missed breakfast and the bossman is having some sort of speech later to choose the new mayor or whatever”

I blinked blearily at the voice, seeing Jamie rake their claws through my fur.

Could nobody send someone less chaotic to wake me up?

First Nea and now this bird legged maniac.

“Mhm, gimme some time to get ready, i'll be out there in a bit”

Jamie shrugged and turned to leave, then turned back and rapidly bapped their clawed leg against my nose before hopping out.

“You ought to close your window at night!”

My head snapped to the, indeed still open, window.

Ah, fuck.

Well as long as it was only Jamie that knew it would probably be okay.

Probably.

Jamie wasn't the sort to go off and tattle, or had at least enough mind to know what to shut up about.

Well better wake Robin up now, i couldn't exactly go to that speech like this.

Poking at the pouch I softly called out to the ginger.

“Robin, wake up, Rikaad is doing some speech”

There was mumbling and he turned over, likely blocking his ears.

“That again? You really are not a morning person huh?”

Still, he had to get up, and I had to shift back.

“Come on, i have to shift back and i can't do that with you in there”

There was more mumbling and he seemed to finally wake up, if slowly so.

“Mhm? What time is it? Why'd you wake me?”

I could feel him sit somewhat upright, still rather groggy though.

“We have to get up, Rikaad is doing a speech or something,

and i have to shift back to fit through the door”

The door wasn't even half the size of the Ardua form, the room itself just barely big enough for it.

“Mh, okay, what's the thingy about?”

What did Jamie say again? New mayor right?

“Uh i think he's gonna appoint a new mayor, maybe some other things?”

He stretched and shoved a bit at the walls of my pouch.

“Alright, i hope if this is over we can go home soon, or at least go to a beach with nice seashells all of us together”

“eh if Rikaad wont come with i'll just drag him, or we can throw sand at him”

That made him laugh.

“With how fancy things he's wearing, it's gonna take forever to get out!”

“Yeah, speaking of getting out, your turn so brace yourself”

Righting myself as much as I could in the limited space I brought the redhead back up, letting him slide to the floor where he gave a thumbs up.

Though he still didn't get up, grabbing one of the discarded pillows and pulling it closer.

I poked at him with a paw, making sure every claw was retracted.

“Come on, we don't want to be late do we?”

“Hmmm fine, s’not warm anymore anyway”

With that he finally stood up, hair sticking out in every direction and making him look like a scraggly cat.

“Go brush your hair while I shift back, yeah?”

He nodded and yawned, walking out to get properly ready while I turned the bracelet gem and shrunk back into a more human size.

There was a mirror on the wall and after checking myself over I found that since I had slept as Ardua there wasn't much to be done.

Practical!

Now to collect Robin and head out for whatever Rikaad was doing.

Jamie really could have given a better explanation than whatever that was.

Eh they probably only halfway listened anyway.

NEXT / PREVIOUS / OVERSIGHT

#sstc #lizards writing #vore story #giant/tiny #soft vore #extreme cuddling #v0re #g/t vore #g/t story #sfw vore #Ardua #Sea of Barmea #nsx vore

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fairlyqualityanon · 2 years

Note

I saw your tags on the ask meme, and it's totally true. People don't send in asks anymore and it's a bit aggravating. Not even talking about my own blog but on other people's blogs too. Obviously nobody's obligated to do so but I think a lot of blogs, especially the rp/ask blogs, would benefit from more interaction. I think it could prevent some of the frustration or boredom for those blogs too.

It's entitlement, I'm dead serious - messaged someone who'd rbed a ton of stuff from me, telling them I did Reblog Karma and that expecting people to send you asks when you refuse to send any makes 0 sense. They flipped out, saying they knew but they wanted asks and I was being controlling (because not wanting people rbing things from me means I dictate what's on their blog??) and they were pretty nasty about it.

On my other blogs people tell me repeatedly that it's a compliment, for them to rb prompts from me because I should be thankful they even noticed my blog exists.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I just block people who do that (exempt are people who actually talk to me about stuff because that's p much the same thing)

"yOu HaVe To SeNd AsKs To GeT aSkS" ticks me off because I do (sometimes with Anon, and I have Anon enabled on my blog)

Makes me feel like I'm not human, just an object for others' pleasure...

#I have interesting talks with my therapist over this kinda stuff #I sigh in despair at how this site has become #Dont see people as /people/ any more #Shut up Qrow nobody cares #Hoo boy theres a tale behind that tag #Mun rant #Edit and now im depressed

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xiaoslxt · 2 years

Note

Smut prompt 40 w xiao pls <3

"I love the way you look with my fingers inside you."

Game closed.

Characters: Xiao

Genre: smut

Warnings: fem! Sub! Reader, fingering with rings (Fauna's idea!), dirty talk, degradation (slut) mixed with praise, overstimulation, petnames (baby, good girl)

Format: drabble

Taglist: @ayatonomy @kreideprinzessin @irethepotato-reblogs @yaeism

It should be illegal for your boyfriend to look as hot as he does, especially when he wears all those chains and rings.

And it would be lie if Xiao said he didn't notice the way you're staring at his fingers, or that it didn't made him want to make you shake and twitch.

"You're drooling." Xiao suddenly tells you, making you meet his eyes and therefore rips you out of your thoughts. "What? Don't look at me like that."

"S-Sorry.." You mumble and try to scoot away, but he catches your wrist and pulls you close again.

"Who said you could leave? Your eyes tell, baby, and you're not subtle about it."

"Stop teasing!" You exclaim and try to escape his grip, but to no avail.

"Tell me what you were thinking about when you looked at my fingers so longingly, won't you?" He mumbles into your ear and chuckles when you shudder.

"I... Wanted them.." You vaguely reply, heat adorning your cheeks.

"Where do you want them? Tell me, or you won't get them at all."

"In... In my pussy.... please, Xiao!" You're embarrassed by saying such things, but ultimately don't regret it when he pulls you between his legs and orders you to strip from the waist down.

"Go on baby, show me your pretty little cunt." He says before licking a stripe up the side of your neck, making you feel excited and hastily do as he says.

"That's my good girl." Xiao smirks and holds you against his chest with one arm, while his other free hand slides down to feel your wetness. "Aw, how cute. You're already so wet for me, my cute little slut."

"C'mon Xiao.. don't keep me waiting!" You plead and move your hips.

"So impatient." He clicks his tongue and starts to circle your clit with two fingers before briefly dipping them in, and then repeating this action over and over.

Your legs are shaky from all his teasing, the slight cold of his metal rings on your pussy, and your orgasm feels so close yet so far at the same time. "Are... you trying to edge me??"

"Edge you? Oh no, I have a better idea.."

With no time to inquire or adjust, he suddenly pushes his fingers inside and repeatedly brushes against your g-spot. "X-Xiao!! Too fast!!"

"Be quiet and take it like the good slut you are." He hisses and purposely makes his palm hit your clit every time he pushes his fingers back in. "Shit, I love the way you look with my fingers inside you."

"F- Fuck! Xiao I'm-"

"Go ahead baby, cum all over my fingers. Make a mess."

You release the tension and Xiao watches with a satisfied smile as your legs shake and your whole body twitches.

But he doesn't stop his movements, not even caring that his favorite rings are getting soaked by your cum.

"A- Ah! Babe, 'm sensitive! Stop!" You whine, but don't actually do anything to stop him.

"I don't see you resisting, so take what I give you."

#xiaoslxt.ask #genshin smut #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #xiao smut #xiao x reader #xiao imagines #xiao scenarios

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cuntess-carmilla · 3 years

Note

if you weren’t gender essentialist you wouldn’t have “no men” in your bio. And you’re acting like it isn’t tma lesbians who are spearheading these conversations because terfs apply the same shit you’ve said about men to us and your posts about lesbianism get terf engagement bc the verbiage you use is similar to theirs.

It says "unless I followed 1st" aka they can follow, but under a specific set of circumstances, and they can otherwise interact freely. It also says "no whites", do I have to defend myself over that too now? I'm sorry you can't read properly past the first few words of a line, but that's not my fault. Hell, I'd add "no ableds" as well if it wasn't because a lot of disabled people don't even know that they're disabled because FUCK am I done with the ableds.

Not that I owe you an explanation but both boundaries are there because men and white people of all genders in this website have either treated me violently REPEATEDLY SINCE 2011, or allowed their followers to treat me that way. Men have also sexually harassed me here and I'm already a survivor since I was a child, I don't need more of that.

TERFs will twist and apply literally anything to their ideology, even when it's blatantly hostile to them. Have you not seen them try to claim theoretical and literary work that LITERALLY goes out of its way to be trans inclusive at times very explicitly? TERFs are dumb as shit and think their ideology is as natural as "male violence" so everyone not a transfem Must deep down inside agree with them even if they're saying the opposite!

They also reblog posts about femicide no matter how it's handled OR IF IT MENTIONS TRANSFEMICIDES ALONGSIDE THE FEMICIDES OF CIS WOMEN (been done to my posts!), and posts about abortion that treat the subject gender neutrally. They've reblogged my posts on fucking chronic illness as well, much more than a few times, not from me directly as if they were MY followers, but because it showed up on their dashes after many reblogs.

They've reblogged my posts on goth stuff, disability posts that have nothing to do with gender, global south politics that have nothing to do with feminism... Are those posts TERFy too now?

How about my posts where I talk about the inherent fatalism and uselessness of feminism that sees men as inevitably violent, awful or abusive, how that is suicidal feminism and an easy way out for men to yet again escape accountability when they actively choose to side with the patriarchy? Do those not count now because you're bent on projecting your perception of me onto me at all costs and have that held as fact by everyone?

Do I have to show you my selfies with my cis guy friends to convince you I don't think even cis men are inherently the Devil? Do I have to bring up my relationships both platonic and not to the transfems in my life? I really don't want to do that last one because that'd feel cheap as hell, exploitative of those treasured relationships and gross, but God...

I make 99.9% of my posts on lesbianism explicitly trans inclusive of both non-binary sapphics of all sorts and sapphic trans women. Those are posts that usually don't even remotely mention men other than "lesbians don't like men, bi women do but they're still not straight", and TERFs still engage as if I hadn't said any of those things. TERFs will engage with any-fucking-thing like that Gardfield meme going "Huh, wonder who that's for" at a poster of his own face crossed out.

You seem to be under the impression that TERFs like me waaaaay more than they actually do. They don't! Obviously I'm not and will never be targetted by them the way transfems are, but they're not part of my hypothetical fanclub either.

Sometimes they reblog my posts specifically to tell me to fuck off for being a "sellout" or accusing me of being a trans woman myself or of not being a Real Lesbian™ for my past long-term relationship. You probably don't see it in the notes because rather than make a spectacle of my attempts to commit to trans women's liberation, to show how Good™ I am of an ally, I block them on sight and ignore them with veeeeeeery rare exceptions because I don't want my transfem followers exposed to their bullshit. I go out of my way to block them en masse, for hours at a time, whenever one reblogs me too, and I often try to find the last decent person that lead them to me and warn them that a TERF is following them. I block them on sight even when they're TERFs who happen to be chronically ill and who reblog my chronic illness posts, which could be of major positive material impact to their disabled lives, but genuinely fuck them anyway. They can fuck off.

I don't know what else you want from me other than to remove a boundary I set for my safety and peace of mind, one that's not anywhere near as absolute as you (poorly) interpret it to be. If that is what you want, sorry, I'm not gonna do that. I've been harassed and stalked by men too much here for that. It's enough that it happens offline all the time, I'd like to avoid it where I can exert some actual control for once.

That said; I blocked you and I told you I did in the last message you sent me. You still went out of your way to bypass that boundary through a VPN or some other tool of the sort. You've been sending me messages for weeks that were (if I remember correctly) all vague and much more meant to upset me than to actually try to hold me accountable for anything (which is why I didn't engage until now) and I blocked you then too. Please get a fucking life. This isn't good or healthy for you.

While you work on getting yourself a nice hobby, anon will be off indefinitely. Good luck going forward. Sorry to all the nice anons and the anons who came to me for chronic illness related reasons that I used to get.

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love-amihan · 3 years

Text

EP. 3; SWEET LULLABIES

amihan's note: this contains more writing than pictures!! really excited with this series, the ideas just kept coming in my head kfndkf how are you all liking this so far? i'd love hear your thoughts in replies! or you can send me an ask, whichever you're comfortable with ^3^)/ enough chit chats, here you go happy reading!

masterlist; regrets@1004

friend!megumi x fem!reader, friend!yuji x fem!reader

you knocked on megumi's door bouncing on the balls of your feet, "gumi i swear to god i will kick this door down!" you shouted from the other side, hearing his footsteps you wear a glare on your face as soon as the door opened "sorry was doing something"

you let out a huff making your way inside his house, your glare soon turned to a soft smile seeing the acoustic guitar lying down on his couch. you turned and face him showing your smile, he raises a brow at the sudden change of your mood "for someone who grew up with a person that sang nonstop to them, you sure get excited every time"

megumi sat down holding his guitar, his finger mindlessly plucking the strings random chords filling the room. "but yuta's overrated" you said waving a hand around, you situated yourself in front of him leaning on your hand. "besides, it's not like you always sing to us"

he just shrugs looking up at you before returning his attention back to his guitar, "why did you call me so suddenly anyways?" your head slightly tilting to the side, "yuta said he was gonna be busy today recording a cover, he forgot that we we're gonna have one of those jamming"

"and you called me just for that?" you got confused since it's not like he need someone to hear him sing a cover song, "no, been composing something actually" you gasped loudly causing him to look back at you, "what?"

you pointed a finger at him other hand on your chest, showing you're hurt "and you didn't tell us- me?!" megumi grumbles looking to the side, his mouth slowly turning into a pout "it's nothing special, why would i need to?" you shake your head at him before realizing something.

"wait. does that mean i'm the first to hear it?" you look at him, your eyes sparkling in excitement. he shake his head, "actually it was yuta" you threw your hands up not caring about his statement, "no, i stand by that i'm the first" he let out a sigh, yuji really has been rubbing off on you.

"let's hear it let's hear it let's hear it" you chanted clapping your hands together, his fingers gliding in the right place for the correct chords. "it's still a bit rough, tell me if you hear something wrong or if you have any suggestion" he reminded you giving you a last look, you eagerly nod at him before he looked back down clearing his throat as the start of the song nears. his soft voice echoes the room blending perfectly with the warm sound of his guitar.

you stare at megumi with wide eyes after he finished his little performance, "what do you think?" he asked while putting away his guitar, "i think i'll have another famous friend" you exclaimed at him still amazed by his creation. he rolled his eyes at you, "so that's all i am to you huh? fame?" he crossed his arms playing around with you

you gasp sitting down next to him, "of course it's about your bank too, i mean jeez gojo really went into depositing money on your account" you turn and look at megumi who's laughing a little, "what? it's true" he raises a brow "the money?" you frown bumping shoulders with him slightly "about gojo silly"

you giggle hearing him breathe out in relief, "can't believe you really think of me like that" he shrugs "gotta be safe" you pushed him to the side yelling at him while he laughed at you.

you repeatedly scroll on your phone getting frustrated as seconds pass by, you can't believe it yuji really forgot this. he's leaving you in his inbox, not even on read! you can't help but feel a little upset by this, it's been your thing for so long and it felt like it was part of your daily routine at this point.

you shake your head trying not to overthink, "no, he's most likely just busy" you said to yourself nodding in encouragement. you blink down at your phone screen not knowing you were calling someone,

"y/n?" you heard megumi's voice from your phone speaker, "heyyyy i didn't realized i called you, sorry about that" you mumble to your phone as you press it against your ear, "did something happened? you don't sound like you usually do" he voiced out, talkative than usual.

you let out a sigh, lips slowly turning into a pout. "kind of a childish reason" you muttered drawing circles on your lap, "when wasn't?" you groan hearing his chuckle on the other side, "on a serious note, you wanna talk about it?" you shake your head before remembering you're on a call,

"don't wanna" megumi hummed, "wanna facetime instead?" you agreed angling your phone where he can see you properly, you waved at the camera seeing him leaning on his bed's headboard, you leaned on the pillow you're hugging mumbling your words "can you sing for me again?"

megumi looks at you for a minute before sighing, "fine since you're upset today" he cleared his throat beginning to sing you a song. before you knew it, your eyes are slowly drooping close, megumi's voice lulling you in the background. a few minutes passed and you're already fast asleep, he looked at your peaceful state longingly "so pretty" his voice cause you to stir in your sleep.

he purses his lips almost getting caught, holding his breath until you make no move of waking up. megumi smiled before taking a screenshot, "sweet dreams beautiful, hope you'll feel better when you wake up" he whispers before tapping the end call button.

-random facts;

megumi respects yuta more than the others because of his talents

yuta and megumi spend most of their time jamming

one time when the group decided to let loose, megumi got so wasted that he just randomly burst out singing on the top of his lungs

no yuji's not holding a video of that as a form of blackmail

you accidentally broke yuta's guitar back in your childhood yuta was and still so heartbroken bout that

maki is slowly getting encouraged by nobara to join her on making megumi confessed

taglist; @lumpiang-toge @deanodonk @duhsies @syynnaaah @calamariie @champagnetvstes @kirustne @iamlowkeycrying @asheseiler @janessawonderwall @erueru501 @mknz01-blog @xmellows @sukunas-cult-leader

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hyruviandoctor · 7 years

Text

Can I just say that I’m really thankful for each and every one of you who has been talking to me recently? I’ve been dealing with some tough personal stuff this summer and I’ve felt really alone and forgotten, but talking with you guys has really helped lift my spirits and kept me from falling all the way back into the pit. I know this is dumb and sappy and whatever but I just

Thank you.

#you know who you are #you guys who tag me in stuff #message me #reply to my dumbass posts #all of that #I pay attention to every like and reblog and tag and I really appreciate you all #even those of you who don't actually talk to me but repeatedly reblog/like things from me #I love you all #and if you want to talk to me directly ever #through asks or messages or whatever #I'd love to talk with you #and I genuinely mean that #you've all been so nice to me #I'm so very thankful for you all #I really can't say that enough to accurately get across my feelings #I'm sorry for being a sap #I'm a hopeless romantic at heart and that sometimes comes out #I would never have thought I'd be as emotional as I am #I always kept everything inside so I couldn't get hurt #but once those floodgates were opened #man I became my grandpa #an emotional mess #sometimes in a good way #sometimes not #but hey #at least I'm actively fighting my depression now #and you guys are helping #wow this is a lot of tags #I'm so sorry for that #if you've made it this far then congratulations

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witchcraftingboop · 4 years

Text

Further Insight on Briar's Recent Discourse & Prim's Apparent Grooming of Younger, Newer Witches

It was suggested to me that instead of making one long post (which I was genuinely sorry for creating in the moment as well), that I should offer the second half in a separate one so that it is easier to share and harder to simply ignore as a wall of text.

Here is the link to the first half of the current JBird and Briar discourse floating around. I highly encourage everyone involved in the Witchblr community to review both posts and not just this final addition.

Regarding Prim stirring the pot, I actually do have proof of that on my page somewhere if you wouldn't mind my sending it to you? The person I reblogged it from, Mahi, also received death threats from Prim when they were only 16 and Prim was 20 (I can't ask him to share that though because Prim has since used her following to drive him off of Tumblr and he's still fairly [and justifiably] sensitive about it.)

Regarding Briar's statements more specifically though, I can see where the confusion is coming from. After the "in France" part, she's just defining a relevant term (hence the use of "irrelevant details) and then giving an explanation of how she came to be so knowledgeable about that term/concept. I wouldn't say she's calling Prim's activism an "irrelevant detail," but pointing out how Prim uses it as a shield against backlash whenever another blog (not just tradcrafters) calls out her platform. I don't expect you to fully understand or see what I mean when I say that, of course. Because you are still new, and these are habits I've observed of hers from nearly a year of following their interactions. I would, however, like to point out that Briar doesn't say anything racist about Prim and does not once bring up her race. In fact, I think if you read her entire post and not just point 3 as Prim has it cropped out in all of her mentions of it, you would see more fully the depth and amount of frustration Briar is trying to express. Similarly, Briar never threatened to dox Prim. She has, in fact, repeatedly tried to point out that Prim should be protecting her online information and be more aware of how to stop others from finding out about her private life/situation. These statements, however, have since been warped by Prim and her followers to come off as a threat on her life. Briar's statements above aren't a threat of doxxing. She's never once posted Prim's personal information or told others to find it or use it in any way. She has, however, searched for Taglocks on Prim, something witches especially are known to look for. In that search she found more than she was even looking for, despite trying to tell Prim repeatedly to stop being so open online with the information she posts about herself. Doxxing though is not racist. It is something used by them, sure, but it is not inherently racist.

Additionally, Prim has raised money, sure, but I still have not seen any actual receipts as to her *actually* donating it to any public or private organizations. This, for me, is highly suspect. In reality, we still have no idea where that money is. Whereas with Briar, she took no money in for a couple days on her readings and instead merely asked that those requesting a reading first submit proof of donation to an organization linked in the post. She raised substantial money for the BLM movement, but no one seems to want to bring that up in all of their "she's a racist" discourse. Also, the observation that someone is misleading or gaslighting their following is not racist. Just because she said Prim was recently using her BLM reblogs & promotions to do it *this time* still does not make it racist. Questionable wording is just something the reader disagrees with, in my opinion, and should be addressed as such.

I'm not going to lie, I do feel a little frustrated at this point. I was really hoping to come to you and see that you had concrete proof to offer that Briar is a racist. I do understand that you have your own reasons for feeding into the assumptions and twisted outlooks already taken on Briar's words, but I don't have enough energy in me to fully swallow my tongue on this one. I really do hope that you at least consider what I've said here. I'm not sure what I can say at this point because all of the information I've read from you thus far has been purely conjecture or assumptions or just "not feeling right" about the wordings on a single post. A racist, from my perspective, is not something I would ever feel comfortable calling someone off of this lack of evidence.

I understand it is hard to separate preconceived notions from your mind when reading through the words of others, but I really do miss when you were more open to the words of others. If I could ask one thing of you, it'd be to please try to read Briar's post again but from the perspective of seeing it how it was meant to be: a witch who has been on the butt end of Prim's harassment for going on three years now. She is tired of the wild accusations and constantly having to defend herself, and even when she supplied her proof a couple years ago, no one wanted to hear her. She has, largely, given up on being heard, and now screams into what feels like a void when attacked.

Proof of Prim stirring the pot that I offered: An example of Prim actively seeking out the community and trying to stir the pot with an already dealt with situation that had passed over a year ago.

A direct source that I offered as further proof of what has occurred already: This is one from the account mentioned before who was directly involved with the previous discord server where the Trio incident took place a couple years back.

[A Reply.] I think, to be fair, I saw your comments on her previous posts through your main, and with how much aggression you packed into those messages, I don't necessarily blame her for deciding not to engage with your private messages. As I've said, she's very used to people attacking her like that, and in her mind, unfortunately, you've probably been added to the list of aggressive people ready to fling the blame at her rather than look at the situation as a whole. I do apologize for the way her post may have made you feel, but I think it's also important to remember the potentially aggressive things you left on her page (I'm not saying you meant to come off that way, but even I couldn't help but read that way). Also, regarding the ask, it's no small secret that the occultists of the tradcraft group are skilled and well-versed in hexes and curses. When reading her posts about how she may respond to further antagonism on Prim's part, I see a fully realized occultist wielding their most well kept and trained weapon: baneful magic. I'm sure Prim herself also understands that the "threat on her life" she's saying she's so afraid of, isn't a physical threat, but a metaphysical one. She has repeatedly and continually tried to drag these people through the mud, and now that they're refusing to just sit back and be canceled, she's afraid. She knows how strong their magic is, and they aren't shy about it 🤷‍♀️

[A Reply.] No, I completely understand where you're coming from. I, personally, have seen your willingness to talk things through, despite how aggressive you can come off at times in the things you say, so I think that's why I was genuinely so surprised to see your comments on some of her posts. But I do think her response and refusal to further directly engage with you is warranted and her right. Unfortunately, it is hard to tell who is genuinely open to talking and who is just trying to bait and add to the problem. And with how aggressive your comments were, 8 honestly think she most likely was responding from a place of "oh look another young Prim follower here to bait and berate me." I don't think she looks down on you for your age, but her views are likely a reflection of the fact that a lot of 18yos follow Prim and have openly harassed her without even asking for her input on the matter.

At this point, I would like to talk about the second half of the title of this particular post. Grooming. This is a very serious allegation against Prim that I have not spoken on previously because I had no proof that it was happening. With this person's permission, I would like to share how exactly they wound up fighting Prim's battles for her.

I will note: I am highly disgusted by what follows.

[A Reply.] Oh no! You cannot fault yourself for this! Prim is a known manipulator, and the fact that she was able to make you somehow think this is part of your being "gullible and naive" is just testament to the fact that she's gotten wayyy too good at what she does. This is in no way your fault or because of some fault within you. Practiced manipulators are cunning and dangerous even to the best of us. It was unfortunate that she chose you, but her twisting you around is in no way a bad reflection on you as a person!

I've chosen to include my reply to this person rather than our continued discussion because of how personal and involved our conversation turned. I've included it to show, as well, that grooming others to fight your battles is (though this should go without saying) NEVER OKAY. Prim has shown her true colors, in my opinion, and while I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt time and time again, I simply cannot permit myself to ignore the harm and damage she's inflicted on not only the tradcraft community, but also this innocent group of friends. A group who that has hitherto dedicated their time to sussing out predators, terfs, nazis, and racists. A group that should never have had to deal with being gaslit and manipulated by a well-known and respected blogger on this platform.

I cannot reiterate enough how sorry and deeply shocked I am at the information this person has brought to my attention. I am still stunned by Prim's activities and unable to fathom how many other potential individuals are out there being groomed to support and fight for her cause. I am sorry to the Witchblr community as a whole. I feel as if I have sat by and watched as Witchblr has been manipulated and am therefore complacent in the damage and needless hurt that has been allowed to spread throughout our community. I am just so very, very sorry.

I will be taking a couple days off of Tumblr because of this, as I feel as if I need space and time to think, but my inbox is always open and I am always available to speak with others on my return.

#witchblr #witch community #witchblr discourse #discourse #nightshadeandroses #grooming tw #grooming in the witch community #tradcraft #traditional witchcraft #beginner witch #novice witch #baby witch #witch predator #long post #gabrielle #chthoniaa

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singinginthecar · 4 years

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Hey there! I've seen a lot of your posts and reblogs regarding how social media discourse is so American-centric, and it's made me realize that SO MUCH MEDIA is like that. I'm a writer, and way too many easily available articles on "diversity in writing" are catered towards White American writers, so for me, an Indian Muslim, I see those articles and I'm like "???" I never quite know what to do with them, but I feel this slight pressure to follow through, even though those are nowhere near my own lived experience. From personal experience I know that diversity in media is ESSENTIAL, but who are these messages catering to, and who do they actually reach? And finally, who do we as a society expect to actually diversify these different media? Who is the onus on? Sorry for the long discourse, I just really appreciate the things you talk about.

hi! first of all, thank you for reading my posts and i'm glad that you've been able to resonate with them ♡ yes, once you notice how much of the media we consume (voluntarily or involuntarily... but mostly the latter) is extremely americentric, there's honestly no going back. if it's not centered around the US, it's still very much catered to white ppl from the west. i'm not a writer so i pretty much don't have any good advice for you in that field, but i definitely think that all the questions you've raised are very important.

diversity and inclusion is very much a forced thing in almost all mainstream media projects :/ white ppl usually try to incorporate that in order to get their books to sell... to seem more inclusive... but usually, that kind of superficial representation does more harm than good. i really don't think that every white author means to harm... they do genuinely want to include more narratives... but it can seem quite hollow when these stories are being told by someone who has no connection to it. idk if you're familiar with rick riordan and the percy jackson series (you probably are lol), but the pjo fandom recently bullied him off social media because they'd had enough of him repeatedly misrepresenting characters of colour. and his only response to everything was that he does "a lot of research" and he was only trying to be inclusive and that he was sorry "if" he'd offended anybody... yeah, that response didn't go over very well with the fandom. in his enthusiasm to write abt different cultures and from the perspectives of characters of colour, he'd spent long periods of time doing his own research and not following that up by actually talking to the ppl from that same background and culture that he'd been writing abt. that would've probably helped his writing a lot and he wouldn't have pissed off thousands of fans of colour. so yeah :/ that's pretty much what'll happen to even the most well-intentioned white authors in wanting to be diverse.

i think the onus is on poc to write about their own experiences, culture, etc., in order to diversify mainstream media. nobody can do that but us. "diversity and inclusion" is after all, a ploy for white authors to seem more palatable to a wide audience... but it's more hollow than anything. but i definitely also think that if white authors are going to incorporate diversity in their media... they need to have the proper groundwork to back those stories up. or they need to be using their platform to uplift authors of colour. one of the good things that rick riordan has done, despite his own missteps, is he helps edit and promote books written by authors of colour from different backgrounds. these books are fictional and are based on the mythologies of the culture that the individual author belongs to. i haven't read any of the books, but i thought it was pretty neat of him to do that.

and i'll be honest, although i talk a lot abt americentrism... i'm still complicit in not actually supporting indian authors and their content. i'm working on it, but it really is a struggle to distance myself from what we've been told is "cool" and "interesting" and popular i.e. american media, for basically our entire lives. ultimately, the onus is on all of us, as both creators and consumers to support the voices of our own ppl, because the validation we need and the stories we want told will never come from the west.

#this ended up being longer than i expected afsfgsgs #idek if i answered your question... i think i just kinda rambled but yeah this was pretty interesting to talk abt #thanks for asking!#ask #ominous-meme #keshika rambles

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succubused · 6 years

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Hey Claire, I just wanted to say I'm sorry this is happening to you and the other mods. I don't know if I got it all, but for what a understood, the twitter posts were saying how it's bad that minors are stating their age/tumblrs on the open server, when it probably would be safer for them to say it directly to one of the mods privately. While I agree with their point, they really should have talked to you/mods through asks or maybe sent you a message on discord (1/-)

instead of claiming the event to be unsafe right away. That was a coward/disrespectful move on their part (I also saw that they are still on the server? Maybe with a different name? I don't use discord so maybe I got it wrong). The one I found awful was the person that posted it on tumblr. Not only did they state openly to support ak*rok*, but they don't even tag what they reblog from that a/m ship because they know it's wrong. I really hope you and the mods can reach out to (2/3)

whoever is needed to clear this up. I also hope that most of those that reblogged that post are just angry a/m supporters, and not actually people who wanted to participate but are now confused. If the original Twitter poster reads this, I hope they just try to justify themselves or make themselves known (since they said they followed you idk) to show that they actually care about the minors, and aren't looking to cause discourse. I'm just sorry this is happening, hope the participants are ok.

---

The first thing that I need all of you to understand is that no one is being forced to post anything. The ages and tumblrs are in the intro section for people who want to put them there. The intros section itself is there as a screening process so that people can’t do what that person who infiltrated it tried to do, which was get screenshots of our conversations and post them online. We don’t let a user into the actual text channels until we’ve read their intro and determined that they aren’t some kind of mole. If anyone in the server, minor or otherwise, expressed that they were uncomfortable with this, we would change it.

Every single server I’ve been in has had an intros channel with that exact same information; the difference being that the rest of them didn’t have to set the rest of the server to private to ensure that we didn’t get harassed. The fact that we even have to worry about this in the first place is absolutely fucking obscene.

The second thing that I need you all to understand is that the person who posted that “callout” did so out of a petty desire to see me take the fall for it. They are not genuinely concerned for the minors involved, and they did not post those tweets in good faith. If they actually gave a shit, they would have messaged one of us privately rather than posting the younger members’ words online. The younger members who, by the way, have expressed to me that they are deeply uncomfortable with having their messages posted publicly in an attempt to prove some kind of point.

The original twitter poster is an individual who has been sending us anon hate since before we even had a discord server, and who had been sending it to me specifically even before that. They had been repeatedly checking my blog in order to complain about me on the nova blog. The anon hate they sent us never had anything to do with supposed “concern” for minors; it was mostly focused on calling me unprofessional and rude, and calling the project an “embarrassment” and telling us to “grow up.” We stopped posting them, because we didn’t want to give them the attention, so they turned to another method. You may ask, Claire, how do you know it was the same person? I know because they posted a fucking gif of them proudly sending their last anon hate message to the nova blog IN their twitter callout thread. if you would like to see the anon hate they sent, please click here for the post with the screenshots.

Let me reiterate that this individual did not do this out of concern for the safety of minors, particularly not the ones involved in our project, and I honestly doubt that the twitter poster and the person who put it on tumblr are two different people at all. They conveniently neglected to mention that the reason the nova exists at all is because the other project they advertised at the end initially refused to condemn p*dophilia at all, initially was going to allow a/m relationships as long as it was PG-13. I know they changed their stance, and I’m glad they changed their stance. I have largely left them alone since they changed their stance. My participation in this discourse post-them changing their stance has mostly been directly in response

Apparently they’re still in the goddamn server spying on us, which is not only pathetic, but fucking scary. And to that person: I know you check my blog because you talk about it all the time. I know it’s me you have the issue with. Stop dragging them into this. Leave them alone.

Leave the server, DM me if you have something to say to me, but LEAVE. THEM. ALONE.

#Anonymous

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inkxlenses · 6 years

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Regarding post/172299066623/istj-hedonist-samlick23-istj-hedonist-when I don't get why people would compare mbti with astrology and shit. It's as flawed as any other personality theories but it's still a system that works. Astrology doesn't even deserve to be called a personality theory 😩 And just like u said it's never about 'personality' anyway?? That test clusters people yet only considers people's behaviors as if nobody doesn;t have shit like that

Okay. These are among the most exciting asks that I have received so far. I would like for this blog to be as drama-free™ as much as possible because it’s just my virtual escape™. I have also always expressed that I don’t consider this blog as solely an aesthetic™ and inspiration blog. In fact, I was very humbled to be encouraged by my friends and followers to continue including topics that interest me in this blog. But even though this is my blog, I know that I have the responsibility to check what I post here to ensure that nothing would negatively affect someone else’s mental and emotional health (especially as I have observed that most of my followers are minors). So I would just keep my response under the line—and because it’s just really, really, long. HAHA. Also, just for future reference, if you oh-so-hate MBTI [or whatever piece of knowledge I feature here/ if you’re only interested with the aesthetic™ content], you could blacklist my *mbti*, *text* and *photo* tags.

Coincidentally, I would be having a mini-hiatus, and this would be my only response regarding this topic because I’m not really fond of tumblr drama™. I would be temporarily disabling anonymous asks during my break, so if you have anything you would like to discuss with me, kindly contact me via private messaging (but please be patient with my response. I promise I would get back to you as soon as I become online). My only request is that you should first read what I have to say before reacting to anything, because I might have already discussed what you are trying to ask. No worries, I wouldn’t judge nor hate you for your opinions. I actually welcome and enjoy healthy debates (as it is part of my real-life job lmao). And I’m not a fragile snowflake™ so you could really talk to me about anything, I wouldn’t mind :P

Firstly and most importantly, I want to apologize to anyone who had been offended or had felt attacked on my rant. I was not describing a particular person in the *inner dialogue*, and it’s not my intention to offend anyone. So if anyone had felt this way, again, my apologies.

So what is this post about?

I had recently reblogged an MBTI post where I was referring to the function theory—not the common MBTI stereotypes and misconceptions circulating over the internet. And just like what I had mentioned over and over again [and on my tags on that particular MBTI post], online MBTI tests are not accurate and should not be taken seriously. It’s disappointing how 16personalities have been profiting from this by selling misinformation to people. This was OP’s topic, in which I had just agreed with their views and had personally shared my opinions as well. Yet it seems to be that there had been some misunderstanding regarding said topic. Literally OP’s argument—and the same criticisms we continuously read regarding MBTI *points to some of the anons above*—are exactly what we are critiquing as well, because these are common misconceptions and stereotypes which are not related to the theory anyway. So I don’t really understand the intense reaction regarding our opinions on the letter dichotomy and online MBTI tests, because we actually disapprove of the same things as well. Weird -_-

I never mentioned nor even vaguely expressed that MBTI should be the zenith™, the absolute “ Law™ ”, nor do I believe that it should monopolize all the ideas in personality theories. That’s just.. funny. We wouldn’t mind if the function theory is not your thing; you can leave it just like that. Simple. Just like how everyone else has their own beliefs and interests that others simply don’t agree with as well. Nobody would forcefully entice you to MBTI, especially if you had not expressed your interest and curiosity for it. It’s just a matter of respecting others’ POVs and interests.

I could easily brush this off because I truly believe that people are entitled to their opinions, and I respect that. More importantly, I had studied typology for several years now that I’m already quite confident of my knowledge about it. Thus, I won’t easily be shaken by criticisms about the theory—which I’m very much aware of anyway. Sadly, it’s seems to be an automatic impulse in tumblr to hate, rather than communicate. My friends had told me of someone publicly posting something defamatory with regards to the MBTI post that I reblogged. I don’t know what that particular blog had been aiming for, but clearly their hateful intent had failed miserably. I didn’t expect the support of my friends, more so, the consideration of people from the MBTI community. I really want to thank everyone who had supported and understood me even if I wasn’t online during that time. My friends are so protective of me, and the responses of people from the MBTI community had been so funny and adorable I’m SO flattered. Watch as my face turns vermillion xD

With that said, I felt like I should at least explain my part and answer the anons who aren’t in favour of MBTI. I just want to stress that I don’t plan to forcefully persuade you to believe MBTI. My only intent is so that you could look into my perspective as I share my knowledge and understanding after many years of studying the theory, in contrast to the misconceptions and stereotypes about it, which I believe is what these anons were referring to. I emphasize that if MBTI is not your *thing*, then you could simply ignore it. This topic is very important to me because it had helped with my well-being, introspection, relationship with others, career, and general outlook in life. So I just want to clarify some points with regards to the asks above^ because I believe some misunderstandings had occurred. So thank you very much @hueristix, @clumsynix, @ckatharcis, @tzeentchs-secretary and anons for your messages. I am really so thrilled to discuss my views with you.

The cognitive function theory—more commonly known and referred to as MBTI [especially here]—explores the human cognition, NOT outward behaviours and personal preferences. Contrary to what the first anon had said, I believe that we cannot compare the theory with astrology because the former never categorizes how humans act the way they act, more so, it never simply propose their “ personality traits ”. The theory recognizes that every person has their own free will, inherent capabilities, traits, emotions, and preferences (etc. I could go on and on, I swear), and would be constantly affected by personal struggles, life circumstances and other external factors through out their life.. and well, basically just like what Jeanne (ckatharcis) had referred to, it acknowledges that humans cannot be “ clustered ” simply through their behaviours, personal preferences, traits, etc. because again, the theory is NOT about that. Thought process is the essential and primordial reason why outward behaviours, personal preferences, emotions, etc. are easily observable in a person, and NOT the other way around. Thus, it’s also the reason why your type cannot change contrary to common misconceptions, and essentially the reason why tests are not reliable. [Link 1, Link 2—I highly recommend this post.]

I think the first anon is not familiar with the function theory, but, instead, with the letter dichotomies (i.e. I vs. E, etc.) which is the general principle on the said 16personalities site [and other online MBTI tests]. This was exactly what OP had criticized and what I had discussed on my *inner dialogue*. Again, I do not blame the first anon or anybody else who are familiar with this concept because misconceptions and stereotypes are easier to be accessed, contrary to the theory itself which would definitely require time and in-depth research to get acquainted with. I understand that not everyone would be interested to invest time and effort on something that they would just like to casually learn. And it’s okay.

However, I would like to clarify that I [and I truly believe that OP as well] have no intention to humiliate, condemn, mock or ostracize people who had only been familiar with MBTI stereotypes (the letter dichotomy) and/or had only taken online MBTI tests, because we understand that [again], sadly, those misconceptions are disappointingly perpetuating in the internet and even on some books. OP had clearly stated that their only issue was how people who aren’t really familiar with the function theory should refrain from initiating any MBTI-related discussion. Even if I personally agree with OP, their premise was repeatedly contradicted by others who were justifying the validity of 16personalities. However, I believe that asking questions and expressing genuine interest to learn more is different from spreading misinformation to others. As long as you do your own research first, the MBTI community here is actually very welcoming of people who would like to learn more of the theory. The MBTI community here also encourages critical thinking, exchanges of different ideas, and endless rational debates—which is exciting, right?

I think OP had been very honest with their opinion (though may had been perceived as *offensive* and rude by some) and I truly concur with their points. I’ve said in my *inner dialogue* how I believe that spreading wrong information is destructive. It is damaging to other people who have only been starting to learn the theory, to take advice and information, or be mentored by people who had been misinformed as well. Why? Because above all else, the theory is used for self-evaluation and understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses (with regards to their cognitive process), to provide clear direction on how to advance towards their personal growth and development. For that reason, if one is mistyped, and they generally believe that their thought process works this *particular* way and that they have *certain* strengths and/or weaknesses, then they are not only failing to seize the opportunity to recognize their *actual* strengths and weaknesses through fully understanding how their cognition works, but they could also potentially damage their mental health and well-being because that is not how their thought process operates. It worsens when spreading misinformation like that is increasing exponentially.

We would never dismiss nor humiliate anyone who have only been starting to familiarize themselves with the theory, because we had been beginners as well. Mate, my blog is not an MBTI blog, but I have two mutuals who had been so humble to admit that they had fell for that abomination-of-a-test, and had asked me about the basics and other resources to study the theory. I never ridiculed them; contrary, I was so proud of their humility to admit that they had been misinformed, and of their willingness to learn. There is no shame in that. I really admire people who admit their mistakes or ignorance because I know that people who think this way are really the ones who have the desire to learn and improve, and have insatiable thirst to absorb more knowledge.

I’ve been studying the function theory for about 3 or 4 years now, but I still consider myself to be a newbie at this. Even if I’m already quite confident of my knowledge about it, I know that I still have a lot more to learn [and that’s exciting]. But OP and other legit MBTI blogs here have been studying this theory for many years now, and they are considered as reliable resource persons for other MBTI enthusiasts as well [at least in tumblr]. Which is why I think [just my opinion], they could easily retaliate on insults or misinformation thrown at them by people who don’t even make an effort to read just the basics and/or have poor acumen to just believe everything they read on the internet, yet have all the liberty in the world to whine and be [passive-aggressively] defensive to rationalize their misconceptions of the theory. These legit MBTI blogs know what they’re talking about, and I think you could be the judge as to how they could react to insults thrown at them by people who don’t even understand the topic itself. I’ll just quote hueristix here, “ laziness should not be an excuse to ignorance ”. As I’ve said before: be receptive to different ideas, yet skeptical enough to question everything before accepting any piece of information as real™. And yes, that includes everything I say. After all, I’m just responding to opinions as well and we’re all just stating our subjective views here. We wouldn’t mind if the function theory is not your thing; you can leave it just like that. Simple. Nobody would forcefully entice you to MBTI, especially if you had not expressed your interest and curiosity for it. It’s just a matter of respecting others’ POVs and interests.

Yes, I am passionate about this theory and I know it is fine. But never had I mentioned nor even vaguely expressed that MBTI should be the zenith™, the absolute “ Law™ ”, nor do I believe that it should monopolize all the ideas in personality theories. I don’t know if what the first anon actually meant was: since I’m so passionate of this theory, then MBTI must be My Favourite™ personality theory, thus, I propose that it should be held true above all else.. but uhm I just want to clarify that MBTI is not My Favourite™ (I even prefer Enneagram over it, sorry haha). I am aware that it’s not the most recognized personality theory in the field of Psychology. And I had said it before, and I’ll say it again: just like any other typological theories, I know that MBTI has its merits and flaws. Though there is qualitative neuroscientific research intended to point evidence to the existence of cognitive functions in the human mind, MBTI is still not 100% considered to be scientific by some [because according to them there is no physical manifestation of cognitive functions. Uhm. I’d just leave it like that.. For now]. No personality theory is infallible. And again, as I had said in verbatim on my *inner dialogue*: “ The human mind is so complex. And to propose that a person’s *personality* could easily be identified through a 10-minute test is just absurdly.. laughable to me [not to mention that that test is focused more on NATURAL HUMAN behaviours and not cognition—which is what the theory is about anyway xxxx xxxx xxxx] like wtf so amazeballs that they could identify my *personality* with such an overly-random question that any other person could have strong preference over the other. ”. So I don’t really understand what the first anon’s critic was, because what they had pointed out was exactly what OP, I, and basically all the people who had studied this theory are continually expressing. Based on my tags alone, we’re actually on the same team™ here.

How? (1) I had said earlier that the theory does not limit human free will. It understands that people have innate imprints in them that manifest on how they act, talk, feel, etc. In the same way, it also understands how people and their preferences are constantly developing and changing [and yes as the first anon said, “ evolving ”], because humans will continue to encounter and be exposed to several personal afflictions, relationship struggles, disappointments, successes, gratifications, religious beliefs, cultural conformity, and other life-altering situations and external factors throughout their lifetime that will heavily affect their behavioural makeup and adaptability to their external environment. Everyone—whatever their type may be—can behave any way they like depending on the situations and circumstances that they are dealing with, because there are many factors that affect and influence how people behave, not only a person’s type. BUT their cognitive functions have been there all along, constantly operating, even if their *functional stack* could fluctuate on their healthy and/or unhealthy states depending on how they had adjusted and adapted to these circumstances [uhm more advanced topic of the theory—see the beauty of this theory? It’s never obsolete. Contrary to misconceptions, the theory recognizes the erratic human nature. It pains me how people could outright dismiss and insult the theory without studying it first, because they fail to realize its usefulness in a person’s life, more than what that shite site says *ho hum*]. (2) I agree with most of the principles of the function theory because it doesn’t “ categorize everyone into 16 cutout personality types ”, nor does it have a manual that says “ ‘here are a few common personality traits, be free’ aspect ”. MBTI stereotypes and ideas from the 16personalities assert that; the function theory does not. (3) [uhm this is getting so repetitive now] The theory is not about what our external behaviours are, nor does it dictate what our *personalities* are. Rather, on the simplest terms, it analyzes how we think. It analyzes how we make decisions, through our cognitive process, when we encounter a particular situation.

Hopefully, my explanation would be enough to clear up some misunderstandings from the aforesaid post. However, I believe that this explanation alone would not suffice for anyone who are still confused with the theory and/or for those who are interested to learn more. Hence, the next section is really just for reference and further clarification, just in case there are still some questions that others are still confused about. That said, I know that I would not be able to articulate these ideas the way this particular blog do [and I don’t want to sound like a bot if I would just be reciting their ideas exactly as they had expressed it], so I’d just be quoting one of the most reliable MBTI blogs here and a personal favourite of mine (mbti-notes), to give insight on some issues that had been critiqued on that post. These are really interesting and thought-provoking ideas so I hope you could take time to read them. Also, I highly-recommend their blog!

[With regards to common MBTI stereotypes and misconceptions]:

Anonymous: Stereotypes give people wrong assumptions about what types are. They don’t define what your personality or your actions are going to be like. They don’t even define what thoughts you have. It’s simply the pattern and the functions you use to come to conclusions. I’m an ENTP (22) and my best friend is an ENFP (23). Yet people would probably switch our two types because I tend to be very gentle and kind around others while she appears more tough and openly says what she thinks.

I appreciate your point. Part of the reason for the stereotyping problem is that the information online and even in books is dominated by two main schools of thought that focus very heavily on behavior at the expense of cognition (Myers-Briggs and Keirsey Temperaments), so a lot of people do not realize that there are other (better) interpretations available. My first exposure to typology was through Keirsey and, although I thought it was interesting at the time, I wasn’t able to see the full potential of the system because everything was masked behind simplistic labels (stereotypes) that didn’t seem to connect with real life to the degree that I thought was necessary to be a truly viable theory of personality. I think a lot of people get interested in MBTI because of its practical applicability in situations like personal relationships or group/work environments and MBTI is good for learning some general rules of thumb that can help you improve the ways in which you deal with different kinds of people. However, general rules of thumb very easily morph into stereotyping and pigeonholing when people do not understand the finer details of the theory and then apply the ideas and principles too carelessly. The human mind is prone to lazy overgeneralizing or drawing invalid conclusions as it is and the lack of depth in the information available unfortunately encourages that laziness. (Source)

[With regards to MBTI’s *accuracy*]:

Anonymous: Do you think that other personality identification types such as Alignment and Global 5/SLOAN are more, less, or just as accurate as MBTI can be?

“Accuracy” is not really the right question. Every theory of personality that is developed by academics is put together very deliberately to serve a particular purpose, and it must be used as intended in order to preserve validity. Unfortunately, when the ideas trickle down into mainstream consciousness, the original purpose of the theory often gets lost in translation, with the general public using it more like a horoscope or fortune cookie and then complaining about the inaccuracies. Every kind of theory has its advantages and disadvantages. For instance, the Five Factor model is a trait theory, which has the advantage of being easily quantifiable and very reliable for statistical analysis. However, there is no actual theoretical underpinning for it because the traits are derived from factor or data analysis, which offers no explanation as to why traits exist, how they arise, why there are only five, and so on. Trait theories are limited in what they are able to explain about human behavior but they remain very useful for doing replicable research studies. There is of course some overlap of concepts between trait theories and type category theories like MBTI.

Cognitive function theory is a qualitative and holistic model of personality that sprawls into other related areas of psychology. Qualitative research excels at theoretical analysis and depth of detailed explanations and is less conducive to statistical analysis/prediction. Jung developed psychological types as a part of the psychoanalytic tradition, however, that tradition fell out of favor in the US to make way for more popular quantitative research methods, though it continued to expand in certain European circles. Myers & Briggs and David Keirsey brought it back to life in a more digestible form but it was never meant to be distilled to such an extreme degree; MBTI essentially turned into a corporate money making tool and Keirsey rejected the notion of cognitive functions in favor of behavioral descriptors. Many of the criticisms that are leveled at MBTI are legitimate but not actually applicable to cognitive function theory because of not seeing the full extent of it and how it is embedded firmly within the long history of psychoanalytic theory, a school of thought which has done more than any other to reveal the qualities of the unconscious mind. Now that there is emerging neuroscientific research that confirms some of these old ideas about the unconscious, there is some resurgence in their popularity within research circles. (Source)

[With regards to MBTI’s basics, development and “scientific” basis]:

Anonymous: The J/P dichotomy is particularly interesting because, say, you have already three letters I N F, the last letter decides not only your dominant and auxiliary functions, it flips the stack; INFP (Fi-Ne-Si-Te) vs. INFJ (Ni-Fe-Ti-Se), and then we read that according to descriptions those types are very different. But then we also have a lot of people who can’t really decide if they’re INFJ or INFP. It’s all very strange to me.

It’s strange to you because (judging by the earlier question) you haven’t understood what the J/P distinction really means and you haven’t properly distinguished cognition and behavior. Two different cognitive functions can manifest similar looking behaviors on the surface (as I have explained numerous times in the guides, please read them carefully). E.g. Any introvert can be reflective but the reasons WHY a particular individual is reflective, the motive and explanation behind it, differs according to the cognitive functions involved (Fi vs Ni). If you don’t know the details of their inner cognitive processes, you cannot see the differences because, just looking from the outside, all you see is that they are both reflective in demeanor. xxxx xxxx xxxx MBTI type descriptions are purposely simplistic because newbies don’t know the theory and therefore must identify themselves through simple behavioral descriptors. MB designed their system in part to sidestep the complicated process of learning function theory so that more people could access it, a noble intention, therefore simple type descriptions do not include all the info you need to type accurately because they do not address variations within type and cognitive function specifics. In other words, problems with typing stem from lack of knowledge of the theory, usually because of not going any deeper than the simplified descriptions/tests. The test was meant to be administered and interpreted by an expert, which means that people run into all kinds of problems when they try to self-type with limited to no knowledge of type theory.

[continuation of the ask] Is there any real scientific proof that Jungian cognitive functions exist? Dario Nardi’s attempts are certainly interesting, but it’s a common knowledge that EEG method is far from being reliable. Also, on one of his AMA discussions on reddit he presented instances when he was testing midlife INFJ adults who he couldn’t differentiate from of ISTPs, which he attributed to the use the second most common pattern (Ti-Se for INFJs). So, which model is true, or is this a combination of dichotomies and functional stack model? Can you shed some light on those issues and inconsistencies? Additionally, I’d really like your opinion on Reynierse’s articles (“Preference Multidimensionality and the Fallacy of Type Dynamics”, etc.). Thank you. The question of “science” has already been beaten to death over and over again so I’ve grown impatient with this can of worms. I don’t have much to say about Nardi, he’s pursuing his ideas and more power to him, but his work is not particularly interesting to me because it is getting away from other aspects of type theory that I am more interested in. xxxx xxxx xxxxx Some people latch onto him because they desperately want some kind of “scientific proof” of the functions. Some people dabble in typology and keep demanding “scientific proof” but don’t understand the differences between quantitative and qualitative research. There are different kinds of theories, with different kinds of objectives, with different standards of measurement, with different methods of application - the scientific method is only one valid research framework and it should not be the measure of all things. Traditionally, science often includes the concept of falsifiability but you can’t falsify that which is not within the realm of empirical fact, e.g., you can’t falsify human valuations or subjective meaning/experience, so are these things not “real”? Do you understand the difference between facts and values? Do you believe that only scientific measurements can imbue ideas with value? Do you believe that materialistic explanations of human psychology are the be-all and end-all? Not everything about human experience can be reduced to neurons and electrons. If you think it can, then feel free to dismiss type theory as crap because it’s not going to fit well with your assumptive worldview. Also, abstract and concrete knowledge are different and should be treated differently. No idea is “real” because “real” implies concrete, and ideas are abstract. One can easily claim that any idea is not “real” depending on how you want to set your standards of measurement. xxxx xxxx xxxx Similarly, people claim that “types” or “functions” are not real even when they themselves: behave as type theory describes, suffer the problems that type theory describes, feel attracted to the relationships that type theory describes, follow the developmental path that type theory describes.  

Before you ask for “scientific proof”, you should first define exactly what standards of proof would satisfy you and make you believe that cognitive functions are “real”. It is quite often the case that people who like to harp about scientific “proof” don’t even understand what they’re asking for or to what end, they demand proof but no matter what proof is offered, they keep moving the goalposts because they are actually more interested in criticizing than understanding (see climate change deniers as the perfect example). Just so you know, many mbti bloggers are tired of dealing with such people, we’ve already gone through all these arguments a million times. I’m not saying you’re one of these people but beware that you’re stepping into a complex discussion and don’t seem sufficiently prepared. Instead of making people explain or educate you, state your exact criteria of scientific proof and I’ll happily tell you if type theory passes. Type theory is a big theory and some people find it hard to understand even the basic type concepts which barely scratch the surface because the theory goes far beyond simple typing. It is an incomplete and fragmented theory, with many people working on it for different reasons in different directions. Many people have found elements of type theory very useful and accurate in their lived experiences, even using it to permanently solve long running psychological issues, even using it to deftly cure relationship problems. There is piecemeal neuroscience evidence which does not directly relate to type theory but nonetheless corroborates it. I wouldn’t know if any of this is enough “proof” because you haven’t specified exactly what proof you’re demanding. If the book falling on your head doesn’t prove gravity is “real”, then I suppose all the people whose thought processes match the principles of type dynamics don’t count as real proof either. The results say a lot. I run a popular typology blog and have dealt with thousands of people, so I at least don’t suffer from sample-size-1. Type dynamics describes very specific problems and offers workable solutions, and I’ve witnessed many different kinds of people from different backgrounds, cultures, walks of life apply these ideas with great success. Is this “empirical evidence”? I’ve had the most hardened scientifically-minded strangers think I’m a magical wizard when I can knit together their life story and reveal their innermost insecurities based only on four letters, yet all I’m doing is applying and extrapolating from the theoretical ideas as I understand them, nothing more.  

All I will say about arguments against type dynamics is that they usually can’t see the forest because they’re stuck in the trees: they get wrapped up in granular details and superficial inconsistencies; they don’t see the historical big picture of how every model evolves from and contains the same set of ideas; they don’t see how some disagreements between models are merely semantic and actually address the same underlying concept; they don’t fully grasp the principles of type dynamics and then produce strawman criticisms (some of the points in those articles actually support, add to, or help clarify type dynamics rather than debunk it); they perceive the explanatory flexibility of type dynamics as a flaw, not a strength; they probably prefer trait theories because they are easily quantifiable (and then completely miss the point of type dynamics); they don’t see how the ideas could potentially fit with mathematical dynamics and energy flow. Any theory worth its salt should remain open to criticism, development, and further clarification but, in order to critique a theory successfully, you must first understand it, and I don’t think the author of those articles has understood type dynamics well enough. (Source)

Again, I apologize to anyone who had been offended of what I said in my tags. And thank you very much for taking the time to read this post! :)

P.S. I have no intention to answer that anon who made a sexist comment about M & B. I have already discussed what my points are regarding MBTI Tests™, so I wouldn’t really judge them or anyone else for having fun with taking multiple personality tests. But since I think this anon have zero knowledge of the theory anyway, I have to clarify that it wasn’t created by M & B [who, by the way, even if they had not been psychologists by profession, had made extensive research of the theory—probably more than you would ever do, anon. Then again, I don’t really adhere to M & B’s approach], but was devised by one of the best minds psychology has ever known. FYI that person was a man—if anon would feel more validated™ to know that their own sex is the perfect authority for objective™ measurement of intelligence or competence *cough* it actually isn’t *cough*. Also, I really am so tired already to rebut something that is completely illogical, it’s even barely understandable. *ho hum* I’m very open to discuss opinions that differ from mine, but if you are trying to establish your argument through a sexist comment, then don’t expect that I would answer you with respect.

#asks #anonymous #answered #tagging this as:#negativity #just to be safe #ckatharcis #clumsynix #hueristix #tzeentchs-secretary #please ignore any typos and grammatical errors #i'm too tired to proofread this haha

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franeridart · 7 years

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hi. hello. this is a bit embarrassing but i'm trying to buy my bf a tablet sort of thing so he can draw his arts. he's been wanting one forever but hasn't rly shown me which one he wants. i want to surprise him n buy a good one worth the money n was just curious if you had any suggestions. i've looked into wacom products, but i'm just such a noob to these things n was hoping you can help... i understand if this is silly, you don't have to reply! ur just so amazing, ur opinion is trustworthy 😅☺️

Okay, so, this is just my opinion and since it’s based completely on personal experiences it’s gonna possibly be incredibly different from other people’s opinions, so I just wanna make clear from the start that this is a personal preference and isn’t in any way meant as an absolute truth

Anyway, as far as I’m concerned when you’re just starting out you don’t need anything fancy at all. As an aspiring digital artist your bf might have looked up tablets and cried tears of blood over how much he’d like a cintiq or anything similar, but my very personal opinion is that fancy stuff is gonna be pretty much useless to you and be generally a waste of money? You’re just learning, you don’t need anything more than the basics. My suggestion is that you pick something simple and easy to use - I own this wacom intuos, had it for a long while and I like it a lot, but there’s also less expensive options you can go for too that people seem to like just as much! I’ve lately read on my dash about the Huion H610, they say it doesn’t cost much at all but it’s just as good as the Intuos, that could be a good option for you~

Anon said: Hey!!! I was wondering if its ok to rb your oc art? I realized a lot less people rb those and i get anxious easily so... also i really don't want to disrespect either! But i always thought of rebloging as a way of saying "i appreciate your art" and i really really (really ) like yours (both the style and itself in general). (I hope you dont mind my bad english ha ha) i hope you don't mind this stupid ask! Im still kind of new to tumblr

It’s 100% okay!!!! *O* Thank you for liking them enough to want to reblog them ;A; !!!!

Anon said:i miss ur bokuroteru so much 😭💕 i love ur art but whenever i see ur header, i just remember ur bokuroteru comic and my heart cries storms for them to be seen again.

Aw anon I’m super happy you like my stuff for those three but as of now inspiration in that department is... super low... and tbh the haikyuu fandom is being incredibly unresponsive and non-vocal about their appreciation of fanworks in this period so even when I do have ideas for that fandom I sort of. Let them go. Or just sketch them out and never finish them.

Like, you know the whole deal about having to draw for yourself and not for others? That’s what I do 100% of the times when I’m starting a drawing, but to draw for myself I don’t exactly need to finish a drawing, you know? Sometimes there’s a scene I wanna see and I sketch it out in a super rough way and as far as my personal desire to see it goes I’m satisfied with that, and everything after that - the cleaning and lining and maybe even coloring - I put the effort in it because I want to share it with people. And the deal with the Hq!! fandom lately is that they don’t share my excitement for it. They either only like it, or don’t comment on it, or comment only to complain about this or that thing. In the worst case posting hq!! only ends up with people asking me to draw something else (ie I feel like drawing Karasuno so I draw it and post it and no one comments/rb/says anything about it but there’s 20 asks in my inbox asking me why I haven’t drawn any bok*ro lately)

When I think about posting stuff for hq lately I automatically compare it to posting stuff for bnha where I could draw a background character that appeared once 120 chapters ago and there’s still gonna be people that go “yes! that character!! I love that character!!! can’t believe there’s actual art for it oh my god!!!!” - that’s... that’s the sort of reaction that makes you wanna share stuff

I dunno, maybe I’m just expecting too much out of the hq fandom. But anyway, sharing for bnha makes me way happier and glad I decided to finish a drawing lately, so I guess that’s what’s happening there.

Anon said:Every time your soft doods art shows up on my dash I have to pause and take a deep breath and just thank god for all the good in the world because I'm blown away every single time

This is s o s w e e t oh my god ;A; thank you so much!!!!

Anon said:Johnny is a fucking angel dammit. Have you read the new DGM already?? I'm in tears. I love this manga so much. The frequency of the releases are killing me... it has such a great story and great characters. It needs more love

I did read it!!!! And yeah the fandom used to be way bigger, but honestly I’m glad it’s just the couple dozens people it is. Like a small town where everyone knows everyone else. No drama, no discourse. Everyone ships what they want and we all pass each other tissues to dry the tears. The only argument that happens regularly is people complaining about the relase schedule and the old fans telling them to let Hoshino live. A good place, this fandom’s a good place.

DGM was my playground for most of my experimenting as far as creating art goes, I really did reach in all directions with it through the years and it helped me shape myself a lot, so I really want it to stay quiet and nice and peaceful, that’s my dream for it haha smaller fandoms have a better chance to keep that freedom

Anon said: Oh man, I live for that Togata x Amajiki interaction

You talking about the color spread cause yes that was adorable!!! ;A;

Anon said:I look a little, and do you still draw Bakugo x Kirishima x Kaminari?

Sure, it’s still my main ship for Kaminari and my main ot3! Just wait for Denki to start being relevant in the manga again, I’ll probably fall headfirst into it all over again haha

Anon said:Your art is so wonderful you're wonderful everything's so wonderful i'm crying omg

SOB no anon you’re wonderful!!!!

Anon said:Due to my brain not wanting to cooperate with me (ever), Bakugou Katsuki is now Batsuki Katsuki in my head.

This is the funniest thing I’ve read today and I’m in t e a r s hahaha

Anon said:Artistic!Mina making pop art and colorful paintings :o what are ur thoughts

HELL YES that’s my main headcanon for Mina, she’s definitely an artsy girl!!! I like the idea of her sharing it with Bakugou t b h

Anon said:I'm still just repeatedly looking at your newest KiriBaku because hot damn.

I’m super glad you liked it!!!!!!! oh my gOD!!!!!!!

Anon said:Heyy please rec Kami comics please! I'm in a Kami art shortage and I currently can't find art as awesome as yours...

I’m so sorry I wish I could help you with this but I don’t know anyone who draws lotsa Kaminari either ;---;

#fran answers #about the tablet #personally i started with a tablet that wasn't a wacom #it was okay to learn the basics but it lasted maybe six months top #and then i had to change it #which is why now im sorta wary about giving my money to other brands #considering that after that i only bought two tablets #both wacoms #and technically i didn't even have to change the first one my family just bought me a new one out of the blue #so yeah people can say whatever they want about wacom but they ARE quality and durable #that said that experience with other brands happened over ten years ago #and the brand wasn't great anyway #so like it's totally possible that new brands are WAY better #check for the reviews! most people are saying they love them #so i guess if your budget is limited you CAN go for another brand #the one i linked is pretty damn huge too im #really tempted to buy it myself t b h #anonymous

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lyraeon · 7 years

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Hi! Sorry for intruding, and you definitely don't have to answer if this too personnal or invasive, but I've been wondering if my depression might be a bipolar one for a while now, only I don't always see myself in the way people talk about mania/hypomania, only sometimes I do? And the way you described mania being /straightforwardly frustrating/ sort of spoke to me, so I was wondering if you could explain what you meant by that? (or direct me to posts where you have?) Huge thanks!

Hello friend!

I’m sure I have other posts about it somewhere, but short of digging through my whole relevant tag, I wouldn’t know where to look for them. But I don’t mind explaining overall.

First of all, if your depression seems to come and go, but not necessarily be replaced by hypomania or mania, it may be something else. Seasonal Affective Disorder is the most common alternative, but Cyclothymia is also a thing, and should especially be looked up if your depression also never hits a bottomless pit level. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “well, it’s not THAT bad, so I guess I’m ONLY cyclothymic and I shouldn’t worry about it” or whatever though!! That’s just the depression talking and trying to keep you down. Ignore it.

I don’t know if I get manic or hypomanic, doctors have consistently disagreed about it. But, I know I have two main modes of mania, though they can bleed into each other.

There winds up being talk about hallucinations, self-harm, and graphic nightmares in this, so if that’s gonna bug anyone reading this, J on past it

Hyperactive mania:

What is sleep? This is not me procrastinating sleep or being distracted by other things, this is me flat out not needing more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night and having trouble getting to sleep to begin with, not in an insomnia “I’m so tired but can’t settle down” way but in a “I don’t feel tired unless I drink or take sleeping pills or otherwise really wear myself out” way.

Zero focus - I have little to no attention span most of the time to begin with (I suspect I have ADHD but most doctors will be reluctant to diagnose that in addition to bipolar, since mania has a lot of overlap). This typically gets worse during mania; I will repeatedly get up out of my chair to walk laps around my house, often gesturing wildly and definitely talking out loud to myself if no one’s home. I’ll sometimes try to play music to get the energy out to that, but rarely get through a single verse before skipping to the next.

Hyperfocus - and when I do manage to focus on something, (which has to either be something I’m REALLY ENJOYING or something social) I will get dragged into it for 14 hours and only snap out of it if I need a bathroom break or something. The Sims is a common one, not just for me but for a lot of people from what I hear. I always know something was a hyperfocus and not a thing I really wanted to do in general because after 3 days - 2 weeks of the thing I won’t touch it again for months or years. My last manic fit involved playing a sim city phone game for 6-7 hours a day and binge watching multiple people’s entire hermitcraft 4 season. The one before that had me playing rollercoaster tycoon constantly.

sex drive - suddenly characters and celebrities I had not previously regarded as hot are hot. Suddenly I have 15 AO3 tabs open. I feel like people who know me well can notice my mania just by how often and what gets reblogged to my NSFW blog.

poor decision making - I’m far more likely to buy ice cream or alcohol or other things I don’t need to be spending my money on. I’m far more likely to give in to the whole not sleeping thing, or to take sleeping meds despite cutting it way too close to when I have to be up the next day. I lose my verbal filter. I still don’t know if the fact I don’t do anything life-ruiningly stupid is evidence I’m only hypomanic, not manic, or just my anxiety keeping me in check.

Intense emotions - I cried at a University of Phoenix ad yesterday y’all. I also in general am not one to cheer or yell at something happening on TV/in a video, but get more invested when manic and react on a level closer to when I’m actively playing a game or something.

But there’s also the frustrating side (not that the above isn’t often frustrating, just that the above are more associated with positive emotions or at least not a pervasive Stressed Out feeling)

Easily frustrated - I am not one to get mad, normally. I actually get criticized for just letting things slide that obviously upset me/”you keep saying it’s okay right after saying it’s not okay”. I don’t know how to handle getting mad due to gaslighting issues growing up that I won’t get into right now so when I do start getting mad, it tends to build up until I find myself tense and literally stomping mad and sitting in the car screaming in frustration (because if I scream in the house someone might hear me). I also snap at people far, far more often when manic, losing any patience I would typically have and sometimes going for passive aggressive gouges if what they’re annoying me with has built up over a couple days as opposed to instantly. For example, yelling at people who are in my raid group.

nightmares - dear god the nightmares. I will do things in them that I find barely or completely unquestionable in them, then wake up freaked the fuck out because I just - well, we’ll go with today’s example, which is that I fuckin shot my dog in my dream, and for no apparent reason! Death is a pervasive thing in these, including me getting jolted awake by my own death in them, but unstoppable torrents of water are also common as is things just not making any sense - an object I’m holding turning into something else the moment I try to give it to someone else is also something that happens a lot

tense - dear god do my shoulders and back hurt, and not my normal everyday chronic arthritis pain, because that’s in the joints. This is every muscle pulled as tight as it will go and locked, and often carries a sensation of “the only way to fix this is to literally claw them off the bones”. Upper back is the most common but my forearms come next (especially near my elbows) and every major muscle can feel that way if I’m far enough gone. This used to lead to self-harm in the form of me scraping at those areas trying to make the sensation stop (and has lead to weird masochism stuff), but it’s something I consciously avoid now. I’ll usually try to rub at them or stretch to relieve the tightness, but often sleeping it off is my only real recourse.

really, really, REALLY unable to focus - I can’t get through two minutes of a video without pausing it. I skip every song 4 seconds in and instead of just feeling like they don’t fit quite right, each song feels like it’s personally offending me by not being the right one and I eventually give up and take off my headphones in a huff. I’ll forget I was loading the dishwasher halfway through. I’ll keep doing one more little task and one more little task for hours to procrastinate simple things like eating or walking the dog. I always in general have trouble finishing my sentences sometimes, because I’ll lose words or I’ll wind up reading/hearing something mid-sentence, but it becomes every third sentence.

Itchy - everything feels wrong. My hair has to be pinned up as thoroughly as possible so it can’t touch my skin, my glasses have to be perfectly clean because the smudges will piss me off, my clothes have to be just right so they don’t touch my skin in ways that will make me jump/itch like if my hair touches me, any rough edge of my nails or cuticles has to immediately be chewed off, if there’s a weird hair or a zit or a scab anywhere on me I will be picking at it instantly, whatever I’m sitting or laying on is too lumpy, etc. My scalp itches regardless of when I last washed my hair, but washing my hair sounds dreadful because the sensation of wet hair weighing me down is even worse (vs it normally being a soothing sensation to me). My ears itch!! it’s maddening and distracting.

noise and light sensetivity - everything is too bright and too loud! I’ll have as many lights off as possible (sitting in the dark, showering in the dark, screens all as dim as they will go; I’ll often close my eyes or blindfold myself if I really need to concentrate on something I’m typing or listening to). I try to get white noise because background sounds like the dog walking around will drive me batty, but white noise will give the same “wrong one” sensation as music, and if I notice ANY repetition in the white noise (obvious bird loops for example) unless I have deliberately chosen a repetitive melody because it feels right, I will snap and have to turn it off and probably just cover my ears for a while.

The sensation that shit would suck less if I was drunk right now, because that would either “at least give me something to do” or “make all of this funny instead of annoying” (but alcohol only intensifies what I’m feeling, so if I’m “good” manic it makes me super happy and if I’m frustrated manic I just get angrier)

just an overall sense that everything is wrong and there’s nothing I can do about it and unlike when I’m depressed, wherein I feel like it’s all my fault and I probably deserve to die because of it, it all just pisses me off more and makes me need to get up and wander around. in the less extreme of these moments, I end up trying to figure out lists of what needs to be done, but getting frustrated trying to think that hard. In the worse ones, things will be blown out of scale and I’ll be plagued not just by the problems in my own life but by how fucking frustrating it is not to be able to fix, oh, our broken government, or how frustrating it is that I don’t have the money to just buy us a house right this second, etc.

hallucinations - this is top floor mania for me. The only thing above it is the roof that I will sometimes lay on at 2 in the morning, limbs spread as wide as possible for minimal skin contact, laughing uncontrollably on the inside while feeling paralyzed. My hallucinations are “mild” ones - I’ve only had one or two visual flashes in my life, everything else has been sounds, and it’s rarely been even words, let alone more. it’s usually alarms and sometimes music. I’ll hear my boyfriend’s alarm going off, or the fire alarm going off, or my own alarm going off, or my family’s burglar alarm going off, etc. This is one that meds have been royally good at keeping under control and I’ve only had breakthroughs of it when I’m also sleep deprived.

-basically, mania is fUCKING FRUSTRATING AS ALL GET OUT because you have all this energy but nothing FEELS RIGHT so nothing gets DONE, 99.94% of the time.

The additional problem for me with breakthrough mania - that is, symptoms that happen despite my medication keeping me mostly “normal” - is that it rarely brings any of the positive aspects that make being manic at least fun in the moment, if not sometimes genuinely worth it. I can get a LOT done when manic if I can take advantage of it before the bad symptoms set in, and I suspect a lot of my current writer’s block issues are because I’m not getting the same kind of hyperfocus days that I used to. But boy do I still itch sometimes, boy are my shoulders craving for me to go rub on a tree like a bear, boy is my stomach cranky because I’m so hungry but eating food sounds like a horrifying chore because what if it doesn’t taste right, etc.

I don’t really know how to explain exactly what I mean by the emotions feeling stunted, but it’s sort of like trying your hardest to find the can opener because you know it’s got to be somewhere, but it’s not anywhere you’re looking, except the can opener is your ability to be excited about this thing you wanted to do, or is your ability to be mad about something you know for a fact you’re pissed about, but you get stuck sitting there just dully frustrated instead because you can only read the label of the can, not actually experience the contents? Or maybe like opening it and finding store brand, “no sugar added” peaches instead of the really good del monte overly sweet stuff; your emotions themselves just feel lackluster compared to what you know they can be.

If a lot of this sounds familiar - if you’re like, yeah I get really annoyed easily and get sensory issues etc but I thought I didn’t get mania because I’ve never been pulled over in vegas going 110 in a 45 and all the media presents of mania is that and crazy chicks putting themselves $12,000 in debt overnight and waking up with no recollection of it - then you probably have hypomanic bipolar. If little bits sound familiar but they always are accompanied by existential dread and/or the pervasive sense you’ve gotta keep moving Or Else, it could be some sort of anxiety disorder. Parts of this list also overlap with autism, or with ADHD, or with BPD, just depending on which symptoms you have.

By my understanding, the one cornerstone of any form of mania is that you feel like you have more energy than normal; not more energy than depressed you, but an actual excess. That energy can fade fast/turn out to be just a sensation and not actual energy, but the sensation is still there, and usually fucks with your sleep.

Hopefully that helped. If it didn’t, or if it did but there’s something else you want to know, feel free to shoot me another anon or a message. I might be slow to respond because my sleep schedule is currently fucked to three more hells than normal, but I will definitely do what I can to help.

#bipolar disorder #mania #bipolar #mental health #lyra's gone full on spazzbucket #tw self harm #tw hallucinations

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