#even though i dream of home'?
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The key five are incredibly misunderstood by D&D, so very misunderstood. Think about it.
They turned:
- Bran into some weird mindless, one-note zombie,
- Tyrion became witless and made foolish choices that he never would have,
- Daenerys somehow became mad (even though her whole thing is *not* ending up like her father), in which she killed thousands of innocents for no fucking reason (even though she's all about PROTECTING THE INNOCENT, so, uh ????????)
- Jon went all I dUn wAn iT (even though his book version is incredibly ambitious to the point where he *dreamt of being a conqueror like his hero, The Young Dragon*) but the most understood seems to be Arya.
They had no fucking idea of what to do with her, and it showed. It showed so fucking much.
#they think her arc is all about vengeance when it's about family and identity#they think she lives to be a tomboy when she's a very obvious feminist#george literally modelled her after feminists he knew back in the 60s and 70s like ???????#ArYa WiLl bEcOmE aN eXpLoReR is said by people who dont know her arc either#you think someone who longs to make a pack and be reunited will somehow be like 'aw naw i should fuck off to bum fuck nowhere#even though i dream of home'?#NO#when asked about what she was reminded of when she smelled the candles burning in the hobaw she thought of HOME#someone who is so adaptable will absolutely NOT see the changes to Winterfell and think she should leave#she would not abandon her family like that#nor would she leave because things are a little different#asoiaf#arya stark#ramble
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Big mistake to go into a career that is 50% reading contracts, when sometimes, the very sight of a contract makes me physically ill.
#though to be honest I think I'm just....burnt out. the last couple weeks have felt like I'm dragging myself from day to day#I literally read 4 books yesterday trying to essentially over-stimulate my brain into getting something done#I woke up at 5am this morning! I will wake up at 5am tomorrow too!#I need a vacation very badly and I'm not even going to plan anything for this one. just quietly sit at home.#sleep past 5am! the dream.#no wonder the company has to secretly manipulate you
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sometimes I forget how painful sanjis initial backstory is.. a kid so young experiencing starvation. carrying so much physical and mental effects from it. not to mention the isolation and loneliness he experienced as he sat alone watching the shore everyday. and the whole thing with zeff...
anyway I made myself sad so I saved a bunch of young baratie sanjis to cheer myself up
after everything he went through he found zeff- someone who gave him encouragement in his craft he had never experienced before and someone who proudly called sanji his son
#sanji and zeff mean sooooo much to me#zeff doesnt seem like the kind of person who ever desired kids#in fact I feel like he didnt want a kid at all#but then he met sanji and he saw and innocent child who shared his dreams and he knew he was going to look after him#he teaches him how to cook#he teaches him morals#he makes sure sanji is always FED#sanji didnt go looking for a mentor#or for a father#he was ready to face the world alone at the age of 8 and never questioned anything else#bc what could 'the failure' ever do but be tolerated??#but then zeff sacrifices everything for him#and even more#zeff lives for him#they create a home together; a restaurant in the sea#zeff became everything sanji needed and even though sanji felt he owed zeff so much..zeff never expected anything in return#because that is his SON and he LOVES HIM#my sanji and zeff ramblings#of all the many found family parent-child relationship theirs really hits me#zeff was a pirate until he saw a child in need ; a child he saw himself in; and then he STEPPED UP.#I gotta stop rn or ill never shut up#red leg zeff#black leg sanji#baratie#I could ramble about bellemere and nami and nojiko too#they remind me of the dynamic of zeff and sanji tbh#met in a storm and prioritizing the kids#refusing to show anything but pride for being parents of these kids
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mi papa y mi mama
#i miss my parents so much please come back home the kids are fighting even though i just watched my mom stream today#im obssessed with this picture like the way dream's hand hovering george's back behind the sofa and leaning on him#inner possesive manner husband vibe telling people the next person is his wife#estoy loco#dnf
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fuck, bears in trees were right. i stayed for tea and you know what? it did do wonders for me. and my friends? they do keep me safe.
#its been a rough few weeks#but today my friend invited me over for tea bc she noticed i hadnt been to lectures in a while#and it was the best hour ive had in a while#i felt so safe and warm and loved with her#id forgotten what that felt like outside me dreams#and then when i got home another friend messaged me asking if i was okay bc she hadnt seen me in a few days#and though i said id just fallen behind a bit and didnt go into mental health details#she said to let her know if theres anything she could do#im so emotional rn#love is inevitable even when you dont believe youre deserving of it#listening to my BiT playlist and crying of everything at once#damn#musicposting#bears in trees#*outside my dreans
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did u know
#i don’t know when i but i’m taller it must be something in the water#i grew up here til it all went up in flames except the notches in the door frame#my recurring dream i’m at the movies i don’t remember what i’m seeing the screen turns into a tidal wave#when the speed kicks in i go to the store for nothing#the house where u lived with snow white i wonder if she ever though the storybook tiles on the roof were too much#the drugstores r open all night the only real reason i moved to the east side#and here everyone knows ur the way to my heart hear so many stories of u at the bar#either i’m careless or i wanna get caught#i can’t open and forget how to talk bcs even if i could wouldn’t know where to start wouldn’t know where to stop#close my eyes fantisize three clicks and i’m home#when i get back i’ll lay around then i’ll get up and lay back down#i know i know i know#like a wave that crashed and melted on the shore not even the burnouts r out here anymore#either way we’re not alone i’ll find a new place to be from a haunted house with a picket fence to float around and ghost my#friends no i’m not afraid to disappear the billboard said the end is here i turned around there was nothing there yea ig the end is here#and now my feet can’t touch the bottom of u#of somebody who loves u more#so i will wait for the next time u want me like a dog with a bird at ur door#and there’s something i’m supposed to say but i can’t remember what it is#and if and if i could give u the moon i would give u the moon#u r sick and ur married and u might be dying#i would do anything for u i would do anything i will do anything#laying down on the lawn i’m tired of trying to get in the house i’m thinking out loud#i’ve been playing dead my whole life#i hate ur mom i hate it when she opens her mouth it’s amazing to me how much u can say when u don’t know what ur talking abt#i feel something when i see u#bcs i don’t know what i want until a fuck it up#i’ll climb through the window again but rn it feels good not to stand#day off in kyoto got bored at the temple looked around at the 711 the band took the speed train to the arcade i wanted to go but i didnt#called me from a pay phone they still got pay phones it cost a dollar a minute
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Playing minecraft. Travel several thousand blocks to the nearest desert. Find a village that appears to have been wiped out by either zombies or patrols.
There is one survivor. It's a baby villager. Running around all oblivious going HMMMM at me in its stupid baby squidward villager voice.
...Minecraft shouldn't be allowed to make me FUCKING FEEL THINGS
#Oh hi I guess I've adopted you now#even though you live multiple days from my home base#Just gonna. Slap a nametag on you and seal you into your house until I can come back and get to you ok? Ok#mineblr#is mineblr the correct tag or is that for the Dream SMP? I have no idea#sorry I'm new to this shit
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My friend: I can't think while I'm at work
Me, at work, earlier that day: word for word writing a fic In my head
#not a happy one either#out here in the pharmacy aisles thinking about comas#(old news)#but it was like Elsie calling her mom and her mom asking how everyone was#namely how Elsie (heart failure) and Finch (fetus whos host is going into heart failure) are doing#and Elsie says that shes been having contractions but shes hiding them from her doctors#(even though she thinks its Braxton hicks)#and her mom yells at her and asks why she would do that and Elsie says she doesn't want to have this baby without her wife#because her wife Atticus has been in a coma for about a week after an aneurysm ruptured + she hemorrhaged and seized#and her mom is about to say like “a life for a life” vibes. when a baby is born someone dies. that's how it works#and Elsie yells at her because a) what the fuck and b) why would god choose to kill her HEALTHY wife after making Elsie so sick?#why wouldn't he take Elsie if he needed a life for a life?#anyway i wrote it when i got home lmao#and now im at work again but this time it was filling waters.#and while i was doing that i was day dreaming about Rainey and Lyria and Remus#it was a nicer daydream (Rainey and Lyria going to get icecream but Rainey has no cash. Remus has 100$)#but i knew Remus had to ve hurt or she wouldn't be there (third wheeling AND She and Lyria don't get along)#so i was trying to figure out the timeline and decided on when she tried to kill herself so Rainey is watching her#and all I thiught was: (annoyed) i promsie not to kill myself in the next half an hour 😒#(while they run to town to get icecream together and she's left at home)#james is rambling again#ocs#rambling#thoughts#writer#writing#original character
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Okay, when I heard Socqueline/Jacqueline would be impersonating Ladybug, I was worried it would be another mean girl situation, but nah, she's a sweetheart. I'm adopting her
#if she were evil i would still adopt her out of spite though#also аdrien is having another depression episode i see#his room is just as messy as mine when i'm left home alone for more than a week#my boy shared a whole 'marriage and three children' dream with lb and still he's led to believe it's not reciprocated#can't even say he's oblivious because he's clearly having a whole breakdown#ml spoilers#ml s5 spoilers#socqueline wang
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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I find it really funny when people draw or make posts about c!Q and k!Q where c!Q is the 'evil, sneaky, scary and cruel' one to k!Q's 'innocent, doe-eyed, kind, and good" self, because like I feel rather confident in saying that k!Q is the worse one of the two LOL
/pos
#quackity#dream smp#karmaland V#karmaland#not in terms of like actions of course- k!Q hasn't tortured people or projected to lethal degrees#I mostly mean in content of their like character- as people#and I gen fully believe that c!Q has a lot more redeeming factors then resident zorra k!Q <3#love them both though- my little messes <3!#like.... if k!Q tortured a man and let another die.... I don't know if his intentions would be as.... understandable#not excusable but like... u get where c!Q traveled to get to that point as wrong as it is#k!Q? ... c!Q blew up Purp's home yeah? k!Q would find that cute- he'd mess up the home of those who cross in in a heartbeat-#he'd see his rival/frenemy struggle as he FINALLY accepts the boy he looked after and loved is dead#and mock his sadness- literally circle his home on a magic flying broom to mock him as said man has a breakdown#and then taunt him even further by dressing up in a new skin to look exactly like him LOL#yes he did that.... he. is. a. menace. <3.
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I love the sims 2 because it will completely wreck your shit right when you’re least expecting it
#i’ll set the scene for you: i’m doing the prosperity challenge (basically a challenge where you create a number of completely randomised#families and you play them in rotation. rules vary but generally the goal is to make all your sims as successful as possible#and it’s meant to add some variety and drama to the game)#so i’ve played through the first four families which were all some variation of either grandparents or teenagers looking after kids#just because that’s how my rolls fell. so i got to the last house which was just one adult man and i was like okay.#i JUST need an heir out of him. just ONE. and things were going great! he already had a boyfriend (the random uncle of the first family#i played realllly liked him and i was like ‘this might as well happen’) so i had them try for baby. then his dream job (slacker lol)#came up in the newspaper on the FIRST DAY and he kept getting promoted! i also had him adopt a stray dog i thought was cute#his pregnancy went unbelievably well. he only passed out while eating one time. i allowed myself to be lulled into a false sense of security#and then mans ✨WOKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND GAVE BIRTH TO QUADRUPLETS✨#look this is honestly on me for downloading the triplets and quads mod. i don’t even know why i do it. just for the risk factor?#regardless there was only a 3% chance for this and yet it STILL happened. on the first birth in the neighbourhood no less!!!!!#bear in mind this man is living in a 2 bedroom starter home; has one paycheque (GROCERY STORE CLERK) AND he’s just spent a bunch of money#on his new dog. and we can’t exactly sell the dog’s stuff because it’s essentials#i managed to find the money for 4 cribs and a nanny fucking Somehow. and then carnage ensued#i don’t think this man bathed for 3 days. i got the dog a job and then realised it got weekends off so wouldn’t be going#aging them all up into toddlers aged ME. i think they’re technically classified as some being a day older than the others but idc#i’ll rectify it at the next birthday. or at one of their birthdays anyway#it was just SO messy. next rotation should be better though??? i had him marry the kids’ other father (who is an elder so will probably be#around approximately 5 minutes) who bought in exactly £5 but at least there’s an extra person to change diapers and get bottles#i see a lot of nannies in these kids’ future i fear#personal
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context: my main plan for 2024 in my journal was "figure out the future & what I'm going to do & where I'm going to live" thinking about summer maybe except last friday during a particularly bad work-related depressive episode I went, fuck it I'm leaving here and found a site and applied for cheap studios in cork and dublin basically in the middle of the night. when I got better I started wondering if I REALLY wanted to leave and may have acted too soon without thinking it through as usual but decided that, you know, what's meant to happen will happen.
then this morning when I was washing my breakfast dishes I dropped a bowl on top of my favourite (and very durable) glass and the glass just snapped in half. at first I was upset but then I laughed thinking, guess this means everything is going to work out and I'm moving out, thanks!! and when I got back from work I found out that not only did I get a place in dublin but my top pick at that. I cannot believe this. the fucking glass. and it was actually still stable so I glued it back together to use for a plant or something. I fixed it. I wonder what it means. anyway. looks like things will work out after all
(it's got a dragon and that's why it's my favourite. out of two. the other one I just use for measuring rice.)
#personal#sofi.txt#text#multiple thoughts in my head#if superstition then why does it work?#the funniest thing is that i overthink tiny things but make big life changing decisions on impulse but somehow they're right#it was so random too because the cork apartment (which i wanted but got declined) was available since may so that's the date i applied for#even with the others#so i'm left with may but 4 months is the perfect amount of time to find a job and still save enough money here to make the move ok#the place is basically a shed in a lady's garden the size of my current living room but it's extremely cool and has everything one needs#and more than i have here in some cases. a DESK#it doesn't look unlike my childhood dream home tbh#and. thinking of palestinians living in tents who don't even have the one room and how lucky i am to be able to have that#or leave this small town willingly for the sake of my own wellbeing and go elsewhere just like this & safe 😭#dublin has all the major events though and i feel like i can do more there and actually join ipsc (
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Whatta long night and day todays been ooof
#finally saw my northern lights it’s always been a dream#but my car decided to want to end its life#it’s fine but but goddamn#so glad we were close by the house#I'm glad I sit on my money so well and as much as I like to spend money I like saving more#all about the libra balance babe#but gonna buy a new car soon#it’s time#even though we’re trauma bonded#definitely gonna get our moneys worth in repairs first#time to drive across country#bronco or jeep or subaru#it’ll be a bit but gonna start looking soon#saving for other things too#yesterday was such a good day tho got my beach walks and then northern lights#always find the good#can’t wait to go home and be lazy lazy tho
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cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc
pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement
#taylor.txt#the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych#we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol#i hate it here…i hate it#but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance!#some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is#for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field#notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this#i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes#but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field#i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average#semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel#also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents#AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel#in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off#while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day#currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed#i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers#ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project#i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy#and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol#and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine#also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks
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having a hyper realistic dream about reconnecting with an old friend i can't talk to anymore cause it would be weird to contact them is actually more traumatising than any nightmare my brain could conjure omfg
#its like those dreams where you have a baby then wake up and its devestating#i am devestated#i actually knew it was a dream when i was in it cause ive dreamt about it before#and i was there and i was like this is too good its exactly what i want im dreaming#but then i was like but im not gonna think about it too hard because then ill wake myself up and i dont want to#so i let myself be a little delulu and now im SO SAD#she wont wanna talk to me though its been too long and weve changed as people#and if i sent a message or anything it would just be like ?? why are you talking to me??#but in the dream it was so perfect we talked about loads of things#and we even were walking the route home from school we used to go every day together#i forget that through school we spent literally every day together and now we just dont speak#brb im gonna cry
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