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#anyway i wrote it when i got home lmao
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My friend: I can't think while I'm at work
Me, at work, earlier that day: word for word writing a fic In my head
#not a happy one either#out here in the pharmacy aisles thinking about comas#(old news)#but it was like Elsie calling her mom and her mom asking how everyone was#namely how Elsie (heart failure) and Finch (fetus whos host is going into heart failure) are doing#and Elsie says that shes been having contractions but shes hiding them from her doctors#(even though she thinks its Braxton hicks)#and her mom yells at her and asks why she would do that and Elsie says she doesn't want to have this baby without her wife#because her wife Atticus has been in a coma for about a week after an aneurysm ruptured + she hemorrhaged and seized#and her mom is about to say like “a life for a life” vibes. when a baby is born someone dies. that's how it works#and Elsie yells at her because a) what the fuck and b) why would god choose to kill her HEALTHY wife after making Elsie so sick?#why wouldn't he take Elsie if he needed a life for a life?#anyway i wrote it when i got home lmao#and now im at work again but this time it was filling waters.#and while i was doing that i was day dreaming about Rainey and Lyria and Remus#it was a nicer daydream (Rainey and Lyria going to get icecream but Rainey has no cash. Remus has 100$)#but i knew Remus had to ve hurt or she wouldn't be there (third wheeling AND She and Lyria don't get along)#so i was trying to figure out the timeline and decided on when she tried to kill herself so Rainey is watching her#and all I thiught was: (annoyed) i promsie not to kill myself in the next half an hour 😒#(while they run to town to get icecream together and she's left at home)#james is rambling again#ocs#rambling#thoughts#writer#writing#original character
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lloydfrontera · 2 years
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canon divergence and transcended noviel au!!
Where Lloyd complains out loud about wanting a normal marriage: so he asks Noviel to do something about the 'competition for the lady that deserves Lloyd Frontera's hand in marriage' challenge that Alicia hosts amdmxnd
btw long ask i am SO SORRY
Noviel at first asked why not just marry Alicia and live a good life as a king, but after much explaining earth customs he's convinced that Lloyd's making up excuses to be able to live at the Frontera estate freely, so he obliges anyway, just because he wants to see Lloyd truly happy, too
days before the competition Noviel makes an announcement to leave the barony for a month, much to everyone but Lloyd's shock, especially bc of what the Queen's planning to do, but either way Noviel leaves to do some 'work', and when he's fully gone, Lloyd's nervous, and Javier's delighted to finally be rid of his presence, albeit for a month
Fast forward to the day of the competition and Lloyd's sweating bullets bc Alicia's completely dominating the entire fight bc swordmaster queen(we stan🙏), but then. Suddenly, a challenger who wears an extra translucent black veil to cover her eyes, and adorning a very foreign looking dress appears, and??? Begins to show prowess in swordfighting?!?
the spectators watching immediately comment in awe that it's the fabled daughter of noble from a faraway continent, labelled the "slient beauty and power" of her family as she almost never speaks, yet is blessed with an ultra affinity for swordsmanship as a swordmaster AND beauty, to the point she needs a veil to 'ensure nobody immediately falls in love at first sight', and that the reason why she's here despite how the competition announcement had been only out for days was bc she roams around fighting challenges to find someone who can defeat her one day
inevitably, foreign lady and Alcia clash in the final spar against each other, with foreign lady showing sword techniques completely unknown to everyone, flashy yet practical moves, and just giving off pure power with every strike, and yet, somehow looks like she isn't giving her all in it, just fighting to prove something
Watching her fight, Javier's completely unnerved at the thought of another grandmaster in the making, and yet, silently grateful at the fact that Alicia won't marry Lloyd- and was about to comment on the tevhniques looking a bit familiar to Lloyd but.
Lloyd's completely enthralled at the fight, and dare Javier says with a pain in his heart, Lloyd's completely in love with the Lady, if the look of admiration, longing and shock on the other's face has anything to say. So he doesn't say anything out loud, and just watches the fight silently
meanwhile Lloyd's having the time of his life, completely flattered and extra grateful, because he knows that the lady that's slowly taking her time to defeat Alicia to prove a point is none other than Noviel, dressing up as a convincing lady. Lloyd's affection is definitely over the moon since Noviel didn't HAVE to put in so much effort for this one request, but he did;
Needed a competitor? Noviel dresses up as a lady that covers the eyes so nobody knows how he looks- oh but her identity? Spreading fake rumors days ago about a travelling swordmaster, genius plan- and most importantly, Noviel just. Showing off moves that were only described in the original "knight of blood and iron" just as a tribute for Suho, who always wanted to see how it looked in real life♥️, so of COURSE Lloyd's completely invested and enchanted during the whole fight, unbeknownst to everyone except Noviel and him :)))
The competition ends with Alicia being horribly defeated by foreign lady, the entire magentano kingdom congratulating and praising for foreign lady's win, and Javier's heart being broken seeing Lloyd excitedly going down to 'meet' her
Lloydcs in full fanboy mode completely praising and just so goddamn happy when speaking with the foreign Lady, even though she never replies, just chuckling silently
and later post competition, much to the shock of the spectators who know of "her story", after Foreign lady whispers to Lloyd to relay what she says to the crowd- Lloyd, using mana voice amplication, tells them all that the Lady who fought in the competition is none other than 'Lady Ione", the swordmaster who's only here to look for a challenge, and thus had never intended to marry Lloyd in the first place
However, she said, that any lady who would dare court Lloyd in the future will be challenged by her again, as she expressed deep interest in him (Lloyd's unsure if the last bit was an act or if it was genuine, so he's completely flustered either way, Javier's planning to train harder, and Alicia, though accepting defeat, plans to know more about her abilities)
Before Lady Ione leaves, Alicia requests a formal audience with her, along with Lloyd and Javier for a lowkey interview
After explaining her story on a paper as 'a young orphan who was discovered and trained by the "knight of blood and iron" and travelling around under his wing, until a noble family had decided to take her in after owing the knight for saving their lives, and from that point on, grew up as the adopted noble lady from a faraway continent, as a student of the "knight of blood and iron"' which explains how she's so strong and then saying that the Knight is now being held accountable by her family for her sudden disappearance, since she 'requested' him to distract her family so she could compete in the queen's competition (bc who DOESN'T pass up an opportunity to beat up a monarch right???)
Alicia's lowkey mad at the fact this competition basically meant nothing to her, Javier's glad that she doesn't want to marry Lloyd, and Lloyd's dying inside(gratefully) bc how the HELL does Noviel come up with such a convincing lie and getting away with it?!??!??
And if they needed evidence to back up the fact that Noviel and 'Lady Ione' are two different people, Lady Ione would show a pre-recorded intelligent video thing(like the one that happened in chapter 227 of the webnovel) of Noviel, with a helmet ofc, doing paperwork stressfully while communicating with everyone lmaoo
Eventually, Lady Ione leaves the lorasia continent for yet another 'challenge' and bc of her story, no one questioned this or stopped her- and when Noviel returns looking haggard a few weeks later, nobody has any suspicions against it, so it ends with (almost)everyone getting what they wanted 😌✨
Originally i was going to make Javier do the crossdressing but it would be funnier if Noviel did all this snnxndnd
Also about how the Noviel au works in the last arc of the novel ..... Let's think about that ina another time i can't handle the heartbreak yet mamzmsns
i have literally nothing to add to this it is perfect just as it is oh my god i am obsessed!!
like!!! noviel not only participating but actually winning the competition for lloyd's hand??? holy shit ajskdhksa
and like yeah he would! at this point he'd absolutely move heaven and earth for lloyd so this is like. nothing in his eyes. sure, he'll beat every challenger in the continent if lloyd asks him to, no problem.
AND JAVIER BEING DELIGHTED ABOUT NOVIEL LEAVING AHSKDASJKD i can just imagine someone half heartedly suggest getting another bodyguard for lloyd while noviel is gone and javier nearly biting their head off because how dare they, isn't it enough he has to share lloyd with noviel, that one is already superfluous enough as it is, no, this is his master he can protect him all by himself thank you very much
(altho coming back to what we said the other time about the novel ending with javier being literally unable to protect lloyd at the end,,, maybe javier would feel a little unnerved about noviel going away even as he tried to pretend he isn't. maybe he gets just a little bit more twitchy, a little more paranoid. maybe he gets a little more anxious about lloyd being out of his sight. noviel is annoying but at least javier knows he wouldn't hesitate to protect lloyd with his life. mmmmhh thoughts for another time)
ashdkja and oh my godddd lady noviel!!! yes yes yes yes i love that!!
i love the idea of javier being unsettled by some random lady suddenly start winning every fight and advancing through every stage with seemingly no difficulty. because at this point he would've been like. not happy but. at least resigned to alicia winning and marrying lloyd because at least he knows her. he knows she would be able to protect lloyd and he trusts her with him. but this lady?? who the fuck??? is she???
i can just imagine him quietly start wondering where the hell did he left his own dress lmao
AND THEN HIM THINKING LLOYD FELL FOR YET ANOTHER MYSTERIOUS MASKED STRANGER OH MY GOD his heart just sinking when he sees how mesmerized lloyd is by the lone lady and jumping to the wrong (and yet completely right) conclusion that he's in love jasdksafd
because yeah!! lloyd is very much in love!! but because he already knows that's noviel who went out of his way to give him an out from the whole thing just because lloyd asked him to and!! it's just so much for his poor little fanboy heart ashdksa
Showing off moves that were only described in the original "knight of blood and iron" just as a tribute for Suho, who always wanted to see how it looked in real life♥️
i love that his implies that suho gushed about it to noviel at some point and not only did noviel listened to him but also remembered it <3 like oh my god that's so sweeeet
Lloyd's unsure if the last bit was an act or if it was genuine, so he's completely flustered either way, Javier's planning to train harder, and Alicia, though accepting defeat, plans to know more about her abilities
noviel making his claim on lloyd i am Screaming lloyd would be an absolute blushing mess like face bright red even tho he convinces himself noviel is just saying it to get him out of the compromise ajsdkasd also love that noviel basically said "get on my level" and alicia and javier both said "bet"
and noviel's fabricated backstory for the lone lady is so fun, i love it, this man is lying his ass off and he's enjoying it, he's had plenty of experience already pretending to be a whole another person, this is easy in comparison (but also i kinda like the idea of noviel not being very used to lying before meeting lloyd but learning to do it very quickly, except that lloyd doesn't notice it and he thinks noviel is still a bit rubbish at it so when he sees him fabricating an entire backstory he's just like :O he didn't know he could that :O )
ahsdksak imagine if once noviel comes back javier just,, asks him,, once in a while,, after the lone lady. like just casually. out of curiosity you see. totally not because he's worried she'll change her mind and come back to marry lloyd and then javier will have to have lady ella challenge her in a duel and make a whole mess out of things. absolutely not. nothing like that. he's just curious.
FUCK I LOVE THIS SO MUCH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING IT WITH ME
also a tiny doodle cause i couldn't help myself <3
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#other ppl: youll be fine! u r passionate abt what u do#no u dont understand. its not passion. im being consumed. im being devoured whole and alive.#its out of control and its killing me#stop trying to tell me im good. i can assure u its a problem and i want it to fucking stop. whats the point of being successful if u cant#even fucking breathe?#this has been my weekend in purgatory for some reason. but fuck u i got the fucking application 98% done so im gonna read it over tomorrow#when my brain doesnt feel like its gonna explode and thrn send it to the dude and idk see wtf he has to say about it bc im positive i#overwrote it bc im unhinged. whatever tomorrow im gonna spend another 4hr transfering algae#if i can. turns out ive given myself a headache and now i cannot sleep lmao#lol i wrote all that yesterday night. it appears i was having a bad time. and i continue to have a bad time bc my manuscript is 98% ready#for submission but i leave at 7.20 tomorrow morning for my flight and wont be home until 7pm in this time zone at the very least#which means ill have to fucking wait all day to submit i guess unless i use plane wifi or something. fucking idk#i also havent sent the application in yet and i havent bought any Christmas presents bc my brain is splitting into a million pieces#its 10 pm now. will is sleep tonight? who's to say i still have work to do on this fucking manuscript#at least my coauthor thinks itll only get sent back with minor revisions so it must look pretty ok#part of it is just me bitching abt inconsistent methods across papers bc it annoys me but also i dont give a fuck#i will fucking psychically control ppl to read this paper and use its knowledge bc the way they talk abt the topic annoys me so much#which is additionally annoying bc like i said i dont give a fuck#anyway im procrastinating#unrelated#my parents texting me today: yay we r excited to see u 🤗#and im just laying on the floor eminating a demonic aura
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goodmorningnona · 2 months
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i have a disorder called gets a fic idea then blacks out until it's done
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ovaryacted · 9 days
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HOMECOMING
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PAIRING: Jackson! Joel Miller x afab! reader
SYNOPSIS: After a long day of patrol, Joel comes home later than he said he would be back. You are just happy to welcome him back into your arms.
CONTENT/WARNINGS: FLUFF. Suggestive content - 18+. Established relationship. Soft & affectionate Joel Miller. Ambiguous age gap (Joel is in his late 50s, reader is 25+). Mentions of early pregnancy. Cute stuff. Banter and teasing. No use of y/n.
WC: 1.8k
A/N: Hey there, been a while. In case y'all forgot, yes I do still write LMAO. This is a little something that I wrote miraculously on my free time, and it is my first Joel Miller piece. I'm also slowly getting back into writing so pls be nice! I did originally write this with the new Pedro Pascal picture as Joel in mind, but I'm a gamer Joel type of girl at heart so that's what I went with. Hopefully, it is enjoyable for those who choose to read it. Any likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated! Dividers by @saradika-graphics.
➣ TLOU was created by a zionist and is based off of the Israeli occupation of Palestine. Please refer to this link to learn how you can help the Palestinian people.
NAVIGATION | MASTERLIST | AO3
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Night fell over Jackson, soothing and quiet as it usually was. You’d think after some time, you’d get used to the stillness that often consoled others in a world full of unsettling clicks and gunfire, but you found yourself troubled with the calmness that followed once the sun went down. The change of the seasons propelled a temperature shift outside; bitter winter exchanged for the rebirth of spring, which hopefully meant the sun would stay in the sky just a little bit longer.
Your face nuzzled into the pillow beneath you, the material not yours to claim, but it wasn’t unfamiliar. Digging your nose further into the bedding, you subconsciously chased the faint scent of pinewood and gunpowder, one of the few things that eased your anxiety. It was a smell you got used to recognizing over the past few years, not that you’ve been keeping count.
Despite the warmth the sheets provided you as you rested on the left side of the bed, your body felt cold, missing a familiar set of strong arms and a welcoming chest pressing up against you. He had told you before he left for patrol that he’d be back before sundown, that was the plan anyway. But you knew better than anyone that stepping outside the protective gates of Jackson always left room for the unpredictable.
In the haze of your dreams, you faintly heard the click of the front door opening and closing, the floorboards of the stairs creaking with the ghost of muted footsteps. You stirred in bed, ears trained to pinpoint the noise, yet too stubborn to wake up entirely. A breeze entered the bedroom before you sensed something else sharing the space.
That’s when you felt the phantom touch of plush lips skimming along your hairline. If you weren’t awake then, you certainly were now.
“Joel?” A call of his name equivalent to a whimper at the sudden contact you craved. You caught the slight intake of breath and the exhale that followed.
“It’s me darlin’. Didn’t mean to wake you,” Joel spoke quietly, the peaceful baritone of his voice awakening you fully. As you sighed, you met his tired gaze with your own, bruised knuckles raising to brush your cheekbone affectionately.
“Things went okay on the patrol?” You questioned him, pleased that he was here with you in one piece rather than focusing on the fact that he came later than you’d like.
“Yeah, had to check something out with Tommy to be sure before coming back. I’m sorry honey, didn't want to make you stay up for me.”
Even if it was unintended, Joel felt guilty whenever he didn’t stick to his word. He was not much of a virtuous man, lived a large part of the past two-plus decades giving less of a shit about honesty and ethics. But when it came to you, it killed him when he couldn’t follow through on his promises, even if things weren’t within his control. The last thing Joel wanted was to upset you or make you worry, but no matter how many times he reassured you of his return, you still tried your hardest to wait for him to come back home, back to you.
“It’s okay, I’m just happy you’re here,” you blinked slowly as his voice filtered through the lagged mess of your head. Leaning your face towards his hand, you kissed the inside of his palm. “Go freshen up and come to bed; I’m cold.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he chuckled with a smile at your forgiveness, parting from you for a second and heading to the bathroom, not planning to make you wait any longer.
You watched his silhouette from where you lay on the bed, fluttering your eyes closed at the sound of running water. When the door opened again, Joel’s broad figure returned wearing a worn-down flannel and some fleece pants he had snagged long ago.
“Scoot,” he jutted his chin to gesture to the right side of the mattress, your side, suggesting to reclaim his on the left. Shifting to the right, you let him slip into the bed feet first, hauling the sheets to cover the both of you. A bulky arm wrapped around your waist and tugged you close to him, your body molding to his like a missing puzzle piece.
“Not too far now,” Joel grinned as you nestled right into his warm chest, seeking his attention and attempting to siphon more of his warmth. It takes you off guard how your nerves instantly settled once you had Joel near you again. In his arms, that was where you belonged—protected, loved, safe.
“I missed you,” you mumbled, eyes shutting to breathe in his typical musk. One of his hands cradled your lower back, thumb running circles into your skin.
“I missed you too, darlin’. Too damn much.” Joel kissed your forehead, drawing lines up and down your back with his fingertips.
His hand moved again from behind you to the front of your body, palming your stomach protectively. A smile crept up on his face as he felt your tummy under the material of the flannel you stole from him, the only thing you preferred for pajamas. The gentle curve of your belly was not yet prominent enough to be overly detectable, but he knew what you carried. Precious cargo. That’s what he called it after you both adjusted to the shock of adding to Jackson’s current population count.
“Still feelin’ sick?” Joel asked you in the room’s darkness, his eyes shifting to watch over your facial features. The moonlight illuminated the edge of your jaw and the roundness of your cheeks, and his chest ached at the thought of witnessing other growing changes over the next couple of months.
“Sometimes. It bothers me, but nothing I can’t handle.” You reassured him the best way you knew how, having to rely on Maria’s advice for all things related to childcare and Ellie being your new overly protective guard and nurse when Joel wasn’t around.
If someone had told you that you’d find yourself alive after the apocalypse in a safe community and pregnant at that, you’d consider them crazy. Yet here you were, carrying a man’s child when you least expected it, a man years older than you with memories of a reality you couldn’t experience or remember. But you didn’t mind; the end of the world didn’t leave much room for strict morals anyway.
Make the most of it. You don’t know when you’ll miss something once it’s gone.
Joel had told you that after the first few patrols you had with him once you adjusted to Jackson, growing comfortable with the stoic and quiet man who grabbed your attention everywhere he went. He shared stories of a time before the world fell apart, discussing things like watching the sunset, listening to music from artists you’ve never heard of, and sweet treats he missed tasting. Things changed after the seventh patrol together, where you saw him smile for the first time after successfully hunting some game for the town.
That night, one thing led to another. It started after some drinks, a hungry and messy kiss on your doorstep that led to clothes on the bedroom floor, and hands pawing at one another. You woke up the next morning with an arm wrapped around your waist and his nose rubbing the back of your neck.
Simply put, you haven’t left since.
“Oh, I know. Can handle a whole lot, strong woman you are.” Joel taunted you a bit, his memory fleeting momentarily and recalling the spitfire you always were with him in particular. He could never seem to tame your spunk and attitude, but he grew to love it like the rest of you.
“Mhmm, real strong, if you ask me.” You held his gaze with a gleam of mischief, bringing your body closer to his wide chest and tilting your chin upwards, silently asking for more than a cuddle.
“You tryin’ to tell me something I don’t already know?”
“I don’t know. Am I?” You were a tease, always have been, jerking Joel’s chain more than he cared to admit. 
“Those hormones are messing with your head, darlin’. Got you acting feisty,” he smirked, shifting nearer to your face.
Curious hands reached up to curl through his thick, graying curls. The contrasting streaks along his temple became more noticeable as time passed, matching the graying beard you’ve come to love and adore. He hesitated to let his hair grow out initially, thinking he’d look too much like his younger brother. Much convincing later, paired with hiding the shears, you got the desired result, and now you were lucky enough to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
The kiss was velvety as it was intimate, your tongue lining his bottom lip before he groaned, granting you entrance into his mouth. You swallowed the rumble he released, drawing a path of your touch from his neck down to his lower abdomen. Antsy fingers itched to skim the waistband of the fleece that concealed him, reaching close to the hardness you felt before he seized your hand away.
“Aht aht, no. As much as I want you there, it’s bedtime.” Joel didn’t necessarily want you to stop. Hell, if it were up to him, he’d let you go to town on him however you wanted. But his energy levels were dwindling, and all he wanted to do after a long day was get some proper rest with you in his arms.
“But-”
“Sweetheart, if you let this old man sleep, I’ll wake you up to a real nice surprise in the mornin’.” It was an effortless proposition, easy to keep you at bay until the next day and enough to curb your insatiable appetite.
“Promise?” You beat your lashes at him, knowing the last thing Joel would do was deliberately not provide for your needs, even if that meant having to keep up with you physically.
“Pinkie swear.” Joel gave you another peck before letting you get comfy against his chest once more, cuddling into him as much as your growing belly would allow without being squished. You started to drift off as sleep called to you, listening to the gentle rhythm of soft beating in your ear.
“Breakfast too, Miller.” You murmured to him, peeping how he laughed in the dark with his eyes closed. The pleasant and lively sound made you smile and your heart pound. 
“Oh, I’ll feed you. Don’t worry your pretty little head about that.”
The peace in your bedroom matched the serenity that fell over Jackson. Now that you had Joel wrapped around you, you didn’t mind how quiet it was. So long as you have him, you can handle anything that comes your way.
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libraryofgage · 7 months
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Good Vibrations Two
This AU got a lot more attention than I expected actually hfjdks I'm so glad everyone likes it!
Anyway, here's part two! We get some concert, some peeks at how Robin helps Steve navigate social situations, and a little Eddie having an itsy-bitsy crisis over Steve's fashion choices.
Have fun! And, as always, if you see any typos, no you didn't (especially for this one since I wrote most of it on my phone actually lmao)
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Steve stares at the shirts laid out on his bed, arms crossed over his chest. Choosing jeans had been easy, but choosing a shirt is giving him trouble. What do you wear to a metal show at the local dive bar for a small-town band in which the lead singer is a long-time and way-out-of-your-league crush that you've been holding a candle for since the first time you saw him laugh on top of a cafeteria table?
You definitely don't show up in a plain black shirt, that's for sure.
The lights in the hall outside Steve's room flicker, switching off and on three times. Steve just barely notices, which means he doesn't get his pants scared off when Robin appears in the doorway, grinning at him while pocketing the key to the front door he'd given her months ago into a messenger bag. "Hey, dingus," she says, striding into the room and flopping onto the bed.
Steve rolls his eyes, yanking the shirts out from under her and laying them once more over Robin's stomach and legs. "What shirt should I wear?" he asks.
It takes a few seconds for Steve to look from the shirts to Robin, and she patiently waits until he's staring at her to say, "Just pick one. Nobody's gonna care what you're wearing."
"I care," Steve says, frowning as he looks back at the shirts. For the aforementioned crush reason, Steve cares very much about the shirt he wears. "What says 'Hi, we've never talked before but your music is the only thing I can hear and I think your hair is in desperate need of quality shampoo and also I've been halfway in love with you since, like, sophomore year'?"
Robin considers the question for a long moment before picking up a red sweater. "This one says 'I'm horny'," she offers.
Steve blinks, staring at the sweater for a few beats before laughing. "But I'm not," he says.
Despite looking at Robin, she happens to angle her head toward the sweater, and her response is lost on Steve. He frowns, waits until her jaw has stopped moving, and says, "I didn't get that."
After Robin first learned about Steve's deafness, he'd been overly anxious about asking her to repeat things. Somehow, it was worse to constantly ask when the person knew he couldn't hear well, if at all. But Robin had never shown annoyance; she'd just adjust her posture, make sure Steve could see her lips, and repeat her words. She does all of this now, and Steve gets to read her joking response, "Yeah, but you will be."
And, yeah, she has him there. Steve huffs and collapses onto the bed beside her, sacrificing the shirts. "I'll need a jacket," he says, turning his head to look at Robin so he can read her response.
Instead of words, though, he sees her face light up, and she jumps off the bed. Steve sits up, watching as she digs in her messenger bag before pulling out a t-shirt. "Remember when I stayed over a few weeks ago? And you let me borrow a shirt? You should wear it!"
Thankfully, Robin waits until she's done talking to throw the shirt in Steve's face. Honestly, he only understood a few words ("remember," "borrow," and "wear") but he's gathered enough context clues to get the gist of things.
He spreads the shirt out, humming at the Iron Maiden design. It's not one he wears often; for the most part, it's a shirt he wears on lazy days at home because of how soft it is. But as he's studying the design, Steve is suddenly hit with a stroke of pure genius.
He quickly changes into the shirt and then grabs a varsity jacket (not his letterman, but one he'd seen at the mall and bought on a whim because it used a nice shade of yellow) off his desk, tugging it on over the shirt but leaving it unbuttoned. After a few more seconds of digging around, he finds sneakers under the bed and tugs them on.
"Okay," he says, turning so Robin can see the outfit from every angle. He comes to a stop when he's facing her once more, hands buried in his jacket pockets, and asks, "What do you think? How's it look?"
"I think you'll give Eddie a crisis," Robin replies, wrinkling her nose at the varsity jacket. "Not, like, a bad one. But he'll probably ask where you got the shirt from."
Steve grins, thinking that sounds about perfect, and turns to study himself in the mirror. It's a surprisingly solid blend of metal and jock, and it makes him feel oddly confident, the same way he felt the first time he did his hair just right and everyone complimented it.
"Perfect," he decides. "Let's go."
----
The ride to the Hideout isn't exactly quiet, but it's not like Steve can talk and drive at the same time. So it's filled with music blasted as high as it can go on his car stereo, causing the whole vehicle to vibrate with each beat. When he finally turns the car off after parking, Robin grimaces as she rubs her ears.
She waits for Steve to be in front of her before saying, "We're putting the windows down next time."
"Oh. Sorry," Steve says, rubbing the back of his neck a little awkwardly as Robin dismissively waves off his apology.
"No, it's fine, I'm just saying. Now, let's get inside before they start."
With that, she loops her arm through Steve's and drags him into the Hideout. They're hit with a wave of cigarette smoke, spilled beer, and sweat as they walk through the door, the combined smells making Steve dizzy. He frowns, leaning closer to Robin as she squeezes his arm. He feels her thumb tap him twice, their code for asking if the other is okay.
"I'm fine," he mumbles, nodding to a table in the corner. "Let's go sit. I just need to get used to...everything."
The lights are weird, too. Despite the place being dim, the few lights that are on are flickering, and Steve is having trouble processing all the new information his (working) senses are taking in.
Thankfully, Robin pulls him over to the table he pointed to, a small circle near a stage of dubious sturdiness. It looks like it can barely hold the instruments, much less those plus the people who will play them. There's an amp on the side of the stage near the table, which means they'll have the perfect spot to feel the music's vibrations. Steve slides into one of the chairs there and closes his eyes, resting his arms on a table that is surprisingly not sticky.
He feels Robin move the other chair next to him, slide in, and start pulling things out of her bag. When Steve opens his eyes again, there's a notebook between them and a variety of pens in all different colors spread out across the open pages. Robin has already picked up a red pen and is writing with it as Steve chooses a purple one.
When Robin is done writing, she taps the page so Steve can read, "Want something to drink?"
"I'm not sure we can trust the glasses here," he writes back.
"The fact you're calling them "glasses" tells me everything. Just sit tight."
With that, Robin drops her pen, winks at Steve, and heads over to the bar where a woman is wiping the counter. Steve watches her for a few seconds before looking around at the other people in the place. Most of them are sitting in groups, talking amongst themselves. Most of them also have mustaches or beards, making it downright impossible for Steve to read their lips.
Instead, Steve just gets a dull kind of rush in his ears, an ever-present background noise he can't escape. Soon enough, maybe because he's thinking about it too much, a high-pitched ringing starts up in his right ear, growing and growing in pitch until it's all he can focus on. Steve grimaces and looks down at the notebook, trying to keep his shoulders relaxed so he doesn't look as tense as he feels. The ringing persists, and he rubs his ear like that's going to help.
His ear is still ringing, though it has started to diminish, when a water bottle is placed in front of him. Steve jerks, forcing himself to calm down as Robin slides into her seat again with a mug of beer that's more foam than anything else. "They're about to start," she says, waiting until Steve has nodded once to show understanding before taking a sip.
Steve looks up at the stage and wonders how he missed Eddie and his friends arriving. As his friends are setting up behind him, Eddie is resting one hand on the neck of his guitar and using the other to hold the mic close to his mouth. Steve can't read his lips, but Eddie's grin is a little contagious as he says something to a guy by the bar. The guy must say something back, because Eddie bursts out laughing, his head thrown back to show off a neck Steve wants to bite.
A tap on his arm brings his attention away, and he looks at the notebook to see Robin has scrawled out a transcript:
"Eddie: Thanks for coming out tonight, everyone
Guy: Fuck off, Munson
Eddie: Love you, too, Jeremy"
Steve snorts, looking up to see Robin's equally amused smile as she continues to write on another page. When he glances at the stage, Steve sees Eddie still talking into the mic, his eyes roaming over the audience until they reach Steve and Robin. Eddie seems to grip the mic tighter, and he holds Steve's eyes for a few seconds, giving just enough time for Steve to wave awkwardly before Eddie looks away. But his smile seems a little bigger than before, and Steve is happy to let himself think he caused it.
When he looks down again, Robin has finished writing, and she nudges the notebook closer to him. Eddie must talk fast, because her writing is almost indistinguishable from chicken scratch in dirt that a cat got dragged through. Thankfully, Steve is an expert at this point.
"Eddie: Anyway, you know the drill. We'll start with some Metallica, treat you to Iron Maiden, throw in a dash of Black Sabbath, and then grace you with a Corroded Coffin original. If you don't like it, not my problem."
Steve feels the beginning of the set as he finishes reading. He sits a little straighter, planting his feet firmly on the floor and placing his palms on the table with his fingers spread. Robin is still writing next to him, most likely transcribing the bits and pieces of conversation she can hear for Steve to read later and laugh at. She doesn't try to get his attention while she does, already knowing it won't be worth it after Steve has shifted into Music Mode.
In the same way that people can tell what song is playing based simply on the first note, Steve can sometimes tell based on the strength and length of the first vibration. In the same way people know the lyrics of songs after listening to them enough times, Steve knows the vibration patterns like the back of his hand. In the same way people who hear their favorite songs played live can tell when a note is wrong or a lyric is sung too fast, Steve can tell when the drummer or bassist makes tiny mistakes that wouldn't be caught otherwise.
And Steve loves it. He loves how his entire body thrums with each vibration that travels from the amp. He loves how he can close his eyes and picture a story based on the music, one that probably doesn't match the lyrics but tends to replace them in his heart. He loves that this is something he can still share with his friends, even if most of them don't realize how different his experience with music is.
So, for all the little bumps and dips that occur in the vibrations as Corroded Coffin plays, for all the tiny slips that certainly go unnoticed by anyone else, and for all the fact that Steve doesn't get to hear Eddie's voice, he can confidently say he loves the show. He's never heard the songs played like this before, and it helps diminish the gut-deep desperation for new music.
And then Corroded Coffin starts a new song. It's one Steve doesn't recognize, one with vibrations that are completely foreign to him, and he jerks his head up to watch Eddie play his guitar in an opening solo. It thrums across the floor, climbing up his legs and spreading in waves from his palms on the table. Steve feels goosebumps chase after it, a new wave washing over him when the guitar solo ends with a particularly strong vibration that's immediately followed by the drums and bass.
Eddie throws himself into the music, moving and twisting and strutting around the stage like he's playing to Madison Square Garden. Steve can't look away, the lyrics incomprehensible but replaced by the jerk of Eddie's hips and the tilt of his head and the little half-spin he does on his heel.
It ends too quickly with one final, reverberating strum that lingers in Steve's bones, burrowing into his marrows as Eddie pushes his hair back and grins into the mic. He says something breathlessly, his shoulders rising and falling rapidly as he tries to catch his breath, and Steve knows he's gone.
He's hopeless.
He's desperate.
He needs more Corroded Coffin, more Eddie, in whatever form he can get.
----
For the first time, Corroded Coffin gets genuine applause after playing. Usually, the patrons of the Hideout will politely clap (if they even notice the set is over) for about two seconds. Tonight, however, Eddie and his friends are graced with excited clapping, a few shouts, and one very strong whistle from a small table to the left of the stage. And it spreads because even rough biker dudes can fall to peer pressure when it's that enthusiastic.
So, yeah, genuine applause all because of Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley who, Eddie thinks, is surprising company for the former King of Hawkins High. No matter how unexpected, he should still thank them and ask what they thought of the set now that it's over. He carefully sets his guitar on a stand and glances over his shoulder, catching Jeff's gaze and flashing a grin. "I'll be right back," he says before jumping off the stage and heading over to Steve and Robin's table.
As he gets closer, he notices the notebook and pens spread out, colorful writing filling the pages and Steve grinning with amusement as he reads it. Robin is watching him like she's waiting for him to understand an inside joke already so they can laugh about it together. If Eddie didn't already know Robin was like him (band camp, summer after his junior year, during an unfortunate game of Seven Minutes in Heaven where they awkwardly stood in a closet together before Robin commented on his black bandana), he'd wonder if something was going on between them.
"How'd you like the set?" Eddie asks when he reaches the table, suddenly nervous enough to tug on a lock of his hair and pull it in front of his mouth.
Robin looks up, but Steve doesn't. He's still reading the notebook, snorting at whatever is written there like he didn't hear Eddie. It's not until Robin elbows him that he raises his head, eyes widening when he sees Eddie. "Sorry, could you repeat that?" Steve asks, his gaze dropping to Eddie's mouth (Eddie definitely isn't imagining that) and faltering some.
"I asked if you liked the set," Eddie says, frowning slightly as Robin grabs a pen and scribbles something on the notebook. It's too small for him to read, but he doesn't miss how Steve glances down for less than a second before his eyes light up with realization.
"Oh!" he says, looking back at Eddie and flashing a charming grin. "It was great. You guys are so loud, and I've never f-uh, heard anything like your original song before."
Eddie catches the way Steve fumbles, faltering like he wanted to say one word but forced himself to say another. Something is tugging at the back of Eddie's mind, but he can't quite grab onto it just yet. For now, he leans forward, placing both hands on the table so he can be closer to Steve. "You listen to metal often, Harrington?" he asks.
Steve stares at his mouth for a few seconds before nodding, and Eddie feels the thrill of learning something completely unexpected. "I like Black Sabbath best, but Judas Priest and Guns N' Roses are close seconds," Steve says.
"Yeah?" Eddie asks, "What do you like most about it?" He wants to know. Does Steve Harrington (King Steve, Steve "The Hair" Harrington, Steve fucking Harrington) like metal for the same reasons he does? Does he like the stories and the passion and the heavy theatricality of it all?
Steve seems to hesitate, possibly thinking about how to answer, before finally saying, "I like how it's music I can feel. When I listen to metal, it digs into my bones. Other music doesn't."
Somehow, Eddie's grin gets impossibly wider, and his cheeks are hurting from the sheer force of it. He's about to say more when Robin glances at the clock and swears under her breath. "Shit, I promised Mom I'd be home ten minutes ago," she says, grabbing the pens and recklessly throwing them into her bag.
It's the movement that seems to catch Steve's attention, and he looks down at Robin's hands before looking up at the clock. "Oh, fuck, your curfew," he says, looking at Robin like she hadn't just said the same thing two seconds ago.
"Yeah, no shit, dingus," Robin says, pausing long enough to speak while looking straight at Steve before throwing the notebook into her bag, too. She jumps to her feet and hauls Steve out of the chair, making his varsity jacket fall open to reveal an Iron Maiden shirt.
And Eddie thinks his heart just about stops. He doesn't know why, but seeing Steve in a metal band shirt under an undeniably jock jacket makes him feel....something. This is, like, sacrilege, right? How dare Steve Harrington allow Metal and Jock to meet? Doesn't he know the two styles clash? Or, well, they're supposed to clash, but Steve somehow wears them well, and Eddie thinks he's upset and annoyed by the fact.
Before Eddie can analyze that feeling, Steve says, "Sorry to run, Eddie. You played really well. Let me know when the next show is."
There's a lot to unpack there, too. Steve Harrington wants to come to another Corroded Coffin gig. Steve Harrington is sorry he has to cut the conversation short. Steve Harrington thinks his band played really well. Before Eddie can say anything in response, Robin is dragging Steve away, throwing a goodbye over her shoulder.
Eddie doesn't want Steve to go without something, though, some kind of departing word, so he shouts, "See ya later, big boy!"
Steve doesn't look back, but Robin nearly trips over the doorway. She then pauses long enough to say something to Steve, watching with sheer delight as he splutters and glances at Eddie before dragging her through the door. Eddie couldn't stop the grin if he tried, and he didn't try.
Later, when Eddie is sprawled on the floor of his room, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about Steve's stupid combination of Metal and Jock, he'll be struck by a sudden, consuming thought. What if Steve was wearing just the Iron Maiden shirt? What if he wore just the jacket?
Eddie swallows around the sudden lump in his throat, his mouth going dry as he scrambles to his feet and gets ready to take a very, very cold shower.
----
Tag List (the tag list is completely filled up! There definitely wasn't enough room for everyone who requested a tag orz
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soft-spooks · 2 years
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split the skin
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the-raindeer-king · 3 months
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The 141 and having kids with them :) This was fueled by a random thought I had at work, and it was written at like 3am. Pls be kind.
Simon “Ghost” Riley
Due to his personal experiences, I think he probably would be against having kids in the beginning. Like he's seen and been through so much, and I think his main fear would be ending up like his dad. So he always just wrote it off as something he never wanted to experience
UNTIL YOU COME IN 
And at some point, maybe after Johnny starts having kids, Simon sees you interacting with one of the babies. And something about seeing you with a baby on your hip flips a switch in his brain. 
He wants a kid and he wants one now.
Anyway y'all definitely don't stop at just one kid. I like the idea of Simon with 3 kids, all girls of course. He just exudes girl dad energy. 
He's a great dad too btw. Retires from field work after the second girl is born, and absolutely adores them. Encourages them to engage in extracurricular activities. Would coach their sports team if any of them join. Never misses a recital (totally doesn't try to get the other task force members to show up. 🙄 They just happened to be free lmao)
If any of the girls enlisted, he'd probably try to talk them out of it at first. War is brutal, and the idea of any of them going through what he did makes him sick with worry. But he comes around to the idea, and in the end, is so proud of them. 
He's proud of them regardless. All three are firecrackers with big personalities, and he loves them so much. 
John Price
I think, when he was younger, Price wanted kids. Liked the idea of a wife/husband, a house with a yard, and a couple kids. And it just… never happened. Life got in the way, and how could he bring a child into this world, with all the things he's seen? He made his peace with it, and moved on. 
And then he meets YOU. And suddenly he finds himself hoping for these things again. Especially kids. 
Give this man a baby, please! He exudes fatherly energy (in more ways than one ;p) 
After y'all have the first kid, he retires from the military all together. He's paid his dues, and he's got something far more important now: you, and your sweet baby boy :)
I could see Price either only having one, or having a handful of kids. Probably no more than 3 (two boys and a girl) 
A good dad. Maybe gets a little too invested in their sports games, probably ends up as a coach after correcting the old one too many times lmao 
Would be so proud if any of your kids followed in his footsteps. If none of them do, I think he'd be quietly disappointed but proud of them nonetheless. The two of you raised some wonderful kids. 
Kyle “Gaz” Garrick
Probably never really gave it much thought. Like having kids would be cool. Not having them is fine too. Kyle definitely wasn't stressing it, he's got bigger things to worry about.
I mean that is until YOU come along. And now he's thinking about getting married and having babies. 
Definitely talks with you about it in detail. He wants your opinion on it, what method to go about it, if you think you're ready for that. A very lengthy conversation that ends in a mutual agreement. 
I think Kyle wouldn't want more than 2. Like you could convince him, if you want more. But he's fine with a small family. 
2 boys. Twins. Absolutely a handful, and Kyle's there to help when he can. I don't think he'd leave the military until the boys are older, maybe 10/11. But he steps up when he is home, giving you a well deserved break from parenting. 
Loves your boys. Play wrestles with them when they're little, brings them trinkets back from his deployments, takes note of their interests and different personalities. 
Wouldn't mind either way if they enlisted or not. Kyle would be proud of them regardless. You've raised two fine boys, what's not to be proud of?
Johnny “Soap” MacTavish 
Oh, Johnny boy here wants a big family. He's dead set on having kids. It absolutely is a deal breaker for him. His partner has to want kids too.
So when he meets you. And you want kids too, he's over the moon. 
If you've got a uterus, the first kid definitely happens unintentionally. Y'all weren't actively trying, Johnny just can't keep it in his pants lmao. 
If not, then it's all planned out and everything goes smoothly, whether that's surrogate or adoption. 
Like I said, BIG family. I'm talking like 5 kids at the least. You cannot talk him out of it.
Also gives big girl dad energy. Probably ends up with 4 girls and 1 boy. And he's fine with it! Loves getting his nails painted and throwing tea parties, just as much as he loves playing soccer and wrestling 
Like Kyle, Johnny doesn't immediately retire. Sometime after the girl 4 and the baby boy, he'd retire from field work. But he's always facetiming with the kids and bringing them stuff back. Being dad doesn't stop just because he's halfway across the world. 
Would be so proud if any of them enlisted. Would probably cry unashamed. But he's equally as proud of them if they don't. 
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dearhargrove · 2 months
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Survivors
Evan Buckley x reader
summary You're taking care of Christopher when Buck comes home, looking absolutely drained and in shock and goes straight to Christophers room. You overhear the news and make sure to care for both Chris and Buck.
word count 1639
tags pretty much episode 14 season 4, Eddie gets shot but it's not described, Buck is sad :(, Chris being the precious kid he is
a/n the way I sat there in silence when Eddie got shot is crazy. Like first they hurt us with Athena and Bobby's fight and then one second passes and Eddie (my bb) gets shot I'm so confused 😭 anyway I couldn't take it when I saw bucks reaction so I wrote a fix it for me. Also I screen recorded off of an illegal site to make gifs LMAO
masterlist
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You're washing the dishes when the front door opens and closes, footsteps echoing through the hallway and living room - right past the kitchen.
“Eddie?” You call and the steps stop. Instead of the man you'd expected there's your husband, Buck. He looks distraught, eyes bloodshot and lips bitten raw. What the hell happened? He doesn't even really look at you, it's like he's looking through you. “Buck? You okay?”
He licks his lips and blinks a few times but he doesn't reply. He walks straight to Christopher's bedroom, you following after him in confusion and worry. Why was he alone and why did he look like he'd seen a ghost or worse?
He stops before entering Chris’ room, but not to wait for permission to come in but more like hesitancy. He balls his hand into a fist and takes a deep breath before walking in. You take his spot in the doorway and watch with a worried frown as Buck squats down in front of Chris who's sitting on his bed, playing a video game.
“Where's Dad?” Buck looks down and you see him swallow again before he looks into the kids eyes. “He's.. not coming home tonight, Chris.”
Chris seems almost unbothered by it but considering that Eddie had to stay in the hospital overnight almost regularly due to his job, it was a reasonable reaction. But Buck doesn't seem to think the same and shakes his head minimally.
“Did he get hurt? In a fire?” Chris inquires and Buck turns his head to the side and slowly shakes it in negation. Before explaining it he sits down next to Chris and pinches the bridge of his nose, frowning. “No, not- not in a fire.” He takes another deep breath before continuing, “The truth is someone hurt your Dad.”
It's been a while since you've heard his voice so sullen and raspy from crying - probably since the last visit from his parents and that was weeks ago now. You slowly and quietly come into the room as well, standing at the foot of the bed and next to Buck with his back turned to you.
He regards you with a short glance before focusing back on Christopher, confirming his question, “Yeah, a bad guy.”
You see him reach up and wipe under his eyes, frowning in empathy as you put your hand between his shoulder blades and slowly move it up and down in hopes to calm him down a bit.
“Is he gonna be okay?” Chris asks and you're glad he did because you want to know too. Buck looks at him again and nods. “Your Dad is tough. He's a fighter.”
“He's with the doctors now? The ones that fixed you?” Chris inquires and Buck nods. You see the conflict on his face before the ten year old nods, “Then he's gonna be fine.” You hum and Buck glances your way before focusing back on Chris. Just as he's about to say something his phone pings twice and he looks down at it.
Over his shoulder you see the message as well, stemming from Bobby.
Out of surgery. Doctors say it went well.
Your heart basically drops in relief and Bucks seems to as well when his phone drops from his hand and he pretty much caves in, dropping his chin to his chest as he sniffles and exhales deeply.
You thread your hand in his hair and he automatically leans into you, resting against your stomach as he starts to cry. His hands grasp at your hips before his arms wrap around you and he sobs.
“Shh, it's okay, baby. Eddie's gonna be fine. Right, Chris? Your dad's strong.”
The young boy nods and you smile assuringly as he reaches out and wraps his arm around Bucks shoulders to pat his back. You melt at the sight and ruffle his hair which he usually doesn't like - only his dad is allowed to - but now he just looks at you with worry and confusion.
“How about you go and get ready for bed, hm?” It's not a question and it is a reasonable time for him to head to bed anyway, so he complies and slowly walks to the bathroom.
When he's out of earshot you sit next to Buck and let him fully wrap his arms around you and put his head on your chest as he cries. “H-He got shot right in front of me,” he starts with hitching breaths. “He just dropped and his blood was all over me-” he sobs deeply and you kiss his head while trying to process this yourself. He got shot?
“You couldn't have prevented it, love. He's gonna be fine. Eddie survived a lot, he's going to pull through this time, too.” Buck shakes his head and pulls back enough to look at you, blue eyes glossy and chin quivering as he gasps between another sob.
“It shouldn't have been him!” This devastates you and you cup his face in your hands, your worried expression replaced by a stern one. “It shouldn't have been anyone. Not him and not you, either. You hear me?”
He whimpers and you sigh, wiping your thumbs under his eyes and placing a long, soft kiss on his birthmark. “As soon as we can, we'll go visit him. But now you have to be strong, for Christopher. He looks up to you, if he sees you sad he'll be sad, too. Let's get him to bed, and I'll take care of you after.”
You take his hand and put it over your heart, exaggerating your breaths so he could match his and calm down. Right when he does he opens his eyes again and his frown fades enough to only be barely visible. “‘m sorry.”
The shake of your head is immediate, shutting up any further apologies. “No. It's good to let it out. I'm here so you can do exactly that if you need to. I love you, Evan. Nothing's gonna change that.”
He pulls his hand from your chest and tangles it with yours instead, gently kissing your knuckles and then your inner wrist.
He used to hate his name after it reminded him of his parents- of how they treated him. It reminds him of a life where he had to endure pain to receive love and attention.
But when you say it, it makes his heart beat faster in a good way. It makes him want to move on from his trauma or at least learn to deal with it.
And moreover it makes him feel validated. With you, he's not just Buck. He's also vulnerable, emotional and a bit cheesy. He's Evan. Evan, who's had more jobs in more cities than he can count on one hand because he was trying to find his place in the world. Evan, who likes the ocean but has been uneasy around it ever since the tsunami.
You smile lovingly and peck his forehead just as Chris comes back inside. He's wearing some dino pajamas and you ‘ohh’ at him which makes him giggle and turn as if to show off his outfit.
You move up from the bed - Buck going with you and standing at the foot of it - and untuck the bedsheets. “Get in there.” Chris grins and lays down, letting you tuck him in.
“Don't be sad, kid.” He says to Buck, who tries and fails to hide a new round of tears building up in his eyes. You had no clue where and why Chris sometimes calls Buck or even Eddie ‘kid’ but both of them seemed to love it.
“I'm just a bit worried for your Dad. But he'll be fine,” he adds the last part when you glance at him warningly, not wanting Chris to worry, and smiles. “Goodnight, bud.”
You leave his nightlight on and the door open as you leave.
Buck settles on the couch and watches as you approach and stand in front of him.
He leans back into the couch and looks at you with those puppy dog eyes that make you melt every single time he looks at you. Damn him and his beautiful eyes.
“I'm really scared. I don't know what I would do without him… when he laid there and looked at me, I-” he inhales sharply and looks at his hands, picking at his nails and reopening an old abrasion in the process.
You take his hand into each of yours to stop him and sigh, “I think you're gonna have to move from monthly sessions to biweekly, babe.” You know his therapy has been helping him a lot and you're glad he's working on coping with his trauma, but this addition is going to complicate not just his home life but also work - especially when Eddie comes back.
He groans and pulls you down until you're sitting on his lap, knees on either side of his thighs and his hands on your hips. “I appreciate your help, lovie, but just let me try and rest a little right now, please?”
You smile and card a hand through hair, moving to get off his lap so he could get comfortable on the couch. “Where do you think you're going?” He huffs and you're pushed onto your back before he's leaning over you, laying between your legs.
“You're gonna use me as your pillow?” You prompt and he nods, laying his head on your shoulder and nuzzling his nose into your neck and against your pulse point. You're familiar with his constant search for proof that you're alive and well; you supposed it comes from not just the job but his abandonment issues, too.
It didn't matter to you though, as long as you got to hold him at the end of the day you'd let him maneuver you into whatever way made him happy.
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q1ngqve · 4 months
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hi!! same anon here you dont have to take this as a request bc i just wanted to get this out of my chest yandere or at least obssesive averatio where both overstim the hell out of reader (lowkey mindbreak if you're comfy about that??) after reader rejects their advances NOT OUT OF HATE or anything but bc their insecurities got the best of them and either thought the two were just messing w them or they have abandonment issues (i do not have the second one whatever do you mean i am not projecting do not percieve me) no offense to these two but they look like the ppl to mess w your heart n leave you to rot
mb some predator/prey (they both hunt you down after you avoid them both and as ratio wisely said "what do you do with a cornered prey? hunt it to death" AUGHAHSGA) aphrodisiacs, drugging, etc. anyways after that you best bet you'll be too dumb to ever think of something as stupid as that, and sure, yes ratio hates idiots but well..... you will be the only exception given how cute you look all fucked out and broken on their bed with their cocks deep inside you <3
SKLDJALSDJAL HELP i feel awfully embarrassed w writing this lmao scuse me while i bleach my head.
i am very sorry this took so long </3 i wrote this as a fic at first but i lost motivation so now it’s just in the form of brain rot :(
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oh no :( poor reader with insecurities from your past relationships thinking every man out there is a liar, especially the two that gave their hearts to you :( running away from them is a smart move because we don’t trust men in this household!
but you forget how annoying they can be when it comes to getting what they want, and they want you (´▽`) so don’t be surprised when you find yourself feeling scared out of your mind walking home alone and feeling like you’re being watched! or when you find certain luxury items randomly appearing in your room! or the slightest hint of their cologne when you wake up every morning! because you asked for this by running away 😵‍💫
this was supposed to be holiday for you — coming to penacony, but the headache and blurry room before you has you panicking! you best know that no one is coming to save you when you’re running through the reverie hotel like a lost bunny when you receive a letter saying they’ll have you tonight! and if you think you had any chance of escape, you’re so wrong 😖
oh, and don’t let them know that you’re afraid, it only spurs them on! hunting you down through the corridors of the hotel is so adrenaline inducing for them <3 running shouldn’t be so hard though, so why do you feel as if your legs are going to give out any second? oh right, the drink! they probably drugged it, seems like something they would do
an exasperated gasp leaves you when you finally let your body fall, eyes closing, preparing for impact. and the next thing you know you wake up, hands tied above you to the headboard, your body completely bare. you’d struggle with all your might, soft whines sounding at the back of your throat when you spot the two of them hiding in the shadows, staring down at you with those bright, lust-filled eyes
oh, you’re so dead
your body feels like it’s on fire, desperately needing release, needing someone to touch you, anyone. your voice betrays you as whimpers leave you when they stalk towards you, their burning gaze not helping with the burning sensation.
you really did think you could escape! so why’re you here, tied and unable to move? tears fall as you lock eyes with veritas ratio, your fight or flight kicking in when he reaches out to caress your cheek, wiping the tears away. laughter sounds from aventurine on the other side of the bed, you’re just so naive! all he wants to do is to love and break you until you’re a sobbing mess beneath him 😵‍💫 so don’t blame him when he kisses you, he just can’t help it anymore, not when you’re already shaking when all they did was drug your drink and reveal themselves to you after months of stalking :(
the aphrodisiac is making you incredibly sensitive to their touch, which is perfect for them because that would mean hearing your sweet cries of pleasure! you best prepare yourself though, because they’re not stopping until you’re about to pass out 🧎🏻‍♀️ they haven’t had you for months, nobody is going to stop them from worshipping you, not even yourself.
you’ll be so overstimulated by the end of the night that even just innocent touches can have you whining and trembling like a leaf (^^)
“you really think you can run from us?” — veritas ratio
“who you knew you were so filthy, hmm? you wanted us to hunt you down, didn’t you? dirty, dirty girl.” — veritas ratio
“missed you so much, pretty girl.” — aventurine
“stop? now why would we do that? you’re clearly enjoying this. look at you, making such a mess on my cock.” — aventurine
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sweatervest-obsessed · 5 months
Note
hello !! rn i'm in the mood for some angst with a happy ending so can i request something where reader's got really bad abandonment issues? 🥹 maybe they fight over something which makes r leave ++ spence is confused bc it's so sudden n unlike them but it's all bc theyre scared he'll leave first n then it's just lots n lots of reassurance🥹🥹 thank you!!
Obsessed.
Thank you for the ask!!
So I wrote you this gorgeous 1k fic. I was so fucking proud of it. And then my computer deleted the WHOLE THING (which is why I am so behind on responding to this lmao). But. I rewrote as much of it as possible, and then changed and added a few things. So now it's better than before.
I really enjoy this version ,and I hope you do too!! so please enjoy!!!!!
WC: 1.5k
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader
TW: Anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, self-destructive tendencies, swearing, abandonment issues lmao
“What do you mean….”
You couldn’t look at him. How could you? I mean, leaving the love of your life because you know he could never love you back in the way you love him. He’d just leave anyways.
They all do.
You’re just trying to minimize the pain.
But why did it hurt so fucking much.
Which was why you kept your gaze anywhere but him.
“I-I-I—“ You kept your gaze on the ground. “I can’t do t-this anymore Spencer.”
“Can’t do what. Y/n you aren’t making any sense. What’s going on?”
You should you head. “It’s over. Spencer.”
"Y/n what are you..."
Looking at the ground, you began to fidget, something about his gaze on you was making he whole situation worse. Originally you were going to just send him a text and disappear for the rest of your life, but he came home early. He wasn't supposed to be home for another day.
"Spencer I-I." You flexed your hands, trying to find the right words. "It's done Spence. I can't.."
"You can't what?" His voice was a whisper. You could hear the heartbreak in his voice, but you wouldn't dare look at him. If you looked at him, you would cave and stay and he would take your heart in his hands and crush it to dust.
But why did this hurt so much?
"What is going on Y/n. Talk to me."
You couldn't understand why he was being so caring. Why was he so fucking perfect. It felt like a sick joke that the universe gave you this perfect man, and then put the sinking feeling in your gut when it got too good. Like something was going to go wrong.
And you wanted to be ahead of it. Start the grieving process now before you got too deep.
It's too late for that anyways.
His voice was soft. He didn't move towards you. He didn't want to 'spook' you---he knew you so well.
You know him so well.
Clearly, whatever tactic you had tried to employ when he came home, wasn't working, so you decided to shift. You shifted to the anger resting in your gut. The hot and heavy coals that burned through your skin and made you seeth with anger.
"Y/n, please, look at me."
You couldn't. And he fucking knew that too. You stormed past him and towards the bedroom.
Spencer was speechless, completely unsure as to what was going on.
When he arrived home you had been shoving things into your suitcase, but then when you saw him you froze up and started to try and break up with him.
"Talk to me. What is going on?"
You ignored him and started to pull clothes out of their respective drawers and onto the bed you two shared. It was hectic, and aggressive. You were slamming things, stomping--anything to hide the slight tremor in your hands, and make you seem bigger than you were.
"Y/n!"
His voice made you jump but it didn't stop you. You took the pang of guilt in your stomach and tried to twist it into the anger you so desperately tried to justify.
Spencer slowly moved over to you and tried to take you hand.
"NO." You threw the small pile of clothes you had just taken from the closet on to the ground and pulled away quickly. "No Spencer god. Wh-what don't you fucking get. We're done. It's over."
Spencer rarely heard you raise your voice, let alone yell, and definitely never at him. But you weren't even looking at him.
You fucking hated it when he profiled you. It made your skin crawl when you felt his eyes roaming over you. "Look at me."
His voice wasn't hateful. It wasn't angry. It was soft, understanding.
God why did he have to make this so fucking hard.
"Y/n..."
"Spencer. Stop."
You felt the moment he realized what was happening in your brain., You weren't the easiest to read, but you weren't exactly a closed book either.
"Look at me."
You looked up and made eye contact with him, hoping that the last part of your will would hold strong, and get you through this.
Spencer's eyes were filled with worry and disbelief. You saw the swarm of emotions as he locked eyes with you. But behind all of the disbelief and concern and love and pain was fear. You could see the pain he was so desperately trying to hide from you.
You know him so well.
Spencer could see the straight fire in yours. They were lit with a facade of anger and pain and hatred. But you could never hate Spencer. Never. And he saw right through it. He could see the panic in your eyes. The pure terror and pain.
You hated that he knew you so well.
"Y/n..."
He took one step forward, not trying to corner you, but trying to get closer to you. You took one step back.
"No." You shook your head.
"Please just talk to me."
Fuck him. Fuck him and his stupid wonderful voice and his kind eyes and his love and the way he knows exactly how you take your tea in the morning and all of your favorite books and why you love the 2005 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice so much and what animals you wanted to have one day and why you hated spiders and the ocean so much and which museums and monuments you had on your bucket list. Fuck this man for loving you so hard, and making you want to spend every single moment of your life with him.
"I-I--" and fuck him for making your voice crack. You took another small step backwards.
"Please." Another step forward.
This time, all you could do was shake your head and break eye contact. You were tensing up the closer he got to you.
"Y/n."
"N-No" You chooked on your own voice. A single tear broke through and slide down your cheek.
"Baby please..." Another step. "Just talk to me. What's going on?"
That was the final straw for you.
The dam broke, and tears poured down your face. You let out the most heartbreaking sob that Spencer could have never imagined.
His arms were quickly around you, catching you and bringing you both down to the floor, where he held you against his chest.
You shook your head and tried to escape from his grasp, but he just held on tighter to you, not letting you go. Spencer could never let you go, he just didn't know how to tell you that.
Through your tears, you started to hyper ventilate. Spencer wouldn't let you leave his arms. It felt like a boa constrictor. You couldn't breathe.
You started to panic, not taking in as much air as you should, causing your head to get dizzy. You tugged on Spencer's arms as he tightened his grip on you, determined to keep you safe in his arms while you got whatever it was out of your system.
You screamed at him to let you go. He didn't respond, only holding you against his chest and you angrily slammed your hands against it.
Why was he so fucking perfect. Why couldn't he just let you leave and walk away.
Fuck.
Once your breathing had started to even out a bit, Spencer adjusted the two of you, still on the ground, so that you were straddling his lap with your arms around his neck.
Surrounding you was all of your clothes thrown about, and your suit case barely filled with anything.
He didn't say anything, just continued to rub his thumb against your hip, letting you come down from whatever sort of panic you just went through.
He held you close to his body, deciding in that moment to never let you go, ever.
You felt the world slow down. Time melted beneath you as the sun rose and set, the moon waxed and waned, The leaves browned and fell of the trees, and the earth stopped spinning at the end of time and all of the stars had died out. The world had stopped but you were still in Spencer's arms.
"I don't know..." He whispered in your ear, and the world started to turn again. "What just happened in your head--"
You tried to speak up but he just shushed you gently. "But we don't have to talk about it until you're ready."
You nodded.
What did you do in this world to deserve this man?
"Why don't we make some tea?" He whispered, and you just nodded again, holding onto Spencer as if the floor was going to give out and cause you to fall through the pits of hell and judgment, away from one another.
Neither of you went to move, finding peace in one another's arms.
While Spencer truly had no idea what just occurred, or why it occurred, he was still sitting here with you. And while you owed Spencer an apology and an explanation, he was still sitting here with his arms wrapped around you, kissing your shoulders.
Spencer Reid was going to stay with you for as long as you'd let him, and he would do anything to get you to see that, even if it meant sitting on the floor of your shared bedroom, holding you until the stars burned out and the world stopped spinning.
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ohbo-ohno · 7 months
Note
I’m feral and need more of your a/b/o thoughts. Like I need to know your thoughts on alpha!141 snatching omega reader to keep for themselves
yknow i was gonna say that i haven't touched abo in forever, but then i remembered the gaz thing i just posted the other day lmao
(btw i wrote alpha 141 here but i think abo poly 141 would have alphas price/ghost and betas soap/gaz. probably. maybe. idfk.)
cw for noncon and kidnapping below the cut
i find poly 141 x reader really difficult to write outside of porn, since there's already so many interesting dynamics in regular poly 141. i have a hard time adding in a FIFTH element, yk? especially when that fifth element has to be a reader insert instead of some sorta OC or smth
anyway, i think the best dark poly 141 x reader idea is basically reader being used as a sex toy for the guys. like, she's there for them to relieve their stress in. but in an abo au i could totally see them using her as an element of softness in their lives. with 4 alphas in one home, you need an omega to soften things up a bit
and there you are. soft and sweet and small (compared to them at least) and just so perfect. you're the unlucky bastard who happens to smell appealing to all of them, and you're whisked away before you really even know it
they'd have to be sneaky, probably. you'd have a positive reaction to their scents too, so maybe johnny or gaz gets you to go on a date with one or both of them and then kidnaps you. maybe price or ghost just grabs you one day. something like that, i think, but there's much higher angst potential is kyle and/or johnny lulls you into a false sense of security first (and you know i love a good betrayal)
they'd push and prod at your instincts to force you into a heat before anything else. lock you in their den (soon to be their nest) and surround you in their scents, make low purrs to convince your instincts that you're safe
and as terrified as you are - and oh boy, are you - there's only so much you can actually fight your instincts. lets say you're either not on heat blockers, or maybe the blockers are weak, but for whatever reason you're very susceptible to all of their little pushes
they've got you knotted and mated by the end of the week
it's odd, coming up from that heat. your neck aches all the way around, to the point that it's painful to even turn your head. despite the unfamiliar room, your brain screams at you that you're safe, that you're in your nest.
it doesn't take long to put together the pieces. it also doesn't take long to become very very upset
thing is, it's too late to do anything now. you can't break a bond, and they're not giving you any opportunities to get away. you're stuck with these alphas who have performed the greatest invasion possible on your body and soul. it's crushing
cue lots of attempted comfort. soap and gaz would be the softest with you, always trying to tempt you into realizing how good it is to be with them. soap is rougher when he fucks you, but they're both equally soft outside of that. they bring you nesting materials, constantly make sure you're covered in their scents, and bicker over who gets to cuddle you on the couch
ghost isn't willing to coddle you. he's sweet (in his own right) but he's not nice. he doesn't try to make you feel better - you're meant to be with them, why should he apologize for making it happen? all they did was skip the courting process, this is always where you were going to end up. he refuses to apologize for that. but he also doesn't want you miserable. he holds you close at night, soaks with you for long hours in the tub, and is always making sure you clear your plate
price is... weird. i'm never sure if i should make him the meanest or a softer kidnapper. because i could absolutely see a version of price whipping your ass raw every time you scream at them and call them names, but i can also see a version of price who just levels you with a disapproving stare and locks you in a small dark space when you get like that
regardless, they all smother you. you help balance out their dynamics a bit more, but they're always fighting each other for your attention. especially with the bond making it so they always know what you're feeling. and your instincts scream to trust them (and you can feel their emotions too, know that they really meant for the best, as sick and twisted as it is).
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lincolndjarin · 9 months
Text
Best Kept Secret
chapter twenty four : lunar interlude : riduur
ao3 link ✿ series masterlist ✩ main masterlist ✧
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pairing : bodyguard!Din Djarin x afab!princess!reader
rating : 18+ mdni
word count : 7.8k (at last, a normal chapter length)
summary : din is so in love it's obscene at this point, keep it in your chest man (it being his heart.)
warnings, etc. : language, fluff, smut, this chapter is a sappy nightmare,,, like i've got one last chance to be sappy before i need to do my action packed finale so this is just me being sappy, din djarins so in love it makes me sick, fingering, p in v, clit stim, reverse cowgirl, creampie, cockwarming, massages, just general happiness like why are these idiots so happy what is their problem
a/n : WOOF this took a fucking WHILE to get out, and for those who waited, prepare to be UNDERWHELMED lmao. this is the last chapter before the final arc of the story and i was feeling rather sentimental while I wrote it. anyhow,,, i have a million excuses for why this took so long but like who cares cause it's here now yippee!!! as for every chapter i've ever posted i have no idea if i like this or not so there's that, i kind of hate this one the way i hate every lunar interlude, like i've never written a din pov and felt good about it lmao so i guess we'll see. comments and reblogs are appreciated <3
He doesn’t deserve this.
How could he possibly be deserving of you? Yet somehow you make him feel as if he is. With your soft touch and the way your eyes get just a little bigger when you see him. 
He’s going to ask you to marry him.
Is that something he can do? 
Technically of course you don’t really consider yourself married as far as he can tell. Sure you have a husband but that’s all he is, a husband. 
An obstacle. 
The two of you could still be married. 
And you wanted to leave this place. So he was going to give you exactly that. 
A home, far away from here. 
He pulls you into the cabin, wanting nothing more than for you to see the smile on his face. Of course you won’t let him do that much to his confusion. 
Maybe if you’re married to him you’ll look. 
The longer you wait the more nervous he gets about it. 
A lot can go wrong with this kind of thing. 
Very specifically, you could just not find him attractive in the slightest, which wouldn’t be great all things considered. If that happened maybe he could just live with the helmet on and you’d be okay with that. 
“Do you want to sleep here tonight or go back to the castle?” You look exhausted as he asks, he practically carries you towards the bed. 
“Here’s fine.” You look too tired to walk back anyway. 
He drags the mattress off of the busted frame, setting it on the floor. You seem surprised that he didn’t have a bigger reaction to your love confession. 
He did the first time you’d said it a few days ago. 
After the first day stuck in your room, you had said it that night. All you had wanted to do that day was fight and he hadn’t been able to give you even that. He knew you were right. It was stupid to stay. 
Even if things are okay now. 
You had said his name so clearly with such urgency that he believed you might be about to start another argument in the middle of the night.
“Din?” You had grabbed the front of his shirt and it wasn’t until he’d tried to talk to you that he’d realized you were still asleep. 
“Are you okay, sarad?” He sat up and cradled your head in his hands but you’d only held on tighter as you mumbled in your sleep.
“I love you.” And just like that you were collapsing back in his arms, still asleep as if nothing had happened. 
He hadn’t cried like he did that night since the kid left. 
And it didn’t matter when you didn’t say it back in the morning. (Despite the fact that he had said it quite a bit.) You loved him and he knew it. And he had made sure to show you just how much he loved you on that second day. 
He grins as you sit down on the bed with a yawn. He takes it upon himself to kneel beside you, unlacing the back of your gown. You have no resistance as he helps peel the rain soaked fabric from your skin. 
“Let me get you a change of clothes.” He leaves you to get out of the rest as he finds you a simple set of sleep wear. You let him redress you until he finally lays you down and stands, going to change out of his own wet clothes. 
When he steps out of the fresher you’ve turned the lights off he's in a clean flight suit with his helmet on as he slides under the blankets with you. 
“Warm enough?” The cabin feels colder than the castle as he pulls you closer. 
“I’m perfectly comfortable here.” Your voice is heavy with sleep as he rests his chin on the top of your head, beskar bumping against your hair. 
“Get some sleep.” He mumbles, not bothering to close his own eyes. 
“You promised you’d eat the candy.” You whisper into the darkness, you sound  barely conscious. 
“I did not.” At least he’s pretty sure he didn’t, he’s realized at this point that if he says anything with enough confidence you usually believe it. 
“You alluded to it.” You’re right, he probably did. 
“Do you really want to see the damage I would do after eating that thing?” He’ll never do it. In all honesty he’s a little nervous he’ll accidentally hurt you.
“A little.” You flip over in his arms so you’re facing him now, when you look at him he finds himself falling victim to the pleading look in your eyes. Damn nightvision. 
“Go to sleep.” He has to close his eyes, if he stares at you too long he’ll give in despite his own worries. “I love you.” He murmurs. He needs you to know it. 
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” You laugh softly before going silent. 
It only takes a few more minutes before your breathing gets quiet and steady against him. 
When he’s certain you’re asleep he reaches over to turn the lamp back on. You’d think with how often he does this that you’d have seen his face on accident at some point but maybe he’s just really lucky. 
He likes to look at you without the helmet on.
It’s fine with it, but nothing compares to seeing you without the barrier. Sometimes, if he’s still wearing the helmet and he takes it off you smile in your sleep when the airlock hisses. But since you’re insistent on not looking he doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to really look at you. So he does it on nights like these. 
You get so sleepy after sex. 
So he gets to hold you, and watch how your eyes flutter open the tiniest bit when he can’t help himself and kisses your cheeks until he can bring himself to sleep. Or how you mumble back to him when he whispers things to you in Mando’a. 
Most importantly you look less worried when you sleep. You always look so worried but not when you’re like this. There is plenty to be worried about so he can’t hold it against you. 
He’s going to build you a house someday. And he’s going to give you a garden. 
So you can go outside and look at the flowers whenever you want. 
And you won’t ever have to worry again. 
With a soft hiss of air he removes his helmet, setting it somewhere in the sheets as he looks at you, unburdened. He likes the way your lips part just a little bit as the corners of your mouth lift. 
He leans forward, pressing a kiss to your cheek before rolling over to rest his head on your chest so he can feel you breathe until he falls asleep, it helps him to match your breathing. Your hands hold him, even in your sleep you run your hands across his back and shoulders. One time you had a nightmare and you pulled his hair so hard you’d woke yourself up. But he’d never complain, it’s one of his favorite things about you. You love him even when you’re sleeping. Like right now, your nails lighty scratch at the nape of his neck. 
It helps him sleep.
When he wakes up he’s got a blanket thrown over his head and you’re already up, sitting at the table.
“You fell asleep without your helmet on.” He hears you grumble. 
“Sorry.” He chuckles as he searches for it in the mess of sheets only to find you’d set it on the floor beside him. Once it’s properly in place he finds you reading. He stands behind you, looking over your shoulder. 
“How did you find that?” He tries to grab the translation book but you swat his hand away. 
“You said we had no secrets.” Your eyes are scanning the pages. “Ner means mine.” You grin up at him as you say it. 
“Yes, it does.” He stares right back down at you. 
You lean backwards, grabbing the front of his shirt. 
“Ner.” 
Would you think less of him if you knew how often his face turned red when you spoke to him like that? A few weeks ago that kind of worry would drive him mad, but now? He knows you wouldn’t mind, knowing you'd probably feel accomplished to get such a reaction from him. 
“Gar serim.” You’re right. He murmurs back before getting your things together, listening to the sound of the pages frantically flipping behind him as you look for the words.
When you find the page you give him a dopey smile 
He suddenly remembers something, going to the fresher and searching through last night's wet clothes he finds the vial, bringing it to you, you don’t need any instruction from him as you pop the cap off, drinking the contents before setting it aside. 
“What do you want to do today?” He holds up the scraps of your dress, trying to decide if it’s even worth putting back on. 
“I’m a little tired, maybe we could read today.” You turn just in time to watch him toss it back on the ground. 
“Sounds perfect.” This will give him some much needed time to think.
He has a plan for today. There are a few things that he needs to get done before he leaves.
Like tell you that he has to leave. 
Of course he doesn’t want to leave you, even if it’s only going to be for a few days, but he wants to do this the right way and to do that he needs to leave. 
Just a few days. And then he doesn’t have to leave you ever again. 
And he needs to get away from you long enough to make the failsafe he knows you don’t want. You’re always together at this point, (not that he would have it any other way.) so it won’t be easy to find time away to do it but he’ll figure it out. 
“We should get going.” He’s pretty sure he has everything he needs and you need to be back in your room before any staff might notice you’re gone. 
“But  I wanna keep doing this.” You give him your sad eyes as you gesture to the book and he’s already ready to give in. 
“You can bring that to the library.” He groans and that’s all the convincing needed to get you on your feet. He manages to get you back to your room just before the girls arrive. He stands where he’s expected to stand out in the hall. It’s the only time he really spends away from you. 
When the door opens he instinctively stands up a little straighter.
They put you in a white dress. 
A pretty white dress. 
Did you know what this would do to him? 
You can’t possibly know the effect this kind of thing has on him, if you did you wouldn’t put him through this. 
“Ready?” He says as he peers at the translation book still happily tucked under your arm.
“Of course.” He’s mesmerized by your gown, it’s simpler than the ones they normally do you up in, white fabric flowing off your shoulders down to the floor, as you walk it trails behind you a bit. It’s a familiar quiet as he walks you to those large wooden doors, opening them as you rush inside. 
“What do you want to read today?” You’re searching around the shelves, you’ve already set your own reading in the nook. 
“Surprise me.” He won’t be reading today anyway, he needs to plan. 
“Here.” You hand him a book on speeder maintenance, normally he’d be thrilled to spend the day reading the sort of thing but he really should just take today to think. 
He sits first. Leaving space between his legs for you to sit which you happily do. Once you’re settled he opens his book, pretending to read as he lets his mind focus on what's important. 
Starting with the part where he tells you he’s leaving.
Or that he’s decided rather recently that he needs to leave.   
He should just do it now, get it out of the way so it stops bothering him, especially because he’d like to leave as soon as possible, but you seem so relaxed right now and he’d hate to ruin that. 
So he’ll focus more on the trip itself than the telling you part. 
It should only take a few days. A quick trip to the forge and back. 
He’s pretty sure he’s found out where the convert currently is. He doesn't have as much free time as he used to so it took a little outside help, seeking out old colleagues until finally hearing word of an outer rim planet where they might be located. He’ll catch a transport ship there, take care of what needs to be taken care of, and be back to you before he knows it. 
Then you can plan your life together. 
He would love to just bring you to the forge with him, go from there and never look back. That would be ideal. To get you out of here as quickly as possible. But that’s not possible, if he’s gonna go this he’s gonna do it right, so he’ll plan everything down to the last detail to make sure that it’s as safe as possible. If he’s being realistic he knows you’ll have to do something drastic, probably along the lines of faking your death. 
Will he have to kill Kodo? 
He’d like to. 
He’s wanted to kill Kodo for some time now, he’s just a little worried you’d be mad, you were so mad when he hit him. 
He never wanted you to be that mad at him ever again. 
So maybe he won’t. 
That would be the easiest way to get you out though, to be fair. Kill Kodo and run, and deal with the consequences after. He’ll hide you away somewhere until things die down and then he’ll build you something permanent. A home for the both of you. 
He could also just whisk you away into the night one of these days. 
He honestly isn’t sure how long they’d look for you, the last thing he’d want is for you to have to live a life on the run, he wants for the both of you to be able to settle. If it was clear he had taken you it would be deemed a kidnapping, it would be a long search, how long would they look if they believed you just ran away? He doesn’t talk to other staff members enough to know how seriously the royal family would take such a thing. 
Faking your death would probably be the easiest thing. 
No one comes looking for you. 
He isn’t entirely sure how you’ll handle that suggestion but if you’re serious about starting a life together it isn’t going to be easy. 
“I’ll be right back.” He stands, and you immediately give him a confused look, he never gets up and leaves, but he’s just realized that you’ll need to be taken care of while he’s gone. Who will protect you when he’s away? He definitely doesn’t trust anyone here to watch over you, Elaine would be his first choice but she’s busy when she isn’t tending to you and in all honesty he isn’t sure what she would do if something were to happen to you. 
So he’ll have to go with someone who he knows is available to watch you and who he’s certain won’t harm you. 
You aren’t going to be happy with his choice. 
When he steps out into the hall he calls his name, a few moments later Leo appears, he already seems reluctant, Din never summons him but this is important, and he doesn’t have any other options. 
“I’m leaving, tomorrow, I have to take care of some things, Kodo said it would be fine for me to take time off when I took the job.” Tomorrow. Well that’s settled then he supposes. The twi’lek trembles under his gaze, clearly unsure as to where he’s going with this.  
“While I’m gone you will watch her.” Din adds on at the end, Leo looks clearly unhappy with this arrangement as he stumbles back a bit. 
“Me?” 
“I won’t repeat myself. You will watch her, you will make sure she doesn’t leave the castle when I am gone. If somebody tries to get near her, you stop them, if somebody tries to hurt her, you will stand between them, if she gets hurt you will feel whatever pain she feels tenfold upon my return. If she so much as gets a papercut while she’s reading in the library there will be repercussions.” He straightens his posture to make himself the tiniest bit more imposing over Leo. “Is that understood?”
“Yes, you’re understood.” Based on the fear in Leo’s eyes he’s certain he may have gone a little overboard but he’d rather be safe than sorry. 
“Good.”
That’s taken care of. 
Once Leo is gone, disappearing down the hall, he opens the door, slipping back into the library where you’re standing in the entryway.
At least he doesn’t have to figure out how to tell you. 
“You’re leaving.” You say it like it’s a fact. Which of course you now know it is. 
“Yes.” No sense in hiding it. 
“And you just weren’t going to tell me?” He definitely should have told you. 
“I was just about to tell you.” He hates when you look at him the way you are now. Like you can see right through the steel, like you know he’s lying, like you can see the guilty expression on his face. “I was going to tell you soon. I have to go take care of some things.” 
“Take me with you.” You say it more like a demand and less like a request. He probably should have seen that one coming, even if he wasn’t going to get something to surprise you with he probably wouldn’t be allowed to take you off planet. 
“I wish I could, sarad, but I have to go alone, I’ll only be gone a few days.” Kriff, he really should have told you sooner. 
“Where are you going?” You cross your arms in front of your chest. 
“I… can’t tell you.” Not a great excuse, he knows that. 
“If I’m being honest I don’t love the sound of that.” He can’t blame you, if your roles were reversed he wouldn’t just let you go. 
“I know but I need you to trust me, I’ll only be gone a few days.”
“And you absolutely have to go?” You sound less mad and more upset now. If he wasn’t leaving to do something for you, your expression alone would be enough to make him stay. 
“Yes. He says it like he’s confirming it for himself. 
“I’ll miss you.” All the anger has left your voice, now you just sound sad. 
“I’ll miss you.” More than anything. 
“When will you be back?” 
“I’m not sure exactly, I won’t be long.” Unless he can’t find the convert, but you don’t need to know that part. You nod and he’s a little surprised at your acceptance of all this. “I have to leave in the morning.” A deep frown settles on your face. 
“So soon?” He really should have told you sooner.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. If you have to then you have to.” You give him such a sad smile, he wishes he didn’t have to go but he wants to do this right. 
“Can you stay here, I’ll come get you in a few hours.” He cradles your face in his hands, wishing he could wash away any of your doubts, but now that you know he should probably go get ready. “I have to go pack a few things, I’ll be back before dark, okay?” 
“And then you’ll stay with me the rest of the night?” And every night after. 
“Of course.” 
“Okay then, hurry back.” 
This will also probably be the only chance he gets to make that fail safe.  
He lifts his helmet a bit to plant a kiss on your forehead before leaving you, watching as you instinctively close your eyes as he does. There isn’t a lot of time for him to do what he needs to do before you’ll be expecting him so he gets back to the cabin as quickly as possible.
He’s quick with everything, packing his bag with only the essentials and tossing the empty box down before finally sitting down at the table. 
Now to write the note. A letter with instructions on what to do if something ever happens to him. 
He doesn’t like the idea of you being left alone with your husband. The thought of it makes him sick. 
If another body guard were hired they wouldn’t protect you from him. 
Maybe he should ask Elaine to help you if that happens. 
She could get you out. 
If he wasn’t here he would want you to leave as quickly as possible, to go somewhere safe. He lists out all the places you could go, names and coordinates of people who can keep you safe at the mention of his name. He spends a solid hour staring at that piece of paper, writing out anything he’d want you to know before folding it up and setting it in the box. 
With that taken care of he kneels on the floor, feeling around until locating the familiar loose board under the kitchen table. 
He’d found it a week after moving in and it seemed like a perfectly good spot to hide things. He’s got a collection of things already set aside for you, he pulls each item from its hiding spot, putting them into the box before holding up a small chainmail shirt. He retrieves the stick shift knob from the shelf, wrapping it in the shirt and putting it in the box. 
In his note he’s left you with a task, to give those to the kid, and to tell him that he’s sorry. 
Lastly he fills a bag with credits, about a month's salary, you should be able to buy yourself a ship if you want, he isn’t sure if you’d know how to fly it but with the money provided you can pay someone to fly it for you. With that he sets the box under an extra flight suit in his bag before returning to the castle, on his way out the door he grabs the few bars of beskar he has. 
You’re right where he left you in the library, your brows furrowed as you stare at that damn book, he should have hidden it better. 
“Wanna go get some dinner?” You look up when he speaks, holding his hand out which you gladly take as he pulls you towards him. 
“We can do that. You’re all packed?” Thankfully you look less upset than you had earlier. 
“All packed.” He drops your hand as he opens the door, following you as you walk to the kitchens. He watches the way the back of your dress just barely drags along the stone floors as you ask for two dinners, handing his to him to carry with a smile as you continue to walk.
When you arrive back at your chambers you’re quick to lock the door, he watches as you rush to the closet, already sitting with your back to him when he steps inside, dim lamp light illuminates the room as he sits, his back brushing against yours as he listens to the sounds of your eating. 
What he wouldn’t give to eat face to face. 
He can’t remember the last time he shared a normal meal with someone. He ate in front of the kid but he always kept the helmet on, it would have been years and years ago, maybe with his parents. 
He finds the latch for his helmet, tossing it aside, he’s already decided he won’t be putting it back on tonight, he chews his food thoughtfully. What would life look like with you after this place? He certainly wouldn’t want to eat dinner like this every night. 
Maker, why won’t you just look? Everything would be easier if you’d just look. He would abandon his creed entirely if that’s what you wanted. Instead he loves the one person in the galaxy who doesn’t want to look. 
“You’re being quiet.” You finally break the silence as he sits up a little straighter.
“I’m always quiet.” He murmurs. 
“You think I don’t know that? You’re being extra quiet, what’s wrong.” 
“Nothing’s wrong.�� He takes another bit as you lean back against him, resting your back on his as he hears you set your plate aside.
“You’ve been quiet all day.” Of course he has, he has to leave you tomorrow and you’ve been in a white dress all day. 
“I’m quiet every day.” He finishes his food quickly, reaching around blindly until he finds your plate, standing to set the both outside the room, when he turns around this time he faces you, kneeling on the floor behind you as he plays with the lace on the back of the dress, lining a series of buttons in a straight line down your spine. 
“You’re avoiding the point.” You snap at him but he just continues to trail his fingers across the intricate patterns of your dress.
“I’m just gonna miss you, that’s all.” 
“I’m gonna miss you too.” Your tone has softened.
“Want me to show you how much I’m gonna miss you?” He gives the back of your gown a teasing tug. 
“That might be nice.” You’re already reaching towards the lamp but he takes your hand, guiding it back into your lap. 
“Leave it.”
“Din…” You have a soft warning tone as he kisses your exposed shoulder. 
“Please, I want to see you.” He murmurs against your skin as he bunches up the fabric of your dress, pulling it up towards your hips. 
“But-” He’s quick to cut you off. 
“It’s fine, if you don’t look then you won’t see.” He swiftly unlatches his armor, setting it aside as he pulls you into his lap, his chest flush with your back. He turns to kiss your cheek, watching your eyes flutter shut as he does. 
He bunches up your skirt enough so he can see your thighs, pulling his gloves off so he can touch you, he likes the feeling of his skin on yours, how often does he get to have this? Only ever with you, not that he’d have it any other way. You’re just so soft, he likes the way you feel when he spreads your thighs a little wider, watching your mouth open a tiny bit as you inhale sharply. He’s already terribly hard, trying not to rut against your ass as he lets one hand dip between your legs, under your skirt, as the other one drifts up towards your chest, splayed out across your sternum to keep you in place.
He pushes your panties to the side, admiring the wetness he finds already there as he swipes his fingers along your seam. He tilts his head to the side, eager to watch your expression unburdened by his helmet as he pushes two fingers into you. 
Once he’s in your peripheral you close your eyes, leaving him to observe the way your mouth falls open as he gently slides his digits in and out, feeling you shift in his lap to grind against his palm. 
He’s fascinated by you, by the way you move in sync with him, with each movement of his hand you match it with a rock of your hips, or by arching your back.
“Din-” Your voice comes out as a high strangled cry that makes his cock ache against the fabric of his flight suit. 
“Go ahead, I wanna watch.” He mumbles as he presses his cheek to yours, staring down, mesmerized by the sight of you riding his fingers, his own mouth falling open as he feels your entire body tense up, feeling you clamp down on his fingers as you come. He keeps his fingers inside of you until your breathing evens out, once you come down from your orgasm he removes them, bringing them to his mouth as he uses his other hand to reach between the two of you, pulling his cock free. He stares down at the sight of himself against the pretty white fabric of your dress as he moans against his own fingers, stroking himself for a moment before popping his digits out of his mouth, grabbing your hips and lifting you a bit. 
He lets out a small groan as your hands reach down to line him up at your entrance, he lets go of your hips, letting you sink yourself down onto him, his hands wrapping around your thighs instead, squeezing the meat there with a pleased hum. 
You’re going at your own pace as he fights his own impatience, doing his best to not thrust up into you as he latches his mouth onto your shoulder, biting softly as you take nearly all of him, gasping his name the entire time. 
After another moment you’re fully sat in his lap, your breathing heavy as one of his hands moves from your thigh to your clit.
“Can you come again? Like this?” He rasps the words out against your skin, you nod as he begins to swirl his fingers in small precise circles, his moans match your own as he feels you slowly lift yourself off of him, your chest bouncing as you fuck yourself on him. 
Gods as his witness he’ll never wear his helmet again during sex. 
It’s just better to really see you like this, he can’t believe he deprives himself of this so often, the way your body trembles, the sounds you make, everything is simply better without the filters and the modulation. 
“Maker- Din!” Your strained plea snaps him out of his thoughts as he looks at your face, your eyes and nose scrunched up in frustration. “Please, fuck me, Din please.” You always sound so sweet, at this rate he’ll never be able to say no to you.  
He sits up a little to give himself more leverage, one arm wrapped around your waist to steady you, his other hand reaching behind himself to prop himself up as he thrusts up into you. His hips snapping up as he grits his teeth, a growl forming in his throat. He keeps you there for a bit, keeping up a brutal pace as he lets gravity do most of the work, bouncing you on his length, eventually relaxing after feeling your legs give out from under you. He sits back up on his knees, steadying you with both bands now, keeping you impaled on his cock as he leans forward, kissing up the column of your throat.    
“Kiss me, please.” He murmurs against your jaw, desperate for more of you as he lets out a low whine, wishing you would just look at him.
Your eyes shut as you turn your head to kiss him, he brings one hand up to your face, his other still on your stomach as he groans, rocking his hips upwards again. 
“You can look.” He pants, holding his forehead to yours as he stares at your face, contorted in pleasure as he pushes himself deeper into you, watching the way your eyes flutter a bit, never actually opening.
“I- I can’t.” You gasp out as he fucks up into you, short shallow thrusts, relishing in the way you take him, squeezing his cock with every rock of his hips, the way your face looks as he leans in for another kiss, quick and chaste, a sharp juxtaposition to how he’s fucking you, only pulling out in the slightest before slamming back into you. 
“You can, I want you to.” His voice is ragged and desperate at this point. 
“I will, just, not tonight.” 
“Ni vercopaanir gar Ru'kel haa'taylir.” I wish you would look. 
“I will, Din- I promise I will.” He’s sure you didn’t learn enough to know what he said but he’s still satisfied with that answer.
“Okay.” He kisses you again, swallowing your moans as he picks up the pace, pulling you down onto him as he rocks his hips upwards. He manipulates your body like it’s nothing, his hands holding you tightly enough to keep you upright as he continues to slam himself into you, you’re soaking his cock at this point as he muffles his grunts with your mouth. He knows you’re both nearly there, with the way your words become nonsensical. He turns his head to whisper into your ear. “Come for me, sarad.” He groans, his mouth falling open as a slew of filthy noises fall past his lips he feels you pulse around him, he frantically goes to pull out but you shake your head no, slamming your hips back against his and riding out your orgasm he watches you mumble, barely coherently. 
“In- Inside, Din.” 
You don’t have to tell him twice. You give him the sweetest cry as he bites down on your shoulder, he growls against your flesh as he releases the fire pooling in his stomach. 
“Bid jate- bid jate par ni.” So good for me. He mumbles against your shoulder.
He fucks his cum deeper into you with a few more sloppy thrusts before sitting back on his heels, staring at the ceiling as his chest heaves, letting you rest back against him as you go limp in his arms. 
Once he’s caught his breath he leans back, keeping himself inside you as he kicks his legs out. He swallows, still a little unsteady as you sit up, one of his hands wanders to you back, drawing a star there with one of his fingers. 
“Are you okay?” He whispers softly just before you lay back on top of him.
“Why do you do that?” He doesn’t stop you this time as you reach over and turn the lamp off, taking his hands and guiding him to turn the both of you onto your sides as his erection softens inside of you. 
“Do what?” He blinks, adjusting his eyes to the darkness and biting back a groan as you adjust yourself to put your hips flush with his.
“You switch languages, usually when you’re near the end, or when you say something kind.”
Oh.
He’s never really thought about that. 
“How did you know what I said?” He brushes a bit of hair behind your ear as he runs his hand down and up your spine slowly. 
“I asked my question first.”
“Fair enough. I guess it just happens, I’ve never really thought about why. I suppose it’s just another layer of armor, another way to conceal things.” You don’t respond, presumably thinking over his response. “Your turn, how did you know what I said?”
“I guessed.” Smart girl. 
“Of course you did.” He places a kiss against the back of your neck before resting the bridge of his nose there. “Do you wanna sleep like this?” He rocks his hips a bit to accentuate his point, drawing a gasp from you. 
“Yes, please.” You whisper back.
“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He smiles before closing his eyes, wrapping his arms around you, the last thing he feels before falling asleep is you intertwining your fingers with his. 
He wakes up before you, careful to leave you undisturbed as he reaches over to turn on the lamp, happy to just watch you for a few more minutes before he leaves. Watching the rise and fall of your chest. After a moment he realizes he slipped out of you while he slept.
He’s in no rush but he knows the moment you wake he’ll have to go so he stays still for a while, enjoying the morning quiet until your eyes slowly open, and you stretch your arms with a groan. 
“Good morning, sarad.” He says softly, kissing your shoulder as you shudder at the sensation. 
“You’re leaving.” You whisper to him.
“I am.” 
Much to his surprise you turn to face him, of course he realizes a second too late that your eyes are closed. 
“Be safe.” You murmur, taking his face in your hands before kissing him. Maybe this will be a happy morning despite his worries about going. 
“Always.” He gives you another kiss before sitting up, dressing himself quickly, looking over at you every so often only to find that your eyes are closed until you hear the soft hiss of his helmet. 
“I’m serious, you better be careful.” You sit up and face him as he kneels beside you.
“I will, I promise.” He holds your face in one hand. “Goodbye, sarad’ika.” You give him a radiant smile. 
“Ret'urcye mhi, cyare.” Goodbye, beloved. That’s what you’d been learning yesterday. He’s a little taken aback by the sound of those words leaving your mouth, his own smile forming. 
“Jate bora” Good job. 
He doesn’t tell you how poorly you pronounced each of those words, too infatuated to care as he leans down, lifting his helmet enough to kiss your forehead. 
“I’ll be back in a few days, okay?”
“Okay.” 
He uses his free hand to gently grab your chin, giving you one last kiss.
“I’ll see you soon.” Once he’s shut the closet door he slips the fail safe box under your bed. 
And just like that he’s out the door, on his way to the nearest shipyard. 
It goes surprisingly smoothly. 
He’s only gone for about four days, he gets lucky as far as transportation goes, managing to catch a cargo ship going directly to the planet he’s looking for. He doesn’t recognize it and in all honesty he isn’t sure he’s ever been there but he finds the convert easily enough.
It took a bit of convincing but he got what he needed from the armorer and just like that he was catching a ship back to you with two rings attached to a thin chain around his neck. 
He’s eager to see you immediately after landing but he’s filthy from the trip so he goes to the cabin first, shedding his armor and clothes before stepping into the fresher. He’d be lying if he said that he hadn’t started taking care of himself more after meeting you. 
He’d avoided mirrors all together until you. 
He’d shave when his beard got unmanageable. He’d cut his hair when it stuck out the back of his helmet. And that was it. 
And then you came along and suddenly he was staring at himself in the dingy mirror he’s in front of now. The first day he realized he wanted to impress you he spent hours in the cabin fresher, trying to even out his facial hair, and give himself something that resembled a respectable haircut. He needs another one soon, staring at himself now he knows he’ll need to shave before he sees you but he can probably go a few more weeks without a haircut. 
He’s pretty sure you like his hair long, even if you’ve never seen it, that’s the only reason he hasn’t just buzzed it all, the way he’d normally do it. You’re always touching it. 
So he cleans up his beard before stepping into the shower, he’s in a hurry, scrubbing away the days of travel and grime. He finds a clean flightsuit and dons his armor as quickly as possible, his hair is still wet when he puts the helmet back on. 
He makes a beeline towards the castle as the sun sets, the promise of you drives him forward despite his exhaustion. 
He checks the library first, finding the nook to be empty. He goes to your chambers, if his count is correct you would have had dinner with Kodo yesterday, so if you aren’t reading you should be in your room. He’s pleased to see a nervous looking Leo outside your door, his eyes go wide as Din approaches. 
He stops a few inches away from Leodall, looming over him. 
“Everything went smoothly?” His voice is low and husky. His professional voice. 
“Yes, of course.” He’s pretty sure Leo is too scared of him to lie so he gives him a curt nod of approval. 
“Then you’re dismissed, thank you.” He really is thankful, despite his dislike for the twi’lek. He watches him scurry away before hastily pushing your door open, stepping inside to find you there. 
You’re laying on your stomach, a book laid out on the bed in front of you. A look of anger crosses your face when you look up, assuming you’d find Leo in the doorway but once you see him you’re sitting up, rushing over to him and wrapping your arms around him. 
“I missed you.” You mumble against his chest plate as he returns your embrace.
“It was only a few days.” He laughs softly as you look up at him. He’s just happy to be with you again. 
“That doesn’t mean anything, I still missed you.” With the way you’re looking at him it’s a wonder he doesn’t get on one knee right now. 
Instead he can’t help it as he yawns, he’d been in such a rush to return to you he’d barely slept during his trip.
“Are you tired?” Your brows furrow in concern as he shakes his head no. 
“No, I’m fine, I’m just happy to see you.” He’s about to lift his helmet to kiss you, but you frown and pull him towards the closet. He isn’t entirely sure he’s going to be able to properly fuck you in this state but he’ll make it work. As you shut the door he starts taking off his armor and you turn to help him, carefully removing each piece until he’s in just his flight suit and helmet. You gently put your hands on his shoulders, pushing him down to the floor before kneeling beside him. He puts his hands on your waist and is a little surprised when you tenderly pull them away. 
“Lay on your stomach.” You tilt your head to the side and he’s about to argue but you click your tongue and point at the blankets. “I let you disappear for a few days with no questions, you owe me, now lay down. And take off your flight suit.” 
With a reluctant groan he does as he’s told, sliding his flight suit down to his waist, his confusion only growing as you straddle his back. His bewilderment vanishes though as he feels your hands kneading his shoulders. He’s about to flip himself over and tell you he’s fine but as he opens his mouth to complain you dig the heel of your palm into his back and instead a moan slips out. 
He doesn’t make much of a fuss after that, letting you methodically take care of the many knots and tense spots across his back. 
He turns his head to the side, closing his eyes as you hum a song to yourself, caressing and kneading every inch of visible skin until you’re satisfied. He feels you lean down, planting a kiss along his spine before climbing off of him and laying down beside him, he sits up with another rather embarrassing moan. He’s trying to flip you over to do you as you laugh, pulling him back down to lay with you. 
“You need sleep.” You once again catch him off guard as he feels your fingers on the helmet release, the kiss of air accompanied by the click of the lamp as you remove his helmet, kissing his forehead. 
“I missed you too.” He whispers into the darkness, realizing he hasn’t said it yet.
“I know you did, now get some sleep.” You pull his head down against your chest, squeezing his shoulder as you do. He really is exhausted, he hadn’t realized until he was reunited with you that he doesn’t sleep as well without you. 
“I love you.” He sleepily mumbles against your chest. 
No one takes care of him the way you do. Your soft hands continue to rub his back as he succumbs to sleep. 
“I love you too.” He feels another kiss on his forehead as he exhales the last of his energy. 
If he wasn’t so tired he probably would have proposed right then and there. 
Having the rings has made him a mess.
Anytime you do anything he just wants to ask. When you’d kissed him this morning, when you’d walked out of your room in a green dress grinning at him like you’d done it just for him, when you’d handed him the speeder maintenance book from before because you just knew he hadn’t read it last time. 
And right now, as you read like you always do, sitting beside him. 
Now more than ever he wants to ask. 
He had wanted so badly for it to be special. 
He was thinking of maybe doing it in the gardens some night, where he had kissed you for the first time. But you look exactly how he always wants you to look right now. 
Your face buried in a romance book with a smile dancing on your lips. 
Tucked away in the nook, safe from the world. 
“How much of the Mando’a book did you end up reading?” He plays with the edge of the page he’s on now, he’s been pretending to read again, unable to pull his focus from you. 
“The translation book? Not a lot.” He watches as you turn to give him a smile. 
“Do you know what riduur means?” He knows you don’t, but he can’t stop himself from saying it. 
“No, I don't think I learned that.” You close your book, staring at him curiously. 
“It means partner, or spouse.” 
“Oh. Okay…” Your eyes get a little bigger once he says that. 
He gives you a nod before looking back down at his own book, silently cursing himself out for not going through with it. He hadn’t realized that having rings made would make him fall apart every time he’s in your presence. 
You’re just so… perfect. Do you have to be so perfect? You learn his language and you respect him and you love him and you’re endlessly sweet. 
He just wants to keep you like this forever.
Safe and happy. 
That’s why he can’t help himself as he sets his book down, he fidgets with his helmet for a moment before turning off the modulator, he wants you to hear his voice without the filter, sitting up, he cradles your face in his hands. 
“Can I ask you something?” He whispers.  
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ratcash-wasgud · 5 months
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Hii! Okay, I haven't wrote anything since I was like 12, but I had to try again since I'm going insane because of this show. I have like...a very specific story in mind, so sorry if not everyone will be able to identify w the reader lmao. I'm gonna use she/her for both Mizu and the reader. Anyways, enjoy.
Like swimming in the sunset...
It was cold, and it was all Mizu could register at the moment. The last thing she remembered was falling into the icy river with Fowler, but after that...not much. She was swinging between un-and-consciousness for a while, and through all those moments, her teeth were clenched, and her face scrunched up into a frown.
The only thing flooding through her mind was...a period from her childhood. She was around 12-14 years old back then, still living with Swordfather, being sore everyday from training, learning how to hide her chest, the taste of roasted fish and...
Knock knock knock...
Swordfather only nudged towards the door in silence, and that was enough for Mizu to get up and open it. She expected another mountain like swordsman, here to ask for a sword made by Eiji's hands, but no. It was you... a little girl, soaked, tired, and probably about to freeze, in dirty clothes and covered in bruises.
"Grandpa Eiji...I'm looking for Grandpa Eiji." The little girl croaked out, her voice hoarse and quiet. Mizu just looked at the girl with wide eyes for a moment or two before stumbling away from the door, looking at Eiji with a slight panic and confusion in her eyes. Eiji just whispered your name which gave you a permisiion to run to him. You fell at his feet, sobbing.
Mizu was stunned. She just quietly closed the door behind you, keeping the roaring winter out.
"Grandpa Eiji...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I...I cannot go home." You sobbed, bowing your head to the ground. In response Swordfather hummed. He reached out to place his palm at the top of your head. "Please...I know it's so much to ask, but please...let me stay here."
"Calm down, Child." He said, his tone quiet, almost gentle, but he didn't say anything else for the following seconds, maybe even minutes. He then took his cane, and lightly tapped his teacup which was lying near. It seemed like you quickly understood, as you got up and started making tea withouth a word.
Mizu just stood there, near the door, taking in what just happened...Did Swordfather just get a new apprentice? Was she old news now? Will he kick her out? What will she do if he--
Her train of thought were cut off by Eiji ligtly tapping her head with his cane which earned a little "ouch" from her. "Why are you standing around? We will need wood to feed the fire." He says casually, and starts walking to the door. Mizu's eyes lit up a little, and she hurried after him to collect firewood.
Later that night, when after the tea was gone and the moon was shining ever so brightly, Mizu stared at your back as the two children sat on the porch, accompanied by the white scenery and the peaceful night.
"You are," Suddenly you spoke up, making Mizu almost flinch. "Grandpa Eiji's apprentice?" You ask quietly.
Mizu nods quietly and lowers her gaze, and in response, you send a small smile her way. You murmur your name then look at her expectingly.
"...Mizu." She says, still keeping her gaze down, but she ocassionally glances up at you, as if to check when you're attacking.
Then a silence falls onto the two children, both looking away, not sure how to interact with the other.
"Let's...try and get along." You finally say, offering another small smile, though, this time, it somehow reaches your eyes too.
Mizu huffs a little. "Yeah...like that's how it works." She then looks straight at you, her gaze sharp.
Your eyes widen, and you thin your lips. "I...I said try." You murmur and end it with a quiet chuckle, while looking into her eyes. "I don't want Granda Eiji to go through hardship because we argue." You says, tilting your head a little.
Mizu huffs again, turning her head away once more, but then, after another deafening silence... "Alright. I'll try." She says, glancing back at you, and she's met a with a smile. A sweet one at that. One that she herself never produced. She can't help but relax her tense shoulders, and let her jaw also loosen.
"Thank you." You says, and glance at the sky before you get going. She wants to say somethig too, but eventually she gets quiet as she sees you head inside.
The next couple days were spent with only a few words exchanged between the two children. You did the housework, like cleaning, making tea and preparing a meal, while Mizu helped Eiji with his work, getting firewood, and blending metals. Glances although were exchanged. Whenever Mizu looked your way, and you caught her, you simply offered a smile before you went along with what you were doing. You did that everytime, even if you never got one back.
One night, you stayed up later than usual, and caught Mizu training outside, alone. You kept quiet, and just watched in silence as she fell multiple times, but got back up again and again, and hit the bamboo poles harder each time. After she managed to slice every pole in half, and she stood there, panting, you clapped quietly. Mizu's head jerked back to see you, wearing that same sweet smile, and gently clapping.
"Why are you here?" She asked, looking away. "Here to mock me?" She asks, looking at the dirt on her shoes with an angry frown.
You're eyes widened in confusion then you shook your head. "That was really cool." You say softly. "You seem strong." You say, shifting your weight from one feet to another.
"I'm not strong enough." Mizu spats, and starts setting up new poles. You walked closer too, picked up some poles and helped her set them up. Mizu looked at you, squinting her eyes in confusion, but you just focused on the task ahead. "Why are you like this?" Mizu asks, snatching the pole from your hand. "You don't have to pretend. You don't have to play nice." She says, throwing the pole at you. "You see what I am! So go on, say what's on your mind instead of acting like you're not disgusted by a monster like me!" She shouts, a little louder than she intended.
Mizu felt frustrated, angry even. Back then, she herself didn't even know why. She expected you to to spit in her face, call her a dog then go on your day. That's all she knew, but she at least understood that...so this confused her. And her confusion lead her to anger. To try and defend herself against something that isn't attacking.
"I..." Your eyes widened once again, in shock and you took a step back. "I..don't think you're a monster." You say, gathering all your courage and balling your hands into fists at your sides. "I never once considered that! So don't go and make assumptions about me, like I never did about you!" You stomp your foot a little. "You're different, I can see that, yes...but you never onced attacked me, nor gave me a reason to fear you! You are just shut off! You're not a monster, you act more like a grumpy old woman!" You yell back, huffing, and storming away, like a child your age would.
That leaves Mizu...stunned. She stands there, wide eyes and her lips parted in surprise. She expected a lot of things but...that. You looked...hurt? Maybe that's the way to describe it, maybe frustrated, maybe even mad. She doesn't really know what to do with that, but deep inside, she feels a little...relieved. After you're out of her sight, she can't help but let out a small chuckle.
The next day, as you were cleaning a fish that you were planning to prepare for dinner, you heard quiet footsteps from behind you. You decided to pay no mind to it, as you were still a little frustrated from last night, and kept pulling off the scales from the fish with a knife, just a little more aggressively. Then, out of nowhere, a hand reached over your shoulder, placing a small piece of candy next to your hand. You looked at the candy as you wiped your hand in your clothes, then finally picked it up, and turned around to face Mizu.
She had her gaze lowered and her she was chewing on the inside of her cheek. You couldn't help but crack a small smile. Then you broke off half the candy, took his hand and placed it in her palm. Mizu's gaze perked up, and her blue eyes met yours as you popped your half of the candy in your mouth.
Mizu felt her chest thighten and it was like her blood started to flow faster through her veins. She clutched the piece of candy in her hand and agressively shoved it in her mouth. That drew a chuckle from you...a sound that tickled Mizu's ear. It confused her so much, but she decided not to care. She sat down next to you and watched you as you prepared the fish.
The days were much more pleasent after that. Mizu talked to you everyday, even if it was short, and only about how she can help, she tried. She even enjoyed the silence between you and her, when you two just stared into nothing together. It was nice not being alone. You even watched her train every night, and softly clapped everytime after she finished a move you'd call "cool". It made her feel warm. Not in a way that she'd feel next to a fireplace, but...in a way that it'd feel to swim in the sunset.
You never once spoke about why you suddenly appeared, but she never pried in exchange for you not asking about her past. And somehow, you haven't discovered that she is a woman yet. It was strange, growing so close to someone who she didn't know too much about, and someone who didn't know much about her but she felt like she knew enough. She knew how you prepared a fish, knew how you giggled when she got tapped on the head by Eiji, and the sound you'd make when it happened to you too. She knew the face you'd make when a blug landed on your face, and the one you'd make when you saw the flowers freshly blooming.
Mizu haven't even noticed when a couple years flew by, and you two started to grow up together. But, before either of you could reach adulthood...
Knock knock knock...
Mizu was helping Eiji with hammering a blade while you sat in the corner and tried to wash a stain out of one of Eiji's clothes. Withouth a word, you stood up to get the door, and you were greeted with...a tall man with a sword at his hip. A usual looking customer at this place, but when you uttered "...father?" Mizu's blood ran cold. The next thing she heard was a scream as he took your arm with force, and lifted you by it.
"So this is where you were hiding?" The man sneers, and Mizu can see Eiji's eyebrows scrunch up. She looks panicked, and reaches for a sword and starts to run towards the man, but is stopped imidately with a kick. She flies back, clutching her side. The man, as if paying no mind to her, turned his face back to you.
You were shaking with tears in your eyes. "Father...please..." But the man didn't care. And with that, the door shut closed...and you were gone. Mizu whispered your name in pain, before yelling it out. She felt...hopeless. You came suddenly, and you disappeared just as suddenly. She hated that. She finally found someone who would accept her, and a child her age too...someone with such a sweet smile...But she was too week to save you. Your scream echoed in her ears, and tears gathered to her eyes.
After so much time, Mizu cried again, for the first time in ages. Eiji just sat there, clutching his cane so hard his fingertips turned cold...but he stayed quiet, and just looked ahead. That night Eiji lit a icense stick and whispered your name, as if you were dead already. Mizu hated the feeling that took over her. It was just like when she saw the fire those years ago...Grief.
Mizu trained harder everynight, swearing that nothing like this would every happen again...when she turns out to be too weak. She trained until her palms bled, and until she couldn't stand anymore.
But why, were those moments flashing in her head again? Her eyes slowly fluttered open as your scream echoed in her head once again and she took in what's happening to her. She saw Ringo's back, as she was getting dragged on a wooden plank, with Taigen on her left. She saw Swodfather's house, and she heard his voice...and for a brief moment, he heard your voice too before she fell back into unconsciousness.
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nevvdrinksteaa · 6 months
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favors pt. i
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~~~
i think that this sounded better in my head, but i went ahead and wrote it anyways because i really couldn’t stop thinking about it. also kinda leaned into the horny vibe i was feeling, i’ve never written smut but i’ve read a lot and i think i could do it lmao
~~~
pairing: mike schmidt x reader
prompt: idea from sweet child o’ mine @macfrog (it’s amazing i suggest you read it)
you’re abby’s babysitter and mike can’t pay you just quite yet and he asks if he can do anything for you in return and you mention that you need a date to your brother’s wedding.
warnings: uhmm fluff, angst, suggestive content, i think that’s it, let me know if i missed something!
word count: 1.7k
PART TWO HERE
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Waking up from your uncomfortable position on the couch, you heard the rain pattering on the window. The cold air suddenly swarming your body as you woke from your slumber. You reach over and tap your phone on the coffee table, watching the screen light up and checking the time. 5:48 AM Mike should be home in about 30 minutes. You reluctantly decided to slowly remove the blanket, standing up and reaching your hands in the air, stretching your stiff body as much as humanly possible.
You decided to help Mike and start cleaning up the mess you and Abby made from your activities. You start picking up the crayons, markers, and pencils and place them in the pink basket you picked out for Abby hours before coming over, smiling at how she colored in the paper hearts that were stuck to the sides, picking up the loose paper and sticking it in a neat pile on the desk on the dining table for Abby to use when she wakes up. You walk directly towards the hallway, taking clothes from the hamper and starting a load of laundry. Softly chuckling to yourself about how manly the laundry detergent Mike picked out smelled, you filled up the cap with the green goop and threw it in the washer.
Mike walked through the door as you were finishing up the dishes, drying off the big bowls you and Abby used to make brownies. He kicked his shoes off by the door and placed his keys on the little hook above the light switch. He looked at you for a few moments, taking in how cute you looked dancing to the soft music that came from your phone, how pretty your hair looked slightly knotted from your nap on the couch, the shorts you were wearing creeping up your legs with every step you take.
Mike loved watching you, in the least creepy way possible. He adored everything about you, taking the little extra time he had to notice things he never had any interest in noticing in anyone else before. You were so different and he was so infatuated, interested in getting to know you, getting to know your interests, getting to know your body. He thought about you constantly, something about you made him feel like a teenage boy. He was deep in thought when you turned around, yelping when you noticed him staring at you.
“You want to take a picture? Some people say they last longer” you say smirking, crossing your arms at the brown-eyed boy.
He chuckled softly at your flirtatious comment, a light pink dusting spreading across his tired face, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. You were listening to music and didn’t hear me come in.”
“It’s okay, I was just finishing up some dishes, I didn’t think it would’ve been fair to leave you with the brownie mess” His ears perked up with excitement “You made brownies?”
He faked surprise, ‘Of course, you made brownies’. You were always doing extra things, it was his favorite thing about you, always doing the most and expecting nothing in return.
You grabbed a brownie for yourself before sliding the plate over to the pretty boy. You stayed leaning against the island, smirking to yourself when you saw Mike's eyes dart to your chest.
“Abby and I made them, she said that she wanted to surprise you when you got off work”
“I swear that kid is only nice to me when you’re here,” he said, partially to you and partially to himself.
Rolling your eyes “You know that isn’t true, she adores you”
“I would strongly disagree, She told me I was the ‘dumbest person ever’ when I told her she needed to eat more than just spaghetti and pizza”
“To her defense, she ate brownies today, that's more than spaghetti and pizza”
“I cannot believe you would rather agree with a 10 year old than me” He put a hand over his heart, sighing heavily to show he was hurt by your words. “I always knew you liked Abby more than me.”
You looked at him, eyes wide at his comment. “Sorry, I thought it was clear that I liked her more than you” you paused, for dramatic effect “I never tried to keep it a secret.”
He laughs grabbing a second brownie, and moving away from the kitchen island toward the couch. “You coming?”
“I could be” you winked, smirking at him. He shook his head, thinking of all of the ways and positions he really could make you cum.
You start to follow him, scolding yourself for flirting with him, staying behind for a few seconds to click the lid back on the Tupperware container.
You walk around to the left side of the couch, opposite to where Mike was sitting. After your comment, you got nervous, thinking you pushed it too far. You started noticing the quietness that suddenly arose and not knowing what to say to make things less awkward.
Mike was the first to break the silence, “How was she today?”
“She was good, I was able to pull her away from her drawings long enough to watch a movie. We watched Coco and the end made her cry, then she called me a monster for making her watch it and walked right back to the bedroom to color” You giggle at the memory of the evening you had with the younger sibling.
“Sounds like Abby” Mike sighed “At least she’s warming up to you enough to sit and watch a movie with you, I can’t remember the last time we sat down for a movie”
You grabbed his hand, noticing the sadness that started to form on his face. “You know she loves you, she talks about you constantly, you’re front and center of every one of her drawings. You’re her favorite person”
He smiled softly at your kind words, grateful to have you there to comfort him. “Thank you”
“Of course, that’s what I'm here for”
“Technically you're here because you babysit my sister, but it does make me feel good to think that you’re here only for me”
“Yeah yeah Schmidt, keep telling yourself that”
“Speaking of” Mike trailed off, “It’s going to be just a little bit longer before I can pay you, the new job doesn’t offer insurance so I have to pay for everything out of pocket and Abby was just sick-” You cut him off
“Mike you know I’m not worried about it” he sighed and you could tell by the look on his face that he was still bothered by not being able to pay her.
It had been three weeks since you started babysitting for Mike, coming early to help him make dinner before he leaves for work and staying late to get Abby dressed and feeding her before driving her to school so Mike could get more than an hour of sleep.
You enjoyed helping Mike and loved taking care of Abby, you were the oldest child in your family, so you were used to caring for people.
Mike hated it, it made him feel so guilty. He felt like he was taking advantage of your kindness, promising you every day that it would be only a little bit longer before he could pay you.
“You know, if you feel bad you could just repay me with a favor”
Mike perked up. His mind was filling with ideas of what could fall out of your pretty little lips. He would do anything you asked him to, make you dinner, give you a massage, eat you out for hours and hours. ‘God, why was he suddenly so horny?’
“What kind of favor are you thinking?” slightly squeezing his hand that was placed across your soft thighs. As soon as the words came out of his mouth he felt like a cheap whore, suddenly nervous that he was coming onto you so strong and you wouldn’t reciprocate.
“As tempting as this favor is,” you say placing a hand on his chest “I was thinking something else”
He was suddenly so embarrassed. He quickly pulled his hand away, placing it in his lap, and looking away from your beautiful face. You felt bad seeing a pitiful look on his face, hurting Mike’s feelings was the last thing you wanted to do.
“My brother is getting married in two weeks and I need a date.” He was ecstatic, pushing his horny feelings aside, he could picture it in his head; you two hand in hand, his tie matching your dress, sharing a kiss after your first slow dance-
“My boyfriend has a work conference and he has to be at” You have a boyfriend? “and my family is so annoying if I know if I come without a date, all they would do is tell me that I’m wasting my life away and I’m going to forever be so lonely and-” You have a boyfriend? How could he not know that?
“Mike, are you listening to me? If you’re uncomfortable pretending to be my boyfriend then I could always ask someone else”
“I’ll do it” Against his better judgment, he agrees, hoping that something could come out of it
“Really? Oh my god, thank you so much!” You lean over and hug him “You’re really saving my ass”
“Anything to help” he laughs, trying to make it seem like you didn’t just stab him in the chest with a casual mention of your boyfriend.
Suddenly, your alarm goes off and you pull away from the hug. Mike felt cold at the loss of contact.
“It’s 7:30, you should get to bed” you state standing up from your spot on the couch “I’ll get Abby ready from school so you can catch up on some sleep, I’ll text you the details of the wedding after I drop her off”
Mike watched as you walked away, feeling like he just got punched in the gut. You didn’t feel the way he did and god that was embarrassing. He never had time to even think about a relationship and the first time in a long time he does, the girl in question has a boyfriend.
Mike let out a deep sigh and got up, heading towards his bedroom ready to close his eyes and forget about the miserable conversation. As he walks past Abby’s room he notices you crouched beside her bed, softly shaking her awake.
Fake boyfriend or not, at least he knows he won’t be pretending about his feelings for you to your family.
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nolita-fairytale · 11 months
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burn your life down | chef luca x fem!reader | chapter two
summary: you decided to meet luca, taking him up on his offer to return the favor, and it gives the both of you the opportunity to get to know each other better.
warnings: fluff, eventual smut, eventual angst not use of y/n, second person pov, swearing, danish inaccuracies, very little connection to the world of the bear.
word count: 2777
a/n: for an america's indepedence day, have a hot brit and a love story that takes place in denmark lmao. okay so now we're all caught up with what i wrote for the headcanon and boy do i have some surprises in store for you next. thank you so much for all of the reactions to chapter one and the headcanon. this story has weaseled its way into my heart and has taken over my brain. i'm writing it for me but it's nice to hear others are enjoying it too. anyways, let me know if you'd like to be added or removed from the taglist!
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chapter one | masterlist | chapter three
“You have to go!” Jesper insists with the kind of conviction of a damn good lawyer. 
“I don’t have to anything,” you reply, making sure to emphasize the word ‘have.’
“No, you have to go,” Mathilde chimes in, a little softer, a little kinder than her brother’s earlier encouragement. 
After your post-shift meeting, everyone had gone home, save for the three of you – the Mikkelson twins cornering you about Luca’s thank-you-card proposition.
“Well, since you both keep harping on it, why don’t you come with me?” you suggest, in an attempt to shift the focus off of you. 
Your eyes scan their faces, trying to get a read on the both of them as Jesper and Mathilde exchange a pointed look, having the kind of non-verbal exchange that only comes from having shared every moment of their lives together.
“What?” you ask, looking back and forth from Mathilde to Jesper again.
“It wasn’t addressed to us,” Mathilde points out with a shrug, a sly look on her face. “It was only addressed to you.”
“Looks like someone has a crush,” Jesper adds with a smirk. 
“He doesn’t have a crush!” you protest without hesitation, your heart seizing for a moment. 
“A talent crush,” Mathilde reasons, knowing that anything more than a talent-crush would talk you out of going entirely. 
“Would it be the worst thing in the world if he did?” Jesper continues, much to both you and Mathilde’s chagrin. “I mean, when was the last time you got-, ow!”
Sharply cut off by an elbow to the rib, Jesper glares at his sister before returning his attention to you. 
“I’m just saying! He’s sexy. He’s a chef at one of the best restaurants in the world. You could do worse for yourself,” Jesper clarifies, earning another glare from his sister. 
He has a point, but you ignore it, because you’re not really sure if you’re ready to go there just yet. You think it over, and after giving it another moment, you open your mouth to speak again. 
“Alright, I’ll go,” you sigh in resignation, earning a few celebratory comments and gasps from the twins. “Are you both happy now?”
And that’s how – after at least an hour of stressing out about what to wear to a place like this – you find yourself standing in front of a closed restaurant on a day where almost everything is closed in Denmark. You’d settled on a pair of wide leg denim pants, a square toed boot appropriate for navigating the Copenhagen cobblestone, and a white and black striped sweater, slightly tucked into the front of your jeans that hangs loosely from your frame. 
Classic. Put-together enough for a two-starred Michelin restaurant on closed day. Certainly not a date kind of outfit.
Luca proves once again to be punctual as ever as he greets you at the front door, right on time. He wears a blue t-shirt that seems to emphasize his already intense blue eyes with a navy-colored apron layered over top of it. 
“You came,” are the first words he says to you, a wide smile spreading across his lips as soon as he sees you.
“Yeah I uh-, thank you. For inviting me,” you stammer, nervously searching for the right words. 
“Thank you for coming. Well, c’mon then!” he encourages, nodding towards the inside as he holds the door open for you. 
“Did you find the place alright?” Luca asks you, as you follow him. 
He leads you into the vaulted basement – the space that makes up the Danish-style, fine dining restaurant that’s been a leader in innovation. You follow Luca through the closed dining room, back into the kitchen, and then into the pastry room as you answer his question, mentioning that it wasn’t too long of a walk and that you found the place just fine.
As soon as you see what he’s been working on, it renders you near-speechless. You can see that he’s been hard at work – on his day off, no less – almost as if he knew you would come. 
“Would you like to have a seat?” he offers, gesturing towards the pastry bench. 
“Uh.. yeah. That’d be great. I-, um… thank you… again, for inviting me,” you answer, watching as he brings a stool over to it, setting up a little space for you. 
“Oh, it’s my pleasure. It’s really the least I can do. Think after this we’re uh… what 5 to 1?” he replies casually, in reference to the fact that he’ll only have fed you once in comparison to the amount of times he’s come to the restaurant. 
You chuckle, returning with a playful, “Well, I don’t think anyone’s keeping score.”
He sends a crooked smile your way, one that you know you’ll be thinking about for the rest of the week, before exchanging a laugh with you. 
“Just think of it as a thank you. For the great meals. For the hospitality,” he continues, as you watch him plate his gelee-focused dish. First the chocolate, then yellow, white, and green. A carefully tweezed wafer on top. 
“This is a shiso gelee with a chocolate mint ganache, finished with a thin slice of marzipan, and a caramel cracker. It’s from our current menu,” Luca introduces, walking you through the dish like you walked him through your crispy rice and trumpet mushroom dish. 
He pushes the plate-that-looks-more-like-a-pedestal towards you for you to try, his eyes meeting yours. Luca studies you carefully as you pick up the fork he’s set out for you, cutting through the gelee for your first bite. He watches as you scoop up a little of the ganache, making sure to get a bit of the cracker as well. 
You’re creating a perfect bite – one with a little bit of everything – just like he’d done with the first dish of yours he had a month or so ago. 
As you raise the fork to your lips, taking your first bite, the vibrant flavors hit your tongue with surprise and brilliance that you weren’t expecting. It’s somehow new, innovative, yet nostalgic all at once. 
“Oh my god,” you say with a sigh of pure bliss. You savor each and every flavor, taking your time with your first bite before continuing with: “It’s almost like-.”
“A minty snickers bar?” he offers up with a quirk of an eyebrow. 
“That’s exactly it!” you cry out with joy. 
He smiles proudly, “Yeah, it’s a nice dish.”
“So how long have you been doing this? Cooking…? Or have you done Pastry the whole time?” you ask, digging into the rest of the gelee. 
“About fourteen years… give or take. Started when I was a kid… just washing dishes… was a bit of a rebel…. The kitchen gave me a place to land,” he shares with an ease and charm that makes you feel like you could tell him all of your secrets. 
“Yeah, no I-, I get that,” you agree, enjoying your second bite of Luca’s shiso dish. 
“Gave my mum a little peace of mind. That’s for sure. Don’t think I was an easy kid to raise,” he continues as you listen. 
“Didn’t start pastry till about three years ago or so. Went mostly the fine dining route… worked my way up to sous position at a really great place, but wasn’t interested in moving up the ranks in that regard. Decided it was time to try something different.”
You nod with respect for his decision for change. 
“Where’d you grow up?” you ask curiously, watching him wipe down the pastry bench with a clean towel as he begins to prepare for a second dish.
“London,” he answers. 
“Oh! I uh, lived there for a few years, actually,” you say, sharing a familiar smile with him. 
“What about you? Where’d you grow up? And how long have you been cooking for?” he asks, shifting the focus of the conversation to you. 
“Boston,” you reply. 
He hums in response, “I’ve never been. What was that like?”
“Boston is great. Good weather, great food, interesting people. ‘S actually where I learned how to cook. My mom’s a single parent so… I spent a lot of time at our neighbor’s house… and their restaurant. They still own this Italian restaurant that’s like… been in the family for a hundred or so years and I practically grew up there,” you explain, sharing parts of yourself – of your story – in return. 
“Oh yeah?” he asks, an amused look on his face. 
“Yeah, we hung out there a lot when we were kids – me and my best friend. Then when I was old enough to work, I marched in one day after school and pitched myself for a job, demanding that I cook and that I’d accept nothing less” you reminisce trying your best to recreate the bold confidence of your fifteen year old self.
Luca chuckles in response, “That’s incredible,”
“I was a rather precocious child,” you add, laughing with a fondness for that previous version of you.
He smiles, “Yeah, I know the feeling well.”
Luca clears his throat, pulling out a clean bowl and beginning to plate something new. He explains that this one is a savory dish, starting with a fermented sourdough cracker as he walks you through the flavor profiles of each component, mentioning that it’s got to be one of his favorites on the menu so far. 
“I’m up for sharing if you are,” you suggest, in response to his last comment. 
“Yeah?” 
“Yeah.”
You watch as Luca picks up another fork, digging into the dish with you. There’s an intimacy that comes from sharing a meal with someone – eating off the same plate, enjoying the same sensory experience, quite literally breaking bread – that makes Luca feel less and less like a stranger to you with each bite. You still can’t believe that he’s done this for you – that you’re here – and while you’re not sure why, you lean into a softness, allowing yourself to enjoy it while it’s happening. 
“Did you go to culinary school?” you ask him, over your last few shared bites.
“No, what about you?” he replies quickly. 
“No, I actually majored in business,” you answer, earning a hum from him. 
“Huh…” he sounds, with a raise of both eyebrows in surprise. 
“I know…” you groan, with a playful eye roll more so directed at yourself. “My first career was in finance… account management. Then I did the whole investment thing for a while… it was uh… really sexy stuff, I know.”
“You don’t strike me as someone who would’ve been happy doing something like that,” Luca observes, only surprising you a little that he’d be able to pick up on something like that so quickly. 
“Oh no. I wasn’t. I was miserable,” you echo in agreement. You take a breath, and a beat, before explaining. “It was more of… a wish fulfillment thing, I think. For my mom. I mean, it wasn’t my dream, by any means. But having stability was important to me, to my mom…. To my partner at the time.”
“And now?”
You wait a beat before answering. 
“And now… I’m just… figuring it out as I go.”
Your eyes flicker over the ‘every second counts’ sign that hangs on the wall while Luca busses the table once again, sharing that he’s got one more dish he’d like for you to try. You settle into a quiet rhythm as you sit back and allow him to provide an experience unlike any other you’ve had. You watch him carefully as he moves around the kitchen prepping for his last dish, taking in each and every tattoo visible on his arms. 
“Every second counts,” you speak out loud, returning your attention to the sign. 
“Yeah,” he nods, turning his attention to where you’re looking. “It’s uh-, something an old head chef of mine used to say. Really stuck with me.”
You nod in agreement as he pulls out a final dessert plate. 
“‘S actually what brought me to you,” he continues, in reference to the sign. “An old friend of mine called me for a favor. He’s opening a new restaurant and wanted their patissier to come stage here for a bit.” 
Luca begins plating his final dish using a few pastry rings, a clean pair of tweezers, and berries left macerating in a deli container with a laser focus that you’d expect from a pastry chef at a two-starred Michelin restaurant.
“We got into… this whole conversation about inspiration. How to find it. Where to find it. I told him he’s gotta be open… to everything. To things out there. That that’s how you succeed in this industry – how you set yourself apart,” Luca adds, impressing you with his precision of plating while sharing something so personal. 
“It reminded me that… it’s been a while since I’ve opened myself up to… well… anything outside of this place.”
“No, yeah, I totally get it. It’s easy to get lost in it – it being the four walls of your restaurant. Running a restaurant is relentless. One minute you put your head down and the next…” you empathize with him. 
“It’s three weeks later.”
“Yeah.”
“Which leads me to why I asked you here,” Luca segways, as he finishes his final dish. “I ran into a little bit of writers’ block – or rather, chef’s block, if you will – working on our Summer menu.” 
He presents the dish towards you, earning a gasp from you as you take in the stunning creation.
“Knew I needed to get out of here for a beat. Get out of my head. Get some new perspectives.”
“Is this for your new menu?” you ask, your eyes devouring the cake-based dish first. 
“Maybe… just something I’ve been working on – something that’s been floating around in my head a while,” he shrugs, watching you carefully as he tries to search your face for any kind of reaction. 
You dig your fork into the spongey, tea-soaked, circular layered cake, raising it to your lips and immediately finding pure joy as you taste it. 
Yuzu. Earl Grey. The cake is almost like a lady finger – tiramisu-like in the way that it eats – filled with a yuzu curd in between each layer of cake, then finished with what you can only assume is a sort of black sesame dust that he’s sifted over top of the dish. 
“Woah,” is all that comes out of your mouth.
“Yeah?” Luca questions, unable to hide the smile that spreads across his lips. 
“Yeah uh… Why does this feel so familiar? It’s like… you’re reading my mind with this one,” you ask, your eyes wide savor each note. 
“Well, it should. Feel familiar, that is. It’s inspired by you,” Luca explains, treading carefully around the last few words. 
“What do you-?” you begin to ask, before the words leave you. 
You half expect him to tell you he’s joking, and you can’t tell whether or not it’s a blush running across his high cheekbones that you spot, as he turns his attention elsewhere. He begins moving around the kitchen, eager to begin cleaning up after himself to recover from the sheer vulnerability he feels from sharing this with you. 
Was this why he’d invited you here? 
“Luca,” you say, your words stopping him as he turns back to you. 
“What’s up?” he asks, so casually, as if he hadn’t just called you his muse. 
"All of this... you did all of this for me…. Why?" you muster up the courage to ask, the words falling out of your mouth with a weight you don’t expect. 
He takes a beat, afraid of coming on too strong, considering you’ve only just met, yet wanting nothing more than to tell you the truth.
Luca sighs, choosing the latter, before laying it all out on the table.
 "Your food is inspired and I don’t think I’ve had something this inspired in a long time,” he explains before pausing. “Your passion for Italian cuisine… weaving in the bits and pieces of yourself and approaching it from different culinary perspectives? You inspired me.” 
He takes another beat. 
“And as chefs, this is what we do. We feed each other." 
You’re speechless, but you can feel yourself nodding in agreement as you mumble out the most reverent ‘thank you’ that you can muster. You can feel it – that this is the beginning of, well, you're not quite sure what – but whatever it is, you're glad he walked into your restaurant however many weeks ago.
“Luca?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for sharing this with me.”
He nods, one corner of his mouth turning up into a smile. 
“Cheers.”
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