#even with condensing all this info I feel like it's too long | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

millersdjarin · 1 year

Text

I Only See Daylight - 16

Chapter Sixteen

Pairing: Din Djarin x F!Reader (afab)

Rating: E

Chapter Length: 6.9k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: medical stuff, injury recovery, showering together, helmetless!din, negative self image, scars, past emotional & physical abuse, insecurity

Previous Chapter | Series Masterlist & Info | Full Masterlist

i once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden; like daylight

“Mando, I wish it was that simple,” Boba says, his gloved hand clasped around his glass. Din sits opposite him at the table, nursing his own glass despite the fact he won’t drink it. “I can’t threaten to stop trade routes with this cult, it would be too dangerous for everyone involved. And it would threaten my position as daimyo, to get involved in such matters, whether they accepted the blackmail for her freedom or not.”

Din nods, understanding. Then, “But they don’t know that.”

Boba’s eyebrow quirks up curiously.

“I know that even this is asking a lot,” Din says, leaning closer across the table, “but if we take the fight to them, fool them into thinking your threat is real, maybe they’ll let her go. If they think their connections with supply and trade routes are going to be cut off, or even just soured in some way, they might give her her freedom. In exchange for security.”

“You think that after everything they’ve done to try and reclaim her, they’ll give her up just like that?”

“If it’s something concerning money, then, yes. That’s the only thing that matters more to them.” Din’s stomach turns as he says it, as he thinks about how you only matter to Them as a prize, a symbol. An example. He can’t even let himself think about what they’d do to you if they got their hands on you again. And he’s going to make sure that that never happens, whatever the cost.

Boba stares at him for a long minute, considering. Din just watches, waits, his fingers nervously running through the condensation on his glass.

“I know even to make the threat, empty or not, is a risk,” Din says into the quiet.

“And you think it’s a risk worth taking?”

“I do,” Din answers earnestly. “I think they’ll believe us. But, if you don’t feel comfortable, I can find another way.”

Sighing softly through his nose, Boba looks down at his drink, then lifts it to take a long sip. He empties the glass, drops it back on the table. “I said I’d do whatever I can to help,” he says, meeting Din’s gaze again, “and I meant it.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, my friend. I will make the necessary preparations. Have you thought through the plan? Where we will meet?”

“I have ideas I will run by you. Thank you,” Din reaches out to grasp Boba’s hand in gratitude. “I won’t forget this.”

“It’s not absolutely necessary,” Garidan says, handing you the tube of bacta gel, “but I’d recommend it. Especially if you’re going to be away from medical services for any length of time. You need it to heal right the first time, and this will give it the best chance.”

Gingerly, you take it. You’re in the hospital bed, having just sat up after the doctors gave your injuries a final examination before you leave Tatooine.

It’s been a week since it happened. You’re still in pain most of the time, but Doctor Garidan tells you that it’s all looking really promising; that initial dip in the bacta tank did wonders for the prognosis. You won’t need a skin graft, and he says that, if you apply the gel he’s given you daily, it’s unlikely to even scar. At least, not enough that they’ll show over your existing ones.

The only problem with that, though, is that you can’t apply the gel yourself.

Garidan knows this, and he knows why you’re hesitant. He’s always seemed to understand, right from the get go. You feel bad about glaring at him when Din was injured now, but he seems to have forgotten it.

“We are always here if you need help in future,” Garidan tells you with a small smile.

You smile back, grateful. “Thank you, doctor. For everything. I mean it.”

“I know. You’re welcome. You’re all set, whenever you’re ready. Should I bring him back in…?” He gestures to the door where Din is currently waiting in the hall.

You’re all covered up, both in bandages and clothes. (Your own regular clothes are still too tight for comfort, even though they’re far from it when you’re uninjured—so you’re wearing the ones the medbay gave you: a long, baggy long-sleeved shirt, and trousers that are even looser than your own pyjamas. You don’t have it in you to feel silly, though. You’re just grateful you can walk unaided again. Not without struggle, but. Still. Small victories.)

You nod in response to Garidan’s question. He smiles, nods too, and heads for the door.

Din is there a moment later, and the kid’s with him now, too, sitting in the satchel at his hip.

A smile breaks onto your tired face at the sight of them. “Hey, you,” you say, reaching out to give Grogu a little stroke on the cheek. He smiles up at you, gives a little wave.

“How’s it looking?” Din asks.

“Well, he gave me the all-clear to leave, so, good.”

He nods. His helmet tilts down, looking at the tube of bacta gel in your hand. “Do you have to use that on top of the other medication?”

“I don’t have to. But he said it’ll be best to.” You don’t tell him that you’re not sure if you’ll be able to do it yourself. You will tell him, just not right now. Because you know that he will try to convince you to let him do it, and honestly, the worst part of that is that you’re starting to think you might let him.

He must sense your hesitation, because he drops it. Instead, “Are you ready to go?”

“Very,” you sigh. “No offence to Boba Fett, or anything, but I’m tired of the sand. How does it get everywhere in this building?”

“Sand does that,” Din says, wry.

“Oh, kriff, does it get all stuck under your armour and your suit?” You ask, horrified by the notion. You don’t know how you hadn’t considered that before. “Or is it sealed up enough? Please tell me you don’t have to deal with sand getting places under there.”

“No, it gets places,” you can hear the smirk in his voice.

You shudder. “Gross. Let’s get out of here.”

He chuckles, and holds his hand out around you as you get down from the bed, just in case you need help. “Will you be okay getting to the speeder?”

“Maybe.”

“We’ll take it slow. We’ve got to meet with Fett first.”

You sigh. You’d forgotten that part. “You explained everything to him already,” you ask, “right? I don’t have to do it?”

“He knows,” Din says, standing in front of you with his weight on one leg. “And he’s going to help us.”

“He is?” Hope springs in your heart, just for a second.

“Yes.”

You start to hobble out of the medbay, absently noting that, as much as you’re grateful for this place, you won’t be sad to see the back of it. “You have a plan?”

“I do.”

“Great,” you exhale, “tell me when we’re back at the ship? I don’t feel like re-hashing it with people.”

“Of course. We’ll just say our goodbyes, I’ll finalise some things, and then I’ll tell you everything, alright?”

You nod, satisfied, and tighten your grip around his waist. Not for support: just because he’s wonderful. “Alright.”

Well, it’s not a terrible plan.

Above all else, They care about keeping the money rolling in. Even the slightest disturbance in their trade, or support from syndicates and politicians, would be considered detrimental. Maybe even more than a rogue daughter who brings shame to the family name.

(You’re tired of that. Of calling Them your family. It doesn’t feel right; especially not now.)

“You really think they’ll believe the threat?” You ask Din, sitting in the co-pilot chair with Din in the pilot’s.

“I think that Fett has never made a promise he didn’t mean. They’ll know that.”

You nod, chewing your bottom lip. “You realise that we’ve essentially circled back round to using me as bait?”

“No,” he says quickly, “we haven’t. That’s not what this is.”

“It isn’t?”

“No. Fett is contacting them for negotiations; we’re not luring them in using you.”

A small smile twitches at your lips, wry. “I’m a pretty big part of the negotiation, though.”

“No, you’re not. The negotiation is about trade routes and political support.”

“I thought Mandalorians were more about fighting than diplomacy?” You say, teasing.

“Believe me, if I had it my way, I’d raze the whole organisation to the ground.”

If only it were that simple.

Still, your heart swells at the sincerity in his voice.

You’re in the cockpit and the ship is still in Peli’s hangar, sitting beside Din’s starfighter. You look across at it, admiring its sleek design, imagining Din and Grogu in there, flying around the Galaxy.

“I don’t suppose you can fit me in there for a flight one day, huh?” You ask Din.

“Unless you want to squeeze into the old droid port with Grogu.”

You look at him, smirking, “Would I not fit on your lap?”

He leans forward in his seat and reaches for you, coaxing you out of your seat. “Not in that ship,” he says as you stand and cross the small gap between you, stopping where his knees brush against your thighs. “But in this one, yes.”

Smiling, you put your hands on his shoulders and gaze down at him. “You know what it does to me when I sit in your lap,” you tease him.

His hands grip at your waist, pulling you closer. “I do.”

“And you also know that we’re still in Peli’s hangar, and your kid is right outside with her?”

He sighs, over-dramatic. “In that case, let’s get out of here as soon as we can.”

“What, so I can sit in your lap?”

“Yes.”

With a soft giggle, you lean away from him, stepping back to allow him space to get up. He squeezes your waist as he passes and heads down into the living area. You don’t follow him down the ladder, just wait on the sofa for him and the kid to come back. It’s going to be time to put him to bed soon, anyway, and now that Din has put the idea of all the space that the cockpit has in your mind, your thoughts are starting to run just a little wild.

So while Din pays Peli, takes the kid back, and preps the ship for take-off, you can’t help but just stay on the couch, lost in the thoughts he’s put in your mind, until he calls you through to strap yourself in.

It’s only once the kid is asleep, and you’re well into the safety of hyperspace, that you realise how gross you feel.

It’s been over a week since you had a proper shower. The doctors have just been helping you wash with a sponge ever since you were injured, which has been better than nothing, if a little depressing. But as for getting your wounds wet and taking a shower, the doctors finally cleared you for it yesterday.

Which should be comforting. Finally you can get clean; even if it is in the small confines of the ship’s ’fresher. You should be excited to feel the hot water on your skin, get your hair properly washed, the dried blood out from under your fingernails, breathing in the steam.

But nerves are eating away at you at the idea of it, for some reason. Maybe it’s because you haven’t really looked at yourself since it happened, or maybe because you’re a little scared about whether it’s going to hurt, to have the water running over your wounds. Painkillers are still doing their job in your system, but this is going to be a new sensation.

Your body has changed since the last time you showered. The way it feels, the way you can move. You still get tired at the slightest thing; what if a shower is too hot, too much exertion? What if it makes you hurt so much that you can’t wash the shampoo out of your hair?

It’s intimidating.

You don’t even realise that you’re standing outside the closed fresher door, staring so intently that you don’t feel your teeth sinking into your bottom lip, until Din puts his hand on the small of your back, and you jump at the contact.

“Sorry,” he says, sounding surprised by your reaction. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I just…” you glance at him, then back to the door.

“You’re staring at the refresher like something is going to jump out at you,” he says softly. “Is it? Do I need to use my blaster?”

A chuckle shakes your shoulders. You let his voice, his presence, wrap around the nerves in your stomach and sate them a little. “No. At least, not that I know of. But the ship’s been sitting in that hangar for a while; we should probably check for stowaways.”

He laughs, too, just a soft chuckle through the modulator. “I’ll do that. Is there another reason you’re standing here staring at it?”

“I want to take a shower,” you say, brow furrowed in determination. Your wounds hurt, stinging at your skin.

“…But…?” He prompts.

You sigh. “But I’m nervous.”

“Alright. What are you nervous about?”

Feeling self-conscious and just a little ridiculous about the fact that you’re scared to shower, “I haven’t showered since before it happened.”

“Since before you were hurt?”

“Yeah. I know it’s silly to be nervous about showering, of all things, after everything that’s happened.”

“It’s not silly,” he says gently. From where he’s standing just an inch behind you, he reaches up his hand and brushes your hair back from your shoulder, revealing your neck. He presses the front of his helmet into it, a Mandalorian kiss. Your eyes flutter closed. “If you feel comfortable, I can help you. Even if it’s just standing outside in case you need me. Or I can help you get clean, if that’s what you need.”

Taking a deep breath, you let it out slowly.

“I won’t look at your scars,” he says quietly, as if reading your mind. “I promise.”

“I don’t think you can miss them,” you say with a mirthless snort.

“I can, and I will.”

You turn around to face him, gaze up into his visor. The idea of Din helping you is, shockingly, something that’s actually making things seem better. It’s not exactly how you imagined he’d see you naked for the first time. But maybe this is the best way. If he’s just focused on helping you, instead of it being a big reveal where he feels like he has to say something at the sight of you…

“Mesh’la,” he says softly, breaking you from your thoughts. “It’s alright to say no.”

You find yourself shaking your head. “No. I mean—yes. Can you help me? Do you mind?”

“Of course not. What do you need? What are you nervous about?”

“I just—I’m scared it’ll hurt. That I’ll hurt, and I won’t be able to finish the shower, and just end up with soap all over me. Or that I’ll hit my arm on something, or the water will hurt me. Or that I’ll be exhausted from it. So, just a few things.”

He runs a gloved thumb over your cheek. “Will it help if I go in with you?”

You swallow. “Probably,” you whisper, your voice failing you at the concept. Then, a different kind of nervousness starts to creep in, as you think about showering with Din, what that might imply… “But I don’t. I don’t think I can. You know. Turn it into anything else. Not that I don’t want to fuck you in the shower, but…”

His hand cups your cheek, guiding you to look back up into his eyes—you didn’t realise you’d looked away—“It won’t be anything else. I just want to help you. You’re still hurt, Mesh’la.”

Relief floods through you. You knew, of course, that he wouldn’t try and pressure you into it. But you also know that you’re going to have to hold yourself back pretty hard, if he’s going to be naked in there with you, and you need at least one of you to be the sensible one and not let you ruin your healing progress by bending over and letting him take you under the hot water—“Alright,” you force your mind to stop. Placing your hands on his chest plate, you give him a teasing smile, and say, “But I do want you to fuck me again. You know that, right?”

“I know,” he says on a soft laugh. “But the shower is a no-go. At least for now.”

You smile, raising an eyebrow. “For now, huh? I like the sound of that…”

“You need to control yourself,” he says, but his tone is nothing but teasing, you can hear the smirk in his voice, can see it in your mind’s eye. And, kriff, if that isn’t just the gift that keeps on giving.

“This might be a stupid question,” you say, “but are you going to take your clothes off?”

“I was planning on it. If you’re alright with that.”

“I’m not going to make you shower with me in the armour.”

“I’d do it, if you wanted me to.”

You know he’s serious, despite the smile that lingers in his voice. You reach up, put a hand on the side of his helmet. “And this…?”

He tilts his head, pressing the T of his visor into your palm. “I’ll take it off,” he says like it’s a promise.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m still getting used to it,” he says. “It’s strange to be seen.”

“I don’t have to stare at you as much as I did the first time,” you smirk. “It’s just hard not to. But I can try and hold myself back, if it makes you more comfortable.”

“I like it when you look at me,” he says, and you’re surprised by the sincere response to your teasing. He puts a hand on your waist, squeezes lightly, brushing the other across your jaw. “You’ve always seen me, even with the helmet on.”

Maybe it’s the meds, but tears start to rise quickly in your throat. You swallow them down, unable to speak for a second. Instead, you just nod, and give him a shaky smile. “I see you,” you manage eventually. “I do.”

He nods, too. Then, steeling himself, “Go wait in the ’fresher, Cyar’ika. Start the water if you want. I’ll be there in a minute.” He walks towards the sleeping quarters, and you reach out to press the button to open the fresher door before the courage leaves you again.

So, this is a thing that’s happening.

Din is about to see you. All of you. He’s going to have his hands on you, wash your hair, stand beside you naked and wet.

Maybe you didn’t think this through. This is supposed to be a needs-must situation. He’s helping you. That’s all this is—it’s all it can be. While you’d probably be up for sex now, first-time-shower-sex is definitely not an option, especially considering the fact that you’re already nervous enough about the idea of water on your skin as it is. And, besides, although you might be just about ready for Din to see you in this situation, it feels different, the idea of being bare while he fucks you. That feels like a step further.

Forcing the thought from your mind, focusing on the now, you get naked, and your hands are shaking. You’re starting to feel nervous now.

It’s just Din, you tell yourself. I’m fine.

(It helps when you peel off your clothes and smell yourself. You really need this shower.)

Switching the shower on, you hold your hand under it, wait for the water to turn warm. It feels too hot, but kriff, the feeling of warm water on your skin is lovely, such a welcome relief from the sticky staleness you’ve felt for the past week. There’s sand in the creases of your elbows, behind your knees, under your nails. It’s gotten fucking everywhere. For a moment you think, you may have been raised in a horrific cult, but at least that horrific cult wasn’t on a sand planet. That would have just been pouring salt into the wound. (Or sand. Yikes.)

Lost in the uncomfortable sensation of trying to scrape the patches of sand off your skin, you don’t notice the sound of the ’fresher door closing until you hear soft footsteps behind you.

Bare footsteps.

Then, a gentle hand on your waist, hot breath against your ear. “You alright?” Din’s voice asks gently, husky beneath the spray of the shower.

Holy kriff. Holy fuck. Holy everything.

Holy Din.

“Yeah,” you breathe out. His hand is bare on your waist and you can’t help but reach down and take hold of it, running your palm up over his bare wrist. Your body follows it, turning in his arms as your eyes dart up to his shoulders and his neck and his—

His face. Soft, damp with water, with steam. And, bless him so much, he looks nervous. Uncertain, like this is all new territory. Which it probably is for him; and it definitely is for the two of you together.

A smile finds its way onto your lips. “Hi,” you say softly. You can’t help it; you lean in and kiss him, just once, chaste. “How’d you get so handsome?” You ask, running a hand through his hair, taking a tight grip of it at the back of his neck.

His eyes close for a second at the feeling. He leans in, presses his forehead into yours. “How did you get so beautiful?”

You don’t have an answer or a teasing comment to throw back at him. Because, shit, he’s here. He’s naked, he’s in the shower with you, pressing his nose against yours so earnestly and gently, not even looking at your body; you’d expected him to be instantly distracted by the wounds, the scars, the curves that you’re so used to desperately pretending don’t exist.

You’ve never been seen like this. You expected it to change everything.

But it feels like it always does when he looks at you. Comforting, safe. Like, to him, you’re more than just your body.

He reaches out to the sink and grabs a washcloth, then wets it under the spray of the shower. Wordless, he pulls away just enough to find your arm and lift it, then starts to gently swipe at the patch of sand there. “This shit gets everywhere,” he says.

A laugh bubbles in your chest. Sheer joy, disbelief, that this is happening. That it doesn’t even feel like that much of a big deal. (Having said that, you haven’t let yourself really look at him yet; you know if you do, you won’t be able to hold yourself back. It was bad enough when it was just his face.)

(His face isn’t just anything.)

He wipes away all the sand he can see from where he stands, and then reaches for the bottle of shampoo that he bought just for you a few weeks back. It smells fruity and sweet; you’d seen it at a market stall, admired the scent before moving on to the next stall, and then found it later that night in the fresher.

“Are you okay to turn around?” He asks, meeting your eyes, wrinkles in his forehead as his gaze just shines with sincerity.

It brings a warm, heavy bloom to your chest. You gaze up at him, feel the wounds on your back. Nervous, you nod. “Just—” you put a hand on his chest, momentarily distracted by the hair there, making a mental note to pay it special attention next time you get him like this—“Don’t be shocked. It’s a bit of a mess.”

He nods. Leans in, presses a kiss to your forehead. “You’re perfect,” he reminds you before you turn around and face the shower.

Feeling the droplets so close to you, you can’t resist—“Hold on,” you say before you step closer and let the water run over your face and hair.

And, yeah. It’s been too long. It hurts a little, but only initially; you get used to it and eventually just let the water run over your face, down your front, your legs. Some drops hit the wounds on your back. But it’s okay.

“That feel good?” He asks. You can hear the smile in his voice.

A shudder runs down your spine. Immediately, you’re distracted from the heat of the shower. “You can’t say stuff like that when we’re wet and naked in a shower and trying not to have sex,” you say, earning a chuckle from behind you.

“Sorry,” he says, still smiling, and you feel him approach you from behind. He pulls your wet hair from your shoulder, freeing it for his lips. His eyelashes flutter against your skin when he closes his eyes, pressing close-mouthed kisses up towards the back of your neck. His arms, wet and hairy and strong and scarred, wrap around your waist, so delicate, careful not to hurt you. You wish he could press in closer, pull your back to his chest. “Just never seen you like this,” he whispers into the shell of your ear. “Don’t think I can ever look away.”

Leaning your head back into his shoulder, you thread your fingers through his over your stomach, not even thinking about the older scars there. Not even considering that he’s feeling them, touching them. It’s been your biggest fear for so long, for him to touch those scars. That he’d feel them and back away, decide it was too much.

But now, it’s the last thing on your mind.

“Sorry, baby, but I think my strength will run out soon, so you better get a good look while you can,” you tease him.

“You can’t say that when we’re trying not to have sex,” he says into the curve of your neck, his voice a low vibration.

Your hand reaches around behind you, grasps the back of his neck. “What, call you Baby?” You smile, so wide you can feel the wrinkles on the corners of your eyes.

You feel him nod.

“Sorry,” you grin, “payback.”

He makes a Tsk noise, then reaches for the shampoo again, separating himself from your neck. You hear him open the bottle. “Can I wash your hair?”

“Kriff, please. I feel like a damn oil drum with this greasy hair.”

“I like it,” he squeezes some out onto his hand, then you hear him lathering it up in his palms. “You make it work.”

You snort. “Yeah, sure. You’re just saying that ’cause you want to get into my pants.”

“You’re not wearing any,” he reminds you helpfully. “And at least one of us has to have some self-control.”

“Please, I have self-control—” but your words melt off into nothing when his hands are suddenly in your hair, rubbing shampoo into your scalp. Kriff, it feels amazing. His touch, the soap, the smell that fills the steamy room. You fall back into him, knees suddenly weak from the sensation as he rubs it in. It’s not even overly sexual, it just feels good. So, so good. A relief, too, like you can feel the oil washing away; the memories of the last few days.

“How do you feel?” He asks once your head is covered in purple suds. “How’s your pain?”

“I’m alright. Getting a little tired now, but it’s not hurting too much.”

“That’s good,” he gently turns you to face him, giving you a soft smile. “You want me to try and rinse it without getting your back wet?”

“We’ve got to get it wet sometime. They said it was safe.”

He nods. “But are you okay with it?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Alright. Go under the water, I’ll keep it out of your eyes. You let me know if it hurts.”

Nodding, you do as he asks, and he brings his hand up to cup over your forehead, directing the water away from your eyes as it runs down onto your head. The suds flow with it, and most of them avoid your back with your head tilted back a little. The bits of water and soap that do touch your wounds sting a bit, but it’s alright. It feels too good to have the water running through your hair, the dirt and grime from the last week finally washing away, for you to care. Your eyes are closed before you know it, feeling Din’s other hand rubbing at your scalp, making sure all the shampoo is washed away.

Once it’s all gone, you lift your head again and open your eyes, finding him already looking at you, fondness shining in his eyes. You’ve barely seen that look on him, and yet it feels just as familiar as the sight of his helmet.

He grabs the washcloth again and pours soap on it this time, then starts to wash your arms, avoiding the wounds, lifting them so he can gently scrub underneath them. It’s hard to believe that this is happening; that you’re perfectly happy to be standing here, naked and scarred in front of him, letting him wash you like he’s not bothered by how grimy you are. He just wants to help you, just wants you to be comfortable. That’s all he’s ever wanted.

You’ve never known tenderness like this.

It tightens your chest, stings your throat.

You let your head fall onto his bare shoulder once he’s rinsed off the soap from your shoulders. He pauses, his hand settling on your hip.

“You okay?” He asks.

Instead of answering, you wrap your arms all the way around him, feeling his skin hot and wet beneath yours. It’s not the first time you’ve held him naked. But it is the first time he’s held you naked; the first time anyone has been near you like this. And it’s the first time he’s letting you see him, too.

It’s just a lot.

You hold him tight. One arm over his shoulder and down to press between his shoulder blades, the other wrapping around his waist, your hands crossing on his back. He melts into you, carefully holding you back, both arms around you as much as he can without hurting you. He presses his face into your neck, and you could stay like this forever. Nothing between you but water. Nothing but warmth, skin on skin, his heartbeat pressing against yours.

One of your hands comes up to hold the back of his head, tangling your fingers in his wet hair. It’s longer, darker, like this.

“Mesh’la,” he whispers, tracing his fingertip in little circles on your back.

You want to say something.

Not just anything. You want to tell him how you feel; or, at least, how you think you feel.

The problem is, you’ve never actually felt that before. Only ever read about it in books, seen it in cheesy HoloNet dramas.

You never thought that you’d ever find anything even close to what people call Love. Let alone that you’d be standing here, in this perfect man’s arms, contemplating whether or not you even have the capacity to understand what that would mean. What that feeling means.

And what it might change, if you ever said it out loud.

“Din,” you say, feeling teary all of a sudden. Your face is in his shoulder, the water flowing gently over the both of you.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

You shake your head. Pulling back just a little, you meet his eyes for a second before leaning in and kissing him. Close-mouthed, chaste as anything, but with all the strength and passion you can give to him.

He accepts the kiss, of course; lifts one of his hands to gently trace the backs of his fingers down your cheek. When you part, he presses your foreheads together. “What was that for?”

You’re not ready to say it yet. Maybe you never will be. For now, you just shake your head again, and give him a soft, albeit slightly shaky, smile. “Thank you,” you say. “For helping me. For—for everything.”

He searches your eyes for a moment, like he knows there’s more to your words. Then he nods, kisses you again. “Of course.”

“I’m getting tired,” you say reluctantly. “We should get out soon.”

“Alright. Do you want me to put the bacta gel on for you?”

You’re not sure why you hesitate. Not after this. “Yes,” you say, “please.”

It doesn’t hurt, exactly. It’s cold, and it might be stinging for a split second before the bacta sinks into your skin and helps with the pain. It smells gross, and feels weird to have something touching each of the wounds.

But Din’s hands are so soft, so gentle, and when he realises before you that you’re shaking, he stops.

“You okay?” He asks. “Am I hurting you?”

You shake your head, suddenly unable to speak. It’s not hurting. Really, it’s not.

But this is new. Even this is different still from him seeing you in the shower. Because the water’s not running anymore, you’re standing in front of the fogged-up sink mirror with your arms crossed over your chest, and suddenly it’s quiet. It’s focused, all the attention on your back. If the mirror wasn’t foggy, you’d be able to see the scars on your stomach, too. And so would Din.

It’s intimate. It’s too intimate.

“Hey,” Din says softly, peering over your shoulder, trying to catch your eye. “Talk to me. You’re shaking. What’s wrong? Are you cold?”

Your head shakes again. You can’t look at him. “I just—” you force out, “you’re seeing me.”

“I am,” he says, soft, unassuming. “Do you not want me to?”

No. You do. You do, and maybe that’s what’s scaring you so much.

For fuck’s sake, you’re crying.

“Hey,” his voice is so fucking soft, and he’s turning you around to face him, bringing one of his hands up to gently swipe away your tears. “Hey, look at me. We don’t have to do this.”

Pulling your bottom lip into your mouth in a desperate attempt to hold yourself together, you shake your head again, staring down at the floor. He’s got a towel around his hips, and you’re so stuck in your head that you can’t even take a moment to appreciate his chest, the gentle curve of his stomach, the trail of hair going down from his belly button to the top of the towel.

“I’m alright,” you say, wanting to mean it, not sure if you do or don’t. “Just. I don’t know, it’s probably the painkillers, they’re messing with my head.”

He’s quiet for a moment. He runs his hand over the side of your head, smoothing down your still-wet hair. He’s dipping his head, trying to meet your eyes. His other hand is still sticky with bacta gel, just hanging at his side, waiting patiently.

“Cyar’ika,” he says, so soft, “is it the scars? You don’t want me to see you?”

You close your eyes, screw them tightly shut. Your arms are still crossed over your chest. You nod.

A soft sigh comes from Din’s nose. He moves his hand around to the nape of your neck and keeps it there, using it to gently pull you close and press his lips to your forehead. “The scars of what they did to you?” He asks. Quiet, like he’s not sure if he should.

His mouth still against your forehead, you nod. Tears slip past your closed eyes, fall down onto your cheeks. “Yeah. That, and the wounds, and—just. They always told me how bad I looked. That no one but the man they wanted me to marry would ever want me because of how I look, even before they—before they hurt me. To them, hurting me was just the final nail in the coffin. But the coffin always existed.”

His grip on the back of your neck tightens, almost protectively. You let yourself focus on that instead of the cool bacta gel on your back that’s trying to steal your attention, to take you away from the softness of his presence; the fact that he’s never, ever shied away from your body, from your scars.

“Even if I have to tell you every day for the rest of my life,” Din says, “I will.”

“Tell me what?” You ask, voice trembling.

His lips brush your forehead again, then trail down to your temple, the height of your cheekbone. His eyelashes flutter against your skin as he closes his eyes. “You’re perfect,” he whispers into the hollow of your cheek. “I mean it.”

You wish you had the confidence to uncross your arms, to wrap them around him. But it’s not just the scars. It’s your stomach, your stretch marks, it’s the way your chest looks without clothes on top. “I know you do,” you tell him, because you do, you know he does.

“It’s not what matters,” he says, “that I think you’re beautiful. It’s what you think that matters most. I know that I can’t…take away the way you feel about yourself. I wish I could,” he whispers the last part, like he’s saying it just to himself. Your heart lurches, pulls you towards him. “But until you see how beautiful you are, I’ll tell you whenever you need to hear it. Okay?”

And you don’t have any words to say. Or, you do, but there are too many. And you can’t form them now, anyway.

Instead, you just nod, and press your forehead into his. He’s still got his eyes closed. A split second of courage overtakes you and you grab hold of it, let it carry your hand up to the back of his neck, pushing your fingers into his hair. He sighs against you like he’s relieved you’re finally touching him back.

“I’m sorry, Cyar’ika,” he whispers.

“For what?”

As if he’s lost for words, he shakes his head. “For everything They did to you.”

You sniff, pulling back just enough to look into his eyes. Because you can’t help it. Because you’ll never not want to look into them. “It’s not your fault,” you offer with a small, sad smile.

His hand cups your jaw. His gaze is so intense, it’s like he’s looking into your soul. “I meant it when I said you don’t have to worry about them anymore. No one’s going to touch you ever again.” Beneath the determination in his eyes, the sincerity of his promise, you could swear you see some…fear? Worry?

You’ve never seen that on him before. Never even really heard it in his voice.

You stare back at him, searching. Wanting to know every part of him, wanting to know what’s got that little shine of anxiety sparking in his mind.

Before you can ask or really let his nerves feed into your own, he says, “I’ve finished the bacta. I just need to bandage you up, if you don’t mind.”

With wide eyes, you nod. Before he moves away to grab the med supplies, you use the hand on the back of his neck to bring him in and kiss him. Just a small, chaste kiss, but he melts against you, putting his hand against your cheek. When your lips part, he doesn’t keep them that way for long; he’s leaning back in, kissing you again, sliding his fingers back into your hair.

You wish you had the energy to deepen this. To appreciate that he’s here, naked, that you have privacy and time and safety, at least for now. You want to run your hands over every inch of him, look at his face while you touch him, feel him inside you and all around you.

Instead, you pull back, and give him an apologetic smile.

You don’t have to explain. “Come on,” he says, “let’s get to bed, alright? I’ll just wrap you up, then we should rest. We’ve got a few days before Fett contacts us.”

As he goes over to the cabinet by the shower, pulling out the supplies that Garidan had sent you away with, you watch him. The tears have ceased now, so you can get a good look at him. The shift of the muscles in his back and arms, the way his stomach rolls just a little when he bends over. Somehow, he’s wide and broad and strong and hard, and yet soft and supple, curved in places you never thought he would be. You could honestly look at him like this forever. Just stay here and let the sight of him heal all your wounds.

If only it were that simple.

He catches you staring when he stands up and turns back to you. A small, shy smirk twitches at one corner of his lips.

You stand up a little straighter, cross your arms over your chest again. “Can I tell you how beautiful you are every day, too?” You ask with a teasing smile.

He chuckles. Crow’s feet appear around his eyes as he heads back over, stops in front of you. “Whenever you want, Cyar’ika.”

notes: thank you as always for being here, and if you left a comment on the last chapter you get an EXTRA SPECIAL thank you!!! hope you enjoyed this chapter, do let me know if you did!

take care of yourself ❤️

taglist:

@toobsessedsstuff @granillx @keepingitlokiii @shoe1412 @quentinor @yourunstablegf @moonknight-s-cumdump @senassn @samanthacookieone @local-fanfic-addict @your-slutty-gf @whenpugzfly @elsasshole @moony-toasts @julesjewelss36 @jbcalway @mxlsmith @indec1sive

@lordhavemurthy @booktvmoviefangirl @brokenghostgirl1 @competitivedust @lostinsideourminds @gloryekaterina @uncle-eggy @astronymity @leithatnight @domaniquessidehoe @dancealongthelightofday @loveslide @peqchsoup @jaguarthecat @starrynightsforever @djarinxore @rexamongthestars @babygirlrex0504 @dindjarindude @prentissluvr @hotchie360

#din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin imagine #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian imagine #gif cw #my post: fic #i only see daylight #star wars fanfiction

138 notes · View notes

personalizationai · 1 month

Note

It appears rookie is going through the horrors...

Can you tell us more about them ? (Both rookie and the horrors!!)

oh man theres a lot. this is going to be long.

rodrigo “rookie” carvajal has been working with cleanup crew for a good few months now. he started his job at 16, is now 17 (his birthday was february 25th)

basic info on why hes here: rookie got a fake ID from a friends friend to be able to apply for the position of a scavenger. In our little ocverse we imagine the company has a minimum age requirement of around 20. the reason why he would do this at all is because he had become dedicated to the idea of “honoring” his (presumed) dead father lee. he believed that he had no other options left forwards, and that he should have been brave like his dad was.

anyways, ill try and condense the insanity that has been his time at cleanup crew the best i can…

- In his first few days/weeks, rookie was a pretty positive and spunky guy. He was very willing to follow around Dopey, as he’s the defacto leader of the group. Things were… Ok, but that all was shattered by one experience: inspector has a hand in this . Before he appeared physically and revived, he was communicating to dopey. a voice in their head tormenting the scavenger, promising things like a promotion and in general a way out of the cycle. Dopey had killed rookie with a stop sign, profusely apologizing and crying. When questioned about what happened, Dopey lied. Said it was a monster outside.

- After this, rookie became much more closed off from other people, mainly only sticking around lieutenant. all the fear and whatnot built up inside of rookie and he snapped and killed dopey back with a shovel for… revenge. he didnt enjoy it. he tried to explain what had happened, but nobody believed him, and dopey had made it out as if he was just unstable. dopey considered them even now, but an experience like that haunted him for a good long while. hes still scared of stop signs to this day. (not to mention that he was beginning to realize then that he IS dying. and he IS being brought back.)

- then, in comes inspector. from even the first few days of his arrival, he provided rookie support and comfort near constantly. dopey had a bad feeling every time he heard the man speak. rookie on the other hand, was like a moth to a flame. teen who lost his dad + scared and vunerable is insanely easy to manipulate. especially if youre presenting yourself now as someone older and more experienced who cares about you and listens to you ect ect ect.

- inspector would intentionally attempt to hide information from him, such as the sigurd logs note. (he noticed the note was being hidden from him). inspector also would occasionally kind of… try to sew distrust inside of rookie towards the other crew members, and especially fostering the distrust towards dopey further.

- eventually rookie does find the logs and reads them with dopey. they both learn a lot, and while rookie didnt trust dopey a lot then, this among other miscellaneous interactions made his thoughts and feelings towards dopey more complicated. he began to feel guilty for going against inspectors wishes of not “looking in too deeply”. because of this guilt, he confesses to inspector about what they had done. “rookie, what did dopey tell you?”. he promised rookie he wasnt mad, but inside he was SEETHING. its at that point that inspector realized how much of a problem dopey will be.

- dopey began to then realize via observation that rookie is being deeply deeply manipulated by inspector. this started a whole thing where dopey would try to forge more trust from rookie and attempt to get him to realize that hes being taken advantage of. later on, eventually rookie breaks down a bit to inspector alone on the company building (lower level). he admits how scared he is of everything. but most importantly: that he shouldnt be here. that hes only 16. he thought he could handle this all, but its starting to break him. they hug, and rookie hugged tighter than ever. inspector stood there. (dopey was secretly listening.)

- ANYWAYS fast forwarding. end of act 1 was essentially inspector enacting his plan of killing everyone on the crew to try and create so much violence and disorder to attempt and break the cycle through destroying the unity of its events and repetition. this doesnt work. brain managed to kill inspector. inspector is gone for a while.

- rookie attempted to try and be eaten by jeb to escape the cycle. overwhelmed, he only saw his way out of here through death. despite knowing he cant die, thought that maybe just MAYBE this way would work. it didnt, of course. but its more complicated than that.

- floating in the inbetween of life and death, a not very lucid post death rookie was offered a deal by thousands of voices from behind the wall: “do you want to forget?” he accepted.

gonna speed run act 2: FAUX IS HERE! ROOKIE IS STRUGGLING TO COPE WITH THE IDEA THAT INSPECTOR DIDNT CARE FOR HIM AT ALL. act 2 was a little fucking everywhere for many characters doing a lot of things, but whats important for rookie is this:

- rookie then could not remember a single thing that happened to him on cleanup crew. a partial mind wipe. but, anything that had reminded him of it would hurt. both mental and physical. eventually when dopey tried talking to him about everything that had happened, he was quite literally killed suddenly, vanishing. the nature of the deal that was made was that he wasnt supposed to recover these memories, and now that he had, he was killed for it. he comes back but… very jaded. there simply is no way out. none at all. he finds everything simply pointless, its quite the soul crushing feeling

- faux at some point comes onto the scene… rookie and faux were on and off interacting with each other, but eventually he ends up breaking down to faux and mentioning how “do you ever want to talk to somebody again, even if you know it would be bad for you?” this leads into faux revealing to rookie his real identity. rookie, both terrified and curious is a bit in a deer in headlights situation. he ends up asking a few things, such as what happened (he only saw the aftermath of all the death.) and if he really cared about him at all. inspector lies to him both times. he makes rookie promise to not tell anybody, and he doesnt.. but but some people manage to overhear… (dopey again for this, though brain and four were also contributers to OTHER OTHER shit about unamsking faux)

- eventually it all climaxs with a plan made by dopey and specs. dopey had presented this plan vaguely to rookie before faux revealed himself. “if i ask you to take a shot, i need to know if youll do it.” rookie says he cant promise that he will, but he’ll try.

- inspector/faux, now realizing that his cover is going to be blown, now rushes to try and get the gun that dopey and specs obtained first. he got it, but dopey managed to knock it out of his hands with a shovel. holding inspector back, dopey screams for him to take the shot. rookie screams back, babbling about how this wont do anything for anyone. about how they wont even die. about how theyll be right back here tomorrow.

-“for once in your life, trust me rookie!”

- he shoots. both inspector and dopey die at the same time to the same bullet. (this malfunctioned the respawn tech, and those two are now stuck in a sort of purgatory for a good long while. but not dead. they wont be dead just yet.) rookie collapses, defeated.

LOL SEASON 3 crick and deacon are here now!

- he waits for them to come back. he knows they will, but the longer theyre gone the more and more he doubts this belief.

- he becomes closer to four, they finally work through the whole lee connection… he confesses to four that he wishes that he was nicer, that he wasnt stupid. “why do i only think of this shit when its too late?”

- he leans into the people he loves and trusts, liuetenant and four being the main people.

- rookie is much more irratable now. hes trying to thrust himself into a leaderly/strong position in dopeys stead, but unfortunately hes not the best at it. he has almost no patience left for anything, and his only option left right now is to try and be stronger. to be more like dopey, like he told four he wished he was. dopey managed to handle so much, managed to be there for so many people. he wants to be that.

- MOST CURRENT SHIT THOUGH uhhhhh rookies best friend lieutenant told him that hes a robot and then a few moons later got fucking struck by lightning so hard it factory reset the guy into not having and memory in the system of who anyone is. or their friendship. this is upsetting to rookie because lieutenant was planning to tell the others themselves. rookie is deeply upset that this choice of his is now stripped away. nobody here has a lot of choices they can make for themselves, and thats just one less.

- also rookie snapped at crick when they started talking about themselves only having one week left. told crick that theyre trapped here basically. crick didnt believe. “maybe you just didnt try hard enough or looked hard enough to get in contact?” (to leave the job). rookie goes “ITS BEEN MY ONE WEEK FOR MONTHS!” once he calms down from searing hot he mumbles about how crick is “going to have to learn some day”. this mirrors what inspector had said when he first killed EVERYONE. “YOURE ALL GONNA FUCKING LEARN!” this is… intentional

#cleanup crew #THIS IS FUCKINF SO LONG! IM SORRY WEVE BEEJ ROLEPLAYING FOR MONTHSSSS #sorry for any typos its so late rn

10 notes · View notes

vodoriga-art · 2 years

Text

And the sun rises in Barovia.

A few people were curious, so I wrote down the 6 hour fight and condensed it as much as I could. The ending was not what I expected at all and I don’t think I’ll ever have a campaign like this one or character like Kaspar again. Many thanks to everyone who during these two long years and 22 sessions entertained me with tags on all the art of my poor guy 🖤

✨🦇 !! EDIT: if you're reading this now , I made a page with super condensed OC info with no campaign spoilers and links to longer posts such as this one, in case you want to read about the whole situation. 🦇✨

Major CoS spoilers below!

(The way DMs did Strahd is they made him a two phase fight, first lvl 20 battlemaster fighter in full plate + greatsword and later lvl 20 wizard)

The party went into the crypts to find the tome and the Sunsword. They fight some zombies and two of the brides in Strahd’s crypt. They find the items in his coffin, Ireena reads everyone the whole tome (8 pages that the DM wrote) and gets a headache as her memories come flooding back, fighter picks up the Sunsword because Ireena can’t handle the emotions coming from it. They go over to Sergei's tomb where Ireena prays and they finally head to the chapel.

Meanwhile Kaspar has collected Rahadin's corpse from his office (sewn his head back on and put his guts back inside etc.) and brought him to the chapel. Strahd is there in gorgeous dazzling gothic full plate minus helmet. They have a funeral. During this Strahd is crying tears of blood and is so angry, furious, but mostly keeping it in. Facial muscles twitching. Short replies through gritted teeth. It's becoming clear to Kaspar that he has little chance of getting Strahd to care for him now that Rahadin is dead but he accepts that he deserves it. Just a few hours before his demeanor and talking to Kaspar was completely different and made him feel understood and comforted and safer than he felt anywhere in a while, and this was a total flip of mood.

Strahd wants the whole party, including Ireena, dead. Kaspar feels like shit because he did everything he could to please Strahd (murdered the party wizard earlier) but this wasn't enough (losing Rahadin tilted Strahd too much for him to be the sweet caring kind of manipulative that would 200% work on Kaspar), and Kaspar is terrified and also realizes he can't back out of this even if he wanted to, believing that Strahd is now the source of his cleric powers, and he needs Strahd in order to look for a vampirism cure.

The party, including Ireena and Ez, finally all arrive to the chapel through the main door and find Strahd and Kaspar standing over Rahadin's cold body on the altar. There's incense smoke everywhere and the two of them turn to the party at the same time.

The party tries one more time to try get Kaspar to ditch Strahd. The artificer gives him a syringe full of his blood that he prepared before for Kaspar to drink if he needs to feed. He makes a little slideshow projection of all the not completely horrible times they've had in Barovia together. Warlock and wizard are still convinced Strahd has done this to him and it’s not just Kaspar’s selfish choices that led him to this point.

But Kaspar doesn't trust them not to kill him and he's deluded enough to think Strahd actually values him a little, or at least more than the party does, and that he would let him look for a cure if he pleased him tonight. Ireena and Strahd are having a staring contest inches away from each other.

Every door slams shut, all of the stained glass windows shatter inwards, glass shards rain down around us, mist begins to seep inside replacing the incense smoke Kaspar was burning for the funeral, and we roll initiative.

During the first or second turn Kaspar when called a traitor and questioned why he did this says he "is doing this for love." And Ireena is furious "You think Strahd loves you??" and Kaspar says "I'm not talking about him!" and the whole party is like ????? then who??? (he meant Kelemvor ofc)

Ludmila shows up to try and redeem herself after she failed to protect the heart. Kaspar actually gets teleported outside because the artificer thought the windows overlooked an abyss and not a courtyard but it's actually convenient for Kaspar to be out of everyone’s melee reach.

The fighter crit fails on a swing and the Sunsword flickers out completely as Strahd parries the sunlight with his pure black blade. He can't get it to turn back on even on his next turn (DM treated the Sunsword's sunlight blade as a dragon’s breath recharge when it goes out).

Strahd then charms the warlock who spends two turns doing nothing, except unsuccessfully casting Banishment on Kaspar to temporarily put him somewhere safe. Kaspar, even though he still intends to kill everyone, feels some sorrow for the warlock because he has just minutes ago felt the the first inkling if pure cold dread of being in Strahd's clutches against one's will.

Kaspar commands the fighter to toss him the Sunsword hilt while standing on the edge of one of the shattered windows, instead of catchin it he moves his hand and thr sword lands way outside in the courtyard. Soon after this, Strahd isn't happy with what the artificer is casting and completely slaughters him in one turn. Ludmila scurries up to drink blood and it costs the guy a death save. Strahd finishes him off. Artificer is dead.

Ireena, in full plate, does a cool running jump and gets up to the window to demand from Kaspar the diamonds he was given by Ez before as the remains of the shattered stained glass cut into the one hand she’s using to hang from the window. He left them in Strahd's study and tells her as much. No one is casting any revivifies this time. Fighter also shows up to retrieve the Sunsword.

Now the fighter and Ireena are both armed and close to Kaspar basically deciding which one of them wants to obliterate the traitor.

(at this point a symphonic metal cover of Hopes and Dreams is playing)

Eventually Strahd runs out of superiority dice and rips all the armor off as Bucephalus appears and Strahd goes into caster mode. Across the room in the window, a flying Mordenkainen finally shows up and looks down at Kaspar all disappointed like "Really lad?" (Scottish accent, very important)

Ludmila is vaporized by Ez. Then Ez goes down. Artificer has been fully dead for over a minute.

Right now Kaspar is back inside the chapel and the wizard is actually trying to talk to him instead of swinging weapons and spells like everyone else because of the earlier exchange about love that left everyone puzzled. But especially her because she’s all about love 💗 He tells her he is selfish and not ready to die because he wants to keep loving Kelemvor even if he isn’t loved back. Tries to convince the wizard that she, being a clever wizard and great alchemist, could help him find a cure for everyone with this curse. If faith and magic aren't enough, then science and medicine might be the answer. But he has to survive this for that to be possible. With 9 CHA he is not very persuasive, mostly pathetic and pitiful.

Ireena is fully yelling at Kaspar now that “there IS NO CURE for vampirism except death and that it's the best they can do to free him from Strahd and from being this thing he’s become” and he's like "NO, I CAN DO IT OR I'LL DIE TRYING, just because van Richten couldn't find one doesn't mean it's impossible, get away from me, I have no choice anymore" etc.

And of course everyone in the vicinity is like BUT YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE!!!

And he's explaining to them he refuses to die before he can find a cure and die outside of Barovia where his soul can go to Kelemvor’s plane and he doesn't trust them not to kill him, because unlike Strahd none of them could understand what he is (deranged blood drinking human meat eating monster) and they've looked at him as a feral monster since the moment he got turned even though he never asked for it.

Ireena says "Do you think that he (Kelemvor) would love you now?"

And by now Kaspar is baring his fangs, eyes glinting red in despair, "No, but I still want to stand before him so he can tell me that himself," through gritted teeth.

Anyways Strahd almost Finger of Deaths Mordenkainen. Level 7, 8, 9 spells are flying.

Ireena, the wizard and the warlock are now surrounding Kaspar, Ireena's hand firm on his shoulder, weapon ready in her other hand, trying to convince him to help them and to snap out of it, that he can have Strahd's whole library and everything else he needs to look for a cure, but to please help them. Freaking Ghost Love Score starts playing as he stands there speechless for a while and they're all just exchanging desperate looks while the music plays. And he just disengages out of Ireena’s grip, and backs off against the nearest wall to spend his turn sobbing and nothing else.

The wizard and Ireena actually did really good irl persuasion here, I was SO conflicted as was Kaspar I thought I was about to start crying fr bc Kaspar was so scared and torn like I don't want to be in this prison but I don't want to leave either I don't know what to do I'm just an awful human being and a traitor either way. Had Strahd not been so cold and threatening earlier this would not have worked. But seeing as his anger made Kaspar feel nothing but rejected and useless despite his best, cruelest, unforgivable efforts, he considers the people he spent the last few weeks with, and all they did together. And what Kelemvor would want him to do even if he is undead now.

NEXT ROUND Kaspar, scared as shit that it might kill him instead, shuffles a few steps and feeling like throwing up casts flame strike on Strahd to get that radiant damage in. The pillar of holy fire descends on Strahd, scorching him along with the wizard’s wall of fire.

Ireena, now with the Sunsword, and Ez who got healed in the meantime, both run up to Strahd, and both whiff horribly. The sword completely flickers out AGAIN. Strahd is looking a little worse for wear but still disarms Ez.

Mordenkainen is nearly dead as a shadow keeps draining his strength (he was down to 3 STR). The fighter just can't make his CON save to end Strahd’s Power Word Pain 4 rounds in a row. Strahd gets caught by Bigby’s Hand, but breaks out soon after, casts Maddening Darkness which fills the whole chapel. Nobody can see anything and we're all taking tons of damage, and Strahd vanishes without a trace.

When Strahd finally appears again, only Mordenkainen can see him (with Truesight). He appears directly behind Kaspar. Leans in and whispers "You were always a traitor," grapples him and drags him back a few feet like a meat shield. Pretty much nothing happens until Strahd's next turn bc everyone is stumbling around the dark and chugging potions casting magic missile into the darkness because even the Sunsword is struggling to make more than a few feet of visibility. Strahd again leans down to Kaspar’s ear and whispers "Why am I letting you cast all those spells?" (insight check 21, why indeed??) and he casts silence around Kaspar’s head.

Kaspar's turn now. Crying. The deafening silence feels horrible. He's freaking out bc he knows Strahd could just rip him in half, and he can't cast anything. So he does the only thing he can do well, apparently. Twists around and bites into Strahd's neck, hard.

(Fear Not This Night playing as the following is happening)

The darkness and mad cackles filling the room begin to quiet and dissipate. Finally, everyone can see Strahd, Kaspar's fangs in his neck, as they’re both in a grapple, wisps of mist pouring in from the windows above them.

Strahd, with the hint of a grin in his voice whispers "Even without me, you won't ever be able to resist biting…", then slowly fades into mist and vanishes. Complete silence. Kaspar slides onto the floor w Strahd's blood dripping from his mouth. The fighter FINALLY snaps out of the pain. Everyone, except Strahd and the artificer, is alive even if just barely.

Ireena is actually the first person to go up to Kaspar and pick him up. She offers a formal handshake which he hesitantly accepts, and then just pulls him into a tight hug (both Kaspar and me irl trying to not start bawling).

We all hug and cry it out (also irl) and we march to Strahd's study to get the diamonds we need for Raise Dead. In Strahd's study we also find the holy symbol of Kelemvor that Strahd made Kaspar hand over earlier. Ashamed to look at it or hold it, Kaspar shoves it in a pocket, but not before reviving our sweet tortle artificer (muttering really quietly ”My Lord, Great Guide... I pray you guide this soul back to us, as it was not yet his time. I love you. I am so sorry.”).

We all go down, Kaspar hanging back, looking at the floor in shame, and find Rictavio / van Richten (???? bruh??) just about to stake Strahd. He and Ez hug it out. Everyone’s hand on the stake, we finish Strahd together.

Kaspar’s epilogue:

Kaspar doesn’t feel like he can go back. And he likes Barovia without the mist. He wants to help those who haven’t left the land and sets up in the abbey in Krezk, with Vasilka and Pidlwick II. He offers medicinal and healing services free of charge while also researching a cure and such with Ez and van Richten who also stay in Barovia. Van Richten takes a while to get used to the huge fangs on Kaspar especially when the guy can’t hold back and be a fanboy (he read all of Rudolph’s books of course). Occasionally he gets letters from the others who all left separate ways soon after Strahd's death.

He definitely does surgical experiments on himself since he has the benefit of regeneration. Convinces himself it's for research and not a horrible, elaborate form of self harm for his crippling guilt. Healing and all other cleric spells cause him discomfort and best and severe pain at worst, as does spending time at the abbey. Casts Commune often just to have some contact w Kelemvor (if it even is him responding...). Mental health in shambles but he's surviving. I wouldn’t call him redeemed, or a good person, but he’s trying to do some good because what other choice does he have?

He also travels to Ravenloft to cast Gentle Repose on Rahadin's remains, as he promised (to Strahd) he would. At some point he starts talking to the corpse and looking forward to these "meetings" just because he starts going bonkers from the isolation and fruitless cure research.

Secret Extra Saucy Actual Ending which the DMs last second decided to not tell everyone because our epilogues were so wholesome it might have soured the mood if we were all present, but I assume it to be canon because of course it is and my lord the sweet, sweet grimdarkness of it:

Barovia. About two decades later. It’s a cold, foggy night. The mist is thick. Familiar, you could say. Kaspar is at the abbey, maybe cleaning up in the surgery room, or praying, when he hears a door creak. Hears footsteps, approaching. And finally hears a familiar voice behind him.

"Did you really think you could kill your deity?"

Kaspar proceeds to have a miserable, painful remainder of his long, long unlife fit for someone who betrays Strahd after swearing loyalty. Maybe eventually a new group of adventurers finds their way into Ravenloft and finds him either an obedient, mindbroken servant, or a feral creature begging for death. But at least Ireena and the rest of the victorious party will never hear of the fate that eventually caught up with him.

extra: final battle playlist

extra extra: kaspar's corruption arc playlist

#curse of strahd #dnd #strahd von zarovich #ocs #kaspar #strahd squad #cos

133 notes · View notes

adventuringblind · 20 days

Note

Hi! I really liked your magical realism AU! Would it be possible for you to explain it a bit more? Like- how do levels work? Does it mean that the higher the level the more powerful the element you have is? Who is the most powerful member of the grid in your AU? Also, if you had a level/ability, what would it be?

Also also, you're a really good writer, just wanted to say 💗. Thank you for exploring some heavier topics in your writing and allowing readers to be a bit more vulnerable too!

There is like... so much here honestly. World building is my absolute favorite part of writing AU's because not one is the same! Obviously there are other magical realism AU's similar but this one is mine and I spent literal days figuring this out

In all honesty - you hit my sweet spot with this question. Below is my long ass rant about this AU along with an info dump. Gonna start creating tags for it since it's picking up more traction!

So I spent more time than I want to admit playing around with certain concepts. The rating system was a big one for me because it allows for abilities to manifest in different ways.

I started out calling it a 'scary rating' because I thought it was funny and now I head cannon they use it for fun. Rating is so... boring.

The scale is a 1-10 system. ! is the least powerful where 10 is the most. the most common are 4-7 simply because of how these energies manifest themselves.

The EU's (energy users) are more or less feared. I've deemed this as part of human evolution. It's not some kind of lab experiment gone wrong, just humans adapting to things in the environment.

That being said - Energies are more or less sentient. It's something I plan to explore in later fics. This comes into play a lot in Mend Me because I wrote an entire scene of energies either meshing or not.

In that fic, the protagonist is a level 10 meaning her energy is really high. People feel it because it's strong. Lando is a three (I think) and should not be able to be in the room with her but is able to manage because their energies meld together well.

One of the big things I stumbled across while building is that kind of dynamic. I tried explaining to a few people and it wasn't making sense so I had to rework it a few times. Here is the condensed explanation:

Energies are a natural thing and the next step in human evolution

They have their own personalities and often work with their human counter part versus working for them

Because normal humans fear the unknown and crave control, they came up with the identifying bands

All EU's are required to wear one

It shows their ability category (more on that later), their rating, and acts a suppressor band

Because EU's aren't allowed to be out without them on, the normal humans never adapted to the presence of energies and can't stomach being around anything 4 or higher. 1-3 still messes with them but not as severely.

Due to energies not being allowed to interact with each other and work together as intended, other EU's have to make a point to spend time together without their suppressor bands on in order to gain that familiarity

If you take it a step further you can even use it for different relationships. Pierre and Esteban for example might not work together well because their energies simply clash.

The rating system depends on a lot of different factors really! A level 1 who manipulates water might be able to make a bubbles and that's it. Where a level 10 could make a tsunami and then go for a mile run. A level 8 might be able to make that tsunami, but doing anything after would just be painful.

Now onto the fun part: Powers! I want to note that there are the main branches of powers, the actual power type, and then the sub categories of how that power might manifest. Bare with me here as this isn't all flushed out yet!

Also for references: EU's make up a little less then half the human population. I don't have the time to calculate what it would be in terms of the entire population for these statistics so don't be upset with me please T_T

Healers make up 3% of the EU population. Know by their white arm bands w/ black stripe in the middle (or the reverse Oreo technically speaking).

Witchers (healing but same name twice was driving me insane)

Alchemists

Energy Readers

Mind make up 8% of the EU population. Know by their light blue arm bands.

Telekenetic

Mind Reader

Mind control

Precognition

Illusion

Fazing

Illusion

Psychometry

Empath

Shifters make up 12% of the EU population. They have a bronze arm band but the shifter type is outlined on it (paw print, body, shape).

Animal

Partial

Body Mod

Inanimate (this one was for giggles really)

Sound makes up 11% of the EU population. Their arm bands are gold with vertical gray stripes.

Vocal Flux

Music

Language

Mimicry

Body makes up 15% of the EU population. Known by orange arm bands.

Speed

Strength

flying

Size Alteration

Agility

Druids makes up 9% of the EU population. Known by a Green armband w/ brown stripe in the middle

Animal communication

sentient creation

Plant communication (Lorax style)

Fabricators

Sensory makes up 17% of the EU population and have purple arm bands.

Sight

Smell

Hearing

Taste

Touch

Reapers make up 3% of the EU population. Know by their black arm bands w/ a white stripe in the middle (The real Oreo cookie).

death touch

dream walking

judges

channeling

Primary Elementals make up 12% of the EU population. They have gray armbands w/ a colored strip in the middle indicating element.

Water

Earth

Fire

Air

Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked

Secondary Elementals make up 10% of the EU population. Plain black arm bands because there are to many of them to pick a way to diversify!

Metal

Shadow

Weather

Electricity

Light

There's a ton of details about each of of these but that would require another post. For now, I'll finally answer the questions!

The most powerful in my own head is Carlos because I made him a shifter. A level 8 BEAR. Why? because I can. I like to experiment though so that's my own fantasy world. However, if you see a consistent stream of bear Carlos that's why.

If I personally had an ability I'd have to Say a Witcher (leave the name alone! Saying healer twice is weird to meeee!). The reason is wildly morbid...

Draw backs of being a Witcher (healer) is what I like to call a wound transfer. I - much to everyone's displeasure - have intrusive thoughts about hurting myself in incredibly morbid ways. Getting to heal one person and hurting myself in the process? Sounds like a win-win to me!

#Ren's.inbox #MagicalRealism #Ren's.thoughts #im sorry #not really #spent hours answering this T_T

4 notes · View notes

beesrpblog · 2 months

Note

I am really curious to finally hear your answer to this: Why do you dislike D&D so much compared to traditional roleplay?

Oh boy, this is gonna be a big one. I'll just be using the word "vanilla roleplay" for the roleplay I do, which includes responding to others using text, sometimes images, but without any stats or things like that.

To be clear if you enjoy D&D I am happy for you. This is an explanation of my own tastes, not a "factually one is better over the other" thing. I am also not coming to anyone's table and demanding they do things my way, because people always seem to assume that. But if people invite me to their table, I will be honest about my needs. Also, this is long.

The Lack of Freedom

I think the thing people find intimidating about vanilla roleplay that I appreciate most is just the amount of freedom it comes with. You dictate every aspect of your character and how much of that info you let be known. You can make them whatever creature you want, have fun with their appearance and abilities, and there's really no limits to what kind of background or skills you can give them to make sure it fits your vision just right. Yes, in the wrong hands people can make overly powerful or even perfect characters just as much as they can make pitiful meow meows, but at the same time, that's kind of the fun of vanilla roleplay.

Going from that to having to read rule books to understand what I can and can't apply to a character, having to pick from a set of races, and having to roll for things just isn't as appealing. I have no issues with having like, classes, abilities, and some rules applying to that to prevent people from being overpowered and so there is some sense of order, but outside of that I find the stats overwhelming and feel like I'm being put into a corner. Heck, I wouldn't even mind a D&D game where a DM makes their own world with their own races and lets people know ahead of time those are the races available, but putting such limitations as just the basic D&D thing to do again, doesn't appeal to me.

Within vanilla roleplay, it is entirely up to you what your character is capable of and what they are not. Again, this can come with risks, but it also gives one more control over their character and helps them encourage a roleplay in a direction they enjoy too. I don't agree that D&D's strictness would be the answer to those risks regardless. There is no "roll and find out", and, for the most part, when it is only concerning your character and as long as it is reasonable, you are allowed to set those limits. This gives individuals more power to just roleplay rather than a lot of actions being down to luck. It is also seen as good form to have personal rules or ask others before going to certain places (I'll get more into that in my second point).

All in all, I think vanilla roleplay really appeals to people who may have or gravitate towards pre-existing characters and struggle to create new ones. Because you are allowed to set the rules and give context, it's easy to help people get on the same level of characters they're not familiar with. But, with D&D, it seems a lot easier to create a new character, and while characters can be translated over, you'd either need help or need to be invested in these systems and rules to make it doable. A lot of a character's essence may be condensed or cut away because it does not fit within the rules.

Minimal Safety Nets

The biggest difference between vanilla roleplay and D&D that bothers me the most is the lack of consent checks within D&D. In D&D, it is seen as normal for you to basically put your character up for the poking where they might die or who knows what else. So long as you are bringing them to the table. This is an expectation you might find among some vanilla roleplayers, but never as the norm, and it has to be specified first.

There are also more safety nets in vanilla roleplay because not only is it normal for people to create personal rules, but the creators are recognized as the ultimate authorities over their characters' fates and what they want their characters to be exposed to. This is something that is discussed up front and isn't something to be chipped away at or compromised. If individuals aren't compatible roleplaying together, they just aren't.

I wish I could find the post again, but I remember once reading a post that described perfectly how D&D has an ownership issue when it comes to characters, and that is what causes D&D's biggest problems for some. Meaning DMs aren't seen as needing to ask permission to kill off characters just like that, and it is seen as simply "the result of your decisions". It doesn't matter the context, taking risks and trying to explore the world can be penalized. DMs also have so much control over a character's arc. If a DM puts something in your path as a story point, it isn't very normalized to outright reject engagement with it due to personal discomfort or other reasons.

Which, DMs plus death is our next topic, because my goodness can both things combined put a damper on playing your character the way you want and just having a blast exploring the fantasy world you're supposed to be enjoying.

The Presence of a DM

I remember my dislike of the DM system was really strengthened when I was a part of a campaign and, outside of the goof and gaffs, the DM had to warn me that my health was low and that I should "be more careful". Yes, I had been doing some risky antics, such as using a palm tree to comedically catapult myself into a ship to get it moving, for instance. But that was a part of the fun, and, when the others were unsure how to approach situations, I was the one volunteering to do stuff to help get them out of their shells. The moment I was asked to "lessen" my antics, I could feel the whole mood just melt like a popsicle. But, within the rules of D&D, the DM was "forced" to be a buzzkill.

I also very vividly remember going on vacation with a few people and the subject of D&D was brought up. There was a DM and player in my group, and during dinner one time, the player was begging to be allowed to have an animal companion or pet, but the DM kept shutting them down. I was just baffled listening to the conversation and seeing how much power a DM had to ruin someone's fun in real time, as if they were a teacher or parent meant to "keep everyone in line". Which I guess they are, but there's a balance that can and should be struck.

DMs are in charge of the world, which essentially means they are in charge of everything else that goes into a campaign. Who you meet, the opportunities you are given, the dangerous or stressful scenarios you are put into, and, often times, that means punishing risks or having the ability to punish certain behaviors for fun or because the DM thinks the player deserves it.

Because D&D is so focused on death, everything you do risks being not just punished, but completely ending a character you put time and energy into making. Their arc is ended when the game or DM decides you die, and though some people might argue players have agency to prevent this through their choices, I'll go over later why I just don't agree with that. And I know some people are reading this like "that's what makes it fun!" but that kind of set up just really isn't fun for some people, myself included. It takes away from the reward of exploring a world to me.

Then there's the second issue, how much D&D focuses on fighting, so let's get back to the "player agency" thing. I don't agree with it because D&D is a game where you are almost always expected to fight in order to proceed and progress the story. If you refuse to enter a fight, you're seen as not being a cooperative player and potentially condemning your fellow players to death. So the best way you can survive and the behavior you are rewarded for is being cut throat and crappy. When the only option to make your character survive is to not play, how is there any player agency in this? And no, I don't count putting a player in a situation where they need to leave the table as agency within the game. Players and the DM almost feel in direct opposition to each other at times. Which again, is a set up that is perfect for some and really bad for others.

So, as long as a DM wants to mess with their players even a little bit, they have so much power and information to do so. If a DM knows something will upset a player, they have the full power to make that thing a reality, which some players will get a kick out of and will just ruin other's fun. No matter how much a player wants something, despite the fact its their character in question, they have to ask the DM first. And, again, usually and socially, there are very little limitations put on DMs to prevent them from tipping the scales, or encouraging players to speak out if something the DM has decided on is making them uncomfortable.

Some DMs, not all, really have the vibes of individuals who wouldn't get roleplayed with much in vanilla roleplay circles because they're not big on collaboration and have no qualms throwing others into sticky and uncomfortable situations without warning. And honestly good for them, some people like the challenge and it's the kind of RP that works for them. But if I'm not going to roleplay with them to begin with, I wouldn't come to their table either.

To someone like me, the presence of a DM very quickly starts to feel like if someone were watching over my vanilla roleplays, constantly telling me the "rules", dictating the actions of side characters, and adding an air of randomness on top of what my fellow roleplayers already bring to the table that could, potentially, majorly take away from the experience. Which then causes me to ask the question "why would I want a DM around when they stop me from actually roleplaying and interacting with others' characters just so we can be suppressed with stats and killing every creature in our path?"

Don't get me wrong, I personally don't 100% hate the idea of a DM. I think, in roleplays with more than two people, it can be nice to have someone to sort of mediate and help guide things along, so long as they're not pushing "progression" too much that takes focus away from the characters. And world building can be tiring, so I totally get the appeal of having someone deal with the "big" world stuff and operating the world within a roleplay, even if I still think more collaboration would be beneficial.

But the things I said above still make me, overall, dislike the power dynamics within D&D when it comes to DMs.

Cut Throat City

D&D as a concept isn't necessarily bad for casual players, and it can be used for more casual roleplay in the sense of an individual (a DM) helping to guide players through a fantasy adventure with challenges to overcome and surprise elements. But I think it's very telling that so many D&D players and DMs wince back at the idea of introducing risks that don't include death and offering more control to the players.

But many of the players that dominate D&D currently are of the cut throat nature, enjoying play with lots of risk and having their characters put through the ringer. I can't tell you how many people I know who defend death ridden D&D who also adore games like Blood/borne. Individuals who I've had to carefully explain to why I just can not get into those games at all. What is "well designed" to them is just aggravating to me, and systems they can latch onto just don't function in my brain. Nothing wrong with that, but when these players are the majority, other players are basically told they aren't welcome in the community or to simply not come to the table at all, which is so disheartening when the basic idea of D&D is fun.

Overall, the community doesn't have enough awareness towards aspects of D&D that ultimately make it super stressful and not accessible to some individuals within the roleplay community. Obviously, no one has to change their playstyle and I understand how the things I dislike are things other people will really love, I just wish individuals like me were more welcome in the community so we could find each other, and our struggles with the game weren't dealt with so harshly.

And I do want to touch on that accessibility part, because that is ignored so much by the community, and helps answer your question the most. I have mood swing problems, which contributes to me being more sensitive to the sudden mood shifts outside of myself. When I get low, I get low, so it is not a fun time for me when my comfort things are permanently screwed or removed in any context.

This would include beloved character deaths or feeling like my hard work has been discarded. The low that would come from the suddenness or uncontrollable nature of death in D&D, knowing that character I was enjoying playing is completely out of the picture now, would take away all the fun for me and just leave me in a majorly depressed state. I also have brain fog, which makes trying to remember stats and strict rules so difficult and stressful.

The solution to these problems? "Either toughen up, get good, or don't come to the table". Complete rejection or, in other cases, completely ignoring or trying to soften any changes that would need to be made, which ultimately doesn't solve the issue. Pretty much on point to how I have been treated as a drama queen or stupid most of my life due to these issues, and not allowed to participate in certain things.

This is why D&D isn't just not my thing, but I also have a pretty deep resentment towards it, and anytime I am invited to a table I feel so uncomfortable because it's almost guaranteed that not only would the table not be able to provide for my needs, but I'd be also be seen as a prima-donna for having them.

And if anyone is like "but removing the stats and danger of death removes the basics of D&D", you are allowed to feel that way. For me, I need my roleplays to have a plot, no matter how simple, or I lose interest, it feels less like roleplay to me and more like just spitting randomness back and forth without one. Yet plenty of people roleplay that way and have fun with it. Either way, it doesn't mean anyone is wrong for wanting to take an alternative path that suits them.

Conclusion

So, for me as a vanilla roleplayer, D&D just doesn't offer me much, if anything it is a huge downgrade for someone who likes having more control over their characters and needs to avoid certain scenarios. I can understand the appeal when it comes to potential stakes and having a rule set to work within. For some people they thrive in that environment. Just not me.

#tw vent

3 notes · View notes

plantaffinity · 1 year

Text

Energy crisis. Tips that actually keep you warm in your home.

Rugs on your floors. This has been used ever since people started living in houses. Don't underestimate rugs and carpets.

Covering the windows with f.ex blankets or newspapers or anything else. Windows aren't very well isolated, it's just glass so they really cool down the air inside. This is why they had smaller and fewer windows in the past.

Wear warmer clothes. If you're warm, you warm up the space as well.

Close doors (you could isolate them with blankets or newspapers too) between rooms to keep one room warmer than others. This is quite literally why old houses have so many rooms and walls, to keep the heat where they need it to be. Rooms that don't need to be very warm could be cellars, hallways, guest rooms. Prioritize.

If you have a small space and want everywhere to be the same temp, stop closing the doors between the rooms. Some rooms definitely have better or worse heating in the radiators, and that heat might be trapped in a room that you don't need to be that warm, often happens with bathrooms.

After you've cooked using an oven, open the oven door. You can keep it on at a lower heat (if you have a high heat you risk melting plastic buttons or harming other things close to the oven, maybe even causing fires) if you're ready to pay the bills for that electricity, but if you're trying to save money I suggest you turn the oven off before opening it.

Blankets in layers. I usually do a thin one first, then a fluffy/chunky one (the "chunk" works like isolation. Duvets, fluff blankets or crochet blankets work well) and then a big, thick blanket on top. I have no science to back my preference, so you can try other combinations.

Tea lights. They actually warm the space up marginally, but I have no idea if it's worth the money and how many you would need to actually make a difference, so proceed with caution and don't assume it's cheaper, instead do research on it.

Invite people over. Humans are warm, kinda like having a really big tea light. But humans also move around, creating air flow and warming up the air. An alternative would be to invite dogs over but I don't know how that would work, and many dogs have isolated fur so might not warm you up that much (their body heat doesn't escape into the air as much)

Open the door when or after you shower. You'll share the warm air with the rest of the house. A warning though, there might be condensation on your windows, and depending on how cold it is outside this could cause ice to build on your windows so be careful if you do this.

Move around. Clean your house or exercise or do a stretching session or yoga. You'll create warmth and you'll feel warmer, too.

Free space around your radiator. A lot of people have their radiators covered up by a huge sofa, so the radiator warms up the back of the sofa and not much else. Release him from his prison.

Additionally, furniture can also be used as isolation. Place big bulky furniture (like sofas, bookshelves, chests, anything with drawers) against an outer wall or a wall next to a room that's colder.

That's all I have for now, feel free to share your tips as well but I want this to be assembled info that is actually useful, so no "Diy radiator" or whatever. I'd prefer if tips were old methods that humans have used for a very long time that we underestimate nowadays because we live so comfortably without them.

29 notes · View notes

scyanako · 1 year

Note

I just found your art and the ✨COLORS✨ I love so much. I like… can’t wrap my brain around how you do it or how you decide which color goes where for such pretty effects. You wouldn’t happen to have any tips for another artist would you??

WWW,,, thanks so much!!! I'm so happy that you think so 🥰!!

I'm actually working on a visual guide on how I go about it- since it's a looot of info! (Which I'll post as soon as I get finished with it...just a lot of editing haha)

But, basically the short-ish(?) ...okay, pretty long answer- is broken down into this:

First things first, how I pick colors is based upon these three things....

Theme/mood (i.e. Using holiday themed colors…etc, and asking mood questions like is the character happy, or angry? That would influence the colors!)

Symbolism (Any colors that would symbolise that character?)

Ol’ reliables (If I don’t know what colors to choose, I tend to fall on certain colors since their gradience look neat to me!)

I basically pick and choose colors in that order- sometimes I only pick from one category, and other times I pick from several. It varies a lot from drawing to drawing!

Once I pick the colors, I try breaking down these colors into 3-color gradients. Starting with a darker color on top, to a lighter color on bottom.

For example, Sylvain here:

(^^Sylvain is unique in that he has two color gradients instead of just one! More complex than normal, but it makes a good example, though!)

...I then use those gradient colors throughout the drawing. And if things get too focused on certain colors, I try branching out to different colors here and there to spice things up.

As for figuring out which color goes where- ...honestly, I'm not sure about my 'science' behind it (and I'm really random on what goes where!) 😅

What I will say, though, is that it takes a lot of practice to figure out how to get the colors juuuuuust right!

And even though I’ve been drawing for a long time now, I sometimes get stuck on what colors to choose every so often...so don't worry if you can't piece it together right away or get "stuck" on pieces!

(And what one artist chooses to use, another artist would choose something completely different! It’s all based on preference/what works for you specifically)

So, the main takeaway from this is to-

....experiment and play around with colors! Anything is fair game! Overtime, you'll grow to figure out your own coloring style in due time :)

Anyways, I wish you luck on your art!! And thanks so much for the question! If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!

(´• ω •`)b✨✨

(and sorry I couldn’t condense the answer into less words wwWW-)

Oh, and summary of tips/stuff for easy reference:

(The colors) varies a lot from drawing to drawing!

If things get too focused on certain colors, I try branching out to different colors here and there to spice things up.

It takes a lot of practice to figure out how to get the colors juuuuuust right!

Don't worry if you can't piece it together right away or get "stuck" on pieces!

It’s all based on preference/what works for you specifically

(And the most important-) Experiment and play around with colors! Anything is fair game! Overtime, you'll grow to figure out your own coloring style in due time :)

#asks #coloring

6 notes · View notes

mediaevalmusereads · 11 months

Text

The Prince of Prohibition. By Marilyn Marks. 2023.

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

Genre: romantic historical fantasy

Part of a Series? Yes, Fae of the Roaring Age #1

Summary: Adeline Colton was cursed. Everyone in Georgia knew the devil walked her farm, and maybe they were right, because each month she had . . . dreams. Visions of a dark prince and a shadowed forest. A creature so wrong, temptation lurked beneath her skin.

So after escaping to New York City, it’s no surprise when her bad fortune follows. Only this time, it’s in the form of Jack Warren: millionaire bootlegger, infamous gangster, and criminal who makes Addie his fervent obsession.

Jack is everything Addie should avoid, but the more she resists his pull, the deeper she’s drawn into his extravagant world. Lured by a life of freedom and desire, Adeline must make a choice: heed her family’s warnings or follow Jack into the dark. But when fate binds them together, Jack is revealed to be something else—not man, not beast, not even the devil, but a creature much, much worse.

***Full review below***

Content Warnings: blood, violence, graphic sexual content, racism/targeting by police

Overview: I came across this book while researching something or other, and since I'm continuing my streak of picking up random books without context, I went ahead and got a copy. At first I had high hopes, fairies in the 1920s seemed like an interesting premise, and I was curious to see how fae lore complimented the decadence of the Jazz Era. Unfortunately, this book became way too quickly stuffed with too many things, and the plot didn't build in a way that kept me engaged. Because I also didn't really connect with the protagonist and I found the prose wanting, this book only gets 2, maybe 2.5 stars from me.

Writing: While I don't necessarily think the prose in this book is bad at a sentence level, I do think altogether, the writing primarily suffers from repetition, poor pacing, info dumping, and a lack of atmosphere.

For repetition, I often felt like the author would use some of the same descriptions over and over again (like Jack's serpent/amber colored eyes) or else saturate her prose with swear words in order to make the narration and dialogue feel more edgy. I'm not against characters swearing, but when it's overused, the prose starts to feel pretty stale. Unfortunately, that's what happened here (at least for me).

As for pace, this book is over 500 pages long and so much of it could have been condensed. There are quite a few details or scenes that didn't have much bearing on the plot, so eliminating them could have gone a long way towards making the pace feel more appropriate.

As for info dumping, a lot of information is withheld from the reader until about the 20% mark, at which point all the worldbuilding and contextual information is dumped on the reader. The characters simply explain everything to our confused protagonist, and this happens every time there is some new information that is needed (though the author would not craft a scene where that information could be shown or integrated more naturally). Personally, I don't enjoy it when books do world and plot building this way because it makes information hard to absorb in a meaningful way. I would much rather have the author dial back the worldbuilding and really think about what is needed for the story and what feels like is beyond the scope of the narrative.

Lastly, I felt like Marks could have done a better job at making the setting feel more atmospheric. Though this book takes place during the 1920s, I don't think the setting gives the story much flavor aside from the stray mention of a speakeasy or Jack's bootlegging. Given that the 1920s are known for decadence, I would have loved to see how the fae took advantage of that and how the aesthetics of the 20s can be integrated with fae tropes. (As a side note: the lack of atmosphere/setting is even more apparent when the author fails to correct basic historical references. For example, Addie calls the war "World War I" which wouldn't have been the term for it in the 1920s. Also, Jack is said to wear boxers as underwear, which would also strikes me as unlikely as they weren't invented until 1925 and this book takes place in 1926.)

Plot: The plot of this book follows Adeline Colton, a girl with the ability to see through faerie glamor and who is forced to move from small town Georgia to New York City. While in New York, she encounters a number of strange figures, including Jack Warren - her mysterious landlord and a major employer. Addie is inexplicably drawn to Jack and learns that they are tethered together by a magical bond from Addie's childhood. As a result, she finds herself drawn into a plot to aid the fae against the evil plans of an immortal druid.

The plot of this book was... a lot. Not only did we have Addie's personal journey of uncovering her past, but we had a huge narrative about the conflict between exiled fae and one particular druid. On top of that, there were references to a whole bunch of magical creatures (like wyverns) and an alternate history of the Knights Templar that just made the worldbuilding overwhelming. In my opinion, there was too much to wrap my head around, and I had a really hard time feeling invested in any of the individual plot threads because so much was being thrown at me all at one time.

On top of that, it takes about 200 pages for the meat of this plot to really get roasting. The first section of the book is primarily focused on Addie growing up, moving to NYC, and then encountering Jack and the fae. While not a problem in itself, the fact that it took so long to get to the magical plot meant that I was already pretty exhausted as a reader by page 200. If the first part had been condensed, I think I would have had the mental bandwidth to get more excited for the main plot.

Characters: Addie, our narrator and protagonist, is a bit of a mixed bag. The times I liked her best were when she was thinking about her family and how she felt about them. Most of this occurs within the first few chapters, which I maintain are some of the strongest. I really liked the blend of "old world" superstition and small town Christianity, and I loved the way the author describes the effect of World War I on Addie and her brother.

However, once Addie is thrown into the world of the fae, she got a little irritating. Because she's in over her head, she doesn't make good decisions, and she lacks a lot of agency. While somewhat understandable, I wish more was done to show how Addie could use her wits to navigate unfamiliar territory; instead, it felt like she was making mistakes that we, as readers, knew were mistakes (like mistrusting Jack), which in turn made me less likely to sympathize with her. Granted, this gets better as the book progresses; she becomes more agentive and a lot of her character growth involves her learning to assert herself. However, it felt a little unbalanced to have Addie basically stumbling her way through each major plot point while surrounded by much more competent magical beings.

Speaking of Jack, I personally found him to be a little bland. He doesn't have much personality, and even though we're told over and over again that he's a bootlegger and a gangster, he doesn't have that edge to him that would make me think he's dangerous. As a result, Addie running away from him and disliking him so fiercely seems foolish.

Other supporting characters were fun, and some of them even had touching moments with Addie. It seemed like all the other fae in Jack's circle had more chemistry with Addie than Jack did, which made me enjoy the moments when they were interacting more than the romance. Lillian and Violet were perhaps my favorite, as they had more screen time, but I didn't really find fault with any of the side characters.

Romance: Though I wouldn't call this a romance novel, I have a few things to say about the romance between Addie and Jack. The two are magically bonded through something called a "parallel bond" which is not only rare and contains a lot of magic potential, but also means that the two share a soul and are soul mates. The bond also makes them incredibly horny for one another, no matter how hard Addie tries to fight it.

These types of magical bonds aren't my favorite kinds of tropes because I feel like it deprives characters of romantic and sexual agency. Without the bond, there's little reason for the two of them to fall for one another aside from Jack being obscenely attractive, so I felt like the bond was inserted to avoid doing the work of showing the two coming together.

TL;DR: The Prince of Prohibition is a book with an interesting premise, but ultimately lacks the storytelling craft needed to pull it off. Between repetitive prose, overwhelming worldbuilding, a main character who is overshadowed by her companions, and a lack of atmosphere, I couldn't connect with the story and ultimately, have little interest in continuing the series.

2 notes · View notes

rigelmejo · 1 year

Text

5-2-2023 some updates since I haven't posted in a while

My Japanese progress is. Well it's going. I STILL just do not listen to glossika as much as I say I should. That said, I'm considering Watching sailor moon in japanese. Maybe that'll kick me up a level of understanding? Maybe???

There's a YouTube called Game Gengo, he's a fucking delight. I watched his Final Fantasy IX vocabulary learning video today and it just. He's such a good teacher I think. They remind me of being in a fast paced but genuinely fun in person class. He says how many vocabulary he'll teach at the start (which I find valuable as a student you can decide if it teaches ENOUGH to be worth watching for your time). He repeats words and reminds, so you get reinforcement of the words he's explained when they come up again continuously, which helps with remembering words. He moves quickly enough you don't get bored and feel it's too in depth. But it is in depth, just snappy, so you could rewatch to retain more. It uses games you enjoy so it's fun and the context helps with remembering. And he is a good presenter with a pleasant and clear English and Japanese voice. Just excellent videos, I should really watch them more than I do. They work excellent as a podcast too! You do NOT need to see the video to learn from them, you can learn with listening alone which is a plus for me. But the video has useful dictionary info listed and japanese spelling etc.

I've been watching some Japanese bl lately and it's so weird cause. Well Our Dining Table uses SO much basic vocabulary I could probably follow it perfectly fine without subs. Then The Pornographer is like half daily life language I'm very good at now, half That Sounds Familiar. And Miu414 (not bl) I also know at least half. I feel I should be forcing myself to watch more Japanese with Japanese subs, as I'm probably at a point where I'd pick up a lot. Japanese LISTENING skill seems significantly better than in the past. Still a LONG way to go, but fun.

I also still wanna try listening reading with a Japanese audio drama but.. I'm so lazy

Chinese progress? Absolutely Baffling

I've been listening to audio drama or audiobook of 默读 like every single day. The days I don't, I listen to Ice Fantasy condensed audio. I have made Enough to progress to be at the point where everything I don't understand is super annoying and noticeable to me. But also when I watch cdramas I realize I understood all the audio words and wonder why I'm even leaving rhe English subs on when they're so wrong sometimes (I've been watching Till The End of the Moon lol). I'm leaving the eng subs on cause I'm lazy. We know ToT. But my point is. I can DEFINITELY tell my listening skills are improving. But with novels the books are still SO HARD to listen to only and catch every detail.

It's so frustrating noticing just how much I do not know/understand. But at the same time, I do think my plan of "just listen MORE to audiobooks and they'll get easier and you'll learn more" is working. For one? I can tell I expect and predict certain word clauses when people speak or the narration is on a paragraph. And that word predicting makes my comprehension of what I DO know much faster. Then second? I do notice I'm gradually picking up more new words. Partly because I do now have a whole "frame" of support words to reliably understand now. When I hear a sentence now its like this "one could say, Guo changcheng was a X, he stayed up all night afraid of the phone" and I have a WAY easier time guessing that X. Whereas before it used to be a slow slog to recognize the words so I'd maybe recognize them After hearing a whole sentence as the next started, worsening my ability to comprehend the NEXT sentence etc. It used to be "Something? Guo changcheng was a X, something NIGHT scared of PHONE" Then as the next sentence audio would start id make a guess for the somethings and the X. But now the somethings i tend to recognize AS I hear them. Improving overall comprehension. I'm picking up BRAND new words at a slow pace but honestly not so big a deal. It's nice bringing listening skills closer to reading skills... cause my reading skills are STILL better.

Guardian audiobook is getting probably the EASIEST of the audiobooks i hear. In part cause I know what scenes to guess the context I hear places them in, making guessing unknown or "something vaguely familiar" words much easier

#progress #rant #update

4 notes · View notes

belltrigger · 2 years

Note

What’s like going on in that picture why is Wife Ingo so mad, does Mermet not know about ddau ingo tendencies?

Hello anon!! So I haven't finished the post about ddIngo and ddEmmet yet. It's getting there - I went through all my chats with @glassesblu to compile all the info on it. It's 10 pages of content to sort through! o(*°▽°*)o

So, the context for ddIngo himself is kind of missing in this answer, because I want to save that for when I make the post! But don't worry, you guys will learn about him in depth soon.

As for the comic! This is gonna get long. ヾ(•ω•`)o

So, the condensed answer is that no, Mermmet does not know about ddIngo's tendencies. Mermmet is oblivious to many things, and will often brush off things he doesn't understand as 'humans just being humans.' This is *much* of the problem that Wife Ingo had with him in their life together. Mermmet would respond to his concerns or objections by saying he was being silly, or completely misinterpreting that *he* was the one causing the distress Wife Ingo felt. Mermmet had to get back on the right track while on the Train too, as a note.

Besides that, they did not get much time together in their reincarnation life - Mermmet returned to the train far sooner than ddIngo (and Wife Ingo, even though the timelines are nebulous at best). In addition to not spending much time with ddIngo in their reincarnation life, ddIngo was surprisingly appropriate to him in that life. The easiest explanation for this is that ddIngo had his connection severed from ddEmmet, but not reestablished with any other Emmet, including Mermmet. Therefore, he had no memories or particular personality instincts from his previous life; so he was sort of a 'blank slate' Ingo for their shared life.

As for why Wife Ingo is so mad! Welp, most of it has to do with how he's finally reconciling with Mermmet over how he was treated in their life together. He fought to get Mermmet to treat him affectionately while on the train; but now, ddIngo is treating Mermmet very possessively. He can tell ddIngo is mostly doing it to get a reaction out of him, and he's *heard* from a few sources that ddIngo is a dangerous and cruel version from a different universe. So some of it is anger at ddIngo using Mermmet to mess with him, some of it is jealousy at ddIngo touching *his* Emmet, and some of it is just frustration that he's even feeling these things in the first place.

#Anon ask #blankshipping #ddIngo #Blankship ddAU #Mermmet #mermmet au #wife ingo

6 notes · View notes

charmspoint · 2 years

Note

5, 9, 16, 21!

5) Do you like one shots or multi-chapters?

I heavily prefer multi chapters in both writing and reading. Writing cuz the pacing just suits me better and it feels like it gives me a lot more room to steadily explore what I want too explore. This goes for double cuz i usually tend to deal with psychological themes and it takes good time to properly unravel things like that. I also prefer reading multi chapters because I need that segmentation of story in my head. Like, i've been procrastinating reading some very fandom popular works because they have huge wordcounts all condensed into one chapter and that just looks exhausting to me, I think my upper reading limit is like 10k per chapter n even thats really pushing it. Also I comment on all the stories i read as a rule and that also helps me compartmentalize the information i received by bringing it up in the comment so when i dont get that chance i just end up forgetting like 70% of the fic by the time i get to the comment box. This is why if i'm gonna read a really long one shot i just tend to write comment notes on my phone or in word so i can properly bring up everything i want to mention.

9) Do you visualize scenes in your head before you write them? (Can you picture the setting, character body language etc)

Yeah! I usually do this while walking around and listening to music, I tend to imagine a lot of action scenes and like key emotional moments like this. But also if I'm not listening to music I'm in brain type writer mode and just sorta tell myself the scene as i walk and then takes notes on my phone for things i particularly like. So i imagine them both as actual images and as words.

16) Do you have a method for getting characters to sound/feel in character?

:) I do not and this is one of my biggest worries hgvgh i feel like every character i write just sounds more or less like me jbjh but Ker said I'm fine and here and there people praise my characterization so i figure its probably passable uwu.

21) Writers choice - pick any of these questions that you want to answer.

Lets seeeee I'm gonna pick 7) How do you edit your fics? What do you look for in your edits? cuz ive been doing the gang au prequel edit so its on my mind

So editing for me varies a lot, like some fics ill just do a quick edit and throw them out, some ill go full sicko mode (gang au) but here is the most complex it can get (again, gang au)

So I finish writing

Stage 1. First Lucy edit additional info edition - in this edit i expand scenes i think ended up too rushed and add in new scenes in places where it seems they could be of use, obviously this is optional if i think what i write is fine as it is

Stage 2. First Lucy edit actual editing edition - here I do the actual editing aka i go through the document and correct mistakes or awkward phrasing or what grammar i can pick out (not the best at that part). I pay attention to how things sound and flow and also to common mistakes Ker pointed out i make. One of mine is that i tend to get stuck on one word and repeat it thorough the chapter a lot so i try to pay attention to that (tho in the last thing ker edited they said i didnt repeat a word but i did repeat a structure so....progress?)

Stage 3. Ker edit! - I hand the doc over to Ker. Their job is primarily grammar and wording since those are my weak points but i also usually give them free hands to note on anything that seems off and ask for extra stuff depending on what im doing. Ex. Since Gang au prequel is a one shot that's being split into chapters i asked them to keep an eye on pacing and the way i segmented the fic aka if they think a chapter should end early or go on longer and be connected with another chapter and so on. I will use this opportunity to once again say that Ker is the best beta and i love them so much and they do such amazing work and they honestly helped me improve and learn a whole lot i love you Ker <3<3<3<3

Stage 4. Post Ker edit - Here is where i go through the document and fix up all the stuff Ker marked. I usually do grammar first and then go down the document fixing the 'reword this' or 'expand on this' type corrections

Stage 5. Final reread - this either happens immediately after stage 4 or some time after depending on how i'm posting but basically this is just me reading through the story again with a bit of a fresher perspective, making sure all the edits work well together and catching any overlooked mistakes

Then the story is ready to post!

ask game

#lucy blabs #ask game #answered #yuki mxivo #obvs not all stories go through all of these cuz sometimes i dont feel like i need to do stage 1 and i dont run every story through Ker cuz #im afraid Ker would die but thats like the most extensive structur

3 notes · View notes

tuiyla · 10 months

Note

Hi!! Ok so would love to hear all your thoughts on the live action atla? Have you seen the episodes titles. The thought on the casting and costumes etc. also what do you think about the LA only having 8 episodes? Also I know that the show is not going to be 100 accurate because it’s impossible but there are some things that would absolutely be a no for me if they don’t portray accurately. What are some aspects of the show that you are hoping they get right. ?

Hey bestie, sorry I'm very behind on asks in general and I was living a lesbian dramedy when you sent this in but! I'm delighted and honored to be asked about Avatar. It's my home, even after all these years, you know? So thank you for your patience, I hope you're reading this.

I've seen the ep titles and I do find them a bit strange. I've been thinking about how they're gonna adapt the entirety of book 1 into one Netflix season for so long. My thoughts and feelings on the live-action show fluctuate, after the very very brief preview and pics we got my excitement dipped tbh. The cast still looks really good but I find the way they just 1:1 replicated Aang's tattoo, well, cartoonish, and tbh while it does look better than the movie that's a low, low bar. I don't think this live-action series should even exist and it will have a hard time justifying its existence to me. A lot will ride on the special effects but ESPECIALLY the tone. My god. Tone was one of the movie's greatest offenses. I know people keep hyping this adaptation up but I'm just too jaded for it I'm afraid.

The 8 episode thing doesn't bode well. Look, book 1 of ATLA is by far the Avatar season that's hardest to adapt. Unluckily for Shymalan and this Albert Kim guy, it is the start of the story. It doesn't so much matter that they're an hour long each and I hate when people argue this makes it barely any shorter than book 1 originally was. It's not just about runtime. It's about structure, pacing, the very DNA of the book 1 adventure of the week, travel across the world formula. You can't recreate book 1's adventures faithfully in 8 hour-long episodes so some things will have to go. And to be fair, that's fine. Not just talking about The Great Divide here but in general there are episodes you can technically leave out. Careful what you lose, though, because there isn't a single episode of Avatar that isn't referenced later on in one way or another. It is very much an adventure of the week sort of thing and sure, some episodes have lesser impact than others but they all do add up. And just based on the casting announcements and what little info we do have on the show, a shit ton of the side characters from the season are going to make an appearance. So where does that leave us in terms of what's covered?

The first one is straightforward, as the bookend of the season is obvious. The Last Airbender, obviously the South Pole episodes as well as, most likely The Southern Air Temple episode as well, which would make the title more fitting. Now, do I think it's a good idea to combine these first three episodes? No. Hence my comment about runtime. Just because something fits doesn't mean it should be condensed. And then an entire episode to Warriors i.e. Kyoshi Island, and an entire one to Omashu therefore we're almost halfway through the season but have only covered the first five eps of the animation. I do think they're gonna cover more on Kyoshi Island than ATLA OG did and possible place some other chs also in Omashu, but here we are with just 5 eps left now. Spirited Away has got to be the Winter Solstice, possibly the two-parter but Into the Dark is such a vague fucking title and an outlier that who knows whether the two-parter will be a two-parter here, too. Imo it would be a mistake so I can only think instead that Into the Dark is the Jet episode. Masks is The Blue Spirit, combined with the parallel Aang and Zuko flashbacks as seen in The Storm. The North is The Northern Air Temple leading into the North Pole episodes, and that leaves us with the Siege of the North being Legends, most likely heavy on the Spirit World and the killing of the Moon.

And on first glance, this is a pretty decent structure and what I would expect them to cover. Provided I'm right, and based on the casting announcements I think I am, these are exactly the major beats I would cover. But it still leaves us with important chs like Haru and Bato potentially missing, even though, and I'm not sure about this, but I think they've been cast? I might be wrong about that. They and the episodes they're in are ones I'm more willing to sacrifice but it still makes me wonder what will be combined. That's a big thing with adaptations, combining chs or elements into one tangible block and it's usually where themes get messed up. And Avatar is so well-constructed that I think any meddling in the themes is a bad omen. I also just don't know how they're going to justify Omashu having an entire ep when the South and North Poles basically get one episode each, too. Again, I can only think of them including more in it than was in The King of Omashu originally, and also reshuffling the episode.

In terms of what I hope the most they get right, well. I'm a Katara girlie first and foremost so I do worry that the nuances of her arc as portrayed in book 1 will be lost in such a format and structure. As much as I understand not covering Imprisoned, it's crucial to understanding her character early on. So ideally it'd still be conveyed, somehow. I'm also, ngl, somewhat concerned that Kya has already been cast? Because it makes me think they'll just jump right to flashbacks even though it's super fucking important that that story only gets told at the culmination of Katara's arc in book 3. I'm afraid it will be more tell than show, and the unsaid expectation that we already know these chs and therefore don't need to establish them as well as the OG series did. But they do have to, otherwise it will not be Katara, or Sokka or Aang or Zuko, just some copy. I'm also lowkey most anxiously anticipating the Jet episode (potentially Into the Dark?) because I feel it's one that's easy to get wrong. I have strong opinions on Jet and his story. I can find the links later if you'd like lol, but he's an important foil to three main chs so his introduction here should serve as ch development for Sokka and setup for Katara, as it did in the show.

I'm not entirely against things being changed and even welcome fresh takes on the story but I mean, yeah, I have concerns. I realize this isn't very well structured and more so random thoughts but in general I just think there are a million things that could go wrong and comparatively few that could go right. I'll watch this show of course, if it ever does come out and hopefully I'll be having detailed thoughts written out here. This first look didn't exactly inspire all that much confidence even if, provided they go the way I think they will, they made the best of an 8 ep structure.

#eek here you go anon #please talk more atla to me!! i promise i'll answer #i have more thoughts on the LA but also i'm just... cautious and more often than not not that optimistic #anon #avatar asks #netflix avatar

1 note · View note

superhero--imagines · 3 years

Text

A/N: Sorry, but this has been living in my brain rent free too, my commission info is here

* Honey if you’re tall with a big butt-

* You’ve got his heart the second he lays eyes on you

* Like everything he is and everything he will be -

* Baby you can have it all if you’ll agree to be his

* If you’re not tall with a big butt, well don’t worry Yuuji’s still going to adore you it just takes a little time

* It’s not so much because he doesn’t think your smoking hot or anything-

* It’s just, well, Yuji’s kinda dumb

* So anyone outside of his immediate go-to type, it just doesn’t register in his brain

* You can bet your ass he’ll say dumb crap like-

* “Friends can hold hands right?”

* Or

* “Friends kiss sometimes, no big deal!”

* But don’t worry babe, it might take a little while, but eventually he’ll notice all these feelings he’s been categorizing as “friendly” feelings and “positive” feelings are actually Romantic feelings

* Once he finally figures it out, you won’t have to wait long-

* “Oi, (Y/N/N), want to be my lover?”

* Like seriously, not even a second after he has this ‘monumental’ realization

* After that things are pretty easy between you two

* It’s not like much has changed, he’s still your friend, and he doesn’t act any different-

* You guys were holding hands and, apparently, kissing before you were officially dating

* It’s not even that he’s greedy with the way he touches you or anything-

* I think the only thing that does change is that Yuji makes an effort to spend more time with you

* “Oi, wanna go to Shibuya this weekend? There’s a Taiyaki store I’m dying to go too”

* He makes an effort to spend time with you even when he’s not around, like sending you texts and voicemails when he’s away

* Part of the reason he’s so insistent on spending as much time with you as possible is probably because he’s not sure how much time he has left

* I think, Yuji is a really simple guy who sees the good in everyone, so he’s also kind of attracted to anyone given the right circumstances

* But I think, he especially wants someone compassionate

* Someone who will hold him during depressive episodes where he’ll wonder- what if I hadn’t joined the occult club? What if he had played track like everyone wanted? What if he had just minded his own business

* What if Megumi hadn’t followed him to the hospital that day, how different would his life be right now

* And it’s the same regret and remorse that fuels his cursed energy, but for some reason it feels like it’s magnified right now

* It feels like he might drown in this despair

* During those days you just hold him, whispering good things about the world.

* Soft things that’ll help him right now-

* Something to give him hope

* “Hot tea on a cold day” you whisper

* “The feeling of basking in sunlight after a cloudy day”

* There’s a moment of silence as you think of something else to say

* “The smell of rain, and fresh cut grass” he’ll mumble back, and you grin

* “Getting Taiyaki in Shibuya with someone you love” you reply with a grin

* “With ice cream filling and boba?”

* You laugh, what a weird combination

* “Anything you want”

* Yuji’s not the one that’s hard to get along with tbh, the one you have trouble with is Sukuna

* “You know you’ll never save him, I don’t know why you’re trying so hard”

* You would hit Sukuna if it didn’t mean slapping Yuji’s cheek too

* “Shut up what do you know”

* Honestly Yuuji’s a little surprised at the hatred Sukuna shows you

* “Shouldn’t you be happy they’re around?”

* For one because you’re around there’s been more *clears throat* romantic incidents, which of course always leave Yuji in a pretty vulnerable state

* He’s only an orgasm away from having Sukuna take over tbh

* And besides-

* You’re his weakness

* They say the sun is 92 million miles away, but he swears his sun is walking in front of him on the in Shibuya, his hand held firmly in yours

* If anything ever happened to you-

* He wouldn’t be able to live with himself, he wouldn’t be able to go on anymore.

* And that’s when the curse that lives inside him wins

* So he really doesn’t get why Sukuna’s acting like this is the worst thing to ever happen to him

* Sukuna opens an eye on Yuji’s cheek

* “I hate their kind most of all, even more than Jujutsu Sorcerers” he grumbles

* He really does hate you-

* He hates that you’re kind

* He saw your type all the time at his harem, some lowly thing relatives had sold off for money and honor-

* Or a prize from a nation he conquered

* Some dumb creature that thought you would get a reward for sacrificing yourself

* Truly idiotic

* The worst part is he’s starting to like those little fantasy’s you spin for Yuji

* He can feel the sunlight warning his skin after a cold day

* He can taste the heavy condensation of the steam that wafts off of his cup of tea, brushing against his face. The heat in direct contrast to the cold winter air

* And it hurts him to know he probably won’t feel like that again, not for a long time

* Not with you helping Yuji work through his negative feelings like you do

* So he hates you

* He hides his contempt in general, it only leaks out through an occasional insult

* “Where’s your kindness now?” He’ll jeer when you’re having a bad day

* Only for Yuuji to smack his cheek to get him to shut up

* “Ah, don’t pay any attention to him. He’s just grumpy”

* For the most part it’s nothing you can’t handle

* Really you kind of forget he’s there most of the time, until one day you see Sukuna pop out and take a bite of your Taiyaki as you hold it out to Yuji who said he wanted to taste the flavor

* “Oi that was mine!” Yuji screeches, slapping his own face while Sukuna smiles from his hand

* “You just like torturing me don’t you?” He weeps, and you offer him sympathetic pats on the back, giving him another bit of your Taiyaki

* He continues on about how Sukuna just loves to torment him, and honestly why can’t they get along when they share a body

* But your mind is elsewhere

* The next time Sikuna see’s you is when Yuji’s sleeping, the damn brat snores so loud he’s considering throttling him just to get some peace and quiet

* That’s when he hears the door creak, seeing you curling inside around it, a plastic bag in hand

* Great, the perfect end to the perfect day

* “The brats sleeping” Sukuna grumbles from Yuji’s hand-

* He would have spoken from his face but the only thing more annoying than having to deal with Yuji’s snores is having to hear the lovey-dovey crap tumble from his lips when he talks to you

* He figures you’ll leave, or maybe curl up against Yuji on the bed but instead you kneel down, your hand dipping into the plastic bag

* “I’m not here for him,” you start pulling out a Taiyaki.

* “You wanted one right?” That’s why he took a bite, because he wanted to try it too

* Though, annoying Yuji was probably an added bonus

* You hold up the Taiyaki to Sukuna’s ‘mouth’

* And he’s overcome with emotion

* It’s not like he hasn’t had concubines from his harem feed him a great number of things before -

* Like he hasn’t ever felt the tender act from one of his many lovers -

* So he hates that you’re the one that’s bringing out all these emotions in him

* And as he takes a bite from the Taiyaki he finally admits it-

* If you were in his harem, a moronic kind fool like you were one of his lovers

* You would be his favorite

* And that’s why he hates you so much

* Because just like Yuji, you’re his weakness

* “It’s not the same flavor” he mumbles

* “Sorry I couldn’t get the ice cream, it would have melted on the way here-“

* Sukuna wouldn’t have minded one bit licking the cream from your fingers, maybe he would even catch that embarrassed face you always make with the damn brat

* “So I got you a custard one, and a chocolate one, and on the off chance you weren’t in the mood for something sweet I got you a curry filled one too”

* You stumble, hand flying into the bag to pull out the other two, holding them up to him

* And despite himself, Sukuna finds the sight quite...cute

* “Well, I suppose these offerings will do for now wench” And his words are harsh, but you smile like the kindhearted fool you are.

* And that’s how Yuji starts getting pestered for “just five minutes alone with their baby”

* “Scared I’ll show them a better time than you can?” Sukuna grins

* Of course he is! Sukuna had a literal harem of lovers. Who knows what kinds of techniques he knows

* But Yuji’s pride won’t let him admit it

* Yuji scoffs

* “I’d rather die again then let you come anywhere near them”

* It’s kind like you’ve got two boyfriends

* One pink haired one that’s the literal personification of sunshine

* And another, more dark and sadistic one

* And it’s sort of a funky little relationship

* But it’s yours

* “I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world” you whisper.

* Your lips brushing against his

* Yuji wouldn’t trade you for anything either

* He loves you ❤️

1K notes · View notes

archonanqi · 3 years

Text

consequence / pt ii

⛔️ Warning: Please read the tags and warnings on the info page and proceed with caution.

🔖 [first] [prev] [next]

—

pt. ii of iii

The sky was still dark when you woke with a splitting headache. You blinked the sleep from your eyelids, eyes adjusting to the shadowy silhouettes of furniture around you. This was— one of Wangshu Inn’s rooms? You checked yourself for wounds and fractures; there was a scrape on your knee, but it had been properly dressed and bandaged.

Zhongli.

You had to get Aether and get out. You would have taken any punishment from Zhongli for breaking the contract but Aether— it was clear that Zhongli knew he could get to you through him. Your brother was in danger, too.

Stumbling to the door, you threw it open to meet the stunning Liyue night view. At the altitude of Wangshu Inn, the air was always cold and crisp, and you took a deep breath as you stepped out of the room to come face to face with a pair of familiar, bright yellow eyes.

“Xiao?” The relief you felt was immense. No matter the danger, you’d always been able to depend on the Vigilant Yaksha to back you up in battle. “I’m so glad to see you. You won’t believe this—“

Once you took a better look at Xiao’s face, you trailed off. There was no surprise in his gaze. You had not found him by a stroke of luck; he was here to stop you from leaving.

“I know of your contract with Rex Lapis.” How long had it been since he had last spoken to you in that tone of disdain? “I have helped him uphold countless in the past few millennia. Even you are no exception.”

“Xiao, I didn’t even know what the contract meant,” you pleaded, hope soaring at the flicker in his eyes. “Please, let me leave.”

The Yaksha swallowed visibly, brows knitting together. “No,” he finally said. “Go back to your room. I don’t want to have to fight you while you’re in... this state.”

“You’d fight me here?” You said, for the second time that night. “The civilians—” As you turned to gesture at the staff of Wangshu Inn, you realized that despite the commotion, not one of them was looking in your direction.

“The staff of Wangshu Inn are prepared, as am I,” Xiao said, without so much as glancing in their direction, “to carry out the will of our lord.”

Ah. You were alone here. But still, you stood firm, and watched the resignation dawn in Xiao’s eyes. You had not backed down when Chef Mao told you they were out of Almond Tofu, during your dinner with Xiao three months ago. You had not backed down when three Abyss Mages had you cornered in Lingju Pass; and even as Xiao had slaughtered them, you’d tried to get one last swing in with a tree branch. You would not back down now, and Xiao knew it as well as you did.

“I wish it didn’t come to this,” Xiao said, and you believed him wholly.

He clasped his hand to his face, and when it came away, he was wearing his mask. You supposed that you should feel a little flattered that he thought he had to don his Yaksha mask to fight you, hungover as you were. But before that, you felt worry. You knew full well what the mask did to him, had seen your fair share of aftermaths after a battle had dragged too long.

“Xiao, don’t hurt yourself,” you whispered.

In his eyes, behind the teal glow of his veil, you saw just a flicker of hesitation. But not enough.

Just as you shifted into a defensive stance — the way Xiao had taught you to do during your sparring sessions — there was a movement behind you. The Yaksha looked up over your shoulder, and immediately bowed his head, his mask fading away as quickly as it had come. You turned, even though you already knew what you’d see: Zhongli, pristine and immaculate as ever, his coat carried gently in the wind.

Disappointment in Zhongli’s gaze had always been hard to stomach, but today, it felt like the weight of the world on your lungs. “So she did try to escape, then, before even granting me an audience?” The former Archon asked, every word chilling you to your core. “Thank you for your service, Xiao. You may go now.”

Xiao lifted his head, turning to go wordlessly. Before he disappeared down the stairs, he paused. “What are you going to do to her?”

Zhongli regarded him with a lidded glance. “Only what must be done.”

—

After Xiao’s leave, Zhongli turned to you.

“Do you understand now?” He asked, flicking his hand back in the same slow gesture as he always did when he was telling a long story. You remembered how much you adored listening to the tales of the Archon War. Stories of those he conquered, brought to life through his deep, rich voice. You never thought you’d be among them, one day. “Six thousand years is a long time, even for those who live forever. I know every crack, cave and crevice, every clan, bloodline and family in Liyue. There is no place for you to run.”

You knew what he left unspoken. You had been a part of Liyue for what, one, two years? He had raised it from the earth. Despite all his talk of friendship, you would find no allies here who would, when faced with the choice, defy their archaic lord for you.

Xiao’s betrayal still stung, but in light of the weight of Zhongli’s presence before you, it was all but inconsequential, and wholly unsurprising. The slight shiver that ran down your spine, this time, was not because of the cold night air.

“What did you do to Aether?” is the first thing you managed to say.

“Your brother is safe.” Zhongli assured you. “I’ve had him sent to Bubu Pharmacy for treatment, and Paimon is looking after him.”

The relief you felt was uneasy. Safe— for now, at least.

“Where is he?”

“A location that I have secured, personally. You may see him when we are done here.” Zhongli answered seamlessly. You did not miss the threat that was left unspoken. “Though, he is not the one you ought to be worrying about, right now.”

An amicable departure from Teyvat was but a dream at this point; but maybe if you swallowed your anger, you could get him to leave you alone. Of all the farewells you had imagined, this wasn’t one you hadn’t even imagined would come to pass.

“That was it, right?” You joked weakly, even the pretense of cordiality almost too difficult to maintain, “the Wrath of the Rock? I mean, you literally knocked me out.”

Zhongli studied you carefully, before opening his mouth. “What do you think?” He asked. “ Was that a punishment fitting enough for one who reneged against the God of Contracts?”

“I— I,” You stammered for a little, but stopped once you realized it was futile. Zhongli would exact what punishment he deemed you deserved, and no force in Teyvat could possibly hope to stop him. Defeated, you exhaled deeply. “Would it help my case if I said ‘yes’?”

“No,” Zhongli answered, without hesitation. “Not in the slightest.” There was nothing left of the Zhongli you knew — thought you’d known — in his stone-cold expression.

A festering fear had settled deep within your stomach, rancid and heavy. How arrogant you had been, to think that you could thoroughly understand a being that had lived longer than recorded history, longer than human civilization in some worlds — could you even grasp the very notion of living six thousand years, of spending four thousand fighting a war? The countless bygone friends and foes he must have had to cut down?

How foolish of you to think that you could have outweighed any of them.

“What will it take to keep Aether safe?” You said, dropping your smile. If Zhongli would not budge when faced with the lingering remnants of your friendship, then you would speak to him the only way you knew how to get through to him; with a contract. “I’ll willingly accept any punishment, without a fight, as long as you promise to let him and Paimon go safely afterwards.”

Would Zhongli really… kill you? Even knowing all that you knew of his brutality during the war, it was hard to wrap your head around. You couldn’t breathe.

“Any…?” Zhongli’s huff created a small cloud of condensation in the night air. “It seems I have not taught you enough about the art of negotiation during our journey together. An open contract is a very dangerous thing to place in the hands of your adversaries.“

“I don’t care,” you snapped. Any other time, and you would have loved to hear him lecture, but...“Just tell me you won’t hurt them.”

Zhongli closed his eyes once more, as he always did when presented with a contractual proposal to ponder. Finally, when he had been still so long you’d thought he might have fallen asleep, he crossed his arms. “Very well. I accept the terms of your contract.”

At least, no matter what happened to you, Aether and Paimon would be safe.

“Come, y/n,” Zhongli beckoned with two gloved fingers, “let us continue somewhere more private.” He turned around and began walking, as though he had not a doubt that you would follow him. Well, with the terms that he had over your head, did you really have a choice?

You had been to Wangshu Inn so many times — to complete commissions, to grab a quick lunch, to bring Almond Tofu for Xiao — that you knew the land around it like the back of your hand. It would be so easy to escape on your own; you’d make it to Mondstadt within the night. Determined as Zhongli was, the idea of a diplomatic fallout with Liyue’s neighboring nation would at least make him take pause in his pursuit of you. Right?

Freedom was within your grasp. Behind you, the crickets chirped their hymns into a star-flecked sky.

You owe me big time, dear brother , you thought bitterly to yourself as you followed Zhongli back into his room.

#zhongli #genshin zhongli #zhongli x reader #yandere zhongli #yan!zhong #zhongli fanfic #genshin fanfic #consequence #anqi writes #my writing

627 notes · View notes