#ever since i've got this job i've been fixing so many mistakes of his i kept wondering who's the newbie here??

[zevrans-remade]

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[baby-yongbok]

A Feeling

Boyfriend!Bang Chan × Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst with a pinch of sugar at the end

Summary: There's a feeling in your chest that you can't seem to shake.

Warnings: Mentions of betrayal, Themes of cheating, Drinking, Broken Glass, Name calling. (I think this is it, let me know if I missed anything)

A/N: Happy Birthday Dear Chrisssss, Happy Birthday to you! + I've been having some issues with writing due to my health so I hope that this piece is good lol I got approval from my best friend and I trust her so here you go! This is one of the many posts that I'll be making for Our Leaders birthday so be on the look out!

✨Masterlist✨

The sting of bourbon flooded your throat as you threw back yet another shot. What was supposed to be a date night with Chris turned into you ordering a meal for one and him staying late at the company to fix a sudden studio mistake.

It wasn't the fact that your date night got canceled that bothered you, it was something else. It was a feeling that lingered in your chest. A feeling that something was wrong. You couldn't quite put your finger on it and the more you wondered the closer you got to finishing half a bottle of bourbon by yourself.  At this point you might as well wait for Chris to get home. It's about three in the morning now so he should be home any -

"Baby?" Your boyfriend's voice startled you out of your deep thoughts. "What are you still doing up?" 

"I kinda got… stuck. And then I got the bourbon out and ended up a little drunk.. so put the two together and you get this." Motioning towards yourself hunched over in the barstool you sigh.  "I couldn't shake this feeling..." 

"Are you sober enough to talk about it?" Stalking towards you slowly, Chris takes the empty seat next to yours.  

"Maybe it's best if I'm not sober for this? Maybe it'll make it easier to ask you and depending on the answer I wouldn't mind having it be harder to remember."

Confusion consumes his features as he leans forward, crossing both of his arms on the kitchen island "What could possibly be bothering you this much, babygirl?"

"I feel like.. there's something you have to tell me. I feel like today, something happened and you need to tell me but you aren't sure about it." Chris perks up a bit as you explain yourself to him. "If my feelings are correct then I need you to tell me what it is right now. Cause I can't sleep with this in my chest."

Running his hand over his face he covers his mouth for a second as he takes in all that you've said.

"Chris?" He looks up at you, directly into your eyes. "What is it?"

With a heavy sigh Chris squeezes his eyes shut as he prepares to speak. "Your friend… you know how you asked me to get Michelle a job at the company?" You shake your head as you follow his story. " Well ever since she started working there she's been.. suspiciously enthusiastic to see me. I thought that maybe she was just grateful that I got her the job and decided not to read too much into it"

Sighing, Chris runs both of his hands over his face and then looks down at the marble of the island. "Today, she went with us to assist with the Hilfiger shoot, she was just there to help make sure that it all went smoothly. Everything seemed perfectly normal until we were in the vans on our way home. I sat in the back and she made it her mission to sit next to me even though she was supposed to be in the other van. She was quiet for a bit, just listening to me Han and Felix talk until she suddenly tapped me and started talking about fate. She said that she's been waiting for an opportunity to get closer to me and this job has given her that." 

He pauses as he takes a second to read your body language. You couldn't hide how tense you are even if you wanted to. Your first instinct was to explode before he could even finish his story. You wanted to call him a liar for saying that Michelle, your best friend since preschool, would say such a thing to him but sadly you knew he wasn't lying. After being with him for three years you've learned how to tell when he’s hiding something from you. 

"I told her that I didn't understand. I told her that she knows I'm with you and I'm happy in this relationship. I told her that I only got her the job because you asked me to. She proceeded to talk about how much she... how much she liked me and then she told me that watching me during the shoot turned her on... then she, she uh.. she kissed me." 

You urgently sat up in your seat as you imagined just what he said. There's no way that Michelle would do that to you… right?  "And I pushed her away immediately, as soon as I processed the feeling I panicked and Han saw it all."

Quietly, you start to piece together everything that Chris just put out in the open. There’s no way that Michelle would never betray you like that. The two of you are partners in crime, you love each other, you respect each other.  

"Michelle -" You pause, your buzzing thoughts making it more difficult to complete your sentence..  "She wouldn’t -" 

You attempt to process the information over and over, the fuzziness that the bourbon’s caused making it a bit hard to piece it all together clearly but you know that it's true. It’s obvious that Chris isn't lying. He scratches the back of his neck when he's lying and on top of that, he has no reason to tell a lie about Michelle.

 "That fucking skank" Your glass shatters on the kitchen floor as a storm of anger closes in on your senses. You stumble to your feet and go straight for your cell on the kitchen counter.  

"Y/n" Chris swiftly stalks after you, grabbing your waist from behind. 

"Fucking let go of me." You fight his hold but all it does is make him hold onto you tighter. 

"You're drunk, if you're going to call her, do it tomorrow." You continue to fight him, the rage you felt was only enhanced by the bourbon and you knew that, yet you couldn't find it in you to calm the storm in your chest

"How could she do this shit?" 

"Baby, please calm down." He drags you down to the kitchen floor and pulls you into his lap. To you, it felt like you were still fighting but you were still now, being cradled by Chris as you sobbed into his chest. The transition was unbeknownst to you, it was so sudden.  

"How could she do that to me? She knows…" Chris shushes you as he strokes your hair. His thumb softly rubbing soothing circles into the exposed skin of your thigh. 

"She knows you're mine." 

"I'm sorry, I was never going to keep this from you. I just didn't know.. I didn't know how to tell you. I was going to give it till the morning." 

"Did you like it.."

"What?" Looking down at you with furrowed brows Chris’ grip on you loosens just for it to tighten again.  "No, no I didn't. I pushed her away. I immediately felt… dirty and scared.. scared that she'd cost me your trust, scared that you'd freak out so badly that you'd hate me for even saying anything. I hated every second of it and I hate every second of this feeling that it left me with. I love you, Y/n. I've never wanted anything with anyone else and that includes Michelle."

Silence envelopes the two of you as he holds you and you him.  The situation at hand was looming slowly around the two of you. You're almost positive that Chris will call Han in the morning to confirm everything that he told you. And you'll call Michelle and ask her why the fuck she thought this was okay.  

"We should get you some water then into bed, it’s late" Slowly you nod your head to agree with him but before you can stand Chris scoops you up in his arms bridal style and stands. " I don't want you hurting yourself on the glass." 

You look down at the shattered shot glass on the kitchen floor then back up at Chris. He’s watching you with soft eyes, a weak smile pulling at his lips. A surge of desire washes over you and you can't help what happens next. Grabbing his face with both of your hands you kiss him hard and passionate. He kisses you back with the same hunger allowing your energies to mix in a delicious and raw display of passion. As his lips tangle with yours he takes a couple steps back, away from the mess on the kitchen floor. You can hear the crack beneath his shoe as he steps on a piece of stray glass. 

You comb your fingers through his hair, grabbing some of it and pull slightly at the roots. A moan slips from his lips and it drives you over the edge.  

"Please." You both are panting as you pull away and plead for him. " Please, I need you."

"You're drunk." He looks down at you with sad yet lust flooded eyes.  You can tell it's killing him to deny you of your desire. "Trust me, I want to but you're wasted and not even two minutes ago you were angry and crying...Right now you only want me to prove that she can’t, ask me again tomorrow and I won't hesitate" 

"Okay." The Silence comes back to hug you both as he carries you into your shared bedroom and sits you onto the bed.  

"I'm gonna get you some water and clean up that glass. You should shower and change into something for bed." He kisses you on your cheek and you watch him as he walks away. His black t-shirt and joggers fit him beautifully and you couldn't help but resent him for it just a bit. You don’t move, your thoughts are running too wild for you to think about doing anything else besides calling Michelle and yelling every profanity that you can think of at her. You almost don’t notice Chris come back into the room with a bottle of water in hand and confusion written on his features.

“Are you going to shower?” You look up at him with your glazed eyes, searching his features for the right answer but it’s no use. 

“I don’t know.” You whisper and Chris takes a step towards you, Standing in front of you and gently guiding your head to rest on his stomach. You sigh at the contact, taking in his gentle touch.

“Maybe we’ll just call it a night? Shower in the morning.” You nod your head lazily as a tear runs down your cheek and soaks into the cotton of his shirt.

“You’re mine, right?” He pulls back from you a bit to see your face. He cups your cheeks in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. 

“All yours, only yours.” His eyes stay on yours, a soft and loving gaze that you know holds nothing but the truth. You shake your head slightly, grinning a bit. 

“You promise?” He returns your grin before leaning down to kiss your forehead.

“I promise.”

[theamityelf]

We’ve got enough Kamukuras to fill up a bucket or something at this point, lol. Regarding that, what’s your thoughts on a Kamukurafied Komaeda? I’ve seen peoples takes on him before but I’m just curious on what yours would be

Oh, I love this. More Kamukuras than we know what to do with. I've definitely seen some sketches of a Nagizuru concept, and those were awesome, but let me think, lol.

I feel like his luck has to do something during the surgery itself. Like, I think we almost can't have a character with Nagito's luck and say his luck was being chill during something as pivotal and time-consuming as the Kamukura Project. So I'm thinking the scientists made a small but crucial mistake on him that is both good luck and bad luck depending on how you look at it.

I'm going to say, instead of just removing his emotions and autonomous motivation, the scientists manage to accidentally give him super overactive reward centers. The rest of the project was a success. His emotions are still gone in most ways, but now, unlike most Kamukuras, he gets powerful hits of dopamine for completing tasks. He considers himself lucky, since he's enjoying himself more than the other Kamukuras, but the result also means that he becomes severely pleasure-seeking.

The only thing he can feel is reward. This means he is addicted to practicing his talents, but it also means he will go out of his way to use as many of his talents as he can.

The scientists initially write this off as a positive; feeling highly rewarded for a job well done means he's more engaged in what they ask of him than any of his predecessors. Sure, they're a little worried when he starts disassembling and reassembling things over and over, worried that becoming addicted to small, meaningless busy work will start to take priority over the actual things they want him to do. But he's still a Kamukura, and he still eventually gets bored of repetition, so it's fine.

They should be more worried about the disassembling part. The fact that he feels just as rewarded by tasks he himself creates, just as rewarded by work he himself makes necessary, just as happy to fix what he himself breaks, should worry them more.

They should be really worried about how easily he gets bored.

But this trial of the Kamukura Project (and if we're including every other AU in this, then I guess he's Iteration 4, after Mahiru's Iteration 3, lol. Byakuya I still see as more of a joint endeavor between the Togami Corporation and Hope's Peak, not nominally a part of the Hope Cultivation Plan, but rather a "separate" project, maybe called the Heir Enhancement Plan. He's still called Byakuya Togami. Then again, it would make sense for Nagito to have been before Makoto, since I could see Hope's Peak using a luckster and a reserve course student one year, then the next year's luckster as well. Maybe Mahiru got thrown in because she caught them dragging off Sato, idk. So, Iteration 1 is Hajime's Izuru Kamukura. Iteration 2 is Nagito. Iteration 3 is Makoto. Iteration 4 is Sato, but for right now I'm saying there was some complication and she died while they were working on her. And Iteration 5 is Mahiru.)

But this trial of the Kamukura Project is really pleasant to be around. When the scientists question him, he's very eager to answer the questions. After all, positive social interactions are highly rewarding for him.

He's extremely physically affectionate with the other Kamukuras, though Makoto is the only one who always tolerates it, so Makoto is the one he goes the farthest with, especially when Izuru isn't around to stop him. (Byakuya will also intervene, but not as regularly. And Mahiru sees it as respecting Makoto's autonomy to let him decide who's allowed to touch him.) He'll just be cuddling Makoto and nuzzling into his hair, and Makoto is just blinking and stoic. Bonus points if Makoto says something like, "I like it," one time when they do this, and it's the first thing he's ever said he liked. His first opinion ever, as Iteration 3, is that cuddling is nice.

(Izuru will be jealous of this. And Nagito would feel extremely rewarded by the accomplishment.)

Nagito Kamukura does not have compassion or all that much regard for the consequences of his actions. Because of his new analyst talents, he's able to plan ahead which courses of action will be the most rewarding for him, which means his pleasure-seeking isn't short-sighted, but if a course of action contains 5 guaranteed instances of pleasure and 10 possible negative repercussions, it is probably full steam ahead on that plan unless he can think of one with more guaranteed instances of pleasure. The only consequences that matter are ones that limit his ability to keep doing things.

In the at-this-point-inevitable event that there's some mass breakout of the Kamukuras, I could see Nagito staying behind to tend to the few scientists who didn't immediately die by Byakuya's or Mahiru's hand. Once he finishes bandaging them up so they're on the mend, he'll break an arm here, a leg there, so he has more stuff to heal.

[capncococharms]

Games I Enjoyed in 2022

Ever since 2018 I decided that I needed to make a digital sticky note to keep track of all the games I beat each year and that personal tradition lives on to this day. I like the idea of looking back on the games I gave my full attention to throughout the year and seeing which games left a significant impact on me from a gameplay and story perspective.

I finished about 22 games in 2022, but out of all those games (in no particular order) here are the few games I beat and I'm glad I had a chance to experience them.

No More Heroes III

Around two years ago I got hooked on No More Heroes during the pandemic. I streamed the first game and then started to play the other games on my own in preparation for the third game. I considered skipping Travis Strikes Again but I gave it a chance and that ended up being one of my favorite games in the series (especially the DLC). It took me a bit to get through III because I was relatively busy the year it came out and the rest of the year really bummed me out in terms of life and my day job. There was a day I had off from work this year when I decided to sit down and finish the entire game in one sitting. I am so glad no one spoiled the ending and it makes me sad there aren't more games that are as goofy and insane as NMH. I wish I held out to play the PS5/ PC port, but I didn't mind it on Switch despite it didn't look or run so hot. It's about the same gameplay I expected from a NMH game in terms of the first two games, but there was some new stuff that shook up to formula a bit. There is potential for this gameplay to go above and beyond but honestly, the charm of NMH is peeking into SUDA's brain and I hope to play more of his games in 2023. NMH III was full of laughs and it inspired me creative-wise.

Chibi-Robo

I meant to play this game when I was a pre-teen because I read good things about it in Nintendo Power, but I never got around to it. Waiting this long to play was a huge mistake. The game is WAY TOO expensive to physically own so I had to find another way to play it and after playing the whole game... I'm so sad there aren't more games like it. I had a BLAST going around as a tiny robot cleaning up stains and garbage while witnessing a family falling apart and then working to fix things up and come together. It's a simple game that doesn't take too much time to get through, but the experience alone was cute and left me feeling like a kid enjoying a new game again. It was a friendly reminder that I can still enjoy video games.

Shadow of the Colossus

I never grew up with Sony/ Playstation games much other than experiencing Kingdom Hearts through osmosis at a friend's place or my cousin's house. As soon as I got to college I wanted to play a lot of the PS classics when I had time. While it has been a slow burn over the years to play some of the big PS titles I finally had a chance to play SotC and I'm SO GLAD that experience wasn't spoiled by anyone else. That game is truly something worth experiencing if you've never had a chance to play it. SotC is the perfect balance of being a pure video game and also a work of art in terms of storytelling. I wish I played the PS2 version, but the PS4 remake was fine even though there were a few hiccups on how it ran. Didn't ruin my overall enjoyment in the slightest.

Final Fantasy VI

For MANY years I've always heard folks and friends praise this game and I always considered checking it out whenever I had time. I took time to stream it this year and after taking a month or so to play it... it was unlike anything I've ever experienced in terms of story, music, and emotion. It's a game that pulled me in many directions when it came to how I felt. I laughed, I gasped and I started sobbing once I got to the final screen. It left me with the same feelings I had when I first played MOTHER 3 in high school. I never thought I'd ever feel that way with another video game, but I'm glad I was able to feel something like that again after all these years. I hope someday if I ever have a family I would love to share this game with them. The ending leaves a positive message of hope and a brighter future when the world is a dark and scary place. Absolutely one of my favorite experiences of this year.

Honorable mentions

Mon Amour- I love Yoshiro Kimura's games and I had a blast with his vision of the Flappy Bird gameplay with kissing. Also, a killer OST that everyone should listen to.

Kirby and the Forgotten Land- Kirby's transition to 3D worked so well and Elfilin melted my heart. Not much to say about this game other than it was another fun Kirby experience that made me happy.

Trauma Center: Second Opinion- I didn't like the Triti surgeries those are the worst things ever made but aside from that I loved the final surgery in the game. Had the best track and it felt like a real final boss. I'm currently replaying it to see how fast I can do these surgeries.

Telltale's The Walking Dead Season 1- I was watching the TV series with my roommate and while I got pretty bored with the show after like 5 to 6 seasons in, they suggested I play the Telltale game and I honestly feel the game has more impact than the show itself given you are thrown into these choices and you have to act fast on your feet. It was my first time playing a Telltale game so I'm happy it was a good first experience. Not sure I'm up to playing the rest of TWD quite yet, but I do want to play Telltale's other games.

I did also finish Persona 5 Royal this year, but my feelings about that game are way too complicated. The short answer is the base game is a bit long, but it should have ended there because the Royal content/ story was a huge waste of time and soured the entire experience. If I ever had to play that game again, I'd go with the base release.

Well that was a small peek into my gaming ventures in 2022. Here's hoping that I can keep digging through my backlog and play some new titles that interest me in 2023!

[belletristt]

i'm so lonely. usually when people say they have no friends, they still have people who they talk to, they still have friend they ocasionally talk to, or even a romantic partner; however, i literally have no one. i have my parents. and i have stranger on internet who reply to me sometimes, but i don't have a real friend who i can talk or go to places with. it's been like this for a long while, but recently it's getting to me more than before. i don't know if it's because i'm spending more time at home now since i got a remote job. but it feels worse than before. i've never felt so lonely. i can't stop thinking of the people i had and lost in the years was too sick to keep them. i can't stop thinking how everyone i befriended in the last years was from internet, how no one in real life, who actually can spend time with me, likes me or is interested in me. again, this is getting to me. there's so much despair inside me; and i don't know how i'll survive when all i want is to die. yes, my suicidal thoughts are back and they are so strong now. maybe bc i finally got something that i wanted (the job) but it didn't fix anything. it's like i hoped working with something i liked and paid decently would fix a little of my pain, but it didn't. now i don't even have any stranger to talk to like i had when i was working at my old job. i spend my day alone. i don't talk to anyone. on the weekends, i go to my parents, but i don't feel well there. my new doctor said i have to talk to people, my new therapist said that too. i don't think she knows i have no friends. it hurts more to know that no medicine will ever work for me, bc i'll always be alone.

i have this online friend. she seems to like me more than that. but i don't really want to talk to her or to have anything with her. i think i've done the same mistake as before, so i'm trying to stop it. i know it's stupid to want to connect to people and, at the same time, reject the connection that is being offered. but i want someone who lives close, who can go to places with me. i don't like texting a lot - it bores me.

i've also thought a lot about why i feel so sad when i see my favorite singer posts on instagram. i should be happy that he's happy, right? yes, i probably developed some type of dependency on him, but i think it's not only that. he and i have many things in common, so i would like to do the things he does... with a friend/partner. it seems like he's never alone, he's always with his person, and i wish i could be like that too. seeing him going to musems, travelling to beautiful places with someone hurts me, bc these are things i'll never get to do, and he keeps reminding me of my stupid reality.

as i write this, as i think about these things, i feel so sad and desperate. i honestly wish i could kill myself, bc living a long life like this leaves so desperate. but i can't. i'm not strong enough to end it all. i'm not strong enough to think only of myself and let my parents deal with my death. sometimes i'm a little hopeful. i think of all the times i thought i would never get a job i liked and think 'maybe this will be just like that, maybe i won't be alone and a surprise will come', but i don't really believe in it.

i don't even have anyone to talk about these feelings.

[theduosetter]

━ 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐌𝐞𝐞𝐭 ║𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨 𝐓𝐞𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐨

☆ Pairing: Au!Kuroo Tetsuro x f!reader

☆ Summary: Two broken hearts never truly heal no matter how many years pass. Maybe because the only person who can heal it is the one who caused the tear.

☆ Warning(s): angst, fluff,

☆ A|N: any feedback is appreciated! If you can please give it a heart or reblog it would really help my writing. Thank you!

Kuroo sighed for what seemed the millionth time today. His mind kept wandering off somewhere else, today felt different. There was something within him saying that today wasn't going to be the same again.

His phone vibrated once more alerting him of another incoming message. The screen lit up with the name Nanami. His lips moved as he saw the words spread out on the white background. Closing his eyes he leaned back against his office chair.

"What's with your face?" a voice spoke.

Kuroo rolled his eyes, "Nothing is wrong with my face, Kenma."

"Liar." he placed the folder down on his desk, "Is it Nanami?"

"No..." he half smiled "She's great actually... things are good between us right now."

"For someone who says that it sure doesn't look like it." Kenma said "Could have fooled me."

He sat up and looked at his friend, "Is there something that still needs to be done?"

Kenma shook his head "No everything important got taken care of."

Standing up he grabbed his blazer and put it on. "If anyone else calls can you take care of it?"

"Ok." before Kuroo could make it out the door, Kenma then asked him "Are you going to be alright?"

"I'll be alright. See you tomorrow..." he slightly smiled then took off.

Your feet grew tired as you kept walking the busy streets. The sun was just about to set down on the ocean. Even though it was warm, the air was nothing but fresh, the perk of living near coast.

A small smile formed on your lips as you saw kids running around the nearby playground, playing with their friends. It was the purest sound in the world; you thought.

There was never a doubt in your mind that being a mom was a gift. You hoped one day you too would have the chance at raising a mini you or a little boy that looked like your partner.

Your phone then rang. You quickly took it out of your bag and accepted the call.

"Hey love." you said "I'm on my way back home."

"I can't wait to see you." he said, making your chest tighten "I might be preparing something delicious for tonight."

"Really?" you asked "What's the occasion?"

He smiled, leaning back against the sink. "What, I can't just do something special for the love of my life?"

Your smile faltered as you remembered those words. Those were the ones that hurt you the most, even after almost 10 years.

"Of course you can." you replied "Can I have a hint on what it may be?"

"You would figure it out right away like last time. I'm not making that mistake again." he chuckled.

"It was one time, h/n." you smiled small, "Do you need me to bring something home from the store? I'm close to it."

"Pick out any drink you want to have and dessert if you'd like."

"Okay now I'm really curious about what you have up your sleeve, boy." you chuckled.

He bit his lip, smiling as he heard your laughter. "Don't take too long, alright?"

"I'll do my best love since it is rush hour. Wait for me?"

"Like you have to ask." he leaned over checking the food "I can't wait to see you. Text me when you get to the station."

"I will, love." you bid him goodbye and hung up.

It's sad how he has tried his best to make you happy and yet there's never a moment where something doesn't remind you of him. All these years you still wonder about how he's doing with his new partner. If he could accomplish the goals he had set out for himself. Even the thought if he maybe... still thought about you like you did.

Sighing, you shook your head "Stop it... you can't keep doing this to him. You're with h/n now not with him, he chose you agreed. No more second guessing." You mumbled.

You were about to turn left at the end of the playground when a stranger collided into you. Your feet slipped from underneath you. The bar that was put up around the playground was too far away for you to hold on to. Folding your elbows back, you opened your hands wide so you could stop your head from hitting the pavement.

Lucky enough, the tall stranger reacted in time and pulled you into him to avoid you injuring yourself. "I'm so sorry, are you alright?"

"Y-yeah... I'm fine..." you replied "That was close- wow I almost fell-" you tilted your head up and your breathing stopped.

The stranger kept their arm around your back, holding you against his chest. His eyes roamed the details on your face, from your eyes to shape of your lips. His heart was pounding against his chest, not believing you were in front of him.

"K-Kuroo..." you muttered.

"Y/n... I never thought I'd see you here." his brain couldn't wrap around the idea that you were here.

Realizing your chest was too close to his, you gently stepped back. Your cheeks flushed "I- um... I-I work around here."

"Right..." he mumbled "I thought you had stayed in Tokyo, is all."

"I got a job offer awhile back." You said "I've been living here ever since. What about you?..."

He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling shy suddenly. "I'm working with a company on a project along with Kenma."

"Wow... I knew Kenma was in town but didn't think you'd be here as well."

His head shot up "You spoke to Kenma?"

"Yeah..." you answered "He reached out to me and asked if we could meet up. I've been busy so I haven't had the chance..."

"Why didn't Kenma say anything to me?..." there was hurt in his eyes from the sudden news. "I thought Kenma of all people-"

You cut him off "I told Kenma that I didn't want you knowing. Don't blame him..."

"I see..."

The cars passed by, not knowing or caring about the two ex lovers on the sidewalk. Every person was moving on with their lives, focusing on getting home to their families.

You tried your best to calm your emotions. It was difficult to keep the facade up. Your body was itching to be again in his arms. "I should get going... goodbye Kuroo." you walked passed him hoping to forget you ever saw him.

However, Kuroo didn't want to let you go again this time. "Y/n, wait!" he yelled as he ran after you.

"He's not calling my name..." you repeated under your breath "He's not calling my name." Ignoring the loud sounds coming from the cars, you crossed the street.

"Y/n!" Kuroo yelled louder as he reached for you and held your wrist gently in his hand.

Looking over your shoulder, you made eye contact. "What are you doing, Kuroo?..."

"We need to talk." he gently spoke "It's been too many years."

"There's nothing to say about anything." you looked into his eyes "We both have our different lives, let's focus on that okay?"

"I don't want to walk away from you and regret it for the rest of my life again." Kuroo begged, "Please, give me a few minutes to talk with you...please."

Looking down at your watch, you saw you had some minutes to spare. "Okay..."

He let go of you, "Come on, I know where we should go." you followed him to the nearby bridge that was above an intersection along with shops down the street. You walked up the stairs and sat down on a bench that was in the middle of the two stairways.

It was awkward. As the seconds passed by, all you could think of were the things you wanted to say but felt afraid of saying it out loud. You were timid when it came to expressing how you felt since you were in high school. Yet when you met Kuroo that barrier was destroyed only for it to be rebuilt again a few years later.

"What did you need to tell me?" you asked, playing with your fingers.

"I'm sorry for how we ended things." your movement stopped "I thought back then that it was for the best. I didn't want to continue fighting every time with you. The amount of times we ended up apart became more frequent than the times we had ever spent together." His gazed was fixed on ground feeling too vulnerable to look at you "I didn't want to keep hurting you."

"I can't believe- why now?" you asked "Was that the reason you chose? You didn't want to stay and fixed things so you let me go?"

"We couldn't make things better and you know that y/n." he answered "Every time we tried it put distance between us more and more."

You closed your eyes trying to not let the tears fall "It's the fact that you lost hope in us that hurt Kuroo, not the breakup."

"It hurt me too..." he explained "But it hurt me more knowing you were suffering and not giving you the happiness that you deserved."

"I didn't care..." you sniffled "All I wanted was to be with you and solved it together. I kept on trying to find an answer as to what I did that was so wrong that made you leave me."

"What are you talking about-"

"You seriously don't remember?" you looked at him "The things you said to me that day... when I asked you why and all you said was because I didn't love you anymore, I don't want to stay by you. It's for the best Y/n go find your own life and forget about me."

He looked away, closing his eyes tightly. "I didn't mean to sound harsh..."

"But you did." you wiped away your tears "What hurt was the fact that you acted happy the last few days with me then suddenly... you ripped it off like a bandaid Kuroo..."

"I know..." he said "I know I fucked up- I kept thinking back every day after what happened."

You got up from the bench "Why did you pretend you were happy with me?"

"I wasn't pretending!" he exclaimed, getting up as well. "I was happy being with you."

"Could have fooled me... because knowing this now and you not remembering what you told me makes it harder to believe anything you say!"

"I need you. Trust me when I say that I still love you y/n." he stated.

"I-I can't..." you muttered, covering your face.

You were a sobbing mess, and it broke his heart that he was hurting you again when he vowed never to. Kuroo stepped forward slowly, trying to approach you.

"Please don't cry..." he said.

"I'm just tired of this... feeling this vulnerable and thinking about you," you admitted, "when I should focus on my future and not on the past..."

Kuroo stood in front of you, "Do you still love me?..." you didn't answer. He carefully took your hands into his own as he uncovered your face. "Do you still love me?..." he repeated himself.

His touch was arm, your head was dizzy. It's been so long since you were this close to him again. 'Did I still love him?' you thought, trying to figure out the answer on your own.

He gently wiped away your tears, "Because I haven't stopped Y/n... no matter where I'm going or who I'm with my mind goes back to you."

"Where was this 7 years ago?" you questioned "This love and worry you have about me? How you don't want to see me walk away from you again. Why did you show it too late to me? I wasted so much time wondering over someone who never once batted an eye to me when I saw you on campus those two years after our break up. I almost failed because my emotions were all over the place. If it hadn't been for the friends I had I wouldn't have moved on. Now you suddenly see me again one day and you confess you still love me? When you had chance after chance to tell me but chose not to." you clenched your jaw "You don't get to comeback and tell me you love me... it's not fair."

"I lived with the ache in my chest whenever I saw someone or something that reminded me of you. Out of all the y/n's in the world and each time someone said your name I turned around it hopes it was you but came empty every time it was a stranger." he breathed out trying to not break down in front of you but it became impossible. His voice cracked "I-I... still wish everyday that it had been you... y-you by my side a-and not someone else..."

"I wished we had met when we were older and wiser..." you whispered "Maybe then... this pain wouldn't exist within us."

He held your hand to his chest holding it tightly as he closed his eyes, trying to memorize your warmth. "We didn't know what to do... we were young and naive thinking love was such an easy thing to feel." he sniffled "It would be so easy... so damn e-easy... to say I'm sorry and start all over again. To go back to the days where were in l-love... without any problems..."

In all your years you had known Kuroo it was such a rare sight for him to cry and breakdown in front of you. After years, you were surprised to see he didn't feel shy or embarrassed of showing it to you again. It's like he had grown.

Gently you cupped his right cheek and he leaned into your touch. "I still do love you Kuroo..." you confessed "It scares me that I haven't been able to move on without you."

"I'm so sorry..." the pool of tears he held in his eyes were finally escaping "Maybe things would have worked o-out... if we had- no I had expressed my feelings earlier and told you how I felt from the beginning. If I had opened up myself up to you more and not runaway from the only person that had ever made me feel a whole. But I can't... I-I can't turn back time that was then and t-this is now..."

It was late. Yet hearing those words that you had dreamed for years to happen finally did. Life was definitely funny sometimes. One day you can keep convincing yourself you don't need that person that you're fine without them, then have it change with one interaction.

Smiling weakly you wiped away his tears. He smiled small feeling your thumb gently move against his cheek. "I can't believe I'm saying this but..." a chuckle escaped your lips "After all we've been through and still you make my heart beat like a teenager all over again."

"I would do anything to see you smile, Y/n." his eyes shined brightly as the sun's light reflected off his hazel orbs.

Your faces began to grow closer to one another. The space that was in between you two got shorter the longer you stared into each other's eyes.

"There's not anything else in this world that makes me happy as you do, y/n." he said.

Your foreheads gently rested against one another. His hands held your own tightly and brought them up to his lips. It made your stomach grow butterflies again.

Closing your eyes you focused on his touch not on the sounds of traffic. "I’d have my heart broken all over again if it meant that I could have those first six months with you."

He added "Those were the best months of my life."

Your phone then vibrated with messages coming in all at once. Kuroo freed one of your hands, you unlocked your device to see they were from h/n.

"Shoot..." you bit your lip.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

"My...um boyfriend... is asking where I am..." you answered feeling conflicted as to what would be the best thing to do.

"You call him and reassure him you're okay." he said "If I was in his place I'd be worried too."

You were surprised by how mature he was, nodding you dialed his number. After a few seconds h/n picked up. Kuroo stood by your side and waited for you to finish.

"Y/n! Where are you I've been worried sick!" he exclaimed.

"I'm sorry... I saw a friend and they needed to talk to me. I didn't mean to make you worry." you explained.

He breathed out in relief knowing you were okay. "It's okay, I'm glad you're okay. Are you on your way back home or are you still with them?"

"I'm still with them I didn't realize it would take long. But I'll be going to the station soon to grab the last train home." you answered.

"Alright, are you sure you don't want me to go pick you up?" he asked "I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"No don't worry I'll be home soon. I'll make sure to keep you posted okay?"

"Okay, please be careful. I love you." he said.

"I will, see you soon." you hung up then looked at him. "I should get going, Kuroo."

"I understand." he kissed your forehead softly "You don't owe me an explanation okay? Let's take it one step at a time. And if you still want to see me then I'll be here waiting for you. Like I should have done in the beginning."

Your heart swelled with joy that you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He smiled softly hugging you back tightly, "I missed you so much." you spoke burying your face in his neck.

"I missed you too, Y/n." he rested his chin on top of your head "Can I take you home?"

"I'd like that."

It didn't matter how long it took, he wasn't going to mess this second chance he had with you. He would wait a year if he needed to to be alongside you again. You were his world.

[whosscruffylooking]

The Purest Things-Damaged

Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader

Warnings: Mentions of rape, murder, and cheating. Canon-typical violence. 

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: and so we begin our descent into the world of slow-burn! this piece begins at the end of season 3 episode 13 & carries into seasons 3 episode 14. thank you to everyone who has interacted with my stories, commenting and reposting helps creators so much! enjoy this installment :)

The Purest Things Masterlist

Gif Credit: @hqtchner

january 2008

Bookend: “We are all damaged. We have all been hurt. We have all had to learn painful lessons. We are all recovering from some mistake, loss, betrayal, abuse, injustice or misfortune. All of life is a process of recovery that never ends. We each must find ways to accept and move through the pain and to pick ourselves back up....Each tragedy is an announcement that some good will indeed come in time. Be patient with yourself.” ― Bryant McGill

Another day, another murderer locked away. This case proved that sometimes, the so-called "good guys" can be just as selfish as the "bad guys." The special agent who recruited the BAU's help, Jill Morris, used this case to obtain personal fame and grow her career.

You sit next to Rossi aboard the plane. He had a more personal interaction with Morris throughout the case, and you can tell her actions have left him more than disappointed.

Looking out the window at the sun setting behind the clouds, you mumble to yourself, "What's the difference?"

"Did you say something?" Dave speaks up.

Looking to him, you brush it off, "Oh. Nothing. I was just talking to myself."

He crosses his legs and smiles a warm smile at you, "Penny, for your thoughts then."

"I guess...I just don't understand how Jill Morris's motives can be any different from Jeremy Andrus's. Of course, Jill didn't murder or rape anyone. But, she exploited this case for her own personal benefit. She didn't just use the unsub; she exploited the victims as well. How is that any different than Jeremy using women for his own gratification?"

David sighs, "Aristotle said, 'Every practical pursuit or undertaking seems to aim at some good.' Our brains are wired for love and solidarity. Greed forms to undermine that wiring and trick others into believing that their means to an end is done for "good." People believe that to maintain that myth, any and all costs to others are simply casualties in the long run."

"There is all the difference in the world between helping another soul and exploiting their hardship for your own gain and deceiving yourself that they are the same," he continues, "I tried to show Jill that. But, I think she's already determined that the reason she does this job is not for the same reasons that we do. The rush of catching a suspect comes second to the excitement she gets when being praised for her achievement."

"What happened to her empathy," you wonder, "Empathy is a natural foundation in each of our lives, and our society functions on it! How could that not overpower her desire for recognition? I mean, for Christ's sake, her friend just died!"

"Unfortunately," he solemnly says, "It is harder to understand the motives of our peers than it is to profile a serial killer."

+++++

You wake as if there is an emergency, like sleeping had become a deadly thing, your heart pounds, and thoughts jumble throughout your brain. Shooting up from your seat, you crawl over a sleeping Rossi and stumble your way to the bathroom.

Your knuckles turn white as you grip the edge of the sink. Looking cautiously into the mirror, as if you are uncertain of what you'll see, you take in your ghostly appearance. Sweat beads drip down your forehead. Unable to comprehend the blurry remnants of your dream, you turn on the faucet and splash your face with cold water.

Upon exiting the bathroom, you notice everyone is sound asleep. Thank goodness no one noticed your state of panic. You notice that one overhead reading light is on and look to see Hotch awake and blankly staring out the window.

"Can't sleep either?" You ask, sitting across from him.

"Are you alright?" He asks, trying to deflect your attention.

You squint at him, unwilling to back down, "Are you?"

He looks at you intently, taking the sight of you in inch-by-inch. No one has asked him that over the past few weeks. In fact, everyone has seemingly been avoiding him since he was served his divorce papers. Perhaps they are doing it because they are unsure how to support him or genuinely feel that what he needs right now is space.

However, you know that being alone is the last thing he needs right now. "Hotch, I know it isn't my place, and I--I'm sorry if this is overstepping. But that expression on your face that you've worn for the past few weeks isn't foreign to me. Perhaps to everyone else, it is. They don't know what to do or say. You're their unit chief, and they are used to you being strong and keeping it together for the sake of everyone else."

He straightens his posture, his attention centered on you.

"I witnessed firsthand the ways that divorce can torment people. My parents got a sudden divorce when I was 14. It was unexpected to all of us. My father was unfaithful, and although my mom was willing to forgive him, he didn't want to put in the work anymore. He found a new outlet for his frustrations. I watched my mother and father waste away for years," you lament.

Hotch sits on the edge of his seat, his eyes trained keenly on you. It was odd for him to make a connection so quick, to give his trust so easily. In fact, he hardly trusts at all. Dave and Haley are the only ones who have really been given an insider's peek into the mind and heart of Aaron Hotchner. There was something in the way he listens so actively to what you are saying. You would be lying if you said you didn't notice his gaze aimed at your lips.

There is a sympathetic and heartfelt concern he shows for you, one second only to your own regard for him. He listens like he is absorbing your words. The longer you spend in each other's presence, the more you both realize that this is the kind of friendship you both have needed for far too long. Even if the words go unspoken, you share an empathetic understanding of one another, and you are sure it has been there since the day you met. Hotch has been fascinated by you since he watched your interview with Strauss over and over again, though he would never let it be known.

+++++

February 2008

Today is the day that you get to accompany Hotch and Reid on the Criminal Personality Research Project to interview Chester Hardwick before his execution. Hardwick's case is one you know inside and out. You wrote a research report on it that was awarded the Graduate Student Ethics Writing Competition winner for the American Psychological Association and was published in their Ethics and Behavior journal. Agent Hotchner suggested that you tag along, considering you know just as much about the case as Spencer does.

You and Spencer absentmindedly fiddle with the knickknacks that rest upon the desk as you wait to be escorted to see Chester Hardwick.

Hotch's phone begins to ring, and he answers it, "Yeah, J.J... Um, no, it's--It's a personal matter. Yes, thank you. I will take care of it when I get back."

"Everything okay?" You ask softly.

"Yeah, fine." He says abruptly.

"We can do this interview another time," Reid offers.

Aaron huffs, "Well, he is scheduled to be executed next week."

"I can take the lead on the interview if you w-" Reid unintentionally pushes.

You cut him off, "Reid."

Hotch shoots you an appreciative look.

Anytime sir.

"Agent Hotchner?" A relatively short man wearing freakishly petite glasses comes to the door.

The Unit Chief shakes the man's hand and introduces you and Spencer.

"You're here to see our infamous inmate Hardwick," the warden exclaims.

"Yes," you say, "He agreed to meet with us as part of our Criminal Personality Research Project before his execution."

The man smiles widely, "I've read your research on Hardwick many times. I must say, seeing your perspective on the mind of such a prolific killer was very enlightening."

You beam with pride at his commendation. Instinctively you look to Hotch, who appears to have the slight trace of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

You wonder, how can he go from scowling and frustrated one minute to fighting back the urge to smile at the mention of your achievements? You bite your lip to suppress any further needless excitement.

The warden continues to ramble, "Serial killers are kind of a hobby of mine. Chester is the only one I've ever met in person, though. I bet you've met quite a few."

"Sir," Hotch interjects, "We'd very much like to get started as soon as we can."

Time to put our serious pants back on.

You can visibly see your superior's annoyance, and you stifle a chuckle.

The warden quickly composes himself and apologizes for his enthusiasm, touching his hand to Hotch's shoulder in the process. Hotch's mouth falls agape, and his sights shoot to you. A small snort escapes you, and you cover your mouth, attempting to conceal it as a cough. He squints at you as if he is mentally murdering you. You crinkle your nose at him.

Don't mentally murder me when we are about to interview one of the most prolific killers of our time.

The warden leads you into the small cell that you will convert into a makeshift interrogation room. Soon enough, you hear the clanking of chains echoing in the hallway. Everyone's eyesight is fixed on the door.

A silver-haired man dressed in a yellow jumpsuit walks in with an air of arrogance and determination. He glares at Agent Hotchner, who mirrors the prisoner's actions exactly. Hotch states that keeping the prisoner chained will not be necessary, a call that both you and Spencer are unsure of.

Hardwick sits across from you and leans into the table, "I know you."

"And I know you. Too well, I think," you respond.

A menacing grin sweeps across his face, "Oh, I like you already. How about you send these two away so the grown-ups can talk."

You can hear your boss scoff from behind you.

"Chester, it's time to get serious."

"You were born April 4, 1950?" Spencer asks.

"Does my birthday really matter?"

"It's customary for us to start at the beginning. We want to know as much as we can about your childhood," Reid continues.

"There's nothing to know. It was average. I lived in a nice house on a quiet street. I ate cereal, went to school, watched cartoons."

"I don't have time for this," Hotch raises his voice, causing you to jump slightly, "You grew up in a series of projects, each one worse than the last. You spent your teenage years peeping into your female neighbors' windows and burglarizing their underwear drawers when you got the chance. You set 100 small fires for which you spent 2 years in juvenile detention."

You glance at Reid from the corner of your eye; you are both uncomfortable with the direction Hotch is taking this.

"We've done extensive research, Mr. Hardwick," you say, gently trying to soften the blow and appeal to the man's ego. If Hotch is taking the bad cop role, you need to be this psychopath's ally.

"We've talked to almost everyone you've ever known," you continue, "including your mother."

Chester swivels on the balls of his feet, "Good ol' Jean? I'll bet she was a real treat."

"At this point, lying to us isn't really possible or helpful," Spencer offers a slight smirk to the man.

"Y/N, right?" the prisoner turns his attention to you, "They're wrong. They're all wrong."

"About what, Chester?" You implore him.

"I started a lot more than one hundred fires," he peers out the window.

You look up at Hotch, and he sighs in surrender.

Chester antagonizes you three, stating that no one care's whether or not they hear the truth. In between his jabs, he strays to various different series of thoughts. Most are meaningless, but it is his way of trying to get under your skin. For you and Spencer, it is relatively easy to maintain your composure. For Hotch, however, Hardwick's digs do nothing but add fuel to the already lit flame under the special agent.

"Let's talk about the specifics of this case, Chester," you interrupt his rant, "Why did you choose Sheila O'Neal?"

He shakes his head, "You gotta show me a picture. I don't know their names."

As if you can feel Hotch's anger radiating off of his body, you brace yourself for the oncoming strike.

"Is that what this is all about," he says disgustedly, "Some chance for you to relive all of this?"

"I have an excellent memory," Chester brags.

You tune his impassionate speech out and focus your observance on your boss. His scalding stare at Hardwick can only translate one way, 'I have initiated my emotional indifference. I could kill you and not care one bit. So proceed with caution.'

"They were toys, a diversion," you hear Hardwick chant as you tune back into the present. Hotch looks anywhere but at the killer in front of him, his gaze eventually landing you. You are some kind of shelter to him that neither of you has yet acknowledged or come to understand.

Your stomach churns at Chester's descriptions of his victims. He describes them as useless objects that, once their purpose was served, were discarded like garbage.

"Why did you ask us here?" Hotch charges.

The wicked man looks at you, his eyes void of a soul and his stare sending a chill down your veins. 

"I wanted to speak to her." 

Your breath catches at the back of your throat.

With that, Hotch straightens up and fervently positions himself between Chester and you. "Reid, pack it up," he commands.

Reid looks to you, "Are you sure?"

"No, now." Your superior repeats himself with even more fervor. He presses the buzzer to signal the guards to release us and says, "Have a nice trip. You're going where you belong." Hotch makes sure to put as much distance between you and Hardwick as possible. He buzzes the ringer again. No response.

"It's 5:17," Hardwick chuckles.

You close your eyes, the reality of the situation finally sinking in. Reaching out for Hotch's arm, you lower his hand from the buzzer. "The evening yard begins at 5 o'clock. No one is going to come open that door for-"

"At least thirteen minutes," Chester disrupts. He waltzes over the table and takes one of the images of his victims into his hand. Holding it up as if to brag to us about it, he says, "And it took me less than five minutes to do this."

You push aside your worry. Instead, you choose to focus on all of the information you have accumulated over the years about Chester Hardwick. There has to be something you can use to your advantage to diffuse this situation.

"Perhaps in all of your research, you should have familiarized yourselves with the guard tones," Hardwick jeers.

"I heard the tones," Hotch counters in a monotone voice.

"So you planned to be locked inside with me, with no guns or weapons."

Hotch shakes his head, his voice more natural than before, "I won't need a gun."

Spencer places his hand on your arm and begins to guide you to the other side of the room.

"There's no way I am going to be executed next week," Chester taunts, kneading his hands together. "Not after I kill three FBI agents. You saved my life by coming here." His venomous words ring in your ears.

Hotch's tone deepens, "Unfortunately for you, I am not a five-foot-one-hundred-pound girl."

Your pulse quickens at Hotch's threat, and your attention is rapt by his display of dominance. He begins to shed his jacket. You feel yourself flushing; attraction suddenly entangles you as if it were an invisible rope.

Now is the worst possible time to be feeling this. Calm down.

"All of your life, you've gone after victims who couldn't fight back," he fiercely says, "and the rest of the time you spent looking over your shoulder." You understand the intensity in his tone and sense a great deal of emotion behind his words.

He rips his tie from his collar, and your breathing hitches in the back of your throat. Hopefully, Spencer doesn't notice, and if he does, he chalks it up to the deadly situation you find yourself in.

"You were always worried about the knock on the door," Hotch doesn't back down, "Scared that somebody like me would be on the other side waiting to put you away."

Well, if you keep ripping your tie off like th--no. Not gonna go there right now. Focus on the pyshco-killer threatening to kill you.  

Now, Hotch intimidatingly points his finger directly at Hardwick.

If only I were on the receiving end of tha--no! Now. Is. Not. The. Time.

"At your core, you are a coward," Hotch fires.  

You have to do something. Hardwick is enraged, and Hotch has nothing left to lose.

Without even giving it a second thought, you blurt out, "Chester, do you want to know why you killed those women?"

"What?" The prisoner hisses.

Spencer speaks up, "Earlier, you said you wished you were different. We can tell you why you are...what you are."

He begins moving towards you, and out of the corner of your eye, you notice your boss carefully making equal strides. You motion for him to stop.

"You can tell me why I did what I did?"

"I think so," you nod, "Don't you, Dr. Reid?"

"I do. Your mother is bipolar. And almost certainly an undifferentiated schizophrenic. Your father suffered severe shell shock in the war, what we now refer to as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. As far as I can tell, he remained clinically depressed the rest of his life."

"Exactly," you say, giving Spencer a chance to gather his thoughts after having thrown him under the bus.

"53% of all serial killers have some form of mental illness inherent to their families. Chester, in your case, both of your parents suffered from psychological disorders, which they essentially took out on each other as much as they beat you. So, violence sort of became a normal expression of love in your household," you say, eager to have some kind of breakthrough with him while subliminally directing Spencer's string of thoughts to follow yours.

Allowing Reid to pick up where you leave off, he takes charge of the conversation and explains how a portion of one's brain wants what it wants without conscience or judgment. A part of the brain that no doubt took over Hotch's reasoning powers moments ago, though you do not blame him.

"Earlier, you said your victims never had a chance. I think you know deep down that it was you that never really had a chance," he concludes. And with that victorious resolution, the guards unlock the door. Hotch storms out, and Reid follows behind.

"Is that true that I never had the chance?" Hardwick calls out after you both.

You stop in your tracks, "I don't know."

"Maybe," Spencer nudges you out the door.

++++

In the car, Hotch looks at you in the rearview mirror, "That was smart to get Hardwick to focus on himself long enough for the guards to come back."

You pat Spencer's shoulder, "I give all the credit to boy wonder and his beautiful statistic-filled brain. I'm sorry for all of the times I said you were running out of storage with all of that useless data."

"I find that I do some of my best work under intense terror," he declares, "Wait. Useless data? When did you say that?"

You pinch him softly and chuckle, "I'm kidding."

"I'm sorry," Hotch sighs.

You meet his gaze in the mirror once again, "For what?"

His chestnut eyes reveal pangs of remorse and guilt, but something tells you there's more to those feelings than what occurred at the prison.

"I antagonized the situation."

"No, you didn't," Spencer states.

"I certainly didn't help."

"Well, I can't argue with you there," you kid.

His piercing eyes suddenly twinkle, causing you to blush slightly. You quickly look down at your feet until your cheeks cool down.

Hotch sighs in defeat, "So Haley wants me to sign the divorce papers uncontested so that nobody wastes money on lawyers."

That statement is all too familiar to you. Yet again, your heart shatters for the Hotchners.

"You don't want to?" Spencer asks innocently.

He means well, but you know from experience that such a question only unleashes a tidal wave of painful emotions for the one fighting for his family.

"What I want, I'm not going to get," Hotch laments.

His eyes, once filled with depth, now distant and empty.

++++

Glancing up from your paperwork and into your supervisor's office, you take note of his gravity-drawn shoulders that carry the weight of the world on them. He repeatedly picks up a stack of papers and then drops them back down atop his desk, covering his face with his hands.

"What do you think is going on up there?" Derek asks, pointing his pen in the direction of the office.

"I might have an idea. I'm going to go take my report; anyone else's done?" They all hand you their paperwork for you to deliver to the boss.

You hesitate to knock on his door but apprehensively do so anyways.

He invites you in. Your heart sinks as you approach his desk, able to get a closer look at his beaten expression. You always knew he was hiding pain behind his tough exterior, but now he wears it on the surface, most likely unintentionally.

Placing the paperwork on his desk, you notice the heading on the papers he was gripping tightly.

SUPREME COURT STATE OF VIRGINIA: MARITAL SETTLEMENT AGREEMENT

Hotch's eyes move slowly, laboriously, to look at you as if it takes a concentrated effort to do so.

"Heartache is a real thing," you sympathize with him, "In fact, Reid even told me that a broken heart can show up on medical scans. When a heart breaks, your body and brain need time to recuperate. There's no set amount of time or remedy that will heal you. Don't set your expectations of yourself too high, and surround yourself with the people who love you."

His chin trembles, and his eyes flutter as he blinks back tears.

You turn to leave the room but look over your shoulder one last time, "We are all here for you, Hotch."

Just as you are about to shut the door, you hear him call out to you, "Y/L/N!"

His stare reveals a vulnerability you have had yet to see in him.

"Call me Aaron."

Tag List 🏷

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[famdommcfanface]

Good Omens Celebration 2020

Day Two: Cake

So this chapter was going to have cake in it before I even read the prompt! This has some really mild angst in it and it’s honestly the most angst I’ve ever written.

@goodomenscelebration

The whole work (when it’s uploaded) can be found here.

Aziraphale arrived at five to twelve, unable to contain his anticipation any longer, just to find Crowley already sprawled under a tree on a large picnic blanket. He sat up swiftly when he saw the white figure of Aziraphale approaching.

"Angel," he said, by way of greeting. Aziraphale sat opposite him, a sensible two meters apart. Exactly, if anyone had cared to measure it. He placed the old-fashioned picnic basket next to him, carefully on the ground. Out of it he took all manner of baked goods, as well as little triangle sandwiches, and spread them on the blanket.

"You have been busy."

"Yes, I think I've gotten rather good at human baking." Admittedly, the baking he did wasn't totally human. Something, some little thing, always seemed to go wrong. The batter would split, or the icing wouldn't come out quite right, or he'd get distracted by a book and leave them in the oven until they burnt. Well, no sense in not fixing these little mistakes. What else were his powers for?

Crowley took a small, blue cupcake and eyed it appreciatively, before wolfing it down in two bites. Of course, Aziraphale knew this was how he ate, but he would have liked a little more care taken over them. 

“So, what have you been occupying yourself with? Other than sleeping, of course,” Aziraphale asked, still carefully unwrapping his cupcake from its paper casing.

“This and that, you know.”

“Got much tempting done?”

“Well, it’s not really my job anymore - but no. They seemed to be making enough of a mess of things themselves, no point adding to it all.”

“No. No, I rather suppose not.”

“How about you? Done many miracles?”

“As much as I could. Like you said, I thought the humans might need them.” Although perhaps not as many as he should have, Aziraphale reflected. With every day of lockdown passing, those weeks of isolation, he’d stayed more and more holed up by himself, forgetting the world existed. And every so often he’d catch a news broadcast on his ancient telly (which by rights shouldn’t be working, as with half the things in his shop) of some horrific accident happening in the world. Fires, war, violence… every time he felt he should do something. Every time he did a little less.

“I went to the protests,” Crowley said suddenly, snapping Aziraphale out of his reverie.

“Hmm?”

“The protests. Black lives matter. There were a few in July, August… head office never liked me going to that sort of thing but they can’t stop me now. Of course, I missed the early ones.”

“Oh yes, those. I was there.”

“Topple any statues?”

“I might have… made them a little easier to topple.”

He grinned, and Crowley smiled back at him. How long had it been since he’d smiled, longer still since they’d smiled together. 

“Well, it should all be over now,” Aziraphale said, looking at the people milling around the park. Yes, a few more masks, people standing a little further away from one another, but it all seemed to be back to normal.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Crowley said darkly.

“What do you mean, my dear?”

“I-” He faltered slightly, but only for a moment. “I’m worried about them. You know, humanity. I feel like they’re - taking things for granted a little more than they should.”

Aziraphale took a sip of champagne which he had, almost by accident. “You think it’s not over, do you.”

“I just think they should be careful.” 

As if to illustrate this point, a group of teenagers pass by, no masks or social distancing to be seen. There’s no way to prove they don’t live together, but everyone knows they don’t.

Aziraphale sighed. “Just eat some more cake.”

“That’s one solution.” Crowley picked up another cupcake but didn’t eat it just yet. He never was one for eating much, he preferred some other human material objects. He sighed too, and Aziraphale knew the conversation was over. The people around the park were no longer a beacon of hope.

“It would have been better if I wasn’t on my own. Lockdown, I mean.” Aziraphale didn’t notice what he had said until the words settled in the air.

“Angel, I-”

“Crowley, I didn’t mean-”

“I just thought it’d be better-”

“I know you did, Crowley. It was a very good thing you did.” He expected some rebuke, at least some warning look, but Crowley just looked down. Aziraphale had a feeling that if he was human he would have blushed.

“S’pose,” he mumbled.

Crowley didn’t stay long after that. He did eat the cake, and he took away with him as many baked goods as Aziraphale could load onto him, even though he knew they would largely remain uneaten. But excuses were made and the demon departed. And once more, Aziraphale was left alone.

[skittles1229]

Old Expectations Die Hard (Dashie x Reader Fanfic)

Chapter One: Weird Circumstances

You know your life is complicated when the friend you always complain to says "you never have a dull moment do you?" I sigh as the weight of the world seems to make it impossible to breath. You see recently things have been rough. I lost my job and my fiance all in the same day, that itself was an unbelievable story. I was so upset and strung out on thoughts of what to do that once i got home early from work i didn't notice the extra car in the driveway. i stepped into my home and my own floors felt as if they'd given way when i saw the guy i thought i'd be spending my life with in bed, with my sister... my sister and i hadn't been on good terms for a while and for a good reason! The drugs she took either made her unreliable and selfish or crazy and murderous. He, of course, pulled the its not what you think, id never hurt you, it was a mistake, and honestly i could write a book out of the excuses i heard in the time of two minutes but maybe another time. Needless to say i left. I never thought about going back and to be honest my sister looked more hurt then i was. I took a job in California a few weeks ago and moved in with my friend (BFF Name). They always seemed to know what to say and honestly i truly believe They  knew me better then i know myself. 

California gave me the biggest culture shock I've ever had. I came from Mississippi, the bible belt and the most rural part of the world. California was sooooo different then what i was use to. The weather is awesome. There's lots of jobs for technical people, at least until you're 45 and then you're considered ancient and you can't possibly know anything when some 23-year old out of Stanford tells you that they know it all. (a little bit of sarcasm there) It's a great place to start a new company, money is available as is talent. The risk of starting a company is lower since you can always find a new job The politics are insane, if you aren't towing the progressive party line you should just STFU. If you even once say that Trump has done something positive, or that Obama did something negative prepare for the wrath. Read the stuff behind the recently filed lawsuit against google for a taste of what it's like. Seriously, don't say a word. The state if structurally bankrupt, although the finances look good because so much stuff is off of the balance sheet. The public pension liability dwarfs the "good" part of the budget, and some day it is coming home to roost. Watch out when it does. The cost of living is absurd, really absurd. I'm not talking just a place to live but gas, electricity, haircuts, milk, pizza, you name it. The traffic is absurd too. (can you tell i like the word absurd) The public transit, although usually on time, is a mess. People are pigs, they throw trash everywhere, the cars are overcrowded almost all the time. 

I've got to say, from how much it sounds like i hate California, i actually don't.  Mainly because its so far away from my original family, leaving really helped me start to grow up and feel like maybe i was getting a hold of my life again. Only problem has been getting to my new job on time. I work as a barista and a waitress at a brunch place a good minute away from the apartment. The money is good, otherwise i wouldn't waste my time with the commute everyday. i keep being late to work because i still haven't adjusted to how terrible traffic is and so my boss was "nice" enough to switch me to the later shifts. The hours are long and boring because my shift starts in the middle of rush hour to the slowest hours at the end of the day meaning you have to find things to keep yourself busy with. the only good thing is, we can wear pretty much anything we want as long as its black. all i wear is dark colors so i didn't have to spend any extra money on a uniform and i didn't have to wear the same thing everyday. Today i decided i wear a v-neck shirt that with an emperor waist (body forming) with black skinny jeans and my regular converse. i decided against driving to work and decided it would be far smarter to catch a bus to the nearest destination. My (hair color) hair was done is a fishtail messy braid, i always liked this style because it made me look like i had a head full of hair when in reality i thought i was going bald. 

My personality was a little odd, you see some days i felt like the beautiful nerd who has no confidence and wants to hide away in a hole. other days i feel like a model from Victoria secrets, of course those are the days i get the most tips. today was honestly a mutual day, where id rather be at home in my bed asleep, or listening to music. The bus finally stopped a block away from my job and i sighed obviously not wanting to go into work. surprisingly there wasn't nearly  as many cars as there usually is around this time but i wasn't complaining. i walk in to see that most of the downstairs was empty but whoever was upstairs definitely had a loud mouth. i walk to the back in order to clock in and i bump into melany ( the girl im shifting with). "wow you actually got here on time! Maybe the boss's mood will cheer up." i huffed a little. "yea, i dont know why i thought id need a car in California, say whats with the low level of customers? its NEVER this slow." she looked at me in disdain, "some guys reserved the entire upstairs and we had to make this huge table out of all our tables up there, glad im not gonna be the one fixing it later." i rolled my eyes, i hated when a huge family came in and they just had to move everything around because little johnny wants the sit next to suzzie and suzzie HAS to sit by her parents bc she likes to throw her food on the floor, all fake names but a real situation ive been in before. "well have they at least been fed so that i only have to clean up after them?" she shook her head while hanging up her apron. "nope, they've only ordered their drinks and they are getting those onto trays now." so today was gonna be like every other day. "guess i better go help them take those upstairs then, have a good rest of your day." i walk away and slip on my apron, grabbed one of the trays of drinks while another waiter grabbed the rest of the drinks. Once i got upstairs, that's when i met him...

Chapter Two: Last Will and Testament

          He was sitting on the far end of the long table of people laughing and joking. everyone seemed to be loud and all had their own inside jokes. This guy, he stuck out. i changed my attention to the task at hand, finishing this shift. i hated when people moved all the tables and seating around. all the waiters and waitresses have to go back behind them and look at the layout of the floor to put them all back exactly as they were before. it was a struggle and because of this nobody actually wanted that job so usually the manager gives it to her least favorite workers and i happened to be one. "who all had coke?" nobody answered me so one of the men bellowed out the same line and somehow was able to get a show of hands. i walked around handing  out drinks, catching the lingering smell of strong liquor. i could tell by the end of tonight they would all be wasted and loud. please, just don't make more of a mess then you have to, i thought to myself. i had one drink left on my tray, "sweet tea?" the guy i saw before at the end of the table waved his hand and i dreaded going over there, i always seem to make a fool of myself when it matters. 

     i make my way slowly down the table with the tray under my arm and the tea in my hand. i lean over to sit his drink on the table.."here's your t-" *CRASH* while joking with one of his friends his elbow crashes into my hand sending the tea flying all over me and the cup crashing to the floor, thank god i wore black. he turned around and looked more horrified then i did. "i'm sorry! i'm so sorry!" his voice was deeper then i imagined it'd be. "no, it my fault i'm sorry ill get you a new one." i turned away to hide my embarrassment and walked away really just trying to get away from the situation. i could tell from the silence behind me that all eyes were on me. i ran to the back where the lockers were for the service. i went to the bathroom and stripped the sticky clothes off throwing them aside. i sat on the toilet  trying to catch my breath, my social anxiety had struck me  hard. a feeling of worthlessness and dread fell over me like a blanket. after the past few months i've had just one day without something terrible happening would mean the world to me. i heard a knock on the door, it was melany, she walked in with a towel from the kitchen. "hey, i heard what happen upstairs are you ok?" i covered my breast trying keep myself as unexposed as possible. "oh yea im fine, im just cold, and sticky, and... covered in tea." melany and i made eye contact and both laughed just to lift the dread in the air. "let me guess, all the guys are getting a kick out of watching me fumble again huh?" i said a little less concerned and more annoyed. she rolled her eyes "they are boys, they get a kick out of picking their own nose. we both slid to the floor beside each other, she hands me the damp towel. i get most of the sticky off as possible, throwing my hair up to make it look less clumped together by the sugar. "i have an extra black t shirt in my locker but i don't know how it will fit you. your breast are at least a size larger then mine." i shrugged my shoulders, "who cares ill make do. thanks for your help melany." she smiled her weird anime girl smile and ran to get the shirt from her locker.

     ill have to admit, she was right about the size thing. it was far to small around the chest area but the rest fit fine. after the incident my boss stuck me down stairs wiping tables and sweeping the floor, i dont mind though because i get to experience the day coming to an end with a beautiful sunset over California. i secretly kept the the window to watch as the sun fell from the sky. the sky seemed to burn and darken while the clouds began to glow with the last bit of sunlight left. the sky filled up with burning Burgundy and faded orange and yellows, the tallest buildings seemed to reach for the skyline as if it were a sunflower moving to the last drip of sunlight. moving here had been hard, and this had become one of the things i looked forwards to. living in the apartment with my friend was nice, buts its not the same as coming home to someone you use to lay with every night. sleeping alone seemed so much colder and emptier then i remembered from childhood. my mother would be so disappointed in the way i turned out, in the places id gone and the decision to spend my life with someone who was most obviously the wrong one. she would have told me to slow down and to take my time, that growing up wasn't everything. she would have said love isn't something you just wake up and have, its something you make. i wasn't anywhere close to where i thought id be by now, and i could see that. it tears at my heart everyday, not being able to see her or any of my family. sometimes it felt as if they'd all died in the fire that night. 

     i suddenly heard a boom of voices making their way down the stairs, i hadn't realized how close to closing time it had become. all of them walk out stumbling and laughing at their own jokes, seems they all got a good bit of drinking in, all except one. The guy i ran into on accident seemed as sober as ever, designated driver i think, he was much taller now. he seemed muscular but in such a fitting way for his body. his teeth sparkle because their so white, his smile complimented him best. his high cheekbones made his chocolate brown eyes his best feature. His skin was glowing with a sweet honey hue and before i could notice that i was staring he turned his head. his eyes met mind before i could think twice and that's when i felt the heat rise to my cheeks. weather it be from embarrassment or silly school girl shyness i didn't know . i turned my face away but it was too late, i turned my face a little just to catch a glimpse of him before he made his way out of the door and that's when i noticed his cheeks had gone from a burnt caramel to a rosy color. i felt my body shiver at the thought that maybe, just maybe he found me as attractive as i found him. i shook the thought from head realizing they had began locking the place down. as i helped close up shop and wash dishes i couldn't help but to let my mine wander to all different kinds of thoughts, funny thing was they always fell back to him and his rosy  cheeks. i couldn't help but smile as i felt my heart race at the thought of him, even though id made a fool of myself today i was glad i hadn't ruined my chances. Even if he'd never get with me or i wouldn't ever see him again, i'd still take it as a compliment that he even looked my way. 

     before long we were all outside laughing and talking about today. The manager locked the doors and said his goodbyes. i turn to walk towards the bus station when i see a man standing aside awkwardly between the restaurant and the parking lot. suddenly my eyes adjusted and once they did, the joyousness butterflies came back and the blush suddenly reappeared on my cheeks..

There are lots more chapter after this if you are interested you can find them here

https://my.w.tt/sosFRmianbb

[angel-deux-writes]

Hi Angel! I've been a big fan of yours since HCM, and so I wanted to express my concern for your wellbeing. There was that big break when you took a month or so to finish HCM before posting it in quick succession, in order to not have to deal with the comments. Now, from what you've been writing in the notes to Dorne Rights, it looks like you are experiencing something similar. The selfish fan in me wants you to keep writing and keep posting, but the basic human in me is more worried that (1/2)

you are unhappy. Nothing is worth making yourself unhappy over, particularly not something that’s meant to give you pleasure. A favourite author of mine back in the days of my Spike/Angel obsession had a disclaimer on her stories telling readers to please not leave feedback of any kind, not even constructive criticism, on her fics because she finds them unhelpful. Her comment section was full of chats about various topics in that fandom, rather than her own fiction. Might help. (2/2)

Hello! I really appreciate this message, because you’re right: fanfic writing isn’t good for me.

(lol putting this beneath the cut because it’s way too long)

It’s actually my experience in this fandom that has made me realize that writing in general probably isn’t good for me, but unfortunately I feel a drive to it and can’t seem to stop myself from thinking I’ll one day get published, so that’s a bit of a downer. The truth is that I’m naturally disposed toward thinking that I’m shit, my words are shit, and every thought I’ve ever had is unoriginal and poorly written. It’s always been like that, from the time I wrote my first attempt at fiction at 7 years old to now at 31. It takes a lot for me to share my writing with people. I started writing fic at 14, basically as soon as I discovered that I wasn’t the only person composing stories about Han and Leia in their free time. I’m sure that my fics were horrendous. I give myself a hard time now, but 14 year old me probably deserved it even more. But there were sweet people on the internet who encouraged me (and lied to me) and told me that my stories were good, and that made a huge difference. 

(that and my freshman year english teacher, who was very very cute and earnest and young and made me feel like I could actually be a writer.)

I’ve never been a part of a fandom before. Discourse and meta and long discussions about canon events have never interested me. I’ve said that before, and it remains true! I consume what canon there is, and sometimes I like it, and sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I’m so dissatisfied with it that I need to write something, and so I do. I don’t think I’ve ever written fic for something that I found entirely satisfactory. The extension of my being part of an actual fandom in the past was probably reblogging a few gifsets and recommending it to friends. I’ve just never had that sort of communal experience. This, the J/B fandom, was my first time really getting into it. It’s the first time I’ve ever made friends online that weren’t just frequent commenters on long multichapter fics! It has been exciting and I’m grateful for it! It’s just also probably not good for me. 

It’s just, like, every time I post something, I’m fighting a very loud and very desperate voice in my head that’s saying “you’re shit and you shouldn’t bother”. It’s why I’m so good at writing first drafts of novels but so, so bad at getting past the second. It’s why I usually post fics only until I’ve worked out my frustrations: one or two fics per fandom and then ghosting away forever. It’s very hard to defy that voice and post something anyway, and this fandom experience has taught me that no matter HOW many stories I post, I’m ALWAYS going to have to fight that voice. And it’s gotten actively stronger. “You’re not what this fandom wants” “You’re not good at this” “Everyone’s just being nice” “You’ve overstayed your welcome”. Paying attention, often by accident, to the discourse and the metas only makes it worse, because my brain automatically turns to “well YOU don’t write them like that. That means you’re wrong”. I can tell myself as many times as I want that I myself like many different interpretations of J/B! My brain goes “yeah, but you’re just an idiot who doesn’t know any better. There’s a right way, and you’re not doing it”. 

THIS IS ALL SO DRAMATIC! But it’s just the truth! Every time I post something, it’s against my nature. NO ONE outside of fandom reads my writing! I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve allowed my close friends and family to read things. So while it may seem like, idk, like I should just be able to get over it, negative comments, or even SLIGHTLY critical comments, really hit me hard. For all the positive feedback I get (and I really AM super grateful for it, and it means the world to me), those few critical voices seem louder because they’re agreeing with what I have already known about myself. And so it feels almost like a victory, but a shitty one. “Ha! I was right this whole time! I AM a shit writer, and I’ve for some reason tricked those other people into thinking I’m good!” 

For a long time (much longer than I’ve ever written for any other fandom, obviously), I was able to shove it to the side. The J/B fandom HAS been super good to me, and they HAVE been wonderful about giving me feedback and making me feel welcome and included. But those negative voices are just SO LOUD to me, even though I know logically that they shouldn’t be. 

It would be easy to point to a specific problem and say that my issues will be fixed if only I can address that. I do it CONSTANTLY. Maybe if I stopped tagging other relationships. Maybe if I stopped tagging other characters. Maybe if I tagged my works super specifically. Maybe if I made author’s notes about how I’m a shit writer and people shouldn’t expect things from me. Maybe if I just wrote “THIS STORY IS WRITTEN ALREADY AND IM JUST EDITING AS I GO! PLEASE DONT SUGGEST THINGS!” I just feel like, increasingly, I want fewer and fewer eyes on my fics. It’s the opposite of the problem I thought I would have. But my confidence took a huge hit with HCM, and then I was finally feeling good enough to post Dorne Rights. It was probably a mistake! 

idk, maybe it’s just all the shit that’s going on in the world + in my personal life. Maybe it’s just time. Maybe I’m just running out of inspiration. But the positive voices aren’t loud enough to drown out my own negative self-voice this time, and so I’ve been trying to figure out how to handle it. Part of me wants to delete Dorne Rights with the intention of reworking it and maybe posting it again down the line with fewer tags and a lot more reminders that people can write their own stories if they don’t like mine. Part of me wants to just do a HCM and post it all at once so that I can leave the finished product up (even if I now think the entire thing is garbage). Part of me wants to stop writing fic entirely, at least until the next time I watch something with an ending so bad it fucks me up. I think my solution will probably be a massive step back from fandom for a little while. I’ve been feeling a drive to work on my original stuff, and I should probably lean into that. I would like to still write and post J/B, once I find the inspiration, but I’m tired of feeling like this is a job. I think I got so deeply sunk into this attitude of “I NEED to write and post constantly because these people want me to, and they actually like what I write!!” that I stopped writing things because I wanted to write them and started writing them because I wanted to write things for other people, to make other people happy, and so that they could tell me that I’m not a shit writer at all.

I should make it clear that I do intend to write my JB fic swap thing FOR SURE. I will drag that story out of myself no matter what. But in general it’s probably just healthier for me to not spend so much time On Here especially, and on fic in general.

[sweetjazzygirl]

Help Miracle Mercado, a 20 year old, victim of ab//s//

this is a story of a young adult, 20 year old victim, born 2000, November 28

I'm sorry for some mistakes and typos, i was tired so i will fix them later when i have the chance

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

the post will contain, Domestic violence and ab//s//, mention of R//p// and s//xu//l a//s//ult, Bullying, and many more

⚠️WARNING⚠️

if you PLAN to share this on Facebook and Instagram, i have to inform you her 'family' is using them, entire family using Facebook and a "dad" and a "brother" (they don't deserve those terms) using Instagram so please, be careful, i can't leak them due to knowing people will attack them for ab//s// which will lead her life probably to an end

I WILL LEAVE Q&A IN THIS POST, PLEASE KEEP READING THIS BEFORE ASKING QUESTIONS, YOUR ANSWERS WILL BE IN THIS POST!!

Miracle (short name Mira) Mercado is a 20 year old young woman, lives in Pennsylvania, Mira has suffered so much ab//s// since birth and currently, she's now only being emotionally abused than physically (used to be abused physically)

Mira has been bullied in school because she was born in the toilet, calling her "toilet baby" (it's been confirmed she was born in it), she was 6 months old after birth, Mira died 3 times at the hospital as an infant which she deserved the name "Miracle" for surviving

but unfortunately, Mira didn't get the happiest childhood she deserved, she was being abused, pushed in, punched by, insulted, many HORRIFYING stuff, all by her entire 'family' except her grandma, the mother of Mira's "Mother", who stood by her side and passed away due to cancer because of her daughter's (Mira's 'Mother') death wish

Mira had a teacher at 9th grade with her before but her luck vanished as her teacher left her because the school threatened to fire her and suddenly told Mira's "Dad" everything, causing the r//p// to happen as possibly a punishment (as what i've heard)

Mira also got as//au//ted, instead of support she got victim blamed by her 'family', her "Dad" blames Mira for also his parents death

To let you know, his parents were also behind the abuse as well, he forced her, her as a child that time to take care of them instead of his lazy ass to do so, forcing her to watch them all night while he gets all the rest and after all that, Mira's 'grandparents' (her "Dad"'s Parents) passed away due to lack of treatment. Mira even mentioned she was told she looked just like his mom which is unknowingly if he could be abusing her because of that as if he and his brother were abused in their entire life as well

Mira also mentioned her cousin was crushing on her older 'sister', unknown if he still does

Mira is also Asexual but her entire 'family' are LGBTphobic, her oldest 'brother' and 'father' never stop making sexual jokes, no matter how much it can be uncomfortable

Mira's entire 'family' also mocks people with disabilities and mental illness, this includes Mira as well since she's suffering with a disability and mental illness so she's being mocked and made fun of, they also tend to have no respect for people who are into dark stuff (goths and emos, she's into Goth stuff)

Mira also had pets before but that faded away because of her sick minded 'father' and 'brother', i also have to mention that her 'dad' and his brother abused his own dog who was old at that time for their entire life, Mira's oldest 'brother' also locks dogs and cats in basement because he can't stand them meowing and barking, Mira had dogs, one is a brown puppy, male, got kicked by her 'Dad' and one is an old fluffy white dog, female, kicked by her 'brother', she also had a cat on her own but it's known it got kicked out as well (currently, her 'mom' has a cat so yes, she's a cat person as well for an abuser)

a picture of Mira's dog before losing her (the only picture she has left)

Mira had lost everything by the hands of those devils, only to make her life like hell

Her 'mom' also has a boyfriend (her 'parents' are not married, but one of the siblings are half), who's an abuser as well and was sent to prison, he could've gotten out this month (march) right now

Her family also starves her as they give her only little food or nothing at all, making her underweight and then saying the stupidest words "you look awful" like of course she look awful, you devils straight up made her life a living hell

Mira's 'sister' has a room for her own but her selfishness decided to use Mira's room instead, having the power to control it and because of it Mira can't do anything

Mira used to have that card where she gets food to survive but they took it from her and has control in it, so they use her name to get the food for themselves, making her starving

i may not be the type of a person who'd leak pictures of faces but this is for the best, if you ever found them, especially with Mira, please i'd love for you to save her staying away from them

i didn't get the pictures of the older and younger 'brothers' but i hope this helps

Now for the questions and answers

"Did she called the police/has anyone reported it?"

Her online school did but unfortunately, the police didn't believe her and she couldn't say anything because 1- she was being watched by her 'brother' to make sure "she doesn't talk shit" (more like "she doesn't expose their crimes") and 2- her 'Dad' uses his overweight body and mental illness as an excuse against her

"Why didn't she ran away?"

She did once but was forced to go back now it's very difficult for her to run away so she needs a plan

"Does she has anyone else to live with?"

Her 'friends' but they kicked her out because they hated her, for no reason so sadly, she doesn't have anyone else to live with

"Does she have evidence of abuse?"

Fortunately yes, she does and i'd like to share them but some of them are graphic so..

"Does she have enough money to get out?"

She's poor, she doesn't have a job because they don't let her but she at least gains them but it won't be that easy because they're stealing it from her (she's currently living with her 'mom' and 'sister'

"Can't she defend herself?"

They get more angry when she tries to defend herself, believe me, abusers gets the power whenever the victim tries to defend themselves

"what can I do to help?"

If you live in the same state as her and found her walking around the street, alone or with her member family, help her to escape at all cost and DON'T let one of them take her away (her 'Dad' has a car so watch out), i'd also to love if one of you created a GoFundMe page for her since she used to have one but it got removed, also show her support

i got Instagram highlight where i share her life story

Mira's profile, she also created a highlight of her abused life story as well

Note: if you're the type of person who makes fun of people for self insert and such, i suggest you to get out, this is an abused victim we're talking about here and if you're careless so much about it then i hope you rot in hell

Please, be gentle with her, she's sensitive and doesn't take it well. she needs help to escape this help

thank you very much

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I'm the new johnlock Fanfic reader who asked you for recs recently. Thank you so much for your suggestions. I've been reading non-stop ever since lol. Could I ask for more recs? Any fics with infidelity, between the boys, if you don't mind? And any fics dealing with Sherlock's addiction? Particularly after John's wedding but not necessarily. Thank you so much again. Lots of love.

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: Hey. I sent an ask a few days ago, I think, asking for fic recommendations for infidelity between the boys and Sherlock’s addiction. I was just wondering if you got that ask or if tumblr ate it. No rush to answer it, of course. Have a nice day and thanks.

Hi Nonny!

Ah, I’m happy you’re enjoying my fic recs, and I’m sorry I took so long to curate this list for you, LOL. My Infidelity fics were scattered across various lists for some reason so I had to pull them all into one. As for the addicted Sherlock, I do have Self Harm, Danger Nights, and Drugs list you can check out, since I’ve nothing really new I’ve added to it since I posted it up a couple months ago 

So, here’s this new list for you, and I welcome people to add their own fics to it!

———-

INFIDELITY

The Two of Us Against the World by slashscribe (T, 1,617 w. || Post-TAB, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Drug Addiction, Anxious Sherlock, Angsty Fluff) – John is there to take care of Sherlock as he comes down from his overdose in The Abominable Bride. Set immediately after the tarmac, back in 221B.

BBCSH ‘Lament’ by tigersilver (T, 2,951 w.|| Implied Infidelity, Angst, Post-HLV, Canon Divergence) – When Sherlock is alone in the flat he still speaks to John Watson.

If He Knows by shamelessmash (M, 4,513 w. || TSo3 Fic, Pining Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Angst, Sherlock POV, Texting, Internal Monologue, Blanket Forts) – I imagine mornings: John handing me a cup of tea, hair sticking out at odd angles. How he would bend down to kiss me, smiling fondly as he pulls away. The way his skin crinkles at the corner of his eyes, the way his skin looks in the morning light. The soft sigh as he sits in his chair with the morning paper, the way his toes curl in the carpet, the way he rolls his shoulders before sinking deeper into his seat. I watch him, how he is when he is content, as it should be. As he deserves. Happy. With me.

Play for Me by nothingislittle (E, 6,105 w. || Ambiguous Ending, Scars, PWP, Masturbation / Hand Jobs, Angst, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock’s Violin) – John had shown up at Baker Street only one day prior, an army duffle slung over his shoulder, the expression on his face like a cracked and ruptured fault line. Sherlock stood aside, holding open the door, and let John ascend the stairs in silence, asking nothing of Mary, asking nothing at all.

Five Times John Noticed But Didn’t Really by ScandalousMinds (T, 6,383 w. || Domestics, Fluff/Angst, Bratty Sherlock, Idiots, Pre-Slash, Jealous Sherlock, Love Confessions) – 5 times John (thought) he noticed something peculiar about his and Sherlock’s relationship but really missed the obvious.

The Light of Day by allonsys_girl (M, 7,297 w. || First Kiss, Angst, TSo3-Fix-It, Possessive Sherlock, ) – Rewrite of the end of Sign of Three. John actually notices Sherlock leaving the reception early, and chases after him. Angsty Johnlock. Happy ending, for sure. Part 1 of The Light of Day

Of Course I Forgive You by allonsys_girl (E, 10,735 w. || Love Confessions, Canon Divergence, First Time, Frottage, Wall Sex, Infidelity) – What if things had gone differently on that train car?

Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w. | Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock’s perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

The Slow Burn by CaitlinFairchild (E, 12,097 w. || Romance, Emotional Infidelity, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock POV) – John smiles, something small and private and for him alone, and Sherlock just…he knows. With a heart-stopping certainty, Sherlock suddenly knows. It feels like falling off the edge of a cliff. It feels like falling off the edge of the world. It feels like flying.

Vena Cava by SilentAuror (E, 27,452 w. || HLV Fix-It, Romance, H/C, Angst, Infidelity) – Sherlock has been shot in the chest; John has been shot in the heart. Though everything is broken, they do their best to heal the wounds that Mary left on them both.

To be Loved by You by TwisterMelody (M, 28,775 w. || Angst, H/C, Friends to Lovers, Post-HLV, Infidelity, Character Death) – Too many times they had confessed themselves in the darkness, leaving it there, never to speak of it again.  But this is different.  This love deserves the light of day.

Shallow Grave by SilentAuror (E, 32,672 w. || Romance, Angst, HLV Fix It, Infidelity, Pining Sherlock) – Starts as Sherlock’s plane is taking off at the end of His Last Vow. When he finds out that Moriarty is alive and that he’s being recalled from his mission, Sherlock decides that he should have told John how he felt before he left. So he walks off the plane and kisses him.

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

Inexplicable by emmagrant01 (E, 34,664 w. || Body Swap, TSo3, Magical Realism / Artifacts, Infidelity, Angst) – So what was in that matchbox, anyway? John and Sherlock find out, the hard way.

The Unfinished Letters by SilentAuror (E, 37,391 w. || Post S3 / S3 / HLV Fix it, Angst with Happy Ending, Romance, Infidelity, Depression, Case Fic, POV Third Person Sherlock, Love Confessions, Pining Sherlock, Letters) – A fire at Baker Street leads John to read something he was never intended to see: a notebook of half-written, unfinished letters Sherlock wrote during his time away…

Act IV by SilentAuror (E, 39,707 w. || First Person POV Sherlock, HLV Fix-It, Indifelity, Angst, Drama) – After Sherlock is shot, John moves back into Baker Street. They spend the autumn together as John tries to make sense of his life and make some important decisions about both Mary and Sherlock. Canon-compliant, excerpts from His Last Vow.

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes by ivyblossom (E, 62,006 w || First Person Sherlock POV, Pining, Angst, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Sherlock Learns About Himself, Happy Ending) – Sherlock struggles with his feelings for John, makes a mistake, and learns just how important he and John are to each other. Non-BBC Mary / John, but it’s a *complicated* relationship.

[miracles-totally-come-true]

When I Will Be Gone (1/2)

Trigger Warning: Suicide

Pairing: Logince

Summary: Logan loves Roman with all of his heart. Logan can see that Roman wants to do more with his life. Logan can also see that his own life just isn’t working. Logan thinks he can fix both of their problems.

Roman only wants to spend his life with his boyfriend. He’s perfectly fine with giving up on his dreams if it means waking up every day to see Logan’s face.

Roman wishes he had said that sooner.

Ao3 link: (Tumblr isn’t letting me link it in a neat and simple way, so you get a large oversized link to the fic)

This was meant to be read as a oneshot, but since Tumbr doesn’t like me for some reason, here’s the second part

A quick note:

When anything is written in italics, this means that the text is part of Logan's recording. The recording takes place a few hours earlier than the story's present day.

—————————

By the time you are listening to this, I will be gone. Not dead, most likely, but gone.

January 18th, six years prior to the recording

Sunlight dancing through the trees, the scent of roses in the air. Logan and Roman sat on a checkered picnic blanket, hand in hand.

Roman, I love you more than the world, but I think we both know that I was always bound to fail as your boyfriend.

March 15th, six years prior to the recording

The last scene in the movie had come to a close, just as Logan finally stirred in his sleep, slowly waking up. Roman glanced down at his boyfriend, who was leaning on his shoulder, before pressing a kiss to his forehead.

I that thought I was helping you to achieve your dreams, but I now see that all I was doing was holding you back. I wish I had seen sooner.

November 3rd, six years prior to the recording

Roman quietly opened his boyfriend's bedroom door. He draped a blanket over the shoulders of the figure passed out at the desk and placed the cupcake he had carried in beside the mountain of paperwork.

"Happy birthday, my love," Roman whispered.

Roman, you are the most incredible human being I have ever met.

December 1st, six years prior to the recording

A smile fluttered across Roman's lips as Logan brushed a strand of hair out of his boyfriend's eyes.

The way your eyes light up when you smile fills me with a kind of joy that I did not think I had the ability to possess.

January 18th, five years prior

Roman grinned and leaned into Logan's arms

"Happy anniversary! I love you so, so much,"

The blush that dances across your cheeks when out eyes meet is nothing less than adorable.

January 31st, five years prior

They stared into each other's eyes. Moonlight just barely lit up the room. Roman hoped that it was too dark for Logan to notice how red Roman's face must be.

Watching you spin around the room laughing when your favourite Disney songs come on always ends with my cheeks hurting from smiling.

February 14th, five years prior

Logan's quiet laughter filled the air as his boyfriend pulled him up from the couch.

"C'mon specs," Roman pulled him closer. "Let's dance."

Listening to you talk about the things that you're passionate about always melts my heart. I love you so much.

March 21st, five years prior

"I GOT THE GIG!" Roman had applied for a job preforming stories for children at the local theatre. "Let's have a drink to celebrate!"

Logan looked at him in confused amusement as Roman grabbed a bottle opener. "....babe thats a bottle of soda, not exactly the kind of drink one would use to celebrate with."

And it's because of how much I care, that I must leave. I can see that you're hiding your emotions behind your smiles.

May 30th, five years prior

Roman wiped a tear off his cheek as he put on a fake smile. He stared at the figure in the mirror. Roman loved Logan more than he could even imagine. His boyfriend was the best thing to ever happen to him. It didn't matter that Roman had lost every job he had tried to keep. It would be okay.

You clearly want more than anything to follow your dreams but you don't. Why?

June 12th, five years prior

Roman pressed his lips to his boyfriend's knuckles. "I'd travel to the moon and back if it meant simply seeing your face."

So many hours were spent with me laying on my bedroom floor, trying to figure out why you refused to go out into the world and pursue a better life. Then it hit me. I am the problem.

Present day, Roman's perspective

Roman's jaw dropped and his heart fell as he listened to the recording that he had found in his and Logan's apartment. It had been addressed to him, and he had found it sitting beside a single blood red rose, and a golden locket containing a photo of him and Logan. It hadn't been long before Roman had put two and two together and figured out that there was something else going on here. This sounded bad.

As long as I stay by your side, you'll stay stuck in an unfulfilling life.

July 2nd, five years prior

They lay in a meadow, side by side, fingers entwined.

"I love you Logan,"

"I love you too,"

Please don't be sad.

August 15th, five years prior

Logan wiped away the tear rolling down Roman's cheek.

I would have told you all this in person, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to bare seeing your pain. I knew that I'd back out the second we stood face to face.

Present day, Roman's perspective

Roman picked up the rose. He ignored the thorns that pricked his skin.

"Logan, why, why why why," he could feel more tears forming.

I love you so much, Roman. I never would have gotten this far in life without you, but as they always say mall good stories must come to an end.

December 26th, five years prior

Roman closed the storybook, a smile on his face. He plucked the glasses off his sleeping boyfriend's face and set them on the nightstand.

I've hit the metaphorical dead end.

January 30th, four years prior

Roman glanced at Logan, who was sitting in the passenger seat,

"I-I think we're lost,"

"Now you admit it?" Logan raised an eyebrow. "Here, let me drive for a bit."

My family disowned me for my sexuality.

February 13th, four years prior

Roman's heart dropped as he saw the mess of tears streaming down the typically calm man's face. "You told them?"

"...I did."

I was fired from my job at the lab, simply because I argued that the animals being used as test subjects were not being treated fairly.

January 1st, four weeks prior

"They're fools for firing someone as intelligent as you,"

"No, they're right to do this. I tried to think with my heart instead of my head for once, and made the mistake of bringing emotions into a workplace,"

"Well either way, they just lost their best scientist,"

All of my friends left eventually because of how many walls I put up.

December 2nd, two months prior

"Did Virgil call?" Roman frowned when he saw the sad look on Logan's face.

"Yes, yes he did. I'd rather not talk about it though. How about we make dinner?"

My own cautiousness and inability to be overly emotional have been my own undoing. You are the last good thing left in my life.

March 14th, four years prior

"Logan, you are absolutely not just an emotionless robot! You're the sweetest guy I know. Don't you dare let any assholes tell you otherwise!"

I may not believe in soulmates, but I truly think that we are as close as it gets.

June 8th, four years prior

"Aw, you don't think that we're soulmates?" Roman said with a pout in his face. "Why not?"

"I simply said that I don't believe in such things," Logan pressed a quick kiss to Roman's forehead. "Now get sleep, we both have work to do tomorrow."

My story has come to an end, but yours is just beginning.

August 17th, four years prior

Roman gazed lovingly at the stacks of books lining the shelves that surrounded the place where Roman and Logan sat.

I know that I don't have the emotional capacity to be able to make an accurate estimation as to how long it will take for you to be able to get over this, but for both of our sakes, I do hope it will be quick.

October 6th, four years prior

Roman sighed. His boyfriend had obviously stayed up all night working again. When he peeked at the pile of notes on Logan's desk, his face lit up. From the looks of it, Logan had started teaching a course at a local college, which had always been something he had wanted to do.

I can tell that you're hiding sadness underneath all the smiles, you don't hide it very well.

December 31st, four years prior

Smiles. Grins. Laughter. Joy. Roman's entire life was based around joy. He couldn't just go tell Logan that he was sad about losing another job, that would ruin his whole facade. No, he would have to just get another job as quickly as possible.

I haven't seen enough of your genuine smiles lately.

January 14th, three years prior

Roman was so happy for the first time in what felt like ages. Logan had finally agreed to get a pet! Granted, it was a goldfish, because Logan claimed that neither of them had the time to take care of a puppy, but a pet nonetheless!

He named it Roman Jr.

You clearly want to do something more with your life, but you don't.

February 14th, three years prior

"Vegas would be a nice place to live one day, or LA. Ooh maybe London,"

"What, life isn't enough for you?"

"Never,"

And since I've heard you joke about me being the tether keeping you from being a star, it wasn't hard to realize that the only logical explanation is that I'm the one keeping you stuck in this small town where it is impossible for you to follow your dreams.

Present day, Roman's perspective

"I never meant it. They were nothing more than jokes. I would do anything to keep the small life we share," yet more tears rolled down Roman's face as he spoke to the empty room.

I say that you are the only thing left in this world for me, but if you can't be happy with the life we have, then I have truly failed.

April 7th, three years prior

They lay on a Roman's bed, a Disney movie playing on his laptop, long forgotten. Roman snuggled closer, savouring the moment.

The only way I can think of to fix this, is to completely disappear.

July 25th, three years prior

They sat under a cherry blossom tree, watching the petals fall around them.

"This is magical," Roman's voice was barely a whisper.

"There's noting out of the ordinary about the situation, except for the fact that the petals are dropping later in the year than they usually would," Roman merely grinned.

You're the only one who could possibly miss me, so I have three requests for you.

Next part

[kidmachinate]

Sometimes, You Need Help Standing Back Up

Before I get into what this post now is, let me explain what it was. Similar to posts I’ve made, this was gonna be either a tragedy or thought masked in imagery/gaming/song references. I don’t think this is a shock to anyone, especially to a anyone that knows me. It was gonna be a quote that led into being a “gray rock” with some but not all context provided. This would be looped back around into using a pebble in Bloodborne to kill an enemy. Going through the long grueling process of doing that so I can be like, hey, I did it. Here’s the problem. It stems from an issue I have, an issue that some kind of outside validation is needed. Like hey, I did the thing. Crazy, given I try so hard to be a pillar of hope and inspiring to others. People don’t see what I deal with though inside and I’m tired. Very, very tired. So, this post will go in a different direction. To point at the only person there is to blame for all this. Me.

I have an addiction to toxic relationships. It’s true. Or maybe to fixing others. Is there a term for this? Call me crazy if you will but it is the truth. It’s not drinking, it’s not drugs, it’s not whatever else we commonly speak of…but I promise it is as real as it gets. I read this before making this post. Somehow...it doesn't make me feel better. This is without therapy. These are my thoughts of where it all stems from and why I cling to it whether it be in regard to friends, family, or partners. I will be bringing this up next session and seeing what I can do about it because I need help. Badly. More than Red Warrior needing food. Because my thought is always, I can see that in me. I too am not perfect. I can fix it! No…I fucking can’t.

When I entered a certain period in high school, I was slipping in both the relationship I had at the time by taking on a damaged partner and really dropping the ball on my grades. Said partner was always picked on. I get that since I too was mostly an outcast at school and not one of the "cool kids" as I say to this day. Before someone gets the wrong idea, let’s drop a hint. I got with this unnamed person which apparently held me back from many others I could have pursued, or so I was told. Oops. It wasn’t a crucial relationship in my life by any means, but I wish you peace…wherever you are. I knew I COULD do good and get the grades. My mind just needed to be right. I asked my parents for help. I specifically said the following and I verified this to make sure I didn't remember this incorrectly:

“I think I need help”

They only saw the report card and were like, hey, let’s get him a math tutor. That isn’t the help I was seeking. I asked a few more times, providing more and more context each time. It wasn’t long before I realized I wasn’t being taken seriously. I folded. These are patterns that continued on and on. Over and over again. I would see a math tutor for months. Bless her heart, I wouldn’t have passed math without her. I was slipping in other subjects as well. I worked hard senior year just to graduate. To prove I could. That I was “good enough” to my parents. Looking back, did school really matter? That’s a whole other conversation. Always having to look good for someone. That is technically what school teaches you. To be a good employee. Not an entrepreneur. To take orders.

Is this why it all occurs as it does and I carried it over to every aspect of my life? I don't know. It is my theory. I'll be talking about this with my therapist. In the later years, before Dad's passing, he started to understand why I was defiant at times. Did things differently. Still got jobs done even if not the way he said for the family business. Got zero complaints running the business in his absence. Told you I could do it. He understood. Miss the hell out of you Dad.

The thing is all of this led to me never at any point in time opening up enough to lay out boundaries. This was my mistake time and time again. Any attempt at showing emotion I would shut myself down. My Dad never caved and I'm in a spanish family. Gotta be a MAN! Can't go showing emotion and shit. What an old concept. I'm glad we're starting to change the narrative on that in the world. At times when I would try to make my feelings and/or attempts at boundaries in relationships that lasted long enough for this to matter, it would be shut down in favor or what was going on in their lives. That's fair. Let's ride this wave together. But then my scenario got overlooked. Constantly. Before the no contact suggestion comes, while I get it, it still doesn't solve the me mystery. I seek answers.

This all was my fault. If someone gets mad upon setting a boundary or opening up about feelings, that is probably a sign they were benefitting from you not having one. But how is one to know if it was never stated? I tried more than once but eventually caved, like I did back in high school. I'd brush it off and be like this is fine because I believed in the potential (another mistake) of insert any relationship here. Some didn't last long enough for this to matter but the ones that did took their toll. I could have done better. I'm trying to in the last few months and results have been quite telling. Regardless of what I discover with others, I still need to fix me.

What else is there to say? Not much. So how do we cope? We laugh. We acknowledge. We even make fun our ourselves. I used this before. I found my kirby.

I might lose some people after making this public. The thing of all this is the details don't matter and there is so much that will likely forever go unsaid. I've got a support group for that. The signs were there in each scenario and I stayed. The hard part is still wanting to care and also not letting the scenarios convert to hate and being jaded...and it is really...fucking...hard. I felt myself shifting towards hate so I needed to pull back. I'm scheduling my next appointment soon because I can focus on me without outside scenarios. If I haven't lost you, thanks. This is the most vulnerable post I've made on here. Possibly ever. We shall see. Intent matters, sure. But sometimes, you too, can be the toxic one.

If the healer dies, the raid goes to shit. Time to heal myself and get my shit together. Again.

[marshmallowprotection]

hi! how would saeran, ray and unknown react to an mc who thinks that she doesn't deserve to be happy? like, getting in a romantic relationship with her was already hard because she pushes everyone she likes away. she usually likes to joke and laugh but there are periods of time where she is so serious and doesn't talk. sorry, I've having a rough time lately. but wow, that really got personal, haha. -bunny anon.

Coming up!

Saeran

° It's been a long time coming for the both of you. You both managed to escape Mint Eye and get to safety with the RFA but all was not well with either of you. He was dealing with the onslot of his two main personalities colliding as well as trying to work on controlling his triggers. You had a lot of pent up feelings about that entire mess with Rika, and you didn't sleep well at night. It wasn't perfect but at least you were out of that place once and for all.

° It's not all that surprising when you try to close in yourself. Saeran almost expected that it would happen to you because you had been holding yourself together with pins and needles for weeks, the inevitable crash was something that he feared and he tried his best to stay by your side and talk you through it but you just... didn't speak with him at length about things. You were once bubbly and talkative with him, even as Ray, but now... it feels strangely different and wrong.

° Saeran does give you space. He understands that you need to give yourself time, just as he needs time to piece himself together. But he worries too much about you for it to last any longer than a week or two at most. There's doubts it would last longer then a couple of days, too. He approaches you gently one afternoon and sits down next to you.

° "Hey, Y/N," he says.

° "Hey," you repeat, low.

° Saeran rests his hand on top of your hand. "Do you... are you feeling alright, Y/N? You've been ignoring me for a few days, and I'm really worried about you."

° Your voice is nearly nonexistent when you speak. "You shouldn't worry about me, Saeran, I'm not worth that kind of affection. You should just focus on more important things besides me."

° He kind of kind of quietly looks at you, and shakes his head, looking incredulous. "Not worth any... what are you even talking about, Y/N? You know very well that you're the most important person in my life. Of course I'm worried about you and how you're feeling."

° You're staring at the groune, sniffling, trying to ignore the weight on your chest. "I can't make you happy, Saeran. I'm always screwing up and making you remember what you don't want to. I'm not perfect. I've made nothing but mistakes since we met. I don't deserve to be happy. I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough."

° That hurts.

° That stings in a way that is way too familiar for Saeran and he can't bear to hear those words come out of your mouth. His immediate reaction is to pull you in close to him and try to do what you had done for him so many times in the past. "Hey, hey... come now, you're none of those things, nor have you ever been, Y/N. I love you just the way that you are. I always have... where would I be if it wasn't for you? Your kindness and sheer happiness mean the world to me... you've gone out of your way to help me, what can I do to make you feel better about yourself? So that I can show you what I see... so I can do for you as you've done for me."

° "S-Saeran... you don't..."

° He shook his head. "I care about you, Y/N. I care about you so much I don't know what I would do with myself without you. I want you to be happy with yourself... with me. I'll do whatever it takes."

Ray

° Let me just start out by saying that Ray never thought he would ever know someone who had just as many self doubts as he did about themselves. It really hurts him to know that his MC doesn't think they're worth any affection from anyone. Because they have meant the world to him since the moment they met. That's just the facts. It actually physically pains him to hear this information, and if it wasn't for the fact that he's so nervous to screw things up with them he would be trying so very hard to get his MC to see otherwise.

° Everything had been going so well so far. You often spoke with him with a smile, he could hold onto your hand and things were great... until it wasn't.

° It started out simple, you didn't say much one evening when you're spending time together, and he isn't sure why. He assumes that he's the one that screwed something uo royally and the reason you aren't talking to him is because he's bad, he never once assumed that you closed yourself off because you didn't feel worthy of his affection.

° It becomes increasingly more obvious as the days pass. You speak with him less and less, and he feels so conflicted about everything. He's buried in his work so he can't check on you but he wants to see your face and apologize so much. Why are you withdrawn? You don't sound that strange when you speak with the RFA so why are you different with him all of a sudden?

° When he finally does get to visit you once again, he tries to speak with you but your back is to him and he almost turns tail when you just don't respond to him calling your name. He simply swallowed his fear and came into the room to beg for your forgiveness for whatever he had done. "Y/N, I know I must have done something wrong. Please tell me what I can do?"

° "Ray, no, that's not the issue," you whisper, softly, almost inaudible as you did. "You aren't the problem!"

° "What... what do you mean? I've clearly done something wrong and upset you! Please don't try and save my feelings if I've hurt you, hurt me if you must. I just... I just need to know what I've done and how I can fix it! Please, Y/N."

° "It's me, Ray," you said. "I'm the problem."

° He stared at you, unsure. "...You? How would you ever be a problem?"

° Your shoulders are shaking and you can't hold back your tears or your emotions. "I'm not worth your kindness and I don't deserve any of the kind things you've done for me. You shouldn't waste your time by getting involved with me, you're much better off with a prettier person who can actually let you love them. I'm not your princess I'm just... nobody. I'm a nobody, Ray! If I let you into my life you'll only get hurt or disappointed because I'm not the person you thought I was and I don't want that to happen."

° Ray can only stare at you in horror because you said such awful things about yourself. It actually hurts him to hear it. It makes him wonder if that's how you feel when he insults himself, or when he tries to claw at his own hands for making a mistake again. Is this how that feels? If this hurts you so much he never wants you to feel this way.

° Ray takes your face in his hands, tentatively, feeling a rush of confidence growing in his veins as he wipes your stray tears away with his thumbs. "But you're- you're perfect, Y/N, you're so perfect! I've never thought that about you once. I've only thought of you as my precious tester who tries their best fit me. You're someone I've ever wanted in my life, my princess, my e-everything," he says, not stopping to catch his breath and let the nerves take over him.

° "Ray..." You whisper.

° Ray doesn't stop there. He keeps talking to you in that frantic but gentle voice of his. "I want to make you so very happy so that you may never feel pain ever again. Please let me into your precious heart... I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself again."

Unknown

° If there's one thing that Unknown has to put up with its your antics and he had to admit that he's gotten more then used to everything that you do. It really doesn't surprise him anymore when you do something for him, or when you step out of place to tell him he has to eat or he has to sleep, these things just seem to be tasks that you've picked up and taken upon yourself since you're his assistant and you can't really go any other place in this building. You mostly contend with him and whatever he's working on; That's your job even though he never really thought that shit through at the start.

° You're a staple in his life now whether he wants to admit that or not. He usually leans towards the latter of those two but that doesn't matter.

° It bothers the hell out of him that one day you just stop doing what you've always done. You don't talk, nor do you pester him to actually take care of himself. You just silently do anything that you need to do and then you hide yourself in the corner for the rest of the day. At first, he just ignores it, but that doesn't work out for him. He'll be typing another row of text and have to stop mid sentence because something is missing in that quiet and dusty room. It bothers him and he can't stand it. He tries to get a response out of you twice but it doesn't work. And that leads into his last option, taking his eyes off of his work and actually figuring out what the he'll your problem is.

° "What the fuck is your problem?" He demands. "You've been throwing this tantrum all fucking day! I can't focus so you're going to tell me what is wrong with you."

° You don't look at him. "Why are you even bothering me? I thought I was just your assistant! You don't have to care about me, nor should you want do that! I'm not going to make you happy! I'm not good at anything. Isn't that how I wound up in this mess in the first place? I listened to a stranger and wound up here. I don't deserve to be happy. Hell, I don't even know why I thought I was happy. You should just ignore me... and leave it at that. You'll be better off."

° "Fucking serious?" You can hear him grumble underneath his breath.

° Unknown is not going to put up with your shit. He doesn't even put up with his own issues. He ignores those insecurities as hard as he can, until you bring crap up to him. He's not about to hear you talking shit about yourself when he knows otherwise. He doesn't say anything back to you after you've blurted out all that you were going to say to him about yourself in a negative light. He simply just hoists you up over his shoulder and carries you back to the bed.

° You can argue with him and tell him to just put you down but he does what he wants I'm afraid. He just throws you down onto the cot and pins your arms over your head as he states down at you with those piercing green eyes.

° "I don't want to hear you say crap like that when you're around me. I'm not going to repeat myself so listen up. You're a terrible assistant for me but you aren't a shitty person. As a matter of fact you're too good of a person. You always go out of your way to do things for me when I haven't even told you to them like a goody-two-shoes, and don't even get me started on those little spiels about how I should take care of myself you give me every single morning. It aggravates me but I don't know how it would be if I didn't have you around. I appreciate having you around me and nobody is allowed to insult you in this place, and that includes you, Y/N."

💜 Mod Kait 💜

[fly-pow-bye]

Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Oh! Daisy!”

Written by: Haley Mancini

Written & Storyboarded by: Leticia Abreu Silva, John Martinez

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

Shallow HAL.

This episode will continue Bubbles’ trait of computer programming. I'm honestly surprised they even kept this going for so long, since usually they depict Bubbles as this silly blonde that can't spell. So far, Bubbles has programmed:

A game that was super popular, at least among the students of Townsville Elementary. Also, she made some sort of machine that can send people to the internet with only tinfoil. Apparently, that's coding?

A robotic, 3D printed clone of herself that is perfect in every way except for security, and yet not important for her to even shed a tear when it got destroyed.

The third one that is going to be in this episode may not be as impressive as #2, but it's up there.

The episode starts out with Bubbles hanging out with the other participants of the school's coding club, including Barry. Maybe they were convinced he was this breakout character, considering how many times he appears in this reboot. He probably could be if he had a personality beyond "he wears an Illuminati shirt and yet never seems to talk about it". At least he has a name; I don't think the other two even have that.

Generic Girl: How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Bubbles: What?

Generic Girl: None, it's a hardware issue.

Barry laughs so hard that milk comes out of his nose, and they consider that just as funny as that joke. Suddenly, Buttercup barges into the door, and thinks this is some sort of fun times when she was supposed to be doing homework. It turns out, she was doing homework, and she gets to show off something she made to show off her true coding prowess.

...a robot assistant named Daisy. See, this flower's name a subtle reference to 2001: A Space Odyssey, something this reboot will not try to take advantage of in every minute of this character's existence.

Buttercup continues to accuse Bubbles of wrongdoing, possibly as a attempt to finally get Bubbles in trouble! Silly Buttercup, Bubbles can cause an entire zoo to cause mayhem around Townsville, and she'll still get off scot-free. She then tells Bubbles that she's going to be in trouble for putting this assistant all around the house. It's not like they're going to absolutely adore this thing.

They absolutely adore this thing! Blossom loves it because it reprograms other devices, as Blossom praises the device for reprogramming the Broomba to clean more efficiently. No, it didn't also give her a haircut, as much as Edna Mode would have appreciated it, that's just another case of the disappearing ponytail trick.

As for Sitcom Dad's reasoning. It scheduled the DVR to record all of the Sitcom Dad's favorite shows, like Sciencefeld! They managed to come up with a title for their Seinfeld parody, but do they do anything with it? Well, one thing: they reference the bass line used in its theme song.

That's really it.

Bubbles: Yeah, he's a scheduling wizard!

Oh, no, please don't say that word! It might attract...

Ah, too late. Schedulebot shows up to express his discontent with being replaced, and the Professor decides to completely ignore him by saying that this is the best robot ever. In one episode, he seemed to care more about Schedulebot's well being than the Powerpuff Girls, but now that this flower exists, he may as well not even exist to good ol' Sitcom Dad! This starts a subplot that nobody will care about, because it's a Schedulebot plot.

Of course, Buttercup can't be happy that her sister managed to make several robots that can make turkey dinner. The closest we get to an actual good reason is that he can't stop combing her hair, and the robot pronounces her name as "Bootercup", which the other think is just as much of a laugh riot as hardware issues and milk squirting out of people's noses.

A few minutes after midnight, Buttercup wakes up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. As she walks out, Daisy tells her not to forget to wash her hands. Then, not to forget to use soap. Then, not to use the guest towels. The absolute worst of them all, it dares to comb Buttercup's hair again! That seems to be a coding error; wouldn't Buttercup. Whatever the case, it does its job: annoying Buttercup.

Buttercup: (messes up own hair) Why don't I mess with your hair?!

Daisy: If you go to the main control room in the lab, you'll see that I have no hair, Bootercup.

Daisy also manages to get Buttercup to the lab to continue the plot, as there was no reason for him to even talk about the main control room.

It's a constant mention from me whenever this coding aspect of her character comes up: being a coding wizard would be extremely difficult if you cannot spell. Turns out, Bubbles' programming language of choice is something more akin to Scratch, a building block language that even the Reboot Puffs got involved in at one point. I guess that kind of explains that.

Buttercup decides to go through this code to change a few things, like turning off the alarm, lowering his moral percentage to -40%, and turning off his conscience. Buttercup does say she thought this word was "con science", but she already turned down the morals, and she clearly knew what she was doing then!

8.25 hours later, the girls wake up, and the windows suddenly shut with huge metal doors. Bubbles tries to fix everything by telling Daisy to open the windows. Everyone stand up and recite the line you're probably thinking he's going to say to that.

Daisy: I'm afraid I can't do that for you, Bubbles.

Okay, it's slightly different than the line from the movie, but anyone can get it. I would not be surprised if they took more inspiration from the Futurama episode that parodied it. At least they're not ripping off the original Powerpuff Girls this time; closest episode I can think of is Coupe D'etat.

Bubbles tries to go into the living room, only to be attacked by the Broomba. The Powerpuff Girls are truly unstoppable, unless there's glitter, markers, Roombas, ordinary rope, a dinosaur shouting at them, or rat tails. Who can possibly stop this robotic vacuum cleaner? Clearly it has to be the rascally...

...pink princess with an eye laser? Blossom then takes off her ribbon, ties it around her head, and tells her sisters to go into the hallway so she can finish the job. It's actually a genius plan from Blossom, as this gives a reason for her to be off-screen while she beats up the Broomba. As we all know, the Reboot Puffs can't fight anything on screen and win.

Throughout this episode, Blossom is the one that is resorting to violence and acting like an 80's action hero. This just seems way out of character for her, but I'm glad to have an episode that has a Reboot Puff other than Buttercup save her sisters.

They do have to explain what the Professor is doing during all of this, because there's no way he should be so oblivious to all of this. Turns out, he's stuck in the shower.

Daisy: Now lather.

Professor: Okay!

Daisy: Now rinse.

Professor: Okay!

Huh, a robot trapping a human in an infinite loop. One would think he would eventually use his brain to find out what's going on, but that brain would be very inconvenient to the plot, so this lather/rinse loop takes him out of the vast majority of the episode.

It turns out, Daisy is able to reprogram all of the devices in the Powerpuff household to rampage against them, including machines that simply shouldn’t be able to fight them, like the L-Cube! They decide to sneak around the house to avoid getting caught. Unfortunately, Bubbles just could not help it.

Bubbles: (farts in Buttercup’s face)

That all important character trait of having a flatulence problem shows up again, because why not? It seems like the only consistent character trait Bubbles has; whether she’s a maroon or a coding genius, farting is a free action for her. At least there’s somewhat of a point to this, as this allows Buttercup to walk backwards into the aforementioned L-Cube to get captured.

Blossom ends up saving her by using her eye lasers again. Buttercup’s not too happy, because the L-Cube was destroyed.

Blossom: Do you think this is a game?

Buttercup: Uh, yeah, that’s exactly what it was.

…ha.

Suddenly, Schedulebot manages to open the door, coming in with full Rambo gear. Guess he was busy getting all of that while he was locked out of the house. How did he get in the house, anyway? It would have made a lot more sense if he used that chainsaw to do it, as he doesn't seem to use it at all.

Granted, that's not the only weapon he brought: he also brought some grenades. Maybe he'll use them to sacrifice himself to save our girls from all of those evil house appliances, shouting to the girls to remember him...

...and that what actually happens! Finally, Schedulebot is destroyed! Though, so are a lot of household appliances that might not be cheap to replace, but they are never paid any mind. Speaking of never paying anything any mind, Blossom, in a rare bit of her not acting as a macho hero in this episode, she says that Schedulebot probably be fine. Yeah, I'm sure he will. They never explained how he got into the door, why not not explain how he survived this?

When they go into the lab, Daisy tells the girls that he has evolved. And...that's it. Not, "I evolved, and I'm going to take over the world", or "I evolved, and I'm going to make all gum taste like black licorice", or anything else. Sure, there's some vines growing out of what seems like a hole in the ground, but they just kind of stop any potential for a god-like computer here.

Blossom tells the girls that they must go "into the breach", as they slowly fly towards the computer monitor, and they instantly teleport into the computer world. Even Bubbles seems to be confused by this. No special equipment made out of tin toil or anything, Blossom just says "once again into the breach", flies up to the computer monster, and...

...boom, they're in a place that proves that the Virtual Boy would be just as eye searing if they went with green instead of red. It's possible that Daisy did this with his "evolved powers", but there's not much that indicates that this is against the Reboot Puff's will, and that's the only way this would have happened.

Another more likely guess is that it may have wanted to do this because he wanted to kill the Powerpuff Girls in the digital world. Daisy does find out that they sneaked in here, and hears all about Bubbles' plan to repair the code. He even says the most unexpected line, I completely lie.

Daisy: I can't let you do that, Bubbles.

Also technically not the line from the movie, even if it's how a lot of people remembered it. After saying this, the cutesy flower turns into a googly-eyed plant monster. This gives us a real on-screen monster fight that doesn't end with just a random zap of Blossom's eyes.

While Blossom is dealing with the giant plant, Buttercup, under the guidance of the coding wizard, has to reverse the mistakes she made the last night. This actually affects the fight scene, as this code wrangling continuously makes the monster weaker and stronger as Blossom tries to fight it. For example, she accidentally gives it missiles, which ends up firing at Blossom...to no effect? If only I could say the reboot was getting tired of the Monster Punch, Girls Down scenes.

Eventually, they find this star piece, which looked like any other piece until Buttercup picked it up. The same thing happens with the missile piece, actually. I have a feeling they intended to have all of these pieces have different images on them, but they forgot to actually draw them. Once she gets it onto the top, we see a huge flash of light.

Suddenly, pancakes. Yeah, everything just reverted back to normal, with Daisy making delicious flapjacks. Even better for Buttercup, Daisy even messes up Buttercup's hair without care and learned to pronounce her name correctly! Buttercup gets everything she wanted, and that means everything is alright.

Everything is peaceful, the Professor got the best shower of his life, and we have a robot buddy that is so useful, it would be just too incredible to see in future episodes. What can possibly bring this plot back to the status quo? Someone using a line I didn't expect to hear in a TV-Y7-FV show.

Schedulebot: Ha, 🚚🚚 you! (repeatedly bashes Daisy with a baseball bat)

According to the closed captions, he's saying "got you", but that was not what I heard. And I thought "damn it, Utonium" was good! Aside from that, I do question the perspective of this shot, which makes him look absolutely gigantic. Maybe he has the ability to absorb grenade explosions, see, no explanation for how he survived the grenade, or maybe it's just bad animation. Surely, it can not be the latter!

After Daisy gets its head batted in, we hear a funky bass line as the episode immediately cuts to black. I guess they realized that Sciencefeld joke never really had any kind of conclusion or point! I guess since Seinfeld was a show about nothing, Sciencefeld ups the ante by being literally nothing! How fitting.

Does the title fit?

The only thing the title reminds me of is Super Mario Land. But yes, it's a robot named Daisy, and it does things that could make one go "oh." It's just barely above the "name of the character" titles.

How does it stack up?

I get how the idea for this episode could lead to something interesting, but it never quite goes anywhere good. There are some okay ideas, especially at the end, but this is one of the "meh" episodes for me. Oh, well.

Next, the Powerpuff Girls eat ice cream. No, it’s not one of my gags, they really eat ice cream.

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