#every day I become gayer

[anyataylorjoys]

You see, sometimes I’m good. Oh, I’m very good. But sometimes I’m bad. But only as bad as I want to be. Freedom is power. To live a life untamed, and unafraid is the gift I’ve been given.

HALLE BERRY as CATWOMAN (2004) ↪︎ @lgbtqcreators creator bingo - POC rep

[goldenpinof]

I don't know why... but from the things that they have been posting since the beginning of the year, I feel that they are becoming softer and more open about showing their relationship. The phude, the shoe pics, the hair video, and even Phil's "dinner together" album with Dan's lingerie pic. They feel so domestic yet intimate. I wonder what makes them change their mind. Is it because they decided to show us the Phouse at some point this year, and it's inevitable to somewhat expose their relationship?

All I want to say is nothing happened this year is on my bingo card, and I am loving every bit of it:)

"expose their relationship" as if there's anything left to expose :)

i think it has a lot to do with a couple of things:

- Dan going on tour and seeing how gay and accepting of him being gay we are irl (ii all over again but older and gayer);

- dnp deciding to revive dnp brand at some point. and it all started after Dan came back from Australia/NZ (say thank you to Katie @cardsagainstdnp for pointing that shift out). why the decision was made? who knows. again, the tour played a huge role in their future plans imo.

- yes, a possible forever home tour. but i think it's just a continuation of them being more open and stop lying (partially, because it doesn't work 100% anyway. partially, because they are probably so proud of what they've done design-wise, they just wanna brag about it).

- their audience grew up and stopped being problematically annoying. no matter what they do, it doesn't create a mayhem anymore. we do discuss exciting things and news but within a day or two we calm down. and we stopped bothering them directly with stupid assumptions and questions? dnp don't make headlines, and if they accidentally do it's not because of us, and we actually don't like when some magazines make weird-ass articles about them. we are on dnp's side, gay or not, if you know what i mean. and i think they are aware of it by now.

there's probably something else, but what do i know <3

[shin-meddlesome-hero]

Some notes on Char’s Counterattack while it’s still fresh in my brain and right before I watch video-essays about how I didn’t understand the movie. (With spoilers)

For starters, it was as gay as promised. I’ve seen the Charmuro scuffle scene like a million times and it turned out to actually be gayer in context. For me, this is the aftermath of a very bitter and harsh divorce. The thing is already unsalvageable. They still try to talk it out every time they’re near each other, but Amuro is about to give up on Char completely (if he hasn’t, already). He even tells Lalah that he doesn’t want to be with that guy for all eternity as newtype ghosts, that’s how done he’s with Char.

As with Char, it feels that we needed another anime season or at least a couple of OVA’s to explain how he got there. I know that it had something to do with how disillusioned he was by the events at the end of Zeta, but the movie feels like it needed to give more context about him. It’s very clear that his ideals take a back seat in favor of his real motivations. He just wants to get back at the universe. Would trowing a meteor and freezing Earth actually help Earth’s restoration and humanity’s evolution? Did he stop to think that by doing such thing he’ll get Sayla and Kamille killed? Or was he too far gone to care about anyone that isn’t Lalah and maybe Amuro?

This may be unintentional but it’s amusing that the first part of Quess Paraya’s arc looks like a teen girl’s power fantasy: she meets Amuro, she gets adopted by Char, she happens to be the most special Newtype who becomes an ace pilot in a few days, there’s two boys after her, Char entrusts her to act on special missions and she even gets to kill her lousy dad. Under this framework it makes sense that she acts so selfishly all the time. Of course this later takes a dark turn when she starts feeling all the horrors of war and eventually gets killed by one of the older women she antagonized. Despite her not being a nice person at all, she was only a kid who was affected by her family situation and desperately needed a father figure. Amuro was honest enough to realize that he couldn’t fulfill that need (and he didn’t have to), on the other hand, Char admits that he took advantage of her and used her as a machine. He would’ve never done that to Kamille, that’s how low he’s fallen.

Finally, Char’s last words were about how Lalah Sune could’ve been a mother to him, showing that at the end he was unable to get over both his mother’s and Lalah’s death, which is very tragic from a man that most of the time came out as Larger than Life. However, none of this justifies his actions. Char’s Counterattack was the last piece in the puzzle that is Char Aznable, and after watching it, all I can conclude is that he’s kind of a loser, isn’t he?

(Yes, I’m aware that it’s way more complicated than that, there’s still much to say about how he projected on Amuro and the nature of his relationships with other characters of the franchise among other topics like Amuro’s growth and Hathaway’s arc, but these are just preliminary thoughts. I may do a more thoughtful review once I write more about Zeta and ZZ. Also those video essays about how I Don’t Understand Char are still on my to-watch list, my perspective could change after getting through all that).

[quodekash]

OKAY it's now the morning so it's time for me to share all of my thoughts from this episode. prepare yourselves, its gonna be a lot. also a lot of it isnt gonna be very coherent. you have been warned.

tinn calling gun 'darling' over the phone 🥺

photjanee why must you be heteronormative and assume tinn likes a girl

istg pat calling yo 'bro' was the funniest thing ever (maybe i was just tired lmao)

look at this style gay man. this icon. this king. i love him with all my soul.

this man's face is one of the most precious things on this planet

i thought we were ten minutes in and already getting a soundwin moment, but then sound freaking rejected win's offered seat and sits at the front???

poor win is so confused

why was tiw getting in the bus van thing with the pool toy still around his waist

sir what are you doing

WE FINALLY GOT THE FREAKING BEACH SCENES OMG

THEY ALL LOOK SO HAPPY IN THAT GROUP PHOTO (por can you send me that group photo pls?)

YEAAAAAHHH WE FINALLY GOT THE TIWPOR PHOTO TAKING. AND ALONG WITH THAT WE GOT THEY SMILING AND LAUGHING TOGETHER, AND TIW TAKING A PHOTO OF POR WHILE HE POSED AND LOOKED CUTE AND THIS IS NOT STRAIGHT BEHAVIOUR

i deeply appreciate the tiwpor crumbs

i do not, however, appreciate being catfished bY A CUTE SOUNDWIN BEACH MOMENT

yay for cute tinngun beach scene tho

even if it is ruined multiple times by people

THE OISHII ICE TEA IS HERE, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

ITS TIME FOR A CUTE GAY MOMENT

(i cant explain how much i want this ice tea)

(i love ice tea)

why is tinn making out with the ice tea

and then gun made out with the ice tea so that they indirectly kissed and this is not at all what i was expecting from this product placement but honestly i love it

naturally yak had to destroy everyone's hope and happiness and freedom

he is, however, deeply iconic.

tinn: how did my honeymoon turn into a music practice camp? tiw: my situation is worse tiw:

tiw, i love you, but that's not worse.

TIW CHOKING ON HIS DRINK WHEN YAK ASKED THEM IF THEYRE CRUSHING ON HIS JUNIORS AND HE IS IN FACT SECRETLY DATING ONE OF THEM (well, hopefully. maybe. if hes not yet then he will be eventually. he has to be. i need canonical tiwpor in my life)

i understand the cover dancing. but why must you make music kids run and do squats and stuff. music kids dont want to exercise. leave the music kids alone. (i feel personally attacked from this. most of my friends are music kids. i dont want to be hanging out with them and relaxing on the beach and then suddenly forced to *terrified shudder* exercise)

yak telling por and pat and win and yo that theyre lacking something. idk about the others, but i know what win's lacking

he's lacking a boyfriend

i have the not-yet-disproven understanding that por has a magical gift in the art of somehow-becoming-gayer-every-single-time-he-comes-on-screen (ill make this its own individual post one day with evidence and stuff)

TIWPOR CRUMBS WHILE TIW IS TEACHING THEM TO DANCE

SOUND-TINN RIVALRY CRUMBS, YES, THEY BETTER FLIPPING EXPLAIN IT SOON. THEY DONT IN THIS EPISODE. BUT IF THEY DONT EXPLAIN IT BEFORE THE END OF THE SHOW IM GONNA PUNCH SOMEONE

"Dont you want to try a love song?" "Oh, please. A love song?" "i'm just saying. if youre not into it, thats okay." "its not that im not into it. but im more afraid our members wont be into it. look at them. none of them is romantic. none, none at all" "But there are many types of love. let's say puppy love or sweet love, im not into them either. i prefer the tough kind of love *he's smiling and thinking fondly now*" "right. i like that too. in the beginning, we just didnt stop fighting. in the end, i blushed for him without knowing it."

SOUND MAKES A FACE OF REALISATION

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

"Gun." GUN IS CONFUSED. HE LOOKS OVER. HE READS SOUND'S EXPRESSION. "hey!" "you just said… don't tell me…" "wait, no-"

"DID YOU KNOW I LIKE WIN?"

HE ADMITTED IT. HE SAID IT OUT LOUD. AND TO GUN OF ALL PEOPLE. GUN NOW KNOWS. HE KNOWS ABOUT SOUNDWIN.

"HUHH????? YOU LIKE WIN???" "keep it down! people can hear" "you like win?" "i do." "ah! youve been avoiding him lately because of this?" "…yes. when im close to him, i just dont know how to act. when im near him, i feel so freaking awkward." sound, babes, its okay. you're allowed to have feelings

"should i just tell him honestly?" UMM??? YES????? ABSOLUTELY YOU SHOULD, YES PLEASE

gun why are you changing the subject. sound is asking for advice. dont just leave.

TINN ALSO KNOWS NOW

i love the way they were hiding behind a rock and spying on sound omg

side note: tinngun's height difference may kill me one day

sound and gun are sitting on the side watching the dance that the others practiced, and sound cant stop looking up at win he's so whipped i love him

"something im really into?" *proceeds to stare directly at win for a number of seconds*

THOU POOR LITTLE PINING GAY OH HOW I PITY THEE AND WISH TO GIVETH THEE A BIG OL' HUG

3/4 THROUGH THE EPISODE, YK WHAT THAT MEANS? THE SOUNDWIN PART

WIN IS APPROACHING SOUND WHILE SOUND IS WRITING

I REPEAT, WIN IS APPROACHING SOUND WHILE HE'S WRITING, WE GOT A COTE RED, CODE RED EVERYONE

win is asking whats up with sound recently

sound is aggressively avoiding eye contact

"im on mars looking back at earth and can still see you're mad. what are you mad at me about?" sounds thoughts: for being so bloODY HOT WHY MUST YOU BE LIKE THIS

"i said nothing. you should go now. im continuing to write the song" SOUND BBY DONT PUSH HIM AWAY HES ALSO IN LOVE I JUST DONT THINK HES REALISED IT YET

WIN STOLE THE SONG BOOK THING, I REPEAT, WIN STOLE THE SONG BOOK THING

SOUND IS VERY TENTATIVE AND KINDA SCARED

"you said you would write a song about chasing a dream. why did it turn into a sweet love song?" "well- im- exploring different types." suuuuuuuurrreeee. nice cover up story there, sound. subtle. he'll never figure it out.

"...do you feel anything after reading that??" POOR BBY IS DESPERATE HE NEEDS A HUG (i volunteer as tribute to give sound a hug)

win looks down at it. reads it again. looks back up at sound.

"i do"

WE'RE GOING FERAL AT THIS POINT

THEYRE SMILING AT EACH OTHER

WE'RE TEARING OUT HOUSES TO SHREDS

BUT THEN--

"i feel like this doesnt suit you at all"

WIN.

HE WAS TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS.

LIKE THAT FLUTTERY THING YOU GET IN YOUR CHEST EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM?

YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT WIN

I KNOW YOU'VE FELT IT

"it gives me goosebumps" WIN THIS IS SO VAGUE, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?? DO YOU MEAN GOOSEBUMPS WITH A NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE CONNOTATION?? IM NEURODIVERGENT AND SLEEP DEPRIVED I NEED TONE INDICATORS

"give it back. a dumba** like you will never understand" :[[[[

"what a waste of time" excuse me sir. the last time you said that you kissed him. now you're walking away.

(thats probably a thing i can analyse at some point. sound and his usage of 'what a waste of time' and an insight into his thoughts and his character. ill do that at some point)

FREAKING GO AFTER HIM, WIN. BLOODY EXPLAIN YOURSELF

sound is now sitting on the beach. he is sad. that makes us sad.

look at this sad boi, he nEEDS A FREAKING HUG

tinngun are approaching him to provide words of comfort

"i saw everything. its okay. if i were you, id be ticked off too. dam it. you wrote a song for him, and he badmouthed you back." and sound has this tiny sad smile on his face "actually, i wasnt that surprised. even if i told him directly, he wouldve turned me down anyway. you saw it. we're too different." HES TRYING NOT TO CRY DANG IT "it's good we ended it this way" SOUND- PLS- STOP- NO- WIN DIDNT KNOW WHAT YOU WERE SAYING, HE DIDNT REJECT YOU, HE LOVES YOU

"you can put your mind at ease now. no one is breaking the club rule." tinn is literally standing like three metres behind them. sound trusted gun enough to tell him that he likes win. i swear, if gun doesnt tell sound about tinn RIGHT NOW (or at least soon) IM GONNA TELEPORT INTO THE UNIVERSE AND SMACK HIM

"im sorry. im the first to break the club rule." YES. GOOD GOOD GOOD

"what??" "actually, im seeing tinn" G O O D. YOU SAID IT. WELL DONE.

sound is like rly confused and he looked behind at tinn and tinn kinda shrugged and nodded and sound says "how's that possible? when??" "my couple is no different than yours. tinn and i have nothing in common." YES YES YES YES BRING HIS HOPE BACK PLS TY GUN "but our dissimilarities got us to this point. just because you and win are so different, doesnt mean you two cant be together" YESSSSSSSSSS comforting hand on shoulder "trust me"

AND SOUND IS LOOKING AT THE SAND AND I THINK HES TRYING NOT TO SMILE BUT ALSO TRYING NOT TO CRY AT THE SAME TIME, HE NEEDS A HUG, ITS OKAY TO CRY, DONT WORRY SOUND

okie now hes smiling and nodding yayyyyyyyyyyyy

(btw im getting all this from constant commentary i messaged to my friend (who hasnt seen the show but basically has through my bad explanations and screenshots and screen recordings) and i started watching the episode as soon as it was out, and at this point through the episode id been watching for an hour and a half. i have too many thoughts and comments grbhbrhbrhb)

"i changed my mind. i will finish this song." YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

excuse me gun??

im sorry, i love you, but that position is TAKEN

by TIW

he smelt it before either of them even KNEW

gun can be, like. the guy that hoists the mainsail or something

this next scene killed me

win knows sound's favourite bread

win's apology is to give bread

that's so in character for reasons i cant explain

and he bought the gay-moment water

and win unscrews the lid and it's mirroring that scene from last time and my HEART

GRABBING HIS HAND AND THE DRINK AND STEPPING CLOSER?????

WHAT IS THIS

THIS IS SOME WEIRD FLIRTING

SOUND DRINKING WATER WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT

SOUND WHY DID YOU STEP EVEN CLOSER

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

E Y E T O L I P F L I C K E R

GUYS JUST KISS PLS

TINN IS ASKING IF HE CAN KISS GUN

I REPEAT

TINN IS ASKING GUN IF HE CAN KISS HIM

WE GOT A CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE

and gun didnt let him, but thankfully tinn is a walking green flag and isnt getting mad or forcing himself upon gun. i love these two so much.

Gim. please. rest. you dont need to work every hour of every day. you're over-exerting yourself

OMG TINN'S MUM AND GUN'S MUM SCENE?? YES PLEASE, SIGN ME UP. THEYRE BOTH QUEENS

many more of gim's little accidental clues and photjanee's gonna figure out who it is that tinn likes

gotta love that perfectly-timed phone call tho, dam

HOW IS POR STYLISH EVEN WHEN DOING WEIRD EXERCISES

HOW DOES HE DO IT???

also LOOK AT THE GENDER ON THIS MAN

I WANT IT

pat's shirt is the mood of the week

they all look so Normal™️

and then there's freaking por with his freaking rich-kid-twink-ness i love him

OHHHH THE DANCING PERFORMANCE IS WHERE THIS CLIP IS FROM (the one of pat doing the worm. i kept vaguely wondering what it was from. and now i know)

I CANT EVEN RN-- THIS IS SO FUNNY

IM LITERALLY CRYING FROM LAUGHTER

look at this little happy proud gay man

i know i probably shouldnt call him little cos he's 20cm (nearly 8 inches) taller than me, but idc, that's not the point

look at this little happy proud gay man

i know i probably shouldnt call him little cos he's 20cm (nearly 8 inches) taller than me, but idc, that's not the point

theyre gonna do so goooooood

also satang is probably grateful to the ends of the earth that he didnt have to do this dance lmao

omg he managed to un-twink for 0.5 seconds

my gender is win's poofy sleeves

also if you're familair with @ashedddaisy's red-yellow soundwin theory, win is wearing orange here. orange is literally the middle of red and yellow. he's getting there.

DON'T WORRY, TIW, THEY DID IN FACT SLAY IT (boys)

HE'S SO PROUD

IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME

the first to approach him was por. i repeat, tiwpor crumb alert, we got a code violet, code violet

AND NOW FOR THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

SOUND PERFORMING HIS SONG. BY HIMSELF. ON STAGE. IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE. AND THAT AUDIENCE HAPPENS TO CONTAIN WIN.

I PROMISE, I WILL CRY (again)

"im not much of a talked, so im using this song to represent my feelings for someone" you know, im surprised yak didn't pick up on that. youd think he'd like, try and stop that, cos that's a love-related distraction

AHA I KNEW IT

I FREAKING KNEW IT

I CALLED IT I CALLED IT I CALLED IT

THE FREAKING TRACK THAT KEEPS PLAYING BEHIND SOUNDWIN SCENES

IT'S FREAKING EVERYWHERE

IT'S THERE WHEN THEY BADMINTON

IT'S THERE WHEN THEY "KISS"

IT'S THERE WHEN WIN PUTS THE HELMET ON

IT'S THERE WHEN SOUND IS THINKING ABOUT 'what im really into'

IT'S THERE WHEN SOUND WALKS AWAY AFTER SAYING 'what a waste of time'

IT'S THERE WHEN SOUND DRINKS THE WATER

AND NOW SOUND PRESSES PLAY ON THE MUSIC

AND IT'S THAT FREAKING TRACK

AND I KNEW IT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i cant even describe my thoughts on the song

i made an earlier prediction that this would kill me

i was right. i might currently be dead. the song killed me.

SOUND WALKING ALONE AFTER THE SHOW THING AND WIN CALLING HIS NAME, PREPARE YOURSELVES FRIENDS

"why do i feel like you just yelled at me through that song" BECAUSE HE DID

"how do you know i wrote it for you?" "it's so obvious. i can see that from mars" MY FREAKING HEART-

"why did you ask then?" "seriously, since when?" "remember when we practiced badminton together?" and win has this tiny smile and sound has this tiny relaxed smile and theyre actually killing me

YOU'RE KIDDING

THERES AN ENTIRE SCENE AFTER THE BADMINTON AND WE'RE ONLY GETTING IT NOW AND WE WERE NEVER TOLD???

YOU'RE. FREAKING. KIDDING.

THIS SCENE IS THE DEATH OF ME

also the track is behind the umbrella scene too

THEYRE LITERALLY BOYFRIENDS

THEYRE DOING IT ON PURPOSE

THEY W A N T US TO GO INTO CARDIAC ARREST

i refuse to believe that win doesnt actually like sound yet

he just hasnt identified/confronted the feelings yet

and sound's reaction was the saddest thing ever, like i could smell the tears he was holding back when he said 'then we stay as friends'

BUT THEN WIN FREAKING SAYS "for something i dont know, im willing to try"

and if you're thinking 'WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????' then you would be correct

"c a n y o u c o a c h m e" i am dead

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GUYS YOU'RE LITERALLY TWO CENTIMETRES FROM KISSING

AND THEN THE SCENE FREAKING ENDS

I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK???

I CANT BE PATIENT

PATIENCE IS NOT IN MY BLOOD

AAAAAAAAAA

also side note: win is now wearing a yellow shirt under a yellowish-orange jacket thing. back to the red-yellow soundwin theory, he has feelings for sound, he's got the yellow shirt. and on the outside, he's still kind of hiding it, still trying to figure it out. the jacket is almost like it's been stained more and more yellow over time, and win wants sound to turn it pure yellow, he just cant figure out how to get there, which is why hes asking sound to coach him. over time, he'll wear colours that get closer and closer to sound's shade of yellow, to show him finally realising his feelings more and more. :]

"no pressure or anything, but our club's future is in your hands" jeez yak, that's a little intense dont you reckon???

omg gemini finally gets to do music-related things

i can see him jumping for joy in his mind

he gets to sing and play guitar

OMG WE GOT TWO NEW SONGS TODAY

probably cos last week we didnt get any songs

but WOW

"wow. did you write that?" "no. you wrote it. you wrote it in here *tinn points to his own heart* i just sang it out loud." WHEN I SAY THAT THESE TWO ARE LIFE GOALS, I FREAKING MEAN IT

and now tinngun are kissing with a notebook between them

WHY do they have to ALWAYS get SO FREAKING CLOSE and then DONT??????

theyre really cute tho so i cant rly get mad

OH MY GOSH FREAKING HOT WAVE IS NEXT WEEK???????

THE FINAL FREAKING COMPETITION IS N E X T W E E K

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUNCTION FOR SEVEN DAYS WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE IN MY BRAIN

ALSO NEXT EP WE'RE GONNA GET SOME SOLID CONTENT OF SOUND ATTEMPTING TO FLIRT AND WIN FALLING FOR HIM SO YAY

it's not quite what i was hoping for, but they're definitely aiming towards getting soundwin together, so its okay, theyll get there eventually

final thought/conclusion: this is my new favourite episode cos its like 50% soundwin

[nekohrine]

now that I'm done with my yearly religious listening to origin of symmetry by muse, imma write some goals and Hopes for myself so that I can laugh at them next year! or maybe sooner

write more!! possibly every day

be nicer to yourself (occasionally)

watch more films with David Tennant

find a cool username for your second accountS

be gayer

do more pyrography

finish watching bones

fix that one cabinet

find a decent facebook header

write a twilight fanfic

do things you like instead of doing nothing (I know this one is a wild one. but, like, imagine. wanting to write and then actually writing. wanting to read a book and then reading it. wanting to become a witch living in a forest and--)

shitpost

[bokutshi-hitachi]

i’m a don’t like and i content your straight man

we try to be an inclusive community and let the straights know they're still accepted as we become gayer and gayer every day <3

[korkiekenobiconfirmed]

HoF/QoS Rewrite

I've had this idea stewing for a little while, but I've been thinking about how HoF and QoS could've been combined into one (albeit longer) book, removing a lot of filler and greatly improving the pacing of the series. Just to make it easy, throughout the post I'm calling the combined book "book 3.5"

Aelin & Rowan

Aelin’s arc in this combined book is essentially her HoF storyline. She goes to Wendlyn, works on her powers, becomes close with Rowan, and finally accepts her title and responsibilities as queen

She returns at the end of book 3.5 to play a role in recruiting Lysandra (I'll get into that in Lys' section)

Dorian

Dorian, still without control over his powers, accidentally reveals his magic to his father at the end of CoM, only days after Aelin leaves for Wendlyn. His father collars him in the final pages of CoM, like the ending of HoF, but at this point we (the readers) know next to nothing about the Valg, so the cliffhanger of the King putting this mysterious black collar on Dorian leaves us confused and looking for answers

He spends the majority of book 3.5 possessed, like in QoS, and we slowly learn about the Valg from Dorian’s firsthand experiences while Aelin’s simultaneously learning about them with Rowan over in Wendlyn. The interlap between Aelin’s slow information gathering and Dorian’s possession drives the readers nuts bc they kind of know what’s going on but neither Dorian, trapped in his own mind, nor Aelin really has the full story

Ultimately, Dorian’s able to break away from the Valg because of Chaol, not Manon or Aelin, as Chaol pleads to his friend “I know you’re in there”

You know, the classic trope that gets you every single time. It’s not like their relationship can get gayer than it already was anyways… (I'm kidding. Kind of.)

This is also more in character for both of them, as his relationship with Dorian has been a driving force for much of Chaol's life

Aedion & Chaol

Aedion follows his HoF arc more closely. He comes to Rifthold on the King’s orders, working with Murtagh,  Ren and the other rebels from the city rather than the north

Chaol was supposed to leave for Anielle because of the bargain he struck with his father in CoM, but when Dorian is collared and possessed, Chaol decides that's his last straw with the King. He abandons his post early but instead of going to Anielle, he starts sniffing around in Rifthold to find answers about the black collar/Valg. This gets him caught by the rebels but Aedion recognizes him as the captain of the kingsguard and gives him a chance to explain. Chaol’s wary of revealing too much, but he tells Aedion that Aelin’s alive to gain his trust

They spend the rest of the book collaborating (similar to HoF), but with their combined wit (two heads are better than one) they figure out the clock towers and decide to bring one down while Aelin’s still in Wendlyn. By the time Aelin returns, expecting a magical dead-zone, magic has been brought back and the Rifthold clocktower was destroyed

This gives Chaol and Aedion much more importance/weight in the story. Throughout a lot of SJM's books, characters that aren't the main main characters (Aelin & Rowan, Rhys & Feyre) can often fall by the wayside in terms of propping up SJM's favorites, and I want to give other characters more agency.

Manon

This one’s hard because I thought the witches’ HoF storyline was very well paced

Basically HoF happens the same for her but instead of training in the Ferian Gap and being sent to Morath at the end of the book, the witches receive their Wyverns and training in the mountains around Morath. This way, Manon meets Elide earlier but the witches’ story remains largely unchanged

She helps Elide escape Morath about halfway through her character development and the book, meaning she’s taken a big step on the way to humanity but at this point, she’s not quite sure why. She felt a connection to Elide and her witch ancestry, but is still cold-hearted enough that her rescue of Elide is an unexpected move for the reader. Manon then moves back a step — confused why she helped this girl, she calls it a moment of weakness and once again resolves to be the stone-cold witch her grandmother expects (Obviously this resolution doesn’t last long)

Her character in 3.5 will see slightly less development  she did in HoF/QoS, and she’ll need some time in EoS to fully separate from her grandmother and become the character she was by the end of the series. Considering how late she came into the main group in EoS and how little narrative purpose she served once she did crash land on their ship (beyond being Dorian's newest hookup), we can make that sacrifice.

Elide

Elide’s time in Morath is documented in the first half or so of book 3.5 and she still gets the Wyrdkey from Kaltain with the instructions “Get this to Celaena Sardothein in Rifthold.” She and the Wyrdkey are dropped in Oakwald by Manon, like she was in QoS, and despite her disability she uses her wit to escape both the Ilken (hunting her to bring her back to Perrington) and Adarlanian soldiers.

No, Lorcan is not involved. This gives Elide more agency and a better chance to show off her own ability to survive without another Sexy Brooding Fae Man protecting her. Maybe she pulls a Mulan and pretends to be a guy for safety, though.

Taking Lorcan out of the story also removes a POV character, which helps cut down page count/filler. Lorcan can still exist in the story as Maeve's commander, but he's not nearly as important/prevalent.

Once in Rifthold, Elide finds out Celaena was an assassin who’d been captured, taken to Endovier, and has been presumed dead for years. Knowing Kaltain couldn’t have been that incorrect in her information, she decides to hang around, find work, and look into the Wyrdkey she’s in possession of. Her research ends up bringing her to Aedion, Chaol, and the rebels, as well as Aelin who has recently returned.

Lysandra

Aelin still needs the amulet of Orynth from Arobynn Hamel, who’d stolen it from her all those years ago. Aelin has a history with Lysandra and knows Lys once loved Wesley, who Hamel killed. Aelin, freshly back from Wendlyn, enlists Lysandra to kill Hamel and steal the amulet for her (which she does, like a bad bitch, in QoS).

By the end of book 3.5 Aelin now has the three Wyrdkeys — The Amulet of Orynth, the one from Kaltain/Elide, and the one from Elena’s tomb. The next book (EoS) is spent pretty much canonically as they run around with the wyrdkeys trying to find out how to put Erawan back in his cage.

The end of book 3.5 features Chaol facing off against Dorian. Possessing all three Wyrdkeys, Aelin plans on using them to kill the king but Valg!Dorian still stands in their way. Chaol does the whole “I’ll let you kill me before I kill you” speech á la stevebucky and Dorian almost does kill him, realizing what he’s doing at the last second. He expels the Valg from his body and unleashes his powers in a blast that kills the King, levels the castle, and paralyzes Chaol (similar to what actually happened). This leaves everyone set up perfectly for the next books while condensing two long-ish books into one. 

[flowers-and-literature]

Sometimes I love being unphotogenic because every time I look like a 10/10 (all the time fyi) I turn into folklore. A local myth. I look pretty af but there is no video/camera footage of me, effectively making me a cryptid. "Did you see that one person that looked like David Bowie but gayer the other day?" "Everyone knows they're not real, no one is that pretty." It's amazing. I feel like big foot's younger nonbinary sibling that fucked off into the woods years ago to become a Victoria's secret model

[your-fave-transboy]

Archive of My Own

So, this is just a list of all the shit I have written and posted on Archive of Our Own. I'll try and update this as I go lmao but life is a bitch, so bear with me. :)

*= Warning

+ = Uncommon Pairing

Updated: 7/13/2022

Arresting and Arrested *

Fandom: Law and Order: SVU

Status: WIP

Chapters: 10/?

Words: 32,095/?

Summary: Phoenix Wesley has become content with his ordinary life. With a job he loves and clients that always need him, the middle-aged man is sure that he is happy until a single mother and her son force him to reevaluate. Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, Phoenix’s life is forever changed in the best way by the addition of Olivia and Noah Porter Benson. The two remind him that life is worth living if not just for the little moments and help make more along the way.

Coffee In the Morning

Fandom: Law and Order: SVU

Status: Complete

Chapters: 8

Words: 16,429

Summary: Serena Clarke, the new owner of The Morning Stop, was not all that interested in Alphas. That was until she met one Olivia Benson. The detective was beautiful and smelled amazing, but seemed to hold the weight of the world on her broad shoulders. Over time, Serena found herself getting closer to the older woman once their lives collided until they did as well.

More Than Just Surviving*

Fandom: Harry Potter x Grey's Anatomy

Status: WIP

Chapters: 6/?

Words: 45,926

Summary: Fyodor Dostoyevsky once said, “The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” A life without purpose is a painfully hollow existence. Some are unlucky enough to never find theirs. I thank Death every day that I escaped that fate. I’d been a hollow shell of myself after the war. It took a while, but I found my direction, and the long and eventful journey of self-discovery has brought me to my latest destination. This rainy, cloudy, and downright depressing city of Seattle. Absolutely perfect in my books, just like back home. I miss it, and them, my friends and chosen family, but they understood why I had to step out into the world. I had served their purpose, and it had been time to strive for my own, and be more than just the Boy-Who-Lived.

Peter B. Parker: SAaPTSB+

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe (Spider-man)

Status: Complete

Chapters: 21

Words: 40,422

Summary: It all began when Peter first turned eighteen. His senior year was just getting into motion when his birthday had rolled around. Technically, it all really started three years prior when he was just fifteen.

she ain't gonna marry me

Fandom: The Devil Wears Prada

Status: Complete

Chapters: 1

Words: 1,147

Summary: Two years since Paris. Two years since Andy Sachs walked away from Miranda Priestly's world with no intention to ever return until she got a wedding invitation.

Shuffle Challenge: Madam Secretary Ed.

Fandom: Madam Secretary

Status: Complete

Chapters: 1

Words: 9,856

Summary: The Madam Secretary addition to the shuffle challenge because this show is criminally underrated. Let's hope I can do these characters justice the way they deserve.

Shuffle Challenge: Murlendez Ed.

Fandom: The Good Doctor

Status: Complete

Chapters: 10

Words: 8,801

Summary: N/A

Stealing Clothes to Create a Family

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Status: Complete

Chapters: 7

Words: 8,363

Summary: 6 times Emily Prentiss wore the team's clothing and 1 time someone wore hers. A story of change and obtaining treasures from your family. From fuzzy socks to an umbrella, they all had a special place in Emily's heart.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Fandom: Grey's Anatomy

Status: WIP

Chapters: 46/?

Words: 14,916

Summary: Grey's on Twitter babes. Our modern fam, but gayer.

[angeltism]

How are you so gay

I ask myself that question every day. And then I proceed to ask myself how I can become gayer. Huh. Maybe those two things are related.

[ot9snumber1]

OOOHH then after that president park becomes obsessed with mo joyeon instead (maybe fwb to lovers 🤔) hehehe. Crime scene season 2 made everything gayer like the number of times that I’ve rewatched it is not healthy

FWB TO LOVERS!!!! when they make it official i think park would tease mo joyeon about her jealousy every single day... who in the world gets so jealous they fuck their ex's fan at his murder scene?! (i support her 100%)

mina in That suit is already incredibly gay. now ur making me wanna watch it </3

[flockofdoves]

omg... not like surprising or anything i guess but kinda cool seeing one of my vague crushes back in middle/high school has she/they in her bio now. ig i technically still have no confirmation of their sexuality or anything but literally would be sooo surprised if theyre not bi or a lesbian at this point. was so right about the vibes back when i was like 14

[sastiel-is-my-serotonin]

Me anytime I see Brie Larson: Great! How the fuck am I supposed to think straight after that?

[kaijurakunsobs]

I've been loving your Yandere Beneviento hcs, but I'm a major simp for Lady Dimitrescu. Could you do some yandere hcs for her please? Maybe she sees a maiden in the village one day and decides she has to have her or something along those lines?

i am...one weak gay and the Lord sends y'all my way to make me gayer

she's used to see the miserable people of the village, praying blindly to mother Miranda without knowing that their days are numbered

she must admit...she will miss all the delicious man-flesh and the sweet taste of a pure young woman's blood

yet, somehow, you are different

she can easily tell your hands are calloused from the hard work you do around the village, your smile is like the sun, you are perfect I her eyes

Y/N...what a wonderful name, it's a shame it was pronounced by a man, lust dripping from his voice, at least, those last moment of arousal are enough to make his blood and flesh a bit sweeter

he was trying to marry you...and he will be first of many to meet an early death

people around the village start talking, every man that comes looking for your hand in marriage ends up going missing, you are cursed! a nasty thing that should be gone

slowly the men in your life start to drift away, even your father grows weary of you, believing you have become a witch and the devil is keeping his consort away from other men

indeed...the devil has chosen you as her consort, but she won't act harshly or without thinking

"The castle needs a new maid" is all that your family needs to hear to throw you into the waiting arms of the Head Maid in the castle

better sacrifice the witch than any of the pure hearted maidens

Alcina smiles with glee when you walk through the doors, her principal maid thinks its for her, glowing under undeserved praise

with each day, the other maids begin to notice, your uniforms are made of better quality, the pins in your hair are beautiful and it seems like your only job is to be by the Lady's side

the Head maiden almost cries in joy when she finds you lifting a beautiful gold and emerald necklace, with a strong hold in your hair she yanks you to the Lady's bed chambers

there's pride in her stance when she throws you to the ground, boasting about how she found you stealing from the Lady!

you have to force yourself not to screech in terror when the maid drops to the floor, her head is gone and your Lady is by your side

Alcina: now, now darling Y/N, take that expression off your face and smile dear, no one will hurt you again, none of those pesky men looking to marry you or this insolent waste will ever hurt you again

in that moment...you wish for death to come for you, the Lady's eyes are crazed and filled with something, that makes you feel like a pet and not a human

[deancasheadcanons]

Slightly Gayer

[ao3]

7.3k words post-15x18 domestic Dean/Cas (loosely) inspired by this artwork by skepticalfrog

Dean is sitting at the kitchen table drinking his coffee and halfheartedly scrolling through the news. He can’t focus because his eyes keep drifting over to the other side of the kitchen, where Cas is cooking breakfast and talking on the phone with Claire.

Cas looks different, is the thing. He’s wearing a pair of bright green boxer briefs and one of Dean’s old gray t-shirts, neither of which fit him right. Since becoming human, Cas exercises constantly, stacking his arms and legs with thickly corded muscle.

But he eats, too, and loves eating as much as Dean does, so his stomach juts out big and round from his muscular chest, several inches of tan underbelly visible out of the bottom of Dean’s shirt. The fabric is caught in the crease between his chest and belly, taut around the outline of his nipple rings. The sleeves are also too tight around his biceps, revealing the Enochian tattoos that extend from shoulder to elbow of each arm.

Dean knows what Cas looks like, of course he knows. He knows every inch of his perfect body. But the way Cas moves, Dean is still getting used to. Still studying.

Cas has the phone tucked between his shoulder and ear, his hands occupied with making pancakes and eggs. He has his weight shifted to one hip, his butt sticking out even more than it already does, and he keeps waving the spatula around animatedly as he talks. He takes a drink of coffee, then scratches his belly, then gestures with his hand, flipping his wrist rather...limply.

He turns around to the kitchen island to plate the pancakes and catches Dean staring at him. He smiles and winks in his direction while continuing his conversation with Claire.

Dean tries to look back down at his phone. He makes it about five seconds before his eyes find their way over to Cas again. He takes a long drink of coffee and sets his mug down as he stands up. He strides over to Cas and comes at him from behind, wrapping his arms around his middle and burying his face in his soft neck. He kisses the tattoo that’s on the juncture of Cas’ collarbone and neck—Dean’s name in Enochian.

“I’ve gotta go, Claire,” Cas says, his voice as deep and gravelly as ever. “Tell Kaia I said hello. Yes. OK, bye.”

Dean squeezes Cas’ belly and presses long, slow kisses to his neck.

Cas turns the stove off and moves the eggs over to a different burner. His hands, now free, fold over top of Dean’s. He laces their fingers together.

“Claire said they’re thinking of coming by to visit in a few days,” Cas says, leaning his weight back against Dean.

“Mm. Good.” Dean continues his kisses.

Cas huffs a laugh and rubs his hand up and down Dean’s forearm. “Feeling affectionate this morning?”

“Always. C’mere.” He tugs at Cas to get him to turn around in his arms, then he fits his hands to his hips and presses his flat torso against Cas’ gut before leaning over and kissing him on the lips.

Cas puts a hand to the side of Dean’s face and the other on the counter behind him, supporting his weight against it. He moans into the kiss, pushing his tongue hungrily into Dean’s mouth and rolling his hips in an intoxicating rhythm.

They stop after a few minutes. Cas keeps his hand on Dean’s face, rubbing the pad of his thumb back and forth across his cheek as he smiles softly up at him.

“What?” Dean asks self-consciously. He circles his own thumbs into Cas’ love handles.

“Nothing,” Cas replies, his smile widening. “You’re just very beautiful.”

Dean ducks back in for another quick kiss. Then, “You move differently than you used to.”

Cas tilts his head to the side, furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

“You’re, uh, I don’t know. Your mannerisms...you’re more feminine. Gayer.”

Cas laughs and drops his head forward. His hand falls away from Dean’s face, and he flips it out palm up. “Well, Dean, I am gay.”

Now Dean is laughing. He pulls Cas closer to him and once again pushes his face against his neck. “You were just so stiff before.” He pulls back again and looks Cas in the eye. “I don’t like thinking that you were, I don’t know, holding yourself back. Repressed.”

Cas barks out a laugh. “Yes, please, tell me more about how I was repressed.”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up.” He squeezes a soft hip. “I’m starving, let’s eat.”

They sit perpendicular to each other at the kitchen table. Cas rubs one socked foot up and down Dean’s calf while they eat.

“Do I move different?” Dean asks with a mouthful of eggs.

Cas frowns at him, mug of coffee in his hand. “Is that a trick question?”

“Oh god, I do, don’t I?”

“Well, first of all, Dean, your voice is an octave higher than it used to be.”

Dean blushes and shoves more food in his mouth, avoiding eye contact.

Cas leans his elbows on the table, closer to Dean. “And you carry yourself differently. You’ve always been confident in your body, but you don’t posture anymore. You carry yourself in a more relaxed way—like when we’re walking, and you keep one hand in your pocket and the other holding mine. You don’t puff your chest out so much, and it makes you look more natural.”

“Gayer?”

Cas laughs again. “Yes, Dean, I think when you, uh, rub my lower back and kiss my temple while we wait in line at the grocery store or something, you definitely look gayer than you did before.”

Dean reaches over and tangles their hands together, swinging them back and forth playfully on top of the table. “Can’t help it,” he says gently. “If you’re near me, I gotta touch.”

They smile shyly at each other. Cas eventually moves Dean’s hand up to his mouth and kisses his knuckles. “I’m not too gay for you, am I? My mannerisms don’t bother you?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “You’re fishing for a compliment.”

“So give me one.”

He scoots his chair closer to Cas’ and moves his hand under the table, spreading his fingers over one of Cas’ thick thighs and squeezing the soft muscle. “I’m fucking thrilled that you’re comfortable in your own skin, sweetheart. I love the new ways you move, and I love how you’ve made your body your own. I get distracted staring at you so much that I can’t even read one crap news article without looking at you.”

Cas takes a deep breath. A tear slips down his cheek, and he wipes it away delicately. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to hearing you say stuff like that to me. Not even in my most self-indulgent fantasies did I imagine...”

Dean laughs and tugs on Cas’ shirtsleeve, coaxing him over to him, patting his legs so Cas straddles his lap. Once they’re settled, Dean rubs soothing circles into Cas’ back fat and looks up at him reverently.

“I’ll always think you deserve better than me, but, uh,” Dean starts. “I guess if you want me instead of somebody better, then I gotta be the best version of myself. I’m sorry I wasn’t this me sooner.”

Cas presses their foreheads together. “You mean this gayer version?”

Dean laughs into a kiss. “Only took you confessing your love and dying for me to get my head out of my ass.”

Cas puts a finger to the tip of Dean’s nose. “No, actually, it took more than that. Seven months after I came back, Dean. It took you seven months.”

Dean winces. “Worth the wait?”

Cas sighs and kisses Dean’s cheek before climbing laboriously off his lap, grunting as his gut shifts. He pulls at the hem of his boxer briefs to get them down over his huge thighs; Dean pinches his butt as he walks away.

In the time it takes Cas to refill their coffee mugs, Dean’s phone rings.

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean answers.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Sam asks.

As Cas comes back and hands Dean a mug, sliding his arm gently across his shoulders before making his way to his seat, Dean says, “Having breakfast with the love of my life. What do you need?”

“Eileen and I are going on a hunt, gonna take a few days. Can we drop Jack by later today?”

“What? The kid can’t stay by himself in the bunker?”

Cas flattens his lips and raises his eyebrows, silently chastising Dean. Dean throws his hand up and shrugs.

“He’s 4, Dean,” Sam says.

“He’s as powerful as God, Sam.”

Jack’s voice comes through the phone, sounding far away. “I don’t like staying here by myself. It’s lonely.”

“Of course you can stay here, kid,” Dean says loudly enough for Jack to hear. To Sam, he says, “But make sure you stop by the store on your way and pick up some food for him, because Cas and I are on a diet.”

“Seriously?” Sam asks.

“No,” Dean scoffs. “C’mon, dude. I’m sure the kid’ll be thrilled to get some real food instead of whatever rabbit food crap you and Eileen feed him.”

Cas snorts a laugh and tucks back into his stack of pancakes, pouring more syrup over them before taking a bite. Dean watches him, obsessed with the dainty way he holds his fork.

“You know, it’s gonna catch up to you one day,” Sam says. “You’ll wake up and suddenly realize you look like Cas.”

“Mm,” Dean hums, eyes still glued to Cas. “You mean I’ll be hot as shit?”

Cas winks at him.

“Yeah, I walked right into that one,” Sam mutters. “See you this afternoon.”

“Bye, Sam.” He hangs up.

“I don’t know why you goad him into judging our eating habits,” Cas says. “He asks about my weight every time I lift with him.”

“What? I’ll kill him.”

“No, it’s—”

“Where’s my gun? I’m gonna kill him.”

“Dean,” Cas says, exasperated. “He only asks because he doesn’t see me every day. You’d notice I was getting bigger, too, if you only saw me every week or so.”

Dean pouts at him, offended. “I touch you and stare at you constantly every day, of course I fucking notice. You’re big, Cas. And you take good care of yourself. Sam can mind his own fucking business.”

“I don’t need you to defend my honor to your brother, you insane man.” Cas stands and picks up their plates to take them to the sink. “And you need to limit the number of ‘fucks’ you say when Jack gets here.”

“Jesus, when did you become such a nagging wife?”

Cas turns away from the sink, sets a hand on the shelf of his belly, and says in a deadpan, “When I became pregnant with our third child.”

It’s a joke he stole from Dean, but Dean still lets out an embarrassing laugh like it’s the first time he’s heard it. He then joins Cas in the kitchen, hugging him from behind again and sneaking a hand up under his shirt so he can cup one of his pecs, teasing his thumb over his piercing. He kisses the shell of his ear as he mumbles, “I’ll clean up in here. I know you wanna go work out.”

Cas shuffles around in his arms and kisses him languidly. Even though they’ve been together for months and have shared at least a thousand kisses, a thrilling warmth washes over Dean’s body every time Cas initiates.

“What?” Cas asks gently when they break apart.

Dean kisses him again, squeezes his sides. “I just love you so much.”

Cas fights his smile and fails. He runs a hand up through Dean’s hair, which Dean is growing out, because Cas likes to touch it. “I love you so much, too.”

“C’mere.” Dean pulls him into a hug, wrapping his arms around his back and holding him tight, nuzzling his face in his neck while Cas fists his hands in the back of Dean’s t-shirt. “Loved you for so long. Should’ve told you sooner.”

“Yeah, you should’ve.” Cas squeezes him. “I should’ve, too.”

Dean clears his throat as they break apart. “We’ve turned into the biggest fucking saps. Go, go lift your silly weights.” He shoos Cas out of the kitchen and smacks his butt as he goes. “And hey! Don’t forget to walk your sweaty body through here on your way to the shower.”

Over his shoulder, Cas says, “Of course. I would never deprive you of that, Dean.”

When Dean finishes cleaning the kitchen, he heads to the living room where they’ve set up a workspace to help hunters out. Sure, it would be easier to do the job from the bunker, but Dean and Cas wanted their own space, a homier environment for hunters to stop by and rest. They have a room for Jack, a room for Claire and Kaia, and two extra bedrooms for anybody else who shows up—although, one of the rooms is half-full of Cas’ exercise equipment.

Dean has his eye on a rundown bar down the road, too, but not enough time has passed since they committed crimes to get a loan for their house, so he has to wait before they can buy it.

While Dean is doing research for a case that Garth is working on, Jody calls.

“Yeah, go ahead,” Dean answers, putting her on speaker.

“I’m three hours from your place,” she says, sounding tired. “Can you guys take the kid again for just, like, one week? Please.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course, Jody,” Dean replies, his posture straightening with excitement. “But you already knew that, because you’re already driving her over here.”

Jody laughs. “Yeah. Thanks, Dean. See you soon.”

Dean shoots a text to Sam: Raven’s gonna be here, too. ETA?

Sam texts back right away: Whenever we feel like it o’clock.

Bitch, Dean types.

Whore, Sam replies.

When Dean and Cas got together, they didn’t get the chance to tell Sam. They were on a hunt, and Sam was at the motel doing research while Dean and Cas ate dinner at a bar nearby. Cas was talking about the case and reached over and stole a fry off of Dean’s plate, and something about the gesture broke something inside of Dean. He blurted out, “I love you, too,” like a fucking idiot, causing Cas to nearly choke on the fry.

The truth was that Dean was in shock when Cas came back from the Empty, and he could not believe that this ancient unknowable being actually loved him. But then Cas was human, and ordinary, and he grew more comfortable around Dean as his body filled out. Easy warmth and affection radiated from him, like loving Dean was as natural to him as breathing.

And Dean knew that his own feelings couldn’t be buried anymore. They were clawing their way to the surface with each day that passed, until finally they burst free with an I love you, too over a stolen goddamn French fry.

They finished their meal quickly and quietly, then they walked out to the Impala together and Dean couldn’t wait a second longer than the nearly 13 years he’d already waited, so he pushed Cas up against the driver’s side door and kissed him.

“Oh,” Cas breathed between their mouths.

“What?” Dean mumbled.

“I didn’t—realize—when—”

Dean moved to kissing Cas’ softening jaw and neck so that his mouth was free to talk.

“I wasn’t sure you meant you loved me like this,” Cas explained.

Dean abruptly pulled away. “Oh. Uh, did you not—we don’t have to if you don’t want—”

Cas cut him off with a bruising kiss. “No, no, I definitely want.”

“Thank god.”

It had taken all of their willpower to get in the car and drive back to the motel, and Dean had barely put her in park before dragging Cas to the backseat and messily stripping clothes off. There wasn’t nearly enough space, so they ended up rutting against each other while making out like horny teenagers, and that’s when Sam knocked on the window.

Dean cracked it the smallest amount, his body still tangled with Cas. “We’re a little busy here, Sammy.”

“Yeah, uh, I’m gonna get another room so you guys don’t have to do...this...out here.”

“Sammy, you’re the best brother in the world,” Dean said stupidly as he and Cas struggled out of the backseat, holding their clothes half-on, shirts and overshirts and jackets in hand and jeans unbuttoned. Dean dragged Cas by the hand up to their room.

And so Sam (homophobically, in Dean’s opinion) started calling Dean “whore” instead of “jerk.”

Dean is typing on his laptop when Cas clears his throat from the hall. Dean looks up immediately, raking his eyes up and down Cas’ glistening, swollen body as he walks shirtless toward their bedroom.

“Hey, hey, hey, no, come back here,” Dean says, scrambling to get up, tripping over his own feet, then finally making it to Cas so he can squeeze his biceps and press kisses to his sweaty shoulder.

Dean moves his mouth down Cas’ collarbone and chest, hunching his body so he can get a better angle as he works his tongue around a nipple ring.

Cas cards a hand through Dean's hair. “Do you want to shower with me?” he asks patiently.

Dean reluctantly lets go of his nipple and straightens up. “Does a bear shit in the woods?”

Their shower is just big enough for both of them, but it’s too difficult to do much more than wash each other’s bodies. They talk loudly to each other over the spray, which is why neither of them hear the front door open and Sam and Eileen announce their arrival.

Dean walks out to the kitchen wearing a towel around his waist and one around his hair. Sam and Eileen are making sandwiches while Jack sits on a barstool at the island reading a book.

“Oh, hey, guys,” Dean says. He grabs a La Croix out of the fridge and takes a long drink. “Didn’t hear you come in.”

Cas comes in next, wearing just boxer briefs, his wet hair dripping water onto his body. He greets everyone then puts a hand on the small of Dean’s back and kisses his cheek. He takes the La Croix right out of his hand and drinks it before giving it back.

“Cas, are your nipples pierced?” Eileen asks, shocked.

“Oh, yeah,” Cas says flippantly. He pats the tattoo of Dean’s name on his shoulder. “Dean talked me into it when I got this.”

Dean mutters, “Not like you needed much convincing.”

“So are you guys gonna bother putting clothes on, or…?” Sam asks bitchily.

“Oh, I’m so sorry for existing in my own house,” Dean teases. He settles against Cas’ side; Cas wraps his arm around his hip. “Maybe if somebody had told us when they would be here, we could’ve been ready.”

“Yeah, well, we were anxious to get here,” Sam says, looking pointedly at Eileen. “We have some news.”

“Uh-oh, this sounds like something I should be wearing clothes for,” Dean says.

“I’m pregnant,” Eileen says and signs. She makes a face like she’s sorry about it.

Cas sucks in a sharp breath. Dean’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, uh.” Sam sighs and throws a hand up. “We’re not totally sure how we feel about it, you know, never really planned on…”

“We don’t want to stop hunting,” Eileen finishes for him. “But if there’s a good reason to stop, this is it.”

“We can help,” Dean says quickly. He nervously sets his water down on the counter so he can sign and talk. “You know we’re always willing to take care of a kid. Especially a baby.” He looks over at Jack. “No offense, Jack.”

“I told them I would help, too,” Jack says cheerfully. “I would love a little brother or sister. And I can heal most injuries other than death, so if they keep hunting while Eileen is pregnant, it’ll be OK.”

“We’ll be here every step of the way,” Cas adds. “Whatever you need.”

“Yeah,” Sam says solemnly. “We know it’ll be OK, we’re just...I don’t know, I’m just not naturally maternal like you, Dean.”

“Come here, Sammy,” Dean says, walking away from Cas and putting his hand up on Sam’s shoulder to bring him down for a hug. “You’re already a great dad. You’re not gonna fuck the kid up, I promise.”

Sam laughs and squeezes Dean once before letting go. He frowns down at Dean’s bare torso and says, “OK, go get some clothes on, please.” Under his breath, he mutters, “I don’t understand how you and Cas even fit in a shower together.”

“Hey.” Dean points a menacing finger at him. “If you don’t lay off my boyfriend, he’s gonna use his massively buff arms to kick your ass.”

“No, I’m not,” Cas says in a monotone, flipping his wrist to blow Dean off. He kisses Eileen on the cheek as he leaves the kitchen.

“What? I’m not—I don’t care what Cas looks like,” Sam says. He opens the fridge and gestures dramatically to it. “I just think it would be good every now and then if you guys ate, like, one vegetable.” He looks Dean up and down. “Also the fact that Cas works out and you don’t, you look like a skinny little beanpole next to him. He makes you look ridiculous.”

Dean crosses his arms and pouts. “He likes how I look. Says it makes him feel big and strong when he picks me up.”

Sam and Eileen both laugh. Eileen asks, “He picks you up? What, like during sex?”

Dean blushes. He halfheartedly says and signs, “No, I mean, like, when I fall asleep on the couch and he carries me to our bed.”

Sam and Eileen laugh harder.

“I think it’s sweet,” Jack interjects. “I would never laugh at your relationship with Cas, Dean. You two love each other very much.”

Eileen rolls her eyes. “Yeah, perfect little angel over here has never said a mean word about anybody in his life. We get it, Jack, you’re better than us.”

Jack straightens his back and smiles, proud of himself. Dean passes by him on his way out of the kitchen and squeezes his shoulder in thanks.

“A baby, huh?” Dean asks excitedly as he rummages through his and Cas’ closet for some clothes. “We should plan on staying in the bunker with them for the first few months, you know, help them out and stuff.”

Cas scoffs from the master bath. “You just want to hold a newborn.”

“Yeah, so what?” Dean joins him in the bathroom, taking his towels off his head and waist and hanging them back up on the racks. He takes a piss while Cas stands at the sink messing with his hair.

Cas is wearing a pair of black joggers and a faded pink tank top, a denim overshirt sitting on the counter. A long chain rests against his chest between his big pecs, three rings hanging from them. Two of the rings are Dean’s old ones, and the third is a new one Dean picked out for him when they moved into their house together.

Dean checks his hip against Cas’, nudging him out of the way so he can wash his hands at the sink.

“Does it bother you that we can’t just accidentally have children?” Cas asks, turning toward Dean seriously, unaffected by his naked body.

“What? No,” Dean answers. “Why, does it bother you?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

Dean grabs deodorant and pushes Cas’ arm up so he can apply it for him. “We got plenty of kids, honey.” He does the other arm. “And we’re old. I don’t need us to be the sole provider of a child for the next 18 years.” He picks up the denim shirt and helps Cas put it on.

Cas places a gentle hand on Dean’s bare hip and rubs his thumb in circles against his skin. “I just think...I think about how perfect Jack is, and how if I was still an angel and could’ve borrowed a female vessel for a while, then maybe we could’ve…”

“Jesus Christ, Cas.” He pats the slope of his belly. “OK, no more jokes about you being pregnant. It’s fucking with your head.”

“Mm, yeah.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to Dean’s mouth. “Now be honest with me, does this shirt make me look fat?”

Dean laughs as Cas expands his big stomach out and pulls at the fabric of the tank top to make it tight.

“You look perfect, sweetheart.” Dean jiggles his belly. “Fat and very gay.”

“Thank you.”

Dean puts on his usual jeans and flannel over a plain black t-shirt. He also has a necklace with a ring Cas gave him, but he wears it under his clothes and out of sight. He likes feeling it against his skin.

They eat a quick lunch with everybody before Sam and Eileen head out for their hunt. Cas and Jack go in the backyard to tend to Cas’ garden, which is full of beautiful flowers and absolutely no vegetables.

Jody shows up right when she said she would, and she passes Raven off to Dean before she’s even stepped in the door.

“I’m gonna spend the night here if you don’t mind,” Jody announces as she kicks her boots off.

Dean is cooing at the baby and tickling her belly with one finger. Right now she has dark olive skin and a head full of black hair and big gray eyes, but that could change any minute. Jody got her just a few months ago when she was trying to help her mom, a teenage shapeshifter, but the girl had a lot of complications and died during childbirth. She asked Jody to name the baby Raven after Mystique from X-Men.

Jody, claiming that she’s too old to raise a baby on her own, brings Raven over to Dean and Cas’ for at least one week per month.

“Dean?” Jody presses.

“Hmm?”

“I said I’m gonna stay here tonight.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine.” He kisses the baby’s head. “Cas and Jack are outside. Make yourself at home.”

Under her breath, Jody says, “Give a baby to Dean Winchester if you want him not to pay attention to you at all.” She walks to the kitchen and puts on a teapot.

Cas barges in the back door and makes a beeline for Dean, his hands outstretched. “Baby,” he commands.

Dean frowns but hands Cas the baby anyway. He knows if he tries to hog her, he and Cas will have a petty fight about it later.

“Yeah, good to see you, too, Cas,” Jody says, still talking in a dejected tone, grabbing mugs out of the cabinet. “You look good, you been working out? Of course you have, look at you. Yeah, I know, I look good, too. New haircut. Thanks.”

“Hello, Jody,” Cas greets, turning toward her but keeping his eyes on the baby cradled in his arms. She looks impossibly small in his hold. “Your hair looks very nice.”

“Well, thank you, Cas,” Jody says smugly. “Would you like some tea?”

“Are you offering us tea in our own house?” Dean asks.

“You told me to make myself at home.”

Cas moves Raven up to his shoulder, spreading his long, thin fingers over her back to keep her in place with just one hand. With his other hand, he pulls out a barstool at the island and takes a seat. His tank top gets stuck between his underbelly and his lap, and Dean watches, transfixed, as Cas demurely lifts his butt off the chair and flicks his free hand against his shirt to unstick it.

“Dean? You OK?” Jody asks, amused.

“Hmm?” Dean whips his head toward her. “Yeah, sorry.”

“You looked a little lost there for a second, buddy.”

“Oh, yeah,” Dean says. “I don’t know if you know this, but I’m very obsessed with Cas.”

Jody laughs. “It’s impossible to even make fun of you anymore. Like, if you’re going to be blissfully happy, at least act a little embarrassed about it.”

Dean walks over to Cas and puts his arm across his middle, presses his cheek firmly against the side of Cas’ chubby face and looks at Jody as he says, “No.”

“Jody, I would love a cup of tea,” Cas says, ignoring Dean. “Thank you.”

Raven fusses and nuzzles against Cas’ shoulder, so Dean reaches his arms out for her and says, “Too much muscle in your shoulder, she can’t get comfy.”

As Cas hands the baby over, he says, “Yes, because your bony body is so much better.”

“Do you guys even like each other?” Jody interrupts.

“No,” Dean and Cas answer in unison. They then look at each other and smile.

Cas asks Jody about the girls, which gets her on a long-winded rant, so Dean kisses Cas’ hair and heads out the back door with Raven. He walks across the porch and takes a seat on the porch swing and watches as Jack stands in front of a flower, says something to it, then moves onto the next flower and says something else.

“Are you talking to every flower, kid?” Dean calls.

Jack turns and tilts his head with a gentle smile. “I didn’t hear you come out here, Dean. Yes, I’m giving each of them longer lifespans.”

“Oh. Well, thanks.”

It’s mesmerizing, swinging back and forth and watching Jack tend to the flowers. Raven falls asleep quickly, tucked up facedown against Dean’s chest with her head turned to the side.

“See, I’m plenty easy enough to fall asleep on,” he mutters to her.

Jody comes outside a few minutes later, tea in hand. Dean scoots over so she has room to sit next to him on the swing. She doesn’t say anything, just takes a seat and drops her head to his shoulder.

“You know we can keep the kid longer if you need us to,” he says. “Cas has baby fever, so I’m sure he’d be thrilled.”

“Hm. I might,” Jody considers. “Alex is really attached to her though. I am, too, but. I don’t know. It’s different for me.”

“You never thought about having a baby again in your life, did you?”

“No.”

“Hmm.”

Cas walks out next and stops right outside the door, staring straight ahead at Jack. Cas has both his wrists bent against his hips, hands palm out, straight-back posture making his gut look more pronounced than it already is.

“Hey, Jody,” Dean starts, his eyes on Cas.

“Hmm?”

“Do you think Cas is different? I mean, different than how he was as an angel.”

Jody snorts. “Um. That Cas looks like he would eat angel Cas for breakfast.”

“No, I don’t mean—” Now Dean is laughing, too. “Obviously he looks different. I mean, like, the way he’s standing right now. Don’t you think it looks a little…you know…”

“Gay?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, yeah, but only slightly gayer than he used to act.”

Dean balks at that. “What? Really?”

“Honey, I knew Cas was gay the second time I met him. Sure, he’s definitely more comfortable and open and maybe a little more, uh, effeminate now, but he’s always been pretty clearly gay. No offense, you just weren’t paying attention.”

“Hm. Well, I’m paying attention now. Very close attention.” He surreptitiously licks his lips.

After a pause, Jody asks, “How did you live so many years of your life unaware of how horny you are for him?”

Dean puffs out a breath. “Shit, I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. Like, I have a sleeping baby on me right now—one of my favorite things in the world—and yet it’s taking all of my willpower to keep sitting here with you instead of going to put my stupid hands all over him.”

Cas turns toward them then, offering a close-mouthed smile and a delicate wave of his hand, totally oblivious. “Jack is talking to the flowers,” he says loudly.

“Yeah, I know,” Dean says back, less loudly so as not to wake the baby. “Powerful as God, and he’s here talking to our fucking plants.”

Cas furrows his brow. “What did I say about cursing?”

Dean rolls his eyes.

They all hang out outside until Raven wakes up and cries for food, so Dean takes her inside and paces around the kitchen while he gives her a bottle. Cas walks through on his way to the bathroom, and Dean stops him with a, “Hey. C’mere.”

“What?” Cas asks, smiling as he closes the distance between them.

Dean leans to the side, keeping the baby steady as he kisses Cas on the lips.

Cas shakes his head when they pull apart. “You have zero impulse control.”

“See Cas, touch Cas. That’s how my brain works.”

His smile widens. “You’re lucky I’m patient.”

Later, Dean is in charge of getting Raven down for the night, Jody is taking a nap upstairs, and Jack and Cas are out picking up takeout for dinner.

The four of them eat at the kitchen table, and Dean inhales his food quickly so he can relax and sling an arm over the back of Cas’ chair while everyone else finishes. He rubs and scratches at Cas’ back while they all talk, occasionally looking over to watch Cas eat. With how muscular he is, Cas would have to have a high-calorie diet even if he didn’t also just love food, but still he eats slowly and properly as he demolishes at least twice as much as everybody else.

Dean, itching to move and sick of being in the same spot for too long, eventually leans over and nips and kisses at Cas’ neck and face, forcing him to eat even slower. Every so often, Cas turns and pecks Dean on the lips in acknowledgment of his ministrations.

“Dean, you look smaller every time I come over here,” Jody says.

“No, optical illusion. It's 'cause Cas is getting bigger,” Dean responds. He pats a loving hand against Cas’ full belly. “He can’t help that he looks extremely cute like this.”

Mouth full of food, Cas turns his head and kisses Dean’s temple in thanks.

“No, I definitely think you’ve lost weight,” Jody continues.

“Yeah, I think you have,” Cas says. “Not that you weren’t skinny before, but you’ve lost weight since you stopped drinking.”

“Mm. Yeah, I guess.” Dean puts a hand on his own stomach, noting how flat it is. He ignores the heat rising to his cheeks at the basic knowledge that Cas notices things about him.

After dinner, Jack asks if they can watch a movie together in the living room, which they of course oblige. Dean can count on zero hands the amount of times he and Cas have told Jack “no” when he’s at their house.

Cas privately asks Jody if she wants a glass of wine, which she turns down. Dean sees the conversation take place as he’s turning the TV on due to his inability to take his eyes off Cas for even one minute.

Jack, god help him, picks some tragic foreign language film and sits cross-legged on the couch with Jody. Cas and Dean settle in sideways on the loveseat, Cas’ back up against the armrest and one leg hanging off the side so Dean can sit between his thighs and rest back against his chest. Dean rubs his fingertips against Cas’ knee and listens to him unwrap candy after candy, occasionally offering one to Dean.

After about 15 minutes, Dean turns his head and cocks an eyebrow at Cas.

Cas looks back at him, confused, as he puts another candy in his mouth. “What?” he whispers.

“You’ve had, like, 20 of those.”

Cas’ face changes into gay bitchiness as he unwraps another one. “Now who’s the nagging wife?”

“Can you two can it?” Jody asks at a regular volume. “I’m trying to hear what these sad French people are saying.”

Dean ignores her and whispers to Cas, “I don’t give a shit about you stuffing your face, babe, I just wish your hands were more Dean-focused.”

“Oh. Of course, Dean.” Cas tosses a wrapper aside and puts his arms around Dean’s torso, squeezing him firmly back against him.

“Mm, that’s better.” Dean snuggles down and bends his arm up to feel Cas’ bicep.

Jody shushes them again.

Cas presses a chocolatey kiss to the bolt of Dean’s jaw and moves one hand across his waist, teasing with the waistband of his jeans. Dean grabs his hand, stopping him.

“Not in front of the kid, dude,” Dean says through gritted teeth.

“I’m not doing anything,” Cas says innocently, his lips still on Dean’s skin.

Jack pauses the movie and looks over at them with a smile. In a sweet, polite tone, he asks, “I don’t mean to be rude, but can you guys please shut the fuck up?”

Cas nudges his head against Dean’s in fake annoyance. “What did I tell you? What did I fucking tell you, Dean?”

Dean can’t stop laughing. “Yes, Jack, we’ll shut the fuck up.”

With nobody to talk to and with Cas carding his perfect fingers through his hair, Dean falls asleep within 10 minutes. He half-wakes up a little while later and finds himself curled up on his side with his legs pulled up to his chest, using his big boyfriend as a bed, his big arms a blanket, big pecs a pillow. Cas’ chest vibrates beneath his ear as he whispers something to Jody, but Dean doesn’t hear it. He balls his hand into a fist and nuzzles his face against Cas’ shirt like a baby and falls back asleep.

When he wakes up again, it’s because Cas is trying to carefully lift him up and take him to bed. He wraps both arms around Cas’ neck and his legs around his waist and hangs on tight as Cas stands, only one of his muscular arms wrapped around Dean’s butt to hold him in place.

“Wow, he really has you whipped,” Jody whispers to Cas.

Cas responds completely seriously, “Why else would I exercise so much if not for this?”

“G’night, Jody,” Dean mutters against Cas’ neck.

“Night, little baby Dean.”

Dean smiles, his eyes still closed. “I like that.”

Jody sighs. “Seriously. Impossible to make fun of him.”

Cas starts walking toward their room as he says, “Dean is an all or nothing person. So many years with so much shame, now he has absolutely none.”

“Hmm. Yeah,” Jody replies. “Night, Cas.”

Dean is fully awake by the time Cas lays him gently down on the bed. He gets up immediately, changes into pajamas and goes to the master bath to brush his teeth. Cas joins him at the sink, wearing just boxer briefs and one of Dean’s shirts. It barely covers his belly button.

“You can’t possibly be comfortable in that,” Dean mumbles with a mouth full of foamy toothpaste. “I don’t get why you’re still wearing my shirts to bed. I told you, you stretch them out and then I can’t wear them.”

Cas spits his own toothpaste into the sink and looks up at Dean through the mirror as he wipes his mouth. “Until the sleeves cut off circulation in my arms, I will keep wearing your shirts to bed.”

Dean pulls at the hem of one of the sleeves, pointing out where Cas snipped it with scissors. “Cheater.”

Once they’re in bed, Dean presses up against Cas’ side, throws one leg over him, buries his face in the crook of his neck, squeezes his butt.

“Finally,” Dean says against his skin. “I’ve been dying to touch you all day.”

Cas smiles and wraps an arm around Dean’s back, shoving his hand down his pants to grab his ass. “Yes, and you showed remarkable restraint by not touching me at all today.”

“C’mon, you know what I mean.”

Cas hums, thinking. “You don’t like having your attention divided. If you can’t focus fully on me, it feels like you’re being deprived of something.”

“Yeah.” Dean rolls completely on top of Cas and kisses the pocket of fat under his chin. “Don’t let it go to your head, though. It’s not like I’m, like, completely obsessed with you or something crazy like that.”

Cas smiles into a kiss, putting his hand to the side of Dean’s face to pull him down to his lips. Dean groans in the back of his throat and rolls his hips.

“Do you want to have sex?” Cas asks between their mouths, like he almost always does, because he has a take-it-or-leave-it attitude about sex and is perfectly content with any amount of physical contact with Dean, no matter how little. So he leaves it up to Dean: a person who needs to touch Cas so badly all the time that he feels like he’ll die if he doesn’t.

“No, not with us on baby duty,” Dean says. “Let’s just make out until I fall asleep.”

“Mm, that’s exactly what I fell from grace for.”

Dean laughs and pinches his shoulder, kisses the corner of his mouth. “Hey, you knew me when you fell. You knew what you were getting yourself into.”

Cas’ face softens. He rubs the pad of his thumb slowly across Dean’s cheek. “I did. I was willing to give up everything without ever even knowing what your lips feel like against mine. So, excuse me for thinking every second with you now is just icing on the cake.”

Dean blinks. “You’re getting better at food metaphors now that you eat so much.”

Cas allows him to trivialize the moment. He just simply smiles up at him as he wipes a tear from Dean’s face.

So Dean closes his eyes and kisses him, slowly, until he falls asleep.

-----

Dean wakes up to the sound of Raven crying over the baby monitor. She only cried once during the night, when she shapeshifted into a fat pale baby with brown eyes and thin hair and needed a bottle and a change before going back to sleep. Now it’s morning, and Dean blinks awake to the sunlight streaming onto his face. He’s on his stomach, arms wrapped around a pillow under his head, his skin unreasonably warm.

He shifts and feels Cas’ heavy arm draped across his back, his chubby hip squished against his side. Dean shuffles and turns, picking Cas’ arm up and kissing his hand before setting it on the bed and standing up.

Cas is also facedown on the bed, but instead of getting up, he burrows deeper and mumbles sleepily, “Start the coffee, please.”

Dean pinches a sliver of his love handle and leans down to kiss his cheek. “I’ll bring you a cup. Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

Cas snores softly in response.

It’s early. The house is dimly lit and quiet, and Dean takes his time changing and feeding Raven. When she’s done with her bottle, he puts her on his hip and carries her out to the back porch to listen to the birds. His phone rings.

“Yeah?” Dean answers.

“Hey,” Sam says. “So, uh.”

“Spit it out, Sam.”

“You know our new rule?”

“Not monsters until they act monstrous,” Dean says, his heart racing. “What happened?”

“Nothing too bad. It’s just that, uh, we think this pack of werewolves may have abandoned their, uh, young.”

“How old? How many?” Dean asks quickly.

“Twins. They’re small, Dean. Six months at most.”

Dean looks at Raven then at the garden in front of him. He thinks about Cas, about how wonderful of a father he is, about what he said yesterday. Then he says, “Well. Bring ‘em here if there’s no other option. We got the space.”