#every day that i'm unable to write eats me up inside

[luminitewrites]

A small (unedited) crumb of Sleuth Jesters Actor AU for you

Nobody let Moon drive or else

(Psst, @naffeclipse, I hope you don't mind that I've made the acting cast not quite like the characters they play)

[iouinotes]

Heroic betrayal | Luke Castellan (part 2)

SPOILER FOR PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS AND THE BOOKS

pairing: Luke Castellan x female!reader

show: Percy Jackson and the Olympians

warnings: heavy angst, smut

word count: 3,7k

summary: After Luke's betrayal, you try to hold yourself together in the camp. Everything was fine until you meet him again. Then everything collapses.

a/n: I thought I should write a second part. So, here it is!

Also, do you guys a) want the reader to join Luke or b) fight against him? I would love to write something, when the story continues!

part one here

"Princess" his voice is a whisper in the darkness. A distant call that appears from all directions, but cannot be traced back.

I want to move, but I can't. My eyes squint but I still can't see anything. It's cold here, even if I don't know where I am.

Goosebumps spread across my skin. It feels like I'm choking on air. Mist brushes my skin, or maybe it's someones fingertips.

My heart beats faster, my breathing becomes less stable and yet my feet don't move forward. I can't see him, but I know he's here.

In my head, in my thoughts, in my dreams.

Then I feel a dark presence behind me, a shiver runs down my spine, but when I turn my head there is only darkness.

"Come back to me" his voice makes me tremble. It's so disturbing, the calm he radiates. This sort of security that he carries with his words.

"I am here. I will always be here. With you." He won't let me go. Every day it dominates my thoughts, influences my actions, my attitude, my feelings.

I cant escape him, even in my sleep.

When I wake up I feel so drained, as if I hadn't even slept. I'm almost the last one to get up, my siblings' beds are mostly already deserted.

When I try to get up, I have to hold on to my bed, I feel weak on my feet. My head hurts, my thoughts are messed up and as I get dressed and look in the mirror, I see the dark circles under my eyes and the pale skin. The face that stares back, is almost foreign to me.

As I search through my closet, in the corner of my eyes I see the oversized, orange shirt that once belonged to him. And when I remember his voice from my dream, tears appear in my eyes and I try my best to suppress them.

I feel like I left my heart behind, when I ran away from that ship. I don't want to admit it, but deep down I know that the only reason my heart is still beating is because he is out there. And I hold onto the secret hope, that he will come back to me. Because now that he's gone - no, that he's left me, there's a hole in my chest.

Never in my life have I felt emptier, so abandoned and alone.

I am just a shell of a person who once existed. At least that's how it feels. Without him, I have nothing to live for. I'm only here because I can't let my family down, because I can't leave Percy after he tries every day his best to care for me. In the last few weeks he has been like a little brother, I would hate to hurt him with my absence. So I stay. Keep fighting, train the newbies, prepare everyone for war.

I don't do anything else. Get up, exercise, eat something even if I'm not hungry, go to sleep and then dream about him. I'm unfocused and it's obvious, no matter how hard I try not to show it.

As I step into the sunlight, warmth embraces me, but I still feel cold inside. I hold my chin up and greet some of my friends. I see pity in all of their eyes.

But they know better than to talk to me about it. I couldn't, even if I wanted to.

He left me, he betrayed the whole camp. My once wonderful, supportive lover.

He is gone.

I walk past the tables, keeping my gaze straight ahead. I don't want to stay and hear the laughter of the others, especially the Hermes cabin, when the centerpiece, that once hold everything together is missing.

I think about going to the training hall, even though my body hurts and I'm unable to hold a weapon the right way. Everything reminds me of him and it hurts so much. So much, that I want to hide away and sometimes when I can avoid responsibility, I'm staying in the woods. At the tree where I last hid, during our game. It's comforting me in a special way, even when all I can really do is cry.

When I secretly turn in this direction and head into the woods, I don't notice how blonde curls follow me.

As soon as I reach the place, my knees buckle and I fall to the ground. Just staring at the tree makes me almost immediately tear up.

If only he were here. If only he was with me.

I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder. But my reflexes suspend, as if they're asleep. I can't defend myself. Sometimes I think it would be better to escape this suffering.

Then I hear Percy's voice.

"Tough morning, huh? Mind, if I join you?" He is the only one, for unknown reasons, I can have close to me, when I feel vulnerable. With others, I always want to build a facade up, so that I don't look weak. But Percy doesn't make me feel weak, he just encourages me to feel. And I need that.

We sit in silence, I can't even count how many times he's seen me in this state. Yet he is still here.

"I'm really t-trying to hold it together but I- I can't. I can't live without him. It hurts." He keeps a distance from me, but him just being here is comforting.

At least it's one person who stayed.

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

I pour water on the last flames of the campfire and try my best to tidy the place up again. Chiron suggested, after the last, stressful days, that we play "Caputure the flag" again. And to no ones surprise, now that a driving force is gone, the Ares cabin won. So everyone celebrated, a banquet was held and everyone tried to ignore for this moment, that there is war ahead of us.

I was useless in the game, my mind was distracted and my hands were shaking. I was able to disarm a few people from the other team, but it wasn't nearly enough for it to really matter.

I'm on autopilot, I exist without really realizing it. Without really feeling anything.

Sometimes I can smile when Percy argues with Annabeth, like the clueless idiot he can be, because they both dont acknowledge their feelings for each other. Although it's actually very obvious how much they are drawn together, the trust they hold. It gives me some sort of comfort. At least the two of them will find their way to each other, if everything ends well.

Still, the happy moments are short-lived, because of the pain in my heart afterwards, which almost feels physical. Like a knife that keeps turning in the wound. As a reminder of what happened.

The day was exhausting, my eyes want to close on their own, but I hate seeing him in my dreams. He appears almost every night.

It's this fear that he's hiding, that he's lurking in the dark, like the monsters under your bed, that keep me from sleeping.

I would rather prefer the monster than him.

It's dark now, the clouds hide the stars and only the light in my lamp shows me my surroundings. I walk through the rows of benches and look over the square for a moment. It's so quiet here that it calms me down too.

Then I notice a hidden shadow at the edge of the forest, my muscles tighten and I lower my hand to grip the dagger in my pocket.

My heart beats fast, but before I can call someone, I see the outline of the person.

Tall, slim, confident.

Without any light, the person walks his way towards me, until he is so close, that I can see dark curls, a scar running across his face and the familiar eyes.

I blink. It feels like I'm losing my mind. I'm so shocked, I can't believe the sight of him. That he is actually here.

"No-" I hear myself whisper in fear. My voice is shaking.

"Y-you're not real. You are in my head. I'm just dreaming, you- you're not really here." But this time I'm not only hearing his voice, I also hear the sound of the lake and can actually see him. Can see every feature of his face and the desire in his eyes.

"Hello princess" It's all he says, but it's enough. I almost fall over as I take several steps back. The dagger presses into my leg.

Although there is so much I wanted to tell him, right now, I just want to disappear.

"Surprised to see me? My requests for you, to come back to me didn't work very well." The dreams. It really was him. Calling for me.

"I needed to see you." He says it as naturally as if I had last seen him yesterday. As if everything was normal. Like he was still my Luke.

I look around, trying to see if anyone else is awake, but everything is quiet.

To my horror, it feels like I can breathe properly again for the first time. As if he is part of the oxygen, which I need to survive. My heart is beating so fast, that I almost can't handle the feeling.

He moves towards me without hesitation or asking me for permission. He comes closer to me with every step he takes. My eyes widen and before I realise it, my body moves on his own and I'm holding my dagger to his neck.

But he doesn't move. He just looks at me. As if he knew my every thought and expected them all.

"There is the fire in you that I love so much. I was afraid it had extinguished." His voice. Deep and calming, it heals something within me that I thought was lost.

I can not think. It's a dream, it needs to be. I can only dream. He couldn't really be standing next to me.

The dagger in my hand is still directed to his neck, but his eyes are distracting me.

He distracts me from the real danger. Him.

His small smile leaves me trembeling and as his fingers slowly rise and brush my hair back, he leans forward despite my threating gesture.

I feel his lips against my ear. I inhale sharply, but I do nothing to move away from him. His hand moves lovingly along my arm, the touch feels as light as a feather.

"I knew you missed me, sweetheart." His hands begin to rub my back, finding their way to my neck to hold me tight against him. If I had any sense left in me, I would have pushed him away. Would have screamed and warned the camp.

But for the first time in all these months I feel alive again, feel at one with my heart. Because he is here. He holds all my love in his hands.

"Luke..." his name falls from my lips, it's like a blessing and torment at the same time. But more it feels like worship, like he's the only God I'm loyal to.

My mouth opens silently and I inhale his scent, as his lips brush against my cheeks. One of his hands pulls me closer to him, while the other one touches my face. His fingers stroke my lips, grabbing my chin and holding it up. Close to his own face.

I feel his breathing on my skin. My heart beats so fast that I almost vibrate with energy. I haven't felt so vivid in a long time.

Worse, I haven't felt so loved since he left.

"What do you want?" His lips ghost over my own, just a hint of what I could have.

"I-I want" I feel his smile, feel the butterflies that had died come back to life again. It's like his mere presence revives me.

His hands grip my waist, holding me tight to him, it makes my head float.

His lips brush my chin, leaving light kisses on my neck, making me feel desperate.

"Please, Luke-" The dagger falls from my hand and in the back of my mind, the noise of the weapon hitting the ground is like my death sentence.

But I pay no mind to that, my hands tangle into his hair and I try to stand on my tiptoes to reach him.

"You want me? Want me to kiss you?" Our foreheads touch. It's all forgotten, everything. Expect him. As if he had casted a spell in me to forget everything or maybe I just wanted to forget for that moment.

Then he kisses me.

And I think my consciousness left my body. I just want to be close to him, everything he gives, I will gladly take. His lips are hot against my own and a shiver runs through my body as his kisses become more possessive.

When he tries to pull away, I wrap my arms around him. A satisfied grin spreads across his face as he notices my desperation.

I just don't want him to disappear again.

He leaves several small kisses as if he was trying to summon me back to the real world, even though he obviously enjoys that I lose myself in him. He chuckles darkly, but it doesn't help me to clear my head. Almost immediately he lets his tongue graze my lower lip, asking to be let in.

His hands wander under my shirt and absentmindedly loosen my tight pants. When his fingers stroke my clothed middle, I moan silently. The sound echoes between our bodies and his tongue slides into my mouth, exploring every familiar spot. It almost takes all my breath away.

I feel a wetness forming in my underwear, the touch of his fingers alone isn't enough.

"You feel that? That pussy missed me too. Bet, you must have felt so empty without me. Don't worry, I'll make sure this never happens again."

Without warning me, he slides his fingers into my underwear and begins stroking slowly to tease me. His thumb presses against my clitoris with a delicious pressure, his mouth swallowing the sound that escapes me.

"God, I love seeing you like this. So fucking sweet and unable to resist me." His other hand slides to my face, touching my nose, lingering over my lips and tapping them.

Without thinking, I open my mouth, one of his finger sneaks in and presses decisively on my tongue. My head feels like it's floating in the middle of nowhere.

"That's how I like you, always so responsive. I'll take care of you, love. You'll feel so good in no time."

Then he pushes me against the large dining table and lifts me onto it. I open my eyes, see his blurry face infront of me and whimper slightly, when his hand leaves my pants.

"Shhh, my darling. I have something better planned for you."

He helps me take off my pants, my hips lift in support, and when the air hits my heated skin, I get goosebumps.

His fingers stroke my thighs and as he makes eye contact with me, he lowers himself to his knees. His lips gently touch the inner side of my thighs, he kisses along them until he hovers over my center. He grins deviously as he runs his tongue over the small piece of clothing, my eyes flutter and all I can hear is my heavy breathing.

His finger strokes me for a moment until he finally hooks one at the top of my underwear and slowly pulls them down my legs. It disappears into the dark, but judging by the rustling, he put it in his own pocket.

I look down at him, see his shining eyes and the adoring expression. Before I can say anything, he lowers his head and licks through my folds. His hands rest on my thighs, the grip so strong that it grounds me. My hands reach into his locks.

His nose brushes against my clitoris, and when a scream tries to escape me, I put my hand over my mouth.

The feeling of his tongue is so intense that all my thoughts focus on these movements. I let my hips press against his face in circular motions, my mouth hanging open as he continues pleasuring me with his tongue.

Then suddenly his mouth leaves me for a moment, he rises slightly and when I'm about to complain, he sinks a finger into me. My eyes almost roll back.

"Shut your pretty mouth and let me do my thing, understand?" I nod, but his finger feels so good, that I can't register all of his words. He shuckles.

"I don't think I've done a good job yet, if you can still concentrate. We have to change that, right?" His second finger pushes into me and makes scissoring movements, small muffled noises leave my mouth.

His other hand wanders across my stomach to my breasts until it it grasps my neck and squeezes lightly, a moan escapes me.

Then I hear his dark voice above me.

"If I could I would destroy you, God the things you do to me-" His mouth sucks a hickey on my neck, if he wanted to, he could probably break any resistance in me with just a few more movements of his lips.

His hand wanders down my sides. As I mess up his hair, he grabs my hands and pushes them onto the table.

A third finger is inserted into me and I feel a growing tight feeling inside me. It's getting darker around us and as I start to look for the lamp, he pinches my nipples under my shirt.

I whine in response. "It's getting dark, I-I only want to see you." For a moment his movements stop inside me and he just looks at me. His eyes so loving, that it almost makes my heart explode.

Then he pushes back my hair, which has come loose from my hair band and his hand cups the back of my head. Pushing my face forward a little, his lips linger on my forehead for a moment.

The butterflies in my stomach feel like they're going crazy. Probably because he drives me insane.

When he pulls back, he looks at me like I'm the only one who exists in this world.

It feels like our souls are coming together again.

His hand, which is still under my shirt, starts massaging my breasts and I breathe heavily, enjoying the gentle pulling and kneading of his hands.

"Take off my clothes, princess." My hands come up from the table to undo his belt, I pull his pants down a little and stroke his clothed member. He hisses quietly and pulls my shirt over my head, leaving me in my bra which he quickly undoes.

He kisses my breasts and leaves a trail down to my stomach. His hot breath makes me dizzy. When I pull down his underwear and grasp his member properly, he lifts his head. Heavy breaths escape him as I continue to stroke him and touch his tip with my thumb.

I see him shaking, but then his lips are on mine again and he's kissing me hot. His hand grasps my own and releases it from him, his fingers burying themselves in my hair to steer my head.

I look at him with glassy eyes.

"Come here" he whispers, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulls me towards him. His tip lingers over my entrance, his precum dripping onto me.

"Want you-" my voice is quiet but desperate. I'm sure I look like a complete mess.

"You want to be fucked, hmm? Are you sure you deserve it?" I nod like a complete idiot, but I don't care anymore.

His cock brushes against my entrance and as I try to push myself onto him, he holds my hips firmly.

Then he whispers "Would you let someone else fuck you? Allow someone to see you like that? Be willing to do anything just to get a cock? Would you?" He sinks into me so slowly that I can feel every vein. My head becomes heavy.

"Oh I know how quickly you get lost in your head, darling. But do you still know that it's me who fucks you so well?" His first powerful thrust leaves me unable to breathe, my hands desperately clinge to his shoulders.

"I think you should prove to me that you are only mine. Am I right?" I nod, trying my best to concentrate, but he's filling me so well.

"O-only you" at my words, he starts to move faster.

"That's right, princess. Only mine. Mine to fuck, mine to keep."

I drop my head onto his shoulder and moan, the feeling so good that I can only focus on it. His hand wraps around my waist and pushes me onto him, his thrusts increasing in force.

"S-so good...Luke, you f-feel so good"

"You dont get to come now, are you listening to me? You're going to pull yourself together and be a good girl." I whine, feel my eyes watering and I try to ignore the growing feeling in my stomach.

"Because if you don't listen to me, then the gods help you, I won't stop anytime soon." My hand grasps his neck and I try to make eye contact.

"Just a little more and you'll be where I want you. Hold on, princess" he slows down, looking into my eyes and cupping my neck. Fucking me slowly.

My mouth opens, but no words leave me. The brown of his eyes almost devours me. He hits a place deep inside me that only he can reach and my head begins to spin, I become almost boneless in his grip. I hear his voice in my ear, like an incantation.

"You are so good to me, darling. Just a little more-"

Then suddenly, my vision becomes blurry and I feel every touch of his, every fingertip, every strand of hair that brushes against me and the thrusts of his cock even more intense. My surroundings falls silent, I just lie in his arms and don't want anything else.

"I got you. Want to be good? Then come for me." So I let his hands work magic, they squeeze my clit and almost make me scream. His thrusts become more rough, his breathing ragged. My skin feels like it's on fire, my fingernails scratch his back.

"Just like that, darling. Do you feel how well I fill you up? You just need me, you hear me? Remember that in your pretty head. Only I am important. You just have to believe me."

With these words I come. His lips press against mine and it feels like he's stealing my soul. I can't bring myself to fight it.

When he comes too, I feel his seed inside me, feel him pushing it further into me. It almost makes me come a second time.

He pauses in his movements, placing kisses all over my skin. His fingers trace over me, shaping hearts and stars like those above us.

I feel so happy as we silently look at each other. I can't stop myself from saying the words out loud.

"I love you."

When I think he's about to kiss me, he pulls away. Drops his hands and just looks at me. I feel my heart sink painfully in my chest. The feeling makes me despair.

"You do?" My eyebrows furrow, I suddenly feel very exposed in front of him. I take my top and pull it over my head. His eyes follow my movements.

"Because you can only have one, princess. Me or them. You decide." It takes me a moment to remember, to realize that we are still in camp. To remember why things are the way they are.

Before I can say anything, he speaks again.

"Are you happy? Now that I'm here? Can you honestly say that you wouldn't change your mind if you could? Because, that's why I'm here, this time you can choose right. You can choose me."

"Luke, I want to choose you. I would always choose you. But I can't choose what you dedicated your life to. I cannot commit myself to the evil."

"You think I'm evil? You really think I'm doing the wrong thing? The gods are the ones who don't know any better. Who abandon their children. You are on their side, even though they themselves deceive and manipulate each other?" I always knew Luke hated the gods. That he blames them and especially his father for all the suffering. For every pain he had to go trough, even when he was still so young.

He takes another step towards me. I stand still, only watching him come closer again.

"You are naive if you think the gods care about anything other than themselves. They are deceitful, egoistic beings who must be destroyed. Then everything can start again, the world is better off without them. Being loyal to Kronos is the only way to ever be free."

I shake my head.

"Kronos will plunge everything into darkness, how can you not notice? It's worse than anything we could ever imagine. Luke, he doesn't want the happiness of his followers, he just wants power."

"So am I. You always knew that."

"No. I knew life wasn't easy for you. But I never thought you would give up everything just to get revenge."

"I didn't give up everything, just what was necessary. I will never give up on you, otherwise why am I here? I want you to come with me."

His hands cup my cheeks and look into my eyes. His one shine with desperation. As his request hangs like a weight over my shoulder, I feel everything inside me tighten.

He will leave me again.

"You...could stay? We'll be able to sort it out together, you can still make up your mind. Or let's escape, let's get away from here. Where nobody knows us."

"Princess, I want everyone to know who I am and what I've done to get there. I'm not hiding and you shouldn't be either. You dont achieve Glory that way."

"I'd rather be a loser than die. Because that will happen, if you continue to serve Kronos. How can you not know that the bad guys always lose?"

I look into his eyes. He is so close to me and yet so far away. It kills me.

"Because I won't lose. I never lose. And I won't lose you either."

[criminalskies]

ROME!! I’m so happy you’re back! I was worried for a hot minute there 😂

I have kind of a strange request, but I was wondering if you’d be able to do a Hotch x BAU FemReader based on the song Walk Me Home by P!nk?

I thought it could be really fitting if they just back from a difficult case or something. I know it’s kind of a different request, so no pressure of course! I just love your writing and thought I’d ask :)

WALK ME HOME.

Word count: 3.3k.

Pairing: aaron hotchner x fem!reader

Author's note: ** this is not proofread, I just assaulted my keyboard with this song in mind. Hopefully the message shines through!** I love this idea! and I'm so happy you've found me again sweetheart

Tags: @montyfandomlove , @ssamorganhotchner , @hotchnerbau , @hotchs-babygirl , @beehive16 , @canuck-eh , @pastanoodles11

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Hotch sits in his office at the BAU with his head in his hands. The team had just landed from a child abduction case in Oregon, and up against a ticking clock, they were unable to save the last victim. Little Charlie Parker. Hotch looks down at his hands, hating the tinge of red he can see staring back at him that he knows isn’t really there. He was the one trying to keep the little boy’s blood inside his body as Morgan screamed for a Medic, having shot the unsub down. Most of the team went out to drink and dance their sorrows away, a few of them electing to just trudge home to bed. But Hotch couldn’t peel himself out of his chair. He couldn’t go home to his house full of Jack’s toys, scattered just like they had been in Charlie’s room after he was taken. Knowing he was never to return and that his blood is on Hotch’s hands is eating away at him. He resolves to finish all the paperwork tonight, hoping he’ll never have to think about this day again afterwards. 

He’s halfway through his casualty report, the words beginning to blur together when your soft knock against his office door pulls him from his trance. 

“Yes. Y/N?” He prompts you, trying very hard to pull his face into his usual frown and hide the storm clouds swirling behind his eyes. You’re always a bright spark in this office, he would hate to dull your sparkle with his own all-consuming darkness he can feel brewing in his heart, beginning to circulate his body, he hides the way he can feel his every artery beginning to pulsate with the familiar, dull aches of disappointment and fear. 

“I just wanted to bring you something comforting.” You saunter over to his desk, placing a steaming hot cup of tea before him. “I hope you don’t mind, I was just watching you from my desk and, well. You look like you could use a friend, right about now. But you’re busy, so a nice drink will have to do.” Hotch notices you fiddling with the hem of your skirt as you offer him a worried smile, you’re trying to take care of him. His chest warms at the realization but his mind flips the switch on him.

“My youngest agent, new to the field, is trying to look out for me? I think these things are supposed to go the other way, agent Y/L/N.” He doesn’t miss the flash of worry behind your eyes that you think you’ve overstepped. He sees you take your wrist in your other hand, squeezing it to stop its trembling. “I appreciate you looking after me. Very much. Thank you.” He tries quickly to reassure you that he’s not insulted, in fact, it’s quite the opposite. He feels rather flattered to know you think about him enough to want to help. It isn’t often people take it upon themselves to care for their boss. 

“It’s nothing, really. But Hotch, it’s past midnight, are you planning on sleeping in your own bed tonight?” His head whips down to look at his watch, he has no idea how three hours had gone by working on a report that should never take him longer than one hour, he lets out a sigh he hopes you don’t hear and rubs a hand over his brow, attempting to smooth it. “You don’t want to go home, do you?” Hotch really hates working with profilers when he’s waging war in his own mind. You can always see straight through him. You’ve only been here a few months but already you can read the stoic leader like an open book. He’s much too tired to keep up an act that’s anywhere near believable, so he settles on telling you the truth, or at least half the truth. 

“I’m not looking forward to it, no.” He keeps his eyes trained on his pen in his hand instead of on you. He can bear to show you this much of himself, but he’s not sure he can handle seeing the pity flood your eyes when he does. When you don’t reply, instead moving around the room, he’s forced to look up. But he doesn’t see pity or even sadness behind your eyes, instead he finds resolve. You’re packing his manila folders into his briefcase neatly, ensuring you mark where he had them open to with a clip. “What’s happening?” He hates how small his voice sounds, but he’s far too tired to analyze why you’re packing his desk up at this hour.

“We’re gonna go home, Hotch.” He tries to blink away his confusion, his mouth falling open and closing again as he tries to find the right words to ask. “Calm down, honey, I don’t mean it like that. But we’re gonna go to my place. I can’t let you sleep on this couch. You’ll be grumpy with us all week because your back is more kinked than a pretzel. Consider this a public service.” Hearing you call him honey and express your concerns for his chiropractic health are doing nothing to aid his fried brain. He still can’t summon any coherent words to combat your accusations of him being grumpy. 

“Okay.” He mentally smacks his head on his desk for being reduced to such a bumbling idiot so quickly by you, but it is getting late and he hasn’t slept well all week. He’ll let this slide. You can’t help but think how adorable he looks with his jaw slack with surprise and his thick lashes batting at you in his tired state. You go to his coat rack, bringing his coat over to him and helping him get an arm in each sleeve, you carry his briefcase out for him. He feels himself following you as if he’s floating above his weary feet. He elects not to worry yet about the fact that he’s only known you three months and yet he would probably follow you anywhere you ask. 

You lead him to the elevator, pressing the button for the ground floor. 

“Aren’t we going home? We should go to the parking garage, then.” You swat Hotch’s hand away as he reaches to press P1. 

“No, silly. I only live a ten minute walk away. I don’t drive here unless there’s a thunderstorm outside.” Hotch’s eyebrows shoot up at the realization he’s been  unknowingly letting his new recruit walk herself home in the dark so late at night, when your place is on the way to his. How could he have never offered you a ride home? He never noticed you don’t bring your car keys or ride up from the parking levels with him in the mornings. 

“Oh, of course. Well then, I’m glad I can walk with you. I wouldn’t want you alone this time of night in the city.” Hotch doesn’t miss the way a hue of pink works its way up your cheeks, warming your face. 

“You’re not walking me home, Hotchner. I’m walking you home. Come on” the doors ping open to the ground floor and you take him by the hand, leading him out of the elevator. His eyes are glued to you as you smile at the security guards, giving them a wave. Clearly, this isn’t your first time leaving after midnight, if you’re this friendly with the guards. Then again, he muses, maybe this is just the way you are with people. You care for everybody so genuinely, so fully. You offer people nothing short of your full attention. As you push open the front doors of the building, feeling the cool night air dance around the two of your bodies, Hotch’s attention is drawn to his large hand in your smaller one. He can feel the darkness that wanted to overtake him earlier pooling away from your touch, the light in your body warding off the shadows in his. 

He wipes his other hand against his coat, still thinking he can now see that red tint under the dim streetlights. You must have felt his grip on your own hand tighten as you turn to look at him. He looks at the ground, not wanting you to see the waves of guilt crashing over him as he visualizes Charlie’s lifeless body on the pavement, he can feel the wet crimson blood on his hands, pooling between his fingers as- 

“Hey. What’s going on in there?” You bring your hand holding his briefcase up to point at his temple. 

“I just can’t stop thinking about the case. If we’d gotten the address even five minutes earlier, we could’ve saved Charlie. I could’ve-”

“No, Hotch.” You stop, dead in your tracks, grabbing his lapel in your fist to shake some sense into him. “There was nothing we could have done. We didn’t kill that boy. Harry Mulligan did. He would have done the same exact thing the moment he realized we had him surrounded, whether we were five minutes earlier or five hours earlier. He was a sadist and he would never have let Charlie escape that unharmed. Hotch, we did everything that we could.” You let go of his lapel, smoothing your hand over it now. “You did everything you could, Aaron. Everything. Because of your quick thinking that man is never going to be able to harm another child again.” Hotch finally looked down at you when you used his first name, seeing not one flicker of doubt on your face. You really believed what you were saying, and he trusts your opinion. He nods his head, closing his eyes. You can see he’s biting back tears as he lets out the first full breath since he set foot into the unsub’s home. 

Hotch’s breath gets caught in his throat as he feels your arms encircle his waist, the side of your face colliding with his chest. He brings his arms up around you as well. You barely hear his quiet ‘thank you’ whispered into your hairline as the two of you stand there for a moment, basking in each other’s comfort, before you break away from him, keeping one arm tucked around him, you sniff and start walking, pulling the man beside you. He keeps his arm around you as well, choosing to deal with the professional repercussions of physically embracing his employee tomorrow. For now, the two of you need some sleep. 

Aaron breathes in deeply, smelling fresh cut grass from the gardens outside your neighboring apartment building as he decides to let himself enjoy something nice for once, and not turn it over and over in his mind until his image of it becomes twisted and dark. He’s going to let a good thing be. He’s going to let someone help him. Of course, he’ll do everything in his power to return the favor to you in turn, but for now, he’s just going to bask in the light you’re offering him, instead of crawling back to the darkness. 

You open the door to your apartment, switching on the lights and running into action to pick up some stray takeaway containers and a discarded t-shirt off the couch and coffee table. “Sorry for the mess” you say, embarrassed that your perfectionist boss who definitely neatly irons and folds his underwear – is seeing your messy apartment. 

“Don’t be, Y/L/N. It’s perfect.” He looks around, seeing all your colorful paintings and plant pots, with lush greenery around the space, he breathes in the beautiful floral smell from your diffuser as you flutter about the space, switching on all your warm lamps, which cast the most beautiful, soft light around the rooms. He wonders how it is that your place feels twice as homely as his own house does these days, and this is only his first ever time setting foot inside of it. That’s just the person you are, he supposes. You’re the kind to always have out fresh cut flowers in the living room, fresh baked cookies in the kitchen, you’re never unprepared to make someone feel warm and welcomed. It only seems fitting that your apartment is the same. 

“Okay. Well, I have a guest bedroom, which has blankets, spare pillows, toothbrush, razors, some drinks in the mini fridge, face masks, anything you need, really. It’s right this way.” You start down the hallway, flicking on more salt lamps, illuminating more and more of your very warm welcoming home. The guest room is no exception, evidently stocked with everything a guest could want, the bed looks so inviting, the plush linen pulled back, ready for Aaron to just climb in and rest his weary bones. 

“This is amazing, thank you.” He turns to look you in the eyes, hoping you can see the enormity of his gratitude that you invited him here, and didn’t leave him to sleep on his child-sized government issued couch - if you can even call it that, it’s about as plush and comfortable as a wooden coffee table. 

“No worries at all, Hotchner. I’ll see you in the morning. But I’m the first door on the left down the hall if you need anything. Goodnight, boss.” Hotch never realized you’re the only person he lets call him Hotchner, because it doesn’t grate at him when you say it the way it does with everyone else. He tries to ignore the pang in his heart when you say goodbye, he supposes it’ll still be nicer to know you’re nearby than it would be to sleep by himself at home but still, he wishes you could be with him. So he doesn’t feel so alone. 

“What’s wrong?” You enquire. Crap. He forgot to respond. Ever the open book, Hotch must not have covered his disappointment well. You can see straight through him, as usual. He feels almost naked under your gaze, but even that doesn’t make him uncomfortable. He feels more safe and more warm, even virtually stripped naked before you than he would feel fully clothed in a padded cell. He knows he trusts you implicitly, you wouldn’t even need to say jump before he would ask how high. 

“Nothing, I just. It’s silly, really. Goodnight, Y/N.” He turns towards the ensuite to go clean his teeth and hopefully escape your leveling stares. 

“Hotch, I don’t think you’re capable of doing anything silly. Please, tell me.” He stops in his tracks, he’s unable to deny you anything when you plead with him like that. 

“Well… I just don’t think I can handle being alone, not tonight.” His eyes search yours for any sign of discomfort, but he sees your lips form a smile, one that grows until it reaches your eyes, and he hopes you don’t find his admission funny.

“I understand, truthfully I don’t think I can either, I’ll just go change into my pj’s, I’ll be two minutes, tops.” You pad down the hall, an extra spring in your step as Hotch smiles to himself, peeling the layers back from the bed and discarding some of the throw pillows on the armchair in the corner. You return in an oversized barbie t-shirt and some red plaid pajama pants, holding a similar set of clothes out for him. He takes them with a soft ‘thank you’ 

“I’d wait to thank me, Hotchner. Go try them on, first.” He pads into the bathroom, closing the door and taking off his suit before realizing what you meant. He emerges donning his care-bears tee which is even a little oversized on him, and the blue pants which stop a little high on his ankles, but he was able to adjust the drawstring so they hang nicely off his hips. 

You have to cover your hands with your mouth to hide your giggle at the sight of your rugged, handsome boss now rocking a bedtime-bear pajama set in your guest room, but Hotch, ever the good sport, gives you a sad twirl, letting you take him in. 

“I’d better not find any nanny cam footage of this in Garcia’s batcave tomorrow, Y/L/N.” You let out a breathy laugh as you climb into the far side of the bed, taking the side closest to the door. Hotch tries to push down the warmth erupting in his chest both at the sound, and at your gesture since sleeping by the door is normally a courtesy he’ll extend to any roommates on cases, knowing that if anyone were to enter the room, he would be the first in harm’s way. He climbs into his side of the bed, letting out a long yawn. 

“Goodnight, Hotchner.” You whisper, turning out the bedside lamp and rolling to face him, the room is still illuminated from the lamp in the far end of the hall, just enough for you to see his eyes searching yours.

“Goodnight, Y/N. Thank you for walking me home.” He whispers back. He hears you shiver as a draft enters the room, and he finds himself reaching out to pull you into him before he can think to stop it. He breathes a sigh of relief when you nuzzle into his side, tucking one arm under his waist, another underneath him against the mattress, and one of your legs becomes tangled in his own. 

“Someone has to take care of you, Hotch. Everybody needs a little care and kindness, even the bossman. Thank you for letting me take care of you.” Hotch feels his eyes welling up as he realizes he hasn’t been held like this, so close to another person, like he’s small and delicate – in a long time. Actually, he’s never been held like this, he feels your fingertips running over his stomach, soothing his worries away. The hot bubbling feeling of never being enough seems to melt away under your touch. He clenches his jaw, willing his sobs to die in his throat before you have to hear him reduced to a blubbering mess by you. He feels a salty tear stream out of his eye and into his ear, but a hand reaches out to wipe away its trail. He catches your gaze, looking at him so tenderly. You shift in the bed so you’re higher up than he is, and you pull his head onto your chest, letting him listen to your heartbeat, loud and strong. His tears keep streaming onto your shirt as he fists at some of the fabric, he was unaware how much bottled-up emotion he had just below the surface, but you’ve let it all pour out of him. Your hands rub up and down his back, as you press kisses to his crown. He can hear you whispering reassurances against his hair as his breaths begin to even out again, his choked gasps becoming half breaths. He falls asleep in your embrace, completely vulnerable in your arms, and he gets the most restful night of sleep he’s had in months. Pressed tightly against you, you hold him like he’s small and delicate because he is. You helped pull down his concrete walls he had surrounded himself with in recent years, revealing the scared, lonely little boy within. One who does need to be held, to be loved. To be shown kindness and warmth. He may not have been able to save the little boy in the field today. But you saved the little boy in Aaron. You showed him that even with all the wrong going on outside, he doesn’t have to march through it all alone. 

[noisyquokka]

Lifetimes Before

PAIRING - Chan x GN!Reader

SYNOPSIS - Sometimes all your soul needs is a quiet night with your Lover, something that always feels familiar to you that you can't quite put a finger on.

WORDCOUNT - 2k

WARNINGS - Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, dancing with this man under the stars? sign me up!!

A/N - I've had this idea stuck in my head for a while now, so I thought I'd finally get it out. Giggled, kicked my feet, twirled my hair whilst writing this and now I wish I could dance with my girlfriend... Anyway Happy Chan day, everybody!!🥰🎉

The wood creaks beneath your weight as you descend the staircase, halting at the second-last step and leaning over the railing. You scan the open space in search of your Lover, ears perking at the melody floating about the first floor. Something far older than the two of you, with elements of blues, swing, big band. A man with the vocals of silk and lace, a warm embrace. Nat King Cole. It's a record you're familiar with, one you can imagine your grandparents listening to in their late 20s. It's something that fits a quiet Sunday evening, the spices from a homecooked meal wafting through the house as the family sits down to eat. Something that fits this quiet Sunday evening.

The chosen vinyl spins on the turntable, soundwaves moving you like nothing else can. You skip down the last few steps, turning towards the back patio with a furrowed brow. There's a faint glow shining through the door's glass, fighting its way through the sheer curtains hanging from them; a pathetic excuse for privacy. But you find the golden glow of a sunset too good to pass up most days, the rays bleeding through the hallway, running up the walls like untamed flames in a campfire.

Ah, that glow… one of crackling wood and all-encompassing heat.

A smile pulls at the corners of your lips, your slippers padding across the runner in the hall as you pull the door open. Chan's back is to you, tending to the fire in the freestanding pit. Daylight is fading, the tree tops along your property rimmed in the amber glow of late Summer. The northern breeze assaults the fabric on your person, greeting the bare skin beneath with a sweet kiss of chills. You step out anyway, patio bricks smooth underfoot, and clear your throat. The man's shoulders tense only for a moment, straightening up as he turns to you. That familiar look of affection adorns his face.

"So what's this, then?" You gesture to the fire, the buzzing stereo inside. It's romantic beyond measure, and even as you know the events that are about to unfold, you play coy. "You call me down here for what, exactly?"

"Leave the door open," He says, waving you over with a wag of his fingers. You oblige, unable to hold back your smile as you close in on the sight before you. The mess of curls atop his head move with him, his focus on nothing else but you as you cross the space from the entrance to the patio. The closer you get, the wider Chan's smile gets until you're greeted by those dimples, the fire light washing over the elusive divots as he turns back to the horizon awash in a blaze of vibrant hues. Orange, violet, yellowish-pink.

You stop behind him, feeling the warmth of the fire spill over the broadness of his shoulders. He chuckles when your arms slink around his waist, tightening as you rest your cheek at the space between his shoulder blades. You take a deep breath, closing your eyes. The patio door sways open further with the breeze, the sound of the stereo mingling with the crackles and pops of dry wood. It's almost like the sands in the hourglass stop out here, every single time. If only…

Chan's fingers slip under one of your hands, linking your fingers together to pull you around to his side. The song that's playing ends, and you recognize the next instantly. Those fingers squeeze around yours in a nonverbal question, and Chan follows up with a verbal one.

"May I?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"I'm just being a gentleman." He insists, pulling you closer with a gentle hand. His other hand settles at your waist, taking the lead in this three-step on this chilly evening. And you follow with no complaints, bringing your opposite hand up to rest on his shoulder. Nat King Cole begins his silken performance from inside.

Three little words,

Oh what I'd give for that wonderful phrase,

To hear those three little words,

That's all I'd live for the rest of my days,

His grip on you is firm but comfortable, there to keep you close even as he knows you're not going anywhere. The two of you ease into that familiar swing and sway, so used to being soul partners in this backyard oasis where the only wandering eyes are the wildlife that slinks through the shadows and the stars that have yet to make their appearance tonight. Moving together as one, sharing the same space as Chan pulls you in so your back is to his chest.

And what I feel in my heart,

They tell sincerely,

No other words can tell it half so clearly,

His voice rumbles in his chest, swaying you back and forth as he softly serenades you in his arms. You're smiling, lashes fluttering at such a serene and calming voice, the lyrics carrying you on wings of sound as you step in time with the music. And oh, does that voice hold nothing but the strongest affection for the one he's singing to. It erupts butterflies within your chest.

Chan unfurls you from his embrace, your fingers interlocking again as you step backward, shifting your weight to your left foot and coming back to center. It's hard not to smile, something so natural to the both of you - a waltz between two Lovers in firelight as your bodies flow like a river - when you've been here a number of times. The instrumentals fill the air between you both, floating out of the warmly lit home and into the night. 

Three little words,

Eight little letters,

Which simply mean I love you.

Chan's voice fills your ears again as he spins you around the patio, the chill creeping under your shirt. Even so, you feel nothing but warmth radiating from the man that's swinging you around like this is the most fun he's had in all his lifetimes. He pushes you away, shifting his left foot back before strong arms are pulling you back into him. Your laughter echoes through the trees, and you let your head fall back in bliss. You bite your lip as he presses a kiss to your chin.

"Am I doin' this right?" His breath is soft on your neck, arms slipping to the small of your back while yours find their resting place at his shoulders. You're much too close to properly dance, so Chan guides you into a slow and simple sway, shifting your weight from your left foot to your right.

"You're the dancer, Christopher," You reply, tilting your head to lock eyes with the man, "shouldn't you know?" A soft smile takes over your lips as you let your eyes linger on his in the warmth of the fire.

"I was referring to my execution," He gestures to the romantic setting he'd created with a smirk. "but from the look on your face, I'm guessing I've done alright."

You chuckle, blinking as your fingers find the hair at the nape of his neck. Your gaze flits around the backyard, seemingly judging the choices he'd made. The wind kicks up now, rustling the changing leaves that sway along their branches with you two below. The flames crackle with the intrusive whispers of air, embers glowing as they travel on the wind's current like fireflies. Your focus come back to those warm amber eyes, licking your lips.

"I'd say so." You murmur, leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Chan grins at that, lifting you with ease and twirling you around, the two of you moving in a smooth circle. You squeal at his movements, eyes wide for the slightest second as the pads of your fingers dig into his shoulders. But then you hear him giggle and you're being brought back down just enough that his lips can find yours. You hum contentedly into the kiss, lashes fluttering against your ever heating cheeks.

And what I feel in my heart,

They tell sincerely,

No other words can tell it half so clearly,

He sets you back to your feet and without missing a beat, you're back in step with little effort. Your body moves in time with Chan's and his with yours, each step blending into the next. The intuitive tells and the way you understand each other's bodies is an artform, with a level of cohesion that defies all logic. Like two halves of a whole, your souls intertwined in a way that's otherworldly. Attuned to the natural rhythm of one another, every step, every touch. It's something learned over lifetimes. It's an enchanting feeling; an experience you could live in for eternity if only you get to experience it with his soul in every single life beyond this one.

Three little words,

Eight little letters,

Which simply mean I love you,

He spins you away again, lyrics dancing on the tip of his tongue. The man's voice is like a soft, melodic lullaby, it's smooth and soothing tones washing over you. The breeze and the fire craft a tranquil and romantic atmosphere as you sway your hips with the music. The flames cast a glow across Chan's face, dancing over bare skin as he draws you back into him, foreheads bumping softly. He brings a hand up to cup your cheek, thumb brushing fervently at the warm skin. Time moves slowly in this moment, lasting an eternity as you breathe each other in. You could've sworn this song is only about two minutes long.

"Simply mean I love you."

He sings the last line softly, a wide grin taking over his face. You mirror that grin, unable to hold back as your heart beats heavy in your chest. Two pairs of eyes stare for a long moment, taking in every feature, every imperfection, everything. Nothing but a heart palpitating love in those gazes, melting into one another. There's love.

"I love you."

It's said at the same time, soft chuckles vibrating through warm chests. His breath lightly fans over your cheeks, the hand at your back coming to rest at your hip. He tilts your head up just enough, the softness of his lips meeting yours in another gentle kiss. You're still slightly swaying as the next song plays in the background, your senses tuned into him as you feel the chill on your skin, the scent of burning wood, the taste of Chan's lips on yours.

You dance until the fire begins to die, your bodies intertwined and foreheads resting against each other. Until the vinyl is finished playing, giving way to the chorus of night insects that still sing this close to the start of Autumn. The embers burn away, cooling into white ash as starlight takes over, the moon's soft luminescence illuminating the two of you. And even after all is quiet, you stay in Chan's arms, the warmth of his skin and his voice a gentle comfort.

You know you have work in the morning, but enveloped in your Lover's arms, you don't see yourself finding the willpower to rush back inside to go to bed. Not when everything feels as it should. Heartbeats in sync, two souls sharing such a profound connection that poets of old could only weave into the fabric of humanity's web with their weathered scribes.

You see their gazes now, in the twinkling of the stars above, beautiful and serene. A creation all their own. The scene brings a smile to their shimmering faces, that you know every inch of the man beside you. Every inch of his body, every movement, every sound. There is nothing that Chan does that you don't already know. Your love runs deeper than flesh and bone, deeper than the vastness of galaxies. It's a love that runs to the very essence of your two souls. A love that has lasted lifetimes before this one and will last for lifetimes after.

The hours pass, but you don't rush back inside to sleep. There is no hurry, no need. 

You are where you're supposed to be, in the arms of the man you love.

Psst!! If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my work 💕 I appreciate you!

[ezwezz]

GIRLY PLEASE MAKE A YUNJIN X FEMREADER FIC w angst n cheating 🙏🙏🙏

why do you want me to hurt you bby!? gonna be sobbing while writing this

also! i'm sort of winging it with the format and scenario so hopefully it's adequate enough

'i love you'

parings: huh yunjin x fem!reader warnings: cheating, ANGST words: 1k

"i love you more than anything, y/n, no matter what."

yunjin's words from last summer were replaying over and over inside your head. you didn't know what warranted the sentimental flashback, it was just a normal tuesday night spent laying alone, staring into the darkness looming above you. perhaps you just needed the comfort.

you hadn't seen yunjin for 1 month now. the throbbing inside your heart had dulled down and you were left with a familiar emptiness spattered with the occasional 'i miss you baby' or 'sorry for not replying, i've been so busy :('.

you knew yunjin's career came with extortionate sacrifice on both ends, but loving her was all you needed. you'd loved her for two years now, despite the constant hurt of her absence.

"i love you more than anything....no matter what." you whispered the sentence. she'd looked so beautiful while saying it- her earnest brown eyes and furrowed brows as she gently cupped your face, the warmth of her body against yours. it was a fleetingly perfect moment, nothing could compare. you wondered if yunjin thought about it as much as you these days.

---

incoming call: yunijn

"y/n?"

"hey jen, everything okay?"

"baby listen, no matter what you see or what you hear, you have to trust me, i love you. never forget that."

"i love you too...but why are you saying this? has something happened?"

there was silence on the other end of the line. you knew something was wrong and it made your heart pound at an unsteady pace.

"yunjin...what did you do?" your voice sounded small.

"i'm sorry..." there was a quiet sob on the other end of the line, and you immediately knew. in that moment, your entire world came crashing down. everything you'd sacrificed for the woman you loved submerged you, drowned you, it tore you apart.

"i'm not going to ask for your forgiveness..." yunjin's voice drifted into the background as your mind swirled into a messy flurry of emotion. you struggled to comprehend what this meant, grappling with your own feelings, trying to figure out exactly how you felt.

"i'll talk to you later jen." you whispered before ending the call and allowing the tears to cascade down your cheeks. she couldn't even be there to face you herself, you resented her for being able to throw away your relationship like it was nothing.

---

sure enough, you awoke from an almost sleepless night to see every news feed headlining a picture of yunjin kissing an unknown girl outside a club. you switched your phone off, unable to answer any messages reaching out to you with condolences.

reality was a hard truth to face, and the reality of the situation was gouging into you. you never wanted to see her again, to hear her name or her songs.

"i love you more than anything, y/n, no matter what."

you scoffed as the words stung in your head like a venomous bite.

incoming call: yunjin

you immediately switched your phone to airplane mode.

---

the remainder of le sserafim's tour was shrouded with controversy and despite putting on a brave face, the guilt and heartbreak was eating away at yunjin.

you knew their tour was nearing its end, so of course you'd already packed up all your stuff from your shared apartment with yunjin and moved in with a nearby relative. you didn't know whether it made you a coward, avoiding yunjin like this, but you knew you wouldn't be able to face her before taking time to heal. there was the occasional mention of her that crossed your newsfeed, but you made sure to ignore each one, never taking the time to indulge in reopening fresh wounds.

you were home alone when you heard a knock at the front door. it was unusual considering deliveries were never scheduled for this time and you weren't expecting anyone, so you answered the door with caution, opening it just a crack.

"y/n?"

fuck.

you immediately closed the door, scolding your previous fears of creepy men as anything would've been better than this.

"y/n please, just hear me out." a muffled voice begged.

"whatever you're going to say is pointless. i don't want to hear it."

"i understand that but...i think we both need the clarity."

"i really don't need anything from you right now."

"please just open the door, then i promise i'll leave you alone."

"jen- yunjin...this hurts so fucking much. i've spent the past few weeks trying to erase you from my memory and now you're here, expecting me to just...let you near me again. you ruined everything." you could hear yunjin begin to cry softly, as were you.

"i know." she choked through tears. "i know nothing will change what happened and it's killing me y/n. i don't know what to do...i love you so much, you mean the world to me. i don't go a day without missing you and wanting to be near you. i know it's over between us, but please just let me say goodbye properly."

you had nothing to say to her, but you opened the door anyway. it was an impulsive decision fuelled by a fleeting sense of longing for your love, but you immediately regretted it when you laid your eyes on the fresh face that would eternally haunt you. you didn't have time to process the overwhelming surge of emotion before tender arms enveloped your body and held you in an excruciating embrace.

"let me go." you sobbed, not wanting this bittersweet familiarity. but she only held you tighter, her body trembling.

"i love you."

"don't you dare say that, not after..."

"i love you so much. i'll never stop loving you y/n."

"shut up jen, please just leave me alone." you finally succeeded in pushing the woman away, it was like tearing off a bandaid.

her face was streaked with tears and it looked as if she had lost weight. you can't have looked much better.

"i don't want you to forgive me, because you deserve better, you deserve so much more than me. but never forget that i'll always love you, even if our worlds never collide again. i'll always be waiting for you."

and as she began to retreat with her eyes locked onto yours, she uttered one last sentence: "i love you more than anything, y/n, no matter what."

then yunjin turned away from you, not once looking back.

no other sentence could ever torment you as much as that one. but little did you know, it would replay over and over in yunjin's head as she lay alone, staring into the darkness looming above.

[froggywritesstuff]

consequences of being sick | yandere!teddy lobo

ship/pairing: Yandere!Teddy Lobo x g/n!reader

fandom: Renfield

warnings: really ooc, yandere, unhealthy relationships, mentions of vomiting, issues with eating, being chained up, mentions of feeding tubes, threats of force feeding, kissing

word count: 744

A/N: i don't really know what this is, i got the idea last night and the notes i left future me were not at all helpful, hence why this is ass.  i do not in any way support yandere behaviour, please know that this writing is purely fictional, and should not ever be reenacted in real life

You stared at the bowl of cereal on the table, the sight of it making your stomach churn with disgust. The cereal grew mushy and soggy during the time you hadn't been eating, which just made you feel even worse about eating it. Every time you even thought of taking a bite, you felt like bile would rise up in your throat. It was one thing to think about eating when everything about your situation made you sick to your stomach, it was another to attempt to eat with your captor sitting directly across from you, watching your every move.

"We're not leaving this table until you eat."

You kicked your legs awkwardly, feeling chains rattle against them as you did. You looked up at Teddy, shrinking back as you met his eyes, "I'm not hungry."

A frustrated sigh left his lips. You could tell his patience was wearing thin, "You haven't been hungry for the last few days, and if you think I'm gonna let you starve, you're sorely mistaken, Y/N. You need to eat."

"I feel sick." you mumbled, avoiding eye contact with Teddy. He said nothing, nodding to someone behind you, before he stood up from his seat, staring down at you. A man came from behind you and unlocked the chains around your legs.

"Get up." 

You did as he said, and he grabbed you by the hand, pushing you in front of him with his hands on your shoulders, guiding you through a hall. He stopped walking, and you were standing in front of a shut door. 

"Go on, open it." he instructed, the amused tone in his voice making you shiver in fear.

With shaking hands, you opened the door, letting Teddy lead you inside the room. It was an average sized room with light grey walls, the plainness of it definitely didn't match the rest of the mansion. A single bed was placed against the wall, beeping machines and medical supplies surrounding its sides. You looked at Teddy for some kind of explanation. He shifted his grip on you so he stood beside you with an arm around your waist.

"This room is where you can go when you're not gonna eat." he explained, his hand squeezing your waist as he felt your heart rate grow rapidly, "So instead of eating the easy, non painful way, you can be hooked up to these machines and feeding tubes. And of course it’s not just gonna be while you’re eating, you’re gonna need to be here all day for it to properly work so these machines can process how much nutrients you’re getting and shit.” he turned his head to look at you, taking in the uncomfortable look on your face. “So does that sound good, baby?”

You stared blankly at the room in front of you, unable to even process what Teddy was saying anymore. Before you could even register what you were doing, you pushed yourself against him and slipped out of his grip, quickly running out the room. With a sigh, Teddy pulled out his phone and walked out of the room, following the direction he saw you run in, "They tried running again, do you think you can-" he stopped himself when he walked into the dining room and saw you at the table, hastily eating your cereal, "Never mind." he put his phone in his pocket and walked toward you.

"Don't eat too fast," you were startled at his voice, watching fearfully as he sat down beside you, "You'll get indigestion."

You swallowed a spoonful, eyes widened slightly with fear as you felt his gaze on you.

"Look at me," he grabbed your chin with his thumb and forefinger, lifting your head to meet his eyes, "I love you so much. I don't like having to scare you with stuff like that, but I have to take care of you, and that includes getting you to eat. So what you need to do is listen to me when I tell you to do something." he paused, his eyes scanning your face, eyes darting down to your lips, "Understand?"

You nodded fearfully, letting him pull your face toward his and kiss your lips, his touch surprisingly gentle, before he pulled away.

"And hey," You went to turn your head away and continue eating, when his grip firmed up, rendering you unable to move, “don’t ever run away from me when I’m talking to you."

[golbrocklovely]

the chosen daughter // colby brock - chapter twenty-three

A/N: it took me a whole year to write this next chapter, and i am so sorry about that. i can't make any promises as to when the next chapter will come out, but i promise i'm seeing this story thru. mark my words on that. hopefully this long ass chapter makes up for the long ass wait lol lmk what you think and i'll see you guys much sooner than a year !!

story description

trigger warning: angst, cursing, mentions of abuse, SMUT, cliffhanger (wow i'm the worse for this lol)

word count: 7320

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was hard to get to sleep after the conversation Tara and I had. I slept on and off all night, never feeling fully rested. I finally woke up mid-afternoon, the sun pouring through the cracks of the almost covered window.

Even though Tara assured me that I wouldn't die, I couldn't help but feel deep within me that that wasn't going to be the case. The idea alone shook me to my core, draining all the energy out of me.

I spent most of the day in Colby's room, lying in bed. Unmoving. I could hear everyone outside coming in and out of the apartment. Colby would occasionally poke his head in, seeing if I was alright. I would just close my eyes, pretending I was asleep. I had no energy to talk about what was going through my mind. Hours passed and it wasn't until I looked at my phone and saw the time that I realized I needed to get ready for work soon. I groaned, getting out of bed, and leaving his room. I slowly trudged to the bathroom.

"You okay, baby?" Colby called from the living room.

I hummed out a response, hoping he heard me. I finished, washed my hands, and left the bathroom. I sighed deeply as I walked towards the kitchen, figuring I should make something to eat before getting ready.

"Jade..." I turned towards Colby, his arms lightly reaching out and his hands grazing my wrists.

"What?" I whispered; my voice unable to speak louder.

Colby cupped my face, making my look into his eyes. "Babe, you look... so tired. Are you okay?"

The softness in his voice and touch made my heart ache. My body felt so heavy, my mind going both a million miles a minute and quiet all at once. I slid my arms around Colby, almost collapsing against him. Tears welled up in my eyes, my vision blurring. Colby rubbed my back, soothing me as I cried into his chest.

"I-I just...." I stuttered, blubbering.

"What, Jade? What is it?" He cooed.

"Every time things feel like they are calming down, they just get worse. Nothing seems to be going right for me, for us. I-I don't know how much more I can take." I shook, my cheeks soaked with tears.

"Try to calm down, Jade. It's gonna be okay." He assured me.

"But how do you know that? I mean, every time I try to catch a break, everything blows up in my face." I pulled back, looking up at him. "I try to take off work to relax, a 500-year-old vampire comes into town and toys with me. And then his brother decides he wants to fuck around with me too. And not only me, but you! Ronnie is constantly getting on my case, and then Mike tries to kill me. And yesterday every vampire I came into contact with was acting weird, only for me to find out that I apparently smell better without my necklace on. And that just adds a whole 'nother layer to all of this."

I finally tried catching my breath, no longer sad - but infuriated. "Am I cursed? That's what it feels like."

Colby shook his head. "I don't think you are. I think you are one person going through a lot in a short period of time that needs a real, serious break. And after what Tara said to you last night, I can only imagine what's going on inside your head."

I scrunched up my face. "How do you know what Tara said?"

"I may have... listened in on your conversation." He blinked.

"Colby." I whined, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"What? You're lucky I haven't locked you up inside my bedroom forever until all this blows over," he joked. "Besides, I don't want to be kept in the dark."

"I would have told you eventually." I argued, somewhat telling the truth.

"Are you sure about that? Because I have a sneaking suspicion that wouldn't happen given the information Tara shared with you about Kat and Xiomara." He lowered his voice, getting close to me.

"Don't tell the rest of the group. Kat begged me not-" I started, placing my hands on his chest.

Colby cut me off, cupping my hands into his. "I don't plan on it. I know there are a lot of vampires out there that would kill Kat for even being a witch, let alone being related to Xiomara. Besides I owe her. She did try to save me."

I exhaled, lowering my head. "I wish I could go somewhere, get away from all of this."

"Even out of the city would be better than this. Especially this dump." He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in.

"It's not too bad here. It's everything outside that's bad." I mumbled.

Colby held me in his arms tightly, rubbing my back soothingly. I breathed in his scent, warm and comforting. I knew I was safe in his arms. All I wanted was to freeze time and stay like this forever.

"You should call out." He stated plainly.

I huffed. "I don't know if I can. Roger would be really pissed-"

Colby scoffed. "Fuck Roger. Call out. Worse case he fires you."

"Some of us need to have a job that isn't hidden in the shadows or the apartment of a nightclub, Colby." I sassed.

"You can always work here if need be. God knows Kevin needs the extra hands when he can." Colby mentioned.

I paused, realizing he was right, "...That's true, I guess."

His face lightened. "So call out."

"Okay. I won't call though. I don't feel like talking. I'll just text Roger." I grabbed my phone out of my pocket.

"Sounds like a plan," he smiled, leaving the kitchen. "I have to step out for a minute and make a call. I'll be right back."

Colby walked out the apartment door, pulling out his phone as he closed it. I texted Roger that I wasn't coming in. I turned my phone on silent mode, not wanting to hear from him or Ronnie about me not showing up tonight.

I don't know why I was concerned about a job that barely paid me enough to live. With all the shit going on in my life right now, they're lucky I even show up at all.

Colby came back in a moment later, grinning. "Jade, go pack a bag."

"What? Why?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I want to take you somewhere, and we might be there for a bit." He explained, rubbing my arms sweetly.

"Well, where is 'there'?" I questioned.

"I can't tell you. That will ruin the surprise." Colby turned me towards the bedroom, slapping my ass lightly, "Now, go pack."

I didn't have too many clothes to pack in the first place, so it only took me a couple minutes to get ready. I changed into nicer clothes and walked out of Colby's room. He went in his room, grabbing a few things together, and was ready within a minute.

Vampire speed... must be nice.

Colby grabbed my hand, walking me out of the club's back entrance. He waved at Kevin, who gave him a casual salute as we passed. As we got outside, he pulled me to the garage across the street that was owned by the club.

"What are we doing over here?" I asked.

"Well, we gotta drive to get to our destination so I figured we could use my car." Colby replied, pulling out his keys and unalarming a car in the back corner of the garage. I followed him towards a car wrapped in a tarp.

"Is it a nice one?" I quired.

"Um," he shrugged. "I think it is."

Colby pulled the tarp off of his car, and underneath was an older model Toyota Corolla. It was a muted red color, and the interior was a beige nude color.

I stared over the top of the car at him. "This is the car you drive?"

"I don't really drive all that often anymore. But when I do... I ride in style." He opened his arms wide, gesturing to the car with a playful smile.

"Does Kevin not pay you enough to afford a nicer car? Hell, even a newer one?" I glanced over the car, biting my lip.

"Hey now, don't make fun of the honeywagon. She's gotten me very far in life, thank you very much." He rebutted jokingly.

"The honey-what?" I deadpanned.

"You heard me." Colby smirked, his dimples appearing for a brief moment. "Now, are you gonna keep making fun of my car, or are you going to get in?"

I rolled my eyes, opening the passenger door. I slid in, adjusting my seat a bit, and dropped my bag into the back seat. Colby got in, putting his bag in the back as well, and started the car immediately.

"I'm surprise she starts." I jeered lightly.

Colby rubbed the steering wheel, "Just because she's from 2007 does not mean she doesn't run like a champ."

"2007? Wow, that's... a long time ago." I snickered.

"Hey, when I bought this car in 2009, it was pretty new then." He responded.

My eyes widened. "You bought this car back in 2009?"

Colby backed the car up and out of the garage, starting us on our journey. "Yeah. When I turned 18, I found out that my mom left me a good amount of money. It wasn't enough for me to get my own place, but it was enough to pay for this car. I pretty much spent all of her money on this."

My stomach dropped, my previous words hitting me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made fun-"

"It's okay Jade," he chuckled at my expression. "You ain't the first to rag on the honeywagon. Mike has given me shit over it for years. But, like I always tell him, it's sentimental."

I paused before continuing, knowing this was a touchy subject. "What happened to your mom? ...If you don't mind me asking."

Colby swallowed, his eyes remaining on the road. "My mom died of a heart attack when I was 10, and my dad had died back when I was a toddler, so I never really knew him. So, I didn't really have any other family around... besides Aunt Susan. She was also legally my godmother, so she was obligated to take me in. She got the house and everything else my mom left, even though most of it was left for me."

I lowered my voice, "The vision I saw of her and you. She grabbed you by your throat so aggressively. How often was she... like that?"

"The one moment you did see was basically how every day went. She always treated me like I was a burden, even back when I was a kid. She constantly belittled me, told me I wasn't good enough, and compared me to my mother in the worse way. It made me sick living there. And I had plans to move out as soon as I turned 18, but things never lined up well enough for me." He laughed bitterly, "And of course she wanted to kick me out the moment I was an adult, but she couldn't afford to live in the house without my extra income so once I finished high school, I moved to the basement and basically turned it into a little apartment. I never saw her unless I had to and all I did was go to work and come home. And that was my life for a long time."

"Did you have friends?" I inquired.

"I mean, I had a couple, but none that were actually close. Plus, once vampires came out to the public, a lot of people saw me as a pariah because of my aunt." He informed.

I frowned. "Why?"

"She was known in our town, affectionally, as a blood whore." Colby drove us onto the highway, leading us away from the city.

"Jesus..." I whispered, surprised.

"When vampires first came out, a lot of people were scared of them. But my aunt wasn't one of them. She was very... welcoming, to say the least. And she found out very quickly that vampire's blood was something worth befriending over." He remarked, his tone dull.

"She used to drink vampire blood?" I gaped.

"All the time. She used to give her blood to vampires in exchange - sometimes for money, sometimes for their blood. She became an addict to it, to some degree. Vampire blood, if drank a lot and in high quantities, can cause the person to feel high. So, she did that a lot of the times. She had a lot of vampire boyfriends. None of them ever stayed around too long. Just long enough for her to get her fix and then move onto the next..." His voice fell off for a moment, coming back more emotional; angrier. "Until Xaiver."

I reached over, placing my hand on Colby's forearm, rubbing it softly.

"She didn't exactly hang around with the best vampires, but he was especially sketchy. A lot of local vampires didn't fuck with him, but of course she still found her way to him. I found out later what happened with her and him. Because he was a dealer, he would sell his blood in vials. They met in some bar, and a week later went out on a ‘date’. He gave her a vial of his blood. And he expected that in return she would do the same the next date. But there never was another date. She just stole his blood and dipped. Hid in the house for two weeks in case he was out hunting for her - which he was. Eventually he heard that she had a kid that she took care of and that's how he found me." He glared at the road ahead, his jaw tense.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve that." I consoled; the flashes of his memory played in my mind.

"It was such a weird feeling... turning into a vampire. I had heard stories of what it was like, and none of them explained it the way I felt it. Everything became sharp and intense. I was seeing colors I couldn't see before, lights were brighter, everything smelled so strong, and I could hear everything around me all at once. And the emotions - those are what really took me by surprise. I felt.... everything," Colby took a ragged breath. "Anything I had ever held back, anything I ever thought, I felt it. In that very moment. It was all so overwhelming. That word doesn't even do it justice."

I laced my fingers with his free hand, giving him a squeeze. "I can only imagine."

"I think my powers also made it ten times worse, at least for me. The moment I touched my aunt... I saw everything about her. Her whole entire life flashed before my eyes. Everything she ever felt or thought came to me. And I hated every second of it." He fumed lowly, sliding his hand out of my own for a moment.

I stayed silent, just watching Colby. His eyes remained on the road, but they were intense, dark. His one hand gripped the steering wheel while other rested softly on my thigh.

"I always thought that she didn't love me. I knew for a fact she didn't like me, you didn't need supernatural powers to know that. But I had hoped she cared, even a little. And there were times in her life she did. But deep down she never... wanted me," he confessed, his voice almost falling to a whisper. He swallowed and continued, "She was extremely jealous of the life my mom had. My mom had a great husband until he passed, she had a house, a family - everything my aunt wanted but could never get for whatever reason. And I was just a reminder of that. She gladly took the house, the car, my mom's money, but she didn't really want me. And knowing that she was actually kind of glad when my mom passed... I couldn't have stopped myself even if I wanted to."

"I don't blame you for what you did." I stated, looking into his eyes.

He blinked, turning back to the road. "When the police showed up, I told them that a vampire came in and attacked us both. They believed me because of her history, took her body to the morgue, and that was it. I paid for a funeral I didn't attend and buried her. I sold the house and any other possessions I could and never turned back."

"What happened to Xavier?" I uttered.

"I killed him before I left town. He was the second person I ever killed." He revealed.

I furrowed my brow, "He was hardly a person. He was a monster for what he did to you."

"Sometimes I regret killing either one of them. But then I think most likely if I hadn't, someone else would've. They both messed around with a lot of strange people..." He trailed off.

I tried to change the subject, sensing that Colby was getting tired of talking about this one. "What age did you get turned at?"

"22. I was about to be 23." He answered.

"How old would you be now?" I thought out loud.

"I would be 28. I was only born in '91." He stated.

"Oh my God... I'm dating an older man?" I gasped. "Sexy."

He finally cracked a genuine smile. "Why don't you get some rest? We have a long drive ahead of us."

"You still haven't told me where we're going." I argued light-heartedly.

"Well, clearly it's up in the mountains." He pointed to the mountains in the distance.

"I can tell that. But where?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You'll see eventually." He teased.

"You never fully explained why you're driving there. Couldn't we have vampire ran?" I questioned.

"It's a couple hours away, and while I'm strong I don't think I could run that far. Plus, I wanted to spend time with you, even if you're just asleep." He turned to me, giving me a wink. "So, get some rest."

I snuggled into my seat, leaning back a bit and staring out the window. The quiet sound of the radio and Colby's breathing lulled me to sleep in no time.

~\/\/~

"Baby, it's time to get up. We're here." Colby whispered, his soothing voice waking me.

I opened my eyes slowly, trying to focus them. The lights of the car illuminated the forest around us. And a few feet from the car was a cabin. A little porch with two red chairs rested on the outside with a set of stairs leading up to it. The cabin looked well taken care of, the light on the outside inviting us in. Little white flowers adorned the path leading to the stairs and around the whole property.

I got out of the car, my eyes widening at the sight. It was still dark out, but the sun would be rising soon, the sky a lighter blue than before. I turned towards Colby, who had both of our bags in his hands. He raced up the stairs, entering the cabin and turning the lights on. I walked up the path to the house, gliding up the stairs and into the cabin. I took in all of the little details of the place: the dark wooden interior, the rock wall fireplace, the cozy deep red couches, the soft oak table right outside of the kitchen. Everything about this place was beautiful. The house even smelled good, a mix of cinnamon and mahogany.

"So, what do you think?" He breathed almost nervously.

I gazed around the cabin, trying to take in every detail that I could. "Colby... how did you get a place like this last minute?"

"Well, Kevin knows a guy that owns this house. And I asked him to ask the guy if it was okay for us to come up here. And he said it was fine. We've all come up here before, sometimes just to get away from the city." Colby stepped closer to me. "Did you notice the white flowers outside?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah I did. Wait... are those-?"

He cut me off, smiling. "Angelica californica, to be exact."

"They grow here?" I questioned.

"Naturally, but we also add to the population occasionally." He joked, his dimples appearing.

"So... no vampires?" I whispered.

He replied back just as quiet. "No vampires. Except for me, of course."

I jumped up, hugging him tightly. "Oh Colby. This is the best present ever. Thank you."

"Of course, baby. You deserve this, and so much more." He pulled back, his arms still wrapped around me, "So, the closest cabin is about a mile away. Same with the closest town. I figured in an hour or two we can go into town, maybe get some breakfast at the diner? And then afterwards I can pick us up some groceries, that way you aren't starving the whole week we're here."

I gasped, "We're gonna be here for a week? Oh no, Colby, I only called out for a day.”

"Ehh, don't worry. You have off this weekend, right? Stay here with me, and we'll worry about all of that on Monday." Colby argued.

"I have a feeling I won't want to leave though." I exhaled dramatically.

He feigned concern. "Oh no... whatever will we do?"

I smacked his chest, a laugh erupting from him.

"Go take a shower, and I'll unpack our bags. Sound good?" He held my hands, giving them a light squeeze.

I nodded, walking into the bedroom and pulling out some clothes to change into for after my shower.

I took the longest shower of my life, scrubbing all the stress away and off my body. By the time I had gotten out, it had been an hour, and the diner was ready to open. Colby and I drove into town, enjoying the view of the quaint place. The diner wasn't packed, but a steady stream of customers were coming in and out for the breakfast rush. We sat down at a table and enjoyed our meal slowly, people-watching the whole time. We walked through town, looking at all the little shops and stopping in a few. I bought a mug with the town's name on it, Colby rolled his eyes as I did. We then went to the grocery store, picking up a few things to make lunch and dinner. Colby wasn't much of a cook, and neither was I, so we settled on pasta for tonight. We drove home, but I didn't feel like settling in yet.

"Do you wanna go on a hike?" Colby suggested.

And we did just that. The fresh air almost burned my lungs, the crispness feeling sharp with every breath. It had been overcast out all day, making it the perfect weather to walk in. I found a stream not too far away from our cabin, following it down until it opened up to a lake. We sat at the dock of the lake, staring out into the water, huddled close to each other.

Then the skies opened up, rain pouring and soaking us instantly. We laughed as we raced home, Colby holding my hand the whole time. Eventually when we were close, Colby picked me up bridal style and sped me into the cabin. Thunder crackled in the distance, making the ground shake. Colby started a fire, and the cabin warmed up instantly.

I didn't remember falling asleep, but I did. I woke up wrapped up in a blanket, a soft pillow resting under me. The tv was on, playing a random channel I hadn't seen before. The cabin smelled of butter and pasta sauce. I looked at the time, and it was already 5:36 P.M.

"Good evening, sleepy head. Dinner will be ready soon, if you wanna get up." Colby spoke from the kitchen.

I stretched, getting up and heading towards his voice. "You should have woke me sooner. I would have helped with dinner."

He snickered, "I'm not that clueless when it comes to making pasta. Besides, you looked too peaceful, and I figured after the long day of walking around your body could use some more rest."

"Well, I'll at least set the table." I pulled out two dishes, walking over to the table and placing them down. I noticed in the little vase there were three flowers: two things of angelica and a single rose.

He noticed me staring, "I got that for you at the grocery store. I made sure to hide it so you wouldn't see."

"You are literally too sweet to me." I leaned in, pecking his lips.

He shrugged half-heartedly. "I don't know about too sweet, but I'm definitely trying my best here.”

My face dropped, turning to look at him completely. "Colby, you got me a cabin, drove me all the way here just so I could catch a break. You bought me breakfast and groceries and are now making me dinner. If that isn't sweet, I don't know what is."

He looked down, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. He continued stirring the pasta.

Oh my God... I made Colby blush.

A moment later, he turned off the heat, dumping the pasta water out and into the heated sauce. He mixed that up for a minute and turned to me. "I think it's ready."

We ate dinner slowly, enjoying each bite. Maybe it was because I hadn't had a homecooked meal in ages, but the pasta was to die for. We chatted the whole time, commenting on our day and the different things we saw at the diner and the lake. Once we finished, Colby poured some wine for us. A lull finally fell into our conversation, but we still sat in the dining room, sipping our wine. Colby held my hand, lightly running his thumb back and forth.

I squeezed his hand gently. "Thank you so much for this, Colby. Truly. I needed this escape so badly."

"Of course, Jade. I'll be honest though; this wasn't just an escape for you. It was for me too. I'm not exactly... not stressed, about everything going on." He took a long sip from his wine glass, his voice low.

I sighed deeply, gazing down at the table. "It's insane how crazy our lives have gotten in such a short time."

Colby nodded his head, finishing off his wine. He reached out his now free hand, wanting to hold mine. I gave him it, cupping his gently. His grip tightened as he began to speak.

"I'm... scared, of what's to come, Jade."

My heart sank at his words, his voice catching me off guard. He kept his head down as he continued.

"I want to be able to protect you, and I think I can, but there is a part of me that thinks I'm not enough. That I'm not strong enough. And especially if someone like Rinaldi or Max is coming after you... it's true. And it terrifies me that that's the truth. Hearing what Tara said to you, that there's the possibility that my greatest fear could happen, that you could die... I don't know what I would do with myself. I can't lose you, Jade. You're the first person I've let in in such a long time and I just can't..." His voice waivered as he trailed off, his head lowered to our hands, resting on them.

I felt a single tear slide down my face, unaware that his words did that to me. I wanted to reach out and grab him, pull him as close to me as possible and never let go. I wasn't sure what to say, but as we both stayed quiet for a moment, I felt myself utter words I knew to be true.

"I love you, Colby."

I could feel Colby freeze, halting his breath. He picked his head up slowly, his eyes almost staring through me. My heart sped up at his intense look.

"I know this might seem sudden... but I've felt this way for a long time." I shuttered out a breath, not realizing how nervous I was, "I don't expect you to say it back."

"I-I... want to, though. I just," his voice fell off, his eyes boring down at our still laced hands. "I've never had anyone say that to me."

My heart shattered, "No one's ever said I love you to you before?"

"Not since I was young. All of our friends have made passing remarks, saying that they care about me, but... not ‘I love you’. Not like how you said it." He murmured.

I squeezed his hands, running my thumb over his knuckles. I leaned down and kissed the top of them, looking up at him briefly. The silence filled the room, and I could see Colby wanted to speak, but was unsure of what to say. I truly didn't expect him to say it back, but part of me hoped for some response soon. My ears rang from the quiet.

Colby's eyes connected with mine, his icy blues gazing deep. "I'm not good at talking. I've never been great at saying what I feel. But I think I can show you... what I feel."

He stood up, pulling me to my feet. He cupped my face gently, his hand feeling almost cold against my hot skin. He leaned in slowly, pressing his body into me. His lips captured mine, an electric charge surging through my body instantly. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers running through his hair.

Colby pushed me lightly against the table, his hands sliding down my body until he reached my hips. He gripped them tightly, the feeling causing a light sigh to fall from my lips. He smirked into the kiss, pulling away briefly to lift me up onto the table. He placed me down, connecting his lips with mine again. I wrapped my legs around his hips, squeezing him into me. Our kiss deepened, our tongues dancing with one another. Suddenly, he scooped me up from the table, walking me to the bedroom carefully.

He got me to the edge of the bed, dropping me softly. I gasped as I fell back, my legs dangling off the bed as he stared down at me. I swear for a second, I saw his eyes flash red as he scanned my body. My heart raced at the thought of what he could, and would, do to me.

He leaned down, hovering over me as he murmured in my ear. "I want to make you feel good, Jade."

I bit my lip, "I-I want you to do that."

Colby chuckled, kissing down my neck. He nipped at my collarbone; goosebumps rose across my skin as he did. He kept kissing down my body, my chest heaving as he got closer to my sex. I could feel the fire already burning deep within me growing. I wanted him so badly and for so long. And now, it was finally happening.

He raised my shirt up slowly, his hands stopping just underneath my bra. He looked into my eyes and nodded my head, sitting up and letting him pull my shirt off. He gazed over my newly exposed skin, taking in every inch of it. He glided his head down, his breath fanning just above the button of my pants. I shuddered at the feeling, needing him to keep going.

"I've wanted to taste you for so long, Jade." He glanced up at me, a whine almost falling from his lips, "Can I? Please?"

My panties grew wetter from the desperation in his voice. I nodded, unable to speak. Colby unbuttoned my pants, sliding them down my body hastily. His hands cupped my hips, his mouth kissing just above my underwear. My breath hitched at the sensation, my body tensing.

"You're already so wet for me... God, I need to taste you now." He growled.

He pulled my underwear off, throwing it behind him. I bit my lip as the cool air of the cabin hit my naked sex. My hips arched, wanting Colby to give me some relief.

"Use your words, baby. What do you want from me?" He teased, kissing my thighs.

I shuttered, "C-Colby, please. I need you so badly."

"To what?" He blinked innocently.

"Make me come with your tongue." I mewled.

Colby clenched his jaw at my words, his eyes closing tightly for a moment. "Whatever you want, baby. It's yours."

His mouth immediately connected with my clit, pulling it into his mouth and gently sucking on it. Pleasure rolled down my body, my legs instinctively wrapping around his head and resting on his shoulders. As he continued to play with my clit, his fingers lightly brushed up and down my lips, teasing my entrance.

"Oh my God, fuck Colby." I moaned, my eyes fluttering close.

He buried his head deeper into my cunt, his tongue and fingers switching positions. He lapped at my hole, his middle finger rubbing slow circles into my clit.

My hips bucked out his actions, whines falling from my mouth. He kept his pace slow and deep, causing pleasure to roll down my body over and over again.

I could feel my body getting closer to the edge, but I wanted him, needed him, inside of me. "Colby...."

"Yes, beautiful?" He hummed, picking his head up.

"Please.... I need you." I whimpered, my fingers tracing up his face as he looked at me.

He slowed raised up to my face, his mouth pressed closed to my ear. "You need me inside of you?"

"Yes," I shook my head desperately.

"How badly do you need me, baby? Tell me." He demanded teasingly.

"Colby, please." I pawed at his chest, still covered by his shirt, "I need you to take this off, right fucking now."

"Yeah?" He smirked, sitting up and pulling his shirt off with one arm.

My hands immediately slid up his chest, feeling his muscles tighten under my touch. I bit my lip, taking in every inch of him.

Suddenly, Colby's face changed. He lowered himself back down to me, his body resting against mine firmly. I could feel his bulge pressing hard into my thigh. That sent a shockwave through me, knowing I was turning him on.

"Jade... I want you," he swallowed hard. "I want you so badly. I've needed you for so long."

He leaned in, our lips connecting in a passionate kiss. My breath was instantly taken from me, my chest heaving from needed oxygen. My hands drifted down his body, undoing and sliding his pants down enough so that I could grasp his hard member. He gasped against my mouth, his grip on my hips tightening. He thrusted slowly into my hand as I held him. I could tell just from a few pumps that he was big. My pussy clenched at the feeling.

"Are you ready for me, baby?" He whispered lowly, his deep voice sending shivers down my spine.

I nodded, a tiny whimper escaping my mouth.

Colby kissed along my neck as he pulled his pants down all the way. His hands slid behind me and popped my bra off, yanking it away from my body quickly. I giggled at his actions; his neediness just as present as mine.

He reached over to the nightstand, opening the drawer and grabbing a condom. He rolled the condom down his shaft, my eyes widening at his now completely naked form. He was so beautiful, in more ways than one. My breath hitched in my throat as I took in as much as I could.

He leaned his head against mine, the tip of his cock teasing my entrance. "Do you still want this? Do you still want to do this?"

"Of course. More than ever." I cupped his face gently, pecking his lips.

He lined himself up, his eyes boring into mine for just a moment. As he entered me, he closed his eyes tightly, his mouth a gape. I moaned as he stretched me out, filling me deeply.

"Fuck Jade, you feel so good." He grunted, his chest vibrating from how deep his voice was.

Once he was completely inside of me, his eyes shot open, two red orbs staring back at me. Veins popped out from under his skin by his eyes. And his parted mouth showed fangs.

I gazed up at him, excited by the vampire before me. I've only ever seen him like this once, and now it felt completely different. Back then I barely even knew him. And now, he was the love of my life.

"I'm sorry, baby. Give me a second, okay?" Colby hissed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against mine.

I hushed him, cupping his face, "No, it's okay Colby. I'm not scared. You don't scare me."

Colby exhaled. "That's good to know. But I still don't like having my fangs out while I'm fucking you."

I stuttered out, "I... don't mind."

"Oh? You like the fangs?" He sassed, his hips slowly starting to move.

"Yeah." I whispered bashfully, a light blush creeping across my skin.

"You're blushing.... oh my God, that's so fucking hot." He cursed.

I gripped his back a little hard, pulling him deeper into me as he thrusted. I matched his pace, our bodies moving as one.

Colby leaned into my neck, kissing and licking my skin. His fangs grazed against me, goosebumps forming. I let out a light gasp as he pressed his fangs in further, but never broke skin.

He groaned, his voice in my ear. "Do you want me to bite you? I can feel you squeezing around me tighter every time I almost do."

I inhaled sharply, taken aback by his tone. Colby chuckled darkly into my ear, his hips picking up speed.

"You want it, don’t you? Just admit it." He smirked.

I let out a raspy sound, unable to say anything. He was right, I did want him to bite me. But I wasn't going to say it. At least not yet.

"Make me." I uttered bravely.

His stare intensified, his lips twitching into a smile. "Fine."

Colby pinned down my hands to the bed with one hand, while his other shimmied down in between our bodies. He forced my legs apart wider, two of his fingers pushing lightly against my clit. He started stroking in time with his thrusts, which only got deeper and harder. I cried out in pleasure, my eyes rolling into the back of head from the new sensation.

"Tell me you need it. Tell me you want me to bite you." He ordered, staring into my eyes.

"Fuck, Colby! Pleaseeee." I whined, my brain turning to mush with his actions.

He grunted, his hips shuttering. "God I'm getting so close, Jade. Say what you want, baby. I'll give it to you. I'll give you whatever you want."

"Bite me, please." I whimpered.

"Say it louder, Jade." He hissed.

"Bite me, Colby!" I moaned louder, my pleasure building more and more. I could feel myself almost going over the edge. Fuck, I needed him to make me come.

"One more time, sweetheart. Say it for me now!" His voice thundered, his thrusts going deeper and deeper into me.

"Oh my God, please bite me! Please! I'm so fucking close!" I shouted desperately, my hips bucking wildly. I tried to force my hands out from under his hold, but they wouldn't budge. I just struggled against him as he kept up his fast-paced movements.

"Good girl, baby. Come for me." He growled, and then slammed his fangs into my neck. It was all overwhelming - the sensation of his fangs, his thrusts, and his words - and it immediately sent my body into overdrive. My orgasm ripped through me, my hips spasming in time with his. I cried out in pleasure, unable to hold back any sounds I had in me. He drank my blood slowly, but just the slight loss made my head all the more lighter.

"Oh shit I'm coming! Fuuuuuckkk-" Colby pounded into me over and over again, exploding in ecstasy as my blood leaked down his chin from my mouth. His red eyes almost glared down at me, intensely staring into my soul. I could feel his aura appear around us, engulfing us both. I was too out of my mind to care. Everything about this moment made my head spin and my mind blank out.

Once our orgasms subsided, Colby's body crashed down on top of mine. He let go of one of my hands, the other lacing fingers with his. We laid there and just breathed with one another, trying to slow down our racing hearts. It felt like forever before he finally picked his head up.

He picked his head up quickly, his mouth a gape. "Shit, I forgot you were bleeding. Here, let me give you some of my blood."

I slurred, "Nooo, y-you don't-"

"You're have no room to argue with me, sweetheart." Colby took his finger in his mouth, biting open the pad of it. Then he brought it to my lips. "Open up, baby."

I allowed his finger into my mouth, the metallic taste making me wince until suddenly changing into something sweet. I sucked on his finger, feeling the lightheadedness slowly going away.

"That's right... there you go. I didn't drink too much from you, so you don't need too much from me." A moment later, he slid his finger out of my mouth, a light ‘pop’ noise following.

"I-I was enjoying that, you know." I joked, sighing.

"I was too." He leaned in close, "There's a reason why I'm still hard inside of you."

We both giggled, his mischievous eyes softening. He pulled out of me a moment later, relaxing back on the bed beside me. We laid there silently, just listening to each other breathe. With a slight look, his hands grasped around my wrist, lightly tugging me over to him until my head was laying on his chest. He sighed deeply, snuggling into me more. I began to drift off, his soft breathing lulling me to sleep. We laid like this for hours, barely moving except to pull the blankets higher.

A ring tone ripped through the silent room. I glanced up at Colby who read his phone. "It's just Mike. He can leave a message."

I snuggled back in, waiting for the phone to stop. It did for a moment, only to start ringing again. The same tone and all.

"There's no reason for Mike to need me. He knows we’re up here. I left a note." He rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed.

"Okay." I laid my head down, but I didn't shut my eyes. Something churned in my stomach as I stared at the phone, hoping it wouldn't ring again.

But then it did.

Colby groaned, grabbing his phone off the table, and answering it. "What Mike?"

I could hear Mike's muffled voice, and it sounded panic.

Colby froze at Mike's words. He slowly rose from bed, my body falling off his. "What?"

My breath hitched. Something happened.

"Yeah. Yeah. We'll be there as soon as we can be. Tell him to hold on. I'm leaving right now." His tone was serious and pointed. He hung up the phone, getting out of bed quickly.

My stomach sank, my eyes widened. "What happened, Colby? What's wrong?"

He threw on his clothes hastily, turning to me. "It's Sam. Someone attacked him at the club tonight. We have to leave."

<< CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 24 >>

[9haharharley1]

for that promt thing could you do Eating messily for pompep?

I'm so sorry this took so long! The last few days have been one errand-running nightmare after another, but I'm at work now and finally have a moment to write! Here's something short and sweet!

---

Danny really shouldn't have been surprised by the look on Vlad's face when he plopped the bag of Nasty Burger goodness on the kitchen island, and really, he wasn't. He outright laughed at the glare Vlad gave the semi-greasy bag, only to laugh harder as Vlad leveled that glare on him.

"Oh, come on, Fruitloop!" he teased, taking a seat across from the older man on one of the bar stools. He reached for the bag and pulled out a burger and fries, holding them out. "You used to be a poor peasant kid like me! One burger isn't gonna kill you."

"It can kill half of me," Vlad muttered. Danny laughed, Vlad wrinkling his nose to hide his smile. He shook the burger and fries at the man until Vlad sighed. He took them reluctantly. "Oh, if you insist! Honestly, Daniel, when you said you would be paying for dinner, I expected something that at least wouldn't clog my arteries."

Danny leveled a look at the man as he pulled out his own burger and fries. "Vlad, I'm a struggling high school student. I'm not exactly rolling in cash for anything better."

"You could have just asked, dear boy," said Vlad. "I can give you whatever you need to buy a decent meal every now and then."

A blush came to Danny's cheeks, his insides feeling a little squirmy from the sincere words; a sincerity he had yet to get used to. "Kinda ruins the point of me buying dinner," he muttered back. He pulled his soda out of the drink carrier, pushing the other to Vlad. "Gotta make up for all the tutoring and training somehow."

Vlad smiled at him, soft and delighted, and it made Danny's face burn hotter. "It's no trouble at all, little badger, and you know it. You don't have to pay me back except with your company. Having you around has made this old manor feel a little less lonely." He unwrapped his burger, missing the way Danny stared back at him with wide eyes. Vlad's lip curled in disgust. "Although, I must insist on just cooking from now on, if it's all the same to you."

"It's not that bad, Vlad," Danny said, hoping his blush wasn't so obvious as he took a big bite of his burger. "At least try it!"

"At least swallow before speaking, Daniel," Vlad shot back, and Danny sometimes hated being a gutter-minded teenager because his thoughts immediately turned to other things he could swallow. He choked, inhaling a small piece of burger and immediately coughing, doubling over the side of the counter as he hit his chest. Vlad looked on in concern, but Danny waved him off, thankful to now have some kind of excuse for his reddened face. He took a large gulp of his soda. "Looks like I was right about the half-dying."

Danny's coughing turned to choked laughter. "Oh, just eat the damn burger!"

Vlad rolled his eyes. "Oh, very well." And he took a bite.

Danny watched as the older halfa's eyebrow hitched, a small noise if approval escaping him. The younger man smirked. "Told ya it was good."

Vlad glared, having the decency to swallow his food before replying, "Don't be a brat, Daniel."

Danny's smirk widened. "What are you gonna do about it?"

Eyebrow raised, Vlad didn't reply, but there was a glint in his eyes as he stared back at Danny, one that made him flush and feel hot all over. Vlad took another bite of his burger, a bit of sauce catching on the corner of his mouth.

Without thinking, Danny leaned over the table, reaching out to gently wipe at the spot. Vlad froze as he did, blue eyes dark and unreadable. Danny slowly sat back down, his own eyes wide, unable to hide his scarlet cheeks.

"Um..." Why had he done that?! "You, uh... had some"- he pointed the sauce on his finger towards his own mouth. Vlad continued to stare.

Then he reached out, gripping Danny's wrist before the younger could wipe his hand. He pulled the smaller hand back to him, Danny having to stretch over the island awkwardly. His face was aflame, feeling about ready to explode as Vlad kept staring into his eyes. Sweat beaded at the back of his neck, and he actually squeaked when the man brought his finger to his mouth, licking the bit of sauce from the tip. Danny bit his lip, eyes wide as Vlad maintained eye-contact the whole time, jerking his hand away when he finally let go. Danny snatched it back, his whole body feeling like it was on fire.

"Wha-?" he croaked out, and Vlad smirked at him. His eyes were heavy with promise as he stared at Danny.

"You're right, Daniel," he uttered, voice low and dark, a bit of fang poking through his grin. "The burger isn't that bad at all."

Danny exhaled a shaky breath.

"I... uh... Bathroom!" he whisper-shouted, practically tripping out of his chair, blushing madly as he heard Vlad's dark chuckle echo after him.

[mad-scientist-enthusiast]

"The Haunted Flesh Machine"

@plaguedghosts @iwrotesomeofitdown @notjustanyannie

Here is my slam poem. Thank you for the encouragement!

I'd like to preface this by saying it is a poem of my struggles and fears, and this should not be taken as the most mentally healthy or even correct writing.

CW: discussion of disordered eating, slight suicidal ideation, a little bit of internalized ableism

I’m losing my grip on reality. Each hour of the day slips from beneath my fingertips before I can even close my hand. 

My motor functions are so much slower these days. 

I walk through a persistent haze, going through the motions, but I am never present for them. My body acts on autopilot, but the battery is on low. 

I’m smart—I always have been—I’m an engineer for crying out loud—but I don’t think I can access that anymore. My intelligence is locked behind a firewall in my brain. 

Do you know how insane that is? Being unable to use your own mind? 

All my judgments are tinted because the brightness is turned down. I think my brain is in battery-saver mode. 

The fatigue is the worst because I can feel it all throughout my body. No amount of sleep seems to recharge me. I am perpetually tired and confused and dizzy and unaware. 

I’m sure my eating habits don’t help. I’m just putting water in my gas tank. No amount of Fanta Orange and Lucky Charms is going to make up for the entire sections of the food pyramid I am missing. I try to start my brain up, but water isn’t quite nearly as combustible, and I end up with no output. 

I want to be in control. I want my body to work. I don’t want my vision to get darker with every step I take. 

Another day, another near-emergency. My heart beats too fast, my blood pressure falls too low. Sometimes presyncope lasts for longer than it needs to. 

Sometimes I change colors like a chameleon on its deathbed. 

My code is flagging for errors, but I’m running it anyway. 

I think my computer is getting overheated. My face is hot to the touch. 

If this was the Victorian Era, my symptoms would be romanticized. There’s something poetic about wasting away. 

I fear that I’m getting weaker by the week. 

Another day, another new problem. Which diagnosis does it fit under? I’m too tired to make a spreadsheet, not that I could log it if I did. 

What month is it anyway? How many months have I been here? It seems like an eternity when I’m in pain, but time passes too quickly when I’m not. 

I haven’t taken my meds in a while. I’ve given up on them working. Neglect is also a form of control. 

I’m rotting inside. I’m rotting in my bed. I hardly leave my bed, but when was the last time I slept? 

Surely this will have no repercussions. 

I’m smart for a day, so my expectations are high, and as a result, my workload is too. I’m a workaholic on the days I’m present at all. 

That’s who they see when they look at me. They don’t see that I’m sick. They don’t connect the dots on the days I wear a little less makeup than usual. 

They don’t even bother to look. 

I’m fighting for control over my mind and my body, and they are none the wiser. 

If I were underweight, maybe they’d care a little. Maybe they’d treat me with a little more care. It’s easier to tell when something is wrong when you’re underweight. 

I could collapse in the middle of a busy street and no one would even give it a second glance. They might even walk over me, thinking I was part of the sidewalk. 

On the off chance they did see, what a shame it would be, for the one time I'm perceived, I lack bodily autonomy. 

Is it worth being noticed when you're unconscious? Is it worth it if the one time I am seen is when I have no control over whether my mouth is hanging open or my shirt is riding up? I've spent so long meticulously curating the way I look to others, just to be totally helpless when it matters. 

I can change my wallpaper but that doesn't make my phone work any better. And people don't see the wallpaper first, they see the cracks in the screen. 

Sometimes I am conscious but not responsive. I lie like a corpse, observing, but not interacting as they crowd around me. Observing as they look at me. 

They could not provide the help I need. 

They only see me when I'm outside my body—a freakshow display of my vulnerability. 

Maybe if I hit my head next time, I'll reboot. I could use a factory reset. 

I often think of what it would be like to have a better brain. I think mine is haunted. 

Do you have to be dead to be a spirit? 

My head is possessed by a ghost that lurks in my nerves tissue and flesh. I hear it wail whenever I move, mourning a loss I cannot understand. 

A restless spirit leads to a restless night, and each night I can't sleep I blame the ghost. 

I wish sleep could fix me. I'm so tired all the time. 

The ghost must be what powers my perpetual motion machine. Inertia isn’t enough. I keep going and going until eventually I explode. 

I don’t think I’ll make it to my 40’s. 

My body will break itself down until it can digest me, and I’ll eat myself like an ouroboros. 

I don’t want to die, I just want to rest. 

If I sleep for a good year, maybe I’ll feel human again. I would like to feel human again. 

I dream that one day I will collapse, and people will rush me to the hospital. There, the doctors will find out exactly what is wrong with me, and that it can be treated by taking a pill. And then, I get better. 

My face will look a little softer, my eyes a little less heavy. I’ll walk everywhere I go, and I’ll stand up in the mornings. 

Maybe food will be less of a battle when I’m healthy. 

Maybe I’ll burn in the atmosphere before I crash down to earth. 

Right now, my collision course is set toward hospitals, tubes, and wires. I’ll only have to sign away my autonomy when I check-in. 

Is there early prevention for a trojan virus? 

Did I ever have a chance? Fated to keep running on empty until there’s nothing left to run. 

I have no salvation, I am just a machine. 

There is no happy ending for me.

[the-yoru-whoru]

Phoenix x reader | Big brother | inc*st | rough | slight angst and comfort | adopted sister | dead dove do not eat | suggestive | if u don’t like inc*st…. DONT READ LOL | I thought this might be a little much for a return fic but... i wanted to write it lol | also this was originally in bullet point format, so it might read a bit weird at some points, apologies

“Shhh!” Phoenix whisper-yells at you, a panicked expression on his face.

The loud music outside is muffled by the wooden walls of the closet, and although it's dark, light seeps through the cracks of the door, giving you just enough vision to see your brother's heavily flushed face, the tousled locks of his hair falling messily into his face.

He's leaned over your small figure, and although you fit into the closet just barely, he's struggling to even maneuver himself inside the cramped space, broad shoulders hunched over uncomfortably just to avoid hitting his head on the low ceiling.

You just giggle at his frantic behavior, squirming around to lightly tap him on his head with an open hand.

“You’re the one making the most noise, big bro,” You say teasingly, trailing another hand down his chest with your index finger, "Plus, I really really really wanna meet your friends!"

You try to push past him to the exit of the closet, eager to see the lively party beyond the closed doors.

Suddenly, Pheonix grabs your hand roughly, pinning it back against the wall of the closet with a loud thud.

You make a squeak of surprise, but his other large hand comes up too, covering your mouth completely as you stare up at your brother, shocked.

He seems a little stunned as well, as if his body had moved on its own, but he gathers himself and stares down at you sternly as he leans you up against the closet back, effectively walling you in.

"Listen, I can't believe you followed me out tonight–I mean, come on! You know Mom and Dad are gonna friggin' murder me if they find out you went to a party, even more so if you meet my friends!"

You blink up at him, confused, trying to talk but still unable to speak under his firm grip.

Pheonix loosens his hand to let you speak, and you can't help but protest.

"But why not? All you ever do nowadays is hang out with your new friends, shouldn't I get to meet them at least once?"

But your brother only shakes his head, looking even more stressed. Your eyes linger on the bead of sweat that drips down his temple.

"No no no–it's different, alright?" You hate when he uses that tone of voice on you, "Mom and Dad don't like my friends, you know that. And they sure as hell don't want their only daughter to be hanging out with some bad influences."

You can hear laughing outside the closet, a male talking to a girl about knives or something.

Pheonix is still staring at you intently, body not moving an inch as restrains your movement.

"So I'm just supposed to stay home alone and be a good girl every day?" You say, hurt creeping into your voice, "While you get to go out and have fun every night? Nowadays, I never even get to see you anymore, every time I try to hang out you just avoid me!”

When the two of you were younger you used to be like best friends; Phoenix had always done right to treat you like his real little sister, and you remember always being able to come to him for anything and everything. It was a far cry from how he acted towards you nowadays.

“Just admit it already—admit that you hate me and you’re too embarrassed to let your new cool friends meet your loser, little sister! "

You want to say more but Phoenix slams his hand into the wall behind you, shaking the whole tiny closet. The outside party quiets confusedly for a second, before growing again.

The male leans into you darkly, his usually energetic demeanor uncharacteristically somber.

His eyes haven’t moved from you this whole time, and now his stare is downright intense, his gaze making you want to fidget but you dared not to move.

His body seems to radiate extreme heat, and for a moment he doesn’t say a word, face flashing with expressions of regret and anger.

In the end, he doesn’t say anything. He simply kisses you.

His mouth is warm and slightly salty, and you’re frozen in shock as he moves his lips over yours.

His voice rumbles lowly in his throat as the hand gripping your wrist tightens painfully.

It’s like the party, the noise, and even the closet surrounding you have just melted away, and all you can think is: holy shit, my brother is kissing me.

When he finally pulls away, it takes a moment for you to gather yourself, and you can only stare at him slack-jawed as he struggles to catch his breath, chest heaving with every intake of air as if he’d run a marathon.

It’s silent between the two of you before he finally breaks the silence.

“I could never hate you,” Phoenix is so serious he almost seems like a different person, but there’s still a familiar edge of nervousness in his voice you’re just able to catch, “I know my friends would love you if they met you. That’s exactly why I don’t want you meeting them.”

You shiver at his next words, “I don’t want to have to share you with anyone. I won’t.”

“Because you’re mine, lil sis.”

You can’t think straight, all you can do is stare at him dumbly as you try to think of what to say, try to ignore the leap in your chest as he speaks.

You must be taking too long because his serious look begins to soften into panic as you remain silent, his body beginning to retreat slightly in worry. But you don’t want him to leave you again.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” His face contorted into regret, “I shouldn’t have said anything, I just—!”

You cut him off with your own lips, having to pull him down and tip-toe in order to kiss him forcefully until his protests die on his tongue.

When you pull away, his eyes look even hungrier, and the warmth from his body is almost too much to bear, but you don’t get a say before he’s shoving you against the wall with his whole weight, your body pressed up tightly against him as he grips onto your wrists roughly and full on groans, lips finding your lips again and kissing you deeply this time, his touch scorching hot against your skin.

You can barely contain your own moans, still aware in the back of your mind of the people who still surround the two of you, trying desperately not to make a squeak as your older brother desperately pokes and prods against your mouth with his own thick tongue like a man starved.

Until you feel something below stir against you, and then you can’t contain the yelp of surprise that escapes you.

Everything is so unbearably hot, every breath you take just smells like Pheonix, a slightly ashy, sweaty scent that has your head swirling.

Somehow you know he’s wanted this for a long time because of the way he grips and touches every part of you desperately, an eagerness in his touch you’ve never seen before, but only felt in his eyes in the past. Everything seemed to click into place the more your brother felt you in places that should have been forbidden; why he suddenly seemed so distant, why he hesitated to do things the two of you used to do previously.

Phoenix finally pauses in his frantic touching to pull back slightly, eyes taking in the sight of you in front of him, lips flushed and messy, clothes wrinkled and ruffled.

“Are you… Okay?” He pants out, and you can’t help but giggle.

“I’m more than okay,” You say teasingly.

You savour the way Pheonix’s face breaks into a relieved smile, teeth glinting white in the dark closet.

“Whew,” He breathes, and his intense expression has lifted, replaced by his usual easiness as he looks at you adoringly.

The two of you don’t say a word about how wrong this is, don’t dare to even think of how you’ll handle this in the future, but when Pheonix brings you in firm embrace and kisses the top of your head, all you do is sigh contently, happy to finally have your brother back.

Word count : 1433

[darkstar225]

Twice's 10th member has bulimia, unnies are on their way!

A/N: Heyyy, I'm coming up with a lot of stuff for you guys so I can make up for the time I'm gone lol! Sry for taking so long to post :D I hope that my friend twwicceee, who gave me this idea on Wattpad likes it! :)

The request: ohh if you want i can tell you about "bullamia" it is a eating disorder in which the person eats food but they throw it up later intentionally cuz they feel insecure about their weight and body (just like anorexia nervosa) so you can do a chapter in which the youngest 10th member is throwing up in the washroom in night and all the members noticed it so they all confront her about it!😭😭🤝 idk like if u like, just a idea💗

PS: Tysm for everyone who reads what I write, I hope I can bring a smile to your faces every time I post! I'd like to thank whoever sent me this idea 'cause I loved to write it <3

__________________________________________________________

It was well past midnight when Y/N found herself hunched over the toilet bowl in the dimly lit bathroom of their dormitory. Her stomach heaved, and she couldn't stop the tears that stung her eyes. Her secret was her tormentor, a relentless force that had her in its grip for far too long.

For months, TWICE's flower had been struggling with an eating disorder, a battle she had been silently waging against herself. Bulimia had taken hold of her life, a cruel and destructive cycle of bingeing and purging that left her feeling trapped and ashamed.

TWICE, the beloved K-pop girl group she had the privilege of being a part of, had been oblivious to her struggle. Y/N was the youngest and 10th member, a talented and vibrant young woman in her early twenties. She had always been the cheerful, supportive, and positive presence in the group, and she was determined to keep her secret hidden.

But tonight, the facade cracked. She had pushed herself too far, indulging in a binge that had left her stomach painfully full. Panic and self-loathing had set in, and she had retreated to the bathroom, desperate to purge the excess calories and shame.

As the younger girl retched into the toilet, she heard a faint noise from the hallway. The sound of footsteps, hushed whispers, and concern. Panic surged through her as she realized that she was no longer alone.

Momo had been the first to notice the maknae's absence from her room. She had been restless, unable to sleep, and a nagging feeling had led her to check on her fellow member. When she saw the bathroom light on and heard the distressing sounds from inside, her heart sank.

Quickly, Momo alerted the other members. They gathered outside the bathroom, worry etched on their faces. Jihyo, the group's leader and Y/N's omma, stepped forward and gently knocked on the door. 

Jihyo - Honey, are you okay in there?

Y/N froze, her heart pounding in her chest. She knew she couldn't hide this any longer, but she wasn't ready to face her demons. She wiped her mouth and flushed the toilet before opening the door. Her eyes were red from crying, and she avoided their concerned gazes.

Y/N - I'm fine... *mumbling while trying to sound as convincing as possible*

But the members could see through her façade. Sana, Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu exchanged worried glances while Mina, who had her own history of mental health struggles, stepped forward and took her little sister's hand. 

Mina - Thank you for letting us be here with you, darling. We're always available to support you.

The floodgates opened, and Y/N couldn't hold back her tears any longer. She felt a mix of relief and fear as she finally admitted her struggle. 

Y/N - I... I have a problem. I've been struggling with bulimia.

Nayeon, ever perceptive, reached out and placed a gentle hand on her kid's shoulder. 

Nayeon - My love, you don't have to pretend with us. We're here for you.

Over the next few days, TWICE's sunshine began to open up to her fellow older sisters about her battle with bulimia. She shared the painful details of her struggles, the shame that had kept her silent, and the overwhelming fear of judgment. The members listened, offered their love and support, and encouraged her to seek professional help.

Jihyo took charge of the situation, researching treatment options and finding a therapist who specialized in eating disorders. Y/N was initially hesitant, but with the unwavering support of her TWICE family, she agreed to attend therapy sessions.

The road to recovery was not easy. The youngest faced the harsh reality of confronting her eating disorder head-on, and it was a painful journey filled with setbacks and tears. But with each step she took, she knew she wasn't alone. Her unnies were her pillars of strength, offering their love and encouragement every step of the way.

They also made changes in their daily routines to support Y/N. Mealtimes became a time for bonding, not just for nourishment. They cooked together, shared stories, and ensured that their little star felt comfortable and supported during meals. It was a small but significant change that made a world of difference to TWICE's angel.

Months passed, and Y/N's progress was slow but steady. She attended therapy diligently, and her therapist helped her unpack the emotional baggage that had contributed to her eating disorder. She learned healthier ways to cope with stress and anxiety, and her support system within TWICE was always there to cheer her on.

One evening, as the sun set and cast a warm glow over their dormitory, TWICE gathered in the living room for a movie night. Y/N, who had made significant progress in her recovery, sat comfortably among her friends. She smiled as they laughed and enjoyed each other's company.

Nayeon and Jihyo, who had taken on the roles of the maknae's confidants and protectors, wrapped their arms around the younger member's shoulders. 

Nayeon - You've come a long way, luv. We're so proud of you.

Y/N nodded, her eyes shining with gratitude. 

Y/N - I couldn't have done it without all of you, unnies. You saved my life.

Sana, Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu chimed in with words of encouragement and love, offering their unwavering support. It was clear that their bond had transformed into something even stronger, a sisterhood that could weather any storm.

As they settled in to watch the movie, Y/N felt a warmth in her heart that went beyond the comforting glow of the room. She had faced her darkest demons with the unwavering support of her TWICE family, and she knew that, together, they could overcome anything. And as the unnies looked at their petite fighter's expression, they shared a single thought:

I am proud of our dear maknae.

And the writer behind the screen had something similar in mind:

I am proud of my dear readers.

A/N: I'm sorry for any errors, English is not my first language. Pls, let me know if there is something wrong, ty for reading <3

[gusherguy]

could you possibly write an emeto scenario with monoma being sick and overdramatic and kendo having to deal with it? (also i hope you wouldnt mind if one of the emeto scenes happened in class or something like that-)

(okay i know this is rly old i just couldn't stand bnha for like 5 months there. all characters are 18 and in their final year btw)

It was a typical day in the class 1-B lecture hall, with students taking notes and listening intently to the professor's lecture. Well, most of them were listening.

Since this morning, Monoma hadn't been listening to anyone, really. He'd been more of a disruption than usual. He kept insulting people, in a foul mood, and nothing Kendo said or did would keep him in line long. She was just relieved he was being normal in this class. At lunch, the young man had stopped acting up, instead retreating to eat sullenly by himself. Hopefully the quiet would last. It was their final year after all, and they needed to graduate without issues.

Monoma sat slouched in his chair, twirling his pencil. Even though he was quiet, inside he felt anything but. His stomach churned relentlessly, and he was forced to accept that this feeling wasn't hunger, since it didn't go away when he ate. These past few days Monoma's foul mood was only mirroring the foul feeling in his guts. He felt a sudden wave of nausea wash over him and his pencil twirling froze. One of the teachers had been complaining about a stomach flu….had he really caught it?

Kendo saw his restless wriggling out of the corner of her eye and sighed. She mentally prepared to have to deal with her classmate's troublemaking. But there was a completely different kind of trouble brewing.

Monoma clutched his abdomen, desperately trying to suppress the rising urge to vomit, but it proved to be futile. His stomach gurgled like a pot of chili. The pressure became unbearable, and he knew he couldn't hold it back any longer.

In a moment of panic, Monoma hastily stood up from his seat, drawing the attention of her nearby classmates. "Hrrrp…..HHHLLRRPPP…." Pale and sweaty, he stumbled toward the door, his hand pressed against his mouth in a feeble attempt to contain the impending eruption. He kept gagging, but kept swallowing it back. With every step, his gait became more unsteady, his body struggling against the force of his sickness. Finally, unable to withstand the mounting pressure any longer, Monoma's defenses crumbled. The putrid contents of his stomach surged upwards, a vile mixture of half-digested food, stomach acid, and bile. "uRGLLLLLP!" The expulsion was sudden and violent, as his mouth opened wide, releasing an uncontrollable torrent of vomit.

The foul expulsion splattered onto the floor and a sharp odor permeated the air, assaulting the noses of the students. "Ohhhh I don't feel good…." Monoma let himself go down to his knees as his body rocked forward with the force of his heaves. "Ughh….hhhlURRRPGGhh! Huuurrrkkkkk!" The noise of retching echoed through the classroom, a chorus of disgust and sympathy emanating from the startled classmates. The sheer force of the regurgitation caused small splatters to land on Monoma's clothing and nearby desks, adding to the repugnant scene. He whined and spat, making a mess everywhere. "Ohh, oh god, I feel so bad…"

"Oh no, Monoma," Kendo sighed in concern as she witnessed her classmate getting violently ill. She was the first to walk over to him, patting his back reassuringly. "Come on, you need to see the nurse. Let's get moving." She felt a little bit bad for assuming he was just going to make trouble again when he was obviously so ill.

Monoma, quivering and nauseous, gagged a few times before he nodded. "Mnnnn….ugh. Kendo….help me walk? I'm so shaky…." he whined as drool and chunks ran down his chin. He wasn't even playing it up to be dramatic this time - his knees were shaking, threatening to drop him, and his cheeks kept puffing up.

Kendo shook her head but helped him. Using her giant hand, she all but carried the sickly boy down the hall to the nurse's. He started to belch wetly, making dangerous gurgling sounds in his throat. Kendo looked at him and said with mock seriousness "If you throw up on me, you're walking."

"Ughh….hurk! Like I can help it…." Monoma whined. Then he retched loudly and clapped his hands to his mouth, trying to hold back the tidal wave. Runny mush seeped between his fingers and he looked devastated. The disgusting feeling was enough to make him vomit more and more.

Kendo shook her head and held him over a trashcan. She couldn't actually be mad at him when he was so obviously ill. Monoma got up a few mouthfuls of rancid vomit and sighed. His stomach was empty now, and even though he was feverish, he felt much better. "Can you make it to the nurse's? Good." Kendo said when he was done. Thank goodness he hadn't actually vomited on her. The floor hadn't been so lucky….

Kendo dropped her classmate off on a cot in the nurse's office. He curled up, cradling his stomach, and let out a shuddering sigh. "Itsuka….thank you…." he murmured thickly as his eyes fluttered shut.

She paused at the door. Then with a warm smile, she shook her head. "Get some rest, you dork."

[zairas-realm-gateway]

cw: slight mental health rant and slight mention of resisting self harm

I dunno what's wrong with me recently.

The past two weeks or so, I've just had terrible mental health.

I'm lonely and sad all the time but also don't have the social battery to talk to people or even RP.

And recently I've just been really down on myself. I don't feel creative enough or inventive enough. Or smart or skilled. When RPing, I always feel my replies are dumb and boring and depressing (because I'm a depressed bitch). and a good chunk of time I just wonder why people RP with me.

I *know* this is all wrong. I've had many RP partner tell me they love writing with me so my style or characterization must be enjoyable. I've made lots of nice friends who genuinely enjoy what I write and draw. So why do I feel so negative and pathetic lately?!

So, really, I know all this negativity is internal.

I don't want to be depressing on main but sometimes I just need to get all this root rot out of my brain but I just need to scream because it's so much. I can't stand being in my mother's house anymore. I feel like I am going insane. My body desperately wants to revert to my old coping mechanism of biting myself, pulling my hair, and clawing my skin open. But I put so many years of hard work into not doing those things anymore. But it's such a struggle not to when just hearing my mother's voice makes me want to scream and throw things (I do neither though).

I keep wanting to vent and bitch about my life to my friends but the friendships are new and fresh. I don't want to smother them with this soulcrushing anguish that wells up into my head every fucking day the past two weeks. My friends are going through their hardships. I have a nice warm roof over my head, food to eat, and I'm starting to move to a new apartment. so, what do I have to complain about? Why can't I just calm down and stop being so stupid?!

I think this whole moving into my new apartment and unable to have energy to convert to creative projects is making me feel jumbled up inside. I'm caught between sleeping at my parent's house and moving stuff into the apartment.

I just feel so tangled into rotting knots every fucking day

[matenrou-fan]

Hi!!! Loved reading your headcanons about Reader's first time with Rosho and Sasara :-) Could you write some headcanons maybe about Rosho and Sasara both dating fem reader (at the same time, like the one request you did with Sasara and Samatoki)? Would be super great, thank you dear!!❤️

Sasara x fem! s/o x Rosho general HC

Hiii!! Ohh sweetheart thank you, I'm glad you liked it!! <3

femreader, fluff, just wholesome stuff;;

-Ooh.. Doesn't matter if you're as calm as Rosho or as goofy as Sasara, it would be chaos anyway..

-Especially for Rosho, who would always act annoying, like 'how I ever ended up with these two..'. Yet it's clearly visible that he's actually happy.

-After he meets Sasara after comedy school and joins his team, he feels more relaxed, finally being able to mend fences with him.

-And Sasara was also glad to get everything back as it was before… Yet now they two have you by their side.

-So now, when you all get into a romantic relationship.. well, Rosho does feel like a single mom sometimes.

-Cause Sasara just has a talent to get into troubles and lure you with himself too. And maybe he would hear more scolding from Rosho but you were able to calm everything down before it turned from a silly accident into some real conflict.

-Despite you smooth things over between your three, sometimes seeing and joining these little stories was actually funny.

-"Sasara, maybe you should stop eating so many sweets, do you? I know it's gifts from your fans, yet still.." - you sigh disappointedly when you and Rosho visit your boyfriend during the break between his performances.

"Don't worry! You know why we, comedians, don't have much trouble eating?" - Sasara giggled, sipping his melon cream soda. - "Because everything we do in-jest!"

"You're not in a stage right now, so cut it out..!"

-Rosho would be the more protective one, always sending you both messages to not forget to relax and get a lunch break every day (and absolutely ignoring Sasara's morning punches, only answering on your texts).

-Yet he himself sometimes gets too carried away and pushes his limits too much. So of course you and Sasara also love to visit him during lunch time in school.

-"Rosho..! Come on, move away all this paperwork.." - you get inside his cabinet with furrowed brows. - "I brought you some food.."

"And I brought you some fulfilling jokes so your lunch would taste funny..!" - Sasara looked over your shoulder.

-And despite Rosho always acting like he's too tired for your waggish behavior, he does appreciate you both. Because even someone as organized and calm as Rosho needs some chaos in his life.

-And sometimes he suddenly gets so romantic and passionate, placing soft kisses on your and Sasara's foreheads.

-"I.. I am so glad to have you with me.." - your boyfriend mumble shyly yet so sincere. Even Sasara gets silent, unable to make a pun in such touchfull moment and pull you both in a hug.

"It's more like we two are glad to have you.. As you the one who's always stopping us from getting too silly.." - also in a low calm tone, Sasara whispered with a soft giggle.

"Aren't we just complete each other? That's what I always feel.. Like you two complete my soul.." - you also smile, hugging your lovers.

-.. please don't remind Rosho about this as he gets all flustered the next day, too ashamed of his own words.

-When Sasara gets more clingy for you two. He doesn't mind showing his love and care but more in a goofy way, leaning like a cat and keeping touchy, hugging Rosho here and there, or peppering your whole face with kisses.

-Especially when you all stayed overnight in his place. Would jump around the bed, as he wants to lay between you two, then wants you to be in the middle, then wants to pay more attention to his boyfriend..

-"Sasara, just lay down and try to fall asleep.." - Rosho mumbled with a tired face. - "I should already be sleeping.."

"Sorry, sorry..! Know why I'm actually keeping running around my bed? To catch up on your sleep..!" - Sasara giggled and dropped down next to you with a wild smile. - "Damn, s/o, I ran so fast I forgot my next pun – do you have something to jog my memory..?"

"Only a kiss to make you fall asleep.." - you chuckle, pulling him under blankets.

"Hm? I think I'm the one who deserves some kisses here.. For being so patient.." - Rosho murmurs, half asleep, hugging you from behind.

-There's so many soft and so many stupid moments in your relationship.. And you loved both sides, as all memories about your two boyfriend get deep in your heart.. Along with their memories about you, as both Sasara and Rosho value you and each other more than anything in this life, and want you to know it through all their actions - from goofy jokes to deep talks..

+kinda bonus? I can see Rei being a naughty ass when he gets to know about your poly relationship, joking how lucky his teammates are and teasing you to let him play along and be your third boyfriend..

"Can't believe you just con a conman and capture such a cutie from under my nose..!"

.. both Sasara and Rosho try to never let you meet this old man again..

[ratmuffintherapy]

Hey! Discovered your blog as I was scrolling through tags and I have a request!

Eddie Munson of course. Love of my life. I was thinking reader could be Dustin’s older sister, but maybe a year younger than Eddie, so he doesn’t really know her or see her. She’s a pretty badass nerd and proud of it. Into the same music Eddie is, loves to read and write, into classic movies and most importantly, D&D - not that she would ever tell Dustin that since she knows he would BEG her to play all the time. And so, when Lucas goes to the bball came opposed to Eddie’s campaign, reader overhears Dustin freaking out with Mike and she decides to jump in and help. Eddie teases her at first just like with Erica and she has a badass moment and helps them win. After Eddie asks her out and it’s super cute, fluffy.

MY VERY FIRST REQUEST! thank you for the request, anon! i hope you like it! word count: 2,431 warning: fluff, cursing note: y/h/c = your hair color. bolded words in the middle of an imagine are lines taken directly from the show. do you guys want a part 2? i think this could be a great series!

"Dustin! Hurry up, or else the y/n mobile is saying bye bye without you!" I yelled up the staircase, huffy because my little brother was taking a million years to get downstairs. This was a daily occurrence and I was honestly fed up with it. He was always either feeding Yurtle or caught up in whatever he was doing for Hellfire club that day. Today, he couldn't find his Hellfire shirt.

"HOLD ON AND STOP BEING SO MEAN TO ME!" I rolled my eyes and tapped my fingers together anxiously, checking my watch. Objects clattered and crashed upstairs and I could imagine my brother throwing things around his room like the drama king he was.

"Patience, honey, patience." My mom tousled my hair as she walked by.

"Moooom, I was going to meet up with my friends for Rebecca's birthday this morning and now I'm not going to be able to give her the present I got her until this weekend because he's being stupid."

Mom stroked Mews and handed me a piece of toast. "Calm down and eat this. DUSTIN!! YOU'RE GIVING YOUR SISTER AN ANEURYSM!"

"I'M COMING! SHIT!"

"LANGUAGE!"

His feet thundered as he ran down the hall and down the stairs. He threw on his hat and his wrinkled Hellfire shirt and I smacked him. "Finally! Get in the car!" I took a huge stress bite out of the piece of toast and kissed mom on the cheek.

"Have a great day at school, kids!"

"Remember mom, I have Hellfire tonight!" Dustin ran to the car, backpack bouncing, and I ran after him.

We jumped into my shitty car, and I kicked it into gear.

"Every morning you make me stress eat because you make us late, dude."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry y/n, Mews hid my shirt under a pile of shit so I couldn't find it, I promise I'm going to be on time from now on."

I sighed, unable to stay mad at my brother for long. He's only two years younger than me, him being a freshman and me being a junior, but I still see him as my baby brother. I tapped the front of his baseball cap and smiled.

"That better be a promise." Dustin smiled his toothy grin at me.

--

We pulled into the Hawkins High parking lot. Dustin jumped out of the car while I was still rolling to a stop.

"Dustin! Don't do that!" I yelled out the window and people turned to look.

"Idiot." I grumbled under my breath and I parked the car. I grabbed my backpack and ran inside. I saw my friends and grinned, seeing my best friend of ten years, Rebecca, all dolled up for her birthday.

"Babe!!" Rebecca turned with a smile and I gave her the biggest hug. "Happy birthday!! Here, I made this for you!"

I dug the photo album I put together out of my bag and handed it to her. I had spent hours and hours on that thing, asking her mom and my mom for pictures we had taken together over the years, and put it into this scrapbook and decorated it with stickers and glitter and ribbons.

"Y/n!" Rebecca looked up at me in the middle of flipping through the pages, teary-eyed.

"Don't you dare cry, Rebecca Fedson. If you cry, I'll cry and it is too early for that."

She embraced me in a huge hug and I hugged her back, smiling into her hair. "I love you y/n."

--

Eddie's POV

"Babe!" I heard a familiar voice rush past me and a blur of y/h/c hair flew by. I turned to see if it was who I thought it was.

Y/n. I watched as she hugged her friends and gave her friend a... birthday present? Yeah. A birthday present. I had admired y/n from a distance for years now, ever since I saw her in the halls as a freshman. Back then, I was a sophomore and her smile was what caught my eye. I once had asked Dustin if she knew her, him being younger and more likely to know, and he had looked me quizzically and told me that was his older sister. After that, I occasionally saw her around the halls, but I never dared to approach her. She was always with a friend or two, and at lunch she was surrounded by friends who adored her and who she adored. She was popular, but not like Jason and those assholes. She was... nice. She had caught your eye a few times when you noticed her, and she smiled at you. Nobody smiled at you. Except for the Hellfire club, of course. But other than them, no one ever smiled at Eddie Munson, the self-proclaimed freak. But she did, and sometimes even raised her fingers in a shy wave. I think she knew who I was through Dustin. She probably also saw my Hellfire shirt, on days that I matched with Dustin, and put two and two together. I tried to be as cool as possible, but just the sight of her made me--confident, doesn't-care-about-anyone Eddie--nervous.

I watched y/n and her friend hug each other tight as her friend clung onto the gift y/n had given her. Y/n was always so thoughtful. So nice. But of course, I didn't dare do anything. Not only because she was inaccessible to Eddie the Freak, but also because she was inaccessible to me as Dustin's sister.

--

Y/n's POV

The day went by normally. Just class, occasionally seeing my friends if we had class together. I wasn't a star student, but I was good enough and enjoyed school enough. Overall, I was content at Hawkins High.

I met Dustin outside the school at the end fo the day, only to find him sitting dejectedly with Mike.

"What's up, guys?" I asked, shifting my backpack on my shoulder.

"I hate high school." Dustin mumbled.

"Whoa, what's going on? Did something happen?"

Mike sighed. "Eddie isn't letting us move Hellfire tonight for Lucas's game, which means that Lucas won't be at the campaign, and without someone to replace him, we can't play."

"We've been trying to find a replacement all day, but no one wants to play D&D."

The two boys slumped on the wall, pouting. I crossed my arms, thinking. Dustin didn't know it--no one did, but I had been dying to play D&D for a while now. When Dustin got really into it, I got a gameplay book to see what his obsession was all about, and as a nerd myself, who loves fantasy novels and movies, I got pretty sucked into it. I knew all the characters, all the rules. I kept this a secret from Dustin because I knew that if he found out, he would incessantly bother me about playing. I sighed, coming to a conclusion.

"I can be your substitute."

Dustin and Mike's heads shot up, surprised.

"What? You don't even know the rules or what a campaign is, or anything. How would you be the sub?" Dustin asked incredulously.

I ran my fingers through my hair before telling him, "I actually have wanted to play for years now. I know everything there is to know about D&D. I just didn't tell you because you'd be annoying about it."

Dustin's eyes widened as he dramatically grasped Mike's arm.

"No. Fucking. Way." Mike stared at me, open-mouthed.

Dustin slowly got up. "You're telling me," He breathed, "That you've kept this a secret from me? All these years?" He clutched his chest, "My dear sister! Who are you!"

I rolled my eyes and smacked him. "You keep this up, and I'm taking it back."

"Nononono, come on! We can go introduce you to the club right now!" Dustin grabbed my hand and dragged me behind him. I laughed and ran behind him and Mike followed me to Hellfire club.

--

Eddie's POV

I was finishing setting up today's campaign in the classroom when the door slammed open. My head jerked up to see Dustin and Mike standing in front of me, and.... and Y/N.

"And who is this?" I slowly smiled at y/n as her eyes lit up in recognition.

My breath hitched as she stepped around Dustin and walked towards me. She held out her hand and said, "I don't think we've officially met before. I'm y/n."

I smiled and took her hand in both of mine. "Please to meet you, princess, I'm Eddie."

I swear I saw her color a little as she smiled at me. We stood there like that for a moment until Dustin finally said, "Alright, that's enough, break it up. Eddie, this is y/n, my sister, and she's going to be Lucas's replacement."

Wait. What? I let go of her hand and took a step back. "No way miss y/n, miss popular knows how to play. Nope. Sorry princess, but that's not gonna happen." I crossed my arms.

Y/n raised her brows at me and took a step forward to close the gap that I had made.

"Well I'm offended Eddie, you don't think I'm smart enough to play your little game?" I furrowed my brows and retorted, "No it's not that, it's just that I don't trust people who run with the crowd you run with. Little miss thing can't possibly actually want to play, and we don't play with people who are just here for sympathy, to do charity work for the freaks and losers."

Mike and Dustin stood enraptured, their heads switching back and forth between us to look at us as we spoke.

Y/n rolled her eyes at me and retorted, "Trust me, I don't trust the crowd I run in either. But like you didn't choose who you're friends with, I didn't choose either." I gave her an incredulous look. "Listen, ask me anything you want. I've been studying the playbook for years now. I bet I know more than you."

"Alright, Henderson, you asked for it."

I shot off questions rapid-fire. To my surprise, y/n answered all of them with ease and confidence. She even looked bored. As she answered more and more questions correctly, my eyebrows went higher and higher on my face until I thought they would fall off.

"You done yet, Munson?" Y/n studied her nails and glanced up at me.

I paused for a second. Then I grinned. Holding out a hand, I said, "Welcome to the team, y/n Henderson."

--

Y/n's POV

"Come on, come ON!!" I bent over the table, watching Dustin rattle the dice in his hands. We were on the last leg of the campaign, and we needed one last thing to beat Eddie's long, complicated campaign.

It was like slow-motion. Dustin released his hands and the dice bounced across the table. The numbers spun around and around until...

"YES!" I pumped my arms up in the air and attacked my brother with a hug. Everyone cheered and high-fived, and I laughed as I watched them lose their shit over Dustin. I glanced over at Eddie and caught his eye. He was standing, arms crossed, smiling tenderly at me. I inhaled sharply and smiled back at him.

I walked over to join him on the other side of the table and smiled at the sight of the Hellfire club celebrating their win. Eddie nudged me with his elbow.

"Not bad, baby girl. You really impressed me today. Never would have chalked you up to be a nerd."

I nudged him back, "Well, don't judge a book by its cover, Munson."

He turned to face me, and I looked up to meet his doe-eyes. He smiled gently down at me and bit his lip. He ran his hand through his hair nervously.

"You know, y/l/n, I've... uh, I've," Eddie stammered and took a deep breath, "I've always been quite taken by you." His words rolled out as if they were one, and he looked down shyly.

My heart pounded as I heard him say that. He didn't know it, but ever since Dustin joined Hellfire and started talking about Eddie, I had watched him from afar. At first, it was to make sure that the guy my brother was hanging out with wasn't doing anything sketchy, but then it quickly became a crush. I mean, who wouldn't, with those eyes, those dimples, that famous long black hair?

It took all the courage in me to reach out and take his hand, which was fidgeting with his many silver rings. Our fingers met, and I heard Eddie give out a small gasp.

"I never would have known, but if I had known, I would have told you..." I tucked my hair behind my ear, "That I am also quite taken by you."

Eddie held my hand tighter. He was still looking down at his shoes, and I couldn't read what was going on in that beautiful head of his.

"Eddie? Say something." I said quietly.

He looked up at me. His eyes sparkled in the dim light. His face slowly broke out into a smile, lighting it up in a way I have never seen anyone's face light up.

"Well, well, well. Who would've thunk?" Eddie laughed breathily and I giggled. He finally took my other hand and we stood facing each other like that for a second.

"Y/n, would you... possibly want to.... go out with me sometime?" I grinned at him, unable to contain my happiness, "I'd treat you real nice." Eddie added and smiled back at me. I threw my arms around his neck and I felt Eddie pause, and then snake his arms around my waist.

"Yes, please." I whispered into his ear, and he held me tighter.

"I'll call you tonight, then. For the details." Eddie whispered back.

I pulled back and beamed at Eddie. Eddie Munson. Eddie Munson and me. That just sounded so right for some reason.

I snapped back to reality as the group of jumping and cheering boys jumped over to us and enveloped us in shouts. Eddie laughed and tousled Dustin's curly hair, and smiled back up at me.

"Alright, alright boys, let's calm down before adults come looking for what's causing this ruckus."

Eddie held my gaze and winked at me, ever so subtly. My heart skipped a beat, not-so-subtly. He mouthed, I'll call you later, princess. And I couldn't imagine what I could want more than that.

[mestruazioni]

my dad told me to write a book about this past week but I don't have the strength so I'm gonna make a tumblr post about it.

starting wednesday: my great aunt dies. she was 88, so it's fine, just terribly depressing she died in a nursing home because her husband refused to have her at home in her last days. her husband, who has always been a control freak and the most stingy person I will ever meet, is Going Through It.

he's letting me and my mom and aunts do what we need to do for the showing, but he's controlling it all and yelling. the stingy part comes out when he asks the funeral director if the fridge connected to the coffin with his wife's body inside must stay connected to the electricity and must stay on. laughter ensues. honestly, thank god he asked in advance, otherwise he definitely would have pulled it out of the outlet. I can just imagine walking into his house the next day with the smell of rotting corpse. next day, he gets a 40° fever that simply won't go down.

aunts and everyone else starts going "please please don't make us have a double funeral". he is yelling blasphemy as they take his temperature multiple times a day. it's also worth saying he recently got his bladder removed and so now he pees in a bag. since he's a cheapskate, he doesn't empty it in the toilet, otherwise he'll have to flush and water is expensive I guess. so every couple of hours he wants to go in the garden and fuckin. piss in there. he falls down as he goes, hurts his ribs. fever goes up again. doc says ribs are okay. sure. fine. okay. fever goes down and up throughout the next four days. we're all worried sick, but luckily it doesn't get worse than that.

anyway. funeral happens on friday. it's sad, of course it's sad. when I get home, I start feeling sick. I realize I probably dressed too lightly for the weather. I wanted to serve cunt to a funeral and I paid the price. the toilet becomes my best friend. my cousin calls me, "I'm throwing up". oh shit, we realize, it's not cuz I was dressed too lightly! we both got a virus! I spend the entirety of friday night shitting and being unable to sleep. I get a light fever. saturday goes the same way.

"fuck," I say, as I remember I was supposed to go to my week-long spa holiday on sunday. I can't go. I can't get into thermal baths with diarrhea. I can't drive the 2 hours required to get there, I can barely get out of bed.

so I call the hotel. "I had a loss in my family" I say, instead of "I'm shitted me body and soul". "could I postpone my visit to next sunday?" I ask. they say "sorry for your loss! of course! it's no problem! we'll see you next sunday! so sorry for your loss again!" they say it so many times I start to think they themselves murdered my aunt. anyway, cool, see you next sunday.

the night between sunday and monday, I go to sleep at 6AM. I spend the entirety of the night tossing and turning, my legs killing me from the pain. never felt anything like it. got out of bed, barely made it down the stairs, got some painkillers, managed to sleep. in the meantime, my mother is worried sick for me.

I spend the week dealing with leg pain and eating nothing, I just don't feel hunger, I lose 2kgs. I go to work and spend entire days doing nothing, since I have next to nothing to do. I was supposed to be in a spa, after all. at some point, the cat throws up next to my head while I was sleeping.

I call the hotel again, just to make sure everything is okay and the new booking actually went through. they say yes, everything is fine, we'll see you on sunday. yes my friends. yes you will. I can't wait for you.

anyway.

it's finally friday! can't believe I'm finally going away on sunday, I can already feel the warmth of the thermal baths, the smell of the salt, the sauna... but no.

my car breaks. it's not moving. the motor light comes out and says HELP ME HELP ME I CANT BREATHE. I get it to a mechanic. we gotta change a part of the motor. do not even ask me what it is because I don't know. I never learned and never will. I just know where water and gas go, the rest is science I'm not mentally equipped to understand. long story short, the car can't be used.

I gotta rent a car.

I find one. my dad says he's gonna pay for it. love you my man. alright, let me put in your credit card info and we're good to go.

saturday I shit my soul again. "It's okay", I say, "this time you really were dressed too lightly" I say. I'm not gonna be sick at the spa, I'm not gonna reschedule again.

in the meantime, my mom gets paranoia. "too many things went wrong" she says, "you shouldn't leave. you didn't get a virus, it's probably a bacteria in the water. and you're going to thermal baths. it's going to be bad. don't go. please" I say MOTHER I AM BEGGING YOU DO NOT GIVE ME MORE ANXIETY

it's sunday now. let's go get this rented car and let's go to the hotel. my dad takes me to the rental place. I get checked in, everything goes okay. can't wait to try a new car! it's going to be so fun.

"we need the credit card of the main driver" the lady says. gurl. I don't have a credit card, I have a debit card. my dad says "use mine", the lady says "no it has to be registered to the main driver. it's in our terms and conditions" aw fuck! I'm an idiot! funny thing is, not only did I not read the terms and conditions, I didn't even know my card was a debit card. I thought it was credit. good day! good brain. adult.

fuck.

"I can give you a manual car, that way we won't need a card" girl I can't even keep queen's we will rock you beat, you think I'm capable of driving manual? no! I'm an idiot! I got the notif of when neil gaiman reblogged one of my posts tattooed on my body forever! I'm an impulsive idiot!!!!! I can't drive manual!!!!!!!

so we call the call center to cancel the booking. it takes 15 minutes. my anxiety attack is worsening. we manage to cancel it and get our money back, but now we need to find a new place to rent a car. thank god my dad didn't just drop me off and drive away. I'm holding his hand as he tells me it's all gonna be okay.

we find a new place to rent a car. they have a cool car and it's automatic. they accept debit cards. thank god. "you gotta pay for insurance, if nothing happens to the car we'll give it back to you when you get back" alright cool.

payment doesn't go through. ahah it's okay it happens sometimes let's try again.

payment doesn't go through. let's try actually inserting the card shall we

payment doesn't go through.

at this point I'm in full anxiety attack. what did I do. why doesn't the universe want me to go on this vacation. I have the money, I know I do, why isn't it going through? I am a failure.

"listen I'm going to make an exception and let your dad pay even if the card isn't in your name"

oh. oh lady. you gave me a "oh. oh." fanfic moment. absolute unit of a queen. total rebel. friend shaped. saint among mortals.

I finally get the fucking keys to the fucking car. I hug my dad, put on my playlist, fall in love with the car, call my dad to say "if you ever want to change cars consider this one". I work for Volkswagen now.

I get to the hotel. so beautiful. there's an old doggo at the entrance, she's gorgeous and fluffy and fun and lets me pet her belly. I find out it's actually the hotel's doggo. blessed place!!!!!

go to the receptionist, tell them my name and everything. they can't find me.

they can't. fucking. find me.

I don't even have the will to get anxious anymore. I'm just. done. it makes sense, I think. murphy's law hit me with a car, put it in reverse, ran me over another time and a few more times after that.

I am as tired as the senior doggo at the entrance is. I see the pool from the reception. I ache. there are four people at the reception now trying to find my fucking name in their servers.

"don't worry" they say, "we have availability, we just can't understand what happened"

I don't know whether to cry or cry at this point. they talk between themselves for a bit, they give me a coffee, I make small talk and laugh at the situation with them.

"to make up for the mistake we upgraded your original room for a better one at the same price" oh my sweet darlings

they give me my keys. I get to the room.

I fall on the bed.

war is over.

I close my eyes.

I'm still extremely paranoid. something bad is going to happen again, I can sense it. can't quite place it, I just feel it lurking around. I'm supposed to start relaxing, why do I feel like something is getting ready to attack me?

"Ah porcodio" I say, "succession ends tonight."