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#every now and then i have energy to try to engage with new ppl but its so difficult when so many ppl are such insufferable edgelords !!!!
dandyshucks · 2 months
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blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl
#I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE BLOCKED ALREADY. i am TRYING to curate my experience 😭😭😭#and i have so many tags blacklisted fjdsjkl like. so many. every single variation of tag to do with those chuckleheads#which helps avoid them a lot of the time tbh bc it'll flag posts that ppl rb if the original post was tagged w any of those#so i can avoid rbing posts that have chuckleheads as the op most of the time#i also usually double check OP's blog before i rb stuff now bc man this place is rife with these weirdos#ANYWAYS. yes i want to try to engage w the community but i do not think i can handle it if theres gonna be so many edgelords jkdslfl#the only way i follow new ppl now is when yall do promo hour and i sometimes see a new face pop up fdsjkl#every now and then i have energy to try to engage with new ppl but its so difficult when so many ppl are such insufferable edgelords !!!!#''im the nasty pr-sh-pper your parents warned you about 😎'' cool man you sound like the most insufferably obnoxious person ever. :/#''if you like CENSORSHIP-'' i am hitting block immediately bc u have a fundamental misunderstanding of what censorship actually is 👍#I'M TIREDDDD WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB ABOUT THIS STUFF. ''fiction doesn't affect reality'' I GUESS PROPAGANDA DOESNT EXIST THEN ????#what a strange world they live in honestly. they dont understand how stories have served humans since the dawn of time. sighing loudly.#vent //#SORRY FOR THIS ONE IM JUST. ARGH. ppl talk abt encouraging community but i think maybe im not cut out for community#i want desperately to partake but i cannot handle it if it means dealing w all these bozos#it frustrates me to no end fdhsjkl and it upsets me so much and i wish i could deal w it better but. my nervous system is broken fdsjkl#i will try to expand my circle every now and then but i cannot do it often bc of this 😭 im not going to give up entirely though fdsjkl#(also this is partially why i dont tag my posts w community tags anymore bc i am just. so scared of these freaks getting their hands on it)#(the most i'll do is s.afeship or variations every now n then bc supposedly they're not in those tags fdsjkl)#delete later#dandyshucks
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scilifig · 9 months
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Hi guys long time no see! i feel extremely sad for not saying this earlier and honestly haven’t vent had the energy to write this, but I’ve been inactive for a while on this acc. I never rlly thought i would make this tweet, but im not as engaged in this fandom as i once was, partly due to my mental health not allowing me to enjoy as much as i used to, and other factors. Its honestly been so upsetting feeling myself slowly start to distance myself, and slowly not being updated on content, whereas in the past i would never miss a piece of content and it was the only thing i thought about. i no longer understand certain niche tweets about current content and have lost all energy to even bother to scroll tl. its honestly been such a journey trying to find myself and understand what i enjoy outside of this fandom, because for so long it has been the only thing going for me, and i feel like i had such a strong attachment to the cc’s i enjoyed, and found my health and headspace got worse when there wasn’t content, and was so anxiously attached to twitter and never wanted to miss out on anything, and i felt so left out all the time. honestly the meetup was one of the most joyous, beautiful, experiences, but also quite traumatic for me.
another thing i haven’t mentioned is the toll its had on my mental health being fixated on a content creator that is treated so terribly, and is seen as punching bag of the internet in most cases, and having to see discourse after discourse and seeing everything’s antis are saying was so draining. i feel like that ruined my mindset, because before i had twitter, i didn’t even know what antis were and i was enjoying content as it was, and honestly didn’t even know what stan twt was. i could talk about the negative effects this app has had on me, but i want to acknowledge the good.
i just want to say that i still absolutely love the dteam and i feel like i always will, they have been such a huge part of my life and i will forever be grateful to them, im so excited for new things coming and im so proud of dream and all the new music and future endeavours! i wish nothing but the best for them all, and will support them for a long time to come! i hope everyone in the fandom experiences so much love and happiness, and has so much more amazing content to enjoy!
i dont want to get too emotional, but i am truly so grateful for this community. it genuinely saved me and im not able to articulate it with words. I had no idea that there was such a community like this on the internet, that was so loving and accepting, so talented with so many incredible creatives and beautiful human beings. all of this made me feel loved in a way i never knew i could feel. i have met so many beautiful people that are now some of my best friends and i dont know what it would be like without them, and to all my mutuals and anyone thats ever interacted with me, thank you. i love you all so dearly, and the suppourt i have gotten on my art has felt unreal. i never understood why i even gained followers, and was honestly so shocked that ppl would see something i created, and like it enough to comment the nicest things imaginable. honestly im getting teary eyes while writing this and im sure that this format of writing might be a bit difficult to read and im rambling but thank you so much. if you have taken time to read this far!
i’ve been active on my private account posting about random life updates but also about other things i like, such as cartoons! i do spam alot over there and i totally understand not wanting to follow me if u dont share the same interests, but if u are interested in seeing me on ur tl, u can always follow! @/curlywurly1239
im not sure what i want to do with this acc as i dont want to annoy ppl with posting art other than what i was followed for, so i think ill leave it as is! i think ill still be on here sometimes to support my moots and talk every now and then, but not very frequently! again thank you so much i love you all so much, i hope u are all doing well, and if not, i hope u are treating urself kindly because you deserve the entire world and more, and you deserve love and care! tysm if u read all this im so grateful for you guys 💕
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singingrainbows · 1 year
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The people bullying ppl online and declaring everyone who doesn't participate in the boycott imoral, are behaving EXACTLY like the extremist vegans that this site loves to rag on.
Really it is so eerily similar.
Vegan extremists became so hated by the general public that they tainted the entire movement of veganism and vegatarianism for a lot of ppl.
They caused so many set backs to an otherwise good cause. I support veganism and vegetarianism, though I myself am not one; but my timeline often has posts filled with hate and bad faith arguments against it.
Yet the same ppl who dunk on vegans for the extreme stances of some, are now pushing those exact same extreme stances, and seem comepletely unaware of how dangerously close they are to flirting with hypocrissy.
Trans people are VALID! They deserve safety and support and acknowlegement.
Jewish ppl are valid and derserve safety and support and acknowlegement.
There are petitions and support groups and charities that could all use a boost and support.
But rather than spotlight those, and accepting that not everyone can or will boycot the game/HP merch for whatever reason, they bully and shout and declare anyone who even slightly disagrees with them a bad ally. There has even been suicide baiting!
Now there may be many reasons ppl ended up with the game and/or won't embrace a full boycut.
Maybe they were unaware of all the shit surrounding it when they bought the game.
Maybe they don't believe boycots work and would rather spend their energy supporting the movement in other ways. Because lets be clear, giving up something you love is fucking hard. It takes so much energy and commitment and willpower. Not everyone has the fortitude for that, but dismissing their potential to help in other ways is absurd.
Maybe they've got compassion fatigue. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compassion_fatigue (I've been there. I strained so hard to do everything right for everyone and every cause that I had a mental breakdown. It took almost a year to get back into activism again after that. I still have to pace myself.)
Maybe a million other things.
(Or maybe they're an asshole. But attacking them is not gonna change their mind. If they say something truly heinous, report and block.)
But regardless of the reasons bullying and hurtful/hateful language and statements is NOT OK!
Now I myself am in fact boycotting the game and the merch. I only engage in the fandom sandbox.
But there is a limit to how many boycots I can take. I haven't shopped in H&M or Zara for almost a decade. I try to steer clear of Amazon unless absoloutely necesscary. The list goes on.
This gets incredibly stressful, and that's not even counting the morality choices I have to weigh on every shopping trip, and even when throwing out my trash!
Sometimes I have to just say fuck it, I want that Haribo. Fuck it, I have zero energy to sort this shit for recycling, I'm binning it all. Fuck it, I'm not picking up other ppl's trash today, I'm leaving it in the road. And so on and so forth.
When I remember to pace myself and let myself have breaks from doing everything right, I get the energy to commit to the causes once more.
Now what was the point of that tangent? To illustrate that there's never just that ONE cause to pay attention to, and that not everyone can go all in on the one that's most important to you in the way that you want them to. That does not make them an enemy or a shitty ally with no value who can't be trusted!
Instead of trolling HP posts and sending JKR death threats and ranting at and shitting on would be allies, how about sharing petitions and links to charities and donating if you can.
How about making a post detailing all the things wrong with the game. Let ppl know the facts, but do NOT demand boycots or talk badly about the fans. Because if you do, then suddenly the focus in not where it should be. You will alienate potential allies, those against you will just come out stronger, and you will severely limit the amount of ppl who share it.
Now, here are some charities and petitions:
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underhercovers · 5 months
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Masking unknowingly for so long really has me questioning if I'm really being my true authentic self now, or did I just make up a new mask to be comfortable with 🤔🤔🤔 I'm so use to controlling every lil thing I do to not be perceived negatively, or so I don't weird out or embarrass everyone with me. I also realized masking is also part of the reason I have impostor syndrome, like I have to ask myself a series of questions about if I'm showing my real personality or if I'm just faking my personality, but I really am this bubbly girly pop gumdrop fairy🌈🧚🏾‍♀️💖. I'm so use to dimming my personality and letting others shine in fear of seeming attention seeking or making others insecure, but I can't and won't continue to be anything other then myself now. I love being care free of perception and just accepting that I do have it girl energy whether I'm trying to or not (and honestly I'm not trying at all, I JUST AM), but I think I did a good job of being myself the last time I was out, I accepted all compliments fully, I continued to keep posting for pictures while being perceived, I vibed and engaged with ppl, I felt really good about myself, I look forward to being more of myself 💖👸🏾💖
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fluffynexu · 4 years
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Astralignment
and the Korribani Calendar System
Before the arrival of the Exiles the native Sith on Korriban had their own system of keeping track of time. Over the years, this became standardized and refined and is still in use by a large portion of the modern Pureblood community. Since the ancient Sith were observant beings of their world, many of the names and symbols reflected their natural environment. All of these aspects go into what is known as a Sith’s astralignment (astro-alignment).
Since the Empire runs on Imperial Standard Time (IST), anything relating to Korriban or any other Imperial world is referred by the local time of that planet.
Compare a year on  Dromund Kaas to Korriban:
Dromund Kaas (everything in standard)
24 hours/day
312 days/year
7,488 hours/year
60 minutes = 1 hour
24 hours = 1 day
5 days = 1 week
7 weeks = 1 month
35 days = 1 month
8 months (+4 weeks and 4 holidays) = 1 year
312 (standard)days = 1 year
Korriban
28 (standard) hours/day
780 (local) days/year
21,840 (standard) hours/year
70 (standard and local) minutes = 1 hour
24 (local) hours = 1 day
10 (local) days = 1 week
6.5 (local) weeks = 1 month
65 (local) days = 1 month
12 (local) months = 1 year
780 (local) days = 1 year
This roughly makes 1 Korribani year approximately 2.9 [Dromund] Kaasi years.
Calendars
The days on Korriban are annotated on some versions of the Imperial calendar alongside the standard days.
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In this example, names of the days on the calendar reflect the IST. The black numbers indicate the date in IST, the red numbers represent the date of the Korribani calendar. Placement of the Korribani date indicate when that day begins in relation to the Kaasi one.
A. 00:00 is the same for both. B. 00:00 K starts at 04:00 DK. C. 00:00 K starts at 08:00 DK. D. 00:00 K starts at 12:00 DK. E. 00:00 K starts at 16:00 DK. F. 00:00 K starts at 20:00 DK. G. Loops back around and 00:00 K lines up 00:00 DK .
While seemingly complicated to some, most Sith have grown with this system of overlapping calendars and can easily tell the date by the positioning of the numbers in this format. 
There are of course, electronic versions where the date is shown simply:
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Since the Korribani month is longer than the Kaasi one, the dates will continue through the Kaasi months. These next two pictures show how long 1 Korribani month is in relation to a Kaasi one.
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There is also a version of the Korribani calendar that does not overlap with IST. These are used locally on the planet.
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The days of the Korribani week were named after major gods from the most widespread pantheon on the planet:
Ahmuriq, from Ahmurn: the creator god.
Marseriq, from Marserha: mother goddess of the Sith.
Bashariq, from Bashara: goddess of passion.
Teraiq, from Teral: god of protection and justice.
Iskarliq, from Iskarln: god(dess) of conflict and war.
Marduriq, from Mardur: patron god of the Massassi and strength.
Rusaniq, from Rusanel: goddess of knowledge.
Zefiriq, from Zefir: goddess of the hunt.
Shumariq, from Shumari: god of the harvest.
Goruiq, from Gorul: the trickster god(dess).
Months
There are numerous constellations in the Korribani sky. Twelves of these mark the months of the year as well as going into the astalignment. The 12 major, monthly constellations all depict local fauna from ancient fables and have certain characteristics that are commonly associated with them.
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1. Yuninchâtsutuyok, the jiminat and agzonûboj engaged in eternal conflict. Dedicated, ambitious, and insightful.
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2. Qyalatuyok, the qyalak. Calm, sentimental, and inquisitive.
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3. Badzuriqatuyok, the badzuriqash. Tenacious, practical, and direct.
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4. Kaarjontuyok, the kaarjontû. Spontaneous, contemplative, and observant.
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5. Tukatatuyok, the tukata. Loyal, respectful, and staunch.
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6. Hatyatuyok, the hatya. Articulate, perceptive, and adaptable.
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7. Lomaituyok, the lomait. Disciplined, fearless, and competitive.
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8. Dzushatuyok, the dzushaj. Private, calculating, and flexible.
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9. Mowhetuyok, the mowhef. Stern, traditional, and ruthless.
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10. Dyaltituyok, the dyaltir. Mischievous, studious, and charismatic.
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11. Jhan’dikanatuyok, the lost dikana. Creative, sociable, and resourceful.
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12. Niqoituyok, the niqoit. Erudite, cunning, and free-spirited.
Years
The years are also represented by local animals. No one, not even Sith scholars or historians, are sure of the origin of how these animals came to represent the years on Korriban’s calendar. It is one of the many parts of Sith culture that have been lost since it is believed this particular record has been passed down through oral tellings.
The years are kept track of in a 6-year cycle with each year emphasizing a likely success for the ones born in that year.
Chiroik - Wealth
Wokinai - Knowledge
Natûsh - Fame
Dzenal - Influence
Litskoj - Power
Sulemish - Longevity
(ie. Those born in the year of the Sulemish will have a long life.) This again factors into a Sith’s astralignment.
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In addition to the years, these 6 animals are also used for the hours on Korriban. But time is not conveyed in the same manner as Basic. While in Basic one would simply say “14:25” (or two twenty-five in the afternoon) the Sith have a much more involved way to convey time.
For example: Shyracks screech and return to their caves as the priestess prepares the altar in the hour of the wokinai.
Translates to: 07:15 local time (or seven fifteen in the morning).
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As a side note, a few centuries ago Darth Feras domesticated and bred wrats within the Empire. At first they weren’t seen with much interest by her peers. But popular rumor has it that she pointed out her creations embody the physical traits of the yearly beasts.
Eyes - Chiroik
Ears - Wokinai
Body - Natûsh
Hands - Dzenal
Feet - Litskoj
Tail - Sulemish
Afterwards they quickly became a favored pet and companion among the Sith, being seen as an auspicious animal.
While not related to their calendar there is a tradition of being assigned a birth flower. For this, the Sith do not look to their skies but rather, when a child is born the placenta is buried in a pot with 12 seeds. The first of these seeds to sprout becomes that Sith’s birth flower. These 12 flowers are also used in medicine, therapeutic or preventive, for some common ailments.
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Serla for headaches.
Roshal for good eyesight.
Nashkir for sore throats.
Atsudqâ for heart health.
Hyaranjat for good digestion.
Mûyoin for muscle pain.
Shasâyar for fertility.
Jûzon for blood circulation.
Ashanin for bone mending.
Qoyo for fevers.
Chisiqsanu for irritated ridge skin.
Kûsk’inti for fatigue and replenishing energy.
The last two parts that go into a Sith’s astalignment are their energies. The weekly energies correspond with 4 classic “elements” of earth, fire, air, and water. While the daily energy simply refers to day or night (d/n) in regards to when the person was born.
Combined with all aspects mentioned in this document, year, month, weekly energy, day (+energy), and flower, one can study a Sith’s astalignment.  ex. Darth Vowrawn’s astalignment factors:
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The study of these astralignments is a complicated field on to its own while the findings can be very important to some among the Sith. There are specialized scholars who offer their services to the old families so that the “perfect matches” (marriage, business, or otherwise) can be set up.
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aaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S DONE. i feel like frodo at mt. doom after the ring is destroyed omg... ;-;
SOOOO. i wanted, and i mean REALLY wanted, to finish this for lunar new year (for pretty obvious reasons lol)...... :,) welp. then i was like “i can do may 4″ lol NOPE. but here we are! still technically sith day? whatever. imma say I Did It. :D
also pls don’t laugh at my stupid drawings. i already know i can’t art. ok??? >,<
special thanks to @snootysith​ for giving me a bunch of sithy names and words for me to use. c: like y’all... coming up with fake words, that look and sound ok is really HARD (for my dumbass anyway)
other worldbuilding posts that are... sorta mentioned/used in this:
@inquisitorhotpants​‘s dk calendar
BOOS! x3
and some other stuff ....
but uh, yea. if you’re wondering “hang on there fluffy... did you really make a big, dumbass zodiac/astrology post??” the answer is...
yes.
yes i did... xU
but also i imagine the ancient sith had a lot of special and important dates for you know... religious things? *shrug* and over the many, many years all of this was passed down and prob altered in some way to fit into modern sith society? idk...
now imma say some things here bc i know For A Fact!!! that ppl don’t go onto original posts to read op tags on this hellsite lol.
and this isn’t me trying to sound like an arrogant asshole... but these are for some common questions that’ll undoubtedly come up:
yes, you can use this in any extent or manner.
no, you obvs don’t have to. ignore it if you want. i’ll be ok lol.
no, i’m not gonna write a long ass book with all the little details on every aspect of all the traits and then assign these things for your character(s). just make something up. that’s what i did here xD (plus my brain is d e a d from this)
yes, this is seen as a mostly(!) tomato pureblood sith thing but obvs attitudes are different between individuals. some are super into it, some could careless and think it’s all fake news, some have parents that care too much about it which is annoying and interfering with their life so they lowkey hate it lol.
no, i couldn’t do a read more bc it wouldn’t look as nice and i worked hard ok? ;-; i apologize for clogged dashes in advance.
i think that’s it? ofc feel free to hmu if you’re ok with a reply that can take anywhere from a few min to 3 business days ^-^;
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windblooms · 3 years
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matchups.
hihi :’) way overdue – but here are the matchup requests that i received.  please check for yours below if it was sent in!  ctrl+f on desktop for your mbti/zodiac, or something you remember adding in if the post is too long to scroll through.
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Hello! I'm INFP and 98% Type 4 & 92% Type 9. I'm a sun Pisces & moon Aquarius. I'm fairly introverted but can be kinda silly if I'm trying to be social. I'm also empathetic & sympathetic with plenty of self-confidence issues. My main hobbies are playing games, looking into social issues, thinking about game characters,etc. I keep bouncing between visions but Geo might be fitting since current Geo characters are a little more on the introverted side. Not sure if I'm late but wanted to try <3 I'm the INFP Pisces & Aquarius Geo asker and forget to mention that I'd like 1 platonic and 1 romantic!
romantic match-up: kaeya.
although it might be odd at first to pair him with a sensitive and introverted soul such as yourself, on the contrary, kaeya won’t have any issues relating to your emotional nature, even if outwardly it doesn’t seem so (behind his light-hearted and diplomatic dialogue, he’s got a transactional relationship with the knights he’s “loyal” to; his own brother is distasteful towards him; and he’s got an agenda that goes against everything he currently lives with.)  he’ll get a knack out of teasing you when the mood is fitting, and while he may not be the one to give you the best of pep-talks, his self-assured disposition does have its uses: confident words soothe over the creases of your worries and troubling thoughts, and when things are more light-hearted, the two of you will bounce off of each others’ playful mannerism.
platonic match-up: barbara.
barbara is a sweetheart who’s incredibly devoted to both her companions and her aspirations.  wholesome and energetic, she’s sure to keep you on your toes dancing, whether it be about how beautiful it is outside or the potential of a rainbow after a storm.  while she’s a clear extrovert, barbara is also insightful to the feelings of others – after all, an idol must understand her crowd! – so she’s sure to dial down the energy if you’re ever feeling weary that day.
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hihi !! can i please submit myself for the matchups ? i'm intp-t, scorpio sun and leo moon. i'm 5'11, female, and am described to be a very energetic person. i like to think optimistically and have a special love for philosophy and chemistry !! my hobbies include reading and writing - i've also recently picked up baking. i think i would have a hydro vision in genshin - hydro users tend to be healers, and i think that's something i would specialize in. can i please have 2 romantic matchups 🥺
i'm the scorpio sun leo moon intp matchup ask !! i forgot to mention that my enneagram type is seven, sorry 😔
romantic match-ups: childe/tartaglia and jean. 
childe hyperfixates on individuals he deems strong.  while this usually translates into people who have experience on the battle field, in your case, he finds it admirable that you’re able to keep up with so many hobbies and interests.  your thirst for new experiences and stimuli is akin to his own sense of adventure, and your devotion to each and every one of them resonates with his own conviction to his aspirations.  you’re strong mentally, and when you interact, he always has to dedicate himself to you fully in order to keep up; there’s never a dull moment when you’re around him.
a workaholic in denial, jean’s position as acting grand master never gives her a break.  she’ll insist that she’s fine, that she’s content with her oversight of the knights, that they are her priority.  and while this is true, when you talk about how your interests range from chemistry to baking, it’ll remind her of the time she doesn’t have to do “normal people things.”  again, not that she’s miserable with the knights, far from it – it’s just that your life and spontaneity reminds her of the things outside of the knights that she wishes she could do, too.  your genuine energy never fails to make her smile – perhaps you were who she’s been waiting for.
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hi, congrats on the 1k followers! i really enjoy your writing and i’m glad to see that you’re doing well! i hope the rest of 2021 goes well for you!
for the matchup event, i’d like one platonic and one romantic relationship. i'm an infp, 6w5, scorpio sun and virgo moon. my attention span isn’t the best and i’m an impulsive dumbass, but i still manage to get good grades somehow. i try to be sociable, but i have a habit of clamming up so i usually just end up sticking to the people i know. i’m kinda all or nothing with the effort i put into things; i run out of steam pretty easily so i tend to leave things unfinished, which i hate, but sometimes i’ll go wild and finish a semester-long project in one afternoon. overall, i really like helping others and being seen as reliable! i was really dependent on others in the past, and although i still kinda am now, i’m trying to be someone others can depend on.
as for hobbies, i mostly just play video games and scary stories. i’m also into a lot of crafts, particularly knitting and bracelet-making. i find the motions relaxing, but i enjoy it the most when i have someone to make things for.
as for my vision, i think hydro suits me best because it seems more support-oriented overall, which is the kind of role i’d like to have. however, that doesn’t mean that it can’t be used to do some serious damage if needed.
has lots of energy that’s hard to direct, but can plow through things they set their mind to.  likes security of things they know, and wants to give security as well.  creative outlets.  seems a bit finicky?  but insightful with their own emotions. 
romantic match-up: mona.
outwardly stubborn but inwardly self-critical, mona has dedicated her entire life to the stars, and it shows: her masterful grip on astrology is nothing to scoff at, and she’s arguably the most practiced mage in all of teyvat.  at first, she’ll be baffled at your impulsiveness and “lack of focus”: how will you ever get anything done? she’ll wonder.  but when you prove her time and time again that you can plow right through an obstacle just like scissors through paper, so long as it seizes your interest, she’ll take moments to think about her own outlook on life.  when she realizes your comfort in abstract, artistic past-times, she might ask cutely for you to teach her.  surely, if she can talk to the stars, she can make bracelets . . . ?  o-of course they’d be for you!  who else would they be for, if not someone she deems endearing.
platonic match-up: beidou. 
the personification of a tidal wave, beidou’s ferocity hits hard and leaves a mark.  the two of you will find it easy to bounce off of each others’ ideas – maybe even concerningly so to the rest of the crew – and hell, she might even sway you to sneak into a hilichurl village to steal some carrots if it’ll provide for some overdue fun.  lots of  pats  slaps on the back, and she’ll always beckon you over when she learns about something new, thinking that you might find it interesting, and when she wants someone else’s input.  she trusts your judgement like family, and knows that you’ve always got her.
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hi! i would like to request a genshin character matchup (2 romantic). my mbti is infj and enneagram 2. i am a cancer sun and aries moon. i am calm and reliable, but i do have a mischievous side and use a lot of dry humor. when it comes to having fun, i like to enable others! i am also deeply passionate about community service. my hobbies include yarn crafting. my genshin vision would be cryo because i am highly motivated by love/emotion, can come off as cold, and love the ice aesthetic! tysm!
romantic match-ups: diluc and lisa.
often broody and contemplative, diluc has a whirlwind of thoughts in that hard head of his.  through your first interactions, he’ll piece together your intense devotion towards your loved ones and willingness to help others.  he’ll warn you that you should take time to consider yourself, too, and that it shouldn’t always be give, give, give, but those same traits in you that he worries about are the same qualities that draw him in.  once, too, he was as uninhibited as you, had the same energy.  perhaps it’s because you’re both so similar, both in internal hopes and mannerisms, is why he finds it easier to loosen up – even if he doesn’t immediately let go of that deadpan attitude of his when he knows you can come back just as hard.
she’s enthralled by your willingness to engage in her banter.  often, those she teases (flirtatiously or otherwise) leave with a red face and an adorable stutter, but it just so happens that you’re one to fluster her instead.  it’s been a long time since she’s met someone who can keep her guessing, yet is incredibly insightful to themselves and those around them.  she finds your qualities of fun and sincerity to be charming.  you’re a breath of fresh air compared to the stern knights she’s around all day, and she looks forward to meeting you after work, conversing with you as you walk down mondstadtian streets and eat over dinner.  there’s never a dull quip from your lips, and she’d love to hear everything on your mind.
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hii hope I'm not making this too hard on u lol one romantic and one platonic please! either gender is fine I'm bi as Hecc mbti: enfp-t sun taurus moon aries I think my vision would be cryo because people say it's connected to loss and I've lost some pretty important people to me and also. I hate the heat I really like cards, wolves and the stars, my hobbies include working with robots and the general aesthetic of the mid 2000s, my favorite season is winter and I love buying ppl gifts ♡
platonic match-up: chongyun. 
immediately, your avoidance of heat and affinity to the calm will give him someone to relate to, and your attraction to the abstract will pique his interests.  (perhaps, once he’s become more confident with his exorcist abilities, he could pick up some of your hobbies?)  your practicality, in contrast to his often self-critical mindset, will ground him in times of need, and he’ll always ask you if he can help you out in return.  while he looks up to you as an individual, he’s honored to also be your friend, or at least someone you devote time to.
romantic-matchup: ningguang.
you both understand sacrifices and loss.  while it’s a rather bleak realization upon getting to know each other, your rationality and perseverance despite the past stirs her respect for you; your mindsets are incredibly alike, and she’ll often input your reasoning into her plans, and deem you a trusted associate of the liyue qixing.  in her demanding position, you are someone she can readily relate to and rely on.  in times when things are less hectic and the two of you can more freely relax, she’ll indulge in a shopping spree with you.  as someone who’s intimate with her in both profession and emotional relations, she’d love to show her gratitude. 
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hi! i'd like to participate on the match up event!
i'm an infp, and also type six on the enneagram test, my sun sign is aries and my moon sign is pisces. i like arts in general with my favourite ones being music and painting, but i also enjoy writing and i spend a lot of time songwriting! also as a person i'm rlly clumsy and i kind of look mean bc of my resting bitch face lol. i think my vision would be anemo because i think it can be really useful in many ways and i like the reactions it has with other visions. i'd like two romantic match ups! i hope this was understandeable, as my english isn't the best. thank you! 💌
romantic-matchups: mona and zhongli.
mona will find your interest in the arts intriguing.  you always seem to get ideas at the most random of times, often startling her with how active your mind is.  and despite how she doesn’t reply much in return – she’s not versed in words or drawings, even if she won’t verbally admit it – you seem to be satisfied with her . . . reactions?  even if the most she can relate them to is astrology, it seems to be enough for you, so long as she isn’t uptight that day.  your creativity and attraction to the abstract gives her comfort: there aren’t many people in mondstadt who appreciate her profession, so even if you aren’t into the exact same things, she’ll at least know that there’s someone who looks forward to seeing her.
on his quest to “learn what being a human” is, zhongli encounters a myriad of occupations.  typically, the people of liyue are wound up with economics and realism, but your joy in the possibilities – how you can convey your emotions, through what mediums – of life has to offer reminds him of humanity.  with you, he’ll explore what mortals call “the small things” in life: akin to the spark of appreciation for flying lanterns, autumn-colored lights at night, feelings of wonder – that’s what you instill in him. 
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hello!! id like a matchup please!! im an INTP-T and im Type 5,, im capricorn sun and libra moon. im a reserved person and kind of angry all the time,, and i get overwhelmed easily. im not that good with affection,, but me actually welcoming you into conversation or my room or smthn, or actually responding to you means something. im just scared to be open with affection because its always done me wrong in the past. anyways,, id like a platonic matchup and romantic matchup please!! thank u and congrats!!🥳🥳❤️❤️
hello,, im that Capricorn sun libra moon anon,,, very sorry to disturb you,,, but i didn’t mention what my vision would be!! i think id be pyro,, ive always been a bit cold or i usually shun people away,, so i think id be cryo!!!! or maybe hydro because im constantly having a mental breakdown LMAO(but i fr think id be cryo)
platonic match-up: sucrose.
while she’s constantly on-edge from work, sucrose will always make time to check on her dear friend.  after all, you do the same for her, even if you insist that you might not have the right words ready.  “partners in stress,” kaeya would teasingly dub the two of you as, but you don’t pay mind to him.  as quiet and reserved individuals, you find tranquility within each others’ company.  
romantic match-up: venti.
whimsical and regarded as a mere bard by most, venti puts up a convincing front.  but it’s just that: a front.  the real venti is concealed by a chipper voice and mercurial agenda, when underneath, there’s a solemn musician who’s burdened.  you’ll most likely be off-put by his facade, as he’s trained himself to constantly be lively – comes with being a performer – but will soon find that he understands your turmoil.  he’s not the best with sentimental words, but will instead convey his sympathies through strums of his lyre.  while it isn’t obvious that there’s security in freedom, he’ll be sure to encourage you that there’s a way.
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Hello Al! For the match-up event would it be possible for me to ask for 1 romantic and 1 platonic? As for my MBTI I am an INFJ-T. As for the ennseagram I am 98% type five and 90% type 6. I am a Taurus sun and an Aquarius moon. I tend to come off as polite and often times a bit shy/reserved irl. I love learning new things. Conversations that have all parties thinking critically are definitely my favorites. My hobbies are writing, drawing, learning new things, reading, and playing video games. As for Genshin vision I'd have to say cryo. I've taken a quiz on quotev and got a tie between cryo and anemo. Cryo's description seemed to fit my personality better. I also seem to have a connection with the cold. Let me know if you need any more info. Remember to take care of yourself. ~Taylor💙
platonic match-up: albedo.
you both have your inquisitive sides, and albedo is more than willing to talk to you about his discoveries.  while he might not proactively reach out to you – more like, if you’re nearby, and he happens to catch you peeping at his work, he’ll engage with you.  he finds your takes thought-provoking and your candor respectful; a fellow of agreeable disposition, your calmness and supplementing nature also makes it easy for him to work.
romantic match-up: zhongli.
both intuitive and practical in your approaches, zhongli’s given a new perspective when you converse, or at least, a new thing to ponder over.  many regard him as stiff besides his gentlemanly disposition; your focused and insistent care will enrapture him as heartwarming, that there are “acceptable” vulnerabilities, but they’re not weak points at all – far from it.  your security and assuredness is harmonious with your emotion insight, making for a stable lifestyle that he easily molds into.  the conversations that the two of you engage in are nothing short of provocative.  just as much as he learns from you, he also provides with tales of the old days. 
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Is - is the matchup thing still relevant? If not you can just ignore this message - its ok, i know ur busy :)
If it is still on tho, i wonder if i could get a platonic and romantic one?
Im a INFP-T(??), Type 4, pisces sun sag moon.
Im a dumb nerd with big glasses who loves t shirts with puns ot jokes on it. Im not sure about my hobbies, i just like anything that can make me think - memes, books, music, games with lore. I dont like boring, overly normal stuff. I have shitty sense of direction and i suck at math.
I think that my vision would be anemo since thats (i think) an element that requires both creativity and knowledge to work with, which is very special and interesting to me.
Thank you so much in advance! Or sorry if i sent this too late 😅
platonic match-up: xinyan.
both of you are free-flowing and seek excitement.  you’re the gasoline to xinyan’s match: you both feed off of each others’ knack for new things, stimuli, and the bold.  you could be walking down the streets of liyue, eating bags of mora meat, and then suddenly run down to the northern wharf to catch passing boats and playfully debate over which snobby aristocrat is being shipped off.  there’s never a dull moment between the two of you, and the plan is always no plan.  spontaneity is the name of the game, and it’s one that you can go at for ages. 
romantic match-up: beidou.
there’s hardly a moment to breathe on the crux fleet, that’s for sure.  be prepared to explore the entirety of teyvat with beidou, because she’s got you covered with all of your “new thing” needs, alongside your ocean-borne family.  she’ll find it humorous that you’re not practiced in navigation – ironic for a seafarer.  but steering is complex, and she’d gladly help you out in learning, just another thing to do in a day’s work. 
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Hi! For the match up event, I'm 98% type 3 and a 97% type 7, I'm am Intp and my moon sign is scorpio, my sun sign is Pisces. I'm above than average in math and I like to draw from time to time, I've tried to learn the ukelele but ultimately failed. I'd like my vision to be an electro cause my fav color is purple and I like how the electricity sparks and stops my enemies, I'm also a fan fic writer and love manhwas
Hi! I'm the last anon that you reminded that should have put 2 romantic in the ask! Sorry about that, it just completely flew over my head
romantic match-ups: ningguang and childe/tartaglia.
your ambition knows no bounds, and your drive is a force to be reckoned with.  some may call your approaches headstrong, but your ability to take initiative is something that ningguang greatly admires.  it’s something she professes that you two have in common – granted, even if her economic tendencies are more cutthroat.  while the two of you have incredibly firm opinions that might send shocks across the room you’re debating in, ningguang trusts your rational thought and explorative mindset.  your like-mindedness, in this instance, brings great relief to her in her position.
childe is also someone who would take interest in you.  he’s not one for schemes like the rest of the harbingers, and would appreciate your straightforward approaches and the focused energy you put into each project/obstacle you face.  it makes it easier for him to speak his mind, and he’ll find comradery with you fairly easy to come by.  gradually, the zeal the two of you share can draw you into more adventures, and he’ll have someone he can call a trustworthy partner. 
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Hello! For your generous match-up event, could I request two romantic matches please? My MBTI type is INFP and my enneagram type is four. My sun sign is Aries and my moon is Gemini. I am a quiet but curious person who can be really flirty and sarcastic in private. I am very caring to those I love. My hobbies including writing and drawing. For my vision, I think I would be cryo? I’m a secretive person who has trust issues and can be cruel. I love your blog, you’re so skilled! Thank you so much!
romantic match-ups: kaeya and jean.
you’re a trusted soul by all, even if many also regard you as reserved.  kaeya isn’t one to grow attached (it’s hindered him in the past), however after being paired with you on multiple missions, he’ll feel more at ease around you due to your good nature.  your duality is also a breath of fresh air, and each time he talks to you afterwards, he’s reminded that there are individuals who have others’ best interests at heart.  many knights will catch the two of you tossing jokes back and forth at each other, but for once, kaeya isn’t trying to swindle anybody. 
the acting grand master has a lot on her plate, but she finds that when she’s in your company, the tray is a little lighter.  she relates to your sincerity and good intentions, a welcome refresher in the world of forced diplomacy and tedious hours.  you also seem to know just the right things to say to lighten the mood, with a cute smile to top it all off. 
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hello! Could I request 2 romantic match-up? I'm ENFP, enneagram 2w3. Sun Sagittarius, Moon Scorpio, Asc. Virgo. My hobbies consist of anything generally creative, gaming/anime, hanging out with friends esp!! I'm the type of person to show affection by physical touch and by gentle ribbing-- I love making other people laugh. I'm always down to do things, new or not, and an honest and easy-going person. My Vision would be Geo bc I think it reflects how I am as a person-- stable n loyal :) thank u!!
romantic match-ups: venti and beidou. 
no one would’ve thought that you and venti would be a pair – then again, when they consider your tendencies for jokes and charisma, it’ll all come together.  wherever the two of you go, laughter follows, like dandelions in the breeze.  venti hits it off with you almost immediately after you meet, your natural social nature enabling easy conversation.  you’re also very zealous with topics that pique your interest.  it’s a genuine, eager curiosity that he can’t help but consider endearing.
the two of you are always searching for new things, be it small islands in the horizon or neat little specialties that you manage to catch in the corner of your eye.  there’s never a dull moment when the two of you get going on ideas, and while you may be the more rational, beidou will always insist on adding some more “zest” into whatever you come up with.  if you push her, she might accidentally shove you off the boat with the playful enthusiasm of a golden retriever. 
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Hiya~! Thank you both for doing this! For the character match-up, I'd like to request two (2) Romantic please lmao, with a side of French fries.
I'm an INFP, Libra sun/Scorpio moon. My external personality might lead ppl to think I'm a charismatic extrovert, but that's the face I show for the 5 whole minutes I'm socializing, and then return to my introvert turtle shell for the next week. I cycle through hobbies since I get bored quickly, but I always come back to music since singing is my passion. I know for sure my Vision would be Anemo bc I need to be free to feel comfortable and tend to react rather aggressively when I feel restrained 🤔
I'm deeply emotional, sometimes impulsive, and dislike relying on others. I tend to be cat-like in my affections... sometimes I Love, other times Do Not Want. Except for animals, they always get my love ❤ ehehe....
romantic match-ups: mona and kaeya.
mona considers your nature incredibly easy to grasp.  but don’t take it as an insult or offense – in fact, your simplicity is a constant in mona’s life: you like time to yourself, and when you’re alone is when your energy comes out.  she doesn’t have to worry about reading too much into your feelings when she can see that you’re independent.  your interactions are calm and reassuring; she doesn’t have to be uptight around you, because she knows you trust in her abilities and lifestyle, and security with herself and those she cares about is her top priority. 
kaeya’s able to relate to your social tendencies.  there’s a front that he puts up in front of his colleagues (purely for professional purposes) before reverting back to his natural state of mind.  he finds your distance understandable, and considers it something the two of you have in common.  when you talk one-on-one, it’s easy to bounce ideas off of each other about mondstadtian culture and other topics of interest; while your independent natures may lead to some time apart, there will always be fresh experiences waiting when you do meet again.
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alligaytorswamp · 3 years
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yellow , green , blue, turquoise , onyx , fuchsia , cream , mauve ( also genshin) & plum B)))
hey hi hello >:)
green: do you have a favourite flower?
nah i dont differentiate them.. every flower is just a flower to me jkhasjkdhkj...
if the flower is purple it gets extra points tho
blue: preferred type of weather?
rain!!! thunderstorms!!! <333
turquoise: favorite sea animal?
penguins or turtles :p
onyx: do you still play Minecraft?
nope, never did
fuchsia: favorite land animal?
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cream: any piercings or tattoos? do you want any?
i have a helix one but it got fucked up.. so it looks weird :(
would love to fix it one day.. or maybe get rid of it completely hhh
no tattoos but i want some yes heheeheh
some longer answers will be under the cut jkahdsjkad
plum: a food you've never tried
oi.. dats like a lot of things... ;;
well I've never had anything "Chinese"/"Mexican"/idk what else people mention in a similar manner... i hear English-speaking folks refer to these.. "types" and yep never had any of that. also like.. any food chains that just don't exist in Russia? obv nope......... there is probably an insane amount of stuff I haven't tried, I'm picky and literally just eat at home 99% of the time so-
yellow: name of an artist you think is underappreciated
gonna give a dumb ass answer but... i can't...? i don't really know how much one should be "appreciated", like what is the "right amount" and whether or not this person receives it. the amount of notes/likes doesn't always represent that and also i don't look there at all.. also this one random artist can have multiple accs on different platforms with different engagements and all that... so how do i really know what's up with them? and once again i don't think i sit around thinking Damn this person needs more likes !! .. i just like/rb whatever i want and it's epic lashdjlksajdlk also i'm not sure if i have strong attachments to certain creators.. (at this point that is. i used to and some of it backfired lmao) ... the only attachments i have r ppl i'm friends with which is U Know... considered the right answer to this question and an adequate person would do just that but damn none of yall getting a free promo wtf 🙄 and i feel like mentioning one friend could lead to upsetting another or like .. i could just forget to tag someone... or I would waste time trying to figure out if it would be ok to mention them in an ask like this one and probably would decide against it anyways just not to bother anybody ....
and is getting tagged in a post saying u r underappreciated even a compliment? because i for one am not too sure about that........... much to think about uh huh
mauve: any unpopular opinions?
we entered danger zone.................... beware :з
uhhh well first of all I think childe x zhongli is like the most pathetic and boring "default" pairing this fandom came up with. they have 0 chemistry and I just hate everything about it. as much as I headcanon both as queers... together romantically it feels like 2 straight men put together by ya*i fans............ also before i blacklisted to ship and voluntarily looked through the ship tag... every post felt like a hard ooc. i could not understand what childe or zhongli are supposed to be as individuals, what they have in common, what kind of dynamic they have. deadass most crack ships with 0 interactions have more flavor than this tragedy
eng VAs are great people and appreciate their work but whoever decides the voices ain't doing it right. every male character sounds like a middle-aged white man.. and most of the youngest characters sound like very obvious adults trying to pretend to be babies. all of it irks me so bad god.. and there are so many characters that lose their little spark in eng........ (yet in korean and chinese they're completely fine??)
all of the playable adult male characters are shitty people in one way or another. none of them are good. they have reasons and different perspectives, yes, but they suck. every single one of them. stop ignoring it or trying to say only some are evil. none of them are inherently terrible.. but they're not these precious and righteous individuals. they're men.................... that says a lot, actually. :\
and as for women? god i hate the idea that they're all so uninteresting and weak. lichrally just a bunch of girlbosses, morals of most could be questioned as well... anyways some of the girls not having extremely dramatic stories doesn't make them any less cool. let them be
also all archons suck it's ok. you can still love them while acknowledging that they've done some shit. ALSO stop demonizing venti .. and now baal, while praising zhongli- he's an old loser stop lying to yourself. i hate when people present him as the only good archon, the voice of reason who is just so cool and collected but also ahh so cutely silly about mora !!!............. bitch the story quest of liyue is just one zhongli-is-a-fucking-moron campaign idk did yall skip it or something............ and even then it's ok to like him, he does have his logic/reasons/beliefs that justify his actions... he is not a good guy or archon tho.
shipping archons/adepti/whatever the fuck that isn't a basic human with a basic human is super weird. i mean the power dynamic will be completely fucked and ages? lord almighty... basically mortals should stay with mortals... the rest goes to baby jail except maybe ganyu she's a good girl
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk what else.................
maybe.. ahha... well.............. with how people hype up any vague new character that is leaked and declare how they will skip every banner ever for them - even tho all we know is... how the character looks like? it feels a bit too much. like truly what's the point of going crazy and then screaming at mihoyo every 3 seconds over some character that could be fake for all we know, or maybe they'll be a support you don't need, or they have a weapon you don't like to use.... can't you just wait till we get official info? jesus lawd- but regardless.......................... where is the same energy for baizhu :)
the man is literally in the game and people manage to forget him even in conversations about dendro specifically- how the fuck is that even real-
thanks for watching everybody don't forget to subscribe smash that like button and hit the notification bell ^_^
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azenta · 4 years
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ur really good at articulating the sx experience lol..i wanted ur thots on the sx energy burning out. if an sx user sx-ed with a thing that no longer gave them that charge they would immediately drop it nd look for something else...but how does that apply to ppl nd relationships? granted sx-users have no intention of thinking about when the charge dies out (like sx-blinds)but when it does what do they do? drop them? or do they have a convo about why they want to leave nd proceed to do so? thanky
They can do either: drop or talk it out. Because that kind of issue is more related to healthiness and maturity than the sheer IVs themselves.
Unhealthy Response
When unhealthy and/or immature, they can drop you because the spark isn't intense "enough", according to their also unhealthy perspective, or dies out "too easily", or even because it's "too hard" to maintain and it feels easier to jump to one flame to another. They can also do the opposite and rather latch onto you because it was "too good" and so keep you for very selfish reasons, revealing in them a really possessive, jealous and manipulative little bitch that do everything to keep you around and try to spark things up to the point of burning and crashing to inevitable destruction (more likely Sx dom). 
This is mainly because when unhealthy, the auxiliary tends to be either ignored as there is a distorted perception that the dominant is never satiated enough, and this leads to perceive the auxiliary as a waste of time (level 7 to 9 of health). Or the auxiliary is recognized as a tool, but used poorly at the cost of the auxiliary need itself (level 5 to 6~7). 
For unhealthy Sx/sp, it leads them to see maintenance/preservation of relationships as either too harsh to do or pointless, leading to drop and abandon relationships willingly, or they view this maintenance as so !!!IMPORTANT!!! they refuse to let the flame dies out and goes overboard to maintain the given relationship to a point it intoxicates it and ends up killing it anyway. They destroy themselves in the process, ironically.
For unhealthy Sx/so, they see bonding, reciprocation and the feeling of belonging with the given person not as important either, leading to superficial empty relationships (same for Sx/sp denying sp) and abandoning or ignoring every relationship that doesn't provide this intensity. Or they jump within every single relationships relentlessly and ignites all of them without consideration to how the other feel in it, leading to consume and burn to ashes every single one of them even before anything could happen or destroying any foundation they had. They impose their Sx in every Soc relations, rather than use Soc to seek the ones that can give Sx.
For unhealthy So/sx, they'll tune out Sx as it will be seen as nuisible (complementarity, affinities, energy/intensity), so even if the spark was still there, they'll ignore or neglect it to not restrain their Soc, or they'll start doing something slightly similar to Sx/so and start igniting every relationships crossing their way, also leading to their inevitable destruction. The difference is So/sx use Sx "fire" as a way to light up their soc relationships, to make them "stronger/spicier", while Sx/so use Soc to provide more and more fuel to Sx (as a metaphor, soc becomes the woods to make the fire that is Sx bigger).
And for unhealthy Sp/sx, as above, they'll ignore it as it will be seen as a threat to Sp, or they'll start to ignite their relationships to "test" how tough they are, leading also to destruction because they'll make it burn until it cannot anymore, so until it is turns to ashes, "confirming" it wasn't that lasting (sp concern) anyway.
Healthy Response
Now, when healthy, they can still decide to drop it, because some relationships aren't worth pursuing if it actually lacks this much Sx quality to them, or talk it out, share their expectations and needs, and find compromise or ways to make it last healthily.
Healthy Sx/sp recognize Sp as its own set of needs, and therefore also incorporates the notion that they can maintain the level of intensity (energy) in their relationship without constantly pushing for intensity (transformation). They know there are boundaries and limits to be taken into account, and that demanding "more, more and more" actually leads to the loss and destruction of the relationship, because it breaks and over push those limits. Instead of transforming they just crash. They'll realize the reason why they never were satiated is because destruction without renewal doesnt lead to the transformation (mate/merge) Sx actually seeks, thus why they kept seeking for more.
Therefore, healthy Sx/sp will not drop relationships if they see the energy lowering, and might actually retreat from it more so to let time for both party to care for themselves and come back when they'll have enough resources to light up the fire again (/to merge, mate, get that enlightening moment, which demands lot of energy and synergy). Or another cute metaphor for it, they'll go seek woods in the forest, which requires a certain amount of it and so, also some time, in order to make a fire again. So, they'll go wander in their forest.
Healthy Sx/sp learned to recognize that a relationship is built with two individuals with different needs and aspirations, thus needing to do different things at different times, and so that it needs to be considered to keep the energy flowing. It demands energy to transform through one another, this is why they learn to respect Sp as a way to prepare for those times and moments to be able to "burn" bright (/vibe/flow/transform/"mate") with their people again. To take back the metaphor, they recognized some might be faster to gain wood, some in greater quantity, other in lesser quantity in less amount of time, due to a variety of reasons, ranging from "physical" limitations to different motivations (one wanting more wood, the other less) or even contextual ones (encountering wild animals, not finding wood, etc.). And some don't care about "wood" itself and have other methods (see Sp blinds). Therefore, they stop using Sp as a way to possess and leech people of their energy, as the resource itself, they rather place boundaries between them and their chosens instead of trapping their people within them.
They might also decide to cut out some people if they deem that the synergy is rather too destructive and so, doesn't lead to transformation but rather destruction, or that it just doesnt bring anything transformative. So it is too dull and doesnt bring anything out from each other, it is too stagnant and the energy barely moves and flows. There is absolutely nothing good about keeping a stagnant relationship. They will talk it out if they are worried about the synergy dying for good, and that's where they'll resort to Sp to help Sx gains some fuel and so are likely to retreat to do their activities, and to let you do yours, and "come back" after some times of resourcing. 
Also, when they retreat, since they neglect Soc, they neglect to reciprocate and bond with people on a more lightly and regular basis, thus why they vanish for periods of time or are barely talkative or even deny any talking. But worry not, they just established boundaries they deem necessary to preserve synergy. Or if you are worried and are a soc user, directly ask them rather than make scenarios about it. Tho, when Sx/sp get healthier, they usually allow some place for basic Soc and can show some reciprocation and do some talking instead of becoming extreme shut in when in Sp mode. So, you have even more reasons to ask them some news.
Healthy Sx/so will rather learn that one person or people in general cannot always prodigue you with intensity even if they want to, thus why it matters to reach other people and create new connections. They'll learn that to enhance the intensity and make it last, bonding and reciprocating actually help and temper the flame to make it bearable all while still being intense and transforming. They'll also recognize that belonging into groups or networks help them achieve better transformation and "mating" (/merging) and that creating many connections doesn't lower the intensity they invest in some of them, but rather help balance them out. Again, with the forest metaphor, they'll turn themselves to many (groups or many unrelated people) instead of one individual at a time to gain the resources to enlight Sx faster. Or they'll light up many fire at a time to be sure to always have a flame somewhere burning. As a group or alliances, the solidarity (thx to soc) is what keeps feeding the fire more than the wood itself (Sp) for sx/so.
They'll also learn to distinguish actual transformation from destruction like healthy Sx/sp, and so will be more aware that to gain Sx they dont need "more" of it but rather need something that helps them feed it and renew it (bigger flame vs feeding and caring for the flame). So, they'll also stop using soc as an escape route the moment Sx lowers in one of their connection and use it as a way to care for Sx (running away and burning other's wood (boundaries) just to gain a flame then leaving when it dies) .
Contrary to Sx/sp, they won't retreat to let the "flame" rest but rather engage other people while the chosens are resting or doing their life, as illustrated in the metaphor above. They'll also take news and interact now and then anyways to see where the person's at and how the energy feels as of now, as a mean to give some fuel but without engaging full Sx if it still feels unstable (not enough wood /energy). Where they'll have more trouble is actually the maintenance (vs consistence for Sx/sp). Since they don't value Sp (even tho, i'll argue the healthier they are, the more they recognize value to Sp), they can tend to disappear similarly to Sx/sp and then burst out of nowhere and chitchat like you never did before to then get lost in many other connections for a while. They'll be much more volatile if Sx is not that much present to a point of feeling distant or disappearing out of the blue for unknown period of times. On that Sx/sp can be more stable when they actually come back to you, but both Sx/so and Sx/sp can become wandering ghosts since lacking in either Soc or Sp makes them unreliable with the consistency and maintenance aspect of relationships. Metaphor again; Sx/sp will wander in the forest for the longest and be willing to discuss only until they can light up the fire, while Sx/so will run around from fire to fire to take part of those fire and bring it back to you, until there is enough fuel (usually "wood" aka energy) to light it up more intensely. They'll be more often present (frequency) through in and out than Sx/sp, but also stay for shorter periods (duration), while Sx/sp stay longer but come more rarely.
So, like healthy Sx/sp, they might try to talk it out if they get worried, but will wander in other connections or choose Soc methods such as casual bonding with you if they perceive the flame is either dying or becoming too destructive, as a mean to temper the flame. They can end up cutting people out for the same reasons as healthy Sx/sp if they judge it lacks any transformative component or it is too destructive.
Healthy So/sx will learn to recognize the value of Sx as its own needs, and that having many connections can be great, but can also be awful if there is no synergy and transformative component into their relationships. They'll learn that fewer but stronger connections is better than many shallow ones, and that it doesn't restrain them from pursuing new connections but rather help them weed out the "unworthy" ones. Metaphor time: they'll recognize that having a goal (creating a fire) helps bringing more solid solidarity and create the sense of belonging. Fire reunites and make people work for the greater good.
Again, healthy So/sx will also discern destruction from actual transformation and will thus not ignite relationships that are naturally devoided of them because of their nature (ex. professional networking, it could help but it is unecessary). They'll recognize the need to choose them more carefully and be able to strengthen their connections more properly. Again, metaphor, instead of burning each pile of woods just because they believe it is what everyone need, they'll seek people that actually are ready (enough wood) and want to ignite a fire (that have the actual goal to create a fire, instead of building a house with it like some would prefer). 
Therefore, when healthy, So/sx are not likely to drop an Sx connection. However, they will not prioritize them over the Soc aspect of it, so if you are exclusively an Sx connection, you might be put aside more often. However, it doesn't mean it's because they don't appreciate you nor doesn't care, but rather that 1. They prioritize other ways of connecting that respond to another need than Sx, and it's absent with you. 2. Sx is on and off and demand a highly specific synergy/synchronicity to gain energy as much as it spends it, thus why they will also go on and off with you (small fire that barely warm you up vs moderate fire that warm you up). And like Sx dom, they can also decide to cut off the connection if the synergy is toxic or too absent, especially if it becomes nuisible to their Soc need as well. Since they're healthy, usually it means they'll communicate it and won't let you guess the relationship is dead, if it was an important relationship for both of you. So/sx can also communicate their worry about the "flame" dying, but contrary to Sx dom, it's a first "alarm" signal to tell the Soc established is about to be jeopardized as well. Since for Sx dom, if the flame dies (doesnt light up anymore despite "the wood" or the support), then the connection is dead to them for sure, while for So/sx, if Soc is still well established, Sx can be dead for a while it won't matter as much, even tho it has importance (as it maintains stronger "alliances" /and friendships).
Finally, So/sx will also have trouble to maintain and preserve their interactions like Sx/so, so they can be more likely to change circle often or prioritize newer connections over their established one. Since they are Soc dom, it's even more typical of them to be social butterflies and loosing touch with the already established, long to date relationships (they value groups, alliance or friendships that have already fire to offer, and not the wood itself). Sx aux usually is the one helping to maintain or make them last longer, until they are mature enough to let Sp be a small part of their priority too. The fire gives a reason to have wood (Sp) to cater for.
Healthy Sp/sx will come to understand Sx actually helps them better preserve themselves, because Sp alone becomes pretty stagnant, and stagnation usually means things (yourself and your life) go no where. And this doesn't help to preserve in the long run. It's like rotting from the inside. They learn that they need some flow of energy too, and therefore allow for Sx connections. Metaphor: Having a small built up place is sure great but with no fire to keep you warm, it leads to cold which can ironically lead you to be unable to cater for more woods. Cold means your body won't be optimal and suffer in its capacity to actually preserve itself. Your body need warmth. So fire helps maintaining you and actually help you produce more.
Again, they also learn to distinguish pure destruction from transformation. They'll distinguish igniting something/someone and burning it until it can no longer do because it is turned to ashes (so, destroyed and ruined) versus lighting something/someone while considering its capacity to better maintain it and still gain an interesting intensity from it. Simply put, learning to take care of a relationship (or hobby) all while knowing how to spark it and keep the spark. Again with the metaphor; they'll understand that lighting every single resources they see just to get some temporary warmth to continue their things is not as Sp neither as Sx as taking the time to dedicate a set up for a fire or an actual place (like a small cabin or housing) that can contain it and make its warmth bigger and last longer. 
Therefore, healhty Sp/sx are less likely to drop relationships when the spark dies, even less likely than Sx doms. They can do without for a while like So/sx, but they also recognize that it is important, so they'll do their possible to spark it up. They'll give it up if they see it is destructive or if it stagnates (which is another form of destruction) and doesn't serve anyone in the relationship as this also jeopardizes Sp.
However, healthy Sp/sx are still the least likely to drop for good a relationship because of Sp dominance, all while being the least likely to actually reach out and form one. Since they are soc blind, they dont see the point to reach for the sake of it. Metaphor: they don't see the point of living in a village when they can make up their own house in the wood directly, near water and all the shit you need, especially since they know how to do all that stuff themselves. They come to understand the importance of getting things or even some few people that ignite fire as it makes things easier, but still, they don't see the point of more when few do the job very well. This is why losing those few relationships is hard on them and why they dont see the point of reaching for more either. In fact, they'll often let their few relationships do the soc job for them, and so go into those villages and bring the necessary when needed. They sometimes do it themselves, but not for long since they don't care about it, until they are healthy enough to recognize it actually makes things even more easier for their Sp and Sx concerns. 
Also, a little note for Sx blinds; reminder they also have Sx, because blind spot =/= not having the said instinct, and so they will have those "transforming/enlightening/flowing mergy" moments too, they just don't seek them nor deem them as important as soc and sp. In other words, with my sweet, sweet Ni metaphor; they value more building a house, even villages with woods and other resources, with the aid of communal (reciprocation, belonging, etc.) effort, than catering for fire itself. 
That's it. Sx blinds are not empty shell devoided of energy and fuel, they are FULL of it, they just dont see the point in pursuing it for its own sake (METAPHOR: the fire comes naturally from the effort of the number and the establishment of houses and villages = fire itself is not as important, and it is required in less intensity to do the job, even if it still helps out).
I'm pretty sure i answered beyond what you asked, but i hope you managed to find your answer in all that text lmao
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kendrixtermina · 4 years
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Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from
Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched
In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.
Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.
Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure
Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.
Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.
If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.
Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.
All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.
Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.
This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.
My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.
Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.
Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.
Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.
And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.
The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.
And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.
Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me
That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"
Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it
He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!
But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.
No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?
Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.
And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.
I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.
I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.
Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves
Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.
Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...
Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...
my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.
But that all started because of my ex fiance.
He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.
And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.
Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.
I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.
Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.
By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.
And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.
When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.
And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.
I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.
I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.
But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.
So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.
Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️
I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.
I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.
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fmstevie · 4 years
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              *    ╰              waddup   y’all   ruby’s   back   2   annoy   u   all   w   a   lil   british   fuckboi   action   .   here’s   stevie   ,   inspired   by   matty   healy   n   thinkin   she’s   a   god   among   men   .   i   don’t   recommend   u   read   on   but   in   case   u   do   i   pray   u   forgive   me   enough   2   want   plots   w   that   like   button   .   🤡
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                new   york’s   very   own      𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐄   ‘   𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘   ’   𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐄            was   spotted   on   broadway   street   in   doc   marten   smooth   leather   chelsea   boots      .   your   resemblance   to   diana   silvers   is   unreal   .   according   to   tmz   ,   you   just   had   your   twenty   -   second      birthday   bash   .   while   living   in   nyc   ,   you’ve   been   labeled   as   being         𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐬   ,   but   also   𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞   .   i   guess   being   a   cancer      explains   that   .   3   things   that   would   paint   a   better   picture   of   you   would   be      erudite   inclinations   informed   by   a   god   complex   ,      melodrama   as   your   magnum   opus   ,   &   the   world’s   most   secretive   love   life         .               (   i   had   a   secret   marriage   that   lasted   6   months   but   ended   due   to   my   fear   of   my   family’s   mafia   ties   getting   in   the   way   .         )      &      (   cis   female   &   she   /   her      )
𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆      :      stephanie   charlotte   greystone 𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔      :            primarily   stevie   ,   although   her   stage   name   is   ‘   grey   ‘   which   has   caught   on   as   a   go-to   nickname   .   takes   little   to   nothing   else   wilingly 𝒂𝒈𝒆      :            twenty   -   two 𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄      :      cancer    𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏      :      professional   musician   with   a   voiceclaim   of   lorde   ,   on   temporary   hiatus   to   write   grey3   .   casual   photographer 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓      𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚      /      𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔      :      cis      female      /      she      her      hers 𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏      :      pansexual   w   strong   female   pref   but   tbh   if   u   can   handle   her   energy   she’ll   b   down   WKERWJER 𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕      :      5’10  🤤 𝒍𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒔      :      the   hedonist   ,         the      aesthete      ,      the      opaque   ,      the      vainglorious      ,      the      prodigy      ,      the      intangible   concept       𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈      𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒔      :      rhiannon      -      fleetwood   mac      /      WHAT   U   CALL   THAT      -      chase   atlantic    /      iceberg      -      borns      /      UGH      -         the      1975     /      boss   bitch      -      doja   cat      /      elephant      -      tame   impala     /      black   hole   sun      -      soundgarden      /      black   madonna      -      cage   the   elephant      /         this   charming   man      -      the   smiths     /      swim      -      chase   atlantic      /      1999   WILDFIRE         -      brockhampton
tw      drug   mention
𝒊.  𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏.
there   is   perhaps   no   more   a   formidable   surname   in   the   organized   crime   circuit   in   all   of   europe   than   greystone   ,   a   name   risen   to   fame   through   countless   court   cases   and   highly   publicized   trials   .   dubbed   ‘   el   chapo   of   the   old   world   ,   ‘   liam   greystone   makes   his   reputation   known   as   a   ruthless   and   conniving   leader   of   a   million   dollar   cartel   business   ,   distributing   to   most   of   the   UK   and   eastern   europe   .   it’s   perhaps   an   even   greater   shock   to   find   even   as   public   enemy   #1   ,   he   takes   a   welsh   wife   by   the   name   of   marissa   and   weds   her   in   a   lavish   and   very   public   ceremony   ,   surmounting   crowds   not   unlike   those   of   the   royal   weddings   .   such   a   decision   is   a   clear   power   move   on   his   part   ,   flexing   the   pure   influence   it   would   require   to   have   such   a   public   family   life   with   no   fear   of   repercussion   from   rivals   or   enemies   .   
it’s   several   months   following   their   wedding   that   james   is   born   ,   with   nicholas   taking   a   few   years   after   .   elite   prep   schools   in   the   most   posh   london   neighborhoods   were   abuzz   with   equal   parts   curiosity   and   concern   to   be   sharing   streets   with   the   most   feared   mafia   family   in   their   whole   country   ,   though   the   elite   nature   of   liam’s   new   societal   presence   meant   he   took   to   his   ‘   dealings   ‘   with   a   but   more   subtlety   than   before   his   rise   to   power   .   something   of   a   media   frenzy   ,   it’s   the   talk   of   the   town   when   marissa   falls   pregnant   another   time   ,   nearly   a   decade   after   nicholas’s   birth   ,   this   time   with   a   baby   girl   ,   something   that’s   all   the   sun   and   mirror   can   seem   to   post   about   in   their   celebrity   tabloids   section   for   weeks   on   end   .   her   birth   raises   questions   of   immense   speculation   :   what   will   the   world   do   with   a   greystone   girl   ?
as   it   would   result   ,   they’d   worship   her   .   stevie   found   herself   raised   in   a   world   that   sought   her   out   at   every   turn   ,   cameras   pointed   towards   her   at   every   outing   .   james   and   nick   ,   now   teens   by   the   time   she   enters   primary   and   just   as   big   of   terrors   as   their   father   ,   view   their   lavish   lifestyle   as   the   result   of   some   bigger   destiny   for   greatness   ,   as   their   father   had   always   fed   to   them   ,   something   they   passed   on   to   their   baby   sister   who   took   it   as   her   mantra   .   one   of   the   earliest   manifestations   of   a   rather   intense   personality   ,   stevie   takes   this   to   an   extreme   ,   turning   her   unwanted   stardom   into   a   fuel   for   an   ever-increasing   god   complex   to   develop   .   the   apple   of   her   father’s   eye   and   every   bit   as   quick   ,   her   instructors   note   a   dedication   to   perfection   and   an   obsession   with   accomplishment   ,   along   with   a   natural   intelligence   that   leads   her   to   blast   through   her   studies   with   relative   ease   .   
she’s   just   16   when   she   completes   her   schooling   and   already   has   a   reputation   that   will   precede   her   ,   just   as   her   surname   had   before   .   relaxed   and   observant   ,   her   voice   never   peaks   higher   than   a   low   alto   with   her   charming   londoner   drawl   ,   a   facade   never   cracking   from   her   knowing   poker   face   .   there’s   something   about   being   so   above   everyone   (   even   if   it   is   a   self-imposed   superiority   )   that   leads   stevie   all   but   to   the   brink   of   isolation   ,   finding   solace   only   in   the   words   of   a   self-deluded   father   and   her   own   scribings   in   a   leather   bound   notebook   .   piano   lessons   since   early   childhood   lend   themselves   to   melodies   following   melodies   ,   and   before   she’s   even   able   to   legally   drink   ,   she’s   released   her   first   album   under   the   moniker   ‘   grey   ’   titling   it   pure   heroine   as   a   cheeky   nod   to   the   inevitable   accusations   of   it   being   her   family   ties   that   got   her   a   record   deal   .   but   as   streams   of   the   melancholy   tunes   begin   to   pick   up   fans   worldwide   ,   the   album’s   themes   of   isolation   ,   abandonment   ,   and   wasted   youth   hit   harder   than   ever   anticipated   from   the   youngest   greystone   .   she   leaves   home   to   tour   the   world   with   the   album   reaching   #1   in   countless   countries   ,   forging   her   own   path   with   a   maturity   beyond   her   years   and   a   vision   beyond   this   world   .   
    the   tour   ends   and   she’s   smitten   by   the   charm   of   new   york   ,   opting   to   move   to   continue   to   pursue   her   music   away   from   the   tangled   complications   of   family   life   in   england   .   barely   18   and   perhaps   intoxicated   with   the   loneliness   of   a   life   spent   in   the   watching   eye   of   others   ,   the   semblance   of   privacy   is   something   she   takes   to   like   an   addict   ,   exasperating   prying   paparazzi   with   her   notorious   refusal   to   comment   on   details   of   her   personal   life   .   she   builds   a   wall   between   herself   and   the   world   ,   keeping   out   prying   eyes   with   a   tight   -   lipped   grin   .   its   at   this   time   that   she   lets   the   first   person   into   her   life   perhaps   ever   ,   a   whirlwind   romance   so   intoxicating   it   results   in   a   courthouse   marriage   done   in   secret   .   never   to   be   seen   together   ,   never   a   word   spoken   to   anyone   else   ,   stevie   relishes   in   the   secret   which   is   soon   to   sour   upon   the   passing   of   their   honeymoon   phase   .   with   her   brothers   expanding   their   reach   into   the   US   for   their   unsavory   dealings   ,   it’s   not   long   after   her   marriage   begins   that   the   conflicts   reach   a   breaking   point   ,   an   annulment   following   barely   6   months   after   they   had   traded   ‘   i   do’s   .   ’
she   takes   to   the   studio   with   a   new   resentment   of   the   concept   of   love   and   even   more   sequestered   heart   ,   producing   melodrama   which   takes   the   world   by   storm   ,   snagging   her   a   grammy   win   for   album   of   the   year   .   fatigued   from   the   constant   go-around   of   keeping   her   secrets   her   own   except   for   when   they’re   taken   to   radio   streams   ,   she   does   a   limited   tour   for   melodrama   and   lands   herself   right   back   in   new   york   at   20   ,   putting   grey3   on   the   backburner   as   she   takes   to   all   the   hedonistic   engagements   she   had   indulged   herself   in   during   her   time   on   tour   .   she’s   kept   herself   busy   between   mindless   flings   and   days-long   benders   with   hobbies   such   as   photography   and   writing   ,   the   former   of   which   is   building   her   a   rather   impressive   reputation   in   the   arts   world   .   
𝒊𝒊.  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 .
if   y’all   ain’t   tired   of   me   yet   god   bless   u   .   ..   .   bc   i   straight   up   b   tired   of   myself   :/
anyways   dis   is   stevie   ,   also   accepts   grey   the   same   way   ppl   talk   abt   lorde   n   switch   between   ella   n   lorde   !   she’s   not   picky   :~)
major   inspos   are   matty   healy   from   the   1975   n   hayley   kiyoko   if   she   was   less   of   a   try   hard   .   little   bit   of   kristen   stewart   in   there   ,   big   2016   ruby   rose   energy   n   brie   larson   top   me   tomfoolery   as   well   !   
basically   da   fuckboi   of   ur   dreams   ..      ..   .   lil   devilish   londoner   who   stays   thinkin   she’s   the   closest   thing   to   a   god   on   this   green   earth   !
notably   ,   she’s   incredibly   intelligent   and   profound   ,   tends   to   take   on   a   rather   patronizing   and   condescending   tone   bc   she   straight   up   b   thinkin   she’s   usually   the   smartest   person   in   the   room   (   how   annoying   )
so   laid   back   n   observant   ,   rlly   has   no   need   to   raise   her   voice   ever   bc   her   arguments   b   runnin   circles   around   ppl   !   imagine   the   way   harry   styles   talks   low   n   slow   n   calculated.   .   .   .   .   cameron   from   love   is   blind   ,.   ..   .      kristen   stewart   lowkey   sometimes   ..   ..   ..   das   grey   .    sexy   ass   alto   monotone  🤤🤤
i   dont   wanna   use   chaotic   bc   she   rlly   isnt   the   WILDEST   bitch   but   that   god   complex   means   she   deadass   thinks   she   can   get   away   w   what   she   wants   n   she   usually   does   ?   less   of   a   chaotic   evil   n   more   like   a   neutral   evil   lmao   she   can   follow   rules   just   fine   she   jsut   prefers   whatever   suits   her   better
on   that   note   —   OBSCENELY   self   obsessed   .   follows   her   own   natural   whims   n   impulses   bc   that’s   just   what   appeals   to   her   .   is   inclined   to   follow   rules   if   she   calculates   itll   work   in   her   favor   bc   she   also   doesn’t   like   to   look   sloppy   !
super   secretive   and   OBSESSED   w   her   presentation   .   every   movement   is   calculated   n   she   doesnt   want   anyone   seeing   a   side   of   her   that   she   hasn’t   designated   for   them   !   she   doesn’t   care   what   other   ppl   think   but   she   DOES   care   abt   what   she   sees   herself   doing   n   her   vision   .   doesnt   fit   the   vision   ?   will   NOT   happen   in   her   book   .
straight   up   a   WHORRE   lmao   she   likes   2   fill   the   void   left   by   a   lack   of   human   connection   w   sexual   intimacy   n   then   is   like   nice   imma   have   u   leave   now   love   LMAO   .   does   not   discriminate   and   is   rlly   inclined   to   follow   any   sexual   impulse
this   was   implied   but   her   relationships   are   super   messy   ?   does   the   leonardo   dicaprio   thing   where   she   will   never   fuckin   discuss   her   love   life   in   interviews   or   anything   so   ppl   just   gotta   SPECULATE   .   she   lets   ppl   post   all   they   want   abt   her   but   she   wont   say   a   WORD   abt   them   JWHEKJWH   her   socials   r   basically   just   abt   her   n   her   music   we   said   SELFISH   lads   .   she’s   bad   @   bein   tied   down   n   is   probs   polyamorous   as   it   stands   but   im   p   sure   she   has   cheated   on   every   single   person   she   has   ever   been   with   lmao
lowkey   a   shit   friend   most   of   the   time   lMAO   she   can   b   really   unreliable   bc   u   guys   can   have   plans   n   then   she   takes   someone   home   n   misses   yalls   plans   n   then   texts   u   4   hours   later   after   all   ur   missed   calls   n   is   like   my   bad   bruv   i   got   tied   up   AS   IF   THAT   FIXES   IT   KWEJKWJEKWE
chain   smoker   n   its   nastie   but   lowkey   sexy   somehow   :/  ,   will   ONLY   wear   outfits   that   r   equal   parts   thrifted   n   designer   ,   always   has   her   hands   in   her   pockets   n   if   her   jacket   has   a   hood   its   UP   like   a   big   ole   homo   ,   is   rlly   annoying   bc   shes   good   looking   n   KNOWS   it   so   she   uses   it   to   her   advantage   ,   wants   2   get   her   motorcycle   license   ,   judges   u   based   off   the   music   u   play   in   the   car   ,   judges   u   on   everything   tbh.
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session 15 notes
Ok true crime as in my new addiction is true crime podcasts specifically about serial killers
Back to the session
 After getting a bit of a reality check from durnan about the supposed strength and power of the xanathar guild…
Protected our home w glyphs of warding
Last day of our contract
Spell is set to fade soon
Asyna is feeding ot
Ot looks at asyna like he's a cornered animal
"ot here's some meat"
Why is krystal roasting me about my lover
He wants poison
Ot is calling his jailers idiotic
Oh no aerana might be spilling beans
I really shouldn't be allowed to play games
Because I will always turn to the chaotic evil character
Aerana isn't giving anything up
Theo tells us about the plumbers who came over last night
Aerana is going to typ, rest of party is staking out house
Shifts to watch ot, adam takes front, asyna tower lookout (it's foggy tho so perception check at disadvantage, 9; city looks a little eerie in the fog)
Cel puts immovable rod across cellar door
Ot is suspicious whenever cel comes in
"you cannot fool me xanathar"
Cel making theo a new cloak
Ot asks cel when he'll turn him into dust
The xanathar can turn ppl into dust
Flare ?
Is flare the brain boy ?
I don't like the energy we've created around the word "enlightenment"
Cel rolls 18 insight check
Ot doesn't think cel is cel
Cel is gonna just vibe witth him
"WHEN U SLAY ME I WILL THINK NOTHING BUT HATEFUL THOUGHTS"
Sorry didn't mean caps but too lazy to fix
Everyone else
Adam in front hissing at neighbors and cats, 7
Hears pavement scuffle, someone approaches and reddish gtray beard person w non-descript gray cloak approaches; trench
Doesn't remember cellar and plumbers guild coming by night before
Trench says he can help
Help get bar open
Used to drink there a lot
Gets parchment and quill with ink
Rolls insight to see if bar was only thing he wasd interested in, 13, trench seems v interested
Works in surveillance, protection
Gives him cel and theo's name "5 copper please"
Gets 5
Adam picks his nose
Theo patrols entrances
13 for perception
Overlaps path w adam's
Aerana to typ
Afternoon when there
Similar pattern to those there; frequent patrons
"if I'm making up words, it's not really hitler"
8 perception
Place feels open, not as packed as it usually is
Still feel sensation of cold from the well
Wizard w pointy red hat a regular
You see goliath wizard talking to a dwarven woman
Aerana sees an elven man (bard) w "ugliest guy you've seen in your goddamn life" dom says but only after we point out he looks like legolas, tuning a lute
Sense you've seen him before
The wellllllllllllllllll
It is better told by a bard
Some patrons old and strange, others just like to drink
But ritual in the storytelling
Durnan built
Gwyliam
Talking in elvish
Place formerly not too populated
But one of durnan's ancestors came over to build upon it and discovered the well
Network of tunnels underneath
20 for history check
Familiar with some of what he's saying
Parents would throw you into the undermountain if you were bad
Undermountain = stirs weird memory in your head
Being told as a child stories of undermountain
Deep dark fearsome place
Mt waterdeep wizard came here once named hallister the black cloak
Hallister - ppl don't know where he was from / if he was real but legendary
Brought apprentices trained in magical arts
Tunneled on peak of mt waterdeep
Legend of undermountain could not be verified as truth
Durnan's ancestor came to typ
Climbed into well
"I wouldn't bring this up around him" - doesn't talk abt
When ancestor returned was fabulously rich
Split money with best friend
Built typ
Occasionally engages in ritual of going
No one truly knows what lies in undermountain but there's something there bc some return but most do not
"it might just be the sewer" - "but don't tell anyone I said that"
Differing renditions
Some say durnan was the one with magical powers and killed everyone in there, or more nuanced speaking only of tragedy of those who return who come back fearful or returning with smaller parties; others talk more of hallister and argue over his life; every night a different story
Ask if he knows anyone who's come back
Gestures to half-orc in corner playing variation of solitaire; great celebration when he returned, he came back with riches
He is a regular
21 history check
Undermountain
Familiar name
"Deepest dungeon of them all"
When sewers were built many passages abandoned bc other halls + passages found, many teams from cellars and plumbers guild died during construction of the sewers
Prisoners often thrown into "undermountain"
Says even tho he's here most days there's still stuff he doesn't understand about it; new community reforged every night
At some point durnan talking to wizard and having a conversation which is odd ? Eventually wizard looks at aerana (old man) skinny pointy red hat
Wizard squinting at aerana then turns back to conversation
Try talking to half-orc
Interesting plated beard almost like that on dwarves wrt ornamentation; jewelry running through it
Wiry half-orc
Not skinny but muscled
Weird tattoos covering one side of his face looking like they change a little bit
Balanced a little precariously
Ask if he wants to play a two-person card game bc he's playing solitaire
Ask for his favorite game, Skipper (slapjack)
Dexterity check
5, 20, 10
First round you lose, his fingers have strange looking rings beautiful but rough-worn bands of steel or other heavy metal
Second you win
Third round he takes
"say not many people can beat me in that game"
"luck favors the bold"
In the well
Hell but now look at him can gamble all he wants
City of balder's gate
Large city rough place to grow up
Turned into rough child living on streets
Says his name is Sand
Balder's gate warlords make life difficult so he decided to leave
Was found in youth by someone who turned his anger into smth holy
Ran into thieves and plunderers of forgotten relics, became brother and sister and decided to take on deepest dungeon of them all
Horrible things - asks if you've heard the song
The yawning portal song
Not many people know the full tale
Was taught to be skeptical (it's in his nature or maybe his name)
Not sure how long he was in there or didn't know when he was in there
No light
Tunnels are confusing and without it would've been lost; found room with throne with snakes for arms
Great hallway with ancient trap
Living things also in there; all manner of beasts and creatures; ppl don't come back bc of those
Killed goblins down there but after the things he's seen and after the things he'd had to do could've gone with killing a few more goblins
Advice ? Some will sell maps of what they found or what they think they've seen; anyone can tell u abt beasts down there
Durnan wouldn't lower us down
Durnan doesn’t send ppl to their deaths
Durnan lowers people he deems worthy
Strong brave smart fast bold enough or some combo
But even then not everyone comes back
It's a place of death
Not buying him lunch lmao
Has broken into dangerous old elf dungeons like in the ones up north and would do it again if he could unsee some of the things he saw down in the well
A place of death but things move in the shadows w tombs down there and tunnels for miles hallways great and tall, treasures, beasts keeping it for themselves
Ask about tattoos
Gift from master
The person who saved him in balder's gate
Steeped in magic of shadows
Powerful bc he is strong but qi is stronger still
Aerana gets back home but starts to rain heavily
Ppl still patrolling
Adam
Sees drow ? W purple colored eyes silver-ish hair hiding weapons under his cloak steps up and says "pardon me" and asks if adam's seen a cat
Large cat - would've know if saw it
Adam sends drow to trench
Adam gives him good up and down look, can he see weapons ? Carrying two cinotaurs ??? Sinotaur ???? Adam rolls insight for cat
14, seems like he's talking abt a cat
Heads off to trench
Asyna in watchtower guessing ppl's names
Cel and theo switch
Theo says hi to ot, ot curled up in corner
Whispers "hey ot what's up"
Says he should've gone with his gut on the day theo arrived
"dark elegance" "the way you glided into the room" - ot on theo
Ot says he knows how the xanathar pays theo
"I guess seeing you was a realization of my deepest fear" a fear he couldn't name or place or knew he had but out of the darkness theo stepped forward
"I'm curious . How long do you leave your victims like this"
Ot starts to cry and says he would beg her to keep him in this place
"this voice you're using I find it sweet"
"I just don't want to wake up before the end"
Theo is gonna get him food
"the poor dead tiefling told me yesterday"
7 insight
Theo does not know what's happening
Says the water theo gives him looks real
Looks at the wall drinks some water
"and it tastes real"
We kinda fucked ot up LMAO OOPS
"I know that you don’t have a heart… but if there's any chance that anything I've ever said or thought about you could take root in your soul"
Theo says she'll consider his request
Sits there for a half hour then asks if that's her real name
"nithlur" or smth like that
Nihloor
"where'd you hear that"
In his head lmao
What if this is like
A tapeworm
In his head
"what does knowledge taste like"
Asks if it's a feeling or a thought
Theo says it's a feeling
Ot says whatever knowledge is it's valuable to the right thing
Wonders if he can take a nap
Gonna take a nap
Adam forgot he made ott think he was dead
Aerana is taking over for theo
Adam takes first watch
Perception check, 22
Raining ohp so at disadvantage gotta do it again
New roll, 12
Rain is still falling
Hears a weird noise coming from outside the house
Uses thaumaturgy to boom voice saying "wake up"
Everyone sleeping wakes up
Goes toward sound
Hears weird growling noise
Goes semi-toward noise w pyrotechnics prepared; darkvision does he see anything
Sees shape
It's not the cat
Unfamiliar, looks like it's flying but more like it's floating
Bobbing up and down in air
Creature w large glassy eye and sagging mouth w lots of sharp teeth
Sticking out from form are eyes attached to a slug protruding off it w glassy eyes hanging off it
Intense stench making icky moaning noise
Adam shits his pants
It's big
The size of its mouth is human size
I've been listening to serial killer podcasts all day
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Matchup
hiyaaa!! could i pls get a written matchup for ikesen, ikerev, & mlqc? 💞 bi but i prefer guys! i have an older twin sis~ 5'4 young girl~ medium-length straight-ish black hair & dark brown eyes. ambiverted INTP! hufflepuff/ravenclaw. fun-loving & friendly scorpio. if not given attention, i feel unwanted/sad. quiet w/ people im not close w/. easily annoyed but guilty after 'cause im soft-hearted. playful/serious, childish/mature, competative/laidback, funny/shy, talkative/good listener, loud/soft, kind/quiet, emotional/solemn, sweet/smart, bright/deep, poetic/intellectual, daydreamer/studious, annoying/lovable. hopeless romantic! sorta socially anxious, i have a fear of judgement. my personality is like half fun/happy and half deep/quiet- very awkward. i want to be the best! im not innocent but ppl think i am at first. its easy to make me smile & laugh but i also get jealous often. i have trouble asking for help even if i help others a lot! im the type to do fun stuff and loosen up, but im also the type to just cuddle and have long conversations about life and the world. emotionally mature but a bit emotionally unstable (mental health problems-) i look fine on the outside but on the inside its a MESS. im actually a complex person, and i rlly think a lot to myself. i feel rlly scared tho if im not completely sure if im correct abt smth, n i get rlly anxious when ppl r looking at me blankly w/ smiling- likes: diff kinds of jokes, testing myself, affection, animals, doing exhilirating things, music, movies, books, games, family, friends, astrology, astronomy, learning new things, & mythology. dislikes: too much heat, school presentations, creepy dolls, being under pressure, dirty things. i love weapons (esp swords n guns, i like magic too tho)!! i think they're super cool- omg im super srry cause i think this is too much- tysm anyway!! feel free to take your time (health comes first!) n have a great year! 💞
Aww, thank u so much! This was submitted to me quite a while back and I’m really sorry for the major delay. However, I’ve finally gotten to this. Hope you still enjoy it :)
Ikemen Sengoku
I’d pair you with.................. Hideyoshi Toyotomi!
Honestly, I was having difficult picking just one person since you have such a complex personality (don’t worry, this is a good thing). For a while, I was leaning towards Mitsuhide at first because your personality would’ve made the perfect MC for his route. You’re sweet enough to get him to open up, but not a complete ditz. He’d love to learn all the different sides of your personality, falling for every single piece. After all, there’s no puzzle that he can’t solve.
However, I’m gonna go with Hideyoshi on this one. His simple attitude would best compliment all your different traits, creating the perfect balance. Whenever he’s being hard-headed, your multi-dimensional personality will provide him with another side that he hadn’t considered.
Don’t want to ask for help? Not a problem because Hideyoshi is going to help you anyways (whether you want or not). He’ll be at your side all day, making sure that even the smallest of tasks have dealt with. Once your work is done, he’ll linger around for a little bit, waiting for that last good-bye kiss. 
You manage to pull him out of his comfort zone, going on small adventures together! He’s not the biggest fan of them, but he always tags along to make sure you’re alright. His favorite adventures are when you two go into the forests, observing all the different animals. There’s nothing like seeing the sweet smile on your face to brighten up his day.
The day always ends with the two of you heading back to his room, laying on his bed, and looking at all the cool stuff that you found. He’ll have his arms wrapped around your waist, resting his chin on top of your head, listening to you rave about the adventure. But when you remind him that there’s no place that you’d rather be than in his arms, Hideyoshi can’t help but turn into a puddle. It’s just a night of cuddles and endless affection.
Hideyoshi is also the best person to go to when you’re feeling like a complete mess. Even if he’s busy, he’ll always put time aside to comfort you. If you’re feeling scared or unsure, the warlord will stroke your hair and remind you about all the times that you’ve been right (and all the things you’ve accomplished because of that). Even if things go awry, he’ll always be there to hold your hand for comfort’s sake. After all, you’ve guided him through his messes, so now it’s his turn to repay the favor.
Another Possibility: Mitsuhide Akechi
Ikemen Revolution
I’d pair you with............... Ray Blackwell!
So there’s not a lot of leeway here since your description really just screamed “RAY” to me. However, I feel like I could throw you at Blanc! He’d do his best to make you feel welcome in the Cradle and slowly crack through your quiet demeanor. Once he learns what’s inside, bunny boy is absolutely charmed! It’s hard for him to stay away, especially since he just gravitates towards your cheery energy. Nevertheless, the Black Army King won over in the end.
When Ray first meets you, he appreciates your quiet side. Not too noisy or annoying, unlike certain members in the Black Army. Besides, you seem to have your head screwed on straight, so he won’t have to worry too much about you getting into endless trouble. Your maturity throughout the entire situation will only garner his respect.
When Fenrir cracks a crude joke and you stifle your laughter, Ray raises an eyebrow. There’s definitely more to you than meets the eye and he’s interested in what exactly hides behind your quiet exterior. While he may not go out of his way to search for it, Ray takes mental notes when you do something that pleasantly surprises him.
Bookworm buddies!! Every now and then, you two engage in a reading competition: who can read the most books throughout the week? For the prize, the loser has to listen to the winner’s commands for an entire day. While the winning party varies, it’s always a close call.
Ray is always teasing you for being a hopeless romantic. However, that’s just his way of hiding how he thinks that your mentality towards love is adorable. If he’s completely honest, you remind him of the main heroine in most romance novels. Does that mean he’s willing to be your love interest? Why don’t you ask him and find out ;)
Ray notices the twinkle in your eyes when you watch him practice with his sword. When you ask him about it, he’ll happily show you all the types of swords and guns that are used in the Black Army. He even gives you confidential information about the latest gun prototypes. At one point, he’ll even gift you with the weapon of your choice (you can customize it however you want). Whether you choose to use it is up to you (but little tip here: Ray finds it hot when you carry it around on your belt).
Another Possibility: Blanc Lapin
MLQC
I’d pair you with............ Victor!
Before I unveil first place over here, I think you and Kiro would also have amazing chemistry too! You two would mesh so well together, being the biggest balls of sunshine. When you’re feeling down, you can always expect his teddy-bear smile to cheer you up in an instance. It gives me such “wholesome couple vibes” that I’m not even sure how to put it into words.
So you must be wondering, “Why Victor?” It’s because our loveable grump needs some sunshine of his own (a ray of sunshine that he won’t throw out the window or chastise to death). From the beginning, Victor takes a liking towards you. You’re mature, dependable, and want the best for the company. Even if you’re not directly involved, he appreciates your efforts towards becoming the best. There’s something about you that makes him want to root for you.
And so he does, pouring a decent amount of money into your dreams. However, Victor will constantly watch you from the side (after all, he’s gotta see how his investment is being used). This may cause you some discomfort, but he’s doing it to make sure that you get to the top of your dreams. 
When you’re feeling unsure of yourself, Victor will give you the guidance that you need. He’ll try his best to give his input on the situation, making sure that it gets you closer and closer to the answers that you need. Once you manage to pull everything together, he can’t help but feel a little tug on his chest. It’s a combination of both pride and something a little sweeter.
Victor also finds your multi-faceted personality quite impressive. It’s amazing how you can show a range of emotions and feelings, especially when you’re dealing with different types of people. He doesn’t have such a range of emotions, so he tries to pick up on a few of your traits. It doesn’t always work, but you always get a good laugh out of it.
Whenever Victor has had a long day at work, the two of you lay on the grass and watch the night sky. There’s something about the stars that calms him and he wouldn’t have known it if he never met you. So he’ll always be grateful for the peace that you’ve given him. 
Another Possibility: Kiro
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mystt · 4 years
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so a lot of you guys know that ive been on the contrapoints hate train for a long while. she consistently has really bad takes and even worse optics, and has a hard time responding to criticism in ways that arent weird cryptic bullshit. even beyond all that, i just dont like her content substantively or stylistically, which is clearly aimed at trying to convert centrist dudebros. because of that, shes basically the most visible single person on the left online right now. it’s important, CRITICAL even, that the things she says be put in proper context lest someone with less knowledge than her (im not at all denying that shes a smart woman) get the wrong impression of these still fairly new topics. however.
after watching this video made by vaush (a controversial rising star of the youtube left whose style i find very refreshing), i think im starting to have a bit of a change of heart. i think its important to document this thoroughly considering how much (well deserved) shit ive given natalie in the past. here, vaush is covering a portion of a patron stream that natalie did in which she addresses this most recent round of contra-versy. transcripts of it have been circulating, but i feel like they dont properly capture the way in which this topic was addressed.
this post got REALLY REALLY long, so im going to leave the rest under a cut.
natalie is obviously taking this recent bout of hate incredibly hard, to the point where she’s questioning whether or not she can continue making content. let me be clear. i have a lot of personal gripes with natalie and her content, but i think this would be a MASSIVE net negative for the trans community. despite her many shortcomings, she has acted as a gateway, an extended hand to those who don’t understand us, and i think it’s obvious that she’s very successful at it. we NEED people like her to be our liaison. and is she perfect? no, absolutely not. in a perfect world there would be many trans people just as successful as her giving all sorts of different views on what it means to be trans. but right now she’s the best we got, and i do think we could do much, MUCH worse.
apparently, people have been picking apart every single thing she says, using certain turns of phrase to paint her as a terf, or even alt-right/reactionary. ive personally never seen anyone state this, nor do i agree with those who do. but just because i havent seen it personally doesn’t mean that it doesnt happen. that shit needs to STOP. NOW. because if you genuinely believe those things, you are frankly a fucking idiot. yes, she has a tendency to say certain things in her videos and certain things in her other correspondence, but never ONCE has she indicated that she’s anywhere NEAR a terf or a reactionary. saying that she is and using it as a cudgel to abuse her makes you the lowest of the low. if you want a terf reactionary trans woman, blaire white is literally right there!!! like for fucks sake.
 now, whether or not she’s a truscum/transmed is a little more dubious. she has a hard time saying outright that she isnt, but in public she at least nominally supports nb ppl. in the video linked above, she at one point states that nonbinary people ARE part of the trans community, which is definitely a step in the right direction. i just wish that if she really did support nonbinary ppl outright, she wouldn’t muddy that with her own weird personal anecdotes and support of nb-phobes. 
this is a good point to address the actual meat of this controversy, the inclusion of buck angel in her most recent video. buck angel is a reprehensible piece of shit. contra clings so desperately to this idea of him being a trans elder. i guess he was the first trans man contra ever saw, and the first trans person she ever saw who passed, and this fundamentally changed how she viewed trans people. thats great for her, but he’s a relic of a bygone time and frankly he needs to get with the program. she said she’ll do better to vet the people she includes in her videos, and that’s great and all. but, she didn’t actually address the vile things that buck angel has done/said. like i said earlier, i don’t think she’s nb-phobic, but i do think she has this tendency to not properly address the concerns of her nb viewers, which is incredibly frustrating. 
not so frustrating, however, that i felt the need to go to all of natalie’s professional friends and demand that they totally denounce her and sever all ties. this, right here, is an actual example of cancel culture, except this time we’re doing it to one of our own. and not just one of our own, maybe one of the most important community members and advocates that we have. i have a lot of gripes with natalie, as you’ve seen, but NOTHING she’s done requires that we ruin her life. and this savagery she’s receiving is ruining her life, no doubt about it. she’s slipping back into alcoholism, is incredibly depressed, and constantly on the verge of tears over an INSANELY undeserved amount of hate. i don’t know about yall, but i can’t watch natalie talk in this segment without the empathetic and sympathetic part of my brain telling me that something is very, VERY wrong with the position that i’ve taken. 
i feel embarrassed to have thrown myself in with this lot that’s trying to destroy a woman’s life because she isn’t perfect. i feel ashamed that ive spent all this time and energy hating a woman who i really only know not through engaging with her content directly, but by looking at screenshots in twitter threads. and i feel very frustrated that now i cant be critical of one of the most visible members of our community because a bunch of savages are trying to destroy her. this whole situation sucks for EVERYONE.
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gotatext · 5 years
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PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum
PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension
AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands
PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!
DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664
TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 
OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht
MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student
HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 
ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting
HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild
WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs
NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.
WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral
NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....
NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira
NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.
WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)
FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 
LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 
DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.
THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers
A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 
EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/
WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 
A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 
ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way
PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon
WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 
DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 
WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology
THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin
MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off
NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .
DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba
HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making
PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again
WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.
TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/
LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it
DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.
IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker
ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 
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daehweeb · 5 years
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hi! i’d like an nct 127 ship! i’m: 5’0 on a good day. 20. bday is in May, so i’m a gemini. scorpio moon! i like to consider myself really fun. i like to party and be the center of attention. but i also like to stay in, do nothing and avoid people. very blunt and sarcastic. um my favourite things to do are meet new ppl and learn new things! i speak 5 languages :) my brain is like filled with unnecessary facts abt things. i’m also hilarious, which is important!!🤠
____ + DOYOUNG♡ 
How you two met: You had always been apart of a decently sized friend group and as expected, there were people you were very close with and there were people where you simply knew of each other’s names and not much more. That was how it was between you and Doyoung.
You two would enjoy each other’s company, sit at the same library tables, and engage in the casual conversation of “how is your day?” and “oh how cool!”, with a joke cracked every so often and that was the friendship, or at least that’s what you knew you viewed it as. 
“Hey, want a drink?” your friend asked you from across the kitchen island with a cup in one hand and soda bottle in the other. You nodded and said a thank you in advance while you tapped your foot up and down on the rung of the chair. 
Once the cup was handed to you, you took a sip and looked around. It was only days ago when Taeil turned one day older and since you couldn’t celebrate during the week, the party was scheduled for today and you attended since he was one of the people you were closer to. However he had to tend to some of the other guests and the friend that just poured you a drink had dispersed into the crowd of people causing you to heave out a sigh as you sat alone. 
It wasn’t that you minded but you would rather be talking to someone right now and someone must have heard your silent wish because the chair to your left was pulled out and a body occupied it.
“And what are you sitting here alone for Ms. Social Butterfly?” 
To your surprise it was Doyoung and he laughed at his own joke and you mocked his laughter, “Ha ha very funny Doyoung! Well I was just about to…” you looked around to try and generate a response but nothing came to mind, “he really got me there didn’t he huh” you said in your brain.
“I was just about to continue sitting here, that’s all” you finished the response and took another sip of your drink and the reply elicited a laugh from him once again.
“Well lucky you I’m here to save the day!”
“You mean you had no one to talk to either?” you raised a brow at him and you saw how his cheeks went slightly pink. 
“Maybe that too but hey that’s a secret between you and I” 
“A secret it is then” you raised your cup at him with a smile which he returned.
The party was still bound to go on for hours but the time passed by in a flash thanks to your company. A good majority of the time was spent at that kitchen island and you two would relocate every so often and sometimes some of your other friends would join the conversation but eventually leave. Doyoung didn’t though. 
“It’s midnight kiddos, party is over but thank you all for coming!” Taeil said to each and every guest as they exited through the door.
“Happy birthday again!” you and Doyoung said as you two left.
The two of you were just about to part ways since the goodbyes were said but Doyoung stopped you right before you could head to your car.
“Hey this party is over but ours doesn’t have to be,”
You were a bit confused at his statement since it was midnight and you were fully aware of how he had plans early tomorrow morning. He must’ve caught on cause a frantic “oh wait! No, no, no” slipped from his mouth.
“That was a bad way to word it. Do you want to hang out some time? Preferably out of the library? You’re really cool and I’d love to go catch a movie or eat out” 
He exuded some nervousness and you chuckled before replying, “Yeah of course! Just catch me in the library tomorrow and we can hang out afterwards” you smiled at him and he replied with an “Ah great! Okay, see you tomorrow” before waving at you one last time.
Though you started off at the party alone, you left with someone and it was the same in Doyoung’s case.
What he likes to call you: “babe” // “baby” // “sweetie”
Extras: Even before getting close to you (or dating you), Doyoung knew you were a fun person. He wasn’t a big party person but always attended if it was for his friends and you happened to be a vital part of them since you brought an energy that no one else had. Plus it didn’t need to be at an event, you were just a fun person to be around and he enjoyed every single moment with you.
He liked the two sides you had since you were willing to go out but you also liked the chill and relax environment. 
When you two went out, I see your dates consisting of walks in the park with your hands in one another’s or at an ice cream parlor! And if you guys were spending the day at home I see you guys [POSSIBLY] building a puzzle. He likes the challenge it poses and enjoys the bragging rights he gets when he finds a piece while you struggle to connect one piece to another.
You two already have a slightly similar personality which is what helped you spark your friendship in the first place. You guys are constantly saying sarcastic remarks to one another but it is all in good nature! He makes up for what he says with a smooch. 
Your humor is a pick me up to him and one of the highlights of his days and he appreciates all the random bits of knowledge you have in your brain, it makes him want to know the same so he tries to learn various things to get on your level.
Overall, Doyoung loves you with his whole heart and is sure to show it! He isn’t big on PDA but at your place he will give you plenty of back hugs, forehead kisses, and shows his care for you through small actions such as pulling the covers over you at night to make sure you’re not cold or anything.
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villainousvillains · 6 years
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Loki x Reader - Lesson Four: It’s Important to Feel Comfortable
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Requested by Anon: I have an idea for another aura fic where she is in a big battle with everyone else, and as she is almost killed by a bad guy, her aura pulsates like a supernova and sends everything in a ten foot radius flying! She doesn’t know how she did the aura pulse, nor does she have control over it, so another lesson ensues to try and master the pulse!
A/N: *whispers* I love this one so much. eep. Also this title took me 20 years to come up with and I don’t like it I’m sorry. It doesn’t do this fic justice. In the process I came up with a title for another “lesson” so. Request away so I can use it. And another also, I’m posting this at a different time than normal bc I just finished it and I want to get it out as soon as possible bc I love it but then I had laptop troubles but I’ll probably reblog it tomorrow to make sure ppl see it bc I’ve seen other writing blogs do that... phew I’m kind of a crazy mess right now but writing this aura reader made me feel a lot better.
Other aura reader stuff:
Lesson One: Know Who You’re Up Against
Lesson Two: Leave the Past Alone
Lesson Three: Choose Your Words Wisely
Introductions
Ghost
“Have I taught you nothing?” Loki’s annoyed voice rang into my ear.
“Essentially!” I spat back, wiping debris and sweat off my face. Loki had been pissing me off so much today, and the fact that I was losing every battle I engaged in did not help.
“Get away from that one; I’ll handle him,” Loki barked. I sat straight up.
“No! I got it!” My feet slid in the dirt as I stood up, but I managed. My head swirled when I got to my feet and it took me a few seconds to catch my breath, but I quickly reengaged with the guy I was fighting. He was a scrawny dude, but his weapon was the biggest problem. He kept knocking me off my feet and catching me off guard, not giving me a chance to recompose.
“Stay one step ahead of him! Don’t let-”
I shut my earpiece off with a short growl, and summoned my aura to launch my body into the air, shooting wing-like shapes into the air in the color of my aura. I dodged the shots fired at me with ease, then dove in, trying to knock the weapon out of his hands. My efforts were in vain, and with a huff, I hovered back up in the air. Before I had time to react, I felt a surge of pain throughout my body. My focus was interrupted and I fell to the ground with a thud. I looked down and saw I was wrapped in some electric wire that the guy had shot from his weapon. The more I struggled, the tighter it wrapped, and the more my vision got blurry. I summed my aura the best I could, but it kept fading away. I groaned in pain, but I wasn’t about to give up. With a final burst of energy, I shut my eyes, suddenly getting my second wind. I was overwhelmed with energy and auras, consuming everything that surrounded me, then I felt no pain.
My ears rang, and I slowly opened my eyes. The wires that had previously been causing me so much pain sat beside me in useless strands, but the more surprising thing I saw was the barren wasteland that now sat in front of me. I wheezed, trying to catch my breath, as I looked that the circle I had created in the dirt and debris around me. Every bad guy we had been fighting was on the ground, which was good, but so was every avenger who had been grounded. I saw Cap sit up, dazed, and Nat laying face down.
I threw my hand to my ear to turn my communications back on. “Loki?” I breathed. “Where are you? Are you-”
“Y/n, are you okay? You weren’t near that explosion, were you?” He called back, voice frantic.
“I… I think I was the explosion.”
. . . . . . .
I never wanted to move again. My legs were sore, my arms were sore, muscles I didn’t know existed where sore. It was awful. It had been three days since the mission and the soreness had only dulled a little.
I rolled out of bed like a burrito and walked to the kitchen for breakfast, wrapped in a blanket that made me feel secure. Loki was there as I walked in, like he usually was, eating the leftover breakfast casserole we didn’t even know who had made.
“Hey,” I muttered, opening the freezer, looking for sausage biscuits.”
“Hi,” he replied, his voice sounding slightly concerned, but I ignored it. He hadn’t spoken to me much since after the mission. He was probably still mad at me. I put the biscuits in the microwave and turned around to lean against the fridge, facing Loki.
“You’re still mad,” I stated.
“Extremely,” Loki grumbled, pushing his food around with his fork.
I pursed my lips and nodded. “You’re not exactly reacting the way I thought you would.” Loki took in a deep breath, pondered saying something, then didn’t. “I’d rather you yell at me.”
“I’m not going to scold you.”
“Well, you should do something. I don’t know. You’re being annoying.”
Loki let out a grunt, making my eyes widen, not sure why I had asked him to react normally. “You are… absurd!” he exclaimed. I licked my lips and pressed them together in nervousness. “You don’t listen to me, you haven’t been using any of the skills I’ve taught you, and now you refuse to use your powers at all because of what happened last time! And you won’t talk about it with anyone! Not even me.” The last part was more of a mutter than anything else, but the rest was what I expected to hear immediately after the mission. Except for the part about me not using my powers. I didn’t think he had noticed.
“I have used my powers…”
“A blatant lie? Really? You usually try to mask it more than that,” Loki hissed, all fired up now. He stood up in a huff and threw his plates in the sink.
“I’ve only been resting,” I said, trying again. Loki turned to face me with a scary smile.
“See? Now that’s more like it,” he said with false pride, pointing a finger at me. “That one is more difficult to see through because that’s a lie you’re also telling yourself.” I rolled my eyes, exasperated by his ability to see through me. “If you believe it, then so should I,” he continued. “But the problem for you,” He came close to me and put his hands on both of my arms, “is that I know you too well.”
I looked up at him then down as I let out a sigh. “I really don’t want to use my powers again. That was… something I didn’t know I could do, and if I trigger it again... “ I trailed off and looked at Loki for reassurance.
“We’re going to have another lesson,” Loki told me, and I shook my head, fear coursing through my veins. “We’re going to have another lesson because you need to get over this fear. You’re not going to hurt anyone.”
I trusted Loki with my life, but I absolutely did not believe him.
. . . . . . .
“Start with the small stuff until you feel comfortable again,” Loki instructed. My hands shook, and I hated it. I had never been afraid of my powers. Even when I was still with my parents and they were afraid, and I still couldn’t totally control it, I knew I would never hurt anyone with it. It wasn’t like a weapon I possessed. It was my aura. It was a part of me and a part of everyone. I wasn’t creating anything out of thin air, I was using what already existed.
“I really don’t feel comfortable at all, Loki.” I couldn’t bring myself to do anything with my powers. It suddenly hurt to look at the auras that surrounded me. I wanted to crawl back in bed.
“Alright. New approach,” Loki announced, rubbing his hands together, evil villain style. He looked around at the gym. “It’s a bit tight in here, isn’t it?”
I shrugged and nodded, but Loki didn’t even look at me for a response. His aura dashed to his fingers, swirling around his palm as he raised his arm. Slowly, he moved his arm, rotating his body around the room, and as he did, the entire location changed. We were suddenly in an open, grassy field. I looked at Loki, confused.
“Where-”
“It’s actually quite hard to explain, but you won’t hurt anyone here,” Loki answered, looking around at the open field, breathing in the fresh air.
“I could hurt you,” I pointed out.
“You won’t,” he replied, not a care in the world. “Now, let’s figure this out.”
He helped me get comfortable again. He let me lift him up, talked me through relearning illusions, flying, picking up inanimate objects.
“You feel better?” Loki asked as i guided myself back down.
“Yeah,” I replied, breathing hard. I had tried to do tricks in the air.
“You really need to better your stamina,” Loki observed.
I reluctantly nodded. “Yeah, I know,” I grumbled. “I’m using my energy, though. I can’t just… make more.”
Loki picked up a finger. “Ah, which reminds me. Do you have any idea how you created that… pulse? If that was all your own power, you should have passed out or-”
“No, I should have died,” I corrected him. Loki fell silent, but I didn’t let the air stay quiet for long. “I think I used the energy from the electric rope around me? Or just from the auras around me… I’m not really sure. It was a blur.”
Loki nodded along, thinking. “I have an idea.”
“I’m not doing that again,” I said, stopping any plan he was forming.
“You need to know how to control it and how to do it,” he told me while I shook my head vigorously. “It could be very useful.”
“No, Loki. If something goes wrong I don’t know what could happen.”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“I might!” I barked. “Once again, I don’t know-”
“I can protect myself.” Loki’s voice felt like he was putting a spell on me. So firm and confident but also soothing and gentle.
“You haven’t in the past,” I argued, thinking back to the two times I launched him across a room with barely any effort.
Loki tilted his head with a smirk. “You think I would let you push me over that many times and not figure out how to defend myself? Don’t forget our first lesson.”
“How could I ever?” I said dryly, shaking my head. “You only bring it up every five seconds.”
“Trust me,” Loki said, tilting his head down, forcing me to look in his eyes. “It’s better for you to do this.”
I bit the inside of my lip and looked around that the open, harmless area. “Fine!” I gave in. “Okay. Fine. Let’s do this. What’s your… stupid idea.”
Loki let out a laugh. “Alright. I’ll summon as much magic as I can. I’m not completely sure how the summoning works. Usually I just… do things, but I’ll try, then you use that energy along with some of yours to create the pulse.”
I sighed and nodded.
“But,” Loki continued, remembering something. “Not too much of your own.”
I continued nodding, then shook my arms out, getting ready. “Okay,” I breathed. “Okay, okay, I’m ready.”
Loki gave a short nod and shut his eyes. I watched him more intently than I every had. His aura became a deep green and flowed around him like a current. It was beautiful. I snapped out of it before I became to dazed and focused his energy the best I could. I felt awake again, like I had during the mission. Loki summoned so much power, it was almost more than what I had felt before. I shut my eyes, quickly becoming overwhelmed. What I previously had thought was just a second wind, I knew now was just pure energy. Pure aura. Whether it was Loki’s natural aura, his magical aura, or my own aura, I had it all. I felt a rush, then a familiar ringing in my ears that meant it was over.
My eyes stayed shut longer than they really needed to, but I almost never wanted to open them again. I was scared of what I might see. When I finally managed to open my eyes, I wasn’t too surprised. The grassy field was now mainly dirt and upturned plants. I whipped around, trying to find Loki, but he wasn’t where he had been.
“Loki,” I said, almost growling. He had promised I wouldn’t hurt him. He had told me he would be fine. If he even had a scratch, I was going to kill him. “Loki?” I called, louder this time.
“Here.” I heard a gravelly voice call from behind a small hill that used to be covered in grass. I ran over to the voice despite my legs being jelly. I jumped to the bottom of the small hill and found Loki there, on his back, face covered in dirt.
“You said you wouldn't get hurt!” I screamed, angrier than I had ever been. “Fuck, Loki, you said!”
“I’m fine!” He assured me, trying to sound confident but it failed when he grimaced slightly as he sat up. I fell to his side, conflicted between being concerned or furious. “I’m really fine. It happened more suddenly that I thought it would, so I was just a bit late in deploying my shield.”
“I swear to god, Loki, I’m so pissed right now I just-” I growled through clenched teeth. Loki laughed and put his hand on my arm. I glared at him in response.
“That was impressive,” he said, looking at me in admiration.
“Thanks,” I muttered in response. “I don’t like doing it.”
“But now you know how. It could be-”
“Very useful, I know.”
Loki nodded and looked down, then back at me. “No one is going to force you to use it. We don’t have to tell the others about this.”
I licked my lips. “I’d rather not.”
Loki and I looked at each other in understanding and in… something else that I couldn’t pinpoint.
“You have so much dirt on your face,” I said with a small smile. Loki only kept staring at me, one eyebrow ever so slightly cocked, as if I hadn’t said anything. I cleared my throat. “Hello? Earth to Loki?” I  waved a hand in front of him, snapping him out of whatever trance he had been in.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Shall we return?”
I nodded, eyebrows furrowed, and he put us back in the gym within seconds. Loki’s aura was still fairly active as we stood up, and mine was as well, despite having recovered from my aura pulse. But it was strange because I didn’t feel energetic or frantic or overwhelmed like when I was about to release the pulse.
I suddenly reached my arm out and grabbed Loki’s sleeve, forcing him to look at my distraught facial expression. “Oh my god,” I said, heart racing. “I forgot my sausage biscuits in the microwave.”
Another A/N: Okay wait wouldn’t “Pulse” be a cool superhero name for aura reader? Maybe that’s just me? Idk I feel like that’s pretty damn cool.
TAGGED:
@sarahivi @ilvermornyqueen @gladerb5 @tbetz0341 @1800-fight-me @nowitsyourturntocry @lokilover2000 @emergenciesstory @savemealoevera @frostymoon11 @stayfrosty-royalsunshine @scarred-neptinite @phonegalhelp @cruisingheightswithdragons @lusty-loki @ourdeliciousfoxcollector
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