#every version of jimmy surrounds himself with cats

[spyglahass]

time for the weekly (apparently) collab with @kiwibaskerville that comes with the twt empires Aggie o7

[ewatsonia]

Friends on the Other Side

The absurd multiverse that is the bnha au will never die. Terrifying Universe Ian has some words with Luke. [Ao3 Version]

The moment he walked into his dorm room, a gut feeling told Luke he’d made a mistake. The room was the same as he’d left it before going to class, everything was in its proper place, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.  He took a deep breath in and he could just feel it in his lungs.

Luke trusted his instincts, he needed to leave.

He spun on his heel and turned around. He reached for the doorknob.

The door opened and Luke’s entire world was pain. He clamped his hands over his ears as they filled with an overwhelming uproar of static and ringing.

A tickle and numbness slowly spread across his chest, but when he tried coughing it away all the air was replaced with pins and needles stabbing into his lungs and he collapsed to his knees hacking and wheezing, trying to get them out of there but succeeding only in hurting his throat.

The static in his ears died down, and he heard the door shut with a gentle thud. Luke looked in that direction and saw a pair of sneakers, heard a small chuckle.

“Well that was stupid.” said a familiar distorted voice that made it even harder for Luke to breathe.

Against his better judgement, even though he knows what he’s going to see, Luke lifted his head up.

Leaning against the door, arms crossed loosely and oh so casual, like he still lived here, was Ian. He wore a cruel smirk and his eyes were dark voids with television snow dancing behind them. He stared down Luke like a cat about to pounce on a mouse.

“Hello Luke.”  he said, grinning wider. Between blinks, Ian’s eyes returned to normal and he took in his surroundings. There was still no light in them. “Haven’t been here in a while...I see you kept my side of the room the same, I’m flattered.”

Another weak cough escaped Luke, but he could feel the pins and needles fading. He slowly pulled himself off the ground, begging for air.

Air. He could breathe now, which also meant he could sing.

Even with everything Ian had done now, a pang of preemptive guilt shot through Luke. He’d never dreamed of using his powers to hypnotize one of his friends but he had to remind himself Ian wasn’t his friend anymore. He breathed in. “You-”

The pins and needles were back, worse than before, knocking Luke onto all fours. The only thing out of Luke’s mouth was another round of coughing and pinpricks of blood and saliva.

“Now now, no need to use your quirk.” Ian scolded, squatting down in front of him. He chuckled at his ex-friend’s plight. “Did you really think I didn’t see that coming Luke? We both know I’m smarter than that.”

His one chance at an upper hand ripped away from him, Luke trembled and held his head down. All the training, all the strategies were escaping him. He was completely at Ian’s mercy and he didn’t know what to do.  His mind flashed to a battle not that long ago, Ian viciously tearing through other villains, lightning from Ian’s blood lust cracking at Jimmy’s fingertips as he turned to his former club mates.

“Nobody touches Hidden Block but me!”

Chills swept down Luke’s spine. What was Ian going to do to him?

An arm reached down and spindly fingers grabbed Luke by the chin. He fought back a wince and Ian tilted it up, forcing Luke to meet his gaze. Ian’s eyes narrowed and he studied him with curiosity dancing them. They widened with realization and Ian laughed.

“You’re scared of me.”

Luke said nothing—he wouldn’t dream of it even if he could—but internally he agreed. He hated that he did, and he hated how smug Ian was about it. How had one of his best friends turned into this?

Ian let go of Luke’s chin and got up, looming over him. “There’s an easy way to fix that though. ”

Luke was still as a statue, tensing up to keep himself from shaking. He was a hero. It was going to be his job someday to fight villains far scarier than this. He needed to be calm in the face of it all, even if every fiber of his being wanted to give in to his feelings and tremble. The villain being an old friend didn’t change that.

“Join me.”

A hand extended down towards Luke, an offer to help him up. Luke stared at it, lifting his eyebrows and mouth dropping open. Was Ian for real?  After everything that had happened, did he expect Luke to take that hand?

He directed his disbelief at Ian and shook his head.

“Come on Luke…” Ian coaxed, not moving his hand an inch, because yes, he did expect Luke to take it. “Don’t be difficult. Don’t make me do this the hard way. Do you really want to keep this up? Fighting with an old friend you know will beat you every time?”

Luke clenched his teeth, trying to ignore the flashes of battles that corroborated Ian’s point.  

“It gets old for me too you know.” Ian pulled the hand back and crossed his arms, prowling around Luke, daring him to move with a predatory gleam in his eye. This was fun for him. “I don’t want to fight, I want us to be friends. I want us to work together again, I miss that.”

“Some day the heroes are going to lose Luke, for good. I’d hate to see you wasting your talents being one of them. After all…”  Ian crouched in front of Luke again, getting in close.

A smile missing the earlier malice spread across Ian’s face, an echo of his old self that was painful to look at. “Heroes don’t hypnotize people, and don’t you want the world to hear your music?”

Pangs of hurt hit Luke right in the heart, hearing words he’d spoken to Ian in moments of vulnerability thrown back at him as a weapon. That wasn’t fair. That wasn’t fair. Tears crept into the corners of his eyes out of his control.

“Say something. Without your Quirk.”

Even knowing his wasn’t particularly threatening, Luke glared. “You’re out of your freaking mind. I’m not joining you, not in a million years.”

The distortion in Ian’s voice picked up in a way Luke had scarce heard before. “You might wanna reconsider that answer.”  

“No!” barked Luke.

There was a growl of annoyance at Luke’s defiance and with it came the static again, filling his ears, crackling and stabbing Luke’s lungs from the inside out. They started to feel numb, and he gasped for air that did nothing for him.

“You’re not leaving this room unless you say yes!”  Ian screeched, voice layered over itself in different pitches, so loud that it should’ve been audible to the rest of the building. For a moment, Luke had a glimmer of hope that it would attract someone’s attention and they’d come to help him.

But nobody came.

The tears in his eyes spilled over in pain as Luke coughed and wretched, trying to clear his lungs and breathe but it felt like the presence of the Void only got stronger the more and more he fought. His vision dimmed and red flashed behind closed eyelids with each cough. They opened when he realized something was coming out of his mouth, though no relief was carried with it.

A large splotch of blood stained the carpet in front of him, and more dripped from his mouth.

A moment of clarity allowed Luke to catch a breath.

He did what his instincts screamed, and charged to tackle Ian. In the back of his head he knew Ian had been one of the best hand-to-hand combatants in their year and this was incredibly stupid. But it was fight or flight, and he had nowhere to run.

It caught Ian off guard, and he stumbled back into the door, reeling from the sudden attack. His eyes were wide. Luke had the upper hand for just a moment. The moment didn’t last.

Luke struggled as Ian twisted the situation to his favor, using their proximity to grab him. He lifted Luke up and into a hold with one arm tight around his chest, impeding his breathing further, and the other hand gripping the bottom of his chin.

A slight movement from Ian and Luke’s neck would snap.

"I've not seen such bravery-too bad you're wasting it on the wrong side." Ian whispered in Luke’s ear. The hand on Luke’s chin twitched and nudged, just the slightest bit, like it was aching to move more.

Oh my god I’m going to die.

Tears streamed down his face and his breathing turning into choked sobs. His heart was practically beating out of his chest that still stung with lingering static. Luke was only sixteen, but this was it. He closed his eyes, waiting, wondering if this fate was a better than one spent with the villain alliance.

It had to be. Anything was better than that, and in his last moments Luke wished Ian could’ve realized the same thing. Luke wanted them on the same side just as much as Ian did...just not the one Ian was thinking.

Then Ian dropped him, letting Luke fall face down onto the ground with a thud.

Luke could hear Ian’s footsteps. He kept his eyes closed, figuring that maybe Ian had just decided that snapping his neck wasn’t fun enough. He half expected to feel the pressure of Ian’s shoe on his back. Nothing of the sort happened and Luke noted that it sounded like Ian was stepping back.

Hesitantly, Luke peered back over his shoulder.

Ian’s shoulders were slack, making himself look smaller. His hands were open and in front of him, very still. His eyes went back to normal and the presence of the Void was fading from the room.

"I wasn't going to...I just want us on the same side."

Slowly, projecting all his movements, Ian went to the door, opened it, and slipped behind it. There was a flash of intensity from the Void, until the door shut again and Ian took it with him.

Breathing clearly for the first time since Ian had gotten there, Luke picked himself off the ground. Nothing but sweet, sweet air filled his lungs now, but his throat still burned, raw and torn up. Luke’s head was still light too. He needed to get out of his room and get to the nurse.

Cautiously, Luke opened the door, afraid of a repeat of earlier. There was no onslaught of static this time, and he sighed with relief when he saw the hallway outside his room. He had a feeling it hadn’t been there for a while.

He made it all but a few steps before consciousness started to slip from him and he went crashing down to the wood floor of the hall.

Distantly, he heard someone asking if he was okay before he blacked out.

[asktheoutside]

Prequel cast anon again! What fighting styles do the other Egos use? Also, I noticed that I have my own tag now! Thanks!

Yip! You do! ^^ And if you want a different tag, just be sure to tell me; I’m happy to change your tag to that! (also, headcanon-related questions make me soooo happy! I love answering them

As for the fighting styles the others use, it’ll be below the cut so I can go into detail and it’ll be pretty long! Note that this is for their Outside versions, so I may write fighting styles a little differently elsewhere (i.e. Anti would definitely use his claws in any other AU, but doesn’t have them in this one anymore, or Dev would use his horns if he still had them; just stuff like that)

~Mick

Antisepticeye: Keeps hunched low the entire time; lashes out with his knife at random. He’ll be the first on the attack every time. He’ll typically go straight for the weak points–eyes, throat, belly–and won’t hold his punches. Even in this AU, he wouldn’t be afraid to maim or kill someone if it came down to a fight. If there’s technology nearby, he’ll glitch it out to cause distraction, or possess it if it’s something he can harm his opponent with.

Bim Trimmer: Bim has no qualms against getting blood or flesh in his mouth, and if it came down to fighting for his life, he would go straight for the throat. He can’t land a punch to save his life, so he has to rely on scaring the crap out of his opponent with the threat of tearing their throat out, or use his voice projecting ability (voice can be projected really loudly in any direction he wants, as if using a megaphone) to startle them so he can get away. If scaring them doesn’t work, he won’t hesitate whatsoever to sink his teeth in.

Bingiplier: He flinches away from raised fists, but his frame itself could be enough to defend him from a human or non-robotic Figment by making them break their hand. He’s not likely to defend himself thanks to Red and Green’s treatment toward him, but if he’s protecting someone else he would use his skateboard/the nearest large object like a bat, or pulse his aura to electrocute his opponent.

Blue: He’s agile like a cat, and will twist in ways he really shouldn’t be able to in order to reach his opponent’s weak points. If he can get behind them, that’s all the better. If he’s aiming to kill, he’ll typically try for a quick snap of the neck: It’s easy and effective. If he’s aiming to incapacitate, he’ll try for a choke and just. Knock them out. He doesn’t really care how, as long as he’s not going to cause any permanent damage.

Chase Brody: His gun is his best friend in a fight, and he’s surprisingly quick on his feet. He’ll stay as far from his opponent as possible; dancing circles around them to avoid their attacks and firing warning shots to try and scare them off, and aim for the shoulders and legs if they don’t back down. When it comes to protecting his kids, however, he’ll aim right for the chest and head. To make sure they’re safe, he’s not against killing someone, and will feel no guilt for it. (***spoiler***)     (***spoiler***)When he becomes a cop, his style will change immensely because his first priority will be to protect the people around him, but also try not to injure his opponent if he can help it. He’ll be more likely to use a taser, with his gun only as a last resort. When it comes to his opponent having guns, he’s fearless and will dive right in to disarm them. He is bulletproof, after all. 

Darkiplier: If he’s able, Dark is most likely to use/prefers his reality warping to make his opponent see something that isn’t really there (his reality warping is mostly illusion-based) to make it easy to incapacitate them, or step back and let his aura do all the fighting. The less he has to do to avoid getting his suit dirty, the better. He’ll only use his fists if he’s caught of guard or has no other choice; but don’t let that fool you. He packs a punch.

Ed Edgar: He doesn’t fight. That’s that. He’ll pull his sunglasses down to try and Persuade his opponent, but if that doesn’t work he’s high-tailing it outta there. The only reason he seemed all threatening with Jacques was because our artsy boy wouldn’t defend himself and Ed’s a coward; picking only on those weaker than himself. He’s happy to argue with someone who could beat the crap out of him, but if it came down to an actual fight, he’s outta there.

Dr. Edward Iplier: Not very good at fighting, but he’s likely to use his (very limited) magic to grab a scalpel out of thin air so he can at least defend himself. He doesn’t stand the best chance in a fight if he’s on his own, even with a weapon, and will take any chance he can find to get the hell out of there.

Green: His fighting style mirror Blue’s almost exactly, except he’s not quite as agile and will try to trip his opponent rather than get behind them.

Dr. Henrik von Schneeplestein: He’s a big guy in this AU: Broad shoulders, big hands, thick skull, and a lot of muscle and fat. As of this moment (Chapter 51 most recent) he’s not too well-trained in fighting and would mostly rely on his scalpel, sleep ability (touching their forehead with his palm, he can knock them out cold), or a well-time swing of a fist. As the fic goes on, he’ll definitely start using his size to his advantage. And pairing brute strength with the doctor’s knowledge of every square inch of a body? He’s not going down easy.

The Host: Don’t be confused by his lack of eyes; you don’t want to be on the receiving end of his fist. He’ll use his Sight to Watch his opponent’s moves moments before they actually happen, and dodge/attack accordingly. If his opponent is physically stronger than himself or caught him off guard, he’ll pull his bat from the folds of his coat and swing for the head, or use his ink-aura to drown them. He will not be the first to attack, but if he’s the one attacked the Author’s sadism comes to light and he aims to kill.

Jackieboy Man: He’ll try his damnedest not to hurt his opponent too bad, aiming instead to dodge around them and try to get in close enough to incapacitate them. He can twist in ways no normal person should, and will use that to his advantage, going so far as to use his flight to move around them quickly and carefully. If he realizes that he’ll need to do some damage to get his opponent down, he’ll use his screech to knock them back and temporarily deafen them so he can move in to pin them. The ability has a good chance to cause some serious internal damage, so he opts to only use it when absolutely necessary. 

Jacques Septique: He has zero knowledge in self defense. He’ll flinch away and cower in a corner if it came to an actual fight. His only chance would be to sketch something useful to pull off the page, but it’s more likely he’s too scared out of his wits to even think of doing that, let alone would he have the time to do so. He’s the least likely of the bunch to win a fight, and would rely completely on his feet to get him out of there. Unfortunately for Jacques, he’s really clumsy when it comes to running…

Jameson Jackson: Hand-to-hand is his greatest strength if it came down to a fight. He packs a lot of punch in that little frame, and if he’s defending himself or someone else he’s not going to care if he breaks his opponent’s nose or knocks out a few teeth. He’s probably the most likely to worry about showing his abilities and risking a human seeing, but if he’s in a situation it won’t matter that he does, he’ll likely use his Helping Hands as a second set of fists to go at his opponent. He’ll aim for the jaw and nose with every blow until his opponent is either backing down or on the ground.

Jim (News Jim): He would literally just. Stick his foot out and hope his opponent trips. Though if they actually got him, all he’d have to do was release his aura; it’s linked to his ability to See death, so it looks, smells, feels, and stains like blood. He could just drown his opponent in it if they didn’t let go of him.

Jimmy (Weather Jim): More physically fit and quicker on his feet than his brother (or most of the others, for that matter since he likes running), he’d have a very good chance of simply outrunning his opponent. His best bet would just be tiring them out; be it through if they decided to chase him, or if he ducked away from their attacks. Regardless, he wouldn’t lay a hand on them and hope for an opening to run.

King of the Squirrels: He may be small, but don’t be fooled. If he’s attacked he practically goes feral: Biting and scratching at anything to come into reach; going for the soft spots whenever he can. Once his opponent deals the first blow, they’ll have fun trying to get any more in. He’ll do anything to get them pinned and knocked out, and there’s a good chance he could cause a whole lot of cranial damage once they’re down or even kill his opponent without meaning to.

Marvin the Magnificent: Preferring to fight his opponent from afar, he’ll use his magic to attack them. Bolts of it that can burn or cut, making them levitate, throwing them backward, anything he can to incapacitate them. When he fights, it looks like he’s dancing: Cape billowing, eyes and hands glowing, aura surrounding him, every movement precise and fluid. Chances are, he’s not going to care how much damage he causes his opponent, as long as he’s the one to walk out alive.

Oliver: Goes straight for the arms. He’ll twist them, break them, crush them if he has to. He has agility to rival Blue, and will twist and turn in whatever ways he needs to to get at his opponent’s hands. Once he’s got a good hold on them, he ensures there’s no breaking free. He won’t usually aim to kill, but if he does a snapped neck is quick and easy. 

Red: Relies on brute force, often trying to get in close enough to choke his opponent. The most likely to be injured while actively fighting his opponent because he won’t care to dodge attacks, and only worry about getting close enough to get his hands around their neck. He aims to kill, and will gladly do so by crushing his opponent’s windpipe.

Silver Shepherd: He has inhuman strength, and will (try to) use it to dispatch his opponent as quickly as possible without hurting them too badly. He’ll typically try to get behind his opponent and go for the arms to pin them behind their back, or fly at them to tackle them. He tends to misjudge his own strength and hurt them more than he intended, or he’ll wind up knocking them out when he lands a punch too hard. 

Wilford Warfstache: His attacks are unpredictable, and he’s often the one to deal the first blow. Sometimes he’ll use a gun, other times a switchblade, or his magic, or just his fists. He’s a brick wall; will square his shoulders and rush his opponent with his chosen weapon at the ready. Unless he’s fighting just for the hell of it, his intent is to kill; often aiming for the stomach with his weapons, or throat when he’s bare-handed. It’s not unheard of for him to teleport just before he reaches them so he can get them from behind.

Yandereplier: Quick and graceful, he moves as if his limbs were made of water. He prefers a katana in each hand, showing off with dangerous tricks with them throughout the fight. Tricks that, if he wasn’t skilled with them, would end with him dead. His intent is to kill, usually with a slice to his opponent’s neck, or one or both katanas lodged in their gut.

Devilplier: Most likely to use his bare hands or a gun. He’s a tall, broad man, and will definitely use that to his advantage. If he’s bare-handed, he’ll buffalo his way into control over his opponent, taking any blows they deal to worry about later, then go for a choke hold, or use his aura to attack theirs. If he has a gun, he won’t so much as step toward his opponent. He’ll just start shooting until they go down.

MadPat: He’s not good at hand-to-hand, and relies solely on weapons and abilities to save his ass in a fight. While he does keep a gun on himself, he greatly prefers fire and has pyrokinesis as one of his abilities. If he’s out of it or caught off guard, he’s more likely to use a gun (like when Schneep found him injured), but otherwise he’ll try for fire. When he’s in a fight, his goal is to cause as much damage to his opponent as possible.

Natemare: He’s not a big guy and he knows it; he’s good as dead if a bigger opponent gets him pinned. He’ll teleport at random around his opponent, dealing blows when he can with whatever he can and trying his damnedest not to get hit himself. He’ll use his smaller size to duck around his opponent, having no qualms about “low blows” to the groin, or lunging up to headbutt them under the chin. He doesn’t intend to cause permanent damage, though if his life is on the line he won’t care as much if he does.

[imaginemycroftholmes]

@grand-admiral-luna

“No one can know about her,” Moriarty fussed to his loyal sidekick Sebby, the Terror Tiger, looked unfazed by the declaration from his boss.

This wasn’t something new to him considering their gigs as superheroes for the greater part of London.

As Pyro Professor and Terror Tiger they constantly battled with the evil masterminds such as Ice Man, Purple Pirate or even worse, tango with their favorite henchman, Captain Action.

It was always a game of cat and mouse as the lone duo tried to rid the city of their influence and control while managing to evade arrest. A deed, most annoying slow considering Mycroft Holmes aka Ice Man had his hand in the pockets of every major business and authority.

To have their own sibling Eurus as their mole was a blessing the city couldn’t afford to lose as she had a watchful eye on both her brothers evil schemes. 

“Boss, if the Ice Man and Purple Pirate haven’t caught onto our real identities by now then I don’t think we have to worry about it,” Sebby rationalizes to Jim, “I mean they still won’t come to terms that the Holmes brothers are villains so why worry about us?”

“Because if they figure out who we are our families will be in danger,” Jim stresses, “They  could be used as bait or worse!”

 This isn’t the first time that Jim had gone off like this about his sister _____ after a difficult foiling of the dastardly duo but this is one of the few times it was too close for comfort.

However, being an orphan of war Sebastian can’t imagine what it feels like to lose someone but if its anything by the way Jim acts he know it can’t be good.

Not one of them could figure out why or how ______ kept ending up near their battles but it was starting  to put Jim on edge and when Jim is on edge then he’s crawling up his back with complaints that makes him want to claw off the backs of the infamous Holmes brothers just to make Jim stop crying.

And he just got his titanium claws resharpened just for the occasion. 

Watching and (tuning out) his boss’s ramblings about keeping his sister safe Sebastian turns his attention to the big screen showing off the city’s zones praying for a distraction when a cellphone rings.

“I’m holding out for a hero! I’m holding out for a hero until the morning's light..”

If it wasn’t for the fact that Jim was surrounded by some of his most dangerously sensitive bombs-the ones that only required just a light pressure to set off- Sebastian might have found it funny how he fumbled for his phone to answer it. 

With his cat-like reflexes he swooped in to drag the the nervous man from dropping his device on what would be an instant death for them both and answered the phone for him.

“Hello?”

“Sebby,” comes an excited voice from the other line, “It’s great to hear you! How has the canning business going with you two lately?”

Sebastian winces both at the moniker that ____ picked up from her brother and the fact that she still believes that lie.

How anyone believes that lie is beyond him but then again, people still can’t believe that Sherlock Holmes is the Purple Pirate DESPITE WEARING THE SAME OUTFIT EACH TIME BUT ONLY PURPLE. THERE’S NO MASK TO OBSCURE HIS FACE OR HAIR BUT WHEN HE TRIES TO SHOW PEOPLE THAT THEY THINK HE’S “CRAZY”.

But thanks to his ever witty and not good with lies on the spot partner the first thing that came out of his mouth for their nightly activities is starting a canning business and they’re in a relationship.

Needless to say, this puts a damper on his dating life but for the life of him Sebastian doesn’t have the heart to cheat on Jim for fear of _____’s private version of “You hurt him and I’ll make sure you have a 4 year slow death in the backyard tool shed back in Sussex where no one can hear you scream.”

If ______ is anywhere near as bad as Moriarty Sebastian doesn’t want to be on her bad side. 

“Yeah, its going great _____,” Sebastian says convincingly while shooting a glare at Jim who is piteously trying to reach for his phone, “So what are you up to sunshine?”

“I’m so glad you asked,” she continues with enthusiasm, “You see, I met this guy...”

“You met a guy you say,” Sebastian parrots loudly knowing good and well that it would send her brother into a rage.

“A GUY?? WHO IS HE?? SEB! GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!”

It really shouldn’t bring Sebastian as much joy as it does but Jim jumping desperately to retrieve his phone but it does and he continues to torment him.

“So what? you want me and Jim to meet him,” Sebastian carries on causally like Jim isn’t trying to scale him.

And failing.

“Yeah, actually. I’ve kinda been seeing him for over 2 months now and want him to get acquainted with you guys because I might be bringing him home for Christmas this year,” she states with more confidence than her brother wearing spandex tights.

“Ya know that’s a pretty big step in a relationship right?”

“I know,” _____ agrees, “But this guy is just so right for me that I don’t feel like its too big of  deal.”

  ‘Yeah I know,” Sebastian concedes, “But you know that your brother is going to have kittens right?”

“Well, that’s why I want you to come with. Nothing can settle someone down like their spouse am I right?”

“Spouse...right...”

“Speaking of which is my brother around?”

Looking around and finding that Jim had skunked off somewhere was alarming.The guy never gave up that easily which was why he was the Purple Pirate’s favorite target. 

“I think he may have ran to the loo-” Sebastian tries to say before an image of terror, Moriarty running full speed with one of his guns toward him with a battle cry of “GIVE ME MY PHONE” being heard throughout the hide out. 

“No, wait! ____, here he is,” Sebastian cries as he throws the device at Jim and runs for cover.

The phone is quickly caught by Jim who purrs his hellos to her and then promptly hangs up.

Sebastian doesn’t have to turn around from his hiding spot to know that its Moriarty standing behind him. His voice is dark and deadly as he leans closer.

“You tease me like that again when ______ is calling and I’ll clip those claws permanently.” 

“Yes boss,” Sebastian responds carefully knowing that when Jim is in one these moods that his life can very well be in forfeit because for all of Jim’s silliness he was a damn genius with an affinity for violence and murder. 

He could only shudder of what horrors Moriarty would unleash if he had not been on the side of angels.

“So, when are we meeting him?”

“Next Tuesday at 6″, Jim spats coldly, ‘And you had better not make us late.”

“You know that’s not my faul-” Sebastian says defensively until he sees the look of murder in his boss’s eyes. “I mean, sure boss,” he corrects himself, “are you going to use Eurus to spy on the bloke?”

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I want to know the scum who’s shacking up with my sister? I want to know who he is, what he does and what he shits to see if he’s good enough for her! I wanna maul the guy with all the dirt I have on him so he’ll fuck off and leave us alone.”

Poor guy Sebastian thinks as his boss stalks off to Skype Eurus he can’t be all bad if ____ likes him.

                                XxXxXxX

“YOU.”

“Believe me the feeling is mutual.”

“Guys, can we settle down please! We’re in a public place!!”

“You gotta be kidding me.”

Here, sitting before him in the flesh in one of his bespoken suits, is the Ice Man at one of the nicer restaurants in London acting like he’s an honest to God good man beside Jim’s sister. 

Like the guy hadn’t tried to murder them last week for foiling their slave labor camps in India or tortured them on occasion.

And to make matters worse his hand is on _____’s thigh, oh my God Jim is going to murder him before the waiter even arrives.

________ has her hands up as is to stop her brother from launching himself over the table to fight and pronounces quickly, “I can explain!”

Well this would explain why Eurus couldn’t find information on him Sebby muses as the air becomes frigid. 

Crap, its one of Ice Man’s classic moves Sebastian thinks as other civilains begin to feel the icy sting.

“Explain what,” Jim spits out venomously, “that this monster brainwashed you into thinking that it loves you? That not even you can recognizes that he’s the Ice Man, the man responsible for the poverty and waste in our country? That he’s so evil that members of his own family are trying to end his tyranny?”

“Jimmy!”

“Now you see here, you two-bit genius,” Mycroft interjects, “I may make up causes and strife for my own gain but my love for ______ is one of the few things from me that are true.”

“Bullshit! You’re just using her to get to me!”

“Why would he want you when you already have Sebby,” _____ cries.

“I’m not gay!”

Sebastian can already see their waiter in the distance looking far too nervous to approach the shouting match that was their table so he shooed him off with a “come back later.”

Realizing that this would not only lead to a needless blood bath but to unmasking their identities to the public Sebastian tries his attempt to at least save this meal.

Tapping his glass to get their collective attention Sebastian starts,” Shut the hell up, you guys are causing a scene.”

Pointing at Mycroft accusing Jim begins to mouth out, “But he started-”

“I don’t care who started this I told you to shut up!”

He looks around the table at the lot of them.

______ looking confused and hurt that anyone would accuse Mycroft of anything less than sainthood, Mycroft torn between tearing ____ away with him like the villain he is or staying to suss out any evil intent toward her and Jim seemingly five seconds from ignoring the command to maul the Ice Man outright.

Praying to whatever deity that cursed him into a situation like this Sebastian began. “Look, we can’t outright believe that Ice Ma-I mean, Mycroft has the best intentions toward you _______-”Only to be interrupted by Jim’s HA!

Giving Jim a glare Sebastian continues, “However, JIM, we also can’t lawfully say that Mycroft’s feelings aren’t true because we aren’t mind readers.”

“I bet I can find us one on Craigslist!”

“Jimmy shut the hell up,” ______ hisses before gesturing for Sebastian to carry on. “So, my proposal is that we, Jim and I, monitor you two just to make sure that you’re safe.”

“But I’m 32,” ______ complains, “I’m too old for a chaperone!”

“Listen, I’m doing what I can _____. It’s either this or Jim’s going to try and murder Mycroft when you’re not around. It’s a compromise.”

“As if he could after all this time,” Mycroft snidely remarks.

“Maybe I just didn’t have the right motivation,” Jim counters getting squared up.

“Promises, promises,” Mycroft teases as he gestures for a waiter,” Besides we both know who the better genius is.”

“Yeah, your little sister.”

The air was becoming increasingly frigid to the point where Sebby was sure that he would have to evacuate people from the premises until _____ leaned onto Mycroft’s shoulder, melting away the frost.

“Guys, guys! Let’s stop the banter and eat! I’ve been dying to try this menu for ages,” _______ says cuddling Mycroft’s chill into submission.

“Anything you wish ______,” Mycroft says fondly in a way that makes Jim’s skin crawl.

Later after the bill was (fought over) and paid for  _____ hung back with him while Mycroft and Jimmy went to “talk” about some ground rules in private.

 “Sebby, why do Mycroft and Jimmy hate each other,” she asked innocently, “I know they never went to school together and Mycroft rarely leaves his office so how would they know each other enough to despise one another?”

Cursing his boss and this ridiculousness of their town Sebastian states, “We’re rival canning companies.”

“Oh, well that makes sense.” 

Listen, I’m not the best at superhero/villain names so cut me some slack. 

[p-artsypants]

320 State Street- 7 (July 4)

AO3 | FF.net (I forgot to post 6 on here, but it’s on the two sites)

Sorry for posting late. Finals. And there’s a lot of drama in my personal life. 

—

“Do you even know what you’re doing?”

Astrid read the numbers on the screen, the total price of the purchase, but it never left her lips. She knew the number, but the words just weren’t there. “It’s um…uh…” She blinked a couple times, drawing a blank.

“Look, I want to talk to someone who’s not retarded. Where’s that other kid?”

It felt like the whole world slowed down. Her cheeks glowed with a quiet rage. “Excuse me?”

“Are you disabled? Is that why you can’t pay attention? Let me talk to your manager!”

Alvin entered the store, and the customer began conspiring with him. She could hear the phrases “worst employee,” “unbelievably stupid,” and “belongs in an institution.”

It was then that she realized that who she was looking at. The customer that was slowly ruining her life, the woman with the bleached bangs and black undercut. There was some reason this woman was trying to ruin her life.

“Hofferson, you’re fired.” Alvin’s voice was like a gun shot.

Hiccup stood in the background, shaking his head. “You’re such a disappointment. You couldn’t even do this simple job. What are you going to do as a nurse?”

Gobber came out from the back room. “No point in going to see your father, you’ve dishonored him. He doesn’t deserve you as a daughter. You’re just like your mother.”

The floorboards started to shift and open up beneath her.

The last thing she saw before falling was Hiccup’s disappointed scowl.

Astrid jolted out of bed with a yelp. Her dream had been all to vivid and real. She laid back on the pillow with a sigh and tried to relax.

Today was her day off, and she sorely needed it. The stress of work and daily life was really getting to her. But today, it was relaxing and kicking back with friends and family.

The thought alone brought a smile to her face.

She turned and looked at the clock.

11 am.

It would take a little to get her dad situated, if he even felt up to the party, so she supposed she’d leave early.

Hopefully, everyone would understand.

—

It was a wonderfully perfect day. A perfect, slightly breezy 72. No clouds in the sky to hide fireworks at night. The deck was filling up. It was a strange crowd, a couple of police officers, a couple of wealthy business owners, and a healthy dose of blue collar workers, all gathered around a grill drinking beer and laughing without abandon. Not an overwhelming number, just a group of unlikely friends.

“So the reason I threw up in front of Jimmy Johns was…well, I do drink a lot. Not while I drive, and I’m over 21!” Tuff sat on a cooler and loudly told an anecdote. Everyone was listening, whether they wanted to or not. “What was different about this time—and there was something different—cause I threw up on myself this weekend, but this time…this time I was walking and right when I started to feel like I had to vomit, you know you do that thing like, HRGH HRGH HRGH, like it’s in the back of your throat? Right when that happened, I turned and made eye contact with a lady sitting outside a Starbucks. And then proceeded to keep eye contact with her as I vomited.

“So there she was, drinking her mocha-frappalatte, or whatever they have there. And suddenly she sees the guy across the street just look at her and he just AGGHHHHHHH!!” He fake vomited on the deck, the assembled crowd laughing or ‘ewing’ respectfully. “Can you just imagine what she was thinking? Like, ‘oh my god Becky, I was so ugly today, I made a man vomit.”

While everyone laughed and pushed Tuff around, the doorbell rang.

Hiccup was the only one who heard it and hurried to the door.

Whatever he was expecting, this wasn’t it. Sure, Astrid was there, and her father was in a wheelchair. But he wasn’t prepared for Mr. Hofferson to be a shrunken man, sitting blankly in his chair. His neatly trimmed blonde hair and beard had white streaks in it. His eyelids drooped slightly and hid his striking blue eyes.

“Dad, this is my good friend Hiccup. I work with him. He’s also taking care of Stormfly until I can get a bigger house.”

“Hello sir,” Hiccup smiled, “It’s nice to meet you.”

The man’s eyes slid over to make eye contact with him, and his mouth moved, but nothing but a soft mutter came out. He did hold out a jittery hand, though.

“He doesn’t talk,” Astrid whispered. “Not anymore. But I’m sure he’s pleased to meet you.”

Hiccup smiled nonetheless and shook his limp hand. Then helped them into his home.

“I’m glad you could both make it.” He grinned.

“Yeah, dad was having a pretty good day, according to the nurses.”

A squawk came from the rafters before Stormfly landed on Axel’s shoulder. “Hello, Handsome.”

Astrid smiled, “honestly, as long as he can get out of hospice and be around people for a while, he’ll be happy as a clam.”

“I didn’t realize clams were happy.”    

On the deck, everyone stopped to look at them when they entered. “Uh, hi!” Astrid greeted, nervously. “I’m Astrid, and this is my dad.”

Almost immediately, there was a delighted call, “Axel! Why you son of a gun! You made it!” Followed by several others, “Axel! Why you dirty old bastard!”

“Why, would you look at that!”

“If it ain’t ole Hoffmaster!”

Again, Mr. Hofferson said nothing, but something behind his eyes lit up and Gobber came over and clapped his shoulder. “What, has it been over five years now?”

“Wait, you guys know each other?”

Stoick laughed from over by the grill. “Anyone who doesn’t know Axel Hofferson must live under a rock! Best electrician in the tri-city area!”

“Wait…” She narrowed her eyes, “Then did you know who I was when you hired me?”

Gobber chuckled. “Of course lass, I recognized you from the photos your dad carried around with him…though I couldn’t remember your name…”

It wasn’t long until Axel was absorbed into the crowd and everyone began filling him on all sorts of gossip and what changed in their little world.

It was like he wasn’t even sick.

“Hey Astrid, this might be kind of rude…” Hiccup began, coming up to her side. “But uh…”

“Parkinson’s,” She answered shortly. “Usually you get it when you’re old, but my dad got it early. Some doctors think it’s genetic, others think it’s from insulation in walls and ceilings.”

“Is that the one where you have seizures?”

“Sort of…it’s not like epilepsy, but you lose control of your muscles. My dad sometimes has tremors.”

“Oh…so, was your dad always have this?”

She sighed, “As long as I remember, he had to have my mom button his shirts for him. He was fine for a really long time, but had to retire when I was in eighth grade and then had to go into assisted living a year after I went away to school.”

“That’s why you came back.”

“And why I went into nursing.” She crossed her arms and spoke softly. “My mom and I never got along, but my dad always treated me like a princess. So I want to do my best to take care of him.”

Hiccup looked to her, and then to her father, who was surrounded by his friends and had just a hint of smile on his face. “I think you’re doing fine.”

“Well soil my britches!” A familiar friendly voice called over from the door. “When Hiccup said he was working with Astrid Hofferson, I thought he was just trying to impress me.” A bulky young man, tattoos on his arms and dark hair in a ponytail, approached the group with a smile.

“Eret!” She greeted, “It’s been a long time.”

“What happened to you? I distinctly remembered you telling me you were going to kick the dust of this crummy town behind you. New York, baby! That’s where it’s at!”

“Well, life sometimes throws you curve balls. What about you? I thought you were going to the NFL. You were at U of M, right?”

“Like you said, curveballs.” He pulled the collar of his shirt down and showed a long scar on his chest. “Open heart surgery. One minute, I’m heading to the end zone and no one can touch me, the next I’m waking up in a hospital a week later. Apparently I had a heart aneurysm right in the middle of the game. I’m not allowed to play anymore.”

Astrid grimaced. “That sounds awful.”

“Not entirely. I had to change my career path though. I’m going into Wildlife and Fisheries.”

“Speaking of wildlife, where’s Toothless?”

Hiccup chuckled, “look up.”

A long black tail trailed over the edge of the roof, flicking pleasantly.

“Oh. Of course. Why does that not surprise me?”

Fishlegs and another girl approached the group. “What’s going on over here?”

“Just a class reunion,” Eret answered.

“Oh, Astrid, this is Heather, my cousin…sort of.”

“Sort of?”

The dark haired girl gave a short eye roll. “I’m married to his cousin.”

“Oh, I get it.” She chuckled, “I’m Astrid, we work together.”

Heather smiled, like she knew a great secret. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“So…” Fishlegs rubbed his hands together. “What are you guys doing the 16th?”

“What day is that?”

“It’s a Sunday.”

“Probably sleeping.” Astrid answered, to which everyone agreed.

“Well, I finally finished my campaign, and I’m just itching to try it out.”

“Sure.” Said Hiccup.

“I’m in.”

“Sounds fun.”

Astrid, on the other hand, was confused. “Campaign?”

“Dungeons and Dragons.” Heather clarified.

“Well,” Hiccup added, “we call it Dungeons and Dragons, but it’s like a watered down version.”

“It’s really fun.”

Astrid scoffed. “I thought only nerdy kids who live in their parents basement play that.”

Fishlegs looked embarrassed, “I do live in my parent’s basement.”

Stoick called over the crowd. “First round of hot dogs and hamburgers are ready!”

—

After dinner, the assembled group sat in camping chairs, enjoying the sunshine and the company. Toothless had finally humbled himself to come down from the roof and laid at Hiccup’s feet.

“Hiccup, every time I see that cat, I’m amazed.” A man said. “Even knowing the full story, I just think it’s so weird you have a pet panther. Weird in a good way, though. Don’t get me wrong.”

“Aye, you’re telling me.” Expounded Stoick. “The full first year we had him in the house, I carried a baseball bat with me everywhere. Never had to use it, or even felt like I would, but I confess I was a little terrified by him.”

“So was the mailman.” Hiccup added. “In Tanzania, he’d always fetch stuff for us, so it was natural that he’d see the UPS driver come by and go and greet him.” He chuckled. “We lost over a dozen packages like that.”

“What did you end up doing? Does he still do that?” Asked Astrid.

“No, a woman took over the route, and she loves Toothless.”

The conversation changed to politics, then to cars, then to a comfortable silence.

“Well,” began Gobber. “My burger finally finished digesting. I think it’s about that time.”

“Yeah?” Answered Stoick, standing up. “I think you’re right.”

“What’s happening?” Astrid whispered.

Hiccup smirked, “Do you drink?”

“I…yeah?”

“We’ve got some beer from Founders, apple ale, and cherry cider.”

“Uh, I’ll take the cherry…what’s going on?”

“We’re going to do the drinking song.” He said cryptically as he also stood.

Stoick returned to the deck with a fiddle in hand. Eret was getting out a guitar.

“You going to join us this year, boy-o?”

“I’ve been practicing, but I’m just going to play softly until I figure it out.”

Hiccup returned with two cherry ciders in one hand and a weird instrument in the other. It was small and had flat metal bars coming off of it.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a Mbira, a hand piano.”

“Oh.” That didn’t really answer her question.

It looked like everyone else gathered was grabbing something to drink.

Stoick played a few notes on the fiddle. “Hiccup, you’re doing the last verse this year. Okay?”

“Alright.” He leaned in closer to Astrid, “let it be know that this song is super racist. You have to be drunk to enjoy it.”

She smiled uneasily. “Okay…”

Stoick struck the first note and immediately the deck thundered with clapping and stomping.

“One and two and three and four,

and one and two and three and four.

And one and two and three and four,

and one and two and three and four.”

Everyone sang together at first, swinging there arms and slapping their legs. Then Stoick sang with a rich baritone.

“Love makes one blind until the fiddle breaks.

Old notes are played by a new hand,

It's a tough blow for any fiddler,

He’s trying his best, but is both scrawny and bland.

On the hunt for a beard and a mustache,

Should have brought a map for this quest.

Zero discoveries are made,

He’s trying his best, but he’s as bare as his chest.

He tries to propose, he’s finally brave,

His tongue is wet, but his money is dry.

He immediately gets the feeling,

That this something he shouldn’t try.”

Hiccup and Gobber joined in.

“She started to flirt with more handsome men.

So I traded away that cow

and got the fiddle back again.”

Then everyone, including the women, joined.  

“So now there will be no shortage of women and money.

because he traded away that cow,

and got the fiddle back again.”

Astrid found her self starting to clap along. The song was terrible, but very catchy.

“One and two and three and four,

and one and two and three and four.

And one and two and three and four,

and one and two and three and four.”

Gobber had the next verse.

“A bachelor like him has to keep his head,

he wants to win her over by singing her a song,

But nothing is going to happen,

is being poor so wrong?

So she slips away to the bathroom with a braver man.

One who walks around with his gold in plain sight.

Our fiddler was not interesting enough for her,

So he farts in her direction just out of spite.”

Hiccup and Stoick joined again.

“Because life is like a violin

with the need of a violinist

So I traded away that cow and got the fiddle back again.”

Astrid joined in on the chorus this time.

“So now there will be no shortage

of women and money.

because he traded away that cow,

and got the fiddle back again.”

Hiccup’s turn had come.

“Now he's both rich and handsome,

but even that doesn't seem to aid.

The fiddle has gotten a different sound,

a hardened heart is the price he paid.

This girl is different, of this he’s sure,

So he introduces her to his friend.

They go to speak for a moment,

Five minutes quickly turned to ten.

He sought them out with question,

But what met him behind the door,

made him want to cry out his eyes.

They were laying together on the floor.”

The group sang together.

“I saw her together with my best friend.

So I traded away that cow,

and got the fiddle back again.”

Everyone was singing loudly together.

“So now there will be no shortage

of women and money.

because he traded away that cow,

and got the fiddle back again.

One and two and three and four,

and one and two and three and four.

And one and two and three and four,

and one and two and three and four.

So now there will be no shortage

of women and money.

because he traded away that cow,

and got the fiddle back again.”

Astrid laughed after it was over. Really, it was a terrible song but the sheer volume of drunken rhapsody filled her with joy. “Do you guys do this every year?”

“Every year!” Hiccup laughed back.

Astrid looked over to her father who was clapping. Her heart clenched at the sight of him moving fluidly. Even if it was a little. She vowed to bring him to more events if possible.

—

Sunset came, and Axel and the adults stayed behind as the kids and Toothless walked down the road to the lake. There, they boarded Eret’s boat and jetted out on the lake. Not without lighting a post on the dock first.

There’s something about the lake that just soothed the soul. When you’re speeding through the waves, you can’t hear anything but the deafening wind thundering against your ears. The air around you feels like water parting around you. Each wave the boat cut through, sends a jolt through your body and a pounding in your head.

Then finally, they stopped about a half mile out from the beach. The light house was just a sliver in the distance.

“Are we going to be able to see the fireworks from this far away?”

“Yeah, totally. They’re huge.”

Toothless hopped up on the back of the boat and stretched out lazily.

“Watching the fireworks has become way more enjoyable since I joined you guys out here.” Heather commented from the front. “Scott and I used to go down to Silver Beach and watch there. I mean, it was incredible. But we would get home at like, 3am because they closed traffic down town and you had to detour around the whole city.”

“Your husband’s name is Scott?”

“Yeah, Scott Jorgenson.”

“Oh, my boyfriend’s name is Scott too. Scott Loud.”

“Oh too funny!”

Everyone fell into a peaceful silence as they watched the sunset on the lake. Everything blossoming into purples and reds.

“My dad and I would go down to the pier on the north side. There’s little cement wave breakers cut into the pier that you can climb into. We’d sit in the one directly across from the symphony pavilion. Right in the middle of the 1812 Overture, they’d start shooting off the fireworks. Then after, they play the Star Wars theme. We’d eat cherries and spit the pits at ducks. And we’d wave to all the boats going out to the lake.” Then she ‘hmph’ed. “It did take forever to get out though, since everyone and their mother tried to leave that way.”

“If it makes you guys feel any better,” Hiccup began, laying down next to Toothless. “I didn’t see my first firework until I was 5. I was on the back deck of my house and I thought the lighthouse had blown up. It was very scary.”

“Aw, I love baby Hiccup stories.” Heather smiled.

“So…where’s your husband, Heather?” Astrid asked, politely.

Hiccup answered. “He and I don’t get along, but Heather and I have been friends for a while.”

“He had to work,” Heather added. “But even if he didn’t, I doubt he would have come.”

“Well, his loss.” Fishlegs commented.

The sun had disappeared over the horizon. But it’s light remained.

“In truth, it’s been a while since I got to see the fireworks. I always worked downtown, and Fourth of July is one of the busiest times down there. So, I’m kind of excited.”

“Come sit up here with me!” Hiccup beckoned.

Astrid laid down on the back, separated from him by Toothless.

“Thanks for inviting us, Hiccup. Today was…really great.”

“Yeah? Thanks for coming.”

“It’s been a while since I saw my dad so active. It was nice. I had a lot of fun.”

“Well, you’re welcome here anytime.”

“Thanks.”

And with that, the first firework launched.