#every year I tell my family 'can we just fucking skip presents this year??'

[redrobin-detective]

I hate the commercialization of Christmas centered around present giving, that I am socially forced to buy things for both people I love and people I want to choke on a starburst. I hate the forced, fake cheer around as people pretend they’re being good and charitable by buying overly priced junk just to tick off a box on their to do list. I hate that most of the time, people are too stressed by having to buy so many people gifts that often they just buy whatever just to have something to wrap which the receiver doesn’t even want resulting in a circle jerk of stress for everyone involved with no net gain.

[fumblingmusings]

This isn't a hate anon please don't think that I do like your work, but can I ask why you make Alice so sexless? Like I get the whole lady insane country aspect and In my own hc I have I image she has been very traumatised in that aspect but still the same goes for Arthur and the guys obsessed with sex so why not the same with Alice? If we say Arthur is obsessed with sex and kink and porn etc (and he is in canon, the guys a total freak). Why do we never say the same about Alice? Cause like she she would love sex your British you should know how much people here love sex we literally have a scandals every few weeks about some politicians sordid sex secret being outed and a long history of dogging in every single car park in this horrible wretch of a country. Again this sounds like hate it's not I'm just curious to why people don't like Alice getting her back blown out regularly (she's not even that old either yeah she's like 3000s but psychically she's one of the youngest 21-23, China fucks and he's twice her age)

Minors dni please.

For the absolutely very simple reason that I am personally not comfortable writing about it! I embarrass myself. That's literally it. T_T It's genuinely not much deeper than that. And that's not a judgement on people who do or people who write their characters with it, lord knows I enjoy reading myself, I'm just not very good at writing it.

Besides, I'm certainly not anywhere near saying 'this is canon'! I'm just playing with the toys in the sandbox same as everyone else, telling a version of a story which is no more true than any other.

It's just the way I've decided to focus the story on her familial relationships and I don't have room for everything. Chapters skips decades at a time and years within that. Lord knows how long that fic is gonna be when it wraps up, there are other things on her mind aside from who's she fucking or in love with. My focus is on politics because weirdly I'm more comfortable writing about it.

Maybe I'm projecting there a bit too much but... that's really just the way I've written her. There's nothing to say she can't get up to more fun or wild stuff in more modern day, when she feels a lot freer and safer to explore that side... or maybe the fact that in the fic nearly everything she says and thinks about is a distortion of the reality in front of her (the fic is tagged unreliable narrator for a reason after all) and that it could be sign that she is presenting a version of herself to her brothers, children, and potential partners and you can't trust a thing that comes out her mouth or even her own thoughts...

But really it's my butt at my laptop turning bright red every time I try to write the stuff. Genuinely.

I'm absolutely fine and dandy and good and grand for the girl to be eaten out four times in a night by Japan or her and France to have an fwb sort of situation going on involving pegging or something that was more serious and long term with Port or angry hate sex with Denmark which left them covered in blood at the monastery altar... I just won't be the one writing it. I will be reading it though... if anyone wants... I also think it's just as valid for her to genuinely be on the aroace spectrum, to be traumatised and have a negative relationship with sex, or to just have a low libido. I think it's all fine. I've just gone for one version, the version I am most comfortable writing on. I hope that is okay.

[storytimewithnova]

EUPHORIA IMPROVED

Everyone was gathered for a sleepover at Sho and Noya's house, and they were excited to watch a movie. Kita grabbed a random DVD, unaware of its contents, and they all settled down to watch it.

But before we jump into the story, let me take you back to where it all began for Sho. You see, Sho's life wasn't always sunshine and rainbows. There was a facade of happiness that concealed the struggles and challenges that Sho faced. Let's dive into Sho's backstory.

Sho: "You did this to me!" Sho exclaimed, filled with frustration.

Narrator Sho: Hold on, let's not skip ahead just yet. Allow me to paint a picture of my journey, one that might change your perception of me, for better or worse. You may have thought I was all smiles and happiness, but the truth is far from that. So, let's begin.

Sho: I was born just three days after the tragic events of 9/11.

Narrator Sho: I know what you're thinking. How could a Japanese family witness 9/11 on the news? Well, here's the twist: I wasn't born in Japan but in Washington, D.C., the very place where 9/11 unfolded. Talk about irony.

As the movie played in the background, Sho continued sharing their story.

Sho: My parents spent two days in the hospital with me, gazing at the television screen, watching the towers fall repeatedly. The grief eventually turned into numbness.

Narrator Sho: But why am I telling you this? You see, my family used to be just like any other happy, normal family. I was a content child. But life has a way of changing people, and that includes me. Watch closely.

Sho: And then, without warning, my middle-class childhood in an American suburb...

Child Sho: 13, 14, 15, 16...

Mrs. Hinata: Sho, what are you looking at?

Child Sho: 1, 2, 3...

Mrs. Hinata: What are you doing, Sho?

Child Sho: *cries*

Narrator Sho: That's when my life started spiraling downward. My parents took me to countless doctors, searching for answers. They tried to understand what was going on inside my head.

One particular doctor had a long list of possible diagnoses for me.

Bitch Doctor: I believe she is suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, general anxiety disorder, and possibly even bipolar disorder, though she's a little young to be certain.

Narrator Sho: This doctor seemed determined to label me with every condition under the sun. It got to the point where my father couldn't cope with someone like me, and he left our family, leaving my mother with two kids and a mountain of debt. Truly, the father of the year.

As the others listened to Sho's story, they were shocked. Their image of Sho, the bright and cheerful individual, was shattered.

Sho: So, can someone explain all of this to me?

Mrs. Hinata: Honey, it's just the way your brain is wired. Many great, funny, intelligent, interesting, and creative people have struggled with similar challenges.

Narrator Sho: Really, Mom? Are you trying to sugarcoat it? I would've preferred if you were just honest and said that I'm "mental" or that I'm the reason for your divorce. But fine, let's play along with the sugarcoating.

Sho: Like who?

Mrs. Hinata: Well, there's Vincent van Gogh, Sylvia Plath, and even your Britney Spears

Narrator Sho: As the years went by, there are moments that I don't remember clearly, like a blur between the ages of 8 and 12. The world seemed to move too fast for my liking, while I moved slow. Sometimes, if I focused too closely on my breathing, it felt like I was on the brink of suffocation.

Suddenly, Sho collapsed to the floor, gasping for air. When she regained consciousness, she found herself surrounded by concerned friends and family, breathing into a bag.

Sho: "I'm taught every second of every day, constantly trying to outrun my anxiety," she explained.

Mrs. Hinata: Worriedly, she asked, "What's wrong, sweetie?"

Narrator Sho: "To be honest, I'm just fucking exhausted," Sho replied, her exhaustion evident in her voice.

In the present, Sho was shown taking tablets from her bedside table. She spent time with her father, seeking solace and understanding.

Sho: Curiously, she asked, "What do these pills feel like?"

Mr. Hinata: With a heavy sigh, he replied, "The absolute worst."

Narrator Sho: I used to take care of my dad after school. But that changed when he passed away. So, I guess you're watching a flashback. My mom agreed to take a second job to cover the bills, and we had a state-issued nurse who came to help for a couple of hours. Though, if you consider playing Candy Crush on her phone as helping, then she did a fantastic job. But here's the thing, it was during that time that my dad had a bunch of pills, and that's when my troubles began. Have you caught on yet?

The scene shifted to Sho taking a pill from one of the bottles and putting it in her mouth. It showed her at home, repeatedly taking pills. The scene then transitioned to Sho engaging in reckless behavior, such as using drugs, partying, drinking, and smoking. Finally, it cut to Noya going to Sho's room and hearing her struggling.

Noya: "Sho, Sho!" Noya called out, alarmed.

Noya opened the door and found Sho unconscious on the floor. Overwhelmed with concern, he started crying, unsure of what to do.

(To be continued)Narrator Sho: My baby brother found me, exposing the real me to those who didn't know the facade of sunshine and rainbows. Instead, they saw a broken person, lying in a hospital, crying her eyes out.

Sho: I spent a good portion of the summer before my second year of high school in rehab.

Narrator Sho: Listen to these assholes preaching to God. Let's be fucking honest, are any of us really going to stay clean? We're just here to appease our parents, gain some brownie points, and get back in their good graces. Do we have any intentions of staying clean? Probably not. Me? Most definitely not. I'm too far gone. But let's play the role of the good girl who has changed her ways. Upside down, I'm out of that bible-bashing hellhole.

Noya: Sho!

Sho: Noya, come here.

Noya: Hey.

Sho: Hi, how are you?

Noya: Good.

Sho: I missed you.

Noya: Missed you too, sis.

Sho: Shit, are you growing?

Noya: No.

Their mom stood and watched them, observing the connection between the siblings.

Sho: Hey.

Narrator Sho: Staging an intervention seemed like a brilliant idea for everyone involved, except for me. As they confronted me, I hurriedly searched for something in my bathroom. Frustrated by not finding it, I exited the bathroom and froze on the stairs, realizing that everyone was waiting for me.

Sho: Oh, fuck. I'm never fucking ready for this.

Mrs. Hinata: We just want to make you feel good, Sho. Living like this, lying to the people you love, being mean to the people you love... It can't make you feel good about yourself.

Sho: I don't care. Just fucking leave me alone, please.

Mrs. Hinata: I know you're in pain.

Sho: You have no fucking idea, Mom.

Mrs. Hinata: Let's get back into the car and let me take you to the hospital.

Sho: I can't get clean, Mom. I can't do that shit.

Narrator Sho: As you can see, they thought it was a fucking excellent idea to stage an intervention, hoping I would listen. Clearly, I felt I had more pressing matters at hand. And seriously, did they really think a drug intervention was the right move, Kenma?

Kenma: You don't have to do it all at once, just take it one day at a time.

Everyone agrees, showing their support.

Sho: Hey, Ken, I have a quick question for you.

Kenma: What?

Sho: Are you fucking Kuroo Tetsuro?

Kenma: (laughs) What are you talking about?

Sho: How long have you been fucking Kuroo?

Kenma: I'm not, I'm not.

Oikawa: What are you talking about?

Sho: Oh, I just... I saw him getting into his truck and then they kissed in the truck and drove off. That was like, what, a month ago?

Kenma: Ah...

Oikawa: Are you kidding me?

Atsumi: Ken, that's really bad.

Oikawa: You're fucking Kuroo, are you kidding me?

Kenma: No, I'm... (laughs) I don't even know why she would say that.

Oikawa: You're lying.

Kawa's mom: Can we just table this conversation?

Oikawa: No! You expect me to stand here next to my best friend, who's been lying to me about fucking my ex-boyfriend? I am literally going to get violent.

Kawa's mom: There's no need to get violent. We are having an intervention here.

Narrator Sho: Clearly, I stuck my foot in it again. I revealed Kenma's dirty little secret. I'm sorry, best friend, but I'm not going to hide for you. And clearly, I also know you're in the wrong. Yes, I'm an addict, but I'm not a whore. Let's get our priorities straight here. And you know, we've always had this deal never to fuck our best friends' boyfriends or ex-boyfriends, as the case may be.

Mrs. Hinata: Will you two stop it, please? I'm begging you. Let's just get into the car.

Sho: I can't.

Kenma: Let's just talk.

Oikawa: Oh, you're crying. You're fucking crying.

Kawa's mom: Tori...

Oikawa continued her rant, unable to control her anger.

Oikawa: You're not the one that's fucking hurt. You're the most self-centered, idiotic person I’ve ever Fucking met You fucked my ex-boyfriend And you’re fucking crying are you fucking kidding me right now

Narrator Sho: The situation in the room escalated quickly, with everyone talking over each other. Atsumi tried to intervene, suggesting that they deal with it later, but Mrs. Hinata had had enough.

Mrs. Hinata: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I don't give a shit about who's fucking who. If you're going to keep talking about it, you can just get out of this room.

Kawa's mom: Absolutely! You're all behaving like animals.

Amidst the chaos, Kenma defended himself, questioning why they would believe Sho, who was a drug addict. Oikawa, consumed by anger and hurt, demanded the truth from Kenma.

Oikawa: How long have you been fucking him? Please be honest!

Atsumi: Kawa, we can do this later.

Oikawa: Atsu, shut the fuck up! How long have you been fucking him, Sho?

Narrator Sho: Here I was, hoping I could become invisible. No, scratch that. I really wished I hadn't said anything. Now that the stupid intervention was over, I retreated back to my room. Fucking hell, why did I always get caught up in these situations? This is what Tori is like.

Mrs. Hinata tried to calm the situation, urging Sho to listen and suggesting they get into the car. Oikawa couldn't let it go, pressing for more details.

Oikawa: When was this?

Sho: Right after New Year's.

Oikawa: You dumb fucking bitch! I'm gonna fuck you up!

Kawa's mom: No!

Oikawa: Don't run away from me, you stupid whore!

Narrator Sho: The fight continued, and I decided it was best to leave while I had the chance. So, I made a quick decision. After that shitshow, I had a couple of options. I could go to Suna and score some drugs, or I could go to Semi. I chose Semi.

Narrator Sho: I had just returned home, and it was around 4-5 am. I expected everyone to be asleep, especially my mom. Truth be told, I was hoping to avoid the third-degree questioning, but luck wasn't on my side.

Mrs. Hinata: Where have you been?

Sho: I'm sorry, my phone died.

Mrs. Hinata: Bullshit! You're doing drugs!

Narrator Sho: Oh my God, this woman is insufferable. She just assumes everything. What does she want me to tell her? "Oh, sorry, Mom, I'm with my potential girlfriend. Can you kindly get off my fucking case?"

Sho: I'm not doing drugs.

Mrs. Hinata: Then where have you been? Why weren't you answering your phone? And why are you sneaking into the house at five in the morning?

Narrator Sho: Oh my God, can she let it go? Does she really want me to come out and say, "Hi, Mom, I am potentially bisexual. I could be a lesbian. I'm still trying to work that out, you know? I'll get back to you."

Sho: I was with someone.

Mrs. Hinata: Who?

Sho: It doesn't matter, Mom.

Mrs. Hinata: Oh, it matters, Sho. It matters. You're doing drugs, Noya, go back to sleep.

Noya: Sis, are you okay?

Sho: Yeah, Nishi, you can go back to sleep.

Mrs. Hinata: She's okay, baby. Go back to bed. Good night. I will not allow you to walk up into this house at 5:30 in the morning and lie to my face. So tell me the truth right now. Where were you?

Sho: Mom, I don't want to tell you everything that's going on in my life. If you want to drug test me, just drug test me.

Mrs. Hinata does just that, and it comes back negative.

Narrator Sho: Let's be real, she wasn't the only person upset with me.

[Scene changes to Sho and Semi lying together]

Semi: I'm not kidding, Sho. I'm not going to become best friends with someone who's trying to kill themselves.

Sho: I know.

Semi: I have enough traumatic shit going on in my life that I can't handle.

Sho: I get it.

Semi: I don't want to be around if you don't stop using drugs.

Sho: Okay.

Semi: I mean it, Shoyo.

Sho: I know. I'll stop. I'll get any help I need. I promise. I just need you to give me a chance.

Mrs. Hinata: You're still grounded until... I don't even fucking know what else.

Sho: I told you I wasn't lying.

Narrator Sho: So, I decided to stay clean. I have been for a while. I wasn't going to break my promise. I wanted to stay with Eita. You see, the first time I met her, I fell head over heels. When she heard that I kept my promise, this happened.

[Scene changes to the school hallway]

Narrator Sho: It was the first day of school after New Year, and I finally had everything I ever wished for. I ran straight to Semi and kissed her.

Sho: You know, you're like a dream.

Semi: [laughs] I didn't know you were such a romantic, Sho.

Narrator Sho: We kissed again. That's how I got my girlfriend. I stayed sober for her, not just because I wanted to. God knows how many times I've been tempted to run to Suna, but I know he has cut me off.

Narrator Sho: And so, as I look back on my journey, I realize that the ending of this story is not an ending at all, but a beginning. A beginning filled with hope, strength, and a newfound sense of purpose.

I continue to inspire and help others on their own paths to recovery, sharing my story and offering guidance. The love and support that I received from Semi and my support system have taught me the importance of compassion and empathy. I have become a beacon of light for those who are lost in the darkness of addiction, showing them that recovery is possible.

But my journey doesn't end there. With Semi by my side, we embark on new adventures, embracing life to the fullest. We travel the world, experiencing its wonders and sharing our love and resilience with others. We find joy in simple moments, cherishing the beauty of each day.

Together, we create a legacy of love, compassion, and perseverance. We touch the lives of many, leaving a lasting impact on those who cross our paths. And through it all, we never forget the battles we have fought and the strength we have gained.

As time goes on, I continue to stay sober, not just for myself, but for the love and happiness that surrounds me. I cherish every moment, knowing that I have overcome the darkness and emerged stronger than ever.

And as the years pass, I see the ripple effect of my journey. I witness the lives I have touched, the lives that have been transformed because of the hope and inspiration I have shared. It fills my heart with immense joy and gratitude.

In the end, this story is not just about me. It's about the power of love, resilience, and the belief in the human spirit. It's about the strength we find within ourselves and the support we receive from those who love us.

So, as the sun sets on another beautiful day, I am filled with a profound sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the love of Semi, the unwavering support of my friends and family, and the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others.

And I know that as long as I stay true to my journey, keep sharing my story, and continue to spread love, the ending of this story will forever be a source of inspiration and hope for those who need it most.

For addiction may have once consumed my life, but love and resilience have become my guiding stars, leading me towards a future filled with endless possibilities. And with Semi's hand in mine, I am ready to embrace whatever comes next, knowing that together, we can conquer anything.

Narrator Sho: As the video cuts out, everyone in the room looks at me. Some were crying, others were unsure of how to react. But one person, Semi, walks up to me and embraces me in a hug. She looks into my eyes, her own filled with a mixture of relief, love, and understanding.

Semi: Sho, I'm so proud of you. You have no idea how much this means to me. I've seen the struggle you've been going through, and I've been scared for you. But seeing your determination to stay sober, it fills my heart with hope and happiness.

I couldn't help but smile through my tears, feeling the warmth of Semi's embrace. She understood the battles I faced, and she stood by my side, offering her unwavering support.

Sho: Semi, you've been my rock through all of this. Your love and faith in me have given me the strength to keep fighting. I stayed sober not just for myself, but for us, for our future together.

Semi leans in and kisses me, a tender and passionate kiss that speaks volumes of her love and commitment.

Semi: Sho, I believe in you. And I promise to be here every step of the way, supporting you and encouraging you. We'll face any challenges together, and we'll make sure that your journey to sobriety is a successful one.

As the room starts to settle down, others begin to understand the significance of what just transpired. Some approach us, offering words of encouragement and support, while others simply nod in acknowledgment. It's a powerful moment of unity and understanding.

Narrator Sho: From that day forward, I knew I had a strong support system in Semi and the others around me. They became my pillars of strength, helping me navigate through the ups and downs of my journey to sobriety.

It wasn't always easy, and there were moments of doubt and temptation along the way. But every time I felt weak, I remembered the love and trust that Semi had shown me. She believed in me when I struggled to believe in myself.

Together, we faced the challenges head-on, seeking professional help and finding healthy coping mechanisms. And slowly but surely, my life began to change for the better.

The path to recovery wasn't linear, and there were setbacks and hurdles to overcome. But with the love and support of Semi and my newfound support system, I learned to pick myself up and keep moving forward.

Narrator Sho: Years have passed since that day, and I can proudly say that I have remained sober. It hasn't been easy, but the journey has been worth it. I am now a mentor to others who are battling their own addictions, using my experience and story to inspire and guide them.

And through it all, Semi has been my constant source of love and support. She stood by me when things got tough, and she celebrated my victories with me. We have built a strong and resilient relationship, one that is founded on trust, understanding, and unconditional love.

As I reflect on my journey, I am grateful for every person who believed in me, even when I struggled to believe in myself. And I am especially grateful for Semi, who saw the potential in me and helped me become the person I am today.

Narrator Sho: The promise I made to myself that night, to stay clean and live a fulfilling life, has become my reality. And I owe it all to the unwavering support and love of those around me.

And as I continue on this journey of recovery and self-discovery, I am reminded of the power of love and the strength that lies within us all. No matter how dark the road may seem, there is always hope for a brighter tomorrow.

[jisungparker]

My imagination's running wild

pairing: hwang hyunjin x fem!reader

song: alicia keys - you don’t know my name

themes: fluff, 2k

snippet: “Oh, don’t worry about me. I’m sure I will.” You confess, watching his lips part slightly as you hold his gaze, a short, shaky breath leaving him when you add- “And I’ll make sure you will too.”

warnings: none, just cute awkward clumsy introductions to felix and jisung teehehehee

a/n: ……….. ARE YOU HAPPY? BECAUSE I AM! I wouldn’t say this is great but it’s a development and I am happy with that. ENJOY!

You’re nervous for three reasons.

The first being that you have an essay due at midnight and instead of working on it all day, you have to spend all day working a shift at the diner because of reason number two - it’s your last day. Something which should be cause for celebration, but can’t really be, because of reason number three - it’s Wednesday.

The day begins normal enough, or at least, as normal you expect your last day of work to begin.

Felix has pancake batter on his nose and cheeks, a melancholic look in his eye as he presents you with your last day batch of pancakes. When you handed in your notice two weeks ago, he was beyond excited for you, something you had kind of expected before the reality began to settle in: you would be leaving him alone with Jisung. Jisung, who tried to ignore you all day for it, whining about your lack of loyalty, about how there’s no better place in the world to work but here.

‘How can we be the dynamic diner duo, when one of us isn’t being dynamic in the diner?’

You just blinked at him before walking off with an order, rolling your eyes as he swore he would never speak to you again. It barely lasted the morning rush.

It wasn’t long before the onslaught of questions began. Some in sweet concern, ‘What will you do now?’, ‘How will you survive?’. The others in provocation, ‘What will you do now that you’ve killed me?’, ‘How will you survive without me?’. And as playful and harmless as they were, they did birth something deep inside you. This fear, this uncertainty, this insecurity.

You hadn’t seen Hyunjin since that night at your apartment two weeks ago. After a year of serving him every Wednesday just after the lunchtime rush died down, you went from relying on the one sided routine to radio silence. And as you walked in everyday of your last week to see a ‘Help Wanted’ sign mocking you in the window of your only real form of financial security, you’ve come to dread this day more than any early morning shift this past year.

“Hey!” The yell cuts off your brooding, Jisung’s round then squinting eyes glaring at you as he straightens out his morning paper in the grimey alley behind the diner. You’d just finished the lunchtime rush, your back already aching as you sit hunched over on the rusty, upturned garbage can opposite him. “I’m trying to help you.”

“Sorry, go on.” You mumble, digging the heels of your palms into your eyes, finding comfort in the speckle of stars before he continues.

“How about this? ‘Help Wanted: Family of four looking for an experienced House Manager to oversee the daily household maintenance and management of their-’ blah blah blah, where’s the money at- ‘starting at sixty thousand per year.’”

“What does a house manager do?” You ask, frowninging when he shrugs.

“Fuck knows, but let me tell you,” Jisung says, tearing the listing out of the newspaper before flipping it to the next page. “For that kind of money, I’d do anything.”

“Anything?”

“Yes! I mean how hard is it to manage a house. It’s a house. I’d be great at it!”

“I’m sure you would be,” you lie before snatching the newspaper out of his hands, searching for the obituaries, grinning when the back door swings open. “Lix, what’s a house manager?”

“Uh..” he skips down the steps and stands beside Jisung, eyeing the torn out job add before pointing at the description Jisung clearly missed. “They do the shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands, bills-” you all shudder at the last word. “Why, you considering it?”

“No,” Jisung whines, pouting up at Felix. “I am.”

“We have a year on our lease, Ji.”

“So?”

“It says you have to move in.” Felix points out, laughing when Jisung waves it off.

“No worries, I’ll just bring you with me! I’ll say you’re my cat.”

“Okay, good luck with that,” Felix grins, squeezing Jisung’s shoulder apologetically- “By the way, you’re up mate.”

“What? We’ve only been out here like ten minutes-”

“No,” you correct, standing and letting Felix have your seat when Jisung just offers him his lap. “I’ve been out here ten minutes, you’ve been out here for thirty.”

“And your point is? We’re meant to get an hour for lunch!” Jisung whines, eyes nearly bulging. “I love your parents Lix but I swear, I’m gonna call the union.”

“We don’t have a union-” Felix’s reminder is cut off when the door slams shut as you drag Jisung inside with you, his feet dragging as you trudge back into the restaurant.

It’s near enough empty in the diner, bar the elderly couple sipping their free refillable coffees as they people watch by the windows, and the sleep deprived students huddled in the low booths in the back. It’s moments like this where you see that your job isn’t all bad.

It’s times like this where you remember the owners, Felix’s working class family who took you both in with little to no experience. They even offered the now grocery delivery boy Jeongin a place to work when they caught him poaching half of your free employee lunches every other shift.

It was sad, handing in your notice, watching them swell in excitement for you as you quickly put your change in circumstances down to a university grant scheme. They didn’t pry, they even asked you whether Jeongin would reconsider replacing you. You said you’d ask, even though you knew full well he would eat his own arm off before working with Jisung near enough full time.

You love it though.

Jisung’s work smart not hard ethic, Felix’s approach everything with a smile ethic, and the family run diner that drew in the diner’s regulars. The elderly couple sat beneath the diner’s only electric heater, the small group of overworked students in the corner. Even the generous tipping billionaire’s son who came in once a week on a good week, twice on a bad one.

You’d miss this place.

What you wouldn’t miss is the ache in your spine, the soreness in the arch of your feet and throb in the back of your head every time you hear the bell on the diner’s door ring.

“Rock, paper, scissors?” You ask Jisung, ignoring the door completely as you lean over the counter, holding your fist out to him. He shrugs with a yawn before turning his head towards the sound, double taking before he smirks, nodding firmly and holding his hand out. “What?”

“Nothing.” It’s teasing, Jisung’s voice floating over the diner’s bartop. “It’s just.. are you sure you don’t want this table?”

“I promise you, I don’t.”

“Okay.” He relents, bouncing his fist trice on his open palm before holding his hand out flat, yours holding a deuce. “Oh no, I lost.”

“Enjoy.”

“Oh, I will.” He says, tightening his apron before smirking, forgoing a menu and coffee pot combo before prancing away. You roll your eyes before you pull out your phone, scrolling for a few measly seconds before you hear Jisung’s oddly cheerful greeting- “Afternoon! Welcome to Lee’s Diner, what can I get you?”

“Uh- good afternoon. Can I just get the special.. with the hot chocolate?”

You know that voice.

You know that order.

When you look up, you see it: a starched white shirt, perfectly tousled black hair and a pout you couldn’t miss.

Well you could. In fact, you have.

“Ji, I’ll take this one.” You say without thinking. You actually arrived without thinking, your feet carrying you across the black and white tiled floor in a few short seconds. Jisung doesn’t argue with you and instead promises to return with Hyunjin’s hot chocolate. When he skips away, you just stand there, staring down at Hyunjin awkwardly for a few seconds, watching his mouth open and close a few times before he gestures to the seat in the booth in front of him. When you sit, you inhale before saying- “Hi.”

“Hi.” It’s quiet again, bar the sounds coming from the bar. You feel Jisung’s eyes on your back. You feel a bit bad for Hyunjin. You know the hot chocolate will suck. Not because Jisung is distracted, but just because he can’t make anything for shit. “You look nice.”

“Uh- thanks.” You laugh, rubbing your palms down the front of your mint green apron, watching the corners of his mouth upturn. “So do you.”

“I do?” He asks dumbly, eyeing his crisp shirt and steamed pants. “Thanks.”

“Where’ve you been?” You ask suddenly, eyes dropping to his throat as he swallows. “Thought something might have happened to you.”

“What?” He frowns, shaking his head slightly. “I-I just thought.. I thought you would want time to think.”

“About?”

“Uh-” He stops then, looking around the empty diner before leaning forward, whispering- “What we talked about.”

“I already said yes.”

“I-I know,” he nods, smiling plainly now, his shoulders slumping ever so slightly. “Just wanted to give you time is all.”

“Right..” you nod, stopping when Jisung returns to hand him his hot chocolate and let him know the ‘kitchen’ was working on his special. When he leaves, slowly by the sounds of his retreating footsteps, you add lowly- “Just thought maybe you changed your mind-”

“What? No! I haven’t!” Hyunjin rushes, eyes wide as he shakes his head. “Have you?”

“No.” You admit, offering him a reassuring smile. “Today’s my last day actually.”

“I know-” he starts, an embarrassed laugh stopping him. “I mean, I thought so.. I hoped so.”

“Right.” You smirk, leaning back in the closed off booth. “Why’s that?”

“Uh..” he chews his lip for a second, reaching for his hot chocolate to take a sip before changing his mind, placing his hands on his knees. “I just- I wanted to know if you wanted to get dinner with me? Tonight, I mean?”

“Tonight?” The hope in his eyes makes you want to scream. Especially when you say- “I can’t.”

“Oh.” He sighs, nodding and smiling anyway.

“I’m sorry. I have an assignment due at midnight, and my shift doesn’t end for a few more hours-”

“You don’t have to explain,” he says patiently, smiling through his embarrassment.

“No,” you say firmly, watching his eyes find yours again. “Hyunjin, I think if we’re gonna do this, we should at least be transparent, you know?”

“Transparent?”

“Yeah,” you nod, shrugging. “I mean, I don’t really have anything to hide. If I didn’t want to see you tonight, I would have just said.”

“Oh, I see.”

“And-” you add, biting your lip before finishing- “I’d expect that to be okay.”

He looks at you for a second before grinning, nodding. “That would be more than okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” Finally sipping his hot chocolate, he frowns ever so slightly. Jisung definitely didn’t make it like you did. Hyunjin hides it well though as he looks back up, looking you in the eye properly for the first time since you sat down, licking the light froth from his top lip. “I would expect- I mean, I would want nothing less than for you to be honest with me. About everything. How you’re feeling, how you- how you want things to go.”

“How I want things to go?” You question, tilting your head slightly.

“Yes,” he nods, taking another sip. “It’s about both of us.”

Us.

“Both of us, you say?” You smirk. “That’s very sweet of you.”

“It’s called being a friend.” He reminds shyly, fiddling with his pinky ring, the embossed H gleaming in the diner’s dingy light. “I’d want you to enjoy it too.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me. I’m sure I will.” You confess, watching his lips part slightly as you hold his gaze, a short, shaky breath leaving him when you add- “And I’ll make sure you will too.”

“I- uh-”

“One special?” You look down with a smile as Hyunjin flushes, the nosey chef arriving with a steaming plate of food. You glance over your shoulder to find Jisung grumbling as he cleans down the bar, probably over losing his second game of rock, paper, scissors in the space of a few minutes. When you look back, you see Hyunjin looking between you and Felix, the latter just hovering with a huge smile at the side of the table. “This a friend of yours, Y/N?”

Friends. You and Hyunjin are friends.

“Yeah,” you smile, watching Hyunjin smile too. “This is my friend, Hyunjin.”

[titan-fodder]

You’ll Change Your Mind [Reiner Braun x Reader]

Rating: M (mature)

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Reader

Word Count: ~2.5k

Tags/Warnings: fem!reader, hurt/comfort, pregnancy talk, family pressures, mentions of mental health issues, mention of reader being epileptic

A/N: this is a soft and quite personal little thing I couldn’t get out of my head cause I’ve been feeling a little isolated after a conversation with new coworkers and also friends having babies/baby fever and straight up not relating eesh~

You’re quiet on the ride home, staring out the window at the passing cars and barely even blinking. Typically, you skip at least five songs during any trip, always searching for the right one, but currently you don’t seem to care, so Reiner knows you’re upset. 

He also knows exactly why.

“Baby–”

“I’m fine,” you cut him off, but your voice is nothing more than a murmur. 

He knows not to press the issue. You’re processing, gathering your thoughts, and Reiner has a feeling you’ll let him know everything on your mind sooner rather than later, probably with cracking words and tearful eyes. 

He doesn’t understand why his mom can’t drop the fucking subject. She’s gotten a little better at keeping her mouth shut, but every once in a while, she just can’t help herself.

“Well, when you two have a baby…”

“I saw the cutest little boy, and I couldn’t help but think of you.”

“You’ll make such good parents.”

And, when you both respond the same way– “We don’t want kids,” Reiner’s mother just gives you—as in you specifically—that patronizing look and tells you, “It’s different when it’s your own,” or, even worse, “You’ll change your mind one day.”

It is infuriating. Reiner tries to mediate, reminds his mom about the validity of not wanting children, but she just doesn’t get it. 

She may not be outright shaming either of you, but there is definitely manipulation present, and every time she does this, Reiner watches the way you try to laugh it off, try to smile and be polite, try to hide your genuine remorse for disappointing her. 

The first thing you tell him when you get back to the house is, “I’m gonna hop in the shower,” which is code for I’m gonna go cry it out. Before you can get away from him, though, Reiner takes your hand and pulls you close, giving you a short but meaningful kiss then releasing you to your own devices. 

For a few seconds, he just stands there at the threshold, sighing and massaging his forehead, then when he hears the shower turn on, he plops himself down on the couch, grabs one of the throw pillows, and uses it to muffle his loud groan of frustration. 

You’re letting this eat you alive, and knowing that is eating him alive. 

When Reiner was young and would think about his future, he usually saw a child in the mix, but the older he got, the more he realized he only envisioned that because it was what society expected of couples. He watched the world begin to crumble, witnessed hate and tragedy every day, and when he met you and you told him you weren’t interested in having kids, he found that he was relieved—like he was able to let out a breath he’d been holding for years. 

Truthfully, he has no fucking place raising a kid–can’t imagine the type of issues he’d pass on. His family’s medical history is no joke, and Reiner isn’t the most stable either. The fact that you put up with him is still hard to believe even after years of dating and a few months of marriage, but you’re an adult. You can understand him better than he can understand himself most of the time.

A kid, though? A kid won’t be able to grasp why daddy is pacing back and forth in the hallway with his hands on his head, won’t recognize his “low-power” days for what they are, where all he can do is lay in bed and hope tomorrow is better. A kid won’t understand the pills or the appointments. A kid won’t understand that the ‘no guns in the house’ rule isn’t entirely for their safety but for Reiner’s. 

And, those are just his issues. You have them too. Fuck, Reiner loves you, but you… you are just as neurotic as he is. You rip your hair out and bite your nails until they bleed. You check the doors throughout the day and night, every electrical outlet, every knob on the stove, and then you check them again. You cuddle blankets, plushies, and Reiner, and you rock yourself back and forth on the couch or in bed. 

How are the two of you supposed to take care of a child when you struggle to take care of yourselves?

It’s hard to explain all of that to your parents, though, hard to show them how difficult it gets sometimes, and you thought you had an ace up your sleeve with the whole epilepsy thing—it’s what made reality come crashing down on your mother at least—but Reiner’s still doesn’t seem to understand the severity of the situation.

“It would be dangerous. For her and a baby. She’d have to come off her medicine–”

“Honey, there are other medications that could help. There are plenty of women with disorders who still get pregnant.”

“She has seizures, mom! Like, hardcore, convulsive fucking seizures! She could fall and hurt herself. She could fall on her stomach–” 

“I’m sure the doctors would keep a close eye on her.”

It’s like talking to a wall, and the more his mom does this shit, the less Reiner wants to see her. He definitely doesn’t want you to have to deal with her, that’s for sure. 

It just baffles him that her desire for grandchildren outweighs her desire to keep you safe and happy. You. The person who helped her own son out of the bleak pit of depression, who took care of him and scheduled appointments when he didn’t have the drive to do so. You saved him. 

So, how the fuck is she okay with putting you in harm’s way? Doesn’t she know she would lose Reiner if he lost you? 

When you appear again, you’re in your comfy clothes—a big shirt and a pair of Reiner’s boxers. Your eyes are puffy, and as you sit down next to him, he can feel the heat from your shower still radiating from your skin. 

Reiner doesn’t say anything, but he does put his arm around you and tug you against him. You let him, leaning into his chest and clutching his t-shirt as the silence drags on until—

“It just feels like… something is wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Reiner is quick to assure you, resting his cheek on your head. “Or, like…” he thinks for a second and amends, “There are some things, but not wanting kids isn’t one of them.”

You let out something between a snicker and a hiccup, then swallow loudly, and Reiner can tell you’re teetering over your edge again. 

“Mom is just simple-minded,” he continues. “It’s not a justification or anything, just… you know. She doesn’t understand.”

“‘Cause how could any woman not want kids, right?” you scoff, voice getting thicker with every word. “It’s supposed to be the most natural thing in the world. Like… what women were made for or… whatever.”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”

“I do, I just—it’s like everywhere I turn. My coworkers ask about it, and my brother has his son now, and, like, all my friends have baby fever, and I just feel like—“ 

You sniff, shoulders growing tense, and then you’re burying your whole face in his chest and shaking. 

“I feel like I’m—like I’m just w-watching from the sidelines. Everyone is part of this—part of this fucking c-club, and I didn’t get the fucking invite as a kid.”

Reiner rubs your back, his heart thumping heavily in his chest because this is different. He’s held you while you’ve cried about disappointing his mom, but he’s never heard this particular confession. 

“I know a ton of w-women don’t wanna have kids, but I just—” you pause to suck in a shuddering breath then sob “—I feel alone.”

“I’m here, though,” Reiner reminds you softly, petting your hair with one hand while tightening his grip around you with the other. “I’m right here, baby.”

“I know,” you nod, “I know, and I love you so much, Reiner. It’s just like… I don’t even know how to explain it. Like people see me as wrong or stupid or naïve or something for not wanting them, but I can’t help it! I just d-don’t! And like, does that make me selfish? Does that—does that make me bad?” 

“Don’t be fucking stupid,” he says before he can think better of it, and when your fingers tighten in the material of his shirt, Reiner squeezes his eyes shut and backtracks. “Sorry, I just mean…” 

He moves slowly, pulling your face away from his body then guiding you to look at him, and he hates how your eyes are so red where they should be white, hates the wet tracks down your cheeks because, “You are so good. In so many ways. If you wanted to, I know you’d be a great mom. You’ve taken care of me for years, so…”

You snort, though it turns into a cough, then wipe your eyes with the palm of your hand. 

“But, you don’t want kids, and that’s okay. You shouldn’t be expected to. I know that, like, some aspects of the world still mirror history where women were only seen as child-bearers and housewives, but that’s fucked up.” As if you aren’t already well aware of that. “And, it’s not what I’m looking for in someone.”

“You don’t feel like you’re missin’ out or anything?” 

Reiner wipes away another tear with his thumb and shakes his head. 

“Not one bit. You know how much fucking money we can save without kids?” 

You laugh at that. Really laugh. So he keeps going. 

“You know how much time and resources we’ll have freed up to adopt dogs?”

Some of the light returns to your face, so Reiner feels better about pressing his lips to yours, unbothered by the salty taste. 

“Never have to fuckin’ worry about a kid walking in on us in the middle of doin’ the do.”

“No emotional scarring,” you huff with a smile. 

“That’s what I’m talking about.”

Reiner maneuvers you into his lap, and you let him, draping your arms over his shoulders and leaning against his chest as you nuzzle into his neck. He relaxes into the couch, keeps stroking up and down your spine, enjoying your weight on top of him. 

“We can stop visiting Mom if you want.” It hurts to make the offer, but it hurts more to know that the recurring conversation makes you feel like this. And, it’s not like he can’t just go alone. 

“I love your mom,” you argue, breath spilling over his throat and making Reiner shift on the cushion. “And, I know she means well. I don’t wanna just stop seeing her.”

“Do you wanna maybe sit down and have a real talk with her then? Like, we can really map everything out for her?”

You grunt in a way that indicates discomfort and ask, “You mean like… dining room table, us sitting across from her—”

“Box of Kleenex right in the middle ‘cause both of you will cry.”

You mutter a, “Shut up,” that Reiner is positive is paired with an eye roll, then bite his neck as if that’s some kind of punishment. 

“I’m just saying! You’re—baby, I’m trying to be mostly serious, and you’re kinda turning me on, so—”

He feels you smile before you let go, and Reiner takes a deep breath as he lets that sizzle in his stomach settle again. 

“Mom’s a cryer, and you’re a cryer, and honestly, I kind of am too, so…”

“Fine, I get it, box of tissues is a must.”

“Unless you just wanna leave it alone entirely,” he adds. “If you just wanna ignore her and keep going like we are, that’s also fine.”

You shrug, wiggling a little when he stops rubbing your back so that he’ll pick the movement up where he left off, then go boneless again. 

“I’ll think about it. Feel like sitting down and setting the record straight would be like… telling a kid they’ll never go to Disney World or something. Like, it’d just be crushing her dreams.”

“She’ll live,” Reiner promises.

“Yeah, but what if…” 

You go quiet again, but Reiner just waits, knows you’re getting lost in your head again. Maybe he should have let you keep biting him, given you a distraction. 

“What if they’re all right?” you question meekly. “What if I end up regretting it?”

Your bottom lip is pushed out as it begins to quiver, and Reiner can’t help but run a finger over it as he asks, “You know what’d be worse than not having kids and regretting it?”

“Hm?”

“Having a kid you don’t want.”

Your next exhale is slow and steady, a small sniffle following closely behind, and then you murmur, “Yeah, that’d be… that’d be really shitty. Like, my nightmare.”

“I know,” he tells you, nosing into your hair. “Fuck what my mom and your coworkers and everyone else think. We’ll do what’s best for us—for you. Like, we could be parents if we wanted to, but we don’t. And, that doesn’t make us lesser fucking people. I think it makes us pretty self-aware, honestly.”

“How impressive of us,” you hum. 

“Really is.”

Neither of you speak for a while, simply sitting and digesting. Reiner gets lost in the feeling of your heartbeat, waiting for your breath to stop shaking before he tries, “Feel a little better?” 

“Think so,” you answer. “Head hurts, though.”

“You’re probably dehydrated, baby. Here—”

Reiner scoots you off of his lap and stands up, making his way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. He takes a couple sips himself, his body still a little tense from the conversation, but then he walks back to the den and hands you the cup, smiling fondly as you gulp it down. 

Empty glass placed on the coffee table, Reiner sits back down next to you, grabbing your hand and bringing your knuckles to his lips. 

“You are strong… and, you are beautiful… and there is nothing wrong with what you want or don’t want for yourself,” he says seriously, eyes locked with yours. “Moms are great. Chicks who want kids are cool. Gotta have ‘em, you know?” 

You laugh, and Reiner smiles before kissing the tip of your index finger. 

“But, your choices are valid too. And, if anyone tells you you’re wrong or stupid or whatever, just let me know, and I’ll beat ‘em up or… something like that.”

Your little giggle is like music to his ears, and you fall into his lap once again, arms snaking behind his back to wrap around him.

Reiner kisses your temple, voice low when he asks, “You know I love you, right?” Because he does. He loves you so much he sometimes can’t stand it. 

“I know,” you nod. “And, I love you too.”

Another longer kiss is shared, and Reiner thinks to himself, if he can just keep doing this forever—with you—everything will be okay. 

No one else has to understand you because he does, and he always will. 

[btsqualityy]

I Choose You

Taehyung x Reader

Genre: ABO (Alpha/Beta/Omega) dynamics, crushes-to-lovers, kind of a soulmate!AU (it’s based on their scents), fluff, and smut

Warnings: Oral sex (Male and female receiving), unprotected sex, dirty talk, soft Dom!Taehyung, impregnation kink, and creampie 

Author’s Note: This fic is based on a prompt from the Spring Fest “Spring Will Come Again” hosted by @bangtanarmynet! I hope you guys enjoy it!

Prompt: Every Spring Fest, the unmated Alphas had to choose a mate but when Taehyung felt a pull, he didn’t expect it to lead to you.

“Come on!” Taehyung whined loudly. “Just tell me!”

“You know that I cannot tell you who is participating in the Mating Ceremony Tae,” Jimin giggled. “It’s against pack rules.”

“Alright, well just give me a clue,” Taehyung tried to bargain. The two of them were sat outside in the territory that belonged to their pack, deciding to enjoy their lunch in the newly nice weather.

“You know, to be an Alpha, you have no sense of patience,” Jimin laughed.

“And for you to be an Omega, you have no sense of loyalty to your best friend,” Taehyung pouted.

“Oh God, he’s pulling out the pouts,” Jimin groaned playfully. “If you’re so impatient about not being able to know who’s participating in the Ceremony beforehand, then why are you even doing it?”

The Mating Ceremony was an age old tradition in Taehyung’s pack that occurred every year, right at the start of the Spring Festival. For people who still believed in soulmates, the Mating Ceremony was an unbiased opportunity for those people to find the one that their soul desired. The Omegas and Betas would gather together, with their faces hidden, and it was up to an Alpha to use only their sense of smell to find the scent that they liked the most. 

Of course, a lot of people felt that scents weren’t the only important thing when it came to building the foundation of a relationship as time has passed but it was still an honored and revered tradition nonetheless. 

“Besides the fact that literally everyone that I know has found their mate during the Ceremony?” Taehyung huffed. “The fact that I’m almost 26 years old and haven’t found my mate yet.”

“Oh please, you say that as if you’re old and if you’re old, then I’m old,” Jimin said as he rolled his eyes. “And I’m definitely not old.”

“Well, you say that because you’re not alone,” Taehyung pointed out. “My parents found each other 27 years ago, Yoongi hyung found you three years ago, Joon hyung found Aareum the year before that, and hell, even Jin hyung found Jungkookie last year. Too long, didn’t read, I’m gonna die alone if I don’t do it.”

“I feel so bad for your future mate because you are so fucking dramatic,” Jimin laughed as he reached over and stole a French fry off of Taehyung’s plate.

“You’d have time to warn them if you’d just tell me who’s joining this year,” Taehyung tried to persuade him. “Come on, what’s the point in having the Head Omega as your best friend if he doesn’t supply you with useful information?”

“Oh, and here I was thinking that I was your bestfriend because I’m your platonic soulmate,” Jimin scoffed. “Look Tae, the entire point of the Mating Ceremony is to let your heart and your nose do the deciding for you. If I tell you who’s participating and who’s not, it’ll cloud your judgement and then the whole thing will be moot.”

“Ugh, fine Mr. “I wanna be ethical”,” Taehyung sighed as he stood up from the table. “I gotta go and finish up my gift for the Ceremony so I’ll see you later.”

“See you later, Pouty Pants,” Jimin giggled as he waved his hand and Taehyung began to walk around the territory. He wasn’t lying when he said that he needed to go finish working on his courting gift, but he figured that it wouldn’t hurt to take a walk around the pack’s territory before he did.

Taehyung’s pack was pretty tight knit, though it was considered to be considerably larger than the other surrounding packs. Even though Taehyung’s family weren’t the ones who founded the pack, his great-great-grandfather was one of the first members to join the pack so Taehyung‘s family line literally had stakes in the very beginning of the pack. 

Growing up, Taehyung had been pretty well known around the pack but after he presented as an Alpha, it was as if he were a celebrity. Every unmated Alpha, Beta, and Omega seemed to be after him and admittedly, he had enjoyed the attention for the last few years but now, he was ready to find his mate, settle down, and start a family.

Just as Taehyung walked around the corner that separated the school building and the doctor’s house, he collided with a figure that had literally rushed into him. 

“Hey!” Taehyung yelped, gasping when the papers that the person had been holding fell down onto the ground. 

“Oh my gosh,” you whispered, bending down and beginning to pick the papers up. Taehyung bent down as well, helping when he realized who you were.

“Y/N?” He called and you looked up at him, your eyes widening when you realize who he was.

“Oh Taehyung, I’m so sorry,” you apologized, bowing your head to him.

“No no no, it’s ok. Don’t worry about it,” he assured you. “Just let me help you with these.”

“I already ran into you, you don’t have to,” you tried to say but Taehyung just cut you off.

“I want to,” he chuckled and you just decided to let it go as the two of you finished picking up all of the fallen papers. Once you were both done, you stood up straight and Taehyung handed the small stack of papers that he had collected over to you. 

“So, where were you off to that has you in such a rush?” Taehyung wondered with a smile. 

“Well, uh, the start of Spring marks the halfway point in the second half of the schoolyear for the pups so I was in a rush to get their progress reports finished,” you explained and Taehyung couldn’t help but to smile at how shy you still seemed to be around him. 

The two of you knew of each other from around the pack and you went to school together, being as though the two of you were born in the same year. Because of that, you both had a lot of mutual friends but the two of you never hung out much because you were really shy and seemed almost scared of Taehyung so he always made sure to give you your space. 

“Ah, you do work in the school building,” he chuckled.

“With the seven to nine year olds,” you smiled. 

“I remember, I remember,” he nodded. “Well, besides that, how are you?”

“Good, good,” you replied. “Busy as ever this time of year, but good. How about yourself?”

“I’m good, just preparing for the Spring Festival, ” he told her. 

“Oh, are you doing the Mating Ceremony this year?” You asked and he nodded his head. 

“Are you?”

“I’ve never done it before and I don’t think I’ll start now,” you giggled. “It’s not really my thing.”

“What, finding your soulmate isn’t your thing?” Taehyung teased.

“No, I meant that not being picked by anyone wouldn’t be my thing,” you clarified. 

“Oh please, somebody would definitely choose you,” Taehyung said. “I know that we don’t talk much but anyone can see that you’re a good woman and a great Omega. I bet that any Alpha would be proud to have you be their mate.”

“Oh,” you uttered in surprise, and Taehyung couldn’t help but to feel a little sense of pride at how flustered he had made you. “T-Thank you Taehyung.”

“You’re welcome,” he grinned. 

“W-Well, I have to go,” you murmured. “See you around?”

“Yeah, see you,” Taehyung agreed but he didn’t know if you’d even heard him because you were already walking, almost running, away from him.

.....................................

Even though the Spring Fest was being held during the first week of April, Taehyung had made the decision that he’d be participating back in December of the previous year and this was because he wanted to make sure he had enough time to prepare his courting gift. A courting gift would show his future mate that he was serious about them so it took Taehyung a lot of thought to decide what he wanted to give his future mate. In the end though, it was actually Taehyung’s mother who helped him. 

He off-handedly mentioned that he was trying to figure out a gift and she ended up giving him his great-grandmother’s engagement ring. It was a ruby that sat on a nest of gold diamonds, with a gold band to accompany it. Taehyung was familiar with it because it was a family heirloom and he was so honored that his mother trusted him with it. 

When the first day of the Spring Fest arrived, Taehyung made sure that the ring box was nestled safely in the pocket of his slacks before he checked his appearance in the mirror. Wanting to look his best, he settled on a button up dress shirt that was a deep maroon color and paired it with black slacks. He added a few simple accessories like a few rings on both hands and earrings but he skipped any necklaces or bracelets, wanting to makes sure that nothing would get in the way of someone being able to smell his scent. 

“Let’s go find our mate,” Taehyung whispered to himself, making sure to fix his hair one last time before hurrying up and rushing out of the front door of his house. 

The Mating Ceremony was to be held in the large flower garden that was towards the back of the pack’s territory. The logic behind it was that finding your soulmate amongst beautiful things would help your relationship with said soulmate be beautiful as well. 

When Taehyung got there, he immediately spotted Jin and Jungkook sitting together on a bench so he walked over to them. 

“Hi Tae hyung!” Jungkook greeted him happily. 

“Hi,” Taehyung replied. “You guys came for moral support?”

“You know it,” Jin nodded. “You look really good Tae-ah.”

“Ready to find your soulmate?” Jungkook wondered.

“Thank you, and hopefully,” Taehyung sighed heavily. “I’m so nervous.”

“Don’t worry hyung, all you have to do is trust your nose,” Jungkook told him. 

“Kook’s right, you know our senses will never purposefully lead us wrong,” Jin added. 

“Thanks for the advice guys,” Taehyung chuckled, reaching out and ruffling Jungkook’s hair a little. Suddenly, a voice erupted over the loud speakers that had been placed around the garden. 

“The Mating Ceremony is about to commence,” the voice that Taehyung recognized as Jimin announced. “If you are offering a gift, please get into position.”

“Well, that’s my cue,” Taehyung said.

“Relax and don’t worry,” Jin advised him. “Just...let it happen.”

“Ok,” Taehyung nodded before turning around and walking over to a large wall of white roses. Falling into line with several other Alphas and Betas who were also participating in the Ceremony, he waited with baited breath as another line of Omegas and Betas stepped into the garden and walked over to stand right in front of the wall of roses. 

Every Omega or Beta had a veil or mask over their face so that they couldn’t be seen, and their own choice of outfit but most of them were dressed pretty formally, just like Taehyung was. 

“Alphas and Betas who are presenting gifts, you know the rules,” Jimin spoke up again. “No sneaking a peek at anybody until you offer them your gift and they actually accept it, no trying to force your gift upon anyone who makes it clear that they do not want it, and trust your instincts! Happy finding!”

Taehyung then closed his eyes, taking a deep inhale in order to smell the air around him. He picked up a few scents here and there, with hints of chocolate and mint but none of them especially stuck out to them. He then opened his eyes and they slightly widened when he saw some of the Alphas and Betas already offering gifts to some of the Betas and Omegas who had been waiting. He had to admit, it kind of shocked him because it was seemingly so simple for them but not for him. Deciding to follow everyone’s advice and trust his senses, he shut his eyes again and took another deep breath it, and that was when he smelled it.

The initial wave that hit his nose was reminiscent of tangerines, and then that was mixed with the scent of berries that seemed to almost intermingle with the tangerine scent. Those were two very typical scents, especially for Omegas, but what really caught Taehyung’s attention was the scent of pink champagne. It was something that he had never smelt in a scent before and before he could even realize it, he was moving towards the source of the scent.

When he realized that he had stepped up to the person that the scent belonged to, he took a second to look over them. It seemed to be a woman, who had on a flowing white dress along with a small matching white veil. Taehyung reached out and extended his wrist towards their nose for them to be able to smell his scent clearly and when the woman let out an appreciative hum, Taehyung’s heart clenched because this was it. He had found the one. 

Taehyung reached into his pocket and took out the ring box, extending it towards the woman. The woman then reached out and took the box from it, a soft giggle coming from her as she did so.

“Thank you,” the woman said and Taehyung’s eyes widened because he recognized the voice, he just couldn’t remember where from. When the woman reached up and lifted the veil back from her face, Taehyung wanted to kick himself for not immediately recognizing who the voice came from. 

“Hi,” you smiled. 

.....................................

“I cannot believe that I didn’t know that it was you,” Taehyung huffed.

“Well, that’s kind of the point Taehyung,” you giggled from your spot on his bed. After the ceremony had ended, Taehyung invited you back to his house so that the two of you could have some alone time.

“I just didn’t expect this,” he said as he sat down next to you.

“Are you...upset that I’m your mate?” You asked wearily and Taehyung immediately shook his head.

“No!” He exclaimed. “Even though we don’t talk much, I know that you’re amazing. Hell, Jungkook raves about you all the time. I also meant what I said the other day.”

“W-Well, that’s good,” you replied shyly. “By the way, I’m sorry for not talking to you much over the years.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” he shrugged. “I just figured that you were shy and I don’t mind that.”

“It wasn’t shyness, though,” you blurted and his eyebrows rose. 

“Really?”

“The truth is, I’ve had a crush on you since you presented,” you confessed. 

“Y/N, that was almost 10 years ago,” he gasped in surprise. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I never thought that I had a chance,” You chuckled. “For years, every unmated Omega and Beta and even some Alphas have been after you. When you look at them and then look at me, I’m not as interesting or as beautiful when compared to them. I don’t know, I just don’t think that I measure up.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Taehyung admonished you. “You’re gorgeous Y/N-ah, and the sweetest person I know.”

“Really?” You deadpanned.

“Absolutely,” he nodded. He could tell that you didn’t believe him though, so he decided to be honest. “You wanna know something?”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve had a crush on you too,” he admitted, making your eyes widen. “Not for as long as you have, but at least two years. I just never made a move because you seemed so shy around me and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable because I figured that you just weren’t interested.”

“Seriously?” You gasped and he nodded. “We’re a big pair of idiots then, huh?”

“Definitely,” he laughed as he reached over and grabbed both of your hands in his. “It’s a good thing that we both decided to participate in the Ceremony then, huh?”

“Another confession? I only joined because I was hoping that my Omega would be able to say to your Alpha what I’ve never been able to bring myself to say aloud,” you told him. 

“And what is that?”

“That I want to be with you, Kim Taehyung,” you replied. Taehyung felt his Alpha preen at your confession and it wasn’t that Taehyung had doubted the validity of the Ceremony but actually being able to feel the connection between the two of you only solidified everything for him.

“I want to be with you too Y/N L/N,” he smiled. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” you giggled and Taehyung let go of your hands to set his hands on your cheeks, leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours. The kiss began soft at first, the both of you feeling a little nervous since this whole thing was so new.

It wasn’t until you laid back on the bed, pulling Taehyung down along with you that the two of you became more comfortable, you opening your mouth and allowing his tongue to slide against yours. Taehyung set his hand on your thigh, gently tracing random shapes with his fingertips as you kissed each other passionately.

“Y/N, I have to ask you something,” he murmured and you pulled away from his lips to look up at him. 

“What is it?”

“Are you a virgin?” He wondered and you felt your cheeks warm up immediately. “I’m not trying to be intrusive or anything, I just want to know so that I can gauge how comfortable you are.”

“Do you remember when I dated Xiumin?” You asked him and he rolled his eyes.

“That dickhead? Yeah,” he huffed.

“I lost my virginity to him.”

“Well, I can’t say that I’m in love with that piece of information,” he admitted.

“I only dated him because I was trying to get over you, which sounds really bad when I say it out loud,” you laughed. “That was around the same time that you were dating Jisoo.”

“Ah,” he said as he set his fingertips over your lips to silence you. “We don’t mention that forbidden name.”

“Ok, sorry,” you giggled. 

“So, if I told you that I want to have sex with you tonight,” Taehyung began, making your lower half clench around nothing. “Would you want to?”

“Yes,” you rushed out. “I want to.”

“Good, because I want to too,” he smiled before leaning down and kissing you again. You moaned into his mouth when he moved over so that he was on top of you, his lips never leaving yours as he did so. He then trailed his lips downwards, licking and sucking on the skin of your neck. 

“Ohh,” you sighed in pleasure, reaching down and tangling your fingers in his hair. Taehyung pulled away and reached up to grab your hands, untangling them from his hair and holding your wrists firmly when he placed them back down on the bed above your head, holding them there. 

“You keep these here for me, ok?” He asked and you could tell from his tone that he was both asking for permission and clarification. 

“Ok,” you whispered and he smiled. 

“Perfect Omega,” he murmured as he went back to kissing your neck and you had to clasp your hands together because you were too tempted to reach down and touch him again. After he had left a few marks on your neck, he brought his hands up and grabbed onto your breasts which made you gasp.

“As beautiful as this dress is Y/N-ah, I think we should take it off now. Yeah?” Taehyung suggested and you nodded your head rapidly. He moved off of you so that you could sit up and he moved around the bed on his knees so that he was behind you. He reached out and pulled down the zipper on your dress, and you reached up and pulled the dress down off of your shoulders. Once your arms were out of it, you got up onto your knees and pushed it down your legs and onto the floor. 

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous Y/N-ah,” he muttered huskily as he took in the sight of you in your stark white bralette and white lace panties. Your Omega preened at his praise, making your cheeks warm up.

“Really?”

“Really,” he smiled, moving back around your body and leaning down so that he was face to face with your breasts as he reached out to grab ahold of them. “I’m so fucking lucky.”

“I’m the lucky one,” you whispered as he pulled the material of the bralette to the side, causing both of your breasts to fall out. Without another word, he leaned forward and sucked your nipple into his mouth. You couldn’t help but to fall back on the bed, Taehyung falling along without a problem and not letting up on the onslaught that was his tongue.

Once your nipple had stiffened to a peak, he switched over to your other nipple and gave it the same treatment. You could smell your scent from in between your thighs, the notes of berries and pink champagne becoming stronger and stronger the wetter you became. 

You knew Taehyung could smell you too, because you could feel the outline of his hard cock against your inner thigh. 

“Fuck, Alpha,” you whimpered. “Wanna suck you off.”

“Whatever you want baby,” he agreed easily after pulling his mouth away from you, sitting up and reaching down to unbutton his slacks. You sat up, watching with hooded eyes as he unzipped them, pushing them down a little bit so that he was able to pull out his cock and your mouth literally watered at the sight of it. 

Taehyung’s cock wasn’t enormous, but it was definitely longer than average and it looked to be thick. You reached out and wrapped both of your hands around his length, and you felt yourself become wetter when you realized that you couldn’t even wrap your hands around him completely.

“Fuck, I can smell you baby,” he grumbled and you moaned softly at the pet name. “Do you like what you see?”

“Mmhm,” you nodded, leaning forward and wrapping your lips around the head of his cock. He exhaled harshly, looking down to watch as you did your best to take as much of him in your mouth as possible. You actually managed to do pretty good, doing your best to breathe through your nose as you sunk down closer and closer to the base of his cock. 

“Oh fuck,” he huffed. “Such a good girl, taking Alpha’s cock down your throat.” Bringing your hands back up, you stacked both of them on top of each other as you jerked him off while suckling on the head of his cock. 

“God, that feels good. Makes me want to fuck your throat,” he grumbled. “You gonna let me do that one day baby? Gonna let Alpha use your mouth?”

“Mmm, yes Alpha,” you gasped after releasing him from your mouth, your spit acting as lube as you continued to jerk him off. 

“Fuck, lay down for me,” he instructed you. “I have to taste you.” You didn’t hesitate to follow his instructions, laying back on the bed and resting on your forearms as you watched him push his slacks and boxers down and off his legs before he moved onto unbuttoning his shirt. 

He wasn’t overly muscular but you could still see the outline of what would be a six-pack, and your inner Omega loved the fact that your Alpha would be able to protect you if need be. 

Taehyung laid down on his front in between your legs, pulling your panties to the side before leaning forward and licking a stripe up your pussy, from your slit up to your clit. You gasped, your thighs involuntarily coming to together but Taehyung’s hands came up to push them back down. 

“Be still and let me make you come baby,” he whispered and you nodded numbly. He then went back to licking at you, making you whine and squirm underneath him. 

“Huh, holy shit,” you gasped, your chest beginning to move up and down quickly as your orgasm approached you. “Please don’t stop Tae.”

“Mmm,” he moaned against you, shaking his head back and forth over your clit which made his tongue do the same. 

“Do that again,” you requested and he obliged you, shaking his head back and forth rapidly and you felt your orgasm winding to it’s end in your abdomen. “Fuck yes, I’m gonna come.” Your head fell back onto the bed and just as you closed your eyes and felt yourself about to tip over the edge into ecstasy, Taehyung pulled away from you. 

“What?” You whimpered as you opened your eyes, looking down at him. 

“I want you to come on my knot,” he told you. He reached out and grabbed the band of your panties, pulling them down your legs and throwing them onto the floor. He then settled himself in between your thighs, leaning down and letting his cock rub against your clit. 

“If you want me to come on your knot, you shouldn’t do that,” you whimpered.

“You could come like this?” He wondered in awe and you nodded your head. “We’re gonna have to test that out one day.”

“We have the rest of our lives for that,” you promised him. 

“You got that right,” he smiled, moving his hips so that he could slide inside of you. You wrapped your legs around his waist, your hands gripping onto his arms as he slowly opened you up. 

“Fuh, fuck,” you stuttered, your eyes fluttering closed at how good he felt inside of you, stretching you out in the best way.

“God, you’re so tight but you’re opening up so well for me baby,” Taehyung grunted, making sure to push his hips as close to yours as he could so that he could go as deep as possible. “You really are my mate, huh?”

“Yes,” you whispered, your mind barely being able to comprehend his words because the feeling of being completely and utterly clouded all of your senses. He continued to roll his hips against yours, his cock dragging against your walls as he did. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this, how much I’ve thought about this,” he muttered. “I’d see you walking around the territory all shy, keeping your eyes low so that people wouldn’t approach you and all I could think about was that you were the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and how much I wanted to fuck you with my knot.”

“Mmm, knot,” you slurred, making Taehyung smile because of course knot was the word that you caught. 

“I’d watch you with the pups, teaching them and being so gentle and patient with them and my only thought would be about how I wanted to fuck some pups of my own into you so that you could be their mother,” he groaned, his hips stuttering slightly when he felt your walls clench around him like a vice grip. “Oh, you want that? Want Alpha to give you some pups?”

“Fuck yes,” you moaned wantonly, moving your own hips so that you were fucking back onto him. “Want your cum, want a pup.”

“I’ll give it to you baby,” he swore as he began to fuck you faster. “Alpha will give you anything you want.”

“W-want you,” you whined as you felt your orgasm quickly building back up again. 

“You have me baby,” he chuckled deeply. “You always have, I think.”

“A-alpha, g-gonna c-c-come,” you managed to utter as your body moved up and down the bed, the force of Taehyung fucking you literally moving you on the bed. 

“Go ahead so that I can knot you gorgeous,” he encouraged you. You reached down and set your fingertips on your clit, only managing to make two circles on it before you were coming. Your thighs spasmed and clutched around Taehyung’s waist, the rest of your body shaking on the bed from how forceful your orgasm was. 

“T-Tae,” you whimpered, your body shivering even after the crest of your orgasm had passed. Taehyung leaned down, pressing soft kisses against your face that were in stark contrast to how he was still fucking you. 

“So good for me baby,” he whispered. “Came so prettily for me.”

“Kiss me,” you pleaded weakly and he just smiled at you before pressing his lips against yours. The force coming from how hard he was thrusting into you caused your mouth to fall open and Taehyung didn’t hesitate to stick his tongue inside, exploring around.

You literally felt his cock pulse inside of you and before you could pull away in order to ask, ropes of his cum flooded into you. His knot inflated immediately afterwards, making you moan as it forced its’ way inside of you. 

“Holy shit Y/N-ah,” he panted as he hid his face in your neck, collapsing on top of you. “I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard in my life.”

“Me either,” you admitted with a giggle. “I loved it though.”

“Me too,” he muttered as he pulled himself up so that he could look down at you. “I know this is probably a weird thing to ask given what we just got finished doing, but you accept the fact that you’re my mate right?”

“Tae, of course,” you smiled. “My Omega would hate me if I rejected you and you know our wolf side doesn’t lie.”

“I guess I just wanted to know if it was as strong for you as it was for me,” he mumbled and you placed your hands on his cheeks, making him look down at you. 

“You’re my mate Kim Taehyung,” you told him. “I knew it and felt it the moment that you gave me your wrist and I smelled your scent.”

“I knew it too,” he smiled. “I’ll give you your bite in the morning, I’m just too tired right now.”

“No complaints from me,” you laughed. “Coming so hard can definitely take a lot out of a person.” Taehyung then laid his head down on your chest and you reached up, setting your hands in his hair as you began to play with the sweaty strands.

“I’m so glad that my Alpha chose you,” he muttered sleepily and you could feel the goofy smile spread onto your face before you leaned down and kissed the top of his head. 

“Me too Tae,” you sighed in contentment. “Me too.”

[jameui]

SPECIAL PRESENT 1

Requested

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

PAIRING: Sugar Daddy!Jung Yunoh x College Student!M!Reader (featuring: Bestfriend!Lee Jeno)

GENRE: Fluff, Smut

WARNINGS: Unprotected intercourse, huge age gap, a lot of IMPORTANT flashbacks (i think), daddy kink, sex toys, overstimulation

SUMMARY: You were a striving student in Resonance High and had perfect records. Besides your devotion to your education, you were also gifted with a talent. All these stuffs making your sugar daddy, Jaehyun, proud of you, so he decided to give you a night you won't forget.

(P.S. so i was fucking dumb to actually think that when you said performance, you meant by performing on a stage, when you actually meant, how male reader actually did good in school. I was too late to notice. sorry. if this didn't reach your expectations.

The school's foundation day is fast approaching and each student at Resonance High are all excited preparing for that certain day. During the school's foundation day, events such as competition in sports and performances like singing and dancing or spoken poetry. All sorts of event takes place in that particular, not only a day, but a week, that every students can take part in.

The school's foundation day does not only happen after a day. It's a week of celebration for the foundation and, of course, free from homeworks and projects that students have to worry about. All their focus must be on having fun on those days and be active in participation. Some students never liked the thought about celebrating a foundation day, but you on the other hand, thought otherwise as it's your first time celebrating it with a friend, since you never really get to do it with any due to you practically being locked up in your house for almost all years of your life.

Now, you were away from your family and you got to finally do anything you wanted. For example, having a sugar daddy who gave you all the help you needed. Sure, at first, you were just doing it out of mere fun, but you never quite expected to actually grow feelings for the older male. You didn't know when it started, but the first time you ever felt the fluttering of butterflies in your stomach was when he became worried and concerned when you got sick after a very excessive practice, the day prior. You wanted to tell him so, so bad, but you didn't know how to.

You were scared that maybe you were crossing the line or coming off too strong or maybe he'd walk away if you broke the agreement. It first started with just you only being up for it because of the agreement. Though, you never really went as far as you giving him a good blow or having a steamy bath with him. Either way, he was still someone you could trust and the only person you could rant about all your problems. The thought of losing all these scared you the most.

Unlike some other people, Jaehyun was smart and was a successful businessman, owning one of the richest companies in the industry. Jaehyun, when he's not busy, he'd help you out with your math homeworks or would just do it for you, since he found it fun and easy. Sometimes, you think he's Einstein, reincarnated.

Jaehyun, besides his brains, is also fun to be with. He knows about your passion and talent for singing and dancing and your once dream to be an artist, so he would sometimes play loud music in the living room through the speakers and you two would be singing along, him making up lyrics when he have no idea what the song artist's saying in their song. He'd sometimes call them drunk, because they sounded like they were slurring their words, which you would always laugh to. Also, he'd let you teach him a few dance steps you saw on tiktok and you'd record it together, only for the fun of both of you.

You were seated by your section's booth and couldn't help, but crack a smile from the thought. That was until one of your classmates decided to cut the moment. "What's with the smile?" Jeno, one of your friends, questioned with a smirk whilst carrying a case of bottled apple juice, placing it beside the stand of the booth.

"Here to tease me, again?" You scoffed at him, as he shrugged his shoulders. You rolled your eyes at him and stood up from your seat before heading to the school's gate where the rest of the important necessitated items are waiting. You skipped along the way and stopped by the pick up truck that was parked at the parking lot. "Anything I can help with?" You asked with a smile.

"Here's the last of 'em." He gave you two cases of the bottled drinks, one stacked above the other making you grunt.

"This is heavy." You muttered under your breathe, your thin hands barely holding onto the handles. "Th-thanks." You told them your feet wobbling from the heavy weight of the trays.

Jeno who came walking back outside saw you struggling, making him chuckle deciding to help you. "Need help with that?"

"Yes, please." You said before passing the trays to Jeno carefully, so it doesn't topple over. "Thanks." You smiled at him, cracking your knuckles and shaking it to reduce the pain you felt on your hands.

"Welcome." He said, then walking back to the booth, with you beside him. "Ah, M/n. By the way, are you attending the practice this afternoon?"

"Yeah. Of course. Why do you ask?" You chuckled, kicking on a pebble that came your way.

"Oh, I just thought you'd be busy sucking your daddy's—"

"JENO!" You yelled at him with an evident blush on your face cutting him off to avoid anyone hearing what Jeno had to say. It's always been like this. Since the day you told him about having a sugar daddy, he'd always tease you no matter where you are or what you're doing. He'd always use your excuses against you and now, you're regretting ever telling him.

"Okay, okay. Damn." He laughed at your reaction, you staring daggers at him.

Just as you were about to spat back at him, you heard a group of girls' voices calling out to you. "M/n! M/n! M/n!" They were successful in gaining your attention, while they smiled running up towards you. "M/n! You didn't tell us you have a handsome brother..." One of them said, while batting their lashes.

You knitted your brows in confusion. "I have?" You asked the girls, who looked like they knew better and nodded their heads. First of all, you don't have a brother, but you have three sister, two are older and one is younger. Second, you don't even know who these girls were and yet, they mysteriously knew your name and who you were. "Wait, who are you talking—"

"M/n-ah." You heard that sweet raspy voice of the man you loved, your head snapping towards him who stood by the side of your booth. You guessed he was on his break, since he was still in his suit and it was already past twelve in the afternoon.

"Jaehyun!" You giggled as you ran to him, all the while opening his arms for you to throw yourself in. You gladly complied and wrapped your arms around him, the lot older male doing the same as he hung his long arms on your waist. You snuggled into his chest before you looked up at him to see him already looking down at you with a smile that displayed his deeply carved dimples. "What are you doing here? Aren't you busy?" He made you giggle when he patted your head and planted a kiss on your forehead.

"I wanted to see my baby." Jaehyun replied, then pouting. "I've been so tired lately."

You furrowed your brows in concern and hugged him tighter. "Can't you take a three days off?"

"I want to, but I got to keep the company running if I don't want it to fail." He answered you, making you nod your head.

Once the girls saw these, they quickly felt embarrassed and walked off without making a sound, Jeno laughing at them.

"Then, why don't I treat you to something sweet? How's that?" You wanted to do something for the older and this was the only thing you could ever think of.

The pout was still glued to his face when he looked back down at you. "Angel, we agreed that I would do the treating."

"Well, you're the one who needs my help, right now, so I want to do something for you, other than..." You cleared your throat and mumbled, "...the other things I do for you."

Jaehyun chuckled, as he finally gave in to your offer while he ruffled your hair. "Alright."

You pulled away from him once he had loosened his grip from around your waist. You took him by the wrist and told Jeno that you'd be somewhere else, leaving Jeno with the rest of the responsibilities, promising him to make up to it.

You were leading Jaehyun to the canteen, before he gently pulled on your hand. You turned your head towards him, your eyes moving down to where he held you. You chuckled and smiled. "What's wrong?"

"Can... I hold your hand, M/n?" The question took you aback, only since he never really asks those type of questions. Ones he only asks are some that goes by the line 'can you suck my dick?' or of some sort.

"Sure." You managed to smile from the obvious shock that got Jaehyun a little red. "You didn't even have to ask." You added to which he nodded to shyly. It would be times like this when you would forget that he is a good thirty years old because of his cute personality.

You two finally made it to the canteen, the taller male receiving a lot of stares from all those present inside. Jaehyun was yet to spot the attention he was gaining, but you were already feeling iffy even though you knew that those heart eyes were for Jaehyun. But, you couldn't help the feeling that those eyes didn't like you being around Jaehyun. "J-Jaehyun..." You squeaked out silently, tugging on the sleeve of his suit, taking his attention whilst smiling down at you. His smile faltered upon noticing how you looked subtly shaken and cowered in fear. "I.. I think we should leave."

"Baby, what's wrong? You look so tense." Jaehyun asked you out of pure concern, cupping your cheeks as he gently tilted your head upwards, so you could face him, but you removed his hands from your cheeks that got him almost shocked since you'd never really let yourself move away from his grasp, instead you would usually just lean into his touch and let yourself succumb to the warmth he was radiating, but this. This was different and he knew exactly that something was bothering you.

"Can we go, please?" You sounded like you were begging for you two to quickly move outside, leaving Jaehyun with no choice, but to nod his head and let you drag him out of the place. Alas, you were outside, but he never received even a word from you nor a hum, a sigh, nothing. Just complete silence.

He grew more worried thinking that he might have done something that he shouldn't have or said something that made you feel so uncomfortable. He was getting anxious as you continued to keep your mouth closed and never said a word. "Baby, you know you can trust me, right?" Jaehyun caressed your thumb in a comforting manner, his eyes showing how much he truly cared for you and how genuinely worried he was. He was scared that he might have done something wrong to you.

He himself never knew how it got to this. At first, just like you, he had only intended to find some fun in the relationship you both had and not actually grow some feelings towards you, but the first time he ever met you, all he ever had thought in his head was to protect you at all cost and give you everything you wanted, spoil you with all his money and riches, give you forehead kisses and pleasure that can make you see stars. Since the start, he only thought of this as something platonic and that it was a part of the agreement you both had consent on, but as you two got to spend more time together, he always felt something blossom inside of him. He always looked forward to every day, mainly because he had you to wake up to. His usual stoic expression, completely turned into those that said 'sunshine' all spread out on his face. That's when he completely knew, it was not only the benefits he was up for, anymore. It was you and his love for you.

He was just your usual workaholic man, who had nothing in his head rather than work, work, and work. Not until the day he bumped into you on that one faithful day, when you were so drained from all the studying you had to do and decided to buy coffee. You were so intimidated by his face that he got you cowering in fear when you turned to look up at him. The only courage you could muster was so small that you were only able to give him a polite bow before you entered the coffee shop to buy your favorite cappuccino coffee.

He was so intrigued by you that the next day, during that same time, he waited for you in that same exact location, but you never showed up. Until later. You were so shocked from the sight of him. You feared he'd beat you into a pulp, so you hid your face with your hand, hoping he didn't see you, but luck wasn't on your side that day and decided to let Jaehyun notice your presence.

"Hey, I—"

"Sorry, sir. I'm quite busy, right now." You immediately cut him off and got inside the shop, Jaehyun following suit. Your eyes made its way back towards the older who was following behind you closely. You stopped in your tracks and turned around to look at him, retracting his body from looking through your shoulders, throughout the whole time smiling down at you with his dimples showing. "Excuse me, sir, but do I owe you with something?"

Jaehyun pursed his lips, thinking before smirking and leaning closer to your face, with you, all the while, pulling your head back. "Yes." He answered you with his hands shoved confidently inside his pants.

Your gaze averted from his mesmerizing eyes to the table that supported you and kept you from falling. You gulped and felt your lips go dry. "D-do you need money? I don't have much, but will 7,000 won be enough?" You fondled through your pockets and took out your wallet.

"What? No, no." He chuckled, one hand taken out from his pockets and scratching his eyebrows while he sighed. "I have an offer."

Your brows were pulled together looking up at him, curious. "What is it?"

"Give me your number and I'll tell you over the phone."

And that's how it all started. Of course, he told you about lying that you owed him something, either way you were thanking the God above that he created you as gullible as ever.

As of the moment, Jaehyun could only feel his nervousness rise as he continued to stare at your back. "M/n, please say something. You're making me feel so worried."

"Jaehyun..." You finally stopped walking and spoke, before throwing yourself into him, the impact suddenly taking all the air inside Jaehyun's lungs away. "Don't leave me... please." You pleaded, your arms around him going tighter.

Jaehyun softened and felt himself get blanketed over with relief. He raised his hand to put it on top of your head and caressed them softly and soothingly. "I won't, M/n. I promise you."

In the end, Jaehyun was the one who treated you with something to eat. You were sat at a bench near your class' booth, Jaehyun next to you, while you swayed your feet back and forth. "Hyunnie." You called out to him with a new nickname you came up with, Jaehyun choking on his burger letting out a few coughs while you patted his back, laughing. "How the hell do you eat a burger that it got you choking on it?"

His coughing finally stopped and looked at you with a surprised face. "The nickname. You never called me that before."

You pouted in reply and blushed in embarrassment. "Do you.. not like it?"

"No, of course not." He was quick to shake his head, then cleared his throat, looking away. "It's cute."

You were able to see the pink tint painting his cheeks that you always found cute, since it's a very rare sight to see. Teasingly, you peeked over and was able to confirm that he was, in fact, blushing from just the nickname you created. "Oh my gosh, you're blushing." You cooed and immediately, Jaehyun scoffed, facing you to land a small kiss on your lips that got you widening your eyes and wiping away the mocking smile you had on your face. Your fingers made its way up towards your lips, unable to speak.

"Now, tell me who's blushing." Jaehyun smirked.

You glared at him, but instead of feeling intimidated, he found it cute. "I'm just surprised, since you never really like to, er, kiss me on the lips." You whispered the last part, loud enough for only you and him to hear.

You two were so happy in each other's company, that you both forgot that Jaehyun had somewhere else to be. That being his work. He wouldn't have noticed the time passing, if it wasn't for the alarm he had set, knowing he'd lose track of time when he's around you.

You walked him to his car and saw him off, waving your hand at him, not leaving until he was finally out of sight. You put your hands back down and sighed happily, walking back towards where you should be: at the booth where you should be finishing the preparation.

"So, how was the quick date?" Jeno asked you with a smirk, the sleeves of his shirt pushed back inside the hole that connected it to the shirt, showing his perfectly built muscles.

"It was great! Save for the part where I received death glares at the canteen. That felt terrible." You shuddered at the thought, but smiled again. "That aside, it was great."

"Your schedule didn't change? Are there still room for practice later?" Jeno asked you for the nth time that day. He's been asking you since you entered the classroom.

"It didn't, Jeno. Why are you so eager with me being present in the practice?" You chuckled at him, deciding to help him pack the treat bags you will give out to your customers.

"I just can't be left alone there with people I don't know. I'm an awkward person." Jeno told you.

"Jeno. You're literally known by all the students here and you're scared because they're strangers to you? I bet they all even want to be friends with you." You said, but Jeno just shook his head, his hair moving along with him.

"No, M/n. You must and need to attend the practice, either way." Jeno demanded of you.

You rolled your eyes at him and sighed deeply through your nose in defeat. "Fine, fine." Jeno's eye smile appeared and let out a small 'yes' making you chuckle.

"Hey, M/n." A voice started from outside the booth and saw a girl with her arms crossed, looking down at you whilst you seated at the ground. You looked up at her, but she didn't look friendly. She looked angry than friendly.

Your eyes flickered toward Jeno, then back to the girl and smiled. "Yeah?"

"Don't give me that smile, you whore." She spat at you, all of a sudden.

Your eyes closed shut, your mouth wide open and your forefinger raised up while you pushed it towards her way and scoffing. Your eyelids tore open and you smirked at the girl. "Excuse me? Whore? Who you calling a whore?"

"Listen, midget—"

"No, you listen here, Barbie." You said, a mocking tone with the last word. "You full on plastic, bitch. Get away from my sight. You look like a parasite."

The girl gasped in shock and opted to pull on your hair, but Jeno held her by her wrist and angrily stared at her. "You heard him. Get away. I'm not afraid to punch a person, even a girl, if they're purpose was to mistreat and shame on an innocent person." Jeno threw her hand away like it was trash, sending the girl from moving two steps back before stomping her foot and turning on her heels to walk away.

You could still see Jeno glaring at the girl while you looked at him in shock. "Wow, wow. Look at you."

"Sh. I'm not done yet." Jeno hushed you, before he continued his work. "You were saying?"

"Nothing. Was just shocked you told that girl off. I could have handled myself just fine, but thanks to you, I'm saved from causing a ruckus." You said, Jeno huffing through the nose.

"Seriously, you." He sighed pinching the bridge of his nose and knitted his brows. "Stop making the problem bigger."

"No way. I need to put up a fight. If I don't, they'd see me as someone weak." You defended yourself.

"And you can't even handle death glares that's being sent towards you?"

You were about to speak and fight back, but he was right. "That's... that's a different matter."

"Sure, it isn't, M/n." He said rolling his eyes.

Later that afternoon, past 5 p.m., you and Jeno excused yourselves from the class, since you have a dance practice for your performance on the opening of the foundation day. Out of habit, you skipped beside Jeno who was happy that you got to attend the practice today. Again.

You never really liked the person who choreographed the whole song. It was under a genre you thought you could never pull off or fit in, so your confidence was at a very low level. During practices, though, you try your best not to make it obvious that you were uncomfortable for that certain concept, but you still had to be seen making a lot of mistakes, some of the other students who joined clearly agitated. You could only bow and bow and bow at the mistake you knew you clearly had done, feeling guilty for the reason why always had to start again from the top. The reason why you never really got along well with these students.

You have arrived at the practice room, taking quiet steps as you both entered the venue trying your best not to make a sound. The intense gazes you received from the other students didn't come unnoticed by you, the reason why you pulled your knees closer to your chest as you buried your face in it. Clearly, they were enjoying those two few days you were absent, since they got to finish practice early and with no interruption nor mistakes. But, now that you're around, they knew exactly what awaited them.

Jeno saw you curled up into a ball and eyes making its way up to the students who looked so angry with you making him frown. "M/n. Don't mind them. You're actually doing even greater than them." He tried to cheer you up, so you acknowledged it with a smile.

"Thanks, Jeno. But, I don't think that will change the fact that my uneasiness with the dance is the reason why we have to start over and over again." You sighed and placed your head back down on your knees, Jeno drawing circles on your back.

A moment later, the mentor came walking in, displeased to see you present. "Oh, welcome back... M/n." He stated before you could hear those loud snickers coming from the students. You and Jeno were the first ones to stand in position, the others following suit. The mentor's face lit up with an idea on his mind. "Can everyone please take a seat for a couple of minutes?" He smiled, then looking at you. "Except for you, L/n."

Jeno's eyes fell upon you, a worried look on his face, mouthing 'I'll be fine' to reassure him as he sat back down along with the other students until it was only you and the mentor left standing. "You think telling your 'boyfriend' about me would scare me?" He mocked you with your head still hung low. "You have to try better than that." He smirked, pulling a chair to seat on it. His legs were on either side of the chair, so his chest was pressed upon the back rest of the chair to face you. "Start."

You were startled by the sudden order and went into position, but you only started fidgeting out of fear. "Where... I.. sir.. Do I stand—"

"L/n!" He yelled at you, making you jump from the sudden raise of his voice. You knew telling Jaehyun was a bad idea. "Fix yourself, will you? The performance is due tomorrow and you're such a mess." The misery you were caged in were the happiness of the students as they started to giggle, your fist clenching hard until your knuckles turned white.

The music started, but you were still nowhere from moving your body. You just stood there, head hanging low while gnashing your teeth. You weren't angry at the mentor. You were angry at yourself. You were angry that you couldn't do any better. You practiced the dance so hard, yet it were still so far from perfecting it. You just wished some kind of spirit would possess you and lead your body.

The whole place started to laugh at you as they watched you shamelessly froze on your position. You felt a small jab on your ribs that made you open your clenched fists and saw Jeno standing right beside you with a grin on his face, your expression softening as he started to lead the dance. Slowly, you felt your own body move to the beat and rhythm of the song, being at the same flow with Jeno. The students only watched while the song ended.

A slow clap from your mentor was heard, a smile plastered on his face. "Way to impress me you two, huh?" He stood from the chair and waisted his arms. "L/n." His eyes moved to you, expecting yet another scolding. "I'm proud of you. Keep up that confidence and I just know you'll do great." You felt a smile creeping its way up to your face, before the mentor closed in on you and ruffled your hair. "Alright, everyone. From the top."

-----

The practice ended at exactly eight o' clock in the evening and you were already feeling drained, your sweat soaked shirt sticking to your body. Your forehead glistened with sweat, that ran down to the side of your cheeks. You panted heavily and flopped your body down on the polished floor.

Why that late you ask? Well, you and Jeno decided to stay for a few hours to polish the dance, him pointing out your mistakes and going back to the steps to correct you. You were grateful Jeno was a very patient guy, so whenever you made a mistake or wasn't executing the dance properly, he'd just chuckle and help you with your 'cute mistakes', at least that's what he called it.

"Finally..." You panted, Jeno settling himself beside you, his limbs sprawled all over the floor. "Done."

"You did so great, M/n! I knew you could pull this off." Jeno gave you a compliment that made you giggle, a hand on your chest to catch your breathe.

"And it was all thanks to you." You told him.

Jeno shook his head. "Ey. The only thing I did was help your body to loosen up."

"Exactly." The cute noises coming out of your mouth once more. "Do you think we should practice more?" You asked the older who moved his head to look at you.

"Still up for one more?" He smiled knowingly at you, while you nodded at him. You both stood up from where you both lied and you went to your position with Jeno moving to the speakers to play the song for the last time.

The minute you both finished, you were so exhausted that your knees couldn't hold themselves up anymore and you fell to the ground, groaning. You were panting heavily, starting to even your breathing at the same time laughing proudly at yourself for how well you've done. "When I get home, I'm gonna take a shower and then, throw myself on the bed and sleep."

Jeno could only laugh and you two were left with half an hour talking about all the things in life. You listened to him rant about how the mentor was being more harsh on you than the other students, but you only shook the topic off telling him that it no longer mattered and that he should already move on. You had also thanked him for helping you, during that time when you had to do the dance routine all by yourself. You really didn't know what else to do than to just stand there and sulk.

A few minutes later, both of you were now starting to pack, Jeno having to make a quick visit to the restroom, leaving you all alone inside the studio. You were changing into a dry shirt, when the voice of the janitress from behind the window made your body go tense as you jumped and turned towards her. "Oh, fuck." You sighed out in relief, holding your hand close to your chest. "You scared me, ma'am."

Her eyes turned into those that looked like crescents and smiled. "My bad. Probably shouldn't have passed by unannounced." She nodded and proceeded to mop the hallway floor.

You were about to ask her about a certain matter that was troubling you, but when you lifted your head to face the woman, she was not there anymore. "Uh.. probably left for something." You shrugged it off and went back to scrolling through your feeds, the certain feeling of being watched sending chills down your spine. The silence was so deafening that you started to whistle to a song you were currently into, just to help calm the unnerving feeling. You started to feel all the hair on your body stand on its end when a very harsh opening of the door sent you off flying, then to the ground your heart beating so fast. "Shit!"

Jeno was obviously confused why you got so scared by him just pushing the door open, but he was also laughing at your state which made you glare at him. He helped you stand back up to your feet, as you dusted your pants from any invisible dirt. "What the hell happened to you?"

"You scared the shits out of me. That's what happened." You scoffed at him, hitching your back higher onto your shoulders. "Let's go." You two vacated the room, making sure to lock it, but you told Jeno not to since the janitress was still yet to finish cleaning, but Jeno was greatly puzzled at what you had said.

"What in the world are you talking about?" Jeno laughed lightly before proceeding to lock the door and hung an arm around your shoulder.

"I saw her through the window." You added.

Jeno shook his head in disbelief and didn't fall for your trick to scare him off. "First, the school does not hire a janitress or a janitor, since they have working students. Second, so the dance major students don't get distracted, the window inside the room is tinted, so you basically don't see anything outside."

You felt your heart sink at the revelation as you felt all your blood get drained. "Are you... s-sure?"

"Yeah." Jeno answered your question. You slowly turned your head back towards the room, the windows and saw a black figure waving their hands at you that made you sprinting off to the entrance, leaving a dumbfounded Jeno as he followed behind you. "What the hell, M/n?"

"Shut... up! You were not the one left inside the dance room, so you wouldn't know how much I'm fucking scared, right—"

"M/n!"

"FUCK!" You screamed on the top of your lungs, stomping your foot and punching the air for no apparent reason. "Jaehyun, you... nevermind. Just take me home, please. I think I'm already fucking wasted." Jaehyun, who was on his casual attire, approached you and placed a kiss on top of your head.

[bottoms-movie]

SAMBUCKY FIC RECS

so a lot of people seemed interested this so here it is! if ya’ll like this, i can make more parts! this is split into three categories: based on tfatws, canon divergence, and au. all fics are on ao3. all of the fics are complete. some fics do include smut, but i included the ratings, so make sure to check for that based on preferences!

also, feel free to send me asks on your thoughts on any fics or if you’re interested in another sambucky fic rec post!

BASED ON TFATWS

Fill the Hole in my Heart | Not Rated | 4,848 words

Bucky dives into the world of online dating. The girls are nice, but there seems to be something missing. When he goes to Louisiana to meet Sam and his family, he realizes what that something was.

Skip, Reverse | Explicit | 7,945 words

Sam stood in the middle of their local Target with a throw pillow in each hand. The one in his left hand was butter-soft and matched the drapes in the living room, but Bucky had walked by five seconds ago and declared the one on the right “absolutely fucking hideous,” and so now Sam kind of wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Sometimes romance is just bickering with your superhero partner/roommate at several different Target locations.

just won’t do right | General | 7,524 words

Sam's eyebrows go up, impressed, and he reaches over to squeeze Torres' shoulder, "This is amazing, kid. Thanks, really."

Bucky sits and watches in utter horror as the pink darkens on Torres' cheeks.

Oh, he realizes. Oh. Fuck.

body language will do the trick | Explicit | 12,598 words

“There’s no way you’re going to win this,” Bucky tells Sam. “I am going to love language the shit out of you.”

Sam gives him a considering look. “You do seem like you’d be really good at that.”

Bucky’s cheeks flush with heat. “Thanks, pal, I—”

Sam smirks, and Bucky’s eyes narrow. He shoves his elbow into Sam’s side and stalks off, leaving Sam cackling behind him.

“Your ass looks great today!” Sam yells.

Bucky reaches up to flip Sam the bird, and he definitely does not feel grateful that he wore his good jeans today. Bucky’s ass looks great every day.

checklist | General | 4,716 words

Bucky Barnes keeps a mental checklist of things he knows to be true at any given moment. Sometimes the checklist changes, because he's learned something else about himself. It changes, for example, when he starts realizing that maybe he would like to kiss Sam Wilson. Maybe.

best laid plans | 3 parts | 26,808 words

part 1: baby you’re the wave and I’m ready for the crash | Explicit | 6,616 words

Nah, my plan’s better,” Sam declares, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, what plan? Was that a plan? It didn’t sound like a plan to me, it sounded like a vague intention,” says Bucky, still scowling, and Sam grins.

“We’re winging it, the plan is a work in progress! Now c’mon, we gotta make some wardrobe adjustments if we’re gonna get into that club.”

Sam and Bucky have some unorthodox methods of going undercover in a club.

He Doesn’t Deserve You! | Teen | 5,154 words

Sam and Bucky have an argument that results in Bucky being left at the bar. A group of drunk strangers assumes Bucky just got dumped and quickly adopt him for the night to make him feel better.

Reconstitution | Not Rated | 10,228 words

“I didn’t back Steve on the Sokovia Accords,” Sam says unprompted one day. They’re so close to apprehending the Flagsmashers and wrapping up this ridiculous saga.

“I don’t follow,” Bucky says.

“I was the one who refused to sign it first. Not Steve.”

Sam says it so softly that Bucky has to strain to hear him. Sam is loud and chatty and half the time he keeps up a constant stream of chatter just to get on Bucky’s nerves, but Bucky’s coming to realize that when he really wants to make himself heard, he’s soft spoken and mild. Bucky doesn’t entirely follow his train of thought, though.

Or: a breaking down, remaking, and coming back stronger than ever before

Stuck On You (You Suez, You Luez) | Explicit | 10,136 words

Sam and Bucky’s mission was simple: stowaway on a ship suspected of weapons-smuggling in the Suez, gather enough intel to report back, and hop off again in Port Said. Something gets in the way, and a day-long recon session turns into a week of chess, bickering, semi-successful movie references, and trying not to go slowly insane.

His Touch | Mature | 1,006 words

When Baron Zemo touched Bucky’s face, Sam Wilson saw red.

Bucky just wants Sam to comfort him.

rusted | Teen | 2,358 words

Bucky doesn’t grace him with a sound of acknowledgement. He’s been quiet, ever since that night with Zemo. Well. Quieter. It’s almost like. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s half-expecting the Winter Soldier to come out.

He hasn’t, yet. Won’t, ever again. Not unbidden. Sam’s sure of that. Bucky, not so much.

‘You busy?’

‘’m scouring the—’

‘Good,’ Sam cuts the idiot off, ‘I need you to help me shave.’

advanced therapy methods for large adult men | 2 parts | 11,717 words

part 1: The Gottman Method for Dealing with Conflict | Mature | 4,187 words

Bucky and Dr. Raynor have a follow-up session and two entirely different conversations about his relationship status.

Or: Let's do more couples therapy, James.

it’s always Bucky’s Fault | 3 parts | 20,089 words

part 1: Did you see it? | Explicit | 3,905 words

In which there's supposedly a viral video of the Winter Soldier on his knees sucking off Captain America.

Everything is, like always, completely Bucky's fault.

CANON DIVERGENCE

Even in the Present (I Am Living in the Past) | Teen | 16,977 words

Sometimes Sam still questions everything about his ability to shoulder the 80-year legacy he now bears. His history, and the history of his loss, sticks with him and even in healing he doubts whether or not he is able to fulfil his purpose, and whether he may find lasting peace and happiness.

Told in fluid-fragments, the story moves between his therapy sessions after his return from active duty and the post-Endgame present.

You never forget your first | Teen | 3,650 words

The story of Bucky and Sam getting together in a series of firsts.

leftovers | Mature | 19,249 words

With the New Avengers up and running, Sam finally has time to start dating again. Unfortunately, it's not going as well as he'd hoped.

Partners | Explicit | 7,235 words

Sam's not sure if he can be Captain America. He's not a supersoldier. He can't throw the shield. He's just a dude.

And Bucky Barnes is just a nuisance, albeit a pretty good-looking one.

I’ll explain everything to the geese | Explicit | 50,949 words

Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

Night Swimming | Teen | 2,056 words

“Come on. The princess has a new arm for you and I gotta see if there’s a barber around here willing to tackle your…” Sam waved a hand at Bucky’s face.

“I don’t want a new arm,” Bucky immediately bit out.

And then -

“I can cut my own damn hair.”

Sam just raised both eyebrows. Crossed his arms over his chest again.

Dared Bucky to prove him wrong.

AU

Cpvert Coffee & Flirtation Specialist | General | 5,542 words

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield?? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

Stolen Moments | Teen | 98,767 words

“No,” Sam said, chuckling. “I don’t cheat,” he swept his gaze up and down James’ body, “even with guys who look like you. But, I’m bored and a little pissed, so if you wanna sit here and shoot the shit ‘til my man shows back up, I’m game.”

Never one to back to back down from a challenge - especially a challenge who looked like Sam Wilson - Bucky took another swig from his bottle and replied, “Sure, doll. I’ve got nothing but time.”

Steve has Sam. Bucky wants Sam. Sam wasn’t expecting any of this.

Such a Whirlwind Since I Saw You | Teen | 10,871 words

The Men of Letters turned Bucky Barnes into a weapon. Hunters Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanov are determined to save him, but they're going to need Sam Wilson's help.

“So you want me to ditch work, drive across America with you until you find your friend, who you thought was dead - all while avoiding some high-tech hunters who are out for blood?” Sam is asking.

Steve shrugs a shoulder, looking a little sheepish. Natasha almost laughs at the dry tone of Sam’s voice, but he's not wrong.

You Got What I Need? | Explicit | 37,588 words

Sam and Bucky are both in a bind, professionally. Nat points out a solution that neither men like. To save their careers they play along or rather, stop playing all together.

[butwhyduh]

Fit to be Tied

Jason Todd x reader

Warning: Christmas? And the f word.

Christmas series 2

Jason didn’t pay much attention to holidays. Nope. That was for the living. He didn’t have much of need for it. But he did know that Christmas was quiet and New Years was busy for patrol. He guessed everyone ate Christmas dinner and and then got bored of playing nice. Or maybe that just wanted to start the new year with a big ass bang. Who knows?

Even when he was a kid, he didn’t celebrate the holidays. Too poor, mom too lost in drugs, and dad? Well fuck him. He was a piece of shit when he was around.

Jason kicked a beer can out of his way into the pile of trash on the sidewalk. They didn’t get the trash again this week it looked like. Daddy Bruce could play bat but couldn’t throw his money around enough to keep trash from piling on the street.

It was fine. He had more important things to do anyways. He had to buy a Christmas present. He didn’t care for the holidays but the sweet girl he had at home was a doll and fuck, if she didn’t deserve something. So Jason went down to the local pawn shop. Usually not a problem but it was 2 AM. Not exactly prime business hours.

So yes, Red Hood was breaking into a pawn shop to get a bracelet. He was leaving cash, $20 over the cost too. It was something you had seen earlier in the week and had admired. Gems of some kind shaped to look like a butterfly. You’d taken a minute longer to stare at it.

He left as quick as he came. And it wasn’t long until he was opening the window of your apartment dressed in street clothes. You were asleep. Jason had used the excuse of patrol to get out. But in the early morning hours of Christmas, he wanted to wake you.

“Princess,” he said gently. You moved a little before opening your eyes. You smiled up at him. Fuck, he didn’t deserve the way you looked at him. Your eyes looked so innocent and sweet. You never looked at him like he scared you.

“Jaybird, what’s going on?”

“I got you something for Christmas and it’s technically Christmas..” he said pulling out the box. You sat up, curious.

“It’s Christmas Eve. You got me something? I didn’t think we were- I didn’t get anything. I couldn’t-“ you said turning red. Money was too tight to consider it. The fact that the heat was still on this late in the month was a Christmas miracle.

“No no. It’s fine. Just being here is enough for me. I’ve never really celebrated Christmas anyways,” Jason said pushing the box in your hand. You held the box before kissing him.

You opened the box to see the bracelet you had been looking at the pawn shop. You smiled and stared at the pretty little butterfly. Jason watched you carefully for a reaction. He’d never admit it but he was more nervous now than fighting on the street.

“You saw me looking at it. I didn’t think you’d notice,” you murmured softly as you picked it up. Jason took it and wrapped it around your wrist. He clasped it on and you looked at it, moving your wrist in the light.

“Thank you. It’s beautiful,” you said quietly looking at it. You had a little grin on your face. Jason smiled. That’s the look he wanted. That little bit of happiness that you showed when you were really pleased. He intertwined his fingers in yours.

“Princess, you’re so cold,” Jason said with a frown. He could feel it colder outside but now that he was getting used to the temperature, it wasn’t warm as it should be.

“The heater was acting up again so I turned it down. The blankets are plenty warm,” you said and his heart all but broke. There was no way he was going to let you be cold all winter because the landlord wouldn’t fix things. He might pay this guy a visit. You sensed his anger.

“It’s okay, Jay. Come lay with me and get warm,” you said taking his hands. He let you pull him into bed. He kicked off his pants and shoes and laid on his side. You curled into him as a little spoon. His long big frame all but engulfed you. It always felt to protective. If he was holding you, he knew you were safe. Jason ran his fingers along your bracelet soft as his rough fingers could.

“You’re so good to me,” you said softly and his heart clenched again. Fuck, if you knew all the bad he did. His messed up past. He thought you would have run away when you first learned he was Red Hood but no, you had been kind.

“Naw, Princess you deserve more then this shitty place,” he said, and for the first time, he felt a little bad about giving all of his trust fund to the soup kitchen he would visit as a kid. A little would have been nice to get a better place for you. But he had been making a ton crushing the drug trade at the time and didn’t have a girl back home when he did it. He couldn’t be as reckless now.

You turned in his arms to look in his blue eyes. He has such an intense look on his face that you frowned. “Jaybird, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said pulling his face back to normal. “Just thinking. I wanna move you to a better place, a safer place than this,” he said running his thumb across your cheeks. You grasped his wrist and leaned into his touch. Jason would sometimes get like that. Thinking you deserved better. And you humored him even though you wouldn’t even know what to do with wealth.

“We’re moving. Soon. I’m promising now,” he said thinking about the painful conversation he was going to have with Bruce. His adoptive father he hadn’t even told you about. Bruce would do just about anything Jason asked. Probably the guilt of letting him die.

“But Jay, we’d miss the water that went from boiling to freezing at random. And I’m not sure if I can sleep without Mr and Mrs Jancowski having sex every Tuesday at 2 AM,” you said with a smile. He kissed you to shut you up. You were joking but each one felt like a little knife in his guilt. You pulled him over you and the thought of money troubles faded from your mind.

———————————————

Jason woke before you and watched you sleep. You laid on his chest with your hand in his hair and your soft breath on his throat. The bracelet was still on your wrist. You looked so peaceful, trusted him while you slept. Jason carefully grabbed his phone and texted Alfred. He’d also have to tell you about his adoptive family. His very famous adoptive family.

He threaded his fingers in your hand that was flung across his waist. You began to stir. Jason moved hair from your face and you blinked to see his pale blue eyes watching you.

“Morning, Princess,” he said with a rough morning voice. You smiled.

“Morning, Jaybird.”

“I’ve got something to tell you,” he started. “I want you to meet my family tonight.”

“Tonight? Your family? I thought your parents...” you trailed off.

“I was adopted. I never told you because I don’t have the best relationship with them. But I think it’s time for you to meet them. I’ve got to tell you something else,” he said and you could hear his heart beat quicker as you laid on him.

“My adoptive father is Bruce Wayne.”

Silence.

“You’re shitting me.”

“Nope. And tonight I’m taking you to meet him. And my adoptive siblings.”

“You aren’t joking,” you said sitting up. Jason sat up too.

“I’m not. I’m kinda the... black sheep of the family. He adopted me when I was 12. I was trying to boost the wheels from the b- Bentley he was driving,” Jason corrected. It was one thing to tell you he was Red Hood. He couldn’t say Bruce Wayne was Batman.

“Wow. I- wow. Okay. That’s a lot to take in. Also on brand to be honest,” you said and he smiled and shrugged.

“Wait. What the fuck do you wear to the freaking Wayne manor for Christmas Eve?” You said a little panicky.

“Whatever you want. It’s just family,” he said with a sideways smile.

“Oh no. I can’t go to freaking Wayne Manor in a Kmart sweater,” you said quickly.

“You can wear,” he said hopping out of bed. He dug way in the back of his closet for a pretty red sweater that was slightly oversized. “This. Should fit fine. Pretty expensive too.”

“Where the hell did you get that?”

“I’ve had it for year and it definitely doesn’t fit now,” Jason said with a laugh. “Try it on.”

—————————————

The weather sucked. Freaking sleet that threatened everything it touched. You were grateful it wasn’t a night of Jason patrolling. This meant taking your car instead of Jason’s motorcycle. Your car was at least 15 years old and you called it Frankenstein because of all the repairs done over the years.

The radio skipped as Jason drove over a speed bump by Wayne Manor and you burst out laughing. Jason looked at you from the side.

“It’s not that funny,” he said. “What’s up?”

“My car is trash, I’m wearing your old sweater, and we’re late. If you weren’t the black sheep before, bringing me home, you will be now,” you said. He grabbed your hand and parked in front of a random house.

“I’ve been the black sheep since I was a kid and you aren’t going to change any thing for the worse. Trust me. In fact they’ll probably think you’re too good for me,” Jason said with a dry chuckle. “So don’t worry about anything. Except making room for pudding. I know it sounds weird,” he said starting to drive again. “But it’s the best part of Christmas.”

Wayne Manor was huge. You knew that. You’d even seen it on tv. But to see it in front of you was honestly terrifying, especially in the nasty weather. You almost hoped Jason was playing some weird elaborate joke and was going to drive on by but he knew the passcode to the gate. He drove in the covered drop off spot by the front door and parked. You both quickly ran in the building.

The front entry was breathtaking. A gigantic Christmas tree and a full staircase decked out in garland like a Hallmark movie. It was like a magazine. In fact, it was in the Christmas episode of Gotham Life the year before.

You gripped Jason’s hand tightly as you walked down the hall. Your shoes sounded unnaturally loud and you had the urge to quiet them like it was a library. Jason pulled you to the doorway of a dinning room full of people settling to eat. Jadon cleared his throat.

“Master Jason! You made it,” Alfred said excitedly. “I recieved your message but it’s been many years. Sit. Sit.”

“Glad you could come,” Jason’s brother Dick said with a grin. He looked at you in curious excitement. You looked down at some kind of mushroom soup placed in front of you. Everyone else was dressed so nicely and ate so perfectly. It was intimidating.

“Yeah, it’s Christmas,” Jason said shrugging. He gave Dick a look that said don’t ask. It didn’t take much for Dick to drop it because he seemed incredibly distracted. You spent most of the meal trying to keep up on conversations you clearly didn’t understand while trying food you’ve never seen before. You could barely remember everyone you were introduced to. One of Jason’s sister(s?) gave you a big hug along with everyone else when she arrived. You couldn’t tell anyone what was even said after the meal. Or so you thought.

Until right across from you, Dick proposes to his girlfriend. He stuttered around before finally asking. “Will you marry me? Oh god, I have a ring,” he said producing one. Everyone watched as she stared in the box.

“Will I marry you?” She asked faintly and you worried she’d say no. How terrible would it be??

“Please say something,” he pleaded and you could tell the man was practically in pain before she said yes. They kissed, the family applauded, and champagne was served.

Jason watched you from the corner of his eyes. How did you react to this? What did you think? You didn’t look jealous or anything. It made Jason think of marriage. He hadn’t before. He’d thought about moving into something more permanent but marriage. He’d never thought about marriage as his future, ever. Of course when you die at 16 and come back with a vengeance, love is low on the priority list.

“Jaybird, you there,” you asked slightly tapping his shoulder. He blinked and looked at you.

“Yeah, I’m here. Just in my head,” he said and you nodded. He’d do that sometimes.

“The party is moving to the parlor,” you said quietly in a proper rich Gothamite voice and Jason huffed before covering his smiling mouth with a nose rub. The rest of the group was moving ahead of you. Dick and his new fiancé were retiring for the night.

“I’m never going to hear the end of it, am I?”

“I’m so sorry, dearest. I can’t understand you with a silver spoon in your mouth,” you laughed. Jason rolled his eyes before guiding your shoulders towards the door. You heard a soft laugh behind you and you turned to see Tim’s girlfriend smiling.

“Sorry to interrupt but I’ve got to use that on Tim,” she said grabbing her coat and walking out.

After making sure you were cool with hanging with Tim’s girlfriend and their adoptive sister Cass, Jason and Tim started a very competitive game of pool. You couldn’t help but look at things that cost more than you’ve ever even seen. The chess set Damian and his girlfriend were playing with probably cost more than your car.

But it was Christmas and you tried to push your insecurities aside. It was a fun evening. A glass of wine you kept sipping on helped as well.

After a while Bruce announced that the roads were too bad and that no one was leaving. Jason clenched his jaw for a second before looking at you and relaxing. He didn’t want to stay but he wasn’t risking your health in any way. Instead he focused on the game.

“So if I win,” Jason said a full hour later. By this time, Damian’s girlfriend had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Your eyes felt a little heavy as well. “I get the penthouse.”

“Sure Jay. That’s Bruce’s. But I’m willing to gamble it,” Tim said throwing his hands up at the ridiculousness.

“I accept terms,” Bruce said. Both boys looked at him surprised. “Whoever wins gets the penthouse.”

You turned quickly to watch the game. Okay, is that a normal thing for them? To bet property. The look on everyone’s face said that no it wasn’t normal.

Jason was excellent at pool. It was a common for you both to go down to the pool hall and play some games. Jason would occasionally make some money playing and he did often as a kid. It was also a way to waste time when your mom was throwing beers back like a fish, like Jason’s mother did. Tim didn’t stand a chance. He wasn’t as good and looked almost like he was in pain occasionally. But maybe it wasn’t a real competition? Maybe Bruce was trying to give Jason something he’d always want to but didn’t know how. Jason easily won the game.

“So the penthouse is mine?” Jason asked. Bruce nodded and shrugged. Tim softly coughed in his hand. Your heart raced. They couldn’t be serious.

“If you’ll live in it,” Bruce said. Damian was carefully carrying his girlfriend upstairs.

“Deal,” Jason says quickly.

“Deal,” Bruce said looking quiet pleased. Was this his plan all along?

“I guess, deal?” Tim said confused. “Though you should owe me. You’re the one that got me shot.”

Your brain broke. He was shot? And it was Jason’s fault?

“What?! You got him shot?” Tim’s girlfriend asked loudly. Tim blanched.

“Not my fault.”

“Literally your fault,” Tim countered.

“What did you do?” You asked looking at him suspiciously. He offered you a sheepish smile.

“I might have said ‘what are you gonna do, shoot us?’ I meant me. Not Tim! He also has a bulletproof suit,” Jason said. Tim must be a vigilante too. You glared at Jason.

“That’s not in the report,” Bruce said with his eyes narrowing.

“Good night everybody. Merry Christmas,” Jason said pulling you from the room and up to his childhood room.

“You’re in so much trouble,” you said and he grinned.

“I’ll deal with it tomorrow. How do you feel about a penthouse? Better than our current place hu?” Jason said pulling you close. You felt dizzy at the idea.

“Seriously? We can’t afford it,” you said trying to stay grounded. It was too good to be true. Things like that didn’t happen to people like you.

“I think I know a guy who can keep the lights on,” he joked and you gave him a serious look. “Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy the idea of constant hot water. Lights never going off,” Jason said pushing you towards the bed. “No one can hear me make you scream.”

“Tempting. Very tempting,” you said and of fucking course it was. A safe beautiful clean penthouse over your trashy scary apartment wasn’t even a contest. Jason pushed you on the bed and hovered over you.

“What are you doing,” you asked flushed but still encouraging him. It was still his dad’s house and he was getting handsy.

“Trying to have sex with my girlfriend on my old bed like every guy ever has dreamed of,” Jason said. He nipped at your throat. You gasped.

“Got to be quiet, Princess,” he whispered and you pulled him down to kiss more.

————————————

The next morning you woke to an empty bed. You fixed your hair as best you could and threw on Jason’s sweatshirt before going downstairs. You caught a glimpse of the kitchen as Bruce slowly slid a set of keys Jason’s way before taking a long drink from his coffee. “I’m glad you made home for Christmas this year, Jason.” The penthouse.

“Morning,” Bruce said to you nodding before leaving the room. Jason was alone in the kitchen but you could hear others in the breakfast nook a door over.

“Keys,” Jason said showing you. “And no lecture.”

You gave him a hug and looked at the shiny metal keys. It would be a while before you could handle the idea of a freaking penthouse being yours. “But you should get something for Tim. You did get him shot.”

“Let him shoot me?”

“Jason, no.”

[elriell]

Two Mates? Elriel & (El)ucien Theory.

These are just a few of my thoughts compiled together regarding having two mates, the signs and breadcrumbs Sarah has incorporated. If you know me you know am a Lucien fan so this is nothing hateful towards him and we will be looking at his place within it all as well, that being said this will have bond rejection/misalignment talk so if that is not your cup of tea I understand and you can skip this! As always I would love to hear everyones thoughts so long as we are all respectful ♡

Let's start by discussing the where the two ships align and parallel mates behaviour, and then we will discuss where their arc's veer from each other...

“TOUCH HER, SMELL HER, TASTE HER– THE INSTINCTS WERE A RUNNING RIVER.” (Lucien in ACOWAR about the mating bond.)

“Letting his scarred fingers touch her immaculate skin. Letting them brush the side of her throat, savoring the velvet-soft texture.”

“Azriel's fingers lingered at her nape, atop the first knob of her spine. Slowly, Elain pivoted into his touch. Until his palm lay flat against her neck.”

“They'd exchanged looks, the occasional brush of their fingers, but never this. Never blatant, unrestricted touching. ”

“He prayed she didn't peer down. Prayed she didn't understand the shift in his scent. ”

“Her arousal drifted up to him, and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head at the sweet scent. He'd beg on his knees for a chance to taste it. ”

“He needed to know what the skin of her neck tasted like. What those perfect lips tasted like.”

“This one moment, and maybe a taste, and that would be it.  

“Yes" Elain breathed, like she read the decision. Just this taste in the dead of the longest night of the year, where only the Mother might witness them. ”

Now you can easily parallel this to any of SJM's mates, like Feysand or Nessian. But for the sake of brevity I will leave you with the original link to the wonderful @suelky post where it was pointed out w/ Feysand quotes as well. [source]

Also "The instincts were a running river.” sounds a little like “Azriel’s Siphons guttered, the stones turning as dark and foreboding as the deepest sea."

The Bonus POV has a lot of typical "Mates" behaviours manifesting between Elain and Azriel, and it would make sense this would be a extreme POV shift as we have never been inside either of their heads before so we were bound to have a major learning curve, especially with Az who is so reserved with his emotions.

“But Lucien’s attention went right to the hallway toward the back, his nostrils flaring as he scented Elain’s direction. And who she’d gone with. A low snarl slipped out of him—”

“So you will leave Elain alone. If you need to fuck  someone, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it, but stay away from her."  Azriel snarled softly.”

There are countless main trio parallels but most of you are aware of which one is my favourite...

“Knelt on those stars and mountains inked on his knees. He would bow for no one and nothing— But his mate. His equal.”

“Her arousal drifted up to him, and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head at the sweet scent. He'd beg on his knees for a chance to taste it.”

"Every instinct in his body came roaring to the surface, so violent he had to choke them with a brutal grip or else he'd find himself on his knees, begging her for touch, for anything."

And on to where they go their separate ways from a textual perspective;

"Elain only shrank further into herself, no trace of that newfound boldness to be seen.”

“Rhys kissed the hollow of my collarbone, and my core went utterly molten. “My brave, bold, brilliant mate.”

“You can give everyone that I Will Slay My Enemies look—which is my favorite look, by the way. You can keep that sharpness I like so much, that boldness and fearlessness. I don’t want you to ever lose those things, to cage yourself.”

“And he had the nerve once his powers were back to shove me into a cage. The nerve to say I was no longer useful; I was to be cloistered for his peace of mind.”

“Remember that you are a wolf. And you cannot be caged.” He kissed my brow one more time, my blood thrumming and boiling in me, howling to draw blood.”

I think finding freedom and power from within is something that the books have emphasized through Feysand and Nessian's journey's. Which is so interesting considering Lucien and Elain are both feeling tied to each other, as if in a cage of sorts.

Elain herself has been stuffed in to a box of other peoples making throughout most of the series, it quite prevalent she might feel caged by their opinions of who she is.

"Maybe she was never given a chance to be that way." I whipped my head towards him. "You think I stifle her?" Rhys held up his hands. "Not you alone."

“Nesta had been right. It was like a prison, this place.” [Graysen's Manor]

“Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” When Nesta flinched, Elain said, “You can’t have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.”

“She ignored me, and saw Elain as barely more than a doll to dress up, but Nesta was hers. Our mother made sure we knew it. Or she just cared so little what we thought or did that she didn’t bother to hide it from us.”

And as for Lucien I think his duty and honour to her is what is caging him;

“I can’t stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes. I can’t stand to be in this court and have your mate pay for the very clothes on my back.”

“Why are you here?” Cassian asked, unable to help the sharpness. “Where’s Elain?”

“I am not always in this city to see my mate.” The last two words dripped with discomfort.”

“Why?” Not a flicker of emotion. “He is Elain’s mate.”

I waited. “It would be an invasion of her privacy to track him.”

Godbless Azriel for respecting Elain's privacy.

I think we would see/understand a lot more if we got a chance inside their heads but the one time we did see Lucien's POV we got a good glimpse at how he feels about his situation with Elain and it wasn't particularly positive and reminded me of Rhy's parents.

"She’d seen him not as a High Lord’s seventh son, but as a male. Had loved him without question, without hesitation. She had chosen him. Elain had been … thrown at him.”

“...to remember that she picked it. Picked me. That it’s not like my parents, shoved together.”

Not using the word cage per say but the implication isn't much better.

“You know them better than I do. But I will say that Lucien is loyal—fiercely so.”

“So is Azriel.”

I don't think the debate is really whether Lucien is deserving of her, or even Azriel for that matter, it is a question of who is actually right for her and vice-versa, who has she been consistently written to thrive and smile alongside. And that is Azriel.

Why does Sarah constantly put Azriel in the picture, from day DOT. She was screaming "hey look Azriel is here, and they would work magically together"

“And I think Elain—Elain would like it, too. Though she’d probably cling to Azriel, just to have some peace and quiet.” I smiled at the thought—at how handsome they would be together.”

There are several instances/evens that occur throughout the series that set both Elucien and Elriel's relationships apart, and I think it is highly intentional on Sarah's part...

“I said quietly, “We will get her back.” But Lucien was watching me warily. Too warily.”

“From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, “I’m getting her back.” Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel’s hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows. Nesta said, “Then you will die.” Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, “I’m getting her back.”

Or we can look at both Solstice's and the clear differences in how their relationships are growing, and also how well one and other know each other.

“Tell me when you knew,” he demanded, his knee pressing into mine. “That Rhysand was your mate. Tell me when you stopped loving Tamlin and started loving him instead.”

“He left the rest unspoken. Because her mate was here, sleeping a level up. Because her mate had been in the family room and Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option  of leaving if it became too much.  Elain's large brown eyes flickered, well aware of all that.”

&

“I want to see her. Just once. Just—to know.” “To know what?” He hitched my damp cloak higher around us. “If she is worth fighting for.”

“Azriel stiffened. “I know. I helped rescue Elain, after all.” Az hadn’t so much as hesitated before going into the heart of Hybern’s war-camp.”

GIFTS REFLECTING THEIR RELATIONSHIP MILE MARKS

“Az ran a hand through his dark hair. “Are we …” Unusual for him to stumble with words. “Are we supposed to get the sisters presents?”

“I handed Elain the small box with her name on it. Her smile faded as she opened it. “Enchanted gloves,” she read from the card. “That won’t tear or become too sweaty while gardening.” She set aside the box without looking at it for longer than a moment. And I wondered if she preferred to have torn and sweaty hands, if the dirt and cuts were proof of her labor. Her joy.”

“Don’t forget that gardening often results in something pretty, but it involves getting one’s hands dirty along the way.” “And torn up by thorns,” I mused,”

“I didn’t dare mention that if she had been wearing the enchanted gloves Lucien had gotten her last Solstice, nothing would have pierced them at all.”

“He and Lucien did not exchange gifts, though the male had brought a gift for Feyre and one for his mate, who barely thanked him after opening the pearl earrings. Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing."

Not only is she visibly uninterested which is painful to watch, it also highlights how little he knows about her. SJM is creating a visible gap in their dynamic.

“The golden necklace seemed ordinary -- its chain unremarkable, the amulet tiny enough that it could be dismissed as an everyday charm. It was a small, flat rose fashioned of stained glass, designed so that when held to the light, the true depth of the colors would become visible. A thing of secret, lovely beauty. “It's beautiful," she whispered, lifting it from the box. ”

“My Nesta. Elain shall wed for love and beauty, but you, my cunning little queen … You shall wed for conquest.”

“I painted flowers for Elain on her drawer,” I said, sawing and sawing. “Little roses and begonias and irises. And for Nesta … ”

“She plucked another figurine from the mantel: a rose carved from a dark sort of wood. She held it in her palm, its solid weight surprising, and traced a finger over one of the petals. “He made this one for Elain. Since it was winter and she missed the flowers.”

“Elain bit her lip and then smiled sheepishly. “It’s for the headaches everyone always gives you. Since you rub your temples so often.”

“I led her into the sitting room, where Cassian had a bottle of amber-colored liquor in each hand, Azriel was already rubbing his temples,”

“She hadn't bought her mate a present. But she'd gotten Azriel one last year -- a headache powder he kept on his nightstand at the House of Wind. Not to use, but just to look at. Which he'd done every night he’d slept there.”

“Azriel unwrapped the box, glancing at the card that merely said, You might find these useful at the House these days, and then opened the lid.  Two small, bean-shaped fabric blobs lay within. Elain murmured, "You put them in your ears, and they block any sound. With Nesta and Cassian living there with you...”

See yet again a very thoughtful and funny gift on her part. Now at it's core even just simply comparing their general reactions says a lot about the story Sarah is putting forward.

"Silence again. Then Azriel tipped his head back and laughed. I’d never heard such a sound, deep and joyous.”

“He chuckled, unable to suppress the impulse. "No wonder you didn't want me to open it in front of everyone."  

Elain’s mouth twitched into a smile. "Nesta wouldn't appreciate the joke.”

“Elain bit her lip and then smiled sheepishly."

"Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing."

“She hadn't bought her mate a present. "

The writing is nothing if not clear about the discomfort both Lucien and Elain feel in regards to each other, though they lay under different reasons.

We are given multiple incidents in which we are told about how mating bonds are not perfect and we are given clear examples of it repeatedly, about woman enduring out of obligation, and do not forget this is heavily discussed literally in regards to Elain and her circumstances.

“She’d been revealed as his mate, and endured the miserable union mostly from gratitude for her unharmed wings.”

“You said your mother and father were wrong for each other; Tamlin said his own parents were wrong for each other.” I peeled off my dressing robe. “So it can’t be a perfect system of matching. "

“She glowed with good health. Except … Her brown eyes were wary. Usually, that look was reserved for Lucien. The male was definitely in the family room,”

“Elain had already departed with Feyre, claiming she had to be up with the dawn to tend to an elderly faerie’s garden. Cassian didn’t exactly know why he suspected this wasn’t true. There had been some tightness in Elain’s face as she’d said it. Normally when she made such excuses, Lucien was around,”

“Elain, the wretch, had taken the seat between Feyre and Varian, about as far from Lucien as she could get.”

VS

“That smile grew, bright enough that it lit up even Azriel’s shadows across the room. “I would like to build a garden,” she declared. “After all of this … I think the world needs more gardens.”

“Then his gaze shifted to Elain, and though it was utterly neutral, something charged went through it. Between them. Elain’s breath caught slightly, and she gave him a shallow nod of greeting before brushing past, leading Nesta into the room.”

What if ”—I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden—“that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?”

“Can you truly fly?” He set down his fork, blinking. I might have even called him self-conscious. He said, “Yes. Cassian and I hail from a race of faeries called Illyrians. We’re born hearing the song of the wind.” “That’s very beautiful,” she said. “Is it not—frightening, though? To fly so high?”

“ I couldn’t tell if she was looking at his blue Siphon or at his scarred skin beneath as she breathed, “Beautiful.” Color bloomed high on Azriel’s golden-brown cheeks, but he inclined his head in thanks and led my sister toward the back doors into the garden, sunlight bathing them.”

“This is Truth-Teller,” he told her softly. “I won’t be using it today—so I want you to.”

“Never, Rhys said from where he finished buckling on his own weapons against the side of the wagon. I have never once seen Azriel let another person touch that knife.”

The romantic subtext is there and has been for quite some time, they prove it book after book when SJM continues to grow their bond and nurture it whilst breaking her connection with Lucien further apart, and for what reason?

“A mating bond can be rejected,” Rhys said mildly, eyes flickering in the mirror as he drank in every inch of bare skin I had on display. “There is choice. And sometimes, yes—the bond picks poorly. Sometimes, the bond is nothing more than some… preordained guesswork at who will provide the strongest offspring. At its basest level, it’s perhaps only that. Some natural function, not an indication of true, paired souls.”

“Why not make them mates?” I mused. “Why Lucien?” [...]

“I’m serious.” I turned toward him and crossed my arms. “What decides it? Who decides it?” Rhys straightened his lapels before plucking an invisible piece of lint from them. “Fate, the Mother, the Cauldron’s swirling eddies …”

“What if the Cauldron was wrong?”

“Just this taste in the dead of the longest night of the year, where only the Mother might witness them.”

“The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it's possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another.”

It is remarkably interesting to me that we are told about what Rhys suspects/believes is responsible for mating bonds, paralleled alongside Azriel questioning it all, I also think it is abundantly clear from his answer to Feyre he doesn't truly know for sure.

We also have several lines of dialogue talking about the sisters and fate, their reason for entering the IC's life. Not only that but we get a glimpse at Azriel's personality and how despite the world (Rhys and the mating bond in general) telling him to despair, he still found it in him to have hope the Cauldron could be wrong.

This is so significant, and she has carefully woven his character throughout the series to make this incredibly plausible.

“If I had not met a shadowsinger, I would not have known that it is the family you make, not the one you are born into, that matters. I would not have known what it is to truly hope, even when the world tells you to despair.”

“And then he said to my sisters, “We have not known each other for long. But I have to believe that you were brought here, into our family, for a reason, too. And maybe today we’ll find out why.”

“All three sisters blessed by fate and gifted with powers to match your own.”

“Even after the bond is rejected, they see her as belonging to them. Sometimes they return to challenge the male she chooses for herself. Sometimes it ends in death. It is savage, and it is ugly, and it mercifully does not happen often, but …”

“Oh, I can, and I will. If Lucien finds out you're pursuing her, he has every right to defend their bond as he sees fit. Including invoking the Blood Duel.”

As you can see even back in ACOWAR she was weaving the web for Elriel's journey and an upcoming Blood Duel/The threat of one.

“Many mated pairs will try to make it work, believing the Cauldron selected them for a reason. Only years later will they realize that perhaps the pairing was not ideal in spirit.”

I think it is pretty clear from all the quotes above that Lucien is no her ideal spirit and vice-versa to be frank when you put it side by side his budding relationship with Vassa or hers with Azriel they are clearly very different.

“On the continent, there are territories that believe the females literally belong to their mate. But not here. Elain would have our full protection if she rejects the bond.”

“Azriel's hand slid up her neck, burying in her thick hair. Tilting her face the way he wanted it. Elain's mouth parted slightly, her eyes scanning his before fluttering shut.  Offer and permission.  He nearly groaned with relief and need as he lowered his head toward hers. ”

Elain is choosing Azriel, choosing their bond over the one assigned to her time and time again... Back to mating bonds;

“The ancient healer jerked her chin toward Lucien. “See what he can do. If anyone can sense if something is amiss, it’s a mate.”

“The mating bond. It is a bridge between souls.”

"She pointed at Lucien as she saw herself out. “Try sitting down with her. Just talking—sensing. See what you pick up. But don’t push.”

“Can you hear mine?” He wasn’t sure if she truly meant to address him, but he said, “No, lady. I cannot.”

Her too-thin shoulders seemed to curve inward. “No one ever does. No one ever looked—not really.”

"Azriel’s hazel eyes churned as he studied my sister, her too-thin body. And without a word, he winnowed away. Mor watched the space where he’d been standing long after he was gone.”

“Should we—does she need …?” “She doesn’t need anything,” Azriel answered without so much as looking at Lucien.

Elain was staring at the spymaster now—unblinkingly. “We’re the ones who need …” Azriel trailed off. “A seer,” he said, more to himself than us. “The Cauldron made you a seer.”

“It made sense, I supposed, that Azriel alone had listened to her. The male who heard things others could not … Perhaps he, too, had suffered as Elain had before he understood what gift he possessed.”

“But Azriel nodded. “You knew,” he said to Elain. “About the young queen turning into a crone.” Elain blinked and blinked, eyes clearing again. As if the understanding, our understanding … it freed her from whatever murky realm she’d been in.”

Are you telling me that Madja saying a mate would know, would sense whatever is going on with her, and as it turns out Azriel was the one to sense and uncover it is solely what, a coincidence? Also to emphasize what she said about "A bridge between souls..." Where else have we heard that terminology? The Truth-Teller scene.

“I saw the painting in my mind: the lovely fawn, blooming spring vibrant behind her. Standing before Death, shadows and terrors lurking over his shoulder. Light and dark, the space between their bodies a blend of the two. The only bridge of connection … that knife.”

Not to mention this scene is simply iconic for a multitude of reasons, how poetic Feyre describes them, the clear soulmates/ying-yang subtext and him giving her something he has given no other but that's another story.

Azriel has also been displaying some very protective fiercely so mating vibes towards her,

“Azriel stilled. “What happened to Elain?” Cassian waved a hand. “A fight with Nesta. Don’t bring it up,” he warned when Azriel’s eyes darkened. ”

“Cassian surveyed the shadows gathered around Az. “You all right?” His brother nodded. “Fine.” But shadows still swarmed him.”

“Nesta saw the blow land, like a physical impact, in Elain’s face, her posture. No one spoke, though shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike.”

“Azriel’s Siphons guttered, the stones turning as dark and foreboding as the deepest sea. “Where did Lucien go.”

I think there are some mixed opinions on Lucien and whether he deserves her (and vice-versa in this fandom) but I don't think that is what this comes down too, they are both handling it in the way they think best/following their instincts.

Lucien is hurting throughout this process as well, but I think ultimately it is honor and loyalty binding him to her not any genuine emotion for her as a human being fae. I think realising they are not meant for each other and supporting each other developing true bonds with other people will be their journey. And it would be a completely fresh and new view of a mating bond.

Smaller pieces of dialogue that need little explaining and a rather oddly specific choice of words in the latest book that is meant to set up the next one in the series:

“You’d know if she’d died,” Azriel said, pausing his work and looking up at Cassian. He tapped his brother’s chest with a scarred hand. “Right here—you’d know, Cass.”

“Elain and Feyre—that was the new status of things. The bond Elain had chosen.”

"I'd never do such a thing. you must be thinking of your other mate."

Honestly? At this rate I have no doubt Elriel are endgame and everything within canon text spells that out but I truly believe he will be her second mate/the will form a bond via some circumstance that shall arise due to these little hints.

I would love to hear your thoughts and/or additions because I by all means didn't do a massive deep dive and there are most likely tons more examples to add but I didn't want it to become overwhelming to read!

Hope everyone has a spectacular and magical evening <3

[pineapple-lover-boy]

Can- can I just talk about the Victuuri relationship? Pretty please?

I just…. I’ve never seen a healthy relationship that starts from idolization and a need to get out that has ended in a satisfying way.

Let me elaborate:

We all know that Yuri idolized Victor. It’s why he was so nervous in the beginning and why it took time for them to build on their relationship, he saw Victor as a god.

Victor? He was depressed. He loved the ice so much but he longer found excitement in competitions. He didn’t have any worthy opponents that had a chance of beating him (sorry Chris).

I believe Victor “fell in love” at the banquet. He was attracted to Yuri but, even though he lost, he also saw potential in him. That night was probably the most exciting night for him in a long time. I think he felt genuine affection for Yuri but also saw a way to get out of his predicament.

Then, of course, Yuri didn’t show up the following season (a year had passed before the present timeline). He was most likely annoyed that someone who had gave him excitement didn’t show up. Did he think Yuri had a chance of beating him at first? Probably not. Did he see potential or at least someone he could have fun with during the season? Hell yes!

And then when he saw the video of Yuri skating Stay Close To Me, something that awarded him a gold medal. That’s all he needed. He saw how Yuri not only skated it perfectly but I bet he thought Yuri skated it better. Let’s not forget that emotion is a huge part of skating. If you don’t skate with the passion your supposed to hold for whatever theme you have, your performance can almost seem futile. Victor obviously won because he perfected it but if it was based on how he presented it alone, he would’ve lost. He saw someone worthy of skating an gold medal piece while also having the heart to do it. That’s talent.

Anyways, because of this, their relationship doesn’t hold well in the beginning. He’s passive aggressive towards Yuri because he doesn’t see his own talent and Yuri is just going along for the ride because holy shit it’s Victor fucking Nikiforov.

As they get to know each other and Yuri opens up more (plus Victor getting info on Yuri from the others) Victor starts to see Yuri as an actual person and not someone he can use to project himself onto and then later skate against. And Yuri starts to see him as an actual person too.

I saw on another post talking about how we didn’t see them during the summer and how the end credits of every episode suggest they got to know each other better as both in the credits and in the show they (Yuri) are able to touch each other more. I 100% believe this.

I also believe they might’ve had an argument or two on this topic. It’s not easy to switch from inadvertently seeing someone as anything but a person to an actual person with emotions and feelings. I believe Victor would’ve tried to back away from this subject but Yuri wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t big arguments like in episode 7. It was probably little quarrels that annoyed them both but after having a long conversation they finally started to become more comfortable with each other.

Yuri started letting go of the notion that Victor was a god like creature and Victor saw him as something other than a pawn. Yuri stopped getting as embarrassed with Victor touching him and Victor stopped trying to seduce him as much just so he could see the man from the banquet.

This most definitely leads the way towards a healthier relationship but episode 7 was inevitable. Yuri’s anxiety was at an all time high when he comes out on top. The fact that he needs to stay on top and not mess up is getting to him. As a person with anxiety, it’s pure hell. The thoughts of failing won’t get out of his head and even as he turns off all the monitors he can still hear everything.

Victor takes him away from prying eyes and has no idea what to do. Despite an obvious change that would’ve had to include some emotions from both occurring over the summer, he still has no idea how to help someone in distress.

Then he makes his first mistake. Yuri is visibly shaken by someone’s scores (can’t remember who) and Victor, who is at his wits end, yells at him to stop listening and puts his hands over Yuri’s ears. This tells Yuri how nervous Victor is too and despite knowing that Victor wouldn’t leave him now it shows to him that Victor doesn’t have faith in him (even if he does).

Victor tried to shatter Yuri’s heart. He must’ve expected Yuri to maybe sign heavily but tell him that he’ll do everything in his power to win (probably something that’s happened with him and Yakov). Instead he see’s the consequences of his carelessness. Yuri rightfully lashes out at him and even through all that Victor stills says “should I kiss you?”. Idk what Yuri was thinking but if I were him I would be extremely offended that Victor would try and use me like some doll he can play with and can assume that physical affection and love can fix everything, which was probably what Yuri was thinking.

There’s something off about Yuri and Victor when they emerge but Yuri is surprisingly better now. Cathartic crying can do wonders, kids. There’s also my favorite part of the entire show (couldn’t find a gif):

*head jab* “Hey, fuck you.”

*more head jabs* “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I know you don’t like this you unempathetic dicknip.”

*head pat* “You’re forgiven.”

We all know what happens next: Yuri ends his love story with Victor’s signature move and Victor kisses him out of joy and the need to one up him (with love, of course).

I’m gonna get a little sloppy here with the timeline because I have the memory of a female protagonist that needs to go back to work to get something only to accidentally bump into the jerk CEO of which she will develop a toxic relationship for fan service, so forgive me.

Gonna skip ahead to the scene where Yuri tells Victor that he’s leaving skating, and basically Victor too. (At this moment I realized I’ve been spelling Viktor with a c and not a k which is really fucking with my brain but it’s too late to go back). Victor starts crying and realizes just how Yuri felt when he was rejecting him.

I believe Yuri found some light in the situation because of that fact, which Victor was not having. They’ve been closer than ever now. They’ve kissed, they’ve also announced they they’re getting married, so what the hell?!

Yuri, as we know, feels he’s keeping Victor from the ice. Victor, while he misses the ice and wouldn’t mind being competitive again, has found meaning and if he’s going to be Yuri’s coach to stay where he is than so be it.

He wanted to coach Yuri because he wanted a worthy competitor and while he still wants that, what matters most now is his relationship with Yuri. If he stops being Yuri’s coach and Yuri goes off the ice he knows it will be the end. Yuri loves the ice too and I’d bet he’d try to distance himself from Victor as to not feel regret from leaving without actually knowing that he’s doing it.

They’ve grown so much at this point. But that doesn’t mean it’s over. After all they’ve been through Yuri doesn’t realize that consequences of parting from one another. While being too dependent on your spouse isn’t good, it’s what they both need right now. They are what caused the other person to be happy again and while I hate those types of storylines this one executed it perfectly.

I find Victor’s silent plea to Yurio absolutely heartbreaking. He knows it’s bad to put pressure on people but now he’s doing that to a 15 year old boy. He’s putting his relationship and his life into this child’s hands because he knows there’s nothing else he can do.

I do think Yurio had a crush on Yuri but even if he didn’t: Yuri has taught him so much. He, although being an ass most of the time, has really come to love Yuri as family. It’s clear that Yurio was always lonely (Otabek being his first friend and all) but once he came to Japan and lived, truly lived there, he wasn’t lonely anymore.

Yurio wins, Yuri gets silver and all’s well that ends well.

I guess my point of this was to show how well the relationship in YOI was. I could’ve included some more detail on some points but I usually write stuff in one take (it’s very hard to revise without my mind shutting on itself).

I just love how an implicitly toxic relationship can come out so healthy. They don’t do any of that miscommunication bullshit and when they do it’s because the characters don’t know what to do or how to handle something. Like humans do!

They could’ve easily made this the hot famous guy thinks the kawai girl boy is just so adorable and the kawai girl boy is absolutely infatuated with the hot guy. Hijinks ensue which includes the kawai girl boy thinking the hot guy is in love with someone else. She He gets pushed into thinking that she’s he’s more independent in the end and happily ever after for the couple that will divorce in less than five years! Yay!

Seriously, I thought that was what was going to happen but YOI subverted my expectations so much. They are people that grew from their bad mindsets. And you know what? Yuri still has anxiety! Victor is still bad with handling emotions! And that’s ok! We don’t change that quickly. It takes time and hopefully another season.

I’m definitely using this show as a template for healthy relationships. It’s so hard for me to properly write them when I’ve never been in one and I’m not given the chance to see it happen in different environments (when searching it up all I get is “they trust each other. They blame each other. They’re compassionate.” Like ok but can you show me how?)

Yuri!!! On ice…. I love you so much. You have done so much for my mental health and my writing. Thank you.

[emerald-chaos]

Insomnia

*gif not made by me, credit goes to the owner*

Hi Everyone! So it's been probably like...10 years since I wrote my last fic lol. Watching TFATWS has rekindled my undying love for Bucky Barnes and I just couldn't help but start writing again. I had to get my feelings out! I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I've been considering writing some more parts...so tell me if that's something you'd be interested in! I appreciate any and all constructive feedback or just feedback in general! Much love.

Pairing: Reader x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 2533 (lowkey popped off...oops)

Warnings: Just in case...vague allusions to a dark past, struggles with mental illness, explicit language, and some suggestive conversation. Oh and some really bad jokes lol. Fluffy and angsty.

No matter how much you tossed and turned, how many sheep you counted, or how much you prayed and pleaded to any higher power that would listen – the release of sleep just wasn’t going to happen. You’re not sure why you were surprised, it’s not like this was the first time. You let out a heavy sigh and toss off the covers. This has been a nightly occurrence for as long as you can remember. When you were trying to rest, when there was no noise to block out the images in your head, it was a battle. A battle which you have always lost.

You flip on the bright florescent lights of the bathroom as you trudge in, dragging your feet in exhaustion. It takes a minute for your eyes to adjust to the harshness of the light as you place your hands onto the countertop. The cool marble feels good against your palms as you close your eyes and lean your head back, another sigh leaving your lips. You twist your neck from side to side, trying to release some tension and maybe get a satisfying pop. No such luck. As you open your eyes and gaze upon the person staring back at you a small laugh tumbles from your chest.

Jesus, she looks awful.

The dark circles that permanently reside below your eyes appear more pronounced than usual. The corners of your mouth hang low and you just look…tired. Like you were rode hard and put away wet.

The bottle of melatonin tucked away on your counter catches your eye. You pick it up and twirl it as you inspect the writing. “Sleep Support” you read, “may help promote restful sleep”. What a load of shit. You place the bottle back down and inspect the orange one next to it. The pills inside were about as useful as the melatonin. Nothing seemed to quiet the voices or stop the scenarios that plagued your mind. You splash some cold water on your face and grab for a towel to pat it dry. Your eyes drift to the mirror again, as if though the water was going to wash away the dead look in your eyes.

Yeah, fat chance.

Before you know it, your legs are carrying you through the compound. The only sounds present are the whirring of various appliances and the soft patter of your feet against the tile floors. The moonlight casts shadows over the various pieces of furniture and lights your path. Your fingers curl around the handle as you pull the sliding glass door open. The crisp outside air kisses your skin as you step out and close the door behind you. You find yourself settling down in your usual spot on the balcony and you sink into the comfort of the chair.

Many a sleepless night has been spent out here, admiring the way the moonlight gleams off of a nearby pond. Before the compound and the balcony, it was a fire escape and a bottle of bourbon. You kind of missed that coping mechanism a little bit. You were thankful, of course, to call this place your home. Thankful to feel safe for once. Thankful to be a part of a team that felt like more of a family than any sorry piece of shit who had been in your life before. Not that you were bitter about that or anything. A little baggage builds character. However, life hasn’t always been kind to you and your stupid brain had a cruel way of constantly reminding you of that fact.

In all honesty, Tony rescued you. You absolutely hated to allow him to relish in that fact, but it was true. He took a chance on a royally fucked up kid out of college who managed to skate by and earn a mechanical engineering degree. If you were to ask him, he would say it was because the first words you said to him were fuck off. Apparently, something about that translated to, “hey, I would be a great addition to your tech and development team”. Although, you were pretty sure you just really meant that he should fuck off. I mean, the guy’s reputation does have a bit of moral gray area to it. Somehow, some way, your tenacity made an impression on the billionaire. Now here you were - living at the Avenger’s compound, sitting on a balcony at 3:30 in the morning because you couldn’t turn your brain off long enough to find some peace and sleep. What a life.

Even as you were sitting here in your special spot, reminiscing about some actual good memories – your brain still tried to drift into the darkness. Glass breaking; voices, thick with hate, engaged in a screaming match, and the cold nights spent trying to find a safe space to eat and lay your head. Your fingers gripped into the arms of the chair as you felt the heaviness in your chest increase.

“God damn it,” you cursed through gritted teeth.

The panic attacks were a second nature at this point, but you still really hated when you lost control. Your eyes closed tight as you tried to rack your brain to remember the bullshit your therapist had told you earlier in the week. Something about 5 things you can see?

“We gotta stop meeting like this, Doll”

The voice ripped you from inside your mind and back to reality. Your eyes opened and were met with a beautiful pair of cerulean ones. You blamed the skip in your heartbeat on your fading panic attack - although, you knew better than that.

“Well, it seems to me that the only logical conclusion is that you’re stalking me, Barnes” you quipped as a grin spread across your face.

“Could say the same about you,” Bucky retorted as he sank into the chair beside you, “besides, been doin’ this a lot longer than you’ve been around”.

You rolled your eyes, but the super soldier had a point. Almost each and every time, aside from the ones that happened when the team was away, you two would meet like this – here on the balcony, both searching for something to replace the sleep that neither of you could find.

“Yeah, we get it, you’re old” a laugh fell from your lips as Bucky snorted at your remark, a grin remaining ever present on his lips.

The familiar silence took over as he leaned his head back against the chair, closing his eyes. Meanwhile, yours were hungrily taking him in - tracing over the stubble on his chin, the soft pinkness of his parted lips. Recently he’d gotten his hair cut and even though you much preferred the long hair, you would rather die than actually admit that to him. Your crush on the 106 year old grumpy ass was one of your best kept secrets. At least, you thought you’d kept it from being painfully obvious.

The man sitting before you, he had a tough exterior and a horrific history, but you knew him better than that. You knew about the way his nose scrunched up when you made him laugh and the way his eyes looked as he listened intently to every story you ever told him. You knew the sweet melody of his laugh and the far off stare that meant he was also held captive by his own thoughts. This late-night rendezvous had become somewhat of a routine for the two of you and you would be lying if you said it wasn’t your favorite part of the day.

The first time it was a short nod and typical white person, thin-lipped smile as you left to find a different spot to suffer alone. Shortly after, it developed into cohabiting the balcony – staying on your own separate sides of course, only occasionally sharing words. Then, before you knew it, the two of you would be sitting beside each other, shooting the shit like you’d known each other for years. Just two, incredibly fucked up individuals, trying to make each other feel a little more human.

Bucky had always given off the quiet, brooding energy. Typically he kept to himself, other than with close friends like Steve, choosing to stand in the corner and listen to the conversation rather than be a part of it. Occasionally he would give a quip during a meeting that would catch people off guard, but mostly he just sat there and stared. The Bucky you had come to know was nothing like the person that others wanted to make him out to be. Sure, at one point he was a masterful assassin who killed like he got pleasure from it – but that wasn’t him. The Winter Soldier and Bucky Barnes were not synonymous.

If only the world could meet Bucky at 3am.

“What’s going on in that empty head of yours over there?” Bucky’s voice once again brought you back to reality as you laid your eyes on the familiar grin plastered across his face.

“Please,” you huffed, cheeks tinted a light shade of pink at the thought of him catching you staring, “which one of us has a college degree again?”

His laugh was a symphony to your ears. Your smile mirrored his when he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at you.

“So, what is it tonight? That nightmare again?” he asked, voice dropping an octave as his facial features softened in a way you really hoped only you got to see.

“Mm, not quite” you responded, your voice a broken whisper.

Bucky wasn’t the type to pry, but with you he wouldn’t even have to. Talking to him, sharing your deepest secrets and fears, telling him about the nightmares that kept you awake at night – it all came easily. Too easily.

“This week it’s...it’s that image of my stupid mother. Standing there with her black eyes and busted lip, telling me that it was me that was the problem. That it was me who...” you swallowed hard, the heaviness creeping back into your chest and tears fighting to wet your eyes. God you hated that you let this get the best of you.

Just as your mind started to bring you back to that dark place it was interrupted by the feeling of warmth spreading over your body. You looked down to see Bucky’s large hand resting right above your knee. When your eyes met again, he gave you a soft look that made your heart scream.

“I’m sorry,” you could tell he meant it as he gave your knee a soft squeeze.

A small smile flashed over your face and you had to resist the urge to reach out and cup his soft, stubbled cheek in your hand.

“Hey, we’re all a little fucked up, right?” you joked.

“Some more than others,” he replied, those beautiful wrinkles appearing around his nose as he scrunched it up with another laugh.

“Thanks, Buck... I’m sure you’d rather be doing anything other than listening to my sob story,” you reluctantly broke eye contact and looked down at the hem of your shirt as you fiddled with it in your fingers.

You were all too aware at the loss of contact as Bucky drew his hand back and leaned back into his chair.

“Doll,” he started as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes again - you could swear you almost saw a grin on his lips, “there are very few things I’d rather do than sit with you on the balcony at 3am”.

At that moment it felt as though time stood still. Sure, you had flirtatious banter back and forth occasionally and made a habit out of spilling your deepest regrets to each other during the wee hours of the morning, but this felt different. This felt like a confession.

You’d be lying to yourself if you tried to convince yourself, or anyone else for that matter, that you didn’t have a thing for him. I mean - who wouldn’t? The guy was a gentleman; he was soft spoken and caring, he was a dork who loved to crack jokes at the most inappropriate times, the type of person who would give you the shirt off of his own back if it meant you were taken care of.

He....well, he was Bucky.

And god damn it if you didn’t love him.

You’re unsure of how much time has passed, but one minute you’re sitting on your chair, chewing your lip and droning on about the man in front of you in your head. The next minute you found yourself on his lap, knees seated on either side of his waist as your legs straddle him and your hands connect with the skin they so desperately craved to feel. Bucky’s eyes opened slowly and met yours as you let the pad of your thumb gently run along the curve of his bottom lip. The uneven breaths leaving your chest hitched as you felt his hands grip your hips softly. Refusing to break eye contact, Bucky gently pressed a kiss to the pad of your thumb. You dragged his lower lip down briefly.

“Well,” he began. His voice was barely above a whisper but it’s thick, lustful tone made you shiver from head to...well, you know, “are you gonna kiss me, Doll? Or do I have to do all the work myself?”

He barely finished his sentence before your lips captured his. It was messy, almost all teeth and tongue. It was needy, as if it was the last time either of you would ever kiss anyone again. It was fucking incredible.

Bucky’s metal arm snaked up your back and found its way into your hair, curling his fingers gently around the strands at the back of your head, as his other arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer to his form. He was intoxicating. This whole situation was something you had briefly imagined months ago, but ultimately pushed out of your mind. There was no way that he would ever be interested in someone like you. Yet, here he was, tongue fighting for entrance into your mouth.

You aren’t quite sure who pulled away first. Both of you were gasping for air, chests heaving up and down as you both stared into each other's lust-blown pupils.

“You kiss pretty well for someone who hasn’t had a girlfriend since 1940,” you teased, laughing as he rolls his eyes at the comment.

“You just don’t know when to shut that mouth of yours, do ya?” he practically growled, ever so slightly tightening his grip on your waist, and you almost lost it from just the sound of his voice alone.

“Why don’t you make me, Barnes?” you leaned in close, warm breath fanning over the shell of his ear.

A yelp escaped your throat as you were suddenly jerked up to a standing position, locking your ankles behind his back as he effortlessly held you up by your thighs.

“Oh Doll,” he chuckled darkly into your neck, almost making you pass out from the sensation, “I thought you’d never ask”.

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-One

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: as someone who is physically incapable of reading fics and other long tumblr posts line by line and word for word, i think it’s so fucking cool that a bunch of you regularly, excitedly read what i post. i would not blame you at all for skim reading. thank you.

***

The majority of Cassian’s life was spent battling with the fact of his own existence. First he was fatherless, then motherless, then homeless. Being taken in by Rhys’s parents, who bought him nice clothes and nicer gifts, was like putting a bandaid over a stab wound. It couldn’t change the questions that made up Cassian at his core: was he equal to everyone else in this world, or had he been born inherently inferior? Did he deserve the same happinesses that his friends so carelessly reaped, or should he step back and know his place?

The older he grew, the more he grappled with those questions—until the night he learned who his father was, and the truth behind his existence. That he was likely a product of rape. Nearly driving himself drunk off a mountainside in Monte Carlo was enough to make him realize with a startling clarity: he couldn’t keep asking himself the same questions for the rest of his life. At some point, he was going to have to buck the fuck up and make his peace with the world, whether he believed he deserved to be in it or not. And though it might have taken him a while to reach that conclusion, Cassian can proudly say he did it. Not long into his post-college years, Cassian finally grew up.

By twenty-seven, he was secure enough in himself and his place in the world to not have to deal with those doubtful voices every waking minute. His life was figured out, and his ego was unshakeable. Until Nesta Archeron entered the story.

Now at twenty-eight, Cassian is again unsecured—this time in a less tragic but more confusing way. Because everything he thinks he knows about himself, about life, she insists on proving wrong.

Including the issue of celebrating his birthday.

“I feel like I should have asked this earlier,” Cassian mutters to Nesta as they stand in the cozy resort lobby, “but why is Az here?”

Nesta looks both humiliated and resigned when she mutters back, “He wouldn’t pay for the resort unless I let him come with us.”

“At that point you should’ve just let me pay, babe.” He watches Azriel’s back as he chats up the lady at the front desk while getting their room keys.

“On your own birthday? It would have ruined the point,” Nesta says.

Cassian doesn’t retort that having his brother present at their couple’s retreat also ruins the point. He’s sure she already knows.

Nesta’s reaction when Cassian told her that he didn’t celebrate his birthday was unforgettable.

“No one in our inner circle really cares about birthdays,” he had shrugged. “Feyre’s birthday is the exception because she’s sort of the outsider, and Rhys will find any excuse to worship at her feet. But the rest of us? I don’t know, it was never a big deal.”

As someone who’s never skipped a birthday once in her life, even when she was isolated and ignoring her family’s phone calls, Nesta took this as a personal offense. “I need to get you out of this cabin,” she stated.

Which brings them here, to Colorado’s finest ski resort situated high in the Rocky Mountains. The lobby is littered with overstuffed armchairs and a crackling fireplace, and huge windows look out over the blinding white mountains.

Az starts heading their way, key cards in hand, when Cassian suddenly turns to Nesta. “We need to find him a woman,” he whispers.

“What?”

“We can’t let him third wheel with us for the whole weekend. We’ll never get time alone.” Cassian is set on this new plan, already scanning the lobby for women around Azriel’s age.

“I agree, but—”

Azriel reaches the two of them, tossing a room card to Nesta. “You can stop talking about me now. I’ll be spending most of my time hitting the slopes.”

Cassian and Nesta mumble a halfhearted, “We weren’t talking about you.”

He narrows his eyes at them. “Uh-huh. Just remember whose credit card this is going on.” Picking up his ski gear and duffel bag, he turns for the elevator.

Nesta frowns up at Cassian once Az is gone, more adorably than she probably intends. “Do you think he’s upset?”

He scoffs. “We should be upset at him.” He doesn’t want to have to worry about his brother while he’s on vacation, and Az definitely wouldn’t want him to worry either, but it isn’t something that can be helped.

Despite his irritation, he might go skiing with Az later this afternoon. Just to keep him company.

***

Nesta will give it to Azriel—he’s a man of fine taste, and also generous with his spending. She originally wanted a normal room for her and Cassian, preferably the cheapest one, but Az went behind her back and upgraded them to a fully decked out penthouse suite.

“This is too much for just a weekend,” she tells him over the phone while Cassian is in the bathroom. “How am I supposed to pay you back for this?”

“Why would you pay me back?” he says dismissively. “I’m rich.”

When Nesta tries arguing with him, he only replies, “I don’t take money from poor people,” and hangs up on her.

Which leaves Nesta to enjoy the four-spray shower and heated bathroom tiles free of charge. By the time she comes out of the shower, Cassian has already left with Azriel to hit some slopes before dinner, though not before leaving her a note promising to teach her how to ski tomorrow.

Nesta doesn’t even get to unwrap her towel from her body before realizing her phone is ringing incessantly, all the way from the other side of the suite. Jogging over to the living area, Nesta answers Emerie’s call. “What’s up?”

“Where are you?” Emerie greets without introduction.

“At the ski lodge?” Nesta answers, confused. “I already told you, for Cassian’s birthday.”

“I know that,” Emerie hisses. “I mean what room are you in? This place is huge.”

“Wait—you’re here?” Nesta looks quickly around herself, as if Emerie will pop up from behind the couch.

“Not just me. So is Gwyn.” Nesta hears rustling on the other side of the line, and then Emerie saying from a distance, “Answer for your crimes, Gwyneth. Say hi.”

A new, clearer voice comes over the phone. “Hiii, Nesta.” Gwyn sounds weak, like she is not having fun at all.

“What the hell do you two think you’re doing?” Nesta demands.

“Well, it’s a long story and I need to see you first. Also, I have to pee. Where is your room?”

Five minutes later, Gwyn and Emerie are sitting obediently before the roaring fireplace in Nesta and Cassian’s suite.

Now fully dressed, Nesta stabs a finger at Emerie. “Explain.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Emerie says indignantly. “Gwyn barged into my place at eight in the morning and dragged me all the way here—”

“It was an emergency!” Gwyn tosses her hands in the air. “It still is an emergency. That’s why we’re here.”

“I’m here because Gwyn is scared of traveling alone,” Emerie interjects. “And driving on highways.”

“Guys!” Nesta snaps.

Gwyn makes a whining sound of defeat and drops her head into her hands. After a long moment, she speaks. “He asked if we could go to dinner together. Like, right to my face. And I panicked and said yes, because I couldn’t think of a reason to say no, but obviously I can’t do that. So this morning I cashed in my sick days and told him I was going on vacation for a whole week.” Gwyn looks up at Nesta with pleading teal eyes. “Please can we stay here the whole week?”

Nesta stares at Gwyn, feeling like her brain was just sucked dry. “First of all, who’s ‘he’?”

“Max!” She stands in her outburst. “The love of my life. The man who works on the fourth floor of the library. Do you pay attention to the groupchat at all?”

Oh yeah, that guy. “You came all the way here,” Nesta drawls out slowly, “so you wouldn’t have to have dinner with your crush?”

“It wasn’t just any dinner.” Gwyn flops back onto the couch. “It was a date. I can’t go on a date with him. First dates lead to second dates, and second dates lead to—sex.” She whispers the last word.

“Really?” Emerie frowns, not missing a beat at the mention of Gwyn’s deepest fear. “What kind of dates have you been having?”

“I haven’t been having any dates,” Gwyn says. “Why, how long do you usually see someone before doing it?”

“First date, at most,” Emerie shrugs.

“No,” Nesta steps in, sending Emerie a bewildered look. “Gwyn, you’ve known this guy for a while now. If he’s half as decent as you think he is, he won’t expect sex by the second date. And even if he does—”

“What does it matter?” Gwyn wails. “It’ll come up eventually. And when it does, he’ll think I’m a freak.”

“He won’t get a chance to think anything before I kill him,” Emerie says, eyes darkening.

Nesta says nothing, knowing this is something she can’t advise Gwyn about. Whether or not Gwyn chooses to share her past and unresolved trauma with another man, and whether or not that man reacts in an unshitty way isn’t something Nesta can determine. So she just states for the record, “You’re not a freak.”

“But it’s what he’ll think.”

“Then you shouldn’t be with him in the first place,” Nesta says firmly. Even though she knows better than anyone that it isn’t always that simple.

Proving her point, Gwyn scoffs and looks away. “You don’t get it.”

“What I really don’t get,” Nesta says, “is why you took your lie so literally. Why did you come all the way out here instead of hiding out at home for the week?”

“Merrill sees and knows everything. I can’t lie to her.” Gwyn cringes. “If I stayed at home, she would sniff me out as soon as she got me on the phone, and then I’d really be screwed.”

Nesta cocks her head at Gwyn, squinting her eyes in something akin to fascination.

“I had the same reaction,” Emerie pipes up. She shakes her head at Gwyn. “I’ve never met a more melodramatic idiot, truly.”

Gwyn curls into herself on the couch, looking ashamed.

Nesta sighs sharply, then whips out a hand. “Give me your wallets. I’ll go downstairs right now and see if I can book a room last minute.”

Emerie sits up at that. “Uh… I’m not sure I can afford a place like this.”

“Neither can I,” Nesta says. “That’s why Azriel paid for all of us.”

Gwyn’s eyes go comically round. “Azriel’s here?”

“Unfortunately.” She snaps her fingers at both girls. “Credit or debit, now.”

“So… I’m assuming we can’t just share this huge suite with you guys, huh?” Gwyn says hesitantly.

There might be actual flames in Nesta’s eyes. This is Cassian’s birthday, goddammit. Cassian, who hasn’t celebrated a birthday since he was eleven. “Please don’t push me.”

Gwyn and Emerie, very reluctantly, hand their cards over to Nesta. Emerie hands over two, just in case.

In the end, Nesta doesn’t use any of their money, but charges the new room to her own account. She’ll work it off by putting extra hours into Night Court, she tells herself.

When she returns to the penthouse suite, she spies tracks outlined in melted snow at the doorway. Shit. She barges inside to find Cassian and Azriel standing in the middle of the living area, with Emerie looking awkward on the couch.

“Uh, we just got back—” Cassian starts.

“I can explain,” Nesta interrupts.

A faucet turns off in the distance, and Gwyn peeks her head out of the bathroom door.

“Oh, shit,” Azriel says in delight. “Freckles is here too?”

Gwyn looks like she’s about to turn right back around to the bathroom. Nesta and Cassian both throw Az a baffled look, but Nesta says, “I can fix this. I’ve already fixed it.” She goes over to Emerie and hands her a key card. “You and Gwyn are going to stay on the first floor, and you won’t bother me or Cassian for the duration of our stay. It’ll be like you’re not even here.” She whips toward Gwyn, who still hovers near the bathroom doorway. “And at the end of this weekend, you’re going back to work like the adult you are and taking care of your shit.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Gwyn says quietly, lowering her head.

Cassian comes over to Nesta, whispering, “So, you didn’t invite them to keep Az company or anything, right?”

“I can hear you,” Azriel says.

“Of course not,” Nesta whispers back. “That’s a terrible idea.”

“Really? Because I thought it was kind of convenient—”

“I can still hear you,” Az repeats.

“So can I,” Emerie nods.

“Shut up,” Nesta hisses at the both of them. Grabbing Cassian’s still-gloved hand, she drags him upstairs and away to their bedroom. When the door shuts behind them, she turns to him and blurts, “I’m so sorry.”

Cassian only laughs, taking his ski jacket off and brushing away the wet snow from the back. “I’m not.” He tosses his jacket and gloves over a chair and approaches Nesta, tugging her closer by her oversized turtleneck. “And what did I tell you about wasting your apologies?”

Nesta doesn’t care. “I ruined your birthday.”

“My birthday’s not until tomorrow,” he says with a straight face. “But honestly, I like this a lot more than just you, me, and Az. At least he can’t third wheel anymore, right?”

She shakes her head insistently, frustration boiling in her blood. “Everything’s going wrong.”

“But you solved our problems.” He finds Nesta’s clenched fists and unfurls them with gentle hands. “You got the girls their own room, and now Az can be distracted with those two. We can still be alone. We win.”

Nesta purses her lips, unconvinced, when Cassian adds, “But seriously, though—what the fuck are they doing here?”

She exhales deeply, letting her head drop forward onto Cassian’s chest. “I don’t know,” she mutters. “Gwyn panicked about some personal stuff and thought it was a good idea to come to me. I don’t want to make her leave, though.” Gwyn is being stupid right now, without a doubt, but Nesta won’t abandon her. Neither will Emerie.

God, having friends sucks.

Cassian threads a hand through her loose hair and hums. “Gwyn was smart for coming to you.”

***

Dinner is held outside in the snow and cold, but everyone bundles up and sits down at a table that surrounds one of the multiple fire pits in the courtyard. Cassian convinced Nesta to let Gwyn and Emerie hang out with them for the weekend, because what else are those poor girls supposed to do, and now the women babble over each other as they decide what to drink.

Cassian sits back and takes it in, the sight feeling heartwarmingly familiar and strangely brand new at the same time. Nesta ends up being the one to order everybody’s drinks, and once the waiter scampers back inside, Gwyn releases a terse breath. “Sometimes I still get scared of that tone.”

“I’m always scared of it,” Az mutters, eyeing Nesta from the corner of his eye.

“What tone?” Cassian laughs. He knows Nesta is still a little wound up from her plans going off the rails, but she hasn’t done anything scary.

“I’m used to it,” Emerie says through a mouthful of fries, “but I think that waiter almost cried.”

“That’s how I sound all the time.” Nesta shrugs, sitting back.

“What tone?” Cassian repeats.

Nesta clicks her tongue impatiently. “You know how I talk. I’m straightforward.”

“And harsh,” Azriel adds. “Even aggressive.”

“Watch it.” Gwyn turns stern eyes onto him over the fire pit.

“I have no idea what you all are talking about,” Cassian says. He turns to Nesta. “You sound perfectly normal to me.”

She narrows her perfect brows at him, and Emerie laughs, “I don’t know if that’s romantic or ignorant.”

But now that they’re discussing it, Cassian does distinctly remember Nesta having a sharp edge to her words while they were getting to know each other. Did it disappear over time, or has he really stopped noticing it?

He doesn’t get to think about it before their drinks arrive, followed soon by a dinner of fancy sandwiches.

Cassian cuts his beef sandwich in half and gives the other half to Nesta, and she does the same with her turkey sandwich. They eat and drink around the crackling fire, laughing and talking about tomorrow’s plans (“It’s not your birthday, Azriel,” Nesta says. “Stop asking about gifts.”). Cassian and Emerie talk idly about video games over wine, and even though it isn’t really his thing, he can see her excitement over it and gladly indulges it.

Once everyone is finished eating and is slightly drunk, Gwyn pulls a small sleeve of crackers out of her puffy jacket, followed by a fun-sized Hershey’s bar and a handful of mini marshmallows.

“What are you doing?” Nesta says.

“Making dessert.” Gwyn builds a mini s’more and places it carefully on her fork so she can toast it over the fire pit. When it’s done, she leans forward even more to try to put it on Nesta’s plate. “For you. Thank you for letting me and Emerie stay.”

Nesta jumps, catching the s’more with her plate and batting Gwyn away from the fire pit at the same time. “You’ll set your hair on fire,” she hisses.

Gwyn’s hair remains safe, but now Cassian catches his brother watching Gwyn amusedly from the corner of his eye. “Can I have one?” Az says.

“I’m all out.” Gwyn says while building another s’more, refusing to meet his eyes.

Cassian and Nesta share a look, a hundred words thrown back and forth between them in that glance. She scoots her chair closer to him to slip her cold hands into his warm ones, but while the conversation carries on around the table, she leans in and whispers, “I’m not a busybody but…”

“I am,” he whispers back. “Az is being weird, weirder than usual.”

Nesta nods. “I’ve never seen him so—outgoing.”

Neither has Cassian, but before he can mention anything else, he looks up to find that Gwyn and Azriel’s seats at the table are empty. “How much did those two drink?” he breathes.

Nesta follows his gaze, seeing what he’s seeing: Azriel and Gwyn wandering clumsily around the snowy courtyard. Or rather, Az is trying to chase Gwyn down for a s’more, while she clutches her mini marshmallows to her chest and vehemently yells, “They’re mine!”

Meanwhile, Emerie is half asleep at the table.

Cassian watches as Gwyn nears the towering fir tree at the center of the courtyard and slips. Az shoots out a hand to catch her, but not before her ass hits the stone, hard. He pulls her back up, no longer fooling around, and Gwyn rubs her butt in pain.

Cassian suddenly feels Nesta squeezing the life out of his hands, and he looks over to find fury written across her face. For a heartbeat, he feels worried for Az.

“Go deal with him,” Nesta says lowly. “Before I do.”

Not needing any more words to understand, he stands out of his seat and heads out into the courtyard. He doesn’t know why Nesta thinks Gwyn needs protecting, but it makes him feel protective himself. Approaching the duo, he sees that Azriel finally acquired the leftover s’more ingredients from Gwyn.

“There’s only like half a cracker left,” Az mutters to himself, shaking the baggie.

“Is he bothering you?” Cassian asks Gwyn, who still looks grumpy over losing their skirmish.

Whipping her head to Cassian like he’s her savior, Gwyn nods furiously. “Please make him stop.”

Cassian turns to Azriel with rage in his eyes, a clear What the fuck do you think you’re doing?

But Az shakes his head in denial. “It’s not like that. Look, she’s smirking at me!” He points over Cassian’s shoulder.

When Cassian looks, Gwyn is already walking back to the fire pit, holding her bruised ass.

Az starts, “What a fake little—”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Cassian interrupts. “Yesterday you’re crying over Elain and today you’re flirting with Nesta’s friend?”

Azriel goes serious, his face turning colder than the night air. “How do you know about Elain?” he says gruffly.

“Everyone knows, Azriel.” Cassian stares down his brother, wondering if he’ll finally get him to get his head screwed on straight after these past weeks of secretive bullshit.

Azriel sets his jaw, but a muscle there ticks.

“Will you finally at least tell me what’s going on in your head?” Cassian pleads. “Because I can’t keep guessing.”

Azriel glances toward the dinner table, as if checking to see that no one is paying attention to them. Looking back, he inhales a breath. “You want to know why I left Velaris?”

Like Nesta, Azriel is not one to quickly make himself vulnerable. So there’s no blatant emotion in his voice when he says, “I started seeing her at the end of summer, not long after she broke up with her ex. And it was so…nice after every other relationship I’ve been in has gone wrong. We kept it quiet, and because of that, it was peaceful.” Azriel’s eyes meet Cassian’s twin ones, and he smirks without humor. “But you already know what that’s like, don’t you?”

He does. Cassian crosses his arms, waiting for Az to continue.

“Anyway, we had a good run. For a long time, it was mostly just sex, but I liked her. I liked her a lot.” Az kicks at the snow-dusted cobblestones. “Then Christmas came around, and Rhys found out.” His face darkens as he remembers, and Cassian stiffens, knowing what’s next isn’t good. Sometimes Rhys forgets the boundary between boss and brother.

“He didn’t say anything about it to Elain, of course,” Azriel says. “But he dragged my ass aside and gave me this huge lecture about us using each other as rebounds. Said ‘Feyre’s sister’ deserves better or some shit. I told him there was more to it than that, but he wouldn’t listen. Instead he brought Vanserra & Co. into it, like his business matters had anything to do with me and Elain.” Azriel’s eyes crinkle at the corners in a puzzled way. “So I got to thinking, ‘why would he bring the Vanserras up?’ He made it seem like such a big deal.” The toe of his boot digs a hole into the ground.

Sympathy churns alongside anger in Cassian’s chest for Azriel’s situation, anger at Rhysand for crossing that line between brothers. He’s only momentarily grateful that Rhys never tried doing something similar to him and Nesta.

“I thought she was over that other guy, Lucien,” Az continues. “But maybe she’s not, if Rhys is so concerned about what Lucien’s stepfather thinks. Anyway, that’s why I ran. Because I knew she liked me, but I also knew she didn’t love me. I didn’t want us to cause all that trouble with Rhys just to end up backed into a corner one day, having nowhere else to go because she loves someone else and I’m just a rebound. It would be awkward for everyone involved.” He scratches the back of his neck. “It’s mostly my fault, for always chasing after women I can’t have.” He finally looks up at Cassian. “When you talk to Elain, does it sound like she hates me?” The question is quiet, straightforward.

“No,” Cassian answers, voice rough. Even if Azriel wants to hide his feelings, Cassian won’t. “She doesn’t seem like she hates you. I don’t even think she’s mad at you.” Concerned, anxious, upset—that’s Elain as far as he knows.

“She should hate me,” Azriel says. “She should get pissed, burn my old clothes, and swear to never talk to me again. That’s the only way she can move on.” Maybe even move back to Lucien, is what goes unsaid.

Cassian isn’t so sure about that. Even as he feels for Az, he thinks both of his brothers should get slapped upside the head for how they’ve been acting lately. He won’t be the one to do it, but he might get Nesta to relay a message to Elain. It’ll be the same thing. “I’m sorry,” he tells Az instead. “I know I’ve been hard on you lately. When we get home, I’ll start doing better.” He claps Az on the shoulder and squeezes.

Azriel surprises him by scoffing, looking away in disbelief. “Wow, being compassionate is really a full time job for you, huh?” He claps Cassian’s shoulder back, pulling him into a sudden hug. “You’ve already done more than enough,” he says into Cassian’s ear. “Go to your girlfriend and take a rest.”

Taken aback, Cassian nods and pulls away. He’s about to turn around and leave when Az says, “By the way, I wasn’t flirting with Gwyn.”

Cassian raises a brow. “You were definitely doing something.”

Az rolls his eyes. “I’m not giving her anything she can’t handle. But in case you haven’t noticed, I have no interest in other women right now.” He makes a face. “Especially not her.”

Cassian chuckles. “I believe you. It’s Nesta you need to worry about.”

“Whatever. I’m not scared of her.”

That makes Cassian laugh even harder, but he turns around, ready to go back to said girlfriend. As he nears the fire pit, though, he finds that Gwyn is already there and cuddled up to Nesta. On Nesta’s other side, Emerie now sits in Cassian’s chair, asleep on her friend’s shoulder. He stops in his tracks.

Cassian wasn’t lying when he told Nesta that he was happy about their changed vacation plans—he believes the more the merrier, and he loves these people. Yet he can’t help but wish the two of them could be alone for just one day. Only one.

God, sometimes having friends sucks.

***

a/n: this is a two parter so next chapter we’ll finally be getting more nessian alone time

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland

[whimsicallyreading]

For Day 29 of Rowaelin Month

“A song fic-“

The song- “Always Been You” by Quinn XCII

CW- Mentions of miscarriage and divorce

"I can't believe you right now."

Rowan looks at his wife in frustration. She's sitting at the end of their bed, staring listlessly at the wall. The skirt of the red dress she's wearing is wrinkled, and his heart aches when he notices the mascara marks on her cheeks.

"Aelin," Rowan tries again to reach for her, but she leans away from his grasp.

"No, Rowan. I'm done."

Rowan takes a long swing from the beer in front of him. The time on his phone alerts him that he's spent most of the evening sulking at his bar.

The guys had invited him to dinner, but Rowan hadn't felt like going in light of his current situation. Instead, choosing to meander to the shady little pub they'd passed by coming from the airport.

His lawyer had sent him numerous emails. Documents to sign, agreements to approve, and papers he needed to read through before sending them to the judge.

Divorce was a pain, and Aelin wasn't making it easy.

"Hey, bud. I thought I might find you here." Fenrys slides onto the barstool next to his.

Rowan sighs and rubs the lines forming on his forehead. "Well, I thought it was obvious I didn't want company."

"Too bad. Drinking alone isn't a good look on you." Fenrys raises a hand and motions for another round of beers. "How are things going with ya know?"

"Shitty. She's never paid a dime of rent on that apartment, but she wants the lease signed into her name and for me to front the first four months of rent." Rowan cracks a peanut between his finger. He has no intent to eat the growing pile in front of him. He just craved the satisfaction of breaking something.

"Well, have you talked to her about that?" Fenrys frowns in sympathy, knowing how equally attached both parties were to the little rental.

Rowan laughs mirthlessly. "No, she said that it was better if our conversations were mediated. I always knew Aelin was catty, but she's acting like such a-"

"Don't." Fenrys gives Rowan a severe look. "I know you are upset, but don't start saying shit you'll regret."

Rowan pauses and reluctantly nods his agreement. It's the alcohol talking. He knew the problems that had festered his marriage were predominantly his responsibility.

He takes a deep breath, but a heaviness seems to keep the air from reaching his lungs fully. The weight was slowly becoming too familiar, starting the day Aelin had presented him with the papers.

Rowan wishes he'd done more. Wishes he'd paid more attention and seen the signs of Aelin's unhappiness.

The day Aelin had broken down in their bedroom had been a cold wake-up call but by then? It was already too late.

"You missed our anniversary Rowan." Aelin shouts and pulls her heels off angrily.

Rowan picks up a shoe and tries to hand it back to her. "I know. I'm sorry. It's not too late, though. We can still go out? There's still time to salvage-"

Aelin turns away from him and seems to fold in on herself. Rowan wants to reach out. He wants to hold her, but something dark is building in the air.

"I don't want your leftovers, Rowan," Aelin whispers. "That's all I get anymore—your leftover time. Your leftover attention. Whatever leftover resentment you bring home from work."

"Aelin-" he tries to cut off her depressive spiral, but she's not finished.

"You used to call me during the day." Aelin's voice cracks, and he realizes she's crying. "Every day, you would call me on your break. Now you don't even call when you leave town."

"Baby, just listen to me." He puts his hands on her shoulders, but Aelin breaks his grasp to turn around and look at him.

"Is there someone else?" Her eyes are wide and vulnerable. So unlike his regular Aelin."

"What?" His brain is struggling even to formulate a reply. Rowan's lack of response only causes Aelin to worry more.

Something in her cracks. There's a quiver to her lips, and her face drains of color. "Oh. Oh no."

"Aelin. I swear there is no one else." Rowan finally says, but it's too late.

"Is," Aelin presses the heels of her hands against her eyes. "Is it because I lost the baby?" She sucks in a hiccupping breath. "You've always wanted kids. So did I, but my fucking body doesn't work."

Aelin closes her eyes, and Rowan knows she's speaking more to herself than him, but her words gut him just the same. "My body doesn't work right. I keep giving us false hopes and wasting money on pregnancy tests. Of course, you would look for a woman who can give you what you want."

He's surprised by the sudden flare of anger in him. "Don't put words in my mouth. That will never be your fault."

They'd known right from the start their journey to parenthood would be a long one. Aelin had a family history of complicated fertility. It had seemed so trivial when they got married. Yet even knowing there could be issues, nothing quite prepared them for the pain of a miscarriage.

Aelin sniffles, unable to force back her grief, "But you resent me. Don't you?"

Rowan doesn't reply.

"It's rough," Rowan admits out loud. "I let a lot get left unsaid. I was hurt and pushed her away. Now she won't even speak to me without a lawyer present."

Fenrys nods, "It's all probably for the best. Once this is over, you guys can put this drama behind you."

"I wish it were that easy," Rowan knocks back the rest of his beer. He grimaces at the drink. It's not taking hold quickly enough.

Fenrys raises an eyebrow. "You both will be able to shut the book on this chapter of your lives and move on? Considering how bloody you two have been fighting, it sounds ideal."

They sit in silence. Fenrys takes the peanut basket away from Rowan and picks at the shells. The bartender comes by, and disgruntledly eyes Rowan's pile of crumbs as he orders a whiskey neat.

Fen was like his little brother, but Rowan found it hard to admit his real problem to him aloud. "I still love her."

The basket goes flying over the side of the counter, and Fenrys chokes on his beer. "What?"

Rowan can't look him in the eye, "We lost a baby. It was early. Aelin didn't want to tell everyone. Three years we tried to get pregnant, and finally, a test comes back positive. She was so happy."

"Shit," Fenrys says quietly. "I'm so sorry."

"It was there, and then it was gone. I thought Aelin was fine. She cried for a week, but then it was like a switch flipped, and she was back to normal." Rowan clenches a napkin in his fist. "I was devastated. It hurt like hell, but I didn't want to send her back into a depression." Rowan shakes his head at how stupid he'd been. "So I put some distance between us. I didn't want her to think I was upset with her."

"I didn't feel better," Rowan sips the whiskey, relishing the warmth. "It made me mad that she got over it so quickly, and I couldn't. I didn't realize that I was growing that space between us. I didn't understand how much guilt she harbored and that she tried to be strong for me. Not until she broke."

"We fought. I said all the wrong things. Aelin couldn't take it anymore, she left, and I didn't stop her." Rowan leans his head on his hands and elbows against the counter. "She's the love of my life, and I watched her walk out the door."

Fenrys sucks in a breath and sighs. "You are my best friend, and I mean this in the most loving way possible. Why the hell are you here?"

"What?" Rowan looks at Fenrys annoyed face.

"Get out of here. Go. I'll tell the boss you have ebola or some shit." Fenrys fishes his wallet out and throws cash on the bar. "I'll even cover the tab. Just leave. Now."

"What? I don't understand?"

Fenrys looks at Rowan like he's stupid. "No offense, but you are about as interesting as a brick wall. The fact you caught a girl like Aelin is astonishing. If you love her, are you honestly going to let her go on being miserable?"

"She's not miserable," Rowan scoffs.

Fenrys laughs bitterly. "You forget I'm pals with Aedion too? Aelin winds up at his house almost every evening crying her eyes out. You two are still hopelessly in love. You're just dumb and badly in need of a good conversation."

"Aelin is upset?" A sense of disbelief washes over him.

"Yes! She misses you, but she's under the impression you are off sleeping around." His face saddens. "I told Aedion you weren't. He knows I go on all of these trips with you. Aelin's just upset you're gone and needs to believe in something that can help her let go."

Rowan stands up, swaying. "I have to go."

"Hell yeah, you do. Give Aelin my love," Fenrys waves as Rowan vates the bar like a hawk out of hell.

Aelin sets the stack of papers in front of him.

Rowan had been camping out in his office ever since there disaster of an anniversary. He'd texted a few times, but every time they talked, it was like relighting a fuze. Things weren't getting better.

"What are these?" Rowan asks without looking up from his screen.

"Your ticket to freedom," Aelin sits in the chair across from him.

She looks thin, thinner than she did when Arobynn was her foster father. It physically hurts Rowan that he's causing her that kind of stress. Glancing at the papers, she slapped in front of him. His blood becomes like an ice river through his body. "Aelin-"

"I'm not the one for you. That's apparent now. I won't hold you hostage in a marriage that you aren't happy in." Aelin blinks, and a tear slides down her face. He wants to wipe it away, but he's beyond angry. She was giving up on them.

"If this is what you want," Rowan slides the papers towards him and pulls out a pen.

Rowan is racing the familiar paths to their apartment. He doesn't care that it's almost four in the morning. The plane ride between Perranth and Ornyth is mercifully short, but he can't force himself to wait another minute.

"Aelin," he yells through their door. "Baby, answer me. Open the door."

Rowan's fists tap a consistent rhythm on the door, and his heart skips a beat when a bedraggled Aelin finally appears. "Rowan, do you know what time it is?"

She's in a pair of grey flannel pajamas, not one of her usual silky numbers. Aelin's eyes are red around the edges, and her face is still dewy from the excessive amount of lotion he knows she loves to put on. Rowan knows all of her routines. All of her favorite outfits, comfort movies, and best memories. He knows the scar she has on her left hand from an abusive foster father. Rowan remembers how the bridge of her nose wrinkles when she's upset in the same spot her cousin's does.

He knows everything about her, because not only were they husband and wife, they were best friends.

How could he have let that go?

Before Aelin can ask any more questions, Rowan has swept her into his arms. "I missed you so damn much."

"Rowan, have you been drinking?" Aelin asks in a voice cracked with emotion.

His hands are running up her back, and his knows burrows into her hair. He's always loved the smell of her jasmine shampoo. "Fireheart, I never resented you for losing the baby."

"Rowan, I don't want to talk about this," Aelin tries to push him away, but he squeezes her into his chest, and she melts.

That had been his mistake. He should have held Aelik like this and never let her go on pretending to be happy. How could he know everything about this woman and not have seen past her facade? She'd suffered. His own pain had blinded him.

"Aelin, I've made so many mistakes lately." Rowan rubs the back of Aelin's neck the way she likes, and he can feel the sobs starting to build up inside of her. "But the greatest shame of my life is not being there for you when you needed me. I was stupid, Fireheart. I'm not going to be stupid any longer. This separation can't go on, we aren't any happier for it, and I can't live knowing I'm away from the other half of my soul."

Aelin cracks, and he can feel the tears wetting the front of his shoulder. "You were never home. I thought there was someone else, someone who could give you the things you wanted because I can't."

Her whole form is shuddering his arms, and Rowan squeezes tighter as if he can hold her broken pieces together. "It's always been you. I don't care if we adopt or never have any kids at all. All I need is you, baby. You are all I've ever needed."

Suddenly, hands are in Rowan's hair as Aelin crushes their lips together. The kiss is frantic, a relief of the stress they'd carried upon their shoulders.

"I missed you too," Aelin whispers in between kisses. “Gods I mussed you so much.”

The rest of their night is filled with soothing words, frantic kissing, and murmured apologies. Rowan kisses the tears from her cheeks and Aelin looks into his eyes like she’s home. Nail dig into skin as they promise never to be apart again.

For the first time in months they sleep in the same bed. Rowan sinks into a deep restful sleep with his wife in his arms once more. He loves the way her cold toes search out his heat. How Aelin fits so perfectly against his chest. When he wakes up and she’s still there, his heart nearly features from relief.

After months of pain, it's the beginning of their walk towards healing.

The days after aren't perfect. They had legal issues to sort back out, more problems to lay bare to the sunlight. There was arguing, but it lacked actual heat, and they didn't walk away feeling unloved at the end. No longer did they fight to land barbs. Their bickering now served to work towards solutions and to express needs.

Between struggles, the love began to grow back. Rowan kept his job at work, and when he was home, it was about them. He started calling her on his breaks again, and it always astonished him how much he missed the sound of her voice. They both strived to communicate their feelings better and actually listen instead of reacting.

Aelin surprised him with romantic dates, and Rowan read pages of her favorite books to her at night. They danced in the kitchen and laughed at their favorite shows.

Fixing their marriage was hard work, but Rowan and Aelin didn't mind. The separation proved that neither of them wanted a life without the other. It was to whatever end, and they wouldn't accept anything less for them.

On one Sunday morning, Rowan opens his eyes and realizes that Aelin isn't on her side of the bed. Panic surges in him, and he looks around to make sure her things are still there.

They are, and the tension eases from his shoulders until he hears soft crying from the bathroom. Darting out of bed, he grabs Aelin's bathrobe and knocks on their bathroom door. "Aelin, what's wrong?"

Had he screwed something up? Was she sick?

The lock clicks, granting him silent permission for him to come inside. Rowan pushes the door open and finds Aelin crying on the side of the tup. With gentle hands, he wraps her robe around her and throws an arm over her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

Aelin looks up at him, a radiant smile on her face. "Look."

Rowan glances down to her clenched fists and-

He blinks, once, twice. Aelin laughs at his dumbfounded face, and it breaks his paralysis. Rowan grabs her around the waist and spins her around the cramped bathroom, the positive pregnancy test clattering to the floor.

Aelin's arms wrap around his neck. The emotion in the room is raw and bittersweet, but there's a hopefulness that can't be denied. Rowan holds her tight as they process the news. When they break apart, the love between them is palpable. They had another shot at this, a fresh start.

Hards times would come and go, but good days were never far behind for them. Because for Aelin and Rowan, it's always been them.

And that's all they needed.

[sooibian]

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Pairing: Kyungsoo x fem!Reader ft. big brother Junmyeon, arch enemy Sehun

Genre/Themes: Established Relationship AU, Fluff, Crack, Loosely inspired by the anime Horimiya

Warnings: Sexual themes, themes of sadism and masochism (nothing explicit), slight swearing.

Description: It’s Sehun’s wedding party. Kyungsoo knew these couple of hours with you were going to be anything but pleasant, however, he didn’t expect things to spiral so quickly. 

A/N: Thank you @his-mochi-cheeks​ for encouraging me to upload this. Shy tagging my closeted dandanies @vampwrrr​ and @changshapatrol​​ since this one sparked joy.

Word count: 2.7k

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To Kyungsoo, the best thing about weddings was the feast but since you sat sulkily sipping on green juice - whatever the fuck that monstrosity was made of - he couldn't muster the courage to gorge on bulgogi and galbi in front of you. Especially not since it was a "your side of the family" wedding and your big brother Junmyeon wouldn't quit looking at him as if he were a ticking time bomb.

He’d gone out with you for five years before finally asking you to marry him four years ago. As much as he tried, Kyungsoo failed to make peace with the fact that Junmyeon still hadn't warmed up to him. Kyungsoo firmly believed in cause and effect and he just couldn’t tell when and how he’d faltered to warrant such iciness from Junmyeon. Events like these made his thoughts tread deeper into the “where did I go wrong?” labyrinth with no escape in sight.

Kyungsoo’s stomach growled, the proximity to the buffet area wasn’t helping. He stupidly slapped a hand on it as if to stop the sound from reaching you but despite the loud music and raucous conversations, you noticed. So you offered him a sip of the disgusting green gloop which he politely declined.

Shrugging, you sing-songed mindlessly, "Oof the barbecue stall sure looks inviting."

He suspiciously studied the ever so slight movements in your features, every microexpression and chose the safest response of taking your hand in his, lacing your fingers together, and planting a soft kiss between your knuckles - conscious of the fact that he’d have to tolerate the hunger pangs for just a bit longer. He was dead sure you’d ask him to stop at a McDonald's on your two hour drive back home. None of these green gloop diets have lasted over twelve hours.

Resting his chin in his hand, Kyungsoo peered over his glasses and looked around the luxuriously and aesthetically decorated lawn. In front of the gazebo Oh Sehun and his bride slow-danced to a song he couldn’t recognise. Sehun's hand mischievously slipped down his bride's waist and she teasingly punched his chest in response. She giggled and swayed in his arms as Sehun looked into her eyes with all the love glimmering in his own. Thinking back to his own wedding day, Kyungsoo smiled to himself and planted yet another kiss on your hand. Features contorted by the nasty taste of the juice, to him you still looked just as radiant as you did on your wedding day. In the moment he wanted nothing more than to join the couples on the dance floor, wrap his arms around your waist, and sway to the rhythm of the romantic, soft beats.

So he turned to you and asked enthusiastically, “Lets dance?”

“Kyungsoo - ,” pinching the bridge of your nose, you only reacted with a scowl.

Your damp response instantly soured his expression. “Come on! Don’t be such a sourpuss!” He exclaimed, tugging at your arm.

Kyungsoo observed keenly as your gaze reluctantly turned to a euphoric Sehun. Through gritted teeth, you justified, “It’s my arch-nemesis’ wedding. What do you expect?”

Junmyeon was the Academic Director of Museum Studies at Seoul National University and Sehun was his favourite student, almost like a younger brother to him and as his biological sister, you somehow felt threatened by their relationship. Over the years, your insecurity had manifested in the way of an inexplicable resentment towards Sehun.

“Why did we even come, then?” Kyungsoo reasoned.

“To avoid having to listen to Junmyeon whinging and whining for an eternity,” you dead-panned.

“You mean the way I’ve been tolerating your whining ever since we received the wedding invite?” Kyungsoo grumbled.

Wagging your finger at him, you said, “That’s a low blow, Kyungsoo.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Kyungsoo pursed his lips and continued arguing with you, “Who even brings their own meal to a goddamn wedding?”

You rolled your eyes before listlessly scrolling through your phone. Kyungsoo understood exactly what you were upto. While you didn’t want anybody to fault you for skipping the wedding, you needed to make it known to everyone present that you were here merely out of courtesy.

On the other hand, Kyungsoo was quite fond of Sehun. The guy was fun and even-tempered and Kyungsoo truly admired people who were uncomplicated, people with whom he could freely speak his mind. It’s why he fell in love with you in the first place and stayed in love...despite all of your pettiness and quirks. Quirks that made Kyungsoo shake in his boots. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, pushed those thoughts out of his head and heaved a sigh of relief upon realizing that your eccentricity wouldn’t rear its ugly head at a family celebration.

He was jolted out of his reverie by Junmyeon who slammed a plate of dakgalbi in front of him. Kyungsoo immediately shoved his phone into an inside pocket of his blazer, inwardly reprimanding himself for behaving all the more suspiciously in front of your elder brother.

Squinting sceptically, Junmyeon remarked, “I didn’t see you at the buffet -”

“Ah - we’ve been meaning to -” Kyungsoo tried explaining the situation without having to put you in a spot. He thought, after an uncomfortably long pause, Junmyeon would drop the conversation, but he didn't. Kyungsoo gingerly ran his fingers over his brows to check if Junmyeon's intense glare had burned holes into his head. You on the other hand had your gaze fixed on your phone and didn’t break character even for a second - not even to help your husband out of an awkward conversation. So Kyungsoo picked up a pair of chopsticks to help himself to a piece of dakgalbi but Junmyeon slapped his hand away and snarled, “Ladies first.”

"O-of course," Kyungsoo stuttered, pushing the plate towards you.

"I don't wanna eat," you answered the two men, eyes now on a blank screen. Left with no choice, Kyungsoo slowly and sadly put his chopsticks down, his stomach making its annoyance known, while Junmyeon started to nag you for acting 'uppity as usual'.

Your show of indifference when Junmyeon animatedly whisper-scolded you, had started to make Kyungsoo anxious. The moment he tried to excuse himself to the bathroom, he felt your bare foot on his shoe and he froze into a still frame.

Kyungsoo shook his head at you and mouthed, 'Not now!' but you merely shot him a sweet smile in response.

"Are you even listening to me?" Junmyeon lambasted you.

"No and I haven't been listening for quite sometime now." Your reply sent a chill down Kyungsoo's spine. He was feeling a lot of things...all at once and with your toes boldly riding up his shin, he thought he'd burst at the seams. He made a mental note to have certain ground rules in place for situations like these - you weren’t much of a listener but this time he was sure to make himself heard.

"You won't be eating either?" Junmyeon asked Kyungsoo, shooting him yet another indignant glare. Kyungsoo smoothly moved his chair out of your reach but just as he extended his hand towards the plate, Junmyeon huffed angrily and walked away with it and Kyungsoo felt his heart sink to his stomach.

Tormenting Kyungsoo with a game of footsie for a while, you excused yourself to the ladies room. Ten minutes later, his phone chimed with a text from you.

'Can you come and get me? I think I'm lost.'

'No.' He replied. He was determined to not walk into your trap.

Kyungsoo clearly remembers the first time he was introduced to that side of your personality. Freshman year - it had been a few months since he'd asked you out. One evening, when things had gotten hot and heavy between the two of you, he had heard you say, 'Slap me, Soo.'

At first he thought he'd heard wrong so he ignored you but you said it again causing him to immediately pull away. Aghast, he asked, 'What did you say?'

'Slap me,' you blinked at him.

He intently studied your face - the most beautiful and the least punchable face he'd ever laid his eyes on. He wanted to do many things to you and all of them essentially involved making you feel loved and cherished and what you were asking of him was the exact opposite of how he felt about you. 

Eyes wide and lips pursed, you stood for a reaction but he would give you none. 

'Don't you love me?' You asked softly, batting your eyelashes at him. Little did you know, in that moment, he was too numb and too naked to make sense of the situation. 

At first he faulted his own personality. Kyungsoo was known to have picked a few fights here and there, had multiple piercings, and visible tattoos. Over the years, he got rid of it all and started dressing preppy but nothing changed. You still continued to ask of him something he was unwilling to give. So after a few ups and downs in your relationship, Kyungsoo finally reconciled with the fact that you were something of a sadist masochist only when it came to him.

His phone buzzed with your reply: 'The gardens at this hotel are ginormous. There's no staff here, I don't know how to find stupid lanky boy's stupid wedding party. I'm waiting by the restroom area please come and get me? ❤️'

Kyungsoo knew that you were directionally challenged. He'd test you at random and you could never tell left from right. Also, the lawn did sprawl over a considerable area but something just didn't feel right. Chewing on a hangnail, Kyungsoo sat thinking of a fitting reply only to receive another text from you.

A tempting one.

'If you come and get me now, we'll get out of here directly. No need to go back to the party.'

'What about your brother?' Asked Kyungsoo.

His phone blinked with a 'Pfft 🤪'

Patiently, he reiterated, 'I asked, what about your brother?'

'I promise I'll deal…'

'....?'

'Nicely 😘'

'Ok ❤️'

.

.

.

Kyungsoo gaped at you while you twirled his tie between your fingers and pleaded with him in a sultry voice, "Just once? Please?"

He was well aware that you knew for a fact he couldn't refuse you. Nevertheless, this time he firmly held his ground, "Are you crazy? Your entire family, your brother is just a couple metre's distance from here!"

"Kyungsoo please?" You caged him between a grainy concrete wall and your torso. The only respite to Kyungsoo in that situation was the fact that the area was poorly lit and there was not a soul in sight.

He cupped your face in his hands, planted a chaste kiss on your forehead and crouched down to whisper against your lips, "I'm not - I'm not sla- I'm not doing any of that here. Let's go home." After a lot of struggle, he finally managed to free himself from your Senior Superintendent General of Police grasp with a smirk on his face that said all your police training got nothing on him.

"Let's go," he held your hand and took a long stride towards the exit but you stayed firmly rooted to your place.

"Drag me out of here, then," you commanded.

You didn't budge and Kyungsoo wouldn't have caved under any other circumstance but…. he was hungry. Really hungry - making his stiff spine melt like candle wax. So he steeled himself, looked into your eyes, dropped his tone to a gruff, husky tenor, grabbed your wrist a little too tightly and threatened you, "Move your ass, __. Don't make me tell you again."

Exasperated, he rolled his eyes at the way yours twinkled at his crass behaviour.

"Gimme more," you said breathily.

The only way to get out of here was to stay in character so Kyungsoo did exactly that. He roughly pushed you against a wall (as gently as he could if it makes sense) and growled, "What makes you think you can act all buddy buddy with me, you ditz!" but before he could go any further he heard a man's voice yell, "How dare you!?"

Startled like a deer caught in headlights - in this case the flashlight of Junmyeon's latest iPhone - Kyungsoo turned around to find the brawny man leaping at him in attack mode at full throttle. Kyungsoo ducked, anticipating a heavy physical impact but it didn't come. He opened his eyes to you tackling Junmyeon to the ground and scolding him, "How dare you encroach upon our privacy and attack my husband!" while twisting his arm at every emphasis.

Very rarely was Kyungsoo grateful about the fact that you were a cop and this was one such occasion. He quickly moved to get you off of Junmyeon's back while the man cried out in pain, defending himself, "Pri-privacy? This is a bloody public place!"

Panting, you eventually let go of Junmyeon, fixed your hair and earrings and straightened your satin silk very pale pink dress (one that was almost white under the wrong lighting but despite Kyungsoo's repeated requests, you ended up in white at a wedding). But as soon as Junmyeon regained composure, he lunged to attack Kyungsoo again, screaming, "I always knew that there was something off about you!"

"Yah yah yahhhh!" You held Junmyeon back like you would do a violent criminal as Kyungsoo ducked again out of fear.

"Enough!" You shrieked at Junmyeon.

Kyungsoo's big brown eyes were fixed on your brother's terrifying demeanour as he barked, "I can't believe you're scolding me after what I just witnessed! That man, that man was hurting you!"

"That man? Better watch your tone Oppa, he's my husband!"

"You can't be that blinded by love or...whatever this is! Does he have something on you? You can tell me! You know I know all the right people to get you out of this mess -"

"Hyungnim -" Kyungsoo attempted to defuse the extremely tense situation but stopped short as you held your hand up at him.

"For heaven's sake, I'm happy, healthy, and safe in my marriage. That's all you need to know. Now go back to your baby brother's celebration and leave us alone!" Hand on your hip, you squeezed your eyes shut and pinched the bridge of your nose.

"I'm not going anywhere until you explain what just happened," Junmyeon glowered at Kyungsoo.

The younger man didn't know how to clarify this without embarrassing you and in a state of blind panic all he could think of admitting to some sort of a dissociative identity disorder. But before he could lose any more brownie points with your brother, you came to his rescue albeit not doing much to help his already strained relationship with Junmyeon.

"Kyungsoo, you don't have to tell him anything. You, Sir, talk to me. No need to drag my husband into this mess!"

Junmyeon scoffed before breaking into a hysterical laughter, "You're unbelievable, little sister. Unbelievable!"

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath, and started, "Hyungnim, I- "

"You have the unmitigated gall to still be standing here!" Junmyeon snapped at Kyungsoo, causing the younger man to bury his face in his hands. When the brother sister duo fell silent, Kyungsoo looked up again to find Jumyeon taking furiously long strides towards the wedding party.

"I told you this was a bad idea," Kyungsoo said quietly, rubbing the corner of his eye, as you wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his chest.

"I'll fix it, I promise. I'll speak to him when he's calmed down a little," you replied, softly patting your husband's back, "Do you want to stop at a McDonald's on our way back?

Kyungsoo chuckled, squeezing you in a tight hug and kissing the top of your head, "I hate you."

"I love you, too!" You chirped, and his features lit up with his beautiful heart-shaped smile.

"So? McDonald's?" You asked coyly.

He cradled your face in his hands and pressed his lips to yours. When you drew a staggered breath in response, he felt a wave of heat flushing through him. You giggled against his lips causing Kyungsoo to firmly pull your body to his. He scooped you up in his arms, kissing you with an increased fervour and rendering you breathless.

Gently pulling away, he answered in a husky, gruff voice, "Sure, dumb bitch. Took you long enough."

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter eight: "There is no I in Team"

Word count: 8,4K

Summary: It's Spencer's birthday, and the team meets Mikey, Lu, and Frank. Reader is no longer in denial, but she has no idea what she is doing. Also, Rossi is here.

Warnings: Cursing, frustration, please don't hate me.

A/N: Hi! I hope you enjoy this fluffy chapter 'cos... well... things are a few chapters away from getting a little messed up. Thank you for all the support! your likes and comments keep me writing! Love you all!

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

Suddenly, working at the BAU wasn't just catching serial killers. After almost two years at the FBI, I was dealing with some serious issues that were starting to get in the middle of me and work: Spencer Walter Reid.

I didn't want to face it, and I knew I was trying to deny it as much as I could, but even when I kept telling everybody no, deep down, I knew the answer was yes.

I was falling for my best friend.

But I refused to deal with my feelings. There were more important things to do, like catching killers and celebrating Spencer's 26 birthday. So yes, I was screwed.

Penelope organized a breakfast celebration at the BAU with the whole team on his birthday, and I was in charge of the cake. I baked it myself the day before, and Lu decided to help me. And by "help me," apparently, she actually meant "drive me crazy."

- "So, when is Spencer's birthday?"- she sat and sipped her tea at the kitchen island as I continued mixing ingredients.

- "Sunday, October 28th, why?"

- "Just asking. And what's the plan?"

- "Tomorrow Friday, we'll throw an early birthday breakfast at the BAU. Then, I was planning to have a huge surprise party for Spencer here Saturday night. If we are called on a case, then we are doomed. But if we are home, we should definitely celebrate Batsy's day."

- "Aha"- I cut her a questioning gaze, and she just smiled- "I was just trying to make conversation."

- "Ok..."

- "And waiting patiently for you to face the fact you are in love with Spencer."

I nearly dropped the mixer bowl as soon as I heard those words.

- "Lu, what the fuck?!"- I knew I was all kinds of shades of pink, but I did my best to keep my cool and pretend to be stony.

- "I'm just saying it's about time you drop the act and deal with your feelings."

I hated the fact she was right. I was in love with Reid. But I didn't want to talk about it. Honestly, I wasn't ready to acknowledge those feelings out loud 'cause it would make them real. And all I wanted at that minute was to pretend those feelings didn't exist.

- "The only feeling I am dealing with right now is with how pissed I am with your innuendo."

I turned my back at Lu and started looking for the right pan for the batter. I had bought three sizes just to make sure I'd get it right. I also made a mental note not to tell her that.

- "There's no innuendo. I'm telling you upfront. I know you are in love with Spencer."

- "What?!"- Lu laughed and walked to the kettle to pour herself another cup of tea.

- "You do remember I've known you since we were six years old, right?"

- "Yes, I remember that. But that doesn't mean you know how I feel about Spencer."

- "No, of course not. It means you can stop acting. I see through you! you are baking the man a cake."

- "So?"- I looked at her and raised an eyebrow, trying my best to look serious and not busted at all.

- "So you've never baked a cake for me, or Mikey, or Frank!"

- "Well, if you are all jealous, I'll bake one for your birthday then!"

- "(Y/N), please. The cake is just an example. You and I both know you are in love with him."

- "I am not"- I sighed and turned off the mixer, 'cos the batter was ready.

- "(Y/N)"- my friend whispered a few seconds later in a softer voice.

- "Lu?"

- "You are in love with Spencer Reid."

I took a deep breath and crossed my arms on my chest as I looked at her. She was smiling, pleased. It made me think of Frank's request a few months earlier when he asked me he and the guys wanted me to date Reid. I thought it had been cute. Now I was wondering if they all suspected I had feelings for my best friend.

- "Lucy, why are you so obsessed with this?"

- "'Cause he is in love with you too, and I want you to be happy"- and her answer kind of broke my heart.

- "Reid is not in love with me,"- I whispered and returned to the cake to pour the batter into the pans.

- "Why are you so sure?"

- "'Cos I know him! And I know he is in love with someone else"- Lu frowned and shook her head, in disagreement with my words. Like she knew him better.

- "Spencer Reid is in love with you, (Y/N). I've known it since the day I met him."

- "Spencer Reid is in love with JJ. I've known it since the day I met him 'cos he actually asked her out."

- "Oh, come on! You told me that story! Nothing happened!"

- "'Cos she doesn't like him, but you should see him when he is around her! and now that she is dating, it's so obviously killing him!"

I let my arms fall at my sides, defeated, and Lu tapped on the seat next to her. So I sat by her side and held the cup of tea I had left forgotten earlier when I had started baking.

- "So, tell me why you think Reid likes JJ"- Lu demanded, and I somehow managed to tell her what I felt without looking desperate. Or that's what I thought.

- "He worships the floor she walks upon. And I get it, she is cute, she is fun, blond, and friendly. I bet every guy she meets loves her. And it's awful 'cos I love her too, she is my friend. She's the sweetest."

- "But?"

- "But what?"

- "Sounded like you were going to tell me something like "But I hate her 'cos I am in love with Reid."

- "I don't hate JJ! I'm happy she has Will, though she hasn't told us about it. And I love working with her! she is sweet and amazing!"

- "But you are sure Reid loves her"- I just nodded- "Well, you are wrong."

- "Trust me, I'm not."

- "Well, then I'll have to meet that JJ girl and see if Reid looks in love with her."

- "How are you planning to do that?"

- "I don't know"- Lu simply shrugged and smiled- "Something will come up."

And something did come up. Spencer's birthday party. October 28th, 2007.

We threw him a surprise party at my apartment, and everybody came. Derek, Garcia, Prentiss, JJ, Hotch, Lu, Mikey, and Frank. It wasn't just Spencer's 26th birthday party. It was me not hiding anymore. I couldn't hide myself from the team if everybody were invited to my house and about to meet my friends. But I didn't care. I didn't actually think about it much at the moment, 'cos all I cared about was giving Spencer the best surprise birthday party on earth.

And I think I nailed it, 'cos he had no idea what was going on when he knocked on my door at eight. He was innocently holding a bag with some snacks I had asked him to bring for the movie marathon I told him we would have. And he believed me. He was adorable.

As soon as I opened the door and saw him there, my heart skipped a beat. Maybe that's why I didn't say much; I just smiled and invited him in.

- "Is your electricity out? Why are all your lights off, (Y/N)?"- he innocently asked, right before turning on the light and hearing everybody yelling "Surprise!!"

- "What the..."- Reid looked around in shock, not getting what was going on. Frank jumped over and nearly tackled him with a hug, making me laugh. Garcia turned to me in shock, but I just shook my head. That's Frank.

- "Happy barf day, doc!"

- "Thank you so much! Hey!"- Spencer looked around and looked at me. I smiled and watched how everybody got closer to him and hugged him. I don't know if he was ok with it, but he didn't seem to complain. The birthday boy hugged everybody that night.

Spencer's point of view

I don't think anyone had ever thrown me a surprise party before. I never suspected it. Not even a little. I was so glad they had done it, though. I was so happy to have friends and family to share that day with.

It was my fourth birthday at the BAU, the second (Y/N) had organized, and somehow I didn't feel alone anymore. People weren't friendly to me for being condescending. They actually liked me.

- "Doc! You are gonna love these!"- Frank nearly tackled me with his present- "It's from Mikey and me. We thought you might appreciate some new addition to your collection."

I chuckled and held the vinyl records he had given me: Elton John, The Clash, and Arctic Monkeys.

- "Collection?"- Morgan asked and looked at me, surprised- "You collect vinyl records, Reid?"

- "Yeah, I do actually,"- I smiled and kept my eyes on the records- "I think it's a unique classic format. It sounds better than digital, and it includes warmth, richness, and depth to the music you don't find in a cd or mp3."

- "And not just classical music?"- Derek was somehow surprised- "You actually listen to any other musical genre?"

- "What are you talking about?"- I argued, almost insulted- "Just because you think I'm a nerd doesn't mean I only listen to classical music. Last year I got a Johnny Cash record. You were there!"

Morgan raised his hands and smiled, defeated. I chuckled and looked at Frank and Mikey.

- "Thank you, guys."

- "Don't worry about it, come here"- Mikey opened his arms and pulled me into a hug. I tapped on his back and smiled.

I noticed JJ's look at Penelope and wondered if she was surprised I had friends out of the BAU. (Y/N) and I were always together, and we usually talked about what we do with her friends during the weekend. Our friends. They were our friends.

- "We already gave him his presents this morning,"- Garcia explained to Frank. I don't know why maybe she thought it was necessary to make sure he understood and let them know they weren't the only ones who had given me presents.

- "Ok, kids, we've got pizza, beer, and a Halloween cupcake for the birthday boy"- (Y/N) walked over and put on a party hat on my head. I smiled and also received the bottle of beer she handed me.

- "Thank you, chipmunk"- I whispered and felt her arm around my waistline, wrapping me sweetly as she rested her body against my side.

- "You are welcome, honey. Happy birthday."

The way she looked at me made me feel I was the most important person in the world for her for a solid minute. And I wondered how I could make her feel the same.

- "So, doc. How was the cake?"- Lu stood by my side and smiled at JJ, who was just talking to me about nothing important.

- "Good! It was delicious! Did you help (Y/N) bake it?"

- "No!"- she shook her head and chuckled- "I just came for moral support yesterday."

- "It was good! Real good! you can't go wrong with chocolate and raspberries."

- "I'm glad"- she smiled and looked at JJ. I shook my head, embarrassed, and made the proper introductions, though (Y/N) had already done it.

- "You have been (Y/N)'s friend since you were kids, right?"- JJ asked, and Lu smiled again, nodding.

- "We were all neighbors growing up. And... you and doc, how long have you been working together?"

- "For the last... three years, I'm the communication liaison of the team"- Lu nodded and sipped her cup of tea.

- "He has been an incredible addition to the Three Stooges' lives"- Lucy joked and turned to me for a moment. Then, she scanned my face carefully, keeping a big, warm smile on her face.

- "Mikey and Frank were so excited to hang out with you. They keep hoping to find Lila Archer each time they go to your house."

I heard JJ laughing and looking at me, surprised. Lu just kept her eyes on her tea for a moment and then stuck out her tongue to me playfully.

- "Lila Archer?"- JJ asked, shocked- "Are you two still talking? Is there something I don't know about?"

- "No! no!"- I quickly tried to explain- "The guys are obsessed with her. Frank, mostly, and they love to bug me with her."

I turned and looked at them. Frank was hugging (Y/N), and Mikey kept trying to steal her beer from her hands as she just chuckled. I stared at them for a second, and I know I smiled. Somehow I felt slightly jealous of Frank and Mikey for always being so physical with her, not overthinking everything they did around her. I always wished I could be like that. But then again, they weren't in love with her.

- "So you and (Y/N)'s friends get along pretty well"- JJ's voice was curious. I kept thinking she was shocked I had other friends.

- "Actually, we consider Spencer our friend,"- Lu answered and chuckled- "Please, don't tell them I told you this, but they always get excited to see you."

- "Me?"- I was shocked- "Why me?"

- "'Cos they admire you a lot. Frank keeps saying you are the coolest guy he has ever known."

I didn't know what to answer. I had never been one of the popular guys, so having Lu telling me those guys thought I was cool was pretty shocking and heartwarming.

- "Hey, doc! I heard you met Mrs. (Y/L/N),"- Frank said from the other side of the room, causing everybody to look at me. I nodded awkwardly and took a sip of my beer- "She's hot, isn't she?"

- "Frank!!"- (Y/N) yelled and hit his arm- "You are talking about my mom!!"

- "I am not ashamed, Nugget! You know what I think about her!"

- "Wait, princess!"- Morgan was still laughing when he started talking- "Your mom is Mrs. Robinson?"

- "I don't know! Frank is just a perv!"- my best friend argued, looking disgusted.

- "Your mom is a hottie. Deal with it!! Mikey thinks so too!!"- Frank threw his friend under the bus trying to save his own ass. Everybody kept laughing as (Y/N) gasped and turned to see him.

- "You are a sick bastard too!!"

- "I haven't said anything!!"- Mikey tried to explain, but it was useless. Everybody kept chuckling.

- "You are thinking about my mom!!"

- "Well, I'm pretty sure Reid thought about her too!"

- "What?! Why me?!"- I shrieked, and I know I blushed.

- "You saw Mrs. (Y/L/N)! Didn't you think she was hot?"- Mikey looked at me and snickered.

- "She was very welcoming and cordial with me"- I tried to say the most neutral things possible.

- "Dude! come on! she is hot!"- Frank argued and looked at me in shock

- "She is my friend's mother!"

- "Yes! please stop talking about my mother!!"- (Y/N) kind of shouted but chuckled a little at the end.- "Instead, can we talk about how hot Morgan looks tonight?"

- "What?"- Derek raised an eyebrow- "Where is that coming from, princess?"

- "Pure honestly"- (Y/N) replied with a warm smile- "Doesn't he, Garcia?"

- "My chocolate thunder is always the center of my attention,"- Penelope answered and winked at Morgan- "And it's not just tonight. He is always delicious."

I shook my head and took a look around. All my friends were together in the same room. For the first time ever. Only Ethan was missing.

- "(Y/N), where do you have more dishes?"- Prentiss asked her as (Y/N) walked back from the kitchen, carrying a tray with drinks.

- "I'll help you"- I quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed a few more dishes, plus napkins and a few coasters.

- "Thank you, honey bunny"- (Y/N) whispered and smiled at me when I walked back with everything.

- "You surely know your way around this house."- JJ pointed out, with a somehow suspicious tone of voice.

- "We hang out here a lot."- I explained and looked around, trying to find my beer.

- "Here you have, doc"- Mikey handed me a cold one, and I nodded- "The band has a gig Halloween night. If you are in town, you have to go."

- "Sure! I'd love to!"

- "You have a band?"- Garcia asked awed, and Mikey nodded- "You two? together?"

- "Yeah"- Mikey confirmed and looked at Frank, who talked with Morgan and (Y/N)- "Nugget and the doc are our biggest fans. They never miss a show when they are in town."

- "You go to rock shows?!"- Garcia was now in shock and hit my arm- "Does he go to the shows wearing band's t-shirts and jeans?! or in his usual wardrobe??"

Mikey chuckled and looked at me with a confused stare.

- "They don't hang out with you outside work a lot, do they?"

- "Yes! We do!"- and Penelope nearly jumped, insulted by those words- "We are just surprised 'cos there's a whole lot of our resident genius we haven't seen yet! like... going to rock shows!"

- "So you haven't seen him drunk? 'cos drunk doc is a beast!"

- "I am not a beast!"

- "I haven't seen him drunk! Boy wonder!! Why are you wilder with (Y/N)'s friends and not with us?"

- "We are his friends too,"- Mikey corrected her and smiled- "And we might push doc a little further, like the day we bet we couldn't drink a box of milk in 30 seconds."

I laughed, thinking about that moment, embarrassed and amused at the same time. It was true; the guys and I had a completely different dynamic than the one I had with my work team. Probably because from day one, neither Lu, Mikey, nor Frank labeled me as a dork. Well, sure, I was one, but so were them. They made me part of the group instead of being the "weird one" of the group. Somehow with Mikey, Lu, and Frank, I could be just plain Spencer and not Doctor Reid and allow myself to do silly, weird, dorky things, not afraid to be judged.

- "When did that happen?!"- JJ was in shock, overhearing that conversation and walking over with Lu.

- "A few weeks ago,"- Mikey answered and chuckled. I wasn't drunk that night; we just had a few beers. And it had been Frank who was incredibly persuasive about trying the milk challenge.

- "I made an equation, and we tried to beat it,"- I explained JJ, and Mikey laughed right away- "According to it, a regular human being might drink a whole box of milk in 33,3 seconds, and Frank argue he could do it in 30."

- "Spoiler, he couldn't"- Mikey added- "But he gave it a good fight, nearly died, choking."

- "Technically, he would have drowned"- I corrected- "It's called "dry drowning." It happens when water is in the mouth or nose and the vocal cords spasm, trapping the water, causing the person to asphyxiated."

- "That's a real thing?"- Garcia questioned in shock.

- "Yes, you drown, but you don't get any water in your lungs. Instead, it goes through your nose and your mouth, and the muscles close off and spasm."

- "Wow"- Mikey tapped on my back a few times and smiled- "I love that you know so much weird shit, doc. Happy birthday!"

- "Thank you..."

My birthday celebration was a blast. Mikey, Lu, and Frank were the hit of the party, and the BAU loved them. Penelope had a rocky start with Mikey, I think 'cos she was a little jealous I had done more weird things with them than with her, but everything was smooth after they shared their third beer.

I laughed so much my face hurt. Morgan and Frank told the weirdest and most incredible stories. Prentiss came up with a few fun games to play, and everybody was on board with them. Even Hotch. Lu and JJ talked a lot, and the two of them seemed to get along just fine.

(Y/N) was incredible. She made sure everything was perfect. The fact my birthday party had Halloween decorations melted my heart. She had all my favorite snacks, pizza toppings, and drinks. Even a Halloween cupcake. What else could I ask for in life? I had everything I always dreamt of: a family. And a best friend who loved me. Not in the same way I did love her, but you can't always have everything in life, right?

- "Thank you for everything, Munchkin!!"- one drunk Garcia hugged (Y/N) for the hundredth time, standing by the door. At two in the morning, she was the only one left, along with Morgan, who was her drive back home.

- "See you Monday at work, batgirl"- (Y/N) hugged her and giggled as Garcia nearly choked her with her tight embrace.

- "And you come here!!"- Penelope hugged me too and kissed my cheek- "I love you so much, boy wonder!! I'm so happy you are happy, 'cos you deserve to be the happiest you can be!"

- "Thank you, Garcia,"- I giggled and looked at Morgan- "Are you going to be ok?"

- "Hey!"- Penelope hit my arm (for the hundredth time that night) and frowned- "What do you mean if he is going to be ok? I can behave!"

- "I know you can! I'm sure you can! I'm asking Morgan 'cos it's late and he has to drive!"

- "I'm gonna be ok, kid."- Derek answered and smiled at me- "Do you need a ride?"- I shook my head and heard the words I was secretly waiting to listen to all night long.

- "You can crush the couch if you want to,"- (Y/N) suggested and turned to me, shrugging.

- "I can help you clean,"- I added right away, and she smiled. Morgan stayed still, staring at me, and I swear he was trying to read every single facial movement I could do. So I just looked at him and smiled.

- "Ok then, we'll leave you two alone. See you Monday at work"- Derek tapped on my back and gave (Y/N) a small hug. Garcia winked and walked out.

Just like that, it was finally just the two of us.

- "Did you have fun?"- (Y/N) whispered after she closed the door and rested her back against the wood. I nodded and smiled, staring at her eyes shine.

- "Very much. This was actually my first surprise party."

- "Ever?"- (Y/N) questioned and frowned- "Really? then I am glad I didn't know that before, 'cos I don't think I could have managed the pressure of having to make you the best surprise party on earth."

- "You raised to the occasion"- she smiled and walked to the kitchen. And I followed her.

- "Are you hungry?"- I heard her asking as she opened the fridge. I grabbed a bunch of dishes and glasses on my way to the kitchen and piled them on the sink.

- "Not really. I think it was really too much pizza."

- "Spencer Walter Reid, there is never enough pizza,"- she argued, trying to stay serious.

- "My stomach is telling me otherwise."

- "So there's no room left for a slice of chocolate raspberry cake?"- I turned around and found her smiling from the fridge. She held a cake and giggled playfully.

- "You baked another?"

- "I had some free time this morning, and I had the feeling this is how the evening was going to end."

I don't think there are enough words in the vocabulary to express how those words made me feel. And most of all, I don't think my brain functioned correctly each time (Y/N) looked at me how she was going that moment.

- "So honey. You, me, your new blu ray of the 7th season of Doctor Who."

- "Which blu ray?"

- "The one I just got you, dork."

When I thought I couldn't love her more. There it was. My doom.

- "You are just making this incredibly impossible for your birthday,"- I joked, and she burst out laughing.

- "You can see through me, doctor. I hate it."

- "I'm the best profiler in the BAU, (Y/N)."

- "Really? then why didn't you discover I was planning this party?"- I made a pause and bit my inner cheek. (Y/N) turned to me again and crossed her arms on her chest, waiting for an answer.

- "I'm guessing 'cos you are the best liar in the BAU."

- "You are god damn right."

We cleaned the living room, left most of the dirty dishes piled on the sink to take care of them in the morning. Then we cuddled on the couch with a cup of tea and some cake each.

- "Are you comfortable?"- I asked her wrapping my arm around her neck as she rested her head on my shoulder.

- "Perfect, you?"

- "Me too"

- "Hit it, then. It's time travel time, doc."

(Y/N)'s point of view

I woke up in Spencer's arms. He was taking me bridal style to my room. My face was pressed against his chest, and I swear I felt butterflies in my stomach just feeling his smell.

- "What is going on?"- I mumbled and saw him smiling at me.

- "You were snoring on the couch, so I'm taking you to bed."- he whispered, placing me carefully on my bed. Then, he took out my shoes and covered me with the blanket.

- "Stay,"- I pleaded and held his hand- "Don't sleep on the couch tonight. Stay with me."

I kept my eyes closed, 'cos it was embarrassing to see him as I asked him to sleep with me on the same bed.

- "Are you sure?"

- "It's your birthday. You can't sleep on a couch. And it's not like it hadn't happened before."

I knew I was right. We had slept together in the same room many times while we were out of town during cases. We had also slept together in the same bed before when Reid was detoxing in my house; though we never actually talked about it, it just happened. Those times we literally just passed out due to exhaustion. But this time was different. That was me asking him to stay with me. And he didn't refuse.

I heard him take off his shoes and then walked around the room until he reached the other side of the bed and got under the covers with me.

- "Good night, batsy,"- I whispered and snuggled closer to him. He didn't even hesitate and hugged me tight, leaving a sweet kiss on the top of my head.

- "Good night, chipmunk"- his voice was soft and careful, just as his hands were caressing my back. I sighed and snuggled even closer, craving more of his touch.

- "Happy birthday, honey bunny."

- "Thank you, ma chère"- those words gave me shivers, and the way he murmured them made me feel things I shouldn't have felt for him, especially if he was in that bed with me.

I didn't want to be in love with Spencer. But I couldn't stop those feelings. I had to remind myself he didn't see me the same way. It was hard to deal with those feelings when I was cuddled with him in my bed. And I knew I had gotten under that situation willingly. But I just couldn't help myself. For once, I wanted to know what it felt like to sleep in Spencer's arms. I could pretend to be cool the following day, but right there under those blankets, all I wanted was to pretend he loved me the way I loved him.

Is that too sad? Maybe pathetic? Holding your best friend close in the middle of the night, pretending he is your boyfriend. Feeling how you fall deeper and deeper in love with him, knowing you will never actually kiss him or even romantically hold his hand. But it doesn't matter, 'cos what he gives you every day is way more important than that.

I snuggled closer to Spencer, feeling how he locked his arms around me. I inhaled deeply, trying to burn in my memory how everything felt like. I looked at him for a second and decided to force myself to sleep. I knew it would be hard, 'cos though I was weary, I wanted to enjoy that moment for as long as possible.

There I was, The Ice Princess like Paul had called me once, melted in Spencer's arms, wishing there was a way to stay there forever.

- "Are you ok?"- I heard Reid whisper suddenly, slightly moving to put an eye on me.

- "Yeah, why?"

- "Because you can't sleep."

- "Am I keeping you up?"

- "No... I was worried you weren't comfortable."

- "I am"- I murmured and sighed- "I was just going over the day again. But I'll fall asleep in a minute."

- "Ok..."

- "Are you comfortable?"- he hummed in response and caressed my back sweetly until I started zoning out slowly.

I didn't want to fall asleep, 'cos being awake for once was better than dreaming.

Yes. As cheesy as that.

I woke up to the smell of coffee the next morning. Spencer had made breakfast, and he had also done pretty much all the dishes. As a result, my house was cleaner than it was before the party.

- "You didn't have to clean the whole place on your own,"- I argued as I sat at the kitchen island and sipped my cup of coffee.

- "I know, but I wanted to thank you for throwing an amazing party- Spencer smiled and held his cup of coffee with both hands for a moment- I wanted to make you breakfast, but all I managed to do was the Spencer Reid Special

- "You know I love it!"- I chuckled and watched him turn around to get me a bowl of cereal and milk.

- "Breakfast of champs!"- I teased and grabbed my spoon- "Did you sleep well?"

- "Yes, very much. You?"

- "I don't think I sleep. I fell unconscious. I didn't even hear you get out of bed. I was too tired. It's been a long couple of weeks."- I chewed my cereal as Spencer sat across from me.

- "Yes. But we've managed well without Gideon"- Spencer brought him up, and that surprised me. He hadn't talked about him or even said Gideon's name for the last few weeks.

- "Yeah, we did a fantastic job"- I reassured his words, and he nodded in silence- "Are you excited to meet David Rossi?"

- "Yeah! I mean, that man is a legend. I can't believe he wants to leave retirement and join the BAU again after all these years."

- "I heard he is freaking loaded"- I finished my cereal and sipped my coffee- "Garcia told me that he shouldn't even work anymore with all the money he has made from his book."

- "Why do you think he wants to come back to the BAU?"- Spencer asked and looked into my eyes with a childish expression.

- "I have no idea. Maybe being a millionaire is not as exciting as catching serial killers."

I stood up as I spoke and opened the fridge. There was still some cake left, and I knew Spencer would love to have his sugary coffee with even more sugar.

- "Or perhaps he has unfinished business,"- he said and smiled as soon as he saw the pastry.

- "I just hope he is nice. I don't want to deal with an asshole with a gigantic ego who can't handle working as a team."

- "I heard Hotch saying he is very nice."

- "Assholes are usually nice with Hotch."

- "Are you implying Hotch is an asshole?"- I set to dishes and frowned at Reid as I cut a slice of cake.

- "No! I am saying assholes respect him. And they are colleagues. I don't know if Rossi will work well with younger people, though."

- "We'll have to see tomorrow."

Reid was right. And I didn't want to create a false idea of David Rossi in my head before I met him. I had already read all of his books, and when Hotch told us he might join the team, I hyperventilated for a bit of bit. I mean it when I say David Rossi is a legend. Working along with him would be the most incredible experience ever. But only if he was nice.

I had worked hard for almost two years to get where I was in the BAU. And I didn't want to go through the whole process again, proving to Rossi I deserved to be where I was.

- "So, do you have any plans for today?"- Spencer asked me suddenly, and I just shook my head- "Mikey said they had a show on October 31st."

- "Yes! And that happens to be also Frank's birthday! So be prepared, 'cos if we are in town, we are gonna party hard that night!!"- Spencer smiled and nodded.

- "Then maybe we could go get him a present later,"- he suggested.

- "Deal. And perhaps some new Halloween decorations."

Oh! His excited face was priceless. That boy loves Halloween as much as I do, and each year we got all the best decor to keep our houses festive all year long. 'Cos we are Halloween dorks.

- "You know, Garcia and JJ were pretty shocked last night when they found out I go out and party with you and the guys."

- "Why?"- I cut him a second slice of cake and put it on his dish. He shrugged and sipped his coffee.

- "I guess they didn't know I am human."

- "Don't say that, honey."

- "It was a little upsetting too."

- "Why?"

- "'Cos they kept calling them "your friends," referring to you, and they kept telling them they are my friends too. What? So now I can't party or have friends?"

Spencer was honestly upset with those facts, and I could totally understand why. Everybody treated him like a kid and a nerd. They now knew he did things that weren't expected from someone like him, like going to rock shows and partying. So, of course, they were going to be shocked.

- "Have I ever told you meeting you is the best thing that the BAU has given me?"- I answered, in a rush of honesty that came out of nowhere.

- "No"- he mumbled and pouted like a kid- "Why are you telling me this?"

- "'Cos I wanted you to know."- I smiled and stared at him for a second- "Never let anyone make you feel you are less than awesome, Spencer Walter Reid. 'Cause you are the most amazing person I've ever met."

The way he looked at me, in a weird mix between shock and gratitude, melted me. After that, he didn't say anything; he just blushed. And I guess I was too scared to continue talking, 'cause all I managed to do next was excuse myself and lock in the bathroom to shower.

Spencer's point of view

I walked into the bullpen the following Monday, ready to spread my Halloween love. After spending Sunday with (Y/N), I was in a fully Halloween mood. We had gotten Frank a birthday present, also did some Halloween shopping, and even got pumpkins to carve that day after work. October is my favorite month, and Halloween is hands down my favorite season.

- "I'm going to eat you!!"- I groaned on Morgan's neck and made him jump in frighten as Prentiss laughed, staring at the scene. I was wearing a Frankenstein mask, carrying bags of candies and a bunch of decorations for my desk and the office.

- "Reid!"- Derek complained, but I just smiled and took off my mask.

- "Happy all hallows eve, folk!!"- I waved and walked to my desk- "To paraphrase from Celtic mythology, tomorrow night, all order is suspended, and the barriers between the natural and the supernatural are temporarily removed!!"- I joked and threw Emily a plastic vudú head. But Morgan wasn't in the mood, I guess.

- "See, that right there is why Halloween creeps me out."

- "You are scared of Halloween??"- I narrowed my eyes and looked at him, not getting what he was talking about.

- "I didn't say I was scared. I said I was creeped out. There's a difference there, youngster. You should look it out."

- "What creeps you out about it?"- Emily asked what I was about to.

- "I don't know, people wearing masks"- he pointed at me and added- "I don't like folks in disguises."

- "That's the best thing about Halloween. You can be anyone you want to be"- I argued and threw some candies to him to cheer up his morning.

- "Nah, I'm pretty good just being me."

- "Yeah, why is it that neither of those points of view surprises me?"

Emily joked and shook her head. I was about to discuss Morgan's point when I saw (Y/N) walk into the bullpen. She was carrying a gigantic plastic Jacko lantern while wearing a zombie mask we had just gotten together the day before.

- "I want brain!!"- she moaned, and Emily laughed as soon as she saw her.

- "Not you too, princess!!"- Morgan whined as soon as he saw her- "We were just talking about this."

- "What? You are not a Halloween fan?"

- "Not as much as you two nerds"- he answered and shook his head- "You know what, though? On the flip side, it does provide a pretty good reason to cozy up with a scary flick and a little Halloween honey."

And as soon as Derek said those words, (Y/N) and Emily frowned, disgusted.

- "Halloween honey, now I am creeped out,"- Emily argued, and (Y/N) shook her head, leaving the Jacko lantern on her desk carefully.

- "Guys, he's here,"- I warned them, trying to be as discreet as possible, but I don't think it worked. David Rossi walked over, along with section chief Erin Strauss. (Y/N) made a gesture and reminded me to take off my mask, as I quickly did my best to look presentable. Rossi just smiled at us and walked straight to Hotch's office.

- "So, do you guys think he is going to stay here for good?"- (Y/N) asked, standing by my side. She reached out and handed me a bag filled with my favorite candies for no reason and just smiled.

- "I don't know. Maybe they asked him to fill in while they find a replacement for Gideon,"- Emily said, her eyes glued at Hotch's office, though none of us could see a thing of what was going on in there. We just saw Strauss walking out and JJ walking over, most likely to announce Hotch we had a case.

- "So, what did you guys do Saturday after we left?"- Morgan asked (Y/N) and me and smiled pleased, probably ready to tease us over anything we might tell him.

- "Nothing really, we got naked and did the dirty on every spot you sat on in my apartment."

(Y/N) answered as casually as possible, not even paying attention to his face. Emily burst out laughing, and I know I blushed, looking down at the files on my desk.

- "There's no need to get all defensive, princess,"- Morgan answered and shook his head, smiling at her.

- "Well, it's not the first time you ask about what we've done with that teasing tone of voice, so excuse me for giving you the answer you wanted to hear."

- "Guys,"- I whispered and looked over. Emily and Derek stood up as soon as they noticed Hotch and Rossi were walking towards us.

- "SSA David Rossi, this is SSA Emily Prentiss"

- "Sir!"- she smiled and shook his hand as he nodded.

- "SSA Derek Morgan,"- Hotch announced, and my friend shook Rossi's hand.

- "It's an honor, agent Rossi."

- "Please, just Dave."

- "SSA (Y/L/N)"- he said, and (Y/N) shook his hand too.

- "Nice to meet you, sir."

- "And Doctor Spencer Reid"

- "Sir, if I could talk to you later about your work with the Scarsdale skinner. Psycho-linguistics is an incredibly dynamic field, and the fact that your profile for his reading habit ultimately led to his capture is something I find so incredibly intriguing."

- "Reid"- I know I was carried away when Hotch interrupted me- "Reid, slow down. He'll be here for a while. You can catch up with him later."

Rossi was a little overwhelmed. I'm guessing it was because he was meeting many new people, which can be pretty intimidating at any age. So I smiled and nodded.

- "Sorry,"- I whispered and looked at Hotch to see if he was mad at me, but no. If anything, he was amused.

- "No problem, doctor,"- Rossi added and smiled.

- "Maybe you guys can talk on the jet,"- Hotch suggested, surprising Rossi.

- "The jet?"

- "We've got a jet now"- and Hotch even smiled at Rossi, who was honestly shocked.

- "Are you serious?"

- "Yeah, it comes pretty handily. Come on, JJ is waiting."

Hotch and Rossi walked away to the conference room. Emily followed them, along with Morgan, who also teased me and smiled. I stood still and waited for (Y/N) for a second and felt her hand on mine as we walked to catch with the team. She just smiled, and I did the same. Moments like those were the ones that made me keep going, kept me sane, and made me feel honestly happy. I didn't want it to end.

But it did. Eventually.

The case took us to Carrollton, Texas. It was the first one we had with David Rossi as a part of the team, and it was weird. Rossi didn't really know how to work as a team, and if there was something the BAU had in its DNA was working together, no matter what.

The first time on the field with him, he barely talked to (Y/N) or me. As a matter of fact, she then pointed out she felt we were on his way. In fact, he collected his thoughts and wrote everything he might come up with but never spoke it out loud. So we had to take the words from him.

- "The man is a legend, (Y/N)"- I sipped his coffee and looked at how my best friend shook her head. We were sitting at the Carrollton police office, waiting for Hotch to finish talking with the police chief so we could deliver the profile to all the officials.

- "So? The fact he is a famous profiler means he can't fucking talk to us? give me a break! he is acting like a diva!"

- "He and Gideon created the BAU"- I tried to make a point, but I knew I didn't have any good point to save Rossi from my best friend's.

- "We are ready to deliver the profile,"- JJ announced, and the two of us stood up quickly- "Hey, I'm sorry you missed your concert,"- she whispered as we walked to meet the rest of the team.

- "Yeah, I was looking forward to seeing Frank and Mikey's band live,"- I said and smiled at her, surprised she remembered it.

- "Were your friends too upset?"

- "No, they are already used to it, which is actually pretty upsetting too. That means we've lost a lot of shows. But they know it's because we are working, and not because we don't want to go"- JJ smiled at me and chuckled slightly.

- "What? You still can't believe I go to rock shows?"- I asked her and raised an eyebrow, trying to understand her reaction.

- "No, it's just that you keep saying "we," and it makes you sound like you are an old married couple who does everything together,"- she answered and shook her head as she pointed at (Y/N) and me. I didn't know what to say at that, and I don't think (Y/N) heard her, or she would have said something (anything) to JJ. I just stared at her confused, and she cut me one more smile before we heard Emily speak.

- "There's a sophistication and patience in what this unsub does that suggests a level of maturity. We believe this puts his age in the mid-30s to 40s range."- Prentiss started describing the serial killer we were hunting. I turned to her and nodded, ready to continue giving the profile.

- "Michelle Colucci was taken from the primary crime scene and disposed of at the tertiary crime scene four days later. That means she was held somewhere for at least three days. You can't really just hold a victim anywhere for days on end, so he most likely has access to a house of some kind."

- "And he's also fairly tech-savvy"- Morgan continued- "The fliers were made on a computer, and it's probable that he used a device to intercept the last victim's phone call."

- "Witnesses in the victim's neighborhood say they might have seen a white man putting up fliers, but none of them could describe him. Even with all the media this case has received"- Hotch added. One of the detectives sighed, annoyed we couldn't give him anything better.

- "Great"

- "Actually, what that tells us is that there is absolutely nothing remarkable about this man,"- (Y/N) said and looked straight into the detective's eyes- "He is exceedingly average. Average height, average build."

- "It extends to his professional life as well,"- I added and nodded at her- "He most likely works in a field where he doesn't stand out. Doesn't really make a mark."

- "His lack of distinction is part of his psychopathy,"- (Y/N) said and took a look around the room- "We have hundreds of interactions with people every day. Most of those involve someone overlooking someone else. Most of us don't pay attention to being ignored, but to this kind of unsub, each oversight is intentional, especially when it comes from this object of sexual desire. He begins to obsess over her until she is all he can think about, and the rage builds until he has to attack that person."

- "So he is pissed off that nobody noticed him?"- the sheriff asked and narrowed his eyes. Most people get upset when they find out serial killers do what they do for such pointless reasons.

Hotch was starting to explain his plan to the sheriff and how we would make him contact the police when his attention focused on the tv. The news showed the exact same mask the killer was using on his victims, something we had explicitly asked everybody not to share with the press.

- "JJ, how'd they get that?"- Hotchner's voice was shocked and upset. JJ looked at him, confused, shaking her head.

- "Not from me! Hotch, I called the local police departments, and I stressed withholding the mask!"

- "I called them"- Rossi pointed to the tv as soon as he walked into the room and didn't give it much thought to what was going on. We all looked at each other, confused, and waited for Aaron's reaction.

- "What?"

- "I said the FBI think the mask means he's impotent,"- Rossi explained, and none of us moved or even said a word. All we could notice was how Hotch's face was trying to hide his anger.

- "Can I speak to you for a second?"- he asked David, and the two of them walked away.

- "So, assholes were usually nice with Hotch, right?"- I whispered into (Y/N)'s ear and heard her chuckle. Morgan looked at us and frowned. I guess it wasn't the time for humor after all.

- "So the legend likes to fly solo,"- Prentis whispered as she stood by our side.

- "Are you surprised?"- (Y/N) crossed her arms on her chest and sighed. All of us kept an eye on the door that separated us from Hotch and Rossi.

- "I don't know. I wasn't expecting this today, but I can't say I'm shocked either"- Emily murmured and shook her head- "I just thought maybe he'd know how to work with a team."

- "Now I'm scared,"- (Y/N) said and looked around- "Do you think he knows how to work with females on the team? Or will he keep asking us to bring him coffee?"- Prentiss chuckled at (Y/N)'s words, and Morgan placed a hand on her shoulder.

- "Come on, princess, he is old but not that old."

- "I already went through a lot to validate myself in front of Aaron and Gideon the last two years"- (Y/N) confessed- "I am not planning to do the same with him. He has to know, everybody in this team is here for a reason."

- "We are not letting him do that,"- Derek assured her and cut him a warm smile- "Personally, I won't let him do that."

We caught the killer later that very same day. Well, Rossi killed him, to be completely honest. The team reached his house and saved the last victim. She was hurt, but she was going to be ok soon. The neighborhood was filled with kids trick or treating, and the fact the area was surrounded by police cars and ambulances alerted everybody.

- "Honey..."- (Y/N) whispered and held my hand as she walked me down the street- "Those kids are watching the police procedure, and I don't wanna ruin their Halloween."- she said and pouted.

- "Do you wanna give them some candies?"- I asked her and opened my satchel- "I still got some of the ones you gave me."

- "I love you so much"- she kissed my cheek and grabbed some of the candies. I stayed still for a second and just stared at her walking to the kids and how their faces lit up when they saw the candies. I guessed that's how I looked whenever she walked to me.

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Next update: June 2nd, 2021