#everyone needs therapy that includes YOU | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lyjen · 1 month

Text

Freeway 710

Summary: When (Y/n) drives home from her work, she meets the 710 freeway wrong-way driver. The 118, including her fiancé Evan gets dispatched to the scene. When the 118 finds the car on the scene, (Y/n) is barely conscious and Evan tries to keep himself together.

Request by: @shauna-carsley

Taglist: @oliviah-25 @shauna-carsley

9-1-1 Masterlist

(Y/n) stepped down on the gas pedal as soon as she entered the 710 freeway in Los Angeles. Driving on the freeway was always something that made (Y/n) nervous, even though she had to drive over that road every single day to get to work and back.

But on the other hand, driving was like some kind of therapy for her. It was one of the moments she could empty her mind, something she really needed after a day of work. She didn’t have a typical 9 to 5 job everyone talked about.

(Y/n) worked for the 9-1-1 Metro Dispatch Center in Los Angeles. She loved the job, but it could be heavy sometimes. You would be expecting the most normal calls, the house fires, someone breaking into someone's home or someone having a medical emergency. But apparently there are so many more kinds of emergencies, but you wouldn’t know until you were an actual dispatcher.

A yawn left (Y/n)’s mouth as she looked over her shoulder to see if she could switch lanes. With her left hand she clicked the blinker on to the left and switched lanes.

The job was fun, sometimes tiring, but it was something she was born to do: help people. And the best part of it was the fact that she could stay anonymous. Something she didn’t like was being in the spotlight, and this way she could do both.

All she wanted right now was to get home, drop herself on the couch and sleep, or maybe watch some trash tv.

(Y/n)’s thoughts wandered, something that sometimes happened as she was tired. She would start daydreaming. She knew the route from home to work and back like the back of her hand, she could dream it if she wanted to. She would stay focussed on the road, but after driving this road so many times you start to get used to a routine.

Her sweaty palms held onto the steering wheel as she switched the blinker up, gesturing to the other drivers on the 710 that she was going to the right lane. With another quick look into her blind spot, she moved the car to the other lane again.

Her hand reached out for the touchscreen panel, trying to skip the song that was currently on. (Y/n)’s eyes wandered back from the screen towards the road as she could hear other drivers in the distance from her start using their horn. Something that would make her mad and her anxiety rise if it came from the cars behind her.

“Really?” she sighed as the honks kept sounding over the freeway. But when the cars in front of her started to move towards the side and her eyes were completely in focus with the two headlights in front of her.

She felt like a deer looking into headlights, literally. Her pupils grew wide as she tried to react to the sudden situation she was in. But suddenly she didn’t know what to do, she felt like she was frozen. She couldn’t think, or act. Like the connection between her brain and her nerves system was cut off, as if some kind of error had occurred.

Just a few feet before the car would’ve smashed hers, she yanked the steering wheel towards the right to avoid the wrong-way driver.

The second she saw the other driver pass her car, she thought she had made it through without any scratches. It wasn’t until another car hit her passenger side, her forehead connects with the steering wheel as the airbag goes off and lashes her head back against the headrest of the carseat.

(Y/n) could feel the car start to spin. But those spins quickly made the car flip to the side and go over the head multiple times. A loud squeal left her lips as she could feel her body being shaken up. It felt like her stomach together with all the intestines almost came out of her mouth.

The smell of the engine fought its way through her nostrils.Her throat was burning from all the screams and cries that had left her mouth as the car finally stopped rolling.

A groan left her lips as she had a throbbing pain in her head and her ears were ringing due to the airbag going off, it was hard to focus on anything really.

She could feel all the blood from her body go towards her head, which made her realize that the car was flipped upside down.

Her eyes filled with panic, she tapped her fingers onto the display where her phone was connected to. It wasn’t reacting to the contact of her fingertip.

Broken. Of course.

She could feel herself slip away, as she tried to keep herself conscious, but she didn’t know how. She needed to find her phone. She squeezed her eyes closed for a second, trying to get back her vision, but it only became worse.

And the fact it was dark outside didn’t help much either. The mix of a blurry vision and the darkness outside didn’t give her an advantage.

Her breathing was becoming shallow, and she could feel the blood dripping off her forehead, into the car. She scanned her surroundings, until her eye fell onto a black haze. That had to be her bag.

She tries to reach out, but as she tries to make her body longer, a scream leaves her mouth and a throbbing sensation spreads in her leg.

Short breaths were passing her lips. Her leg was killing her, her head and arm were starting to hurt even more. The adrenaline must be leaving her body.

But she had to get to her phone. How was someone going to find her otherwise? She needed to get through the pain and call for help, it was the only way.

With her arm she reached out for the black blur that must be her bag. She bites her lower lip as she could feel the pain in her leg becoming worse as she reached further and further. Her fingertips brushed the handles of her bag.

Another scream leaves her mouth as she reaches another small inch further and finally manages to grab her bag. She quickly rumbled in her bag as she fished out her phone.

Her eyes wandered over the screen as she couldn’t see anything but a blur. She could blink for minutes, but it wouldn’t matter because her eyes wouldn’t stop projecting a blurry vision.

How was she going to call someone if she couldn’t read the numbers?

She held the on and off button, as soon as she heard the tone that Siri was activated. “Siri call nine, one, one” She watched the phone go to the caller screen as a few drops of blood fell off her face onto the screen.

As she waited for an operator to pick up, her vision was starting to project black dots. Her ears were still ringing, but she could hear the phone trying to connect with dispatch.

“9-1-1 are you calling about the pile up?” The familiar operator's voice sounded through the phone. It was a young one, and there only worked one younger person there than (Y/n) .

It was May, Athena’s daughter.

Her voice sounded dull in the back of her mind as a gasp fell off her lips. “I think.. I-.. I was in it.” she stumbled with a soft voice, as if she was whispering. She was trying to breathe away the pain she felt in her entire body.

“First responders are on scene and working, you should be able to see them.” May said as she typed details from the call on to the log.

“I- don’t see.. anyone” her weak voice said as she looked around the car, seeing nothing but the night sky and feeling her own blood dripping off her face onto the roof of the car. Which was now connected with the ground.

“Are you injured?” the younger girl’s voice asked through the phone.

“I think my leg is stuck” she claimed. The black and white dots in her eyes were expanding and multiplying until she couldn’t see anything at all.

“Are you there? Ma’-” May's voice sounded on the background, getting duller with each letter she was pronouncing, but the call got cut off. The only thing she could see right now is the color black as she heard the beeping sound fade out.

Evan was just walking beside his captain, as he heard Sue’s voice over the radio. “Dispatch to one eighteen, come in. This is Sue” the voice from Sue, the supervisor of the Metro Dispatch Centre, sounded over the channel on their radio. Evan’s eyebrows furrowed at the sound of Sue. Why was she talking over the radio? That was something that rarely happened.

Bobby wrapped his hand around the radio as he pushed in the button to speak. “Go for captain Nash” he said as he let go of the button which turned his microphone on. Evan and Bobby kept walking over the freeway, scanning the scene if there were any more persons trapped in their cars or in any other way of distress.

Evan’s eyes swept over the scene, crashed cars, broken windows and mirrors, and lots of damage. And this all because a woman was drunk and decided to get in the driver's seat. He couldn’t believe that the woman in this situation had a little underage boy in the backseat.

“Captain Nash, we received a call from a woman, who claims that she was in the pile up on the freeway seven ten.” The sound of Sue sounded through the radio clipped on Buck’s turnout jacket.

Did they miss someone? It couldn’t be. Buck was sure he had checked every vehicle, every small corner. But he was starting to question if he didn’t miss anything.

Bobby seemed confused, his eyes furrowed at Sue’s words. Evan could read on his captain’s face that he was going off some kind of mental checklist. “I’m sure we’ve already extricated everyone that has been in this crash, are they sure she was in this crash?” Bobby knew for sure he and his crew already checked every vehicle.

“Hold on captain, we are trying to get the phone’s coördinates” Sue’s voice said again. In the meantime Evan and Bobby stopped both in their tracks, waiting for Sue to find the exact location of the phone that sent her the coordinates. Evan focussed his eyes down onto the asphalt of the freeway, trying to make out if maybe he did see anything.

Evan did remember lots of cars crashed into each other, but he didn’t see any other vehicles get off the road somehow. He would’ve spotted it. He never missed a victim.

His eyes shot up as he could hear the noise from the radio pop up again. “The location from the caller is the forty-three exit ramp” the female voice spoke.

Evan’s eyes wandered over the scene to see where they were. When he couldn’t find any signs telling him where they were, he quickly turned around. His eyes found those green freeway signs, telling him exactly where they were.

Exit ramp forty-six.

His stomach turned as his eyes read the sign. They were three exits further than where another car had crashed? Evan slowly turned back around towards Bobby. “So.. this car wasn’t in the pile up.” He concluded.

“She was in front of it.” Bobby added to Evan’s conclusion.

How didn’t anyone else see that one car? People behind the car that got hit should’ve seen it, right? “Everybody on me! Come on, let's move!” Bobby said loudly as he waved his team over as he was running towards the truck.

They needed to get back to exit ramp forty-three as soon as possible. This victim was hurt, and was in need of immediate medical attention. Every second counts in these kinds of situations.

Just as Evan jumps in the truck as the last one of his team. He shut the door with a bang as he made a fist with his hand and banged it against the roof of the truck, as a sign that the truck could go. “Let’s go!” Evan’s voice spoke as Miller stepped on the gas pedal.

Even though Miller’s foot touched the bottom of the truck with the gas pedal, it felt like a dozen minutes until they arrived at exit ramp forty-three.

Evan’s eyes didn’t leave the sight of the window he was looking through. He was on a mission. He was going to find that car that he couldn’t have missed. And he for sure wasn’t missing it now.

The truck pulled to a stop, even before it pulled to a stop, he flung open the door and he jumped out. Scanning every inch of the entire scene.

His eyes rushed over the scene until his eyes fell onto the sign ‘Exit 43’. He let his eyes wander not even an inch lower, until he spotted tire tracks in front of the sign.

His veins were being filled with adrenaline as soon as he saw those tire tracks. “Hey hey! Tire tracks! Right here!” Evan pointed out as he looked over his shoulder, looking at his team, silently asking if they were seeing it too.

From a distance he could spot a small amount of smoke floating into the air and spreading itself. ”Let’s go let’s go!” he yelled at the team as he started running towards the side of the road, following the tire tracks into the grass. Just at the edge of the grass he stopped in his steps as he scanned the scene. Suddenly his stomach turned at the sight.

A blue Mini Cooper.

******

A soft smile was projected on (Y/n)’s face as Evan held the door open for her and she ducked a little to avoid hitting her head against his arm. She walked through the doors of the bar where she and Evan had spent their Friday night.

No date, no alcohol, just a few drinks with a friend. It was nice, having someone to talk to who didn’t do the same job as you. (Y/n) didn’t have many friends, and most of the time after her shift at the dispatch center all she wanted to do was to go home.

But when she got that text from Buck, asking if she wanted to grab some drinks after shift. She couldn’t say no. Mainly because she had a bad shift, and she needed to vent to someone, but also because somehow she couldn’t seem to stay away from the firefighter.

“Thank you. I really needed this” (Y/n)’s voice spoke up as Evan caught up and was walking on her right side. With her hands in the pockets of her beige thin corduroy jacket, she glanced over at Evan who gave her a small smile. “Glad I could offer that listening ear for you.” his voice said as he nodded, happy that he sent that text message.

There was silence, not the awkward kind. It was nice, she felt comfortable.

Evan stopped in his tracks. “Hey, do you need a ride home?” he carefully asked, he didn’t want to push her into anything. She gave him another small smile as she stopped walking too and was in front of him. “That’s sweet of you, but…” she opened her bag and dug in the small compartment, as she fished out her car keys from her bag.

”Already taken care of that” she smiles as the hanger of the key chain was balancing on her index finger, moving it slightly as if it was some kind of price.

“Always thinking ten steps ahead” he chuckles.

A small laugh fell off her lips as she looked down at her feet, and let her eyes slowly wander back to his face. “Well then, can I maybe walk you to your car?” he asked, as he scratched the back of his head.

“That would be nice, thank you” she said as Evan quietly asked her which way to go. She pointed towards her left, where a small parking lot was stationed a few feet away from the restaurant and where they were now.

As they made their way towards the parking lot, (Y/n) could feel her arm brush against his. “You know, I was going to offer to even walk you back to your house” Evan spoke up. “But then I realized, I didn’t know where you live” he continued as he looked to his left.

“Very subtle” she laughed as she looked back at him. “Just a few minutes from here actually.” she added as they entered the parking lot. Fidgeting with the car keys in her hand she felt Evan’s fingers brushing against her hand.

“This is me” she smiled, pointing at the blue Mini Cooper and unlocked the car with a click on her car key. With his eyebrows furrowed, he looked at the car and back to the girl he had spent hours talking with inside the bar. “Not what you expected?” she reacted as she waited for him to speak up.

A laugh rolled off his lips. “It’s just.. I didn’t..” he couldn’t even finish his sentence, because he didn’t know what he would’ve expected otherwise. “Because if you were expecting me to drive a Toyota Prius, I’m not that kind of girl.” she teased him, as he was finding the right words.

His fingers traced over his chin, as he was thinking of what to say. “Apparently you’re a blue mini cooper kind of girl” he concluded as he pointed at the car. “Are you making fun of me?” she shot back as she took a step closer.

She could feel her breathing becoming slower and deeper. “Me? Oh I wouldn’t dare..” he said as he took a step closer, closing the distance between each other.

She could feel his deep breaths on her skin. Their noses almost touching each other. “Evan..” she sighed as she felt his hand brush over her shoulder, getting rid of the strands of hair. “(Y/n)..” his soft voice said. As the hand traced from her shoulder to the side of her face. Slightly wandering over her cheek.

“We shouldn’t..” she breathed as she felt his fingers touch hers. Their faces are dangerously close to one another. “Tell me we’re just friends..” he whispered as his hand went from touching fingers to grabbing her hand, brushing his thumb over the back of her hand. As the thumb of his other hand brushed over her cheek. “I can’t..” she said softly as she leaned in to the touch of his thumb.

She felt him leaning closer and closer, as she turned away her head, making a bee-line for his cheek. Her warm lips touched the soft, stubbled side of his face. “Goodnight, Buck”

******

Evan was sure his heart just dropped from his chest down to his feet. It was her. It was his own girlfriend, trapped in her blue Mini Cooper that was flipped upside down.

Without thinking clearly, he ran down the oblique concrete blocks. His voice screaming her name, making his throat hurt from the loudness and his legs were moving faster than his head at this point.

He didn’t know how many times her name fell off his lips, he needed her to react. To give her some sign of life.

He let himself fall down onto his knees next to the driver's side as he tried to get a visual of (Y/n). The glass windows were broken in the crash, the opening where the glass window used to be, was pancaked a few inches smaller because of the rolls it made over the concrete blocks.

It was smaller than usual, the window. But he could see her.

Cuts and bruises were spread over her face, and the blood from those wounds were smeared all over her face. “I see her!” he yells at his team as he stands up and backs away from the door so Eddie could break open the door. Eddie places the halligan he was holding between the door and the frame of the car, trying to open the jammed door.

He popped the door open, and not even a second later, Evan wormed himself through the door opening of the driver's side.

His eyes fell onto the blood on her face, dripping off her face and onto the inside part of the roof. A large stain of blood had appeared on the roof fabric, meaning she had lost a lot of blood, but he could see the blood still dripping from her head. “Looks like she has lost a lot of blood!” he concluded.

In the meanwhile, Hen had squeezed herself through the passenger's side of the car, placing her fingers against (Y/n)’s neck. “Her pulse is racing!” Hen says as Evan scanned the environment, seeing her leg being pinned between her seat and the dashboard. “Leg is pinned between the dashboard and the seat! Possible broken leg.�� Evan says.

Evan could hear Bobby commanding the others of the team to go and get the hydraulic spreaders. But he needed her to open her eyes, give him some sign of life. “(Y/n)? Can you hear me?” He asks as he softly patted his fingertips against her cheek, trying to get her conscious again.

Hen in the meanwhile, got a c-collar and put it around (Y/n)’s neck. “Please, open your eyes” Evan begged her. She was still there. He knew she was.

A groan left her mouth as she could hear his voice in the back of her mind, with her ears still ringing of the blow from the airbag.

Her eyes felt heavy, almost like there was someone trying to push them down again. As if someone didn’t want her to wake up. She fought the feeling of her eyelids closing, but she couldn’t. It felt like all her energy was being sucked out of her body.

So she needed to find her voice, and use it. “Leg..” she groaned as she felt the stinging pain in her leg become worse within the second. Evan’s eyes grew wide as he heard her soft, quiet voice through his ears.

“Hey, hey, hey! We’ve got you” He tried to keep her calm. “I need that spreader over here!” Buck said towards his team. But just as those words left his mouth, Eddie came over with the spreaders and Hen left the passenger’s side to get to the ambulance and get out the gurney.

“Okay, (Y/n).. this might hurt” Eddie says as he placed the spreaders between the chair and dashboard so the tool can push the dashboard away from the seat and her leg. Evan took off his turnout jacket as he held it as some kind of shield in front of her body and face.

She placed her hand onto a part of Evan’s leg, curling up the fabric of his turnout pants in between her fingers.

Just as an inch of the dashboard was pushed away from her leg, she felt a heavy, painful shot of pain going through her leg. She could feel the tears because of the pain welling up in her eyes as she let out a loud scream.

The scream that left her lips went through Evan’s bones, he wanted to do anything to take her pain away. With every scream her hand became stronger and pulled more and more the fabric of the turnout pants.

Multiple squeals, and screams later, her leg was free.

He felt her hand loosen her grip on his pants. Evan threw aside his turn out coat as he crouched down to finally get her body out of the upside down position she was in. But when he called out her name, to get her attention. She didn’t react.

Panic started to build inside of his body as he could feel his heart stop. There was this pressure on his chest, telling him that this wasn’t good. “(Y/n)?” he called out her name again. But as he placed his two fingers in the crook of her neck, his gut feeling was right.

She didn’t have a pulse.

“I can’t find her pulse!” he yelled, as he could feel his soul leaving his body. No. This wasn’t happening. In the middle of Evan’s panic, he could vaguely hear Bobby shouting orders, and that was when Eddie entered the passengers side. “We got you” he tried to reassure himself but also the woman in the seat.

They didn’t have time now to go and splint her leg. They needed to cut her loose and start CPR.

With his eyes locked on Eddie, he watched and heard him countdown. Eddie was holding a seatbelt cutter in his hand as Evan’s hands held both her shoulders, ready to guide her down. “One.. two.. three” Eddie’s voice counted down as he cut through the fabric of the seatbelt. Evan guided her body down, so she would land on her back. They straightened her body so Evan could carry her out through the driver’s side.

It was horrifying. Seeing someone talking and breathing and within the snap of a finger, she was unconscious and in cardiac arrest.

He placed his arms underneath her arm pits and pulled her out through the driver’s side. He guided her neck and head and placed it gently onto the backboard. Evan let himself fall onto his knees as he interlaced his right hand on top of his left hand. “Starting compressions!” he called out as he started pumping up and down his fiancé’s chest.

“Buck” Bobby’s voice spoke from behind him, as he felt a hand being placed on his shoulder. But he made a turn with his arm, telling him quietly to get off. He was busy. Saving the love of his life. “Twenty five, twenty six..” he breathed through the chest compressions.

“Buck..” Bobby said again, but this time with a more commanding tone. But he ignored it. Again. He knew he had a team of paramedics around him. He knew he could’ve just asked Hen, Eddie or Chimney to take over. But he felt the urge, a responsibility to do it himself. He needed to know what he did all he could to save her.

But that chance of saving her was taken away from him when he felt two arms gripping his upper arms, pulling him away from the lifesaving actions he was doing.

A cry left his mouth, “No! I need to save her!” he screamed. The visual he had of her, was becoming smaller and smaller every feet he was being dragged back. He could see Hen taking over the chest compressions. He wanted to break free from the grip someone was holding him in. But Bobby jumped in front of him, trying to calm him down, blocking his view of his girl.

Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. All the screams, all the people running around him. And he couldn’t do anything. Every single thing Bobby said, didn’t even enter his mind. As if he was muted.

“I got a pulse!” Hen’s voice entered his mind, and just as he heard those four simple words. He lost it. He stopped fighting. The arms around his upper arms slowly loosened, as he didn’t fight back.

He saw Chimney and Eddie carrying the backboard with her on it, placing it on the gurney and racing down the asphalt towards the ambulance. As he watched her being wheeled away, he could feel his knees caving in.

“Buck? Are you alright?” Bobby asks as he tries to get some kind of contact with his team member he was standing eye to eye with But the firefighter didn’t react. His eyes were locked onto that gurney, and didn’t leave its sight.

His knees buckled as he fell down onto his knees. Just as his knees wanted to connect with the asphalt beneath his feet, two arms were curled up around his arms. He could breathe again, as if the blockage inside his airways were being taken away and he could take a proper breath again. He held onto Bobby’s arms as tears rolled down his cheeks.

She was alive.

_____

There she was, connected to all those wires and tubes. Both her left arm and left leg were casted. Her arm was in a sling, it was a cruel sight, something you even didn’t wish your worst enemy to happen.

Evan had been sitting in those horrible hospital chairs, sitting next to the side of her bed, silent. Hoping that some kind of miracle would make her breathe on her own.

With his hands clasped together dangling between his legs, his eyes shot at the door as he felt the presence of someone in the door opening.

“Hey, I came as soon as I could” the voice of Evan’s sister sounded through his ears. He saw Maddie stepping over the threshold, already with her arms wide open, ready to give him a hug.

Evan stood up as she pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck. He had no tears left to cry, he wrapped his arms around his sister's body as he buried his face into the crook of her neck.

After a few counts she loosened her grip and pulled back from the hug.

“What happened? Is she okay?” Maddie asked two questions at once. Evan looked down to the ground. “I don’t know” he silently whispered.

All they knew right now was that she was stable. She had a broken arm, a broken femur, multiple cuts and bruises over her body and a concussion. And the worst sight of it all, was her being connected to a ventilator.

Two minutes and forty seconds. That’s how long her heart stopped on scene.

The doctors put her in a medically induced coma and connected her to a ventilator to minimize the injury to the brain.

He wished he had never had to see this. It was horrible to see the one you loved with a tube down her throat and a machine doing all the work. The beeping inside the hospital room wasn't really helping Evan to calm down.

His breathing was shaky as he searched for the right words. “W-we got a call about a pile up… Then dispatch told us there was another woman stuck.” He tried to explain, with a trembling voice.

“(Y/n)” Maddie concluded as she kept her eyes on her little brother, whose hands were starting to shake as a leaf. A broken “yes” fell off his lips, as Maddie placed her hands onto her brother’s. Telling him she was there for him, that it was okay to be scared of the unknown.

“She wasn’t in the pile up Maddie.” His slightly less trembling voice was sounding through the room. He was on the edge of crying, again. He wasn’t sure how many tears he had wiped away from his cheek in the last hours. “She was in front of it.” He added as he looked down to his hands.

“I just.. wished I would’ve found out sooner.” He said as his eyes wandered back to (Y/n). Breathing in the oxygen that came from the ventilator. Evan feels one of Maddie’s hands being placed onto his upper arm as she shortly rubbed her hand up and down.

There was a silence between the siblings. Maddie let go of Evan’s hand and his upper arm as her gaze went to (Y/n). Slowly she walked towards the right side of the bed, as her brother took place on the other side.

He watched his sister take her hand and gently rubbed her thumb over the top of (Y/n)’s IV’ed hand. He could see the tears welling up in Maddie’s eyes. “I still remember the first time when I introduced you two to each other..” Maddie’s voice sounded quite dreamy but ended with a small sob.

Through the small amount of tears, a small laugh fell off his lips. Of course she had to bring that up. It was in the exact same hospital as they were in right now. Not the kind of location you’d think of to meet the love of your life.

******

With in his right hand a tray filled with two to-go cups and in his other hand a small pink box, he stepped out the elevator as soon as the bell rang. Letting him know that he had reached the level where his sister was staying the last few days.

At first she was staying in a hospital in Big Bear, but all she wanted was to get out of that hell hole that reminded her of her dead ex-husband she killed out of self defense. She needed to go to Los Angeles and did whatever it took to be transferred to the same hospital as Chimney.

Even though his sister told him that she was fine, and he didn’t need to visit her that often. He still came over during visitor hours, he didn’t care if she told him not to. Evan needed to see for himself that she was fine. He knew Doug was dead, but it killed him from the inside that he wasn’t there to protect her when she needed him.

He walked through the hospital hallways, the atmosphere here was always so chilly. Everything was white, the employees were always dressed in scrubs: pink, green, blue, navy blue, even black.

Not the kind of location you wanted to spend your days inside. Even though Evan came here multiple times a day sometimes to drop someone off at the emergency room, he’d rather be somewhere else. You’d think as a firefighter you’ll be working more with burning buildings. But believe it or not, overall there are more medical calls than actual fires.

Evan took another turn, and finally got his eyes on the room where his sister was in. With his gaze locked on the to go cups, keeping an eye on the cups so he wouldn’t accidentally spill any of the drinks. He stepped over the threshold.

“Hey Maddie I wasn’t sure what you wanted so I-” he stopped mid-sentence as his eyes scanned the room. Realizing that there was another person in the room. “Oh- I didn’t know you had a visitor” he stumbled awkwardly.

The girl gave him a small, but gentle smile. Evan on the other hand, was tongue tied.

“Oh it’s okay Buck, I wanted to introduce you two anyways. So you can finally visualize a face to all the stories” Maddie says as she pointed at the stranger and back to him. Evan furrowed his brow, so she had told him stories with her name in it before.

He placed the two to go cups and the paper bag he had onto the small table next to his sister’s bed. He wiped his hands clean quickly on his thighs, getting rid of the warmth on his hands.

“(Y/n), this is my little brother Evan.” Maddie says as her eyes wander from (Y/n) back to Evan. The name sounded so familiar to him. He had heard that name before, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“And Evan, this is my colleague (Y/n)” Maddie continued. He stepped closer to the colleague of his sister and held out his hand. She placed her hand into his as she shook it. “Buck, nobody really calls me Evan.” He corrected Maddie.

“Buck..” she repeated him, his name fell softly off her lips. “I heard some great things about you.” she continued as she gave him another smile. A smile that made him weak at the knees. She had one of those smiles that made the rest of the world smile too.

“Oh no.. what did she tell you?” Panic was slightly building up in his chest, Evan knew that Maddie sometimes would give too much information. ”If she told you about stealing evidence from the police-” he added, as he gets interrupted by his sister.

“Wait, you stole evidence?” she asked with a confused expression projected on her face. Evan turned towards his sister. “I thought you knew?” Maddie shook her head with that same expression still on her face. Wow he was really making a fool out himself now.

There was a silence between the siblings.

“Anyways.. for example during the earthquake, when you guys helped save a man and a woman from the tilted building. Pretty impressive.” She spoke. Trying to make things right again. “Just doing my job” Evan smiles as he places his hand on the back of his neck.

“She helped at one of your calls during Christmas, the overworked guy who ended up in a box?” Maddie jumped in on the conversation. “There was a dispatcher that kept calling the man’s phone for the team to find him.” She added, trying to help her brother to refresh his mind.

His eyes grew wider; he knew he had heard her voice before. “That was you?” He asks, pointing at her. “The one and only” she laughed. Evan wasn’t sure if she was laughing because of the surprised reaction he gave or the fact that he looked like some kind of fanboy.

“That action of yours saved us so much time. That was insanely smart.” He complimented her as his eyes wandered from her addictive smile towards her eyes. He noticed her looking down to the floor, avoiding his gaze.

“I’m just.. trying my best. But really, you guys are the real heroes though. We’re just sitting behind a desk answering calls” she says. But Evan didn't quite share that opinion. They needed dispatch. Without them they were just some confused firefighters, not knowing where to go and what the situation was. They could see things that the firefighters couldn’t when they were on scene.

“Nonsense, your job is as important as mine. You are our eyes in the skies.” Evan said.

What was this? A compliment challenge? Who can give the most compliments wins?

A shy smile appeared on her face, (Y/n) could feel her cheeks burning. Almost blushing. Compliments like that she gets from her co-workers, never from anyone who wasn't a dispatcher.

As if everything in the room had disappeared and they were the only two left. The two of them just stared at each other. Evan wasn’t sure for how long, but Maddie broke the silence in the room by clearing her throat.

When Maddie cleared her throat, it worked like a stinger snap. Snapping (Y/n) right out of her thoughts. “Anyways! It was really good to finally meet you. Evan- I mean Buck.” She corrected herself.

She hung her purse over her shoulder as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as soon as she stood up straight again. ”But I have to go.. feed.. my cat.” She stumbled, (Y/n) gave Maddie and her brother a quick goodbye as she left the room.

Evan’s eyes followed the woman out of the room, even when she left the room he followed her movements through the window. “You think she’s cute, don’t you?” Maddie’s voice made way through his eardrums, getting him back to reality.

“What? No! No.” His voice was defensive at first, but at the second denial his voice sounded more soft. Evan walked towards the table where he had placed the two to go cups and a small paper bag.

“Oh you so do..” she said as she noticed him turning his back to her to get the cups. “Maddie, you know I’m done dating first responders.. I’m not doing that again.” He stuttered as he handed his sister the right cup.

Maddie accepted the cup from her sibling and held it between her two hands. “Uhuh.. oh and.. for the record..” she started, and stopped to open the cup and threw in a small bag of sugar. “She doesn’t have a cat.” She continued, taking a sip from her coffee.

Evan shook his head as a smile appeared again on his face. His sibling was way too good at reading him.

Maddie swallowed her sip of coffee as she was already bringing the cup to her lips. “So.. when did you steal evidence? And why?” she asked as she took another sip of her coffee.

******

“I knew from the second I introduced the two of you, that you’d end up together.” Maddie stated, as she kept her eyes on the girl in the hospital bed. Evan’s eyebrows were raised, surprised his sister would say something like that. But on the other hand, it was Maddie.

Maddie’s voice kept on going on the back of Evan’s mind as he took a look at the devices his fiancé was hooked up on. Evan wasn’t much of a doctor or a paramedic, but he noticed the smallest kind of difference in the device that measured her heart rate.

His eyes wandered from the devices back to her body, he scanned her body, every sound of her heart beat, every breath.

Something is wrong” he said under his voice.

His stomach turned at the sight of his fiancé. This whole time when he looked at her, he felt fine. But right now in this moment, something felt off. He couldn’t describe what or why, he just knew.

He watched her breathing become faster within every second he spectated. Evan held out a hand towards his sister, as a stop sign, to tell her to stop talking for one second. Her breathing was as if she had run a whole marathon, while the machines were starting to beep faster with every breath she took. “She can’t breathe..” Evan said. He felt the panic rising inside his chest, but he didn’t hesitate and clicked the emergency button above her hospital bed.

He pushed himself from the side of the bed and sprinted down the room, towards the hallway. He repeated the same sentence multiple times, each time he let those words leave his mouth it became louder and louder.

Before he knew it, a few nurses came running down the hallway, aiming for (Y/n)’s hospital room. They entered the room as Evan was still standing at the door, not knowing what to do with himself.

In the meanwhile Maddie gets guided away from the bedside, so the nurses could do their job and figure out what is wrong with his girl. Maddie made a beeline for her little brother, as he could see the tears in her eyes.

He could sense his sister’s hand onto his shoulder, saying things like “she’ll be okay” and “she’s stronger than you think”. But at this moment, the sight of the nurses disconnecting her from the tubes made him question if they actually knew what they were doing.

Why were they disconnecting her? What was going on? A thousand questions were running through his mind at the same time.

“They put her on ECMO three days ago.. and now they’re already telling me that they want to get her off.” Evan said as he stood eye to eye with the window that looked over her hospital room. “Isn’t that what you wanted? For her to be healthy and to wake up again?” Eddie asks as he looks at his best friend.

Evan looked like a ghost wandering the halls of the fourth floor of the hospital. He was here day and night, at least.. until one of the nurses or doctors had to kick him out of the hospital. It was like he was stuck to that chair in the room and he drank that terrible hospital coffee.

Every now and then friends of Evan, or (Y/n) came to show their support during visiting hours. They’d bring drinks and food, they knew how horrible the drinks and food were in the hospital.

He leaned his palms onto the small frame of the window, With his eyes still locked on the window he shook his head. “But what if it’s too soon?” he said. He knew the consequences back and forth of getting someone off ECMO and out of a medically induced coma.

“They’re doctors, they know what 's best for their patients.” Eddie explained. Evan sighed, he knew Eddie was right. Eddie turned ninety degrees to the right, now fully facing the side profile of Evan. He crossed his arms as he waited for a reaction of his best friend. “There’s something else that is bothering you, isn't it?” Eddie asks.

Eddie knew him too well to miss this signal that he was giving him. Evan pushed himself up with the palm of his hands and turned towards Eddie. He scratched the back of his head. “They told me she may suffer from amnesia” he admits, keeping his eyes on Eddie. Waiting for some kind of reaction.

“You’re scared she won’t remember what happened?” Eddie asks, trying to get some more clarification. “I mean, what do I do when she won’t remember the accident? Hell, what do I do if she won’t remember me?” God he sounded so desperate. But he needed to share the questions inside of his head before it’d actually become too much for him alone to handle.

Eddie pressed his lips into a thin line, trying to find the right words to motivate and support his friend, who felt more like a brother to him, in these difficult times. “Buck..” Evan’s name fell like a sigh off his lips. But before he could even speak, Evan’s voice spoke up. “I don’t know if I can handle that Eddie.” he sounded like a sixteen year old again, doubting himself with making choices.

Eddie’s eyes softened at the sight of his best friend looking like that. As if he didn’t go through enough already. He placed his hand on Evan’s shoulder, and gave it a soft squeeze, getting his attention. “It’s going to be hard, but you can’t back out now. She’s your fiancé, and in the worst case scenario she won’t remember you. Okay, fine. It will hurt. But I’m sure, if you just love her, care for her, just like you always have done. Everything will fall into its place.”

Deep down, he knew Eddie was right. But there was this feeling of fear of the unknown inside his body, making him feel anxious with everything he did. “But is that enough?” his voice was on the edge of breaking. Eddie simply patted Evan’s shoulder as he disconnected his hand from his friend's shoulder. “I guess you’ll have to see and find that out for yourself bud.” he answered as Eddie’s eyes wandered across the hallway. He motioned with his head, Evan immediately who it was, and what was going to happen.

“Good luck” Eddie said under his breath as he made his way to leave the window of (Y/n). Just when Eddie passed Evan, he quickly patted his shoulder again.

Evan turned around to face the person who was walking towards him. “Mr Buckley” the female voice sounded. “Shall we?” she said as she held out her arm towards the entrance of the hospital room (Y/n) was in.

He took a deep breath in, trying to calm his nerves. He got this. (Y/n) has got this. They were going to be fine. Everything was going to fall into its place.

He followed the doctor and nurse into the room, as the doctor explained what the plan was and what was next. He watched the doctor and nurse do their jobs.

It could take two till twenty four hours for her to actually open her eyes. He didn’t care if he needed to wait a hundred hours for her to wake up, he would stay with her until she woke up. He didn’t want her to wake up in an empty hospital room.

Evan was tossing and turning, trying to find back a comfortable position in the chair to doze off in again. He pushed himself up, with his eyes squeezed slightly open because of the small amount of light that was peeking through.

He rubbed his eyes for a second as he tried to adjust his eyes to the brightness of the light. Getting some sleep out of the corner of his eyes that annoyed him. But just as he turned to find a comfortable spot to sleep in, he could hear a small, soft cough.

Wait he was alone right? With (Y/n)?

He shot up out his chair as his eyes wandered towards his fiancé. She was trying to breathe on her own over the tube. But the second he came closer to the bed, he could see her eyelids lift.

He couldn’t do anything but watch her, her eyes kept on opening and closing. With every time they did that, the gap between the lids became bigger and bigger. Her head rolled to the side. Evan could feel her eyes burn into his skin as she finally found him.

A wide smile spread across his face, this was where he had waited for these past days. He placed his hand onto the headboard from the hospital bed she was in and clicked on the emergency button. “Hey” he panted. He didn’t know what to say. He had waited so long, and he had so much time to think of something. But here he was, speechless.

She gasped. When she realized she couldn’t speak, her right hand wandered towards her mouth. “No, no, no” he said as he grabbed her hand and he could see the panic building in her eyes. “It’s okay, just don’t try to talk.” he says as he keeps her hand in his, placing it on his chest as he loosened his grip on her hand.

Slowly, her hand wandered from his chest towards his cheek. Her fingers tracing over his skin as he could see her eyes softening when tears filled her eyes. She remembered him.

He leaned into her touch, placing a kiss on the inside of her wrist. “It’s okay.. everything will fall into its place” he sighed as he grabbed her hand once more, and kissed the top of it. “I’m here” he whispered.

#911 #911 fox #911 abc #911 imagine #buck imagine #buck x reader #evan buckley imagine #evan buckley x reader #evanbuckley #imagine

590 notes · View notes

nicksolemnlyswears · 2 months

Note

hi! i just saw the ask you answered about leaving aemond out and i giggled.

if i may offer an idea, what about if reader finds out where aemond goes to find comfort (the brothel) and is upset because she thought differently of him but maybe he confesses what he actually does there (tittie suckin and therapy) and she offers aemond her own comfort. maybe reader looks more like their mother and it's exactly what aemond wants/needs. he's such a broken boy with horrible mommy issues.

this is not me at all telling you that you NEED to write a fic about this. i just had this idea jumbled around in my head and i don't know how to write it myself. 😂

thank you for your fics. they are truly wonderful. 💜

pairing: aemond targaryen x hightower!reader

word count: ~8.3k

warnings: 18+, cursing, spoilers of s2 of hotd, talks about brothels and prostitutes, fingering, p in v, lactation (milk play? i don't even know what i did), nipple play, slight mommy kink (or a lot depending how you see it), talks of infidelity, slight somno, riding

a/n: it's funny that this ask was sent cause i had something similar in mind. so this came super easily to me. i added some fire to the reader cause after ep 4 of hotd i was so angry at aemond (and still am). i can't believe he did that to aegon (he's my boy of the season) not to mention what he did to queen meleys and queen rhaenys. i'm not sure if i'd be able to forgive him. @heybank i hope this is somewhat like what you had in mind!

it came out a little longer than expect but nonetheless i hope you all enjoy! also aemond is stubborn in this fic but an equally stubborn reader and i love her for it. the reader and aegon are lowkey besties because i only want the best for him lol so don't mind that. i am ecstatic for the next episode and see the fall out of ep 4.

do you know the struggle i had to find aemond's whore's name. omg most difficult part of this oneshot.

after this fic i think i need to go to church and confess. i'm sure the priest will douse me in holy water and make me pray a hundred holy marys or something.

enjoy!!

It slipped out in the midst of their endless teasing and banter. The one secret Aemond never wished for you to find out. You're strong enough to know about the others; you recognize who he truly is at his core: an ambitious, envious man, but this one secret? This one he prayed you never knew about.

Aegon and you had been indulging in the sweet wine imported from High Garden. A delicacy that made your head fuzzy and your body loose. After finding you strolling all alone through the gardens, he insisted on drinking with you. If someone were to appease him by complaining about matters of the council, it would be you.

Those meetings drag on for hours on end on multiple occasions during the day as ravens fly in to share news of the brewing war. It robs you of your husband's attention and robs Aegon of his will to live as they tell him what to do and say, completely ignoring any input he might have—as idiotic as it may be.

You meet your distant cousin midway, complaining about how boring the meetings are and how uptight everyone is, including your husband. You offer the new King honest advice disguised as flippant comments, hoping he'll accept it even if he thinks of it as his own.

"It's not like I'm the only one who indulges in the pleasure of the street of silk. Every nobleman loves to get their cock wet by those whores," Aegon mumbles as a response to being reprimanded for his escapade late last night with his guards.

The charitable King paid for the villager's drinks and entertainment for the night. It was a prosperous night for the brothel. The 'ladies' will do just about anything to get coin. Who says the King doesn't aid his subordinates in need?

You stifle a laugh with the back of your hand and shake your head at him, "Yes, but you're the King now. It's not about laying with a commoner. It's about security. There are people who would do just about anything to gain Rhaenyra's favor, including hurting you, Aegon…"

Reasoning with Aegon is a challenge. His mind spins in ways you will never comprehend, but you try to keep your cousin safe while appeasing the council.

If Aegon values something, it's his life. If he knows there is danger out there, he will hold back, even if it's for a night or two. Her duty as his friend is to keep reminding him of all the danger lurking in the dark corners of the silk street.

"I suppose you're right, dear cousin. Guess we'll have to bring them here," he laughs as he thinks of the pandemonium it will cause. "I'll have Thalia and Margery or perhaps Dorothy. Hell, why limit myself? I'm the King! The guards can have their pick of the lot, Aemond will have his old reliable, and Lord Lannister can have the beautiful Sarah."

Aegon tips his goblet, drinking the last drops of wine to quench his dry mouth, failing to notice his slip-up.

Aemond's name sends a burning chill down your spine, and your mouth turns to cotton as it dries up. As you repeat Aegon's words, your heart promises to break out of your ribcage. Surely, you misunderstood his words.

"Aemond's old reliable?" You laugh to keep Aegon at ease. Grabbing the pitcher of wine to fill both of your cups, urging him to drink more and get his tongue looser. He won't remember your interrogation by morning.

"Ah yes, the first woman he fucked. Thanks to me, might I add. He still loves to visit her. I'd say her tits got him all enamored."

Just like the women in court, Aegon prattles on and on about everything he knows about Aemond and his whore. Including how he found him laying with her just last night—naked as the day he was born, blue sapphire glinting freely under the candlelight.

Blinding hot fury courses through your veins, lighting you up in flames from the inside out. Aegon will assume your reddening face and chest are from the wine and his vulgar words. There is no use in correcting him as you urge him to continue talking.

By night's end, you are equally as drunk as Aegon. The Guards escort you both to your respective chambers, watching amusedly how you argue with Aegon about whose dragon is strongest, Sunfyre or Dreamfyre. In reality, you were plotting which sibling would aid you in yelling dracarys in Aemond's direction.

You wish the alcohol would make you forget, but the sad truth is you will remember every single detail. The pounding headache you'll have in the morning will be a painful reminder of the secrets spilled over red wine.

For a fortnight, you sit and think about the valuable information Aegon shared with you. Anger burns ardently inside of you as it has nowhere to go. As a lady of the court, you're not allowed to train with the men, and as a Hightower, you have no dragon to channel that anger through.

If your fury were to be caused by any other reason, you'd find release in Aemond's arms. His aching cock stroking your drenched walls fervently. His sweaty skin sticking to yours. His fingers digging into your curves to find purchase. The low tone of his voice in your ear whispering words you'd never dare repeat and shamefully make you peak around him.

The thought makes you sick. How many times has he fucked her in such a way? Is it different? Does he let go and fuck her harder as he's not afraid she'll break?

Thinking is your worst enemy. As you imagine every possible scenario, your insecurities rise from their hiding spots. Does he love her? He laid bare with her; he must feel something if he allowed her to see him in such a vulnerable position.

The memory of the first time he took off his eyepatch in your presence pains you. So many conversations and stones of trust had to be set to get to that point, yet he did it with her. A common whore that dares ask for coin to please him with her presence.

You are different from the other ladies of the court who accept their husbands sleeping around with unknown women. You are jealous and territorial, something Aemond knew when you married. Under the eyes of the seven, he swore that his loyalties lay solely with you.

Alas, all men do is lie. Not even the noblest of men can be trusted. All you asked for was a good husband that would not embarrass you. How foolish of you to believe Aemond would be it.

Your fury grows and manifests as you observe Aemond and his whereabouts. It's hard to keep your anger at bay, but he's too busy plotting with Criston Cole to notice your withdrawing nature and emotional distance.

Visiting his quarters nearly every night tells you all you need to know. In that fortnight, you find him missing a multitude of times. There's no doubt he's in the brothel. Where else might he be deep into the night as the world sleeps?

When you ask about his location, the guards hesitate and stumble over their words. They try to save their necks by lying because the Prince continues to slip from their grasp time and time again. They are not as skillful at lying as your husband.

Having had enough, you wait for Aemond's return in his quarters. A goblet of wine is balanced between your fingers. The red liquid swirls along the rounded goblet, mimicking how your anger swirls around you.

You observe the map laid out on the wooden table. His plans are incredibly different from Aegon's. You pity the King as his most trusted advisor and Hand do as they please behind his back.

You've barely drank the wine. The goblet is merely a distraction from your fidgeting hands. You do not need the courage it provides; your anger fuels your intentions.

Old stone rumbles and sets behind you. Turning on your seat, you find Aemond emerging from one of Maegor's tunnels. This is how he sneaks out so damn easily.

"Wife," Aemond greets, keeping his composure, but his tense posture reveals shock. Your husband tends to wear a relaxed stance in your presence. You're the last person he expected to be waiting for him.

"Husband," you reply. The word is bitter on your tongue.

"What brings you in so late? You should be resting," Aemond speaks, taking off his cloak and approaching your seated figure.

Your eyes lazily move up to meet his. "Rest," you chuckle humorlessly. "I haven't been able to find rest in weeks."

"Does something ail you? Should I call a maester?" He asks, giving you a once over. Other than the dark circles around your eyes, there seems to be nothing out of place.

You're still you. Beautiful copper hair that easily identifies you as a Hightower flows down your back, and big brown eyes that resemble his mother's look back at him, although contempt has replaced the unconditional adoration that typically resides there.

His worry sickens you. His existence is an annoyance like a pebble in your shoe. You've harbored this anger for too long, and simple distaste can quickly transform into hate.

"Where were you?" You ask, raising an eyebrow. He's not going to get out of this. He must face the consequences of his actions. You will not live in bitterness while he runs around doing as he pleases.

"Conducting some business for the King." Aemond tilts his head, observing your posture and the set of your eyebrows. There's an electricity around you that shoots warning signs at him.

"Where. Were. You?"

"I'm afraid it is none of your business," Aemond says with a sharp exhale. He steps away to avoid your glaring gaze, unbuckling his sheath and setting it on one of the many desks that litter his room.

"I didn't realize we were keeping secrets from each other." The goblet's thud on the table is as loud as your unspoken fury. Wine splashes on the map like blood will spill in battle.

"There are always secrets. I have them. You have them," Aemond answers, leaning back on the desk.

Your hands smooth down the fabric of your dress as you stand. Finding his calculating gaze, you say, "So that's what you call your whore over at the silk street? A secret? I thought her name was Sylvi?"

Aemond freezes, and his muscles tense. You can't possibly know. He's entirely still as if the action would stop time and give him a chance to come up with an explanation, a lie. "I do not know what you speak of," the hesitancy of his voice unveils the cruel truth.

"Spare me the lies, and do not treat me like a naive maiden, Aemond. You know how much I loathe being made a fool," you snap loudly.

Aemond takes three long strides to reach you. Reacting, you take a step back but have nowhere to go. He doesn't touch you, but Aemond towers over you as he glares back. "Who told you? Was it Aegon?" He hisses.

"Please," you scoff. "The maids talk, the guards talk, husband. It was only a matter of time. Did you think I'd never find out? Are you truly that dense, Aemond?"

Your glare is sharp enough to cut him. He fell in love with that look when directed at others, but now that it's looking straight at him, he finds it's the one thing he might hate most.

All people around him have looked at him like that at some point. Aegon. Daemon. Jacaerys. Alicent. All except for his sweet sister and you, his beloved wife.

That look alone makes him regret stepping into the brothel many moons ago.

You should've never found out about Sylvi. It was meant to be a fleeting moment, but the war takes a toll on everyone, including Aemond.

Alicent's disapproving attitude towards him after Lucerys' incident led him to the whore more times than he can count as he sought the comfort Alicent never gave him and he craved.

"What is it that whore gives you that I do not?" You maintain eye contact as your chest presses against his. Your stubbornness will not let you back away from this argument. You deserve an answer.

You thought you were a good wife. Because of you, Aemond has two sons. You provided male heirs, a nobleman's dream. You warmed his bed whenever he asked and even when he didn't. You confided in him. You chose him.

"Talk, damn it. Your scheming plans won't get you out of this one," you yell, slamming your fists on his chest. Picking a fight is the only thing you have left. You want to scream at him until your voice turns raw.

"There is nothing to say. She's a quick fuck; that's all she is," Aemond seamlessly lies, grabbing your thundering fists. His thumb rubs over the back of your hands, hoping the calming gesture will tame your anger.

"A quick fuck? I could've been queen if I tolerated Aegon's quick fucks. The option was right there, and I chose you because I stupidly believed you'd make a better husband," you scream as your cheeks turn an unbelievable shade of red.

"Wife, please," Aemond pleads as you remind him.

The choice to wed you was not his to make. It was entirely yours. Each night, he prayed you'd choose to marry him. A woman of incredible smarts and hypnotizing beauty deserved to be with a man who acknowledged those attributes, not a blundering man like Aegon, who would only use her for her body.

"Do not touch me," you spit, tearing your wrists from his grasp and pushing him back with all the muster you could gather. "How dare you try to touch me after you've laid with her? After you fucked her? You repulse me."

Tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you spew your words. Aemond stands there, taking it all of your fury—he deserves it. What you hate the most is that he does nothing to defend himself, as if all of your words are the maddening truth.

"It was not my intention to hurt you," Aemond swallows as tears fall down your cheeks.

"These tears do not stem from hurt. They are from humiliation. You embarrassed me, Aemond. Do you know how many hours I've spent praising you in front of the other ladies of the court, speaking about how perfect of a husband you've been these past two years?"

Your pride might be bigger than his, and he's done the worst thing he could ever do— wound it. Such a prideful woman will only forgive him if there's a good enough reason and with lots of begging.

At his silence, you push past him and reach for the door. "I've made my duty as your wife and given you two sons. Do not expect more from me. Go to your little whore and see if she'll perform the wifely duties you asked from me." With one more glance towards your husband, you slam the door.

It is no mystery why Aemond is in a mood from that night forward. Guards stand straighter with him around, Aegon's so-called friends keep quiet, and Criston Cole bears the brunt of it all as Aemond calls him to spar. Each passing day becomes more brutal.

You have stayed true to your word and kept your distance from Aemond. You've never felt as far away from him as when you sit by him during meals. You no longer place your hand on his thigh when Aegon throws jabs at him or smile his way when he says something worth admiring.

If you must address him regarding the children, you do so but with a straight face and without awaiting his answer. The Red Keep has turned grey as you no longer pull him through the halls between duties to find a dark corner to kiss or touch him. Fleeting moments he truly cherished.

He's losing you, and he doesn't know what to do to fix it. He's sure that you will never look at him the same if he comes clean with the truth. It will burn whatever thread is left of your marriage.

"Aemond, what's the matter?" Alicent asks. They're in her quarters discussing one of the many plans to prepare for war, and yet he's not paying attention.

"Nothing," he says softly, eyeing the map in front of him. We should send our men to the east."

Alicent tilts her head and sits across from him, studying him closely. "Is this about your wife?"

The glint the young Hightower carries is missing. Her constant search for Aemond throughout the day has ceased abruptly, startling Alicent and Helaena. She rarely mentions him, only speaking about him when asked, and even then, her words have bite.

Alicen believed her son could do no wrong regarding his wife. Aemond adored you. He pinned after you from the moment it was announced that you were searching for a husband.

Alicent was hesitant at first. Marrying inside the family was a queer Targaryen custom, not a Hightower one, yet Otto insisted. Another Hightower in the Red Keep meant more power. He pushed you to marry Aegon while Aemond asked Alicent to consider him instead. She left it in your hands. It was only fair that you made the choice of who you shared your life with.

Aemond is silent momentarily, "She's upset with me." His words are short as he avoids talking about the subject.

"What did you do?" Alicent sighs disappointedly, leaning back on her chair. Why must her sons ruin all good things in their lives?

Alicent's reaction causes him to close back up just as quickly. Yes, it is his fault, but his mother's lack of faith is disheartening. Once upon a time, Aemond would've confided in his mother, but recent events have severed that trust. "My marital problems are none of your concern."

"Then how am I to help you fix this?" She asks in a knowing tone. Alicent feels the weight of her house on her shoulders. She's responsible for keeping everything together.

"I don't recall asking for your help, mother." Aemond ignores her judging eyes, moving the metal pieces around the map. He was here to make war plans, not talk about his feelings.

"Very well," Alicent clears her throat, moving farther away from her son. The gods are punishing as each one of her children drift away from her.

Unlike Aemond's mother, you take your duty as a mother quite seriously. Your children are all you have, and you cherish them equally. You refused a wet nurse when you birthed your first, and when the second followed a year after, you proceeded to do the same.

Feeding them from your breast brings a wave of emotion that is impossible to describe. The bond that forms between mother and child is strengthened by this natural action. Why do the other ladies in court not do the same? All they do is gossip and indulge in the luxuries of the keep. They have no responsibilities other than to please their husbands and care for their children.

The loud cries of your youngest filter through the door and echo throughout the halls of the keep. The babe has been incessantly crying for the past hour for no reason. Feeding and changing his nappy did nothing to ease his discomfort, leaving you overwhelmed. Nonetheless, you continue to soothe your child because if you didn't, what kind of mother would you be?

You ignore Aemond as he steps into your chambers, bouncing the eleven-month-old in your arms. He must've followed the cries. "There, there, Baelor," you coo, placing your hand on the back of his head, brushing through the thin strands of pale silver hair.

The babe continues to sniffle and release weak cries. The poor thing is exhausted yet refuses to sleep. He hangs onto his mother's dress and hair, opening and closing his chubby fist.

Aemond approaches you, extending his hands to take him from you, "May I?"

You cannot refuse him. Baelor is his son, and while he seeks the pleasure of common whores you know he adores his sons.

Baelor is fuzzy and complains when he's taken away from your warm embrace, but he immediately settles in his father's hold when he recognizes him. The smell of Aemond's leather clothes offered him the comfort he was searching for.

Baelor missed his father.

"Clearly, you're his favorite," you murmur, settling down in the chaise that faces the fireplace. You're worse for wear. It's hard to find rest when questions remain unanswered, and you've lost the person you love most.

"Only till it's time to feed," Aemond says to lighten the mood between you.

You scoff, removing your jewelry and tossing it on the cushion beside you. "Great, I'm a glorified cow, only used to feed."

Aemond falters, his hold on his son tightening as he curls closer into Aemond's neck. Baelor's soft breaths tickle his neck. "That's not what I meant, wife."

You continue to stare into the fire as tears line your eyes. "I know," you whisper. It's been a difficult day.

Had you not been betrayed by Aemond, you would've sought his attention and spilled all the thoughts running through your mind so he could tell you you were being unreasonable.

He would reassure you that you're intelligent, beautiful, a wonderful mother, cunning, captivating, and a dream come to life.

You're punishing yourself. You decided to distance yourself, and came to the horrid realization that it is much harder than you bargained. You underestimated what three years of always being together would do to you.

Aemond catches on to your apprehension and puts a sleeping Baelor on the cradle the nursemaid left by your bed. He returns to your side and kneels on the floor right by your feet.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes for the first time since that night. It's been a long, difficult four weeks without you by his side. He misses all the little things you did for him.

All the check-ups throughout the day to make sure he's broken fast or slept well. Brushing his hair at night before he takes you to bed and shows you his gratitude. Your eyes meeting his across the room, suggesting he takes you elsewhere for a stolen private moment away from everyone else.

He misses you telling him about everything Baelor and Rhaegar got up to in the day and about every new milestone they hit, suggesting they are as healthy as they can be. He misses the late nights spent tangled together, talking about what the future holds for you both, the idea of having a baby girl for Rhaegar and Baelor to protect.

"What do you apologize for now?"

"For betraying your trust. I made an oath and broke it, and for that, I apologize. It is my biggest regret in life," Aemond says, reaching for your hand. "Please, forgive me."

"Then why do you continue to lie?" You whisper as a tear rolls down your cheeks.

"That's the only truth there is," Aemond whispers breathlessly. You give him a pitiful chuckle and tug your hand away from his despite wanting to hold onto it forever.

Your nose burns as more tears spill from your eyes. Insecurity wrapping you in its arms. "Please, do not lie. Why do you want me to believe you went to the brothel for a fleeting pleasure when I have always been here? Am I not good enough for you?"

Your anger has simmered down to a smoky sadness that envelops you. Aemond is lying to you when you're the person he's supposed to trust the most. If there is a chance of rebuilding this marriage, he must tell you the truth, even if it ruins you.

"Gods, you are everything I wanted and more, my sweet wife," Aemond speaks, cupping your face to wipe away your salty tears.

He's at a loss. He's hurt you, but the pain can be remedied if he speaks the truth. How can he allow you to believe you're not enough when you're the perfect woman. His endeavors in the street of silk stem from his own damaged soul, never yours.

"I am afraid," Aemond confesses, brushing one last tear with the pad of his thumb before he retreats his hands. You stare back at him, puzzled. "It is not what you believe. I have not laid with another woman since I married you."

"Then what is it, Aemond? Because my mind has conjured up the worst of scenarios."

"You will not think of me the same," he says, ashamed, hanging his head to avoid your hurt gaze.

"Is that such a bad thing?" You ask aloud, and without awaiting his response, you continue to speak, "Until you work up the courage to tell me the truth, things will remain the same. No matter how much it hurts."

Standing, you leave Aemond kneeling on the floor to prepare for sleep. You glance over your shoulder and watch Aemond stare deep into the fire. When you step out of the privacy screen, he's gone.

It takes another week of agony for Aemond to come to a decision. He cannot bear having you so close yet so far away. He misses you and greatly underestimates how much happier you make him.

He hasn't been to the brothel since the night you confronted him. He barely spares it a thought nowadays. You are the only person wreaking havoc in his head.

He fucked up his marriage, and now he has to pay his dues, even if it means coming clean about his intentions with Sylvi. It was barely sexual, he hasn't fucked her since he married you, but he couldn't let go of the comfort she provided, and Alicent withdrew.

He's smart enough to know it's a farce. The women in the brothel will do just about anything if it means they are paid. But Aemond deluded himself into believing Sylvi cared about what he had to say and told her things he hadn't spoken to anyone else. She played the part well, giving advice freely and reassuring him with soft touches and softer words.

When the guard opens the door to Aemond's chambers, allowing you to enter, he instantly stands, approaching you to ask for your hand and kiss the back of it.

You raise an eyebrow at him but allow him nonetheless. The press of his lips to your skin sends a spark up your arm and down your spine.

"Wife," he greets, guiding you to sit.

"Aemond," you reply, not quite giving in to his sweet actions. Aemond summoned you with the promise of the truth. That is why you're here.

"How does the day find you?"

"Aemond, please," you plead. You came for the truth, and niceties won't do anything to soften the brunt of his words. Prolonging this won't help anyone.

"Very well," Aemond sighs, gesturing you to sit. His hands remain on his lap where he opens and closes them anxiously. "I met her when I was three and ten. Aegon forced me to the brothel because he thought it was time I…became a man."

You dare not speak as Aemond justifies his actions. You need to know the truth before your nerves consume you.

This is the tricky part of his story. After a brief pause, he clears his throat and continues, "She was far older than I was and offered something I lacked in the Keep. Comfort, solace, familiarity, whatever you want to call it. I continued to visit her throughout my youth, although it wasn't always to find release rather than someone to listen and give me what my mother never could."

Aemond avoids looking at you, afraid of what he might find written on your face. Perhaps disgust, shame, or disapproval.

He owed you the truth, so he spoke about all the details of this affair. How he liked the intimacy of lying naked with Sylvi, suckling at her breast. How she would hold him in her arms and touch him. The advice she would offer. The things they spoke about. How he rejects her when she makes any advances, thinking that's what he wants. He admits that he is completely vulnerable and free for those hours because she will have his side no matter what he says.

"Do you have feelings for her?" Your voice is barely above a whisper. It's terrifying to think he might harbor feelings for her. Such intimate acts easily allow feelings to infiltrate one's being. "Aemond, look at me."

Hesitantly, Aemond meets your eyes. Your face is blank, devoid of emotion that may indicate what you now think of him.

"No, and I never will," Aemond says, swallowing the lump in his throat. He chooses his words carefully, "She was an escape, someone to listen to the tragedy that was my life. She knew what I wanted and gave it unsolicited. I know it is not real, wife, but I was foolish enough to seek more."

The emotion that surfaces in your face is not directed at him; instead, it reflects the insecurities you have about yourself. "Did you not think I could give you what she did and actually mean it?"

Insecurities of his own rise up and make themselves shown, "I thought you would see me as a weaker man."

You're both so young with so much to learn, yet if there is one thing you're certain about, it's the love you share. That love would never make you see Aemond as weak; it would transform that quality he refers to as weak into something totally different and positive.

"You are not weak but a fool," you shake your head, reaching for him. It is your turn to cup his face to force him to focus only on you. "I know of those feelings you hide firmly, Aemond. I spent most of my childhood here in King's Landing. I watched while Aegon and the Strong boys teased you. I was here when you returned from Driftmark without an eye. I heard your cries of pain. You come off as this stoic man to everyone else, the fierce Aemond, but I know the real you."

"I am ashamed." Aemond is truthful. No more lies weight his beating heart.

"Do you swear to never look for her again? That you will come to me instead?"

"I swear it by the old gods and the new. I swear it by the seven. I swear it by my life," Aemond promises. "Will you return to me, wife?" He asks hopefully, placing his hands over yours, afraid your touch will leave him.

"Yes, husband," you nod, pressing your forehead against his.

Your lips find his as the last word you speak is uttered. It's been far too long, and his dragon blood is calling for you. Aemond is quick to react, moving his lips desperately against yours and pulling you to his lap.

He comes to you late at night once there are no more council calls or responsibilities to tend to. It's around that time when he has nothing to busy himself with, and the ache in his chest makes itself known.

It's a constant reminder that he is far from invincible. Pain and hurt live within him, ready to resurface at the most unexpected times.

"Husband." You greet him with a bright smile when he steps into your chambers.

"Wife," he speaks quietly, standing uncomfortably by your door. While he's agreed to come to you in his times of need, Aemond is unsure how to approach the situation.

"What is the matter?" A pout adorns your lips as you walk over to him. It's genuine concern.

Aemond stiffens when you approach him, tilting your head to assess him. You wrap your arms around his waist, searching for his gaze.

"Aemond?" You call to him softly.

"Please," he whispers with shaking hands that he places on your hips. The expensive material of your night shift is soft against his palms.

The tone of his voice and the reserved behavior tell you what he's asking for. You nod wordlessly and grab his hand, guiding him to your bed.

This is unlike those moments when passion takes over and desperate need forces you to tug and tear his clothes away. With patience and delicate fingers, you calmly help him undress.

Unbuckling the clasps of his leather doublet, you slide it down his arms and throw it to the side. The tunic that covers his chest comes off next, exposing the strong panels of his abdomen and the ropes of muscle of his arms. All a result of his extensive training.

Featherlight touches to his skin make his breath hitch as they slide down to his breeches, where you agilely untie the laces. You don't meet his eyes as you do so, giving him some resemblance of modesty, but Aemond watches intently how you treat him with such care.

You gently push him to sit on the bed, where you kneel to take off his boots and socks. Aemond allows his breeches to fall to the ground, leaving him completely naked, except for the eyepatch he wears like armor.

It protects him from the disgusted expressions people shoot him with because of the deformity he acquired as a child.

It never stops hurting.

You've never been repulsed by his missing eye. On the contrary, you're fascinated by the scar and the sapphire embedded in the empty socket.

Reaching around his head, you unclasp the leather and place the eyepatch with the rest of his clothing. You offer him a delicate smile while placing your hand on his cheek, and he leans into it.

Your touch on his raised scar eases the pain.

Withdrawing from him, you tug in the lacing of your night shift and shrug it off your shoulders to uncover your body. You had promised to offer him the same care she did in that wretched place.

The bed is covered by pillows and blankets to protect you from the cold of the incoming winter, and you mentally thank the maids for preparing the fire before they left you to rest. You lie over the furs, extending your hand towards Aemond to welcome him in.

Aemond's timidness is present, but he pushes it to the side as he climbs onto the bed and settles across your lap. Your skin is soft and warm against his, and your soft curves, molded to accommodate his children, bring him comfort.

As you brush through his hair with your fingers, you gently untie the band holding half of his hair up. You massage the silver tresses, his scalp prickling from the release of tension. He hums quietly, enjoying the feeling of your fingers on his hair.

"What troubles you, my Prince?" You finally ask.

Aemond's head rests on your shoulder, his breath hitting your collarbones. One of your hands rests upon his back, drawing figures across the expanse of it, feeling every bump and curve of his spine and muscles. The other grasps his hand, pulling it to your lips to press a reassuring kiss to the palm of it.

"That title. Prince." He murmurs sadly, taking a deep breath.

That familiar scent of oils invades his senses. It's a smell he remembers from his childhood when Alicent still cared for him. In turn, his body relaxes, and he closes his eyes momentarily.

"It is a stepping stone in the hierarchy," you reply, recognizing what he implies. Aegon does not have what it takes to rule a kingdom, while Aemond years to sit on the throne.

Aemond reaches up to grasp at a strand of copper hair. The same shade as his mothers. He twists it around his finger while shifting to make himself more comfortable. "I thought all of my achievements would be more fruitful," he ponders.

It seems that ruling a kingdom falls on the eldest male heir, even if they are not fit to rule. Aegon sits on the throne, yet the rest of the council rules on his behalf. This puts the Targaryen name to shame; the fool barely speaks High Valyrian.

"Patience is key. Aegon shows no signs of changing. He will be his own downfall," you respond thoughtfully. You hate thinking about Aegon in such a way, but it's the truth. He wants to prove himself so badly but goes about it all the wrong way.

Copper hair leads to naked skin the same shade as his mother's, and for once, he can imagine himself in his mother's embrace. It brings tears to his eyes as he curls further into you, and his nose brushes against your skin.

With the pillows propping you up and Aemond curled on your lap, you press a kiss to the crown of his head. Your touch runs all over his skin, from his face to his feet.

Aemond continues to speak his mind, and you offer the perfect responses to his dilemmas, calming him when his emotions get the best of him and tears spill from his eyes.

He should've come to you sooner. You're a high-born lady who knows much more about life in court. There were always warning signs with Sylvi. She tried to manipulate him into thinking about the common folk and their ailments more than once. She would never understand that while House Targaryen is at war, there is no space to think about the well-being of its subordinates.

When silence ensues, Aemond allows himself to look up at you. You're serene as you hold him close to your body without an ounce of impatience. The resemblance to his mother is there, but he got something much better.

He got a woman who loves him unconditionally, flaws and all.

Lacing his fingers with yours, Aemond closes his eyes and melts further into your touch. You hug him close and whisper your affections. This is how it was always meant to be.

That night, Aemond sleeps in your chambers. It would be wrong for him to leave after you've treated him with such tenderness. You are no simple whore from the street of silk. You are his wife, and as such, you are meant to be treated with utmost respect. Something he had failed to do but no more.

Breathy whines, wake him before the sun rises. Recognizing your voice, he wakes, looking at his surroundings for any danger. When you whine once more, he glances over at you.

You squirm in your sleep, seemingly uncomfortable. Something bothers you, but your exhaustion prevents you from waking. One of your hands reaches for your chest, and another whine spills from your lips.

Aemond's eye is drawn to the action. He reaches for the sheet covering your body and pulls on it to find the cause of your discomfort. His breath hitches, and his cock aches.

Your breasts are swollen and tender from being filled to their capacity, causing beads of milk to leak from the stiff peaks of your nipples.

Aemond briefly remembers you mentioning how Baelor has been fuzzy lately, and Rhaegar is getting older and doesn't seek you as often for food, yet you continue to produce copious amounts of milk. He has been blessed with a perfect wife and an excellent mother who produces enough sustenance for his children.

Aemond's pointer finger traces a path down your neck to your left breast. They are calling to him as his finger follows the curve of your breast up to your puffy areola and tip of your nipple. A slight press to the taught skin prompts more fluid to leak down your sides, and you hiss in discomfort.

Bringing his finger up to his lips, he licks the whitish liquid. Perhaps it's a mistake, as he's left wanting more. Aemond uncovers the top half of your naked body and leans over your chest. With one look towards your beautiful face, he wraps his lips around the plush flesh of your breast.A surge of liquid fills his mouth.

You have the sweetest milk he has ever had the pleasure of tasting. Aemond moans at the saccharine taste. It is so much better than the farce he had in the brothel. This milk comes from his wife, who nurtures his healthy sons.

A loud, sultry moan spills from your lips as some of the pressure is alleviated. You're now between sleep and awareness. Your hand cradling the back of Aemond's head.

Aemond's cock is painfully hard as it presses against your thigh. He's been driven into a frenzy, your milk serving as an aphrodisiac. His hand brushes against your inner thigh to answer a rising question.

Careful fingers find your wet slit, proving his theory right. He's not the only depraved person in the room. Your body is responsive to him even in altered states of consciousness.

Your cunt is absolutely drenched, making it so easy for Aemond to push a finger in. It's enough to fully wake you from your slumber. "Ah, Aemond." You throw your head back in pleasure.

It takes you a second to take in the entirety of Aemond's actions. The pleasure coursing through you, overwhelming your senses. A loud moan tears through your throat at the realization that Aemond is not simply teasing your breasts. Aemond feasts on your aching tits.

"Have your fill, my prince," you beg as that ache in your chest is pleasingly soothed.

Aemond is eager and rough. The light stubble of his jaw sends a current of electricity down to your cunt where you clench around his fingers.

"My Aemond, good boy." He responds to the praise why sliding another finger into your tight cunny. The slick sound of your arousal accompanies the suckling of his lips.

You squeeze your other breast to alleviate the tightening discomfort and drops fall on your hand. Drawn to it, Aemond switches, and you squeal as his teeth scrape the sensitive skin of your nipple.

Aemond ruts into your thigh as he quickens the pace of his fingers intruding on your cunny to part through your walls. The vibration of his quiet moans stimulates your swollen peaks.

If this is not heaven, he doesn't wish for it.

Your fingers tangle in his silver hair when you arch your back to offer yourself to him. His eye meets your hooded gaze and sets himself to give you whatever you please. His thumb circles your pearl expertly, and he curls his digits to hit your spot more firmly.

You cry in pleasure with your hips, riding his fingers until you come with a shudder and his name on your lips. Your walls clamp down on his fingers hard enough it is hard for him to retrieve them.

Aemond rises from your chest and pinches your cheeks with his fingers that remain coated with your slick, prompting your mouth to open. A stream of your milk falls from his mouth to yours as he gives you a sweet taste.

You believe another orgasm rips through your body as his lips press against yours to share a sweet tasting kiss. His tongue invades your mouth, allowing you the pleasure of tasting yourself on his tongue.

"Please," you beg for him, spreading your legs wantonly.

One to indulge his wife in all pleasures, Aemond pulls you on top of him, "Take what you desire."

His cock is fully erect and begging for attention. The tip is swollen and flushed a deep pink as it leaks pre that beads down his shaft.

Aemond acknowledges you've reached your limit when his beautiful wife, who adores worshipping his cock on her knees, grabs his length and sinks onto him without a preamble.

"Go on, my love, you can take it," Aemond hisses as you try to lower yourself to take all of him. His hands grip your hips tightly, urging you on. He swears your walls continue to contract from your previous peak.

"Aemond, husband," you moan lewdly. Your hips tentatively begin bouncing on him, and your tits follow to Aemond's delight.

He's mesmerized by them and how they continue to leak. Aemond mouths one more aggressively, teasing your nipple with his tongue, nipping at the surrounding flesh to leave his mark. His hand massages the other, allowing droplets to fall down your abdomen and onto your cunt.

"My perfect wife, such a good mother," Aemond mutters, praising you, "Pretty tits always full and her cunny always wet."

You hold onto Aemond's strong shoulders, your nails leaving marks across his back. Your hips grind on him deliciously as your clit rubs against his pelvis.

"Aemond, please," you beg, quickening your pace. You're on the verge of yet another delicious peak. "I want another." You'll have as many as he wants as long as he treats you with this much attention.

Aemond kisses up your neck and growls in your ear, "I shall give you as many as you'd like."

Swiftly, he turns you so your back is to the bed. He hikes your thighs up around his waist and snaps his hips fiercely. You first the bedsheets around you as Aemond holds bruisingly against your hips and thighs.

He's close to his own peak as well. Aemond manages to hold back because of all the attention he's giving your tits, but his cock cannot take anymore, especially with how deliciously your walls wrap around him.

Aemond admires his perfect wife. Your hair fans out on the pillows, and your facial expression morphs into one of pure ecstasy as you come once more. Your breasts are less swollen, but your stiff peaks remain puffy and flushed from his attention. Your cunt chokes his cock, knowing exactly what it takes to please him.

His rhythmic thrusting begins to falter, so with a couple more jerks of his hips and a groan, he paints your insides white. "There we go, all for you."

"Thank you," you lilt, biting your lip at the sensation of being filled.

You giggle when he leans down to kiss all over your face, a laugh of his own reaching your ears.

The door creaking open wakes you up, bringing the sheets to your chest, you sit up. Aemond lets the bedsheet fall to his lap, ready to scold whoever dares interrupt his time with his wife.

A small blonde head peaks in, and a big grin unleashes on its lips when he sees his parents. Young Rhaegar toddles into the room, and his head is barely seen as he stands on the edge of the bed. His tiny hands try to grasp the edge, but he's still too small to get himself up.

Aemond reaches over to bring him up, pressing a kiss on his head, but Rhaegar happily crawls over Aemond and falls into your waiting arms.

Aemond's exposed sapphire earns no reaction. In fact, the eyepatch tends to catch his son's attention more. Aemond ensured that when his sons came into this world, he would greet them as he truly is.

You pepper kisses all over Rhaegar's face, and he giggles, squirming on your lap. While Baelor favored his father, Rhaegar was entirely yours. "What are you doing here, little dragon?" You ask him sweetly.

The nursemaid stepping through the open door answers your question, "Prince Aemond, Lady Hightower. My apologies, he scurried away before I could-"

"It is alright. You may leave us," Aemond says, waving his hand to dismiss her. The young girl bows her head, hiding her blushing cheeks, and scurries away without saying another word, aware of the compromising position of the Prince and his wife.

"My sweetest, why are you up so early?" You coo, threading your fingers through his messy hair that sticks up in all directions.

Rhaegar hides his face on your chest, mumbling, "Missed you."

You gasp dramatically, facing the young boy with a surprised expression. "You missed me? I missed you!" Your son laughs and presses a wet kiss to your cheek.

"What about me, little dragon?" Aemond asks, tickling his belly.

Rhaegar cutely shakes his head with a mischievous smile, squealing loudly when Aemond reaches for him and takes him into his own arms to tickle him.

"Mama!" Rhaegar's childlike laugh pierces the air as he asks for your help.

"You're going to get me in trouble," Aemond grumbles, playfully glaring at his son as he continues to tickle him.

"Mama!" Rhaegar repeats, pushing Aemond's hands away and waiting for you to scold Aemond or something.

You watch the interaction with a wide smile. It's nice to see Aemond this calm. "Give me back, my little dragon, or there are no more kisses for you," you threaten Aemond with a furrow of your eyebrows and a pout. Aemond abruptly stops and loosens his hold on the toddler.

Rhaegar laughs and throws himself in your arms, hugging your neck. His giggles never cease. Aemond winks at you and pulls you to lie on his chest.

"How about we go see Vhagar later?" Aemond asks Rhaegar who calmed down to a drowsy state. It's still very early for him to have been up. He must've had a bad dream.

"Sunfyre?" Rhaegar gasps, looking up at his father. Aemond rolls his eyes and nods. He guesses he can invite Aegon so his son can see the golden dragon.

"That's your favorite, isn't it?" You ask him amusedly, although you agree. Sunfyre is a beautiful dragon and much friendlier than Vhagar.

Rhaegar nods enthusiastically as he babbles about the pretty dragon. You lay with your back to Aemond's chest as he envelops you both with his arms.

At that moment, Aemond realizes he feels fulfilled with his little family by his side.

it was not part of the plan to let this oneshot be this long. there is something about the complexity of aemond's character that doesn't let me write something brief.

nonetheless this was a super fun oneshot to write. it took me the whole week because i was so busy but i had been thinking about it nonstop. i think i overdid it with the lactation part but oh well!

if you enjoyed this oneshot please don’t forget to like or comment (i accept aemond's sapphire, rhaenyra's crown, criston cole slander, emojis, words of encouragement, a lot of praise, virtual hugs and gushing about sunfyre and aegon) and if you want more of it feel free to let me know!

-nikki 🖤

610 notes · View notes

batmanisagatewaydrug · 3 months

Note

idk if this is a sex ed question, or if you're the right person to ask, sorry, but do you have any reputable sources about what testosterone *actually* does?

i see people saying it limits your emotions, that it gives you breast cancer, that it makes you malnourished, its a second more dangerous puberty, etc, and I'd like to think im good at picking out lies, but there's a lot of stuff that sounds like bullshit coming from blogs i thought were trustworthy.

if not, all good, thank you in advance!

hi anon,

I'm really glad you sent this ask, because this kind of scaremongering misinformation is deeply upsetting and I'm so happy to provide a better information.

there are tons of reputable sources as to what testosterone does; some that I'll be pulling from in this answer include Cleveland Clinic, Harvard Medical School, University of California San Francisco, Mayo Clinic, the Society for Endocrinology, and Planned Parenthood.

so, what's up testosterone?

testosterone is a hormone produced in everyone's bodies, either in the testes or the ovaries depending on which set of equipment you're working with. all bodies produce both estrogen and testosterone, usually in different levels. regardless of the genitalia you were born with, how you understand your gender, or what levels of testosterone you have in your body, testosterone affects things like your sex drive, your hair growth, muscle and bone density, and the production of red blood cells.

in people born with testes, puberty usually comes with an increase in testosterone that kicks off changes such as growth of the penis and testicles, the production of sperm, an increase in hair growth all over the body, deepening of the voice, greater production of oil on the skin, and an increase in height, weight, and muscle mass.

either an overabundance or a deficit of testosterone can have health complications, just as having more or less of any hormone that a body needs can cause complications.

people who choose to transition by taking testosterone will experience many similar effects as cisgender men going through puberty, including the increase in body hair, skin oils, and muscle mass, as well as a deepening voice. while people on testosterone are unlikely to experience significant growth in terms of height unless they start hormone replacement therapy (HRT) at a fairly young age, testosterone does frequently cause a redistribution of fat on their bodies to be more similar to that of cisgender men. bottom growth, the increased size and sensitivity of the clitoris to more closely resemble a penis, is also common; the clitoris and the penis are homologous structures (they're made out of the same goo when embryos start developing genitalia), hence why they react similarly to testosterone.

to address your specific concerns:

testosterone does not limit the range of a person's emotions. while it may impact a person's mood and the severity of their feelings, the same is true of any hormone - for instance, people also report mood changes when they take antidepressants or birth control. the sometimes drastic mood fluctuations experienced during puberty are not tied to a specific hormone; this is a turbulent time regardless of what hormones your body is producing the most. testosterone is stereotyped as making people angry and violent, but all people are people regardless of their biology and are shaped by much more than the hormones in their body.

while cisgender men and trans people on testosterone can both get breast cancer, testosterone does not pose any particular risk. several of the sources linked about don't find any significant link between taking testosterone HRT and an increased risk of breast cancer, reporting that transgender individuals who take testosterone are not at any particularly higher risk of developing breast cancer than cisgender women. for more detailed information about potential health problems affiliated with taking testosterone, I recommend the "Risks" section of the linked UCSF document. yes, there are health risks affiliated with taking testosterone; this is true of literally any medication and, more importantly, is also true of just being a person with any kind of hormones in your body. cis men and women also have health conditions affiliated with being cis men and cis women, this is the price of admission for having a human body. nobody gets out unscathed.

there is no evidence that testosterone causes someone to become malnourished. people undergoing a testosterone-based puberty, whether they're cis or trans, are likely to experience a great deal of growth and bodily changes that will use a great deal of calories, which means they may be hungry and need more food than they did previously. this is a normal effect of puberty on a body, and is only a risk for malnourishment if a person isn't able to eat in sufficient amounts to keep their body properly nourished.

there is nothing about a testosterone-based puberty that is "more dangerous" than an estrogen-based puberty, which is what I assume is the point of comparison. puberty is a completely natural process that does not pose any significant dangers unless you want to be a real dipshit about it and pull some shit like "puberty is dangerous because you grow breast tissue and then you're at risk for breast cancer," in which case sure, great job, Sherlock. you solved it, puberty is cancelled forever. I cannot emphasize enough how stupid this is, conceptually; roughly half the human population goes through this kind of puberty every day and they're fucking fine. puberty by itself is not a risk factor of anything.

I don't know what particular interest the blogs you've been following have in making testosterone-based puberty sound like it's going to turn you into an emotionally stunted skeleton with breast cancer, although I fear it's transphobia hidden unsubtly behind concern trolling and disdain for cisgender men.

if you're interested in taking testosterone and are concerned about the changes you might see in your body please, for the love of god, consult with reputable health resources and a doctor rather than whatever nematode is posting about testosterone ruining your life.

#sex edventures 2024 #testosterone

655 notes · View notes

brujaluas · 8 days

Text

How will your future spouse feel when you touch they?

pile 1

This pile here contains sensitive content, it's up to you to read it or no.

I'm feeling confused here, I'd say your future spouse may have some issues with touching, including the most intimate ones, some kind of trauma or a really bad experience that has left them on high alert all the time, and it was possibly even another woman who made them feel this way, so it's something you need to have a lot of empathy and care for, when you touch them they feel very thoughtful about it and feel happy soon after because it's you touching them but then the bad feelings come back again, not because of you, but because of the things they've been through, very sympathetic energy, be patient with them and understand that everyone needs space, when you're their partner encourage them to go to therapy, couples groups, always showing that you're there for them.

pile 2

Soft and calm energy, for some you awaken their feminine side, making everything more vibrant and for others they really like your feminine energy and delicacy in touches and feelings, in the way you show your love (regardless of gender), they feel like they found the perfect fit, what they were looking for, it hadn't worked out before because it had to be with you, you know, something like that, they feel something and really guided, they feel loved and I'm hearing "I feel loved and not objectified".

pile 3

You will be dealing with a very shy person, your future spouse is quite introverted and may have had problems with their own sexuality throughout their life, they may even have had a certain reluctance or shyness in touching themselves and getting to know their own body, if you understand, they will like and want and appreciate your stock only when you are completely alone, like on a deserted beach where there is only human life 10 km away lol not because they are ashamed of you or anything like that, but they are just very very very shy, and they cannot deal with it, even within a relationship they may be shy in other relationship issues, anyway it is something that you need to work on, because this person feels very trapped and with bad feelings because of this, they do not like being like that.

#witchy things #pick a pile #pick a card reading #pick a pile reading #pick a card #tarot deck #divination #tarot reading #tarot cards #free tarot #pick a photo #pick a picture #tarot reading future spouse #future spouse reading #oracle #oracle cards

395 notes · View notes

readsaboutreid · 2 months

Text

Permanent Solution | S.R.

cw: big big warning for suicidal ideation (first person POV so you get some of the full on thought spiraling) typical criminal minds violence (reader gets kidnapped by an unsub and tortured but it doesn’t get too descriptive), extreme angst, Morgan being a dick at first (I love him but he was the only person I could really see for the role he fills in the plot with his tell it like it is vibes) but he gets his redemption in pt 2 i promise

no request for this one i had a real bad day and needed to use my thought spiral in some sort of creative outlet to get myself out of it so i took it out on spencer and reader sorry in advance y'all

"None of us like you."

The words rattled around in my brain as I walked absent-mindedly, my destination already in the back of my mind. I hadn't made this walk in five months. The five months before that had been focused on reducing the number of times I took this path.

First, the goal had been to reduce the number of times I felt compelled to take this particular walk. Walks overall weren't out of the question, and were actually encouraged. Especially walks where I shared the company with someone else. But this specific one was different. It carried a different weight. The initial goal set with my therapist had been to reduce how often I walked this path from nearly every night to no more than two or three times a week, substituting it with a different path through a different and more active part of town. After that, the goal was to move to only walking this path once a week. Then, ideally, none at all.

Ten months. Ten months of twice-weekly therapy sessions down the drain. With five measly words. I started to wonder what Spencer would say if he knew where I was headed, but shook my head free of the thought. He'd be better off in the end, anyways. The wind bit into my cheeks and I tugged the green cardigan that hung loosely off my shoulders so that it was tighter around me, the only protection from the cold that seeped down into my bones. I began to walk faster as I shivered, trying anything I could to warm up my body even just a little bit, and thought back to the encounter from earlier that had caused me to spiral so suddenly and severely.

"—none of us like you," Morgan said to me, cutting me off right as I was attempting to defend my previous decision to turn down the previous drink night invitations in the twelve months since I'd been at the BAU, resulting in Spencer also turning them down and going home with me, instead for the last eleven out of twelve of those months. The expression on his face matched the complete and utter disdain dripping from each and every word. "Not even Hotch, who got you the job in the first place, seems to want you on the team anymore. The only person who ever wants you to be around is Reid, and none of us can figure out why." When he finished I took a look around the table to see everyone else just looking down and avoiding my gaze, including Penelope, who had become somewhat of a sister to me in the past year.

"You—," my voice caught in my throat at that point and I cleared it, trying to sound as steady as I could as I asked, "A-all of you share this sentiment?" Despite strength I had tried to muster to ask that question, my voice only came out thick and wavery, and it was all I could do to keep my lip and lower jaw from trembling. I had tried as hard as possible to overcome myself since starting at the BAU, to believe that the people around me genuinely enjoyed my presence and didn't secretly roll their eyes and sigh in relief when I left the room, but apparently I had failed to make them like me and that's exactly what they felt.

"You'll have to excuse me, please," I gasped as the information presented to me sank in. I then stood, my eyes swimming with tears, and ran from the table they had all situated themselves into at the bar, only to run head on into Spencer, who grabbed my by the shoulders with a soft laugh and gentle smile.

"Easy there, (Y/N)," he chuckled while steadying me. It was only then that he realized something was wrong and his smile was immediately replaced with a concerned frown. "Hey, what's wrong, angel?" I shook my head, shook free of his grasp, and kept making for the door, my head slowing down a bit as I finally was able to take in a breath of fresh air as I made it outside.

Spencer hastily followed after me, right at my heels. "(Y/N)! (Y/N), wait!" He called after me, pushing his way through the crowd and finally out the door as well before wrapping me tightly in his arms. "Hey, now, what's wrong, love?" He cooed as he pressed my head into his chest and wrapped his cardigan around my shoulders when he felt me tremble.

I hesitated, debating what to say to him. I could either tell him the truth and earn the further ire of our colleagues by snitching or I could do what I do best: blow every thing up so there would be nobody else to blame but myself. I opted for the latter.

With a deep, shuddering breath, I finally managed to force the words from my throat. Each one stabbed into my chest with the force of a dull butter knife. "I— th-this—," I stumbled, "th-this isn't working, Spencer." My voice was barely above a whisper by the end when I finally met his eyes, which quickly filled with tears at hearing my words.

"Wh-what?" The word came out as nothing more than a breath but within it I swear I could hear the crack in his chest that echoed the one in my own. "Why— wh-what— I don't— where is this coming from?"

"I'm sorry," I said through soft sobs before I turned and ran off, leaving him standing on the sidewalk with tears slowly beginning to fall down his cheeks.

I had broken his heart, ensuring that he, too, would hate me. That was the plan. I had to push him away and make him hate me as much as the rest of them so that it would hurt him less when they found me. I made the last turn and found myself at my destination - the 11th Street bridge.

Spencer stood on the sidewalk, staring after her long after she had disappeared around the corner up ahead. He ran through the events of the past hour, trying to figure out what he could have done.

"You can go without me, Spencer," she protested as he tried to convince her to go out for drink night with the rest of the team.

"Please come with me? It will be fun, I promise!" It was a strange reversal for him to be the one trying to coax someone else into going out. Usually it was Morgan trying to convince him to go out (Garcia had literally forced him to go out with her after a particularly rough case or two), but now he decided to pay it forward to get his girlfriend to come out with their team and have some much needed fun. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"What if they don't actually want me there?" She asked, her voice small and timid.

"That's ridiculous! Why wouldn't they want you there? You're amazing," he smiled at her, starting to pepper her face with kisses in an attempt to cheer her up. She giggled quietly, not really trying as she made to push him away. He continued his assault, kissing her cheeks, forehead, nose, and lips, over and over with light pecks. When she finally acquiesced, he was giddy with excitement and felt a swell of pride in his chest at the progress she had made since they met.

As they stepped out of his car he grabbed her hand and saw her face twist with anxiety. He gave her hand a soft, reassuring squeeze before his phone rang, the number for the mental facility his mother currently resided in showing on the screen. "I need to take this, head on inside and I'll be right there, okay angel?" She swallowed nervously and walked inside, and he took the call.

5 minutes and 29 seconds.

That's how long he had been on the phone. Whatever had happened had taken only 5 minutes and 29 seconds. And it ended his relationship.

Spencer found himself pushing the door open and walking back inside the bar. His blood rushed in his ears as he approached the table and stared at all of his coworkers.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice just loud enough to be heard above the music.

"Reid," Morgan started, but Spencer cut him off. "Don't look at us like th—"

"Whatever was said in the 5 minutes and 29 seconds I was on the phone with my mother's hospital resulted in me getting dumped on the sidewalk outside when not even 30 minutes ago (Y/N) was laughing, and smiling, and happy. So what. Happened?" He seethed.

"Alright, you want to know what happened, Reid?" Morgan snapped, preparing to stand up and tell him off before being stopped by Penelope, who looked as though she was still on the verge of tears.

“Reid, I’m sorry,” she whispered as she stood up instead, standing in front of Spencer. “I should have stopped him,” she continued, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t have let him talk to her like that.”

“What did he tell her?” Spencer turned to Garcia, interrupting Derek as he opened his mouth to interject.

“I told her the truth,” Morgan slurred, finishing off what the rest of them knew was his fourth glass of whiskey. Spencer opted to ignore his clearly drunk colleague and continued to address Garcia.

“Garcia, what did he say to my girlfriend?” Spencer insisted, his anger being slowly replaced by a sense of growing dread.

“He— he told her nobody wanted her around,” she admitted, her eyes closing and her face twisting with guilt before she hastily added, “which of course that’s not the case! I love (Y/N) like she’s my own sister...” Spencer felt his heart drop into the pit that had become his stomach as his fears were confirmed.

“But?” Spencer added, tilting his head to the side, his voice growing quieter as the conversation continued.

“...but the rest of us miss you, Spence,” JJ finally spoke up. “We haven’t seen you in ages outside of work! If she’s keeping you from spending time with your friends, that's a little bit of a red flag, isn't it?” She reasoned, standing to put a hand on his bicep to calm him.

He angrily shook her off, the anxiety coursing through his veins shifting back into an icy rage. “She hasn’t kept me from doing anything, Jennifer,” he spat through gritted teeth as he held her gaze, which was a mix of shock and hurt at his tone.

“Spence, I just meant that—” JJ started, but was immediately interrupted by Spencer, whose rage was steadily growing to the point where he was certain he was visibly trembling.

“In fact, she has been continually insisting that I leave her behind to come out with you all, but given that I don’t drink much to begin with I usually just opt for a night in with her. I didn’t realize I needed permission from the rest of the team to make that decision for myself,” he bit back before turning to leave.

“Where are you going, Reid? Reid! Come on, man, be reasonable!” Morgan called out, only for Spencer to ignore him and keep walking. If he stayed there any longer, he knew he would end up saying something he’d regret, and with the way most of them were talking about his girlfriend—ex-girlfriend—he figured they’d find some way to blame her for his outburst if he did.

When he finally exited the bar, he felt a hand wrap around his wrist and he turned on his heel, preparing for another round of arguing, only to be met with the now tear-streaked cheeks of Penelope Garcia.

“What do you want, Garcia?” He snapped, his face softening as he took in her apologetic expression.

“I— I’m sorry, Spencer,” she whispered. “I should have told Derek to shut up, I’m so sorry! I just— I hate when the people I love start fighting like that! I shut down and— and I know I should have stood up for her but I just— I just froze like a coward and—” her voice grew more frantic and upset before Spencer cut her off.

“Garcia, it’s not your fault,” Spencer sighed, his anger fading away until the only thing he felt was the ache in his chest. “Derek was drunk and belligerent. You’re not responsible for his actions.” He paused as he took a deep, shuddering breath. “I just wish I could have been there to put a stop to it. She’s so sweet, and kind, and utterly terrified of people. I shouldn’t have sent her in by herself knowing that." His voice cracked as a fresh wave of tears started to fall down his own cheeks.

“Spencer, you had no way of knowing any of this would happen,” Penelope wrapped Spencer in a tight hug, and he finally broke down. His body shook gently with soft, nearly silent sobs and he cried into her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Spencer. I know how much you love her.” Garcia’s own voice cracked as her heart ached for the crying boy in her arms.

“Wh— what do I do, Penelope?” He mumbled into the sleeve of her sweater. “I just want to help her feel better.” That’s all he’d wanted since he’d first laid eyes on her. He’d never forget how emaciated she had looked, her skin pallid and her eyes nothing more than dim, lifeless pits with dark bruise-like rings underneath them.

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Dr. (Y/L/N). She just graduated from the academy and has expertise in psycholinguistics as well as a doctorate in neuropsychology, so I have no doubt she’ll be an excellent addition to the team.”

Spencer had tried his hardest in the two months after that initial introduction to get to know her, to understand why she looked like a reanimated corpse (albeit a very beautiful one) who had just wandered out of a morgue. Over those two months, the two of them had grown closer and closer, thanks to much insistent pushing from him. At first, it came in the form of attempting to get her to join the rest of them for drinks at their bar of choice (the others would never invite her themselves but Spencer would insist to her that it was okay, that she was a part of the team), but quickly he realized that all might be a bit too much for her. So, one night, he told the team he wasn’t feeling up to going out and instead privately asked (Y/N) if she’d want to join him for pizza and a movie at his place since he wasn't feeling up to big crowds and he had a feeling neither was she. He had been prepared to be turned down but was pleasantly surprised when her face showed the slightest expression of piqued interest and she agreed.

He then started to skip out on pretty much all of the future invitations to go out for drinks with the rest of the team, opting instead to go home for pizza and Doctor Who or Star Trek marathons with her, and he started seeing a whole other side to her that no one else had even suspected could have existed. She’d slowly opened to him, occasionally letting out quiet and restrained laughs at his goofy jokes and puns at the beginning of their friendship.

Eventually, those soft titters grew into ebullient, beautiful laughs that were like music to his ears. Her smiles went from being forced and never meeting her eyes to lighting up her entire face, at times so brightly that Spencer swore she could illuminate a dark room with nothing but her smile. She showed that there was a side to her that was goofy, outgoing, and full of life.

It was around then (November 17 at 11:57 PM) that their relationship had started officially with a soft, tentative kiss goodnight; but from the very first time he heard her let out a soft, breathy giggle at his goofy joke about Spock having three ears (‘a left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ier!’), Spencer knew that he would marry her someday.

Or at least he had thought so, until tonight.

“Give her some space to sort out her emotions, Spencer,” the voice of Penelope Garcia in his ear dragged him back into the present, her arms still wrapped tightly around him. “She loves you more than anything, and we both know that.” She let go and gave him a teary smile before wiping her cheeks.

“You’re right,” he replied, taking in another deep, shuddering breath. “Plus, she walked away with my cardigan, and we both know she’s a stickler about returning borrowed clothing!” He attempted a joke, but the laugh he tried to give after cracking it came out more like another choked sob.

“If I were you, I’d just give her a quick phone call and let her know that you love her no matter what anyone else says or thinks, okay? She needs to know that more than she needs anything else right now.”

“Right. Yes, you’re right,” he muttered, wiping his eyes on his shirt sleeve. “Thank you, Penelope.”

“I’m always here for you, Spencer,” she smiled at him before adding, “both of you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go tear Agent Morgan a new asshole for getting you dumped and hurting my best friend.” She took a second to shake her head and rub her own cheeks to dry them. “Call me once she makes it home safely to you, okay? Promise?” He nodded quietly. “Uh-uh-uh, what was it that one kid had told you a while back? ‘A promise doesn’t count unless you say it out loud,’ right?”

“I promise,” Spencer felt a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips. He then walked down the block to his car, got in, and drove home to wait for (Y/N).

When he arrived and had walked through the doorway, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed her number. It rang four times and then went to her voicemail.

“Hi, you’ve reached the voicemail of Dr. (Y/L/N), I can’t come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number, I’ll return your call as soon as I am able. Thanks!” Beep.

“Hi, (Y/N). So, Penelope filled me in on everything that happened,” he began shakily, and took a deep breath before he continued. “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to stop Morgan from saying all of that, but please, please know that no one hates you, I promise. Penelope assured me that she was going to tear him a new one for what he said, and I promised her that I’d call her once you made it home safely.” He paused, searching for his next words carefully, and settled on, “I love you so much, angel. Please, please never forget that.” And then he had to hang up the phone, his eyes filling with more tears.

He made his way to the couch and sat down, turning the TV on and finding a marathon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer playing. Knowing it was her favorite show, he left it on and patiently waited. On the couch sat a small stuffed cat with a blue and white spotted mushroom for a head that he had gifted her on a whim, Dr. Mewshroom, as she had taken to calling it. He grabbed Dr. Mewshroom and hugged it close to his chest as he leaned back on the couch and eventually dozed off.

I paced up and down the 11th Street bridge for an hour before I decided to hop up and sit on the railing. My walking had warmed me up significantly, so I shed the cardigan Spencer had wrapped around my shoulders. Hopefully, it would be returned to him when they eventually found me. I stared down into the dark water beneath my dangling feet and tried to find the courage within me to jump, but I couldn’t give myself the final push I needed, just like all of the previous times I’d made this trip.

I must have sat there for fifteen more minutes or so before I decided to give it up and go home to Spencer. Maybe, if I begged and pleaded with him, he’d take me back. I checked my phone to see that I had a missed call from him. Weird, I hadn’t even heard it ring. Before I could turn myself around to hop off the railing, I was grabbed from behind and a cloth was pressed to my mouth and nose, blocking me from screaming. My nose and throat filled with a burning sensation before everything faded to black...

#criminal minds fandom #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x fem!reader #criminal minds fanfic #spencer x reader #spencer reid #heavy angst #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fic #angst

326 notes · View notes

marlenacantswim · 8 months

Text

tenth doctor the most relatable doctor because i too have a massive ego and ignore people who are attracted to me 💖

closeups (including text and image ID) under the cut, snip snip snip ✂️

[Image ID: a sketchpage-style series of eight digital drawings of the tenth doctor. they are all bust/torso up, and each is doing a different activity in slightly different canon outfits. the first depicts him in his glasses fiddling with wires. in the next he's wearing classic 3d specs, and appears shocked. in the next he is smiling with his face close to the viewer while donna stands annoyedly behind him. in the next he side-eyes the viewer with a neutral to serious expression. the next depicts his sad, wounded face from the aftermath of the conflict in End of Time Part Two; his suit jacket is slightly torn and his eyes are watery. the next has him examining a chip pierced at the end of a plastic fork he's holding. in the next he stares off to the side, slightly confused. in the last he's wielding the sonic screwdriver, pointing it upwards with a perplexed look on his face. there is penciled text scribbled around the drawings, reading "Ten!", "god complex", "GEEK CHIC", "adhd icon", "everyone want her sooo bad", "baby girl", "go whiteboy go!!!", "farsighted (for the DRAMA)", "stylish bedhead", "there's like, four of him", "SAD.", "WET.", "PATHETIC.", "will not STFU", "has canonically eaten human blood :)", "omfg?!", "needs therapy", "kinda toxic :/ (free my girl martha)", "if a drowned weasel was also the most beautiful girl you're ever seen", "misses his girlfriend :(", "PRETTYBOY", "asexual SLUT", "he's sorry. he's so, so sorry.", and "ALLONS-Y!". there is also sparse radial gallifreyan and crude sketches of the tardis and a chuck converse shoe. /.End ID]

my brain goes "ooooo you are gonna draw tenth doctor fifty bajillion time" and i go "thanks brain you are correct. we are in agreement."

#the tenth doctor and i also share a fondness for: having adhd; sitting in chairs wrong; being slightly farsighted;#wearing exclusively hightop chucks; and preferring our hair resemble some sort of evil birdsnest #i've started stimming with my hair because of this bitch. unbelivable.#also i know i'm not supposed to put image ids below readmores #i'm a wordy bitch :(#doctor who #nuwho #tenth doctor #10th doctor #david tennant #donna noble #catherine tate #running my mouth #made this with my hands #my artwork #doctor who fanart

885 notes · View notes

fatliberation · 18 days

Text

A message from a close friend of mine: ❤️

Hi everyone! I am raising funds for my best friend & chosen family member Eli Arrington. Eli was recently discharged from the hospital with a diagnosis of Guillain-Barré Syndrome, a rare neurological and autoimmune condition. Eli will be attending frequent outpatient therapy appointments (physical, occupational, mental health) and various other appointments including primary care and neurology as they work to regain mobility and strength on the long road to recovery.

Eli is unable to drive and their family works full-time outside of the house, so they cannot provide rides to appointments. Funds will be used for transportation via Lyft or Uber for them and their mobility aid to and from 3-5 medical and mental health appointments a week.

Eli cares deeply for their community and loves us well. I am hoping we can give them the same kindness and care they give others during this hard time. Eli has held my hand and the hands of many other friends through life-changing challenges. Please help us give back to our chosen family, community member, and friend during their own life-altering health crisis. No amount is too small. Please share this fundraiser with everyone you can. Thank you!

I know Eli personally, they are a wonderful human being. ❤️ Please help me support my community! No donation is too small.

#inbox #fat mutual aid #fat liberation #fat activism #fundraiser #lgbtq+#queer mutual aid

241 notes · View notes

simping-on-the-daily · 1 month

Text

Claws, Katanas, Compassion and Ketamine

Summary: You were the link between Vanessa and Wade during their breakup. They get back together, creating the perfect triangle. And then Wolverine shows up too, because you totally live in a suite apartment that can fit everyone.

Notes: God I love poly, mutant!reader, gn!reader, I wrote this in one day and thirty minutes last night and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be obvious

Warnings: Gets real suggestive near the end but it's a fade to black, typical Deadpool content, from swearing to sex, reader does drugs and is very unhinged Wade’s just worse, not betaread we die like Worstie’s X-Men

The three of you ‘broke up’ in your shitty but homey apartment. Vanessa knew that her death caused Wade to try and kill himself numerous times, and dying shook her up a bit. After being rejected by the Avengers, Wade spent too much time hating himself and wondering where he went wrong, unintentionally neglecting his relationship with both of you

You were the red rope, the link, the buckle on the belt, it seemed. Shit got messy, Wade assumed too fast, but Vanessa wanted to be with you and you still loved Wade, vice versa. Vanessa tried to work stuff out herself, moving out, you stayed at the apartment, and Wade went to live with Blind Al again. You video chatted and texted everyday, and did your darndest to be by both sides.

Vanessa called you one day. She'd gotten the therapy, she said. Wanted to get back with Wade, try again at the least. You encouraged her to try and ask at Wade's surprise party, an extra present to add to the love in the late mutant’s life. Vanessa blew you kisses through the computer, and you mimicked catching them and placing the kisses on your cheek.

Then Wade got kidnapped, and came back two days later, claiming to have saved your entire universe, with some extra company.

“You must think saving the world's sexy, huh, Vanny?” You joked to Vanessa, lightly elbowing her after she and Wade made the promise attempted to try again over his second birthday dinner.

“Shut up and kiss me.” Vanessa put a finger to your chin in jest, and you accepted, embracing her with a gentle kiss to the lips.

“Already getting on it without me?” Wade interrupted, a metaphorical eyebrow raised in light-hearted query, poking in from the room you were in. Your response was simply to blow a kiss, which Wade quickly grabbed and pressed his hand against his cheek, swooning like a teenage girl. Vanessa simply giggled, and dragged you both back to join the party.

You all moved into Blind Al's apartment, in truth because you wanted to take Blind Al's coke. Wade said you couldn't, however, because that was the one thing Feige said they couldn't do. “What a pussy.” You grumbled, throwing the stash back into the floor where it belonged. And then Mary Puppins pissed on your leg, because apparently the nicest Deadpool hadn't potty trained his dog for some reason. Dick.

Oh, and the motherfucking Wolverine was here for some reason.

“Disney's gonna make him keep at this until he's 90, so we gotta give the senior citizen a house otherwise we'll get canceled for elderly abuse.” Wade 'explained’ to you in a whisper, and you nodded intently like you understood. Logan gave a middle finger in response.

He existed, that was for sure. You found him napping in the cupboard once because apparently Logan thought he was too good for the floor. He minded his business, staying out of the way. You accidentally caught him showering with the sweet smelling pink soap Wade and Vanessa shared and good god, those man’s abs were carved by Michalangelo. Fucking beautiful.

You, Wade and Vanessa sat down one night, Logan out at the bar that was full of football obsessed lunatics. And at the same time, you all spoke.

“I need that werewolf cock in me.”

“My god you guys, we need to get Peanut into bed with us, have you seen him?”

“We shouldn’t let him fourth wheel us, ask if he wants to be included.”

Vanessa glared at you both. You shrugged, while Wade did his best to look innocent.

The timing could’ve been worse, with you offering the deal with a Logan who was nearly hungover. Wade on the sofa like ‘one of those French girls’, Vanessa wore a casual hoodie with those really short shorts, and you were snorting heroin. Vanessa explained everything, and you’re pretty sure you hallucinated cartoon birdies as you spoke. Turns out, Wade did the same thing too, once.

Logan accepted anyway, so he knew what he was going to get himself into.

Eventually, you grew to accept that Logan was a weasel, not a werewolf (which is so much cooler), and that you liked seeing him smile. Made you feel good, especially when he smiled because you were running his hands through his hair.

Like some fucked up hivemind, Vanessa and Wade shared your feelings too. However, unlike last time, Logan was the one who ‘confessed’, when the dude straight up purred in contentment when you tried to sit him down at your shitty table and well, you didn’t need to do much to gather the context as to why.

You and Logan shared the ‘Good’s Cabinet’, containing your most precious drugs and Logan’s more costly drinks, both saved for the most special occasions. You offered to take him to different bars that weren’t full of football frat-bros, and both of you found a new enjoyment in clubbing.

You would wear your best jewelry and drip, while Logan would wear an oversized jacket over his ‘wife beater’ shirt, worn over his Wolverine suit. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

“They asked for no pickles,” He hovered above you like your evil shadow clone, the worker at the front desk sweating on their head and probably under the collar.

“Haha, reference.” You jokingly poked Logan’s chest, before turning to the employee. “Don’t mind him. Never worked a day of retail in his life, doesn’t get the struggle.”

“Fuck you.” Logan added compulsory, though with the vitriol of a man whose moments of swearing have entirely lost their impact. You did get a new meal, no pickles included, so maybe the guard dog privileges are necessary.

Wade and you would often go out to the park on weekends, chilling on a bench as you gave your very persuasive remarks on all the cars Wade would sell on his job. He’d challenge you to get more ridiculous, and you'd do so with a wink and excessive references to sex.

“Get the boss to add truck nuts to all your autobots,” You suggested as you and Wade both got ice cream cones from the greatest truck of all time. “Would add some blitz to your bis, yaknow?”

“You wanna have a fivesome with our Honda Odyssey?”

“Give the objectums something good.” You shrugged, and Wade responded with a look to the audience, cosplaying as a bunch of trees in Discount Central Park.

Vanessa liked to drag you shopping, and you were content watching her search for the perfume bottles with the most ornate casing. God, she was so pretty, her hair put into that messy bun and casual dress.

“This bitch is ugly.” Vanessa said, holding up a silver bottle with a diamond bottletop. You heard a crunch, and tears quickly welled up in your eyes.

“Oh, so sorry sweetie, I wasn’t talking about you-” Vanessa held up her hands and shook them in a panic, putting the bottle back.

“It’s not that,” Your voice was barely a whisper. “I think I stepped on a ladybug.”

Vanessa looked down at the red flakes on the floor near your foot. “Sweetheart, that was an M&M.”

“Oh.” You stood there in silence for a few seconds, before turning back to Vanessa in the unnatural, freakish sort of way. “You getting anything from here?”

Vanessa smiled. “I think we should have an early lunch.” And you grinned too, as she rushed you over to the food court.

Your nights were chill nights, all four of you curled up on the bed, Mary Puppins curled beside Wade’s leg as he kept changing his position every few minutes. You would braid Vanessa’s hair as she scrolled through her phone, and Logan would lie down and accept head pats and bellyrubs with a content purr. Apparently weasels can do that.

Movie nights were great, too. Logan always got the best popcorn and you all had your designated seats. With a combination of heroin and ketamine you called ‘ketarin’, you snacked on your stash while you were all forced to share two bottles of Pepsi.

“Try it, babes,” You gestured your bucket of drugs towards Wade and Logan, the former sitting on the weasel’s lap as he tried to get comfy. “You’ll be able to smell sounds and taste colors. Stereotypical, I know, but life changing.”

Logan glared at you. “Get this fucker off me and I’ll consider it.”

“Wade, get off, I want Logan to taste my ketarin.”

The mercenary huffed in exaggeration, arms crossed. “No can do, sugar tits. Peanut here needs to learn his lesson.”

“What lesson?” You huffed. “Anyways, I forgive Logan, now get off I need him to try it.”

“He was a very bad boy today, and you know this, Y/N.” Logan rolled his eyes.

“Get off him, Wade.” Vanessa spoke in that stern voice, and even though it was not directed to you, your collar was getting hot already. “We’ll sort it out later tonight, mkay?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Wade gave a mocking salute before getting off of Logan with a grumble.

“She’ll be making ya say that seriously later, you know?” You raised an eyebrow at the mercenary, who made a heart symbol with his hands as he winked.

You thrust your special bucket towards the huge, jacked man (hehe), his demands met. Logan sighed before digging his hands in, and shoved it down his mouth.

“I prefer corn starch.”

“You fucking take that back, you little slutty shitter-”

You would’ve beaten him to a pulp for disrespecting your recipe, but Vanessa gave a mock cough, getting you, him and Wade to look at her. “Legally Blonde or Die Hard?”

“It’s August, the fuck are we suggesting Die Hard for?” You huffed, arms crossed, snatching your ketarin back.

“Yeah, too early for festive cheer, sweetcheeks. And I can’t miss out on international girlboss Ms. Woods, who do you take me for?”

“Die Hard is barely a Christmas movie,” Logan scoffed, but didn’t oppose when Vanessa selected Legally Blonde with the remote.

You all relaxed, in your own fucked up way. You and Vanessa arm-wrestled over who got to have a sip of Pepsi (she won, you were trying to hold your bucket in the other hand). Wade’s commentary was louder then the movie, causing Logan to punch him, and Wade let out a murmur of ‘harder, mummy’. You snickered at Logan’s look of repulsion and confusion, looking over to Vanessa, who was most likely the mummy in question. Unfortunately for Logan, she was going onto the balcony to let Mary Puppins piss, so he looked at you.

“Something something we’ll deal with you later, something something what would Elle Woods think?”

Wade seemed to think Elle Woods thought badly of him, standing upright and flopped onto his seat. You put your hands through Logan’s hair, watching him relax from your movement, before yelping when Vanessa came back and accidentally sat down on your hand.

“Shit, so sorry.” Vanessa gave a quick kiss to your hand, and you dramatically swooned as you watched Elle Woods be a girlboss.

“Forgiven, honeybuns, for I could never be mad at such an exquisite princess, who’s hair was made from silk that Willy Wonka once commissioned-”

“Shove your Shakespeare-ass monologues up your ass and get a room.”

Blind Al spoke up, and all four of you turned to see her standing behind you, having just come home.

“This is our room, Al,” Wade countered. “We rented it fair and square while you played poker with all the other little old ladies like you.”

“You’re early.” Logan noted, holding onto a bottle as he turned back to the television.

“Wilson’s clients took a car on a joyride and crashed into the club. Drunk on that high, I reckon.”

“Were they driving with the truck nuts?”

“How the fuck would I know, stupid?”

“Ah.” You hung your head in exaggerated shame, before Al grabbed the wall and let it guide her towards her room.

“Your clients?” You asked Wade with a raised eyebrow after she was gone.

“Karen, Kenny and Twinkletoes.” He ‘answered’. “Now, back to our regular scheduled program of Elle Woo-......and the movie’s over.”

Logan snorted, and Wade gasped, turning to face him. “I’ll have you know that it was a sacrifice I made, I tell you! I gave it all up!”

“You’d give anything up for a cornchip,” Logan shot back, but Vanessa gave a loud clap that stopped the conversation. You placed your empty bucket in the sink halfheartedly before turning to your girlfriend.

“Back to bed. We’ve got some behavior to correct.” Vanessa commanded, heading to your shared room.

“Yes, mummy.” Wade answered in his most ‘uwu’ voice, leading you to groan and Logan to shove him lightly as he followed Vanessa.

“A bit too early on the petnames, buddy.”

Wade stuck his tongue at you, and you flipped the bird before following Logan, who was following Vanessa, and Wade then followed you like some fucked up, freakish line of baby ducks crossing the road.

And you would change none of it.

#deadpool x reader #wade wilson x reader #poolverine x reader #wadeloganessa x reader #god i love making new tags #wolverine x reader #james howlett x reader #logan howlett x reader #worst wolverine x reader #vanessa carlysle x reader #simper scribbles

241 notes · View notes