#expected and very deserved for roman but genuinely a little heartbreaking — the ‘i could have got you there’…..

[brookheimer]

“i could have got you there. but.. nope.” okay and i could have not killed myself but nope nope nope too late i am in the ground thanks jesse armstrong

[exhaustedfander]

“Don’t Tell Janus” [Moceit]

This is based on a textpost I saw of drunk Patton telling Janus that he loved him then asking him not to tell Janus. I thought that was such a fun idea so I had to run with it. This gets kinda horny at the end, but there’s no smut. I’d love to hear what you guys think! 

Word count: 3,797

A03 link

Seeing Patton intoxicated was a fairly new development in their friendship. It’s an odd thing to think about, all that’ve changed in the last few months. Janus had been more than a little surprised that Thomas had accepted him, but Patton? The physical embodiment of morality? He’d never been foolish enough to hope for such things.

Janus and Patton’s relationship had been fairly messy for most of their existence. When they were children things were far simpler, but even then, there was opposition. Janus had never gone far enough to claim outright hatred for Patton, not even when he might’ve deserved to do so. It was hard, even when they were so bitter to one another, to claim to hate someone who was usually so kind, so bubbly and full of positivity. There were instances where he’d longed to despise him, but there was always something about Patton that was so likeable and soft, despite what he tried to see.

For years he’d tried, in vain, to win Patton over to his side. Eventually he’d given up, determined to gain some kind of influence in Thomas’s life even if he did so despise by the others. In the end, it took Patton having a frog-related meltdown in order for things to finally sink in. Janus’s importance and everything he represented, as it turned out, was far more nuanced than Patton had ever allowed himself to consider.

Janus hadn’t expected Patton’s acceptance of him, much less his friendship. He had apologized to Janus for all of the hurt he’d caused him just as he’d apologized to Thomas. Janus had tried to rebel against it and not accept it so easily, but he couldn’t help himself. The way that Patton said it, so genuinely, explaining that he felt so awful for all that he’d put him through and that from there on out he wanted to include him more. For the love of God, Patton had hugged him, tucking him into a tight embrace and promising he’d do better by him with tears in his eyes, like he was devastated for the animosity that had festered between them.

And this wasn’t without consequences for the moral side, either. Things between him and Roman had been fractured to say the least, recently. It wasn’t like Roman and Janus were on any better footing; the princely side had been avoiding him like the plague ever since their sharing of rather unkind words. Quite the opposite, Patton had been seeking him out quite a lot.

Chats in the common room between them were beginning to become fairly routine, as strange as that was to admit. Janus was now invited to movie nights and for meals, even to the distain of others. He and Virgil certainly weren’t in the best place and he had been spending even more time with Roman recently to avoid him. Janus couldn’t believe that Patton would be willing to sacrifice so much to spend time with him. It just didn’t make sense.

It wasn’t as though he was complaining. His time spent with Patton was cherished and something he was growing to enjoy more and more as time went on. Janus was growing quite fond of the moral side, maybe more so that he’d like to admit.

He was by no means used to the physical contact that Patton provided him. Embraces were becoming very common, and in all honesty, Janus still wasn’t used to it at all. Being wrapped up in Patton’s arms, feeling far too safe, too warm. It spelled trouble, the way such things made him feel. But who was he to deny Patton a hug or two?

He should’ve. Surely, it would’ve staved off so much heartbreak if he’d been a litter firmer, more distant. If he had been an acquaintance rather than a friend, someone who was of little importance to Patton but played a role in his life nonetheless. For a long time he’d considered Patton a coworker, just as he considered the others to some extent, but things were shifting. He couldn’t call Patton that now; not after everything that had recently occurred.

Physical-contact was one thing but seeing Patton drunk was another entirely. Janus had been fairly surprised to find out that Patton liked to unwind with a glass of wine at the end of the day sometimes just as he did. As it turned out, he didn’t like to drink in front of the others, opting to do so when everyone else had gone to bed.

When Janus asked why, Patton had simply responded, bubbly as ever: “Oh I just get a little silly when I’ve had something to drink is all.” At the time, Janus had assumed that would be the end of it. If Patton didn’t feel comfortable drinking around the others than it was very doubtful he would behave any differently around Janus.

Except on Janus’s search for a late-night cup of tea he found Patton leaning against the kitchen counter, nursing half a glass of wine. He was about to turn on his heel and leave without his beverage before Patton spotted him and grinned wide as ever.

“Jan! C’mer, come talk with me!” Patton invited cheerily, his voice a touch too loud for the time of night. Janus considered leaving. Would keeping Patton company be rude, considering what he’d said? But then again…he’d offered him his company, rather enthusiastically in fact. And the idea of turning Patton down and upsetting him rather than staying for a while was far more unappealing.

“Hello, Patton,” Janus said as he strode into the kitchen and stood beside the moral side.

“Hey – you want some?” Patton said, gesturing to the bottle of wine sitting on the counter. Janus thought about it for a moment, noticing how Patton’s cheeks were already a tough too pink before deciding a little wouldn’t hurt.

“Sure, I suppose a glass would be fine.” Patton smiled at that, grabbing a wine-glass from the cabinet and providing a generous pour before handing it to Janus.

“Thank you,” Janus said, holding the glass to his lip and taking a dainty sip. Janus felt Patton’s eyes on him in a way he couldn’t ever recall them being. He was practically beaming on him, staring not with any kind of distaste but what Janus could only identify as unabashed fondness. The very idea was terrifying.

“So, do you do this often?” Janus asked, hoping the question might get Patton to stop staring at him like that, “Have a late-night drink, that is?” Patton shook his head, the action more forceful than necessary.

“Not too terribly often, no. Just something to take the edge of, y’know?” Patton said, taking a sip long enough to drain the rest of the glass. Janus noticed the way Patton’s hand trembled as he poured himself a second.

Ah, Patton was a lightweight, then. That explained why he didn’t like to have the others watch him while under the influence. To them, he was to some extent a father-figure and one who always wanted to do right by his “kiddos.” Perhaps he thought that being drunk and saying something “silly,” as he’d phrased it, could disrupt that somehow. Why, then, would he allow Janus to be with him now?

“I do,” Janus said, turning the words over in his mind. It was interesting to consider, Patton wanting to take the edge of. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t thought that Patton had just as many problems or stressors as the rest of them, it was just odd to contemplate, the fact that Patton was even telling him.

“And drinking alone helps? It takes the edge off?” Janus didn’t mean to sound cruel. It was just…sad to think about, really. Patton being too embarrassed to relax in front of the others, feeling like he could only do so by himself. Patton shrugged, the deep red liquid nearly sloshing out of his glass.

“I mean…yeah. It’s not always ideal – but that’s why it’s nice having a friend like you around! A drinking buddy!” Janus laughed at Patton’s enthusiasm, as well as at the idea that his presence was making Patton comfortable. That was reassuring, considering how long they’d had a distaste for one-another.

“Well then I’m happy to be of service,” Janus replied, only to find Patton clapping him on the back a touch too hard for his liking, the wine sloshing in his hand.

“Don’t say it like that. you’re not “of service” you’re – we’re friends. You’re my friend, I like having you around. I wish we’d been doing this years ago,” Patton said, sorrow blanked beneath the slight slur of his voice.

“I enjoy your company, too, Pat,” Janus said honestly, maybe too honestly, laughing fondly as he watched Patton set his glass down and hoist himself up so that he could sit on the counter.

“Oh! I see why Virgil likes this, sitting up here. And now I can do this,” Patton said with a giggle, reaching out and pulling Janus into a tight embrace, his legs wrapping around his waist. Janus stiffened, feeling every muscle in his body tense up. Patton was already incredibly affectionate while sober, but this? This was overwhelming, terrifying, even. Janus became hyper-aware of how hard his heart was beating, knowing it would be impossible for Patton to miss it what with him burying his face into his chest.

“Mm, you’re warm, an’ comfy, too. I like hugging you, Janny. Coulda been hugging you so long ago…” Patton had certainly never called Janus “Janny” before.

Patton trailed off, snuggling against him. Janus sighed, wrapping his arms around Patton’s shoulders and returning the embrace, despite the fear that was bubbling up in him. It was greedy, accepting this while Patton’s in such a state. He’d never be this outwardly affectionate if not for the alcohol, certainly not with Janus. Janus could feel the heat radiating off of the moral side as he peeked up from his chest and rested a hand on the left side of his face. Janus shuddered.

“Smooth, they’re smooth,” Patton said with a loopy smile, running his fingers along the scales slowly, “I always wanted to touch em. Can I touch em?”

“You already are, Patton,” Janus pointed out, not that it seemed like Patton was registering it.

“They’re cold, too. It feels so nice. And pretty. Have I ever told you how pretty your scales are, Janny?” Patton could feel the blood draining from his face, uncertain under Patton’s burning gaze.

“Uh – yes. Yes, I think you might’ve mentioned that,” Janus lied lamely, hoping it gets Patton to drop the issue. Patton shook his head.

“Nu-uh, I would have remembered that! Your scales are scalerific! Or something like that…” As it turned out, Patton’s sense of humor didn’t transfer over too well when he was intoxicated. Patton gasped as he lost his grip around Janus, nearly falling forward before Janus caught him and set him on his feet.

“I think it’s best that you go to bed,” Janus advised, taking the glass from Patton and allowing Patton to lean on him, his form noticeably trembling, “We wouldn’t want you to fall down, now would we?” Patton sighed.

"I guess not, but I must say I’m already falling for you,” Patton said, followed by a hiccup, “Gosh my head’s fuzzy…” Janus’s heartrate spiked at the joke, thinking, for a fleeting moment, what if? But such things were dangerous, and he knew that. Patton was drunk, and nothing he has to say should be taken too seriously.

Janus helped Patton down the hallway and into his bed, removing Patton’s shoes and cardigan. He snapped his fingers, placing Patton in a set of pale blue pajamas. It wasn’t anything Janus had ever imagined himself doing, tucking morality into bed, and yet here he was nearly losing his nerve enough to give him a goodnight kiss.

Janus had simply meant to help Patton to his room, but before he knew it he was tucking the blankets over him and placing a glass of water on the nightstand as well as some headache medication for the morning. He was about to get up and leave the room when Patton spoke, voice thick with exhaustion.

“You know, I like Janus. He’s so beautiful…” Janus froze, standing near Patton’s bedside, thankful he’d already shut the lights out.

“What are you –.”

“I love him.” The statement punched the air out of his lungs, nearly leaving him gasping for air. There was such a genuine, lovesick tone to Patton’s voice, as though he’d contemplated the notion of loving Janus for a long time and it was something he believed with the utmost sincerity.

“Don’t tell him, okay?” Janus didn’t know who Patton was convinced he was confiding in, he didn’t want to know. He needed to leave now, he needed to lie under the blankets and pray the memory away.

“Okay, Pat. I won’t.” Janus said breathlessly, walking to the door and shutting it. Janus’s back collided with the door as he slid to the floor, blinking back tears.

=+=

Janus slept very poorly through the night. Even in his fleeting moments of unconsciousness he was haunted by what Patton had said. I love him. he could still feel Patton’s hand against, the strangest mix of burning fire and tenderness he’d ever experienced. He should’ve left the kitchen when he found Patton, he shouldn’t have entertained his company, for God’s sake he shouldn’t have been stupid enough to fall for him.

Janus heard the sound of the others bustling around the kitchen and common room, but he stayed in bed, wondering how missed he would be if he just hid in his room for eternity. Surely if he tried it Remus would barge in and bother him, or Logan would tell him that he was being unproductive and not cooperating, or Virgil would make fun of him for being so useless, or Paton –

He couldn’t think about what Patton might do.

He would stay here until he had the strength to leave and face anyone, to face Patton. That might take a millennium.

There were knocks on his door that went unanswered. Whoever was on the other end didn’t seem to care enough to check on him, which was just fine as far as Janus was considered. This was punishment for the fact that he’d been foolish enough to endear himself to Patton and he was paying a price most severe. For so long now he’d been ignoring the dull ache in his chest whenever Patton was around, but it could go unaddressed no longer. Not when the spark of a flame had become an inferno.

It was not a strict necessity for a side to eat, so Janus went without meals, deciding instead to stew in his misery. He’d been torturing himself in Patton’s presence, he realized somberly. Every brush against him, every embrace, every moment shared together hurt him a little deeper until those three little words drove him to agony.

This pain would eat him from the inside. Janus had wondered occasionally what it might feel like to be in love in the past. He’d never imagined it would be such a detrimental pain and he pitied those who sought it out. He pitied himself.

“Janus?” Patton’s soft voice on the other side of the door startled Janus out of a trance, disgusted to realize he’d been crying. Janus scrubbed at his face, untangling himself from the bedsheets.

“I haven’t seen you at all since…well, I’m worried. Can I come in?” Janus felt his pulse hammering in his ear, praying that Patton would leave him rot.

"No, I’m – I don’t want any company right now, thanks.” He cursed the weakness his voice betrayed. Since when had he been so pitiful?

"Janus, you’re hurting. I know you are, and I want to help, if I can. Please, let me in?” Janus sighed in defeat, knowing Patton’s persistence and damned good heart wouldn’t allow him to leave well enough alone. He’d stay there until Janus let him in, no matter how long that took. Keeping him waiting would only be staving off the inevitable.

Janus trudged to the door, pulling it back to reveal a terribly concerned looking Patton.

“I’m fine, Pat, nothing to concern yourself with,” Janus muttered, wondering how he’d ever been known as Deceit considering how abysmal that lie was.

“No you aren’t,” Patton said, his voice soft and sad, “I can see you’ve been crying…Jan, please, tell me what’s going on? Or don’t, if you don’t want to. I don’t want to pressure you it’s just…I’ve been really worried and trying to give you space but then you didn’t come out of your room for so long and I just…I had to come and check on you.” Janus sighed, walking to his bed and all but collapsing onto it. Patton sighed as he shut the door and sat beside him.

“I’ve done something to upset you, haven’t I?” Patton asked after a moment of bitter silence. Janus exhaled, his eyes landing on the floor.

“It’s not your fault. You don’t need to worry about it.” Patton shook his head, gingerly placing a hand on Janus’s shoulder, reminding him ever too much of how touchy-feely he’d been. “Of course I need to worry. I’m so sorry for whatever I said to you, Janus. I can’t even imagine; that’s exactly why I don’t like to drink in front of anyone. I get so silly. Gosh, I remember I touched your scales…I’m really sorry. I didn’t even ask, I was so rude.” Janus wondered if this would be his demise? Patton’s kindness, his apologetic nature despite the fact he clearly didn’t remember the things he’d said, didn’t mean them.

“It’s fine. As I said, you don’t need to worry about it. I know you didn’t mean it anyway.” And if Janus had ever had an oh shit moment in all his life, this was definitely it. Patton cocked his head, his grip on his shoulder tightening just barely.

“Didn’t mean it? Janus what – what did I tell you?” Janus swatted Patton’s hand away, half-expecting to demand Patton leave his room at any time now. He couldn’t take this kind of love, he hadn’t been built to carry it and at this rate he was bound to break down.

“Patton please, just don’t.”

“Jan, what did I tell you? I can see that you’re hurting. I don’t want to hurt you ever again. Please don’t let me hurt you.”

Janus cursed himself as he felt the tears welling up behind his eyes again, wondering when he’d gotten to be so soft. The others would laugh knowing he’d become so infiltrated with sentimentality and longing; he used to be so much stronger before this love.

“You…” he swallowed, wondering if half of the truth might suffice, “you said my scales were pretty. And you, uh, called me Janny, which you don’t usually do. That’s all.” After an uncomfortable moment of silence Janus dared to meet Patton’s eyes, finding, to his surprise, a great deal of terror flickering in them.

“That isn’t all, though, is it? I told you…didn’t I?” “Told me what?” Janus asked dumbly. He didn’t mean it. He couldn’t mean it…there was just no way.

“Oh my gosh, I did. I thought it had been a dream,” Patton said quickly, his voice pained, “And now I’ve made you uncomfortable. I was so excited we were finally friends, and I’ve gone and ruined it.” Janus’s mind was ringing out with What if’s and Maybe’s, the tiniest bit of hope welling inside of him. Patton seemed so frightened and sad, and despite all that he’d been feeling, it was horrible to see Patton in a similar state.

“Patton…the thing you told me, the thing you asked me to promise not tell, well, myself? Did…did you mean it?” Patton’s eyes finally met his again, glossy and wide.

“With all my heart.” And that, it seemed, was all it took to cut Janus lose from his nerves. He cupped Patton’s face in his hands, the skin warm and faintly pink with a blush.

“Me too,” Janus said finally, smiling wider than he had in what seemed like forever. Their lips connected hesitantly, just a brush before Janus felt Patton relax into the embrace, digging his fingers into his hair and pulling him closer. Janus hummed against Patton’s lips as the moral side depended the kiss, edging on desperate. The pair collapsed onto the bed, a tangle of limbs sharing frenzied, passionate kisses Janus hadn’t even dared to dream about before. Even if he had, this surely would’ve exceeded all expectations.

“I love you, Janny,” Patton said breathlessly as they parted pulling him close, “I really, really love you.”

“I love you too, Pat,” Janus gasped as Patton pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his pulse-point, his mind still reeling, feeling Patton’s hands on him. “I never thought – I mean, considering how things were for so long. Fuck, I’ve got to get you drunk again, I’d love to hear what else you have to say.”

“Language, sweetheart,” Patton scolded, peppering Janus’s neck with kisses that were going to be hard enough to leave a mark if he kept at it. Janus hoped he kept at it.

“You really think they’re pretty? My scales, I mean. Not – not that I care.” Patton giggled, moving so that he was straddling Janus and pushing him down into the mattress.

“Of course I do, cutie,” Patton said, pressing a kiss to the left side of Janus’s face, earning a moan from the deceitful side because, damn, he’d never imagined that would feel as good as it did. He ran his hand along the smooth scales slowly, stopping when he’d reached the collar of his shirt. “How far down your body do your scales go?” Janus arched his back to capture Patton’s lips in a burning kiss.

“Only one way to find out.” Patton grinned more mischievously than he’d ever imagined was possible.

“Oh, that sounds like an exscalent idea,” Patton said, barely giving Janus enough time to register the pun before his hands were on him again and Janus was very much doubting that this love would be his downfall. No, he would embrace this, nature these feelings as much as possible. Janus had never been one in favor of vulnerability but with Patton, he was fairly certain he’d bear every ugly, wretched part of his soul if it meant he could have him.

Janus would always be thankful he’d walked in on Patton in the kitchen, thinking of all he’d be missing out on if he hadn’t.

=+=

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Yesss thank you ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ now I want it written but like,,, too lazy to write it myself and I know you're drowning in prompts

I am drowning in prompts, and other things to write, so I can’t write a full fic.Just the h/c snippet though? I think I can do that...

“Well, I have to do something to be useful, right?” Patton said, voice faux cheery and not in the good way- it sounded forced, and fake, and ugly. “So you’ll have a reason to keep me around!”

All noise in the room died, all eyes focused on Patton, who was looking at the kitchen counter he had been in the middle of scrubbing. They had all been relaxing, enjoying one of the few shared days off the four of them had, Virgil splayed across Roman with his feet in Logan’s lap, all of them on the couch.

The absence of their fourth partner was hard to ignore, Patton bustling around to do laundry and dust and other chores. He had been cleaning down the kitchen when Virgil beseeched him to join them, saying they could clean later, Patton’s worked hard enough, please come cuddle them?

Patton had refused at first, until all of them were asking, wanting to know what was so desperately important about getting this cleaning done now, and his attempts to brush it off all failed until they ended up here.

“Patton,” Logan said slowly, clearly, calmingly, clearly trying to keep a hold of a situation that had rapidly escalated into one none of them were expecting, “why would we, as you put it, need a ‘reason to keep you around?’“

Patton laughed nervously, still watching the counter, one hand grasping the edge of it and the other tapping an irregular pattern out on it. “Why, you guys are all just so great! And you contribute so much to our happy little household- like Roman’s singing to fill the rooms, and Logan’s sticky notes of random facts that cover whichever wall he was nearest too when he learned it, and Virgil’s little spider stickers he places everywhere for fun! I just... just want to contribute something too!”

“You already contribute more than enough, sunshine.” Roman said, worriedly. “You don’t need to do all the work while we’re lazing.”

“I don’t though.” Paton said, glancing briefly up at them, but even in the quick look he gave them before going back to studying the countertop they could all see their were tears in his eyes. “I- you’re all so wonderful, and-and I know I’m lucky to be with you, and I know that eventually you’ll leave- and that’s alright because you deserve better, you really do, all of you deserve so much better, but I just thought that... that if I could be helpful, and u-useful, you’d stick around longer, and isn’t that ugly and selfi-ish of me, but I just- I just-”

Patton’s grip on the counter tightened until his knuckles were turning white, as if all his weight and balance was focused on this one thing, as if he would fall if he let go, as he finished, “I just... I know you’ll be de-light-ed when it’s all over, and I don’t blame you for it, but I’m just so afraid of being left alone... of being left lampless.”

That’s what really broke boyfriends; their happy-pappy Patton, looking as if he might fall over, tears silently streaming down his face as he weakly tried to hide them, cracking puns about them breaking up with him; cracking puns like it was inevitable, like the only reason they were dating him was for some human chore machine and nothing else.

Patton was so caught up in his own world, his world of abandonment and inevitable heartbreak, that he didn’t notice Logan, Virgil, and Roman get up and come over until there were three sets of very familiar arms wrapping around him from every angle. For a brief moment, he tried to struggle, tried to pull away, but there was no where to go and he was too tired to escape them.

So instead he slumped against them, still sobbing, trying to offer a dozen apologies and having all of them gently shut down and shushed as they shuffled back over to the couch, settling down so that Patton’s face was against Roman’s neck, staining the fabric of his shirt with tears as Roman gently rubbed his back. Virgil was hugging him from behind, nuzzling his own head into the side of Patton’s neck comfortingly while Logan combed his fingers soothingly through his hair, occasionally wandering down to try and massage the tension out of Patton’s neck as well.

It took a few minutes, but eventually Patton calmed down, sobs turning into occasional snotty hiccups. He pulled his head away from Roman’s shoulder, and the group rearranged so that Patton’s back was against Roman, Roman’s arms still wrapped around Patton, Virgil and Logan sitting in front of them. Patton was focused on fidgeting his thumbs in his laps, refusing to look at any of them.

“Patton, love, will you please look at me?” Logan asked softly. When Patton didn’t move his gaze from contemplating his thumbs, Logan sighed and reached forward, gently tipping up Patton’s chin so that Patton would look at him. “Why didn’t you tell us how you felt?”

Patton gave a weak half-shrug in response. “’Didn’t want you to leave...” He mumbled. “After all, why would you... why would you want to keep around some useless sad sack?”

Roman made a pained noise in the back of his throat, causing Patton to wince and try to wiggle out of his hold. Roman’s grip around Patton only tightened, however, as he said vehemently, “Dearheart, you are not a useless sad sack.”

“But-”

“No buts.” Roman stopped him immediately, leaning his head so that he could press a little kiss to Patton’s temple. “You are one of the most magnificently beautiful creatures I have ever had the honor of knowing, so often bright and alive even in the face of the fiercest opponents. You cook the most scrumptious of meals where we would burn water, and you fill this house with the truly cheery air needed to make it home. None of that says ‘useless sad sack.’“

Patton giggled a little at that, gaining smiles from all of his boyfriends. “Do you... do you really mean that?”

“Of course he means it.” Virgil answered for Roman, placing a hand on Patton’s knee. It was a little awkward, but he pressed gently down, trying to offer Patton a comforting pressure, like Patton had done many times before to help Virgil when he started to spiral. “We love you, Pat, and you’re, like, our best member. Your the only one who can pass for a semi-responsible adult.” Logan sniffed in insult and Virgil patted his shoulder without taking his eyes off of Patton. “Your last social interaction ended with you telling a middle-aged woman to, I quote, ‘consider going back to elementary school to learn basic manners.’“

“She was being incredibly rude.”

“Adults I internalize that.” Virgil said. Logan rolled his eyes but he didn’t seem too annoyed by any of it, and there was a flash of amusement in his expression when he saw Patton smiling at their antics.

“As I was saying, Pat, you’re the only adult-ish gay here.” Virgil continued. “You are by far the most useful member of this relationship.”

“And even if you weren’t, it wouldn’t matter.” Logan added, taking one of Patton’s hands in his so he rub circles into the back of it. “As Roman and Virgil have expressed, Patton, we care incredibly deeply for you. The advantages you can offer us are irrelevant.

“The only requirement to being a good boyfriend is loving us back, and being a good cuddler.” Roman concluded. “And I can personally attest to the truth in both of these statements.”

Virgil lazily raised a hand. “Same here.”

“I concur.”

Patton smiled, genuinely, at their shared support. “Thanks guys.” He said, looking a little sheepish. “I feel a little silly now, actually...”

“There is no need for that, my dearest heart!” Roman assured him. “It is no fault of yours that we did not realize we were not properly wooing you!”

Logan nodded seriously. “Was an error that falls entirely upon us.” Logan said, a small smile creeping onto his face. “Please, darling Patton, there must be some way we can make it up to you.”

“No, guys, you don’t have to do anything-”

“I think sad boyfriend and misunderstandings call for several hours of cuddling on the couch while ignoring the movies playing in the background.” Virgil spoke up, interrupting Patton. Roman and Logan nodded in instant agreement.

“I’ll line out the movies.” Logan said, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Patton’s hand before regretfully letting it go and settling down beside the Blu-ray player.

“I’ll get blankets and snacks.” Virgil said as well, patting Patton’s knee before he also headed off- in the direction of the kitchen and hall closet.

Patton’s hands fumbled to wear Roman’s were still secured around his waist. “I should go help them.” He said as he tried to tug at the fingers holding him captive.

Roman only tightened his grip in response, however, flopping back on the couch for added emphasis. “nope.” He said resolutely. “You’ve been working too much. You’re sentenced to only cuddling for at least five movies.”

Patton attempted to fight for only a moment more, quickly resigning himself to his fate. Soon enough Virgil and Logan returned, some movie or another starting up while Virgil skillfully bundled them all up in enough blankets to assure none of them would be moving for many, many hours

Leaning more fully on Roman’s chest with a sigh, his other boyfriends pressed up close to him, Patton didn’t mind that at all.

[olympiansrpg1-blog]

Congratulations, Harper! You have been accepted as Atlas (FC: Ricky Whittle). Richard shows a lot of intensity and promise, things that we were looking for in our skeleton of Atlas. Please be sure to message the main within 24 hours of acceptances with your account, read over the checklist, follow everyone on the masterlist, and track all tags. Congratulations, once again, and welcome to Olympians!

*Below is a sample application, please bear in mind that this does not reflect everything that is expected in an application as I went into full detail of my character.

OOC information

Name/alias: Harper

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 21

Time zone: GMT+10

Triggers: Extreme gore

IC information

Skeleton wanted: Atlas

Faceclaim wanted: Ricky Whittle, Brett Dalton, Godfrey Gao, Ryan Guzman, DJ Cotrona

Character’s full name: Richard Regulus Johnson

Richard: Means "brave power", derived from the Germanic elements ric "power, rule" and hard "brave, hardy". The Normans introduced this name to Britain, and it has been very common there since that time. It was borne by three kings of England including Richard I the Lionheart, one of the leaders of the Third Crusade in the 12th century.

Regulus: Roman cognomen meaning "prince, little king", a diminutive of Latin rex "king". This was the cognomen of several 3rd-century BC consuls from the gens Atilia. It was also the name of several early saints. A star in the constellation Leo bears this name as well.

Age/Birthday: 29/August 12th

Character biography OR para sample:

You have always been a king, this is a legacy that you have always known, the blood of royals running through your veins as your father let the heavy weight of the crown turn him into something cruel and marred by years of complacency.

It all started when you were a child, little legs running around the streets of New York City with not a single care in the world. You had always had the men and women with dark suits surrounding you at all times, so much so that they had faded into the background of your life. Your father wanted to always assure that his little prince would be protected, that there was nothing to fear in this life so long as you were safe. And for some reason, you always believed him. His words were like honey, sweet and filled with liquid gold. Your earliest recollection is sitting in his lap as a child, bouncing on one knee as he promised you that you would hold the weight of the world on your shoulders one day like he did. New York City was your birthright, Olympus was yours to claim whenever he would become too old to manage it.

“Richie, all of this will be yours, I promise you.”

The words echoed in your ears at night, satin sheets comforting you in the night as you slept on peacefully, assured that nothing in this life would be amiss. It was until halfway through your seventh year that life would hit you harder than it ever had before. You can still remember the way your mother clutched your hand, a firm and tight hold as tears ran down your cherubic cheeks. You can remember your father kneeling down on his knees to apologize to you, something in his tone telling you that he was both relieved that you and your mother were leaving but mournful of it as well. That was why you never once regretted moving to Germany with her, that was why your tears stopped spilling over the moment you both climbed into that town car with all of your belongings packed up into a suitcase. It was a dawn of a new era, young as you were, you knew that you had to become something that your father would be proud of one day as he was no longer here to watch you grow.

Moving to a new country was far harder than your pre-teen mind could have imagined, getting acclimated to a new environment when all you’ve ever known was a metropolitan city where everyone spoke English and you practiced safety in numbers with employees of your father. Your mother, however, always remained resilient through it all, every wayward spill and every heartbreak, she was there to save you from it all. You were just a mere child, unsure of what the rest of the world could do to you, but it was only when you grew to a teenager did you understand the toll that you were taking on your own mother. Where you could not understand the distant look in her eyes when your father called when you were younger, you knew now that it was because of the distinct female voices that you could clearly hear on the other side of the line. Where you did not understand why you had to leave, you once began to realize the veiled truth behind it all when your father would visit for only days at a time, making excuses that he had a business to run before jetting off once more.

The more and more you grew into Germany, the same Germany grew into you. This was home, you could hardly remember the urban jungle that was New York until you were reminded that a legacy was still a legacy and it was your rightful place in the throne when you were ready to claim it. You often heard whispers, tiny inklings of the things that were happening as you would often open news articles of strange misgivings that took place there. You heard tales of the Greek who ran the city, running it amuck and controlling it with fear and power, a thorn in your side as you heard of the mere existence of Zeus and Hades, two deities that represented so much in mythology as well as being known as Cronus’ sons in them as well. The title should have been yours. After all, you were the one true child of Cronus and it was your duty to lift up the world that he had built for you, you would remind them all that it was for you. Anger was not an emotion that you often greeted with open arms, quite the opposite, really. Determination was ever present in the forefront of your mind, coaxing itself to prove your worth more and more with each passing day. It was the only way that you could show that you deserved it far more than they did, the two looming figures that were ever present in Cronus’ life where you were absent. Every time he visited, you were sure to show him just how far you had come since the last time, proving that there was far much more to you than just being his son.

It was when you graduated that you knew that you had to prepare yourself. After all, your father had promised you a kingdom, but what would a kingdom be without loyal subjects? You had no doubt that he had his own who had done his bidding for an entire lifetime, but you did not know them nor did you trust them in the same manner that he did. So, you began collecting and analyzing, only the best of the best allowed to serve as you promised them a life much more than the ones they lived now and family to always return home to. Just because yours was splintered did not mean that you could not make another one, this one stronger and with a bond better than one simply rooted by a child. You were becoming a king in your own right, growing up from the little prince your father once called you and your mother was the high priestess who you would turn to for decisions that you were not sure you could not make alone. Gone were the large eyes of curiosity that only a child could hold, gone was the innocence that your father often mistook for weakness in you, gone were the dreams of a conflictless world where you reigned supreme. It was all replaced by strong shoulders, a devious look in your eyes, and a smile that could light up the world but hands that could strike out the moment something went amiss. You became a weapon, your own body purely made for the fight, but you had others who could fight for you first before you could even raise a finger. You only looked for the genuine, the loyal, garnered and gained their trust in the most intimate way you possibly could.

It was only when you heard about the passing of Eurydice did you dare to reach out to a member of the Olympians, offering your condolences to the one who called themselves Orpheus a mere few months after the “accident”. It was easy to sway them, to pluck them from the ranks of your father’s officers and coerce them to offer up the details of the incident as well as the aftermath along with everything that came along with the gang. It did not take very long or much thought for you to open your arms up to Orpheus, knowing full well what it was like to have been left behind by someone that you thought cared for you. You did not do it out of jealousy, no, you did it because despite all the claims you make, you still have a kind heart for the wayward souls that floated through life without any semblance of a family. The strong would only be weak without a foundation, it was your duty to give that to them as well as a shelter to run to when the storm grew too strong for one person. Right before your very eyes, you all became a cohesive unit, a family that you could be just as proud of as the one you left behind, if not more. Your legacy was finally beginning to come together.

Or so you thought. When you heard the news of your father’s untimely demise, it was like a lightning bolt through your spine. You could feel death’s cold clutches coming for you too, how fitting for Zeus and Hades to have claimed the defunct family that was now Olympus as their own. You laughed at the cruelty of life, your father having left you nothing as though he had forgotten about you. Something cruel began to sprout from the ground that which you stood, balled fists at your sides as you saw your life’s purpose crash down before you. The weak would have given up, but no, you were Atlas. You were Richard Johnson, son of the once great Harvey and it was only right that you take back what was rightfully yours. They say heavy is the head that wears the crown, but not if they had been born with it pressed upon their heads... And you’ve always known  it was meant for you.

So you watched, in the shadows, allowed the prey to believe that they were predators and take each other out while you waited for a proper time to rise. You sent others out in your steed to gather information as you planned with them all, mechanically took out those who were weak in mind, but strong in body to them all. It was easy for the Olympians to become just as complacent as your father had been, never expecting those to infiltrate from the outside and wreak havoc on a place that was never theirs to begin with. You could only watch them with a laugh, lighting their world ablaze as you brought your own into New York City. They say Atlas carries the world on his shoulders: a heavy burden to bear in the face of what the world is now, but what would his purpose be without it?

You are coming for the throne and you will never lose sight of it ever again, such has always been your birthright.

Character Development:

I’d certainly love to have Richard make some really questionable decisions, letting his want for revenge truly affect him, so much so that the Titans would band together and try to urge someone into talking to him about it.

Although I’d love for Atlas to come out on top, I do think he needs a bit of a reality check. Running a mob in New York City isn’t the easiest thing in the world, especially when he only trusts a certain amount of people. Every gang needs its lackeys and you could have to be able to recruit in order to get some, something that he isn’t entirely familiar with.

Even if he wasn’t close to his father, I would still also like to have him grieve for Cronus for a little bit, especially if/when he finds out that Hera is responsible for his untimely death and it wasn’t simply a case of passing away due to age and stress.

I would also, maybe, like for the international arms dealing to eventually make its way into Tartarus, rather than just gambling. Even though Rhea is handling things in Germany for him, this is a new territory and Richard would rather have connections to things around him than those that are thousands of miles away and too far to help immediately.

Maybe an actual rational conversation between him and Zeus/Hades, where they can actually all acknowledge the fact that they’re all a little bit responsible for the fall of Olympus and maybe realizing that they all need each other to survive. This, of course, is probably far into the future.

Other:

-- Harvey was the one who put a gun in Richard’s hand as a child, urging him to learn how to shoot before he could even learn how to ride a bike. However, it was Rhea who was the one who taught him how to shoot with accuracy. She was the one who taught him where it would hurt most to shoot a man without killing them and where it would simply be a clean through and through and where the vital organs were. Like most things in his life, it seems as though Cronus would start them and Rhea would finish and forge them into an ability and so much more.

-- Prior to Orpheus’ visit to Germany, Richard was in the process of rooting a crime syndicate in the heart of Berlin, eventually planning on taking Olympus international in his time as the boss as he thought he would automatically assume the throne. With the announcement of Harvey’s death, he has left the up and rising weapons dealing venture to the capable hands of someone he trusts while he attempts claim Olympus.

-- While cruel to others, there is no one he loves more than the Titans he’s surrounded himself with. While they have strength in number, for him, that is also where they are weakest. There is nothing he wouldn’t do in order to help them in their times of need, even going on a suicide mission just to rescue them from someone else’s clutches and there is no one he trusts more to have his back when he needs them. The basis of their relationships is all founded on a mutual trust that he knows cannot be broken just by pure torture or manipulation.

-- (TW: Abuse) During his attendance at the University of Mannheim, Richard came across a puppy that had clearly not been taken care of by its owner. With matted black fur, multiple scabs, and a limp, it was only logical to him that he took the dog and nursed it back to health in the confines of his own apartment. Since then, he has found a lifelong companion in Hyas, named after the archer son of Atlas who hunted monsters. He has not left his side since that fateful night and Richard has never once thought about leaving him behind.

-- Richie holds a certain fascination for the night sky, constellations glittering as though they were alive, framed by the light of the moon. He is able to recite all the constellations by heart, a spark in his eyes as he talks about their origin stories as well. There is nothing more that he enjoys than to lay in the grass and stare up at the sky when he has the time to do so. Unfortunately, with his arrival in New York, not only is he not able to look at all the stars with the pollution in the air, but he does not have the time either.

-- (TW: Torture) Ruthless as he is, Richard is known to occasionally make an appearance during interrogations, not wanting to put Hyperion solely in charge of such an important matter despite the fact that he knows that they are the best of the best. After all, he wants to be able to have his fun with people that have crossed him as well as those who seated themselves at the feet of those who have wronged him. Though his method is not brutal, it is more emotional and mental and he often enjoys driving them crazy from simple things like loud, noisy music being played over and over on a sound system for hours and dragging a subject into freezing cold water until they crack under the pressure.

-- After the dissolution of Rhea and Cronus’ relationship, something inside of Richie changed. Though young and not quite understanding the truth of what had happened, he vowed to himself that he would never put love before his business. Though he’s had a few flings in the past, they have never been serious as he has not allowed them to be. Love is mostly an idea to him, something that is, above all, a distraction when it comes to his goals in life. While this may be true, that does not mean he does not know how to be charismatic. In fact, it’s rather the opposite. He uses his looks to his advantage, twisting his good looks whenever he can to get what he wants outside of those he considers family.

-- Though he considers manipulation one of his favorite methods, Richard is a big believer in assuring that things are done the right way by doing them himself. He is not about delegating jobs out to others to take care of, but taking part in them and putting himself in the line of fire as he is a man of action as well as showing face so others realize that he is not afraid to give his life for those he considers close. He knows that Zeus and Hades’ ultimate downfall is that they do not know their people and their people ultimately do not trust them in the same manner that his team does with him.

-- Richard’s earliest memory is one of Cronus and Rhea strolling in Central Park with him clinging onto both of their arms, his father endearingly calling him “little king” as they swung him back and forth. He can still remember the look of joy on Rhea’s face and the laughter that left his own lips as they formed one united front. It is, by far, one of his dearest memories and one he holds close to him. Though he knows he can never get that back, especially with Harvey’s demise, he hopes that his mother can one day find the same happiness with another.

 (x) (x) (x)

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x10 recap

(Aka the one where Patterson suffers more than she ever deserves to, and the team begrudgingly adopts Roman)

So, here I am, back by... well, vague demand... to provide you guys with another overly long and rambly recap. It seems that, regardless of what this show does, I will inevitably have a lot of thoughts and opinions about it-- and surprisingly there's some of you who are actually willing to suffer through reading them haha.

So I hope everyone had a nice hiatus/holiday period, and here goes. 

Okay. Shit. I have to say that this show totally got me here with the whole Borden vs Patterson pistol duel. I was convinced that Borden would be the one who was shot, because who the hell would dare harm our precious Patterson?? The writers, apparently. (Sadists, the lot of them). Also to Borden's credit, he does sound genuinely horrified when he realises he’s shot her, and I do really still believe that he truly cared about her. But sigh, way to sink my ship, show. And then ugh my lil baby slumping against the wall and being all “don’t touch me!” and ugh this is the worsstttt

Ok where did Jane spring this fancy-ass car from? Isn't the usual method to go for something old and nondescript that can be hot-wired, rather than something that probably has like inbuilt GPS or something? But ugh anyway poor Roman looks like a freaking mess. But come on, Jane, bringing him in on your own is a terrible idea. The moment he wakes he'll be like a frightened and cornered animal and just lash out. Aaaaand yep, there he goes, with the head-smashing and the almost-shooting. And then he literally goes, tossing himself out of the car. That was kinda cool, tbh. But sigh, Jane honey, mistrust is practically a part of his DNA, of course he's gonna flip out rn. I feel so sad for her though, she's literally always just trying to help and yet only ends up getting beaten and battered because of it (either physically or emotionally) and then abandoned. Ughhhhhh. 

Naw Readey baby. I'm so glad you're okay. And apparently enjoying the morphine buzz lol. And aww Zapata has been there watching over him and ugh this friendship is everything

Interesting that when Nas recaps the mission and the explosion to Weller, she doesn't mention that Reade suggested aborting when they lost a cell signal and she was the one decided to press on. Honestly rn I can't tell if her guilt over the dead agents is genuine or she's more upset that Shepherd both outsmarted her and got away. But of course Weller reassures her, because he supports his team no matter what. I just wish he hadn't placed his loyalty in her. Also I know Archie is a fantastic actress but I literally cannot stand the slow, pausing, breathy way she makes Nas speak. It just sounds so stilted and makes it difficult to actually focus on the scene. But I'm sure gonna try and focus because Weller has finally pulled his head out of his butt and is actually making protecting Jane a priority. (Hallelujah). Then he tells Nas they need to find her and she's all "I'm not hopeful"-- and yeah, I bet you're not, lady. You're probably hoping Jane DID die, so there's no one around to stop you manipulating Weller. But ugh the tears in Weller's voice... finally, boy, you're realising just how much you cannot lose Jane. And just bc I’m feeling magnanimous, here's a hint for that thick skull-- it's because you LOVE her, you idiot. Gawd. Anyway, Zapata is once again being cast in to the role of Team Anti-Jane, which is kinda freaking repetitive and annoying, but hey, the writers need to put other characters in opposition to Jane just to make Weller's support of her stand out all the stronger, making us ~love how he fights for her~ so we forget all the times this season he was a complete ass towards her. Like don't get me wrong, I love Jeller, and I actually also look forward to the moment that Zapata and Jane come through this with an even stronger friendship, because that's undoubtedly (or at least hopefully) what this is eventually leading to. But sigh, even though I can somewhat justify Zapata's behaviour as a result of her fear and trauma over the explosion and Reade's injury, I just wish her attitude towards Jane could be a little more nuanced and complex than the current GRRRR JANE'S THE VILLAIN HERE GRRRRR. And Nas doesn't bloody help by planting the suggestion that if Jane returns, it could just be to continue spying on them. Thanks, devil-lady. Next time I'll ask if I want your input. But aaaaaaaanyway, I'm gonna move on from that and instead cry a lil bit over "Jane was-- Jane is loyal." Oh, son. Took you long enough, you giant idiot. She just had to almost die for you to get there. And then ugh next thing we know Jane's being dragged into the bullpen and ughhhhhh "Please I just need to see if they're okay" aND UGH SHE LOVES THIS TEAM SO MUCH IT HURTS ME, she loves them even despite how poorly they've treated her lately (yes, they had ~some~ reasons, but seriously). And then ughhhhh Weller is charging over there like an enraged bull and I love that for a moment Jane doesn't know if he's angry at the guards or her but then he demands the cuffs to be taken off her and ughhhh she has a second of relief before she's apologizing over and over and desperately telling him that she didn't know-- bc lbr, from her past experience she would totally expect to be blamed for this, and she's not wrong (lookin' at you, Zapata and Nas). And then Weller PULLS HER IN FOR A HUG and she's all ??????? because whaaaat? Affection and reassurance?? What are these strange things?? But ugh the way her eyes close and she sinks into him for a second ughhhh I JUST WANT JANE TO FEEL SAFE AND LOVED AT ALL TIMES PLEASE. THIS IS ALL I WANT. But lol he tells her that they understand and there's a little camera cut to both Nas and Zapata who are very dubious as to whether they do understand and sigh I can practically read the rest of the season's theme in just this few seconds of footage. But anyway then ugh there’s Jane's distress when she sees that not all the team is there-- the terror that they might have been hurt and just ughhhhhhhhhh. Also thanks for that totally wooden-sounding line about Reade's surgery, Zapata. I’ve decided I'm going to  interpret the stiltedness of Audrey's normally flawless delivery as her not approving of her own character's attitude lol. But anyway Jane drops the Borden bombshell (naww, she says "he doesn't work for us", because she's on their side and always has been and ughhhhh) but anyway everyone has a collective "oh shit" moment as they realise Patterson and Borden are both AWOL. And then Jane brings up Roman and then has to explain what happened to her (that's right, guys, Shepherd planned to make her watch you die because she knew that YOU ARE ALL* (*minus Nas) JANE'S FAMILY AND LOSING YOU WOULD DESTROY HER. CAPICHE???  Ugh. But ugh Jane tells them everything Roman saving her and then about zipping him etc. And sighhh Zapata's got her angry pants and Jane-glare on yet again, but again I'm going to put it down to fear for her friend's life because that's the only way I can justify it without getting annoyed by it lol

Aaaaaahhhhh my baby Patterson. Waking up with your wound apparently fixed by the very man who shot you. Interesting that it seems (from the DWB thing) that he was officially trained in general practice/family medicine, and yet can also apparently do the job of a psychiatrist, AND perform surgery. Amazing. Such skills. Also okay I have to say some things bc I have such an issue with this bullet wound. Like people always seem to get shot in the abdomen in movies and shows (even like Jane did at the start of the season), and it's always all "oh it's okay, the bullet missed vital organs" but like uhhhmmm you know what fills up like the entire abdomen?? Bowel. You know what has a ton of blood supply that bleeds like mad, and also contains bacteria that can easily kill you if it gets into your bloodstream? Bowel. Ugh. And don't even get me started on how unsterile this whole environment is. But aaaanyway, it's tv and therefore she's totally fine and dandy rn, even magically managing to pull the IV from her arm with zero bleeding and disconnect the other end from the bag without it immediately gushing all over the floor. Maaaagic. Still, the fact that she's planning on strangling Borden with an IV line is pretty badass haha. Tbh the tubing would probably snap, but whatever. And then aaaaaaahhhh Shepherd is there and Borden tries to bargain for Patterson's life, even though all it achieves is torture rather than death. Welll.... you tried?

Meanwhile the team's still searching for Roman, and Weller comes into the lab where Zapata and Jane are already running a search, standing on opposite sides of the table. Mmm, symbolic. I wonder if they spoke at all?? Did Jane try yet again to explain herself, to beg forgiveness even though her crimes are long since paid for and now she has nothing at all she needs to be forgiven for? Sigh. But anyway, Zapata used her hacky skills to use Patterson's system to track Roman's phone. And finally he answers and is all ??!!!?????!, which is fair, and ugh my little crazy puppy is more like a little lost puppy at the moment. I kinda wish Jane had told him his name was Ian rather than Roman, tbh. But ah well. Then Roman gives very vague directions for where he is (seriously, man, you could be a lot more specific) and ugh he's just such a mess rn. He's actually literally like a puppy, and can’t concentrate on anything but the most basic of needs and sensations. Naw my baby

Ughhhh poor baby Patterson, suffering though both physical pain and emotional heartbreak. I had such high hopes for you two. And then ugh "everything I did was for my late wife" and lol Patterson and I have the exact same reaction: "just what every girl wants to hear" lol. Ugh, my poor baby. Borden truly seems a little unhinged rn, which is so sad. I miss my beautiful sweet cinammon roll of a man. I miss the Borden from our fics, the sweetheart who is as loyal to the team as any of them, who uses his training to help them and his empathy to support them. That Borden is long gone, now. But omg Patterson "Oh I'm sorry. Your side sounds really cool, so you should just go ahead and untie me, because I'm converted" lolll.  That’s my lil sassmaster. And then in the other room Shepherd’s finding out that Roman's been zipped and wow this show is really enjoying these dramatic sharp-closeup camera shots rn lol

Ugh Roman's exchange with the little girl. Slightly disturbing with the whole fork thing (though lbr I'm not a huge fan of kids messing with my stuff either lol) but kind of sweet in a sad way when he asks if he knows her. He's searching for any connection and is so saaaaad. And then all the 'hunters' (haha, get it? Coz they’re hunting him?) come in and wow that's a lot of practically identical looking dudes haha. It's like a camo print and baseball cap convention in here. And he gets the lady and the kid out but there are other customers in this place, what about them? You can see them in the background briefly but there’s never any screaming from terrified bystanders when the shooting starts lol. But ah well, mere details. Thankfully Jeller arrive in time to be part of the shootout, which ends when Roman stabs the guy who's shooting at them in the neck. Which is a lil vicious, maybe, but let's not forget Jane nearly choked a guy to death on her first day out of the bag. These two seriously have both survival instincts and protective instincts up the wazoo. Granted, him more on the former and her more on the latter, but still. 

Ugh and now Roman's cuffed in the interrogation room and Jane is upset about it and Zapata's like "Reade's injured bc of him" which is not entirely unreasonable since Roman WAS the one that got all the explosives and helped set up the trap, so....  but then Nas, in her usual manipulative way, supports Jane-- bc while she agrees Roman is ‘the enemy’, she still wants to use him and she knows a gentle approach is the best way to do that. Wow, snake-lady, Weller sure picked a winner for his rebound. Well done, my idiot son, I’m surprised she hasn’t bitten your head off during sex yet. But anyway speaking of idiots, now they're all telling Jane she has to lie to Roman about zipping him, because even though they vilified her for lying to them (when she did it to try to PROTECT them), they're suddenly fine and dandy with lying when it serves their own purpose. And yes, I can understand their perspective-- Roman might be their only way to save Patterson. But Jane lying to him now is eventually going to destroy anything she builds with him in the future. And my, my, doesn't this all sound familiar?? Then she goes in there and ugh my poor lil puppy is still so lost. And she promises that the team can help him like they helped her and tbh part of me is kinda dubious about that, especially the whole "they helped make me feel full again", given how they've treated her this season...  but at the same time it is also kinda true bc in S1 they gave her a purpose and a 'family', and at least in S2 so far she has still had the purpose part. Plus, she says 'helped', indicating that they weren't solely responsible for making her feel full again. I think a lot of that she did herself, just with assistance from Weller and the team and a little from Oscar and Roman and Oliver and basically anyone that she connected with even briefly. But still, the fact that she lies to someone she loves because the team made her is upsetting to me...

Speaking of upsetting, Shepherd's getting her torture on. Although honestly, as far as torture goes, this is pretty weak. All talk and no action, really. Like yes, a perforated eardrum hurts. But like Shepherd herself says, it does heal. Which was obviously what the writers were aiming for, because it's Patterson, and you can't permanently injure her or disfigure her since she's a series regular. But dude this torture is actually kind of embarrassing. People can perforate their eardrums just from cleaning their ears. Such a minor injury is hardly effective torture. And reinserting the needle in the same ear, trying to get her to suddenly break and talk? Completely pointless. If she was serious about torturing Patterson, she'd take an eye. Or smash her fingers, like she vaguely threatens to do but doesn’t ever get close to doing. Or if she wanted to keep her hands intact (ie, she wanted to use Patterson for her skills later) she could rip off fingernails or toenails. Cut off toes. Slice a bunch of cuts into her body. Break her legs. Poke her in her wound. There are literally so many ways to inflict pain on someone, and the fact that Shepherd supposedly chose this one only is just too ludicrous for me to believe. I mean c’mon, writers. As much as I would have hated seeing Patterson hurt, YOU chose to put her in that position, so you at least do it right...

Awwwww Roman's in the magic lie detector machine and he looks so sad and worried and Jane's there watching over him and ughhhh he just wants to help her and have her approval and ughhh my puppyyyy. Then Nas just ups and leaves partway through and Jane chases after her but Nas just shuts her down, then basically outright says that it's Jane's fault that they can't find Patterson. At least Weller hears that and very obviously dismisses Nas before reassuring Jane, clearly seeing how much she blames herself. And okay it's out of frame but from the way his body moves he definitely seems to put his hand on her upper arm and ugh FINALLY, BOY. FINALLY SUPPORTING HER IN THE WAY SHE DESERVES. And then as he walks off, Jane's left there all overwhelmed bc of guilt/worry over Patterson, the anger from the others, Kurt suddenly being on her side again (she's forgotten what that felt like, I bet), and also the fact that she now lied to Roman for no reason, since he wasn't able to help them find Patterson anyway. Sigh. I wish she had just gone back to the room and told him the truth right then, explained as best she could and apologised. Maybe it would have worked. 

Interesting that Weller sent Nas off like a good minute before he headed to the lab, but they both walked in at the same time. Did they have a conversation outside? Did she linger around the corner and listen in on  what he said to Jane? Or idk whatever lol, it’s tv. And so now we find out that Sandstorm has communicated in some kind of code that they need to crack, and one second Nas is all "oh shucks this is very complicated it might take weeks" and then the next she's suddenly like "wait look at that random book in this miraculously appearing photo, that could be the key to a book cypher!" Like wow, writers. You really didn't put much work into that one, did you? Like I understand there are time constraints involved with an episode but seriously that was just embarrassingly convenient. And then the ridiculous way Nas was all "okay so if we convert this and do that, it just might-- oh it worked!" Oh geez. C’mon. Give us a little credit here. On a brighter note, props to the other Laura (gypsyscarfwoman) who I believe noticed the book a few eps ago and commented on its possible significance given that it's the history of Rome and there's been strong Roman themes (hehe) in this season.      

Oh look who it is, Mr Director Man, my initial fave choice for the mole. Still disappointed about that, though lbr he's still being shady enough that he could still be up to something. Also wow is it midlife crisis time or something bc his haircut looks like that of a teenage boy who’s trying to get in with the 'in crowd' lol. But then he basically tells Nas to piss off and I instantly take back anything bad I ever said about him. Forgive me, Pelly. Your hair looks great and your suit is the most dapper of all. You are the bestest and I thank you for freeing me of Nas She-Demon Kamal and also for rightly ascribing (at least partial) blame to her for the deaths of those agents in the explosion. Now, if only Weller would shut up and stop trying to get her to stay, that would be great. Gotta say, it's really not fun to see him trying to protect her, bc it kinda lessens all the times he did the same for Jane. But whatevvvs, I'm terrific at only seeing what I want to see, so consider the Weller parts of this scene zipped from my memory lol

Great, we're back at the useless torture, and clearly Patterson is as impatient with it as I am lol. And daaaamn she's dropping some truth bombs about the lack of loyalty amongst Shepherd’s followers haha. But seriously if Shepherd lets THAT get to her, she's not the terrifying warlord she was made out to be lol

So they've cracked the code, brought in the chick that owns the garage at the listed location, and now they're making a whole lot of impossible threats (Gitmo? Really Tasha?) before she admits she provided a getaway car to Borden. A car that was fortunately VERY distinctive and able to be picked up on traffic cams. So handy.

Lol Shepherd is still in the midst of a tantrum and decides that Patterson has to die. Well, that was several hours wasted for nothing then haha. Borden convinces her to let him kill her, and I'm stunned to see that he's actually about to go ahead with it. Also shaking my head at the fact that the tourniquet is improperly positioned and not tight enough (though it appears to be wrapped around a fake bit of arm so whatever), and the fact that he inserts the wrong type of needle that shouldn't already be attached to a tube, plus he does it without palpating the vein, and seems to think he needs a whole bag of saline to prove that the vein is patent rather than just a quick 5ml flush. Sigh. But anyhow while he’s farting around, Patterson is doing such a good job of talking him out of it, and he admits that part of him loves her (*wails*). And then when he hears the team’s car he holds her hand for a sec and tells her goodbye and ugh dammit you two. We could have had it aaaaaaalllllll 

And so the cavalry has arrived but run into a bit of a bit of a dilemma of their own, the car flipping when they hit a damn landmine. The most shocking bit of the whole thing, though, is that Zapata jumps straight out from the back and runs to Jane's door, frantically asking if she's okay before calling Weller over to help free her. Is this a weirdly written backflip of her attitude or is this her real regard for Jane breaking through the anger that had been masking it? Personally I hope it's the latter, bc I've always liked to think that Zapata does care about Jane, and needs her, because right now she needs an outlet for all her negative emotions and (unhealthy as it is) she knows Jane will bear it, will be that proverbial punching bag for her because JANE knows she needs it (and knows that it isn't actually about her specifically at all). Hopefully it's a situation that doesn't last much longer as Zapata eventually finds better outlets (and apolgises her ass off to Jane). I just really need Zapata and Jane to be buds again. Sigh. But anyway ugh Weller pulls her out and they're clinging to each other for a sec until she sees Borden bolting for the trees and Weller takes off in pursuit. Really, son? It's like a bear trying to run down a cheetah. But sure, knock yourself out. Meanwhile I'm more excited to see the ladies save their other lady friend and ugh my precious babies. Even if Zapata and Jane are at odds rn, they can agree they both love Patterson and would do anything for her. #TeamBlindspotLadies

So somehow Weller caught up to Borden (I suppose it’s true cheetahs aren't great over long distances) and now they're getting into a punch-up, and while I can believe Borden probably got some martial arts training after joining Sandstorm-- possibly from Remi herself-- I still struggle to believe that he would ever win this fight. I did pause it at a hilarious spot just now though where there's just an upside down foot about to smack into Weller's face haha. And then Borden manages to cuff Weller's hand to his ankle, which is amusing but I definitely call bullshit, because anyone that’s been anywhere near handcuffs would know they would definitely not fit around a grown man's leg, especially not over his trousers. Not a chance. But whatever haha. And then ugh he says that Borden can't shoot him and he's all "not yet" and ugh remember when these two were buds?? Guys that would talk about sports during Weller's sessions but then Borden also always listened when he needed to talk about his dad or Taylor or whatever? I am so sad we lost that. Goddammit writers why couldn't you have just listened to me and made Pellington the mole. I guess I have to be thankful that at least it wasn’t Tasha... 

Noooo Pellington stay away from Roman!!! Stop hurting my baby pupppyyyyyy. Ugh and now there's the tears and the yelling and damn I am impressed with Luke Mitchell rn. He's absolutely killing it this ep. And then aaaaahhhhhh Pellington is gonna send him to the CIA to be tortured just like Jane and okay I take back all the nice things I said about you earlier, getting rid of Nas doesn;t make up for hurting my puppy. But ughhh Weller and Jane stand together against him, and then Weller threatens to quit if Roman is taken away (ugh the way Jane looks at him when he says that, just let me die right now). But I wonder if Weller’s threat is just because he knows Pellington doesn't want to have to find a replacement, or if he's starting to suspect that Pellington might have other reasons-- possibly Sandstormy reasons-- for wanting to keep him in that role??? And then ugh he argues to keep Nas, and while that initially bugged me earlier (I'm sure it's rather clear by now that I'm less than a fan of her, and especially of her thing with Weller), his language actually makes it clear that he wants her back because her needs her knowledge of Sandstorm, and doesn't think he can figure them out and catch them without her. And with that lightbulb moment, I'm back to being just a little less displeased with Weller. Not overly happy with how he's suggesting to use Jane and Roman's connection to get info, but then Pellington is pretty ruthless in his methods so Weller probably has to pretend to be that way too, even if he's planning on doing things differently. But dude, he is so setting himself up to be screwed over, and when that inevitably happens (*cough* when Nas betrays the team *cough*) Jane is the one that's gonna be there, picking his ass up off the ground. Because she loves him, and helping others is just what she does. Also ugh Jane with her hand on Roman's shoulder while he looks down at her... I can't even deal with these two.They are my babies and i love them

Firstly, I love Reade's apartment and I want it. Secondly, hmmm, a patient who had major vascular surgery going home the same day as he had his operation? Yeah, nope. Not ever. But again, tv land, so.... *shrugs*. The teasing Reade and sarcastically caring Zapata is so great until bam! the world's most unwanted kiss bursts awkwardly into the scene. Oh Gero. Gero, Gero, Gero. WHATREUDOIN. I seriously hope that this kiss-- and her reaction to it-- was just a way to get the "will they get together?" question completely out of the way by giving it a resounding no. Although lbr I don't trust the writers not to create a scene later where Zapata comes to Reade and is all "I was too scared to admit it to myself but I know now I'm desperately in love with you, let's ride off into the sunset together". Which would be THE WORST. Honestly like 99% of the time I am like YESSSS GIVE ME ALL THE ROMANCE but this has just never been a romantic ship to me. This has always been two people who love each other because they are BEST FRIENDS, regardless of the fact that they have different sets of genitals. And it's not just bc I want Reade and Sarah to find each other again, or to see Zapata fall for the 'forgetful terrorist' that she currently dislikes so much. It's because Zapata and Reade's friendship has always been one of the most beautiful and powerful parts of the show, and to imply that that kind of connection can only be had if you're also getting naked together... well that just pisses me off, because it cheapens the whole thing. So quit it, Gero. This is a ship that should never sail, okay???  Let's hope Zapata sticks to her guns and Reade realises that they never would have worked and they both just agree to forget it ever happened

Ughhhhh Jane bringing Roman food and reassuring him that it's all only temporary and then giving him the coooooin and ugh their haaaaaands and the "we'll figure it out together" and aaahhhhhhhh save meeeeeee

And then ughhh here's my next favourite brother-sister relationship, with Weller bringing sunflowers to Patterson who is talking adorably loudly and ugh he gets choked up as he gives them to her and he tries to encourage her to rest but lets her show him what she found anyway bc he knows she needs it and so she shows him the article about Borden's death-- or rather, Nigel's death (lol Nigel Thornton just makes me think of Nigel Thornberry. Smashing.) But ooooh that was clever by the writers--- this ep is titled "Nor I, Nigel, AKA leg in iron". Which could be interpreted as Nigel having his leg in irons, aka being trapped. Shackled. Like they're implying Borden was kind of 'chained' to Sandstorm, with no chance for freedom. Also she insults Borden's medical school which upon googling doesn't appear to be a real one, so that makes me wonder if Hardyshire is a name or a brand that one of the writers doesn't like or something haha, and it's their own little in-joke lol. Then she talks about the book code and he asks how she knows and she says “come on, I read the notes" which I do not understand? Which notes? And then Weller FINALLY gives her the phone belonging to the Sandstorm contact (still betting it was Remi) and lol after Patterson splutters about having "all of the questions" they easily decrypt it with the book key. And so they immediately find a video file (is there more on the phone or just that one file?? Will we see more next week?? It occurs to me now that I haven’t watched the promo yet lol). But yeah what is this leopard thing???? I always thought her neck seemed strangely uneven by just having the bird on one side. So I assume they scrapped the leopard tatt, right? Like didn't do it at all rather than it being in invisible ink or something. Which means that maybe Sandstorm thought it was somehow too revealing, like it could tie back to them somehow? Or maybe whatever the tatt was about is no longer an issue? Or something???? (also did you notice how well behaved I was just now and didn't make a single comment on Jane's great butt haha) 

So sandstorm is altering Phase 2 but Weller's role in it is still important. BUT WHAT IS ITTTTTT GERO JUST TELL US

Awwww nooo my baby Roman is having his first mempory, but it's an awful one (statistically, I guess that makes sense, given so much of his life has been awful). But ughhhhh idc if he was a terrorist before I just wanna give him a huggggggg