#f/o: karl heisenberg

[maxicaiman]

shakily holds them out and sets them down

[heisenposting]

Imagine Karl Heisenberg asks if he can spend the weekend working on your back yard. Thinking that he just wants to mow the lawn and trim some branches, you agree.

You don't give it another though as he goes out in his sandals and socks, in his cutoff jean shorts and his stained old tank top, coming back in for a sandwich and a beer every couple of hours. You have your own work to catch up on and errands to run, books to read and friends to visit.

On Sunday evening you become curious, and you step out onto the porch to see what he's up to. He smiles sheepishly and says that he might have maxed out one of your credit cards as he wipes his brow with a handkerchief and stuffs it into his back pocket.

You're not listening, and even if you were you wouldn't give a damn about the credit card, because what you see before you is a chaotic and verdant garden of flowers, new trees, bushes, and metal benches. The trellises and the vertical garden were bent and welded by him, but more impressive are the vegetables and the fruit plants, all lovingly tended and already thriving. The trees and the bushes are perfectly manicured. The amount of grass has been reduced, giving away to pathways and even a table and chairs, each crafted by Karl.

You run to him, throw your arms around him, and you kiss him under the peach tree. He starts a fire in the fire pit and the two of you wrap up under a blanket with cold beers as he tells you about the days before Miranda, about his mother's rose garden and how he loved to help her tend to the plants. The two of you fall asleep in front of the fire, wrapped in each other's arms.

[the-bar-sinister]

2) for karl!

2. “You know you don’t have to ask for a hug.  Come here, sweetheart.”

Despite the shy look on your face, Karl favors you with an easy grin. He sets his cigar down in the ashtray and pats his lap.

"Can't believe after everything we've been through you're still asking permission." He shakes his head, and as you sit down on his lap he pulls you into a firm squeeze. The folds of his coat envelope you and you can feel the stubble of his cheek rubbing against your as he gives you a nuzzle like a big, aging tabby cat.

"See?" he grumbles, still holding you against his warm body. "Free hugs any time you want 'em."

prompt link (open)

[whimsiloves]

Heisenberg is in the middle of one of his heated and theatrical rants with you being his patient listener. At some point, you reach out to brush his arm in comfort as he strides past you, and he comes to a sudden halt. He goes from a hot-headed solid to a docile liquid in seconds. All of his anger goes out the window within seconds as he leans against you, weary from his former displays, and needy for nothing but your warmth.

[heisen-shrine]

Happy one year for me and my beloved!

I know I don't post here as often, but I will always love this man. A year ago we finally made us official and it's been a wild ride since.

I will always love you, Karl Mikhail Heisenberg, now and forever 💙🤎

Love always,

-Ash ^.^

[rosieshipper]

Emily: That’s not the problem, you working in the factory all night is what’s keeping you and Ethan apart, you two just need to bone

Rose: Eh!

Heisenberg: What did you say?

Rose: Please don’t say it again

Emily: I said you two need to bone

Heisenberg: How dare you Emily Davis, I am your future father in law!

*5 minutes later*

Heisenberg: BONE!

*10 minutes later*

Heisenberg: What happens in my bedroom, Emily, is none of your business!

*21 minutes later*

Heisenberg: BONE?!?!

*40 minutes later*

Heisenberg: Don’t ever speak to me like that again *walks off*

Rose: *Looking over at her girlfriend* Why did you do that?

Emily: Dude was pent up, now he knows, problem solved

Tags: @astralshipper @aricka-and-her-fictional-others @magicalpuppyprincess @recordplayershipping @wolfofthedead

[avid-adoxography]

Hi!! Can I get Heisenberg for the character bingo? 🥺👉👈

*FREE SPACE: Please take this man to therapy. The cycle of abuse must be broken but he needs better coping mechanisms than perpetuating the violence he's experienced through fucked up scientific experiments. Just saying! :')

[eurovisionhyperfixationposting]

Not me having a picture of my f/o(Karl Heisenberg)in my pocket for when things get tough during school.

[lolahauri]

✎ Introduction ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Requests are always open, and you can send as many as you want, as detailed as you want! I just get to them whenever i can/feel like it.

Anon's: 🌹-🕯️-🍁-❤️-

Other Accounts: @lolas-favfics @lolamultifandom @lolahaurisfw

AO3: Here

-> MASTERLIST <-

-> EVENT MASTERLIST <-

DNI: MAP, ZOO, Pro-Para, Pro-Ana, TERF, Zionist, Bigots, Minors!!!, Discourse Blogs. ❤️🖤🤍💚

Things I Won't Write:

Sex Crimes of ANY KIND, Super Violent/Xtreme Kinks, Inflation, Feederism, Abuse, Puke, Shit, DDLG, Age Play, Raceplay, Wound Fucking, Gore, Vore, Misgendering, Lesbian x Male, Gay Man x Female, Stepcest etc... no exceptions!

Fluff, Angst, Platonic. (Go to my other fanfic blog for that.)

Things I Will Write:

Genderbent Characters, Mild Yandere, Daddy/Mommy Kink, Cheating, Mild BDSM, CNC, Dubcon, Monsters, Hybrids, Sex Pollen, Legal Age Gap, Power Imbalance (Prof/Student, Boss/Employee), Feet, Armpits, Piss, Breeding, Mild Bloodplay & Knifeplay, Cock Warming, Dry Humping, Voyeur, Public Sex, Orgy, 3somes, Sex Toys, Overstim, Edging, etc... etc... :P

Trans Reader, Chubby/Tall/Short/Curvy/Fat/Buff Reader, Other Specific Characteristics.✔️

*if you aren't sure, just ask!* :)

HC's, One Shots, Multi-Chapter, Drabbles, F/O Imagines.

Canon-friendly, AU's, Canon Divergence, Out of Character.

Ch x Ch / Ch x Reader / Ch x OC / OC x Reader / Poly Ships of any kind.

F/F, M/M, F/M, GN/F, GN/M, Poly Ships of any kind.

Now that that's out of the way, here's the list of fandoms and characters i'm familiar with and will happily take requests on! (you can request other characters from these fandoms, but it might take me longer!)

Adventure Time/Fiona & Cake: PB, Marceline, Marshall Lee, Winter King, Candy Queen, Simon, Ice King, Fiona.

Attack On Titan: Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Sasha, Levi, Hanji, Annie, Historia, Reiner, Erwin, Ymir. 

Avatar: Jake, Neytiri.

Batman Begins Triology: Batman, Catwoman, Bane, Joker, Scarecrow.

Bee & Puppycat: Bee, Deckard, Cass, Toast.

BigBang Theory: Raj, Leonard, Penny, Amy.

Black Dynamite: Honeybee, Black Dynamite.

BNA: Michiru, Shirou.

Bob’s Burgers: Bob, Linda.

Breaking Bad: Jesse, Skylar.

Call of Duty: Konig, Ghost, Mace, Keegan, Krueger, Valeria, Farah.

Creepypasta: Jeff, Jane, Ben, Toby, EJ, LJ, Slenderman, Splendorman, Clockwork, Kate, Masky, Hoodie,

Desperate Housewives: Bree, Gabi, Edie, Lynette, Carlos, John.

Dirty Dancing: Johnny, Baby.

Earth Girls Are Easy: Mac, Zeebo, Wiploc, Valerie.

Elemental: Wade, Ember.

Encanto: Isabela, Bruno, Dolores, Julieta.

FNAF Movie: Vanessa, Mike, William/Steve.

Frozen: Elsa, Anna, Kristoff.

Futurama: Leela, Fry, Amy, Bender.

Gravity Falls: Ford, Stan, Soos, Melody, Giffany, Bill.

Jane The Virgin: Jane, Michael, Petra, Luisa, Rose, Rogelio, Xiomara.

Jurassic Park (1993): Ian Malcolm, Ellie Sattler.

Jujutsu Kaisen: Gojo, Choso, Nanami, Sukuna.

King of the Hill: Hank, Peggy, Luane, Nancy, Dale, Khan, Min, John Redcorn.

Lisa Frankenstein: Lisa, Creature, Taffy.

Little Mermaid (2022): Ariel, Eric.

MHA: Dabi, Hawks, Aizawa.

Moon Knight: Moon System, Layla, Khonshu.

National Treasure: Benjamin, Riley.

Nintendo: Link, Zelda, Peach, Daisy, Rosalina, Luigi, Bowser, Waluigi.

Norbit: Rasputia, Norbit.

Princess & The Frog: Tiana, Lottie, Naveen, Shadow Man.

Ratatouille: Colette, Linguini. 

Regular Show: Mordecai, Margret, Eileen, CJ, Benson.

Resident Evil: Karl Heisenberg, Carlos Oiliveria, Lady Dimitrescu.

Rick and Morty: Rick, Jerry, Beth, Doofus Rick.

Riverdale: FP Jones, Hiram.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: Kim, Ramona, Gideon, Wallace.

Serial Mom: Chip, Beverly.

Silverado: Slick, Rae, Mal, Paden.

Shallow Hal: Rosemary, Hal.

Shameless: Lip, Fiona, Kev, V.

SheRa (2018): All Adults.

Sherlock (2010): Sherlock, John Watson.

Slashers & DBD: Brahms, Ghostface, Michael Myers, Jason Vorhees, Pyramid Head, The Spirit, Huntress, Trapper, Wraith, Trickster, Pearl, Jennifer Check, Stu Matcher, Billy Loomis, Tiffany Valentine, Patrick Bateman, Thomas Hewitt, Vincent Sinclair, Eric Draven, The Artist, Amanda Young.

Spiderverse: Miguel, Jessica Drew.

Spongebob: Dennis, Man Ray.

Squid Games: Gi-Hun, Sae-Byeok, Ali, Sang Woo.

Steven Universe: Garnet, Amethyst, Peridot, Lapis, Jasper, Blue Diamond, Rose, Greg.

Stranger Things: Robin, Billy Eddie, Chrissy, Hopper.

Supernatural: Sam, Dean, Castiel.

Super Store: Amy, Jonah, Dina, Garrett, Cheyenne.

Tangled: Flynn, Rapunzel, Mother Gothell.

The Batman (2022): Batman, Riddler.

The Breakfast Club: John Bender, Allison Reynolds.

The Nanny: C.C, Fran, Maxwell.

Total Drama Island: S1 Contestants, Chris, Chef, Blainley.

Triple Frontier: Frankie, Santiago.

Turning Red: Ming Lee, Jin Lee.

Twilight: Edward, Carlisle, Alice, Charlie.

WWE: Rhea Ripley, Roman Reigns.

YOU: Beck, Joe, Peach, Love.

Young Sheldon: Mary, Connie.

Abel Morales (A Most Violent Year)

Astarion (Baulder’s Gate 3)

Babbo Natale (Violent Night)

Barbie (Barbie 2023)

Basil Stitt (Lightning Face)

Beverly Goldberg (The Goldbergs)

Bruce (Beyond Therapy)

Charles Ingalls (Little House on the Praire)

Charlie Dompler (Smiling Friends)

Chel (Road to El Dorado)

Dale Kobble (Longlegs)

Dan Conner (Rosanne)

David Levinson (Independence Day)

Din Djarin (The Mandalorian)

Doug Remer (Baseketball)

Duke Leto Atreides (Dune)

Fezzik (Princess Bride)

Francine (American Dad)

Fujimoto (Ponyo)

Georgia Miller (Ginny & Georgia)

Jack Harrison (Translyvania 6-5000)

Jackson Rippner (Red Eye)

Jon Arbuckle (Garfield 2024)

John Doe (John Doe Game)

Jonathan Levy (Scenes from a Marriage)

John Wick (John Wick 4)

King Baldwin (Kingdom of Heaven)

Kitten (Breakfast on Pluto)

Laurent LeClaire (In Secret)

Linda Gunderson (Rio)

Llewyn Davis (Inside Lleywn Davis)

Master Chief (Halo)

Mike (5lbs of Pressure)

Moe Doodle (Doodle Bops)

Nani Palekai (Lilo & Stitch)

Nathan Bateman (Ex Machina)

Outcome-3 (The Bourne Legacy)

Orestes (Agora)

Paul Blart (Paul Blart: Mall Cop)

Paul Cable (Last Stand at Saber River)

Peggy Bundy (Married With Children)

Peter Mitchell (3 Men & A Baby)

Poe Dameron (Star Wars)

Prince John (Robin Hood 2010)

Robert ‘Bob’ Floyd (Top Gun: Maverick)

Rose Tyler (Doctor Who)

Shiv (Pu-239)

Stanley Ipkiss (The Mask)

Star-Lord (Gaurdians of the Galaxy)

Tate Langdon (AHS: Murder House)

The Janitor (Willy’s Wonderland)

Thomas Magnum (Magnum, P.I 1980)

William Tell (The Card Counter)

[lolahaurisfw]

✎ Introduction ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Here i'll only be taking requests for fluff, platonic, and angst! Reqs are always open like usual too, and you can request as much as you want and as detailed as you want! i just get to things when i can/want to.

Anon's: None Yet

Other Accounts: @lolas-favfics @lolamultifandom @lolahauri 🔞

AO3: Here

-> MASTERLIST <-

DNI: Map, Zoo, Pro-Para, Pro-Ana, TERF, Zionist, Bigots, Discourse Blogs. Block me if you don't agree. ❤️🖤🤍💚

What I'm Willing To Write:

Fluff, angst, platonic, hurt/comfort.

HC's, one shots, short multi-chapter fics, imagines/drabbles.

Canon-friendly, AU's, Canon Divergence, Out of Character.

Ch x Ch / Ch x Reader / Ch x OC / Poly Ships of any kind.

F/F, M/M, F/M, GN/F, GN/M, Poly Ships of any kind.

Fictional Other (F/O) Imagines: +18, no names, they/them only.

Now that that's out of the way, here's the list of fandoms and characters i'm familiar with and will happily take requests on! (you can request others from these fandoms, but it will prob take me longer)

Adventure Time/Fiona & Cake: PB, Marceline, Marshall Lee, Winter King, Candy Queen, Simon, Ice King, Fiona.

Attack On Titan: Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Sasha, Levi, Hanji, Annie, Historia, Reiner, Erwin, Ymir. 

Avatar: Jake, Neytiri.

Batman Begins Triology: Batman, Catwoman, Bane, Joker, Scarecrow.

Bee & Puppycat: Bee, Deckard, Cass, Toast.

BigBang Theory: Raj, Leonard, Penny, Amy.

Black Dynamite: Honeybee, Black Dynamite.

BNA: Michiru, Shirou.

Bob’s Burgers: Bob, Linda.

Breaking Bad: Jesse, Skylar.

Call of Duty: Konig, Ghost, Mace, Keegan, Krueger, Valeria, Farah.

Creepypasta: Jeff, Jane, Ben, Toby, EJ, LJ, Slenderman, Splendorman, Clockwork, Kate, Masky, Hoodie,

Desperate Housewives: Bree, Gabi, Edie, Lynette, Carlos, John.

Dirty Dancing: Johnny, Baby.

Earth Girls Are Easy: Mac, Zeebo, Wiploc, Valerie.

Elemental: Wade, Ember.

Encanto: Isabela, Bruno, Dolores, Julieta.

FNAF Movie: Vanessa, Mike, William/Steve.

Frozen: Elsa, Anna, Kristoff.

Futurama: Leela, Fry, Amy, Bender.

Gravity Falls: Ford, Stan, Soos, Melody, Giffany, Bill.

Jane The Virgin: Jane, Michael, Petra, Luisa, Rose, Rogelio, Xiomara.

Jurassic Park (1993): Ian Malcolm, Ellie Sattler.

Jujutsu Kaisen: Gojo, Choso, Nanami, Sukuna.

King of the Hill: Hank, Peggy, Luane, Nancy, Dale, Khan, Min, John Redcorn.

Lisa Frankenstein: Lisa, Creature, Taffy.

Little Mermaid (2022): Ariel, Eric.

MHA: Dabi, Hawks, Aizawa.

Moon Knight: Moon System, Layla, Khonshu.

National Treasure: Benjamin, Riley.

Nintendo: Link, Zelda, Peach, Daisy, Rosalina, Luigi, Bowser, Waluigi.

Norbit: Rasputia, Norbit.

Princess & The Frog: Tiana, Lottie, Naveen, Shadow Man.

Ratatouille: Colette, Linguini. 

Regular Show: Mordecai, Margret, Eileen, CJ, Benson.

Resident Evil: Karl Heisenberg, Carlos Oiliveria, Lady Dimitrescu.

Rick and Morty: Rick, Jerry, Beth, Doofus Rick.

Riverdale: FP Jones, Hiram.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: Kim, Ramona, Gideon, Wallace.

Serial Mom: Chip, Beverly.

Silverado: Slick, Rae, Mal, Paden.

Shallow Hal: Rosemary, Hal.

Shameless: Lip, Fiona, Kev, V.

SheRa (2018): All Adults.

Sherlock (2010): Sherlock, John Watson.

Slashers & DBD: Brahms, Ghostface, Michael Myers, Jason Vorhees, Pyramid Head, The Spirit, Huntress, Trapper, Wraith, Trickster, Pearl, Jennifer Check, Stu Matcher, Billy Loomis, Tiffany Valentine, Patrick Batmeman, Thomas Hewitt, Vincent Sinclair, Eric Draven, The Artist, Amanda Young.

Spiderverse: Miguel, Jessica Drew.

Spongebob: Dennis, Man Ray.

Squid Games: Gi-Hun, Sae-Byeok, Ali, Sang Woo.

Steven Universe: Garnet, Amethyst, Peridot, Lapis, Jasper, Blue Diamond, Rose, Greg.

Stranger Things: Robin, Billy Eddie, Chrissy, Hopper.

Supernatural: Sam, Dean, Castiel.

Super Store: Amy, Jonah, Dina, Garrett, Cheyenne.

Tangled: Flynn, Rapunzel, Mother Gothell.

The Batman (2022): Batman, Riddler.

The Breakfast Club: John Bender, Allison Reynolds.

The Nanny: C.C, Fran, Maxwell.

Total Drama Island: S1 Contestants, Chris, Chef, Blainley.

Triple Frontier: Frankie, Santiago.

Turning Red: Ming Lee, Jin Lee.

Twilight: Edward, Carlisle, Alice, Charlie.

WWE: Rhea Ripley, Roman Reigns.

YOU: Beck, Joe, Peach, Love.

Young Sheldon: Mary, Connie.

Abel Morales (A Most Violent Year)

Astarion (Baulder’s Gate 3)

Babbo Natale (Violent Night)

Barbie (Barbie 2023)

Basil Stitt (Lightning Face)

Beverly Goldberg (The Goldbergs)

Bruce (Beyond Therapy)

Charles Ingalls (Little House on the Praire)

Charlie Dompler (Smiling Friends)

Chel (Road to El Dorado)

Dale Kobble (Longlegs)

Dan Conner (Rosanne)

David Levinson (Independence Day)

Din Djarin (The Mandalorian)

Doug Remer (Baseketball)

Duke Leto Atreides (Dune)

Fezzik (Princess Bride)

Francine (American Dad)

Fujimoto (Ponyo)

Georgia Miller (Ginny & Georgia)

Jack Harrison (Translyvania 6-5000)

Jackson Rippner (Red Eye)

Jon Arbuckle (Garfield 2024)

John Doe (John Doe Game)

Jonathan Levy (Scenes from a Marriage)

John Wick (John Wick 4)

King Baldwin (Kingdom of Heaven)

Kitten (Breakfast on Pluto)

Laurent LeClaire (In Secret)

Linda Gunderson (Rio)

Llewyn Davis (Inside Lleywn Davis)

Master Chief (Halo)

Mike (5lbs of Pressure)

Moe Doodle (Doodle Bops)

Nani Palekai (Lilo & Stitch)

Nathan Bateman (Ex Machina)

Outcome-3 (The Bourne Legacy)

Orestes (Agora)

Paul Blart (Paul Blart: Mall Cop)

Paul Cable (Last Stand at Saber River)

Peggy Bundy (Married With Children)

Peter Mitchell (3 Men & A Baby)

Poe Dameron (Star Wars)

Prince John (Robin Hood 2010)

Robert ‘Bob’ Floyd (Top Gun: Maverick)

Rose Tyler (Doctor Who)

Shiv (Pu-239)

Stanley Ipkiss (The Mask)

Star-Lord (Gaurdians of the Galaxy)

Tate Langdon (AHS: Murder House)

The Janitor (Willy’s Wonderland)

Thomas Magnum (Magnum, P.I 1980)

William Tell (The Card Counter)

[notbadforafailedvessel]

Resident Evil backstory generator

Find out your backstory for the Resident Evil universe! Some scenarios generated won't make sense canonically because it's pretty random, but just have fun! Write down your results (And some head canons if you want) for yourself or an OC and tag me or reblog this so I can read it!

Birth Month - Figure out who you're related to:

January - Albert Wesker February - Jill Valentine March - Mother Miranda April - House Heisenberg May - Ada Wong June - Leon Kennedy July - Barry Burton August - House Moreau September - Chris and Claire Redfield October - House Dimitrescu November - Rebecca Chambers December - Ethan Winters

First Letter of First Name - What Game Your Story Takes Place In:

A - Resident Evil: Outbreak B - Resident Evil: Revelations 2 C - Resident Evil 8 D - Resident Evil 5 E - Resident Evil 7 F - Resident Evil: Code Veronica G - Resident Evil: Revelations H - Resident Evil 4 I - Resident Evil 6 J - Resident Evil K - Resident Evil 3 (Remake) L - Resident Evil: Code Veronica M - Resident Evil 7 N - Resident Evil: Zero O - Resident Evil: Outbreak P - Resident Evil 3: Nemesis Q - Resident Evil 2 (Remake) R - Resident Evil 8 S - Resident Evil 2 T - Resident Evil 5 U - Resident Evil 8 V - Resident Evil: Code Veronica W - Resident Evil X - Resident Evil 6 Y - Resident Evil 3: Nemesis Z - Resident Evil 4

First Letter Of Last Name - Who Your Partner Is

A - Piers Nivens B - Chris Redfield C - Jill Valentine D - Ethan Winters E - Leon Kennedy F - Carlos Oliveira G - Sheva Alomar H - Moira Burton I - Claire Redfield J - Ada Wong K - Sherry Birkin (Grown Up) L - Barry Burton M - Jake Muller N - Mia Winters O - Leon Kennedy P - Barry Burton Q - Chris Redfield R - Sheva Alomar S - Claire Redfield T - Ada Wong U - Carlos Oliveira V - Jill Valentine W - Ethan Winters X - Zoe Baker Y - Piers Nivens Z - Leon Kennedy

Favorite Color: The Main Villain You're Fighting Against

Red - Nemesis T Type Orange - Albert Wesker Yellow - Chief Brian Irons Green - Mr. X Blue - Mother MIranda Purple - Derek Simmons Pink - Lord Osmund Saddler Brown - Lord Karl Heisenberg Black - Alex Wesker White - Lady Alcina Dimitrescu

Favorite Voice Line (Out of the ones provided): Who You Save

No thanks, bro! (Leon Kennedy) - You save Ada Wong

I'm not gonna die on you and leave you in a cold, cruel, Carlos-less world. (Carlos Oliveira) - You save Jill Valentine

Hmm... Starting to go a little stale (Alcina Dimitrescu) - You save Rosemary Winters

You want S.T.A.R.S? I'll give you S.T.A.R.S! (Jill Valentine) - You save Carlos Oliveira

You were almost a Jill Sandwich. (Barry Burton) - You save Chris Redfield

This is getting old. Saving your ass - That's twice. (Ada Wong) - You save Leon Kennedy

I'm sick of bugs! (Ethan Winters) - You save Mia Winters

I'm going to murder that boulder-punching asshole, but you're first! (Karl Heisenberg) - You save Ethan Winters

Staaaars! (Nemesis) - You save Mikhail Viktor

What're ya buyin'? (The merchant) - You save The Duke

My results:

I'm related to Ethan Winters (I'm hating this already 😒😂).

My story takes place in Resident Evil 4.

My partner is Claire Redfield.

The main villain I'm fighting against is Mother Miranda (after having Ethan as my relative, I think I would prefer to make team with Mother Miranda to get rid of him 😂😂😂 afterwards I deal with her 😌).

I'm saving Leon Kennedy.

Thank you so much for tagging me, @ctitan98! This was fun. I really don't know many RE fans here so I wouldn't know who to tag, but if you see this and you want to do it, go ahead pls!

[maxicaiman]

mmm comfort couple,,,

nothing bad ever happens to them I swear

[heisenposting]

Imagine watching Karl Heisenberg grow increasingly frustrated as he tries to eat a taco while driving without getting it all over himself (he gets it all over himself.)

[the-bar-sinister]

12 for the ask game!! I wanna hear the karl soldat army rant!!

12) aren’t you tired of being nice? this is an excuse to rant.

A continuation of this post where I mention people asking "why did Karl build the army instead of killing Miranda some other way". The following was originally written as an answer to a post asking that very question-- despite mostly being rhetorical, I kinda went off about it.

Why does Heisenberg bother with the robot army instead of just killing Mother Miranda in some other way?

So there’s two reasons for this, actually.

Miranda’s actual power, and Miranda’s perceived power.

For the first one, Miranda’s actual power, funny as it is to call her “just some stuck up old lady”, we can see from her fight with Ethan at the end of the game that that’s simply not true. Miranda has quite a bit of viral/supernatural power, shape shifting, mental fog, all kinds of strength, regeneration, and nasty attacks.

And this is when she’s in a weakened state, due to the ritual to bring back her daughter.

Second, is Miranda’s perceived power.

What you need to remember is that every person in the village has grown up isolated and indoctrinated into a cult, the central tenet of which is that Mother Miranda is all powerful. This includes your man, Karl.

Now Karl obviously doesn’t believe that she’s all powerful, but here we have to peel back the second layer of Miranda’s perceived power over him.

Karl didn’t start this relationship as an adult man. Karl was a child.

Miranda raised him as a son, AND as part of her cult.

To Heisenberg, Miranda is an abusive parent.

And speaking as a victim of child abuse, one of the key elements of an abusive parent is raising your child with the perception that your power is absolute, and unshakable.

Whether or not Heisenberg could kill her some other way is irrelevant, because at the end of the day, Karl is scared of her. He fears exactly what she’ll do to him if he tries to kill her, and messes it up. He isn’t going to GET another shot. The plan has to be perfect, foolproof.

This is what Heisenberg sees every time he thinks about killing Miranda.

(image transcript: a meme of a baseball mascot with mother Miranda’s face pasted over it. The text reads “What are you gonna do with that big bat? Gonna hit me? Better make it count. Better make it hurt. Better kill me in one shot.”)

And that’s why the robot army. That’s why the insane amount of planning, and preparation, and secrecy.

Heisenberg is afraid of his abusive mother Miranda, knows he has exactly one shot to kill her, and is terrified of what will happen if he misses that shot.

f/o ask game to rile you up

[whimsiloves]

[heisen-shrine]

The Great Christmas Movie Discussion!

(So we're all just about ready for Christmas. Trees done, house is decorated, and we have most of the gifts wrapped. I'm doing the last few when a thought comes to me...)

Me: hey guys...what are your favorite Christmas movies and why?

Karl: what's yours, buttercup?

Me: for me personally it's a toss up between Jack Frost and Last Christmas.

Elijah: Last Christmas? (Raises brow) are you serious?

Me: hey look that movie was one of the few made me cry my eyes out in the theater, so shush.

Astarion: personally I'm fond of the original home alone movies. Though I absolutely LOVED Violent Night. Controversial opinion but Black Christmas was a good one...and the original one, not the remake shit before anyone gets on my case about it.

Otto: eh, call me old fashioned, but I have a soft spot for It's a Wonderful Life. Though if we're going with more modern movies, Polar Express is pretty good for what it was.

Me: the story of that was good but the visuals throw me off....(shudders)

Oz: i don't care who says what, Die Hard is a Christmas movie and I'll die on that hill.

Me: and I'd help you defend it. What about you, Rabban?

Rabban: (blinks and goes a bit quiet) i...don't have a favorite. I've never actually...seen any.

Me: oh honey we're gonna fix that!

Karl: nightmare before Christmas is best Christmas Movie. And Halloween movie. Tim Burton just hits the spot for me. Oh and if Die Hard is a Christmas movie, so is Edward Scissorhands.

Oz: Edward scissorhands ain't a damn Christmas movie!

Karl: watch your ass, penguin. Those are fightin' words in my house!

Me: guys chill...it's Christmas time and we should all act like we love each other. Elijah, what's your favorite Christmas movie?

Elijah: eh...Mines a bit divisive....

Astarion: oh cmon Kamski how divisive can it be? Besides we're all friends here.

Elijah: I like Jim Carreys version of the Grinch. Also I really like the old timey puppeteer slash claymation movies. Also the animated frosty the snowman. Classics.

Me: okay I'll admit the grinch is a guilty pleasure. But the old timey movies I totally get. My first memory is actually snuggling up to my dad while watching one of them. I can't remember which one it was...I think it was Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. The one where the creepy mailman committed a federal crime within the first five minutes (giggles)

Elijah: yeah...but we're all in agreement Love, Actually was terrible right?

Astarion: um actually that movie is my Christmas guilty pleasure.

Otto: everyone in that movie was a terrible person though! With the exception of the dad and his stepson...

Astarion: and that's WHY I like it. At least I can watch it and think I'm not THAT bad!

Me: okay but were all in agreement...Christmas Story...terrible right?

(Resounding sounds of agreement)

Karl: as terrible as that movie was, I did convince Moreau to lick a frozen pole once (laughs) Miranda was so pissed!

Me: oh my God Karl! Did she ever find out it was you?

Karl: fuck no! And that doesn't leave this room!