#f: boe series | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tightjeansjavi · 9 months

Text

Slow Hands | Chapter 3 “trust me to trust you”

A/N: I sat on this story for awhile as I’m already figuring out how I want to develop the plot. I can tell this is going to turn into another passion project for me as I love the idea of post!outbreak domestic Joel and finding love in his late age. This chapter you get a little glimpse into what outbreak day was like for Beanie. Please remember that the nature of this fic will have dark themes. I will mark the warnings appropriately, but please read with caution. 🖤

~word count: 5.2k~

Pairing | Joel Miller x f! Reader

Summary: early winter mornings, fear of the past, a felt fawn, and Maria’s egg casserole.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence from outbreak day, mentions of loss, carnage, brink of death, depictions of a knife wound, PTSD, panic attacks, trigger responses, mentions of a firearm, I am no expert on the subject but I have done some research as I know it’s a delicate topic, angst, Joel is struggling to adjust to living a domestic life, anxiety, feeling like an outcast, grumpy old man! Joel, shy! Joel, kinda mean! Joel, sunshine reader, flirting, fluff, awkward situations, reminiscing on the past, reader has no physical descriptions and is from Texas, reader has a nickname (beanie bc y’know coffee beans) no age gap, vulgar language, slow burn, this is a fic that takes place post-outbreak so please keep in mind that there will be dark/triggering themes, but to also remember that it is not the main plot line for the story. Please read with caution. (+18) minors dni!

main masterlist series masterlist playlist

It had been over 20 years since outbreak day, when your world and life as you once knew it, turned to flames and ash before the frightened whites of your eyes. Your coffee shop, Cuppa Smiles, was your little slice of heaven. You had put so much love, dedication, and passion into your establishment. Your coworkers were friends from college that were just looking for a change of pace from their 9-5’s just like the next person.

They all tried to kill you, whatever they were now. It had happened all so fast, and even now on the quietest of nights, you could still hear their snarls and animalistic growls. You could still remember the frightened screams, the chaos and destruction as a Boeing 747 collided into the earth and burst into flames, debris falling from the explosion, hitting those who were fleeing, and those who were no longer living. You remember tumbling along the concrete, rolling like a sack of potatoes as you struggled to breathe. To your direct left was a truck flipped over on its side.

Through the harsh ringing in your ears, you could make out two male voices on the other side of the truck. The one man was holding a young girl to his chest who couldn’t be more than 12-13 years old.

“I’m sorry, baby, I know, I know.” The man’s tone was urgent, rushed and laced with fear as he held his daughter close.

“We gotta get off the street!” The other man shouted desperately.

“Tommy!”

“Head to the river! I’ll find a way. Get her outta here, Joel! Go!”

Joel.

Joel..Miller?

The last time you saw Joel Miller, all you could remember was the fear in his eyes, before everything around you went black.

When Tommy and Maria Miller discovered you on the outskirts of Jackson, looking like you were all skin and bones as you slipped off your horse's saddle and into the cool dirt. Your body was exhausted, your resources were spent and now you just hoped that you would die peacefully. That was until a strong pair of arms were gently lifting you from the dirt as your body laid like a limp fish.

“D’ya think she’s still breathin?’” Tommy asked his wife as she was quickly checking your pulse.

“Barely. She must have been riding for days out in this heat.”

“She showin’ any signs of bein’ infected?” Tommy knew the protocol of bringing in stragglers from outside Jackson, and if you were found to be infected..

Maria made quick work to check your body for any signs of a bite mark. She took sudden interest in a large bloodstain through the tattered fabric of your shirt. She gently lifted the fabric from the hem to discover a gruesome sight. What appeared to be done by the work of a sharp blade was a long semi deep, gnarly gash carving from your abdomen, up your torso, curving under your left breast and wrapped around your ribcage to your left shoulder blade.

“Fuckin’ hell. Someone tried to carve her up?” Tommy asked in disbelief as his wife gently pulled the hem of your shirt back down.

“Raiders, no doubt. She’s not infected. I can’t find any bite marks, but one thing’s for certain though, this woman has been through some hell.”

It was well over an hour till sunrise when Joel Miller lumbered out of his home, shovel in hand and bundled up fiercely in multiple thick layers to protect his skin from the harsh biting cold. His plan was simple, head over to your house down the street, shovel your walkway, and ask you to accompany him to breakfast. It really was quite simple, but despite that he was running a script over in his mind on exactly what he wanted to say to you.

Hey Beanie, was wonderin’ if you’d like to accompany me to breakfast?

Wait..what if she declines? Then what are you gonna say?

Uhh..

Oh, well that’s alright! Maybe another time? No pressure or nothin.’

What if..she thinks it’s strange that you’re shoveling her walkway at the crack ass of dawn?

Jus’ doin’ my neighborly duty. Besides, it’s jus’ a friendly favor, y’know cause we’re friends?

I sound like an idiot.

Maybe I should just..start off with saying good morning?

I’m hopeless.

Joel grumbled to himself as he trudged through the snow. The whipping wind bit at his exposed skin but he welcomed the chill without a complaint. The harsh elements were just another reminder that he was still alive and breathing.

The outside of your home was just as he expected it to be, quaint, yet quirky. He imagined that in the summer months your front porch would be scattered with flowers and plants. The mailbox just outside your gate was crooked and could definitely use a fresh coat of paint, and the wooden gate was a little creaky, but nothing he couldn’t easily fix. He was already making a little mental note of everything he wanted to fix on, and around your home.

The snow was a few inches deep, it stopped just below the top of his boots. His back already screamed a dull pain up his spine as he bent down with the shovel and got to work. The pain he felt in his muscles was just another reminder that he was still alive.

He gritted his teeth together, jaw clenched as he worked through the first section of your covered walkway.

You never considered yourself to be a heavy sleeper even before the apocalypse. A door slamming, or pots clinking in the kitchen sink at your long since abandoned apartment was all it took to stir you from your slumber. Now, even in the safety of Jackson, your brain was always ticking. What could be lurking behind that dark shadow across the street? Realistically, nothing. It’s just your brain playing a dirty trick on you. A branch outside your window snaps, it’s just the wind. It’s just the wind because it’s storming out, and a strong wind can break even the sturdiest of branches. That noise you heard in the dead of the night? It was just an animal. Maybe a raccoon or a screech from a barn owl. It wasn’t a clicker. You were safe, so why couldn’t your brain just..turn off? Why was it still stuck in this survival mode when nothing inside Jackson’s strong walls could hurt you.

This sound in particular was different. It was unfamiliar, and unfamiliar meant danger. Scraping, grunts, more scraping; man. The hairs on the back of your neck were standing up as you shot out of bed like a bat out of hell. You kept your shotgun next to your bed because well..you could never be too careful. You never had a reason to use it, but it brought you some form of comfort that you didn’t realize you so desperately needed until Tommy experienced your triggers firsthand when he had accidentally snuck up on you while your back was turned to him behind the counter of your shop. The last time he had seen fear struck that deep inside one person, was the night Sarah died in Joel’s arms. So, Tommy lended you a shotgun as an apology.

He’s out there. He’s trying to get me. I have to run. I have to hide. He’s found me and he—he’s going to take me away.

Your brain was screaming at you as you crept down the steps. Every step you took you feared would be your last. It had been sometime since you experienced an episode as severe as this one. Other times you were able to talk yourself back down to logic. Sometimes you’d resort to unbridled violence, usually on a sack of sugar. This time, you felt as if you had no control over your body's current state. It was as if you were reliving—

Joel had his bad ear facing towards your front door. Between the pain in his back, and the scraping of the metal shovel along the concrete, he wasn’t able to detect the front door creaking open.

His back was facing you as you shakily pointed the barrel of your gun at what you thought was an intruder. Due to the low light from the sun barely peeking over the mountains, all you saw was a darkened figure bent over in the middle of your walkway. Had it been brighter out, perhaps you would have recognized the lone figure to be Joel.

Your ears were ringing loudly as the inner voice inside of your brain was demanding you to shoot. Shoot him and then run, and never look back. Your breath grew shallow as the figure slowly turned around to start on the next snow patch..and then immediately froze.

Joel dropped the shovel with a heavy clank as he slowly raised his hands above his head to show you that he was no immediate threat to your safety. “Beanie? Hey, it’s alright darlin’ it’s just me.”

He’s lying

Your entire body was trembling at the top of the steps as Joel hesitantly took a few steps forward. “Darlin?’” I’m gonna need you to lower the gun now, okay? You’re safe. It’s just me. Nothin’ out here is goin’ to hurt you.” He spoke softly, yet firmly. He kept his hands where you could see them in direct view. He was close enough now that even in the low light, he could see the frightened whites of your eyes as you stood there, unblinking.

“I’m goin’ to take another step towards you, okay? Please don’t shoot me.”

Don’t trust him. He’s one of them. He’s here to hurt you. He’s playing a trick on you.

“Joel?” You stuttered shakily as you finally found your voice.

His heart sunk deep into the pit of his stomach when he picked up on just how terrified you were. He knew it wasn’t directly because of him. Something had happened to you, he knew the look on your face all too well, and it was a good thing he knew how to act calm in a dire situation such as this one.

“Yes, it’s Joel. It’s just me darlin.’” He responded as he took another step towards the foot of the steps leading up to your front porch.

“D—don’t come any closer, please.” You uttered just barely above a whisper as you kept the barrel of your gun trained on him.

“Okay. I won’t come any closer, but I need you to trust me to trust you. Do you understand what I’m saying to you Beanie?” He was careful with his choice of words. Anything too sudden might end up with him potentially getting a bullet to the arm or thigh. Not the chest, please. He silently thought to himself.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I trust you to not shoot me, so I need you to trust me to approach you. Okay? We can do this in baby steps. I just really need you to lower the gun, okay?” His eyes locked on yours as he gave you a reassuring nod.

You blinked a few times as your hands shakily lowered the barrel of the shotgun to the floorboards. Something in you suddenly clicked as the realization of what you had just done, more-so almost done, hit you like a freight train and suddenly you were crumbling right before his eyes.

He let out a visible sigh of relief when your gun was no longer aimed at him, but as soon as your body crumbled to the ground, he jumped into action. His gloved hands were gently wrapped around your shoulders as he spoke softly, yet urgently to you. “Beanie? Hey, you’re alright. You’re alright. I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re safe.” He felt like in those crucial moments it was necessary that he repeat himself just in case you didn’t hear him the first time.

Your eyes were frantically searching his own, pupils dilating under the low light that the early winter morning sky had to offer. He was holding your shoulders so delicately, as if you were fine bone china that would shatter just upon glancing at it. He could feel your muscles trembling under his loose grip. He could feel a hint of anger bubbling in the deep pit of his stomach. The same anger he experienced when he found Ellie— “d’ya..wanna take some deep breaths with me maybe? Or we could count? Sometimes I try’n pick a spot on the wall or somethin’ or count the steps it takes me to get from point A to point B. S’not the best method, but it helps bring me back down to earth.” His tone was so soft, sincere and genuine. If you weren’t such an emotional fucked up wreck, your heart would be melting into a puddle by now.

“Joel..I’m so sorry I-I—didn’t know it was you. I thought you—I thought..” You struggled to articulate a cohesive sentence as his espresso brown eyes bore into yours. He gave you a reassuring nod, and a gentle squeeze along your shoulders.

“Hey, it’s alright. I know you weren’t g’nna shoot me. You were just frightened. Your mind was probably playin’ some trick on you.” He murmured as his thumb was gently stroking back and forth across the fabric of your pajamas on your shoulders. “Y’sure you don’t wanna count?”

“Does..it actually help?” You whispered timidly.

“Sometimes..all depends on what it is that’s triggerin’ me.” He softly responded

“Can you start..please?”

“Course I can darlin.’ We’ll start at Ten.”

“Nine.”

“Eight.”

“Seven..”

“Six.”

“Five..”

“Four.”

“Three..”

“Two.”

“One.” You murmured in unison.

“Y’feel alright with me helpin’ you up? We can stay down here. S’alright with me.” His arms were fully enclosed around you now. He smelled better than you expected. Of course it helped that Jackson had an abundance of hygiene products available; soap being at the top of the list. He smelled earthy, rugged with a hint of minty freshness..toothpaste maybe.

“I really wasn’t going to shoot you..something just came over me and..I couldn’t stop myself.” You admitted softly.

“Would have been real hard for you to shoot me with the safety on darlin.’” He stifled a chuckle as he could see from the angle he was crouched down at, the safety on your rifle was in fact on. “Who gave you that rifle anyway? Someone outta teach ya to use it..never can be too careful.”

“Tommy gave it to me a few years back.”

“Ah. That does sound like somethin’ my brother would do.” He slowly stood to his feet as he offered you his gloved hand to help you up. “These floorboards are pretty damn wobbly. I can take a look at them when it ain’t so cold out? They probably started warpin’ from the changes in the weather. Might have a few boards that are rotted out.”

“Anything else you wanna fix on my house?” You teasingly asked as you grasped his hand, allowing him to help you up from the current sitting position you were in.

“Honey, I’ve got a whole mental list goin’ on in my head right now. The flood boards could end up bein’ a safety hazard if I don’t check ‘em sooner, rather than later. Your mailbox could use some sprucin’ up. Nothing a bit of paint can’t fix, and your gate is a little crooked. I’d uh—I’d be happy to do it though.” He was rubbing the back of his neck nervously with a sheepish look on his face.

“A whole list, huh? Is that why you were over here at the crack ass of dawn?” There was a ghost of a smile on your lips as you wrapped your arms around your chest to block out the bitter chill.

“Well, I gotta put my carpenter skills to good use somehow, right? Actually..I just woke up this mornin’ and wanted to do somethin’ nice for ya. Y’know after you came over and returned the mug..plus, I couldn’t really sleep all that much. I rarely do these days. Anyway, I’m ramblin’ yet again. The main reason I shoveled your walkway is cus’ I was goin’ to ask you if you’d like to accompany me to breakfast?” His face was flushed, and his cheeks were rosy, but he was certain it wasn’t because of the biting chill.

“You came all this way to shovel my walkway, and find an excuse to ask me out to breakfast?” You couldn’t help the smile that was slowly forming over your lips. It was crazy to think that just five minutes ago you were a complete cluster fuck of an emotional wreck, and now you were smiling like a fool because Joel Miller was proving to you that even in an apocalypse, chivalry was alive and well.

He ignored your question, at first. It wasn’t on purpose, he just was more tuned into your active shivering, and the way you tightened your arms across your chest in a weak attempt to block out the early morning chill.

“Are ya cold?” He asked with a soft rasp. He didn’t allow you the chance to answer as he was already slipping his warm suede jacket off and placing it over your shoulders.

“Thank you..” you whispered in a soft response.

“Of course. I’d feel pretty fuckin’ shitty if I caused ya to catch a cold out here.”

“And I’ll feel the same exact way if you catch one as well. Do you..want to come inside? I can put a fresh pot on?” You were already gesturing to your front door with a soft tilt of your chin in that direction.

“Let me just finish up with your walkway, and then I’d love to join you for a cup of coffee.” He was already heading down the steps to grab his discarded shovel.

“Wait! Joel, your jacket? Don’t you want it back?”

He glanced over his shoulder at you with a tiny grin playing on his lips. “Nah, s’alright darlin.’ The cold ain’t real botherin’ me anyway. Now please, go inside before you actually catch a cold.”

You weren’t one to argue at this early in the morning, and especially when you had yet to indulge in your cup of coffee. You slowly bent down and picked up your rifle and slung the strap over your shoulder before heading back inside. As soon as Joel heard the click of your front door closing, he continued on with shoveling the rest of your walkway.

The coffee grounds were just beginning to steep when he had quietly entered your home. He politely left his boots along the doormat next to yours. He didn’t want to be a rude houseguest and track in any snow. The first thing he noticed about your interior style was that you were anything but a minimalist. You had all sorts of picture frames hanging on the wall. Some were photographs but the others were paintings. Realism, portraits, landscapes, anything your heart desires, you painted it.

He especially took interest in all your knick knacks that were scattered in a clay bowl on the table in the entryway. Old keys, coins, lighters and paper matchboxes. Figurines, tiny porcelain coffee cups. The pads of his fingers brushed over a tiny felt fawn that was sitting atop of all the ‘clutter.’

“Ah. I see you found my bowl of treasures? Well, some people would probably call them junk, but I’ve always been a collector of oddities. Although, I wouldn’t really call them oddities. I think the proper term would be keepsakes?” You had two mugs of steaming coffee in your hands as you approached him. His jacket was still loosely hanging off of your shoulders as he looked over at you.

“Where did you find all of these treasures? Have you been collectin’ them through the years? Ellie’s obsessed with this kinda stuff.” He set the little felt fawn down gently as he reached for the coffee mug. Your fingers gently brushed against one another as he gingerly removed the mug from your hand. “Thank you, by the way. For uh, the coffee.”

“For the most part I have found all of these pieces on my own. Tommy actually found that felt fawn a few months ago. He knew it would bring a smile to my face. Do you want to take it home? I’m sure Ellie would love it. That’s kinda the whole concept of the bowl y’know? When I have guests over, I want them to pick something from it that really speaks to them. As you can see the bowl is quite full, considering I don’t get much company around here.” You brought the rim of your mug to your lips, softly blowing on the rising steam before you took a cautious slow sip.

“Oh, I couldn’t do that Beanie. I don’t wanna take somethin’ from ya that makes ya smile. That was awfully nice of my brother. Y’guys pretty close then?” He was gently leaning his weight back against the edge of the table, ankles crossed as he took a small sip from his own mug. For a split second you couldn’t help but feel the soothing domesticity from the moment you were sharing. Joel’s thick woolen socks, his flushed cheeks from the cold paired with his coat resting along your shoulders. There was something so tender to it all.

“Joel, I insist. Please, take the fawn and give it to your kid. I even have a little box for it so it looks like it’s a present. I’m sure she’ll love it. Anyway, Tommy and I are close. I suppose you could lay it out that way? I owe my life to him and Maria..they were the ones who took me in. I haven’t been outside Jackson since.”

“‘Course you got a little box for it and everythin.’ Alright, I’ll give it to El. You haven’t been outside Jackson in that long?..” He asked with genuine curiosity. He didn’t want to come across like he was prying either. He wanted you to open up to him not because he forced you to, but because you felt comfortable enough around him to show your vulnerabilities.

“I’ve only been outside the town one another time and that was when we found the coffee bean plants in the Colorado nursery. Tommy and Maria were with me of course and—” You paused, remembering how freaked out they were when you started to panic out of the blue. Neither of them could calm you down, and you passed out in Tommy’s arms.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anythin’ you don’t wanna tell me, alright?” He reached his freehand out and gently placed it along the side of your wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Let me..go get that box for Ellie’s fawn. Did you still want to do breakfast?” You set your mug along the table, you had barely touched it.

“If you’d like to. I’d thoroughly enjoy your company, and you ain’t lived till you’ve tried Maria’s egg casserole, darlin.’” He was grinning boyishly over the rim of his mug.

Man, was he handsome.

“Sounds like her egg casserole is to die for then. I’ll just grab that box, and then get dressed. You alright with hanging out here by yourself for a few minutes?”

“I think I can find a way to keep myself entertained till then.” He assured you.

“Perfect.”

Joel waited until you had disappeared upstairs before he let out a deep sigh as he looked down at the little felt fawn. His brow furrowed as he was deep in thought over what had possibly happened to you when you went outside Jackson with Tommy and Maria. He could connect the dots and piece the puzzle together, and the blaring answer was something bad had happened. What exactly? Now, that was going to take a little bit of time.

You came back downstairs a few minutes later. Dressed in some worn out jeans and a sweater made of pure sheep’s wool. Joel’s jacket was resting along the crook of your arm as you handed him a little felt box that went along with the fawn.

“Keep my jacket. I’ve got plenty at home.” Was the first thing that he uttered as he took the felt box from you and gently placed the fawn figurine inside before tucking it safely away in his pocket.

“Joel, I can’t do that. I’ve got plenty of jackets here as well.”

He wanted to tell you to keep it because he liked the way it looked on you. He kept those thoughts to himself for the time being.

“Alright, I won’t fight ya on it.” He shrugged.

“Good, cause you’ll lose every single time you try.” There was a playful edge to your tone as you placed the jacket back around his shoulders.

“Is that a challenge?” He mused, with his eyebrow quirked upwards.

“Nope. It’s facts.” You grinned.

Yeah, we’ll see about that.

More of Jackson’s residents began to emerge from their homesteads at the shrill sound of the breakfast bell chiming from the mess hall. Joel had respectfully offered you his arm as you descended down the porch steps, and past your crooked gate. You obliged to his offer, wrapping your gloved hand around the crook of his elbow.

You had never felt so many pairs of eyes on you since living in Jackson. Curious, envious, surprised, disgusted? Those were the types of looks you encountered from a handful of Jackson’s residents. The looks you received were mostly from women, and even though the world had ended, jealousy was still brewing.

It wasn’t everyday that Joel Miller came strolling into the mess hall with a pretty thing on his arm. You stood out like two sore thumbs, but it seemed like neither of you were paying much mind to it. Joel was used to the stares. People around here didn’t know much about him, other than the fact that he was Tommy’s older brother and Ellie was..like a daughter to him. They’d see the scars on his hands and arms and split like a sundae. He’d hear the whisperings of who he was, where he came from, and he’d shrug it all off. He much preferred keeping his family close, and everyone else at an arm's reach. He secretly relished in remaining a mystery to most.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Tommy spoke in a surprised tone as you and Joel approached the table that he and Maria were currently seated at. “Ya finally get Beanie outta her coffee shell?”

“It appears that I did. Told her about Maria’s egg casserole and she was sold instantly.” Joel reached over and gave his brother a gentle pat on the shoulder. “Ellie stroll through here yet?”

“She came in a few minutes ago with Dina. There sittin’ with their friends ov’there.” Tommy gestured with the end of his fork.

“Thanks. Got somethin’ I wanna give t’her.” He turned towards you then and gave you a reassuring smile. “Why don’t ya go and grab yourself a plate. I’ll come sit with ya in a minute.”

“Do you want me to grab you a plate as well?..”

“You’re a real doll. Thank you, that would be great.” He gave his brother a slight nod before he was sauntering away to where Ellie was sitting. Her and Dina were sitting side by side, shoulders touching.

“Hey, kiddo.” Joel murmured softly.

“Hey, Joel.” Ellie responded, not looking up from her plate. Things between them were..rocky to put it nicely. She loved her dad of course, and after what happened yesterday she thought she’d be okay, but the truth was she wasn’t.

“I uh—don’t mean to bother you and Dina or nothin.’ Jus’ wanted to give this to you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the little velvet box and placed it down in front of her. “Beanies got this collection of treasures and I saw this..little fawn, and immediately thought of you kiddo.”

Why can’t I just be good with my words for once in my fuckin’ life?

Ellie could feel tears pricking the corner of her eyes as she gently lifted the lid off the box to reveal the little felt deer encased inside. This small gesture meant more than Joel would ever realize..but Ellie kept her poker face strong.

“Thanks, Joel.”

His heart dipped and sunk like dry sand becoming wet and weighed down from tumultuous waves crashing upon the shore. It was a small step in what he hoped was the direction of forgiveness.

“You’re welcome, kiddo.” He cleared his throat before he ambled away back to the table where the rest of his family were sitting. He had only known you for less than twenty four hours, and he already thought of you as family. He didn’t count all the times before outbreak day only because that part of himself had died along with Sarah. Or, so he thought.

“El..he’s trying at least.” Dina was resting her chin along Ellie’s shoulder as they were both gazing down at the little felt fawn.

“He is.” Ellie murmured softly.

Joel took a seat across from you as you were sitting next to Maria, gushing over her egg casserole, and how Joel was absolutely right about you not living until you tried it.

He thought you looked so pretty with a soft smile on your face as you looked at Maria with genuine adoration.

At nightfall, Joel, Tommy and a few other men were out patrolling. With the winter being so harsh, there were more chances of man wandering through these parts. Stragglers were one thing, raiders? That was a whole other story. Joel and Tommy took to the east on horseback. The longer winter night was dead silent. There was no howling wind to whip against the bone dry branches. No low hoot from an owl. It was quiet, too quiet. Even the horse’s hooves were nearly undetectable from how soft and careful they were stepping into the snow.

The only light source they had was the brightly lit moon shining in the jet-black sky. The stars scattered about weren’t nearly as brilliant as the moon.

Joel broke through the silence as he adjusted the strap of his rifle over his shoulder. “Tommy?..” he started, “do you know what happened to Beanie?..”

Tommy let out a huff of air as the bitter cold burned his lungs. He averted making eye contact with his brother before he was met with no other choice but to finally make eye contact with him. “It ain’t my place to tell you that, brother. I’m sorry.” He sounded defeated with his words because he didn’t want to keep anything hidden from Joel. Not after all those years they had spent apart from one another.

“You better give me a real fuckin’ reason why you can’t tell me. Tommy, she nearly fuckin’ shot me this mornin’ because she thought I was a threat. That I was a danger to her life. You can’t tell me anythin?’” Joel whispered back, harsher than he had wanted but he didn’t like being left out of the loop.

“Joel,” Tommy hissed under his breath, “Even if I knew the exact details of what that woman went through, I wouldn’t be able to disclose them to you.”

“Why the hell not?” Joel quipped back.

“Because, because..she ain’t got’a fuckin’ clue about what happened to herself either, Joel.”

What?

Banners made by the lovely @saradika

Tag List: @chaotic-mystery @cavillscurls @thetriumphantpanda @sinsofsummers @morning-star-joy @cupofjoel @dinsdjrn @kirsteng42 @korynnekorynne @amanitacowboy @casa-boiardi @yazsos @joeldjarin @bitchwitch1981 @laurrrra @whattownheadshake @evylzzz @ahintofkiwistrawberry @ladymildfrd @bobafettbutifhewasgay @gintheginger @pedrobaby @sheepdogchick3 @cactusangie @mrs-dr-reid @littlemisspascal @tessa-quayle @darkroastjoel @pedrostories

I will be getting rid of my tag lists in the near future and making a separate account for just my fics. I’ll be making this announcement soon!

Chapter 4:

229 notes · View notes

wheelsgoroundincircles · 11 months

Text

Rockwell XFV-12A

by Alex Stoll

Around 1970 the Navy could not see how it was going to be able to replace its old Essex and Midway carriers with Nimitz-class supercarriers. Admiral Elmo Zumwalt directed a study of alternatives which resulted in the Sea Control Ship (SCS), a mini-carrier equipped with V/STOL fighters and ASW aircraft. The USN invited manufactures to propose demonstration programs for a new aircraft, called the V/STOL Fighter Technology Prototype, to replace the outdated Harrier and serve on the SCS or other ships much smaller than conventional carriers: BAe and MD proposed an improved Harrier and a supersonic Harrier with a PCB (Plenum-Chamber Burning) engine; Boeing and Northrop proposed jet-powered tail-sitters; Lockheed-California proposed a propeller-driven tail-sitter; and Rockwell proposed a canard-delta aircraft powered by a large and enormously powerful engine that used the ejector-lift system for V/STOL. The Navy awarded the contract to Rockwell in 1972, instead of choosing designs based on proved technology, and the XFV-12A designation (twelth in the V series, not in the F series; the F-12 was the interceptor verison of the Blackbird) was allotted. Even though the forward fuselage and landing gear of the A-4 and the wing box, air intakes, and fuel tanks of the F-4 were used to speed the program up, it still ran far behind schedule. The prototype was rolled out in December 1976 and the first flight was scheduled for 1979.

Engine Configuration For takeoff and landing, the entire engine was ducted to hollow-section "ejector flaps" (also called augmentor flaps) out along the wings and the canard by pilot command via a diverter valve box. The high-energy hot gas forced fresh air from above through the ejector flaps at a ratio of 7.5:1 to boost thrust by 70 percent. The ejector flaps could be raised or lowered to provide a smooth transition from vertical to horizontal flight or vice versa. After the XFV-12A's cancellation, de Havilland Canada designed an aircraft with ejectors build into the roots of a delta wing. GD incorporated their concept into the E-7, a F-16-based delta-winged STOVL aircraft. DHC built a large powered model and tested it in 1987. The EL system was large and control was difficult as a result of the large air mass moving through the wing root during transition, and nothing came of it (though not because the EL couldn't produce enough thrust as in the XFV-12A's case) despite the attractive low exhaust velocity.

Cancellation Rockwell and Pratt & Whitney experienced several major technical problems, and the thrust boost from the ejector flap system was never as large in the full-scale aircraft as predicted from data collected by test rigs and sub-scale models; the XFV-12A could not leave the ground. Eventually funding dried up, the SCS was canceled, and the program proved a disappointment; however, in most future ASTOVL programs, large-scale powered models were used because of the experience gained in the XFV-12A program.

#Rockwell XFV-12A #Rockwell #Pratt & Whitney #V/STOL fighters #V/STOL #jet fighters #fighters

123 notes · View notes

mariacallous · 2 months

Text

Conspiracy theories and the people creating them have overwhelmed the US political process, and they’re becoming only more prevalent with each passing year. 2024 will be no different, if not worse: We’re already uncovering all kinds here on the WIRED Politics desk, from election conspiracy groups to claims that Boeing planes were made faulty on purpose. In the past few days alone, we’ve seen theories swirl online about the Baltimore bridge collapse and Kate Middleton’s cancer announcement.

A number of conspiracies were also given a boost this week by Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s long-shot presidential campaign. Let’s talk about them!

The Longest VP Announcement

On Tuesday, RFK Jr. officially announced his VP choice: Nicole Shanahan, a tech entrepreneur, lawyer, and very wealthy ex-wife of Google cofounder Sergey Brin. I checked in with WIRED contributor Anna Merlan to debrief what was probably the longest veep announcement in recent history, and to talk about the conspiracies, digital campaign strategies, and vaccine skeptics driving Kennedy’s campaign. I’ve been taking a hard look at how the campaign is reaching voters online, and Anna covered the announcement for WIRED. She’s also been reporting on RFK Jr. and the anti-vax conspiracy ecosystem for years.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

MK: Ok. Nicole Shanahan. When they played her introductory video at the RFK Jr. event, I wasn’t expecting her to come off so conspiratorial. Were you surprised by what she said at all?

AM: Obviously, Shanahan was widely reported to be the VP pick. I did not know her stance on medical conspiracy theories, but I figured there had to be something there because you probably wouldn't agree to appear on a ticket with RFK without that.

So in her introductory video, she said that her daughter started showing signs of autism spectrum disorder in her infancy, and then she segued into making a series of claims that are very legible to people in the anti-vaccine movement. She claimed that chronic illnesses and conditions like autism can be caused by environmental exposure, wireless technology, and medication. And then she added that science can't assess the cumulative effects of multiple childhood vaccines—which is not true. The childhood vaccine schedule is very, very, very studied. Vaccines are some of the safest, most tested medical products on earth. It's not true, but as a talking point, it is again incredibly recognizable to the anti-vaccine movement. So for me, hearing her saying that stuff solved a little bit of a mystery of why she's involved.

MK: There were a lot of other people on stage yesterday and I didn’t recognize all of them. Who were those people?

AM: This was obviously a very long event—I think you even tweeted that it was only slightly shorter than Dune 2, which is true. There was a parade of speakers: Some of the bigger ones were Del Bigtree, who is really well known among anti-vaccine activists and is currently serving as the Kennedy campaign’s communications director; Jay Bhattacharya, who is a very prominent anti-lockdown figure; a former border patrol agent; and a couple of people who are active, if not super well known, in the natural health space. Basically, these speakers were each meant to speak to a slightly different constituency, because RFK Jr.’s main focus for so long has been anti-vaccine activism.

MK: Let’s talk about Bigtree. I’m curious about the space he occupies in the online conspiracy world.

AM: Bigtree was definitely the biggest speaker who was on the stage. He’s a very well-known anti-vaccine activist and is the CEO of a group called Informed Consent Action Network that is funded by billionaire foreign donors. He was the producer of an extremely famous and successful vaccine movie called Vaxxed, with Andrew Wakefield, who is the father of the modern anti-vaccine movement. And he’s the person who first falsely claimed that there might be a link between vaccines and autism, and set off a huge panic. So, Bigtree is incredibly well known. He’s incredibly popular and his place on the Kennedy campaign, I would opine, is meant to signal to RFK Jr. supporters in the anti-vaccine community that it’s still going to be a concern for a theoretical Kennedy administration.

MK: It did feel like the campaign was trying to thread the needle between the left and the right.

AM: It’s an awkward fit, isn’t it? I mean, RFK Jr.’s campaign had a YouTube livestream where you could watch the announcement, and if you looked at the comments during the land acknowledgement for the Muwekma Ohlone Tribe, they were pretty, unsurprisingly, racist. This is not a reflection on his campaign necessarily, but it's a reflection on some people who might have been inclined to support him. The sort of tug between having a Bay Area tribe on stage to get the land acknowledgement and then having somebody come on stage to talk about his history as a border patrol agent is awkward. Is that actually going to work on a large number of undecided voters? I don't know, but clearly that was what it was meant to do.

MK: Earlier today, I saw an ad on Twitter promoting an RFK Jr. documentary. It feels like such an investment in highly produced storytelling for the campaign. And this announcement event being so highly produced, it read like the campaign is trying really hard to make all of this pseudoscience appear legitimate. What did you think?

AM: RFK Jr.’s campaign, as you wrote about, has been very aware of sort of appealing to online spaces. One of those ways that you do that are these highly produced, slick little videos that look good on social media. So I wasn’t surprised.

But I was surprised that the announcement event was so long. I was surprised that there wasn't a little bit of attention to what the attention span is for an internet audience. I would definitely expect to see things that are highly produced, that are sort of media savvy, and that are also completely focused on burnishing RFK’s individual reputation. Because ultimately, in a long-shot candidacy like this, which may or may not be a sincere run for the White House, candidates are seeking to burnish their reputations in the worlds that they come from, and to even grow their market or their audience and become better known to a consumer base that they might not be known by already. Marianne Williamson, for example, had huge success with that.

MK: Another reason I can imagine why it was so long is because they knew how many eyes were going to be on this, and that it was probably one of their last big announcements and attempts to convince people to vote for him.

AM: The last big announcement. It's the last big chance to raise money, really. And they need money to get on the ballot. You’re trying to appeal to everybody, and you’re trying to make the most of what is probably your last moment.

The Chatroom

Occam’s razor doesn’t really exist on the internet. Or with conspiracy theorists. That couldn’t have been more apparent after a cargo ship tragically crashed into the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore this week, resulting in the presumed deaths of six people. Instead of assuming that the collision was due to a systems failure on the cargo ship, online conspiracy theorists have taken to blaming everyone from Nickelodeon to the CIA to DEI initiatives, as reported by my colleague David Gilbert.

We still don’t know too much about how and why the Tuesday morning collision took place, but if one were to guess—it’s unlikely that wokeness is the primary culprit.

But hey, maybe you know better than me. Leave a comment or send me an email at [email protected] and let me know.

12 notes · View notes

usafphantom2 · 3 months

Text

Finland acquires JDAM and SDB I weapon systems for its F-35 fighters

Fernando Valduga By Fernando Valduga 03/01/2024 - 13:00 in Military

The Patria and the Finnish Defense Forces signed a service agreement to develop the capabilities of Finland's F-35 program, specifically purchases of JDAM and SDB I ammunition.

Major General Jari Mikkonen, Head of the Logistics Command of the Finnish Defense Forces (FDFLOGCOM) signed the contract for the acquisition of JDAM and SDB I ammunition for the F-35 multifunctional fighters on February 29, 2024. The Finnish Minister of Defense authorized the Logistics of the Defence Forces Command to conduct the acquisition.

The object of the acquisition is the JDAM and SDB I systems with related equipment and services in the years 2024–2030. The acquisition is referred to as the Total Package Approach (TPA), which means that, in addition to the JDAM and SDB I pumps, the acquisition includes transport sets of BRU-61 ammunition, training material, manuals, spare parts, accessories, transport services and manufacturer instructions, as well as training services and supplier support. Contains spare parts and support services for manufacturers and suppliers by 2030.

The acquisition contract is in dollars and its indexed maximum price is US$ 96.1 million. Purchase payments will take place during the years 2024-2030.

The acquisition will be carried out in accordance with the Foreign Military Sales (FMS) procedure between the authorities of the USA and Finland, in which the Defense Forces Logistics Command will conclude the acquisition contract with the United States administration.

The JDAM (Joint Direct Attack Munition) is a modular guidance kit for 500, 1,000 or 2,000 pound bombs of the Mark 80 series. In addition to a guidance kit, a fuse or sensor is installed in the pump, depending on the intended use. A bomb equipped with JDAM can perform precision attacks on fixed or mobile targets at short range.

The SDB I (Small Diameter Bomb I) is a glider pump capable of accurately hitting medium-range targets. Thanks to the relatively small size of the pump, a fighter is able to carry a larger number of SDB I bombs at a time.

Guided bombs and glider bombs are part of the weapons acquisition package that allows the Finnish Air Force to have the ability to support other Forces in combat activities. The weapons of the F-35 fighters from Finland will be acquired in stages until the year 2035. The phased implementation of the acquisition of weapons will make it possible to optimize the composition of weapons as the Finnish F-35 program progresses.

"Some of the types of weapons to be purchased can also be used with our current fleet of F/A-18 Hornet. Therefore, when we make the transition to the F-35, we will be able to profit from the skills and experience in systems acquired so far," said the Director of the F-35 Program, Colonel (retired), Henrik Elo.

Tags: Military AviationF-35 Lightning IIIlmavoimat/Finnland Air Force

Sharing

Fernando Valduga

Aviation photographer and pilot since 1992, he has participated in several events and air operations, such as Cruzex, AirVenture, Dayton Airshow and FIDAE. He has works published in specialized aviation magazines in Brazil and abroad. He uses Canon equipment during his photographic work in the world of aviation.

Related news

The U.S. Navy award includes 14 new P-8s for Canada, three for Germany.

MILITARY

Boeing receives contract for 17 P-8A Poseidon aircraft, for Canada and Germany

01/03/2024 - 11:00

MILITARY

Czech Republic will modernize its JAS39 Gripen fighters

01/03/2024 - 09:00

INCIDENTS

German frigate fires missiles by mistake at USAF's Reaper drone in the Red Sea

01/03/2024 - 08:00

MILITARY

Ukraine shoots down 13 military jets in 11 days, bringing the Russian Air Force closer to the deadly organizational spiral

01/03/2024 - 00:39

MILITARY

Russia intends to restore the production of A-50 AWACS aircraft

29/02/2024 - 21:22

A U.S. Marine Corps XQ-58A Valkyrie, a highly autonomous and low-cost tactical unmanned aerial vehicle, conducts its second test flight with two U.S. Air Force F-35A Lightning II aircraft designated for the 33ª Fighter Wing, 96ª Test Wing at Eglin Air Base, Florida, on February 23, 2023. (Photo: U.S. Air Force / Master Sgt. John McRell)

MILITARY

USMC Valkyrie completes second test flight

29/02/2024 - 19:28

12 notes · View notes

thebvbbletea · 7 months

Text

Only friends is hands down for me the best gmmtv bl this year. Not only they're not going the typical romcom bl route like 'enemies to lovers', 'always bickering but one person secretly like the other one', 'going on a vacation together', 'stuck up in the same bedroom', etc etc. They're not afraid to be different, they're not afraid to try something new. Every single episode is intense and make us curious about how the story gonna develop next week. There's no single boring episode. And all of the guest appearance is shocking but also make sense at the same time.

Talking about how special OF, one of the reason why they're so stand out is because of their characters. Every single character are so well written, they have their own flaw and their up and down moment. They're messy and f*cked up, one time you love them, but another time you hate them, all of them are complicated but that's what makes them so relatable at the same time. Not only the 7 main characters, but even the side character like Boeing (oh gosh I love how pathetic he is), April, Plug, Yo, Atom, Gap, Dan, literally all of them stand out in their own way.

We started by liking Mew, Ray, Nick, Sand, Chuem and despise Top and Boston (I still hate Boston anyway lmao), but ended up loving Top and sometimes Boston. There's also a time when we hate Mew, Ray, Nick, Sand, Chuem and liking Top and Boston.

There's a time when we questioning their decision, there's a time when we feeling bad about their life, there's a time when we worried about them. Everyone is so multi-dimension, complicated and so well written. And of course it couldn't be done without amazing actor and actress.

Force, Book, First, Khaotung, Neo, Mark, Lookjun and all of the side cast is doing a great job. In my opinion, Book and Khaotung are truly nailed their performance. I really love how versatile Book is, how different he is not only from his character in another series but also how different he potray Mew in the beginning and Mew in the end of the series (maybe it'a because Mew is my favorite character, I already make a different post about how great his character is).

And we can't deny how Khaotung is a phenomenal actor. Every single character that he played is match perfectly to him. And it's also applied to Ray. His life is messy and his mental is not stable, but Khaotung could deliver all of his emotion perfectly.

First has his own charm. Sand is charismatic, cool, the calmest character and I think First is the perfect choice to play Sand. And ofc, he and Khaotung has undeniable chemistry. Sand and Ray's relationship is the most intense one, and we've drawn so much to their romance because of it. First and Khaotung's acting match each other perfectly.

I love how Force could potraying Top as someone who's fierce but also soft at the same time. He is strong but also vulnerable at the same time. And we can't deny how great his chemistry with Book, from Enchante to A Boss and A Babe to Only Friends. All of their chemisty is great and I love how sweet their lovey dovey moments are.

And I'm so so so proud of Neo. Boston is different from himself and his usual character and Boston is definitely one of the most difficult character to play. He's carefree, doesn't care of other people except himself, and I think Neo's acting is slowly develop each time he appear in a series.

Nick is the first Mark's main role. But just how he stole viewers' heart with Tiwson in MSP, Nick also stole viewers' attention. Nick is the 'hopeful romantic' and the most insecure character. Just like Neo, Nick is so different from Mark in real life and I LOVE how Mark could potray Nick perfectly. And even though, I could never imagine before how he and Neo being paired up (I mean like it's the most absurd combination at first lmaoo) but suprisingly they have a great chemistry.

And lastly Lookjun, the only female main role. But, even though Chuem is the only female main character, she still stand out and not outshadowed by other characters, But I still hate gmm for not make her appear more. There's so much we haven't see about her character. AND OH MY GOD, I LOVE HER AND NONNIE'S DYNAMIC (gmm, I begging you can we have their own gl series next year?)

AND I LOVE THE ENDING SO MUCH. Even though there's something that could done better, but I love how realistic the ending is. Every single main characters develop into a better person (Yes, even Boston. I mean at least he apologize to Mew). Not every friendship will last forever and you entitled for your own trauma. So Mew's decision to not want continue being Boston's friends anymore is valid. And I love how Nick choose himself over other person.

In conclusion, Only Friends is one of the best gmmtv's work. They deserve all the hype from the very first trailer. AND I'm not joking when I said I don't need season 2, I think the ending is already enough (even though I'm sooo seated for side story, maybe about Boeing please? Or Boston's life in New York? lmaoo). We need more adult messy story like this, 3 Will Be Free or even like Friend Zone. So gmm, maybe Only Friends gl version for next year, please?

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends #top #mew #ray #sand #nick #boston #first kanaphan #force jiratchapong #book kasidet #khaotung thanawat #neo trai #mark pakin #lookjun bhasidi #I CAN'T SHUT UP ABOUT THIS SERIES #i love love love this series so much #i'm sorry for the long post 😭

15 notes · View notes

invisiblegarters · 7 months

Text

So Just How Present Has This Ex Been, Anyway?

Out of curiosity to see how much my opinions have evolved about OF and its characters over the course of the series (season?), I've been going back over a bunch of my own posts since the beginning. While I will probably make another post about how wrong I was about some things (and how right about others, I do so love being right and pointing it out), what really struck me in light of all the back and forth about Sand (even if most of it doesn't actually seem to be about him at all, which is darkly hilarious to me in an episode that goes out of its way to highlight how Sand regularly ignores himself to make way for others) is just how early they started laying the groundwork for what's going on with Boeing.

This is an excerpt from something I posted in episode two. Please ignore the part about Ray (I know it's hard but we all have to make some sacrifices here) and think about it for a sec. As early as episode two there was groundwork that was laid down thick enough that I was picking up on it - I say this because I am not exactly the most observant person and I do tend to miss a TON on my first watch of these episodes. There's no background at all given yet, this is entirely based on the way that Sand looks during this "interview". Which is basically like he's Seen Some Shit (as an aside, I just love watching First make expressions and I think Sand is some of his best work. He's just so damn good at conveying so very very much with just the subtlest changes. First what even is your face).

I also noted in this episode that Sand...doesn't talk about himself. That he answers direct questions but he doesn't volunteer information (and I'm getting ahead of myself here but we see this in action again in ep 5 - he says he has dreams but explicitly does not elaborate until Ray asks him directly what his dreams are. At the time I was not as cognizant of that because I was too busy being surprised that Ray would even ask - I had a Ray hating reputation for a reason, guys - but in hindsight (and while thinking about this post) it struck me. We also see him really hesitate before telling Ray about his dad even though it's in response to a direct question (and he doesn't give him the entire truth, as we find out later). It's also the ep where we see Sand treating his own birthday like it's any other day, nothing important).

The second is that there are still times when he's looking at Ray that I don't see fondness, reluctant or otherwise. I see a man assessing how likely it is that the animal in front of him is going to bite. But more and more I am beginning to think I'm delusional because the guarded, emotionally unavailable man I sometimes think I see in Sand is not the one I'm getting in scenes like one in the car after the party

This is not a screenshot because it's in the middle of a paragraph and would look weird but it's from episode 3. Because there was this way Sand had of looking at Ray (you know the one: head tilted, taking him in like he was a bug under a microscope) that made me feel like I was taking crazy pills in between all the ways he was already folding for him at every moment.

But now, with the power of hindsight, it occurs to me that I might have been supposed to be seeing that. I just didn't have the information to know that it wasn't necessarily a reaction to Ray himself but a wariness he might be showing with anyone that he started falling for. Because Ex Trauma. Also I think now we see that in some ways Ray in the beginning especially was very like Boeing - getting into Sand's space regardless of how Sand may feel about it, ignoring Sand's attempts to put him off or tell him no because it's pretty obvious that if he pushes enough Sand will cave, etc - and maybe a part of Sand even registered that and reacted to it. Or maybe he's still just very fucked up from his last relationship and those feelings that he hasn't dealt with are already spilling into this new thing (for what it's worth, the second option feels most right to me).

By episode 4 it was very clear to me, apparently, that Sand had a metric ton of issues surrounding the ex.

Of course it was. That's the episode where Nick plays that far too often used recording. It's the episode where Nick says that compared to Top he feels like nothing, and Sand gets his patented War Flashbacks Look (TM) and says he knows exactly how Nick feels. It's also where we find out exactly what Top did that makes Sand hate him so much: "He stole my ex."

And I remember reading tumblr at the time (for my own sanity I do not have a twitter account and never ever will), as well as a few youtube comments and seeing people taking him to task for that line in particular. And while I agree, it's true you can't own someone so they can't be stolen and Boeing probably left all on his own (very clearly did, as we find out in future eps), to me this was the moment when I realized just how not over the whole thing (and I thought at the time, the ex himself) Sand really was. Because you don't hang onto that kind of anger if you've come to terms with something. And usually (not always but usually), you aren't quite so eager to keep the blame hanging all on the person that the ex left you for if you've moved past what happened. Even if Top actively pursued Boeing knowing that he was with Sand (and as of yet we have zero indication that was the case, and honestly probably won't unless they plan to drag Sand's Boeing Shit into another season), surely some of the blame would have to go on Boeing too, since he was the one who was actually in a relationship? But nope, that's not what Sand's doing, which told me all I needed to know about where his head was at regarding said relationship.

Just putting this here because this was me in episode five. LOL had I known how much the reaction to it would annoy me I might not have been so eager (that is a lie I totally would have I am HERE for what this might be able to do for Sand guys you have no idea).

And if Episode 4 hadn't given me an inkling of where Sand's head was (or very much wasn't) at regarding his ex, episode 6 would have done the thing.

The man is so angry after he speaks with Top in the hospital (after the ex is directly and indirectly brought up) that he goes and straight up steals a sex audio and then uses it to point good old volatile Ray at Top's new relationship like a missile. That was unhinged. Utterly.

And the use of Ray was definitely deliberate. Oh, I know that there are schools of thought that Sand was also trying to torpedo Ray's chances with Mew while he was at it (and I guess that's why so many people were so weirdly smug about RayMew happening and Sand seeing it?), but I don't believe that. I do believe, however, that he knew that giving Ray that information would guarantee Mew would find out, and he had no issues blatantly using him to make that happen...but for me it leads back to Boeing.

Hear me out. I know that everyone was very focused on how Ray was trying to move on from Mew before Boston dropped his bomb and I get that, it makes total sense, but it might help to remember that he wasn't the only one. Here Sand is, taking what he thinks are steady if slow steps to having something real with Ray, letting him in in spite of still being guarded and taking care of those burns he got from Boeing, and then it's dropped in his lap that nope, all that was a farce, this guy he's been focusing on as a real option (maybe the first person he's done that with since Boeing) is in love with someone else and has been all along.

Now I'm not saying that he's correct in thinking this - but I am saying that Sand doesn't have any information that would make him think otherwise (and no, Ray being sweet with him is not it. Ray also made very sure to clarify over and over to Boston that he and Sand were just friends, they weren't like that, etc - whatever reasons he might have for doing it, that's what Sand hears, and he isn't psychic and can't intuit if Ray's lying to save face just in case Sand doesn't like him too or if he's lying because he doesn't want news that he's not entirely single to get back to Mew). At that point Ray didn't even know how he felt, lol, how on earth could Sand be expected to? He's drawing his conclusions based on the evidence he has - filtered through his own biases and past fuck ups, yes, but who isn't guilty of that?

Even though the situations aren't quite the same, it must have felt like Boeing all over again. And I will say until I'm blue in the face that Ray owed Sand nothing at this point, it really doesn't change that. And I completely understand why Sand's reaction was to retreat, to build back up his walls and to decide fuck it, I don't matter so why should he? Didn't matter before, don't matter now. And frankly he was way more upset about the end result than just about anybody else involved save Mew and Top. Possibly Nick. More than anything, what Sand's behavior in episode six told me was that whatever issues he had with the ex, he hadn't dealt with them.

And we've seen zero evidence of that changing. What we do see, over and over, is Sand letting the past affect his present. What we see is him being wary at best even when he has what he's clearly wanted almost this entire time - Ray right there next to him, all in on him and happy to be so. I said this episode that it did not escape my attention that Sand doesn't reciprocate Ray's affectionate words at all - he loves hearing them, but there's a way he responds that reads (to me) as rejection - not of Ray, he'd never, but of fully believing the things Ray's saying to him.

I've said it before and I'm going to say it again now: I do not believe that Sand's hesitation is about Boeing. It has nothing to do with Boeing beyond what Boeing did to him making him gun shy. This isn't a fight between Sand's feelings for Ray and his feelings for Boeing. It's a fight between his feelings about what happened with Boeing and what he wants now with Ray.

What I want, more than anything, is for this to be about Sand. Ray had his whole epiphany, he knows he's in and he's committed. But Sand hasn't had that. Even now there's a part of him that isn't fully in this thing - hence all the not really responding beyond smiles and shakes of his head when Ray's being ridiculous and calling him boyfriend every five seconds and telling him that he's got a mental rolodex of things about Sand, etc. I don't think it's a Ray issue specifically I think it's because he was all in once and not only did it break apart, but it did so in a horrible way, and even though he's moved on from *Boeing* (sorry but if the show wants me to think that he still loves that man it's doing a horrible job of it), he's not moved on from that pain and disappointment. I would love it Boeing pulls double duty once again and not only tests the foundation in this relationship but also breaks Sand out of that particular barrier.

What happened with Boeing has been, to my mind, woven through so much of this drama that I don't even think we need a flashback here. We don't need to see what their dynamic was like to see why Sand is so fucked up right now - it's all been there from the beginning. Sand put off really dealing with his feelings about what happened with Boeing, and now they're here smirking at him and making a bunch of insinuations that Sand has no real defense against. It's not surprising or confounding to me that Sand is dealing with it by trying his best not to deal with it, or that he wants to keep his new, shiny thing untarnished by the past (even though as I've gone to great pains to point out, it already has been). But he's not going to be able to get away with it this time. He has to deal with it in some way.

Personally I hope he deals with it by braining Boeing with his old guitar, but then I do have a violent streak when it comes to fictional characters.

#only friends #only friends the series #sand ofts #ex trauma man #boeing has been present this entire time #just not physically #which is why now that he is present physically it's fucking sand up #i needed to get this out because it's been bugging me a lot #hopefully now i can enter the last episode a lot more chill #i will defend sand's actions and reactions to the end just watch me

11 notes · View notes

indynerdgirl · 1 year

Text

So you want to write a TopGun fanfic but know absolutely nothing about the US Navy and don't even know where to start looking. You're in luck!

Here are all of the links and notes I've acquired while researching for my own TopGun fanfics. I call this my TopGun Fanfic Writer's Reference Sheet/Info Dump. Hope this helps and happy writing! 😄

Differences Between Navy/Coast Guard Officer Ranks and Army/Air Force/Marine Officer Ranks

There are two other ranks between a Navy Lieutenant and a Navy Captain

A Navy Captain is NOT the same as an Army/Air Force/Marine Captain

A Navy Captain is equivalent to an Army/Air Force/Marine Colonel

Iceman is an Admiral and as such he would be addressed/referred to as 'Admiral Kazansky' or just 'Admiral' (like what Mav calls him when he goes to visit) and NOT 'Commander'.

Simpson (Cyclone) is a Vice Admiral

Bates (Warlock) is a Rear Admiral Upper Half

US Navy's Website - How To Become A Commissioned Naval Officer

Admissions Information/Steps for Applying for the USNA

Info about NROTC - Naval Reserve Officers Training Corps

Info about Naval Officer Candidate School

A Path To Professional Leadership - Becoming A Navy Officer

YouTube Playlist of 50+ Videos With Information Related To Both Top Gun Movies And The Navy In General

Cmdr. Elizabeth Malecha, a Naval Flight Officer, was the first female graduate of Topgun and that wasn’t until 2001.

Cmdr. Becky Calder was the first female pilot to graduate from Topgun and that wasn’t until 2004.

List of currently active United States naval aircraft

Boeing F/A-18E/F Super Hornet Wikipedia Page

How Do You Earn The Coveted Wings of Gold?

Fights On! Podcast - Ep. 1: Wings of Gold (1:47:51) Episode one chronicles the path of naval aviators from college graduate through winging and beyond. Fight’s On! is an eight-episode podcast series about combat aviation training, focusing on how the US takes newly minted Officers and Warrant Officers and molds them into combat aviators able to fight and win in today’s high-tech battlespace.

Told through the stories and experiences of US military aviators in their own voices. Fight’s On! will take the listener on the journey of combat aviators from Initial Flight Training through Advanced Tactical Training and multi-unit exercises, ultimately describing the current and near future systems and programs that will ensure American air dominance into the future. +Listen on Spotify +Listen on Apple Podcasts +Listen on iHeart Podcasts +Listen on PlayerFM United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program aka TOPGUN

DoD - TOPGUN: Edge of Aviation

US Navy Stories - Patch Wearers: The Real TOPGUN Inside The Real TOPGUN Fighter School

The TOPGUN Legacy: Making Maverick with Capt. Brian Ferguson

Aviation Warfare - Overview of Fixed Wing Aircraft from the USNA website

Wikipedia page for the United States Pacific Fleet

Part of the larger Indo-Pacific Command

Garrison/HQ: Naval Station Pearl Harbor

Commander is appointed by the President with Senate advice and consent.

Commander reports to the Secretary of the Navy (administrative), the Chief of Naval Operations (administrative), and the Commander of US Indo-Pacific Command (operational).

Commander term length is approx. 2-3 years.

As of 2011, the Pacific Fleet has authority over: + Numbered Third and Seventh Fleets + Naval Air Force, Pacific + Commander, Naval Surface Forces Pacific + Naval Submarine Force, Pacific Naval shore commands over which USPACFLT has authority: + Commander Naval Forces Korea + Commander Naval Forces Japan + Commander Naval Forces Marianas

List of US Navy Bases - Both Within The US And Abroad

US Navy Careers - Fighter Pilot

Navy Fighter Pilot Lingo

The Fighter Pilot Podcast - Glossary List

The 100+ Most Creative Pilot Callsigns With Explanations

‘Sidewalk,’ ‘Terminally Stupid,’ and ‘Meatloaf’ — How military pilots get their call signs

DoD - Aviator Call Signs: The History & Naming Rituals

Pilot Callsigns - The web's largest collection of callsign stories

USNA - Naval Aviation

In Naval Aviation, captains with sea commands are Naval Aviators or Naval Flight Officers who are commanding officers of aircraft carriers, commanding officers of large-deck air-capable amphibious assault ships, commanders of carrier air wings (CAG), or commodores of functional or "type" air wings or air groups. A smaller cohort outside of sea and shore commands may also serve as astronauts on loan to the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA). [X]

Navy captains who are line officers may also fill senior command and staff positions ashore as Chiefs of Staff/Executive Assistants or senior operations officers to flag officers, or they may hold shore command assignments such as commanding officers of naval bases, naval stations, naval air stations, naval air facilities, naval support activities, logistics groups, specialized centers or schools, or commanders of test wings or training air wings. They may also occupy senior leadership positions on fleet staffs, naval component commands staffs, the staffs of the joint Unified Combatant Commands, the staff of the Chief of Naval Operations (OPNAV), or the Joint Staff. [X]

Promotion to captain is governed by DoD policies derived from the Defense Officer Personnel Management Act (DOPMA) of 1980 or its companion Reserve Officer Personnel Management Act (ROPMA). DOPMA/ROPMA guidelines suggest that no more than 50% of eligible commanders should be promoted to captain after serving a minimum of three years at their present rank and after attaining 21–23 years of cumulative commissioned service, although this percentage may be appreciably less, contingent on force structure and the needs of the service. With very few exceptions, such as Naval Aviator Astronaut and Naval Flight Officer Astronaut, unrestricted line officer captains in the Navy will have successfully completed at least one commanding officer assignment at the commander (O-5) level (an aviation squadron for Naval Aviators and Naval Flight Officers) before being selected for promotion to captain. All those selected to the rank of captain by the U.S. Navy are confirmed by the United States Senate. [X]

youtube

An Idiot’s Guide To What Service Members Are Called In Every Branch

...Or you can just keep calling all the Marines soldiers. They secretly love it. Have you ever accidentally called a Marine “Soldier?” The look they gave you probably had you fearing for your life.

We know that trying to remember what to call the members of each military branch can get kind of confusing. Never fear! We’re here to help. This video guide will assure that you’re never in danger of being beat up by a Marine again (at least not for this reason).

This is why Navy pilots prefer to be called ‘naval aviators’

At some time in our military careers, we come across pilots of all sorts, helicopter pilots, Air Force cargo pilots, Navy fighter pilots, etc. While the former two might allow you to refer to them as simply “pilots,” there’s a good chance the naval aviator will take the time to remind you that he or she is an “aviator,” not a pilot.

And there’s a very good, non-egotistical reason for that. We promise.

For hundreds of years before navies around the world were flying jet-powered aircraft off the decks of massive floating cities, “pilots” were operating in navies long before ships had engines that weren’t powered by wind or slaves. In those terms, a pilot is specially qualified to drive a ship in and out of a specific port or a specific area. For large ships, this pilot is someone from outside, who literally comes into your boat and drives it into the harbor because he or she knows the area better than anyone else.

The pilot will roll up next to your ship aboard a pilot boat, which carries the pilot in a boat, one marked “pilot boat.” And those poor guys have to climb up the side of your ship just to park it for you. Both naval aviators and maritime pilots have a hard job that allows for zero error – so call them whatever they want.

#Top Gun #Top Gun Maverick #Top Gun: Maverick #writing #fanfiction #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick fanfiction #for future reference #writing references #TGM #my post #topgun #topgun maverick #topgun: maverick #topgun fanfiction #topgun maverick fanfiction #tgm fanfiction #info dump

60 notes · View notes