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fallenmonsters · 2 years

Text

not together.

summary ➳ for four times, you and ren had to shut down rumors of you dating each other. by the fifth time, though, the two of you had to shut it down for a whole different reason.

pairings ➳ ren renrawin aira x male reader

warnings ➳ fluff, angst, foul language, teasing from everyone, best friends to lovers, renrawin aira is hot (as expected), arranged marriage but with consent, tooth rotting sweetness, soft ren, reader being extremely sweet-tooth (always eating sweets), jealousy, mention of same sex marriage not being allowed, insecurity, gender envy (?), drinking, istg it’s happy ending

author’s note ➳ still confused how gorya chose the too many red flags half american dude over the walking green flag ren, but that’s the original plot so it’s not like i can complain. i’d fucking kneel for ren anyday— 🧎🏻

(f/d) = favorite dish. (f/f) = favorite flavor. (y/f/n) = your father’s name.

𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

Gorya watched you and Ren talk to each other at the second floor of Köcher High’s canteen from the first floor, the two of you sitting on the brown couch that F4 always uses, seemingly minding your own business. However, to everyone witnessing your interaction together didn’t think of it that way.

To them, it looked like you and Ren are in your own world where no other people are visible except the other. Freaking out over things as small as that is quite ridiculous, but Gorya found herself unable to disagree with them, because you really looked like you’re in your own world. Setting it aside, another thing that made Gorya unable to disagree with them was how close you were sitting from each other — Ren’s shoulder was touching yours as he was practically glued to your side, faces only inches away, and not only are both of you unbothered, but even dared leaning in a few times to whisper in the other’s ear when there’s something to say despite the amount of space left to laze around.

Understandably, everyone saw all the whispering and chuckling among yourselves as flirty gestures, which is why none of them could keep themselves from glancing at you two with question after question rising in their heads. Even Gorya, who’s been hanging out with F4 for more than few months now, was questioning your relationship as it seems both platonic and romantic at the same time, and no one could really figure out whether you liked each other or not. She didn’t know if your relationship also confused other F4 members; they were never vocal about their confusion about it.

Gorya was supposed to be joining you and Ren over the couch, but couldn’t make an attempt to walk upstairs and risk herself becoming a third wheel. Your conversation within yourselves is always something that other people doesn’t understand or can’t catch up to — sometimes, you’ll even throw in some inside jokes that left even the other F4 members confused. Everyone who’s around you two feels very out of place despite your attempts at conversing with them as well; you and Ren often holds this silent conversation through eye contact that unintentionally made anyone a third wheel.

It’s better to be alone than be a third wheel to more than friends but less than lovers partners.

Deciding to focus on her lunch instead, Gorya shakes her head at herself for being so curious of your relationship more than she should be and begins to eat in comfortable silence, occasionally stealing glances at the both of you to find you still in your own world. She wondered if you or Ren ever asked yourselves why it’s taking so long for other members to arrive, but then, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise either if you were completely fine ‘cause you’ve got more time to spend with each other without having to pay attention to somebody else. Not that you thought Thyme, Kavin and MJ any less; they’re your best friends and you’ll do anything for them, it’s just that your and Ren’s bond simply cannot be compared to anyone’s.

Squeals erupting from the girls nearby forced Gorya to lift her head up and see what they were freaking out over again, and raised her brows in both surprise and interest when she was met with the sight of Ren gently trailing his hand on your face. Starting from your forehead, slowly down to your eyebrows and tracing them each, then from the bridge to the tip of your nose, to your closed eyes, to each of your cheeks, dropping at your jaw, before going over to trace your lips too. Such a soft yet intimate gesture no friends would ever give each other. At least, not those who consider each other entirely platonic.

Ren had his eyes on you the entire time, following his hand everywhere it went. But everyone in the canteen noticed how he swallowed and flashed them a sight of his wet muscle as he wet his lips when he was tracing your lips, hidden desire flaming in his strong yet tender gaze. You still had your eyes closed, unaware of the boy’s growing urge to kiss you, almost innocent.

When you opened your eyes all of a sudden, Ren forced himself to break out of the bubble of desires he unknowingly surrounded himself in, holding eye contact with you for a few more moments before moving his hand up to ruffle your hair and mess it up in attempt to hide the heat forming on his cheeks. You laughed (not a sound anyone can hear often with your colder than ice personality, mind you. Ren seems to be the only one who could actually make you laugh) and shoved him away playfully, causing the same sound to leave Ren’s lips too. Complains spilled from your pouting lips as you attempt to fix your ruined hair, all jokes and playful, and Ren shakes his head at you with a biggest smile anyone had ever seen him have.

That was an adorable moment, which unfortunately increased the curiosity most people have regarding your relationship. And there isn’t anything wrong with being curious or interested, but sometimes it’s bad to vocalize it because it can break the atmosphere anyone previously had, especially when expressing curiosity about one’s privacy; love life.

“P’Ren, P’(Y/n), are you two dating?”

Gorya wanted to smack the living shit out of the girl who questioned, or moreover, squealed out.

The smile on both of your faces fell almost immediately as you and Ren turn sharply to give her a look, one that Gorya could read as mixture of none of your business, annoyance, who the hell are you?, and read the room. It makes the girl flinch, her previous smile dropping to be replaced by a look of confusion and fright.

The question undoubtedly made both of you annoyed, not because it’s often being thrown at you but because of its irrelevance. Ren didn’t know why people were so curious whether you two were together or not. You didn’t know why they kept asking things that doesn’t concern them in any way. So understandably, you two were annoyed that your only comfortable intimate moment was cut short by just some random chick hoping to get fed with an update to her newly found reality drama.

Neither of you ever responded to the rumors or anyone asking about your relationship before, shrugging them off your shoulders without a word everytime it was brought up, but you couldn’t help but have a say in this moment since the atmosphere you’ve created for one another has been demolished by a complete outsider.

“No, the fuck we’re not. Is that the answer you were hoping for?” You spoke rather rudely, one arm resting on the back of the couch as your other hand was grabbed by Ren to rub it soothingly, in hopes of calming your annoyance down. It did work, but you still had your eyes glaring strongly at the girl.

The whole cafeteria went silent. You’ve only ever been cold yet calm all this time; the one who always outwardly spoke rudely or was in any way aggressive was Thyme out of F4, though he slowly grew softer after meeting Gorya, so seeing you like this intimidated and quite frightened them a lot. Thyme was the only one they feared before because of other members being chill including you, but now, they certainly had you to be afraid of. Thyme’s wrath used to be the worst thing they believed in. Not so much after they saw the clear disdain and irritation in your eyes.

Ren didn’t seem to be fazed by your answer as you turn and lean back on the couch, focusing your attention on his hand squeezing yours repeatedly. A gesture he always used when he wanted you to pay no mind to anyone else but him. You squeezed back without much deeper thought and generally felt a smile appear on his ethereal face, followed by a soft chuckle you got accustomed on hearing over the past years you’ve known him.

Subconsciously, a smile tugged at the corner of your lips as he let go of your hand to grab his sketchpad and pen that were left on the couch by his side the moment you sat beside him. Ren was actually drawing you before your comforting presence joined him, which is why he had been touching your face couple of minutes ago to be able to draw your face better and as perfect as he could. You deserve a professionally and perfectly drawn portrait, not a half-assed shits amateur artists create.

Watching him return to his sketchpad while occasionally glancing up at your face, you shake your head with a smile before reaching over to the table to take a strawberry flavored macaron from the sweets-filled golden plate.

“What was my sweetheart in french again?”

You groaned at the question and leaned back, letting your head drop on the back of the brown leather couch, and stuffed the strawberry macaron into your mouth. “Ren, as much as I love you using french, I’d prefer you using our own language.” Your voice came muffled due to the currently being eaten sweets.

He laughs, “How about Teerak then?”

Holding a thumbs up, you simply worked on chewing and swallowing the macaron without uttering a word.

“Okay. Teerak, it is.”

Ren was glad you pretended not to notice his smile turning into a happy and satisfied grin of getting to write the endearment on the upper side of your portrait he drew, or the fact that he directed it to you.

𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

Being one of the influential family in Thailand, your parents including you to their business matters was inevitable. You were given the responsibility to handle many of the (L/n) charity events, where you attempt to make improvements regarding any type of issues in Thailand, such as helping PWD get a job easier, donating a lot of things to orphanages, opening a specific hospital for those that lacks financially, signing petitions, helping to create a safe place for people from LGBTQIA+ community— basically doing things other influential people had never done nor considered to.

Your parents only entrusted you with the charity events and gave you permission to do whatever you want as long as it benefitted everyone or even Thailand itself (they made you swear you’re not going to abuse the power); neither of them had let a word slip of what you should or shouldn’t be doing, because they knew better than anyone you’re intelligent enough to have already figured out what to do, they honestly didn’t even have to say a word. And needless to say, you were damn good at everything. You definitely knew what to do for charities — you knew giving money and donating aren’t just what charity events are.

So understandably, you were extremely busy. Sometimes, there are days you can’t even go to Köcher because of anything, everything you were doing and still wanted to do, but the teachers and your friends understood.

Ren understood it more than anyone, as expected, but as he sits with his friends in a restaurant inside the mall they’ve been shopping at non-stop, he can’t help but miss your presence pretty badly. He was sitting beside MJ and Aum while the other four, Thyme, Gorya, Kavin and Kaning respectively in that order, sat on the opposite booth. There isn’t particularly anything to make him miss you so much since none of them thankfully fell into a lovey-dovey act and he hasn’t yet to experience being a fifth wheel, but just seeing F4 with their own lovers did that trick more than it should.

Usually, plastering on a poker face is what Ren is extremely good at. With his calm and collected demeanor, accompanied by the ability to not let his emotions get the best of him, he was practically the master of hiding what he felt behind neutral look and expressionless mask. He was good at pushing his emotions back down and stepping on them, turning them as good as nothing, as if they never once flowed through his body. However, when you’re in the picture, Ren seems to lose his title as the master. Everything he’s been holding back all this time explodes in places, whether it be seen through his eyes, facial expression, body language, or the way he speaks. It’s like your existence is all it takes for his poker face to come off naturally, never sticking back onto his face again as long as you’re near.

It got to the point his usual demeanor collapses just by thinking about you.

No one knows why he seems to be frightened of stepping from the line of friends over to lovers, why you seemed to be terrified of admitting whatever you felt for each other. Perhaps, being inseparable best friends should’ve explained that well more than anything— but really, how in the hell are you two blind at the same time and unable to see the way you behave around each other?

“Here are the beef steak and french fries. We’ll bring the last of your orders as soon as possible.” The waitress professionally informs the group when Kavin and MJ took the served foods from her with polite smiles on their faces, slightly bowing her head in respect before walking away to take orders from another table.

They had been eating and talking for about two hours now, their table littered with many dishes which had been previously ordered the moment everyone settled themselves comfortably on their seats. The beef steak and french fries are two to the last orders they had, Aum digging for the steak almost instantly while Thyme begins to shove one fries after another into his mouth like a child, with Gorya laughing at his childishness.

Ren shakes his head, smile across his lips. He did miss you a lot, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t enjoy being with his friends, especially now that three girls got added to their inner circle (you were already sort of a member of F4 before the whole thing with Gorya). Though, it’ll certainly be better if you were here. A ding erupts from his phone that was resting above the table and Ren doesn’t think for a second to check, eyes brightening immediately after realizing you’re the one who sent a text.

『 How’s the outing going? Hope you’re not having too much fun without me ;) 』

Completely letting go of his emotions, happiness clouds the air around him as he types out a reply, mood striking high off the ceiling and eyes focusing entirely on the screen of his phone. Almost automatically, everyone shifts their gaze towards him in sync at his sudden giddiness and the warmth as well as joy beginning to practically radiate from him. As expected, it was quick for them to figure out you’re the cause behind a sound of notification that almost never goes on no matter the hell Ren was doing.

『 Pretty fun, so far. It feels like something’s missing without you, though. I miss you. 』

『 Miss you too :( Don’t worry, I’ll be able to hang out with you guys soon. I’ll update you every three hours, okay? 』

『 You don’t have to if you can’t. I’ll be fine :) 』

『 I do what I want. You have no say in it, Ren 』

A very entertained and amused chuckle erupted from his throat at your bossy reply. At a time like this when you handle things in your family’s business, you get bossy sometimes without meaning to, but it isn’t the kind that makes Ren annoyed. He found it adorable, actually, since you seem to only boss him around and not anyone else.

His laugh definitely caused a curiosity to rise within his friends as everyone looked at MJ and Kavin nodded his head towards Ren, silently asking him to peek over the phone. The mafia’s son nods in acceptance of his request, slowly but unnoticeably leaning his body on Ren’s direction and tilting his head back a little in effort to read the messages. His eyes quickly scanned the screen before straightening his posture again, meeting their questioning gazes. He mouths your name as confirmation to all of their previous internal guess.

Once it was confirmed, everyone nods in sync with a smile spreading across their faces, except Aum who still wasn’t used to your and Ren’s behavior towards each other. She got added to the inner circle only recently, so there were many questions forming in her mind about this whole friendship as well as Ren’s relationship with you, but hadn’t yet to develop the courage to ask anything in fear of saying something that could offend anyone. She didn’t know the line she shouldn’t cross, being new and all, and it was better to not risk anything than risk anything at all.

As they went back to eating and talking with one another about basically random topics, Ren continues to talk to you through his phone for few more minutes before you had to leave because of another duty. Every single one of his friends, even those who aren’t the closest to him, doesn’t forget to leave him alone all the time whenever your presence is recognized by him in any way, sort of accepting the fact that you always comes first to Ren no matter what.

“What did (Y/n) say?” Kaning vocalizes her question after Ren placed his phone back on the table to continue eating.

Out of F4 and their infamous best friend who never wanted to be apart of them despite being equally close to them, Kaning preferred you the most, even before she met any of you because of Gorya’s description that you were the kindest although your cold demeanor overlooked that. And much to her surprise, you became her boy best-best friend after getting to know each other.

A smile immediately dances across Ren’s lips, remembering your conversation. “He’s still busy, apparently. But he’ll make time to update me every three hours. I said he didn’t have to, but (Y/n) shut me down with his usual I don’t get to have a say in it. Pretty bossy, if you ask me.” He complained, but the look on his face said otherwise.

Thyme chuckled, “You love it when he bosses you around though. Don’t you, you punk?” Playfully kicking Ren under the table, he earns a soft laughter from the said male as Gorya and MJ smiles teasingly at him.

“You don’t have the right to tease me, Thyme. Gorya has you completely wrapped around her fingers.”

The Paramaanantra’s jaw drops at that, eyes widening and seemingly offended, before going through his usual childish denial. “That’s not true! I mean, I do anything for her but I’m not like you who likes being bossed around, I’d rather be the one to boss her around.” He rambled, making Gorya give him a look. “And she does everything I ask so as a matter of fact, she’s the one wrapped around my fingers, Ren. Not the other way around.” Uttering them with absolute confidence, Thyme crossed both arms over his chest as he leans back on the chair, cocky smirk adorning his face.

The others watched in amusement, knowing all too well how Gorya manages to beat him up whenever he got on her nerves. As expected, she rolled her eyes at his cockiness before stomping her foot to step on Thyme’s, causing him to cry out in pain immediately and hold his foot.

“What was that for!?”

“You deserved it, man.” MJ pointed a finger at him with a laughter as if to emphasize his point.

Ren shakes his head at their playful banter, smiling at the waitress when the last of their orders came through. “Uh- excuse me. can I also order a (f/d) with takeout, please?” He ordered without looking back at the menus, almost automatically.

The waitress nods her head. “Shall I include plastic utensils as well?”

“No, no need for that. Thank you.”

Not a question fell anyone’s lips of who Ren ordered the food for as they kept having fun. Even though Aum wasn’t used to the way you and Ren behave with each other, she knew the takeout was for you, since MJ had informed her beforehand that there’ll be times when Ren looks like he treats you more special than them. It doesn’t take a smarthead to realize this is what he was talking about.

Soon enough, their fun afternoon hours near the end as the plates become empty, and all of them eventually found themselves exiting the restaurant with full stomachs, content and happy. Kavin and Kaning doesn’t waste time to hold hands as soon as they got out, being the most affectionate couple.

One of Ren’s hands moved to shove itself into the pocket of his light colored trousers, subconsciously finding the warmth of your hand or your warmth in general, the other holding the takeout. Ren doubts you miss him as much as he does, but comparing it doesn’t really seem like a good thing, since you both missed each other the same. Times like this reminds him of how the two of you act like lovers when in reality, neither of you are brave enough to cross the line of well-developed, healthy friendship. He was afraid of destroying his only comfort zone just because of stupid feelings; losing you will crumble his world down and might pull at his sanity, so it’s way better staying as your more than best friend than becoming a complete stranger.

“Oh, Ren!” His name falling from Kavin’s mouth snaps him out of his plaguing thoughts, and he turns to look at the former playboy questioningly. “Do you have anywhere else to go? We all went to places we wanted, it’s your turn to pick now.”

“Alice in Sweetsland.” The title of your favorite sweets and desserts shop slipped past Ren’s lips before he could process, making even him slightly surprised at how his body seems to have a mind of its own whenever he thinks about you — it just wants to do anything that makes you smile or happy. But then, Ren himself also wants to do that.

Fuck. He really does like you, doesn’t he?

Ignoring the teasing look Kavin shot him at his quick response, Ren calmly proceeds to walk towards the direction of the shop followed by his friends, hearing Thyme’s complains of how his teeth hurts just from thinking about that store because of how the entire place was literally packed with any kind of sweets from all around the world.

As soon as all of them walked past the cutely decorated entrance of the store, they were greeted by a woman dressed in suits. “Mr. Aira, welcome back! You brought your friends today.” She greeted cheerfully with a polite and kind smile. Gorya, Kaning and Aum looks around in awe, suddenly feeling out of place with how expensive everything looked, eyes twinkling brightly due to the sight of many sweets.

“Ah, yes. No (Y/n) for today.” Ren smiled as she automatically takes the takeout from him to place inside a small locker, where all belongings aside from bags occupied the locked sections. He’s been a regular customer since he was only ten years old — his parents allowing him to buy things for you, knowing you love sweets and desserts. They might’ve been aware of his feelings for you too, maybe that’s why they let him spoil you rotten at such a young age.

The woman chuckles, “Sir, all of the sellers are aware that you only come here to buy sweets for Mr. (L/n). That trick doesn’t work on any of us.”

Ren chuckles in response, grabs a basket, before walking at a certain direction to where macarons are, already familiar of what kind of sweets are in every section. Each couples decide to explore the store and find sweets they like, scattering around with a quick wave of the hand, Thyme and Kavin and MJ wanting to buy any for their girlfriends.

Placing the large box of macarons into the basket, Ren moves to the next section where desserts are stored in a plastic cup container, picking out ones you would like. You’re not a picky eater when it comes to sweets/desserts, so he quickly chose five mango graham float and five oreo float as his picks. Walking further, he came across a cookie section, where he takes different kinds of cookies each in a box without looking at the price and place them inside his basket. This — moving from one section to another and set his picks down in the basket — continued on for a while until he settles himself beside Aum, who seemed to be having a hard time choosing a cake.

“You don’t have to think about the price, you know.” Reminded Ren, making Aum shift her gaze to him. “MJ wants you to buy your favorite cake that you’ll enjoy eating. He really doesn’t care about how much it costs.”

She sighs, “I know... I’m just not used to it yet, I guess.”

“Well, maybe it’s about time you get used to it.” He concluded, crouching a little as his finger traced along the glass while picking your favorite flavor. “All of us are kind of the same, we want to spoil our loved ones. Except for Thyme ‘cause he sucks at this.” Chuckling in amusement, he straightened his posture to order the (f/f) cake.

Aum smiles tightly, contemplating whether to ask him or not. Though, MJ told her Ren wouldn’t mind getting any questions, so she pushed the words out of her mouth. “Hey, uh... Can I ask about you and (Y/n)?” She hesitantly begins.

“Sure.” He waved as gesture for her to shoot her question.

“Are you two, like... dating each other?”

Ren paused, only about a split second, and turned to look at her with soft eyes. “No, we’re just... closer than best friends.” There was a hint of pain in his tone, which didn’t go unnoticed by Aum, who looks surprised.

“I thought you two were dating.”

“Yeah, so did everyone else.” A sad smile spreads across his lips. “I don’t think we’ll ever cross that line. I’m not brave enough to destroy our friendship for my feelings, and he only reciprocates how I treat him, not because he feels that way about me too.”

Without thinking further, Aum places her hand on his shoulder comfortingly, a soft smile on her face. “Ren, I know it’s scary, but it’s better to try telling him than regret not telling him. You won’t know what will happen without trying.” She gave him a light squeeze before pulling away and going back on choosing a cake.

Different thoughts filled Ren’s mind, one hand shoving inside his pocket again.

Aum was right, but how was he supposed to do that when there’s a possibility you’ll stop smiling for him — to him, after confessing his feelings?

After receiving the cake she just ordered, the girl gives him an encouraging smile before making her way over to MJ, who was watching their interaction quietly from the side. As much as he wanted to be the one to remind that relief is better than regret, Ren is quite stubborn when it comes to his own feelings; the type who’d rather take his secret to the grave than reveal it at all. Ren needs someone who isn’t the very closest to him, someone who is new yet managed to notice everything that’s going on between you and him.

Aum practically volunteered to be that position.

“He’s afraid of ruining his friendship with (Y/n), but none of us knows what’ll happen until he tries, right?” The girl said, handing the chosen cake to her boyfriend.

MJ nodded with a subtle proud smile spreading across his lips, “Right. I don’t think it’ll take long for him to realize they’re meant to be together, though. The whole universe is practically on their side; only an idiot wouldn’t notice that.”

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

Even after it’s been a week and three days since the last you spent time with Ren and the group, you suddenly started to believe taking a break from business and hanging out with them was a bad idea — especially when Ren’s attention is solely focused on the unknown girl as of the moment, as if you weren’t there. Thyme and Gorya keeps glancing at your way worriedly because of the sudden silence that consumed you. It isn’t unusual that you’re quiet; you’ve been like that since you were a kid accompanied by coldness and an intimidating resting bitch face, and you often ignored the people around except F4. But it is unusual for you to be so quiet when Ren is just within your reach.

The girl was a kind person, you can easily see it through her politeness towards everyone and how she treats the servants in this party your parents threw as a way to congratulate you for the success of helping many residents in Thailand. Which is why when you saw signs of her subtly flirting with Ren, such as the light ‘accidental’ touching, the light laughs that sounds obviously forced, the non-stop blinking of her eyes which almost made her look like she got something on them, and the once-in-a-while flirtatious tone she uses to talk, you can’t do or say anything to make her stop. She was a good person, also a kind one at that, and you felt bad about ripping her chance to shreds by interrupting and stealing Ren away.

And who are you to do that, anyway? Best friend? Closest friend? Family friend? Less than lover soulmate? None of them gave you the right to interrupt them.

What hurt you was the fact you can’t help but realize they look good together. They fit well and got along perfectly fine, the girl is as nice as Ren which says a lot, and she was a woman. A woman who’s allowed by your country itself to get married to a man — a woman who’s actually capable of starting a family, if Ren asks for it. If Ren falls in love with her. Everything is a big ifs and whatnot, but you were certain she could make him feel content than you ever could. You were certain he’ll be happy with her, if they end up falling in love with each other.

Your heart ached at the thought, wetting your lips anxiously and averting your eyes from them in a quick motion, instead settling to stare at your half-empty glass on the high rise table. Your parents were considerate enough to prepare ordinary round tables by the dining area and high rise tables and chairs by the bar to fit the atmosphere, knowing you preferred high rise ones when drinking. The high rise tables were big enough for your group, which is how you all managed to sit by one another, but it left an empty seat beside Ren who was sitting in front of you and the girl took that spot since she already knew him.

It’s almost a fucking torture, having to see her flirting with the boy you were crushing on, but there’s nothing you can do.

You fiddled with your hands below the table.

Insecurities begin to bubble within you, an occurrence that always seems to happen when someone’s interested in Ren, especially if that someone’s a female. When it’s a male, you wouldn’t have trouble stepping up and stealing him away immediately, but when a female comes, you always find yourself holding back, overthinking, assuming perhaps Ren liked their attention deep down. Your confidence crumbles until there’s nothing left, self-consciousness starts to haunt you like the Boogeyman, doubt of self-worth boils in your chest. Even though you absolutely liked him romantically, and you’re confident that he could never replace you in his life, the existence of women pulls you down to the mud. It keeps you there, screaming he’ll never like you the way you do, because you’re not a woman.

Ren had never confirmed his sexuality, but somehow, you can’t stop yourself from thinking you’ll never be good enough as long as you’re a man. And it utterly shattered your heart. Made it throb painfully, like it was being crushed with bare hands.

As if that wasn’t enough, the girl uttered a question you heard almost a hundred times before that both you and Ren turned down without much thought. “Tell me honestly, Ren. Are you and (Y/n) dating?”

Ren chuckles, shaking his head. “No, we’re not. You already know we’re just closer than normal best friends.”

His response was what the two of you have been telling everyone all this time and shouldn’t have hurt you that much. However, with all the vulnerability, insecurity, overthinking, self-doubt, overwhelming feelings of missing Ren, and other bunch of fucking bullshit piling up after another in your body, you couldn’t help the sharp inhale of breath when a pain suddenly pierced your chest. Unbelievably, it made the back of your eyes sting too, with tears beginning to well up, slowly blurring your vision. Your lip quivered.

Thyme, who was paying attention to you ever since Ren became busy with the girl, immediately took notice of your state and nudged Kavin with his foot, careful not to touch the wrong person’s. Kavin looks at you when Thyme nodded his head at your direction, and worry clouds his face in an instant. “(Y/n), are you okay?” The former playboy asked in a whisper. Kaning hears it from beside him and peeks to see your trembling form, concern plastering her face.

You sniffled, clearing your throat and blinking rapidly to force the tears back. “Uh- Yeah, yeah, I’m—” A short laugh was forced out of your throat, “Why wouldn’t I be? I just, uh- I think I need a moment alone.” You don’t wait for a response before spinning on your chair and abruptly pushing yourself off to let your feet land on the floor, beginning to walk off.

Almost instantly, Ren realized you were walking away and pulled his attention away from the girl. “(Y/n)? Where are you going?”

“Nowhere.” You stopped to answer without looking back. His brows furrowed quickly at the cold tone you used, unnerved by the sudden change of your treatment, and opened his mouth halfway to question more before being interrupted by your firm voice, “Don’t follow me. I want to be alone.” He shuts his mouth with a hurt and disbelieving look on his face.

Feeling his eyes pierce the back of your head, you continued to walk away from the party outside the balcony, where you could breathe a fresh air and let the pain in your heart calm down, at least for a while. You’re not used to avoiding Ren and it honestly hurt to say those words to him, but this was better than be there and torture yourself by watching them interact. You shouldn’t make it obvious that you’re jealous and hurt everytime a woman flirts with him, yet at the same time, you knew there’s no reason to be. Being Ren’s best friend doesn’t mean you have the right to get jealous or be hurt when he seems to be close at finding love.

You desperately wanted to be happy for him. They’re not together, but soon enough, Ren will find someone to spend the rest of his life with. Someone who’ll be there for him, take care of him, hang out with him, love him. Someone who deserves his love. You wanted to— have to learn to be happy for him.

But, as much as you hope it will be easy, you knew deep down it won’t be.

Fuck, Ren is your everything, for god’s sake. He was your happiness, a motivation, an inspiration, the will to keep going with your life, the light to your darkness, the one keeping you from losing yourself. He was your soulmate that the universe let you choose on your own — and it also cruelly let him choose his on his own.

How are you supposed to learn and practice to be happy for him if your world literally revolves around him?

How are you supposed to live if Ren ends up choosing someone that isn’t you? It hurt too much to think, but thinking is as far as you can do because oftentimes, destiny is not on your side. Neither are luck, fortune, nor fate, and nothing else can be done to change that.

Gripping the railing until knuckles turned white, you fought the tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

You shouldn’t have finished your charity business if this was what you were coming back to.

The group that fell into awkward silence after your departure find annoyance growing within everyone — including Gorya, Kaning and Aum — as the girl attempts to catch Ren’s attention again by starting a conversation, which isn’t supposed to be a bad thing, only if she picked the right words to speak.

“It’s okay, P’Ren. Just leave him be. He’s always alone anyway.”

Thyme scowled at that. You’re never alone, Ren’s always with you and even if he wasn’t there, they were. Your friends were. Kavin and MJ exchanged a look as they internally agreed with each other that this girl were feigning kindness to get what she want, to make everyone assume she was this sweet girl who deserves to be loved, specifically by Ren— but the two male felt it to be more than just that, like she knew you would react negatively to her presence in this table and triggered your emotions purposely to get you out of the picture. She made you believe she deserves Ren more than you do.

Gorya, Kaning and Aum frowns in sync. Their eyes usually holding softness and tenderness were now glaring calmly at her, a sudden urge to be defensive of their boy best-best friend slowly bubbling within their bodies as they feel threatened by the girl. You’ve been like a protective older brother to them ever since your first meet with each other, and felt equally protective of you as you are of them.

Snapping his gaze towards the girl, Ren immediately avoids her hand that raised to touch his shoulder and scoots his chair away after realizing how close they were, her shoulder just barely touching his. Did you get upset by their close proximity? Were you jealous? Were you angry that he wasn’t paying attention to you at all? Now that he thinks about what could’ve gone so wrong that made you walk out, plenty of them appeared in his mind one by one and every single one of them made him curse himself. You must’ve felt hurt that your best friend was ignoring you, even if it was unintentional.

Since the day at Alice in Sweetsland where he was encouraged by the least person he expected to get encouragement from, he’s been thinking about you ten times more than before. It’s gradually getting worse and his feelings were becoming increasingly difficult to ignore or push aside, growing as each day passes even though he’s been deprived of your presence for a week and three days. You always plagued his thoughts wherever he goes; everyday, Ren was starting to have a hard time pretending to just be platonic best friends with you and it caused him to be a bit vulnerable. He didn’t know if he could contain himself once he sees you again, and after seeing you today with those fucking suits on that made you even more attractive than you already were, Ren was certain almost immediately he won’t last long. As simple as looking at you will make something inside him snap and do something he’ll definitely regret, so a very simple idea crossed his mind— try not to look at you for the entire day.

Therefore, Ren talking to the girl was just him attempting to not fall for you more than he already was. He honestly had no care to what she was saying; talking to her only caused his mind to replace her with you, as if you were the one speaking with him and not this girl he couldn’t even be bothered to know the name of, then you suddenly gave him the cold shoulder and walked away, and he caught glimpse of a tear escaping from the corner of your eyes, and— shit, he fucked up, didn’t he?

With realization plastered on his face, Ren turns to look at his friends for confirmation. No words had to be said for them to understand what was in his mind as they don’t hesitate to give him a nod, which sent Ren to practically shoot up from the chair and run off to find you, attention no longer on the girl beside him.

“You should probably leave,” Kaning was the first to speak as soon as Ren was out of sight. The three F4 raised their brows in surprise at her cold and sharp tone that had a hint of disdain, directed at the attention-seeker. “None of us think you belong here.”

“Especially after what you did.” The next was Aum, whose gaze was piercing right through her soul, protectiveness making its appearance.

Gorya honestly thought it’s unnecessary and not right to gang up on her, but she would never hesitate to defend you from a bitch like that. “Making him doubt himself by doing things to trigger it is really a shitty thing to do. I’m sorry to say this, but Ren wasn’t interested in you nor anything you said. He was just using you to push aside his feelings for (Y/n), and that’s bad, but I think you kind of deserve it with the way you tried to treat (Y/n).” Everyone’s eyes widened at the harshness of her words and expected her to feel guilty right after uttering them, but she seems to hold her ground as she stared coldly at the girl.

Uncomfortable and hurt by each of the clear unacceptance by the whole group, tears filled her eyes before she leaves without another word, thankfully seeing the signs she didn’t belong within their inner circle. Relief flooded everyone as soon as her presence was no longer near.

Not wanting to waste an opportunity to tease his girlfriend, Thyme wraps an arm around Gorya’s shoulders as a proud and smug look appeared on his face. “That was really harsh, Gorya. You sure you don’t want to go apologize to her?”

She lightly shoved him away, but not enough to separate them, and smiled. “I don’t think I have to apologize for saying the truth, but I admit it came out harsher than intended.” Her lips form a pout, “It just made me upset that she was in the way of (Y/n) and Ren finally getting together. I’ve been rooting for them since the beginning.” A sigh escapes.

MJ leans in with a teasing look, together with Kavin who had a teasing smirk as well. “Didn’t you have a crush on Ren back then?” The former playboy questioned playfully.

Her eyes immediately sends them a glare. “No, that was only for like a day before I met (Y/n).”

“Well, don’t we all root for them to get together?” Aum asks rhetorically, already knowing the answer. “I think we don’t have to worry that much anymore.”

Everyone immediately nods at that, no doubts filling their mind. Your feelings for each other are freeing itself from the chains you use to hold it down, wanting to be expressed and be known. It’s only a matter of time before they explode and push you both to confess to each other. Just a little more wait.

𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

On second thought, everyone had to worry that much about it.

A defeated sigh erupts in the living room of Aira residence every five minutes, accompanied by the constant dialing sound coming from Ren’s phone on speaker mode. Kavin and MJ shares a look with each other from across their troubled friend as they stood there, arms crossed above their chests, before shifting their gaze back to Ren, who was holding a half empty glass to his lips and drinking whiskey. After few more seconds, the dialing finally comes to stop and a robotic voice calls out from the screen, “Sorry, the number you dialled cannot be reached. Please try again later, or leave a—” It didn’t get to finish as Ren tapped the red button.

With a frustrated groan, he slammed his glass on the table and ignored the way Kavin and MJ flinched at the loud sound, burying his face in his hands. He’s been trying to call you for three days now, all which ended in going straight to voicemail with no signs of being answered. Ever since the incident at the party, you’ve been avoiding Ren like the plague for five days and doing a damn great job at not running into him anywhere, even at those places he knew you loved. For two days, Ren tried talking to you in person with everything he can, only to fail miserably, so he didn’t have any other options but to call your number, which is yet to succeed even after three days.

Everyone quickly picked up on what was happening and drew the line when all of them witnessed you leaving after someone announced Ren’s arrival was nearing. With Ren asking for you and his mood obviously dropping almost six feet under after hearing you left, they were all certain you’ve decided to avoid him, much to their surprise. Which then leads to Gorya, the captain of getting you two together, commanding Kavin and MJ to look after Ren while she and Thyme checks up on you. Both the playboy and mafia’s son didn’t mind helping Ren— they actually wanted to, but seeing what kind of state he’s in right now after arriving to his house made them reconsider if they still wanted to help.

Everything was a fucking mess. Nearly three liquor bottles laid on the floor and two other were on the coffee table, one already half empty. Drawing and painting tools were scattered around as a canvas stood not far from him, painted with a portrait of you. His sketchbook laid on the couch untouched, as if it hasn’t been used for so long. Ren himself was... well, obviously a mess, but still looking as clean and indie as ever. It appears he’s still pushing to take care of himself even though anything else is a mess. The only problem was he’s drinking heavily, which is very unlike Renrawin Aira.

“This is gonna be harder than we thought.” Muttered MJ, watching Ren rub his face before reaching over to chug the rest of the remaining whiskey in his glass down his throat. Despite the three empty bottles laid carelessly on the floor and half empty bottle above the table, Ren didn’t seem drunk at all, just dejected as he keeps sighing in defeat. He probably didn’t drink them all in one day; no matter what, he was always a responsible drinker and stopped before he could get drunk.

Kavin nods from beside MJ, uncrossing his arms to shove both hands inside the pockets of his trousers instead. “I honestly didn’t know he could drink this much though. (Y/n) really makes Ren do something he usually doesn’t, huh?” He couldn’t help the amusement that appeared across his face.

MJ hums in agreement before walking over and lightly patting his friend’s shoulder, taking the glass from him. “Ren, enough with that.” Ren didn’t even bother to protest as he slumped on the couch, leaning back. “Don’t be too down, (Y/n) never said anything about cutting off ties with you. Maybe he just needs space.” He comforted and sat down on the couch as Kavin comes over to sit on Ren’s opposite side.

“Yeah, you know he doesn’t avoid anyone without a proper reason.” Kavin chimes in. “We can help you talk to him if you want. I can call him and hand my phone to you if he answers.”

Another sigh — uncountable by now — escapes Ren as he folded his arms over his chest. “Won’t work. He’ll figure out you’re helping me.”

The two friends shared another look at that. It’s difficult coming up with solutions when the problem is you; you’re logically smart in terms of situation and could somehow come up with any idea that benefits you, without ever giving the other person a satisfaction. So, truth be told, anything they say would be useless against you because you often think one step ahead. They honestly didn’t know how to help Ren, considering the one he fell in love with is within the inner circle and a quite hard-to-get type of person, but wanted to — Ren deserves love after not finding for so long.

However, before any conclusion could form inside their heads that can possibly solve Ren’s problem, they heard the sound of front doors opening and slamming shut along with clicking of heels against the tiled floor, presumably nearing to where all three of them were gathered. Soon enters Montana Aira, Ren’s mother, with sunglasses raised to her hair like a headband and obviously expensive clothes. A grin spreads across her perfectly red lips as soon as she spotted them and makes her way over, confidence radiating off of her.

“Hi, boys!” She greets enthusiastically.

“Good evening, Mrs. Aira. It’s good to see you back.” Kavin greets back respectfully and moves over to peck her cheek, stepping back when MJ does the same as well.

Chuckling, Montana waves him off and sets her shopping bags down on the floor before her eyes catches all the bottles surrounding them. A frown replaced the look on her face. MJ cleared his throat after feeling the atmosphere shift suddenly and rubbed his hands, reluctantly speaking up. “Uh- Mrs. Aira, I swear it’s not what it looks like. We’re not getting ourselves wasted, Kavin and I were just looking after Ren.”

The woman sighs. She knew he was telling the truth; if they had been drinking heavily together, there should’ve been three glass on the table and not one. So that means Ren was drinking all of these whiskeys alone and had just been stopped by the two of them. With the amount of bottles, it’s hard not to notice Ren was troubled, and that neither Kavin nor MJ were successful in cheering him up due to the dejected look still evident on his face. Ren wasn’t even making eye contact, probably ashamed or embarrassed he was caught in this state by his own mother.

“Could you two give us a minute?” She uttered after a good moment of silence. Both of them nodded immediately and each gave an encouraging pat on Ren’s shoulder before walking out of the living room, out of earshot. Gorya assigned them to take care of him, so they had no plans of leaving him alone until they make sure he’s fine by himself.

Ren continued to avoid looking at her even after she sat down beside him, fiddling with his hands. Montana looked at it, then gently grabbed them to catch his attention, her eyes softening when they met his. “It’s very unlikely of you to drink this heavily. Tell me what’s troubling you, honey.” Tenderness filled every bit of her tone, and Ren couldn’t help but lean onto her.

It took him a bit of hesitation, but Ren decides to share nonetheless. “(Y/n)’s avoiding me,” Surprise coated her face. “I know it’s surprising, but it started at their party. I kind of wasn’t paying attention to him and was talking to this girl the whole time. I think he thought I was ignoring him and got hurt or upset. He’s been avoiding me a lot and not answering my calls. I don’t know what to do anymore.” He bites his lip when anxiousness start to wash over him.

What if you stopped talking to him? MJ said you’re not going to cut off ties with him, but what if you’re planning to? Is this the downfall or end of your friendship? How was he going to confess if you don’t even want to see or speak to him anymore? The questions felt heavy on his head, knowing there’s no one to provide answers.

“Oh, Ren...” Montana embraces him without second thought and rubs his back comfortingly. “It’s gonna be okay. You two are inseparable, honey. I don’t believe that’s enough to break you apart, (Y/n) loves you too much to let this be the end. He probably needs space or time to himself.”

Ren felt the back of his eyes sting because of her words. “He doesn’t love me as much as I love him, mom.” His voice was barely above whisper, but completely reached Montana’s ears.

“Are you two seeing each other?” She softly asked.

He shakes his head, burying his face on the crook of her neck. “I wish we were.” Quietly mumbling against her skin, Ren felt a tear roll down his cheek. It made him close his eyes as another escaped again, and another, and another, until they started overflowing.

Montana’s heart breaks upon feeling the wetness of his tears and continued to rub his back, this time accompanied by gentle pats to soothe him. But she knew he can never calm down — not unless it was you comforting him. “Tell him then.” That caused him to snap his eyes open and pull away to look at her as if she was insane. Montana only smiled. “Ren, he’ll never know how you feel about him if you don’t. Keeping this feelings inside will hurt you more than the possible rejection itself; you don’t even know if that’s his answer unless you confess.”

Ren looks down. “But what if it is, mom? We’ll just be a stranger to each other. I don’t want that.”

“Do you really think low of him that much?” His gaze snapped back to her once again, and the stern look on her face makes him press his lips into a thin line. “Renrawin Aira, do you think low of (Y/n) that much? That he’ll stop being friends with you after knowing what you feel about him? That he’ll throw it all away after everything you’ve been through together? After years of watching him grow up, I know (Y/n) is not someone who will let feelings destroy his friendship with others. How come you, who’s been with him through thick and thin, don’t know that?”

Those words were a slap to his face.

“I know you’re afraid, but let your feelings be free for once, and don’t be so certain of (Y/n)’s feelings for you. Your assumption isn’t always correct, Ren. It’s disrespectful to right out decide what he feels about you without actually hearing it from him.”

Slowly but surely, Ren was processing her words and agreeing with her.

Comfortable silence consumes the air around them as Ren begins to contemplate what to do, making sure to repeat everything she said in his mind. He was afraid of breaking you two apart, but isn’t that just an excuse to avoid his feelings? So he doesn’t have to say it out loud? So he doesn’t have to face it? Perhaps, being inexperienced in love made him such a coward to accept the fact he was in love with you, his best friend since ten years old, of all people. But then, maybe, he had already started liking you when he began buying your favorite sweets, no matter how expensive they were, just to see your smile.

Ren had only realized he was in love at his fifteenth birthday, when you dragged him across the world to London to celebrate and went on ice skating. He was so enchanted watching you skate and the moment your eyes met with his and a warm smile spreads across your face, his whole world turned upside down, butterflies filling his stomach.

It was the moment he knew he wanted to be your forever.

However, as most best friends who are in love with their own best friends do, he chickened out and selfishly decided it was better if his feelings remain locked inside — Ren could see it was selfish now, because his only thought in choosing that decision was to use the best friend card as an excuse to stay close to you as much as possible. It was solely out of personal gain.

With realization after realization occuring in his brain, Ren couldn’t help but let out the loudest sigh he’s ever produced this day. It’s unfair to you that he decided your feelings for you.

“Uhm, madame Montana?” Their servant’s voice snaps Ren out of his deep thoughts as both he and Montana looked at her. “Mr. (L/n)’s asking for your visit to their residence. He just called and asked me to tell you he wanted to discuss about something and to bring young master with you. He said young master (Y/n) is also present.”

A questioning look appears on Ren’s face as he turns to his mother, only to see her nod with an understanding look. Your father and Montana have been business partners for three years now, but more than that, they’ve been best friends since childhood and helped each other a lot through hard works, climbing to the top all by themselves with the support of their own lovers. Therefore, Montana could already guess he’s calling them over for both business matter and personal matter due to asking for Ren as well.

“I’ll go change my clothes.” Ren announced as soon as their servant was out of sight, hurriedly walking off without waiting for her reply. His demeanor seemed to have lighten up a little, subtle excitement shown to his movements as he used his long legs to skip few steps each time he went up, making Montana chuckle under her breath.

Her son became the absolute cutest when preparing himself for meet ups with you. However, she was worried about what will happen in this meeting, considering you seem like you don’t want to talk to him — at least not until you feel fine.

The drive to (L/n) residence was silent yet peaceful and comfortable despite Ren’s heart beating rapidly against his chest from nervousness. He didn’t know if you’ll let him in after avoiding him for so long; the (L/n) residence wasn’t entirely yours since your parents paid for the entire thing, but you still have the right to kick out any visitors, being the rightful owner due to them rarely coming home. You could make him stay outside the entire meeting, Ren doesn’t know what he’ll do if that happens.

Fortunately, you weren’t that cruel.

Answering the front doors, you only spared Ren a glance before opening them wider with a short and simple greeting to Montana. She smiles at you and shoots Ren a look of encouragement, then proceeds to stroll towards your father’s office confidently, her heels clicking loudly against the floor. Most of your servants stop for a split second to watch her.

For the first time ever in your friendship, Ren felt uneasy and awkward being with you. This never happened before, which made sadness cloud his chest at the clear indication that your relationship with each other had drastically changed, no matter how much neither of you want to admit it. He stared after you with a sad frown as you make your way towards where Montana had gone off to, looking back at him to gesture inside the office with only your head.

Ren tried his best to ignore the ache in his heart of you not speaking to him, and followed you inside.

Your father’s office was very neat. There were regular sized table and office chair on the left corner, surrounded by shelves that had documents, some picture frames, and very minimum amount of decorations on them. At the opposite corner, there laid two black leather couch facing each other with a coffee table in between. Beside the door was the largest bookshelf anyone had ever seen.

(Y/f/n) and Montana were sitting on one of the leather couches, waiting for them. “Take a seat, both of you.” The former gestures to the other couch.

No one made a move to complain, both you and Ren obeying (Y/f/n) and sitting down. You immediately stole a chocolate macaron away from the plate above the coffee table as soon as your body crashed with the soft surface, wasting no time to eat. Montana chuckles; you ate a lot, that still didn’t change. A small, unnoticeable smile spreads across Ren’s lips— at least you still have the sweets and desserts he bought for you stored somewhere within this residence.

“I’m sorry for the sudden call. I just couldn’t let it pass.” (Y/f/n) says, but you only stared at him while eating as Ren shakes his head to tell it was fine. “The thing is, Ten and I have been discussing about future businesses. This includes your future as well, but we didn’t make any decisions without your consent, of course.” Interest sparks in Ren at the mention of his father; he nods for the older male to continue. “We’re thinking about passing down some of our business to you and (Y/n), the ones that we know you’ll be able to handle. It’s all up to you whether you’ll accept them or not.”

Swallowing the shredded macaron down your throat, you lean over to take another one, but bubblegum flavor this time, as you speak up. “Well, couldn’t let good opportunities pass, could we? I’m all up for businesses as long as it’s not illegal, which I doubt there’s even one.” You then took a bite of the macaron, uncaring that your future’s already decided.

Ren nods to show his agreement to what you said, “That’s fine by me too.”

(Y/f/n) nods slowly, before shifting his gaze to Montana and glancing at the file beside the macarons filled plate. The woman sighs and opens the file, turning it around to face you two. “They also talked about how to make this businesses powerful and came up with one solution.” Montana states. Her eyes look at her son with concern, though it quickly vanishes, as she hesitated to continue.

“Which is?” Ren questioned curiously. You wanted to ask as well, but was too busy savouring the taste of your favorite sweets.

She sighed for the second time. “Marry you and (Y/n).”

His eyes immediately widened, before he quickly goes to pat your back when you choked on the macaron and began coughing uncontrollably. Reaching for the glass of water on the table, he hands it to you and you drink it almost eagerly, feeling relief wash over your body as the coughing stops. Slamming the glass back on the table, you looked at your father with wide eyes. “Are you being serious right now? Do you even realize how big of a decision this is?”

(Y/f/n) sighs and nods his head. It’s completely normal that you’re shocked by their decision; honestly, who wouldn’t be? Specially when you’re avoiding your best friend who you’re being told to marry. “We know that, son. Which is why we’re not forcing you to. You and Ren have a bright future ahead, we don’t want you to do something out of force or pressure and regret it. Marriage is your whole life, you shouldn’t just marry someone you can’t love. If you can’t look at each other that way, we can find other solutions.” He reassured firmly, eyes shifting from you to Ren.

The young Aira couldn’t entirely process what was being offered.

It’s practically his dream to stand in front of the altar wearing tuxedo or black suits, speak wedding vows together, slip a ring on each other’s finger, be pronounced as man and husband, all with you in the picture. He’s dreamt of it. He hoped for it deep inside, despite the denial he’s been having all this time. Somewhere within his consciousness, there are big celebration and explosive happiness all over the place, his joyful self jumping up and down in excitement. However, there is also one somewhere within himself, in which didn’t look too happy about the news, instead concerned for your future as you’ll be tied to him forever if you agree. He was torn between the two reactions.

“Can I know what benefit our marriage will have to our business?” You questioned. Ren’s heart dropped to his stomach; so there’s a possibility you can marry him only out of duty and not because you love him.

Montana shakes her head, “If you’re only going to make a decision based on how it’ll benefit the business, we’re not telling you a single thing.” You furrowed your brows, and she instantly goes to clarify. “This might help our business, but we would rather have no improvement than risk your happiness and future. (Y/f/n) wants you to think for yourself, (Y/n). Not for the business.”

“Then what about Ren? You’ll be risking his happiness too.”

Ren snapped his eyes to you, surprise written on his face.

“I’m a guy, dad. He deserves to marry a woman, someone who can carry his child, someone he can start a family with. Not me, who can’t even give him anything. He deserves a good life. I’m not going to let him marry me and ruin his entire life that could’ve been better.” You rambled on, unknowingly making the wheels in his head turn.

Were you actually believing that he deserves to marry a woman when he’s not even interested in them at all? With the way you speak, he could almost assume you seriously didn’t mind marrying him, the only thing keeping you from agreeing to this arrangement was your belief that he would choose any women over you, who has the ability to carry a child. Which Ren is certain he would never ever do. Creating his own family sounds amazing and all, but only if it’s you and him. He can’t picture anyone else standing next to him — anyone but you.

God, you’re the only one he wants and head over heels in love with yet you’re out here, rambling to your father and his mother about him possibly ruining his life by marrying you, not knowing that it’s everything he could ever ask for.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to let him—”

“(Y/n),” You were interrupted by Ren calling out your name and pulling your hands to his lap. Abruptly stopping with the ramblings, you finally let your worrying eyes meet his for the first time today. However, surprise crosses your face when you saw joy and excitement in his. “I know you’re worried about my future, but aren’t you going to let me talk?”

Eyes shifting to your hands on his lap, you fell into silence all of a sudden to tell him it’s his turn to talk. One of his hands let go of yours to tilt your chin up so your eyes meet his again before dropping back on his lap, lacing his fingers with yours. The tenderness in the way he looked at you made you feel warm all over.

“Marrying you would be the best thing to ever happen to my life, (Y/n). I don’t know why you think otherwise.” You pressed your lips into a thin line, wanting to avoid eye contact but keeping yourself from doing so. “It’s not going to ruin my future. The other way around, honestly. It’ll make my future better. All I ever wanted was to be with you. I mean, family sounds great, but I don’t want it if you’re not going to be in the picture.”

Your heart’s fucking jackhammering against your chest right now.

A sudden wave of emotions hit you like a brick, washing away all of the negativity, insecurity, and awful thoughts in your head, bringing a sense of peace within your neverending storm. Not even being given the time to process, you didn’t know when tears started flowing out from your eyes, as Ren’s hands immediately shoots up to cup your face and look at you worriedly. But you ignored it. You ignored everything, just slipped your hands to your face and covered it to let the tears out. Not knowing why you were crying, Ren quickly pulls you closer to his chest and begins rubbing your back soothingly.

Damn it, you’ve managed to keep yourself from crying this past five days yet all it takes is comforting words from Ren himself for everything to come crashing down. He doesn’t even realize the power he holds over you — he doesn’t realize how deeply in love you are.

Ren turns his head to look at (Y/f/n), who had a small smile on his face. “We’ll accept the marriage, Mr. (L/n).”

Your father smiled. “Then, starting from now, you may call me dad, son.”

Nodding his head, Ren smiled as he held you closer and whispered soothing words into your ear.

Oh, how everything took a turn.

𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

Having an overenthusiastic parents meant throwing a grand birthday party for you regardless if you want it or not, which is exactly the reason why you’re sitting with your friend group at the very front of the venue, closer to the stage. Usually, you would be annoyed to hold such a grand birthday party like this because you only want to spend time with your friends in your special day, but today was different. This isn’t just a birthday party, it’s also an engagement party in disguise.

So far, no one has yet to notice the shining, glimmering, engagement ring on your left ring finger.

Ren was sitting next to you, closer than usual, yet it wasn’t enough for your friends to speculate something as they assumed you just want to make up for the lost times and be extra close with one another. When it was time to dance, you stood up and pulled Ren along to the center of the venue and began swaying along the music, hands resting on the back of his neck while his were around your waist.

Murmuring and shutters of camera entered your ears, but you ignored all of them and focused on Ren, just like he was paying attention to you only. It still feels like a dream to not only be in a relationship, but engaged to him as well. This could be considered as arranged marriage — which it actually was, the only difference is neither of you were forced.

Smiling softly, Ren leans in to whisper in your ear. “I love you. Such a dream come true.”

Goosebumps rise on your skin at the sound of his voice. You smile back when he moves away, playing with the back of his hair, causing him to shiver. A sly smirk dances on your lips, “I love you too, teerak.”

He tilts his head back slightly with a breathless chuckle before pulling you close by the waist, pressing your bodies closer while dancing around to the soft music. “You’re being a tease,” Ren accused.

“Well, I kind of want your kiss.” You leaned in a little, which caused several gasps to erupt from the guests who were watching, before pulling back with a smirk. “Teasing you is the only way I can make you quickly break your self-control.” You said as one of your hands slid from his nape to his shoulder, then down to his chest, almost seductively.

Ren’s breath hitched. “Not now, (Y/n).” He whispered, struggling to get the words out. His self-control was admittedly barely resisting to your temptation as he’s been waiting for this for so long, but pushed himself to. He can’t kiss you, at least not yet until the announcement is made and everyone knows you belong to him as much as he belongs to you.

“Hey, uh... Guys?” Gorya calls out to the whole group after watching yours and Ren’s interaction while dancing. Though, she didn’t have to when all of them were already paying attention. “Aren’t they being too... flirty?”

“Well, they flirt a lot without realizing.” Kavin replies, failing to sound nonchalant. “But this flirting is... something else. It’s not the usual one.”

“I feel like we’re watching what we’re not supposed to.” Kaning mutters only for them to hear and earns a nod from everyone.

Soon enough, others got over their shock of seeing you and Ren dance together and began to join you on the dance floor, leading their own partner, some are just friends having fun while most are couples who doesn’t want to miss the opportunity of dancing with their significant other. Your friend group decides to follow as well, swaying around with their own partners, forming a circle with you and Ren in the center. Sometimes, you would give them a smile and encouragement to show their loved ones off, knowing this would be a great time to since all of them had gone out of their way to make their relationship official.

Kavin’s father wasn’t all that happy to find out he’s dating Kaning due to her financial status, but chose to keep his mouth shut after Kavin threatened to throw the entire future his father had set for him in order to be with Kaning. His loyalty for Kaning was quite surprising if you were being honest, because of being a playboy and all, but then again, he never fell in love as hard as he fell for her. It’s sort of adorable how smitten he is. Meanwhile, MJ’s parents were surprisingly more than okay with him dating Aum, saying it was about time he found his own soulmate. Roselyn Paramaanantra, Thyme’s mother, used to despise Gorya for obvious reasons until she began to warm up to her, eventually treating her as her own and letting her stay in the Paramaanantra residence a couple of times for dinner. Thyme informed you all that his home felt like an actual home now, with no strict rules to abide by and a loving mother. All thanks to Gorya Thitara Jundee.

After dancing for almost an hour, you were called to the stage for candle blowing while your parents waved Ren over, holding a large cake with multiple candles. Without any hesitation at all, Ren takes the cake out of their hands and began walking carefully towards you as everyone sings happy birthday, a big smile on his lips.

To everyone else in the venue, it seemed like a boyfriend was celebrating his boyfriend’s birthday by bringing him the cake, each and every single one of them remembering that one interview you and F4 participated in, where you answered a question — what is an odd thing that you believe in? — with a simple “Bringing the cake to someone in their birthday is a lover thing ‘cause usually, family members are the one to bring the cake.” However, none of them dared to question either of you, knowing better than to assume things without evidence.

“The camera flashes are blinding me.” You muttered only for Ren to hear and he chuckles, shrugging his shoulders, before you leaned over to blow the candles when the happy birthday song came to an end. Everyone clapped as the press rapidly took photos of you and Ren shooting them what looked like a genuine smile for the first time.

The MC claps with a huge grin, “Happy birthday, Mr. (Y/n)! How does it feel?” He questioned after you took the cake from Ren, and your fiancé was quick to hold out a mic for you so you can speak, the venue erupting with aww’s from your schoolmates.

“I feel one year older,” You state with an awkward tone, visibly uncomfortable at your increasing age. “I’m not afraid of growing up, but it feels a little saddening to realize I’m not allowed to be a child anymore, considering there will be lots of responsibilities that’ll be placed upon me.” There was a hint of disappointment in your tone which Ren didn’t miss, raising his empty hand to rub your arm comfortingly and giving you a firm look that silently said he will be there for you every step of the way, no responsibilities will be carried by you alone. You gave him a look of gratitude.

Nodding his head in understanding, the MC gives you an encouraging smile. “Well, there’s nothing wrong with being playful once in a while, Mr. (Y/n). I’m certain your parents wouldn’t mind.” They nodded in agreement. “Is this your first time holding a grand birthday party?”

“Yes,” You chuckled. “Normally, I would rather be with my friends.”

You could tell everyone’s interested in your life because you’re the most private one in your friend group, not sharing any information of how you live your life and what’s going on, preferring to not be talked about in news or social medias. But now you’re starting to share a thing or two about yourself that they can’t help but listen, specially those girls at Köcher High wanting to get into your pants after you and Ren shut down rumors of you dating multiple times.

“We hang out until the time they have to leave. I spend the most time with Ren ‘cause he always cancel any plans on my birthday so he could be with me ‘til the end of the day.” You smiled fondly at the memory, only noticing then how couple-ish you two were behaving. No wonder almost literally everyone asked if you were together.

And, as if on cue, one of the reporters in front of the stage asked a question everyone’s been too afraid to ask today.

“Mr. (Y/n), are you and Mr. Aira dating?”

The venue instantly fell into silence. No one knew whether to feel ecstatic that the reporter asked or disappointed because he might’ve ruined your day. All students present from Köcher High held their breaths; the last time they witnessed someone ask that, yours and Ren’s mood dropped almost six feet under.

Much to their surprise, your happy giggle cuts through the thick silence that formed within the venue, you and Ren grinning like you’ve been waiting for them to ask.

“Honestly, no—” Ren answered truthfully.

Just when a look of disappointment began to appear on everyone’s faces, you passed the cake to the MC who was standing beside you and ignored his confused stare, then held your left hand up with its back facing the audience as Ren does the same. Everyone’s gaze shifted to them, only then catching the shining, silver ring you two were wearing.

“Because we’re engaged.” You cheerfully announced, grinning from ear to ear.

All of their eyes widened, and almost immediately, the sounds of shock and surprise and awe boomed within the venue all at once from everyone except your parents and Ren’s. You looked at your friends to see their jaws dropped, shock evident in their faces as they stare at you and Ren, making you two grin victoriously at each other.

Ren slips his left hand into your right one and intertwined your fingers together, ignoring the rapid flashing of cameras, smiling at the joyful look on your face. You were watching everyone’s reaction, grinning widely with fingers wiggling to show off the engagement ring — this is possibly the only time he saw you so utterly happy. He found your happiness adorable, he found you adorable, how you were flexing the ring, and he felt the sudden urge to kiss you bubbling within him because of the overwhelming amount of love he feels for you.

When you turned to smile at him, Ren couldn’t help but stop himself from holding back.

Before you could process, his empty hand had cupped your cheek and he was leaning in, eyes boring into yours to ask for permission. Despite freaking out inside for seeing his face so close, you don’t hesitate to close the gap and meet his lips on your own. Squeals and screams and cheers erupts from most of the students from Köcher High as Kavin and MJ wolf whistles, but it seems neither of you heard them from being too focused on each other’s lips.

Pulling away, you and Ren burst into a pit of giggles before you buried your face into the crook of his neck, redness beginning to tint your cheeks. Ren laughs, seeing your ears turning red as well, his hand slipping through your hair.

Well, tomorrow will certainly be a wild day after the best friends who were not together finally confirmed they’re together, unexpectedly engaged at that. But Ren supposed that problem can wait — for now, the most important thing is enjoying your moments together and, probably explaining to your group of friends the details because they deserve it.

You pulled away only enough to look at your friends and caught them smirking at the two of you teasingly.

“They’re never gonna let this down,” You groaned.

“Probably not.”

Dealing with the press and public attention would be so much better than the teasing of your friends, you assume. Ren begged to differ, though.

The teasing of yours and his parents is worse.

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suzannahnatters · 8 months

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Trope Talk: Villain Romance

So, I was watching a villain romance cdrama again lately (GOODBYE MY PRINCESS) and it has been forcing me to think about what makes some villain romances work for me so well, and others…not so much.

First of all, a lot of my comments on romance at large, and on enemies-to-lovers as the broader trope to villain romance, apply here. For me, GOODBYE MY PRINCESS failed on a few different levels. It failed as a romance because the male lead so rarely, if ever, allowed himself to be vulnerable to the female lead that I couldn't believe either of them could genuinely be falling for each other. It failed as an enemies-to-lovers story because the female lead didn't feel like a match for the male lead in terms either of power or of morals: he was irredeemably awful and held all the power in the relationship, while she was unquenchably pure and naive, holding no power at all. But then, it also failed for me as a villain romance, and because I eat up villain romance with a spoon (WUTHERING HEIGHTS? THE LAST JEDI? LOVE BETWEEN FAIRY AND DEVIL? TILL THE END OF THE MOON? That ONE SCENE in RICHARD III? yess?) I've spent a lot of time thinking about different kinds of villain romance, how some are easier to "sell" to an audience than others - as a convincing HEA, I mean - and how each of them can and can't be made to work.

So far, I think a lot of it has to do with how the villain is built. First off, how does the villain present himself to the audience and other characters? Second, does the villain get a character arc, and is it for the better, or for the worse? Finally, does the villain have genuine feelings for the heroine, and does he achieve a happily ever after with her? Or, in other words: where does your villain come from, where is he going, and how does he get there?

There are a few different choices awaiting the author here, and some of them are, I believe, easier to sell an audience than others. Let's begin with the villain's character arc over the course of the story.

POSITIVE CHANGE VILLAIN This one is the classic: your villain love interest starts out bad, but gets better. See: Erik from THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, Kylo Ren/Ben Solo in the STAR WARS sequels, Nux in MAD MAX: FURY ROAD, Dongfang Qingcang in LOVE BETWEEN FAIRY AND DEVIL, Thyme in F4: THAILAND.

Redemption arcs are honestly not easy to write, because they need to satisfy both justice and mercy; and authors, like everyone else, tend to want to prioritise one over the other. It's interesting that of the five examples of this trope I listed above, not one of the three the Western examples end in a HEA; two out of three equate redemption with death. Meanwhile, I could also note how the Asian examples pull their punches when it comes to facing the villain with the consequences of his actions, and these are some of the BEST examples.

Still, audiences can pull for a character who's clearly capable of learning from his mistakes, and we all want to inhabit a fantasy where a terrible man learns better and earns his happy ending. I've written this kind of villain romance a couple of times, notably with Vasily in my gaslamp books. Basically, if you plan to have a HEA as an endgame in your villain romance, a positive arc is the best way to make a longterm relationship convincing.

ANTIHERO WITH IMAGE PROBLEMS This one is a bit more complicated. The love interest starts out well and gets better, but along the way he struggles with a dark side and an unfortunate predilection for angry black clothing and eyeliner. He isn't so much as a villain, as a well-meaning antagonist desperately trying not to live up to his dark reputation. See: Tantai Jin from TILL THE END OF THE MOON, but also Galadriel Higgins from THE SCHOLOMANCE books by Naomi Novik, who is in a very similar predicament though not part of a villain romance.

This one is tricky to write, because there aren't a lot of ways a genuinely well-meaning person is going to convincingly pose as an existential threat to the universe. Both TTEOTM and the SCHOLOMANCE books pull it off by invoking the future, either through time travel or through prophecy: the antihero is going to become the Dark Lord/Lady and destroy the world. This makes them a target in the present, and gives them a threatening dark side to struggle against. In TTEOTM, Tantai Jin is torn between his vindictive impulses to revenge himself on those who have wronged him, and his natural longing for the love of others. In this case, it's not so much that he's a villain intrinsically, as that he plays that role in the heroine's head.

I've never written one of these, except as a stage in a positive change arc, but it's a really fun character type that I'd genuinely love to see more of.

NEGATIVE CHANGE HERO This is another classic: the hero who lives long enough to see himself become the villain. See: Anakin Skywalker from the STAR WARS prequels, Heathcliff from WUTHERING HEIGHTS, or Wang So from SCARLET HEART RYEO. If the Antihero With Image Problems withstands the temptation to become a villain, then this character succumbs with more or less struggle. He ususally also doesn't get the girl. In face, the heroine often doesn't survive this sort of story at all.

Audiences have less trouble with this kind of story, because it can come across as properly cautionary. "If you fall in love with someone who gets a villain arc, you will die, and it is probably your fault." Everyone is happy, except the characters. Personally, I think this is realistic, because I don't think a thorough-going villain CAN be a stable longterm relationship; but just once, instead of dying, I really would like to see the heroine nope out and go to live her life in peace and quiet, as happens in the wonderful Daisy Ridley OPHELIA film.

I've actually never written one of these, either, mostly because I've never been able to bring myself to write a tragedy. But I do love reading them.

UNREPENTANT VILLAIN Or, Bad Man With a Crush. This is another really common iteration of the trope, but it's usually played from the point of view of the male hero, and the heroine usually doesn't reciprocate the villain's interest in any way. The great exception to this, of course, comes in Shakespeare's RICHARD III, where the unrepentant villain convinces the widow of one of his murder victims to marry him because he's THAT GOOD. Watching Laurence Olivier in this role at 13 may have been a formative moment of my life. Other examples are thick on the ground: Frollo from THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME, Scarpia from TOSCA, the Darkling in SHADOW & BONE. Heck, I've written at least one of these myself.

Again, audiences expect this kind of villain either not to have his feelings returned or, if they are, to see either the heroine or the villain die by the end. In fact, this villain is the sort most likely not to have genuinely romantic feelings for the heroine at all; it's usually simply lust. The only example I mentioned where the villain arguably does have more complicated feelings for the heroine than a mere appetite for sex and power, and where she is tempted to reciprocate, is the one written by a woman, SHADOW & BONE - because a female writer is going to treat her heroine as a more fully orbed person, and insist on male characters treating her the same way.

The second question to ask when writing a villain romance is: how does the villain present himself to others, including the audience? Again, there are a few options here, but in any case I think one of the most important ingredients, if you're going to make the audience care about the villain, is a sense that the villain COULD be a better person than he is.

SHEEP IN WOLF'S CLOTHING The villain projects a terrifying image, but deep down he has a heart of gold. Note that this is not about character arc (for instance, this describes both Tantai Jin, who is an antihero on a positive arc, and Wang So, who is a hero on a fall arc). Rather, it's about how other characters, and the audience, view the character throughout most of the story.

A Sheep in Wolf's Clothing is easier to "redeem" because half the work is done when you show that after all, the character is better than we thought, and doesn't need as much work to be redeemed. For this reason, it's a really good choice in any sort of villain romance, because you get someone who LOOKS bad but is in fact plausible as someone who IS capable of changing and learning.

Vasily from my Miss Dark series is definitely a sheep in wolf's clothing, which is extremely fun to write. Vasily's had a traumatic change of heart which has taken away his taste for blood, treachery, and power. His habits haven't quite caught up with his heart, yet, and his determination to hold onto a semblance of power and terror makes him desperate to playact as a villainous vampire prince even though he's none of those things any longer.

SHEEP IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING I was nearly not going to include this variant at all, because where's the villainy in that? But then I remembered Anakin Skywalker. Anakin has a dark side, like Tantai Jin, which he gives into on occasion, but the prophecy that he will bring balance to the Force seems to predict a bright future for him. And he genuinely is a well-meaning person, who only wants to protect the people he cares about. For most of the story, Anakin is a good person and an upstanding Jedi with a bright future. This only makes his eventual downfall more tragic.

While how the villain presents himself is not always linked to a particular arc, this one is, since it requires a genuine hero to begin with. As I mentioned above, this kind of fall usually spells death for the heroine. I think this particular villain romance tends to be underexplored, because the freaks who like villain romance aren't into the aesthetic of a genuinely good man being corrupted, while those who write the downfall arc usually aren't into the aesthetic of villain romance. Nobody has ever written a romance about the Macbeths, and this strikes me as a missed opportunity.

WOLF IN WOLF'S CLOTHING This villain is exactly as bad as he appears on the outside, but if he's lucky, big changes are coming for him. In LOVE BETWEEN FAIRY AND DEVIL, Dongfang Qingcang is about to have his cold dead heart magically melted. In FALLING FOR INNOCENCE, Kang Min-Ho is literally given a new one. As a Christian, I love seeing fantasy elements used to explain why the wolf in wolf's clothing is suddenly forced to trade a heart of stone for a heart of flesh, because in Christianity the only way this ever happens is through a literal miracle.

And I do think this kind of villain IS difficult to redeem for his HEA without some kind of miracle, because he's genuinely done some dreadful things, and he's determined not to repent for any of them. Kylo Ren from the STAR WARS sequels is a really excellent example of a Wolf in Wolf's Clothing: when Rey spits at him, "You're a monster!" he responds almost proudly, "Yes, I am." In a way, the Wolf in Wolf's Clothing's honesty is his one redeeming feature: he may be terrible in almost every way, but he never pretends to be a good man. This is something that the next option on the list lacks altogether.

WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING This villain looks like a good and upright person, but it's all a facade. In reality, he's conniving, ruthless, and manipulative, and whether he's a "hero" on a negative arc or a straight-up Unrepentant Villain, the story is about to unmask him as the bastard he is.

Western literature has a whole array of this type of character, and they're usually the smooth hypocrites of the canon: TOSCA's Scarpia, HUNCHBACK's Frollo, MEASURE FOR MEASURE's Angelo, KNIVES OUT's Ransom. There's just something particularly evil about someone who sees and experiences true goodness and sees it as his opportunity to mask his evil deeds, and that's why we recognise such people as irredeemable. This is why BLUEBEARD is one of the trickiest fairytales to retell, at least if you're interested in a HEA - because Bluebeard, unlike the Beast or Hades or any of the other dubious bridegrooms of fairytale literature, commits awful crimes while pretending to be an ordinary, upright businessman.

This is also where we find GOODBYE MY PRINCESS's Li Chengyin, who marries this with a corruption/fall arc. Very early on in the story, we see that although Chengyin has genuine feelings for the heroine, he's fully capable of betraying her and murdering her family for purely political motivations. At first, Chengyin is neither experienced nor hardened in evil, but he absolutely will betray anyone in his path if it will benefit his plans.

This sort of villain is particularly difficult to redeem, because he's someone who has approval and love already but chooses to destroy everyone around him anyway. He is also uniquely enraging, because we've all known people this terrible in real life - from high profile teachers and carers being caught in ongoing sexual predation, to that crumby ex-husband who traumatised your good friend. I don't think I've ever seen a character like this be convincingly redeemed, and while I think it COULD be done - I do have a Bluebeard retelling of my own up my sleeve - I do that, as with the Wolf in Wolf's Clothing, it would have to come with some kind of fantastical/miraculous explanation.

And in the end, let's face it, it's always most cathartic to see this sort of person get their comeuppance.

Third and finally, is your villain romance going to get a happily ever after? I'm one of those people who will get a lot of fun out of a romance that ends badly, like SCARLET HEART RYEO, or even something that isn't a romance at all, like RICHARD III and the ill-fated Anne Neville. But whatever you pick, I'm begging you, be very clear about whether the villain has genuine feelings for the heroine or not, and don't reward some horrible person who's never convincingly expressed care for another, with any kind of romantic validation.

HEA VARIATIONS Maybe your villain and heroine make a match of it. Most of the time this is because the villain undergoes a positive character arc to earn his happy ending, and I've got to say, this is a very sensible choice. I personally do not need to see an unrepentantly terrible person get any kind of longterm romantic relationship, either because he's trapped/deceived the heroine or because he's corrupted her to become as bad as himself; I honestly don't think that terrible people CAN have a successful longterm relationship. That said, I've written a relationship where the villain DOES make the love interest worse, but where ultimately the genuine love, empathy, and trust between them ultimately does drag both of them back to the light.

TRAGIC VARIATIONS There are a great many more options available here. The main thing I would say is that you have to give an ending that is justified by what comes before.

A common choice is to give the villain a positive arc culminating in a heroic death. I've seen this done well (FURY ROAD). I've seen it done terribly (RISE OF SKYWALKER). Personally I feel that unless the themes absolutely demand this, you should avoid it, because too often it comes across as the writers arbitrarily ridding themselves of a character they don't know what to do with.

Another common choice is to give the villain a negative arc culminating in the heroine/love interest's death. I've seen this done in ways I don't hate. In RICHARD III, Richard kills literally everyone he touches. In SCARLET HEART RYEO, death is a realistic result of the heroine's trauma and closes the door definitively on the villain's hopes for reconciliation; but it also returns her to her far better life in the future, so it becomes a glimmer of hope for her (though not quite enough). Too often, however, this choice carries with it sexist overtones. Death becomes the heroine's punishment for the crime of loving a bad man (or something else equally fatuous), while the villain is "punished" only by having to live without her.

What about a negative arc culminating in the villain's death? Well, I strongly disliked the choice made in SHADOW AND BONE, in which the heroine guts the villain while hissing "there is no redemption"; to me it was lacking in either tragic catharsis OR eucatastrophe. I think you CAN have a satisfying ending in which the heroine or somebody else kills the villain, but it needs to be an expression of catharsis or eucatastrophe, and we definitely need to feel that the villain is beyond saving - which, if you've made him a genuine romantic possibility, is often hard to feel.

I love the ending of WUTHERING HEIGHTS, in which the villain dies frustrated after realising that after all, cruelty and abuse DIDN'T have to turn him into a villain; he then reunites with the ghost of his equally terrible love interest. I also love the ending of OPHELIA, in which Ophelia, realising that Hamlet cannot be redeemed from his quest for vengeance, quietly nopes out and goes to live a happy life on her own. And then, there's the gold standard for bittersweet endings, THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, in which the villain doesn't get the girl, but neither of them have to die, and her compassion for him causes him to go off and live a better life on his own. I think the thing all these have in common is that even though none of them end with the couple together, they afford the whole story a sense of hope: cycles of abuse are broken, some people get better than they deserve, and even those that don't are doomed by their own actions, rather than being killed off in a way that feels punitive or vindictive. And I feel that this is an essential ingredient of tragedy: that justice arises naturally out of the villain's own actions rather than being imposed by some righteous warrior.

PUTTING IT TOGETHER Some of these options are easier to sell the audience than others. For instance, a Wolf in Sheep's Clothing on an Unrepentant Villain arc is absolutely not good material for a HEA romance, while a Sheep in Wolf's Clothing on a Positive arc is probably your best bet (it's a classic for a reason). Others, like a Wolf in Wolf's Clothing on a positive arc, may require careful handling to ensure that the audience is happy to come along for the ride. Whatever you choose, however, it pays to be conscious of which tropes you're using, where the audience has seen them before, and what they expect to see happen to the characters that enact them. This doesn't mean that you can't defy audience expectations, of course; just that it might take a little more work to bring the audience along with you on the journey that you've planned, and that it might not be wise to pick all the worst possible options and expect the audience to embrace the character in question. (cough Li Chengyin cough).

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