#facade of a family person vs a true family person

[cherryspotart]

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

for patience and ira :)

For Patience:

Two major things can get her to cry: Rejection, and any sort of harm coming to her daughter. She tries to not cry often, especially in the public eye, because she tries her very hardest to keep up a happy and calm persona! If that ever falters, though, she makes sure to do it in private.

Really one of her most major times of crying was when the reapers disowned her, to be honest? Because they tried explaining to her that her atrocities were horrendous, but her own selfishness and pride kept her from wanting to see their side of things, so her only source of guidance and higher protection essentially disowning her hit her hard.

Idk if it counts, but an example of positive crying was when her daughter was born! She loves her baby at least!

For Ira:

Similar for him, but in this case, harm coming to any of his family can make him cry! He tends to try to hide his crying too, but not to seem perfect, just so he can seem strong for his family since he's viewed as the 'oldest and strongest big brother/father/uncle' and wants to keep his composure around everyone; he's not the best at keeping it hidden, though, and always appreciates it when his loved ones comfort him.

When their family was in danger due to their brother and nephew being kidnapped, they absolutely cried a lot because they weren't sure if those two would make it out alive, and that terrified them. He was more than relieved when things ended up fine and had a cathartic cry with his whole family when they were all reunited.

As I did with Patience, an example of them positively crying is actually pretty common — they have a hearty laugh, and sometimes it'll bring them to tears a lil bit!

[mae-i-scribble]

I rewatched a few of the early episodes of spyfam today bc getting to see the movie gave me an itch to scratch, and in particular episode two made me finally able to conceptualize what about fandom twiyor that irks me so deeply. If you like widespread fandom interpretations of them I would uh, look away bc none of my opinions on it are positive.

Episode 2 of the spyfam anime remains one of my favorites because of all the little flourishes the studios add to sell you on Yor as a character while also expanding a bit on the manga's original commentary on the stigma that follows older single women. What draws Yor and Loid together as a family is that neither of them are capable of having conventional relationships. Both of them are war orphans forced to grow up far too soon and who threw away aspects of their humanity to fight for what they believe to be a better world. While Loid's position as a spy and mastery of deception allows him to avoid the stigmas that would come from the ordinary person discovering what he does, that is not something that holds true for Yor, whose weakest point is that she simply cannot understand "normal." She's aware of the way her coworkers demean her and insult her but can do nothing about it because her only conflict resolution skill is murder. She is constantly reminded that she is an outsider, hence why Loid's declaration at the party is so meaningful to her, and what convinces her to ask him to continue the facade as a married couple.

Underneath it all however, is a quiet showcase of amatonormativity that drove both Loid and Yor to their arrangement. Eden requires a student to have a perfectly nuclear family. Societal conventions dictate that Yor, happily single at 27, is someone pathetic (to her coworkers) or someone in need of help (to her brother). Marriage is an expectation that Yor is pressured to commit to, and a societal requirement that Loid must uphold for the sake of his mission. And while this showcase begins in episode 2 it is something that spyfam continues to highlight when it comes to the expectations both Loid and Yor struggle to meet when they try to hard/become to anxious over what is "expected" as a married couple vs what the other person is actually thinking/feeling.

Now, what the fuck does this have to do with fandom you ask? Here's the thing. Spyfam reached the broad range of anime fans when it exploded in popularity, which is when I started engaging with it beyond just comments on the latest manga chapters. Modern fandom already has the issue of classifying ships into tropes rather than actually like, shipping characters as they are. And that's exactly what happened with twiyor. People began going "oh my gosh this is the moment she fell for loid," "oh he's so in love with her just look at him," before we had even reached episode 10. Which was incredibly frustrating to me because clearly Loid and Yor are not anywhere near in love that soon in the story- and the basis for that frustration starts in episode 2 for me. Because Loid and Yor's marriage is one that is unconventional from the very beginning, and it is that factor that defines their dynamic an allows them to function as healthily and sweetly as they do. People don't need to be in love to be married or to be a parental unit. None of that requires romantic love, it is simply an expectation of our society, the same sort of expectation that cripples Yor and makes her think she has to find a partner, then that she has to find a husband to appease those around her. Seeing that completely erased in a large portion of art/commentary/fics written about them angers me because its something baked into the foundation of their dynamic and something I feel enhances them as a potential romantic pairing rather than detracts from it. But we can't have that because of course a man and woman living together and caring for a kid fell in love almost immediately.

And don't even get me started on how people misinterpret Loid for their far more romantic interpretations of his motivations and relationship with Anya and Yor or else I will start losing teeth from how hard I am clenching my jaw

[nazrigar]

Personal Halloween Character Design Challenge - Slashertown

Time to reveal what I've been doing for Halloween/Spooktober!

Basically a personal character design challenge, inspired by my Tiger vs Slasher Villain post!

The gist is that it's set in a town that's basically a magnet for various kinds of horror villain archetypes, ESPECIALLY Slashers... hence its Name.

The Leads: The main protags of the challenge/setting.

Linda Rivera - A young woman of Spanish-American descent, known equally for both her stubborness and her empathy, and a strong, strong survival instinct. She's the been the "Final Girl" for most of her life, be it as a survivor of a literal cult war when she was a kid to Prom night when she was a teen. She cosplays and paints minis for a living, and is genuinely curious about what's REALLY going on in Slashertown.

Rodney "The Ripper" Rackham. Filling in for the unstoppable masked slasher villain ala Jason and Michael Myers, Rodney was once just a humble shop student with an interest in metallurgy and blacksmithing, until one day a trip to the woods went terribly wrong. For years he was the town's most famous slasher, targeting repairshops and others indiscriminately... nowadays he's more famous for another thing -killing other slashers.

Animal Companions: Filling in for the Animal guide/voice of wisdom, ala Coraline

Peggy Thirteen is Linda's cat. A crafty and wiley critter than seems to know just about every nook and cranny in town. Unusually intelligent for a cat, and remarkably obedient when Linda says to "stay put". There's more to her than meets the eye, as shown with her smug face.

Maharaja is the town celebrity Tiger, having been the one to save Linda from a slasher known as "Henry the Hatchet" a few years ago. Unbelievably strong, and much like Peggy, seems to be far more intelligent than what a big cat should be. Linda certainly suspects something.

Cannibal Archetypes: Self explanatory

Marlowe Magritte: Filling in for the Hannibal Lecter side of the cannibal villain, with a dash of Slowik from The Menu, he's the owner of the most famous restaurant in town. His food is to die for, as certain patrons disappeared in his business, just infrequent enough that no one suspects anything. Sure, while having liver with a nice chianti is nice, what he's REALLY after are memories and experiences. THAT to him, is what makes a true experience.

Merle "The Man Ogre" Mason: The Hills have Eyes meets Leatherface, Merle was a man exposed to chemicals during the end of World War 2 and became a mutant... THEN the magics of the town turned him into a cannibalistic monster, lurking about the hills just outside of town. Suprisingly articulate despite his looks!

Lethal Ladies: Because one can never go wrong with more female slasher villains!

Heather Berry lost her mind when she couldn't be Queen of High School Land, and thus took it out on some students, before mysteriously dissapearing after a fight with eternal Final Girl Linda. Now she's back, as Haley Babbit, successful business women with great PR... but beneath the facade, is still the same bloodthirsty Heather!

Liv Malone - SHE FOLLOWS. Slowly. Very slowly. Sure, she's completely unrelenting in her need to dispatch someone, but man oh-man is she SLOW. A simple shove is usually all that's needed to stop her from following you.

Killer Clowns: And this time, they're a family!

Marco the Clown and Minnie the Mime are a brother sister team that only wants to entertain you with their (occasionally lethal) shows! Please laugh at Marco's jokes and take Minnie's Art seriously, they get uspet if you don't!

Jethro the Jester is their grandfather, and leader of the group, simply known as The Troupe. One of the most powerful entities in town, his shows and acts seem to defy physics itself, and he'll always make sure that you leave the show a new person!

Terrible Toys: Three different flavors of violent toy!

Tricky the Ragdoll - Guardian of all children in town, much like Gamera, just one that's VERY open to lethal force when he sees a kid in trouble. Is actually quite helpful to them, no strings (ha!) attatched, offering blankets, food and subtly guiding kids to reunite with their parents if they ever get lost.

Mrs. Olivia - An overpossessive ghost of a woman from the 40s stuck in a porcelain doll. She'll do ANYTHING to protect her "poppets". ANYTHING. She is awoken whenever someone cleans up her toy body.

The Immolator - The most overtly Chucky-like of the bunch, with a dash of Small Soldiers. A psychotic, misanthropic inmate that winded up possessing the toy of a 90s action figure, he'll be more than happy to murder any meatbags in his sights... so long as he has batteries. The REAL danger is that, when dormant, he can imitate ANY voice possible, subtly suggesting you to really, REALLY give him those batteries!

Oceanic Killers: Because you gotta have a Jaws reference!

Big Bertha and Finn are a Great White Shark and Dolphin duo, that work together to un-alive silly and stupid hairless apes. Big Bertha LOVES the taste of humans, and would go out of her way to find 'em, but usually it's Finn that calls the shots. Any human that bothers him or makes fun of him, either gets a taste of his rostrum, or he sends Bertha to do the dirty work.

Primeval Horrors: Because everything's better with dinosaurs!

The Great One and his Flock: Combining both Jurassic Park and Hitchcock's the Birds, the Great One is a colossal, fifteen ton Tyrannosaurus rex, and is the oldest entity in town, and by far one of the most powerful. So powerful, that no slasher dares to enter his territory (which is the Slashertown Museum of Natural History). The birds of Slashertown are his eyes and ears, agents of his will, and those that mess with 'em don't tend to live to see the next sunrise. It's also a foolish thing to lay a hand on his skeleton, as the paleontologists who worship him like a god like to remind visitors. All those that have done so, either disappear (with the only remains being bloodied claw marks) or become skeletons stripped down to the bone.

[smok3r7]

One Door Closes & Another One Opens

Joel x OFC!Divorce Lawyer

Explicit, 18+

Wolf vs Bear

Main MasterList & Series Masterlist - My AO3

Summary: She’s a divorce attorney and he’s a husband looking for help to save his daughter, and himself, from his gambling addict wife. Renae Russo is a woman who fights for her clients and wins. She’s satisfied with her life and what she does - but she wishes she could have a little more. What happens when Joel Miller becomes her client and an old flame of Renae’s reignites in the same breath?

Chapter Summary: Things get nasty in court and Renae realizes she has to let go of what could’ve been.

Word count: 5.3k

—

Annie has always been known for her determination and resilience, qualities that she lost due to her inability to stay sober or away from casinos. But now she’s trying to gain them back, or at least look like she is, with the help of divorce lawyer Garcia Cole.

She’s driven by a single motive - vengeance. She’s ready to fight tooth and nail for what she believes is rightfully hers, and she’s not going to let Joel take Sarah away. But it’s not even about her wanting to be a mother because, well, she really doesn’t… At the end of the day, it is all about having control over Joel.

Her persona as a doting mother was just a facade she believed everyone bought into, but the truth was far from that. The only thing that consumes her is when she can escape to the casino again and have a drink. The flashing lights and the sound of slot machines call out to her, offering a temporary escape from her mundane reality of having a child and being a wife. When she sits at the poker table, her mind drifts away into nothingness.

Her whole life keeping up appearances to others outside of her family was burned into her by her mother and she did not break that habit, transforming into a desperation for society to perceive her as the innocent victim in a crumbling marriage, all of it out of her control.

When she decided to fight Joel back in the divorce, she reveled in the thought of outsmarting him, her manipulative tactics hidden beneath a blanket of maternal devotion. However, she was not good at keeping her ideas to herself, because she wouldn’t stop calling him, leaving voicemails, and texts going into detail about how she thought she was going to crush him.

She simply couldn’t help herself.

Joel, on the other hand, understands the true gravity of the situation. He knows that Annie is not going to back down easily; it’s always a fight with her. Just like in the beginning when he would ask repeatedly if she was drunk, and she would deny, but Joel could tell. So he would try to simply talk to her and then she would play the guilt trip and whole victim act; I just want to have fun, we don’t have fun anymore, Joel. I’m not the same person anymore and I miss who I used to be…I just need to find myself again. What…I can’t go out anymore? Is that what you’re saying?

This divorce is going to be no different. Annie's stubbornness and denial of it all only fuels his determination more. Despite the emotional turmoil, Joel remains firm in his decision, ready to face the challenges that come with ending a once loving partnership. He knows that this separation is necessary, even if it means navigating through rough waters ahead.

He braces himself for the battle on the other side of the wooden doors, determined to do whatever it takes to ensure that his daughter remains with him. But also knowing that Renae has his and Sarah’s best interests in mind, eases his panic just enough.

“We got this, ‘kay?” Renae nudges Joel’s shoulder with hers, causing him to turn to her and he’s met with a small genuine smile. Her arms are folded across her chest, supported by stacks of papers and Manila envelopes filled with evidence to bolster Joel's claims.

The weight of the overwhelming evidence hits him like a ton of bricks, shaking him to his core. He’s struggling to come to terms with the reality that he finds himself in, unable to fathom the amount of proof backing him. This isn’t how marriages are supposed to be or even end.

His marriage to Annie had once been full of laughter and love, but now it seemed like a distant memory. The once vibrant woman he had fallen in love with was now a shadow of her former self, lost in a sea of her own demons.

Joel feels like a failure, as a husband and a father. He should’ve been able to see the signs of Annie falling off the deep end but he didn’t. He had ignored the late nights, the empty bottles, and the distant gaze in her eyes, hoping it was just a phase she would outgrow.

He can’t help but wonder where it had all gone wrong. Was there anything he could have done differently to save their marriage? Or was this the inevitable outcome of a love that had faded away?

He knows he’s in incredible hands but that doesn’t mean he isn’t terrified of what’s to come. Gazing into Renae’s beautiful forest green eyes, he sees true determination and care in her, and he smiles back at her. I know, he whispers, truly meaning each word. Despite the chaos swirling around his mind, he finds comfort in Renae's presence, something about her calms his whirling thoughts. With her by his side, he feels a flicker of hope amidst the uncertainty.

As they prepare to face the challenges ahead, he draws strength from Renae's unwavering support and her belief in a better tomorrow. In her eyes, he sees not only a formidable advocate but also a compassionate ally in this insane journey towards a new beginning.

Possibly even one with Renae.

—

Glancing over to Annie, Joel takes in her appearance; her blonde hair neatly pulled back into a tight bun, her makeup soft and light, but underneath he can see the faint bruise around her right eye. He assumes it’s from Maria two weeks ago when she served Annie, and he can’t help but chuckle internally.

Coming into this, he had expected to feel angry or frustrated, but to his surprise, he feels nothing. He can’t pinpoint his emotions, which is something he didn’t think was going to happen. Annie catches his gaze and gives him a cocky smile, unaware of the turmoil in Joel's mind. As they sit on separate sides of the courtroom, a sense of uneasiness lingers between them, making Joel question everything he thought he knew about their relationship.

Despite her trying her best to have this put-together appearance, only Joel can sense that she isn’t quite sober either. There’s a certain aura about her, a subtle hint of her struggles with casinos and drinking. After being with her for twenty years, Joel just knows.

Her clothes hang loosely on her small, skinny frame, but tight enough to think they’re just old clothes, if you don’t know her. Joel has always been attuned to Annie's moods, able to see through her facade and into the depths of her struggles. As he watches her from across the room, he knows that despite her best efforts to hide it, she’s still caught in the spiral of addiction, unable to break free from its grasp.

But he doesn’t feel bad, not in the slightest.

As the courtroom falls silent, Renae stands confidently before Judge Mark, ready to defend Joel. "Good morning, your honor," she speaks with a warm smile, earning a nod of acknowledgment from the judge. "We're here today because Mr. Miller filed for divorce and is trying to get full custody of his ten-year-old daughter."

Renae's heart races as she gives a brief introduction of the reasons why Sarah’s best interest is remaining with her father full time. “Mrs.Miller is an addict in more ways than one,” Renae says, and grabs photos and screenshots showcasing Annie's reckless behavior - drinking to the point of blackout, sneaking out in the dead of night, and gambling away her and Joel’s savings at the casinos.

“Here are some photos and screenshots of how frequent these kinds of things happen, your honor.” The judge studies the evidence with a grave expression, realizing the extent of the situation. “It’s clear that Mrs. Miller's addiction is spiraling out of control, affecting not just herself but everyone around her.”

However, Garcia Cole doesn’t waste any time before he’s arguing his side, or Annie’s side, of things. “That may be true before Mr. Miller filed,” Cole announces, “But Mrs. Miller has turned a new leaf. She’s been attending AA meetings for the past two months and plans on continuing going.”

He stands up as he stares between Renae and the Judge, “Casinos have been off limits to her also, same as alcohol. Here are the signed slips from each one, your honor.” Walking up the bench, he hands over the stack of papers as he says, “She’s ready to take care of her daughter.”

Renae's eyes widen in disbelief as Cole presents the evidence of Mrs. Miller's newfound commitment to sobriety and her daughter's well-being, though Renae knows, is all a facade and nothing but bullshit.

The Judge observes the sincerity in Cole's voice and the determination in Mrs. Miller's eyes.

After a moment of silence, the Judge nods, acknowledging the transformation that has taken place. Renae feels a small punch in the gut, but she knows this is only the start of things.

But then Cole drops the hammer and goes for it.

“Mrs. Miller requests physical and sole custody of Sarah Miller because she feels Mr.Miller is not safe for their daughter to be around.” He states as he addresses Judge Mark, Renae, and Joel in one swoop.

Renae senses Joel's protective aura and her own rising anger. She couldn't fathom Sarah being safer with anyone else but Joel. Annie's motives were suddenly suspect to Renae, and she impulsively, but smartly, demanded evidence to back Mrs. Miller's and Cole’s claims.

As Cole confidently approached the Judge's bench, Renae leaped up to join him, her heart racing with anticipation. "I was not aware of this, your honor. If anything, it's prejudice," she declared, trying to make sense of the unexplained picture of minor bruises on Annie’s biceps, looking like finger impressions.

Renae is enraged about Joel not telling her about this incident, whatever it is. She had explicitly asked him if Annie would have any evidence of things like this, to specifically make him look bad. In which he told her that Annie wouldn’t.

With a dismissive snort, Cole turns to Renae then to Judge Mark, his expression intense. "C’mon Russo… You really think this doesn’t hold weight? It's more probative than prejudice, your honor. My client fears for her daughter's safety if this is how he treats her. What will he do to their daughter?"

The tension in the courtroom was palpable as the judge pondered the weight of Cole's words, and Renae anxiously awaits his answer.

“I’ll allow it,” Judge Mark sighs, “Mr. Miller, can you explain these?” He shows the pictures to Joel, whose ears are flaming red. But his eyes adjust to the lights and the small ten by ten picture and Renae she’s something in his eyes click just then, like he instantly remembers the incident.

“I do your honor,” he clears his throat, “That was the night she was blackout drunk and came at me with a knife, while Sarah was home, might I add.“

“He’s lying!”

“Mrs. Miller,” Judge Mark scolds her and then tells Joel to continue, folding his hands underneath his chin.

“Well, I managed to get the knife outta her hand and had to hold her down, which is where those marks are.” Joel gestures towards the pictures that Judge Mark has, “She managed to get out of my grip and so I had to put her arm behind her back and hold her there until she calmed down.”

“Do you have proof of this incident?”

“I’m sure I have texts to my brother about it, if you can give me some time to look.”

Judge Mark glances at the clock on the wall to his left and sits in silence for just a few seconds, fifteen minute recess, he announces as he slams his gavel loudly, you’re adjourned.

—

Renae storms into the small office she has at the courthouse, her eyes blazing with fury. "Why didn't you tell me about this?" she demands, slamming the picture on the maple wood table, "I explicitly asked you if Annie would have any evidence to make you look bad!"

Joel looks sheepish, avoiding her gaze. "I didn't think it was relevant," he mumbles, “Or at least… I burned it from my memory. The one and only time I had to put my hands on her.” He flips the picture over so he doesn’t have to look at it again, clearly ashamed of it.

Renae clenches her fists, trying to control her anger. She knows Joel isn’t a violent person, but the judge doesn’t know that for sure. This incident could ruin everything they had been working for.

“Joel. Everything is relevant right now, you know this.” She scolds, taking a deep breath after. “Like your texts to Tommy, can you find them, please.” She can’t sit down, she’s too on edge to even think about sitting. Renae hasn’t been beaten like this in court since she started her career and it was against Garcia Cole.

It’s like some sort of crazy deja vu and she’s not liking it at all.

"Yeah, gimme about five minutes to find it,” Joel tries to calm Renae down as he scrolls on his phone through his and Tommy’s texts. Renae scoffs to herself, she almost feels played by Joel, she can’t believe that he forgot to tell her this. This kind of thing is so important for an attorney to know and that fact that she didn’t, makes her work look lazy.

As she paces back and forth in the dimly lit room, her heels click on the hardwood floor and her mind races with all the possible implications of Joel's forgetfulness. How could he have missed such a crucial detail? Is he trying to hide something? What’s the benefit from doing that? There really is none. Renae's frustration simmers beneath the surface, stopping from threatening to boil over at any moment.

She knows she needs to confront Joel about this, but for now, she'll bide her time and wait for him to find the information she needs. There’s no point in blowing up on him for this now, now when this is all over, that’s another story.

"Aha, I found it!” Joel exclaims, with his phone in both hands he stands up from his seat causing the wood to scrape against the floor.

“Let me see,” Renae turns around from the window, she snatches it out of his hands and reads his short message to his brother.

Can Sarah and I come over for the night? Annie and I just got into it…she tried to stab me man. Nobody’s hurt but I gotta get out of here before somethin happens.

Renae stands there, her heart heavy with the weight of regret. The fury that once consumed her has now dissipated, leaving behind a deep sense of sympathy for Joel. His warm eyes hold a mixture of pain, but also a glimmer of forgiveness and hope that surprises her. As he slowly reaches out to touch her, he half expects her to recoil after learning this information, but instead, she stands still, letting his hands rest on her biceps.

“I’m- Joel… I’m sorry-“ she tries to convey her remorse before Joel's soft voice interrupts her, calming her inner turmoil.

"Don't, Rae... It's okay," he says gently, his gaze unwavering. And in that moment, Renae realizes that despite the small indiscretions, there is still a bond between them – a connection that goes past the brief anger and frustration.

—

Renae sits quietly in the courtroom as Judge Mark meticulously reads through the print out of the text exchange between Joel and his brother. Her stomach twists and her mouth is dry, she’s not sure how the Judge is going to react to this. Even though it’s all in Joel’s favor, the ultimate decision is up to the Judge and only him.

She carefully observes the expressions on the Judge's face, noticing the subtle shifts from surprise to empathy. As the message is scrutinized, Renae feels a small sense of assurance growing within her.

She knows that Judge Mark is starting to comprehend the complex web of circumstances that had led Joel to take drastic actions. She sees the wheels turning in his head that this is all a lie from Annie and a ploy to try to sway his decision.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, the Judge looks up, locking eyes with Renae. In that moment, she senses a shared understanding between them. Despite the gravity of the situation, Renae feels a glimmer of hope that justice would prevail.

"Mrs. Miller, is there anything else you would like to provide?" Judge Mark asks into the courtroom, but mainly to his left.

“She has a two-bedroom condo that includes a room just for Sarah, and she started her job at her salon shop again.” Cole rolls off his tongue, but Renae senses the tone of defeat in his voice. “But other than that, we rest, your honor.”

Annie shakes her head in defeat, then turns towards Joel with a sad expression. Her eyes plead with him, silently begging for forgiveness or even a bit of leniency in this whole situation.

But Joel looks away, unable to meet her gaze, his heart heavy from the fact this even had to happen, even though he feels relaxed that it’s over. The air in the courtroom feels thick and sticky, suffocating him with its heaviness, and Joel longs to escape and never look back.

The thought of ever returning to this place makes his stomach churn with unease, a deep sense of discomfort settles in. Joel closes his eyes, trying to push away the feeling of sickness that threatens to engulf him, longing for the moment when he can walk out of that courtroom and leave this all behind him.

The Judge clears his throat, breaking the momentary stillness. "Very well. In light of the evidence presented, I have reached a decision."

Renae's trembling hand motions for Joel to silently stand by her side as Judge Mark prepares to deliver his decision. Garcia Cole does the same with Annie, common court courtesy. Renae's heart races in anticipation. Her mind spins with desperate pleas for Joel to be granted custody of his daughter, the one bright light in Sarah’s tumultuous lives.

Joel's eyes meet hers, filled with a mix of hope and fear, mirroring the emotions swirling within Renae. Then swiftly focus back on the deep voice that determines Joel's life in front of him.

As Judge Mark begins to speak, every word feels like an eternity, hanging in the air, heavy with implications. And then, finally, the words that they had been praying for.

“I grant Joel Miller sole legal and physical custody of Sarah Miller.”

Tears of relief and gratitude fill Renae's eyes as she squeezes Joel's hand, knowing that Joel got what he wished for, and rightfully deserved.

Joel can’t believe his ears as the Judge pronounces the decision in his favor, granting him sole legal and physical custody of Sarah. It’s the outcome he has hoped for, and the result of countless nights of worry and stress over the last four months has finally paid off. But the Judge's next words catch Joel off guard.

"However, I also grant Annie visitation every other weekend."

Joel's heart sinks at the mention of his ex-wife's name. The memories flood back - the good times, the bad times, and everything in between. Despite the mixed emotions swirling inside him, he knows that it’s the right thing for Sarah to have a relationship with her mother. Sarah deserves to know her roots, her history, her mother.

So, with a heavy heart and a mind full of conflicting thoughts, Joel makes the decision to just accept this and move on. The arrangement is set - pickups early Saturday mornings and drop-offs by Sunday evening, no later than eight pm.

As Joel looks into Renae’s eyes, he knows that despite the challenges ahead, he’ll navigate this new chapter to the best of his ability.

—

Standing in the parking lot, Renae leaning on her car and Joel doing the same, but on his truck. Side by side with one another, Renae doesn’t want to leave. The cool evening breeze sweeps through the small empty space between them, carrying the faint scent of pine trees. Renae's heart feels heavy as she looks up at the dusky pink sky, knowing that this moment might be the last time she sees Joel.

Joel senses Renae's hesitation and reaches out to gently touch her hand. Her forest eyes and his whiskey ones meet, sparking a silent conversation that speaks volumes. Time seems to stand still as they stand there, unwilling to look away. She knows she has to go, but something holds her back.

Maybe it’s the way Joel looks at her with his soft brown orbs, or it’s the memories of their minuscule time together flooding back. Renae doesn’t want to leave, and doesn't want to say goodbye to what could have been or could be.

As the sun rests above the courthouse, Joel pulls Renae close, feeling the weight of the moment settle upon him. They stand in the quiet embrace, both reluctant to let go of the memories they shared these past four months.

Joel can feel the tears welling up in his eyes, but he blinks them away, not wanting to show his vulnerability. Letting go of Renae was proving to be harder than he thought. He never expected to become so attached. This woman has rescued him and his daughter from his toxic ex-wife, and for the first time in years, he feels truly understood by a woman. Renae looks up at him, still in his arms, her eyes reflecting a mixture of sadness and gratitude.

"Thank you for everything, Rae," Joel murmurs to Renae, his voice barely above a whisper. “But ya’ know this means we can now, maybe… Get serious.”

Butterflies flutter in her stomach but instantly die. She reluctantly slides out of his warm embrace and takes a small step away from him.

There’s no way that can happen right now, Joel needs time with his daughter and needs to figure out his life as a single dad.

She doesn’t feel it’s fair for him to jump right into the next relationship, especially that he has a daughter at a highly impressionable age.

She smiles softly, her right hand reaching up to cup his cheek, her acrylics softly scratch his deep brown beard, and her eyes glisten with unshed tears. "Don't thank me, Joel," she whispers, her voice barely audible, purposefully avoiding the last part of his sentence, "I did what I had to do.”

Joel takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself. His left hand raises to where Renae rests on him, the touch gentle yet filled with longing. "You saved me," he says, his voice breaking with emotion. "I woulda’ been lost without you. You saved me ‘n my daughter, that’s all I coulda’ asked for."

“As much as I want to be with you… Joel,” she sighs into his gentle touch, “It just can’t happen right now, you just divorced and have a ten year old girl who loves you and needs you. I can’t get in between that. It’s not fair to her, you, or me.”

Renae's heart aches as she looks into Joel's eyes, feeling the pull of their connection. Despite the yearning for him swirling within her, she knows that the timing is all wrong. She can’t bring herself to disrupt the fragile balance of his newly divorced life and his daughter's need for stability. The love between them was undeniable, but yet their circumstances make it impossible for them to be together.

Joel's touch holds a mixture of longing and understanding as he whispers softly, "I know it's complicated ‘n all, but my feelings for you are real, Rae and I won’t deny that. When the time is right, we’ll find a way to make it work."

Renae forces a bittersweet smile, touched by his sincerity. With a heavy heart, she pulls away from his cheek, knowing that for now, they have to part ways to do what is best for everyone involved.

Renae's eyes meet him again, a mixture of sorrow and love shining battling for the throne. "But… We saved each other," she replies softly.

"We'll always have these moments, Joel. No matter where life takes us," Renae whispers back, her voice filled with love and understanding. Joel softly chuckles and a warm smile grows on his lips, and then it’s like time stands still.

Finally, Renae breaks the silence, her voice barely a whisper, "I don't wanna say goodbye." Joel's gaze softens, and he pulls her into one more tight embrace.

The world seems to fade away once again as they hold each other, savoring the moment before they have to part ways. The memories of their time together flood back to both of them, filling their hearts with a bittersweet ache that they can both feel through one another.

For Renae, leaving was inevitable, yet she can’t bear the thought of being separated from Joel. Their love, even though they haven’t told each other, has blossomed unexpectedly, catching them both by surprise. As they stand there, wrapped in each other's arms, they know that this goodbye was not the end, but possibly a new beginning.

Just not together, at least right now.

As Renae reluctantly lets go of Joel, she softly sighs, I gotta get home. He nods his head and takes a small step back to give her space, drive safely, text me when you’re home please. She smiles and tells him she will.

Hesitantly, Renae hops into her car and starts it, she looks to her left one more time and sees Joel, still out of his truck, already looking at her. She gives a hopeful smile and a small wave, which he returns. She tells herself to pull away, just drive off, and somehow she does.

Renae can’t shake off the bittersweet feeling as she drives away. Her heart feels heavy, but she knows it’s the right decision and the only decision. As the distance between her and Joel grows, she can’t help but replay the moment in her mind.

The hopeful smile on his face lingers in her thoughts, filling her with conflicting emotions. A part of her wants to turn back, to stay and see where things could lead, but another part knows it’s time to move on. She keeps driving, the road stretching out ahead of her like a blank canvas. With each passing mile, she feels a sense of freedom and a twinge of sadness.

Why does the world need to be so cruel?

—

With every passing day, it seems Joel has an incredibly difficult time letting go of Renae. The last thing he ever expected was becoming attached to his divorce attorney. It’s only been three weeks since the last time they've seen each other, and a couple days that they stopped calling one another, but he’s found himself unable to stop thinking about her.

Her laughter echoes in his mind, her smile still lighting up his world. They had shared intimate conversations and created unforgettable memories together in the short four months, so how could he ever just let her go?

Before court started, Joel knew he would have to leave her but he didn’t think he would’ve struggled with the idea of saying goodbye. When he watched her drive away, leaving him in the parking lot to go home, Joel realized that sometimes, the hardest part of love is knowing when to set it free.

Now, on a warm sunny Saturday, Joel sits at the park watching Sarah play with Ellie on the monkey bars, feeling the weight of his responsibilities as a single dad. Renae's words echo in his mind, that he needs time to adjust to his new life as a single dad. Her words sting since he’s pretty much been one for the last four-five years anyways.

As he sits on one of the many park benches and stares off into space and he wonders why she really didn’t want to be with him, Sarah tugs at his sleeve, a wide grin on her face. In her innocent eyes, he finds the strength to push aside his doubts and focus on what truly matters - his daughter's happiness. Joel knows he needs to navigate this new chapter with care and consideration, not just for himself but for her.

Although, Renae's words linger, a reminder of the delicate balance between his own desires and his daughter's well-being. As he holds Sarah’s hand, Joel makes a silent promise to tread carefully, embracing the uncertainty of this new journey as a true single father. Not a husband who does everything.

As they walk towards Joel's truck, Sarah can’t shake off the feeling that something’s wrong with her dad. She glances at him, his face etched with lines that she hasn’t noticed in a long time.

"You alright, dad?" she asks, tightening her grip on his hand. Ellie senses the tension, and gives Sarah a reassuring smile.

Joel pauses and looks at her, his eyes reflecting a mixture of emotions. "I'm fine, sweetie," he finally replies, forcing a smile. But Sarah can tell he’s hiding something. As Joel opens the truck door and lets the girls climb in, buckling themselves up before he shuts the door and walks over to the driver side. His mind is racing, how can Sarah tell? How can his ten-year-old daughter know that something is wrong? He thought he was better at hiding his emotions.

As he drives down the road, Joel steals glances at Sarah and Ellie through the rearview mirror. They're both laughing about something on the playground they saw, and Joel smiles. The sun is setting, casting a warm glow on their faces, and Joel feels a surge of love for his daughter and her best friend. He remembers the struggles they've been through, the joys they've shared, and the bond that holds them together.

Sarah looks up and catches Joel's eye in the mirror. She gives him a wide grin, her eyes sparkling with mischief. Ellie chimes in, asking if they can stop for McDonald’s, even though Joel hates when they eat junk food, he figures today will be okay and that it won’t hurt them. They deserve a small treat, he reasons.

As Ellie's persistent cravings for McDonald's reach its peak, Joel finally surrenders with a defeated chuckle. "Alright, we can stop," he concedes, knowing there’s no way around it. Ellie and Sarah’s eyes light up with excitement as they pull into the drive-thru, both their mouths already watering at the thought of their favorite fast food place.

Joel can’t help but smile at their enthusiasm, realizing that sometimes giving in to simple pleasures is what makes life all the more enjoyable. As they sit in the car waiting for their order, Joel can’t help but be grateful for these ordinary moments that bring him and his daughter, and Ellie, closer together since the divorce.

[found-family-tournament]

Found Family Tournament Round 1 Part 13 Group 61

Propaganda and further pictures under the cut

Nightchord25: Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Mizuki Akiyama & Ena Shinonome

Wayfarer's Crew: Rosemary, Ashby, Sissix, Jenks, Lovey, Corbin, Dr. Chef, Ohan

Submissions are still open!

Nightchord25:

Usually in Project Sekai, I don’t really have any people I ship as a polycule,..well except Nightchord25. And there’s good reason for that too because there bonds with each other is just so…mwah. But anyways, why are they found family you may ask? Well they’re 4 mentally ill teenagers so plenty hurt and comfort there. There’s Kanade Yoisaki a girl who’s mom died at a young age and father is in the hospital because of stress. Kanade blames herself for her father’s hospital trip and compensates for it developing a savior complex, becoming a hikikomori who creates music in an attempt to “save people.” Her lifestyle is quite unhealthy as she spends most of her time creating music neglecting food and sleep. Next, Mafuyu Asahina the lyricist and arranger who has a “good girl” facade but in reality is unhappy and empty as she lacks an identity due to her mother’s manipulative behavior causing her to be a people pleaser. She’s spent her whole life pleasing others that she’s forgotten her own self, that she wants to be when she grows up? Well her parents want her to become a doctor but she truly doesn’t know. Thirdly is Mizuki Akiyama, the video editor. Despite Mizuki’s cheerful and peppy demeanor which contrast the other characters, Mizuki is an incredibly lonely person and is ostracized at school. This is because Mizuki is heavily implied to be biologically male despite dressing in feminine clothes. There’s a lot of debate on Mizuki’s gender identity but one thing for sure is that because of Mizuki’s looks, the students around them think of Mizuki as weird and strange. Lastly but not least is Ena Shinonome, the artist, Ena’s a very blunt person with a bit of a tsundere personality. Despite her outgoing demeanor she is also surprise, surprise, depressed. Ena has a social media account to that’s quite popular but what really matters to her more is her art account which barely gets any followers. Ena is an aspiring artist, wanting to become professional. But she struggles with her lack of talent as well as her inferiority complex because of her dad brutally telling her that she can’t make it in the art world and that she has no talent for it. Which…while I get what he’s trying to say as he is also an artist,..that isn’t exactly the best thing for him to do.Now that I’ve introduced you the cast, what’s there relationship like? Kanade has a special bond with Mafuyu as when Kanade and the others discovered that Mafuyu’s happy mask was a hoax and in reality she’s lost all hope and is empty, Kanade vows to help her find her true self which at first by creating more songs. Mafuyu denies the help but eventually gives in. Throughout the story Kanade learns to understand Mafuyu more and aaahh we see Mafuyu start to crack a smile every once in a while because of Kanade’s music. Kanade has also helped Ena by giving her encouragement with her art as Kanade genuinely likes Ena’s art and Kanade is the only person who Ena never bickers with. Mizuki has also helped out Kanade alot with them pushing Kanade out of her shell and making her go to places more. Mizuki finds comfort in n25 as they’re Mizuki’s only friends which why it hurts them so much as they fear that they will leave Mizuki if they found out their secret. In this way, Mafuyu and Mizuki foil eachother with Mafuyu being her true self with Nightchord meanwhile Mizuki hides their secret from Nightchord cuz of their fear of possible backlash. Both of them out on a facade one way or another. Ena ended up sensing that Mizuki was hiding something and in the end tells Mizuki that she’ll be waiting as long as Mizuki wants to tell their secret one day which makes Mizuki feel even more guilty. Now Ena’s relationship with the Mafuyu. At first Ena doesn’t understand Mafuyu. She doesn’t understand why she’d wanna disappear when Mafuyu is so talented which is something that she wants. While they definitely didn’t get along in the beginning slowly but surely they started understanding n being friends<33. There’s probably more I missed but I’m sooo tired lmfao

Wayfarer's Crew:

Sorry, I got no propaganda for them yet :(

[vroomgogh]

i know there’s theories floating now about the chainsaw man imposter, but consider: the denji we've been seeing the ENTIRETY of part 2 is NOT our denji (up until that latest chap 111 panel with him+dogs+nayuta). gonna call him denj-ii.

so far, the overarching theme of p2 is duality (asa-yoru, denji the individual-chainsaw man the public hero, nayuta-makima). so keeping this in mind:

many of us were somewhat disappointed with the disjunct between denji at the end of part 1 vs denji’s regression into “horny shounen chr” in part 2 (esp after his narrative arc in part 1 was how his misguided desire for sexual interaction--manipulated and exploited repeatedly--was ultimately rooted in a deep need for love, connection, approval (his childhood’s utter absence of which). that emotional intimacy (comforting a traumatised Power, the hollowness of “winner!”, general hayakawa family) was more important than sexual fulfilment. sure, a compelling argument can be made that his regression is a coping mechanism for the unbridled trauma of part 1, and denji’s running on autopilot, desperate for any facade of normalcy. but, i’m leaning towards this part 2 denj-ii being a superficial replica, who doesn’t understand true loss and growth, who only sees the public image of a hormonal teenager and an attention-loving vigilante. a pieced together pale imitation of the original. a straw man.

beyond this, everyone who knew denji on a personal level and would be able to discern an imposter is either dead, or has a marked absence so far in part 2 (w the exception of Yoshida, who only met denji briefly in international assassins arc, denj-ii not even knowing/remembering this encounter). kishibe who is probably denji’s legal guardian? nowhere to be seen. nayuta who is denji’s responsibility to raise and love and essentially new family? no mention. honestly I think it’s kishibe’s idea to plant an imposter denj-ii, to keep the real one safe from whatever private organisation/ agencies are keeping tabs (like the one Yoshida’s working for). better the devil you know right? why look past the surface.

on a literary standpoint for the case of denji and denj-ii, it’s Fujimoto introducing us to this caricature, lulling us into believing this imposter, before pulling the wool from our eyes and rugs from our feet and reinforcing what he’s always been telling us: people aren't always who you think they are. 

it's the POV being dominated by asa and not denj-ii, because it's about an individual who wears your face, who is both you and not, who knows you without actually knowing you.

EDIT: well i guess fuckin not!

[k00ps]

(Spoilers for Taxi Driver Season 2)

I meant to post this when I initially finished the show, but I had some issues with Taxi Driver 2 (the kdrama).

It very much seemed like a cash grab compared to the first season and you can tell based on the writing, the characters, the predictable storylines, and don’t even get me started on that random lady who showed up at the end of the show just to save the Rainbow Crew.

But anyways what I want to address is On Ha Joon and his character arc. What it was and how it could’ve been better.

On Ha Joon was by far the most interesting character of that season. He most definitely snatched the spotlight from the other characters on several occasions. He was probably the only character who had any real significant personal change.

His character is a representation of one of the themes that Taxi Driver highlighted the whole show: found family. His experience with the cult and Father is a reflection of Kim Do Gi and his loving found family with the Rainbow Crew. This is consistently shown through the loving, fun, and compassionate nature of the Rainbow Crew, vs the distant relationships based on power, material gain, and fear of the cult family.

I feel Ha Joon’s arc was okay, but had so much potential to be better. Like the setup was right there, so I want to walk through some parts of the show and what I would change.

Ha Joon’s introduction is through his infiltration of the taxi job. He is initially presented as naive, innocent, kind, hard-working, enthusiastic, and attentive. However it is soon revealed to be that he is simply someone who can easily put up a facade. Someone who is cold and calculating, but has the capacity to lose his cool and respond with rage. As the show progresses, he becomes more and more violent and frustrated, willing to take extreme measures to remove anything he feels is in his way. He already knows who the Rainbow Crew are as he’s already done quite a bit of research into them. This is all for the sake of entertainment, but also because they could pose a future problem.

Now I *thought* they would go down the route of having Ha Joon experience what true family feels like, through his interaction with Mr. Jang actually caring about his well-being. He even expressed interested “befriending” Do Gi. However, I guess the writers decided to double down on his role as primary antagonist, because Ha Joon completely rejected these ideas of connection to remain fixed on his current way of life and appeal of Father. I would scrap this.

Instead, I think Ha Joon should have had individual bonding moments with every character of the Rainbow Crew, in addition to group outings. Each interaction would chip away at his idea of what a family is and make him question the dynamic he has in the cult. As he spends more and more time with them, his affinity for them would grow, so much so that he might not even want to harm them anymore. This would even be a good place for him to learn about Kim Do Gi’s fatal flaw (the whistle) through Do Gi being vulnerable, instead of him just breaking into the house and seeing it. Kim Do Gi would now have someone new he can be vulnerable with after so long, looking at Ha Joon as a little brother figure.

Then, as the Rainbow Crew continues to ruin the cult members’ enterprises, the stakes would increase as Father’s frustration increases. This would further put pressure on Ha Joon because he would be put in a position where he has to ruin the people who treated him with love and acceptance, or else be faced with dire consequences.

In addition to this, instead of giving the audience suspense bait through Ha Joon *almost* discovering the Rainbow Cave, I would make him actually discover it. This would *force* the Rainbow Crew to be honest with him, and after some cautious deliberation and arguing, they would be fully transparent. They could even use this moment to make Do Gi a little suspicious of how much Ha Joon actually knows until it’s fully revealed that he is apart of the cult.

Now we move forward to Ha Joon being pressed by Father to the point of “killing” Do Gi. Now instead of parading Ha Joon around like a proud villain, they could use this moment to reveal just how much he cherished his moments with them. The decision he made ended someone’s life and that someone was a person he cared about. Someone he looked up to. In addition to leaving his job at the taxi company having “completed” his mission, the subtext of the scene is that he is also leaving because the guilt of staying is too great. As the cult and Father relish in the happiness of having defeated the problem, he stands there in agony. This agony channels itself into frustration and mild forms of self destruction that get worse as the Black Sun arc progresses. This way, when things go to shit, there is *more* of a reason to blame Ha Joon, because everyone has noticed the obvious changes in his behavior.

At the same time, the Rainbow Crew, and specifically Do Gi, suffer from Ha Joon’s betrayal. They realize Ha Joon is an enemy, and sulk in the fact they let someone like him in. Do Gi especially takes this personally. This would make the reunion at Black Sun be more impactful, because not only would Ha Joon essentially feel relieved that Do Gi is alive, but now Do Gi is forced to treat him like every other villain. There’s is a lot more emotion tied into the scene than before.

Ofc atp the Rainbow Crew still doesn’t know about Father, so they don’t know that Ha Joon’s action are primarily caused from that, though this fact doesn’t remove blame. When they discover this, they feel some sort of sympathy for Ha Joon, but they do not forgive him. This does however, give *more* of a reason for Mr. Jang to do his research on Ha Joon’s past, thus that part of the show remains the same.

The story can also utilize the fact that Ha Joon knows the Rainbow Crew’s base, but is deliberately not mentioning it.

Regardless, we press on with the Prison Arc, the Rainbow Crew getting snatched and Do Gi becoming trapped.

This is where I would add another large change. Ha Joon manipulates the prison cages, but instead of doing it with glee, you can visibly see the internal struggle of having to do this to Do Gi. The warden is a reflection of the audience in this scene, because he can clearly see this struggle while standing in the room. The external struggle of Do Gi fighting, and the internal struggle of Ha Joon and his decisions. When Do Gi reaches the room and reveals the villainous plans were foiled, the culmination of all this internal struggle manifests through Ha Joon pulling the gun on him.. however, he is ultimately unable to pull the trigger. The power of the loving found family peeks its head out, then this theme is further exemplified through Father punishing and essentially removing Ha Joon from the cult.

He is now put in a position of isolation due to his failures, but the subtext is this situation is really due to his inability to commit to either family. Just like the original, he is shunned as the cult members turn their backs on him and Father rejects him. His family that he has known for so long no longer wants or needs him, and in a last act of desperation, he gives Father knowledge of Do Gi’s fatal flaw. Not only would this appeal to Father, but it would also make Father wonder why Ha Joon never used it to begin with.

We continue with the scene of Mr. Jang meeting with Ha Joon and telling him his past. This is a breakthrough turning point for him, as the realization of him being kidnapped and then manipulated to kill his own father would shatter his perception of the cult as his found family. Him killing his own father would be a reflection of him “killing” Do Gi, essentially showing he made the mistake of killing family who loved and supported him not once, but twice. This would firmly push him to the side of the Rainbow Crew, but they would not overtly say this just yet.

We move forward to when the entirety of the Rainbow Crew is captured and about to die. Father looks upon them and laughs, while Ha Joon stands on the side watching one family dominate the other. He is now faced with one last decision that will decide the fate of both of his found families. At the 11th hour, Ha Joon, unable to deny his feelings any longer, would somehow save the Rainbow crew, standing up to Father, and choosing love over power/fear. Do Gi and the others watch as someone they gave all their support to stands up for *them* rather than the other way around. The writers could still have him die in the process if they so choose, essentially having him sacrifice himself for this new found family. He could also use this moment to *choose* to use his original name, with the Rainbow Crew validating him by calling him as such. This would solidify the theme of the power of a found family’s love and what a true found family looks like.

I feel this ending would eliminate the need to have that random lady from Japan save them. It would also require the deletion of that last little showdown between Do Gi and Ha Joon, but that’s the price I’m willing to pay.

Ha Joon was my fav character and I feel he deserved so much better. These changes would present him as a conflicted character, forced to bounce between two families with heavily contrasting dynamics. As his internal struggles grow, so do the consequences of his actions, until he is finally pushed to fight for a family that truly loves him rather than one that uses and manipulates him.

[polyamorouspunk]

I wonder if those idiots would say that to my Rromani mother who listens to Lynyrd Skynyrd and Motorhead.

A Rroma who was legally forced out of her own home by French authorities (in a literal go back to your country) in 2010 and had a brother go missing because he protested and had grandparents who died in the resistance at Birkenau. The only reason she wasn't "repatriated" to Romania (which she was never from her family had always lived in France) was due to her marriage to my American GI father. Oh yeah I was also stolen from her at three months because "gypsies make terrible mothers". Go on tell her that she deserves to die for being a "fascist" for trying to reclaim some of this imagery. I think our mothers are both better representations of punk than op.

Sorry you had to deal with that pal (pal meaning brother in Rromanes and not friend like English). *hugs*

Thank you for teaching me a bit of Romanian (is that the correct way to say it, I see some of your words have two r’s in them) culture!

I feel like personally some of “online” culture is too much “denouncing” things that are bad to make sure that you curate the perfect image online (for example: there are probably opinions and stuff I have that I will NEVER be sharing on here because I already get eaten alive on this blog for what I do share). That it’s more important to dissolve family ties and maintain a perfect image of “Punk Purity” if you will than to actually have the hard conversations about things that are not always black and white (like family ties to people who support you even while being “problematic” vs other trans punks on tumblr.com who will tell you to kill them because oopsies sometimes people uh idk aren’t perfect? SHOCKING). There’s so much EFFORT that goes into maintaining a “punk facade of perfection”. Like man it’s almost like purism but in a different way. Like instead of “we can’t have kink at pride” it’s like “can’t listen to true crime because it’s all exploitative and all of it paints cops in a good light and it’s all cop propaganda” like idk posts about that kind of stuff I see. Like make all the patches you want and post all the trans art you want but are you actually like. Nice to people. Idk.

The people who change the world and make history are not these sanitized perfect people. Having “all the right opinions” doesn’t make you punk. Being nice to people does. I’m waiting for someone to be like “actual Martin Luther King Jr. was problematic and we shouldn’t support him anymore because-” or some stupid shit like that. Like ya’ll I’m not perfect and people need to stop threatening me, sending me hate, etc. or whatever because oh my god [insert whatever drama I got dragged into this time] was problematic.

I love you, and your family, they sound like amazing tough people, I’m glad the ones that survived did to make you and I’m joining you in this little tiny moment of answering your ask to mourn the ones that didn’t. On the topic of true crime as someone who DOES listen to it (the last episode I listened to was literally just then shitting on the Bridgeport Connecticut police department and how awful they are at their jobs and talking about how systematically racist they are) I’m going to put effort into looking into some Romanian (I hope I’m saying that right) cases and maybe putting them out on my own true crime blog to bring attention to the plight that Romanian people have faced historically and still face.

[justanotherfanaccount]

Pain Triangle (Pt. 1)

Kaz vs Wylan vs Nikolai (it's like a love triangle but less romantic and more traumatic)

So I originally made this post for a social media class I was taking... but I worked so hard on it I decided to post it anyways so... be kind please! This is just my opinion!

In all seriousness though, these three characters have a lot of similarities we need to talk about. Leigh Bardugo had them mirror each other in such a beautiful way. I’m not saying they are all the same character, because they are not… obviously, but each of them has a way of showing the contrast within themselves. Let me just get into it, it’ll be a lot easier.

I’m going to break this into three separate posts because I have a lot to talk about so we’ll start with:

Wylan VS Kaz

People have been comparing these two boys since the books came out. (Some right, some wrong, but who am I to break down YOUR opinions, it’s my turn). Though from the surface these two characters couldn’t be more different, when you peel back the facade they each have you learn more about their inner workings.

An example of this is how in both of their childhoods they lost, or believed to have lost, a family member. Kaz losing Jordie, his brother, and Wylan losing his mother. Though the real comparison to these is how they lost these people: betrayal. Betrayal from someone they thought they could trust. 

Wylan’s own father faked his mothers death in order to pave the way for the plan of killing his son, and letting the world forget of his existence. Before this, Wylan’s mother was the only one that stood up for him about his intelligence and worth. With her gone, Van Eck, his father, could focus on creating a new image for himself, without her, or Wylan.

Though Kaz’s betrayal wasn’t from his own father it was from someone similar, his brother. I KNOW! SHOCKING! You all thought I was gonna say Pekka Rollins didn’t you!? 👀 And yes, Pekka did betray him… we all know this, but his true betrayal (one that I doubt Kaz has even considered) is the one from his brother.

When Kaz and Jordie’s father died and they sold the farm to move to the city Kaz was a young boy. He didn’t know anything about city life, or money for that matter and relied fully on Jordie for both of those things, and for protection. Kaz trusted Jordie with everything that he was, looking up to his brother and seeing everything good in him, and none of the bad. Jordie wanted to take the easy way out, though the book does say he looked for work for a bit, he quickly stopped once he got this idea that he could become rich easily through Pekka.

This is a betrayal to Kaz because the person who was supposed to take care of him cared more about money than supporting his brother in a healthy manner. I am NOT putting all the blame on Jordie though, he was still a child himself so even though it did count as a betrayal to Kaz, blaming Jordie fully when Pekka was the villain coercing him is not fair. We all know at the end of the day that Pekka was the true betrayal in Kaz’s life, pretending to be a caring figure in his life only to be using Jordie and Kaz for their money.

(I could spend another thousand years talking about the character analysis of Kaz Brekker and how Pekka and Jordie relate to that but that is NOT what this post is about.)

Continuing with Wylan and Kaz’s similarities they both had a ‘rebirth’ involving water. When Wylan’s father sent hitmen to kill Wylan he survived by jumping off of the boat and into the canal, when he emerged from the water he knew a new life awaited him. He no longer was Wylan Van Eck - son to the Van Eck fortune. He was just Wylan, and he had to create his own path for himself in the barrel.

"My things, he thought nonsensically, my flute. He didn’t stop, not even when his breathing grew ragged and his limbs started to turn numb. He forced himself to drive onward, to put as much distance as he could between himself and his father’s thugs. But eventually, his strength started to give out and he realized he was doing more thrashing than swimming. If he didn’t get to shore, he would drown. He paddled toward the shadows of a bridge and dragged himself from the canal, then huddled, soaked and shaking in the icy cold."

This also happens to Kaz when he has to use his brother’s corpse to swim back to shore. That swim changed him, not only physically by causing his touch aversion, but also had him emerge as Kaz Brekker, he had killed Kaz Reitveld.

“The last hundred yards were hard. The tide had turned once more, and it was working against him. But Kaz had hope now, hope and fury, twin flames burning inside him. They guided him to the dock and up the ladder. When he reached the top, he flopped down on his back on the wooden slats, then forced himself to roll over.”

But Wylan and Kaz are alike not only in their backstories but also in their way of thinking. Though Wylan chooses to be kind to others and doesn’t want to cause harm, and we all know Kaz (he literally ripped someone’s eye out) their brains work similarly. 

They are both loyal to the people they trust. Many of those are the same people: Inej, Jesper, and the other crows. Kaz has, and will kill for those he loves, loyal to a point of issue at some moments. This can be seen in Wylan as well, putting behind his morals for those he loves. In the book‘Rule of Wolves Wylan says he no longer engages in criminal activity until Kaz says it’s for Inej, when Wylan suddenly decides it doesn’t matter what laws he breaks.

“Until this moment, Wylan hadn't quite understood how much they meant to him. His father would have sneered at these thugs and thieves, a disgraced soldier, a gambler who couldn't keep out of the red. But they were his first friends, his only friends, and Wylan knew that even if he'd had his pick of a thousand companions, these would have been the people he chose.”

“I would have come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together-knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that's what we do. We never stop fighting.”

They also do not judge others for who they are. A major reason for this in each of them is because they feel as if their past is worse than others so how could they judge others when they have done terrible things themselves. Wylan thinking his inability to read makes him inferior, and Kaz knowing that he has killed and tortured people.

“Wylan touched his fingers to the bruises at his throat and thought, I wish I could ring for tea. That was the moment he really began to panic. How much more pathetic could he be? His father had tried to have him killed. He had almost no money and was lying on a cot that reeked of the chemicals they’d used to try to rid the mattress of lice. He should be making a plan, maybe even plotting revenge, trying to gather his wits and his resources. And what was he doing? Wishing he could ring for tea. He might not have been happy at his father’s house, but he’d never had to work for anything. He’d had servants, hot meals, clean clothes. Whatever it took to survive the Barrel, Wylan knew he didn’t have it.”

“He knew if he climbed down the ladder and waded back into the sea. he would never find his way out again. He’d simply let himself drown, and that wasn't possible any more. He had to live. Someone had to pay.”

These quotes also show one of the differences between them, Wylan automatically blaming himself, and Kaz blaming others. This shows the mirror aspect just as much as their similarities. They also are both very intellectual, being able to read people easily and trust their gut instincts.

Part 2 || Part 3

[kob131]

Claude, although subtle, DOES have character development. It’s most noticeable in his support with Cyril.

Edelgard, if you ask me, is the one whose character arc needs serious improvement.

I should mention… Verdant Wind was my first route, Azure Moon my second, and Crimson Flower my third.

Verdant Wind-Edelgard made a BAD first impression on me by the end.

Azure Moon-Without spoiling anything… I ended up hating her EVEN MORE after this route.

Crimson Flower prompted SOME thought… and I ultimately decided it did NOT redeem her in my eyes. She comes off less as changing for the better and more as being prevented from changing for the worse. That dialogue you mention about her relaxing her views on the church rings hollow considering this is the only route where the church is more or less completely dismantled, vs reforming on other routes. She overall comes off as remaining static, with her character not changing much, if at all. Not to mention that the story seemingly goes out of its way to ensure her misinformed view of Fodlan history is never challenged. (Which feels more sue-ish to me.)

It’s also kinda funny that you claim Claude’s flaws never screw him over when, in fact, they DO screw him over in any route outside his own! And it’s heavily implied he only really succeeds in his route because he has Byleth on his side. Also… pretty sure his cheerful attitude is a cover for his pain.

Although, I suppose without knowing if you’ve played Azure Moon, or your thoughts on it if you have, I can’t form a full opinion on your thoughts. So I’ll just wait and see.

(BTW, the TRUE Mary Sue in the overall Three Houses canon is Three Hopes!Dimitri)

Okay, before I go anywhere with this, i want to say that I appreciate that you took your time to come and explain yourself to me. Very rarely do I get something like this and instead get preaching to the choir or really bad arguments that don't do shit. So thanks for putting in so much time and effort.

1- I can't deny or affirm this since I didn't GET Cyril in my run. And from what I remember- Claude acts a little more trusting and his facade is more truthful by the end. That doesn't help that Claude is still the guy who gets the most hopeful route when he presents less vulnerability.

2- While I do understand this and I am not going to argue for her on any kind of objective basis here- I do have to say that the Church being dismantled doesn't make her relaxing her views come across as less hollow to me. This kind of stuff would go beyond just the Church since the real problem is the tramua she suffered rather than the Church's issues. Also I can't really think of a way to change it so the Church stays since you need Rhea and Seteth/Flaynn around still. And no fucking way can Edelgard pull off the shit she does and they stick around.

2.5- Going to the history bit- I can understand that. She isn't being challenged here properly and I get that. But my issues with Claude weren't fully detailed in my post so sorry about that.

Another of my big issues is just what was revealed in Verdant Wind: The history of Foldlan, the relics and Rhea's past. This is all stuff that should have been at least shared with the other routes, ESPECIALLY Silver Snow since...you know...that's RHEA'S route and the final boss is NEMESIS, her mother's murderer? Of all the places to have the Agarthans and Nemesis show up, Claude, the guy least affected by them, gets to fight them.

As far as I know, you don't get to get revenge on them for killing Edelgard's family and torturing her, shattering Dimitri's mind and ruining Rhea's life. No, CLAUDE gets the fight.

Again, I could be wrong. My personal experience lacks Azure Moon and Silver Snow. And I know this is emotional and stupid as all hell. But...fucking hell, it REALLY feels like the developers realized Claude was the weakest Lord in terms of character and then shoved the backstory into his route to give you a reason to fight with him.

3- Yeah, the problem there is that from what I've seen, other characters drop their masks but Claude never really does. Just once, can he not have a smile on his face.

And- You'll have to explain how Claude keeping up a facade fucks him over in Crimson Flower. Best I could get there is that without Byleth, Claude's fakeness means no one will rally behind him. Which...doesn't get that much focus compared to Dimitri.

4- I haven't and my memories of Verdant Wind and Crimson Flower are a bit distant since I took about a year to revisit this game. This is kind of why I would like for you to explain the bits about Claude like you did against Edelgard.

Just as well- my thoughts here are just that. My thoughts, not an actual analysis of Three Houses and the routes. In that sense, Claude's route is perfectly functional and works well as a contrast to the more dour routes along with fitting his rouge-like aesthetic and the Golden Deer's more cheerful tone. (That...might just be because of Rapheal though). Claude's development isn't obvious and upfront but it doesn't need it. In fact, Claude's upbeat demeanor is something that can't really be filled by anyone else in the route and is necessary for the tone and unique identity of Verdant Wind. So he works perfectly fine here on an objective level.

You really shouldn't take what I said before as any actual judgement on his character. That was me summing up my year old thoughts on a route I personally didn't like.

Oof, kinda ranted a bit in my earlier ask.

If it makes you feel better, Three Hopes has some… opportunities to vent your frustrations with Claude.

No problem, man. I clearly touched a frayed nerve there and I know all too well the feeling. I should have explained myself better if I didn't want to get a rant after all.

And...if that's a reference to killing Claude, I don't really want that. I want Claude to be vulnerable or for me to snark at him for making jokes about poisoning others. Like dude, I know it's a joke but the fucking diplomats won't care. Probably a good thing I paired him with Ingrid- She can act as the resident Claude translator.

[qlventingspace]

I posted 2,030 times in 2022

That's 2,030 more posts than 2021!

128 posts created (6%)

1,902 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@vegasandhishedgehog

@magicaldreamfox1

@gouinetteparletrop

@fanfictionroxs

@shanhe-tongbei

I tagged 852 of my posts in 2022

#vegaspete - 261 posts

#kinnporsche the series - 135 posts

#the eclipse - 91 posts

#build jakapan - 81 posts

#build my beloved - 74 posts

#pete phongsakorn - 73 posts

#kinnporsche - 70 posts

#biblebuild - 62 posts

#vegas theerapanyakul - 52 posts

#bible wichapas - 50 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#give me emotional turmoil of characters dipped in a hefty amount of interesting plot and wrap it in friends with benefits and i'm gonna eat

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Korn and the mystery chess game

(rant ahead)

One of the things that left me completely 'gaping-like-a-fish surprised, confused, whatthefuck, idonttrust anyone' about the last ep was the brilliancy of Korn vs. Karn/Kan/Gun/Vegas dad.

For my part, until Korn woke from dead and Karn told the mom story from his pov...I totally trusted whatever Korn said (in czech you can say sežrala jsem mu to i s navijákem=i ate everything he gave me, even the fishing rod xD).

In the second reenactment of Nampheungs "death", I didn't believe Karn at all. It felt so out of the character to see Karn so distraught and soft and desperate. P'Ex did amazing job though, because even though I didn't believe Karn's overacting, it did start a seed of doubt in me.

With all the abusive shit he put Vegas through, I was 200% ready to kill him and not trust a single word he says. And yet...

Korn's actions seem dubious at best. And while he compels me to trust him with all the talk about protecting Porsche, Chay and mom, his speech has many, MANY, holes in it.

Starting with: "I wanted to protect my nephews."

Are you sure? Really? REALLY?

You did shitty job with Porsche and even shittier job with Vegas. And offering Vegas his 'love' after shooting Karn? Did he really think Vegas would accept his 'fatherly help' (Korn would gain another chess piece, but would he leave the power in his hands? Vegas is to unpredictable for his taste) OR did he expected and wanted Vegas not to accept so his bodyguards could shoot him and Korn would neatly get rid of the competition?

I don't think he predicted Pete though. (I need to rewatch it to confirm but I think Pete's hesitation was a surprise for him)

I like to think that Korn knows Pete good enough to recognize, that even though he was loyal to major family till now, his loyalties have shifted completely towards Vegas. And even though Pete says he'll be always loyal to major family, I think Korn knows it not to be true. I think the moment anyone would move to actually shoot Vegas, Pete would have shot them AND Korn for putting the order. To support my opinion about this, just look at the scene where Vegas is really shot. Pete didn't even hesitate. He Exploded with rage.

So Pete has become another unpredictable volatile person Korn needs to eliminate from the game. But he's still playing, because even though king is defeated, the queen still stands. So he plays the part of a kind boss who looks after his people (remember Pete's 'khun korn is not cruel, give up to him') and ends it with 'look after Vegas'. Maintaining the facade and ensuring, that if it would come to it, Pete would have at least a sliver of doubt in him (same as Kinn) to sway Vegas not to go against him.

The whole ordeal with Porsche's mom...*sigh*

I really don't know what to even think. What is the truth? Where is the truth? What actually happened?

She trully might be in a shock and not remember anything, not responding to anything, but really Porsche, honey, my dumb naive idiot, doesn't it look too weird and suspicious to you?

The not responding part especially freaks me out.

The whole ep ended somewhat happy. Seemingly everyone got happy ending. So why does it leave a disturbing unsettling feelings in me?

As much as I'm gratefull and 'I'll kiss you on the mouth with tongue' ecstatic about the end VegasPeteMacau scene, I wonder if it wasn't there just to lead our minds away from the mistrust and questions from the Actual last scene - the very suspicious Korn's line and most importantly the empty look from Nampheung.

History is indeed written by victors.

Korn has now two chess pieces he can move how he wants and both of them stand on his side now. Kinn is emotionally attached to his father and Porsche is attached to Kinn. He can manipulate the minor family how he wants.

But. But...

See the full post

69 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

#4

So I've calmed a bit since Saturday and now I bring you my most favourite scenes from the last episode of KP:

Porsche hiding in the cupboard to remember what happened

Erika being a BAMF (!!!)

Arm and Tankhun kicking ass Home alone style

Chan smoking a cigarette before death

Kim casually kicking ass

PorscheKinn vs Gun in the garage

"I'm hungry"

"If I'm gonna die, can it be you who kills me?" (then proceeds trying to do it himself, dumbass)

VegasPeteMacau family supremacy (!!!)

that one bodyguard who politely stepped out of the way, when Tankhun's toycar arrived to blow them up (you will be remembered, sir)

75 notes - Posted July 12, 2022

#3

You know, after all is said and done, give me soft VegasPete.

Give me touchstarved Vegas looking for comfort.

Give me tight hugs.

Give me heads on eo shoulders and eo chests.

Give me hand holding.

Give me pats on the back and hands gently ruffling hair.

Give me quiet content moments of reading books.

Give me confident Pete sharing his goofy side.

Give me sharing space doing different hobbies.

Give me absentminded kisses.

Give me laughter, give me longing looks, give me content smiles, give me domesticity.

86 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

#2

Akk is not his true self in school and even though he's more relaxed with his parents, he's still not 100% himself at home either.

Ayan saw Akk in his safe space: among friends, in a space he's comfortable in, and is confused when this version of Akk doesn't continue to make appearance in school.

"Are you avoiding me?"

He got so quickly used to seeing Akk smile and joke with his friends, hug his parents, make fun of his school, letting down his guard in their private moments, that he forgot, that prefect Akk doesn't have the privilege to be like this.

Prefect Akk belongs to school, to rules, (to Chadok, brrr), to the mask Akk has to wear to reach a life where he can finally be himself, free.

Prefect Akk makes one wrong move and the real Akk can never be free again. Everything, most importantly his future, depends on how well can Akk hide his real self, how well can he play the role of the curse. Yes he has moral dilemmas, but a person desperate to get rid of his shackles is willing to do almost anything, even if that means stepping on heads of others.

(And yes, I have indeed lost my train of thought)

100 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Pete really said "You're a psycho...I like it"

124 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[shlok11]

Interior Decor for Different Spaces: Private vs. Commercial

Private interior decoration Considerations

Embellishing your own house is an individual and invigorating undertaking. Whether you're tidying up a little loft or remodeling an extensive house, the private divine design decor permits you to make a space that feels like a genuine impression of your character and way of life.

Consider the usefulness of each room and how you and your family will utilize the space. Is it true or not that you are searching for a comfortable living region for film evenings or an up-to-date and utilitarian kitchen for your culinary experiences? Understanding the motivation behind each room will direct your choices in choosing furniture, variety plans, and enlivening components.

Commercial interior decoration Considerations

Planning an inside space for a business foundation is something else entirely. Business spaces, like workplaces, cafés, or retail locations, require conscious thought of marking, usefulness, and client experience.

In business interior decoration, it's fundamental to make a durable and proficient air that lines up with the organization's qualities and interest group. Consider factors, for example, ergonomics, traffic stream, and the particular requirements of the business. From choosing the right office furniture to making an enticing retail facade, business inside stylistic layout requires a harmony between reasonableness and tasteful allure.

Cost-Saving Procedures in Inside Decor

Getting a good deal on divine design and interior decorating doesn't mean forfeiting style. There are a lot of cost-saving methodologies that can assist you with accomplishing a shocking look while remaining reasonably affordable for you.

Think about looking for handed down furnishings or embellishments, as you can frequently track down extraordinary and excellent pieces for a portion of the expense. Do-It-Yourself projects are likewise financial plan amicable choices that permit you to modify things to suit your style without burning through every last cent. Furthermore, look out for deals, limits, and coupons to catch incredible arrangements on style things.

By considering factors such as budget, space type, and staying up-to-date with the latest trends and innovations, you can create a space that reflects your personal style and meets your specific needs. So, whether you're revamping your home, designing a commercial space, or simply looking for inspiration, incorporating the principles of interior decor will undoubtedly elevate the overall look and feel of any interior space.

[good-wine-and-cheese]

Grimmer is Immune to Johan

Probably a stretch and my reasoning definitely boils down to “because I think that would be interesting and will analyse text based on this premise” so don’t take me too seriously lol (but I’m right)

I mostly wanted to write this because I lament the fact that Johan and Grimmer never really get any proper interactions together despite being, in my opinion, much better narrative foils to each other than Johan is to Tenma. They were made of the same building blocks, but turned out as total opposition to one another. We do get a faint taste of this through Milosz, and that’s actually part of what makes me argue this point: Milosz was saved.

Before really getting into Grimmer vs. Johan, it’s important to draw another distinction. Grimmer and Roberto are the ones often compared, given their ties to one another. They both went to Kinderheim, and both were similarly broken down to hollow human husks, then left the orphanage and began different lives. It’s here, once they moved on, that an important distinction is made.

While little is known about Roberto and so there’s not much to go on here, he indicates while talking to Lunge that he lived as an impersonal mercenary, with no connections to anyone or anything. Because he never speaks on having had any connection of any kind, my assumption here is this has always been the case for him.

Grimmer on the other hand became very much connected to people. While, yes, it was a facade - he didn’t care about them, he was performing a role as a spy - he did still have a grounded existence in which people were familiar with him, treated him like a friend, a husband, a father. Even if it was false, Grimmer had grounded himself by living a life. Roberto was transient, with no other person to validate his existence.

In a way, I connect Grimmer to Nina; both have little to no memory of their childhood, and both were “given” a new name, living their lives under this new persona and growing into a person of their own, holding that new name as a part of themselves. Basically, Grimmer has an identity. He started developing into a proper person, and allowed himself to move forward with his life as that person. And after losing the people that had become his family, he set his sights on a goal to unearth the organization that had put him through everything he endured. While he is contemplating his past here, he’s doing so through the lens of a forward-moving goal; he can’t achieve it if he’s only looking back. Achieving his goal means he has to keep moving forward.

The reason that Johan was able to get to Roberto, and to sway him to perfect loyalty, was because Roberto had nothing to ground him in the present, and nothing to look for in the future. He was stuck in the past, and having someone validate those feelings gave him ground to stand on. He finally had a connection, but that connection was fixing him into his past, rather than pulling him forward. He’s trapped by Johan and sees no future except “the end”.

Overall this is how Johan works; he himself is unable to let go of the past, and sympathizes with people who in turn have traumas they’re unable to let go of, helping them to embrace that part of themselves instead of moving on. Convincing people to kill themselves isn’t that hard when all that exists for them is their past, and the future has no meaning.

This brings us back to the pseudo-conflict between Grimmer and Johan over Milosz. Indeed, Johan is able to break Milosz down and trap him into his past - the trauma of knowing his mother abandoned him. Rationally, if he were able to look forward, he would know that he has a new family now, in the boys that befriended him. But because he was caught in Johan’s trap, the present doesn’t matter. Grimmer, though, was able to break through with one important assertion: that someone wanted him. True his mother may have abandoned him (or died, we don’t even know!) but so long as he looks forward instead of back, there will be people in the world he will meet that do want him, that do love him, that need him in their lives. He gives Milosz a goal: to find the people that can become his new family, instead of wallowing in the despair of not having his mother.

While I do think that Johan would have had the power to reach and break down Grimmer when he was younger, still more freshly out of Kinderheim and barely established as a person, the Grimmer of now is too grounded in his existence and forward-looking for Johan to be able to ensnare him. The only way I think he might have an angle on Grimmer is through Steiner, as Grimmer still expresses visible vulnerability about not being able to control that other side to himself, but I don’t think it would be enough to convince him that the world is full of despair. His connection to the world, even if manufactured some of the time, is too strong for Johan to crack.

I would have loved to see them have a proper discussion in the show, I think it could have been very insightful.

As an aside, I think it’s interesting to consider both Johan and Grimmer’s dialogues with Milosz as being somewhat self-reflective; Johan feels abandoned by his mother, and therefore unwanted in the world, while Grimmer holds onto the necessary belief that someone somewhere in the world wanted him to exist.

[kasrineinstitute-if]

Long ago the four realms, Sulia, Hanora, Luseda and Lybris, were bridged together, and the area where they connected became known as the Kasrine Plains.

Now, the Kasrine Plains are home to the most prestigious magical institute in all the realms. A place for students from all realms to come together. A place to foster peace and unity.

For years you've dreamt of attending, of leaving your life in the rural Harvest Region of Luseda behind, and finally that dream is coming true.

You have the chance to strength your magic, and learn more of the other realms, you plan on taking it. But upon your arrival, you are met with unrest from an age old conflict. The Cambria and the Starling.

One coven became known for their use of dark magic and experimentation, while the other held a presumably golden reputation, a war between the covens nearly wiping everyone in each coven out.

But with two remaining survivors now attending the institute, tensions are high. The Plains are unsteady. The unity is fractured.

There's nothing you can do.

There's never anything you can do.

With the bonds between realms cracking, and the school threatening to fall into ruin, you must convince your classmates to join together -

It never works. They try and fail. The Plains are fragile, they always break.

And you always start over. It's like some trial. And you keep failing.

You can't - you can't live like this anymore.

In a book where deities, magic and mystical beings exist, you play as the main character who has become aware of your story's ill-fated end, and seeks to change it.

Customizable gender, pronouns, sexuality, name, species (fae, elf, infernal), appearance, semi-set personality.

Choose your Patron god, which will influence how your magic develops.

Choose your own romance or, finally, avoid romance altogether, with five locked routes.

Four romance options, so far; one female, one male, one gender selectable, and one genderfluid.

(Routes will be locked, so you'll choose who you want to pursue in chapter one, or you'll choose not to pursue anyone.)

The Daughter of Stars

Celeste Starling is the last surviving blood of the disbanded Starling Coven, left traumatized and abandoned after the war against the Cambria a decade ago.

Like most in her bloodline, Celeste chose Valos, god of home, as her patron. But unlike her late family, Celeste's decision was not trivial, nor was it simply following the footsteps of those before her.

She looked... profoundly bored. And while you recall that that expression was not unusual, you knew the boredom was more or less a facade.

With a sigh, Celeste absently twisted one of the many old and glimmering rings stacked on her fingers, her flat gold eyes trailing slowing across the classroom. The door opened, and her attention snapped towards it, a dark pointed ear poking out of dark cobalt curls...

The Infernal Son

Lysander Astrae is from a family formerly aligned with the Starling Coven, and was a close childhood friend of Celeste's prior to the Starling vs Cambria War. He and his family harbour guilt over losing contact with her in the following years.

Lysander is a half Fae/half Infernal, and native to Luseda. His patron is Tyaris, god of love.

He stood tall, with an imposing aura. But, you began to notice, he never looked unkind. Just... watchful. Lysander's mismatched gray eyes paid too much attention, showed too much concern behind glossed lenses.

He shifted his gaze, head tipping, inky black hair moving to reveal his other bone like horn - broken and uneven. You'd be lying if you claimed you hadn't wondered how that had happened.

The Sea's Child

Robbie Marerto (m/f) is a mage from Lybris, of ambiguous heritage, who was raised by adventurer parents at sea. They've been enrolled at the Institute for a slightly more grounded change, and always takes the position of your best friend.

Robbie is a follower of Galena, goddess of the sea.

Lanky and with more limbs than they knew what to do with, it wasn't hard to assume that Robbie had barely spent time with both feet on solid ground.

Robbie beamed up from were they sat on floor after tripping over their own feet, wavy sun kissed hair hanging over their teal eyes. Their grin calmed to something more personal when you offered a hand to help them up.

The Outcast of Nobles

Regal Atlas Codya is a mage from a noble family in Luseda. Ze are a fellow first year and one of your dorm-mates.

Atlas was blessed by zir patron, Naara, goddess of the Afterlife, and has the abilities of a medium.

Ze was quiet. Almost unnervingly so. Other students veered around zir in the halls, giving a wide berth.

Altas rubbed at the pale specks of skin on the lower half of zir face with a perfectly manicured finger, lips pursed as zir ruby eyes swept across the crowd of people unnerved by the aura of death around her. Ze brushed the red hair off of the umber skin of zir forehead and carried on zir way.

More characters to come

Demo TBA

[kindredhearts13]

Dissecting The Cleaning Lady, “Full on Gangsta” (1x08)

Okay, I am actually going to START with Arman & Thony this time, because I truly feel that this was Thony’s strongest episode and as much as I love them and want them to end up together, I don’t want to ever lose focus of what the point of the show is: a mother’s fight for her son and the difference between following the rules and basic humanity. So, let’s begin- it’s another long one, folks. 

ARMAN & THONY

I loved the parts of this episode that were dedicated to them and the development of their relationship for the simple fact that I felt like I was seeing both of them, but particularly Arman, in the most authentic light yet. Seeing Thony so happy, in some ways happier than we’ve even seen her when joking around with Fi (because she didn’t have to worry about this impending doom with Luca for a milisecond), was truly beautiful. She just felt like Dr. Thony this entire episode; even more confident than usual, so in control and at ease, and just centered. I was genuinely proud of her for just allowing herself to exist within a moment and not let the thousands of worries that she normally has creep in. She is such a brilliant character and I can truly see her becoming one of my favorite characters on television.

With Arman, I feel like we finally truly met him. We got to see the Arman that he doesn’t even get to see; gentle, at peace yet a little unsure, a little dorky and goofy, but also intensely endearing and romantic. We also saw the not so great parts of Arman, the parts that I would argue are actually bigger character flaws than the ones that he feels he needs to figure out: his indecisiveness, his fear of facing himself, the juxtaposition of this man being so connected to his culture and being so at peace being back home but also rejecting the people that most closely tie him to that culture and identity. 

Quite literally moments before I sat to type this, FOX posted a video with Adan and Elodie discussing the relationship of these characters and how things change between them after episode 6. In it, Adan says what I think we’ve all picked up on- Arman and Thony connect on a human level, but Arman is so indecisive when it comes to matters of the heart. And I want to take a moment to explore why I think that is and what I think we’re ultimately going to get out of his character’s arc over (what I hope will be) another season.  

It is extremely clear to me that Arman is the most authentic version of himself when he is with Thony, but it is interesting that we didn’t get all of that until this week. There was definitely double meaning and foreshadowing when Thony asked him if the FBI could watch him while they were in Mexico- it was as if permission was given for them to drop the walls and just exist in this little bubble where no one can watch them and they can just be themselves. Even with Dara and Luca there. In the case of Arman, even though we have seen this tender, emotionally intelligent side of him throughout the season, this was really the first time we saw him with all of those other layers pulled back. Let me break it down:

I believe that there are two Armans: Arman, the mobster and Hayak’s right hand man and Arman, the man who came from Mexico as a kid and watched his family work and struggle, and cares so deeply about things that it is almost too much for him. The former feels like a caricature, a persona that Arman has put on for the outside world. Almost as a means of protection; if people view him in a certain way, they won’t see the fearful person inside. It actually reminds me of an acting theory that talks about the true character vs the perceived character and the job of the actor is to separate the character from the persona; because one isn’t real, it is just a facade; but the other is what the character has been hiding away, that deeper part that they don’t want the world to see for whatever reason and it ultimately informs the persona created. Using this formula as an example, Arman has essentially created a persona of this man that is smooth, hard, dangerous, an impenetrable force and that is who he presents to the outside world. While the real Arman, while still sexy and smooth and flawed, is also insecure about who he actually is and how people perceive him, who feels such immense need for validation from people like Hayak to know that he matters, and who is fiercely loyal but to an extreme fault when it comes to the wrong people. 

Even in the smaller things about Arman, there was a clear difference in him this episode than in past ones, right down to his laugh. Go back and watch Arman in just about any episode when he laughs and then watch him in 1x08. In the latter, his laugh is warmer, fuller, brighter- it’s authentic. As is his smile. To be quite honest, almost every time we’ve seen Arman emote in a happier way to anyone outside of Thony this entire series (arguably save for Isabel, somewhat), it has felt hollow. As if he doesn’t even believe that he’s happy, he’s just playing the part. And that is really sad. 

Going back to the scene around the fire with Thony and Arman: I, again, truly loved it. It felt like such a natural and cute moment out of my favorite romantic comedy. Like, I fully expected Colin Firth to come out and deliver a Darcy-ism and really make me melt. It was that good. Seeing how they interact and just understand each other, but on an amplified level this episode, was just so nice. It felt like we were watching two people in one of the most intimate moments of their lives and if I didn’t know the context surrounding them, I would assume that they were together, like the waiter did. I also really appreciated the fact that the show didn’t shy away from Arman’s culture- they fully embraced the fact that he was in Mexico and feeling nostalgic and at peace. And his wanting to share a piece of that culture and his emotions, words that he knew he didn’t know how to say, with Thony was really touching. Arman requested “El Reloj” and they had such a beautifully written, shot, and blocked dance. 

It did not go past me that there was another callback to one of their earliest interactions. In episode one, Thony asked Arman, “Do you trust me?” and he said yes. In this episode, he told her to trust him and we watched her actively give him that trust. Yes, quite differing events followed each statement- but the sentiment that they were both putting their trust in the other still rings true. I think that for Thony, trusting someone with her vulnerability is the highest level of trust she can offer. You can save my life, help with my son, kiss me, but until I fully know I can trust you when I am not in my element and I let you take the lead, I don’t trust you- is what I imagine her mantra is. I think the scene was pretty perfect and speaks for itself, and I think that we saw them having a conversation about hard things for the first time when they weren’t just yelling at each other or basing it around Luca.

Arman already knew that Thony had issues in her marriage, how could he not- especially after the last episode. Her saying that Marco wasn’t coming for Luca’s surgery and then pretty much confirming his suspicions by saying that the Philippines wasn’t home anymore shifted things in a way. He was guarded yet deliberate in how he asked her about Vegas and she didn’t give a direct no- just her truth for that very moment.

I feel like Arman thought this was going to be their goodbye, because I don’t think he could’ve handled a true goodbye afterwards. Going to Mexico, he felt like this was his chance to somehow thank her for giving him a piece of himself back, for reawakening that humanity. A way to tell her that she means so much to him, even if he is too afraid to actually vocalize it. His planning to escape with Nadia and start a new life has so much more going on than what he’ll acknowledge. It is only in part about Hayak, it’s also about not wanting to be in Vegas without Thony. We have already learned that Arman is good at creating a new life for himself and pretending that the old one doesn’t exist, it doesn’t get rid of the pain or what happened, but he tries to convince himself that it does. A new life means he can do something that makes him feel less badly about himself, no more killing; but it isn’t the salve for his wounds like he thinks it will be. It will just be another facade. Thony breaks that facade and brings reality in, and I think that being in Vegas without her there- thinking that he’ll never see her again- would be far too terrifying for him. He would have to face all of the pain and truth that he tries so hard to ignore.

When Thony walks away, she just seems conflicted and it makes sense. I have repeatedly said that neither of these two are completely aware of their feelings and the actors pretty much confirmed it. I think Arman has always been more aware of his and knows that he’s fallen for Thony, but I think that Thony is just waking up to the possibility that what she’s feeling is in fact love. She definitely knew something was there- I mean, my good sis packed a red dress with a thigh slit and wedges for a reason, but even so. Despite the fast pacing of the show, this is a slow burn (but, as someone else put it, redefined). I doubt we’ll see them fall into bed or do anything so serious this first season because Thony’s entire life has been about saving her son, she doesn’t make any decision that doesn’t include him, and I think that she needs to know that Luca is absolutely okay or definitely going to be before she can even consider all of the other things. And I think that Arman understands that. (As well, Elodie has been pretty clear that she’s really involved with Thony’s character, and she didn’t want Thony to lose focus of what her main goal is: Luca. And she wants her to make these major romantic decisions when she’s at a place of feeling free and equal to others, not quite so beholden to anyone as she is now.) She’s a mom first, and to be quite frank, she deserves to feel her freedom and rediscover her and Luca’s life without having to base it on a man- especially one that hasn’t gotten his shit together. Don’t get me wrong, I love Arman and I want them together- but I want him to be deserving of her and make those tough decisions that proves he chooses her and Luca over everything else. Thony deserves nothing less, and I think Arman knows that, too. 

MARCO AND FIONA

I don’t have too much to explore here because I think next episode is going to do that, but I will say that I was really disappointed in Fiona this episode when it came to Thony and Marco. I understand wanting to take up for your brother and defending him, I even understand that she reacted after learning a LOT of information for the very first time. But the fact that she would guilt Thony for wanting to leave a toxic situation just made me so sad. I could not imagine, like to the point of tears, my best friend seeing how much hurt I’ve been hiding, how isolated I was from everyone, and how little peace I’ve had in my relationship with someone else and for them to want anything but what was best for me. That hurts. That is so heartbreaking and I so feel for Thony because I know that she’ll be understanding, but in the midst of everything- Fiona didn’t have her back in that moment. 

Before I comment on Marco, I want to preface this by stating that I am no expert on addiction, so I actually spoke with an addictions expert to give me more insight on where the writers might be going with his character and why he might be behaving this way. Essentially, Marco has what is sometimes referred to as an addictive mindset; and the manipulation, twisting of the truth, obsessive and possessive behavior all pull from that. That’s why I don’t like Marco for Thony, but I also just want him to get help. He’s going to do something really irrational if he doesn’t and I feel like the writers are just leading us up to that point and it will be heartbreaking to watch. 

NADIA

Perhaps the most perplexing character on this show, Nadia was such a gem to watch this episode. I felt for her and felt guilty for wanting something that was ultimately causing her pain. The thing with Nadia is that she isn’t the antigonist nor the protagonist, but she’s more than just this minor character (at least, I hope so). She’s kind of the anti-hero and I really hope that they play around with that. I want to see more of her handling business and showing how smart and savvy she is, because she kept Hayak from killing them both right then and there. 

I still am fully in the camp of believing that Nadia isn’t in love with Arman, and he isn’t in love with her. They, much like Marco is with Thony, are in love with the idea of the other. Where it differs is I think that they both want into the relationship with that understanding; it was an eyes wide open, mutual agreement and commitment to go through life together, put each other first, and succeed no matter the cost. They’re a team, and I think what hurts Nadia more than anything is the fact that Arman is finding a new teammate and she’s at risk of being left alone. She’s scared. 

Eva, the actress that plays Nadia, said in an interview that they don’t technically have an open relationship so much as them having a relationship that allows them to be sexual with other people as long as both of them are involved and actively participating; hence, the parties she throws. However, they are not allowed to have anything going on outside of their relationship because it excludes the other.

My issue is that the show needs to address this so that the viewer that hasn’t seen this interview can know that, too- so I deeply hope that they do it next week and finally allow us to see how this relationship actually works. 

My long-term hope for Nadia is that she actually finds love, as in someone that is in love with her and that she is also in love with. (I am once again asking for Nadia to fall in love with a woman and then for Nadia, her partner, and Thony to become the three badass women running Vegas with Arman. What a dream that would be.)

THE REAL ISSUE

I will say it again, I am so proud of Thony. The strength and just utter resilience this woman has is amazing. She is literally showing us the depths of a mother’s love every single week and I don’t think the other characters understand how absolutely badass she is. I am officially more afraid of Thony when she’s in full on Momma-mode than anyone else on the show. And I LOVE that for her!

The fact that she had to go to such great lengths just to be denied a life saving and time sensitive transplant for her son, then think on her feet to ensure that he gets one, THEN perform the surgery herself is just such a fucking harrowing and humbling thing. I cannot imagine the trauma that she will have from this entire experience. And it pisses me off because this is the reality for so many people. So many decisions about the US are made off of numbers and false equivalencies but not enough look directly at situations like this. No one should ever have to go through what Thony did, or what the people at Mother Donna’s did. For Luca, at age five, to continually be put through the emotional and physical gymnastics of being told he was going to get treated and get better to being denied for something that they had no control over- that makes me so infuriated. 

This show is so necessary because it shines a light on so much that we just don’t talk about, and it does it through the lens of people of color and immigrants and women. And I so badly want them to be able to tell their complete story because they are giving voice to a entire community that felt voiceless. Outside of the romance, this show teaches us about addiction and addictive behavior, addresses the treatment of immigrants and issues with our class system, how people in power so easily and happily take advantage of those in need; and mostly, it challenges us to stop looking at everything in black and white, specifically through the lens of Thony and Arman. It is almost saying, “If you can find the reasoning in this, what else can your mind and heart find understanding for?”

[everything-laito]

LAITO ANALYSES MASTERPOST (now in post form!)

REVAMPED ANALYSES MASTERPOST (UNDER THE CUT)

Tried organizing them the best I could!!! I’ll update them as best as I can live! They’re not really in order by date anymore, sorry about that!

If the links don’t work, let me know!

For further clarification, these are my personal thoughts and analysis on the game and extrapolating ideas from the canon and applying them to certain situations, unless if it is explicitly stated or implied in canon (which I usually state).

Also content warnings for rape and abuse for most heavy asks and analyses I’d say––just a general Laito trigger warning

Like my analyses/want to support me? Here’s my tip jar! (Ko-Fi!) <3

MY ORIGINAL ANALYSIS POSTS

Para Selene [shorter one] [longer one]

Why DL is more effective not being an R18 game

Laito quotes that stuck out to me [part 1]

The importance of Hilde’s character

HDB vs MB Laito + My Opinions

Laito vs Shin VERSUS III CD

Hypersexuality and Laito

Laito and Cordelia analysis saga [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7]

Do-S Kyuuketsu CD

The Fall of Yui Komori: A Partial Analysis of Laito’s HDB Route [a comment after that I will add to the analysis later]

Laito vs Subaru VERSUS I CD

What Laito means by “falling”

ASKS

Reacts and What Ifs

Laito with someone who’s stronger than him (mentally/physically)

If Laito had a sister physically identical to Cordelia

If Laito were to meet someone who went through the same things as him [1] [2]

If a bride tried to find weaknesses in Laito in order to kill him

If a bride had an absurdist sense of humor and resilient to humiliation

Laito and asexual characters [1] [2]

If Richter was Laito’s father

If Laito got kidnapped

Sexually liberated bride

What might make Laito sad/concerned for someone, could he possibly fall in love, and how he would react to a girl that’s not a virgin

How would Laito react to a bride that’s like him?

If a bride was physically identical to Cordelia

Laito and runaway pregnant wife?

If Laito found out he had a son

If Yui told Laito she was pregnant

Laito getting Yui pregnant? [1] [2]

If Laito was human, how would he have turned out instead?

If Laito and Yui met while they were both children?

What if Yui was older?

Would Laito do anything with a younger bride?

Laito in a Zombie Apocalypse?

Could Laito get away with what he does in real life?

Laito Bonk [1] [2]

If Laito’s flirting is stressing someone out

If a bride weaponized his fear of bugs

If Laito had a daughter

Laito in a healthy family?

Would Laito go back to his HDB self after his DF Brute Ending

If a woman reached out to Laito and saw past his facade

Would Laito be faithful to his wife?

Would Laito try to become a better person?

How does Laito react seeing Yui getting close with the other brothers?

Laito Internally/Personality

Laito’s true personality under his facade

Thoughts that Laito has when he’s acting perverted

Breaking point in Laito’s personality

Laito and touch

Does Laito hate himself?

Does Laito have any aspirations or goals?

Laito’s MBTI

Is Laito an introvert or extrovert?

What pisses Laito off?

Can Laito feel real love?

Laito’s insecurities

Laito being smart

How to get to the emotional core of Laito

Canon/Game Related Laito Questions

Why did Laito get fluffier in MB+

DF/MB+ Laito + closure

Is MB+ Laito ooc?

MB manga vs MB game

Comments on the brothers not showing up as much in Laito’s route

Drunk Laito

Laito and Jealousy

Laito’s nightmares

Laito “controversy” + how to analysis

Are Laito and Cordelia similar?

Laito’s women clothing collection

Yui’s calls in Maniac 3

Laito’s strength

My thoughts on Yui

Spelling Laito as “Raito”

Did Cordelia kick Laito out of the bedroom like he did with Hilde?

Did Cordelia order Laito to be tortured? (yes)

Laito’s hobbies

Can Laito control fire?

Has Yui changed in MB+?

What did Yui do differently?

Could Yui escape from the mansion?

Why does Karl choose young brides?

What was Laito like as a child?

Is there any affection between him and Yui in the games?

Laito believing in God?

Does Laito speak french?

Maniac 07 explanation

Why did Cordelia sexually abuse Laito?

Vampire ages

Misc Questions (or sub categories)

Astrology asks [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

Laito and Friends [1] [2] [3; more of hcs tho]

BPD asks [1] [2] [3] [4]

The fun duck asks

The fucking shit asks

Smaller analysis on Laito and his family members [The BIG brother analysis] [Family perception of Laito] [Reiji and Laito] [Triplet’s relationship] [How does he love his brothers?] [would he cry over his brothers’ death?]

Headcanons [1] [2] (headcanon tag)

Diaboys and their never ending sadism + comments on Yui’s relationship with them​ + how their emotional states evolved

Science of comfort characters

The fuq does Karl look like [1] [2]

What I meant by Yui’s sexuality being ripped from her

Laito and macarons

QED Analysis!

SUBMITTED ANALYSES

Comments on the Laito and touch question