—everything is orange. [ ii ]
pairing: lando norris x kpop idol! reader
summary: a racecar driver who needed a fake girlfriend to dispel rumors and a kpop idol who needed publicity for her song. somewhere in between orange cars and orange sunsets, stands something they're afraid of naming.
warning/s: graphic description of blood and gore, body insecurity, lando might be a lil ooc
masterlist.
God bless Jinnie Jo and her overly prepared self because you thought you’d die when you got attacked by the damn shellfish allergy in the car on the way to the hotel. It's fortunate that Jinnie happens to carry around your allergy meds. You dry-swallow the tablets without hesitation, uttering your thanks to Jinnie.
“Song Dan-ssi gave me a list of your allergy meds before we left,” Jinnie tells you. Warmth floods your chest. Manager-nim may be in another country but he never fails to take care of you. You're definitely going to buy something for Manager-nim when you return to Seoul. A jacket perhaps?
The first thing you do the moment you enter your hotel room is kick your boots off, take a warm shower, and reunite with the love of your life—the bed. The mattress swallows you whole and you let out a content sigh as you allow your body to sink in it. Not even ten minutes later, you grab your bag, which you have haphazardly thrown on the bed, take out your phone, and open the X app. You type Lando’s name in the search box.
username1: i am disgusted by the people who still support lando norris like yall really support a man who got a girl pregnant and refusing to take responsibility? i just know mclaren is lying when they said he's not the father
username2: justice for the girl that lando norris got pregnant! he should be kicked out of mclaren!
username3: that girl lucky bc her baby daddy is THE lando norris. she should tell us how he fucks in great detail
You cringe. Your fingers tap the three buttons at the upper right corner and without hesitation, pressing report. You continue to scroll down the tweets, reading them one by one as the clock ticks.
username4: what lie will mclaren tell again to protect little lando norris?
Your phone pings. A notification bar appears on the upper portion of your phone screen. You have received a message. You stop reading the tweet and open your messages app.
unknown number: hey
unknown number: this is lando
unknown number: your boyfriend?
unknown number: the fake one
You immediately save his number in your contacts. You name him Lando Norris.
you: hey there
you: do i just call you lando or
lando: you can call me baby
You snigger at his flirting attempt. Ten points for trying, Lando Norris.
you: okay baby
lando: 😳
lando: okay
lando: we agreed on hard launching each other in socmed right?
you: yah
lando: i kinda don't have a picture of you?
lando: pr told me to ask you if you can send me one
lando: i’ll send you one too
you: i have an idea
you: put me on your story
lando: yeah im planning to do exactly that
lando: have you been listening to what we talked about earlier in the meeting?
you: then delete it after a few mins
lando: wait why
you: make it look like you did it on accident
Your first mistake in your first PR relationship with another idol is that you immediately hard-launched each other on Instagram after Dispatch released his pictures kissing a guy in a bar. People got skeptical and most of them called out your relationship as a PR stunt. They called you a cover up, which you were, but they weren't supposed to know that.
You're not going to make the same mistake twice.
lando: and this will work?
you: let's not shake the confidence i have
lando: 😂
you: people are already expecting mclaren to set a pr stunt so you can gain the public’s hearts back
you: u have to make yourself look like you never needed a pr stunt in the first place, that you’re not trying to win the public back
you: people will catch up if you suddenly post that you have a girlfriend in the middle of your hot issue
you: netizens are quickwitted theyre not as dumb as most of us think
You hope you're explaining it well. You're trying to make your point as clear as possible but it's hard. You forgot the other English words you’ve learned.
lando: okay i get ur point
lando: i’ll do what u want
lando: someone has to tell pr what u planned though
lando: it's not going to be me
Fuck the PR. You're not going to tell them and let them have a field day tomorrow. That's what they get for expecting you to sign that stupid first contract they made.
You open your camera app and take a quick selfie.
No. Your nose looks too big at that angle.
Again.
Now, your forehead looks like an airport.
Again.
Your teeth are showing. The coffee stains are visible.
Again.
Again.
Again.
you: *sent a photo*
lando: i
lando: help me with the caption? my braincells flew off
you: idk not good at captions
you: just say hello loml or smth
This is the story you want to tell:
You met Lando a year after you departed from ORACLE in Australia.
You have a mutual friend—named Tori Allen—who introduced you to one another. Tori Allen does not exist. She's just the fictional side character of your love story.
You started out as friends. Lando is freshly out from a breakup and you’re just trying to live a quiet life after your fall from grace.
You talked for months because of your mutual interest in cars. Eventually, you started going on casual dates.
You asked Lando to keep it secret. He said yes in respect to you. HAN Entertainment already released a press statement regarding your mental health status after the 2021 incident so the public would assume that this was the reason why.
The relationship turned serious three months before Lando’s scandal.
Lando never got the girl pregnant. He never touched that girl. He was loyal to you.
Jinnie almost breaks down the door the next morning. You open it before she can do so. She angrily stomps inside your room and you close the door behind her. Her face is red, her expression taut.
“It's seven,” your eyebrows crease together. You make a quick glance at the phone in your hand. 7:22, the clock in your lockscreen projects. “You told me we are supposed to meet at twelve.”
“McLaren PR called me up,” Jinnie informs you. You’re beginning to get an idea where this conversation is going. “You didn't do what we agreed on.”
“And what did we agree on?” you cross your arms over your chest. You flutter your eyelashes innocently at her.
“That you’re going to choose photos to post on each of your accounts and let PR handle the captions. Norris posted something immediately without PR checking it and deleted it!”
“Did he tell you that it was my idea?”
“No, but I know that it was and it turns out I’m right. You just confirmed it.”
“Did it work?” you question.
“I can't with you!” she throws her hands up in the air, frustrated. “We are supposed to follow orders!”
“No,” you say. “You are supposed to follow orders. That's what Yoon PD-nim told you. He told me to do what I believed was best.”
You open X. Lando’s name is at the top of the trending list. You press his name and read through the tweets that appeared.
username5: LANDO NORRIS WHAT IS THIS BEHAVIOR
username6: EVERYONE HERE ARE THE RECEIPTS *screenshot*
username7: is this what you call the freudian slip lol
username8: I AM NOT CRAZY GUYS LANDO ACCIDENTALLY STORIED HIS GF IN HIS PUBLIC ACC
username9: he deleted it so quick too 😭 im sure the man panicked
username10: HE CHEATED ON HIS GF AND GOT A GIRL PREGNANT??!?
username11: for all we know he didn't even bang that girl 🤷 his girlfriend’s pretty hot he’s definitely not cheating on her
username10: men cheat on their pretty wives and girlfriends all the time
username12: not lando norris that man’s in love LOVE can u see his caption
username13: the caption??? lando’s pretty smooth with his words
username14: he’s taking smooth operator lessons from carlos
username15: im crazy but what if this is just a pr stunt 🤔
username16: girl he won't delete the story in a panic if it's a pr stunt
username17: he was definitely going to post it in his priv and made a mistake 😭
username18: very lando of him
username17: he stronger than me bc if my girlfriend was that pretty, her face will be flooding my instagram
username19: ignore lando, his girl tho 😳
username20: he called her loml omgggg
username21: booo luisa’s prettier
username22: fok off and move on
username23: lando can you fight? meet me at the kfc parking lot and let's fight
username24: probably not but he can run you over with his car
username25: i swear ive seen that girl before i just cant pinpoint where
username26: IT'S [NAME] EX MEMBER OF ORACLE WE HAVENT SEEN HER SINCE 2021
username27: so he bagged a kpop girlie??? lando got game dayummm
username28: isn't [name] an illegal street racer? that's why she got kicked out of the group right?
username29: an f1 racer and a street racer couple 😳 omg what in booktok is this
username30: she's not a streetracer she only watched the street race
username28: she told you that herself?
username30: her company did
username31: THEY CANT BE DATING OMG LANDO YOU CAN DO BETTER SHE DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE A WAG
username32: and u think ur better than her?
“It's working,” you state. You turn to Jinnie, raising your phone in the air and waving it. A smug smirk spreads to your lips. “It's working.”
Nobody is doubting the relationship like the time with Minhyung. This is a good start. Now, onto the next part.
“So are we really going to keep having lunch dates until your race?” you poke the shrimp on the plate with your fork. You're having pasta again. In the same place, too. It sucks but you swallow the food and smile as if you’re enjoying the meal.
For today's outfit, Jinnie chose a Valentino Garavani black midi dress paired with Jimmy Choo Antia leather sandals. Lando matched your outfit with a black silk button up and off-white pants. You’re both playing the “looking like a couple” card well.
“I believe so,” Lando says. You mentally count the days of the calendar in your head. The FP1 is scheduled to begin in two days. “By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask….”
“Hm?”
“The team didn't scold you a lot, did they?”
“They didn’t,” you give him a tight smile. Did he worry? For you? That's very sweet of him. “Why would they? My plan went great.”
Lando nods, “It did. You’re good at this.”
You smile at his compliment, shrugging a shoulder. I’m supposed to be good at this. I have no other choice.
“Let's show them our story,” you say. “Show, not tell. People are more inclined to believe actions rather than words. Show them the story we want them to know and we don't answer their questions early so we can keep the attention and the curiosity on us. Once the timing is right, you answer their questions, one by one. This is risky because if we don't act right, we’re done….”
You set the fork down and finally stop terrorizing the poor shrimp. It's completely obliterated now.
“But I believe we can act right,” honesty bleeds through your words. “You're lovable and you already act like a sweet boyfriend without trying.”
Lando purses his lips and averts his gaze. You see pink dusting his cheeks.
“I try.”
“Nice try,” your words come out dry. You give him a thumbs-up. “Also, I’m full.”
“You only ate half your plate,” Lando points out.
“The portion is too big. I’m a light eater.”
HAN Entertainment is partly to blame for that. You got accustomed to their extreme diets and small meal portions that you cannot even eat more than a small bowl of rice.
“Do you not like the food?” he asks, concerned.
You don’t answer the question. Instead, you lace your fingers together and rest your chin on them, leaning slightly forward.
“I have another plan. Wanna hear it?”
You still don't like having attention to yourself. The feeling of having eyes watching your every move, waiting for you to make a mistake still terrifies you. But attention, the right kind especially, is a weapon. You need a weapon to fight this war. A war to build your career again.
“Keep them on their toes,” the instructor of your PR training class once said. “Give them what they want piece by piece, just enough to keep them wanting more, but never give them everything.”
Until now, you still abide by her teachings. God bless Kim Gaon-ssi and her big brain, wherever she is now. She resigned from HAN entertainment a year ago.
It's been a few days since Lando pulled that stunt in his Instagram story and yet, the attention you're receiving from the fans is not simmering down. You didn't expect anyone to be this involved or curious about a driver's love life but here everyone was.
You wake up at seven and then proceed to spend an hour on your phone while lying in bed to push all the sleepiness away from your system. You leave your bed at nine, change out of your sleeping wear, perform a whole morning ritual inside the bathroom, and by eleven, you send Jinnie a message to get brunch and invite her to eat together inside the privacy of your hotel room. She arrives after fifteen minutes with hotel service food. You eat until twelve thirty and after eating, you begin to get ready.
The free practice session is at 5:30 PM. You can afford a bit more time to get ready so you shower again. It took you nearly two hours. In the meantime, Jinnie prepares your clothes.
You mentally thank the heavens when you see trousers neatly folded on your bed. If Jinnie forces you to wear dresses again, you’re going to lose it. You're conscious of how big your thighs look. You don't even have a thigh gap. Big thighs, small ankles, and muscular calves. They're just a few of your numerous bodily insecurities.
Jinnie pairs the Moon Choi black back pocket trousers with a Dior Toile de Jouy Sauvage silk top. For the shoes, she chooses a pair of white Fila chunky sneakers. She helps you apply your makeup and fix your hair. To finish the look, you grab your black cross body bag, smart watch, sunglasses, and a black ball cap.
Jinnie snatches the ball cap from your hands and replaces it with a McLaren ball cap. A tacky orange with the number four. You raise your brow at her. She gives you a pointed look, a look that says: don’t even try to protest. You sigh, resigned, and pull it onto your head.
She scans your appearance, dragging her coal eyes from the top of your head to your toes. She huffs, satisfied.
“You look perfect.”
Perfect is the goal.
Jinnie drives you to the race venue. She drops you off at the parking lot. She's not happy with it. Jinnie wanted to come. You told her no. You can handle this little act alone. You don’t see an ex-idol with a manager, do you?
The moment you exit the car, you slip on your mask. Figuratively and literally. You tip your ball cap upwards to scan your surroundings, searching for the way in. You carry your phone in your right hand and your paddock pass in the left. Lando gave it to you during dinner yesterday.
A racing event is crowded with people. That's a given. Perhaps not as crowded as a concert but still crowded nonetheless. A stage will not separate you from the people nor a barricade. Unfortunately. You have no bodyguard, no manager, no HAN Entertainment staff.
You're not here as ORACLE’s [Name] but as Lando Norris’ girlfriend.
Your feet lead you to a path where there are less people. You message Lando that you’ve arrived. He replies in a matter of seconds.
lando: ill come and get you
lando: wait for me
You remove your cap, fix your hair, before pulling the cap on. You spot a man with a Nikon DSLR standing a good distance. He is wearing a cord around his neck. The word MEDIA is printed in bold white letters. Your lips curl a little underneath your face mask.
It is show time.
During your trainee years, acting classes are mandatory. You know the basics. You're confident that you're good at acting. If you weren't, the company wouldn't have pushed you to act in two dramas as a side character during your rookie years. You received a reward for your performances, too.
To look lost, you have to keep glancing around you as if you’re contemplating which way to go. You have to look unsure of your actions. Hesitant. You have to constantly look at your phone as if you’re reading directions in it or texting someone to tell you where you should be going. You have to scratch your nape a few times to express nervousness. You're in a place you don’t know, it’s natural to be nervous.
Someone is bound to approach you and help you. When they do, you remove the cap but not the mask and then hope they know who you are. When they don't, well…. that's a problem for future you. You haven't thought that far.
“Hi, excuse me, do you need help?”
You perk up. Orange fills your view. A group of four girls have approached you and they all wear twinning McLaren merch. You can see that three of them sport the number four in their shirts, Lando’s race number. You involuntarily swallow.
There was a case once where a rookie actress got beaten up by her idol boyfriend’s fans promptly after the release of their dating news. Fans can be so jealous to the point of violence. It's a toxic fan culture. That's why so many Kpop idols resort to keeping their relationships private and secret. You hope you won’t get beaten up.
But also, given that they’re McLaren and Lando fans, there is a high possibility that they’ll recognize you. Which is exactly what you wanted. So you push that stupid fear aside and keep the show going.
“Hi, uh,” you remove your cap and lower your face mask until it's bunched up below your nose. “I’m kind of…lost? Do you know the way to the, uh…”
You forget what it's called. McLaren garage? You don't remember the exact word Lando used. You're still not confident that you know the difference between a paddock, a garage, and a livery.
“Wait, I know you!”
You purposely widen your eyes.
“You’re Lando’s girlfriend!”
You smile sheepishly, scratching your cheek with your finger.
The girls break out into loud and high-pitched squeals. Their voices are so shrill that you cannot help but wince. You motion for them to quiet down. Inwardly, you want them to keep being loud. Loud enough to warrant the attention of the photographer, your target.
“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, we absolutely have to take a selfie!”
You barely understand her rapid spitfire of words until she takes out her phone. Panic instantly swells within you.
This is not the plan. You only wanted one person to take the necessary picture. Not this.
You hastily slap your hand over the lower half of your face. You stagger backwards and stumble against a sturdy wall. Your hands fly out to your sides as you feel yourself lose your balance. Two hands grip your shoulders and you hear a surprised woah! from behind you. You lift your head.
It's not a wall. It's Lando.
His beautiful, beautiful eyes gaze down at you. The colors look lighter under the sun. His thick brows are furrowed together, his forehead creasing.
Lando spins you around so you're face-to-face with his hard chest. You squint at the multiple logos printed on the long-sleeves he’s wearing. Is this what he wears when he races? He swiftly takes the McLaren ball cap off your hand and puts it on your head. His hand remains tenderly flat on your shoulder blade, the other lays on your cheek as if he's trying to cover your face. You tug your face mask up and rub your throat.
“Hi,” Lando greets the girls sweetly. This causes the eruption of another wave of high-pitched squeals. “I’m sorry but do you mind if we keep the cameras away? Our relationship isn't out and as much as possible, we’d like to keep it that way. Can we respect my girl’s privacy please?”
He sounds exactly like a male lead in a romance Kdrama. You know it's fake, that the both of you are playing roles, but his words and the way he delivers them so effortlessly makes you momentarily doubt if he's really acting. It causes a butterfly to flutter in your stomach and your pulse to steadily accelerate. His hands are large and warm and for a moment, it makes you wonder if this is what security feels like. If this is what it feels like to be loved.
Then, you get reminded that it is all an act.
How can actors not fall in love with their co-actors when acting can feel this real at times?
“Thank you,” you hear Lando say. You miss the previous parts of the conversation because of the thoughts that invaded your mind.
“You look so cute together, oh my god. I’m going to die,” the fangirl adds. Lando’s chest vibrates as he chuckles, the sound deep and warm.
“We need to go, sorry. Enjoy the race today.”
He taps his thumb against your shoulder blade and he starts walking, his hands not detaching themselves from your skin. You keep your head low as Lando guides you away. In your peripheral vision, you see the photographer’s camera pointed towards the two of you. A self-satisfied smirk plays on your lips.
“How did I do?” Lando asks the moment he removes his helmet. He is sporting a bright grin, so bright that you're sure it’s going to make the sun envious, as his fingers comb through his damp curly hair. A few stray strands are stuck on his sweaty forehead. You feel the urge to sweep them aside for him.
You search through your mental thesaurus for the synonyms of the word amazing and have chosen: “Impressive.”
Light beads of sweat trickle down his face and neck. A McLaren staff member comes and hands him a towel to wipe them off. Lando thanks her and she leaves. He thrusts the towel towards you. You blink in confusion.
“Will you do the honors?”
“Can't you do it yourself?”
“But you have to play the part of a sweet girlfriend, am I right or am I right?” You roll your eyes at his cheekiness, rising to a stand. You place the McLaren jacket in your hands on your chair. Lando handed it to you before he climbed into the car. You don't know the reason behind his action. Nevertheless, you held the jacket for him.
You take the towel from his hands, your fingers grazing with his. Lando’s smile threatens to split in half as he puts his hands behind his back, parts his legs a little, and then bends down so you won't have a difficult time wiping his sweat for him. You're not that much shorter than him and your height difference is perfectly reasonable and comfortable but you're still grateful that he's doing this for you.
You don't wipe his sweat. Instead, you pat them out. Patting is gentle on skin. The towel will simply absorb the sweat on his skin. Rubbing the skin can lead to skin irritation and inflammation. Lando’s eyes flutter close at your actions and you swear you see him leaning against your hand.
“You raced good today,” you praise him.
You have zero idea on what happened in the past hour. The cars went around in circles. Then, they time their laps. They’re not even racing each other. You thought they would.
In all honesty, you think the entire thing is a bore. The street races you went to when you were a teen were more fun. A minimum of three drivers gets injured every race and it's highly likely someone ends up dead, which is your messed-up definition of the word fun.
You’re more interested in the special guest who decided to grace the track with its great reptile presence. A dinosaur. Kidding, it's just a lizard. It looks like it was surveying the scene and strategizing a great dinosaur invasion.
Lando's chest swells, “Well, I have to impress my girl.”
He opens his eyes and they meet yours. They're twinkling with mirth.
“Color me impressed then.” Despite your words, your tone is unimpressed.
He smiles impossibly wider, now showing his full set of pearly white teeth. He bites his bottom lip. You stop patting his sweat and lower your hand to the side.
“You don't have any more races tonight?” you question. Lando straightens.
“Later at 9 PM.”
“That's quite late.”
“It is?” Lando’s head tilts to the side a little. “Do you sleep early?”
You hardly sleep at all. You have a hard time maintaining regular human sleeping and waking hours. Like the other half of the world population.
“That's not it,” you shake your head. “I kind of just expected that the next practice session would be tomorrow morning.”
“Singapore usually holds night races. Track temperatures are low and the organizers can broadcast the race during peak viewing hours in European time,” Lando explains. “And they hold two practice races a day because it only lasts an hour.”
“That makes sense.”
“Are you hungry?” Lando questions, smoothly redirecting the conversation to food.
“I could eat.” You're not particularly hungry. You're not full either.
“I know a good place that sells these amazing wraps.”
Wraps sound enticing. You can't remember the last time you've eaten one.
“Lead the way.”
You chew on your beef wrap slowly as your eyes focus on the screen of your phone. The voices of the sports announcers live broadcasting the ongoing race fill Lando’s driver room. After buying the wrap, he brought you to his driver room so you can enjoy the privacy as you ate. You appreciate the thoughtfulness. You don't think you can eat outside. So many people can see you.
username33: LOOK AT THESE PHOTOS I AM GOING FERAL
username34: HOLUP LANDO'S GIRL WAS IN THE PADDOCK??? ON THE DAY I DECIDED NOT TO GO?? EVJSNSVSISKS
username35: girlie was hiding 😭 she deliberately went through the back of the paddock so no one can see her going to the garage
username36: my friends and i met her today! she looks like she's lost and as fellow mclaren fans, we went to help her and she was so sweet omg and so so shy too. we tried to take a pic with her but lando arrived and told us to respect his girl’s space
username36: and i quote “do you mind if we keep the cameras away? our relationship isn't out and we’d like to keep it that way. can we respect my girl’s privacy please” WHEN I TELL YOU I MELTED ON THE SPOT
username37: girl he really said that???
username38: i’m her friend and yes he really said that 😭
username39: little lando norris is not so little anymore
username37: pls tell me you backed off immediately
username38: we did!! we kinda feel bad now that we discovered she's been battling anxiety since 2021 and that she doesn't like having photos of her taken
username40: NO BECAUSE THE WAY LANDO IS SO PROTECTIVE OF HER?? THE WAY HE SPUN HER AROUND AND PULLED HER TO HIS CHEST?? THE PROTECTIVE HAND ON HER BACK?? HIM COVERING HER FACE?? WE ALL KNOW [NAME] HASN'T BEEN IN THE PUBLIC EYE SINCE 2021 BC OF MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES AFTER HER SCANDAL AND LANDO REALLY TRIED TO PROTECT HER
username41: bae i think you forgot that he's also the reason why [name] is gaining attention again bc he accidentally storied her in his insta
username40: that's why i said tried bestie
username42: i cant believe im crying over this LANDO NORRIS U BETTER TREAT OUR GIRL [NAME] RIGHT
username43: im waiting for @hanentertainmentofficial to say smth
username44: girlie’s career flopped and now she's leeching off lando’s money smh 🙄
username45: bestie she never needed his money she’s already rich from being an idol
username44: correction ex kpop idol, her money’s probably already running out
username45: bestie she's still richer than you while you're 14 (your bio says your 14) and still living with your parents
username46: AND THAT'S VERY SLAY OF HER,, YOU CAN'T EVEN GET A RICH MAN TO LOOK AT YOU
username47: that girl who claimed that lando is her baby daddy is suspiciously quiet rn
You turn your phone off and toss it inside your cross body bag. A sigh flies past your lips as you lean against the back of the couch, setting your unfinished wrap down. Your eyes flutter close. They're beginning to sting. Too much reading.
Sleep latches its claws on you and you allow it to take you.
You stand in darkness, allowing the deafening silence to swallow you whole. Suddenly, a thousand eyes appear. Unblinking. Bloodshot. They're bulging out of their sockets. In unison, the eyeballs move and lock on your figure. Judging. Judging. Judging. Your body trembles at the weight of a thousand gazes. You can’t breathe. You can't speak.
Please stop looking at me.
Please.
I’m begging you.
Stop.
The eyes slowly became bigger and bigger. Then, they disappear. You let out a shaky exhale. You turn around and the world becomes a blinding white.
Cameras. Thousands. No, millions of them. The loud clicking noise fills your ears. Your hands stretch in front of you, trying to cover your face and your body from them. You can only squeeze your eyes shut.
Silence.
The scene changes.
You register the feeling of sand getting stuck in between your toes. Your eyes slowly flutter open. The overcast skyline and the rising tides, the telltale ingredients of a brewing storm over the horizon, can be spectated from the shore. You recognize this place. This was a place you swore you're never going to step foot again.
Jeju.
You hear your mother’s gentle voice whisper your name behind you, causing goosebumps rise on your skin and your entire body to stiffen. It's not the name you own now, but the name you were born with, the name she gave you, the name you lost when you moved to Seoul.
She calls your name again. Again. Again. And again. You ignore every single one.
She stops.
You slowly turn around and you see your mother standing there, a few steps away, barefoot like you and wearing a dress. You remember this dress. She wore it when she was pregnant with you. She keeps the photo in her wallet.
No Eun Ha looks as beautiful as she was in your childhood memories. You greatly resemble her. The eyes most especially. That's why looking at mirrors feels more like a punishment to you more than anything else.
The word “Eomma” rots inside your mouth.
Your Eomma smiles at you. It's empty, her smile. When she smiles, they never reach her eyes. That's the way it has always been. For a second, you consider apologizing.
Eomma, I’m sorry that you have to raise a child you didn’t want. I’m sorry for stealing the light in your eyes.
You don't grow the courage to say it out loud.
No Eun Ha remains smiling. You notice that the edges of her lips curl higher and higher until the smile begins to look unsettling and sinister. Then you see the skin on her cheek tear apart as her smile grows and grows. Blood drips down slowly to her neck and stains the top part of her dress. She opens her mouth into an inhumane size and you see a thousand razor-sharp teeth lining up inside it. Everything is a gory red.
You scream in absolute terror.
She says your name again, her voice this time is not as gentle as you remember.
You wake up screaming and in cold sweat. You fall from your bed and onto the floor on all fours and begin vomiting your guts out. Nothing comes up. Only saliva. You break into pathetic sobs on the floor. Terror is a familiar feeling but you will never ever get used to it.
You don't know how many hours have passed. The floor used to feel cool against your skin but now, it's never been warmer. You still don't possess the strength to leave the floor. Your body feels as if it's being anchored down giant stones.
You're exhausted. You’ve done nothing but you feel exhausted.
You want to run.
You want to run away from this pain and exhaustion.
You need a life where you're no longer exhausted.
Desperately.
A sudden shriek interrupts the silence that wraps the air. A woman's. You don't even flinch. You know it’s just Jinnie. She's the only one who has access to another keycard of your hotel room.
When Lando’s panicking face comes into view, you are shocked. So shocked that you involuntarily raise your arms and accidentally hit him below his jaw. He stumbles backwards, not expecting the blow. He let out a pained groan, hand clutching the area you hit. You quickly rise to your feet, a thousand apologies already on the tip of your tongue. This action, however, triggers a wave of vertigo. Your vision blackens temporarily, your knees giving out at your own weight. Reflexively, you grab hold of the nearest thing beside you, the mattress to soften your fall, before your shaking knees meet the floor.
“[Name]!” Lando’s voice is so loud, you flinch.
When your vision returns, his face is the first thing you see.
“Good morning,” your voice is flat and rough.
Lando hisses and his large hands cradle your cheeks. You're suddenly made aware of how large his hands are. They can cover your entire face with how big they are.
“You're pale,” his voice wobbles. “Shit.”
You want to pass out again. His hands feel so, so comfortable and so, so warm that you want to sleep with this feeling.
“Hey, hey, don't close your eyes. [Name]—” Lando hands move swiftly. One second he’s holding your face. The next second he’s lifting you up in his arms. “Jinnie, call an ambulance!”
The word “ambulance” causes you to wake up. Like really wake up.
Oh, shit.
You struggle in Lando’s arms, “Andwae! No ambulance!”
You pry yourself away from Lando, hopping down to the floor, but the man doesn't retract his hands completely. He still holds onto your forearms to support you as you try to stand.
“No. Just no. I’m fine.”
“[Name]!” Jinnie scolds. She's finally functioning again. She froze in shock when she saw you earlier.
“I’m fine!” you shout. “I’m fine! Really!”
When you get caught that you're weak, you retaliate.
You grit your teeth and clench your jaw.
“I’m. Fine.”
They don’t believe you. You can see it in their eyes. However, they're not going to argue with you. You know they won't.
“I’m going to shower,” you announce. Lando’s grip on your forearm tightens just as you pivot your heels to head to the bathroom.
“I think it's best if you stay today.”
“We all agreed that I’m going to be in the paddock from the practice sessions until the race night.”
“I’ll tell the PR team that you won't go today.”
Your brows furrow.
“Just… Rest for today, okay?”
You turn quiet. Hesitantly, you nod.
“Thanks.”
He turns to Jinnie and tells her, “Take care of her for me. I’ll visit after the qualifying.”
And like that, Lando Norris leaves the hotel room.
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