#feels good to put a label on it

[smile-files]

nickel and balloon stuff from spring on the breakfast!!! i'm keeping in mind that in the previous episode, both of them were under the impression that their friendship wasn't real...

in a way, ii3 balloon is a lot like late ii3 cabby. of course, balloon did something indisputably immoral (manipulate and exploit others), and cabby only did something thought to be immoral (keep and use files about her fellow contestants) -- but both did something wrong and had to subsequently undergo a disproportionate amount of abuse and malignment for it, ending up with them being apologetic and submissive to avoid any chance of being framed as bad again. the biggest difference is that cabby has internalized the guilt others have attributed to her, while balloon largely hasn't -- he understands the concept of rolling with the punches for the sake of keeping good connections, but he doesn't believe he deserves it.

nickel brushes off ii2 a LOT this episode. to rid himself of his guilt regarding that time, he necessarily has to delegitimize the hatred he felt towards balloon then, thus also ridding balloon of his guilt. he expresses this all vaguely, choosing to remember ii2 fondly and saying off-hand that its baggage should be laughed off -- implying that balloon has been forgiven. reasonably, balloon is happy that nickel seems to actually believe he's changed for the better, so initially this makes him happy.

of course, though, it becomes clear that nickel just wants to shove his own actions under the rug, and balloon reasonably gets pissed off. nickel treated balloon and suitcase like complete garbage in ii2, and balloon clearly hasn't forgotten that.

"it keeps things easy." it keeps things easy to roll with the punches, to endure nickel's abuse and accept his sudden friendship. note, also, that nickel is still placing the blame on balloon: he's saying that balloon didn't want to "make things better", as if nickel and balloon ever having a rift was entirely balloon's fault, and his problem to fix.

and as we can see, nickel still hasn't fully forgiven balloon for ii1. as i've discussed before, nickel seems to secretly feel incredible guilt about how he treated balloon in ii2 (which is why he goes to such lengths to repress the whole memory of it) -- but that guilt is about the way in which he expressed his disdain and distrust of balloon, not those opinions themselves, nor the motivations for them. this is all very interesting, then -- if he still believes balloon can't change from his old, bad self, why did nickel start being friends with him at all?

i think a large part of it is his projection onto balloon. nickel sees himself in balloon: someone who screwed up big-time and isn't able to become a better person after that (according to nickel). we tend to gravitate to people similar to us, after all. i wouldn't be surprised if nickel was also trying to overcompensate for his hostility towards balloon in ii2 by being very friendly with him in ii3, thereby helping him forget that he was ever hostile to him at all.

the most fascinating thing to me about balloon and nickel's relationship is how impersonal it is for balloon. he seems to value what nickel's affection represents rather than nickel himself -- and it represents that he's been forgiven. anyone who saw balloon and nickel's conflict in ii2, which was a product of balloon's nastiness in ii1 and nickel's subsequent inability to forgive that nastiness, would likely come to accept balloon and forgive him themselves if they then saw nickel being friendly with him -- because nickel is the epitome of the ii contestants' anger at him, and nickel of all people (seemingly) forgiving him would imply that he's really changed. the relationship is almost entirely a symbol in that regard. i don't think balloon has much residual guilt about is actions in ii1 -- he feels like he's adequately addressed them and changed -- but nickel having a positive relationship would be helpful in affirming that stance and proving to himself that he really has changed.

i wouldn't say it's cruel of balloon to keep this relationship going on under that pretense, but it is backhanded, and it helps explain why he was ever willing to accept nickel's friendliness unchallenged. he wanted his crimes to finally be laid to rest once and for all, and keeping nickel on good terms with him would let that happen. people would finally shut up about it. up until now, nickel wasn't explicitly denying his past cruelty towards balloon anyway, so balloon would be able to ignore that he neglected to ever bring it up; now, though, nickel is denying not only what he did to balloon but also to suitcase, which balloon is not able to tolerate. now that he's confronted nickel about that though, nickel snaps back with his condemnation of what balloon did in ii1, thereby uprooting the social stasis balloon had been able to maintain precisely because nickel refused to bring anything up before. in a way, then, balloon is purposefully shoving the past under the rug, just like nickel is.

we can't forget, though, that nickel has his own complex about fearing that he's incapable of change and incapable of forming positive, genuine relationships with people. balloon is essentially revealing that, in a way, he wasn't really friends with nickel -- at least not in the way nickel wished and fooled himself into thinking they were. if balloon truly were friends with nickel like that, then that would mean that balloon had forgiven him for his cruelty in ii2, and perhaps that he really has changed... but no. balloon hasn't forgiven him. why should he? nickel never apologized -- and given how he never apologized, it's impossible that he could've changed anyway: nickel doesn't want to apologize because that means addressing his guilt and allowing himself to feel it. he wants the forgiveness to be handed to him on a silver platter, without him having to do all of the painful work, and he's incredibly upset when it isn't. he wants to not be a bad person, but in order to do that, he has to feel like one, and he really doesn't want to. he hates who he was and doesn't want to associate with it at all.

(note how it's the suitcase robot who says "you can say sorry" when nickel says that nothing can be done about making things better...)

there's clearly an immeasurable amount of resentment these two have been harboring for each other throughout this season, which they'd only been hiding for the sake of fooling themselves into thinking they've changed (nickel) or thinking that others think they've changed (balloon). and now that they've let themselves explode with anger, partly related to the lies they'd been telling themselves falling apart, they yell at each other and balloon drops nickel down a hole!

ah, balloon and nickel's relationship... it's bizarre, it's toxic, it's convoluted, it's shady, and it's incredibly sad. i'm glad i'm revisiting ii3, especially this episode -- i used to be utterly baffled by nickel's writing, particularly in spring on the breakfast, but now it makes complete sense to me. also, i used to think balloon was entirely the victim in this relationship, while now i know that he has his own faults and own baggage in that regard. it's weird -- they hate each other, but at the same time they're dying to be liked by one another. god i love these freaks...

[sboochi]

It feels so liberating that Aziraphale and Crowley are allowed to not identify as male while still (usually) presenting as male and using male pronouns. I think it woke up something in me

[inamagicalhallucination]

the day the entire bsd fandom realizes that perhaps atsushi thinks dazai’s a good guy and likes him is becuz for the most part, dazai’s been pretty good to him 

[viric-dreams]

Whoops, more thoughts triggered.

Jones is fairly self-aware that there's something up with him. He knows about the compulsions. He knows why he responds in certain ways to different triggers. But he doesn't like to think about it, because that only makes them stronger in his mind. Instead, he tries to manage himself as best he can, to redirect into relatively harmless rituals, to extract himself from situations where some sort of an episode, and interpersonal consequences, seem inevitable.

Roberts isn't naïve, he's always known he was wired differently from most, and he was never particularly good at being able to hide nor compensate for it. Internally, there's very little denial happening in regards to either his mental or physical health. But what he can admit out loud is another matter. In the New Sequence, any sort of infirmity could've be seen as a weakness, or grounds to push him out of his position, so he was exceptionally careful to keep as much as he could out of public knowledge. Since leaving the navy, a lot of those anxieties are no longer as relevant, and Roberts feels more able to be open about it with trusted people. Roberts has recently found a therapist, and is also independently working through some things.

Ockham fully believes that there is absolutely nothing wrong with himherthem. Anyone who tries to bring up any of hishertheir behaviours as unusual or concerning is going to be shut down by virtue of being too English or too human or too overly-sensitive to know what they're talking about. Because Ockham does not see anything unusual or concerning about anything heshethey thinks or does, Ockham does not believe that heshethey needs to talk about it, and any sort of "help" would be seen as intrusive and unwelcome.

[welcometogrouchland]

YOU want canon superbat because you want to see them kiss. I want canon superbat in order to force Jon and Damian into a belligerent step siblings dynamic, ala Drake & Josh. We are not the same ///j

[grimgummies]

Not male not female not non-binary not agender not genderfluid etc etc but a secret thing,, I dunno what that thing is

[swordmaid]

this dialogue path im so 😭😭🤭🤭

[icannotgetoverbirds]

saw an exclusionist post so here's a reminder

specifically in reference to transmasc lesbians and trying to draw lines in the sand on who can and can't claim the lesbian label, about how being a lesbian is exclusive of loving men, with someone referring to the people they're attempting to exclude as "fandom gremlin transmascs and neo-mogai crazies."

I don't have the spoons for a proper response but i do feel like i need to make something clear.

on this blog we support fucky genders, fandom gremlin transmascs, and neo-mogai crazies. reblog if u love ur fellow fandom gremlin and neo-mogai crazy queers.

[kirbytripledeluxe]

God do I wish we weren't scared to exist as a system without judgement. Hi .

[childrensward]

What if I told you that regression is regression and is all the same whether or not it's "pure" or "impure." What if I told you that trying to reinvent these labels in a way that's supposed to be progressive and inclusive just further alienates those whose regression is a result of mental illness, and that doing so is an attempt at detaching yourself from severely mentally ill regressors that you are much more similar to than people who don't age regress. What if I told you that truly healthy regression is supposed to include being cathartic and experiencing "ugly" emotions and being vulnerable.

What if. Imagine..

[butch-springsteen]

hmmm.

[mars-ipan]

this is gonna sound incredibly virtue signal-y i fear but i have been feeling. so fiercely protective of all the transfems i've ever met lately

[lottieurl]

one of my controversial opinions is i won't stop using the word narcissist in a way its been used my whole life because of a psychiatric label/diagnosis that shouldn't be called that in the first place

[evilmagician430]

post aroace sally when they least expect it

[primowishes]

//There's a lot of fanon stuff for characters that just get on my nerves so bad, and I simply block and move on, but the infantilization of Furina is one of those things that I absolutely cannot stand.

[pochapal]

trying to re-enrol and the uni's site keeps telling me that my ckd marks me as disabled now but lowkey i don't fit the vibe of that so i'm overriding it wherever i can :3