#find me a spider to bite me

[cremepuf]

I just watched Across the Spiderverse and I am more delusional than ever

[3twindragons]

Deadpool and the stray litle intelligent radioactive looking spider he adopted when he was on s mission 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Now they're making ugly Christmas sweaters for each other and watch golden girls 💁‍♀️

[piplupod]

pretty sure i just got a spider bite while trying to fall asleep 🧍

[shaykai]

Gonna slap the people who named bugs

[scarletfasinera]

My sister got bit by a spider and the first thing she did was come tell me. I'm the spider guy

[superpussyking]

I think I got a tick bite on my foot but I literally never saw the tick I just got a bite. (Plus our area dosnt typically get ticks but climate change has messed that up so I've seen them around)

[theonetrueyeet]

spider ramble... particularly about false widows

in a Mood™ abt spiders currently, ESPECIALLY false widows. been going back over my arachnid section of the invertebrate module bc i have exams soon and its late and im frustrated abt how false widows get portrayed by the media and percieved by the british public... this is gonna be long and rambly and probably not make much sense and go off in a million and one diff directions sorry i just feel like talking abt spiders. this also came about bc of the big fuckoff house spider that was in my room last night on the top of my door frame but since it was late (like. midnight) and also out of my reach i went eh. ill deal with it in the morning. and then i woke up in the morning and no more spider to deal with! which i should be more stressed about i feel but im so exhausted from the run up to exams and other life stuff that im just like ok cool thats Around somewhere now ig. im guessing it was a female from the size but i cant be sure... anyway without further ado onto the main show.

so here in the uk we arent exactly known for our venomous animals. we have some but they're nothing really that dangerous (to us as humans at least. im not going into venom-prey specificity rn ive had ENOUGH of that recently). we have the european adder (which is also percieved as terrifying bc its a venomous snake but it poses very little risk to us as humans bc they are very shy and i have a lot to say abt adders but thats for another day), wasps, bees, some venomous fish (didnt know this until i found one rockpooling they r pretty neat), even some stinging jellyfish and siphonophores like the portuguese man o war. and then we have the spiders. all species of spider are venomous (minus the uloboridae family, aka the cribellate orb weavers which im not too sure off the top of my head if we have those in the uk... we might have one or two species?? idk but they arent venomous and i think theres another family that has some non venomous spiders BUT THE POINT IM MAKING IS PRETTY MUCH ALL SPIDERS ARE VENOMOUS). there are 650ish spp of spider in the uk and of those VERY FEW are at all medically significant. of these few are the rabbit hutch spider, the cupboard spider, and... the noble false widow. these 3 spiders are all known as false widow spiders. we also occasionally get the meditterreanean false widow, but to my knowledge these only arrive on imports and dont have a population within the uk.

belonging to the genus steatoda, false widows are usually seen as these terrifying death spiders that will kill you just for looking at them when really... they arent actually that dangerous. most cases of bites being severe are either a) a result of an allergy or b) it was actually caused by something other than the bite itself (such as a bacterial infection in the bite, or the "bite" not actually being a bite) or even c) greatly exaggerated by the tabloids (shocker)... like ok we dont have many scary animals in the uk but. we dont need to overexaggerate the ones that really arent as bad as people think! badgers probably pose more of a threat to you than a false widow does. have you seen a badger?! they look so cute but they are VICIOUS those things will FUCK YOU UP and give you TB on top of getting absolutely mauled. a false widow will, at most, just make you feel a bit ill for a couple of days. me personally i would take a falsie over the badger. false widows also only bite in defense! most of the time they bite because you didn't see them and happened to be a very big thing up in their personal space! tbh i would bite too

false widow bites are, to most people, no more harmful than a wasp sting. so its not exactly a fun time but its not exactly the limb destroying death bite that the british media loves to make it out to be. most bites are probably dry bites or have near neglible amounts of venom, so won't cause anything more than a bit of pain. when venom does get involved it gets a bit more complicated bc it depends on how ur body reacts to it. as i said before, most ppl its not much worse than a wasp sting but it can cause things like muscle spasms, sweating, and a raised temperature. it rarely gets worse than that. of course you can be allergic to it which will cause anaphylaxis which is a medical emergency, but this is an exceptional circumstance. most ppl bitten by a false widow will not experience that. the panic over false widows in the uk is a mixture of media-driven mass hysteria and arachnophobia.

anyway in conclusion shoutout brandon collier who did an amazing talk abt false widows during the bhs venom day both at the 2022 and 2023 events both of which i was lucky enough to attend. if i cant go to venom day this year you will see me on the news.

[arolesbianism]

Every day I mourn the fact that none of my family and friends give a single shit abt oni lore, I don't wanna keep repeating shit I've already said before on here but every now and then I just remember the horrors™ and nearly explode not being able to scream abt it again

[sunflowergirl522]

I’ve got 12 too many spider bites rn

[bitchapalooza]

So a baby spider bit me and idk what kind it was and anyway do baby spiders of any kind usually have venom, should I allow the panic attack to set in now or later?

[criminalgays]

i’ve seen no less than three (3) spiders in my bed in the past 3 hours

i can not turn my lights off and go to bed (it is currently 12:47 AM) because the spiders are going to come back and bite me and then i’ll have to be spiderman

i can’t be spiderman the buildings arent tall enough to swing from around me and i don’t want any of my uncles to die

not to mention the responsibility it will give me

[piplupod]

list of notable critters i saw on roadtrip:

6-7 black bears, 3 elk, 2 moose, 1 coyote (possibly three more but they were too far off to ID properly), 50+ bison/buffalo, 15ish ticks (not ones that carry lyme disease thankfully!), 3+ ravens (+more sightings but probably the same raven multiple times), many magpies and red-winged blackbirds, one flock of farm sheep, some big-horned sheep, one very large flying bird I could not identify but was reminiscent of a pterodactyl, a couple farm alpacas or llamas (i cannot tell the difference lol), a couple very happy little farm pigs, one black cat, and many very good dogs including a miniature schnauzer and a dachshund and a bernese mountain dog.

please enjoy a pig pog that I captured on camera:

[dialdrunk]

ellie vs ticks and the no good very bad day

[obsesssedblerd]

“SATORU!!!” 

Your white-haired boyfriend pops around the corner. “Yes? Why on earth are you screaming?” 

You fearfully point at the roach scampering up the living room wall, nervously hiding behind him. “That.” 

“Uh...What am I looking at here?” 

“Oh, don’t act— the bug, Toru!” You yell. “You mean to tell me that you can’t see that thing with your Six Eyes?!” 

Satoru lifts his blindfold, then looks back and forth between you and the insect. A wide, incredulous smile spreads across his face. “No way,” he snickers, then bursts into loud laughter. “That tiny little thing?! Baby, you exorcize curses daily, but this is what you’re afraid of?!” You stare at him blankly as he leans against the wall, breathless from laughing. Oh, my god, this is too funny.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can you just kill it, please?”

He sighs dramatically, then pokes your cheek. “Sure, I’ll take care of the big scary bug,” he mocks, and you curse underneath your breath as he walks closer to the wall. 

“Satoru—you better not do anything stupid,” you warn him. You know that he enjoys playing jokes, and you would be stupid to think that he wouldn’t bring the insect to you to scare you even more.

“Oh, relax. Why don’t you go to the room since you’re so scared?” 

You bite back any insults, and then go all the way down the hall. There, you find your other boyfriend, Suguru, who had rushed out of the bathroom, his hair wet from the shower. “Heard you scream. Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, I saw a bug in the living room, but Satoru’s taking care of it.” You reach up to push a wet strand of hair out of his face. “You can head back and finish up. By the way, for dinner, I was thinking—” 

“HOLY SHIT!!!” 

You and Suguru see the burst of crimson light from the living room before the loud explosion fills your ears. The house shakes, and both of you stumble to the ground. When everything settles, Suguru helps you up, then you both rush to the living room. 

What’s left of the living room. 

The wall is completely gone, and where there isn’t rubble from the house, there are bits and pieces of your furniture. From where you’re standing, you can see some of the neighbors begin to poke their heads out of their doors and windows, wondering what the explosion was. Then, you see Satoru, who is wide-eyed, and slightly trembling. 

Suguru is the first to break the silence. “What the hell just happened?!” 

Satoru’s chest rises and falls with each breath. He then turns to you, pointing at where the wall used to be. “You didn’t tell me that it flies.” 

“...Huh?!” You ask.

“What- Don’t ‘huh’ me!” He sputters, flailing his hands around. “The roach! You didn’t tell me that it flies! It scared the shit out of me! It was so unexpected!!” 

Finally, the only thing that could’ve happened clicks in your head. The light you saw, the blast. “Did you just fire Red?!” 

He crosses his arms. “Yes, I fired Red!! Didn’t you just hear me say that—” 

“Okay, both of you, just stop!” Suguru shouts, putting his hands up. “Just…” He then faces his boyfriend, disbelief and disappointment evident in his features. “You mean to tell me, that you blew a massive hole in our damn house all because of a roach?! Satoru, what the hell!!” 

“Suguru, it was flying!!” 

“So that’s a good reason to destroy our house?!” 

“Hey! At least it’s not the whole house,” he says, then laughs nervously when Suguru glares at him. “Like yeah, our TV is definitely gone, but, uh… at least the roach is dead?” 

“You fucking idiot!!” Suguru snaps. 

Satoru snaps right back at him. “You weren’t there to see how it was flying!” 

As they go back and forth with their yelling, you groan, burying your face into your hands. You definitely should’ve just found the strength to kill it with a shoe earlier.

----

a/n: got inspired by that post about spiders that i made lmaooooo

[absentlyabbie]

i'll tell you what converted me to being all-in on keeping cats indoors only:

living for a year and a half in a rural area with a sudden feral cat colony explosion on the property.

i moved in with my folks for a bit and at that time, one (1) stray cat mama had taken up residence on the property, but was too feral to let my mother anywhere near her. but especially after she brought three kittens around, mom fed her and the kittens in hopes they'd grow trusting enough she could catch for spay and neuter at the minimum. momcat stayed mean and hella wary, but the kittens would hang around a little nearer and play with my mom via long stick, but still wouldn't come close enough to touch or catch.

unfortunately, two of the three kittens were girls and started having kittens of their own before further progress was made, shortly after i moved in. and that was pretty much instant doom.

there were so many kittens. SO MANY. multiple litters. every time we turned around, more kittens.

we fed them. we hunted for and located the kittens every time anywhere on the property and would move them to a repurposed doghouse anytime a mama cat had them somewhere else, so that they could grow up human-socialized and we could spay/neuter them when they were old enough. (also it was a handy tactic to push the issue of the mamas getting more used to/trusting of us themselves. only really worked with one of them, though.)

and we watched them die.

we watched litter after litter of kittens never make it to the age they could be spayed or neutered. the moms stayed, for the longest time, too skittish to more than briefly touch, much less catch and crate for a vet visit.

it sounds like a silly joke to say i have kitten-related ptsd, but i absolutely do.

too many goddamn times i'd walk out of the garage and find the carport and gravel drive strewn with tiny bodies. others simply went missing, never to be found.

one in particular, i wish i hadn't found, and the visual literally haunts me still, almost a decade later.

i saw so many kittens die of snake bite, spider bite, wild dogs, birds of prey, hit by cars, respiratory illness, covered in fleas and eyes crusted with infection.

and we loved them all. scrimped for antibiotics if the vet could be convinced to give it to us despite our being unable to bring them in. bought flea collars and ointments. we cared for them and fed them and petted them and played with them, brushed their fur and cleaned up their little faces, put ice in their water in hot summer, rigged a heating lamp in their house in the winter.

and they died. horribly. that property is pocked with unmarked graves of kittens and cats.

all the best intentions, not enough resources, and it didn't matter anyways because the population went from three to almost twenty (at times, over thirty) in the blink of an eye.

they died and died and died. our hearts broke over and over again. the stress and anxiety wore us down like sandpaper. i think, by the end of it all, we managed to find less than 10 of them all homes, including batman the disabled kitten i found a home across the country through tumblr.

it was carnage and tragedy, frankly. and we were helpless.

it only ended because they started dying faster than they could be born, and because we finally caught the two remaining mom cats in traps and got them spayed.

the points about outdoor cats being invasive predators devastating to local wildlife populations is true and valid and important.

but i know cat people, and cat people who don't know better than to let cats outdoors. what matters to you is the cat itself, generally. the cat being happy and taken care of.

keeping cats outdoors, letting them outdoors, is not taking care of the cats. it's not protecting them. it's not giving them any happiness or invigoration that couldn't be provided to them as indoor-only pets with just a little research and effort.

they die. they get ill. they get hurt. they're at risk of predators, and cars, and disease, and carelessly cruel children and deliberately cruel adults. they're at risk of disappearing on you because someone else saw a cat outdoors and intervened to give it a better, safer life not in conflict with the local environment.

and if that offends and angers you that someone would just take a cat they saw roaming outdoors, even collared, and that it sounds like i'm endorsing that, i am, but not if you intervene and be that person yourself for your own cat.

if what matters to you is doing right by your cat because it's family and a living creature whose happiness and health and safety is important to you,

keep them indoors. not part time. always. exclusively.

edit: since apparently i need to clarify this, i'm saying cats should live inside, that they should not live outdoors, even part time. visiting the outdoors supervised on a leash or in an enclosed catio is not the same as even part-time living outside, and i am certainly not advocating against it.

[miguel-ohara-eater]

Spider DNA 🕷️

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(red: Miguel)

(summary: you caught Miguel in his office rutting, and he asks for help. only for you to find out another defect of his spider DNA)

CW: monster fucking, aggressive sex, biting, clawing, licking, uses of degrading names, 2 dicks, slight choking if you squint, edging, anal.

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12:46 PM.

You just had gotten done on a mission with Peter B, walking down the lobby halls and squeezing past a couple of the other members with an empanada in your hand.

You'd popped into the cafeteria, grabbing two empanadas (one of which you'd already eaten by then) and the second one for Miguel.

Miguel and you have never really spoken since you first were recruited, but sometimes he'd make small talk that surprised you considering he'd never really talk to anyone. So you thought it would be nice to bring him some lunch as he's locked up in his lab as usual.

You make your way down Sector 4, getting in the elevator as it goes up and you keep your hands around the empanada container, making sure it stays warm.

The large doors finally open as you get to the top, walking down the hall and past several big machines from Miguels projects, the lights dark as usual.

The closer you got to the main part, the heavier the buzzing sound in your head became, your spider senses tingling but you ignored it, assuming nothing could possibly happen.

But then you get to the end of the hall, leading to the main part of the lab and you see Miguel hunched over his desk, helplessly and aimlessly humping the side of a table.

His face was a flushed mess, biting his bottom lip with his eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to have some sort of relief underneath his suit.

His grunts and whimpers fill the lab, as he claws and bites at the desk, humping repeatedly.

Your eyes widened, an unexplainable knot twisting in your stomach but in a... good way?

You go to take a step back but by the time your heel had lifted off of the ground he was already standing up and glaring at you.

"what are you doing here.?" he snapped

You didn't know what to say, so you just held up the empanada in the small cardboard container.

"... empanada." you mumbled, your eyes still wide.

His platform was already on the ground, so he was in front of you within seconds. His eyebrows scrunched together and with every breath he took he let it out in a small growl.

"um... here." you say shakily, putting it to his chest as if you expect him to take it.

but instead he grabs your wrist, the empanada falling out of your hand and he yanks you closer, absolutely staring into your soul.

"don't want it." he says in a low voice and tilts his head, leaning closer and he... sniffs?

your eyes widen and you feel his breath behind your ear as he smelled you.

"help me." he whispers, his tone making you wanna get on your knees right then and there.

"with what?" you say trying to keep your voice less shaky than before.

"what season is it cariño?" he mumbles, his other hand moving around you to the small of your back as his other hand keeps hold of both of your wrists.

"summer?" your tone is confused and he sniffs the crook of your neck.

"breeding. breeding season." he grumbled. oh. he was rutting. it all made sense now, the behavior change, humping his desk, smelling you, you must've forgotten he was 50% spider. but now it made sense and you were horny just from watching him for those 15 seconds of the humping so how could you say no?

"what if we get caught?" he took that as a yes, immediately biting slightly into your neck and ripping the crotch out of your spider suit.

"h-hey!" you said and he got on his knees, ignoring you and pulling your legs apart as he stuck his tongue in between your folds.

you almost fell backwards, and he held you by the waist and aggressively moved you over to the wall, pressing you back against it and he pulled your legs over his shoulders and stayed on his knees. his tongue desperately lapping at your clit, sucking and slobbering all over your already wet pussy.

"you're gonna be so good to my cock." he mumbled into you, the vibrations making you whimper and put your hands in his hair.

his hands clawed into your thighs, digging into the skin slightly and the longer he desperately ate you out, the tighter the familiar knot got in your stomach.

"f-fuck Miguel I'm gonna-" damn it.

the knot painfully faded away, Miguel had already stood you back up and was cleaning his face off with his tongue after denying you to cum.

"you're here for ME hermosa." he hissed, grabbing your chin and hunching over you.

you just nodded, and he turned you around and pushed you against the wall

he buried his face into your neck, inhaling your scent.

then he pulled down the neck of your spider suit, revealing your skin and he licked from the crook of your neck to the back of your ear.

your eyes widened and you looked at him, his eyes were closed and his face was flushed but still buried into your skin.

it was... cute. but that cute thought immediately was yeeted to another side of your head when he opened his eyes and grabbed you, hoisting you over his shoulder and he walked back to his platform and slammed you onto the desk.

before you could even say anything his suit dissipated, revealing his toned body and muscles which were even hotter underneath the suit but further down, two rock-hard (at least 10 inch) dicks were staring right at you.

"I'm gonna fuckin ruin you." he growled, grabbing your chin and making you look up at him.

"tw- how- huh?" you couldn't even get the words out, looking down at his monster cocks.

he rolled his eyes and squoze your chin harder

"it's a defect. 50% spider dna. remember? spiders have two reproductive organs, so I get two dicks." he snapped

you looked up at him, wide eyed and you didn't even know how he was gonna fuck you.

"and you're gonna take it like the whore you are."

you didn't know what to say, but the thought of two dicks absolutely ruining you like that sounded like the best thing ever.

you nodded, and he flipped you onto your stomach and positioned himself behind you, arching your back with one arm under your hips and the other arm around your neck with his face in your shoulder.

you whimpered, the two heads of his cocks poking against your entrance and your anus.

he stuck his fingers in your mouth, still not putting his dick in.

"suck." he commanded, and you wrapped your tongue around his thick fingers and started sucking.

the position was uncomfortable, bent like a pretzel but that's how he liked it. that's how you liked it.

without warning, he bottomed out. a loud squelch followed by a shriek from you and a groan from him entering the air.

you squeeze your eyes shut, your hand reaching up and grabbing onto his arm that was around your neck.

"god you're so tight..." he groaned, thrusting in and out without giving you time to even adjust to the monster cocks filling both of your holes.

"you were made for me. you're my whore." he whispered in your ear, licking your jaw as he thrusted mercilessly into your holes.

you moaned loudly, your hand clawing at his arm and your mouth sucking harder on his fingers.

the sounds of skin slapping, squelching, groaning, whimpering, and moaning were the only things you could hear. the occasional degrading things or sweet nothings Miguel would whisper into your ear made your brain go foggy.

you could feel him everywhere. he was all over you, and inside you. you swore you could feel every single vein on both of his cocks.

next thing you knew you'd came 4 times and he had 3. he was a whimpering mess, biting your shoulder and fucking you at the same relentless pace as he was before even if the overstimulation was killing him.

"I'm gonna get you so fucking pregnant baby.." he whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut and biting into your neck.

"you wanna have my kids? Yeah baby?" he cooed, even if he knew you couldn't answer.

your jaw was slack, eyes rolled into the back of your head and your pussy and anus still milked his cock for more cum.

"mm you're so good to me cariño." he muttered, both of your guys cum dripping out of your holes.

"so so so good. God I love this pussy... I'm gonna make you a mama and use you like a whore everyday." he ranted, his face red and his eyebrows scrunched in concentration of cumming just one more time.

his hips stuttered, his pace faltering and it was a familiar thing by now.

"fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-" then his 4th load of warm seed was shot into your holes, making you moan and he pulled out with a squelch.

he collapsed onto you, his arm slipping out from underneath your hips and out from around your neck and the only sound you could hear now was his soft breathing.

you'd thought you'd died, the white stars fading away from your vision and you laid your head on the table.

"fuck..." you sighed, and he slowly sat up and covered himself with his suit.

"I'll make note to call you next time." he muttered, helping you off of the table and he just tossed you a tissue.

you stood up, cleaning yourself off with the tissue but with the amount of cum coming out of you it wasn't enough and you could barely even stand.

he looked at you, then walked past you to his holographic screens.

"take a plan b." he said without even looking at you.

"um... okay."

"and I'll have Lyla make you a new suit."

you nodded, then left and got in the elevator. hoping that you would be able to run fast enough so nobody saw your ass and pussy hanging out, but the idea wasn't that bad, leaving the empanada long gone and forgotten about, cold in it's box.

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THIS IS MY FIRST WRITING PIECE 🥳🥳

I hope you all appreciate it, I hope it's good 😭

but thank you to @pissjuicencumballz for the idea.

SEE YOU ALL OCT. 2!!!