#first few time she had it and still cannot poof them out of physical existance it become a very very annoying problem

[sethdomain]

spooked

[lindwyrmrelinquished]

So....what are some of your headcanons for Ranbutler?

OHHHHHHHHHH BUDDY, YOU ARE OPENING YOURSELF TO A WHOLE NEW CAN'O'BEANS HERE

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL-

(everything else under the cut because there is a L O T )

Butler's human form is predominant(which unfortunately means he does not have a tail :(), but he can make Ender noises/speak Galactic. He's got a bunch of stims and tics, and making the Ender noises is one of them! He often makes them to fill the silence, or in times of high emotion(positive or negative. just imagine a Butler bouncing on his toes while excited Ender chirps keep coming out of his mouth, or he's rambling about something and half of it is layered with Galactic). Following from that, Butler has something that Billiam calls the "monochrome form". If he's under high levels of stress, whatever dark tint of color is in his right side will start spiking into the left side, making his skin darker(and, if he has enough color in his skin from NOT FUCKING OVERWORKING HIMSELF, it can get dark enough to blend into shadows) and spreading from the little black scales on his neck and cheeks and hands(which are already claws, that's why he wears gloves), and if he's really stressed/pissed, little horns are gonna start poking out of his skull and he's gonna be completely gray/black, his teeth are already deadly but they're gonna get sharper and if you look him in the eyes he will s c r e a m and very likely tear you apart if Billiam isn't there to hold him back/calm him down.

Speaking of! Butler very much dislikes eye contact. It makes them extremely uncomfortable and the Ender part is gonna start screaming to attack attack attack and the pupil-slit thing is gonna happen. Unfortunately, he's frozen by the eye contact and cannot move of his own free will, it's all going to be instinct to either get away or attack, if he moves at all. And the moment the eye contact is broken, he starts to calm down and all the screaming in his head starts to dissipate, so he doesn't really get the chance to consciously act on the Ender side's instinct.

NEXT OF ALL, throwing canon out the window and saying BILLIAM AND BUTLER ARE FOUND-FAMILY. The way they acted in the episode is just that, an act. In reality, they actually Care each other Very Very Much and have adopted each other into their respective hybrid groups(i.e Endermen have their hauntings, Piglins have their sounders{that part's not canon to mc but i yoinked it from a fic}). Hubert jokes about how Billiam accidentally adopted Bu as his son, but both Bu and Bi deny this. Hubert also got Liaria and James in on the joke and now these two are being constantly triple-teamed.

ON THAT NOTE Liaria and James know about the Egg. It happened at the tail end of Bu's first masquerade when they started accusing Billiam of committing all the murders, and Bu kind of panicked and outed himself as the killer, he pulled out the knife and everything. Billiam admitted that he knew about this, and showed them the Egg as explanation. Now Liaria and James willingly give up their bought lives to the Egg on the regular(we might get into the lives thing later{it was also something i yoinked from a fic, and then I gave it more explanation}) to keep Billiam and his family alive, but they're not all that affected by it due to not even being near it half the time.

AND ON THAT NOTE, let's talk about Butler's relationship with the Egg! Bad. It's bad. Absolutely terrible, the two despise each other immensely. I like to say they're the closest thing to caliginous that a teenaged hybrid that lived off spite and an ancient crimson demon can be. The Egg's hurt Bu a lot, and honestly that's part of the reason his contempt and fear for it is so high. But that's also part of the reason why Billiam was pulled out of its influence despite living right above it. Because he cares for Bu, a literal child that's suffered severe mental and physical trauma at the hands(well, vines) of the Egg. Honestly? Billiam wouldn't be the way he is now if he didn't have to take trips to the Nether. Short explanation, too much time away from their home realm gets hybrids really really sick. So, about a few months or so after Bu arrived, he had to yeet back there for a week and just told Butler and Hubert to take care of the mansion. And you know what Hubert did, that bitch? He took advantage of both Billiam's absence and Butler's skill and pampered himself while throwing the entire load onto the child. And then like halfway through the week, he got the idea to introduce said child to the Egg, who before then has had no idea it ever existed aside from the crimson red aura around the mansion(it's a whole thing about Endermen and magic but again, another thing I might get into later). He hadn't even attended a party before then. So, yeah, Hubert just left him down in one of the old cells for three days. Didn't even check on him, that bitch. And then when Billiam game back, suffice to say he was PISSED. He may be a rich bastard who causes murders biweekly, but even he has standards, and hurting a damn 7-8 year old child that bad was not one of them. he can't be held responsible for child labor, bu followed him home by his own choice. again, another whole backstory thing

Bu's genderfluid! He usually switches between he/him and they/them, and the direction he nods is a little indicator of which one(up for gender, down for no), but sometimes he uses she/her. Adding on that, due to Weird Enderman Genetics, he can manipulate his hair to grow real fast and likes to experiment with it in the mornings for Maximum Gender Euphoria This means that one day his hair could be barely touching his neck, and the next it's all the way down to his waist. It's a fun little anomaly and sometimes Billiam likes to play with it when it gets longer :3 travelling on the lgbt train, Bu is also ace/aro! This doesn't have much impact story-wise(usually), but it's just a fun little tidbit :3 On other, more Ender notes, he has pretty much all the traits an Enderman does, even if he looks fully human aside from being 6 inches taller than Sir Billiam himself. With the eye-contact thing, I've got a headcanon that Endermen can kind of read minds to an extent if they look into another entity's eyes, but it gets loud and borderline painful if anything but another Enderman does the same. Meanwhile, Bu's about the perfect mix of an Enderman and a Human(later called Players and Villagers depending on their capabilities) to be able to take at least a few seconds of eye contact. He can also teleport! To about the same extent as Endermen, if not a little less. Unfortunately, spending too much time in the void between teleportations(i.e a few hours for him, though an hour in the void is a minute in reality. It's why teleporting happens in the blink of an eye to anyone but the user) has some adverse effects. Bu's either glitched, gotten some sort of void-sickness like a flu but worse, and/or lost large chunks of memory each of the separate times he stuck himself in there for too long. Pure-blooded Endermen have a longer tolerance, but even they can succumb to the void with enough time.

Bu's also hurt by water, and the first time Billiam really figured this out is when he dragged him to the roof because it was raining and for some reason, Bi really likes the rain. Bu, on the other hand, was hospitalized for a day once Billiam actually realized, "oh, he's burning" Unfortunately, Bu can still produce tears, so he's got some scars on his cheeks and hands from those, Luckily, though! Billiam got him some gloves and a facemask reminiscent of cc!Ranboo to hide those scars because bu's. really self-conscious about them :,D

But also he's got TOE BEANS,

[ahem] So Endermen are basically giant block-holding teleporting cats and no one can convince me very much otherwise. So on the one hand, they have giant hands shaped for holding blocks. On the other hand, T O E B E A N S

So Bu's got beans on the pads of his fingers and feet(which also end in claws with a black gradient because Peak Character Design <3). Billiam likes to hold his hands on the rare occasion he doesn't wear his gloves because mans likes to stim with those toe beans. Meanwhile Billiam himself has nicely-textured hands because of his Piglin hooves and Bu also likes to stim with them, so just. them holding each others hands for mutual stimmage

[ahem] anyway

Bu stims!! He flaps his hands and does thing really rapidly and harshly when he's really high-strung, which doesn't happen often, at least in front of people. Boy's got anxiety so he's had his fair share of panic attacks :,D he just knows how to disguise them so people don't see, but Billiam knows the signs at this point. But he also has a lot of vocal stims/tics, mainly lots of Enderman noises, some popping and a little screechy thing here and there. Sometimes he picks up a sound and then repeats it a whole bunch because it feels nice on the tongue :] there's also these poofs of particles that happen when he's happy, they look like mini purple fireworks and they're like an expulsion of magic, he can feel when they happen and it feels nice :]

(cw for self-harm in this paragraph and the followed copy-pasted convo)

[ahemhemhem] So y'know how Butler's an Ender-hybrid? His hands and feet reflect that(along with the ears, the eyes, the height, the abilities, but we're talking about about the hands here). Part of why he keeps those gloves on almost 24/7 is to dull his claws, which are not so much an intentional danger to others rather than an unintentional danger to himself. He's got tics and stims and is very neurodivergent and has anxiety(me projecting? noooo /hj), so he gets very nervous very easily. And one of his nervous habits rather than wringing his hands, fidgeting, and (if really bad)a heightened amount of tics, he tends to scratch at his arms. His claws can tear through the fabric easily, and more than one or two suits have been sent back to the tailors for repairs to the sleeves. However, having both padded sleeves and padded gloves nullifies that, so he always wears them special-made. If he didn't have that habit, he likely wouldn't have the gloves on as often as he does.

Friend Hey good headcanons 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 Also ohhhh my god Billiam fussing over him and his gloves until he gets them to be the right amount of padded where Bu can still do things but also not hurt himself

Me gbfhdgbhgsfhbgsfdhdf He keeps examining them every time the tailors try but it doesn't feel right until That Specific Try so he just plops the gloves back on the counter and says "Do it again"

Friend They spend an entire day doing nothing but making gloves while Billiam & Hubert take turns watching Butler to make sure he stays safe

Me Absolutely Problem is Butler can feel eyes on him. And eyes make him nervous :,) so when he gets nervous. he starts to scratch at his arms again and anxiety is too much for him to ask them to stop watching him

Friend It ends up with them just having to hold his hands, looking at random things (they can go sit on the balcony or something so they have something pretty to look at)

Me That hold on actually that's adorable-

Friend Fhhdjdjdjsjsj they're friends your honor

Me Absolutely Even Hubert contributes to keeping him safe. And Hubert's afraid of even being near Butler

Friend And then we get bonding via the oh no Billiam is busy and Hubert has to take care of Bu for the next 3 hours

Me GHDSFGSHFGS THAT IS A GREAT IDEA Butler insists he can do everything himself, nothing's different about the routine, and then he has a mental breakdown when he tries to make food without anyone else in the kitchen- Cause usually Hubert's there, even if he's making something else. There's at least another presence, and that's the sort of thing that's calming for Bu. But Hubert's off setting up the table for lunch/dinner or something and Butler makes One minor slip-up and spirals from there until he's struggling even handling spice mixing The same thing happened with cookies one time, and both times Hubert found him borderline unable to function because he panicked too much and helped him out of it.

Friend Butler is just curled up in the kitchen, trying to have a quiet panic attack because he can't cause the others any more trouble than he already is, and Hubert is very quietly upset about helping him because he was doing so good at avoiding Bu but here he is again being the only thing that's letting this kid breathe

Me Absolutely

Friend Do you think Bu passes out on him? Like Hubert (probably reluctantly) gives Butler a hug cause those help, and Bu was just supposed to stay there until he felt better, but panic attacks are exhausting and he fell asleep at some point-

Me Oh my gods he would though, especially with the amount of sleep he gets He'd have to try so hard to even stay conscious, much less do things in the manner he usually does, and Hubert just quietly tells him that it's okay to sleep; he'll take care of everything. Hu never forgets that of course Bu's always in danger around him - he has fleeting thoughts and quite often knows how to act on them - but he stands up holding an exhausted child and takes him to his room so he can rest. Butler may want him to stay; Endermen usually want someone around when sleeping. It's the security of having someone watch for nightmares, but Hubert doesn't stay. He has to go back to the kitchen and finish that meal Bu was making. But if he's still asleep by the time Hu's done with everything, he might linger outside his door, listening in for anything bad.

(Okay the cw is over now, you may now go back to your regularly scheduled content :,D)

Also, one last thing: Billiam gives Butler a bunch of gold things(including the masquerade mask) because that's what Piglins do with their sounders, they cover them in gold to show they care. And after Bu finding out the reason why Billiam's been handing off a bunch of gold things to him he does not cry, because that would hurt his face, but he does feel quite a lot of things that make him want to because holy shit Billiam feels the same

Butler is Billiam's sounder and Billiam is Butler's haunting, they are family your honor

[mwokozi369]

I get almost no questions so there is no FAQ yet I will make one if I do get questions on my AUs and will make one for each AU if I do have questions.

All stories are under rewriting in AO3 so don’t look there yet.

Here are the summaries.

Diamond Bound leads to Diamond Bound: Diamond kids, they are the same universe.

The background summary for Diamond Bound and Homeworldwashed:

This is if Pink came clean to the Crystal Gems while in canon I see why she didn’t, she was afraid that her being a Diamond would ruin the message behind their movement and also she hated herself and wanted to be someone else, to run away from who she was, while it was childish and wrong I cannot fault her, her beliefs go against her purpose, everything she stands for is not what she should stand for, she hates being a Diamond and being a Diamond is like a prison to her, being Rose was a release. Her whole existence is a Diamond is like a prison to her, one she can’t escape but tries whatever she could think of, Pink had traumas and issues she was never able to receive help for. In this AU she actually decides to tell all the Crystal Gems in the beginning. I will make a mini comic on this, Pink makes a speech of her not being the leader but just a friend. Still she is a Diamond and I do believe the Crystal Gems would be unsure about this revelation and Pink was work to earn their trust just because she is a Diamond.

Pink does earn their trust and they work together. She does get Spinel and bring her back towards the beginning too and comes clean to Spinel, apologizing and instead helping Spinel find new friends, again this will be made into a chapter in the written and comic versions. There will be many chapters about Pink’s past on Homeworld and as a Crystal Gem.

Every plan Pink comes up with she tells the trusted Crystal Gems, only the trusted ones also know that she is Pink Diamond, this is so Homeworld spies don’t find out about anything. Pink gets feedback and listens to everyone. She does realize Bismuth has feelings with Pearl, again another chapter this one with Pink getting Bismuth to open up to her and it ends with Bismuth says how much of a coward she is for not being able to tell Pearl and begs Pink not to tell Pearl. Pink tells Bismuth that she isn’t a coward and tells her that her secret is safe with her but tells Bismuth to go for it once she feels ready and instead offers to help whenever Bismuth wants and would put in a good word for her. It’s a sweet scene and Pink even talks about her past with Bismuth and her regrets, her many regrets as she admits she was not the best person on Homeworld.

Pearl knows Pink’s feelings for her is of a close friend, Pink makes it clear that she loves Pearl as her best friend and her closest ally, the gem she trusts with her life. There is a scene with Pink telling Pearl that she loves her but not in a romantic way and that Pearl deserves to be with someone who returns her feelings and that she couldn’t find that if she is to be in a relationship with Pink. The two just sit there is silence and after awhile Pink goes on adding that Pearl deserves the best, that she matters and deserves to be happy, that Pearl should focus on herself above all.

Every plan Pink has goes through the Crystal Gems and it’s run as a democracy. Pink’s fake shattering is run through Garnet who predicts the attack, though no one knows about corruption so Garnet predicts that it will destroy all gems like it was purposed to do.

Pink asks if there is anything they can do protect themselves and then looks to Pearl, she doesn’t have Lion at this time and she knows she could shield herself and a few close gems. She then decides that the best course of action would be to bubble everyone besides herself and Pearl. This plan is agreed to and put in motion, the Crystal Gems are bubbled and stored in Pearl’s gem.

The stage shattering happens, Pink shields Pearl doing the last stretch when the attack happens then they release the other Crystal Gems. They soon realize the attack corrupted the Homeworld soldiers who were unable to leave in time and they bubble them.

Pink goes on to live a life similar to canon but everyone knows she’s Pink Diamond, Pearl has no gag order and the Crystal Gems are around. She has who own adventures, helps Bismuth open up to Pearl about her feelings and Pearl gets together with Bismuth. Pink gets Lion but does tell Pearl about him and later meets Greg and they have Steven.

However in the two AUs Pink is able to live inside of Steven’s gem. Steven has her memories, she watches his life through the gem and is sometimes visits him through dreams to help him.

The Two AUs split up now. Homeworldwashed Steven is found as a baby and taken.

Diamond Bound’s Break:

Events are extremely similar to canon up to Steven’s Dream. Steven does keep his heritage different from Homeworld gems like Peridot and Jasper so those arcs stay the same up to after Peridot becomes a Crystal Gem and the Cluster is dealt with when she is told everything and she gets to have a little comic of her processing everything. Jasper later is told this and Steven has his gem rotate to its Diamond shape and she later becomes a Crystal Gem but first tries to get Steven to join you with the Diamonds but later gives up and decides to protect her Diamond.

Now comes Steven’s big mistake. He does start to think hiding his identity as Pink Diamond as unnecessary as it helped get through to Jasper so he believes it can help him get through to other gems. Steven shows Eyeball his Diamond and flashes her Diamond eyes. Eyeball believes the best course of action it to poof Pink Diamond and bring her back to the Diamonds but Steven flings her away in space.

Steven’s Dream is when it starts to change. When Blue Diamond takes Greg Steven releases his aura and gets her to stop. Blue turns to Steven and drops Greg but Steven manages to catch Greg and once setting his father down is snatched by Blue Diamond who takes him away.

When they arrive to Homeworld Steven is brought to White where he tells her he is not his mom and she takes out his gem. Pink’s coding is still there and she reforms. Once seeing her dying son she scoops him up and uses her tears to heal him. He needs a gem, his DNA has Diamond code in it so a new Diamond form’s within Steven.

Steven is unconscious at this time. When he wakes up Pink has to take him back to White, it was White’s orders. At this time Steven is confused and doesn’t know what’s going on. This is where we are at in the comic, the background will be covered in the comic. Soon everything will become clear, this is Steven’s perspective right now but it will be clearer once we switch to Pink’s perspective.

Homeworldwashed:

Same background, same reason Steven is alive with Pink’s tears making him his own Diamond. Steven grows up on Homeworld as a baby. White Diamond is more cruel in this AU. Yes it follows more Diamond Bound’s story but with a different twist.

Two Rebel Leaders:

Rose and Pink are two different people, Pink hated what was going on and purposely made a defective Rose Quartz to try and get the Earth to be abandoned but it doesn’t work. Rose Quartz then convinces Pink to join her side completely and shows Pink the beauties of gems because at this time Pink was just fighting for Earth. Pink joins as a spy and they later stage the shattering, Garnet perdicts an attack and so most gems were bubbled for their safety but not all as some were unable to do so in time. Rose Quartz shields a few Crystal Gems and Pink shields her close friends, Spinel, Garnet and Pearl.

They live life like normal but with more Crystal Gems, Pink is a little more reserved and prefers just to hang out with her small circle of friends and organic life. She meets Greg and has Steven, she was able to make a copy of her Diamond and give it to Steven which drained her and made her weak for awhile be she did recover and survived to raise Steven, both with their own intact gems.

Rose later has a child, only Pink Diamond and Rose Quartzes are able to have hybrid children with organic life since they have a special connection with organic life however Rose can’t make a copy and gives up her physical form to have her child. Rose has a baby girl, Nora and her father leaves so Pink and Greg are left to raise her themselves.

Nora messes up one day as a little kid, pressing random buttons in Pink’s Leg Ship and ends up calling Yellow Diamond. Yellow answers because she is utterly confused why she is recieving a call from Pink’s Leg Ship since only Pink could power it on and Pink was shattered. She sees a human toddler, another human child who has pink diamond eyes and then spots Pink who rushes to turn it off. Yellow tries to message and call Pink back but Pink ignores her so she gets Blue and even White to help her.

Pink gets threatening messages and Yellow tells her about the Cluster, Pink begs her to shut it down and leave the Earth alone and Yellow, Blue and White agree if Pink come back. With no other choice Pink agrees but then takes it back saying she has to raise her hybrid son. The three order Pink to bring him and that they’ll have a base that she can warp to from her room whenever they wish. Pink agrees and has to bring Nora too.

Once settled in Nora is brushed off by everyone as they all focus on Pink and Steven and Pink, though she tries her best to be there for both of them is focused more on Steven since he is not just her son but also the one the other Diamonds are trying to sway to be more like them. Pink tries to make sure Steven doesn’t turn out like them and argues a lot with the other Diamonds.

Steven and Nora must adjust to life on Homeworld, Pink must protect them and they all have to find a way to free themselves from The Great Diamond Authority.

Also Asks are always welcomed and appreciated.

Want to start reading?

Diamondbound’s first page is https://mwokozi369.tumblr.com/post/640316884201422848/intro-part-1

or first

[iblue-kitzune]

Of Rising Calamities Beyond the Cosmos: Chapter 3

Subtle changes in the atmosphere were far and few between these strange times, but they were there, lying in wait, churning beneath the surface, and everyone can feel it.

A big one, as slight as it appeared to be, was upon them. In the water, in the air, or under the very ground they stood upon, it didn't matter. They could truly sense it in full, feel it deep within their bones and down to their very souls.

The change was so deep and felt so ominous, from the way the wind stopped blowing in mid-gust to the storm clouds clearing away in haste as if they got spooked by something, that it put everyone on the island all on edge.

No thunder...

No lightning...

And no rain...

It all suddenly stopped.

But that’s not what made them freeze up in fear. No, it was the agonizing silence that came immediately after the change they felt seconds ago.

It was quiet...

Too quiet...

                                            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Inferno’s eyes snapped open the second he heard the sound of rushing water and garbled cries for help. Now immediately on guard, the dragon-bird raised his head and looked out in the distance, past the waterfall and past tall shrubs, to see an enormous flock of different birds and winged monsters burst into the area, and before he could react, they all flew right past his resting spot without a word.

"[What the—]" he jumped to his feet, jaw dropping in disbelief at the sight of an incoming tidal wave looming over the horizon.

Hearing more cries and roars, he took a quick glance down and had to not only bite back a curse but also stop his heart from jumping straight out of his chest as he witnessed an endless amount of monsters and wild animals get swept up in the current, never to be seen or heard from again as they were now lost within the watery depths.

His heart went out to them.

'[This isn’t good...]' he slowly backed away from the approaching tidal wave, and took a quick look behind him out of the corner of his eye. ‘[I need to warn Jane and Kagome. But first...]’ a purple glow surrounded his body as he closed his eyes, drew forth his mana, ‘[I must do this!]’ and shouted in his mind vehemently.

SWWWOOOOOOOOOOO!

The spirit ignored the biting sting from the sudden huge gust of wind that ripped through the area as a large glowing red colored rune materialized in place on the ground beneath his feet... 

“[Let the flames engulf you!]” Inferno started to chant, ignoring the shadow of the tidal wave looming over him and the cave as he stood to his full height of fifteen-foot-three and spread his wings wide open...

ZZZOWP!

And he ignored the sudden appearance of a new aura that just blinked into existence one thousand feet above him as his eyes snapped open.

"[Flame Ring!]" he cried out with a powerful flap of his wings.

A reddish-gold and orange circular ornament-like glyphs, in the form of hot flames, shot up from the ground right as the wave crashed right into, and blocked it.

FIIIIIZZZZZZZZZ!

The spirit gritted his teeth, holding onto his attack as the water began to dissipate bit by bit, ‘[Come on...]’ and as a result, a cloud of steam appeared before the dragon-bird and surrounded him from all sides.

‘[Damn it! I can’t see!]’ he squinted his eyes, trying to see how much water was left through the ever-growing veil of steam but to no avail.

The steam was too thick, making it not only harder for him to make out anything in the distance but it also clogged up his senses—specifically, his sense of smell and his sense of intuition.

He couldn’t smell or sense anything!

And what made things worse was that some of the steam was circling his around his spirit arte, completely blowing right past him —damn that cursed wind—, and straight into the cave!

"[Oh no...]" he looked back in horror. That will surely cause a problem for the ladies later on. He knew that for a fact—

WHOOSH!

A dark shadow interrupted his thoughts as it appeared right above him, and because of this, Inferno’s concentration of keeping Flame Ring up shattered into millions of pieces.

‘[No!]’

The flames vanished into thin air, and before the spirit could react, the unknown object plowed through the veil of steam of steam and landed right on his head, a cry of pain and shock escaping from his lips as he was knocked over.

‘[...S...Shit...]’

The last two things he saw before everything went dark was the identity of said object, which turned out to be a small dark colored griffin with a muzzle on his beak, and a small tidal wave rushing towards him.

Resigning to the fate that has fallen before him, he slowly shut his eyes closed and said his final words.

‘[...Jane...]’

The current washed over Inferno and drug both him and the griffin, who immediately latched onto his head without even realizing it, underwater.

‘[T...Take Kagome and...r...run away!]’

                                            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Hey Auntie...”

“What?”

“Inferno is one of the Five Great Spirits on Earth, right?”

The sudden question, while it did not make her pause in the slightest as she continued walking through the dark cave with a blue colored flame lit in her left hand, confused her greatly.

“Yes,” Jane replied and looked back at the young black haired woman walking behind her. “Why do you ask? I thought you already learned this in elementary and high school?”

Kagome pursed her lips in thought. “I did...” she paused and considered her next words, “It’s just that...since you summoned him through a summoning spell instead going to his shrine domain and physically meet up with him like you or anyone else normally would, what happens to him if he gets hurt and defeated by someone?” she looked at the older woman who turned back around and faced the pathway up ahead.

At her inquiry, the older woman placed her free hand underneath her chin and rubbed it between her thumb and index finger. “Well it’s simple really. He just disappears,” Jane said with a small hum.

“Really?” she asked in astonishment.

“Yes, really,” the astrophysicist confirmed with a nod of her head.

As if she still couldn’t believe it, Kagome then asked, “Like all those who’ve been turned into summons do? They don’t die?”

“It’s a little complicated to explain, but when you create a summoning contract with any spirit, great spirit, or even a monster, they get placed in a special position. If you summon them to your side from wherever they were at, in battle or outside of battle—it doesn’t matter, and they either get knocked out or defeated from taking too much damage, they disappear and go back home. Or back to the last location they were in before they got summoned,” Jane elaborated in a teacher-like tone of voice. “It is only during this time, when you summon them, that they cannot die. They’re safe...” she said, moving her hand away from her face and dropping it to the side. “For the time being that is.”

Kagome blinked, forming an O shape with her mouth. “I guess that means if they’re not brought into the field and turned into mere summons through the contract you have with them, they will die,” she finished with a mumble, her face looking grim.

“Precisely,” Jane said solemnly. “And their names get crossed out in the contract after that. You’ll know when it happens,” she explained in a low voice. 

“How?” the young miko asked with a raised brow.

“By opening up the contract and checking the name after it and the scroll glows white,” the scientist answered. “That part is not exactly common knowledge to academia institutions or all of Earth just yet, but right now, only those within the summoner community or those who’ve made a connection with the spirits or monsters have possession of that knowledge and more.”

“I see...” Kagome said nothing further and looked down at her feet with half-lidded eyes, staring absentmindedly at the different colored pebbles and crystallized rocks embedded into the floor, thinking about how sad all of that sounded. 

It seemed like nothing, not even a summoning contract, could save a spirit or monster from death. It only bought them enough time to recover away from danger.

And this would prolong their lives just a little bit more.

At least, that’s what she thought. The young miko didn’t know because she never actually tried forming a contract with a spirit or monster before.

Only a handful of people—ones that she knew aside from her auntie, already did...

Like her dad, her little brother, Sango, Miroku, Lady, Nero, Kyrie, Dr. Strange, Clint, Wanda, Peter, and that one guy with black hair and amber eyes named Jude she met a few years back in Reize Maxia when she visited there, once.

“That’s strange...” Jane’s voice broke Kagome out of her thoughts. “Did I just...” the young miko looked up to see her aunt standing there near the edge of a cliff, looking deeply disturbed with her hand placed firmly on her hip.

“What’s wrong, Auntie?” a frown appeared on her face as she asked this.

Jane looked back at her and grimaced.

“I just heard Inferno’s voice right now before he poofed...” she trailed off when her golden brown-amber eyes caught sight of something moving above them, “What in the world...” and quickly threw the fireball up in the air to brighten the room up even further.

“Huh?” Kagome followed her auntie’s line of sight, and a small gasp escaped from her lips. “Oh dear, that’s not good at all.”

Tiny cracks started forming along the base of the icy colored stalagmites, that loomed high above their heads on the ceiling, and creating a zigzag-like trail until they reached the very tips. And before the two ladies could react, one of them exploded, sending millions of tiny shards everywhere.

“Aaaaahhh!” the two covered their heads as a few of the shards rained down on them, slicing up their sleeved arms and exposing their flesh to the biting chill of the damp cave, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

CRACK!

FWOOOOOOOOO!

‘Oh what now—’ the two quickly jumped away from their spots, narrowly avoiding a group of stalagmites that fell to the floor with a loud crash and shattered to pieces, staining the cave floor white.

Then all of a sudden, the fire went out and the room went completely dark.

“Shit...”

It took a few seconds for them to process what just happened, and they stared warily at the pieces of stalagmite dissolving into a puddle of water on the ground with wide eyes.

They were extremely lucky that they were able to dodge that in time; otherwise, they would’ve turned into a bloody shish kabob. 

And that would have not been a pretty sight to see.

The two ladies had no desire to find out what it looks like from the other end of being stabbed through and through or find out exactly how painful the whole ordeal feels once it happens. And despite how ridiculous it sounded, the two had the Sparda Twins and Nero cover that part considering the amount of times they’ve been skewered by a deadly sharp weapon in the past...

Or stabbed through the chest without warning, and by their own weapon no less at times.

Quite terrifying when you think about it.

‘I’m starting to think that’s some twisted family tradition of sorts,’ Jane mused as she and Kagome dodged a few more fallen stalagmites in the darkness, ‘I should probably ask Dante since he’s the one who has it worse...’ then dropped down into the abyss below without hesitation, successfully avoiding the rest of them.

“Where does this lead to?!” she heard Kagome holler from somewhere above her.

“I don’t know!” Jane answered back. Then she took a peek down and noticed something very peculiar.

‘Rocky platforms?’ she narrowed her eyes in deep concentration, and sure enough, the young brown haired woman saw a couple of them sticking out of the cliff wall’s side.

‘That’ll do.’

Seconds later, however, Jane saw exactly how close she was to reaching the bottom floor. 

‘Forty feet it seems,’ she estimated in her head. 

And so, with that in mind, she moved towards the wall and pushed herself off its surface with a powerful kick and jumped high in the air. Then in that same momentum, she turned and flipped her body upright —with some difficulty— just in time for her feet to land on a stray platform.

Once that was done, and after taking a few deep breaths, Jane braced herself and jumped off the platform the rest of the way down.

“Oh thank god...” the young woman sighed in relief once she landed on the ground safely. “That was actually a little bit harder to perform than I thought,” she wheezed a bit, wiping the sweat she managed to work up in that little time off her forehead. 

‘It’s because you’re tired...’ the Aether whispered to her. ‘You and Stark’s daughter have been running around and flying from island to island for nearly ten-and-a-half hours now. Exhaustion was bound to catch up with you sooner or later after all.’

Rolling her eyes, Jane ignored the voice of the reality gem and looked up, catching sight of Kagome’s falling form and watching how the young woman landed on the floor with a grimace.

“You make it easier than it looks, Auntie,” the young miko grumbled, dusting the invisible dirt off her clothes.

Jane shrugged, saying nothing in response to her niece’s comment, and took a look around the area they landed in. Technically, it wasn’t that different than what the upper floor of the cave looked like, just a bit more open and spacious.

And what do you know, there was some form of lighting, due to illumine purplish-blue and silver-white glow the surrounding rocks gave off, in the room.

“Well, at least it’s not pitch black to where I can’t see my own hand anymore.”

Jane laughed at her niece’s off-hand comment.

“True.”

                                            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Loki didn’t know how much more he could take. Within the time he teleported in some unknown area and crash landed into that giant dragon-bird creature, who disappeared out of existence the moment the water washed over them both, the God of Mischief had been dragged under and thrown to and from every rock and wall he encountered in the cave.

He couldn’t do anything, let alone get any reprieve from the abuse his body suffered through for the past five minutes now. 

And it’s not like he could just fly out of the water and save himself—not with the condition his wings were in.

Plus, the moment he was able to push himself up to the surface to get what little air can and somehow breathe through the muzzle, that had tiny holes and cracks running along the surface of the damn contraption he once thought was indestructible —well not any more it seems—, he got dragged under.

Every single damn time!

‘Gahhh! Not again—’

A muffled groan of pain escaped from him as he was forcibly dragged underwater, again, and thrown into a much bigger rock this time, which turned out to be a broken stalagmite, shattering it in the process.

Loki closed his eyes and cursed in another language in his head. ‘That was the seventh time now!’ he seethed, cracking his green eyes wide open.

And it was a good thing he did too because there was another stalagmite heading towards him at high speed.

Panic seized him, and yet he still worked his wings and limbs into overdrive and quickly yet sluggishly moved to the side, letting the sharp rock flip past him and crash into a wall somewhere behind him. Then with a bit slight difficulty, he kicked his way up to the surface and broke free with a loud gasp that got followed by a few coughs seconds after.

‘I don’t think I can take much more of this,’ he flapped his wings and body to stay afloat, splashing water everywhere as he panted through the damaged muzzle harshly.

Too bad he couldn’t use his magic in the water. If it weren’t for the fact that his magic stopped working the moment he gets dunked in a large body of large water or for the fact that he can’t—

“Do you hear that?”

“Yeah, it kind of sounds like running water.”

“But that’s...impossible.”

Loki snapped his head up the moment he heard two familiar voices, and he turned around in the water only to freeze up at the sight of an upcoming drop—

‘Huh...?’ his body broke out into shivers at the sudden feeling of some foreign energy washing over him, and it had nothing to do with the temperature of the water, which he was already immune to. 

Then all of a sudden, a bluish-white light appeared and wrapped itself around his whole body.

‘What...what madness is this?!’ 

The God of Mischief found that he couldn’t move.

He couldn’t summon his magic...

He couldn’t counter it or teleport away out of it...

He just couldn’t break free of whatever hold he was in no matter how hard he tried.

He was trapped!

Before he knew it, the light surrounding him expanded in size until it completely engulfed him and the whole room.

When it finally died down, Loki was nowhere to been.

                                            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kagome jumped at the sight of a bright blue-white light warping in place above their heads, and to her immense surprise, a familiar dripping wet griffin, covered in cuts and bruises, popped out of the glowing portal and fell forward.

“How did you...” she trailed off, her eyes straying to the side to see her aunt’s hand glowing the same exact color. “Nevermind,” the young miko said.

A small grunt escaped from the astrophysicist’s lips as she caught the small animal and held him close. “What in the world are you doing here, Little one?” she asked, looking down at the squirming griffin, who blinked three times, as if to get his bearings, then froze still in shock once he realized where he was and who he was with. “You should still be back at home recovering from your wounds,” she spoke to him softly, reaching up to pet him on the head.

And to both of their surprise, he closed eyes and started to purr, which made the young woman smile.

“I think we should worry about that later, Auntie...” she heard her niece said over the griffin’s purring, who stopped and opened his eyes the moment she dropped her hand. “Because we got something bigger coming our way that we should focus our attention on,” the young miko continued.

Ignoring the open look of confusion, wonder, and slight relief in those shocked green eyes of his, Jane turned her attention away from the griffin to Kagome and noticed the woman slowly backing up in fear.

At the sound of roaring water, she snapped her head up—nearly giving herself a whiplash in the process, and her face dropped at the sight of a big tidal wave falling from the sky. 

‘So that’s what Inferno meant by “Take Kagome and run away”...’

With no time to waste, Jane shouldered the griffin in her embrace with one hand and grabbed a hold of Kagome’s arm with her other hand. “Time to go now!” she quickly yet gently hauled the young woman over to her side just as the water descended to the floor with a giant splash. “Hang on tight, Kagome!” she warned the young miko before levitating off the ground.

The young black haired woman nodded, too stunned to say anything as she wrapped her left arm around her aunt’s waist and held on tight.

Within a split second, a blue-white glow surrounded the three right as the tidal wave was upon them, and before it could come crashing down on the group, Jane took off with a great burst of speed.

                                            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The sudden jerk of motion surprised the god and nearly threw him out of Jane’s arms, but he latched onto the woman’s sleeves before that could happen and held on with what little strength he had left as they flew through the dimly lit cave, watching everything around them blur by with the look of resignation.

As much as he didn’t like it, Loki had no choice but to accept Jane’s assistance—not if he wanted to get out of here alive that is. He will just have to grin and bear it until they find the exit. Then he can leave the woman’s hold, and maybe her company, although he wasn’t sure about that last one there. 

It was strange how calm and at ease he was right now—even stranger how it all happened in the first place, and it happened the moment he heard Jane’s voice and landed in her arms, seconds later. 

The funny part about all of that was him not making a fuss or saying a single word about it to her. Technically, he wasn’t angry at her for putting him in a telekinetic hold even though the action itself almost sent him into a panic attack, which he should give her a piece of his mind for that, but he wasn’t going to. And he most definitely wasn’t angry at her about the fact that she literally teleported him to her side—how could he when it was she who saved him from a death that he would consider so degrading.

But to be fair, he had been more surprised at that discovery than anything else. And what a discovery it was! To learn that a mere mortal, a small Midgardian woman, could perform such incredible powers similar to that of his. It had been so powerful that not even he, a God, could break through it.

This Jane was something else entirely. An anomaly that he’s never encountered before.

And speaking of anomalies, he wasn’t exactly sure why he was content with being held for the ride, and so intimately at that too. 

Normally, he disliked being touched by another being—couldn’t stand it actually as a matter of fact. Not since the time his life got turned upside down with the discovery of him being a Frost Giant, not since the time his so-called parents lied to him, not since the time Odin rejected him when he and Thor hung over the broken Rainbow Bridge by end of Gungir, and not since the time fell into the Void after letting go.

Point of the matter is, he didn’t like it. Didn’t like the idea of being held, hug, or touched...unless he was the one who initiated the action first. 

Just him and no one else.

But somehow, and for some strange ungodly reason, a small tiny little part of him that he didn’t want to acknowledge right now—the part that he thought he’d  buried long ago when he was a sweet, naive innocent young boy, didn’t mind being held by Jane. 

Hugged by her even.

Compared to every other Midgardian he had the misfortune of being around with, before and after his awakening, there was just something different about Jane. Something that he couldn’t quite figure out just yet—and he was determined to.

So mysterious...

Like puzzle...

That’s it. That’s what she reminded him of, a puzzle!

And he’s solved many puzzles before. Some had been intriguing while others had been either boring or frustrating—borderline on the maddening side of things.

Where she fit along the spectrum was a mystery itself. 

And lucky for Jane, Loki loves a good mystery.

“The griffin’s been oddly quiet this whole time,” he heard Kagome said in a low voice, noticing the young woman looking right at him out of the corner of her chocolate brown eyes. “I wonder what’s he thinking about?” she mumbled to herself quietly.

So the girl wanted to know what his thoughts were huh? Well that’s too bad. He wasn’t in the mood for that kind of discussion, and never will be. His thoughts were his own and no else—  

“Just the usual...like every other stranger thinks when they first meet someone like me. They think I’m like some sort of interesting puzzle, an enigma, someone they can’t figure out. Pfff, as if I need to be solved by a bunch of people, animals, spirits, and monsters,” Jane said with a laugh, sounding both amused and annoyed at the same time.

“Well can you blame them, Auntie? You can, uhh, be a little hard to read at times...” Kagome pointed out. “Or talk to...sort of,” she added with a small sweat-drop.

“And you think I should make it easier for them? Jeez, I hope that’s not what you’re—” 

“Implying? Goodness no! I’m not!” Kagome grinned at the other woman. “You’re just being yourself. And if that’s something people have a hard time figuring out or coming to terms with, well I’m sorry to say that —and no offense to our new furry little friend here— that’s on them,” she continued with a shrug. “Every individual is special and unique in their own way, and you’re no different, Auntie! You are...you! You’re a Half Fire and Light Wielding Spirit with cool Psychic Powers! You’re Dr. Jane Valerie Foster, Nobel Prize Winner, one of the World’s Leading Astrophysicist, Faithful Ally and Friend to the Avengers, and one of the most recognized scientific geniuses of this time! A scientific genius who also happens to be a member of the Science Bros!” she finished with a flourish, passion dripping deep from her voice. 

“Is...that really how everyone views me whenever my names pops up in the conversations? That’s...I don’t know. You sure you’re not laying it pretty thick on there, Kagome? It seems a little...” Jane trailed off quietly, as if she couldn’t imagine the level of excitement people experienced in her presence before.

“Believe it, Auntie!” Kagome winked at the older woman then busted out laughing when she turned pink and looked down to avoid her smile. “Never thought I’d ever say this out loud but good lord you can be pretty oblivious when it comes to these kinds of things—”

“Did you just...”

“Oh please! Darcy and my little brother aren’t the only ones who still watches anime.”

“Why am I not surprised by that,” Jane deadpanned with a roll of her eyes. “And to think that Naruto, of all things, is still popular to this day despite that show being old—”

‘...What...’

It can’t be...

This woman was...

And just like that, the overload of information he was unknowingly presented with as well as the astonishing discovery of Jane’s identity and her full name, including those surprisingly long titles that came with it, caused Loki’s brain to short-circuit. 

                                            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dead silence now enveloped the atmosphere as Jane continued to carry both Kagome and the griffin, who strangely thought himself a God—as outrageous as that sounded to her, through the air, weaving in and out of different paths that split into twos the further they went into the cave. 

“I don’t hear the tidal wave anymore,” Kagome said, looking behind her. “Now that we’ve escaped from that disaster, I think we’re pretty safe in here to say the least.”

“Good...” a small hum came from Jane as she said this and turned a corner. ‘Wait a minute...’ there was something gleaming in the distance, something that looked like an opening. ‘Wow! It is one!’ a smile broke out on her face at the sight of a small white hole up ahead, shining as bright as the sun itself. “Because I can see the exit just up ahead,” she told her niece.

Kagome along with the griffin, who shook himself awake, perked up at this news.

“Oh thank Kami!” the young miko closed her eyes and let out a big sigh of relief. “I thought we would be stuck in this cave forever.”

Resisting the urge to say a sarcastic remark, or at least something back, the scientist held her tongue —for now— and sped up, flying toward the exit with every little bit of mana she had left.

                                            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In a small clearing of a spacious green valley with what looks to be a weird hybrid between an extravagant city and a village, that was surrounded by snowy mountains and bright blue lakes, lurking in the far distance, various monsters and other creatures of sorts ran around the area. Some frolicked through the tall grass, hiding behind whatever boulder they could find, as if they were playing a game of hide-and-seek, while others flew through the air in loopy loops.

In the midst of their performance, they zoomed right past a figure sitting Indian style on a wide boulder that not only sat waist deep in the middle of one of the lakes, but it also towered over the majority of the boulders and stonehenges in the area.

And that figure was a blue and black bipedal jackal-like creature with a mask around its face, short spikes on the back of its forepaws and its creamy colored chest, and four black appendages that hung down behind its head.

Currently, it was mediating and focusing on expanding its energy, checking for anything out of the ordinary.

FIIIIIZZZZZZZZZ!

Like right now.

The jackal grunted before its eyes snapped open, revealing ruby red orbs that glowed a bit orange in the light from the evening sunset above.

“What is it Lucario?” five voices, three of them being feminine while the other two were masculine, called out the it from below.

“Hmm?” the jackal said, its voice deep in sound. “What is it?” he looked down and spotted a group of creatures gathered around near the water.

Up front and center was a white and light blue colored fox with a small crest on his forehead, midnight blue eyes, midnight blue rhombus markings on his back, the tip of his tail, and on the tips of his dangles hanging down from the sides of his face.

Next to him, on the right, was a bluish-black weasel-cat with three pink tail feathers, red eyes that were surrounded by black eyelash markings, and yellow oval markings on her chest and forehead while the one on the left was a white and bluish-black sphinx with ruby red eyes, a crescent moon shaped horn on the side of her head, and a scythe-like tail.

And finally, behind the three, were two dragons. The bigger one was wyvern and bat-like with a black and purple body, yellow eyes with blue-green sclerae, large wings that blue-green in the membrane area, and a long sharp tail that curled around her body while the smaller one was western-like with a blue and grey body, black eyes that had a hint of blue in them and was surrounded by red ridges that sat on top of his head, red markings over various parts of his body, and giant red wings that were shaped like fans.

“What did you sense just now?” the weasel-cat asked.

“I think Absol mentioned that she sensed something too just before we all came over here,” the fox added.

Lucario narrowed his eyes and jumped down from the rock, joining the others on land. “Just three non-hostile auras that have arrived here, Sneasel, Glaceon...” he replied then turned his attention to Absol. “What about you?” he asked her.

“What I sensed had nothing to do with the new auras. And I felt it near the cave,” she answered, and out of the corner of her eye, motioned the two dragons behind her. “Noivern and Salamence got a little bored with their game, so they found me and decided to tag along after I told them what’d happened.”

The jackal nodded.

“Okay, that should be the area you guys check out first. Meanwhile, I’ll stay here and keep an eye on things,” he suggested.

“Right!” they all said.

Lucario turned around and jumped back onto the rock while his friends took off.

[colitisandme]

I didn’t understand this concept until after I experienced the burn out. I thought If I conquered my body then I could forget about my mind. I thought I could reprimand it and send it to the naughty step like an unco-operative child, until it fell into line. I thought once I had my body under control by throwing medicines and drugs down my throat, then the brain would obediently follow. It did not, because I was not ‘fixing’ either one. Just covering up a gaping wound with a plaster, is not going to heal anything.

I had Glandular Fever as a teen. It happened whilst I was performing in a play. I was very, very ill. I looked like a ghost during that play and it clung on to me for years. It destroyed my young adult hood. I always thought that it was the play that caused the chaos, unhappiness and upheaval that followed, but now, since trying to become friends with my mind, I realise my poor addled-brain was pretty battered and bruised before I got to this step. Because before my health turned completely on it’s head, I was pretty sad. I was very badly bullied because I didn’t fit in. My imagination, my brain, my desire to learn about everything, my creativity and my sideways thinking did not make friends or influence people. It was not met with hugs, puppies, pockets full of dreams, hi-fives and cake, My unique ‘me-ness’ was met with cruel words, crueler deeds, and there was a select group who would either avoid me like I had the proverbial plague, or they would turn into a lord of the flies esque tribe, deliberately seeking me out for torment and misery. All this ‘anti me ness’ started in Primary School where I thought my weirdness and happy, whimsical, care free, sunny attitude would be celebrated. It was not. It wasn’t even tolerated. School was not a safe place for me. It was not fun.

I got to Secondary school not knowing who the hell I was, let alone who I should be, with expectations from the school that I was going to be the best thing since chocolate cake was invented. They would watch me greedily like a child with their face pressed up against a sweet shop window. I think it’s safe to say I disappointed them. Their ‘hot ticket’ gave them nothing but grief. The bullying of course continued, then after a few years of desperately feeling like I was running on a treadmill but going nowhere, I got glandular fever, which pleased the school immensely. They were overjoyed I had an invisible illness that couldn’t be diagnosed for a year. They were very understanding when I used to shake so hard I used to drop everything and my writing used to look like it had been produced by a vibrating jelly pen. At no point did they make mean comments, and of course they were incredibly helpful when I told them I was being taunted by other children who would seek me out for cruel and unusual punishment, and certainly didn’t put their fingers in their ears going ‘la la la la la la la I’m not listening, I’m not listening’ when I tried to point out that I couldn’t complete written exams because I couldn’t write. Truly they were a joy to deal with. But I have to be honest and say I didn’t help myself. I didn’t want to go to school and felt ill so I stayed home, so I didn’t build up skills to interact with my peers successfully, and so I would become more ill, or use my illness as a way to stay off school so I didn’t have to go in and face the arsehats who made my life hell, which made the bullying worse, and round and round the cycle went. The more infections I got, the more antibiotics I would shovel in, the worse my immune system got, the lower I felt, the more isolated I got, the more I would get ill and not want to go to school. I wonder now if I took care of my internal tumble dryer of emotions, then maybe I wouldn’t have become quite so ill for quite so long and learnt the skills I needed to cease becoming a social piranha.

Because the Glandular fever made my immune system as weak as a newborn kitten, I was very susceptible to viruses, infections and general goo all through my teen, young adult and adult life. Because I had been shovelling in antibiotics like they were gummy bears, certain antibiotics didn’t have an effect, so illness would take longer to leave my body. And because I had been an idiot and avoided human interaction as a young teen, and the majority of interactions I had experienced during my childhood and mid-adult years, had been neither positive or successful (definitely made some rubbish decisions, met some horrible people, and I am no saint,) I felt low, anxious and not very comfortable in my own skin. I have been battling my body and brain for years. They have not been friends. At times it felt like I was in a Gladiatorial arena; One battering the second one with a pudral stick whilst the other one shouted insults, threw around colourful language, kicked up sand in their eyes and tried to bite the first. One followed the other like participants in a horrible conga dance, repetitive and maddening. Usually at my most poorly I have been depressed. And usually when I was depressed or stressed, I used to get really run down. Both my body and mind were screaming at me to listen and to change my behaviours, my thought process and my lifestyle, but they might as well have been speaking German. I couldn’t understand them.

So moving forward to last years burnout where I emotionally and physically imploded. My brain and body had decided unanimously that they were on strike. After screaming at me until they were both hoarse, begging me to change, displaying huge temper tantrums, throwing situations my way to facilitate that change (which I now realised I ignored, sat on and refused to confront), they both decided enough was enough, organised an intervention, powered down, picked up their plaquards and started a deafening chant of ‘we shall not be moved.” They both catorgorically refused to work again until I took my rose tinted glasses off and took a very hard look at myself warts and all. I had always fixed bits of my life whenever feelings bubbled up to the surface, and I I must admit I have had a few “Okay, enough is enough. Things really must change now” conversations with myself. I have undertaken hypnotherapy, I have changed jobs, I have doubled my efforts with positive mindset, I tried to be everything to everyone, I lived by making others happy and failed to make myself happy in the process. My life was exhausting. I couldn’t fix myself so I tried my utmost to help others and when I couldn’t help change lives, I felt out of control. I couldn’t get a grip. It felt like I was wading through jam in high heels. So when I couldn’t reprise any of my ‘go to fallbacks’ when my physical and mental health imploded, it was completely alien. I didn’t know how I was going to function. It was scary. It was overwhelming. I had to step back, strip back my life and pretty much build my life up from the ground up. I realise now that this was my body and mind’s way of saving my life. They knew I was burning through both my body and mind at a staggering rate of knotts and if my mind suddenly went poof, I would have no reserves left to protect my body. They both ‘went to lunch’ at the same time, leaving me no choice but to take my ear muffs off, completely surrender and pay sodding attention. And finally I did.

When I became really ill and IBD took hold of my body, although completely terrified I knew I had to start listening to my body and mind. I meditated, I practiced mindfulness, I looked into Reiki. I started a massage course as it’s something I have always wanted to do. I rested, I surrendered and listened to what my body was telling me. When the system failed me, I spoke to my family, who did incredible research on IBD and leaky gut and sent me wonderful books such as ‘Frazzled’ by Ruby Wax, ‘mindfulness and mental health’ and a book on colitis by Greg Williams. My Mum tore through books and beavered through articles online on IBD and Wellness, sent me a happiness journal to complete, found ‘gut therapy’ soundtracks, ‘hypnotherapy for the gut’ which I would listen to whilst trying to move myself away from the horrendous pain I was experiencing. She also posted me boxes of vitamins and suppliments to support my poorly body. I made appointments with a Homeopath who nourished my soul and built up my body with natural remedies. She helped me see that my body and my mind were screaming out for help and not to ignore it. She helped me untangle the webs of my past in order to focus on the present, and weaken the hold of the traumatic experiences I had experienced throughout different parts of my life, in order to soothe, cuddle nourish and replenish my inner child. She instructed me to be mindful in the joyous moments that I was completely bypassing. She has opened my eyes to new possibilities and happiness just by being me. I am not going to lie. It is brutal, exhausting and incredibly painful going through this journey. Whoever said healing is easy, is a bloody liar.

I didn’t want to take conventional medicines, I wanted to try and make myself happier and as healthy as I could from my roots up. I feared my body would react pretty violently if I gobbled up conventional drugs and although I certainly don’t dispute their uses or the fact they help lots of people struggling with IBD I am wary of them. I didn’t want to go down that route again. I wanted to nourish my soul and my mind naturally. I had to. I had no choice.

After a huge amount of mistakes, stubbornness, frustration and crazy brain behaviours. I finally gave in. It clicked. I completely understand the link between mind and body. One cannot flourish without the other being healthy, and wellness requires both a healthy body and mind to exist harmoniously. I still battle my IBD on a daily basis, and the holistic methods I have chosen, may not suit everyone, and that’s okay. Everyone has their own journey to treat this disease and treat Mental Health illness, and whatever path they choose, will be best for them. I guess my journey means I may not have won the battle with my body quite yet, IBD is really tricky to navigate, and although my mind still performs like a flailing armed drunk at times- highly uncooperative and imbalanced, I know that I am so much further ahead than I was. And so with a little bit of patience, self kindness, self support and self knowledge I hope to encourage my body and mind to set down the whomping stick and just get a long - Well most of the time anyway.

[fountainpenguin]

Ex-“All I Ever Wanted” Prompt

Rough draft for a scrapped Prompt about Remy and Juandissimo golfing with H.P. and Sanderson, following the return of Remy’s magical memories. This was the “All I Ever Wanted” Prompt until a few weeks ago, when I spontaneously decided to write that piece about Poof and Goldie instead.

This was one of the first few Prompts I ever drafted, so letting go is pretty bittersweet. I think it’s adorable, but I just couldn’t get it to cooperate. Enjoy it for what it is.

95. All I Ever Wanted (Takes place shortly after “Remy Rides Again”)

Autumn of the Frozen Planet

Captive audience. That was why the eleven-year-old loved the rolling golf course behind the Fancy Schmancy Country Club so much. It made them pay attention to him, and to very little else. He could talk, and his words were impossible to avoid. At least, when the listener’s hands were both around the handle of the club. The experience was cathartic. Best of all, it was free. Or the second-best thing to free, anyway- it required just a small amount of his time. Those therapeutic golf sessions were regular occurrences. They were his lifeline.

He remembered missing them. After he’d lost his fairy godparent, he’d spent so many days playing the course alone. Babbling to himself in a language he spoke without hesitation but couldn’t remember learning. Checking his cell phone for stock market updates as he waited for an invisible person to take their turn. And then, when the invisible person didn’t, he always felt foolish. Only to do it again at the next hole. The next. The next.

It all flooded back to him when Juandissimo came home. [Remy reflecting on magic memories and what Juan means to him. Remy holds Juan at a distance. He’s appreciative, but not overly sentimental.]

[Remy has been sitting on the country club steps for about fifteen minutes. He has no idea who is coming, only that he feels like someone is supposed to be- it’s that time of the week, after all. He always waits. Juan is with him, being his usual infinitely patient self despite Remy’s bitterness. He tries to find ways to entertain Remy, who scoffs and rolls his eyes. Suddenly, ping!]

As the scattered, vaguely pixelated cloud of magic faded away, Remy sprang to his feet. “And another thing I hate about my parents-!”

“Dear Rembrandt, I only just got here,” the Head Pixie drawled in his patient, stilted Spanish. “Can this wait until at least the third hole?”

Remy flinched inwardly. Sure, his memories of their past golf games were still hazy, but he knew one thing. H.P. called people by the names they introduced themselves as, or the name they signed their paperwork with, or their surnames if he really didn’t like them. He’d never said ‘Rembrandt’ since the first time Juandissimo had let it slip. No one ever, ever called him by his full first name except Turner’s anti-godfather, and they’d only met at dinner club one time.

“Well! I still have a lot to say. If you don’t want to be here, you don’t have to be. But if you’re going to use the Fancy Schmancy Country Club golf course, you either have to be a member, or be invited in by someone who is. You’re not a member. And forging documents with magic is illegal. So, you have to listen to me if you want to play.”

The Head Pixie lifted one eyebrow. The amount of frustrated Spanish he understood was always up to debate, but the words ‘forging’ and ‘illegal’ he obviously recognized. “Yes, I’m aware of that fact. Very well. Play the hole and continue.”

Remy tossed his red ball into the grass and lined it up with the lower end of his club.

[Remy / H.P. discussion goes here. This discussion lasts the length of the golf game, and mostly revolves around Remy’s opinions on money and family. We glimpse that his mom is an author who is usually in her office not to be disturbed, and she smokes. Implied that she smoked during her pregnancy; couldn’t be bothered to stop for Remy’s health. Remy’s dad has never physically abused him, but Remy is unreasonably skittish around him- when their paths cross in the mansion, Remy hurriedly straightens up and brushes himself down, waiting to be acknowledged by his father, but his dad passes with barely a glance- if he even glances at him at all.]

[Remy’s attitude towards his parents at age 9 can best be described as “heartbroken” which transitions into bitter once Juan comes into his life. Only when Juan gives him affection does Remy realize how unfair it is his parents never do, and he begins resenting kids who have happy families.]

[Remy’s parents barely tolerate each other; his dad is sex-repulsed, has no sex drive whatsoever, and no sympathy for his wife’s high sex drive. Remy doesn’t know, but his mom actually had him with his dad’s twin. During Remy’s rant, Juan becomes more and more agitated as Remy describes his parents, especially his mom. Juan seems to have an unreasonable amount of resentment towards Seneca. Most of it stems from the fact that she decided to keep Remy but doesn’t care about him; Seneca had her affair with Oliver in an attempt to make Bennett jealous, and those two are twins so she tried to believe she was having Remy with her husband.]

[Juan is personally offended that Seneca takes her ability to bear children lightly, as he cannot have kids (pre-Poof). His own dad was sterile until genie magic gave him the ability to have Juan; Juan technically doesn’t have a mother since he was created out of genie magic and never knew her, and family is important to him. He doesn’t begrudge Bennett for Remy’s misery as much as Seneca, since Bennett technically played no part in Remy’s existence. Juan knows Remy’s true parents, though Remy will go his entire life without finding out. No point in telling him his biological dad is a jerk too.]

[Juan’s dream is to marry / have kids. I see Juan as this huge flirt who’s super charming, honest, sweet, and caring. He’s that sexy guy everyone thinks is into flings, but he subverts the trope by wanting commitment; he’d never kiss someone he doesn’t see himself having a future with. His dream contrasts Remy’s dream to never marry. Juan’s “mom” genie is probably Crimsona’s ancestor, meaning both sides of Gary’s family have connection to the name. 

NOTE: Juan’s obsession with Wanda comes from his clingy personality, NOT because his subspecies is lifelong monogamous. He can’t move on because HE is choosing not to. Biology has nothing to do with it and should never be viewed as a possible excuse for his behavior. He’s just a clingy person.]

[As the golf game goes on, Juan and Sanderson are constantly circling each other, silently defending their respective charges. Remy isn’t aware, but Juan is fighting the influence of pheromones and Sanderson is getting his kicks out of deliberately “teasing” him. Sanderson is the alpha and Juan is gritting his teeth trying not to be lured from Remy’s side to H.P.’s.]

[Basically stuff goes on in background while Remy and H.P. talk. Remy gets increasingly frustrated as he rants about the general unfairness of his life.]

“Remy, I can’t understand you when you speak that fast.”

“My parents hate me,” Remy muttered back, slipping into English again.

“They don’t hate you. Probably. They might. It’s showing emotions that they hate.”

“What do you know about love?” he snapped.

“Very little,” H.P. admitted breezily. “Pixies are incapable of it.”

“[Spanish]”

The Head Pixie turned his head towards Juandissimo. “I didn’t catch that last part.”

“He said he wishes to live without marriage as he cannot trust humans,” the fairy translated.

“Good.”

[Remy continues to rant through the next hole until H.P. interrupts him.]

“Are you sure about that?”

The Head Pixie rarely expressed any interest in Remy’s ranting. So that little comment actually made him turn around.

[Convo transitions to H.P. pointing out that Remy seems attached to Juan, so clearly Remy does have a caring parental figure. Juan glows with praise, until H.P. muses aloud that Juan might be faking affection in order to keep his godparenting job.]

[Juan is miffed by this comment since he literally kicked butt in Fairy Court for Remy, but he’s so flustered he can hardly speak. Sanderson quietly moves between Juan and H.P., and pheromones shut Juan down from furious to moping, though that’s glossed over since we’re in Remy’s POV. Remy probably doesn’t know Juan’s past yet b/c we’re pre-murder mystery story. Juan unhappily lets the issue drop, and Remy pushes convo forward.]

“Wait,” Remy said. “You mean… You knew? That Juandissimo broke the rules to get my memory back?”

The Head Pixie swung his club. The ball bounced off a rock, the fountain, and shattered a window. Sanderson lifted his phone and pinged the ball back to the course. “Another hole in one, sir.”

“It’s my job to know who breaks the rules,” he said finally.

“Isn’t it against the rules for your lackey to cheat the game for you?”

The two pixies exchanged sideways glances. H.P. tugged at his tie. “Not in a casual game when the score doesn’t matter.”

“I thought this was how you played,” Sanderson said, still in monotone. Remy squinted, unable to decide if the statement was actually a question and pixies couldn’t tilt their voices up that way at the end, or if Sanderson was being completely serious.

[More convo? Golf in silence?]

The ball stopped a solid two feet from the tunnel. Sanderson lifted his phone, but H.P. made a motion for him not to mess with it. He’d play it where it lay, evidently. Remy’s swipe landed nearby. As the Head Pixie trailed down to putt the ball through the tunnel, Remy looked up at the pixie who lingered behind. “Do you understand what that’s like, Sanderson? To have parents who wouldn’t notice if you went off and died somewhere in the backyard?”

Sanderson tilted his head. “No. I don’t.”

“I would notice if you did that,” Juandissimo put in, poking his head out from behind Sanderson’s wings.

“Then I am not talking about you.”

[Golf game wraps up. Juan’s nerves are wound tight by this point.]

The Head Pixie pinged away his club and ball and held out his hand for a shake. “That was a very good game, Remy. I’d wondered if your skills would slip during that time when our sessions were postponed, but I can see you’re still improving tremendously.”

“Thanks. What do you think I should do?”

“Keep your back straight, bend lower, and keep your legs spread apart.”

“I meant about the situation with my parents,” Remy said, irritated but not surprised that he had to bring the topic back up.

The Head Pixie blinked. “I have no idea. That’s not my problem.”

[weerd1]

Star Trek DS9 Rewatch Log, Stardate 1909.02: Missions Reviewed, “Ferengi Love Songs,” “Soldiers of the Empire,” and “Children of Time.”

Quark’s bar is overrun with voles as “Ferengi Love Songs” opens, and Rom tries to cheer him up by announcing his engagement to Leeta.  That of course fails miserably, so Rom suggests Quark go visit Moogie on Ferengenar.  Quark goes there to find the Grand Nagus hiding in his closet, where the head of the Ferengi financial empire is having a secret love affair with Quark’s mom Ihska! 

Quark immediately begins to propose that Zek reinstate his Ferengi Business License, but Zek refuses. He sees another opportunity though when Brunt, FCA, beams into his closet to offer the license back in exchange for Quark breaking up Zek and Moogie so the Nagus doesn’t get caught in a scandal.  Meanwhile, Rom, thinking he’s not being Ferengi enough creates a prenup for Leeta that prevents her from ever owning property or making profit. This of course ends the engagement. When he laments to O’Brien, O’Brien ask him what Leeta’s worth. Rom donates all of his latinum to Bajoran war orphans, so when Leeta marries him he will know it is for love. On Ferenginar, Zek, grateful to Quark for letting him know about “rumors” that Ishka was making profit, appoints him as first clerk. Quark realizes that Zek is having memory problems, and Ishka has actually been the brains behind the great Ferenginar expansions of the last couple of fiscal years. When the Ferengi market tanks, the FCA wants to bring Zek in for questioning, and Quark realizes Brunt set all of this up so he could seize the position of Nagus. When the inquiry comes, Zek aces it, and the FCA has to back off. Zek thanks Quark, who tells him all the advice actually came from Ishka, and that they should really be together. 

With the couple reunited, Brunt decides to let Quark keep his business license, just so Brunt can watch him like a hawk. Ishka gives Quark back his favorite toys as a kid, “Marauder Mo” action figures, that would have been worth more left in the original packaging.

Quark’s ever cascading financial difficulties come to a head in this episode, but he manages to pull it all together.  The romance is pretty funny, as is the internal workings of Ferengi society. We see Cecily Adams step into the role of Ishka here since Andrea Martin who played her earlier couldn’t continue to wear the extensive prosthetics. Wallace Shawn is always great as Zek, and Jeffrey Combs really needs his own Star Trek series where he just plays every role. Also- bonus picture of Quark with his Marauder Mo figures, sporting the energy whips the Ferengi had on TNG when they were really meant to be the villains.

“Soldiers of the Empire” has Martok take command of the Rotarran, a Bird of Prey with a bad history and broken crew who need to find a missing Klingon cruiser along the Cardassian border. He asks Worf to be his First Officer, and Jadzia signs on as science officer. Morale on the ship is bad, and as they conduct their mission, Worf begins to suspect that Martok may be a little gunshy after his time in Jem’Hadar custody.

 The crew is volatile, some defeatist, some ready to try to overthrow Martok the old fashioned way, some simply apathetic, their fire gone.  When Martok orders them NOT to fire on a lone Jem’Hadar over whom they could have an easy victory, things get worse; when they find the other Klingon ship, but Martok won’t cross the border to rescue survivors, it comes to a head. Worf orders the Rotarran ahead anyway and challenges Martok to combat. As they fight, Worf gets the advantage, but suddenly the tide shifts, and Martok sinks a knife into his gut. 

The crew now behind him, his warrior spirit ignited, Martok leads them to rescue the other Klingons and fight some Jem’Hadar. Back on DS9 Martok confronts Worf, telling him he realizes exactly what he did; unified the crew and re-energized Martok by losing. “But how did you know I wouldn’t kill you?” Martok asks.  Worf replies that he didn’t.  Martok in gratitude adopts Worf into the House of Martok.

All Klingons, all the time! This episode really does play out as if the show were just about the Rotarran, and it gives us a good chance to see the Klingons up close, and not just as the monolith warrior culture, but as having personalities, and differences, and there being diversity among them; there are red-head and blonde Klingons in this episode! I definitely see a few things they do here that will later inform how the Klingons are portrayed on “Discovery.” They finally show us some uniform variants here, and we get to see some of what passes for nautical custom in the Klingon fleet when Worf requests the ship’s “battle log.” Worf becoming part of Martok’s house is going to have ramifications later.  I have heard people complain that Jadzia is too good at being Klingon sometimes, but when you take into account that Terry Farrell is six feet tall, I can buy her handling herself here.

“Children of Time” has the Defiant returning from a mission in the Gamma Quadrant when Dax surveys a planet with a strange energy barrier around it. Though everyone is tired, she convinces them to go investigate. When they enter the barrier, they get some damage, it will take a couple days to fix, and Kira gets a zap from her console. They find a mostly human settlement of 8000 people on the surface, which hails them, and seems to know who they are. Beaming down, they find a Yedrin Dax and a Miranda O’Brien. Scanning, Jadzia finds that Yedrin is carrying the Dax symbiont…and it is 200 years older. 

The colonists tell them that in two days the Defiant will try to leave the planet, and instead crash after being thrown back in time by the energy barrier. These are their descendants.  Further complicating the issue is that the zap Kira received has created a condition which will kill her if she doesn’t receive treatment in a full hospital. But if the Defiant does go back, 8000 people, and their preceding generations cease to exist.  Still alive is Odo, who comes to visit Kira, and tells her that he loves her, and has always loved her. Yedrin meanwhile has a plan to allow the same effect that “doubled” all of Kira’s quantum particles to allow one version of the Defiant to escape, and another to complete its destiny a go back in time to preserve the colony. Jadzia soon realizes it is a sham. The crew debates whether they can leave, saving Kira but allowing the rest to poof out of existence, or stay. As the day arrives they decide to help the people plant their crops, despite the fact it will all be gone when Defiant leaves. Worf works with the local “Klingons” who are his descendants both physically and philosophically- anyone can decide to take on the warrior life and hunt as the Klingons out on the plains.

 Older Odo spends more time with Kira (“modern” Odo can’t hold form under the energy field, but old Odo has had centuries to practice), and she realizes she cannot allow her life to supersede 8000 others. O’Brien, who initially just wanted to back to his family, now sees that they can’t let these people die- worse, never to have existed at all. The Defiant crew decides to go ahead with the course that will make them crash. Yedrin gives them a preprogrammed course, and they follow it. The anomaly that will throw them back looms ahead, and then the Defiant swerves around it. As they leave the energy field, a scan back to the planet shows there has never been a colony there. Initially, they believe Yedrin Dax gave them a false course, choosing not to sacrifice their futures for the colony, but Odo, now back, reveals that the colony’s Odo linked with him, and he was the one who changed the course because he refused to let Kira die, and hoped there might be some chance that Odo could find happiness with her.

A really great episode, that sells the descendants of our crew exceptionally well, particularly all the O’Briens and the Klingon “tribe.” A really fascinating way as well to bring Odo’s love for Kira to the light, and not to avoid the tragic ending.  There may be some inconsistency with Trek time travel here, as the creation of alternate realities is the norm when things are changed, but the tragedy of this group of people simply winking out of existence works effectively here.  The romantic in my can accept the quantum “Parallels” and “Trek 2009” version that says there’s a timeline where the Children of Time still exist, but their disappearance still hits pretty hard. This is the “Trolley Problem” presented to us as only Science Fiction can, and it works with terrific—and sorrowful—effect. 

  NEXT VOYAGE: The final fate of the Maquis is settled in a “Blaze of Glory.”

[idontdateblack]

Boys Will be Boys is a Bunch of Bullshit and Everyone Knows It.

Growing up I had never understood a young boys fascination with ass grabbing and breast touching. I had never understood why teachers, parents, and the rest of my peers would turn a blind eye to when a boy would sexually harass a young girl. Often I’d hear “boys will be boys” or “they’re just playing around, don’t pay them any mind” or “ignore them”. In school us girls were taught to not wear spaghetti strap tank tops and to wear our skirts and shorts right above the knee, as we shouldn’t be a distraction. Though the schools never said who we’d be distracting, it was obvious of course: boys. At a young age society had began to teach me, a young Black girl, that my whole existence was a fucking distraction, and that any unwanted attention would just ‘poof’ disappear if I ignored it. It had been embedded in me at an early age that women were supposed to accept being touched and fondled without permission, because this is what boys just do and if they DO commit those acts, then we were asking for it.

The concept of “boys will be boys” never did die out, it never left. Instead “boys will be boys” just grew up and turned into “men will be men…. that still act like little dick boys”. In my college years and younger twenties I still experienced being at a party or club, minding my business or simply trying to make my way through a crowd, all while feeling someone’s ashy handed son grabbing on my ass. Clearly, boys were no longer boys. These were now grown ass men that were still carrying this ideology that it is okay to place their unwanted hands on my body and that I would let them get a pass. Wrong! I left a few hand prints and dick kicks as a memory that I am not to be fucked with. The same “boys” that felt it was their GOD given right as a man to find his fingers in the cracks and crevices of my ass without my permission,  are the same “boys” that get upset went you condemn them and rectify their behavior. These same “boys” them begin to ask you what’s your problem and cause a scene, often playing victim to a situation that they themselves have created.

Many of these males who fit the “boys will be boys” prototype, have evolved into the “men will be men” that are often seen on social media and the internet passing themselves off as motivational speakers. However, none of these men really seem to be saying anything that motivates you as a woman. They seem to ONLY address the faults of  women and place them at blame for the actions of men. Recently, I read an article on www.theroot.com titled, “Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship Experts”, which exposes celebrities such as Reverend Run, Steven Harvey, and Tyrese who all have blatant sexist/misogynistic view points when it comes to failed relationships and why men behave the way that they do. Their point of views always seem to place women at fault for the mistakes of men, all the while justifying a man’s action, even if it is degrading to a woman.

On the now cancelled show (thank GOD), “It’s not you, it’s men”, Amber Rose faced off with Tyrese Gibson and Rev. Run regarding how women dress versus how women should be addressed. Needless to say the boys came out to play and Amber Rose shut it down with a quickness. Tyrese went on to justify a man’s unwanted approach by saying this, “If you see a basketball player, and he’s known as a basketball player, when you see him, you’ll be like, 'Yo, let’s go play ball.’ I’m just saying, the comfortability that some people find in wanting to touch or grope you. It’s an energy that’s being sent out there that creates that type of response.” First of all, comparing a woman’s existence to a profession are two complete different things. Having knowledge that someone is an athlete would generally compel you to engage in athletic combat and dialogue, which is still not the same as making unwanted sexual advances at someone and making them uncomfortable. Seeing a woman simply existing, meaning you don’t know anything about her likes or dislikes, does not compel you to grope her, you do. Rev. Run followed up with the statement “Dress how you would want to be addressed”. So let me get this straight. You, my fellow Black man, are constantly being scrutinized for your athletic gear, your fitted hats, baggy jeans, and dread locks. You fell alienated when a White man in a business suit is greeted first in a public place. You can’t help but notice when you are being over looked, ignored, or followed in an establishment simply because you don’t look the part. You grieve the deaths of many African American males  who fell victim to racial profiling because they were wearing a hoodie and a beanie, but not once do you blame the (Black) man for the unwanted and unfair attention due to his attire or his “energy”. Instead, you blame society for marginalizing how (Black) men in America should be treated based on their attire, dialect, physical appearance, and for most importantly existing.

How dare you turn the other cheek when our (Black) women are being marginalized AND sexually abused/harassed for existing just like you? How dare you not defend us when we put our hearts on the line and will go to war for you? What I find even more baffling is that Tyrese is a model, singer, actor, and….. a sex symbol. Why is it that society is accepting of the sexualization of men, but not women? Why are women shamed for displaying their physical attributes, meanwhile men are applauded and awarded for posing topless and in briefs which exposes the size of their penises? You mean to tell me that if I were to see a man, half naked, in nothing but briefs, that I couldn’t just stick my hands in his pants and grab onto his manhood? That’s exactly what is happening to women across the globe.

What bothers me the most is how men/society refuses to hold other men accountable for their actions against women It is time for our judicial system, schools, and neighborhoods to stop letting boys slide through life without ever making them suffer the consequences of their wrong doings. Mother’s need to stop coddling their sons to the point that they are raising them to be just like the “ain’t shit” man that she despises. Father’s need to spend just as much time teaching their sons about consent, protection, and abstinence, just as much as they preach to their daughters about remaining a virgin. Often I hear ignorant men say, “If I have a daughter, she can’t do anything. I’m not letting her date”, followed by more misogynistic banter. I find something very wrong with this ideology. This plants the idea into young girls minds that any sexual advances made at them, whether wanted or not, if their fault. Meanwhile, young boys are being taught how to be a player and have multiple girlfriends and how to lose their virginity. Not that I condone children engaging in sexual conduct, but why do we teach young girls that sex and sexuality is bad, while we teach young boys to engage in early sexual conduct and that it is okay for them. We teach our young boys to take pride and have confidence in their bodies, while we tell our young girls to “cover up”.

I am not here for it. I refuse to raise my daughter with the mindset that her pure existence as a woman gives men the right to disrespect her verbally and physically. I refuses to raise my son with the mindset of sexual entitlement, that a woman owes his sex and her body just because they are in the same proximity as one another. I am not here for the woman bashing and especially against Black women. We are the most unprotected race of women on this here Earth.

OWN IT If everyone is responsible for their own lives, happiness, actions, etc., then men so are you. Own it. YOU are responsible for your actions. No one can force you to rape, abuse, and harass a woman except yourself. Take responsibility for both the good and bad that you do.

NO MEANS NO Nothing pisses me off more than a grown ass man practically begging for sex. Telling me “we’re both grown” as if that will make me want to drop my panties even more. Respect the fact that I know that I am grown enough to make my own decisions concerning sex. Constantly gripping at my clothes, whining, and pulling me closer to you will not change my mind. If anything it makes you seem more annoying and now I’m less willing to have sex with you.

I DON’T OWE YOU My body is my body, not yours. I do not owe you sex, just like you don’t owe me your paycheck. Many men, whether conscious or not about it, feel as if they are entitled to sex from women. I do not care if you took me on 20 dates, if I don’t want to have sex with you, I don’t have to. You can simply stop entertaining me and leave it there.

DRESS HOW YOU WANT TO BE ADDRESSED IS BULLSHIT You cannot apply this way of thinking solely to women and expect it to not be applied to the rest of the world, because it doesn’t make sense. If we applied this ideology to our every day lives, most of us would feel rejected and scrutinized. My attire does not give any man the right to touch me without my permission. A woman’s hijab doesn’t give you the right the assume she’s a terrorist. A White man in a business suit doesn’t give you the right to assume he’s wealthy. A Black man in athletic gear doesn’t give you the right to assume he’s uneducated. You get the point.

#boys boyswillbeboys feminism blacklivesmatter relationships sex couples advice amberrose stevenharvey tyresegibson revrun

[pettyicequeencee-blog]

Boys Will be Boys is a Bunch of Bullshit and Everyone Knows It.

Growing up I had never understood a young boys fascination with ass grabbing and breast touching. I had never understood why teachers, parents, and the rest of my peers would turn a blind eye to when a boy would sexually harass a young girl. Often I'd hear "boys will be boys" or "they're just playing around, don't pay them any mind" or "ignore them". In school us girls were taught to not wear spaghetti strap tank tops and to wear our skirts and shorts right above the knee, as we shouldn't be a distraction. Though the schools never said who we'd be distracting, it was obvious of course: boys. At a young age society had began to teach me, a young Black girl, that my whole existence was a fucking distraction, and that any unwanted attention would just 'poof' disappear if I ignored it. It had been embedded in me at an early age that women were supposed to accept being touched and fondled without permission, because this is what boys just do and if they DO commit those acts, then we were asking for it.

The concept of "boys will be boys" never did die out, it never left. Instead "boys will be boys" just grew up and turned into "men will be men.... that still act like little dick boys". In my college years and younger twenties I still experienced being at a party or club, minding my business or simply trying to make my way through a crowd, all while feeling someone's ashy handed son grabbing on my ass. Clearly, boys were no longer boys. These were now grown ass men that were still carrying this ideology that it is okay to place their unwanted hands on my body and that I would let them get a pass. Wrong! I left a few hand prints and dick kicks as a memory that I am not to be fucked with. The same "boys" that felt it was their GOD given right as a man to find his fingers in the cracks and crevices of my ass without my permission,  are the same "boys" that get upset went you condemn them and rectify their behavior. These same "boys" them begin to ask you what's your problem and cause a scene, often playing victim to a situation that they themselves have created.

Many of these males who fit the "boys will be boys" prototype, have evolved into the "men will be men" that are often seen on social media and the internet passing themselves off as motivational speakers. However, none of these men really seem to be saying anything that motivates you as a woman. They seem to ONLY address the faults of  women and place them at blame for the actions of men. Recently, I read an article on www.theroot.com titled, "Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship Experts", which exposes celebrities such as Reverend Run, Steven Harvey, and Tyrese who all have blatant sexist/misogynistic view points when it comes to failed relationships and why men behave the way that they do. Their point of views always seem to place women at fault for the mistakes of men, all the while justifying a man's action, even if it is degrading to a woman.

On the now cancelled show (thank GOD), "It's not you, it's men", Amber Rose faced off with Tyrese Gibson and Rev. Run regarding how women dress versus how women should be addressed. Needless to say the boys came out to play and Amber Rose shut it down with a quickness. Tyrese went on to justify a man's unwanted approach by saying this, "If you see a basketball player, and he's known as a basketball player, when you see him, you'll be like, 'Yo, let's go play ball.' I'm just saying, the comfortability that some people find in wanting to touch or grope you. It's an energy that's being sent out there that creates that type of response." First of all, comparing a woman's existence to a profession are two complete different things. Having knowledge that someone is an athlete would generally compel you to engage in athletic combat and dialogue, which is still not the same as making unwanted sexual advances at someone and making them uncomfortable. Seeing a woman simply existing, meaning you don't know anything about her likes or dislikes, does not compel you to grope her, you do. Rev. Run followed up with the statement "Dress how you would want to be addressed". So let me get this straight. You, my fellow Black man, are constantly being scrutinized for your athletic gear, your fitted hats, baggy jeans, and dread locks. You fell alienated when a White man in a business suit is greeted first in a public place. You can't help but notice when you are being over looked, ignored, or followed in an establishment simply because you don't look the part. You grieve the deaths of many African American males  who fell victim to racial profiling because they were wearing a hoodie and a beanie, but not once do you blame the (Black) man for the unwanted and unfair attention due to his attire or his "energy". Instead, you blame society for marginalizing how (Black) men in America should be treated based on their attire, dialect, physical appearance, and for most importantly existing.

How dare you turn the other cheek when our (Black) women are being marginalized AND sexually abused/harassed for existing just like you? How dare you not defend us when we put our hearts on the line and will go to war for you? What I find even more baffling is that Tyrese is a model, singer, actor, and..... a sex symbol. Why is it that society is accepting of the sexualization of men, but not women? Why are women shamed for displaying their physical attributes, meanwhile men are applauded and awarded for posing topless and in briefs which exposes the size of their penises? You mean to tell me that if I were to see a man, half naked, in nothing but briefs, that I couldn't just stick my hands in his pants and grab onto his manhood? That's exactly what is happening to women across the globe.

What bothers me the most is how men/society refuses to hold other men accountable for their actions against women It is time for our judicial system, schools, and neighborhoods to stop letting boys slide through life without ever making them suffer the consequences of their wrong doings. Mother's need to stop coddling their sons to the point that they are raising them to be just like the "ain't shit" man that she despises. Father's need to spend just as much time teaching their sons about consent, protection, and abstinence, just as much as they preach to their daughters about remaining a virgin. Often I hear ignorant men say, "If I have a daughter, she can't do anything. I'm not letting her date", followed by more misogynistic banter. I find something very wrong with this ideology. This plants the idea into young girls minds that any sexual advances made at them, whether wanted or not, if their fault. Meanwhile, young boys are being taught how to be a player and have multiple girlfriends and how to lose their virginity. Not that I condone children engaging in sexual conduct, but why do we teach young girls that sex and sexuality is bad, while we teach young boys to engage in early sexual conduct and that it is okay for them. We teach our young boys to take pride and have confidence in their bodies, while we tell our young girls to "cover up".

I am not here for it. I refuse to raise my daughter with the mindset that her pure existence as a woman gives men the right to disrespect her verbally and physically. I refuses to raise my son with the mindset of sexual entitlement, that a woman owes his sex and her body just because they are in the same proximity as one another. I am not here for the woman bashing and especially against Black women. We are the most unprotected race of women on this here Earth.

OWN IT If everyone is responsible for their own lives, happiness, actions, etc., then men so are you. Own it. YOU are responsible for your actions. No one can force you to rape, abuse, and harass a woman except yourself. Take responsibility for both the good and bad that you do.

NO MEANS NO Nothing pisses me off more than a grown ass man practically begging for sex. Telling me "we're both grown" as if that will make me want to drop my panties even more. Respect the fact that I know that I am grown enough to make my own decisions concerning sex. Constantly gripping at my clothes, whining, and pulling me closer to you will not change my mind. If anything it makes you seem more annoying and now I'm less willing to have sex with you.

I DON'T OWE YOU My body is my body, not yours. I do not owe you sex, just like you don't owe me your paycheck. Many men, whether conscious or not about it, feel as if they are entitled to sex from women. I do not care if you took me on 20 dates, if I don't want to have sex with you, I don't have to. You can simply stop entertaining me and leave it there.

DRESS HOW YOU WANT TO BE ADDRESSED IS BULLSHIT You cannot apply this way of thinking solely to women and expect it to not be applied to the rest of the world, because it doesn't make sense. If we applied this ideology to our every day lives, most of us would feel rejected and scrutinized. My attire does not give any man the right to touch me without my permission. A woman's hijab doesn't give you the right the assume she's a terrorist. A White man in a business suit doesn't give you the right to assume he's wealthy. A Black man in athletic gear doesn't give you the right to assume he's uneducated. You get the point.