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carmenized-onions · 4 months

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Doing Too Much. | House Call

logline; Appliances can reach their breaking point, when you push them too far. Same goes for people.

[!!!] series history, this is the sixth; First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth

[New Thing!!] Spotify Playlist, if you like to listen while you read. I listen to it when I write :) Constantly gettin' added to.

portion; 4.8k

possible allergies; eatin' meat, besides that, we're pretty good actually. did somebody say calm before the storm....?

pairing; Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto & Fem Reader (no pronouns, but girl is said a couple times, i believe.)

After this chapter, I'm entering my era of couch hopping as I move to a new city n start a new job. I'm really excited for the chapter after this one, so hopefully I actually get time to write it-- But that's just my lil warning if you're left rereading for like two weeks </3 But I'll def be stalking my activity/inbox so please do yap to me

Monday morning. The next morning after everything. Well, closer to noon than morning, at this point. You’re supposed to have, what, a work ethic this week? After the most insane weekend of your life? No. You’re lazing around and doing fuck all. No matter who calls. Well… Not completely no matter, but like, most people.

When you check your phone, you’ve gotten a text at 6:43 A.M. Unknown number. Ah. Carmen. You put him in as Carmy, and put his nickname as ‘Mister New York’. Listen, old nicknames Mikey ingrained in your brain die hard.

It’s a simple text, deeply un-romantic.

‘Connections Puzzle #342’

Then, four lines of four perfect categories. Flawless. Purple first, even. The hardest category. And then,

‘Morning’

Stupid. Incredibly stupid, to be enamoured, by this. You reply,

‘Good morning!’

‘Connections Puzzle #342’

And then a failed jumble of coloured squares, you get one out of four categories. What the fuck is 'dogleg' and since when has it meant taking a sharp turn? You follow that up with,

‘Fuck you.’

Aside from Carmen, you’ve actually gotten texts from a couple people. Your boss at Eden’s asking if you’re alright. What the fuck did Cicero say? Oh well. You tell him you’ve ‘been better, been worse. Will be okay by next week.’ Perfectly vague, and you still get wired your cheque and tip out. Alright, maybe Uncle J does deserve your free labour.

Speaking of, the next text on your itinerary is from Uncle J, just info for the winter nuptials of Vinnie and Mira. Oh yeah. Three-hundred guests, you remember that part. You also remember him saying it’d be an ‘easy gig’… He did not mention you’d be the only bartender. This is going to be a nightmare. Oh well. You text back that despite it being an open bar you get to put out a tip jar. He just reacts to it, ‘haha’. That sounds like a yes to you.

And then, adorably, a selfie from Syd, wearing the collar and pins you’ve gifted her, under a green sweater. Cutie. You hype her up accordingly.

Besides some texting though, Monday is relatively unbusy. No calls. No emergencies. No businesses knocking down your door for your services. You’re thankful for a break, letting the inertia set in, finally being able to relax after fix after fix after—

Tuesday comes, you get sent another perfect round of New York Time’s Connections around half past six in the morning, along with a good morning text. And again, you fuck it up. You send him your Wordle results this time, as an act of rebellion. You then ask,

‘How’s reworking the menu going?’

‘Hard to say’

‘Ask me tomorrow’

God he’s an awful texter. Horrifically dry. You know you’re down bad beyond a belief when you find that endearing. You spend Tuesday drowning and pruning your plants after depriving them for so long.

Plus working on your art piece for Carmy. You’re pulling out old film photos, a canvas, and a load of bleach—It’s like high school art class all over again— Surprise surprise, the handyman who loves to up-cycle is a mixed media artist. Who could’ve guessed?

While trimming a photo, an exterior of The Beef, a picture frame on your wall falls down behind you, you tut, turning your head to it, chastising the air. “Mikey! It’s a copy, relax! I’ve still got the original print…”

There’s every chance you’re insane— No, you’re definitely insane. But you’re allowed to be, your best friend died, you’re allowed to talk to the air as if he’s still around. Sometimes the timing of doors swinging open for you and things falling down are just too uncanny to not be a ghost.

Wednesday arrives, and again, just after 6:40, Connections results. And the Wordle, this time; plus a ‘Good Morning’. It looks like this is simply just your thing, now. Every morning, the second both of you get up, you send each other puzzles and wish a good morning. You don’t mind that. It’s nice to have a ‘thing’, with someone. With Carmen.

Part way through the day, around two o’clock, you get another text. Two, actually. From Carmen, in quick succession.

‘Are you busy?’

‘Don’t worry if you’re busy. Can call Fak’

You’re quick to reply, frankly deeply offended.

‘Are you fucking firing me????’

‘I’m gonna get ready. Text me details’

While getting dressed, you watch three dots bubble, bubble, bubble… He’s taking forever, just don’t look at it, you’ll get anxious for no reason. No jumpsuit today, you’ve got to switch it up every now and again. Navy cargo pants with the perfect number of pockets and zippers, and an orange Chicago’s Kindest shirt, tucked in. Hm. Looking in the mirror, hickey is still there. Lighter, but there. Foundation? No. You’ll sweat it off and that’ll just bring up more questions. If Syd asks you’ll just tell her you fell down the stairs… On your neck. She's not the type to confront anything remotely sexual anyways.

Speaking of Syd, before Carmen can text you back, she calls you, which is fair— Don’t leave a Carmen to communicate. You stick your phone in the crux of your neck and answer while you pack your utility belt. This feels nearly nostalgic. “What’s fucked?”

Carmen is in the background; you can hear the tail end of a sentence, grumbling. “—Don’t call—”

“My life.” She responds without missing a beat. “And also, Carmy’s stove and oven.”

“Oh.” You squint. “What the fuck happened?”

“Overuse? I actually don’t fucking know, it just stopped working. We plugged it in and out— He even reset his apartment’s breakers. I dunno what’s wrong with it. It’s probably got something to do with him putting his fuckin’ jeans in there.”

“…He what?”

You can hear him in the background, again, clearer this time, grimacing, “What are you doing to me?”

Syd does not mind him at all, continuing, “I know! He’s fucking weird!”

“He’s extremely weird.” You like him a lot. “I’ll be over soon, were you guys like, mid-cooking?”

“Yessir.”

“Christ, alright… I think I have a dual burner hot plate laying around somewhere, you want me to bring it—”

They both speak clearly this time, together, “Please.”

You’ve got a pile of things to give to them anyways, and maybe you miss Carmy’s face. Just a little.

Instead of just buzzing you in, Carmy comes down for you. When he sees you through the door window, carrying a cardboard box, he almost breaks into a full run. He’s somehow opening the door, grabbing the box from your hands, and chastising you all at the same time. “You should’ve left it in the car, I would’ve—”

You step in through the entryway and kiss his cheek, cutting him short. You can’t help yourself, it’s the first time you’ve seen him since and you feel like a giddy teen. The teenage girl in your head is no longer just in your head, she’s fully manning the station. “You’re very sweet. But it’s also not heavy.”

When he continues to be frozen, the regret starts to mount, “Is—Sorry, is that okay to do—?”

“It’s very okay to do.” He manages to reply, with haste. Nodding to himself. “It’s good.” He nods again, then marches off, expecting you to follow to the elevator. You do.

“What floor?”

“Eighth.” He sniffs; you press the button. He stands next to you, looking you up and down. He astutely observes. “Orange.”

“Yeah.” You smirk, looking back at him, “Turns out, businesses can have two colours in their designs.”

What’s a little roasting of fellow small businesses between two not just friends?

“Oh yeah?” Coy, smirking. Oh no. You’ve gotta get the teen off the controls. He tilts his vision to stare at your jacket. Ah. You opted to wear your Carhartt instead of his jean jacket.

“Didn’t wanna give Syd more questions.” She already guessed you’re a sugar baby, you don’t want to wrap Carmen in on that too. Especially since ideally in a month or two he’ll be your boss. Hm. The Bear is going to need an HR.

He hums, nodding. “We’re not telling Syd?”

“What’s there to tell?” You grin, crossing your arms. “You suddenly have free time, Bear?”

He takes a beat, thinking, then just takes a deep frustrated yet amused exhale. “I’m gonna fuckin’…” He can’t think of a threat. “…Get you.”

You snort, “You’re gonna get me?”

“Fuck you—!” “You’re gonna fuckin’ get me, Bear?”

“I—” He tries to hold a straight face, it doesn’t work. “Yeah, I am.”

“Can’t wait.” You nod, grinning, turning back to the doors. “You told me to ask how menu’s going tomorrow.”

“I did.”

“It’s tomorrow.” The door dings, opening on the eighth floor; you step out together. He switches his grip to hold the box in one arm. Alright Biceps, we don’t need to brag here...

“It’s… We’re getting there.” He grimaces. “Syd’s recipes are always… Almost perfect.”

“Ah.” You nod, you know your friend well enough to know where this is going. “And she fucks up one thing hard?”

“Mhm.”

“And when you tell her it’s okay and give her a hand she just feels worse?”

He nods. A touch surprised you’re right on the dot so quickly. “Everything ends up perfect, but I think she’s finding the edits…”

“Demoralizing.” You walk down the hall together, he nods. “I know what she needs, I’ll find an in.”

“You always do.” He hums, you walk just a touch ahead of him, unknowingly walking past his door. He pulls you back by the back of your jacket, making you stumble back into him. This seems to be this villain’s intention; as when you turn around, he’s quick to grab your chin and kiss you.

“It’s very good.” He emphasizes, again, before opening his door and acting like everything’s totally normal and fine. Since when did he turn the tables and make you the desperate one? Son of a bitch.

Ah. Actually, subtract any attraction you had in this moment— He lives like this? Books on the floor, by the window. Jeans on the dinner table, because they were in the oven. The kitchen actually looks alright— You’re almost certain that’s purely for utilitarian purposes while they’re working on the menu. This motherfucker better have a bed frame or him asking you to sleep over would be downright offensive. God, he’s wonderful. God, you’re an idiot.

You find Syd at the table, moping, head in hands. Carmen sets the box down, sitting beside her. You pat the top of her head. She silently moves one of her hands to go over yours. You nod. The silent exchange of girls who know.

“Yeah?”

She nods, grumbling. “Yeah.”

Carmen has no fucking idea what’s happening and he’s never been more intrigued by a near wordless social interaction in his entire life. What? You’re not even making eye-contact. What the fuck is happening?

You fish through the box with your free hand, grabbing a pot. You place it in front of Syd. “Look.”

She peeks through her fingers. A tiny but flourishing nursery pot of basil sits before her. You speak. “You’re gonna hyper-fixate on this basil I’m gifting you, and then you’re gonna crack back into it with the dual burner until I’m done fixing the oven.”

She nods, putting her hands in her lap, “Yes, Chef.”

You pull out a second nursery pot, setting it down for Carmen. “For you.”

“What for?”

“Basil grows like a motherfucker and it’s getting unhinged. I need to start pawning off to people that’ll make good use of it. A-K-A, chefs.” You look at Syd, pointedly, “Talented chefs.”

You hand off the heating pad— Wrapped in brown paper with a card tied to it, to Carmen. “For Nat.” You add, when he looks confused, “Can’t imagine I’ll see her sooner than you will.”

He looks even more confused, when you hand him a spray bottle full of reddish water. It’s one of the good spray bottles, too. Continuous. Carmen wouldn’t know the difference, but you do. “Rosemary. —Water, that is.”

He squints; you clarify, gesturing to your own hair. “You mentioned, losing hair, so— Thought I’d make some, with the trimmings of rosemary I had. Got ginger and cloves in it, too.”

Why have you trapped him in hell? You’ve remembered such a specific off hand from days ago and acted on it? And he can’t express the grandiose level of affection he feels right now? Are you serious? You’re the devil. You’re absolutely the devil. He just coughs out a ‘thanks’.

“And, the pièce de résistance,” You pull out the old ass, boxed up double burner countertop stove. “A stovetop that ideally fuckin’ works. It was my single claim to fame in my college dormitory.”

Carmen’s already opening the box. Sydney smirks, curiosity peaked. “Was that legal?”

“You a fuckin’ RA?” You grin, poking her forehead. “It was not. And that’s exactly why everyone loved me— Didn’t serve them fuckin’ hot pockets.”

The configurations of Carmen’s apartment would be great for literally any occasion besides the current one. The kitchen is narrow, and so, when you pull out the stove to check the back, there’s an estimated no fucking room left for Carm and Syd, so they sit at the dinner table with your stove top. You’d think they’d look like they’re doing a cute hot pot. No. They look like two conflicted and confused twelve-year-olds working on a science project.

So do you, honestly. Wiring is definitely more your speed than plumbing, but if you’re being honest, this is the first oven you’ve worked on without your dad, and you’re having a hard time remembering everything. There’s a lot of embarrassed Googling on your phone, when you're sure they’re not looking. They can’t know you’re even slightly incompetent!

You’re pretty sure it’s just a couple damaged wires, fried from overwork— Easy fix, if you had wire. You don’t. Slightly harder fix. But soldering is your bitch really, you’re in your bag. You look stupid, wearing chunky goggles and a respirator, but you’re in your bag, baby! What’s that one saying? Skills make you hot? That’s not a saying.

But it is true. When Carmen’s able to peer into the kitchen, quickly looking over his shoulder when Syd takes a moment to write a measurement or direction down, you look stunning. Respirator and all. You just look correct there, in the kitchen. His kitchen. So stunning he feels guilty. Do you find it annoying? Constantly fixing errors behind him? Probably. You say it’s not a lot of work, but that can’t be true.

“How’s The Bear, ‘sides menu rework?” You ask, raising your voice in the kitchen.

“S’good.” Carmen. “I’m in hell.” Syd. Not hard to tell which statue is lying, here.

Syd stutters on, “Nat’s takin’ care of baby Michaela— Which is very good and—and cool, actually.”

“But?”

“But we’re back to handling the business side entirely ourselves, for like— The next month. Maybe two? Fuck, are we doing the wedding without her?” Sydney almost burns her sauce, Carmen’s quick to move it off the burner.

He mutters, “Don’t even start to think about it. It’s gonna be fine. We’re gonna figure it out.”

“Oh yeah, wedding— Have you gotten your menu yet?” You call from the kitchen, muffled by your respirator.

“Oh my god!” Sydney exclaims, and Carmen is wincing. She can’t tell you things are going wrong; doesn’t she know that? You’ll fix it, if things are wrong. You always fix it. Fix him. You’re gonna put him in your phone as Carmy Bad News. If you haven’t already. Start a support group with Tif.

Syd continues, “They’re so fucking particular and somehow also vague—Like, ‘we want salmon and chicken’ for main course— What kind of preparation? ‘Surprise us!’ Okay, how about roasted chicken—? ‘Mmmm, no, not that’. I’ve been told ‘non quello’ at least ten times in the last four days.”

No, you’re witty. Bad News Bear. Fuck, that’s definitely his name in your phone, isn’t it?

“Fuckin’ nightmare. Y’know, I’m the only fucking bartender? For like three hundred guests? Thank God they’re not asking for a custom cocktail or anything, I’d lose my shit.”

Sydney laughs, and she steps back into her flow easily, reducing the sauce without burning it, now. She looks more serene than she has in days. What? How are you doing that? What are you doing? Are you casting a spell?

“Can you even fucking imagine what their couples’ cocktail would be?”

You groan from the kitchen, laughing in return, “Not you too, Syd! Must you make me work!?”

“C’mon maestro, make a cocktail!”

“Bleh. Uh… They give long island iced tea energy, but it’s a wedding so— Like a boozier negroni?”

“That sounds fucking disgusting.”

“I didn’t say it’d be good, I said it’d be their couples’ cocktail.” You’re both giggling, like school girls. It’s like you said— You become teens, together.

Despite the fact that Syd is making an incredibly complex dish, and you’re fixing an oven—His oven— Ridiculing the other impossible tasks set out for the both of you… Despite all of that, you’re laughing.

Carmen is, what, nearly thirty? A restaurant owner, with a full crew, who attends Al-Anon, and is only now truly registering the power of an unsolvable burden being shared. Not fixed, shared. Talking. Laughing. God, this all comes so easy to you, doesn’t it?

You finish soldering, test each burner, and the oven— All working, thank God. You quietly cheer in the kitchen, removing your respirator and goggles. “We’re good here! Fixed!”

“C’mere!” Syd calls out to you, and so you do. Eagerly. She hands you a fork. Unprompted, she does the thing. You’d missed the OG, really.

“Beef Oxtail, pressed in a Foie Gras casing, seared. Basted in a King Oyster mushroom sauce. Pureed greens on the side.”

“I never know what the fuck you’re saying.”

She pushes the side of your face with the palm of her hand. “Put it in your mouth and chew.”

You want to make some sort of kink joke, but you respect the already struggling man in the room and take a bite. Hm. Hm. You put a finger over your mouth, swallowing. “...Now it might just be my unrefined palate.”

“That’s why we have you try it.” Carmen pipes in. Syd nods, following. “It’s important to know the baseline.”

“…It’s got like,” You hand the fork to Syd so she can try it, while you think. “A bit of a bitter aftertaste? Which might be the… goal?”

Syd spits it out the second it touches her mouth, she shouts your name, your actual name— A rarity. She’s so terrified that she forgets the Walk-In bit she’s been in on all week. “I just fuckin’ poisoned you— Oh my god?! Are you good? That was— Fuck! You swallowed that?!”

She grabs your face like a concerned mother, also maybe to check if you have superpowers, you’re not sure. All you know is there’s a golden opportunity to make another sex joke and you have to hold back. Life is so unfair.

Carmen takes a quick taste, also spitting it out. “I’ve got it, Chef, don’t sweat.” Immediately looking to the drafted recipe card to see where they went wrong.

Syd almost squeezes your cheeks like a stress ball but thinks better of it, letting go, groaning, beyond frustrated at this point. “You shouldn’t have to fix it— I should fuckin’ have it, at this point.”

Carmen's trying to ignore how much he relates to the sentiment. He's not the focus, right now.

“We make mistakes, Chef—” “Syd.” You snap your fingers, pointing to her, interrupting Carmen. “Can you help me grab something, from my car? It’s kinda big.”

Carmen’s quick to chime in, already going to untie his apron, “I can—”

“No!” You look at him pointedly, trying to communicate through look alone. He kind of gets it? “It’s… Girl stuff.”

Syd squints. “You need me to help you carry a big girl thing?”

“…Are you fuckin’ helping or are you gonna poke holes?”

“What are you actually dragging me out for?”

“Technically I do actually need your help grabbing something, it’s just not a girl thing. And it's also not from my car.”

“Oh?”

You walk out of Carmen’s building with his keys, and gesture out to every apartment buildings treasure trove— The spot everyone throws their furniture when they move out and don’t know what else to do with it.

“Bookshelf!” There is actually one pristine looking bookshelf, a cheap one, definitely just something from IKEA. But it’s better than the fucking floor. “I spotted it on my way in, we’re gonna bring it up for Carm.”

She groans, hating the concept of manual labour, but still walks with you and grabs one end anyways. “Why didn’t you make Carmen carry his own bookshelf?”

“Because you need a fuckin’ pep-talk.” You pick the other end of the bookshelf up. It’s thankfully not that heavy. You walk backwards so you can keep facing Syd.

“…I don’t—” “Yes the fuck you do.”

She kisses her teeth, you frown. “What’s up, Adamu?”

“It’s just fucking annoying— I keep, I keep fucking it up. I keep—Keep—”

“Doing too much.”

She gives you a look, ‘are you serious?’, type look. You continue. “You’re doing too much. You’re not cooking like you.”

“I can cook like Michelin—”

“I never said you couldn’t. Watch your step.” You interrupt, walking over a bump in the sidewalk. “You can do star level shit, Syd. But that’s a grade, not a type.”

She kind of reels, at that. You continue, “You cook great complex dishes, you always have, I’ve tried them. But now, you’re all caught up trying to prove some shit, to Carmen, to—to— Who gives stars? The tires guy?”

She laughs, almost dropping the bookshelf. “Yeah, I’m trying to impress the tires guy.”

“Fuck you.” You snort, stepping up the stairs. “What I’m trying to say is, you should make what you want to eat, not what you think you should eat.”

She nods, you stop on top of the stairs, both taking a second to breathe. “…Thanks.”

You nod back, hands on your knees for a second before standing back up, opening the lobby door. “I’ll always be your cheerleader, Syd.”

“More like coach.”

“Can you let me have one hot girl career, please?”

When you get back up to Carmen’s, he’s already grimacing. You and Syd are split apart by the bookshelf standing between you in the hall. “Fuck is this?”

“It was free and I’ll clean it!” You press your hands together pleading. “C’mon, you can even put your jeans in it!”

“Jeans on a bookshelf?”

You turn to Syd. “Better than the oven.”

“I think he’s doing that to dry them.”

“I think it’s ‘cause he doesn’t own a dresser.”

“It’s both.” Carmen clicks his tongue, single-handedly picking up the bookshelf and carrying inside. Alright, does he need to show off this much? Whatever. It’s definitely not making you feel any type of way at all.

You squint, watching him walk further in his apartment, and then to Syd. You speak at the same time. “He stays doing too much.”

As promised, you wipe down the bookshelf, making sure it’s free of grime and roadside pests. Syd and Carmy work together in the kitchen, with a now functioning oven. You load the shelf up with the books on the floor— Thankfully they’re piled into categories already, so you don’t have to bother him about that.

You’re tempted to clean his living room, but that would probably be rude, right? Don’t want him to take it as you saying he’s a slob. But they are taking a while… Alright, you’ll just throw out trash. You won’t fold blankets or pick up dishes or anything. Just trash! No big! He can’t be mad at you for that.

You pile together the garbage, then sneakily throw it out in the kitchen trash can as fast as you can, before he looks. He’ll think he’s just sleep cleaning, or something. “How’s it goin’ in here?’

Carmen pipes up, eyes focused on the dish as Syd plates it. “Good.” Syd holds the plate in one hand, and silently corrals you with the other to sit at the table. You do. She sets it down the plate before you, handing you a fork and knife.

You look up at her expectantly. She shakes her head. “Eat first, this time.”

She looks serious, so you nod, cutting into the dish. It’s different from the last one. Instead of oxtail, it’s pastry. Or at least, a puff pastry exterior. You’re pretty sure it’s Pillsbury, you remember Carmen buying that, the other day, on your excursion.

Inside it, you believe is the beef oxtail, there’s other things, too. Some sort of sauce, some greens— Oh well, no time to bask in the cross section because Syd looks like she’s about to explode. You take a bite. You nod, chewing.

Syd starts, “Searing the duck caused the bitter taste— So instead of- Of searing the outside, I coated it in the mushroom sauce, the greens— Not pureed, this time, for texture. Your basil, too. There’s a crumble of feta, for a subtle tang. And then wrapped it all together in puff pastry, and baked. It’s sort of like, a varied take on a beef welling—”

“You made a fucking gourmet hot pocket?” You swallow, wheezing. The second you say this, Sydney’s focused face beams, laughing, like she’s just pulled off the most perfect prank of all time.

Carmen was so intrigued and focused on Sydney’s explanation, that you watering it down to hot pocket and being right makes his entire system reboot. He cannot stop smiling, aghast. He's been helping Syd make a hot pocket for the past hour?

“I told you to make what you want and—” wheeze “—you make a fucking hot pocket?!” You double down, laughing with her, she’s trying to defend herself but she can’t stop wheezing in tandem.

“I— I can’t fuckin’ stand you!” You snort, covering your face with your arm. “I hate your ass, oh my God, Syd.”

“Did—” snort “What did you think?” She recovers, slowly but surely.

You shake your head, handing her the fork. “It’s sick, Syd, obviously, it’s fucking perfect… Chef.” You tack on at the end, almost forgetting. “I’m not gonna be able to have an actual hot pocket, ever again. You’ve ruined my life.”

She takes a bite for herself, nodding. She does a small cheer, pumping her fist. “Let’s fucking go.” She points her fork at you— Purely on muscle memory, and you both instantly remember the days of her testing out recipes and you pairing them on first taste. She’d point her fork to you like a microphone. It was a fun game between two nerds.

It’s a reflex response for you, even now. “Barolo. Savory, dry, red. A young one, though. Light body. Could also do an Amarone, if you’re not buried in money.”

She hands the fork off to Carmy to try it, then writes the pairings down, mumbling, amusement still in her voice. “How the fuck do you do that?”

“I honestly don’t know. I think I have some wires crossed.”

“Fire, Chef.” Carmen swallows his bite. “We cannot call it a hot pocket on the menu.”

“Then what’s the point!?”

Leaving Carmen’s place is objectively the most awkward experience— But also the funniest. You offer to wait for Syd and drive her home— You’ll need a second to pack anyways while they make their business plans.

When you do offer, of course, Carmen stutters short, almost asking you again to sleep over or at the very least stay late, but saves it, realizing himself.

Syd accepts the ride offer. You pack up and wait for her to be done. When she is, Carmen offers to carry your things down with you both, in which Syd accuses him of thinking you’re both weaklings— He does not have a defense case for this, he has to let you go. You can tell he wants to kiss you at the door, and you do too. Sadly, you’re equally down bad, but he can’t know that…

You say your goodbyes, Syd helps you load your tools and hotplate in the trunk of your car. Your phone vibrates. Text from Mister New York.

‘Look up I’m on the balcony. 8 floors.’

You look up, sure as shit, he’s out there, cigarette in mouth. Unlit. He waves, you wave back. He texts again, in rapid succession.

‘Thank you’

‘For helping Syd’

‘And the oven and the hot plate and the bookshelf (not necessary)’

‘nbd + I think it’s v necessary’ Does Carmen understand acronyms? You’re risking it, here.

‘and cleaning my trash’ Sonofabitch.

‘ah fuck. I don’t think you’re messy!!! I just wanted to help!!!’

‘I know. You’re you. Be safe.’

Oh goddammit, stupid dry texter, saying something so gah. You jump as Syd taps the roof of your car behind you, getting your attention. Watching from a far distance, Carmen laughs, though you don’t notice it.

“Are we going?”

“Yes! Sorry!” You hurriedly pocket your phone, waving one last time as you get in your car. Syd sits beside you in shotgun, her pot of basil sat safely in her lap. You drive off.

You’re half way down the road, when Syd pipes up again. “So y’all are fucking, correct?”

You almost brake check the guy behind you.

“How do you fuckin’ do that!?”

the opening is dedicated to my dear friend and i who have sent our wordle results to each other everyday for the past like year and a half.

Things of note, one - people usually skip the shit up top-- I made a spotify playlist! Listen if you like, I'm not your dad.

Two, I know this is a self insert right, i know what I set myself up for-- Do you know the hell i am in as a syd x carmy girl writing scenes with both of them and it NOT being them? What have I done, to myself? The only coping mechanism I have is imagining in this universe Syd is a lesbian. And that is helping.

The hot pocket recipe-- Who fucking knows, if that would taste good? I think it would? In theory? I fucked with a dish from Daniel NYC, to make it into a bit. Would it work? ....Beef wellingtons do, I can't see why this can't???? Idk man.

Rosemary water w cloves and ginger does fucking work btw. I am part of the so stressed out i lost my hair brigade. Also basil does grow like a motherfucker.

We're seein' a little bit of that tenseness that comes with being in an 'almost relationship' both of them feel like they've got something they can fuck up now. Poor birds. They'll be okay. Probably.

I'm really excited for the next chapter, I don't wanna give shit away, but it's gonna be,,,,,, different. I haven't seen anyone try this kinda formatting on tumblr before, and I'm excited to see what you think. Between my moving and how complex the choreography of it is gonna be, it's gonna be a much longer minute between this chapter and the next, I fear. But listen, you already knew your ass was gettin' spoiled with a chapter every two days. Hehe.

As always, please come yap to me in the replies/inbox/dms/reblogs. I love to hear thoughts!! It sustains me, baby!!

Next Part

#carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmen x reader #carmy berzatto #carmy x reader #the bear fanfiction #the bear x reader #the bear #the bear fx #carmy the bear #carmen berzatto x female reader

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the-defendery-189 · 8 months

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ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS #1

Venus & Neptune square and aspects in general, especially negative ones - lazy, creative, and inspirational, yet so delusional and preferring their fantasies to the relatity in their relationships and often not even realise they're doing that.

Capricorn and Virgo and Aquarius suns are imo the ones to hate astrology the most, like once they learn there are also bad things about their signs, wow!!!, they immediately hate it and GOOOD, astrology is so TERRIBLE and UNREAL and FAKE... 🙄🙄🙄

Scorpio suns are very hypocritical. Once they say some things but when it's suddenly against them, you're just making it up, it never happened! Also gaslight people and are just generally very proud and irrational when hurt a lot. Blame others a lot. Get all defensive and icky when people actually try to accuse them of something they have done.

Geminis can use fake tears to make you pity them and then act like it's all your fault, anyways.

Also sags use their feelings to try to gaslight people and make them feel sad for them and excuse themselves when they just don't care about them anymore, and just make them seem like it's all the other persons fault, when they'll still go like "its not you, it's me" in the end.

Cancer suns are very quirky in a kind of disgusting way, personally I get very annoyed by them and they still think I think they're oh so cute.

Also cancer men are very manipulative and might want to seem like the prince charming and saviour of all the women. Often matriarchal and want women to have all the power. Also submissive to them in sex and generally want women to be the dominant ones in a relationship. Often grew up in a home without a father, who left them as a child, their mother ruling the household. Might be the youngest sibling. Bullied in school and bullying others, hiding behind the "but I'm a soft boy uwu 😩😣💖💖💖🫀🫀🫀❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥💔💔💔👈👈👈" excuse and trauma that have happened to them. Either metalheads or soft boys uwu discord kittens. Often joke about furries and cringe weird communities and their obsessions. Very chronically online and may have grew up as a YouTube creepy pasta or smth else child.

Also Cancer men - Will pretend to listen to a girl because they know this is what they want --- because of that mother relationship they grew up with. But seriously just not give a fuck for real in their heads, they just know how to be smart and manipulate women. Don't feel comfortable around men BCS of their too-much-comfortable being they happen to switch on when are with women. Often put on a mask in front of men and pretend to be someone who they aren't. Men might think they're cool then, which j really don't understand. Like what???

Also cancer men and women - mommy issues, if it wasn't obvious. Can be very backstabbing and distrustful and think of themselves as mega hot and the best. Often boring texters and talkers. Rant a lot and talk about their hyperfixations and how the world is cruel and shit towards them, but really sometimes you can't help but wonder if they don't deserve it.

Saturn in 7th - Abusive relationships, getting married later in life, husband/wife popular and maybe rich, so if they abuse you, nobody might believe you and everybody will be on their side because they might be just more charismstic than you.

My parents both have this placement and it is HELL.

Lilith in 10th, 1th - Women envy you, hate you and sabotage you, men think you're too dark and edgy for them. People thinking you think you're better then them, this hating you. Being too charismatic for your own good.

Leo Venus - again, as it is with the Saturn in 7th. Could be more popular and overall likeable so if they do terrible things to you, nobody will believe you. Might just be nobody believing me cuz of crazy people around me tho.

Neptune in 1st - people might find you very attractive and ethereal, but also project on you A LOT. Meaning connections and relationships with you are just really difficult to even happen BCS people are always so judging and mean towards you.

Chiron in 1st - Body image issues, partners might abuse you and body shame you, people thinking less of you and in childhood parents often telling you you look ugly. I'm sorry people, I have this placement too tho so its not like I'm shaming you too, just I can feel your pain.

Scorpio ascendant - Too assertive and proud of your uniqueness and too opinionated for your own good. You guys are so clear with your speaking and always speak your mind and aren't fearful to express yourself how you feel and how your think and are always so like colorful with the things you say if you know what I mean. People will despise you for that and try to shut you up. And as somebody who did this to my scorp rising friend before subconsciously,,, yep. It happens even from your trusted friends.

If your moon is in the same sign as your friends/anyone's ascendant... You might feel instantly understood by them. Like I have this with my friend and it's an absolutely great and fantastic relationship, I love her. She absolutely understands me and gets me on a spiritual level - maybe caused by the fact that we have this with Scorpio - like no one else. It's a great relationship, savour this.

If you have a moon sign same as somebody's sun sign, you might enjoy their cooking.

If you have a sun sign same as somebody else's rising, you might try to be more like them and adore them for no reason.

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lambilegs · 9 days

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ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

modern!au lee harker headcanons (she looks so sexy in this picture I'm gonna die) 📲♥️

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

doesn't like posting on instagram, and if she does, it'll be something not including herself, like her pet cats LMAO

she finds it anxiety-inducing and uncomfortable to post pictures of herself, but just for legitimacy's sake, she does have a picture of herself as her dp

it's one hundred percent an unintentionally fuckboy angle pic of her looking down at the camera (hot hot hot)

lesbians ALWAYSSSS be sliding into her dms and hitting on her, but she's SUCH a dry texter and gets so flustered and awkward

the only time she posts on her story is if it's for social justice causes, or to just repost things her friends have posted

probably has 100-150 followers. just a lot of people she's met in class, when dragged out or online

yes I def think she has online friends. she's totally in a discord server filled with people who have similar interests to her (+ are neurodivergent duh)

constantly falling into wikipedia wormholes -- will search up one curious idea that pops into her head (lee's search history: shifts in christianity in the sixteenth century), and then click on one term, and then another, and then another, and then, ends up spending three straight hours fixated on absorbing all this new information

loves watching video essays and deep dives (she also occasionally watches movie recaps when she couldn't be bothered to watch a film but her curiosity is piqued. she loves Kennie J.D.)

her lockscreen is def a pic of her and her friends :') (once she gets a gf though, it'll def be that switcharoo thing iphones do, filled with photos of her friends and gf)

she has an album in her phone that's just of her and ruth, and she sometimes gets lost in her thoughts, just staring at all the memories of her and her mom. this happens a lot on lonely nights

speaking of, ruth is her number one on speed dial. she still isn't certain why, but having her mom there like that comforts her

her friends force her to get dating apps, once spending a very long afternoon making profiles for her (she literally had to rip the phone from their hands when they wrote: I study criminology so I know a bad girl when I see one ;))

they find the entire ordeal hilarious, especially since she's stiff on the couch and wringing her hands like 🧍🏽‍♀️ but she knows, deep inside, she wants a gf/partner and, well, apparently, this is the way to do it

however, she ends up being really overwhelmed by all the options KDIJSKDJ and she finds herself confused and conflicted as to how to decide who to swipe right or left on because she doesn't know anything about these people, their morals, their values, how compatible they are with her, etc. (her friends groan and tell her to stop making it so complicated and just select based on gut instinct)

but her gut instinct is literally non-existent with such brief intros to the people she sees. plus, she finds socializing draining as is, and the idea of texting and making small talk with someone for days to weeks, then not feeling anything when they meet seems exhausting to her

gets so impatient when it comes to microtrends on tiktok. she sees all these trends constantly changing and being implemented in diff ways, and people always advocating for new ways to change yourself and discard last month's trend, and she finds it so overwhelming. she already isn't super in tune with social cues and societal expectations and rules, so tiktok constantly having all these new microtrends, as well as challenges and tests to dissect and define how good your relationship is, how well you're doing self-care, if you're fashionable, etc., and all the different ways to change this, is draining to her.

she's super late when it comes to trends also lmfao always feels like the one lesbian out of the loop bc she never gets the pop culture references (lee: "who is chappell roan?")

her friends force her to do tiktok dances bc they find it hilarious how she's just 😐 the entire time

nsfw cut (literally barely anything LMFAO)

watches porn

definitely secretly follows lesbian nsfw artists on twitter

#scheduled #lee harker #lee harker x reader #lee harker fanfiction #longlegs #longlegs fanfiction #s.writing

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keelsforreals · 2 months

Text

refrain: chapter 1, good

kageyama x f!reader

chapter 1 - refrain masterlist

♪ ༘⋆ good

a/n: i recommend listening to the song when it comes up!! it's not required for the story or anything but i think it adds to the reading experience :)

kageyama opened his laptop and leaned back on his headboard. the sun was setting and the air was thick, "perfect yn listening weather" in oikawa's words. he had no idea what that meant, but kenma silently agreed so he took his word for it.

the stream was apparently starting soon, so he opened the youtube tab he pinned the day prior. looking back at him through the screen was yn. yn... the name was somehow familiar to him, not just from kenma and oikawa talking about her, but he couldn't recall from where. shelving that thought for another time, he focused on the stream and listened.

"hiii! oh wow you guys are coming in quick". she pushed her hair back with both hands, and smiled as her eyes darted back and forth from the camera to where the chat was. yn spoke softly but clearly, kageyama wondered if her singing voice was similar.

"so..." kageyama blinked, pulled away from his thoughts, but determined to stay focused this time. "today's stream is going to be pretty chill. if you didn't know, i had a concert last night at onigiri miya. were any of you there?" her eyes move to the chat and she smiled. "yes tooru, i know you were there". unconsciously, kageyama looks to the chat and cringes as he skims oikawa's numerous messages. in all caps. with far too many emojis.

yn laughs and reads a few messages from other viewers before changing the subject. "okay, uh, i should probably stop talking now. it's singing time". she pulls an acoustic guitar from off screen and positions it in her lap as she starts talking. "now this first song, i'm sure you're all familiar with. especially one of you. and for that one person watching," something between annoyance and sadness shows on her expression for just a second, so fast that kageyama feels like he's the only one that noticed. "i've moved on. we both know that. so why can't you?"

kageyama wants to ask every question he could. he's always been nosey. but before he could act on any urge to type in chat, he feels embarrassed. 'this is a stranger. what am i doing?'

"anyways. this is mud"

...

a whole hour of songs and short talking breaks in between, but kageyama hasn't looked away once. her face is relaxed, her eyes either focused on the chat or on her hands while playing her guitar. he finds himself smiling at her looks at the camera and remarks, fulling feeling her music when she starts a new song.

the final song ends with a long strum of her guitar. she exhales and takes the guitar off of her lap as she starts to talk again. "alright guys, i think that's it for tonight". yn smiles and looks at the camera, kageyama feels like she's looking right at him.

"thank you for watching, i'm really glad i could-woah HEY!" her head whipped around to her bedroom door as it flew open. "YN!" kageyama squinted at the screen, realizing he knew the unfocused face and voice behind yn. nishinoya? why was he there? what was the big deal?

"woah, noya dude what's your problem? im live right now"

"turn off the stream! now like seriously!"

"good or bad?"

"good i promise just turn it o-" he reached over yn's shoulder and ended the stream. just like that. not knowing what just happened or what to think, he pulled out his phone.

p.s!

➳ first chapter is done lets go!

➳ i will probably make a playlist with some songs that go along with yn's streams and post it later

➳ sorry that this is like all writing i got really carried away (dw it will go back to mostly smau next chapter)

➳ nothing bad happened! the news is really good

➳ oikawa is a double texter (more like quadruple texter) and he feels no shame

➳ noya and yn check up on each other by saying "good or bad", it's easy for the both of them and it can lead to a conversation if needed or just stay the one word answer if they dont feel like talking about it

sypnosis: the infamous point to a crowd member at the end of all of yn’s concerts wasn’t something she ever thought that much of, after all, it was just a joke her friends and bandmates thought would be funny. however this simple move to an unaware and uninformed boy makes both of them question if it really was just a throw away joke this time, or something more. something neither of them expected to come out of this small, crowded gig.

taglist (open!): @lvtilzs @diorzs @nymphsdomain

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #band!au #college!au #haikyuu fic #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x f!reader #haikyuu x female reader #hq smau #kageyama smau #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama x reader #tobio kageyama x reader #kenma x reader #oikawa x reader #nishinoya x reader

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jae-bummer · 1 year

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Know Your Worth

Request: Hello, could I request #9 with Seventeen Woozi ?

Prompt:

9) "I don't want them. I want you."

Pairing: Seventeen Woozi x Reader

Genre: Angst

Your phone vibrated next to your plate, causing your friend, Ari, to eye it warily. "Why bother carrying your phone around if you never use it?"

"I don't know what you mean," you muttered, taking an uncomfortably large bite of your food. Strategically, this would keep you from having to phrase a rebuttal in what you knew would be an upcoming argument.

"You know exactly what I mean," she sighed, setting her fork on the table. She reached toward your device, but you quickly grabbed it, and set it further away from her.

Pointing to your mouth, you exaggerated your chewing before giving the smallest shrug.

"You're a menace," she groaned. Just as you thought she was going to pick up her utensils again and go back to safe dinner conversation, you nearly choked as she launched herself toward the opposite end of the table.

You scrambled in an attempt to get your phone before she did, but it took only a few seconds before you realized it was a lost cause. As she held your device, clutched protectively in her hands, she looked up at you with a grin.

"Who's the menace?" you croaked, finally finished chewing your last bite of food.

She ignored you and chose to unlock your phone instead. Narrowing her eyes at the screen, she looked back up. "What is your problem?"

"I mean, should we start with the childhood trauma or-"

"Don't be cute!" she gasped, flashing the screen in your direction. "Why, may I ask, do you have multiple unread messages from Woozi?"

"I cannot shut down my cuteness, Ari," you sighed, focusing fully on the plate before you. It had suddenly become much more interesting in the past few moments.

"Stop deflecting and tell me the truth!" she groaned. "I'm trying to live vicariously through you and it's really hard when you're sabotaging both of our dreams!"

You leaned your head back and tried to suppress a groan. There it was.

Reflecting back, the day had been just like any other. You had stopped at your favorite cafe for a cup of tea and ran into your friend who was not a friend. Jihoon was someone who you only knew by his order being called out by a barista, but in your head, he was one of your comfort people. You had a normal routine that he had fallen into. Whether it was waiting for your drinks at the to go area (in companionable silence) or sitting next to each other at the bar (also in companionable silence), you knew of each other in the barest of ways. He was an NPC in your life until he decided to slip you his number before leaving the coffee shop one day.

It took giving yourself a pep talk to finally text him. He was attractive and a great tipper (very important), but that was all you knew. In time, you learned he was a (self-admitted) bad texter, an emotional drinker, and someone who tended to keep his struggles to himself. The handful of dates you had gone on went above and beyond what you had hoped. Jihoon was incredibly kind, listened well, and was always considerate. His vibe was soft and something special that you could never relate to anyone you had met before.

Once you had finally grown comfortable with the idea of dating someone, you slowly began to tell your friends. It was then that their expectations slapped you in the face. You knew Jihoon was a musician and had even listened to his music before the two of you had grown close. The gravity of who he was, however, hadn't hit you until you started bringing him up.

"It wasn't my dream to date someone high profile," you muttered, shooting your friend a look. "I just want to be with someone in a normal way."

"He's still a human, Y/N," your friend whined. "I'm sure he's great at being normal."

"Yeah, but you're not," you huffed.

Taken aback, your friend tilted her head. Sliding you your phone, she crossed her arms. "And what does that mean?"

"It means that everything was fine until everyone started telling me about how famous he was!" you gasped, throwing your hands in the air.

"But that doesn't mean-"

"No," you cut her off. "It doesn't mean I shouldn't date him, but it made me realize just how much attention he got. It made me realize that he may be too busy, too famous, or honestly, too attractive to ever fall for me in the way I was for him."

"Y/N," Ari said quietly. You looked to her face and noticed her expression was remorseful. "I never thought my excitement for who you were dating would make you feel like that...I was more excited for you to be happy."

"Happy with an idol," you grumbled.

"I'm sorry," she squeaked. "But he's obviously texting you...he's showing he's interested. Are you really putting everything on hold because you have the dumbest friend in the whole world?"

"You aren't dumb," you sighed. "It's more about me than you. It just felt better to blame you."

"No, I made you realize something you never should have even thought of," she muttered. "Because you're the best and he could love the shit out of you if you let him."

Taking a deep breath, you looked up at the sign dangling from the coffee shop that you had been regrettably going to for the past week. It felt awful sneaking around to places you knew Jihoon wouldn't be. The indigestion from the crappy drinks was second to the guilt.

Walking forward, you tugged at the door, and slid into the cafe. Pulling at the handle to close it behind you, you were surprised as it swung open again with force. Looking over your shoulder, you let out a whimper. Jihoon stood before you, white knuckling the edge of the door.

"So this is where you go to avoid someone," he said, deadpan.

If you could shrink into yourself and then melt into the floor, now would be a great time to do that.

"I'm not avoiding anyone," you whispered. The words already sounded like a lie.

"I never took you for someone who ghosted, Y/N," he sighed, shaking his head. Letting go of the door, he backed away, and let it slam in your face.

Shit.

Immediately pushing back outside, you were relieved to see he hadn't made it very far. Plopped on a bench, he was hunched over, and typing furiously on his phone. You tried to make yourself as small as possible as you walked over and plopped on the seat beside him.

"I know it may be a really bad excuse," you said quietly. "But honestly, it's not you. It's me."

Sitting up, Jihoon swiveled his head toward you and narrowed his eyes.

Yeah, you probably deserved that look.

"I've been in my head about us," you continued. "And honestly, my head is the worst place to be. All cobwebs and shitty coffee."

This caused a small smirk that ignited a bit of hope in your chest. If he was even the tiniest bit receptive, maybe he'd understand.

Actually, you were sure he would. He was Jihoon.

"I started talking to my friends," you grumbled. "Which was a huge mistake. They made me very aware that you were THE Woozi of Seventeen."

"You hadn't already noticed?" he asked. You could tell by his mannerisms that he was tired. Whether that was because of his job or you, you weren't completely sure.

"Of course I noticed," you sighed. "I just hadn't really...thought about it."

"I'm going to need some context to that one."

"You were Jihoon," you shrugged. "I knew what you did for a living, but that had very little to do with the version of you I came to know."

"My career is part of who I am," he said. "It's shaped me in a lot of ways."

"I recognize that," you nodded. "And I appreciate that side of you too. I guess I just hadn't really considered you as a celebrity or anything. You were just this guy I met at the coffee shop and thought was cute."

"Is there a reason why I can't be both?"

"Yes," you grumbled. "Because a celebrity and a boy who gave me his number are two things that could not possibly correlate."

"I am so terribly lost that I don't even know how you want me to respond, Y/N," Jihoon said, almost apologetically.

"You can't like me," you insisted. "At least that's what I thought. How could you like me? I'm no one."

Jihoon's mouth popped open and he stared at you as if you had just sprouted a second head. "Is that why you haven't been talking to me?"

"Well...yeah."

This made him openly laugh as he scooted closer to you. Reaching over, he took your face between his hands. Smiling sadly, he began to shake his head. "You thought I'd decide you weren't worth it."

"Or that some other person would come along," you said quietly. It was growing harder and harder not to nuzzle your face into his palm. "Someone more notable or better looking."

"I'm not sure if you've hit your head lately," Jihoon grinned. "But I don't want them. I want you."

"Are you sure?" you squeaked.

"Wasn't I the one who gave you my number?"

"Well yeah, but-"

"No buts," he said quietly, this time his face serious. "No if's, no maybes. You are worth every bit of attention I give you, and then some. You cannot equate your worth based on your lack of celebrity. Do you know how many celebrities I know who are worth absolutely nothing at all?"

You could feel the tears start to well on your lower lashes. You had been so incredibly clueless all along. You had learned Jihoon's heart and you should have known better.

"I'm stupid," you whimpered. "And I'm sorry."

Jihoon's eyes were so soft as he looked at you, like he could never make you understand. "You are not and don't be. Just talk to me. I know I'm not the easiest person to be with, but I will make it so damn worth it for you, Y/N. Just give me the chance."

Gasping out a choked off sob, you pulled his face toward yours. Placing a kiss firmly on his lips, you pulled away again to wipe the tears falling down your cheeks. Giggling, you realized you had gotten some on Jihoon as well. Reaching up, you dabbed at his skin with sweater paws.

Smiling like your chest would burst with happiness, you looked into his eyes. A smile was waiting there too.

Everything was going to be okay as long as you let it.

#jihoon #woozi #seventeen woozi #svt #seventeen #lee jihoon #woozi angst #woozi x reader #woozi fanfic #woozi fic #woozi svt #seventeen x reader #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fic #seventeen angst #seventeen scenarios

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simpingforthemm · 4 months

Note

op ur an absolute saint for writing for isaac & lee garcia 🙏 would you write a one-shot or headcanons for lee garcia? there is a severe lack of fics for him 😢 (probably bcuz he got very little screentime, but in the mlwtwb book he's actually rlly sweet)

dating lee garcia hcs!

a/n: for sure!! your wish is my demand and thank you so much for this request, i'm so so sorry for taking so long to do this, i've been procrastinating like hell but now I'm finally getting back to writing

summary: what dating lee garcia would be like!

so I feel like it defo depends on ur personality (I mean ofc it does)

but I can really imagine him with either a sunshine x grumpy dynamic

him being the grumpy one

or with a black cat gf

but me personally I feel like lee would go for a sunshine person bc he just needs that type of energy in his life

I think it's already really hard for him bc his dad is in the military and he doesn't really get to see him or talk to him very often

so he needs some type of positivity in his life and someone to love him and be affectionate with him

bc he also doesn't get loads of attention in the walter’s house

yk because they have so many kids already

he’s still a very family oriented guy so he’d also want someone like that

I think he also sometimes gets overlooked bc of Isaac and his popularity

(I think also Isaac gets more romantic attention from girls out of the two of them)

so he’d just want someone to see him for who he is and yeah, admire him a lil

I think at the beginning of y'all starting to date it’d be really hard for him to open up bc he can be closed off

(we’ve seen that already in the show that he tends to not talk so much and let's Isaac do a lot of the talking)

if he does say something he can be quite snappy and rude but he does apologize when he's gone too far

he’s scared about the fact that you like him as more than a friend bc he thinks you might not mean it and that you're just using him to get closer to Isaac

which is why he is a bit rude and cold to you at the beginning

he also was a dry texter before he warmed up to you

“wym”, “k”, “gn”, “nvm” and things like that, no emojis whatsoeva 😭

but as the two of you go on more dates I think he notices that you do actually like him for him and that you don't have some kind of ulterior motive for spending time with him

and that you simply do it bc you want to

he’d actually smile more, put an arm around your shoulder, make some jokes

(the sarcastic kind bc his humor is definitely sarcasm and / or dark humor)

I think when some time has passed, he’d definitely apologize for his behavior in the beginning and he’d also be sorta embarrassed bc he feels so bad for not seeing that you're a sweetheart right away

It’d take some more time until the two of you would become more “physical” with each other

and by that I mean like hand holding and eventually like kissing

I feel like lee doesn't just spend time with anyone, he carefully picks who he hangs out with and it takes a lot of time for him to fully trust someone

so I think he'd really only start being more physically affectionate if he's really sure about you

so it's a huge deal when he holds your hand after like a month and a half of dating

then you know he really means it with you two

I feel like your first kiss would follow shortly after it’d be so soft and careful bc lee is so nervous and he's been waiting so long to do this (he’s been waiting to gather the courage) 🥹

I feel like when you first started dating it would take a little longer for all the “big moments” to happen if you know what I mean

like lee would need a lot of time to warm up to this whole situation but then as you get closer to each other things would happen rlly fast bc you guys know that you're it for each other

“when you know, you know”

and you guys definitely know

first you’d hold hands, then you’d kiss, then you’d confess

and then next thing you know, you're together

I feel like lee would really properly ask you to be his girlfriend because he likes to be sure of things and not just assume something

I don't think he’d make that big of a deal out of it because you already kissed, confessed to each other etc. so you're practically already together and it's just common courtesy to ask

so it’d probably be a late afternoon, maybe like on a Friday

you had gone to the skater park with lee, just watching him do a few tricks (trying to impress you ofc)

then he’d randomly skate up to you to take a break and I feel like he'd just ask you out of nowhere

like take a sip out of his water bottle and be like “do you wanna be my gf”

and you're like “😃.. um yes!!!”

and then you're together :)

I feel like lee is the chillest bf ever but he can be a little jealous bc bro is afraid of losing you

like he completely trusts you but when someone comes up and talks to you

someone that he feels is way more attractive and just in general better than him for you (which is not true obvi, he’s the best for you)

he will be a little insecure and needs reassurance

he’d teach you some spanish

as well as skateboarding and some tricks you can do ;)

I feel like his love language is definitely acts of service

like he’ll definitely carry an extra water bottle with him wherever he goes bc he knows you get dehydrated easily and also always has a little snack for you

NO PET NAMES

I think lee hates pet names like whenever he hears another couple say them he's just like that meme

“brother ewww”

https://pin.it/2m17zXtm9so

he just always calls you your normal name or a nickname

but he literally refuses to say “baby” or “sweetheart” or something like that

like noo

he just cringes way to easily

he also isn't that big on pda I fear

he’s okay with the casual things for example an arm around your shoulder, hand holding but he would never ever make out in public

if you're in a quieter area he might give you a little kiss on the forehead but I think for him, the full-on kiss is reserved for when it's just the two of you or you’re with the people that you're close with

but at school, most people that don't know you're a couple would think you're just really close friends

you guys have the relationship that's private but not secret

trope with you guys: lee is grumpy to everyone except you

I feel like lee is a very thoughtful bf, always knows the right things to gift you, always knows what to say and he can sense whenever your mood changes and what to do about it

also he will join in on the vibes if you're having a little dance party in the kitchen or something like that

and yes if you're a swiftie or a hard core fan of a band he will learn all the lyrics to be able to loudly sing them with you at the concert 😍

bro is touch starved so cuddling is always a big yes for him

he will never ever deny you affection

just the sweetest guy ever

i hope you guys enjoyed it and tell me what you think!! also don't hesitate to send in a request ❤️❤️ love ya

#my life with the walter boys x reader #mlwtwb x reader #lee garcia x reader #netflix my life with the walter boys #my life with the walter boys #lee garcia image #lee garcia x fem reader #mlwtwb lee x reader #mlwtwb lee #dating lee garcia #dating lee garcia headcanons #alex walter x reader #isaac garcia x reader #lee garcia

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vai3r13 · 2 months

Note

Hello hello! :) I’m here for our matchup trade for Black Butler! (I sent the pictures for the Paparazzi end :) )

Starting off I am a neurodivergent, queer (but attracted to masculinity) female. I go by she/they and im an INFP Sagittarius.

Physically, I am a 5’2” but wear platform converse or boots every day of my life. Style wise, im definitely alternative. However, Im also a fan of the baggy jeans, tight top, kinda side of grunge. Im also a sucker for black with pastels, so I suppose my color pallete would fall under “Pastel Goth” or something similar. I actually really love the style called “Morute” which stands for “Morbidly Cute”. I just absolutely adore the creepy-cute combination, and i aspire to look like a creepy doll somedays.

That also would lead into hobbies, as I love dolls! I collect them and will gush over them any time i see one in public i like. Especially going to cons and seeing the little stands with BJD dolls? I go feral-...and broke. My entire room is decorated in pretty dolls, anime figures, manga, and cherry blossom vines. (I really want a cherry blossom tattoo on my back but im terrified of needles-) My other hobbies include writing, skateboarding, singing/making music, and dancing! I have a band with friends right now. I’m training my voice to be a metal singer despite having a feminine voice, so im a bit shy with it right now.

Personality wise, I suppose it tends to fluctuate, but i think what sticks the most is that I'm extremely sweet and loyal. I used to be very shy, and can even be pretty quiet nowadays too. Im definitely introverted but, ive gotten much better with it. Friends would definitely say that im bubbly, always trying to laugh. Definitely witty too because I absolutely love bantering and softly bullying people. Id say im very emotionally intelligent when it comes to other people. Im definitely a realist, and im told im very good with advice and empathizing with people. I feel i understand other emotions more than mine sometimes. Which annoys me- Because I have a habit of not expressing anything negative. I think it might be due to past trauma, but I have a hard time staying angry or upset with people. Its like- once you screw me over, i have no issues getting rid of you. I dont like that i can easily disconnect from people, as I feel it makes me sound like a bad person, but I just feel l like if i know my worth, and someone isnt treating me as they should, I shouldnt keep them in my life. That does go to say though, that I am an all or nothing person with people I care about. If i am your friend, I trust you can come to me with anything and I vice versa no matter what. I always come through and i expect the same.

Another bad habit though would be disappearing. I wouldnt call it ghosting because I always pop back up, but I usually dont respond or see people for weeks or even months, even close friends. Most that are close know that if they need to talk to me, they have to double text or call me. Ill always answer then. I dont mean to, I just for some reason am really consistent with randomly dropping off the face of the earth for everyone but my partner, or person closest. Texts are always paragraphs though! Im not a dry texter, just forget I exist and have to respond :) Not to mention, i have ran away out of state before just for the sake of going and exploring. (Did a lot of Urbex and trespassing- it was fun but i dont think ill ever go to abandon buildings like that again. That doesnt mean ill stop climbing trains though!) I just love road trips and little late night adventures.

Some notes about me… Id say my fears involve needles, the dark (I sleep with a nightlight but love horror-), Clowns, and deep water. I cannot swim and have nearly drowned before so I actually hate going swimming. I dont see the appeal and start to panic if i cant see or touch the bottom. I wouldnt say im scared of spiders though like most. I actually am the person my job calls for to grab spiders and take them outside. If theyre cute, ill just grab them with my hand. Another thing is that I have OCD and PTSD. My OCD isnt the typical stereotype of being clean, Im just very routine with patterns. The person im with has to be okay with frequent alarms I set for different time frames, my strange eating habits (I cant have anything touching, one food at a time, soft foods over crunchy, and i absolutely love bananas but cant eat them unless someone peels them for me while im not looking) I also get very paranoid about certain things, like for example, i get little episodes sometimes where I freak out because I believe Ill inherent my dads schizophrenia and Ill because dissociated with reality, so whoever im with needs to be able to help assure me i wont just lose my mind- That being said, my least favorite love language is touch! I can be touched, but its very easy to overwhelm my due to past trauma. I also flinch very easily without even thinking and it gets annoying when people make fun of it. Because of this as well, im a very silent walker and tend to scare people because i subconsciously make myself as unnoticeable as possible. Im also an insomniac. I will not go to bed until the sun is up, and even then I wake up very easily. My doctor keeps trying to give me medications for it so i can sleep better, but its so ironic because I stop taking them constantly because I hate feeling tired. SO someone who doesnt mind being up a bit late would be appreciated :)

Random facts are: I absolutely adore raccoons and rats, and used to be a rat mom! I’ll spit out little rodent facts like im google. I know morse code. Im an amazing driver. I will get you there fast and safe….fast as in i max out my car frequently and if i get one more traffic misconduct i lose my license. BUT i know how to be safe with taking those risks, if that makes sense? Like i know where and when to speed and when not to- Most people fear getting in the car with me. But other than that, i think that’s it for now! Thank you <3

Hello!<3 @xxchthonicreaturexx

I apologize for any mistakes! English is not my native language and I'm new to writing:) Written in "you" perspective

possible tw - talk of mental health, mentions of unhealthy relationship ig? idk how healthy grim reapers r, mentions of drowning and suicide

barely proofread

To start, you're gorg and going off of everything I think your Black Butler match would be..

Undertaker !!

Both visually and personality wise I think you would compliment each-other! In my opinion your energies have something similar.

visual

I think Undertaker would like your piercings, he has an industrial himself.

small head cannons

You both have black nail polish, so painting each others nails as a cute activity:)

Doing each others eyeliner/make up.

classic

Undertakers mbti type most likely is ISTJ while yours is INFP. While your compatibility can seem difficult at first, by appreciating each others differences you "balance" each other out.

Sagittarius and Aquarius are an energetic match, being air and fire signs your elements fit seamlessly. In astrology, air feeds fire.

"i can easily disconnect from people"

Is a trait both of your star signs posses, a similarity that needs to be balanced between the two of you.

In terms of style I can see you in lots of similar/ partner outfits, as your style is somewhat similar too. Undertaker would, just like you, adore pastel goth and a creepy cute, dolly like aesthetic, - not on him but most definitely on his partner.

I think Undertaker would definitely share your love for dolls, acquiring many dolls and gifting them to you.

As we can see in the Luxury Liner arc, I'd say he has his own love for "dolls", if you know what I'm saying.

As for your other hobbies I think Undertaker wouldn't exactly share your interest in them, but he'd definitely support you. Ex. Watching your band perform, making tea to soothe your voice after you've practiced. He'd definitely be one to annoy and tease you in a joking manner, while you're writing or doing other things.

You being more calm/quiet and Undertakers more energetic and chaotic certainly harmonize. You'd participate in a lot of witty banter and Undertakers life mission would be to make you laugh all the time. He'd adore your sweetness and bubbly-ness (is that even a word??) and your loyalty would be VERY important to him. While he acts and is mostly carefree, I think deep down he still wary of deep connections with people, as he doesn't really have friends.

When he achieves said connection tho he might not always act like it but he'd be sort of possessive. Wouldn't let you get very close to Sebastian or Ciel out of a fear, that they would use you against him in some way. It takes a while for him to tell you what he is, it takes him a while to trust someone 100% wouldn't talk about how it happened tho.

I think arguments wouldn't happen very often, when they do tho they would happen out of Undertakers disregard for "human customs", ex. relationships with other people, etc. Undertaker doesn't resort to screaming, he wouldn't even comprehend that you're mad or annoyed with him. After a few days of not talking much he'd try and talk, bring you something, dolls, sweets, whatever. Makes you sit down and explain what's bothering you, wouldn't always get it but he'd try. Makes up by gifting you dolls or figurines.

Would get worried the first few times you disappear, always manages to find you tho. Absolutely goes exploring with you, might not say it but part of the reason why, is because he's worried about you.

Teases you about your fear of the dark, always lights a candle for you at night tho. Undertaker has died through drowning, as shown in a manga panel, so he shares your fear of water. It serves as a constant reminder for him, so you both don't see the appeal.

Might sound weird but he's fascinated with your OCD habits, he asks you about them. Once you explained them, he always makes sure that your food is arranged the way you like it and peels your bananas for you. Doesn't mind the alarms you set, can be your personal alarm clock actually.

Undertaker has dealt with a lot throughout his long life, he has his own problems. He will always assure you that you're going to be okay. Another thing, that might seem insensitive but sometimes he'd joke that you'll be "crazy" together.

Undertaker's very touchy by nature, I would say. After noticing you flinch, he'd be unsure if his presence and being a grim reaper still intimidates you in some way, if he decides talking to you about it, Undertaker will resort to gift giving and quality time.

Being a quiet walker doesn't matter with Undertaker, as he senses your presence, he isn't human after all, or easy to startle.

Grim Reapers require both sleep and sustenance, but have you seen Undertaker? That man runs on two hours of sleep maximum, he also definitely wouldn't mind staying up late. Dancing late at night, while nobody is watching, is definitely a reoccurring activity in a relationship with the Undertaker. He can be a bit overbearing at times.

Depending what century you're imagining this in, Undertaker loves when you drive, it's sort of an adrenaline rush for him.

head canons

Doing each others makeup, sitting on a coffin or your bed. "You have to be still, for me not to smudge the eyeliner!!", while he tries to tickle or smooch you.

Painting each others nails and making a cute date night out of it, lots of candles around you for the atmosphere. Playful banter, which ends in you two cuddling in a coffin.

Going out to explore the woods, him following closely behind you, suddenly disappearing just to appear in front of you, scaring you in the process, making Undertaker burst out laughing. Holding out a hand to help you climb onto things.

Exploring the city at night, when the people are sleeping and the bustling and usually loud streets of London are completely empty. Even jumping roof to roof. (This reminded me of that one Howl's moving castle scene. 01:47-02:10 in the linked video)

Late at night, while both of you aren't sleeping, Undertakers shop is dark, except for the dozens of candles littered across the room, as a music box starts playing a soft melody. Undertaker coming up behind you and offering you a hand, as you start dancing across his shop, moving through the space together, occasionally stepping on each others feet and giggling.

Again, it's my first time writing and English isn't my first language. I hope you could still enjoy this<3

#divider by v6que #undertaker #undertaker black butler #undertaker x reader #undertaker kuroshitsuji #romance #romantic #romantic matchup #match #matchups #english isnt my first language

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noirvette · 1 year

Text

WE NEVER EXISTED

[band smau]

[THIRTEEN]

masterlist.

prev. | next.

Having the whole fiasco of figuring out the venue and then helping Kyle with his weird texter person problem, (of which he still hasn't bothered telling Stan about), and then a few surprisingly calm days, it's finally the day of the concert.

Nichole was loving the open venue, and was quickly styling herself away with simple tables and chairs a bit further out, having those separated by simple fences from the GA area. Currently, her theme for the night was orange and dark blue, the dark blue having some sort of shine when lights hit on them. It was absolutely gorgeous as you watched the test runs of the stage lights against them.

Kyle was doing a bit better, having gotten some sleep you could assume, and he's been busying himself all day by corresponding with another local yet small band that would be opening for you guys tonight. They had just shown up about 20 minutes ago and was going ahead with their sound check, which Kyle was graciously observing.

Clyde was..late again, however he did say he was going to stop and bring back food for everyone so you really couldn't stay mad at him, nor with him bringing back Kyle's favorite fast food, you're sure Kyle wouldn't object much either.

Stan was talking to the venue's owner and he definitely has never been more awkward in his life. At this rate, you're sure Kyle's gonna step over there and free Stan from the shackles of his poor social skills.

Craig, for once, has shown up to take pictures again, you can see him snapping away at some candid shots, those of which he'll probably use for his portfolio, beside him you're shocked to see Tweek, he doesn't tend to follow Craig that often to these rehearsal things, in fact Tweek doesn't come to the concerts much anyways, he attends a few, mainly to be with Craig. Tweek spots you and waves, you return the gesture and you can see Craig snap a photo of Tweek as you do so.

Giggling and turning your head away from them and staring back onto the open space, you let your mind wander again. You've been excited to perform, especially here in South Park, it's always been fun to perform here, the town surprisingly having been your guys' biggest supporters.

Bebe and Wendy should be showing up soon, in fact you wouldn't be surprised if Wendy was already here and you just haven't spotted her yet. Bebe was trying to get Red to come along, it had been a while since you've last seen her, quite literally it was about 3 months ago when you and the other girls managed to squeeze a sleepover day in all of your busy schedules.

Annie said she was coming when Nichole shot her a text, and if Annie is coming usually that means Red would be too.

Your phone dings, bringing you away from your thoughts.

Groaning you call out to Kyle, "Hey, Kyle?" He turns his head, "Heidi isn't showing anymore we can thank Cartman's stupid ass."

He frowns, "Again, is it the podcast?" Seeing you nod he continues, "He made her miss our last show in New York City because of that god awful podcast. Remind me, why is she in that again?"

"Because she feels bad for him or something, also something about how it was technically her podcast first and she'd rather die than let him get away with the rebranding...?" You scratch the back of your neck, tone overall sheepish for not really knowing why.

"Didn't he.. technically get away with the rebranding though? I mean he calls himself the 'creator' of it?" Kyle pointedly asks.

"Yeah I'm not too sure about the whole reasoning either, Kyle. Oh! Hey so Clyde also should be coming back in about an hour? Maybe now like 30 minutes, I'm not sure he texted me a while ago now."

"Well he better, his sound check is at 3:30.. and if he's not here, I'm telling you now, I am NOT stepping in for him."

"You're gonna totally step in for him don't lie to me."

Kyle gives you a deadpan stare before turning back around to helping the locals, leaving you giggling to yourself quietly for a bit.

"Hey, Y/n," Stan says, sitting next to you on the edge of the stage, "You ready for tonight?"

You look up at him, "Oh, yeah, I'm just bummed that Heidi can't make it because of Cartman."

"Yeah.. Wendy mentioned that like 3 minutes ago.. all because of a podcast episode. Christ.." Stan trails off, "Why is he even doing a podcast episode today? Most of the entire town is attending tonight, who's gonna be listening to his podcast?"

"Well..." You check your phone again, "Heidi says he's going live during the set change between the opener and us, and you know how long those take, people are gonna be on their phones and they're bound to tune in for a bit."

Stan runs a hand down his face, "He's always gotta do something shady, aside from that, how are you doing?"

"I've.. been good actually Stan thanks."

"No problem, I've been worried about you since.." He trails off, you never realized how often Stan trails off before in conversations.

You let out an airy laugh, "No worries, Stan, really and I appreciate you checking up on me. However, you should check up on Kyle, have you noticed how tired he's been looking recently?"

Stan throws his hands up in the air, "YOU'VE NOTICED!" He freezes and suddenly realizes how loud that was, coughing into his fist, face red with embarrassment, "Sorry just.. I've tried, Kyle hasn't been the most... comfortable with talking his thoughts and feelings out, you know that. He just... would rather throw himself into his work than let me in.. you know?"

You both watch as Kyle runs back and forth from the stage to the backstage, "Yeah I get what you mean."

"And I've tried! Really I have but he just waves me off and says nothing important is really affecting him and that he'll 'figure it out' God knows how.. he's never figured anything out, well, whenever it comes to his emotions at least."

You shrug in return, "You've let him know you're there for him.. I guess you're gonna have to wait until he comes to you."

Stan nods at that and the two of you sit in a comfortable silence.

Your phone buzzes and you open the notification without checking what the exact notification was for.

Groaning as you realize who tweeted you're about to swipe and close the app before realizing you were tagged in the tweet, over your shoulder Stan takes a peek, "Cartman? What does he want?"

Turning your phone off you shake your head in annoyance and Stan snorts, "What have you done to make Cartman tag you on twitter?"

"He's so delusional I probably pissed him off in a dream or something." You and Stan laugh.

"Y/N! Your guitars are here, can you make sure they're tuned and good to go? If you want you could start early on your preliminary soundcheck." Kyle breaks the laugh attack you and Stan are having.

You give him a thumbs up and he does one back, going back to whatever he was doing just now.

"Well, gotta get this done," You stand up and stretch, "See ya around, Stan."

"Peace."

TAGLIST: @captivq @kimiesstuff @bwljules @the-cooler-kira @1one1person1 @kenny-the-ken @neenieweenie @n0tangeliccc @frogindisguise @revzxn @mirophobic @gonefiishiing @musiclovebot @bootsieboo @bonez4brainz @s0l4riss @1996kj @sweetadonisbutbetter @scinclaitnoir

#we never existed series #south park x reader #kyle broflovski x reader #kenny mccormick x reader

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dumplingsjinson · 1 year

Text

Back with a REALLLYYYY long ramble about my love life? (Like, when I say really long, I meant it.)

Or... A lack thereof. I don't know, it's confusing; maybe I'm overthinking and maybe he does want to be friends or... he wants more??? Maybe I'm looking into things a bit too deeply BUT THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS DO AND I’M AFRAID IT'S NEVER GOING TO STOP AHHA.

SO ANYWAYS. Here's the story.

Prepare for a long ass post lmao, because I'm going the FUCK off again :D So like, if you don’t want to read my bullshit then feel free to skip past onto the next glorious post on your dashboard.

(The TL;DR is at the very bottom of this post if you can’t be fucked reading the whole thing lmao.)

Okay.

So.

I met this dude on CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel). We'll call him... Mixed signals dude. (we’re calling him mixed signals dude because it feels like he wants more with the way he acts, but the words that come out of his makes me feel like… Yeah, no, maybe I’m overthinking this greatly.)

He's pretty nerdy. A homebody. Overreacts to things. Pretty shitty texter but aren't most people? And he doesn't seem to exercise much because we were walking around a lot during our first meet up and he was pretty puffed out after a bit lmao. He's an introvert. He's a bit… Eccentric (and I'm not saying that to belittle him). I'm not pinning any of this against him, though. It just provides a background to what type of person he is.

Either way, he asks me if I'd like to meet up with him "as friends". I say yeah, sure thing, why not? I mean, I’m here to meet people, after all.

So we set a date, the day comes, and I meet up with him. He’s waiting for me at the platform my train stops at. We fall into easy conversation the moment I walk up to him and we start talking. I feel at ease with him even though we’ve just met, and my nerves dissipate pretty quickly.

Funny, because I was literally messaging my friend “Oh God, I’m nervous as fuck” like five minutes before the train arrives at my destination.

It’s nice, we share laughs, and it isn’t like... Awkward? Maybe a little, but it isn’t as bad as the other times I met up with other dudes. Usually first time hang outs are fairly awkward and sometimes boring, but it didn't feel that way with him. Oh, also, he's also the "ladies first" type of dude, always urging me to walk before him AHAHA. I don't know how to describe it but yeah.

So anyway, that's all good. We have a good time and get to know each other more. We go home after hanging out for the whole day, he tells me he had a good time, I say I did too.

We talk over text, and about a week or so passes before he asks me out again, so I say sure. It was pretty last minute; we set it up Friday night and then met up Saturday noon. That Saturday, he had planned on studying for his cert for either work or uni, but he comes out to hang with me anyway even though I insist we could do another day if he really couldn’t hang out (he said he didn’t want to study anyway so I was like, okay. We’ll go, then, if you’re sure).

First half of the "hang out" is pretty normal. We go to an art gallery, then we slowly make our way to the Botanic Gardens, where we kinda stop to rest for a little bit. We’re out here talking and laughing, and when we feel rested up, we make our way to another museum/art gallery. We talk about our dating lives, I tell him about the guys I've talked to, we talk about our personal lives and our families; the lot. We share more laughter, and by this point (and take note because this does become an important point later in the story), I’ve broken the touch barrier with what I’d say is friendly physical contact — light slaps on the shoulder/arm, light pushes, etc. The shit I usually do with my friends in a playful type of manner.

Keep in mind, at this point, he keeps saying “You can’t find someone on the apps, only friends” etc, etc, so I’m like… Cool. He wants to meet people and become friends, and I’m not opposed to that. I could do with more friends. And I’ve basically adapted the philosophy of “What happens, will happen” and I’m not going to try and force shit.

So now, here’s the thing: one thing I’ve been noticing during the first meet up and moreso throughout the second meet up, during our walks, he seemed pretty… Protective of me? I don’t know if that’s the right word but like… I’d complain about the sun shining in my face and he’d try to walk beside me to shield me from it. He’d grab me before I crash into things like the clumsy bitch I am. During the first meet up, he was quick to stop me from walking into oncoming traffic because I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe he has quick reflexes, I’m not sure, but I do need someone to kinda check me on my shit sometimes HAHA.

Anyway, after the museum, we wander around the city for a bit, I buy some Gozleme for us to share (he just started his full time job and his paycheck doesn’t come until like, next week, so he was very thankful about me shouting him food).

After that, we couldn’t really think of anything else to do so I’m like, “Do you wanna go home and study?” and he’s like, “Nah, I will stay for a bit more. I don’t want you staying alone out here” even though I never suggested I’d be staying out there alone, but I was like, “…Okay”. I found that to be pretty sweet of him, ngl.

I kinda don’t want to go home either because well… I’m stuck at home a lot these days because I’m still jobless (hopefully that changes soon or so God help me, I’ve been applying and applying and I’m on the brink of losing my shit), when a sudden idea pops into my head. Before I know it, I’m suggesting we go to the movies, and I tell him we could watch Across the Spider-verse (I’ve watched it already but I wanted to watch it again, so might as well) and he’s like sure, because he didn’t wanna go home and study anyway, among other reasons.

So that works out for the both of us! It’s actually kinda funny that he agreed, because he didn’t watch the first one, but when I ask if he’s sure about this, he says, “Yeah I’m sure.”

(Funny side note: about a day ago, he suggested we watch the first one together on Disney+, via IG call this Saturday but I’m not sure if I’m free then so I’ll probably get back to him about that later.)

By then, it’s around 5pm? I buy the tickets for us (we get a discount for the cinema’s anniversary or whatever event’s going on, so I only had to pay 9 dollars for a ticket rather than 24 dollars so it’s a huge bargain. Again, he thanks me for that and I’m like — “it’s fine.”). The movie starts at 6:40pm, so we stay at the nearby Starbucks to wait for the movie to start. He shouts me hot chocolate, and he uses that hour to study for his cert because he brought his laptop with him.

This is where he starts returning the friendly gesture/touches. He hugs me as a way of thanking me for buying the movie tickets and for shouting him food; he pats me on the head and I’m sitting there like wtf; he keeps touching my knee with his hand — like, he would lightly shaking my knee and would let his hand linger there for a few seconds. And like, I’m fine with it, because again — those, in my definition, are friendly gestures, and I was already kind of doing that to him myself earlier on. And I’m feeling comfortable enough with him, so you know. I didn’t mind any of this. And I guess he’s pretty comfy with doing stuff like that, too.

So ANYWAYYYY, we carry on like this for the next hour. I’m pretty sure I’m distracting him from his studies but he still ends up getting something done, and then we head to the cinema once the time’s up. We sit down, the movie starts, and… It’s fine.

It’s all good. Nothing’s really happening, at least between us.

I lean my head on his shoulder like I do with my friends. I’ll be honest, I’ve been wanting to do this the whole day, so I’m like fuck it, why not?

I literally feel him pause for like a moment — like, he goes still.

So fucking still.

The first thought that pops into my mind is “this is uncomfy.” Turns out leaning your head on someone’s shoulder when you’re sitting in squishy ass cinema chairs isn’t exactly comfortable, so after like, not even a minute of doing that, I sit up properly and fix my posture. I decide to lean forward; elbows resting on my thighs, upper body leaning forward because that’s usually how I like to sit when leaning back into the seat isn’t doing me any good.

And uh… THIS is where something a little more significant happens — he kind of just wraps his arm around my waist and literally scoops me back into him (and in my head I’m literally like “so fucking close, holy sHITTTT LNKEFLEKWNFWKLNFKLEWNKLFEWN”), and tells me to rest my head on his shoulder, saying shit like, “Sitting like that isn’t good for your back.”

LIKE BITCH. HELLO?? THE AUDACITY WLKNFELWKFN. This isn’t my first rodeo, it’s happened before with another guy but THIS GOT ME FEELING MORE NERVOUS RATHER THAN UNCOMFY. Maybe uncomfortable because of the stupid seats but not uncomfortable because of what he’s doing, you feel me?

So I’m like… Okay? He has his arm still around my waist, quite tight I must say, and I’m just kinda awkwardly resting my head on his shoulder while his arm becomes a backrest for my back (which isn’t really that comfortable, to be honest), and it’s kinda just wedged between my seat and my back. And I can FEEL the sudden nervousness coursing through me, distracting me from the movie, so thank fuck I watched the movie by myself the first time around or I would have missed some parts of the movie (because this isn’t the only thing he does — there’s more).

Anyway, at one point, I slightly lean away from him because sitting like that isn’t very comfortable. He still has his arm around my waist, although it’s loosened a little by now.

The movie’s still running, I’m sort of in my own world, because all I’m thinking is SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT, when he kind of starts… rubbing his cheek against my shoulder?? That’s the best way I can describe it lmfao, and my fried writer brain isn’t HELPING.

AND I’M LIKE OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD and that’s when my heart starts beating erratically. LIKE BRUHHH. And then he asks, “Is this too much?” (or he asks “Is this okay?” but I can’t exactly remember which one it is so you’re just gonna have to believe it’s either of them) and ahahahahaAHAHAH…

My dumb fucking ass responds to that with an, “Uh, your arm around my back is a little uncomfortable.” BECAUSE IT’S TRUE, OKAY??? But I’m feeling too awkward to pull away AND I’M ALSO FEELING TOO AWKWARD TO MAKE MYSELF MORE COMFORTABLE BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN I’D HAVE TO LIKE… FIDGET AROUND AND SNUGGLE UP AGAINST HIM TO MAKE MYSELF COMFY AND MY CHICKEN ASS COULDN’T DO IT LKNFEWLKFNEK (even though I wANTED TO UGH. THIS IS THE PROBLEM. I WANTED TO DO THAT SHIT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME—)

So yeah anyway, aha… He kinda pulls away from me fully, and stays in his seat and doesn’t really lean over again.

And I’m thinking… Well. Nothing else is going to happen, I guess.

Cool.

I guess.

…WELLL, BOI WAS I FUCKING WRONGGGG HAAHAHAH.

Throughout the rest of the movie, he’d grab onto my arm during the more tense scenes; he’d link arms with me and pull me closer to him; he’d lean against me, head on my shoulder, and I’d just kinda… lean my head on his head at times LMFAOOO (returning the favour HA), and my heart was being a fucking asshole half of the time and beating a hole through my chest and I was like oh gODDDD PLEASE DON’T LET HIM HEAR THIS SHIT PLEASE DON’T LET HIM HEAR THIS SHITTT—

Anyway.

He’d pull away when I’m not reacting to his touch, but then he’d come back in for more. Sometimes I’d react by reciprocating, sometimes I won’t.

There is one point when I felt his fingers brushing against my knuckles while our arms are linked, and I’m ngl, when he was doing all of that stuff prior to this moment, I was thinking OH GODDDDD is he gonna hold my hand is he gonna hold my hand is he gonna hold my hand— AND LO AND BEHOLD, MY THOUGHTS KINDA CAME TRUE.

AND THE CRAZY THING IS: I WANT TO LET HIM HOLD MY HAND, but my hands are sweaty and disgusting because I’m feeling so fucking nervous for whatever reason, and so I just pull the fuck away before he could hold my hand LMFAOOO 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

AGAIN. Not my first rodeo. I’ve had another guy do this (the same dude I was talking about before) but in a much cringier way, and I was definitely not as comfortable with that dude than I was with THIS guy.

So uh. Yeah. That happens. He kinda leans away after that, and I’m thinking… Hm. He isn’t gonna initiate any more physical contact, is he? But nah. I was proven wrong on that department, once again. He’d grab my arm lightly at times, but I kinda just didn’t react by that point because I’m like…. UH. whAT IF HE TRIES THAT AGAIN AHHH.

Like, don’t get me wrong. I want to hold his hand but ALSOOO PALMS SWEATY KNEES SPAGHETTI FRRRRR.

But anyway, the movie comes to an end, we get the fuck outta there and I feel relief washing over me because JESUS, that was intense.

It’s like nearly 9pm at that point, we’ve spent a whole day together and I’m out here feeling a little flustered after all of that.

He starts apologising profusely, saying he’s sorry, etc, and I keep telling him it’s fine, he’s okay, he’s not a creep (he kept calling himself one). He’s like, “You told me about that guy who was being too much with you and I didn’t want you to think I’m like him” (it’s the other dude I talked about before — the one I felt uncomfy with). And I’m like, “You’re not like him, please don’t worry.” (Because for fucking one, while I was definitely nervous when he pulled me close to him in the first instance, I wasn’t like… uncomfy with it because of him. Like, I would honest to God have stayed like that and let him hold me if the cinema seats weren’t so uncomfortable for leaning against someone LMAO, but oFC HE’S NEVER GONNA KNOW THAT.)

So we walk out of the cinemas and onto the streets, and there’s this like… Performance going on, with a small crowd surrounding the performer. So, me being a curious little motherfucker, kinda beckons him over, saying, “Let’s go take a look,” and he agrees (side note: I’ve been noticing this guy is very agreeable. Like, I’d say “Let’s go into this store to check this thing out”, he’d be like “Sure” and tag along. When I go into these clothing stores, he would follow me into those stores instead of waiting outside, and when I see he’s tired I’m like, “You can sit down, you know?” but he would be like, “It’s fine,” and continues following me around. It’s kinda sweet ngl, but I do feel a little bad when he’s all huffed out and shit lmfaooo).

We linger there for a bit, trying to see what’s going on. Mind you, it’s cold; there’s a continuous breeze blowing against our backs, and he kinda just… Stands behind me (while complaining about how it’s freezing) and I didn’t think much of it then but now I’m like… Is that his way of keeping me from the cold OR AM I JUST IMAGINING THINGS?? AM I GOING FULL ON DELULU???

AND ANYWAY, we’re still there, watching, when he gets closer to me and leans his head on my shoulder and rubs his cheek against my shoulder. So I’M LIKE AKJBFEWJLBFJKFEJK, and I rest my head on his (i COULDN’T RESIST, OKAY???) and we kinda stay like that for a moment, and it feels so nice. Annnnnnd then I’m pulling away and suggesting we go home. It’s been a long day, and the night’s only getting colder.

So we make our way to the train station, he apologises more, I say it’s fine. We gotta get on different platforms to go home, and FOR A VEERRRRYY BRIEF MOMENT, I consider hugging him before we part ways BUT I DIDN’T. I FUCKING DIDN’T AND I WISH I DID, BECAUSE I REALLY WANTED TO.

I wanted to hug him is the problem here, and I’m not usually someone who wants to hug people, unless they’re family or close friends so like… BRUH.

I get on the train, and then I receive a message from him — and he’s apologising AGAIN for being a creep and I’m like bruh it’S FINEEEEE. YOU’RE FINEEE. OMGG. (Not like that, though. I was more using the standard “It’s fine, please don’t apologise”.) We text for a bit and then, mustering up all my shitty courage, I ask him, “Did you want to hold my hand at one point?”

His answer: “PRETEND YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT.” lkneafklefnklnwfe LMFAOOO, such a shy boi HAHA.

We’re kinda touching on the topic of boundaries, he’s telling me how he’s a physically affectionate person, so at one point I’m like, “Well, we can hold hands as friends, ya know?” Because these actions don’t have to be romantic. They can be platonic. Annnnnnd he agrees, and basically tells me, “Next time, hug me first. And you can hold my hand too, if you wanted to.” (I feel like a giddy high schooler typing all of this out LMFAO.)

SO YEAH. TO SUM IT UP, I’m in a dilemma because I can’t tell if he actually wants to be just friends (he kept stating that at the start, but his actions and body language are like… contradicting what he’s saying), or if he wants something more. Maybe I’m overthinking this. Maybe he’s just a really, really affectionate and protective type of friend, and is like this with fuckin’ everyone.

I DON’T KNOW.

BUT ANYWAY. THAT’S ABOUT IT. He’s still dry over text, but he’s good to hang out with, and it seems like he wants to continue to hang out with me. Oh, and also, he also keeps sending me selfies of him lmfao.

And now idk how to feel because I kinda ended up reconnecting with long distant dude (it’s a long story lmfaooo, a lot of my prompt lists are made because of him) and like… I might have lingering feelings for him? BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT BE DEVELOPING FEELINGS FOR THIS MIXED SIGNALS DUDE. OR MAYBE I’M TRIPPING??? LIKE I went into this thinking, “Oh, he’s probably gonna be someone I’m gonna meet up with once and that’d be it” BUT HERE WE ARE, WITH HIM SAYING HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS AND THEN PULLING SHIT LIKE THAT AND THEN MAKING MY HEART AND HEAD GO WNFLKEWNFKLENWFLKN—

THE FUCKING AUDACITY!!

And it’s only been such a short while tooooo OMGGG, and I understand it’s only the second time we’ve met up BUT JESUS.

I don’t know what to think or feel or do and I’m juST WLKNFEKN BECAUSE NOW HE’S THE ONE WHO’S GOT ME WAITING FOR HIS GODDAMN TEXTS LIKE A FUCKING DUMBASS UGHHH. And I already wanna see him again sooo… HOW FUCKED AM I AHAHHAHA FJSJSJJSJ (As that one song says: This is the part where I’m gonna get HURT, LMFAOOO.)

Though, to be FAIRRR, I did tell him briefly about long distant dude and he was like “awww, you guys are like soulmates” SO IM LIKE AHAHHA 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 (he did switch topics pretty abruptly when I tried to talk more about him lmfao, but he skips over shit pretty frequently so maybe that’s just how he is). Perhaps I am over thinking this AND MAYBE HE DOES WANNA BE FRIENDS ONLY but imma see how things progress 😃👍

Now, I’m going be serious for a second: he just got out of a two year relationship three months ago so MAYBE he’s craving physical connection which is why he was acting like that? So I could be completely wrong and he genuinely does want to be friends only so… Yeah. I’m gonna tread cautiously, despite everything I’ve said before. Like, I’m open to whatever happens, but I’m also not looking to get my feelings hurt again.

With that being said, we’re seeing the Barbie movie next week. It’s kinda funny because I did mention it when we met up last week, and he was groaning about it.

Earlier today, I messaged him and was like, “Imma buy tickets, did you want to come along or no?” (because if he didn’t want to come along, then I’ll just buy a ticket for myself and watch it myself, no biggie — but I also did kinda wanna see him again so I asked just in case LMAO) and he’s like, “I’ll go with you” with pretty much no hesitation.

Then, I’m out here making sure he’s okay with it because I didn’t want him to feel like he’s being forced to come along aND THEN HE FUCKING HITS ME WITH THE “I’ll do it for you”.

LIKE, BRUHHHH??? “I’ll do it for you.” BITCCHHHHHH, LET ME JUST CRY BECAUSE WHY CAN’T I HAVE A MAN WHO ISN’T GIVING ME MIXED SIGNALS LIKE THAT IN MY GODDAMN LIFE.

THE AUDACITTTTYYYYYY SLDKFNDWLKNFWKELFN AHHH.

And then he’s like, “I owe you a lot” since I’m the one buying the tickets again (like I said earlier, he just got a full time job and his paycheck doesn’t come until like next week so it’s whatever if I’m the one paying for us for now) and I’m like, “You don’t owe me anything, and it’s not like you wanted to watch the movie in the first place” and THEN HE’S ALL LIKE, “Yeah, but I wanted to accompany you” AND IT’S LIKE BRO???? HELLLLLOOOOOO????????

Like, talk about being accidentally smooth LMFAO.

He also has like, work that day, so him agreeing to accompany me just adds a layer of sweetness to this dhsjsjsj

And he started calling me by my nickname outta no where and I was like tf—

SO YEAH. DO FRIENDS DO THIS JFDFNDKLN. AM I TRIPPING. AM I OVERTHINKING???

And yeah, this is basically where things are at right now and I’ll probably provide another update later if anything significant happens, so you might see me popping up with something else in a reblog of this post lmfao :DDDDD

So… Yeah. Moral of story is: don’t go on dating apps or you’ll end up playing yourself like a goddamn fiddle.

(I also just realised I wrote a whole fic, basically, because I failed to be succinct lmao, I’m sorry and I’m gonna be so surprised if anyone reads the whole thing.)

TL;DR: Dude I met up with two times keeps giving me mixed signals. Says he wants to be friends, but his actions contradict his words. I’M CONFUSION. And might also be catching feelings but we’ll hold onto that thought for a bit because I think I still like someone else?? And maybe it's been too short of a time to be catching feelings in the first place. So yeah. Fun times.

#VERY LONG POST #personal #love life rambles #A WHOLE ASS UNI ESSAY LMFAO

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